#rushing to post this because the last of us episode 3 is out bitches

[sweetrevxnge]

Like Phantoms, Forever

Chapter Eighteen | The Devil In My Bloodstream

Pairing: Ben Solo x Reader

Summary: Your destiny had never been clear to you, only becoming so when it led you to leaving behind the life you knew to train with the galaxy's sole Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker. His Jedi Academy became your new home, bringing with it the promise of someday becoming a Jedi Knight.While navigating the ways of the Force, an inexplicable connection forms between you and a fellow student—the heir to the legendary Skywalker bloodline, Ben Solo. Together, the two of you must face your destinies and forge the path to your true selves.

What to expect: fluff, violence, sexual content, general angst, mentions/descriptions of injury and death

Additional info: this story is set in 28 ABY, six years prior to the events of TFA

*concurrently being published on AO3 and Wattpad as well!

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Word count: 5.2k

Chapter-specific CW: NSFW, pharmaceutical drugs, mentions of death

A/N: let's all just pretend that this chapter didn't take me two months to write... anyways let's get into it yuh!

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“So… Do you want to talk about it?”

Ben had made himself comfortable beside you on the small cot, the two of you laying back with your legs hanging off the edge. Well, at least your legs were—the same couldn’t be said for his exceptionally long limbs. His thumb rubbed soft circles on the back of your hand, and despite being left alone by 4-3B for nearly an hour now, you still feared being seen.

His question rolled around in your head. “It” was all you were thinking about—your father, your mother, the resurgence of the Empire. The relief you felt from the conversation with Master Skywalker was fleeting, now a daunting task once again. But a tiny voice in your head assured you that you were safe. Ben wasn’t just some acquaintance. He hadn’t shied away from discussing the dark side before, and after everything you had gone through, you couldn’t imagine him starting now. Although, you weren’t sure how much insight he would have on amatter this grim.

You sighed, twisting your neck to face him. “Not particularly.”

His eyes mapped your face, starting at your mouth before slowly moving up to your eyes. They were intense, filled with an indiscernible emotion.

“I know it’s still fresh, so if you don’t want to–”

“No,” you groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose to soothe the headache building behind your eyes. “I probably should. Avoiding it will only make things worse.”

The blankets draped over your lap shifted as you pushed yourself up to a sitting position. Ben followed, his hand quickly finding yours again.

With a deep breath, you attempted to untangle your thoughts and wrap them into a tidy coil. After a moment, you realized that you didn’t know what to say, as if every word in all the galactic languages had escaped you.

“I don’t really know what to say. It’s all so much.” Heat rushed to your face, chased by adrenaline at the memory of the dart piercing your neck. Instinctively, you lifted your hand to touch the spot, finding a small bandage in its place.

Ben squeezed your hand. “Would it help if I went first?”

You nodded. Despite your earlier eavesdropping, you were completely attentive.

“Well, let’s see,” he started, running his free hand through his thick hair. “I was in bed, just about to fall asleep, when suddenly, I saw you.” He looked over at you with an amused smile. “Not how I usually picture you when I’m alone in bed, though.”

Your cheeks burned, a familiar heat blooming in your stomach. His comment derailed your thoughts, redirecting them to build an image of him: bare chest peeking out from his robes, messy hair, eyes squeezed shut in concentration as his hand crept lower, pulling down the waistband of his pants—

The drone of the monitor recording your pulse grew louder, and you cursed your heart for misbehaving. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see his satisfied smile.

“Threebee can hear us, you know,” you said in a hushed tone.

“Relax. Worst-case scenario, I’ll just pick apart his brain—or circuit board, I should say.” He winked at you, to which you rolled your eyes. “But as I was saying, I was just about to fall asleep, and for a moment I thought I had. Everything felt like a dream—until it didn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but in my dreams, I’m… sentient. Involved in the story in some way. This was different. It felt like I was an audience member watching a scene play out in front of me.”

Like a vision, you thought. “What exactly did you see?”

His brows creased. “Everything you didn’t.”

You were quiet, piecing the two conversations together. From what he told Master Skywalker, his vision began after you were unconscious, which would explain why he only saw you being taken away.

“I panicked. I tried to pull myself out of it to get to you, but it was like I was frozen in place, forced to watch it play out.” Heavy emotion filled his eyes. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there sooner.”

A pang struck your heart. “Don’t be,” you whispered, working up a small smile. Just like Master Skywalker, this wasn’t his burden to bear.

He ignored your request, rolling through to his next thought. “When the vision finally let go of me, I ran to your hut, hoping that it was only a nightmare. But when I found your bed completely empty, I felt…” He paused, his knuckles white as he squeezed his hands together, holding them up to his mouth. “Afraid. More than I’d ever been in my entire life.”

“That makes two of us,” you said, half-joking. The guilt from earlier was becoming heavier with each word he spoke, further proof that this entire ordeal had caused more anguish than you realized. In an effort to move past the sinking feeling in your gut, you asked, “How did you end up finding me?”

At that, Ben tensed. He must have known you would ask eventually, but you hadn’t expected him to be so hesitant when you did. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Up until yesterday, there were many things that you wouldn't believe. Certainly not that the Empire had been growing in the shadow of the New Republic for years, slowly spreading throughout the galaxy like a malignancy, or that your father was secretly a fascist who had spent his entire life serving that same institution. Nor would you believe that your peaceful childhood was a complete sham, or rather, a carefully crafted illusion of a picturesque family to hide the true nature of your father’s business. Least of all, you couldn't fathom the possibility that your connection to the Force was a precious commodity, precious enough to drive someone insane in the pursuit of exploiting it.

Master Skywalker was right. Perhaps some meditation would serve you well.

You scoffed. “Try me.”

When he finally spoke, his tone was low—enough to send a chill running down your spine. “I heard a voice. It felt familiar, but I can’t explain how—only that it was cold and harsh. In my panic, I trusted it, and it led me to Zeffo. To you.”

Your mouth parted in disbelief. What he described sounded like the voices you heard when you touched the dark stone. “Ben–”

“I promise that I’m not crazy–”

“No, you’re not.” Gently, you cupped his cheek and turned him to face you. His eyes were a storm, glassy and clouded with a familiar darkness. He needed to know that he wasn’t alone. “And if you are, then so am I. When I connect with the darkness, I hear it, too.”

He shook his head dismissively. “No. This is different. This has followed me for as long as I can remember.”

Unsure what to say, you remained quiet, trying to process what he was telling you. As curious as you were to know more about this mysterious voice, you also didn’t want to pry. “I didn’t mean to–”

A low laugh rumbled in his chest, barely audible over the thrum of blood rushing in your ears. “No, no, it’s okay. All that matters is that it helped me find you.”

The air felt heavy, settling uncomfortably between you. He was guarded, and despite his assurance, you could tell that there was much more to this story. The walls surrounding him were resilient, but they were no match for your persistence.

“What did it say?” you asked, inching closer to him as you rested your hand on his forearm. This had always worked in the past—whether it was draping a hand over his shoulder or winding your leg around his, albeit with much less significant topics. Just like most men, Ben wasn’t immune to a gentle touch.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, his lips pressed tight together. “I don’t remember.”

His answer reeked of bantha shit. You only hummed in response, knowing that any effort to extract the truth would likely be futile. As much as you would have liked to know more, you weren’t necessarily keen on starting an argument over it.

Neither of you spoke for a long moment. You couldn’t help but wonder why he chose to withhold the details of what he heard.

Ben broke the silence. “Look, we can talk about this another time if you’d like. Right now, I’m more concerned about you.”

“Do you trust me?” The question burst free from your chest, as if you would implode if you didn’t release it. Though, now that the question was hanging in the air, you weren’t sure you wanted to know the answer.

He was quiet again, dark eyes flitting between yours. With every second that passed, you could feel your heart cracking, ready to shatter at a moment’s notice.

“Of course I do,” he said finally. “In fact, you might be the only person I trust.”

You blinked. Of all the answers he could have given you, that was the last one you would have expected. And because of that, it felt genuine.

Before you could say anything, he posed a follow-up question. “Do you trust me?”

Shame burned your cheeks. This was the right thing to do. Ben was your person, the only person you had ever let in. Without hesitation, he had flown across the galaxy to find you and bring you to safety. So, why did you fear his judgment? Deep in your heart, you knew the truth. It had been there all along, and despite your efforts to bury it, it would remain there forever, floating at the surface until you acknowledged it.

“More than anything,” you whispered.

He planted a soft kiss on your cheek. “Then talk to me, princess.”

Like a layer of ice in the sunlight, you cracked. A lump rose in your throat as the words formed on your tongue. “My dad was the mastermind behind all of this. He used the Empire’s tracking technology to find the Academy, then sent a group of mercenaries to kidnap me.”

Ben’s eyes widened, but he remained silent. You weren’t sure what reaction you expected. Disappointment maybe—or worse, disgust—but found neither. With a sigh, you continued, “I didn’t know that he was capable of doing something like this. He kept his past hidden from my mom and I, using his agriculture business as a front for his work with the Empire—or what remained of it.”

He furrowed his brows, processing each word. “Wait—your dad works for the Empire?”

You nodded, staring at the torn skin around your fingernails from mindless picking. “Was,” you answered, ripping another strip of skin from your thumb, causing a small drop of blood to form on the exposed tissue.“He was working for the Empire. Not anymore.”

“So, what, he had a sudden change of heart?”

There was no coming back from this. No amount of backtracking or lies could undo a confession of this magnitude. But he had made a promise to you on his ship, a promise that everything would be okay. Now, with his hand resting on your knee, you placed your faith in his promise.

“No. He's dead.” You let out a shaky breath to settle the nerves rolling through you. "I... killed him."

The silence that followed was suffocating, yet he didn’t pull his hand away from yours or stand up to leave. Instead, he just watched you, his eyes searching yours.

Hiding from his gaze, you continued. “I killed him after he told me that he executed my mom, all because she sent me to the Academy, to safety.” A warm tear rolled down your cheek at the memory. “He showed no remorse for what he did, even saying that killing her was like putting a sick animal out of its misery.”

At that, Ben's jaw clenched, his stoic expression morphing into something angry and cold, but you knew it wasn’t directed at you as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. “What a fucking bastard.”

“He was never like this before,” you mumbled, now pressed against the rough fabric of Ben’s robes. “But hearing him say that awakened something horrible inside me. It possessed me—a terrible, cold energy that wanted nothing more than to inflict pain.” You paused, pulling away from him. “I felt it, Ben—the dark side of the Force. It flowed through me, used me like a puppet of its will.” Your voice had softened to a whisper. An echo of the Force rang in your mind; the intensity of it, the power that claimed your father’s life. Your mouth went dry. “I’m a monster.”

“No, you’re not. Don’t say that,” he said, tightening his grip around you. “You did what you had to do to survive. That doesn’t make you a monster—that makes you human.”

You wanted to argue with him, tell him that allowing the darkness to consume you was weak and against everything the Jedi represent. But you didn’t. You were walking through quicksand, sinking further into grief as you told the story.

“If you say so.”

“Yes, I do say so. What he did to you and your mother was terrible and not something that anyone—let alone his child—should have to endure. You had every right to do what you did.”

Guilt, again. Each time he defended you, the lump lodged in your throat grew, slowly closing off your airway.

“You’re right,” you mumbled in the hopes that by agreeing, this discussion would conclude quickly. You sucked in a long breath to settle the acid churning in your stomach. “I’m just thankful that he didn’t hurt anyone else. It makes me sick to think about what could’ve happened if they had attacked the entire Academy.”

Ben hummed in agreement. “I think there are a few people here who could’ve benefitted from being thrown into a fight.”

“Like who?” you asked, suppressing a light laugh. His wit never failed to make you smile—even in a moment like this.

“I think you know who,” he said, cocking an eyebrow at you. “The same people who are dying to visit you.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved him playfully. “Well, too bad. You’re the only person I want to see.”

“Not even Tai?”

“Especially not Tai.” The thought of having to talk to anyone besides Ben right now made you nauseous. Who else could understand what you went through other than the person who pulled you out of it? All the sympathy in the world couldn’t compare to the fleeting peace you felt sitting next to him.

Another question crossed your mind. What did it mean? What did it mean that Ben was the only person you found comfort in? The only person that was able to calm and excite your heart at the same time. 

This was insane. No, worse than that—pure delusion. An amalgamation of chemicals designed to turn even the coldest hearts into an inferno. A fool’s curse to fall for it despite knowing the truth. Yet, here you were, flying through the air as you plummeted to the ground. You had known all along—before you kissed him in front of the fire or sat beside him as the stars bled through the night sky. There was no comfort in knowing, only profound heartache. The Jedi Code had deceived you. Under its rule, there was no affection—only devotion. A hollow devotion to the light.

You couldn’t sit with him in front of a hearth in a space leased to the two of you, one of the many rooms in the highrises overlooking the hyperlanes of Coruscant. You couldn’t wrap your arms around his neck and listen as he shared the details of his day. You couldn’t move with him to the grassy plains of Dantooine, or to the lake country of Naboo—a decision that would be determined by the number of credits you could scrape together. But most of all, you couldn’t grow old with him. Watch as the years warped your faces and grayed your hair. Until the day came that you were forced to face this same heartache once again.

It was a fantasy.

“Baby…” Ben’s voice floated through the air, pulling you from your reverie. He wiped his thumb over your cheek, smearing warm tears over your skin. “Talk to me.”

You looked up, searching his eyes until the image of him became blurry. Your heart rattled your ribs as you gathered the courage to say it—the three words that had been burning your tongue for months. But as you opened your mouth to speak, the machine dispensing your medicine beeped, singing a series of cheery notes to announce that the dose was complete.

As the faint squealing of 4-3B’s joints grew closer, you and Ben reflexively jumped away from each other. You cleared your throat, erasing any evidence of your confession as the droid came into view, its triangular eyes fixated on the empty medicine bag.

“This was the last infusion of the day, miss. I suggest you rest now,” 4-3B said as it powered down the machine before hobbling towards a control panel and turning off the overhead lights.

Moonlight poured in through the blinds, washing the marble floors in a cool white. What you wouldn’t give to go for a midnight walk right now. To breathe in the crisp air and listen to the hum of insects. But instead of ripping out the line in your arm and rushing out into the night, you yawned and folded your legs up to your chest. The darkness of the room illuminated just how exhausted you were—both physically and emotionally. 

Ben sighed, somehow immune to the contagious nature of yawns. “Sounds like the princess needs her beauty rest. I should probably let you sleep.”

Thankful that he didn’t return to the previous topic, you matched his tone and narrowed your eyes at him. “You don’t mean that.”

He smiled. “No, I don’t.”

From behind the curtain, 4-3B chimed in, “You are more than welcome to stay in the spare cot, Master Solo. I can gather a fresh set of sheets for you if you’d like.”

A devilish look flashed in his eyes. “Oh, really? That sounds wonderful, Threebee.”

“Don’t,” you mouthed. The last thing either of you needed was Master Skywalker to find out that Ben stayed overnight in the infirmary.

He pressed his finger against his lips as if to say shhh. “I have an idea,” he mouthed. A knot formed in your stomach.

“It would be my pleasure, Master Solo. I hardly see why I should separate two friends after such terrible events,” 4-3B answered earnestly.

“That’s very kind of you.” Ben reached forward, grabbing the near-empty water pitcher from the side table. “Oh and before you go, can you refill her water?”

You sank further into the pile of pillows at the head of the bed, watching in horrified awe as Ben’s brilliant plan played out.

“Of course,” the droid said, returning to the side of your bed with a stack of sheets balanced in one of its hands. As it turned and reached for the pitcher, Ben leaned forward, deftly unplugging a thin wire connecting to the base of the droid’s neck.

Immediately, its entire frame went slack. The bedding fell from its hands and onto the floor as the light drained from its eyes.

“Ben!” you gasped, scrambling towards the edge of the bed. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Possibly,” he said, pushing the rigid droid behind the curtain. “If anything happens, I’ll boot him back up. But for now…” He hoisted himself back onto the bed and squeezed next to you, making the already small space even tighter. “It’s just us.”

The tension in your shoulders dissipated. There was a hummingbird in your heart, its tiny wings beating harder than ever before. His fingers trailed down your spine, tracing over the thin material of your gown. Your skin burned under his touch.

“Unless you’d prefer to be alone,” he said, settling his hand on your lower back.

“No, not at all.” You moved closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Especially since you deactivated my only other company.”

He chuckled. “Good. Because I don’t think I can ever sleep without you now.”

“Oh,” you said softly. You supposed you felt the same way. The only reason you had managed to sleep on the Grimtaash was because Ben was with you—even if he was in the pilot’s seat. As for the previous night, you had 4-3B’s drug cocktail to thank for your uninterrupted slumber.

Resting your head on his chest now, you wrapped your uninjured arm around his waist. His heart was steady and strong in your ear, a hypnotic rhythm that you could get lost in. “Neither can I.”

Ben’s hand crept around your waist, pulling you flush against him. Even through the layers of robes, he was radiating heat—like a furnace with too much coal. Glancing up, you noticed that his eyes were closed, and despite the dull ache in your arm being pinned against his body, you stayed there, counting the muffled beats in the hope that they would lull you to sleep.

The cool night air bled into the infirmary, and without a medical droid to bring you fresh, warmed blankets, you were beginning to lose what little heat your body had left. Then, a wicked thought crossed your mind. Just like the night under the stars, you slid your cold hands under Ben’s robes, holding them against his stomach. He sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation.

“A little warning would be nice,” he said, his eyes still closed.

You hummed, relishing in the warmth spreading through your fingers. “What did Threebee say about me staying warm?”

“Mmm, something about your body temperature being too low. I can’t imagine why—considering what you’re wearing.” He cracked his eyes open to look at you, appraising the sheer gown you were wearing.

“Hey! It’s not my fault that this is the only thing that Threebee’s letting me wear.”

He snickered. “I know. I’m just giving you a hard time.” At that, he sat up, effectively pushing you aside as he untied his robes, undressing until only his underwear remained. “There,” he said as he settled back into the bed, pulling the pile of blankets over you both in the process. “Now you can steal as much of my body heat as you’d like.”

"Don't mind if I do," you said as you turned to lie on your other side—the one that hadn't had a blaster bolt fire through it. Ben silently followed, snaking a hand around your stomach and pulling you against him. You squirmed a bit, trying to find a comfortable position in the small bed. After a few minutes of adjusting, you came to the realization that it wasn't the bed or the fact that you were sharing it with such a tall person that was preventing you from sleeping—it was the image of your dead father, seemingly burned into your eyes every time you closed them. Without the aid of medicine, you were wide awake.

For a moment, you considered jumping out of bed and fixing 4-3B’s wires, hoping that he could give you something to ease you to sleep. Unfortunately, Ben’s strong arms locked around you quashed those aspirations. You continued to wiggle in his grasp—as if doing so would magically make the bed more comfortable or erase the memory from your vision.

“You know, it would be easier to fall asleep if you weren’t moving so much,” Ben mumbled in your ear, his warm breath tickling your skin.

By the sound of it, he hadn’t fallen asleep either. You didn’t feel as guilty for squirming anymore. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. Not to mention that this is the first night without a sleep aid.”

“Hmmm, I see,” he whispered as his hand inched down your stomach, stopping at the fabric of your underwear. “Would it help if I distracted you?”

Heat rushed to your cheeks, as well as between your legs. Was this wrong to do? The infirmary seemed like the last place in the galaxy you’d want to do something like this, but the feeling of Ben’s fingers sliding beneath your underwear effectively pushed aside your logic.

“There’s only one way to find out,” you answered, holding back the desperate breaths threatening to leave your throat as he began drawing circles over your clit.

“I’d be more than happy to,” he whispered. His other hand wrapped around your throat, tilting your jaw up to face him. “Just tell me what you want.”

Before you could answer, he captured your lips in a kiss as slow as honey. Gooseflesh erupted across your skin as his fingers continued to work. If there was one thing you were not expecting about surviving a near-death experience, it was this. The way your body ignited at the touch of someone you thought you would never see again. Being held in his arms made your head spin, dizzy on endorphins. Even more intoxicating was the feeling of his erection pressing into you.

“How’s that, baby?” he asked, his lips moving down your neck. 

It was splendid, incredible. But instead of detailing how his fingers were quickly pushing you towards release, all that came out was a string of soft moans. 

A low groan rumbled in his throat in return, his hips rolling into yours. The hand around your neck crept down your chest, gently squeezing your breast. The pressure building in your belly grew as he rolled your nipple between his fingers, erasing any thought from your mind that wasn’t about the pleasure wracking your body. This certainly cured your restless mind.

“Just like that. You feel so fucking good,” you panted, arching your back into his hips. The sensation of him against your ass was delicious, making you crave more.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm…” You were completely lost in his touch, a puddle of flesh and bones in his arms.

His lips grazed the shell of your ear as he whispered in a sinful, low tone, “Are you going to come for me?”

That alone was nearly enough to send you over the edge. You nodded, grinding into his hand, greedy for more. Slowly, one of his fingers teased your entrance, barely dipping into the warmth of your cunt.

“Okay, next question,” he said, his lips curling into a smile against your skin. “Do you want to come now or wait until I’m fucking you?”

“The… second… one…” You pushed the words out between shallow breaths, focused on the inferno blazing in your core. The string was about to snap, sending you towards pure bliss, but before you could chase it, Ben pulled his hand away to free his cock from his underwear. 

“Pull your panties down,” he growled as he fumbled with his shorts. 

Head spinning, you obeyed, biting down on your lip as you willed your injured arm to cooperate. You managed to kick the fabric off and returned to your former position, sticking your ass out for him. The ache between your legs was becoming vicious—nearly painful. You were half-tempted to finish with your own hand, but before you could, Ben aligned himself with you, dragging his cock back and forth over your cunt before pushing inside.

A low groan rumbled in his throat as he rocked his hips slowly, his hand migrating to grab your hip. His lips seared your skin as they moved down your neck, leaving behind a trail of wet kisses. “Fuck, I missed you.” His words were soft but powerful—like butterfly wings beating through the air. Coupled with his steady thrusts, you couldn’t help but wonder what meaning he had assigned to them.

“I missed you, too,” you said, twisting your neck to see him. With eyes squeezed shut and lips parted, he looked like an incarnation of divinity. Your heart flipped in your chest.

Mustering up all of your strength, you reached up and cupped his face, fingers grazing his cheekbone. A familiar feeling clawed its way to the forefront of your mind, a feeling you didn’t dare say aloud—let alone right now.

Just then, Ben’s eyes fluttered open. You shoved the thought back into the depths of your mind. Darkness consumed his brown irises, but his gaze was soft. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” he muttered before pressing his lips against yours.

As he kissed you, his fingers returned to their previous work, igniting the fire in your belly once more. You moaned into his mouth at the sensation, relishing how your skin buzzed as he fucked you slowly.

Long, soft breaths left your lips, and as he added pressure to your desperate clit, the blinding white light of ecstasy pierced your vision—distant, but clear. You chased it, your heart hammering against your ribs as it drew closer. “Don’t stop, I’m so close–”

Ben’s pace quickened as he neared his own high, pinning you against his chest. “I won’t baby—shit, you’re so fucking tight.”

Within you, the coil snapped. Your body was alight with pleasure, head rolling back into Ben’s chest as waves of bliss rolled through you. Endorphins flooded the blank space of your mind, staining your vision with vibrant colors. His breath grew ragged as he continued to fuck you, his thrusts becoming uneven as you clenched around his cock, sending him over the edge.

He buried his face in your neck as he came, obscenities tumbling from his lips as ecstasy ripped through him. Still riding the aftershocks of euphoria, your body pulsed as he peppered kisses along your shoulder, his cock twitching inside you. Your ragged breaths mixed with his as the two of you laid there, swimming in pure satisfaction.

You wrapped your fingers around his hand that was resting on your chest, squeezing it as you whispered, “I don’t know what I would do without you, either.”

“Hmm?” By the tone of his response, it didn’t seem like he had misheard you, but rather that he didn’t understand what you meant. 

As he tucked himself back into his underwear, you rolled onto your other side, wincing as you crushed your arm into the mattress. “I mean, I wouldn’t be here still if it weren’t for you.”

He chuckled. Through the darkness, you could make out the small smile on his lips. “Don’t give me all the credit. All I did was break you out.”

You scoffed. “Let’s not act like I would’ve been able to find a way off of that planet alone.”

“Fine, I’ll give you that much,” he said with a sigh. “All the more reason for me to teach you the basics of flying.”

Excitement and trepidation bubbled in your stomach at the thought of piloting a ship. A massive hunk of metal with the ability to take you anywhere you wanted, completely at your will. There was no denying the allure of possessing those skills.

“Are you sure you want to take on a student like me?”

He sighed. “I’m always up for a challenge.”

Like clockwork, Ben wrapped his arms around your back, pinning you against his chest. Finally, between the feeling of being in his arms and the steady thump of his heart, sleep carried you away.

[ash-azzzz]

Rating Hazbin Hotel Ships

!!! THIS IS MY OPINION !!!

Huskerdust : 100/10 absolutely love. i rlly think angel could use someone who is good to him and for him. I rlly like the idea that they'll be super sweet and not rush into anything. I rlly hope husk has a part in freeing angel from vals control if that even happens later in the show!

radiohusk : -1000/10 i rlly dont like alastor ships (for more info on why read last post.) if its platonic then sure but romantic -or god forbin sexual- no.

radiodust : -1010/10 i like this one even less. we know alastor has no interes in anyone, let alone angel (as shown in episode one angel talks about filming him and al going at it as the hotel ad and al laughs and says it'll never happen)

radiostatic : -1,000,000/10 it would be so one sided like omgg. like vox obsessed with al and al being repulsed by him. that is a horrible relationship for voxs mental health.

radioapple : 0/10 could be worse. i get people like enemies to lovers but brah they arent lovers and never will be. like platonic divorsed dads for charlie is fine but people writing about/drawing them going at it like rabbits is just 😬🫣

adams apple : 4/10 not my fav but i can def see where people are coming from. Like in the fight when luci says "im gonna fuck you" he totally could have ment that as "i got both your wives and now i want you." if adam is even in season 2 (tries to get redemed after he died ends up in hell) i wouldnt be too horribly surprised if they end up having a fling or a possible relationship of some kind. still suprised but not too bad

appledust : 3/10 i like them platonically. like they gossip abt the guys/girls they like, talk shit abt val and alastor, vent to each other, cry together, laugh together, and try and get one another with who ever they want (i.e angel w/ husk and luci w/ whoever he might want so like adam if a fling does happen)

chaggie : 10/10 i LOVE them i just want them to have more flavor. i need their relationship to get fleshed out more. like we had one little fight and a sweet like 1 min song. I WANT MORE from the only lesbian couple in that damn show.

sir pen x cherri : 7/10 i love the dynamic despite how little of it we got in the show. like hes hopeless and she that bitch. i rlly hope cherri ends up trying to redeem herself to meet pen in heaven.

cherri x angel : 2/10 platonic is cool but romantic jusy doesnt seem right to me since angel is gay. i honestly dont know how i feel abt their friendship long term because cherri doesnt seem like too great of an influence on him.

adam x lute : 4/10 probably just one sided as fuck. like no way lute didnt have feelings for adam. he made her and she was his favorite ofc she was going to fall in love but i dont think he liked her back man.

lucifer x lilith : 2/10. all im sayin is they divorsed for a reason :/

LMK IF I MISSED ANY ^_^

[skadiyoko]

Okay, like, Matt’s been in AH videos BEFORE he was even hired. Wasn’t the first Minecraft we saw him in Griffball? And everyone in AH immediately liked him bc he smacked Gavin? Like, we as a community knew axialmatt, and were excited when the guys played one of his maps! And then he and Jeremy (AH fan artist AND fan fiction extraordinaire) get hired to do their DREAM job! And I hate to say a good chunk of the community took a LONG time to warm up to them (especially Matt, but Ray leaving soon after they were hired I think really threw a wrench in things too), but eventually they got comfortable and clicked into their places in AH, and it was like they were there the whole time!

And especially recently, Matt specifically has been KILLING it! He’s so creative, and funny, and his humor is sarcastic and dry, but he’s GENUINELY so kind, you can just tell. Like, this sucks, everyone’s pissed, WB are burning their company to the ground and idk if RT has any way of getting out of there, but they really need to, bc this is only the beginning.

Challenge Accepted and the Randomizers are, imo, the best content in AH right now. I even watched the Raft series, even though I have no interest in that game, bc Matt kept me there! Shark mage was the best! I love the rest of the cast, I really do, but at this point in AH’s life, Matt and Michael are def my fav members. It just sucks, I’m taking it better than when Ray left (I was a damn mess through that;;), but maybe that’s bc he’s still PT? We’ll see how long that lasts, I’ve really been enjoying seeing him in Chilled’s Among Us lobbys, and if he had more time to devote to streaming, he’ll prob hang out with that crowd more, which would be awesome tbh.

Does anyone know if he has a YT VOD channel? I have a thing, I don’t know why, but I don’t like watching livestreams. They make me anxious for whatever reason;; So VODs are a lifesaver for me, so please let me know if you know! 🧡

And yeah, that’s my jumbled thoughts on the matter. WB is ruining RTAH, and it sucks to see, and I really, really, really hope they SOMEHOW get out of that company. Easier said than done, I know, but it just sucks to have had to see all of the obvious change they’ve had to go through since they were put under them, and are still going through. AH cast and content used to be so colorful and bright and happy, but as much as I enjoy how they’ve matured, and still have fun together, the contrast from the past, more care-free AH is drastic. The past however many years, it’s just noticeable how dark their spaces have been, like, it’s kind of dreary looking at them compared to, let’s say, their tiny OG office. Like, that room was always so full of life! And their past few spaces have just been… sad looking.. and also, they’re not quiet about scheduling. Matt and Michael talked about how Sarah had been breathing down their necks for like, half the Wind Waker randomizers bc they were taking too long, and every time they brought it up it bummed because out, bc I HATE they’re being rushed to make content! Idk who thought a Zelda randomizer was going to be less than like, 8 episodes anyway! But that just suggests to me they’re not enjoying playing the game as much as they could be, bc they’re being bitched at about it behind the scenes. Plus other random, too-businesslike things I smell just bc I’m an employee of a big business, and like, I can TELL they don’t have as much freedom as they should have, and it sucks.

like, I really don’t like getting into the “AH was better when it was just the OG cast 😤”, because those people annoy me (I don’t know why they just don’t stop watching if they just complain every video how they hate current AH? But that’s a can of worms I don’t want to open), BUT I do hate what big business has been doing to them, I hope Matt settles into the path that is right for him, the AH members someday gain their freedom back, and WB burns in hell. It’s 3:30am, I got a bit off track with this post, goodnight.

Edit:

After seeing more information come out, Big Yikes, looks like RT has been shitty even before WB sunk their claws in. I know back in 2013 they would make shitty, offensive jokes and call people babies for being upset when they were called out on them, but as I said before, one of the biggest things I’m thankful for is the vast majority of them [AH] have matured, and realized slurs aren’t funny. The community still, for the most part, gets on my nerves for MANY reasons, but I never get too into any kind of community anyway (so I can actually enjoy the media I’m consuming). All that being said, this looks like the beginning of a real big garbage fire, and I just hope all the good RT/AH people find their way to a happier life, and all the shitty assholes get what’s coming to them.

[rax-writes]

More

Fandom:  MCU Pairing:  Baron Helmut Zemo x Reader Warnings:  Sexual intercourse with a female-identifying person with a vagina + a bit of sugar daddy Zemo vibes at the end Notes:  Y’all... don’t judge me. I have a power kink, and Marvel did me dirty by randomly deciding that Zemo is fifthly rich royalty. And my girl @henrysmorgan​ did me even dirtier by actively encouraging my attraction to this fucker. So, blame Marvel, and blame her. // This is kind of really fucking long, and I didn’t edit it much, because I wanted to get it posted before episode 4, in case that episode flips the script. So, potentially some editing issues, and slightly rushed writing. Hopefully it’s alright, but please let me know if I screwed up anywhere. // Lots and lots of TFAWS ep. 3 spoilers

When Bucky texted you to ask that you meet him in some dusty, old, abandoned-looking car garage, you certainly didn’t know what to expect. All you knew was that an old friend needed your help, so you intended to be there.

It had been a few months since you’d last seen him, and even longer since you’d participated in any sort of mission, but you suspected that was what you were walking into. Being exposed to the Mind Stone had granted you the power of telepathy, which meant that SHIELD was quite keen on persuading you to work for them. They trained you in martial arts and hand-to-hand combat, and you went on miscellaneous missions a handful of times. They put in a lot of effort to convince you that it was your moral obligation as an “enhanced individual” to help them with these missions, but you ultimately decided that that simply wasn’t the kind of life you wanted. Instead, after the Blip, you began working a desk job for SHIELD, which is when you crossed paths with Bucky, helping him with paperwork associated with his pardon, and the two of you formed a friendship. But SHIELD kept trying to coerce you to get back into the field, constantly badgering you about it and making it clear that you weren’t wanted if all you were doing was paperwork.

The truth is, you weren’t cut out to be a superhero, and you had no desire to be. It didn’t help that your entire country had been reduced to rubble several years prior, leaving you with a bottomless pit of homelessness in your heart. So, you left SHIELD, and started a life in Berlin, where you were content to live out your days as the owner of a small bakery, residing in the small apartment above your shop.

That is, until Bucky Barnes dragged you into a particularly sticky situation, with a certain Baron Helmut Zemo.

You knew that helping Bucky and Sam would throw a colossal wrench in the life you’d created for yourself in Berlin, but after they explained the situation with the super soldiers, coupled with Bucky’s puppy dog eyes, you found yourself refraining from storming out of the building the second you saw Helmut fucking Zemo.

“We need you to keep an eye on him. You don’t have to tap into his mind 24/7, we just want a heads up if he’s going to screw us over,” Bucky explained.

"Look, we really need him. We’re obviously scraping the bottom of the barrel here, otherwise he'd still be in that cell. And neither of us want to be packing a criminal around like a rich bitch's chihuahua, so we need you here to make sure we're not gonna get bit," Sam explained.

"Fine. But you both owe me," you relented, and they both took sighs of relief. You glanced at Zemo, locking eyes with him for several tense moments. He gave you a polite smile, giving off the impression that he had nothing to hide – which he didn't, as his thoughts showed his intentions were pure at the moment. "We're good for now. He just genuinely wants the opportunity to take down these new super soldiers."

Sam and Bucky nodded, visibly releasing tension from their shoulders as they moved to head out, now reassured that Zemo was truly on their side. Meanwhile, Zemo eyed you with curiosity and awe, murmuring, "Fascinating."

The four of you walked on the landing strip toward a private jet, owned by Zemo.

"So all this time you've been rich?"

"I was a Baron, Sam. My family was royalty before your friends destroyed my country," Zemo explained, before glancing at you with a small smile. "But you knew that already."

"Wait, how did she know that?" Sam asked, then turned to you. "How did you know that?"

"I am Sokovian myself. I was certainly not royalty, but I lived there for my entire life, until it was destroyed," you explained, stopping outside the jet as Zemo greeted the elderly butler, Oeznik, in your native language. It made you smile to yourself; it had been years since you'd heard it spoken. Zemo shot you a grin when he noticed, and when you took a peek into his mind, you saw that he understood exactly how you felt.

As the butler handed Zemo a flute of champagne after you all boarded the jet, the Baron smiled politely as Oeznik stated, “Apologies if that's a little warm. The fridge is out, but I will see if there is some good food in the galley.”

Zemo glanced as you sat across from him, then in Sokovian, Zemo told Oeznik, "Another flute for the lady, please. And if the food does not pass the smell test, give it to the gentlemen."

"It's good to have you back, sir!"

As the man retreated to the cockpit, also in Sokovian, you noted, "You are a mischievous man, even more so than in your infamously criminal ways."

"You will find that there is more to me than meets the eye, angel," he responded coolly, the Sokovian language rolling off his tongue like honey. Before you could respond, admittedly enjoying speaking Sokovian, Sam grew tired of everyone speaking a language he couldn't understand.

"Why don't you tell us about where we're going?"

After a tense exchange between Bucky and Zemo, followed by a discussion about Marvin Gaye, Zemo finally got to the point: Madripoor. You exhaled slowly, resting your forehead in your palm in exasperation.

“You couldn’t have invited me on a mission to Cancun? Or Paris? Why must it be Madripoor?” you asked Bucky, who shot you a tight-lipped, pitying smile, silently apologizing for what he was dragging you into.

“What’s up with Madripoor? You guys talk about it like it’s Skull Island.”

“It’s an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago. It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s,” Bucky explained.

“And upon seeing it, you would see that times there haven’t changed one bit since then,” you added.

“It’s kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone,” Zemo said.

You frowned as you caught a glimpse of Bucky’s thoughts as he went silent. Fear. Anxiety. Disdain. Apprehension. You reached across to rest your hand on his shoulder and give it a reassuring squeeze. He shot you a small smile, then looked out the window.

Upon landing in Madripoor, one of Zemo’s contacts met you on the landing strip with a new wardrobe for you, Bucky, and Sam, and Zemo explained that each outfit was per his instruction, carefully chosen to fit the role each of you would be playing in Madripoor. One by one, you took the covered clothes hanger to the bathroom of the jet and changed. Bucky was first, stepping out in some sort of leather number, looking eerily similar to the Winter Soldier you’d seen in photos. Sam was next, donning a three-piece suit of burgundy and gold. He looked sharp, although he was immediately complaining about how ostentatious it was. And finally, you stepped into the room and closed the door behind you, unzipping the covering on the hanger and revealing your “carefully chosen” outfit.

“Ich werde dir im Schlaf die Eier abreißen, Zemo!”

Bucky choked on his water and Zemo chuckled under his breath, while Sam looked between the two in confusion.

“I don’t know what she said, but she sounded pissed,” he observed, eyeing Zemo suspiciously.

“She informed me that she intends to remove my testicles in my sleep.”

“And why is that?”

“Perhaps because he’s chosen to parade me around Madripoor like a cheap whore,” you said angrily, stepping out of the bathroom with your hands on your hips, glaring at Zemo.

“That dress is by Armani Prive, and your shoes are Louboutins – far from ‘cheap.’ And you do not look like a whore, the dress is merely more revealing than what you are used to,” Zemo argued, standing and walking over to survey your outfit. He seemed to be enjoying what he saw, judging from the way his eyes raked up and down your body, but you didn’t dare check his thoughts to confirm or deny it.

If you were honest with yourself, he was right. It was a very nice dress; plum purple, matching the color of Zemo’s turtleneck, with long, fitted sleeves, all of it made of the softest silk you had ever touched. It was fitted at the top but flowy from the hips down, with a low balconette-style neckline, showing more of your chest than you were accustomed to, although you pulled it off quite nicely. It ended just above your knees, which was fine, as you sometimes wore skirts of that length. Overall, the luxury of it and the low-cut neckline ensured that you were out of your comfort zone, but you looked stunning – and expensive, despite your spite-fueled initial claim.

“I thought the color would look nice on you, and I was right. And I knew that the flow of the fabric at the bottom would allow for this,” Zemo said, his hand gingerly trailing from your waist to your thigh, where he pulled up the hem of your dress slightly to reveal the edge of the Glock strapped into your thigh holster. He smirked as his suspicion was confirmed. He knew you’d find a way to arm yourself, regardless of what you wore.

In hindsight, the way Zemo touched your side and lifted your skirt was all far more intimate than you should have allowed, and yet… you couldn’t deny the way your breath caught in your throat when he touched you, or how his close proximity made your body temperature rise, as he gazed down at you with those intense brown eyes.

Christ, you needed to get laid. Soon. Before you further entertained the idea of jumping the bones of a highly wanted criminal.

“Touch me like that again, and I will kill you where you stand,” you informed him sternly, and Zemo immediately took a step backwards, looking apologetic. From the corner of your eye, you saw both Sam and Bucky visibly relax, tension leaving their shoulders. You had read their thoughts briefly, and they were both wondering why the hell you were so calm about getting cozy with Zemo. The absolute last thing you wanted was for them to know that you were, in fact, inexplicably drawn to being that close to the Baron.

As the four of you walked along a bridge in Madripoor, Sam was quick to resume his complaining.

“We have to do something about this. I’m the only one who looks like a pimp.”

“Only an American would assume a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp. You look exactly like the man you’re supposed to be playing. The sophisticated, charming African rake named Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger.”

“He even has a bad nickname,” Sam grumbled, then looked at the phone Zemo handed him. “Hell, he does look like me, though.”

“And who am I supposed to be?” you inquired, glancing down at your clothing to see if you could guess who you were meant to be portraying. An heiress or socialite, perhaps.

“My fiancée,” Zemo answered simply, the faintest smile on his lips.

You barked out a crude laugh, “Oh, I think not.”

“There is no one involved with Madripoor who looks like you. And it is rare that there are newcomers to the island, especially not in the place we’re going. Pretending you are someone random would raise concerns about the intentions of your presence; you would be perceived as a potential threat, which would jeopardize our mission. It is far easier to simply pretend we are engaged, I assure you.”

You hesitated a moment, before arguing, “No one will believe that we are engaged.”

Zemo pulled something from the inside pocket of his jacket, took your left hand, and slipped it onto your ring finger. It was a solitaire diamond ring; not large enough to be gaudy, but enough to catch anyone’s eye.

“They will if you play your part well,” he told you, then addressed the rest of your party when he added, “No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it. There is no margin for error.”

The four of you reached a sleek black car, and climbed in, you in the back between Sam and Bucky. The ride to Low Town was tense and silent, as each of you mentally prepared for what lay ahead. When you arrived, Zemo offered you his hand as you exited the car, and the pointed look in his eyes told you that it was time to begin playing your part. You took his hand, and as you began walking into the heart of Low Town, he laced his fingers with yours. As the crowd drew near, Zemo wrapped his arm around your shoulders, gloved fingers brushing against the exposed skin of your shoulder. After reading his mind, you realized that it was both for the sake of protecting you, and showing possessiveness to make it believable that you were his girl – and because he simply enjoyed having your body close, although you suspected that he’d rather you have not known that.

Despite the fact that you had been on a few missions for SHIELD, you were not exactly incapable of fear; you did not possess nerves of steel. All of the missions you’d been on were low-profile, and you were mostly just there for the sake of gathering information from those reluctant to share it. Sure, you’d been in danger before, you’d had to fight your way out of several sticky situations, but this… this was different. You were in the crime capital of the world, a lawless place filled to the brim with crooks, thieves, and murderers. More than likely, any given person around could slit your throat and never bat an eye or give you a second thought. Swallowing your own pride in the face of fear prompted you to return Zemo’s gesture, wrapping your arm around his waist and sticking close to him, which earned a smile from the man.

When you arrived at your destination, Zemo approached the bar and leaned against it confidently on one arm, the other still wrapped firmly around your shoulders.

“Hello, gentleman,” the bartender greeted, before his eyes fell on you. “Who’s your new lady friend, Baron?”

“My fiancée,” Zemo answered, then turned to you and ran his finger along your jawline, as you looked at him in adoration. “Isn’t she lovely?”

“Very,” the bartender acknowledged, then turned to Sam. “Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.”

“His plans changed. We have business to do with Selby,” Zemo responded.

The bartender made ‘Smiling Tiger’ his usual drink, which apparently consisted of… something he cut out of a snake, and dropped in a shot glass with a bit of liquor. You shared a look with Bucky before he turned away to survey the room, and when you read his thoughts, you found that you both desperately wanted to laugh out loud at Sam’s ‘short end of the stick’ situation, but didn’t want to risk everyone’s lives for the sake of a chuckle. You returned your attention to Zemo, opting to sell the whole “fiancée” thing a bit more by turning into him and tracing patterns on his chest as you gazed at him affectionately, while the bartender handed you and Zemo each a shot glass of your own – sans snake organs, thankfully. You both downed yours, while Sam understandably struggled a bit more with his, but still managed it.

A random man approached Zemo then, and as Zemo turned to face him, he protectively moved you behind him a bit.

“I got word from on high. You ain’t welcome here.”

“I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me…” Zemo countered, gesturing toward Bucky, who looked menacing as he pretended to be the Winter Soldier. “Or bring Selby for a chat.”

After a weary look in Bucky’s direction, the man walked away, and Zemo turned back around to face the bar, this time keeping you in between him in the bar, in case someone were to come up behind him – which they did a few moments later.

“Winter Soldier… attack,” Zemo commanded in Russian, as a different man came up and laid a hand on Zemo’s shoulder. With a pained look in his eye that quickly shifted to cold determination, Bucky grabbed the man’s hand with his vibranium arm, twisting it as he removed it from Zemo’s shoulder. Zemo took a step away from the bar to allow you room to turn and observe as Bucky beat the absolute shit out of various challengers. Zemo wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him as he noted, “Didn’t take much for him to fall back into form.”

The unmistakable sound of numerous guns cocking drew your attention away from the altercation, and Zemo gently pushed you behind him as he surveyed the room to note all the weapons drawn. Sam grabbed Bucky’s bionic arm to stop him, but Zemo whispered, “Stay in character or the whole bar turns on us.”

“Well done, soldier,” Zemo then said to Bucky in Russian, signaling for the ‘Winter Soldier’ to stop.

“Selby will see you now,” the bartender interjected, and Bucky released his grip on the random man’s throat.

“Thank you,” Zemo responded, walking off to find Selby, grabbing your hand to guide you, but not before you spared a sorrowful glance at Bucky as your friends followed closely behind.

As Zemo took a seat on a couch across from Selby, you sat close to him, crossing your legs gracefully as you leaned into him, your arm wrapped around his as he clasped his hands in his lap authoritatively. You watched his exchange with Selby in silence, as did Sam – and Bucky, of course, considering he was pretending to be the Winter Soldier.

“By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison,” Selby told Zemo, then smiled as she looked you up and down, before her eyes found the diamond ring. “And not engaged – to a woman far out of your league, I might add.”

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” Zemo answered calmly, then looked over at you, staring into your eyes with warmth and adoration, and you smiled lovingly at him. “My beautiful fiancée was a guard at the prison. We fell in love over the years, and she helped me escape. Anyway, I’m sure you have already figured out what I’m here for.”

The conversation went relatively smoothly after that, until Sam’s goddamn phone rang and screwed the entire operation. In the blink of an eye, Selby was shot dead, you had shot two of the guards with the gun strapped to your thigh, and Sam and Bucky had each knocked out one, before Zemo suggested sneaking out of the bar as best you could, without any weapons. You secured your gun back in its holster, not missing the way Zemo watched as you hiked your dress up to do so, before making a break for it with the three of them.

Once you were on the streets of Madripoor, bounty hunters began to come out of the woodwork, and when they began shooting at you, Zemo abruptly grabbed your hand and ran down a nearby alleyway. As you were running, the heel of your stiletto caught on a grate, and you’d have fallen flat on your face if Zemo hadn’t caught you.

“Are you alright?” he asked hurriedly, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he supported you, before standing you back onto your feet. You nodded, and he glanced over your shoulder as he noticed a few men looking down the alley. “Forgive me.”

You were about to ask what he was talking about, but then Zemo abruptly grabbed you by the backs of your thighs and lifted you up, pinned you against the wall behind you, and kissed you.

The men at the end of the alleyway muttered something about “freaks who do it in public,” then their footsteps faded as they walked off, clearly thinking the two of you were some overly horny couple, not two of the people with an insane bounty on their heads. But you were barely paying them any attention, a bit preoccupied with the fact that Zemo was fucking kissing you, and much to your chagrin, you really fucking liked it.

Once there were no more voices and no more footsteps, Zemo broke the kiss and sat you down. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, before you heard more gunshots, and you broke into a run in the direction Bucky and Sam had gone, desperate to find your friends, and no time to process what the hell just happened.

As soon as you caught up with them, the two bounty hunters nearby were shot dead, and the four of you turned to see Sharon Carter emerging from the shadows.

An hour later, you found yourself in her swanky home in High Town, in a change of clothes, since the brick wall Zemo had held you up against ripped the back of your silk dress. You lied to Sam and Bucky, saying that it happened because you fell while running in your heels, and thankfully, they believed you. Sharon commanded the four of you to lay low and enjoy the party, which Sam and Bucky left her living room to go do, entrusting you with ‘Zemo watch.’

It seemed as though he was merely nursing his brandy in lieu of abandoning it for the party prior to finishing it off, but his eyes were on you most of the time. You didn't necessarily believe he could be plotting to overpower you and run off, but there is always that possibility, so you delved into his mind to check.

Expecting to find thoughts of strategy about how to defeat the super soldiers or travel plans, or even plots to escape you, Bucky, and Sam, you were astounded to find nothing but thoughts of you.

The way it felt to kiss you in that alleyway, and how he had monetarily debated just staying there, having his way with you against the brick wall before Sam and Bucky could locate you. The dress from the bar, and how it rested on your thighs, revealing just enough to have his mouth watering without being revealing to the point of immodesty. The way your necklace currently rested against your bare collarbone, and how desperately he craved to litter the area with love bites. The delicate skin of your throat, thinking of how it would look with his hand wrapped around it, just enough to cut off a bit of air but not enough harm you. How alluring your voice is, and how much he'd like to know what it would sound like to hear you scream his name. The softness and warmness of your skin when he had his arm around you in the bar, and when he held your hand as you fled the scene, and he wondered how soft and warm you were elsewhere.

"Your thoughts are filthy."

He bristled immediately, sitting straighter in his seat and eyes going slightly wide, either forgetting you can read minds or not realizing you'd be doing it right then. It only took a moment for him to regain his composure, before he took one long, last drink of his brandy and set the glass on the table in front of him. He turned his whole body to the side to face you, as you sat on the opposite end of the couch, wearing a small, somewhat mischievous smile.

"I suppose there is no sense in denying it, is there?"

"What game are you playing, Zemo?" you snapped. He was rattling you. As much as you hated to admit it, he was. For the entirety of the time you'd been around him, this wanted criminal had been flustering you, and goddammit it, you wanted to know if it was accidental, or for nefarious purposes. He could be using it as a tactic to throw you off your game, so that he could get away when it was just the two of you – like right now.

"There is no game, Liebling," he stated softly and sincerely, sensing your discomfort. Slowly, he scooted closer to you on the couch, so that the arm he had laid across the back of it was now behind you, as he stared intently into your eyes. "Merely the natural response of a man who has been widowed and then locked in a prison cell, and therefore has not known the touch of a woman in many years, sitting next to a woman of absolute ethereal beauty."

You said nothing, merely stared at him, sizing him up to see if he was toying with you or telling the truth. Zemo sensed your lack of belief in his words.

"If you doubt my true intentions, you are welcome to delve as deep into my mind as you'd like to find the truth."

In all honesty, you'd have done that already if you weren't trying to avoid being even more flustered by his thoughts about you – but you couldn't tell him that. So, you did as he bade you, and searched his mind to find any shred of malevolence towards you, but you came out empty-handed. Zemo genuinely just wanted you, craved you, like a starved man sitting in front of an endless buffet. He watched you carefully as you came to this conclusion, and although you said nothing further, he knew that you had found what you needed to know.

"Just say the word, and I will never approach the topic again, as well as attempt to quiet my thoughts about you. But if there is any part of you... deep inside you," Zemo paused, eyes grazing you up and down purposefully, before continuing, "that has any interest in being with me... I will do anything to bring that to fruition."

The ball was in your court now. You could tell him to get bent and never speak to you like this again… or you could get your rocks off, and maybe even get something more in return.

"Such as?"

"Name it, Schätzchen. Anything you want. A car, a mansion, jewels – say it and it's yours, if you will be mine," Zemo proposed earnestly, licking his lips quickly as he looked at you, visibly thrilled that he was getting somewhere with you.

You weren't the type to accept gifts from men you barely know, but… this was Zemo. A man who had done a great many terrible things, which soothed your guilty conscience. So, you said the first thing that came to mind.

"A car," you blurted out, then explained, "Mine broke down a week ago, and it's beyond repair, so… a car."

"Tell me the make and model of your preference and I'll have it delivered to your home within a week's time," Zemo said calmly, then brushed a lock of hair away from your face, before allowing his fingers to trail delicately along your cheek and jawline. "Is that all, Kätzchen?"

"No. One more thing," you replied, then looked at him sternly. "You must agree to never speak of this to Bucky or Sam."

"You have my word," he assured you, smiling in amusement.

"Then I'm yours."

Zemo's smile faded slowly, and he merely stared at you for a split second, before cupping your face in his hands and pulled you into a searing kiss, full of ferocity and sheer desperation. It shouldn't have been this easy, to kiss a man who's done such terrible things – yet here you were, melting into his embrace, allowing him to pull you into his lap and straddle him, your hands resting on his shoulders and gripping the black fabric of his turtleneck. His hands laid flat against your back as he kissed you in this new position, slowly gliding down, down your sides and to your hips. He kissed you in a way that was feverish and fast and hungry, as his fingers dug into your skin, holding you firmly against him as if he were fearful that this was all a dream and you'd disappear at any moment. Upon taking a peek into his mind, you realized that was actually exactly what he was thinking. Additionally, he mentally spoke to you directly, somehow knowing you were reading his thoughts at that moment.

"Tell me if I do anything that you do not like, and know that you have absolute freedom to end this at any given moment."

You pulled away slightly to nod in confirmation that you received his message, before resuming the kiss. Mind hazy and instincts taking over, you found yourself tugging his bottom lip between your teeth, earning a low groan from Zemo. One of his hands darted upwards to grab a fistful of your hair, right against your scalp at the base of your neck, and he pulled on it harshly, causing you to let out a wonton moan. He then laid that hand flat against the back of your neck, holding your lips firmly against his as he kissed you with even more fervor, and the other vacated its position on your hip to slide slowly up your torso, until he began palming your beast through your shirt. You moaned softly against his lips, but not as loudly as a moment ago.

Zemo wanted more, needed more; he longed to hear you loud and desperate. So he delved that hand at your neck back into your hair, gripping it tightly once more, and used it to pull your head backwards a bit, so that he could have better access to your neck. The action itself, and the tightness of his grip, earned an embarrassingly loud moan to escape your lips, and you felt him smile against your skin. He moved his hand to the middle of your back, supporting you as you leaned back a bit to grant him better access. As he littered your neck and décolletage with kisses, you felt him pull the neckline of your blouse down a little, then felt the sharp pain of a bite on your chest, above your breast. When you looked at him with narrowed eyes, he wore a cocky little grin.

"You should not be surprised, Liebling. I know you saw that I've been wanting to do that all day when you read my mind," he noted. "Wear a high neckline tomorrow, it will be fine."

Before you could respond, Zemo pulled you flush against his chest with that hand behind your back, and into another heated kiss. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and without thinking, you ground your hips down on the bulge resting against your core beneath your skirt. He groaned, both hands flying to your hips to push them down again, guiding them as you repeated the action. It only took a minute or two of this before Zemo had enough, abruptly grabbing you by the throat and throwing you down onto the couch beside him. He then loomed over you, one hand propping himself up and the other applying slight pressure to your throat, gazing at you with admiration in those searing eyes, pupils blown wide from lust. You looked right back at him, pupils undoubtedly dilated as well, eyes half-lidded, panting a little, and hair a bit of a mess.

"You are an absolute vision," Zemo praised softly, to which you smiled, then he released his grip on your neck to lean down and kiss you again. That only lasted a moment, before he broke the kiss to pull your blouse up and over your head, tossing it carelessly to the side. Your bra joined it shortly after, then he moved to your skirt, fussing with the zipper for a moment, but it seemed to be caught on something, as it wouldn't budge. Before you could interject and state that you'd get the zipper yourself, Zemo ripped the seam apart with his hands, before tearing the article from your body and tossing it like he had with the blouse. A gasp escaped you, but you had no time to think much about his actions, before he was pulling off your panties and bra as well, dropping them somewhere beside the couch.

He was then looming over you again, kissing you breathless as he rested on one elbow while the other hand toyed with your nipple, his knee coming up to rest between your legs as he laid between your body and the back of the couch. You tangled your fingers in Zemo's hair, moaning against his lips as you sought friction against his leg. He smiled softly against your lips, before your hands wandered, finding the hem of his shirt and tugging it off of him. You had just managed to get his belt off before his hand left your breast, trailing downwards across your torso as he moved his knee further away from you, before delving between your hips and expertly locating your clit.

No longer capable of focusing on ridding Zemo of his clothes, your hands gripped his shoulders, and he hissed deliciously as your nails dug into his skin when he began rubbing small, methodical circles on your clit. Small moans fell from your lips as he watched the way your mouth hung open slightly, face relaxed and eyes closed as you enjoyed his work. But again, he wanted more, needed more. Still observing you, he delved his middle and ring fingers into your core, causing you to let out a loud gasp that faded into a long, low moan. Zemo smiled to himself. That was the reaction he was dying for.

He kissed you senseless, drinking in your moans and gasps of pleasure like wine, his free hand cradling the back of your head as your arms wrapped around his neck. It didn't take Zemo long to find that sweet spot, deep inside you – as he'd subtly alluded to earlier – that longed for his attention the most.

You couldn't help but moan loudly and cry out, "Fuck! Baron!" Zemo growled low in your ear, clearly a fan of your usage of his title as he picked up the pace, fucking you with his fingers with expert precision and speed, sending you hurtling over the edge with a string of curses in both Sokovian and English. By the time he removed his fingers from you and stood, you were seeing stars, breathing heavily as you laid flat against the couch. When your dazed gaze found him, he was naked from the waist down, and was just finishing rolling a condom over his length. You had no idea where he got it from, but you were way beyond giving a shit at this point. Zemo then rejoined you on the couch, roughly spreading your legs apart as he kneeled between them, looking at you with a primal, deep hunger in his eyes.

"You are certain that you want this?"

"Yes, please – fuck," you cut yourself off as he began rubbing your clit again.

"Yes please, what?" His voice was low, teasing, as he continued his work below. "I want to hear you say it again, Kätzchen."

"Yes, please, Baron."

"Good girl."

Zemo took your leg and rested your calf on his shoulder, before easing himself into you, agonizingly slow. You watched through half-lidded eyes as his brows furrowed together, his jaw went slack, and his eyes squeezed shut as he bottomed out. He was silent, but you very much preferred it when he was a bit vocal. So, you flexed your muscles down there, and he groaned, letting his forehead fall against your shoulder.

"Do not do that if you want this to last long," Zemo suggested through clenched teeth. You smiled to yourself, then said the magic word that you knew would get him going.

"Yes, Baron."

He growled again, right in your ear, then sat more upright to begin a harsh, quick pace of thrusting. His hips collided with your body each time, causing a delicious sort of pain, and he leaned down to lock you in a messy, deep kiss.

A few minutes later, Zemo moved your other calf to his shoulder as well, and the new position enabled him to get delectably deep inside you. You raked your nails down his chest, watching as a shudder ran down his spine, all the while releasing small, breathless moans and whimpers. When he opened his eyes again to gaze down at you, he licked his lips before delving both hands under your head and into your hair, and forcefully gripped two fitfuls of it at the base of your skull. The moan that tore its way from your throat was animalistic, as your nails dug into his forearms as you desperately gripped them from their positions on either side of your head. Just then, he hit a spot deep inside of you, and that familiar, tight coil in your lower belly began to form.

"Fuck! Right there, Baron, please, right there!"

"As you wish, Schätzchen."

Zemo began to thrust even faster, careful to maintain the same angle as he released his grip on your hair and leaned up a bit, so that he could resume rubbing your clit. Moans began to fall from your lips practically endlessly, and somehow, you still needed more. More, more, more. You took his free hand and laid it on your neck, and he instinctively wrapped his fingers around your throat, careful to apply pressure on the sides but not the front, as to avoid harming you. When he opened his eyes once again and looked down at you, he couldn't stop the moan that escaped him.

"You will be the death of me, mein Engel," Zemo whispered, seemingly more to himself. All you could do was moan in response.

"Baron, I'm going to – fuck – I'm —"

"Yes, come for me, Kätzchen. I want to feel you."

That was all the encouragement it took. Well, that plus how perfectly he was rubbing your bundle of nerves, and how his pace nor angle had faltered once since you had requested exactly that. You came undone again, legs shaking as your nails clawed at his shoulder blades, earning a series of groans from him. As you came down from your high, Zemo's hips began to falter, enthralled by the waterfall you had become, soaking the base of his cock as your walls squeezed around him. His hand at your wet heat abruptly moved to grip your hip, at the same moment his hand around your throat clutched at your hair again, and he met his end with a loud, gruff moan as he spoke a mantra of nonsensical praises and your name.

Zemo rested on his arms on either side of your head, and he let your legs fall to the sides of him, breathing hard against your neck as he occasionally peppered kisses there. He remained inside you for a few moments, savoring the feeling, before you chose to have a bit of extra fun by flexing your lower muscles and squeezing yourself around him again. With a sharp intake of breath, he pulled out of you, shooting you a glare.

In Sokovian, he murmured, "You are a naughty little thing."

"You adore it."

"That I do," Zemo conceded, then stood and walked off to the restroom. You heard the tap run, and a few moments later, he returned with a glass of water for you, sitting beside your feet on the couch and resting his heels on the coffee table. He was exceptionally handsome like this; still catching his breath, sweat glistening on his forehead and chest, a content look upon his face. You spent a minute or two admiring him, before he looked over to you, and a smile blossomed on his lips.

"I cannot thank you enough for that. I must admit, I spent countless nights alone in my cell, dreaming about getting to touch a woman like that again. Especially considering the fall of our country, I never could have imagined I would be lucky enough to lay with a stunning, intelligent Sokovian woman."

"In the spirit of confessions, it's been a while for me, too. My last boyfriend was about two years ago. And I'm not the one-night-stand type. So, do with that what you will," you stated, earning a small chuckle from Zemo. You sat up so that you were sitting beside him, instead of laying down, as you continued. "I fantasized about it a lot myself, but I never even dared to think my next time would be as good as this was."

Zemo smiled, a mix of pride and joy, then his smile softened as he leaned toward you, brushing a lock of hair away from your face. "This doesn't have to be our last time, you know. I would be honored to have you as often as you'd allow me to. And I assure you, I would make it worth your while. I will give you whichever vehicles your heart desires, more jewelry than you know what to do with, take you to the most beautiful places in the world, dine at only the finest restaurants – and above all, treat you like my queen. Take care of me, and I will take care of you, Liebling."

You allowed your curiosity to get the better of you, as usual when you feared that someone was lying to you. You searched his mind for any fraction of false pretenses, but there were none. The man simply found you intoxicating, and would do whatever it takes to keep drinking you in.

The arrangement wouldn't exactly be an easy one, nor would it be all that wise – nor morally correct, in all honesty. But he was undeniably sexy, and the danger and reprehensibility of it all made it that much more alluring. And besides all that – the way his power and wealth turned you on, how good he was capable of making you feel – most Sokovians were dead, and you missed home. Getting to speak your native tongue with him, chat about your country – it made you feel at home with him.

But you wouldn't give Zemo the satisfaction of agreeing to him that quickly.

“We'll see.”

—————

Part Two

[nasaty]

Noctilucence

Student Aizawa x (she/her) student reader, so much angssssttt and grief and a bunch of fluff. (Do not bring any pedo shit into my presence or I will fucking destroy you

MANGA SPOILERS until episode 107 comes out. - also this requires context that I am not providing from MHA manga and the arc with Aizawa in Vigilantes. TW: death. 9 part series.

Ch 1 here | Ch. 2 here | Ch. 4 here

Ch. 3 the Message

Your phone pinged on your dresser as you were fixing your hair after getting out of the shower.

It was a text from Hizashi. Your little lunch group recently produced a group chat, (in which Hizashi was obsessed with and never stopped spewing things into.) You used an app that reminded you of AOL instant messenger. You left your dinging phone on your vanity as you brushed through your tangled hair.

Cat Cafe Crew chat

(Hizashi) pr3sentmixtape - YOooO listeners did you hear about Lunch Rush?? 🥺

(Oboro) CUMulostratus - …no? Are they okay??

pr3sentmixtape - Yeah they’re fine, but the school thought they were overworking themself a bit so they’ve split lunches into two separate times starting tomorrow. 😓😭

(Nemuri) titsandass69 - what the fuk

CUMulostratus - Well I’m glad they’re okay, but do we know what lunches we have yet? What if we don’t have it together 😓

(Aizawa) Aizawa - we still have 2-A together.

CUMulostratus - 😭😭but not with Y/n!! 😭😭

Aizawa - .

pr3sentmixtape - GUYS the lunch designations haven’t even been given out yet, it’ll be okay.

titsandass69 - I will probably turn into a villain if I don’t have the same lunch as Y/n, I’m not going back to whatever the fuck we were doing before she was with us. lol

pr3sentmixtape - Apparently the lunches will get posted by 8pm tonight on our school website.

CUMulostratus - THAT’S IN 20 MINUTES

titsandass69 - no duh, airhead

pr3sentmixtape - HAH air head…. Like… air.. and clouds….cloud quirk.. I get it

titsandass69 - congratulations Hizashi 😂

CUMulostratus - •changed the name to ‘✨ CATfé chat ✨’•

✨ CATfé chat ✨

Y/u/n - 😭😭 can someone send me a picture once the lunches get posted? My internet hasn’t been working well at home.

pr3sentmixtape - I got chu, boo 😉

titsandass69- hey that’s my line 😡

You had been having trouble with the internet at home for weeks but didn’t want to bother your parents about it. They were hardly ever home, working their very important jobs in hero infrastructure. They were both born quirkless, which was surprisingly uncommon now a days, even more rare with your generation. You were old enough to fend for yourself, and even though you couldn’t drive and didn’t have a car, you were in walking distance of a grocery store and the school, so living *mostly* alone wasn’t so bad.

…but it did get kind of lonely and you wanted a cat. All the talk about making a cat cafe made you want one to snuggle up with in the evenings.

*PING* your phone went off with an image from Hizashi

✨ CATfé chat ✨

pr3sentmixtape - [pic]

We have separate lunches…. 😪😭

titsandass69- oh my GOD are you kidding meeee I’m literally about to graduate they cannot do this to me my last semester!

Y/u/n - hey can someone tell me what’s in the picture, I don’t think I can get pictures bc of my stupid internet

pr3sentmixtape- Lunch 1: 10:50-11:25

Hizashi, Oboro, Nemuri

Lunch 2: 12:30-1:10

Shouta and Y/n

Aizawa - •logged off at 8:06PM•

CUMulostratus - yikeeeees ^^^ 😬

titsandass69- this sucks

CUMulostratus - guys we’re just going to have to find time after school. Maybe we can train together and y/n can coach us 🥰

Y/u/n- I’m down with that!

pr3sentmixtape - but me and Aizawa and Oboro are in work studies….and Nemuri is….doing whatever the heck she does

titsandass69 - IM ALSO IN WORK STUDY YOU SHIT

CUMulostratus- we’ll make time for each other. we’ll figure it out. ❤️

You tried ignoring how awful it made you feel that Aizawa signed off, knowing he did that because he was angry he had lunch with you and no one else. You couldn’t ignore it.

Direct Message - CUMulostratus 🌥

Y/u/n - do you think Aizawa hates me?

CUMulostratus - nah he hates everyone

Y/u/n - …but he hates me more than everyone else

CUMulostratus- He does not! He’s just bad at emotions.

Y/u/n - yeah, bad at having anything other than negative emotions towards me

CUMulostratus - lol shit up

*shut

CUMulostratus - •changed the name to ‘sad bitches’•

Y/u/n - lol.

But seriously.

Did I do something to upset him?

CUMulostratus - okay. FINE you got it out of me.

ILL TELL YOU gosh. I can’t believe you pried it out of me

Y/u/n - ?? 🤔

CUMulostratus - I’ve known Shouta for a while, and I think I’m pretty good at reading him at this point. And I’ve noticed something.

Y/u/n - dude what are you even saying

CUMulostratus - so like essentially around everyone, he is mostly just a grumpy ass, but you’ve like… noticed that he acts a little bit different around our friends?

Y/u/n - sure

CUMulostratus - and I’ve seen him around our friends before you were hanging out with us?

Y/u/n - yeah

CUMulostratus - he acts different around you

Y/u/n - uhh yeah that’s why we’re having this convo

CUMulostratus - no I mean like, he looks at you differently than the others. he like watches you when we’re all hanging out but if anyone catches him he looks away

Y/u/n - he’s gonna kill me 😦😂

CUMulostratus - LOL nooo

ok, I asked him about it once

Y/u/n - ?

CUMulostratus - I asked how he felt about you and I’ve never seen him turn so red in my life. I almost started to tease him and he got straight up mad at me for a bit. Then he begged me to not tell anyone

Y/u/n - WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THEN

CUMulostratus - BECAUSE YOU GUYS WOULD BE CUTE TOGETHER

Y/u/n - IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN HE LOOKS LIKE HES GOING TO STAB ME AT ALL TIMES

CUMulostratus - are you saying you wouldn’t like to daaaaate him?

Y/u/n - .

CUMulostratus - ?????!!!!!?!!!??!???!!

Y/u/n - okay yeah but like it would never happen

CUMulostratus - JUST YOU WAIT

•logged off at 8:46PM•

Y/u/n - fuck

You set your phone face down knowing you wouldn’t be hearing from anyone soon. Starting to shiver you realized how much Aizawa meant to you and how you didn’t want to ruin your friendship, even if he looks like he’s torturing you in his head at all times. You knew you had feelings for him but kept pushing them down because ‘why would anyone pursue someone that hates them,’ that’s irrational.

Aizawa hated people that were irrational.

Aizawa hated you.

You decided to go to bed early, hoping that would help you be ready to face whatever these changes bring with your best friends. Maybe having a good nights sleep would help clear your head, you thought.

But nothing could’ve prepare you for tomorrow.

[3d-wifey]

Like A Bad Habit

Pairing: Dabi x Reader

Synopsis: Dabi doesn't deserve you, but he needs you

Warnings: Shitty angst, sorta yandere vibes,co-dependency

Word Count: 990

A/N: Idk why I always write Dabi like he's a greaser from the outsiders 💀. Here's something fast and rushed since I haven't posted in a while 😌

These are the facts:

Fact #1.) Dabi's an asshole. He's a selfish, arrogant, unfeeling, son of a bitch who only cares about himself.

Fact #2.) That last fact was a bit of a lie. He wasn't entirely unfeeling. He felt all types of things: Animosity, envy, resentment. And he did care about someone other than himself.

Fact #3.) Despite all of his faults, you loved him. Through all his episodes where he would lash out at you when you didn't deserve it, through the many times he let you down (and God did he let you down), through the times where all he needed was for you to hold him and talk. Fill the air with your thoughts so he wouldn't think about his own.

Fact #4.) You loved him through it all and he let you go.

Fact #5.) He let you go as some kind of self-sacrifice, he supposed. You deserved better than him, better than what he could give you. So, after an argument, he gathered what little shit he had at your apartment, wrote you a note with a simple "I want you to be happy.", and got the hell out of dodge.

He let you go for your own good and he regretted it.

He watched as you rushed to clear the tables in the cafe. The cute little skirt of your work uniform swishing with every movement. It wasn't hard for him to get you alone. You used to take the night shift all the days you worked so it would be easier for Dabi to walk you home. You stuck to a loose schedule, a schedule he had intimate knowledge of. It was one of the small things he liked about your relationship.

You were a creature of habit, which meant if he wanted to spend any time with you, he'd have to adhere to your schedule too. Having a set of goals to accomplish each day gave him a sense of clarity; a feeling of normalcy that he more than needed with his lifestyle.

He absentmindedly brushed the cigarette ash off his fingers, the nerves in his hands too burnt out to light up his pain receptors. Time apart had allowed him to think clearly. It might sound kind of shitty, but Dabi wasn't a martyr.

It turns out self-sacrifice wasn't his thing.

He thought he could get away with actually being a half-decent guy and putting your happiness before his own. He thought he could stomach the idea of you settling down with some average Joe, popping out somebody else's brats, and living some cookie-cutter life. He thought he could stomach you moving on without him, but the idea of somebody else—somebody undeserving—getting to do all the things with you he should be doing made him queasy with regret and bitterness.

He flicked the cigarette bud to the floor, heavy boots grinding it into the ground as he walked towards your cafe.

So, yeah. Dabi was an asshole. He was a selfish prick. He didn't care. He'd be whatever he needed to be to get you back.

He couldn't say that your reaction was surprising. He presumes that your ex showing up at your job after four months warranted an extreme reaction. But the slap to the face was a bit unexpected.

"No! You can't do this to me now! I'm finally fucking happy—You said you wanted me to be happy!" You pushed against his chest weakly. He faltered for a second, holding your squirming body still. Eyes bloodshot with tears streaming down your face, he had never seen you like this before. You were always his strong girl. Level headed were he was impulsive; you never came across anything you couldn't solve and, yet, here you were. So helpless. So vulnerable because of what he did to you.

"Of course I want you to be happy, doll. But, I've come to a realization: What's the point of you being happy if it's not with me?" He smirked, going for cocky but he's sure it must have looked like a grimace. This was horrible, he was horrible. To completely uproot a person's life and then wait until they're finally stable again to try and burrow your way back in like a parasite. It was a messed up thing to do to the person you loved.

But it was because he loved you so much that he was doing this. So, no. He didn't care how messed up it was because the facts about him were true. He was a selfish asshole who only cared about himself. He felt for you so deeply, in a way he didn't feel for anyone else—could never feel for anyone else. You loved him before and you could love him again. He wanted you to be happy, but he needed you by his side.

"Y/n look at—look at me," he grabbed your face between his big hands, forcing you to look at him. Despite yourself, you melted into his hands like you used to, like you belonged there, like a bad habit. "I need you, doll. And I know the feeling's not mutual, but I couldn't give less of a shit. You aren't getting rid of me." It was the closest thing to an apology he could muster. A promise that he wouldn't leave you again.

And then you turned and hesitantly kissed his hand (like he was something precious, something deserving of your gentleness) and if his tear ducts weren't burned to hell, he would cry. Your lips brought some type of feeling to the otherwise dead skin. Only you could do that. Only you could give some type of meaning to a man made of scrap parts. Without you, he was just a walking corpse. Trash pieced back together and driven by one goal. But not with you. With you, he was more.

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

[mashi-sims]

My 5x10 Thoughts (I have many).

I’m going to start with the non-Cooliver material, because for once, an episode has made me feel like there’s actual stuff to talk about (other than Cooper and Oliver, of course). So, here we go:

1.       Franklin and Anna-Kat must be protected at all costs. I love these two characters and the fact that they are very openly calling each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” in this season is amazing. I really enjoy Anna Kat this season; of course, it’s different, but it’s still good. It honestly disgusts me how so many people keep commenting “Where’s the real Anna-Kat?” on AHW’s ig posts. Julia made the decision to leave, it isn’t the show’s fault, and it definitely isn’t Giselle’s fault. I love how Giselle is trying her best to portray a character that people already loved for her kooky-wicked personality, which already gave her dramatically high expectations to meet, and you can clearly see her progress EVERY EPISODE, she’s amazing. If anything, we should be praising this young girl for taking the challenge and carrying it on!

 2.       Taylor and Trip’s relationship is going down the drain? I’m honestly not a 100% certain. If anything, I believe it’s more of a 50/50 chance. There are many ways this could be headed. I like Taylor and Trip’s relationship because they’re both very sweet and they fit together in a nice way, but honestly, and hate me if you want, there’s nothing about it that makes me crazy. I think it’s very clever how they introduced Taylor’s doubts about Trip, which are completely valid. Leaving someone who is holding you back in any way is always okay if your personal growth is your main focus. If she wants to explore new parts of herself and to be able to do it, means she has the leave Trip behind, so be it! However, what I don’t like, is that this happened because of Andre. Again, don’t get me wrong, I really like Andre, and after last night’s episode, I think he’s very sweet and would be a good match for Taylor. What I mean is, I don’t like the idea that she only figured out she had bigger dreams because she met someone else. It’s okay when you look at a person who makes you rethink stuff and opens up new thought opportunities so you can get to exploring them yourself, but the show clearly made it known since the beginning that he was a potential new love interest, and (at least to me) it kind of feels like she’s replacing Trip. I have no predictions and no hopes for Taylor/Trip/Andre because they’re not really the reason why I watch the show (we all know why I watch the show), but I’m interested in seeing what happens.

 3.       I have no feelings about Greg running for city council. I also have no feelings for his competition. Yes, those are my thoughts.

 4.       Katie and Kathryn’s storyline here was pretty minor in my head, but it honestly sparked up one of my biggest fears in life, which is becoming my mother, you know? lol. It was still nice to see her becoming a more supportive mom and letting her kids suck at stuff instead of never trying at all.

 And now, for Cooliver. Let’s begin with the thought that kept me up at night:

1.       Oliver said “We are COOLIVER”. OMG yes. Yes yes yes, just- yes. I don’t want to be a bitch but it always rubbed me the wrong way when people call the ship “Coopoliver”, which I learnt people do when I tried searching the tag on Instagram; so the fact they even pronounced the letters C O O L I V E R made me so happy. It’s official.

 2.       Are you telling me Trevor thinks they’re dating? YES PLEASE. Does this mean people at school ALSO believe they are dating? Are Cooper and Oliver the only people who don’t know they’re dating?

 3.       I know we all want canon Cooliver, but I was actually happy they didn’t do it in this episode. I am really loving this slow-burn. Cooper has been having a lot of personal growth this season; I love how he’s getting to know himself and what he wants and he’s starting to prioritize himself. I’m not going too in depth about this because I don’t feel like right now, but I’m assuming Cooper latched onto Oliver’s dreams simply because he didn’t have any of his own; always living a materialistic life drifted him away from thinking about his feelings and his soul’s ambitions, and now that he gave up all that, has started to realize there’s more to him that what he originally thought. All of this is just going to make Oliver fall more in love with him in the end, because there’s so much he still doesn’t know about Cooper.

 4.       I am clearly not a writer in this show and my opinions are worth -1%, but I’d want for the show to build this story up and give us an actual, tangible, well-constructed romance. I wouldn’t want them to go take the “Oh do I like you? Yes you like me omg let’s be boyfriends” route, because that’s not sustainable in any way, but giving us a real slow-burn where they start realizing things, and then thinking about things- and talking about things- and THEN making it official? YES. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m a sucker for slow-burn and I hate when things are rushed, and I honestly fear seeing this relationship die because of poor writing.

 I want to say that although I don’t what’s going to happen to this show, and I only found out this existed like two months ago, it’s been a good run. This show is so much better than MANY others and has brought me my good dose of laughs, I also met a really nice fandom and people who are very supportive of each other, you guys really are amazing. Every other fandom I am (or was) a part of is either toxic af or dead, and although this one is pretty small, it’s really cool!

[eddielala]

Okay, I won’t sleep.

Here’s my goddamn summary and explanation of the meta. Because I have to say it.

1. They cut the ‘I love you’ scene . You know why? It was a hint that this episode won’t be about them.

2. We don’t know how long Dean was in the bunker and cried. We do know he didn’t pick up the phone the first time Sam called.

3. Dean arrives with the Impala. You can see he’s broken. And I really mean fucking goddamn broken. Jensen acted it very well and in character. He looks to the ground, he tries not to cry, his eyes flutter. He doesn’t realize what Jack and Sam are saying, you literally can see him thinking. Cas told him he loves him and died, that’s not easy to handle. Not for Dean, who’s still unsure about his sexuality.

4. “He saved me”. Well, he didn’t say ‘he loves me’. But ‘he saved me’ is the exact same thing for Dean, because he’s the man who doesn’t deserve to be saved. Saving him was Cas’ love confession and with telling Sam and Jack about it, he said ‘he loves me’. And come on, Dean talking about feelings would be out of character. We see a drunk Dean sleeping between beer bottles, that’s enough.

5. The dog is Cas. Not in person, but it’s kind of an incarnation. The angel with the puppy eyes, loyal, brave. Dean sees Cas in it and that’s the reason he falls in love with ‘Miracle’. He dies because of god and the moment of joy is over. Btw in the end you can see the dog again. Sooo, maybe Cas is on his way?

6. Adam is dead. It was only Michael and Adams body. And after Michael is killed Adam is gone forever. Maybe it’s a message because the fans always made fun that the writers and the boys forgot their brother. Now he’s gone.

7. The Cas call scene. You can see the desperate in Deans eyes. I already saw some posts about it and they were on point. The moment of hope in Deans eyes when he hears Cas’ voice, he jumps off and runs upstairs. That’s love btw. He wants so bad that it’s Cas, even he knows it’s nearly impossible.

8. Lucifers comeback. Maybe fan service? Mark was a brillant Lucifer. And we have the situation of the archenemies again: Lucifer and Michael, both with daddy issues. One last fight. And, surprise, Luci dies. The “good” one wins. Luci is now in the empty again... isn’t he? But I think his death is permanently. They wanted to solve the problem with the whole ‘in SPN nobody stays dead’ thing. But dunno, I didn’t look up the cast for next week’s episode.

9. The reaper. Well, I was in shock when she showed up. I really thought it’s Cas in a female vessel but it was just a reaper. Luci kills her, here’s new death. Well, they needed someone to open up the goddamn book. Wasn’t very exciting. And she was dead as fast as she was alive. I think the writers didn’t know how to open up the book otherwise.

10. The plan. What a rush. And how could god not know it? He’s omniscient? Hm... well, I think the most important scene was the one when Dean asks god to bring Cas back. The anger in his eyes, mixed with desperation. He would kill his brother, but Cas has to live. That’s character development, you can’t tell me otherwise. And that’s also plot development.

11. Michael’s death. Kill off and gone. Well, I think they had to get rid of him. But he died through the hands of his loved father. Could be a hint that daddy issues have to be solved and shows that Chuck is a goddamn son of a bitch.

12. Jack. Oh, he’s an adult now! I think it was the best what could happen to our baby. He always felt not strong enough and now he’s god. That’s a promotion! It was a good decision: Jack was not controlled by his feelings - sure he had bad days, but his wisdom was greater than god’s actually. The reason is that he’s half an angel. And he’s half an human. God made the angels the image and likeness of himself but he wasn’t satisfied by the result. So he created humanity the same way. Jack is a combination out of god’s objective, destructive side and god’s loving, emotional side. And both sides were always in balance, and that’s the reason he could be a energy - how did they call it - sucking hole without getting destroyed by gods and Amaras power. Because these powers need balance and Jack could give it to them.

13. God. God’s an asshole. And we know he represents the writers of Supernatural. When Chuck beats the shit out of Dean and Sam it’s actually a message: The writers harmed them so many times, the whole series is a fucking drama. It represents how they dealt with them, they send them to hell and back so many times. They tortured them, broke their hearts. That’s the last time the writers harm them so much. Because they - Chuck - looses his powers. Dean and Sam take over the situation. Dean and Sam represented and influenced by Jensen and Jared. And by the fans. The writers aren’t able to change them anymore. They are what we want them to be. Because they don’t have the power anymore.

14. The book. We see the white pages of the book. God can’t see what’s written there. The pages are blank. This means the writers are finished. They don’t have something to say anymore. The story got told and there’s nothing what follows. The pages are white and ready for stories from other people. Fanfics, fanarts, and so on. Chuck, the writers, tell us there’s nothing left to say. It’s over.

15. Dean doesn’t kill god. Chuck provokes Dean to kill him and Dean says to him, that’s not who he is. You remember Cas said it this to him, right. It’s not a love confession but something like this. He finally accepts who he is and that he has feelings and not only a raised killing machine. He accepts himself. Maybe that’s a good sign for the next episode.

16. Jack disappears. I know he’s family but for real: he found his happiness being a god. He will change the world. I already said why he’s perfect for this job. And his disappearance is... well, gives me a comfortable feeling. He’s in peace and he found his mission of life. And you can’t tell me he didn’t bring back Eileen and the others. We don’t know if he can bring back Cas out of the empty. But I think he would bring Cas back if he could. Maybe he couldn’t and the story gets told in the last episode. However, Jack did a great job.

17. The ending. Yeah, what did we expect? They already told us with the season’s posters that it’s about Sam and Dean. And only them. And I can understand why Dean seems to be happy there. They literally saved the goddamn world again. But I don’t think it’s only this. They are free now. That means they can become what they want - what the fans want because the writers lost their power. And maybe that’s a hint on Destiel being confirmed by Dean in the next episode. And they’re driving with the Impala but we don’t know where they will go. Hmm... and maybe Dean smiled because he had hope again? Hope to save his... boyfriend?! Don’t know, but he’s able to do it now.

So, maybe I’m too romantic but that’s what I think. I think we see Cas again and that they will be together. I don’t know and I don’t think we will get a love confession from Dean (I know, sad. I thought we get it). But I think there’s hope. Maybe - that’s only a theory - they don’t want to make it completely canon because they argue that the end should offer enough possibilities for the fans to write and draw and so on. I would be pissed if that’s the argument, I mean queerbaiting is real but we don’t know.

I don’t find an answer in the confusing statements of the actors and the crew. Misha said he’s not in this episodes, but he was on set. It’s canon, but Dean doesn’t reciprocate? What the hell? It’s a mess and they have to clean it up for the fans. They said it won’t be a ‘Game of Thrones’ ending and hell yes, I don’t want that. It would suck. Also they said the ending would make 30% of the fans happy - maybe that’s us. We’ll see.

Edit: Btw I wrote it before, I think it’s true that Cas gets more attention in the last episode because of the fact it’s the series finale. Cas wasn’t just part of the season and we know it was the season finale, he’s part of the whole series for years. So why not bring him back for the series finale?

[extraordinarilyextreme]

sleuth of ming dynasty spoilers! (im reposting this separately)

Okay but

1) the emperor genuinely caring for the safety of his subjects; this is the capital city of his empire and he was safe and sound while so many civilians just died and he immediately tried to guarantee their well-being

2) WangZhi seeing all those beggar orphan kids and probably thinking of himself

3) our ot3 met three years ago actually but they never asked for each other’s names

3.5) do I have to be the ot3 fanfic I want to see in the world

4) tangfan literally being suizhou’s cure... or not cure, but like... suizhou’s worst nightmare is tangfan getting hurt and he only returns to better functioning after tangfan moves back home

5) Dong’er being literally the best girl ever who refused to walk away even when suizhou had his Episodes and she was scared because she loves her Sui da’ge!!!!

6) found family not knowing how to best help suizhou with his ptsd but still trying their best

7) the portrayal of a neurodivergent character!!! That wasn’t for comedic purposes!!! Someone who genuinely loved and cared about his partner knowing that she would probably never understand him and everything he’s done for her because he didn’t communicate like a neurotypical

8) suizhou not being able to touch tangfan vs tangfan similarly trapped behind bars... every time, suizhou’s top priority is tangfan

9) THE EMPEROR GRABBING WANGZHI AND CHECKING HIM FOR INJURIES!!! BITCH HE IS YOUR SON I DONT CARE HOW YOU DENY IT FOR THE SAKE OF THE ROYAL IMAGE

10) everyone just agreeing that tangfan and suizhou should be together because they make each other better

11) duoerla deserved so much better; honestly a lot of the women in this show deserve better

12) the imperial consort being the emperor’s true bodyguard, leader of an all-woman army POETIC CINEMA

13) lizilong makes me think of the character that actor portrayed in yanxi palace and... honestly still pretty wretched and sad even though both characters were terrible people

14) WangZhi snapping awake and asking for tangfan

15) wangzhi’s admittance that “我舍不得” to just execute his loyal follower because he’s gotten used to having him by his side

16) literally WangZhi was so flirtatious during that last sequence, “我帮你，你帮我嚒~” how genuinely hurt he looked when tangfan first said it’s better they not meet again anytime soon

17) how WangZhi just SMILES when suizhou gently says that “you’ve changed. You’ve become soft.”

18) the cup!!! The damned cup!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really wish they explored WangZhi’s relationship with the crown prince more since they’re basically siblings at this point given how fondly the emperor treats them both... anyway imperial consort loves her son despite how harsh she can seem,,,, “remember to eat well. Youve looked skinnier recently.”

19) THE! WAY! SUIZHOU! PUTS! THE! CAPE! OVER! TANGFAN’s! SHOULDERS! And the look that tangfan shoots at him—that’s quite some explicit content right there oh my

20) FOUND FAMILY FOUND FAMILY DO YOU HEAR ME FOUND FAMILY

I was definitely worried about the forced hetero storylines but I will say that duoerla literally deserved so much better. Both women set up to be fanzhou’s het love interests deserved so much better than what happened to them.

There were a lot of badass women though!!! Instantly remind me how fucking gay I am

Anyway I don’t think there are any plans for a season 2 or anything but it would be so cool if they continued to explore WangZhi’s new post, or like the crown prince stepping up to Emperor, or dong’er and tangfan’s newphew growing up, and just more domestic bliss of Suizhou cooking for tangfan

21) suizhou looking SO DAMN PLEASED when tangfan praised the pig trotters dish

Definitely gives me some cql vibes with the stoic one Falling first, but I similarly believe that the two oblivious geniuses of the show catch on much quicker than their novel counterparts (although I have only heard some tidbits about tsomd novel and have never read it myself)

Ugh I want to see my ot3 solve cases together,,, they’re so badass when they coordinate because they have such good chemistry and know how to play off each other’s strengths

I know fanzhou is the endgame otp but the show definitely frames all of them as a great relationship

22) ALSO OK DOCTOR PEI AND TANGFAN’s SISTER OMG OK LIKE did they really have to do that in front of suizhou making dinner lmao good guy had the manners to say “congratulations” LOL

23) suizhou’s right hand man... I hope he’s great friends with wuyun... I hope they hang out together...

24) ugh the fucking real smile wangzhi struggles to hide as his enemies all topple down and how DAMN PROUD the emperor, HIS DAD, looks at him

Anyway. Good. I cried like a little baby because I feel so much for fanzhou. Suizhou who NEEDS to have somebody to care for, to bring him back to reality and ground him, who makes everything normal and safe and okay—Tangfan being safe and enjoying his cooking means that suizhou hasn’t fucked up and brought disaster everywhere he goes like he is constantly terrified of

And tangfan who has such great character and integrity, who kept a single pair of chopsticks and sold everything else his parents left him for his sister’s dowry, who always wants to protect people too—how he snapped to his senses three years ago to help find survivors, who despite his complaints actually does not care very much at all about his rank... he needs someone to take care of him for once too

(Tangfan respecting boundaries and tugging at the blanket rather than a sleeping suizhou because he knows that an unconscious and vulnerable suizhou should Not be Disturbed at Any Costs)

Anyway I really want to explore how they take care of each other and their terrible workaholic habits and how they raise dong’er,,, I want tangfan and suizhou to talk more about the Trauma and help each other through it,,,, I really want them to just come to terms with how much they have suffered and experienced for each other

Also WangZhi... his parting scene made me think of that dr who quote: do you think I care for you so little that betraying me makes a difference? I hope he and his righthandman learn to trust each other again,,, to talk about what led to the events of the betrayal since it was So Obvious how much the other man loved wangzhi,,, always protecting him when in danger, always rushing to ensure his safety... I hope wangzhi continues to be Soft around him even at the new post and they idk forgive each other and just make up... also you can’t convince me otherwise that he was a little jealous of tangfan due to how often WangZhi called for the detective

Well if you made it to this point, thanks for hearing me out!

[totallypathet]

Episode Three

First of all...what the fuck was that challenge. And what the fuck was the logic to judging it?! I spent so much of this episode just being confused. I think it would have been so much better if they were allowed to come up with their own ideas and characters, instead of having this really narrow space to work in; that was bizarre to me. Like Just Jan could have done a really delusional, high energy character who was the worst singer in the world; that would have been funny! Instead they stuck them with these bizarre storylines that made no sense, and had very little humour in them. Idk whose choice that was but it was a choice. Anyway, let's get into the rundown!

1. Aiden Zhane

I am not living for Aiden at all. Her attitude in both episodes has let a lot to be desired for me. And also, that runway? What was that? I could buy that dress on Asos, glue some bows to it and have that look. The concept was cool, the bows falling on her? Cool idea. But if you're going to do that then you need to Do It, yknow? Like it would have been cool if she'd had a huge wig completely made of bows. Or if she'd had an umbrella and made it look like it was raining bows, or something, that could have been really cool! It could have been amazing and she took a really easy way out. Disappointing. And her performance was dull. She deserved to be in the bottom more than Nicky Doll.

The only thing I will say for Aiden in this episode is the way Brita and Redacted behaved towards her was really uncool. They did that whole "you didnt lead us at all", and then told her that they carried her? You know that if she had led them they would have totally thrown her under the bus and said "well we do this professionally and we wanted to do this, but she was the leader and she made us do that". It was totally a damned if you, damned if you don't; and that was really unfair.

2. Brita

Guys, I am Bored of Brita. I am over it, and I am underwhelmed. I haven't seen anything from her that I've enjoyed! Her looks have been dull, she's not that funny, and I dont like the way she behaves (like I said with Aiden). She wont be next to go home, but hopefully she wont be long.

3. Crystal Methyd

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE CRYSTAL METHYD! I'm so sick of them going "oh her makeup is always the same", when it has been different each time!! She has a style and a brand, but it's not the same face!! Aiden Zhane does the same fucking face, none of them have picked that out! Loads of queens come in and they only have one face! Not mentioning any names Silky Nutmeg Ganache and Roxxxy Andrews. They got away with it because they were beauty mugs and that's the type of drag this show is biased towards. Crystal Methyd is an artist, let her do herself! That runway look was ugly though. Having said all that. Her face was gorgeous, I loved her makeup, I just thought that look wasnt very her! It didn't suit her somehow, it wasn't right. But she tried really hard during the improv, and I think she did a passable job! She honestly should have been safe, fight me. I just really hope she doesn't change herself to please the judges bc she has such a great vision and point of view, and I don't want her to lose sight of how great she is.

4. Dahlia Sin

Dahlia, Dahlia, Dahlia. Speaking of being underwhelmed, am I right? I had such high hopes for Dahlia, but this week she just didn't pull anything out. I personally think the fruit sketch was really funny, but it would have been exactly the same if Dahlia hadn't been in the group. She was so focused on being ~sexy~ (which is tough in a broccoli costume), that she forgot about everything else. Plus her bows and buttons look was just...odd. from the neck up it had this very avant garde, couture feel, but the outfit itself just looked unfinished. And then to have this weird arse peekaboo thing? Really weird choice. She deserved to be in the bottom and, after that lip sync, she deserved to go home.

I have seen a lot of posts about Dahlia "storming out", and I genuinely don't understand what they're talking about? Like, okay, she didn't say anything before she walked off, does that really constitute storming off? If she'd walked off while Ru was still talking, or if she'd yelled/screamed/sworn, then sure, maybe - but from what I saw she was just upset and wanted to leave as fast as possible. Idk, also they haven't released Untucked on the UK Netflix, so maybe there was more I didnt see.

5. Gigi Goode

I live for Gigi so much. I mean come on! Her character in the improv was passed out half the time and still had presence! She's so funny, and she's not afraid to let loose and get ugly. I think she did a good job in the improv, especially for someone without all that much experience, and her look on the runway was incredible. Solid 8/10 for Gigi this week.

6. Heidi N Closet

Heidi was robbed. I bought everything Heidi was selling this week. I bought it, I didn't stream it, I didn't rent it from the Netflix, I bought it. She was so funny during the challenge; the flipper? She spat out? Iconic. She had me dying the whole time, her, Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode should have their own series, I'd watch the hell out of it. Then she came bouncing down the runway as glitter Pinnochio, and she told that story about when she was at school and I loved every second! Shes so charming, and loveable, and relatable, and Jaida Essence Hall must have been gagged when she was top 2. She was robbed, she should have won, and she should keep her name! That whole thing with "the mouth has to change shape and it's not satisfying to say"? Bullshit, utter bullshit bitch. Heidi N Closet 4lyf.

7. Jackie Cox

Jackie made me so happy this week! Their whole group was hilarious, but Jackie doing the bad ventriloquist act just sent me, I loved it. And she just seems like the sweetest person as well! Her runway look was gorgeous, I loved the reference, her makeup was absolutely stunning, Jackie Cox is seriously the whole package. Her and Heidi should have been top 2 together.

8. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida came in looking like a pageant queen, but she seriously flexed her comedy muscles this week! Her "bad apple" was hilarious, and she really committed to it! She was a firm leader in the group, but she was a good team player in the scene, she let everyone else have their moment too, and it was a good performance! I was a little bit disappointed that her runway look was very very similar to her spring mini challenge look from last week, but it was still a good look, and honestly I probably wouldnt have noticed if it hadn't been one episode after the other. She has shown a lot of diversity already, I think she just set the bar so high last week that I was really expecting something incredible, and I got something that was "just" good instead. She's still one to beat at the moment!

9. Jan

Jan made me so proud this week!! She was really funny in the skit, she had so much energy and enthusiasm, I loved it! Her jokes were funny, she picked a solid character and played it well, and can we talk about the runway though??? I really expected her to come out in something cute, because her personality is so bubbly and instead she gave me horror high fashion, monster couture and she Sold. Every. Second. It was a total transformation from the challenge to the runway and that, at the heart of it, is what I love about drag; that transformation aspect is just art to me. For me, Jan has it all. She definitely should have been top 3 this week. I think she's served the best runways so far, and I cannot wait to see what she does next week.

10. Nicky Doll

Okay, you guys know I love Nicky Doll. This week was not a good week for her. I appreciate that improv must be so hard in your second language, but I think she suffered a little bit from Dahlia Syndrome: she was so focused on staying pretty that she didn't really deliver anything. I kind of wish her character had literally just been French and spoke no English - part of the joke could have been that language barrier and Crystal/Window not understanding a word she said and her getting more and more frustrated about it. That could have been really funny. Also, her runway look...I know where she was going with it, it was a cool concept, and it was executed okay, there was just something missing, you know? It felt a little bit rushed, and again there was this real focus on being ~pretty~. Maybe if she'd looked a little more Cinderella ish, like her makeup wasn't perfect, and her hair was tied up like she was actually sewing, it would have sold me a little more character. I'm not sure, everything was just a little off for me this week, but I still think she's fierce af, and we all stumble sometimes. I'm looking forward to seeing her get back on her feet next week!

11. Rock M Sakura

Rock M was picked last for the challenge, I could not believe it. She deserved better than that, I was shook. She definitely picked the right group though, she was really funny as the Orange! She looked like she was having fun, and that's what I love about Rock M, is that I have fun watching her have fun. Her jokes were great, she matched Jan's energy, and I think she did a good job. I loved her runway look as well, the Alice in Wonderland concept was great, and I love that she kept the dress pretty simple so that the focus was on her hair and makeup! Her makeup was gorgeous, and the detail of the buttons on her face was stunning! It was a great concept, well executed, this week was a great week for Rock M, and I'm going to be furious if she gets picked last again.

12. Widow Von Du

Widow is getting The Edit. The edit that queens of colour who are talented get, where they paint them as bitchy, or loud, or as stepping on the other girls' toes; so that the audience isn't too pussed off when they get eliminated. Widow is exceedingly talented, and funny, and filled with personality. She also serves looks and delivers incredible performances. I will not let this edit take that away from her. She did great this week. She delivered everything I ordered in the challenge and more, she completely transformed for the runway, and she sold me a great presentation. Widow is definitely one to beat.

[incorrectcatfacestudios]

Headcanons + Making this to replace my old headcanons post.

Disclaimer: JUST GOING TO SAY NOT EVERYTHING I GIVE THEM IS SOMETHING I AGREE WITH! like Some characters will have a headcanon that’s more because I can ACTUALLY SEE Them enjoying an activity but even if they do I DON’T their are things that these characters would do that I DON’T think anyone else should do EVER!

Asch

Has a safe space in his room where he can be himself. It’s a place where He gets to let his guard down. that is his earth room

Has a tendency to be more attracted to those with a darker tone then him. then again its not really hard to have a darker complexion then him. (Regardless of race someone could have a tan or something, or just be a bit darker than him.) He himself hasn’t noticed this and probably never will.

Mirage sleeps in his room

If Rhys somehow got really sad and mopey he’d locate that ice cream truck and angrily threaten the ice cream man to give him all of the ice cream or DIE. Or he’d just want the entire truck, & if no one stopped him then he’d throw it through Ava’s window into her apartment.  

Sometimes late at night when everyone’s sleeping & Asch can’t, he summons Rhys to his room and forces him to read him a bedtime story. Rhys used to do this when Asch was younger as well. He really likes Rhys’s voice. 

If he was a human he’d probably be some NEET gamer who spends all his time roleplaying on World of Warcraft or something and he’d always rage about bad plot points or game mechanics in Anime & Video games.

The most likely to dirty talk

He sneezes like a kitten and when he does fire comes out. 

Would be god awful at pole dancing

 He doesn’t know what to do when it comes to love and isn’t used to physical affection.   Its.....very pleasant whenever he gets it...but it also feels too comfortable for him. He’s scared of comfort, despite loving it.  

Later on once he embraces affection he becomes absolutely addicted to it and is by far the most passionate of them. Though that angry scowl never leaves unfortunately . His passion rages on like a burning flame, like....an intense RUSH of desire. It can be overwhelming at times. 

In fact he DEMANDS the affection. 

In battle he’s more brutish than the others by far. A giant barrage of flames being sent EVERYWHERE . 

One time he read a fanfiction & thought it was 100% Canon. & when anyone said otherwise He screamed angrily and shot fire balls at them; Even when they weren’t physically there. Of course since they weren’t there he just  ended up burning the phone Ava got for him, but you know, whatever.

Loves curry 

Really likes chocolate and caramel for whatever reason, but he can’t stand other sweets. he also likes strawberries 

He enjoys the video game Indivisible, & some war military tactic games. He also likes rage games for some reason too even though he hates them, its complicated but he can’t stop playing, he gets too into it and too angry. He also enjoys racing games & MARIO PARTY, Especially when he wins.   

His favorite animal is the bull  

Dhaur is his husbando 

His sin is wrath  

 Used to hate Steven Universe at first then grew....to like it. then love it. It seemed so dumb to him at first but as he watched it he came to understand it more. 

Asch trusts Rhys more than the other daemos. He’s known him the longest and believes in his judgement he doesn’t think Rhys would EVER lie to him or deceive him.  Because of this Rhys is the only person Asch is ever fully open with. He wouldn’t leave anyone else he was this open with back on daemos. He is quite FOOLISH to believe this however. :) after all Rhys is working with Lady Grandma. 

He once dared Leif to eat a cactus after getting particularly angry in a game of truth or dare 

 Him and Rhal never get along ever. They always yell it eachother, and get into arguments.

Rhal has far more Knights than Asch 

As for Lady Bish. Asch is completely indifferent towards her.  

He doesn’t know why but he keeps on sniffing Ava’s bra for reasons obvious to the rest of us. Regardless he destroys them just the same

Smell/sweat Kink bitches 

 Probably into S&M.  

 He sometimes rehearses villainous Dialogues with himself in the mirror when no one’s around. 

He also does this with Rhys on occasion...if he’s feeling particularly BRAVE that day

Holds up a lot of pent up emotions and hides it pretty well. He prefers to let them out as anger instead..but when he gets drunk it all just POURS out of him. He just sobs and cries and hugs and kisses and laughs. just...everything. ALL OF THE EMOTIONS BESIDES ANGER he expresses openly. He doesn’t become a completely different person he just becomes far more open. He compliments a lot as well.

He got drunk once and decided from that day NEVER AGAIN! 

 Though when he first got drunk he really liked it. Despite the flavor. and downed like 3. 

 That was a #Mistake 

His favorite Crystal gem is Garnet, or Sapphire? Its hard for him to choose between them. 

Rhys

 The thiccest of the daemos on earth. By that I mean he has the biggest butt 

 What I mean by that is he does a lot of squats, & Glute exercises. He also has a magic that makes all the fat he gains go to his butt but that’s not important. Its not always in affect only for emergencies.   

Would be VERY interested in science if he knew what it was

He would eat pizza with a fork

Gluttonous in any task he enjoys. When he eats he eats ALOT, sex would last a long time with him Though not many people know this about him because he takes his time. 

The  common one is Research, reading, observing, & ESPECIALLY LEARNING.

 He also adores validation give him it.. Wears a long trench coat to hide his big butt from the world well not hide but-. 

 specifically daemos since some uncultured daemos tend to be quite handsy.

 It doesn’t always work but whatever trench coats are cool. 

 has frequent discussions with Asch in his room. He’s the only one Asch is completely honest with. Asch trusts Rhys with EVERYTHING. 

If he was a human he would be a college student studying to be a scientist of some kind. 

He would also work volunteer jobs at the retirement homes. 

If he was a human he’d probably meet Asch by working as his grandmothers nanny. I don’t think Asch would live by himself.

has a tad bit more fat on him than the others. but his muscle can distract from that. Plus his fat isn’t even noticeable outside of his ass His lover would nickname him sunrise, because his smile can chase the night away, cause his face is what brightens their day, because he is the beginning of something new bright and beautiful. 

loves Rubix Cubes If he romanced Ava it wouldn’t be because he likes her it would be because he wants to use her. mostly for her nonexistent power ((magical and political)) 

Loves sweets more than the rest of them

I think I had enough for him last time. 

His mother and Asch’s were close.  

Spends waaayyyy too much time trying to over analyse tv shows he watches 

Is a big fan of Pheonix wright, Fran Bow, Gravity falls, Danganronpa, Dr. Stone, Dr. Who, Fnaf, & pretty much any other game or TV show that either gives you a lot to think about after the episodes/playthrough, is chock full of thousands of possibilities and theories, or requires a lot of thought and problem solving to play. He also likes strategy games like Fire Emblem, & Final Fantasy Tactics. OH! And Pokemon but not for the normal gameplay for the competitive scene. 

Due to having the element of water he is  usually cool calm and collected. but he also is able to flow with a situation if needed. He’s passive  

 Often reads to Asch because Asch has a harder time reading. Him and Asch went to school together when they were younger and thus have a closer bond than the others.  ((Lady grandma forced Asch to go)) 

Once asked Ava if she had any more of those porn magazines. Was pleased to find that Ava had an entire closets worth. Though not all of it was the fighting techniques he was looking for. 

He  has no fucking idea how a vagina works in the slightest. or what vagina’s even look like? Despite his extensive knowledge sex is one of the places where he knows the least. Because he has no idea what lesbian sex is he is completely oblivious to the fact that he’s been staring at 2 girls fucking it on in those magazines he’s found underneath Ava’s bed. 

 He once had to help Leif out with the creation of the Furby organ. It was incredibly difficult for him but also very insightful 

 The Furbies terrify him though.  That STARE its..just...ugh 

 The best at pole dancing. 

Is far more elegant on the battle field than the others. His attacks are more precise and careful than theirs are. 

He’s also the best at dancing...well fancy dancing. like ballet,  and slowdancing. 

Sleeps in Ava’s fridge sometimes. 

Starting teaching Noi how to read a bit more after they went to the mall. The shops are cataloged after all

 Is cold resistant to a point. I mean ice magic CAN still hurt him but like...less. I’d liken it to a Pokemon. 

His favorite crystal gem is garnet. If your talking singular gems then I’d say Ruby. But...like Garnets amazing why would you want to choose just ONE of them as your favorite when..

 Likes classical music, R & B, Soft...indie songs, Soft pop, Trap music & Bossa Nova 

If Ava did marry him she’d probably get locked into a loveless marriage for power that doesn’t exist 

If he found out about Ava’s lies he might have a fucking meltdown. :D like everything he was working towards EVERYTHING would have been for nothing. 

That is until the prospect of watching how the human world continues to function without magic...he’d realize they have TECHNOLOGY and how...amazing it is. 

Leif

The more he likes you the more he’ll want to stab you. Just how it is

The more he’s attracted to someone the more he’ll want to stab their guts out. he’s weird like that.

Big sadist I mean we already know this but like in all the ways? ya know?Like he literally gets an orgasmic feeling in his veins when he slices someone open kind of sadistic.  

If he was a human he would probably be a doctor or surgeon who only has his job because it allows him to legally cut people open.

would’ve probably been one of those school bullies who only bullies someone because he’s in love with them if he was a human

You could literally get him to do anything by being like “ I bet you couldn’t do that. “ or saying “ ____ go get the ____ for me” He makes everything into a competition.

Broke EVERYTHING when he was a child. 

Tried to eat a cactus, because Asch dared him to.  

Asch didn’t think he’d actually do it. 

 His sin is PRIDE of course, which is why he feels like he has to prove everything and lives to have his ego STROKED.

Later he tried to shove a cactus up his ass because a stranger on the internet said that only cowards don’t use cacti as dildo’s 

He had to go to the doctor many times. 

He really liked the large amount of sharp objects in the hospital room 

He may or may not be banned from that hospital

The nurse had to file a restraining order it was a sad day.  But they got the pricks out!! and that’s all that matters! PLUS Leif got a new thumb to add to his collection!

He really likes it because its a special decorated one. With PAINT on the tips. its weird and shiny. The nurse probably won’t need it anyways. 

He has a rotting placenta in his bedroom no one knows where he got it!(AND NOBODY ASKS) but it still has the umbilical cord attached no baby though :(   

He isn’t allowed outside anymore for obvious reasons

He found out what Furbies where and fell in love with them instantly . He stole 20 

He made a Furby organ. why? Because its infinitely stupider and more terrifying than a regular one. He forced Rhys to help cause Rhys is smart. It still took like 90 tries and costed Ava alot of money, and Furbies.

He keeps it in his room and he plays it constantly. Mostly to annoy Asch, Ava, and everyone else around him. He also loves the fact that its called an organ. 

He was dared to eat a jar of nails and he fucking did it. 

He obviously had to use healing magic on himself 

He’s really hot for Noi. Like...a bit too much no one notices though.

 A bit hotter for Ava than Noi though, That’s why he keeps wanting to penetrate her with his knife. The more he threatens to do this the more he likes you. 

His element is Life, or earth. Mostly life which is why he’s so vigorous and excited. 

This is also the reason why he’s so obsessed with killing things. when you live your ALWAYS killing, every move you make you end thousands of lives just like that!  Daemos of the life element seem to want to enjoy life to the fullest and never look back. EVER 

As such he’s also good at cultivating life, weather it be a plant or an animal. Everyones always surprised by this

Back on Daemos before his snap he’d actually be alot kinder to Noi, ((IN the first 4 episodes whenever Noi got hurt he was the only one to ever show any concern. I find that interesting in contrast to how he threw that out in some of the later ones. )) He’d often be the one that consoles noi or talks things out with him. 

Leif is more aggressive, energetic and far more cruel in more docile environments. He becomes much more empathetic, & Calm in hostile ones. ((Like that time where he actually got on Rhys’s case for being too hard on Asch, or the times when he was like “Hey are we actually going to let Noi die” and offering to heal Noi when he was writhing in pain when they came to earth.  ))  

He’s actually more perceptive then he seems, he cares about those around him NORMALLY its just going this long without killing anything is maddening for him. HE NEEDS TO KILL. to let it all out, once he does he’ll act as he normally does.  

He was the only one even remotely kind to Noi back on daemos, that changed when they got to earth. (besides Pierce. ) 

 Though due to his normal lack of empathy in a world where he’s human he’d probably be one of those people who just don’t care about how what they say affects those around them. Doing and saying whatever he wants regardless of how others may interpret that. 

He LOVES Skullgirls. He really likes the character designs and the fact that double always has organs or something hanging out. 

 He also loves all horror movies and video games where he gets to cause mayhem; Like Saints Row, or Grand Theft Auto!  

 He’d be the only one of the daemos that is fully accepting of the weird side of the internet. You know the WEIRD side. He’d be into all of the bizar kinky fetishes you’d find on Furraffinity you just know it.  

 He doesn’t actually like Ava he more-so see’s her as a trophy? I mean well he DOES but he’s mostly in the whole fight for her thing to win a prize. And she’s the prize.   ((Well at least before the newest episode)) 

Pierce

The most Physically affectionate of the daemos even more so than Noi

Big buff bara man. LIKE BY FAR THE BUFFEST 

Would probably run an animal shelter or something if he could

Would be running an animal shelter or something if he was human

Likes….fluffy. waayyy too much 

He’s by far the most empathetic of the daemos. Yes even Noi then again Noi isn’t very empathetic. 

 Very tired 24/7 needs coffee to sustain himself. 

 Often by himself in the quiet. sometimes while alone with his thoughts they spiral out of control, Regret, Doubt, Despair, Uncertainty, Fear, Insecurity.  All at once. Does he cry not at all. He suffers as he stands Silent. ultimately its impossible to tell when he’s having one of these moments as he doesn’t show it on his face.    

 Big PP 

He is very loyal but his loyalty isn’t...friendship. He doesn’t really like Asch very much, but he does trust his judgement and follow his orders. He’s a knight after all, besides he appears to have some connection to one of Asches family members ((The daemos in that Flashback had a crown on their horn)

He likes standing because when he stands theirs no threat of getting too comfortable, no chance of falling asleep and drifting away, no chance of drifting into sleep and deciding to never wake up again, no chance of getting lost in the comforts of the object beneath him. 

He is the one that cares for Ava the most  

 Doesn’t really care about the cultural norms on daemos. he flows free like the wind and accepts any new and sudden changes. 

Heavyish sleeper, gets grumpy when woken up.  Like if your trying to kill him his instincts will kick in and he will wake up but otherwise he’ll just stay asleep. LIKE THROUGH EVERYTHING 

Though while he is the most empathetic of the Daemos he’s also prone to intense levels of apathy, where he just shuts down silent lost in his thoughts unable to be disturbed. these are only momentary  

His element is air. Because of this he’s mostly just free and flowing.  

 Sometimes gives Ava Piggy Back rides to make her feel tall 

 Potentially one of the only one of the Daemos that genuinely care about Ava. 

But also potentially only see’s Ava as a cute pet to love on rather than a person in and of herself. But ultimately he does also care about her feelings, and her opinion on things.

 I prefer to think the latter rather than the former. 

one time he accidentally befriended a large swarm of bee’s and they followed him to Ava’s house. 

 Gives Ava piggy back rides 

Out of the Daemos he’s the one who Ava is closest to. The others have yet to even notice this. 

 One time the boys found porn on the phone and just gathered around the phone looking at it confused all bug eyed. Pierce saw the filth on the screen and made the executive decision to yeet it out the window. 

Ava had to buy a new phone 

 Has a rough yet gentle touch. he takes care and caution when dealing with life. 

because of the above him and Leif have an impossibly hard time cooperating when its just them. 

The best with animals. 

 When not caught up in apathy he is the exact opposite. He becomes far too 

Noi

He would enjoy fortnight if he played it

Would thrive off of old memes 

If he was human he would be that one friend you wouldn’t want to hang out with because he fortnight dances, dabs, uses outdated memes, rick rolls people, and everything unironically.

 The least muscular & Thicc by far. he doesn’t have any meat on his bones, unlike the other 4. Flat boney ass. 

He’d probably be some sort of social media icon or a street performer if he was human. He thrives off of validation. Though because he’s a clumsy fuck street preforming wouldn’t be the best gig for him.

Likes music the most

Would probably be the first of the Daemos to watch and enjoy Steven Universe. ((Though I’d bet the others would come around. They always come around))

 He Rick Rolled Rhys one time. 

 His sin is Envy, he often feels insecure about himself, and he looks up to everyone else seeing how “Cool” or great they are. ALWAYS saying “GOOD JOB ____” whenever they do something cool, he’s always excited but with that excitement comes the thoughts...Why can’t I do things like that? I wish I COULD BE STRONG LIKE PIERCE, I wish I COULD BE SMART LIKE RHYS, I wish I could be PAMPERED LIKE ASCH, I wish I COULD BE HANDSOME LIKE LEIF. That’s why he’s so focused on being better than everyone else. I wanna try! Let me see it! LET ME TRY FOR ONCE. that comes from not only desire but ENVY. he just channels this envy in a much healthier way than most would. *Cough* Leif *Cough* 

 He has EXTREME insecurity problems and longs more than anything to be better than the others. 

After he found out what breakdancing was he dedicated SO MUCH of his time trying to learn how to do it. 

He may or may not be obsessed with that 

 He also really likes Ava. But he’s moreso in love with the idea of her? He doesn’t really listen to much of what she says due to the fact that he’s so scatterbrained and spacey. He just likes when she talks. He mostly fell in love with Ava because she was the first person to present themselves towards him as an option. back on Daemos he was relatively low class. Thus he was viewed as unmarriageable, worthless, dumb, WEAK, & Poor, So trying to enter a relationship with ANYONE was out of the question. The boy thought he would die without finding love.

 He thought Ava was actually GENUINELY interested in romancing him and because of that it excited him. NO ONE HAD EVER actually wanted to romance him. Back at home NO ONE liked him, no one was ever kind to him. Well Leif sometimes was pierce would show some kind of a...paternal affection rarely. But Leif also treated him cruelly and insulted him like the others.

Due to how loving and compassionate he is he was kicked  out of his household. 

 Despite this Noi isn’t exactly empathetic. He doesn’t pay attention to the emotions of others he’s far too caught up in himself.  

In the first 2 days on Earth He & Leif would shit talk Asch behind his back. Mostly talking about how they didn’t really like this plan and just vent their frustrations out at eachother 

Starting on episode 5 him and Leif just kinda. He became too scared of Leif to even approach him as much and thus he kinda grew apart from him. thus causing him to latch more onto Ava. AVA likes him, unlike them. HE HAS PROOF after all. 

 He’s also far too stuck up in the idea of a powerful princess loving him a lowly peasant a low ranking knight someone who.....who wouldn’t be worth anything to her.

If they were to find out about ALL of Ava’s lies he’d take it the 2nd hardest. Asch would be the first, Rhys the 3rd. Leif the 4th, & Pierce the 5th. 

 Mostly because the only reason why she chose him, the only reason why they went on a date wasn’t because she was interested in him but because she didn’t want her cover blown. He thought she actually loved him not to say she doesn’t care for him but-...he thought she WANTED him you know? 

She wouldn’t be a powerful princess, she wouldn’t be a cool sorceress, she wouldn’t be this big thing that he wanted so much she’d just be herself and then Noi’s fantasy would crumble. 

Its the dream the fantasy that someone so powerful so strong would set aside their time and pay attention to him take him out in hopes of COURTING him that he fell in love with. Not ava herself. 

That being said he does like Ava and even prefer spending time with her to half of the main cast.   

Ava

Has to take Prescription drugs

Ate cat food once when she was five

Probably into pet play

Really likes collars

One time she went to some bitch in her high schools  Quinceañera to release a box of 4000 angry bees upon it and run

Greedy  

 Spends alot of her time watching Anime when not with the Daemos

 Her favorite Crystal Gem is Amethyst because god damn

 No where NEAR as thick as Aphmau is. She’s alot more twiggy. 

Would totally do the WEED if her dads weren’t hovering around her 24/7 

 Has a lot of Girl on girl porn in her room. Specif under her bed and in her closet.

[poorreputation]

Undertaker: The Last Ride

When I say I've been waiting years for this, I'm serious. Ever since Undertaker's loss at Wrestlemania 30, and shortly after that the news he would be on the Stone Cold Podcast, I've been eagerly anticipating seeing Mark Calaway speak as himself. Many fans have been hesitant to watch Calaway out of character, worried it would ruin the mystique of the Undertaker, but I've felt for years that the work put into these characters behind the scenes is just as fascinating as the fiction.

I watched episode one soon after it aired, and want to do a rewatch/reaction post before episode two drops tonight. Join me, if you wish.

If you've not seen the episode, a little content warning: there is blood, gore in a surgical setting (very, very graphic, but only there for a couple seconds at a time), needles, and implied injuries, including details of Mark's concussion at WM30.

CHAPTER 1: THE GREATEST FEAR

The series, all five episodes, takes place between 2017 and 2020. Chapter 1 covers Wrestlemania 33, and his match with Roman Reigns, which was intended to be his last.

This is the first time Mark Calaway's really opened up about his work, and himself in general. There's other instances of him being interviewed, even mixing fact and kayfabe, but never on a platform like this, certainly not with WWE.

Mark: You know they call me Santa Clause, now, right? Because I only come out once a year.

Jimmy Hart, being the sweetest: That's all you need to. You look great.

These backstage segments of Calaway with his coworkers are honestly some of the best parts of the episode. A transcript can only do so much justice.

Roman Reigns, upcoming opponent of the Undertaker, signs in at the lobby desk right next to Mark, being a smartass. Screw your camera guy, indeed.

Mark meditates on the struggles of working only once a year, and throughout the episode, chronicles the moments and injuries that make an already challenging schedule nearly impossible. Chasing the dragon that is the perfect match has lead him to a stalemate with himself and his character: if the Undertaker can go out in a match fitting of him at Wrestlemania, Mark Calaway will be happy.

Gah, baby 'Taker at his Survivor Series debut always gets me. No one could've called the run that boy was about to go on. I see other people call this portion of the episode the mythologizing of the character, building him up to be this big deal, and it's so funny to me because I wouldn't be watching if I didn't already think that of him. Like, y'all are just preaching to the choir, at this point. That, and so much that's been said here has been consistent with what Mark's peers have told about him in the past, it just feels like catching people up rather than building an image from scratch.

Say what you will about Vince McMahon (and there's a lot to be said), but there's something special about his comments on Mark Calaway. You rarely get to hear the guy talk candidly as it is, so when he does, you know it's important.

Calaway describing the weight, the prestige of Wrestlemania... and then the sneer he makes after that statement. I ain't a journalist, so I'll freely speculate: 'Mania's for the best of the best, and he just doesn't see himself as deserving to be there, not right now, at least.

Other wrestlers, from Orton to Edge to Batista, talk about what an honor, and mark of trust, it is to work with Undertaker, period. To work with him at Wrestlemania? You've arrived. The implication of what this would, or should, have meant for Roman is clear. It's a wonder if this image that his coworkers built up of him affected Mark's own expectations of himself. I mean, it's more or less spelled out in the episode, and it is the pro wrestling way to go out on your back, losing to someone who can use the rub, but, just throwing it out there, 'Taker had more pressure on him than most. That legacy, 'Mania, and the worry of managing to physically move during a match? It's overwhelming.

For those confused about why working once or twice a year would be so much more difficult than working hundreds of shows in that same time span, Steve Austin sums it up best: the road keeps you calloused and bruised. Ring rust from inactivity, due to being away or rehabbing an injury, gets you both mentally and physically. Knowing Mark's doing this process every year in his 50′s is insane.

During this, Steve plainly states that to go through that, and the many surgeries as Michelle McCool, Mark's wife, mentioned, it makes him a tough son of a bitch. It's an interesting note, considering we start this episode with Mark referring to that toughness as a thing of the past. His perception of himself, and what his peers see, is another fascinating aspect of the documentary.

Calaway talks about how nerve-racking the final workout before 'Mania is. The worry you'll hurt something while trying to train. Later, when other wrestlers talk about how calm, cool and collected 'Taker always seems... it's like they've built him up to be superhuman; Invulnerable to the same things and fears that plague all athletes. They talk about the physical decline, of course, that’s inevitable. But the mental side of things is where the biggest differences are.

Hoo boy, WrestleMania 30, the cause of my first major bout with depression. After that match between Undertaker and Brock Lesnar, not only was I crying and distressed, but there was then the news of Mark Calaway's hospitalization that was the numbing cherry on top. I remember registering how much more important the man's health was, but it was like I couldn't get any more upset. 

After that, I'd read up on so many rumors, that the only new bit of information here in the documentary is about when Mark's being rushed to the ER; how Vince infamously left the arena before 'Mania was over just to make sure Mark was okay, and, in new info, Brock was in the car with him. I cannot stress enough how humanizing that is to hear, especially considering how closely guarded Brock is about his persona, and how the man and the character are often so blended together. Time heals all wounds, but I really appreciated hearing that.

So, the injury for the uninformed: during the match with Brock, 'Taker got concussed. No one knows when it happened, much less Mark, who can't remember anything from after 3:30 PM that afternoon. To say I, and many others, were convinced this was it, he'd retire, would be an understatement. Many people felt he should retire, I did too, at one point. But, I could also tell Calaway wouldn't want to leave on such a note, because frankly, the match sucked. That's what happens when one person gets knocked the fuck out, and the other guy's gotta improvise. The fact 'Taker's going on muscle memory while he's out is nothing short of a miracle.

With WM30 in the books, 'Taker was at a low point, his confidence shot and a lot riding on his match with Bray Wyatt at WrestleMania 31 (or Play Button, if you prefer). Bray himself recalling how nervous he was, but how chill Undertaker appeared, in comparison.

Triple H's pep talk with 'Taker backstage is another gem, and I just love their friendship. I love the raw vulnerability this series is providing, both when it comes to 'Taker, and everyone else around him. I hope it's a constant through the rest of the docuseries.

WM31 was an ego boost, and leads into the superior Brock-Undertaker program in 2015. It's not highlighted as much, but it's fire, and I think allowed Calaway to redeem himself a bit, in his eyes. Not too much, since he didn't retire, but it made fans really start to come back 'round.

Now, I liked WM32 because I got to see it in person, and it was the first time I'd ever seen Undertaker live, so I'm a biased bitch. Anyone signing up to work Hell in a Cell is a ballsy move, and considering how old both 'Taker and Shane McMahon were going into that is no small feat. I liked it, it was a spectacle, and I was sports entertained. There is the implication, between showing clips of WM32 and 'Taker's appearance at the 2017 Royal Rumble, that Calaway wasn't satisfied with how the former turned out. It becomes fully fleshed out he's talking about entering the RR, and feeling intense regret, but that he was also disappointed with the former. Again, if he were happy with it, he'd have retired, but that's again the difference between what the fans see and what the wrestler sees. I, and I imagine roughly 100,000 others, had the time of our lives; Mark Calaway was, and still is, chasing perfection.

With RR 2017, Mark freely admits that he had no business being there. It sounds truly like his thought process in the moment, and not just the regret of how WM33 went down, and that the build for that match began when he and Roman went toe-to-toe at the Rumble.

Back to WM33 weekend. 'Taker's finished up the final workout, and is talking about his place on the upcoming card:

Mark: Regardless of my injuries, regardless of my age, regardless of everything that has happened, if I'm on the card, there's some young guy that's making a lot of the shows through the year, you know, that may not be on that card. So, it's my duty to make sure that it's worth putting me on the card. No one would probably say it to my face if I stunk it up, (but) I would know, and that's one of my biggest fears, and um, is becoming a parody of myself.

This is someone who's also been reading the rumor mill, the comments, general fan reaction. It's neat he's so receptive to fan interaction, and makes me wonder if he's actually been doing this for years, but it's also sad to watch him only see the negative sides. The Undertaker, as a character, wouldn't have worked for so long without innovation, so being open-minded is important. And, I'm all for Mark Calaway doing what he wants with his life, but, for him, will anything, any match, ever be good enough?

It's the night of the Hall of Fame 2017 and we see Mark and Michelle backstage greeting people. We get a shot of Mark saying hi to the likes of the late Bruno Sammartino, inductees Sean Waltman and Kurt Angle, and I just love how dolled up Michelle looks, whereas Mark's just in jeans, a dress shirt and a cap. I love their dynamic, so so much. Also, Mark and Kurt's friendship, that's adorable. One of the good things to happen when I found out about kayfabe was thinking how these characters who normally hate each other on screen, were really besties backstage. It's a thought that still tickles me to this day, and watching that in the episode on several occasions is a joy to behold.

Kurt's talking about 'Taker's role as locker room leader, and Mark mentions how it wasn't ever something he actively pursued, it just happened. Being locker room leader just seems to be yet another thing added to the legend of the Undertaker. Makes a bit more sense why Mark's peers put him on a pedestal.

Wrestlers are talking about how, very early on, Undertaker set the benchmark, the gold standard, of work every night. John Bradshaw Layfield goes on to say, "(Mark) was the yardstick. And if you did well, then pretty much you were in, if not, then you were out, because you knew if you didn't do well, it wasn't the Undertaker's fault." That explains why it hurts so much for 'Taker to not be at his best. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but it's fascinating to see all of these elements come together. It's also interesting to hear JBL build up 'Taker as the greatest of all time, and then plainly say he's never seen Mark in worse shape than he was heading into WM33.

On a lighter note, it's real funny to hear Mark and Roman talk about the latter's new twins (from 2017) considering he's got another set of twins on the way, now. Just in general, Roman going on about how much he loves talking to Mark about work, but mostly family and to hear the stories Mark's got to tell, you can see how much this match means to him. The prestige of working with 'Taker at any point, let alone 'Mania, he knows this is the highlight of his career. I can't help but respect Roman for that, and couldn't help but feel that way going into WM33. It's a stark difference from how I felt about Brock post-WM30, and I honestly thought I was prepared to watch Undertaker take his rumored loss at this show.

It's the night before 'Mania, and they're doing entrance rehearsals. The stage setup for this show was so cool, guys, it took inspiration from the theme parks that are littered throughout Orlando, and was a beauty to see live, especially when it got dark. And 'Taker's entrance, even in practice, is a spectacle.

Cuts to the day of WrestleMania 33. General nerves are felt, and the start of a very long day begins.

Mark: People say, "All you gotta do is go out there and chokeslam somebody, make your entrance, and everybody's gonna be happy." No. I'm not gonna be happy. Like when I say, and this isn't stupid man pride, or cliche stuff. I'm either gonna go out in a match that's befitting the Undertaker at WrestleMania, or I'm going out on my shield, one way or another.

And there we have it, the subject of this docuseries.

Roman talking about the weight of potentially being the last person to work with the Undertaker, it just makes you feel bad for him things didn't work out quite the way they planned. But, it's as JBL summed up before, no matter the outcome or if it's really 'Taker's last match, this is the biggest night of Roman Reigns' career. I know episode 2 will focus on the aftermath of WM33, and Mark's reaction, and what gets him to come back to wrestling, but I hope they get Roman's take as well. Is he as disappointed as 'Taker? Does he blame himself? Or, did he actually like what they did, flaws and all?

Content warning: they show the botched top rope dive from WM25, the one where 'Taker goes head-first into the mat. It's during the segment where Mark explains how he comes from the era of 'if you can move, you can make it to the ring'. He's okay, and we know he's okay, but it doesn't make it hurt any less to watch. They also mention the time he was severely sick and still worked a match with Big Show, and how he caught on fire in 2010 on the way to the Elimination Chamber match. Like, they actually show him engulfed in flames, then narrate how he went on to work the match. I love you, Undertaker, but JFC.

And now we're at the medical portion of the episode. Warning for needles.

Actual showtime for the match, and even now, 'Taker's entrance gives me chills. That feeling of happiness is indescribable, and is that precious something that never fails to make me smile.

So, everything else in the match is framed as great, brutal, well-done, and then that damn botched tombstone reversal comes up, and it's honestly the hardest thing to watch in the entire episode. I swear, it's the only bad thing in my eyes, and seems to be enough to make 'Taker dissatisfied. Again, I'm biased, with others saying his whole mood was off during the match, and that affected the overall performance, so what do I know? But, I will say this, ending 'Mania on such a grim note will always be a strange choice to me. I get it, if not the main event, where else would you put the Undertaker’s retirement match? Still, it completely changed my perception of the whole night, from riding high to finding myself depressed, once again. And maybe that’s exactly what all those wrestlers, namely Vince McMahon, were talking about. Instead of this being Shawn Michaels going out on a high note, it’s far more dour.

Mark: We'll see what tomorrow brings. 

And with that look, and the fact he's had a match as recently as March/April of this year, he won't be gone for long.

Preview for the next episode contains intense surgical imagery. Just a heads up.

Post-episode thoughts:

I learned very little new information, but that's not the the hook of this series for me. Undertaker's the first character I ever truly loved, long before the likes of Supernatural came into my life. An interesting dynamic is potentially seeing both the Undertaker retire, and Supernatural come to a close, in the same year. I don't find myself mourning either, because I've already been through that. Now, I just want to indulge in behind-the-scenes tales, and watch two of the most influential stories in my life come to a close.

I greatly look forward to Chapter 2 of The Last Ride, and the rest of the episodes to come.

[just-absolutely-super]

Okay final episode let’s do it LET’S GO LET’S GET THIS BITCH OVER WITH

Soul Eater Episode 51 or “*MUFFLED FRUSTRATED SCREECHING*”

So the epic final conclusion to the fight with Asura...ends with a punch in the face

...

*long suffering sigh*

That’s just so...STUPID!

MAKA ACTUALLY GOES FULL WEAPON ON US AND YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THAT BE OUR ASSPULL DEUS EX MACHINA?!

JUST SOME PRETTY WORDS ABOUT BRAVERY AND THEN A PUNCH?!

THIS IS FREAKING ASURA WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! IF A FUCKING TECHNIQUE THAT WAS MADE TO KILL KISHINS COULDN’T BEAT HIM, HOW WAS A PUNCH GOING TO DO THAT?!

NO I’M REALLY ASKING HERE. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!

Ugh did Bones just not know how to conceive a better idea on how to defeat someone as insanely powerful as Asura? Because that’s the impression I got. And they were right, how could some 1 Star meisters defeat a demon god?

Well it’s simple...they can’t

No I’m serious, they legit couldn’t have defeated Asura as they were in the anime. In the manga they were 2 Star leveled (with Kid becoming a mature Shinigami) and all of them were hyped up on some form of madness. And Asura was still giving them a rough time (the aforementioned breaking of B*S’s bones from a previous post). That’s how much of a big ass deal Asura is in the manga and Asura in the anime is a fucking wuss compared to him!

Other than...that...do you know what really burned me up about these last 3 episodes?

How everyone was pretty much relying on Maka and Maka alone to defeat the Kishin

Never mind about Black Star who is basically the strongest human on the planet or Kid who is a fucking Grim Reaper, we just care about Maka

Don’t get me wrong, I love Maka. She’s easily my favorite character and she’s a Grade A Badass.

...But she’s not supposed to work alone.

I don’t mean that in a malicious way though. I mean this as a reflection of the story of Soul Eater and its characters.

Who is the main character? A newcomer might think Soul given the series’ name, but the more you watch the more you find out Maka is more prominent.

And they’re right...both perspectives.

Maka and Soul are both the main characters. They’re partners, they’re supposed to share the limelight.

But it’s not just them.

Black Star and Death the Kid are just as much main characters as Maka and Soul are.

Soul Eater doesn’t begin with a chapter 1, it begins with a 3 part prologue

Maka, Black Star, and Kid are supposed to all 3 share the spotlight

Yes, Maka is important and is most consistent with being our main heroine of the story, but it’s not just her story; she shares it with B*S and Kid.

They started the story together and they ended it together

As they did...in the manga

Here in the anime it’s like, “Oh let’s push these two guys aside to give Maka all the attention. It’s really her who should defeat Asura.”

And I’d be all well and good with this...if they had also included Soul

Like I mentioned before, Soul and Maka are partners. They complement each other and balance each other out. They’re quite literally soulmates gosh dangit!

There’s also the fact that neither of them do well when they’re separated. And yes, this include Maka. It’s a major plot point in the manga. Maka is too reckless without Soul’s level head, and she often needs him to lead her in battle despite being the meister. With Soul, he’s not very good at solo combat. He has to have someone wield him and often has issues with hesitation. Maka gives him the courage to fight and trusts her the most to wield him in battle.

Having Maka defeat the Kishin alone just feels like a slap in the face to me because this isn’t just about Maka. It’s about her and Soul and Black Star and Kid and their respective weapons and their relationships with one another.

And that’s why I need a better anime adaptation so badly because you can’t grasp these characters and their relationship with each other with just the barely halfway point of the story. You need all of it. Anime Soul Eater is too rushed and clumsy and weak to capture the magic and downright batshit insane story that Ohkubo told us.

Also, Maka’s mom doesn’t do shit and no one cares about her so that’s also a plus. I refuse to believe her letter means so much to Maka that it’d give her the literal power of GOD to kill off a fucking kishin like Asura

What bullshit

I must ask again WHERE IS MY SOUL EATER BROTHERHOOD AT BONES?!

[celticheartedfangirl]

My OUAT Rewatch -- S5E11 -- Swan Song

Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive

Me getting through this episode . . . . . . . 

So . . . . this is gonna be LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.  I have time, I have opinions, and I’m not holding back.  Under the cut for length and just a heads up there WILL BE BELLE CRITICISM UNDER HERE.  When I get to that point I will strike out all of the Belle critical stuff like this.  It doesn’t mean I don’t MEAN IT -- I just want to give those who can’t handle Belle being dragged the opportunity to easily bypass that section.  

Are we ready?

Me AFTER I watched this episode, BTW . . . . . . 

So, honestly, as has been the case since this arc crap started, this is a rushed, sloppy, choppy, hacked up episode with a bunch of shit going on, it’s clearly a hot mess of shit, there are OBVIOUS deleted scenes we never saw and never WILL see, and I can totally understand why so many just flat out noped the fuck out of this show at this point.  Because it really is NOT enjoyable and frankly, even knowing what comes, it still makes me stabby.  

But I have to find a way of plodding through this here, so let’s do a point by point order of things, in no particular order:

1.  So Hook murdered his dad and left his little brother an orphan.  Whatta guy!  Honestly, here’s the thing -- all the anti-Rumple folk bitch about how many people he killed, and really I don’t think his body count is higher than Hook’s.  Rumple kills when he’s pissed off, and almost always in a heat of the moment thing (see: Milah, the dudes that used to bully him as a spinner, Tamara).  He doesn’t just go off killing to kill for thrills and funsies and murder trinkets.  Hook has admitted ON SCREEN to killing dozens -- and this was as a mortal with no dark curse whispering in his ear 24/7.  What’s HIS excuse?  

2.  OMG, Emma really just got completely destroyed at this point, didn’t she.  I found a VERY GOOD meta on the destruction of Emma Swan and why CS is such utter bullshit so I thought I’d share it here:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134225913047/lana-ny-swanmills-cs-is-literally-so-terrible

3.  Slight fun side note -- DON’S Mess with OQ, yo!  

From the OFFICIAL Once Upon a Time Twitter!  Happy Endgins!  

Okay where was I . . . . this is what happens when I scroll through late 2015 me . . . ahem . . . 

4.  This would have been the perfect way to keep Zee the fuck off the show forever.  Just saying . . . . . . 

5.  Side note 2: some fun times with December 2015 me live blogging this shitfest . . . . . 

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134695062042/any-wagers-on-them-cutting-that-scene-of-belle

Yup . . . they cut it . . . shocking, right?

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134695563322/so-hold-up

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134694787487/that-was-literally-the-worst-writing-ive-seen

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134704968232/rumple-moving-the-darkness-didnt-even-make-sense

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135222506932/friendly-reminder-that-killian-was-a-dead-man

6.  Post-episode Adam Horowitz being an absolute DICK to fans on Twitter -- just follow our vision, FUCK your vision, you hack! (Bonus points for a hijacking of this post by some asshole CS fan):

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134802058737/rumplegasm-mybittersweetblasphemy

7.  The AMY MANSON saga:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134756133022/amy-manson-deleted-her-retweets-of-ouat-negativity

There are also BTS somewhere of Merida marching Arthur out of Storybrooke that were filmed for this episode.  Remember . . . at the end of The Bear King, Merida promised she was coming for Arthur.  Did that ever happen?  Of course not.  HACKS.  Also Amy did PRESS for this episode and so it’s clear they never even TOLD HER that her scenes for this episode were CUT.  So there’s also that.  HACKS. 

8.  Check out the Lily Sparks review of this episode because it is EVERYTHING:

http://www.tv.com/news/once-upon-a-time-swan-song-review-headed-to-hell-in-a-handbasket-144942941967/

I want to point out specifically, on page 3, what she says about Rumple taking back the Dark One powers:

And then Emma heard all the Parseltongue and followed the sounds to the pawnshop and Rumple was like, "LOL okay you got me, I totally performed a quick spell that somehow cleaved apart the Excalibur and became the Dark One because eff everybody invested in my character. I essentially have a multiple-personality disorder and no one on the writing staff gave me the memo about not trying to convey a genuine struggle while I was playing Rumple these last three years." I'm sorry but this twist was so lazy it infuriated me. I can't believe that shit made it out of a first draft, let alone through studio and network notes.

Which, sadly . . . . . . brings me to Belle and Rumbelle.

9. Belle’s theme song:

Yeah, it’s not gonna get better from here . . . . 

So damn . . . . Belle really was kind of a bitch in this episode, huh?  I mean . . . . at the TIME I was happy for the hugs and kisses and sex but watching it again just . . . DAMN . . . . . 

Also, “For the first time ever you were selfless” GTFO of here!!!!!

For the first time EVER????  GTFO, what kind of shit writing is this???  How did Emilie even deliver that garbage fire of a line with a straight face, and how did Bobby even react to it without a lot of cursing?  Or maybe he did.  We do know that they wanted Rumbelle to bang on the bed in the shop and Bobby put his foot down on that one and they literally created a bedroom set for that 30 second scene because Bobby wasn’t gonna have them film the post-coital scene in the shop.  

So yay for Bobby?  

10.  I wrote this post regarding this episode IN DEFENSE OF RUMPLE -- still stand by every word (there is Belle dragging and I mean DRAGGING in this post -- you’ve been warned):

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/177022910487/in-defense-of-rumpelstiltskin-in-s5e11

11.  In closing -- A SUMMARY:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135191267572/summary-of-ouat-finale

Here have some fan art:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135246399887/retrogrlfan-there-is-no-reason-for-this

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135223382862/retrogrlfan-more-pink-rumple

Points tally:

40 points to start

20 points for 2 Rumbelle hugs

20 points for 2 Rumbelle kisses

5 points for Swan Queen

20 points deducted for BOTH OOC Belle and Rumple nonsense

10 points deducted for Hook & Zelena

Full 25 deducted and I want to give bonus for the Rumbelle sex but . . . . this episode just doesn’t deserve it.  

Total points: 30

Moving on .  . . are we ready?

Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

What usually helps me with motivation is asking myself "what is making me excited about this chapter." So I'm turning that to you. What is making you excited about the chapter to Wayward Daughter you're working on? -Riley

Thank you so much for this!!!  I have a lot of things that I’m really excited for so I broke it down to a top 10 haha!

1. Kevin and Amy friendship

Kevin and Amy have been friends since the very first chapter, and Amy has always had a soft spot for Kevin for being “Joaquin’s boy”, but a lot of their friendship has been superficial up until now, mostly because of Amy’s reluctance to ever risk being perceived as vulnerable.  In this chapter though, Kevin is the first person to really notice how not okay Amy is and is the one who goes out of his way to help.  It took a long detour from my chapter outline but I think it really developed their friendship, and I finally got to explore some elements that have been building behind the scenes for Amy but that no one has addressed until now!  It also introduces their ship tag, which is “he asked if I was okay”, which comes from the scene I’m currently writing – Amy is bitching a bit about Jughead and Toni and “their northsiders” and when she’s asked why her being friends with Kevin is different she explains that a) she’s not dating him, b) he hasn’t historically treated them like shit, and c) when she was completely falling apart, it wasn’t her partners or even her brother who noticed, but Kevin

2. After several chapters of people letting Amy brush off major trauma, they’re finally acknowledging it!  

This actually ties in the most with her scene with Kevin – Amy says some stuff while having a panic attack and Kevin has a moment of confusion before realizing that “oh hey, she’s actually mentioned this stuff before but she says it so casually that I assumed it wasn’t a big deal but clearly it is”.  The problem with Amy is that she keeps the important stuff to herself and when she’s forced to acknowledge it she’s always extremely dismissive of it, so everyone else assumes that she’s not bothered (hell, she mentions that she was raped and then just goes back to watching Glee, and everyone is like “well I guess she’s moved on let’s not upset her by talking about it”), but really she’s just internalizing it and not coping at all, but since no one ever really pushes her to talk, it also leads her to feeling like it’s not important – but finally we’re starting to lay out the groundwork for when Amy is finally forced to start talking about things and has to acknowledge that she’s not nearly as okay as she pretends to be 

3. After 75k of just not really talking about it, we finally get some actual definition on the Serpents’ relationship!

From the beginning, the narration has always used the term “partner” and the phrase “ride or die” to describe the relationship between the teen serpents, but they’ve never really talked much about what they are!  In this chapter we finally get a bit of that, which starts with Amy finding out that everyone at Riverdale High thinks that she and Sweet Pea are dating.  After that, Amy finally explains (one again in that scene with Kevin, that could really be a chapter in and of itself with how much goes on in it lmao) what exactly their relationship is, what Jughead’s involvement is, and even what Joaquin’s involvement was before he left town (finally going back to chapters 1 & 3 where Amy mentions having had some sort of relationship with him but never explaining what that relationship was).  I’ve wanted to start to explain this for a while, and while I’ve talked about it a bit here on tumblr and in depth with some friends, it’s never really fit into the story

4. Honestly just the actual writing!

It’s been a while since I’ve worked on Wayward and the last couple of chapters felt (to me) very rushed and definitely not my best writing.  The episodes that they followed weren’t ones with a whole lot going on for Amy (I’ve plotted out all of season 2 and basically every scene I could think of adding would have thrown off bigger arcs) so they were just... short and rushed and felt very forced.  This chapter on the other hand has gotten way too long just because there’s so much going on, but it’s given me an opportunity to really delve into things again and I think that the actual writing (technically and in terms of content) is a lot better than what I’ve gotten to do in a while and I’m really excited to share that!  Also, clearly, there are a lot of scenes that I’m really proud of and really excited to share with readers (hopefully they like it as much as I do!) 

5. Just, angst

So I’ve definitely never been nice to Amy, but the angst in this chapter makes me really happy (and very sad).  It’s not all big showy angst, or even as extreme as other parts of the story, but it feels extremely poignant.  There definitely are some bigger pieces of angst in this chapter (Amy falls asleep in tears multiple times, for example), but I think that my absolute favourite angsty pieces are actually two of the most subtle ones.  What I love about them being subtle (aside from just how much I love the scenes) is that Amy is a character who we see repeatedly go headfirst into danger and go through very painful situations, but she always gets through them and maintains her illusion of being completely okay all the time (even though she is so not okay someone please get her a therapist) because she can absolutely handle physical pain and she’s gotten used to psychological trauma, but the one thing that Amy cannot handle which is prominent in both of my favourite scenes is being rejected/feeling unwanted, and while she hasn’t had a lot of that yet, we finally get to see something actually break through her walls 

6. We finally start to actually acknowledge Amy’s unhealthy coping mechanisms

This sort of goes with #2 and #6.  Ever since chapter one, we’ve seen Amy having extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms (namely alcohol and sex and trying to ignore her problems) and in this chapter we see that she actually can’t ignore her problems forever, and we finally see people actually looking at Amy and going “hey this is definitely not a good way to deal with shit” instead of the usual “oh yeah that’s just Amy being Amy”, and it’s very satisfying!  Archie has called her out on it once before, but he’s the only one – her partners are so used to it that most of the time they don’t even realize what she’s doing because to them it’s just part of her personality and Jughead has generally hesitated to comment on it because he worries about pushing her away.  As a writer it’s been a bit frustrating to see how much no one seems to realize how self destructive Amy is, so it’s very satisfying to finally get to address it! 

7. Amy & Fangs relationship

So much of the story so far has been very focused on Amy & Sweet Pea, Amy & Jughead, and the poly squad, with a moderate amount of Amy & Toni, but Amy & Fangs hasn’t gotten a lot of exploration so far.  Amy and Toni also explored a lot in this chapter but it’s very much for the worse as Toni begins to prioritize Cheryl over the other Serpents.  Amy and Fangs, on the other hand, have much more positive development and we really get to see them being best friends in one-on-one situations, as well as Fangs being the one who can actually handle Amy’s extreme emotions.  I’ve always had it in my head that they’re sort of two sides of the same traumatized coin, and that Fangs understands Amy better than the others (in part due to his own trauma and in part because Amy, Toni, and Sweet Pea are all just very strong and very stubborn personalities and it tends to be a bit of a 50/50 on whether they’ll actually help each other or just set each other off) and I’m really glad that I finally get to start putting that into the story

8. Amy & Fred!!

I stan one father-daughter duo and that is it.  Granted, Amy has only called Fred her dad as a political move (usually against Hiram) and once in the immediate aftermath of being arrested and severely injured, and is just emotionally not prepared to call him “dad”, but Fred is absolutely his father and absolutely adores his chaotic mess of a daughter!  They’ve had some good scenes throughout the fic but Amy is reluctant to spend too much time around Fred because she’s terrified that one day he’s going to reach his limit and decide that he doesn’t want her anymore, so I haven’t gotten to write them nearly as often as I’d like.  But finally we get to see them interact again, and Amy finally gets the love and support that she deserves and we get a bit of backstory on Amy’s childhood post adoption!  

9. Malachai is finally back

Look, I know that I say this about every dynamic, but Amy & Malachai is very genuinely my favourite dynamic in the entire Wayward universe!  I’m super proud of my personal Malachai in general (as @lorettastwilight and I like to put it, Wayward daughter has “Mal” and Riverdale has “Malachai”) but his relationship with Amy is my absolute favourite thing.  It’s really hard to work him into the story sometimes, in part because talking to Malachai would solve all of Amy’s problems in like 20 seconds, but now there’s finally a chance to do it!  I haven’t actually written it yet, it comes right after the scene I’m currently working on, but Amy is a lot more open with Malachai than she is with anyone else, and I love it!  It’s also a lot of fun to write because it combines vulnerable!Amy, who looks at Mal and sees safety and sees the man who had a completely blackout drunk teenager proposition him and not only turned her down but protected her from anyone who might have tried to take advantage of her, with Serpent Queen!Amy who is political and cutthroat and sees Malachai as as the Ghoulie King and as possibly the only person in town as calculating as she is, and it creates a dichotomy that I really love to explore!  And even though only one other person actually knows their backstory, I’m extremely proud of it and it’s really fun to explore how to build that into their dynamic without ever actually acknowledging it 

10. FIFI THE GIRAFFE

No offence to literally any other character, but Fifi The Giraffe is the absolute best part of the entire Wayward Universe, and I finally get to introduce her to the story!  Not only does introducing Fifi make me happy because Fifi is just like, the best, but it also gives me a chance to really focus on the fact that Amy is fifteen and still a child even though she never shows it around other people, and to get to explore a bit more of nine year old Amy immediately post adoption, and her relationship with Fred and Archie!  Both of those are things that I’ve wanted to explore for a long time but that have never really worked with individual chapter arcs or with the pacing of the larger season arc, so now that I can finally write that, I’m really excited to share it with everyone!

I know this turned into a really long essay and I’m so sorry about that, but thank you again so much for sending me this ask!!! (and you’re totally right, this got me super hyped to get back into the chapter!!)

PS: please enjoy this gif of Amy, Archie, and Fifi!