#s3lf h@te

[xxpurehatredxx]

im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross im so gross

im so motherfucking disgusting

[skunksdeath]

i need to cut up my whole body why am i like this its so fucking annoying

[rottenfuneral]

i cant wait to make this look even prettier after work im gonna pull so many girls with these cuts

[r4bb1df4gg0t]

☠︎︎ 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓽 ☠︎︎

[st44rvw]

“Why are you so sad?”

Because I’m ugly and deserve to st⭐️ve and bleed.

[sallyface-killer]

“Damn why doesn’t anyone wanna talk to me or be my friend”

(is weird, awkward, pessimistic, obsessed with death and occult/satanism, hangs out w demons, paranoid, has psychosis, misanthropic, is lowkey kind of gross, ruins friendships bc of psychosis )

[daeromix]

“Unraveling” by daeromix

The thing about survival is that it doesn’t always look like hope.

Sometimes, it looks like control. Quiet and sharp. Like numbers in your head. Like meals carefully rationed, disguised as busyness. Like silence disguised as strength.

It starts innocently enough.

You tell yourself you’re just being disciplined. Just being smart. But somewhere along the way, it becomes a rulebook you can’t put down.

Eat less. Speak less. Feel less.

Make yourself easier to carry, especially by others. Don’t ask for help unless it’s too late.

I follow them like gospel.

I break them like clockwork.

And when I fail.

And I fail

There is a ritual waiting for me.

It doesn’t ask questions. It doesn’t argue. It simply offers me control in the form of a small, sharp relief. Because pain I choose feels better than guilt I can’t explain.

I used to wear them on my sleeves.

A place that felt honest, visible in the way pain sometimes wants to be. But when pain gets too loud, people tend to notice.

So it traveled.

To the soft parts of my thighs, hidden away beneath layers of fabric and function. No one asks about what they don’t see. And I don’t have to lie.

What once felt like punishment starts to feel like structure. Like order. Like a ritual your body has memorized better than breathing.

And then it starts to feel like a reward.

There’s a part of me that likes the way it folds in secret. I keep the damage neat.

Private.

Manageable.

Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

Because if I can control this; my body, my routine, the sharpness of my sadness, then maybe I don’t need to rely on anyone.

Maybe I don’t need to fall apart.

But the truth is:

I want to.

I want to unravel without having to explain it. To let the grief out without cleaning up after. To scream into something that doesn’t echo back silence.

But I don’t.

Because even my breakdowns are scheduled. Even my sadness knows not to make a mess.

I just don’t know why being here feels so heavy. Why existing feels like something I need to earn. Some days I wonder what I did to deserve being alive, like I came into the world already owing something. Like every small need is another debt I’ll never repay.

And lately, there are days when I think if there really is no other way to make the guilt stop, if it never lets up then maybe that’s the only way out.

Not because I want to die, but because I don’t know how else to stop feeling like I shouldn’t be here.

The thought lives there, quietly. Not screaming. Just sitting in the corner of the room, arms crossed, waiting for me to run out of options.

Lately, I’ve caught myself flirting with other escapes. The kind where you forget to eat. The kind where you scroll until your brain stops buzzing. The kind where you think, one drink wouldn’t hurt, just something to take the edge off.

It’s not a cry for help.

It’s just a wish.

To not have to be in charge of everything all the time. To not be the one who holds it together. To not be so good at surviving that no one thinks to ask if I want to.

That’s what scares me most. Not the pain. Not the rituals. But how much I rely on them.

How much of me is made from this constant grip. And how deeply I want to let go.

To collapse.

To be known in the unraveling,

and still be allowed to stay.

[rottenfuneral]

i love babycuts theyre so cuteee

[st44rvw]

Currently otw home:3!! My new scale and new r4zors and box cutters were delivered to my home the other day and I’m so excited to use them!!

[sallyface-killer]

And then I wonder why I have no friends and struggle to get along with others meanwhile I’m thinking about how we are so misanthropic and paranoid about others that it makes me wanna 💀 rhem…..…,

It’s either that or I am so clingy that I get depressed when someone isn’t there to talk to me and it actually triggers something in me

And people don’t even have a clue that’s why my main acc username is the way it is lol like fml

[daeromix]

The Guilt of Being Here

- Dani Roque

Sometimes I think the worst thing I ever did was exist.

Not because I want to die. Not because I am planning to leave.

But because I can’t shake the feeling that everyone I love would have been better off if I had never been here at all.

If I hadn’t been born, maybe my mother would have been free.

Maybe she’d be taking morning walks,

sipping quiet coffee in a sunlit kitchen,

instead of cleaning up the wreckage of my father’s moods and pretending that everything hurts less than it does.

Maybe my father wouldn’t have turned so bitter. Maybe he’d smile more, talk softer, find peace in silence instead of resenting it.

Maybe my boyfriend would sleep through the night without wondering if I’m okay. Maybe he’d laugh deeper, text lighter, love someone who doesn’t break at the seams.

Maybe my counselor would have one less name in her notebook. One less story to carry. One less person to remind that staying alive is still worth it.

Maybe my friends wouldn’t have to deal with my moods, my mess, my endless feelings that don’t know where to go.

It’s not that I want to disappear.

It’s not that I want to leave.

It’s just that sometimes, the guilt of existing sits so heavy in me that breathing feels like stealing something I didn’t earn.

I know how it sounds. I know I am loved. I know that my existence has given people memories they would never trade. I know that sometimes I make them smile in ways that nothing else can.

And still.

The guilt stays.

It hums underneath everything. A quiet voice that says, “They would have lived lighter lives without you.”

I don’t always think about dying, but I think about not being here. The thought creeps in without warning, soft as a sigh.

It’s what my therapist calls passive suicidal ideation — that strange grief for a life where I was never born, where nobody had to carry the weight of worrying about me.

Most days, I don’t want to die. I just want the world to forget I was ever here. Not to punish anyone. Not to hurt anyone.

Just to make it easier for them. To make it easier for me.

There are ways I have tried to carry that heaviness quietly, ways I have tried to stay in control when my own mind felt too loud.

There were nights when the hurt inside me needed somewhere to go. Nights when I carved grief into my own body,

carried it in my thighs,

my arms,

my wrists.

Places that still remember what my heart tried to forget.

Sometimes it was about control. Sometimes it was about punishment. About making the guilt visible. About hurting myself first, before anyone else could. About answering every unkind thought with proof written in red.

It was never about wanting to leave. It was about trying to stay. Trying to stay in a body that didn’t always feel like it belonged to me.

Pain was simple. Pain made sense when nothing else did.

And after the hurt, the guilt would come, heavy and sharp. Guilt for the damage I caused myself. Guilt for the sadness in the eyes of the people who noticed. Guilt for asking them to stay when I couldn’t even stay steady within myself.

And that guilt doesn’t stop with what I’ve done to myself. There are things I’ve done to other people that I still carry like splinters. Words I wish I could take back. Silences I let stretch too long. People I pushed away just to see if they would come back.

There is guilt for the harm I caused. And guilt for needing others to keep loving me anyway.

It is a strange kind of pain, being loved more than you believe you deserve. And a stranger kind of ache, to keep asking people to stay when all you can think about is how tired they must be.

They say they choose to stay.

That I am not a burden.

That I am not too much.

That I am worth the weight.

And some days, I almost believe them.

Some days I feel it in the way they laugh at my jokes, in the way they show up, in the way they sit beside me in silence and call it love.

Other days, I can’t believe anything at all.

Other days, I drown in the weight of the times I have failed to be the easy daughter,

the steady friend,

the strong girlfriend.

I feel the guilt stick to my skin like a second heartbeat, louder than anything else.

But I am trying.

God, I am trying.

I am trying to be softer with myself,

even when my mind spits venom.

I am trying to believe that staying is not selfish, that needing people is not the same as ruining them.

I am trying to carry the guilt without letting it swallow me whole.

I am trying to live not because I owe it to anyone else but because somewhere deep inside, in a place I don’t visit often,

there is a small, stubborn part of me that still wants to see what happens if I stay.

Maybe I will never fully unlearn the guilt.

Maybe I will always feel a little sorry for being here.

But I’m here anyway.

Still breathing.

Still trying.

Still choosing to stay.

And for now,

maybe that is enough.

[r4bb1df4gg0t]

⚰︎ 𝓜𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓻𝓪𝔀 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓘 𝓮𝔁𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓮𝓮 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 ⚰︎

[ichbins3rgey]

i h@73 it here so fffv¢k1n much

[rottenfuneral]

sixteen

male

i love black metal and kellersynth music

i need a world like skins uk

i play bass

need mutuals to talk with

[st44rvw]

I’m gonna be away all weekend so no cvtting :(! I’m so upset but it’s okay because I did it last night and they were all styr0s and I was legit so happy! It’s become more of an addiction, doing it when I’m bored more than when I’m upset. Being away means st4rving!! So I’m happy about that part^^ ahh I just don’t talk to anyone going with me so I’m a bit nervous about the rooming and grouping situations.