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#sad to be missing their graduations but also even before this it was rlly time to go home.
alittleemo · 5 months
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please god how hard is it to not say snarky things as soon as I’m in the apartment. i am going to walk 500 million miles back to my home if that gets me out of here sooner
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withloveajaxx · 2 years
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for the ask game!! cinnamon, mauve, blush, fuchsia, lavender, umber, razzmatazz, safron YES <3
IVE MISSED U TOO ☹️💗 & TELL YOU EVERYTHING?? OMG OKOK (it’s mainly me being sad tho bc life is unfair)
I’ve been doing alright, the two times I moved blogs tho,, it had to do w personal problems & some people had the audacity to send in asks that they rlly shouldn’t have bc it made me so damn uncomfortable and it was not helping w my current state so I left :,) THE SECOND TIME I LEFT WAS ALSO BC OF MY PROBLEMS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE and everything was going downhill and I needed a break + people were still making me uncomfortable w their asks (turned them off before I left again) I had accidentally deleted my only moots blog which I had to replace but using the same url (@yonayie pls my layla theme was so cool I miss it) I then deleted my other blog and moved here!! away from the trolls!! and weirdos who can’t comprehend the fact that I’m a minor!!
I spent my Christmas and new years on the verge of tears, it was not fun 😭 my house started flooding on Christmas and it scared the shit out of me!!! & on new years?? i cried bc 2022 was an ass and sm happened it was terrible & we didn’t set off fireworks like we used to so that sucked :,)
school has been a PAIN. I’m a complete loner so that makes everything harder 😭 & my math teacher? literally how did he get hired he cannot teach to save his life he’s so unfair too it’s CRAZY HNGJSJWIJE the only way I get a passing grade is if I self-study and do rlly well on the end of course test in april (which is getting dangerously close im not ready) I dislike my drama teacher 👨‍🏫 I’m okay with my environmental sci teacher + history teacher theyre chill 🤞the workload is manageable so I think I’ll be able to get all of my credits most def!!
oh oh my birthday is on the 27th!! yes this friday pls im not sure if I’ll be able to do anything for it but if not it’s okay <3 (it’d be the 3rd year not celebrating it which is why I’m so chill abt it that’s so sad 😭)
wow omg that’s sm word vomit pls!! why has my life been so depressing I cannot!! i just hope this year doesn’t treat me as badly!! PRAYS 🙏
okay now ur turn TELL ME EVERYTHINGGG <33 (everything that u can ofc 💓)
STOP WAIT,,, I INSPIRE YOU??? HELP WHY DOES THAT MAKE MY DAY WTF YONA PLEASE ILYSM 💗💗
also omg that's a lot that happened in your absence,,, FIRST OF ALL, i will willingly beat up life and people for you i swear,,, those weirdos better watch out for these hands >:((. secondly, i'm sorry that school, christmas, and new year were a pain in the butt :((. i hope everything gets better for you!! and ofc if you need anyone to talk to, i'll do my best to reply mwah 🫶
AND OMG okay what's been happening in my life,,, i'll put this under a cut so ppl don't need to scroll for too long HAHDJXJSJD
OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL... COLLEGE APPLICATIONS. good god those humbled me HAHDJKDKSD LYK I AM ACTUALLY STUPID 💀 the one i recently took was so fucking hard it was not even funny,,, like they put shit i've never learned, heard of, or saw and it was HORRIBLE. i was literally guessing everything math related please pray for my future </33 HAHDJDJKD.
ALSO!! I GOT INTO KPOP MORE AGAIN HEHEHEHE. i recently went to a concert of one of my favorite groups and holy shit. i cried. like so many times. HAHDJCKDF IT WAS CRAZY GETTING TO SEE THEM IRL AND I JUST AAAAAAAAJSKCIISJD 😭😭 i'm also seeing another group next week,,, MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE ONE. and i shit you not i am not mentally or emotionally prepared to see those men up close and on stage HSJFKDKDD
also yea school was a bitch 💀 tons of freeloaders and horrible teachers but yk what,,, i got my report today and i passed so it's okay HAHSJFKKDD. also i'm graduating soon and that's kinda scary n idk how to cope but yes 😭 i'm just hoping for the best and giving it my all HSHDJKKFF
BUT THAT'S BEEN ABOUT IT FOR ME,,, HOPING 2023 IS GOOD TO US <33
also nah i'm making sure your birthday will be somewhat special <33 gonna hold a tumblr party n give u a lil something I SWEAR 💗
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kuroos-moon · 4 years
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E-girl S/o 
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☾ pairings: ushijima x reader, oikawa x reader, kuroo x reader 
☾ request: headcanons for Ushijima, Oikawa and Kuroo reacting to or being interested in/dating a girl that is kinda goth/e-girl/edgy? Like they wear a lot of black, like scary movies and video games, have a very sarcastic personality?
☾ warning/s: none
☾ a/note: not rlly sure if i did e-girls justice on this one im sorry 
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Ushijima Wakatoshi 
• Doesn’t get the “oh, I didn’t expect girls like y/n are your type” 
• Like?? Uhm, wdym it’s self-explanatory you’re just so eye-catching 
• Yes, you caught the Ushiwaka’s eye 
• You’re not dating or anything, let alone have started a conversation 
• But there’s an impressive number of people who know he likes you a lot
• Wakatoshi’s blunt and genuinely honest for most times if not all of his life 
• “You like anyone?” “Yes.” “Really? Is it that cute girl from your cl-
• “Y/n L/n.”  
• Knows how much you love black bc it’s not rlly hard to miss, you wear it on you every chance you get
• And now you’ve cursed him with remembering you every time he sees the color 
• You heard of the rumors that one of the nation’s top three aces likes you and you don’t believe them ofc 
• Not that you don’t know you’re pretty, you love your reflection but you just reckon you’re not his type yk? 
• He’s more of an admire and fall for you more from afar type of dude
• Totally stops and stare when you walk in the gym wearing a short black skirt and a black top, with boots and chains and all 
• Doesn’t know a thing about fashion but damn, you’re so hot?? 
• Cannot hear even his own coach
• Hopes you’re not going on a date 
• “Geez, y/n, is it someone’s funeral?” “Ah, Satori-chan, why are you even out of your cascket?” 
• Kinda thinks you’re mean bc you’re sarcastic and his humor rlly isn’t up to your level lmao sorry but he wants to know what’s it like to actually talk to you 
• So he does, once he bumps into you on his way out of the gym and you just awkwardly stare at each other 
• “I like your style. Your outfit.” He says, and he is not even shy on the outside at least
• “uh thanks?” you just kinda smile at him bc ydk what youre supposed to do this is wakafreakingtoshi we’re talkin bout 
• “you like black a lot.” “yeah, I do, what of it?” 
• “you really look good in it. You own the color,” he says that like it’s no big deal before he walks away 
• You totally crush on him after that encounter 
• Basically, he doesn’t have a type. he cannot distinguish cute girls, e-girls, or any ‘type’ of girls
• What he could so naturally distinguish though, is you—his lovely darling in black—and the rest of the female population he couldn’t care less for 
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Oikawa Tōru 
• You’re his most treasured babygirl and no he doesn’t take any criticism 
• Your taste in fashion? 💯/💯
• Is maybe a tad bit too in love with your pretty boy and e-girl dynamic in pics bc his Instagram is flooded with them 
• Hypes you up in your socials, in his, and in real life 
• Goes for captions like: “choke me like you hate me, y/n-chan” and “step on me and I’ll apologize instead” 
• He’s so cheesy but you love it :>
• Lets you pick out his clothes once in a while though you have different tastes and preferences 
• You return the favor too sometimes and it’s not even a compromise on either of your parts 
• You just have fun with your own things and you’re having fun in trying out things the other likes too yk? 
• One thing that shortens his lifespan is when you watch horror movies together 
• HOW ARE YOU NOT SCARED? Loves spending nights like this with you nonetheless though
• “y/n-chan is the ghost gone?” “yup, you could open your eyes now.” “thank g- hey!” 
• Is the rare male teenager who’s kinda knowledgeable in make-up products bc of u
• He knows what kind of eyeliner you use and if he sees something kinda cool when he’s out, he’ll buy it for you
• Or tell you about it: “y/n-chan do you know this eyeliner called ***? I don’t know if it was the lady’s sales talk but I think you’ll like it”—wholesome and thoughtful
• Flexes you a lot and will not tolerate all the “Tōru and y/n don’t really look good together” 
• “Right? She just doesn’t complement him right.”
• He’s childish and more so when agitated, not even Iwaizumi could hold him back
• “Oh yeah? THEN LOOK AT MY FABULOUS NAILS” flexes all ten of his fingers which you painted black just last night on your bedroom floor 
• You just flip your hair in their direction and drag Toru away bc you’re too unbothered <33 
• “y/n-chan back me up here, you have the bitchiest attitude towards me so let’s work together and unleash our sass on them so they shut up, okay?” 
• It’s really rare for him to be that way with his fans but he’s the numero uno y/n-stanner ofc he won’t take that crap 
• “your makeup and taste in clothes aren’t even half as good as y/n’s.” sticks his tongue out ✨maturely✨
• Hates when he has to play Karasuno bc you once mentioned you could imagine Tobio having the same aesthetic as you 
• You also might’ve jokingly told him that “Toru I should’ve gotten a boyfriend from Karasuno, it’d be cool to tie their jacket around my waist and cheer for him at the same time.” 
• Was so mad at you about it and refused to talk to you for days because he’s just so not childish at all 
• “Ugh, why don’t they just change their team color to pure orange. Chibi-chan domination.” 
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Kuroo Tetsuro
• Already took an interest in you from what he observes is an interestingly snarky character 
• Has been seeing you in only your uniform at first though but then he finds himself thinking a bit too much about you one night
• Stalks your Instagram <33 
• Jaw drops, heart beats a tad bit faster, his yearning grows 
• You’re so pretty. So good in black. Your poses? The whole vibe of your feed? He doesn’t know what to do with his admiration you’re just so freaking meant for him
• He gets it’s not the usual style for most girls in school, and tbh he didn’t know he’d like it so much, he just does now
• Knows there was no saving him once he starts imagining scenarios about you before he goes to bed
• This dork starts to know more things about you—it’s really cool that you play the same games as him 
• Is up to date on your posts, your ig story, and your tweets but why in the world are you still not in bed at 3 in the morning? 
• You just love gaming, huh? Should he start a conversation with you about it? He played that often too with Kenma
• He just can’t seem to though bc he’s nervous and lowkey intimidated 
• Once witnessed you jokingly exchange snarky comments with your friends and you even flipped them off 
• It’s settled then, he’ll graduate without talking to you sad kuroo noises 
• You once posted a pic flexing your matte black nails on a weekend and when the weekday came, he was so excited to see them in person 
• But your nails are no longer painted, and he was so disappointed bc they looked rlly attractive to him 
• Voices out his thoughts mindlessly. “You removed your nail polish.” 
• Everyone—including you—is surprised. Your desks aren’t even next to each other but his body was facing you 
• Cringes internally once he realizes he had said it but is so surprised when you smile at him. 
• “It’s not allowed in school, it’s a shame, you think they were pretty too, right?” 
• He cannot function, he totally did not prepare for this—and to think he had so many nights imagining different scenarios about you. 
• He was rlly popular and you thought you acted too confident; you just curse yourself for it. “Oh, uh sorry I thought you saw my post.” 
• You look away, embarrassed. “Yeah,” he chuckles a bit. You cringe. 
• “Black really suits you, and your nails were pretty, wish I could’ve seen them today, that’s all.”
• And who would’ve thought your relationship would bloom since then 
• All because he’s so interested and mesmerized with everything about you <3 
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General Taglist [Open]: @noyasbitchh @dinablossom @haru-the-secret @strayczennies @lalisbitch @tinymidgetsstuff @animebs @astrealia @kittykitkatstrawberry @hajimesbbygrl @kellesvt @24hr7dysdizzy @arnxldss @elianetsantana @vicassa @floraraine @beanst0ck @leinnah @kageyamasgirl @deafeningart @minibobabottle   @franko-pop @moonlightaangel @throughtheinterstices @micasaessakusa @dixonsbugaboo @thevillagehiddenintheinternet @ultzuko
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heiterbroward · 3 years
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Next to Normal...crushed it! (zero percent!)
Have a lot to say! Rlly don't feel like writing this tbh, but the ep was Alice-centric so it was inevitable! Anyways, love how they changed so many of the Alice/Betty songs to generate pity for Alice. For example, I was actually hoping that Betty would sing "I've Been" since it would finally allow her to address her own feelings and frustrations. But nope, they cut all the lyrics that mention that ("And every day this act we act gets more and more absurd/And all my fears just sit inside me screaming to be heard/I know they won't though, not a single word") ("And I'm weary to the bone/cuz whenever she goes flying/I keep my feet right on the ground/Now I need a lift and there's no one around") and left all the parts talking only about how the situation affects the mom.
Plus Kevin singing "You can't give up now...she shouldn't be alone," like what is this show's obsession with acting like it's Betty's obligation to nurture her own mother? Is that not the mother's job? Not to mention how never, not once, have the roles been reversed in these types of situations.
Like the song "Maybe." I also was looking forward to Betty and Alice singing this bc it might give them a chance to finally hash things out and for Betty to stand up for herself. But they seriously had the nerve to switch the parts! "Maybe we can't be okay/But maybe we're tough and we'll try anyway." That line is supposed to be the mom trying to reassure the daughter, not vice versa. The mom was the one who had making up to do. When has Betty ever not been there for Alice? She spent her entire run on the show trying to keep Alice out of trouble and dealing w the consequences of her unhinged and selfish decisions.
Plus did I pull an Alice Smith and hallucinate or didn't Alice spend the first four seasons trying to make sure Betty got into a good college? And in the graduation ep, didn't Betty say she and Alice were going on a road trip before she starts college? So clearly Alice was okay w her leaving then. I can't w her! Big Blaine Anderson season 4 energy, and it's not cute.
I was also floored that "I Miss the Mountains went to Alice singing about a literal mountain instead of to Veronica. But I guess that would make too much sense considering it was actually applicable to Veronica's situation. Also it didn't even align w what Alice was feeling...it quite literally contradicted. That song is about missing the highs and lows and wanting the pain, but didn't Alice want the complete opposite? The whole point was that she COULDN'T handle the pain, so she numbed herself out w a fantasy. Such a braindead choice.
"I Am The One" was just sad. Like Betty is sitting there begging Alice to care about her bc she's always tried to be there for her, but Alice is too busy daydreaming about ghosts of Polly (who she mistreated and gave up on when she was alive) and Charles (who literally isn't even dead, like go visit him in jail). And it was made even worse by the fact that it was a child singing to their parent instead of just a husband singing to their wife. A child shouldn't be put in that position. If they had kept Alice in the parental or supportive perspective even once in any of these songs, it would've provided the tiniest sliver of redemption. But I guess the writers can't even do that right.
Whole ep was a circle w it starting and ending w Betty being there to support Alice. Like what development was made? That she stopped having hallucinations? Go her ig except when in the history of the show has she ever lived in reality anyway? She just had a momentary downgrade from chronic denial to straight up psychosis. Kool. Um, and where was Hal?!
About Varchie, I am so sick of them! Like omg when they're with other people they want each other, but every time they get together and it's the least bit stable, they get sick of each other somehow. And instead of working through the conflict, they just delay it by breaking up then getting back together at a later time without talking about the previous issue that very much still lingers in the air. And ya'll wonder why it keeps coming up, bc you won't think of a solution, boo boos! They don't know what they want.
But also, how is Barchie gonna get back together without it looking like Archie's rebound? If they wanted to go this route, they should've spent the season building it up instead of making Varchie a thing all season just to switch it up at the last min for shock value.
Same w Jabitha. Everyone expected them to be a thing at the start of season 5, so why make Bughead hang out for one ep then make him a simp for Tabby the next ep out of the blue? All you did was make Bugvarchies mad for no reason. Could've just continued Jabitha's build up from a friendship into something romantic. It was going well until this ep. Also, "Perfect for You" did not really fit them lyrically. It most fits Bughead, and I don't even care for them! And why didn't Barchie sing "A Light in the Dark?" Wasted trope much?
Oml and Toni/Fangs?! Literally wtf...like when did they start being attracted to each other? Could've been when Kangs was still together for all we know! *plays Rupaul shady noise* Hope this means Koose endgame can still occur! We can do it guys, let's go! Tabby's parents better not even be in it. Don't need Hiram vs Varchie pt 2. Get some new material, dumb.
P. S. The best scene by far was Cheryl throwing a drink on Penelope! And at least Hiram wasn't in it.
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mrskurono · 4 years
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can i just say between the pre-time skip and post-time skip/brazil hinata, i just rlly want more content on third year hinata :( or any of the pre-time skip first years as third years :(( just hinata teaching his juniors to receive, participating in strategic planning with kageyama :( i cannot even begin to describe the strange sadness i felt when the whole few years were compressed into like a few pages or so. u know it’s like when u lose touch with a friend and when u finally reconnect after a few years they’re a totally different person and it feels like u missed out on a lot and no amount of time u spend together after that can ever make up for that lost time :( i’m sorry this is so uncharacteristically sad of me but i just gotta get it off my chest. not that it will help make me less sad about but still
- 🪢 whenever i think of this, night changes by one direction always plays in my head 💀 literally makes it worse. i don’t know if i’ll ever get over it 😭😭
I get it on Furudate’s part....I hate it but I get it. I mean mangas have such a set life anyways with publishers so logically I understand Furudate going ahead and not diving in depth to the following two years of high school. To then in turn give us more of Hinata’s growth as a player AND the full timeskip of every single player (which I am still amazed at the work they had to put in to give every single side character growth we got to see no matter how important they were to our main characters) 
My wife and I were just talking about third yr babies. Like who was ace? How was captain Tadashi? Did Yachi really come into her own before or after graduation? When did that entire triad of Yachi/Tadashi/Tsuki get close like we see timeskip? Did underclassmen latch onto Kageyama since we see Scweiden Kageyama with a lot of younger fans adoring him (did his underclassmen like him? Did his rest bitch face no longer work?) When did Hinata start getting so masterful at receives? I just love them all so much that even a graduation picture like we got of the third years woulda been nice T^T I know not to be greedy but Furudate made everyone so lovable I just wanted to know more about them
On the flip side though the fucking timeskip was like a god send and the ending was so good like it was clearly done exactly how Furudate wanted to end it and it wasn’t rushed or chunky or anything. Sure I would have liked more of them but also, I would have liked more training late teens/early twenties Kageyama with Ushijima and Hoshiumi but beggars can’t be choosers v.v
I actually want more Schweiden content in general its so lacking ;;--;;
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sheismyteacher · 4 years
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hi loves,
im pretty sure ive alr done all old monthly challenges that used to be on here in 2017/2018 including my own lol but @baeby-tc made a new one and its once again 2am and im missing her so heres summ facts u might not know yet!!!
1. describe your tc’s physical appearance.
shes about my height so 5'7, she has a blonde pixie cut and bright blue eyes, n freckles!! and shes super skinny
2. what was the first thing you’ve ever said to your tc?
probably hi?? i honestly dont remember much from our first class
3. is your tc single or taken? or are you unsure? and are you single or taken?
single!! and im taken lol ive been dating my gf for a year n 11 months
4. is your tc more of the athletic type, the nerdy type or the artsy type?
nerdy looool
5. if you and your tc were in high school together, do you think you’d be friends?
honestly idk? we very well could have been because we were both kinda alt (me leaning towards goth, her leaning towards punk) but also both insanely private introverts lmfsjshhd so we might not even have approached each other
6. name one song that reminds you of your tc and explain why that song reminds you of them.
savannah by lp hehee we're both lp stans but she got me into her music and the first song we talked abt was savannah
7. is your tc fashionable or are they more of the simple type? what is one outfit you’d love to see them wear?
oh girl... 💀💀 i love her w my whole heart but if i see one more silver glimmery cardigan i might lose my mind. id love to see her in jeans and a crop top but shed Never so honestly i'll take anything that's not... horrible
8. would you be willing to become a teacher and teach your tc’s subject if it meant you two could be together?
haha funny cause... that's literally what im doing... going into my second year of uni... going to do my internship with her this year... ummmmmm.....
9. does your tc drink or smoke?
no!!!
10. name one item that is always on your tc’s desk.
her planner loool shes super organized
11. has your tc ever done anything that has either thrown you off, annoyed you, angered you or bothered you in any way? if so, what did they do?
yea i think I've only been pissed at her once?? i was really struggling with a situation and usually when i rant to her she fucks around and makes jokes n all and im fine with it i dont take myself that seriously but this time i was genuinely rly upset and she didnt rly notice i guess although i alr lowkey told her to stop n she kept making dumbass jokes so i was like "this is genuinely not funny like im being serious for once" and she did apologize which i appreciate but i genuinely think that's the only time ive been upset with her! and shes said things before that other people would see as shocking but has always apologised even when not necessary shes super respectful
12. does your tc have any past jobs that you know of, before becoming a teacher?
no actually!! she probably had a job in hs/uni??? but weve never talked abt that wow mayb i should ask her sometime
13. does your tc have kids or siblings? if so, how many?
both! she has one younger sister and two sons!
14. are you taking your tc’s class next year?
as i said ive graduated but im acc gonna b an english teacher as well now and imma do my 2nd yr internship w her!!!
15. has your tc ever met your parents? if you were there, what was the meeting like?
yes PLSJSJDJDJD at my school musical... and it was lowkey awkward cause i told her all abt how my father is lowkey terrifying so she was cautious as hell 😭😭
16. has your tc ever given you detention? if so, what was it like?
naw i never have her a reason to
17. has your tc ever failed you? if so, how did you react? if not, how would you react?
noo english has always been my best subject so she never had to.. but if she did i probably messed it up!! shes fair
18. what are your tc’s hobbies/interests? are they similar to yours?
help shes a dancer and i hate dancing w my entire heart so umm.. no
19. have you ever spoken on the phone with your tc? what did you talk about?
never actually!! we've texted so often but never called?? except if u count the time she (or her son?) called me on accident for about 6 seconds jdjdhd ion think she even knows that happened, i hung up and forgot to mention it again)
20. if you had your tc’s class during quarantine, what were your zoom calls like? if not, have you spoken to your tc since quarantine?
we've texted, but not as much as we used to and it's making me SAD but i feel like we just dont have a lot to say to each other
21. if you had the chance to go anywhere in the world with your tc, where would you go? what would you do?
she loves switzerland so let's go
22. does your tc have any nicknames for you?
she shortens my name sometimes heheh i loooove when people do that
23. have you ever cried in front of your tc? why? how did they react?
no, i don't cry that often, and ESPECIALLY not in public
24. have you ever walked/drove to/from school with your tc?
yeah we cycled together a few times! but usually were off on different times
25. do you know which teachers your tc is friends with at school? if so, do you like those teachers?
yea theres a couple she likes but shes not rlly *friends* with anyone, but we have the same opinions on most teachers
26. what does your tc’s voice sound like?
it's very soft, and not in volume but in vibes? and she has pretty sharp t's and her r's roll a little hehe
27. do you like your tc as a teacher? are they a good teacher?
oh yes 100%
28. does your tc prefer books, shows or movies?
im gonna go ahead and assume books, but she does have netflix as well
29. is your tc stern or easy going, in class?
pretty stern? i know a couple of people are lowkey scared of her but like shes not awful she just makes sure the class gets shit done
30. how would you describe you and your tc’s relationship?
like a friendship! i asked her abt it once (ages ago) and she said that she was tryna figure out how she felt abt me when it came to labels like 'friend' cause im also her ex student etc so she didn't rly wanna call me that yet?? but i think if we keep talking we'll get there. we trust each other immensely
31. do you address your tc by their first or last name?
firsttt since march 27th 2017 😌
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tsukidotcom · 4 years
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Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)
This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy
Hinata Shouyou
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huh? isn’t it just the flu?
“No, hinata. People have died from it-“
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-
goes bananas
whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.
eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort
lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks
but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed
then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.
thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN
will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.
sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)
still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)
He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—
but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.
looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube
Kageyama Tobio
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probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else
doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it
When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???
DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?
And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭
he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.
Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.
When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.
Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother
When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague
omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god
In reality she was just clearing her throat.
is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).
thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.
Asahi Azumane
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He just worries about everyones health
like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️
He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween
but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it
is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.
Takes online school seriously and tries his best
And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?
always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.
Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.
only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-
Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.
Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.
Nishinoya Yu
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OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA
420 blazin’
thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)
but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).
also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh
Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food
yay more gaming time!!!
Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?
Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!
doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!
until he’s forced to do online school.
Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.
“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“
tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?
Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!
He’s fun to facetime.
Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)
HE A TRUE GAMER
Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??
always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)
will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.
Sending memes all the time
Tsukishima Kei
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oh, what about corona again?
honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.
doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.
is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.
he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.
so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.
bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.
doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.
might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.
isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*
he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day
developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.
still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.
is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).
I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG
Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?
Tsukki: Shut up
if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week
every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots
besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other
maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care
Tanaka Ryuunosuke
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buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.
GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-
probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-
still gamin with noya of course
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT
also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.
texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.
“i love it when she ignores me !!!”
scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time
School Is For Losers!!
similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt
Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying
all of the sudden has a better view on school
gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call
makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨
probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:
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doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about
but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets
and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets
they’re two peas in a pod 🥰
until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?
yeah im SMART!!!
s -
m -
a -
r - penis
t -
Daichi Sawamura
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quite calm about the whole coronavirus
like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??
tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!
honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.
he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!
does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline
makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.
sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.
VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.
he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).
asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)
Eats a healthy amount of everything
asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.
also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf
def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️
Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.
Yamaguchi Tadashi
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oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?
doesn’t know what to believe anymore
keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.
Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-
Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.
like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on
“What are you even worrying about?”
“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“
Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.
Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords
“Thank you, Tsukki!”
Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off
Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐
His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused
but now his home is ALSO school??!!?
Luckily he understands the work, at least.
When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.
“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”
“Shut up.”
“Gomen, Tsukki.”
Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.
He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.
He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.
Sugawara Koushi
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Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺
obviously checking up on everyone
he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.
Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!
Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).
He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.
Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.
He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!
Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.
Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.
Will make the best cookies in the universe.
HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT
Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.
is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.
if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.
Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.
It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing
He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.
Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.
“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”
IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!
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zanecosh · 4 years
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’ ・゚ : 👽  : ・.  INTRODUCTION — Zane Wancosh  .・: 👽 :・゚ ’
⌠ CHANCE PERDOMO, TWENTY-ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ZANE WANCOSH! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (sunglasses in every imaginable color, serenading ‘ my heart will go on ‘ loudly at 4 am, finger guns to the pals and the gals). when it’s the (aries)’s birthday on 04/18/1999, they always request their FRENCH FRIES WITH GRAVY from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.
tw; drugs, jail/prison ??, alcohol
PAST but not rlly since i always had to mention what it did to him
- Zane was raised in Ottawa, Canada .. something he is very proud of and will mention a billion times as soon as he gets to know someone -- he will also deliberately say ‘ eh ? ‘ to let people know b ut we all know he ain’t sleek !!
- His parents had always been a loving bunch so he grew up receiving so much affection and attention that he now is a little FULL of himself but only because he seeks love and won’t stop until someone provides it for him im srry i didn’t make the law
.- So given his upbringing he’s always been the completely affectionate type, having his hands everywhere all the time and achING for hugs and small things like hand holding or just a pat  on the shoulder like he is seriously convinced that if he doesn’t get at least four hugs a day he will die a painful, lonely death
- So in addition to that, he had always been a very active, youthful and energetic kid which was pretty much something he got from his dad since he sort of kept things playful and always did the best that he could while his mom was on the stricter side but instead knew how to teach him things that were important !!
- So growing up he always made friends very easily because of how open he was ( except that time when he brought this girl home at the age of 7 because he thought she’d make a cool pet ) and because he was always vERY friendly, even if he had a tendency to be too nice at times and just got upset when people didn’t like him ?? which is honestly still the case
- Of course he loved being popular which is kind of his aspiration in most things nowadays?? he seeks to be liked so much it’s sometimes a lil sad but he will legitamately try anything to make you his friend and he wont care if ur bothered because at least then he’ll get a reaction out of you !! but yeah it’s something he never really learned bc he’s used to getting validated from his parents so he genuinely doesn’t COMPREHEND meanness ://
- It was when he was around ten ( 10 )  years old when his dad randomly moved to New York ?? which was honestly super scary to him but his mother assured him that it was for a special job which was definitely weird for him because that was the only thing she ever said when he asked her about his father and ofc zane wasn’t dumb just a little idiotic !!
- They still visited his father often where Zane was able to get to know America and New York a little better, which he definitely enjoyed even though he sort of preferred Canada always because he likes snow a lot and the fact that it kind of melts when you pee on it but anyway he was getting a bit more suspicious as he grew older
- Then on his sixteenth birthday he was able to visit his dad once more to which he then was revealed that his dad was the ring leader of a spy business !! WOW to which Zane was baffled of course bc his dad ??? who tripped over his 7th birthday cake because Zane saw a squirrel and started to chase it ?? exactly !!
- So of course, Zane wanted to start working there !! Not only because of curiosity but school was kind of boring ( ngl ) and he missed his dad a lot so while his mother was not happy about his choice at all she always believed in people doing whatever they wanted so without much time passing the male moved to New York and started working for his father !!
- it was quickly noticiable that Zane wasn’t great at spy work, considering he was incredibly clumsy and was always distracted by everything and almost shot off his left toe ONCE okay it was only onCE !! Anyway his father got a little frustrated with his chaotic energy so he gave him the jobs were he was usually with someone else so they could babysit him which was honestly better for him too bc he could make friends !!
-  So when he was around 19 that’s when he got to know his boy Landon, his main squeeze, one could even say the love of his life ( only he would say that ) but they immediately vibed with Landon being his driver even though they lowkey ended up doing stuff that completely wasn’t what his dad wanted but Zane was honestly just loving life and just doing a bit of shady stuff with his buddies was bonding ??
- HOWEVER NOT ALL THINGS CAN BE SUNSHINE AND CAKE; so they often kind of got into trouble ?? they were good at hiding and sort of running from the cops a couple of times but honestly not that much of a big deal as Zane would say but once upon a time, these assholes rlly got caught ahead of their time to which Landon then got away in time with someone from Gallagher helping while Zane honestly didn’t know what was happening n got caught ??
- To which he then ended up in jail for a year !! love carrying contraband while being high as fuck !! anyway, it was a very self reflecting time . even though he sort of learned nothing ?? anyway not even his dad could bail him out, only shorten the time if he in return joined Gallagher, a school where he would learn how to behave and use his spy knowledge to some good instead of just causing trouble !!
- Which he honestly didn’t vibe with so much because he was kind of scared of these spy kids ?? legit all of them could kill them w a look he wasn’t sure was his dad was thinking but that’s also why he chose medicial training, in order to not get hurt and if he did, he would be able to take care of himself which honestly wasn’t that much of a help when he was about to bonk this girl but ended up hitting his dick against the ground as they rolled around ?? he doesn’t wanna talk about it
- Anyway, he sort of grew into Gallagher for the most part, since he is a very adaptable person in general and was looking forward to making friends with people who were way cooler than him which was honestly a plus !! he just vibing y’all there ain’t no problem at all at all
PERSONALITY & LITTLE QUIRKS
- He’s super chaotic and all over the place, loves talking about anything and everything and sort of philophises over the most mundane things because its fun to talk about life y’all
- He has a super colorful taste in clothing and decoration and is pretty extraordinary in most things in life, whether its sunglasses or flowers on his backpack and shirts and stuff that’s way too big
- Is a slow talker and also doesn’t understand people who talk fast
- Has a habit of interrupting people mid-conversation and doesn’t realize that it could appear rude
- Loves everyone, is also super affectionate and always has an arm around his friends or will at least ask for conSENT bc that matters to him but he will most likely touch u some type of way im sorry
- Probably because he is super fidgety too, he legit has his hands everywhere all the time because he doesn’t like to stay still
- Somewhat of a class clown and certainly does not enjoy studying or any school related work so he’s kind probably always on the verge of failing ?? idk how he does it you guys
- will fist bump you but will also grab your ass
- Just wants to chill most of the time but somehow still always stressed
- Is a party ANIMAL like if there is a party, he’s there and probably drunk and high before the party even starts ?? in general i don’t think he’s been sober a day since he turned 18 who the fuck knows
- Will probably trip and fall everywhere as a drunk but he just laughs about it the second day, like he says if he doesn’t get hurt it won’t be a good party and i honestly worry about him and i’m not sure how he’s still alive
- does the peace sign way too often
- could be considered a sunny boy but since he’s from cold ass Canada he loves snow way much more and the cold for some reason
- has the biggest potty mouth like he doesn’t even realize he’s swearing
- is extremely honest like he will just stand there listening to someone complain and be like well that’s a bitch
-  also huge flirt and also catches feelings fast and will mostly say it outright when he falls for someone like boy has seriously no shame ?? he will feel the heartbreak but he believes he can deal with it better than questioning it all the time and if they feel the same he will just loVE
- he also might be polyamerous he doesn’t know it yet bc he’s never had that many chances but he just likes to love whatever
- his head is everywhere and nowhere at the same time so it’s possible that he doesn’t make sense 80% of the time
- has tattoos that don’t make sense at all, i like to refer pewdiepie or uhhhh what’s his name uhhhh kURTIS CONNER ?? im too lazy to fact check i been writing this for an hour let me be
- knows how to juggle and thinks that’s that probably the coolest skill he’s ever learned
- has two earthworms that he got during a biology project back in high school who have been in his possession for six years now ?? ( i checked they live for four to eight ) he loves them to death ok their names are Niall and Liam ....... ( yes he was an 1D stan don’t confront him about them he’ll cry )
- is very superficial, loves the horoscope and believes in like bad luck and stuff like that, will scold u if u don’t listen to him rant about unlucky things !!
/ @gallagherintro
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sparklyandchic · 4 years
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🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋
okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!
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5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.
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cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.
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meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today. 
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relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. 
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ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward! 
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filmflowersbangtan · 7 years
Text
Glitch | pt. 1
An abnormality in science creates your “perfect man.” 
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pairing: jungkook x reader
genre: angst 
warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, parental issues 
word count: 4,150
a/n: thanks to @jiminvbias​ @hyyh-baeptae​ and last but especially not least @namjinbooty9298​ for all the love and support. You guys keep me motivated! Much love and many kisses to you all! I hope everyone enjoys this, and feel free to give me feedback. Thank you!
“What are you thinking about doing for your thesis paper?” Namjoon said to you from across the table. Like usual, books and pens and notebooks were scattered about in front of him. “There’s a method to the mess,” he said to you once when you asked him why he had to take up so much room. He got distracted easily like a cat, so the only way to keep himself focused on his studies was to surround himself with them.
You were sitting across from him, shopping online for a pair of Givenchy heels. “Um… I’m thinking about doing my paper on photosynthesis and why it’s important,” you said, more interested in those grossly expensive block-heeled mink and leather heels than biology.
“There is no way in hell that you’re going to write an entire paper on photosynthesis. In graduate school.” Namjoon didn’t sound too convinced. You could tell from his voice that he was making that face that meant he was judging you. The one where he squinted his eyes and pressed his lips together.
You glanced up at him from over your laptop. “What?”
He snatched your laptop, scattering some of his notes in a flurry. “These are the ugliest fucking shoes that I have ever seen in my life. You’re wasting time on looking at these rather than working on your paper that’s due in two months.”
You sighed dramatically. “Yeah, two months. Shopping for shoes for like, two seconds, won’t hurt.”
Namjoon slid your laptop back over to you. “It will hurt. Because, knowing you, you’ll forget all about it until the night before it’s due. And no one but maybe Jesus himself can write a coherent twenty-page paper complete with research and graphs and charts and references the night before without dying.”
You closed your eyes and rubbed at your temples. “Oh, God, Namjoon. You’re such a buzzkill. I just want to buy some fucking shoes.”
He slightly raised his hands in a fragile surrender. “I’m just trying to be a good friend here.”
Because of the unnecessary stress that your friend just placed upon you by talking about the inevitable thesis statement, you went ahead and bought the shoes to placate yourself. If you were going to fail out of graduate school, at least you were going to do it in style, goddamn it.
-
People in graduate school were boring. People in biology graduate school were even more dull. Nobody here partied anymore. But the guys at the engineering school across the town were pretty fun.
You met a guy named Taehyung there who had pretty eyes and even prettier hands that he put to good use when the both of you stumbled into an empty bedroom. You ditched the place with him after he gave you a world-trembling orgasm to get drunk at a frat house that was also having a party (who knew engineering schools had fraternities?). Everything after that was a beautiful blur of drunken sex.
The very next day, you regretted the entire night.
Something on the floor was buzzing insistently. The sunlight through the blinds was too bright. You squinted one eye open. The room you were in was unfamiliar. There was a strange contraption on a desk that looked like a mini rollercoaster that was in the process of being built beside a MacBook with too many stickers around the apple. The vintage Star Wars posters plastered all over the walls made you think that you had stumbled into nerd hell.
The object was still vibrating, but you were too tired to reach over to where it was on the floor to turn it off.
“Oh my God,” a voice deep and husky enough to make your knees weak if you weren’t so hungover said. “Shut that damn thing off.”
You fought through the heaviness in your head and bit back a snarky remark to sit up and grab the object. It was your phone, surprisingly unscathed. Usually when you woke up in unfamiliar rooms, it meant that your night was wild enough to shatter a perfectly good phone. But one look at the screen and you realized that you fucked up royally, and not in a way that meant you had to make another stop at Best Buy. Ten missed calls and five texts from Namjoon, seven missed alarms for your afternoon class, and three missed calls from your dad.
You held the breath in your lungs as you read Namjoon’s texts.
Namjoon [12:10 PM] ummmmmm where the hell are you???
Namjoon [12:13 PM] you know that you can’t miss class. you know what your dad will do!!!
Namjoon [12:22 PM] i’m risknig my life hre to text you durig lecture… whre the fuk are you!!!
Namjoon [12:25 PM] you rlly can’t miss class. you know professor lee and your dad are best buds
Namjoon [12:31 PM] fuk it i’m done tryig to help you
You ran a hand over your face. “I’m so dead,” you groaned.
The person behind you grunted as he stretched his arms and legs. “Good morning to you, too.”
You turned and remembered the handsome face but couldn’t place a name with it. “Um… What’s your name again?”
The guy blinked a few times and scrunched his eyebrows together. “I’m Taehyung. Don’t you remember? We had sex like five times last night.”
You sighed and got up to fetch your clothes. “The fact that you remember last night, and I don’t is not a good look on your part, my dude.” You tugged your jeans up your legs and hopped as you tucked on your heels. For some reason you couldn’t find your shirt.
Taehyung got up to pull on his clothes, too. “I thought we really had something going… You said that you liked my rollercoaster.”
Your shirt was still nowhere to be found, so you rummaged through the nearest clothes drawer and slipped on the first top that you could find. “Please. I like everything when I’m drunk.” You touched up your hair and makeup as much as you could in the mirror that hung on the back of the door. Thank God you didn’t lose your purse last night.
Taehyung was standing a few feet behind you, looking as if you just kicked his dog. You felt a little bad that you were treating him this way, but one glance at the Star Wars posters let you know that Taehyung was a guy that didn’t get a lot of one-night stands, which meant he was probably going to ask for your number and most likely wanted to keep in touch. You had probably said a few things to him that made him feel special, and making boys feel special will make them cling to you. So even though you did remember the sex (which was amazing by the way. The boy had a tongue like a snake), you pretended like you didn’t. Attachment wasn’t sexy.
You opened the door and turned to him one last time. “Well, it was nice knowing you. Kind of. See ya. Oh, and I’m keeping the shirt.”
As soon as you were in the hallway with the door closed behind you, all the strength in your body melted. You sagged against the door and shut your eyes, trying to calm the dizziness in your head. Whether it was from the onslaught of texts and missed calls, or if it was from the hangover, you didn’t know.
You wanted to scream. Your dad was going to kill you. Namjoon was going to nag your ear off for putting yourself in a situation to make your dad want to kill you. And you left a beautiful boy alone in his room because you were afraid of him liking you. Congratulations, Y/N. You’re a complete fuck up.
Your phone buzzed in your hand and your heart leapt into your throat. “Oh, shit,” you whispered to yourself when you saw your dad’s face pop up along with his caller ID. With trembling hands, you slid the green button across the screen and lifted the device up to your ear.
“Hi, Daddy!” you said in a too sweet tone that you used to use when asking him for money when you were in high school. “How’s work going?”
Your father was not amused. “Y/N,” he said. It was kind of sad that you heard his “I’m very disappointed in you” tone more than you heard him pleased with you. The only time you heard his happy voice was whenever you did something biology related. He actually smiled at you the day that you got accepted to that stupid graduate school.
“Where are you?” he said stiffly. “Professor Lee told me that you missed class again. What did I say the last time that you missed class?”
You were pushing out of the dorm building and into the afternoon that was bright enough to burn your eyes out of the sockets. “You said that if I were to miss class again, I would have to move back home and work at your lab to stay out of trouble,” you grumbled. There was no forgetting those words. You loved your apartment, and you hated being home. You hated that you would have to be under the eye of your father like you were fifteen again.
“Exactly. And what did you do today?” You hated his tone. Like he was scolding a five-year-old for drawing on the walls.
You fished your sunglasses out of your purse and pushed them on. “I missed class,” you mumbled.
“Yes, you did. Now, where are you?”
-
You waited for your dad on a steel bench outside of the engineering school’s library. You were still in last night’s jeans that probably burned a hole into your savings and still wearing those mink Givenchy heels that you bought online for a little over a grand, but you felt like you were waiting to be picked up with the day’s trash.
Your dad’s car pulled up in front of you, the black paint gleaming in the sun like a panther’s ebony coat. He rolled down the passenger side window, extremely serious in his pressed dress shirt and dark sunglasses. It bothered you that you saw your own face in his.
You got in the car without a word and yanked on the seatbelt.
“What are you wearing?” he said.
You glanced down at your shirt. Darth Vader’s head was positioned in the center with the words STAR WARS hovering above it. It was made to look like a vintage 80’s print, but to you it was simply tacky. “Of course,” you muttered to yourself. As if your father couldn’t judge you any more than he already was.
“You smell like alcohol and must,” your father said as he drove.
You ignored him, gazing out of the window at the buildings that passed by. “I haven’t had breakfast yet. Can we stop at McDonald’s or something?”
He was good at ignoring the things that you said, too. “Y/N, I just don’t understand why you still act like this. You’re twenty-five years old and you’re brilliant at math and science. You could excel in your studies if you actually tried.”
What if I don’t like biology, you wanted to say. What if I hate science? But those words would only fall on deaf ears. Your father was an award-winning biologist, gaining world recognition for his achievements in cell cloning. This caused you a lot of stress growing up. Everyone expected you to be as smart or as good at math and science as him like intelligence was a gene. Too bad you were actually good at the shit, making everybody believe that maybe good brains did run in the family. Too bad you secretly hated biology.
Namjoon was at your apartment when you arrived. Your dad waited in the car as Namjoon helped you stuff some your clothes into various suitcases.
“You’re a really good friend, you know that, right?” you said to Namjoon as he pulled some more of your clothes from your closet.
Namjoon laughed a little through his nose. “I would say the same to you, but you really need to get your shit together.”
You scoffed playfully and shoved his shoulder, and he stumbled dramatically. But the light-hearted atmosphere was dampened almost immediately. You sat down at the end of your bed with your shoulders slumped. “I really do need to get my shit together,” you said, staring down at the lines in your palms.
Namjoon stopped flipping through the clothes in your closet and sunk down on the mattress beside you. He wrapped an arm around you, and you rested your head against his shoulder. “I know that you hate this biology shit. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve seen all those beautiful drawings in your sketchbook. I’ve noticed how you pay more attention to fashion than you do about cells and molecules. I know that your dad is a pain in the ass and that you’re doing all of this for him. But you’ve got to tell him that you don’t want this. It’s the only way for you to be happy.”
Something sticky and warm rolled down your face. You swiped at your cheek and your hand came away moist. Oh Jesus. You were crying. “Goddamn it, Namjoon. Leave it up to you to make a girl cry.”
“I usually only make girls in Star Wars shirts cry on Saturday nights,” he said.
You choked out a laugh through the tears, wiping harshly at more that trickled down your face. “What the fuck does that even mean?”
He smiled and rubbed your arm with affection. “I don’t know. At least it made you laugh, though.”
What did you do in your past life to deserve him? Because in this life, you hadn’t done shit.
Outside, your father honked his horn once. You tilted your head back and groaned at the ceiling.
-
“I’ll take care of your apartment. Don’t worry,” Namjoon said as he loaded your last suitcase into the trunk.
“That means I won’t have an apartment to come home to because you’ve burned it down,” you said.
Namjoon smiled at you and you let him engulf you in a hug. “Stay strong, beautiful. Only you can be the one to tell him what you really want,” he whispered in your ear.
Your old room was the same as you had first left it when you were eighteen. A bed with an abundance of stuffed animals and down pillows. An organized desk with a cup of pens and sticky notes and a letter stacking tray. A bookshelf full of physics, chemistry, and biology books. Print-out calendars marked up with different colored pens. A shelf of trophies from robotics competitions, spelling bees, and science fairs. The only thing that was different was that the succulents were missing. Your dad must’ve tossed them out because there wasn’t anyone that would take care of them after you’d gone.
God, you hated this place.
“Make sure you get yourself some breakfast before we head out to the lab. We’ll be there all day,” your dad said as he passed your open door.
You rolled your eyes up to the ceiling and exhaled deeply from your nose. Your head was still pounding from the hangover, and your father wasn’t making it go any quicker.
You ate breakfast in your room while looking through some of the old sketchbooks that you kept in a shoebox under your bed. When you were in high school, you used to draw the same person over and over again. He was your “perfect man” (that was back when you thought such a thing existed, when you were young and naïve). Tall, well-dressed, and handsome with silky hair and big, brown eyes. A breathtaking smile with a barely visible dimple in his left cheek. You wondered what this guy looked like, what he smelled like. What was his favorite color? What kind of music did he like to listen to? Back then, the young, naïve you believed that if you thought about this guy really hard, he would come and save you from those stupid kids who thought that you were nothing more than a science geek with a rich dad and from that rich dad that thought you were his biology prodigy.
This perfect man understood you. He didn’t judge you or think that you were too nerdy to hang out with him.
Now, you laughed as you flipped through dozens and dozens of drawings of this one man. You drew him in several different styles of clothes. Maybe this was where your love for fashion began. You took one of the sketchbooks with you to the lab to give you some internal strength.
-
Your father and his team were working on some “top secret” cell cloning project. You didn’t know much about the project at large, but you did little tasks here and there for the team. Fetching coffee and copies, double checking to see if certain doors were locked, looking at cells in microscopes and writing down observations when one of the scientists were too preoccupied with something more important.
As you were getting coffee for the team that you were working with for the day, the fluorescent lights above flickered for a full minute before ticking to normal.
“We’re still trying to figure out how to stop that from happening,” a lab technician said when you asked her about it while giving her the coffee that she asked for. “It’s the energy from the system that we’re using for the project. We’re either using too much or not enough. So far all the tests have failed.”
That was the most that anyone had told you about this project that they called, “Project Aureus.”
During your lunch breaks, you found a place to hide in. It was one of the rooms that had to be locked twenty-four seven. Technically, you weren’t allowed in here, but you didn’t care. You were the only one who checked the doors to see if they were locked, so no one would figure out. The room was small and bare. There was absolutely no furniture and it was completely white. The plainness of it calmed you sometimes. It helped with the stress that your father and his colleagues were pressing onto your shoulders throughout the days.
You sat in here and ate a sandwich as you flipped through your sketchbook again, looking into the face of your once perfect man. He never did come to save you from high school. And now that you were stuck under the thumb of your tyrant of a father, seeing those drawings again only pissed you off.
No one was going to save you. No one was going to carry you out of the black hole that you threw yourself into. Namjoon was your friend, but he had his own life and career that he had to think about. You didn’t want to get in the way of that. Namjoon loved the hell out of biology, so there was no way that he could understand how much you hated it. How much you needed to escape from it.
A bead of moisture fell onto the paper, pressing a dark dent into it. You wiped at your eyes to discover that you were crying again and that pissed you off even more. Meanwhile, your perfect man’s stupid face looked up at you with his stupid eyes and stupid hair. You tore out all the pages and rushed out of the tiny room, locking the door behind you.
“Hey! What were you doing in there?” a scientist that happened to be walking down the barren hall at that very moment said. He had a clipboard tucked under his arm. You forgot that sometimes they made rounds to this side of the facility. “That room is used specifically for Project Aureus’ purposes. Don’t go in there again.” He spoke in a tone that resembled your father’s which only angered you even more.
You nodded and rushed off, your hands tight in fists at your sides.
-
The very next day, as you were returning to the lab from the longue with both your hands full with mugs of coffee, the lights flickered and buzzed like they usually did at this time of day. You were immune to it by now like everyone else in the building was. They were running tests again. But this time was different. The fluorescents completely shut off, resulting in the hallways being washed in the eerie red glow of the emergency lights.
You paused in your steps, your heart thrumming in your ears as doctors and scientists everywhere scurried about shouting things that you didn’t quite understand.
“It worked!” a man rushing pass you said with glee. “It actually worked!” You weren’t sure where he was going or what he was talking about, but you assumed that the current project was a success.
Curious, you headed back to the lab room to give the doctors their coffee. This was the only area that still had power due to its back-up generator because of its “high importance” (you didn’t know why this room was important, that was just what you were told on your first day). It was uncannily silent as everyone watched a set of monitors displaying whatever was going on. Their faces were a mix of confusion and wonder. It was so quiet, and everybody was so still that the sound of your footsteps rang eerily throughout the room. There were more people in here than normal, a majority of them standing to get a good look at the screens.
“Here’s your coffee,” you said to Dr. Greene, bending down to place the mug on her desk. You felt like you had to whisper because it was so silent.
Dr. Greene didn’t acknowledge your presence, which was usual unless she was barking her coffee order at you. “We made an entire human?” she whispered, her fingers in front of her mouth in awe. You knew that she wasn’t talking to you, so you moved on to find Dr. Kim’s desk through the bodies all standing around in their starched white coats.
“But those papers? Where did they come from?” another doctor responded.
“Were those papers the answer to our problem all along?”
“But that’s the problem. We weren’t trying to create a person. We were just trying to clone a solid subject without it coming out deformed.”
As everyone chimed in with their observations, the room began to buzz with conversation.
Your curiosity got the better of you. You knew that you weren’t supposed to know anything about the project, and you knew that the doctors sent you out of the room for coffee at the same time each day so that you wouldn’t see whatever was going to be displayed on the monitors in the front of the room, but what they were saying was so strange that you had to look.
You slowly pushed through the congregation of doctors and scientists, pretending to look for the owner of the coffee in your hand until you reached the front of the room where the two flat-screen sized monitors hung up on the wall.
As soon as you got a look at the screen, the cup of coffee in your hand slipped, crashing to the floor. The scorching liquid bit at your exposed ankles when it splashed, but that didn’t faze you. A few people around you jumped back, muttering insults at you, but you barely heard them.
The two monitors displayed an identical set of rooms that both looked exactly like the one that you ate your lunch in the day before. One still had the pages that you ripped from your sketchbook scattered across the floor.
And in the other –
The man in the room was sitting on the floor, his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms around his knees. He was completely naked, his muscles taut and toned. The room was drowning with red because of the emergency lights, but despite that, you saw the gleam in his eyes when he looked up at the camera in the corner. You knew that he wasn’t, but it felt like he was gazing straight at you.
Those were the eyes that you knew better than your own. Big and brown and doe-like. You’d been drawing them all throughout high school, and never in your life would you be able to forget the way that they looked.
“She has to get out of here! This is confidential!” Bodies made a path for your father, the man that this very facility was name after. He snatched your upper arm, but despite him dragging you away, you kept your eyes on the man on the screen.
This couldn’t be. There was no way that you were seeing this correctly.
Your perfect man was real?
another a/n: Okay, okay. I know Jungkook doesn’t show until the end, but this is just the set up chapter. I promise that there will be lots more Jungkook in the future!
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neo-shitty · 3 years
Note
toffee!
no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)
mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*
hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao
okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?
YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.
hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*
no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.
oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?
ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.
that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!
ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol
<3 w.a. 🐺
at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.
i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.
"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.
some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.
okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.
please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.
oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.
good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 
i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.
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anosai-blog · 7 years
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"you're always number one" for saiibo of course!! saiibo is the first thing that comes to mind whenever i see ya on here 0: i dont mind if this doesnt get written ^_^ i do wish you a good day/night tho!(aa i went through your writing tag n i just gotta say that i rlly love it💕)
uhhh it’s kind of weird and probably not what you had in mind but I ended up doing this. also I dumped in random prompts from jp twitter too
later on
It's okay for a man to love a man. In certain places. In certain ways.
There are certain rules in society and he's learned them, knows how to follow them. He's had enough time. It makes their lives easier, just to fit in.
But there's one that's been bothering him lately. He's been spending a lot of time thinking about it.
It's okay for a man to love another man, but they can never be married. They can never start a family, never have children. They can't even adopt.
And while he's not exactly a man, it's the shape he's taken on. It's what society sees him as. And maybe it's because he's not exactly a man that he's never been bothered knowing he can't be married. That he can't have children. It was unchangeable truth. It had always been.
But the same can't be said for Saihara, and it bothers him.
(Would you want me to be a girl, Saihara? He had brought the question up unbidden one day, open and genuine in his meaning. It would make little difference to him and he hadn't meant anything beneath the surface, but Saihara had looked concerned. Troubled. But he hadn't asked why he had asked, only said, I want you to be whatever makes you most happy.
In the end he had stayed the same.
Back then he was always trying to change himself. He wasn't sure who he wanted to be. But Saihara never pushed him into being anything. Maybe that was why he had fallen in love with him.)
They've been together for awhile now, moving together into a shared apartment after graduation. They're older now, but still young, in that sort of almost-intangible stage between young adult and finally, truly adult.
He had ended up working with his "father" (the Profesor) at Iidabashi Industries. He'd gotten over his hatred of robotics (even found a talent for it, unsuprisingly) as he became less and less himself. Not that he's become any more biological. It's just that, as far as the world is concerned, he's a human now. And (from what most people can see, at least) he looks it. There's been a lot of work done on him, some of it developed by himself, and he's proud of it. Proud of who he is.
(Just another thing to fit into society.)
(And it doesn't really matter that sometimes rumors and former classmates pop up. Him, a robot? Who would believe that?)
He's set to inherit the company someday. Hopefully not soon.
Saihara found work at the local police department. He works hard. He's usually out of bed hours before he wakes up, sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, going through papers. But he always smiles at him when he finally gets up, when he goes to start breakfast.
That's their life together, slow and comfortable. And that's fine for now, but—
-
He smiles at him as he steps into the kitchen, sitting at the table, drinking coffee. As always. But there's no papers in his hands and his hair is still messy (did he sleep in today or did he wake up too early?), and maybe his smile is a bit bigger than usual.
"Kiibo," he greets. He sounds excited, like he wants to talk about something, but there's something he has to say, first. And maybe it's a bad day for it, a bad time for it, but there won't ever be a good time and he has to say it now.
—it can't last forever. Time doesn't wear on him but it wears on him, wears on Saihara, and the knowing sits heavy on his soul.
"Saihara." It sounds sick and bitter, and Saihara's cheerfulness fades into that worried face he knows so well (it hurts his heart every time, every occasion burned into his memory), one that he hasn't seen in so long. Back into the early days. Back in the before.
"What's wrong, Kiibo?"
"I, I want to thank you for everything. You've taught me so much."
It's hard for him to choose his words, and they come out slow, wooden. He's thought about this so much but he hasn't actually thought about what he was going to say. He realizes that now.
"Huh? You're making me nervous."
"I. I think it's time we end this." His voice takes on a robotic quality as he says it, some sort of staticky stutter. He hasn't sounded that way in years. Maybe he's nervous. No. He knows he is. He doesn't really want to do this.
Saihara's silent, staring at him with wide eyes. They watch each other in that quiet kitchen they've shared nearly every morning together in for years.
"What?" He can barely get it out.
"I know enough about romance now." He curses himself for his word choice as soon as he speaks. He's pleading, really, but it doesn't come across in his voice, in what he says. It's almost monotone.
"—know enough? What?" His shoulders shake. Something sits barely suppressed beneath his voice.
"I thought you said you wanted this to be real. I thought it was real."
"I didn't say it wasn't real."
"...why, then? You've never even said anything."
"I—"
He deserves to know, he realizes. I want you to be happy.
"You deserve better than me. You deserve to have a family. I—"
And now it's his turn to shake. The emotions rise in his chest, rush out with the words. It's too much for him to deal with.
(I know that your family doesn't like me. I know that they haven't spoken to you for so long because you're with me. I know you miss them. I'm not worth it.)
"—I've already wasted too many years of your life!" It comes out a roar and it echoes around them and he's embarrassed by it as soon as he says it but he means it anyway.
"I wanted this! Don't call it a waste!" Saihara yells back and he's genuinely angry. Kiibo's surprised, somehow, that Saihara truly cares that much. That he actually really cares about him.
He's never seen him this mad before.
He pushes in his chair hard and it bangs up against the table. He steps up close and his hands fall on Kiibo's shoulders, tense.
"...don't do this to me."
He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't move.
"If. If you didn't want to be with me anymore. If you just didn't like me anymore. I would understand. But don't make decisions for me, okay? I can make my own choices!"
"I. I just want you to be happy."
"I was happy! If I wasn't, I would have left!"
"But, your family..."
"They don't matter!" Saihara's hand leaves his shoulder and clutches at his chest. He looks pained. They've never talked about this, though he probably knew that he knew.
"You're the only one that matters, okay? You've always been number one."
"I don't know how you can say that."
"I can. And I mean it." He glares down at him like he's challenging him.
"...I'm sorry."
What else could he say? All his reasons would just sound stupid in response. It was true, wasn't it? It's not like he knew any better than Saihara.
"...are you really happy this way?"
"...I love you, Kiibo."
And Saihara kisses him, but it feels sad, somehow. He can't say why.
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