#sam + demon blood

[shallowseeker]

What is the most well-acted scene of SPN, in your opinion?

I think for a genre show, there are a lot of surprisingly hard-hitting moments. But today, I'm gonna say this:

CROWLEY: I'd like...to ask you a-a favor, Sam. Earlier, when you were confessing back there...what did you say? I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness? I mean...

///

Discussion:

I think Mark's voice, and his whole everything in this scene was among the hardest-hitting of Supernatural. It was so incredibly well-done.

Crowley has been brutal this season. He killed Kevin's girlfriend and tortured Kevin, and yet here he is, asking for forgiveness in a Church, a symbol of penance and forgiveness. As he spirals down from the high of the "roofied disinhibition" of "being a demon," he starts to feel everything again, and he despairs.

It's a callback to the demon Father Thompson cured, the one who ate his own children. It's a callback to Sam's hopped-up stent on demon blood.

In SPN Prime, John thought he was doing the right thing by his neglect and absence and violence, to toughen up his children and prepare them to defend themselves in a world that wants to kill them. And in doing so, John let his family down, and he died before they could fix it. Sam grieving John is not just about grieving the man lost, it's about Sam grieving the loss of potential for healing and repair.

If John Winchester could have lived and reckoned with his crimes of absence and neglect and cruelty, could he have done the same? Asked for forgiveness? Sam will never know. Sam would've forgiven him. There's nothing he wants to put in front of his family either, when you get down to it.

And Sam feels this guilt in himself, too, in his powering up on demon blood in order to do the righteous thing and protect the world. (We'll see in season 15 that this power would've corrupted him, eventually killing those very things he longed to protect.)

Also, there's the guilt for what he perceives as his run to escapism purely for the sake of escaping, serving up an incomplete version of himself in order to fit into an idealized normal (Amelia is to Sam as Kate was to John Winchester, perhaps). In doing so, he let his family down when they needed him the most. (He abandoned Kevin, Dean, Cas because he couldn't face the pain of fighting alone, like how John had to fight alone, and like how Mary has to fight alone in the AU Earth-world. Having siblings is like having built-in allies, and because of that, Sam's never had to fight alone.)

Sam, too, will ask for forgiveness in this church, the symbol of forgiveness. Sam still has living family members to connect to and heal with, and in this scene at least, family is about forgiveness. Dean will be compared to Church by Jody, and it's linking this idea that there are things in your life you can rely on, no matter what. Church is supposed to be a "communal family of forgiveness, not judgment" after all. (Example: Jody turns to Church when she's alone.)

Siblings can be a built-in church in the same way that they are built-in comrades. But Sam was not there for his only kin, and he despairs over not being a reliable brother, lamenting that Dean has turned to his “new brothers” over him. Dean capitulates to Sam's mental state here in this scene, affirming his sense of worth and that he'll always be there no matter what. Critically, this is to preserve Sam's life, because Sam is not in his right mind; he's suicidal.

(Eventually, Crowley too will try to repair things with his son Gavin, and he'll also reckon with Rowena's abandonment.)

The nifty thing about this scene, I think, is that while the Church is the symbol of familial forgiveness and penance, the actual institution of Heaven is brutal and unforgiving and judging. Outside, the angels are falling. The idea of it is more powerful than the reality of it. Heaven would not let Cas do penance.

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

 Dean shakes his head ferociously, clutching against the fabric of Dad’s jeans. He has to make sure Sammy stays safe.

  “—and of the Holy Spirit,” Pastor Jim finishes, emptying the rest of the water onto Sammy’s forehead. Dean prays to the God he no longer believes in that her eyes are closed as she wails. He has a terrible feeling that if Dad just saw her eyes—just saw the way she stares up at everyone when she gets like that, that piercing, blinding, captivating glow that can’t be escaped—he would do something horrible, like drop his daughter into the water and let it quench the golden flame of her stare.

Sam has always felt like a freak in his body. As long as he can remember, his life has revolved around his brother--but as he begins to transition from a child to a teenager, he's forced into a reckoning of his feelings for Dean, and a strange angel appearing in his dreams that calls itself Azazel.

***

Hey y’all! For those of you who aren’t out trick-or-treating or getting high and watching campy horror films, I’ve got a horror wincest fic for you, illustrated by the amazing @blindswandive​ !! If you’re interested in a long, bloody, kinky, weecest fic featuring Azazel & his special children, demon blood goodness, trans!sam, and religious-toned SPN, check it out HERE!

Warnings: Gore, Underage, Cannibalism, some queerphobia, consensual misgendering, Murder/Death, discussions of periods+pregnancy, minor Sam/Azazel with consent issues

and check out the amazing art for this story HERE !!!

[caranfindel]

I need Sam to complain about having to be the one who recites the exorcism, why do I always have to do it, can’t you memorize it, and Dean laughs and says you’re the geek here, that’s why it’s your job, I do the fighting and you do the Latinating, and Sam says yeah, big talk, I know you just don’t want to say it because it hurts, stop being such a wuss about it and take your turn, and Dean says what do you mean it hurts and Sam says you know, the way it makes your throat and mouth burn and Dean says what the fuck, Sam, what are you talking about and then they both just… oh.

[boy-kings-court]

supernatural writers after season 5

[miiilowo]

mom said it's my turn on the ponynatural (+rambling about their cutiemarks in the tags)

[phrysic]

something’s got to give.

[bigspoonlttlespoon]

uh, sammy, you got a little something…

yunno what nevermind (sam should have kept his demon blood powers longer yall)

[jayjay-thejet-plane]

Guys guys guys

what if demon dean put a muzzle on sam😳

ps check my reblog for more context😈😈😈

[ima-super-natural]

Castiel telling Dean "it's not really him in there" while Sam is screaming for help in the panic room after drinking demon blood again in my bloody valentine is crazy cause like yes it is.

[lambmotifz]

thinking about this scene and how 2009 dean is appalled at his future self’s actions (“you just shot a guy in cold blood.”)

also thinking about how in 2.09 croatoan dean was ready to shoot duane…and sam’s desperate “you might kill an innocent man, and you don’t even care! you don’t act like yourself anymore, dean.” and dean went to shoot duane and changed his mind at the last moment. which is a direct parallel to 2.03 bloodlust, when dean wanted to kill all the vampires, but because sam begged him not to, he didn’t

sam is canonically the only person who can pull dean away from identifying as a ruthless killer. 2014 dean lost his sam & fully gave in to his violent side

[coward2coward]

i'm sure you haven't forgotten how much you love the taste

[sammygender]

something sooooo interesting about sam saying ‘i have powers’ present tense in american nightmare. even tho he proceeds to use past tense when talking about what he could do… he still identifies as having them. taking that as confirmation they’re still within him and he’s just too deeply traumatised by s4/5 to use them again <3 if this show was good though sam‘s psychic powers would’ve made a comeback

[thedeadedhooman]

the culmination of soulless sam high on demon blood while possessed by lucifer would've put everybody in their place and showed them how it's done. they'd be terrified of him. nobody stood a chance against that and that's why the writers couldn't do it. they knew jarpad would've put his whole pussy into that role and soulless boyking of hell sam would've killed everybody and the show would've ended.

[angel-ghoul444]

⛥ the boy with the demon blood ౨♱ৎ

[bloodfreak-boyking]

thinking about a world where Sam doesn’t listen to Ruby between s3 & s4 and dies via suicide by reckless hunting and ends up on Dean’s rack

[samdeancrimespree]

samdean having the same blood type is so important to me like icb we never saw them giving each other blood transfusions.

it would’ve been john’s idea at first… sam gets a serious injury on one of his first hunts and he’s losing blood but they’re in the woods and john— calm, ignoring the obvious horror and self-blame on dean’s face— orders dean to the car, go get the first aid kit. dean’s out of breath when he gets back, silently taking over putting pressure on sam’s wound, entire focus on keeping him awake, you’re okay sammy, just look at me. he barely takes notice of john until he’s pulling dean’s left hand off sam, pushing up his sleeve. dean doesn’t even glance at him until he feels something stick in his forearm. that’s when he looks, seeing plastic tubing and needles. he makes brief eye contact with his father, understanding despite never going to a doctor before, and turns back to sam. sam barely reacts to the needle in his arm, just a weak flutter of eyelids, and dean sits there in shock until john smacks him on the side of the head, ordering him to stand up. dean obeys, already a good soldier at 17. he stands over sam like a guardian angel, watching his blood travel down the tube into sam’s veins as john sews the hole in his abdomen shut.

john knows from looking at him that he must be lightheaded, but dean still insists on helping sammy back to the car, sticking close to him like he’ll die if he lets go.

both boys in the backseat, pale from blood loss, but alive. sam’s head is on dean’s shoulder, and deans arm is around him, blood-stained fingers dragging up and down his arm slowly, soothing.

john doesn’t even argue about them sharing a bed that night; he’s too tired. dean refuses to leave sam’s side for a moment, washing the blood and grime off sam’s face, hands and stomach without doing the same for himself. they fall asleep with sam’s face almost against dean’s chest and dean’s arms tight around him, feeling him breathing.

once they know they can, they do it a lot. dean offering when it’s really not necessary, and sam letting him, both pretending they don’t just enjoy sharing everything about themselves.

and Maybe when they get a drop of blood on their hands they just lick it off instead of dirtying their clothes and Maybe that’s where sam got his taste for blood from but who am i to say