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phoenix-nerd · 1 year

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So a little bit of a vent, I know I don't post on here often but I didn't know where else to put it. Now from here forward, I'm going to leave a trigger warning for the rest of this text: Disease, Near Death, Starvation, Bleeding, general hospital stuff, health-related issues, talk of death, mortality, etc.

For context, I've been struggling with my health for the past couple of years. I never really brought it up to anyone and I tried avoiding it to the best of my ability. I had no energy and was tired almost all the time. My stomach was in constant pain and I could never figure out why. That was up until a few months ago when I experienced my first flare-up. I started bleeding internally and I couldn't stomach anything. I couldn't eat and I didn't eat for a total of 34 days. I lost around 38 pounds in just a few weeks, I lost my ability to walk more than three feet without collapsing, I was vomiting and excreting blood, I developed a Bartholin's cyst, and so many more symptoms. I couldn't even ride in the car without being in constant pain from the movement. It got to the point that I could feel my body dying. I went to E.R. over 8 times, each time they were never helpful and asked invading questions relating to my past traumas. I even got turned away at the door of the main hospital I was a patient for. It wasn't until the last visit that I was finally hospitalized and sent to a hospital in a different city. They ran several tests on me and for my first week there I was essentially comatose. During my whole stay, I was hooked up to I.V.s and had to get a PICC line put in my arm. I had to get put under and had some very invasive operations done on me which I am not comfortable enough to disclose to anyone. After they disclosed to me that I have Crohn's disease. That's why I didn't have the energy to talk or hang out with anyone, that's why it hurt to eat and hurt to not, that's why certain foods and spices upset my body more than others. They also told me that during a flare-up, I get open sores all over the inside of my digestive system. From my mouth to the end, and because I wasn't hospitalized sooner, one of these sores tore open to another organ. I'm actually going to schedule surgery soon and terrified of it and want it to be over already. They also told me that Crohns has no cure. I relearned how to walk, I had to learn how to stomach solid food again, and I had to regain some weight. I was hospitalized for a little over half a month. I now also have to go in every month to get an I.V. infusion so this hopefully never happens again but it's never certain as flare-ups can be completely random. Crohns is also a disease that can worsen over time so I can't help but worry it'll happen or that my body may reject my treatment. I also discovered that I'm 10x more likely at risk to develop cancer and a mutation of the BRCA gene runs in my family, so while nothing confirmed as that'll all be in the future, it's still a worry for me that I might develop ovarian cancer as my life goes on. All in all, I'm terrified of the future and scared of dying. I don't want to be alone when this happens but I don't want to hurt people if I leave too soon. I know the reality of that might be slimmer in reality than in my head, but I can't help but worry. It also doesn't help that lately my hair's been falling out. I've been distant with people for so long because I wanted them to leave me thinking I was a bad friend than ever forcing them to face the trauma of losing a friend early. I know that one day I will pay the toll to the river Styx (if my family can even remember I'm pagan and to pay my way) and drink from the river Lethe, but I'm scared of Thanatos collecting my soul before I could fully live the life I want. I know I likely won't die of this disease, however, I can't but worry and feel like my world is crashing around me. If you've gotten this far, thank you. I needed to get this out of my system. This will be my first and last post like this. So the rest of my page will be filled with whatever fandom I'm into or whatever fanfic I'm reading. So yeah, more memes instead of depressing stuff like this lmao.

#vent post #personal vent

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thedivinefish · 5 months

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TGIWednesday: The most haunted city in Florida

TGIWednesday News

I saw some bizarre random article about ghost tours and other shenanigans and almost fell over when I saw that the parking for "ghost tours" was at my old elementary school that I can see about 100 yards from my house. You can go on YouTube and type in "Clearwater Florida the most haunted city in Florida" and see it! I would have figured it was St. Augustine because that's really old and creepy, think conquistadors and Fountain of Youth. What's the point? There's good and bad all around us, yin and yang and we just have to roll with it and instead of hope. I like the word faith. Have faith that things can and will improve and turn out better than they were. Life is an ebb and flow like the daily tides of high and low and always subject to change. Know that your life can and will improve if you just ride out the waves!

Reach out whenever we can help/contribute to you and yours in any way. View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

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~ WIRY TENSION ~

I believe, think, know and feel that I can release all this daily tension off of my body, mind and spirit here and now. I know when, where, how and why to enjoy activities that relax me and allow me to unwind from my day! I know when, where, how and why to stop and take a moment for myself and to know that it's all about the journey instead of the destination. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is. We're seeing you now making a little daily progress which will translate into the rest of your life being the best of your life and so it is.

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YOU WEALTH REVOLUTION SEASON 27 NEW LIVE Q&A CALL TOMORROW APRIL 25 4PM EDT 12:45pm PT/2:45pm CT/ 3:45pm ET LISTEN LIVE - Raise Your Hand for possible 1-on-1 HELP: https://liveshow.youwealthrevolution.com/now.php

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

APRIL 24TH "Today I will not allow my mind to act like a runaway train. I will keep my feelings in check and note that what I worried about yesterday can only hamper my now and my tomorrow. I will let go of the past. I will remember to ask to question, will this matter 10 or 20 years from now and chances are that the answer is a resounding No!"

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From the Fish Box

MY DAILY PRAYER SUBSCRIBER

Hi Jimmy,

This was one of my prayer requests during the period 3/18 to 4/18/24:

“Prayers to be cleared from April 19, 2024, jury duty service and all future timelines going forward.”

In review, I received my first Grand Jury Summons the first week of January for jury service on February 16th. I immediately sent in paperwork from my optometrist noting that I could no longer drive in the dark due to impending cataract evaluation/surgery. (I would have had to leave the house by 6 am well before sunrise to arrive on time.) It was shot down because the optometrist was not considered a licensed physician.

Here’s the emailed response in part:

"The farthest day available we were able to postpone for Grand Jury is for 4/19/2024. Therefore, that is your new date of service. You will be receiving a new summons with the new information."

Guess what, Jimmy? I never received another new summons in the mail! I waited and waited for the summons to show up, but the prayer worked! I didn’t have to drive the 30 miles and possibly sit there all day and wait for my group to be selected Whew! The prayer must have been on steroids! How I slipped through the system, I guess we will never know; but thank you, Source, and thank you, Jimmy for launching my request out to the heavens!

- D. F.

What's On Deck?

Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point An excellent vehicle to support anti-aging, finances even wellness rebirth and a return to splendor! 💸🏦🌠

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Join us on our continuing voyage to navigate the unusual, the different and the deepest changes!

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We have grouped 40+ audio titles into MyBeliefWorks Audio Collections. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s) We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better and we are ALWAYS working on the next one. Don’t forget… you can share these with your immediate friends and family.

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Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you. Looking for a new job? Going through a court proceeding? Upcoming surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? Need help selling or buying a property? Troubled times in your relationship? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program.

30 Days of Daily Prayer (single month) - $99/month This $99 service is for ONE SINGLE MONTH of 30 DAYS ONLY. Click here After the 30 days, you will receive an email from Jimmy and have the opportunity to renew for an additional month plus update your list, but you are under no obligation.

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All are welcome to CREATE A FREE ACCOUNT to access the NEW and IMPROVED My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple Basic Training Course. Anchors Away Masterclass: Sustain and clear and sovereign energetic field of dark energies and anomalies. Life Force Energy Masterclass: Enhance your fishing practice by approaching from a deeper, numeric level. Mastery & Practitioner Certification Course

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny

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-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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divinefishingtips · 5 months

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TGIWednesday: The most haunted city in Florida

TGIWednesday News

Reach out whenever we can help/contribute to you and yours in any way. View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download

~ WIRY TENSION ~

▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔

FREE Live Appearances

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

From the Fish Box

MY DAILY PRAYER SUBSCRIBER

Hi Jimmy,

This was one of my prayer requests during the period 3/18 to 4/18/24:

“Prayers to be cleared from April 19, 2024, jury duty service and all future timelines going forward.”

Here’s the emailed response in part:

"The farthest day available we were able to postpone for Grand Jury is for 4/19/2024. Therefore, that is your new date of service. You will be receiving a new summons with the new information."

- D. F.

What's On Deck?

Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point An excellent vehicle to support anti-aging, finances even wellness rebirth and a return to splendor! 💸🏦🌠

Join us on our continuing voyage to navigate the unusual, the different and the deepest changes!

The Fish Market

Shop The Prosperity Collection Shop the Body, Mind and Spirit Collection Shop the Improve Your Life Collection

Browse over 45 Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

The 5 Anchors Energy Process The Purple Rain Energy Process The Magical Golden Key Process TheNight Passage Sleep Process

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Use PayPal for subscription Click here

Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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365dailyaffirmations · 5 months

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TGIWednesday: The most haunted city in Florida

TGIWednesday News

Reach out whenever we can help/contribute to you and yours in any way. View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download

~ WIRY TENSION ~

▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔

FREE Live Appearances

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

From the Fish Box

MY DAILY PRAYER SUBSCRIBER

Hi Jimmy,

This was one of my prayer requests during the period 3/18 to 4/18/24:

“Prayers to be cleared from April 19, 2024, jury duty service and all future timelines going forward.”

Here’s the emailed response in part:

"The farthest day available we were able to postpone for Grand Jury is for 4/19/2024. Therefore, that is your new date of service. You will be receiving a new summons with the new information."

- D. F.

What's On Deck?

Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point An excellent vehicle to support anti-aging, finances even wellness rebirth and a return to splendor! 💸🏦🌠

Join us on our continuing voyage to navigate the unusual, the different and the deepest changes!

The Fish Market

Shop The Prosperity Collection Shop the Body, Mind and Spirit Collection Shop the Improve Your Life Collection

Browse over 45 Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

The 5 Anchors Energy Process The Purple Rain Energy Process The Magical Golden Key Process TheNight Passage Sleep Process

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Use PayPal for subscription Click here

Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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advancedthetapractitioner · 5 months

Text

TGIWednesday: The most haunted city in Florida

TGIWednesday News

Reach out whenever we can help/contribute to you and yours in any way. View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download

~ WIRY TENSION ~

▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔

FREE Live Appearances

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

From the Fish Box

MY DAILY PRAYER SUBSCRIBER

Hi Jimmy,

This was one of my prayer requests during the period 3/18 to 4/18/24:

“Prayers to be cleared from April 19, 2024, jury duty service and all future timelines going forward.”

Here’s the emailed response in part:

"The farthest day available we were able to postpone for Grand Jury is for 4/19/2024. Therefore, that is your new date of service. You will be receiving a new summons with the new information."

- D. F.

What's On Deck?

Returning to Your Ethereal Restore Point An excellent vehicle to support anti-aging, finances even wellness rebirth and a return to splendor! 💸🏦🌠

Join us on our continuing voyage to navigate the unusual, the different and the deepest changes!

The Fish Market

Shop The Prosperity Collection Shop the Body, Mind and Spirit Collection Shop the Improve Your Life Collection

Browse over 45 Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

The 5 Anchors Energy Process The Purple Rain Energy Process The Magical Golden Key Process TheNight Passage Sleep Process

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Use PayPal for subscription Click here

Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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thunderheadfred · 3 years

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❄️Todoroki HC's🔥

Aged-up pro hero Shouto. NSFW under the cut. Minors do not interact.

- - -

General

Might as well be tied with Bakugou for the #1 pro hero spot; they seem to pass the crown back and forth every other year. Everyone knows about their intense frenemies uber-rivalry. Well. Everyone but Shouto.

He's asked to speak at a lot of charity events. If he has time to prepare (and hire a speech writer) he is capable of stirring crowds to standing ovations. But if caught unawares... he gets cornered into hilarious on-the-spot interviews. He's been memed. Mercilessly.

He's an OP character, but unfortunately he rolled -500 in fashion sense. Eventually he wises up and hires a stylist. When he finally cuts his hair a slightly different and even more flattering way, it's a national event. People faint in the street.

Does god-awful sleight-of-hand magic tricks when he meets young fans, even though nobody asked him to. The second-hand embarrassment is palpable. But he keeps doing it. God, why does he keep doing it?

Has hovering arm syndrome in every fan photo.

Super into pop music. Not a fan of any particular group or artist, couldn't tell you the name of a single song. But every time he turns up the volume on the radio it's like... really? THIS? Probably pumps that shit through his hero agency to keep up morale. Has no idea what you mean when you tell him his music taste doesn't match his personality.

Similarly, he enjoys brainless romantic comedies and old silent movies. Doesn't laugh at jokes but loses it over physical comedy. Thinks Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd are the funniest people who ever walked the earth.

He's long and limber. Runs practically a hundred miles every day just to "relax." Doesn't even get sweaty doing it. A filthy yoga addict. He'll probably live to be 200 years old.

He can regulate his body temperature for quirk use but in everyday life he's always half a degree outside the Goldilocks zone. It drives him quietly insane; he has an epic love-hate relationship with his thermostat.

Has a therapy animal pet. Doesn't matter if it's a dog or a cat or a bird or an iguana or a teeny tiny rodent. It's the best-behaved animal in the country and speaks more languages than you. It has its own room and an instagram account with millions of followers.

Lives in a traditional Japanese estate that doubles as a national treasure. Probably has government-appointed snipers at the gate, and he's just like, "don't worry about it." You are afraid to touch anything. Fuck, don't even look at anything, just to be safe.

Has an outstanding personal chef who only gets to cook five things unless (thank fuck!!) company comes over. Impossibly picky eater. He rotates between a few "safe" foods and suspiciously side-eyes everything else. If you cook something unfamiliar for him it will be the most awkward meal of your life, because he'd never tell you he doesn't like it. But oh lord, just look at his face.

This clashes directly with his love of traveling. Frequently uses his hero earnings to visit exotic foreign locales over long weekends... but rarely tries the food.

- - -

Dating

A grey-ace demisexual disaster. You could count the number of people he's been attracted to on one hand. He falls madly in love every time and always gets his heart smashed to pieces when his crush can't magically intuit the meaning of his frigid longing glances and generically courteous romantic gestures.

Which is stupid, because he gets propositioned constantly. He can't walk out the door without being flirted with. People keep slipping him their phone numbers and he always directs them to his agency like a moron. It's a good thing he will never understand how attractive he is because that's the only thing keeping him from total world domination.

Conventional attractiveness does not compute. Shouto doesn't have a type, doesn't care that he's an eleven whilst you are merely mortal. He will fall for your personality above all else.

Probably falls head over heels because your schedules overlap in a completely ordinary way and he witnesses you doing something endearing or brave or most likely: utterly mundane.

Pick a favorite, because you're his favorite coworker, or his favorite barista, or his favorite random bystander in line at the grocery store. You made him smile once; then he spent the next three months daydreaming about your future together before you accidentally stomped on his foot, initiating your first real conversation.

He's big on healthy communication. HUGE. He goes to therapy and it shows. Will talk through literally everything to the point of delirium. Sometimes his dedication to resolving every issue right away can get overwhelming; sometimes you just need some frickin time alone. But it pays off, because the two of you have practically never have a "real fight." There's just no way for bad vibes to fester.

STILL, his family wasn't exactly... erm... verbally or emotionally supportive, shall we say. For that reason, he might not give you all the compliments you deserve, because it simply doesn't occur to him to do so. He assumes you know how he feels. If you're self-conscious or insecure in the relationship, it might take him a while to notice. But when he figures it out (or even better, when you tell him directly) he will make it up to you with enthusiasm.

Will take you on lavish dates. Spoils you rotten without actually intending to. He's clueless about money. If you wanted a sugar daddy, you just hit the fucking jackpot. But if the word valet makes you uncomfortable, perhaps suggest some romantic picnics instead. He can still go all out with the food and five-star location without making you see cartoon dollar signs.

Chronic Insomniac. Stays up too late watching YouTube every night. His viewing history is an incomprehensible blur of k-pop music videos, serial killer icebergs, and super girly crafty ASMR channels. When he's watching a video, he is unreachable. Please call back later and try again.

He's disgustingly cute when he sleeps. Doesn't snore, but drools. Sometimes the drool freezes and leaves frost trails on his face in the morning. Still sleeps with the giant stuffed cat pillow that his mother gave him when he was like, zero. He'll inadvertently suffocate you with it, and you will welcome death with open arms because awwwwww!!!!!

The first time he tells you he loves you will be after your traditional Japanese shinto wedding. You won't hear it again until you start a family. Honestly, it's a good thing he doesn't say it often and is always holding you when it happens. It's a knee-buckler.

- - -

Icy-Hot

I don't even need to say it. Shouto is as old-fashioned as they come. You will never open another door or pull out another chair for yourself as long as you live. He will ask before he holds your hand. He will ask before he kisses you. He will stop and check in if you so much as breathe funny during sex.

If you don't orgasm at exactly the same time while staring into one another's eyes, he'll consider himself a failed lover. God forbid you want him to pound you into the futon... cause you are going to have to present that scenario to him in writing first.

Physical intimacy rarely leads to sex. He loves cuddling, craves physical affection. He'll sprawl all over you and turn into goo while you hold him close. He's an amazing, astounding, phenomenally good kisser. And that's... nice and all... but sometimes you have to grab his face and say, "Shouto, I'm horny," before he's like so that's why you're currently dry-humping me?

Even if he isn't technically a virgin the first time (or the millionth time) you sleep together, you won't know the difference. He's a blushing violet. Every. Fucking. Time. This doesn't mean he's a bad lay, oh no. But there's always ten minutes of confused bumbling before he hits his stride and remembers oh yeah, I DO know how to fuck good.

Absolutely silent during sex. Focused. Intense. Sometimes you have to push him a little to make any kind of noise at all, just so you know you're pleasing him (oh don't worry, you are).

His cock is Just Right. Not to big or too small. Perfectly proportioned and symmetrical. Somehow pretty. Like a fucking factory prototype. It truly is not fair.

Gets handsy and restless at night, even if you both have work the next day. Seems to crave sex at three in the morning. You've given him more than one exhausted handjob.

Gets offended if you don't cum. Will go down on you for hours. Of course he uses his quirk to tease you. He doesn't typically use it during actual intercourse, but he's all about foreplay, and he'll use every tool in his arsenal.

His sex drive is completely fucking unpredictable. Sometimes he's all over you, other times he's an icy slab. His line of work leaves him busy and stressed on a near-constant basis, so you can't entirely blame his personality for this one. Just give him some time and help him take care of his basic needs. He'll come back around soon enough.

#todoroki shouto #todoroki x you #todoroki x reader #todoroki x y/n #gender neutral reader #todoroki headcanons #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #smut #fred writes #bnha #mha

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gender-i-hardly-know-er · 2 years

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I wrote a tiny thing based on Passing Through (Can’t the Future Just Wait) by Kaden MacKay bc that’s the only song I can listen to rn for some reason

kinda a vent fic ig idk

Can't the future just wait?

Logan cursed the thought as it came through. The future is everything. It has to be. What are plans for, if not? Were all of his efforts in vain?

Can't the deadlines come fashionably late?

Deadlines he set. He was bringing this on himself.

I could push every goal back, take control back-

No. It wasn’t him. He did his job; Thomas just never listens. If he could just gain ground, something, anything!

-if they’d roll back the rate at which time starts to fly.

He missed school. He was in control then. Thomas listened to him then. They had concrete plans, practical goals, none of this loose nonexistent schedule bullshit. Everything seemed to go so fast.

Never landing or standing by, never taking a break.

Thomas’s life might as well be a whole long break at this point. Breaks are healthy, yes, but there’s a difference between taking a break and procrastinating. Not even trying to finish things on time, focusing on new ideas, new relationships, forgetting about what they’re supposed to be making, posting, filming. That was what was happening here.

Ever making me retry…

He couldn’t take it anymore. Making a bit of progress, only to halt because Roman had a new idea and figuratively ran with it. Because Patton can't deal with his feelings about things changing in the mindscape. Because Janus insists on constant breaks (again, good to a point, but this was excessive and detrimental to production). Because Remus decides to mess with Thomas just as he starts working again, and Thomas seems to forget everything Logan ever taught him about intrusive thoughts. Because Virgil is worried about making everything perfect, audience perception, not finishing on time, extra random irrational bullshit, slowing everything down. Because Thomas meets some stupid boy.

…If the future is bright, it doesn’t shine with that “end of the tunnel” light; more like a deer in the headlights, sudden red lights, or “you’re dead” lights as the anglerfish bite.

If they continue like this, Thomas will figuratively crash and burn. Logan can't see a future where Thomas stays as popular as he’s been thus far… People fall out of public favor quickly, unexpectedly, unforeseeably. They’d known that YouTube would be an unstable career, but they weren’t doing anything to help themselves. Eventually… people will stop caring. It’s inevitable. If you stop making the content you’re known for, your most popular series, with the promise of new episodes never delivered, your audience won't stay. That’s how it works. Then, money would get tight, they’d have to find a new job, but they couldn’t really go down the chemical engineering path anymore, they let that opportunity go a long time ago and- He was sounding like Virgil now. His concerns were legitimate, though! That’s why they were so terrifying.

It’s not fair. The past is clear, but it’s clear back there.

The decisions they should have made are obvious now. But what could they do about them now? Hindsight is the cruellest trick of time.

What’s ahead? No one knows. But it’s closing in, we swear.

Now, Logan couldn’t have a clear picture of the future. They chose a tumultuous career path (against his advice, as always). They had no schedules. No plans. The future would have to figuratively come and smack them in the face soon, and wouldn’t be pretty.

Still not in my prime, I have so much to do, but maybe it’s time to let time pass through.

They’d wasted so much time. Taking nothing valuable from it, getting nothing done, letting it pass them by without thinking. They had to use the time they had. Otherwise… What were they even doing?

I can't just rewrite decisions when life gets strange. Should I go with my gut on which door I should shut? I’m unsure: I’d keep exploring this rut, but what good is time without change?

What was he doing? Why was he sitting there, complaining, when he should be doing things? The past has to stay the past, they did what they did, and there was no changing it. He had to work with what he had. He was wasting time lamenting about wasting time! Nothing was changing, letting time pass by.

Move on. ‘Cause these things never last. Just move on! ‘Cause it goes too fast, and the past is passed, so move on…

Right. No use fretting about the things he should have done. He could do things now.

…Why are we still spending so much time dreading our lives instead of living them?

The future was coming, whether they liked it or not. So, why don’t they just live in the present? The future would slowly become the present, becoming the past. So, they should stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong later, start thinking about what they can do now!

We may never know why time is always in limited supply, but we’ll live to regret it if we get it and then let it slip by. It can never rewind. Once you’ve lost it, it’s hard to find; Take the journey in stride when your plans have been sidelined.

No one makes it out of this life alive. No matter what, they could never infinitely extend their time on this earth. They had one shot at every minute, and those minutes tick past with no regard for their plans, their aspirations, their feelings. So they had to keep going. Using their minutes to the best of their ability, not cursing themselves when they accidentally waste one, just moving on.

Every hourly chime could begin something new…

So maybe it’s time to let time pass through.

Not passing by,

Just passing through, till the well runs dry.

Just passing through…

That’s all anyone can do.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #vent fic #song fic #idk what this is man

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andiinaraethtash · 2 years

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ask game; 5, 13, 26, 32, 47, 51, 68 and 79! (random)

5. How many wips do you have? What fandoms/pairings are they for?

Okay, so I have eight-ish. Which may not seem like much but they are all multichapter fics, and most of them are Star Wars (which was my main fandom before mcyt stuff came and ruined me) but I have two Empires fanfics in the works: Can't Escape the Fallout (which is still in progress, so it counts) and one I'm tentatively calling: I'd Make a Deal with God (And Get Him to Swap Our Places). None of them are based on any pairings romantically, though.

13. Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

I can't write without music in the background. Recently, I've been listening to "Chill Instrumental Pop Music" so it's something familiar but I don't get distracted by lyrics.

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

I told @pacificseaotter (sorry about the tag) this, but I'll say it again: the self-discipline involved. My gosh, it is so hard to meet self-imposed deadlines and hold to schedules. It royally sucks.

32. Do you take fic requests? Why or why not?

Not... really? I'll occasionally ask my readers what they think could or should happen to get inspiration, but I don't write something specifically because someone asked me to. (Most of the time, anyway. If one of my mutuals asked me to write something in a universe I'm familiar with with characters I know and love, and pairings I support, then I might. Maybe.)

But I don't because of why I write. I write because I want to tell these stories. If someone asked me to write a random story, I'd have next to no motivation to finish it, because it isn't a story I've dreamed about reading and telling. Sure, if they ask me for a fic that captures my imagination and let me go wild with the prompt I might, but most of the time they're looking for one specific fic that isn't going to turn out the way they want it if they let me take the prompt and run.

47. Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

Nope! My main tropes to this point in my writing... is it a career if I'm not making money? Anyway, at this point in my life, I've written mostly two tropes: fake character death and time-travel fix-its. Neither of which I'm sick of, because both can cause great stories to unfold and major angst to ensue.

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

A bit, mostly in that I like to read the occasional domestic fluff, but I can't write that without feeling incredibly bored. but otherwise, nope!

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

Oh, there are tons. Dominoes by @meridiansdominoes (or meridianpony over on ao3) influenced my biggest work to date, my Young Enough to Try series, but currently my writing style takes a lot after @goldkirk and their series Latchkey. Those are the main two, but I absorb a bit from every fic I read.

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

Again, pacificseaotter actually asked me this before, but I'm happy to repeat myself: find the character's voice before you try writing them. Figure out what they sound like, their typical vocabulary, their accent, their inflections, and you'll have a much easier time with both their internal monologue and their actual dialogue! (Most other advice I've disregarded at some point or another, so that's the only one I feel comfortable sharing because it's the only one I really follow.)

Thank you so much for the ask! Which reminds me, I need to find which of the asks I want to send you, so look forward to that in the future!

#ask #ask game #answered ask

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ultimatetrashgoblin · 3 years

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Blaire Reviews: Arin Season 1

Disclaimer: This is all my opinion, you are allowed to disagree with me. I encourage you to read this route and form your own opinions.

First Impressions

I was in love with Arin ever since I first saw them in Nora’s route. This is a route that I (and I’m sure many others) have been waiting for after nearly a year, and it surpassed all of my expectations.

We're thrown into the action in the first episode with the introduction of the jabberwocky. Arin reveals to FMC their role as the Guardian, the magic library, and the secrets within it that they have to protect. They put the jabberwocky back in its pen, where Arin realizes that the lock had been tampered with.

Due to Arin's busy schedule, they leave FMC in charge of watching over the library. They give her some rules to follow, one of which being to never open the books. But as FMC was walking around, she was hit on the head, knocking some books over. When FMC opened her eyes, she was met with some very familiar faces.

Now that Nora, Lucas, and Ezra are here, FMC and Arin have to help them blend in at the university. This leads to FMC's brilliant idea to pretend they were advertising the school's Renaissance Fair.

This entire scene had me cackling, I love this trio.

It was sad to see Arin being the one to apologize for the trio being stuck in the world, considering that it wasn't their fault in any way. They feel so much pressure to make everyone happy, and blame themself for not being able to fix everything. (My poor baby 🥺)

Arin and FMC manage to convince MMC to let the trio stay at the lighthouse without him finding out about magic. FMC tries to apologize to Arin for the books, but they tell her not to worry about it, which leads to what is possibly my favorite scene of the season!

Marrymemarrymemarryme-

After that beautiful moment (ILOVETHEMSOMUCHAHHHH), FMC and Arin do some research in the garden with the jabberwocky (am I the only one who wishes they would give it a name? I think it would be cute). While there, Ezra comes in, telling them that there is an issue with Nora.

Arin decides to let the jabberwocky stay in the garden (I'm sure that won't have any consequences later on), and the three of them go into a classroom to find Nora trying to calm a wind spell. Arin leaves suddenly, only to come back with Omar, who is revealed to be Aladdin. Again, plot points being revealed earlier in Arin's route than in others. Speaking of which, we also get hints of the memory spell earlier on.

As for the Jabberwocky, leaving it out of its pen might not have been the best option. It ends up inside of the lighthouse, attracted by the smell of the stew Nora was making. After managing to calm it down and returning it to its pen, FMC notices Jackie looking at them through the window. She comes up with a random excuse and leaves, which is not suspicious whatsoever.

The next morning, there is a gift basket on the table, and MMC drinks a small bottle of milk with "drink me" on the label and starts growing.

There is a slight possibility that he might know about the magic now.

Arin is able to get MMC back to normal, and explains everything to him. The group goes to the magic library, and Arin tells FMC that they need their help with something important. They go to their room where they reveal:

So they had to swallow a seed from one of the whitethorn trees to gain their abilities. But are they implying that the trees rotting is killing them? It could lead to some interesting conflict, but at the same time, I don't want them to be in pain. They've already been through enough.

In order to help the trees, Arin and FMC summon the woodsman, which is the third route so far that Abel has made an appearance in. And once again, it's implied that there might be a route for him with MMC in the future.

FMC and Arin go to feed the jabberwocky, only to realize that the lock has been broken, the jabberwocky was gone, and the scones from the gift basket were on the ground. Arin was able to figure out where the culprit might be, and they and FMC were shocked (somehow) that it was Jackie.

She reveals that she was trying to steal a jabberwocky for the Red Queen, and Abel recognizes her as the Knave of Hearts. Arin gets angry with her, telling her that she has to stay at the university if she doesn't want to get into more trouble with them.

FMC offers to help Arin with research, but after a small intimate interaction, Arin seems to panic and tells her not to worry about it. FMC relents but sees a letter with Arin's name on it that they missed.

Final Thoughts

I love love LOVED this season! Arin was incredible, the writing was beautiful, the plot was intriguing, and it's so exciting to see how everything plays out.

It seems like The Brothers Grimm are going to play a bigger part in the plot later on. I'm still worried about how the trees rotting might affect Arin, but now that Abel's here, things will hopefully improve.

I'm probably definitely biased when I say this, but this season was absolutely perfect, and I can't wait for season 2!

Overall Rating: 10/10

Favorite CG:

#blaire reviews #arin langdon #ever after academy #I love them so much-

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

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Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-One [PT. 2]

Words: 2.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of domestic abuse

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"Your little one is here as of right now." Dr. Telille says, pointing to a very little area to the far side of my womb and I smile before she switches the focus slightly and then looks at the screen with a slightly odd look before flipping through my chart. "At your previous Obstetrician, did they mention any abnormalities?" She asks me.

"No." I shake my head.

"You said in your history you've had recurrent miscarriages?" She asks next.

"Yes."

"Okay, Mrs. Sixx, don't be alarmed by this because there is a solution but this," she turns the screen to me again, pointing at a shadow in the picture that looks like it's creating bunny ears or something. "Is a layer of tissue that's not supposed to be there. It halts fetal growth, and ultimately causes miscarriages, often times even before a fetus is interacting with the tissue itself, physically." She informs me and I feel like my chest is throbbing from how hard my heart is beating. "The good news is that we can fix this, I've had to do a few surgeries like this before--we can go in and cut that tissue out without disturbing your baby, but we will need to have it done within the next week--two weeks at the most." She explains and I raise my brows.

"What's my chance of carrying out my pregnancy to term without the surgery?" I ask, trying to stay calm.

"With a successful surgery, there is a 80% chance of you carrying it to term, and a higher chance at not facing as many pregnancy difficulties in the future like you've had previously. Without the surgery, with your history, it's very, very probable that you won't get to four months without miscarrying--if that far." She adds.

"What's the risk of this surgery causing complications?" I ask next.

"30%." She replies and I breathe out. "You don't have to make a decision today, you can go home and think about it and talk about it with the father but we need to get it scheduled in the next few days."

"Um, o-okay…" I rub my lips together.

"And if you are interested in the surgery, we can go ahead and send it in and see if insurance will cover it." She assures me.

"I don't have maternity insurance right now." I tell her and she looks at me uneasily.

"No worries, we can figure the costs out after you decide if you want it or not." She tells me, calmly, and I just nod.

I numbed myself. I would've been freaking out, having a meltdown, begging God to spare my damn baby for once...but as soon as she started in on what was wrong with me, the negative outcomes...I flicked the switch in my brain and just let myself feel absolutely nothing as best as I could. My nervousness was relief compared to blatant breakdown mode that I knew would hit inevitably.

And how the hell did I tell Duff and Nikki that I was going to need surgery that could potentially terminate my pregnancy--or suffer what I'd suffered before and still lose a baby? Oh, right. I didn't. At least, not as soon as I probably should have.

When I get to my new little house I'm renting with my savings, Duff's sitting on the little porch, drinking a beer.

"How'd it go?" He asks me, standing up as I unlock the door.

He couldn't go with me this time because he had to go look at a couple houses with Mandy, which I understand because they had already canceled once with a real-estate agent and would get charged extra if they missed another appointment.

"Good." I lie, clearing my throat.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Whisky's barking at us until he realizes it's me, and then he won't get out from under my feet until I pat him on the head.

"I need to finish unpacking." I say before Duff can ask anymore questions.

"Well, it's your lucky day because I know how to unpack." He states, grinning.

I go change into pajamas and when I get back, he's pulling pictures from one of the boxes, neatly placing them on the coffee table in the living room and I pick them up and start figuring out where to put them.

"So, my family really wants me to bring you up." He says, optimistically. "I was thinking leave Sunday and come back next Saturday."

"...Duff, I can't just up and leave right now. I have to finish unpacking, and I'm gonna be meeting with Nikki once a week and then him and the guys once a week so that's two different…" I trail off as he cuts open another one of my packed boxes with his pocket knife, a look of disappointment on his face. "...It's not that I don't want to, you know. I just have a lot going on right now."

"We'd just be gone for a week." He says, looking at me. "It's the only time off I have for a while since we're doing a few shows in New York and Europe." He adds. "And I really want my family to know you, kinda, before you have the baby."

"I don't know." I hesitantly tell him and he licks his lips. "I don't know, Duff, okay? I just...ughhh." I groan, raking my hands through my hair.

"If you don't want to meet my family then don't worry about it, Vivian." He says it a little passive aggressively and I raise my brows.

"'Vivian'? Since when the hell am I 'Vivian'?" I ask, mimicking his tone.

"That's your name isn't it?" He asks next and I cross my arms.

"You usually call me 'Viv', or...something…"

"Well, I'm not calling you, 'babe,' or, 'baby,' since we aren't dating anymore so…"

"You're being a dick."

"I'm not being a dick. I'm just family oriented and I want my family to know you and our kid and you're making up excuses to not go and meet them."

"Excuse me for not wanting to be judged." I snap back.

"They're not fucking judgemental."

"Oh, so you're cussing at me now, too, huh?"

"Quit trying to start an argument." He tells me.

"I'm not starting an argument, I'm making a valid point."

"You're making an assumption." He corrects me. "My family isn't judgemental. They're really not. I don't even think they're worried with the fact that you were married when we got together because they haven't said a word about it. They just want to meet you."

"Matt didn't seem so cool about it." I mumble.

"Matt was trying to keep both of us out of trouble." He explains. "He wasn't judging you. He just doesn't like drama and if we would've gotten caught he knew it'd just be a bunch of bullshit we'd have to get thrown at us."

I just stare at him.

"And I'm sorry for cussing at you, but I'm trying to be positive about all of this and I really don't want you to start bringing in your negativity." He exhales.

"My negativity?" I raise my brows, laughing humorlessly.

"Please, just come to Seattle with me next Sunday. I promise it'll be fun and my family's fun, they don't mean any harm by wanting you to come up and visit--they're already talking about planning a trip when it's born to be here for you and me both for a few days." He adds.

I think about it, seeing his eyes glint a little as he slowly smiles at me like a hopeful puppy.

"Okay." I relent and he puts his hands above his head, folding them together, letting out a loud, "Hallelujah!" and I roll my eyes, trying to hold back a chuckle.

The truth is, I don't want to leave Nikki stewing that long after revealing to him my miscarriages. He never came back when he left the therapy session yesterday, and I was supposed to go back today but decided I needed another day to just think about everything, but because of Amber's schedule, we won't be able to get back in the same room together--aside from me just visiting him--until next Wednesday...but with Duff wanting to leave Sunday and come back that Saturday, I won't be able to meet then, either. A part of me isn't even sorry that I won't make it since the morale of Nikki's story is that he married a maestro of manipulation that can play victim like no other but is really an evil bitch who loves to make people suffer.

I gathered that after reading:

"I married a fucking demon."

"Vivian climbed from hell just to neuter me."

"My wife's a fucking lunatic."

"I sometimes think Vivian's waiting for me to die so she can get the money."

"I hate her."

"I don't know what's killing me faster: my looney wife, or smack. Doesn't matter--they're both my drug of choice."

"If she didn't know how to fuck I would've already left her."

"She flushed every bit of what Jason dropped off last night. Cost me a couple grand. I'm so pissed, if I knew she wouldn't beat the shit out of me and go batshit-ballistic, I'd lay her out on the fucking floor. I'm sure it'd be like foreplay in her sick mind, anyway."

"I swear she cums every time she belittles me."

And, my personal favorite:

"Just woke up from a fucking nightmare. I was fucking around with Vivian and Vanity and once they got their satisfaction they started eating me alive while talking about their love for God. Even with them gnawing on me alive with their shark-like teeth and their completely black eyes, stripping flesh from my bone and going at it like a fucking pork chop, I was turned on. But as soon as they started about God, how good and wonderful he was, that's when I started panicking a little that I OD'd without realizing it and was in hell or some fucking incarnation of it. I see now that's how they both got me, being hot and knowing exactly what to do to get me going. And now they're both sucking the life out of me, eating me alive, while praying to their God and acting like they're blameless in my destruction. CHICKS = TROUBLE."

At least we both agree that we married demons.

It was strange for me to realize how he saw me--well, how Sikki saw me. Once I was able to differentiate between the two of them, it hurt less reading what he'd write about me. It was just confusing.

One page would be an entire rant (with unflattering, random song lyrics to match) about something I did that pissed him off--sometimes things I wouldn't even realize I did to make him upset and then the next page would be decently positive things about me that he'd profess after waking up sort of sober…

I knew he felt guilty about how he treated me, most of the entries from the end of '83 to '87 had "I'm an asshole" or "I really fucked up" or some version of it in them but the deeper into '87 he got, the less and less apologetic he got. Both in real time and his dairies.

Despite the black and white of his diaries, one thing still lingered in the grey area…

I stare at the little TV on my dresser, bowl of captain crunch in hand as I stuff my face while flipping channels, Whisky gnawing on his chew toy as a flickering, fuzzy and static blaring familiar face flashes across the screen as I turn to the next channel. My heart stops for a moment, my finger immediately going back, the screen and audio clearing as I see her.

Clear eyed and competent. A far removal from what I last saw of her with her gnashing teeth and tortured eyes, spewing at Nikki and I both before he and her got into a fight that left her dragged down the stairs of our old house...guilt tugs at me, remembering the look on her face, the pain, the hurt...perhaps she felt as bad as I did about the situation.

He was the one telling her he was going to leave me and marry her, after all. My feury swallowed him before it ever thought about swallowing her.

"...I'm currently looking at other scripts for other films." She replies very calm and composed to whatever question her interviewer was asking...I'm assuming this is part of her press run for her new movie coming out.

"If you could write a ticket for yourself, Vanity, what would it be?" The woman asks next and she furrows her brows, slightly.

"Write a ticket? To go somewhere?"

"No, write a ticket for the rest of your life, and your career. Just everything about your life." She explains.

"Ohhh," She thinks a moment before shaking her head slightly. "I wouldn't want to do that, actually, because, um, everytime I turn around something new's happening. I'm a very spontaneous person. I just like to get up and go, and I've been doing that since I was fifteen...so, um, I couldn't say I'd like to write that ticket." She chuckles a little, but not the crack-cackle I was used to seeing in her past interviews.

She's actually sober here.

"I just wanna go wherever life takes me." She continues.

"What you're saying then, is, you couldn't write a ticket because what you would write wouldn't be as good as what could happen?"

"No, I don't--"

"--No?"

"No, I don't think that, I'm not saying that at all. I feel that I have certain goals in my life. Very big, big, dreams that I set for myself. But I wouldn't wanna, um, question God's way about where he's going with me." She states. "That's just...not me."

"If you could go back and change anything--"

"--Nothing." Vanity says, biting her lip nervously, shaking her head.

"Any of the decisions?"

"Nothing."

"Wouldn't change a thing?"

"Nothing." She buckles down on it and I feel my eyes gloss over. "Wouldn't change a thing…" she trails off, thinking for a second. "...Can't say that I would." She adds, softly. "Because each time that I've done something, whether it be a mistake in my life, it's always...what you might call a mistake in my life is never a mistake to me. It was a definite meant to be and it was a definite learning process. So all the pain and all the glory...I wouldn't change a thing."

She's so unapologetically sincere.

I cut the TV off as they start closing out the interview, and toss the remote across the room, losing my appetite and putting my bowl on my nightstand before I allow myself to replay what she just said.

And I cry, not because she was in a relationship with him, not because she tried to steal him from me...I cry because I regret everything. I regret marrying Nikki. I regret meeting Duff. I regret getting pegnant.

I'm not angry at her.

I envy her.

#nikki sixx #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

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tamespace · 6 years

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My Real Beef with Minimalism: I Can't Really Afford It

I few weeks ago, I watched the documentary on Netflix called Minimalism. I held off on watching it for a while because I've felt ambivalent about the minimalist lifestyle trend for a few years now.

That might be strange to people since I am a personal organizer and people embracing minimalism would make my job easier and perhaps obsolete. I'm ok with both of options, which I realize the latter is an unusual standpoint to have on one's job, but more on that later.

What bothers me about minimalism? I didn't know for a long time, though I thought about it often, turning the idea over and over in my head. Wondering why it simply never sat right with me.

I've written about lifestyle minimalism here, here and here, but in previous posts I've just dealt with it in an affable, informative way.

Then a random conspiring of posts on Twitter yesterday helped dislodge the cause of my discomfort with minimalism.

I saw this Reductress Post:

I had a blog post on Minimalism from 2013, just when Reductress was founded, going something like this:

Minimalist Lifestyle Trend

The popular Minimalists, Becker and Nicodemus, were on NPR a few years ago. I was loading the dishwasher while listening and towards the end of their talk they agreed to take listener calls. The calls were, without exception, from women asking about how to clear out the clutter in kids rooms.

The allure of capsule wardrobes, Japanese organizers and other modern notions seems irresistible in a culture that has a billion dollar storage industry. We have a real appetite for buying things and now a matching appetite for storing.

I have watched the growing movement of minimalism ( aka downsizing, down shifting, simplicity, simple living) throughout the world. In architecture, design, futuristic movies and idealized in thousands of photographs on shelter sites.

The pull, for me, is strong. I love it but I do not think it is the answer for many. In fact minimalism has a following largely in the upper percentage of earners, such that it seems only the wealthy can truly achieve it.

It is difficult to achieve because our society is set up to be grand consumers but we have also inherited a rightful guilt about throwing things away from our parents and grandparents.

Then during my writing group last Wednesday, I read a draft from my book, Tame Space, on Minimalism and the the Simple Living Movement (you'd be right to think they were the same, but they are only similar, for reasons explained in my book). One writing pal said she agreed, that living minimalist seemed to have an elite quality to it that many who struggle with paying rent could probably not appreciate. Another writing pal said they didn't think it was elitist but that it pointed to a need for an individual to find a set point for themselves, and that for some the set point was minimalist and others maximalist. I agreed with both ideas, though more strongly that it feels elitist but didn't know how to explain it in the moment.

Then I happened to stumble upon Kristin Wong's post on the movie Minimalism on Netflix and this from her site:

While I relate to minimalism on an aesthetic level (and even on a Buddhist level to some extent), something about the trend toward minimalism is unsettling. It seems problematic, at least in the current state of our economy, to push the virtue of minimalism in terms of wealth. Despite being overshadowed by more pressing headlines, income inequality hasn’t gotten any better. The average income of the top 10% of Americans is upwards of $200k and the top 1% earn over six million a year. But the vast majority–90% of people–make an average of $33,000 a year.

And there it is. $33,000 a year for the majority of people. I had a quiet aha moment. Sometimes, living with less isn't a clarion call to the good life. Sometimes, it's just less stuff because we have less money.

Can you imagine for a moment, living paycheck to paycheck for most of your life and worrying about paying for new shoes for your kid and living on a daily diet of painkillers because you can't afford to see the dentist because your car needs repairs asap - imagine that and hearing about two single guys who were making six figure salaries and walking away from it because they realized they'd rather be fiction writers and live with less stuff?

If you can't imagine, read Linda Turado's Hand to Mouth. She wrote an essay on Gawker on being poor and a defense of some of the things that poor folks find they are judged for in the media and in politics. The essay was so popular Penguin asked her to write a book. It reminded me a bit of Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich (Hand to Mouth by Paul Auster is also good too but labeled fiction) both should be required reading for everyone but definitely for the upper crust who would then tout minimalism less as a great achievement and more as the antidote to their particular kind of moneyed malaise.

In Linda Turado's world, I'd be pretty bitter for a moment about the Minimalist trend (can I have the houseful of nice stuff that you just gave away?) before I had to get back to worrying about how to get new shoes for my kid. Of course, I don't dislike the Minimalists, I'm happy for anyone courageous enough to walk away from financial security to find true bliss and to make a living sharing their method. I like many of their posts on simple living and letting go of things, like this and this. I reserve my bitterness for many other things life has presented. Like aging, or the current political climate, or people who don't pick up their dog's poop. Bitterness is the contrasting flavor to my sweet optimism that doing what I love - helping people - will someday pay off. Pay off enough to cover basic needs and save for retirement, of course. It currently doesn't.

I do find their repeated message of minimalism as THE answer to be grating as I struggle to live in NYC. It's expensive to live here, but I can't think of leaving, I love it here. I'm proud of my work here. My husband can make his living only here as a publicist for theater and dance. But I know financially I wouldn't cut it in NYC with two kids if something happened to my partner. He's got the health insurance benefits and a living wage.

I, too, am living the dream of pursuing meaningful work. But if I decide to live minimalist and get rid of excess to barest extreme, I may not have the old macbook that I could upgrade if my current laptop broke or was stolen. I live mostly by my work principles - don't keep what you don't use - but sometimes you have to, you want to, because you are afraid of not being able to buy another. I am afraid to be minimalist because I live largely hand to mouth.

In case it doesn't seem apparent, the seeming luxury of my career choice was driven by sheer necessity: big time gap in my resume meant I could not find work in marketing after 8 years of staying at home with the kids. Also, marketing changed immensely from 2003 to 2013. I no longer had a professional network to help onramp into the working world. Frustrated and clinically depressed, I founded Tame Space in late 2011 after realizing I needed to instantly create a business that spoke to my best skills (organizing and working with people one on one), gave me a flexible schedule to spend time with my kids and allowed me some creative outlet (this blog).

I share the gist of my personal financial situation because that's the reason I've never been able to jump on the Minimalism bandwagon. My finances are too minimalist to play fast and loose with the idea of having very little in my home. If I ever have the luxury, like some of my clients, to unload bags of designer clothes to my housekeeper and design my own minimalist apartment in Brooklyn and have loads of money socked away for retirement and the kids' college tuition, maybe I could stand to let go of everything. Or maybe not, since the feeling of scarcity is sometimes a specter that lives only in your mind and disregards how much money you actually have in your bank account.

I think of my parents and many of my clients and how the feeling of scarcity (whether it's true or not in their situation) is enough to trigger holding tendencies. I say holding because they are not hoarding and forgetting about things in the dark corners of a Collyer brothers home, but are waiting for some feared future time when they may need this extra set of shoes or the old laptop or those glass mason jars or the french yogurt maker.

I hope that one day I can feel unfettered by fear of not being able to buy something I once had and discarded. Until then, I can only see lifestyle minimalism as a delightful path to fulfilled living for the segment of the population who could easily replace anything they once thought they could live without.

In a perfect world, a person considering Minimalism might give their entire household of things to a family who had just left temporary homeless shelter and needed good quality household items and clothes. And hopefully, they'd never need to look back.

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