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#school just isnt for me this year
dykestriders · 13 hours
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camping filler arc means new outfits so says me
made for my dave & my girlfriends karkat because theyre going together and semi-matching (badly)
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reminders of the passage of time moodeboard
#my blog is in his last year of middle school. he'll be off to high school next year (at least I think so..? 13 yrs old is usually 8th grade#at least from my experience. 9th graders are usually 14. 10th are 15. etc. etc. and then you're in 12th grade#and graduate high school usually 17yrs old.) ANYWAY.. wow he is so ancient..#maybe he's still in a preteeny early teen emo phase or something.. I hope he gets some black and white striped armwarmers and black eyeline#r for his birthday. Maybe an MP3 player of course. Though because I don't really like most alternative music and he is my son he's actually#not allowed to listen to metal or pop punk or emo rock whatever stuff. I open the mp3 player and pre-stock it with only#disco and funk and classical music. he can have a little chiptune or techno stuff as a treat (sometimes emo adjacent maybe more#scene. I think a lot of scene kids were into that more.. emo's weird eccentric brother))#Also he starts taking iron pills his 13th birthday because he's probably incredibly anemic just like me#so on and so forth and et cetera (I'm just being silly.. I am not pro-controlling your children down to whatmusic they#listen to or etc.etc. lol)#THOUGH I love that it's in january... january is one of my favorite months if not my favorite. yeeaaay#just such a nice cool month. I like that it's the start of the year mostly and that it's sometimes snowy here. Like where I live nov - dec#isnt really actually snowy?? You always associate those winter Months with snow but I think snow happens later on this coast#so it's more like Jan - March or even april sometimes. Though that may just be climate change lol.. But it's cool that Jan is winter AND#ACTUALLY snowy. plus the Beginning Of Year vibes and energy.. hrm... nice nice.. ANYWAY#AND this is not even my first tumblr blog. I had a different one before it I think..#evviilll to be on one website for so long lol.. Very thankful that most websites I used to use as a 10 year old or whatever#are now defunct. There's something weird about how humans are just creating endless streams of words and pictures and all of this stuff#and it just goes out into the void and stays there long after the person themselves has forgotten it. not even like 'oh no what if i said#something bad!!' but more just the general sense of.. people create so much more ideas than they can actually hold in their heads. nobody#remembers exactly word for word every post they've ever made or etc. It's like parts of yourself that you've externalized and then fade awa#from you but they're still you but they're not so you just have little snapshots of yourself in time floating around entirely unbenknownst#to you. like making clones of yourself and then forgetting you did so but every once in a while going 'shit... there's clones out there..#of me and I don't even have track or awareness of them anymore.. what an odd concept..' etc. not EXACTLY like that ghbj..you know what I me#n.. or maybe you dont.. hrmm... ANYWAY#I am just now slightly recovering from my most recent mysterious illness spell and etc. so I would like to post more again and mAYBE even#do a costume if I'm being ambitious.. but after so many times of being randomly stricken by problems I'm now fearful of ever being too#hopeful lol.. always like 'I would like to go to the grocery store tomorrow! .... MAYBE.. if i CAN.. possibly... NOT getting my hopes up'.#etc. etc. etc. every statement has a caveat and a backup plan and so on and so forth and such is life.. anyway. happy birthday evil tumblr
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skunkes · 6 months
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I hooooope i get to have a fun halloween one day ive always either done nothing or had plans cancelled i just wanna dress up and look wacky in public with others... need the right environment and also creative friends to help out bc idk how people come up with or cobble together or pull off their costumes tbh
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doctorwhoisadhd · 4 months
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so wait, since i was just reminded of the recorder thing donna talked about in the giggle, i now have a question for uk ppl: do yall learn the recorder in school? like in a music class? and like how much do yall have music class over there?
#this is a very interesting topic for me as a music educator from the us#ik a guy from ireland and he said there was no music class in schools for him and like not the same country BUT same island#(as northern ireland. not the others in the uk but still)#and its so wild and fascinating music education is a fascinating field and the way we do it in the us seems to be largely vvv unique to us#for clarification on how things are different so ppl have a better idea on how to answer my question lol:#in the us music class is standard in elementary schools and most places have general music until abt 5th/6th grade (year 6/7)#(general music = basics- music games learn recorder SOME notation-reading; often classroom instruments eg boomwhackers claves maracas#orff instruments if you're lucky/from a school district that isnt poor. also some world music)#its less standardized after that and not every school will have music after middle school but concert bands and choirs are both huge here#choirs start right on the heels of general music classes (sometimes start earlier + students elect to be in choir instead of general music)#bands USUALLY start in 4th grade (year 5) but sometimes can be later 5th/6th (year 6/7) or even 7th (year 8) (WAY less common)#depends on the state generally 4th is most common i think (choirs start at around the same time i think so probs 4th but choir isnt my area#orchestras are weird bc theyre a lot less common but can commonly start younger bc of one of the big approaches to music ed (suzuki method)#so like maybe 3rd grade (year 4) maybe 4th w/ band (year 5) but i have a friend who teaches at a private school#& said they have 1st/2nd graders (year 2/3)!! orchestra is also not my area though#also marching bands: vv common! usually just in hs (starting 9th grade / year 10) bc it supports the football team at games#but starting in 8th grade (year 9) is also common (sometimes even 7th / year 8)#theres two different styles: collegiate/show band and competition. former is very rah rah pop music etc; competition is more abstract#show bands are clearly designed to entertain whereas competition is designed to be more impressive and tell a story#so more impact moments abstract shapes/lines on the field and has movements - opener ballad closer (fast-slow-fast)
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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blueberryblogger · 23 days
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just saw someone recycling ye olde "X character doesn't read as Y identity to me, someone who doesn't & has never held that identity & thus am not as intimately familiar with mannerisms, tropes & characterizations that are typically associated with Y identity. There is no evidence for X being Y and you guys are acting insane."
like. do you understand that you are using the EXACT SAME excuse that other people are using to shit on YOUR headcanon that you're so attatched too because it has so much evidence?
did it ever cross your mind that it would probably be harder for you, person who isn't X, to pick up on subtler tropes & identifiers of X that you've never experienced because you aren't X?
like you get how it sounds like you're shitting on other wueer people?
#blocking another god damn fantasy high account that i really liked#because when people say 'theres no evidence for your headcanon' and theyre wrong its bad and tbeyre erasing underrepresented identities#but when YOU say 'theres no evidence for this' you are good and correct and the rest of us are just stupid weirdos#like oh my fucking god bro#if i see one more person who isnt fucking gay say 'erm actually fabian cant be gay he liked girls' im gonna lose it#gay men also experience comphet!#and it's not because he's 'effeminate'#because he really isn't THAT effeminate or flamboyant#he dances and he talks like a rich boy and those are the only two things i can think lf#that make him seem 'effeminate'#but like. dude rides a motorcycle from hell. he fights with a sword and plays football#he punched someone on the first day of school & routinely punches and gets punched by his friends#like. fabian is wildly more stereotypically masculine than he is feminine#most of us think Fabian is gay because up until he took interest in Mazey#he had exclusively expressed interest in girls that were unavailable or unobtainable#his 'type' was literally toxic and/or unavailable women#which SCREAMS comphet to anyone who has fucking experienced it before#'yeah i love women but only the ones i cant have amirite lads'#'classic completely heterosexual man behavior'#anyway#i think its incredibly rude to take people seeing their lived experiences in a character and say 'youre insane bc i dont see it'#especially when YOU YOURSELF have a headcanon that a huge chunk of people cannot understand fully but accept anyway because they get it#because they understand seeing yourself in a character and how important that can be#unlike you#vagueposting#me when i vague for the first time in like 3 years
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melissa-titanium · 4 months
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cool kid in class i want to befriend talked to MEEEEEE im sooooooo happy. im gonna brag to everyone i know about this
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bangcakes · 3 months
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ignorancelive · 3 months
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landlords PLEASE die horrendous fiery deaths why are they literally doubling our rent and getting past rent control by only starting to document our rent prices after the first half of the increase 😐 kill yourself right now
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silenthillbunni · 3 months
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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sharkjumpers · 5 months
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aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)
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i want to compile a list of horror media that people need to watch before they call genloss groundbreaking incredible material. like yall are soooo so deeply entrenched in copium toting this thing around like its the best piece of horror media in the world when like. theres no horror. there has literally been no horror. how are we watching the same thing. go watch gemini home entertainment or marble hornets or daisy brown or unedited footage of a bear or this house has people in it and then come back to me. dont fucking talk to me until youve consumed some horror media thats actually good first!!!!!!!!
#sorry i KNOW i said i wouldnt genloss post too much but it just makes me so fucking angry#as a very very very long term horror enthusiast and aspiring horror creator#i feel fucking insulted every time i see genloss being listed as something incredible . when.#theres no horror or comedy in your horror comedy that was originally advertised for two goddamn years as an arg n then analog horror and th#like. pick a theme. give me literally anything. its so bad. im so angry. and i DONT get angry at media.#i actively try not to grt angry at media and legitimately havent since veryyyy early middle school.#so the fsct that this thing is making me so mad is a huge deal.#anyone who has known me for any number of years knows like. i dont get mad about shit!!!#especiallt shit that doesnt rlly matter like fictional media!!! i dont like to expend the energy on that!!!#so when i say genloss makes me so angry to the point where i was literally#sweaty and out of breath after aster and i got off the phone talking abt it the other day#i need you to understand i am not a hater#like#ughgrrghrggghghh#go fucking watch saw (2004) youll have a much better time than watching whatever bs this is#ranboo makes this big long post about how his project is better than aevery other horror short film#and doesnt deserve to be put on a shelf with the rest of them as if theyre beneath his genius vision#and then gives us this cheap heartless garbage that isnt even unique in its badness.#hes just using ideas from other things but doing it worse!!!!!! theres nothing new!!! theres nothing unique!!!#two years of promotional content and like 5 hours of livestreams and they have not given me a single#character or story beat that is interesting enouhj to care about. you cant have horror without first#giving your audience something to care about and then snatching that thing away from them. urhhggghghghgh#reaction time#genloss neg#genloss crit#sorry. im trying to keep the hater posting to a minimum but im so. exhausted
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bmpmp3 · 3 hours
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fish......
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orbdotexe · 20 hours
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Under pressure and request from both Osiris and Shin Malphur, Drifter seeks out the Young Wolf early in their exile. He's not sure he'd say it went well, but it certainly could've gone much, much worse. And hey; Shin was right, new friends are new friends. Alternatively: Two rogue Guardians play horse plinko with each other before agreeing to an exchange of favors.
I finally did it- A Questionably Fortunate Encounter's rewrite. I have no idea how I got the motivation to finish this, it wasn't even half done when I picked it back up, but here it is in time for TFE's (concept's) 2nd birthday! I am significantly happier with this than the original, you have no idea. It wasn't even a thousand words and now it's like 20 words from being 2k, and overall? Everything just has more character + an extra page of interaction and the end note being from Ghost instead of Drifter. and being accurate to more story details! I kept a lot of the parts i thought were funny tho, if moved them around-
[old ver. ao3] --- [new ver. ao3] (soon)
-
The Sundial. A ballsy idea from a mad warlock.
Knocking a few times on the side, he can’t help the chills down his spine at the whispers ringing in his ears.  “If you short-circuit the universe, you’re on your own.” He snips, his already uneasy grin wavering.
“If I make a mistake here, you might cease to exist,” the old Warlock says simply, though there’s a questioning edge to it.
Drifter only shrugs. “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”
Osiris squints at him as Drifter moves around the machine, checking the stability. “We haven’t talked about payment.” 
Drifter’s grin smooths out some, sly now. “If you live through this little experiment, you can be sure I’ll be back to collect.”
A simple ‘hm’ is the only response he gets for a few seconds, before Osiris starts again.
“There’s a Guardian you should meet.”
“Yeah, yeah, so I’ve heard. Some bigshot—Can’t wait.”
"Drifter."
The Warlock and that old Hunter had their points—The Young Wolf needed people on their side, and it's not like Drifter couldn't use the opportunity. He figured, if worst comes to worst, just say Osiris sent him. It seemed the best bet; he heard the two of them had been on good terms, and Osiris wouldn’t have sent him without reason.
This was, regardless, a horrible idea.
Which was very quickly weighing him down as he waited just inside their most recent hideout; a willing, sitting duck in the path of a hellhound. Then again, Shin would be waiting for him, just the same, to see if he really went through with it. A rock and a hard place, if both were unmovable walls.
Eventually, the Kingbreaker did show up—and they looked pissed—but they didn't seem to quite notice him, yet. 
Their Ghost, on the other hand, had stopped at the door, and was switching between glaring at him, and watching its Guardian. It was a bare hope, but he almost prayed for the Little Light to let the Guardian notice him by themself—for what good it would do.
Drifter had to admit, though, they looked like Hell—In both the shit way and the eternal punishment way—And he'd quite like to keep them from being his punishment, thanks.
They were never in the same place for long, constantly tapping their fingers or wringing their hands. He'd almost call it a nervous habit; if the jerky, almost corpse-twitching movements didn't make him feel like they'd pounce on him at any given moment. It gave the distinct impression of a Taken, a fact he took no comfort in. He had told Shin they would be unpredictable, but recordings didn’t capture just how much.
The Guardian’s posture was rather slumped, in spite of their twitchiness, but he was rather certain he was a pinch taller than them; though it could be their hunch. That dead-eyed and bone-deep tiredness that seeped off of them… The Guardian stumbled whenever they walked, off-balance. Injured, maybe.
They looked as unstable on their feet as he imagined they were mentally.
He rapped his fingers on the tabletop he was leaning against, a slight knot in his stomach building on the question of ‘How to get their attention without getting pinned as a threat?’
Questionably fortunate enough, and probably should’ve been expected; the tapping made them pause, and he'd almost compare the frozen movement to their namesake freezing to listen. They nearly looked like they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't be, or as if a sudden red dot (or dozen) had appeared on their chest. 
The Young Wolf then snapped to look at him, eyes narrowed and hand beginning to raise to their sword. Their Ghost noticed, and took it as a sign to speak up; "What do you think you’re doing here? Who are you?" For being the Ghost of an exile, its voice was strikingly uptight. Drifter had expected an edge to the voice, but not for it to be pedant.
"Mind your business, Ghost," he drawled. Their head jolted up a fraction. "Just want a talk with your Guardian, is all-"
Their Ghost flicked back a bit, only to be replaced by its Guardian stepping up close to him. Well… he got their attention, at least.
His gut twisted in knots as the seconds passed like that—far, far too close for comfort. "How about we just… back up for a moment, yeah? Think this all through?" Like he hadn’t. He should have told that Warlock and Shin to shove their requests back down their throats.
The Guardian tilted their head, the action more unnerving than anything else, reminding Drifter of a certain other Hunter, and he was unsure if it was an acknowledgement or a threat. They refused to look anywhere but his eyes, and he swore they leaned a bit closer.
He raises his hands to push them back a bit, but thinks better of touching them. He opts to just slide back a bit, instead– except they match his step. He does not take another one. That definitely wasn't good.
"I'll ask again: Who are you?" The Ghost hovers over its Guardian’s shoulder as they tilt their head to allow it to take the center of Drifter’s vision. Their dynamic is clear, but he tries to focus on them.
"Your old man Osiris didn't mention me?” Drifter tries to say, “I’m hurt–”
"You will be hurt–" the Ghost starts, just as the Guardian grips his collar. There’s a moment the Drifter is almost certain they were going to slam him into the wall.
"Alright, alright—” he tries to interrupt, “Just back up.”
It takes them a moment, and a couple glances between him and the Ghost, but they do back up, if not letting go of his collar. He tries to quietly let out the breath he’d been holding, nerves a bit strung. Their emotions are as on-a-dime as he thought. Damn this plan. The Ghost eyes him expectantly.
"You can call me Drifter; I run a little… operation outta the Tower." Their face somehow pulls even further in a grimace. “Now, I know how that sounds, but I’m not working with the Vanguard—Trust. Wouldn’t be here if I was: Heard about your… dislike of ‘em.”
He gives them a grin when they don’t make another move, though not optimistic. Watching every little change in their expression doesn’t give him much hope, either, given the hard line in their brow now. 
"That old Phoenix of yours pointed me your way, and I figured we both could make use of the others'... skills. I've got the connections, and you've guts enough to attack your own–”
The Drifter hardly has time to blink before his back is against the wall again, this time with a knife to his throat, sharp eyes glaring down at him—So it's like that. Osiris might've downplayed the sore spot; Drifter can’t even get away with a tease. He’s good at pushing buttons, but their reservations broke immediately.
He counts by the seconds as the Young Wolf silently dares him to say it again. 
While he decidedly opts not to and tries to think of a way to de-escalate his mistake, he has… an inane thought: They’re taller than him… Not by too much, but the thought gives him an idea potentially worse than even the meeting itself was; something mischievous glinting in his eye and, as an added bonus, giving the Guardian pause.
"...Kinky." Feeling their hold loosen somewhat and seeing their brow twitch, Drifter pushes the joke with a sly grin and a cant to the side. “I didn’t realize you swung like that, Killer…”
Drifter’s eyes flick towards the Ghost at the undoubtably horrified, near-static chiming it makes as it rapidly recoils. “Are you… trying to flirt your way out of this–”
The Guardian’s expression seems of someone entirely bewildered by a puzzle in front of them. As they loosened their hold in what he could only assume was disbelief, Drifter had to stop himself from laughing—in relief, at the absurdity, or at their reaction.
“Nahh… Just seizing an opportunity, you’d understand,” he says, as nonchalantly as he can manage. There’s a moment of silence, the Guardian and their Ghost both searching his face, and it's everything he can do not to break—Either into a sweat or into a fit of laughter.
"...what the hell is wrong with you?" is the only response he got from the Ghost, the top fold of its shell covering half its eye. Drifter can only assume it's meant to be a mimicry of a dead-stare.
"Many things!” He gives a toothy grin that splits his face as he chuckles, “Next question."
The Ghost makes a show of rolling its eye, while the Guardian still looks like their mind has shattered, eyes seeming to search the wall through him for answers. The Ghost seems to take notice of its Guardian’s… inoperable state, and pipes up again, terse, “So what do you want?”
He’s really going to have to cut a deal with the Ghost, instead, isn’t he? As Drifter slowly tugs the Guardian’s hand from his collar—which they thankfully do not resist—he gives the Ghost the greasiest side-eye he can manage. “Well, as I was saying before your Guardian interrupted me,” it mimics narrowing its eye as he speaks. “I hear you two need friends, and, well, I’m always looking for more of those.”
“Just get to the point,” the Ghost pushes, tone flat. The Guardian seems to only vaguely be paying attention.
“Them and I could both use the support, so I suggest an… exchange.”
“An exchange? What is that– You mean, glimmer?” The Ghost interrupts itself with flicking its shell around itself and letting out a short chirr. “Information? We have nothing you’d want in that.”
“Nah, I don’t want any of that. If anything, I’m offering—You two just gotta do some favors for me in return. How’s that sound?” At the mention of favors, the Guardian refocuses; eyes widening some before narrowing and scanning him in search of some catch. “Just a job or two; you scratch my back, I scratch yours, yeah? Nothing you wouldn’t already do, of course.”
At the skeptical, almost blank looks from both of them, Drifter’s grin tightens some. “Favor for favor make sense to you?” He’s tempted to ask if they’ve got cotton in their ears. The pair take a long glance at each other, and he can only see the slight twitching in both’s expressions. 
“...And how do we know we can trust you?” Finally comes an answer, again from the Ghost, but one that’s more assuring than it probably should be.
“Your old man asked me here, didn’t I say? I wouldn't risk this without a good word.” That, or without Shin over his shoulder. He turns his eye back to its Guardian and offers them a hand, “So, whaddya say? Give it a shot, hotshot?”
The Ghost trills in some semblance of worry as the Guardian cautiously eyes him and his hand, body canted away from him, before hesitantly taking his hand. Their hold is slight and feels like they would rather writhe away from him, but they hold just long enough to shake his hand.
“Heyy, don’t be like that, now. Friends take care of friends, yeah? Trust.” The Guardian grimaces at his words. Maybe that odd adage of insects had a bit more truth to it than he realized. 
They’re more scared of you than you are of them?
Hours later, the Drifter far gone, and his Guardian was still kind of distracted. Honestly, Ghost would be lying if he said he wasn’t mind-broke by that as well. Who, in any sane state of mind, would do any of that? Sneak into an ill exile’s hideout, startle and piss them off, and then try to make a deal? 
And why did it… actually work?
Ghost must be losing it.
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panspy · 14 days
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hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i think this is an autism related thing#but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in#like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about#and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but#it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared#this is specifically in regards to working#like having a job. like going to work#i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating#in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience#i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared#like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW#and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start#im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant#not even a full year of working#i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms#and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go#i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have#ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow#i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed#and im talking about each micro step inbetween#what am i missing#and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being#supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING#jesus christ#manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe#i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves#around me. i know this#i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i#genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive
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