#screaming into the void is more fun with yall at my side

[kalims]

˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "who i like? do you seriously think I'm gonna tell you that? anyways its—"

大好き

premise. someone asks who you like.. and you respond with their name—said person right beside you!

characters. all dorms and their prominent students

includes. gn reader

note. after a long wait! and the almost month this has been on my 'to be added' category it's hereeee.. fun fact.. I actually finished another work because I liked the idea of it more even though this was my prioritized.

was 20 mins late because I was fixing my posts aksbja

heartslabyul

looks at you like you're insane. I'm confident everyone can envision riddle's face like that. it's in between the verge of being flustered and being appalled by your lack of filter. heat practically steams out of riddle's ears as his movements stutters, clearly struggling to comprehend what you said. maybe you should get ready for an earful but you're pleasantly suprised when riddle sets aside his.. passionate emotions to shyly ask a confirmation. (with admitted aggression as if he's in denial)

trey's eyebrows shoot up but the action looks way more casual than it should be. I mean, surprisingly he's pretty calm on taking it into account but he ends up just being a smiling fool beside you as you continue your conversation with your friend. he's like... ‎◜◡◝ beside you as your friend looks between the two of you in a hurry before breaking into a laugh. should be be worried that you're this bold..? well, it did work in his favor so he can't say a thing.

happy go luck cater looks even more happy than you've ever seen him in your life. hanging lowly by his sides, his hands twitch and he itches to pull out his phone to basically renounce to the world that his feelings are very much reciprocated and probably lowkey shitting on the people with one sided loves because, ha! he wins!! you bet he's gonna settle for screaming in his private account and then proceeding to scream in his pillow.

before he could foster up a grin and break out of the 'calm and responsible' honor student, deuce had to keep his lower lips under his teeth lest he looks like a weirdo smiling uncontrollably tinged in flush. the whole time he was just staring at you goofily.. like he's on cloud nine, which I concur. because he is. the one who gets gaslighted (not by you) into thinking that you both now are in a relationship like.. deuce be for real you didn't even ask me on a fate. (actually both of you might think you're in a relationship because of the way you're acting like yall are)

contrary to beliefs I think ace would be on the more casual side. you know? throwing an arm around your shoulder and shattering whatever personal space criteria there was. clearly there's no need when you 'like' him so much. he's using your words as an excuse to do whatever he wants, like leaning strangely close, letting a hand linger longer than it should. whatever restraint he had before is gone now because now he's moving onto a new level of personal. you'd either hate or secretly like the change. hate because ace wtf we're in class and like because,, who wouldn't want your crush to be overly affectionate with you?

savanaclaw

you'd think leona wasn't listening at all just from the indifferent look on his face but you know better just from the way his eyes perk up, tail sticking up in dormant but still a signal of alert and attention. for once he doesn't quip a tease, or a smart-ass remark that would want you to shovel your way to the ground on embarrassment. he just.. sits there, staring seemingly into the void of thin air itself. maybe it's because he's feeling particularly sentimental or sensitive today that his heart feels like it's encased in warmth. it feels good.

a laugh too shaky for his preferences, ruggie hopes he didn't look too nervous for his sake. I mean, this is literally his suprise of the century and when I tell you that it's a big shock to him, it's an understatement. come on, if he did think you had feelings for him ruggie imagined the confession going normally. either buttering him up or going straight to the point—the latter, which he prefers but when he said to be direct he certainly didn't expect this! the hyena runs away with jitters and a skip to his steps but he comes back a few minutes later looking more relaxed than you've ever seen him.

once again. contrary to expectations which the savanclaw boys had practically shattered those, many would think jack would go all shy. from the previous savanaclaw boys you'd think I'd go against expectations again but you're.. wrong hehe. i don't know how to explain other than he wills himself to show a reaction other than fluster, maybe it's just in his pride to now show you an ounce of weakness but literally how could be when you're the weakness? he doesn't know if you making him soft is good or not.

octavinelle

if it was real and possible to actually happen without a third party force, azul's glasses would've definitely shattered the moment you said the direct confession. he's torn between wanting to excuse himself to scream like a school girl or intent to not let the fluster show. well, either way he does both. keeping his emotions hardly in check, sometimes slipping up multiple times but when the time comes where you both part ways you know he's silently smiling to himself when he turns round a corner. the twins are suspicious and curious as to why azul had been in a good mood nowadays..

either jade maintains his cool, natural closed eyed smile or he crinkles his eyes when he breaks into a large sharp toothed grin. of course both has the lingering ominous feeling around it because it's jade.. and even you have to agree that him openly cracking a grin isn't exactly a good sign of peace, rather so a harbinger of trouble. if you were bold enough to say that in his presence I wonder how that previous confidence will fare when he's practically picking at your earlier words to gouge a reaction. no jade, I only said like. not love (yet).

no one other than floyd would be more than ecstatic. he didn't hear it at first, blinking then tilting his head to the side when he pauses to register it. so when he finally processes it you bet he's giggling in his head but in real time? he's practically sweeping you off your feet to hug you in the air. figures with the strange merman strength.. you find out that floyd is quite clingy when he's immensely happy, he even refused to let you go through classes and when you insisted he just sat down next to your seat and promptly kicked out whoever sat there before! floyd atleast hide! I mean the professor would surely notice the eel that's not in supposed to be in their class.

scarabia

if there was an option where he could purchase everything in the world then giving it to you without expecting anything back kalim would surely choose it. you got him so happy to the fact that he's willing to do practically anything that you ask. he doesn't mean to be over the top but.. he just wants to make you happy, which is more than you deserve. no matter how many times you tell him that you don't need any gifts but rather him only, it seemed like it only did worse since he practically fell a hundred times harder which brings us to the conclusion that he wants to give you the world a whole lot more now..

a complete opposite of kalim. jamil merely blinks and casts you a side eye. for the record, he is a little impressed you're that bold because if it was him he would've just brushed this person away or claimed that he liked no one but here you are. completely obliterating the concept of secrets. perhaps that's why he likes you in the first place, your personality is certainly a force to reckon with.. but sometimes you just have to tone down the chaos.. *please* 😐

pomefiore

vil is no stranger to bold proclamations but he can't deny he's a little startled. well, he didn't pick you out to be that type of person. either way usually he'd plaster a quick smile, the words not hitting anything other than the skin of his heart. strangely enough he can't keep the smile wider than he'd like off his face, he's immensely pleased by your words and pomefiore has never been so happy by the obvious good mood their dorm leader had. cause he left them alone for the whole day to practice stick to your side.

his eyes immediately crinkle in joy, rook has to look away and cover the lower part of his face to shy away the flush in his cheeks that would give away his thoughts. rook wouldn't mind if you knew how he felt, but this time he feels as though he's doing this to contain the excitement off his face. you can practically hear the tremble in his voice as he giggles out. "oh tricheur ! mon coeur bat pour toi dans ma poitrine!" it looks like rook completely forgot to existence of the person right next to you. if he got madol from the amount of times he practically sang of his love for you rook would be rich.

just like any other time where you say something off handed epel quickly goes out of character and nearly screams. asking, shaking your shoulders, out of breath by the amount of times he aggressively shook you for the answer of "really?!" his voice becomes that of a boy you aren't used to, but if he's really that willing to show you the person he truly is it makes you like him more. if you do agree, admittedly with your surroundings growing distorted he yells out a happy "YESSS." then coughs and resumes to his soft persona like he wasn't the complete opposite a minute ago. (the person that asked was shook)

ignihyde

it's hard to say if idia is actually gonna be next to you since,, he's idia and do you really think he'd entertain the thought of being in a conversation with someone who he doesn't know? so let's just pretend his tablet is floating next to you, it's better than nothing you guess. you spared a glance to the electronic when you literally confessed your type, idia himself fitting the category perfectly. you swore you heard a squeak but ehh.. maybe it was a rat or something.

meanwhile. ortho comes inside idia's room expecting his elder brother to just be sitting on his bed, gaming chair or something but no. idia shroud is on the floor, with his headphones hazzardly over the floor like it fell over when he did. his hair is sprawled around the floor, heating into a concerning passionate pink as he rolls around and... squeals..? just from the headphones ortho can vaguely hear a "my type..? oh you know idia? I'd kill to have a boyfriend like him." playing on repeat.

diasomnia

he would be like: ˘ ˘ and then: ‎◜◡◝ after he hears you. if there a sound for a big, happy dragon malleus would be excluding them. when I tell you he wishes nothing but to just whisk you away on spot he's not kidding, unlike everyone else who unintentionally forgot the person who asked. this man forgets them intentionally because he can't keep his eyes off you like.. 'hey other human. me and my child of man are having a moment here. will you please leave now. did you not get the sign'

giggles but with his deep voice it sounds kinda weird, but nice to the ears nonetheless. lilia labels you as his main target now, perhaps scaring you shitless at the random times is his love languange because he does it a lot. don't worry though, he always says a half hearted apology with a smile and showers you with affection right after. how could you be mad with how he treats you? even though he cares for you after you can't help but pray that the glint you saw in the ceiling was just some shiny thing.. maybe malleus got it from him because he doesn't care for the other person too.

sebek scolds you period. not only have you mentioned his name (which he's embarrassingly torn between being disgusted and fluster) but you've also mentioned that he's your type?? but I honestly think he approves your taste. "OF COURSE I am the ideal man! I applaud you for once human. not everyone can see the value of loyalty and devotion to waka-sama!" he says but with the increasing pink in his face you know better than to think that it's for the sole reason of malleus.

with the increasing time you've both spent together, silver has practically devoted himself to following you around whenever he's awake. (sebek says something about him always needing to be by malleus' side but quickly shuts up after silver comments that sebek is more than capable to look after him) the surroundings are growing hazy when you say it but he hears it nonetheless. he's happy to say that he dreamt a pleasing dream he's ever gotten in a long time. and since you were in it, it's safe to say that he's positively infatuated now.

clarifications

translation for rook is,, "oh trickster! my heart beats for you in my chest!"

I connected ignihyde parts since I REFUSE to leave out ortho!!

I really liked how those ^ parts came out. my favorite actor cause I think it's cute for idia to be freaking out like that lolol. especially with the idea of recording of your voices to listen to cause he's that down bad

[doxypsychlean]

Hi! Could do a Aegon II Targaryen x Targaryen niece reader. Like there married and they get in a fight over something little and he disappears for the night and she thinks she he's cheating. But he's out been flying his dragon. Happy at the end please?

Pour Me Another

Aegon II Targaryen x Targ!Reader

Warnings: More Targcest

Thou shan't repost/copy/ translate any of my work or I'll sneak into your home late at night and bite your toes off!

English isn't my first language. I don't proofread. I slap commas wherever I feel they're needed.

A/N: Welp, idk about yall but to me, this is as close as we can get to a happy end w her thinking he's cheating.

It had been long since the last log in the fireplace had turned to ash and the fire had died. The wind that was coming through the wide open windows let out another enraged howl as it stormed into the room. It was gone just as quickly as it had arrived, leaving the young woman to stare at the canopy as she laid on the bed, not moving a muscle. She kept going over what had happened few hours earlier, in her head.

"I do not ask much of you, Aegon, just do not make a fool out of me for everyone at court to see!"

"I have done no such thing! I was just having fun! Nothing happened between me and that girl!"

"I do not care,Aegon! Have your way with as many whores as you wish, but have the dignity to do it behind closed doors!"

She winced at the memory of his pained expression. The way he dropped at her feet, knees slamming into the ground. Aegon crawling over to her, hands reaching for hers.

"Why don't you trust me? I haven't been with another! I love you..."

Then came the slap. Her heart acted, before her mind. The thought of him, touching her with the same hands he'd used on those whores, filled her with disgust. Resentment. Jealousy.

"Do not say that again."

The woman turned on her side, hands clutching at her throat. She tried to swallow the lump, but the thing refused to go away. Her eyes were burning with angry tears. She sat up with her head lulling, as if she'd downed an entire barrel of the finest Dornish wine.

His eyes. Those crystal eyes, who'd been turned to her and only her, ever since they were children. They held nothing but pain in that moment, after she'd slapped him.

"I'll go..."

"Back to your whores, I suppose. Have you no shame? None at all?!"

Aegon left her there, quickly getting back to his feet and scurrying out of their shared chambers.

Another freezing howl came from outside, the sound bouncing off of the walls. She got up from the bed and made her way over to the fireplace, stumbling around as she walked. She stopped between the two chair, right in front if the table, where a few clean cups and a wine jug stood.

"He left me. Again." She whispered to herself, vision going blurry. "Again."

Hands slammed down on the table, the woman bending over slightly. She felt sick. Her throat had gone dry, and that lump... Still there, not budging.

Trembling fingers reached over to one of the clean cups. The woman straightened her back, her whole body swaying from side to side. Her brows furrowed, face twisting. She swung, the cup falling from her hand and into the dead fireplace. Glass shattered with a horrified scream for help, shards flying in all directions.

The doors behind her flew open, wood slamming into the walls. The hinges protested loudly, creaking as they were forcibly stretched to their full.

"What's going on?" Aegon's voice rang through the room, eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. He saw nothing at first. The silence had set back in, staring from above as the Prince looked around the room, searching for the intruder.

"Got your fill for one night?" A low voice came from the void.

Another cup shattered, this one dangerously close to Aegon's head. It flew past him and hit the door, the Prince raising a hand just in time before the new wave of glass shards could meet his eyes.

"How were they? Any good? Tell me, husband..."

The voice was getting closer, accompanied by the sound of something dragging across the wall.

Her face showed from behind the door, the light of the candles in the corridor bouncing off of it.

"I wish to know."

Aegon tried to move towards her, but the woman stretched out her hand. He noticed the wine jug she was holding, half empty.

"You're drunk."

A scornful laugh came from her, but her mouth stayed closed. She looked up at him, eyes red and pupils constricted. Her tongue ran over her dry lips.

"I take after you."

Her head dropped back down with another laugh. Her shoulders shook with the sound, chest going up and down fast. She lost her balance as she put the jug next to her lips.

"Now that I am a drunkard, like you, all I need is to find me a few whores to keep me occupied." The woman said with a smack of her lips. A floppy grin twisted her face, but her eyes stayed the same- cold and distant. As if she was far,far away. "Have to fill the time when I'm not drinking with something."

Aegon tore the jug out of her hand as she tried to take another swig. The woman hissed, hand reaching to take it back. Aegon wrapped his free hand around her waist, the one with the jug going high above their heads.

"Tell me, husband..." The word came out with a growl. "Do you not wish me to be like you? That way I'll stay out your way. I won't torture you. We'll both be free to do what we want."

She dropped her hands down, her head turned to the side.

The wind came back once more, the still open doors swaying violently as the unwanted guest strode in through the windows.

"It wouldn't be that bad, you know?" The woman whispered. "You'll be with all the servant girls and whores you want. And I..."

She trailed off as she reached to fix the chain that was hanging around Aegon's neck.

"Well, maybe I will take Ser Erryk for myself. Or Ser Arryk. Maybe both of them?"

Aegon frowned, his top lip curving in a snarl. His grip on her got stronger, fingers digging into the soft flesh.

"What? You can fuck half the Red Keep, but I can't enjoy the company of two handsome knights?" She teased. "Maybe I will seek them out on the morrow, once you're gone."

Aegon shook her, her head swinging as he did.

"You will do no such thing." The Prince said, pointed at her face with the same hand he was holding the wine jug with.

She eyed the thing, hunger in her eyes. Then those same hungry eyes looked past the jug and to his. A shiver ran down her back, the skin of her bare arms prickling.

"Why? Give me one good reason to not do it."

Aegon rolled his eyes, then let go of her. He took a step back, head shaking.

"Because I love you."

"I told you not to say that. Not to me." The woman closed the distance between them once more, chest touching against his. "You can lie to them all you want, if those women are foolish enough to believe it. But not me."

"I am not lying to you." Aegon said as he walked past her. He circled around one of the chairs in front of the fireplace, then sat down. His fingers ran over the glass jug one last time, then he placed it back on the table. "I wish you could see that..."

"If you're not lying to me, then why did you leave me again?" Her voice came from his left, slurring as she reached for one of the two remaining cups, then the jug. After, she sat down next to him, on the other chair. "You left me, so you can go back to them."

"I didn't. I was out with Sunfyre." Aegon admitted as he took the jug from her again. He reached for the other cup.

"Why?" She asked before she downed hers.

"I...I wanted to..." He was watching her from the corner of his eye, not sure of what to say.

"To get away from me?" Her cup hit the table. She bent forward, hands burying themselves in her silver-white hair.

"Do you think you'll ever find it in yourself to believe me?" The Prince asked, one leg crossing over the other as he leaned back. "I wasn't lying, I haven't been with another in... a while now."

"I doubt it." She whispered as she pushed her long hair away from her face, then turned to look at Aegon. "There will always be a part of me that will question you."

"Why?"

"What you've been doing throughout all these years has showed me all I need to know."

Her hands ran over the naked skin of her arms, just now realizing how cold it actually was. Aegon stood up as he unclasped his cloak. He stopped in front of her, then threw it over her shoulders.

"You lie, you drink, you bed every single woman that you lay eyes on. How can what you say ever be true?" Trembling fingers wrapped around the cloak, pulling it closer around her body.

Aegon walked over to the windows and shut them.

"It's late." He said. "And you're drunk."

The woman nodded her head with a giggle. She got up, leaving his cloak to hang off the chair.

"I'm also freezing." She announced, body swaying from side to side.

She was no longer feeling angry. In fact, she wasn't feeling anything. Just cold. And tired.

She stumbled as she got on her feet, knocking one of the cups on the floor.

Aegon reached her with a few big strides, then he picked her up. Another giggle came from her, hands wrapping around his neck as the Prince made his way to their bed

He put her down and pushed her back. Her head hit the mattress, bouncing up and down. Aegon laid beside her, then covered their bodies with the blankets.

She turned her back to him, then one hand reached back for his. She draped it over her body, eyes falling shut as he pulled her closer.

"Maybe one day..."

He placed a kiss on the crook of her neck, then sighed.

"I hope...Until then, I love you."

She didn't protest this time.

Aegon watched her for a bit, her body going up and down with every breath. Then his eyes closed.

The wind let out one last roar as it slammed against the shut windows, desperately trying to crawl back inside.

"I love you too."

[thevampiresoc]

ramble. under read more. also fixed pacing.

starting off with the ogs diego/gumball and doug those two. god. depressed jester to silly neighborhood old man pipeline. in canon he works at a library now where he sometimes puts on puppet shows. doug is no longer pathetic scared man he teaches geology for fun and as clean-up crew for crime scenes for normal. old probably 58? now? men living with peace and letting their past not get to them. and then matthew and sasha. god . their beef went from like "that purple doesnt match your pants" & "your hairs a mess" to geniune death threats and "YOU WERE MARRIED TO A DRUG SMUGGLER WHO'S SKIN WAS WHITER THAN SNOW" & "I'M NOT LISTENING TO A MAN UNDER 5'5" WHO CAN'T COUNT HIGHER THAN 8 IN ENGLISH WITHOUT USING HIS FINGERS". potato knows whos who. matthew 'ohh good lord what the fuck' to 'i'm PROBABLY traumitized but my boss wants me to go clean the Scary Hallway so I can't think about that right now' domino effect. is it affect? idfc. im in here saying bullshit. speaking of bullshit sasha went from "... please try and get better" to "*grabs you by your eye sockets* You Are Going To Stop Eating Twice A Day. Full Meals Are Not Just Seven Ritz Crackers™️©️ And Sour Cream."

and its great.

she still does taxidermy and murder. taxidermy's her side-job since she works as a welder now. shes in there with blowtorches welding shit. your car needs repairs? shes got it boss. oh yeah matthew working as a knight in rp-1 is funny if you consider how his main job went from freddy fazbears janitor to comfortably retired lighthouse keeper. OHHHHH CHARLES I ALMOST FORGOT CHARLES he died in canon. not really. you ever get zombied. yeah jhe got zombied. i should start breaking this up but i cant

snapshot at the start of the rp was just. fucked up guy with a dead wife and platoon with a pet mouse droid. he went into a coma so he didnt participate in order 66 and misses his wife. alot. but NOW? NOW???

okay so imagine walking out of a hospital room, disorented as shit and you go to find your wife jedi and fellow clones and when you DO find them shes just cut one in half with her light saber. Turning to you with fear, she almost chops your head off but you stumbling back and showing that your unarmed gets her to stop. "It was self defense," the jedi pleads for you to understand as your blood flows into your mouth, preventing you from screaming but you want to scream, need to scream.

You both are uneasy and fearful, trying to calm down. Order 66, something you just thought of as a far off nightmare to enact, had happened a mere few minutes ago.

years later, probably a decade, the tragedity now only becoming stale on your mind- a healing wound to your already mangled brain- you had been cut off from the "empire", hiding on fucking HOTH of all planets. You managed, sure, but it was still hoth… "Your" Jedi, surviving by faking her own death with you saying you had killed her, picking you up randomly only to tell you that your being relocated to a terrestrial planet. So called 'Retirement' in some barely populated town, living on a farm. Great.

nottt much really changed except for TMCs status. just that they upgraded from living in a shitty one room apartment to a still shitty apartment where the bedroom, living room, dining room and bathroom were seperate rooms. also parents. good for it.

neeed to traumitize that war machine

anyways my ocs going from eueueueuuuu to Can You Shut Up im going to Kill You With My Bare Hands is funny

conffession sometimes i watered downn my oc when using them. im shouting into the void but do you guys think you could handle he/him sasha. i feel like if i ever rp again with any of you itd be hell because ive just done so much stupid ass writing with my little sillies. like andreas' kingdom got slightly more fucked but id keep it silly for yall

[kittyirked]

Eugh fuck it. I'm bringing my one twitter post here for yall because a lot of you newbies really dropped twt like a hot potato, huh

HEY FUCKOS

before you got stumbling around Tumblr with no damn clue how shit works note that things work very VERY differently there as compared to the old twitter machine.

Firstly, tumblr is VERY anti-ads, anti-capitalist, and anti-brands. Go into this KNOWING that. Don't go using the monetization options without in-site research. A vtuber has already done so to MUCH backlash. Blaze is used for shitposting and pet pics or if you wanna fight god.

tumblr is all about customization:

you MUST search out what you want on your own. you curate your experience there. You have to reblog things you like. Keep the ecosystem alive. Likes are nice and extra. many people use like for bookmarking things (I'm talking abt me)

change your pfp ASAP when you get there. Tumblr has a bot problem and tumblr oldies will block on-sight if they see a default icon, lack of reblogging, etc

one more thing to customization: THERES SO MUCH OF IT!! Make your blog your own!!! I'll give you all my blog customizing resources for fucks sake. It's your space, make it such :3

More on courtesy:

talk in the tags! unless you are adding to a shitpost, conversation, or such, it can be seen as audacious to just add text to a random post. It can be considered hijacking. Tags are not only for organization but also screaming in the void!!!

Once you set up who you're following I recommend fiddling with settings! Just like twitter, tumblr has a chronological vs "best" setting! Fuck with it so you can see more of your new friends' posts!

You can make multiple blogs from the same account (with a bit of limited usability) they're called side-blogs and they're REALLY good for if you want a personal AND an art account! very useful. Not sure if there's a limit to the number of side blogs you can have.

USE XKIT!!!

there are so so many ways to further better your tumblr experience with the plugin. It's on chrome and firefox. I don't know if its on any other browser. It's a godsend, I tell you!!!

when it comes to tags or mentions of things:

just tag it, don't censor it. People have blacklists for the website that help them to not see things so for instance put blood, not bl00d or anything else. by fucking with the word, you mess up their ability to block it

if you want more eloquent and direct help, there are many many posts that I've been reblogging over on tumblr to help you out!! I hope these little tidbits help

that's all of it-- if you wanted to rt the post over on twt for the homies, here's the link

See ya on the flippity flop. have fun!

[formerlyjannafaye]

JANNA IM HERE TO SCREAM

Favorite season 1 scene: “still pretty?” “Yeah! Really pretty!” I MEAN 😭

Favorite season 2 scene: reunion (what other option is there )

Favorite season 3 scene: “el, I know you think you have to do this, but you don’t” / “you’re treating her like a machine when she’s not a machine” literally takes me out … how can anyone say he loves her for her powers he’s right here telling her not to use them like!!! But also “blank makes you crazy” is a staple

Favorite season 4 scene: wow this whole season like !!!! But the monologue …. Hooo boy!!! #blessed

ALLY!!!! OMG LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU AND SCREAM WITH YOU ANY TIME ANY PLACE!

Still pretty is ABSOLUTELY my fave s1 moment too. The raw vulnerability in that scene, I'm shaking! And Mike is so gentle and sweet and earnest. Earlier in the season she flinches away from his touch and now he's gently washing her face IM-

S2 reunion, GOD TIER. I totally agree. The fact that we are all still absolutely shook by that moment 2 seasons later says it all!

Your S3 pick HAS ME SHAKING. He has always seen her for who she is - not a dog doing tricks, not a machine or a weapon, but as El. HE LOVES HER FOR EXACTLY WHO SHE IS (YOU SHOULD HEAR THE SOUND I JUST MADE GAH)

The Mileven moments in S4 (esp. vol 1) felt sparse but they were POWERFUL. And MATURE. And just like, everything we hope we'd see in a couple this serious about each other. The monologue was everything, I keep waiting to wake up from the dream of it. HE REALLY SAID ALL THAT. Love at first sight?!?! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU?! I LOVE YOU FOR EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE?!?! Sorry, I need to lay down.

[poursomesunaonme]

UM HI??? WHY HAS IT TAKEN ME SO LONG TO WATCH MIDNIGHT MASS???? (good) ranting below the cut bc holy shit… *spoilers* do i need to even give a religion tw i mean…

so yall know i have oodles and oodles of religious trauma from my involvement w the church in high school so watching it has been a trip to say the least

also im obsessed with anything that mike flanagan has created the man rivals my obsession w david lynch SHIT

the hymns that they choose - phenomenal. i may not identify w the faith anymore BUT i love hymns and i was singin along like a mf fiend

but anyways imma do an episode by episode review bc im that neurotic

episode 1

i love it when creators have their fav actors/actresses, so seeing kate siegel, robert longstreet, annabeth gish, samantha sloyan, carla gugino, and henry thomas just really made me so happy! henry’s character design had him nearly unrecognizable and his accent too so whenever i realized i was like… u bastard ur amazing. he’s so talented! but i thought that this episode created a lovely setup about the show, with all the family and community dynamics. i heavily relate to riley’s dilemma about not going to church when he’s back home because of my estrangement from it all - and face it, my mom’s more of a bev than an annie (which makes the series a lot more… fun to watch because flanagan really hits the nail on the head when it comes to bev’s character). i’m hopping on the father paul is a hottie train because i have a thing for priests (hehe choo choo all aboard the trauma train!) but also that one sermon… wowza

episode 2

the homily that father paul gives… nearly converted me LMAO. NOT REALLY! but still i was like mans deserves an emmy for that. the whole crock pot luck scene had me in tears when pike died… like i haven’t finished it so i’ll let myself predict that it was bev bc she’s a big fat BITCH. continuing in the bev vain, riley’s exposé had me fuming with 1) taking money from the oil company and 2) using it for tithing like obviously she pocketed what was leftover from the community center. my parents give sO MUCH MONEY to the church like ??? i want an inheritance??? sorry im a bitch but its true lmao. but then his whole monologue about god and bad things happening and suffering had me bawling. my. eyes. out.

i used to be one of those people who believed that suffering was a good thing - i will reiterate that i was heavily involved with church activities in high school, staffing and planning retreats, giving talks, all that fun stuff (it’s fun looking back now because i see that it created a deep fear of intimacy in my heart hahahahahah). but hearing riley talk about it, and going on about how the townspeople especially suffer… woof that hurt. but the whole monologue was so well written, and so beautiful - i also appreciated how he has the whole view of the other side because he was born into and involved with the faith before leaving the island.

i think those kinds of views are one of the best perspectives because they really understand the church’s view and all. like with issues nowadays and with arguments with my parents, i can best them because i still somewhat know what i’m talking about. but watching other shows that explore catholicism just aren’t done right but this one… takes the mf cake. i can also really appreciate the imagery of the island being the faith and leaving it allows perspectives to change because it was what happened to me when i left my hometown to go to college. love how relatable it is.

episode 3

leeza’s miracle: had me shaking to my core, honest. my theory that i’m screaming into the void is that there’s some kinda blood in the chalice that heals her and is what’s healing everyone else. but moving on, whenever they go to sarah’s office and wade says something along the lines of “why can’t we just label it a miracle and be done with it” when sarah suggests testing that would actually benefit other people in leeza’s situation, it just blew my mind. and bev gatekeeping people from father paul (i guess it was alright since he was violently ill)… also for those of yall who dont know, priests aren’t supposed to be in a parish for more than like a few years so how the monsignor was there for so long… who knows. but the whole purpose is that the parish doesn’t get attached to the priests, which in a lot of cases happen and people move parishes after they leave, yadda yadda… but with the miracle and gatekeeping, it just goes to show you how attached they already are.

i simply adore how father paul’s confession telling of what happened to pruitt went - especially with the story of saul and the images of the stations of the cross… like christ it was amazing. and of course, bev has to be teaching about god in the public school. the whole conversation made my skin itch because it was like listening to my mom talk LMAO but i love hassan’s character and his view on it, and especially how the show explores his ostracization from the community because of his muslim identity. it made me sad to see how bev trampled on him and erin but i was like this is the christian’s world and we are sadly living in it lmao.

and HOLY SHIT LEEZA’S CONFRONTATION WITH JOE. in tears. in fucking tears. now i was not shot and paralyzed by a man but i was sure traumatized by him and when i tell yall that every word she said i have uttered to him. how my faith used to enable me to be beaten down by him i will never begin to comprehend (nor do i want to) but this scene just said it all and more.

riley and joe’s conversation really hit me so hard. no matter what happens, the town’s opinions isn’t going to change of them, and they know that. but when joe asks, “does it ever get any different for people like us?” i was bawling crying. because that’s how i feel coming home. all the people i used to know are still involved in the same old activities in the same old circles, and then there’s me. people know that i don’t go to church anymore; i mean i’m not crazy but i still feel like im ostracized in the place that i grew up in. i’m sure that my mom’s asking all her friends to pray for me to come back to the church and when i tell you that makes a person feel like garbage… when they all look at you with that pitying smile. like i know how it felt and i don’t want to go back there you can’t blame me.

the conversation between hassan and ali also had me emotionally deceased. ali made a great point saying that he didn’t choose to be muslim, i didn’t choose to be catholic; so wanting to experiment is valid. i love how hassan’s character is explored here, i was just disappointed in how deep. but his love for his wife *chefs kiss* im in love with him.

“if god really worked that way… if he decided that he was gonna heal some and not others”

tears… so many tears… the wounds of my grief dealing with my uncle really opened up and i was losing my mind about it because his death really began my distancing from the church and all. like he was so influential in my town and such and i started to think of all the deaths of people i knew recently… it all just hit at once man. it was a beautiful monologue and one that really hit close to home (too close if you ask me)

but yall would not believe my frustration when fr paul “died” i was screaming at the tv HES ASPIRATING TURN HIM ON HIS SIDE GODDAMNIT like not that it wouldve changed anything but if yall ever see someone throwing up on their back… for gods sake turn them on their side LMAO but i was like tf why did he die oh nvm we gucci continue on.

the religious parallels i literally cannot get enough on. flanagan deserves the gluck gluck of a lifetime for that.

episode 4

okay starting typing while watching now

ERINS BABY IS GONE?????? the fuck?? i dont remember if she drank the wine and i cant imagine she did but if she did then why did it make the baby disappear?

but her and riley’s prayer is so simple and so beautiful. and i love how they start the our father, the prayer that riley started after his accident but never finished.

riley’s monologue about death reminded me of how much im afraid to die lmao thats i think why i was so attached to religion was because it offered a comfort as to what occurred after death.

they finna be battling over this blood lmao love that turn and the significance of greed. kinda reminds me of how i compare my relationship with religion to an addiction heheh

NOT THE SLIPUP WITH JOE’S SISTER LMAOOO poor fr paul all mixed up w his old decrepit mind

ah yes monsignor’s hat and coat… oh yeah… its all comin together

SHIT ARE THEY ABT TO KILL OFF THE MAIN MF CHARACTER??? or even worse, make him into a pious freak? all will be revealed in the next epi

will i ever complete my wips…

episode 5

i was like i started recognizing henry thomas bc i was like are the characters getting younger - yes mildred is fuckin BANGIN’ get it girl

ayo FATHER PAUL SAYING THAT THE MILITARY SHOULDNT BE ASSOCIATED WITH A COUNTRY???????????? mans is speaking the language of my coochie

im hoping that bev grows an independent conscience but i know she wont

i LOVE how they wrote in the priest’s dramatic walk off after dropping a bomb ass homily it was so perfect

okay RILEY?????? im scared shits about to hit the fan - or theyre about to fuck, or hes about to lure her to the angel… or is he keeping her from it

i love how this is devolved to my insane neuron firings

just the little sprinkles of the bible, the whole “you know who i am” and the doubting thomas stuff i love it.

the series itself has kinda strayed from the original and old traditional beauty of church but im always invested in a mystery that flanagan produces

i just love that it has spiraled into putting things in the place of a proverbial god, i mean all things can become a “god” in their lives but this especially, and putting it under the guise of the christian god; so interesting. im not gonna read an article of an interview w flanagan that i found bc i dont wanna spoil it but im so intrigued as to what drove him to make this

also how people are only accepted into the flock once again when they have some spectacular miracle so to speak. like bev wouldve never looked at riley if he hadnt been changed

is riley gonna nom nom on erin orrrr…

their relationship >>>

WAIT HIS DREAM oh my god hes gonna wait for the sunrise. and hes gonna have his dream and hes gonna die

tara beth.

6

wowee ladies and germs here we are. erin greene redeems this show and i want so badly for her to escape the island because shes always had the best chance of living away from it but she wont so.

sarah is a fucking g. lets go lesbians.

yo if dolly’s crying… easter vigil is abt to be a mf sacrifice. everyones about to be “converted,” shall we say

im gonna fuck the sheriff

the procession to the church… the doxology… fucking art.

hassans like the one fucking time i go to church….

the angels like… lemme fuckin strut this aisle. its giving… moira during david’s wedding

millie was the g.

ed was the g.

well thank god leeza’s not in a wheelchair anymore

okay millie’s back i have a feeling her confrontation w sarah is gonna make me cry

i have a sneaking suspicion that ali’s gonna kill his dad

7

i hate how i say that all these people are dead like they arent coming back

annie the mf g though holy fuck.

“he wasnt exactly celibate” sarah is def monsignors kid theres no doubt abt that. how does it feel to have a heathen gay child father??????? hahahhahahahaha

yoooo bev’s retelling revelation with the blood dripping down her chin >>>

beverly, the budding arsonist

i really appreciate how bev’s whole rage over cherry picking god when shes the one that blows religion completely out of proportion. and thats the whole idea of it

“at that dinner, at that last dinner, i would’ve-“ “they know”

oh fuck. grief machine go brrrr. wanna hear me overshare bc i wanna overshare. the last time i saw my uncle my parents started a political discussion. yup. and then i left to see my friends. i dont even remember if i told him that i loved him. so holding in hope to leeza’s words with this one.

sarah… sarah sarah sarah… “it was a gift-“ “and [she] spat it out”

theyre gonna watch the sunrise burying sarah.

ali im CRYING

fuck bev literally half her words are from the bible yet she shoots hassan before he can finish one verse

oh my god erin clipping the angels wings. that is all. that is fucking all.

die alone bev watching all your manipulation burn

needless to say the second ali said “allahu akbar” i was shitting crying

bev digging her own grave like she had been the whole fucking time

and everyone singing together. hot damn flanagan sure knows how to end a series

and how else to end something with a jarring dialogue like “i cant feel my legs”

leeza, the impetus for the majority of the series, one of the most purely devout souls (i was leeza in high school going to daily mass every morn and so on), tells us that its all for naught, that it all wears off eventually.

flanagan you are blessed. idk if i can say that, but what a mastermind.

[scandeniall]

mirrors for friends //ch.5

| prev | next | masterlist

wc: 1741

pairing: TBD x reader

notes *this is the version of the song they cover 

chapter 5: We drive, We Film

The music is blaring when Atsumu pulls up. He's bobbing his head along to the guitar, hardly sparing you a glance as you slide into the passenger seat. Despite that, you offer a quick greeting as the car speeds off before you even finish putting your seatbelt on. You nod along to the familiar song as the two of you shoot through the street, 

“And I don't care if you're sick, I don't care if you're contagious,” you begin Atsumu chiming in matching your pitch.  

“I would kiss you even if you were dead” “Would somebody make me go blind for the rest of my life, cause I’d do anything to hold your hand.” 

You find your hand hanging out the window as you two sing along to the rest of the song. Once it ends, Atsumu lowers the volume, enough to have a conversation. “I see ya changed from a sweaty slob and are now looking better.” You roll your eyes at the bassist, and had he not been driving you probably would’ve resorted to slapping the back of his head. “Why do I willingly hang out with you. And, where are we going anyways?” You question, remembering your promise to Iwaizumi

 You ignore his comment about you clearly not having any other friends as you send a message to Iwaizumi confirming your location. You let out a little laugh at Iwaizumi’s complaint about the blonde always running his plans, before locking your phone. “Who ya texting?” Atsumu takes his first real look at you for the night as he slows at the red light. “Iwa, just telling him if I die tonight it's all your fault.Your driving fucking sucks” You follow up the sentence flicking off your friend who looks unbothered. 

“Speaking of our dear Iwa, you know something that me and Kuroo don't.” Your eyes widen just the tiniest bit as he grants you a knowing smirk. “But I’ll let that go for now. How's the tattoo healing?” Just like that Atsumu’s voice shifts into a more serious tone and you groan loudly. You instantly catch on to the real meaning of the question. How are you doing?  “Not you too”. 

“C’mon, I’m just checking on ya (Y/N). Making sure you’re ok. Took me a minute but then I remembered you showed me the picture a few months ago.” His gaze focuses back on the road giving you at least the relief from his stare down. “First Iwa, now you. And I know Kuroo is gonna pick my brain the second he gets the chance,” your words come out in a huff of annoyance. “What can we say, we care about ya. The band would flop without our front man.” His tease is enough to lighten the tension that began to grow as you rolled your eyes again. “Our combined hotness would drop by like 90% without me.” 

“More like 5%” He could only laugh as you promptly told him to go to hell, as you turned the music back up some. The rest of the drive was void of any conversation. The only noises coming from the radio and any time either of you would sing along to what was playing out. Atsumu would only shoot you annoyed looks, whenever you’d skip one of the songs he had to which you'd just shrug without a care.  

“Hey Samu.” You and Atsumu spoke at the same time as you slid into the booth. “What are you two sharing a single brain cell now?” Your look of disgust is enough to cause the gray haired twin to laugh. “The only thing I’d ever share with Atsumu is my foot up his ass.” 

“That’s a real cute way of saying you’re the dumb one of us.” The blonde catches the wrist of your arm that aims a punch at his shoulder easily. “Take you and your shitty dye job over there next to your brother,” you mutter pushing your bandmate out of the booth next to you. He obliges, moving so that him and Osamu are both sitting across from you. 

“Now Tsumu’s stupidity is gonna seep into my head.”

 ---- 

“Hello boys, and piss head,” you greet cheerily as you enter the unlocked door of Iwaizumi’s place. You shift the drink carrier in your hand as you remove your bag, lightly placing it on the floor. The owner only raises his eyebrows at you while your guitarist just laughs.”What’d he do now,” You make your rounds handing off the coffee drinks you’d bought for your bandmates. You stop by Iwaizumi first who accepts it with a grateful smile. Next is Kuroo, who raises the cup in thanks. “Every time I hang out with him, I wonder why I do. He sucks,” you speak before handing Atsumu his drink. “Osamu really is the better twin, not by much though.” 

“You claim to hate me, yet you bring me food. Thanks mom,” the bassist mocks. You mutter something about it being the only thing that gets him to shut up before shifting your attention towards Kuroo. “Hey, can you go get our instruments, couldn’t hold them cause of the drinks.” He only nods, you asking him to please lock your door after. 

“We’re filming that song today right?” You nod at Atsumu’s question. While he goes back to typing away on his phone you settle onto the couch next to Iwaizumi. He looks at you and you raise your eyebrows in excitement. He shoots you a small smile and a thumbs up, and you struggle to contain your excitement. You shoot him a knowing look that the two of you have to talk later as Kuroo enters carrying both your guitar cases. “Bring my drink down would you,” is the only thing he says before making his way towards the basement. The three of you wordlessly follow.  

“Why are we doing this song again,”

“Come on old man, it’ll be fun, plus our dear (Y/N) gets to show off that growl today. Doesn't happen very much,” Kuroo smirks at Iwaizumi, shooting you a quick look from where you are tuning your guitar. “Plus, the viewers wanted us to do Gaga.” 

“Oh, you're just happy ya get to be heard more with this song,” Atsumu chimes in before fiddling with his bass. “Maybe,” is Kuroos response as he sits on a stool to tune his own instrument. “Besides, Judas is a pretty badass song. And our arrangement is pretty sick.” Iwaizumi can’t help but agree with you, opting to get the video equipment set up. After he finished you all ran through the song a few times before you were ready to go.  

“Hey guys, we’re Mirrors For Friends,” the four of you said in unison. Before introducing yourselves as individuals. “So, you guys asked, and we answered. You all wanted us to do Lady Gaga so bad,” Kuroo started before pausing for his self-proclaimed dramatic effect. “So, Judas here we are.”

 ----

 “Judas- Gaga” You practically screamed out the last words of the songs, before bursting out into laughter. The entirety of the song both Kuroo and Atsumu were making ridiculous facial expressions at one another, and with you being in the middle of the two, you saw it all. That, paired with post singing adrenaline and the fact that you all were even singing it in the first place seemed absolutely comical You had been so caught in laughter that you didn’t even notice Iwaizumi come up from behind his drums to nudge at camera perched on the tripod in front of you. 

“Fuck- do you guys see what I have to go through with these guys. Iwa is the only normal one,” you joked out after your laughter died down. You ignored the said members exclamations about not being that bad. “Alright that's it for us today, we hope you enjoyed, and we’ll see you when we see you.” You stuck up a peace sign heading towards the camera and picking it up. “Say bye you idiots.  

You first pointed the camera at Kuroo who was the closest to you. “I feel like (Y/N) is catching my double chin at this angle. Stream our songs and we love you.” With that Kuroo just walked off the frame, and you turned towards Atsumu. “Say bye to the video fake blondie.” 

“I just want to say that I’m the hottest member of the band and-hey” Atsumu exclaimed as you just cut his segment short, before walking to Iwaizumi.  

“You know the drill Iwa. Your turn” This time you moved the camera up and down as if you were giving the audience a chance to check him out. “Now this is the real hottest member of this band,” you teased before aimling back towards his face. You stifled your laugh at Atsumu and Kuroo in the background yelling for him to take his shirt off. “I hate this band. See you all in the next video.” With your drummers closing you stopped the recording before letting out a sigh of relief.  

“Well that was exhausting,” you automatically made your way to the couch where you had your laptop resting. “I can probably get this edited and uploaded by tomorrow guys.” You felt the couch dip next to you and the voice of the band’s guitarist. “I can do it. I know it's been an interesting week for you,” he gestures towards your ribcage, where your new tattoo rests under your tshirt. The tone of his voice lets you know there’s no point in countering. When Iwaizumi gets into his band labeled ‘dad’ mode, you won't win. “You're acting as if I have a choice,” you huff handing him the camera’s memory card.  

“Shit- guys, I gotta go. I forgot the team got a last-minute practice match with another school,” Atsumu’s panicked voice cut through the room. “Were done here right?” He looked between the three of you sighing in relief as he quickly started putting up his instrument. “Hey, don’t forget next week we’re at Bauhaus.” He only nodded mindlessly, before making his way to the stairs, before stopping halfway. “That's the 3rd, right?” 

Kuroo’s thumbs out caused him to practically run up the stairs and out the door. Once the bassist leaves, he plopped himself next to you on the other side of the couch. “So lovely band members of mine, what secret are you two keeping from me and Tsumu.”

⤿taglist: @o51oc​ @suna-allie​

a/n: yall know that one tiktok audio from what bgc? wheres like awkwardly quiet then its like “hey guys”--- thats how I feel after coming back to this fic after a month. But yeah life and then more LIFE. So with that, sorry this chapter is kinda awkward writing bc i literally havent written for this in that month at all. Anyways, now that we’ve gotten our band dynamics established we are kicking off the real plot starting next chapter. I still don’t know which boy to do so pls help a loser out. I think I’m gonna take out the possibility of Iwa though ????

[wheretfislou]

hh. i had a longer version of this post but it got way too personal and depressing so i’ll keep this relatively short.

group chats allow me to pop in and out of a conversation whenever i please and the conversation will still go on with or without me there. sometimes i can just watch and that's good enough for me.

posting things and having conversations are two completely different things. one requires constant input-output between two or more people back and forth, the other is screaming into a void where people can respond but they don’t have to and it’s not an expectation to respond with anything other than a ‘like’ on the post. one is something i have the energy for, the other is not.

so like if yall see me posting stuff but i’m not talking to you, or keysmashing in a group chat and then immediately disappearing afterward please don’t ever take it personally. i’m tired. most people require social interaction. most people get lonely without it. most people find it fun to talk to people for hours on end and aren’t satisfied with just a few seconds of talking. 

long story short, i’m the exact opposite. 

trust me, i wish i could be normal too, and wish i needed to be social the same way other people do. but i’m not and i can’t. 

it’s been growing to become too much for me lately, and it’s not because of one single person so pls don’t think it’s your fault if you enjoy talking to me recently. i enjoy talking to you too but it’s sapping my energy every day and i can’t multitask, and when i’m not taking breaks, i can’t keep dropping everything i need to get done for the sake of a conversation. still, it’s not and has never been your fault. i rlly just. don’t want to talk to anyone one-on-one for now unless you need something factual and urgent from me, or unless it’s on my own terms. 

i literally am fine, my mental state of being is fine, but it won’t be if i keep making myself talk to every single person who seems to want to talk to me every day. and i know this bc it already happened with my irl friends once before. where most people need to be social, i straight up need to be alone. and maybe it’s hard for people to wrap their heads around... but it’s hard for me to understand why people willingly want to talk to others for extended periods of time, so same hat. 

i do want to be there for people, i do care about all of my friends. the fact that i’m wired this way doesn’t stop me from caring and it never has. i’m here to listen, i’m here to be by your side always but that’s all i can offer right now; i seriously cannot respond back with words or i feel like i’ll go insane. but i’m always here. and i always care, no matter how low my energy levels are. so. ofc my dms are always open. but if i don’t respond, it doesn’t mean i don’t care

[santoteez]

The Dormant Beast - Jongho (2)

Read Part 1 HERE

Part: 2 of ?

Idol: Jongho of ATEEZ

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Friends to Lovers

Word Count: 1,490 (i think)

Warnings: Slight prejudice and bullying (non-racial and it’s not body shame either) MC is Black Female

Crescent shut the door to her two-story home, walking into the kitchen. She grabbed ice from the freezer, applying it directly to her knuckles, sighing in relief.

A couple of Doberman auras ambushed her on her way home, the moment she parted ways with Jongho. Cowards, all of them. They wouldn’t dare attack her when he was around. Hell, they wouldn’t dare attack anyone with such a domesticated animal as their aura. But without an aura, Crescent was at everyone’s mercy. So, she did what she knew best.

She beat the shit out of them.

They eventually ran out of energy, allowing Crescent to slip away. She headed upstairs to her room, slipping into a tank top and shorts. She attempted her homework, but her mind kept going back to The Void. He was getting closer and closer, and her loved ones had pretty strong auras, which put them on his hit list. She pinched the bridge of her nose. She wished she wasn’t so useless.

“Why couldn’t I have been a dog? Even a mouse would be useful in the right situation! Way better than a human.” She said, doodling on her paper.

Suddenly, her door swings open, and her brown eyes are staring straight into big, gold ones.

“IS THAT SELF-LOATHING I HEAR?” She said, whisking Crescent away from her desk, up the stairs, and out to the roof.

“Can you NOT run with me in your arms? You’re too fast for my slow brain.”

“Again with the negativity? Relax little one, your big sister’s got you.” Eclipse said, popping up with a six-pack of beers from the fridge.

“You know Mom and Dad would kill you if they found out you gave me these, right?”

“It’s a good thing I’m faster than them. In and out of the store before they blink.” Eclipse winked.

Crescent shook her head but grabbed a bottle nonetheless. This was Eclipse’s way of lightening the mood: alcohol. Ever since her sister realized her…condition, she did everything in her power to lift her spirits whenever she got into one of her funks.

“What’s on your mind this time?” Eclipse asked, taking a swig from her own bottle.

Crescent leaned against the railing, looking out onto the street. “The Void.”

Eclipse sighed. “I told you not to worry about that.”

The younger girl shook her head. “What if he comes for you, Clips?” She said in a small voice.

“Listen to me. I don’t want you thinking like that, okay? He’d have to catch me first. And plus, there isn’t a person in this world that can take me from your side.” She hugged her little sister. “Besides, if by some weird chance he does get to me, I know you’re in good hands.”

Crescent rolled her eyes. “I’m guessing you don’t mean Mom and Dad.”

“He’s so good for you, Cres. The way he cares for you, looks at you when you aren’t looking! He’s gone above and beyond to help you find your aura! How many 14-year-olds would have spent their allowance on some sketchy potion that wasn’t even for their benefit? All the signs are there, Cres. You just can’t see it.”

“Even if I did see it, it would hurt less to be blind. The top of the food chain doesn’t fall in love with the bottom of the barrel. You know how this goes, Clips.”

“And how many times do I have to tell you he doesn’t care about the damn hierarchy? Think about it, according to the rules, he’s supposed to be head over heels for Desire, ignore you, and be overly violent when putting others in check. But none of that has happened. He gives you his undivided attention and is a docile leader. He’s nothing like the rest of this town, and neither are you. That’s what makes you perfect.”

Crescent shook her head. “He’d be shunned if he was ever with me romantically. I can’t do that to him. He’s already seen as less of a leader for associating with the ‘challenged one.’ Sometimes it’s best to leave things alone. There are better things Jongho could do. Better girls he could be with.”

“And yet, there he is. Walking up to our house. Right now. Look down.” Eclipse said, cracking open another beer.

Crescent tiptoed to peek over the railing. Just as Eclipse said, there was Jongho crossing the street to her house. Just then he looked up, smiling and waving when he caught her eye.

“Are you guys drinking again?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Why? You want one?” Eclipse asked.

“It’s Monday afternoon.”

“Sooo…Is that a yes?”

Jongho shook his head. “Cres! Look what I finally got off the waiting list at the library!” He fished out a DVD from his backpack. It was the last season of Marvin, an old sitcom from auraless times. They had put in the request months ago, never expecting to see the day it was fulfilled.

“No way! There was a thirty-person long wait!” Crescent called out.

“Apparently, the line just suddenly cleared up. Let’s pop this bad boy in!”

“Coming! I’ll make popcorn.” Crescent called out. She started down the stairs. “You comin, Clips?”

“And let this beer go to waste? I’ll pass. Have fun on your date.”

“C’mon, Clips. Just friends.” She left downstairs.

“That’s what you think, lil sis. But you have NO idea.” Eclipse said, taking another swig.

Downstairs, Crescent let Jongho in.

“It’s about time you came back indoors. You look cold.” He said, glancing down at her chest.

Crescent smacked his arm. “You’re just greasy.” She said, earning a laugh from Jongho.

“Choi boy. I see you are invading my house. Again.” A dark skin man with thin-rimmed glasses emerged from the back of the house.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Moon. How are you?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, boy? Just call me Lunar.”

“I’m sorry, Lunar. How’s everything? How’s the book coming along.”

Lunar sighed. “Somedays more than others. But, it’s on its way. What are you two kids getting into today.”

“Marvin!” Crescent said, her response muffled by the popcorn in her mouth.

“I see. Well, if you need me, I’ll be in my dungeon. And no funny business. Like telling my daughter she looks cold. Understood?” Lunar pressed, his eyes showing a glint of hyena green.

“It won’t happen again, Lunar. You have my word.” Jongho said, unfazed.

Lunar nodded, heading back the same way he came. “And tell your sister she’s not fooling anyone stealing my booze and running to replace it.”

“Ignore him. He knows that if he so much as touched a hair on your head, he’ll have to deal with me.” Crescent said as they climbed the stairs.

“Your dad is a hyena. He’ll find a way around your little clause. Besides, it’s not hard to abide by his rules. It’s understandable he wouldn’t like a comment like that.”

Crescent shook her head. “You’re really a big softie, huh?”

Jongho smiled, popping the DVD in. They relaxed on the bed as the intro blared through the speakers.

Minutes turned into hours, and the tv was soon watching the pair napping when a sudden gust of wind engulfed the room. Jongho jumped up immediately, noticing the window was now wide open.

“Crescent, get up. Someone’s in here.”

“What?” Crescent said, looking around. “I can’t see anything.”

But Jongho, with the keen eyesight of a gorilla, knew better. He noticed the fingerprints on the sill, fresh.

“Wait here. I’ll check the hall.”

But that was Jongho’s mistake.

The minute he turned his head, Crescent screamed, a masked individual snatching her up.

“Crescent!” Jongho shouted, grabbing onto her just as she was being pulled out the window.

“Jongho! Pull me back in!”

Straining to hold on, Jongho gritted “I didn’t have time to power up! I’m using my human strength, but it’s not enough!” He shouted, his converse scuffing the windowsill. He was sliding off.

“Jongho, please don’t let go!”

“I’m trying!” He said, but whatever aura this person was, it was strong. Jongho slipped out of the window, falling out to the front lawn, and unfortunately, letting go of Crescent.

“Jongho!”

“Crescent!” Jongho shouted, finally powering up. But it was too late. This was a flying aura, and Jongho couldn’t outrun it. Just stand back as his best friend was whisked away.

The masked person flew for what seemed like hours, until they reached the Enchanted Ocean, miles away from town.

“What are we doing here? Who are you? What are you gonna do to me?” Crescent asked. The person turned to her, immediately letting go as she screamed.

‘This is it, I’m gonna die.’ Crescent thought to herself.

But what Crescent wasn’t expecting was instead of water, her lungs seemed to be filled with newfound oxygen. No matter how many times she breathed in, she exhaled unscathed.

“What the fuck,” She said to herself, “I can breathe underwater?”

dONT HATE ME FOR THE CLIFFHANGER PLEASE I LOVE YALL

But anyways, Stephie here! The story is kicking up, now the fun can begin >:)

[hobimysun-shine]

bts as billie eilish songs

I love both artist so much because they are so diverse, so driven and in love with their art, so here’s what my mind created at 2am when i actually gotta study for an exam, but anyhow, enjoy

Jeon Jungkook - Ocean eyes 

“Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind Careful creature Made friends with time”

- color scheme: Venice lavender; purple rain; valor blue 

- grey clouds, quiet ocean, salty air, cold sand, bare feet, long sweater, careful wind, watery eyes, 

- angelic, naive, trusting, incapable of stopping emotions

- a feel of uncertainty for the future, because you still have so much to experience in life, it’s hard to know who to trust, where to go and what your tears mean, who you should give them to 

- young love, pain

- it basically speaks of someone who is impressed by another human - love based on instinct and intuition, when you’re young you just feel things, even if you don’t know where these emotions come from (jungkook-namjoon relationship) ; 

- trusting someone by the feeling you get around them, without being able to trust your common sense,

- have you seen jungkook’s beautiful, ocean, doe eyes ?? (if not, then wth you doin’ with your life))

Park Jimin - idontwannabeyouanymore

“I just wish you could feel what you say Show, never tell But I know you too well Got a mood that you wish you could sell

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I don't wanna be you anymore”

- color scheme: pale smoke; scotch mist; apple blossom 

- cold air, morning dew, raindrops at the bottom of your window, the fabric softener your mom uses to wash your sheets, soft breathing on the side of your neck, white mirrors 

-  self-persuasion, self-critique, inner conflict, serenity, content, libra’s aesthetic approach

- if you have listened to lie and looked at the lyrics, you know why i chose this song for jimin 

- you basically get the feeling that the person is speaking to himself in this song, trying to find an answer, as to why he puts himself through all these hardships, when he could break free from this vacuum of perfectionism he created for himself

- let’s be real, we all know what jimin had to go through and maybe is still going through with being too harsh on himself, with his body image and his appearance on stage, i hope he is doing well now and is content with himself, cause he is a 100/10 and we all love him so much 

Kim Taehyung - hostage; my boy 

“I wanna be alone Alone with you - does that make sense? I wanna steal your soul”

“ My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar”

- color scheme: concord purple; red wine; aurum gold

- big windows, night sky, city view, studio apartment, dark walls, smell of acrylic paint, ripped jeans with that paint splattered on them, acoustic guitars on the walls, quiet jazz music, film paper smoke, deep laughter, strong arms around your waist

- artistic freedom, no fear of judgement, mutual understanding, chest butterflies, assurance, hope, soulmates, in tune with your emotions, who cares if the world doesn’t get us, we get us

- hostage just reminds me of two people, who connect on a soul level so much, that what happens is their love turns into mutual engagement, similar to keeping each other as hostages in their hearts, however i wanted to turn the meaning of that song less toxic for taehyung,, 

- i believe that if there’s a member that would want to connect with people in such level as the song suggests, it would be taehyung

- as for my boy, idk it just gives me a similar base line as in singularity, and i don’t know it’s just probably my fave song of billie and i feel like it is just taehyung’s vibe when i listen to it 

Jung Hoseok - bellyache

“ Everything I do the way I wear my noose Like a necklace I wanna make 'em scared like I could be anywhere Like I'm wreck-less

I lost my mind I don't mind “

- color scheme: marigold yellow; apricot orange; candy red

- summer heat, tan skin, blushed cheeks, endless roads, loose shirts, scratched knees, rich kids away from home, one backpack and a shiny red ford convertible from your bf’s dad’s garage, loud music, lips, swollen from kissing, night fireworks

- fed up with everything, escape from reality, that one summer you will never forget, vibrant love, point of no return, rhythm, gut intuition, boldness 

- i don’t know exactly either, it’s just these are the connections i make when i hear this song, and all of that screams hobi to me (aries moon) 

- also am i the only one who imagines he would make a killer dance routine to that song (but again he could probably dance to a water drops going down a pipe, so,,)

Namjoon - bury a friend; copycat 

“What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go? “

“ Perfect murder, take your aim I don't belong to anyone, but everybody knows my name”

- color scheme: pearl river; silver fox, steel wood

- empty stage, burning projectors slowly being turned off, microphone heavy in your hand, as the words that went though it start to make sense, sweaty hair, footsteps echoing in the vast space, feeling of falling down, unexpected, but comforting hug, security, the calming scent of someone you know in this new environment, tears of fear and excitement at the same time, new life, new beginning

-  words said out loud, revenge, mixed feeling of content and fast approaching emptiness, always racing thoughts, insomnia, trying to fill a void, searching for an overall meaning, 

- so bury a friend is just has all these questions man. they remind me of rm’s mind. i feel like all of them are things he had already asked himself, or themes he implies in his songs too 

- copycat is for namjoon swiftly leading a group that got a ton of criticism in the beginning and is still getting hate, but regardless he manages to stay on top, write what he feels, be a real artist and throw everything people said about bts failing back at their faces 

Min Yoongi - lovely ; you should see me in a crown 

“Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear”

“ You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one”

- color scheme: marble white; smoke ember; royal silver;  

- dark room, cold hands, shaky breath, unable to look at each other’s eyes, fear of the outside and the inside, pocket money, long fingers pressing the out-of-tune piano keys, weary smiles, small steps

                                          (....)

 steady hands, marble walls, scent of freshly printed documents, looking through a box of old photo albums your mom sent, turning the pages a larger hand stops you from flipping the next page, two teenagers than look awfully like you two are staring back fearfully, low chuckles, eyes full of love  

- strong minds, growth, stability, strength, control, prosperity, hard work, passion, ambition

- lovely is in here because i feel like it portrays struggles with mental health and depression very well. you feel trapped and you feel like there is no one else who understands your personal hell and you are the only one who has to find a way for yourself to get out of that place. yoongi has been in such places before as we’ve heard from him and his lyrics, so i though lovely represents his struggles when he was younger

- you should see me in a crown. literally that’s all i can say, he worked for his success and he got it and he deserves it and he is killing it right now

- yall don’t know the amount of respect i got for this man and everything he has been through and i feel like these two songs portray his lowest and his highest in life and take account every struggle along the way and how he truly deserves everything he has right now 

Kim Seokjin - when the party’s over

“ Don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose you, can't afford to

Don't you know too much already I'll only hurt you if you let me

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that”

- color scheme: night snow, onyx black, muddy grey

- smell of liquor, messy steps, blurred vision, flood of thoughts, the darkest time of the night, dried streams of tears on your cheeks, your boyfriend’s hand quietly holding yours, but them you have to split ways, walking alone on the dead street, cold wind air hitting your face, but you find comfort in it, you reach home, but you can’t seem to go in; so you sit on the sidewalk, looking down; you hear distant steps; he sits down in the snow next to you; the sky slowly, but surely becomes lighter 

- quiet sadness, deeper understanding of the world, human relationships seem harder, yet simpler, timeless feeling, a sense of maturity

- this song is just a masterpiece. hear me out, i don’t think i would understand this song as well as i do now, if i have listened to it a few years back. I would have been like “oh yeah it’s sad”

-But like. no. It’s not just sad. It’s a song that shows so much maturity and experience with life that first of all, idk how billie is so young and is able to create music like that. Second of all i don’t think anyone else of bts would fit better to it, than jin 

- people tend to overlook his deeper emotions because he tends to distract from them, he always acts “silly” and tells jokes, but i feel like in songs like epiphany and awake we can see that jin really sees the world and his abilities from a much more mature point of view than other members. And i get the same vibe from billie’s song, so i feel like it would fit best for jin. 

So actually this was way longer than i planned, but yeah, this is just strictly my opinion and it was just an idea i had at 3am now, as i said, hope it’s fun to read :))

im off to bed, because i’m so sleep deprived i will start hearing colors soon 

[hurglewurm]

12.07.17 get ready I saw falsettos in theatres

it’s always fun being in a theatre mostly full of teenage girls, young gay men, and old couples, (and me and my mum), and just crying a whole bunch. collectively. as a group. anyway below are some chronologically segmented thoughts on this experience™ warning it’s long

“four jews” was so good, so bouncy, so happy. I love my kids. To Be Honest I was already crying a bit tho from the start just with the. uh. knowledge of what is to come

by “tight-knit family” christian borle was Already sweating and honestly, same

in “love is blind”: 

the “daddy’s kissing boys” kiss was SEEN and REMEMBERED because BOY HOWDY they MADE OUT

and before that happened andrew did an eyebrow waggle?? and a “come hither” crooked finger beckoning marvin near??? help??

“but so am IIIIIIIIIIII” I love brandon uranowitz, I love mendel

I watched andrew rannells as he did the “ah-ah” and he was a FLAWLESS boy, thank you camera crew for giving this to me

“the thrill of first love”

was so much more??? sexual??????? than I’ve ever seen it be??? andrew rannells put your tongue bACK in your mouth, oh my god

they. were. PALPABLE. that is all I can say

their little bickering and random spurts of dialogue were cute tho. like after The Kiss, whizzer said “that’s all you get” and I was like lmao my boy

legit I’m not joking about how steamy it was like they were mouth to mouth breathing the same air by the last “LOOOOOOOVE” and I was sweating

in “marvin at the psychiatrist” anthony rosenthal is the purest boy, best boy, absolutely flawless, KILLED IT YALL HE DID THAT. VERY PROUD

in “everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist” 

whizzer stared at marvin for sO LONG after the flick. 

also can I just mention? andrew rannells? as whizzer? loves jason so much, and you can really tell

in “this had better come to a stop” the fluidity with which andrew rannells delivers his L’s in “late for dinner late again” is just incredible honestly, never fails to impress

“I’m breaking down” 

was the first song where the cinema audience clapped really hard along with the filmed audience. 

yall sjb killed it, she killed me, it was amazing. 

she d e s e c r a t e d that banana

“please come to our house”:

“hello to my house, so good of you to travel on account of my unraveling now let’s eat some food” anthony rosenthal’s fake smile was so on point during the delivery of this entire line and I was like. my boy

“I’ll wait for yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuu” trina held that note for SO long as she left the room, smiling shyly at mendel, and it was cUTE

“a marriage proposal”:

I LOVE MY PARENTS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER GOD BLESS

“I’m… not a giant man” “good” AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

THEY CONTINUE KISSING EVEN AS MARVIN STARTS SINGING OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE AND THEN THEY HUG THIS IS V IMPORTANT INFORMATION

“a tight-knit family reprise”:

mendel is so??? happy???? marvin pls let him live

“king of the losers” “at eighty an hour” the camera man was just ON MENDEL like. yes my boy deliver it

“I just got a family” “the family was mine” still fuckin gets me. damn. mendel is so happy and just?? full of bliss at his new life??? and marvin is so… act one marvin… you get me

“march of the falsettos”: 

Excellent

bran uran’s voice sounded so strained my poor boy

whizzer: “stop pulling my shorts!” marvin: “they’re so hard to take off!” oh my god

whizzer screaming into the void for the blocks to be thrown up like: “hit me! another one!” 

the finger thing with marvin and whizzer? yeah that happened. they both gasped in fear

“the chess game”

bitch it was t e n s e

idk andrew rannells made the choice to call marvin “man” a whole bunch in this production and??? ok

after marvin storms off, whizzer is like “mARVIN” still in that growly voice from the last “life’s a sham” (nice) and he starts to say “it was just a g—” and then he sees marvin and goes. quiet

also from midway through this song until the end of act one, andrew rannells has this big Curl of Messy Hair in the middle of his forehead and I’m sorry but it was a blessed sight

“making a home”

hi the little zooms on whizzer? unpacking his suitcase in the corner? being sad? broke my heart, thanks

“could he love me?” the angle of the shot had happy mendel in front and whizzer kind of behind him off to the side and stop this, camera crew, stop

for “the games I play” I have no words. andrew did so good. so good. he was so sad. and he hIT those high notes yES boy. the audience clapped a bit after this one

“marvin hits trina”

he just barges into their house and starts yelling and tears up their wedding invitation like holy fuck marvin, what is ur damage

“I am so dumb.” and there is the longest silence as he walks all the way around before he starts his Lil Rampage

the actual Hit was p quiet but that’s what makes it all the more poignant, because you can hear trina’s little cry of shock and pain, and it takes her a second to bring a hand up to her cheek

after the Hit someone behind me in the audience just. let out an audible breath, like the wind got knocked out of them, and I was like. same bitch

“I never wanted to love you”

EVERYONE. ON STAGE. WAS CRYING. 

the mood of this musical changes so quickly when it gets to this song and it’s. Good. like it cleaves my heart in twain don’t think it doesn’t but it’s. good

trina needs a fucking hug (and mendel is going to give her 20)

“how do I start… not to love you” FUCK

whenever marvin looks at jason tbh my heart hurts bye. which bRINGS US TO

“father to son”

the pure adoration and faint amusement on marvin’s face as his son is all like “I think… girls are” like it’s so cUTE

near the end as marvin was singing about love the camera just showed us whizzer? sitting alone in the dark? leaning his head on a corner of the Cube™? how dare you

anyway christian borle was crying and so was I

act two time because there was no intermission which was…  not great to be honest oops

“falsettoland”

bran uran had little glow sticks in each hand and at “homosexuals” he just pointed at the audience and the music stalled as he just waved about at them like “YALL ARE ALL GAY JUST TAKE IT”

“and a teeny tiny band” a bunch of little paper cutouts of the band rose up from the Band Area Void and bran uran did a little dance to incite people to love and cherish the band (always love and cherish the band guys they’re so good they do such a good job)

“nancy reagan” andrew slapped the blow up doll so hard lmao

“spiky lesbians” EVERYONE CHEERED AND I WAS LIKE DAMN RIGHT

in “about time” marvin holds jason close and is like “as mature as my son who is tHIS TALL!! that’s all!!” and you really can see… just how much he’s changed, my boy,

“year of the child”:

anthony rosenthal is the cutest kid alive

his little dance between his parents as they’re all like “my chiiiiild” is. just. incredible

“I’ll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks” mendel says out of the corner of his mouth, as he tucks jason under his arm and leads him away, like a bad influence

“the baseball game”

when whizzer first appeared and marvin was all “what is he doing here??” he hid behind charlotte while simultaneously trying to get a good look at whizzer and it was. adorable

whenever marvin touched whizzer’s hair, whizzer couldn’t keep the smile off his face. I’m deceased

“how would I know… without him… my life would be flat as a lake” ok but who is responsible for this lmao

“would it be possible to see you or to…......... kiss you” BASHFUL MARVIN I REPEAT BASHFUL MARVIN

“a day in falsettoland”

“yEEEESSS IiiIiiIII dOOOooOoO” u already know it was perfect, I don’t need to tell you

charlotte pulled cordelia in with the apron and their part of the stage went dark but they kissed, they did, saw it with my own two gay little eyes

“what more can I say”

TOO… SOFT… HELP

andrew had his leggy out

before whizzer rolled over he?? gave marvin a lil kiss on the cheek? it was really audible????? I’m???

when marvin looked under the sheet, instead of his customary simple eyebrow waggle, this man Dared to laugh in delight along with the audience like “yes I love this boy he is mine and I am his and that’s incredible”

ALSO AT THE END when they both just cuddle into each other they… kissed each other’s faces a bunch… h e lp me

“something bad is happening”

charlotte is so upset and I am upset because hERE WE GO

“more racquetball”

the costume department is full of geniuses tbh like the loosening of whizzer’s costume? genuinely just looked like the poor man had lost a bunch of weight

he fell so hard and abruptly and something in me fell with him

“I’m sorry” HIS FACE CRUMPLED AND HE STARTED CRYING

“days like this”

someone forgot to turn on andrew’s mic at the beginning so his mouth said “good morning” but you couldn’t hear it

“kid you’re looking very good today” whizzer just gives a self-deprecating smile and he. he Knows. 

cordelia’s laugh is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my life

“I’ll let you win, whizzer” “don’t let me win…” “I’ll let you win” I’m really upset, whizzer looked so… wrecked

at the end of “cancelling the bar mitzvah” mendel’s fucking “why don’t we tell him that we don’t have the answers” whole thing got me w r e c k e d. he says those lines like a man who knows how awful it is, but he knows how true it is, and he’s helpless to stop it

“unlikely lovers”

“marvin? did you hear what I said?” they were both crying, you could hear the tears in andrew’s voice, and christian borle kept… sobbing… between his lines… 

like when marvin stopped singing and cordelia/charlotte were at the door he just had to crumple for a moment and just lie there shaking?? a broken man?? just to recuperate for the next bit of the song? kill me

the way marvin looks people in the eye and just says “I love you” with the softest voice. god

so “something bad is happening reprise”: charlotte sang this directly to marvin, a steadying hand on his elbow, peering into his eyes past her own film of tears to make sure he understands what she’s saying. and he does. and he just turns away and walks off

“you gotta die sometime”

when he swung his legs out of bed his voice broke from the effort

he got really choked up after the second verse and he was openly crying by the end of it (still killed it tho, my boy)

this is my favourite song but I can’t watch anyone sing it ever

“jason’s bar mitzvah”

jason rushes in, bubbly and cheerful, and andrew is still fucking sobbing and it takes him a while to come down from it and everything hurts

“don’t know why, but he looks… like marvin” fucking crying already and then there’s a little pause, jason is really agitated, and marvin just whispered something like “hey you got this” and I WEPT

marvin kissed jason’s head. he loves this boy so much

whizzer also kissed jason’s head??? jason has so many dads who all love him so much

whizzer’s “thank you” was just a whisper but it rang through the theatre and then it was so quiet. I could not breathe in the space after whizzer’s final line. (I mean I was sobbing but I was real quiet about it)

“what would I do”

andrew was crying, christian was crying, I was crying, it was beautiful tho

whizzer just walks out in his pristine white shirt and it’s. it’s poignant. it’s such a stark contrast from the last time we saw him, it hits really hard

“I’d like to believe that I’d do it again and again and again” the crescendo that christian puts in these lines leading to that really Powerful last “again” shakes me to my fucking core (and yeah, makes me cry, you guessed it)

“we’re just gonna skip that stage” it sounded like it hurt to say that. it hurt to hear it too

just in general there’s this softness to christian borle’s voice when it’s live that’s not really there in the cast recording but it’s really, really beautiful

whizzer gives him one last, sad, little smile before the lights change

there were three men sitting beside me and my mother and they were all sobbing

“falsettoland reprise”

marvin buried his face in his hands for most of this, but there were moments where he didn’t, where he tried to be strong in the face of his loss. he couldn’t do it anymore once they put the gravestone down. 

to be honest i could barely see jason put the chess piece down because everything was too blurry from my tears

as my mother put it, “there was no catharsis at the end. it was really, really sad. but it was realistic about that, about death, and love, and everything.”

20000000/10 would watch again, please release a dvd

[minhopak-blog]

hi yall! i’m r, i’m 21 and i’m from nz and this is my dumbass son milo. i’m gonna include a lil (maybe not so lil lmao) backstory under the cut so feel free to read on! i’ll add a tl;dr at the end in case this shit gets out of hand (it most likely will lmao) so yeah! i’m pumped to be here. please hmu for plots or like this and i’ll message you!!

tw: dysphoria mention, suicidal ideation, mental illness, transphobia mention

pak min-ho is a first generation korean-american from philadelphia. his father immigrated to america as a toddler with his parents, while his mother was a recent immigrant. he was born as min-ji – designated female at birth, min-ho was raised as a girl. 

milo’s parents split shortly after he was born – his father stayed in contact for a few years, before ultimately disappearing from his then-daughter’s life the week after milo’s fifth birthday. min-ho hasn’t seen him since – even if he did, he doubts his father would recognize him.

milo grew up living just with his mom, as she had no immediate family in the states other than her older brother. he spent a lot of time with his uncle, until he moved back to south korea when min-ho was twelve, much to his disappointment.

milo knew he wasn’t a girl from a very early age - for as long as he can remember, really. he didn’t necessarily realize or acknowledge it for a long time, but even in his early years there was an undercurrent of this is wrong. 

milo played hockey v competitively from childhood - he’s one of those really disgustingly competitive people when it comes to something he cares about. he’s always been an athlete, focused heavily on his sport - he really only went to school to eat his lunch and play hockey.

by age fourteen, dysphoria was hitting milo hard. the onset of puberty was particularly triggering for him - it was then that he began to realize that he wasn’t just a “tomboy” or whatever bullshit people had said he was. he was a real boy. he kept it to himself for a while, afraid of his mother’s reaction. she had always supported him through everything, but this was big. different. 

it really began to affect his mental health - he withdrew in on himself, the soul-crushing dysphoria almost too much to bare. he felt like he was crawling out of his skin all the time - being referred to by female pronouns make him sick to his stomach. he wasn’t a ‘young lady’ or someone’s ‘darling’ or ‘good girl’. it all made him want to fucking die, something which he’d begun almost fantasising about. his self-loathing helped this ideation blossom, presented it as a little glowing exit sign.

milo’s mother picked up on her child’s behaviour - the change in demeanour was definitely unsettling. though she often asked min-ho if he was okay, he always brushed it off until one night everything came to a head. his mother confronted him - there was an argument, milo getting defensive as his mother pried about his mental health until he finally just came out with it. he yelled and screamed and cried - he told her everything, about his dysphoria and his urge to end it. 

milo’s mom struggled with the knowledge at first - milo felt worse about it all until she finally came around. she still found it hard, sometimes saying the wrong things, but she started helping. he began transitioning socially, his mom buying him his first binder and letting him change his name. the medical side of things came a while after - almost a year after he came out to her, he’d finally jumped through all the hoops he had to to get approved to go on T. he started not long after his 16th birthday. there was some trouble at first - it made hockey more difficult, as he switched teams. the boys on the side were definitely a little unfriendly at first - milo had more than one scuffle with the ones that got mouthy about him being trans. eventually they accepted him, though - his skill on the ice definitely helped in that aspect. 

milo got top surgery a month after he graduated - it was one of the best days of his life, waking up to a properly flat chest. he’d never had much there to begin with, but it was nice to have nothing other than the pectorals he’d built up in the gym and on the ice. 

milo didn’t go to college - a scholarship offer had fallen through, and he didn’t necessarily want to attend college anyway. he was never a super successful student - he didn’t have the brain for traditional learning. 

after he’d recovered from surgery milo moved to south korea to live with his uncle - his mom had married by that point, and she was happy to stay in the states with her new husband. 

in korea, milo found work at a security company owned by a friend of his uncle’s from his military days. it was quite a developed company, working for a lot of higher up business types as well as various celebrities. milo was thoroughly trained before he began work, the training camp taking more than half a year to complete. 

milo’s first job was guarding some b-grade idol type during their debut - he took to the line of work well. it filled the physical work-void hockey left behind. he had a string of short-lived jobs after that, going between both the celebrity and business world. 

he was assigned to guard a rather prominent politician not long after his 20th birthday - he was very young in comparison to a lot of the other personal security workers, but he was eager to prove himself. he’d been trained by the best - his boss had been the personal bodyguard of a former prime minister, and a number of the other members of the company had worked for prominent politicians and members of the yi family. 

after the spate of business and political jobs, min-ho was pulled from that realm, and pushed into something more serious. he’d impressed his boss with his work ethic and dedication to his work, enough to be chosen for a job when the house of yi requested more guards after the move to shanghai.

there was a touch of culture shock after min-ho was approved and he moved to attend his new position - growing up relatively blue-collar, min-ho is still astounded by the level of wealth shown by these kids. he likes his new position well-enough, though - it feels a lot less like being a glorified baby-sitter when you’re not the sole personal bodyguard. no longer having to drag drunken old korean men back to their homes after a particularly wild gala dinner is definitely a plus. 

min-ho has been in his new position for a few months now - he’s living v stealth, as he has been since he moved to korea. he can count on one hand the number of people that know he’s trans - he already feels like a black sheep with his american upbringing - he doesn’t want or need the kind of attention that comes with being out, either. 

SO TL;DR

min-ho is a nearly 22 yr old transman from philly. he grew up in the states but moved to south korea after he graduated high school. he trained to be a bodyguard and now works for the house of yi! personality wise min-ho is quite reserved - not through shyness, but simply because he doesn’t let people in all that often. he is v defensive and protective of himself as a person and of his identity. he still struggles often with his dysphoria (though it’s definitely more manageable now) so that also lends to him distancing himself from people a lot. he takes his jobs v seriously when he’s working, but he can let loose too. when he actually manages to make friends with people he relaxes a lot - he can actually be a pretty chill, fun dude when he’s not being a total work-crazed grump. he’s also a lowkey former jock so he can be kinda tooly and he cuts the sleeves off of a lot of his shirts. (fuckin loser)

so yeah! if you read any of this ur the illest. hmu for plots or like this rambly ass post and i’ll message you!!