#season 4 what a mindfuck

[t0ast-ghost]

Hmmm mmmmmm I have so many boys thoughts and since I’m not sleeping tonight I guess I’ll write them down:

(Spoilers for the Boys season 4. Don’t cry over spoiled milk show! Go watch it for yourself)

- Truthfully I didn’t like Hughie in the second episode they just made him (super forcefully) bring up his mom. I did really like all his other bits though especially the stuff we’re getting into with a-train (really hope they actually go through with giving him plot, since he’s supposed to be the main character and all that or whatever)

- every time a character got close to another I legitimately asked if they were gonna kiss

- butcher is my wet cat sad puppy murdering babygirl, he’s slaying this season by actually communicating and I hope it stays that way

- This is the second time I’ve seen Jeffrey Dean Morgan play a horrible person willing to weaponize children for their cause… and he’s good at playing that part (I feel they gave his character a lot of what Butcher was in the comics)

- I really do like what they’re doing with A-Train

- I really do hate what they’re doing with Annie and Firecracker, I get they have to have personal conflict but this feels shallow and although it’s believable that this grudge would last I think there should have been more thought put into the stakes of their relationship (Curry and Moriaty’s acting was so good for the bit where Firecracker threatens her but the stakes are so low and the hatred in the writing doesn’t feel built up enough for her to have that big of a reaction to the threat)

- Going back to Hughie and his mom, I think Quaid’s acting for the bits with his mom were phenomenal, I could relate to his frustration and his sadness was palpable. I think a lot of their moments didn’t feel great and I couldn’t put my finger on it but the conversation about how her depression lead to her leaving felt like the truth finally came out and now it’s hopefully going to feel a bit more like things are moving forward for them

- I’m a little surprised they actually had a character like splinter. Simply because he felt straight out of the comics, and I know how much they’ve veered away from the comics. I really liked the scene where Butcher got to take out a bunch of them simply cause he got to be good ‘ol Billy Butcher

- Homelander has me on a roller coaster because I was going to write a post while watching about how they write him really well in a mindfuck kind of way because you slowly start realizing you’re relating to his character and you can understand his actions, and right before I wrote that post he told the deep to suck off a train and I stopped dead in my tracks. I was legitimately scared in that moment because that also felt like something out of the comics but the difference is that the tv show wouldn’t or at least didn’t go through with it

- Homelander this season is even more brilliantly acted, and seeing him with Sage is a new interesting experience. I was trying to figure out Sage’s motivations and I thought I knew but really I didn’t know because I was trying to say she was fighting for a cause. That is wrong. She is constantly manipulating the people around her but it is solely to benefit herself and her happiness. Yes, she helps Homelander and is honest with him because that is the best way to keep herself happy and alive. She’s smart enough to know that manipulating him or trying to agree with everything he says will be a dead end. She’s still trying to please him and is ultimately playing by his rules but she’s the smartest player because she knows being inauthentic will only end up losing you power, and if you’re on the end of two hot glowing red orbs anyway, why not at least have an actual say

- The gore is going well so far. I’ve appreciated it. Especially the beetlejuice-esque scene where Kimiko has her face torn off and you only see the back of her head and the reactions

- Ryan has so many good scenes. His scenes with Homelander are punctuated by quiet, you can hear every thought screaming through, but what would saying any of it actually accomplish? His scenes with Butcher are so heartfelt, I’m glad they’re finally able to talk. But Ryan still dealing with his grief and guilt is heartbreaking. And on top of that him thinking that the closest person to his mom seemingly hates him and would never want him adds so much to the emotional confusion that he’s experiencing. He obviously needs to leave Homelander, but he still doesn’t want to leave his dad which makes sense because this is currently the only source of love he has from anyone and it was promised unconditionally (even though it is very conditional)

- Frechie’s gotta tell that guy that he killed his family but I was really glad they gave him a boyfriend. I forgot that him and Kimiko weren’t a thing so I got really excited that Frenchie was getting to be awesome and polyamorous. I am glad that Kimiko has asserted that they are friends tho

- I am so intrigued by the brain worm

Thoughts upon second rewatch:

- Opening could’ve been bloodier or more horrific. They toned it down :( but the flesh and blood melting off that guys face was pretty good. And the Todd scene is pretty horrific.

- The way Ryan and Homelander speak in unison about people being ants is so telling, and makes sense with the later context of Homelander wanting Ryan to be an exact replica of himself

- The way that Ryan in this season is so focussed on fear, because he is scared but the people around him won’t admit to that, so when Butcher finally communicates with him and tells him that he’s most afraid of dying without making amends I think that finally gains Ryan’s trust back

- They really are changing Butcher’s character, he’s not just ‘do thing to get thing and it’s justified by the end result’ he’s finally thinking about the people around him and considering them even if the results aren’t fast. He doesn’t give the info to Vick, he doesn’t drug Ryan, and he’s really trying to help even if he is still being a shit about it

- The talk between Vick and Homelander in the opening is sooooo good cause of HL’s little voice crack, he’s losing it

- KIMIKO PAINTS HER NAILS!!! they’re blue :)

- I feel like Hughie’s hatred towards Vicky is forced upon him. Like I guess he hates that she lied to him (but if he thought about it he’d realize that it’s reasonable for her to want to hide her powers especially since she’s been shamed about them for most of her life) and I get they have very different views with her under vought’s thumb and all. But since they’re recruiting A-Train I’m wondering if there’ll ever be a bit of a redemption for her cause I feel like wanting supes to be allowed to live like normal people is not a bad thing, it’s just that she’s working with people who view supes as superior

- “He killed that poor cunt in broad daylight, and they fucking cheered.” Alongside Homelanders “I save people, they cheer. I fucking kill people, they cheer.” is like, they both understand this fact. Homelander will get what he wants no matter what and Billy wants to take him down a notch. Same as always and yet so many changes.

- I missed that the acid that Hughie threw on Vick was Frenchie’s creation the first time around. Also missed Hughie’s failed pep talk, I love that loser. I didn’t miss that no one else is able to understand Kimiko, which sucks

- I want Karl Urban and Simon Pegg to be in the same room again but that’s just my star trek fan talking

- Is that the first time Hughie and Butcher properly hug in the series?

- There’s a weird obsession with phones this season. Especially with hanging up on people. Also an obsession with “no/yes, sirs” which I think is them upping the show of power dynamics

- I thought that octopus sounded familiar. It’s Tilda Fucking Swinton.

- “He always knew he was destined for greatness, because he came from greatness.” Good job guys. I see your little joke

- I did not notice that all the guys setting up Firecracker’s stage were splinter who is played by Rob Benedict (Chuck in Supernatural)

- One of the background noises at the Truthcon mentions an “Alex Jones look alike contest”

- When Ryan throws Koi against the wall in other shows that would be his turning point. The point in which there’s no going back for him. So I’m really glad that it’s just the point in which he needs to talk to someone, that it really does upset him. Unfortunately he goes from one horribly emotionally repressed man to a slightly less emotionally repressed man who is dying

- I hope whoever that person that Kimiko knows turns into a new found family member

- M. M slowly realizing why Butcher was such a bitch to everyone on the team. And it’s because no one listens. Ever. Unless you’re actively threatening them in one way or another

- I don’t know what that bloody metal rod in Sage’s room means even after a rewatch. So I guess I’ll find out.

- Closing thoughts; bring in more A-Train and Hughie moments (also get people to call him Reggie so I don’t have to write A-Train every time)

Hughie has weed in his desk

If y’all wanna talk about this with me (especially after reading all that) feel free to do so

Uhhh more thoughts here

[lightninginapuddle]

Took me two months to think about this, but when season 2 starts:

- Ed has no idea where Stede is at that point but he clearly isn't onThe Revenge.

- last time Ed saw Lucius alive was right before he pushed him off the ship. Ed probably thinks Lucius is dead.

- the crew aside from Jim and Frenchie were all marooned. I don't think Ed has Stede being with them on his bingo card either.

But then! In episode 3, Ed spends the entire episode in the gravy basket with Hornigold who he hates. He also tries to kill him multiple times but it never takes as he keeps ressucitating. Sounds like a bad trip.

But wait! Ed's between life and death, and he's been talking to himself the whole time. And to conclude his trip in the basket, Stede is here but he's a merman now.

But then! Ed wakes up in episode 4 to :

- Stede holding his hand and standing right above him (just two seconds ago he had a tail! If real Stede with actual legs is here... what the hell is he doing here?!)

- the entire crew being on the ship and Roach offering him a sandwich (when did they get here?!)

- Lucius very much alive (did he ressucitate too?!)

It's such a mindfuck. And not just because of what happened in the gravy basket. I wouldn't know what was real or not if I were him either.

"You're not a fucking mermaid"

Astute, all things considered.

[alchely]

Finally finished Redheaded Stepchildren by ZebraWallpaper, what a masterful story, amazing writing.

Summary: Debbie and Lip's relationship with Ian as seen through their POV after the ending of season 4.

Took a long ass break at the beginning of the second part of the series cause Lip and Fiona are... something in this fic but I decided to get over it and just finish it.

Some things to say about this fic:

It feels dark, like S4 kind of "oh you've hit rock bottom? Let me get a shovel" kinda dark, especially in Lip's POV.

It was written before S5 even aired and yet it somehow predicted character arcs from S5,S6,S7 and beyond with an accuracy that borders on prophetic lol, a mindfuck to read.

If you like Lip, like...really like Lip you will not have a good time with him in this fic.

His opinions of Mickey and Ian's situation in this story is out of this world cruel and while it makes for one of the most cathartic beatdowns I've ever had the privilege of reading, it still means you have to get through all the buildup to it as well.

[crackers4jenn]

"I was thinking, 'Nancy Wheeler, she’s not just another suburban girl who thinks she’s rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does... until that phase passes and they marry some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac. Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it.'"

The way this scene, this quote, has such a chokehold on the Stranger Things fandom to the point that most people refuse to let Steve or Nancy out of the box it pigeonholes them into. I'm always so baffled when people reference it as ✨proof✨ that they shouldn't get back together.

First of all, what Jonathan is doing here is projecting. Big time. He barely even knows Nancy at this point (beyond being his brother's friend's sister) but he's got this idealized version of her in his head and this, you know, Nice Guy complex that makes him think he knows the Real True Nancy, that he's the guy who really sees her for who she is and not who she pretends to be. He says as much to defend his picture taking. "I saw this girl, you know, trying to be someone else. But for that moment, it was like you were alone, or you thought you were. And, you know, you could just be yourself." Which, again, lemme repeat that he barely even knows her.

BUT ACTUALLY. The reason Jonathan is so disparaging is because he has this annihilistic approach to romance/marriage/happily-ever-afters in general based on his own experiences that have NOTHINGGGG to do with who he's even perceiving Nancy to be here. Case in point, fast-forward to season 4. Even when him and Nancy are dating and seemingly headed toward a lifetime together, he can't help but think they'll end up just like his parents based off of nothing but the fact that he doesn't want to go to the same college as her: "the cycle never ends." This is why I say Jonathan was projecting in the scene above. Not because he's full of bullshit but because, first and foremost, he already has trouble believing happy marriages can exist in the first place. So surely Nancy is just going through the motions with Steve, and of course that's just going to lead to resentment. That's the end result, right? Regardless of whether she's dating Steve or with Jonathan himself, it's the ending he assigns to both relationships.

It's also worth noting that, at this point in time, only 5 episodes into the first season, there is definitely a lot of truth in what Jonathan's implying about Steve and Nancy's relationship. Steve's still King Steve at this point, he's only just starting to crawl forward, he hasn't even gotten the thunk on the head he credited Nancy with giving him. So, yeah, it's very easy for Nancy to hear this superficial reading of her and Steve's relationship and want to rebel against it because, at that point, at that exact moment in time, her and Steve very well could have headed down that path.

But the thing is, what you can apply to these s1 characters (by way of this scene) is no longer applicable to their s4 characters - at least where Steve and Nancy are concerned. Nancy once admitted she didn't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage that ended with a cul-de-sac and a husband too checked out to look up from the newspaper. Great news is, that version of who Steve could've been no longer exists. Steve is now the guy who shows up when Nancy is first feeling adrift (present instead of distant,) he's the guy hoping to tag along on her investigative quests (interested instead of dismissive,) he's the guy literally leaping headfirst into danger (active instead of passive,) he's the one holding onto her with both hands during her Vecna mindfuck, he's at her side the entire time once they reunite.

So.

If ever there was a point being made about s1 Steve's incompatibility with Nancy by way of his early-on passivity, then SURELYYYYY there is something to be said about how directly involved s4 Steve was in aiding Nancy and what that says about their CURRENT compatibility.

[omtua22]

Through Time and Lies

Thank you @mangoshorthand for helping develop this idea. This is a little dabble of an alternate version of the Umbrella Academy Season 4. This is my first time writing anything like this, so sorry if it's bad. I just hated what really happened between Five and Lila in the actual season.

The acrid stench of ash and decay hung heavy in the air, a constant reminder of the wasteland I'd called home for the past six years. My fingers tightened around the worn grip of my shotgun as I surveyed the desolate landscape, always on guard for any threat. That's when I saw them—two figures materializing out of thin air, one of them stumbling and clearly injured.

My blood ran cold as I recognized the face of the man. It was... me. An older, more haggard version, but undeniably me. Before I could process this mindfuck of a situation, instinct took over. I raised my gun and fired without hesitation, the crack of the shot echoing across the barren terrain.

The other me crumpled to the ground, a look of shock frozen on his face. The woman accompanying him—dark-haired, wild-eyed—let out a strangled cry and dropped to her knees beside him.

"Five! No, no, no!" she wailed, cradling his head in her lap. Her eyes, filled with tears and desperation, snapped up to meet mine. "Please," she begged, "don't shoot, you trigger happy little squit. You don't understand—"

I cut her off, my voice cold and steady. "I understand perfectly. You brought another version of me here, and now he's dead. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put a bullet in your head too."

The woman—Lila, she'd called herself earlier—took a shaky breath. "Because I can help you see your family again. To get out of this hellhole."

I scoffed. "And why the fuck should I believe anything you say?"

"Because I know things," she insisted. "Things only you would know. I was Diego's wife in another timeline. I knew you—the other you. And damn, it would just be your luck you'd die at your own hand."

I raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "You think dropping Diego's name is gonna make me trust you? Try again, sweetheart."

Lila's eyes narrowed, a hint of her own fire showing through the grief. "Fine. You want proof? Dolores."

The name hit me like a punch to the gut. Dolores. My companion, my confidante, the only thing keeping me sane in this godforsaken wasteland. How the hell could she know about Dolores?

I lowered the gun slightly, but kept it trained on her. "Talk," I growled.

Lila's story poured out in a frantic, disjointed mess. Time travel, the Commission, apocalypses—plural. My family, all grown up, with their own lives and problems. It was too much to take in, too fantastical to believe. And yet... the proof was lying dead at my feet.

"So let me get this straight," I interrupted, my head spinning. "You want me to pretend to be him?" I gestured to the corpse with my gun. "To what, save the fucking world?"

Lila nodded, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "It's the only way. Please, Five. I know it's asking a lot, but—"

I cut her off with a bitter laugh. "Asking a lot? You're asking me to lie to my family, to pretend to be someone I'm not. To step into the shoes of a man who's apparently fucked up time itself multiple times over."

"But you'll get to see them again," Lila pressed. "Isn't that worth it?"

I fell silent, considering. Six years of isolation, of wondering if I'd ever see another living soul again, let alone my siblings. The chance to go back, to be with them... It was everything I'd dreamed of. Even if they hated me—well, the other me.

"Fuck it," I muttered, holstering my gun. "I'm in. But if this goes sideways, I'm putting a bullet in you first. Got it?"

Lila nodded, relief washing over her face. "Deal."

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, adjusting the tie of the perfectly tailored suit Lila had procured for me. It felt strange, constricting after years of scavenged clothes and whatever I could cobble together.

"You're fucking crazy, you know that?" I muttered to myself, running a hand through my hair.

Lila appeared in the doorway behind me, her arms crossed. "Crazy got us this far, didn't it?" she smirked.

I turned to face her, my eyes narrowing. "This plan of yours is insane. You realize that, right? There's no way in hell they're going to buy this."

She shrugged, that infuriating smugness still plastered across her face. "They will if you sell it. Come on, Five. Don't tell me you're chickening out now. Don't you want to see your family again?"

I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to snap at her. Of course I wanted to see them. It was all I'd thought about for six fucking years. But this? This felt wrong.

"They're going to hate me," I muttered. "Or, well, hate who they think I am."

Lila's expression softened slightly. "Maybe. But isn't it worth it? To see them again, even if they don't know it's really you?"

I turned back to the mirror, straightening my jacket. She was right, damn her. I'd endure anything to see my siblings again, even their hatred.

"Let's get this shitshow on the road," I growled, pushing past her and out of the room.

The reunion was... intense, to say the least. Seeing them all grown up, changed in ways I couldn't have imagined, it was almost too much. Luther, no longer the awkward, bumbling kid I remembered, but a leader. Diego, still a hothead, but with a newfound respect that caught me off guard. Allison, confident and powerful in ways that went beyond her rumors.

And Viktor. Jesus Christ, Viktor. The quiet, timid kid I'd left behind was gone, replaced by someone strong, assured, with powers that made my spatial jumps look like child's play. I couldn't have been prouder if I tried.

They all looked at me with a mix of wariness and resentment, clearly expecting the worst. It stung, but I swallowed it down. This wasn't about me. It was about them.

"Well," I drawled, falling into the persona Lila had coached me on, "looks like the gang's all here. Ready to save the world... again?"

Diego scoffed. "Oh, now you want to work as a team? That's rich coming from you, Five."

I bit back the urge to defend myself, to explain that I wasn't who they thought I was. Instead, I just smirked. "What can I say? I'm full of surprises."

As we delved into the latest apocalyptic threat—because of-fucking-course there was another one—I found myself marveling at how they'd all grown. Their abilities, their teamwork, it was beyond anything I could have imagined.

When Viktor unleashed his powers, nearly leveling a building to stop a group of Commission agents, I couldn't help but grin. "Holy shit, V," I muttered under my breath. "You've come a long way from violin practice."

"What was that?" Allison asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

I schooled my features back into a neutral expression. "Nothing. Just thinking we might actually pull this off for once."

As the days wore on, the lies became harder to maintain. Every time they referenced some shared experience I knew nothing about, every bitter comment about past mistakes I hadn't made, it was like a knife twisting in my gut.

But then I'd see Luther take charge of a situation with a confidence he'd never had as a kid. Or watch Diego and Allison move in perfect sync, covering each other's backs without a word. Or catch Viktor's small, proud smile after mastering a new aspect of his powers.

And I knew, deep in my bones, that it was worth it. Every lie, every moment of self-doubt, every flash of hatred in their eyes—it was all worth it to see them like this. To know that somehow, despite everything, they'd all become the heroes I always knew they could be.

One night, as we regrouped after a particularly harrowing battle, Lila and I blinked up to the roof and just sat there. I did this when I was a kid too. Blinked to the top of the Academy to escape dad.

The guilt was written all over Lila's face.

"They don't know," she whispered, her eyes darting to where the others were gathered. "They still think you're him."

I nodded, a small, sad smile tugging at my lips. "I know. And it's okay. Let them think that."

Lila frowned. "But... don't you want them to know the truth? That you're not the one who—"

"Who fucked everything up?" I finished for her. "Who dragged them through time and space, who got them stuck in the wrong timeline over and over?" I shook my head. "No. If this is what it takes for me to see them like this—strong, united, better than we ever were as kids—then I'll take it. I'll be the villain in their story if it means I get to see them shine."

Lila's eyes filled with a mix of admiration and pity. "You really love them, don't you?"

I snorted. "They're my family. Of course I fucking love them. Even if they hate me."

As we turned back to join the others, I caught sight of Viktor laughing at something Allison had said, his whole face lit up with joy. And in that moment, I knew I'd made the right choice.

They might never know the truth. They might always see me as the asshole who ruined their lives. But I got to see them like this—happy, powerful, united. And that? That was worth everything.

Even if it meant being hated.

[silverbirching]

HEY GUESS WHAT I'M STILL UPSET ABOUT UMBRELLA ACADEMY

Let's take a minute to talk about Allison Hargreeves.

For the record: I liked her villain turn in season 3 conceptually, even if I had issues with the execution. One of my black marks against season 1 is that Allison's arc happens before the show ever starts; she has renounced her powers, and we get SOME idea of why, but that it's show-don't-tell and it wasn't especially effective.

Even in season 2, though, there's... flashes. Think of the anger she has to swallow whenever (white) people fuck with her -- to me, it didn't read as an understandable reaction to racism. It read how dare you speak to me this way. She's a ninja who can break someone's neck or mindfuck people into throwing themselves into traffic; it's only her restraint that prevents her from doing it. She can. She chooses not to. Remember her chilling delight in making the man who'd poured hot coffee on her scald himself. Justified, imho, but still: cruelty. Sadism. She relished the power she had over him, and her ability to cause him harm in turn. To make him hurt himself.

So in season 3, when she starts going completely off the rails, it didn't read to me as an unprecedented descent into darkness or whatever. She was backsliding. We're seeing Allison at her lowest emotional nadir, sure, but I think some of it was just... how she was. Imagine if you're an abused kid who has the literal power to make anyone on earth do what you want. Imagine you can have literally ANYTHING it occurs to you to want. I'm guessing mindfucking Patrick into marrying her was the least of it.

My issue with the execution in season 3 was the disconnect between the extremity of her actions and the reactions to it from the family, notably Viktor. She blames Viktor (however unjustifiably) for the death/nonexistence of her daughter, and the loss of her marriage to Ray. She kills a man who is effectively Viktor's adopted son. But when they're in conflict, it reads more as siblings who had a falling out because one stole the other's boyfriend. The snipping and sniping was on the wrong level.

Allison kills Harlan in absolutely cold blood. She tries to rape Luther. She sells all of them out to Hargreeves for a chance at her perfect life. Honestly? Great shit. I loved it. I thought Emmy Raver-Lampman was fantastic at it.

THEN WE GET TO SEASON FUCKING FOUR.

Not only is Ray written off with one line, but the family's reactions to her are even more wrong. They treat her like they all had a falling out over an awkward thanksgiving dinner. No emotional continuity whatsoever. The fact that she and Viktor had this enmity is touched on but, again, on the wrong level, with the wrong tone.

Re: Ray. I think it makes total sense for Ray to have left her. But hear me out: what if Ray, like the other people in the series, starts remembering his old life, back in his original timeline?

Say he remembers being a civil rights leader and a revolutionary. Say he remembers his fight and his struggle, the life he should have led, the work that meant everything to him. He had the chance to leave it behind to stay with Allison: he declined. What if he realizes this is something Allison did to him; she pulled him out of his life to be her Stepford husband, to be Malibu Dream Ray.

How selfish! How violating. The drama would have been delicious.

Maybe that, like Patrick leaving her before season 1, might put Allison back on track, or get her started on the path again. Instead, season 4 rolls up and Allison isn't evil anymore. The family is pretty much fine with it. Kinda awkward but there we go.

We were ROBBED.

[alarmsofmyheart]

It's a cinematic poetry romantic mindfuck that whatever Tyme wanted to do, was shown happening in Great's 4 mintues timeline. Or as told by some meta analysers here, that those were actually shared limbo/4 mintues experiences. Only three minutes has passed in that, we have one more minute yet in that limbo/timeline.

It's the same old cliche "I thought of you and you came" kinda romanticism except it's a different timeline.

And to think of what Den was telling to Tyme, the altered words of Lukwa to Den, that sometimes you get a chance-

I'm holding on to that.

Oh God this deja vu,...

When To My Star season 2 was airing, the only thing to hold on to was that monologue/confession "if it's hard for you, I will come to you" that helped me and everyone to hold on and make it through the week, the same is happening

Except that hopes of having happy ending are in negatives, in to my star season 2 it was just zero to -10. Now here, it's like negative in thousands.

That on one side.

The other thing is Lukwa telling that her boyfriend's voice brought her out of the limbo is reminding me of how the same happened in Our Flag Means Death season 2, for Ed to escape from the gravy basket, Stede's voice- I'm gonna cry bye

[last-tsarina]

I am just so goddamn disappointed with this final season of Nancy Drew. Almost every single character is being written as if they don’t have three years of backstory to rely on; it’s almost as if they handed out story ideas to a writers room of people who had never watched the show before and said “Give us a season 4!”

And Jesus fucking Christ, don’t get me started on what they have done with Nace. It’s a mindfuck as to how they managed to destroy this relationship (and these characters) in the span of six episodes.

Let this last season be over already so I can begin to forget it even existed.

[inairbinad]

Heaven, Indiana

Part one of three | 6.7k | T | also on ao3 | Part Two | Part Three

A re-imagining of season 3, where Eddie and Robin are already looped in on the Upside Down madness, and Eddie joins Scoops Troop. Part of my Barb Lives AU from the Petals Verse, where everyone lives and the timeline gets wonky as a result. Can be read on its own. @steddie-week day 4 prompts: Familiar / Here Come the Tears

Eddie woke with a jolt from the same, familiar nightmare he’d been having since November. The one where he found himself right back in those unnatural, revolting tunnels beneath Hawkins, on the brink of death with Steve Harrington grasping his hands in fear.

On the dark of his bedroom ceiling he could still see the imprint of Steve’s eyes, wide and terrified that they were about to die. Even now that he was awake Eddie could still feel the pit in his stomach, the burning in his calves from running, the ache of wishing he’d kissed Steve in that moment with a stampede of demodogs charging after them both.

Eddie didn’t need to have creative nightmares anymore, not like he did when he was a kid. The reality of what he and Steve had gone through—and Robin, and the kids, and the rest of them—in the course of trying to save Hawkins from a swarm of actual demogorgons and a goddamn Mind Flayer was more than enough to keep Eddie haunted for the rest of time.

It didn’t help that every single one of those terrified, cursed memories was tied up in want.

His desperation to kiss Steve in that moment haunted his dreams nearly as often as the version where they never made it out of the tunnels all.

Or sometimes Eddie would find himself back in the bus in the junkyard, waiting for Steve to come diving back inside the bus with a hoard of demons at his back. This time Eddie would catch Steve in his arms, breathless and sweating from staring down the gaping maw of death with nothing but a nail bat. Then Eddie would slide his hands into Steve’s hair and his tongue into Steve’s mouth, caring for nothing and no one else while the rot clawed and scratched at the door, desperate to consume them both.

Eddie felt so inexplicably deranged for how much of his lust was tangled up in the violence that he wanted to scream.

Instead he groaned, then finally dragged himself out of bed to take a cold shower and get ready for work.

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure how he’d ended up dressed like a sailor—or rather more like a pirate, considering the tattoos he refused to cover up while he was working, like he was supposed to—and toiling away in the shiny, brand new, and brightly colored Starcourt Mall. But there he was, on time for his shift of scooping ice cream and pretending to be happy about it.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Eddie already knew he’d ended up there because of Steve goddamn Harrington: bane of Eddie’s existence and possibly the love his life, all wrapped up into one monster-hunting, child-defending, short-short-wearing package.

The problem with all of this—working with Steve, being friends with Steve, spending way too much of his every waking moment with Steve—was that now Eddie knew Steve was bisexual, and Eddie didn’t know how to deal with that bit of intel. Because knowing that meant every minute Steve wasn’t kissing Eddie, Eddie was going insane. It was one thing for Eddie to quiet the delusion that Steve would ever look in his direction before, back when Eddie assumed Steve was straight. But once Eddie realized he’d accidentally stumbled into some kind of queer-alliance-slash-part-time-monster-hunters club last fall, he’d been decidedly less capable of coping with his crush.

Sure, learning that alternate dimensions and monsters actually existed was enough of a mindfuck to last Eddie a lifetime. But then he had to go and get clobbered with the news that Steve was bi, and Barb and Nancy were dating, Robin was also a lesbian—and Steve Harrington is bi, dear god does that mean I have a shot?

The demogorgons seemed kind of quaint, after that. Even the ones Dustin tried to raise as pets.

It was nice, though, having more people like himself to hang out with. The thought of ever finding other gay friends in Hawkins used to seem laughable to Eddie, but now there was a whole flock of them.

All of this led to Eddie thinking he would enjoy working with Steve and Robin at Scoops Ahoy for the summer, just to have an excuse to be around Steve all day, every day. In that goddamn uniform, too. But it was only making Eddie fall for Steve harder.

So, yeah, Harrington was undoubtedly the reason Eddie was here. And he was late for his shift.

Rather than daydream about him until he showed, Eddie opted to kill the time between customers by having some fun with Robin.

“What about her, Birdie?” Eddie asked, nudging Robin to look across the food court towards a dark-haired girl near the Orange Julius.

Robin twisted to follow Eddie’s eye line until she landed on the girl in question. This was typically how the two of them liked to pass their shifts at Scoops Ahoy together—by playing each other’s wingmen while pretending everyone in Hawkins was draped in a rainbow flag and available to flirt.

“She looks like Nance,” Robin said, scrunching up her nose.

“Is that a problem?” Eddie asked, laughing lightly. He didn’t have much of a peg-leg to stand on, but he was nearly certain that Nancy was objectively pretty.

“No,” Robin shrugged, then started scanning the crowd for a girl more her speed. “I just wouldn’t want Barb to think I’m secretly lusting after her girlfriend.”

“Ah,” Eddie said, nodding slowly. “I forgot how seriously you took this imaginary game of ours.”

Rather than reply, Robin gave him a hearty shove until he went toppling off the counter he’d been perched atop. Eddie laughed as he stumbled to stay upright, but tripped over his own feet in the process. He was already halfway to flat on his ass, a smart remark about Robin’s clumsiness rubbing off on him already perched on his tongue, when he felt a pair of strong arms catch him around the waist. Eddie knew from the solid feel of the chest against his back who had caught him, but the whole thing was a little too ironic for words.

“Good catch, Steve,” Robin laughed, just as Eddie turned his face back and upward to look into Steve’s. “Thought I might’ve killed our friend for a second.”

“I thought I told you to stop throwing him around,” Steve said with a grin. Eddie was still staring at him, still happily leaning into the feel of Steve’s arms wrapped around him. “He’s precious goods.”

Eddie couldn’t help the swell of satisfaction it gave him to hear Steve say that.

“I can’t stop my clumsy from rubbing off on you two,” Robin shrugged. Eddie grunted when at least part of his brain registered how Robin had just stolen his line.

Reluctantly, Eddie reactivated his own legs as he stood up of his own volition instead of relying on Steve. He brushed himself off and tried to act somewhat normal.

“Thanks for the save, Stevie,” Eddie said, doing his best to put on a charming smile. “And for trying to stop Birdie from trying to murder me.”

“Anytime, Eds,” Steve smiled back at full strength, plopping his sailor hat on as he did. “Sorry I’m late, I forgot where I left my keys again. What did I miss?”

“Robin’s got the hots for Nance,” Eddie said, earning himself a thwack from Robin’s own hat to accompany her squeak of indigence.

“I do not!” she cried, looking between Steve and Eddie—who were both giggling under their breath at her—like she couldn’t believe they’d treat her like this. “Assholes. Stop fucking with me.”

“Chrissy Cunningham’s on her way over,” Steve said next, elbowing Eddie in the side and nodding towards the front of the store.

“Oh, ha ha,” Robin grumbled. “Get Robin even more flustered by telling her the prettiest girl in Hawkins is near by, you’re so hilarious, dingus.”

Eddie, obviously a better friend than Steve, was frantically dragging his forefinger back and forth across his throat, trying to signal to Robin to shut the fuck up because Chrissy was, indeed, on her way up to the counter. Robin noticed too late, though, and Steve was having the time of his life watching her face turn red and her eyes get wide as a full moon.

Chrissy, sweetheart that she was, didn’t do much more than take in Robin’s distressed posture with a look of concern. “You okay, Robin?”

If she’d heard Robin calling her the ‘prettiest girl in Hawkins,’ she was doing an excellent job of hiding it. Eddie still noticed a sparkle in her eye that made him suspect she’d heard every word.

Robin gave Eddie a pleading look, like she wanted him to fix this for her, but he shook his head resolutely. She narrowed her eyes at him, then spun on her heel and beamed at Chrissy.

“I’m great, sorry,” Robin said, recovering impressively. “What’s up, Chrissy?”

“Oh, just shopping with some friends,” she shrugged. “Thought I’d come say hi. So, hi.”

“Hi,” Robin repeated, looking a little thunderstruck as Chrissy smiled at her. Eddie couldn’t blame her. Chrissy wasn’t in her usual cheerleader getup, and ironically enough she was in a rainbow colored t-shirt and jean shorts. But Eddie really knew what was driving Robin nuts was the fact that Chrissy was wearing suspenders, and her hair was loose and flowing down past her shoulders.

Eddie had heard many whiney monologues from Robin about how pretty Chrissy was over the last few months. He knew what to look for at this point.

“So, I’m having a party for the Fourth of July,” Chrissy started, then bit her lip as she paused to assess Robin’s face. Eddie zeroed in on it, wondering if maybe there was something reciprocal there that he hadn’t noticed before. “You should come.”

“Me?” Robin asked, really playing into the awkward teenage romcom angle, even if unintentionally.

“Yes,” Chrissy laughed, then she seemed to notice Steve and Eddie for the first time. “All of you should come.”

“We’d love to,” Steve said right away, elbowing Robin in an attempt to make her remember her words, probably. “Right, Rob?”

“Totally!” Robin finally exclaimed, and Steve stepped back to Eddie’s side again as Chrissy filled her in on the details. They tried to pretend like they were minding their own business, talking shop about ice cream like it was extremely important, but naturally they were eavesdropping half to hell.

“So can I get you some ice cream?” Robin asked eventually, slipping into her professional persona.

“Do you do samples?” Chrissy asked, leaning over the glass container to get a look at the flavors.

“Sure,” Robin said, and Eddie knew she’d break the sample limit for Chrissy in a heartbeat.

Steve finally lost control of himself, desperate gossip that he was, and dragged Eddie in the back with him so he could let loose his own commentary with a breathless laugh.

“They’re like, actually really cute. But I thought Rob’s head was going to explode,” Steve whispered. As Eddie moved to listen just on the other side of the passthrough’s sliding doors, Steve sidled up behind him. Then, just to drive Eddie further into the deep end, Steve hooked his chin into the crook of Eddie’s shoulder and rested it there. A shudder ran through Eddie at the feel of Steve’s breath on his neck, and he did his best to cover it up by telling Steve to shut up.

“Shh, you goober,” Eddie grumbled, despite the fact that he was laughing, too. “I’m trying to listen.”

Steve mercifully quieted down but stayed exactly where he was, making it difficult for Eddie to focus on Robin, anyway.

“Do you have a usual favorite?” Robin was asking Chrissy about ice cream flavors, Eddie had to remind himself. That was the important thing happening right now, not Steve’s mouth in such close proximity to his neck.

“I tend to like the fruity ones,” Chrissy answered, and Steve honest-to-god cackled. Eddie did his best to shush him, but he had to literally bite down on his own fist to keep the hilarity of it bottled up, especially when Steve pressed his whole face into Eddie’s shoulder in a poor attempt to stifle himself.

A thud sounded from the other side of the wall, which Eddie was pretty sure came from Robin kicking it in annoyance. Poor Chrissy was just out there being a normal person, and Steve and Eddie had to go and turn into a puddle of giggles over it.

“I swear to god, Stevie,” Eddie sputtered, trying not to give in to Steve’s contagious laughter. “Stop it before Birdie murders us with an ice cream scoop.”

That only made Steve’s shoulders shake harder, because apparently he enjoyed the threat of dying at his best friend’s hand. Then he rested his hands on either side of Eddie’s waist, holding on in a squeezing grip, until Eddie felt his muscles twitch beneath Steve’s fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” Steve wheezed. “But fruity.”

“You’re fruity,” Eddie said under his breath, which only made Steve double over again, clutching onto Eddie harder.

“No shit,” Robin said, suddenly just on the other side of the passthrough. She slid the doors open and glared at them both. “Chrissy definitely thinks I’m insane now, and you’re lucky I don’t come back there and kill you both with my bare hands.”

“Have you considered using the ice cream scoop?” Steve suggested, and now it was Eddie’s turn to let out an ugly, surprised guffaw.

“I deserve a raise,” Robin deadpanned, then slammed the doors shut again.

Steve pulled away from Eddie then, much to Eddie’s dismay. He dabbed at his eyes with the hem of his shirt, revealing a whole lot of abs and a tantalizing bit of hair disappearing beneath his stupidly small shorts.

Eddie swallowed and looked determinedly away, until his eyes landed on the baffling supply of bananas that were waiting to be hung on the wall. He groaned inwardly and tried to focus on getting through the rest of the day in one piece.

Eddie went from doing his usual amount of pining after Steve and surviving just fine, thank you very much, to decidedly not fine at all when the jacked guy who taught aerobics upstairs showed up in the Scoops line.

Eddie didn’t even know why he bothered coming into Scoops in the first place. All he ever did was order the low-fat bullshit that wasn’t even really ice cream, in a tiny portion, and tip like shit.

And somehow Steve found this attractive.

“Would you like to set sail on an ocean of flavor with me?” Steve opened with his usual, company-approved line that he somehow had turned into a come-on. Every time Steve said it like that, with his hip popped and a charming smile on, it made Eddie want to kick himself for being hung up on him. And yet it was wildly adorable in a terrible kind of way, and Eddie had to admit it would have worked on him in an instant.

The buff one didn’t even appreciate it.

“Just the usual, please,” he said with an easy smile. Eddie hated him.

So he decided to give him some shit.

“How was the Jane Fonda tape today?” Eddie asked, leaning across the counter and definitely not doing his actual job. He heard Steve stifle a little laugh, though, so Eddie figured he wasn’t on thin ice just yet.

The aerobics guy’s face pinched, as if there was something wrong with Jane Fonda. Another red flag, as far as Eddie was concerned.

“It’s Jazzercise,” he corrected in a flat tone. “And it was fine. How’s slinging ice cream?”

“Oh, it’s the best job in the world,” Steve cut in just as Eddie opened his mouth mouth in retort. “Especially when we get such great and attractive customers like yourself!”

Steve winked, and Eddie barely held in a scream.

“Right,” the idiot on the other side of the counter remarked. Then he took his ice cream and fled the store.

“Mark one more in the ‘You Suck!’ column,” Robin announced with fanfare and a uncoordinated drumroll as she whipped out her white board. She also gave Eddie a long, knowing look behind Steve’s back. Steve stayed none-the-wiser to Eddie’s misery or to Robin’s ribbing him over it, since he was begrudgingly digging out the Polaroid that they used to mark such special occasions as tallying the board.

Eddie moved over to where Robin stood, knowing she’d want him in the photo with her, despite the fact that he was all but slumped into a pout.

“Photo evidence, please?” Robin cooed at Steve, positively buzzing with satisfaction. Literally, Eddie could feel her glee just from sitting beside her, as she marked another tally on the ‘You Suck” side of Steve’s exploits in flirting.

It wasn’t as bad as if Steve had finally landed a mark on the ‘You Rule’ column, but it still stung in particular every time Steve tried it (however innocently) with another dude—especially the ones that were nothing like Eddie.

It only reminded him that he never had a shot in hell.

“Isn’t the tally evidence enough of my failures?” Steve whined, but he was already moving to take the picture.

“Nope!” Robin said, smacking her lips for emphasis. “Because you could secretly erase some and we both know I’d forget it. Plus, this is the second time you got nothing but a blank stare outta that guy. So. Photo, please!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve grumbled, then snapped a picture of Robin holding up the board with a broad smile, and Eddie doing his best not to look like a complete grump about it. Somehow, despite this whole thing being at his expense, Steve still managed to drop the camera from his face with a small smile.

“So, what are we doing tonight?”

———

Robin decided she wouldn’t be joining Steve and Eddie in hanging out at the trailer for the night, because she “didn’t care about getting high nearly as much” as they did, apparently. Instead, she was going to whatever Sapphic movie night Barb and Nance had planned, to which no boys were invited.

Eddie didn’t mind, considering that meant he got Steve to himself. Since Wayne was out at his weekly poker game, they opted to give in to Robin’s assumptions and smoke. Not that Wayne really would have cared, but Eddie liked to give his uncle the option of turning a blind eye when he could.

“Since when do you pout in pictures more than Robin or Max?” Steve asked as Eddie rolled them a joint, killing time by looking through the photos from their shift today.

Since I’m sick of watching you flirt with anyone who isn’t me, Eddie answered honestly in his own head. When he opened his mouth, though, lies poured out.

“I’m starting to feel sorry for your lack of game, man,” Eddie said with a blinding smile. “At some point the board just starts to feel like bullying.”

“I’m fine, Eds,” Steve snorted, clearly unbothered. “But thank you for your concern. Now let me get a better shot of you.”

Eddie sighed, but then relented and gave Steve a fond smile. “Fine.”

After his second bout with the creepy crawlies of the Upside Down last fall (Eddie’s first), Steve had taken to photography as a hobby, and started documenting everything he could in film. Steve said it helped with his nightmares, at first, to be able to look back on the group making good memories while trying to work through the shit ones. Eventually he admitted to Eddie that it was also because he wanted to capture everything good, in case they all died tomorrow.

Jonathan still did most of the heavy lifting there, but Steve carried his own camera around with him almost everywhere, now. Then, once they’d all started at Scoops, he’d swiped his dad’s Polaroid specially just to keep it in his work locker over the summer. He spent entirely too much money on film, despite Robin’s frequent protestations.

“Stop wasting all of your money on the same photos of the kids laughing at us in our uniforms,” she’d say every time Steve came back from spending his break in the camera repair shop restocking on film.

“It’s memories, Rob,” Steve would sigh and reload the camera. “You can’t put a price on those.”

Eddie and Robin would usually exchange a glance imparting their desire to give Steve a lesson in being poor, and pronto, but neither of them really had the heart to do it.

Steve loved that damn camera, though, and Eddie had long ago established that he couldn’t deny Steve anything. So Eddie sat back, trying not to be self conscious as Steve once more studied him through the lens of a camera. His favorite seemed to be trying to catch arty shots of Eddie blowing smoke out of his nostrils, and looking like the burnout that he was.

Much like the Scoops Cam stayed at work, the one Steve was using now tended to hang out on Eddie’s nightstand most of the time. It was a testament to how much time Steve spent at the trailer, if anything. The thought made Eddie smile, and Steve tutted happily at however it looked through the viewfinder. Eddie tried not to run away with delusions of grandeur about what that could mean, but he felt all warm over it anyway.

Eventually Steve seemed pretty satisfied with what he captured, so he set the camera aside, presumably for the next time he came over.

“You were grumpy today,” Steve said, waving the post-flirting Polaroid from earlier in Eddie’s face. Eddie slapped his hand away, but couldn’t keep his face straight. He couldn’t keep anything straight.

“I just don’t understand how you find that preppy asshole attractive,” Eddie said around a lungful of smoke, staring Steve down as best he could, considering they were sitting eye-to-eye on the floor.

“What,” Steve drawled, making grabby hands for the joint until Eddie passed it over. He seemed completely unbothered by the fact that Eddie found his crush on the Jazzercise guy distasteful. “You’ve never been attracted to a preppy asshole before?”

Just you, Eddie thought, grateful that the weed hadn’t loosened his lips enough to let the words spill out into the sticky-sweet ether between them. Eddie had been hopelessly in love with Steve for no less than eight months, now. But who was counting?

“Can’t say that I have,” Eddie lied. Though, was it technically a lie, if he didn’t think Steve was an asshole anymore? Eddie took the technicality and ran with it, but he almost thought there might’ve been a hint of disappointment on Steve’s face. Eddie told himself that was just wishful thinking on his part.

“I just think he looks nice in those shorts, is all,” Steve shrugged before finally taking a drag.

Eddie was really starting to think he’d miscalculated, opting to work the summer at Scoops. Not only was the job shit—the only non-Steve-and-Robin related reason he even remotely enjoyed it was because Erica would come in and boss everyone around, and he would give her shit about the evils of capitalism and watch her nose scrunch up—but it also required watching Steve flirt with and ogle all the customers, regardless of gender, and drive Eddie nuttier than a scoop of butter pecan over it.

The only reason Eddie had any semblance of sanity left was because Steve usually struck out. Or, pretty much always. It was almost like Steve was flirting badly on purpose, some days. And then he’d come home with Eddie anyway. They’d watch movies or get high, fucking around and making fun of whoever had worse sailor-hat hair at the end of the day. It was nice.

Eddie was a real goner, was the point, and he resented the aerobics instructor guy. And his shorts. Eddie had shorts, too, goddamnit.

“He’s not even gay,” Eddie scoffed, flopping backwards to lay flat on the floor of his bedroom. Sometimes he and Steve would lay sprawled across his bed, or stay in the living room where things felt safer, but tonight it was too hot to be anywhere but on the floor. At least down there, Eddie could catch a little bit of a draft from the rickety old air conditioner that was valiantly chugging along to cool the whole trailer. “He just likes watching sweaty women bounce around for a living.”

“Don’t talk about my soulmate like that,” Steve scoffed. He nudged Eddie’s hip with his foot, then laid beside him on the floor, facing in the opposite direction as Eddie. Steve propped his feet up on the bed, then twisted is face to look at Eddie’s, practically pillowing his head on Eddie’s chest as he did. He smirked like he was proud of his joke.

Eddie knew Steve was just kidding around. If anyone was Steve’s soulmate, after all, it was Robin. Eddie was almost used to that jealous demon that lived in the back of his brain, resenting his status as the spare friend in the trio. It was silly and Eddie knew it, especially since he loved the fuck out of Robin. But even in jest, Steve’s comment plunged Eddie into a river of envy. What about me? The demon cried, scraping along the recesses of Eddie’s mind and demanding to be acknowledged.

Eddie did his best to shush it, listening instead to the Judas Priest record he’d put on because somehow, someway, Steve had come to love it.

“Take me now, in your arms, let me rest, safe from harm,” Steve sang along to Hear Come the Tears. The lingering smoke made his voice scratch in just the right kind of delectable way that left the demon doing backflips in Eddie’s mind. “Oh I want to be loved.”

Another thing Eddie had learned about Steve, since his reformation of character had started sometime last year, was that he got handsy when he was high. He took one of Eddie’s hands into his own, then firmly pressed the joint into it. Steve didn’t let go when Eddie’s fingers grasped around it, either. Instead he started playing with Eddie’s rings.

“This one new?” Steve asked, voice low and buzzing right through Eddie’s ribcage.

It wasn’t new, but Eddie couldn’t blame Steve for thinking so. He hardly ever wore the bat carved of silver that Steve was still lazily twisting around Eddie’s index finger. It was one of the first rings he’d ever bought for himself, but once he got his bat tattoo, he thought maybe wearing the ring was overkill. Most of the time, anyway.

That all hardly seemed relevant when Steve was basically holding Eddie’s hand, and noticing little details about him that no one else ever did.

“No, but I don’t wear it much,” Eddie answered, hoping he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt.

“Pretty,” Steve hummed. He stopped playing with the ring and moved to tickle the back of Eddie’s hand with soft fingers, instead.

“It’s probably better suited for you, then,” Eddie admitted aloud, and Steve turned a bashful shade of pink.

That was the other thing about Steve when he got high. He was more prone to blushing.

“Alright,” Steve said with a sly grin, before slipping the ring off Eddie’s finger in a rush. Then he sat back up, crossing his legs beneath him as he put it on himself. He held his hand out in front of his face, assessing. “Oh, yeah. I like it.”

Steve had taken things much too literally, and Eddie saw fit to correct it.

“Gimme it back, you thief!” Eddie cried, snatching for Steve’s hand again. Steve was too quick for him, though, and all Eddie achieved was grazing his fingertips across the heated skin of Steve’s forearm as he dashed out of Eddie’s grasp.

Carefully, Eddie snubbed out what was left of the joint in the ashtray, then scrambled upright and dove at Steve.

For maybe thirty seconds, Eddie had the upper hand. He’d managed to get a grip around Steve’s wrist, and the hand that now housed Eddie’s stolen ring. But once Eddie realized he was practically straddling Steve’s lap, knees locked on either sides of his thighs in a death grip, Eddie was momentarily distracted from his goal. He fumbled sliding the ring off Steve’s finger, accidentally tossing it until it rolled under Eddie’s bed.

Instead of going after it, though, Steve took the opportunity to wrestle Eddie to the floor. In half a stuttered heartbeat on Eddie’s part, he was under the whole weight of Steve, wrists pinned in a surprisingly gentle but firm grip on either side of his head.

Steve laughed above him, pressed so close that Eddie could feel the way Steve’s chest contracted and then swelled again as he breathed. Eddie didn’t know where to look first—the flop of Steve’s hair that hung down between them, the curve of Steve’s perfect mouth, curling up in a self-satisfied smile, or the way Steve’s glassy eyes still sparkled as he looked down at Eddie with a quiet confidence that was driving him wild.

Eddie didn’t know how Steve was still this strong while impaired, but if he didn’t get out from under him soon, Eddie knew there’d be a problem somewhere south of his belt loops to deal with between them. He tried not to wiggle his hips too much as he attempted to break free of Steve’s grasp, but it was no use. Steve only smirked down at him, completely focused on Eddie’s face alone.

“I win,” Steve murmured, then deliberately let his gaze drop to Eddie’s lips.

Eddie felt like he might be hallucinating, to the point where he wondered if Reefer Rick had given him a particularly weird strain, or something, last time they did a deal.

Especially when Steve then darted his tongue across his own bottom lip, a brief flash of wet pink that left Eddie floating, despite being pinned to the ground.

“You—” Eddie began, but the creak of the trailer door opening shocked them both out of whatever had been brewing between them. Steve let go of Eddie in an instant, sitting up and running his hands through his hair as Wayne grunted out, “Ed?” from the living room.

“Back here, Uncle Wayne,” Eddie said, sounding completely dazed.

Wayne poked his head into Eddie’s room and smirked down at him, still sprawled on the floor and probably looking—and smelling—high as a kite. Then Wayne waved at Steve, and said, “When you get the munchies, don’t eat my chips.”

Wayne was gone as fast as he’d come, probably to watch TV and have a beer, but he’d altered the vibe significantly. Steve reeled in whatever had started to peek free just a few moments before, sighed, and snatched the bat ring from under the bed. He handed it back willingly.

“You can wear it,” Eddie tried, but Steve shook his head.

“It’s more your style, anyway,” he said, sounding a little sad about it. Eddie didn’t know what to say in reply, so he silently took the ring and slid it back on his finger.

“The chips might be off the table,” Eddie said, feeling a devilish grin creep onto his face and hoping it would draw Steve back out of whatever shell he’d shrunk into. “But he didn’t say shit about his banana popsicles.”

“I like the way you think, Munson,” Steve smiled back, then they both darted for the freezer in perfect sync.

———

For his next shift with Steve, Eddie was trying not to act weird after whatever the hell had happened in the trailer the night before. He was determined not to get distant or awkward about it, or make Steve feel self-conscious. He didn’t want to be too touchy afterwards either, though, and make Steve assume that Eddie was expecting anything from him.

But that didn’t mean Eddie wasn’t flirting. Eddie was a flirt by nature, after all. It would seem weirder if he didn’t.

“Ahoy, sailor!” Eddie heartily whistled in appreciation just when Steve arrived in all of his short-shorts glory—all in the name of keeping up appearances, of course.

Steve shuffled around a little uneasily in response instead of returning the sentiment, like he normally would have. Robin, who was sitting with Eddie at the table in the ‘captain’s quarters’, squinted at him in question. Eddie shrugged.

“Didn’t get enough beauty sleep?” she asked Steve.

“Huh?” he responded distantly, trying to fix his hat to his hair in a gentle enough way so it wouldn’t flatten what Steve thought was his best feature. (Eddie thought Steve’s best feature was probably his perfectly kissable mouth, or his big brown eyes that Eddie frequently found himself getting lost in, or even that little constellation of moles on his neck that Eddie wanted to bite. But that was neither here nor there.)

“You seem…fidgety,” Robin pointed out.

“Oh. I’m fine,” Steve tried for an unaffected shrug, but it looked more jerky and stilted than anything.

Eddie was doing his level best not to assume that was about him. But considering the fact that Eddie was almost certain Steve had wanted to kiss him the night before, even after the haze of smoke had cleared from his judgment making skills, he didn’t really think it was a coincidence.

Robin seemed to agree that this was between Steve and Eddie, as she started eyeing Eddie suspiciously again. If her face hadn’t been full of questions, Eddie would've assumed Steve had already told her what was going on with him. The fact that he hadn’t only worried Eddie further. Since when did Steve not share every thought in his head with Robin?

Had Eddie seemed too eager last night, maybe? Had Steve sussed out how deep Eddie’s feelings actually ran? Maybe now he wanted to put an extra bit of distance between them, because to Steve it wasn’t that serious. Eddie wanted to kick himself at the thought.

If distance was what Steve wanted, Robin wasn’t allowing for it. Her solution was to find every excuse to stick Eddie and Steve in the back room together most of the afternoon, doing tedious tasks while Robin worked out front. Her excuse was that it was a “slow day” anyway.

So Eddie tried to act as normal as possible in the hopes of signaling that everything between them was fine, whatever Steve’s worries might be. But every time Eddie tried to strike up a conversation, Steve didn’t give him much back by way of response.

“Do you know what happened after the kids snuck in to see Day of the Dead the other night?” Eddie asked, hoping the temptation to gossip might spur Steve into talking. One of their favorite topics of the summer so far had been speculating on what seemed like a gay little love triangle forming between Mike, Eleven, and Will.

“Not really,” Steve shrugged noncommittally.

“At the very least you’d think we might’ve gotten some innocent hand-holding,” Eddie mused.

“Maybe,” Steve merely grunted in response.

Eddie bit his tongue for a while after that, and began to consider if whatever was going on in Steve’s head had nothing to do with him at all. Eddie knew Steve’s parents were in town, and that usually led to most of Steve’s grumpiest moods. Maybe all he needed was the promise of not having to go back to a house he hated after getting off from a job he also hated.

“Hey, you wanna come over tonight?” Eddie offered eventually, then wondered if maybe he should give it more of a veneer of friendship, just in case. “We can probably entice Robin into coming if we let her pick a movie. You guys can stay over, even.”

“Maybe,” Steve finally smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Eddie thought he might finally be on the right track, but Steve dipped away again. “I should go check on Robin.”

Eddie tried not to pout in Steve’s absence.

He also wasn’t one to give up in the face of a frowning Steve Harrington, so for the rest of their shift he kept trying to do all the things he knew would make Steve laugh. At first, Steve didn’t seem all that impressed with Eddie’s walking him through the several layers of monstrous traps he was laying for the boys’ first official Hellfire campaign, so Eddie switched to stronger tactics. He moved on to his impersonation of Hopper going full Hulk and threatening to kill Mike in new and creative ways, which did earn a pinched smile out of Steve, at least.

But when Steve’s favorite bit—Eddie’s acting out his own mascot creation, Scoop, who was a pirate with spoons for fingers—didn’t do much more than eke a small chuckle out of him, Eddie was just about ready to throw in the towel and ask what the hell was the matter.

That was when they heard the unmistakable sound of Dustin Henderson’s arrival, however.

Steve turned to Eddie with wide eyes, matching Eddie’s in excitement. If Dustin’s long anticipated return from camp couldn’t cheer Steve up, nothing would.

“Steve, Eddie!” Robin called back to them both. “Your child is here!”

“Don’t act like you don’t love me, too, Robin Buckley,” Dustin said, accompanied by that bizarre purring noise he liked to make.

Steve and Eddie simultaneously sprung into action. Eddie led the way out of the swinging door to the front, with Steve hot on his heels and his hands squeezing Eddie’s shoulders in delight.

“Henderson!” They both chorused, as Dustin broke out in a wide, gummy grin upon seeing them. They all launched towards each other, and Steve quite literally squealed, “He’s back!”

Then the three of them immediately proceeded into their complex secret handshake, while Robin looked on in bewilderment. It didn’t matter how many times she’d seen them practice it in minute detail, apparently, it still made her wrinkle her nose in secondhand embarrassment.

Eddie didn’t care. He’d missed Henderson more than he ever expected he would have of a fourteen year old hellion, but Dustin had that effect on him and Steve both. In the months since they’d tracked down a baby fucking demogorgon together, the three of them had only grown further attached.

So when Dustin immediately jumped to exclaiming “We have so much to talk about,” Eddie and Steve didn’t hesitate to set aside the weird vibe between them and buy Dustin a USS Butterscotch.

Twenty minutes later, the two of them had listened to Dustin talk about his “camp girlfriend” ad nauseam, while exchanging a healthy amount of skeptical looks between them. Steve didn’t entirely seem to believe that Suzie was real, and Eddie was mostly with him, but there was something dreamy in the way Dustin talked that Eddie felt a kinship with.

It reminded him how he felt around Steve.

All that went out the window, though, when Dustin started yammering about intercepting secret Russian codes.

“We can be true, American heroes, guys!” Dustin finished his lengthy speech about saving the world, like he hadn’t done enough of that already.

Eddie was beyond skeptical now, but Steve seemed amused, so he played along.

“Heroes, eh?” Eddie asked, casually spinning his sailor cap around in his hands.

“Yes! It’ll be great, I swear. And once we are, you two can have all the ladies you want, and more. As long as her name isn’t Suzie,” Dustin promised them both. It was sincere, if admittedly a little creepy and off base.

Eddie darted a quick glance towards Steve, who obviously found the irony in Dustin’s promising the ladies to Eddie, of all people. He chuckled lightly as he gave Eddie a knowing look, like he was thrilled to know Eddie’s secrets, before breaking eye contact and turning back to Dustin.

“Yeah, alright,” he nodded. “How can we help?”

(part two should be coming with tomorrow's prompts!)

[PART TWO] [PART THREE]

[somethin-real]

Thanks for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

I am once again answering asks months later than I should have because time isn’t real and I never open my phone BUT I will never give up an excuse to talk about the stuff I like so let’s go

(This is in no particular order because besides the first two I can’t pick a favourite child)

1) interview with the vampire (tv)

God. This thing has taken over my brain chemistry. I first watched it as the first season aired a few years back and loved it then and now that the second season has aired I literally cannot stop thinking about it. I have watched every episode of this series at least four times, some more than others because I genuinely can’t get enough. It’s simply so perfect to me… the camp… the vampires… everyone should watch this at least once in their lives (I am also currently working my way through the books and they are so tasty)

2) nbc Hannibal

GUH. I strangely never talk about it but Hannibal was one of the first shows to rewire my brain like iwtv has. I first watched it back in high school I think after a girl I had a crush on lended it to me on a usb stick and I think it’s so perfect. I find it really beautiful in a real vile way (pos) and can watch it over and over without tiring (in fact I could probably recite many of the episodes off by heart which I wouldn’t consider a problem but Some People might). The relationship between Hannibal and Will is so palpable and harrowing and I genuinely once wrote an essay on it for uni (I got an eighty) because I’m Normal

3) life is strange 2

a bit of a random one, but ever since I played the first episode of lis2, I’ve been obsessed with it. say what you want about the lis games, but there’s something really lovely to me about Sean and Daniel. maybe it’s because it reminds me of my little brother, maybe it’s because the experience of being a Latin person in North America is so familiar, but it’s a really beautiful game and I’ve replayed it… seven times now? I think? I keep trying to get different endings but I’m weird about making people do bad stuff in video games surprisingly

4) red dead redemption 2

Look man. I like cowboys, I like the great outdoors, I like the idea that Arthur Morgan (gunslinging criminal) is actually a pretty princess. Maybe I’m projecting but he really is a beautiful woman to me. this is another game I’ve played way too many times even though playing the epilogue bit where you have to build the fence makes me want to die. also Javier and John should kiss and I want sadie Adler to be my wife

5) sarazanmai

Maybe a bit of an oddball but this is one of those anime that’s like looking at a car wreck. You simply cannot look away. What began as a strange, mythological mindfuck of a show slowly morphed into a beautiful story about queerness and friendship and love and I recommend it to everyone because I just think it’s so good

6) wildhood

This movie fundamentally changed me. It’s a Canadian queer indigenous coming of age film that I watched on a whim when I was scrolling through a streaming service on a lazy weeknight a few years ago, and I didn’t expect it to be something so beautiful and touching. It’s about a young guy named link who finds out his mother (who left him with his abusive father) is alive, and so he crosses the province trying to find her with his younger half brother and someone who’d saved him from some racist convenience store owner. It’s a visually really pretty movie, and on top of that the story is absolutely beautiful and makes me cry every time I watch it. I think I’ve forced every single one of my friends to watch this movie all the while I stared at them like this 👁️👁️ to gauge their reaction to it. please please please watch this

7) to be taught if fortunate by becky chambers

this book!!!!!! THIS BOOK!!!! I had to read this for first year English my first year of university and normally books I’m forced to read are never ones that have a hold on me but I genuinely could not put this book down. I’m also not really one for science fiction, but despite the overall premise (a bunch of researchers get cryo slept in space only to awake and find that a disaster has happened on earth, wiping out a majority of the population) I feel like it focuses less on the science fiction and more so on the relationships between all of the astronauts, most of whom are queer and in a weird pseudo poly relationship with each other. idk I just thought this book was really beautiful and fun and I think everyone should read it

8) jojo’s bizarre adventure

look. this thing had to make it on here okay. I put off getting into jojo for a long time even though I’d been thoroughly aware of it even back in middle school, and when I finally caved I watched all of it in about two months, shaking and gnawing at the bars of my enclosure the whole time. it’s just so silly and fun and I think kishibe rohan should be real (he is)

I was going to add more but my brain somehow isn’t working so I’m going to do some honourable mentions again in no particular order: yakuza series, death note, after dark by haruki murakami, anything by Allen Ginsberg, kill your darlings, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia, fellow travellers (book and show)

Thank you so much for the ask!

[never-not-ever]

I wrote this up over a week ago but put it in my drafts… today marks 6 weeks in the hospital.

This hospital stay is so different than all the times before. For one I’m not on here documenting every day, which there’s nothing wrong with that but it’s just strange looking back at the past 4, almost 5 weeks and thinking of how I didn’t post a single thing. In the past I’d be documenting my downward spiral before the hospital and then while at the hospital.

Two, I’ve gotten used to it now (sort of) but going from staff to patient was such a mindfuck and at times it still is.

The last few times I’ve been inpatient my self harm was never as bad as it is this time around. It’s crazy to think how I was 2 years clean, wearing tank tops, my scars barely visible and now my right arm looks like shit again.

In the beginning there was so much anxiety, guilt and shame about what happened. Now it’s just more depression and hopelessness. I lost my job which meant the world to me. That loss has lessened and I’ve accepted it more. Now as we’re nearing the holiday season it’s hitting me that I’ve lost her family. I haven’t spent a holiday single since 2016 which is crazy.

My doctor today made a good point. That I’m going through a “major reset” right now. When I first came here I was so worried that my doctor and social worker didn’t like me and I know it’s the opposite now. And I love them, I really lucked out. At one point we were looking at intensive DBT residentials out of state but then I advocated for myself that I wanted to stay close to home even though I feel like I have no one here. So now I’m looking at doing an intensive DBT outpatient program that’s at least a 6 month commitment. I think it’ll be a good support system while I get back on my feet.

But I don’t have any discharge date yet. I’m waiting to start TMS and probably going to finish it outpatient. My social worker keeps saying that no one’s kicking me out which is a relief to hear because I know in the past I always feared that.

[wild-whispering-woods]

Well, I'm back here, after almost seven years. This is going to be a rather intense post, but there is a lot of stuff that I have only very recently been facing, and I need to get it off my chest. Trigger warnings are in the tags, but I'll list them here as well, just to be sure: mental abuse, gaslighting, sexual abuse.

Let's start with a seemingly really random topic.

The series BBC Sherlock has always been a sensitive subject for me, as it was used by someone to mentally and sexually abuse me when I was quite young. In an attempt to mentally disentangle myself from the abuser, I became part of the Johnlock community here on Tumblr. I devoured the meta that was being written by the community, and it made the show make more sense to me. At the same time, it helped me mentally distance myself from my abuser, as this was a reading they completely dismissed. See, both my abuser and myself identified with Sherlock, only they took Sherlock's self-proclamation of being a "high-functioning sociopath" at face value, whereas I saw Sherlock as being terrified of being emotionally vulnerable and doing his best to suppress his feelings to avoid being seen and hurt.

I have shipped Johnlock since I was about 13 years old, and I became part of the TJLC community as it arose from that part of the fandom.

I have hated creating literary analyses for years now and avoided it as much as possible (difficult though that was in school), because it is so subjective, and it always confronts me with the fact that being mentally abused destroyed my trust in my intuition, thought processes, and ability to read people. It makes me feel like my life used to- the rug being pulled out from under you, a constant mental strain, having to be alert to everything at all times. I have been trying to read abusers' behaviour for most of my life. For every action of everyone around me ever, I analyse all possible motivations someone could have that would lead to the behaviour they display, but I could never know for certain what the right conclusion was. After all, you can never truly get into someone else's head- especially not someone who has made you doubt your own perceptions of the world in order to keep you under their control. What was real, what was a lie? I think this is why I have always loved reading meta; for once, someone else was laying the explanations out for me- and not only that, but they made it into a coherent storyline that made sense of everything. And I so wanted everything to just have a clear explanation. So when, in the fourth series of Sherlock, everyone and everything felt so completely wrong- motivations being off, details that must have taken a lot of effort but weren't right, entire scenes that didn't make any sense- I had to distance myself from it all, because no matter how much sense meta writers could make of it, the experience of watching the season brought back every feeling of wrongness and manipulation and self-doubt, and destroyed the trust in my intuition that I had been trying to rebuild. I must add that obviously I don't blame the writers for this, they weren't responsible for any of it- they were making something they wanted to make, someone else used it to completely fuck me up, and it was my choice to keep interacting with it- but unfortunately it had quite a devastating effect on me because this piece of media had been so entangled with the abuse and consequent attempt to break free of that.

I left the fandom because the mindfuck was quite literally bleeding through into my actual life. I have never been able to believe that the way I interpreted the series was not the, or at least a, way the writers meant for it to be interpreted- but I couldn’t keep being confronted with it, because 1. everyone else was saying I was out of my mind, and 2. the series was, for the foreseeable future at least, finished. To me, season 4 couldn’t be an end to the overarching storyline. Many things had gone unresolved, and unfortunately, I applied that feeling to my life; Sherlock and John never got to have an actual open conversation, not even implied. As the commentary said, for this season, who they are as people didn’t matter. They just… continued surviving, all their demons still beneath the roads they would walk. It felt like my story, like I was doomed to keep my feelings and experiences locked inside of me forever. It made me despair. I knew that for me, hoping for an eventual season 5 was a road to madness- Anderson’s mental breakdown style, without resolution. To protect myself, I had to withdraw entirely and find something more immediate to be a crutch for me to deal with my trauma. It was never healthy to put that much of my life into a TV series, although then again, someone else had decided that for me when I was still a child.

Eventually, I broke free of my abusers and I have continued with my life in the hope that I could heal, but instead of unraveling the trauma, I buried this tangled knot somewhere in my brain and I can't undo it myself. Yes, I have sought professional help multiple times over the years, but I have always been told that they could not help me because I have too many problems that are seemingly unconnected- so here I am, going back to the start of it all and pulling a John. Hopefully, writing a blog will help me as well. We'll see! It feels absolutely terrifying to share pretty much anything, anywhere, because I'm not used to doing that and also this: part of the mental abuse was someone else telling me what I was really like, or what I really felt or thought, or that the way I was, is wrong, and they would fix me, and I have never fully recovered from the idea that I don't know myself and my own feelings. Writing things down freaks me out a lot, because every minute that I think about my motivations, I seem to find a different reason for why I did something- and often, I still don't know what the real reason is. It's really scary to be confronted with the fact that I don't feel like a person, but just a jumbled collection of corrupted memories and disjointed actions. I think, though, that the only way in which I'll be able to find myself is to start a dialogue. With myself. Eventually, a pattern must emerge, right?

So, how did I get to this point? This week, I actually rewatched BBC Sherlock for the first time since season 4 aired-  the whole thing, in one sitting- and it made me feel unexpectedly, strangely good. I realised that, even with the emotional distance now, what I saw in the series is still there, and I was right for not believing I was crazy for thinking what I did. It was pretty affirming to be confronted with the idea that my interpretation of things wasn't completely off the rails. I also must say that I was grateful to season 4 for the imagery of Sherlock being on drugs and in a lot of (emotional) pain, because it mirrored how I have been feeling for a long time. Of course, I don't want anyone to suffer, but it's nice sometimes to see yourself on screen.

And finally, I am grateful for these lines: "What is the worst thing you can do to your friends? Tell them your darkest secret. Because... if you tell them, and they decide they'd rather not know, you can't take it back. You can't unsay it. Once you've opened your heart, you can't close it again." I have never shared specifics with anyone, because I can't live with the idea that they won’t believe me. Or that I will look at a loved one and see what I told them behind their eyes. Even if they wouldn't be thinking about it. I would. I would know that they know. And I want it not to be true. But when I've told them, it will be real. And they will remind me of it.

[salvatoreren]

I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

[eddiemunsonssoulmate]

You're the first person I see reblog anything form 1899. I assume that you watch it? I've been debating getting into it but something holds me back. Why do you like it? What about it? Basically give me that last nudge to go and watch it

Watch it and loved it!

There's a whole bunch of reasons why I totally enjoyed it, so I'm gonna list a few.

#1 Mystery - I'm a huge sucker for mystery. Little hints and teases at what might happen and what might not. Being just as clueless as the characters, trying to figure out with them what's going on.

#2 The cast - Perfectly chosen. Great acting. Superb chemistry with each other. Pretty people. The Captain can get it.

#3 The international languages - Aboard a ship that goes from Europe to the States, there are bound to be a bunch of languages and cultures. That's why I highly recommend watching it in it's original version with subtitles. That means every character speaks their mother tongue. That adds so much to the atmosphere and the situation aboard that they don't understand each other very well.

#4 What's real and what's not - The show really plays with the whole reality vs imagination thing, how the brain works and why it works the way it does. Is what we see reality? Is it our reality? Or is it something completely else? Absolutely love that trope.

#5 The writers - They're the creators of DARK, who has been an outstanding show with absolut mindfuck plot twists and it's one of my favorite shows, so ofc I had to watch 1899.

#6 The atmosphere - It just grips you. Idk how to explain but there's always this sense of dread and "What's going on?" around and I could hardly turn my TV off haha

#7 You have to pay attention (if you want ofc) - This is actually a point that puts a lot of people off, I totally get that. Sometimes you just wanna chill and relax and don't think while watching a show. But I also really enjoy a show where I have to think too. Where I have to pay attention to see the little clues that are all scattered around. 1899 does that really well. Sometimes it's the wording of dialogue, sometimes it's a small detail in the background that gives you a clue about what's going on.

#8 Lowkey to highkey shipping- I like shows where I can ship people and actually see their relationship grow, so I can squeal into my pillow like a teenager when they look at each other from a distance with soft eyes.

I do want to give a warning that it might start out a little slow for some people because it's quite a big ensemble cast so introductions take a while before it really takes off. But lemme tell you, the last two episodes blew my mind and I can't wait for another season haha.

[enzombie]

I just finished season 4 and im. Im ruined. Ive already watched the show like 6 times btw but FUCK. GOD DAMN

Blaine being truly honest for the first time in as long as we've known him by telling angus he made the sign from god, only to get a reality check when his dad isnt as selfish and cowardly as he is, except thats such a mindfuck because his dad is a horrible awful child abusive son of a bitch, and it must have been so confusing to watch the church devour fraud bater under angus's orders. How eagerly angus watches blaines reaction, how he so hopes that makes up for everything, its sickening. Especially at the end of their arc where if i got it correctly, enzo sold them out? Told FMG they'd be coming and led them to a trap? And we saw angus and his flock get shot down. I cant help but feel bad for blaine

Peyton refusing to let FMG get away with moving up the time of the execution, marching into that studio and taking iver the broadcast, being the REASON people SHOWED UP at the warehouse and being right there with johnny fucking frost of all people, and ravi right by her side.

Major leaping over the crowd of soldiers to tackle chase, raging out completely and rightfully after all the shit he had to do for what he believed to be the right cause, only for the leader of that cause to spit in his face by trying to execute the love of his life. Because despite everything they still love eachother still and major is so goddamn pissed hes not gonna let another person murder his kids and get away ith it (even tho we saw so little of captain seattle i do not rememebr his actual name. Or jordans half the time)

Liv's stone cold expression at pulling the level and crushing chase's skull, and being so right about it too. Still tho, it wasnt enough to bring levon back, just like every time she tries to do the thing she thinks is right, someone she loves dies for it. When she tries to shoot blaine on sniper brain but cant, lowell tries to and gets killed. When she saves the chaos killer victims and clive from dying to a zombie, that zombie just had to be drake. When she tries to help human-zombie relations (misguidedly) and save lives by being renegade, she gets a front row seat to levons head being crushed. Her pain is so real idec chase is done with. It wasnt a good ending for her and i can feel that so clearly, even with that hopeful ending scene

My friend and I talked abour how selfish Liv can be when we started watching together (her first time), but how selfish can someone be when they give up the cure for their ailment twice for other peoples happiness?

And Chase. God. That entire decline during the latter half of the season was brutal. When thwy announced renegades execution and the video came out, he was done it was over, there was truly no coming back from this. He was so out of it at the point of the supporters breaking in that his voice cracks when he shouts at major to stop and when he says dont shoot and hes scrambling wildly for some form of control, in this case a gun that he places his head right on the gillutine. I think its a mercy that he died so painlessly.

At least Dale and Clive got a happy ending to the season though, getting married and getting the cure. Clive calling liv partner when they were saying goodbye in chase's office, it was just so bittersweet

Hope its okay that this is so long i just wanted to dump my thoughts onto someone ^^ this show is phenomenal i cant recover from this tonight.

DAMN. THATS A LOT OF WORDS. DAMN.

I uh idk how to respond to most of this cus there's so much but I'll try my best (also why this took so long to reply sorry)

Blaine is a mixed feelings character, he's a fan favourite and he's always enjoyable to watch. Angus on the other hand idk a single soul who likes that bitch. Say what you will about Blaine, but Angus was EVIL. Shout out to Enzo for killing him off fr. We are grateful. All my homies hate Angus.

Also Enzo didn't exactly sell them out, he more completely set them up - he went directly to Blaine and Angus to make sure they went the exact route, made sure he was there for all the final plans, he collaborated directly with the US military to get rid of Angus and his pals. Like it wasn't a split second betrayal it was a planned execution, he knew full well Angus would take the bait and was probably hoping Blaine would too. I'm not sure if it was even an official FG operation because as far as we know, Chase didn't hear anything back from Enzo about the church. He didn't tell the press his name, he was the only FG personnel there - I'm sus that he just took it upon himself to deal with them. King behaviour.

And yeah Peyton was girlboss at the end of season 4 but it's like. When her bestie in danger she got all this proactive shit but when she's acting mayor the energies like half that. Makes me mad.

As for major. Little sympathy. Oh did your child soldiers get killed? Maybe child soldiers are a bad idea? Maybe you wouldn't be upset if you didn't have children as soldiers in the first place? Maybe giving untrained children weapons is guaranteed to go badly and end with them injured or killed? Do you think? Like. Honestly. And the way he was with Levon. Major was weird in season 4 idk. And I disagree with them killing Chase. There's so many worse people in the show that she can't bring herself to kill but Chase she executes without hesitation. He wasn't even that bad. I don't think its very fair for him either. Like he was trying his best to keep Seattle under control, and renegade was actively making everything worse. And if you think he was doing a bad job what came after in season 5? With Major: terrorism and hatecrimes peaked and he did nothing, he made Seattle completely reliant on Blaine who (bless him) is not trustworthy and not a good person and is obviously going to be a controversy. With Enzo: the second he took over, Majors mistakes blow up and Seattle dealing with civil war. Not to mention Enzo isn't great at de-escalation, at any point - not even just when he's in charge, since his introduction he walks in and makes situations worse on purpose (can't help being a girlboss)

As for your question about Liv being selfish - it's shortsightedness. She'll do selfless things that make her feel good but she won't consider the consequences. Stuff like giving up the cure is fine, not really any consequences, she gets to help her friends. The renegade stuff, she gets to scratch sick people and feel good about it - but the whole of Seattle gets closer and closer to dying horribly every time she does. It's like only caring about what's directly in front of her. Irritates me a little tbh. Especially when she's one of the only zombies not experiencing the food shortage so it's just this whole privilege thing while thousands of people are at risk.

Clive and Bozzio are so precious I love them so much they deserve everything. That's all.

Anyway, hope you and your friend enjoy season 5✌️

[madraleen]

Bungo Stray Dogs - Season 4 An Excitable Commentary

-omg?? tell me it's the fukuzawa-ranpo backstory, tell me it is so!!

-young oda??? my heart.

-why does ranpo's "help me, mister bodyguard" remind me of anya forger, lol

-HELLO hiro shimono, didn't expect to hear you, always the greatest pleasure

-ranpo is adorable. the world is all babies that he has to protect, tsk. adorable

-fukuzawa LITERALLY created the agency FOR ranpo, for his talent and his protection, literally his shield, i cannot. i love their story.

-everything is getting richer and richer as the story progresses. everything and everyone takes on so much more meaning.

-the bsd op and ending songs never disappoint. they all have something so nostalgic and heartfelt and dynamic in them, idk. they're like a tight tight hug that warms you and breaks you

-THE RATS FRAMED KUNIKIDA?! THAT'S SO UNFAIR!! KUNIKIDA OF ALL PEOPLE!

-i don't know when this turned into a ranpo-poe comedy act, but i love it

-THE ENDING ANIMATION, A MASTERPIECE, A MINI STORY

-hiroshi kamiya is a phenomenal va. i've followed him in quite a few roles now and just. he's. just. he is That Guy, you know?

- i really like nikolai's design???

-i really like this cast. the more i get to know them, the happier they make me

-the op song is so good. every time i sing along with that "monogatari no saki e," i feel connected to every person that's ever done the same, it's so cool

-we lost dazai AGAIN? ffs, we always lose dazai. from a practical point of view, of course, if dazai were here, it wouldn't matter that ranpo stormed off because we'd still have a second genius on the second team. BUT STILL

-gee, i can't, i love dazai's voice so much

-ranpo has lots of guts for someone who's basically defenseless. i worry.

-yes, talk to me about jester nikolai and demon fyodor, finally more info

-i hate this, BUNGO STRAY DOGS KEEPS DOING THIS, IT LURES US INTO UNGUARDED WHIMSY AND FUN AND LIGHTNESS, AND THEN FLIPS A SWITCH AND EVERYTHING GETS SAD AND DARK AND YOU'RE COMPLETELY UNPREPARED EVEN THOUGH YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER DAMMIT

-i really want to see how they'll pull off this plotline, this is an avengers-level reality-altering memory-tampering threat

-I thought that voice was familiar. yuki kaji, we meet again. is everyone from aot in bsd

-yuki kaji, man. another phenomenal va. i've seen him in a few different roles by now, and he just. he's so good. so versatile.

-is it just me being enchanted or is bsd actually really well-made animation-wise?

-CHUUYA MY MAN! TO THE RESCUE! and doing it in style! why am i tearing up

-eyyy, atsushi is using his brain well!

-they've really split up the teams in a way that they're at their weakest. no one has ranpo or dazai, so no genius intelligence, dazai and ranpo don't have anyone, so no defense, atsushi and kyoka don't have a mentor, and the port mafia trio are all basically supports. very interesting

-WHEEE GROUP LIFE COUNSELING WITH DAZAI AND FYODORRR (this anime is making me derangedddd)

-mamoru miyano's performance as dazai is inspired, i cannot

-who does the port mafia want though? dazai is too volatile. ranpo, they don't really need a genius. atsushi would clash with them at every turn. they could use tanizaki though, and i think he'd be the most okay at doing it, to protect naomi and such

-what a mindfuck

-dude, 11-year-old yosano's life is torture. that whole situation is torture, for everyone

-STOP HURTING KENJI-KUN!

-WHY ARE WE STABBING PORT MAFIA PEOPLE, THEY'RE NOT DISPENSABLE, STOP! surely tachihara and gin are fine??

-WHAT! TACHIHARA IS A SPY AND THE FIFTH HUNTING DOG?! IN OUR PORT MAFIA?! HOW DARE! HOW FUCKING DARE. yes i understand the perception right now is that the agency are terrorists and the hunting dogs aren't unjustified, BUT WE KNOW THE TRUTH SO I AM ALLOWED TO RAGE, OKAY?!

-do you ever just want to squeeze their lil chibi faces (re: the end titles)

-thank you for the acupuncture point sequel, that was a much needed comic relief, i laughed

-THEY'RE WALKING AROUND WITH STOLEN MONEY AND ERASING THE EVIDENCE, ANOTHER GEM

-dude wait, everything's paying off so nicely and coming around full circle, the metal guy and his brother from yosano's past, the writer friend's memory helping them escape, the plot is so much tighter and connected this season

-oi, ango is an ability user??

-ANGO THANK YOU

-and the Explanations For Dummies, thank you s4, thank you :')

-SURELY fyodor won't figure out dazai's communication method? surely he… *sigh*

-aha, "lol, controlling his heart rate, a classic dazai-kun party trick." y'know. the usual.

-THERE'S SOMEONE ABOVE FYODOR?!

-oh come on, it'll be us using the back of the page, right? RIGHT?!

-oh. oh no. will the arc not be resolved this season??? will it end on a cliffhanger?? i'm scared

-for a main character in an ensemble, atsushi holds his own even in this huge cast of wacky and/or charming people

-here's the thing, i really like fyodor's voice, dammit. and i like sigma.

-the hunting dogs could be heroes in their own damn story, but here i'm like I'M GONNA SLAP YOU SO HARD! but it's NOT their fault that they're the antagonists -.-

-oh. i was like, "that's a good plan, atsushi! a little gambly, but it's smart!" and then he goes "that's dazai-san's plan." yes. of course. why wouldn't it be mr heart rate's plan

-sigma basically: "i've only had this casino for eight days, but if anything happened to it, i would kill everyone in this room and then myself."

-okay, sigma gave in a little too fast to ango, but who cares

-OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NATHANIEL?! JUST LET US CATCH A BREAK, FYODOR, FFS

-lmfao, this outcome is the exact opposite of dazai-san's plan, nice

-okay, but. dazai has communication with ango so he gets feedback, he's in the know about what's happening outside. is someone feeding fyodor information too, or are you saying he's taken ALL of this into his calculations? surely not? surely someone's communicating with him as he's communicating with them?

-you can see dazai's mind working in light speed with every word fyodor says, heh

-mindfuck

-"you and i are powerless in the face of their intense spirits," dazai i love you

-TACHIHARAAAAA, YOU'RE PORT MAFIA, MY MAN, YOU'RE ONE OF US, TACHIHARAAAAA

-lmfao so nikolai IS alive, okay

-TO BE CONTINUED AHHHHHH

-omfg i'm gonna miss them so muchhh :"))) YES i'll start s5 in a couple of days, but that's not the point! i'll miss s4!!! everything that took place, every interaction, all of it! WHAT A RIDE!