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gloryofluv · 3 years

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Order up! (Coffee Shop AU) Chapter 12

Hahaha. I'm actually dying over this chapter! So much going on, but soooo good as far as the banter.

Previous Chapter

The next day was a big win. She got her doctor's stuff done, ate a big breakfast, and they actually got Leviathan out of his room to help. He assisted with all of her electronics and was extremely meticulous. Of course, Alex actually couldn’t talk to him because he would blush and walk away from her.

Well, she would have to work on him slowly.

That left her with bringing over all the unneeded items to her now cleaned-out bedroom on Friday early afternoon. Then, of course, work. She was pretty tired considering her busy ass days lately. Tons of emotional sifting. Although, it seemed a lot easier with each of the brothers. Even Mammon was taking on a new role; her protector.

After Belphie explained what happened the other night, or at least she thinks he did, Mammon has been a new man. He’s been getting her water, carrying heavy things for her, even complaining about her going to work at night. Totally switched from who he was. Interesting.

Working in a cafe in the afternoon and evenings. Actually, there’s something to be said about that. The clients are different. The creative types who work long boring jobs during the day and need to feed off the energy of caffeine and others. The families that are out and about, ready for the weekend ahead.

There’s also a startling amount of mischief. Alex twice had to tell someone they couldn’t yell on their cellphone in the lobby. Gotta give it to Jess. She was ballsy enough to want to work evenings all the time.

Alex was fixing her displays near the register when she heard someone clear their throat. She turned around and blinked. Simeon was standing there and not in his usual sweater, but a tank top and jeans.

“Oh, Simeon,” Alex puffed with color-dusted cheeks.

“I wasn’t expecting you here this evening, Alex,” he beamed.

“I switched with Jess. Oh, um, did you want me to,” she stopped her stammering and smiled. “Are you drinking tea tonight?”

He nodded and watched as she walked around the counter. “I’m just out with some of the mentors,” he explained and gestured to a table.

Alex glanced over to see two men. One had flowing blond hair and piercing blue eyes, and the other had darker hair in braids with soulful chocolate eyes. Both were quite interested in watching their interaction.

“That’s nice,” Alex beamed with a bounce to her head. “Did you want to get them something as well?”

“Just three of the hibiscus ginger,” Simeon smiled.

She was preparing the cups and glanced back at him. “How are you doing? I feel like this is the first time Luke isn’t with you.”

Simeon laughed and shrugged. “We always see you after he’s done with school. I work in the mornings and evenings. Did you figure out your living situation?”

She set the bags in the cups and nodded. “Yes, Lucifer offered me a room.”

“Interesting. He’s not usually noted for his generosity,” Simeon mused as she set the cups in front of him.

Alex gestured to the pastry case, and Simeon shook his head. “Oh, I don’t know about that, but he has been pretty decent to me. All of them are helping me move my stuff. It’s been pretty,” she paused and exhaled while looking away from him.

“It’s difficult to confess to needing people in our lives, Alex. it gives us more opportunity to have rejection and abandonment. However, it fortifies our hearts,” Simeon beamed.

She bent over the POS screen and scowled. “Simeon, this whole time, I thought I was over it. This whole time and I realized I just never let myself touch it. To truly understand what was lost because then that makes me defective, undesirable, broken.”

“You’re very desirable, and not for being someone serving coffee with a magnificent smile,” Simeon said as his cheeks darkened a touch.

She pressed her lips together before she smiled. “Thank you, Simeon. You truly are divinity in human form.”

“I’d very much like it if you let me take you to dinner. I’ve wanted to ask you for months, but I only see you when small ears are lingering. Would you let me? I very much like you, Alex,” Simeon said with a hint of surprise. He wasn’t expecting to ask her?

“Oh, um, okay,” she smiled and nodded.

Simeon laughed and smiled. “Okay.”

Alex jerked to action and pulled out a sheet, writing out her number. “Now you can text me. I have a challenging time reaching out first. It causes quite a bit of anxiety for me,” she confessed and handed him the small paper.

He held it up before tucking it in his jean pocket. “I will take the first step then,” he paused and handed her his credit card.

Alex beamed and completed the transaction. “Simeon, thank you for having the courage to say something. I know that took so much.”

He chuckled and tilted his head. “Alex, you’re a very courageous woman. You’ve done many things others haven’t in their life and still are sweet and kind. Boldness isn’t about action. It’s feeling. Now, I’m going to go entertain the other mentors, but I will come to say goodbye before I leave.”

She rocked her head and smiled. “Okay, Simeon, have a wonderful time.”

“I will now,” he winked and left with the three cups in his hand.

Jordan, who was working with her, glanced over while wagging his hand. Alex skipped over, and they tucked behind the espresso machine, out of view from the trio.

“What just happened?” he whispered with a wild smile.

“He asked me out,” Alex breathed and covered her mouth.

“So you said yes, right? He’s like chocolate-covered yummy. Toothache sweet. And was that your number you gave him?” Jordan questioned in a low tone.

Alex bounced her head with a snort. “Jordan, I was so not me,” she giggled quietly.

Jordan stood and started to vogue with a beat. “Oh, yeah, that’s right, that’s my girl,” he voiced and yanked her up. “Come on, let’s go,” he snorted.

Alex groaned but started to vogue and laughed as they made faces. “You’re ridiculous,” she laughed.

“Yes, quite.”

Oh. Alex paused and spun around to see Lucifer standing at the counter. “Oh, hello, Lucifer.”

“What type of manic state were you expressing?” He questioned.

Jordan walked up to the glass and smiled. “We were doing our ‘get happy girl’ dance.”

Lucifer arched an eyebrow. “That seizer replication isn’t dancing.”

Alex twitched her nose at the dark roast timer and shook her head. “Lucifer, it’s going to be two minutes on fresh. This is too old to serve you with how sensitive your pallet is.”

He smirked and waved. “I have time.”

“So, doing anything special tonight, Lucifer? Seeing anyone special? Doing anything with someone?” Jordan asked.

Lucifer glared at him with a pointed incredulous expression. “Special? Jordan, what have my brothers been saying to you?”

Jordan raised his eyebrows. “Well, nothing. I was just asking.”

Alex put the brewer up and flicked it on before turning around with a smile. Lucifer eyed her and then wagged his index finger. “You. You know.”

Her cheeks were burning, but she walked toward the counter. “N-no.” Nice. Brilliant. Sound more like a frightened child.

Lucifer’s grin became wicked as he leaned forward. “Tell me.”

Her face was melting as she stared up into brilliant sanguine eyes. “It, well, I only heard in passing, it’s not,” she stopped dead when he touched her cheek.

“Don’t babble, darling. Just tell me,” he smirked.

“Well, I saw a picture of you and Diavolo,” she murmured.

His nose scrunched, and his fingers slithered away from her cheek. “Which of them was it? I was positive I destroyed all digital evidence of that party,” he huffed.

Alex looked down at the counter. Anywhere but his eyes.

“I’m not upset with you. My brothers, however, have been plugging this annoying concept for years since that party. Diavolo and I were drinking, a rarity and Mammon shoved Diavolo into me just as Asmodeus was taking the picture. Diavolo was attempting what Asmodeus called a duck face. I was positive I cleared out everyone’s phone, so Diavolo’s reputation wasn’t at risk, but it seems someone kept it,” Lucifer explained while shaking his head.

Alex blinked and glanced back at him. “You two?”

“Never,” Lucifer spat.

Alex covered her mouth and shook her head.

Jordan snorted. “Wow, your brothers sure love to hassle you, don’t they?”

Lucifer shook his head. “It’s unfathomable how they have so much time for it.”

“Seems Alex was under the impression you were,” Jordan noted.

Alex pivoted and began pouring the coffee. Dammit. She still was going to have to face him. Turning around, he was smiling, and his posture read, alpha man, baby.

“Were you upset at my brothers’ lies?” He asked.

She shook her head and plastered on a smile. “It was just surprising. I wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“Well, now you don’t have to. I’m single, very much available, and diligent at any role I take on,” he smirked and handed her his credit card.

Alex was so glad she was able to keep her smile as her heart was racing like a pack of marathon runners. She swiped it and handed it back. “You do appear to be quite diligent.”

Another form approached the counter, and Alex broke her vision of Lucifer. Simeon leaned and smiled. “We’re going now, Alex. It was lovely to see you this evening.”

“Simeon, I see you brought Michael and Raphael with you,” Lucifer noted as he glanced back at the mentors walking out of the cafe.

Simeon beamed and nodded. “We’re headed to the hills to watch the meteor shower.”

Lucifer rocked his head. “Have a good night.”

“You too. Alex, I will text you tomorrow,” he declared and waved.

Alex smiled and waved. “Okay, Simeon, have a wonderful evening.”

Lucifer scowled and watched Simeon leave. “You’re now texting him?”

Oh… yeah, that’s right. Alex rocked her head. “Yes.”

“They have a date this week,” Jordan pipped with a smile.

“Date?” Lucifer questioned.

Alex felt the size of a flea with how much presence Lucifer had. It wasn’t even that he displayed outward displeasure. No, it was definitely what radiated off of him as he stood straighter and his chest bolstered to pronounced masculinity.

“Yes, he just asked her before you walked inside,” Jordan laughed. By the way, he likely wasn’t going to make it through this shift. Alex was going to murder him. “I guess it makes sense. She thought you were unavailable,” Jordan shrugged. Dead. He was going to die from suffocation on the coffee grounds.

“Well, I’m clearly available. Have a good evening, Jordan. Alex, we’ll talk when you get home,” Lucifer declared and left a tip in the jar before strolling out of the cafe with the same presence he held at the counter.

“I’m going to kill you,” Alex growled and glared at Jordan.

She smacked his arm, and he pouted. “I was only doing what you haven’t done in months, honey.”

“I live with him now, you, numbskull,” she hissed and smacked his arm again.

Jordan laughed and blocked a few more of her blows. “Come on, don’t be so angry. It isn’t like a date is a commitment. I just wanted to see if he’d get jealous.”

“By the slam of his car door, I think he was,” Solomon laughed and peaked over the counter. “You alright, Alex?”

“Look away, Solomon, I don’t want you an accessory to his murder!” She snarled and hit Jordan one more time.

“Don’t murder my darling J Getlow.”

Alex exhaled and turned fully to see Asmodeus and Solomon standing together. Jordan scowled and dropped his smile altogether. Alex knew a good payback when she saw one. She skipped up to the counter with a bright smile. “Well, hello, you two, are you on a date?”

Solomon arched his eyebrow, but Asmo squealed. “Oh, it could be! We were just going to try this new fro-yo place down the street, and Solomon heard you were working.”

She eyed Solomon with a subtle nod. Click. He got it. “Oh, yes, I had to have an eclectic appetite tonight,” he chuckled.

Jordan was leaning on the glass with a deep-set frown. “Wait, Asmo, you said you were going to be busy when I got off tonight. Is that because you’re with Solomon?”

“Yes,” Solomon smirked at him. “Is there a problem?”

Asmo tilted his head but shrugged. “I guess not.”

Jordan pulled from the glass and began cleaning the machines.

“Doesn’t feel good, does it?” Alex asked.

Jordan glared over at her. “Bitch,” he said in a whisper.

“Now, what are you both really doing tonight?” Alex smiled.

“The frozen yogurt, which I despise. However, Asmodeus was on a mission to convince me to help tomorrow. He says that you have some very private information in your father’s study and need help sorting it,” Solomon explained.

Alex pouted and put her two hands together in a heart shape. “Asmo, you just made my heart go boom. That’s so sweet that you would take time away on your Friday for me.”

“Please stop,” Solomon puffed and waved his hand. “That’s too adorable, and I can’t bear it.”

Alex laughed and leaned over the POS screen at the pair. “Seriously, I need to do something nice for both of you.”

“Get drunk tomorrow. House party. Your homecoming!” Asmo cheered.

Alex groaned and shook her head. “I doubt Lucifer would agree to any of that.”

“After the very flustered retreat, I might estimate your correctness,” Solomon chuckled.

“What happened?” Asmo questioned.

“Well, hunty,” Jordan walked up and clamped his hand on Alex’s mouth. “Simeon asked Alex out before Lucifer got here. Before that revelation, I made him pry out of her that she thought he was with someone else, which is why she hasn’t been answering his texts with little happy faces like usual. So, he just now realized she was into him, and now she’s going on a date with Simeon.”

Alex shoved him and groaned. “You’re a wicked, wicked queen.”

“It’s truly a shame one of our rules is no dating, said 'girl' in the house,” Asmo laughed and shook his head.

Solomon smiled and waved his hand. “How is it that you always seem to find the predicament of always too much but never enough.”

“I don’t know, Sol,” Alex groaned.

“Drinks tomorrow, at your old home to send off your last day actually living there,” Solomon smirked.

“That doesn’t sound like that came with a please,” Alex snorted.

“It wasn’t a request,” Solomon shook his head.

“Fine, but you’re bringing the booze, and I’m not responsible for your ride home,” Alex said.

Solomon nodded. “I have exquisite wine. You’ll enjoy it.”

“We will?” Asmo asked.

Jordan nodded.

“Fine,” Solomon chuckled. “Yes.”

Alex reached over and ruffled his hair. “You’re just a big softy under all that analysis and formulas.”

Solomon puffed and pushed her handoff. “Yes, alright. Don’t patronize my kindness.”

“What am I getting you both?” Alex beamed. Solomon rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced up at the menu. “Decaf americano, two pumps with half and half,” Alex said.

Solomon laughed and nodded. “Actually, yes, that would be appropriate.”

“Multitude of gestures, Solomon,” Alex smiled.

“It’s actually freaky that you can do that, Alex,” Asmo gasped.

“I can remember everyone’s orders, but I have to label where to put my keys. Don’t even know why,” Alex laughed and turned to grab a cup. “Decaf skinny iced vanilla with a sugar-free caramel pump, Asmo?”

Asmo clapped. “You took my evening order once, Alex! That’s so impressive! Oh, I just want to bathe you in aromatherapy and take you to bed.”

“Let’s not go that far,” Jordan glared at him.

Asmo pouted. “Fine.”

Solomon paid, and Alex smirked at the pensive man. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, I was just thinking. There might be an opening in the company for public relations. I could put in a stellar word for you. It’s all research and pharmaceuticals, but you have a delightful personality, and you’re degreed.”

“Solomon, that would be awesome if you would do that for me,” Alex gasped.

He smiled and rocked his head. “Okay, I will. I’ll text you my email, and you send your resume to me.”

Jordan brought over their drinks, and Asmo left a hefty tip before blowing him a kiss. “Come over later?”

Jordan arched an eyebrow. “You’re not going to be busy?”

Asmo snorted and giggled. “No, silly, come on over. I want to have a pamper session,” he winked and sipped his drink.

Alex tried so hard to hide her blush. Wow, these two men. It’s like they were made to outdo each other.

“If you put your phone away during, then yes,” Jordan smirked.

“Fine,” Asmo pouted. “See you when you get off so I can,” Asmo laughed and flitted out the door.

“Strange creature,” Solomon chuckled.

“Says you, Doctor X,” Alex sneered.

Solomon laughed and waved. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex.”

Jordan sighed when he left and patted her shoulder. “Guess I’m getting laid tonight. Now we need to work on you.”

Alex yanked herself away and waved a hand. “Stop that. Nope. Not doing it. We’re not having that type of discussion after the man I’m going to live with said he’s going to suck your straw.”

Jordan laughed and skipped over. “Babe, come on.”

“Time to prepare to close, boss,” she sneered at him.

Jordan grinned and winked. “We’ll work on it,” he whispered and got to work.

Alex exhaled and shook her head, but a smile crept on her lips. It was really nice to see Jordan happy. However, the thought of closing came with another issue. What the fuck did Lucifer want to talk about. The thought made her queasy.

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kdramachitchat · 3 years

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Jirisan Episode 4 recap: Snakes and a scarred hand

Episode 4 begins in 2020, Dawon check the rock arrangement and sees a flock of crows above her and heavy dark clouds. Hyunjo tries to speak to her but bolted while he was oustretching his hand. We cut to the hospital where Hyunjo's body is trembling with the bruise on the same hand he's outstretching to her. At the station Yikang studies the daily log ins of Daejin. She notices the pattern during his day offs and it's in correlation with he disappearances. She also checked Hyunjo's daily log ins and she matched with the result of Hyunjo died during the same day Daejin had a day off. So, are they hinting that it's Daejin who killed Hyunjo?

Dawon came back and shared to Yikang the photos of the new stick placements and not only that the stick started moving up in the air by itself. Yikang realizes that it hints to Sumgol Rock, then issued a alert to all the dutied rangers like pretending she received a call from a hiker. The 2 rangers found a man who's having a seizer and we notice that its the same from Hyunjo's vision. The man was taken to the hospital after.

At the hospital, Woongsoon informs Yikang that the victim drank yogurt that he found at thestream. Yikang then remembers Hyunjo telling her that the glove man put the poison in Granny Geumrye's bag for him to cover tracks and the same thing happened to Private Ahn. Since it keeps pointing on the yogurt, Yikang decides to question the victim. The victim keeps on telling her that he saw the ghost covered in blood wearing a ranger uniform and saw itwith his own eyes. It is a snow ranger uniform. To confirm she showed a picture of Hyunjo wearing the uniform and the victim reasured that it's him clearly freaking out.

We are back to 2018, where Yikang brings Hyunjo to the Endangered Species Restoration Centre to help a staff. One of the microchipped Korean rat snakes that was part of an ecological study has been dropped and Soojin wants them to look for it while on patrol, but Yikang has a better idea. They changed to civilian clothes and went to a food store who's illegally harvesting snakes which eventually confirmed their suspicions. They both staked out the place and carried an antenna which starts to picking up a signal. The owners then closes the store and they continue to drive to investigate at the signal's pickup. They arrived at a warehouse which are full of endangered snakes. The snakes got confiscated and we see someone watching both of them who has scratches on their hand. That night Hyunjo dreamt of the same scarred hand placing a rounded object to the stone and sees it dripping of blood.

The next day, the duo went out to the area where Hyunjo saw his dream and ofcourse they find nothing. The snake couple decides to catch more snakes instead to pay their fine. We also see the same scareed hand placing the rounded object above the stone. The husband went to it and when he picked it up it exploded which created lots of blood splattered across the area. The wife came in who's in shock. Hyunjo and Yikang went to the scene and finds the wife screaming over in shock. The rangers start investigating the potato bomb and its the object that poachers used during the 60s-70s. The duo tells the group and they have patrolled the area and found nothing. This statement shocks Daejin and continues to ask the certainity. The incident went to the neewspapers the next day. Yikang and Hyunjo were questioned by the team. The chief decides to take responsibility for the incident and resigned.

At the townhall meeting, Yikang's been tasked to hand out flyers and no accepts but the person who owns the scarred hand. Her eyes are glued and its obvious that he's the same man from the family picture with Yangsun at the grandpa’s home. The man reveals himself to her then the episode ends.

Thoughts

It seems that they're trying to connect the scarred hadn owner to Daejin. Did they do something to Hyunjo? This episode is slow and the mountain incident regarding the endangered snakes is not that interesting. Although Hyunjo at 2020 timeline slowly appearing infront of Dawon is interesting and Yikang slowly figuring things out. In regards if i prefer 2018 or 2020, i prefer 2020 despite it being slow. Hopefully they change the incidents in 2018 to be more interesting.

#2021 #Jirisan

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af-answers · 6 years

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Trouble: Commander Root was the best commander and the bravest elf in the history of the LEP, hands down. No one, NO ONE could ask for a better leader or mentor.

Foaly: Everyone has flaws, commander.

Trouble: Don’t speak ill of the fallen, techie.

Holly: Julius was a hard elf to get to know. He was a product of his time, but he tried very hard to bring the LEP into a new age. I am part of that vision. Did he do his job perfectly? No. But he tried his best to be just while balancing the political, domestic, internal and public facets to the job. Sometimes that felt unfair to me. Sometimes it was. But he tried his hardest, and made a positive difference. Which is all any of us can aspire to.

Trouble: Commander Root was at his best in the field. He understood how his soldiers thought, and he catered to that to build a morale. He didn’t look down on us, but worked with us. He was strong, but free with advice. He thought it was important to preserve fairy values.

Foaly: It’s not the commander I miss. I never saw Julius as my boss. He was my tormenter, sure, but never above me. He was my equal, and as much as I nagged at him, he was my friend.

Holly: Me too, Foaly. He was more of a father to me than my own father ever was. He believed in me and protected me-- as much as I allowed, anyway. I don’t need much protection, but it’s nice to know someone wants to watch my back, you know?

I know Julius was proud of us. He said so when I went back in time, back when I was a rookie, even. Even though I broke the rules, even though Foaly talked back to him and Trouble could be a bit slow on the uptake, he recognized our strengths and used them. That’s what a good leader does.

@seizer-of-the-day @asksteampoweredwolf

#artemis fowl #af-answers #trouble kelp #holly short #foaly #centaur #elf #angst

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gkgandesbery-blog · 3 years

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One of the most heart wrenching things about being a parent is finding out your child has a incurable disease or disability. Many children and families are faced with this each year. This year it was me and my Angel. It started out as me just noticing while talking with her, she turned her head as if to be distracted. She could not see or hear me for about 5 seconds. After her attention returned, it appeared she had no recollection of what had transpired. I wrote it off as her just being tired at first. Then I bargain to see it happen again and again. I started to panic and worry. What if it was something bad? What would I do if it was not fixable? What if it was a tumor and fatal? I took her to the Doctor and I told her what I had seen. She sent us to a specialist. My Angel was diagnosed with Absent epileptic seizures. I find out that many children have this disability. It starts around 3 to 4 years of age and most from out of it by around 12 or 13. Angle had been having problems in school. She was falling behind. I had thought the reason was behavior and self control issues. That is how the school reported it to me? I tried to deal with it the usual way with disciplinary consequence. That never seemed to work. In some was it only made things worse for her. She began to say things like “I’m stupid”, “Everyone thinks I stupid”, “I want to kill myself”. I learned that her seizers could be the cause. They ran an EEG test in her. That’s when they attach small wires all over your head and the record your brain activity. My baby was having electrical surges that spans her entire brain. This is when the brain sends signals to parts of our brain and other parts of our body to signal a smell or movements. Her signals were many at once and involuntary. I realized that I had missed my mark on this one. She had been having these for years and nobody ever knew. She thought she was stupid. She lost her self confidence. She thought she was told things and could not remember them. She did not know that she never received the information in the first place. This was a real eye opener. Parents are responsible for the safety and well being of their kids. Please pay attention to your kids. Watch them play and interact. Look at them when you talk to them. Most importantly listen to them. This is important and you must pay attention. Angle liked to swim and ride her bike. Looking back I remember her coming home with skinned knees crying that she fell on her bike. I thought it was just normal circumstances. But I was wrong. Imagine being on a bike going 20 mph and without warning you go blind and draft for 5 seconds. What do you think could happen in that situation? I told others about the situation and they had told me they knew someone who had a kid with this disability. They went swimming and the child drowned because they had a seizure while swimming. I was terrified. I had been letting her swim for many months and even years. I could have lost her. How could I ever forgive myself for what could have happened? Please pay close attention to your kids. Be aware of their interactions. God and Our special Angel in heaven was watching over us fir sure. Today Angel is on medication and is seizer free. Her grades have picked up and she is a happy 10 year old excited about her future. She is the love of my life and I am so thankful that I caught this and helped her. Thanks also to all those that sent payers too. I hope that today’s story helps someone out there. I hope it saves a child’s life and that is the greatest thought in the world to have. Blessings

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spiritualdirections · 7 years

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Professional women today are as unhappy as their suburban housewife grandmothers. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“The Ambition Collision,” by Lisa Miller is one of the more read articles on the New York Magazine website. It compares the malaise that professional women feel today with the malaise of the suburban housewife Betty Freidan characterizes in The Feminine Mystique.

What is this midlife crisis among the 30-year-olds I know? Millennial women — at least those who reside in professional bubbles — seem to have it all. They are better educated, more prosperous, less encumbered by cultural expectations than any previous generation of women. They delay marriage (if they marry at all) and children (if they choose to conceive). They can own or rent. They can save or spend. These women have been on familiar terms with their ambitions all their lives — raised by careful parents to aim high (millennial women are likelier than their male peers to have professional jobs, to be managers, and to work in finance), and tutored by their cultural icons to perform their empowerment, and never submit. You know, “Bow down, bitches,” as they say.

So why are the well-employed, ambitious 30-year-olds of my acquaintance feeling so adrift, as discontented as the balding midlife sad sacks whose cliché dissatisfactions made Updike rich? The women complain of the enervating psychic effects of the professional treadmill as white-collar piecework and describe their dread as they contemplate bleak futures — decade after decade, they imagine, unfulfilled. After a lifetime of saying ‘yes’ to their professional hunger — these are the opportunity-seizers, the list-makers, the ascendant females, weaned on Lean In — they’ve lost it, like a child losing grasp of a helium balloon. Grief-stricken, they are baffled too, for they have always been propelled by their drive. They were the ones who were supposed to run stuff — who as girls imagined themselves leaving the airport in stylish trench coats, hailing a taxi with one hand while holding their cell in the other.

Who ever said that work should be the be-all?

Now, “there’s no vision,” one woman said to me. “Nothing solid,” said another. Limp, desperate, they fantasize about quitting their good jobs and moving home to Michigan. They murmur about purpose, about the concrete satisfactions of baking a loaf of bread or watching a garden grow. One young woman I know dreams about leaving her consulting job, which takes her to Dubai and Prague, to move back home and raise a bunch of kids. Another, an accountant with corner-office aspirations, has decided to “phone it in” for a few years while she figures out what she wants to do. Mostly, though, these women don’t bail out. They are too responsible, and too devoted to their wavering dreams. They stay put, diligently working, ordering Seamless and waiting for something — anything — to reignite them, to convince them that their wanting hasn’t abandoned them for good. Any goal would do, one woman told me: a child, a dog — “even a refrigerator.” People have been motivated by less.

Get a grip, I want to tell them, for I am old enough to be, if not their mother then their world-weary aunt. Who ever said that work should be the be-all? You work for money. The money you earn pays the rent. You are the very, very lucky few, in possession of the jobs and apartments that every tier-one college student wants. But the more I listen, the more I think I hear in these young women’s voices the echo of something familiar — the complaints of a long-ago generation but in reverse. The female dissatisfaction chronicled by Betty Friedan in The Feminine Mystique was prompted by a widespread awakening to the bullshit promises of domestic happiness, manufactured by culture to make female containment look good. Now another bullshit promise has taken its place, and another generation is waking up.

Here’s some thoughtful commentary from an MIT student:

Last night, I was reading some articles from “The Cut”, a section of New York Magazine. I came across this one, titled “The Ambition Collision” by Lisa Miller. It's one of The Cut's most read articles, and describes how a generation of professional millennial women face a strange, unexplainable burnout. They seem to lose their motivation and desire after a few years in the workforce, or at once on entering it. ...What intrigued me about the article is what the author said after describing this problem, which is that, while those external struggles exist, there’s still a deeply personal perspective problem that everyone has. I’ll let the article explain itself here:

“The lesson of The Feminine Mystique was not that every woman should quit the ‘burbs and go to work, but that no woman should be expected to find all her happiness in one place — in kitchen appliances, for example. And the lesson for my discontented friends is not that they should ditch their professional responsibilities but that they should stop looking to work, as their mothers looked to husbands, as the answer to the big questions they have about their lives. “I think possibly work has replaced ‘and they got married and lived happily ever after,’ and that is a false promise,” says Ellen Galinsky, co-founder of the Families and Work Institute. “Everyone needs to have more than one thing in their life. We find people who are dual-centric to be most satisfied. If people put an equivalent stress on their life outside of their job they get further ahead and are more satisfied at their job.””

Though this insight was shared through the lens of writing about women’s issues, I think it’s a useful thing to think about for everyone. After graduating high school and moving into college, I graduated in a lot of other ways too. Some were expected--I reached new levels of independence and capability. Some were unexpected, like new reaching new levels of confidence, or weird, like a new level of defining myself and understanding the depth of my identity. And somehow, I seemed to reach a new level of sadness or discomfort too. Adult feelings somehow are more complicated than kid feelings, and I still haven’t figured out why. It’s not that I feel more or less happy than when I was child (although probably it’s a little bit less, lol) but it’s that, as a child you at least always know why you’re unhappy--denial of ice cream, the onset of sleepiness, a little brother that destroys your things. Unhappiness is for the most part temporary and usually defined by a single moment.

Adult unhappiness has seemed to involve many more themes, where the same feelings always worm their way into whatever sadness I’m feeling that day, even if they have nothing to do with why I’m sad in that moment. It feels a little more chronic. Maybe it’s because of passage of time, and accumulating many more things to be unhappy about over the years. Sometimes sadness is unexplainable, like those women in The Cut article, just a strange listlessness that I can never articulate very well.

Sometimes coming to MIT feels a little bit like hitting a ceiling too. At least in my case, MIT was a goal I worked on for a full 7 years (I first started reading the blogs in middle school, lol). A sentence from this article stands out to me: “It’s as if the women have cleared spaces in their lives for meteoric careers, and then those careers have been less gratifying, or harder won, or more shrunken than they’d imagined.”

MIT was certainly hard won. And I had known, at least superficially, that what I was doing was kind of insane--I worked really hard to get into a place where I would have to work even harder. I think what I hadn’t prepared for was just how dissatisfying it can be to have hard work feel fully wasted. Freshmen year there was a lot of studying for days to barely pass, rather than studying for days to at least get a decent grade. But now that’s mostly over--my classes are in the field I most enjoy, they’re interesting, and though they’ve certainly required hard work, my academic life is a little more balanced. So why does that feeling of burnout, dissatisfaction, listlessness still hit? (it’s always in November or February....)

Maybe it's because as a student, life is still pretty centered around work. But things outside of work aren't always great either...

As Pascal said, all people complain, even those at the top of society. The world is fallen, and so it doesn’t live up to our desires that it not be fallen. And nothing in the world can make that fallenness go away. We’ll eventually all feel this if we are sensitive and thoughtful and realistic, if we don’t just distract ourselves from it. Not even a great university or great career or great apartment can make us deeply happy.

#feminism isn't radical enough #the world is fallen #existential crisis

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seizerofdarkness · 10 months

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Dan brawl-blocked again.

Drago took a day job. Damn. And his boss calls him Dragannoying, yikes.

Ventri beat up a stoplight when she first arrived apparently.

"Hi Trox! Yeah, Pegatrix didn't make it, how's Wynton btw?"

Pfft

Trox likes Griffin's musical tastes!

Elemental energy outbreak happening again.

Kage saving his future homoerotic bf rival, nice

They warped to Iceland?!

DAMN DAN AGREED ALREADY. Philomena, Benton, Faustus, you suck compared to Kage.

Dan: "Right, your rival and mortal enemy is a dragon, my bad."

Drago: "Correct, your bad."

Dan: "Kage, I might need a takebacksie."

Nillious: "No takebacksies!"

I SWEAR TO GOD THE COMEDY IS GENIUS.

Darn, too bad they ain't buds. Nillious' right heads is the sympathtic talker with passive agressive remarks, while the other is the brutally honest one.

Nillious won the rematch, welp

#bakugan #seizer watches

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meshugana1 · 6 years

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Can you have my girlfriend turn me into a submissive ballerina girl dancing en pointe after I insult her dancing when she is showing me what she learnt?

Payton was beyond excited when she entered the doorway to her apartment and immediately tossed her bag on the couch next to her boyfriend and initiated a series of pirouette’s around the living room and circled the couch then moved into her adagio movements. Her boyfriend sat on the couch disinterested with his dancing girlfriend, far more interested in progressing in his game. Cade had never been interested in her outside the bedroom and he hardly paid attention to her wants, dreams, thoughts, and feelings. He was an imposing man with dark hair and relied on the charity of those around him to maintain his lifestyle, Payton wasn’t wise to his game when they met and he took full advantage worming his way into her home.

She ended her demonstration with an assemblé and posed beautifully in front of him. He remained oblivious to her and leaned to catch a better view of the television screen. Her excitement died and she let her arms fall. Ballet was something she had wanted for a very long time but it was considered a little too girlish even in their small town, she had all but given up hope when a studio opened up in the main square. It was small and didn’t have much of a class but Payton had leaped at the chance to try one of her dreams. The woman that ran it was a little past middle aged but still had the trim figure of a prima ballerina, she had once been just that until the inevitable happened and she retired to this small town to spread her passion for the art. As it stood Payton was her only regular student and listened to her ballet mistress like a nun listened to the gospel.

“Babe, could ya move outta the way?” Cade said not even bothering with eye contact and expectant for her compliance.“What did you think?” Payton said.“Of what?”“My dancing? My ballet…I think it’s coming along real nice don’t you?”“Are you really still doing that shit? How much is she charging you to go to a room with a mirror and bounce up and down a whole bunch?”“That’s not ballet Cade and you know it. C’mon, just tell me what you thought.”“Would you shut up and move? I’m almost past this level.”“Why won’t you just tell me what you thought? You play this stupid game all the time,” she said now actively trying to disrupt his view, “just tell me what you thought it’ll only take a second.”“Get outta the way!” He said but the damage was done and he watched his on-screen avatar die brutally and he felt his annoyance turn to rage. He threw his controller on the ground, cracking its hard plastic and sending the buttons flying then rose to his feet in front of her, she was trembling as she had yet to see this side of him.

“Fuck! You wanna know what I think of your stupid dancing shit? Fine! You fucking suck at it! You look like you’re having a fucking seizer and I’m completely humiliated to even be near you when you’re doing it. Fuck, it feels like I’m being turned gay with how fuckin’ girly that shit is. Now thank’s to you I gotta go buy a new controller, now get outta the way.” He roughly moves past her and she can hear his truck rumble to life and speed away. She felt empty as the tears formed in her eyes, she could feel them trickle down her cheek but she didn’t feel sad. That came a moment later as she squatted in her tutu and held herself. She didn’t know who to talk to so she left and walked the distance back to her ballet studio in a blurred haze.

She felt hands take her shoulders and was relieved to see her ballet mistress asking what was wrong. All her restrained emotions came pouring out and the old dance teacher held her and listened to the whole sordid affair. After Payton had calmed down some her mistress when and brewed her some tea and told her a little bit about herself, Payton was awed by the bombshell she had shared with her but a smile crept up her face when the older woman made a suggestion that would be quite beneficial to them both.

Cade was disquieted by his outburst, not from any genuine remorse but because he may have allowed his temper to threaten his situation. He had plans for these sorts of happenings though and made a quick trip to a florist to buy her some roses, no other flower seemed to fix this sort of screwup like roses. He pulled out his phone to give her a call to apologize and recommend a romantic evening, it always seemed more genuine with a phone call as it came off like it just occurred to him and that it isn’t rehearsed. It was unnecessary though as she had called him, she was going on the offensive and wouldn’t even let him speak before she told him that if they wanted to stay together he needed to meet her at her ballet studio right away. He said yes with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, he was not looking forward to watching her flop around with that shit but if it got him back in her good graces then he could stomach it for a bit.

He pulled in to the parking lot finding it totally empty as he took a space and forced a smile, armed with his bundle of roses he confidently made his into the building. He saw her still in her precious tutu and an older woman stood beside her in a dark singlet. “Hey babe,” he said starting first hoping to seems like the one who initiated the forgiveness, “I just wanted to say first off that it was really wrong of me to fly off the handle like that. You didn’t deserve it, and I got you these to show how much I mean it.” He handed her the flowers and her face showed a little confusion as she looked at her instructor, she returned with a glance communicating confidence and a pat on her shoulder. She shook her head and said “Cade, you’re a terrible boyfriend. You treat me like a burden and you only care about yourself, thankfully I have a wonderful teacher who has a solution that could benefit everybody.”“And what’s that?” He said, incredulity dripping from his words.“You’re gonna join the studio!”“Yeah, right. You can go ahead and dance on your little tutu all you like but I will be dead before you see me dancing like that.” He said. It was the instructor who piped up next.

“We shall see.” She said, she then rose her hand and snapped her fingers much more loudly than Cade had ever heard someone do before. Suddenly the layabout found his back had straightened out instantly and his feet came together at the heels and his toes pointed away from each other on a perfect line. His arms were where held in front of his chest with his elbows bent forming a semicircle. “That is called ‘first position’ but I’m afraid your ratty clothes are ruining your pose. Let’s fix that,” she said and snapped her fingers again. Cade watched as his clothes rippled and reformed on his body from loose fitting and comfortable to skin tight. He wanted to yelp as he was now dressed in the same sissy outfit his girlfriend wore! His powerful legs were encased in white hosiery that covered his legs and pelvic area completely. His feet were wrapped in pink slippers that had bows decorating the toe. He couldn’t see the bulge of his manhood or his muscular ass through the pink, glittery tutu that was wrapped around his waist. His eyes bulged at the image he imagined he gave off below it and was still embarrassed by the top that covered only his belly and pecs, clearly it was intended for a woman which pained him even more.

His muscles burned at the odd angle they were forced to maintain but as with most things he adjusted, much to his dismay. “Well, I think we’re on the right track cut that disgusting body hair has to go.” She snapped her fingers again and he felt all the hair his body had spent years growing pull back inside of him and leave every inch of him as smooth as a baby’s bottom save for his head and eyebrows. Even his proud bush of pubic hair was no more and though he couldn’t see it he looked like a child down there. He could hear his former girlfriend laughing her ass off as the instructor stroked her chin looking him over. “Still no good, all this unsightly muscle and fat. Not to mention this little thing,” she said raising her foot to stroke his shaft with her slipper, “you seem like the type of loser to get off on people paying attention to you so I’m going to need to make a few more changes.” He closed his eyes but heard the snap of her magical fingers anyway and if he wasn’t being held in place her surely would’ve collapsed from the alienness of the sensations racking his body.

He felt his hair, each strand feeling like it was being pulled out and lengthened to below his shoulders. Her muscles felt like they were boiling and he could see them shrink and leave him with scrawny little arms and legs. His chest did not shrink and he counted his blessings, but it was premature as he saw them plump up and gain several inches that were undeniably breasts. They weren’t big but they were very noticeable considering how large and erect his nipples were. He felt his cock grow hard as his breathing caused the sensitive nubs to rub his dress and send erotic shivers all over him. He felt his panties dig into the crack of his ass as his derrière plumped up and gave him an incredible ass that could only be described as perfect. He felt his face mold into a feminine image of beauty and he could feel his feet shrink and become dainty little things he couldn’t believe were holding him up. Then the thing he dreaded most happened and he felt his hard cock draw up and recede into his body. He closed his eyes and tried to will away the feelings and ignore this twisted reality but he wasn’t strong enough and he felt his cock and balls slip back into his body and become his new reproductive system. A clitoris formed and his slit took shape. Finally, a loud crack was heard as his pelvic bowl widened and his hips took shape.

What stood before them was a vision of the perfect ballerina. Medium height, dark hair tied into a tight bun, modestly sized breasts, a perfect ass and a tight, flat tummy. Cade or rather ‘Cadence’ was terrified to see his reflection in the mirror but it was unavoidable. If he could he would’ve cried. He heard the witch snap her fingers again and braced for even more changes but instead his arms extended and his legs widened their stance. “This is the second position,” the ballet mistress said, “we are going to use magic to help you get the basic positions down at first but you will be expected to learn and become our Prima Ballerina, if you resist or refuse then I’ll just use my magic again and make you do it. I could do that all the time but where would the fun in that be? You will be rented out to dance companies when you’re ready and all the money will come back to us. If you ever want to even dream of being a man again you’ll do as we say, clear?” And it most definitely was. They made him practice tirelessly and even without the mistresses magic Cadence was too weak-willed to argue or refuse and in time became an incredible dancer. On his first night performing in front of a live audience, his mistresses prediction came true and he was so wet he had to borrow several pads from the other dancers.

The end. I hope I didn’t screw this one up too bad for ya!

#ballerina #MtF tf #ass expansion #request

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luxuryfakewatches · 4 years

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bloojayoolie · 5 years

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Beautiful, Cats, and Children: Dolley Id 62409, 5 Yrs. 44 Ibs., Dreaming of Happiness at Manhattan ACc TO BE KILLED 6/22/19 Dolly is a playgroup helper dog! A volunteer writes: “I wonder what Dolly's life was like before arriving at the care center? We will likely never know. Well, what's really important now is to find her a new home and a loving family able to put a smile on her face while getting in return a great pet! Dolly is a little black orchid found in a forest rather than in a florist shop. She is genuine, untamed and everything seems new to her here in our premises. She goes here and there, runs, jumps for treats or when called, wags her tail a lot, looses herself briefly in a caretaker's arms, sits at times and seems puzzled by toys and balls. Her kennel is not her favorite place and I doubt she was ever confined. Dolly is a blank canvas open to writing a whole new book with a new owner who will teach her all about love and being loved, good manners and achieving a perfect match! Dolly is quite endearing and the promise of a beautiful relationship in savvy, caring and loving hands. Come and meet her soon at the Manhattan Care Center!” A Staff Member Notes: Dolly is a playgroup helper dog! Dolly is sweet and social. Volunteer Evelyne Cumps Notes: Dolly is very sweet, playful, affectionate, good with other dogs and healthy beside her URI. She is LEVEL 1 rated! and a little more hyper as she is so craving for love and attention. MY MOVIES Dolly and Sunny in Playgroup https://youtu.be/_KdnXl5AIHc Playful Dolly https://youtu.be/KdzeDutJNPY Django and Dolly in Playgroup https://youtu.be/qZk5jBPUExI DOLLY, ID# 62409, 5 yrs old, 44 lbs, Unaltered Female Manhattan ACC, Large Mixed Breed, Charcoal / White I came into the shelter as a aco impound on 5/9/2019. 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For a New Family to Know: Friendly Behavior Assessment Date of intake:: 5/9/2019 Spay/Neuter status:: No Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Stray Date of assessment:: 5/12/2019 Summary:: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Moderate Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: None Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Distracted, does not approach Call over: Approaches With coxing Sociability comments: Body soft, sniffs room Handling Soft handling: Seeks contact Exuberant handling: Seeks contact Comments: Body soft, leaning into pets Arousal Jog: Follows (loose) Arousal comments: None Knock: Approaches (loose) Knock Comments: None Toy: Grips, relinquishes Toy comments: Body soft Summary:: *HELPER DOG* Dolly has demonstrated most compatibility with other dogs who are playful and social. 5/14: When introduced off leash to a male greeter dog, Dolly is soft and social, attempting to solicit play. 5/15: Dolly engages in exuberant play with male and female dogs. 6/4-PRESENT: Dolly is highly playful and social. 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Weight: 51 lbs 5/10/2019 MC (-), FI, appx 1-3y Reported by field to have had three seizure like episodes after finding the animal as a stray Some possible dermatitis/allergies noted (between toes have alopecia and inflamed dry skin) Good body condition otherwise Very energetic and easily aroused--limited to visual exam and vaccines, placed into medical for observation overnight 6/18/2019 As per Dr 1657, ran CBC/chem/t4 and uploaded results to vet documents. Vet Notes 5/10/2019 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age:4-5y Microchip noted on Intake?no Microchip Number (If Applicable): History :stray dog. Reported to have 3 seizures in 5 hours with finder Subjective:BAR Observed Behavior -relaxed and wagging tail, trying to jump up. 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paleface-warmheart · 5 years

Text

Is it farewell to the ‘clever girl’?

“That’s right, but they never attack the same place twice.They were testing the fences for weaknesses. Systematically” - Jurassic Park 1993

Meaning ‘swift seizer’ in Latin, the Velociraptor appears to be the most terrifying of all of the dinosaurs. During that 1993 classic film from my childhood, the scene in which they hunt and terrorise the young children in the kitchen would give me nightmares. So much so, that as a grown adult in my 30′s I still cannot watch that scene. The thought of these ferocious, predatory creatures who hunt in packs, and fool their prey were more horrifying to me than the Tyrannosaurs Rex ever was.

After a recent interaction with an old ‘friend’ those memorable lines from Jurassic Park, ‘clever girl’ and the one about how they try to find weaknesses in the perimeter fencing, came flooding back to me. Why? Why would I suddenly be reminded of those lines when thinking about the old ‘friend’ that I had known of since Kindergarten. The one who grew up with me in the same country area, and the one whose parents and mine, were former best friends. That was really all we had in common. She was never very good at school, didn’t have much interest in the bands and movies I liked, was painfully thin while I was the ‘fat kid’. She also appeared scarily asthmatic requiring a ridiculous breathing machine during class times each Winter. Unnecessary, but she loved the attention. To later discover that she was also creepily infatuated with her next door neighbour throughout high school, just added to her oddness. Neighbour was also a girl, but this one was beautiful, earthy, somewhat intelligent and highly attractive to the opposite sex. This old ‘friend’ would latch onto her, want to know her whereabouts, what she was doing, when they would be catching up again. It was suffocating. The beautiful girl knew that she would never let go until she had to break away, escape the clutches of the old ‘friend’. I couldn’t help but think of how whenever I would catch up with this old ‘friend’ she would make me feel worse about my situation. I would end up rehashing the horrible parts of my life. She would then complain about receiving financial support from her parents in ways that I had only ever dreamed of. After catching up with her this last time, I would no longer feel frustrated, weak and bewildered, like I often had in the past. Things had been made so much more obvious to me, and she was still the same. How and why?

Was it her lack of insight? Selfishness? Spoiltness? Inability to accept responsibility for her long history of shitty behaviour? That behaviour that my partner had recently experienced right after the horror of discovering that his ‘special lady’ had jumped from a 5-storey building in a failed attempt to end her own pain, and his too. The selfishness of the old ‘friends’ behaviour that was evident in her reaction towards him. The tantrum-like behaviour of an individual who was not getting her way, not getting what she wanted, not getting what she had too often gotten from me. Priority. Granted, it was an incredibly stressful, shocking time, and she was understandably upset, traumatised and in disbelief. Sounds a bit like how I felt when I discovered the truth, and sounds a lot like how Nick felt the entire time too, and in many ways still does.

That feeling of nervousness, but satisfaction in being able to confront her, to witness whether she was going to face-up and admit that she was wrong. To admit that her behaviour towards Nick was inappropriate, self-centred and worthy of a long overdue apology. That no amount of rehashing her trauma, her tragedies, her horrible upbringing would overshadow how wrong she had been. I was awaiting the opportunity to see if she was still as fucked up a human as I remember. Or was I just becoming another one to add to the list, the long list. The ever increasing list of her ‘friends’ to burn the bridge connecting them to her, connecting them to the human ‘swift seizer’. Beautiful girl had long been on that list. Would I be joining her?

Her ‘velociraptor like’ nature was becoming increasingly more evident. She never ‘hunted’ in a pack, she was more of a loner. However, just like the creatures in the film, she would test, and test, and test, and hope to find a weakness in others. Hope to find something that she could feed off of. Her favourite weakness of all to feed from was the trauma or personal tragedy of others. A tragedy or trauma that she could ‘mine’ for more information, more sustenance. Pretend that she cared, while all along analysing the information to see what she could use, how she could guilt them, manipulate them and make her feel like a ’clever girl’ whenever she succeeded.

To finally admit that you were the ‘prey’ and that she had been successful in manipulating you,and feeding from you. She had succeeded in identifying your weaknesses, identified your gullibility and your need to feel liked. That same manipulation that had been identified and exposed to you by other friends, but the manipulation that you had long been in denial of. That manipulation that works to find a weakness, any weakness that can become fodder for the old ‘friend’. Something she would feed off of, identifying ways in which to satisfy her needs. Admitting that the manipulation existed, would therefore mean that you would have to admit that you were weak. Weak, just like MIranda had called you throughout your childhood. You cry because Mum hits you? You’re weak. You are indecently assaulted by a work colleague? You’re weak. Weak. Weak, Weak. Fuck you.

Remembering the early days of being forced to make yourself familiar with that old ‘friend’ who you have known of your whole life, but never truly known. Never invited to their childhood birthday parties, never invited over for slumber parties and movie nights. Never. Not much of a friend back then, and one hell of a ‘swift seizer’ now. She was too obsessed with the beautiful girl anyway. Beautiful girl got away and old ‘friend’ was still left back home, under the watchful eye of her fuck up of a mother. The only ‘mother’ who had the same narcissistic characteristics as your own mother. Maybe that is why she is such a fuck up? Maybe that is why you were easy prey? Anyway, she needed an escape. You helped facilitate that escape. The confusion you felt when she contacted you years after high school wanting to catch up. Why? We were never really friends? Never had similar interests? She would be rude, blunt in high school, but how dare you call her out on that. That’s being a bully. That’s being mean.

However, you were a mess when she contacted you anyway. Stuck in a shit of a job, life going nowhere, a handful of friends, desperately needing change. You needed someone, anyone. She came along. You were happy that you had someone to do fun things with like go to concerts, music festivals and other adventures that you rarely got to experience. Someone that introduced you to a whole new group of people. People that would eventually become some of your favourite people. I am thankful for that.

You know that the old ‘friend, the ‘clever girl’ still has a hold. She has so much information, knows my weaknesses and will forever look for another way in. Some way to test, and test, and test.

Should I be more like the Tyrannosaurus Rex? Stand strong. Stand tall and farewell her...?

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ad69blog · 5 years

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wonderingangelsuniverse · 6 years

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February 2nd 2018

I don’t even know where to start with all the many things that have been going on as of late. I can’t decide if I should start with two weeks ago or just begin with today. Well there has been an abundance of anger going on within me. I think today is a good example of this. We were all sitting on the couch. I was drinking my coffee remembering back in the day when we used to all meet up really late at night and go to the diner together. The boys would add so much sugar to their coffee. Hope and ApprenticeBoi were reading and Moe was stirring up the whole living room with his intense boredom. That’s when out of fucking no where at 2:30pm Hope just had a seizer mid conversation. He looked around the room and then bam. Kept his page for a while even. I just went and got his dad because I was so pissed off I couldn’t decide fast enough to push him over or let him remain on the couch. Hope and I’ve become significantly closer sense I’ve returned back to Hawaii. I guess his condition keeps getting worse and worse. I swear I can’t remember a time when this has happened so randomly. He bit his tong making blood spewed all over the couch. Gabe heard me tell ApprenticeBoi that he was having a seizer because the small ignorant boy started laughing. Apparently our student teacher relationship is very close as well as I didn’t fucking flip for his immature behavior. The only comment I ended up making was something along the lines of, “ How about you sit and read your book instead of making terrible comments.” He seemed to listen to me as I was being quite urgent. I wasn’t mad at him though. I then spaced out and asked Gabe what he was getting ready for right after he took a shower. I can’t say I’ve been being super bright these days either. I have a theory that I’m just not listening to me as well unless I verbally state what I’m saying. Update: I just talked to Hope’s dad and he mentioned that Hope had just gotten up. That makes this whole situation a lot less concerning to me. I guess the neurologist had explained that he tends to have a his episodes in the time where his brain is beginning to boot up after awakening. I didn’t realize how long it takes for a brain to start running but I also didn’t realize that they could know so much about his problem and yet still not completely fix it.

Who’s Gabe? Yeah, that goes back two weeks ago when I started this whole gig cleaning air planes. A week before MelloMad and I started Gabe had gotten fired due to the closer of the Santa Maria unit of the airplane company. Sandy, the head director of the airline for Hawaii is stationed in Kona and for the most part to my understanding he runs at least Honolulu as well. He called Gabe only a day after he was fired to offer him a place with the intimate group of mechanics here on the Big Island which was apparently about a month before he came here, That’s when he stayed in the pilot’s grew house for about a month. I guess around six months ago Gabe’s goil Lee Ann died a slow death due to the cancers. I know this experience very well. I feel like Gabe and I are meant to be friends.

Jerry, the lead mechanic of the later in the weak mechanics groups, Wednesday to Saturday, was the blessed man to get us the job cleaning. He lives only up the road from us. He would have been able to help us out in these hard two weeks that nearly drove me to stabbing my best friend haha. I said, “would” for a damn good reason though. The day of the missile or that Saturday, he was riding his motorcycle through an intersection and like most nearly fatal biking accidents was drove into by a car trying to make a left turn. It really is a shame for both Jerry and the now traumatized driver of the car. I guess from what I heard, Jerry got up and walked over to the guy to give him what he deserved in violent words, which tells you the kind of guy Jerry is, before he sat down declaring that he thinks he needs an ambulance. One of the other mechanics on the other shifts neighbor found him and called the emergency services. We saw him last weekend and oh my was he bruised and shattered. His hole left side was completely wrecked. He shattered on of his knee caps and had a giant circular chunk taken out of his leg. His other knee is broken and both spots right above his ankles are fucked. He’s going to be out of work for four months. He told us he’s headed to his mom’s in Cali. I don’t blame him. I would want my mom as well.

With Jerry out of the picture, MelloMad and I would have to rely on the fact that BoldFuck and Mom-o-pan go to Kona each day if we are to return home. Sounds good yes? Our shift is from 8:30pm to 4:30 am. That means BoldFuck and Mom-o-pan cannot be that inconvenienced sense they have children. Fine, whatever, I get two weeks of helping us out while we wait to get paid does seem a little over whelming.... We did get the job in the first place so BoldFuck could quote on quote stay home with his kids. More about this later. I’m so happy to be writing after all this time omg. Alright any how, all these sentences lead up to the fact that Kona Airport is sitting in a dry hot lava rock climate around five miles from the city. No money combined with MelloMad’s inability to walk long distances for some form of foot related problem leaves us stranded at the airport all week. MelloMad and I managed to find a nice culvert buried deep under the highway to take refuge in. The two of us kind of swore off BoldFuck and Mom-o-pan after that because honestly this was insane. I’d end up paying four hundred of the four hundred and thirty seven dollars I made on my first weeks work to them for the month of January after I spent two weeks of that month sleeping in a fucking storm drain.You crazy fucking assholes.

This is where Gabe. our Hispanic 47 year old friend from the gangster areas of both Nevada and LA, would come in. He had the pilot’s car, I can’t remember the model lol. It was a really small two door car that wasn’t even a hatchback. We banned together with him since he was sleeping in this car as he both already blew all of his money on women and alcohol and the fact that Kona living is nearly impossible. Between the three of us our best bet would be to find a car over a house so we could in fact live. Hilariously I found a great deal on this apartment that I’m half tempted to keep trying for, for the four of us. I have a small wish of chilling in the condos shared backyard pool in a pink floaty, like the man from when we were on Hilo side chilling with my wondrous Angel of Melody. Haven’t texted her in a hot minute haha.

Angel of Melody is actually a great segway to why I think Gabe and I are meant to be friends. When he did return the car he joined us for about a week and half in the storm drain. BoldFuck and Mom-o-Pan would come pick us up for the weekend but man does rivet-y metal cylinders *fuck me* sucks to sleep in. I’m gay and I think that amazing and magical fact has to come with some form of repercussion in itself for I live in a time where abnormality, although worshiped, often is actually frowned upon. “It’s good to be unique!” Lies I tell you, unless its going to make you an abundance of cash to swede people other wise. One person that we all know very well as Wondering Angels’s number one anti lesbianism antagonist is MelloMad. He could probably easily defend himself by stating that he doesn’t mind lesbians at all as he watches porn of it.. Maybe? I actually question that lol. Plus lesbian porn is fucking stupid. I tried to tell him but he told me it’s because I want the love and not the lust. It’s probably where I’m watching it. Honestly though, how many time’s do lesbians have to clearly state to people that scissoring isn’t the fucking bee’s knees of lesbian sex? I haven’t even had sex with another women yet and I can agree. I’d give you some sources to this from my hours of researching when I was having a crisis but…. I don’t have internet right now alongside the point that I just don’t want to. It’s hard for me to say something so opinionated on other peoples behalf sense I can imagine MelloMad seeing this as an opportunity to disprove my point. I could even imagine a different color text being typed across here like: This is MelloMad and your wrong because I never hear anyone say that. Yes, I understand your word is way cooler then mine, awesome. Even just yesterday when MelloMad was having a good day and I was asleep in the backseat, I heard him tell Gabe I needed to prove to him I’m gay. Gabe even told me MelloMad thinks I switched… SWITCHED. Look, what the fuck?! I actually did bother explaining to Gabe why this was and it brought up my mother which was good. Actually it all lines up really well. I’m just getting to good at my job. Gabe isn’t homophobic in the slightest and that’s so refreshing. Someone whom of which MelloMad has no influence over would like to hang out with me and isn’t homophobic haha, perfect right? So I can give Gabe support on Lee Ann and he can give me support on my very CLEAR gayness.

Can we stop here to speak about how I’m not fucking curious? Yes, we can because this is my letter to you and not the other way around. Here is a brief essay on why.

I am not curious because, I was born very gay, I have no sexual feeling towards men, and sex isn’t everything. When I was only hardly a handful of years old my brother Chris had a girlfriend named Christal. Christal was this super fucking hot blond chick that I would pretend was my girlfriend. When I was in the third grade I joined the boys and girls club because my friend Liza went there after school as well and she was really hot! I found out she was signed up for the other side of the club. I was quite lonely there but I continued to attend because this sixth grader named Sam, whom was another hot blond, walked the same way to the bus as I would. If I was fast enough getting out of class, I was able to catch her. My sister-in-law and my mom both knew I was gay. Mom’s always know! Secondly I am not curious because I have no sexual feeling towards men. That ALONE should be a good enough fucking reason you ignorant fuck. Finally FUCKTHIS.

Well teach, I didn’t probably not get a very good grade on dat essay but anyways, I don’t know much more about what’s going to happen between Gabe and I accept that he’s going to help me get some spine talking to women. He’s also taught me a bit about airplane mechanics and some Spanish. El avion esto muy limpio. El avion esto sucio. Airplanes are men in Spanish. I am Spanish as I am from Spain and therefore some Spanish won’t kill me sense its so widely spoken. I quite enjoy learning. Trying to get the sentence; my favorite game is life is strange, down now. It’s like: Mi favorito Jewenkn something something esto esto extrago or something. Yep lol one time reading it off Google translate and I got this haha! Ironically I can read Spanish quite well so if I wanted I could just translate everything but meh why not memorize it?

Let’s go back to the spine and women thing. I was at Gabe’s favorite bar having a single IPA when I staring at the bar tenders ass as she was wearing this cute pair of black short shorts. I think it should be illegal to be that hot because why am I such a sucker for blonds with hips? Her name’s Shy. Gabe informed me last night that she’s trying to get a plane ticket to Maui for her birthday but she has a boyfriend to go with her. Gabe and I were talking before he found this other blond to be bothered with cause he knew what I didn’t and I mentioned to him again that I’m gay. I was trying to be obnoxious about it in hopes Shy would maybe start speaking of it but I think she sadly didn’t hear me. I guess repeating I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian, isn’t going to help me get laid any faster but that’s why I need Gabe to help me out. Now, I didn’t think or think she heard me because she was in the other room. Now the sad part before I go on is that she’s the bar tender so she’s supposed to be nice for her own benefit. This is America after all. She could of easily of done this because I’m friends with Gabe or it could have been completely coincidental. Destiny does tend to spoil me. I did state I had no fucking money though and Gabe did buy me the beer. He’s a really good guy. Let me tell you, I was watching chopped all star addition. I’ve really fell out of chopped over the years but it gives me such a nostalgic feeling from back when that was our jam. Did my mom like chopped? I feel like we would watch it together when we were babysitting at my brothers. Remind me to mention this when I tell you something cool about lately. Next paragraph maybe. Alright back to Shy. She kind of was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t keep myself together at all. I was so damn nervous I wouldn’t stop touching myself all over my head like I was trying to calm myself. I had my hands tangled in my hair I was super insecure, I was just all wrong. Really I just wanted to watch Chopped, sadly. The extremely hot girl was making things so difficult. HER VOICE SOUNDED LIKE the Angel or Dreams or Dream Angel’s HELP. I can’t, alright, alright, okay okay. Gabe was gone and only one other person was at the bar. Now I was sitting by the TV where I could read the sub-tittles which happened to be by the register and most of the tap, oops. She had a moment and stopped to read the TV. I looked right at her like a not so sly moron. She turns to me and is like, “Oh she has a wife, that cool to see a lesbian on the show. They should have a strictly gay version of chopped.” She looks me dead in eyes and I just say, “Yeah then there wouldn’t be any room for discrimination.” That’s when the conversation was over. “I’d watch the shit out of that.” or “I’ve always wanted to be on chopped.” FUCKING ANYTHING REALTED TO ME WOULD OF HELPED. FOR FUCK SAKES I’m SUCH A NARASISTIC FUCK HALF THE TIME, ALWAYS SPEAKING OF ME AND HERE I AM COMING UP WITH A COMPLETELY NON ME RELATED THING TO SAY. I guess it’s better then being like, “Fuck me.” Rip…. I was so mad I just ignored her existence even harder and left the bar after drinking the rest of Gabe’s beer. I just angry ranted in the bathroom for a good hour after that. I was chilling in the car when MelloMad and Gabe thought they would pull a prank on me by trying to insist we needed to turn our badges in. I didn’t believe it because MelloMad wasn’t pissing angry. We just went to get Gabe’s new badge scanned for documentation and MelloMad and I’s member ID’s were in too. Now we can fly free on all of our flights.

Well when we were at the bar and Gabe walked off with that blond, MelloMad messaged me cause I guess he was with Gabe about how the car might get toed sense we left it at our new bank. We opened an account before hand. When I got there I saw the notice from security under the whipper. A parking violation warning. I snagged it up in so MelloMad didn’t have a direct reason to bitch around or at me. Well I guess he didn’t even see it at all. The blond Gabe was walking with was older and she was all over MelloMad whom was working on some music. He was getting more and more pissed at her annoying him. It was hilarious. We dropped her off at her house in which she was selling due to her Ex Husbands assholishness. I suggested she rent it out xD ;). Hope lost but later after their little fired prank they failed to pull off. I got Gabe good as I walked off, put the note back where it was but now in the airport parking lot and then went to rant in the bathroom as if I was busy. When I returned they both thought they drove with it on the windshield. YEAH totally. Gabe sounded worried for a second and I decided sense there prank was so shit, I’d quickly spoil my good one. I confessed to putting it there, luckily I didn’t get reamed but I also didn’t get a single laugh either which pissed me off anymore.

All in all I’ve been hella angry lately. Considering how fucking anxious, depressed over his grandfathers sudden death, and emotional MelloMad has been due to just a random on slot of sudden change.. It sucks cause that’s all Gabe knows MelloMad for. Yet Gabe is/has been slightly over emotional too. I don’t blame either of them so I just sit SILENTLY. Somehow I’ve remained mostly silent. I think it might have thrown MelloMad through a bit of a loop. I’m never quiet but I to know I’ve had quite a bit of anxiety therefore to remain strong I’ve just kept quiet during any even potential arguments or problems that could a rise verbally. I must say even with my efforts there has been twice now where I’ve snapped at MelloMad. One time over me trying to help MelloMad find a solution he can effectively use regarding a bank account which we already went over, we both opened one. I was trying to get him to open maybe a pay-pal. You can use a debit card, master card or vista, bought for roughly a dollar or so or even order a pay-pal debit card. No banks involved in that option. MelloMad insisted that at max three dollars was to much but can’t get over them holding his check for over twenty four hours. Obviously both quite irrational rebuttal and to his surprise the nice man who set us up with an account made sure our money didn’t get held. So fuck me for trying to help. The other argument was at work and was literally over how much sugar per flood ounce was in both the tea and monster energy drink and which had more sugar. Yeah I to got tired of this argument just reading that sentence. This is what happened, seriously this is ridiculous as is. I was board and I calculated his tea as the two servings which would come out to 54 grams of sugar in his entire 24 ounce bottle. I didn’t calculate as two servings and did the math of 19 grams of sugar for the 16 ounces. Obviously mine already has less sugar? Well that’s about 1.2 grams of sugar per ounce on the Monster and 2.3 grams of sugar per ounce of tea meaning the tea had double the sugar per ounce. I didn’t even explain all my reasoning to Erwin when he concluded that I was terrible wrong. I listened even though he never gave me a breath to fully explain especially after he pointed out there was in fact two servings in my Monster. He also insisted over and over that there was three times more sugar in my Monster. Well like I said I’m not afraid to be wrong. I love it. usually if said person doesn’t make me feel like shit over it. My love for learning usually out weighs all. So the Monster had 38 grams of sugar to its 16 ounces meaning there also 2.3ish maybe 2.4 grams of sugar per ounce. For some reason when I did the math last time and fixed it and then did it on my calculator the tea had exactly 2.2 percent more sugar per ounce but that doesn’t make any sense meow unless somehow the second time I calculated it during the argument I managed to calculate the percentage. I mean 27 twice is 54 and dividing that by 24 goes into 2 and 6/24 which is in fact 2.4. Which I mean if you just multiply my first answer my 2 its still going to come out the same amount of sugar per fluid once. No matter what it isn’t three times... I was quite angry he even accused me of interrupting so I suckered him into interrupting me lol. I am considering the idea that he might be literally going insane. I also think MelloMad has a hard time accepting that I am actually very smart. Considerably and debatably, smarter then him. He was frustrated that I finished signing up for the websites we use at work with so much faster then he. He was almost instantly mad at the computer as soon as he laid eyes on it though so I don’t know what he expected. I don’t see why in anyway it matters if I’m in anyway shape or form more ineffectual. I wasn’t born smart I worked hard to be smart. He could easily do this as well and I know for a fact there are things I know not much about that MelloMad knows plenty of. We are equal even if so. I wonder if he just sees me normally as less adiquite so when I do prove him wrong its more frustrating. I on the other hand hold MelloMad to an equal standard. If he does fail in any way I trust him to figure it out or at least I’ll help him. I’m talking so much shit about him because of how frustrated I’ve been with him lately. I really hate how much pent up anger I have even if I know exactly why its happening. I have to go off to work in thirty minutes so I’ll have to continue this whole part another time.

My Mom loved chopped. Remember that sentence? Well My sister-in-law friended me recently on facebook. I’d imagine I’ve mentioned it. I saw a heartwarming post of before she friended me about how she was having a coffee totie 2 remember her Mother-in-Law I nearly broke down crying. I don’t believe in evil. I can’t see the evil. I even had Guy admit to me that hell as of now, according to the Bible, doesn’t and won’t exist until judgment day. I think its ironic and amazing that I was finally able to get him to confess. By the way, I’m not Christian. MelloMad in the mist of our difucklty was contacted by his father’s sisters. His aunts he didn’t know of. This inspired me with my new found friendship on facebook to ask my sister-in-law of my own half sister. I didn’t know her name until now but I’ve known of her for a long time. I’ll have to tell you all about her later but I told her all about me and as soon as she’s completed her cool nursing exam she will respond to her long lost sisters brief life summary. She didn’t even know I existed until I messaged her haha. Well anyways I have to go to work. Stay awesome Pain!

PS can’t forget about last nights anxiety dream about the room change. That song I showed to jenny. The dream was much wow. Very refreshing and Hope there too

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