#seriously!!! even in what a 6 minute short they have packed in so much detail

[princekirijo]

Dude the fucking prowler colors used whenever Miles got upset!! Holy shit!

I KNOW I KNOW!!! I will probably have to watch it like several times because there was probably loads of details I missed but damn the spiderverse team never misses

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre.      The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn.      A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

[kirindensetsu]

The Making of Fubuki

((Reposting from Den of Angels workshop thread because I wanted my friends to be able to see~))

After years of pining after dolls I couldn't afford as a broke teenager, my first BJD was a Bobobie Sprite I purchased for my 18th birthday. Unfortunately, she didn't live up to my expectations and I never really bonded with her. Her face was cute enough, but the Bobobie body lacked the grace and posing ability I imagined for the Unseelie faerie I'd been daydreaming of for years. Sueding and wiring didn't help, blushing and tattooing highlighted her blockiness, it was a mess. I packed her away and tried not to think about my disappointment for 12 years. In the meantime I learned to build and paint resin garage kits, inherited one of my sister's dolls, bought some others, took anatomy & physiology in college, and did a couple extensive restorations and full-body modifications. I was sure I had thrown her away at some point as a failed project, but last weekend I found her tucked away in a doll bag I thought was empty. Having just finished substantial mods on a Dollshe body, and awaiting an unfinished Unoa kit for my birthday in September, I decided that I owed it to her to try again. Doll nudity below the cut, looooong post--

My Sprite was originally going to be a pooka with golden eyes and extensive woad tattoos. The golden eyes are incredible, so those are staying, but she's now going to be a blue oni to fit in with the rest of my collection. My plan is to do extensive additive epoxy work, and then to use Krylon Fusion to give everything a unified finish. The goal of the project is to reduce the... idk, STRAIGHTNESS of the old Bobobie body. I was never going to be happy with it, the lines were all far too rigid.

Head: Modified mouth for a wider, smirking smile. Magnets added to headcap (old Bobobie used an S-hook iirc; I did this part back in 2008). Forehead drilled for 3mm brass rod armature, and epoxy used to sculpt horns over rod. Bust: Substantial subtractive modifications to breasts, which involved removal and readdition of nipples. Addition of epoxy clay to back and shoulders to give a more curved body line in profile. Deepening of shoulder sockets with 18mm eye bevel, followed by sanding to make shoulders narrower. Waist: Reshaping of upper torso joint into sphere for smoother range of motion. Subtraction of resin in back and addition of epoxy in front to enhance lumbar curve. Hips: Substantial reshaping of lower waist seam to more naturally follow the pelvic girdle. It reminded me of granny panties before  Added epoxy to butt, again for lumbar curve. Thighs: Suwariko joint mod (cut the thigh and added a PVC insert to enable swivelling at the hip). Added epoxy to make her thighs look less straight. Calves: Removed 1cm of length at the ankles and rebevelled the socket. Removed resin at the ankles to bring them in, and added epoxy at the calves to make them curvier. Feet: Sculpted little claws, which were cute, and then decided the feet needed to be 5mm longer. Cut across, drilled and pinned with brass rod for structural strength, gap filled with epoxy clay. I also modded her feet to have defined arches and balls back when I first got her. Alas, spitting into the ocean. I added S-hooks, but did so by drilling the ankle and inserting brass rod to form the axle for the hook. Arms: The proportions on her upper arms BOTHERED me! they were so SHORT! and I only just figured out that's what I hated about them last week! I added 5mm to the upper arms by cutting them in the middle and using SteelStik to make a structural repair (plumber's epoxy putty has a shorter open time but far greater structural strength than artist's epoxy clay). Sanded the heck out of the wrists to give them a more delicate taper. Hands: Beyond salvage. The hands were my least-favorite part of this sculpt. I tried to bulk them up to look less spidery but it was just too difficult... I've ordered a different pair of MSD hands which will have claws added, and then when everything is painted it'll all match. Thanks for reading this far! Here's a preview of what her golden eyes look like next to Krylon Fusion in Antique Blue.

((first progress post)) I think I'm mostly done adding epoxy clay (at least where it'll show; presumably the wrist sockets will require tweaks to fit the new hands), so now it's time for finish sanding. I start with 60 grit for shaping, then switch to a 120 grit sanding sponge. To check for scratches, pinholes, and inadequately feathered edges, I apply a wash of diluted acrylic paint. Once the paint has dried, I scrub the piece with a nylon scouring pad. Paint remains in the surface irregularities.

All sanded with 220 grit. I don't think I'll be going higher than 400 because I want there to be some tooth for the paint.

Any pitting in the epoxy clay that can't be sanded out is marked with a Sharpie and will be patched with Tamiya spot putty.

I did a test spray of the Krylon Fusion on the headcap and it's fantastic! Holy cow is it *poisonous* tho, I'm used to working with volatile chemicals but this was something else. Get OUT OF THE AREA between coats and leave it outside until it stops outgassing, not just until it's ready to handle.

This test piece is four light coats sprayed 1 minute apart, allowed to cure for 4 hours, and then wetsanded to remove the spray texture. It's pretty sturdy but I will wait several more days to see how it continues to cure before experimenting with matte sealants. ((progress update 2))

Haven't done much but sand-and-fill-and-sand-and-fill, but my 14mm beveller came in today so I can start deepening her elbow and ankle sockets. Added some epoxy clay to the insides of the eyewells so 14mm eyes will fit with no gap. I need a needle file to clean up the corners of her mouth... Monster feets! Nails on the right came out better than the left, still need to feather-sand everything.

Elbows progress. The early Bobobie elbows are I guess /technically/ double-jointed because the joint is a sphere with two slots, but I thought I could do better than that. You can see epoxy clay spliced in to make the sphere into a peanut: this isn't a structurally sound repair unless you pop it apart and drill/pin/glue-epoxy it back together.

View from the back. By keeping the joint heads spherical with no elbow-shaped detailing, there's some rotation as well as flexion, which I like.

Touching her face with one of her old hands. I hope the new ones come soon!

((progress update 4))

In good news, these parts are all ready for paint! It's really hard to do prepwork with no filler primer, hope I didn't miss any spots...

In less good news, her new hands arrived and they are... very smol ;u; I forgot that the new trend for slim minis means that everyone has TINY LITTLE HANDS.

They are, however, beautifully sculpted and a good 3D reference for what needs fixing and how. Bobobie palm is very short relative to fingers: I made a transverse cut behind the knuckles and added epoxy to lengthen More curved volume across the back of the hand: Not necessarily realistic, but looks a little cuter, plus it makes the transition into the cylinder of the wrist look less stylistically jarring. More defined joint angles: Some of these I did via cut-and-thermoform repositioning, mostly I'm aiming to fake it by building up and carving away at the weird smooth curves. The fingers are just TOO SKINNY: But obviously I'm not going to squish rice-grain-sized blobs of epoxy to the fingers, right? It's too fiddly, it doesn't want to stick. What's the solution? Brace for a truly hideous WIP image--

"AAAAAAGH WHAT IS THAT DARK GRAY MESS" it's JB Weld epoxy! It's like load-bearing, slow-curing modeller's putty! Slathering putty onto an armature and then carving it away to refine the shape is how anime figure artists make hands and detailed hair.  I was thinking about it from a polymer clay technique/perspective so I missed the obvious solution. Hand in the foreground has more layers than the hand in the background, every layer gets the shape a lil closer. ((progress post 5)) Parts set up on sticks so I can handle them without touching...

... and after 4 light coats!

Closeup of the head, lil' glossy because it's still drying. For the deeper areas like the joint slots, mouth, and the crannies of the ears, I'm going to have to decant some of the paint into a jar and apply it with a sacrificial brush.

((progress post 6)) I return from Depression! I finally finished sanding-and-spraying the Krylon Fusion coats, gave her a last polish with microfine to even out the texture, and have started blushing her. I'm using a mixture of Tamiya X-series acrylics applied via airbrush for basic contouring, then I'll go back in with pastel to add warm tones and details.

Fun discovery: in an attempt to cover some accidental overspray, I tried spraying the Fusion directly into the paint cup of the airbrush and using it to "erase" back to the base color. I'm NEVER using this product straight from the can again, it goes on so smooth and gorgeous from the airbrush! No orange peel or bubbles to sand away. I'm seriously tempted to get a can of pink and try blushing with it.

((progress post 7)) Doing a faceup over a spray-painted substrate is HARD I want to CRY. I talked about sanding out the spray texture to get an untextured surface, right? Welp, didn't/couldn't sand well enough in the corners of the mouth and the folds of the eyelids, so it's crusty-looking with pastels over it and now there's nothing I can do about it that doesn't involve stripping down to resin and starting again.

((final post)) Sueded and strung!

I didn't take pictures of the sueding process because I was using Barge Cement and it is messy and time-sensitive. I used masking tape to make templates of her joints, transferred to some thin gray lamb suede I found on eBay, and glued it fuzzy side out. The suede was thicker than real pliver, more like the thickness of silicone KIPS discs, but I think it worked out without too many fit issues. The trim store had 3.5mm elastic in a beautiful slate-blue color that I thought would look nicer in the joint slots, so she's strung throughout with thicker elastic. Some more poses to show off the functional mods~ Suwariko joints let her sit crosslegged, and more mobile wrists let her put her hands into the pose.

A more ball-and-socked shaped contact surface at her waist lets her slouch at a full range of angles instead of being locked into two.

With longer upper arms, she can reach the ground in this pose! You can also see how the modded waist joint lets her cock her hips.

She could always stand with locked knees. I think she needs some wire in her legs to let the suwariko joints hold their rotation against gravity, but I'll see how the elastic tension settles in first.

A parting shot out the snowy window. We've been having a hard time picking between a few names for her, but I think this settles it. Welcome back, Fubuki~

[project-paranoia]

Live Watch: S.C.I. Mystery Episode One

I enjoy camp because I've always enjoyed analysis and examination.  I enjoy looking at something from all sides, testing it with my fingertips. When I was a child I would sit for hours just looking at something until I had it all held in my mind and I felt like I understood it.  Camp necessitates that understanding the way that imitation and - good - parody requires it.  To quote Susan Sontag - who articulated what camp is so well - Camp is "a sensibility that revels in artifice, stylisation, theatricalisation, irony, playfulness, and exaggeration rather than content."  Because of this camp takes on head to head gender, sexuality, expectations, any sort of defined norm and sequins it up then shakes it down until understanding comes out.  When understanding something there are three major ways to work your investigation - what it is, what it's imitation is - the close but not quite, and what it isn't.  Camp handles all three, to quote again: "Camp sees everything in quotation marks. It's not a lamp, but a 'lamp; not a woman, but a 'woman.'"

Why are we talking about camp?  Because SCI Mystery is some of the best kind of camp outside of drag or screaming about wire hangers.  It deals a lot with mental illness in a way that would destroy a serious show, but in this one "mental illness" is a metaphor for being marginalised and a way to talk about the mouse and cat in the room.  This show is about being queer.  About being gay loudly and quietly, about resisting specific labels and needing them, about the threat of a cure and the blessing of acceptance.  All the messy realities of queer life as varied as queer people. Like Lil Nas X's Montero, you can appreciate the effort without being comfortable with it. While the show's allegory of mental illness when many queer people are still told they are ill is done well and there is reason to the choices and tone, things are said which can be hard to hear.  Knowing they're there because they're hard to hear and have been heard doesn't help everyone.

With all that said, it's also a fun, silly bl drama.  Don't let the analysis scare you off.  While the information about camp can be something to be aware of, all this show requires to be enjoyed is a willingness to be amused and spooked in turns.

You know the drill, spoilers below!

* I have memorised the youku sound, I have a triggered response with it. Not all triggers are bad, this one reminds me of Guardian

* Welcome to episode one where we just leap in!  But don't worry, one of them has a cute earring and they are colour coordinated.

* Watching from youtube the episode is 38 minutes long while most of the others are 45.  Attach whatever emotion you want to that fact.

* The exposition is handily delivered by asking a question which tells us some things, thank you show, I appreciate it

* First episode and he's already giving his partner an in case I don't come back letter to be opened if he dies

*  Wait for me!~  Go!~~

* Slow walk with dramatic music: 1 (don't make this a drinking game You Will Expire) this time with bonus almost looking back

* I've seen a similar shot on Hawaii Five O

* Don't explain what's happening, just knock everything over with a jump kick in some absolutely spotless white tennies

* Running with dramatic music with bonus looking back: Does it count?  We have yet to hear back from the judges

* They leap into the water with an explosion behind them, we are less than 2 minutes in and I love that for them

* At first I thought the boats were making a big heart before I remembered that I am very silly and they are not doing that

* This one is going to be long

* I can see his pockets through his trousers, why are his trousers so thin?

* It's not kissing to dramatic music in the surf if it's CPR

* Each story line has its own intro and that's very sexy of them

* Slow walk/dramatic music: 2-6

* These people are totally goofy and and yet the Seriousness

* Two Weeks Ago!

* The police school bus has arrived to shoo away the crows circling around Dr. Zhan staring (dramatically) at the body

* Sport scar policeman dresses even more unprofessionally than Zhao Yunlan who at least looks like a detective who was jumped by so many criminals he just gave up wearing a suit and went for jeans. Chief Bai's clothes are so thin, I'm under constant anxiety someone is going to tear them off.

* Also several of the cast pictures on MyDramaList look like the pictures your auntie insists taking to send to your other aunties and I love that for them

* Triple axil spin from the victim, the judges are loving it - this is the camp I'm here for

* The dramatic slo mo and music budget for this show was so big, just as it should be

* He's mad because he's angy

*  Master Psychiatrist can tell all about the killer from crouching by the body, it's a trope and this is one of the few places I like it because it serves the show instead of the show serving it

* When you're almost boyfriend is going away for reasons and it's not your decision but you can't go with him because of your job so you're just low key bitter about it

*  "You can't control me"

* The pettiness between these two

* Professional women who worked hard to get where they are still are constantly obsessed with boys according to most cdramas

*The male posturing in those three second has accidentally circled back around to being gay in the way those bro shows accidentally do and I love that

* I live for this 80s-90s police chief perm

* The Pettiness

* I always tend to like doctor characters, I don't know why.  Even when they aren't my favourites I like them.

* She's kind of adorable, I like her (I've seen a lot of this show and every time I say I like someone it ends badly ;-; )

* "the victems"

* If you love Creative English, this is the show for you!

* Chief Bai's crew is trying so hard to get them back together

* Dr. Zhan is so good at psychology he can tell what someone looks like from some tire tracks - this trope is used all the time in crime shows, but they push it a little farther in SCI and it really helps the viewer know what the rules for the show are

* The scene in the psychiatrist's office hearkens back to queer coded villains and the way they're treated in old black and white horror cinema - but done so artfully it's almost invisible.  It's incredibly well done, and the awareness of tropes and types all throughout the series is tremendously successful as much as it's campy fun.

* There's also the trope of someone who manipulates someone into feeling like they've been "purified" and then weaponises them against the "filthy". And of course the fact that the killer's blade is a mirror - that he's killing in others what he sees in himself. This trope hasn't just been queer-coded but has been applied to any sort of physical or mental disorder. Thesis have been written about this trope and the anxiety attached to it. I can't write them better and this is long enough, it's just a small part of the excellent handling of the themes showing up in this genre and I wanted to point it out because it deserves appreciation for the skill and knowledge in the writing.  

* The whole you need evidence vs you're saying psychoanalysis isn't trustworthy feels very much like a coded angry exes discussion

* I love the establishing shots, so good

* He kind of deserved that door to the face, what was he even doing

* Police violence in crime shows is supposed to be a release for the viewer, but many countries have issues with police violence so it hits wrong.  Here it's far more performative in a way that at least has some awareness

* The weirdest phone call, you call someone to tell them something important and they say two things to you and hang up

* The tongue thing, why always the tongue thing?

* When a serial killer tries to compliment you by calling you a carnivore and you shut down the whole alpha male supposition by calling yourself a vegetarian

* At this point I've written almost fifteen hundred words and taken almost two hours to watch 23 minutes

* This is my life, these are my choices

* Dutch Angles

* You could make this conversation about being gay, I have had this conversation about homosexuality before

* Unfortunately while I had it I was on the bus trapped in a window seat

* The conversation didn't end with me saying something cool and everyone clapping

* They just got off the bus to go to work

* The banality of evil, yo

* Her shorts are Incredibly Short, good for her

* "arrest the perp behind my back" that's his job, broheim

* He doesn't ask why she checked behind their ears

* DUN dun dun!

* Slo mo file drop, and of course the file is blood stained and aged

* Chalk Art of Doom

* Chinese word play!

* Caught almost putting his coat over his crush, embarrassing XD

* Backstory!

*  I love all the little character details, I could quote lines I think are funny all day but that would start getting silly

* Bai Yu Tong is marked as clean and having OCD but we don't see what's apparently a huge character trait at all other than the all white, do love that he's good at cooking

* Dr. Zhan: Brilliant!  Genius!  Cannot feed himself.

* Dr. Gong has indifference level 100% which is true and also I love that for him

* I love that Wang Shao part of the team because he's good at making friends, I love that for him

* Poor Zhao Fu: scared of ghosts and dumb and sweet?  At least he has an 8 pack

* Jiang Lin is very tropey except the mention of her nearsightedness

* Ma Han's height 1.7m and legs 1.8m is hilarious and I love it

* I stopped recording the slo mo walks, but if you were drinking along with them you might be dead so I really appreciate you taking time out of your afterlife to continue reading.  We appreciate all our ghost readers

* And that's the first episode!  Thanks for making it to the end!

[spencers-renaissance]

Hear it in the Silence

Summary: A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)

Tags: major fluff, angst, past abuse, hurt/comfort, fights, making up, falling in love, dev relationship 

Pairing: Morgan x Reid

Word Count: 3.7k

Read on AO3 (detailed cw in notes)

They’re careful to arrive separately but unsurprisingly, subtlety is not Derek’s strong suit. Spencer has a good poker face -- although logically he knows that a cheerful, passive expressive is the best actual poker face due to its non-threatening nature -- but Derek absolutely cannot get rid of the smug, pleased smile he’s wearing proudly. It’s a good thing Spencer looks as unsuspicious as possible because as soon as he enters the room, Emily’s teasing him about the hot date he clearly had last night. 

Derek might look smug but Spencer feels it: a soft swirl of satisfaction settling in his tummy, though he’s careful not to show it. He’s proud of himself for how smoothly the date went last night, much more comfortable than the first three, and he’s even happier that he can now call himself Derek Morgan’s boyfriend. He’d stayed the night for the first time last night and it couldn’t have been more special in Spencer’s eyes. 

He may not be grinning like Derek is, but he’s filled with a happy sort of warmth completely unmatched by any feeling that’s ever occupied his body before. It festers and grows and develops even throughout the gruesome briefing, even when discussing the profile of an enucleator, even when looking at crime scene photos. Pretty colours still ripple through his brain, comforting him with the promise of more, the promise of purpose beyond his day job.

The colours only intensify when they walk to the jet together with Emily and JJ, chatting about their weekends in vague as possible terms. They’re nearly at the door when Derek looks at him like he did last night: like he can’t quite believe what, who, he’s seeing, like Spencer’s everything he’ll ever need to be happy. If anyone caught it, they’d be found out immediately, but they don’t.

It’s a look meant just for him. 

He wants to bask in this moment for just a little longer, but they force themselves to pull their eyes away from one another and board the jet. At this point, he has no choice but to acknowledge that he will be working this case with his insides a messy, melted puddle of sentiment. And he’s not even mad about it.

⭐️

The insides of his eyelids don’t solely exist to serve their intended biological function anymore: they’re no longer just protection for his eyes but a cinema screen playing moments shared with Derek over and over again. Their first date, their first kiss, the first time Derek held him closely as he pushed slowly inside him. The looks he sends his way, the feeling of Derek’s hand in his, his broad chest and how it’s the perfect pillow for Spencer’s tired head. 

Time moves too fast so Spencer has no choice but to play it back, over and over again. 

“I’ve never been more jealous of your eidetic memory,” Derek chuckles when Spencer tells him this a little shyly on their next date. 

At first he’s terrified his boyfriend is mocking him, not appreciating just how deadly serious he’s being, but the earnest, adoring look Derek is wearing across his features tells him otherwise. His expressive face is one of the things Spencer loves so much about him; social situations and cues are hard for him to read, but one look at Derek’s face and he knows exactly what’s happening, exactly how to respond and behave. 

“It’s one of the few perks,” Spencer concedes, slipping his mittened hand into Derek’s. It’s late November and the evenings are cold, even in DC, but walking down the quiet street lit up by Christmas lights together after a delicious meal warms Spencer from the inside out. 

They pause a little way down the street when Derek points up at a Christmas light decoration in the shape of a mistletoe. “It would be bad luck if we didn’t,” he says seriously despite the playfulness in his eyes.

“Can’t have that,” Spencer hums, and he plays with the wide buttons on Derek’s double-breasted coat as he leans in and connects their lips in a soft kiss, feeling Derek’s hands come to his waist in the way he likes far too much, feeling small in his boyfriend’s hold. 

“An extra one for good luck,” Derek whispers as he leans in for one more after they pull away, brushing a lock of Spencer’s hair out of his eyes. “That’s how it works, you know.”

“It is?” Spencer laughs, eyes crinkling fondly at the look on his face. 

“Mhm,” Derek confirms, moving his hand to Spencer’s lower back as they continue their walk back to Spencer’s apartment. “I’m a Christmas tradition expert. I know more than you, probably.”

“Sure,” Spencer grins diplomatically, leaning in closer to the warm body next to him, contentedness flooding his insides.

Derek only stays for an hour before driving back to dump his stuff and repack his go-bag for the upcoming week, but it’s sort of a good thing. A lot has happened in a very short span of time and Spencer appreciates having a bit of uninterrupted alone time to really think about what’s been going on. 

They’ve had five dates by now: Derek had given him a little present to commemorate the moment, immediately making Spencer feel guilty for doing nothing of the sort, guilt which had quickly been assuaged by a gentle touch to the back of his hand. At first, he hadn’t known what to say. It was an understated necklace, a silver chain with a small triangle pendant on the end of it. He wasn’t a big jewelry person really, but on their first date, Spencer had talked at length about why triangles were his favourite shape (not his proudest moment) but Derek was so thoughtful. He could wear it all the time while easily concealing it at the same time, and it was just the most perfect gift he’d ever received.

He rolls it over in his fingers as he curls up in bed. He was falling in love with Derek, and he had absolutely no proof he was falling in love back; no proof, but he’d seen… something. Even just the present felt like statement enough. Maybe this was going to be it for him. Maybe Derek was going to finally give him the very thing he’d been craving all these years. 

It’s a comforting enough thought to dampen the doubts and fears niggling at him, and it sends him to sleep with the kind of peace in his heart he’d written off as impossible a long time ago. 

⭐️

Go-bags are packed, the case is wrapped up, and the team are saying their goodbyes to local law enforcement when Hotch gets the phone call. 

He’s wearing a mildly irritated frown when he heads back over a few minutes later. “There’s been a problem with the jet,” he informs them, grimacing at their annoyed reactions, “so you can either drive home yourself or wait. Garcia’s re-booking the hotel for the night and I’m informed that the plane should be ready to go by the morning.”

Spencer shoots a look at Derek who immediately understands and nods in return. Columbus, Ohio is a 6/7 hour drive back to DC, and the alone time after being so close but so far for almost a week sounds like heaven. It’s only 4pm: they won’t even get home that late.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Spencer muses once they’re on the road, curled up in the driver’s seat with his trusty blanket tucked around him as he admires his sexy boyfriend at the wheel. 

“What do you mean, baby?” he asks, looking over briefly. 

“Well just last week we were talking about taking a road trip together and then Hotch not only gives us the opportunity but also provides the transport,” he says, thumbing the pendant around his neck. It’s become almost a self-soothing thing now: even if it’s usually hidden under his ties at work, just knowing it’s there settles something deep inside him. 

Derek chuckles at that. “I’m not sure I imagined Hotch being quite so involved in our romantic get-away, but yes, it is one hell of a coincidence,” he agrees. “Although mark my words, I will take you on a proper road-trip one day. And I want to take you on a nice holiday, too. Paris, London, Florence. Bali, Thailand, maybe.”

Blush spreading across his cheeks, Spencer smiles over at Derek. “Yeah?” 

“Oh yeah,” Derek grins over at him, “I’m gonna treat my pretty boy like it’s my job.”

“You already do.” He feels shy suddenly, a little overwhelmed at the emotions Derek is eliciting in him right now. 

“Baby,” he says, shaking his head, mischief dancing in his eyes, “you ain’t seen nothing yet.” 

Spencer’s already thinking of counting it as their eighth date, but Derek seals the deal when he pulls off the interstate and onto a much quieter road as they near DC. It’s just gone 10 and the December night is cool and clear, but he still looks quizzically at his boyfriend as the engine shuts off.

“Trust me,” Derek says and gets out of the car. Spencer, of course, trusts Derek implicitly so obediently gets out of the car and joins him at the front of the jeep, leaning against the hood. “Look how beautiful it is.” 

They’re on a country road, surrounded by wheat and barley fields, but Derek’s looking up. The night sky is littered with stars, constellations clear as day against the inky black backdrop of mid-December. “My favourite constellation is probably Cassiopeia, you know,” Spencer explains, barely observing the sky before looking to Derek to impart his knowledge. “She’s one of the only figures banished to the heavenly realm as punishment and not in honour, and it was because she flaunted her beauty too much, and her vanity--”

He’s interrupted by a hand on his forearm. “Spencer,” Derek says softly, catching his attention and slowing his info-dump. “Look up.”

Instead of thinking about all the intellectual and academic aspects of astronomy, astrology, and physics, he takes a good while to just absorb the beauty of the night, probably for the first time in his life. He lets himself rest in that moment, sinking into Derek’s side as they shiver a little in the frigid air, staring at the bright, twinkling lights smiling down at them. 

For some reason, it feels like the universe’s blessing. The stars aligning, the inky sky approving, frozen air applauding. Derek leans over and kisses Spencer, holding his face in both his hands as their insides warm against the cold and in that moment Spencer knows. He still has no proof Derek feels the same way, but with one touch he knows that he’s in love. 

⭐️

Spending Christmas apart is hard, but they make up for it with their eleventh date, Derek driving them over to the National Zoo and listening diligently to Spencer’s info-dumping. They spend the whole afternoon walking through all the exhibits and Derek buys him a pretty steady stream of candy-floss, hot-dogs and cuddly toys throughout their time there, keeping Spencer flushed and happy, completely in his element. 

Derek cooks them dinner at his apartment afterwards, making Spencer’s favourite, a simple spaghetti bolognese with a healthy amount of homemade garlic bread on the side, and they eat at the cosy kitchen table, cheesy candles aflame as they chat easily. 

They get ready for bed in tandem, brushing their teeth together, toothpaste spilling down their chins as they laugh wildly at each other in the mirror. It’s a comfortable sort of ease, a domesticity that feels far too natural for such a youthful relationship. It works though, and neither of them are complaining as they fall asleep folded into each other’s arms. 

Spencer wakes up first but Derek isn’t far behind him, kissing his scrunched up nose almost as soon as he opens his eyes to find Spencer lazily curled up on his chest. “Breakfast?” he asks.

“Please.” 

The toast Derek puts in ends up burning when they get distracted by one another, but Derek just laughs and puts it in the bin and drives them to McDonald’s instead. “I hope you know I’m keeping this shirt,” Spencer teases as they pull on loose sweatpants and trainers and hop into Derek’s car. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less, baby,” Derek says sincerely. “My entire wardrobe is open for your perusal. Seeing you in my clothes does things to me.”

“I know,” Spencer says, face full of faux innocence. “Why do you think I want to keep them?” 

“You are such a fucking tease,” Derek smirks, shaking his head disapprovingly, “but you know I love it.”

“Mm, I do,” Spencer agrees, reaching across the console and resting a hand on Derek’s thigh. 

“Oh, God, baby, you just wait until we get home.” 

Spencer pulls his hand away, satisfied smile playing across his lips. 

“Brat,” Derek mutters under his breath as they pull into the drive-thru. Spencer just smiles wider. 

Spencer lets his guard down with Derek in a way he’s never done with anybody else and you’d have to be stupid not to notice, so of course Derek is fully aware of the responsibility on his shoulders. Later that morning, after a greasy breakfast, satisfying fuck, and a shared shower, they sprawl across the sofa, nestled into one another comfortably as the TV plays some hallmark movie in the background. 

“My last boyfriend didn’t turn out so nice,” Spencer says when Derek brings up the topic of exes. It brings a heavier note to their light-hearted conversation, but he knows they’ll have to talk about it eventually and it might as well be now. “He got into it because he thought I was innocent and attractive, but when it came to actually spending time together and he found more out about me, he changed his mind.”

“Baby,” Derek murmurs into his hair, “dId he hurt you?” His voice is full of apprehension, afraid of the answer but needing to know. 

“Only once,” Spencer whispers. “I left him after that. But he was kind of emotionally cruel before that and it compounded on a lot of issues I already had from when I was little, you know, with my dad and bullies and everything. It took a long time to rebuild myself, I just…”

He trails off, not knowing how to put what he wants to say into words. 

“Sweetheart, I need you to know that I will never hurt you, not like that,” Derek says earnestly as he catches onto what Spencer’s afraid of deep down, caressing his arm softly. “I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes or accidentally say something wrong, but I will never hurt you like others have done in the past. You’re safe with me, pretty boy. And I am so proud of you for building yourself back up after trauma like that: you are absolutely the strongest person I know, and I don’t say that lightly, yeah?” 

And, yeah. That feels like proof for Spencer.

⭐️

They keep it a secret for as long as possible, but Emily finds out in late March and Rossi follows shortly after. Even once it’s out to everyone, though, they don’t change their work dynamic, they don’t give into any kind of temptation in the field, despite not having to hide anymore. They know the only way they’ll be allowed to stay on the same team is if it doesn’t affect their actions and choices one bit. So even though Derek’s protectiveness is ratcheted up several notches, he swallows it down and doesn’t comment on dangerous situations Spencer goes into. He’s sure Spencer would find that pretty hypocritical anyway; he’s constantly chastising his own recklessness in the field.

Just because Derek bites his tongue at work, though, doesn’t mean he can’t comment on it at home. So after a particularly irresponsible decision Spencer makes in a hostage situation, seriously endangering himself, he holds it in until they step into Derek’s apartment and Spencer looks at him, confused at why he’s clearly stewing in something and not talking about it. 

“What’s going on?” he asks as he toes his shoes off and makes himself at home in the same way he’s done for months now. 

“What’s going on?” Derek repeats incredulously, raising his voice ever so slightly. “You were so fucking rash and reckless today Spencer, you could have died! And you ask me what’s going on? Are you fucking kidding me?” Really it’s fear manifesting itself as anger but right now the rage bubbling up inside him feels almost suffocating. 

“I knew what I was doing,” Spencer says defensively, looking completely bewildered at the sudden outburst. 

“You know that what you were doing was seriously endangering yourself, Spencer,” Derek argues, voice rising even more. “Yes, you saved a hostage today. But you also could have gotten yourself killed, and you have to understand that your life is not worth less than anybody else’s, okay?”

“Derek, I signed up for this life, she didn’t--”

“No,” Derek shouts. “No, don’t give me that. It would fucking crush me to lose you, Spencer, and it seems like you don’t even care about that. Do my feelings even matter to you?”

“What? Of course, they do, Derek,” Spencer says, still looking caught off guard and confused as he tries to figure out the situation and why his boyfriend is so angry. He tries to temper the unpleasant feelings filling his chest cavity, like muscle memory, fingers remembering a piece of sheet music played far too many times. 

“Well then fucking prove it,” Derek yells. “You aren’t listening to me! You endangered yourself and that’s terrifying for me. Your life matters Spencer, and sometimes I feel like it matters more to me than it does to you!”

“Derek, please calm down,” he pleads, wanting to talk about this properly and not feel so ambushed. “You’re scaring me.” 

That immediately catches Derek’s attention and the anger seems to leak out of him like a stopper’s been pulled out, draining him dry for only a moment before fear and guilt fill its place. “Fuck,” he mutters, sitting on the sofa and burying his head in his hands for a second before sitting up and making eye contact with Spencer. “I’m sorry, Spencer, I shouldn’t have yelled. I just… you scared me. You went against protocol today. You know that the FBI does not mandate agents putting themselves at serious risk of death or injury, even if it would save a life. Your life matters so much, to me, to the team, to your mum. People care so much about you, baby, and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, okay? You put the fear of God in me earlier and sometimes… sometimes anger is the only way I know how to deal with those emotions.” 

“I know,” Spencer whispers, and though it’s unsaid they both understand he’s acknowledging every part of Derek’s speech. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t think about how my actions would affect you. I guess I’ve gone so long as a solo act, only having to think about myself and with very little to live for, it’s just taking time to adjust to remembering that I have you and your emotions to consider now. I need you to know, though, that I can’t deal with it when you shout at me like that, if you have a problem I need you to discuss it with me because I can’t figure out what’s going on when there are lots of emotions and raised voices, it confuses and upsets me.”

“I will, Spencer, I promise. I’m so genuinely sorry I handled it so poorly this time.” 

“Thank you,” he whispers gratefully. 

“Come here,” Derek says, the beginnings of a smile playing over his lips. He pulls Spencer into a gentle embrace, relishing the feel of Spencer, alive, pressed against his body. His warm skin, beating heart, soft curls, all shared with him, entrusted to him. 

“Next time I’ll stop and think about you, Derek,” Spencer says softly as he rests his head against his shoulder. “I’ll remember to prioritise us, remember that we can’t save everyone.” 

“Thank you, baby,” Derek says. “And I’ll be more patient; remember that you haven’t had anyone to remind you properly of the worth you have in a long time. We’re good, though, aren’t we?”

“So good,” Spencer confirms, pulling back and smiling properly before kissing Derek softly. He moves down to nose at his neck slightly, pressing a few tender kisses there, too. “Shall we head to bed? You look exhausted.” 

“That sounds like a plan,” Derek agrees before a cheeky smile plays across his features. “As long as you wear one of my shirts again…”

“Oh, what a hardship,” Spencer groans, winking at him in the lop-sided, awkward way he always does. “But I suppose I’ll do anything for you.” 

Spencer stays up for a little while after Derek falls asleep, reading over some casenotes, a few consults, and figuring out a new angle for a research paper he’s working on. Quiet, methodical work -- no matter how gruesome -- helps him wind-down after the high adrenaline of a case and it feels extra necessary tonight after the argument he’d had with Derek. 

He feels his boyfriend stir only a few hours after he’s dropped off to sleep, staring up at Spencer in the soft glow of the pink lamp on the bedside table bought for exactly these sorts of nights. A strange look plays across his face as he reaches for Spencer’s hand and holds it. 

“You’re my best friend, Spencer,” he says, completely serious. “You know that, don’t you?”

Spencer’s done obsessing over proof. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, looking down at their intertwined hands before back at his face, “I love you, too, Derek.” His smile softens even more when he sees Derek’s face relax into a relieved expression, knowing that his meaning was understood. 

“Good,” he whispers, kissing the back of Spencer’s hand before lying his head back down on the pillow. “Night, pretty boy. I love you.”

As Derek drifts back off to sleep, he hears those words echoing around in the silence, a soothing, methodic rhythm of reassurance that what he’s wished for since the very first look on the way to the jet has materialised. 

Knowing it is one thing, but hearing it is another. Derek loves him. He hears it in the silence, feels it on the way home, and when he curls up next to his boyfriend, he can even see it with the lights off. 

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 22 | 23 | 24 | 25

TW: Stalking behaviors. 

As she walked from the train station to her apartment, Lucy didn’t know if it was just her nerves getting the best of her or a real danger right around the corner. Those creepy feelings that send tingling sensations along your spine or the hairs on the back of your neck standing to attention was a constant reminder that she was the lead actress in a horror movie. Every time Lucy was alone in public, her senses went on alert like prey being stalked by a predator, and she had every right to be cautious with Touka still loose on the streets.

Touka’s arrest after the movie theater incident did nothing to deter the woman from making the couple’s lives miserable. In fact, it only escalated her determination to win Natsu and get Lucy out of her way. For three month’s she’s stalked them through social media. They would block her, and she’d simply open a new account. They made their pages private, but she’d find ways to send messages. Lucy was starting to wonder if the woman was hacking into their pages.

‘You can’t get away from me Natsu...’

‘I won’t let you have him you bitch!’

‘The authorities can’t stop me...’

‘I love you more than she ever will! Please Natsu! How could you be so cruel?!’

‘Watch your back you whore!’

‘I’ll do anything you want Natsu! I worship you! Please! I’ll be the perfect woman just for you!’

Lucy bore the brunt of the harassment, being called every derogatory name under the sun, while Natsu’s were a mix of anger and pleadings to be her boyfriend. Touka was coming unhinged and desperate people could lead to desperate decisions. A woman who started off seemingly so sweet and nice had turned into a demon. Frankly, it baffled Lucy how anyone could present two opposing faces so easily, but obsession was a strong motivator. Counselors at school told them that for stalkers it’s all about control and once them feel they’ve lost it, that’s when they start to lash out. ‘Well, duh,’ Lucy rolled her eyes at that one. Tell them something they hadn’t figured out on their own.

Sometimes they thought they caught glimpses of Touka while out around town, watching them from around street corners or shop windows, blend into cafes or around shelves in stores. It was hard to confirm because when they did a double-take, the woman would disappear. The woman was also legally trespassed by Natsu’s workplace, Lucy’s school dorm, the movie theater, and the bar Cana works at. Plus, the theater attack got them restraining orders against Touka, which meant she couldn’t come within 100 yards of the couple. So far, her harassment consisted of internet messages and she’d abided by the distance order, but really, what would a piece of paper do if Touka chose to finally ignore it?

“You okay?” Natsu questions his girlfriend, “you went silent.”

“Oh, sorry, y-yeah I’m okay, just drifting into thoughts again.”

They were lucky to have a great support system. All of their friends pitched in to take turns, making sure Lucy was rarely ever alone in public. Someone would walk her to and from school. If she needed to go out, one of them would volunteer whenever Natsu couldn’t. She stayed in areas that had a lot of people, so she’d be less likely to be approached. But when no one was available, he would stay on the phone with her like now. Lucy appreciated it all, because at least she had a voice to comfort her.

“Oh, alright. How much longer till you get to the dorms?”

“Maybe 15 minutes.”

But the messages that sent the worst chills through Lucy, were the ones detailing what she was doing or where she was at when the messages were sent. It was confirmation that Touka was truly stalking every move they made, and the couple couldn’t go out in public without the fear of being confronted again. The authorities weren’t any help either and unfortunately her messages through social media were not considered a violation under current anti-stalker laws. Harassment was also difficult to prove because the woman never used her real name which left open the possibility it was some other person harassing them.

According to Levy’s boyfriend Gajeel, the police’s hands were tied unless Touka slipped up and made a direct threat to harm them. But so far, the woman had been cunning enough to stay anonymous. This was exactly why current laws did nothing to curb people from engaging in such behaviors. The counselor warned them that the only way to stop a stalker is intensive psychological treatment. But to get to that point required voluntary treatment or a court order, hence the couple’s frustrations with the system.

“Whatcha, thinking about?” Natsu breaks the silence again.

“Just the stuff Gajeel was explaining,” she sighs back. “It’s all so stupid, like they don’t even care.” Aside from Levy’s boyfriend, Lucy got the distinct impression that the cops didn’t take stalking very seriously.

“I’m so sorry this is happening Lucy. We both graduate in just six more months, maybe we could move to the other side of Japan?” She could hear it in Natsu’s voice how useless he felt under these circumstances.

“Or another country,” she mumbled back. At this point she wanted to get as far away as possible. They’d done everything they could think of, notifying their schools and the security at their homes of the potential threat. But as long as Touka was free to run the streets, short of packing up and moving far away which was out of the question because of school, there wasn’t anything else they could do except stay vigilant.

“If that’s what would make you happy Lucy, I’ll find a way to make it happen. I got a cousin that lives in the US, maybe he can get us jobs.”

Lucy thinks for a moment, “I don’t think you’ve mentioned this cousin before, what’s he doing there?”

“Sting went for college then ended up staying after graduation cause he met a guy. I think they’ve been together now for 5 years, so it must be working out,” Natsu chuckles.

His comment pulls a giggle from Lucy, “I wouldn’t mind trying out the US. We could think of it as an adventure before settling down.”

“Settling... down? As in, getting married?”

“W-What?! N-No, I mean, maybe, I mean it’s possible...” She hears the laughter on the other end and that stops her rambling.

“Hey, I was just clarifying,” Natsu’s chuckles soften. “I agree, whatever happens, it would definitely be a fun adventure.”

Her cheeks flushed by the new images floating through her mind and a silly smile now screwed onto her face. Lucy was certain that between them, they could do well, find jobs, and lead a comfortable life wherever they chose to go. Maybe a change of scenery would do them well. Certainly, her stress level would thank her for it.

“Do you really think… that would work? That we could pull it off because...” Lucy’s voice cuts off abruptly mid-sentence, followed by the sounds of a scuffle, like the phone being jiggled around.

“Lucy?!” He called out with no reply. “Lucy?! Answer me!”

A sudden scream from Lucy’s end, runs his blood cold, and he hears a familiar voice just before the line cuts off permanently. It was muffled, but clearly— “Touka?!”

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 5 reaction

This whole episode I kept doing that Marge Simpson groan. You know, the one that’s like tight-lipped and this low, exasperated mmm from deep in the throat? That was me constantly.

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Jens gives Robbe sex advice

Robbe texts his mom and says to her he can’t visit, lying that it’s because he’s sick. One repeated element that does exist in this season is Robbe listening to music on his headphones, which is him retreating into himself, or using music to cope. The song lyrics reflect that: “I used to feel so alone, now I’m feeling better on my own.”

Since I’ve been trying to think of ways to rewrite this season, they could expand Robbe using music as a coping strategy even further. Music should have been something that Robbe bonds with Sander over. And not just Sander’s recommendation of Bowie, either, which is all they’ve done so far - it seems like Robbe should give recs or insight as well. Talk about how important music is to him with Sander. Make it a serious point in their developing relationship.

Jens skates up and talks to Robbe. Robbe wants to get high, but Jens doesn’t have weed with him at the moment. He asks Robbe if he’s thought about the Brrrothers, because they’re not the same without Robbe. Robbe snaps and turns away from him, then lies and says his bad mood is about Noor. Jens has already heard that they’re fighting.

Jens’ talk to Robbe, knowing that Noor wants to have sex and Robbe doesn’t, is actually pretty sweet. Even though he doesn’t understand the real reason why Robbe doesn’t want to, his talk is thoughtful and not shaming Robbe for being a nervous virgin, it’s considerate of him. Considering the Brrrothers have been obnoxious about sex and girls all season, this was a refreshing change. One question I do have is how Jens knew that Noor wanted sex and Robbe didn’t, but I guess it was implied that this explanation was part of the rumor mill. 

Of course, the downside is that Jens’ advice prompts Robbe to text Noor about how he misses her and wants to meet up. Bad, Robbe! I don’t know if Jens’ talk encouraged Robbe to text her because Robbe was like “Yeah, I’m supposed to like Noor, better get back on that,” or because maybe he genuinely told himself, “I just don’t want to have sex with her because I’m nervous, yeah, that must be it,” and decided to just move forward with it. 

I do like drama that comes from characters trying to be helpful but unintentionally saying or doing the wrong thing - that’s what happens in the locker room scene with Isak and Even. When Isak says he’s better off without mentally ill people in his life, he’s telling Even this as a way of saying that his mother won’t cause problems for them, he doesn’t care what she’ll think of them dating. So taken on its own, I think this scene is fine.

HOWEVER. The pacing of this season is again, SO SO weird, because this scene would have fit right in around episodes 2-3? Right after Robbe tried and failed to have sex with Noor, you know ... the first time? Or the second, or the third? Like … have it be in line with Isak’s episode 3 sexuality crisis, all the “why does he have to be so gay” stuff. It would’ve worked well to have this talk at like, the beginning of episode 3, and then have Robbe making the “that guy is so gay” comment as an unintentional result of this - by trying to convince himself he is just straight and nervous and distancing himself from being gay. We had three entire scenes of Robbe failing to fuck Noor, so narratively, why did we need to wait this long for Jens to talk to him about it? 

Clip 2 - AGAIN?

Robbe invites Noor over to bone. He’s lit about a million candles and is trying to make this a big romantic deal, except lmao, he has on David Bowie’s Life on Mars … Robbe … what u doing…

Actually, I’m not sure if this is diegetic music or not, if Robbe is blasting Bowie from his phone as mood music or if he’s only hearing this song inside his head. I think we’re definitely meant to take away that Robbe is hearing the song since it gets distorted as he slinks down Noor’s body, and that it’s not just there for the audience. In either case, Sander is supposedly the shadow hanging over this sad hetero affair.

Tbh listening to Life on Mars is the best part of this season and I wish I could just like … listen to this song play against a black screen instead of watching poorly written, repetitive clips.

They start to get it on and he takes off her shirt, unhooks her bra, yadda yadda, he doesn’t look happy but he soldiers on and it’s implied they went All The Way. On the one hand, I will rage if they actually had sex. On the other hand, if they don’t, it’s yet another clip where the same shit happens, Robbe tries to bang Noor and fails.. 

Clip 3 - Robbe’s not turned on by Noor and this is BRAND NEW INFORMATION

… okay, so he didn’t have sex with her AGAIN? He couldn’t get it up?

For fuck’s sake. I mean, on the one hand I’m glad it was actually Robbe’s choice (apparently) to put a stop to the sex instead of like, someone else walking in and interrupting yet again, but on the other hand, I feel like we have done this scene SO MUCH. We KNOW. About the only thing that’s changed I guess is that Robbe kissed a boy and now he’s trying to be straight? If this was only like the second time this scene had happened, it would have been fine.

I just don’t have a coherent idea of Robbe’s arc. This season is going in circles. 

Anyway, Robbe couldn’t get it up, Noor is sympathetic, she asks if it’s her, Robbe says she’s amazing, he looks sad and haunted blah blah we’ve already seen this play out.

Why were these separate clips? In the first clip, we have Robbe seemingly determined to have sex with Noor, and then in the second, he can’t get it up. So why not SHOW THE MOMENT OF CHANGE? Are these filmmakers on drugs? This is storytelling 101. Like there’s no reason to split up these clips except to cause a bit of anxiety if you happen to be able to watch the clips at the exact time they’re posted, and from a real-time perspective I get it, but that’s ineffective for the vast majority of people who will have to watch later and then will watch these two clips together at the same time. I mean, the fact that it’s not even 10 minutes in between clips … just SHOW THE WHOLE SCENE. Holy fuck. How are they this incompetent?

The pacing of the scenes themselves is so weird. So many of the clips are oddly short, we don’t NEED them to be split into parts. It makes me really appreciate Julie’s pacing: Skam S3 episodes had 4-6 clips each, and in those clips, we got rich scenes packed with details, often multi-tasking within different story threads. wtFOCK’s pacing is simplistic and choppy and unnecessary.

Clip 4 - Milan gives Robbe a pep talk

Robbe is Googling erectile dysfunction which is honestly kind of funny (but again, probably would have been a better fit for earlier in this season, before Robbe had already kissed a dude ...) Milan comes in wanting advice on two shirts, Robbe is annoyed.

Milan tries to get Robbe to talk to him. It takes some prodding (and I do like how Robbe is swiveling in his chair and not looking at Milan) but Robbe admits there’s a guy who likes him and, after Milan asks, admits that it’s mutual. 

Tbh … I don’t find it so hard to believe that Robbe opened up to Milan even though they’re not anywhere as close as Eskild and Isak, because I do think another gay guy is a “safe” person to talk to about this situation and I can see Robbe doing it. What I do NOT get is why, here and now, Robbe is now openly admitting it. Why did we go from Robbe trying to fuck a girl and, before that, calling the boy he kissed a pervert and a homophobic slur, to admitting his attraction for a boy? Why the sudden turnaround? Based on the clips themselves, all we have to go off as a turning point is that he couldn’t fuck Noor, BUT this is nothing new for either Robbe and the audience, AND not being able to fuck a girl does not actually mean that Robbe would be able to fuck a guy, or that he’s into guys, and it especially doesn’t mean that Robbe would accept that he likes a guy.  I mean, he’s Googling “erectile dysfunction” not “am I gay?” which tbh seems still more like denial than anything. He’s blaming his lack of arousal on a medical issue, not his sexuality.

This scene would feel more true to me if Robbe was like, downplaying his side of it, or playing it off as only Sander had feelings and it wasn’t requited. That’s more in line with the characterization we have just been given, that Robbe is denying his attraction to Sander.

Another way would be to not split up the sex clip and to show like, Robbe flashing back to his kiss with Sander while he’s making out with Noor, so we get that it’s not just that he’s not into Noor, it’s that he’s very into Sander, and we see him grudgingly admit to himself that yes, he’s attracted to Sander (at the very least.) which would make it believable that he admits it to Milan. Cause and effect, etc.

MIlan is like, are you so nervous to tell me you have a crush on another guy (...????? um, yes, Milan, you have to know it’s hard to come out???) but is pretty supportive and says Robbe’s lucky to have him, Milan would have wanted himself when he was going through this. Robbe is just like, I don’t know what I feel and I want everything to be normal, there’s too much shit going on right now. Milan says Robbe IS normal and he doesn’t want to bottle up who he is, the pressure will get too real and he’ll explode, he’ll hurt people. Robbe seems to take this advice seriously, so hopefully this scene will actually lead to cause + effect.

Again, this scene is fine on its own? There’s just something about the pacing of the season as a whole that feels strange.

I don’t know if this is supposed to be the equivalent of the Pride clip, because Robbe doesn’t say anything offensive and Milan didn’t get upset. Milan’s advice is good about not pushing away who you really are, but there’s nothing specifically confronting internalized homophobia, which Robbe desperately needs seeing as he’s had some extremely homophobic outbursts. I think it’s a shame to lose that part of the scene, because it’s got a very pointed and urgent message. (EDIT from the future: We got the Pride clip later in the episode, so that’s good.)

Clip 5 - Robbe tells Jens he likes someone else

Robbe is sitting on the sidelines listening to music again. Jens comes over and asks how things are, Robbe says he took his advice with Noor and Jens is happy that he’s a matchmaker. Robbe is like no, there’s someone else. He says he thought it would go away, but it didn’t. 

For a moment it seems like this might be a sudden coming out scene, but Jens finally asks who it is and Robbe clams up and finds it hard to get out. Jens asks if she goes to their school. Robbe is saved by Moyo wanting to play a game against some guys.

This is some plausible conflict, at the very least, Robbe not being able to tell his friends that he’s into a guy. It would have been way better to focus on this instead of Robbe flinging a slur at Sander. Robbe’s friends seem like the clearest explanation for his internalized homophobia. 

Now Jens needs to follow up on this development, or else turn in his Jonas card. Because there’s dropping the subject if he senses Robbe doesn’t want to tell him yet, and then there’s forgetting about the subject because Jens isn’t that engaged with what’s happening with Robbe, and unfortunately the latter vibe has come across far more than the first. Like why does it seem like Jens is always walking away?

Clip 6 - Robbe breaks up with Noor

Old Town Road is playing as Noor meets Robbe in a cafe. One thing I do notice is that there are a fair amount of gay musicians on the soundtrack this season, so that’s cool.

Robbe is stressed because we can tell he’s gonna try to break up with Noor. He doesn’t order anything to eat. Noor is sympathetic about him not getting it up with her, but Robbe says he needs some time for himself, he has so much shit on his mind. Noor says she can help with that, he’s like nah, Noor is crying and reaching for him desperately. He gets up and walks out.

L O L I heard all about how Robbe supposedly handled this better than Isak, and I mean … on the one hand, I certainly agree that he did Noor a solid by officially breaking up with her and not just running away from her in the hallway. But er ... first of all, Robbe went wayyyyyyyyy farther with Noor than Isak EVER did with Emma. Robbe and Noor had an actual relationship for what, a month? Isak and Emma made out twice and flirted a bit. They were not exclusively, seriously dating. So yeah, Noor is owed this breakup. 

Second, Robbe still cheated on her with Sander before he broke up with her. The fact that they were naked while they made out in the pool frankly adds an on-screen sexual element to the cheating. And technically Isak making out with Even in the pool was not cheating … for sure it was a dick move to lead on Emma and then ditch her like that, I’m not going to say it was NBD, but like I said, they weren’t exclusively dating. I mean, in all my years of Skam fandom, it’s pretty rare that I’ve heard anyone refer to what Isak did as cheating - it’s usually talked about differently than Even cheating on Sonja. Robbe and Sander BOTH cheated on their girlfriends here. 

Third, it’s nice he did this with Noor but lmao, kinda small potatoes considering what Robbe said to Sander. 

Fourth, Robbe just gets up and leaves while she’s crying, lol. He let her order soup and then he ditched her! That’s cold as ice! Bro, you need to stick around until she tells you to leave, or you needed to pick a breakup location where both of you can leave ASAP without someone coming by with the meal you ordered.

And to be clear, I don’t think Robbe not handling this perfectly makes him a terrible person or anything. It’s more the comparison to Isak with how Isak is supposedly worse and Robbe is much nicer. Nah.

Sucks for Noor and all, but whyyyy are they making the Emma character so tragic and emphasizing this het relationship so much? We don’t even end the clip on Robbe’s POV. Because how he feels about this breakup doesn’t matter, I guess. Does he feel guilty? Free? Unsure? Conflicted? IDK because we close on her, not him! I’m sorry, but it’s not her season!

I mentioned this in an earlier reaction but I’m just super tired of gay storylines that have this intense focus on how much someone being gay hurts a straight person. I believe I mentioned Love, Victor as a prominent example, because Victor’s relationship with his girlfriend seemingly gets more screen time than the relationship with his actual male love interest. And I get why this storyline is relevant to a coming out arc, of course I do, but it really bugs me when the het relationship seems to overshadow the gay relationship, as it does here. At this point I feel like Robbe/Noor has been given equal plot relevance as Robbe/Sander, if not more, and that should not be the case. It’s not about shipping, it’s about wanting a story about a gay kid’s journey of self-acceptance to focus more on the life-changing love story that is the catalyst for embracing his sexuality, than the fake passion-less relationship that is doomed to failure that is just a momentary stumble in said journey of self-acceptance. There is no need to demonize Noor, but there is actually a middle ground between treating her with respect and empathy and making her the real victim of this story.

This narrative choice also does not exist in a vacuum. It is completely fair to be skeptical of the prioritization of a het relationship over a gay one. It’s fair to wonder why we’ve gotten multiple scenes of Robbe getting hot and heavy with a girl, why Robbe spends a pivotal clip being so sad about Noor that he doesn’t seem to really notice or care that he’s alone with the guy he supposedly likes. 

I mean, fuck, Robbe seems more upset about hurting Noor’s feelings by breaking up with her for legitimate reasons than he does about hurting Sander’s feelings by calling him a f*g and accusing him of sexual assault.

Clip 7 - Robbe tries to speak with Sander

Robbe goes to school (not his school, Sander’s) and asks where the art room is. He’s in a way better mood, a spring in his step, but LMAO you better pray that Sander actually wants to talk to you rather than kick your ass or avoid you for all eternity because of what you said to him.

Sander is sketching a nude male model. Robbe seems happy just to see him. He walks away and goes to the bathroom, fixes his hair, stares in the mirror, takes a deep breath. Then he goes up to Sander after the bell rings. Robbe wants to talk, Sander is not having it and walks away. Robbe is sad, angsty music plays. 

Uhhhhh, serves you right? No offense but I can’t even feel sad for Robbe in this scenario, because what he did crossed a line. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug, but there’s such a difference between Robbe just denying that the kiss meant anything or blaming it on being drunk or whatever, and essentially accusing Sander of sexual assault and calling him a slur. It’s not an ignorant mistake, it’s a malicious one. I feel bad that Robbe ever had such self-hatred that he made those comments in the first place and I certainly don’t hate him or think he should be forever alone, but it is 100% understandable why Sander would not want to speak to him after that.

Also, going up to Sander at his school was not the best move, because he’s basically ambushing him. Sander doesn’t have a choice whether to deal with Robbe in that moment. It would’ve been better if Robbe sent him some kind of apology text or voicemail first and left it up to Sander whether he wanted to meet. I get that’s not as good for televised dramaaaa, but it’s kinder to Sander. (And if Sander doesn’t respond, or if he’s blocked Robbe, well, those are just consequences of Robbe’s actions that he’ll have to live with.)  EDIT: Robbe actually did contact Sander first via text, wanting to meet up so he could explain. That does make it somewhat better, although I still think he shouldn’t have approached him at school. If Sander doesn’t want to talk to you? Then give him space. Maybe he’ll be willing to hear you out in time, or maybe he’ll decide he’s better off without you, but Robbe’s the one who did something wrong and it’s not up to Robbe whether Sander forgives him.

Clip 8 - Robbe and Sander make up and kiss

Angsty music keeps playing as Robbe walks home. He sees a mom and her kids playing, more sadness presumably due to his own family troubles.

Sander has followed him and says he has five minutes. Robbe’s like “Why don’t you want to talk?” LMAO IDK ROBBE, WHAT COULD IT BE. 

Robbe says he’s sorry and that he loves Sander. LMAO WHAT. Is this a nuance of translation where “I love you” isn’t as strong as it is in English? Are you kidding me? 

First of all … he LOVES Sander when they’ve barely interacted? They’ve spoken only a handful of times. Hell, they only met in episode 3, and this is episode 5. It’s been like two weeks since they’ve met, and while I could buy that some ships fell in love in that short of time, this is sure as fuck not one of them.

Second … Robbe goes from shoving Sander and calling him horrible things and trying to fuck Noor, to professing his love for Sander, WITHIN DAYS? And this is the character who’s supposed to have a big coming out arc? What is nuance, what is good writing, what is a coherent idea of this character’s struggles with his sexuality and himself... The talk with Milan might convince Robbe to accept his feelings, but it would make way more sense if Robbe was more tentative about them. He doesn’t need to come out swinging the big epic declarations in order to accept his romantic interest in Sander.

Like this isn’t even based on what I personally think is believable for a romance, this is based on what wtFOCK has told me about this character! They made the choice to make him say more viciously homophobic things. They made the choice to have him go back to Noor and try to have sex with her for the millionth time.

I’m glad that Sander doesn’t buy the confession at first, at least. 

Robbe says that he was really fucked up and hat Sander is the first dude. There is a cute moment where he’s like “that kiss (mimes fireworks)” but then things went Chernobyl. Would have been great if we saw exactly what made him go Chernobyl and make him regret the kiss. He says he’s sorry but asks for one more chance.

Sander steps in, leans in for a kiss. “What about Chernobyl?” “Fuck Chernobyl.” They kiss, it’s really sweet, but lol they’re kissing in public??? Robbe is ok with this?? I just have abso-fucking-lutely no idea where this kid’s head is. Like ... how is he so cool with this considering where he was just days ago? Apparently Robbe’s internalized homophobia was so extreme that he was all “get away from me f*g” toward Sander with no clear catalyst, but also not so extreme that it couldn’t be fixed with a pep talk from Milan? Okay!

This scene would have been totally fine if Robbe’s mistake was less cruel and amounted to blocking Sander or telling him to stay away or w/e. It doesn’t feel satisfying for what Robbe actually did say.

Also, sigh, because Sander did forgive Robbe just like that, and I don’t buy it. I mean, if anything, it makes me sad for Sander. I want to tell him that he deserves better. I suppose I can buy this as part of his fear that no one will ever love him, that he’s desperate to be accepted and loved and so is quick to forgive.

It would have made more sense for Robbe to have a longer period of self-reflection, have him come out to his friends, etc. and then reunite with Sander an episode or so later, similar to how Isak and Even reunited at the end of episode 7. Or to have Sander take some time before letting Robbe talk to him, during which Robbe works on his own issues.

Sander gets a call from Britt, which he ignores, saying Britt’s the past, he and Robbe are the future (as the song lyrics talk about the future and the past … they’re going pretty on the nose this season. Fine by me, OG was also on the nose.) Lmao but Robbe has no right to be upset about Britt after he explicitly told Sander to stay away. I mean, it’s dubious of Sander to keep dating her after cheating, but he also thought Robbe was no longer an option sooo don’t be surprised Sander is still with her, dude.

Sander goes to meet Britt, but not before some make outs, some handholding. I think their chemistry is good! It’s just that I don’t really buy the depth of this relationship. It legit makes me sad that these actors are getting served this half-assed material. 

Clip 9 - Zoë gets a letter

Robbe goes home and gets a text from Sander, with a sketch of them, saying their kiss was Chernobyl. Well, that’s cute.

Milan is telling Zoë about seeing some straight-looking dude on the bus who melted when Milan looked at him. Robbe is in a good mood and is gonna do the cooking. Milan observes that he’s happy and asks if things went well with his (Robbe looks toward Zoë) “lovely girlfriend”. At least Milan covered for him! (EDIT from the future: Ahahaha, funny considering how casually people out Robbe this season...) 

Robbe hands Zoë some mail that turns out to do with Viktor, the apparent Nikolai in this version, about the case going to court. She has to testify. She is upset and walks out of the kitchen.

I complained a bit about Zoë/Senne drama taking up time in Robbe’s season, but to be clear, I have no problem with them following up on this plot point from S2. It’s a hugely important story. But I also think it works best if you integrate it into Robbe’s story, by drawing a parallel to their situations, finding a common theme, etc. And it depends on whether Robbe’s story is otherwise satisfactory, because if the writing is pretty tight, I’m not really bothered by digressions in other characters’ subplots. 

Clip 10 - Robbe and Sander get cozy

Oh hey, it’s the big cuddling clip! Robbe and Sander goof off, pillow fight, smoke a joint, make out. Mostly make out. Sander shows Robbe a sketch of him (Robbe) and implies how good it would look on a wall (big). 

Robbe’s fave actor is Leonardo DiCaprio, because hasn’t Sander seen Romeo + Juliet? It’s fucking beautiful.

Man, on the one hand, sick Skam reference, and it’s just a simple, cute little nod to OG, not something complicated. I can dig that. But on the other hand, now I’m annoyed at how Isak got all of this beautiful development and watching R+J actually meant something for his character, and Robbe has absolutely nothing like that. Stuff like the fact it’s Robbe who likes R+J instead of Sander, WHICH IS FINE, but like … doesn’t say anything about Robbe’s view on masculinity or w/e, doesn’t do much for his characterization.

Sander takes pics of Robbe. Their chemistry is cute. Once again I despair at gifted actors being given subpar material leading up to this clip.

LMAO at them copying the dialogue from OG, Sander being all life is like a movie. Again, irrationally annoyed because this dialogue MEANT something to Even. Even was a huge film buff and an aspiring director. Sander hasn’t mentioned movies at all, he’s into art and David Bowie and photography. So why not have Sander quote some Bowie lyrics that explain his thoughts on life? Mention what art means to him? Personalize this dialogue so that it’s specific to Sander. Or, if you’re going to borrow this chunk of dialogue, at least establish Sander as a film enthusiast prior to this clip.

Also that Isak brought up the multiverse theory because he was smart and inquisitive, but I have no idea who the fuck Robbe is. Does this make sense with Robbe’s prior characterization? Shrug.

I do like the multiverse reference to Spider-Man because HELL YEAH Into the Spider-Verse!!! Fucking masterpiece! I could be watching that for the 20th time instead of the upcoming gay-bashing hate crime.

I do like Sander’s acting in this scene and his reaction, how the music (“Ocean Eyes”) stops when Sander starts talking about multiverse theory. His dialogue is a little different here than OG, about thinking about what he’s done and wondering why he thinks something, his thoughts never stop, which fits in with bipolar disorder.

Robbe notices he’s a little agitated, Sander says the only way to stop your thoughts is from dying. So I guess we’re putting in the suicidal thoughts in this version?

“Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Are they the same age in this version? Lmao. It’s a joke so it’s not a big deal.

Robbe starts kissing him and asks when Sander fell for him. Sander is like, before you! When Robbe was spraying the graffiti he knew Robbe was the one. Robbe is like … you were there??

I mean. this is cute and all, but doesn’t it kinda take away from later events, if Sander goes back to Britt, then like … knowing Sander has been Pining All Along should create way less doubt in Robbe’s mind? When Even went back to Sonja, there was room for actual doubt in Isak’s mind (and the audience’s) about the sincerity of Even’s feelings. I think people forgot that the “I saw you the first day of school” moment at the end of the season was a surprise. I was in the fandom and I don’t think a lot of people thought Even had fallen for Isak that early. So Robbe now knows that Sander fell for him well before they even talked, doesn’t that remove some of the tension about Sander’s motives? I suppose it depends on how the story goes from here, but if it’s similar to OG, then I think it slightly lessens the ambiguity and tension.

Also, another reason why it would have been good to actually see the graffiti scene play out in episode 1… and to see what Robbe tagged on the wall … come on. COME ONNNN. Let’s see what got Sander’s attention! Did Robbe create something funny or clever or insightful? Wouldn’t that have been a great detail to show their connection? This is basic storytelling, hello? 

I guess if I’m being fair, we don’t know exactly what Even saw in Isak that first day of school, either. But then again, we didn’t see the first day of school in a clip, while we definitely saw the graffiti scene. Just a missed opportunity, IMO.

They kiss and Sander gets a text from Britt. According to Sander, he told Britt about him and Robbe, but she doesn’t believe him, which is what I assumed of Sonja too, btw. At least, that’s what I thought at Emma’s party where she initiated the kiss with Even. Sander says Britt is so controlling. Robbe seems uncertain.

Sander says there’s probably another universe where Sander is still with Britt, but he’s glad to be in this universe. I do like this part.

Clip 11 - Milan schools Robbe on Pride

Robbe’s alarm goes off in the morning. He smiles a bit, though, presumably because he’s got Sander in his life. He gets a good morning text from Sander, which is cute and makes him smile more. Goes into the bathroom and Milan is there. Sander texts Robbe that he’s been thinking about him in all universes, Robbe is happy.

Milan is like, when can I meet your boyfriend??? Robbe says soon. Awww, this interaction is pretty sweet. Milan is like, welcome to the club! You know, “our” club meaning dudes who like dudes.

Robbe is like, just because I’m with Sander doesn’t mean I belong to some club, I’m not like you. Milan is like … and how am I? Robbe gives the usual Isak-ish response of dressing up and talking about BJs, Milan gets upset. Robbe says there’s nothing wrong with being gay but when people think of being gay, they think of that and it’s not fair to those who aren’t like that. Robbe’s not going to put on leather pants and dance at pride just because he likes Sander!

Milan gets very upset and goes into the Pride speech. I always appreciate this scene and I’m grateful that it’s one thing the remakes don’t really fuck with, since it’s so important (I think the remakes all recognize that it’s amazing, heh). 

Senne wanting to use the bathroom is kind of a jarring thing, they should’ve just let the moment sink in.

Robbe takes a Good Hard Look at himself in the mirror which is on the nose but like, better than nothing. I think there was a mirror earlier in the season? I confess that I’m so hung up on the basic writing fumbles that I might be missing stuff that’s actually supposed to be symbolic.

Anyway, all things considered, I think they did fine with this clip. Robbe coming out to Milan earlier in the episode did help pave the way for this talk since they didn’t have the close relationship as Isak and Eskild. Like, any issues I might have with it are related to the bigger issues in the season, but on its own, I felt like it was decent, and the “welcome to the club” comment is something I can believe Milan would say and something that would make Robbe reply with a boneheaded comment.

Clip 12 - This fucking scene

Robbe and Sander flirt in a bar and get touchy-feely with each other. For some baffling choice, we start with some rap/hip-hop song and then it cuts to “Two Men In Love” by The Irrepressibles … like … you could just start the clip with that song instead of this weird non-transition?

They kiss and then move outside the bar and then kiss and cuddle some more (again … I ask, where did Robbe’s boldness with gay PDA come from ...) Robbe jumps on Sander for a piggyback ride. They kiss passionately in the street.

Ahahahahahahahahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAA FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Some homophobes spot them and call them slurs. Robbe and Sander try to grab their bikes and quickly leave. The bigots manage to grab them and beat the shit out of them. It’s really brutal, like we get POV shots from the ground as the guys kick them. The guys call them f****ts once more before leaving Robbe and Sander crumpled on the ground in the fetal position. The wheels on the bike go round and round.

I mean … where do you even start.

OK, I’ll start here: worst decision made in a Skam S3 remake yet.

“Yeah, Skam season 3 was a masterpiece and all, but you know what I could have used more of? Violent gay-bashing,” said no one ever.

I don’t get triggered by media, not really, but boy am I glad I was spoiled for this. Because I do get fucking angry at media. And I’m angry now, but if I was watching this unspoiled? Man, I would’ve popped a couple of blood vessels. And I feel so, so sorry for people who watched this unprepared and were triggered. Because yeah, it is a remake and not 100% like the original, you can’t predict everything that will happen. But this isn’t something that you expect in S3, because you expect the writers to know enough to leave this shit out. This isn’t made with kind intentions for the audience, it’s made for shock value.

Consider that the WHOLE POINT of this very, very short clip is the hate crime, btw. It’s like two minutes long! They dropped a clip just for a cute kissing montage and then to interrupt it with a brutal beating! Something about that makes it even more repugnant than if it were like … a long involved scene about something else, and this happened. IDK, something about it feels even more tasteless, like this beating is their cinematic setpiece.

The first-person POV of the beating = not necessary. Like of ALL the fucking times in your season to actually give a shit about the importance of POV, lmao. This isn’t a video game. I’m not shooting zombies or getting jumped by bandits.

Remember when Skam faded to black on Noora’s blackout? And cut away from Even walking naked out of the hotel? Yeah, there are plot and POV reasons for those, but they were also ways to respect the audience and not include pointlessly triggering, exploitative material. 

There’s just so much to say about this bad choice that I’m at a loss. Why did we need to go here? In particular, why did we need to go here knowing how the rest of the season plays out? Because for me, that’s what clinches this as a terrible decision. This isn’t a shitty scene with a satisfying follow-up. The resolution - or non-resolution, as it turns out - of this plot development is what exposes wtFOCK’s true character.

There is an AMAZING Evak vid set to Two Men In Love and I recommend you watch it to get the bad taste out of your mouth from this scene.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Sigh.

This is just textbook bad writing for coming out stories, not to mention packed full of tired cliches.

Closeted gay guy is violently homophobic (Robbe calls his love interest homophobic slurs and accuses him of being a pervert) - I’m sorry but I am so tired of the “dating your bully” trope and this is what it fell into for me. Why should Sander take back Robbe after that? After Sander told Robbe he was afraid no one would ever love him? 

Gay-bashing For The Drama, to make sure you know homophobia is bad, really bad.

Overemphasis on the heterosexual love interest (“love interest”) and how it’s hurtful to her, like I get that it’s a delicate topic with not demonizing her, but I always feel like there is SO much interest on straight characters in these stories! It’s not about them!

The hate crime has to go. Really. What is even the POINT of it in this particular story? As if there wasn’t enough angst in S3? Especially if you consider: they wasted a few episodes on repetitive nonsense. Their pacing is fucked up. And now you have to insert this monumentally offensive storyline and its fallout into a season already full of problems? Next.

Okay, I will offer ONE way to incorporate the hate crime, and that is simple: Make the rest of the season about the fallout. Similar to Noora’s season with her assault, dive deep into the trauma, spend a few episodes with Robbe and Sander recovering, telling their friends about it, going to the police about it. Cut back on other drama from S3. Don’t fuck around with Sander going back to Britt, unless you tie it in directly to him being afraid to date a guy after the hate crime. Don’t fuck around with Noor outing Robbe considering he has enough shit on his plate. If you want to bring her back, make her support him through the trauma. Honestly? Don’t fuck around with the hotel incident. Like I truly hate to lose Sander’s mental illness as a vital part of the season, but adding a full-blown manic episode on top of gay-bashing is way too much misery porn. I think you could probably show how the hate crime and resulting trauma affect Sander’s mental state without pushing it into full-blown wandering the streets naked while manic. 

Do I particularly like this plot? I mean, no, not compared to the original, and I feel like this is better off as its own thing rather than a S3 adaptation. But at the very least, I can see the attempt to take the hate crime seriously. You cannot just throw in this type of scenario to shake things up and leave it at that. This show is specifically made for teenagers, to take their struggles seriously and to give them positive examples of how to handle problems. If you prioritize the violent act itself because it’s dramatic and shocking, rather than the recovery (because that’s like, boring and uninteresting, amirite), then you’ve shown your ass. You don’t understand the purpose or the appeal of Skam in the first place.

Jumping ahead, I think this is exactly where wtFOCK exposes its true intentions. wtFOCK does not care about helping vulnerable teenagers find solutions to tough problems. wtFOCK does not care about healing or educating. wtFOCK is about shaking the audience so hard that viewers get whiplash. If wtFOCK gave a shit about helping the audience, the rest of the season would focus on Robbe and Sander dealing with the assault, giving them options to report it, showing them ways to cope with the trauma. Things that might help audience members who unfortunately also found themselves victims of hate crimes or homophobic violence. Those are not present in the rest of the season. It’s just a fucking soap opera. 

If you MUST have a homophobic incident to go with your dark ‘n’ edgy season, you can still limit it to some assholes yelling homophobic slurs without resorting to violence. That’s bad enough, and it did happen to Isak and Even later in the series. Even if you decide you MUST have a violent angle to this incident for whatever reason, I don’t fucking know why but OK, you don’t need to film it in this super exploitative manner where our heroes are getting viciously beaten on the ground. But there are so many ways to incorporate external homophobia without this shit.

Wouldn’t this dreadful scene make more sense at least if it had happened after the pool kiss? Like they go out a few days later, the hate crime happens, and then THAT’s why Robbe pushes away Sander and calls him names? Because now he’s afraid and he’s internalized what the bigots said? It’s tragic and gross, but at least there’s some character-driven logic in that sequence of events.

Another thing that really doesn’t work is that they’re straying so far from the original script, but at the same time they keep jamming in scenes from the original, except there isn’t the same buildup. Or any buildup, sometimes. This results in an incoherent mess of a season and of a POV character, where Robbe is part-Robbe, part-Isak.

I think all the remakes do this to a degree: there are certain beats they feel they must hit, and they hit them even though they’re off course. You need to commit either to doing a mostly faithful adaptation of the original, or to doing a remake with your own spin on the characters, but you need to be very, very careful not to just haplessly mix ‘n’ match the two. Does a scene from OG make sense within this remake universe? No? Then drop it, rewrite it, do what you need to do, just don’t carelessly recreate it if it doesn’t fit.

The way they’re writing Jens is bizarre because he seems to care enough about Robbe to ask him how he’s doing, but also not care enough to stick around and listen once the next shiny thing comes along. From the beginning they’ve set up the friendship tension with the boy squad as not just Robbe’s fault, but as a failure of his friends to pay attention as well. Like in the first episode Robbe is trying to talk to them and they just ditch him! They really need to make Jens more aware of how he himself has messed up with his friend, and not act like this is all Robbe’s doing.

We don’t need another Noor blue balls scene, thank you, bye. But if we keep this one, then we absolutely needed to see what exactly made Robbe stop in the act of sex with her, such as him flashing back to his kiss with Sander. Or even just letting us see him make the decision, because goddamn, what’s with wtFOCK not letting this young actor actually act out some of the meatiest material?

Overall, give Robbe more baby steps in his personal development, and not unbelievable leaps and changes in his behavior because the plot demands them.

I did try to think of a way to incorporate much of the same material from this week, including a hate crime, in a way that made more sense and was not ridiculously OTT or offensive. It’s hard because I really think you need to go back to the beginning of the season, but here’s what I came up with, borrowing some elements from the last episode as well.

Robbe wakes up the night after kissing Sander. He’s happy and glowing, he sees a cute text from Sander and smiles. Then he goes to the kitchen and Milan is there with a black eye or something, he’s talking to Zoë and Senne, maybe they’re tending to his injuries. Robbe asks what happened. Milan had a date last night and some homophobes started giving them a hard time, Milan wasn’t having it, punches were thrown. Milan is very shaken and upset. So is Robbe, who panics. Is this what he has to look forward to if he’s dating a gay? Will people harass him just for being out with his boyfriend? The implications of what it means to be a gay person in this world hit him really hard. He looks at Sander’s text again and ignores him and possibly blocks him. At some point we will establish that Robbe is also ignoring texts/calls from everyone else, too: Noor, Jens, his mom...

Sander shows up the next day outside Robbe’s place after Robbe has been ignoring him. He tries to talk to Robbe, but Robbe is freaked out and visibly nervous, his eyes darting around - he’s paranoid now about being seen with Sander, due to Milan’s incident. He’s worried about being a target for homophobic violence, understandably so. Sander doesn’t realize that Robbe’s frightened, however, and keeps talking and being nice. Robbe tries to play off the other night as just him being drunk, it was a mistake. When Sander physically gets too close to Robbe, Robbe yells that he’s not gay and runs inside, leaving Sander alone.

Robbe encounters Milan at home alone. Milan is still bruised from the homophobic incident. Milan is unusually subdued. Robbe says he’s sorry for what happened to Milan, it’s terrible. Robbe then sticks his foot in his mouth by saying something well-intentioned but hurtful and ignorant about how maybe Milan shouldn’t be so gay in public or w/e, since that will just attract homophobes, and that not all gay people act like Milan (meaning flamboyant, etc.) Milan gets really, really upset and snaps at Robbe about how gay people have been beaten and killed for just being who they are - basically a version of the Pride speech with a somewhat different context - and that it takes bravery and strength, Robbe doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. So that ends on a bad note for them.

Now trying to get out of the house since he’s fought with Milan, Robbe meets up with Jens, or maybe Jens finds him at the park or whatever. Jens comments on how it’s been a while since they’ve talked. Robbe says he was just worried about what the guys would say since he blew up at them previously. Jens is like, dude, we’re your friends. You have to talk to the people who care about you, you can’t just ghost them and avoid facing your problems. Robbe takes this advice to heart. Jens tells Robbe that he’s ready to listen when Robbe wants to talk.  Maybe Robbe sees something that reminds him of Sander, like graffiti on a building, and despite his fears, we can see that he really misses Sander, and that his feelings for Sander are stronger than his fears.

Next he meets up with Noor. She’s really upset that he’s been ignoring her. He apologizes and a version of the breakup scene goes down. When Robbe leaves, we see him walk away with a conflicted expression. Sorry that he’s hurt Noor, but understanding that this was the right call, and relief that he doesn’t have to pretend any more. 

Robbe sees Milan again and apologizes for what he said last time. Milan accepts his apology. Robbe admits that he’s been confused lately because he likes a guy and he doesn’t know what that makes him. Milan says something like that’s great Robbe likes a guy and that Robbe doesn’t need to label himself right now, he should just follow his heart. Maybe that liking boys is scary (Milan points to his black eye) and sometimes you need to be careful, but at the end of the day, Milan has to be himself and live his life honestly, and so does Robbe. After Milan leaves, Robbe takes out his phone and texts Sander saying he wants to talk.

Sander meets Robbe somewhere and Robbe apologizes for ignoring him, says he freaked out because that was the first time he kissed a guy, but now he’s made up his mind that he wants to be with Sander. They kiss and make up, yayyyyy.

This is by no means a perfect solution (like the thought of then going into the shit with Britt next episode on top of this makes my head hurt), this is just an attempt to include stuff like homophobic violence, Robbe’s ghosting Sander, scenes with Jens and Noor, etc. in a way that makes a little more linear sense to me and doesn’t feel as haphazard, and isn’t super triggering or exploitative. I think if you have a hate crime happening to Robbe himself, that really needs to be the main focus from here on out, for at least a few episodes; if you have something off-screen happening to another character, you can address the topic of violent homophobia without having it dominate the season or featuring triggering scenes. And hopefully it would still have some emotional impact, because we see how it affects Milan, and some clear consequences for character development, because we see how it affects Robbe, as the situation he may find himself in one day.

If I missed anything, cultural notes, translation nuances, let me know!

[liliesoftherain]

Kiri with a soccer player s/o who gets cleated(stepped on) and breaks her ankle but doesn't tell anyone till the games over?

A/N: Omg this was so cute-I know nothing about soccer lmao! So I looked some stuff up and did what I could, I probably added more info than necessary. Anyways I’m sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy!

Title: Get Fuc-Cleated.

Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima x Reader

Eijirou Kirishima!:

Sweat was sliding down your face, collecting at your chin before falling down in fat drops. Tonight’s game was the most important game in your opinion by far, tonight scouts were out in the crowd and looking for the athletes they thought would make it to the big leagues.

You were in your position, standing center midfield as the game started up again. The score being 6-6, and you intended to get your team in the lead. 

You watched the ball get passed around to the second mid, so you lingered behind slightly, still close enough to help if needed but not far away enough that you’d had less space to cover if you had to sprint back across the field in case the ball was stolen. 

She had passed the ball back and forth, keeping the ball in constant motion and control between her and the forward before striker had managed a goal. Shiketsu’s goalie had thrown the ball back into play, and you kept moving after it. 

You loved playing the game, the constant motions kept you on your toes and alert, allowing you no rest. It was a game that kept your heart pumping and interest peaked. Also, being a center mid had definite advantages. Sure, while you were constantly on the move, you had the most versatile spot. You were able to act as offense and defensive, able to make passes as well as score. 

Speaking of passes,  you quickly ran towards the opposing box help your teammate out. They were going for the goal but you could tell they were acting to harshly, the angle of her kick along with two Shiketsu players would cause for a miss, and then lead to a loss of the ball. She kicked anyways, but thankfully one of the girls had only blocked, causing the ball to fly back over towards you, and you had caught it, leaning back to let it bounce off of your chest till it was in between your feet on the ground.

You quickly took possession of the ball, dribble it between both feet as you maneuvered as close as you could get to the box, carefully, yet powerfully kicking the ball till it sailed straight into the goal. The crowd cheered, but all you could focus on was breathing, and where the ball would end up next

Eijirou cheered from the stands, shaking Bakugou’s shoulder with one hand while he pointed at you with the other, as he watched his girlfriend score for the second time that game. He always felt so much pride whenever he watched your games, you were just so amazing at what you did. In his opinion, you had one of the coolest, if not the hardest, positions of all. 

Before dating you, he never really cared to know about soccer or the finer details of it. He was a fullback on the football team here at U.A. and if it wasn’t football, he wasn’t interested. However, one day his team had arrived at the the multi-purpose practice field earlier than normal and the girl’s soccer team was still using it. So, with nothing else to do, Kirishima had decided to pay attention to see what they were up to.

That’s when he saw you.

You had scored three goals back to back and even had-what he knew know-had participated in an assist, and he was impressed by how well you dodged the other girls, weaving between like they were in slow motion compared to you. He was memorized, but what did him in was the giant smile you held as you began to congratulate your teammates on a job well done. High-fiving while greedily taking water into your mouth. He was close enough to see the sweat pouring down your body, and the way you were panting at the exhaustion that he knew all too well after a good practice. 

You had turned and made eye contact with him, and he swore his heart stopped, a blush rising to his cheeks as he couldn’t look away. You raised a brow at him before turning away yourself, and he felt embarrassed for being caught staring. How could he not though, not only were you beautiful, amazing at your sport, but you looked so good in your practice shorts..

The girls packed up and were making their way off the field, having to walk by all the players waiting on the sidelines. He watched as you slung your duffel bag over your shoulder and began to walk off, passing by him as you did.

You gave him the most gorgeous smile he’d ever seen, winking brushing your shoulder along his bicep. He felt a jolt go through him at the touch, and he swallowed as he watched you sashay away. The only thing bringing his thoughts back to the field was how two of his buddies roughly shoved him, teasing him at the obvious flirting she had done.

Let’s say, he came early to every practice after that, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. Day after day for the next two weeks, you had flirted with each other through looks alone, until you had gotten fed up with it and confronted him with questions on why he hasn’t asked you out yet. He immediately flushed, asking you out in one breath. Your smile made him feel lightheaded, as you agreed.

Ever since then you two had been inseparable.

Attending the others games, working out together, having frequent study dates, and you both were even planning colleges together.

“I get it already! She scored, quick shaking me dammit!” Katsuki cursed under his breath, pushing the redhead away.

Eijirou would have apologized, but he was too hyped to care. The end of the game was nearing, only about 10 minutes to go, and you guys were able to bring the score up, it now being 8-6, well until Shiketsu brought it one point closer after a score.

You were panting, cursing in your mind as Shiketsu stole the ball and quickly made a goal. You rushed forward, trying to quickly gain access to the ball but were cut off by a body slamming into you from behind. You grunted in surprise, sticking out your arms to help with keeping the damage to a minimum, but you felt a searing pain run up your leg as someone tripped over you as you fell. You held back a yell of pain, choosing to grind your teeth together as the Shiketsu player who had originally ran into you apologized profusely, helping her teammate before helping you up. 

As soon as you put pressure on the injured foot, a sharp pain once again shot out and up your leg. You groaned, but saw that Shiketsu had once again scored when you were down. You were now tied, and there wasn’t time to lose a player. You jogged forward, pushing through the pain as the ball was thrown back into play. The adrenaline in your body helped, numbing your ankle just enough to were it felt as if it were tightly wrapped, allowing you to pick up the pace and accept a pass as it headed towards you. 

The clock was ticking down, and you didn’t want to go into overtime. You needed to end it quickly. You moved through the hurt, irregular breathes passing you lips as your vision blurred. You passed the ball to a teammate who was opened, hoping to lose the opposing players who were closing in on you. As soon as you got them off of your tail, you were passed the ball once more, now close enough to shoot.

There were 10 seconds left, you couldn’t afford to mess up.

You blinked to clear your eyesight, faking a kick to the left and as the goalie jumped, you quickly changed feet, putting your body weight on your damaged right leg and kicked with your left. 

It soared through the air and landed in the net just as the buzzing sounded.

That was it-that was game.

The screams from the crowd were deafening, and you fell back on your ass. You looked down at your ankle to see a nasty bruise already there, the swelling not looking any better. 

With Shiketsu walking off the field and your team running around the field in celebration, you let out a loud groan of pain, knowing no one would be listening. You fell back, sprawled out on the grass as you tried to calm down, the pain now coming in waves as your heart rate began to slow. 

Fans, family, friends, and people alike were allowed to come onto the field to congratulate the players as they made their way to the locker rooms. 

Sitting up, you felt a shadow looming over you and looked to see the worried face of your boyfriend.

“Eijirou-”

“(y/n) what happened!?” He crouched down and looked at your ankle.

He knew something was wrong from the moment you stood after your tumble, he felt angry as he saw you trampled by two Shiketsu kids, but when one lifted you up he let his anger fade. Knowing then it must’ve been an accident instead of intentional. But when he saw how you immediately didn’t start running back into the fray, he knew you were hurt. You had to be, there was never a moment you let yourself watch your team. You preferred to be smack dab in the middle of the action, helping any way you could.

Then when he saw how slow you started running, then only to fall after your winning kick, he got up and made his way down to the fence. Itching to get on the field to check on you. Fear and worry creeping into his mind, hoping you were alright.

“Cleated-no worries, I just need help up.” You held out a hand, and he smacked it away.

“Hey-oh!” You let out a noise of surprise as Kirishima lifted you into his arms, holding your princess style.

“You’re not going to be walking on that! You shouldn’t have even been playing on it! You could seriously injure it more than it already is babe!” He scolded, taking you over to the bench on the side where the coach was so she could call the paramedic that was on standby for the game.

“Well,” you shrugged, sheepishly laughing at the scolding, “I couldn’t let Shit-ketsu win now could I?”

“Your health is what’s important to me.” He sat next to you after setting you down, lifting your foot carefully onto his lap to have it elevated. 

He had such a soft look in his eyes, you could have melted right then and there. You took one of his large hands in yours, giving it a light squeeze.

“Yeah I know, I’m sorry love.”

“You better be.”

You laughed at him, before letting out a whine.

“I’m going to have to use crutches aren’t I?”

“Never fear princess! Your knight is here to carry you wherever you need to go!” He grinned with a wink, flexing to show you that he could do it, causing you to giggle again at his silly antics.

“I have the best boyfriend in the world.” You pulled him down for a quick kiss, and didn’t miss the way his smile turned goofy as he looked at you with stars in his eyes.

“I have the best girlfriend in the world.”

“Awh-”

“Even though she’s a little dumb, thinking she could play on a sprained ankle and all.”

“HEY!”

[illshowyourhurricanes]

A Familiar Face (Part 7)

How about a chapter instead of a Sunday snippet? I love this story, and an update is far overdue!  As a short refresher since I took so long (apologies!), your apartment has been broken into and ransacked. Ryan is with you and helps you sift through the wreckage as much as he is able. But you have a confession to make: you know who is the culprit, and you can’t hide the truth anymore.  (Parts 1-6 can be found on my masterlist!

Rating: PG for a little steaminess

Word count: 3390 (Because Ryan gets to me and I lose any and all self-control.)

Tag list: @obscurilicious​ @the-blind-assassin-12 @something-tofightfor @logan-deloss @lexxierave @madamrogers​ @yannii04​ @gollyderek​ @carlaangel86​ @maydayfigment​ @vetseras​ @thisisparadisemylove​ @malionnes​ @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @crushed-pink-petals-writes​ @delos-destinations​ @luminex3​ @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes​ @tenhargreeves​ @witchygagirl​ @fific7​ @pheedraws​

If you’d like to be added to/removed from my tag list, please just send me an ask or shoot me a DM.

Enjoy, and thanks for reading!

Ryan’s eyes crinkled up at the edges when he smiled. It was something you hadn’t discovered early on, like the pensive look that darkened his eyes sometimes or the way their color seemed to dance when he talked about music and places he’d been, things he’d seen. He was always wearing that tattered khaki hat, and the bill cast a shadow over his eyes, shrouding little things from view.

But that night, between guitar picking with calloused fingertips and singing that bursted from his soul, you and Ryan talked; you joked and laughed and the back-and-forth you both indulged in lasted longer than any of your previous conversations had. With Ryan’s overgrown hair brushed back, the only thing obstructing his eyes at times was a chunk of long bangs falling over his forehead. It wasn’t enough, however, to hide those eye crinkles when he laughed, framed by long, dark eyelashes. It was a small feature of his that was only showcased in certain instances, and one that most people wouldn’t notice. But, every time it happened, you felt your heart flip, the way it had just before the cozy house set back deep in the woods had been filled with music.

Your mind kept replaying the melody of the original song he’d played for you. It had stirred something deep inside of you, ignited a place within yourself that you’d never known existed. 

“When did you write Southbound?” Your questions were becoming more personal, and the startling part, the part that made you the happiest, was that Ryan didn’t seem to mind answering them, nor did he seem hesitant to ask questions of his own. “What sparked that melody, those words?”

Ryan set his guitar down gently, leaning the front of the old acoustic against the wall, neck and peg board supporting the instrument. He regarded your face, the glint of genuine curiosity shining in your eyes. He was attentive to the way you were sitting, leaning forward and eager to hear more of his story. 

He’d met many people over the time he’d spent on the roads, living life the way he saw fit. Some of them had been curious about his lifestyle, how long he’d been playing, that sort of thing. He’d met people who had pried for details, almost as if a disguised predator hunting for prey. But you… you were the first person he’d encountered that was interested in more than why he didn’t use plastic guitar picks, but chose thumb and finger picks instead. Ryan wasn’t used to people being interested in him as a person. He was conditioned to keeping to himself, allowing lips curled in disgust at his clothes, rust-stained or dirtied in places from hopping trains,  to roll off his back. He smiled, one of those crooked, small quirks of his lips that he tended to lean toward when he was feeling shy. But it didn’t keep him from answering, and truthfully.

“Just keepin’ myself occupied on trains.  Some’a those rides are long and I use the time to practice, to play.” He flexed his fingers, and you looked down to see the ink decorating his knuckles. That was another story you’d love to hear, what those tattoos meant to him, what they stood for. “I found a melody I liked, kept playin’ around with it, the tuning, the speed, the pickin’. It was a while before the words came. My old notebook is more scratched through words than anythin’ else.”

He looked at you, perched on the edge of the old vintage couch, some of the fabric beginning to wear. He caught your eyes and held your gaze for a lingering moment, andl his focus was drawn downward to your lips. He forced himself to not stare, to continue with his story. 

“But the words came, and I liked ‘em alright. They fit when I paired the lyrics with the music. For a long time, I had two verses, the strumming in the middle, and that was it. Wasn’t until the thick of the winter when I was inspired to finish.”

Ryan stopped there. You wanted to ask him what had inspired him to turn the song in the specific direction it had gone. You wanted to ask him how autobiographical the song was, the parts about leaving home— where home had been, if he’d ever tried to find a permanent place he could be content in. He’d sung a line or so nodding to drinking, and you couldn’t help but feel a strong pull at your heartstrings, and the solemn weight that settled in your chest. Ryan hadn’t had an easy life. 

Instead of responding with words, you surveyed Ryan’s face. He was still just across from you, the fire he’d built still crackling in the fireplace. You felt a chill and lifted your sock-clad feet to the bottom cushion of the sofa you’d been occupying for the evening, hugging your knees to your chest. 

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you, You became lost in thought, with the knowledge that tomorrow would be another very long day. You were making a mental list of things to take care of when Ryan’s voice brought you back to the present. It was such a welcome distraction.  

“Tell me about the diner.” He spoke softly, not much louder than the crackling of the blazing fire he’d built. Standing from where you’d been lounging, you moved to the heart again to toast before the fire. It was difficult to stay still, difficult to focus on anything other than the questions making endless rounds through your head, overwhelming your mind. You could focus on Ryan, though. The diner. You smiled genuinely. My comfort. My home.  It felt like, somehow, Ryan knew how much the diner meant to you… and he did. It was impossible to miss when you were there, working non-stop but never without a smile, never too busy to indulge a patron in warm conversation. It was your safe haven.

“My grandparents opened up the place decades ago,” you started. You paused for a moment and relished the warmth radiating over your back. “They snatched it up with a down payment and a lump sum  of pre-payment of the lease before the building had an interior, when it was just a shell of brick. They knew it would be the perfect location for the business they’d dreamt of opening.” You caught Ryan’s eyes, and there was a smile there, matching the one on his lips as well as your own. “It’s like the American Dream,” you laughed, and continued. “My parents took over…” 

And just as quickly as your grin had come, it vanished with a darkening of your eyes. The shock and bewilderment you’d felt in discovering the state of your apartment was transitioning into outright anger. You could kill your brother. And the thought of him intruding your mind-- just like the way he’d intruded your apartment, your life once again-- reminded you that Ryan still had no idea about what you knew. What had actually happened. 

“And that brings us here,” you finally continued. “I had money saved up, a nice amount. Cash, mostly from tips, so I could buy that building outright when it’s time, take over when my parents grew tired.” You swallowed hard, shoving down the lump in your throat that had been returning unwelcome throughout the evening and night. A slight look of contempt twisted your features, and your eyes began to prickle. You knew what was coming; it was inevitable. “For years, I’ve measured my life in coffee spoons, packs of sweetener and powdered creamer. Working toward that goal is my whole life, and I wouldn’t trade the double shifts or overtime for the world, but right now? I have nothing to show for it.” Hot tears stung your face, and you wiped them away angrily as you gathered the courage to look at Ryan. His gaze was centered on you already, stunningly intense. And you were hit with a realization then:  that if anyone could understand what it was like to have nothing—  next to no money, no home, a sparse amount of belongings— it was Ryan. 

He had no permanent home. You were fairly positive he’d had his fair share of days with little to no money, and everything he owned fit in his pack, with the exception of his guitar. The peace you felt from your epiphany thawed your anger. Your tears were tapering. Sniffing quietly, you moved to the side as Ryan came to tend to the fire. A feeling of understanding hung in the air between the two of you as Ryan added some more kindling to the flames. Your eyes alternated between his movements and the dance of dark shadow with orange firelight moving over his features. You were mesmerized. 

“I know who did it.” Your voice was barely more than a whisper and you were hyper-aware of your heart beating wildly beneath the safety of your rib cage. Ryan brushed his hands together and stood upright, his eyes regarding as he did so. He didn’t seem to be angry at all, but his curiosity was apparent. He was quiet for a moment, but finally answered with a slight nod, the silence remaining. You opened your mouth to apologize again, your self-loathing over lying by omission rising by the minute, but Ryan beat you to the punch.

“ ‘S’not much of my business, I reckon, but you…” He looked at you with a seriousness you’d never expect from him, and your eyes widened with anticipation and dread. “Are you safe, Y/N?” Ryan’s warm, dark eyes were round with concern, and not a touch of anger was present. All you saw was worry and care.

You nodded in response and cast your eyes downward. “It is your business,” you assured him. It’s your business. You were there and you… you helped me bear the brunt of it all. “And I’m sorry, Ryan. Feeling shame isn’t an excuse to lie. Nothing is.” For the first time, you were nervous in front of him, not because of how he made you feel, but because you’d deceived him. If he’d had any trust in you-- which you thought he might-- you’d taken advantage of that.  “I don’t want you to get involved in my mess.” Looking up at him, you locked your eyes with his. He had no further reason to trust you, not in your opinion, but you hoped he’d be able to see the honesty that you were finally giving him, and that he deserved. “You’ve been a light in my life since you’ve been around, and I don’t want to dim that, not while you’re still here casting that glow.” Your cheeks burned at the realization of how corny your words sounded, but corny or not, they were absolute truth.

Closing the short distance between you, Ryan gently took one of your hands in his, tangling his long fingers with yours. He just looked at you for a few seconds, and then, he kissed you with care. His lips were soft against yours, his kiss light, lingering, laced with an air of urgency. One hand cupped your cheek and the other wrapped around your hand just a bit tighter, your fingers lacing with his. He kissed you again, this time with an added tenacity, yet somehow still chaste. When he pulled back to look at you, both for a reaction and to marvel at your beauty, you noticed his chestnut eyes had darkened a shade or two. Your hands were still locked together and you couldn’t seem to draw in a full, steady breath. You got lost in the warmth of his eyes for a moment before your gaze fell to his lips, already craving another taste. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I shouldn’t ‘ve—“ You shook your head once and leaned in again, interrupting his very unnecessary apology. The way Ryan kissed was something you’d never experienced before. It was all the evidence you needed to achor the idea that Ryan didn’t need words. His soul was naked when he strummed the steel strings of his guitar, his emotions were on full display in his eyes, and his heart was unmistakably felt in his kiss. It was extraordinary and spellbinding. It was absolute and genuine and something that you wanted to take hold of, grasp tightly, and keep with you. But you knew, instead, eventually, you’ d have to let go. And much sooner, you suspected, than you’d like.

It had been foolish to allow yourself to grow attached to a stranger you may never see again, but you allowed yourself the effort to attempt rationalizing what was serendipitous. It wasn’t lost on you that doing so was a glaring paradox, but what were the chances of Ryan returning to your small town in the first place? You knew now that the reason was Georgie, but that posed another question: what were the chances of you remembering Ryan specifically? Buskers passed through all the time, on their way to or coming from the city. You were accustomed to music floating through the air on your way to the diner when you didn’t have the opening shift, but Ryan’s music wasn’t just a nice tune you’d enjoyed on your way to work. Ryan’s music, his style and way of playing, his voice smooth as honey but rough with passion, wasn’t just music-- it was a force. Ryan in himself was a force, and in the most gentle, remarkable way. 

You pulled back reluctantly, your lips on fire and cheeks ablaze. You’d had one hell of a day, and your emotions were anything but regulated. The last thing you wanted to do was something out of your character, to tarnish your time with Ryan by doing something that, in hindsight, wouldn’t hold a meaning. You opened your eyes to see Ryan studying your face, and he smiled that boyish, crooked quirk of his lips— his incredible lips— that made your heart do somersaults. 

“I’ve been wantin’ to do that for awhile,” he admitted, a slight chuckle accompanying his confession. You laughed, shaking your head more in disbelief than anything else  Ryan brushed his calloused fingertips softly over your forehead, gently curling a few wayward strands of your hair behind your ear. 

“How did you wait so long? I’m irresistible.” You dissolved into laughter and rolled your eyes dramatically, taking him by the hand and leading him the few steps back to the old loveseat you’d claimed as yours earlier in the evening. He followed suit easily, pulling you down to sit on one cushion as he sat on the other. 

“You are,” he told you, but there was no trace of laughter in his voice. His shadow of a smile held affection instead of humor. “You’ve made my time here more’n just playing a couple songs with Georgie. He’s off somewhere now, an’ me? I’m still here.”

It was a simple thing to say, obvious in nature but not in the way Ryan had said it. The connotation in his voice and what he meant was stunning. For a moment, you were quiet, turning his words over in your head. Then, you grinned shyly. 

“You’re something else, Ryan Brenner.” It was something he’d said to you many times, and it had grown into a habit, an inside joke. Turning toward him, you took both of his hands and your expression grew serious. “I owe you an explanation,” you started carefully, “But first I want to thank you for bringing such sunshine into my life since you’ve been here. I always look forward to work, but I found myself not dreading the walk there in the cold. I wanted to make sure to bring you some sort of warmth as thanks, even if it was just a cup of coffee during the day… something pulled me toward you, Ryan, And not for any reason other than how genuine you are. You’re unapologetic in who you are, and there’s no pretense you carry around with you. People like you are all but impossible to come by.”

Now that you were talking, really talking and free of anxiety, you couldn’t stop. Words just came pouring out in bursts with barely a moment between. You could talk to Ryan about how you felt about him for an hour, but you needed to get back to the truth and finish the conversation you’d started earlier. In your moment’s pause,Ryan took advantage of your silence and leaned toward you, pressing his lips to yours again softly, almost as if asking permission.

You hummed slightly against his lips, and you felt the warmth of his palm radiating through the material of your shirt. He pressed his hand to the small of your back, drawing you closer. Again, he gifted you with his mouth against yours, gently coaxing your lips open with his tongue, deepening the kiss. Your arm found its way over his shoulder, your hand curling around his neck and fingers getting lost in the long, dark hair there. You’d easily gotten yourself lost in Ryan, and consciously so. Kissing Ryan felt like home. 

When he broke away, his eyes were dark with desire, yet he simply rested his forehead against yours, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes briefly. You slowly withdrew your fingers from his hair, your arm from his neck and shoulder, but Ryan’s hand remained on your back. The pressure was light, however, and he was gently running his fingertips up and down the middle of your back, straight over the line of your spine. You closed your eyes at first, relishing in his touch, feeling goosebumps pop up atop your skin. You opened your eyes as you felt him remove his forehead from yours, and you focused your gaze downward. Turning over his hand, you traced your index fingers over the tattoos, vertical lines between his middle and lower knuckles.

“It was my brother.” Finally confessing your truth, your voice was tiny, barely audible, and you felt the fall of your heart into the pit of your stomach. Nerves and shame burrowed there as well and spread like venom throughout your body. Your posture changed, your shoulders tense as you hunched into yourself unconsciously. A bitter taste was on your tongue, and that lump had lodged itself in your throat again, rendering your voice useless. You swallowed past it again, and you looked up at Ryan, knowing a simple glance could give you the courage you needed. His eyes were full of warmth and gentle encouragement, and his palm flattened over your back, rubbing gentle circles in effort to soothe you. 

Noel was at rock bottom. Because you’d been forced to change your locks and not give him a key, he’d resorted to breaking down your door and destroying your apartment searching for money that he either owed or needed to sustain his habit. That strength and effort, that apparent absence of remorse in someone who you’d trusted implicitly for years cut you like a knife, but more than that, it terrified you. Your brother had turned into a stranger. 

“I don’t know if I’m safe anymore, Ryan.” You looked up at him in a loss. “I don’t know where to go from here.”

Ryan was not a violent man, but at that moment, he felt a white hot anger for the man who had done this to you, your brother, a man he didn’t even know and had never laid eyes on. A man he hadn’t known existed until two minutes ago. But he was concentrating on what didn’t matter, and he needed to reroute that. You mattered. You were all that mattered to him in that moment, your peace of mind and your safety. Dipping his head, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and indulged in inhaling the scent of your shampoo.

“We’re gonna figure it, okay? I promise you. I’mma be right here ‘till we do.” He paused and placed his index finger under your chin, drawing your face upward gently and catching your eye. Ryan needed you to see his sincerity. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Y/N. We’re in this together, you and me.”

[perregrinstudiessometimes]

Study tips/school advice

1- Once you get your syllabi put all of the due dates in your calendar

2- Make an assignment sheet for each class that you can look at throughout the year

3- Make a full assignment sheet with all due dates from all of your classes (organized by date)

4- Don’t be afraid to email your professors if you have a question that you can’t answer on your own

5- Be sure to send thank you emails to your professor when they help you with something

6- Don’t be afraid to go to your professor’s office hours. They exist for a reason (if you are not available during the professor’s office hours email them to find a time when you are both free)  

7- Check your email! Seriously just do it! Check at least once a day! (but preferably more!)

8- If you don’t understand something do your best to get a good understanding of it as (if you have the same bad luck as I do) the one thing you don’t understand will most likely show up on the test. Don’t just hope it won’t show up on the test!

9- Don’t cram before an exam! Schedule your time so that you can relax/rest the night before the test (I will admit I normally take a glance over my notes the morning of the exam, but this is used as a refresher not an attempt for last-minute learning.

10- I see a lot of people suggest that you read through the whole exam before answering any questions. I would not recommend this as most exams are timed. Instead, I would suggest going through the exam in order skipping questions you don’t know to come back to later. (this way you can maximize the number of questions you get to that you do know the answer to without wasting time)

11- Over prepare for every test!

12- Take a mental note of how prepared you feel before a test/exam and the grade you make on said test/exam. The goal is to be able to have a pretty good guess as to what you will make on the test/exam based on how prepared you feel.

13- Use a final grade calculator (or this one) to see what you have to make on a final exam to get the grade you want (this is helpful to know what classes you will need to study more for)

14- Don’t skip class unless you absolutely have too. Showing up is half the battle.

15- On the first few days of each class wear layers because you never know how hot/cold each class will be. Take note of the temperature in each class and plan accordingly as the class goes on.

16- Show up to class a few minutes early (don’t bother showing up very early as the class before yours will probably still be in session, but you also don’t want to accidentally be late)

17- In class sit where is best for you (this will take some trial and error) I personally prefer to sit 2-3 rows back against the wall)

18- Write the date at the top of each of your papers (notes and handouts) this will make it easier to know what to study when your professor says the exam will cover everything from date A to date B.

19- Take class notes in your own words. If you can’t write it in your own words than you don’t understand it.

20- Learn and use abbreviations [here is @studyquirks post about it] and make your own for words you write often

21- read ahead in the textbooks so you will have a basic understanding when your professors bring a topic up.

22- Start studying from day one (even if it feels like there isn’t enough to go over)

23- Have specific goals for each study session.  

24- Know your learning style and use it to your advantage

25- Find out what time of day you study best (for me this is first thing in the morning and around 3-6pm)

26- Don’t skip studying a section/subject just because you don’t find it interesting. Give each subject the time it deserves.

27- Get dressed to study (there is something about having shoes on that makes me feel productive)

28- This is a link to my main study method

29- Recall is the most important aspect of studying (as it is what you will have to do for a test)

30- Study what you are weakest on most but don’t neglect stuff that you already know. Review everything at least once.

31- Make the term memorable to YOU (for example I can remember what quid-pro-quo means because I have a trump voice in my head say “quid-pro-quo I’d like a favor though”)

32- Quizlet doesn’t work for me. The act of making physical flashcards helps me learn

33- Don’t make flashcards for things you already know

34- If you need a quick basic understanding of something to google the topic followed by “for kids” (example moon phases for kids)

35- If you get distracted while studying write down the distraction and promise yourself, you will deal with it during a break/ when you are done studying.

36- STOP MULTITASKING! Seriously you will get stuff done quicker if you give each task your full attention.

37- Studying is not a competition. (I see people on Tumblr/Instagram almost bragging about how long they study for, sometimes claiming 9+ hours, a day. This is not realistic!) remember quality over quantity.  

38- Do the homework even if it isn’t graded. It will help you.

39- Make new deadlines for projects to make sure the projects get done on time (I usually set the new due take 3-7 days before the actual due date)

40- Start long term assignments within 3 days of it being assigned

41- Do all of your assignments (I often see people say it’s okay to skip a few assignments) in my opinion it is better to turn in a rushed/half-assed assignment than to have a 0 in the grade book.

42- When writing an opinion piece, you don’t have to write about your opinion (although you will probably enjoy writing about your own opinion more.)

43- If you plan on studying at the library find the least populated area (for my school this is the second floor)

44- Try and avoid the school’s library during exam season as it tends to get busy (instead try other places on campus, the public library, or a coffee shop)

45- Page flags/tabs/sticky notes are useful. Use them.

46- I prefer to use highlighters to underline rather than highlight the normal way. (the normal way makes it harder to reread as your eye is drawn to the highlighted portion)

47- Don’t over highlight (instead highlight small sections/words and expand on it in your own words in the margins/ on sticky notes)

48- When reading write summaries on sticky notes (keep these summaries concise and to the point)

59- When reading to take notes (such as from as a textbook) skim the section before doing a deep read (where you highlight/annotate) as it is difficult to know if a sentence is important without context.

50- When doing required readings for classes take detailed notes and summaries the reading in your own words both to help you understand the reading and so you can look back at the summaries when you need a refresher (like before an exam)  

51- If you know you will be asked to write about the reading keep a list of quotes (with page numbers) and a description of why the quote is important/relevant

52- If you are reading a whole book, make sure to make summaries for each chapter and keep track of plot points (for when you are making an overall summary of the book/reading.

53- In short summarize! Summarize! Summarize!

54- ALL NIGHTERS ARE A WASTE OF TIME! Try and avoid them at all costs. Plan your time effectively and you won’t have to pull all-nighters.

55- Use a website like google drive or one drive to keep all of the assignments you are currently working on, so you don’t have to worry about carrying around a flash drive.

56- Give yourself a day off once a week where you don’t work on anything school-related (for me this is Sunday)

57- Use alarms to remind you to do things/ get you to do things (I use silent alarms on my watch to remind me when to leave so I can make it to my next class etc)

58- Study groups don’t work for me and I have found that they are a waste of my time.

59- Keep a list of all the places to study around campus for when the library is closed/busy

60- The Pomodoro method doesn’t work on me. I focus too much on how much time is left and not enough on my studies

61- Try a social media break

62- Mind maps don’t work for me. I find it much more effective to use a linear progression of thoughts

63- Don’t feel like you have to join clubs if you don’t want to.

64- Give yourself incentives (ex if I make a B+ or higher on this paper I will plan a movie night with friends, although don’t disregard pleasure if you don’t do well on a test/paper)

65- Clean your desk/study area every time you are done using it

66- Follow the two-minute rule, if it can be done in two minutes do it right then (don’t follow this while studying just write down a list of everything that needs to be done and do them once your study session is over)

67- Don’t rely on motivation. Rely on discipline. Be a parent to yourself.

68- Eat breakfast if you can (I know eating early upsets some people’s stomach) and always pack a snack in case you don’t have time for lunch    

69- Try to carry as little as possible in your bag (if you can’t avoid carrying multiple textbooks try carrying one/some textbooks in your arms to help distribute the weight)

70- Keep a water bottle, chargers for all of your electronics, all the pens/highlighters, and study materials you will needs in your study area (so you won’t be tempted to get up and walk away from your studies)  

71- Keep just one folder in your bag for all of the handouts you are given throughout the day. Organize these papers by class/topic/chapter when you get home

72- Clean out your bag often (I clean out mine every day)

73- Remember the best tips are the ones that work for you!!!!

[tigerkirby215]

5e Teemo, the Swift Scout build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

So funny story: Teemo was originally going to be a Death Cleric and I had this massive joke about how “Illaoi was a Cleric with no Cleric levels and Lux should’ve been a Cleric but wasn’t and then the Devil himself ends up being a Cleric” but midway through writing this build I realized that another class made a lot more sense and I had to scrap like half my work.

Even on Tumblr Teemo annoys me.

GOALS

Swiftly - Teemo is literally called “the Swift Scout.” You’ll never guess what subclass we’re going to pick.

That's gotta sting - We’re going to need to fight dirty with poisons and blinds to overpower our foes.

Got a little surprise for 'em - Your enemies should never feel safe walking into your territory, knowing that a trap could be there just waiting for them.

RACE

One may think that to be a small Swift Scout one would want to be a halfling, but there are plenty of small races in 5e to choose from. This may come as a surprise but I’m actually going to suggest playing a Deep Gnome. Your Intelligence increases by 2 and you have Gnome Cunning for advantage on Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma saving throws against magic.

As a Deep Gnome your Dexterity increases by 1. You have Superior Darkvision of 120 feet, and advantage on Stealth checks to hide in rocky terrain thanks to Stone Camouflage. I mean, it’s not a bush but you could probably stealth in the jungle.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - You don’t get the title of “The Swift Scout” by being slow on your feet. (Excluding the fact that you have 25 movement speed.)

14; INTELLIGENCE - Knowledge of guerilla warfare would be more intelligence-based.

13; WISDOM - Teemo is a survivalist, having to spend months in the jungle with nothing but mushrooms to keep him company.

12; CONSTITUTION - Even if Teemo is squishy in-game it’s still nice to have a bit of extra bulk.

10; STRENGTH - Teemo needs to be able to carry all his equipment, which is where Strength comes in.

8; CHARISMA - FUCKING TEEMOOOOOOOOOOOO. (Memes aside feel free to make your Strength lower I’m mostly just dumping Charisma for the meme.)

BACKGROUND

As a Survivalist the Outlander background is pretty good to take. You get proficiency in Athletics, but I’m actually going to suggest swapping your Survival proficiency with Medicine for reasons that are going to be clear later. Why Medicine? I think Teemo would remember to bring some health pots. Regardless you also get proficiency in a musical instrument of your choice (Spirit Blossom Teemo has a Flute so take that) and a language of your choice. (Which of course has to be Infernal kekw. But really pick whatever you think will be useful.)

As an Outlander your Wanderer feature will help you remember the layout of the map you’ve been on for 10 years, and you can find food and water for yourself and 5 other people due to your adept survival skills. Captain Teemo on duty!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off as a Rogue for the extra proficiencies. Take Acrobatics to swiftly run away, Stealth to... well, stealth, Deception to trick foes into walking onto your mushrooms, and Perception to gain vision with your traps. You also get Expertise in two skills: Acrobatics and Stealth will make you the master of hit-and-run.

Speaking of hit-and-run Rogues get Sneak Attack, allowing them to do an extra d6 of damage if they attack with Advantage, or if an ally is within 5 feet of the target they’re attacking. The attack has to be with a ranged weapon which is a good segway to talk about Teemo’s weapon. Blowguns do exist in 5e but they’re trash, so unless your DM is willing to give you a seriously strong blowgun I’d personally suggest just using a Light Crossbow... for now.

But if you meet any other Bandle Scouts out in the wild you can communicate with them using Thieves’ Cant, a secret code only taught to scouts and other Rogues.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Hey it’s everyone’s favorite ability: Cunning Action! As a Bonus Action you can now Move Quick to Dash or Disengage, or use your passive to Hide. Of course Hiding with Expertise in Stealth and then popping out to shoot a poisoned “dart” (crossbow bolt) at an enemy is a good way to get a sneak attack off.

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues can choose their Roguish Archetype, and hey isn’t it funny that Rogues have a subclass called “Scout?” Scout Rogues are Skirmishers, allowing them to move up to half their movement speed away from an enemy if they end their turn within 5 feet of you as a reaction.

And remember how I told you to drop Survival proficiency? Scout Rogues gain free Expertise in both Survival and Nature thanks to the Survivalist skill! Now would be a good time to point out that D&D Beyond will let you change the proficiency in your background if you get it past level 1. Also your Sneak Attack increases to 2d6.

LEVEL 4 - ROGUE 4

4th level is our first Ability Score Improvement: for some Guerrilla Warfare take the Skulker feat to hide more easily in bushes, not reveal yourself when you attack, and see better while hiding in the brush.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 5 - WIZARD 1

Hey look everyone it’s my favorite class, because Teemo perpetually frustrates me! If you can’t tell this was going to be Cleric levels and I’m writing this immediately after scrapping like half my build so... a little annoyed. Yay.

Anyways Wizards at level one get Spellcasting: you get a Spellbook where you can write down 3 cantrips and four 1st level spells. Your cantrips are always ready but you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Wizard level plus your Intelligence modifier. Seeing as your INT mod is 3 that means you can prepare all the spells I list! (At least for level 1)

CANTRIPS

For a ranged source of poison damage take Infestation to both poison and confuse your foes to make it harder for them to approach you.

For a melee source of poison damage take Poison Spray for a lot of damage! What do you mean Poison damage is commonly resisted? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

To strategize with your team Message will let you keep quiet while preparing to ambush!

SPELLS

Snare is a trap spell that will let set up a trap. Not a mushroom trap, but a snare trap.

If you want to use your traps for information however Alarm will let you ward an area so you know if someone passes through it. Or you can make the alarm loud so everyone knows!

For some poisoned darts Ray of Sickness lets you do... exactly that. Shoot posioned darts to poison your foes.

Finally to Move Quick take Longstrider, which increases your movement speed by 10.

You also get access to Arcane Recovery, allowing you to recover Spell Slots on a Short Rest equal to half your Wizard level rounded up (with some finer details please read the description of the ability that I’m too lazy to describe.) Teemo has a lot of supplies to survive in the wilderness, so it’s not surprising he packed more darts.

LEVEL 6 - WIZARD 2

Second level Wizards can choose their Arcane Tradition and I’m actually going to suggest a bit of a wild card here: go for the Bladesinging subclass. Yes it’s meant for Elves only but I have never met a single DM who enforced that rule.

Regardless as a Bladesinger you have Training in War and Song for Performance proficiency, Light Armor proficiency (which you already have), and proficiency in one type of one-handed melee weapon. (Scimitars are the only Finesse weapon you don’t have proficiency in as a Rogue so that’s basically your only option.)

But the main feature of the Bladesinger is of course their Bladesong. You can activate your Bladesong as a bonus action for 1 minute. During Bladesong your AC increases equal to your Intelligence modifier, your walking speed increases by 10 feet, you have advantage on Acrobatics checks, and you get a bonus to Concentration checks equal to your Intelligence modifier.

“But Teemo doesn’t use a sword!” I hear you say. Well Bladesong ends if you use two hands to make an attack but you know what doesn’t take two hands to shoot? Well for one Blowguns, but since Blowguns in 5e suck: Hand crossbows! Get a Hand Crossbow to supplement a blowgun, and boom you’re still a ranged character! Yeah much to my surprise Bladesinger doesn’t have any restriction on using ranged weapons: you just can’t use two hands to make an attack. Regardless you have two uses of Bladesong per short or long rest.

You can also add two more first level spells to your spellbook like Detect Magic and Identify to help you know what you find in the wild.

LEVEL 7 - WIZARD 3

Third level Wizards can learn second level spells like Blindness / Deafness for a blinding dart, and Invisibility for more Guerrilla Warfare.

LEVEL 8 - WIZARD 4

4th level Wizards get another Ability Score Improvement but you know what we don’t have enough of? Feats! Take the Crossbow Expert feat to ignore the loading property on crossbows, ignore melee range disadvantage with crossbows, and attack with a hand crossbow with your bonus action after making the attack action. Stinger attack speed’s gotta sting!

Additionally you can learn another two spells at this level along with a new cantrip! For your leveled spells grab Misty Step for Flash and Enlarge / Reduce, because size doesn’t mean everything. For your cantrip Mending will help you keep your scout equipment in check.

LEVEL 9 - WIZARD 5

At level 5 you can learn 3rd level spells. You know what we haven’t gotten yet? Mushrooms. For a very expensive trap Glyph of Warding will let you put down a near-invisible glyph in an area for a mere 200 gold and 1 hour of set-up time. You decide what triggers the glyph, be it something complicated or something simple like an enemy walking near it.

When the spell activates you can choose one of two effects: the simple solution is just to make it explode for 5d8 acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder damage. Alternatively you could store a spell of third level or lower into it, and have it target whoever activates the glyph or the area around them. I’d highly suggest reading Glyph of Warding over in full before using the spell. It’s a powerful spell but it’s costly and requires a lot of set up time.

But you know what’s a simple spell? Fireball. Weaponize your shrooms for a big explosion of damage.

LEVEL 10 - WIZARD 6

6th level Bladesingers get an Extra Attack! Yup: that’s it! Because you’re a fake Fighter. But yeah this is primarily why we took Crossbow Expert, so you can still attack twice with a crossbow.

Well, you can also add another two spells to your spellbook. To move incredibly Swiftly take Haste. Other than that you can truly grab whatever spell you want as there isn’t much else that’s truly “in character” for such a simple character as Teemo. My out-of-character suggestion is to take Mirror Image from second level for a great boost to survivability. The only thing more annoying than one Teemo is three Teemos.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 11 - ROGUE 5

Back to our swift scouting ways 5th level Rogues get Uncanny Dodge, letting them use their reaction to reduce the damage of an attack by half. Your Sneak Attack damage also increases to 3d6.

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills: Perception will let you make good use of your wards, and Deception will let you make good use of your mushrooms.

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 7

Isn’t Teemo really annoying and hard to kill? Well with Evasion he’ll be even harder to kill since he’ll take no damage on a successful Dexterity saving throw and only half damage if he fails. And your Sneak Attack increases to 4d6 too?!

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 8

8th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and you know: I don’t think we have enough Feats. Fade Away is a Gnome-specific feat that will let you get use out of your passive by turning invisible when you get hit as a reaction. You remain invisible until the end of your next turn or until you attack, deal damage, or force someone to make a saving throw. You can use this reaction once per short or long rest and it uses the same reaction as Uncanny Dodge, so use it wisely!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 15 - ROGUE 9

At 9th level your Scout training gives you Superior Mobility for 10 extra feet of movement speed. "Hut, two, three, four!" Your Sneak Attack damage also increases to 5d6.

LEVEL 16 - ROGUE 10

10th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement to help compensate for all the feats. Increase your Dexterity and Wisdom by 1 for even Ability Scores.

LEVEL 17 - ROGUE 11

11th level Rogues get Reliable Talent so any roll with a skill you’re proficient in can’t be below a 10. If you roll a 9 or lower it counts as a 10. Whenever I get this ability I like to do a tally of all the skills you have and what the lowest potential roll is, so...

26 in Acrobatics (with Advantage if in Bladesong)

26 in Stealth (with Advantage to hide in rocky areas)

25 in Nature

24 in Perception or Survival

22 in Deception

18 in Medicine

16 in Athletics

15 in Performance

And to top it off your Sneak Attack damage increases to 6d6.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 18 - ROGUE 12

12th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and as much as I want to take more Feats (believe me I do) let’s finally cap off that Dexterity score for the deadliest darts.

If you aren’t playing with Standard Array and want some more Feats here’s a few I could suggest:

Poisoner (Yeah duh)

Svirfneblin Magic (More blinds, among other things)

Alert (To always be ready for a fight)

Observant (A half feat to spot any incoming danger)

Tough (Just because you aren’t a tank doesn’t mean that Grasp of the Undying is a bad rune)

LEVEL 19 - ROGUE 13

With 13 levels in Scout you are an Ambush Master. You have advantage on initiative checks, and in addition the first creature you hit during the first round of a combat becomes easier to hit. Attack rolls against that target have advantage until the start of your next turn, because it’s pretty hard to defend yourself when blinded. "Smell that? That's fear." Your Sneak Attack also increases to 7d6.

LEVEL 20 - ROGUE 14

Your final level is the 14th level of Rogue for a 10 foot Blindsense, allowing you to sense any hidden or invisible creature near you. Clearly they only have camouflage.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Turns out I got a proficiency in killing - Up to three attacks per turn with a +11 to hit means it’s more than likely you’ll hit your 7d6 Sneak Attack. Not to mention the strength of Wizard spells, notably Fireball.

Wars are won with men, not machines - Rogues are skill monkies and it turns out you’re quite the asset outside of combat. Expertise in 6 skills, notably the ones to keep alive in the wilderness. And of course the ability to cast Ritual spells like Detect Magic and Identitfy.

Never underestimate the power of the Scout's code - So Teemo��s pretty annoying right? Well I didn’t realize he’d be so damn elusive! +11 to Dexterity saves with Evasion, 35 feet of movement, Advantage on all mental saves, insanely good stealth skills, reactions to get away from danger... And this isn’t even mentioning the benefits from being a Wizard! Bladesong lets you increase your AC by 3 (up to 20 if you’re wearing Studded Leather!) and increase your movement speed to 45... Oh and you can just turn invisible! As well as blind the enemy and speed yourself up.

CONS

Size is a liability - A few feats too many means not enough ability scores, yet somehow we don’t have enough feats for things like Poisoner. Perhaps reserve this build for when you can use Point Buy. Or at least ditch Skulker because you really don’t need it when you can, ya know... turn invisible?

You'd be surprised how quick fur ignites - Of course the lack of Ability Scores means that your Wizard DC isn’t fantastic. Granted most of your spells are utility but a lot of them require saves, and a lot more of them are rather weak. Poison damage is one of the worst damage types in the game and both your cantrips are poison, not to mention Ray of Sickness. Feel free to grab other spells as you see fit.

Lots to do before I punch out - Teemo is squishy in League and Wizard levels don’t help in D&D. Even with the +1 to CON you’ll likely have a little over 100 health by level 20, which easily puts you in Power Word Kill range. You’re elusive yes but a bit of bad luck and you’ll be six feet under.

But you’re not meant to be the strongest: you’re meant to be annoying. Hit-and-run, hide in the shadows, and whittle the enemy down before you win the war of attrition. You’re in it for the long-con, and not just the end game. You’re engaging in psychological warfare: tearing at your opponent’s mental state until nothing remains. You are a master of anger and temptation. You are a demon; a devil... Or you might just be a hamster with a blow gun.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[emwriterblr]

welcome to my world

part two

gif is mine, please don’t repost

word count: 3.2K pairing: javier pena x oc warning(s): alcohol consumption notes: finally some proper javi interactions in this chapter!

In the week following the Medellin trip, Steve, Javier, and Elena fell into an easy routine. There was a part of Elena that thought bringing in a new partner might create some tension. A new pair of eyes meant a whole new perspective on the job at hand. But Steve made it easy. He listened to what Elena and Javier conveyed to him and was quick to agree with them. And she was grateful for it. God knows she didn’t have the headspace to deal with another hot-headed partner too stubborn to see eye to eye with them. And it was nice to know that she had someone else to help with dealing with Pena. 

However, in the midst of adjusting to being a newly formed trio, Elena didn’t miss the mood shift with Javier. It didn’t affect his work ethic. God, no. If anything, he became more focused during those high-stressed moments. But he wasn’t like this because of the long hours at work. Or maybe it was a part of it. Elena knew he was still mulling over what happened with the informant. And given the bags under his eyes, sleep had been alluding him as well. It made her heartache. She never breathed a word about what happened to him after that night. She knew his boundaries and the last thing she wanted was to piss him off or upset him even more. 

So she found another way to combat the ever-present worry she had for her partner. 

Elena kept a mindful eye on him during that week, deciding to make work just a little more tolerable for him. Each time she saw he had finished a cup of coffee, she would get him a new one. Whenever Javier would smoke through his entire pack, Elena would slip him hers without looking up from her paperwork. The first couple of times he didn’t question it. But soon, Javier caught onto the attentiveness of it all and it made him curious. It was unwarranted. A few times he thought about asking her about it. Each time he would try, she would merely smile at him and return to work. It was strange. She wasn’t doing it for Murphy and their new partner didn’t seem bothered by it either. 

After a particularly exhausting day, Elena was the last of the group to leave the embassy. Steve had left early to pick up Connie from work and take her home. After the whole incident with their cat, he didn’t like Connie being home by herself, if he could help it. And Elena couldn’t blame him for being worried. Elena was home that day, enjoying one of the few relaxing days she planned for herself when there was a loud banging at her door. Needless to say, Elena was confused to find a disheveled Steve standing on the other side of her door. He asked her if she could stay with Connie while he went back to the embassy. Explaining how someone had broken into their apartment and killed their cat. Not exactly what she expected to hear, regardless, she agreed and stayed with Connie until Steve returned. It was a whole fiasco with them trying to figure out who was responsible. But the situation was dealt with. Still, it understandably rattled the couple. 

Gathering up the multiple folders skewed across her desk, Elena stashed them into the desk drawers and left the embassy. On the walk to her car, she glanced down at her watch and cursed to herself. It was already 7:30 and she was due at Steve and Connie’s for dinner at 6:30. Steve had invited her and Javier over at the insistence of Connie. But Steve knew the workload was a lot today. Hopefully, they’ve been keeping themselves occupied. 

Elena didn’t bother changing clothes once she got to the complex. She merely jogged up the stairs to Connie and Steve’s apartment. Luckily, she arrived just in time. She was guided to the table by Steve, where Javier had already found his perch, and Connie offered her a glass of wine. She took it without hesitation. The dinner started off well. Javier spent a good amount of time sharing a few stories. Some he hadn’t even told Elena yet. Then, Connie and Steve spent about fifteen minutes sharing details of their lives. Steve indulged her and Javier about how he had met Connie. A quite impressive story, really.

“You put down your real number?” Elena asked.

Connie took a drink from her glass, shrugging and smiling at the question. “I thought I’d take a shot, he didn’t know that it was my real number.”

“Yeah, not until I called that night.”

Elena shook her head and smirked, “Well, look at you two. A real modern love story indeed.” 

“And what about you, Elena?” 

“Oh,” Elena waved off Connie’s question. “I don’t have any kind of relationship stories like that.” Most of her relationships were impulsive ones, never ones that were to be taken seriously.

“That’s a bummer, but I was talking about yourself.” Connie paused briefly to think of a question. “Do you have any siblings?” 

Oh right, it got to that part of the conversation. She always felt awkward with telling facts about herself to people. She had been rather selective with Javier when she first transferred. Sharing only simple things that were easy to digest. “Yeah, I have an older brother. A few cousins but, other than that, it’s a pretty small family.” 

“Where you from?” 

“New York.” Memories of her childhood came flooding back. It almost felt like a smack across the face. “Both my grandparents immigrated from Spain in the early ’20s. Dad worked as a mechanic and mom was a nurse.” Both normal and commendable jobs.

Connie seemed to be thinking the same thing. “Then, led you to end up being a DEA agent?” 

“A friend of mine, she had a cousin who was working as a federal agent. He’d share a few things with us,” she shrugged, using her fork to push around the food on her plate. “I guess I liked the idea. So after graduating from college, I went for it. Worked my ass off to get there.” She couldn’t stress the last bit enough. Connie was quick to catch on and she raised her glass to her. “And then Nixon signed the proposition in ‘73. I continued to work my way through the department. My supervisor thought I would be good at it.” She glanced across the table, finding Javier’s eyes were on her, his lips stretched in the softest smile. It actually made her heart beat faster. 

“When did you come down here?” Connie had grabbed the wine bottle and started to refill everyone’s glasses. 

Elena’s eyes remained on Javier, the answer dancing around her tongue for a moment. “About eight months ago.” She raised her fork and pointed it at the man across from her. “It was hell working with that one the first few months.” 

Javier brows creased in mock hurt, it made everyone at the table chuckle. “It wasn’t that bad.” 

“I beg to differ, he was a know-it-all hot head,” she reached for her glass, pausing briefly to shrug her shoulders. “Still is a little bit.” 

“Takes one to know one, right?” Javier’s smile grew. 

She could hear Connie and Steve snicker at Javier’s statement. And she tried to suppress the grin that appeared but failed, miserably. Elena bunched up her napkin and tossed it at him. He swatted it away before reaching into his pocket for his cigarettes. And for the first time in the last week, she finally saw him relax. His shoulders no longer hunched with tension, tired eyes were now lively. She was glad to see it. But it didn’t take long for it to slowly deplete again. He didn’t really engage in their conversations unless a question was directed at him. Elena wasn’t sure if Connie or Steve could sense it, but it was ringing loud and clear for her. This is what happens when he allows himself to get so caught up in his thoughts.

Before they knew it, it had already reached past 11:00 and with all of them expected at work in the morning, they decided to call it a night. Javier was the first to leave as Elena was exchanging final sentiments with Connie. She has already taken a great liking to the young woman. Vouching that they needed to have dinner again, and perhaps another time for just the two of them. Connie agreed wholeheartedly. 

Another hasty goodbye between the women, an ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ to Steve, and Elena was making her way down the stairwell. She pulled out her keys and strolled up to her apartment door. After what happened in Steve’s apartment, she found herself glancing over her shoulder a couple of times. The fucking American Embassy owned this building. One would think it would have better security. But of course, it doesn’t. As she began to mess with the locks, she turned her head to look at Javier’s door down the hallway. She paused to glance down at her watch then hummed to herself. There’s no way he’s asleep. He didn’t have much of a sleep schedule anyway, despite her telling him to get one. 

She pushed open the door, stripped off her blazer and hung it on the coat rack. Then, she ventured into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge, pulled out two beers, then walked out of her apartment. She made the short trek down the hall and knocked on the door. Careening her head towards the door, she could hear calm footsteps approaching. When the lock was being fumbled with, she stepped back. The door opened enough for her to see Javier’s face peering out and he looked a little confused. In response, she raised the two beer bottles and smiled. “Beer talk.” 

Javier huffed out a breath, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know it’s getting late.” 

“Huh,” her head tilted to the side in thought. “Since when did you really care about how late it is.” She saw a ghost of a smile returning but it never made a full appearance. 

Javier silently regarded her, he had the mind to tell her he was too tired. That he’d rather try and force himself to sleep. But the expectant smile on her face was enough to win him over. He stepped back and opened the door enough for her to slide in. “Not gonna lie, I was starting to get a headache about halfway through dinner.” Javier declared as he lazily walked into the kitchen. 

“Well, then it’s a good thing I’m here.” Elena used her foot to kick the door closed, then followed her partner into the kitchen. “This should help you sleep tonight.” 

Javier turned and leaned up against the counter, his hand washed down the side of his face, he barely managed to stifle a yawn. There was a part of her that did feel bad. He looked like shit. She knew that he hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past week. And with how bloodshot his eyes were, it was safe to say that his body was currently hating him for it. 

She rolled onto her tiptoes a few times, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “If you really don’t feel good, I can leave, Javi.” She offered, her voice quiet and timid. “I just know this past week… you’ve been a little down.” Was that the right term to use? “I just thought maybe you’d want to talk.” 

He appeared somewhat grateful. It was hard to tell given how tired he looked. Regardless, he shook his head and took the beer bottles from her. Elena sat on the counter next to him and took the bottle that was offered back to her. She allowed him to simmer in silence for a bit, her thumb tracing the rim of the bottle. It felt like she was going to set off a bomb for asking him, but she summoned the courage. 

“Have you gone to see her?” She eyed him carefully, seeing the reaction that washed over his face. 

Finally, he nodded. “Yeah, a couple of times.”

Elena exhaled a deep breath, not realizing that she had been holding it in. That was a promising start. “How’s she doing?” 

“As good as one might expect.” 

Elena really hoped that was the case. “Has the Ambassador signed off on her visa yet?” 

“Given that she didn’t have the info--” Javier stopped, digging his teeth into his bottom lip. He shook his head before taking a big drink from his bottle. “I’m gonna try and talk with her again tomorrow.”

She took that as her answer. Fuck. “Don’t blame yourself, Javi.” Now, she felt like she was walking a very fine line with continuing to talk about it. 

“She was trying to get info because I asked her to.” 

“She made the choice to help you.” Elena clarified. “You didn’t force her to do anything. It’s not your fault and it’s not her fault either. The people whose fault it is… they’re dead. As they should be.” A rather grim declaration to make. But these were men who would gladly commit atrocious crimes for the right price. Who felt they were above everyone else. That they could treat everyone like shit. These people didn’t have an ounce of empathy from her. And if the average person experienced some of the things she’s seen down here, they would have the same fucked up outlook on life. 

In an unguarded moment, Elena thought back to Cristina. The promise she had made to keep her safe and get her into the states as fast as possible. She had given Elena a tip that would have led them to one of Escobar’s sicarios. Word got out of the tip and delivered to Escobar. It happened so fast. Elena was on the other side of town following up on another lead, while Javier was the one who went to Cristina’s residence. He was the one who had to tell Elena what had happened. Something that he would never forget. 

The corners of Elena’s lips twitched at the memory. A pit formed in her stomach causing her to finally take a drink from her beer. “You know the ones we take in as informants… they know it’s dangerous. They know that there’s always the possibility that it could catch up to them. And we can try to protect them as much as we can. But… there’s only so much we can do.” She glanced over at Javier, seeing that he was taking in her words, mulling over them. It’s never possible to fully protect another human being. “You got to her in time. She’s alive. And, hopefully, she’s going to be fine.” 

She’s going to be fine. Yeah, he fucking hoped so. Javier silently stared down at the bottle in his hands before finishing off what was left. He eyed the empty bottle, not sure if it was all the alcohol he had drank tonight or the exhaustion, but the next words fell from his mouth before he could stop them. “You’re not responsible for what happened to Cristina either.” He cringed at himself the minute he said it. But he knew Elena well enough to know that the young woman has crossed her mind a few times this past week. How could she have not? 

There was an odd peace that fell over her upon hearing those words. Granted, he’s said those words to her multiple times in the last five months. Yet, somehow, they hit a different nerve after hearing them now. She had come to peace with what had happened. Did she still feel guilty? Of course. Cristina had two young children who got left behind. She only wanted a better life for her kids. Now, they were going to grow up without their mother. Elena knew that this guilt will never go away. She was going to live with it for the rest of her life. “I know.” She finally answered. “I’ve finally been able to come to terms with what happened with Cristina. And you will come to your senses with this too.” 

A thick silence followed soon after. The two of them normally don’t go this deep with their beer talks. Looking back, most of these talks involved with them throwing verbal punches at each other. Doing whatever it takes to rile the other one up. This talk was a big shift and she didn’t really mind it. And neither did Javier. Elena took a moment to check the time and it really was getting late. She scooted off the counter, took Javier’s empty beer bottle and disposed of it. Hers was still half full, she would finish it over at her apartment. She went to stand in front of him, he really looked to be on the verge of falling asleep right then. “I’m gonna head back.” 

He nodded silently. “Nice talk.” 

“I’m always here if you need it.” 

He chuckled. “You know I’m not really one to indulge in this kind of stuff.”

“I know,” she smiled. “But it helps, doesn’t it?” 

He didn’t answer her because she was right. It helps a lot. And she’s the only one who managed to get him to open up, even if it was only a little bit. 

She saw his eyes begin to close, and she had to admit, he looked kind of adorable. Dozing off like that. Elena raised a hand and pressed it against his cheek, effectively snapping him back to reality. His eyes were glazed over and unfocused when they found hers. But her hand remained in place, her thumb brushing against his cheek. “Get some sleep, Javi. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

That was new. That kind of physical contact. He wasn’t quite sure what warranted her to do it. But he’d be lying to himself if he said that he didn’t enjoy it. He felt himself barely lean into her touch just as she pulled her hand away. And he felt disappointed. A feeling that instantly confused him. It’s a good thing she didn’t notice it. Javier walked her to the door, trying to steady his heart. As she stepped out the door, Javier was finally able to gather his bearings. He peered his head out, watching as she made her way back to her apartment. “Goodnight, Ana.” 

Elena stopped in front of her apartment door and turned back to look at him. Her lips stretching into a smile at him using his nickname for her. “Goodnight, Javi.” 

With that, she disappeared into her apartment. 

Javier closed and locked his door. Then, headed straight for his bedroom. The entire way his hand had rubbed at the cheek where her hand had been. It suddenly felt cold. That sense of longing started to creep back into his stomach. He shook his head. God, what are you doing, Pena? Maybe tonight he will get some decent sleep because he definitely needs it. 

...........

tag list: @stevieharrrr​, @absurdthirst​, @caitlincat-95​, @mrsparknuts​, @valhallavalkyrie9​, @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​, (let me know if you want to be added!)

[orangeoctopi7]

History Repeats Itself

: Chapter 1 : Chapter 2 : Chapter 3 : Chapter 4 : Chapter 5 : Chapter 6 :

The boys resumed working on the Time Tape right away. Ford showed his brother how to carefully use the tiny file to grind off the excess bits of metal from the miniscule framework of circuitry. Once Stan got started on his own, the young genius got to work taking apart the Time Tape’s casing, and preparing to replace the circuitry. As they worked, the only sound was the scraping of the file and their mother taking the occasional call for her phone psychic business downstairs. 

Ford was trying to tease the damaged circuits out of their casing with the tweezers he’d used to clean the sand off the new circuits. After a few failed attempts, he threw them down in frustration.

“Where are my needle-nosed pliers!?” He shuffled through all the tools and parts that had accumulated on his desk.

Stan shrugged, then winced as his arm throbbed again.

When another few minutes of exasperated searching didn’t turn up anything, Ford decided to head back downstairs and see if there was a pair among their father’s tools.

“Hey, gimme another ice pack while you’re down there?” Stan requested. The ice bag he’d been using had become nothing more than a sweaty bag of lukewarm water.

“Sure.” Ford nodded as he left the room.

Since the bag no longer soothed his aching arm, Stan picked it up and plopped it into their trash bin before resuming his task of filing down the new circuitry. The water from the bag coated his fingers, making his grip slippery. The next time his right arm throbbed with pain, his fingers twitched, and the file slipped out of his hand. He instinctively grabbed it with his left hand… and snapped the circuitry he was holding in half in the process.

Stan just stared down at his hands blankly for a couple of seconds before what he’d done sunk in. “...Crap…” he breathed. His stomach twisted and his heart rate skyrocketed. Way to go, screw-up, you’ve ruined one of your brother’s important projects yet again!

No. No, this wasn’t going to be like that. Stan looked around frantically, for a place to hide the evidence, for an escape route, he wasn’t sure. Then his eyes fell on the soldering iron. Of course! After thirty years of rebuilding the Portal, he knew how to use one of those! He could still fix it! Sure, Ford had said it was too big for such delicate work, but Stan was willing to try anything at this point.

He laid the circuitry back down in the sand mold as carefully as his shaking hands would allow. It wasn’t a perfect fit, many of the sand grains had been picked away by the first molding, but it would have to do for now. He held the soldering spool and the hot iron just a few millimeters above the first break in the circuitry. He tried to hold his hands steady as a molten drop of metal dripped into the sand, but his emotions were running away with him. His thoughts kept on circling, screw-up, screw-up, screw-up, repeating on an endless loop in his head. His breath was coming in irregular gasps, and his vision was blurring. Instead of sealing the break, the drop of metal was just a couple of millimeters off target.

“C-c’mon!” Stan grunted, sticking the tip of the soldering iron into the molten drop and dragging it to the break in the circuit, like one would drag a fountain pen through a drop of ink. All he ended up doing was melting the metal on either side of the break.

“No. No! No no no!” Stan’s frustration and fear bloomed into anger, and he slammed the soldering iron down on the desk, leaving a scorch mark in the hard plastic surface and snapping the tip of the iron right off. He stared mutely at the smoldering tip as it slowly burned a hole in the carpet. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly?

His instincts were telling him to run, but what good would that do? He was still trapped in the past with Stanford, and he’d just sabotaged their chances of fixing the thing they needed to get home. How would Ford react when he found out?

It won’t be like with the science fair. The logical part of Stan’s brain reasoned. You’ve both learned from your mistakes and grown since then.

But Stan had never been very good at listening to the logical part of his brain. The rest of his brain could only remember all the times he’d messed up before, and how his life always seemed to start a death spiral from there.

He heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and froze. He’d run out of time.

“I’ve got your ice pack. Sorry I took so long, the needle-nosed pliers were all the way down in the pawn shop. I guess dad needed them to work on an old clock someone--” Ford stopped short when he took in the devastated expression on his brother’s face. “What happened?”

“I--I--” Stan stammered, struggling to form coherent words, much less describe what he’d done. “I’m sorry-- my hand slipped-- I didn’t mean to-- no, no excuses-- I tried to fix it, I swear!”

“Hey… hey, it’s ok.” Ford rushed forward and wrapped his brother in a hug.

“It’s not ok!” Stan cried. “We need to go home, and I just ruined the thing we need to do that!”

Ford glanced over his brother’s shoulder and took in the broken circuitry and the snapped soldering iron. He quickly unplugged the iron before it caught anything on fire, but then returned to comforting his brother. 

“Stanley, it’s ok, it was just an accident.”

Stan frowned down at the ground. “It’s always an accident.”

Ford gently took his brother by the shoulders. “It was delicate, I could have snapped it just as easily.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t. You didn’t break the iron either.” Stan held his head in his hands and gave a hollow laugh. “I could’ve burned the house down. That’d be a new low, even for me.”

“You need to stop beating yourself up so much. Nothing was broken that can’t be fixed.” Ford assured him. “I told you I can form the circuits again, it’ll only take a couple of days and a new soldering iron.”

Stan groaned. “Yeah, nothing that can’t be fixed except the school's property.”

Ford scoffed. “I literally could not care less about the school’s property.”

“And your desk.”

“Trust me, I’ve burnt plenty of holes of my own in that desk.”

Stan just swallowed back tears and leaned into his brother’s shoulder.

Ford patted his back awkwardly. “I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry I always got so irate all those other times, but I’ve learned my lesson since then.”

Stan was maybe on the verge of feeling better when they both heard the familiar sound of an oldsmobile pulling into the parking space behind the pawn shop. Filbrick was home, with his usual sense of timing. Ford could feel his brother tense in his arms.

“...Maybe he went out for drinks with the coach and he’ll just go straight to bed.” The young genius hoped. Thankfully their father was more of a sleepy drunk than an angry drunk.

The heavy footfalls coming up the stairs didn’t sound like a tired, drunken stagger. They heard a muted conversation between their parents, and then the footsteps continued up the second flight of stairs to their attic bedroom.

Ford held the ice pack up to Stan’s face.

“Wha-- Ford, what the heck?”

“It’ll mask any swelling or redness from… your hormone-induced emotional outburst.” They didn’t have time to argue over whether or not Stan had just been crying.

The heavy footsteps stopped, and the door swung open. Filbrick was barely an inch taller than them at this point, and yet his impassive face loomed over them like a colossus. 

“You two left without tellin’ me. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“Not worried enough to come looking for us, apparently.” Ford answered flippantly. 

“I had to go use the payphone to call your Ma when neither of you came back in time for the Somners fight!” He informed them. “So not only did I spend money I shouldn’t’ve had to, I cut into her precious client time. You know she can’t take customers during the day anymore because of the baby!”

“Oh…” Ford had forgotten about that particular detail. “Sorry.” He was mostly sorry for his mother. “It was my fault, I was really anxious to get back to my science fair project.”

“And you,” Filbrick turned to Stan, who quickly lowered the ice from his face. “You left without collectin’ your pay! What kind of imbecile does that!? I had to collect it for you.”

“Oh, heh, whoops!” Stan forced on his best con man smile. “Guess I must’ve hit my head one too many times in the ring.”

“How many times have I got to tell you boys?” Filbrick shook his head. “All the brains or charm in the world can’t buy you a meal in your stomach or a roof over your head. What’s it gonna take for you two to man up and start takin’ your futures seriously?”

The two brothers remained silent, both knowing better than to try and answer this rhetorical question. Still, the irony was not lost on them. 

“Well, since you’re obviously not responsible enough to handle this money on your own, I think I’ll hang onto those winnings I picked up for you. Taking out the cost of the payphone, any potential revenu your mother might’ve lost while I was on the phone with her, and a holder’s fee, there should be just enough left for me to pay off your parking ticket.”

“Th-thanks, dad.” Stan said meekly.

“Don’t thank him, he’s taking money that’s rightfully yours!” Ford said indignantly.

“Ford!” Stan hissed, elbowing his brother hard in the ribs. He cast a wary glance up at their father. “H-he didn’t mean it!”

Filbrick stared down his rebellious son, his expression as unreadable as ever behind his dark glasses. Ford glared right back, unwavering.

“Let me clear something up for you, smart guy.” Fibrick growled. “You live under my roof. My sons. My dependents. So until you two turn 18, any money either of you make is technically mine. You’re just lucky me and your Ma make enough that we don’t need to take any of it from you.”

Stan squeezed his brother’s arm tightly and whispered in his ear. “Ford, please, don’t. Just let it go. Please.” He wasn’t sure if he was pleading with his brother not to correct their father’s grammar, or his understanding of how parental stewardship and dependents worked. Thankfully, Ford lowered his gaze and nodded.

Filbrick nodded stoically back. “And clean this room up, it smells like burnt plastic in here.”

[numba99]

The Intern - Part 7

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Summary: You are an intern at MSG, strictly forbidden to become involved in with any of the Rangers players. However, this becomes difficult when you catch the eye of a certain player. Word count: 2k

Warnings: none, this is the second to last part though!! and I wrote this kinda quick I'm so sorry if there are typos towards the end don’t hate me

Things were finally looking up. Were they perfect? No, you imagined the next few months staying away from Lias would be hard. However, knowing at the end of it there would be a chance to make it work was enough to make you giddy.

So giddy that you didn’t notice how Beth barely returned your hello when you walked in this morning. Nor did you notice her tone when she asked you to meet her in her office in five minutes. If your head hadn’t been in the clouds, thinking about what could be in a few months from now, you may have been a little more prepared to walk into her office and see-

“Lias,” you heard yourself gasp. He was sitting at one of the chairs of her desk, looking like a kid that called down to the principals office.

“Have a seat,” Beth said sternly. Your stomach dropped. She knew. But how? Did someone tell? Did Lias tell? No, he wouldn’t, not after your talk. He wouldn't do something so shitty to you, you knew that. “Do you two know why you’re here?”

You both remained silent. Of course you knew, but what the hell were you going to say? You couldn’t show your hand until you knew exactly what she knew and how much detail.

Beth reached into her desk and pulled out two photos, which she placed down in front of the two of you. It was pictures of you when you went out to talk. One was through the window of the coffee shop and the other was you two hugging on the steps. 

“How did you get these?” Lias asked what you were thinking. Your stomach churned at the thought of someone watching you and taking pictures without you even knowing. 

“They were posted on a Ranger’s blog that I found while looking for something for a story,” Beth replied, “But the bigger problem is that these even exist. Care to explain why you’re blatantly breaking my rules?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” you blurted out.

“Please, y/n, don’t bull shit me,” Beth replied flatly. 

“It wasn’t anything, seriously,” Lias jumped in, “We are friends and we went out for coffee. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is I have rules for my interns not to spend alone time with any of the players and y/n went behind my back and did it anyways,” Beth said, turning to you and shaking her head. You felt tears pressing at the back of your eyes, but the last thing you wanted to do was cry right now. You knew Beth would not take kindly to that.

“I’m sorry I-”

“Save it, I don’t want any excuses. I’ve seen the way you two interact. I thought it was just a close professional bond, but now seeing this... I’m sensing something more is going on between the two of you. I can tell when I’m being lied to. I trusted you a lot and you broke that. I’m going to have to let you go,” Beth told you.

“What! You can’t do that,” Lias snapped.

“I’m sorry but that’s not up to you,” she said.

��I’ll quit, I’ll change teams, whatever, I don't know, but you can’t she needs this,” Lias stumbled over his words as he defended you. You were trying to focus on your breath, feeling you were right on the edge of a panic attack.

“You know you can’t do that, Lias,” Beth replied, unamused by his efforts, “You can go now.” Her and Lias stared at each other for a few moments, before Lias turned to you.

“Just go,” you mumbled. Lias let out a heavy sigh, and you swore you heard an “I'm sorry,” under his breath. The silence in the room after he left was so heavy. You wished you could shrivel up and just die right there. Beth must have sensed how awful it was making you feel because she sat with it for some time.

“In three days the team will have an off day. You can come in then when no one is around and get your things,” Beth told you, “You can leave now.” 

You got up, wordlessly and headed for the door. You were afraid If you spoke you wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. However, right before you left you said, “I’m really sorry.”

“I am too,” Beth replied, “I’ve never been so disappointed.” And with that, you left, managing to keep your tears in until you were back on the street.

____

The next three days were a tortuously slow whirlwind. With crying, lots of crying. It had turned a bit into a pity party, which made you feel pathetic, but you couldn’t help it. At least Jess indulged your moping, never making you feel bad about being a mess.

Between your crying and staring blankly a the wall wondering how your life could have blown up like this, you were desperately searching for an alternative internship placement. You hadn't told your school yet that you were leaving... or getting fired. You thought if you could find something else you could smooth it over by saying it wasn’t a good fit to your schedule or something and it wouldn’t raise many eyebrows. However, at this stage in the game, any placements were already taken, and you wondered how you would explain to an potential supervisor.

“Why are you coming to us months into the semester? A little late isn’t it?”

“Well you see, I was caught having a romantic relationship with one of the players, breaking the only real rule given to me.”

Yeah, that would go over well. With each day that passed, you felt more hopeless. Lias texted you. And called you. You wanted to talk to him, but you just couldn’t. You weren't mad at him, he wasn’t at fault. It was the rule you broke after all and he stood up for you in Beth’s office when you couldn’t find the words. However, talking to him, facing everything that was going on just felt like too much. 

You did manage to text him a short message that you were okay (ha!) and that you would talk to him when you had things figured out because you owed him that much. You tossed your phone away before you could tempt yourself with reading any of the messages he left.

There was a brick in your stomach when they day to clear out your desk finally came. You felt like you were going to your execution - dramatic, you knew - but you couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. The only saving grace was that none of the players would be there and that the office would be relatively quiet since it was an off day. With any luck you could get in and out and not have to interact with a single soul.

You managed to get into your office without any outside contact. You shut the door behind you, hoping no one would notice you were there. You bit back tears as you began to pack up your things into a tiny box. You were only there a short time, but it all felt so special. Partially because of the amazing experience and doing what you had dreamt of doing since you were a little girl, sitting wide-eyed watching the Rangers play... but partially because of Lias. 

You were realizing now that he meant a lot to you, more than you were letting yourself believe. He wasn’t just some guy you wanted to hook up with, he was a guy you wanted to be with. He had a way of making things feel special and exciting that no other lover was ever able to match.

Just as you were thinking you wish you could see him, the door to your office pushed open. You held your breath, thinking it might be Beth to scold again, but it was Lias. You let out a soft gasp, feeling like you somehow had conjured him.

“I hope I’m not bothering you,” he said. He eyed you sympathetically, his soft blue eyes filling you with the greatest sense of peace in the last 72 hours. You couldn’t think of what to say, so you just flung your arms around him. He squeezed you tightly, almost to the point where you couldn’t breath, but you loved it.

“What are you doing here?” you asked when you finally managed to peel yourself away.

“I had to see you,” he replied, smiling faintly, before adding, “I also have something for you, but I gotta show you.” He took you by the hand and pulled you out of the office. You wanted to resist, feeling like you were most definitely pushing It by holding his hand, but what did you have to lose? You were already fired.

Lias led you down the hallway, towards the locker room. You wondered what he had that he had to show you here. When you stepped into the locker room, you were met by nearly the entire team Your brows furrowed in confusion. Had you miscounted the days in your stupor and came in the wrong time?

Before you could speak, a familiar voice asked what you were thinking, “What is this?” You spun around to find Beth being led into the room by Mika. 

“We’re all here for y/n,” Lias spoke up, “We don’t want her fired.” Lias stood in front of them all. There were players, such as Fil and Kaapo, that you’d only talked to on occasion. They were nice, but you weren’t close with them like you were with Mika or even Chris. You were surprised, but incredibly moved that they were there in support of you.

“That’s not yo-” Beth tried to speak, but she was cut off.

“But it is,” Lias replied firmly, “No one has been so kind to us all. All you reporters care about is the story, y/n cared about us. She made us all feel special. MSG is as much her home as it is ours, and we won’t play if she isn’t here to ask the questions after.” Everyone nodded in agreement as Lias spoke.

“Seriously?” Beth questioned.

“Seriously,” Mika replied, putting his arm around Lias, “No one should be punished for caring about someone. We all know how great y/n is, she isn’t going to let anything get in the way of that, romantic relationship or not. Let her stay, or you can explain to everyone else why we are suddenly forfeiting games.” 

Beth was shocked, and honestly you were too. You couldn't believe they were all doing this for you. You didn’t feel worthy, but you were eternally grateful, even if it didn’t work. The longer the room was in silence, the more you thought Beth was going to tell them no deal, but finally she relented.

“Fine, y/n can stay.” The room erupted in cheers, and you couldn’t help but let out a squeal yourself. Beth seemed displeased, speaking directly to you, “We are going to talk about this tomorrow. Be here your normal time.”

The second she left the room, Lias’s arms were around you, spinning you around in a tight hug. You giggled, feeling absolutely on top of the world, even though you were sure you were in for it tomorrow. You didn’t care, though, you’d rather be miserable with an internship than miserable without one.

“Lias I... I can't believe you did this,” you gushed, “I can’t even thank you enough.”

“You don’t have to,” Lias smiled, “You deserve this. More than anyone I know.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and for the first time you kissed him without any concern in the world. That pulled a few “oohs” from the younger players. You and Lias chuckled as Mika and Chris shooed them from the room.

“This internship is the best thing that ever happened to me,” you sigh, brushing the golden locks out of Lias’s eyes.

“Because it led to meeting some stupid boy?” he teased, though he didn’t realize how right he was.

“No,” you replied, “because it brought me to you.”

[tavi-hayes]

background fic ~ the court trial

((so here is a little fic (which had been written long before the practice challenge prompt was posted, oops. but now that Tavi mentioned her dad’s jail situation to Arin, I think it’s time to provide some background info about the cause of a lot of her problems). it’s written in her dad’s pov (caspar hayes) also please excuse me if i don’t use the correct words and phrases, i literally know nothing about court trials so google helped me. also it’s short but like has everything of importance in it! enjoy, if you decide to read it!))

[4th of April, 2084]

“The witness is excused,” judge Laurenson says as mister McClan leaves the stand. “The prosecution may call the next witness.”

“The People call mister Hayes.”

I stand up and walk over to the microphone. Everyone’s eyes are on me, which is not a foreign feeling for me. Though this is nothing like performing in front of a packed jazz club, where everyone has come to enjoy your music. Besides I don’t have my buddy Jimmie next to me right now. No, he is sitting there next to the judge, surrounded by 2 policemen.

“Please raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

As I turn my focus to the judge sitting there with his expensive-looking wig and perfectly ironed black robes, Jimmie shoots me a small but hopeful smile. My story will clear up this whole mess. We’ll be able to go home and forget this ever happened.

I raise my right hand, “I do.”

“Please state your first and last name.”

“Caspar Hayes.”

“Now please sir, tell us what happened in the late afternoon on March the 27th.”

“Jimmie and I were rehearsing in The Orange Note. You see we were booked for a performance there later that evening and we had to adjust the mics, the lights and the speakers. This is very important, the audience...”

“Very interesting mister Hayes, but there are plenty of other details we’re more interested in,” the loud voice of the prosecutor cuts me off midsentence. “At what time did you arrive?”

“Well, I never check the time down to the minute but we usually arrive between 4 and 5 PM.”

The prosecutor sighs, “can you be any more specific?”

I try to recall that day. We had taken the bus to downtown Winnipeg. On the weekends that specific bus is only scheduled every hour. When I left the house Viola was just watching the news, which always begins exactly at 4PM. The bus ride takes about 30 minutes, which means we arrived at the jazz venue at … “4.35 PM, that’s when we arrived at The Orange Note.”

“And when you arrived you went straight to the stage, or did you run into someone on the way?”

“We were welcomed by the owner, mister McClan, but we went directly to the stage yes. We didn’t see anyone else on our way.” I look over to Jimmie and see him nodding at me, indicating that I’m correct. My memory never fails me.

“Please continue mister Hayes,” the prosecutor sits down again.

“Uhm, so we went to the stage and we did the sound checks for that evening. We rehearsed a couple of songs and …”

The prosecutor interrupts me again, “did you see anyone else in the jazz venue while you were there?”

“No, like I said we only saw mister…”

“And in your time being there did you and mister split up at some point?”

I shake my head, “not that I know of.”

“So you and mister Davis were together the whole time you were there? None of you used the bathroom, or went for a smoke?”

“Well,” I wring my hands together, realizing what the prosecutor is trying to do, “yes, Jimmie went to use the bathroom.”

“And when was this?”

“Uhm around 6 PM I think, we were just about to get some dinner.”

“And you didn’t go with him?” the prosecutor pushes on.

“No I mean, do you follow your friends to the bathroom?”

“And how long was mister Davis away?”

“I didn’t time it…”

“Please, could you estimate his time in the bathroom?”

“Uhm, I – uh,” I look over at Jimmie again.

The prosecutor doesn’t wait for my answer, “and when mister Davis returned, did you notice something different about him?”

“I uh, he – we had to be quick, our performance was starting at 7 PM. And the audience…”

“So he said you had to leave the venue quickly?”

“Yes, but the time,” I start, “the show, we didn’t have long.”

The prosecutor nods his head towards the judge, a sly smile on his face. “That’s all, your Honour.”

I look around dumb-founded as the prosecutor sits down.

Judge Laurenson begins, “the defendant, mister Davis, is accused of selling weapons in The Orange Note.” He picks up his hammer, “by the power vested in me by the Illéan Law Federation, I hereby declare the defendant guilty.” The hammer drops. Pang.

The policemen pull Jimmie to a stand and handcuff him. “Jimmie…” I call to him.

Jimmie raises his head, there’s terror in his eyes. “Caspar,” his voice breaks, “I would never...”

This is nothing like Jimmie, I’ve known the guy since we were children. He is the kindest man on the planet. He would never get himself in this situation.

Truth is we belong to one of the lower Castes, the Fives, but we make enough money with our performances in The Orange Note to make a living. Jimmie wouldn’t have any reason to sell weapons. And how on earth did he get a hold on weapons in the first place?

This must be a set-up.

The policemen are leading Jimmie out of the courtroom. I want to run over to him and stop those men from taking him anywhere, but my daughter has made her way to my side. She pulls my arm, “dad, don’t do anything stupid. Justice always prevails in the end,” she smiles a little, “we’ll get back at these ignorant people.”

With my daughter next to me, I join my beautiful family. My wife, Viola, takes my hand.

As we walk towards the door, a voice calls to us. More specifically, to me. “Mister Hayes, there is one more thing before you go.”

I turn around and notice judge Laurenson, his hammer in his right hand. New policemen have entered the courtroom.

These policemen look different than the ones that took Jimmie. These policemen are wearing helmets with see-through screens in front of their faces. They are fully equipped for a battle.

They remind me of those posh-looking palace guards.

My eye catches on a subtle shimmer: handcuffs.

Viola has seen it too, she squeezes my hand.

“Mister Hayes, someone has reached out to us,” the judge’s voice carries through the courtroom, “with a very serious charge.”

I turn away from the judge and face my wife and children, they look as confused as I feel.

What is going on now?

The judge continues, “and the evidence we found, pft, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”

Viola has turned white, just like a fresh new piece of sheet music.

“Because of the strong evidence and the seriousness of the crimes, you are no longer entitled to the right of a fair court trial.”

I go absolutely still. They can’t have anything against me. They can’t.

“You are an extreme danger for our society.”

Because I didn’t do anything.

“I hereby declare you, mister Hayes, guilty of an armed robbery and the murder of former mayor Wilfred Wallis. I charge you with a 45-year sentence which will be served in Silverbay Maximum Security Prison.” And the hammer drops. Pang.

The policemen charge forward within the blink of an eye.

My wife is ripped away from me. Her scream pierces my very soul.

Before I can do so much as blink, the policemen have handcuffed me. I can do nothing but walk with them as they push me towards the doorts. Out of the courtroom and away from my family.

“No! DAD!”

Octavia’s scream gives me the strength I need to rip my left side free from the policemen. I turn around and see my family standing there.

My oldest, Daniel, kneeling on the floor with his arms around my youngest ones, Aria and Arlan.

Viola is screaming and crying.

And Octavia, being hold back by a policeman. She’s trashing, she’s crying but the guy won’t budge.

The only thing I see is my family. Being left behind.

I don’t see one of the policemen grab something.

I don’t see the taser.

Bzzz.

***

[nuttyrabbit]

Sonic Forces Thoughts

The title may seem a bit strange, given that the game is 3 years old already, and I’ve given my thoughts on the story plenty of times before as well as shared those of others, but I wanted to make this post because I decided to actually sit down and play Sonic Forces front to back for the first time since the game was on sale on the Nintendo Switch Eshop for a stupidly cheap price (10 dollars as of the time of this post)

Now that I’ve actually beaten the game and seen pretty much all the game has to offer (outside of Episode Shadow), I might as well give my thoughts on it.

On the whole, the best way to describe Sonic Forces is “mediocre”, because almost everything about it is just mediocre. The story, the  music (which kills me to say), the level design, everything about the game just reeks of unfiltered mediocrity.   It’s not terrible, but it’s not good either, it’s just kinda....there.

Now I could leave it there but I actually want to go into detail, so I’ll break it down into a couple of sections to get my thoughts out in an organized way under the readmore, starting with 

STORY:  As I said at the start of the post, I’ve said my piece about the story many times over and agreed with the thoughts of others on that matter, so I’ll keep this quick. 

The story feels incredibly undercooked and doesn’t even come close to fulfilling its potential, especially when it comes to Infinite. Holy shit I could spend 2 hours ranting about how much wasted potential this fucking character is on a story and gameplay level but at this point it’s beating a dead horse.  

The characters and their characterization is generally fine (except Tails holy shit what did they do to you) but like Infinite, they feel grossly underutilized and feel like they’re there for the sake of it rather than because they contribute anything of meaning. 

I don’t have much else to say other than that the story shares a common problem with the rest of the game in that it is very short. Like, I got Forces yesterday and I beat it in the span of what? 5 or 6 hours? As such, the story feels incredibly rushed because of that.  This segues into my next topic 

Gameplay:  This is a bit of a broad topic but I’ll break it down into something manageable, going from general to specific

Difficulty: Starting with difficulty, Forces is, for the most part, an incredibly easy game. The game defaults to the “hard” difficulty but it should really be called “normal” because nothing in this game will give you too much trouble (at least for reasons of actual difficulty). The boss fights, especially the final one, are pitifully easy and simplistic, especially if you use the Burst Wisp. Seriously, that thing destroys all the Avatar bosses with no issue. As such, the incredibly low difficulty makes the games’ length that much more noticeable, which speaking of

Length: The game, as I’ve said before, is incredibly short. I beat it in 5-6 hours but you could easily beat it in around 3 or 4. There’s 30 stages plus the Episode Shadow stuff and some bonus stages you unlock with Red Rings, but almost all of them are laughably short, the longest of them clocking in at around 4 or 5 minutes and the shortest being barely a minute and a half (the bonus stages are ~45 seconds long).  The only time I spent more than 5 minutes in a level is if I repeatedly died on a certain part, which happened only once or twice and for reasons I will get into.   It somehow feels shorter than Mania, a game that was sold for half the price initially and has less levels.

Controls: Next up is the controls and holy shit this is where the bulk of my complaints lie.  I don’t know how, but Classic and Modern Sonic control noticeably worse than they did in Generations or pretty much any other Classic or Boost game.  

Classic Sonic feels incredibly heavy, making each platforming section feel less I’m controlling Sonic the Hedgehog and more like I’m controlling an immobile brick.  That’s not even getting into how badly they fucked up his physics. The fact that this came out months after Mania is laughable.

Modern Sonic on the other hand, feels way too loose.  Whether it be in 3D or 2D, I feel like I’m barely in control of him when I start to gain speed, and there’s been multiple times where I careened off a cliff despite steering him away from it. It’s made even worse by the fact that for some fucking reason, they took away the drift, something that’s been in I think every 3D boost game since Unleashed.

They also gave Modern a double jump, but the double jump is so worthless and heavy that it’s gotten me killed more times than it’s actually helped me. It feels so stiff and awkward to use and combined with Modern’s loose controls, most of my deaths in this game came from Modern deciding to just randomly plummet into a pit because  I couldn’t correct a jump or he just slid off the edge of a runway for no good reason. Stage 27 is the best example of what I’m talking about because holy shit.

Finally there’ the Avatar, and he probably controls the best of the three, so I don’t have too many complaints on that end other than the fact that his jumps are incredibly slow and floaty.

Level design:  As I said before, most levels are incredibly short, being over pretty much as soon as they begin.  The design in the levels themselves is at best momentarily interesting (The 2nd Modern level for instance), and at worst is absolutely atrocious and terrible (Whoever decided to put an autoscroller in a Sonic level is just awful). and most of the time it just evens out to being incredibly boring and forgettable. This isn’t helped by the fact that most of the levels themselves are either throwbacks to previous games,  generic cityscapes covered in white or on fire, or that ugly, ugly jungle aesthetic.  There’s no levels in this game that really wowed me aesthetically or on a gameplay level. Hell, I can barely remember the names of most of the levels 

Music: The music in this game ranges from forgettable (most of the Modern tracks) to skullfuckingly awful (Every. Single. Classic. Song). Though that being said, I did like a couple of the Avatar themes, and the vocal tracks (Fist Bump, Infinite’s Theme, Light of Hope) were all pretty decent, though not nearly on the same level as prior games.  This is probably the most forgettable soundtrack in all of 3D Sonic. Even Lost World had more memorable and interesting tracks than this. 

Avatar:  I already talked about my grievances and thoughts on Modern and Classic in the control section, but I wanted to give the Avatar his own section because it’s easily the best part of the game.  Getting new gear for your Avatar and customizing them is admittedly really fun,  and I had a good time making my new OC Kick the Dog (do not steal).  The Wispons give a decent amount of variety and replayability to the levels that the other playstyles don’t have (Red Rings do dick in this game other than unlock clothes and EX levels which are so insignificant they ain’t worth it) and their levels are easily the most fleshed out and interesting of the bunch.    If I ever come back to Forces, it’ll probably be to replay Avatar levels

Content:  This game has barebones content, with the most pressing things outside of the main levels being Episode Shadow (which is 3 stages long), the bonus levels (pitifully short), the SOS missions (replay the levels again), and collecting the red rings/ silver moons/ whatever (Only unlocks more clothes and bad bonus levels).  Compared to something like Generations, which was also pretty short but had a lot of side content and unlockables that made it worth coming back to, and something like Mania which is packed to the brim with content and replayability, Forces is just kind of pathetic.  

Graphics:  One thing I’ll give the game is that the pre-rendered cutscenes and even some of the real time cutscenes look really damn good, at least aesthetically. Character animations still leave a lot to be desired though. The in-game graphics look fine. Nothing great but not terrible.  Keep in mind I played it on Switch so that could easily affect things, but generally the game looked....okay.

FINAL THOUGHTS:  As I said before,  Sonic Forces is the definition of “mediocre”. It’s a completely unremarkable game from start to finish, and most of what it does is done better by just about any other competent 2D or 3D Sonic game.  The  Avatar is fun and interesting and I want the playstyle to make a return, but that isn’t enough to save the game from being incredibly mediocre and just plain forgettable.   

If you really want to try Forces out yourself, I’d recommend getting it at a deep, deep discount. I got it at around 10 dollars and I’d say it’s worth between 10 and 20 dollars. Do not pay full price for this game. 

But otherwise, just skip it.