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gotmymindsetonyou · 4 years

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The Best and Worst Things About Each MCU Movie

These are all just my stinky opinions. You are allowed to disagree, you are allowed to agree. Most of these are jokes anyway. I’m honestly just happy you’re reading this. Minor Spoilers Ahead!

Iron Man (2008) -

Best: This movie almost perfectly sets the tone for the entire universe that has at that point yet to have been created. Looking back, you can imagine the feeling of “Where are they going to go from here?” and I think that’s one of the most important things that this movie needed to accomplish.

Worst: What the fuck is Jeff Bridges doing? What’s his endgame here? I get he’s trying to take over Stark Industries but how’s he gonna do that from inside that giant metal suit he uses to kill people inside their cars?

Incredible Hulk (2008) -

Best: Tim Roth is in it and I think that is pretty cool.

Worst: I haven’t actually seen it, but the cgi looks god awful, what the hell.

Iron Man 2 (2010) -

Best: Sam Rockwell is so goddamn annoying in this movie and I think that’s amazing, he’s such a little stinker.

Worst: I remember basically nothing else about this movie except some guy talking about birds, idk.

Thor (2011) -

Best: It introduces Loki, probably one of the most beloved villains in the entire franchise.

Worst: This movie is so goddamn boring and it’s my least favorite and I hate it. Don’t @ me.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) -

Best: The first good chunk of this movie is actually a really compelling character study on Steve Rogers and what makes him a good man. Seeing him basically being paraded as this propaganda figure and watching him struggle with this is one of the most compelling things about him as a person. Really wish they kept this up for the entire movie.

Worst: The red skull is really boring guys. He’s red, that’s it. Give me something else to work with man.

Marvel’s The Avengers (2012) -

Best: This movie proved that you can have a superhero team up with this many people and have it fucking work. It doesn’t matter if you hate or love this movie, you cannot deny the effects it has on the genre.

Worst: It’s shot like a bad CW show. It looks so ugly.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

Best: This one is actually my favorite of the bunch. Exploring the question of what makes Iron Man, the suit or the person, is shown really well here. I thoroughly dig it.

Worst: That scene where Harley flip flops about whether or not he really knows Tony makes me so irrationally angry.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Best: It’s slightly better than Thor, and I actually can feel myself start to have a good time whenever Loki’s on screen.

Worst: Once again, this movie is insanely forgettable. Christopher fucking Eccleston is in this movie and I could not tell you a single thing about this character.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) -

Best: This movie has one of the best hand-to-hand fight scenes in the entire MCU. You know the one I’m talking about. It gives me chills, I love it.

Worst: Having the government stand-in that Steve questions in the beginning of the movie actually be a front for N*zis that he can just beat up, and not an actual metaphor for the issues with the government today? You ain’t slick.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 1 (2014) -

Best: This is the mcu movie basically anyone can enjoy. Anybody can watch this movie and find something to love about it. The characters, the messages about family and learning to be okay with feeling love, the jokes, hell, even the space setting. THE MUSIC. It’s the full package baby.

Worst: Chris Pratt has an unfortunate cameo in this one.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) -

Best: I have a couple of things. A) The party scene where we get to watch the Avengers talk and be friends with each other and act like people. B) I love James Spader no matter what he is doing.

Worst: Why is everyone quipping? Why is the robot quipping? Why would they massacre my boy like that?

Ant-man (2015) -

Best: I want Paul Rudd to marry me, best dad in the mcu.

Worst: The moment Edgar Wright left this project.

Captain America: Civil War (2016) -

Best: Introduces two great characters, Spider-man and Black Panther. These two get a lot of love when it comes to designing their characters in this movie and it makes me very happy.

Worst: It made the fandom very unhappy and I don’t like picking sides. It feels like watching your many parents get divorced for two hours.

Doctor Strange (2016) -

Best: The magic looks really fucking cool in this movie. Also, the ending with Dormammu is up there for one of my favorite endings of an mcu movie. Having Doctor Strange actually outsmart the villain instead of actually fighting him is endlessly more satisfying.

Worst: Could not tell you a thing else about this movie other than I heard Tilda Swinton plays a character that’s probably not supposed to be white.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) -

Best: Guys, I gotta come clean about something. I actually like this one better than Volume 1. I know, I know, a good majority of people do not feel this way, but I feel a lot more emotionally attached to the movie, and that’s mainly because of two characters: Yondu Udonta and Rocket Racoon. Rocket realizing that he’s an asshole but his found family still loves him gets me, man. I can’t help it. Helps that Ego is a great villain as well. Also the cinematography is some of the best in the mcu.

Worst: No Howard the Duck.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) -

Best: I think the best thing about this movie is just the solidness of it all. No one part stands out as the best because most everything about this movie is pretty damn good. Michael Keaton will knock your socks off, go watch it.

Worst: Donald Glover is in it to tease a Miles Morales reveal, BUT NOTHING HAS HAPPENED ABOUT IT SINCE.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017) -

Best: Taika Waititi knows how to do shit right, lemme tell ya. Taking away Thor’s hammer from the beginning was probably one of the smartest choices in the movie, and this is a movie of smart choices.

Worst: Jeff Goldblum isn’t in it more.

Black Panther (2018) -

Best: Erik Killmonger is easily the best villain in a Marvel movie, and you can quote me on that. An amazing performance from Michael B. Jordan. It’s also the first Marvel movie I saw in theatres (I know, I was very late to the game)

Worst: Everett K. Ross is CIA propaganda and the last fight scene on the train tracks looks like shit.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) -

Best: It’s really hard to sum up exactly what my thoughts are on this movie. I think one of the movie’s best qualities is the bigness of it. This movie feels huge, there’s a lot of different stuff to love here. If you like Wakanda, there’s a whole epic battle set in Wakanda. If you’re more a fan of the space stuff, we got a whole lotta space stuff. The best part of this movie is there’s probably gonna be something that everyone can enjoy packed in here.

Worst: I also think the bigness of this movie is also one of it’s larger weaknesses. Because there’s so much stuff in this movie, not all of it is fully fleshed out. Tony Stark gets a lot to do in this movie, but Steve Rogers sort of feels sidelined at parts. There’s a perfect balance that I don’t think was quite hit.

Ant-man and The Wasp (2018) -

Best: I still really love Paul Rudd in this movie, and I think his relationship with Cassie is still really cute. World’s Greatest Grandma indeed.

Worst: This movie really had its work cut out for itself, coming off the heels of Infinity War, so it sort of falls short in that respect. I don’t want to criticize it too harshly, it is what it is, nothing insanely memorable.

Captain Marvel (2019) -

Best: I still think this is a pretty good movie, despite what a lot of people think. I struggle a lot with believing that I have to prove myself to others, so having Carol finally realize that she doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone was really important to me, and probably a lot of other women.

Worst: There were parts where I wasn’t as engaged, like the scenes in the Kree empire. That made some of the movie feel off to me, it’s a bit unbalanced.

Avengers: Endgame (2019) -

Best: This movie 100% achieves what it sets out to do, and that is to be a huge cinematic event. I don’t even really see this movie as a movie, it’s more like one huge experience. My viewing had one of the most energetic crowds I’ve ever seen a movie with.

Worst: I don’t really think this movie holds up to multiple re-watches. Granted, I saw it in theatres three times. I don’t think any subsequent viewings are ever going to pack that same punch that my first viewing had, and that makes it harder to come back to. Also Steve had a totally lame ending.

Spider-man: Far From Home (2019) -

Best: After ending on such a downer note in the last movie, this felt like a weight being lifted off my chest. Jake Gyllenhaal gives an insanely energetic performance that I absolutely adore. (Also seeing it with my dad was fun, he would nudge me every time they switched locations to tell me he’d been there)(Also when I saw it with my sibling a kid ran out of the theatre during the Mysterio mind-fuck sequence, some just can’t handle that lifestyle)

Worst: Peter Parker and MJ remind me of how perpetually single I am.

#movie review #minor spoilers #mcu #marvel #marvel review

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trulyinspiringmovies · 5 years

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Spider-Man: Far From Home

“Spider-Man: Far From Home” was way better than I ever expected it to be and has me questioning whether or not it’s blasphemous to call this movie my favorite Spider-Man movie of all time.

After the devastating events of both “Avengers: Infinity War” and “Avengers: Endgame”, people are slowly piecing their lives back together. With that, Peter Parker is back in school and ready to win the heart of his classmate, MJ. Since there’s a trip to Europe happening soon, Peter plans on making his move there. Getting his plans accomplished, however, proves to be more difficult than he initially anticipated. With the arrival of new threats called, The Elementals, and a new superhero, Mysterio, Peter is called to action by Nick Fury even if it’s not what he wants to be doing.

My expectations for this movie started out at a midpoint. I wasn’t super excited for this movie after watching the first trailer, but I thought it was really cool that they were doing Mysterio in live-action. Then the reviews came out and everyone’s reaction was overwhelmingly positive. Then I watched the movie and I walked out of the theater thinking I had not had that much fun in theaters in a long time. This film is essentially a love letter to all Spider-Man fans. There are sequences in this film that had me jumping in my seat, screaming in my head “THAT IS SPIDER-MAN!!!”. The comedy in this film made my ribs hurt because I couldn’t breathe. The romance is actually really cute and sweet. It had me rooting for Peter the whole time and it never got stale. Jake Gyllenhaal is one of my favorite actors in film and his performance in this echoed his character from “Nightcrawler”. He elevates this already monumental film to a level that I don’t think I deserve to have seen for the price of only one movie ticket. This movie makes me feel like I watched it for a bargain even after paying for a full-price movie ticket. The visual effects in this film are insanely good. I might argue that it might be better than the latest Avengers movies. The mid-credit scene had my jaw on the floor because of the sheer awesomeness. Now, what I’m about to say might be considered controversial. I want to preface it by stating that I’ve seen all three Sam Raimi “Spider-Man” movies in theaters. I’ve watched the first “The Amazing Spider-Man” movie in theaters as well. I jumped in pure glee when the “Captain America: Civil War” trailer revealed Spider-Man was finally going to be a part of the MCU. I paid for two of my friends’ movie tickets and my own movie ticket because no one in my immediate vicinity was interested in paying to watch “Spider-Man: Homecoming”. I watched “Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse” more times than I can count. I’ve watched 10 hours of gameplay of the “Spider-Man PS4″ game because I don’t own a PS4. I think it’s safe to assume that I am a Spider-Man fan. The thing is, I’m still scared to say that this film is my favorite Spider-Man movie of all time. If you don’t say that your favorite Spider-Man movie was either “Spider-Man 2″ or “Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse”, then you’re opinion is just flat-out wrong in the eyes of the internet. Yes, I absolutely adore those movies and they were my favorites at one point in time, but I think this film just hits all the right spots for me. It has everything that I, personally, could have ever wanted. I’m going to have to say that this film is my favorite Spider-Man film to date and I’m going to stick by that statement. I mean, there’s a Marvel Zombies reference in this film. How can I not call this film nothing short of amazing? Regardless of that controversial opinion, I think it’s safe to say one thing. It’s a damn spectacular time to be a Spider-Man fan.

★★★★★

Watched on July 2nd, 2019

#Spider-Man: Far From Home #July #2019 #Superhero #Action #Science Fiction #Comedy #Adventure #Fantasy #PG-13 #Jon Watts #July 2019 #5 stars

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headlesssamurai · 6 years

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Has everyone asked you about Jupiter Ascending?

@godzillaapproved

Yo, I ought to apologize to you for taking hella long to properly respond to this. It’s holiday season over thisaway, sure, but I ain’t nearly vain enough to assume just anybody gets why that can suck up a dude’s time. Reckon I’m sure there’s tons of national celebrations all over the world I’d never know about otherwise. Bah, I say! Going out and socializing is one of the few things more overrated than all those shitty Apple products. But yeh, in my case it was less the celebratory spirit of holiday festivities and more a sudden spike in workload, so my mental energy was roughed up by that, plus I was doing a new workout at the same time. Thus, whatever free time I had left was spent obsessively hammering away at the Steam sale items I’d recently bought. It’s like a coping mechanism. Well, that and cheap wine anyhow.

Regardless, regardless—holy shit what an obnoxious fucking way for me to open this up—this Ask of yours came at an unusually coincidental time. A friend and I have been meeting up every weekend to watch like semi-recent crappy movies just as a way to enjoy a bad drink and a good laugh. She likes to laugh, and I like to drink, so it works out. After working our way through every Transformers film by Michael Bay, then Cameron’s Avatar, Terminator: Genisys, The Amazing Spider-mans, Spielberg’s Crystal Skull, Ready Player One, and some of the more abysmal DC films, our last escapade into nonsense was the estimably hilarious Gods of Egypt, which reminded me of one of those excremental quicktime-event video games. You know, like Detroit Becomes Human or some shit like that (Oh wait, is it Detroit Coming of the Humans? Meh).

As luck would have it, like, the day before you asked me about it, the next film at which I suggested we take a crack was the Wachowskis’ own Jupiter Ascending, which my friend had not seen at that time. Nor had I, since first viewing it in theaters.

>>SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU CARE ENOUGH TO, UH… YOU KNOW, CARE

I was intrigued to give this movie another go. It’s struck me that I’ve got an odd streak of pleasantly enjoying movies a lot of people can’t seem to stand, or which some people even hate with utter vileness on the verge of hunting down the producers with a roll of duct tape, power tools, jugs of petrol, and a matchbook. I’ve enjoyed, for instance, Hardcore Henry, Elysium, and Joseph Kosinski’s Oblivion, all of which not one person I know in real life could offer a single word of kindness. After my first viewing of Jupiter Ascending, I was left to consider whether or not it was the sort of movie I should enjoy and allow others to hate and disparage, or if it just wasn’t that good. I recalled leaving the theater with a sort of “Hm” sound, and not much else. But given my history with rooting for an underdog, was I wrong? Is this movie actually good, or cool in some way? I couldn’t defy the sensation that I’d missed something.

The answer, it seems, is more complex than a simple yes or no. Then again, as Mason and Goat Han Solo often remind us, “there’s no nuance on the internet”, so even my assertion there about complexity may be in gross error.

For the unfamiliar, Jupiter Ascending is a science fiction tale with vibes of less-cliché aesthetic choices for its visuals, some cool references to UFO conspiracy theories, and aims at a more expansive universe that would no doubt have been further explored in sequels had this film been better received by audiences and critics. I’ll say outright, it’s a disappointment to me that we weren’t given the chance to see more films in this mythology, because there’s some really cool stuff going on in this weird, imaginative universe. The story centers upon the character of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), an average working-class young woman in Chicago who is shocked to discover not only that aliens exist but that she happens to be the reincarnation of a galaxy owning empress, which entitles Jupiter to ownership of a large portion of the cosmos, the least part of which is Earth itself. But as the Aussies say, something’s a bit suss about the whole affair, and the wondrous glamour of this technologically advanced universe is concurrently party to a dark truth.

An immediately intriguing element of Jupiter Ascending is its attempt to set-up something which, while perhaps greatly inspired by a few other fictional works, is an original property, not a sequel, reboot, adaptation of an existing work, nor a spiritual successor to something else. Rather than merely being intrigued by this fact, I also respect it, because high-concept science fiction films aren’t something a studio likes to go for unless they have a preexisting audience, like adaptations of a book series or something. So it’s always bold when someone can cobble together the resources to really take a chance on something like this, even if it isn’t well received. After all that’s how films like The Matrix, The Terminator, Ridley Scott’s Alien, George Lucas’ Star Wars, and John McTiernan’s Predator come to be in the first place. Another example, I didn’t quite enjoy The Last Witch Hunter, but I recall respecting that film’s risk in its attempt at a new property for similar reasons.

Irrespective of your own personal tastes as a moviegoer and consumer of science fiction, it can’t be denied that the Wachowski’s are measurably talented filmmakers. Their doubtless skill at framing shots, blending effects with reality to present an integrated experience, and choreographing action sequences with such lethal precision it’s always incredible to watch; all of these things can’t be argued, and this attentiveness for the craft is all very present in Jupiter Ascending. Toward the beginning of the movie, there’s an aerial chase sequence that promptly accelerates into one of the most engaging, gripping action sequences in memory, heavily fantastical sci-fi elements intermixed with almost Fast and the Furious levels of insanity. The sense of gripping speed alone as two characters cling to the outer hull of a spacecraft was helplessly intense and left me quite keen to see what else the movie had to offer further down the line.

Additionally we have some awesome art design and stylistic choices regarding the look of this sci-fi universe, both the appearance of aliens and the design of their technology was familiar and unique at the same time. There are beings referred to as “Splices” which are intermixes of humans and various animals, giving some people bestial characteristics which are just weird enough to be cool to me without verging over the edge into absurd territory. There are cybernetic enhancements, gravity boots, phalanx style energy shields, neural synthetic wings, motherfucking jet-bikes of course and, though I never would have dreamed, motherfucking lizardmen! That blew me away, dude. Others may think it’s stupid, but lizardmen are one of my favorite sci-fi/fantasy creatures of all time, and they look so badass in this movie it was unbelievably awesome to realize I was actually seeing a proper lizardfolk on screen. With lizardmen and jet-bikes, Jupiter Ascending quickly marks two-out-of-five on my Generally Awesome Things I Like To See In Science Fiction list. It’s a real list, in my head, I swear.

The starship designs were inspired by art deco architecture in cities like Chicago, lending Jupiter’s cosmos a feeling more of Herbert’s Dune-iverse than something like Star Trek, which I appreciated since we don’t see that type of style quite as much. Top all that off with a fantastic score from Michael Giacchino and you’ve got some great tools to tell an awesome story.

So the thing is, it’s not just skin deep either, while the film does lean heavily on its visuals and action set-pieces, this is a genuinely interesting universe. Michael Bay’s Transformers, for instance, also has cool visuals, some passable action scenes, and dazzling special effects, but is it interesting? The answer is no. Because Bay’s movies, while briefly entertaining, are ultimately hollow. There aren’t any subdermal layers beneath the facade of spectacle. But in Jupiter Aescending there’s clearly something else going on, the touch of true filmmakers for one, yet also the potential for so much more. The groundwork, the craftsmanship and attentiveness is all here. It’s really what they choose to do, or not do, with that potential which ends up disappointing. Not, as in the case of Bay’s movies, the utter lack of potential for greatness from the start.

Though some fandom-card carrying ideologues may acerbically disagree, an acceptably comparable film whose potential for greatness was also mostly wasted for middle-of-the-road mediocrity is the recent Solo: A Star Wars Story, by Disney Interactive– I mean, by Disney behind the appropriated guise of Lucasfilm. Whatever else you think of that film, and while I agree from a mythological standpoint its very existence was in extremely poor taste, the talent, the production value, the mark of the craft was there. None of this was, however, capitalized upon to create anything truly profound. Jupiter Ascending’s unfortunate drawbacks are of a similar form.

I’d like to state emphatically however, I’m not trying to punish the film nor act as its apologist. Reckon I always end up saying this, but I am really just some dude. Sure, I read a lot of books and stuff, but that doesn’t appoint me some grand authority on the subject of fiction. These thoughts I try to convey in my write-ups are meant merely as opinions, framed in the form of investigating the quality of a film or game or whatever. To that end, I’m compelled to side with most folks in that, whatever else its got going for it, there’s some major deficiency holding back Jupiter Ascending from rising to a higher form of entertainment. So if the production values are high, where’s the casus belli all the angry critics are seeing here?

To puzzle that out, we ought first to determine by what criterion a truly good story is shaped. In that regard it’s likely the wisest to begin by reckoning what sort of story we’re dealing with here. Most people are wont to jump straight to the whole Hero’s Journey every dickhead YouTube reviewer read about in some sparknotes book while using the shitter at Barnes & Noble. But Joseph Campbell’s mimetic architecture isn’t the only sort of story that exists, not even in science fiction. Consider, for instance, anything written by H.P. Lovecraft, Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain, Kubrick and Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Jonathan Glazer’s Under The Skin, Philip K. Dick’s various works, Andrei Tarkovsky’s Stalker, Stanisław Lem’s Solaris, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina, or Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar. These stories, while very sci-fi in their scope and measure, are far more introspective, and very contemplative when contrasted against fiction of the more traditional heroic adventure genre. Hell, even Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers while appearing a mindless war movie on its surface is fundamentally a cautionary allegory. While conquering adversity is certainly a theme of its own within each of these stories, the breadth of that adversity’s effect on the narrative varies wildly, as well as the nature of adversity each character must face. Other heavier components, like displacement, post-humanism, philosophical allegory, are also usually present in such stories.

All of this likely seems a bit excessive to point out, but I promise it’ll get relevant later. But, uh… yeh. The next time some liberal arts asshat tries to tell you there’s only one real way a story can go, you can be safely justified in telling them to get bent. I mean read, yeh, tell them to read more shit, and watch more movies. That’d probably be more productive. But also tell them to get bent, the fuckers.

There can also, however, be stories that blend styles. The 2004 rebrand of Battlestar Galactica incorporates several philosophical elements, self-reflective, and meditative thematic ideas into its narrative of what would otherwise be a fairly standard science fiction conflict in outer space. The Wachowskis’ own The Matrix is a perfect example of a classic hero’s journey which also incorporates introspective themes into its lore, plot, and mythology, wherein the internal conflict of the protagonist is just as important as whatever external adversity he is meant to overcome. Where Battlestar Galactica 2004 uses its thematic material to craft a sci-fi adventure story, The Matrix uses a sci-fi adventure story to explore its thematic material. Seen in that light, I think the Wachowskis wanted Jupiter Ascending to have similar weight to its narrative, but they ended up recycling a sort of “human harvest” idea already seen in The Matrix (and arguably done in a more engaging way).

Jupiter Jones herself is a catalyst for an inter-familial conflict within a wealthy interstellar hierarchy. Though alien races do exist, the most dangerous aliens happen to be humans themselves, extraterrestrial humans of course. In Jupiter’s universe, it turns out that the wealthy and powerful have the ability to live forever (an idea also explored in the Neftlix adaptation Altered Carbon), but only by seeding countless worlds with humans, then harvesting these humans like crops and breaking these millions of people down into a sort of primordial youth serum by which the lives of the affluent may be extended.

Advanced genetics in Jupiter’s universe are the highest form of technology, and it is stated in all the cosmos the most sought-after resource is time. This is the reason these advanced humans out among the stars are able to splice human and animal genes, essentially creating entirely new races, and the reason why Jupiter herself is seen as a reincarnation of a woman who once owned countless stars and planets. Genes, to the wealthy and powerful, have a near spiritual significance. Jupiter is referred to as a Recurrence, a person who is long dead but whose gene-print inconceivably reappears in someone who is born centuries or even millennia later. This is seen as a near miracle, and thus is recognized by interstellar law as a legitimate reincarnation, giving this new person the same rights and privileges, and inheriting all the property previously held by the deceased person whose gene print they share.

And that’s where the conflict comes up. Jupiter is sought out by three siblings of the Abrasax family, one of the most elite and powerful families in the universe, of which she is the reincarnation of their mother and thus entitled to re-inherit all of their resources and capital which they currently control. The kids are Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), the well-to-do, but compassionate one, Titus (Douglas Booth), the more two-faced of the three who acts innocent but is clever as a viper, and Balem (Eddie Redmayne), the stereotypical villain of the piece who seems to have nervous ticks and an inability to raise his voice above a certain octave except in times of extreme stress. Of course, since Jupiter’s now meant to control everything they currently own, none of the three Abrasax kids can be fully trusted. Jupiter doesn’t have to face these three one-percenters alone however. She is accompanied by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) an ex-soldier and wolf-splice, known as a Lycantant, who is hired by Titus to safely retrieve Jupiter from Earth before his siblings can get to her. Caine’s former commanding officer, a bee-splice known as Stinger (Sean Bean) also appears from time to time, as well as officers of the Aegis, an interstellar law enforcement agency.

If you are having a hard time following the characters here, it’s probably because there just isn’t much to any of the characters other than what I’ve already written about them. And therein lies the primary flaw with this film. The characters aren’t interesting, and the greater tragedy is that the characters are written to be uninteresting. Where a ton of care and attention went into crafting the look, feel and depth of the wider universe acting as the story’s setting, the characters within this story are criminally underwritten.

Earlier, I went to great lengths to illustrate the wealth of variety throughout genres of science fiction, just how many different types of stories we might get within this narrative framework. The purpose of explaining all of that to such a degree was meant to show you that not everything has to follow the same narrative flow. Sometimes stories can be more abstract, less character driven, less action heavy. In that regard, a story exemplar like Blade Runner doesn’t really need to have strongly written characters because the interpersonal aspects of its journey are less important than its atmospheric setting and stylistic momentum. The gravitas comes from a different place than in stories which are more character driven.

However, if a story does want to give us something more conventional, then it’s extremely important that the characters are strongly defined, well established and, even if not likable, at the very least interesting. Though a bit out of this wheelhouse, Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby is notorious for featuring a dramatis personae of terribly vain, horrible sociopaths, but many of these characters are still written in a way that makes them interesting. Jupiter Ascending fashions itself as an epic space opera, a stylized adventure journey which goes from scrubbing toilets in Irving Park to rocketing through a wider spectacular galaxy. Within that story structure, the characters need to be given their proper attention, especially the protagonist. Only, this is not the case with this movie. In fact in Jupiter Ascending, the characters almost appear as afterthoughts, which is most unfortunate.

Despite being the protagonist’s love interest, Caine seems to have been given the most depth, as a literal lone-wolf personality, an orphan of a sort, a former soldier disgraced for an act of savagery, who longs to regain his military status as a Skyjacker, and was sprung from a prison called Deadland to rescue Jupiter from the clutches of filthy rich egomaniacs, a class of people he seems to utterly despise. Yet even Caine’s various portions of characterization are never fully explored, and he mostly serves as a vehicle to come dashing in and pluck Jupiter out of trouble over and over again. Secondary characters, other than Stinger (more on him later), are hardly there other than to function as a taxi service or exposition dump where appropriate, which is a shame since some of them have a great look but nothing else going on in the writing department to make them memorable. The Abrasax siblings are basically three different flavors of the same smug Soylent privilege, though Kalique seems to exist only to explain things for the benefit of the audience, and Balem seems to be accidentally memorable thanks to Eddie Redmayne’s unusual performance. Titus has some cool psychotic vibes with his underhanded motivations, slippery silver tongued bastard that he is, but even his role as the trickster doesn’t get its due in the end.

Stinger, Caine’s former commanding officer who is now an Aegis Marshal, is also written slightly deeper than even the Abrasax siblings. He took the fall for Caine’s misstep in the military, so he also lost his wings and was disgraced for it. Despite this, he is willing to help Caine and Jupiter throughout the story, and though begrudged he seems genuinely good at heart. Stinger’s point of interest however comes from his traits as a Splice between human and bee DNA. Yes, this leads to a funny line of dialogue, but there are some great examples of show-don’t-tell with Stinger, in that having bee instincts he seems superhumanly able to anticipate motion and react to it ridiculously quickly compared to most people. This ability gives him an edge in everything from fistfights to navigating massive fields of hunter-killer mines. This is hardly important to the plot, but I thought it was cool since it’s never stated outright, just displayed through his actions. Another example of a great idea that’s mostly left adrift.

Jupiter herself starts out as a typical protagonist for a Hero’s Journey. She’s a Jewish Russian immigrant who leads an unglamorous life cleaning bathrooms and tidying fancy homes for her family’s housekeeping service, apparently has bad luck with romance, and hardly ever has time to really do anything she enjoys. Typically, once these elements are presented, there will also be a revelation of something more intimate about the protagonist, her dreams and ambitions, something she longs to one day achieve, her hobbies or personality, perhaps a personal drawback or fear she wishes to overcome. But the most we get about Jupiter is that she wants to buy back a telescope which was once stolen from her astronomer father by the same thieves who murdered him (which we see early in the movie in an awkwardly directed scene). It’s not made clear if Jupiter herself has a genuine interest in astronomy, nor even what any of her interests happen to be.

This becomes a recurring problem throughout the film. Since no real internal conflict or personality of any kind is established for Jupiter, she isn’t led through any personal journey or self-exploration, nor anything which allows her to grow or evolve as the narrative opens up and accelerates. She’s basically just along for the ride, one of those wrong place wrong time sort of things. Her journey is entirely surface level, external forces dragging her around the stars without her having any real say in the matter nor agency of her own. She as very little idea of what she wants or who she is, from what we can tell, because we have no idea of those things either. Mila Kunis does a fine job with the material she’s given, but the material just isn’t much to run with, and if there is a drawback to her performance as an actress I promise in this case the fault is not with her.

The terrible lack of characterization hurts everything in the movie from its ethical conceits, plot momentum, all the way up to the romance subplot which only feels forced and lacking chemistry because the two leads aren’t properly written. They could have had chemistry, but its difficult for archetypes to interact without endowing them with personality. It’s a fundamental flaw from which all other flaws of the film stem because the personality, the character of the protagonist in this type of story is a fundamental element from which many other elements of the story stem.

Even towards the end, when Jupiter is forced into dangerous heroics and aggressive bravery it doesn’t feel like much of anything because for all we know she was brave all along, or maybe she wasn’t. We’re never given the chance to find out. Her larger moment of heroism comes not in a violent action of conquering the badguy (though she does beat him with a pipe later... in self-defense of course), but in refusing to compromise to Balem’s ultimatum, either resign her ownership of Earth or allow Balem to murder her family. It’s interesting to note that instead of rocking up and blowing his head off with a blaster, she just tells him to get fucked, which is a cool idea, non-violent protagonists are few and far between. Though the climax would have been far more satisfying had we gotten to know Jupiter much better before she gets to this point. Ultimately, the lack of strong characters make the progression of the movie feel awkward, and the denouement seems to come out of nowhere. It’s really too bad, since many facets of this film’s setup seemed to bear promise, and it’s more tragic than infuriating, leaving an audience with a countenance more in sorrow than in anger.

Like Jupiter herself, thematic elements are also only half-explored. The idea that genetics have advanced to such a point that life-regeneration has become a reality within this star-spanning civilization (albeit a reality exclusively available to the filthy, insanely wealthy) is an interesting idea, and there’s a lot of potential for the ethical quandaries related to that sort of technology, and what makes it possible. Yet little of this is given attention beyond the horror of Jupiter discovering the Abrasax family regularly kills billions of people for longevity and profit. Is their life-extending operation the only one out there? Or is it an industry? Are there black market dealers who develop and trade their own youth serum off the books? It’s all kind of muddy and little of it is given any explanation or nuance.

As we’ve established, Campbell’s hero’s journey isn’t the only way to go about a sci-fi story, but in Jupiter Ascending it’s like half-started without any of the follow-through, and the characters which should be the heart of the story are greatly lacking any depth. The film’s been compared to a Disney-style princess story, and even references Cinderella at one point, though it does seem to be aiming higher than this. Yet, the lackluster character writing and flat dialogue all make the story somewhat impotent, whatever its aim, leaving the movie looking like a majestically beautiful gild-feathered eagle, which just happens to be blind. Fun to look at, but has absolutely no idea where it’s going. I can’t articulate enough what a shame this all is, since there really are some cool ideas and sci-fi content here. I truly wish, as a sci-fi enthusiast, that Jupiter was truly able to ascend.

I’d recommend it as a fun romp through an intriguing galaxy, but it’s more useful as an example of how to get everything right with a movie, everything other than the thing that really holds it all together: a well-written protagonist. Still, I’m no intersectionalist, but it’s nice to see the girl get the guy at the end of the story, the way guy protagonists get to get the girl at the end of all their stories. That was a pleasant feeling, even if it wasn’t quite earned with everything come before it. Plus, you know; lizardmen, and jet-bikes. The Wachowskis are generally great at what they do though, just maybe have a tough time channeling it. Here’s hoping they can get back to us with something truly badass in future because the level of commitment to the craft seen in this movie is extraordinary, even if the reach exceeds the grasp in this particular case.

侍 headless

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 6 years

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The Prodigy

Wow. Wowie wow this was a bad one. I...there are so many ways in which it was bad, and then it somehow got worse? Just so much worse. And there was a small child in my showing, so already that’s a bad omen for a horror movie. Well...I say “horror.” The most horrifying things about this movie are primarily the script, the acting, the story, and the direction. Maybe it’s a good thing that small child probably won’t retain a memory of this shitshow. How bad are we talking? Well...

This is going to be full of spoilers because I’m trying to protect you from this moldy tuna sandwich of a movie. It starts with an opening sequence that cuts between 1) a serial killer being shot to death in a raid upon his house after one of his victims escapes and 2) a woman in labor delivering her son. The sequence includes a naked man screaming at the sky NOOOOOOOOOOOO and a baby covered in blood blobs that correspond to the serial killer’s gunshot wounds. So. Citizen Kane it ain’t. The Prodigy is about the Blumes - John and Sarah (Peter Mooney and Taylor Schilling) and their son, Miles (Jackson Robert Scott). Miles isn’t like other kids because of the whole serial killer/birth thing and due to ~handwavey reincarnation reasons~ Sarah has to figure out how to sever that whole serial killer connection before she loses Miles forever. If that sounds stupid to you, I promise it is so, so much more stupid than you think.

Some thoughts:

The buildup towards Miles’ full-blown serial killer persona is shown in little vignettes as he is a young child up until the movie really kicks into gear when he’s 8. However, the things they show to indicate that Miles is off somehow are puzzling. Like, for example, he crushes a small spider in his hand when he’s like 5. But...spiders are objectively terrible. Like I get that they have to be a thing as a part of the ecosystem and the circle of life and all that, but you’re lying if you’ve ever seen someone kill a spider and been like WELL THAT PERSON IS CLEARLY A SOCIOPATH. If it had been like, a gerbil or even a butterfly or something, you’d probably think something was a little odd about the kid. Unless the spider is writing words about a pig in her web, I just don’t think this is as effective as the filmmakers want it to be.

Similarly, there’s a weird sequence with a babysitter and some broken glass. Wife thinks it is insane that I always wear shoes in our house, but then I see A Quiet Place or this babysitter in this movie, and I know I’m fucking right. So many problems can be avoided by just wearing shoes. If the tension in your movie is robbed by shoes, it just seems like maybe your script needs some work.

[Dog-related spoilers] - As in all horror movies, as soon as the dog showed up I became very concerned. And reader, this is the first time this year that I have to tell you I WAS RIGHT TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG. VERY UPSET ABOUT THE WAY THE MOVIE TREATS EVERYTHING SURROUNDING THE DOG. There are gratuitous shots of the dog not once but fucking TWICE. I cannot stress enough, AVOID THIS FILM if you will be sensitive to harm coming to this dog :(

So after weird things start happening with Miles, Sarah goes through the normal process of doctors, psychologists, teachers, etc to try to figure out what’s wrong. This is where any semblance of logic or narrative sense departs. Arthur Jacobson (Colm Feore) who is...a not-doctor? No one is really sure what his credentials are. Well he shows up and starts talking about reincarnation and Sarah is like THAT’S CRAZY TALK GET AWAY FROM MY SON and then in the next scene, she’s trying to convince her husband that Jacobson is the key to helping Miles. To be fair - she watched a very compelling Youtube video. It’s like, on the one hand, reincarnation being depicted as sO bAnAnApAnTs cRaZy is pretty arrogant and offensive. On the other hand, at least let your character have some kind of commitment to their convictions. God this is all a fucking mess.

When Sarah leaves Miles alone with the not-doctor Jacobson (again, no credentials to speak of) for a hypnotism session, Miles’ serial killer ghost starts talking shit about accusing Jacobson of molesting him if he doesn’t get his way and keep Miles’ body for himself. This scares the not-doctor into lying to Sarah and saying “nope, no serial killers here, everything’s cool in my completely unprofessional opinion!” And that’s all well and good until you remember that people record their sessions with unaccompanied minors to avoid that exact situation.

When Jacobson and Sarah figure out the identity of the person possessing Miles, they’re trying to figure out what his unfinished business could be so that he’ll move on and detach from Miles. A serial killer...whose 10th victim got away from him...god, what could he want? What could it p o s s i b l y b e ? At least 15 minutes of this 92 minute movie is spent on Sarah trying to puzzle this out.

And her plan to solve the problem is the actual worst plan I’ve ever seen. If someone has unfinished business, THEY have to FINISH the BUSINESS. It’s in the goddamn name.

And lastly who the FUCK wants to be stuck in the body of an 8-year-old boy? Would you really want to go through puberty for a second time just so you could get your murder on? I mean, I suppose it’s better than being dead but...is it really? Have you ever spent time with a group of 12- or 13-year-old boys? God, eternal damnation or blank nothingness just seems like SUCH a better option.

Please do yourself the favor of never watching this. I sacrificed 92 minutes that I will never get back so you don’t have to experience this. I’d advise spending 92 minutes petting a dog instead.

#119in2019 #the prodigy #the prodigy review #horror review #horror #taylor schilling #jackson robert scott #peter mooney #colm feore #movie reviews #film reviews

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dmydfilmreviews · 5 years

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DOCTOR STRANGE

By its very nature this was always going to be a disappointment, a work of art potentially endless in scope reduced to something designed to sell you twenty five dollar ‘More Than a Doctor’ stainless steel water bottles. They were never going to go full Lynch or Jodorowsky on a popcorn flick that had to sync up with Civil War, but watching it back it’s even kind of disappointing as something firmly in the Marvel template, and it resolutely fails to do for magic what Guardians did for space. The characters are all kind of unlikeable, the funny bits aren’t particularly funny. The plot and especially its origin scenes are hugely perfunctory, and it almost completely wastes at least four fantastic actors in exposition land. Even Cumberbatch doesn’t quite fit – there’s a sense of trying too hard here, a strain that loosened up come his far better appearance in Infinity War. He just looks uncomfortable among all the cool shit.

But there we are, there’s cool shit. Lots of it. The visuals in Doctor Strange are frequently dazzling, a kaleidoscope of psychedelic digitally warped imagery that you just don’t get in mainstream cinema this side of Inception ten freaking years ago. The opening London battle and the deranged mirror-dimension New York freakathon in the middle are both hugely fun, but it’s the brief big-brain explosion in the Ancient One’s tea room that shows where this series could really go; an escalation of increasingly trippy and beautiful madness wrapping around the befuddled beard of Stephen Strange, the sequence as a whole is a tidbit for something better, something that folds back in on itself narratively or expands out into a thousand different plots at once. It’s possibility given form and shape, and that’s something the rest of the movie only skirts around.

Maybe Strange just works better as a supporting character, like he does in the comics. Hell, his awesome-powers/grown-up in the room cool-fest rethink in Infinity War suggest as much, Cumberbatch levelling up his performance and the effects his character brings working better when thrown against the more grounded likes of Iron and Spider Men. Maybe Strange 2 will be a game-changing leap like Winter Soldier, and we literally won’t believe what we’re seeing and it’ll unlock the potential of the entire MCU to delve headlong into the insanity of experimental cinema. Maybe they’ll hand out mushrooms with the 3D glasses.

Either way, that leaves Strange’s first movie as the literal weird not-weird one; sometimes great, frequently perfunctory, a good-enough base for potential madness that’ll hopefully surpass it in vision and ambition. He’s seen 14,000,605 possible futures, can at least some of them be outright fucking nuts?

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mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker · 6 years

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...

“I was really enraged over “One More Day”. Having been on the Ditko side of the argument for so long, I finally saw that Marvel was totally against letting Peter Parker age and develop new stories. I had planned on protesting the books. But, then they hooked me with the creative teams. Then, they brought back Norman Osborn.”

Er no they didn’t they brought HARRY Osborn back...pointlessly....

“Plus, they were trying new stuff and it wasn’t terrible.”

By new stuff I wonder if they mean ‘Guess who this Goblin themed character is’ and ‘Oh no Spider-Man is framed’ or ‘Yuk yuk Peter just can’t get a date lulz!’

And by not terrible I wonder if they mean ‘Hey look it’s the Chameleon and his whole history with Peter Parker is being ignored so we can imply he’s raping a woman’ and ‘Here watch this woman take advantage of Peter when he’s drunk before turning on a dime into a racist and sexist sterotype of Latin American woman’ or ‘Let’s ruin the Lizard and Kraven’s Last Hunt for everybody’.

“What was going on here? Constant creative rotation to keep things fresh and lively?”

Fresh as in a fresh way to suck shit as inconsistent story and artistic beats pile up to insanity.

“Villains being reintroduced as the classic threats we know them to be?!?”

Because we didn’t have that before OMD and needed the marriage gone for that to be the case.

“Then, we got to see Marcos Martin and Dan Slott on the book. Spider-Man had entered into a new Golden Age. ”

John Romita Senior’s run was a Golden Age.

Roger Stern’s run was a Golden Age.

2004 was a Golden Age.

Mary Jane dates a loser cleberity because she’s out of character whilst Peter Parker invades people’s privacy which is even MORE out of character and here comes Mysterio alive and well ignoring everything we knew about him for the past 10 years isn’t a Golden Age. Its just hot trash.

“But, what of Mary Jane? She was Peter’s wife and the mother of their disappeared baby. Would we ever get some sort of closure? Hell no. What was more surprising was how little it mattered.”

WTF does ‘it didn’t matter’ even mean in this context?

It mattered to most of the readers hence they kept teasing us with reconciliation to spike sales over and over again before just giving us an AU book...then bringing them back for real!

“ Does that say a lot for Mary Jane and her defined role in the Spider-Man universe. I venture to say that it did. But, why are now realizing the futile nature of Peter being married and its importance to Mary Jane?”

Yeah. It’s so futile to have character development for the lead and second biggest character that was the bedrock of 20 years of stories that by and large were better than the objective trash that followed int heir wake and fundamentally damaged both characters going forward.

“Mary Jane has always never made sense for Peter Parker or Spider-Man. It was wish fulfillment for a guy that went from puny nerd to crushing multiple samples of poon in a three year period.”

This sexist bullshit again.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and even if that wasn’t true Peter is himself attractive and even if he was ‘average looking’ someone as attractive like MJ would marry someone like Peter all the time in the real world.

It was their personalities and shared histories that made the relationship make sense.

To dismiss MJ’s backstory and the inter-personal emotions between them that made the relationship happen is ignorant and a clear sign of either not having read or not having paid attention to the material.

The hard truth is MJ pretty much ALWAYS made sense for Spider-Man. She wasn’t wish fulfilment she was her own well rounded character who organically developed in tandem with Peter, as Nick Spencer himself has corroborated.

“Gwen was his equal,”

How?

Gwen was more financially affluent than Peter, had a higher social standing afforded by her father’s job and their comparative wealth to Peter.

If we are talking her brains, Gwen wasn’t anywhere close to Peter’s league. Peter was the kid whipping up web-fluid in his bedroom as a teenager. Gwen was...someone who was in his science class. A statement that could apply to Harry.

“ Betty was the older woman and Mary Jane was the neighbor’s niece thrown upon him. ”

Betty was younger than him canonically Stan lee said so in a letters page but even if she wasn’t in the context of the times she wouldn’t been a few years removed from high school and Peter would’ve been a senior. Big whoop.

Betty’s place has little to do with her age but more to do with just being his first romantic experience.

As for MJ putting aside how she was retconning to not be his neighbour, that assessment for her character applies to the Silver Age and literally no other period of time beyond it. That was NOT her role in the Bronze age in the 1970s, the DeFalco run of the 80s and obviously not the time during the 1990s or 2000s when they were married.

WTF is with his toxic notion that a character is not allowed to develop FFS!

MJ hasn’t been the nieghbour’s blind date for him for the majority of her existence.

“Mary Jane doesn’t even show up until the classic final page of her debut issue. Sure, it’s one of the best entrances in comic history. However, Mary Jane already feels like a put on intruder into a world that she doesn’t understand.”

Correct and Norman Osborn wasn’t revealed as the Goblin until 4 issues before that, Gwen Stacy didn’t die until 7 years after that and Venom never showed up until 22 years after that.

I guess all that shit is irrelevant to the character and mythology of Spider-Man and is just totally optional and superfluous.

I’m sorry I never realized only the first 4 years and few months of Spider-Man mattered.

I never realized Venom, Hobgoblin, Carnage, KINGPIN and all the OTHER shit from after ASM #41 were ‘intruders’ in Spider-Man’s world.

Give me a fucking break.

“She spends the next year dancing through the comic and pushing off the boys. ”

And again, the early years of a character don’t = the inherent nature of the character that is never allowed to develop beyond that ever. If it did the X-Men would’t ever need Wolverine or Storm and Dick Grayson being Nightwing wouldn’t matter at all.

“Peter grows closer to Gwen until she eventually dies, then he’s forced back onto Mary Jane. ”

No, he and MJ over the course of 2 years of masterful stories by Conway gradually grow closer organically.

Can you spell ‘Gwen Stan’?

“Mary Jane rejects him, then he starts associating with related ESU students, Marvel Team-Up guest stars and the Black Cat.”

That’s YEARS later. Gwen dies in 1973. Peter and MJ hook up in 1974. They break up in like 1978!

“When all of those go into the crapper, Mary Jane shows up and he proposes. ”

Oh dear god this is a quintessential example of buying into Marvel propaganda.

That isn’t the sequence of events.

First of all MJ showd up DURING his relationship with Felicia.

THEN she revealed she knew he was Spider-Man and became his confidant.

THEN peter and Felicia broke up.

THEN he and MJ began growing closer and closer.

THEN he had one last fling with Felicia following a seeming rejection by MJ.

THEN he proposed to MJ.

All that shit played out between approximately 1983-1987. That’s about FOUR YEARS of publication with THREE titles running simultaneously!

“Parker gets rejected, then MJ accepts due to a pending marriage in the Spider-Man comic strip.”

Again no. Yeah the wedding we got occurred due to synching with the newspaper strip but the build up to it was in the works for years by DeFalco and Frenz who were in charge of the book and embellished by Peter David and other people on the satellites. It wasn’t intended as actually leading to them crossing the threshold as man and wife but the build up to make that happen and for it to hypothetically happen anyway still existed.

“That’s right, kids. Peter and Mary Jane only got married because Marvel wanted to tie it into an unrelated storyline in the national newspaper comic strip.”

Again that’s true but the build up for to nevertheless make sense in story was still there and still paid off 4 years of character development.

“The key point of Peter and MJ’s relationship was based on editorial interference. ”

Peter and MJ’s relationship began in 1973 nearly 15 years before they got married and it occurred out of a sincere desire by the writer to tell a story about grief.

“Tom DeFalco had actually spent a storyline early explaining how MJ figured out Peter’s identity, but kept it to herself. ”

Er...no he didn’t. He explained she knew his identity but never explained how.

And...this kind of egregiously undermines the central argument right here.

“Then, made a very reasonable argument for why she could like Peter as a friend. ”

And then along with Frenz his collaborator and Peter David spent the next 3 or so years developing their relationship as clearly much more than friendship so why is this fuckwit taking one line from ASM #259 totally out of context and ignoring all the stuff it led to.

Oh right....in order to support the argument via lying.

“Cut to two years later....”

It was more than 2 years.

“forced attacks and a second rejected marriage”

Forced attacked? Alastair Smythe made the natural presumption that MJ was affiliated with Spider-Man based upon his encounter with her in ASM Annual #19.

“then MJ is cool about dealing with Peter.”

No. MJ has a change of heart after resolving her commitment issues directly connected to her estrangement from her sister and her bad blood with her father which Peter helped her to resolve in the course of the story where she accepts his proposal.

Learn to read the damn stories!

“Why was it such a big deal? Why did we loft MJ up to this status that doesn’t seem deserved?”

Because it was wholly deserved based upon the actual stories that were written and not the propaganda assessment this article is pushing.

“The marriage issue is so confusing. It happened in the first Amazing Spider-Man issue I ever read and most of the imagery has come to dominate my opinion of Spidey through the years. Whether it’s the marriage nightmare with the villains attacking the guests or the robbery with Electro; these images are what I see in my head when I see Spidey. Everything after that point was an excuse to force MJ into action, whether it was Venom attacking for the first time or the creepy landlord stalking her. ”

Putting aside how ‘everything’would have to mean literally 100% of each Spider-Man story ever when there were many issues MJ either didn’t appear or had a small role...why would this be a bad thing?

You have a supporting character...they are important...they are used within the narrative...this is bad because why again?

The sexism and hypocrisy is strong with this point because half the time MJ gets shit because she didn’t do ENOUGH in the marriage. But when she is involved within the super side of things in some capacity it’s forced and bad.

How?

A super villain knows Peter’s identity and invades his home, targeting someone clone to him who he maybe lives with. That’d been happening since the silver age with Aunt May, Betty Brant and Gwen Stacy.

As for her getting kidnapped by a stalker, this happens in real life especially to women and famous people and famous women. Spider-Man is a reflection of real life so WTF is the problem with this? HOW is this forced.

“For next decade, everything became about MJ’s pregnancy, habits and constant fears for Peter.”

Again, ‘everything’ would need to mean 100% of stories.

MJ was pregnant for under 2 and a half years, not a decade.

Not every story revolved around her fears for Peter.

Her smoking habit lasted for less than 2 years too.

And there was after all a period of time when Peter wasn’t even the main character of the damn series.

And of course the notion of ‘everything’ or even ‘most things’ REVOLVING around MJ is bullshit because hate to break it to you but MJ was never the main character, Peter was.

Everything revolved around him and since she was his wife a lot of stuff revolved around her which is called ‘Godd Wrting’.

Notice how a shitton of screen time and subplots revolve around the wives of the main characters of drug dealer and mafia boss Walter White and Tony Soprano in the 2 most critically acclaimed TV shows of all time, Breaking Bad and the Sopranos.

USING supporting characters and giving them screen time is IMPORTANT!

It’s also the reason people hated Aunt May for decades until JMS started doing this in 2001! That’s near damn 40 years of Aunt May being mostly underutilized and useless to the point where people hated her and wanted her to die. THEN a lot of stories or story moments began involving or revolving around her and opinions changed.

“The comic was quickly becoming a relationship drama, when we weren’t dealing with fake robot parents, clones, the Superhuman Registration Act or Aunt May getting shot. ”

a) The dumbass who wrote this referred to events across the decade following the marriage and then included 2 things AFTER that point in time

b) This is again a lie it wasn’t a relationship drama

c) God forbid there be relationship drama in a book that heavily involved soap opera elements and also the real life of the hero who could be you, i.e. someone who has to deal with relationship drama a lot because most people in real life do

“Enough was enough, as the time came to re-evaluate what MJ brought to the team. ”

A grounding for Peter. Character development for him. Strong female representation. A human hero who didn’t need to fight villains to be heroic. A realistic flawed and complex human character in a series all about that? A confidant for the main character? An exposition device?

“The answer was that she is a party girl who worked better as an X Factor.”

Get fucked and read some comics beyond the Silver Age hack.

MJ STOPPED being a party girl or an X-Factor in 1973!

“The mystery created by Romita and Lee was long dead and that revealed something didn’t work. ”

It’s so interesting this author will quote one line from ASM #259 and then totally ignore the rest of the entire issues which developed MJ into a supporting character and confidant who mirrored Peter.

Because she just didn’t work.

Get fucked.

“MJ isn’t meant to be understood by Peter, she’s out of his league.”

There is no such things as leagues. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and any two people with enough time, compassion and empathy can come to understand one another. Peter came to understand MJ via her tragic backstory which echoed his own.

“Ultimately, what matters is that Mary Jane stays a viable character in the Spider-Man universe”

Which she was for over 2 decades and even longer before that when she stopped being a party girl.

“While she is a personality mis-match, she’s a life-long friend that knows a lot about the man behind the mask. ”

How are their personalities mis-matched.

“That kind of grounding is absent outside of a direct family tie to Peter. When MJ makes Mephisto end their marriage during “One More Day”, ”

GET FUCKED!

Mj doesn’t MAKE Mephisto do shit. This is yet more of the author swallowing and regurgitating Marvel’s sexist lies. Peter put MJ on the spot with an untenable position then she sweetens Mephisto’s deal. Mephisto made the offer though. MJ didn’t make anyone do shit, especially Mephisto. She just complied with his wishes.

“she whispers something that we don’t find out until “One Moment in Time”. Unfortunately, this twist is negated by the fact that Peter forces MJ to remember their life together as it was, but the duo chooses to split and move on.”

Fuck this article even fails to accurately represent the events of the bullshit storyt hat supports their claim.

MJ’s whisper to Mephisto takes places before he changes time and Peter forcing MJ to remember (more like he forces her to not forget) occurres for unrelated reasons after time has been altered. The two things aren’t directly connected.

Moreover the duo don’t CHOOSE to split, MJ leaves him.

At least represent the bs you are defending accurately.

“It’s a tricky setup, but it’s one that has led Spider-Man back to the promise of the early 1980s”

It’s not tricky it’s hacky.

It didn’t lead Spider-Man back to the promise of the 1980s because things weren’t written as well.

Moreover the early 1980s were when O’Neil was writing Spider-Man and the series sucked shit, why would you want to go back to that?

In fact even if it didn’t suck why would you want to go BACK to something antiquated as being 25-30 years old FFS!

“There are multiple people in his life demanding certain things, but they all want to push him forward. Even Mary Jane has setup her own business and works as an outside factor in Peter’s life.”

All of which didn’t require ending the marriage or a deal with Satan to facilitate.

“The book is “The Amazing Spider-Man” for reason and not “Mary Jane Knows Best” for a reason.”

Get fucked the book was never that during the marriage either.

“ Supporting characters work when they have a defined role for our central figure.”

You mean like a life partner, best friend, confidant and life line to normalacy.

“After a quarter century in the main book, MJ lost that focus and the story suffered.”

After what feels like a quarter century reading this article I feel like my brain has suffered from the lies and misinformation contained within it.

“While we have turned back the clock on that matter, something harsh remains. Why can’t a woman be on par with Spider-Man?”

She can be but when she is sexist jackasses like this knock her down and just plain lie, misrepresent or twist things to pretend things are untenably bad when they aren’t.

“ Much has been made out of his MC2 counterpart Spider-Girl. Sure, it’s his daughter as a legacy character keeping the identity alive, but she manages to find time for her retired father in her book. But, her book keeps getting cancelled and the readership of that title is a tenth of what Amazing Spider-Man pulls down. Point rested.”

Point no rested.

Spider-Girl suffered in sales because it was a female led book at a time when that wasn’t something the market was kind to. It suffered because it was a mass market book sold on the direct market. It suffered because it underined Marvel’s desired narrative and was spearheaded by a former EIC, people who traditionally generate a lot of bad blood courtesy of consequent editorial regimes who throw them to the wolves. It suffered because they wanted to promote another character with the name. It suffered because it was an out of continuity title.

It has shit to do with anything related in this dumpster fire of an article.

In summary:

This article is hot trash peddling sexist propaganda in line with a false narrative Marvel wants.

Kill it with fire.

But what can I expect from a writer who doesn’t even know Eddie Brock wasn’t a photojournalist or thinks Ned Leeds was ‘tricked’ into becoming the Hobgoblin.

#Spider-Man #mjwatsonedit #MJ Watson #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #Peter Parker #One More Day #Brand New Day #One Moment in Time

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metalandmagi · 6 years

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December End of the Year Media Madness!

It’s a new month and a new year! And what a crazy month it was what with Tumblr imploding and all. But I’ll still throw this on here just because I’ll be on this site until it literally boots me out. But I do have a twitter now…@metalandmagi where I’m also barely active at all.

Anyway, why make top 10 lists for the entire year when I can just ramble about all the media I consumed this month? There’s only a marginal amount of holiday things on here by my standards!

November media

Movies!

Give me some credit there’s only four Christmas movies on here.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: A documentary about Mr. Rogers starting with the birth of the television show to his death. This is the fluffiest most heartwarming thing I could have possibly picked to watch on Christmas, and I encourage everyone, even people who hate documentaries and/or never grew up with Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, to watch it. There’s a lot of important messages about acceptance, dealing with tragedy, and mental health that people can learn from and feel good about. Not to mention how he completely revolutionized children’s television. So yeah, he was awesome.10/10

Spider-man Into the Spider-verse: When a rip between dimensions is opened, a bunch of different spider themed superheroes from every comic fan’s wet dreams all get together to close it. Guys I’m not that big of a Spider-man fan, but dang this movie was a ton of fun. I came for the amazing visual effects and stayed for the amazing...everything else. The music, the performances, and the story were all top notch. Also I now have a new favorite Nick Cage role. If you thought the trailer made the animation look interesting, it was just the tip of the iceberg because it is the most visually interesting movie I’ve seen in the last three years. I strongly suggest any fan of animation...or even any fan of great stories and movies in general go see it even if you’re not that big on Spider-Man. Now I’m demanding a Spider-verse Aunt May movie because I have so many questions! And the post credits scene was the best out of any Marvel movie. Period. 10,000/10

The Wiz (2015 musical): I should start making a section for musicals or plays instead of just lumping it in with the movies. It’s the Wizard of Oz...but cool. I’ve never seen any iteration of The Wiz and it seems like I’m constantly hearing about it. So I watched the 2015 version of the 1975 Broadway musical that NBC aired. And yeah it’s good. There were some great performances. But I wasn’t very impressed with the songs themselves, and it’s not really the same without a dog along for the ride, but whatever. 7.5/10

Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle: The surprisingly fun reboot/sequel thing of Jumanji where four teenagers get stuck in a video game that follows every “stuck in a video game” trope you can imagine but actually does it well. It’s a sweet, funny romp through the jungle with some great comedic performances. I really don’t have much to say about it except that this movie is better than it has any right to be. 8/10

The Christmas Chronicles: Two children stow away on Kurt Russell’s, I mean Santa’s sleigh and go on a dangerous, balls to the wall adventure throughout Chicago trying to save Christmas or something. After everyone started talking about how crazy this Netflix movie is I had to watch it to verify if it is indeed as wild as they said. And yes...yes it is. It is so laughably ridiculous and questionable that it’s impossible to actually hate. The elves are some unholy mixture of minions and gremlins, one of the children is a literal felon that no one is concerned about, and Kurt Russell is super into the role but has some sort of thing about fat-shaming Santa. I just...have so many questions! But it was certainly a trip, so I’d have to recommend it just so you too can witness the insanity. -10 “savvy, straight-talking St. Nicks”/10

Arthur Christmas: No, it’s not a Christmas special related to the aardvark cartoon! This is the 2011 animated movie that no one remembers exists. Santa’s clumsy but enthusiastic son Arthur must deliver a forgotten present in less than two hours while the rest of his family deals with some Arrested Development style family drama. This is by far the most underrated Christmas movie of all time; even I didn’t realize it was actually good until I watched it for the first time in 2016! The fun road-trip style plot and the entertaining characters were victims of bad marketing. Arthur is hilariously endearing, and there was so much heart and effort put into it that I can find new things to notice every time I watch it. Not to mention the amazingly animated opening spy sequence! And also Mrs. Claus is secretly a total badass and Bryony the elf is the coolest female character in a Christmas movie ever. The movie’s message of old vs new is nothing we haven’t seen before, but I really don’t care because at the heart of it all, it’s about making people happy on Christmas. If you’re like me and just assumed this movie would suck...or didn’t know it exists, please give it a chance. It’s not perfect, but it’s worth seeing. 9/10

Neo Yokio Pink Christmas: Yes, it’s the Christmas special for Neo Yokio. No I cannot accurately describe it with mere words. There’s a rich bachelor gift exchange, demon possession, and pompous French aunts slinging insults at each other. It is unironically my favorite holiday episode of a show ever, and to me it’s the best Christmas special ever made. I thought I was prepared for the absolute bat-shit ride I would go on, but no...I wasn’t even close. At this point I don’t know if it’s written like this on purpose or if some divine twist of fate made the executives believe this is truly brilliant television. Either way, it is a masterpiece in its own right. There’s even a somewhat intriguing plot and a message about gift giving and capitalism under all the crazy! If you haven’t jumped down the rabbit hole yet, I implore you to watch the insanity that is Neo Yokio and follow it up with Pink Christmas because it will truly make your holiday season. 100,000 demon DNA drugs out of 100,000!

Die Hard: Nothing says Christmas like terrorists taking over a skyscraper and Bruce Willis having to take them all down by himself. Yeah...so I’ve never seen Die Hard before, but this is one of those movies that is so famous that I felt like I’d already absorbed everything important through cultural osmosis. And even though it’s pretty good, I would have liked it better if I didn’t know what was going to happen. My only real complaint is that I think it goes on way too long. More than anything it just made me sad to remember that Alan Rickman is gone. And it bothers me so much that John McClane goes through this building that’s under construction WITHOUT SHOES! 8/10

Books!

The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis: The 4th/6th book in the Chronicles of Narnia, in which Eustace Scrubb and his classmate Jill Pole go to the underworld to find King Caspian’s long lost son. Even though my children- the Pevensies aren’t in it, I actually think this book is my favorite of the series so far. Jill and Eustace are both sassy enough to play off each other, Puddleglum absolutely hilarious, and the book actually has a clear cut plot! It reads much more like a Greek myth than a children’s fairy tale since there aren’t nearly as many of Lewis’s trademark author interjections, and you know...it’s a literal journey to the underworld. And can I just say that it’s super refreshing to have an author write two main characters WITH ZERO ROMANTIC INTENTIONS! Especially since they’re freaking children! Now I just wish Disney had continued the movies even more! 9/10

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare: I’m going to do this with only minor spoilers. It’s the final book in The Dark Artifices trilogy. Will Emma and Julian break the parabatai bond? Will the reflection of the modern day American government- I mean the Cohort/ the Clave fuck up the relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders forever? You’ll have to suffer like the rest of us to find out! In my opinion, 99% of this book is amazing, but in the last 50 pages there are some...bullshit ways of solving problems. Like everything that went down with the Cohort in Idris. Not to mention we’ve been so invested in the parabatai curse and how Julian and Emma’s bond would go down and...let’s just say the resolution was way too easy. And if you thought Clare’s other finales were jam packed, you ain't seen nothin’ yet. My copy is 880 pages and there was still more stuff that I wanted to happen...like any sort of scene between Dru and Ash...or an ending between Kit and Ty that doesn’t make me want to cry (the Wicked Powers is going to be brutal). But the rest of that 99% is mind-blowing! There’s so much good I can say that it mostly outranks anything I didn’t like...I mean we finally got a Malec wedding and a proper polyamorous relationship for the Angel’s sake! It may be my least favorite of her finales by default but it was still a fun ride! 9/10

TV shows!

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018): An elite soldier finds a sword that can transform her into a super buff magical girl who helps princesses take down the forces of evil. It’s a reboot of the 1980s cartoon, and holy crap it’s AMAZING! I have a whole new group of children to adopt, each episode is entertaining in its own way, and there’s so...many...good...ships! And it gives Steven Universe a run for its money with the care that went into making every character a different kind of warrior, which I love because the cast is 99% female. My only real complaint is that I never warmed up to Catra because she wasn’t particularly sympathetic to me from the beginning. But I understand why some people love her. If you love well crafted adventurous character driven cartoons and haven’t watched it yet WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? 10/10

Nailed It Holiday: Yes, my favorite baking show (and by that I mean the only baking show I watch) has a holiday season out on Netflix, in which newbie bakers are tasked with making incredibly professional desserts with a very short time limit. And whoever makes the best treat gets 10,000 dollars. I’ve talked about this show before in my June media madness, and I don’t know what it is but I’m so addicted to it. 10/10

Brooklyn nine-nine (season 5): Come on we all know the cop sitcom. It’s the best sitcom. Just in general it’s the best. Great characters that subvert expectations, great humor, and a lot of heart. I’ve known that this show is supposed to be amazing for years, but I only started watching it a few months ago. And since I couldn’t find season 5 anywhere...I got a Hulu subscription just to watch it before season 6 comes out. That’s how good this show is. 10/10

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (season 2): Our favorite underdog comedian is back, and she’s slowly gaining popularity and doing...stuff. Like going on tour. And hanging out with Zachary Levi. Yes, this season is great, but my problem with this series is that every character aside from Midge and Susie are the fucking worst, especially the parents. Midge’s parents suck, Joel’s parents suck, Midge and Joel are appropriately neglectful parents for the time period...I could go on. And it’s not even in a funny way; like it’s just disgusting to watch these power dynamics. Not to mention how old the comedic bits for the parents get (how many times can we hear about Joel needing to date or Midge needing to get married?!) Yes, I realize that we’re supposed to be annoyed AND YES I realize that this is a product of culture and how society was, but none of the parents have any redeeming qualities. In episode one, we’re led to believe that Midge’s parents will grow and change through the season and they never do! At least there are moments where Joel can kind of be redeeming and expand on his actual character before he reverts back to being an asshole. Anyway, my thoughts are pretty much the same as the first season. It’s funny and interesting to watch, but it can be ridiculously frustrating when you hate almost all the characters! 8/10

Fuller House (season 4): Yes I do watch the ridiculous Netflix reboot of Full House. And yes, it is absolutely terrible! I really really hate it! But will I stop watching it? Let’s just say you can pry this pile of garbage from my cold dead hands. I don’t know if I’d call this a guilty pleasure or a hate watch type of show... it’s certainly not so bad it’s good territory like Neo Yokio...but Full House was pretty much my entire childhood. And yes, the original show is also not great. I loved it as a kid, and it was my first real exposure to a non-traditional family in live action, but yeah it doesn’t age well. What I’m trying to say is...I have no good reason for watching this.

I don’t mean to say that there’s nothing good about it, especially this season. They really back off on the more cringe-worthy catch phrases, Stephanie being aware of how stupid the writing is and constantly pointing it out is actually funny, their Christmas episode was surprisingly genuine, and they impressed me by actually make two female characters try and work through their difficulties instead of pitting them against each other for laughs. It has its moments, just like the original but definitely not enough to make up for the worst of it. Maybe this generation of children will like it the way lots of my generation used to like Full House...but yeah it’s awful, I hate it so much. -1 missing Tanner child out of 3

Voltron Legendary Defender (season 8) SPOILERS: It’s the final season of Netflix’s Voltron, and boy it was...something. I didn’t want to make this a big rant/defense of the show...but I feel like I have to highlight some things because this fandom is a shithole that refuses to see the good in anything.

There is so much good and so much...not good I can say about it, so here’s a couple things. I know this show didn’t go the direction anyone wanted, but that doesn’t make it bad. In addition to the stunning fight scenes and music, the performances this season were just amazing! I literally wanted to cry every other episode even though sometimes I didn’t know why the fuck something was happening. I don’t know how I feel about Honerva’s plan. I understand her motivation, but I was constantly questioning how we got from point A to point B... so yeah the plot and writing could be...weird at times. Also everyone seemed to have super pointy chins this season...

Spoiler alert: Not many of us wanted Lance and Allura to happen, but I truly believe it wasn’t done in a half assed way. At the very least, I appreciate that they had a genuine bond that developed over so many seasons. BECAUSE YES IT DID! Anyone who says they had no development or that it felt forced never paid attention. I wanted it to stay platonic; I wanted Klance to happen, but...I can’t be too mad at the writers because they at least tried. I still believe that Klance was endgame and the creators were forced to change the outcome of the show later on. AND YES LANCE DID GET A CHARACTER ARC! It may not have been the one we wanted to see, but I’m baffled that people think Lance living with his family, surrounded by people he loves-which is what he wanted all along- is not a happy ending. I just wish his relationship with Keith wasn’t pretty much ignored all season. But I believe Allura is his past that taught him to genuinely love and Keith is his future who will make Lance his “first choice”. And I’m not even gonna try to explain how I feel about Shiro and Allura’s endings because everything I feel is so complicated and layered. There is good and there is bad.

TLDR: This show teaches us that we’re stronger together, and I think the “fandom” completely missed the point because they do nothing but tear others down and refuse to look at things from other perspectives. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT LIKE IT, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY OTHER PEOPLE’S ENJOYMENT AND BE A DICK ABOUT IT. It may not have been everything I wanted, but I’m glad I went on this ride. Besides, there are canonically infinite realities so there’s got to be a reality where all your dreams for the show come true. As a season, I’d say it’s a 7.5/10.

Honorable Mentions

I watched Avengers: Infinity War again. And yes it’s still great.

I’m watching Superstore because when another sitcom comes on before The Good Place, why not? Also since I finished season 5 of Brooklyn 99 I had to use my Hulu subscription for something.

Camp Camp has a holiday episode...so naturally I watched it...several times. Please watch Camp Camp.

Hellsing Ultimate Abridged finally ended, and I feel obligated to shout this out because, hey when you put out one episode a year it’s a big accomplishment to finish it!

Super Smash Bros Ultimate is finally here!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE WINTER ANIME IS ENDING!!! They were all so amazing! So shout out to Iroduku-The world in colors, Bloom into You, Hinomaru Sumo, Dakaichi, Banana Fish, Jingai no Yomen, Golden Kamuy, Skull-faced Bookseller Honda-san, Tsurune, AND RUN WITH THE WIND even though they’re not finished yet.

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mst3kproject · 6 years

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Gamera vs Jiger (1970)

That’s right, Hollywood After Dark was actually so fucking depressing I decided the only thing that could cheer me up was a Gamera movie – and lo! When I typed our sabre-toothed saviour’s name into YouTube, up pops this film, which I’d never seen! Gamera vs Jiger was directed by Noriaki Yuasa, who brought us the other Gamera films, and features a really annoying noise and some even more annoying little kids!

The city of Osaka is getting ready to host some kind of world’s fair. Young Hiroshi is particularly eager to see it, as is his American friend Tommy, because their families are both intimately involved with the preparations. Hiroshi’s father, an inventor, is building mini-submarines for one exhibit, while Tommy’s, an archaeologist, is bringing in a mysterious stone statue all the way from Wester Island in the Pacific. The statue is called The Devil’s Whistle and the natives don’t want to let it go, because a legend says it’s the only thing keeping away something called Jiger. Boy, I bet that won’t come back to bite anybody in the ass, will it?

Turns out the reason the statue is called the Devil’s Whistle is because when wind blows over the hole in its top, it makes a really, really annoying sound that drives everybody insane – the crew of the ship transporting it, the audience, and a weird warthog-dinosaur-looking creature. Sure enough, this is Jiger, who sets out to destroy the statue and anything else it might happen to come across. Looks like a job for Gamera to me!

Now, the formula for these movies is to have Gamera get injured in an early fight, so that the people of Japan have to try to take on the monster themselves. They then fail, and Gamera miraculously returns, summoned by the whining of bratty children in tiny shorts, to save the day! That’s what happens here, too. So how does Gamera lose his first face-off against Jiger? Is he frozen, like he was by Barugon? Held at bay by a threat to children, like he was by Viras? Beat up and forced to retreat to the water to heal, like by Guiron or Gyaos?

Hell no! Jiger is much more creative. The first time the two monsters fight, Jiger fires quills into Gamera’s arms and legs so he can’t pull them into his shell and fly away, then rolls him over on his back and leaves him on a rocky island to starve to death! Then we have to watch Gamera try to flip himself over again using his tail, screeching out in pain the entire time, and it truly is the sorriest I’ve ever felt for him. Then at their second encounter, Jiger stabs Gamera in the shoulder with some kind of stinger, and Gamera staggers off in agony. There’s then this bizarre sequence where the kids take one of those tiny submarines down Gamera’s esophagus and find that Jiger has implanted a fucking embryo in his chest which is now devouring him from the inside out like one of those creepy spider wasps! Holy shit! Since when did Gamera do body horror?

Gamera spends so much of this movie in obvious pain, I think it would probably be rather distressing for a child to watch. The part where the embryo is growing inside him, and Gamera turns white with his skeleton briefly visible before his glowing eyes go out, actually distressed me and I’m in my thirties. I think this might be the only time I’ve actually seen the children in one of these movies give up on Gamera in what sounds like honest despair, when Hiroshi declares, “oh, he’s dead!” It feels weird to talk about a Gamera movie being dark, but this one gets there.

After the ridiculousness of Gamera vs Guiron, Gamera vs Jiger represents the series trying to regain some of its self-respect and the respect of its audiences (as demonstrated by the fact that the next installment was Gamera vs Zigra, it didn’t work). The dark content is probably an intentional part of this, and it sits a little uneasily alongside the cheerful absurdity that naturally comes of this being a Gamera movie. Sometimes it kind of works, but more often it really doesn’t. The miniatures and matte paintings are as terrible as anything in Mighty Jack or, for that matter, in previous Gamera films. The music includes classics like We’re Gonna Ride our Bicycles and of course the immortal Love Theme from Gamera, sung by a chorus of slightly tone-deaf grade-schoolers. The pun ‘Wester Island’ is kind of awe-inspiring in its sheer lameness, and the dialogue includes technical language like ‘it’s based on super-ultra-violent waves!’ The foleyed-in footsteps sound like all the actors are wearing tap shoes. The dubbing sucks. The dubbing of the children, particularly Tommy’s little sister Susan, is so terrible it actually manages to suck and blow at the same time.

My favourite nugget of silliness is the scene in which one of the scientists shows a slide of an x-ray of Gamera. How the fuck do you x-ray Gamera?! Imagine the host sketch in which Joel and the bots try to figure it out!

But Gamera movies, like all kaiju eiga, live and die by their monsters and the fighting between them. The Gamera of Gamera vs Jiger looks as dumb and rubbery as he ever did (I’m particularly fond of his belly-flop landings), but Jiger is actually pretty cool and mean-looking, with a surprisingly plausible quadrupedal gait – while Guiron always looked like a guy crawling around in a rubber costume, Jiger actually moves like a four-legged animal and I can only attribute this to a very gifted suit-maker. Some of Jiger’s powers, like its quill-shooting, are quite interesting and scary. Others, like its ability to fly by shooting steam out of its ears, are laugh-out-loud stupid.

The fights themselves are kind of interesting in that they are battles of wits, as well as monster fights. Both Gamera and Jiger are depicted as observing their enemy and learning from what they see. In the first fight, Gamera learns that Jiger will try to wrap its tail around his neck, and pulls his head into his shell at the last minute. Jiger learns that Gamera must retract his limbs in order to fly, and uses the quills to prevent this. The fact that both combatants are intelligent ups the ante quite a bit, without giving them the childlike human motivations that turned the monsters of Godzilla vs Megalon into cartoon characters. The brutality I mentioned continues into the final fight, culminating in Gamera impaling Jiger in the face with the statue that started the whole thing!

Just as often, of course, the fights are ridiculous. There is a bit where Gamera throws Jiger up in the air, but Jiger lands on the other end of the fallen tower Gamera is standing on, launching him into some buildings in turn like something out of a kaiju-fueled Rube Goldberg machine.

The setpiece sequence of the film, and the one that sets it apart from any other Gamera movie, is the Fantastic Voyage bit where the two boys go inside him with the submarine to remove the Jiger embryo. Fantastic Voyage was made in 1966, so I suspect it was indeed the inspiration. Unfortunately, Gamera’s innards are not nearly as cool as anything in the earlier film – and in retrospect, Fantastic Voyage doesn’t even look that cool anymore. Instead, the baby Jiger chases the kids around on an obvious stage set, among tunnels that aren’t nearly gooey enough to be something’s anatomy. The inside of Gamera’s lungs are made of inflated plastic bags with some algae inside them, and seeing the Jiger suit at its actual size is laughable. For all that, though, the sequence is sometimes pretty tense, and when it fails at that it’s at least amusing.

I do like Gamera movies in general. I mean, yeah, they’re not very good, they’re not particularly meaningful and they’re not gonna win any awards, but they’re fun to watch, fun to write about, and fun to heckle with friends. I’d even say that Gamera vs Jiger is one of the better ones. It doesn’t have the annoyingly irrelevant moral of Gamera vs Zigra, and a lot more money, effort, and creativity went into it than that movie or Gamera vs Guiron. It helps a lot that the kids here are a little older – Hiroshi and Tommy are specifically described as being twelve years old, instead of the five or six-year-old Kenny and Helen from Zigra. The kids do keep ending up in places they don’t belong but for once the adults respond fairly realistically to this.

In reviewing Gamera vs Barugon I noted that insofar as Gamera symbolizes anything, it’s probably childlike faith in good overcoming evil. Apparently I was right, because that is explicitly stated in the closing scene of Gamera vs Jiger – the adults admit that Hiroshi and Tommy were right about Gamera being the hero Japan needs, and that they should have believed in him. This is still a weird attitude to take towards a giant monster that wrecks almost as much shit as Jiger does, but I guess that’s just something you have to accept about kaiju eiga. There’s also some attempt at a statement with the world’s fair setting, in that what Gamera has saved is a place where all humanity can come together to learn from each other. Gamera movies do seem to be basically optimistic in outlook, positing that humans are basically good and higher forces are looking out for us, and that’s probably one of the things I like about them.

As one final note, the movie claims that ‘Wester Island’ is the last remaining bit of the lost continent of Mu. Godzilla vs Megalon did something similar with Easter Island and ‘Seatopia’, and was made only three years later… did one inspire another, or were Easter Island and Lost Continents just big things in Japan in the early 70’s? If the former, that represents a rather curious inversion: Gamera began his life as a ripoff of Godzilla, but many years later we find Godzilla movies stealing ideas from Gamera instead!

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #gamera vs jiger #70s #antiimperialist kaiju

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adamreviewsthings · 6 years

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES SUCKS.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is a dreadfully boring movie. It plain sucks.

Like, It took me 3 tries to sit through it. At one point I threw an empty bottle across the room when I saw that I still had 55 minutes left in it.

The love stories are terrible. Penelope Cruz and Ian McShane are kinda lame. Johnny Depp’s shtick is wearing thin. I can’t not see Tommy Wiseau all over Johnny Depp’s continually sloppier and slurrier Jack Sparrow.

The missionary and the mermaid romance was literally the worst romance I have ever seen on screen. Like, he got his first boner ever seeing her boobs and now they’re in love.

The mermaid attack was kind of cool, but then the rest of this whole mermaid people curse plot thing is just boring.

I saw everything in the plot coming about 20-40 minutes early.

Like, this movie was even too boring to be background nonsense while I played Roller Coaster Tycoon on my phone and ate mini donuts.

One of the biggest issues is how Jack Sparrow has just the most insane plot armour. Nothing hurts him. Not jumping off a cliff. Not jumping off a tower. Not any of that ridiculous chase scene. Not any of the moronic escape scene.

It was endearing when like some minor level of absurd hijinks worked in his favour, but its too many bananas when Jack is Assassin’s Creed-ing across the landscape where every action creates a cascade of other actions that perfectly create the exact calamity and circumstances for the wacky outcome to happen flawlessly. And then to follow it with a joke thats basically Jim Halpert staring into the camera.

There is a lot of fun ideas, but a bit of simple grounding would have gone a long way to make this more interesting. It isn’t the subject matter that needs to be realistic. The Fast and Furious movies get bigger and dumber each time and its great.

But but but like maybe a bit more realism when Jack Sparrow is bounding across palm trees and swinging from them like he’s Spider-man. It sucks the tension from tense moments when you know he’s going to slip on a banana, somersault into a cow that kicks a pig who runs into windmill that falls over with the sails doing skateboard tricks that launch a coconut into space hitting the moon that changes the tides so Jack’s tumbling body lands perfectly behind the wheel of a ship before anyone can catch him. Or whatever.

Sometimes the human kickstarted rube goldberg machine is fun. But not in almost every chase/escape/action sequence. Less is more. Ant-Man doesn’t have Michael Pena doing his story telling gag 2, 3, 5, 69 times a film.

The generic Spaniards were possibly the most interesting part of the movie. And they were generic nerds.

Sword fights are cool.

How can you drink from chalices that are shattered? Like the metal lip edge of the cup have giant gaps between the stone cup portion. But the characters just shoved them towards their faces. You wouldn’t have drank squat with that cup. Like eating soup with a fork.

This movie just sucks. It isn’t worth the commitment unless you’re really a big Pirates of the Caribbean fan.

But honestly, singing water demon creature. Name: Syrena. Like serene beauty but also a siren. Seriously, that subplot was an instant “don’t care” and it never made me care.

#pirates #pirates of the caribbean #on stranger tides #johnny depp #jack sparrow #movie #review #disney

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disneydreamlights · 4 years

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Local Heather talks about theme parks: See the whole thing under read more.

(This is specifically about Hollywood Studios in two parts. The first is talking about the two new rides and the second is about thoughts on the park.)

It’s kinda amazing how two rides can use the same technology and come out feeling completely different.

Mickey and Minnie was cute. There were a lot of little easter eggs I noticed riding it (The numbers 1928 and 1901 both showed up, the year Steamboat Willie released and Walt’s birth year respectively) and I enjoyed it in the moment, but looking back at it, it had a lot of issues.

First, Spider-Man spoiled me big time. There’s a sequence in Runaway Railway where you’re supposed to be falling down a waterfall and you just kinda watch a screen for it and all my brain could do was compare it to the scene where you fall down the building in Spider-Man or when you make downward motions in Dinosaur and the fact that you stay even on and don’t even tightly tilt to match the motions was like...insanely immersion breaking. I also didn’t like the usage of screens here. When the characters or set pieces were actually there it looked really good. Like there was a moment where there was a Donald in a booth or the Goofy in the train you see in the beginning and those were very good and cool looking, and the aesthetic lends itself well to a bright and colorful dark ride, but the scenes that were largely made of screens felt super flat. Like it felt super obvious they were projections rather than set pieces and the room felt like you were just in a square box rather than in the moment. There were just a lot of little immersion breakers honestly. Like I’m used to rides feeling like...well rides, but this one truly felt like a ride rather than a glimpse into the world of the Mickey cartoons which is really sad.

Rise, meanwhile, was like...as opposite of that as you can go. From the moment you enter the Resistance base and get your mission to the moment you leave the car to return to Batuu and exit the ride you would think Star Wars is actually real. The only theming I have ever seen that comes even remotely close to matching this is Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade areas over in Universal. Like Flight of Passage who? Pandora what? They are nothing compared to this. Even the rooms in Rise that are mostly video rather than set pieces don’t feel like it. Both preshows are absolutely insane (BB-8 and the Rey projection in the first one look so cool and the second preshow’s effects blew me away. Kudos to the First Order cast members as well. Like I was nervous around the guest interaction because I always get a little flustered with in character interaction but whoever our cast member was you poking around at me for pulling out my phone while I waited for the ride doors to open was great) and the integration of video and animatronics is just as good, if not better, than Na’vi River Journey. The free fall, which freaks me out no matter what the ride, was so well camouflaged by a screen you’d think you were in a motion sim rather than an actual free fall if not for the earlier elevator. (Which is great for my own anxiety with free falls.) I’m just like...I’m still in awe. I don’t know what I expected from this ride but it’s just incredible.

Like it’s amazing because they’re both the same type of rides. They’re trackless dark rides, but one is just kind of okay but the other really captures the heart and soul of Disney Imagineering with phenomenal effort and the other is just...well just okay. And it’s fascinating to think about how that happened but it’s the same as the Spider-Man and Transformers effect. Anyways Mickey and Minnie is a solid 6/10, probably worth about a 30 minute wait time at most, definitely not a good replacement for GMR although I don’t think had it been a new ride instead of replacing a classic my opinion would change either. Rise is a 10/10 and while I wouldn’t get up at 6 AM for a boarding pass that’s really only because I have some sense. Not a lot, but some.

Either way, I’m actually surprised and actually happy to add onto this that MGM is no longer my least favorite park in Orlando anymore? Rise of the Resistance exists and it’s great and I have a soft spot for Galaxy’s Edge as a whole. And MGM is the perfect park for it as well so I can’t even really get mad at it existing either.

#personal stuff

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fromheretoasgard · 7 years

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Random Marvel Cinematic Universe Ponderings - 7/24/17

Haven’t done one of these in a while. I also haven’t regularly updated my Tumblr in a while. I shall endeavor to correct that. Lot of ground to cover with this write-up that no one will read, so buckle up, because it’s going to be a long one. (For the record, I mainly write these things for MY benefit. I think it’s fun and I like getting my thoughts down. But hey, if anybody gets enjoyment out of reading this, then all the better.)

Also, if you don’t like spoilers for future MCU projects, I’ll be discussing a fair deal of them here. Just a warning.

- Consider Ghost Rider’s power level in the MCU. For the most part, he’s unstoppable. He can’t be contained, he can’t be slowed down and he (seemingly) can’t be killed. He may be lacking in physical strength, but he’s insanely durable and he can vaporize anyone with a single touch. Even in human form, just think about Robbie’s considerable healing factor: Any injury Robbie sustains is instantly healed by transforming into the Rider, and when he reverts back, he’s in tip-top shape. Plus it seems that he retains some of the Rider’s extreme durability as a human. Overall, Ghost Rider is easily one of the most powerful heroes in the MCU.

- I’m ashamed to admit this, being the MCU superfan that I consider myself to be, but I still haven’t finished Iron Fist. I still have two and a half episodes to go. Don’t get me wrong, I like the characters, and I find the storyline compelling, but it just moves so slowly. This is coupled with my extremely short attention span. I need to finish the season before The Defenders is released on August 18th.

- This probably won’t happen, but you know what I would love to see in Captain Marvel? Well, given the film’s early 1990s setting, I think it would be really cool if we saw a CXD 23215 Airborne Mobile Command Station in use. For the uninitiated, they’re large, extensively modified Boeing jets, one of which was prominently used in the early seasons of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. used as their traveling base of operations and designated as “The Bus”. Coulson mentions in the pilot episode of the series that the planes were used by S.H.I.E.L.D. in heavy rotation in the 90s, before the agency developed the helicarrier. Also, Nick Fury is making an appearance in Captain Marvel, so it’s a safe bet that we’ll be seeing other elements of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the film. So, to put two and two together, it would make a great deal of sense to actually see a few CXD’s in use during that particular film.

- I’m worried that since the Skrulls are being introduced in Captain Marvel, that Marvel Studios will try and adapt the “Secret Invasion” storyline at some point. I do not like this story at all. I have no desire to have my favorite characters turn out to be aliens the whole time.

- I loved Spider-Man: Homecoming. In my opinion it got the character of Peter Parker a.k.a. Spider-Man completely, one-hundred right. And one of my favorite aspects of that was the fact that he quips while fighting. A core component of Peter is that in the heat of battle, even when the going gets tough, he can still crack a joke. I was delighted to no end during the sequence in the film where Peter thwarts an ATM robbery being done by guys in cheap looking Avengers masks, as he takes them out while running his mouth. “*ahem* Sup guys, forget your PIN number? Woah! You’re the Avengers! What are you guys doin’ here?”

- Personally, I’m really looking forward to the upcoming MCU series, New Warriors. I’m intrigued by the fact that it’s a 30 minute sitcom and not an hour long drama, like the rest of the MCU shows. Also, as far as I’m concerned, Milana Vayntrub is impeccably cast as Doreen Green, a.k.a. Squirrel Girl. My main question is how the series will explain how the characters got their superpowers, as in, how does Doreen develop the ability to communicate with Squirrels? Perhaps the show will just gloss over stuff like this.

- I thought the new trailer for Inhumans that they showed at San Diego Comic Con last week was terrific, and it certainly got me more excited than the first trailer they put out.

- According to Mark Ruffalo, in Thor: Ragnarok, the Hulk has not let Bruce Banner out in quite some time; he hasn’t reverted back to Banner in two years. As a result, the Hulk has gained the capability for rudimentary speech. He has “the vocabulary of a two-year-old” says Ruffalo. I think this is awesome, as I’ve always wanted Hulk to talk more in the MCU, and we can see a bit of this in the trailer for the film that they released on Saturday.

- “Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” This is a line from Nick Fury in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Since Fury is confirmed to have both eyes in Captain Marvel, could we be seeing the story behind that piece of dialogue in this film?

- According to the description of the Comic Con panel footage for Black Panther, T’Challa’s Panther suit can form around him. Betcha Tony Stark would like to get his hands on that kind of tech.

- It’s really remarkable that the emotional core of both Guardians of the Galaxy and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is Rocket. All this from a CGI character with Bradley Cooper’s voice acting.

#mcu #Marvel Cinematic Universe

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scrawnydutchman · 7 years

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Why Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 1 is (currently) The Best Spider-Man Film

Thanks to the everlasting popularity and success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and DC following steadily in their footsteps by creating a cinematic universe of their own (though very haphhazardly), superheroes are arguably a more prominent piece of our culture then they ever were before. Characters that were so obscure only readers of the comics would know them are now household names among our new generation as more and more celebrities are hopping on the gravy train in hopes of taking part in the next box office blowout. But not too long ago was a time where there were only 3 heroes that even non fans knew pretty much the core essentials about, including their real identities, origin stories, rogues gallery and supporting characters. Those three heroes were Superman, Batman, and of course everybody’s favorite friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Premiering in Marvel’s Amazing Fantasy #15 in 1962, Spider-Man skyrocketed to popularity even in spite of some of Stan Lee’s cohorts adamantly protesting the idea of a teenage lead character with coming of age problems based on a “bug everyone hates”. But obviously the idea stuck and left a huge impact with audiences, primarily because he was a character who lead a life comics most prominent demographic at the time could relate to and whose superhero antics left real consequences on his regular life. He was a character who had something to lose for doing good, but did good anyway. That’s a level of drama Superman and Batman weren’t offering at the time and arguably still aren’t, and as a result for a long time Spidey was the 3rd highest grossing comic book franchise in the world until it was beaten by the manga phenomenon One Piece.

So naturally a character often put on the same pedestal as the other two greats has gone through his fair share of varying film adaptations; more then Superman, not quite as much as Batman. The Sam Raimi Spider-Man series was a box office and critical success for it’s first two releases but went downhill with the third movie nearly everyone agrees is a trainwreck clusterfuck of poor ideas (personally I think it’s only as silly as the previous 2 films with the exception of the following gif).

a short time after that we got the Sony reboot with The Amazing Spider-Man series which many critics have panned for it’s overly complicated story arcs, overtly goofy tone (because apparently people still don’t realize that goofy and Spider-Man sort of go hand in hand), and a Peter Parker who many deem far too cool and slick (because if there’s anything I want from my new adaptation, it’s the exact same depiction of a character I got years ago). The 2nd installment especially got some shit. But quite honestly I think these movies are passable. I went in asking for cool Web Slinging action with interesting visuals and teenager related problems and that’s what I got, and I’d even go as far as say the second film improved upon the first as it’s far more colorful and dynamic looking and it’s easier to make out what’s going on in the action scenes.

Eventually Sony handed the rights to Spider-Man back to Marvel after their runs critical panning, when the web slinger showed up in one of the cinematic trailers for Captain America: Civil War, naturally everyone lost their SHIT. It was probably the most talked about factor about the movie for quite some time and a major contributor to it’s success. Now we have a new Spidey movie on it’s way with Marvel Studios’ Spider-Man: Homecoming, about a young Peter Parker being taken under the wing of seasoned superhero Tony Stark/Iron Man and finding it within himself to be a competent and reliable hero. Based on the trailers I’ve seen the new adaptation looks pretty promising and I’m excited to see what new life Marvel has to breathe into the franchise now that they have their most precious baby back.

But until this movie comes along I have to wonder; what Spider-Man movie is the best? Which one best captures the spirit of the web slinger? which one has the best villain, the most memorable scenes, the best action? Many people would argue Raimi’s Spider-Man 2 is the best of the Spidey films, and while I agree that film is very entertaining, after giving it some thought … I’d have to say the first movie from 2002 is the best.

The number one reason I think the first Spider-Man movie is the best is because, quite simply, I think it comes the closest to getting Spider-Man. Most likely due to the fact that it follows his origin story more or less to a tee. Nerdy kid who everyone picks on in school goes on a class field trip to a science museum, gets bitten by radioactive spider, gets superpowers, uses them for personal gain, refuses to stop crook, crook kills uncle, spidey gets revenge only to discover had he just acted responsibly he could have saved his uncles life, from then on swearing nobody would ever pay that price for his lack of responsibility ever again. We get the absolute essentials, give or take the invention of web shooters. Nothing more. No cryptic bullshit about a conspiracy centered around Peter’s parents, no dancing around saying the phrase “with great power comes great responsibility”, we get the simple cut and dry story as it was meant to be told, and for the first time that this story be accessible to this wide an audience that’s precisely how you should do things.

From there on we hop into some goofy comic book inspired action and slapstick we’d want from our Spider-Man movie. The action in this film may not be as dynamic or crazy as the action in Spider-Man 2 and it certainly hasn’t aged as gracefully, but for it’s time period it was unlike anything we’ve ever seen before and in many ways still holds up. Not only that but I think the action in this film is superior thematically. There are real stakes whenever Green Goblin attacks, and it has great use of shadows and camera angles and music in it’s climax that really sticks out to me as an emotional and suspenseful ending to a film. Green Goblin is legitimately threatening in the film but also the right kind of goofy and hilarious. Compare that to it’s sequel where, the climax isn’t even the most memorable part of the film. the action sequence that happens in the MIDDLE of the movie is the one everybody remembers so fondly.

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Truthfully, I think what’s more important then having impressive visual effects is having timelessly iconic visuals, because while the former all too often fades in it’s appeal with time the latter lasts forever. I adore the climax of this movie because of it’s ups and downs in tone and atmosphere. it starts off dead quiet with no music accompaniment and every punch feels and sounds painful (the sound effects are especially great). Green Goblin is just absolutely wailing on Peter, whereas nothing Doc Ock ever did to him felt nearly as consequential. This goes for New Goblin, Sandman and Venom too. Overall, much like in the comics and other shows, the Goblin has proven to be more of a bane to Spideys existence then any other villain. He murdered his girlfriend, made his best friends life a living hell, and in this film after finding out Spideys identity he goes after everyone he loves with a vengeance. Really, Goblin just does everything the following villains ever did before it was cool. And unlike the villains afterward that were legitimately good people just caught in bad situations (or Venom who had such little screentime his motivation didn’t matter anyway) Goblin remained sinister the whole way through up until his demise. What’s more important then a realistic relatable character, is a motivated character, and often times the best villains are the ones who are just so unapologetically malicious. The Joker has such an appeal and so does the Goblin.

Overall, I just think this film is the tightest of the Spidey movies. It had the absolute essentials of what makes Spider-Man … Spider-Man. it has the origin story as it was meant to be told, it has the moral conflict of Peter Parker down, it has his love interest present and serviceable enough without contriving the main focus, it has a compelling villain, it has a perfectly cast selection of supporting characters (you will NEVER find a better J. Jonah Jameson then J.K. Simmons. Never. It’s just impossible. Forget about it.). It’s delightfully goofy just like a Spider-Man film should be. It tells it’s story without contrivances or undercooked subplots that serve no other purpose then to be material for sequel territory. It’s action scenes, while dated, convey tone and stakes and drama very well and have perfect action beats. It doesn’t rely on weird unexplained story arcs coming and going to illustrate a point (did we ever get an explanation as to why the hell Peter randomly lost his powers in the second movie and then got them back at just the right time?). It does everything it does at a time where it’s fresh and brand new, unlike it’s sequels that basically just tries to do that again (villain that has something that drives them to insanity, threatens safety of girlfriend, ends up killing themselves somehow so Spider-Man doesn’t have to. Oh, and the shoehorned American patriotism). It has a villain that has direct ties to Peter’s life since the beginning and leaves such an impact the seeds of his actions are planted in the following films. The first Spider-Man is just a raw, beat for beat, purposeful Spider-Man movie that has no ulterior motives then to be a faithful adaptation with only a few necessary changes. And for that I like it a lot.

#spiderman #the amazing spider-man #tasm #spider-man homecoming #homecoming #film #comic books #reboots #marvel #dc #sony #spider-man #marvel studios

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