#seriously though the minute I I first knew about the premise of “The Island of Dr. Warneau” it immediately gave me “Knock It Off” vibes

[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

The Warner Siblings and The Powerpuff Girls are more similar than you think

Both groups of siblings:

Are a "Beauty, Brains, and Brawn" trio

(Simply put, Dot and Bubbles are both "the cute one")

(Blossom is studious, well organised, and often uses her brain to save the day; Yakko is a "smarty-pants", often outsmarts foes (and sometimes his sibs), and is very knowledgeable about academics-particularly geography and history)

(Buttercup is "the toughest fighter" and Wakko is the most destructive Warner and the most likely to use a mallet)

Are artificial beings who were created on the same day, not as babies but as children

Have a scientist as a guardian

Had a different scientist mass produce deformed clones of them, who eventually rebelled against him

Are insanely powerful to the point of being almost indestructible

(the PPG have superpowers due to Chemical X, and the Warners have Toon Physics/Force)

Became outcasts because of said abilities

Have comic-exclusive evil counterparts

Have fought the devil

...and have anime counterparts

In conclusion...um...Animaniacs good. Powerpuff Girls good. Watch them.

[harrys-reverie]

DOG YEARS // Harry Styles O.U.

Part 2: The Bar Cart

a/n: hey and welcome to part 2! this is kind of short but I felt that it  needed to be it’s own chapter (in my head it makes sense.) aw harry and colette are v sweet in this one (i love them already). also there is colette’s face claim in the collage/mood board above including real pics from the soho farmhouse. :) comments, likes and REBLOGS are v much appreciated happy reading! 

STORY PAGE // PART 1

What I had concluded throughout the night was that this small group of Harry and his friends were just so normal. It was so easy to watch him on a phone clip or on the screen of a TV for an award show and have a false preconception of who he was. After all, he was a huge celebrity -- it’s hard not to imagine him being a certain way. I never could have dreamed he would be the way he is though, I suppose that’s the beauty of first getting to know somebody. As the hours weened late and the clock neared 12 AM, I realized Harry Styles was as normal as any man in a baby chick sweater could be. 

I had never been a massive Harry Styles fan, sure if his song came on the radio I bopped along. If I saw him on my Snapchat Daily Mail snippets, I’d read them every so often — but other than that I had no true preconception of who he was and what he was about. I guess that came in my favor because I had no high expectations from him and therefore he could only go up from there. Throughout the night the five of us took an abundant amount of shots and played a few childish ‘Truth or Dare’ games. I found myself taking a shot of maple syrup and pickle juice MIXED — Harry’’s idea of a dare.

This was the most fun I had since moving over here to England, and in the presence of all these ‘misfit’ like personas, I felt at home. There was no awkward beats, shame or egos. The whole atmosphere was completely judgement free and as light as a feather. I talked to everyone, chatting away about California, good food spots, sports and more. I found it so refreshing to be able to relate to other people’s stories about my home state, a place I was starting to long for.

It was fair to say that we were all peak drunk around 12, dancing along to old 70’s hits as well as current ones. Jamie tried to teach us all  ‘TikTok’ dances she had learnt from her children back home. Of course the 5 of us tried our best to be choreographed and in sync, but failed miserably. Little did they all know I spent most of my free time perfecting these stupid dances. Of course any videos we took, were never posted publicly...but some did make the cut as a private post to a whopping 0 followers. Watching Harry Styles sing the words “I'm a savage. Classy, bougie, ratchet, sassy, moody, nasty” with a bunch of hip pops was an award winning scene.

So as it reached 1 am, I was near my max of what I could handle for the night. My head which was once spinning was now beginning to pound and that gross dry feeling in my mouth was taking over. I hated this part. I didn’t feel sick to my stomach yet but I knew if I didn’t get sleep soon I’d be regretting it.

“Hey, so do ya need a ride back home?” Harry’s raspy voice asked, reading the room very well. He had taken a sudden seat next to me on the couch, spreading his legs apart and laying his head back fully — complete relaxation.

“You drank tonight,” I reprimanded him jokingly. But I meant it, he was the most plastered of all of us. “You can’t drive, even if it’s just down the hill.”

“Can’t argue with that,” He hummed. “’M pretty trashed still.”

I turned my head towards him, he was still looking up as if he was admiring the wood paneled ceilings, taking every detail in. But when I looked closer, his eyes were shut. His face structure was flawless if I’d say so myself. His jaw looked like it could cut someone, his eyebrows full enough to make any girl jealous, and those floppy, thick waves — it was hard to admit that he wasn’t handsome. I blinked my eyes hard, trying to get out of the small trance I was under. I was drunk after all.

“Well…” I began, “I need to start heading down to my casa.”

“Well…” Harry chirped, directing his attention towards me. “If I can’t drive you back down, the least I could do is walk you there.”

“No, please,” I scoffed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Shaddup and grab your coat, it’s about to get chilly out there.”

I knew I’d manage doing the walk by myself well enough alone. The premises of Soho Farmhouse were protected with heavy security and gates. I knew I had no reasons to worry about a swift 5 minute trudge down a hill.

“No Harry, seriously. I’ll be fine!” I argued back, forming a tight lip smile to reassure him.

“Who knows?  A bloody chicken could be loose and start chasing you, ya? Plus, it’s my duty to make sure you get back safe. Now, up!” He instructed. “’M a gentleman.”

I knew there was no point in fighting back, he was adamant about it. Plus the look on his face when I obliged was well worth it. 

The two of us said our quick fair wells to everyone  who was still gathered round the kitchen island talking amongst each other. It might have been the alcohol, but I felt oddly emotional saying goodbye to all of them. For the first time in a month I made what felt like real connections with a group of people and all I wanted was to hang out with them forever. I was bummed knowing Jamie and Jeff would only be here for another week or so.

“Shall we take the wagon, bar cart contraption thing?” Harry offered, pointing to the blue wagon filled with alcohol. 

“I don’t even have the keys.”

“Fair enough, walking it is.”

“Thanks for having me tonight,” I spoke tiredly.

“Don’t even worry about it. Glad to be of assistance in the ‘lit’ department,” He laughed, using quotations around the word lit.

“You’re very Americanized,” I noted. He turned his head to me, raising his eyebrow as if he had just been accused of something terrible.

“That’s why I’m back here in the English countryside. Trying to ween away from all that LA bullshit…” He admitted, running a hand through his hair nervously.

“LA bullshit?” I asked, appalled...maybe even a little offended. Although I had lived in Northern California, an insult to one city of my state was an insult to all.

“Yeah, erm, spent too much time there ‘s all...” Harry mumbled. I was almost sure by his tone he was not giving off the complete truth but I didn’t want to push. Harry started to fiddle with his bottom lips, hit teeth constantly biting it over and over. Most likely a nervous habit. 

We continued walking along the cobblestone in silence, the click-clack of our shoes echoing through the emptiness of the night. Despite the quietness of it all, it felt pretty comfortable.

“I love LA,” I offered sheepishly. “I mean, as long as you surround yourself with the right people, I think LA’s one of the best places you could be.”

“Well you’re just saying that,” He countered. “You’re from California, you’re supposed to say that.”

“False!”

“I loved LA too,” Harry admitted, focusing his attention back to the cobblestone ground ahead of him.

“Loved?” I asked inquisitively.

He turned his gaze to me and laughed, “It’s complicated.”

“LA can have that effect,” I said back, trying not to delve any deeper. I had just met him today after all, there was no reason for him to trust me with any of his problems. 

“I think you staying here will definitely be a big change. It’s about as simple as it gets.” I didn’t want to delve any deeper and invade his privacy so I took his explanation as it was. I couldn’t help but think there may have been a direct correlation with his quick mood change yesterday and his reasoning for disliking California. 

“Looking forward to it,” He smiled. “‘S kinda just like, the perfect situation for me. No press, no distractions, just focusing on myself...the music.”

“Mmm, exciting.”

Harry caught my gaze, “You’ve got no idea.”

We began to approach my cottage, the smallest one on the property. The lights on in the kitchen we’re still on from when I left. They were now shining through the windows giving a angelic glow to the darkness of the night.

“No rush to get up early tomorrow.” Harry insisted as we approached the large wooden door. I looked at him excitedly, all I wanted to do was sleep in after tonight and he had just granted me his permission to do so.

“Really?” I questioned.

He nodded his head, “I’ll be sleeping in late too. Bloody tired.”

“Alright I’ll just wait for a text from Jeff..”

Harry cut me off swiftly, “Or myself.” He pointed a finger to his chest playfully.

“Or yourself,” I agreed.

“But don’t worry, like I said, sleep in and uh I’ll see you tomorrow maybe.”

For some unknown reason the air between us felt extremely awkward. I was still a little tipsy, but coming down quickly. I thought to myself that if this was any other guy, I’d probably be on my tippy toes and ready to kiss him, because why not? But it was Harry Styles. He was like my boss, I guess, and he’d have no interest in me. If anything he’d file a restraining order if I tried to pull something like that. I pulled my jacket closer to my body as the air swirled around us.

“Alright well goodnight!” I exclaimed bringing him in for a quick side hug. Harry quickly turned it into a full on hug, giving me a tight squeeze. He smelled divine. How badly I wanted to arch my head up and meet his lips, which were probably freezing. The alcohol just does something to me and makes me want to kiss almost anybody to be fair. Making out with friends whilst drunk was one of my famous traits. It was like he had handed his warmth over to me because being embraced in him I instantly felt warmer, any shivers I once had were gone.

He let go of me and awkwardly stood there, his hands flying into his pockets. “Just want to make sure you get in safe,” He noted, bringing his lips into an awkward smile, shooting his gaze towards the door.

“Oh yeah, of course,” I laughed nervously. I emphasized the key in my hand, giving him a big smile as I twisted it and unlocked the heavy door.

“Right,” He muttered.

“Get back safe!” I chirped, allowing myself to fully walk in the warmth of my cottage and turning to face him.

“I’ll text you.”

“Oh?” I arched my eyebrow at him jokingly.

“Goodnight, Colette.” And with that he turned on his feet, slowly waking back up the treacherous hill and to his abode.

I slammed the door fast, the thunderous noise vibrating through my whole cottage. I rested my back against it in a state of relief and confusion of the encounter I had just endured. Pulling myself back together and avoiding any intrusive thoughts I may begin to think, i decided to start up a hot shower and brew myself tea.

HARRYS POV

I felt weird. I hadn’t felt this way since the night I had met Camille, years ago at a friends party. It was a feeling I longed for, but also was scared of. The creative side of me wanted to embrace the feeling, the broken side of me wanted to steer clear. I knew the girl I had just waved goodbye to depended on this job, I couldn’t just ask for a replacement — plus, I was intrigued. I felt like I was at tug of war with myself over a girl I had just met earlier today. It was a tad ridiculous.

I figured the best thing for me to do was to only call her around when trulynecessary. It wasn’t like me to be this unwelcoming, but the feeling in my stomach that was creeping up to my mind was telling me to be this way. I wasn’t going to text her tomorrow for anything. Colette, right? Yep, that was her name — how could I forget it. A face as pretty as the name. I didn’t say much when I came back into my temporary home, instead I insisted I needed sleep and get a propers nice rest of what was left of it anyways. It was the most polite way to let my dear pals know to fuck off for the night. I loved them all, but I needed to get situated and I wanted space. Time to myself is what I cherished most.

I rushed up to my bedroom, shutting the door and entering the attached bathroom. I neatly undressed myself, taking a deep stare in the mirror. I looked at myself hard, the alcohol was still in my system so I appeared a little fuzzy. I felt older, my hairline was not what it used to be in the 1D days, it didn’t bother me but I had seen some tweets about it. My facial hair was growing in kind of unevenly, this is what I get for wanting to be independent and not have a stylish take care of how I look. I preferred it that way though, that’s how it should be.

Sighing, I went for the toothbrush and started on my nightly routine. I wanted to create a new set of routine now that I was becoming accustomed into this place I’d be calling ‘home’ for the next four months.

After freshening up, I let my body get underneath the cool covers, pulling them up high up to my neck to keep me warm. I stared at my phone that was sitting on the wooden table side. I always kept my phone on Do Not Disturb when I was taking time off for myself. Seeing a bunch of missed calls and emails stressed me out, and I wanted to detach from all that. I let out a puff of air, knowing what I’d be seeing if I decided to take a look at my phone. But the alcohol that was left in me couldn’t hold back so I reached for it anyways.

I quickly opened up the safari tab and typed my own name, something I was never keen on doing. I hadn’t done it for weeks actually, but I knew there was a part of me that needed to see what was being said. Just like that, a bunch of highlights of new articles and my name as well as hers were everywhere.

“Fuck..” I sighed, closing my eyes shut for a second. “Why..”

Camille Rowe, model and famed ex girlfriend of musician and heartthrob Harry Styles releases tell all book — including steamy details of  her former romance with the star!

Click. I waited for the page to load, nervously biting my lower lip.

There’s a lot of things we should thank Camille Rowe for — her Vogue tips on how to achieve the perfect Parisian makeup look, inspiring the fabulous Harry Styles Fine Line album and now releasing a book telling us ALL about her old relationship with the man himself!

Details in the book delve deep into her once what seemed great, but now known doomed relationship with the singer. She mentions details of cheating, jealously and what Harry’s really like in the bed. Thanks Camille — you’ve answered all of our questions. Turns out, Harry is just as packed as we thought he would be!

I couldn’t read it anymore, I felt humiliated and invaded of my privacy. Privacy. The one thing I valued most in my life, the one thing I hold onto like it is the most precious jewel in the world. Privacy — the one thing Camille knew was the most important aspect of my life. I grew up in the spotlight, placed under a huge amount of pressure and scrutiny. I felt as if I was made from a testing tube so specially to fit into a mold of a person I wasn’t.

For so long in my life I had felt as if people knew everything about me, even more than I did — and that’s a harsh feeling. I regained that privacy back after leaving the band and learned how to maintain a healthy balance of showcasing who I was to the world but holding back at the same time. It was what made my albums, my art, so special. Making my songs and putting them out there was  my own personal invitation to those who listened, to get a glimpse into my life.

I felt sick and the alcohol in my stomach stirred the more I thought about that damn book.I was getting older, and alcohol didn’t clique with my body the way it used to. I opened my messages up, seeing Camille’s name at almost the top of my list of new messages, probably trying to apologize.  What she should have done was ask if I was comfortable with her releasing a book that almost solely focused on our past relationship. A relationship that was well done with for almost 3 years now. For fucks sake, I’d always have love for the lady, but she never knew when she took things too far. I finally felt at peace and fully over her, and here she was ambushing my life and swiping away my beloved privacy.

I swiped left on the unopened messages, deleting them before even reading. I had to focus on the positive, that’s why I was here in the countryside after all. I hadn’t answered my publicist since the damn book came out last week, I didn’t even know where to start or what to stay. I wanted to keep silent, MIA.

Tonight with Colette though, I forgot about it all. She was stunning, there was no denying that. Funny too, and a little shy. She didn’t come off star struck by my presence, she treated me like any bloke off the street. Normal. Dropping her off at her cottage tonight, after spending the past few hours with her bloody gorgeous face, I wanted to snog her face off. Was I getting too old to be acting that way? I didn’t want to scare her off though, and that wasn’t really my style anymore.

Hookups and shit. The amount of one night stands from my days in the band were shameful. Thinking back to having security bring girls we thought were hot to our hotel rooms for a quick fuck, was so common back then, it was insane.  It was a part of my life that I felt deep regret for, and sickened me to think about. I was young, horny, and willing to give my body up to any girl. Most of the time, I felt awkward. I’d see a girl at the bar in a fancy hotel we were at, I wouldn’t even say a word to her, 20 minutes later I was back in my room, waiting for my security to drop her off for an hour or so. No phones, sign an NDA, show ID of proof of legal age, be my type and bam, she got to be fucked by Harry Styles.

Things were so much different now, I focused more on making those connections, I found it built more of an attraction. The lead up to the sex or the relationship, was now my favorite thing. After years of getting instant sex, waiting for it had now become the best part.

I shook my head, brushing away these invasive thoughts I wanted to avoid and memories I wanted to forget. Switching off the lamp beside me and placing my phone on charge, I dozed off.

[aleheartilly]

Squinoa drabble prompt #175, please? :)

Prompt: 175. “Yes, it is a real dragon, but I can explain everything…”

REMAKE

Squall knewit was a bad idea to trust Irvine with leading his team. He just thought Zelland Rinoa would be able to balance out his… weirdness, for lack of a betterword, but he was sorely mistaken.

So now hewas watching his girlfriend and his two best friends… and apparently, their newpet.

Except for alittle, trifle fact: it wasn’t exactly a pet.

“Irvine…it’s… I can’t even…” He dragged a hand down his face. Urgh!

Zellshadowboxed, trying to avoid eye contact. Rinoa took Squall’s hand in hers andsqueezed it. Irvine casually touched his hat.

“Yes, it is a real dragon, but I canexplain everything…”

Squall narrowed his eyes at him. “Youbetter be convincing.”

Irvine cleared his voice. “Yeah. Sobasically a month ago Selphie told me about her new crowdfunding project forTrabia Garden.”

“What of it?” asked Squall. Hestarted to realize that maybe it was a bad, bad idea trusting Irvine. IfSelphie was involved too…

“She told me she wanted something bigbecause they need a lot of money and a concert simply would not cut it. Weneeded something unexpected because we’ve already tried everything we couldimagine. That’s when the girls had their girl night.”

Squall sighed. “You better beconvincing and short.”

“So, you were in Esthar with Zell.Rinoa was all alone and invited the girls over. They watched your father’smovie.”

Oh boy. Squall had the sinkingfeeling he wouldn’t like this. At all.

“Of course Seph was all excitedbecause she saw your father slay a dragon in the movie and she thought it wouldbe such a great idea to remake that movie with a real dragon. Rinoa approved!”

“What!!!” Rinoa and Squall screamedin unison. “I didn’t approve. Selphie just heard the first part of thesentence. She bolted out before I had a chance to finish!” said Rinoa, quicklyturning to her boyfriend and squeezing his hand, for good measure. She reallyhoped Squall didn’t think she was involved in that crazy idea…

“Yeah sure, anyway Seph came to myroom to explain this idea of the movie’s remake. She says, don’t you think it’sa great idea, Irvy, and I say, of course, darling, you have the best ideas. Thenshe says-“

“Irvine, convincing, and short.”

“Yeah, ok, ok! Jeez, I just wanted toexplain everything. So fast forward to two days ago when you assignedthe mission to me, Zell and Rinoa. I go to Seph and say, hi darling, I have amission, and she says, yay Irvy, where are you going? I say, the Island Closestto Hell, and she says-“

“I said short. Please.” Squallpinched the bridge of his nose. He felt a massive headache incoming.

“Ok Commander Grumpy. She asked me tocapture a dragon for her movie-“

Zell stopped shadowboxing. “Just forthe record,” he said, watching Squall, “I said it was a stupid idea.”

Great, even Zell thought it was astupid idea…

“Yeah, well you’re a party pooper so itdoesn’t count-“

“And I also said it was a crazy idea”Rinoa interrupted, squeezing again Squall’s hand. He absentmindedly squeezedback, though it lacked its usual strength.

“Yeah, yeah, duly noted, you both knoweverything. Anyway, we captured the dragon, and basically, here it is!”

Squall watched Irvine’s grin beforedragging his free hand down his face. “You seriously thought it was a good ideacapturing a Ruby Dragon to keep it as a pet?!”

“Not as a pet! We’re not so silly,”said Irvine, crossing his arms on his chest, almost offended. “As an actor!”

Selphie chose that precise moment torun out of Garden and launch herself in her boyfriend’s arms. “Yay, you’reback! Oh my gosh, you brought the dragon too! Thank you thank you thank you!”In her enthusiasm, she let Irvine go to crush both Zell and Rinoa in a painfulbear hug. “Thank you, guys!”

Finally, Selphie turned to Squall. “Wecan keep it, right? I need it for my movie remake! We’ll have a blast! And we’llraise money for Trabia, too! Can we, Squall?”

Squall sighed. He surely wasfacepalming a lot that morning. “It’s a Ruby Dragon,” he said.

“Yeah, so what?” asked Selphie,blinking.

“It’s dangerous. There are childrenin Garden…”

“But Trabia is our sister Garden!They need us! And we need that to help them! Please, Squall! Can we keepit? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“Selphie…”

“Two cherries on top!”

“Selphie stop, you’re not making anysense. We need to – hey wait a minute,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her. “Yousaid we’ll have a blast? You don’t mean-“

“I mean exactly what you think Imean. Tee-hee! You’ll be a wonderful knight! Just don’t slay the dragon forreal, ok? It’s soooooo cute, I think I’ll call it Cherry.”

“Selphie-“

“Rinoa will be the Sorceress, of course.Don’t worry Rin, your boyfriend will keep you safe! And Irvy and Zell-“

And so Selphie kept talking and Squall was not able to stop her anymore,and Balamb Garden admitted its first Ruby Dragon pet.

*********

“It was nice of you, you know,” saidRinoa when they finally got back to their apartment, after hours of Selphieplanning her movie remake and Squall trying to convince her it wasn’t such agreat idea keeping an effing dragon in the premises of Garden.

“What?”

“Letting Seph keep the dragon for hermovie,” she answered, throwing her keycard on the coffee table. “It means a lotto her, you know.”

“I’m kind of worried. There are smallchildren here. And the Training Center wasn’t built for monsters like a RubyDragon.”

“Well, you keep T-Rexes in there…”

“Yeah, but dragons are stronger.”Squall pinched the bridge of his nose, thinking. He could try and lower thedragon’s strength level with GFs… maybe close off a specific area in theTraining Center… reinforce rules about training for SeeDs and students… it couldwork, but first-

Feeling Rinoa’s eyes on him, Squall openedhis own to watch her curiously. “What?” he asked, a little wearily. She hadthat smile on her face, the one she always sported when she felt she hadfigured something out before he did. It was usually true.

“You’re thinking about what you coulddo to make this safe for everyone and humor Selphie with her movie. Right?”

Squall sighed and nodded.

“You’re so sweet,” said Rinoa, comingcloser to loosely wrap her arms around his waist.

“Trabia is our sister Garden,” heanswered, embracing her, while she raised on her tiptoes to brush her lips againsthis. “If this can help them, then we should at least think about it.”

They were silent for a little while,him thinking about security and her watching him.

“What?” he asked again.

“You always think about people andwhat they need and how to help,” she answered, watching him with love-strickeneyes. “That’s why I love you.”

“Yeah, well,” he said, scratching hishead with his hand. “I love you too.”

“And you don’t realize how you looklike your father when you do that! You’ll be perfect for the movie!”

“…now you’re pushing it.”*******

Author’s note: so, I had fun with this one. Hope it was fun foryou, too. English is my second language and I just checked this one withGrammarly, no beta-reader, but of course I’ll gladly correct mistakes if you’llbe so kind as to point them out.Thanks for asking and sorry for the really late reply

[elencelebrindal]

Gold Saints Power Ranked

So, according to the conversation I had with my friends, that started the previous post about Shaka, this is the result. I am trying to be realistic here, as much as Saint Seiya can allow me. So, no pot bullshit and no miraculous victory for the sake of the show.

Only five of them are properly ranked. All the other ones fall under the same category, sort of.  Mostly anime based, but there’s a few canon information from the manga as well. I wanted to be as thorough as possible. 

Under the cut so if you’re not interested you don’t need to scroll down like a madman. This is a really long post, and it contains all the stuff I’ve written over time plus the conclusions I’ve got from talking about this with my friends. 

I will hopefully be back with the honest opinions maybe on Wednesday. It depends on what happens the day before. 

#1 Virgo Shaka

“The man closest to god” If this alone doesn’t convince you that he’s the most powerful of the Gold Saints, remember what the premise of this character is.  Eyes closed as to stockpile huge amounts of cosmo, almost a literal deity who has Buddha with him, feared by everyone at the Sanctuary, his “death” shocked every single Saint in a five mile radius.  He used the Athena Exclamation to awaken the Eight Sense and travel to the Underworld, instead of... you know, just being annihilated from existence thanks to the power of the Big Bang. 

He wasn’t the strongest Gold Saint in the past, being overpowered by Aiolos and the twins, but became the most powerful (especially in terms of cosmo) thanks to constant training and refining.  Moreover, he has 13 years of training more that Aiolos, and possibly a good amount of training more than Saga (because come on, you really think he thought about becoming stronger during his tyranny?) and Kanon (was trapped in Cape Sounion for more that 5 minutes, I believe).

All of his techniques are terrifying. His illusions are straight-up dangerous, almost impossible to overcome, and he can get rid of a person’s five and/or six senses in the blink of an eye.  Not even Saga, Camus and Shura, who knew him and were still as powerful as they were before dying, could escape from that. 

#2 Saga & Kanon

Yes, they are more powerful than Aiolos. Why, you ask? Canonically, Saga is the strongest Gold Saint of his generation and the most powerful Saint to have ever served Athena. Kanon is basically the same. They’re not the actual strongest Saints just because it’s really illogical for them to be better than Shaka, and I’m not going 100% canon here, but somewhat 50/50 between canon and “realism”.  And...  Well, they’re been alive for longer. For the same exact reason, by the Hades Chapter, Kanon is way stronger than Saga, even though they’ve been on the same level until Saga’s death during the Sanctuary Arc. There’s no way I’ll believe that Kanon didn’t get stronger during the time Saga was dead. It’s unrealistic. 

They both have incredible mind controlling power, a claim backed up by the Demon Emperor Fist (Saga successfully mind-controlled Aiolia with this, while Kanon did the same with both Lune and Rhadamanthys), and they're able to conjure extremely powerful illusions.  They’re obviously not on Shaka’s level, because let’s not forget what happened to Saga during the Sactuary Arc: Shiryu, being blind at the time, easily defeated his illusions.  And! Kanon was able to trick Saga when he came back as a Specter, even if he retaliated.  The most dangerous technique they have clearly shows their true cosmo, and I’m not talking about the Galaxian Explosion. Sure, that’s capable of obliterating anything and anyone in its path, but it can be countered.  No, I’m talking about their ability to send people in other dimensions.  Saga’s Another Dimension and Kanon’s Golden Triangle (I think this is the English name, I might be wrong) are something to be afraid of. Not even the Thanos snap can compare to that. One second you’re chilling out in your dimension, the other you’re lost in nothingness for the rest of eternity. 

But, in the past, Aiolos was stronger than them. They only got so far, in the present day, because Aiolos died, thus allowing them to surpass him. 

Still on #2 Dohko

To whoever thinks Dohko is not one of the most powerful Gold Saints of this generation... what the hell are you doing!? Seriously, though.  Dohko survived his generation’s Holy War, 100% not out of luck, and is by far the most experienced of them all. Not only that, his cosmo is clearly out of this world. This man, misopethamenos (I had to do a double take on that one) or not, spent two hundred years without using a single drop of his cosmo.  And believe me, even if his heart slowed down, I doubt his cosmo would have simply stopped growing. It was still two hundred years. Do you want me to believe he just stayed there, idly watching, without gaining anything from that much time passing? Yeah, no. 

Still don’t believe me? Saga himself, in the manga, said that he’s the strongest Saint.  Not enough to overpower Shaka, obviously for the reasons stated above, but enough to retain his second place alongside the twins. 

#3 Aiolos

Yes, your heard me right. Third place.  Fair is fair. Aiolos was so powerful that Shion wanted him to be the next Pope. There is no denying that, and there is no denying that canonically he was stronger that Saga.  But... you see the problem, right? Aiolos died in the past. Even if he was the strongest back then, he had no way of keeping his strength going.  I still believe no one, aside from who already was as powerful as him, could be able to become stronger, so that’s the reason he gets third place.

By the time he came back in the Hades Chapter, I saw absolutely no reasons to believe it was still possible to describe him as the strongest of them all. Moreover, I saw no reasons to believe, would Aiolos be still alive, that he could claim the title of Pope as his own.  Realistically speaking, by the end of the show, Aiolos is probably the one with the least experience (having died young this sentence sounds weird) and anyone would be a better choice than him.  But we’re talking about cosmo, and his cosmo gets him the third place. 

#4 Mu

Yep.  Our beloved self-licensed blacksmith gets a spot among the most powerful Gold Saints of this generation.  Why? First of all, his master was Shion. And if you have a good master, you are a good disciple.  Second, he has the strongest psychic powers of his generation. Much like Shion, in fact. No one is better than him at psychokinesis, teleportation and telepathy, and this is backed up by the Sanctuary Arc.  Remember the time Shaka asked for his help because he didn’t have enough power to teleport both himself and Ikki back to Athena’s Sanctuary? Because I do. 

He might not be that memorable, in fact even one of my friends claimed he isn’t that good, but I beg to differ.  Mu is experienced, he had Shion to help him become a Gold Saint, he can repair any Cloth thanks to his skill, and he’s dangerous. Even if the classic series doesn’t give us the impression Mu could be a real threat, the Hades Chapter fixes everything.  The Crystal Wall? Impenetrable. The Starlight Extinction? Oh boy, what a treat. In fact, this technique in particular tells you how versatile Mu’s ability with psychic power is, since he’s able to use it both defensively (aka when he teleported Seiya away from the battle) and offensively (aka when he teleported Deathmask and Aphrodite with the objective to kill them). 

Don’t tell me he can be underestimated. because he will kick your ass into outer space. 

#5 is all of the other ones, in no particular order, because I believe they are mostly on the same level. Well, that... and they haven’t been described as “the strongest” in canon works. 

Milo

Kind of obvious I would still start with him, but at this point you know who my favorite of this 12 idiots is.  Milo’s power is a tricky one. At first it might not seem much, and I’ve been around people who described him as weak, but that’s inaccurate.  First of all, I think many people forget how devastating Milo’s cosmo is, showed to us by the destruction of Andromeda Island, but this is not the point I’m making. 

Rather, I want to focus your attention on the Scarlet Needle.  Which, admittedly, is a scary technique, to the point of Milo not using it if the opponent surrenders.  We know that Gold Saints are not spotless heroes. They kill without thinking twice about it, they’re brutal, they never abandon a fight until someone dies. Taking this into account, the sheer fact that Milo refuses to use the Scarlet Needle on someone who surrenders is enough to make you think about it. It is stated time and time again what the Scarlet Needle is and what it does. One single hit can make the victim suffer tremendous amounts of pain, even if it doesn’t kill. If we say that this technique mimics the way a scorpion’s poison works, it’s even worse because of the effect it could have on the body.  Canonically, the Scarlet Needle causes potentially lethal blood loss on top of agonizing pain, and (but I’m not sure about this) could get rid of the five senses. Moreover, the victim can easily go crazy due to the amount of pain, and I’ve always believed a realistic effect would be an early body paralysis. He uses a technique called Restriction, after all.

Sure, if he doesn’t use Antares, if the victim doesn’t die of blood loss or succumbs to the pain, this technique can be survived. But I don’t think anyone less than a Gold Saint, a Marina General or a Judge could actually survive without Milo’s help. After all, we do see Milo stopping the course of his technique with both Hyoga and Kanon.  The reason why I don’t believe he’s stronger than the average Gold Saint of this generation (don’t forget that all of them are god-tier warriors in any case) is the random chance this technique bears. One hit cannot kill a strong opponent, and even if his entire fighting style is based on quick actions there’s no way for him to predict if every single needle will hit, and there’s no way for him to know if someone he hit with Antares would 100% die. In most cases the victim dies, but they have a slight chance of surviving. 

Camus

Let’s immediately address the elephant in the room. Camus cannot reach the Absolute Zero.  Now, while in my non-canonic works I go the realistic way and make him master this temperature, I will be keeping my logic ass down.  The only thing that makes Camus different from the other Gold Saints is the fact that he uses his cosmo to stop the atoms, instead of manipulating them in other ways. In one word, cold.  There’s nothing else special about him, and I will not be biased by the fact that I love this character.  He is a cold person, he can appear insensitive and strict, but nothing about him tells me he is more powerful than the average Gold. He’s just different, not stronger. 

Obviously, I recognize how dangerous his Freezing Coffin is. If you get trapped in there, it’s over. It might not be deadly (even if it should definitely be, given a normal person is going to suffocate inside a solid block of ice), but it’s something to be afraid of.  However, it has some important weaknesses. One, it’s almost useless against moving targets. It takes too long to create, so encapsulating a person that’s moving around is not happening. Two, anyone who is able to create a lower temperature while being inside it can get out. On a more realistic level, I believe the Freezing Coffin could be an almost instantaneous technique. Camus’ cosmo is definitely able to summon enough cold energy to create one without needing too much time (think about the Freezing Coffin in Saint Seiya Awakening), but! since he’s not actually able to be that fast... you see where I’m going with this. 

Aphrodite

He has the same problem that made me put Milo in the average Gold Saints. I know that he’s dangerous, that his roses are not something to underestimate, but there’s a huge problem with random chance here.  He is said to be one of the strongest among the Saints, and people are terrified of him because of his fighting abilities and personality, but I don’t think he makes the cut to be on top simply because of the fact he mostly relies on items to channel his cosmo. Roses and vines can be effective up to a certain point, cosmo or not.  Even his most powerful technique, the Bloody Rose, can be stopped much more easily than a blow fired with raw cosmo (that is a weird sentence and I know). It can be destroyed before it hits, and a person can successfully shield themselves. I know a Bloody Rose is powerful enough to pierce a Gold Cloth, but it can be stopped. In the end, the effective power of the rose lies in Aphrodite’s ability to use it, but if his opponent knows him or uses a good defensive technique... well, it won’t work.  The vines are similar. Sure, they’re imbued with cosmo, but someone could be able to counteract them, and then what? 

Now, if Aphrodite had one particular technique, one that we’ve seen another Pisces Saint use... things would have been different. I would have believed with no question asked that he deserves to be above average.  What technique am I talking about? Crimson Thorn. Albafica’s unique attack, that he can use thanks (ironically) to his poisonous blood.  That technique doesn’t rely on external items. It doesn’t require roses, or vines, or anything else. Just the blood of the Saint. It’s dangerous because it’s almost impossible to counteract, I believe it to be extremely difficult to be aware of if you’re the opponent, and it’s lethal. That’s pure poison shot straight into your body, with no other media used to inject it.  Unfortunately for Aphrodite (or luckily?) he cannot use it, so the random chance of his attacks is very much still there, hindering my ability to put him at the top. 

Deathmask

Right off the bad, I deeply respect his psychic abilities. Being able to reach all the way to China with his cosmo is not an easy feat. This is similar to what Camus did to sink the ship even more, but ten times more powerful, since he actually took control of Shunrei’s body to make it levitate and fall.  But is this enough to win him the top spot? Nope.

Of course, I’m not saying he’s not powerful. Deathmask is able to snatch the soul off of his opponent body and send it straight to the  Yomotsu Hirasaka. That alone is scary. Imagine if there is a man, out there, capable of pointing his finger at you and BOOM you’re not in the realm of living anymore. Your body id still out there, but your soul is trapped with the souls of the dead, ready to die as well.  The thing is... there’s nothing else about him. Sure, he can use his cosmo to travel between the two places, but we don’t know how powerful he really is.  With us knowing just one technique, and with him not getting that much attention, I have no reasons to say he deserves to be on top.  I have no evidence of him being more powerful than the average.  There is a reason I liked Manigoldo more than him, after all. 

Aldebaran

Ok. Aldebaran is a problem I didn’t account for when writing this.  Technically, he is the strongest of them all. Physically, at least. He might not have that tremendous cosmo of his fellows in the top 5, but he is the most powerful in terms of physical strength.  Because of this, I was conflicted about whether to put him, if above average or among average.  In the end, I decided for the latter. Sure, Aldebaran is an amazing fighter, and could have easily defeated the Bronze Saints at his temple (as stated by Mu, he didn’t fight to his full potential), but physical strength is not the most important characteristic in a Saint. At least, not in a Gold Saint.  There’s a lot of enemies in the Saint Seiya world that are not going to be defeated by using physical strength. And even though I fully believe the physical strength of a Saint can overpower another person’s cosmo, I don’t think that mainly relying on it it’s a successful strategy. 

Of course, betting everything on your cosmo is useless as well, and the Hades’ barrier is a perfect example of that, but there is a threshold you can cross with your cosmo (i.e. someone with a divine or almost divine cosmo would not have a single problem against this kind of defenses, realistically). With physical strength... eh, there’s a limit.  Spiritual power can be enhanced infinitely, I don’t see anything preventing you from doing that other than your own mind, but physical strength is different. I don’t care how powerful you cosmo is, how divine your blood is. Your body has limits than cannot be crossed, even supernaturally speaking.  You can refine your cosmo to the point of being able to break a planet in half, but there’s no way I’ll believe something like that is possible with physical strength, and that’s why Aldebaran is not above average.  It’s amazing that he’s so different from anyone else, but relying on something that is, no doubt, limited... eh, it makes him less powerful.

Aiolia

I can already fell you people coming for me for putting Aiolia among the average Saints. But honestly... can you blame me? I am aware of the “reincarnation of Achilles” thing, don’t worry. And I don’t deny in any way that he’s powerful and that he is undoubtedly a skilled fighter. But he doesn’t stand out that much. I asked some people to give me an opinion of him, and the majority of them said that Aiolia has to be really powerful since his master was Aiolos (like the thing between Mu and Shion), but I have my doubts.  First, Aiolia only trained with his brother for a short time. Second, even though Aiolos was his master, I don’t think it’s accurate to use this as an assumption for Aiolia being more than average. This situation was not a “master chooses his disciple” thing, but a “helping a little brother out” thing. 

Now, on a fighting skills level I think he is above average. There’s no way people started talking about him as Achilles, otherwise. He has a fiery personality, I respect that.  Though, his cosmo is not that out of the ordinary. Sure, he has a shit ton of techniques, much like his brother, but I have no evidence supporting the fact that he could be more that what we see.  I love that he has an healing cosmo, I cannot stress this out enough, and I love that people just tremble in fear because of his presence. But in terms of training he did nothing special, if anything all the gossip about him made it even more difficult to develop a cosmo similar to his brother’s. Like I said, I’m looking at the more logical path here, and it makes sense that his past would have taken away something from him. 

BUT I am absolutely not forgetting what Episode G told me. He can generate electricity with is cosmo, something that could kill gods. Now that’s something that would put him above average, for sure, if you don’t take everything else into account. 

Shura

He was difficult for me to analyze in terms of power, because it’s never actually him fighting with his raw cosmo, but it’s Excalibur. The sword resides in his arms and legs, so technically you could still say it’s him, but I though about it and concluded that yes, he is the one doing the fight, but without channeling his cosmo through Excalibur I don’t think he’d be that scary.  This doesn’t make Shura less than any other Saints, let me be clear. He is the Capricorn Saint, and the Capricorn Saint always had Excalibur to begin with. His capabilities are measured by looking at how skilled he is with Excalibur, not with his raw cosmo.  The reason why it was difficult for me to understand where to actually put him is the fact that Excalibur alone is a terrifying weapon (I know I keep using that word, but I’m honestly stressed out and my vocabulary is lost somewhere in my stress-free life).

As far as we know, every Capricorn Saint has a different level of skill and power regarding Excalibur. Capricorn Izo, for example, as Hyoga said had a stronger Excalibur than Shura. Capricorn El Cid, on the other hand, successfully used Excalibur to kill a minor god, even if aided by Sisyphus.  Shura as well knows the art of this sacred sword by heart, and in Episode G he reached the power of the gods, but this thing is never highlighted enough for me to actually be able to give him a spot among the above average Gold Saints. The majority of the things we know about him don’t spend particular amounts of time praising his power, and from what I can see I don’t want to gift him a spot he probably doesn’t deserve.  Even if I love him.

[woo-san-shine]

Our Way

ateez college au

Premise: You and your best friend from high school move away to a university 3 hours away from your small hometown. You find yourself meeting a strange cast of characters along the way that will help you find your way throughout your freshman year.    

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: None 

Author’s Note: A work in progress!!! Mostly just for fun

prev // next 

Chapter 6

The sun is beginning to set as we make our way across campus.  The air is still warm, and there are people lazily laying on the grass, talking loudly about plans for that evening, or just walking around their new home.  Hongjoong is leading the pack upfront with Seonghwa, Wooyoung and Jungho are still talking about the game that they had left behind, Yunho and Mingi are clowing each other with Sooyoung laughing extra loud every time Mingi says anything at all.

"She realizes Mingi isn't that funny, right?" A low voice says to me. It was San.  He had fallen into step next to me without me realizing.

"Oh, she acts like this whenever she really likes someone," I say to him glancing in her direction.  She had just let out another loud giggle at something Mingi had said.

"Hmmm..." San looks back and forth from Sooyoung to Mingi. "I guess I can see it."

"What, them getting together?"

"Yeah. But she's your friend, I'm sure you have more of an opinion."

"Sooyoung likes someone who... needs her, in a way.  She likes to be in control." Sooyoung had boyfriends in the past who couldn't handle her confidence and strong personality, or at least that's what I would tell her when the relationship would end.  "Also helps that they're in the same major," I add.

"Ah, that makes sense," he pauses.  "What are you studying?"

"I'm in the College of Art majoring in Graphic Design.  You?"

"I'm in the College of Education.  I want to be an elementary school teacher."

"That's adorable," I say before I can stop myself.  Goddamnit, why do I keep doing this? "I mean kids... are adorable..."

San smiles.  "Ha, yeah. I've always been good with kids. Yunho is in education too, so I’ll have classes with him."

"Aw that's nice to be with someone you know.”

“You’ll be with Yeosang though, right? He’s the same major as you.”

"Yeah I've heard, still have to actually meet him though."

"He's a treat alright. A little shy at first but he comes out of his shell once you get to know him."

The group comes to a stop in front of a large all-glass building. You can see the reflection of the sunset illuminating off of one side.

"Wow," Sooyoung says gazing up at the building.

"It's even better on the inside," Mingi says.

We enter the building and are greeted by a large lobby willed with giant cushy chairs, flat-screen TVs, and it’s very own dining hall.  It was much nicer that my dorm lobby, but it also seemed rather cold and unwelcoming.  Not as homey.  We pile into the elevator and I find myself squeezed in between San and Wooyoung.

"Aww, a rose between two thorns," Wooyoung says looking from San to me.

San rolls his eyes.

"Hey, I saw that!" Wooyoung yells.

The two joke back and forth for the entire elevator ride and the walk down the hallway to a room with a whiteboard labeled "Kang Yeosang" on it. Hongjoong knocks. After a few second and boy answers the door.

"Yeosang!!!!" Everyone except Sooyoung and I yell. The boys hurriedly make their way into the room, either hugging or giving the boy who answered the door a clap on the back.

"No, yeah, please. Make yourselves at home," he says sarcastically looking over his shoulder at everyone who had just run in. He turns back to us. He looks slightly puzzled.

"Uh, hi," I say. "I don't think you know us, but I'm Jaemin and this and Sooyoung and we..."

"Oh, right. It's nice to meet you, I'm Yeosang," he bows to us and them shakes our hand. "They told me about you. Please come in."

The thing that I noticed first about Yeosang was his deep voice. It was quite a shock coming out of his fairly small frame. He was probably one of the smallest out of the group, but his features were striking. He had thick brown hair that covered his forehead, bright green eyes, rather large ears, and high cheekbones. His face looked as if it had been carved out of marble, there was no other way to describe it.

We walk in and as he shuts the door behind us.  Sooyoung whispers "Seriously, what have they been saying about us?"

I shrug, but before I can say anything I am stopped in my tracks by what I see. We have just walked into one of the nicest college dorms I had ever seen. There was a full kitchen with a small island, a dining table and chairs, a living room with a large couch and a TV, and a separate room with a bedroom and bathroom.

"You're kidding me," Sooyoung says, mouth slightly gaping.

Yeosang sheepishly runs his hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah it's a nice place." He looks embarrassed. "I'm on the scholarship so..."

"Yeosang's family also has m-o-n-e-y," Yunho fake loudly whispers from his place at the dining table.

"Ya know everyone here knows how to spell and hear," Seonghwa says.

"I don't know about that, Mingi's pretty questionable," Wooyoung adds raising his hand in the air.

Mingi elbows Wooyoung hard in the ribs which makes him double over in pain. Yunho and Jongho snicker, Seonghwa rolls his eyes, but San and Hongjoong look slightly concerned.

"Wait, this was one of the options for living if you were on scholarship?" Sooyoung asks Yeosang.

"Yeah, I think so."

Sooyoung looks over in my direction for a brief second. I knew that she was probably thinking 'why the hell aren't we living here?' but there was no way that my family could've afforded this dorm. I look down at my shoes, slightly embarrassed.

"Do you both want a tour?" Yeosang asks us.

He takes Sooyoung and I around the apartment-style dorm while the others do indeed make themselves at home. By the time we're finished, most of the boys are in the living room. Someone had figured out how to turn on Yeosang's TV and started a game of Super Smash Bros. Sooyoung goes into the living room and confidently set herself next to Mingi on the couch. I walk over to the dining room table and sit across from Hongjoong, who was just sitting by himself and enjoying watching the boys play games. Yeosang follows and sits next to me.

"Are you the one in Graphic Design?" He asks me.

"Yep, that's me," I say with a small smile. "I've been told that's what you're studying too."

"Ha, yeah."

"Is your first class tomorrow Intro to Drawing at 9 a.m.?"

"Sure is."

"What?! Mine too!" Hongjoong says excitedly, breaking his stare from the intense game going on in the living room.

"What are you doing in that class?" Yeosang asks.

"It's for my minor! I told you that last month when we made our schedules."

"Oh right," he replies.

"You should totally sit with us tomorrow!" Hongjoong says to me.

"Really?" I ask.

"Of course!"

We talk for a while about what we think classes will be like before Yunho comes over and slams a large hand on the table.

"Alright people, it's almost time." He says to us.

"Time for what?" I ask him.

"The cleanse," he says seriously.

"The what?" I ask again, highly confused.

"Does she really not know," Wooyoung asks, walking over to stand next to Yunho.

I stare back at them, eyebrows raised.

"There's a tradition that the night before fall classes start all the freshman jump into the fountain," Wooyoung says to me.

"Wait," I say hands out stretched. "That huge fountain in the middle of campus?"

"That's the one," Wooyoung replies.

"But, why?" I ask the group.

"Some people think it's for good luck," Jongho answers.

"Almost like a cleanse before the semester starts," Hongjoong adds.

"I actually did hear about that, but I didn't know if it was true," Sooyoung says, still seated next to Mingi on the couch.

"That sounds kinda..." I start

"Dangerous? Silly? Pointless?" Seonghwa asks.

"Fun," I say.

"Well then let's get going!" Yunho yells, leading everyone out of the dorm.

We exit Yeosang's dorm and head in the direction of the fountain. It was dark now, but campus is still well-lit. There were a lot of people, presumably all freshman, heading in the same direction. Once we reach the fountain, there is a large crowd gathered around it. The fountain itself was probably a little smaller than a football field. There were large jets in the middle that shot water about 20 feet high. With the number of people that were here, it would be surprising if we all fit.

"How deep is it?" Yeosang asks, a little nervously.

"Oh come on, it probably only goes up to your knees," Mingi says nudging his shoulder.

"Hey, let's put our stuff over here!" Hongjoong yells, pointing to a large tree next to the crowd gathered around the fountain.

We head over in that direction. We all start to take our shoes off and pull our phones out of our pockets. Both Jongho and Wooyoung immediately take their shirts off and toss them with their things. Jongho's muscles and Wooyoung's confidence are very apparent. San follows, but no one else seems to be as daring or seems to care. Seeing this, Sooyoung promptly strips down to a sports bra and spandex shorts. She isn't the smallest girl, but boy was she confident. She waltzes past Mingi who isn't even trying to hide staring at her. I look down at my own shirt, a white cotton T-shirt.

"It's gonna become see-through once it gets wet anyway, might as well take it off," Sooyoung whispers to me, winking.

I sigh and walk back over to where I had put my shoes and my phone. I peak around to make sure no one is looking at me and wriggle out of my shirt. I am now only wearing a black lace bralette and high-waisted jean shorts. This is as far as I'm going. I wrap my arms around myself and head over to we're the group is standing by the edge of the fountain.

"Two minutes until 10 o'clock!" Jongho yells after checking his watch.

"So what, do we just walk in?" Sooyoung asks the boys.

"Some people walk, some people fall in, some people swim all the way to the jets, really whatever you want," Hongjoong says.

"I have an idea," I say kinda shyly.

Every single boy's eyes look over to me.

"Uh, what if we all stood on the edge and jumped? Like, all together," I say. There's a pause. "Carefully, of course," I add.

They all glance in Hongjoong's direction, almost as if to get his approval.

"I like it! Everybody climb on the edge, quick!" He says.

We all form a line and step into the end he of the fountain. People around us are either with doing the same, sitting on the edge, or backing up like they are going to hurdle over the edge. I find myself in between Sooyoung and San. His face is shining with excitement, dimples in full view. He looks down at me and we both grin. He looks over my head and then cocks it to the side, indicating to look at what's going on next to me. I turn just in time to watch Mingi, who is next to Sooyoung, ask if he can hold her hand while we all jump.

"AWWWW HOW CUUUUUUTE," Wooyoung's loud voice echos from down the line. "I want to hold hand too!!!" He immediately grabs the hands of Yunho and Seonghwa on either side of him. Yunho sways precariously on the edge from the force of Wooyoung's hand holding and Seonghwa rolls his eyes.

A countdown begins to ripple across the crowd.

"TEN, NINE, EIGHT!"

The boys start whooping and cheering.

"SEVEN, SIX, FIVE!"

I can’t hold back my laughter as I look around at all the excited faces about to jump into the fountain. How could something so juvenile bring so much joy to a bunch of teenagers?

"FOUR, THREE, TWO!" 

At the last second, San grabs my hand and squeezes it.

"ONE!"

I feel my feet leaving the edge of the fountain. For a split second, I know nothing except the warm breeze through my hair and the pressure of San's hand in mine. But soon my body is engulfed in freezing cold water. The bottom of the fountain is surprisingly slippery and the moment my feet touch the bottom, I start falling backward. San starts to fall too and we both try our best to steady each other but eventually we fall into the cool water, completely submerged.

I quickly get up and brush my hair out of my eyes. San is kneeling on the ground, rubbing the water out of his eyes. When he looks up at me, we laugh at how silly we both look. I gaze around to look for the others. Everyone around us seems to have either fallen too, or is still climbing over the edge.  People are laughing, shouting, swimming, and splashing in the water. I find Hongjoong, who is wading from person to person making sure they are okay.

"Hey! You guys good?" He yells towards San and I.

I give him a thumbs-up as San starts to wade towards Wooyoung.  He whispers something into his ear and they both start to creep over towards Hongjoong, who has his back turned.  Once they reach him, Wooyoung grabs Hongjoong’s arms and raises them above his head.  San goes for his legs.  The pair hoist above the water and start to swing him back and forth.  The others notice and start chanting.  

“HONGJOONG! HONGJOONG! HONGJOONG!” 

After a few more swings, they toss him back into the water.  A few seconds pass before he emerges from the water.  He stares back at his friends, all of whom are giggling or cackling with laughter.  He pretends to act mad before a huge smile spreads across his face, even bigger than mine. 

We spend a good thirty or so minutes just playing around in the water, starting with a crackhead version of ‘sharks and minnows’.  Once a game of chicken starts, I decide to sit this one out.  I wade over to an edge of the fountain that isn’t occupied and lie on my back, floating atop of the water.  I stare up at the night sky.  

The last day and a half had been so busy that I hadn’t even had the chance to really just stop and think.  Classes start tomorrow.  Am I prepared?  Will the professors like me?  Do I even know where my classes are? 

I figure suddenly obstructs my view of the night sky.  It’s Jongho.  

“Mind if I sit with you?” he asks. 

I sit up and lean my back against the fountain’s edge. “No, of course,” I pat the top of the water next to me. 

He takes a seat. 

“This is pretty fun, huh,” I say to him.  

“Yeah, pretty cool tradition.” He pauses for a second. “Um.. I just wanted to say thanks.” 

“For what?” 

“For uh... wanting to hang out with us I guess.” He looks over to his friends and Sooyoung who are still playing in the water. 

I am taken aback. “Well, you don’t have to thank me.” 

“I do, really.  We haven’t really had friends outside of our group in so long.  Most people either think we are too intimidating or too weird to want to hang out with us.” 

Well, he wasn’t totally wrong.  The group as a whole was slightly intimidating and the way the interacted with each other could come across as a little weird. 

I wave my hand to him. “I should be the one thanking you!  If it wasn’t for you guys Sooyoung and I would probably be cooped up in or dorm staring at the wall.”

He chuckles. 

“Really, thank YOU for introducing us to everyone,” I say as genuinely as I can. 

“I’m glad you needed help carrying all those boxes yesterday,” he says smiling.

I look over at him. When I meet his gaze, he shyly looks down and fidgets with his fingers.  I wanted to say something nice back, but before I can open my mouth a wave a water washes over us.  

“Hey! We’re about to head out you two.” Wooyoung had come over and splashed us. 

We all climb out of the fountain and rush over to the tree where we had put our things.   

“Will we be seeing you again?” Yunho asks me, his large eyes extra wide.  

“I sure hope so,” I reply.  

As I am saying goodbye to Yunho, Wooyoung, and Yeosang, San walks up to me. 

“You have a leaf in your hair,” I say as he stops in front of me.  I stand on my tip-toes to reach to pick it out of his black and red-streaked hair. 

“Oh, thank you,” he says.  “It was nice to meet you, Jaemin.” He wears a soft smile, dimples only slightly peaking out. 

“Uh, no of course. It was nice to meet you too,” I say shyly.  I clutch my t-shirt to my chest. 

Before I can say anything else, Sooyoung grabs me by the arm and starts to drag me towards the direction of our dorm.  Maybe it’s a good thing I keep getting interrupted when talking with these boys.  I don’t know why I’m always at such a loss for words.  

prev // next

[maedlinwrites]

Minecraft x MCU Steve/Tony

Yes, you did read that right. Long story short, for those that are unfamiliar with Minecraft... well, first off, you should fix that, but second off... the male player-character’s ‘name’ is Steve. And then I was talking to a friend about the peak Crack Treated Seriously crossover possible, and well... this happened.

The premise is, essentially, that Steve is--of course--Steve, the player. He plays on a small Realm (server) with his friends, and being Too Precious For Words, sets out to make a Mushroom Island Villager Utopia centered around his primary base. Cue standard villager mechanics and practices for this project, with Tony as the ultra-valuable and Rare ‘Mending’ Villager.

And then one day, a series of malicious command block shenanigans sends Steve straight into the game...

Or: A LitRPG with Minecraft and Stony and probably a bunch of terrible puns that I’ll likely never write but had way too much fun thinking about.

It’s been a little more than a year since Tony was taken by the Other.

In that time, an entire village has sprung up on the once-desolate island. Not that Tony’s been allowed to see it, of course, but all of the native villagers live in it. Natives, of course, all born of the two other villagers originally taken alongside Tony that are long-since deceased thanks to a Drowned infestation a few weeks after they were taken. Part of Tony still wishes he’d been infected as well, because at least then there’d be more than… well, this.

At least he’s fed regularly these days. Far better than early on, where he almost starved because the Other didn’t give him food or allow him any visitors. It was only when he’d grown so ill that he was unable to make anything for the Other for several days that the Other relented and gave him a few dozen loaves of bread that lasted until the Other started allowing him visitors.

Speaking of--

“Hey Pete,” Tony greeted the young cartographer that’d taken to visiting him nearly every day since discovering Tony’s existence.

“Hey Mr. Stark!” the kid enthused, “Guess what I brought you today?”

“I imagine you’re going to show me sooner or later.”

“Well, yeah. But Look! Harley’s mom--she’s a Farmer, remember? Well she’s been training with the Captain and he taught her how to make pumpkin pie and I asked her to make one for you and well, here!”

He pulled out the aforementioned dessert and slid it across the empty space between the two wars of bars separating Tony’s cell from the outside world.

“Huh. Tell her thanks, kid. I haven’t had pie since… well, it’s been a very long time.” Tony said. He had vague memories of Ana, his home village’s Farmer, sneaking him the treat a few times when he was just a child and Howard was too busy at the Blacksmithy to notice her spoiling his son, but he’d long since forgotten the taste or even smell of the sweet.

He rarely thought about his childhood home these days; before even rumors of the Others from a Nomad had reached their village.

Before he’d taken a profession and developed the magic that, in retrospect, had sealed his fate: the Mending enchantment. It was a secret he’d long refused to pass onto any other Librarians that had sprung up in the generations since he’d been taken, for fear that it would land them confined to a cell just as Tony himself was.

The other villagers were allowed to roam free, but not Tony. Never Tony. He wasn’t sure if it was all the escape attempts he’d made, the perceived value of his magic, some combination of the two, or some inscrutable other reason, but Tony was the only villager the Other kept permanently imprisoned.

To the rest of the Village, the ones that called the Other “Captain” and worshipped him as the deity guarding over His Chosen--their village--it was just part of the way things were.

It didn’t help that Tony’s appearance matched that of his homeland, rather than the adopted garb and appearance of the descendants of Pepper and Rhodey, this many generations out from their move.

Long ago, before the gene had entirely died out, it’d prompted curious visits from children that looked like him rather than the “normal” villager appearance. These days, most villagers found it more off-putting than anything, and the fact that he was imprisoned in the inner sanctum of their Lord’s “Keep” didn’t help matters any.

Peter was the biggest exception, although he occasionally sent Harley or, on one notable occasion, Ned, in his stead if he got wrapped up in his cartographic magic.

The longest absence had been when the Other persuaded him to scry for a sunken Ocean Monument not long after his manifestation as the village’s first cartographer. Even that hadn’t lasted more than a week, the time it’d taken for Peter to figure out the complex formulae spanning the gap between Clericism, Librarians, and more run-of-the-mill item enchantment.

Peter had apologized profusely when Tony hadn’t quite succeeded in hiding how much he’d missed the brat’s company.

Whatever conversation that might have developed from there was prevented by--speak of the Devil--the arrival of the Other.

Peter, despite being a bit more down-to-Earth than the rest of the village regarding the Captain-worship, still had the tendency to get a bit overwhelmed by the Other’s attention and quickly scurried away with a, “I’ll be back later, Mr. Stark! Enjoy the pie!”

Tony half-scowled half-smiled at the kid’s back, the same old paranoia that led him to hoard food out of the Other’s reach rearing up in defense even though he knew the Other had never shown any sign of understanding their language.

The Other, dressed in enchanted armor and wings, according to Peter, allowed him to fly, entered his cell a few minutes later.

Tony expected this would be a standard exchange. The Other would give him the requisite power Emeralds, and Tony would in turn provide him with the corresponding quantity of single-use Mending-enchanted books. Tony would work until he either ran out of emeralds or, if the Other was particularly demanding, passed out from overuse of Librarian magic. In the latter case, the Other would either wait until he recovered enough to continue work--scanning his reservoirs periodically to check, or however exactly it was he could tell--or leave for a short time and then come back.

Once, the Other had made Tony craft more than two dozen of the enchantment before finally leaving him be, but generally his demands were both small and infrequent.

Today, as it turned out, was not a normal day.

Today was the day that Tony’s life turned upside-down once again.

[crownedbyluke]

Suits and Leather Jackets (Ch. 9)

Premise: Bryn’s first week at Catch Fire Advertising had been pretty simple, but when the CEO of the company, Luke Hemmings, asks her to dinner, she’s put in a position she’s unsure she wants to be in. With rumors swirling around them and Bryn wanting nothing more than to just be another employee, how long will it take before their bursting into light by each other’s company?

Word Count: 3,300

{Chapter One} {Chapter Two} {Chapter Three} {Chapter Four} {Chapter Five} {Chapter Six} {Chapter Seven} {Chapter Eight} {Chapter Nine} {Chapter Ten} {Chapter Eleven} {Chapter Twelve} {Chapter Thirteen} {Chapter Fourteen} {Chapter Fifteen} {Chapter Sixteen finale}

“Mr. Hemmings, you have a visitor,” the concierge’s voice rang through the speakers. I shook my head. If Bryn showed up, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out before giving into her.

“Who is it?” I asked, noticing how tired my voice sounded.

“A Becca Jefferson,” he said, my eyes widening.

“Why is she here?” I asked, my heart starting to beat faster. Why the hell would Becca come to my apartment? How did she know where I lived?

“She said that she wanted to talk to you about something,” he said, clearly confused.

“Send her up I guess,” I said, not feeling like fighting her on it. I waited for the elevator to open, my heartbeat speeding up from the nerves. Becca walked into my apartment, arms crossed over her chest, and a look of slight annoyance in her eyes. I went to say something, but she cut me off.

“Do you like her?” she asked, stopping a mere foot away from me.

“What are you-”

“Bryn. Do you have genuine feelings for her?” she asked, a slight anger to her tone.

“Well yeah, but-”

“She slept with Calum, I know. You weren’t together and Bryn knows how stupid it was. What’s really bothering you?” she asked, a finger jutting against my chest.

“Why the hell do you care? How do you know where I live?” I asked, the anger from earlier resurfacing.

“I know where you live because Bryn told me. Second, I care because my best friend is in her apartment bawling her eyes out over you. I get that it hurts and you’re mad at her, but are you seriously going to let one lapse of judgement keep you from going after her?” she asked, pushing her finger into my chest. I blinked a couple times, still staring at her in surprise. There was something in her words that reminded me of my mum. The memory of the day my UCLA acceptance letter came to mind, her words echoing in my head.

Your drive and dreams are demanding your attention Luke. Don’t let them fade away because you’re scared. Go fight for what you want.

A small smile came over my face as the memory faded, but when I looked back to Becca, I was reminded of what happened.

“Becca, how do you get to tell me what I want and how I feel? Yeah, Bryn made a mistake, but you have no idea that I was going to ask her if she still wanted space last night. You don’t know that I made plans to take her out to dinner if she said that she was ready to give me a chance. You don’t know me so please, get the hell out of my apartment,” I said, anger and frustration in my tone. She stared at me in shock, not expecting me to fight back.

“Then why don’t you tell her that? Go talk to her, fight with her, scream at each other, I don’t care. You two have genuine, deep feelings for each other. Don’t let that slip through your fingers because of twenty minutes in a fucking storage closet,” she said, turning to walk back to the elevator. My mind swirled from her last sentence. A storage closet? Twenty minutes? Had it really been so uncomfortable for her?

“Wait. They had sex in a storage closet?” I asked, moving towards her.

“Yeah. She didn’t orgasm either,” she said, the elevator dinging. I blinked a couple times again, seeing a smirking Mali walking out. Becca rolled her eyes at Mali before getting in.

“Think about it okay?” she said, just as the door were closing.

“What are we thinking about?” Mali asked after a moment.

“Don’t worry about it. Why the hell are you here?” I asked, walking back towards my kitchen.

“Thought you might want some company after last night,” she said, her hand coming to rest on my bicep as I leant against a counter.

“Why would I want company after last night?” I asked, my eyes looking down at her hand. She had two rings on her fingers that felt cool against my skin. The opal ring that I had gotten her for Christmas caught my eye.

“Because your precious Bryn fucked my brother,” she said casually. My eyes flicked back to her face.

“Mali, why are you-”

“Calum told me and I wanted to check on you. I know we aren’t together and we’re not exactly friends, but you don’t deserve to be messed with like that,” she said, her eyes showing how sincere she was. It was a look I hadn’t seen since we were dating.

“Why would you-”

“Can you just appreciate it and talk to me about what’s going through your head?” she asked, cutting me off. I stared down at her, the good memories of our time together flooding in. We had been good together the first year of being together and there was a part of me that thought we could go back to that now if I said so. I blocked out the voice in my head that was telling me to tell her to leave as I leant down. I connected our lips, bringing my hand up to cup her cheek. She moaned into my mouth and I made a mental note that it wasn’t the same as Bryn’s. As we moved towards my room, I kept making them. I had half the mind to stop what was happening, but once Mali’s mouth touched my skin, all my thoughts were gone. I pulled her shirt over her head and decided that I could wallow later. There was a part of me that knew I was only doing this to get back at Bryn and with Mali in front of me, pulling my pants down, I didn’t care.

Mali kissed me once more before she pulled herself from my bed to get dressed again.

“Still as good in bed as I remember,” she laughed, trying to lighten the mood. The guilt started to set in slowly as I replayed the night Bryn and I spent together. There hadn’t been the same connection with Mali as there was with Bryn. It felt like just sex whereas with Bryn, it felt like so much more.

“Let me know if you need anything yeah?” she asked, crawling back over to me.

“Yeah, will do,” I said, not looking at her. I closed my eyes as she kissed my cheek, not wanting to let her see my eyes and the mess of thoughts that was running through my head. I stayed in my bed as she left, lost in my thoughts, letting them wash over me. Becca’s words came to mind. Should I really go back to Bryn to fight, yell, maybe even scream at each other? My phone buzzed causing me to sigh. When I looked at the time, I was surprised by how late it was. It was just after six in the evening. Then again, I didn’t remember what time Mali came over. There was a text from my best mate, Ashton.

Hey mate! I’m in town. Let’s get partying yeah?

I laughed at the message, being able to hear his accent in my head.

I don’t know.

Luke, get your ass ready. We’re partying.

It’s almost six-thirty!

Pre-gaming. Fuck it, I’m coming over. Pull out your whiskey.

Fine.

I pulled myself from my bed, grabbing my boxers before walking over to the closet. I took a white shirt and my favorite leather jacket off the hangers, taking a pair of tight black pants out of the drawer. As I was styling my hair, I heard the familiar sound of Ashton’s boots on my floor.

“Where’s my man?” he called, his accent thicker than the last time I saw him.

“I’m not your man,” I said, walking into the open space.

“You might as well be. How’ve you been?” he asked as we shared a quick hug.

“Been better. You?” I asked, walking over to my liquor cabinet.

“You know me, always travelling. Met a girl the other night at a club. She seemed pretty cool, but I was a little too wasted so I don’t remember her name,” he said, grabbing two glasses. I poured the whiskey into the glasses and pushed one towards him.

“How’s the company?” he asked before we both downed the alcohol.

“Good. Taking down Hood and Family,” i said, wincing slightly at the burn in my throat.

“Drama. I love it. What’d the dickhead do?” he asked, pouring another dick.

“Fucked with a girl I have feelings for,” I admitted, taking the drink right away. I could feel Ashton staring at me, knowing that he would want more information.

“She must be something if she finally showed you how much of an ass that guy is,” he teased, taking a sip.

“Yeah, she is. Let’s not talk about it though,” I said, deciding to take a long swig straight from the bottle.

“Jesus dude, you never do that. You sure you’re good?” he asked, taking the bottle from me.

“Nope. Let’s just get wasted okay? I don’t wanna talk about it tonight,” I said, making the choice to forget instead of deal with it head on.

“Mate, you know that’s not a good way to deal,” Ashton said, watching me closely.

“Ashton, I don’t give a fuck. Get me wasted and let me handle the consequences later,” I said, all playfulness gone from my voice. Ashton just nodded before pulling a bottle of vodka from the cabinet.

“Then let’s get shitfaced,” he said, twisting off the cap easily. He took out the shot glasses and poured two full shots for us. We clinked glasses before throwing our heads back.

“Let’s go out,” Ashton suggested after another shot. I was starting to feel the buzz thrumming through my veins.

“Hell yes!” I cheered, giving him a smile. I grabbed my keys and locked up the apartment. Ashton lead the way to a bar down the street.

“Whatcha drinking good looking?” the bartender asked, her eyes giving me a onceover.

“Two long island iced teas. Make ‘em as strong as you can,” Ashton answered for me. I gave him another smile, thankful that he was there to take the lead for me. We finished our first drink before Ashton suggested going to a club. I followed along, not caring where we went, more focused on the next drink. I wasn’t nearly drunk enough yet. Ashton handed me another drink as he lead me out to the dance floor. I started dancing with a girl, the alcohol running through me causing a warm, fuzzy feeling. I felt light, the music taking me away from my thoughts. The girl turned around, grinding her ass against my groin. Her hair wasn’t as long as Bryn’s and it didn’t fall as nicely as hers either. Bryn. The girl wasn’t Bryn. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, like I was cheating on Bryn by dancing with this girl. I let go of her hips, moving off the floor. I needed to see Bryn. My feet carried me in my drunken haze to the train station. I stumbled over her steps before I got into her elevator. As the floor numbers ticked by, I felt the alcohol start to hit me harder. There was no recollection of what time it was at this point, but all my thoughts were of Bryn. It could have been two in the morning, but all I wanted was to see her face. I had to use the wall to keep myself up as I knocked my knuckles heavily against her door. After a minute of no answer, I knocked again. Had she fallen asleep already? I was about to knock for a third time when the door opened.

“Luke?” Bryn asked causing me to smile slightly at hearing my name come from her lips.

“Bryn,” I hummed, leaning against the wall.

“Are you drunk?” she asked. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot while her hair was in a messy bun. My eyes moved down, taking in the oversized hoodie and pajama shorts. I looked back at her face. She looked tired and in the back of my head, I knew it was because of me.

“Maybe,” I said, drawing out the ‘a’.

“Get in here. You’re practically falling over against the wall,” she said, wrapping her arm around my waist and tugging my arm over her shoulder.

Bryn groaned from my weight resting against her as she lead me into her apartment. She kicked the door shut and locked it before leading me towards her guest room.

“Why aren’t we going to your room?” I slurred as she set me on the bed.

“Because we aren’t together,” she said quietly. I watched her kneel in front of me, unlacing my boots to take them off.

“I wish we were,” I said, knowing that there was a look of fondness in my eyes. She sighed before she stood in front of me.

“I wish we were too,” she mumbled, pulling the leather jacket off my shoulders. I brought my hands to her waist, nudging her towards me.

“I wanna fall in love with you,” I said, hearing the way my voice cracked. My filter was completely gone and I didn’t care if I got myself in trouble with her. I needed her to know how I felt.

“You don’t mean that. Let me help you take this off,” she said, tugging on the sleeves. I shook my head, pulling her closer again.

“I mean it Bryn. You’re the girl of my dreams, the one my mum always said I would find,” I said, my eyes trained on her face. There were tears forming in her eyes.

“You’re not gonna remember this tomorrow,” she said, a small intake of breath able to be heard in the silence of the room.

“Then tell me in the morning if I don’t,” I argued, slipping my thumbs under her hoodie. Her skin felt soft, but cold as I rubbed my thumbs against it, making a nice contrast to the heat that I was feeling. Had she always been this cold? I couldn’t exactly remember, but I wanted to feel the coolness all the time.

“You have a hickey on your neck,” she whispered, her fingers brushing over my neck where I was guessing the mark was.

“From Mali,” I admitted, watching her face fall slightly.

“You had sex with her?” she asked, sniffling. I couldn’t tell if she was crying, but I still felt guilty for my actions earlier in the day.

“Yeah. I was mad at you so I wanted to get back at you,” I said, keeping my eyes on her. There was something so beautiful about her in the dark and standing in front of me.

“Let’s finish getting your jacket off,” she said, wiping at her cheek before tugging at the sleeves again. She was crying and it made me angry with myself all over again for making her upset. I slowly removed my hands from her waist so she could pull it off. She folded it and set it on the dresser. She started walking to the door.

“Don’t leave,” I begged, trying to stand up again, wobbling slightly.

“Sit down. I’m getting you some water,” she said, looking at me over her shoulder. I could see the way her eyes were glossy from the tears I was causing. I wanted to walk to her and brush them away, but I didn’t trust my own legs to make it to her swiftly. I listened to her, taking some comfort in the softness of the mattress. There was something about it that made me feel grounded. My eyes started to feel heavy as I waited for her to return.

“Can you drink this for me?” she asked, her voice soft as she brought the cool glass to my hand. I hadn’t seen or heard her walk back in. I nodded, very slowly bringing the glass to my mouth, feeling the warmth of her hand still on mine. I took a couple swigs before handing it back to her.

“Thank you,” I said, my eyes half open as she put the glass on the nightstand.

“Do you want more comfortable pants?” she asked. I felt her run her fingers through my hair, moving it out of my eyes and off my forehead.

“Please,” I said, a slight whine to my voice. The pants were starting to feel particularly tight and uncomfortable as I got more tired. I did my best to keep my eyes open so I could watch her. Even though it was dark in the room, I could make out her movements easily, a certain gracefulness to them that I hadn’t noticed before. I told myself to remember that in the morning, but there was little hope that I actually would.

“Can you stand for me?” she asked once she returned to me. I nodded and made a decent effort to not fall over. I felt her fingers pop the button on my pants before pulling them down my legs. Bryn lightly tapped my right leg, signaling me to lift my feet. I propped myself up so I wouldn’t fall over. She repeated the action on my left before having me sit down. Through heavy lidded eyes, I watched her put the sweatpants on my legs, again tapping me to finish putting them on.

“I’m gonna take off your shirt too okay?” she asked, standing back up. I nodded, the tiredness from the day and alcohol starting to make it hard to stay awake. I brought my hands back to her waist as she undid the buttons of my shirt.

“Are you mad at me for sleeping with Mali?” I slurred, as she pulled the shirt off.

“No. You aren’t mine,” she said, folding my shirt with my pants. Bryn came back to stand in front of me.

“I am,” I whispered, pulling her close to me.

“No Luke, you’re not. We aren’t together,” she said, repeating her words from earlier.

“But I wanna be. I was dancing with a girl tonight and all I could think about was you. Fuck, I’m always thinking about you,” I confessed, pulling her closer yet again. I wanted her to sit in my lap so I could really hold her, my need to be close to her taking over.

“You’re tired. You should get some sleep,” she said, keeping her hands by her side, barely brushing my arms.

“Wanna cuddle you,” I said, gently tugging on her again.

“Luke, you’re-”

“Don’t care. You can leave once I’m asleep, just let me hold you,” I begged, my heavy eyes looking up at her. I heard her sigh before her hands came to rest on my neck.

“Okay,” she said, pulling away from me to move towards the side of the bed she wanted to lay on. I moved back until I was resting against the pillows. I reached out to her, my arms open for her to come closer. Bryn shuffled closer, turning on her side so her back was to me. I followed her lead, wrapping my arm around her waist, and pulling her into my chest. I brought my other arm to rest underneath my head, dipping my hand around her waist under her hoodie, needing the skin to skin contact. There was something about it that was calming to me in my drunken state.

“I hope you’re here when I wake up,” I mumbled against her shoulder, pressing a light kiss there. My eyes gave up, letting sleep take over, the hopes of waking up to her still present as I drifted off.

Wowie. A drunk, talkative, needy Luke is one of my fav things. Will Bryn be there when he wakes up? Who knows? (I know but you don’t yet). As always, I hope you’re enjoying Suits. It’s been such a pleasure to be able to write this out for everyone to read. Let me know how you’re all feeling about it!

my tag hoes: @thruheavenandhighwater @sweetcherrycal @bbycal @thebookamongmen @cartiercalum @lurhemmings @a-little-international @lu-fakebetch @tommossoccer @irwinsx @cashton-queen @obsidiancosmos @emptysanity @cxddlyash @lipstickstainfading @pickleluke @calumfornicationx @calumspeachy @captivatingcal @kinglyhood @rexorangecounty @youngblood199456 @madxhttr22 @calthesensation @belle-ofthe-sea @thatsaproblemdal @irwlns @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you @ashotofblues

[neverwatchedonepiece]

529-530: "The Fish-Man Island Will Be Annihilated?! Sharley's Prophecy!" and "The King of the Fish-Man Island! Neptune, the God of the Sea!"

A rare image of Hordy Jones stepping on a lego.

Only had time for two episodes tonight. Luckily, there was enough in them to write about: including the reveal of a villain (always exciting!)

His name is Hordy Jones. He is angry, he is a Fishman, he looks oddly like the guy from ACDC and he has... a dog slung round his neck?

Not to mention the prophecies, designer boutiques, royal invitations and awkward questions.

Dreams Do Come True in Fishman Island

The episode opened with Luffy, Usopp and Chopper rushing around the harbour town, looking for a human - any human - who could donate Sanji’s blood type.

Luckily, a pair of nice okama stepped up and saved Sanji’s life. Of course, when Sanji regained consciousness, he freaked out. Usopp and Chopper both had to remind him to thank the okama. Come on, Sanji. Not cool. They saved your life in a place where donating blood is an act of great political significance. Show a little gratitude, eh?

While taking a break from Sanji’s fool antics, Chopper examined a strange mark on Luffy’s arm. Turns out it was poison! Luffy took a hit from Hyouzou (how did I miss that?) Chopper declared it very potent and wondered how the hell Luffy survived it. He asked if Luffy had ever been poisoned before.

Oh boy, Chopper. Does Luffy have a story for you. It can be told in one word: Magellan.

(Seriously, though, did Luffy not tell the Strawhats what happened to him while they were sailing, or was it all so next level that being poisoned to near death was not one of the major highlights?)

Camie, who had come to see how Sanji was doing, took Luffy and Usopp back to the Mermaid Cafe dorms. On the way, they called in to see Madame Sharly: a beautiful shark mermaid with premises at the back of Mermaid Cafe. (I think she might own the cafe because she gave Camie the day off to show the Strawhats round Fishman Island?)

Not Unless You Play the Lottery

Oh, and she is also a dab hand at crystal ball fortune-telling and has been since she was little. She has correctly predicted a few cataclysmic events, including the war in Marineford and Whitebeard’s death. Recently, she’s stopped using the crystal ball because she can’t stand knowing bad things will happen. I suppose Whitebeard is the kind of guy that would go to war no matter what. I can’t see anyone convincing him otherwise, even if it was someone like Sharly, who knew he’d be killed in battle.

I wonder if she’s been burned before by using the crystal ball? She was all dramatic and stared off into the middle distance when she said, “It’s better not to know the future.” Something has clearly gone wrong in her life that she has that attitude to such a strong power.

Luffy, who seems to be living on another planet at the moment, said, “All very well and good but do you know how mermaids poop?”

That’s right, Luffy. Always asking those important questions!

It was round about then that Camie realised she’d forgot to deliver the clams to Pappagu! So they hurried off to find him at another, fancier cafe up in Fishverly Hills (lol), where they found Brook, aka Soul King, living it up with Pappagu and a couple of mermaid fans. (I love how famous Brook is in his own right and not just as a member of the Strawhats.)

There was a lot of good world-building here. Courtesy of Pappagu, who tried so hard to be a Good Exposition Starfish (why won’t anyone listen to him?), I now know that Merpeople don’t eat meat and fish (but Fishmen do). That King Neptune runs the Island. That, if a Merperson and Fishman marry and have kids, any children they have will either be a Merperson or a Fishman, not a harmonious amalgamation of both. 

And the good news is that the Flying Dutchman/Captain Vander Decken stuff was not a random encounter character to be used once and disposed of! Not sure what his role will be yet, but Oda seems to have something planned, as he has been given backstory. Turns out Brook was right about the original Flying Dutchman crew being several hundred years old, but the original Captain Vander Decken reached Fishman Island and died there. The one manning the Flying Dutchman now is Vander Decken IX, his descendant. Apparently, the guy has a bounty and the whole island’s been looking for him for ages because he started sending unwanted love letters, packages and threatening marriage proposals that scared the princess to the point a warrant was issued for his arrest.

Looks like someone can’t take no for an answer, eh?

But the most interesting thing was this.

Big Momma’s House

Luffy noticed the sign on a candy factory. Pappagu explained that when Whitebeard had shuffled off his mortal coil, the role of Fishman Island Protector became vacant.

The position was filled by Charlotte Linlin (or Big Mom, to the rest of us): one of the four (now three) Yonkou. She hasn’t been mentioned since Thriller Bark, so I was excited for that miniscule teaser Oda gave. 

Big Mom demands loads of candies as a fee for her protection. This confused Luffy. “But she’s protecting this land after old man Whitebeard died? Isn’t she a good person?”

Pappagu shrugged, as only starfish can. “Whitebeard didn’t demand anything, but maybe Big Mom sees protection more as a business.”

Interesting... she’s definitely a different kind of Yonkou.

But I didn’t have time to think about it for long because the action switched to Sharley, who had burst out onto the street, freaking out about Luffy, begging everyone she could  grab hold of to “find Strawhat Luffy and throw him out of this country!”

Wait, what...? Wasn’t she happy to see them ten minutes ago? Why? What had caused the change of heart?

Apparently, she saw a vision of Luffy in her crystal ball: an image of him surrounded by fire. “At Strawhat’s hands, Fishman Island will be destroyed!”

Eh? Surely not. There has got to be some mistake here. There is no way Luffy would sink Fishman Island. Or at least not on purpose. That is the only way I could believe Sharley’s vision would ever come true.

Hmm....

This Guy Is So Hard, He Puts Sharks in Sweaters

Cliffhanger over, I steamed straight onto episode 530. After a dark and mysterious opening (more on that later), the action cut back to the Strawhats. Pappagu was explaining his job. Turns out he’s not just an adorable starfish on land: in Fishman Island, he is a Super Influencer: a rich designer and president of the Criminal Brand clothing company - a famous fashion line.

As they approached one of his shops, the Strawhats heard some serious, weapons-grade haggling within. 

Of course it was Nami! 

The harassed shopkeeper was pleased to see Pappagu. This lasted until his boss told the Strawhats they could have as much free clothing as they liked in return for saving his ass at Sabaody.

Pappag, that was a rookie mistake. Never tell pirates they can take as much free stuff as they want. THEY ARE PIRATES! xD

But that was not the only drama going down in Fishverly Hills. Outside, there was a commotion. The Strawhats, Camie and Pappagu went to check why everyone was shrieking.

King Neptune had arrived. The big, bearded, booming-voiced ruler of Ryugu Kingdom and Fishman Island. Golden rays of light bathed the spectators. I wondered why he kept mispronouncing the word “ham” in Spanish.

It was the first time Camie had ever seen him. The King only descended from the Upper World if there was trouble. He hadn’t brought guards. Very strange! Ryugu Palace is a sacred place for Fishmen. A celestial place where ordinary people aren’t allowed to go. Where the princes and princess live.

The King turned and said, “Oi, Megalo. Are you sure these are the guys?” When the cute, sweater-wearing shark popped out of nowhere and confirmed (I love that it has a name), King Neptune invited the Strawhats to Ryugu Palace.

“Is there good food there?” Luffy asked. Priorities, amirite?

“Of course. We’re planning a banquet,” Neptune answered.

Luffy couldn’t have accepted any quicker. He piled onto Neptune’s fishboat with Usopp, Nami and Brook, then looked back. “Aren’t you coming?” Camie and Pappagu were frozen in awe.

“We don’t deserve to go to Ryugu...”

That was the Wrong Answer. Rank and status does not impress or intimidate Luffy (and that’s one of the reasons I like him so much). He told them to stop being dumb and get on. 

It’s funny how the rest of the Fishmen and Merpeople are so awed of Neptune, yet he was completely unbothered when Luffy invited some commoners to his house. Neptune is either more chilled than he seems, or he is up to something.

But not everyone is as enamored with King Neptune...

This Guy Is Not A Fan

This is the Fishman behind the New Fishman Pirates: Hordy Jones. 

Now, I can’t help but compare this guy to Arlong. He’s a shark fishman and he has similar views to Arlong.  

Hell, Arlong was the first real villain I took to in One Piece. The first real threat. He did horrific things. I’ll never forget that black and white scene when he shot Bellemere in the head. When Nami broke down and Luffy laid his straw hat on her head. Then there was the walk to Arlong Park. All those iconic moments.

Hordy Jones has big shoes to fill. It’s early yet, so I’ll wait until I’m further in to make any judgments. When I first watched Thriller Bark, I was kinda bemused by Moria, then he ended up one of my favourites. 

This guy has got a hold of some Fishman Roids and likes necking a ton to gain super strength. Apparently, the Roids shorten lifespan but Hordy does not care. When a bunch of escapee human pirates were reported for desertion (they must have met Hammond and enlisted. Now I think I know why there haven’t been many visitors to Fishman Island lately!) Hordy ate a meaty fistful of those Fish Roids like they were candies someone had packaged up for Big Mom.

Then he swam off and deliberately crushed the deserters while handcuffed to show how strong he was. It was cool the way he punched through the ship like a cannonball. He also let the hapeless crew live because: “Humans killed Fisher Tiger and shattered Arlong’s dreams. The dark and tragic history of Fishmen Island will end with us, the New Fishmen Pirates. You humans, survive with cuts and bruises to show the people on earth what happened to you in the sea, and who you met. Tell them how horrendous it was. We’ll capture the centre of the world, Fishman Island, from the gutless god of the sea, Neptune, and drag you humans down to the dark sea bed. You’ll all learn that the Fishmen are the superior race.”

I can tell he’s ambitious, is this Hordy Jones.

Unfortunately, the very same humans who crushed Arlong’s dreams have just landed on Fishman island. And he knows it. I wonder what he’ll say to Luffy when he meets him. That should be an interesting conversation.

Oh yeah, and Caribou has escaped the barrel because some mermaids opened it. No idea what he’s up to now, but it won’t be anything good.

Say yes to drugs on Fishman Island!

[tevotbegotnaught]

Dubov's Last Jump-off pt 3

Saturday afternoon, we found out the club couldn’t (or wouldn’t) accommodate our third night. Dubov had to pay us, of course. Mo was looking at other venues, possibly for tonite, realistically for the coming week. He asked our availability. Once we all responded, possibilities quickly evaporated. That weekend passed and more days after.

After waiting a week, I texted Mo about money. Hours later, he replied:

“High paint he otter eyes or sue didn’t cut anything”

At the gigs, I watched Mo use his phone; its screen at his nose, glasses mid way between forehead and hairline. He looked down precipitously, grumbled, grumbled again, then pressed send. What usually came through was a ransom note clipped from Beckett. He never corrected these puzzles until one of us asked. Here, a fully translated version of our exchange:

“I paid the other guys, you sure you didn’t get anything.”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Did you send your invoice to Julie.”

“Yes”

“I’ll call them”

“is there anything I can do to expedite this?”

“Chris, I’m not your employer”

“Right”(!)

“There’s a rehearsal tonite, will you be there”

“I didn’t know about a rehearsal. Where and when?”

“Still working on a place. Maybe 7?” (3 hours from now)

“Tough for me”

“No worries. If you go, you’ll be paid of course”

“Ok”

“No worries. I’ll get back to you”

Now, I was enrolled in the Godot payment plan. Dubov was looking at spending four lifetimes in more chains than Issac Hayes ever wore. I just wanted to get my money.

Weeks later, Mo Bedbug went live.

“Bears ash oh Friday”

Mo called in a favor with some Long Islanders. We had a show Friday. I lobbied for travel money.

Any evening rush hour on the LIE (a highway, not an enormous falsehood) was a parking lot. Friday rush was tailgating minus libations. I pressed him for my other money in the bargain.

“I paid Pianist with Venmo. Do you have Venmo.”

(I send my Venmo)

“This is will be easy, I didn’t know you had Venmo.”

“Ok”(I offered twice before)

“I’ll see you Friday my place"

Mo balked at travel money, though. Arranging an Uber from his place and promising we'd miss rush hour. To get to Mo's, I took the bus, two of them. It cost me way more than the fare. Flushing Avenue, Shabbat imminent, was a sightseeing tour: high school kids, restaurant workers, construction crews. So many people boarding, I couldn’t see nor hear my stop and had to walk an extra half-mile.

Turning onto Mo’s street, a familiar Bushwick tableau appeared. A massive pit, surrounded on three sides by green plywood. Graffiti tags and band decals fading under the shrouds of old posters. At the curb, a ziggurat of garbage-strewn ten-foot pipes and a marooned RV, black spray paint scrawled over its siding and vents, windows cracked and stuffed with wads of insulation, front seats piled to the ceiling with bundled magazines and crumpled newsprint.

On the next block, I found Mo's address stenciled on the brick wall of a old factory. Drummer stood away from its entrance smoking and scrolling his phone. He looked up.

"Man, I texted him like 10 minutes ago."

"No answer?"

"He said he’s coming right down"

"I’ve been giving him progress reports. F***ing bus was crawling."

The building’s entrance, a glass and brushed steel module, sat cheek by jowl with a battered freight elevator. After a text reminder and more waiting, the freight elevator doors parted vertically. Mo let the canvas strap swing overhead.

"This way" he said, glancing over his shoulder at the gleaming foyer before pulling the strap down. The elevator enclosure, a hypoxic chamber of fuel vapors and sawdust, led darkly to a huge steel door. Mo punched a code and pulled the handle. Inside, a newly carpeted hallway, filled with tarps, drywall, paint cans and the potent smell of sandalwood.

"They’re still doing work....as you can see. My place is cool, though.”

"Where’s Keys (the new pianist)?"

"He’s here. Been here a while. Working on the music."

"You have a piano?"

"Uh, I have kind of a studio. Not for recording, but you know, instruments and stuff."

Mo had room for those instruments and plenty more. His walls sprouted art in every medium and material: paintings on wood, metal, plastic jugs, shards of glass; sculptures of bottle caps, cardboard, styrofoam; violent, erotic black and white photos fetishizing punk style and concert posters from Downtown’s acme.

I stooped to gawk at an undulating video in a KFC bucket.

“That’s from my gallery. I used to have a gallery. When it closed I moved everything here. Well, not everything, but…you know.”

Keys sat on a leather couch. He was a kid, maybe twenty-five. I was his grandfather. That messed me up. Before excusing himself, Mo pulled me an espresso from a fancy Italian machine. I packed sandwiches and coffee, but the extra shot was welcome. From a closed door, medicinal-grade weed wafted. We were a full hour behind schedule.

Out on the street, waiting for the Uber, Mo nodded at the construction site and listing RV, saying in his mumblecore voice,

"That’s my girlfriend’s art project.... I mean, ex-girlfriend. "

"The RV? She did THAT?"

"Yeah....Well, her friends... they did it together. I don’t know who did which part"

(There were ‘parts’?)

"How long has it been there?"

"Uh....nine months. Wait...yeah. We broke up six months ago. She was living in it for a while."

"Living in it? You’re kidding. Was that part of the project?"

He chuckled. "Yeah...I don’t know."

"We’re still friends" he said, mostly to tumbling litter in the street.

Inside the Uber, Mo continued: “the realtor told me this was east Williamsburg, but it’s not, it's Bushwick. I don’t care what they call it, of course. I don’t mind living in Bushwick. It’s easier to have a car here.”

“You have a car?”

“Not now. Had to get rid of it. Wasn’t right for this neighborhood”

“Wasn’t right?”

“it was an Audi R8. Midlife crisis car. These streets are so bad, I kept having to get it fixed.”

Driving due east, the winter sun behind us pooled on the shiny road. We careened through four lane traffic. Ahead, break lights fanned out, ruby droplets cascading off a humpback’s tail.

Drummer and Keys talked through the set, then volleyed gossip about mutual friends.

When the radio spun an artist he knew personally, Mo turned around and apropos-ed a story, interrupting the other guys. In the 80s, he produced videos for many fledgling stars. It was a new medium for him and Pop music. A few of his clients soared from Downtown digs to world domination. Mo didn’t stay on for their ascent, though. He also worked on an early Dubov-produced movie until the boss’s relentless cost-cutting and hostility wore him down. While he rambled, a vape pen did plenty of its own talking.

Tonight’s venue, a redux of a famous Long Island rock room, now tucked in the basement of a new boutique North Shore Inn. That building, a block-size Cape Cod, dropped like Dorothy’s whirling farmhouse at an angle to the tony commercial strip.

We had a seriously low pressure slot, opening for a veteran blues band. Ten white guys from three generations; a solid outfit with a long history playing sincere, tasty covers. Always simpatico, Karolina added "Stormy Monday" to our set list. Due to the short notice, we lost Pianist, our stellar MD, and Trumpet wasn’t available. Pruned to prototypical stripper band: saxophone, piano and drums. Not without some irony..

When the ladies hit “Uptown Funk", shimmying and signifying, the audience, almost all sixty year-old white dudes with the occasional spouse, started hooting and whistling. T and A wasn’t on the bill, but it still satisfied. Margherita did her canned steps for ”Too Darn Hot". Karolina was confident and sold her songs. Keys somehow kept the basslines and harmonies together. I completely missed the famous trumpet intro to “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". The ladies jumped in undaunted. The Male Gaze kept the show alight until we exited, dodging the headliner's B3, Leslie and vintage amps.

The ladies were pros now and we repaired to the underground parking lot to celebrate. The girls in jeans and hoodies, band in our "gangster suits". While she waited for Keys to blaze up. Margherita asked me,

“Did you have fun?”

"Sure, I always have fun" I told her. What counts as honesty when the entire premise of an act is fakery?

"Great" she said, tracking down the joint.

A couple hits and we went back inside, sitting down near the jacked-open exit door. The blues band’s horn section looked on wearily as the front man sang verses fashioned by tougher men for harsher times. From our seats, we saw Mo sweep through the green room doorway, his long canvas coat and scarf swinging. He pivoted at the closest table and exchanged with the owner, a grizzled man with a barely legal date. Their conversation rearranged chairs and sent the men striding out of the club, proving there actually were blues to be had everyday.

When Mo and dance partner failed to return, we headed upstairs and onto the porch, where patio furniture gleamed under blinding lights. At the foot of the wooden steps, livery cars glided in and out of the glare. After a flurry of texts, the ladies gathered their garment bags and kissed us goodbye. A black SUV, indistinguishable from the others, stopped and a rear window opened. Inside, Dubov’s face, like crumpled paper, if paper were milled from lipids and dusted with ash. "Good job guys" he said, voice level and hoarse. We thanked him. The ladies got in on the far side, Dubov’s window closed and the car drove off.

************************************************************************************

After dropping him at the factory, Mo left the meter running on our Uber so the band could get home. On the way, we speculated about Dubov’s eventual prison sentence, Mo’s fee and when "the New Yorkers" might book their first Bar Mitzvah.

The driver, a Bengali, navigated without commenting on our post-mortems, confirming and re-confirming each address for his app. I was last on the circuit. Once we were alone, I asked the driver about his night. His answers were brief and courteous. As we waited at a light, he turned his head toward me. "Excuse me, one question. Have you ever been to Las Vegas?"

[thejoeydavis]

Movies of 2017

Every year I write down all the movies I watch and compile it in a long year-end list like this one. Since mid-2016 I’ve used letterboxd.com to keep track of dates and ratings but in 2017 I started recording where I watched each film too (got the idea from Silver Screen Fiend by Patton Oswalt; his list is 4 years and hundreds of movies long). This is about 12,000 words long and it took me a few days to write (and a month to edit apparently) so I don’t really expect anyone to read this all the way through but there are top/bottom 10s and honorable mentions at the bottom if you just want the highlights. Also y’all know these are just my opinions right? Feel free to discuss movies you also saw last year or maybe even give some recommendations if you want to. My watchlist is about 500 movies long and I’m always adding to it. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in a year.

116 movies in 2017

January – 11

February – 5

March – 3

April – 4

May – 8

June – 10

July – 12

August – 15

September – 17

October – 6

November – 9

December – 16

1/1 – Hell or High Water (2016) – 8 – Home (Ridgecrest) – Directed by David Mackenzie – Written by Taylor Sheridan – Dirty, gritty, and full of brotherly bank robbing, Hell or High Water is a thrilling and morbid look at the lower class rural communities that America is leaving behind and the lengths to which some will go to provide for their families. The line between good and bad is muddled as the exploited seek to take back from the exploiters and as the law (Jeff Bridges) slowly closes in on them. Really exciting and moving film with great performances all around. Highly recommended if you liked Sicario (the darker and more thrilling version of this movie, also written by Taylor Sheridan) or if you like the atmosphere and/or flavor of crime unique to the American Southwest.

1/2 – Frances Ha (2012) – 10 – Home – Directed by Noah Baumbach – Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig – One of my top 5 films ever and contender for coziest film of all time, Frances Ha is arguably Noah Baumbach’s magnum opus. This film has been both praised and criticized for its mumblecore-esque dialogue, “quirky” characters, and the seemingly meandering plot in its 86-minute runtime. To enjoy this you really need to be able to empathize with the plight of these privileged white kids in their late 20s as they try to find direction in an inherently directionless time in life. It’s not a film for everyone but it’s everything to the people for whom it resonates. It seems to have a permanent stay on Netflix too so check it out if you have an hour and a half to spare. Also it has Adam Driver playing a privileged art kid living in Manhattan.

1/10 – La La Land (2016) – 9 – Cinemark Lancaster – Directed by Damien Chazelle – Written by Damien Chazelle – “Jacques Demy for the digital age.” If you like LA, golden-age Hollywood musicals, theatre, jazz, Ryan Gosling, and/or Emma Stone then you’ll like this movie. The non-musical parts tend to drag a bit, especially toward the last half of the film, but it’s amazing that movies like this still get released (even if it’s just a huge love-letter to Hollywood).

1/12 – Spirited Away (2001) – 9 – Home – Directed by Hayao Miyazaki – Written by Hayao Miyazaki – A classic that oozes with charm and has some of the best world-building and character designs I’ve ever seen. It receives a lot of praise and deserves every bit of it.

1/13 – Blue Ruin (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Jeremy Saulnier – Written by Jeremy Saulnier – An amazing and gruesome thriller from the same guy who made Green Room. If you get tired of protagonists seemingly always knowing what to do or only encountering minor setbacks placed there simply because they need to be there then I feel like you’ll like this movie. The revenger must often deal with obstacles he creates himself and that’s where much of the tension and excitement comes from (but don’t take my word for it since I haven’t seen it in a year). Is very good film though.

1/16 – Prisoners (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Denis Villeneuve – Written by Aaron Guzikowski – A slow burn suspense thriller about Hugh Jackman’s daughter being kidnapped and Jake Gyllenhaal having to find her. This movie is extremely fucked up and it could’ve been amazing if not for some parts toward the end that feel rushed. It’s definitely worth your time though, everything by Villeneuve is.

1/17 – Ratatouille (2007) – 8 – Home – Directed by Brad Bird and Jan Pinkava – Written by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, and Brad Bird – Probably my favorite Pixar movie. The music, voice acting, designs, writing, etc are all great obviously since this is pre-shitty Pixar (though hopefully the slump is over what with Coco’s success and Incredibles II coming soon).

~Spring Semester 2017~

1/22 – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – 10– Oak (Chico home) – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Written by Lawrence Kasdan, George Lucas, and Philip Kaufman – The best Indiana Jones movie and arguably the greatest action/adventure film of all time. Hell, it’s one of the greatest movies of all time. The pacing (understandably) takes a hit after the basket chase and no one remembers the u-boat scene but otherwise it’s perfect.

1/22 – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) – 7 – Oak – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Written by Willard Huyck, Gloria Katz, and George Lucas – The worst of the original Indy trilogy but still good. Darker than Raiders but somehow cheesier than Crusade, and that’s not even mentioning the casual racism, although you could definitely argue that it’s being racist to satirize the serials of the 1930s. Or maybe it’s just racist because it was the 80s.

1/23 – Silence (2016) – 8 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Martin Scorsese – Written by Jay Cocks, Shûsaku Endô, and Martin Scorsese – This movie is long and completely joyless; a two and a half hour slog of Christian missionaries being tortured and killed in horrific ways that make you question faith and the lengths to which some will go to do what they believe is right, no matter the suffering it may cause. This film is great because it’s Scorsese but don’t expect good vibes.

1/25 – Split (2016) – 5 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by M. Night Shyamalan – Written by M. Night Shyamalan – Terribly overrated, depressing, and lame. If you do decide to see this, make sure you watch M Night’s good movies first since this is a sequel and the “twist” of this one is basically a huge fuck you to anyone who didn’t. James McAvoy was amazing but it’s pretty much the only worthwhile thing about this.

2/9 – Frances Ha (2012) – 10 – Nord (old Chico apartment) – Directed by Noah Baumbach – Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig – Fun fact, this was my most watched movie in 2017.

2/9 – Captain Fantastic (2016) – 8 – Nord – Directed by Matt Ross – Written by Matt Ross – There are pacing issues but this movie is a solid 8/10. Wonderfully heartfelt performances, lovable characters, and a beautiful story. The poster makes it look like a Wes Anderson / Little Miss Sunshine rip off but it’s not that at all. Definitely check this one out.

2/10 – 20th Century Women (2016) – 9 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Mike Mills – Written by Mike Mills – Oh wow I love this movie. So so so so good. This coming of age story is about Annette Bening, Elle Fanning, Greta Gerwig, Lucas Jade Zumann, and Dr. Manhattan living in Santa Barbara in the late 70s just living their lives. It’s nostalgic and it’s beautiful and please see this.

2/15 – Superbad (2007) – 8 – Nord – Directed by Greg Mottola – Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg – A true classic. I watched this for the first time on an iPod Nano in 2008 and had to be real sneaky about it because I knew my parents wouldn’t let me watch it. Definitely a defining film of the 2000s and one that’ll be remembered fondly.

2/15 – Knowing (2009) – 5 – Nord – Directed by Alex Proyas – Written by Ryne Douglas Pearson, Juliet Snowden, and Stiles White – This movie combines an interesting premise with some seriously disturbing disaster visuals and a not-the-worst performance from our boy Nic Cage. I actually really enjoy this movie and aside from pacing/writing issues and a questionable ending it's not even that bad.

3/12 – Kong: Skull Island (2017) – 5 – AMC Disneyland – Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts – Starring Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, Brie Larson, John Goodman, and John C. Reilly – This movie is a total schlock-fest and it’s fun as hell. Super fun action, cool creature designs, a dope setting, and John C Reilly is a god among men. On the flip side, the first 20 minutes kind of suck, the pacing is INSANE, the characterization is terrible, and the love-story was half-assedly shoehorned in but if you like over-the-top ridiculous bullshit then you’ll fucking love this movie because that’s all it is.

3/17 – Hot Rod (2007) – 7 – Home – Directed by Akiva Schaffer – Written by Pam Brady – One of the best comedies of the 2000s. Legitimately hilarious and super well written. Cool beans.

3/19 – Midnight in Paris (2011) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Woody Allen – Written by Woody Allen – I used to love Midnight in Paris but upon re-watch I noticed there are really just a few excellent scenes surrounded by terribly lazy writing. I love the themes and the depictions of the modernists but the writing is typical phoned in Woody Allen bullshit. Woody Allen retire bitch.

4/1 – The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) – 9 – Nord – Directed by Wes Anderson – Written by Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson – Starring Bill Murray, Anjelica Huston, Cate Blanchett, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson, and Jeff Goldblum – Gets better every time I watch it. It’s definitely up there with Anderson’s best even though Grand Budapest or Tenenbaum usually overshadows it. Wonderful soundtrack.

4/2 – Get Out (2017) – 8 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Jordan Peele – Written by Jordan Peele – Relevant, funny, and poignant; This only gets better on re-watch because the script is tight as fuck and there are small things that only make sense in hindsight. Also I never realized before but there’s a very good reason the protagonist is a photographer and the thematic significance of black bodies also can’t be ignored. A very well written movie and I can’t wait to see what Jordan Peele has in store for the future.

4/6 – The Discovery (2017) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Charlie McDowell – Written by Charlie McDowell and Justin Lader – The worst Black Mirror episode you could possibly imagine: very interesting premise with a terribly flawed execution. Really it’s just boring and that’s the worst thing it could be. Also why is Jason Segel in this?

4/17 – The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) – 4 – Nord – Directed by André Øvredal – Written by Ian B. Goldberg and Richard Naing – The first hour was enjoyable and suspenseful but by the end I really didn’t give a shit. Very meh and wastes Emile Hirsch and an ok premise.

5/9 – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) – 6 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by James Gunn – Written by James Gunn – Back in May people were saying this is better than the first Guardians and I have no idea what movie they watched because this is blatantly awful in comparison. 80% of the action scenes are fun and engaging but the other 20% are I-want-to-go-home levels of boring. The emotional moments were certainly much better than the first but the jokes are much worse BY FAR. “Haha nipples haha turds hahaha trash panda huehuehue.” The jokes that land are hilarious but when they fall flat they fall hard. The pacing of this thing is baffling as well with short periods of insane action and long periods of nothing but failed emotion baiting and baby groot being a fool. I sleep. I do think the plot was more interesting than the first and Yondu’s story was awesome but this could have been much better. It wasn’t, but it definitely could’ve been.

5/12 – Don’t Think Twice (2016) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Mike Birbiglia – Written by Mike Birbiglia – Starring Keegan-Michael Key, Gillian Jacobs, Mike Birbiglia, Kate Micucci, and Chris Gethard – This is about a bunch of improv comics struggling with their failures and insecurities in the failing Brooklyn improv scene while one of their troupe makes it big and joins the cast of SNL. I don’t want to say anything else because there’s not much else without spoilers but you should watch this if you like comedy/comedians/improv. Pros: Written by Mike Birbiglia. Cons: Lena Dunham cameo.

5/20 – Possession (1981) – 10 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Andrzej Żuławski – Written by Andrzej Żuławski – This movie is completely insane and it fucking rules. It’s impossible to articulate anything about this movie because it’s a totally evil and fucked up cosmic horror film that relies on atmosphere and makes less sense the closer you look at it. I highly recommend this film but be prepared to leave with a ton of questions and no answers at all.

5/21 – Prometheus (2012) – 6 – Nord – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelhof – People give this movie too much shit. I loved this back in 2012 and thought the idea of the engineers creating humanity then coming back and trying to kill them was very interesting. 5 years later I’m not totally sold on the execution but the characters are great despite their stupidity and the premise is a fun exploration into the Alien universe. I re-watched this in preparation for Covenant thinking it would be necessary but no it didn’t matter at all.

5/23 – Alien: Covenant (2017) – 5 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Jack Paglen, John Logan, Dante Harper, and Michael Green – “I’ll do the fingering.” This movie is ridiculous. The first 45 minutes or so are great and harken back to a time when Ridley Scott movies weren’t synonymous with schlocky garbage, but then it devolves into typical thoughtless action-horror. Don’t expect any questions from Prometheus to be answered and don’t expect any questions from this one to be answered because by the end of the film nothing matters. Fassbender is far and away the best part of this and the action is really cool if you don’t think about it. Really, both Prometheus and Covenant are good movies if you don’t think about the things that make them bad. Like at least they’re entertaining.

5/24 – I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore (2017) – Nord – Directed by Macon Blair – Written by Macon Blair – Starring Melanie Lynskey and Elijah Wood – A fun Netflix original by Macon Blair, the protagonist of Blue Ruin and Nazi dude in Green Room. This almost seems allegorical in how it depicts those who do violence, those who oppose violence by any means necessary (even going as far as to commit violence themselves), and those who oppose violence regardless of intent or justice. It’s shot pretty well and it’s good to see Elijah Wood and Melanie Lynskey back together again (Over the Garden Wall).

5/24 – The Iron Giant (1999) – 9 – Nord – Directed by Brad Bird – Written by Ted Hughes, Brad Bird, and Tim McCanlies – A classic and a cornerstone of my childhood. One of the best animated films of all time hands down. RIP John Mahoney :(

5/27 – Alien (1979) – 8 – Nord – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett – I need to watch Alien again because I feel like other people see more in it than I do. It’s great but it’s underwhelming and I expected more from it (didn’t affect my rating). It’s better than the new films but something about it didn’t work for me I guess. I’ll watch it again in 2018.

~Summer~

6/2 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) – 5 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg – Written by Jeff Nathanson and Terry Rossio – I didn’t hate this movie. Weird pacing in the first half, the plot was much looser than previous Pirates films, and the actual climax with the mcguffin was terrible BUT there were some really cool sequences and great locales/sets. I’d venture a guess that most of the budget for this went to the sets and Johnny Depp. There are really no surprises here and if you liked any of the other Pirates movies you’ll probably enjoy yourself. It’s better than the previous two. Also that one shot with the stars on the island was incredible.

6/3 – Wonder Woman (2017) – 6 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Patty Jenkins ��� Written by Geoff Johns, Allan Heinberg, Zack Snyder, and Jason Fuchs – The best DCEU film and a cool WWI film but there are MANY problems. Regarding the good; this movie had fun characters, the whole beginning part on the island looked beautiful, and Gal Godot and Chris Pine are wonderful. I also rather liked the first half or so. As for the bad—there’s a lot of it. The framing device is god-awful, the CGI is laughably bad, there’s an HOUR of exposition upfront in which nothing happens, an entire German battleship disappears after they kill 30 guys on the beach and is never brought up again or explained, there’s an overuse of slow mo making the CGI look even worse, every shot off the island (even the ones in broad daylight) look like they were filmed through limo tint, and the third act is a mess. But the biggest problem I have with this film is that Diana never learns from her mistakes and is almost too naïve to be likeable. She’s doing her own thing the whole movie trying to get to Ares specifically and then when the third act comes we realize oh none of it even mattered and Chris Pine is the one who actually saves the day. DC is straight up incompetent.

6/5 – The Void (2016) – 4 – Home – Directed by Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski – Written by Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski  – Cool Lovecraftian themes, some awesome practical creature effects and designs, and seriously disturbing imagery marred by a boring script and wholly uninteresting characters. This could’ve been good if the cosmic horror elements were fleshed out more but this movie is pretty lame as is.

6/6 – Chris Chan Documentary – 6 – Home – Directed by Josh L (Sachumo) – Written and Edited by Josh L (Sachumo) – Christian Weston Chandler (known as “Chris Chan”) is a 33 year old high-functioning autistic internet celebrity/punching bag known for his “countless anti-social episodes and traumatic events in his life. From public outbursts to assault of property and people, these events have eaten away at his very sanity.” I first learned about Chris Chan through memes and people doing impressions of his distinctive voice but I later learned about the man, the meme, the legend and became curious to find out more as many who discover him do. Chris is basically what happens when those with autism or other mental disabilities don’t receive the help they need at an early enough age and then discover the Internet where they find themselves at the mercy of a population disconnected from the consequences of their actions. Chris is probably most well known for his creation of Sonichu, an OC character that is a hybrid between Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu, but he’s probably equally well known for engaging with the trolls who have harassed him for well over a decade. If you’d like to learn more about Chris Chan I recommend checking out this movie, the Chris Chan Documentary: https://youtu.be/bXjnakAlF-s or this Down the Rabbit Hole episode about Chris: https://youtu.be/5IPtLvxO8hs OR the best version; the Chris Chan Lecture: https://youtu.be/vFOIauPQ5XI

6/19 – It Comes at Night (2017) – 7 – Christiana Cinemark Newark, DE – Directed by Trey Edward Shults – Written by Trey Edward Shults – I love the concept of the audience only knowing as much as the characters; it gives the film a sense of immersion you don't get with other horror suspense films. Despite that I don't think this lived up to its potential so it was a bit disappointing imo. They could've done more with it but for what it is I think it's completely fine. I don't think it's fair or sound to judge a movie based on expectations vs. result so I won't do that here but I think they could've gotten away with a little more plot. I'll probably never watch it again but I enjoyed it and would recommend it fur sure, especially if you like what a24 has released previously.

6/19 – Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) – 2 – Hockessin, DE – Directed by Roland Emmerich – Written by Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich, Nicolas Wright, James A. Woods, James Vanderbilt – This movie sucks so bad I purged it from my brain.

6/20 – The Mummy (2017) – 3 – United Artists Philly – Directed by Alex Kurtzman – Written by Christopher McQuarrie, David Koepp, and Dylan Kussman – I didn’t hate this movie but I did get bored around the second or third round of expository monologue. Tonally inconsistent and, at times, what seemed like an inexplicable combination of two different movies. There were the parts about the Jekyll SCP-esque society for containing evil, which I thought was pretty cool, but then there were the parts about the actual mummy, which I couldn’t have cared less about. I think everyone did a fine job here with what they were given except for Jake Johnson whose delivery was ridiculously terrible for some reason lmao

6/29 – Life (2017) – 4 – Home – Directed by Daniel Espinosa – Written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick – Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, and Ryan Reynolds – I literally just wrote a list as I watched so here are the most important thoughts I guess: the score is extremely generic, some really dodgy CGI in places, the characters are idiots, I got bored and looked at the time and there were still 45 minutes left oh god, they refuse to kill the alien even when they have the chance, and my final thought was “glad I didn’t pay money to see this.” I also said “I liked when Calvin smacked into the door like a cartoon.” Haha that part was good. Still better than The Cloverfield Paradox.

6/29 – Crimson Peak (2015) – 8 – Home – Directed by Guillermo del Toro – Written by Matthew Robbins and Guillermo del Toro – The sense of place and atmosphere in this film is remarkable. Some seriously spooky imagery and ghost design and the camera work is delicious. Love the sets, love the performances, and love the genre. Goddamn that’s some good shit right there.

6/30 – The Beguiled (2017) – 9 – Arclight Hollywood – Directed by Sofia Coppola – Written by Thomas Cullinan and Sofia Coppola – Starring Colin Farrell, Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, and Elle Fanning – Incredible sound design, cinematography, atmosphere, tension, and performances. Most shots could be framed and hung on the wall and every scene had such a thick sense of place you could reach out and grab it. Worst thing were some of the accents at times but god damn everything else was near perfect. It’s downright disgusting how slept on this movie was.

7/3 – Cars 3 (2017) – 7 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Brian Fee – Written by Robert L. Baird, Daniel Gerson, Kiel Murray, Bob Peterson, Mike Rich, Brian Fee, Ben Queen, Jonathon E. Stewart, and Eyal Podell – Here’s my letterboxd review from the day I saw Cars 3: “Never thought I'd be able to empathize so well with anthropomorphized cars. Uh so I really enjoyed this movie and it's much better than Cars 2. Glad they toned town the Mater involvement and when they did include him his jokes landed pretty well so he was actually fun in this one. The pace was lightning fast for the first act but the 2nd and 3rd were pretty good and the climax was pretty intense even though I knew exactly what was going to happen. This movie looks fucking incredible and some of the shots looked close to photorealistic. The lighting especially was so fucking choice dang. Can u tell I love Pixar movies?”

7/6 – The Thing (1982) – 10 – Home – Directed by John Carpenter – Written by Bill Lancaster and John W. Campbell Jr. – Arguably one of the best horror films of all time and a personal favorite of mine. Practical effects are life. It’s just perfect. The second watch later this year has more info about it so read that one too.

7/9 – Despicable Me 3 (2017) – 6 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Kyle Balda and Pierre Coffin – Written by Ken Daurio – This was fun. The animation looked pretty good and Trey Parker was pretty hilarious in every scene he was in, although I couldn't help my cynicism and notice how transparent some of their decisions for this installment were. Dr. Nefario is frozen in carbonate because I'm guessing they couldn't get Russell Brand again and they included a ton of 80s stuff to cash in on the whole stranger things / 80s nostalgia craze. Even with these things in mind they still wrote a more than coherent plot around it so whatever I won't fault them even though they weren't very subtle about it. There were 2-4 separate plots going on at any given time but it worked because it kept the movie flowing well. The minions were ok but they didn't do much. Pacing was pretty good and I was surprised to find out it was only like 1h25m. If you liked the other ones you'll like this one.

7/10 – The Big Sick (2017) – 8 – Ventura Downtown 10 – Directed by Michael Showalter – Written by Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon – Starring Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Holly Hunter, and Ray Romano – Fucking incredible. I used to love comedy—I still do but I used to too—and if you love comedians like I do then you will probably love this film as well. Kumail's story is hilarious as it is heartbreaking and it completely subverts the romantic dramedy format that Apatow films are known for. Someone recently criticized Apatow films for running about 20 mins too long and I definitely felt that with this one too (less so on rewatch). Still works even if it feels a bit overlong. Anyway yeah throw all your fucking money at this film. Stories like these deserve to be told and, most importantly, seen. 1000 congrats to Kumail and everyone else involved.

7/14 – Aliens (1986) – 7 – Home – Directed by James Cameron – Written by James Cameron – I really don’t know why Alien is such a successful franchise. The first Alien is great, Aliens is good but not great, and the rest are shit in comparison. I can barely remember anything about this movie and this isn’t even the first time I’ve seen it. Perhaps it is not for me. All I can remember is Bishop’s knife trick (WHAOOOOOOAOAAOOHHH WHAOOAOAOAOHHHHHH WHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHH) and Newt saying “they moostly come at night,, moostly”

7/15 – Baby Driver (2017) – 7 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Edgar Wright – Written by Edgar Wright – Overrated. The deaf representation, synchronized soundtrack, and performances are great but this is the weakest film Edgar Wright has done imo. The pacing is weird and it doesn’t always make sense given the character motivations and also Kevin Spacey is in a movie called baby driver. Kinda forgettable in hindsight.

7/17 – The Big Lebowski (1998) – 10 – Oak – Directed by Joel Coen – Written by Joel and Ethan Coen – Starring Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi, and Philip Seymour Hoffman – A lot of people don’t like this movie and I feel like it’s because the comedy is derived from the characters instead of actual jokes and gags. These people are hilarious and the characterization is absolutely incredible so by the end of the movie you should be completely on board with the chaos that is the Big Lebowski. Absolutely masterful writing and directing because it’s the coen bros.

7/18 – Friday (1995) – 5 – Oak – Directed by F. Gary Gray – Written by DJ Pooh and Ice Cube – Starring Ice Cube and Chris Tucker – This was the first time I watched Friday and now I know where all the annoying piece of shit kids in middle school got all their references. This movie is pretty funny though so I don’t blame em.

7/20 – The Green Inferno (2013) – 3 – Oak – Directed by Eli Roth – Written by Guillermo Amoedo and Eli Roth – This gets worse every time I watch it so why the fuck do I keep watching it. The only thing this movie has going for it (if you can even say that) is that the gore is legitimately fucked up. Honestly this movie would work pretty well if it went the dark and gritty Cannibal Holocaust route but it’s just so ridiculously stupid and tonally inconsistent.

7/22 – Dunkirk 70mm IMAX (2017) – 10 – Ontario 22 – Directed by Christopher Nolan – Written by Christopher Nolan – What I’d imagine a perfect movie looks like. Maybe it’s because I saw this in 70mm IMAX but this film is incredible. It doesn’t feel like it should be but it really is that good. The biggest complaint I’ve seen about this has been about the lack of characterization, which is very obviously not the point of this movie at all and shouldn’t be taken into consideration when critiquing it. The characters are not the point. You don’t need a lull in the action where 5 people gather around a campfire and talk about their lady back home like every single other shitty melodramatic war movie since the beginning of time. This isn’t Saving Private Ryan; it’s fucking Dunkirk. It’s a mad dash through land, sea, and air to survive. It’s tense, it’s moving, and it’s pure suspense and thrills from start to finish. One of the best movies of the year no doubt about it. Seeing it in IMAX was a revelation.

7/23 – Enemy (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Denis Villeneuve – Written by José Saramago and Javier Gullón – This movie is crazy. Just watch it without looking up anything about it I promise it’ll be better that way. And make sure you pay attention from start to finish to get the best experience because there’s tons of symbolism (spiders and webs etc). I’d think this would get better on rewatch if the first viewing wasn’t so insane.

7/29 – Dunkirk 70mm IMAX (2017) – 10 – Regal Hacienda Crossings 20 – Directed by Christopher Nolan – Written by Christopher Nolan – It was even better the second time.

8/1 – The Prestige (2006) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Christopher Nolan– Written by Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan, and Christopher Priest – Even though I rated Dunkirk higher I’d say this is Nolan’s best work. Everything has a purpose and everything is important. “Are you watching closely?” Only complaint is that there’s something about this that feels cheesy but that might just be a Nolan thing.

8/2 – Spider-Man 2 (2004) – 6 – Oak – Directed by Sam Raimi – Written by Alvin Sargent and Stan Lee – Not nearly enough Spider-Man in this Spider-Man movie. Also it’s cheesy as hell because 2004.

8/3 – Jackass: The Movie (2002) – 6 – Andrew’s House – Directed by Jeff Tremaine – Written by Jeff Tremaine, Johnny Knoxville, and Spike Jonze – Like it or not, jackass is culturally significant and a perfect snapshot of the MTV crowd in the early 2000s. This is my childhood and I’m happy the newer generations are still watching this stuff.

8/4 – Mattress Man Commercial (2003) – 8 – Home – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman – A comedic short featured on the 2-disc DVD of Punch-Drunk Love, released in June 2003: https://youtu.be/fkeLGisUHtc

This is actually a parody of this original mattress man commercial: https://youtu.be/Fsro18nP3mg

8/7 – The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) – 8 – Home – Directed by John Huston – Written by John Huston and B. Traven – Starring Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, and Tim Holt – Great movie about greed and humanity. It’s no wonder Paul Thomas Anderson named this as an inspiration for There Will Be Blood. Kinda slow but worth it in the end. Required viewing as far as Bogart movies go. I don’t remember it very well to be honest.

8/8 – Gangs of New York (2002) – 7 – Home – Directed by Martin Scorsese – Written by Jay Cocks, Steven Zaillian, and Kenneth Lonergan – Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing in this, Leo is alright in this, and Cameron Diaz—well I guess my question is, can you recast someone’s part in a 15 year old movie? I heard great things about Gangs but it really didn’t live up to the hype and felt very dated, which is something we’re going to be seeing a lot of from late 90s/early 2000s films as time goes on. I have the book but I still need to read it. I absolutely love stuff about the history of Manhattan.

8/9 – Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) – 10 – Home – Directed by Stanley Kubrick – Written by Stanley Kubrick, Terry Southern, and Peter George – The best performance(s) from Peter Sellers and without a doubt one of my favorite endings of all time. If you haven’t seen this yet then you’re missing out.

8/9 – Clapping for the Wrong Reasons (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Hiro Murai – Written by Donald Glover – Starring Donald Glover, Trinidad James, Danielle Fishel, Flying Lotus, Abella Anderson, and Chance The Rapper – A surrealist short film by the renaissance man himself, Donald Glover. It follows a day in the life of ‘The Boy,’ a character Donald Glover created for his rap persona Childish Gambino to go alongside his 2013 album “Because the Internet.” The haunting cinematography by Hiro Murai, director of Atlanta, and the score by Gambino create an atmosphere that I fucking can’t get enough of. Also Gambino and Chance the Rapper have a pushup contest and you can watch the whole film here: https://youtu.be/Z_bONLcE8IA

8/10 – Casablanca (1942) – 10 – Home – Directed by Michael Curtiz – Written by Julius J. Epstein, Philip G. Epstein, and Howard Koch – There’s a reason Casablanca is regarded as one of the greatest movies of all time and has somehow remained in the pop culture for over 75 years. A beautiful and moving film that’s more relevant than you think. vive le france, vive la démocratie.

8/11 – Annabelle: Creation (2017) – 4 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by David F. Sandberg – Written by Gary Dauberman – Hot take: both Annabelle movies are hot garbage. The script is laughably bad, the directing is ok, and the last act was exciting enough to be enjoyable. I like how it tied into the Conjuring universe but the writing was so bad that I honestly felt like I could write a better script and that’s not good. Also I kept forgetting this wasn’t Insidious. At least possession cures polio.

8/16 – Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) – 6 – Oak – Directed by Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, John Landis, and George Miller – Written by George Clayton Johnson, John Landis, Richard Matheson, and Rod Serling – Starring Albert Brooks, Vic Morrow, John Larroquette, John Lithgow, Dan Aykroyd, Scatman Crothers, and Rod Serling – I had to include that all-star cast. I think I’m biased because the Twilight Zone is a huge part of my childhood and continues to be, mostly through New Years marathons and Netflix background streaming, but I enjoy this movie quite a bit. Twilight Zone the show is amazing. The movie is fine. John Landis is a murderer.

8/17 – Paths of Glory (1957) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Stanley Kubrick – Written by Humphrey Cobb, Stanley Kubrick, Calder Willingham, and Jim Thompson – Starring Kirk Douglas – I watched this on a whim at 2 am and it was great. Also I didn’t know Kirk Douglas was in this movie until I looked it up afterwards.

8/18 – Chinatown (1974) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Roman Polanski – Written by Robert Towne – Starring Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway, John Huston, and Roman Polanski – Chinatown is extremely good and the history behind it is actually pretty interesting. I occasionally listen to a podcast called ‘You Must Remember This’ all about Hollywood history in the 20th century and one of the episodes centering around Roman Polanski talks about Chinatown and its production quite a bit. The original script was written by Robert Towne, was 180 pages long, and had a different ending but Polanski cut down and reordered the plot then changed the ending, causing Towne to leave the project. This is also Polanski’s reluctant return to American film after the Tate murders of 69. Roman Polanski die bitch.

8/20 – Watchmen (2009) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Zack Snyder – Written by David Hayter, Alex Tse, and Alan Moore – Watchmen was the last film I watched before the fall semester started and it caused me to have the first of many existential crises/breakdowns that would continue up to the end of 2017. Moral of the story this was not a good way to start the fall semester but Watchmen is fucking awesome. The graphic novel is even better but I still appreciate the film. Can’t wait to watch the Extended Director’s Cut in 2018.

~Fall Semester 2017~

8/21 – Operation Avalanche (2016) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Matt Johnson – Written by Josh Boles – Starring Matt Johnson, Owen Williams, and Jared Raab – I heard about this from YourMovieSucks.org I think and it was ok. I fell asleep watching it like 3 times so I don’t remember it well enough to talk confidently about it but I remember the ending was underwhelming. It’s basically about these filmmakers in the 60s who learn that the US is probably going to lose the space race to Russia so, after seeing Kubrick’s front projection technology, they’re hired to fake the moon landing for the US government. Super interesting premise but flawed execution. They actually shot the NASA scenes on location after they told them the equipment was for a student documentary.

9/1 – Apocalypse Now (1979) – 10 – Oak – Directed by Francis Ford Coppola – Written by John Milius, Francis Ford Coppola, Joseph Conrad, and Michael Herr – Starring Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall, Frederic Forrest, Laurence Fishburne, and Harrison Ford – What the fuck even is Apocalypse Now. This movie feels like a comedy in spots and a shadowy fever dream in others and it all somehow works. Either Coppola is a genius or the editors are. I still need to watch the documentary about the making of this (Hearts of Darkness) but I’m sure it’ll end up on next year’s list and that question will be answered.

9/2 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Written by Jeffrey Boam and Menno Meyjes – Starring Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Denholm Elliot, Alison Doody, and River Phoenix – Mitch I finally got to finish watching the OG Indy trilogy; it only took 8 months. This is my favorite Indiana Jones movie because it balances the serious with the fun/cheese really well. Technically speaking, Raiders is the best Indy movie hands down but it isn’t quite as rewatchable as Crusade imo and Temple is insanely dumb and annoying in comparison. Crusade hits that sweet spot, making it one of those movies that I always need to sit down and finish if I see it on TV.

9/3 – There Will Be Blood (2007) – 10 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Written by Paul Thomas Anderson and Upton Sinclair  – One of my favorites of all time and arguably one of the best movies ever made. This film is literally perfect. Thrilling, dark, and evil, Daniel Day-Lewis disappears into the role of Daniel Plainview and Paul Dano gives an incredible performance as Eli. Goddamn this movie is so good I’m so happy I got the chance to see it in the theater this time. Paul Thomas Anderson is my favorite director and everything he touches is a masterpiece.

9/8 – It (2017) – 5 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Andy Muschietti – Written by Chase Palmer, Gary Dauberman, Stephen King, and Cary Fukunaga – I was expecting a horror movie because they marketed this as a horror movie but it is not a horror movie. It tries to be a dozen different 80s films and fails at being any of them. Complete tonal disaster. Is it a raunchy comedy? Is it a horror film? Oh no it’s Stranger Things! Wow John Hughes! 1980s! Do you remember the 1980s? They were over 30 years ago now isn’t that crazy? Buy tickets to our movie.

If this was billed as a dark comedy I would’ve liked it more but when it’s actually a lame horror film with no tension or effective scares then how could it not be disappointing? To be completely honest I would have walked out about halfway through if I hadn’t seen it with friends. The praise this movie received is honestly baffling to me; it’s a total piece in every department except for Finn Wolfhard making dick jokes.

9/10 – The Room (2003) – 1 – Clay Theater San Francisco – Directed by Tommy Wiseau – Written by Tommy Wiseau – I HIGHLY recommend seeing this in the theater at a midnight showing because I have never laughed harder in my entire life and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I knew I had to see this again to prepare for The Disaster Artist but a midnight screening is the only way to experience this movie. Tommy Wiseau is an inspiration to us all.

9/12 – Grave of the Fireflies (1988) – 10 – CSU Chico Ayres 106 – Directed by Isao Takahata – Written by Akiyuki Nosaka and Isao Takahata – They screened this as part of the University Film Series at Chico and boy is it sad as fuck. The story is told in an unconventional way and it’s extremely effective. High recommend but don’t expect to do anything afterwards.

9/14 – mother! (2017) – 8 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Darren Aronofsky – Written by Darren Aronofsky – BALLS TO THE WALL INSANITY HOLY SHIT. I had an absolute blast seeing this in the theater because I had NO idea what to expect and wow this movie really delivered on blowing my expectations into orbit. Sure, Aronofsky is pretentious and his knowledge of allegory could be summed up by a one-word 72-pt font bold synopsis that reads, “HAMFISTED.” Sure, there’s an extremely unnecessary and possibly disturbing part for women that occurs towards the last half. Sure, this is just a weird but not-boring adaptation of Rosemary’s Baby. Sure all these things, but this movie is fucking insane and there’s much more to this than “loll bible allegory.” There are at least TWO other extended metaphors you could reasonably interpret from this story and that’s the main reason why this isn’t a pretentious piece of shit.

9/16 – Night of the Living Dead (1968) – 8 – Oak – Directed by George A. Romero – Written by George A. Romero and John A. Russo – I wrote my last long post about how influential and amazing this film is because it really is that good. In a vacuum this is probably a 6 or 7 out of 10 but considering what it did for the horror genre it deserves an extra star or two.

9/16 – Dawn of the Dead (1978) – 8 – Oak – Directed by George A. Romero – Written by George A. Romero – This is what people describe when they think of a zombie apocalypse, or at least this is what most people envision; locking yourself in a mall or store with everything you’d ever need and waiting/fighting it out. The sheer joy the characters experience as they scavenge the stores and slap the shit out of some zombies is super relatable and everyone is extremely likeable. With some legitimately hilarious moments and a few genuine scares, Dawn is a solid entry in the Dead franchise. Side note: I love that the Romero Dead films are very critical of capitalism. Gives me the warm fuzzies.

9/17 – Paris, Texas (1984) – 10 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Wim Wenders – Written by Sam Shepard and L.M. Kit Carson – One of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen. The colors, the shot composition, and the acting—my god what an incredible movie. I was lucky enough to catch a screening of this at the Pageant in Chico but unfortunately it was a rather sad occasion since Sam Shepard and Harry Dean Stanton both passed within 2 months of this screening. Shepard was my favorite playwright and he will be sorely missed. Also a lot of the highway scenes are shot along the 395 and you can even see the old Kramer Junction Astro Burger looking exactly the same in 1983 as it does now. RIP Harry and Sam <3

9/19 – Day of the Dead (1985) – 9 – Oak – Directed by George A. Romero – Written by George A. Romero – Ok I thought the first two Dead movies were good but this is be far my favorite. It feels much more focused that the first two and is probably the best example of realism in the trilogy. In the first two there were many moments where the characters seemed like they were almost trying to be caught by zombies but in this one the survival feels much more natural. The enclosed setting, with its tight hallways and small underground rooms, makes for deaths that feel inevitable rather than forced. And the practical effects dude, holy shit. I thought The Thing had great practical effects but wow this movie is gruesome. It almost makes me regret calling the gore in Dawn of the Dead “gnarly.” The gore in Day of the Dead makes the gore in Dawn of the Dead look like the gore in Night of the Living Dead. This movie kicks ass.

9/19 – Embrace of the Serpent (2015) – 8 – CSU Chico Ayres 106 – Directed by Ciro Guerra – Written by Ciro Guerra and Jacques Toulemonde Vidal – This was part of the University Film Series at Chico and tells the story of a “life-transcending friendship” between Karamakate, a lone Amazonian shaman, and two scientists 40 years apart who both go into the jungle looking for a rare psychedelic plant to help them. Filmed almost entirely in black and white, this was a hard look at the disappearance of the indigenous culture at the hands of industrialization and religion. It’s really depressing to think about all the stories lost to time because of greed but these are the kinds of stories that need to be told to make people aware of that fact.

9/21 – The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) – 10 – Oak – Directed by Tobe Hooper – Written by Kim Henkel and Tobe Hooper – One of the best horror films ever made. Absolutely oozing with death and grit—the unknown actors, detailed sets, and somewhat naturalistic way of shooting create a feeling of realism not present in many other films. It just feels fucking evil and a lot of that comes down to the atmosphere since the story is quite simple. If you haven’t seen it then you need to. It’s required viewing for horror fans.

9/24 – Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) – 3 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Matthew Vaughn – Written by Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman – The first Kingsman was an enjoyable parody of Bond films but this one was essentially a parody of the first Kingsman. In other words, THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS HOOOOLY SHIT. They just stopped caring; they really don’t give a shit anymore. From the ps2 game cutscenesque CGI to the fucking claw machine sports stadium prison thing seriously what the fuck is this garbage. The suspension of disbelief needed to enjoy this movie is impossible to attain and I just don’t know why this exists. How is the audience supposed to care about anything when you’ve literally cured death? They removed all stakes from this movie just to get Colin Firth back and then spoiled his return in all the marketing; it’s just baffling. [Extremely Stefan voice] this movie has everything; cartoon car chases, vaginal walls, Chekhov’s Elton John, Republican claw machines, heroin overdoses, and Channing Tatum reprising his role as Magic Mike for ¼ of this 8 minute screen time.  Oh hey did you see that bar fight scene from the first one? Get ready to see that about 5 more times but boring. Oh hey did you like the doin-it-in-the-butt joke from the first one? Well you’re in luck because this is just as lowbrow but for the entire film! Fuck this movie and fuck Matthew Vaughn for creating this cancerous waste of money and time. I pray to any and every deity that we will never see a Kingsman 3.

9/26 – Psycho (1960) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Alfred Hitchcock – Written by Robert Bloch and Joseph Stefano – Wow! What a reveal. I wish this hadn’t been spoiled by pop culture because this would’ve been such a fun ride to follow. Knowing all the twists dampens the effect but by god the direction is incredible. Hitchcock truly is a genius filmmaker. The way the events unfold is so satisfying.

9/27 – Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Philip Kaufman – Written by W.D. Richter and Jack Finney – Legitimately terrifying. The way it’s shot makes it feel like the movie knows something you don’t and the genuinely upsetting imagery and sounds throughout make this such a weird and surreal journey. The practical effects are awesome and the ending is insane. Definitely the best Body Snatchers adaptation.

9/29 – Ingrid Goes West (2017) – 5 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Matt Spicer – Written by David Branson Smith and Matt Spicer – Starring Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olson, O’Shea Jackson Jr, and Wyatt Russell – A total takedown of social media culture. Ingrid is an extreme example of how social media normalizes over sharing and voyeurism, allows for and encourages total curation and bastardization of self-image, and how it rewards mental illness. It’s a numbers game and Ingrid is #killingit. Jk but I found the commentary in the first half to be especially effective and hilarious. It’s just so ridiculous but horrifyingly relatable—like Spring Breakers for social media but not as good (and if you didn’t like Spring Breakers then this movie is better if only because it’s not nearly as esoteric). Worth a watch if ur millennial scum like me.

10/1 – The Fog (1980) – 6 – Oak – Directed by John Carpenter – Written by Debra Hill and John Carpenter – I had no idea this was a ghost pirate movie. Felt like it had potential that it failed to reach by being so small scale and just kind of lame in general. Sorry if ghost pirates aren’t lame to you but this really didn’t leave a lot to the imagination once the threat was revealed and the scares were okay at best. It was good for what it was. Felt kinda Goonies tbh.

10/4 – The Thing (1982) – 10 – Oak – Directed by John Carpenter – Written by Bill Lancaster and John W. Campbell Jr. – Jesus Christ look at Kurt Russell’s fucking hat. Something unusual about this film is that we learn how the thing works pretty much immediately after it becomes known. In fact, we learn quite a bit about it. The establishing shot is a UFO crashing and we get the burned thing at the Norwegian station. After the kennel scene we learn the thing digests beings, absorbs them, then imitates/transforms. They discover the actual UFO then find out the thing can absorb and imitate from a single cell—spelling certain doom for all living things on earth if left alive. Really the horror in this film is so effective because the characters aren’t idiots. They learn a considerable amount about the thing (thereby establishing rules) but it doesn’t really help them survive. Plus, it’s damn near invincible. These elements plus the practical effects easily carry this into top horror films of all time territory. But seriously what’s up with Kurt Russell’s fucking hat

10/13 – I Love You, Man (2009) – 8 – Oak – Directed by John Hamburg – Written by John Hamburg and Larry Levin – I love this movie, man. A seriously underrated and endlessly quotable late 2000s comedy about bro-love and jamming to Rush. Hell yeah.

10/14 – The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) – 9 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Tobe Hooper – Written by Kim Henkel and Tobe Hooper – I got to see this in the theater and holy shit I HIGHLY recommend it.

10/19 – Pi (1998) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Darren Aronofsky – Written by Darren Aronofsky, Sean Gullette, and Eric Watson – This is Darren Aronofsky’s debut film and it’s extremely weird and unsettling. Fitting that a story about losing your mind trying to predict the future using math and numbers would make you feel like you’re going crazy while watching it. It’s worth checking out next time it shows up on Netflix if it sounds interesting or if you like other Aronofsky movies like Requiem for a Dream or mother!

10/21 – Suspiria (1977) – 8 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Dario Argento – Written by Dario Argento, Thomas De Quincey, and Daria Nicolodi – This movie is odd. The lighting is absolutely astounding, the music is legitimately awesome, the actors are bad, the dubbing is TERRIBLE, but it all works because it’s a horror film and all these elements make it feel like a movie from another planet. Horror-fantasy done marvelously right. Can’t wait to watch more Argento movies. Seeing this in the theater was a revelation.

11/8 – Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Hampton Fancher, David Webb Peoples, and Philip K. Dick – A marvel of production design. It took me a while to get through this because it’s so slow (not a bad thing) but it’s absolutely worth it for the beautiful world, bleak yet cozy atmosphere, and one of the best ending monologues ever put to film. If you’re going to watch it, make sure you watch the Final Cut even though Ridley Scott is a total hack and insists on undercutting the very themes that make this movie great by inserting scenes to entertain fan theories that came after the fact. Luckily, even Ridley Scott can’t ruin this. He can ruin everything else he touches but he can’t touch Blade Runner. (I would like to clarify that Ridley Scott is a great visionary and director, just a bad storyteller)

11/8 – Blade Runner (2049) – 9 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Denis Villeneuve – Written by Philip K. Dick, Hampton Fancher, and Michael Green – Move over Toy Story 2, this is the best sequel ever made. I had always heard great things about Blade Runner so on November 8th I decided to watch Blade Runner and 2049 back to back on the last day it was in the theater. On this very rainy day I put BR: Final Cut on, after it was done I went to a local ramen place and ate noodles while looking out into the neon-lit street, then I went to the theater for a 2.5+ hour sequel that I had only heard great things about. Even with moderate to high expectations and a very unfortunate bathroom break I was completely blown away. Denis Villeneuve is one of the best directors working today and Roger Deakins does some of his best and most creative work on this movie. Just fucking incredible (because Ridley Scott wasn’t involved). If you’ve seen Blade Runner you NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. It’s so so so so good and I can’t wait to see it again.

11/10 – Boogie Nights (1997) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Written by Paul Thomas Anderson – Starring Mark Wahlberg, Burt Reynolds, John C. Reilly, Julianne Moore, Thomas Jane, Heather Graham, Philip Seymour Hoffman, William H. Macy, and Don Cheadle – Had to include the cast again because look at the sheer talent Paul Thomas Anderson is able to attract. One of my favorite films of all time and absolutely incredible for only being PTA’s second film, Boogie Nights is a true masterpiece in every sense of the word. Everyone is great in this—even Mark Wahlberg, though maybe that’s because he plays an inexperienced actor with an inflated ego. Even though it feels too long I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

11/14 – Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Jon Watts – Written by John Francis Daley, Jonathan M. Goldstein, Erik Sommers, Chris McKenna, Christopher D. Ford, and Jon Watts – The first half is my favorite spider-man movie by a considerable margin. There are a ton of flaws and feels overlong in the second half but Vulture is a great villain and everyone is great. This is what a spider-man movie should be.

11/21 – Lady Bird (2017) – 9 – Ventura Downtown 10 – Directed by Greta Gerwig – Written by Greta Gerwig – The best coming-of-age film because it’s such an honest depiction of life in your late teens told through a series of disjointed, chronological vignettes. It’s just extremely good and I don’t know what else to say. I guess I could say: Greta Gerwig? More like Better Greta Oscar.

11/22 – Thor: Ragnarok (2017) – 8 – Ventura Downtown 10 – Directed by Taika Waititi – Written by Craig Kyle, Christopher Yost, Stephany Folsom, and Eric Pearson – This movie is hilarious. Taika Waititi absolutely steals the show in every scene he’s in and this is clearly the best marvel movie since Guardians of the Galaxy. Just pure fun from start to finish.

11/23 – Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987) – 8 – Ojai – Directed by John Hughes – Written by John Hughes – I’ve been wanting to watch this on Thanksgiving for years now so I’m glad I was finally able to because now I know where all those references came from.

11/24 – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) – 8 – Century Riverpark 16 – Directed by Martin McDonagh – Written by Martin McDonagh – I really liked this initially but some people made some pretty good points that I can tell will definitely sour this on rewatch. I bought it the first time but I don’t think I’m going to be able to the second time. It’s definitely tone-deaf (makes sense since it wasn’t written by an american but takes place in the american south) but I’ll need to watch it again to comment accurately on it and update the rating. I really liked this when I saw it though and it’s one of the better movies of the year if you don’t think about the characterization. I do think the “real people don’t talk this way” argument is fucking stupid though.

11/30 – The Boss Baby (2017) – 2 – Oak – Directed by Tom McGrath – Written by Marla Frazee and Michael McCullers – 100th movie of the year! Lmao this movie is bad and the protagonist Tim is a piece of shit. The kid has a perfect family life with his 3 stories, 4 hugs and 5 ego strokings every night and then he acts the fuckin fool when boss baby comes around and his parents have to,, idk,, take care of a fucking baby?? Like first of all, imagine being a kid with a broken family and being so excited to see your biennial movie in the theater and the first thing you see is this spoiled-ass kid with the most obnoxiously perfect life ever depicted. I had a pretty great family life and I felt shitty watching this so I can’t imagine what most kids seeing this would think. Then when boss baby literally strolls up to the house, Tim gets extra hella buttmad over dumb bullshit and it makes him the most incredibly unlikeable character like why is he the protagonist.

Absolutely nothing in this movie makes sense and it’s batshit insane. They were too cheap to 3D animate like half the dream sequences in the first quarter of the movie, instead using a hybrid 2D/3D drawn style that changes styles between each sequence, so I was always confused what was real and what was actually happening. You’re led to believe that there’s a modicum of reality outside of the dream sequences but then the boss baby shows up and he’s definitely real and wearing a suit for real so like this universe completely blurs the lines between subjective and objective but ONLY SOMETIMES and just expects you to accept that the movie is written like shit.

Also there’s a ton of boss baby ass in this movie. No one asked for implied anal penetration in the first ten minutes and no one wants to see some boss baby powder ass-slap bullshit or a puppy muzzle-deep inside the boss baby’s asshole while he’s wearing the skin of a dog. NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS. Then the pacing is so baffling that I literally thought the movie was going to end and it was only HALFWAY OVER. It’s lightning fast until about 30 minutes in when it skrrts to a slow crawl. There are two finales, a pedophile in a dog costume, a plan to distribute hundreds of immortal puppies all over the world by literally throwing them from a rocket, and references (steals from) lord of the rings, every Pixar movie, raiders of the lost ark, and minions. Then the movie just sort of ends with boss baby and Tim becoming gay dads before setting up a Boss Baby Lady sequel. Also the pedophile steals a baby. Also also the music was done by HANS ZIMMER.

This movie,,,,,, is extremely bad but it was so funny (often unintentionally) so I’d recommend it if you want to laugh at a ridiculous kids movie. I won’t fault a children’s film centered around a talking baby in a tiny suit for being ridiculous but I will fault it for being totally incoherent and needlessly stupid when other animated films manage just fine.

12/6 – The Dark Knight (2008) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Christopher Nolan – Written by Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan, and David S. Goyer – This is probably the best Nolan Batman movie but it definitely has the problems present in most Christopher Nolan movies. Tonal inconsistencies and plot holes galore but “it’s a comic book movie so whatever.” The last half gets kind of muddy and I’m wondering if an 8 is too high but it’s arguably the best Batman film ever made and it definitely has the highest highs of the Nolan Batman trilogy so whatever.

~Winter~

12/17 – The Disaster Artist (2017) – 6 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by James Franco – Written by Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber, and Greg Sestero – The only good things about this are James’ performance as Tommy Wiseau and the little lines from the Room peppered throughout this to show that Tommy is just as wacky as the Room’s script would lead you to believe. Uninspired camerawork and a plot that doesn’t begin to do the actual story justice. In the end this exists as nothing more than a bitter reminder that we will never get a proper Disaster Artist adaptation. Why James Franco, why?

12/19 – Call Me by Your Name (2017) – 9 – Arclight Sherman Oaks – Directed by Luca Guadagnino – Written by James Ivory and André Aciman – One of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen. Romantic, heartfelt, honest, and it has not one but TWO Sufjan Stevens songs.

12/20 – Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) – 5 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Rian Johnson – Written by Rian Johnson – As far as technical achievements go, The Last Jedi is awesome and it looks incredible. All the action is fun and intense as hell and it’s enough to keep most people from realizing how poorly written this movie is. Even the coolest space battle can’t save this from being a failure in creating tension or making sense on the most basic of levels.

I originally had a LONG and scathing review but it was really mean spirited and I don’t feel comfortable posting it so I’ll just say I liked it when I saw it but the plot, dialogue, writing, and editing fell apart the moment I started thinking about it. The plot of this movie only works because the characters are written to be complete idiots and every conflict is so contrived that nothing matters. There’s no stakes and no tension because Disney Star Wars movies NEED to have quippy dialogue that undercuts all dramatic tension because they think it’s a marvel film. Because of this, the First Order is a non-threat who aren’t taken seriously at all. In the first 6 movies we were supposed to fear the Empire and the Sith and the dark side but every time any Rebels die in this we have BB-8 zipping around like a fool to remind us to not give a shit about any of this because it doesn’t matter. None of the decisions any of the characters make matter and the entire Finn and Rose plot happens for no reason (and SPOILERS, gets everyone killed because of their stupidity, which they don’t learn from or reference ever again because nothing matters). I honestly think Rian Johnson should have gotten past the first or second draft of the script before he started filming but hey, what do I know. It’s full of plot holes, anachronisms, and cringe dialogue and it’s just a badly written. It’s too bad you can’t judge the quality of a film based on how “fun” it is.

On the flip side; Kylo Ren, Rey, Luke, and Poe actually had character arcs and everything involving them was great and the lightspeed jump scene was the coolest shit even though it was completely unearned. Overall a deeply flawed film that’ll probably get retconned in the very near future what with its relative box office failure and the impending bomb of Solo. Call me crazy but maybe placing one of the most anticipated movies from one of the most well known franchises into the hands of a single dude wasn’t a good idea. It’s certainly a mistake Disney won’t make again.

12/22 – La La Land (2016) – 9 – Home – Directed by Damien Chazelle – Written by Damien Chazelle – I love this movie.

12/22 – Bright (2017) – 3 – Mike’s House – Directed by David Ayer – Written by Max Landis – “There’s boring, there’s bad, and then there’s ‘Bright,’ a movie so profoundly awful that Republicans will probably try to pass it into law over Christmas break” –David Ehrlich. Paper-thin premise that attempts to set up the logical extension of “what if medieval fantasy but modern” without thinking for more than 5 seconds about what that kind of universe would actually look like or the major implications therein. It’s formulaic, predictable, and fails terribly at trying to comment on racism but it was super entertaining and fun to mock with friends so I give it a 3/10. Max Landis retire bitch.

12/23 – Coco (2017) – 8 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Lee Unkrich – Written by Adrian Molina, Matthew Aldrich, Lee Unkrich, and Jason Katz – Wow Coco is so good! A major return to form for Pixar and I definitely almost cried. Definitely see this ASAP.

12/23 – The Meyerowitz Stories (2017) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Noah Baumbach – Written by Noah Baumbach – Starring Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson and Grace Van Patten – This movie was great. High recommend if you like Noah Baumbach or Woody Allen type movies or want to see Adam Driver say, “SUCK A DICK OH GOD” and Adam Sandler yelling, “just let me eat my FUCKING BANANA.” One of the best Netflix Originals by far.

12/24 – The Peanuts Movie (2015) – 7 – Home – Directed by Steve Martino – Written by Bryan Schulz, Craig Schulz, and Cornelius Uliano – This movie is delightful and stays true to the art style of Peanuts while using 3D animation in a fun and innovative way that looks beautiful. Solidly enjoyable despite the contemporary pop songs that will date this horribly in years to come.

12/24 – Zodiac (2007) – 8 – Home – Directed by David Fincher – Written by James Vanderbilt – I can’t believe it took me this long to see Zodiac. Solid film with solid acting and a solid story. Gyllenhaal, RDJ, and Mark Ruffalo were great and if you haven’t seen this I highly recommend it just because it’s David Fincher and it’s kind of required viewing at this point.

12/26 – The Shape of Water (2017) – 8 – AMC Thousand Oaks – Directed by Guillermo del Toro – Written by Vanessa Taylor and Guillermo del Toro – This was not at all what I was expecting and that’s a really good thing. Color is a big part of this so pay attention to that and make sure to see this when you can. It’s kind of cheesy (as all Del Toro films are) but it comes off as stylization, which makes it more than tolerable.

12/27 – Phantom Thread 70mm (2017) – 9 – Arclight Hollywood – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Written by Paul Thomas Anderson – Starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Lesley Manville, and Vicky Krieps – The score is beautiful, the performances are great (as if there were any doubts), and for the most part I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen but I liked how it panned out. My heart was pounding during the climax and I’m happy we’re seemingly getting more of the PTA lovers-linked-across-space-time stuff. I’ll definitely need to see this again next year. My only complaints were that there weren’t enough tracking shots and not enough giant cowboy hats. (It gets even better on rewatch holy shit it’s SO good the second time)

12/29 – Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) – 6 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Jake Kasdan – Written by Chris McKenna, Scott Rosenberg, and Jeff Pinker – This movie was pretty fun. If you’re wondering, it’s completely its own thing aside from the name and it really translates well to a video game. I’m delighted this wasn’t a total piece of shit tbh. Also very thankful for the surprise cameo that could have easily been spoiled by the marketing but wasn’t. That’s super rare.

12/30 – Wind River (2017) – 8 – Home – Directed by Taylor Sheridan – Written by Taylor Sheridan – Someone told me this movie sucked when it came out so I never saw it in the theater and I regret it now. This movie is good but real fucked up so be prepared. Like a modern western but in Wyoming and by the same guy who did Sicario and Hell or High Water. It deals with the stealing of native lands as well, which is extremely underrepresented in films (hmmm I wonder why).

12/31 – The Lego Batman Movie (2017) – 7 – Home – Directed by Chris McKay – Written by Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers, Seth Grahame-Smith, Jared Stern, and John Whittington – This movie looks amazing! The first half is noticeably better than the second but it’s really good and all the meta-humor is fun. It’s definitely not as good as the Lego Movie but it’s pretty alright.

12/31 – World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts (2017) – 8 – Home – Directed by Don Hertzfeldt – “It was not its fault it was an insect; an incomplete creature without any backup copies. All of its experiences are gone forever. We can never know them. If there is a soul, it is equal in all living things. We all cling to the same brief, flickering windows in the infinite darkness... except for clones. Clones are better.” This was just what I needed to end 2017: a thoughtful look at consciousness, memory, and the burden of being alive and searching for relevancy. 2017 was a year of reflection so hopefully 2018 brings more contentedness and less depressive nihilism.

Top 10

1 – Blade Runner 2049

2 – Lady Bird

3 – Phantom Thread

4 – Dunkirk

5 – Call Me By Your Name

6 – The Beguiled

7 – Coco

8 – The Shape of Water

9 –  The Big Sick

10 – Get Out

Bottom 10

107 – Star Wars: The Last Jedi

108 – Alien: Covenant

109 – The Mummy

110 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

111 – Life

112 – Bright

113 – The Discovery

114 – Annabelle: Creation

115 – Boss Baby

116 – Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Honorable Mentions: Frances Ha, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Spirited Away, Possession, The Thing, The Big Lebowski, Dr. Strangelove, Casablanca, Chinatown, Apocalypse Now, Paris Texas, Texas Chainsaw, 20th Century Women, Enemy, The Prestige, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Watchmen, There Will Be Blood, mother!, Day of the Dead, Suspiria, The Room

2014 – 92 movies

2015 – 124 movies

2016 – 77 movies

2017 – 116 movies

Final thoughts: This year I did relatively well, watching 39 more movies than last year. Depression killed my motivation to watch things and then I was extremely busy with school in October so I wasn’t able to do some of my intended short term goals like watch a movie every day in September or 31 horror films in October. My goals for next year are to watch even more (shooting for 150 but we’ll see) and to start knocking out a considerable number of old movies on my watchlist since I tend to watch newer things. As far as taste goes I’m a total pleb but it’s mostly because I gravitate towards easily accessible films, which skews modern. I didn’t get around to a bunch of movies released this year like Kedi, Logan, Raw, The Blackcoat’s Daughter (it was okay, also not released in 2017), The Little Hours, A Ghost Story, Good Time (good movie, NOT a good time), The Florida Project, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, The Square, Murder on the Orient Express, Justice League, or I Tonya (it was okay) but I’m sure I’ll get around to em in 2018.

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