#sesame street monsters your days are numbered

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Vriska: Hey, did you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?

Terezi: *ST1CKS C4RROTS 1N 3Y3S*

Terezi: YOU L13D TO M3

[mindofsmoothie]

The Countdown Is On!

I can't believe that there is only TWO more days until Christmas! This month. this year has just flown by! I can't lie 2022 has been a turd of a year and I am happy that it is almost at an end.

While I am looking forward to the end of 2022 and the beginning of 2023, I can't let the holiday come and go without another top 5 list to get you in a festive mood.

Today I am going to deck your halls with my top 5 Christmas specials! Long before streaming services and physical media, specials like A Charlie Brown Christmas could only be viewed once a year, unless "taped" off of TV during the broadcast.

Shows like this were an event. No matter what you were doing you made sure that you were bathed, in front of the TV, snack in hand, and ready when it came on. I miss those days, simpler times indeed.

Enough reminiscing, on to the list!

5. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

A Charlie Brown Christmas is definitely one of my favorite holiday offerings. A very relatable tale especially growing up Catholic and having participated in several Christmas pageants showcasing the Nativity story. I still volunteer for our church's live nativity :)

4. Frosty the Snowman (1969)

Ah... Frosty the Snowman, not only when this was airing did it mean Christmas was not too far off, but also painted a great picture of how that first snow made you feel as a kid. Snow always did seem like a magical event back then. It sparked imagination and creativity in your outdoor play, and it also had the ability to give you a day off from school! Today I could take or leave snow, mostly leave, but watching Frosty on wintry day with a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate, wrapped in a blanket and on the couch, you can easily be transported back in time.

3. A Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987)

A Claymation Christmas Celebration was extra special because it was, at the time a brand-new Christmas special. If you look at the previous entries on this list, they all predated me. The Claymation Christmas was riding on the success that the California Raisins stop motion animation advertisements were having. Classic Christmas carols were showcased such as "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" being performed by the California Raisins and a comical bell-choir performance of "Carol of the Bells." In between the performances the dinosaur hosts Rex and Herb go back and forth on the appropriate title and lyrics to "Here We Come A-Wassailing."

The show's creator Will Vinton had released similar specials that predate this one, but I was never aware of them until I got the DVD that included A Claymation Christmas Celebration and the other holiday themed shorts.

If you have never seen this, I highly recommend seeking it out.

2. Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (1978)

I shared a brief post about this special earlier, but Christmas Eve on Sesame Street was one of my favorites and holds a special place in my heart.

I don't recall this being on every year or catching it when it was on but the memories around this are what have it in my number two spot.

I remember one Christmas eve when I was too little to go to the evening Mass and I was home with my mom. I just remember watching this while she got things ready for the company that we would have over later that night. The two stand out memories for me were when Cookie Monster trying to write a last-minute letter to Santa eats his pencil and then later tries to call but eats the phone and near the end seeing the snow fall on Big Bird as he tries to wait up for Santa and falls asleep. I always felt bad for Big Bird because Oscar was a jerk to him.

It wouldn't be until many years later where I bought the DVD and re-watched for the first time in a long time.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

For years, at least in my mind, this was the big-time event. Christmas was here! With commercial breaks included Rudolph was an hour-long event. All other specials were just a half-hour so you knew this was special, and it was and still is today.

Rudolph was always very relatable as I think at some point in every child's life the sometimes feel like a "misfit." In the end however, the misfittiest of them all proves to be the most useful and is tasked with leading.

And there you have it, another list in the books. With so many good specials from the past, it was hard to pick my top five, but I did it and have no regrets!

What are some of your favorite Christmas specials? I would love to know.

Have a great Christmas!

[platypanthewriter]

First Kiss (In the Time Of COVID)

Harringrove April prompt 01 (because I missed it the first time): First Kiss!  Second to last!  Almost there!  Steve gets touch-hungry enough to consider the ridiculous health-organization suggestions about gloryholes, and has sex and then a whole relationship with a man he meets at a bar...before he ever gets to kiss him.

Steve was only at the bar because it was right next to the dry-cleaners with no public bathrooms, but he couldn’t help staring at the New York City Department Of Health Safer Sex Guidelines, posted right on the wall between the sinks as he washed his hands.  

Gloryholes were recommended, it said.  Somebody had highlighted it, and somebody else had smacked a big lipsticked kiss on it, which was definitely not within sanitary guidelines.  Steve stood there like a post, thinking about a hot mouth around his dick, instead of going home to his cold, gray apartment, and yelling weird greetings every morning at his neighbors between balconies, stuff like “You hallucinating yet?  I hear people have been hallucinating!” and “How’re you enjoying solitary?!” 

He thought about being touched by another human being.

He hadn’t really noticed the hole in the wall before, other than kind of wondering why, like, why not make out in the car, even—but COVID changed things.  He bit his lips together, and eased back around to look in the stall again.  It wasn’t that bad, even if the people doing graffiti couldn’t spell.  It was tidy, and there was plenty of toilet paper, so at least the staff were in here regularly, he thought.  The floor wasn’t sticky, or anything.  He leaned to look through the hole, and saw a flash of pink skin, as he heard a scrambling in the next stall.

After a second, the person knocked on the stall wall.  “You stick your cock through there and I’ll suck it,” he said, his voice a little wobbly, like he knew exactly how bizarre this was, and he was trying not to laugh.  

Steve bit back a laugh of his own, snorting into his hand.  “Jesus, I’m not even drunk,” he told the voice, who laughed outright.  

“It’s my fucking lunch hour.  You gonna feed me?”

Steve raised his eyebrows, patting the condom he always, optimistically, carried in his back pocket.  “Now I kinda don’t want to,” he said, and the other guy laughed harder.  “Okay,” Steve said, steeling himself.  “I’m going for it.  Gonna put my cock in this creepy hole.  Don’t bite it off.”  He heard a snort as he checked the expiration date on the condom—he hadn’t had sex in eons, it felt like, and he half-expected to see it had expired in 1492—but it wasn’t even gonna expire soon, so he took it as a positive omen.  

“The hell are you doing, hurry up,” said the other man, shuffling his feet, and Steve rolled his eyes, and the condom onto his dick.

“Sure hope nothing over there’s hungry,” he muttered, taking a deep breath before he stuck his dick in the hole in a bathroom stall, stone cold sober, before noon.  “Hungry for a dick meal.  Ready to bite.”

“I might,” the other guy breathed, laughing, but Steve could feel him brush his lips along the side.  “Mmm, polyisoprene,” he mumbled.

“Suck enough dick you recognize condoms?” Steve asked, snorting a laugh, and felt him laugh along.

“You want an expert, don’cha,” he shot back, taking Steve’s cock on his tongue, and Steve groaned, his body thudding hard against the wall.  It creaked, loud, and the guy pulled off again, laughing.  

“I do,” Steve told him.  “I do, I do, I want an expert, come back, dick-monster.”

“I’m not gonna bite off your dick,” said the guy, snickering again.  

“I don’t even care,” Steve said honestly, “—just lemme come first, jesus—”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, slipping Steve’s cock between his lips again, and in, deep down his throat where his muscles clenched around it.  Steve could hear him choking with gusto, and he just leaned against the wall, feeling the first human touch he’d had in months.  

He’d given the pizza guy a tip, ages ago, it seemed like, and the guy’s hand had brushed his, and they’d both stood there, staring at their hands, like maybe Steve oughtta propose marriage, and the guy like maybe he was gonna accept.  They’d said goodbye awkwardly, whipping the hand sanitizer out of their pockets as they turned away, and now Steve couldn’t order pizza without his neck feeling warm.  

The guy eating his dick for lunch was so much better, and Steve longed to touch him, and tip him back in a pile of pillows in the warm afternoon sun.  Take the man back to his bed, bury his hands in warm hair—pull him up the bed and kiss him, maybe—feel the weight of another person on his body.  He clenched his hands on the top of the stall wall, grunting as the hot tongue stroked the bottom of his dick, and the tip pushed against the spongy back of the guy’s throat.  

Steve wasn’t good at talking, really, particularly not when all his attention was on his dick, but he couldn’t grab the man, so he tried.  “God, you’re good at this,” he whispered, his mouth fumbling the words a little, but he thought the idea came through.  “Jesus, you’re amazing.  Christ.  God, your mouth.  I bet you’re beautiful, holy shit,” he rambled.  “Even if you’re not beautiful, you’re beautiful, holy crap, I wanna kiss you.”  

The guy pulled back a couple times, then all the way off, coughing and trying to breathe.  “Sorry,” he gasped, clearing his throat.  “Sorry—”

“Take your time, buddy,” Steve told him, feeling like his whole body was a bomb on a timer ticking down, but also like he wanted to draw it out, maybe, a little.  “Shit,” he panted, mumbling like a moron, now he’d started.  “You’re the best dick-eating monster ever, you’re like, better than the ones on Sesame Street,” he told the dude, sincerely, and heard him burst out laughing again.  

“You want a blow job or what,” he gasped, sounding like he was crying.  “Stop making me laugh, christ.  There aren’t dick-eating monsters on Sesame Street.”

“...oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Steve realized breathlessly, nodding.  The stall wall was cool against his sweaty skin.  “You’re smart, huh.”

“Jesus,” the guy breathed, and then Steve felt his mouth again, and his hips spasmed against the glory hole.  He made a guttural noise as he came, intending half a warning, half a compliment, but the guy just waited as he went still, and then pulled back, panting.  

“Fuck,” Steve whispered, coming down, his heart pounding half out of his chest.  “God, that was good.”

“I am an expert,” the dude said—hoarsely, probably because he’d let Steve fuck his throat for minutes on end.

“Yeah, you are,” Steve agreed, sitting down on the toilet edge.  “Damn.  Gimme a sec—wait, you got another condom?  I only had one.”

“...it’s fine,” the guy laughed.  “I’m a dick monster, remember, s’enough for me.”

“Next time,” Steve said, impulsively, and heard a thump on the other side of the wall.  

“...you, uh,” the guy said, and trailed off, as Steve checked his phone, and grimaced.  

“I gotta go,” he said, over the guy asking something kinda quietly on the other side.  “Wait, what?”

“Nothing, go ahead,” he laughed, and Steve frowned at the wall.

“...I have this Zoom meeting,” he said, grimacing.

“Same bat-time, same bat-channel?” the guy asked, and Steve laughed.

“This your usual break?”

“Yeah.  I’ll have you for lunch anytime,” the guys said, and Steve sighed, flattening his hand against the wall, and wishing he could touch.  

“Jesus, what’d I do right to get a day like today,” he said, and the dick-monster snickered.

“Better run, dude.”

“Yes, thanks,” Steve told him, yanking his zipper shut, and his mask back over his ears.  “Thanks, man, I haven’t touched anybody in like.  A year.  You’re a goddamn saint.”

“Saint monster,” he said, as Steve left.

 Steve had to pick up his dry-cleaning two days later, and it occurred to him he really should’ve gotten the guy’s number, or at least asked what days he had off.  He slid into the bathroom, touched his back pocket again, and felt the two condoms.  He cleared his throat, grimacing, because it seemed creepy as hell to drop and stare through the glory hole.  

After a couple minutes, he heard the door open and a flurry of footsteps, and then a thud at the stall wall as he dropped to his knees.  “I’m here,” his benefactor said, breathless.  

“Okay,” Steve said, pulling a condom out, and trying to find the spot to tear it open.

“Don’t sound all fucking excited to see me,” the guy said, his voice flat, suddenly.  “I know I’m just some—”

“No, no, hey,” Steve said, addressing the knees he could see under the wall of the stall.  “I was trying to get the damn condom open.  Your turn, right?”

“...you wanna suck me off?” the guy asked, slowly.  “You don’t gotta.  I’m an absolute whore for praise, seriously, just keep telling me how good I’m doing—”

“...I mean, I can do that,” Steve said, wishing he could see the dude’s face, instead of trying to gauge the meaning of every pause in his sentences.  “But I can suck you off, first.”

“...what a gentleman,” he said, laughing, and then Steve heard him unzip.  

 The sight of someone else’s skin, even through a glory hole, made Steve’s mouth water like he was a gotdamn cannibalistic psychopath.  He wished desperately that he could just touch, without the plastic barrier.  He pinched the end of the condom and held it against the end of the guy’s already-hard cock, pushing the ring up and over hot skin, and he knelt to try and breathe in the smell of another human.  

The guy smelled a little sweaty, and a bit like soap, and Steve’s hands actually shook as he resisted reaching through and scratching his nails through the bed of curls around the base of the cock in his hands.  Even through plastic, the dude’s dick was satisfyingly heavy, warm, and alive, and he kissed it as soon as he’d gotten enough of the condom on.  The guy grunted, thumping against the creaky stall wall like Steve had done, and they both laughed.

“You know the best part of bathroom sex,” the guy panted, the tip of the condom already filling as he leaked, “—it’s the acoustics, right, I sound like a whole-ass porno in here.”

“That’s not the best part,” Steve told him, swallowing, and then swallowing again, because he didn’t know touching someone, even through plastic, could make him want to crawl under the wall of a bathroom stall if it meant he could touch them more.  He never thought he’d be so happy to see a dick.  “God, you feel good.”  

“...I am good,” the guy whispered, barely audible in the weird, loud bathroom acoustics with the fan going, and Steve laughed, kissing his cock again.  It jerked in his hand.

“You are good,” he breathed against it, and the dude bit back a groan.  “You’re perfect,” Steve said, following a hunch, and felt the guy thump his hips against the wall between them again.  

Steve grinned, bending down to swirl his tongue around the tip, and he saw the dude’s hands grip the upper edge of the stall, his knuckles whitening.  The little hexagonal tiles dug into Steve’s knees, a bit, but he didn’t mind.  He felt himself getting hard, and unzipped his pants, absently freeing his dick with a sigh of relief.

 Steve had always liked sucking cock.  He’d wondered whether it would be any fun, though, without the feeling of hips under his hands, or fingers in his hair—but he could see the guy’s shoes shifting, and feel the soft thumps against the stall as he forgot everything except Steve’s mouth around him.  Steve could look up and see his grip straining on the stall wall, and smell him, the laundry and sweat and cologne smell of him—and hear him, louder than Steve, grunting streams of “Fuck, fuck, jesus, fuck,” and “God, don’t slow down, you asshole,” and “Oh shit, do that again, please, please, please…” trailing off into begging, panting gibberish.

When he came, he staggered back and thudded down onto the toilet seat with a clatter.  “Just—just gimme a minute,” he panted, as Steve grabbed toilet paper, and wiped the spit off his face and chin.  

“Take your time,” he said, and the toilet seat squeaked as the guy cleared his throat.  

“Yeah, yeah, shit, sorry, fuck.  Lemme just get down there, asshole—”

“No, I mean it,” Steve said, sitting down himself, and giving his dick a squeeze.  He let his eyes fall shut at the relief.  “Take as long as you want, I don’t have a meeting or anything.”

“...shit,” the guy breathed.  “Yeah.”

“...wanna give me your number?” Steve asked, trying to distract himself from the thought of the dude’s mouth, of pushing into the heat of another human being.

“Shit, yes,” the guy blurted.  “Yeah, yes, please.”  He recited it, and Steve put it in his phone, taking care his extreme horniness didn’t make his hand shake and drop his phone in the toilet.  

“I’m saving you as ‘beautiful dick guy’,” he said, and Beautiful Dick Guy laughed.  

“Text me, so I know you’ve got it,” he said, and Steve did, before tucking his phone safely away.

“What are you saving me as?” Steve asked.  “Best blowjob ever?  Nice Mouth Dude?”

“Surprised you didn’t save me as ‘Dick Monster’,” the guy muttered, and Steve snorted a laugh, as he slid the other condom on.

“Well, you haven’t bitten it off yet.”

“I’m not gonna bite it off!” he laughed.

“You might,” Steve told him, patting the wall, because he wanted to touch something.  “I mean—”

“Get your cock in my mouth, jesus,” the dude said, and Steve stood, and pressed his cock through the glory hole to the guy’s lips with a grunt of relief.  

“Jesus,” he whispered.  “Thank you, god.  Thank you.”

Beautiful Dick Guy pulled off, and Steve bit back a groan of protest.  “Stop making it sound like I’m donating to charity,” he growled, before sinking Steve’s cock between his lips again, and swallowing around it.

“Dunno what you wanna hear,” Steve muttered.  “God, you’re good at this.”  The mouth around his dick hummed approvingly, and Steve nearly came at the vibration, moaning.  “You’re perfect, you’re amazing,” he mumbled, on autopilot.  “Jesus, you’re a fucking gift, you’re the best thing that ever happened to my cock, I swear, you’re a goddamn miracle, you’re a natural disater on my dick—”

The dude started laughing again, choking and coughing, and Steve grabbed the top of the stall, wishing it wouldn’t be weird and unsafe to just climb on the toilet and lean over to kiss him like the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet—or better yet, open the door and walk into the other stall, and dip him like the end of a tango.  Steve mumbled some version of all that, and the guy cackled harder.  “Sorry,” he wheezed.  “Sorry, sorry.”

“No hurry, man,” Steve told him, taking a deep breath.  “Can’t...rush art, right.”

“Jesus,” the dude snorted, coughing again, and Steve cocked his head, trying to think around all the blood pounding in his dick.  

“...other people must tell you you’re good at this,” he said, “—like, all the time,” and everything was quiet for a long second.  

“...yeah,” the guy finally said, sounding a little bitter.  “Everybody’s super polite and respectful, when you suck them off in a toilet.”

“Oh,” Steve said, grimacing, and squirming, a little, at the memory of how the dude’s voice felt against his dick.  “Well.  Um.  Would it be weird if I texted you?  Like.  I can’t ask you out.”

“...you wanna ask me out?” the guy asked, laughing.

“I can’t, there’s—there’s nowhere we can go,” Steve said, wondering whether it’d be rude to pull his cock back through, and jerk off, if it was just gonna sit there untouched.  “We could, um, we could like...wave at each other in the park, but it’s cold.”

“You’d date me?” came his voice again.  “You haven’t even asked my name yet.”

“Steve,” Steve said quickly.  “And you are?”

“...Billy,” Billy said, and just as Steve was distracted, thinking about what kinda shitheel would fuck a guy’s mouth and not ask his name, the heat of Billy’s mouth sank over his cock again, and Steve just tried to keep his mouth moving, mumbling how fantastic Billy had to be.

 Billy left first, while Steve took stock of the brain cells he’d lost through his dick.  Thanks so much, he texted.  Sorry I can’t kiss you.  

what, arrived back, almost instantly.

I mean, Steve sent, and then stared at the screen, trying to figure out what he meant.  I love listening to you laugh

I want to kiss your face while you laugh 

wrap around you when you shiver

leave hickies all over your body

hold you when you’re all fucked out

wake you up with my mouth on your cock

my hands holding your thighs

 dont do this to me at work, Billy sent back, and Steve hunched his shoulders, grimacing, but then his phone buzzed again.  i’ll die i’m fucking dying holy shit god yes kiss me hold me down 

I can come back next week, Steve sent, grinning.

fuck you, Billy sent back.  you know how many actual hours that is 

why you gonna make me wait that long

asshole

Steve laughed, grinning at his screen.  

 When he left, he took a long look at the bar, and a dude with light brown curls, thick, dark brows, and amazing gray-blue eyes watched him.  It was hard to tell his expression through the mask, but Steve was pretty sure it was a grin.  

later, beautiful cock monster, he sent, and he heard the familiar snorted laugh.

fuck you, his phone told him.  

 The next morning, he sent g’morning, beautiful, and hope you’re having a lunch as amazing as you are, and kiss emoticons, and Billy sent back eggplants and staring eyes and suggested Steve come by the bar twice a day.

 He learned over the next few weeks that Billy could get nearly any conversation back around to sucking Steve’s cock, and it made it kinda...hard to talk to him, honestly, when Steve wanted to put him on speaker over lunch, or watch a movie.  He had more phone sex than he’d had in ever, but Billy kinda sounded like he was taking his cues from a phone sex hotline, and that...wasn’t quite what Steve had been...longing for.  

“I watched some Sesame Street clips with this kid I know on Zoom,” Steve told him.  “Looked for you.  You live near, like, Bert and Ernie?  Is that the queer community there?”

“Were you thinking about my dick?” Billy asked, snickering, and Steve hadn’t been, really, he’d been thinking about Billy’s laugh.  “My mouth misses you more, though,” Billy whispered, “—misses your heat, man, misses stretching around you—” and Steve was half-hard in his jeans, again, and too tired to do anything about it.  

“I gotta go,” he sighed, and Billy was silent at the other end.  It felt less like dating, and more like watching the same porn over and over.  

 When Billy called just as Steve was settling in with warm pajamas, popcorn, beer, and a good K-drama, about to find out who the mother-in-law’s secret son’s girlfriend actually was, Billy called, already panting.  Steve couldn’t help thinking I just got you off after lunch.  

“I’m kinda busy,” he said, pausing the show.

“Aren’t you off?” Billy asked, after a pause.  “You’re off, right?”

“...yeah, I just have...stuff,” Steve said, grimacing.  

Billy was quiet for long enough that Steve glared off into space, because his popcorn was getting cold.  “...maybe in an hour?” Billy offered.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Steve said, “—or later this week.”

“...yeah, okay, you call me,” Billy said, and hung up.  

Steve shook his head, sighing, and clicked his show back on, watching with big eyes as he tried to figure out the complicated relationships.  He didn’t remember to text Billy that night—and he didn’t hear anything back, either, so he didn’t worry about it, too much.  It was kinda nice, honestly, not getting a phone call at seven am from a guy Steve barely knew telling him what to do with his huge, meaty cock.  Somehow, formulaic sex hotline talk didn’t help him feel any less lonely.

 By the end of the week, he was kinda dreading calling Billy at all, so he called Robin instead.  

“He’s too horny,” she said slowly.  “Steve, everybody’s horny.  We’ve all been in solitary for a year.  I would probably eat out a fire hydrant to feel some juices on my face, okay, go easy on this guy.”

“It’s not...ugh,” Steve sighed, rubbing his face.  “It’s like talking to one of those viagra emails, okay?  Like, why even talk to a real person, if he’s just gonna…like, I get him off, but he won’t talk about anything else, I don’t know if he’s ever seen a movie—”

“...he’s boring, it sounds like,” she sighed.  “That sucks, man.”

“He is,” Steve groaned.  “I feel like I’m talking to a budget sex line operator.  He cuts me off whenever I even mention work, or like, anything—”

“...sounds like he might think you’re boring too, buddy,” she said, with her trademark blend of cynical sympathy.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed.

“Better wrap it up,” she said, and he nodded, grimacing.

 hey, he texted.  I don’t think this is gonna work out.

 Billy called an hour later, and Steve sighed, but swiped to answer, and said “Hello?”

“God,” Billy whispered.  “I thought you might’ve already blocked me.”

“Haven’t yet,” Steve said, drumming his fingers on his tabletop, and waiting.

“‘Yet’.  Okay,” Billy said, laughing.  It sounded a little—pissed, maybe, and Steve braced himself, listening to Billy’s soft breaths.  It sounded like he was walking somewhere.  “Is—is there anything—any way I could get another chance,” he panted, and then it went silent, like he was holding his breath.

Why, Steve wondered, frowning.  He bit his lips, thinking.

“If there’s anything you want from me, just tell me,” Billy said, sounding a little less steady.  “Or shit, if—if you don’t want something, just—just tell me what you want, I don’t—”

“It’s not you, it’s m—” Steve tried, making a face, and Billy cut him off, laughing, but sniffling.

“No.  No, don’t give me that, it’s definitely me, I can tell, okay.  You wanted me and then talking to me was a fucking chore, what—come on,” he whispered, his voice cracking.  “You said you wanted to hold me, don’t—”

I was lonely, Steve thought of saying, and winced.  I can’t make myself like you.  

“Don’t make me get a job on Sesame Street,” Billy said hoarsely, laughing.  “I don’t think they actually have openings for Dick Monsters,” and there he was, the guy Steve had listened to giggling, the man he had liked.  

He took a deep breath, thinking.  

“...okay, yeah,” Billy said, clearing his throat.  “Fuck,” he muttered.  “Fuck.”

At least, Steve thought, feeling his face heat, he could tell Billy hadn’t been bored.  “...you...wanna try again,” he said, cautiously, and Billy made a weird noise like he was slurping up nothing through a wet straw.

“Yes.  Yes,” he whispered.  “Yeah, is that—is that even—”

“Okay,” Steve told him, and felt indescribably guilty listening to his boyfriend burst into tears.  

“Fuck, okay, tell me—tell me what you want,” he gulped.  “I don’t wanna piss you off again, tell me—”

“You didn’t piss me off,” Steve told him, and Billy swallowed hard.  

“Okay,” he said again.  “What—why—”

“...you’re like talking to a SPAM email,” Steve finally said, brutally honest.  “Like, every time I try to talk to you—”

“What?!” Billy asked, laughing, a little bitterly.

“I try to tell you what I’m having for lunch or something, and all of a sudden you’re all ‘biggest HUGE cock, daddy’,” Steve groaned.  “Like...if I’m that boring, d’you even want to date me?”

“...should I just call less,” Billy asked.  “I know I was calling too much, I was trying to just—just wait for you to call me, just call sometimes—”

“You’re not listening,” Steve said, sighing.

“No, I am, I swear!” Billy yelped.  “I’m listening, you don’t want me trying to keep you on the line, I’ll stop.  I’ll—when you’re done I’ll just hang up, I swear, I’m listening, I am—”

“I’m not...trying to get you to hang up,” Steve said slowly.  “I’m—I’m just telling you stuff?  I just—I’ve got a life, y’know, I thought maybe—you’d wanna know me.”

“I thought you were fucking bored,” Billy yelled, then, fuzzier, “—no, sorry, sorry—” before the phone was back to his ear.  “Every time I’d get you on the phone you’re like ‘So anyway, lots to do today—’”

“Oh,” Steve said, grimacing.  

“You always sounded bored.  You’re always bored, with me,” Billy said, laughing.  “Shit, I knew this was coming, don’t—don’t date me just because I begged, christ.”

“It’s not even really dating,” Steve sighed, wondering if he’d have noticed Billy’s tension earlier, across a table from him.

“...yeah, not—not really,” Billy agreed, then, more quietly.  “We’re just talking, sometimes.”

“Want to go for a walk,” Steve asked, and Billy held his breath again, then blew it out with a soft sigh.

“...not if you’re dumping me,” he said, and Steve sat up straighter.  

“No!  No, just—I wanna see you.  I didn’t even wanna dump you, I thought you were fucking bored, man.”

“...okay,” Billy said, sounding like he might be smiling, finally, and when Steve arrived at the park, there he was, texting.

Steve’s phone buzzed as he approached—sure enough, it was the guy he’d seen at the bar, with dark eyebrows and pretty gray-blue eyes over his mask.

dont make me wait, dickhead, it said.

“I’m here,” Steve called, and Billy looked up, and grinned with his eyes.  “Shit,” Steve said, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and Billy’s smile dropped.  He searched Steve’s face.  “I just wanna hug you,” Steve admitted, staying six feet away.  “You look cute.”

Billy laughed, his eyes crinkling, and Steve wriggled his hands in his pockets, groaning melodramatically.  

“Tell me something about you,” Steve told him.  “Uh, not about your cock.”

“...um,” Billy said, kicking a pinecone along the path.  “Huh.  I got a little sister.  Max.  She’s home now, but she’ll head back to college.  When they reopen.”

“This is the kinda shit I should know when we’ve been dating for nearly a month, and we talk every goddamn day,” Steve growled, hunching his shoulders.  

“Well, truly fucking sorry,” Billy said, glancing over.  “The only part of me I knew you liked was my dick, so—”

“No, I’m not—I should’ve asked,” Steve said, swivelling, and waving his hands in the air as another horrifying thought occurred to him.  “What’s your last name, Billy?!”

“Hargrove,” Billy said, grinning at him.  

“Jesus,” Steve muttered, shaking his head, and walked on.  He grabbed his phone, and changed his boyfriend’s contact info to include his actual name, feeling like a dipshit.

 When they decided, shivering, to head home, Steve turned around to watch Billy walk away, and caught him doing the same thing.  

I really like you, Steve texted.  sorry you didn’t know.

Billy turned on his heel and blew Steve a kiss, and Steve jumped and pretended to catch it like a fly ball, before holding it cupped in his hands.  

nerd, Billy sent.

your nerd, Steve sent back, triumphantly, with two thumbs up across the park at Billy, who started laughing so hard again he had to lean on his knees.

 He found Billy Hargrove on Instagram, and Twitter, and scrolled through photos of a really unfairly hot man as he sat in his car, his eyebrows raised.  There were photos of Steve’s texts, with loads of comments and hearts, and Steve found himself grimly going through posts where he’d texted and Billy’d posted the screenshot, and then video of him screaming into a pillow, or things Steve had said with two pages of comments and analysis.  

‘I think you could do better than somebody who doesn’t like you very much’ caught his eye, and he bit his lips together.  

Good thing it’s not up to you, Billy had replied, and Steve nodded, glaring at the username, MadMax666.  

I like him a lot, Steve typed, but that didn’t seem like enough, so he deleted it.  ‘I like him more than anyone else does’ was worse, and he grimaced, deleting that one. I know he’s amazing, he put, finally, and got back a Who is this?? from Billy’s logon.

The dumb boyfriend, Steve told him, and then everything exploded with heart emoticons, and Steve just called him, grinning.  “Hey, Billy,” he said, and Billy laughed.  

“Hey, Steve,” he said back, softly, and Steve talked him off the way they had at first, in the bathroom at Billy’s work, telling Billy he was amazing and perfect and good.  

 The next time Steve went by the bar, he called first, and Billy laughed breathlessly when he said he was coming by.

“Advance notice,” he said.  “Almost like a date, huh?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice a little sooner,” Steve admitted, and got a short pause before a hissed “Oh my god.”  Steve laughed.

“Maybe something special, then,” Billy whispered, and when Steve got there, instead of seeing Billy’s knees as he dropped to the floor instantly, Billy’s hands were curled over the wall of the stall.  “...just shove on in,” he said, and Steve realized that, bizarrely, he was about to have actual penetrative sex with someone he’d never touched.  

He unzipped his pants, and rolled a condom on, as Billy said “I know this isn’t what you want.  From dating.  I—I thought maybe—”

Steve dropped his already-dripping dick to slide his fingers over Billy’s, on the wall of the stall, and hear his voice hitch and shudder.  “You’re perfect, babe.  You’re enough.”

“...love you,” Billy whispered, maybe.

“What?!” Steve asked, startled, and Billy said “Nothing, nothing.”

 Billy didn’t seem to know Steve had found his Twitter too, and all discussion of Steve floated over there, which would have made him feel creepy about reading it, except it was invariably something that just meant Steve needed to call and cheer him up, that he wouldn’t have known if he wasn’t eavesdropping.  

What are you gonna do in that huge apartment all by yourself, somebody asked Billy, in the spring, and Steve’s heartbeat a little faster scrolling back to see Billy’s boyfriend had moved out months before, and his little sister was going back to college.  

Want to move in with me? he typed, and reconsidered, staring at it instead of hitting send.  He counted the months he’d known Billy on his fingers, grimacing.  

Can’t pay the rent here with reduced hours, can’t get the deposit to move, popped up on Billy’s Twitter, and Steve glowered at it, then called.

“Move in with me,” he said, when Billy answered.

“...what?” Billy breathed.

“Move in with me,” Steve said again.  “You’re alone, right?  Come live with me.”

“...is there room?” Billy asked, sounding bewildered.  “For me?”

“There’s a little room I use as my office,” Steve said, making a face.  “I, uh, I kinda thought you wouldn’t be using it, though.”

“You want me to live with you?” Billy asked again, like his brain was skipping, and Steve laughed.  

“Yeah, dick-monster, I do.”

“...you’ve never even seen my face,” Billy muttered, and Steve laughed.

“Is it my fault you’re so fucking tired of Zoom?”

“That doesn’t count,” Billy huffed.

“I’m vaccinated,” Steve told him.  “I’ve been quarantining.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Billy said dourly.  “I’m crawling out of my skin over here.”

“It’s safe as it can be.  D’you want to?”

“Of course I—we’ve never even had the exclusive conversation,” Billy groaned.  “Are we?!”

“COVID makes shit weird,” Steve sighed.  “I figured you were it for me, yeah.”

“I have never touched your flesh,” Billy moaned, like a serial killer, and Steve snorted.

“Calm down, carnivore,” he said,  “—you want help moving?”

“Yes,” Billy sighed.  “Yeah.  Gimme a couple days—”

“Days?!” Steve asked, startled, and Billy was quiet on the other end.  “Days are fine!” Steve corrected.  “Days are good!”

“Okay,” Billy said, laughing softly.  “Days.”

 As soon as the furniture and boxes were piled in Steve’s front room, he sidled over to Billy, who was leaning against the counter panting, his eyes closed.  Billy’s jacket was open, from the heat of hauling boxes up the stairs, and Steve ran his fingers down Billy’s neck, and then yanked him close into a hug, feeling the warmth and bulk of him breathing.

“Oof,” Billy whispered, but he relaxed into it with a sigh, leaning his whole weight against Steve.

Steve breathed him in, realizing he felt weak, a little, with the need to squeeze Billy as hard as he could.  “Hi,” he whispered.

“Mmmn,” he said, contentedly.

 Steve hauled him back to the bed, stripping him down on the way.  He wouldn’t quit squirming, and Steve rubbed stubble all over his neck, making him yell.  They nearly tripped, because neither of them wanted to pull back enough to look down, but they made it to Steve’s bed.  Steve pushed him back, and then crouched over him.  

Steve unhooked the mask from his own ears, and ran his fingers up Billy’s arm to his head to untie his.  “Feel like I’m lifting your veil,” Steve told him.

Billy kept his eyes shut, smiling as Steve lifted his mask.  He was pretty, prettier than his pictures, square-jawed and mustached, and Steve ran his fingers over his boyfriend’s cheek for the first time, just exploring.  He tweaked the one dangling earring, and brushed his thumb over Billy’s lips, and Billy bit back a moan, turning his head in Steve’s hands to kiss his fingers.

“...y’know I’m never gonna stop touching you,” Steve whispered, and Billy laughed, his long lashes brushing his freckled cheeks.  “...you’re perfect.”

“Mmmn,” Billy said, raising his eyebrows doubtfully.

“You’d be perfect if you had a smashed nose like a cauliflower, and nine-hundred eyes like a fly,” Steve told him, honestly, and Billy burst out laughing.  

“Not much of a compliment, then,” he pointed out, opening his eyes and grinning at Steve, and Steve couldn’t help touching his grin, feeling where his cheeks bunched as he smiled.  

It felt so good to touch someone.  

“...god,” he whispered, leaning in to brush his lips over Billy’s smile.  "May I kiss the bride?" 

Billy laughed against his lips, hot and human.  

My other Harringrove April prompts are here!

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: My Top Ten Muppets

Listeners of NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour recently cast their votes to rank the best Muppets – an impossible decision, really. And yet, once the top ten list was read aloud on the podcast, I found myself completely unsurprised. It’s a list that made sense, a list of safe bets. It’s also an incredibly Muppet Show-heavy list, even though the competition was open to Muppets of all properties, including Sesame Street and my beloved Dark Crystal. The full top 25 list, available here, reveals that a few Sesame Street Muppets ranked in the teens, but still. We all know the top ten is where it’s at, and this top ten was neither creative nor representative. It struck me as a list of popular Muppets, not a list of the best Muppets. Most of my favorites weren’t on that list at all!

So, here’s my take on the ten best Muppets – and because I don’t believe in objective Muppet rankings, I want YOU to reblog this post and tell me your favorites!

10. Swedish Chef              

The Chef came in ninth on NPR’s rankings, and I gotta be honest, I’m on the same page with them on this one. Maybe it’s the fact that when he comes onscreen, there’s no way to predict how the sketch will end. Maybe it’s the bizarreness of human fingers on Muppet arms – and knowing that those arms indicate a frankly superhuman feat of teamwork going on under the table. Maybe it’s just the Popcorn video, which always brightens my mood. Whatever it is, the Swedish Chef is definitely tenth best.

9. Fozzie Bear

I like Fozzie. He’s an underdog, never giving up in his pursuit of fame and audience acclaim. And even though his whole shtick is that he can’t succeed – Statler and Waldorf always get bigger laughs during his bits – he objectively has succeeded, because he’s still around and making us laugh after all these years.

What puts Fozzie in the top ten for me, though, is that I genuinely find his jokes funny. Honestly. I really do. So maybe Fozzie Bear sketches don’t really work for me, but Fozzie Bear himself does.

8. Rosita

I mentioned my disappointment before in the “official” ranking’s lack of Sesame Street characters. Sure, the cast of The Muppet Show has had a notable cultural impact, but it would be a disservice to Muppetkind if we ignored the impact of their friends on Sesame Street.

I could never forget Rosita. She’s not the most popular Muppet; she’s never had a super catchy song or a roll-on-the-floor-laughing one-liner to rival the others’ success. But her “Spanish Word of the Day” segments have a permanent spot in my memory. She’s sweet, she’s sincere, and she’s an excellent friend to her more famous fellow Muppets. (And as a bilingual Muppet, she’s really hecking important – there’s an episode where she deals with some kids making fun of her accent, and it’s equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming!)

7. Rowlf

While other Muppets have one-note personalities – see number 10 on this list above, and number 5 below – there’s also Muppets like Rowlf. He’s not an “Anything Muppet,” by any means – he’s a character in his own right – but Rowlf is a dog who rises to any occasion. He sits at the piano to bring both beautiful classical pieces and hilarious parodies to life, and it’s all music to my ears. He can be the Straight Man to more chaotic Muppets’ antics, but just one clip of “Veterinarian’s Hospital” proves that he’s got enough silliness in him to take center stage.

And all the while, no matter what role he’s playing, he’s still that chill dog I adore – calm and adorable, with that round black nose, those big fluffy paws, and those floppy ears just begging to be scratched.

6. Deethra

As much as I love the original Dark Crystal film, the Netflix prequel series Age of Resistance has one big thing going for it: its characters. The protagonists of this show draw me in and make me care, quickly and continually. And best among them all is Deet. Deethra the Gelfling – small and beautiful, kind and powerful. She cares wholeheartedly about the world around her, and that care begets a wisdom that balances out her naivete in fascinating ways.

Muppets are so often silly, and we love them for it. But Deet embodies the Muppets’ potential to tell a serious story, a potential we would be remiss to ignore.

5. Animal

Oh my god, Animal. If you want to talk about the sheer silliness of Muppets, you need to talk about Animal. There’s just no way around it. He’s loud – in both sound and color scheme. And he’s absolutely bonkers. I know every drummer has an Animal in them, and it’s likely that all humans do. We’re just not all comfortable with letting him out to play.

That’s what’s so great about watching Animal do his thing. He has no inhibitions; he is freedom, he is chaos. And he lets me feel a little freer by association.

4. Hup

I talked a bit about underdogs in the Fozzie Bear section above. There’s an essay to be written about the Muppet as underdog; it’s an essential Muppet quality. Muppets are characters you logically wouldn’t expect to succeed, but they persevere, nonetheless.

Hup is the underdog of Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance. He’s the Podling who wants to be a paladin. Dear god he’s adorable, dear god he’s funny, and dear god do you root for him (and his spoon) to save the day! Of all the characters in this show, he feels the most Muppety – and that’s why he’s higher on the list than Deet. He’s still a serious character in a serious story (when he cries… my goodness), but he’s got that classic Muppet spirit to him.

3. Elmo

You know, I just don’t get why Elmo gets such a bad rap. Is it that people think he’s annoying? Sure, he is! Muppets are objectively annoying characters – they all are. Yes, even the one you’re thinking of right now. But I fricking love Elmo. He’s joyful, he’s spirited, and he’s exploring the world around him in that carefree way only a child can – and he brings you along on that adventure! “Elmo’s World” is your world. “Elmo’s Song” is your song. Elmo’s laugh is fricking infectious. And yeah, I’m probably biased by nostalgia (my dad’s Elmo impression cracks me up to this day), but Elmo is a darn good Muppet and he deserves our respect and admiration.

2. SkekSil

On a completely different note… let’s talk about the Chamberlain. There aren’t really that many Muppet villains. There are plenty of Muppet henchmen, providing comic relief for a human actor who isn’t supposed to be seen as that much of a threat anyway. The Skeksis of Dark Crystal are a notable exception, and SkekSil, better known as the Chamberlain, stands out among them. He is evil and he is smart. I hate him, and at the same time, I am fascinated by him. He knows what he wants and how to get it, even though he’s nowhere near as strong as the other Skeksis. He is, in his own way, an underdog. He believes in himself, and he wields that confidence as a weapon, calmly explaining to his enemies why they should do what he wants. You just can’t look away. He’s an amazing character, embodying the dark side of Muppethood.

1. Cookie Monster

When my mom first shared that episode of Pop Culture Happy Hour with me, in which the hosts talked about their favorite Muppets, I first thought, “How could you decide?” And then Stephen Thompson said his favorite was Cookie Monster, and I shouted “YES!!!” out loud. Because he’s right – Cookie’s the best.

Cookie Monster is eternally funny, whether you’re five or fifty-five. Everything that comes out of his mouth is pure gold (“Why me not get royalties?”) He’s got the best songs – not only the classic “C is for Cookie,” but also “Me Want It (But Me Wait),” “Me Am What Me Am,” and the “Healthy Foods” rap. All the stuff I love about other Muppets on this list – the unpredictability, the ability to fit into any role a sketch requires, the lack of inhibitions, the confidence, the chaos, the unexpected moments of wisdom – he’s got it all. He’s irreplaceable, he’s lovable, and he’s the top of my Top Ten Muppets list.

[letterboxd]

Puppet Love.

Puppeteer Sarah Thomson relives her childhood through the new Sesame Street documentary Street Gang, and recommends 20 more puppetry films for both felt novices and reticulated foam professionals.

To an Antipodean of a certain age, the brownstones of Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing looked incredibly familiar. Not because we’d ever visited Stuyvesant Avenue, Brooklyn, or even New York, but because they looked like Sesame Street.

Such was the reach and power of the Children’s Television Workshop phenomenon. In making a concerted effort to connect with inner-city children in post-war America’s lower socio-economic neighborhoods, Sesame Street not only platformed and validated those same inner-city neighborhoods within American homes, but had also broadcast a version of them to the rest of the world.

I grew up in New Zealand with a version of that neighborhood as my kind-of babysitter, courtesy of well-worn VHS tapes of Sesame Street and The Muppet Show. And, when I saw Lee’s aforementioned classic (at probably too young of an age), detailing racial tensions and police brutality, wondered whether Oscar the Grouch was in Mookie’s trash can. I also grew up to be a puppeteer. Funny that.

Trailblazing ‘Sesame Street’ producer Joan Ganz Cooney and friends on set.

The notion that entertainment for children could be both educational and compelling; both targeted and of broad appeal, is a notion that has been core to all the children’s entertainment I’ve ever been lucky enough to be involved with. And as Street Gang: How We Got to Sesame Street lovingly shows, it was Children’s Television Workshop—and force-of-nature producer Joan Ganz Cooney—who really wrote that playbook. Making television with heart and attention to detail, but also with all the audience testing and social sciences usually reserved for Madison-Avenue clients, Sesame Street was, as one archival talk-show clip puts it, “what television would do if it loved people, instead of trying to sell to people”.

Not all felt and warm fuzzies, there’s also a bittersweetness to Street Gang. Interviews with the children of seminal figure Jon Stone, composer Joe Raposo, and the legendary Jim Henson lean more than a little into the idea that teaching the world’s children might often come at the expense of your own. And the permeating, unifying political ideology shown in its wonderful archival footage of the Street’s early days is a little lacking on modern Sesame Street, with Frank Oz (the original Bert, Grover and Cookie Monster, as well as Miss Piggy, Animal, and Yoda) dubbing it a “shadow of what it was”.

Jim Henson, Frank Oz and ‘Sesame Street’ director Jon Stone. / Photo by Robert Fuhring courtesy Sesame Workshop

But when it was great, god it was great: Stevie Wonder and Grover; Big Bird learning about mortality; Oz and Henson’s sublime Bert and Ernie comic interplay; The Pointer Sisters teaching you to count; hilarious parody; jaw-dropping guest stars; sensational music; and (don’t tell my Muppet family, but) Kermit the Frog’s personal theme isn’t ‘Rainbow Connection’, it’s Joe Raposo’s beautiful, multi-layered ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’.

Street Gang: How We Got to Sesame Street—based on the book of the almost-same name by Michael Davis, and very much focused on the early years of a show now into its sixth decade—oozes with the same heart and care that the first decades of its subject are full of. Marilyn Agrelo’s film, produced by Trevor Crafts and Ellen Scherer Crafts, is a real love letter to the potential of creativity in education and state-funded content that prioritizes people over profit.

“I am somebody!” Reverend Jesse Jackson and kids on ‘Sesame Street’.

Before he appeared on Sesame Street in 1971, Reverend Jesse Jackson compelled the readers of his column not to miss the 1970 Sesame Street Cast Tour:

“Children shouldn’t miss this as it is one of the most creative and innovative education forms in mass media today. What ought to make you happy is that Black people are involved from the outset. They are everything from production editors and writers to actors and the message of Sesame Street is that children don’t live in a little lily-white world but on streets and in real neighborhoods, in cities as well as suburbs that all types of people are involved in making real.”

48 years later, in 2018, the Sesame Street gang came 8,944 miles to my neighborhood, with Oscar-winning ‘Man or Muppet’ composer Bret McKenzie as their human song partner (the show was in his hometown, handily). Performing live, the characters onstage had helped raise the adults in the audience, now present in great numbers, with their own enthralled children in tow. The gang’s a little different these days (most heritage characters are now in new pairs of very caring hands) but the song remains the same: one of laughter, inclusion and compassion.

In an increasingly fragmented world, with an ever-growing focus on the individual, perhaps the most radical thing we can continue to ask children might just still be: “who are the people in your neighborhood?”.

Not enough puppetry in your media diet? Whether you’re a felt novice or a reticulated foam professional, here is a list of twenty further places to travel into the magical realm of puppets.

Related content

Andre’s list of 100 Best Stop Motion, Puppets, Marionettes and Gekimation

Brianna’s Worlds of Puppetry mega-list and dozens more puppetry documentaries

Tom’s list of Muppets feature films and specials

Puppet Movies (That Aren’t The Muppets), a list by TheDude3445

A Filmmaker Five from puppet-loving director Quentin Dupieux

Follow Sarah on Letterboxd

‘Street Gang: How We Got to Sesame Street’ is screening in select theaters and is streaming now on VOD.

[theunderdogwrites]

If you have a problem with Cookie Monster, then I have a problem with you.

Someone recently asked me how I come up with things to write about and post. Well, these posts are bona fide dumps of random thoughts that sneak in when I’m not engaging any part of my brain. I love them because they’re unpolished and exactly how my mind endlessly prattles on in conversation with itself. Truth be told, it’s usually in the shower. And the dumping of these words here is comparable to spring cleaning. It helps to declutter the mind too from time to time.

Last week my Mom and I were talking about the recent decision by Dr. Seuss Enterprises to stop publishing six of their books because of racist and insensitive imagery. For all the people screaming out there – THE COMPANY MADE THIS CHOICE. They were not forced by cancel culture, but rather listened and took feedback from audiences including teachers, academics and specialists in the field as part of a review process. This is called being responsible and allowing for growth through intelligent conversations. The company recognizes that certain depictions of Asians and Black people are hurtful and wrong and have taken steps to acknowledge these facts. They are NOT banning these books and have said they’re committed to listening and learning going forward.

Here is the list of the six book titles and the year they were first published:

- And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street (1937)

- McElligot’s Pool (1947)​

- If I Ran the Zoo (1950)

- Scrambled Eggs Super! (1953)

- On Beyond Zebra (1955)

- The Cat’s Quizzer (1976)

Have you ever stumbled upon a journal or something you wrote 10 years ago and it made you cringe? Anyone who says NO to this is probably in possession of some of the worst poetry by their hand, in the world. I know that if I was to release some of the stuff I wrote down from a number of years ago (and in reality, some stuff as recent as 3-4 years ago) I’d be embarrassed by their level of absolute lameness. I write with emotion and unless you’re Tucker Carlson or stunted inside from your head to your toes, you know what it means to evolve. It is what we’re supposed to do, otherwise we are simply stuck in one place forever and I for one can’t think of anything more grotesque than remaining the same.

“You are being presented with a choice: evolve or remain. If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same situations, until you learn from them, until you love yourself enough to say “no more”, until you choose change.

If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you, you will explore what lies outside the comfort zone, you will awaken to love, you will become, you will be. You have everything you need.

Choose to evolve. Choose love.”

Creig Crippen

It is OK to make mistakes, especially when you don’t know any better. Applying how we have grown as a society to the way we behaved 80 years ago is absurd. We are allowed the opportunity to become better before an angry mob comes along and without discussion wants to rip our character to shreds. There are so many chances for real conversations to promote development that are not happening because people are being so quick to condemn and cancel. Fucking stop it! You’re not a crusader. You’re not the moral authority. You are not the Universe’s gift to man/womankind placed here to draw red circles and X’s on every little thing you deem ‘incorrect’. What you are, I suspect, is empty. And I do not know what it is you’re missing, but you won’t find it in a state of ‘over-wokeness’ and tumbling around looking to smite Cookie Monster for passionately enjoying baked goods.

There have been calls to tear down statues and eradicate movies and people for basically what is THE PAST. If you have an actual working time machine, I suppose you can go back to the set of ‘Dirty Harry’ because apparently:

“The film mocks liberal judges and do-gooders, and the villain claims police brutality, planting the seed that other such charges are fake moves to get sympathy.”

I can’t even with that one.

The removal of statues… ok, I understand this one. But I am not of the mind where these statues should be destroyed and essentially erased from history. I am fully onboard with placing the offending bronzed individuals into a museum with a plaque stating something along the lines of: ‘Once upon a time many of us had some crazy fear-based ideas and poor ethics that marginalized large groups of our fellow human beings and created negative stereotypes resulting in a great deal of hurt. We are trying to be better than those placed before you behind the velvet ropes.’

The past cannot be expunged. But it can be a teaching tool. And in some cases, the past can be used to say – “We still suck, but we’re at least trying to evolve into improved people!”

Sadly, instead, we’re taking down Pepé Le Pew. Let’s not believe women when they come forward with claims of sexual abuse, but let’s ban together and get this cartoon skunk with perceived rapist qualities, cancelled. Bravo. Has Pepé Le Pew been a naughty guy? Well, if you break down his actions through the lens of adults – he is incredibly aggressive and borders on being a pervert. I also suspect he’s a chronic masturbater. I grew up watching Looney Tunes (which should surprise NO ONE) and I never liked that skunk. But not because he was overly persistent in his search for love, rather because he was so obnoxious. Worst character on the show. If anything, the French should be offended because I grew up believing all French people were smelly, forceful jerks.

I am flabbergasted at what we are finding urgent and of significance these days. We allow ourselves to become distracted with the stupidest things; revealing exactly where our priorities are placed. Now do not come at me and accuse me of saying racism is not important. Sit your little crusading ass back down because that is not a thought I’d ever possess. This post is not about racism.

I do not give a flying fuck if you hate Megan Markle, love Megan Markle or think Oprah practices her reactionary facial expressions daily in the mirror, but the fact a pregnant woman went on TV in front of MILLIONS of people and admitted to being suicidal while pregnant with her first child and was met with indifference, ridicule and hate… is fucking disgusting.

The mental health status of a pregnant mother is less important than going after Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street because he is misrepresenting homelessness. Oscar is NOT homeless. He lives in a garbage can and if you knew anything, you’d know that garbage can is spacious and in terms of square footage, it is probably the most expensive home in the neighborhood. See? I can distract with silly things too.

I am going to end all this randomness with a warning…

Victor Frankenstein created his monster from old body parts and strange chemicals and it was brought to life by a mysterious spark. The monster is large and strong but with the intelligence of a newborn. Victor abandons the monster, leaving him confused and when he tries to integrate himself into society, he is shunned. Seeking revenge on his creator, he kills Victor’s younger brother. Then after Victor destroys his work on the female monster meant to ease the monster’s pain and solitude, the monster murders Victor’s best friend and then his new wife.

Ok, I think it is wonderful that our society is taking inventory of certain items and doing our best to right some wrongs… even though I believe many people are being persnickety assholes. But what has been created recently… let’s call it ‘cancel culture’, where “THEY” (please someone tell me who all the THEY people are because I’d like to know who is this organized) seemingly go in search of people, places and things to ostracise… is starting to create a monster of a backlash. (Again, this is not about race/racism so don’t start chirping about white privilege etc.)

If you listen carefully, you can hear the groaning. And the frustration. This isn’t about going after history or childhood memories and bleaching them clean of inappropriateness by today’s standards, it’s about trying to control what people are allowed to think, feel and speak. And the people are getting annoyed. Just like Frankenstein’s Monster when his grotesque appearance wasn’t accepted by society. And we all know what happened next.

[snowlessknitter]

The Masked Singer: S4, E6 (Group C Playoffs) Running Commentary

I sure hope that no “Breaking Election News” interrupts tonight’s show! I’m okay with a text crawl if it’s absolutely necessary. Anyway, as always...no spoilers, just my own commentary and guesses.

Mushroom 🍄: North Spore/North Shore...Mean Girls references. Could be Jonathan Bennett (who was in the Mean Girls movie) or is it someone who was in the Mean Girls musical? Kyle Selig and Cameron Dallas both played Aaron Samuels in the Broadway musical. Jonathan Bennett isn’t really known for singing, though. Red jello shaped like a brain...? Okay, I’m stuck. I don’t think he sounds like Jaden Smith. Dr. Ken might be on to something with his guess of Donald Glover/Childish Gambino. But...there’s just not enough there for me to make a guess right now.

Broccoli 🥦: FoodFellas/GoodFellas...Copa-Banana? 37265 and a Hawaiian pizza?! That number has to be a ZIP code. Okay...it’s not a ZIP Code, I just looked it up. There’s a roulette wheel. Could be Las Vegas or a casino is part of his identity. Paul Sorvino, who was in GoodFellas, is a classically trained singer. I don’t know. I’ll go with Paul Sorvino for now, but it could conceivably be Ray Liotta as well. Quick edit: Ray Liotta played Frank Sinatra in a TV movie, and the numbers spell “Frank”. So I’m including him as a possible guess.

Squiggly Monster 👹: Oval Office; maybe was on a show like The West Wing or Scandal? I also saw popcorn, pineapple, and crepes. I didn’t get Ted Danson vibes, but David Hasselhoff does make sense. I also thought of “Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear” with the teddy bear clue (which I think was an Elvis song originally), which has been sung at least once on Full House...so I’m gonna go with John Stamos. The range sounds about right. I’m not getting Dave Coulier vibes here. Stamos was also in a TV movie called The Reagans (about Ronald and Nancy Reagan) and has also hosted A Capitol Fourth (which is PBS’s annual Independence Day special) and has sung on said show with The Beach Boys.

Jellyfish 🐙: I saw a ship called the U.S.S. Big Bird. Did she get her start on Sesame Street? I’d say of the judges’ guesses, Sophia Richie made the most sense. But I’m kind of still stuck.

[littlespacecadets]

🌟 Little Space Tip #19 🌟

It's great fun to watch movies when you're traveling throughout little space! There are plenty of movies and specials you can watch on YouTube, so here's a small list of recommendations! Things are vaguely ordered by the movies for the littlest littles up to the older kiddos, but feel free to watch whatever feels interesting!

📀 Candy Land: The Great Lollipop Adventure - 57 min

Everyone's played the board game once in their life, if not several times in their youth, it's Candy Land the movie! As Jib the gingerbread boy travels throughout Candy Land on his way to King Kandy, he must befriend the characters he meets along the way to stop Lord Licorice's evil plan to take over the kingdom! Great for those littles that love candy, musicals, and cheesy early 2000s animations!

💿 The Teddy Bear's Picnic - 23 min

Ever wondered what your stuffies may be up to when you're not paying attention? Well, they go on a picnic of course! In this special, two bears, Benjamin and Wally, help a little girl find her own bear after having gotten lost! Great for when you need a little distraction and want to just watch a self-contained story, but don't have time for a feature length movie!

📀 Richard Scarry's Best ABC Video Ever! - 24 min

Come and learn your ABCs with Ms. Honey's class! Throughout this special you're treated to alliterative sentences accompanied by a fun visual for each letter of the alphabet, from A to Z! You're sure to know your ABCs when it's over! Great for littles who want to be treated as a little one, love storybooks, and love silly cartoons!

💿 Sesame Street: Cookie Monster Thinks the Moon is a Cookie - 54 min

Full episodes of Sesame Street can be considered special considering they're nearly an hour long! Just like the title suggests, Cookie Monster thinks the moon is a cookie! Buzz Aldrin comes to visit to help him get his facts straight, Ernie plays while Bert tries his best to ignore him, Elmo's World is about the sky, and this episode is brought to you by the letter T and the number 2! You're never too old to visit Sesame Street - or too little! - so watch if you love muppets, music, and learning!

📀 Backyardigans: International Super Spy - 51 min

In this two-part special of the Backyardigans, join Pablo, or Agent Secret, as he travels the world to stop The Lady in Pink from using the materials she's gathering for evil! Full of mystery, spying, singing, and dancing, this special is perfect for fans of the show or those littles that love spy movies!

💿 Meet Strawberry Shortcake - 45 min

Join Strawberry Shortcake as she makes friends while preparing a birthday party for her little sister, Apple Dumpling! It's cute, colorful, and berry sweet, great for littles that like music, colors, and sweet friends!

📀 Lego Marvel Reassembled - 22 min

The Lego Avengers have to deal with Lego Ultron trying to take over the world! Like other Lego superhero specials, it's full of fun, jokes, and action! Great for fans of Lego, Marvel, and cartoon hijinks!

💿 The Little Bear Movie - 1 hr 15 min

Little Bear and Father Bear are out camping when Little Bear meets another young bear, Cub! With the help of friends new and old, they work together to find Cub's family! This movie is perfect for fans of the show, or littles who enjoy talking animals having fun in the woods!

📀 Robotman and Friends - 1 hr 8 min

Technically two separate specials, they both involve the titular Robotman! And friends, Steller and Oops! They're robots from Robot Land, and they're powered by love!!! They also love music, and use it to fight their villain Roboron, who hates love, happiness, and music. It happens, I suppose. They're very cute, and kind of reminiscent of Care Bears, having two human friends, so if you enjoy cheesy, sweet creatures who just want to help, and music, this is the movie to watch!

💿 Superman Cartoons (1940s) - 2 hr 20 min

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Superman! This is a collection of the seventeen shorts produced by Fleischer Studios in the 1940s! It's remarkable animations and action-packed stories have entertained little ones decades ago, and can entertain the littles of today just as easily! Great for fans of old animation, DC comics, and classic heroics; you're sure to tie a blanket around your neck to become your own superhero after watching!

📀 The Powerpuff Girls Movie - 1 hr 9 min

Sugar, spice, and everything nice, these are the ingredients chosen to make the perfect little girl; When Professor Utonium accidentally adds Chemical X, the Powerpuff Girls are born! Watch as they learn how to handle their powers in order to stop the dastardly Mojo Jojo! Great for kiddos who love super heroes, action, cute things, and are fans of the show!

💿 Marvel Rising - 2 hr 49 min

The next generation of Marvel heroes are here to save the day! Meet the young new heroes as they work together and become a team, the Secret Warriors! Great for those older kiddos that enjoy action, super heroes, and Marvel!

Grab a snack, and enjoy the show, cadets!

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, August 3

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Casablanca shocker -- Humphrey Bogart’s bitter feud with Ingrid Bergman 

Page 2: Real drama behind Rebel Without a Cause starring James Dean 

Page 4: Heavenly Metal -- celebs shine in polished looks -- Suzanne Somers, Lynn Whitfield, Blake Lively, Anna Faris 

Page 5: Barbara Corcoran, Glenn Close, Sofia Vergara, Lady Gaga 

Page 6: An Illinois couple has been married for 64 years and have 12 children, 55 grandchildren, 64 great-granchildren and four great-great-grandchildren for a total of 123 grandkids 

Page 7: Mister Rogers’ old racism lesson gains new power, some couples cooped up in quarantine together drive each other crazy but for Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick there’s no drama at all -- it’s just another day for these down-to-earth stars who have been wed for 32 years, Popeye lied to baby boomers about spinach -- it isn’t as filled with iron as scientists first thought 

Page 8: How spices can lose their kick, smart ways to reuse straws

Page 9: Disney World’s $1.4 billion COVID crisis -- Florida park reopens to long lines and empty rides as coronavirus cases soar 

Page 10: A very considerate North Carolina surgeon braided his patient’s hair on the operating table to avoid having to shave her head and leave her bald 

Page 11: Your Health -- beat summer allergies naturally, yellow skin and eyes are a red flag for liver danger 

Page 12: Star Treatment: Top 10 TV Doctors -- Dr. John (J.D.) Dorian of Scrubs, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marl Sloan of Diagnosis Murder, Dr. Adam Bricker of The Love Boat, Dr. Philip Chandler of St. Elsewhere 

Page 13: Dr. Frasier Crane, Dr. Derek Shepherd (Dr. McDreamy) of Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. Michaela Quinn of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Dr. Doug Ross of ER, Dr. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce of M*A*S*H 

Page 14: Dear Tony -- Angels are working overtime to comfort us, Tony predicts the new NBC sitcom Mr. Mayor will do very well

Page 15: Here’s a piece of unexpected good news that has come out of the pandemic lockdown -- all those stay-at-home dads are feeling closer to their children 

Page 16: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s future is all in the numbers -- expert reveals challenges they’ll face in new life 

Page 18: A Nebraska nurse was all dressed to walk her daughter down the aisle but first she needed to stop along the highway to save someone’s life 

Page 19: August the dog is in the December of her very long life -- this amazing canine just became the oldest living golden retriever ever at age 20 

Page 20: Cover Story -- Casablanca was no love fest for Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman -- what really caused their bitter feud on the romantic classic 

Page 22: Grover the blue monster on Sesame Street just revealed his secret crush on Nicole Kidman 

Page 24: A six-foot-nine Chicago woman whose legs are among the longest in the world has fashion advice for other tall women -- wear short shorts 

Page 25: Peyton Manker’s prom was canceled because of the pandemic but that didn’t stop her from making her own dress out of duct tape 

Page 26: The Good Doctor -- get in shape for gardening 

Page 27: When your adenoids need attention

Page 28: They’re So Vain -- these stars are their own number one fan -- Robert Downey Jr., Lindsay Lohan, Kanye West, Shia LaBeouf, Mariah Carey 

Page 29: Gwyneth Paltrow, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Lopez, Miley Cyrus, Faye Dunaway, Adam Levine 

Page 30: Alex Trebek: Man of the Half Hour -- at 80 Jeopardy! host has played it all 

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Brooke Burke on a swan pool float (picture), Camilla Duchess of Cornwall poses with produce (picture), Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson shows off his bartending skills (picture), Lisa Marie Presley devastated by suicide of son Benjamin Keough at age 27, Helen Mirren faced off against a bear at her vacation home near Lake Tahoe and managed to chase it off, Ringo Star celebrated his 80th birthday with wife Barbara Bach and a charity concert, pregnant Katy Perry has tapped longtime pal Jennifer Aniston to be her daughter’s godmother, Reese Witherspoon is singing the praises of her son Deacon Phillippe who dropped his first single Long Run with Scottish singer-songwriter Nina Nesbitt

Page 45: Stars bid musical farewell to fiddle master Charlie Daniels, John Travolta honors wife Kelly Preston’s brave cancer fight 

Page 46: Firefighters who beat COVID now save lives with their blood 

Page 47: They’ve done Princess Diana proud -- Kristen Stewart is just the latest actress to portray the princess 

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 questions survey series–part forty-two

These surveys always take me so long to get through, hence why I took such a long break from them. The questions are just too much at times and some are just plain annoying. But, I’ll try and finish it eventually. A couple of you have been taking it lately, so I figured I’d start up again.

4001. How would you rate your sex drive? It’s been non-existent the past few years, honestly.  4002. You are sitting alone with a stack of videos and a vcr. Of the following which are you most likely to puut on (1 is most, 10 is least) I’m just gonna bold which one I’d likely watch out of all of ‘em...

The good the bad and the ugly, dracula, slc punk, twin peaks fire walk with me, jerry springer too hot for tv, singing in the rain, flash gordon, the matrix, blade runner, the muppet movie 4003. Are you more likley to get or send random instant messages? I receive nice messages more often than I receive random ones. I got a rude one recently; however, about how I’m still a 31 year old virgin. Does it affect their life? No. So, don’t worry about it. *eye roll* I do get a lot of random comments on my surveys from su*ar da**ies, though... super annoying. 4004. If you were writing an ad telling people to come to your town what would you say about it? I wouldn’t write such an ad. My town sucks. 4005. What part of your body can you not stand to get an itch on? One that’s hard to reach.

4006. How many people do you suppose have stolen that System of a Down album called 'steal this album'? I haven’t heard anything about that, I’m not even familiar with that album of theirs. I’m there were people who tried/did.  4007. Name a band you like: Linkin Park. What are/were this band's roots and influences? Zeppelin, Run DMC, Public Enemy, Rage Against the Machine, Depeche Mode. 4008. would you rather have a poster of john lennon or a cute fuzzy black cat? Cute fuzzy black cat. 4009. make a public service announcement: Wear a mask! 4010. What makes you feel the need to escape? Just the need for a change of scenery and to help take my mind off things a bit for a little while. I’m sad I couldn’t go to the beach at all this summer because that’s my one place where I’m able to relax at all and just zone out. 4011. You and your signifigant other, crush, interest etc...who is the ernie and who is the bert? I don’t have any of those. 4012. When was the last time you did something and later asked yourself 'did I do the right thing?'? I hate when I forget if I took my medicine or not. I end up taking it, questioning and hoping that I didn’t already take it. I feel so robotic at times and like I’m just living life on autopilot, so things like that tend to happen. 4013. What do you find it hard to say goodbye to? I have a hard time getting rid of things because of my emotional attachment to them. 4014. What is your fantasy valentine's day like? I’ll admit it, it would be nice to experience a Valentine’s Day with someone and actually do something. It’s always been just another day for me. 4015. If you had to have a color for a name, what color would it be? Jade. 4016. Should preference be given to minority students during the college admission process? I think everyone should have the same opportunity.  4017. Sweet wine, fresh crisp appples, bagles with creme cheese and lox...what is the most incredibly luxurious food? I don’t know about those options, but if I were to think of luxurious foods I’d think of like expensive wine, cheeses, fresh fruits, and seafood like caviar and lobster and whatnot. I’m picky so I personally don’t care for fancy foods. 4018. Is there really anything to fear in communism? I don’t know enough about communism and socialism and all that to speak on it. 4019. Best sesame street character: Uhh, Big Bird. most annoying sesame street character: Elmo can be a little annoying sometimes. 4020. feast or famine? I don’t need to overindulge and have excess, I just would like to be able to have food.  4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less: Nah. 4022. Do you stay and help clean up after a party? I usually was one to leave early. 4023. Why was the teddy bear named after teddy roosevelt? His name was Theodore, Teddy for short, and apparently while out on a hunting trip he refused to kill a bear and someone dedicated a bear stuffed animal to him and called it Teddy’s Bear. Then it was just called a teddy bear and the rest was history. 4024. What are you the prince or princess of? Uhhh. 4025. Some people think that Christmas should be taken off of public school calanders because it is politically incorrect. What aould you say to this? I say no. It can still be winter break for those who don’t celebrate. 4026. Would you rather go to an excorcism or a step aerobics class? Uh, I think an aerobics class sounds a lot better than an exorcism. I wouldn’t be able to participate in a step aerobics class, though. I’d have to do something else. 4027. Do you believe in spells and curses? No. 4028. What tv show does your family watch together? There isn’t really one all 4 of us watch, but there’s several that 2 or 3 of us watch together. I guess Family Guy or American Dad could be one all 4 of us could watch, although I don’t really care for either one much. 4029. What's on your calander this year? Nothing. 4030. Is anything ruining your life? It has felt that way with my health issues. 4031. How was life meant to be lived? “We were meant to live for so much moreeee.” 🎶

4032. What is your usual breakfast? I rarely have breakfast, but I like breakfast foods like eggs and hash browns. And country gravy, yum. 4033. If you had kids, would you worry about what they did online? Of course.  4034. Will you be maxin and relaxin this weekend? Sure. If not, what are your weekened plans? 4035. Who has the most interesting story to tell: someone who used to fly to asia as a drug trader the ceo of Nike a nyc homeless person a preacher's wife

^^^They all would. 4036. What do you have a bad feeling about? The future regarding this virus. 4037. Do you have a lot to say? No. 4038. If a smallpox vaccine was offered to you, would you take it? Wasn’t that one of the ones given as a baby or child? I should mention I live in the US. 4039. Would you ever work at a kissing booth? No. how about a dunking booth? No. 4040. There is a woman who paints by stripping naked, rolling around in paint and then pressing her body against the canvas. What do you think of her art? I’ve never seen it, but hey do your thing. 4041. Have you ever bought something you saw on tv? Yeah, I mean that’s what commercials are intended to do. However, I’ve never called the number for a product advertisement to order something that way. Like those as seen on TV products. There have been some of those products sold in actual stores, though, that I’ve got like the Snuggie and that Finishing Touch Flawless Razor. 4042. Name a relative:  that relative dies unexpectedly. On the same day 9/11 happens. You can either bring back your relative or bring back 1/2 the people who dies on 9/11. What do you do? I don’t like these type of questions. 4043. Have you gone mental? I’ve definitely felt like that. 4044. What do you think of jews for jesus? You word this like it’s the name of a group or something. Okay, so I Googled it and see that it’s an organization.  4045. Has anyone ever tried to 'save' you? Yes. 4046. Quick! picture santa clause in your head... ...Okay. Was he black or white when you pictured him? White. That’s just how I’ve often seen him portrayed. 4047. Would you ever buy a black santa clause? Sure. Santa isn’t real, you can make him look any way you want. 4048. or take your kids to vist a black santa clause? Yeah? why or why not? Santa is Santa.  4049. What do you smell like? I just smell my clothes laundry detergent scent. 4050. What kind of soup do you eat? I’m a ramen girl all the way. 4051. What have you heard about the next Harry Potter book? Will you pre-order it? I know this is old, but I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books. 4052. Would you rather go out or stay in? I’m a hermit crab.  4053. What's your favorite song to hear on halloween? I like the classics like Monster Mash. Oh, and the Halloween movie theme music for spooky vibes. 4054. What song makes you feel all tingly like you want to laugh and scream and cry? Uhh I don’t feel that way about any song. 4055. If you were starting a website that was not about you, what Would it be about? Nah. 4056. Do you ever take the long way just for fun? I don’t drive. 4057. '..and god said let there be ____and there I was.' Fill in the blank, as if if you were talking about yourself. ‘...and God said let there be Stephanie and there I was.’ 4058. What do you think of when you hear the word 'mill'? A million.  4059. What do you think of when you hear the name: weird al? Parodies. bob dylan? Music. michael jackson? Moon dance. henry rollins? billy idol? White wedding. gary numan? will smith? Fresh Prince of Bel Air. paul mcartney? Black Bird. alice cooper? Rock and roll. J Lo? Jenny from the Block. 4060. What is one social disater you have had? It was really embarrassing getting sick in front of everyone at my party 7 years ago aka the last time I drank alcohol. I just threw up on myself in front of everyone and sat there and my friend had to help clean me up. What really messes me up is that I don’t remember drinking that much, so I don’t know how I got so drunk. 4061. Can you moonwalk? No. 4062. If a presidential candidate went on late night tv, picked up a guitar and rocked out on it and could really play, would that influence you to like/respect them more? I’d probably be like wow that’s cool, but no I wouldn’t let that influence my vote. Them being able to play an instrument doesn’t say shit about their policies or whether they’d make a good fit for the job. 4064. If it was possible for people to instantly change from one sex to another, would everyone be straight in the end? Uhh just cause they could switch their gender it doesn’t change their brain/sexual preference.  Would you change your sex? No. 4065. Finish the sentance: nobody broke your heart, if you're alone... I don’t know. 4066. Would you rather have a best friend OR a boyfriend/girlfriend on a Friday night? I’d rather stay at home and do my own thing, ha. 4067. Would a woman rather be complimented about her intelligence OR her looks? Depends on the individual.  4068. Do you tend to think of the right thing to say after the moment is gone? Always. Super annoying. 4069. Would you rather a potential mate have nice hair OR nice legs? Nice hair out of the two. 4070. Okay,…. nice hair OR a nice rack/bulge? I don’t look for a “nice bulge” when I look at guys. 4071. What is one thing you thought you would enjoy, but actually didn’t? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. 4072. Be in the spotlight OR in the shadows? In the shadows. 4073. What is your favorite part of the newspaper? I haven’t read a newspaper in several years. When I was a kid I loved the comics, though. 4074. What in your life has been an “acquired taste” for you? Alcohol. I never really cared for it, honestly. I drank because my friends were and felt like that’s what people in their early 20s liked to do. And because it was fun sometimes, though I more often just felt like crap. It’s been 7 years since I last drank and I truly haven’t missed it. 4075. Do you find sunlight makes you happier? No. 4076. If you could conquer one fear, it would be...? I’d take care of some health related things. 4077. What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen someone do or heard anyone has done? There’s been a lot of things. 4078. How do you feel about the fact that J-Lo earns 37 million dollars a year? Is that actually true? This survey is also like a decade or so old. Do you buy anything that contributes to her salary? I haven’t bought any JLO related in several years. Is J Lo the ultimate ideal of what a woman should be? To some people. 4079. What is unforgettable beauty? I don’t know. 4080. Worst fashion mistake EVER: I don’t know or care. 4081. What is your advice to someone on their first date? Ha, I’m definitely not one to ask for dating advice. 4082. Is there a musical performer more ridiculous than Avril Lavigne (I don't think there is)? I didn’t think she was ridiculous.  4083. What is the best: daytime talk show? Dr. Phil. late night talk show? I don’t watch any anymore. 4084. Are you afraid of total freedom? What would that mean? 4085. Do you live in an invisible prison? I feel that way with my mind and health. 4086. Who do you feel distant from, that you used to be close to? I’m not close to anyone anymore outside of my immediate family.  4087. Rate the following song lyrics (1 = you like it the most, 9 = you like it the least). Nah, I really hate the rating questions. Maybe you shouldn't care/throw away those dreams/& dare Eden lets me in/I find the seeds of love/And climb upon the highwire/I kiss and tell all my fears I know the pressure is on/In a race for the life of endless love/If it seems to much/Remember/All these things are endless I see the wind, oh I see the trees/Everything is clear in my heart/I see the clouds, oh I see the sky/Everything is clear in our world Inflatable doll/Lover ungrateful/I blew up your body/But you blew my mind Well I jumped into the river/too many times to make it home/I'm out here on my own/drifting all alone/and if it doesn't show/ give it time/to read between the lines The very thought of you makes/My heart sing/Like an April breeze/On the wings of spring/And you appear in all your splendor/My one and only love now I've had lots of girls/most of them from other worlds/but lookin through the galaxey/the valley girls are the ones for me I'm the dandy highwayman so sick of easy fashion/the clumsy boots, peek-a-boo roots that people think so dashing/so what's the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?/it's kind of tough to tell a scruff the big mistake he's making 4088. Can you name any of the nine bands/songs above? I didn’t even read any of the lyrics. 4089. What would your reaction be if a total stranger called to say s/he loved you and told you that you were to pass the message on to others in a telephone call you make yourself? Uh, I wouldn’t answer a call from a total stranger first of all and even if I actually did, I would be like wtf and hang up.  4090. Would you like to take a journey to jupiter? No. I have no desire to take any trip to outer space. 4091. Can you crack nuts in your bare hands? I’ve never tried, but I’m going to assume that I couldn’t.  4092. Do you take walks at night? No. Or ever. 4093. Beavis and Butthead or daria? Neither. 4094. Cow or chicken? Chicken. 4095. Do you think you will visit China in this life? I don’t see that happening, but who knows.  4096. Are you having a happy day? No. 4097. When was or will be your 'golden birthday' (when your age is the same as your birthdate, like turning 17 on the 17th)? My golden birthday was 3 years ago. 4098. Enlighten everyone with something profound: Nah. 4099. When has the third time been the charm for you? Hmm. 4100. What is kinda sick, but fun? Uhhh.

[ao3feed-mythology]

All Together™

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2YSndqV

by mellloyelllo

die

Words: 10, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Orange is the New Black, Steven Universe (Cartoon), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), Shark Tale (2004), Sharknado (Movies), Jaws (Movies), XXXTentacion (Musician) RPF, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Undertale (Video Game), Deltarune (Video Game), Roblox (Video Game), Family Guy (Cartoon), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, The Cleveland Show, Garfield - All Media Types, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Marvel Cinematic Universe, DC Universe Online, Victorious (TV), iCarly, Minecraft (Video Game), But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Russian Doll (TV 2019), My Singing Monsters, Revolver - The Beatles, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Hetalia: Axis Powers, Fairy Tail, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), M&M's Commercials, Homestuck, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Donkey Kong (Video Games), Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), Santa Clarita Diet (TV), Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, 私がモテないのはどう考えてもお前らが悪い! | Watamote - No Matter How I Look At It It's You Guys' Fault I'm Unpopular!, Free!, American Horror Story, Ирония судьбы | The Irony of Fate (Movies), John Wick (Movies), Fortnite (Video Game), Overwatch (Video Game), Salad Fingers, Wonder Woman (2017), अलीबाबा और चलीस चोर | Alibaba Aur 40 Chor | Adventures of Ali-Baba and the Forty Thieves (1979), Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Political RPF - US 21st c., Maroon 5, Twenty One Pilots, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, Everyman HYBRID, Everybody Else (Band), Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng, Arctic Monkeys, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, Game of Thrones (TV), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans Go!, Regular Show, Clarence (Cartoon), Flaming Carrot Comics, Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain | Amélie (2001), Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë, Jane the Virgin (TV), H2O: Just Add Water, Shrek (Movies), Fish Hooks (TV), Shark Tank (TV 2009), Of Mice & Men (Band), Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck, Slamacow Minecraft Animations (Web Series), The Stanley Parable, Hitler: The Rise of Evil (TV 2003), Fran Bow (Video Game), Hamilton - Miranda, Johnny Test (Cartoon), A Separate Peace - John Knowles, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Office (US), Five Nights at Freddy's, Phineas and Ferb, Moshi Monsters (Video Game), Neopets, K-pop, Poptropica (Video Game), Baby-Sitters Little Sister - Ann M. Martin, Super Planet Dolan (Web Series), Slazo, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), We Bare Bears (TV), Adventure Time, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Mighty Magiswords (Cartoon), Hey Arnold!, Rugrats & All Grown Up! (Cartoons), CatDog (Cartoon), Harvey Beaks (Cartoon), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunter X Hunter, Camp Camp (Web Series), Fairly OddParents, Camila Cabello (Musician), Anne with an E (TV), G.I. Joe - All Media Types, 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Eminem (Musician), Club Penguin, Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, LOVECRAFT H. P. - Works, Captain America (Movies), American Dad!, Country Music RPF, Tiger Cruise (2004), Karate Kid (Movies), Lilo & Stitch (2002), Beauty and the Beast (1991), Aladdin (1992), Pirates of the Caribbean: The Price of Freedom - A. C. Crispin, The Princess and the Frog (2009), The Aristocats (1970), The Muppet Show, The Muppets - All Media Types, Sesame Street (TV), Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series - Jeff Kinney, Dork Diaries Series - Rachel Renee Russell, Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies, Apple "Get a Mac" Commercials, McDonalds "NHL Mini-Sticks" Commercials, Talking Tom and Friends (Cartoon), Nintendogs, Melanie Martinez (Musician), Little Witch Academia, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Cowboy Bebop (Anime), Gravity Falls, Halloween Movies - All Media Types, The Nun (2018), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), How to Get Away with Murder, School of Rock (2003), The Cheetah Girls (Movies), Good Luck Charlie, Ant-Man (Movies), A.N.T. Farm, Codename: Kids Next Door, Powerpuff Girls, Mr. Pickles (Cartoon), Peanuts, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Fallout (Video Games), Weather Girl (2009), Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Burger King "The Burger King" Commercials, My Babysitter's A Vampire, The Amazing World of Gumball, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Minions (2015), Despicable Me (Movies), Because of Winn-Dixie - All Media Types, South Park, Sanjay and Craig (Cartoon), Breadwinners (Cartoon), Robot and Monster, Fanboy & Chum Chum (Cartoon), Monsters vs Aliens (2009), Original Work, Mary Poppins - P. L. Travers, Godspell - Schwartz, Het Achterhuis | The Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank, Ed Edd n Eddy, Eddsworld - All Media Types, Ed Sheeran (Musician), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Furry (Fandom), Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Movie (2014), Lego - All Media Types, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, True Jackson: VP, Pinky and the Brain, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Multi-Fandom, Dance Moms RPF, Life Is Strange (Video Game), Mother 1 | EarthBound Zero | EarthBound Beginnings, Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound, Mother 3, Portal (Video Game), Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical - geekenders, Ariana Grande (Musician), Justin Bieber (Musician), Bebe Rexha (Musician), Taylor Swift (Musician), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Liv and Maddie, Crash Bandicoot (Video Games), Shake It Up! (US TV), G-Force: Guardians of Space, G-Force (2009), Ancient History RPF, Ancient Egyptian Religion, Little House on the Prairie (TV), The Prince of Egypt (1998), Mulan (1998), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996), Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain, Number the Stars - Lois Lowry, The Giver Series - Lois Lowry, Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes, SuperLuv - Shane Dawson (Song), Kirby - All Media Types, Chick-fil-A "Eat Mor Chikin" Commercials, Cow and Chicken (TV), Block B, Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types, Groundhog Day (1993), Christian Bible, Islamic Lore, Jewish Scripture & Legend, The Epic of Gilgamesh, תורה | Torah, Hindu Religions & Lore, Orphan Black (TV), Black Panther (2018), Mad Men, Goosebumps - All Media Types, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pretty Little Liars, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, Scooby Doo - All Media Types, Les Schtroumpfs | The Smurfs, Pillsbury Company "Pillsbury Doughboy" Commercials, Nickelback (Band), Rocko's Modern Life, All That (TV 1994), The Color Purple - Alice Walker

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Oscar (Shark Tale), Brook Soso, Alex Vause, Piper Chapman, Megan Bloomfield, Graham Eaton, Lenny the Chocolate Moose, George Milton, Lennie Small, Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello, Lemony Snicket, Alexandrite (Steven Universe), Dominga "Daddy" Duarte, Artesian McCullough, Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Yellow Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Yellow Zircon (Steven Universe), Jade West, Joel Luschek, Noelle Holiday, Slim (Of Mice and Men), Slime (Minecraft), Creeper (Minecraft), Enderman (Minecraft), Sans (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale), Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire, Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Janae Watson, Sister Jane Ingalls, Sophia Burset, Baz (Sharknado), Robin Hood (Once Upon a Time), Starfire, Cyborg (Character), The Beast (Over the Garden Wall), Stanley (Disney: Beauty and the Beast), John Bennett (Orange is the New Black), John Doe (Roblox), John Wick, Ruby (Steven Universe), Jane Doe, Justin Hammer, Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Peridot (Steven Universe), The Narrator (The Stanley Parable), Shrek (Shrek), Annoying Dog (Undertale), Ben Shapiro, Desert Glass (Steven Universe), GLaDOS, Winnie (Free!), Bird That Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap, Watanabe You, Franny Morello, Thanos (Marvel), Spider (Minecraft), May Parker (Spider-Man), Courage (Courage the Cowardly Dog), Peter Parker, Lois Griffin, Michael Scott, Freddy Fazbear, Nevel Papperman

Relationships: Piper Chapman/Alex Vause, Nicky Nichols/Alex Vause, Parker (Leverage)/Alex Vause, Megan Bloomfield/Graham Eaton, Barry Benson/Oscar (Shark Tale), Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Amethyst (Steven Universe)/Sans (Undertale), Sans (Undertale) & Peridot (Steven Universe), Olivia Caliban/Jacquelyn Scieszka, Blue Diamond/Greg Universe, Sans (Undertale)/Shrek (Shrek), Papyrus (Undertale) & Sonic the Hedgehog, Noelle Holiday/Susie (Deltarune), George Milton & Lennie Small, Artesian McCullough/Maritza Ramos, Alex Vause/Reader, W. D. Gaster/Sans/Reader, Ned (Pushing Daisies)/Harry Potter, Amethyst (Steven Universe)/Harry Potter, Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Garnet/Jasper (Steven Universe), Alice (Alice in Wonderland)/Christopher Robin (Winnie-the-Pooh), Frank Castle/John Wick, Joel Luschek/Nicky Nichols, Alexandrite/Malachite (Steven Universe), Freddie Benson/Carly Shay, Star Butterfly & Steven Universe, Count Olaf/Esmé Squalor, Galina "Red" Reznikov/Gloria Mendoza, Enid (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes)/Pearl (Steven Universe), Enid/Red Action (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes), Carol Denning/Reader, Sans/Sans (Undertale), Chara/Frisk (Undertale), Tony Stark/Thanos, Peter Griffin/Johnny Test, Courage/Katz, Jane Eyre/Edward Rochester, Blue Diamond (Steven Universe)/Eugene Krabs, Gene Forrester/Phineas "Finny", Creeper (Minecraft)/Sans (Undertale), Creeper/Steve (Minecraft), Creeper (Minecraft)/Reader, Gene/Jailbreak/Hi-5 (The Emoji Movie), Jailbreak/Smiler, Lord Boxman/Eugene "Gar" Garcia, George Washington/Martha Washington, Alexander Hamilton/Sonic the Hedgehog, Jim Halpert/Michael Scott, Eievui | Eevee/Pikachu, Kasumi | Misty/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum/Serena, Chica (Five Nights at Freddy's)/Harry Potter, Bonnie/Foxy (Five Nights at Freddy's), Freddy Fazbear/Reader, Freddie Benson/Nevel Papperman, Gibby Gibson/Nevel Papperman, Lorna Morello/Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello/Vince Muccio, Liane Cartman/Quahog Residents (Family Guy), Lois Griffin/Glenn Quagmire, Glenn Quagmire/Joe Swanson, Benny (In the Heights)/Alexander Hamilton

Additional Tags: Futanari, Mouth Sewn Shut, Everyone Is Gay, Kissing, Necrophilia, Murder, BDSM, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Must Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Discussion of Abortion, Abortion, Glasses, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Fuckin' Fluffy Mondays, Everybody Dies, Holocaust, I did this instead of studying for my finals, harambe trump, Cereal, Vore, Cock & Ball Torture, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Furry, Irony, Epic, Bromance, Blue Eyes, Green Eyes, Brownies, Mind Control, Dogs

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2YSndqV

[madmen-ao3feed]

All Together™

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2YSndqV

by mellloyelllo

die

Words: 10, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Orange is the New Black, Steven Universe (Cartoon), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), Shark Tale (2004), Sharknado (Movies), Jaws (Movies), XXXTentacion (Musician) RPF, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Undertale (Video Game), Deltarune (Video Game), Roblox (Video Game), Family Guy (Cartoon), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, The Cleveland Show, Garfield - All Media Types, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Marvel Cinematic Universe, DC Universe Online, Victorious (TV), iCarly, Minecraft (Video Game), But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Russian Doll (TV 2019), My Singing Monsters, Revolver - The Beatles, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Hetalia: Axis Powers, Fairy Tail, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), M&M's Commercials, Homestuck, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Donkey Kong (Video Games), Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), Santa Clarita Diet (TV), Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, 私がモテないのはどう考えてもお前らが悪い! | Watamote - No Matter How I Look At It It's You Guys' Fault I'm Unpopular!, Free!, American Horror Story, Ирония судьбы | The Irony of Fate (Movies), John Wick (Movies), Fortnite (Video Game), Overwatch (Video Game), Salad Fingers, Wonder Woman (2017), अलीबाबा और चलीस चोर | Alibaba Aur 40 Chor | Adventures of Ali-Baba and the Forty Thieves (1979), Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Political RPF - US 21st c., Maroon 5, Twenty One Pilots, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, Everyman HYBRID, Everybody Else (Band), Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng, Arctic Monkeys, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, Game of Thrones (TV), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans Go!, Regular Show, Clarence (Cartoon), Flaming Carrot Comics, Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain | Amélie (2001), Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë, Jane the Virgin (TV), H2O: Just Add Water, Shrek (Movies), Fish Hooks (TV), Shark Tank (TV 2009), Of Mice & Men (Band), Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck, Slamacow Minecraft Animations (Web Series), The Stanley Parable, Hitler: The Rise of Evil (TV 2003), Fran Bow (Video Game), Hamilton - Miranda, Johnny Test (Cartoon), A Separate Peace - John Knowles, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Office (US), Five Nights at Freddy's, Phineas and Ferb, Moshi Monsters (Video Game), Neopets, K-pop, Poptropica (Video Game), Baby-Sitters Little Sister - Ann M. Martin, Super Planet Dolan (Web Series), Slazo, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), We Bare Bears (TV), Adventure Time, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Mighty Magiswords (Cartoon), Hey Arnold!, Rugrats & All Grown Up! (Cartoons), CatDog (Cartoon), Harvey Beaks (Cartoon), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunter X Hunter, Camp Camp (Web Series), Fairly OddParents, Camila Cabello (Musician), Anne with an E (TV), G.I. Joe - All Media Types, 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Eminem (Musician), Club Penguin, Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, LOVECRAFT H. P. - Works, Captain America (Movies), American Dad!, Country Music RPF, Tiger Cruise (2004), Karate Kid (Movies), Lilo & Stitch (2002), Beauty and the Beast (1991), Aladdin (1992), Pirates of the Caribbean: The Price of Freedom - A. C. Crispin, The Princess and the Frog (2009), The Aristocats (1970), The Muppet Show, The Muppets - All Media Types, Sesame Street (TV), Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series - Jeff Kinney, Dork Diaries Series - Rachel Renee Russell, Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies, Apple "Get a Mac" Commercials, McDonalds "NHL Mini-Sticks" Commercials, Talking Tom and Friends (Cartoon), Nintendogs, Melanie Martinez (Musician), Little Witch Academia, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Cowboy Bebop (Anime), Gravity Falls, Halloween Movies - All Media Types, The Nun (2018), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), How to Get Away with Murder, School of Rock (2003), The Cheetah Girls (Movies), Good Luck Charlie, Ant-Man (Movies), A.N.T. Farm, Codename: Kids Next Door, Powerpuff Girls, Mr. Pickles (Cartoon), Peanuts, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Fallout (Video Games), Weather Girl (2009), Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Burger King "The Burger King" Commercials, My Babysitter's A Vampire, The Amazing World of Gumball, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Minions (2015), Despicable Me (Movies), Because of Winn-Dixie - All Media Types, South Park, Sanjay and Craig (Cartoon), Breadwinners (Cartoon), Robot and Monster, Fanboy & Chum Chum (Cartoon), Monsters vs Aliens (2009), Original Work, Mary Poppins - P. L. Travers, Godspell - Schwartz, Het Achterhuis | The Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank, Ed Edd n Eddy, Eddsworld - All Media Types, Ed Sheeran (Musician), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Furry (Fandom), Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Movie (2014), Lego - All Media Types, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, True Jackson: VP, Pinky and the Brain, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Multi-Fandom, Dance Moms RPF, Life Is Strange (Video Game), Mother 1 | EarthBound Zero | EarthBound Beginnings, Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound, Mother 3, Portal (Video Game), Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical - geekenders, Ariana Grande (Musician), Justin Bieber (Musician), Bebe Rexha (Musician), Taylor Swift (Musician), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Liv and Maddie, Crash Bandicoot (Video Games), Shake It Up! (US TV), G-Force: Guardians of Space, G-Force (2009), Ancient History RPF, Ancient Egyptian Religion, Little House on the Prairie (TV), The Prince of Egypt (1998), Mulan (1998), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996), Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain, Number the Stars - Lois Lowry, The Giver Series - Lois Lowry, Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes, SuperLuv - Shane Dawson (Song), Kirby - All Media Types, Chick-fil-A "Eat Mor Chikin" Commercials, Cow and Chicken (TV), Block B, Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types, Groundhog Day (1993), Christian Bible, Islamic Lore, Jewish Scripture & Legend, The Epic of Gilgamesh, תורה | Torah, Hindu Religions & Lore, Orphan Black (TV), Black Panther (2018), Mad Men, Goosebumps - All Media Types, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pretty Little Liars, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, Scooby Doo - All Media Types, Les Schtroumpfs | The Smurfs, Pillsbury Company "Pillsbury Doughboy" Commercials, Nickelback (Band), Rocko's Modern Life, All That (TV 1994), The Color Purple - Alice Walker, Doraemon (Manga), Go Diego Go!, MS Paint Adventures, Homestar Runner, Inanimate Insanity (Web Series), Battle For Dream Island (Web Series), Digimon - All Media Types, Caillou (Cartoon), Berenstain Bears Series - Stan & Jan & Mike Berenstain

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Oscar (Shark Tale), Brook Soso, Alex Vause, Piper Chapman, Megan Bloomfield, Graham Eaton, Lenny the Chocolate Moose, George Milton, Lennie Small, Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello, Lemony Snicket, Alexandrite (Steven Universe), Dominga "Daddy" Duarte, Artesian McCullough, Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Yellow Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Yellow Zircon (Steven Universe), Jade West, Joel Luschek, Noelle Holiday, Slim (Of Mice and Men), Slime (Minecraft), Creeper (Minecraft), Enderman (Minecraft), Sans (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale), Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire, Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Janae Watson, Sister Jane Ingalls, Sophia Burset, Baz (Sharknado), Robin Hood (Once Upon a Time), Starfire, Cyborg (Character), The Beast (Over the Garden Wall), Stanley (Disney: Beauty and the Beast), John Bennett (Orange is the New Black), John Doe (Roblox), John Wick, Ruby (Steven Universe), Jane Doe, Justin Hammer, Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Peridot (Steven Universe), The Narrator (The Stanley Parable), Shrek (Shrek), Annoying Dog (Undertale), Ben Shapiro, Desert Glass (Steven Universe), GLaDOS, Winnie (Free!), Bird That Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap, Watanabe You, Franny Morello, Thanos (Marvel), Spider (Minecraft), May Parker (Spider-Man), Courage (Courage the Cowardly Dog), Peter Parker, Lois Griffin, Michael Scott, Freddy Fazbear, Nevel Papperman

Relationships: Piper Chapman/Alex Vause, Nicky Nichols/Alex Vause, Parker (Leverage)/Alex Vause, Megan Bloomfield/Graham Eaton, Barry Benson/Oscar (Shark Tale), Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Amethyst (Steven Universe)/Sans (Undertale), Sans (Undertale) & Peridot (Steven Universe), Olivia Caliban/Jacquelyn Scieszka, Blue Diamond/Greg Universe, Sans (Undertale)/Shrek (Shrek), Papyrus (Undertale) & Sonic the Hedgehog, Noelle Holiday/Susie (Deltarune), George Milton & Lennie Small, Artesian McCullough/Maritza Ramos, Alex Vause/Reader, W. D. Gaster/Sans/Reader, Ned (Pushing Daisies)/Harry Potter, Amethyst (Steven Universe)/Harry Potter, Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Garnet/Jasper (Steven Universe), Alice (Alice in Wonderland)/Christopher Robin (Winnie-the-Pooh), Frank Castle/John Wick, Joel Luschek/Nicky Nichols, Alexandrite/Malachite (Steven Universe), Freddie Benson/Carly Shay, Star Butterfly & Steven Universe, Count Olaf/Esmé Squalor, Galina "Red" Reznikov/Gloria Mendoza, Enid (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes)/Pearl (Steven Universe), Enid/Red Action (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes), Carol Denning/Reader, Sans/Sans (Undertale), Chara/Frisk (Undertale), Tony Stark/Thanos, Peter Griffin/Johnny Test, Courage/Katz, Jane Eyre/Edward Rochester, Blue Diamond (Steven Universe)/Eugene Krabs, Gene Forrester/Phineas "Finny", Creeper (Minecraft)/Sans (Undertale), Creeper/Steve (Minecraft), Creeper (Minecraft)/Reader, Gene/Jailbreak/Hi-5 (The Emoji Movie), Jailbreak/Smiler, Lord Boxman/Eugene "Gar" Garcia, George Washington/Martha Washington, Alexander Hamilton/Sonic the Hedgehog, Jim Halpert/Michael Scott, Eievui | Eevee/Pikachu, Kasumi | Misty/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum/Serena, Chica (Five Nights at Freddy's)/Harry Potter, Bonnie/Foxy (Five Nights at Freddy's), Freddy Fazbear/Reader, Freddie Benson/Nevel Papperman, Gibby Gibson/Nevel Papperman, Lorna Morello/Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello/Vince Muccio, Liane Cartman/Quahog Residents (Family Guy), Lois Griffin/Glenn Quagmire, Glenn Quagmire/Joe Swanson, Benny (In the Heights)/Alexander Hamilton

Additional Tags: Futanari, Mouth Sewn Shut, Everyone Is Gay, Kissing, Necrophilia, Murder, BDSM, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Must Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Discussion of Abortion, Abortion, Glasses, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Fuckin' Fluffy Mondays, Everybody Dies, Holocaust, I did this instead of studying for my finals, harambe trump, Cereal, Vore, Cock & Ball Torture, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Furry, Irony, Epic, Bromance, Blue Eyes, Green Eyes, Brownies, Mind Control, Dogs

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2YSndqV

[themuppetmasterencyclopedia]

Telly Monster

PERFORMERS Martin P. Robinson 1984-present

Brian Muehl 1979-1984

DEBUT 1979

Telly Monster is a slightly neurotic young monster who lives at 1304 Sesame Street.

Telly was initially conceived as a monster obsessed with watching television; his name is short for Television Monster. In his early appearances on Sesame Street, Telly had antennas coming out of the top of his head, and his eyes would whirl around when he watched TV. A segment of his first appearance appears on the 40 Years of Sunny Days DVD set. This one-note personality, along with the antennas and whirling eyes, was soon dropped, and Telly became the worrying, easily frustrated character he remains today (however, in the Talk, Listen, Connect episode Deployments, he is still shown to be an expert on TV and computers).

Telly was originally performed by Bob Payne for his first few appearances in 1979, then by Brian Muehl who used a low, gruff-sounding voice. Muehl also developed Telly's worrywart personality, making Telly a character who always needed reassurance in order to be confident. When Martin P. Robinson took over in 1984, he originally began with the personality Muehl already established for the character, using a voice similar to Muehl’s Telly voice. However, Telly evolved over time, gaining a much stronger emotional range. “His main thing now is that he believes totally in whatever he’s into,” says Robinson “And he can turn on a dime and that doesn’t belie what he was feeling before. He can go from great joy to great sorrow and it’s all totally genuine.”

Early on, Telly was often paired with Oscar the Grouch, whom he tries to befriend against tremendous odds. The two were traveling companions in Follow That Bird, and Telly is a member of Oscar's fan club, the Grouchketeers. The two starred in two recurring sketches together: "Ask Oscar," which Telly introduced; and "Sneak Peek Previews." Their most recent pairing together was in a sketch demonstrating words that begin with the letter B. (First: Episode 4248)

In recent years, Telly has often been seen in the company of his good friend Baby Bear. Telly has a great love of triangles, and owns a pet hamster named Chuckie Sue. Telly has a favorite toy doll which he named "Freddy." When Telly was a baby monster, his favorite toy was a stuffed animal horse which he named "Clark" before he got "Freddy". In the video Bedtime Stories & Songs, when Telly comes to Big Bird's nest for a sleepover, he brings a menagerie of different stuffed animals that almost overflow the entire nest. He also plays the bassoon, the tuba and, of course, the triangle. He also occasionally appears as a Monster on the Spot reporter. He also often jumps on a pogo stick, after Mr. Handford taught him how to in a 1993 episode.

Modern versions of the Telly puppet have movable eyelids to let his eyes widen, a handy technique when the monster is in panic mode. There are also two Telly puppets that have been interchangeably used throughout the show. The more frequently used version is a "sack puppet", similar in design to Cookie Monster or Rowlf the Dog, where the arm sleeves are directly attached to the base of the puppet. The second version is a full-body version of the character, with legs and feet attached. The puppet's arms are stuffed, with visible arm sleeves similar in design to the arms of Ernie or Fozzie Bear.

For Sesame Street's 40th season, Sesame Workshop featured a digital promotion called "Muppetbook", which featured profiles similar to those seen on Facebook. The profile listed squares, circles, and Woody Allen movies (too much anxiety) as Telly's pet peeves. Among his favorite songs are "I Whistle a Happy Tune," "Don't Worry, Be Happy," and "Don't Cry Out Loud."

FILMOGRAPHY

Sesame Street

Big Bird in China

Don't Eat the Pictures

The Muppets Take Manhattan

Follow That Bird

The Muppets: A Celebration of 30 Years

Learning About Letters

Sleepytime Songs and Stories

Sesame Street, Special

Sesame Street: 20 and Still Counting

The Muppets Celebrate Jim Henson

Big Bird's Birthday or Let Me Eat Cake

Sesame Street Jam: A Musical Celebration

Sesame Street's All-Star 25th Birthday: Stars and Streets Forever

Sesame Street Stays Up Late

We All Sing Together

The Great Numbers Game

Sesame Street 4-D Movie Magic

Elmopalooza

Elmo's Musical Adventure: Peter and the Wolf

The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland

CinderElmo

The Street We Live On

Let's Make Music

↑ hide

BOOK APPEARANCES

The Sesame Street Circus of Opposites (1981)

City (1982)

More Who's Who on Sesame Street (1982)

Bert's Big Band Paint-with-Water Book (1983 reprint)

People in Your Neighborhood (1983)

A Baby Sister for Herry (1984)

Lovable, Furry Old Grover in Please Don't Push the Red Button (1984)

A Silly Sesame Street Story: The Three Little Pigs (1984)

Big Bird's Book of Rhymes (1985)

Big Bird Joins the Carnival (1985)

Ernie's Finish the Picture (1985)

Follow That Bird Activity Book (1985)

Follow That Bird coloring book (1985)

Sign Language ABC (1985)

A Bird's Best Friend (1986)

Find the Shapes (1986)

Through the Year (1986)

The Runaway Soup and Other Stories (1987)

Colors (1987)

Shape Up! (1987)

Big Bird's Square Meal (1988)

Going Places (1988)

A New Playground on Sesame Street (1988)

Oh, I Am So Embarrassed! (1988)

The Sesame Street ABC Book of Words (1988}

Come As You Are (1989)

The New Who's Who on Sesame Street (1989)

Museum of Monster Art (1990)

How to Get to Sesame Street (1991)

Sesame Street 123 (1991)

We're Counting on You, Grover! (1991)

What Do You Do? (1992 edition)

Grover's 10 Terrific Ways to Help Our Wonderful World (1992)

Happy and Sad, Grouchy and Glad (1992)

We're Different, We're the Same (1992)

Elmo's Mother Goose (1993)

From Trash to Treasure (1993)

Around the Corner on Sesame Street (1994)

Bright and Early with Elmo (1994)

Elmo's Big Lift-and-Look Book (1994)

Sesame Street Stays Up Late (1995)

B is for Books! (1996)

Elmo's Lift-and-Peek Around the Corner Book (1996)

Rise and Shine! (1996; reworked as Up, Up, Up! in 2011)

Elmo's Christmas Colors (1997)

Pumpkin Patch Party (1997)

The Sesame Street Word Book (1998)

Elmo's ABC Book (2000)

Watch Out for Banana Peels (2000)

Elmo and the Monsters (2001)

Clap Your Hands! (2002)

[ramajmedia]

10 Of The Most Iconic Jim Henson Creatures (That Aren't Muppets), Ranked

Most of us are familiar with the genius of Jim Henson, whether from The Muppets, Sesame Street, or any number of his films. The famous puppeteer and creator certainly had a gift for creating memorable and visually stunning characters. So much so, in fact, that an entire workshop was created dedicated to the production of some of these famous creatures.

RELATED:

Classic shows like The Storyteller and Fraggle Rock (and movies like Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal) owe everything to this visionary. Some of their most wonderful creations were all conceived in Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Today, we're having a creature feature as we spend some time with ten of the Jim Henson Company's greatest creature creations. Oh, and don't worry: as you can see, we haven't forgotten the Muppets; they've been ranked separately!

10 Bear in the Big Blue House

We'll start our list with a howdy from the big bear himself, Bear from Bear in the Big Blue House. One of the largest creatures created by Henson's company (along with characters like Sweetums), Bear was the warm and inviting star of his own show. It aired on the Disney Channel in the 90s.

In the mornings, Bear would welcome viewers into the titular Big Blue House for a day with all his friends, such as Treelo, Ocho, Pip and Pop Otter, Shadow, and Luna the Moon. Bear was as big and warm as his personality, and he always made his viewers feel welcome. What better way to start out our list?

9 Rankle, Rose, and Edgar

What do a reanimated cat mummy, a zombie raccoon, and a werewolf with a sweet tooth have in common? They are all friends of the quirky and charming Christine McConnell. These three are certainly some of the more adult characters the company has created, but at the same time, they are as charming as any Muppet or other creation.

RELATED: Sesame Street: 10 Best Celebrity Guest Stars Of The Last 50 Years, Ranked

Brought to us by Henson Alternative, Rankle, Rose, and Edgar are easily the highlights of the show. Rankle is snarky, sarcastic, and mildly sinister, Rose is bawdy and loud, and Edgar is a teddy bear with a horror-movie-quality exterior. What's not to love?

8 The Sinclair Family

Created in memory of the famous Muppet-maker, Dinosaurs was a sitcom that centered around the prehistoric happenings of the Sinclair family. For four seasons, viewers tuned in to the lives of Earl, Fran, Robbie, Charlene, and their hatchling, Baby Sinclair. The show was a weird but wonderful combination of creatures and comedy that had quite the following.

Despite its use of creatures, the sitcom jumped through all the genre hoops in the way of Family Matters, Full House, and Boy Meets World. It had the family-centric narrative, but also tackled some interesting issues, including a controversial season finale. It was a strange show, but certainly one we can appreciate.

7 Gelflings (2019 Version)

The Dark Crystal is arguably one of Jim Henson's greatest creations; essentially his Lord of the Rings. As much as we wanted to include Jen and Kira from the original film, the prize has to go to the newer Gelflings featured in the new Netflix series.

The Gelflings, as their name might allude, are elf-like creatures from the land of Thra. In Age of Resistance, there are even tribes of them somewhat akin to the elves of Tolkien. Rian, Brea, and Deet are three of the new Gelflings, and they could not look better. They have better puppet models, a more high-fantasy design, and their different personae are absolutely enchanting. Color us impressed.

6 Skeksis

On the other end of the Dark Crystal spectrum, we have the sinister and insidious Skeksis. This breed of nightmare fuel is quite possibly the most horrifying thing Henson ever dreamed up. With their beaks, claws, teeth, and aristocratic sense of style, there's definitely something outright evil about their persona.

From the snarling Emporer Skeksi to the creepily charming Chamberlain, the Skeksis have ruled Thra with an iron claw, bewitching and deceiving their world to their whims. They are truly as hideous on the outside as they are within, but we still love watching them. They're easily one of our favorite monsters.

5 Creatures of the Labyrinth

Though we have a soft spot for Sir Didymus, we couldn't pick just one creature for this spot. For those who haven't seen this marvelously magical film, Labyrinth is Jim Henson's collaboration with the legendary David Bowie, which resulted in one of the most iconic fantasy films of the 80s.

RELATED: 10 Things You Didn't Know About Labyrinth

Jareth, Hoggle, Ludo, and all the legions of monsters that inhabit this mystical magical world were just too many to count. Worthy of a list all their own, the creatures from the titular labyrinth could rival those of Dark Crystal fame, but we'd be lying if we said Bowie didn't give them an unfair advantage.

4 The Fraggles

Dance your cares away and let the music play, down in Fraggle Rock with these colorful creatures. The Fraggles are small, carefree critters who, along with the workaholic Doozers, live their lives and go on adventures in the caves of Fraggle Rock.

RELATED: 10 Most Underrated Jim Henson Creations

Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, and Red are just the starring cast of Fraggle Rock, but there are legions more of the fuzzy creatures living beneath the home of Doc and his dog, Sprocket. These lovable creatures are some of Jim Henson's most memorable characters, and we can see why. Much more than Muppets, the Fraggles delighted kids for five seasons and 96 episodes.

3 Aughra

Frank Oz couldn't have put it better any other way: she's so ugly she's beautiful. Yes, we've mentioned the rest of the Dark Crystal characters already, but we can't leave out Aughra. Aughra is one of the most powerful beings in the realm of Thra, as well as one of the most uniquely-designed creatures the Creature Shop has ever created.

Born from the rocks before even the race of Gelflings, Aughra is the only one of her kind. She's a mystic, a wizard, and a cosmic being all rolled into one. As one of the most strange and mystifying creatures on our list, you can bet we applauded her return in Age of Resistance. 

2 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Bringing Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michaelangelo to the big screen outside of animation was no easy feat. Enter Jim Henson's Creature Shop to bring them to life. Using a mix of puppetry and full-body effects, the turtles sprang from the sewers and onto the big screen for the very first time.

Though the characters themselves were not created by Henson or his crew, the technology to bring them to life was. This led to the creation of the Henson Performance Control System, which revolutionized puppeteering and practical effects. If it wasn't for this film, who knows where the creature shop would be.

1 Big Bird

Arguably the most famous resident of Sesame Street, Big Bird has entertained legions of children and even adults since he first appeared in 1969. The large yellow avian has represented every curious child to ever tune in to the popular PBS program, teaching them the value of imagination and an appetite for learning.

From his bright, yellow, fluffy exterior to his enormous heart, Big Bird has delighted millions of viewers the world over. Though not a product of the Creature Shop, without Big Bird there might not even be a Sesame Street. Adorable, curious, and even a trendsetter, how could we not give the big guy our number one spot?

NEXT: Sesame Street: 10 Hilarious (And Adorable) Bert And Ernie Memes

source https://screenrant.com/jim-henson-most-iconic-creatures-besides-muppets/

[ao3feed-orphanblack]

All Together™

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2YSndqV

by mellloyelllo

die

Words: 10, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Orange is the New Black, Steven Universe (Cartoon), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), Shark Tale (2004), Sharknado (Movies), Jaws (Movies), XXXTentacion (Musician) RPF, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Undertale (Video Game), Deltarune (Video Game), Roblox (Video Game), Family Guy (Cartoon), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, The Cleveland Show, Garfield - All Media Types, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Marvel Cinematic Universe, DC Universe Online, Victorious (TV), iCarly, Minecraft (Video Game), But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Russian Doll (TV 2019), My Singing Monsters, Revolver - The Beatles, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Hetalia: Axis Powers, Fairy Tail, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), M&M's Commercials, Homestuck, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Donkey Kong (Video Games), Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), Santa Clarita Diet (TV), Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, 私がモテないのはどう考えてもお前らが悪い! | Watamote - No Matter How I Look At It It's You Guys' Fault I'm Unpopular!, Free!, American Horror Story, Ирония судьбы | The Irony of Fate (Movies), John Wick (Movies), Fortnite (Video Game), Overwatch (Video Game), Salad Fingers, Wonder Woman (2017), अलीबाबा और चलीस चोर | Alibaba Aur 40 Chor | Adventures of Ali-Baba and the Forty Thieves (1979), Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Political RPF - US 21st c., Maroon 5, Twenty One Pilots, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, Everyman HYBRID, Everybody Else (Band), Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng, Arctic Monkeys, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, Game of Thrones (TV), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans Go!, Regular Show, Clarence (Cartoon), Flaming Carrot Comics, Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain | Amélie (2001), Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë, Jane the Virgin (TV), H2O: Just Add Water, Shrek (Movies), Fish Hooks (TV), Shark Tank (TV 2009), Of Mice & Men (Band), Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck, Slamacow Minecraft Animations (Web Series), The Stanley Parable, Hitler: The Rise of Evil (TV 2003), Fran Bow (Video Game), Hamilton - Miranda, Johnny Test (Cartoon), A Separate Peace - John Knowles, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Office (US), Five Nights at Freddy's, Phineas and Ferb, Moshi Monsters (Video Game), Neopets, K-pop, Poptropica (Video Game), Baby-Sitters Little Sister - Ann M. Martin, Super Planet Dolan (Web Series), Slazo, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), We Bare Bears (TV), Adventure Time, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Mighty Magiswords (Cartoon), Hey Arnold!, Rugrats & All Grown Up! (Cartoons), CatDog (Cartoon), Harvey Beaks (Cartoon), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunter X Hunter, Camp Camp (Web Series), Fairly OddParents, Camila Cabello (Musician), Anne with an E (TV), G.I. Joe - All Media Types, 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Eminem (Musician), Club Penguin, Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, LOVECRAFT H. P. - Works, Captain America (Movies), American Dad!, Country Music RPF, Tiger Cruise (2004), Karate Kid (Movies), Lilo & Stitch (2002), Beauty and the Beast (1991), Aladdin (1992), Pirates of the Caribbean: The Price of Freedom - A. C. Crispin, The Princess and the Frog (2009), The Aristocats (1970), The Muppet Show, The Muppets - All Media Types, Sesame Street (TV), Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series - Jeff Kinney, Dork Diaries Series - Rachel Renee Russell, Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies, Apple "Get a Mac" Commercials, McDonalds "NHL Mini-Sticks" Commercials, Talking Tom and Friends (Cartoon), Nintendogs, Melanie Martinez (Musician), Little Witch Academia, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Cowboy Bebop (Anime), Gravity Falls, Halloween Movies - All Media Types, The Nun (2018), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), How to Get Away with Murder, School of Rock (2003), The Cheetah Girls (Movies), Good Luck Charlie, Ant-Man (Movies), A.N.T. Farm, Codename: Kids Next Door, Powerpuff Girls, Mr. Pickles (Cartoon), Peanuts, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Fallout (Video Games), Weather Girl (2009), Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Burger King "The Burger King" Commercials, My Babysitter's A Vampire, The Amazing World of Gumball, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Minions (2015), Despicable Me (Movies), Because of Winn-Dixie - All Media Types, South Park, Sanjay and Craig (Cartoon), Breadwinners (Cartoon), Robot and Monster, Fanboy & Chum Chum (Cartoon), Monsters vs Aliens (2009), Original Work, Mary Poppins - P. L. Travers, Godspell - Schwartz, Het Achterhuis | The Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank, Ed Edd n Eddy, Eddsworld - All Media Types, Ed Sheeran (Musician), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Furry (Fandom), Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Movie (2014), Lego - All Media Types, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, True Jackson: VP, Pinky and the Brain, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Multi-Fandom, Dance Moms RPF, Life Is Strange (Video Game), Mother 1 | EarthBound Zero | EarthBound Beginnings, Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound, Mother 3, Portal (Video Game), Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical - geekenders, Ariana Grande (Musician), Justin Bieber (Musician), Bebe Rexha (Musician), Taylor Swift (Musician), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Liv and Maddie, Crash Bandicoot (Video Games), Shake It Up! (US TV), G-Force: Guardians of Space, G-Force (2009), Ancient History RPF, Ancient Egyptian Religion, Little House on the Prairie (TV), The Prince of Egypt (1998), Mulan (1998), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996), Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain, Number the Stars - Lois Lowry, The Giver Series - Lois Lowry, Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes, SuperLuv - Shane Dawson (Song), Kirby - All Media Types, Chick-fil-A "Eat Mor Chikin" Commercials, Cow and Chicken (TV), Block B, Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types, Groundhog Day (1993), Christian Bible, Islamic Lore, Jewish Scripture & Legend, The Epic of Gilgamesh, תורה | Torah, Hindu Religions & Lore, Orphan Black (TV), Black Panther (2018), Mad Men, Goosebumps - All Media Types, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pretty Little Liars, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, Scooby Doo - All Media Types, Les Schtroumpfs | The Smurfs, Pillsbury Company "Pillsbury Doughboy" Commercials, Nickelback (Band), Rocko's Modern Life, All That (TV 1994), The Color Purple - Alice Walker, Doraemon (Manga), Go Diego Go!, MS Paint Adventures, Homestar Runner, Inanimate Insanity (Web Series), Battle For Dream Island (Web Series), Digimon - All Media Types, Caillou (Cartoon), Berenstain Bears Series - Stan & Jan & Mike Berenstain

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Oscar (Shark Tale), Brook Soso, Alex Vause, Piper Chapman, Megan Bloomfield, Graham Eaton, Lenny the Chocolate Moose, George Milton, Lennie Small, Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello, Lemony Snicket, Alexandrite (Steven Universe), Dominga "Daddy" Duarte, Artesian McCullough, Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Yellow Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Yellow Zircon (Steven Universe), Jade West, Joel Luschek, Noelle Holiday, Slim (Of Mice and Men), Slime (Minecraft), Creeper (Minecraft), Enderman (Minecraft), Sans (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale), Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire, Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Janae Watson, Sister Jane Ingalls, Sophia Burset, Baz (Sharknado), Robin Hood (Once Upon a Time), Starfire, Cyborg (Character), The Beast (Over the Garden Wall), Stanley (Disney: Beauty and the Beast), John Bennett (Orange is the New Black), John Doe (Roblox), John Wick, Ruby (Steven Universe), Jane Doe, Justin Hammer, Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Peridot (Steven Universe), The Narrator (The Stanley Parable), Shrek (Shrek), Annoying Dog (Undertale), Ben Shapiro, Desert Glass (Steven Universe), GLaDOS, Winnie (Free!), Bird That Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap, Watanabe You, Franny Morello, Thanos (Marvel), Spider (Minecraft), May Parker (Spider-Man), Courage (Courage the Cowardly Dog), Peter Parker, Lois Griffin, Michael Scott, Freddy Fazbear, Nevel Papperman

Relationships: Piper Chapman/Alex Vause, Nicky Nichols/Alex Vause, Parker (Leverage)/Alex Vause, Megan Bloomfield/Graham Eaton, Barry Benson/Oscar (Shark Tale), Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Amethyst (Steven Universe)/Sans (Undertale), Sans (Undertale) & Peridot (Steven Universe), Olivia Caliban/Jacquelyn Scieszka, Blue Diamond/Greg Universe, Sans (Undertale)/Shrek (Shrek), Papyrus (Undertale) & Sonic the Hedgehog, Noelle Holiday/Susie (Deltarune), George Milton & Lennie Small, Artesian McCullough/Maritza Ramos, Alex Vause/Reader, W. D. Gaster/Sans/Reader, Ned (Pushing Daisies)/Harry Potter, Amethyst (Steven Universe)/Harry Potter, Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Garnet/Jasper (Steven Universe), Alice (Alice in Wonderland)/Christopher Robin (Winnie-the-Pooh), Frank Castle/John Wick, Joel Luschek/Nicky Nichols, Alexandrite/Malachite (Steven Universe), Freddie Benson/Carly Shay, Star Butterfly & Steven Universe, Count Olaf/Esmé Squalor, Galina "Red" Reznikov/Gloria Mendoza, Enid (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes)/Pearl (Steven Universe), Enid/Red Action (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes), Carol Denning/Reader, Sans/Sans (Undertale), Chara/Frisk (Undertale), Tony Stark/Thanos, Peter Griffin/Johnny Test, Courage/Katz, Jane Eyre/Edward Rochester, Blue Diamond (Steven Universe)/Eugene Krabs, Gene Forrester/Phineas "Finny", Creeper (Minecraft)/Sans (Undertale), Creeper/Steve (Minecraft), Creeper (Minecraft)/Reader, Gene/Jailbreak/Hi-5 (The Emoji Movie), Jailbreak/Smiler, Lord Boxman/Eugene "Gar" Garcia, George Washington/Martha Washington, Alexander Hamilton/Sonic the Hedgehog, Jim Halpert/Michael Scott, Eievui | Eevee/Pikachu, Kasumi | Misty/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum/Serena, Chica (Five Nights at Freddy's)/Harry Potter, Bonnie/Foxy (Five Nights at Freddy's), Freddy Fazbear/Reader, Freddie Benson/Nevel Papperman, Gibby Gibson/Nevel Papperman, Lorna Morello/Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello/Vince Muccio, Liane Cartman/Quahog Residents (Family Guy), Lois Griffin/Glenn Quagmire, Glenn Quagmire/Joe Swanson, Benny (In the Heights)/Alexander Hamilton

Additional Tags: Futanari, Mouth Sewn Shut, Everyone Is Gay, Kissing, Necrophilia, Murder, BDSM, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Must Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Discussion of Abortion, Abortion, Glasses, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Fuckin' Fluffy Mondays, Everybody Dies, Holocaust, I did this instead of studying for my finals, harambe trump, Cereal, Vore, Cock & Ball Torture, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Furry, Irony, Epic, Bromance, Blue Eyes, Green Eyes, Brownies, Mind Control, Dogs

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2YSndqV

[karazor--el]

Interview Exclusive: Andrea Brooks on Working on Shows With Passionate Fandoms, Eve’s Development, and Favorite Things!

The CW’s Supergirl is mid-way through its fourth season and we had the pleasure of hopping on the phone with Andrea Brooks, who plays Eve Teschmacher on the series, to discuss what got her into acting; Eve’s progression throughout the series; as well as some of her favorite things!

FANDOMOPOLIS: So, how did you first get into acting? What inspired you to become an actress?

ANDREA BROOKS: I kind of fell into acting; I’ve been doing it for at least half of my life now, professionally. I was actually a competitive figure skater growing up and I attended an open casting call audition for figure skaters for a Disney movie. I ended up auditioning for a small role and they liked me. I went through a bunch of rounds of casting and wound up reading for the lead role – I didn’t get it, but by the end of that whole process I had an agent and a casting director who liked me. So, I really did fall into it through figure skating.

Did you know before then that you wanted to be an actress?

ANDREA BROOKS: Acting always appealed to me; before that I was in a theatre troupe. I still remember sitting around when I was four years old, watching Sesame Street and thinking, “oh, I want to be that kid talking to Cookie Monster!” It was always in the back of my head. I grew up fascinated by movies, and I used to cry when movies ended and the credits would roll.

How is it playing two completely different characters: one in a world with superheroes and aliens, and another in a coal mining town?

ANDREA BROOKS: It’s interesting and I feel very fortunate! I’ve been able to straddle this line for quite a number of years and play both roles, which I realize – a lot of people don’t have that opportunity. It’s fun to work on a show where you deal with a lot of dark scenarios, dealing with crazy political things; whereas, When Calls the Heart is a more positive show and about community, less fast-paced. When you’re playing two characters on the same day, there’s a lot of refocusing and tuning into your emotions that has to be done.

How have you enjoyed seeing Eve’s character develop from a mainly quirky, happy go-lucky character, to exploring a deeper development as she works with Lena?

ANDREA BROOKS: It’s beyond exciting. This season is my absolute favorite. The transition from her working at CatCo to L-Corp allows her to express herself in a more honest way, she’s really able to display who she is and hone her craft as a scientist and do more interesting work that appeals to her.

How fun was it to film 4×2 ‘Fallout’ with Melissa Benoist & Katie McGrath?

ANDREA BROOKS: There was so much funny, physical comedy in that episode… running around, being trapped, running through hallways, it was pretty chaotic to shoot – but hilarious and amazing. I adore Melissa and Katie and we get along famously; it really never feels like a work day with those two. We all love reading; podcasts; we all have so much in common. It’s an effortless, working friendship.

Did it surprise you to see how positively and quickly fans reacted to the “Team Science” pairing with Lena and Eve?

ANDREA BROOKS: It totally surprised me. We had joked about it, because any time anyone is paired with Katie – there’s going to be a hashtag. I had so many amazing messages from fans. Especially women who are in science, who feel that women in science are underrepresented on television, thanking me – and I find that so flattering.

With Eve’s Yale/nuclear science background, do you think we’ll see her aspire to be more than assistant at some point?

ANDREA BROOKS: Yes, I think that’s fair to say. I love that Eve is unassuming – you never know what she’s going to do or say. She’s spastic and unpredictable, but brilliant. I like that she’s multi-faceted in that way. There’s definitely more to come when it comes to Eve’s background. I’ve been extremely busy with the show for the second half of the season.

Have you learned any new science terms from playing Eve?

ANDREA BROOKS: Absolutely. A few of us, specifically our script supervisor, some of the crew, sometimes I wrangle Katie into this – we give ourselves little science lessons behind the scenes anytime we’re science-ing on set. I bought an art book on the periodic table recently; I like to think I kind of know what I’m talking about when I’m doing these things? It’s fun to do the side bits of research, without actually having to do science!

How is it being a part of two shows (Supergirl & When Calls the Heart) with such strong fan bases?

ANDREA BROOKS: It’s so fun! Both of the shows air at the same time on Sunday nights this year, so it’s pretty hilarious to open social media and watch two very different fandoms duking it out. I feel so lucky to be a part of anything with a fan base at all, it’s a total gift; getting to be a part of two different shows with fandoms that are supportive and love what we do, is just an absolute treat.

Onto some of “Andrea’s Favorites” –

Favorite scene to film so far from Supergirl?

ANDREA BROOKS: The scenes from ‘Fallout’ stand out to me as a favorite, because it was so fun, and funny to shoot. Or any time there’s action; I do love stunts. I love watching stunt people do their work and being involved in that. That scene at the end of season two where Eve brings in milkshakes and they explode – that’s fun. Anything physical – I’m a fan of.

Favorite costume of Eve’s on Supergirl?

ANDREA BROOKS: I love Eve’s outfits, especially recently! She’s grown up a bit from her CatCo days and come a long way from her rolled up sweaters. One of my favorites is actually what she wore in ‘Fallout;’ that pinstripe black dress with the blue belt. I absolutely love that dress.

Favorite custom of Faith’s on When Calls the Heart?

ANDREA BROOKS: I do love my nursing costume; we upgraded this season. For the past four years she had one nursing outfit, and then this year we re-constructed it with thicker fabric; it’s a cool period piece. I also love the coats, all the characters have fabulous coats, constructed from the ground up.

Favorite thing to do in Vancouver?

ANDREA BROOKS: We have a beautiful sea wall that runs all the way around downtown, and you can run it, bike along it, go on walks. In the summer, it’s a great thing to do; you can grab an ice cream and go for a walk around the sea wall. And I love biking; we’re a very active community and I quite like that because I’m pretty active. I love working out and walking places, and Vancouver’s a great place for that.

Photo credit: Judy Bishop on Flickr

Favorite current TV show?

ANDREA BROOKS: This is a bit embarrassing, but I am a bit of a reality show junkie. Right now, I’ve been watching a lot of these docuseries. I just watched the Michael Jackson one; Lorena; the OJ Simpson one that came out last year. I love true crime; so anything on that subject will be of interest to me.

Favorite vacation spot?

ANDREA BROOKS: Hawaii – particularly the Big Island, is gorgeous. Some of my favorite cities are Tokyo and Paris.

Favorite book?

ANDREA BROOKS: We’re on the subject of true crime – that still very much appeals to me in books. I recently read Bad Blood – actually Katie McGrath leant me that. It’s a story of Elizabeth Holmes and her sham Silicon Valley company that crumbled. I loved that. I’m reading Kitchen Confidential, the Anthony Bourdain biography. I’m reading Columbine – I have five books going at any time. Generally, I love non-fiction.

It sounds like fans of Eve certainly have a lot to look forward to in seeing Supergirl dive deeper into her background, and where her character is going next in the second half of season four. Thanks again to Andrea for chatting with us!

Fandopolis.