#several someones 😼

[kittyit]

And I'm someone's maverick of an insular extremist subculture they check up on ♥️ and that's beautiful

[gay-dorito-dust]

sub zero anon again 😼 Can I request something where Bihan is very possessive, maybe he gets jealous that Johnny Cage or someone else is flirting with you and you get fed up with bihans attitude about the situation (not w you but with johnny) so you end up just going home and when Bihan is bitching about it you kiss him to shut him up 🙏🏻 i got my inspo from the jealously prompts page LMAOO anyways you’re the best <3

‘Do you have a map, because I get lost in your eyes.’

Johnny’s voice was the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard to Bi-Han. It caused him to react in a viscerally violent way that grew harder and harder for him to ignore the more the arrogant man sat across from him opened his mouth to speak; Especially so if the words that left said arrogant man’s mouth were unsolicited flirtatious quips directed towards you. Bi-Han wasn’t oblivious to your beauty and he couldn’t put an ounce of blame on you for merely existing, however he could and would put every ounce of blame on Johnny for interrupting what was meant to be a private moment meant for the both of you.

Bi-Han had been planning this for a long while now since being Grandmaster took up most -if not all- of his time, leaving the only times where you could be together was during at night and missions, which were never truly enough for him when you were seemingly the only person who could elevate the stress of being Grandmaster from his shoulders and grant him the opportunity to being vulnerable. For Bi-Han it acted as a way of saying thank you for putting up with him for as long as you had for he knew he wasn’t the most easiest of people, so for it all to be tarnished within a blink of an eye by the arrogant buffoon who was too acted as though he was god’s gift to humanity; Needless to say Bi-Han wasn’t the most pleased and he doesn’t bother to hide his displeasure either with how tightly he scrunched up his fists and how hard he clenched his jaw from under his mask. He even went as far as to keep his ice cold glare solely on him as a way to tell Johnny how he was overstaying his unwarranted welcome.

But either the man was stupid or was just that full of himself because not once did Johnny spare Bi-Han a single glance, nor cared to, as all his undivided attention was focused on you as he spouted and and all sorts of one liners that only prove useful in fuelling Bi-Han’s fire. And as much as you liked Johnny as a friend, he certainly had the upmost worst timing ever. Impromptu hangouts is what he liked to calls them but when you saw him enter Madame Bo’s the same time you and Bi-Han were just getting settled, you knew the worst was yet to come. You knew Johnny had a tendency to flirt with anything that moves and breaths and often times does so during the worst of times, but this must’ve possibly his worst one yet.

You knew how Bi-Han didn’t get along with Jonny so you could only imagine the amount of effort he was putting in to not reacting to anything that was being said, but you weren’t an idiot. You could see him silently seething from the corner of your eye as you went to place your hand on his knee for reassurance, only for him to jerk it away from you, leaving you to question his sudden attitude towards you when you’ve done nothing wrong the entire evening. You even shot him several questioning looks, all of which were blatantly ignored by Bi-Han as his lack of emotional control had lead to the air becoming frigid. You could start to see small quantities of ice beginning to form on the edges of the table, creeping inwards to your ceramic mugs of half drunk, lukewarm teas.

You nudged Bi-Han with you shoulder. ‘I thought the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei was meant to set a precedence.’ You whispered. ‘You know Johnny is nothing more then a friend, and I know he kind of ruined our evening but that don’t mean you have to go this far just to get back at him.’

Bi-Han’s jaw twitched as the furrow of his brow deepened. ‘It’s truly an insult that you would believe that I would ever disgrace myself by stopping to his level. I’m merely warning him.’ He said sharply as the air grew even colder and the ice on the table had now rendered your tea undrinkable, much to your disappointment. You really liked that tea.

All of this didn’t seem to raise any warning signs within Johnny, who was oblivious to it all, which honestly baffled you at how he didn’t seem to acknowledge the change in the air, nor feel the ice that was threatening to encase the hand that was holding one of your own as his thumb gently caressed the skin there. All you wanted was a nice, easygoing evening, it was such a small thing to ask for but Bi-Han and Johnny were making things unnecessarily hard for you and now all you wanted to do was go home and head straight to bed to sleep this all off and hope that you have forgotten all about it the next day. ‘If being sexy is a crime, you’d be guilty as charged.’ Johnny said but before you could say anything in response, Bi-Han stood up abruptly, his eyes showing a man who’s reached his limit and so had you at this point as you tried to ease the oncoming headache to no avail as Bi-Han reached to grab Johnny by his expensive shirt.

‘Woah! Go easy on the merchandise dude, this shirt cost me a fortune.’ Johnny cried.

‘I have no care for your materialistic lifestyle Cage.’ Bi-Han spat venomously and that was about all you could take as you stood up from your chair and grabbing the cryomancer by the bicep, catching his eye for the first time that evening. ‘I don’t think Madame Bo would enjoy having to spend the rest of her evening clearing blood off of the floor and furniture now do you?’ You asked, taking the silence that greeted you as your answer as you again spoke pointedly, ‘We’re leaving. Now.’ Bi-Han knew it wouldn’t be wise to fight you once your mind was made up and he didn’t want to be even more on your bad side then he already was, and so he released Johnny unceremoniously as his body hit to the floor before following you out of the tea house without another word.

Back at the Lin Kuei wasn’t any better either as Bi-Han decided to make his thoughts known of how much he hated Johnny for not only ruining your evening that you’ll never get back, but also for blatantly flirting with you right in front of him. And at the rate he was going at, it only felt like the beginning of an extremely long night, and not in the sexy sense either.

‘Cage is an insufferable man child.’ He began. ‘Doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself nor does he have an ounce of respect within his entire body.’ You internally groan as all you wanted to do was sleep, but it was clear that Bi-Han wasn’t about to let this go as easily as you were, and you knew that Bi-Han had an unhealthy tendency to withhold grudges until his dying breath. But even then he’ll still be carrying those grudges like it was his life’s purpose. ‘Johnny was only flirting with me to get a rise out of you my love, which was why I was trying to stop you from doing something you’ll come to regret later on.’ You explained, walking over to Bi-Han and placing your hands on his face, watching with soft eyes at how he’d visibly relax and lean into your touch, reaching his hands up to place over you own as a way to keep you there.

You loved this man more than words could describe, but you swore there were days where he could drive you up the wall and yet you wouldn’t trade it for anything. ‘The fool could use today as a learning lesson as to not try to go after what’s rightfully mine.’ Bi-Han growled possessively, had it been any other night you would’ve found this shamelessly attractive but tonight wasn’t the night despite the warmth that flooded throughout your entire body. ‘I’m sure he’s learnt a very valuable lesson and would do better to think twice next time.’ You told Bi-Han as your thumbs stroked the cheeks of his now maskless face, taking time to ingrain each and every facet that made up his beautiful facial structure, something you very much liked to do every night before wandering off to sleep.

‘There won’t be a next time if Cage wishes to keep his life.’ Bi-Han replied, his hands, which had now traversed down to your waist, gripped you tightly as they -rather roughly- pulled you into him until you were flushed against him. You smirked as the fluttering feeling within you raged on. ‘How romantic of you my heart, but I think you’ve done enough talking for one day, so allow me to give your voice a rest and put your lips to work in the only way I that know we’ll both enjoy.’ You didn’t allow Bi-Han to speak afterwards as your lips were already descended upon his as your hands had moved to lounge comfortably over his shoulders, your eyes closed in heavenly bliss.

The evening might’ve not gone how either of you would’ve wanted but that’s what made the kiss more rewarding but what made it even more rewarding was when Bi-Han’s hands slipped down to your ass, giving them a good squeeze, as he then walked you towards the end of the bed, where you fell into the mattress with Bi-Han following shortly after; whilst actively making sure to support most his weight onto his forearms that caged you underneath him before reconnecting his lips with yours feverishly, as your needy hands grabbed ahold of him however you could.

Maybe it was one of those sexy nights after all.

[haeetu]

🔥 SPICY BAKI HEAD CANNONS! 🔥

Baki;

Baki seems like the type of guy during s*x he'll wait till you're to your climax or ask if your almost their and when you do he stops completely and starts laughing

His kinks would be pulling hair, hickeys, ruff play , handcuffs , c*m play

Baki would definitely do aftercare

He would make smexy comments like

"hah.. your lovin' this huh" or " FUCK at this point I might had we'll have kids"

Baki is kinda shy when it comes to doing it in public places ( like bath rooms movie theaters , ect)

He's prob about 9inches 😻

He'll last about 7-8 hours ( GET THEM WHELLCHAIRERS)

If you do well giving him head he'll eat you OUT 🧸😼

Baki would let you ride when he's tired or a bit cocky

Yujiro hanma 😻🔥

This man would completely DESTROY YOU no questions asked

He has several kinks pulling hair , hitting , maybe knife pl*y if he's angry or sum or he just wanna add some spice , groping, biting, general man-handling, spanking, ect

He isn't afraid to do it in public he's a literal menace

When he introduced you to his sons he looked down to your boobs (medium) and grabbed them (cup style) and starting show them off ( kinda weird but go with it) ofc this mad the boys uncomfortable

He doesn't really care what you wear just know if he catches someone looking they're dying and your getting " special" treatment after 😌🍵

He about 8 in a half inches mmh

Last for as long as he wants

Doesn't really do aftercare unless he has sum to do

Jack

Ngl jack look like he pop generic sildenafil ( Viagra pills) before he does anything 😭

Jack 8 out of 10 would let your ride him

He likes when you face ride him

When he h*ry Jack would walk towards you in silence lift up your shirt and lick your stomach up to your chest like a invite and walk to the room to wait on you

Jack is really protective of you and when your around Baki ( with rizz ) he grab your as$ and bite your neck just to let Baki know

Ngl jack looks like he would do it in plublic

He'll randomly Whisper in your ear and say " heey you remember when u fuck you senseless last night your face was amazing "

When in public and your both h*rny little being you guys go to the closes restaurant bathroom and do it there

That's it for now in a few hours I'll check this post likes (goal is 30 likes) and if it reaches it goal I'll make a part 2 feat: pickle , restu , Olivia , Doyle ,yurichro , hanayama , and ect requests open!!

[forkz07]

i have some more about the cowboy au 😼

okay so a little more backstory on everyone

Donna

Donna’s parents, like in the canon, also killed themselves, and Miranda took Donna and Angie in at a young age. Donna was about 5, and Angie was only a couple of months old. She grew up with her and the others and was the baby of the family, always being cared for and treated for which ontop of her parents leaving her, gave her major abandonment issues. So, when Donna was about 11, when Karl left to join the outlaws (since everyone else had alr left), Donna was left alone, and Miranda was focused on revenge, so she didn’t care for Donna at all. All she had was her little sister, Angie. When Donna turned 16, and Angie was 11, Karl came back during the night and took her and Angie away from Miranda and they both joined the outlaws.

Karl

Karl’s parents were killed when he was a kid, around age 9, and he was left to fend for himself until Miranda found him a couple of months later. He was starved, hurt, dehydrated, and severely ill. Miranda took him to one of the local hospitals and he was taken care of, and he swore to himself that nobody, not even Miranda, could take care of him except himself, because if they did it would hurt his pride. He didn’t really like any of his siblings. They were alright, but they got annoying. Then, Donna was adopted into the family. They grew a bond. About 7 years later they hen Karl was 16, he left and became an outlaw. He went around with them and as soon as Donna turned 16 he came back for her and let her join the gang which he was now the leader of. His reputation was massive, and it wasn’t a good one. He was kind of honourable, but he had robbed and killed hundreds. He also had a talent for welding metal and making tools or machinery.

Alcina

Alcina was about 11 when Miranda took her in and was 12 when Karl joined the family. Her parents, even though they were nobles, didn’t think they were going to be able to properly take care of alcina, so they found someone who was willing to take her in (Miranda) and shipped her off so she could ‘have a better life.’ When she was 17, she left home and started to work in one of the new cities, and by the time she was 20, she was a well known, successful woman (which was not common at all). She had her own winery and very loyal customers. Alcina learnt a lot about everyone and everything, and for the right price, and with the right amount of trust, alcina was willing to give you information on whatever she knew. Karl and Donna would come along sometimes if they needed something. And so would Miranda, though, alcina didn’t trust her all too well.

Salvatore

Salvatore was 15 when Miranda brought him in and he was 17 by the time alcina was adopted into the family. He had no mother beforehand and his father was too ill to provide for the family and was later jailed for stealing to try and get money. Moreau had nothing except the fisher house and docks his father left behind. When he was taken in by Miranda, he was so happy. He felt lucky. And when he was 25, he moved out, and went back to the fisherman house his father left. Sal lives quite a quiet life, though, every once in a while someone will come by, and they would mysteriously disappear. Karl and Donna would make trips out to Sal to see what belongings the people had left behind, and if anything was useful, Sal would let them have it.

Angie

Angie was only a few months old when her parents died, and all she had was Donna to take care of her until Miranda found them, though, Donna was still her main caretaker, even though she was a child herself. They grew up closely, though they were total opposites. When Karl came and got them, the two of them were thrilled.

Miranda

Miranda was only young when her daughter died. She was about 22, and her daughter Eva was only 5. When she got mauled by wolves, she was recasted, and swore she would get payback on the man who made it happen. She adopted special children which she swore had ‘gifts.’ Even though she was a governed (which was odd for a woman), people thought that Miranda was a witch. They though she studied witchcraft. And even though she denied it, she did. And she had mastered all there was to know, to the point that she could actually wield magic. Nobody has ever seen her use it, but she has. She cursed Ethan winters and is still out for him. She won’t stop until she has revenge for her daughter. She wants to take his daughter and turn her into her own.

Ethan

Ethan lived a pretty normal life. He got married to Mia, had his kid rose, and they lived on a farm so they could make their living. One day, Ethan was out in his farm when he saw a little girl wandering around. He went up to her and asked what she was doing and she assumed she was in trouble so she ran in the direction to the woods. Ethan knew that it was unsafe and followed her. But when he found her, it was already too late. He got Mia to fetch the law and when they got there, Miranda arrived on the scene. She couldn’t believe what she seeing. Ethan was blamed for the murder by Miranda, though everyone else thought it was an accident. A couple years later when his daughter rose was born, a hex was put onto him by Miranda and his body was slowly deteriorating, though it didn’t look like it from the outside. Whenever he got hurt, it would heal quickly, no matter how severe. It was.. odd. It was like he wasn’t even human anymore. Him and Mia thought nothing of it though, and had to make plans for rose. They had seen a cowboy come by the town recently and knew that he was still here, so they found him and asked him to take rose, and to bring her back in 5 years to see if it was safe. Karl agreed, oblivious to the fact it was Miranda who was after their daughter and took off. He soon learnt that it was Miranda after rose, and he was fine with that, though it didn’t go very well with Donna..

Donna didn’t want to go against Miranda. She was the one who cared for them, took them in, and protected them until they were old enough to protect themselves. Angie agreed with Karl that Miranda wasn’t a good person, but Donna didn’t believe it. She stuck with Karl, though it made their relationship rocky.

Alcina and Sal were shocked when they heard that Karl had kept rose after learning that Miranda was the one after her, but decided to keep his secret and aid him. After all, they could both tell that Miranda was less.. humane.

is there anything you guys want to know or want me to clear up about this au 😻 I wanna write more about it but idk what exactly so I’d gladly take questions

[your-local-grinning-cat]

AR Speaks OOC

Going to be real with you all for a bit.

I’m not even really on Che’nya’s page right now - I’m making this post from my main and just changing the poster.

To be honest, I’m a bit nervous to change to Che’nya’s. Because I can see I have over 50 notifications, but I know I actually have even more, because I had more that got marked as “read” even though I hadn’t dealt with them before logging off the last time I was on.

😱😱😱😱😱

And that may not be a lot to some of you, but for me, someone who tries to answer as many of you as I can… that’s a lot.

As much as I want to pop back onto Che’nya and see what chaos Che’nya can cause and see what mischief all of you have for me, that’s… a bit overwhelming for me right now.

I may just have to drop some reblog chains that were going on if I come back today, unfortunately.

I hope that would be okay with everyone?

I put so much energy into every one of my responses that even one usually takes a lot of time. Even looking for the proper gif I want to use for the situation can take up quite a bit of time for me. I’m a perfectionist by nature. And it doesn’t help that some gif’s that come up with some “cat” keywords are uhhhhh… yeah. 😳 So by the time I’ve responded to one notification, I’ve often gotten several more.

And yeah, a lot of them are likes and things I don’t need to respond to, but still. Because of how much effort I put into the responses, I often take small breaks to chat to people in DMs and on discord between responses so I don’t completely melt my brain. But that takes up even more time…

Which all combines to mean that being on Che’nya is often a several hour straight event for me.

And that’s honestly why I get so burnt out so quickly - why I often appear and then disappear for a while. Which doesn’t help the situation, of course.

So that’s why I’m posting this.

Because I think that’s just how I’m going to have to do this from now on. As much as I hate leaving people hanging, I’m just going to have to choose some chains to end in order to focus on more recent ones and hopefully manage my notifs better.

That way, I can feel better coming back with Che’nya and won’t disappear so often and so frequently. He likes to disappear, but not as often as he has been. 😅

I won’t be getting on Che’nya right after posting this, but I will check my blog later and look at this post to see the general response of people before looking at notifications.

And sorry to those I was having dm convos with - @blind0raven probably, as well as @castaway-achlys because since I haven’t been checking I haven’t gotten your messages.

But hey! Foxy!

Extra message for you from Che’nya under the cut! :D

I got bnnuy Deuce. Twice. Ima steal yo man if you don’t hurry the fuck up and confess to him, you chicken. 😼

[antlerx-art]

GOOD OMENS 2 EPISODE 6 REACTION - CONTAINS SPOILERS‼️

THE EVERY IS IN THIS EPISODE. YES I’LL KEEP CALLING IT THAT UNTIL IT HAPPENS. IM GOING INSANE.

starting it 👍🏻

aziraphale you’re standing a little too dangerously in that circle remember last time

“you’re not welcome here” DEEP VOICE OOOOOH pity crowley isn’t here to hear it my guy would’ve fainted

HIS ANGEL OUTFIT 💀THE WAY HES RUNNING

yes maggie ROAST her 🙏

“i’ve spent my life being scared of things” 😭

“BRAVER THAN ANYONE I KNOW”YEEEAHHH MY LESBIANS

shax don’t hurt maggie don’t you even THINK of hurting maggie or nina

“my god you lot are pathetic” LOUDERRR GO MAGGIEEE GOOOOO

no wait why can they get in

MAGGIEEEEEEE WHAT HAVE YOU DONEEEE

hehe aziraphale is “perfectly prepared to take defensive action” 😼

“STAY BACK 😠” OHHHH WOW

“you can all leave now, and nobody will be hurt” SO BADASS YEAHHHHHH

rip eric

lol there’s no miracle apparently michael and uriel just can’t notice crowley

noooooo muriel is lonely :(

also crowley comparing angels to bees and aziraphale feeling lonely when he realized he’s an “angel that goes along with heaven as far as he can” in ep 2 is making heaven look like some sort of hivemind and it’s really cool, it also explains why aziraphale is a bit uncomfortable with not having someone to report to after becoming free

CROWLEY WAS AN IMPORTANT ANGELLLLLLL I KNEW IT OHHH MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WAS A STUPID THEORY BUT IT SEEMS TRUE?

aziraphale using the way he discorporated in s1 to discorporate other demons hehe silly

i was about to say that demons can’t possibly be that stupid but aziraphale is reading my mind i guess

AND HE DOESNT HAVE ANOTHER PLAN!

“amen” okay??

gabriel saying nah???? to heaven winning?????

crowley is so doctor who right now

“ARMAGEDDON THE SEQUEL THATS A NAH” 😭 IS THIS WHAT HE WAS PUNISHED FOR??

aziraphale MENTIONING THE FIRE???????

NOOO IT’S TRAUMATIC FOR HIM ☹️

they had a TRIAL?

saraqael knows it’s crowley AND KNEW HIM AS AN ANGEL WHAAAT

“severe measures” no aziraphale you have to say extreme sanctions

“CROWLEY’S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANGEL”

shax stop making fun of my angel

THE METATRON AT THE TRIAL

UHH why doesn’t gabriel give a fuck about this

“GUYS ENOUGH”? OH MY

“one prince of heaven cast into the outer darkness” DO YOU MEAN. DO YOU MEAN CROWLEY? WAS HE A PRINCE OF HEAVEN????????

junior recoding angel😭 HES ONE CLASS UNDER M U R I E L

crowley’s little punch on their shoulder HES A NICE GUYYY OH HES SO CBBSBDBBD

gabriel is so casual about the trial?? like he just got fired but he didn’t like the job anyway

aziraphale what are you doing

IS HE GOING TO BECOME BIBLICALLY ACCURATE?

THE HALOOOOOO

HE STARTED THE WAR

“YOU WOT?”

just kidding no war apparently

and why is the box full now?????

THE FLYYYYYY that’s what he was writing

BEELZEBUB INVOLVED I K N E W IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

HEHEEHEHEHHEHE INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY

yayyy memories are back

SEASON ONE???????

OH GOD THIS SHIP IS REAL?

arma bloody geddon

ahh and they’re too tired to fight so they agreed to just refuse to do it i guess?

and gabe then went to aziraphale’s bookshop because he was the first one to go against armageddon

A PROPOSAL TO MAKE

yes that’s what i thought

i can’t believe gabriel has a deal with beelzebub this fandom keeps winning this season truly is a shipper’s dream

THE SCENEEEEE from the trailer

he actually goes there just to look at the statue for hours💀

THEY WERE AT THE PUB!!! i keep predicting

romantic ineffable bureaucracy date if they *every* before aziracrow i’ll be dead on the floor laughing

GABE PUT THEIR SONG ON

FINGERS TOUCHING

“it’s bigger on the inside” CAN BRITISH PEOPLE STOP. BEING. BRITISH. (jk i love y’all keep making these silly shows🫶🏻)

ROOOOMANCEEEEEE THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER

HES BACK!

if they kiss istg

“SILLY SILLY ANGEL”

HANDS HOLDING???? WHY IS EVERYONE CONFESSING BEFORE AZIRACROW WAKE UPPPPPP

WHY DID IT TAKE YOU GUYS 6000 YEARS AND INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY MADE IT IN?? SOME MONTHS?

“you will speak one at a time” yummmmy

ALPHA CENTAURY THEY ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE

still cant believe they’re canon

THATS THE METATRON

NINA AND MAGGIE TELLING CROWLEY TO CONFESS OOOOOH YESSSS

NINA CALLED MAGGIE ANGEL

ah i suppose the metatron offered aziraphale to be some sort of archangel but hes gonna decline because he wants to be with crowley

ITS ABOUT TO HAPPENNNNNN

no aziraphale HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?????

yeah as i said

AZIRAPHALE HOW CAN YOU STILL THINK THIS I THOUGHT YOU HAD SOME BIGGER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

CROWLEY’S CONFESSION IM NOT OKAY

“oh crowley nothing lasts forever” shut. up.

CROWLEY PUTTING THE GLASSES BACK ON AS A SHEILD

YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO DINE AT THE RITZ AZIRAPHALE YOURE RUINING EVERYTHING

“i need you!” THEN STAY YOU DUMBASS

NO NIGHTINGALE? STOP IM ABOUT TO THROW UP

WE COULD’VE BEEN US

THE EVERY

THE EVERY OH GOD

THE FUCKING EVERY HAPPENED OH MY GOD BUT ITS SO SAD WHYYYYYYYYY

THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT IT TO BE IN THE LAST EPISODE AND EVEN LESS IN THE LAST SCENE I NEED HELP

“I FORGIVE YOU” / “DONT BOTHER”

NEIL GAIMAN PAY MY THERAPY BILLS

aziraphale touching his lips.

GO AFTER HIMMMMMMMMMM YOU IDIOT

i hate this

i need a moment

SO.

i know that in cinema the middle part is usually the sad part so since this show is a three season thing i was already considering the possibility of a sad ending for s2

BUT IT DID NOT. HAVE TO BE THIS SAD.

i have to say it did feel quiet gentle and romantic compared to season one, BUT THIS ENDING. THS FUCKING ENDING???? THIS COULDVE BEEN SO PERFECT WHY DID THE METATRON SHOW UP WHY DID AZIRAPHALE ACCEPT

neil i’m in your walls IM UNDER YOUR BED

AND WHAT IF WE DONT GET A SEASON THREE?

good omens and ofmd both ending with them separated this is too much why can’t gay people be happy

and when i had seen the every i couldn’t wait to see the contentx BUT OHHH I ALREADY MISS THE TIME WHEN I WAS CLUELESS I DIDNT NEED THIS CONTEXT

crowley i’m with you btw aziraphale needs to do the apology dance a million times

alright i’m rambling bye everyone i’m gonna go stare at the wall for seven hours

tagging @neil-gaiman but this time it’s to send him my therapy bills not the reaction ❤️

[haespoir]

where do u get all of ur shmexy genius from i'm genuinely so curious bc u have banger after banger fr. one might even say a no-skip discography 😼 but like masterlist u kno

omg thank you… short answer my friends n i are my inspiration 😍😍.. LOL

long answer… i am severely mentally ill and if i am anything, it is crazy 😋☝️ like the hyuck texts i posted are relatable bc once i was arguing w/ someone and they hung up mid fight to block me… so i called them on my mom’s phone so i could get the last word in and then i blocked them back 🙈

hehe ty tho my beloved!!! it means a lot 🫶🥹

[transslashharmed]

pokes u 😼

Explodes !!!!

Bro someone should totes let me talk to them about my trans severity DID / alternaDID transition and how well its going :]

[backpocketkazoo]

if you're still writing for psychonauts could you write for dion? just fluff cause yes if you don't write for him that's alright but i just thought i'd ask :)

Shoutout to anon for being the first psychonauts ask 😼💖

Tbh I'm not confident in my writing skills for Dion but hopefully it's to your liking <3!! (Also since his age isn't officially determined I'm just gonna say he's 18!!)

Dion Aquato x Reader General Headcanons:

💌 Dion does not strike me as the one to be open with his emotions. He doesn’t like the confrontation,, so he just,, ignores them.

💌 Even when he starts to have feelings for you he’s in denial about it. And when he finally comes to term with them, it’s not like he’s gonna be open about it??

-> God forbid anyone found out. Especially his family, he’d be HUMILIATED.

💌 One of his siblings would come up to him and tease him about having a crush on you, and it was obviously a joke, but Dion would get mad at them anyways.

-> like “Ooh does somebody have a crush?” and dude would get so defensive?? If they hadn’t thought he had a crush before they definitely did after that.

💌 I imagine this kind of treatment would be sparked by Dion inviting you to hang out with him while he practiced his acrobatics.

-> Perhaps someone saw him catching you by surprise and involving you in his stunts. “If that isn’t flirting idk what is!” - Raz at some point, probably.

-> Listen. If you’re watching your fave do his silly lil acrobatics and next thing you know you’re soaring several feet in the air, in his arms, while he’s telling you calmly that he’s “not gonna let you fall”. Personally, I simply would not know what to do with myself.

💌 Dion would love involving you with his acrobatics tbh.

💌 Additionally? Hanging out after performances? Especially at sundown, you guys would run off to somewhere secluded and watch the sunset. Also?? If someone perhaps? Tossed some flowers into the arena he would snag one for you and give it when you met up.

💌 Oh yeah and instead of PDA you will subtly hold hands under the table. Bro can’t let the others know he’s a softie.

That’s it that’s the post. /lh

[valyrou]

hi there, dear! i saw you were doing matchups 🙀🙀 if it’s alright with you, may i please have a bsd matchup? please take your time on this!

my name is ren and i use she/they pronouns. write this with either one! i am omnisexual, but my preference is men at the moment. i am an aries, as well as an intj 6w5!

personality: my personality really depends on my mood. i am usually hella awkward when i first meet a person, and before we really get close i will be quiet and polite. but once you really get to know me, i am positive and energetic, and objectively funny. i’m incredibly kind and sweet and caring i think are the words, and i always put others before myself. i’m what one would call “a gifted kid”, i am very intelligent. i’m very responsible and i am the “mom friend”. i’m very clingy unless you make me uncomfortable. i can usually mask my emotions but if i bottle them up for too long I’ll just break down. i have ADHD and have the shortest attention span known to man, so I’m always off in my own little world. i need someone who can keep me grounded. i LOVE to talk and if you give me a chance, i won’t shut up. i am very insecure and have severe trust issues, unless you have proven to me time after time i can trust you. i fear that people find me annoying and i cry very easily, especially if someone raises their voice at me.

hobbies: i love to read, especially classics and fantasy novels. give me a good book and i can finish it in a day if i work hard enough. i play piano and i do theater and honors chorus, so i love to act and sing. i love writing and always am writing something, whether it’s in my head or on paper. i am an amazing cook and baker and will housewife if i have to 😼😼. i love to have conversations on politics and world debates. i like to play chess (but i suck) and pool (i don’t suck at pool), and i play tennis.

likes: i love music and literature in general. i am definitely a cat person and will pick up a cat off the side of the road and bring it home. i love drama and am a bit of a gossip. i also love fashion and will have a heart attack if i am not wearing something that matches. i love shopping and video games (i am a smash bros and mariokart GOD)

dislikes: i HATE bugs. if there is a bug in my house, i will scream and jump onto the counter to get away from it. you kill a bug for me? you have my undying loyalty. i can’t stand scary movies, especially clowns. i am somewhat of a picky eater. i also hate second chances. it’s not worth it to give hundreds of chances to someone who breaks your trust and heart every single time. i also hate the ocean. you take me to the beach? i will be sitting in a chair under an umbrella reading, looking absolutely disgusted 💀💀

love language:

A/n: THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER LOLOL BUT NO WORRIES IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME!! Also we are quite similar :0 thank you for requesting love, stay hydrated yourself and sleep a good amount <33

I will pair you up with…

Kunikida Doppo!

(Bro looks soo majestic <33)

Kunikida isn’t patient with Dazai since Dazai teases him on purpose, but he would be incredibly patient with you

He understands the struggle that comes with ADHD so he’d make sure you don’t zone out to much, maybe take you places and let you talk as much as you want

He‘s a great listener

Distracts you with something to fiddle with, so you don’t zone out on him

Maybe physical touch isn’t his biggest love language, but Initially warms up to it. PDA maybe too, depends really

Hand holding sure, except you guys work together (If you would work in the ADA as well that is) then it’s just an initial squeeze on the shoulder or a kiss on the head

Kunikidas love language is quality time fr fr

Takes you out all the time, art galleries, museums, ancient library, the park etc.

You don’t have to feel insecure around Kunikida as well. He loves you for you, not for who you‘d wish to be

He would make sure you understood that

Compliments all the way, long talks

He has a literal description of his dream partner like?????

He loves you the way you are and he promises you every time you doubt yourself that he loves the current you <3

As loyal as you Are

Get a bigger beach chair, because this guy won’t play in the water either.

Please give each other book recommendations???????

Would start off very shy and akward in the relationship but once you two really get to know every detail about each other honestly anyone would be jealous

Idk if it’s canon or not, but I picture Kunikida a great cook (not so good baker) too, so DUO COOKING

Baking with him is more complicated tho because he has absolutely zero clue what’s going on

He‘d probably even mess up half finished muffins (yk the ones were you only need to put in the eggs and oil and then the muffin mix? Yeah that one)

Kills the bugs for you <3

[gamerbearmira]

Protective Madrigals drabble <33

Might not be able to do asks, but I sure can write for some of my aus 😼 this was based off the prompt by @ghostbrother30 , where Mirabel did get a gift, that enabled her to have a shield

Les get it

-----

Mirabel had done it on accident. It was her 10th birthday, and she was with her tía, who had asked Mirabel to come along to look at fabrics so she could help Mirabel make a blanket for her unborn primo (a secret plan to distract her so the family could set up her party.)

They had just left the store and were on the path back to Casita, simply talking and laughing about various things, not being very aware of their surroundings.

They only noticed when someone a was behind them as yelling. It took Mirabel a second to make out the words, but she heard "runaway cart". The two of them turned around and saw a cart racing toward them while several villagers chased after it.

Pepa didn't have much time to react; but Mirabel did. She immediately ran in front of her tia (and by extension, primo), holding her arms up in an attempt to keep her from being hit.

"Mira---!" Pepa reached for Mirabel, but stopped when she saw the cart crash, though not into Mirabel. Focusing her vision a bit through the sawdust and dirt, she saw the large, slightly transparent shield that was stationed in front of Mirabel.

Mirabel's eyes were closed, so she hadn't actually noticed what had happened. Pepa had a cloud before it quickly turned into a rainbow, the setting sun still managing to shine brightly over the horizon.

"Mirabel! Mirabel look!" Pepa said, hugging Mirabel from behind (or at least doing her best to do so.). The small girl opened her eyes and saw what she had done, gasping in surprise as the now broken cart dropped to the ground as her shield fell.

"Is that...did I do that?" Mirabel asked quietly, practically choking on her own words.

Pepa turned Mirabel to face her, hands on her shoulders. "Yes! You did! You have a gift!" She beamed, hugging the girl again.

Mirabel slowly started to laugh, smiling as she hugged her tia back. The villagers that witnessed the event watched as Mirabel turned and put her arms back up, thus creating the shield again.

"Oh, we have to get back to Casita and show everyone!" Pepa said, struggling to bend down and pick up the bag she had dropped; Mirabel stopped her and picked it up, giddy about the whole situation.

"I have a gift," Mirabel said again, still in disbelief. Now she could defend her family more, like her hermana mayor Luisa!

"Oh this is so exciting!" Pepa clapped her hands together, rainbow still very much present. "And on your birthday as well! What a wonderful present!"

"Yeah," Mirabel said, grabbing her tias hand. "But you guys are the best familia I could ask for, and I think that's the best present ever." Mirabel smiled up at her tia.

Pepa's eyes watered as she stopped and smothered Mirabel in kisses. "And you're our pequena milargo," she said, giving her one last kiss.

After about 5 more minutes of walking, they had finally made it back to Casita, with a few minutes to spare. Pepa took the bag of fabrics from Mirabel, and proceeded to straighten out her glasses and bow (a gift from her Abuela, who had hand sewn her name, butterflies and a hidden candle into it).

"You ready?" Pepa asked, to which Miravel nodded excitedly. With that, Casita's doors flew open, and the other Madrigal family all jumped out, confetti and flower petals bursting from both sides. Agustin and Felix were on the second level, and they let a colourful banner with her name drop.

"¡Feliz cumpleaños, Mirabel!" They all shouted, smiling at the girl. Mirabel jumped before smiling brightly. She knew they were throwing her a party, but she didn't expect all this!

Julieta rushed over to Mirabel, smothering her kisses as she continued to wish her a happy brithday.

"Ay look at mi hija, so big now," Julieta smiled softly as she popped a buñuelo into her mouth before she could say anything. "Come on, your Abuela has another surprise for you!"

Julieta guided Mirabel over to Alma, who was holding a box that was neatly tied with a bow.

"I know I already gave you a gift this morning but," Alma gently placed the box in Mirabel's hands. The girl gave a curious look before opening the box. In it was a new dress; more than likely hand sewn by Alma herself.

"This...is for me?" Mirabel asked. Alma chuckled, as if to say it was a silly question.

"Of course! It is your birthday after all," Alma pushed her up the stairs. "Now, you go change, and we'll bring out the food."

Mirabel nodded and dashed up to her room taking notice to how her door had changed slightly.

"Mama! I need to tell you something!" Pepa said, smiling happily.

"Sí mija?" Alma responeded, picking up a platter of food and walking along side her daughter.

"Mirabel saved me in town today!" Pepa giddlily explained.

"How so? Are you ok? Is Mirabel ok? She isn't hurt is she?" Alma immediately started to worry, because she was already worried something would go wrong today. That she would need to...dish out more punishments.

"Yes, I'm fine mama. But its the way she saved me! She'll tell you, or better yet she'll show you, you'll be so happy!" Pepa rushed to the next room, leaving Alma in confusion.

What could she have been talking about? Alma hadn't really been in town that day, as she was busy finishing up Mirabel's present and helping preparing for the party.

After another 10 minutes Mirabel finally came downstairs in her new dress. One could see that it had been personalized to fit Mirabel, with butterflies (and a few candles) decorating the hem.

"It's amazing Abuela, I love it!" Mirabel hugged his grandmother who happily returned it.

"Now. Your tia told me you saved her in town. Do you have something to tell me?" Alma asked curiously. Mirabel broke out into a wider smile as she jumped in place in excitement.

"Si, si! I saved her with my gift! I have a gift now Abuela!" Mirabel said, and suddenly the family was now staring at her, most of them in shock, except for Pepa, who had a rainbow above her head.

Alma blinked once, then twice, before shaking her head and holding Mirabel at arms length.

"You...you have a gift?" Alma questioned.

"Yeah, mira mira mira!" Mirabel backed up and turned, tugging on her eldest sisters dress. "Isa! Throw some flowers at me!"

"Uhh...ok?" Isabela chuckled a bit before backing up. In a second a flurry of flowers of all colours was thrown at Mirabel. The family expected Mirabel to be covered with them, but was surprised when the petals all fell, landing in front of the girl.

The family gasped as they saw Mirabel's arms held up, a large gold butterfly shaped shield in front of her, blocking the flowers and preventing her from getting covered in them.

Mirabel moved her arms, letting the shield fall, and grabbed her Abuela's hands, jumping up and down as she laughed. "Isn't it amazing Abuela?!" Mirabel exclaimed in utter joy.

Alma stared for a moment at the flowers before her gaze shifted to the ever joyful Mirabel. "A gift...Mirabel..." She started. Suddenly Alma broke out into laughter, picking her smallest grandchild up and hugging her. "Oh yes of course Mirabel, this is amazing! Perfect even! You have a gift!"

The whole family cheered, congragulating the girl on her new gift.

"Now I can protect the family, and be strong, like Lulu!" Mirabel smiled as she hugged her second older sister.

"You leave the protecting to me," Luisa picked Mirabel up with ease and set her on her shoulders. "Now, why don't we give you your birthday party?"

"Yeah!" Mirabel laughed as she rode on her sister's shoulders. Her father and two tios all picked up instruments and began to play music, the family dancing around Mirabel.

Alma was particularly happy as well. Not only had Mirabel's party been a success, but she had gotten a gift too; a defensive one at that! Alma could relax knowing that in the rare case that Mirabel was alone or being hurt, she had a way to defend herself until someone was there to help her.

----

HOW WE FEELING DO WE LIKE IT????

I kinda wanna write for some of the aus, so if y'all have any writing ideas for any au (even if its not mine, as long as its on the blog), lemme know and I'll see what I can do!

Gonna do a mamalores snippet for an ask I got now, PEACE ❗❗❗

[berribabyyy]

Saw the reblog and needed to ask - omg Blu just anything about this tall boy! I will take crumbs for the price out- well crumbs! Gotta learn more about your bby ✨🙏

(Omg!!! Thank you for your ask HEHE

I‘m very excited to share some fun facts about Blu and am glad you seem to like him!!😌💥💖)

So…

Welcome to ep. 1 of:

✨Random Blu Facts✨

He grew up on a farm with loving parents and two younger sisters.

So although he lacks defined muscles, he’s still unexpectedly strong! Especially his arms and legs. (@tokamiart once said that she imagines him having ‚dad calves‘ and I 100% support that idea.)

Unfortunately, he’s a lazy piece of trash and absolutely hated caring for all the plants and animals they kept. In fact, when he was younger he sometimes wished to live in a big city.

He‘s a tryhard in Mario Kart and a horrible loser. (He may or may not have a few…unresolved anger issues.)

Thanks to his openness and extroverted nature Blu has always been quite popular amongst his peers.

If you don‘t stop him he will talk to you for hours on end. No matter how well you know each other. He will also turn out to be a great listener though, if you are someone he really cares about.

He has a soft spot for quiet people. He is great at noticing when someone feels out of place and will always go out of his way to make them feel comfortable.

He is a great cook, because he used to help his father make dinner for the family. In Night Raven College he enjoys exchanging recipes with Trey and learning more about baking too.

When his friends found out that he has a thing for beast men they started calling him a Furry. In the beginning it pissed him off, but at some point he just accepted it and started living his truth. ✊😼

In school he was always good at subjects that included discussion rounds. He just loves the satisfaction of someone having to give in and telling him that he‘s right in an argument. (The sass runs in his family, his sister is the same. Their arguments are intense, but very fun to watch.)

He is quite messy and bad at taking care of his things. His phone’s screens never last much longer than a few weeks before getting shattered completely.

Although he likes going out and talking to people he always needs some time to just exist, lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. (He likes it even better when theres someone just as quiet existing next to him.)

It’s easy for him to fall for people, so he sometimes ends up having several crushes at once. As soon as he starts to seriously like someone, he will only have eyes for this one person though.

He has a tendency to fall for people who are confident and have their life together. He strangely likes feeling intimitated by them.

His favorite Pokemon is Maushold:

(…ok this kinda turned out way longer than I expected lololol. Hope you don‘t mind!!😌💖)

[mondaymelon]

Please…… TAKE MY FUCKIN HAND IN MARRIAGE, UR MUSIC TASTE IS SO IMMACULATE

(I’m desperate pls……)

I’m also a telepath, so like 😼hit me up for a reading. (SHI BRO IDEK WHAT TELEPATH MEANS…) ima make nene My blog soon because I love her so much-🥰❤️

i...i'm... sorry... i can't accept this!! its not you, its me : (

( i seriously have past trauma /j with this LMAOOO someone asked for my hand in marriage in genshin after i told them my fave anime was violet evergarden and i agreed and we were a happy couple until the coop ended. and then. i messaged them. several times in the months afterwards. nooo response. zero response. its soo silent in here. PLEASE IVE SEEN THAT YOUVE BEEN ONLINE IN THE PAST 30 DAYS. I KNOW YOURE ALIVE> WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME. DO YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE WA A A. A H HHH hh )

woah we have ourselves a telepath?? so silly lmao here take my hand 👋 dunno if you can tell shit on a silly little emoji on a silly little screen but uhm try your best ig ?!

nene theme is going to EAT. i already know!! eek im so excitedddd!!!

[illumiera]

Hello, it's my turn to take a slide into your inbox with questions from the writer's asks! 💖

33, 35, 13, 70, 40!

from this 📖 ask game! 📖

ee, thank you so much for the ask, Gigi! 💖

13. what's a common writing tip you almost always follow?

here's where I give almost the exact same answer you did, and that's "write for yourself." when I started writing i fear no fate, I didn't think I'd have any readers besides the odd one or two, and I did expect to post it to a resounding silence or responses from people who didn't like the way I portrayed my characters—but ultimately, it was a story that was downright clawing its way out of me, so I resolved that I had to tell it all the same!

it's a very freeing thing, to think of how many similar ideas there are in the world and yet each author brings their own uniqueness to whatever tale they tell, so why not let your story speak for you? if your heart wants a certain thing to happen, why on earth not let it? 😼

33. do you want to be published some day?

I go back and forth on this one! I know the road to publishing can be a hassle and a half, and there will almost certainly be rejections to deal with, but I have the rough outline of an original story and some characters I'm rather fond of, even if they need more development. it's something to consider in the future, but for now, I love my fanfic playground!

35. what is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

for me, one thing I try to keep in mind with my villains is that they should have motivation for what they're doing. as fun as a character who's just evil for the hell of it can be, I like to consider what made them into the villain they are, what they want, how they plan to get it, and how the hero/heroes stand in their way. i fear no fate has a good few antagonists (several of whom we haven't properly met yet 👀) with varying motivations from knowledge and power, to keeping the world as it is, to fixing the world, to plain ol' revenge, and all of them have convinced themselves that they're doing the right thing!

40. if someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

ANYTHING AT ALL WOULD, AND DOES, MAKE ME GRIN, CRY, AND DANCE HAPPILY ABOUT THE PLACE FOR THE NEXT TWELVE BUSINESS DAYS, THEN REPEATEDLY COME BACK TO LOOK AT IT AND RESTART THE WHOLE PROCESS—

ahem. that said, if someone were to make fanart, I'd love to see something from that scene in chapter two where Miraak and Elentari are in the tent (h-o-l-d-i-n-g-h-a-n-d-s 👀), or something of their fight in chapter three, or of course, that kiss at the end of chapter four! or maybe even Ellie in full silvery Dragon Aspect standing up to Mora in chapter four, Miraak braiding his hair into the old Atmoran style for 'freedom' from the end of chapter six! 🥰

70. when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

in fandom spaces, I'm generally very enthusiastic about it, especially when fellow writer friends and I can ramble about our blorbos and plots together! outside of those spaces, though, I'm more of a private sort—but a few of my IRL friends who read fic themselves know that I write and, without any details, ask me how it's going and tell me about their writing endeavours. the mortifying ordeal of Showing Another Person Your Writing, huh?

(if they ever found my stuff, I'd be like, "okay, buckle up, buddy, next time I see you, you're receiving a one-hour long presentation about this story, don't worry about why all the exits will be barred, it's fine—")

[vaporvipermedia]

HI HI VIPER I HOPE UR DOING GOOD ‼️💕

I’m obsessed with the sirens and saw that interactions were open 😼

I’d love to see how Tomi-Grey and Grace(or rlly any of them) would interact!!

have a good day and tysm in advance 😽

Grace & Tomi-Grey Interaction

Ahhh tysm Jas! I’m glad so many people like The Sirens! It makes me inspired to work on them more. Including my other characters I need to get to.

Now onto Grace and Tomi-Grey!

When reading up on Tomi I couldn’t help but think that Grace would be intimidated by them. Not in a “Oh no she’s going to rip my head off” type of way. But in a “Oh no she’s too cool for me to stand next to” kind of way. 

Although all The Sirens can read minds, I feel like Grace would be able to sense people’s intentions well. So whenever she meets Tomi, she would pick up quickly that they don’t want to bring her any harm. The fact that Grace has encountered several apex predators in her past that gave her hell, but yet feels relaxed around one now at school just seems wholesome to me.

And since they’re work buddies at Monstro Lounge, Tomi can help out Grace whenever she’s tasked with dishes. Which is kind of a problem since this girl is accident prone. So, Tomi being there by her would be a great service to all the workers. 

While still on this co-worker topic, Grace would most definitely invite them to her tea break with her sisters. Probably tapping on her shoulder and mustering up the courage to talk to Tomi since she’s very quiet. “It would be nice if you joined my sisters and I…You don’t have to of course! PLEASE DON’T FEEL PRESSURED-“ and will continue to freak out from there.

But after that whole fiasco, Grace will be sipping happily out of her tea set that she hand picked herself for the occasion with Tomi being bombarded by The Siren’s chatty nature…Mostly Mitzy’s though. In that moment, I can just imagine that Grace is happy that she invited someone on her own without her sister’s help. Smiling to herself realizing that she’s achieved one of her goals, speaking up for herself. 

So really, Grace would be appreciative to Tomi for dealing with her all this time and just making her at peace. She’ll most definitely invite her to tea breaks again.

[nothingtolosebutweight]

Don't turn your back on me - 6. The sacrifice of hiding in a lie

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

| Pairing: Ivar x Heahmund | Words: ~7600 [AO3] | Masterpost | Warnings: The usual heartbreak and longing, oh and don't slip on the cheesiness at the end. | Notes: It took me forever to get back to those two, because my first draft was kind of lacking and so my motivation dropped and other stories took over. Then about a week ago I started all over again and had such a blast writing them again. Sometimes you just have to take some distance to fall in love again ;) I hope some of you still remember these two (three 😼) and what a mess I made for them. @vaire-gwir Thanks as so often for reading through the first drafts and ideas and taking the time to write sweet comments in my document. It always keeps the motivation high while writing ❤

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

With a smile on his face and a, "See you later." on his lips, Heahmund ended the call, shoved his cell phone back in his pocket, and tried to get back to work. Since he had arrived at his office about four hours ago, this had been the third call from Ivar.

He was still living with him, by now for almost two weeks. The time had passed frantically, as Heahmund found. They were so used to living together that his initial concern, that living with an ex might quickly become awkward, had not come true.

Instead, the opposite case had occurred. He felt better than before. Having someone around, besides Grace, felt refreshing. Heahmund enjoyed waking up in the morning and knowing that just one door away was someone who would spend the day with him. Someone who meant a lot to him, who made Heahmund feel alive and full of beans again, and who had brought laughter back into his everyday life, thus also the danger that permanent wrinkles would form because they had so much fun together. 

Unlike the worry lines on his forehead that scratched at his vanity, he would show off his permanent laughter lines with pride, and not feel remorseful about them.

Only sleeping on the couch was a bit of a downer. This, and along with it also the avoidance of too much intimacy, they had maintained.

They lived together like friends, at least that's what Heahmund regularly told himself, ignoring the fact that his body and his desires saw it quite differently. Having Ivar around all the time was as wonderful as it was a little torture, a constant test of his self-imposed celibacy.

Every time his eyes dipped too long into Ivar's sea-blue depths, he lost himself in the waves of affection that broke loose inside him, storming and shaking the safe haven he called friendship. He wanted to be as close to Ivar as possible, every time he surrendered to the magic of those eyes, wanted to hold him, caress him, whisper all the sweet things in his ear that he only dared to say in his mind.

It was maddening how often his gaze lingered on Ivar’s mouth, while they talked, wondering if kissing him would feel as heavenly as it had been. He longed to kiss him to get an answer to that tantalizing question. Sweet and innocent at first, savoring the first tender pleasure, while bedding himself in delight on those soft pillows. He wanted to feast on the sweet nectar of Ivar's rosy lips, devour them hotly and intimately after the first quenching of his thirst, plunder him until he could only gasp his surrender, bereft of all sanity.

Whenever Ivar ate something and licked his lips, memories of earlier blissful moments came up in Heahmund, which this tongue and mouth had given him. The worst for him was when Ivar carelessly - or certainly with ulterior motives - walked around the apartment half-naked. It had thrown him off guard the very first evening when Ivar had walked into the bathroom before him, wearing only his underwear. As much as he had wanted to keep a cool head, at that moment Heahmund couldn't keep his eyes from examining the desirable body as thoroughly as he could without Ivar noticing. This had happened several more times in the following days.

Heahmund simply didn't know what to do. His libido was on fire. Lust ran through his veins at the sight of Ivar and made his blood boil with desire. It made his thoughts drift into the wicked, releasing memories that shot straight to his loins, and not only once had it happened that his walk to the bathroom had taken a little longer than it would have without this previous torment.

If it had only been up to his desire, Heahmund would have long since thrown his misgivings and doubts about their future together overboard, would have grabbed Ivar to conquer him again, to snack on him as if he were his personal banquet. 

Ivar was like his own apple from the Garden of Eden, tempting, somehow forbidden by a self-imposed ban. 

Heahmund wasn’t sure if he would open his newfound paradise by giving in to his urges, or if this would be the first step into his personal hell again, as an inner voice always whispered to him in such seductive moments, wanting to warn him of the dangers that lurked in secret.

Heahmund also didn't want to make this agonizing decision about which path was right for them, dependent solely on his testosterone. That would be foolish. There was so much more to a relationship than being physically attracted to someone. That's why he felt safer lingering at this crossroads called friendship. He couldn't do anything wrong if he didn't take a step in one direction or the other. At least that's what he told himself in times of doubt or temptation.

Aside from his troubled hormones, everything else was great. They usually spent their days together, exploring some corners of the area so that Ivar could also see something of Ireland during his stay. They went out to eat at various restaurants, watched an old movie at the local theater, often just went for a walk, and enjoyed the beautiful nature that Heahmund's homeland had to offer.

Today, however, was the first day he had to leave Ivar alone in his apartment. Over the past few days, he had been able to work through his workload at home. Mostly two to three hours in the early morning, until they had found a plan for the day, and a bit in the evening, when they had made themselves comfortable in the living room. Today, though, his presence had been required in the office; there had been no way around it.

For Heahmund it was not strange that Ivar was now alone in his home. He trusted him, and after all, they had lived together just like that before. He had no secrets, and he didn't expect Ivar to use this time to snoop through his drawers now either.

Still, something was nagging at him, making him look up from his work again to glance at his phone, thoughtfully. All three calls from Ivar had quite a plausible reason, but the banality of the questions made them suspicious. It wouldn't have been a disadvantage if Ivar had asked him these things in the evening when he was back home. So there had to be another reason why Ivar had felt the need to call him straight away.

Heahmund didn't feel bothered or even controlled by it, but he was concerned. Something felt off. Therefore, he hurried with his tasks. Finished only the most necessary, so that he could pack his bag to go home an hour earlier than previously planned. Otherwise, he simply couldn't find peace and, along with it, the mental capacity to really focus on his work.

Outside, winter had returned with full force. The cold crept into his bones as soon as he stepped out of the office building, making him pull the collar of his coat tighter around his neck. Thick flakes had been falling from the sky since the early hours of the morning, covering the small streets in the Irish province in immaculate white. It was nothing unusual for late February, but it annoyed Heahmund that it took him a little longer to get home because of it. 

He voluntarily chose another delay when he stopped at an Asian restaurant to get something for them both to eat, not feeling like cooking today. The choice was easy for him, as he still knew Ivar's culinary preferences.

Shortly before he arrived home, he sent Ivar a short voice message to let him know that he would be back soon, and with something to eat on top of that. It wasn't long before he received a reply consisting of a happy-looking emoji and the words that Ivar was looking forward to it. Heahmund thought it was sweet, and he also missed him, strange as it may sound. He couldn't wait himself to dive back into their togetherness. It felt a little like they had been apart for months again, and not just a little more than six hours.

He had barely unlocked the door to his apartment when Heahmund found himself confronted with four eyes in which the joy over his return was clearly visible. It was definitely an amusing sight and also one he would like to get used to again. It was nice to come home and not just be greeted by a cat that first drew attention to the empty food bowl, complained about a dirty litter box in second place, and only at the last indicated with a small gesture that the human's presence was indeed appreciated.

"Hey," he greeted them both with a grin on his face as he closed the door behind him, already in the process of taking off his shoes and then placing them neatly with the others. Next, he took off his jacket, after he had put the food he had brought with him on the small dresser in the hallway.

Normally, he would have turned to Grace first to greet her with a gentle nuzzle so as not to upset her. The events of the day, however, caused him to reconsider this approach and Heahmund turned his attention to Ivar first. Without saying another word, he opened his arms in a welcoming gesture, and Ivar, who had apparently just been waiting for it, sank right into the offered embrace, nestling his head in the crock of Heahmund’s neck. 

Hugging was nothing new for them and nothing unusual for Heahmund either. Friends were also allowed to hug each other. It was a purely innocent gesture, and in a way, it served as an alibi for both of them to be close to each other without committing to a kind of relationship that one of them still shied away from. In an embrace, they could satisfy their need to feel each other skin on skin, enjoying the endorphins this gesture released in them.

Especially at this moment, it was more than needed. Heahmund sensed it clearly and therefore remained in his position longer than usual, holding Ivar close to him, rubbing in slow movements over his back to soothe him a bit. It was convenient for him, too. His body, tortured by the cold, enjoyed the warmth that passed from Ivar to him.

"Is everything all right?" Heahmund asked after a while, his lips resting close to Ivar's temple, brushing his skin while talking.

"Yes," Ivar said in a soft sigh. "Just give me one more minute."

"I'll give you two if you put the food on plates afterward while I quickly go to the bathroom."

Ivar nodded in agreement, but then realized that Heahmund probably couldn't really see that. He uttered a quick "Deal," before closing his eyes again to fully enjoy the embrace, restraining himself from brushing his lips over the skin in front of them. The urge was there, but as it had been all the time he'd been here, he tried to respect Heahmund's boundaries.

He didn't count to 120, so maybe Ivar even had a few seconds left when he broke free from the hug and smiled gratefully at Heahmund. To fulfill his part of the agreement, he grabbed the plastic bag with the food inside and made his way to the kitchen. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Heahmund lean down to pick Grace up to carry her in his arms on his way to the bathroom. Ivar couldn't suppress his jealousy when he witnessed Grace getting her little head kissed as well. It wasn’t fair in his opinion.

When Heahmund came back out of the bathroom, Ivar was still busy in the kitchen, just about to grab the cutlery. Heahmund's gaze wandered over to the adjoining living room, where the television was playing a movie he had already heard when he arrived. His bedspread, which lay on the couch during the day, was no longer neatly folded on the edge as he had left it this morning. Instead, it lay crumpled over the seating area, one corner folded back diagonally, indicating that Ivar had been lying on the couch snuggled up in his blanket until his return. A corner at the edge, with a smaller indentation, made him smile. Grace must have settled there because she also wanted a corner of his blanket for herself. Most likely, Ivar had not dared to withhold it from her.

In contrast to outside, where icy cold prevailed, a warming idyll filled his apartment, as Heahmund noticed when he took a moment to let everything around him sink in. This perception had nothing to do with the turned-up heating. It was something else that made him think that way. Something domestic. The thought crept in that together with Grace they could be something resembling a small family.

When he let his gaze slide back to Ivar, his belief was only further confirmed. His guest was in the process of retrieving two glasses from one of the upper kitchen cabinets. The soda he was going to drink during the meal he had already taken from the refrigerator. They were such mundane activities, but still, they triggered a feeling of comfort and coziness in Heahmund. Ivar no longer needed to ask where he kept certain items in his apartment. After more than two weeks, he knew where everything important was stored and took what he needed as if it belonged to him, too. It felt normal for them to share everything, as normal as it was for Heahmund to watch Ivar in his kitchen, handling things as if he had been living here for years already. It just felt right, not in any way out of place.

With a smile on his lips, which always formed automatically when he got lost in these thoughts, Heahmund went to the kitchen and took the two plates that were already on the kitchen sideboard to carry them to the living room. He didn't miss the opportunity to stroke briefly through Ivar's hair beforehand, which made the younger smile as well.

"Let's eat comfortably on the couch while we continue watching your movie. You'll just have to fill me in on what I've already missed."

"We can rewind. I wasn't paying that much attention anyway," Ivar replied, filling his glass with his chosen soda. He had been too busy with his cell phone, texting with Ubbe and his mother, with whom he was in daily contact. They were still worried about him, found the spontaneous trip more than questionable. In the meantime, he had told them the reason and also where he was, but this hadn't necessarily met with enthusiasm within his family and it hadn't made them worry any less. However, in the end, it was his life, therefore his decision, and it was already too late for objections anyway. Nevertheless, he had been able to reassure them a little that he was doing well, and in the few times they had facetimed with each other, it wasn't lost on them that he seemed happier again, that genuine euphoria and joy bubbled out of him when he spoke about the activities he had done that day together with Heahmund. 

"Okay, all the better. Oh, and can you please give Grace something to eat before we start?" This was their tactic to endear Ivar to her. Since the unfortunate incident in the middle of the night, Ivar had taken over the feeding and it seemed to have at least the effect that Grace didn't want to spoil it with him. They hadn't become the best of friends yet, but they lived peacefully side by side. Otherwise, Heahmund wouldn’t have left them alone together.

"Of course. I've thought about that, too. And what about you? Do you want water with your meal as usual?"

“That would be great. Thanks,” my love. The old pet name was so often on the tip of his tongue, and it was not the first time that it had almost slipped out. Heahmund's heart wanted to say it, it felt natural to him, but his mind kept resisting, not wanting to say those two simple words, after all, they were too revealing.

Less than two minutes later, they were sitting together on the couch. Each of them in a corner, with part of the blanket over their legs and a plate on their lap. Their legs were side by side, touching, and apart from the noise of the TV, they ate their first bites in silence. Grace had settled on the backrest next to Heahmund's head, closely watching every bite he brought to his mouth, hoping that something would soon fall down for her to grab.

"Don't you like it?" Heahmund asked after seeing Ivar just poke at his food a few times without bringing the fork to his mouth.

"What?" Ivar looked up in confusion, torn from his thoughts.

Heahmund gestures with a nod to Ivar's lap: "Your food. Would you like me to prepare something else for you? I thought I couldn't go wrong ordering the crispy duck for you. Wasn't that always your first choice when eating Asian food?"

"Yes, you're right about that." Ivar looked up and smiled fondly. It always made his heart beat faster whenever Heahmund remembered something so simple about him. "It tastes good, that's not it. I just kind of don't have much of an appetite today."

Heahmund nodded in understanding and kept his gaze fixed on Ivar, looking at him thoughtfully. "Do you have something on your mind you'd like to talk about?" He reached for the remote control and turned down the volume a bit as a precaution.

"No. I'm fine. I just... I don't know, but I think it's time for me to look for flights back home and I'm not sure what to make of it. That's all." Ivar returned his gaze to his plate, stabbed a strip of meat with his fork and listlessly brought the bite to his mouth.

Heahmund was surprised that Ivar was thinking about this topic again and took a moment to collect his thoughts. During his stay, they had already brought up this subject several times, always to make sure that they were both still satisfied with their current situation. The result each time was that they both enjoyed their time together and that they would like to continue it for a while longer. What also kept surfacing in these conversations was that it was important to Ivar that he wouldn't bother him. Heahmund knew this and made it clear again and again that this was not the case. 

“Do you want to go home or do you just think you have to?” Heahmund assumed that Ivar just needed another confirmation that he was welcome to stay longer, that there was no reason for him to leave yet. Therefore, he asked his question rather casually, firmly expecting that the issue would be settled in two minutes.

“Both, I think?” Ivar wasn’t so sure himself, making it sound like a question rather than an answer.

“Why do you want to go home? What is the main reason behind it?” It was hard for him to imagine that Ivar was homesick out of the blue, and secretly Heahmund himself had suppressed the thought that one day the day would come when they would part ways again. Even if not forever. Still, he felt uncomfortable with the thought.

Ivar put his fork on his plate and placed it back on the table. He didn't want to force himself to keep eating if he didn't feel like it. He pulled a little on the blanket to raise it higher without depriving Heahmund of too much of it, and also pulled his legs a little to his body to get more comfortable.

"I can't be on vacation forever. Even though my studies don't start again until fall, maybe I should do something useful with my time until then. Besides, it might not be fair to my family. They worry, although not as much as they did in the beginning, but still ... I've never been away for so long. Besides, Ubbe's birthday is coming up and I think I should spend the day together with him after all he's done for me. I also miss my piano. It's little things like that which pile up, you know."

"Okay. Yeah, I think I get that." Heahmund said, not very successful at hiding the fact that he wasn't very enthusiastic about it. He also set his plate aside now, suddenly deprived of his appetite. "But is that really all?" He had the feeling that there was something else bubbling under the surface.

Ivar only shrugged his shoulders and avoided eye contact at all costs, which only confirmed Heahmund's suspicions.

"Do I have to make us tea first for you to be honest with me?" Heahmund said, earning a strained smile from Ivar.

It had become routine for them to sit down together at the kitchen table at Heahmund's usual tea time and for one of them to begin with a topic that was on his mind. In the beginning, Ivar in particular had made the start, had brought up on his own some points for which he still wanted to apologize or talk about. Later, Heahmund had also gotten things off his chest that continued to weigh on him, such as his escape into alcoholism, for which he was still ashamed; his perceived inability to be a suitable partner for Ivar since he had not been able to support him; and also the self-reproaches regarding his departure had been the basis for these conversations.

It was partly more painful than cat bites to open these old wounds, but it had to be done. Both felt the enrichment that this sincerity brought to them. They had gotten to know each other all over again on a deeper level, had revealed themselves to the other in their most hurtful form, and had subsequently treated their wounds together.

For this reason, Ivar wanted to keep this newly established trust in each other alive. He shook his head to decline the offer of tea. It would be doable without. It wasn't that he wanted to keep anything secret from Heahmund, he just found it difficult to express his thoughts today, to put them into words that somehow made sense.

"Today has been a strange day in general. I'm quite emotional and confused," Ivar said, laughing as if it were a half-joke.

That this was not the case, Heahmund could see by looking at Ivar. He could tell from his uncertain posture that his laughter was simply a nervous gesture. "Does it have anything to do with the calls?"

"Did I annoy you with that?"

"No you didn't, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it, that the questions you had were merely a pretense?"

Ivar smiled weakly, feeling caught again. "You know me too well. It's scary, but yeah. I'm guilty of that charge." 

He reached for his soda-filled glass and took a sip, once again trying to sort through his thoughts, pondering how he should say what was on his mind, what made him emotional today. 

Heahmund waited patiently, knowing that he didn't have to ask any questions now, that Ivar would continue talking of his own accord as soon as he felt ready.

"I think I had some kind of panic attack today. Not in the way that I was hyperventilating or anything, but I was pacing through the rooms and I couldn't think straight. My thoughts were haunting me and I was just.... scared I think."

Heahmund bent forward a little and stretched out his hand so that he could reach Ivar's. He clasped it gently, wanting to give him a feeling of hold and support. "What frightened you?" he asked in a gentle tone.

"That you weren't here." Ivar returned the gesture, increasing the pressure of their touching hands for a moment. He chuckled again briefly as if he couldn't take himself seriously because he felt the way he did. "I couldn't stop thinking that maybe you didn't have to be at work. That it was just an excuse."

"Why would I have lied about that?" Heahmund asked in wonder, not comprehending how Ivar could come up with such things.

Ivar sighed deeply and then began to tell what had been going on inside him. "I thought you would use this excuse to get away from here, to start a new life somewhere else again. The first time I called you was to check if your number was still working or more, if you would answer your cell phone when you see that I'm the one calling. The second time I just wanted to make sure I couldn't hear any noise in the background like at the airport or a train station, and the third one was just another needed reassurance that you were still taking my calls." He grew quieter as he revealed more and more of the thoughts that had plagued him during the day.

“Ivar…” Heahmund said softly, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. Before he could continue, Ivar spoke up again.

"And you know... In the end, I helped myself get rid of that fear by reminding myself that there's no way you would leave Grace behind here. Because her, you love."

It felt like a dagger in Heahmund's heart. It hurt deeply to hear those words and to imagine how Ivar must have suffered during his absence. It was obvious where this fear came from, what triggered these thoughts, and a new wave of self-hatred rolled over him. He had never wanted his behavior to have such an effect on the person he wanted to see smiling broadly with happiness every second of his life. He lacked breath as well as the words that could express what he was feeling right now, or which could possibly ease Ivar's deep-rooted fear, as well as the underlying accusation that he didn't love him as much back then as he loved his cat.

"This is embarrassing, isn't it?" Ivar asked meekly as he disengaged their hands from each other to fiddle with the end of the blanket instead, needing something to occupy himself.

"It isn't. It's understandable that this fear lives in you. I wish I could take it away, I really do, but all I can do is tell you that this will never happen again. You've learned your lesson, I've learned mine, and I certainly won't be such a coward again."

Ivar looked at him in silence for a moment.

"This panic, insecurity. Whatever it was. It made me think. Somehow I also feel trapped here. Lost in a spider's web of illusions. I have what I missed so much back in my life," Ivar pointed at Heahmund as if it wasn't clear what he meant by that, "but it feels like it's within my reach, but still not tangible, somehow still out of my grasp, even though I can see it right in front of me. It feels like we're living in a lie here." Ivar looked at the TV, focusing on what was happening there for a few scenes so as not to have to see Heahmund's hurt expression, which had appeared on his face while he was speaking.

"Is that what you think? That we're living a lie?"

"Let me ask you a question,” Ivar said while turning his head back to his counterpart. “What are we Heahmund? To each other I mean?"

"We are friends," Heahmund answered without thinking about it for too long. It was what he had been saying to himself inwardly for days, not really convinced of his answer himself. It sounded so wrong even to him.

"See, there's your lie. We're not just friends," Ivar countered firmly, gesturing wildly with his hands to vent his frustration. "And you know that, too. Why are you so stubborn and adamant about continuing to lie to yourself?"

"It's complicated."

"Because you make it that way. Basically, it's very simple."

"Is it?"

"Yes, it is! At the end of the day, you just have to listen to what your heart tells you. It’s as simple as that."

Heahmund let out a pained laugh that turned into a sigh, rolling his eyes at the naïve-sounding advice. It seemed so simple what Ivar said, but in reality, it turned out not to be. "The heart isn't always a reliable source, Ivar. It has a very large blind spot and is completely impervious to reason anyway. I've answered the question, which is probably between the lines here, before and my answer would still be the same if you asked me directly again."

"That was weeks ago. Has really nothing changed for you since then?"

Actually, it was two weeks ago since they had had tea together and Ivar had thrown him off track with a simple question to which there was still no simple answer.

"Heahmund. Do you still love me?"

If he had taken a sip of tea beforehand, he most likely would have choked right on it. He had secretly already somehow expected this question, but by no means so straightforwardly. Heahmund felt under spotlight, like in an interrogation.

What was the right way to answer such a question? Heahmund already had no real answer to that one and the piercing look he was confronted with didn't make his nervousness any better. He thought hard about his reply, looking into his cup, watching the movement of the liquid as he swirled it as if he could read within what would now be the right thing to do.

"Of course, I still care about you," he finally said without looking up from his cup. It felt strange to say those words directly into Ivar's face, so he tried to avoid it. "I loved you deeply back then and such feelings do not simply fizzle out. To have you back in my life now, so surprisingly above all, has completely thrown me off course. Honestly, I don't know what to make of it. When I look at you, I still see my Ivar. The wonderful person I fell in love with. I see all the externals I was attracted to…,” As if to make sure once again, he now raised his gaze to look at his guest, “and isn't it unfair that you've become even more handsome in the meantime?” He tried to lighten the mood, which had become too serious for his liking, with a witty quip

It made Ivar smile half-heartedly. "I could say the same thing about you."

Heahmund just puffed in amusement, took another sip of his tea, and rearranged the words that followed in his head so that they wouldn't sound too hurtful.

"But apart from those things, I can still see you, staying in front of me with your face contorted in anger and your fist ready to strike. That memory is not erased either and I can still clearly remember why I needed that separation. I do believe you are truly sorry about it, but this doesn't make it go away."

"I am," Ivar affirmed once again, never tiring of reiterating this.

"I know. As I said, I believe you, but I,...I just…" Heahmund shook his head, ran the flat of his hand over his face in frustration over his lack of words, and tried again to continue his answer. "All I can say is, yes, I am still drawn to you, but do those feelings have any real substance or am I just holding on to better memories? I really don't know, Ivar. It's too early to answer your question honestly. It's too early to really know if things have really changed. If there still is a you and me. We both are different people now. The Heahmund you knew isn't the same you look at right now. Can you still honestly say that your feelings towards me are real?"

“I can. I still feel the same being near to you. Nothing has changed in that regard.” Ivar nodded in addition, as if to give his words more emphasis. For him there was no doubt that his feelings were based on a solid foundation.

"But can you say with certainty that you're not just chasing a fond memory? How can you be so sure?" Heahmund couldn't deny that he was a little envious that it seemed to be so easy for Ivar. He wished he could be as firm in his opinion.

"Because I listen to my heart. There is no simpler explanation than that."

Heahmund thought back to that conversation and tried to remember what he had said, what they had discussed further during the conversation, always respectful in their exchanges.

"I wouldn't say that nothing has changed. You know as well as I do that we've grown closer. Still, to answer your question in your favor, I just need more time. I don't want to rush into anything I'm not ready for with full conviction." 

Ivar nodded as a sign of his understanding. Even though it was hard for him and he wished otherwise, he could understand Heahmund's point of view. "Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to blackmail you either. I like it here. I enjoy it when we do things together. It's already so much more than I dared to wish for when I came here, and I don't want to be greedy, but somehow it's not enough for me.” This time Ivar reached for his beloved's hand, playing with his fingers. "I want you by my side, not just as a friend. You are so much more to me, Heahmund. Sleeping in separate beds is bullshit. I don't want to hold back when I want to kiss you either. I want the whole of you, and I think you feel the same way about me, too. You don't look at me the way you look at a friend. I am not blind, min kære. Neither on my eyes, nor in my heart.” 

Unlike Heahmund, who had slumped noticeably during the monologue, Ivar had no problem openly proclaiming the love that was still simmering inside him and resurfacing the old pet name he had so often used for his beloved in the past.

"I know," Heahmund whispered. "I can only thank you again for your candor. I appreciate you being so blunt and honest with me, and as I've said so many times before, I'm proud of how far you've come in terms of expressing yourself, but I for myself just can't give you any other answer right now."

It was on the tip of Ivar's tongue to point out to Heahmund that he had just said that he didn't want to be a coward anymore, yet he was just taking refuge in this role again. He changed his mind though, not wanting to push his beloved into something he couldn't or refused to decide yet.

"I can give you the time you need to find your answer, but not while I'm here. It's driving me nuts. Maybe it's better if we think about our situation while we're alone, with some distance, so we...you don't get distracted by the comfort which this lived lie provides you."

They were harsh words, but Heahmund realized that he deserved them. It was not fair to stall Ivar. "I won't stop you if you want to go home. Contrary to your feeling, you aren't a prisoner here. Do I want you to leave? No. Do I understand your reasons? Absolutely. So if you're comfortable with that decision, let's look for a flight. At my expense this time."

Heahmund had been looking forward to a pleasant evening, but the fact that he would be looking for a flight in a few minutes that would separate him from Ivar again didn't fit his wishful thinking at all. He tried not to let it show, even during the remaining days, but he was not happy at all with how the events had unfolded.

ლლლლლლლლლლლლ

It was hectic at the airport. Snatches of noise from other groups of people reached them from everywhere, drowned out only by the loud announcements of the various airlines.

They had made themselves comfortable on the floor away from the hustle and bustle and waited for the last possible moment until Ivar had to go through safety control and thus their paths would separate again for a while.

Although this time they knew that their togetherness would come to an end physically, but they would stay in touch via modern communication channels, they both found it difficult to hide their sadness about it. Neither of them felt like talking. Since the morning, there had been a strangely depressed mood between them that refused to go away.

With banal small talk they tried now and then to break the silence between them, but each attempt ended after a few exchanged words to renewed silence. The mood simply couldn't be lightened.

They just sat there, staring at random people, things, or whatever captivated their unfocused gaze, wondering what else there was to say. At some point, Heahmund put his arm around Ivar's shoulders, whereupon he lowered his head sideways against Heahmund's shoulder. Basically, they didn't need to say anything out loud. They understood each other that way.

"I have to go now," Ivar said after a while, looking at the big clock on one of the walls. It was time for him to grab his things and go through the security check.

They both got up sluggishly, gathered their things together, and came to a stop once more, standing opposite each other. Their eyes rested on one another, studying their respective features, deeply memorizing everything once again, unwilling to let even the smallest detail fade into oblivion.

"Have a safe flight and call me when you arrive back home. Promise me, okay?" Heahmund gave in to his urge to hug Ivar one more time. The thought of returning to an empty apartment, except for Grace, made him uncomfortable. With every second that passed, this thought became a bitter reality, so he felt the need to get as much physical contact as he possibly could, to replenish his reservoir from which he would be able to nurture himself in hard times of longing.

"I will," Ivar said curtly, not feeling like talking at the moment. He had a thick lump in his throat that made speaking too difficult. Every additional word carried the risk that he would burst into tears, no longer able to stem the raging torrent that was trying to force its way through the dam he had constructed inside him. When he broke away from Heahmund's embrace a little and looked him in the face again, it only made the whole thing worse. Heahmund's eyes were watery. He, too, seemed to be struggling to hold back his emotions, to keep himself under control.

Ivar felt a hand on his lower back, felt it pressing him closer to the body in front of him, which at that moment was radiating intense heat. He perceived another touch in his hair, felt fingers gently combing through it until a warm palm came to rest on his cheek. Ivar lifted his gaze, looked into Heahmund's face, sought eye contact, which was denied him as the focus of the ice-blue eyes was on his lips. It surprised him, left him baffled.

Heahmund's intention was clear. 

Ivar felt the excitement in the pit of his stomach, felt the sounds around them fade away. The air grew thicker, as if before a thunderstorm. He could literally taste the tension between them on his lips, hear the sizzle with which it tried to discharge. He had longed so much for this moment, and yet Ivar raised his hand and pressed his index finger against Heahmund's lips as his beloved tilted his head and came closer in an attempt to bridge the distance between their mouths, already in the process of closing his eyes.

"Don't do this to me. Why now?" Ivar whispered, not sure if he should be proud of himself for speaking his mind, or if he should hate himself for denying himself the bittersweet torture. And torture it certainly would be. Being kissed only to be separated again would only bring him new heartache. He slammed his fist twice gently against Heahmund's chest, frustrated at the turn of events and that his lover hadn't been able to find his courage sooner. As soon as he realized what he was doing, he stopped and instead placed his palm flat over the spot. This made him feel Heahmund's heartbeat, which was beating strongly.

Heahmund paused in his movement as soon as he felt the finger against his mouth. Ashamed, he took refuge in another embrace, pressed Ivar's head against his collarbone, and rested his chin on the soft mop of hair, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "I'm sorry," he said in a faint voice, apologizing not only for the present situation. He placed a kiss on Ivar’s hair instead, inwardly scolding himself for realizing only now, at the moment of impending loss, what a fool he had been.

"I just don't want our first kiss to be a goodbye, you know," Ivar murmured against the body he was pressed to, trying to explain his reasons. He wanted to make sure it was clear that it wasn't the kiss itself that he didn't want, although that had probably been clear ever since he stood outside Heahmund's door.

Heahmund removed his hand, which held Ivar close against him, and instead placed two fingers under his chin. Gently he lifted it, now brave enough to face the raging of the deep blue sea, risking the danger of drowning in it. "Then let me kiss you twice. The first one will be a promise, the second only a temporary farewell."

Ivar could already feel Heahmund's breath brushing against his lips as they unconsciously drew closer and closer again. His hand, in which he had been holding his luggage, lost its grip on it and let the backpack slide carelessly to the ground before clinging to the back of Heahmund's neck, pressing him closer. "Promise me this is forever," he said timidly, speaking in a soft, slightly shaky voice.

This was enough to serve as permission for Heahmund. Instead of verbalizing it, he bridged the last remaining distance and let the delicate movements of his lips speak for him. He put his promise in that kiss that from now on he would listen to his heart, that he would no longer doubt their love and would put his trust in Ivar's change. Heahmund didn't want to be a coward anymore. Instead, he wanted to throw himself headlong into this newly awakened intoxication that made him drunk with happiness.

It took only the first gossamer touch of her lips, the first taste, the first perceptible delighted sigh out of Ivar's mouth and Heahmund was lost in the maelstrom of his suppressed feelings. Suppressed for so long, they now fought their way to the surface with all their might, letting him deepen the kiss without thinking of his surroundings. The only thing that really mattered was standing in front of him, returning the kiss in a sensual way.

The kiss was powerful. Not in the sense of physical force, although Ivar certainly felt knocked over, but in the sense of emotional intensity. They clung to each other, goading each other on, again and again, striving for no end to their intimate touch.

Ivar was the one who broke the kiss, taking shaky breaths and trying to get a stronger grip on Heahmund's upper arms to stabilize himself. He felt weak in the knees, about to faint from fluster. Deep red adorned his cheeks and lips.

"I don't want to, now more than ever, but I really have to go now," Ivar said quietly after taking another look at the clock in front of him. It was cruel that time didn't just stop for a while so they could enjoy their newfound connection.

To keep his first promise, Heahmund once again bridged the distance and kissed Ivar again. This time as a farewell, but nevertheless no less affectionately. 

As they ran out of air and time loomed even more ominously on their necks, Heahmund loosened his hold around Ivar, which had strengthened again during the last few seconds. Not wanting to lose all contact at once, he reached for Ivar's hand and squeezed it gently, not wanting to let him go. Even when Ivar took two small steps back, Heahmund gently held on to their connection until only their fingertips were touching.

"Call me when you arrive, my love," Heahmund said aloud, no longer afraid to let his heart speak.

As a reward, he got a sincere smile from Ivar. "I will, min kære.” Heaving a sigh, Ivar took another step back, breaking their connection entirely. Without another word, he turned and headed for the security checkpoint. He didn't look back, not wanting to make it any harder on himself.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

There is one more chapter, and after that, the two of them can get off their emotional roller coaster ride.

@youbloodymadgenius @istorkyou @ivarlover