#she gets radicalized yknow

[kingpains]

dr1 designs pt. 2

[wabblebees]

thought id update to say; i survived opening night!!! and not only that, it went REALLY fucking well, and people seemed to REALLY REALLY like it omfg... god this is so crazy

[rodrickheffley]

got to the part in my anth of food class where obesity is brought up 😬

[f1rewalk3r]

since apparently this is what i’m known for: What Motorcycle I think each member of the PRT ENE would ride:

Armsmaster: Canonically rides a “souped up motorcycle.” obviously this means tinkertech in the parahumans world, but in the biker world this means egregious, stupid custom. so i’m giving him a fat tire Harley Davidson VROD. an ugly bike with an ego for a silly man with an ego

now what do you get when you cross the most reliable, unkillable dual sport of all time with a diesel engine? you get the Kawasaki KLR-650 HDT, the M1030-M1, a finicky monster used by the US military. perfect for the unkillable Miss Militia, a connoisseur of finicky military equipment. it can go anywhere and use anything for fuel, but it was literally designed to run on jet fuel.

Velocity’s a speedster right? so obviously he’s gonna get an ultra fast liter bike, super sport, 200hp, etc. WRONG. you fucking idiot. you fucking moron. personally i don’t subscribe to grimdumb f(c?)anon that he perceives real time when he’s speeding. that’s stupid cape design imo. he can go fast as his heart desires with his power. yknow what he can’t do with his power? rip up the fucking motorcross track, doing flips and jumps and shit. radical, man. so he gets a two-stoke ripper, the Yamaha YZ-250.

Battery, on the other hand, is a girlboss who needs to get stress relief via a supersport liter bike. she’s dealing with assault all day, can you blame her? so she’s getting the Honda CBR1000RR-Fireblade. liquid cooled, 999cc, inline four, with a top speed of 190mph it really doesn’t get much faster than this, folks.

now if you take the dual sport Kawasaki, give it the suspension of the Yamaha motorcross, but the tires and street performance of the supersport, you get the Supermotard class of bikes. the crackhead hooligans of the bike community, these are the bikes that are doing wheelies in residential areas, jumping over that grassy hill near your office building, and squealing around corners as the back end slips out. can you tell i have a favorite type of bike. now, who’s our resident crackhead of the protectorate? why, Assault, of course! So he’s getting the king of supermotos (and the bike i will probably be purchasing in may), a Suzuki DRZ-400SM

loud, annoying, and entitled Triumph gets the Harley Davidson Softtail, the bike of choice for obnoxious wannabe hell’s angels, the bike of choice for your balding 50yr old dad, or for the kid who wants so badly to be relevant and accepted amongst the boomers he calls friends. idk where Triumph fits into this its kinda just a vibe yk he’s a nepo baby, he gets a harley

and finally. the perfect bike for those with mobility issues/those concerned about safety due to preexisting medical conditions, Director Piggot gets a Harley Davidson Trike and she fucking slays on it, understand? girl power.

i forgot dauntless because he’s boring so he gets a boring adventure bike for boring losers. BMW F650GS. fuck you dauntless you dont even get a fun big BMW you get the heavy underpowered one. go to hell 🖕

[luluwquidprocrow]

like a row of captured ghosts

kit snicket

teen

2,568 words

Kit Snicket visits a house in the city.

for @asouefanworkevent's woevember day 2, the baudelaire mansion! featuring my enduring headcanon that the baudelaire mansion was previously the snicket mansion, and b+b get it when they marry lemony. i am 100% willing to admit it is Unlikely, however let us not forget kit saying “our families have always been close”, so, yknow

title from welcome home by radical face

Kit could get in if she wanted. She’d been given lockpicks expressly for the purpose, because the locks on the house were special, but she didn’t need them. She knew the statue in the back of the garden had a hairline crack in one of the hands – she didn’t remember which one, but it wasn’t as if there were many options – that, when pressure was applied, opened a brick in the patio. Under the brick was a lever. If one were to pull the lever, the little window in the hidden attic opened, roof shingles shifting out of the way, and one could wiggle themselves in, with enough effort. Her grandfather had put a number of clever little secrets in the house, and Kit had gone looking for them when she was very, very young, so she knew a decent amount of them. Few others did. 

(The lockpicks confirmed that. If they thought that was the only way someone could get into the house, Kit was not going to correct them. And there were worse things, weren’t there, than simple theft, things for which no real defense existed.) 

Night air bit at her ankles, her fingers, her neck. She wasn’t dressed nearly warm enough for November, having grabbed her blue spring jacket in her hurry, but the cold was of little concern to her. The mansion stood across the street, set back from the road, with that winding brick path up to the front doors, the maple trees scattering their leaves around the yard. It was in the heart of the city but in a place one would never know unless explicitly looked for – a turn off an erroneously marked dead end, then another, to an old avenue along a river with more trees than houses. Her grandparents had picked it on purpose. Presumably safe, but close enough. 

They had added to the windows. Neat, decorative ironwork, curled into hearts and vines. 

Kit put her hands in her pockets and crossed the street, her footsteps the only noise. 

The fence out front had been replaced as well. Kit’s grandmother had done most of the architecture, and Bernadette Snicket had favored a simplistic, practical style in her work, but the new fence matched the intricacy of the window grates. That just-too-big space in the bars a person could slide themselves through if they desired, that Kit had, years ago, when she’d – that was gone. Kit walked the length of the fence twice, considering. She couldn’t linger long. There was a light on in a downstairs window, glowing soft behind the drawn curtains. Kit could not put it past them to eventually see her. She walked down the sidewalk one more time, picking up her pace. There was no way around the fence. Climbing over it didn’t seem like an option. The points at the top of each iron bar looked sharp, glinting in a stray hit of light from the streetlamp over near Kit’s car. 

(Kit wondered how much was a choice – how much was a needed decision – how much was meant to erase. She couldn’t judge Beatrice and Bertrand for that. Not without damning herself, which Kit was not, overall, in the habit of doing.) 

Of course there was a sewer grate nearby, and of course Kit pushed it up soundlessly and slipped down inside. 

Her grandfather had three boxes – one Kit had already taken some years ago and given to Bertrand, for reasons better left unsaid. One had been given to Lemony. The third was still in the house and held a very specific map of the city. Headquarters wanted it, among other things. And if Kit came across one of those other things, she was at her liberty to take them. 

(She and Beatrice had argued, Kit remembered. The sewer was dark and icy, and Kit shivered hard, grinding her teeth together. They’d argued about those other things, and Kit had not been able to give Beatrice, or herself, a satisfactory answer. It was one of the last conversations they had, if not the last. Most likely the last, if Kit was honest. Beatrice had made it clear where she and Bertrand stood, and where Kit stood, and that it was no longer in the same place. And it never would be. 

Kit told herself over and over that she would never do it. There would always be another option, as long as Beatrice and Bertrand were alive to emphatically refuse. Right now, there was this option – Kit was going into the house. She was taking the box back. Nothing else. And the box wasn’t even going to headquarters. There were other plans for that box.) 

The box would be in the downstairs office, under a floorboard. Probably Bertrand’s office. The windows were one of the ones her grandmother had put the stained glass in, and shards of blue fell over the green floor when the sun sat just right in the sky. It was a good room for thinking, and Bertrand likely did a great deal of it there. Kit swallowed and hurried further through the sewers, past the names that didn’t matter, and started scanning the curved ceiling. If one knew where to look, there was a sloped hatch up there that led up into the passage between the house and 667 Dark Avenue. Kit would open the hatch, get inside, go into the house, and then leave the same way. And there it was. Tucked in a shadow, just waiting for her. Kit reached up for the wheel, ready to heave the door open. It was going to stick with so little use. 

The wheel turned easy under her hands. 

Kit jerked back, her whole body seizing up. Someone had been here. Someone who was not her. Someone who wasn’t just checking. Kit spun the wheel frantically and the hatch fell open. 

(She’d brought Olaf here. Her grandparents hadn’t cared who knew the location of their house, but their generation had been different, and Kit’s parents had stressed, when they could, the importance of keeping this secret. Her associates thought it was a safehouse, one they could never quite find the location of, and wrote off as another ruse. She’d driven Olaf, pointing out landmarks the whole way, because she’d thought – 

Kit was not foolish enough to think she’d get married. But Olaf was important to her, and she was foolish enough to think he’d stay important, and that when Lemony inevitably married Beatrice and they took the house, Olaf would be there too.

They crept in through the fence. Olaf chased her around the maple trees. Kit took him into the house through the font doors and showed him what her grandparents built. And he understood what the Snicket mansion meant, in the way he had to understand what the Count’s mansion meant. Some time later, Kit realized he had not. 

Olaf’s memory was shit, except where it mattered. Except in the things she wanted him to forget. He’d remember where this house was and it was only a matter of time before he – before anyone – got their hands on the Baudelaires.)

Kit hoisted herself up into the passageway. She tugged the hatch closed behind her, then felt around in the black for the dip in the center. Her fingers kept slipping, shaking, pushing into metal that wasn’t right, nicking her nails, her heart thudding faster and faster in her chest and rising to a crash in her ears – where was it? There. She found the button and jammed her thumb into it. The metal hissed as it sealed from the inside. It wasn’t enough, Kit knew. Nothing would ever be enough now. But it would have to do. 

She ran along the passageway, keeping one hand on the wall. It came to an abrupt end, and Kit had her hand ready to pull open the trap door into the office when her mouth went dry. She swallowed, and then did it again. Once more. She let the trap door fall open and climbed into the Baudelaire mansion. 

The office was dark, as expected. Bertrand kept his desk by the windows, because of course he would. Not because Kit’s grandfather had, but because Bertrand would obviously like the view. The bookcases still lined the walls, but the books must surely be different. Kit wondered what he kept there, but there was no time to get into it. She could see the strip of light hovering under the door. It was poetry, probably. He probably kept poetry. Fairy tales he read to his children. The chair at his desk was different than the one her grandfather had there, perfect for sitting in and telling stories. She turned and faced the wall.

The floorboard was in the far left corner, at the front of the room. Kit moved slowly, quietly, barely breathing. Bertrand had covered the whole floor with a thick, heavy carpet, so at least that was in her favor. She bent down, tugging the corner of the carpet up, and lifted the single loose floorboard. 

(She always wound up doing this, she thought, in a voice that sounded stunningly like Lemony’s, wry as he ever was. Sneaking into someplace to steal something important. At least now she had experience.) 

There it was. Just as it had always been, another secret waiting for its time. The small, jeweled box with the complicated lock with the code her grandfather had taught all three of them. Kit tucked it inside her jacket and replaced the floorboard. 

It hit her like a shot, her breath catching in her throat. The sewer hatch locked only from the inside. She couldn’t go back that way. She whirled around, clutching the lump in her jacket to her chest. The best way to leave – the closest way out – that was through the library, two rooms down, through the passageway in the wall and up to the hidden attic. But that meant leaving the room. Standing in the hallway. Walking to the library, unseen. 

(She did not have experience. That voice sounded like Jacques, if Jacques had ever been so straightforward in his disappointment. She had to get out of this house before she kept thinking.)

Kit waited. Listened. She couldn’t hear anything from here in the office. She went through the map of the ground floor in her head, the foyer at the front, into the parlor, the living room to the left, the kitchen to the back, the dining room to the right – the hallway behind the kitchen, with the office, the billiard room, the library. The left wall in the library, where the hidden door was. Conceivably, it was easy. Wasn’t it? 

She turned the door handle and left the office. 

The hallway was half-lit from the living room at the end of the hall. Now she could hear the phonograph, playing a jazz record she didn’t recognize. Beatrice and Bertrand had to be in there, and it was right across from the library. Unless they were in the library. Unless they were – Kit gave herself a shake. She wouldn’t know anything until she moved. She just had to move. She just had to move. Kit just had to move. 

She couldn’t see the green floors. Beatrice and Bertrand had rugs everywhere, in elegant red and ivory. Kit tiptoed over it, hesitating. Paintings hung in groups down the hallway, flowers and little portraits and framed children’s drawings, scribbles of the garden hung with the same care as the art. They must be Violet’s. The jazz record kept going. Kit’s grandmother had liked oil paintings of flowers. She’d had a few in the hallway herself in her time. 

(Katherine, Bernadette Snicket had said. 

No, Kit insisted. How old was she then? Four? Just Kit. And her grandmother had looked pleased, like Kit had passed a test. Everything was a test and always had been, tests she’d completed perfectly, and why did it hurt? How far had Kit gone down the hall? The box sat against her ribs like another heart, heavy. Everything ached, especially her jaw, clenched shut like her life depended on it. And it did. This life around her she wasn’t a part of anymore, this family, this safety, Kit’s life existing outside of this place, everything depended on Kit, on her walking out of here alone, back to her apartment. The whole series of events spooled out in front of her as a nightmare unraveling. Was she crying? Why was she crying?)

Kit took another step, then another. The library was one foot away on the right, a mile away, mere inches, an eternity. The passthrough to the living room on her left gaped open.

Bertrand hummed a bar of the jazz record. And then – 

“What’ve you got there?”

Kit froze.

“I knew I left it somewhere in here – ha! That book I was looking for, for Violet and Klaus.”

“You really want to do the cob, don’t you?” The smile was clear in his voice, and Kit pictured Bertrand leaning forward in his chair, his hand on his chin, gazing at Beatrice and bursting with delight. 

“I absolutely do! I get to do a fake death scene and everything. How many kids books are going to give me that kind of opportunity, Bertrand?” 

They were alone. Their voices were far enough into the room that they shouldn’t see her at the doorway. They joked like she remembered, exactly like she remembered. Did they joke like that with their children? Would they have joked like that with Lemony, here, like they used to? With her? Would Olaf have – would her grandparents – wasn’t Kit supposed to be here too, not because it was hers, that wasn’t what mattered, what mattered was – 

Kit held her breath and didn’t let it out until she’d slipped into the library, until she’d rushed to the wall, until she’d nearly slammed her hand into the door hidden in the dark wallpaper, until she was safe in the narrow passageway. She wanted to run, to keep running. But they’d hear her in the wall. She took it step by step with her chest burning, traveling up two floors to the hidden attic. There was the little window in the roof, waiting for Kit to wiggle her way out. She did. The climb over the roof and down the trellis was harder, with her whole body trembling, but she made it. 

She stumbled through the garden, racing over the brick path back to the road, to the fence – she shoved her heels into the ironwork, scrambling over it, the tip of a bar slicing into her calf and her palms. She slipped on the way down the other side and her hip met the sidewalk, pain skittering through her leg and up her side. Get up. Get up, Kit. And Kit did, back to her car across the street, into the driver’s side. 

Kit took long and deep breaths. In and out, until her head was back on straight, with the plan set right in her thoughts, as it was supposed to be. Everything was as it should be. She set the box down gently on the passenger seat. She did not look at the Baudelaire mansion. She would patch herself up later, when she had time. She took another breath and put the key in the ignition. 

She had to go back home.

[omegasmileyface]

ok i think its a good thing that sky high never got a sequel because they said what they wanted to say and explored their fun plot and setting in that movie and if they made a sequel it would be pulling at strings and a useless cashgrab and we would all have wished they would just let the fiest movie's closure rest. BUT. if i were in charge of a sky high sequel heres what it would be like

plot centers around the superhero community's weird thing where they feel more kinship with villains than civillians

thus, it starts with there being some serious schoolyard fight (maybe even... outside school hours?) between the protags and speed+lash, who are still sort of... majoring in villainy. protags get in trouble with administration for fighting, and theyre like "??? im sorry, these guys were being EVIL. you know. like VILLAINS." and the school is like What they do with their education is not up for us to judge. distrust sows.

will is dragged to a "party" (its like a bbq or something) that some of his parents' colleages are holding bc of like. a big. win. in superheroing. idk. anyway so there are a bunch of superhero families there in their civilian identities. will (and any friends that might have come) start talking to this other kid at the party

they ask why they havent seen her at school, and she says she doesnt go. why not? she scoffs and says that she would just be tossed aside in every class. protags tell her that the school is working (slowly... but working) on the sidekick/hero division thing. she says shed get tossed aside anyway. "why? whats your power? i promise you can make use out of any—" she doesnt have any powers.

oh! well. still. Ron Wilson didnt have any powers "yeah and he became a bus driver. i know Ron Wilson. hes a family friend. he shuttles superpowered kids around twice a day for minimum wage. even if you have an "in" in the community, if you dont have powers, youre just there to clean up ater people that do."

will thinks about it for a bit. he realizes he was sort of pushed aside before his powers developed... but it doesnt sink in and he pushes back (tells her he agrees but doesnt) because he was just so happy to get his powers. that couldnt be unfounded! and... and superheroes only step up because they have the power to make a difference. she should feel lucky that she doesnt have that responsibility attached to her life. she can go off and do whatever she wants without feeling bad about wasting power.

anyway laila gets radicalized again by this obviously. she is, in fact, now so against this division that she quits sky high and transfers to a civilian school to protest. she and will try to keep dating, but it really doesnt work with all that tension and they break up halfway through the movie.

the school laila transferred to is also the other girl's. lets call her toni. laila is really annoying to toni. whenever theyre away from observers, shes trying to use her powers to "help" toni, and other such annoying ally behavior. eventually, toni agrees to do a little interview on her experience with the super community if laila will leave her alone. laila agrees.

meanwhile, the rest of the friend group are having their own adventure discovering just how... ok the super community is with villains. obviously its not. like. ACCEPTED, thats why warren was so ostracized. but yknow. one day someone asks in mad science class if dr medulla is evil and he doesnt have a good answer. someone asks if lash and speed should be allowed to be the villains every time in save the citizen, and boomer says he cant force them to make their team choice. etc

laila goes in to interview toni at her house, in the process realizing that one of her dads— who was at that big superhero barbeque and whatnot— is a known supervillain. she panicks and awkwardly leaves the house trying to hide her discovery, and rushes to tell will

will doesnt know what to do with this. he attempts to subtly ask his mom, and gets an answer like "yeah, i dont get it. [sigh] but if he doesnt hurt anybody out of costume, and the others want him around... what am i gonna do about it?" he does the same with his dad, who says like "oh jimmy! yeah he was pretty cool in high school. definitely a rebel. i dont know why he got into the villain game, but its not my spot to judge him! just to stop him by force and send him to jail when its relevant."

will freaks out. this is all very strange. obviously there are problems with villainy, otherwise superheroes wouldnt exist! right? ...is toni going to become a villain? i mean, she hates the hero school system so much now, is she going to fight it when shes older?

ok im getting tired so im gonna fast forward through the rest and its gonna be all bones no meat. lets go

something happens to will that seriously injures him, and he thinks its toni's fault somehow. even as he recovers, it leaves him with a permanent disability that his powers dont help with. he considers himself useless again

laila and toni end up creating some kind of vigilante non-superpowered hero force, who swoop in to save the day alongside the powered heroes at the end of the movie

the protagonists discover that the super community doesnt differentiate between villains (fighting for the greater good but against heroes and/or the law) and villains (actually doing evil things) because hero licenses (which are a thing now ive decided) and villain classifications are given based on breaking the law

additionally, supervillainy, within certain ethical bounds (yknow if nobodys getting killed or anything) is sort of considered... a sport. half of major league superheroing is... recreational. like sparring.

but! and you'll never get this! non-supers described as villains get punished WAY WORSE than supers described as villains (again, within certain ethical boundaries)

laila plans to transfer back to sky high to encourage them to start a mandatory ethics course

whatever big fight scene ends off the movie, it has "villains" who have a sense of ethics fighting alongside less-legalist heroes, against actually evil villains and legalist "heroes". the villain-type students from the first movie (penny etc.), who still go to sky high, are fighting alongside the real villains until the end when they figure the whole thing out and decide to switch

will ends uo at the center of the Big Fight bc of course he does. he tries to fight Main Enemy (still havent decided at all who this is) on his own, for pride reasons and to prove that his new disability doesnt define him. but it does cause him to fail, and he gets ready to like. die in battle or something idk i never went to superhero school. but his friends save him, and he realizes that just because he cant shoulder as much weight as he used to doesnt mean he cant help in certain ways, and that even when he CANT help he doesnt have friends who are willing to fight for him and whatnot

its a disability metaphor. did you get that part? bc i believe the first movie was a disability metaphor.... except that the thesis was "simply stop being disabled" so im changing that.

also for legalism and police corruption. that too. there are two metaphors. :)

in the epilogue we learn that sky high is working to start providing course plans for students with no powers, and several adults in the community have become activists fighting for... i guess to make it so superheroes' and villains' intentions arent seen as an extension of lawfulness? idk this parts harder to solve. still

as for little details that arent plot-relevant:

theres strong subtext that ethan, magenta, and zach are all dating and thats fun

warren and magenta have joined a civilian poetry club that they go to after school

theres a student who exclusively refers to will as "billy"

there are NO REFERENCES TO MARVEL. i dont CARE if theyre both owned by disney. im keepin em SEPARATE. no cameos or easter eggs. you can have the incredibles playing on a tv somewhere but thats THIN ICE

there is however an astro boy reference :)

ron wilson bus driver reappearances. he refuses to take relevance in the plot hes just there. and big now.

i just think itd be funny if one of the characters had a Real Gun. i havent decided who or why

[alstroemerian-dragon]

the thing about. okay so when i first got into dr i was like ‘i think i prefer an outcome where they ultimately cant wake the other ten members of their class and its just the five survivors because then the deaths meant something yknow’ and while i still think that that kind of thing has. yknow. merit and value. i have actually come around to preferring them being able to do it. with one massive caveat.

it takes forever.

it takes at least a year and a half, two years maybe, before they (lets be real, hajime) even gain the knowledge of the system, work out its quirks, beef up its security and tech, connect it to enough power, and build the proper technology to manage something like this, and even then, each person is going to need a unique plan of action. its going to take ages. i think its best if they start from the first death through the last, which has the added benefit of waking the impostor first and gaining a good moral compass and grounding presence. but… i mean. its almost two years before they even manage the first dive into their brain. two years of living alone, just the five of them, of building each other up of building a dynamic, one that works, and of changing and growing because they have no other choice.

so when it comes down to them actually attempting to wake the first person… theres some anxiety. theres some worry. theres a lot of ‘this is going to radically alter how we relate to each other and everyone else’. theres a lot of ‘this is going to make things weird’. theres a lot of ‘theyre not going to understand a lot of things at first not only because its been two years since we all went under and everything has changed in that time but also because the five of us have a fundamentally different relationship now with each other than we will have with anyone else we wake up. thats going to cause conflict’.

and i dont even necessarily mean that in a romantic relationship sense (though if you know me you know im deeply unwell about kuzuhina and also an absolute sucker for polycule shit so yeah i do also kinda mean it in that way), but just that their bond is so strong. living alone on an island in the middle of nowhere for two years with just four other people will do that. they know each other in fundamental ways that the others may never manage. fuyuhiko may get peko back, but her relationship with him will never be the one he has with hajime, or akane, or kazuichi or sonia. sonia will get gundham back, but despite them definitely regaining their romantic relationship (after an adjustment period, of course), there will be an odd dissonance in how well hajime and akane know her in ways gundham doesnt. akane will get nekomaru back in her life. but he will never be the person she goes to with the things she goes to hajime with.

this isnt necessarily entirely negative, of course. relationships are always going to be different with different people because theyre. yknow. different people. but i think theres going to be a period of time, maybe even the rest of their lives, where the ten sleepers in the vault will understand, intrinsically, that the relationship the five survivors has is never going to be fully understood, and will always be special and different from what they all have as a group.

hajime, fuyuhiko, kazuichi, akane, and sonia all faced arguably the hardest parts of the healing process, the stumbling blindly with no hand to hold except the others with an equal lack of sight, together, and that. does things. to a relationship.

they will all manage the healing process, and they will all struggle through it. but never in the same way those five did.

[oddogoblino]

YOU !!!!! I GOT SOMETHING AT WORK TODAY THAT REMINDED ME OF YOU !!!!!!!

so theres this machine thats got like. marbles in it. and prize things drop onto the marbles n u gotta push em off the edge to get em yknow. and i got. sonic figure. it was like, supersuper close to the edge so it wasnt hard to get it. anyways. i got amy out of it.

(dont mind the funky pics my hands r super shaky and also its like 1130pm rn) she looks so funky,,, they put my girl in tha maze,,,,, was hoping for rouge but eh. amy is still good. bummed there was no shadow option. the beloved gay lil man. heres all of em (again, sorry if its hard to see. bad pics n all that.)

tbh if i ever get to meet u irl im giving it to u. bc like. why not. hoarding stuff to give my friends/moots if we ever meet irl is fun anyways. ninight <33 its way past my bedtime but i needed to share the cool shit that reminded me of u ok bye

FORGOT TO REPLY TO THIS BUT HELL YEAHHHHH OOOOOOO 👀 EPIC COOLNESS YOURE SO RADICAL SWAGGICAL FOR THIS FRFRRR

She's just so seeellllly

AND AWWWWEEEE QUQ WHOLESOME

[simplynotcapable]

in honor of the end of my english class, here is a compilation of quotes from my english professor

a love poem about her first cousin! tantalizing! scandalous! kentuckian! my apologies carter i know you are from kentucky and i am sure you did not have relations with any of your cousins

please do not tell me about your UTI i am not held by HIPPA and i will tell my wife

i actually have a 100% pass rate because the students that fail are executed by firing squad. HA. i kid, i kid

and if you miss class five times, i take your head. HA. i kid again. i should stop joking about murder, i can’t lose my job in this economy

(after jumping repeatedly behind a glass screen and them back out) viruses are like birds, they can’t understand glass

(while in a karate position) get vaccinated padawan

if you do it this way i’ll pass you but i’ll think you’re boring and that’s worse than failing and having me think you’re an idiot

my friend is in a wheelchair and his plan was just to run him over with said wheelchair and so i said “gary that’s a damn good idea” but i was inebriated and we were in fact asked to leave

do you guys see the line on the wall? no? ignore me, i am obviously hallucinating because of the Illness

northerns mock us for shutting down the state for a little snow but i frankly think they need to be deported

some people think teachers should have guns. imagine me with a gun. (finger guns at the window) BANG BANG. see? that’s a stupid idea

i think the best way to prevent crime is to get rid of doors

i put this on the reading list because it’s basically about seventeenth century fuckboys and i thought you guys would resonate

this one is one the reading list because i like polar bears

i use the word dave instead of terrorist because statistically they’re probably white men

charles i has diehard fans even today! my friend travis got into a fistfight in his behalf

men named colombus are always “discovering” things that people already knew about. the guy who discovered the clit was named colombus

i like to look men who subscribe to the alpha male mindset in the eye and go “so you think there’s more than one kind of man” because yknow realistically they probably are also the type to think there are only two genders because spectrums confuse them and then when they get angry i just do the (does a little dance and starts talking in a king candy voice) you wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses would you

there’s a chemical spill in the—what kind of chemical? the toxic kind. obviously. keep up for the love of god

obviously eve was framed (points threateningly at someone who just raised their hand) don’t get catholic about this jason

but MOM!!! ALL the kids are crucifying the messiah!

(while telling us that we’re a week behind so it’s fine no one did the assignment) except one person. not to name names. (long pause as he turns to look at my classmate) do you not have hobbies buddy? go on a date or something

(while squealing and clapping) cookies!! (freezes mid movement, clears throat) apologies. i lost my cool

i’m supposed to talk to you guys about how to prevent sexual assault so uh…don’t assault people! it’s that easy. mind blowing i know

i think women should have rights but that was a radical take at the time

she is, how do you say, serving cunt?

there is no heterosexual explanation for being jealous of a tree

do you guys mind if i step outside i miss my wife and if i don’t call her right now i might weep and that would be awkward

it’s like if andrew tate could read and write

joseph svetnam was a bitch and that is the moral of today’s class

my most american trait is my disdain of the british

[comradekatara]

what’s in the gaang’s youtube history 📺

aang likes videos of people doing impressive skateboard tricks, video game speedruns, heartwarming videos titled smth like "WATCH THIS TO HAVE YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED", unlikely animal friends, cats being silly, puppies running around, comedy sketches with high production value, and whatever else 12 year old boys watch on youtube (lego??? minecraft??? pokemon??? i .... don't actually know)

katara is addicted to youtube almost as much as she is addicted to twitter. she watches so many longass videos on social/political issues and then tweets the creators about how one hour and forty three minutes into the video they stated an opinion that she personally disagreed with, and she demands an apology. she also loves elaborate makeup tutorials that she would never even bother to attempt to replicate (but she likes to think that maybe one day if she gets invited to the met gala, she now has some looks to choose from)

sokka's youtube library is extremely eclectic. he can't stop clicking on videos titled shit like "intro to particle physics" just to watch the entire thing and be like "why did i watch this i knew all that already." but yknow. he just had to make sure. he's a big fan of chris fleming, and he's made all his friends watch "gigi the christmas snake" multiple times. he's gone down a lot of rabbitholes in his day, but his personal favorite side of youtube is the videos of chemical reactions, especially the ones that end in an explosion.

toph occasionally enjoys listening to longass video essays about obscure topics, but mostly she just listens to podcasts. she’s also partial to this one video that’s just the sound of a chainsaw revving on a 10 hour loop, and she plays it at just the right volume that her parents will be like “what’s that awful noise?” to which she innocently responds “i don’t hear anything” and they’re like “oh no you must be able to hear it, it’s so annoying” and toph’s like “are you sure? it sounds normal to me.” she tries this on katara once, but katara gets so frustrated that she just yells “oh wow didn’t realize you were blind AND deaf” and that leads them to get in a very violent brawl in which toph’s nose is nearly broken, so she decides to limit this particular gambit to the company of her parents only. 

zuko exclusively uses youtube to watch cute animal videos. otherwise, he's terrified he'll accidentally click on something that might potentially radicalize him, since he read somewhere that the algorithm was designed to do that, or worse, direct him to one of those content farm generated animations of elsa getting a c section, which is apparently also a concern. frankly, the internet scares him, and he tries to avoid it as much as possible.

suki watches npr tiny desks, kexp live, lofi hip hop anime beats to relax/study to, and best of vine compilations. anything on youtube that isn't music or shortform comedy simply does not interest her.

to boost her platform, ty lee decides to go on a reality show. she pretends to be a vapid airhead, but is actually very subtly manipulating not only the other contestants, but also the crew. she walks away from the whole experience with double the number of instagram followers (she already had a sizable amount) and a huge bag. anyway, azula goes through a phase of obsessively watching a lot of clips from. that

mai is indebted to the guy who reuploaded all the “patti reviews exotic animals” videos after they got taken down from the original channel. her favorite youtube video of all time though is nathan fielder thin watermelon. she rewatches it at least once a week

ty lee’s youtube history is just meditation playlists and also the goriest true crime stories she can find #justgirlythings <3

yue loves the artful simplicity of those animated tedx videos. they’ve led her down a lot of really interesting research rabbitholes. she promised katara she’d stop sending them to sokka though after he spent the next month telling her about nothing but eel mating habits and lesser known facts about genghis khan

iroh only uses youtube to watch recordings of tea ceremonies and isn’t even aware that there are other types of videos on the platform. ignorance is truly bliss 

jet exclusively watches videos with the word “callout” in the title. the longer and more contrived, the better

[lostandfem]

Hey I dont think jumping from a cult to another one will be helpful to you. You should check deeper into a more broad generalisation of life experiences instead of making your whole life about your gender again. Radical feminism isn't helpful because it doesn't take women accountable for the shit they do to other women too. Blaming males all day long won't work or do shit because we have to solve our own issues between females to live better lives. Sure men can be awful. But so are women. Radfems are also full of shit and attack peoples physical flaws at the second they have the occasion to. They don't really understand that women come in different shapes and ethnicities. Shit like "oh look at her body hair/facial hair" for exemple will come on the table all the time. Or while trying to make fun of transwomen they'll insult women that are less GC too because they don't give a shit anymore. So be careful with "communities"... Those women aren't full on accepting. That's my two cents. Good luck with everything, life's hard and so is finding respectable people... Or real lesbian women and sane bisexual women. But never give up. You'll find your way.

yknow, i appreciate youre trying to be helpful, but i trust myself here, and i dont really appreciate the patronizing attitude. im not some helpless, lost puppy

its interesting youre talking about making gender my whole life again tho. its not something id expect someone to acknowledge. most people dont want to acknowledge that thats what its like in the trans community. but this isnt making gender my whole life again. acknowledging misogyny and sexism isnt obsessing about an identity. these are judgement calls about peoples lived experiences as well as my own. and yeah, absolutely both men and women can be awful as individuals, but thats an entirely different issue from recognizing how women are treated as a sex because of their reproductive capabilities. that capability is a resource people want to take control of (if you support abortion rights then thats the cause youre addressing for an example of how thats a real issue that needs to be discussed). if you recognize that, you recognize that theres an imbalance between what sex holds power. were not “blaming males”, were recognizing who holds the power in the situations we are disadvantaged in. you have to find a source to a problem *somewhere*. women doing bad things to other women doesnt mean that power imbalance doesnt exist. and looking inward to address an outward disadvantage doesnt make any sense. if we examine ourselves enough, will the pay gap close, for example? is it womens fault theres a pay gap to begin with?

also idk where youre getting your information about what radfems think about other women, but do you think theyd even tolerate me here if they only wanted a certain type of body? my tits are gone and im hairy from testosterone. if they were anti-body diversity, why am i accepted anyway? why are they accepting any detrans woman? ive seen these women come in every shape and ethnicity, and praise women of every size and ethnicity (from thirsting to beautiful photography).

if you want to look into it, check out @ laetitiaky on instagram. shes a black woman who describes sex-based oppression from her own experiences, essentially (also makes p cool art). if you want to see examples of radfems of colour the blogs @oneblackbraid and @rad-by-nature are two off the top of my head (hopefully im not mistaken rip). im sure if you scroll enough youll find them talking about radical feminism in relation to racial issues.

anyway thanks for the advice, but i didnt ask to be helped. i hope you find your way, too

[cowboy-robooty]

Let me show you the world of my hell hole of a playlist

Obviously I need to share the good word of the Sonic Vocal Tracks like dude i will make you sit and listen to all of them if i have to but my personal favorites are “This Machine” from Sonic Heroes, “Find Your Flame” and “Im Here” from Sonic Frontiers, “Live & Learn” from Sonic Adventure 2 and “I Am… All of Me” from Shadow the Hedgehog. They are a little more metal/rock ish sorry if my music terms are off but yeah you will be screaming you will be so pumped

Also literally just any track from any Lupin III media is so fucking good omfg. So Jazzy and upbeat you will feel so radical. My favorite intros are from Part 2 and also “Superhero” is a transcending experience I lives in my head rent free. Yuhi Ohno’s work is honestly just so good just skip immediately to his entire discography

Ok im sorry im a hardcore MARINA and Girls Love Shoes fan its just who i am inside. I need to come clean. Girls Love Shoes’ “Supamedicine” is my godsend its my holy grail. MARINA always drops bangers the people know her not much to say than that.

Also some random out of pocket ones. Any minecraft parody ever, any pop song from the 2000’s, animation meme songs that haunt you for life, the living tombstone and specifically She Wolf but nightcore. Just night/daycore / slowed down/speed up just to get a little cray cray.

Alot of my own music taste is just a bunch of Punk Rock and other random artists scattered about, sorry if you already listen to these guys </3 My entire playlist is a tonal nightmare its older than most average playlists. Been going strong since like 7th grade

DONT WORRY LOL MY PLAYLIST IS AIDS TOO ive had it since i got my first phone in 6th grade because i like to put all the songs i like ever in one playlist and hit shuffle on that ^_^

SONIC SHIT: I LIKED THIS. ROBOOTY WAS A FAN OHHH YESSS... DONT WORRY IDK HOW MUSIC TERMS WORK EITHER LOL BUT THIS IS GOOD. **nods head** ITS LOUD ITS GOT A VERY FULL SOUND I LIKE IT A LOT YESS!!!

LUPIN SHIT: DUDEEE I FUCKING LOVE THE LUPIN SOUNDTRACKS TOO!!! I FUCKING LOVE JAZZY SHIT ITS SO GOOD ITS SO FIRE I LOVE IT I LOVEEE WHAT LUPIN IS IN I ALWAYS DO BE PLAYING THAT LUPIN OPENING ON TAIKO!!!! I need to check out yuhi ohnos discography properly.... i always am slacking ok

GIRLS LOVE SHOES: i listened to supamedicine and it was pretty good! it was pleasant i was like **nods head** if my buddy put it on i wouldnt go "well... if you wanted to go to teen sex cove you couldve just asked 😏" but id be like **nods head in approval** and then continue talking about how my soundcloud almost got deleted for reposting yaoi christmas carols. anyways secret.. im actually not really a marina fan. like primmadonna and oh no is okay theyre like 5/10 to me but idk i just aint into her shit

RANDOM SHIT: IM NGL I DIDNT LISTEN TO A LOT OF MINECRAFT PARODIES BECAUSE THEY WERE PARODIES OF POP MUSIC AT THE TIME AND I HATTTTTEEDD POP MUSIC LOL. i think some are ok like dont mine at night but i cant really think of any others i liked. i still am not really big on modern pop in fact i kind of hate like a lot of it lol im a hater by birth 💔 I ALSO... **says this on the cross** HAVE HATED ANIMATION MEMES FROM THE MOMENT I WAS BORN TOO. i used to get so mad id be like THATS NOT A MEME!!!! THATS A SHITTY LOOPED GIF THAT HAS NO JOKES AT ALL!!!!! idk i never was an animation meme kid.... i always looked up to newgrounds animation and like people who made full mv parodies of vocaloid mvs or cola shake dance yknow but i liked those because i think theyre different from animation memes. its a completely different vibe and i think that comparing shit like burihamachi or the pappara baby boy thing to animation memes is like comparing manga and comics. theyre the same thing in principal but COMPLETELY different vibe yknow? anyways yeah i was a hater and refused to watch them in my lifetime... 💔💔💔 I LIKE THE LIVING TOMBSTONE THOUGH I LOVEE THE SONG CATS OUGHHH THATS SO GOOD.... i never listened to them a lot i only know like 3 songs lol so erm i dont consider myself a living tombstone fanboy since i think id be considered a poser 💔 LOOK IVE ALWAYS LIVED UNDER A ROCK IM ALWAYS SEVENTEEN YEARS LATE TO EVERY PARTY EVER!!! I NEVER EVEN LIKED FNAF I WAS INTO THE NIGHTGUARDS BUT DIDNT CARE ABOUT THE GAME THE LORE THE ANIMATRONICS I LITERALLY DID NOT GIVE A FUCK I NEVER WATCHED A SINGLE MATPAT VIDEO OR LISTENING TO ANY FNAF SONGS!! i was an asdf movie and newgrounds + niconico douga kid ermmmmm anybody like danjo danjo? anyways i do like nightcore! i love listening to nightcore of 80s songs ohh yes... i only listen to out of touch nightcore 😏😏😏

sorry for long tangents but yknow how robooty empire is. THE KING LOVES TO SPEAK! THANK YOU FOR THESE RECS ESPECIALLY THE SONIC SHIT I BE LIKE OHHH ME LIKEY 😍

[0ystercatcher]

this is wacky. i am speaking out of my ass kinda bc im not actually familiar with her work but these criticisms are so...weird yknow. whats an inauthentic ethnic voice. whats an authentic ethnic voice for that matter. accusing her of "agreeing with the civilizing mission of colonialism"... captivity narrative... using lived experience to justify intolerance. isnt this weird. arent these just weird ways to criticise someone forming her opinons on her life experiences with islam and its radical shades and then breaking away from them...in weird academic language instead of actually saying something useful abt her work. i get these are wikipedia quotations, they have to be short, but isnt that interesting that these are the ones chosen. its all show no substance. like, boo hoo, she alienated some feminists and academics, which is probably the easiest thing to do in the world. is that a crime?

[tiodolma]

Do you think it'd be hilarious if season 3 Merlin and Morgana are cursed (you can imagine whatever)? And both are rude to the caster because they'll like to be back to normal like yesterday, so the caster lies and tells them they have to sleep together to break the curse? 🤣😂

That’s all I want. Trap those two powerful virgins in a situationship they can’t escape (and also resolve that S3 UST) lmaooo.

Also wasn’t S3 the season where they touched each other the most 😂😂

How abt this... like u know how kingdoms always arrange political marriages and stuff right to become stronger allies, right? What if the caster is also a magical radical who want the magic world "to be great again”? Smh somehow they have an idea of both mergana’s respective prophecies and also somehow they know each’s true identity. The caster’s agenda is to get those two bonded by whatever means necessary coz what better way to unite the magicfolk other than the two most powerful entities working together???

So they find a way to infilitrate castle camelot in s3. They befriend merlin (coz merlin is just that kinda guy) and also morgana (coz shes alone and needs allies). Then caster somehow actually really binds them together without both of them knowing 🤣. Basically the effect of the spell makes them drawn towards each other. S3 is a hella complicated time for both of them so their feelings are like amplified and their needs to get their hands on each other become more intense. Caster always scries on them from their water bowl and is like "yesss.... yesssss, just according to plan muahahahah soon the magic world will be great again!”

After a while Merlin suspects that love magic has been administered to him and he deduces it was done by morgana (see he’s obsessed with her and cant really be bothered to suspect anyone else lolol). So he asks Gaius for a solution. Gaius would be all scientific method about it. Kilgharrah gives even worse advice... the usual "that’s easy, just kill her and finish the job” which makes merlin roll his eyes.

Morgana and Morgause share a braincell so they dont consider Morgana’s increased fixation on Merlin as a detriment but a bonus. Her increased hyperawareness of Merlin makes her for a better spy. Morgause also wants her sister to start seductress training since yesterday and what better victim to practice on other than merlin?

Anyway caster is getting bored with their still UST so they send a mysterious message to Melrin that basically says "you have been cursed. you gotta have sex with the lady Morgana in order to fulfill your destiny.” Merlin interprets that as the solution to break the curse (and finally defeat the evil that is morgana lmao).

Merlin, honest powerful idiot that he is (and also hella embarrassed and dont wanna consult his bosses abt intimate matters) actually corners Morgana somewhere and is like "listen you and I have been cursed and the solution is to have sex with each other” and morgana is like "awe i didnt know u had the hots for me.” They’re gonna banter and be all sexy abt it because Morgana wont believe a word Merlin says and Merlin is serious and paranoid af and the spell just keeps getting stronger the nearer they are to each other lololol. (sparks fly, they cant stop touching each other, they smell really good wth?, isnt merlin's cheekbones prettier than usual?, morgana's so soff to touch dear lord... yknow things they already know and think abt each other but more.)

When everything gets too much (and morgana finally believes merlin’s statement that theyre cursed) they get one secret night together in the Isle of the Blessed asjjsgshsjskl (feelings, atrraction, desires of youth spring to life, morgs find out abt his magic coz the sex was magnificent/spiritual and hella magical) and when the deed is done the caster’s spell is complete and they’re basically married 😂

CASTER: FROM THIS POINT FORTH LORD EMRYS AND THE LADY MORGANA ARE JOINED TOGETHER AS ONE. MAGIC WILL BE GREAT AGAIN. THE BALANCE OF THE WORLD IS RESTORED.

Merlin and Morgana are like, "whut" (but tbf they seem to be more stronger together)

It all comes down to "we just both wanted the same thing gdi.”

Morgause still sees this as bonus bec ofc she does lmao

Cue kilgharrah sensing a disturbance in the force and be like "OH SHT. MY PLANS”

[dballzposting]

Dragon ball characters as niches of asexuality

Greyace: Vegeta. Um possibly demi but IDK. I do know that there needs to be notable emotional influence beforehand. The only two people hes ever wanted to fuck in his life BTW are his wife Bulma and his rival Kakarot. Bulma had stunned him with her strength of character and gentle caresses while kakarot had inflamed him with his ... self.

He’s grey-ace meaning sexual attraction is rare and not a driving factor/priority in his life and lifestyle.

Aro AND ace: Goku. He just doesnt care about any of that.

aegosexual: Tarble

Cupioromantic/sexual: Piccolo

He did well when Goku was dead and Ms Chichi was his beloved. And he is respectful enough of the human sexual condition. He will do whatever it takes. He’s the milkman

Bonus corner, not ace but aro: GT Trunks.

For all you #TrutenTruthers out there I’ll say that he’s demiromantic c:

Sex repulsed: Gotenks-kun.  Like if he were older

Like i underatsnd that he’s only around for 30 minutes at a time but IDKKKK if he were around for longer we’d see him say shit like “NO WAY SISTER. I don’t go for that. Back off. I’m abstinence until I die. Radical!” and then he’d do a kickflip. Ugh TBH tho if Gotenks were your teenage son honestly you’d be worried about him going into puberty becasue, judging by his temperance and exuberance as a youth, you would just assume that you’d have to keep your boy on a tight leash. Like he’s gonna be chatting up ALL the chicks. But if anything, entering that age stunted his charisma a bit. He still has his charm but sometimes there’s this trepidation when talking to girls for the first time, before the relationship settles into a comfortable friendship. And you don’t know what that’s all about until he’s 16 and standing in the kitchen and is like “hey can I. Can I ask you something.” and he confides that he wants a GF but he doesnt want her to, like, be coming at him asking for sex...! He likes girls BUT he gets so weird about them becasue he doesnt want to accidentally lead them to think that he’d be down for that :(. You do your best as a parent and tell him that for the love of goodness gracious do NOT do the sex then. First of all, (insert sex risks here). Second of all, it’s just one of those things that you shouldnt do if you dont want to do! Gotenks is like “i think it’s so weird and yucky WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE SEE IN IT ?” and you tell him that everyone else must be stupid. Then when he’s 17 he has a girlfriend and as far as you can tell things are going well, and you feel confident that your boy isnt doing shit he shouldnt be doing, but one day he comes home a tad after curfew and he seems frazzled and jarred and disturbed in the face and he sort of slinks off to his room and shuts the door. Later at 11 pm before you go to bed you catch him in the kitchen making a smoothie with literally all the fruit he can find in the fridge. He’s standing with his back to you cutting up a pear and there is grapefruit juice all over the counter and the blender is already half-full and he’s got Butter Pecan ice cream out becasue it’s the ice cream you happen to have and he’s gonna put it in the blender. And you ask him if he’s alright and slowly but surely he confides in you that he was hanging out with his girlfriend and he did something that he doesnt feel good about. He had told his GF that sex was OFF of the table, and his GF had blindsided him by suggesting compromises. Gotenks, while cutting mold spots off of strawberries, says that he had been blindsided becasue he hadnt considered compromises and he didnt have time to develop a proper emotional response and she had suggested hand stuff and he had said OK and now hes in the fucking kitchen at 11 pm saying shit like “sooo i jerked off my girlfriend.” and you the parent have to be like “I take it you’re in distress over this?” and hes like “yeah. Yknow. I thought that I would be mature and cool and okay with this. But I’m pretty fucking far from okay.” Yknow

Sex neutral: Goku. He just doesnt give a shit. He’s down for whatever

Sex favorable: Yajirobe (far left).

Yajirobe fucks sex hot women and he doesnt even care that they're hot.

Orchidsexual: Gotenks but specifically the one that is a fusion of Future Trunks and Goten from the DBS Heroes manga

He’s 1/2 Future Trunks so he’s male-attracted but he’s still sex-repulsed so he’s like “NO WAY MISTER! I don’t go for that. Back off. I’m abstinence until I die! Bombtastic!” & he’s confident in that & he can see a hot guy and be like “Wow! Hot a what baabhabhiat!” & then not do anything about it KING!

Honorable Mention: Akira Toriyama. He wrote the most asexual/aromantic piece of media. No comment on his personal business but we have to give him thanks for his work, which is strongly representative of the asexual perspective. Thank you sir