#she knows who Chaz Bono is

[erikkamirs]

[Talking about Juno ]

Mom: Did you know that El*** Page is a lesbian in real life?

Me (not in the mood to explain): ...Yeah, I knew that... 👀

[poetessinthepit]

The boomer understanding of transgender people is really interesting because sometimes, it can be weirdly progressive and other times not so much.

One time I was talking about Chaz Bono. I can't really remember the context. My mom asked me why I referred to Chaz Bono as a transgender man when Chaz Bono is just a man.

I thought this was maybe kind of cool. Disclaimer, I'm cis so what do I know. I know many transgender people are loud and proud about being trans, but I also think it's normal whether you're trans or cis, to just want to be seen as who you are and get through your day without being hassled.

I picked her brain a little and she was like " well, Chaz Bono used to be a woman, but Chaz Bono is a man now. He had a sex change."

Anyway, it seems like my mom, who works in the medical field, honest to god, believes there is one single surgery that can just flip all your characteristics from one sex to the other. This is obviously wrong, but I think a lot of people her age believe this and it tends to be more liberal people her age and not the other way around.

You could argue this places a lot of emphasis on passing and I could agree with that, but in the case of my mom, I truly think any trans person, passing or not, regardless of how much they've medically transitioned, could just tell her they've had a sex change and she'd be like cool, you are what you say you are. She ,at worst, would probably secretly think "maybe, they have a shitty doctor".

Now, I'm not saying there are no issues with her way of thinking and that it doesn't come from a place of ignorance, but it is interesting to me how there are some narrow circumstances where it comes across as more accepting than millenials can often be. My generation, myself unfortunately included, is often guilty of using "trans" as a qualifier, as way of saying "well, they're a woman but...", fill in any gender identity, etc.

Another time, the topic of transgender athletes in sports came up, something we probably never would have talked about if the right hadn't made the topic newsworthy. My mom, who is an avid tennis player, immediately brought up Renée Richards and said "Well, Renée Richards just did okay back in the 70's. She didn't dominate. It probably depends on the circumstances." I thought this was a pretty nuanced take on a pretty nuanced issue that she came to organically.

Of course, the main issue is that my mom has absolutely zero understanding of being non-binary or even a binary trans person is intentionally gnc in their presentation. I've tried to explain it to her many times in simple terms and like any movie with a non-linear timeline, she just can't wrap her head around it. That said, I think my mom tries to be accepting generally. I know one of my mom's closest friends has a non-binary kid that came to our Thanksgiving once and my mom was earnestly trying to use they/them pronouns and even corrected some of the other guests.

I know this whole post might come across as me trying to excuse my mom's transphobia because I, like anyone else, just want to believe that my parent is good person. Honestly, maybe it is. Maybe, I just lack the self awareness. But I'm also just personally fascinated by it. And it's also true that LGBTQ boomers, the people my mom learned from, tend to have a different understanding of these issues and different terminology than younger LGBTQ people. You could completely chalk that up to internalized bias, but it's a lot more complicated than that. We're talking about social constructs here.

My personal opinion is ( and don't get me wrong, I can totally see why someone from a marginalized group would validly disagree with the following sentiment) that for the most part, with some obvious exceptions, how someone arrives a place of tolerance does not matter, as long as they get there. The ends usually justify the means. And I think the job of an ally, something I try to be, is to foster understanding where you can. It's mentally exhausting for someone from a marginalized group to constantly have to justify their existence in the world. We need radical empathy. Sometimes, I am the ally I need to be or close to it and sometimes, I'm more like my mom, well-meaning but ignorant.

[onthefringeministry]

I want my Chaz Bono back!

I am not good at anything I feel today. I saw the jerk who has my cat and apparently he scratched her tweeker boyfriend and since she hasn’t been taking care of him and keeping her clean he got infected so the bitch just let my cat outside. I am so pissed that my cat is now an ally cat. It makes me so mad I want him back, but now I don’t even know how to find him. Plus I don’t think that I can…

[pashterlengkap]

In touching speech, Oprah Winfrey discusses brother who died of AIDS

Media legend Oprah Winfrey recently spoke about her younger brother Jeffrey who died of AIDS. She spoke of him while accepting a Vanguard Award from the queer media watchdog group GLAAD. GLAAD presents the award to allies who have made a significant difference in promoting acceptance of LGBTQ+ people and issues. “Many people don’t know this, but 35 years ago, my brother Jeffrey Lee passed away when he was just 29 years old, from AIDS,” Winfrey said near the start of her speech. “Growing up at the time we did, in the community that we did, we didn’t have the language to understand or to speak about sexuality and gender in the way that we do now. And at the time, I really didn’t know how deeply my brother internalized the shame that he felt about being gay. I wish he could have lived to visit these liberated times and to be here with me tonight.” Related: Oprah Winfrey advocates for LGBTQ+ rights in Tennessee State commencement speech She said these words in a state that has passed a ban on public drag performance and has outlawed gender-affirming care for minors. “I wish my brother Jeffrey could have experienced a world that could see him for who he was and appreciate him for what he brought to this world,” she added. Never Miss a Beat Subscribe to our newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights. Daily * Weekly * Good News * During her speech, she mentioned that The Oprah Winfrey Show — her televised talk show which ran from 1986 to 2011 — worked during the AIDS crisis to correct “rampant misinformation and misguided fear” about gay men. In 1987, she brought her talk show to Williamson, West Virginia — a town that had shut down a local pool after an HIV-positive man was found to have swam there — to hold a town hall where medical experts explained how the virus is transmitted. “We brought the facts and tried to erase some of the biases,” Winfrey said in her speech. “And then we went back, 23 years later, to revisit it and help people to confront their beliefs around homosexuality, and saw both the personal growth and the lack of personal growth that had taken place.” Her show also commemorated National Coming Out Day in 1988, the same year that the observance was first created, to have people publicly come out to their parents on the air — though she admitted that she required all participants to come out to their parents before the show aired because, “Really, I don’t want your mom to come after me.” “I wanted to create a safe space to bring the lives and the background stories of the LGBTQ community front and center to our audience,” she said. “And what I’ve learned over the years of interviewing over 35,000 people one-on-one… is that every single person wants the same thing, and that is the desire to feel seen and to know that what we say matters and to know that we matter.” She noted that, since launching the Oprah Winfrey Network in 2011, she had helped air documentaries on transgender people, including Becoming Chaz, about Cher’s son Chaz Bono, and I Am Jazz, about young trans youth advocate Jass Jennings. Related: Oprah & Gayle King try to define LGBTQ slang terms & they don’t care if they’re wrong “I’ve never heard this from any gay person,” Oprah said of a particularly difficult expression. Even today, Winfrey continues to use her platform to foster understanding towards the LGBTQ+ community. In 2021, she spoke with actor Elliot Page about the “joy” transitioning brought him; in 2016, she spoke with Connie Johnson, wife of retired NBA superstar Magic Johnson, about how she reconciled her Christian faith with her son’s homosexuality; and in 2015, she spoke with gay former-child actor Danny Pintaro about his meth addiction. Oprah also played the role of a therapist in the history-making 1997 episode of Ellen DeGeneres’ sitcom Ellen, in which DeGeneres came out. Oprah and Ellen have… http://dlvr.it/T4Ypq9

[genderkoolaid]

Hi hi hi I'm here to share one of my personal transandrophobia experiences that really really bothers me.

So when I came out to my mom I was IDing as just nonbinary instead of as a nonbinary trans man, and my mom kinda latched onto me being nonbinary as a way for her to like, deny my transness? Because if I'm nonbinary then she can convince herself that I'm just a quirky woman. But if she acknowledges the trans man part then she has to accept the fact that I am not, and will never be, a cis woman.

So her whole thing is that she will not use my correct name and pronouns, and she will NOT stop referring to me as a woman. When I first came out she pretended to try and use my name and pronouns but you could very much tell that it was just so she didn't seem transphobic. But now she doesn't even do that. And every time I'm with her she has to try and pull some "womanly comradery" shit. I'll complain about something midly annoying that my boyfriend did or something and she'll say shit like "Well you know how men are!" And I'm supposed to be like "Haha yes men are soooo inferior and we are better because we are women" but it just makes me suuuuuper fucking uncomfortable lol.

And I knew she was going to be like this, I grew up hearing how much prettier Chaz Bono was before he transitioned, but it's still just so annoying. She is so self centered and she thinks she has to make everything about her. And I just don't know how to tell her that I'm not gonna force myself to be a woman just to make her feel more comfortable! It's like when I was presenting really femme in high school she kinda got a glimpse into the world where I was her perfect pretty little daughter and now I'm an icky hairy man thing and she thinks she "lost" the girl I could've been.

Her whole attempt at womanly connection just makes me want to talk to her less and less. She's pushing me away and she doesn't even know it. And that's the thing about transphobia, it's not always loud and violent and obvious. Sometimes it's a mother who can't let go of the daughter she never had while her son quietly lives his life without her.

Anyway I want to punctuate this kinda sad tale with a picture of my cats to make it more palatable because I know you've been getting a lot of these and they must be very hard to read sometimes! So here is a little pallete cleanser:

Thank you for sharing your experience (and your cats).

[crossdreamers]

Chaz Bono on J.K. Rowling's Transphobia:”It just sucked”

Chaz Bono, trans man (and son of Cher, in case you did not know that), has been interviewed by the British podcast A Gay and A Nongay.

They also talked about Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling’s decent into transphobia. Advocate reports:

“When the person who writes your favorite series of books about oppressed people decides to start oppressing you, it’s very strange. It doesn’t make any sense,” the American Horror Story star said. “It’s hard to wrap your head around. On a personal note, it just sucked. Politically, it’s dangerous because I don’t think people realize that she’s just regurgitating the same things that people are saying about us, that have been debunked for 30 years. It’s just wrapped up in a new package with a zillion Twitter followers.”

He says he is still trying to wrap his head around “this idea of white privileged feminists that think somehow transgender women are a threat to their rights, their existence.”

He is right. It is insane, but it seems that irrational projections of undigested prejudice and fear can be found in all groups, also among people who call themselves feminists (but who aren’t really). I guess hating others makes it easier for them to forget what they hate about themselves.

TERFs like Rowling are not only invalidating trans women. They are also invalidating trans men, arguing that they are misguided women.

Bon replies:

“You just gotta keep trying to fight it and have people tell their stories so hopefully people can understand what the reality is. They’re trying to address a problem that doesn’t exist, this idea of female spaces. They’re looking at transgender women like their men. They’re looking at transgender men like they’re women. We’re not. I am a man. Transgender women are women. Look at them that way. Listen to our stories. Get to know us. Anybody who’s around me for two seconds will know that I’m a man. There’s nothing female about me.”

“I’m not a lesbian. I never fit in,” he says. “I tried for 30 years, then it took me about 10 years to get the courage to actually be who I am.”

People don’t seem to understand that even if you come to it later in life, or figuring it out, trans people are trans people. I was never a lesbian, nor was I ever a woman. I was always transgender. I took time to figure it out. Now we see people figuring it out much earlier because they’re able to see it. There are people out there they can look at and say, ‘That’s me.’”

More here.

Photo: Gaga Skidmore

[elicantfly]

My coming out story.

If you are expecting a simple "I'm gay and then they reacted this way" you aren't getting that.

What is a Lesbian?

The first time I heard about the lgbt community was when I was 7 years old, I was looking at a 13 year old girl's shirt. I was trying to read what it said, and I guess she thought I was looking at her chest because her and three other girls ganged up on me and she said "What are you, a Lesbian?". I went to a trusted teacher and told her the situation, when I asked what a Lebian was she told me it was just a really mean word to call someone and never to call someone that.

Obviously me being a very curious child it didn't stop there, that night I asked my mother was a lesbian was. Her first reaction was to ask where I had heard that word. She never clarified it for me she just angrily called my school.

Well, mom wasn't going to tell me. So, one day when I was alone in the car with my grandmother I asked her what a lesbian was. She gave me a long winded story about Chaz Bono, so I take away was that a Lesbian was a girl who liked girls and sometimes girls who liked girls became boys.

I didn't do anything with this knowledge, until I was 8 years old.

Coming out: 1

I was alone in my room with my step sister. She was talking about some boy she liked for what seemed like forever. She then asked "are there any boys you like?" and I said "No, I think I might be a lesbian". She said "really?", for what felt like an eternity I sat there explainwhat it was like inside a queer person's mind.

Being outed: 1

Months after telling my step sister I was a Lebian we're sitting in the car and my mother asks about her report card. She must have had a really bad report card because her response was a very snarky "[Deadname]'s a Lesbian", and In that moment everything changed. My mother pulled over the car took me behind it and told me to never touch either of my sisters (one my age the other one 1 year old at the time). It was in that moment that I realized my mother saw me being gay as a threat.

What is Transgender?

I was 12 years old and my mother left me alone to watch Degrassi, and I was introduced to Adam and his story. I loved him so much, and at some level I felt seen in a way I never had been before.

Coming out: 2

That night I told my mother I was transgender. She told me I was confused and I was too young to know who I was.

It was never discussed again... Until I was 13

What is a Drag king?

I was watching YouTube and I came across one of the most amazing things I had ever seen drag. I was amazed by the beauty I saw, the way they could transform. At this point I know what gay is.

One night I'm looking up drag on YouTube and I find a woman trying drag for the first time. I was so excited to see a way I could be a boy but my mother would accept me.

For months I did "drag" alone in my room. Until I realized maybe I was trans.

So I came up with a name and I would mentally correct people every time they called me my dead name.

Coming out: 3

I sat my mom down and told her how I felt, she gave me the exact same speech.

Coming out: 4

I told my doctor I was trans and my family didn't accept me. She told me to hang in there and if the feelings didn't go away I could transition once I was 18.

Social media

At this point I had binged a lot of lgbt youtube, Talked to a lot of online counselors, and crisis hot lines.

A few things were certain in my mind: My mother would never accept me, Top surgery seemed like an amazing magic that would save me, if my family didn't understand at least Todrick Hall did, and I could make a secret account as a boy.

For some background my Mother would jokingly call my sister and I "Joe" and "George".

So I called myself "Joseph" ont his new account where it felt like everyone understood me and I was loved.

Being outed: 2

It took 2 weeks for my mom to find it.

She woke me up and told me that God meant for me to be a girl, and I would always be a girl.

TW: Self harm, Abuse, slurs, hate crimes, substance abuse, AIDS

That night I started cutting myself.

It took me weeks before I was hooked on Xanax.

Taking it into my own hands

It's been a few months since then and at this point I am tired of lying about who I am.

I cut my hair.

I went to school and everyone complimented me, I was on the top of the world.

I step off the school bus so proud.

I forgot to put up my hood.

My mother was horrified "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DAUGHTER! YOU FAGGOT!"

That was the first time I had heard the slur, and there were many more to come.

My mother turned my hair into a tasteful pixiecut and started calling me a Dyke regularly.

Coming Out: 5

I took my best friend at school aside and told her I was Bisexual. The first thing she did was ask if I liked her. When I responded with a confused "No, I just wanted to tell you" she said "Then why did you even tell me?". This further made me believe that I was dirty and wrong and this was a secret which was further proven later on.

The wedding

My aunt was getting married to a woman. I was so amazed that my mom accepted her. Until she said "well she's not shoving it in anyone's face, she's keeping it behind closed doors"

I only got to see her for a moment at that wedding before being sent to a hotel with my uncle but I will nevermind forget her hugging me and telling me to be myself.

Catholic school

I am now at a catholic high school at age 14 still on drugs, still cutting, openly Bisexual, and have a boyfriend.

It was a matter of months before it got around yaht I was Bisexual and that my partner was actually a trans girl.

For the next several year I was beaten constantly.

I was thrown down stairs and pulled across the school by my backpack so I missed my bus and had to walk home with a cane, a sprained wrist, and a twisted ankle.

I was thrown against the was so hard that yhe metal of the chalk holder for the chalk board cut into my back.

The was a total of 16 hospital visits but the 16 has to wait because:

Coming out: 6

I visited my aunties and my uncle and I told them I was Bisexual and transgender.

My aunts (best friends) accepted me fully. My uncle proceeded to tell me it was a choice and he would know because made that choice himself and by being out It was my fault yhat I was being beat up at school.

My aunt got me boys clothes and I was very happy.

Til my mom came to pick me up and said she accepted me but I had to wait to transition because I would confuse my autistic little sister (ignoring the fact that I am also autistic).

Uncle Pete

At the family reunion where none seems to be queer or accepting at all is a single openly gay man.

Uncle Pete.

He was a fun, sassy, activist, who love me with all of his heart.

He talked to me about his boyfriend lost to AIDS in the 80's, how attractve he thought Jonny Depp was, and the importance of safe Injection cites.

We lost him to complications of AIDS earlier this year

My Nana dies

My nonbinary auncle Maddy came down to help out and took me for the weekend, I must have tried out like 20 names including Jack, Cameron, Elijah, and Andi. Everyone accepted me and I even got a trans flag pin ghat my mother promptly threw it out.

Acceptance

I turned 16 and quit drugs.

My mom finally accepted me after so much fucking work.

I started going by Joey at school.

At this point I am supporting all of the queer kids at my school and not transferring at because I wanted to protect them until:

The 16th ER visit

I'm in the hall at school at some kid says "HEY FAG" before I can even move my head his elbow collided with my jaw and her almost broke it.

I tried telling the principal but she said it wasn't caught on tape.

He was on the rugby team.

I transferred schools for grade 12.

Public School

I walk in and immediately find the theater kids including openly trans and gay people. I was amazed. It was here I started going by Eli and He/They pronouns and really find myself.

Now

(They/Them)

I am 20 years old, Masc Nonbinary, and Pansexual.

Things with my mom are still a little rocky.

But that doesn't matter, I'm 1 year clean from self harm, and In a loving relationship with my amazing partner.

I wouldn't still be around if it wasn't for them.

The conclusion if this story is that no matter what happens you are loved and you will make it through.

[eddievansick]

chaz bono (old joke from sept 2011)

Any body see the pics of Chaz Bono since her sex change to be a man? This nut not only wanted to be a man, but a couch potato that no girl in her right mind would ever want! Think she had a silicone belly put in n she gonna try to corner the weight loss market! And that aint no dick she had put in, its a spout! To let out the silicone! Secrets out, Chaz got a spout!

OTHER PERSONALITY: "Are you insane! That's the most ridiculous thing i ever heard! Now why would she want to do that?"

ME: I don't know. All i know is, she wasn't that fat before the surgery. Any man who goes thru a sex change operation to be a woman at least tries to look hot. But she looks like a beached whale! OTHER PERSONALITY: "Your truly a moron! Why don't you go get a career change operation to become a comedian with a wallet containing a million dollars transplanted on your butt! "

ME: Thanks! Now everyone knows why i don't talk to myself anymore! I'm a jerk!

[juliepodewitz]

Wait, Duckie is Gay?

Like most of population, my best friend Amy and I binged season three of Stranger Things.  We agreed with the critics that the addition of Maya Hawke’s character, Robin Buckley, was a positive one.  Robin and Steve work in an ice cream shop and become friends.  During the plot arc’s climax, Steve confesses his crush and asks her out.  As much as Robin likes Steve and is happy that they met, she tells him that the relationship cannot go beyond friends because she is gay. Steve takes this news positively and they remain friends.  Amy and I agreed that as much as we would have LIKED to believe something like that would happen in a 1985 film, it wouldn’t.  I mean, just think of Duckie.  

Growing up in the Midwest during the eighties we didn’t talk about being gay.   It wasn’t on our radar.  I mean, we all saw Pretty in Pink multiple times and even though he was a tool, we were rooting for Molly Ringwald’s Andie to get with heartthrob Blaine.  We’ve all heard the story that the film’s original ending had Andie going to prom with Duckie, played by Jon Cryer.  It played so poorly with test audiences that the ending was reshot. We were astounded that anyone would think Andie should be with Duckie, not because he was gay, but because he was the dorky sidekick and not the popular heartthrob.  

My daughter and I watched Pretty in Pink during quarantine.  Two minutes into his screen time, she turns to me and says, “Wow.  A gay guy in an eighties film.  How cool.”  Seeing it 35 years later it is so obvious.  In 2021, Duckie is gay.  For sure.  But not in 1985.  In 1985 he was just the awkward, quirky sidekick who will pine for his best friend yet be stuck forever in the friend zone.  1985 Andie doesn’t end up with Duckie.  But not because he’s gay.  2021 Duckie would have his own subplot.  He’s also in love with Blaine but stays quiet in respect for his best friend’s feelings.  

It wasn’t until 1989 when a film featured open gay characters.  Longtime Companion, much overlooked (a shame), took place in the early eighties and told the story of a group of men, friends and lovers, dealing with a new “gay cancer” (AIDS.)  It was an independent movie, shown only in arthouse theaters.  I loved it but was the only one of my contemporaries to see it.  It wasn’t until 1997 when television’s Ellen came out.  It was 21 years ago that Dawson’s Creek featured what is considered the first “passionate kiss” by two gay men on primetime television.  Will and Grace was controversial when it debuted in 1998.  

So maybe this is progress.  2019 television and film season featured no less than 121 LGBTQ characters.  Now it’s not unusual for a character to be gay.  The transgender community is also more in the forefront of social conscious thanks to celebrities such as Caitlyn Jenner, Chaz Bono, Laverne Cox, and Elliot Page.

Back in 1980, we all sang to Diana Ross’ hit anthem, “I’m Coming Out.”  I never once thought of the meaning as anything more than her statement of empowerment, that she is coming out of her shell, coming out from under a man’s influence.  Watch out world, here she comes.  Heard by my daughter’s generation now it has a whole different connotation.  She was impressed, “Wow, you were pretty progressive back then, mom.”  Unfortunately, we weren’t.  

My daughter has come out on social media and to all of her friends but says she doesn’t want to have serious “sit down conversations” with close family.  She says she shouldn’t have to make it a big deal.  It shouldn’t be news.  I’m looking to the day that it is news along the same line as making it on the baseball team or getting an A in creative writing, getting the job offer, moving to a new state or falling in love, period.  The falling in love part being the news, not with whom.  

Maybe with each film, television series, book, reality star or celebrity we take one step toward a (and I know this term is so overused) new normal.  One in which Duckie is gay and it’s not part of the plot, just part of who he is.  It does seem like in today’s pop media every young female protagonist has a really cool, gay male best friend.  And maybe that isn’t realistic or is an over-representation.  Maybe it takes this over-representation to normalize the narrative.  And maybe in that world our daughters and sons won’t be nervous to come out to those close to them.  Maybe they won’t have to “come out.”  Maybe it’ll just be what it is, a part of what makes up a person.  Not the sole definition, but one part of a wonderful whole.  A part of which to be proud.   Not to fear, not to hide.  Maybe someday. Maybe someday soon.  

Julie Podewitz

[quinnzscale]

Not that anyone asked, but I’ve been seeing makeup discourse going around lately and I kind of wanted to share my experience and relationship with makeup and how it has colored my relationship with my gender identity and presentation.

When I was a kid, I did a lot of theater, so I was introduced to makeup early, but it was expected from everyone. That said, it was very clear that most of the boys were expected to do the bare minimum of stage makeup, and the girls were expected to do a “beauty” look, given that most of the shows being done were quite old and gender-specific. Honestly, I never quite liked it, but I was solidly in my tomboy “all girly things are inherently bad” phase, proudly hating pink and gladly avoiding the romantic leads because I just wasn’t like other girls (oh, yeah, I was that middle schooler). I always wanted to play boy roles because I thought they fit me far better.

I didn’t know what a trans person was until I was about 12, and saw Chaz Bono on tv. I asked some questions and my parents were always willing to answer, which I count myself very lucky for. But it was the first I had heard that anyone could be a different gender than the one assigned at birth, and the first I’d heard of medical transitions.

A few years later, I recall breaking down in tears because I could never play my favorite characters, and I told my dad that I wanted to be a boy. My dad told me that it was a very superficial reason to change your body and I don’t think either of us realized the red flag that was for my future gender experimentation.

When I was 14, I came out as bisexual. I also started wearing makeup a little more, albeit in a very “emo-phase” way, black eyeliner like a raccoon to match my black beanie, side bangs and fingerless gloves. I was introduced to it by a cast mate in a show and I loved how my eyes looked. The more I experimented with makeup, the more I fell into a more feminine role, as that’s the way I thought it should be. If I’m the kind of girl who wakes up early to do makeup, I should also be doing my hair and dressing feminine and cute. But it was always a role.

When I was sixteen, I started dating a boy. I leaned into wearing dresses and lipstick, I leaned into a perfect girlfriend persona, I became what everyone wanted me to be. I thought I was happy. Until I spent time with myself. Until I spoke with my dad. Until I realized I didn’t love my boyfriend.

When I was eighteen, I came out as a lesbian. I became very vocal about it, but oddly, I found myself still in my dresses and flowy tops, long tresses and skirts. I even doubted that other people would know I was gay. I remember having a conversation with a close friend and she told me “no, you’re a classic femme. Don’t worry about it.” So I said “oh, that must be what I am.” And I became that. But I was still playing to other people’s perceptions. I started to become more concerned with “natural makeup,” not being too flashy but still gorgeous. Leaning into classic makeup and dress because this is what I was supposed to be.

When I was twenty, I met this boy in college. We became close friends, and eventually ended up sleeping together a couple times. My attraction to him put me in a state of crisis. I didn’t think I liked guys, but here I was. Did I only say lesbian because I thought it would make the breakup easier?

By this point I had started getting a lot more adventurous and experimental with makeup. I considered it an art form for myself. I wasn’t wearing it for society, or because I thought I needed it. In fact, I went to class quite often bare-faced and thought nothing of it.

I ended up thinking a lot about my gender and sexuality, as I felt less and less comfortable with being called a woman or a girl and more and more leaning towards masculine looks, and quietly stopped calling myself a lesbian, and defaulting to gay. But I always did my makeup the way I wanted to.

Then COVID hit.

Spending this much time with myself made me reevaluate everything. I began to feel as uncomfortable as I was before but now I was able to identify it as dysphoria. I worried that makeup was what made me feel this way, but after a few weeks of bare face, it occurred to me it was not my issue. It was my long hair, my feminine clothes.

I am twenty-one, and I came out as a non-binary person just last month. I have cut my hair and I am in the process of revamping my wardrobe to make me feel more comfortable. I love makeup as much as I did before, but I feel more free about it, despite feeling like I have to remind people that makeup isn’t inherently feminine. I definitely understand that women have been forced into these roles, being expected to wear makeup. As someone who grew up AFAB, I spent a lot of my teenage years being hyper aware of it.

People express themselves in different ways, and makeup is never a must. No one should ever have to wear it if they don’t want to. Makeup is my expression but I’m not wearing it to live up to the expectations of a world who sees me as a woman. It’s part of my existence as an enby, and no one can take that from me. But I make my own post and don’t comment on those women sharing the trauma associated with makeup culture. Because their experiences are valid, the culture surrounding makeup is often shitty, and hopping in to say “well, I wear makeup because I like it and not to adhere to society” undermines the point of these posts.

[simonjadis]

I’m going to be afk for almost all of this weekend. I’ll have scheduled posts but that’s it. I’ll be reachable on Twitter (simonjadis) of course. I wanted to explain why.

content warnings: family member illness, terminal illness, cancer

My grandmother is one of the most important people in my life. During my childhood, I always lived close to her -- when I was preschool age, my mom and I even lived with her for a year during my mother’s divorce.

She was born on a farm in what was then rural North Carolina in 1930. How rural? The doctor made a house call and, instead of charging money for her delivery, instead asked for a calf “he’d had his eye on” as payment.

She and my grandfather, Herb Harward, had five children and eight grandchildren. Grandaddy passed away in 2007, but Grandmama now has a total of 4 great-grandchildren. She is 89.

There’s so much that I could write about her. I’ve known her all my life, but since my aunt passed away in 2014 (and she was living alone for the first time in her life), I’ve called and spoken to her every day. We’ve always had an incredibly close bond.

I got my sense of smell from her, but not her sense of hearing. My grandfather used to compliment her on both, saying: “If she could only run, she’d make a hell of a dog.”

If you’ve ever watched The Closer, know that Brenda Lee Johnson’s parents on that show are so eerily similar to my grandmother and grandfather and their dynamic that if it turned out that they were somehow based on them, I would not be surprised. Even the character’s names sound like someone tried to slightly tweak the real names. It doesn’t help that they named their firstborn “Brenda.”

In 2011, when Chaz Bono appeared on Dancing With The Stars, Grandmama (who loved that show) expressed her disgust over the awful backlash that he received for being transgender. I wouldn’t really call Grandmama “woke” by any means, but she couldn’t imagine why people would give him a hard time for being himself, “because that’s nobody’s business!”

She did, on a number of occasions over the years, accidentally say “transcendent” instead of transgender. No complaints here.

Grandmama was a Republican -- decidedly past tense. In 2012, she confided to my mother that she had voted for Obama. To put that in context, she was raised in a family so Baptist that she had to sneak around in order to go dancing with other teens in the ‘40s.

In 2014, my Grandmother took that even further, voting almost straight-ticket for Democrats. My mom and I took her to her polling station.

Here is grandmama in 2015. The photo to the left shows her wearing a pair of (my) slippers, which are a little too large for her. The photo to the right shows her either wearing my snuggie or donning her Mythic Dawn garb to go assassinate Uriel Septim VII. Either way, adorbs.

In 2016, everything about Trump chilled her to her bones. She was so excited to vote for Hillary, and that’s just what she did. Like most people in the country, she was mortified by the election’s results. She and I discussed politics, history, and the news constantly. We both used our sense of humor to cope with the nightmare that the world has become.

I don’t know whom she might support in the Primaries, though I will say that she has more than once brought up liking “that woman with a plan for everything.” I like Elizabeth Warren, too.

Unfortunately, during the first half of July of this year, Grandmama learned that she had thyroid cancer. She’s had strokes, heart attacks, open heart surgery, and is a breast cancer survivor.

This time looks different.

On Monday, my mother called me in the morning to let me know that she’d finally learned the diagnosis -- Grandmama didn’t want anyone to know at first. Even I, who spoke to her every day, didn’t get a direct answer for weeks. There are no good cancers to get, but anaplstic thyroid cancer is one of the worst. It appears that it has already spread beyond control.

There was a plan that she would receive immunotherapy (which looked promising in preliminary tests) and targeted radiation therapy. These were intended to improve her quality of life by preventing the tumor from cutting off her airway.

Today, Friday, my mom called to let me know that the hospital has determined that the radiation would be more likely to simply kill my grandmother than help. She’s not sure if Grandmama will be going back home or not. The plan was for me to visit next weekend, but it’s not clear if that is still viable or not.

So I’m heading out to see her this weekend. I am ... devastated.

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Eight : YEP, I’M GAY

Four words that changed lives forever.

THIS ELLEN OF MINE

Ellen DeGeneres was born January 26, 1958. With a stand-up career that began in the early 80s, she forged a solid reputation as a comedian, notably through appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (possibly the biggest talk show and host of all-time). Shortly, she ventured into roles on TV and movies, to mixed results.

Her big break through came with an offer from ABC to create and star in her own sitcom, Ellen. Based on her career as a stand-up comedian. Referred at the time as a “female Seinfeld”, the show’s humor was quite close to what DeGeneres had offered previously on stage. Launched on March 29th, 1994, Ellen (called These Friends of Mine in its inaugural season before changing to simply its protagonist’s name to avoid confusion with a new show called Friends) got solid ratings for its first four seasons due to its actress’ popularity. Between you and I, ‘decent’ would be the first adjective that would come to mind remembering the sitcom. It was no Mary Tyler Moore Show and it did the work.

HIT THE FAN

Shit hit the fan in 1997. Speculations about Ellen’s sexuality weren’t a novelty but the media attention on the actress and her show (which made less and less subtle reference to a possible change of sexual orientation of its protagonist) became somewhat overbearing to all. Well, anyway let’s back up. By the end of the third season, producers were becoming frustrated by the fact that Ellen (Morgan in the show) were not dating anyone on the show. Disney (who owns ABC) suggested that since the character showed no inclination toward dating, she should get a puppy — you’ll see why it’s important. It was summer 1996. DeGeneres and her writers began negotiations with the network to have Morgan come out during season Four. Word of the secret negotiations leaked in September of that year, but without any clues if the character, the actress, or both would come out. Between that time and the announcement of the coming out episode in march of 1997, GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) even launched a campaign called “Let Ellen Out!”. With the official announcement of the episode, backlash followed. The studio received a least one bomb threat. DeGeneres was followed by car to the studio by a “suspicious man”. thousands of hate letters were send to the actress, ABC and Oprah Winfrey (who guest starred in the episode as Ellen’s shrink).

Prior to the broadcasting of the episode, Ellen made the cover of Time magazine on April 14 with the words “YEP, I’M GAY”, ending speculations about her real-life sexuality.

On April 30th, The Puppy Episode (see, it was important) became the highest-rated episode of Ellen with 42 million viewers. On the media and professional side, the episode received universal acclaim. It won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series, a Peabody Award and DeGeneres received a GLAAD Media Award the following year. It was described as “the most hyped, anticipated possibly influential gay moment on television”, paving the way for more LGBT-oriented programs such as Will & Grace (1998), The L Word (2004) or Ugly Betty (2006). The episode was itself ranked #35 on TV Guide’s list of “100 greatest episodes of all-time”.

Following the rating success of the episode, Ellen received full support from the network and the show was renewed for a fifth season.

Well, sort of.

BE GAY BUT NOT TOO GAY

Season five came on the air with a parental advisory warning at the beginning of of every episode. To that, DeGeneres said “It was like this voice like you’re entering some kind of radiation center. It was very offensive, and you don’t think that’s going to affect ratings ?”. Furthermore, the exploration of this new world by the character (learning more about the community, finding a partner) was strongly criticized by viewers, even queer celebrities like Chaz Bono. Ratings severely declined and ABC canceled it the end of the 1997–1998 season.

DeGeneres returned to stand-up and tried a TV comeback in 2001 with the short-lived sitcom The Ellen Show, in which her character is openly gay from the start. The show was cancelled after 13 episodes, with 5 left unaired.

Backlash followed the three women that took part of The Puppy Episode. While DeGeneres ended up without a sitcom within a year, Laura Dern (who played Morgan’s love interest) stated that she did not work for over a year because of her appearance on the show. We’re talking about a Oscar-nominated actress, second-generation Hollywood royalty. Still, Dern described her experience as extraordinary and was thrilled at the opportunity to take part of the episode. Oprah Winfrey received over 900 calls and letters from viewers the day following the Puppy Episode, calling her every racist term there is. It also restarted the rumor that she was involved in a gay relationship with best friend Gayle King (for those who don’t know who Gayle King is, just watch her R. Kelly interview of this year. She’s da boss).

Today, Winfrey is still the biggest medial mogul there is. Dern is still working actively, received an Emmy for Big Little Lies and was nominated for a second Oscar in 2014.

DeGeneres launched (on ABC) her own day-time talk show in 2003. To this day, the show has been on the air for 16 years and produced over 3000 episodes. It is officially renewed until 2022 and DeGeneres has won 30 Emmy Awards (mostly for the talk show).

LES-GAY-CY

You need to remember that in 1997, no one was talking publicly about his or her sexuality. It was something to keep to yourself and certainly not make a whole fuss about it. In this context, the fact that Ellen DeGeneres got approval to make her character the first openly gay protagonist on network television AND made the cover of Time Magazine with the greatest coming-out announcement of all-time is pretty incredible. She said “I had a lot of death threats, a lot. And there was a bomb scare when we shot. It was tough,” she said. “That’s why most people don’t come out, because you think you’re going to lose your career and so people choose a career over being truthful and I decided to feel that being truthful was more important than a career." She paved the way for so many celebrities to free themselves from heteronormative appearances in order to get jobs. Also, media representation is important. Where would we be today if she didn’t had the courage of be so open ? Would we have marriage and (some sort of) equality ? I think not. She helped accelerating the process by years and years. She was crucified for it and even if she’s now doing very, very, very well (77 million dollars in 2018) for herself, she could have ruined her career for good. Ellen DeGeneres did this for us. Also, a bit for herself as a coming out is normally not about anybody but you. But mostly for us. For that, I am thankful.

[thecourtneychronicles]

“What’s the writing process for a show like Under the Covers?

It starts with the title. Well, it starts with the poster! You’re forced into a title, image and concept. This one is covers of covers – It’s Oh So Quiet by Bjork, Gloria by Laura Branigan are covers… I did the show last year around the UK and Australia. Underbelly asked me to bring it back this year at South Bank!

Will there be any changes this time?

I’ll be doing it with a band. A few songs, a few hairdos, and the encore might be ballroom dancing…

Were you happy with the reaction to Dancing with the Stars?

It’s been amazing. Maybe I didn’t delve deep enough into negative comments and feedback, but everyone seems supportive. People were like ‘It’s weird this should be a first.’

Would you do Strictly?

If they asked. But I feel having just done Dancing With the Stars precludes me from that.

It’s so striking, the difference between the Australian and the UK versions, when it comes to gender formats…

Ballroom dancing, especially in the UK, is a very rigid, old school thing. That’s used as an excuse to not move with the times. But surely my appearance on Dancing With the Stars will encourage Strictly to have same-sex partnerships?

What else do you have coming up this year?

My schedule is up in the air. I’ve got all these spinning plates. We just shot a pilot in LA for a late night talk show!

Does negative commentary bother you?

No. There’s been very little negative backlash to Big Brother, Dancing With the Stars, The Bi Life, the Christmas special, any of those things in the mainstream.

I asked Jinkx Monsoon about the extremes of Drag Race fandom; when it oversteps the line into abuse. LGBT people who…

…not always. The majority of the Drag Race fandom is straight women. There’s definitely a level of toxicity in the fandom. But the problem is, it’s a vocal minority. Often, one negative comment, and it’s ‘people are saying this!’ People aren’t saying it. A person said it. You have to be mindful of how much attention you pay to negative comments.

You’ve been in entertainment for so long – has it always been like this?

We didn’t have social media when I was on Australian Idol! Or YouTube, comments sections – we barely had the Internet! It’s been interesting watching it evolve. I think it’s gotten better, because there’s more accountability on social. And there’s a block button, which I use.

Have you ever blocked a famous person?

I’ve certainly muted a few!

Do you feel pressure from society to appear a certain way, or the way society thinks nonbinary people should present, because of the misconception that you can’t be femme nonbinary or masc nonbinary, otherwise you might as well subscribe to male or female?

People who are nonbinary, gender nonconforming, gender-queer, gender-fluid – by definition, they’ve already stepped away from society’s expectations. The whole point of self-identification is, you’re the one who decided. So it’s counter-intuitive to the process. But yeah, I’m sure there are pressures. It’s interesting because I remember many years ago when I discovered the term gender-fluid. I felt liberated from the expectation of gender. It literally set me free from 30-something years of one of my biggest and most consistent battles. The expectation to ‘be a man.’

Do you remember coming into contact with the term?

Yes. Chaz Bono and I were having a conversation. We became good friends after Drag Race. We were on the phone and he said ‘have you ever heard of the term gender-fluid?’ I was like ‘no, what’s that?’ He described it to me and it as a pivotal moment.

From my late teens, 20s, I thought the only option was to be cis or trans. I didn’t quite feel either were me. I’d always struggled with the trans identity, even though I knew what I was supposed to be. I thought the only option was to be trans.

So you contemplated that you could’ve been trans?

Yeah, definitely. Many times in my 20s I questioned my gender identity. I was too afraid to fully consider it. I had a lot of internalized transphobia. I really struggled. A few times a year it’d consume me and pull me under. Before the conversation with Chaz, I remember calling my best friend Vanity. I thought I was calling to come out as trans. I thought I was finally ready to admit it, and needed that friend who’d listen and not judge. I got to the end of the conversation and thought ‘oh. I don’t think I am trans. I really like being a boy, I really like being a girl.’ And at that time, I was still afraid of the middle.

When Chaz and I discussed gender-fluid, it was weird to know that was what I’d always been, but because I never had a word for it, I always struggled with it. I was always trying to be more masculine than I was. I mean, I failed miserably! But I always was trying to be a man, especially in the bedroom with other guys when I was presenting as Shane.

It’s interesting because now I’m just me. I’m not afraid of the words ‘man’ or ‘woman’ or the middle ground anymore.

When we last spoke you were dating someone you met at Tom and Dustin’s New Year’s Eve party…

Yes. We’re no longer dating. But I can tell you, London is the city for dating. Sydney, nah, LA, nah. But I’ve dated a bunch of people in London in ways that I never have before. I love it. I went on a date with an opposite sex couple – a man and a woman – which was fun. I met them on an app, Field, for couples seeking a third. I met my ex-boyfriend on that. We were both singles seeking whatever! That app is handy, because people are more open when it comes to gender and sexuality. For a lot of ‘capital G’ gays, the idea of having a boyfriend who does drag or is feminine can be a bit confronting still. It’s getting better. For a lot of pan and bi guys, they’re attracted to masculinity and femininity.

Are you excited about Drag Race UK?

Drag Race in the US is wonderful but after 11 seasons and however many All Stars, it feels… I’m excited for the cultural injection. And to see the UK interpretation of drag. The girls are so influenced. The girls on season 11 started doing drag long after Drag Race began. Drag Race is huge and popular in the UK, but it’s still a fresh approach to drag. Drag as a culture needs new blood. The UK version is going to be so important for stopping drag becoming stale or predictable. It’s do different here. It can be polished, but some of the most entertaining drag I’ve seen has been roughly presented; the looks, the commentary, the politics.

Do you keep up with the US show?

I have every single season up until this one. I don’t know why. I watched episode three and just stopped watching. I didn’t feel as compelled. It just hasn’t taken me, and I’m a super fan of the show. I’m not one of those jaded people. I genuinely love it. Once my Underbelly show’s up and running I’ll have more time. But I do love Nina West. I knew her before and she is fabulous.”

Courtney’s interview with Gay Star News - May 13, 2019

[curly-butch]

why it doesn’t make any fucking sense that scarjo is playing the role of a trans man in the upcoming film “rub and tug”

1. marginalized actors are discriminated from the film industry because they’re not cishet white people. a trans man could’ve been cast for this role (and it’s pretty rare that people make movies telling the story of trans people). this was an amazing opportunity for any trans actor to get the fame they deserve (CHAZ BONO FOR EXAMPLE), but hollywood decided to be a lil bitch and let scarjo just snatch that opportunity from people who really deserve it.

2. not only is this transphobic af, it’s also fatphobic. do you KNOW what tex gill looked like? he was overweight. what the fuck does scarlett johansson even have to do with that body type? who does she think she is??

3. this only renforces the stereotype that trans people are just cis people dressing up. if you look at all the media summarizing the story, they’re not mentioning it’s a trans man, they’re just saying “it’s a woman who likes to dress up as a man!”. not only are they saying he was a woman, but they’re also claiming he was a lesbian! i mean,,,, how fucking uneducated are these people, it’s unbelievable

4. they don’t even know what they’re taking about! it’s all cis people on the set (okay i haven’t done much research for this one but i think people would’ve mentioned it more if there were ACTUAL trans people working on the set). the director and the main actress are transphobes who don’t even bother to get educated before making a movie about the story of a trans person. also, from what i’ve heard, they’ll be mentioning his dead name in the movie! which is just disgusting and again, TRANSPHOBIC

5. this isn’t the first time she’s done this! she played an asian woman in another movie (cast in the shell) (which was directed by the same guy who will be directing rub & dug) and people were not okay with it and she was told it wasn’t okay. so she heard them, she was aware that she was being disrespectful to trans people but still decided to audition for the part on rub and tug

6. have you heard her excuse for why she should be allowed to play a trans character???? fucking immature and invalid excuse imo. she said that because other cis people have done it, she should be allowed to do it herself. it wasn’t ok when jared leto did it. it wasn’t ok when eddie redmayne did it. it’s not fucking ok if she does it.

anyways, i love it when cis people try to be allies to trans people but the way scarjo is doing it isn’t the right way. she’s just stealing trans people’s thunder. do some fucking research before you do stuff like that. do some research on how to be an ally! on how to support trans people! not the way scarjo is doing it!

the message i’m trying to get across : cast trans men as trans men and cast trans women as trans women. also, trans men are real men and should also be casted as cis men in movies and vice versa for trans women. we need all the representation we can get. stop fucking discriminating and using your privilege to be transphobic to minorities for your own pleasure, hollywood. wake the fuck up !

[good--bye--binary]

They/Them or She/Her

Happy Priiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!! 🌈🏳️‍🌈

I got a couple of pics in before heading out to the Chicago Pride Parade today and even talked my mom into taking a couple selfies with me while we were there!

I’m also in the process of coming out to every person I know that I haven’t yet. Most of these are people that are very important to me, but either I don’t get to see them very often and/or they’re more conservative and not at all educated on LGBTQ issues. To that end, I finally wrote a coming out letter and I thought I’d post it here just in case anyone else wanted to use portions of it! 😁

Dear ________,

In case you didn’t already know, this month is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. Both because of this and, more importantly, because I respect and cherish our relationship, I feel compelled to tell you that I am transgender. Specifically, I am non-binary, genderfluid, and transfeminine (more on all of those terms later). Although I have always questioned my gender, I came out to myself in November of 2016. Now I feel it is the right time for absolutely everyone to know.

I have written, deleted, rewritten, and revised this letter many times over many months because I want it to be as clear as possible. To that end, I thought it best to organize it as a list of questions directed towards myself, questions that I would expect you to have. Of course if you ever want me to explain something more, an answer doesn’t make sense, or you have a question that isn’t on here, PLEASE TALK TO ME. You might find that reading these questions and answers are enough, but if you don’t, I would much rather you talk to me directly rather than speculate, be confused, or turn to the internet which may have misleading or inaccurate information. On this last point, I don’t just mean anti-LGBTQ+ websites and organizations; gender is a very complicated and personal experience, so even pro-LGBTQ+ literature may define or explain terms in ways that are different from how I apply them to my gender experience.

Q1. How do you know/what makes you think you’re transgender? A1. Like almost all LGBTQ+ people will tell you, I always knew I was somehow different from most of the other kids. For me, it was about never feeling completely comfortable or understood by boys and men. For as long as I can remember, I have not only preferred the company of girls and women, but I have never felt “like one of the boys.” My closest friends have always been (and continue to be) women. Even in films, TV shows, video games, novels, and short stories, I almost immediately identify with female characters, but rarely do I do the same with male characters.

Have I been able to “fit in” with boys/men in the past? Yes, of course I have, because society has always suggested that I should and that there would be consequences if I didn’t. Did I enjoy the act of having to hide, censor, and think very deliberately about my behavior so that I wasn’t bullied or seen as weird? Absolutely not. I went to sleepovers at my male friends’ houses in grade school, but I hated them. I would get terrible anxiety as the scheduled day came closer and once I got there, I couldn’t wait for them to be over. I hated “acting like a boy.” It brought me literal pain and discomfort.

These feelings of pain, discomfort, and anxiety are symptoms of what is known as dysphoria. Dysphoria is an experience that nearly all transfolk experience. Euphoria is the feeling that everything is perfect—being in a state of mind that is complete bliss and one that you hope will never end. Dysphoria is the opposite of that. It’s the feeling that everything is wrong—a mental and emotional state of torture that feels like it will swallow you up and crush your spirit forever. When applied to transfolk specifically, dysphoria is what we used to mean when we said things like “I feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body” or vice versa. That phrase typically isn’t used any more because it implies that a person is only a man if they have a “male body”/a woman if they have a “female body,” but the intended meaning is the same.

I know that I’m transgender because I experience dysphoria. There are days that I look at myself and I just want to throw up because I don’t feel like I look right from a gender perspective. It feels like I’ve hijacked some other person’s body, like there’s a disconnect between my mind and the person I see in the mirror. Some days I look at my men’s clothes and putting them on feels like putting on clothes made of fire or acid. I see the hair on my legs and I want to rip each and every one of them out. This is dysphoria and it feels terrible.

Q2. What do you do when you feel this way? A2. Before I came out in November of 2016, I just buried it. As a child, I of course had no idea why I felt this way. Not only that, but even in the 1990s society wasn’t ready to talk about gender the way we talk about it now, so the idea of saying I was transgender could never cross my mind because there was next to no representation of transfolk. But now, when my dysphoria hits, I don’t avoid it. I listen to my body, think to myself, “Ok, so you’re not a man today,” and adjust my gender presentation accordingly. This brings me to my specific labels of being non-binary and genderfluid.

Traditionally in Western/American culture, we think of gender as a binary experience—everyone is either a man or a woman. Even most transfolk that you may be familiar with, like Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings, Laverne Cox, and Chaz Bono, are all binary transfolk. They identify as the “opposite” gender they were assigned at birth. Being non-binary means that I don’t completely identify as a man OR as a woman. Some non-binary people identify as more male than female, more female than male, or feel that they have no gender at all (this is known as being agender). However, I also identify as genderfluid, which means that similar to how water (or any fluid) in a glass can move fluidly in a glass depending on how you tilt it, my gender also moves fluidly.

Try thinking about gender as a spectrum (which nearly all psychologists agree it is), a line from 0 to 10. On one end, you have the feeling of being completely male all of the time and on the other side being completely female.

Though it is impossible to qualify with any kind of numbers, I would say my gender identity varies from day-to-day anywhere between a 4 and and a 10. Because I am more likely to be on the feminine side of the spectrum (6-10), I can also say that I’m transfeminine, meaning that while I don’t identify as a woman every single day (and thus am not a trans woman), I do, on average, tend to feel more like a woman than a man.

So, on days that I’m at a 4 or a 5, I probably just look like what you would expect a man to look like. However, if I’m at a 7, maybe I’ll wear “mens clothes” but also wear some make-up and/or nail polish. If I’m at a 9 or 10, I probably will wear “womens clothes,” make-up, a stuffed bra, and sometimes a wig. However, no matter what my gender expression/presentation is, I’m always non-binary.

Q3. Does this mean you’re a crossdresser? A3. No. Crossdressing is a hobby, which is totally fine if that’s what you’re into. It usually refers to men who always identify as men but find it “fun” to dress in women’s clothes. When I’m a man, I wear men’s clothes. When I’m a woman, I wear women’s clothes. It’s not a fetish or a hobby. I dress for whatever my gender is that day.

Q4. Does this mean you’re gay? A4. Because my gender is constantly shifting, labels like straight, gay, lesbian, and bisexual don’t apply to me. A person’s sexuality is defined not only by who they’re attracted to, but also their own gender. A man who is a attracted to men is gay. A woman who is attracted to men and women is bi. I am only attracted to women, but I myself am neither a man or a woman, so I can’t say that I’m straight, nor can I say that I’m a lesbian. Therefore, it’s most accurate for me to say that I’m attracted to women and just leave it at that.

Q5. What am I supposed to call you now? Are you changing your name? A5. I still go by Rich. If I’m in a very public place (like when placing an order at Starbucks for example) and I’m identifying/presenting as a woman and don’t want to get clocked as transgender, then I use the name Christina.

The only big change is that I don’t go by gendered pronouns (he/him or she/her). Like most non-binary people, I go by the gender neutral they/them. For example, a friend of mine wouldn’t say, “That’s my friend, Rich. He is an English teacher.” Instead, that friend would say, “This is my friend, Rich. They are an English teacher.” You might notice that I changed the gender preference on Facebook to reflect this (i.e. “Rich has changed their profile picture”).

Also, in general, I do not appreciate being addressed with terms/phrases like “Hey man” or “What’s up, dude?” I understand that most of the time when people use “man” or “dude,” they don’t mean it in a gendered way, but it still really aggravates my dysphoria to be called “dude,” even if I’m identifying/presenting as more masculine.

I also understand and can respect that having to think about my pronouns like this may seem strange and/or difficult to remember, but all I ask is that you try your best and definitely don’t misgender me on purpose.

Q6. Are you going to have “the surgery”/a sex change? A6. Just for the record, the term “sex change” isn’t used any more; the medical term is gender reassignment surgery (or GRS). But no, I am not. I do not plan on undergoing any kind of surgery to change my sex nor do I plan on taking hormones. My wardrobe and gender pronouns are enough to qualm any dysphoria.

I know that this is a lot to take in, both literally in the sense that it was almost 2,000 words long and uses terms you might never have heard of before, but also that it might be emotionally difficult, so thank you if you’ve made it this far into this letter. All I can say is that I wanted to come out to you because I love you and because I care about our relationship. I don’t want to be ashamed or hide who I am from you any more. Take as much time as you need to process this and again, please, if you have any more questions or concerns, talk to me. You can call me, text me, or write me a letter of your own, whatever makes you most comfortable.

Much thanks and even more love, Rich

[cloudsinsummertime]

Tell me 5 GOOD trans actors that could be in the movie instead of her. She was casted because she's a good actress calm your tits

you know there are trans actors out there right now who aren’t getting cast because filmmakers genuinely think trans people are cis people in dress up and by casting a trans person that would prove that they’re wrong? well known trans actors and actresses like laverne cox, elliot fletcher and chaz bono are few and far between because films don’t cast us because they want to perpetuate harmful and dangerous ideas about us. the fact that i can’t name that many trans actors is literally part of the fucking problem. stop being an idiot and think critically oh my god