#she needs to fix her phone
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me when she basically says she loves my autism swag 🤞
#ugh i miss her#she needs to fix her phone#i cant deal w this#she makes me scream into my pillow#everytime i say smth she says she loves it#or thats what she loves abt me 😭#I NEED TO BE STOPPED#im obsessed help#this loser lesbian cannot be stopped#random rambles
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My uzi interpretation !!
#i keep making edits to this but i need to stop bc i have a commission to do i need to lock in#also i need to make N next so i can do a nuzi scene redraw#Ill put this in the tags in the morning maybe#ok extra rambling time#my art#BUT I HAVE A HANDFUL OF DESIGN NOTES FOR THIS#first I feel like she would have a more scenemo type of style for the reason of i wanna draw her in cute clothes#and her nails are painted like yuta aoi ftom the hit game ensemble stars#also her necklace is an actual necklacr i own hehehe#i almost gave her a ciel phantomhive phone charm but decided against it bc that would be too hard#to draw#but it was a possibility bc i have a book of circus ciel charm on my phone lol#I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING MORE#OH!! her and N have matching bracelets on their tails. this is so important#i may have made this drawing too. pink purpley#will i fix that tmrw idk#probably not i love pink#OKAAY goodnight i have my history final tmrw#wait this is very experimental btw idk if i will continue drawinf drones like this#this is more like my normal style but im undure if its a style i wanna commit to w em#i had to look up a random nightcore playlist for this#uzi doorman#murder drones#forgot to tag it when i woke up
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.
#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags#cw personal#once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says#THEY don't#they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated#like will she take my insurance or not who's right here#anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now#why the hell is this so hard man#the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain#once again no one knows what they're talking about#like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds#and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover#*contracted#not retyping all of that#and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim#and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart#and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH#like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles#the bureaucracy is INSANE#i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second#and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH#literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times#like not on the phone after I hung up obvs
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Considering one of Trinne’s biggest flaws is that she cares too much and thus doesn’t think things through before reacting, I’m currently laughing over this comment
and trying to figure out how to reply. 🤣
I wanna be nice but also would love to know how they got that.
#queen rambles#like#what’s a non-condescending sounding way to ask how they reached that conclusion?#bc she CAN be abrasive/outspoken but if I’m portraying my girl wrong I wanna fix it#but literally 75% of the trouble she gets in is bc she cares too much to be logical#it’s one of the main butting-heads-with-Harvey points early on#I need to check on my computer and see which chapter this is (I’m not logged into ao3 on my phone)#bc that might make it make more sense#😂😂😂😂#if it’s when she’s all grumpy from lack of sleep and A Wild Jowan Appears it’ll make more sense#it’s just genuinely FUNNY to me that miss ‘got grey wardened bc she cared about her bff too much’#miss ‘offers to fry the nemesis of a companion she’s just starting to tolerate’#miss ‘we have to save EVERYONE wym we can’t do more?!?!?’#somehow came off as uncaring#???????
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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Today certainly is a great day to be (still) in withdrawal! :)
Endcap Sunday, huge pain in my ass as it always is. Took all my time at work to finish
My key completely snapped off in the lock when I went to my aunts house.
And my temper is in the negatives
Fun fun fun
#and my phone wont send pictures for some reason and i cant send the lock pictures to mom to explain to her that a stranger cannot break#into the house using the broken key BC THE KEY IS ALL THE WAY IN THERE BLOCKING EVEN LOCKPICKS#and shes not getting that we cannot fix it ourselves bc we cant remove ad replace the lock set ourselves#and that its sunday so we cannot get a locksmith for a reasonable price and that she shouldnt leave worm#work goddamn autocorrect#bc its not like i NEED anything from my aunts i just go there to clean and it's like what the fuck do you not get????#like really what point do you not understand#marquilla#and im so beyond fed up ab being in withdrawal#everything is so annoying and so fucking stupid and i want to jump off a cliff
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#kirby#cursed image#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#honestly we're lucky it took this long to get truly cursed#walked into the leasing office and they were appropriately concerned it still wasn't fixed#they sent maintenance who said yeah we'll need to call a contractor#so I gotta walk back again tomorrow to make sure that's actually in process#plus! just as a fun little bonus!#the internet is acting funny and att is such a garbage company it is literally impossible for me to reach customer service from my phone!#because my wife is the one with all her info on the account and their website is broken so I can't verify my phone number!#and they point blank refuse to let me speak to a human being if my phone isn't associated with the account.#so I've gotta just put pressure on her to bother them about it when she can which sucks for both of us!#if you have a non-att isp in your area you should probably just go with that one instead#whatever it is at least it probably won't be worse#I'm Having A Great Time Thanks For Asking
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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the daily ordeal of being left on read by my mom
#i kinda doubt she knows she has read receipts on#bc like three times a year she accidentally turns her phone on silent mode and doesnt know how to fix it#so i feel like she probably enabled them accidentally#but i sent her a text thats like 'i need to get out of here this semester is hell i hate this'#and she left me on read 😭
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being online makes me feel so isolated because i cant reach out to a single soul without feeling terrified of the rejection. im too tired to be any kind of meaningful friend or even mutual, but i have absolutely no one in real life. i come online for my crumbs of socialization and human interaction that i desperately crave, but once i have it i just feel more lonely. like people talk to me out of pity, out of feeling sorry, or just that they will always have people they like more. i feel like a baby. i feel like someone who will always be watching everyone else live the life i desperately want through the lens of social media while i rot alone in the house that killed me before i was born
#honey's words#this is dumb. i will probably delete. but who else could i even tell#writing in my virtual diary today...#and i am soooo fucking stressed. being with my mom in the same house is literally killing me#i screamed at the top of my lungs and shattered my phone throwing it at the ground yesterday and i juzt feel so much shame#i keep crying i keep having episodes its all going to kill me if i dont leave#my car needs fixing but my mom only wants me to make money for her as always#i just. oh my god can i just actually kill myself#and she legit juzt texted me asking for a carton of cigarettes. haha . just another $50 i need to scrounge up#by driving doordash with my car that desperately needs fixing but i can't!! BECAUSE I HAVE TO GIVE HER ALL MY FUCKING MONEY!!!#please... no more. literally no more. i have to go back to sleep bc thats the only time im not wanting to die#im scared for myself genuinely. i dont think i can make it through this time. i dont think i will survive .. i wasnt made to. god i am#two steps away from begging the lord to help me and im an atheist ahiwjsjs. there has to be some kind of relief.
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These days I'm mostly realizing I'm getting older because I'm suddenly looking after my parents more and more often, now that they're getting more vulnerable with age.
#That and my gen z coworkers calling me boomer all the time which is just Rude.#My father is retiring in 6 months and he has to do some financial stuff and he's just not understanding it#and of course it's all digital which he's not understanding even more#and I'm just seeing he's more vulnerable and he's not sure anymore what it all entails#(the things he handled for his retirement 30 years ago)#so we were just on the phone for an hour trying to figure it out#and he's coming over tomorrow so I can fix it for him#and I'm reading the terms of condition to make sure he's not falling for anything weird#and I've been having more of these moments where I'm texting my sister like we need to keep a close eye on dad#he's getting older and I'm noticing some things#I'm worried about him sometimes; he's been working full time since he was 15#and now he's suddenly not gonna be working anymore#and when I visit his house I'm like do I need to go over there to help out with some stuff?#it's pretty confronting...#personal#my mother takes care of herself mostly and she has her partner so she's not alone#I also lowkey gotta take care of my sister#and I'm the one approached for things like this#because my sister's a big ole mess#and I told my sister and she didn't offer to help or anything#she was just like haha really? and then started sending me 20 text about a dumb movie she was watching#I mean it's fine and it's what I've expected it's just a reality I need to get used to
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it's actually evil that you need to have a (newer) smartphone and an app to confirm the transaction every time you want to transfer money
for many, many reasons, but mostly because it's one more thing I need to keep figuring out for my mother and I don't want to!
#first I had to add her account to my app and deal with that for six months because her phone was too old for the app#then I gave her my phone when I got a new one (the fact that she needed one for that was a big factor in me buying a new one)#and had to set all of that up.#and now. she keeps having problems with it!! and she doesn't understand my instructions on the phone!! so I have to drive over there to fix#whatever she did#which right now only takes 30 minutes if I'm lucky (depends on how annoying she wants to be that day)#but once we move it'll be an hour of driving alone. plus the time I'll have to spend at her place.#so yeah I'm pissed off about it#the TAN generator things that you put your bank card in worked perfectly fine but noooo everyone has a smartphone right 🙄🙄🙄#fucking hate that shit#especially since the tiny branch of her bank in her village closed a few years ago. so yeah either you have a smartphone and someone to help#you set that up and solve any issues. or you have a car to drive to the nearest bank and do it that way.#this sucks#personal
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I rlly need to get out of this house my brat ass brother took my computer and I cant draw.
#vent#I need to scream into the void sorry#he filmed my sister having a meltdown and shoved the phone on her face until she screamed#and now he grabs my stuff. damn.#personal#I cant keep raising this fucker my mom did a shit job and I cant fix him#my sister deserves better
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there's this woman who is in the university library every day on the quiet floor talking on the phone to either the bank or congress and I don't think she knows it but she has been branded an antagonist in my life forever and ever
#maybe because the first time i heard her she was arguing on the phone with her bank about some problem with her account and telling them#they need to fix it cause she doesnt even have money for a meal today#and i stealed my socially anxious ass for a good half hour to work up the courage to get up and offer her either my food or like to go#get her food#and I fucking look up and shes eating a sandwich#which okay yeah shes iconic but i was caught in the crossfire and I'll never forget
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Thinking abt my dupe ocs again... Maybe Quinn does have hashtag issues actually
#rat rambles#oni posting#oc posting#theyre very well known and liked amongst all the colonies as y'know. they helped found all of them.#and theyve always been very friendly and kind and they have always taken their responsibilities incredibly seriously#and when they get time to be on a planet they relish it as they have a great deal of appreciation for the beauty of these worlds#but one thing that has always been a thing for them is that they've never rly had like. friends amongst these colonies#partially because of them having to travel constantly but even when they get time to hang out more theyve sort of unconsciously trained#themself to be a bit emotionaly detached from those around them#it also doesnt help that theyre a digger and usually one of like 2 or 3 on any given planetoid#which earlier on meant thar they rarely encountered other dupes and late on left then with little to do as most of the ongoing work was#already being managed by others specifically trained for the role#so the isolation started to get to them and they started to get rly antsy and didn't know why or how to fix it#when the printing pod went offline they were one of the ones more calm abt the matter due to them being generally more used to the unknown#and this combined with their general good reputation lead to a lot of dupes looking to them for direction and answers alongside burt#this actually made quinn feel rly good for a while since it was their excuse to actually talk to ppl regularly and in more personal ways#theyd hear out ppls anxieties and ideas and newest passions and goals and theyd actually feel like theyre hearing the words said#they liked the feeling of everyone wanting to be around them and seeking them out even on other planetoids#they'd get phone calls and people taking breaks from their work to come say hi and it made them feel real#but as time went on and their fellow dupes became more and more self reliant they began to seek them out less and less#because why bother someone so important and busy when you dont need to right?#and this lead to quinn going wait no why did you all leave me again :(#it felt like before but worse because now they actually had started considering a lot of these guys friends#and they still had no idea how to reach out themself without a work reason and as such they sorta started dissolving again#and its during this time when they start missing the pod and start to get more upset that shes gone#they end up returning to the original partially to be closer to her and partially because it feels the most like home to them#there they start to slowly learn to reach out themself as they sort of sit in a corner watching burt work while shaking like a small dog#this at first is very unwanted by burt who is stressed as hell but they end up forcing him to stick to an actual shift instead of just#working until he passes out and this allows them to hang out while they force him to have downtime with them to keep him from exploding#it becomes a nice comfort time for them both as they rly havent hung out much since the first like 100 cycles or so
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Even though it’s annoying, maybe you could look at any anon asks you want to on mobile. Type it out on your laptop, then copy and paste to post the answer on mobile?? Although I get that’s extra steps for something that is definitely just tumblrs fault!
WAIT NVM I FIXED IT ?? it was just my uni's wifi cutting them out i guess?? that is so weird what does my uni's wifi have to do with my tumblr inbox
#i thought about switching off my wifi bc my professor just said the folder she needs was deleted from her computer all of a sudden#so i switched off my wifi and used my hotspot and it was all fixed!!#the problem is my phone is gonna die lmao but at least the problem is solved <3
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