#she rocked this blond wig tho

[acecroft]

EVA GREEN as Milady de Winter in Les Trois Mousquetaires: D'Artagnan (2023)

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

rhys finds out isaac was blond and promptly loses it cuz that’s the fourth blond person his wife liked, and he is, observably, not blond

[lovelybunn]

lgbtqia+ headcanons !ㅤㅤ– feat. stan, kyle, cartman, kenny, n butters !

warning(s): swearing, some homophobic themes, slight mention of sex

author's note: since its gay month, wanted to post this (and its been rotting in my drafts) so here yall go, ya skittles !!!!

stan marsh .

he/him –ㅤㅤhis parents have taught him (mostly randy) that there are only two genders, female and male, and he identifies as cis. so if you tell him you use any pronouns other than she/her or he/him, and/or ask him for his pronouns, he'll look at you funny. although, he'll try and respect them anyway.

bisexual –ㅤㅤwhen he first met wendy, of course he thought he was straight, but then he started gaining weird feelings for kyle that he couldn't explain. so of course, with the help of useless buzzfeed quizzes and google, that's when stan found out that he's bisexual.

demisexual –ㅤㅤeven when stan hit puberty, he never was interested in the topic of sex in general. one time kenny showed him one of his magazines, and he didn't even bat an eye. of course, as he got older it was a lot more appealing, but he felt like sexual attraction was pretty much pointless. he rarely will refer to himself as "demi", though.

ㅤ

kyle broflovski .

he/they –ㅤㅤkyle has never felt quite whole with the labels "boy", "male", etc... he had always felt there was more to it, he just never took the time to really think about it. he found out what he was missing while walking to class. two openly queer kids had complimented his outfit for that day, "man, i love that dude's shirt!" "yeah, they're totally rocking that fit!" those simple words sparked a sense of euphoria deep inside kyle's core, yet, since he knew up to nothing about queer culture at the time, he couldn't figure out why. after school he did some extensive research on his situation, finally giving a label to how he was feeling. kyle broflovski was a demi-boy.

bisexual, masc leaning –ㅤㅤkyle never thought too much about his romantic/sexual preferences, he was too studious to even have something like that on his mind. although, one day at school stan had shown up with his hair dyed blond. kyle's poor heart pounded so hard he started sweating.. he had always thought almost every girl was pretty, but that day made him realize that boys could be pretty too.

ㅤ

eric cartman .

he/him –ㅤㅤhe has a male superiority complex so bad and he thinks "pronouns" and "more than two genders" is dumb ("my pronouns are U/S/A *bald eagle screeching*")

homophobic closeted homosexual –ㅤㅤhave y'all seen the gay ass shit he's pulled on kyle? that boy is obviously in denial. but he uses the word "gay" as an insult, so of course he's homophobic.

secretly a drag queen –ㅤㅤremember when he wore that cheetah/leopard print shirt and embarrassed his mother on live television? yeah, and the time he wore that blond wig? he has an entire closet dedicated to his craft. more than once has he walked around his room in full drag acting like he's walking down the runway. (he can't do makeup for shit tho...)

ㅤ

kenny mccormick .

he/she/they –ㅤㅤidk, kenny just gives very enby vibes. he doesn't mind being referred to as "he/she", it's just they like being perceived as androgynous. kenny is a #1 "clothes have no gender" believer.

pansexual –ㅤㅤthere have been many times in the show itself that point to kenny liking more than one gender, and them being bi doesn't really work and neither does omni, cuz they don't really have a preference, pan is the best assumption.

ㅤ

butters scotch .

any pronouns –ㅤㅤ"oh, you use xe/xem? me too!" this lil child just loves collecting pronouns like pokémon cards, butters' autism feeds on it. a lot of times, if someone tells him that they use a pronoun that she hasn't heard of, that shit will get snatched so fast, it's not even funny.

gender-fluid –ㅤㅤy'know how butters was misdiagnosed with multiple personality disorder? yeah, that was just them flowing between genders. one day butters will feel extremely masculine, the next hyper-feminine, and the next neither or both. sometimes he'll even switch within a day, it depends.

polyamorous –ㅤㅤbutters is very open both romantically and platonically. he believes there is no such barriers or limits to love, that love should be given to everyone fully and freely, without discrimination. ( + more people, more cuddles !!!)

[heatherchasesyou]

Okay I have to know, why did you pick SH3?

(for me I remember being a young teen and seeing it at the video store, I had play Resident Evil, and other horror games, but SH3 just really struck me because the protagonist was a teen girl just like me! (And we were rocking the same hair at that point) I was actually a few years younger but I could aspire to Heather, she was also so capable, I mean she found herself in this crazy hell world and was just like getting through it, she sassed everyone (gotta love her giving the business to Vinny and Claudia) she wasn't some helpless girl who needed to be rescued (not to say there aren't bad ass ladies in games) but I hadn't seen anything like that before, and then add the OST, otherworld was just so insane...I mean it was perfect and began my real love of horror games.

Oh and Vincent was just too charming....and Robbie was the perfect mascot.

Tbh i never saw my bros playing SH3, all i know is that one of em played it on my grandma's house..at night..all alone (the perfect horror experience for a good horror game 😎) and i know u just wanna know why SH3 is my fav but I NEED to tell the whole story of how i met this nice game franchise so u can understand-

but SH3 wasn't my first SH game in that love story, I first touched SH: Shattered Memories on my bro's Wii and got stuck right in da first part where Harry get's out of his car and go search for Cheryl on da streets (yes i was a big noob), then i never touched it again. So some years later one of my bros decided to play SH4 but the intro was just too terrifying for my scared ass so i just quit LMAO. so in 2019 after i finished with my Death Note fever i asked my self "huh...what's with the Silent Hill thing..hmmm i remember seeing my bros playing the 4th game.. i need to give it a try ig" then instead of being terrified by the intro it fascinated me and i became a big fan of the 4th game.......................but then i met SH3 and SSHEEESSHHHHHH--

I started the game, at first sigh the intro didn't impress me too much (til i watched it sum more times and literally couldn't stop listening to da intro music while going to school yes life GUUDDD) so i kept playing, it was too much information for my little brain in just one gameplay and i was just entering the fandom--

All the 90s teenager vibe captivated me, and omg HEATHER....HEATHER MA LITTLE SPRINKLE SPLOINKY!!!!

Your reasons for liking her are basically the same as mine, she's an fearless female teenager and ABSOLUTELY BASED, she kills da monsters and that's it SHE KIILLL SHE'S EPIKKKKK and i relate A LOOOT cuz when i met the game i was a teen just like her, she's officially my favorite female character 😌

Also that pog outfit, damn that coat... i fuckin want that coat... also she's the reason i started liking skirts, i bought fuckin boots bcuz of her OHH I also bought the green skirt and the orange shirt ONLY AND EXCLUSIVELY bcuz of her, and i intend to cosplay her btw😎 i just need the coat and some good blonde wig bcuz i'll never bleach my fuckin hair ever again *sobs* it fucked up w ma hair a bit--

And wot can i say about Vincent??? fuckin hot and charming yeah, sassy jus like me, i relate a bit (just a bit *forcep finger gesture* A BITTT) and somehow he always makes me laugh at this point no matter the cutscene (ok the last matter, the way he reacts to da stab is incredibly funny for me even tho i wish he didn't die), the fuckin way he walks????? pretty gay and elegant, his og voice actor is a fucking legend his voice's so pretty??? i hear him i fucking???? (dude when he low pitch his voice...damn...damn bro *dies*) his outfit is rlly nice and i like that vibe and tbh i started to like round glasses JUST bcuz of him...

Hmm CLAUDIA??? DUDE SHE'S THE BEST ANTAGONIST IMO EVER... she's so serious and intimidating, she's kinda creepy also but WHO CARES i love her...she's also another char that makes me laugh for no reason during the gameplay bcuz idk???? i just laugh. she's fuckin cool, she's also a MILF!!! FUCKIN MILF AHEAD!!!!!

After my first SH3 gameplay i played SH2 and then SH1 (love how i just played the games in reverse order but who cares tbh lmao) and then i got back on my Death Note fever in 2020--

But then 2021 came and near August or something like i played SH3 again and all the passion i used to have came back WITH SUCH STRENGTH THAT OMFG DUDE!!! I gotta be honest that i wasn't even that horny for Vincent but that last gameplay made me go crazy somehow- that's when i met that chaotic site bcuz i saw a lot of Silent Hill fanarts came from here so i was like "hmm i may try my luck here" AND HERE WE ARE!! and i'm absolutely glad to have met every single mutuals i have here, love to be part of all this mess and love doing fanservice 😌👉👈💖💖

That's it, that's ma SH3 (and SH franchise in general) love story, hope i have entertained you in this huge text bye *the curtains close and you can hear the audience clapping*

[thickenmyblood]

I’ll confess my sins. When I skipped the first chapters of Capri I got stuck on Laurent’s description as spoiled and similar to overripe fruit. So i was like ah. Royal Dudley Dursley with a blonde curly wig. Sounds about right. I finally saw some fan art and was like??? Who is this anemic Victorian vampire legolas persona?? Honestly tho in an alternate universe where Auguste doesn’t die and Laurent still dislikes sports but enjoys Veres sweet meats and his metabolism is only the slightest bit slower Laurent is absolutely getting chubby. And Damen. Smh he manages to be shadiest bitch while also being appreciating. Would he insult an overweight courtier who never touched a sword? Absolutely. Would he respect a meaty sumo ringer able to throw Damen around like a rag doll? Absolutely. He seems to appreciate multiple types of bodies just fine (muscled gladiators, frail slaves, sturdy vaskian women) so I feel like he’d also appreciate curvier partners as long as they. Well know how to use their body yk. Oh and what about chubby jokaste? We don’t know enough about akielon beauty standards at all. Sure slaves are probably mostly slender and frail to add to the submissive aesthetic (tho I do remember damens fixation on his female slaves big boobs, dude is far from subtle as always). But if it’s Ancient Greek inspired beauty standards jokaste most definitely rocks some tummy rolls. Either that or she’s got super toned abs from the Pilates classes she visits with the other trophy concubines. and akielon man are properly ripped but is it king-Leonidas-washboard-abs ripped?? Or more chunky functional muscle mass ripped? Perhaps akielon noble women are even trained like Spartan women and egeria was the one with the washboard abs. Also there absolutely was a time in Vere where the chubbier the pet = the wealthier it’s owner. Im so so sorry for rambling but your post got me t h i n k i n g

This is not only hilarious but also one of the best takes I’ve ever read. There is so much to unpack here that I truly don’t know where to start.

You mentioned Dudley, whose weight and fat (derogatory) tendencies are accentuated throughout the entire Harry Potter saga. I think—and this is my personal belief, it is not something anyone else has to agree with—that part of what makes Laurent interesting and redeemable to many readers has to do with the fact that he’s beautiful*. I don’t think many people would be willing to admit that, but Laurent’s pretty privilege as a fictional character is similar to Draco Malfoy’s (in fanon) or other morally grey villains/characters’. Ugly characters are harder to forgive, for some reason.

This got me thinking that had Pacat written Laurent as canonically fat, there would be a lot of stuff going on in Damen’s head that I don’t think we’d be able to excuse as easily as we excuse other (quite horrible) thoughts of his. But also, like I mentioned above, I think Laurent would have a harder time proving to some readers that he’s not Dudley, that he’s not just a stereotype of selfishness and greed and other things fatness is associated with (like childishness or an inability to take accountability for one’s actions). This would happen not because he’s fat, but rather because we see the world through Damen’s eyes. And Damen is. . . Quite opinionated.

You mentioned Damen would be judgmental of someone’s weight based on their ability to fight. So, like you pointed out, he’d make fun of a useless in battle courtier but not of a Sumo wrestler. I think in Book 1 Damen would make fun of anything and everyone, but I do understand where you’re coming from with that statement. It makes me wonder what Damen would think of people with a mobility/physical disability. Or even with learning difficulties. Or just about anyone that, according to him, doesn’t contribute to society. If you can’t be a warrior or a bed slave, and if you’re not in a condition to be a peasant and plow fields, and if you don’t have royal blood in your veins. . . I have a hard time picturing Damen being sympathetic.

Chubby Jokaste. . . I think I’ve always thought of her as a muscled woman, given the fact that Laurent can pose as her in Book 3. There’s been a lot of discourse lately on whether Laurent is muscled or a twigly twink, which I will not get into because I. . . do not know enough about gender and/or gender expression to add anything to any argument. I am also not a gay man, so I don’t know what could be considered offensive. I am also very stupid. I also do not know what the word 'twink' means anymore.

Your ask has made me think a lot about many things I’m usually not interested in. I think it would be interesting to see a chubby Laurent who still knows how to fight, who trains, who does things other than eat and hate. Canon Laurent is slender, and yet he never manages to beat Damen in combat, so I don’t think his ability to fight would suffer much from gaining some pounds. It would be interesting to see chubby Jokaste too, even though I don’t particularly enjoy the parallels between her and Laurent in canon. It would also be interesting to see. . . different types of bodies. You mentioned the Vaskian ladies, which I like a lot, but I don’t think I’ve read or come across any fics that focus on them. I think Vannes’ pet is also described as muscular and big, but I’m afraid I don’t remember the quote and I don’t own the books, so I can’t be sure.

What I liked the most was the ending of your ask, where you went on to add little worldbuilding details. Like I said yesterday, I wish canon was more detailed so we could maybe have something to hold onto when we make certain claims. It’s hard to say which parts of Damen’s thought process are entirely his (as a prince with a lot of privilege) and which ones have to do with his culture. Pacat has pointed out some to us, like the fact that Akielons don’t enjoy certain “spectacles” of the body, like pet rings or public sex, but they do enjoy staring at bodies when they’re wrestling or performing physical activities unrelated to sex. Other things remain little mysteries, in my opinion. Do all bed slaves have the same body type? Do women wrestle? How does marriage work in Akielos? What is everyone else’s opinion on fat people? I’m sure not everyone is like Damen, who we speculate cares about having a healthy body so he can fight and. . . stuff.

I am not saying Damen is the only character who, in the historic period where Captive Prince is set, would have fatphobic thoughts. If Damen was fat, Laurent would be the first one to use that against him, especially in Book 1. I just think Damen fits the fatphobic mold better because he’s described as this hypermasculine character, very into war (I think the blurb of the book calls him a warrior prince?) and manly things. Which is not to say war is inherently manly. Which is not to say Laurent isn’t manly. Which is not to say. . . whatever.

Captive Prince is a fantasy trilogy, set in. . . the past. Concepts such as fatphobia or toxic masculinity are not exactly applicable, but I think it’s fun to explore Damen’s character through his flaws. Laurent has a lot of flaws, but Damen’s are sometimes confused with virtues. In my opinion, they’re at their best when they’re being disgustingly horrible to each other.

I’m sorry for writing you a 90 paragraph response.

* He's almost universally beautiful in the Captive Prince world. Damen finds him pretty, and Torveld, and Jord (we've read that 'cute' quote where he describes Laurent at 15 to Aimeric). Not saying fat = ugly. I'm saying it seems like the 'hegemonic' body type for pretty is Laurent's, otherwise. . . why would everyone he comes in contact with comment on his pretty looks?

[khaleesiofalicante]

I 100% think the lgbt Shadowhunters should have a group chat. Alec can be the mod lmao.

Noooooooo dani what are you doing. Stop. Pls no.

‘“What the hell is wrong with you?” she demanded. Her father blinked and then chuckled. “You want a list?”’ jesus I would be grounded for life if I talked to my dad like that but ok

Oooh I don’t like this . . . I’m uncomfy . . . why Jace tho . . .

Two years is a long freakin time to fake date

“‘Call me if you need me,” Olivia whispered. “And I will find my way back to you.”Lexi blinked at that. Olivia said it so intensely that it made Lexi’s heart stutter. Damn Blackthorns and their unnecessarily intense vibes.” Screaming

“‘Rafael is the rock of our group. He is our leader. We rely on him so much. Max…If something happens to him, how will I ever look at David? And Uncle Alec...If he gets hurt, it will kill my father. His heart won’t be able to handle that. And Uncle Magnus…He can’t die! It shouldn’t be allowed.”’ I don’t trust you dani. I love you, but I don’t trust you.

“‘I don’t think I can pull this off,” David said, frowning at himself in the mirror.“You’re gonna pull this off so good that Max is gonna pull it off of you,” Selena grinned.” omg

just throwing this out there, but i think a malec & mavid double date would slap so hard. like imagine mavid doing their cutesy thing and malec sits in the back and observes whilst drinking fine wine.

‘“You can call me Jace,” he said now quickly, looking awkward. “Or J-man.” “I am not going to call you J-man,” David shook his head. “But thank you for the sword.”’ dead.

‘“President of shadowhunters,” Rafael explained again. “My father.”’ My father. The president of shadowhunters😌💅

I’m screaming this scene is so funny

I really want everything to work out between Rafe and Anjali😭 They deserve each other🥺❤️

“Lexi was wearing a navy-blue suit – and a blonde wig apparently. Jace had been so excited that he had literally come over to Alec’s apartment to show the pictures.” Freaking adorable

‘“Yep,” Jace grinned. “Our family motto is ‘conceal don’t feel’.”’ The Herondales are absolutely Elsa-level primadonnas😂

‘“Promise me you will handle it well,” Jace asked, his voice tight.“Jace, the shadow world is on fire, and I still haven’t lost my shit,” Alec pointed out dryly. “I think I can handle it just fine. Now tell me what’s wrong.”’ Umm can I just stop here? I’m not strong enough to endure this.

“He himself had a picture of Magnus inside his wallet and he looked it when he felt lost and hopeless.He had loads of pictures of his family on his phone.But this one was different.This was a picture he had found in one of the Clave files when he had been perusing through old records just after being elected as Consul. It was a black and white picture – possibly taken before coloured pictures were invented.It looked like a mugshot. Alec wasn’t sure if Magnus had ever been arrested by the Clave.But he didn’t look like someone who had gotten arrested. He was smiling at the camera, like this was exactly where he had intended to be. If Alec knew any better, he would say that Magnus got arrested just so he could pose for a picture for the Clave.The moment he had found it, he had taken it out from the file and put it inside his wallet.This picture didn’t belong to the Clave. It belonged with Alec.” The shit I live for.

Oh awesome. Magnus and Clary are having prophetic horror dreams again. More ominous foreshadowing.

“If Max hide his feelings in a box, Rafael buried them six feet under. He wished the boys would be forthcoming. He wished they would talk to him about anything.Alec and Magnus had repeatedly told their children to come talk to them if there was anything wrong.If Rafael needed help and if Max needed to talk, they could simply come to their parents.But they obviously didn’t.Alec didn’t know where he had come wrong.” Wow that’s heartbreaking . . .

“Alec’s heart ached further.He knew he brought this on his family. All his reforms and his laws and his governance – it had led to this.He had become a target and his family suffered as a result.He knew it wasn’t his fault. But it still hurt to know everything he had done to make things right came back to hurt him.Alec had hoped that being the Consul would make things better for Magnus – for their family.But in moments like this, he felt like it had only made everything worse.” I’m in pain🙃

Max clearly doesn’t understand bro code

‘“Screw you, dad!” Max yelled. “I want to go see David. You just don’t want me to go because you don’t like him.”Alec closed his eyes. His heart hurt at the words.Max did this all the time. When he was angry, he lashed out at the nearest person. He remembered a time when he had fought with Rafael and hadn’t talked to him for almost three days.But it was fine. Alec could take all the anger. He would take anything as long his family was safe.” K now I’m pissed at Max. Like he’s awesome most of the time, but the first time his parents ask anything of him he completely flies off the handle. He needs to grow up, get over himself, and realize that the world isn’t just him and his boyfriend.

Okkkkkk Max just threw a fit and all the adults are trying appease him? He’s not getting any sort of reprimand for lashing out at his dad?

“The phone dropped from Jace’s hand, and he fell to the ground. “Lexi.” Alec’s heart relaxed for the fraction of a second in relief and then tore into pieces all over again.” Thanks, I fucking hate it.

THANKS DANI I FUCKING HATE IT

FUCK

Bonus: “As the flowers most often associated with funerals, lilies symbolize that the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death.”

FUCK

It's a really beautiful flower.

[es05l2k5sl]

I'll never understand why WB had to redesign the Batcast for the new Bat adventures. Some characters took getting used to. But as for the villains, I'm roasting they asses cus they're ugly. Can't change my mind.

These Oswalds together look like 2 different people bruh. But we're here to talk about new Oswald. This Wimpy x Olive Oyl fusion snoody looking ass bitch. I'd like his outfit if it didn't have that lazy drawned bow tie looking like 2 triangles glued together & those fake ass MJ gloves. Also when tf did he have 10 fingers in dis universe? Also fuck that hair. Rocking a balding Mullet like ponytail before. Now it's just a boring cut down. Got dat snooty ass bitch look on face like his bird shit don't be stinking. I'll rock tf out u. Lookin like a whole ass Looney character or sum mf from the 30s.

Wot da fuck dey got Selena wearing here? Sis looking like a whole ass alien. Kid vs Kat looking ass bish. And her skin white af too? Did sis fall in some damn Joker acid too? Sis whole lower face is white as shit! Dat shit paler than crack. Like sis got the white slapped outta her and she just turned whiter. Das probably what happened. Her ass probably got on my mans Bruce last nerves one night and got da shit backslapped out her ass.

So my dude Matthew got turned a different color pal & got his neck privileges revoked? Lazy af but not the worst revamp.

You kno that meme: "upgrade, upgrade, FUCK GO BACK!"? Dis pre much sums up Jonathan here. My mans jus looks so dirty here. Looking straight outta da trash bin. Like literally dirty. Nasty ass teeth probably got dat hot ass breath blowing thru them bitches. Das a real fear toxin right there. Long ass black as shit dirty ass hair. Tryna copy off my girl from the ring w dat shit. Need to take dat dirty ass wig and mask and Amish hat tf off my dude. It is not rocking you. Dat whole worn out trashy ass outfit ain't working for you either hoe. You need to take yo ass a bath bitch cus your arms looking brown and ashy as a bitch. You can not even THINK about borrowing anything from me w yo dirty creepy stalker lookin ass. If you don't put down that damn stick like yo ass need help walking and shit I oughtta bitch ya ass with the shit fo going around dressed like dis. Take that damn rope off your neck bitch fo I do something Bruce won't do.

Bruh, you can not go up to my face and tell me these niggas are the same person in the same mofucking universe! Jervis What da fuck did they DO TO YOU MY N**GA?? N**ga looking like a damn leprechaun with special needs and shit. Rocking all dat dookie green swag but you got no swag anymore my dude. It's shit like you clothes and yo breath! Yo shits wasn't perfect and white before but them hoes looking hella worse now. What you get drinking all that damn tea my n**ga. Ol Tiny ass n**ga. Like wot. HOW?! HOW TF DID YO ASS SHRINK??? LIKE SOMEBODY TOSSED YOU ASS IN A LAUNDRY DRYER AND PROBABLY FORGOT TO TAKE YO STUPID ASS OUT. PROBABLY WHY YO HAIR WHITE AND SMALL AS SHIT YA UGLY ASS LUCKY CHARMS LOOKING ASS CRACK FEENY. If you don't hop yo ass back under a rainbow with dem skinny ass broken heel lookin ass tap dancing shoes.

Victor, bruh, they dem did yo ass so dirty in the new adventures. I ain't gonna lie that new suit kinda ok. But you looking like a whole skeleton and shit. Lookin like a young Palpatine & shit. Ol Frisky dingo looking ass! Need to put those goggles back on. The least yo (spoiler) 2003 Baxter Stockman ass can do now.

Yo ass probably looking mad as shit cus ya can't jack it no more n**ga. Dats all gon now. Long with yo unloyal ass wife. How tf she gon bounce on you after everything you did for her? After all the years and bull you had to put up with & she leave yo cold ass for another nibba? Fuck DCAU Nora. Just fuck her.

Scarface lookin like a damn Fanboy & Chum Chum character & his boy over here lookin like Chode. Next.

UUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHGG.

Just. UAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH. Bruh I will never understand who tf thought this shit was a good idea?! Like who the fuck, was drawing dis nigga. Drew DIS Sus af shit. LOOKED at dis shit. And said to deyself: "Yeah dats da Riddler aight". HELL TO THE NAH DAT AIN'T NO DAMN DAS A (dick) FIDDLER! HE LOOKIN SUS AS FUCK NOW WITH THEM TIGHT AS GREEN SPANDEX AND THAT DARK AS HELL EYELINER. Looking like gay Christmas elf! Looking like a gay ass ballay dancer with them Spider Gwen ballerina shoes. You can't dance for shit nigga! Yo shit is SOOO DAMN TIGHT like I can get a good sight and shape picture of yo "Question mark" I'm telling y'all. sSSSUUUSSSSSSS. Looking like a bigasss lima bean. Skinny ass Jack skeleton moFucka. Like. They did my boy Eddy so freakin dirty with this. My mans had class, style, a nice look, HAIR. Now he. Whateverthelivingfuckdisbaldasspeterpanlookinmofuckasupposestobe. And i hate how that's how he did be lookin in almost every new Batverse when why tho? Nigg(m)a look stupid as hell. How tf he expect to be tooken seriously dressed and lookin like dis ? If I saw dis fucker in real life and he threatens me, imma laugh at his ass and beat him with his cane. Get ya Richard from Allen Gregory looking ass away from me. I can't!

Bruh it don't look that much but they did my mans Harvey dirty too. LOOK AT MY MANS FACE. good half i mean. Yall nigs kno. THESE MUHFUCKERS STRIPPED HIM OF HIS PRETTYNESS! Man. Dis version of Harvey was a pretty muhfucka. You can't deny dat shit

Even when he became Two-Face he still got dat 1 side of pretty.  And that deep af panty soaking voice to go along w it. He dat half and half package. 

Now HE LOOK LIKE DIS

WHOEVER TF DID DIS NEED DEY ASS WHOOPED! SQUARE TF UP NOW. NIGGA LOOKS LIKE EYEBROWLESS VERSION OF DOC FROM SECRET SATURDAYS. FAT ASS BLOCK NOSE MUH FUCKA.  His eye looks like traingle with a Nike logo on top of it. Lookin like a poorly drawn Dwayne The Rock Johnson. And ya other half ain't lookin that good either. Dat 1 eyebrow putting Helga Pataki to shame! I mean the shit didn't look good before but it was somewhat tamed, now the shit looking like full grownass caterpillar. And that lip black as hell. Kno that side dirty as fuuhck!

I don't even know what tf I'm sposed to say about DIS except (kinky..)

Angelica pickles looking ass. Bigass blonde captain coconut looking ass hairstyle. Looking like a blonde creepy ass Wednesday Adams. Dem black as fuck Kim possible lips. She actually looking like a family guy character with that bigass head and small body. I SWEAR she ded looking like one of Stewie's ex's right now my dude! Got  tiny ass flat ass guitar chip shoes. Looks like sis wearing fucking Zippers as shoes. Sis got that "i got something planned fo yo ass" smile. Sis look like she plotting something or did some evil shit already.

. . .

Bros I'm sorry but I'm just as confused as you like. I can't find a single thing different about Harley. Like literally nothing. Her makeup at night be looking blue sometimes, looking like a fakeass Livewire, but nah. They didn't even touch homegirl. Why tf is Harley the only character that stayed the same?????! Niggas was playing favorites. They had plans for that ass since day one. They was probs like: "Aye y'all. DO NOT TOUCH HARLEY. SHE STAYS THE SAME!" "why?" "JUST LISTEN TO ME BITCH!" "Wha bout her mans?" "Oh hell yeah fuck his shit up!" ...sigh.. Yep. It's that time...

UaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHH what else is dere to be said about dis ugly ass nigga? Dis nigga look like Yakko Warner & Freakazoid's love child! Dis nigga look like a random Tiny toons or Animaniac character! With that dookie green shirt and flower. You and Riddler's gay ass both matching them Dexter's laboratory Gloves. Why tf yo eyes eyes black as fuck tho?! How tf does one do that to theyself?! Yo ass probably snorted some shit and ya shits expanded and that's prolly yo pupils with ya cracked out ass. Nigga don't even look like a clown no more. Hell Jared Leto Joker atleast had the lipstick down. Dis nigga got dem ashy ass lips hanging out. Nigga think he owning too. Nigga you don't own shit! Broke as hell now. And yo design broke too. Joker? Man more like Broker. Got dat fairly odd parents hair. Got that Cosmo and Wanda in one. Like bitch if you don't. Just like Riddler i can not take yo animaniac looking ass serious. You do not scare me bitch! Bye!

Now see dis? DIS is Aight! A lot more fitting and & faithful to the character. No over the fucking top redesign, you can actually tell it's the same damn character as before, a little bit of swag for personality

So that's the tea. Ivy & Croc are the only good rogue redesigns in the whole series, evBody else ugly as shit.

[yhluda]

  *  ◟  ―  🍓 hello my angels !! ok so after impulsively joining i literally did this post during acceptances, my tab crashed and i quite literally ragequit ... much like my new muse does ! hi everybody, my name is aria and this is miss BAE LUDA , a daebak house member & twitch streamer ! she’s you’re everyday cyberpunk, rainbowcore, soft girl aesthetic hybrid ?? phew the chaos. but anyway i truly don’t want this to crash again and cry so here we go !! below you’ll find her info, and please like this post if you’re interested in plotting ! mwah !

i’m going to skip her backstory but her bio is fairly short and you can read all about that here !! and a profile is coming soon uwu

comes from a mid-upper class background, though she doesn’t enjoy wealth much, but came to the hill bc she wanted excitement and a change of pace ! but she couldn’t be bothered w all the classes & more petty family drama, she just wants to have fun !

as i stated, she’s a twitch streamer who streams under the name lucida !! but on ig she’s @luucida with two us, since lucida was taken lol. anywho i messed up the explanation on her bio ( i was writing it at 4am pls forgive me ), but it’s a play on of her name and the concept of lucid dreaming ! she calls herself that because first, she thinks she’s got a dreamy appearance, but also because she feels that like lucid dreams, when she plays games she’s in control and can make the impossible possible !

on her twitch she does up the cute a little tbh, listen she knows the market and def does feed into it for the cash ! has regular donators whom she’s kinder to, and borderline flirty but doesn’t take it to the next level you know ??

also does cosplay and shows it on her ig ! though she also does have a patreon where she shows the behind the scenes of making her costumes, as well as exclusive livestreams, and unposted pics ! she just wants her coin !!

and lastly, her most chill platform is youtube, where she’ll literally record in pajamas and react to things ! it’s called relax & react, and is v fun for her ! started the channel after her twitch took off once she became comfortable w her personality on camera !

goes through v strong emotions ! she can b very excitable, when she’s grumpy she’s Grumpy, and also quite the hothead ! doesn’t like losing or being proven wrong due to how competitive she is, though she’s trying to work on it !

always always dying her hair !! if she doesn’t have a wig she’s cutting or dying it, much to her parent’s horror. it currently is short & blonde, her favorite of all time !

also has adopted a dog after moving to the daebak house, and it’s a golden doodle ! and yes, her dogs name is snickerdoodle what about it !!!

she’s v gen z i will not lie !! she just ... loves referencing tiktoks, vines, all that jazz, jokes about her detrimental problems and just chaotic !! therefore ,,, probably gets along well w most the daebak house members majority of the time !

in fact, she probably gets along with most, as those who are her friends she’s v loyal and friendly too ! however if she senses any sort of fakeness, superiority complex, any of that off you ?? it’s a whole 180 she’s not going for it !

also her aesthetic cannot be put into one she’s literally got 3 totally different vibes ??

loves loves rock infused music tho. and 2000′s music ! therefore rina sawayama’s the perfect blend of those vibes, and she will always be found blasting xs. 

also a power bi. straight down the middle ?? loves her daily dose of awkward boys and soft girls. either get her a goth gf or she will be a goth gf lmao !!!

wanted connections:

video game buddies of course !!!

best best friends ... perhaps even opposites of each other ? someone who, unlike her, is more quiet and in their head ?? or someone equally chaotic !!

drinking buddies please !! she loves to party and is always down for some sort of good time. maybe even bad influence thread ?? or someone who’s a good influence on her !

someone to get high ( or just super sleepy ) and talk about the meaning of life at 2am ?? in secret when everybody’s sleep of course. bonus if they make a convenience store run and try to act normal lmao !!

a girl or boy to crush on or vice versa !!! more on the casual side for now but just two people who truly are simps over each other ??

alternatively, fwb that get complicated ! perhaps even someone who was like a summer love, sort of thing ??

any halloween threads literally !! she will put on a brave face and swear she’s not scared at all but like luda why are u running ... why are u running ??

more to come !! i just want to post this before it crashes again rip !

[grisdidthis]

I thought I was done with the Strangetown makeovers, but. Apparently not so. I’m coming to accept that I’ll eventually reach critical mass and edit everyone in that hood, from playables to the paper delivery girl. (If I hadn’t sworn to myself that I won’t focus on new (or old but unfinished) hoods until P42 has been completed, I’d bite the bullet and do a whole ass Strangetown edit, but. Life is back to being busy, so that plan is going to stay shelved.) So I’ve broken and done a Grunt household remake. Thought process for including this family after initially rejecting them on the grounds of IDGAF about them (except Lyla, because I low-key ship her with Olive) went as follows:

“Well I wasn’t going to do aliens, but now I have a Chloe and a Lola so that ship has sailed and they need to have been fathered by SOMEONE.” =» *sigh* “Fine, let’s bring PT9 aboard. He’s just NOT GOING TO BE AROUND anymore because he gives me the creeps. Let’s just say the zombies ate him.” =» *edits PT9 to fit own pollination technician template*  “Hm, he looks nothing like himself. But neither do Chloe and Lola, so. We’re probably good.” =» “...feels wrong somehow, tho. Maybe I should give him normal gray hair. But then that would mess with my hair standards!” (Birth Queens = head tentacle; PTs = bald; Hybrids = hair that looks vaguely like tentacles) =» “Ah screw it, it can be a wig he uses to fit in better with the hoomans.” =» “Johnny and Jill are a go too, then, aren’t they? Yes they are. He can go live with his sister-aunts on the alien base I still need to build or chill on a rock with Ophelia. But wtf am I doing with Jill?”

*crickets*

“Wait didn’t she have a thing with the blond Grunt kid.” =» “Yeah let’s just get those two in a relationship and sharing a house, that works.” =» “BUT THEN I HAVE TO BRING IN THE REST OF THEM.” =» “Well P42 kind of has a shortage of human security staff, Dad Grunt and the kid with the camouflage face paint can help fill those slots, and Jill and blond kid can be hiding a zombiefied Lyla in their attic. Or something.”  =» “MMm, but what about the other kid?” =» “He can sell weed.” =» “Why is ‘weed guy’ your go-to role for every vaguely emo-looking sim in the game, that’s stereotyping.” =» “Hey, I’ve only done that thrice! So far!” =» “Eventually you’ll have so many they’ll start a turf war. Or hold the dealer equivalent of a baking contest.” =» “ACTUALLY. Are there mods for this to be an actual thing, I wonder...” *googles* “HOLY SHIT, there are!” *downloads with great prejudice* 

In a nutshell: have some Grunts. The kids have been aged up to adults, Buzz has gone gray from having too many of the children fail to meet his expectations, Lyla has risen from the grave looking for brain. Face structures have been much messed with, since the kids all grew up to be fugly adults, Buzz needed more nose and Lyla needed to look more like a starving corpse. 

Tank dropped the too-edgy-for-you face paint and is the only successful child, as he’s buff, wears a suit and holds a manly job. (Still a virgin, but it’s all good, he learned to lie about it somewhat convincingly.) 

Buck would arguably count as a success case too, considering that he’s happily married and has found steady work as a teacher, but since teaching is for wimps, couldn’t you earn a living doing something that’ll put hair on your chest, he won’t be swimming in parental approval, ever. 

Ripp (no proper job, sells weed, is in a band) has been all but disowned by his father (and couldn’t care less) but is on good terms with his brothers, camping on Buck’s couch and doing an awesome job fulfilling his Romance aspiration, aka getting laid plenty. 

Now I need to build these fools a house *sigh*

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Little Mercury protege; AU Alive!Freddie Mercury x Malek!teen reader

*Author’s note*

Okay well guys I didn’t get inspired till Freddie’s birthday had passed, so I know this is late but here is a request I think should’ve been done. To the anon who gave me this request, I hope this is what you were wanting. And I hope to all of you who read this get a thrill out of this :)

Okay warnings; FLUFF. bit of angst, racial discrimination (I mean NO OFFENSE BY THIS if this makes you uncomfortable just skip ahead and don’t read the one scene in question), and just personal opinions on a certain fact of another casting choice (if you belong to team S.B.C playing Freddie, please don’t start a war with me on this okay.) 

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@ixchel-9275

@waddles03

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@coolcxt

@platawnic

@leah-halliwell92

________________________________________________________

Being the daughter of Rami Malek sometimes has its perks.  I’ve been going with him to premieres, I’ve seen my dad film some of his shows, but now my dad is about to become a legend as he had just gotten the role of one of my favorite lead singers of Rock and roll.  Freddie Mercury.

For the past eight weeks my dad has been in London practicing his piano skills, because he and the rest of the actors would begin to film the first sequence which was the famous Live Aid performance. And since I had to finish up school, he wouldn’t allow me to come visit the set but now that it’s summertime, my jida (grandma) got me my plane ticket to London so that I could visit my dad on set.

After a long night flight, I finally arrived in London and as soon as I came out of the gate, there I saw my dad holding a sign that said.

“Welcome (y/n)” in full decorated lettering colored in with markers, stickers and glitter.  Dad smiled at me and said.

“There’s my girl.” I raced over to him and hugged him and he hugged me back just as tightly. “How was the rest of your school year?”

“It was fine.”

“How’d you do on your finals?” I shrugged and he said. “Oh no, no c’mon now don’t you lie to me. You know I could call your uncle Sami to tell me how you did.”

“I passed dad, got all A’s and B’s.”

“Ehh that’s my girl.” He ruffled my hair and kissed the top of my head. “Wait, are you getting taller?” I giggled and he wrapped his arm around me and guided me away from the gate to the luggage claim.

“So how’s piano lessons going dad? You up to Freddie Mercury standards?”

“Well let’s face it no one except maybe Elton John could match Freddie’s piano skills, but I’d say I’m up to it darling.” I fangirled a bit and said.

“God you can’t drop the mannerisms can you?”

“Guess even off camera I find myself doing minor Freddie things.”

“But it’s so awesome that they picked you to play Freddie, I can’t wait to see you in full getup. So are the cast friendly?”

“Yeah we’ve really bonded with each other very well. Especially the band and I. It’s like we’re the new generation of Queen.”

“Who all’s playing the rest of the band?”

“Ahh now that is a surprise.” I whined out. “Don’t pout you’ll meet them once we get to set. We’re gonna film Live Aid later today once the weather’s just right.”

“I can’t wait.”

“I know you can’t. You’ve made me watch that footage every Live Aid anniversary since you became a fan of Queen.” We arrived at baggage claim and we waited till my suitcase finally came out.  He grabbed hold of it and guided me out of the airport and the two of us hopped into a car and drove off to set.

Since this was my first time in London, you know as any tourist I had to take pictures of what I could.  The Big Ben clocktower, the London Eye, the many statues, everything and anything in between.

Finally after about a 2 and a half hour drive, we finally arrived at an abandoned lot where I could see hundreds of people running around a mock stadium.

“So this is where you guys are gonna be filming?” I asked.

“Just for Live Aid. The original stadium was torn down so our brilliant set design team found this area and built Wembley stadium from the ground up. You’ll get a better look at it once you see if from the front.” I ahhed in understandment and that’s when our car stopped and he said. “You ready to see everyone?”

“A little nervous too.”

“Don’t worry darling, everything will be alright. You trust me?” he held out his hand for me.

It was a common thing he’s done to help ease my nervousness, and yeah we did kinda steal it from Aladdin but hey it works.

“Yes.” I said as I reached out for his hand and he helped me out of the car.

“Just stay close to me and you won’t get lost among the volunteers and workers.” I held his hand and he guided me towards the stadium.  We went around it and when I finally got a good look at it, I was just in awe.

“Whoa.”

“Pretty cool huh? So does it look like Wembley stadium?”

“It’s…..it’s like we’re actually there. And you said they built it from the ground up?”

“Yeah. Did it all while the guys and I were practicing our instruments. C’mon I need to get to makeup anyways so might as well show you that during our tour.” He then guided me over away from the stadium and we went into this large van-like trailer and there I saw rows of chairs and makeup areas.

“Ahh Rami glad to see you’re back.” A voice said. When I looked up, I thought I was actually looking at Brian May back during the original live aid.  God this guy he—he’s practically Brian.

“Yep, traffic wasn’t too bad getting out of the airport.”

“So is this your daughter?” the Brian look alike asked.

“Yes. (Y/n) this is Gwilym Lee, our actor for Brian May. Gwil this is the light of my life, (Y/n).”

“It’s so good to finally meet you (y/n). Rami would not stop talking about you. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks.”

“Really, well here I am. And can I just say that you look—exactly like Brian May.” Both my dad and Gwilym chuckled and he said.

“Thank you, I only hope Brian himself approves. I’m told that Queen’s gonna be coming here to watch us perform.”

“Wait—Queen’s coming here? As in all four members?”

“Yep.” Oh shit. “So I hope we all don’t screw up, that’d be the next big disaster.”

“I’m sure we’ll do fine Gwil.”

“Yeah well see you on set. Nice meeting you (y/n).” He and I shook hands with each other and then he left to probably get into wardrobe and costuming.

“Alright Rami, you’re turn.” One of the makeup artists said.  My dad sat down and he got fitted into his wig and got his makeup done.  It wasn’t until he put the teeth in and the famed mustache, that I swore it was like my father was actually Freddie Mercury and not Rami Malek.  Once he was done he turned around and said.

“Well darling what do you think?”

“You look—amazing dad.”

“Thank you, you lovely darling.” Okay now he was really getting the mannerisms done, god I love it when my dad gets committed to a role.

“Right now I need to get into my costume and then we’ll head out to punch a hole in the sky. What do you say dear?”

“Lead the way, Freddie.” I said.  He wrapped his arm around me and we were now heading to the costume trailer.  He got into the famed Live aid Freddie outfit of the white tank-top, jeans, Adidas black and white sneakers, and the diamond encrusted black armband.

Okay it’s official, I am Freddie Mercury’s daughter.

In full get up my dad had not only acted the part but also looked exactly like Freddie.

We were now heading for the stage where I saw Gwilym talking with another man who wore a should length blonde haired wig and wore the Roger Taylor white shirt and black pants.  He was twirling around some drumsticks and that’s when the two of them turned towards us.

“Wow, you look awesome Rami.” The actor playing Roger said.

“Rami? I’m only Freddie darling.” I playfully giggled and rolled my eyes at him.

“And I assume this is your daughter?” he asked again.

“Yep, that’s (y/n). (Y/n) this is Ben Hardy, he’ll be playing Roger Taylor.” Gwilym introduced us.

“It’s great to meet you at last (y/n).” the actor known as Ben held out his hand and we both shook hands.  Now I’ll admit I don’t know why they gave him the wrong wig but he did sorta resemble Roger to a degree.  I’ll just have to wait and see how he portrays Roger in the film before I make any quick assumptions.

Suddenly I was picked up by the waist and twirled around.  I shrieked and told whomever it was that was spinning me around to put me down.

“Ahh now that’s no fun. Is that anyway to treat your favorite uncle?” Oh my god it—it couldn’t be? I quickly turned around to see a big ball of fluffy brown hair but I knew those eyes and that sunshine smile anywhere.

“Uncle Joey!” I exclaimed as I turned and hugged him. He laughed and embraced me in those big arms of his giving me a big bear hug.  He laughed as he spun me around and pressed a big kiss to my cheek.

See I had known the famed child actor Joe Mazzello since I was 5 years old.  Just shortly after my dad had gotten a role in the HBO series ‘The Pacific’, my mom got into a car accident by a drunk driver and was killed before she even got to the hospital.

I was devastated as was my dad.  Since my uncle Sami was too busy to take care of me at the time and figuring out that I needed my father now more than ever, my grandma and auntie sent me to be with my dad.  

I was so quiet and barely spoke a word, all I did was just sit far away and cry.  It was then I had met Joe, he said he hated seeing kids cry so he tried to make me smile by telling me some jokes of showing me funny cat videos.  Amazingly it did make me feel a bit better, at least got me to smile since the accident happened.

As my dad and Joe became closer with each other and soon became best friends, I got to call Joe Mazzello my uncle Joey. And since we were all in New York, anytime my dad had to go away to film something, nine times out of ten Joe was the one to babysit me until my dad got back.  

Fun little fact, he’s the one who introduced me to Queen during filming of “The Pacific”.  He set me back down and I exclaimed.

“You’re in the film too?!”

“Of course, I thought your dad told you.” I turned to my dad and he briefly broke character as he said.

“I wanted to surprise you. Figured it’d be nice to know that I wasn’t the only one you’d know in this film.”

“So you’re playing John Deacon?”

“Yep, I can’t believe I even made the cut myself, I was stressing out like you wouldn’t believe it. And all they wanted was to hear my accent.”

“God I just gotta say, like Gwilym you—look exactly like John Deacon.”

“I know, so much so that I just had to ask my mom what she was doing in 1983, whether or not she was in London or anything.” I chuckled and hugged him as I said.

“Ahh I’ve missed your dorkiness uncle Joey.”

“Hey it’s not dorkiness, it’s coolness that people wish they could have.” He said as he gave me a playful noogie. “So tell me what’s been up with you in the last two years since I’ve seen you?”

“Well I’m about to go into high school.”

“Get out of town!” he teased.

“No seriously.”

“Oh my god where has the time gone? When I first met you, you were in the middle of kindergarten and now you’re going into big bad high school. Why couldn’t you just stay that adorable little girl that used to hang around my waist and that I could cradle in my arms?” he leaned his forehead against mine and gave me a gentle and loving peck on my nose.

“Sorry uncle Joey, I had to grow up.”

“Noo! I’m Peter Pan and I forbid you from growing up anymore!”

“Alright you big softie layoff her.” Ben said.

“Shut it Benjamin!”

“Okay guys, they’re pulling in now to see the performance. Get into positions.” At this point all four men including my dad were really starting to feel the nerves.

“Who votes for hiding at this point?” asked uncle Joey. All three of them raised their hands and soon we all took off running.

I don’t know how it happened, maybe with a sharp turn or maybe my grip slipped from my uncle Joey’s hand but as we went to hide from the arrival of the band in question, I ended up separated from my dad and his friends.

And since the set was so big, I didn’t know where they could’ve gone.  I kept trying to go down a hallway but it only lead me further and further down more corridors and hallways.  God the production team wasn’t fooling around when they got every single detail down.

That’s when I bump into someone.  I was taken back as I quickly apologized but when I finally looked up to see just who it was that I bumped into, that’s when I just felt the deer in headlights freeze come over me.

For standing there before me was the legend and my number one idol in music, Freddie Mercury.  He may have looked much older than he used to back in the day long before my time, his once raven black hair now greying like snow on the road but he still held that famed spark of a true showman even at the age of 70.

“Well hello there darling. A young newbie groupie welcoming committee.” He said with that famed smile of his.  He gently ruffled my hair which made me blush but I couldn’t help but smile.  But it wasn’t until I noticed that he was also referring to my Queen t-shirt that uncle Joey got me as a birthday present last year and I wrapped my arms around the pictured embarrassed.

“Now, now there’s no need to be ashamed love. It just means you’ve got good taste.” Roger spoke up.

“Alright you two no need to embarrass the girl further.” Deacy said.  It was then Brian stepped up and asked me.

“What’s your name love?” Oh my god Brian May just called me love.  Though I’ll never admit it, when I was little I did have a bit of a crush viewing some of Brian’s old videos.

“(Y/n). (Y/n) Malek.” I said shyly.

“Malek? You don’t mean like the same Malek dear that’s playing me would it?” I nodded and he said, “Oh that’s perfect. Have you any idea where your father is (y/n) dear?” I shrugged.

“I—I sorta lost them I guess.”

“They wouldn’t happen to be hiding from us would they?” asked Roger.  I shrugged and remained silent.

“Well I think we’ve got the perfect leverage to get them out, wouldn’t you agree lads?” Deacy said.  Oh I did not like where this was going.

I was then guided by the four senior band members up onto the actual stage where I saw crew members running about and extras getting their markers on where each person should stand.

“So we came across this lovely young lady while getting the layout backstage, and I know she was in proximity to the young actors portraying us.” Freddie exclaimed loud enough so that the people on stage could hear.

“And we did come such a long way it’d be a shame to not see the young men in full shtick after taking such time off our hands.” Brian said.

“So if you young boys would kindly come out we’d greatly appreciate it.” Answered Deacy.

“If not then we’ll just keep the girl hostage until you lot decide to come out.” Roger playfully threatened.

“NO DON’T TAKE HER!! SHE’S JUST A CHILD TAKE ME INSTEAD!!” I heard my uncle Joey proclaim.  It was then coming out from behind the flaps of the stage, were my dad, uncle Joey and Gwilym and Ben.

“Ahh so there they are. Knew using this lovely darling would get you four to come out of hiding.” Freddie teased which caused all the guys to blush or look away.

The four legends of Rock and roll then walked up towards their counterparts and studied them carefully.  Brian looked like he had went through a time relapse as he stared at Gwilym Lee.

“Bloody hell it’s like looking at me former self, but….” He then began adjusting the hairline of the curls slightly as he said, “The curls actually go this way.” I softly giggled and that’s when I noticed John Deacon stand before my uncle.

“Not bad, I must say you—you definitely resemble me to a T.”

“Believe me Mr. John Deacon sir I—I couldn’t even believe it myself, but the second the wig came on it was—mind blowing.” John smiled and said.

“It’s almost like in a way you’re a long lost child of mine.” Right? Roger was looking at Ben and he even agreed there were some critics but he knew it wasn’t Ben’s fault, mostly blame hair and makeup but Roger did give his sign of approval.  But when he said he couldn’t wait to hear Ben play the drums, that’s when I noticed Ben went a bit pale.

And now the moment of truth was when I turned towards my dad to see Freddie circling around him like a lion circling its prey.

“A bit skinner than I was, different eye color but hell I always wanted to have blue eyes. But like Brian and Deacy they chose the right one. At least you’re a lot better than that previous actor they tried to get to play me. God what an arsehole.”

“It’s an honor Freddie Mercury, I know I wasn’t the best choice but—”

“Oh don’t be so humble Rami darling. You already look the part, now I look forward to seeing you act the part. Cause of course no one is as outrageous as me.”

“Alright lads. We’re all set up. We’re ready to film the entire Live Aid sequence from start to finish.” Dexter came up with his cup of coffee.

“Go kill em boys.” Brian wished them all good luck. Dad came up to me and he gave me a hug and a kiss.

“Ready to see Live Aid?”

“I’ve been waiting nine years to see this dad. You guys are gonna kill it out there.” The guys went behind the flaps for their cue to rush on out, but then just before I could step aside in the wings to watch that’s when Freddie said to me.

“Hold on darling, come down and watch it with us. You’ll get a much better angle than from the stage.”

“Ohh I couldn’t impose on you four I—”

“Nonsense love, c’mon I know your dad would want to see you clearly as he performs.” Roger insisted.  Okay who was I to deny them? I then walked down the steps with them and we watched at the lower level of the stage as everyone was getting into their final places.

“Alright guys full run through. No stopping. Extras cue your cheering!” The crowd began to cheer. “Sound! Roll camera. And……action!” Soon my dad and the rest of the band came running out on stage causing the cheering to go louder.  I even cheered along as I took out my phone and couldn’t help but take a few pictures of my dad, uncle and their new friends in full getup.

Then the run through began.  Even with the actual audio from Live Aid rolling since my dad couldn’t sing a tune, it was still amazing to see him actually playing the piano of Bohemian Rhapsody and uncle Joey playing the bass.

I briefly turned to look at the four rock gods and they all looked amazed, it was like they had jumped back in time to see their greatest performance for themselves.  Brian especially couldn’t believe his eyes and same thing with Freddie.

As promised by Dexter it was the full run through of Live Aid.  Once Radio Gaga came on, I couldn’t help but participate in the claps, and I noticed that not only the extras but some of the crew members who were behind the stage or even behind the camera were participating.

The Aye-oh’s, Hammer to fall, Crazy little thing called love, We will rock you, and We are the champions.  And just seeing my dad up there becoming Freddie Mercury, it was unbelievable.  

The dedication he had put in to becoming this legend whom I have always looked up to throughout my whole life.

By the end of the run through, I was cheering so loudly that if I were to turn around along with them applauding for a well performed first take, Queen was smiling at me seeing my excitement and pure joy.

When the guys walked backstage, I immediately raced over once Dexter called cut to find my dad.  Once I spotted him I immediately raced over to him and glomped him in a hug.

“That was amazing daddy! You guys slayed it!”

“Thank you baby girl.”

“You were amazing up there.”

“Well that’s because I knew you were watching.” I giggled and hugged him again.

“Ohh I see go hug your dad but no love for your uncle.” Joe teased.

“Ohh uncle Joey.”

“No, no, no I see how it is. I’ll just continue to go through the film being neglected from my favorite snuggle-cuddle bunny.” He said as he crossed his arms over his chest, turning his back on me.

“Snuggle-cuddle bunny?” Ben and Gwilym gaped.

“Yeah see when she was just five during our filming of the Pacific whenever she got too tired, she’d always cuddle up close to me. And since she always had this pink bunny wherever she went I dubbed her snuggle-cuddle bunny.” I blushed embarrassedly.

“I will cling onto you for the rest of the time I’m here if you take that back.” I pleaded.

“Not a chance kidda-roo.” He pulled me into his arm and playfully gave me a noogie.

“Well done boys, that was phenomenal.” We turned around to see all four members of Queen standing before us.

“They definitely chose the right boys for the job. I can’t wait to see what else we’ve got planned here.” Roger said.

“Seeing that performance brought me back to the real Live Aid concert. Well done lads.” Said John with a warm smile.

“You four lovely darlings. It’s like you four were born for the stage, just like all of us. Work your magic just right and you could be the next generation of Queen. You look the part and now you sound the part. Especially you Rami you beautiful darling.” Freddie then walked up to my dad and gave him two kisses, one on each cheek.

From then on the filming commenced with the final approval of Queen seeing my dad and the rest of the cast in full shtick.

As the weeks went on and they were starting to film the Rockfield farm scenes, I was in the building since everyone was on a break before filming would begin.  I sat down by the piano and lightly stroked the keys.

I then raised my hands and I played the first Queen song I had ever learned “Somebody to love”.  I did a bit of vocalizing before finally singing the song.

Each morning I get up I die a little Can barely stand on my feet Take a look in the mirror and cry Lord, what you're doing to me I’ve spent all my years in believing you But I just can't get no relief, Lord! Somebody (somebody) somebody (somebody) Can anybody find me somebody to love?

“I know you’ve got more soul than that darling.” I ceased my playing to see Freddie standing behind me. He walked over and sat on the piano bench beside me and continued, “Don’t hold back, let it out.” He then picked the song back up and stared at me nodding for me to go on.

I went straight to the bridge where I would usually give the song as much soul as I could.

Got no feel, I got no rhythm I just keep losing my beat I'm OK, I'm alright I ain't gonna face no defeat I just gotta get out of this prison cell One day I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Somebody (somebody) somebody (somebody) Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I guess my nerves made me repeat the last couple lines that really belonged in the first and second verse, but as Freddie nodded along to the song, he looked like a proud teacher watching his student succeed, especially when I made that key change on the ‘love’.

And what was even more amazing; was when Freddie actually joined in singing my favorite Queen song with me.  He first played off of my at the beginning but by around the middle, the two of us blended out voices together in perfect sync, while at the same time the two of us were playing the piano.

(She works hard) Everyday (everyday)

I try and I try and I try But everybody wants to put me down They say I'm going crazy They say I got a lot of water in my brain Ah, got no common sense I got nobody left to believe in Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

As he continued playing the piano I quickly grabbed the first guitar I could and began playing Brian’s solo.  Not only was I good with the piano, I was also fairly decent with the guitar.  I mean I can only play a few songs on guitar but Somebody to love, I could practically play every instrument cause I can just hear the tune in my head.

We then sang the repeated mantra and just to add a little spice I began to vocalize. Going up and sliding perfectly down or going from a low to a high rang. By the end of it, I took over the last two lines.

Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love

Can anybody find me….

*Me*

Somebody to……

Love.

*Both*

Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love

By the end of our playing, all I heard was the sound of an applause.  There standing behind us were some of the crew, the producer Graham, Dexter the director, Brian, Deacy, Roger, my dad and the rest of the cast.

Freddie stood up and gestured towards me and the applause seemed to get louder.  I even heard some whistles that you could only hear at a rock concert.  

That’s when my dad came over to me and embraced me as tight as he could and peppered kisses all over my face, repeatedly telling me he was so proud of me.

Later on that day I was out on the deck sitting on the stoop of the house.

“I was wondering where you had gone off to since our duet. Figured you’d want to be basking in the praises.” I smiled and said.

“I don’t want to get a big head full of ego. I deal with that at school already from those who think they’re richer than me.”

“I understand that well darling. Little children can be bastards can’t they?” I hummed in agreement.  “You really do have an amazing gift (y/n). Why don’t you share it with those who don’t know you?” I looked down solemnly.

“Well Freddie…..how can one share their gift when they look like me?”

“What the fuck are you talking about dear? All I see in front of me is a blossoming young woman who is not only beautiful but talented as well.”

“It’s not about beauty Fred, I know I’m beautiful it’s just….I’m the wrong skin color.” He paused and just stared at me, urging me to go on.  “I—I did try to perform once at my 6th grade talent show. But just before I could play I heard one boy cry out ‘why’s the terrorist playing the piano? I thought they played bombs?’ It…..it was just after the suspected suicide bomber tried to sneak into the New York subway but was detained and stopped. I couldn’t even perform after hearing that. Took me a whole weeks before I had the courage to go back to school.”

I sniffled and tried not to cry in front of the frontman of Queen.  But I felt him rub my back as I continued.

“If middle school was that bad, I can only imagine just how worse high school’s gonna be. My dad was mistreated and bullied during his school year. So that means I will be too, and not just physically but online too possible.” I felt a few tears fall from my face, until a finger wiped them away.

“My darling (y/n). If there’s anything you should listen to me on, it’s this. People can be utter little shits. Some people still stick with the ancient ways of thinking, that if you’re not their skin color then you aren’t worth their time. Believe me, I’ve had racial slurs being shouted at me, both on and off stage. What you can do, is look them in the eye and say fuck you. Because I know who I am. And I don’t let anyone define who I am as a person. Because people who talk down to you like that, have got no future ahead of them. You on the other hand my dear, I could see you getting a gold disk by the time you’re 19 with that voice of yours. Hell you’ll surpass both Elton and I with the way you play the piano.”

“Well I don’t know about that.”

“Of course you will. If Sharon heard you, she’d be begging on her hands and knees to let you perform alongside them.” I looked at him confused.  “Oh that’s our drag queen alter egos to each other. I’m Melina and Elton’s Sharon.” I ahhed in understandment.  “So darling, you can either do two things; One you can take those comments and let them control your life. Or like your father step out there and show the world just who (Y/n) Malek really is. From how your father’s been portraying me in this film, I have no doubt that that lovely darling is going to win so many awards, including the famed Oscar. And soon enough little girls that are Arabic and Egyptian will look up to you and say when you win your first Grammy ‘is she could do it, so could I’.” I smiled at him and said.

“You really think so?”

“I know so darling. I believe you’re going to go far in the music industry one day. Or whatever you choose in life, it don’t have to be music if you don’t want it to be. But if you are ever interested, when you’re a little older the lads and I would love to have you as an opening act for our tours.”

“Wow that’s—it would be an honor Freddie.”

“You deserve it you lovely darling.” He said as he gingerly ruffled my hair.  “Now (y/n) I have to ask you because every fan has expressed this especially through a website called Tumblr.”

“You know Tumblr?”

“Still trying to get a grasp of it, mostly I just look at it for the cat pictures to see if I could get in contact with some good photographers for my lovely children back home.” He fully turned towards me and continued, “Of course you can choose not to answer it. Though I feel like if you don’t answer it though, it’ll only prolong…..”

“What is it Fred?” I laughed out.

“Who amongst us four aging Queens do you favor most?”

“Trying to make me be the bad guy.” I mocked.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well that’s what that question means.”

“No I—just wanted to know if you have a preference.”

“So that you can get a bigger ego if it’s you?”

“So it’s me?”

“No Freddie. You maybe my idol but that doesn’t automatically mean you take the number one spot.”

“So not one of us has that special place in that golden heart of yours?” I lightly scoffed and said.

“Well…..”

“Ah-ha I knew it! So c’mon just tell me. Think of my as one of your little girl friends gossiping in gym class, I won’t squeal I promise.” I groaned as I buried my head into my lap.

He wasn’t gonna let this go, I can feel it. But if I didn’t I knew he’d just keep pestering and pestering until I finally cracked.  I then softly muttered the name of my favorite Queen member.

“Huh?”

“Brian.” I muttered slightly louder.

“I’m sorry love you’re gonna have to speak up. Me old ears aren’t what they used to be.” I smelt bullshit on that statement.

“Brian, okay it’s Brian.” I said to him.  Freddie grinned and said.

“I sorta had a feeling. You always seem a bit more shyer than Deacy whenever our smart animal loving, spaceman guitarist is around.”

“Just promise me you won’t say anything to him!” I pleaded.

“No worries darling, my lips are sealed.” I sighed with relief. “Now how’s about I teach you how to play Bohemian rhapsody? Your uncle Joe told me of how you once tried to play it but couldn’t get the keys right.” He stood up and held his hand out to me.

I took it and he lead me towards the other side house where my dad would be playing the song in question for a brief moment in the film.

I’ll say that never did I imagine that I would get an actual piano lesson from the Queen legend himself.  But here I am at the piano with Freddie Mercury sitting beside me teaching me how to play his famed song, the baby that changed the way music was ever made forever.

However little did I know of the ultimate embarrassment that I would have within the next couple of days.  Right now everyone was filming the guitar solo recording as well as the operatic session of Bohemian Rhapsody.

But what was fun was that we actually got the real Brian May to step in while uncle Gwil stepped aside and we allowed Brian to play his guitar solo in the song, just for the fun of it.

I was in awe as I leaned against the arm of my chair and just let Brian’s red special take me away on a flight across the galaxy.  When the solo ended, uncle Gwil stepped back into the shot and I heard my dad say as Freddie.

“That’s brilliant. I love that.”

“So now what?” asked Gwil as Brian.  My dad took a beat before saying,

“The operatic session.” Both uncle Gwil and Brian May nodded as I could hear Gwil say.

“Ahh the operatic session. Good.”

“Of course.” Brian spoke in the same tone as Gwilym did.

Oh god it was so uncanny of how similar these two were at this point.  They definitely chose the right actor to play my favorite Queen member.

When break time came around and I was getting a snack from the snack table and drinking some water.  I soon heard a voice say.

“Hello (y/n).” I choked briefly on my water as I turned to see Brian standing there. “Sorry love I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s okay. Just went down the wrong pipe is all. I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m good. What—what are you I mean….” Oh god why am I so starstruck right now in front of him.  You’re making a fool of yourself (y/n)!

“It’s okay (y/n). There’s no need to be shy around me. Beyond the titles and glamour I’m just like every other man my age.” Yeah except the fact that you’re not only a rock god but a brilliant astrophysicist as well as animal organizer.

That’s one of the main reasons why I had followed his Instagram because I loved getting the updates on all the animals he posts up and interacts with.

“So what do you think of the film so far?” he asked me as he took a seat beside me on the empty chair.

“It’s amazing. I mean I’ve been to sets before with my dad like the Mr. Robot, the Pacific where I met uncle Joey over there, but this—this is unlike anything I’ve seen. And just the fact that you guys are allowing young fans like me to see your story from the beginning.”

“Yeah we were on the fence about but we knew that if we all didn’t get involved with the project then it wouldn’t get done right.”

“I’m glad you guys get to come visit whenever you’re not busy doing your concerts.” I shyly admitted.

“Well thank you (y/n), that’s very sweet of you to say.” I lightly blushed and twirled my water bottle around letting the water spin around.  “You know funny thing Fred told me the other day. He said he had talked to you and asked you about who your favorite Queen member was.”

Oh fuck no.

“FREDDIE!!” I screamed as loudly as I could.  It was the both my dad and the real Freddie peeked out from behind the booth saying.

“Yes?”

“I mean the real Freddie dad! Why did you tell him!? You swore you wouldn’t!?”

“Word of the wise darling, never trust me with a juicy secret. Especially when it regards to secret crushes or fancies.” I groaned and felt my face glow red in embarrassment.

“Aww (y/n) look at you, you’re like a little pouty tomato.” Uncle Joey teased in his John Deacon get up.  I turned away and hid my face as the guys all continued to awe at me.  It was then I was brought into a big but gentle bear hug from Brian himself as he said.

“No need to be embarrassed love. I’m flattered.”

“Okay that’s it, this calls for a photo it’s too damn adorable.” Uncle Joey proclaimed.

“Took the words right out of my mouth, Joe.” My dad said.  I was humiliated! Soon enough pretty much everyone of the guys needed a picture of this but that’s when Ben said.

“Wait! I’ve got a better idea. Gwil get in there.”

“Ooo good thinking Benjamin, what’s better than one Brian May?” uncle Joey awed.

“Two Brian Mays!” they both exclaimed.

“I hate you guys!” I whined out.

“Now, now mind your uncles (y/n) they mean well.” Brian said to me.

“Besides, we’re always happy to indulge our number one fan.” Gwil spoke as Brian.

“Great minds think alike.” Praised Brian.  Soon I had uncle Gwil to my left and the real Brian May to my right.  Each of them had their arms wrapped around me and leaned down against me as everyone took out their phones.

Suddenly I felt both of them kiss each side of my cheeks and that’s when my heart really sped up and I felt like I was gonna explode. But of course everyone just awed at how adorable I was.

“Oh my god (n/n) you look so freakin adorable. This is so going on my Instagram.” Uncle Joey said.

“Post that pic and you’re dead Mazzello!” I threatened.  I then chased after him and he took off running. “Give me that phone! You’re dead Mazzello!”

“Jesus someone get this raptor off of me!” I managed to hop onto his back and reach for his phone but he kept drifting left or right trying to avoid my reach as his arm extended as far as he would allow it.

As the summer began to draw to a close, unfortunately I couldn’t stay in England anymore because I was about to go back to school in just four weeks.  

So a week just before open house started, I had gotten my ticket and was ready to take the non-stop flight from London back to New York.

My dad, uncle Joey and newly deemed uncle Gwil and uncle Ben as well as Lucy, my dad’s new girlfriend came to bid me a final farewell till the award seasons would begin come around Winter break.  I was currently hugging uncle Gwil as he said to me.

“Hope to see you for the award shows love. Good luck in high school.”

“Thanks uncle Gwil.” I then turned to uncle Ben and he said.

“You know you don’t need an invitation, come here.” I giggled and he wrapped me up in his strong arms. “Have a safe flight back to the states love.”

“I will uncle Ben. Send me more videos of your drumming, maybe one with you and Rog together.”

“We’ll try and arrange it.” He gave me a kiss on the top of my head and that’s when uncle Joey said.

“I don’t know whether to feel squishy or be jealous.” We both laughed and I said.

“Don’t worry uncle Joey. You’ll always be my favorite uncle.”

“Oh no I was actually referring to Ben.” I faked a gasp and punched him in the arm making him cry out. “I’m kidding squirt! God you’ve got a strong arm, when did you get so strong?” I rolled my eyes at him and hugged him.

“Bye uncle Joey.”

“See yah soon kiddo. I expect a call every single night and a facetime after your first day of high school. I don’t care what time it’ll be, I will freakin answer it and have these three with me to chat with you about your first day.”

“I’ll call and text you, don’t worry.”

“You better.” He bopped my nose before giving me a long, wet kiss right on my cheek.  I groaned and whined out as I wiped away the access spit while he just looked at me all innocently.  I then turned to my dad and Lucy.

“Take care of my dad while I’m gone.” I said to Lucy.

“Don’t worry I’ll make sure he doesn’t work himself too hard. It was great to finally meet you (y/n), and thank you for your approval of us.”

“You’ve made my dad happier than I’ve seen him since mom. It’s…..just like Freddie and Mary were, you are the love of his life. And I can see that.” She smiled and the two of us hugged each other before I turned to my dad.  He brought me into his arms and he said.

“Be sure to text me as soon as you land okay?”

“I will I promise. Thanks for letting me stay the summer dad. I know you’re gonna do great come award season.”

“All I care about is that you’re proud of me and that you’re happy about the project.”

“I am.” He cupped each side of my face and kissed the center of my forehead.

“Last call for flight 5487621 nonstop to New York City.” We heard over the intercom.  I grabbed my bag and bid my family a final farewell and they waved goodbye to me as I handed the gate keeper my ticket and boarding pass.  

He accepted it and allowed me to walk in with the flight attendant who would keep an eye on me throughout the flight since I was an unaccompanied minor.

She lead me to my seat and helped put my luggage up along the ceiling console.

“If you need anything else, just ask for the name Tabitha.”

“Thank you Tabitha.” I thanked her and she smiled as she walked off.  I then went into my purse to take out my phone to turn it off but before I did, I noticed a group chat with four numbers I didn’t recognize.  I unlocked my phone using my passcode and opened up my messages to see the following.

Hello (y/n), this is John Deacon. I hope you have a safe flight. It was wonderful to getting to know you, and you have so much talent to give to the world. Good luck with your final young years of school before you move on to university. I know you’ll soon go far in life if you stay as you are.

And….Always be happy 😊

I smiled as I read the next message under that.

Hey lovie,

It was so great to meet you, you’re sweet, loving, and have an ear for talent. Thank you for being a fan of ours and for always supporting us.  You’re an amazing kid (sometimes I wish my own were like you at your age hehehe) anyways thank you for coming to visit us and see the filming. You made our days brighter whenever you were on set. Good luck with high school and crush all those bastards who think you can’t make it. I’ve got a solo single coming out soon and you shall receive the first copy signed by yours truly.

Rock hard and….havealovely flight, bye 😉 Roger Taylor

He even gave me the drum emoji and I couldn’t help but smile as his final farewell sounded like the old fan club message they gave in 1991.  I scrolled down again and I saw the next message.

Hello (y/n)

I hope you have a safe flight back to the US and that you enjoyed seeing London for the first time.  It was great to meet you and as the previous two have said, you are talented.  I know eventually you’ll make it big in whatever you do.

Also thanks for the lovely support you’ve helped given to some of my animal organizations, I greatly appreciate it. You are a kind soul and I know that you’ll grow up to be an even kinder young woman. Lots of love from me and safe journeys home my number 1 fan.

-Bri.

I blushed.  God I still can’t believe Fred tattled on me about my secret girl crush on Brian.  That was going to loom over me for the rest of my life, especially since he had sent a copy of the picture of him, Gwil and me with that double cheek kiss and my ugly shocked face.  Then finally I read the last message who I already had an idea by now of who it was from.

My little protégé *sparkles emoji*

I had a wonderful time of not only getting to know your lovely father, but his radiant daughter as well.  You Maleks are gonna go far in life. Thank you for gifting us with your sunshine aurora and bubbly personality.

If you keep believing in yourself and face each day with courage and pride about who you are, you’re gonna slay them all and even break some hearts along the way. (And if any break yours first, you just let me know and I’ll sort it out darling)

Have a lovely trip back home and I hope you come to see us at our next concert in Madison Square Garden after all this award seasonal shit is done.

Keep smiling and lots of love and hugs

Freddie Fucking Mercury *heart eyes, kisses emojis*

I smiled and held my phone close to my heart.

“Excuse me Ms. Malek, we’re about to start taking off, may I please ask you to turn off your phone.” I nodded but not before quickly making a screenshot of the messages from each of the band members and saving it to my phone.

Separately labeling it as POSITIVE FEEDBACK.  I then turned off my phone and prepared for a long flight back to the states to meet with uncle Sami since the high school I was going to was the one he teaches at.

As we took off into the air I kept thinking to myself of all the great memories I had with my family and couldn’t believe that even meeting the band that I have loved for almost ten years now.  They treated me like I was part of the cast family.

And I will take that with me to my grave.

*Extended ending*

“And the winner is…..Rami Malek!” I cheered as loudly as I could as tears of happiness came running down my face. Sitting with my uncles Joe, Gwil and Ben as well as other cast and crew members of the film we all stood up and cheered as Allison Janey and Gary Oldman presented my dad with the Oscar for Best Actor for Bohemian Rhapsody.

I hugged my uncle Joey as he lifted me off the ground and I kissed his cheek and he peppered kisses all over me.  Uncle Gwil wrapped me in his arms and uncle Ben hugged me from behind and kissed the back of my head as we all tried to calm down so we could hear my dad’s speech.

God he deserved this. Golden globe, Emmy, BAFTA, SAG, AACTA and now Oscar winner.  Not only was this is first Oscar nomination and award, but he would forever be known as the first ever Arabic actor to win an Academy award.

“And one final shout out to a very special young lady who is out there somewhere with the rest of my cast. This award also goes out to my beautiful daughter who is now starting to figure out her own identity as she marches towards the final steps of life. This award goes out to her, to show her that if I can do it, then so can she. I love you my baby girl, thank you for believing in me. For being my number one fan forever and always. And I love you 3000 my heart.” He blew a kiss towards the camera and I couldn’t help but cry.

I felt uncle Joey wrap his arm around me as he rubbed my arm up and down, leaning his head against mine placing a kiss on top of it.

“I love you 3000 too baba.”

At the afterparty when my dad came in after doing some interviews, we all cheered and the first one to glomp him in a hug was uncle Joey.  They patted each other’s backs in a brotherly manner before Gwil and Ben stepped in and the four of them group hugged with each other.

“Where is she?” asked my dad.

“I’m here baba.” I said.  He smiled widely and came over to me and immediately hugged me.

“You did it dad, you’re a champion.”

“No lovebug, we are the champions.” I smiled and buried my face into his neck as he placed his hand behind my head and he just held onto me.

Being the daughter of Rami Malek would soon change my life after the Oscars.  Now that everyone knew my dad’s name, he was going to go on to do bigger and bigger things. Like just recently he’s been named the James Bond villain.  And now his famed show Mr. Robot is coming to an end.

But even through the bigger fame to his name, he still remained as humble as ever and still managed to make time for me as I continued on throughout my high school years.  

And when the time came for me to graduate I saw all my uncles, my dad, auntie, grandma, on Instagram live (curtest of uncle Joey) I knew Queen was watching from all the way across the sea, and my new stepmom Lucy all cheering for me as I was given my diploma.

Yeah, life was good.  And I sure as hell had a pretty cool dad to be there for me whenever I need him.

[fignewtn]

notable be more chill moments (7/15/19)

i haven’t been in the bmc fandom in a couple of years, but i finally got to see it on broadway today!! i haven’t been following the show too closely since the exit 82 run, so here are some fun little things that happened that surprised me (aka, were different from the original off-broadway run!)

the set is gorgeous! much more complex than the original

canon bi jeremy?? (”hhh girls!! BOYS!!” in more than survive’s instrumental break)

christine was adorable. i understand why jeremy was in love with her

THE BACKGROUND PROJECTIONS!! tpg was super cool bc the projections made it look like they were in a real Bideo Game

gerard was on for jeremy that night! he fit the role surprisingly well (and of course, “don’t touch me, tall-ass!” was changed to “short-ass” for this performance)

he posted that he’d been a little sick on ig i think?? but he didn’t really sound like it, except during some falsetto notes that were a bit raspy

he was v sweaty. like, wet patches appeared on his costume from where he was clutching at it during “loser, geek, or whatever”

gerard had a mic malfunction, it sounded as if something was stuck/caught on his mic, muffling it?? so to remedy this, joel waggoner (on in place of jason sweettooth williams) brought a can of compressed air into the payless scene and did a whole bit where he used the can to intimidate jeremy by spraying him, when in reality he was spraying the mic to clear it up! i didn’t realize this wasn’t a part of the show until i later saw someone who had seen today’s show comment on its unusualness!

jeremy is absolutely BESOTTED with christine during “i love play rehearsal” like he is just Heart Eyes the whole time, nodding and smiling

in do you wanna ride brooke and chloe sandwich jeremy between them and he looks like he’s trying not to pass out

both brooke and chloe almost-twerk on jeremy, during do you wanna ride/hang respectively

in the mall, george is dressed as a rich middle aged white mom. it’s great

during bmc pt 2, the people in the mall floss. jeremy tries to copy it and fails horribly and awkwardly

brooke and jeremy full-on MAKE OUT during “upgrade,” like brooke is sat on jeremy’s lap on the bleachers and they’re just goin at it

the costumes!! i loved how each character had a certain “style”

MANY implied rich/michael moments towards the end

this show had anthony on as rich!! he was super good, and definitely distinct from gerard’s rich. his voice is a bit more classically theatrical than gerard’s “rock” style as rich

rich asks if michael is single during the hospital scene. michael overhears this.

michael walks into the hospital room, goes “hi rich...” then RUSHES over to jeremy’s bed saying “byerich!” nervously, it’s sweet and funny

during “voices in my head,” rich’s hand creeps over to hold michael’s hand, people were SCREAMING (michael pulled his away tho)

sync up is such a lil bop?? like the choreo for when they say “let’s sync up!” is adorable

smartphone hour was BY FAR the most energetic number. i was struggling so hard to sing along.

on that note, tiffany mann is an AMAZING jenna. it said in the playbill that she studied opera and you could def hear it in her vocals, esp. in pitiful children when she did That

they showed pics of the burning house and jenna taking selfies in the bg projection

during the play the stage is set up as if the audience is looking onto the stage from backstage, you can see the “performers” from the back

brooke drinks everything with a straw, including the squip serum.

squip’s costumes. he has blonde hair in the beginning, but then he gets this weird shiny wig/cap that looks like anime hair. he also gets like, a rad light-up shifty cloak outfit

he gets lowered down from the ceiling at one point and it’s great

during the halloween party he passes out facedown onto the bed

hehe i think that’s all i can think of rn but if i think of more i’ll post em!

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: STRANGER THINGS 3

Stranger Things season 3 is here!!!!! Bust out your 80s nostalgia and demogorgon attitude because I fully don’t remember where we left off but Netflix kind of reminded me in a very extended recap that was definitely too long? Whatever, let’s just discuss the wigs! (AND MUCH MORE).

As with last season (and any season of TV I review) I will be adding each episode to this post and then changing my wig verdict as the season progresses. 

CHAPTER ONE: SUZIE DO YOU COPY?

We begin with two tweens making out and YUCK I really don’t want to live through this! I share this opinion with Sheriff Hopper who has to live through these make out sessions that are scored by 80s soft rock music. Even more insulting: THESE HAIRCUTS. I don’t know at what point these kids are gonna outgrow their bowlcuts but the answer seems to be a resounding: NEVER. Also Elle’s hair has finally grown out! TO THIS?!?!?! What overprocessed curly nightmare is this?! I feel like they were going for a Jennifer Grey situation but if that’s the case, I’ll be needing like 110% more hairspray and like 200% more dancing ability, please.

Anyway, the real news in town is: THERE’S A MALL NOW! It’s called Starcourt which is the most 80s sounding name ever and it is home to SCOOPS AHOY ice cream shoppe where Steve and Uma Thurman/Ethan Hawke’s daughter works. This whole storyline is incredibly Fast Times at Ridgemont High themed but Steve’s hair is still very wonderful. Also he can get all the tweens into the movie theater which is showing Day of the Dead and I get it Stranger Things: YOU ARE MAKING ALL THE 80S MALL REFERENCES. 

Also: Dustin is back from camp! It was a science camp called Camp KNOW where and I am definitely gonna see some assholes in this shirt this summer. Anyway, this storyline was all about Dustin forcing his friends into helping him with a radio tower to talk to his possibly fake girlfriend named Suzie and truly: meh.

Meanwhile: WINONA’S SEASON 3 WIG! I’ve gotta say, this season is the best season of wig for Winona. Sure, it is still very much a mess (as is she after the untimely death of her boyfriend Rudy Reuttiger!) but it’s the best wig she’s had so far so MAZEL!

Elsewhere, the most boring teen couple in America (aka Nancy and Will’s brother whose name I won’t learn) are working at the local newspaper and Nancy’s whole job seems to be fetching hamburgers for an entire room of #MeToo examples. Her hair is business chick 80s which is to say: on brand but I could use about 90% more Working Girl, please. 

And now let’s get to the only storyline I truly cared about: Nancy’s mom Karen Wheeler (aka Carla Buono). Every season, her wig brings the drama and glamour I crave in an 80s-based TV show. The arc of her wig story is truly the story of America - from 70s disco queen to bored early 80s housewife to the wig we see today - 80s mall glamour queen. AND I AM HERE FOR IT. She and the other ladies of the Hawkins Town Pool are unfortunately here for the worst character on this show: BILLY.

UGH BILLY. I will give this show major props for having his entrance to the same music playing when Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool in Fast Times (second Fast Times reference in this episode tho) but it’s a gender reversal I can definitely get behind. HOWEVER BILLY IS THE WORST. Within 2 seconds of his entrance, he fat shames a tweenager and also HAS THE WORST WIG.

Nothing has changed much from last season on this wig front. It is still very much a curly dried out MESS which is very much trying to reference Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire yet this bish has yet to wail on a saxophone or talk about granny panties so truly: no redeeming qualities here. 

This does not dissuade Carla Buono from falling under the spell of Billy’s terrible wig. To be fair, her husband is a constantly napping Reagan supporter of indeterminate middle age. Anyway, the episode ends with her getting 80s GLAMOUROUS for a latenight rendezvous with Billy at a fleabag hotel. Billy, however, is run off the road by falling/exploding rats (?) and then dragged into a dirty warehouse full of said exploding rats which truly is the fate I wanted for him and his bad rattail so: COSIGN.

CHAPTER TWO: MALL RATS

We begin with Billy in the rat-infested warehouse being very much alive, so already: I’M ANGRY WITH THIS EPISODE. However, Billy and his awful wig have definitely been through the ringer and he’s about to high-tail it out of there when he comes face to face with: HIMSELF?!?! I don’t know what sort of US crossover this is supposed to be...can we get Jordan Peele on the horn about this? Anyway, he drives out of there in his now somehow completely fine car that didn’t work about 5 minutes ago and then stops at the most bizarrely situated telephone booth literally in the middle of nowhere. I thought this might be a Bill & Ted crossover but nope: he just tries to call 911 before all the electricity bails on that plan.

In other telephone news, Mike has been shook to his core by Sheriff Hopper and tells Elle that he can’t see her and makes up some lies about his grandma. Queen on the scene/his mom Karen and her GLAMOROUS PERFECTION WIG are somehow listening in (KAREN!!!!) and she’s concerned about grandma now too. Everyone back at the pool is concerned about Billy/”Billy” (not sure if he’s the real thing or a mole person version or a possessed alien version - probably the latter) and he is straight up RUDE to Karen so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY ALWAYS. There are also a bunch of shots of the back of his nightmare wig that gave me the shivers. Oh, and he fully kidnaps the other lifeguard as a human sacrifice to a demogorgon blob so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY x100000.

This episode also introduced MAYOR CARY ELWES! This is very good casting and this whole storyline seems like an homage to Jaws so: OK! Also Sheriff Hopper asked Winona’s season 3 wig (which is still good!) on a date/nondate which she definitely didn’t attend because she had far more important lessons to learn about magnets and that’s probably the best reason to stand up a dude ever.

Elsewhere, boring couple is investigating some weird rat/fertilizer situation at an old lady’s house and basically I didn’t pay attention to this part because it was boring and it involved exploding rats so: hard pass. Nancy’s hair looked fine. Jonathan’s hair is a mess. The end.

The rest of the episode was devoted to the only kind of rats I like: MALL RATS! Over at Scoops Ahoy, my favorite bromance between Steve and Dustin was rekindled and truly it is a beautiful thing. 

However, Maya Hawke and her language skills (which are romance based, not Russian but whatever!) come into play to translate the Soviet message Dustin intercepted. They somehow translate it (SURE?) and also Maya’s hair is about as 80s as John Travolta’s 70s costumes were in 50s-set Grease. This hair is pure 2019 and you do you Stranger Things. THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS. 

Meanwhile, Mike is BUMMED about having to lie to Elle so he brings Lucas and Will along with him to the mall to...buy something for Elle to erase the lie he told her? The whole time Will kept asking when they could leave and play D&D and the whole time I wanted these boys to not have bowl cuts anymore.

In the most important storyline, Elle teamed up with Max to have a LADIES DAY AT THE MALL AND I WAS HERE FOR IT! Max does not seem like the kind of chick who is into fashion or commercialism but her overriding guidance of finding yourself through consumerism and forsaking any sad feelings about boys is just good TV. Retail therapy is great!

And I’m sorry but there is absolutely no better cinema than an 80s makeover montage to effing MATERIAL GIRL. YES PLEASE.

Elle also used her powers to prank some asshole chicks at the Orange Julius and this whole part of the show felt very Girls Just Want To Have Fun (the movie but I guess also the song) so VERY YES PLEASE.

THEY EVEN TOOK EFFING GLAMOUR SHOTS. CAN YOU EVEN?! THIS IS EVERYTHING! I don’t know who funded this amazing afternoon at the mall since Max’s parents seem like pretty absentee wrong-side-of-the-tracks types and clearly this whole mall fiasco goes against everything Sheriff Hopper stands for but whatever logic: YAY MALL!

In the end, Elle calls out Mike on his lie and DUMPS HIS ASS! GIRL POWER! MALL POWER! ICE CREAM POWER 4EVER!

CHAPTER THREE: THE CASE OF THE MISSING LIFEGUARD

My favorite bromance, Dustin and Steve, are on the hunt for Russians in the mall! This whole plot is ridiculous and wonderful. They think they’re really onto something here (and maybe they are?) and just need to find some guy with blonde hair and a duffle bag (like all Russians!) When they find someone who fits that description, he turns out to be a FABULOUS aerobics instructor and I like what everyone has done here with the gay or European? trope.

Meanwhile, Hopper comes home from being stood up with bottle of Chianti and general sense of hopelessness when everything takes a turn for the GREAT because Elle isn’t making out with Mike - she’s found a great galpal and they’re having a sleepover. Halleluj all over the place! Elle deserves a great galpal and Max is pretty awesome and can ALMOST land an ollie so I say amen. Winona’s season 3 wig (still great!) shows up and explains about magnets and then they go back to the lab and find an actual Russian (not an aerobics instructor!) but then he hightails it out of there with no other explanation other than the fact that he might be the Terminator and/or just a motorcycle enthusiast.

Anyway, Elle and Max have the best sleepover EVER by using Elle’s sensory deprivation skills to spy on the boys and truly this is the What Men Want crossover no one wanted but sure! (PS the answer is Doritos belches and farts UGH BOYS). 

Beyond that, what Will wants is to just play D&D IN THIS GODDAMNED ELEGANT CAPE, OK?! Mike and Lucas go along with it for a bit, but they are just too girl crazy to concentrate on being a nerd for long. Mike yells at Will, “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” which is interesting phraseology since the internet really wants Will to be gay and only time will tell but honey: the cape eleganza story you’re serving is pretty fabulous, just sayin! (THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS). 

Anyway, after some fun sensory deprivation visions of the guys doing stupid stuff, Elle and Max decide to invent a whole spin-the-bottle inspired game to see what other dudes in Hawkins are up to and dammit if the bottle didn’t land on my wig nemesis BILLY. Elle sees that he’s up to some pretty effed up nonsense involving kidnapping that other lifeguard so they decide to investigate IN THE RAIN.

The rest of the episode is mainly devoted to fabulous 80s raincoat fashion and I WAS HERE FOR IT. Beyond these great raincoat lewks, most of the rest of the cast also rocked some fab 80s raincoats (excepting Will who got soaked destroying his childhood fort and Steve who OF COURSE was wearing a members only jacket but jokes on him bc that rain totally dented his ‘do). 

Anyway, Elle and Max go over to the missing lifeguard’s house and OF COURSE her dad is the #1 asshole that boring couple works with (oh also they did more boring investigating which resulted in an old lady eating fertilizer. Meh). But shocker: BILLY AND HIS AWFUL WIG WERE THERE TOO.

LOOK AT THE SIDE OF THIS DAMN WIG. Truly, this wig IS the demogorgon of this season.

Anyway, double shocker: THE LIFEGUARD ALSO WAS THERE! Or I guess a possessed version of her since this plotline is getting less US and more Invasion of the Body Snatchers (no need to return my call anymore, Jordan Peele). Also possession or not, this chick’s side pony and wispy bangs are the true terrors (second only to Billy’s wig). 

Also can we talk about Billy’s mustache for a second? IT IS SO DISGUSTING. That’s all I have to say. I don’t want to look at it any further.  Also look at how dried out this wig is and this whole episode involves torrential rain. I DEMAND MORE WIG HUMIDITY DAMMIT.

Anyway, Max and Elle (smartly) hightail it out of there right before Billy and the lifeguard attack her parents for further demogorgon possessions and we get one last terrifying view of Billy’s wig. HORRIFYING.

CHAPTER FOUR: THE SAUNA TEST

So I’m really liking the whole Elle and Max vibe going along here. I also like that they weren’t dissuaded by the whole Billy being a possessed demogorgon thing to spoil their sleepover. IT CONTINUES! And not only that, Max is literally introducing  WONDER WOMAN TO ELLE. I could watch an entire episode of this also because both of their hair isn’t too offensive and they’ve both discovered scrunchies. Mazel! But of course, the guys call in a code red and they have to hightail it over there to fix everything. Ain’t it always the way, ladies?

I would like to take a moment to talk about bowl cuts. So far, I have just lumped both Will and Mike’s bowl cuts into “awful” territory as all bowl cuts are awful. However, this episode gets a lot of shots of the back of Will’s head (because the back of his neck is always sensing those goddamned demogorgons). Anyway, it became very clear in this episode just how terrible this wig is as opposed to Mike’s terrible bowl cut actual hair. I consulted the internet, and apparently the kid who plays Will CUT HIS HAIR (which he was contractually obligated NOT to do) days before shooting began and the wigmaster had to scramble and make a wig literally out of the childhood cut hair of one of her assistants. READ IT ALL HERE. Despite her hustle, this wig sucks in the way that all man wigs suck: the back taper is just all off!! And with all those closeups of Will’s neck it is VERY DISTRACTING!! Billy officially is not the only one with a terrible man wig this season. But his is still the worst!

It did hide a bit under this sweet NIAGARA FALLS hat this episode. And his oily bohunk body was hidden under this sweatshirt which was a dead giveaway to all the kids that SOMETHING WAS AMISS HERE since Billy can barely keep a shirt on at school let alone the pool. Since Will knows that demogorgons (specifically the mind flayer?) like it CHILL, everyone was all: THIS DUDE IS STRAIGHT UP POSSESSED. Great work, kids! Also honestly, this whole lewk was giving me Weekend At Bernies realness and I was here for it (since it implies that Billy is dead which I would like very much please). 

Meanwhile, Hopper’s anger management issues get PEAK BLOODY when he just beats the shit out of Cary Elwes (who is technically kind of his boss?) in demanding answers about that Terminator/motorcycle enthusiast who beat the shit out of HIM last episode. Oh, and just an FYI: Winona’s season 3 wig was along for the ride and was still looking great! I cannot say the same for Cary Elwes’s face!

Over at Scoops Ahoy, Steve and his superior wigless mane are doing some serious air duct work with the help of Lucas’s precocious sister. This whole plotline begs the question: do any of the parents of Hawkins ever know where their kids are?

Meanwhile, boring couple is on the rocks after having a really boring fight about whether it’s worse to be a woman or poor and they called it a draw I guess? Anyway, I haven’t spent much time talking about Nancy’s hair which is starting to look a little lumpy honestly and the article I read (link above) told me the bizarre fun fact that most of this hair is real and permed (duh) but that part of the undercarriage is remnants from Winona’s season 1 wig which is obviously why it looks so shitty. The more you know!

Anyway, after being fired by the #metoo boss (who is now also demogorgon possessed) for wanting to investigate why that old lady with the fertilizer eating rats is now also eating fertilizer, she turned to her mom - the one and only queen of Hawkins glamour - KAREN WHEELER. LOOK AT THIS GODDAMNED PERFECT LEWK. Mama Karen ended up giving her a very great motivational pep talk that legit made me cry (SERIOUSLY) about how she had to keep fighting and get the world out about this effed up fertilizer situation. She also delivered a sick burn about her constantly napping husband. I LOVE YOU KAREN.

Back at the town pool, all the kids concocted a Home Alone-style booby trap to get Billy into the sauna, crank up the heat, and prove that there is a heat-hating demogorgon inside him. It kind of worked except they also almost died during the battle royale between Billy’s inner demon (literal this time) and Elle. 

Also I know that I demanded wig humidity last time but this is NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG THIS WIG IS A GHOSTMARE. Anyway, Elle saved the day (duh) for now by throwing Billy through a brick wall like he was the Kool-Aid man but seems like he’s forming a demogorgon army of possessed mole people so seems like it’s gonna be one crazy summer, you guys!

CHAPTER FIVE: THE FLAYER

Straight off the bat: this was a weird episode because it included neither my least favorite wigwearer, Billy, nor (SOB) my favorite wig wearer, KAREN WHEELER. So we were left with a bunch of other randos, mainly Soviets. We begin with Winona’s season 3 wig (looking a little rough around the edges in this episode, I am sad to report) and Hopper, fresh off the info he beat out of Mayor Cary Elwes, high tailing it to some farm owned by The Terminator dude. Under his bed, they find a bunker with these two dudes in it. Good morning!

Terminator dude, obvs shows up fairly immediately and lots of yelling, guns, and machismo ensue. In the end, the Terminator is briefly subdued by a fallen bookshelf and Winona’s season 3 wig, Hopper, and one of the rando Soviets escape but not without car troubles because: of course?

After Hopper’s truck explodes, they are all forced to walk through the woods while Winona’s season 3 wig hilariously tries to ask the non-English-speaking Soviet dude about magnets. It’s all pretty silly stuff but I’m here for Winona’s season 3 wig to get some comedic scenes instead of long suffering Christmas light crying scenes.

Anyway, they find a 7-11 where a lot of product placement and caffeine takes place, as well as Hooper yelling a lot for no reason which is essentially his entire character this season. Get some anger management classes, dude! Also the rando Soviet gets a slushie so between that and Billy’s icee last episode: WHAT A TIME FOR FLAVORED ICE WATER!

My absolute favorite part of the episode came next when Hooper commandeered a sweet convertible from this yuppie asshole. I’m not sure how often police commandeer vehicles in real life but I love it when they do it in movies because it’s always taking a car from some pompous idiot who clearly doesn’t deserve to drive (see: Speed, So I Married An Axe Murderer, etc). You can’t get more pompous or idiotic than this yuppie (named Todd, of course?!) with both a popped Polo shirt AND a blazer with zhuzhed sleeves AND white pants. THE NERVE OF THIS GUY FOR EVEN EXISTING! PLEASE TAKE HIS CAR! OMG HIS LICENSE PLATE IS TDFTHR! EVERYTHING IS JUSTIFIED!

Then Hopper, Winona’s season 3 wig, and the rando Soviet drive directly to Murray’s compound in Illinois. I’m bummed we have to suffer through Murray and his existence again since I’ll never forgive him for the gross pull-out couch jokes he made about #boringcouple’s sex romp at his house but here we are. He DOES speak Russian so let’s just get through this translation. Oh and obviously the Terminator dude questioned the 7-11 clerk so he’s probably on his way to Murray’s house now, hopefully to kill him so I don’t have to suffer through any more of his gross sex jokes. 

Meanwhile, the Scoops Ahoy spy crew are still locked in that elevator they took way into the bedrock of earth/logic but somehow manage to escape when some (more!) rando Soviets come to unlock some deliveries. Then they discover the whole Soviet plan to reopen the Upside Down while also not being noticed by one single Soviet (great security, dudes!) except for this one Soviet who Steve beats up (GO STEVE!) I’d also like to say that Steve’s superior wigless mane is truly wonderful in this episode. The lights from the underground labs really bring out his summer highlights and it’s truly a thing of beauty. Uma Thurman’s daughter continues to have a 2019 beach wave blunt instagram cut not welcome in this 80s narrative please but otherwise she’s fine. 

Over with #boringcouple, they got back together I guess? Remember at the end of season 1 when we were all deeply offended that Nancy was still with Steve and NOT Will’s brother (I refuse to believe he has an actual name). How things have changed! If Steve ever took back Nancy, I would be personally DEEPLY OFFENDED so I guess it’s fine she’s just still a #boringcouple but it’s still boring you guys. Even more boring: the actors are a couple in real life and have been for years! I just found this out this week and found it DEEPLY BORING.

Anyway, #boringcouple teams up with the tween gang to solve this whole fertilizer eating mystery and Nancy totally mommed it up when she put her shitty perm back in a banana clip and told all the kids to buckle up so she could drive her parents’ wood-paneled station wagon and honestly this section felt very Adventures in Babysitting so I’ll allow it. Also Will’s bro’s hair always looks like it was cut by a weed wacker and I’m not sure if this is a comment on his socioeconomic plight but truly Winona’s season 3 wig should get her kids better haircuts please. If her wig can improve so can theirs. In any case, at the missing lifeguard’s house, they vaguely put together some blood-related clues and then decide to visit the fertilizer eating grandma in the hospital.

Only fertilizer eating grandma ain’t there, hunties! Also please return all those flowers to their vase, please. Instead, #boringcouple apologized to each other for their boring fight in an elevator and then had to fight two possessed #metoo bros from the newspaper (which was very satisfying) while Elle and Mike basically starred in an M&Ms commercial in the waiting room. I honestly was hoping that #boringcouple would get possessed too but they ended up being ok (SIGH) and the back of Will’s bowl cut wig sensed danger so I guess Elle is just gonna have to fix everything in the next episode or 3. 

CHAPTER SIX: E PLURIBUS UNUM

We begin, UGH, with #boringcouple who are still battling with (part of?) the mind flayer in the hospital and Nancy gets very Sigourney Weaver in Alien and I thought she was about to get flayed but sadly Elle saved her ass. Back at Hooper’s bunker, the whole gang is still basically relying Elle for both protection and sensory deprivation recon. Nancy gels her hair up for some reason (I hope she used DEP!) and Will keeps getting the tingles on the back of his terrible bowl cut wig. Max and Mike have a battle royale about who cares about Elle more and whether women can make their own decisions about their own telepathic powers which Nancy rightfully weighs in on (you go gurl?) But honestly, no one was protecting Elle from the real catastrophe here: WEARING CRISS CROSS SUSPENDERS THE WHOLE GODDAMNED EPISODE. Suspenders are fine and I’m glad Elle has found fashion, but maybe the kids can elect one of them as Elle’s suspenders advocate to avoid this in the future?

Meanwhile, Terminator dude still hasn’t caught up with Murray (sadly) and everyone in his bunker is still very much alive, at least until they die of lung cancer (ZING!) Anyway, Murray does a lot of Russian translation, rando Soviet dude throws a diva fit about slurpee flavors, Hopper continues his reign of anger management/alcoholism problems, and Winona’s season 3 wig is honestly not looking great. They do somehow figure out what the Russians are doing under Starcourt (they even make diagrams and use a lot of Burger King product placement to reenact nuclear scanarios!) And Hopper calls a secure line to demand backup back in Hawkins. Okay?

Back in Hawkins, Bloody Bloody Cary Elwes seems to have recovered from Hopper’s beating pretty nicely (as long as he keeps those shades on) and is very much invested in the 4th of July county fair he is PRODUCING (he even made signs crediting himself!) The Terminator dude demands answers about Hooper but no matter: JUST ENJOY THIS FAIR RIDE!

Speaking of people getting face beatings, Steve is getting absolutely SAVAGED by the Soviets. It was honestly very heartbreaking because he has somehow become the male MVP of this show, partially to do with his hair god status (EVEN WITH A BLOODY FACE HIS HAIR LOOKS SO GREAT!) but also because he’s become a really sweet guy and I just want him to catch a damn break! (Tho please continue to be broken up with Nancy - dear god!) 

We shouldn’t be too worried about him getting back together with Nancy, though, because if it wasn’t clear from the moment Uma Thurman’s daughter was introduced: THESE TWO ARE OBVS GETTING TOGETHER. Her hair is still a very 2019 distraction but she’s def an upgrade from Nancy. However, after taking some weird Soviet truth serum (probably just LSD, right?) she admits that she harbored a crush on him way back in the 10th grade and also totally undermines her cool outsider status by admitting that all losers want to be popular (I DON’T KNOW IF ALL LOSERS STAND BY THIS GURL I HOPE THIS IS JUST THE LSD TALKING!) This whole section gives a lot of Some Kind of Wonderful realness and honestly that is a lesser John Hughes work so I’m not sure I can give any of this a passing grade. However, Dustin and my new favorite sass machine, Erica save the day with a nuclear cow prod! GREAT WORK KIDS! ALSO YOUR PARENTS DEFINITELY DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE! Speaking of parents, yet again the glamour of KAREN WHEELER did not grace itself in this episode and we were all worse for it.

Back at Hopper’s cabin, Elle decides to go nuclear with her sensory deprivation recon and we all have to welcome BILLY (UGH BILLY) and his terrible wig back. Anyway, he pushes her further into the recesses of his memory/all logic on an astral plane that can only be described as the place where Michelle Pfeiffer was in the Ant-Man sequel (IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW VERY DARE YOU). So we get a lot of terrible childhood flashbacks which try to show Billy’s abusive tendencies to be learned from his horrible upbringing and truly: DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT BILLY.

JUST LOOK AT THIS IDIOT. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Despite the humidity of his entire body, his wig remains a dried out hellscape that I would love to never see again for the rest of my days. Also he almost traps Elle in the astral plane they’re on JUST LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER IN THAT ANT-MAN MOVIE) but she escapes into the arms of Mike (fine sure) and then Billy explains that he and and his army of mole people have been waiting for Elle this whole time and: REALLY? That seems very specific but you do you, mole people. Oh also all those mole people (grandma fertilizer included!) all file into the rat warehouse and shapeshift into a disgusting mind flayer/demogorgon/blob nightmare. YAY!

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE BITE

Welcome to the Fun Fair (a Mayor Cary Elwes production!) Somehow he recovered from his terrible face beating to show some FACE at this thing. The whole town is there and ready for some 4th of July FUN that will definitely not be ruined by Russians or demogorgons. 

Most importantly, this episode gave us the triumphant return of KAREN WHEELER! HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING! She is bringing full out bouffant glamour to the Fun Fair and damn if she didn’t have this lewk done at Dolly Parton’s salon in Steel Magnolias. IT IS THAT GOOD.  Clearly employing the “higher the hair the closer to god” theory - and not just hair-wise actually because this bish bribed some carnie to stop the ferris wheel at its highest point so that she and her family (at least the part of her family whose whereabouts she knows about) can enjoy some FIREWORKS. KAREN YOU MINX I LOVE YOU! HOW ARE YOU STILL MARRIED TO THIS DUDE IN GOLF PANTS?!

The top of the ferris wheel is also a perfect place to see the incoming demogorgon!! The back of Will’s bowl cut is getting the tingles too. And before Elle can fully explain her trip into Billy’s beach memories, the mind flayer is THERE, y’all, busting through the roof of Hopper’s cabin like it’s straight out of a 50s b-movie. I would like to note that for ONCE Winona’s house isn’t about to get trashed so mazel! #Boringcouple armed themselves with guns and axes but obvs they prove completely useless and the flayer is about to steal Elle away when they make a human chain and are victorious...FOR NOW.

Meanwhile, Dustin and Erica are dealing with a very drugged up Steve and Uma Thurman’s daughter and decide to lay low in a showing of (WHAT ELSE?): Back to the Future! They actually show so much of this movie that I’m assuming the entire wig budget went straight to Robert Zemeckis. 

Over in the TDFTHER convertible, Winona’s season 3 wig is looking a damn MESS as is all the side projection of them getting back to Indiana. There’s a lot of bickering between Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper and finally my beloathed Murray has to meet his gross sex talk quota for the season and tells both of them to just have sex already and then he and the Soviet dude laugh a lot and OMG GET ME OUT OF THIS CONVERTIBLE.

#Boringcouple and the kids smash into a supermarket to get Elle some medical help for the leg that the flayer effed up. I’m not sure why a hospital wasn’t an option but it’s probably so there could be more 80s product placement like Mr. T cereal and a whole actual conversation about New Coke. Nancy’s hair is still VERY depped up. Max seems to have the most medical training from skateboard injuries and fixes Elle up pretty well while the dudes prove completely useless other than finding a treasure trove of fireworks. I guess most importantly, Elle was reunited with her ain’ true love: EGGOS. They hightail it out of there with a ton of fireworks that they definitely won’t (lol jk) use later. Oh and Elle’s blood kind of comes alive and Billy and his shitty wig come back to sniff her out. Gross. 

Speaking of gross, Steve and Uma’s daughter left the very confusing (for them) screening of Back to the Future to go stare at the Starcourt ceiling to the point of barfing (which I honestly did not need to see TWICE or at all!) The barf did get the LSD out of their systems so now it’s time for truth talk and LURVE TALK! I really have to hand it to Steve for being completely face beaten and bloody and covered in barf and still having enough swagger to admit to Uma’s daughter that he has feelings for her (despite her 2019 hair) and just when I thought this show was so predictable, Uma’s daughter comes out as a LESBIAN!! What? Okay! To his credit, Steve pivots pretty easily to ally/friend and truly: HE IS THE BEST AND WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM. ALSO PLEASE GET HELP ON YOUR FACE WOUNDS AND YOUR HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT. 

NOR DO WE DESERVE THIS MUCH GLAMOUR TWICE IN ONE EPISODE. Karen Wheeler may look great but damn if she knows where her (or Winona’s season 3 wig’s) kids are. But let’s just enjoy this space ship ride! Also a rando carnie calls Hopper “Magnum” and: sick burn. Also there is a woman dressed up as Uncle Sam at the fun fair and between this drag king realness, Uma’s daughter, that one Jazzercise instructor, and (maybe/probably) Will, I’m so ready to throw a Hawkins Pride Parade. Karen is already wearing rainbow stripes!

Elsewhere at the fun fair, Alexei is having the time of his damn life winning a Woody Woodpecker with the support of 10000 children. Sadly, his joy is cut short when the Terminator dude kills him in cold blood. HARSH. Also Murray chooses to blame himself for not guarding him like he was supposed to and instead buying a corn dog. I AGREE, MURRAY: THIS IS YOUR FAULT PLEASE LEAVE. Then Hopper has a whole sequence with the Terminator dude (and some other rando Soviet baddies) in the funhouse which is the second time this season which felt like a weird homage to US and I guess I need to get Jordan Peele on the horn again about this. Anyway, Hopper gets ANOTHER face beating and so does Cary Elwes from Winona’s (also beat) season 3 wig. 

Back at the mall, Steve and company are trying to just slip out with the rest of the movie crowd from Back to the Future but the Soviets are totally onto them and it looks like they’re about to be killed when (AGAIN) Elle saves the day by throwing a Chrysler LeBaron on them. GREAT WORK! Unfortunately, Elle is also receiving a threatening phonecall from a mini demogorgon and the call is coming from: INSIDE HER LEG. 

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE BATTLE OF STARCOURT

So this demogorgon situation with Elle’s leg is pretty severe so Will’s brother (again name NOT NECESSARY) prepares for mall surgery based on stuff found at the Panda Express and literally gave her a wooden spoon to bite on as if this was happening during the Revolutionary War. The demogorgon leg removal is not working so as always, Elle just DID IT HERSELF because she may be the only capable person in this mall/town. 

Hopper and Winona’s season 3 wig (not looking great) and (UGH) Murray show up and everyone compares notes on how to fix this whole mindflayer situation. Most importantly, Erica outsasses Murray and wins. Steve (rightly) gets the keys to the TDFTHER convertible to take him, Uma’s daughter, Dustin and Erica (now known as Scoops Troop) to Dustin’s radio tower. The rest of the tweens plus #boringcouple (now known as The Griswold Family because sure) are getting sent to Murray’s bunker and can’t they maybe stop and get Elle some medical attention on the way? No matter: they’re not going anywhere because Billy, possessed or not, still knows way too much about cars and stole their damn ignition cable. DAMMIT BILLY. 

Steve is driving the Scoops Troop up a damn hill to the radio tower while listening to Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher which I’m sure is a Ghostbusters 2 reference and also Uma’s daughter looks exactly like her in the convertible driving part of Kill Bill and honestly all of these pop cultural references are getting tiring. Anyway, from the top of the radio tower, they can see the demogorgon closing in on the mall and Steve and Uma’s daughter hightail it back there. 

At the mall, Elle is having some trouble moving that LeBaron to get the ignition cable - she can’t even move a damn coke can. WHAT GIVES? This does beg the question: since she has literally done all the heavy lifting this season, could she maybe call in a favor from her telepathic sister in Chicago? Why did this show even introduce that character - just to check off “punks” on their 80s pop culture list (note: DEFINITELY) But seriously, it’s like when Marvel makes a stand-alone superhero movie after an Avengers movie. SOMEONE GET THAT PUNK CHICK ON THE HORN!!! Anyway, Will gets some back of bowl cut tingles and the damn demogorgon smashes through the roof. Elle, Mike, and Max make a run for it through the gap, where the demogorgon confuses a mannequin wearing Elle’s same clothing and truly: the gap would NEVER sell this graphic eleganza! Did Esprit just not want to be involved in this whole mess because that is where she would have bought that. The rest of the tense gap scene plays out basically exactly like the kitchen scene in Jurassic Park. Meanwhile, #boringcouple is doing boring auto work while Billy just endlessly stalls in his evilmobile but is about to hit them when MVP hair god Steve saves the day and everyone piles into the station wagon. YAY!

Elsewhere, the Terminator dude has made it to the Soviet subbasement where Hooper, Winona’s season 3 wig and (UGH) Murray are now in Soviet apparel. Winona’s season 3 wig (looking great hidden under that hat) and Hopper have a nice talk and make plans for a legit date which definitely won’t be derailed by a demogorgon (lol jk jk). Murray manages to infiltrate the room where all the wires control the nuclear weapon the Soviets are using to open up the Upside Down and why wasn’t this room better guarded? Oh well. Much like sucking at guarding Soviets and not buying corndogs, Murray sucks at remembering important numbers which are the combination for the nuclear keys. 

Of course the code is some nerdy equation that requires Dustin to ask fellow nerd (and girlfriend Suzie who exists!) for help. But not before Suzie demands that Dustin sing....The Neverending Story theme song. This is peak 80s cultural reference and we can all go home now. Also it is mainly an excuse for Galen Matarazzo to sing and sure: he and this chick sound great! Now please get those damn keys! 

Elle,  Max and Mike are confronted with (unfortunately still alive) Billy who beats the shit out of all of them and takes Elle. She’s about to get flayed when Lucas and Will throw all those damn fireworks on the demogorgon. Sure!  Elle uses Billy’s memories to reason with him. This show definitely wants us to root for Billy all of a sudden because he turns on the demogorgon but I REFUSE TO LIKE BILLY WITH THAT DRIED OUT WIG IN THIS SWEATY MALL. 

   Back in the subbasement, Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper are ready to end this but the Terminator dude shows up. They duke it out very close to a nuclear warhead while Winona’s season 3 wig turns into MacGuyver and uses a belt to try to disarm both keys and bless her. Hopper throws the Terminator into nuclear generator thingie. Byeeeeee. Then Hopper looks back at Winona’s season 3 wig for long enough to definitely make it back into the safe glass room where she is but instead just gives a really long nod, signalling her to disarm the nuclear whatever thing and he definitely (absolutely does not) die. 

However, all my hopes and dreams for Billy’s death finally came true! YAY FOR ME AND MY HATRED OF HIS TERRIBLE WIG AND HIS CHARACTER WHICH HAD NO REDEEMING QUALITIES NO MATTER HOW MANY BEACH FLASHBACKS TRIED TO PROVE OTHERWISE. I will say that his exit is VERY METAL so in some ways, this was the only appropriate death for his Metallica and Tank loving character. FINE. Two seconds after he and the demogorgon die, the feds show up with Paul Reiser! I am honestly very mad at this show for not blasting Pat Benatar’s Little Too Late during this entire sequence. OH WELL. Outside the mall Winona’s season 3 wig and Will’s terrible bowl cut wig are reunited in a bad wig hug. Then Winona’s season 3 wig catches sight of Elle and gives her a look that says: I am definitely adopting you.

Three months later, a fake Inside Edition show gets us up to date on the burning of the mall, government coverups, and comeuppance of terrible mayor Cary Elwes. Also Uma’s daughter (now with 80s appropriate updo!) and Steve are trying to get jobs at the video store! Uma’s daughter and her love of Billy Wilder movies make her a shoe-in for the job but Steve's taste in the Ewok Star Wars movie and the 5 minutes he saw of Back To the Future whilst on LSD don’t make him the best candidate. Also he trips over a Phoebe Cates cut-out and truly Phoebe Cates: thank you for your service in being name-checked constantly this season. In the end, Steve’s awesome hair gets him the job. Maybe? 

Meanwhile, Winona’s season 3 wig is moving just like she said she was going to this whole season and no one believed her. Also she put her wig back in a ponytail and: good move it looks ok! Elle still doesn’t have her powers back but eh? She does get a heart-tugging letter from beyond the grave (he’s totally still alive) and all the kids/tweens/#boringcouple sob that they are being separated. It isn’t clear where Winona’s season 3 wig is going or how she could have sold her shitty house in the town that fake Inside Edition show called haunted. And yes, separating her now 3 PTSD kids from their only support group is also shitty but what has this goddamned town ever done for Winona and any of her seasons’ wigs other than stealing her children and killing her love interests and trashing that shitty house at least twice?! I SAY GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE (they will fully be back next season). 

After collectively sobbing all their faces off, the tweens of Hawkins are left only with the ELEGANZA OF KAREN WHEELER and whatever healthy dinner she’s preparing with the help of some white wine. YOU KIDS ARE STILL LUCKY WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE KAREN WHEELER! Oh and back in Russia, Hopper is like 110% definitely still alive. See y’all next season!

FINAL VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (YOU KNOW IT WAS BILLY’S FAULT)

[emms-jules]

thoughts about the bughead bed scene at 2x14:

change betty’s wig my gosh or just let her blonde hair down she rocks it

i’m starting to get confused as to who i find hotter between the two

it should’ve been longer

i compared the varchie scene with it, and we didn’t get EVEN the kissing action before the scene changed UGH

imagine how much giggles and smirks were emitted during the filming of this scene

and i know it’s impossible, but i can’t help but think that they might be doing more than making the bed creak by jumping

BONUS: I just realized that jughead (or cole) might be a boob person based on bughead’s first time scene last 2x12 idk tho 😂

[apicturewithasmile]

LOST rewatch (season 1):

[follow the entire rewatch-tag here]

episodes 1 and 2 – Pilot:

Jack’s Angel Hair Pasta speech is making my eyes roll so far back up my head that it hurts

Kate speaks the first “we have to go back (for him)” around minute 39 of ep1

I forgot how incredibly sexy Naveen Andrews is

John Locke doesn’t speak his first line until minute 23 of ep2 when he explains Backgammon to Walt – his iconic Orange Smile scene and the Sitting In The Rain On The Beach scene actually both happen before he gets to speak

episode 3 – Tabula Rasa:

Oh, it’s the first “previously on LOST”

the sheer loathsomeness of that fucking US marshal… ugh

Michael: “I will get your dog back as soon as it stops raining.” – rain: *stops*

Wash Away playing in the final scene

that last shot that made John look like he was gonna be some mysterious villain character when actually he’s just the jungle philosopher who talks to the island

episode 4 – Walkabout:

yaaay, the first boar action

I can’t believe they waited until the airplane food was all eaten up before they thought about finding food on the island

that asshole from the office who’s bullying John makes me so angry

“don’t tell me what I can’t do” makes its first appearance at minute 21 and is quickly followed a mere minute later by the second appearance

totally forgot that John is actually the first one to see Smokey – and that early on in the show?!

Uuuuuuh first time we see ghost!Christian Shephard

Do we really think John killed that boar on his own or did Smokey help him?

episode 5 – White Rabbit:

there’s so many times they say “the others” before there’s even any sign of The Others™ I’m starting to wonder whether it’s intentional

the best thing about Jack-centric episodes is Christian Shephard (I got it hard for daddy Shephard okay!??!?!)

do Australians really sound like that or did they mainly cast American actors for the scenes that take place in Sydney?

aaaaand there they are, the Jears (Jack tears)

episode 6 – House of the Rising Sun:

god I love Sun and Jin, I hate how underrated all of their flashbacks are

bless the bad CGI bees

look! it’s Mother’s first appearance

episode 7 – The Moth:

ugh it’s a Charlie episode -.-‘

headcanon: Jacob made that cave collapse because he wanted to get rid of Charlie

John believing and being proud in Charlie makes this episode worthwhile for me

episode 8 – Confidence Man:

Kate is actually carrying a… bundle??? of bananas over her shoulder. What’s mote #jungle aesthetic?

John you manipulative bastard, I love you!!!! I can’t wait for Not Henry Gale to join you into an endless manipulation play-off

I honestly can’t remember whether or not Sawyer and Sayid will ever work out their issues in the later seasons and actually get a somewhat friendship?! I don’t remember any bro-scenes between them which is a shame tbh.

Boone: “She’s my sister!” – god how did I think it was totally reasonable to turn this into an incetuous romance?!

episode 9 – Solitary:

Yaaaaaaaaaasssss it’s Sayid’s first episode which also means: DANIELLE ROUSSEAU!!!

I am a big Shannon/Sayid shipper but I can really understand the folks who ship Kate with Sayid. It would have been soooo much better than the love triangle of hell.

And I hate that Sayid doesn’t speak Arabic in his flashbacks. I get, Naveen Andrews doesn’t speak it but… they made Daniel Dae Kim speak Korean even tho he couldn’t?!?! It’s a bit of inconsistency that annoys the crap out of me.

I’m moaning a lot considering this is my fav show… there’s just… a couple of things about season 1 that always been bothering me.

OH MY GOD IT’S CREEPY ETHAN!!!

Danielle looks so fucking good and so does Sayid fnfsdkgnjkngjdfh my bi senses are tingling.

episode 10 – Raised By Another:

Claire’s nightmare is super fucking disturbing

Her ex is literally the most annoying fuckboy and I have absolutely forgotten about him for a good reason. What an asshole.

Kate’s been wearing the same green short for at least the past 3 episodes… which… I get because clothing is limited on the island but it reminds me of the Simpsons’ wardrobe

The fact Creepy Ethan™ is there after Claire wakes up the second time saying she’s been attacked should have been the biggest #clue.

Hurley getting the flight manifest from Sawyer by just… talking to him… my aesthetic!

The “Ethan is creepy”-reveal is soooooo well done gjfsngkngdg

episode 11 – All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues:

More Terry O’Quinn close ups please!!!

I love that John is “of course Kate is coming along” and just hands her a knife whereas Jack is always like “no, don’t come along, this is #dangerous” – like… by now we should all know there’s no stopping Kate!

John predicting the rain is one of my fav scenes.

Wooooow they discovered the hatch THAT early in the season?!??!

episode 12 – Whatever The Case May Be:

Sawyer really shouldn’t go swimming in sweet water with his wounded arm.

I love Rose :’)

okay this episode was kinda underwhelming but that might be because I remembered what was in the case

episode 13 – Hearts and Minds:

I do not remember this episode title AT ALL so I have no idea what to expect

Aaaaaah I think it’s the Shannon and Boone incest episode which explains why I have forgotten about it – one of the most unnecessary plots in the history of LOST ever

How is Boone still friends with Locke after this whole bondage mess? Nevermind, John could do anything to me and I’d still follow him to the end of the world.

“PEE ON IT!”

episode 14 – Special:

I hate that Michael’s ex took his son away from him. She shouldn’t have put him in that position. I hate her.

What is it with Michael and car accidents?

and now she’s clearing her bad conscience with money. I HATE HER!

And now Charlie’s reading Claire’s diary – I hate him, too!

Aaaand here comes the bad CGI polar bear

Every time John Locke smiles an angel gets its wings.

Claire is already back?!?!?!?

episode 15 – Homecoming:

Wait…. Is this already when they kill Creepy Ethan? If so then I really liked this episode. Probably the only moment I truly liked Charlie.

The Scott/Steve-joke never gets old.

I love that Sawyer organised a gun for Kate. If I absolutely had to ship any combination of the love triangle of hell it’d be Kate and Sawyer… but only because Juliet isn’t in the picture yet.

episode 16 – Outlaws:

Oh it’s the Sawyer versus boar episode, I love that one!

Sayid you sassy fucker, I love you!!!

I love that they made the “I never…” scene so long.

“You’re not alone – don’t pretend to be!” is exactly what I needed to hear right now, thanks Sayid!

episode 17 - …In Translation:

How are Sun and Jin both so incredibly beautiful? Newsflash: I’m bisexual!

Hurley, my lovely empathetic sunshine!

Is it just me or is Michael’s first raft bigger than the second version?

John back at it again with the jungle philosophy.

“WE ARE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE AN THIS ISLAND AND WE ALL KNOW IT!!!!” you go John, tell them!!!

Aaaah Jin’s father aka the only good father in the entire show!

episode 18 – Numbers:

FINALLY!!!

John building the cradle with Claire for the baby is breaking my heart. Jungle grandpa Locke <3

I’d love for the monster to have been a “pissed off giraffe”

DANIELLE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

episode 19 – Deus Ex Machina:

Awwww I forgot that John worked in a toy shop – that’s so cute

Damn he looks so much better without hair than he does with it

Anthony fucking Cooper you disgusting weasel of a human being

I just remembered that the “Deus” that’s in the “Machina” is Desmond Hume, my Scottish puppy – can’t wait for him to be there doing his thing

God that moment with the light is sooooo good! That’s when I was #hooked the first time I watched the show.

And I just remembered: that’s John saving Desmond’s life there and Desmond saving John’s life and rgkdabgdlkgndg

episode 20 – Do No Harm:

Jack doesn’t deserve this wonderful wife…. And I really don’t like the whole “fixing things” trope that surrounds his character.

Oh riiiiiight, Claire’s having the baby while Boone dies. I totally forgot about that. I love it!

Sun is soooo strong in this episode, I love her!

Jack: “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” – I think this is the first time someone other than John said it.

god it’s so fucking tragic with everyone looking at the baby while Shannon gets told the news her brother died. it’s too much for my tiny heart

episode 21 – The Greater Good:

John it ain’t really helping that you still drowned in Boone’s blood, my guy, my buddy, my pal.

Sayid saying “I know when I’m being lied to.” is kinda foreshadowing the whole Henry Gale affaire because he was the only one who wouldn’t take any of Ben’s shit for even a second.

Sayid: “You’ve never fired a gun before!” – Shannon: *fires gun*

episode 22 – Born To Run:

judging by the title of this it’s gonna be a Kate episode

ah yes…. The horrible blond wig. I mean…. How bad must a wig be to see it’s a wig from behind?!??!?!

episodes 23-25 – Exodus:

jhbdfajksfg it’s Ana Lucia, bless her, my lovely angry smol child

it was absolutely not necessary to show Sawyer with his shirt off but I ain’t complaining

anyways… when will I ever have enough time and money to go to Hawaii?

That Walt/Shannon/Vincent-moment breaks my heart big time.

The Black Rock being an old ass ship was one of the biggest plot twists the first time I watched.

The parts of Arzt flesh raining down on our guys was really more realism than needed

IT’S SMOKEY!!!! Yaaaasssss!

Has there ever been a better finale for the first season of a show ever?

[carmendelrossi]

⚜ del rossi, carmen: the introductory

↳ *alaska 5000 voice* hiiiiiiiii! my name’s josh for those who don’t know me and this is my queen ms. carmen del rossi~ she is an older muse i’ve had for a couple years now who is absolutely everything to me so i’m really excited to share her with you all! muse for her comes and goes like the seasons tbh, however whenever i’m not actively playing her i miss her consistently. i haven’t played her for a while now and really missed her so i decided to bring her back for my pleasure as well as yours bc lowkey her presence will improve your lives *hair flip* aNYWAY i’ve done enough rambling for one post, goddamm. underneath the cut you can find all the necessary details about carmen to help you better understand her. if you want to plot w/ her please don’t hesitate to message me bc i’d truly love nothing more! xo

001. STATS

+ name: carmen eleanor del rossi + age: 30 + birthplace: manhattan, new york + birthdate: march 27th, 1987 + zodiac sign: aries  + height: 5′1″  + eye color: green  + hair color: naturally brunette, dyed blonde (or whatever color wig she feels like throwing on that day tbh) + orientation: pansexual, tho she doesn’t concern herself with labels. it’s not about the gender as much as it is the person + current occupation: singer/songwriter, fashion designer

002. DETAILS

+ personality: gOd, where do i even begin with this bitch? carmen is A Lot™ --- she is the most dramatic, headache inducing diva you’ll ever meet in your entire life but her charm makes up for her faults greatly. she’s very concise, she knows exactly what she wants and exactly how to achieve it. while she may come off as shallow and vain to the naked eye, don’t be fooled by all the glitz and glamour, underneath is a highly intelligent, articulated woman who will travel to the end of the earth for anyone who has her trust and loyalty + positive traits: determined, courageous, exuberant, confident, reliable, generous + negative traits: dramatic, short-tempered, impulsive, emotional, passive + illnesses/disorders/phobias: definitely experiences forms of anxiety and depression + style: two words: HIGH-FASHION. chic, elegant, bold, futuristic, and at times outlandish are perfect adjectives to describe carmen’s fashion sense. basically mama is looking straight off a paris runway 24/7 + hobbies: writing music, playing piano, cooking, sketching fashion designs + likes: cashmere, long rose peddle baths, rooftop views of sunsets, high-fashion magazines, organization, anything covered in glitter, her beauty sleep, art in all forms + dislikes: cheap perfume, clutter, when people talk over her/interrupt her, knockoff handbags, the press/media, jacked up manicures lmao + nervous habits: pacing, twiddling thumbs, consuming large amounts of alcohol in a short amount of time, leg bouncing + addictions: is fashion considered an addiction? + cat person or dog person: dog ??? but also adores cats + glass half full or half empty: half empty + hogwarts house: she doesn’t know shit about harry potter but would def be a gryffindor

003. FAVORITES 

+ holiday: christmas + color: gold + food: a home cooked italian meal + drink: champagne (but vodka on the rocks when she’s looking to get wild) + music: queen, david bowie, madonna, iron maiden, metallica, fleetwood mac, tony bennett, judy garland, frank sinatra, britney spears, cher, michael jackson, morrissey + movie: psycho  + tv show: golden girls

[evenstevensranked]

#24: Season 3, Episode 10 - “Hutch Boy”

School bully Lloyd Offler targets Louis as his next victim. Meanwhile, Ren’s hair is accidentally dyed blonde!

First off, I just want to say that I'm dedicating this review to Brad Bufanda, the actor who played Lloyd. It was brought to my attention on Instagram that he just recently passed away on November 1st. He was 34. Very strange timing because this episode was next on my list already and I was working on the review as I found out. My heart kinda sank. I feel really weird segueing into my regular, light-hearted style now after the fact -- but I figure it's actually better to keep things light during darker times. So yeah. Let's do this!

This one opens with one of the most incredible things ever: a flying squirrel. Not an actual flying squirrel of course, but a mechanical one that Louis and Twitty rigged to scare Tom -- who happens to have an extremely specific and strange fear of flying squirrels. I wonder what instilled that fear? lol. How many squirrels have you seen flyin' around out there? 

This bit used to have me in stitches. Tom’s terrified scream is something you have to hear for yourself. 

Just then, some guy named Lloyd Offler approaches them and starts yelling at Louis for giving him "hard looks." Like, excuse me? I'll never understand how bullies pick their victims. Louis is the best, leave him alone. I know that Louis, Tawny, and Tom are supposed to be outcasts of sorts (leaving out Twitty because we’ve seen that he’s actually pretty popular)... But still. Louis is cool imo. Lloyd walks away, but not before letting Louis know that he’s on his radar now. Great. 

~Radar~

Cut to the subplot. Ren volunteers her hair to the “Future Beauticians” Club, and let me tell you... I had such an ah-ha moment when I was re-watching this episode. For whatever reason, I always thought the club was called the Future PETITIONS club. Ruby says the name so fast it’s hard to understand. I was always so confused, like... What the heck is that? What petitions? And what do they have to do with dyeing hair? And then it hit me. I kid you not, it was like the skies opened up! "Beauticians” obviously makes so much more sense, lol. 

To Ren’s horror, her hair turns out platinum blonde. Ruby has a flashback to the moment it all went wrong. We see that mid-gossip, she was distracted and poured soda into the dye mixture instead of whatever else she was supposed to use. I always felt personally responsible for this accident because she starts off the gossip with "So, I'm talkin' to Brittany..." Don't drag me into this, Ruby. 

At least it was “natural” soda. 

Ren is furious at first but soon notices that her hair is garnering attention. So she starts strutting down the hall to a "Walking on Sunshine" rip off. 

This is another situation like the "Staying Alive" rip off in Stevens Genes. From memory, I would've bet money that the actual "Walking on Sunshine" was used here!! But nope. I'm still fascinated by how the brain can be tricked like that. Girls are staring at Ren with jealousy now and guys are checking her out... including Louis -- who doesn’t recognize her at first. It’s highly disturbing. 

“hey, blondie... how u doin?” - Louis stop. Ignoring the fact that it’s Ren, it’s so weird to see Louis attempt to hit on someone. *shivers with disgust* I take back what I said about him being cool. 

At lunch, the gang is laughing about how Lloyd’s name is spelled with two L’s. “Maybe he pronounces it La-Loyd?” Tawny jokes. Louis dies of laughter and says “...And my name’s La-Louis” so sarcastically. IT GETS ME EVERY TIME. Shia is so full of joy here and the whole scene has such an organic feel to it. You get the sense that these are real friends at school having a laugh. It’s contagious and warms my heart. 

So pure.

Suddenly.......... this iMovie “suspense” sound effect plays twice as Lloyd appears hovering behind Louis asking “You having a good time, La-Louis?” Why are these double L jokes so funny to me?! Oh my god. Lloyd picks up Louis’ sandwich, licks it dramatically, and puts it back on his tray. Nice guy! Louis tries to reason with him, but Lloyd refuses and says “See you in shop class” ominously.

During shop class Louis is so afraid of what Lloyd might do, he’s quite literally shaking like a leaf. Twitty tries to reassure him by saying the teacher is nearby and won’t let anything happen to him. But then the teacher is all “I’m gonna step out of the room for a minute and I will take my time.” This is so good. Now that they’re alone, Lloyd snatches away Louis' “shelf” project and puts it in the hutch he's constructing. This is a great bit though because Louis decides to face Lloyd then and apologize (even though he did nothing wrong.) It’s really nice. Louis is so sincere and mature here. Lloyd seemingly accepts the apology... but then stuffs Louis into the hutch as well. (see cover photo)

Tom politely confronts Lloyd insisting he let Louis out of the hutch, before he says “I’m sorry it’s come to this...” and randomly goes completely black belt on Lloyd to everyone's shock. Then again, was it to everyone’s shock? Because their classmates emerged from their workstations, conveniently holding up wood for Tom to break lol. I love how the teacher walks back in while Tom is kickin’ around like he’s Jackie Chan, and has one of those “f this, I’m out” moments: 

This show’s humor was way ahead of its time. 

Louis is beyond shocked and it always cracks me up when Tom calmly helps Louis out of the hutch and whispers “Come on, buddy.” I don’t know what it is... but it’s just so freaking funny. There’s this hilarious ~zen~ music playing as well which is the icing on the cake. There’s a great line later that day when Louis starts evaluating the situation: “If Tom was the biggest wimp at school, and he saved MY butt? That means I’M THE BIGGEST WIMP AT SCHOOL.” ....true tho. Twitty mentions our good ol’ buddy Pete who everyone apparently prays to on this show when he says “Who would’ve known he was an honest to Pete, second degree black belt?!” lol. 

To wrap up Ren’s plot, because not too much else happens: She basically becomes an overtly stereotypical blonde overnight. Constantly saying “oh muh gosh!,” reading fashion magazines during class, and blowing off her commitments to roller skate in the house instead. 

Okay, is she curling her hair now? or did they honestly think we wouldn’t notice that Ren’s hair magically became curly after it was dyed blonde. Who picked this wig? 

She also went out and got a whole new wardrobe to go with her hair or something?! Because these clothes she’s wearing do not seem like stuff she already had in her closet. Ruby rounds up a bunch of blondes from LJH and holds a mini intervention for Ren -- telling her that she’s giving blondes a bad name. And that’s pretty much it! Ruby dyes her hair back to normal.

I love how Ruby left her “a little souvenir” of blonde! I’ve been dyeing one small section of my hair blonde for years now, so this always makes me happy lol. Look at how much body Ren’s “hair” has when she’s blonde and how flat it is when she’s back to normal lol.... seems legit. I also definitely owned that yellow and blue striped top that girl on the left is wearing.

Back to Louis’ drama. Tom is outside casually practicing his martial arts when Louis approaches him with some hot chocolate from Doris. Tom’s so ~in the zone~ that he almost roundhouse kicks Louis in the face. I needed to gif it:

Louis tells Tom that he wants to be just like him, he wants to learn how to fight. Tom agrees to teach Louis ~his ways~ and I swear this is one of my favorite bits EVERRRRRRR. There’s no way I’m typing all of this out. You have to feast your eyes on the greatness yourself:

“Louis... did I mention it takes 9 years to learn my ways?” - This show is absolute GOLD, I do not care what anyone says. 

Who knew Fred Meyers could actually do all of that, though?! So yeah, after telling Lloyd he’d fight him, even though he can’t fight -- Tom tells Louis his only option is to “find his inner strength and harness it.” And Louis, being the actual genius he is, takes that advice quite literally. I also love how Louis just says “meet me in the alley at 7″ .......which alley, bro? Ya also gotta love that “The Rock” reference. (”If you smell what Louis is cookin’!”) This show really did pick the BEST things to reference when it came to pop culture. It feels like Dwayne Johnson is everywhere these days!

The last big scene of the episode is the alley sequence, and I love it so much. Louis has Beans and Twitty secretly help him work a harness he rigged to fly around like some crazy martial arts master just to freak Lloyd out and avoid fighting altogether. It starts off pretty hilarious (Louis literally does the macarena as a “kung fu” move) but then it gets serious for a minute and it’s perfect. Of course, it all goes down in flames and Lloyd sees the wire. It feels so satisfying to reach the heart of a bully. It's great when you start to see Lloyd feel bad about how he’s treated Louis and I freaking love how Louis gives in, but at the same time -- stands up for himself. He tells Lloyd to beat him up, almost pressuring him to do so -- which obviously makes Lloyd NOT want to beat him up. It's great. 

“I’ve come to the realization that if I’m gonna get hit, I’m gonna get hit. You know what you’re gonna wanna do? Get some towels. ‘Cause I’m a bleeder.” - Yesss, Louis. 

This leads to one of my favorite little exchanges in the series. Lloyd immediately becomes a huge softie and wants to know how Louis pulled off the harness trick and they quickly start bonding over engineering. Lloyd is all "I didn't know you were into mechanical stuff!" And Louis says "Yeah, dude. I am. But you were too busy putting me in your hutch." - I'm sooo glad they actually had Louis say that engineering is something he's into! Because otherwise, his inventions come across as nothing but wacky things that only exist to support the gags he pulls with no further explanation. Idk. It's such a short moment, but it makes me so happy every time!!! Louis even gives Lloyd a quick rundown of the materials he used to rig the harness and idk man, it just makes me smile. I LOVE THIS CHARACTER SO MUCH. (I also just noticed that the flying squirrel gag was solid foreshadowing for this harness rig.)

I always get a little sad that Lloyd didn't become a bit of a recurring character for the rest of the season or something. This final scene between them has a ~beginning of a beautiful friendship~ sort of vibe. Lloyd invites Louis to check out his home workshop and ugh it’s so nice. We hardly ever see Louis with any friends outside of his core group, let alone someone else who shares his love of engineering, so maybe that’s why this scene always hits me.  

I really like this episode for some reason. Always have. Like, A LOT. I think it’s because of the big showdown in shop class. And Louis wanting to learn martial arts from Tom. And the flying squirrel. And Louis and Lloyd in the alley. It's all amazing. And Ren’s plot is pretty fun, too. This is just an awesome episode all around. 

Rest in Peace, Brad Bufanda. 

Thanks for reading! And please contribute to the conversation below if ya like. 

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