#she should’ve been on MYSPACE!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

old-childhood-drama · 3 years

Text

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

#Taylor Swift #fearless #fearless (taylor's version)#forever & always #mr perfectly fine #you all over me #last kiss #toe #jaylor #joe jonas #jonas brothers #folklore #invisible string #paranoid #much better #lines #vines and trying times #better than revenge

63 notes · View notes

bisluthq · 3 years

Note

i've seen gaylor insinuate some sexual tension between taylor and selena, they totally go overboard to say she likes all the women in the world. They started to go back in time and make Taylor date all her friends, create theories with all of them. I've seen trying to say that tayor's first boyfriend was a lie because she was dating a woman, she wasn't even famous at the time, why would she make that up? If she had had a relationship with a woman in her teens, someone would have had it years ago, and the only thing they say is that she was a crazy boy and dated lots of BOYS. It would have already leaked if she really had been involved with some teenager girl in high school. Regarding Dianna, I don't think they had anything, in fact, I think they never fought, but walked away because of these crazy fans and because of life, but I even believe they may have told to this day. But if, for example, they appeared together today, a lot of gaylor would already appear, pissing them off.

Idk that Swiftgron stopped hanging out because of gay rumors tbh like there weren’t enough Swiftgrons for them to be bothered by that and Taylor clearly doesn’t give two fucks if people think she’s gay (either because she’s not a homophobe or because she’s fruity). Like she doesn’t care. And Dianna “I’ve kissed girls” Agron doesn’t either. Also if that was a concern idk why she’d release Wonderland and feed the shippers so yk I think you’re super off base with that.

But yeah re high school Taylor we literally have the names of her first three boyfriends. We know Drew gave her her first fucking name necklace. We know Jordan left her for the girl who became his wife. We know SAM (x6) should’ve said no. We know she was very popular and liked making jokes on MySpace but it like pings straight or straight leaning because she wasn’t like… out in 2003 Nashville and nobody has said anything till now. It’s just very unlikely to downright impossible.

It’s plausible and even likely that Tay’s kissed some girls by now. But she’s no fucking lesbian icon idk.

#nat talks the konspiracy

1 note · View note

sp00kygrrrrl · 4 years

Text

My Dahvie Vanity Story

So, everyone’s been sharing their stories so I thought I’d share mine here. How I met him: I met Dahvie Vanity at The Medic Droid concert when I was fourteen/fifteen years old.

I attended the concert on my birthday. I didn’t know who BOTDF was, but I was a huge fan of The Medic Droid. The concert was at The Social mid 2008. (My birthday is 12/14). I went with my then boyfriend and my parents did not attend. The concert was great, pretty much until The Medic Droid came on. The lead singer was so coke’d up and drunk, he couldn’t perform. It was so embarrassing, pretty much everyone left the concert early. Dahvie jumped on stage and attempted to sing their songs and cover for him, but it was awkward and pretty terrible. However, I really liked The Medic Droid ( and I stayed to see them after the show (plus I needed to wait on my parents to come pick me up). (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcJJtbv4HIU) So, I sat with my then boyfriend and waited for someone to get us. It was a few minutes after the show when the lead singer of The Medic Droid came out, but I didn’t notice him. He walked up behind me, tapped on my shoulder, and (and I’m assuming thought I was older than I was) hit on me. He was very intoxicated and could barely stand. He was using me and the table I was at to hold himself up. My then boyfriend became angry and told him to leave and so he did. He attempted to walk past us at the bar and my then boyfriend tripped him. And this is how Dahvie and I met. I was horrified that my boyfriend had possibly just assaulted the lead singer of the band I loved (and we could also possibly get in trouble with the law) and I immediately went to help him up. And so did Dahvie. I recognized him from his (shitty) performance as one of the opening bands and I helped Chris (the lead singer) to his feet and let Dahvie handle the rest. He complimented me on my shirt (A Beauty Killer shirt of Jeffree Star’s from Hot Topic) and asked my name and I said thanks and told him. He apologized on behalf of Chris who was pretty much comatose at this point and told me to check out his band. I just said yeah okay and then I left. The next day, I received a friend request from Dahvie, which really freaked me out. I never told him my last name and I also didnt have my last name listed on myspace. Which means, he went through the “who’s going” event page for the concert, looked through every single person, until he added me. (And now, I’m assuming any other underage girls that he had an interest in.) This began a 10 year long relationship.

Incidents.

Meeting him:

Shortly after he asked for my number and I gave it to him. He texted me, nothing weird, at first. He asked me to send photos but I declined. Then he asked to meet me at the Fashion Square Mall and I said yes, but only if I could bring a friend. My friend came with me and I met up there. He was all over me, but hadn’t touched me inappropriately yet. After our first meeting, he asked me via text message if I would be his girlfriend, and I said yes. He put me as his #1 on Myspace, which looking back, should’ve been a give away to how he was to others. He also commented on my wall with hearts and generally “lovey/boyfriend” type things. Nobody said a word.

Coming to my house in the middle of the night:

So, now that we’re dating, he wanted to see me. But, he didn’t want to meet my parents. I insisted he really should, but of course, he was scared. Instead, he asked me to sneak out onto my back patio and he’d meet me there so we could talk and see each other again. I did as he requested behind my parents backs. We made out and he touched me a little, but he did not assault me.

Break up: We “dated” for a week, in which, he was extremely clingy and demanding. He messaged me or texted me most of the day and would call to talk for hours. Eventually, I’d had enough as I had recently broken up with my boyfriend for the same behavior. I broke up with him after he blew up my phone while I was at universal. He became upset and angry and if I’m remembering right, he might’ve become hostile, but I’m not sure. However, we ended our relationship and he asked to remain friends. Which, we did. Fighting my sixteen year old boyfriend at the mall:

Shortly after this, I got a new boyfriend. I went on a date with him and during this date I received a message from Dahvie saying he was very upset. His friend had passed away and he’d just attended the funeral. I felt terrible and I asked him if he wanted to go on a double date with my boyfriend and my friend. He said yes.

He showed up to the mall, all in black, so perhaps his friends death was true. He zeroed in on my boyfriend and his first words to me were “who the fuck is this?” I explained a double date is when two couples go to the movies together, but he was irate. He then attempted to fight my (very tall and very muscular) sixteen year old boyfriend, but my boyfriend managed to calm him down. He left and began texting my friend.

Possibly drugging me at a Brokencyde concert:

I was messaged by Dahvie to come to his concert at The Social where he was the opener for Brokencyde. I asked him if my boyfriend could come, he said yes, and in fact, he’d give us VIP access. My boyfriend was a fan of Brokencyde, so I accepted. We showed up and immediately Dahvie is ushering us to VIP and buying us drinks (We are 15/16 and 17 at this point). My boyfriend is handed one type of shot and then I’m handed another. I take my shot. My boyfriend is acting weird and he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. I feel weird as well, and Dahvie moves me so that I’m sitting on his lap, but I’m finding it hard to resist. He tells me I should leave my boyfriend. I get up and go to the bathroom to vomit. I come back and almost vomit on the social floor. I ask my boyfriend to leave and he becomes angry and tells me to leave by myself. I go outside to call my mom and throw up again. Dahvie has followed me out to the curb and is consoling me. He tells me that he can take me to the hospital if my mom never picks up. My mom does pick up and my mad boyfriend and I leave. I end up in the hospital and Dahvie calls me to make sure I’m fine. I don’t tell the hospital I drank and they assume I’m having stomach problems from food. No drug test was done. Therefore, I do not know for sure if this was caused by the drinks.

Jail? Phone Call: Dahvie calls me frantically crying. He says he’s been accused of statutory rape, but the girl is just an obsessed fan. He says he’s at the police station and she’s refusing to do a rape kit test. I try to console him before he hangs up. I don’t know if this was after the fact or during. Garrett leaves BOTDF and sends me a message to not hang around Dahvie anymore. I tell him I appreciate the message, but I don’t stop talking to Dahvie. Going to Dahvie’s apartment behind Altamonte Mall:

My boyfriend breaks up with me and I’m a literal mess. I’ve quit going to school and have a hard time eating or not crying. Dahvie invites me over to his house to cheer me up. I ask two friends to come with me. One of them is the friend he’s been texting from the movie theater before. We go to his house. Jayy and Sally are there, and surprisingly, two other underaged girls. *I’ve met both Jayy and Sally before at a concert. I met Jayy when Garrett was still in BOTDF. Jayy used to do hulu hooping for his concerts. Sally was Jayy’s friend. I was under the impression Sally was dating Dahvie, so I ask him why the other girls? He responds they're pretending, and that these other girls, mean nothing. He again pulls me onto his lap and wants to take me to his room to show me his new music. I agree, though something in me tells me to be weary of him. He sits me again on his lap so that he can show me his new music on his Mac. The song he’s working on is the collab he did with Jeffree Star. He asks my opinion and then begins to kiss me. It becomes more desperate and he roughly pushes me back onto his bed. I’m pinned there as he again starts to kiss me and touch my breasts. I feel uncomfortable so I yell stop. Dahvie does stop and apologizes. He asks to take me out on a date. Stupidly, I say yes. The Date:

I’m sixteen. I tell Dahvie that if he wants to go on a date he needs to pick me up and meet my parents. My parents know about him and they believe he is 22. My parents don’t care about his age. He shows up in his Camry with flowers for me and meets my parents. I get in the car with him and he tells me that “my dad is big and looks like he could kick his ass” and I say “yeah, and he will.” Dahvie asks to pick up my friend from the theater. I said sure why not? So, he goes to her house, and picks up her and her friend. We drive around for awhile and he parks his car near a popular spot for sailing, close to tinker field. He asks if someone will “give him head” of which does happen. He drops my friends off, but still wants to take me to a movie. I agree and we see a movie. He drops me back off at home. Underage drinking: My friends from the car invite me over to their house. They wish to drink and ask me to ask Dahvie to bring alcohol. I say sure and text him. He shows up and brings Vodka with no chaser. We end up drinking Vodka and Gatorade, which, I would not recommend. We do shots. My friend is giving us stick and poke tattoo’s and Dahvie says I should tattoo BOTDF on my ass. I say, hard pass. He gets us drunk and then (in bathing suits) we get in the large bathtub at her house together. Things get weird (they're making out) so I leave and go back to the bedroom alone. Dahvie leaves shortly after. The fall out:

After the date, I stop hanging out with Dahvie. I start attending classes at Valencia (I’m still 16, but I never went back to high school after my breakup. I did dual enrollment homeschool) and begin hanging out with people around my age (16-18). My eighteenth birthday:

Right before I turn eighteen, Dahvie reconnects with me. He asks me if I’d come to LA and try to date him again. I unintentionally lead him on for a few weeks, but ultimately, I tell him I can’t date him again. We lose touch. 2016: In 2016, I attend a Brokencyde/BOTDF concert. I see Dahvie for the first time in years. He looks the same, but I can tell he seems tired. He talks to me for awhile before his set and buys me a shot. As I go to leave the concert, he yells at me he loves me, and I walk away to my car. He messages me, but I don’t think I answered beyond “it was good to see you too.” 2018/2019: Dahvie tells me he’s met someone special who will be joining the band. He tells me he’s found his “puzzle piece.” (He used to say if he found the girl of his dreams he’d get a puzzle piece tattoo’d on him and the girl would get one to fit it.) He proposes to Fallon and I congratulate him. Dahvie begins to get hate mail on instagram and twitter. I talk to him about it and he tells me that he’s grateful that I’m so “kind.” 2020: Dahvie has moved back to Orlando. He messages me on instagram asking if I’d like to catch up. I say that I’d be interested and he asks me out to Hardrock Cafe. I never try to make solid plans with him, but we message back and forth every so often. We’re not close, but there is correspondence. Chris Hansen case:

The Chris Hansen case comes out where survivors tell their stories on Dahvie. I am horrified, but not shocked. A friend of mine comes forward and tells me that Dahvie assaulted her. I message Dahvie and express that I can no longer associate with him because of my friends claims of which I 10000000% believe are the truth. Dahvie says nothing in his defense and blocks me. This is probably 1/4 of what I can remember. I’m very thankful I was never assaulted and my heart goes out to those he’s hurt.

PROOF:

#dahvie vanity #dahvie #blood on the dancefloor #botdf #dahvie vanity case #chris hansen

47 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1085

survey by -egocentricity-

On Myspace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? I haven’t been on Myspace for well over a decade; and even when I was there I didn’t have any friends added nor did I remember ever posting anything. Friendster and Multiply were a lot more popular.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? I took a selfie last Saturday in the dining room. It’s of me holding up the vape pen that Andi lent me for the meantime to show Angela, since she wanted to see what it looked like.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? I remember being lightly chided once when I was like, 7 – I was leaning on a glass wall of a store in the mall, so the guard from that store nicely told me to get back up to be safe. Overall, I don’t think I’ve ever exhibited behavior in public that should’ve gotten me into trouble.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? Definitely not so much these days. I need to keep being preoccupied with work or other things to do/accomplish since my daydreaming always seems to end with thinking of scenarios that now upset me, like, idk, happier times with my ex. I’m tired of letting that happen and always being upset in the end, so I try to avoid getting lost in my thoughts anymore.

What's your favorite thing to think about as you're falling asleep? Idk about you but thinking in general keeps my mind up and racing lol, so when I’m trying to sleep I do my best to black out my mind so that I can doze off.

Is there anything that you want to do, but won't because you're too afraid? So I went to college with this girl - I believe she’s several batches older - who, as soon as she graduated, set out on a hitchhiking journey across the world. She’s been doing it for four years, and I believe she has finally made it to Europe after being stuck in Kazakhstan for a year due to Covid. She’s amazing and her spirit is so fucking beautiful. She has a Facebook page that I actively follow detailing her experiences; but as great as her journey has been, I don’t know and I highly doubt that I can set out for such a demanding, commitment-heavy challenge myself.

Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom is the only person who does that, but she hasn’t done so in a while.

Who gets up the earliest in your household? The latest? My dad, since his work starts the earliest. I will sometimes hear the car engine purring by 5:45 AM. The latest would be my sister, since she stays up the latest as well. I think she’s up by 8 AM, but she doesn’t show up outside of her bedroom until 10 or 11.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No, and I am glad that’s the case because both of my dogs are too big and I fear that they could actually snap my laptop in half.

What political issues do you think deserve less attention/worry? No political issue deserves any less attention than others. Political issues always mean that someone is on the losing end and I don’t think it’s fair to compare and decide which ones can be put on the backseat.

Anyway, I do believe it’s not so much the issues that should be compared, but the people in politics who are given the spotlight. Here in the Philippines especially, a lot of celebrities want to have their own political careers (and usually win a seat) despite their zero experience and the media gobbles that shit up all the time, which is disgusting. Related to this, I hope the media makes a consicous effort to wipe Trump out of the headlines once he’s out of office.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? I dunno if I can measure that since I’m pretty vocal about a lot of things. What I can tell you is that in the political issues I have a say in, I always side with the marginalized and the oppressed. IPs, POC, LGBTQ+, immigrants, factory workers, jeepney drivers, contractualized employees, activists, student-activists...my heart has always been with them and their cause.

You're going to your favorite foreign country; what landmarks do you go see? I’m not sure if I have a favorite country, but I’m very picky about landmarks in general anyway. I’d rather experience the local life and eat at smaller local places and go to lesser-known beaches and stuff.

What is the longest amount of time that you have spent away from your home? A little longer than a week, and this was usually when I traveled abroad.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional effect on you? Yeah, so much so that I was unable to finish it and I had to show up at dinner while still fresh from crying.

What motivates you to go to school? Not applicable to me anymore, but I suppose this can be easily rephrased to mean work. Honestly, my main motivation is the desire to have a perfect record at work lol. I’m super neurotic about this and I hate the idea of being absent or late. Money comes second; I rarely buy stuff for myself so I mostly don’t even realize the money coming in to my account every two weeks. Then third is the desire to be good at my job because I do want to get promoted and rack up more positions as I go along.

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? The most cups of coffee I’ve had in one day is 3, and that was not an enjoyable experience ha. Right now, I’m on my first cup of coffee.

Are you more hyper and up-tight, or laid back and relaxed? I guess it depends on the situation. I can definitely exhibit either, but my behavior will vary based on the people I’m with and/or how comfortable I am in a certain situation.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? Around a week ago. My parents were having dinner separately and I heard my name being mentioned in a few sentences.

How did you pick out your last outfit? I wanted an outfit that was chill and easy to carry around, but would still make me look like I put some effort into picking it out.

When buying shoes, what do you look for in the product? I admittedly like brand names, so that’s the first thing I look at. I also like to keep up with what’s trending, so I look at items in a brand’s catalog that I see more and more people wearing. If it matches with my own personal style, then I keep an eye on it/purchase it altogether.

What happened to cause the last mess you made? The last and current mess I have on me is my work desk, which I’ve since abandoned in favor of my bed + portable desk as my new workspace. Idk, over the Christmas break I just ended up stacking up so much shit on the desk until it became a little too cluttered. I’ve cleaned it up here and there to make the space look neater, but there’s still a lot of stuff.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? Not embarrassed; I just find it unnecessary. My bedroom is too small to host guests and the only times I’ve let someone in there is when I had a significant other. I prefer people to stay in the living room.

When was the last children's birthday party you attended? It was my third cousin Isabella’s 7th birthday party at a Jollibee. Her family has been living in Australia for a while, but I guess they wanted to host a party with their Filipino family so they flew back here to stay for a few days. Because she is my third cousin and because she’s been living in Australia all her life, I don’t actually have any sort of relationship with her lmao but I still made an effort to greet her and stuff.

Are you good at reading other people's body language? Yes, to the point that it contributes to my overall anxiety.

If you're sick, do you go to school or do you stay home [usually]? I rarely get a fever so when I do it feels like actual death. For that reason, I usually have to skip the day and focus on feeling better.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? I never had it whenever I’ve felt like crap in the past. I don’t really like soup though, so on a personal level I doubt it would have any effect on me.

What is one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? I don’t have a go-to meal because again, I rarely get sick.

Think of the last survey you filled out; did you enjoy it? Sure, it was easy to digest and it’s the kind that you can take over and over again.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? I’ve fed bread, but to fish in the sea; not ducks or geese since idk if we have either here other than in zoos. In our trip to Mactan in 2010, I remember how we were allowed to pay a certain small amount to get bread from the resort and proceed to feed the fish swimming around in the beach.

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a 1-2 year old? Yeah, I definitely feel that way sometimes.

What set the tone for your mood today? Eh, I wouldn’t say I had an overall mood today, honestly. It was a normal day at work, maybe a little more uneventful than other days; and I was on top of my tasks so there wasn’t anything to dread or worry about. I was just concentrated on getting the day over with and wasn’t strongly attached to any emotion.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else's day? I don’t think so.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? It happens sometimes.

The name of the last video game you played? Mario Kart 8 probably? It’s been a while but it’s all I play if I do play a video game, so it’s a safe guess.

The name of the last board game that you played? We whipped out my old box of Trivial Pursuit last November when we didn’t have electricity and internet because of the typhoon.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? I don’t remember the last time I talked to myself, but like two minutes ago I was starting to feel sad so I silently reminded myself to think of positive things.

How many times a day do you wash your face? At least once, in the morning before I start work. I’ve learned that cleaning myself up, even if it’s just splashing water on my face, super helps if I want to start working in a good mood.

Do you remember your D.A.R.E. officer's name? I didn’t have one of those, anddd I’m sure we didn’t have that program here.

Someone throws hot coffee on you; how do you react? It’s taken me a whole goddamn week to finish this survey, lels. Anywho... I think out of instinct I would scream out in extreme agony first? And I’d probably spend the first immediate seconds to try and process what just happened. I don’t know if I would fight back because I’m pretty sure the burns would be hurting too badly for me to focus on revenge.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I attended one school from kindergarten to college, and I can’t imagine having attended anywhere else. I had one dream university and I ended up attending it.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Yes, both. My parents lived in an apartment for a few months when I was a newborn. From ages 2-10 I lived in my childhood home, which is actually a duplex. The other house belongs to my grandpa’s late sister and her family.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Sure, but I care so little about my weight that they don’t really have an effect on me. The most common one I get is to “eat more.”

Where do you stand when it comes to sexual intercourse? Erm not really lmao. Just do it?? Idk. And just make sure consent is mutual and that you aren’t doing it out of pressure.

Name a show from the 90's that you miss? I guess ‘miss’ is the wrong word since I never watched it while it was ongoing, but I do love Friends. I’m excited to see what they have planned for the reunion episode.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Bad co-workers, but luckily I haven’t had to pull that side of me in a while.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? Never.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or "different" people? Being a kid, I probably did but never thought anything of it during those times. My mom certainly would’ve whooped my ass if I tried to comment anything mean or be a smartass.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? The one thing that would piss my mom off are my vape pens. I still have Gab-related stuff in my room that I’m too lazy to throw out, but I doubt I will get into trouble from those anymore because there has been no relationship to speak of in the last four months.

Do weather patterns sometimes have an effect on your health? Not on my health, but on my mood.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t, so idk what this would feel like.

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? Not entirely sure; this hasn’t happened in a while. Admittedly, as a people pleaser, I thrive on doing what people would want me to do lol.

How good are you at getting along with other people? On a scale of 1 to 10, probably a 9? I’m super nice to everyone and in the end it only really boils down to whether I have chemistry with them or not. If I fail to feel comfortable around someone I’m more likely to stay formal, but I do try to be lively and crack jokes with everyone as much as I can.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I want to be and I always try to come off as such, but my resting bitchface hurts that chance sometimes haha.

Do you know anyone that's a little emotionally unstable? Uhm, no one comes to mind.

Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes.

Has anyone ever suggested that you might need "help"? I don’t recall being told this by anyone before. But with the way I broadcast my anxiety and sadness from time to time, I’m sure people have thought of it.

Do you take offense to things easily? Yeah you can say that. I’ve always been more sensitive than most.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? As with any pick-up line, I inwardly roll my eyes and move on.

Do you like to give people a taste of their own medicine? It’s such a waste of time and energy for the most part, so no. But if I feel petty, I have no problem doing it.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? It was...fine. Nothing to write home about. It was unlimited Korean barbecue and they actually had a system in place where they gave us a link to some internal website they kept, and we could simply order from there to minimize contact with the servers. I will say that I never got the kimchi jjigae I had ordered, but it was fine because I was full by then lmao.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I mean, I guess I’m reminded of my loneliness when I see couples in public, but I don’t get jealous or angry. I just shake it off and try to focus on myself.

Describe a thought that is sticking with you today? That I can’t wait for Friday.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? I’ve been thinking more of my anxieties than certain people, tbh.

In a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? Air conditioning. Though sometimes it’s nice to have the windows down, especially when I’m driving within my village or up a mountain.

When was the last time you did anything to your playlist? I made an angst-themed playlist over the weekend.

Is there a new song or band you've discovered? Massive Attack. Hayley Williams did a super great cover of their song Teardrop, so I checked out the original version which I also ended up enjoying. Olivia Rodrigo too, who I found out is part Filipino yay!

Which teacher gives you the most homework? My Journalism Ethics professor will probably rank the highest on this list.

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Idk, condescending ones maybe? There are a million kinds of personalities lol, but yeah I hate those who make you feel dumb, and feel good about doing so.

How did you hear about Bzoink? If my memory serves me correctly, my 10 year old self just wanted empty about me surveys to answer. Bzoink was always one of the first websites to come out if I searched for surveys on Google.

How long did it take you to sign up for an account - if you have one? I don’t think I ever made an account on there since I was too shy to share my answers.

Are you punctual? Yes, very.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? No.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Like if I’ve seen photos of myself??? I would be very surprised if anyone can say they haven’t.

Do you give any consideration to what's said in your horoscope? No.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? This has never happened before, thankfully.

#survey #surveys

3 notes · View notes

apparentlynotreallyfinnish · 4 years

Text

Strawberry Wine

This was prompted by my lovely, mythical friend Ross ( @mythical-ross ).

—

Rhett shifted in his seat as the interviewer and his small crew were setting up around them. Rhett’s back was aching from sitting too long on the uncomfortable couch, and the hunger that has been gnawing at his insides for a while now had just audibly announced itself to the room. Jenna seemed to notice Rhett’s discomfort because she got up and walked to him. She leaned down to brush off invisible lint from his shoulder and whispered, “This is the last one.”

Rhett gave her a small grateful smile and trained his attention to the interviewer. He was a young guy, probably in his early twenties. Rhett had already forgotten where the guy had said he was from but by his appearance, Rhett could guess it was some kind of a website – something young and hip and trendy. Exactly the type of site they wanted writing about Bleak Creek.

“Okay, you guys ready to start?” the interviewer asked. Rhett glanced at Link, whose smile was wide but tight around the edges – he was tired too.

“Let’s go,” Rhett said jovially as Link nodded in agreement.

The interviewer launched into his intro with way too much energy for Rhett’s liking. The questions were all boilerplate – stuff they’d already answered dozens if not hundreds of times during the press tour of Bleak Creek. In a way Rhett is thankful. The answers flowed out of him without much effort, and the carefully rehearsed give and take with Link shone brightly despite their weariness.

“Okay. Great! One more thing I wanted to talk to you about. Actually, it’s something I wanted to show you. Our researchers found an interesting video. Here, let me…” the guy said, setting up a laptop in front of them. He looked almost giddy, and Rhett frowned wondering which of their videos could garner that strong of a reaction.

A blurry image of a guy with a guitar filled the screen. Rhett stared at it for a beat, confused. It was clearly him, but it wasn’t any of their usual sets. He looked so young with his cropped hair and barely bearded face.

“What’s this?” Link asked, curiously leaning towards the laptop.

“Our researchers found a deleted Myspace page saved up on one of those vault sites. It appears to be Rhett’s, yes?” he asked looking at Rhett expectantly. Rhett nodded slowly as the image started to move. Young Rhett was strumming the guitar. There was a chill creeping inside Rhett now, making him weak and a bit nauseous. This couldn’t be…

“Really?” Link asked with a crooked smile, glancing at Rhett. “I didn’t know you had a Myspace page.”

Young Rhett was singing but no sound came from the laptop. The interviewer cursed and his hand shot to turn up the volume.

No! Oh, no. No, no, no.

Rhett was trying to make his limbs move. He waited for his fight or flight response to kick in, but he was stuck inside his immobile body, staring at the screen. He needed to shut this down before –

“…of his eyes. Lips red and moon kissed…” young Rhett sang from the laptop speakers. His voice was shaky but deep and full of emotion. Present Rhett was still frozen in place. His heart was thrumming in his ears and he wondered if you could faint from panic.

“…made me so weak, but it was the blue that got me, and threw me into the deep. And I wished he was mine, that night we –“

The video stopped. Rhett felt numb as he stared at Link’s long, slender fingers on the space bar.

“Oh, this one!” Link said as if he knew what he was talking about. “God, Rhett, you really didn’t know how to use your voice back then,” Link said with an affable laughter, playfully nudging Rhett’s side. Even as confused and panicked as Rhett felt, he realized that Link was trying to save him. He forced out a laugh that sounded more like a hoarse cackle.

The interviewer was watching them like a hawk and Rhett saw his hand move towards the laptop. Finally, Rhett’s self-preservation instincts kicked in, and he slammed the laptop closed. The interviewer almost got his hand caught inside it and jerked back. Rhett smiled at him, trying to look playful, but feared that his expression was probably more on the manic side. He coughed and let out a measured chuckle.

“Well, that was a blast from the past. Yeah, a friend of ours wanted to surprise her boyfriend with a song. But she wasn’t much of a composer, so Link and I helped her with that. She wrote the lyrics.”

“Oh,” the interviewer said, his face falling. “So, this was not about–?”

“You know what?” Link interrupted him. “I think Sarah is still with the guy.”

“Really? That’s nice. Good for her. They were a lovely couple,” Rhett mused.

“Okay. Well, I guess, that’s all…” the interviewer barely got out before Rhett was already getting up and with a hasty goodbye rushed to the door. Link followed close behind him as they left the conference room the hotel had provided for them. Jenna could barely keep up with them as they strode to the elevators.

Rhett was stealing glances at Link all the way up to their floor, wondering if he’d heard enough to know. If he’d made the connection. If he finally knew. But Link was closed off, no emotion showing on his face. A slight twitch at the corner of his lips was the only thing Rhett could see, but it told him nothing.

When the elevator doors opened, Link walked past Rhett, colliding with Rhett’s side with surprising force. Rhett was pushed aside by him and had to rub his arm that had gotten a sharp jab from Link’s elbow. There was no apology and the panic Rhett had felt when the video started playing gripped him again.

“Do you want me to order you guys some dinner?” Jenna asked as she followed Link out of the elevator. She’d been looking at her phone and missed Link’s strangely violent departure.

“Ummm. I think we’ll just order some room service and head to bed. Long day,” Rhett mumbled, distracted by his pounding heart and Link’s receding back.

“Okay. See you tomorrow,” Jenna chirped and turned the other way to head to her room.

Link was already inside their room when Rhett reached the open door. He followed in gingerly. Link was standing at the far end of the room, trying to get his jean jacket off with angry tugs. His whole body was strung tight – muscles tense and posture abnormally straight. He was about to go off. Rhett could see it clear as day.

Link knew.

Rhett’s knees almost bucked and with shaky legs, he sat on the edge of his bad. There was no other explanation. Link had realized who the song was about. Rhett pushed his hands against his thighs, trying to rid the sticky sweat that was gathering on his palms.

“Link, I – I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. I…” he started. Link whipped around. His mouth was a tight line and his eyes blazed with anger.

“I can’t – I just can’t believe it! How long have you…? All these years… And to find out like that!“ Link’s voice was rising and there was a shrill edge to it.

“I should’ve told you. I know that. But you gotta understand… The way we were raised – You know how it was back then. And you… You were so – I thought if I told you…”

“You’re my best friend! You have been that for the past thirty-five years! You honestly thought you couldn’t confide in me?! I – Fuck, Rhett. I don’t even know… Who are you?” Link whispered, voice cracking. Rhett got up and stepped towards him.

Link threw his jacket on the floor with a thud, covered his mouth with his hand and rushed past Rhett, pushing him out of the way.

“I’m sorry! I am. But I thought – Link, please wait. Let me explain!” Rhett called after him. Link stopped with his hand on the doorknob. His posture was hunched and his whole body trembled as a sob ripped its way out of him.

“Who was it?” His voice was barely a whisper, and Rhett was sure he’d heard him wrong.

“What?”

“Who was it?” Link repeated, louder, turning around and staring at Rhett with a pained expression. “Who was the guy with the moon kissed lips? Did you – ?” Link’s voice cracked and his eyes slipped closed. “Did you just kiss him or was there more?”

Rhett stared at Link, mouth hanging open. Link thought…

“No. Wait, Link, no! I wasn’t – there wasn’t…”

“Just tell me. Was it someone I know? I need to know.”

“Please sit down.”

Link still stood at the door, eyes closed, trembling. “Tell me,” he repeated.

“I will,” Rhett promised. “Just sit down”

Link moved slowly, dragging his feet, avoiding Rhett’s gaze and sat on his bed. Rhett took a deep breath and grabbed his guitar.

“What are you –?” Link tried to ask but Rhett silenced him with a hand gesture.

“Just listen.” He strummed the guitar, trying to remember the chords. The lyrics were etched into his mind. He would have no trouble remembering those. That stupid song. Why had he ever uploaded it into the internet was still beyond him. Link shifted on the bed, opening his mouth, about to say something but when Rhett began to sing he fell silent and listened.

“It was like ice burning

In the dead of the night

It was the blue that made me fall

The blue of his eyes

Lips red and moon kissed

Made me so weak

But it was the blue that got me

And threw me into the deep

And I wished – oh how I wished

He was mine

That night we drank

Our strawberry wine

You said it had a bite

That it burned oh, so bright

I laughed and agreed

But, baby, I lied

Because no amount of wine

Could match the burn

Of my wish, oh how I yearn

That one day

You could be mine

After that night

All I wished from my life

Was that one day

You would be mine

The blue of his eyes still burns

Oh so bright.

Years have gone by

And I’m still by his side

Even though he’s not mine

The torch that I carry

Still has a flame as bright

As it was that night

And baby,

I still wish you were mine

Just like that night

When we drank

The bottle of sweet

Strawberry wine”

Rhett settled his palm over the strings of the guitar to silence it and slowly lifted his gaze to Link.

“Oh,” Link whispered, lips parted and eyes round.

“Yeah.”

Link got up and walked to the huge picture window showcasing a view of the city lights. Rhett put away the guitar and sat back down on his bed. He tried to find words. Something to say, to explain. But what else was there to say? Nothing. Now Link knew, and Rhett just had to deal with whatever the consequences would be.

The silence stretched and Rhett got lost in his memories. When Link finally spoke, it jarred Rhett into the present, making him jump and kick-starting his heart into an anxious flutter.

“The wine was horrible,” Link said. Rhett chuckled.

“It was.”

“I almost kissed you that night.”

Rhett’s heart missed a beat.

“What?” He’d gotten up without realizing it. Link’s back was still turned. Rhett walked up to him and with trembling hand pulled on his arm to make him turn.

“Please, say that again,” Rhett whispered. Link still refused to look at him, his gaze firmly trained on the burgundy carpet of the hotel room.

“I’d wanted to, for years. And I almost did. But…” He finally lifted his gaze and looked Rhett in the eyes.

“But?” Rhett coaxed him on.

“I was a coward. I was afraid of rejection… Of losing you. I –” Link’s voice broke and he turned his face away again. Rhett gently grabbed his chin and lifted it up. Link’s eyes were glistening with a film of tears and he gave Rhett a small, apologetic smile. One lone tear spilled over and rolled down his cheek. Rhett brushed it away and with a trembling voice said:

“We were both cowards.”

Rhett cupped Link’s cheek and his thumb slowly brushed along Link’s lower lip. Link’s lips parted and he let out a stuttering gasp. Rhett wondered if the beating of Link’s heart was as wild as his was. They stood close, bodies almost touching. Link closed his eyes for a beat and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, their icy flare almost burned a hole into Rhett’s stomach.

“I’m not a coward anymore,” Link whispered before grabbing Rhett’s collar and rising on his tiptoes.

And as their lips met for the first time, Rhett could have sworn that there was a faint taste of strawberry wine.

#rhink #rhink ficlet #Appa writes fic #prompted ficlet #angst and fluff #and one badly written song #(be kind. I've haven't written lyrics before)#Ross! I hope you like it

148 notes · View notes

winchesterbrotherstan · 4 years

Text

SPN- Crossroad Blues (2.08)

Pairing: Olive Winchester (OC)

Summary: The siblings find a case that isn’t what it seems, Dean pulls a dangerous stunt, and Olive comes clean about a few big secrets

Warnings: mentions of blood, demons, bad dogs, uhhh, cursing

Word Count: 5054

I huffed as Sam pulled the computer screen out of the line of sight of people around us. I looked at the picture, then at Dean with another huff. Jinx whined at our feet.

“So much for our low profile.” Sam grumbled. “You’ve got a warrant in St. Louis, and now you’re officially in the fed’s database. And Ol, you’ve got a warrant in Maryland.”

I shrugged as I looked at our mugshots.

“Dude, I’m like Dillinger or something.”

“Dean, it’s not funny. Makes our lives harder, we’ve gotta be more careful now.”

“Well Sams, what do they have on you?”

“I’m sure they just haven’t posted it yet.” He mumbled.

I looked at Dean, who grinned. “No accessory? Nothing?”

“Shut up.” Sam scowled.

Dean laughed. “You’re jealous.”

“No, I’m not!” Sam spat.

I giggled. “You should’ve come with me, you’d have a warrant too.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shut the laptop. I leaned forward with a smile. “Alright, what do we have so far?”

“Yeah, you innocent, harmless, young man. What d’ya got?”

Sam pulled out a folder. “Architect Sean Boyden plummeted to his death from the roof of his home, a condo he designed.”

“Hmm.” Dean hummed. “Build a high-rise and jump off the top of it. That’s classy. When did he call animal control?”

“Two days before he died.”

“Did he actually say black dog?”

“Yeah. A, and I quote, vicious, wild, black dog. Authorities couldn’t find it, no one else saw it. In fact, the authorities are kinda confused as to how a wild dog could get past the doorman, take the elevator up, and start roaming the halls of the cushiest joint in town.” Sam sighed. “And after that, no more calls, doesn’t show up for work. Then he takes the swan dive.”

I looked back at Dean and picked a fry off his plate. “Think we’re dealing with an actual black dog?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Sams, what’s the lore on it?”

Sam handed me a few pages from the folder with a shrug. “It’s all pretty vague. I mean, there are spectral black dogs all over the world, but… some say they’re animal spirits, others say death omens. Either way, they’re big and nasty.”

Dean plucked a sketch from the pile and held it up with a smirk. “Yeah, I bet they could hump the fuck outta your leg, huh?”

Sam glared and I snorted. Dean’s smile turned into a frown.

“What? They could!”

***

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Sam and Dean insisted that I wear heels to look older, and I could already feel blisters forming.

“So, you and Sean Boyden were business partners for almost ten years, right?”

“That’s right.” The man nodded at us. “Now one more time, this is for…”

“A tribute to Mr. Boyden. Architectural Digest.”

The man snorted, and Dean’s eyes narrowed.

“This funny to you?”

“No, it’s…” He sighed. “It’s just, a tribute. Yeah. See, Sean always got the tributes. He kills himself, leaves me and his family behind. Well, he gets another tribute.”

“Right.” Sam nodded. “Any idea why he’d do such a thing?”

He shrugged. “I have no clue. I mean, he lived a charmed life.”

“How so?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“He was a flat-out genius. I mean, I’m capable, but next to him, I… and it wasn’t always that way, either.”

“No?”

“You wanna know the truth? There was a time where Sean couldn’t even design a pup tent. Hell, ten years ago he was working as a bartender at this place called Lloyds. A complete dive.”

“Right.” Sam nodded. “So what changed?”

“You got me. But overnight, he gets this huge commission, and he starts designing… he starts designing the most ingenious buildings anyone has ever seen. It was like… the level of van Gogh, and Mozart.” He stopped, staring at the ground.

“What?”

“It’s funny. True geniuses, they seem to die young, don’t they? To have that kind of talent. Why… why just throw it away?”

***

I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Sam smiled from beside me.

“Are you sleepy?”

I nodded. “A little.”

He held his arm up and I dove into his side, head resting against his chest. I let my eyes fall shut as I took a deep breath. I hadn’t been sleeping right for the last week. Drinking Dean’s blood had healed me, but he insisted that doing it every day would make me stronger. So far, it was doing nothing but giving me vivid nightmares.

I had woken up thinking I had killed him, and after two nights of hearing me scream, Sam suggested that I sleep in his bed instead. I felt like the scum of the earth, and although I knew better, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Sam saw me in the same way.

Jinx yawned from the backseat, and Sam giggled. The driver’s side door opened, and Dean slid in.

“So?”

“Secretary’s name is Carly. She’s twenty-three, she kayaks, and they’re real.” Dean grinned at me.

I sighed, and Sam rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t happen to ask her if she’s seen any black dogs lately, did you?”

Dean pulled a folded page from his jacket pocket. “Every complaint called in this week about anything big, black, or dog-like. There’s nineteen calls in all. And uh…” He pulled a post-it off the paper. “I don’t know what this thing is.”

Sam plucked the post-it from him and laughed.

“You mean her MySpace address?”

“Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that?”

Sam and I both laughed, and Dean stared.

“Guys, I’m being serious. Is it like…” He leaned over and put his hands over my ears, but I could still hear him.

“Is it like some sort of porn thing?”

Sam and I only laughed harder.

***

I sighed and rolled my neck. Dean huffed.

“I swear, if this is another fucking pomeranian barking in the neighbor’s yard-”

The front door opened, and Dean cleared his throat.

“Afternoon, ma’am.” He flashed his ID. “Animal Control.”

“Oh, someone already came yesterday.” The young woman shook her head.

“Oh, we’re just following up.”

“We’re looking for a Dr. Sylvia Pearlman.”

***

“The doctor, well, she… I don’t know exactly when she’ll be back. She left two days ago.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded. “And you are?”

“I’m Ms. Pearlman’s maid.”

“So, where did the doctor go?” I asked, keeping an eye on Dean, who was roaming around the living room.

“I’m not sure.” She shook her head. “She just packed and went, she didn’t say where. That stray dog, did you finally find it?”

“Oh, uh, not yet. You know, you didn’t ever happen to see the dog yourself, did you?”

“Well, no.” She sighed. “I never even heard it. I was almost starting to think that she was imagining things, but she’s not like that, so…”

Dean plucked a photograph off the wall and squinted at it. “Hey, I read she was uh, chief surgeon at the hospital. She’s gotta be what, forty two, forty three? That’s pretty young for that job.”

The woman nodded. “Youngest in the history of the place. She got the position about ten years ago, I think.”

Dean hummed, and I sighed.

“An overnight success. Ten years ago.”

Dean flipped the photograph over. “Yeah, we know a guy like that.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, hey. Look at this.” He showed us the back of the photo. “Lloyd’s Bar.”

***

I sighed as Dean put the car in park. He ruffled my hair with a smile and a wink.

“Alright. We’ll be back, keep an eye on Jinx. Yeah?”

I nodded. “Okay. Be careful please.”

Sam smiled and kissed my head before clambering out of the car. “Always, bug. You too.”

I watched as they started toward the door, and then Dean stopped. He and Sam exchanged a few words, then Dean pointed. I shifted around to see and sighed.

A crossroads, with yellow flowers growing in each corner. I squinted. Those were yarrow flowers, which were used for rituals. Summoning rituals.

“I’ll be right back, girl.” I patted Jinx on the head before climbing out of the car.

The boys heard the noise, and Sam beckoned me over.

“So, two people become sudden success about ten years ago. Right around the time they were hanging out at Lloyd’s.” Dean stated.

“Where there just happens to be a crossroads.” Sam sighed.

“You guys think?”

Dean shrugged. “Let’s find out.”

He walked into the middle of the crossroads and stopped, looking around. “This seem about dead center to you?”

Sam and I both tilted our heads.

“A little more to the left.”

“My left or your left?”

“Uh, our left. So your right.”

“Gotcha.” Dean mumbled as he shuffled a few steps over.

“Stop, there.” Sam put a hand up.

“I’ll get you a shovel.” I put a hand up. “Keys.”

He tossed them and I snatched them out of the air, hurrying to get a shovel from the trunk. I grabbed it and shut the trunk, handing it off Sam. He took it to Dean while I let Jinx out, holding her on a tight leash so she wouldn’t get in Dean’s way. Dean dug a few inches past the gravel and the sound of metal against metal made me cringe.

“Yahtzee.” He grinned and dropped the shovel, going at it with his hands.

He pulled out an old rusted box and dusted it off, coughing. He opened it and Sam and I dropped to his side. I sat in the dirt and picked through the box, pulling out old, small bones. Sam took a jar with a sigh.

“I’d be willing to bet this is graveyard dirt. And that’s a black cat bone.”

“That’s serious spellwork.” Dean sighed.

“Yeah, like Deep South Hoodoo shit.” I put the bones back in the box and rubbed my hands off on my jeans.

“Used to summon a demon.” Sam huffed.

“Not just summon. Crossroads are where pacts are made.” Dean grew upset as he stood. “These people are making deals with the fucking thing. You know, cause that always ends good.”

“They’re seeing dogs, alright. Just not black dogs.”

“Hellhounds. Demonic dobermans.” I huffed, petting Jinx’s head.

“Yeah. Whoever this demon is, it’s back and collecting. And that doctor lady?” Dean let out a low whistle. “Wherever she’s running? She ain’t running fast enough.”

We circled back to the car, tin box in hand. Dean had it in his hands, but he had closed it. He was agitated, and I felt guilt start to rise in my throat.

“So it’s just like the Robert Johnson legend, right? I mean, selling your soul at the crossroads kinda deal?”

“Yeah, except that wasn’t a legend. I mean, you know his music.”

Sam shrugged, and Dean deadpanned. “You don’t know Robert Johnson’s songs? Sam, there’s occult references all over his lyrics. I mean, Crossroad Blues? Me and the Devil Blues? Hellhound on My Trail?”

Sam only pouted, and Dean sighed.

“Story goes, he died choking on his own blood. He was hallucinating, and muttering about big evil dogs.”

“And now it’s happening all over again.”

“Yeah.” I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. “We’ve gotta figure out who else made deals here.”

“Great.” Dean groaned. “So we’ve gotta clean up these peoples’ messes for em? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play Let’s Make A Deal.”

“So what, we should just let them die?” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. “Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and save em?”

“Dean.” Sam and I made the same face.

“Fine.” Dean sighed. “Alright, rituals like this, you’ve gotta put your own photo in the mix, right? So this guy probably summoned this thing, let’s go and see if anyone inside knows him.” He paused. “If he’s still alive.”

***

“What’s this guy’s name again?” I asked as we walked up the set of wide, wooden stairs.

“George Darrow. Apparently quite the regular at Lloyd’s. Though this house probably ain’t up next on MTV cribs, is it?”

Sam chuckled and I sighed. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, so whatever kinda deal he made…”

“Wasn’t for cash.” Dean huffed. “Oh, who knows.” He shrugged and grinned at us. “Maybe this place is full of babes in Princess Leia bikinis.”

Sam and I sighed.

“No, I’m just saying… this dude’s got one epic bill due. Hope he at least asked for something fun.”

I made it to the door first and noticed black dust lined up under the door. I crouched and slid a finger through it.

“What’s wrong?”

“The hell is this, pepper?” I stood and held my finger out to Dean.

The door swung open and I jumped back into Dean, caught off guard.

“Who the hell are you?”

“George Darrow?” Sam tried.

“I’m not buying anything.” He moved to shut the door in our faces.

“Whoa, whoa.” Dean chuckled. “Looks like you went for the wrong shaker there.”

George glared and I sighed.

“Usually when you wanna keep something evil out, you use salt.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The man spat.

“Talking about this.” Dean held the photo from the tin box up. “Tell me. You seen that Hellhound yet?”

The man’s face went blank and he pulled away.

“Look, we just want to help. Please.” Sam begged. “Just five minutes.”

He sighed and let us in. I followed Dean, and Sam stayed behind me. The apartment was full of paintings, some done and others barely started. There was a table full of paint and brushes, and a bottle of whiskey. George served himself some in a glass, and the three of us looked around, and then at each other.

“So what is that stuff out front?”

“Goofer dust.”

I blinked, and Sam and Dean awkwardly faced George.

“What, you kids think you know something about something but not Goofer dust?” He pulled a brown sack from behind an easel and tossed it straight at us.

Sam and Dean both flinched, and I reached up and caught it with ease.

“We know a little about a lot of things.” I explained as I inched closer to Dean, looking at the bag.

“Just enough to make us dangerous.” Dean mumbled.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Hoodoo. My grandma taught me. Keeps out demons.”

“Demons, now that we know.” Dean perked up.

“Well, then.” George huffed. “Maybe it’ll do you some good.” He slumped in a chair. “Four minutes left.”

Dean and I glanced at each other with slitted eyes before both turning to Sam. He took the lead with gentleness.

“Mr. Darrow. We know you’re in trouble.”

“Yeah, that you got yourself into.” Dean grumbled.

I elbowed him, hard, and he grunted as Sam kept talking.

“But it’s not hopeless, alright? There’s gotta be something we can do.”

“Listen.” George sighed. “I get that you boys wanna help. But sometimes a person makes their bed, they’ve just got to lie down in it. I’m the one who called that demon in the first place.”

Dean huffed as he shot us both an I told you so look. “What’d you do it for?”

“I was weak. I mean… who don’t wanna be great? Who don’t want their life to mean something? I just… I never thought about the price.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Hell, no. Course, I asked for talent. Shoulda gone for fame. I’m still broke and lonely. Just that now I got this pile of paintings don’t nobody want. But that wasn’t the worst…”

“Go on.” Sam pressed.

“Demon didn’t leave. I never counted on that. After our deal was done, the damn thing stayed at Lloyd’s for a week. Just chatting. Making more deals. I tried to warn folks, but, I mean… who’s gonna listen to an old drunk?”

“How many others?” I asked.

“Uh, the architect, that doctor lady. I kept up with them, they’ve been in the papers. Least they got famous.” He sighed.

“Who else?”

He shook his head.

“Come on, George, think.” Dean pressured.

“One more. Uh, a nice guy, too. Hudson. Evan, I think. I don’t know what he asked for. Don’t matter now. We done for.”

“No.” Sam shook his head. “No, there’s gotta be a way.”

“You don’t get it!” George shouted, and the three of us inched away. “I don’t want a way!”

“Look, you don’t-”

“I called that thing! I brought it on myself! I brought it on them…” He sighed. “I’m going to hell, one way or another. All I want is to finish my last painting. Day or two, I’m done. I’m just trying to hold them off til then. Buy a little time. Okay, kids. Time you went, go help somebody that wants help.”

“We can’t just-”

“Get out!” George snapped. “I got work to do.”

“You don’t really wanna die.” Sam reasoned.

“I don’t?” George challenged. “I’m… I’m tired.”

The three of us shared a look before heading for the door.

***

Sam knocked on the door, and Jinx tugged at the leash. I tugged back, forcing her to sit. The door opened, and a man poked his head out.

“Yes?”

“Evan Hudson?”

“You ever been to a bar called Lloyd’s? Would’ve been about ten years ago.” Dean’s face was devoid of expression.

Evan slammed the door shut with a grunt, and I heard the latch go. I sighed.

“Come on, we’re not demons!” Dean called.

“Any other bright ideas?” I turned to Dean with a scowl.

Dean gave me a bitchface before turning, setting himself, and then kicking the door down in one go. I let go of Jinx and she ran in, following where Evan had gone. Dean set himself back up, and Sam smacked his leg down.

“Wait!” He hissed.

Dean scowled, and Sam shot him a look right back. He turned the handle and gently pushed the door open. There was no noise from inside, and Sam stepped in first. Jinx stayed by my side, tail wagging.

“Evan?”

“Please!” He jumped out into sight, hands up. “Don’t hurt me.”

Sam put his own hands up, and Dean’s face remained blank. Jinx sat down, head tilted to the side.

“We’re not going to hurt you, alright? We’re here to help you.”

Dean took the lead, stepping forward. “We know all about the genius deal you made.”

“What?” Evan was shocked. “How?”

“Doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we’re trying to stop it.”

“How do I know you’re not lying?” Evan shuffled backward as I took a step forward.

“Well, you don’t, but you’re kinda running low on options there, buddy boy.” Dean spat.

Evan swallowed and began to pace back and forth. “Can you stop it?”

“Don’t know. We can try.”

“I don’t want to die.” Evan whined.

“Of course you don’t, not now.” Dean hissed.

“Dean.” Sam whispered. “Stop.”

“What’d you ask for anyway, Evan? Huh? Never need viagra? Bowl a perfect game? What?”

“My wife.”

Dean let out a harsh laugh. “Right. Getting the girl. Well, that’s worth a trip to hell for.”

“Dean, stop.” I warned.

“No. He’s right.” Evan sighed. “I made the deal. Nobody twisted my arm, that… woman, or whatever she was… at the bar? She said I could have anything I wanted. I thought she was nuts at first, but… I don’t know how… I was desperate.”

“Desperate?” Sam repeated.

“Julie was dying.”

“You did it to save her?” I asked, voice quiet.

“She had cancer. They’d stopped treatment, they were moving her into hospice, they kept saying… a matter of days. So yeah. I made the deal. And I’d do it again.” Evan shook his head. “I’d have died for her on the spot.”

Dean took a predatory step forward. “You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself. So you wouldn’t have to live without her. But guess what? She’s gonna have to live without you now. What if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul, huh! How do you think she would feel!”

“Dean!” I shouted, grabbing him by the arm and tugging him backward.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Sam warned, then turned to Evan. “You just sit tight, alright? We’re gonna figure this out.”

I pulled Dean into the hallway, grip on his wrist tight. Jinx stayed with Evan, and Sam followed us out.

“What’s your deal?” I hissed.

“I’m fine.” Dean snapped.

“Dean-”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Dean snarled. “Look, I got an idea. Ol, you still got the Goofer dust?”

I scowled as I pulled the bag out and handed it over. “You throw George’s hoodoo at the Hellhound, keep it away from Evan as long as you can. I’m gonna go to the crossroads and summon the demon.”

“The fucking hell you are.” I glared at him.

“Olive, I’m the fucking grown up here.”

“Dean, are you nuts?” Sam tried to ease the tension.

“Maybe a little. But I can trap it. I can exorcise it, and I can buy us time to figure out something more permanent.”

“How much time, Dean?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I don’t know. A while. It’s not easy for those clusterfucks to claw their way back from hell and into the sunshine.”

“No.” Sam shook his head. “No way.”

“You’re not allowed to say no, Sammy. Not unless you’ve got a better idea.”

“Dean, we’re not gonna let you summon that bitch.”

“Why not?” Dean turned back to me.

I shook my head, and Sam jumped in.

“We don’t like where your head is at right now, that’s why not.”

“What the hell are you guys talking about?”

“Dean, you’ve been on edge ever since we found the crossroad.” I reached for his hand.

He let me take it and turned back to Sam with a huff.

“She’s right. And we know why.”

“We don’t have time for this.” Dean tore his hand from mine and brushed past us both. He shoved the Goofer dust into Sam’s chest without stopping, ready to take off.

“Dad.” I called. “It’s because Dad.”

“I’ve been thinking it too, De. I’m sure you have too.”

Dean’s shoulders shrunk and he sighed. “It fits, doesn’t it? I’m alive. Dad’s head. Yellow-eyed demon was involved. What if he did? What if he struck a deal? My life for his soul?”

“I think I hear it!” Evan shouted. “It’s outside!”

Dean steeled himself once more, but his expression softened. “Just keep him alive, okay?”

“Dean…”

“Go.” Dean pointed.

Sam and I turned back and Dean took off. Sam began to line the windows with Goofer dust. I tied Jinx’s leash to the bookshelf Evan had hidden behind and took a handful from the bag, making a circle around Evan.

“What is this stuff?”

“Goofer dust.”

“Is she serious?”

“Afraid so.” Sam sighed. “Look. Believe us, don’t believe us. Whatever you want. Just stay inside the circle, alright?”

Evan nodded and hugged himself as he stood in the circle. Sam helped me finish it, shaking out the last grains from the bag.

“Alright. That’s the last of it.” Sam sighed and we began to pace around the room, eyes on the dust.

Sam was quiet, thinking. I glanced over at Evan, who looked horrified, but somehow at peace. I sighed and turned to Sam.

“It wasn’t supposed to be Dad.”

Sam blinked. “What?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be Dad.” I repeated, feeling tears brew in my eyes. “It was supposed to be me.”

“Olive, what are you…”

“I gave Bobby a different list. I did it on purpose. I was gonna make a deal. For Dean. That way, you, and him, and Dad would be together.”

“Olive.” Sam shot me a warning glance.

“That’s what Dad and I were fighting about before Dean woke up. He knew what I was gonna do. So he did it instead.”

“Olive…”

“It’s my fault that Dad is dead. It’s not Dean’s. I should’ve been quicker.”

“Olive.”

“If Bobby hadn’t said anything, it would’ve happened. And Dean would be happy. He’d have Dad.”

“Olive, don’t you let him hear you say that. Okay? He will never forgive you.”

My heart shattered at the prospect, but I shook my head. “I don’t care. I’m so tired of lying to him. I can’t see him like this, not anymore. I should’ve died, and Dad should still be here.”

“Olive, that’s not-”

“I’m a fucking monster, Sam! How many teenage girls do you know that have to drink their brother’s blood everyday?” I hissed.

Sam looked away, and I nodded, wiping away my tears.

“Exactly. I should be dead, and Dad should be here.”

“Did you guys hear that?”

“No. Where?” I wiped my tears and stood straight.

“Right outside the door.”

The office doors began to rattle like it was the end of the world. Sam grabbed Jinx and pulled me to follow as he stepped inside the circle of Goofer dust. The three of us stared at the door as it shook harder. Jinx whined, and then barked.

“Just don’t move, alright?” Sam ordered. “Stay where you are.”

The door almost came off the hinges before stopping suddenly. We swallowed hard before turning to Evan.

“Do you still hear it?”

“No. Is it over?”

We looked at each other, and Evan whipped around to stare at a grate in the corner. I mumbled a string of curse words to myself, and Sam pushed Jinx into my arms. He slowly crouched and picked me up, placing me on his hip.

The grate burst off the wall, and the Goofer dust began to blow away.

“It’s here!” Evan shouted.

I looked and gasped.

“Ol?”

“I guess the glasses work.”

A huge, hairy, pitch black dog that looked more like a wolf moved closer. Red eyes and yellow fangs, and everything about it screamed death. Another one came out after it.

“Sammy.” I whined, clinging to him.

“Can’t you see it?” Evan whined.

“No! Stay inside the circle!” Sam ordered.

I tightened my grip on him. The dogs circled us, but it was like watching a silent movie. Jinx let out a howl. They clawed at the floor, gouging deeper than an inch in the wood. They stopped just outside the Goofer dust, glaring.

Sam huddled the three of us closer, trying to protect Evan while keeping me on in case we needed to bolt. I watched as the wind from the grate continued to eat at our circle.

“Come on, De.” Sam whispered.

The wind blew at our hair, and Jinx let out a loud whimper. I ducked my head into Sam’s neck and tensed up, ready to die.

“Circles broken, come on!” Sam shouted and took off, dragging Evan along with us.

Evan ducked into a storage room down the hall, and Sam slammed the door shut behind us.

“Bug! Need a hand!”

I handed Jinx off to Evan and let out a growl, helping Sam hold the door shut. My head began to throb, and my fangs tore at my bottom lip. The hellhounds pushed hard, but Sam and I pushed back harder, both grunting.

The pounding stopped.

***

“Demons lie all the time, right?” Sam repeated what we had told him so long ago when we were on the plane. “Maybe she was lying.”

“Come on. That really what you think?”

Sam looked down, and I looked away, shuffling closer to him.

“How could he do it?”

“He did it for you.”

“Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that? You know, the thought of him… wherever he is right now. I mean, he spent his whole life chasing that… yellow-eyed son of a bitch. He should have gone out fighting. That was supposed to be his legacy. You know? Not bargaining with the damn thing. Not this.”

“How many people do you think Dad saved? Total.”

“That’s not the point, Sam.”

“Evan Hudson is safe because of what Dad taught us. That’s his legacy, Dean.”

“She’s right, man. We’re still here. We gotta keep going. For him.”

There was a long pause, and I turned back to Dean.

“De?”

He hummed in response.

“When you were trapping that demon, you weren't… I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?”

He stared straight ahead, then glanced out the window. Tears began to stream down my face and I turned to bury myself in Sam’s side as the radio began to blare. Sam only wrapped his arms tighter around me.

***

Sam shut the bathroom door, and I heard the shower turn on.

“Dean.” I whispered.

“What is it, kid?” He didn’t look up from the TV.

“It wasn’t supposed to be Dad. I’m sorry.” I sat on the bed opposite of him and fiddled with my thumbs.

He turned the TV off and knelt down in front of me.

“What the hell does that mean, Olive?” He got closer to my face.

“I was supposed to make the deal. Dad did it instead. It’s my fault he’s gone, not yours. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean you were gonna make a deal?”

“My soul. For your life. But Dad found out. And he did it instead.” I looked up with tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Dean’s face conveyed an emotion I couldn’t describe. He looked like he wanted to kill me and smother me in kisses at the same time.

He put his hands on my knees and let out a shaky breath.

“Why would you even think about doing that?”

The tears began to flow freely. “I just wanted you to be happy. You loved Dad, more than Sam and I ever did. I just wanted you to be happy, Dean.”

His hands moved up to my cheeks and took another deep breath. “Olive Sam Winchester. If you think, even for a moment, that I would be happier with anybody than I am with you and Sam, you’re dead wrong.”

My lips quivered and I looked up, meeting his eyes through blurred vision.

“I’m sorry.”

He only shook his head and pulled me into a hug.

Previous Ep: The Usual Suspects (2.07)

Next Ep: Croatoan (2.09)

Taglist:

@i67

36 notes · View notes

shirtlesssammy · 4 years

Text

2x08: Crossroad Blues

Welcome to this season’s real hellatus! We’ve got a little theme for the episodes we’re recapping. Try and guess what it is :D Also, we have some good news and bad news. Good news: We’re going to do a whole week of recaps towards the end of the break! Yay! Bad news: They’re all episodes that we hate. We need to get them off our recap plate before the show ends. Enjoy the hellatus (*crying noise*).

Then:

Sam Winchester, professional puppy dog

Now:

Greenwood, Mississippi

August, 1938

Robert Johnson plays Crossroads Blues on a stage to a crowd at a bar. He briefly hears growls but continues to play. He stops again when he sees shadows race outside. The crowd looks confused. Robert runs outside after hearing barks. He races to a shed, but the unseen source of the barking follows him. He kneels to await his fate.

The door bursts open to find a woman and two men from the bar. The men run to find help and the woman pleads with Robert to stay with her as he mutters, “Dogs, black dogs.” He dies in her arms.

Sam and Dean are at a diner and Sam’s researching how much of an outlaw Dean is. Sam is upset because it’s going to make their job harder now that the feds have them on their radar. Well, they have Dean on their radar. Dean thinks Sam is jealous.

Sam’s got a case. An architect jumped off a building he designed, after calling animal control about seeing wild black dogs in his condo.

There’s a ton of lore on black dogs. Dean brings the real insight to the situation when he tells Sam, “Bet they could hump the crap out of your leg.” AND I MISS THIS DEAN SO MUCH SOME DAYS.

They interview Gunner Lawless his business partner under the guise of writing a tribute for Architectural Digest. His partner is resentful but admits that the man was a genius. He wasn’t always that way though. He wonders why people with true talent die young.

The brothers’ next stop is at an area animal shelter. Dean flirts his way into learning more about black dogs in the area. Dean Bean got Carly’s MySpace address too.

They next head to interview all the people that reported the black dogs. The first on their list is Dr. Sylvia Pearlman. She hasn’t been home in two days. Dean notes that she’s chief of surgery at her hospital, a position she’s had for ten years. She’s only about 42, so she’s very young for that position. They also find a connection to their vic and the doctor. They both visited a place called Lloyd’s Bar.

Meanwhile, the doctor is hiding out in an early season dingy motel room. She’s frazzled and petrified when someone knocks on the door. The motel staff is there demanding money for another night’s stay. She grabs her money and turns to the man in the door, only to see his face warp unnaturally.

The boys find Lloyd’s Tavern next. On the cross road outside the joint, Dean notices yarrow flowers growing alongside the road. These flowers are used for summoning rituals. They put things together and start digging a hole in the middle of the crossroads. They find a tin with various items in it.

People have been summoning and making deals with a demon. “Y’know cause that always ends good.” EAT YOUR WORDS DEAN. Sam says that these people aren’t seeing black dogs, they’re seeing hell hounds.

Meanwhile, the doctor meets her end with a visit from her own date with the hell hounds.

Rosedale, Mississippi

1930

We witness Robert Johnson make his crossroads deal with a demon.

Sam notes that whatever they’re dealing with is a lot like the Robert Johnson lore. Dean notes that Johnson’s music is full of references to hell hounds, demon deals, and the occult. Dean’s barely-tolerating-this-bullshit eyeroll is truly a wonder. (Objectification Sidenote: Damn, Dean’s pretty in this scene.)

Anyway, they have a picture of another person that made a deal, George Darrow. They head to where he lives. They notice pepper on the doorsill. George answers his door but doesn’t want anything to do with them. They reveal that they know about the supernatural and tell him they want to help. Sam asks about the pepper and George tells them that it’s actually goofer dust. It keeps out demons.

George talks about making his deal and reveals that the demon stayed around Lloyd’s for a week making deals with other people. George mentions the architect and doctor. There’s one other person that also made a deal ten years prior, a man named Evan Hudson. George is resigned to his fate and tells the brothers to leave.

Evan Hudson works in his home office late at night and flinches at hell hound barks. His wife peeks in before she heads off on a trip.

As she’s bidding him farewell, her face warps into a dead zombie howl. WHEE HALLUCINATIONS!

Sam and Dean arrive at Evan’s house. Dean opens with asking about Lloyd’s Bar, and Evan immediately slams the door in his face and retreats into his home. That went well! Dean kicks down the door and I’m FINE WITH THIS and not objectifying him at all.

The Winchesters corner Evan in his office. Yes, he knows hell hounds are coming for his soul. Dean’s bitterly dismissive of Evan’s distress, joking about potentially frivolous reasons for him to bargain his soul away. Evan reveals that his wife was dying of cancer, and he made a deal for her health. While Sam melts into a puppy-eyed puddle, Dean still reacts to this with anger. “You ever think about her in all this?” Dean asks. “I think you did this for yourself. So you wouldn’t have to live without her. Well guess what? She’s gonna have to live without you now.”

Dean’s anger is...counterproductive. So Sam pulls Dean away and they consult in the hall. Dean instructs Sam to spread George’s goofer dust around while he high tails it to the crossroads to summon himself a demon. He’ll exorcise it, and that will buy them a little time. Sam calls this out as a reckless plan and speculates that Dean’s only doing it because he thinks their dad made a deal. “What if he struck a deal?” Dean asks. “My life for his soul?” OH this SWEET EMOTIONAL TORTURE! He heads out to summon the demon.

Dean buries his offering in the crossroad and turns around to find a woman smirking at him. She’s a crossroads demon! They take turns objectifying each other and then Dean invites her to meet in his car for a little privacy. Classic serial killer pickup line.

Dean tells the demon his terms. He wants Evan released from his deal and he’ll barter himself for it. “You’d sacrifice yourself for someone else?” she says with a devilish smile. “Like father, like son.”

DRAMATIC MUSIC BREAK

The demon gleefully taunts Dean about John’s deal. When Dean tries to usher her into his car, she balks at the edges of the devil’s trap she sees peeking out from under Baby. Nice try, Dean Bean!

Meanwhile, Evan does his best dramatic chipmunk (prairie dog) impression.

The hell hounds are now growling from INSIDE THE HOUSE! Sam and Evan watch the doors warily.

While the hounds close in, Dean gets emotionally traumatized by the demon. (Side note, her breath is visible in this scene and she’s wearing a short sleeved, thin dress. I’m cold in sympathy.) She taunts him about his man-pain and terrible guilt about John’s death. She has the power to bring back John. Dean seems...interested.

The hell hound at Evan’s house stops rattling the door and the room goes silent for a moment until...the hound bursts through the ventilation grate! What a smart doggo!

Dean wants to learn more about the potential to bring back his dad and mopes under a wooden structure until the demon joins him there. She tells him she can give him a ten year deal: John’s life for Dean’s, and they get ten years together before Dean heads below. She plays Dean like a fiddle, and we get a callback to Dean’s feelings in Faith - that he’s not supposed to be alive. Dean experiences VERY LARGE EMOTIONS before wandering out of the structure. “You think you could throw in a set of steak knives?” He directs her attention upward, where he’s painted a devil’s trap on the underside of the structure. What a smart Dean Bean! Excellent misdirection.

Dean reels off HIS deal: Evan lives, and the demon goes free. If she doesn’t strike a deal, she gets exorcised. (Which is SO embarrassing amirite?)

Dean starts the exorcism and it starts a fierce wind to howling. The wind gusts into Evan’s house and blows away Sam’s goofer dust circle. Sam and Evan run for safety. The hell hound barks fiercely...until it doesn’t.

Cut to Dean angry-kissing the demon. A kiss seals the deal (apparently all demons like to slip a little tongue). (Insert crack headcanon that this is Crowley in an alternate vessel, when he first gets heart eyes for Dean.)

The demon tells Dean that her word is her bond, but if Dean breaks their deal then the first thing she’ll do when she escapes Hell is tear into Evan like he’s wet paper.

The demon can’t resist one parting shot. Dean should’ve taken the deal. John Winchester’s torture is unimaginably bad. Dean charges for her, the demon smokes out, and Dean’s left with a scared woman in the middle of the crossroads and way too many feelings.

Driving away, Sam and Dean listen to the blues and contemplate John’s deal. Sam tries to focus on the people John saved, but Dean’s stuck in a sadness pit of his own making. Sam asks him if he considered actually making the deal. Dean doesn’t answer, instead just turning the music up.

Oh, Dean.

The Quotes Bark at Midnight:

Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something

I bet they could hump the crap outta your leg

MySpace, what the hell is that?

Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save 'em?

You're lucky I've got a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 2x08 #crossroad blues #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 2

43 notes · View notes

fank0ne · 4 years

Text

Let's get it started.

- CHICAGO MED:

Sexcel. Marcel is a prick but I still kinda love him..? I don't know, it's not my fault, leave me alone. For real though, I really like him as a doctor, he seems like he really knows what he's doing, and as a human being... nobody's perfect, right? LOL I don't even think he should be considered the cause of Chexton drama to be honest: maybe trying to get in April's pants wasn't the right move, but he's not the one in a relationship. There's only one person to blame.

Chexton. Ethan really did put a ring on it, uh?! And she said yes, too. Wow, I admire the audacity! Do I think the marriage is gonna occur? The fuck not, he is somehow gonna find out about the Sexcel kiss and call the engagement off. Happy endings? We don't know 'em.

April. Wow, she's really decided to not tell Ethan about the kiss with Crockett! Gross. As I said before, I hate liars... I could've understand if the kiss was like - little crossover - Renée and Kelly's at the end of season 5 (was it season 5? I'm dumb lol), but it seems like it was a big deal for April. She herself said, correct me if I'm wrong, that things could've quickly gotten out of control. Like, excuse me?!

Will and Nat. So are they still gonna let them fight and annoy the hell out of me? Is this a fucking curse or something? Oh my god. This time I'm not on anybody's side, the fight was dumb (not the topic itself, but the way the whole thing was managed) and could've easily been avoided: Will needed to do a more thorough check on that junkie mama and Natalie should've told him she was gonna contact CPS whether he liked it or not. You see how simple it is? Fuck, I hate them so much. (Nick/Will looked really good with that shirt in his last scene - his shoulders are very sexy).

Elsa. She's a baby, I wanna protect her. And she smiled, she so cute. And she's gay af - quick reminder, in case you think that shipping her with Will can even remotely be a good idea (jk, y'all know me, you do you).

Daniel. The scene of him singing for his CeCe at Molly's was truly heartbreaking to see. By the way, Oliver has a nice voice, our cast is multitalented! Dr. Charles has a history with depression, though, so I hope he's gonna take care of himself, a thing he seems determined to do, maybe with the help of Sharon - and Elsa too, they're starting to bond.

Maggie and Ben. They're cute, yeah, Ben is in remission and I'm happy for him. But I honestly don't really care about them as a couple to be honest... There's nothing wrong with them, I'm just not interested. Stop.

Quick question: can they change Dr. Marcel's name, please? I mean, when she confessed the whole thing to Maggie, April's voice was trembling, her eyes were watery, but I couldn't help but laugh at her: "I kissed Crockett" LMFAO, you kissed who?! Like, c'mon, what kind of garbage name is that? Gross. *almost throws up*

- CHICAGO FIRE:

Seager. She was ridiculously embarrassing. At first I thought she was gonna accept the fact that Severide is already taken (even though he didn't tell her explicitly from the beginning, so it's partly his fault too, kinda), but when she asked him out after seeing him and Stella clearly acting as a couple, I lost my cool. Bye, Felicia. I'm so glad Kelly told her he's not interested and, y'all, did you see how he looked at Stella and could tell the situation was making her uncomfortable? Wow, couple goals. I'm waiting for a proposal by the end of the season.

Pickles? Foster... I like her, I hate her, I don't know. She's too moody. The fight with Brett was honestly very childish and uncalled for and I'm glad Sylvie stood up for herself and put Emily in her place. Plus, she did it in such a well-mannered and polite way... she's a princess, what can I say. Stella speech about girls sticking up for each other... Yes! Just yes.

Blake. I'm not gonna censor myself: he likes pussy..? Yikes. You guys know I was already starting to ship him with Ritter, but the writers had to ruin it for me. It's ok, I guess. For the moment I'm not really interested in his relationship with that girl (maybe I'm still bitter LMFAO), even though she seems really cool.

Ritter. When are we gonna see his boyfriend?! Damn, those writers! Blake joined 51 just the other day and we already know every little thing about him, I ask to see just a bit of LGBTQ+ content and they act like they're dumb..? How about you show it properly instead of just mentioning it and act like your job is done, mh? I'm ready to fight, I don't care.

Whose tool? : Our tool = What team? : Wildcats! — SAME ENERGY.

Iconic lines: "I'm gay, I'm not blind" + "I know it's hard to imagine with your emails and Facebook and Myspace...," – Mouch, Myspace? In 2020? Ok Boomer (I had to, I'm not sorry)

- CHICAGO PD:

Well well. We've been robbed. We're not clowns, we're the whole circus. The episode wasn't bad at all, I liked it, but still, what the fuck was that?! We've been waiting for more than a month to see some really angsty, whumpy stuff, the episode was supposed to be Jay centered and what did we get? A lame murder case that somehow became interesting only when Kevin and his brother got involved.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my baby Kev gets to get more screentime (it was about time!), but why giving him now and not the next episode? What's the logic in this?

The beginning wasn't even bad, the premises were good. It was all very serious and solemn and all that good stuff we like and then, boom!, they said fuck that, fuck Jay Halstead, fuck you clowns who thought we were gonna treat him with the respect he deserves. Man was literally about to die and then suddenly he's fine, he talks (Jesse was making the voice he uses to imitate Jason, I heard that!), he even jokes around... Like, make it make sense. I'm frustrated. I wanna say a whole lotta other things, but yeah, I hope you get my point.

The Upstead content was kind of a payoff but yeah, still better than nothing. And about that... that fucking phone, really? Hailey was about to confess her feelings, or at least say something really serious to Jay, but of course they were interrupted. As I said, we're clowns. And Jay was ready: my man was so ready to get out of the friendozone, I saw that smirk that slowly faded into a disappointed look. We'll get there, Jay, I probably want it more than you do LOL

Vanessa's gonna be the godmother of Upstesd children. She ships them so much, cutie. "It's hard because you love him" - "Of course I love him, he's my partner" Hailey, sis, stfu and stop lying.

Burzek. They're having a baby, I'm so happy, I'm gonna cry. The little Alvin Ruzek (Kev is gonna be their godfather, I don't make the rules) is gonna be the Intelligence unit mascotte. I'm so ready. Yo, we're having this baby, right? No funny business here, they already broke our hearts with Dawsey twice. Also, did you notice how Adam screamed Kim's name when he thought the million bullets might've hit her and the baby. OMG gheyret having a baby. Whew, I'm not crying, you are!

I admit I wasn't following the storyline at all, like I literally can't tell what was going on before Jordan, Kev's brother, got involved. I wanna see where they're going with this plot: it can potentially be a cool one, I'd actually like too see some drama around Kevin's character - and maybe him being supported by Vanessa, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. I don't know, they either develop it properly or they better end it with 7.11

Y'all, the dude Darius was supposed to set up, the one who got killed by Jordan's girlfriend, is identical to Chris Brown, minus the ears. It's scary.

32 notes · View notes

inevitablekickline · 4 years

Note

19 feels very paulkins to me ~ jack

19. “ew, that is so sappy, i might vomit.”

jhfdfjkdfshgl @askdeanthomass you are RIGHT and you should SAY IT!!!

---

Imagine that nothing was Inevitable, and Paul and Emma got to live a very happy life together after finding a cure that saved most of the city from dying. Once Upon a Time...

Lake effect was a real bitch in the winter.

Sure, everyone loved to gush about the beaches in the summer, but would anyone manage to hear just one person begging to go to a Michigan beach once the temperatures dropped faster than the leaves? No? Didn’t think so.

The only thing keeping Emma from fighting the great lake right here, right now, was the fact that her coffee hadn’t finished brewing yet. And it was eight in the morning. And it was goddamn cold. Okay, so that was more than just one thing, but if Emma freaking Perkins was anything, she was stubborn.

Her toes curled underneath themselves, the cold tile floor of the kitchen providing no forgiveness in the early morning. It was quiet, save for the slow dribble of the last few drips of coffee into a woodgrain-patterned mug. The aroma of half-stale coffee continued to waft through the room, and soon Emma was sat at a small, cozy kitchen table, slowly sipping on a cup of black coffee.

Had she mentioned it was really damn cold? Goddamn lake effect snow.

It was pretty, sure, but so was the color blue, which had been thoroughly ruined for her months ago.

Her fingers rubbed slowly against the side of the mug, letting the heat slowly wake her up. Fingers...hands...arms...chest...neck...then head. She gave a sigh as she brought the mug to her lips, taking a sip. Wow. That was...mediocre at best.

Just the way she liked it. A taste of her good ol’ life, perhaps? Eh, maybe she was somehow getting sentimental after all these months. Maybe...

*click*

Emma started, the coffee cup clinking dully on the table. A split second’s reaction and she found the culprit: Paul Matthews, standing in the doorway with a camera.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Emma asked, halfway between a sleepy mumble and a surprised chuckle. Her finger traced along the rim of the coffee cup, brows quirked at the accused.

“Sorry--should’ve asked, right?” Paul said quickly, gesturing with the camera. “I mean, I was trying to get a candid so that--and you know--it’s that whole thing that normal people do when they--when they’re in a newer house, and they--”

“As long as that doesn’t end up on your MySpace, we’re good,” Emma teased, taking a long sip out of her cup.

Paul let out a breath of a chuckle, shaking his head. “I’m not sure how hurt I’m supposed to be by the fact that you think I would have ever owned--not even considering still own--a MySpace account,” he retorted, shuffling over to the kitchen table in slippered feet.

“I was trying to be nice, make you seem cooler than you are,” Emma teased, reaching out and giving his hand a squeeze once he was near. “G’mornin,” she added with a twitch of a smile.

Paul shook his head, squeezing her hand in return. He pulled out the chair next to hers and sat down, looking out the window. “Morning,” he mused. “First real snow of the year, isn’t it?”

“Fuck snow,” Emma mumbled into her coffee cup, although it was only about seventy percent genuine.

“Looks a bit like a Hallmark movie, doesn’t it?”

“Paul Matthews, please tell me you do not watch Hallmark movies--”

“No, no, no, I don’t, but Alice would watch them all the time--okay, no she still does, especially when she’s at Bill’s--and since I babysat her so often--”

“Paul?”

“--and maybe I took the picture because it reminded me of this one movie that she always made sure to watch when I was around--”

“Paul--”

“--and Alice will be disappointed if--”

“Paul. I swear to God.” By this point, the coffee cup was abandoned on the table, and both of Emma’s hands were clasped on his arms. She was half-dissolved into giggles at this point, and faked a slight gag, continuing only with “Ew.” She shook her head, her hands briefly cupping his face. “That is so sappy, I might vomit,” she said with a sincerity that only doubled the humor of the statement.

Paul just responded with his signature awkward grin. “At least you aren’t thinking of snow any more, right?”

Emma broke, laughing as her forehead rested against his. “Well, fuck, I wasn’t until you said that.”

---

send me Paulkins writing prompts?

47 notes · View notes

iamnotawomanimagod · 4 years

Text

2019 Retrospective Survey

Once upon a time, in the wayback ancient days of yesteryear, aka 2006 or so, people would fill out little self-important surveys about themselves almost every night on Myspace. These surveys were then posted to your profile via a “bulletin” and could be perused by your friends at their leisure.

Eventually, this phenomena evolved into what we now know as “ask games” - people taking these surveys and, instead of just filling them out, reblogging them in the hopes that their followers might grow curious enough to send in some numbers.

Well, to that evolution of this tradition, I say - pah! I’ll answer all these questions and you’ll like it!!

Or you’ll skip it, which is probably the reasonable thing to do. This is mostly for me, so I have some vague record of this year to look back on, which I’ve been bad about the past several years.

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

It’s kind of tough for me to discern what is good and bad, anymore, especially when it comes to my life experiences. Things kind of just “are.” I think I had a pretty good year overall, though, if I step back and look at it, and ignore my mental health and those other niggling little details.

2. How old did you turn this year?

Twenty-eight. Getting up there. I’ve been doing some version of these surveys since I was like, fourteen. That’s fourteen years of random, unnecessary internet void-shouting.

3. Do you feel your age?

Not really. When I was younger, I definitely thought 28-year-olds always had their shit together, automatically, just because of the age. Like it feels like an age where I really should’ve outgrown a lot of things. But I haven’t yet, not at all, and I have zero interest in conventional adulthood.

Did your appearance change in anyway?

I got new glasses, because I lost my old ones in Hawaii.

Post your favorite selfie.

I rarely like selfies where I smile, so even though this one is clearly some goofy cheesin’, I still consider it kinda special.

If you traveled, where did you go?

I went to a place called Monroe, in Utah, which has some amazing hot springs. Slept overnight in a converted hippie bus. It was freezing (if you weren’t in the springs), but really fun!

I also went to Maui, Hawai’i. It was beautiful and I do see why people love it there, but it was very much so not for me. Also flying while fat fucking suuuuucks aaaaass, hugely.

Which fashion trends did you love?

Eye makeup got really fun and weird this year - I love the new shapes and crazy colors.

Here’s a decent example on Halsey. The way her top lid has a line above the lid and under the brow - I’ve never seen that before this year. Really fun and new kinda twist on makeup.

Which fashion trends did you hate?

Chunky dad shoes, the popularity of Crocs (and I fucking love Crocs, don’t get me wrong,) and other seemingly-ironic “comfortable chic” styles. It’s super cute on most skinny girls but the moment a fat girl tries to rock that style, it’s “sloppy” or “lazy.” On the other hand, it was good to see some women reject more revealing or extravagant styles in favor of being comfortable. It’s just tough for a fat woman like me to pull off.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

I pretty much lived in black sweatpants and baggy t-shirts this year.

What song sums up this year for you?

“I Think I’m OKAY” by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Yungblud

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

I listened to a ton of “thank u, next” and “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?” this past year.

What was your favorite movie of the year?

I haven’t seen any movies from 2019 yet. I watched one film this year: “Slow West” - it was pretty good!

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

The entire casts of Legacies and Runaways.

Favorite new TV show?

Probably Legacies! Really surprised me, but it’s a fun show!

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

Cheleanor stole my heart this year, from The Good Place. I, of course, spent way too much time thinking and talking about The 100. Gotta give another shoutout to Legacies and Runaways. Special nod to #deanoru and #hosie, respectively.

What food did you try for the first time?

I tried dragonfruit and papaya for the first time while in Hawai’i. It was also the first time I’d ever tried and enjoyed mango. All the other mango I’d had was never sweet enough and always reminded me a lil bit of cat pee, but a fresh tropical mango is fuckin’ heaven.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Not really “permanent”, but semi-permanent - I moved out of one place and into a new one. We definitely won’t be here forever, though. Maybe a year or two.

What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

I do a lot of little nice things for my husband every day, it’s kinda tough to list them all.

What was one nice thing you did for yourself?

I reached out to an old friend that I had been fighting with and made amends, and we’re friends again.

Did you develop a new obsession?

I always move from TV show to TV show obsessively - lots have already been mentioned. I think I got more into The Try Guys this past year than I have before. I also played a lot more management sims than I ever expected to - games like Dead in Vinland, Banished, Frostpunk, Weedcraft Inc, and This War of Mine.

Did you vote?

Shoulda - didn’t.

Did you move?

Yup! Moved out of my old roommate’s house and into my own apartment.

Did you get a job?

In a sense - I drive for DoorDash. It’s definitely work, but not a conventional job.

Did you get a pet?

No. :( In fact, I kinda lost some - I loved the shit out of my roommate’s dogs, I got way too attached to them. I miss them too much.

Do you regret not doing anything?

Not really.

Do you regret doing something?

Yeah, I let a friend down in July. Wish I hadn’t done that, but. I’m not a very good friend to have, and I’m okay with that. The people who get it stick around through the tough stuff.

Have you done anything that scared you?

I always think it’s a little scary to get on a plane. That’s probably it.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

God, yes. Too many things. Still angry at my old roommate for being such an asshole about cleaning and for threatening to kick us out. That’s the one that happened this year, lol. But I’m still angry about things that happened years ago. I can hold a hell of a grudge.

Did you lose anyone close to you?

Not this year. Got lucky. Guess the universe decided to give me a little break.

Did you fall in love?

Nah, but I stayed in love with a coupla people. ;)

Did you fall out of love?

Nope!

Did you start a new relationship?

Nah. My husband and I have been together for 8 years.

Did you go through a break up?

See above!

Did you have to cut ties to someone?

Kinda. Had one or two people who wanted to be my friend. Made the mistake of being approachable and shit. But they figured out I’m a flakey asshole soon enough. :)

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?

I made amends with my friend, Tracie, this year. She was always important to me. But I was pretending that she wasn’t, last year.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

I can’t really think of anyone. I guess my husband’s best friend - she moved out of our old house first, and I stopped talking to her as often. Prior to that we’d been pretty close. Proximity-based closeness is a trip, y’all.

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

Nah. I made it through. That’s all that counts.

What was the best moment of the year for you?

Seeing my friend get married. It was a really, really lovely ceremony.

What was the worst?

Probably when I tried out a new form of self-harm - aka banging my head as hard as possible against the bathroom sink. Gave myself a mild concussion. 0/5 would not recommend.

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

Going to Hawai’i. I don’t know why I thought it would change me - it just seems like one of those “life-changing” destinations, y’know? But it wasn’t. It was beautiful and otherworldly, and also full of a weird and uncomfortable mixture of white wealth and brown poverty. If anything, that only affirmed my beliefs more.

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

It’s tough to answer these sometimes, because I just don’t really know who I am “as a person.” I don’t think there was anything I didn’t expect. Not this year.

What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I got out and worked a lot. I pushed through some really tough times and experienced some nice things on the other side. I was able to care for my husband during his down moments, the way he’s cared for me. I fuckin’ survived, which is always an accomplishment for someone whose brain is frequently shouting at them to end it all.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

I’m more resilient emotionally than I thought I was. I’m less resilient physically than I used to be.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

I feel warmer and closer to my mother-in-law than ever before.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?

My sister continues to find new ways to disappoint me, but that isn’t exclusive to 2019. My former roommate went from being, in my mind, a mostly-okay guy, to potentially one of the worst people I’ve ever met. And that’s really saying something. Duplicity and lack of awareness go a long way in making someone shitty, though.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

Nah, pahaha. I was supposed to go outside and also journal every day. Didn’t do that. I mostly kept up with it, but there are a lot of gaps. I definitely spent a week or two consecutively indoors, at least twice.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

Probably gonna keep trying with the old ones, tbh.

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?

I would go pick up Cami and head north, for Alaska. Find someone beautiful and peaceful to see the aurora borealis. Drink cream liqueur and hot cocoa with scarves and hats and gloves on. Look up at the endless stars. Have a long, sleepless road trip back, screaming our favorite songs at the top of our lungs, stopping at interesting places when we can.

What do you wish for others for the coming year?

I just hope things get better, dude. Stabler. Less scary.

What do you wish for yourself?

Same as the above, but on a micro scale. I’m heading into my 30s in this next decade. I gotta find something else to do besides just surviving.

#rambling about my life #plz do not rebagel thank u #about me #2019 retrospective

2 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #219

“make a move and you pay for it; pick a lord and you pray to it.”

Do you actually love your grandpa? I don't really remember either of mine. I do from what I remember and have learned of them, though. Do you actually love your grandma? I don't remember my dad's mom at all, but I mean, I love her simply for being my dad's mother, who loved her. My mom's mom, yeah, even though she's. Hard to like a lot of the time. Do you have Facebook? Yes. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? A birthday post. Do you have MySpace? My old one still exists, but I sure haven't been on it since it was current. What is your favorite kind of music? Heavy metal. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually cocaine to me rip. Favorite food? Probably like... pepperoni pizza or cheeseburgers. I'm a full-blooded 'Merican. Have you ever felt replaced? OH, HAVE I! Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. Do you ever regret making a friend? I don't think so. Can you cure mental illness? I don't know about cure, but you can certainly learn how to handle it better and alleviate symptoms. Is God good? Define "God." Cats or dogs? Kitties. Do you play video games? Yeah, but I don't play nearly the variety that I used to. Do you take medication for mental health? Yes. Can you really be racist to a white person? No shit? Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? No. What’s your favorite type of insect? Butterflies. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Larvae, like maggots. Disgusting. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? Idk and I don't feel like checking. I rarely use it. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White is a mood with my mad-at-God-24/7 ass. It needs to stop honestly. I've become so hateful about religion. Not towards followers, mind you, just the concept itself. I could write a novel on this, but I don't feel like it. Just me and organized religion don't get along anymore. Have you ever slept in a water bed? On a water mattress, yeah. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? Never tried, not for me. Sounds messy. Does your ex have a job? My most recent, I guess you mean? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? Yeah, on long drives to like New York and stuff. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? *checks phone* "Sweetie." How often do you use Flickr? Never. I can't log into my account anymore since Yahoo said "fuck u Britt," so there's no point. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend so y'know like- Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? We very much disliked each other at first, so... guess, lmao. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Eh, that's a mystery... Juan was very sweet to me, but I know he had a bad rep. I didn't really see how he interacted with others. How’s your appetite atm? It's normal. I'm not currently hungry. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? Sara randomly and excitedly texted me to tell me "Welcome to the Jungle" was on at work, which was on the radio both when I was there and she was here, so she thought of how much she missed me lakdjsfkalwe I smiled my face in half. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? Eh, it wasn't awful. It was for my school ID. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. My sis went and said it was 1.) insane and 2.) disgusting. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Go to the partial hospitalization program way sooner. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? To earn a happy, content future. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? "Every once in a while," I'd say clean Mitsu's cage. She is such a strange rat. Enjoys pets, but being picked up is a no sir. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? N/A If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? I'd probably write a poem. I know I wouldn't draw 'cuz fuck no am I doing so with a pen. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Uhhh. Idk. Anything I can think of, like lightning, I've seen because of the Internet. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? Probably like, young adult fiction/fantasy, something like that. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Lately, take one of my mood stabilizers. I need to get the box out... aaaand forget every day. I haven't felt any different without it tho so like... If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion, maybe. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? I'm not spending time musing over something that serious lakaljdsfawe. Would you ever travel to Africa? Hell yes. I desperately want to go to South Africa on the Tswalu Kalahari tour. Whose house were you last at? Besides my own, my older sister's. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I guess this depends on how near death you mean. I've been in one car accident that my mom managed to make minor only by being a good driver; realistically, we should've flipped, according to the cop. My mom just acted quickly enough. Then I heavily ODed, but I was given more than enough fluids in time to keep me surprisingly okay. I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't told Mom so quickly, and I don't care to think about it. I'm fucking lucky and don't want to think about what could've happened. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Tbh I myself could've been in this position when my depression was so bad, but then there's factors to that that lean towards it just having been a preference versus addiction. Idk. It's not a problem anymore so not worth debating over. Have you ever been fingered? That was the first cheat when you chose abstinence lmao. What do you do the most when you are online? Watch or listen to something on YouTube. What video game have you played the most? So in WoW you can actually type in /played to see how long you've played JUST that one character up to the years (or maybe days?) down to seconds and. I will never type it in lmao. Ongoing games are v depressing. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? No, those are thankfully gone. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? Be helplessly and openly in love with imaginary demons while dating each other lmao (she's a Freeza fanatic). When and why did you last cry? The second day of school because of math class. When was the last time you drank? I think like... back on the 4th of July. Or some days after 'cuz I know Mom and I didn't finish the container in one night. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Just my piercings, really. Save for on my ear lobes because the holes on the left are fucked up, yay. I'm going to wind up just slightly stretching the first holes when I can afford a small kit; actual studs or hoops look stupid. Never wanted gauges until the holes got too stretched by the weight of hoops; now something needs to be there. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's (who doesn't even live here...) dog Bentley. I hate him and he doesn't like me. No, that doesn't mean I mistreat a pet. He's just a pain in the goddamn ass. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom. I don't know what would happen to me or how I'd cope at this time. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? I'm happier in a healthy relationship. Do any of your friends not get along at all? No. I mean, not that I know of. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? I'd be LOST without YouTube, then KM follows up close. #3, uh... Facebook or Tumblr, I suppose. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No. Well, I do have a little book of Disney World character autographs, but I don't think that really counts. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? We use Wal-mart. Who is your favorite model? Sara is a gd model don't even @ me about it. What have you done that is out of character for you? The Joel thing is the most anti-Brittany thing I've ever done for sure. I can't think of anything more current that stands out, unless it's- NO WAIT, this was quite a few months ago, but I firmly stood against an opinion my psychiatrist made known. He's very talkative and open as hell about his beliefs in current events, and he said something about pit bulls where I was just like... um no sir. I wasn't going to be rude though to HIM of all people so just said I don't base dogs by their breed and shut up. Awkward silence and we moved on. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? LGBT acceptance and rights. I already protest by having given up Chic-fil-a okay I care y'all. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Who knows... What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? Idk. I'm lucky to not have really been told that... What are you most thankful for? Thinking it all over, probably being born where I am. Boy is America FUCKED UP in some places, but boy would I be in a MUCH worse place if I was born in, say, North Korea, between my mental issues, sexuality, and opinions that can go to either end of the spectrum. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I love them! You can find the coolest, wackiest shit. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy with a passion. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? I genuinely think I'm a nice person that has other's well-being in mind. What is priceless to you? Love, in any form. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhh. I guess more than anything, I'm proud of my distant cousin for her unwavering love for and loyalty to her daughter when it came to escaping the Middle East and her dictatorial husband. Read Not Without My Daughter, it's great. Do you keep a budget? I don't have an income. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Rested, a good night's sleep following being truly exhausted. Refreshed, oh man, gimme a hot, long shower. Who depends on you the most? Nobody. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Hell no. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. I was entirely convinced the world would literally end if Jason left. That night still doesn't feel real. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? Colleen and Mom once fought after I'd ignored her, so I guess? It wasn't my wish or anything though for her to do it; Mom had shit to say by her own volition, and I wasn't going to tell my mother "no you can't do that." Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Nope. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. What embarrasses you instantly? A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!! It is SO easy to embarrass me, including second-handedly. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Hell no, I'm most certainly not in the necessary shape, and quite honestly I'm not that willing to risk my life for random people that could be assholes. What do you think should be censored? Idk. I have mixed feelings on censorship, no matter how stupid it seems. Eh... yeah, idk. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Queen Victoria and William Clark. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Depends on who and obviously if we're even compatible. Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Sincerely caring for them, probably. Who is a female role model in your life? My mom, in some ways. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Jfc a lot, I don't want to think about it. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, honestly. It's hard picturing my elderly days. Like I'm not suicidal anymore, I just don't really... realize I'll get there, I guess. I can't picture myself being old and alive. Would you travel to space if possible? No, too long of a trip. Are you an optimistic person? I'm a realist. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? ^ Have you ever felt bi-curious? I started out accepting myself as bisexual through thinking myself as bicurious. I quickly realized "bisexual" was more accurate than "bicurious," but it was an easier thing to shift acceptance towards in regards to yourself when you thought you were straight for 21 years. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? No sir. I agree with some of his ideas, but I hate him as an asshole person without a trace of manners. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Multiple. I'd assume most people know someone who fits at least one criterion there. Are you green-eyed? Not exactly, but they definitely have a green hue to them. They're a gray/green blue. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? I think it's beyond debate that a lot of it is staged, but I mean, I guess to a degree? You still have to fight. It's physical exertion. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Wait. I can't remember if my grandmother had cancer or not... but I don't think so. She was just old. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? An office, definitely. In my work-hunting as well as actual work experience, office work is probably the only job I could actually do that doesn't require a degree... Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? You can't know me and not be fully aware meerkats are my favorite animal. Why? Ho boy. I love social species, and meerkats have such strong personalities, and holy shit are those little things brave as fuck. They're so GOSH DARN CUTE!!!! too, and their loyalty to each other is astounding. I love how playful and curious the little guys are, and... just wow okay, I could write an actual essay on how I adore meerkats so goddamn much. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? I'm sure there are other people afraid of whale sharks, but I don't think it's common? And is an actual phobia of pregnancy uncommon? Idk. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? I hate my Android. I've had an iPhone in the past, and it was great. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depending on my mood. Most often I'd say I like sweet. Do you believe climate change is real? We can't be friends if you don't. Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution. Do you think people can really predict the future? Nah. Have you been to a lot of shrinks? I hate that word. Just call them therapists. But yeah. How often do you clean your room? Not often enough. I need to dust... Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? I DESPERATELY wanna see the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" one. Those books were my CHILDHOOD. What was the last fear you overcame? I don't know about totally overcame, but vocational rehab helped me quite a bit with answering the phone to numbers I didn't recognize. Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No, nothing on me really cracks. Well no, both my big toes do, but no, I haven't hurt myself trying to crack them. What’s the worst part about winter? The days where it's cold BUT ALSO WINDY asdkljfaklwej;awe Summer? It's too fucking hot and probably humid, too. Spring? POLLEN. Fall? Literally nothing. :') Are you allergic to anything? Pollen and silver. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Like, once. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Oh boy, idk. Who does your favorite song? Idrk what my current favorite song is. I say my all-time fave is "False Flags" by Massive Attack, but it's not something I constantly wanna listen to. I guess you could maybe say it's "Headache" by Motionless In White; I play and repeat that a lot. I've really been digging them lately. When was the last time you wore makeup? Shit dude, idk. Months ago. Do you prefer males or females or both? I'm generally afraid of men, but I mean, I don't "prefer" one over the other if he's a good guy. Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? I don't have any friends I go out with. But there's nowhere to go here anyway. Where’s the best place to get coffee? N/A Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? My dad was an alcoholic, but he's recovered. He loved (idk if he still does it) fantasy football, too. Pretty sure I got my addictive personality from him, lol. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Early 2017. Do you like cranberry juice? omfg NO. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? The Last of Us is fucking dope, but I didn't finish it before my PS3 broke. :'( I like the Resident Evil series too, and some of those games have zombies or similar creatures. And The Walking Dead game tears my heart out every fucking season. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? Varying forms of metal. Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube is ALWAYS open. I constantly either watch let's players and a few other kinds of YTers, moving windows around so I can see it and do other things, or listen to music. Do you like wind chimes? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WINDCHIMES!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a fetish? No. Do you have a pet fish? No. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful and calming, but not worth it for me personally. They don't have much of a personality at all, and cleaning a tank so much for just a fish isn't for me. Do you like kettle corn? (That sweet and salty popcorn) Yessss! Do you enjoy classic rock? Hell yeah, man. When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Not since I was at Sara's last. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? Yeah. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No, and thankfully I don't need to. One was very close to needing to be, but it has just enough room. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? "Depending on what I’m signing up for, I’m likely to at least skim it." <<< This. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I had a party every year up to... idk what age. And no, I only invited friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? Yes. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? Nope. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Who hasn't? How often do you use bobby pins? Never. My hair's really too short for them. Well, I'd probably pin the right side up if I was doing something like cleaning. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? Blue and white. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Actually yeah. Do you like Nerds candy? Yes I do.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

7 notes · View notes

backtocatcember · 5 years

Text

Memories of the Taylor Swift Album (2006)

Music has a way of transporting us back in time. When I hear certain songs, my memories can become alive—connecting me with moments and emotions from my past. I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan since 2006. Her songs, albums, and eras have become a somewhat of a diary of my own life, which is why I wanted to make this thread that highlights what memories I’m engulfed by when I listen to old Taylor songs.

Tim McGraw:

I still remember the first time I heard this song and Taylor Swift. I got home from school, and my mom showed me this new song she bought on iTunes. She explained that my oldest brother had showed it to her that morning and told her the artist was a new country music singer that was still in highschool.

Teardrops On My Guitar:

Playing this song on repeat during my 8th grade class trip to Washington DC

Should’ve Said No:

Literally dancing around ridiculously & screaming this song from the top of my lungs as a 14yo girl who had never even kissed a boy

Mary’s Song

Laying in the grass under the oak tree in my parent’s backyard day dreaming about love (again as a 14yo who had never even held a boy’s hand)

Invisible

Playing this song ON REPEAT while on myspace and feeling absolutely CRUSHED by my crush (who later became my first boyfriend :D)

Perfectly Good Heart

Feeling all of the emotions of a 14yo who has never been in love, but desperately needed to feel loved and be in love.. I remember laying in my bed listening to this one before falling asleep.

#this was fun! i will definitely do other albums later #good night!#my memories of Taylor #taylor swift #taylurking #taylor nation #text

1 note · View note

wariocompany · 5 years

Text

hm i have to get my thots on hpatcc down now that ive reread hte script (press j now)

draco is epic. who woulda thunk

ron is still down to fight at any time and thats really sexy of him

delphi is so good on paper?????? this is a very unpopular opinion but when she wasnt delphi riddle but delphi diggory... i just!! wow!! i love u!

scorpius shouldve been in hufflepuff. dont boo me. im right.

scorbus was like..... less obvious on paper i feel. it was still blatantly obvious but on stage they were just fucking kissing the whole time or some bullshit i dunno but like. like

people dont talk about how heartbroken albus was by harry’s actions enough like yes.... hes an edgy myspace teenager but he really just wants harry to love him but he knows he’s not good enough and it makes him do the dumbest shit god i. love albus

ALBUS SET HIS HOGSMEADE SLIP ON FIRE IFJFBFKLDSGKDJSDGSGKJSGHKSDGJHKSDGSDG

ginny

rose and scorpius should’ve been friends :( there wouldve been some good banter. you know it.

“THANK YOU FOR STAYING FOR MY SWEETS, ALBUS!”

albus trans. i dont know how. he just is.

“that’s a bit wow, isn’t it?!”

Malfoy The Unanxious is such a funny title i love scorpius so much

“the king of the sweets bag” scorpius goes on sweets reddit

draco and harry hating each other was really really really fucking funny bc now harry is the one whos homophobic instead of the other way around anfbdsdkgheroghosgdhksgjlglsgjposegiweflweg

#warioware jingle

4 notes · View notes

heyitskylie13 · 6 years

Text

My Journey to Try to Meet Tay

So, I put together this thread on Twitter not long before my first Rep Tour date (Columbus, OH 7.7.18) and it got quite a bit of attention in the Swiftie fandom (as of right now, I believe the original thread is up to 113 retweets and 242 likes, which is A LOT for little old me). I am trying to get @taylorswift & @taylornation to see it, and maybe...just maybe....this story can finally get its happy ending before I am finished with my rep tour dates. I figured in order to increase my chances of getting it seen, I’d write it all out here on tumblr as well, and maybe some of you very sweet fellow swifties will reblog, tag Tay, etc. I’d truly appreciate it. My next show is Atlanta Night 2, and then I will be in Nashville as well. Here we go, an overview of all of the times I have gone out hoping to meet @taylorswift:

1) 2007 - Country Concert Festival Fort Loramie, OH - I was 15 years old, and Taylor was the earliest act of the day and only had like a 30 minute set. I begged my parents to let me go with my boyfriend at the time just to see her play. There were only like 3 people in the crowd who knew her songs! I’d been following her Myspace (LOL) so I knew already that she loved interacting with her fans, and I waited by her tour bus opposite side of a gate for over an hour before a security guard eventually told me that she was not going to be coming over, that I was pathetic for waiting so long, and that I need to leave. I started crying, and my boyfriend made us go.

2) 2008 - Country Concert Festival Fort Loramie, OH - Taylor got invited back! A slightly later slot, but it was on Sunday which a lot of people don’t stick around for (the festival actually has since cut the day entirely). My high school bestie and I were there though with a poster baring Tay’s lyrics and screaming every word to the songs she played. I don’t have photos of our posters because some drunk girl stepped on it after we had accidentally dropped it and ended up ripping it pretty bad. We waited by the buses after her set for quite awhile before we were eventually told by security that she had to catch a flight to NY or something and wouldn’t be coming out.

3) 2009 - Defying Gravity Tour - Taylor was opening for Keith Urban and a group of my friends and I got tickets to just to see her! I got to meet Mama Swift for the first time, but didn’t meet Tay. I wasn’t really surprised because there were so many of us in our group, and this was before her headlining days so we didn’t even really know if there’d be a chance or not.

4) 2009 - CMT Awards Nashville, TN - I bought tickets when it was announced that Taylor would be performing, and drove to Nashville from Ohio (with my older sisters accompanying me because I was only 17 haha). I got to meet a lot of celebrities actually outside of the venue beforehand, but not Taylor, and my phone also died before the show so I didn’t get any photos.

5) 2009 - Fearless Tour Columbus, OH - Nothing crazy happened this day, really, but it marked the beginning of Natalie and my’s ongoing Taylor concert bond! Taylor also came this close to us during “Hey Stephen” and touched my hand as she was walking back to the stage!

6) 2009 - Fearless Tour Indianapolis, IN - A random guy-friend of mine ended up with an extra floor ticket to the show and invited me so of course I said yes! I saw Mama Swift again, and she actually remembered me and “all my jean skirt, cowboy hat friends” from Cincinnati (the keith urban show!) -- I was shocked, and she is so sweet that she upgraded us from our back-of-floor seats to the pit!

7) 2010 - Fearless Tour Cincinnati, OH - My friend and I arrived to the venue at like 10 A.M. the day of the show, and we brought a scrapbook we had made for Taylor. It ended up raining and still we stood outside (trying to protect our book lol) for nearly five hours across from the tour buses/loading area. Eventually someone from Tay’s team came out and gave us pit passes and took the book promising to get it to Taylor. I still have no idea if she ever saw it.

8) 2013 - The 13 Hour Meet & Greet Nashville, TN - This is the hardest day to talk about of them all...We came from Ohio and walked around the event ALL DAY (totaled about 10 hours) trying to be picked by Taylor’s team members and we watched fans meet Taylor all day from this close to us. We never were picked, and eventually we left/gave up once they announced the last meet & greet wristbands had been handed out. It was honestly heartbreaking because this event had our hopes up so high, but Taylor is truly an angel for meeting SO many people that day, and I don’t fault her at all. Plus, we did get to enjoy a free acoustic set!!

9) 2011 - CMA Fest Nashville, TN - At an event this big, we truly didn’t expect to meet Taylor, but we still had an incredible time supporting her as a CLOSING act of the festival!!

10) 2011 - Speak Now Tour Indianapolis, IN - We had SOOO many glowsticks haha but it worked somewhat! Taylor’s team came up to us in our literal nosebleed seats and gave us pit passes! It was an amazing experience, but we still didn’t get to meet Taylor.

11) 2011 - Speak Now Tour Cleveland, OH - This concert was the VERY NEXT NIGHT from the previous entry in this story! Two out of three of us (Natalie and I of course) made a back-to-back trip from Indianapolis to our hometown (2 hours each way) and then to Cleveland immediately (4 hours each way) to see Taylor again in our same get-up from the night before. We had floor seats this time, and there were these two precious little girls in front of us who kept standing on the chairs in order to see and getting scolded by security. It was breaking my heart that them (or their parents who kept trying to hold them but they were heavy as like seven year olds) couldn’t truly enjoy the concert. Since we knew what the setlist would do, we told the family about Taylor’s “b-stage” songs she’d sing later closer to us. I saw Andrea and told her what was going on, and she said I looked familiar haha I gave her a brief overview of shows I’d been to and when we’d met and she said, “so of course, you’ve met Taylor” or something along those lines and I truthfully said “no I haven’t.” She had me go get the family and brought all of us into the sound-stage/b-stage private area for Taylor’s set there and for the rest of the show. The family was so excited and when Taylor came down from the stage, she hugged those little girls on her way out to the crowd and when she was hugging these other girls in front of us, she extended her arm to half-hug us at the same time. I CRIED A LOT.

12) 2013 - Red Tour Columbus, OH - At this point, we tried to up our costume game lol we went for the “22″ music video look. We were pretty happy with it! We didn’t get noticed by anyone for anything at this show, though. Nothing crazy happened, but as always any night at a Taylor Swift show is magical and memorable <3

13) 2015 - 1989 Tour Louisville, KY - OOOO Lucky #13 ;) This really was a lucky show. We went to the @taylornation booth and they were impressed by how many shows we’d each gone to, and when I told them all about my Master’s Degree Thesis (I wrote it entirely on Taylor just a few months prior, and had just earned my graduate degree about a month before this show!). They were really intrigued by this and kept asking for all sorts of details lol when we left the booth, we barely made it far away before one of the girls from TN was chasing us down. My heart was beating SO FAST. She asked if we’d like to enjoy Taylor from the pit that night instead of our ticketed upper-level seats. OF COURSE! We didn’t get offered Loft ‘89 that night, unfortunately, which once we’d been upgraded we didn’t expect. Although, some girls nearby us did get upgraded and then later given Loft as well. Props to them! This was still one of my favorite show experiences and memories, especially because I heard the “Clean” speech for the first time and I REALLY needed it at this time in my life. A lot of tears were shed.

14) 2015 - 1989 Tour Gillette Stadium, MA - We won tickets to this!! Couldn’t believe it. Four of us got to go, and we drove TWELVE HOURS (it actually ended up being like 14 after traffic and stops etc haha) to go to this. This was one of the costume get-ups I am the most proud of. When we got to the TN booth, there weren’t any of Taylor’s team working it (I guess it was stadium employees taking pics idk). We did our best to stand out during the show, but we didn’t get to meet Taylor. I actually heard that there may not have even been a Loft that night, but there had been at the previous night Gillette show.

15) 2015 - 1989 Tour Columbus, OH - We loved our outfits for this, we were BAD BLOOD AF!! We didn’t get noticed in any way this night, though. Taylor was still amazing as per usual and it was my last time seeing the 1989 Tour. We did, however, cry on the drive home feeling defeated yet again....

16) 2018 - Reputation Stadium Tour Columbus, OH - Just recently added this one because I’m one show into the Rep Tour and have still not met Tay. My first show of the rep tour required me to drive 6 hours from Nashville (I moved here in 2016), but I was so excited that the drive there flew by! I’ve really been working hard to get noticed on social media this era (as you’ve seen everything above wasn’t working for me). I thought maybe this twitter thread was finally enough to get attention from Taylor/TN, so I honestly got my hopes up more than I should’ve about getting a DM for pre-show. I’m still not totally sure what was going on, but it seemed that there wasn’t as many pre-show DM’s as usual and maybe the process is changing (or the holiday impacted it idk still really). Not that I thought I was a shoe-in or anything for a pre-show M&G, but the situation did make me feel like my shot of meeting Taylor now was definitely low. We were absolutely in AWE of every aspect of this show, though, let me tell you. I wasn’t disappointed in any way by Taylor’s production. Wow. Just wow. We also were unexpectedly right next to one of the B-stages so Taylor was so close during that part of the show! I cried my eyes out to the “Long Live” & “New Year’s Day” mash-up because of my new long live tattoo and because NYD has significance to me and my relationship. Unfortunately, I ended up feeling AWFUL like a majority of the show though (like sick) and it got worse about halfway through.I spent a lot of time trying not to throw up or miss any of Taylor performing, and I toughed it out, but it wasn’t the way I wanted to experience the show. I ended up having to sprint past everyone with Natalie’s help to make it to a bathroom and throw up and I felt awful our whole hour drive back to Natalie’s house. It’s honestly probably good I didn’t get picked for post-show rep room because of how bad I felt! ANYWAY I’m still sad it didn’t happen for me, but I am hopeful that it wasn’t the right time and my time with Taylor is still coming.

CONCLUSION: I am not in anyway ungrateful for the @taylorswift experiences I have had thus far. I know I have gotten more from Andrea and @taylornation than many have. Some people haven’t even gotten to see Taylor live! I know that, BUT my DREAM since before section #1 here has been to meet Taylor and thank her in person for everything she’s helped me get through. So if it’s possible in anyway to make this happen so I can tell her that, show her my tattoos she’s inspired, tell her about my thesis, etc....it’d mean the world to me.

#taylor swift #taylor nation #reputation #rep room #taylurking #reputation stadium tour

63 notes · View notes