#she's effectively an alien and the only person she's been so thirsty for other than me is Karlach and I'm like PLEASE

[coolspacequips]

I think not being able to be poly with Karlach and Lae'zel makes NO damn sense, Lae'zel my character is in a sapphic situationship w you and the gayest thing you've ever said to them was ABOUT MEETING KARLACH we ALL HAVE TWO HANDS Y'KNOW--

[mrs-bartowski]

My dudes. My guys. My pals.

I’m about 10 seconds away from going feral.

So, I’m the kind of unfortunate chump whose brain requires continuity. Meaning, when I started thirst watching Supergirl during its mid-season-2 hiatus and came across the realization that it had crossovers with all the other arrowverse shows, my brain tasked me with watching them all. I won’t put you through a recount of this arduous feat, but it does leave me with the certain advantage of having immediate and full-contextual access to any parallels between supercorp and canon CW DCEU couples.

Normally, this is a good thing, because it’s just another crumb to obsess over. But I just finished watching Legends 6x02 and...I. AM. FUMING.

I literally don’t even know where to start, but know that if you’ve made it this far you’re in for a long ride because my entire being is in Scream mode right now and I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop typing until it passes.

OKAY. So.

Meet Sara Lance (lol jk y’all thirsty gays know who she is I mean look at this flawless human)

Next, meet her ******* Ava Sharpe (who is literally the definition of white European beauty standards-based perfection because she’s a clone from the future)

And finally, meet Gary Green. He’s...well, he’s Gary.

Sara started out on Arrow and is now the captain of the Legends. Ava was the director of the Time Bureau and Gary was an agent, and now they are also members of the Legends. Sara has been there (and been the show’s effective lead) since season 1. Ava and Gary both came in at the beginning of season 3. 

Gary is (as pictured) an absolute fool, but he is also kind of regarded as the one the Legends Must Protecc. The whole team is considered a family, and, while they are not necessarily labeled as best friends, Gary has been Ava’s longest and most loyal companion, and Sara has a way of adopting him because she’s the best equipped to keep him out of trouble.

So, why is all of this relevant to why I want to go feral? Because it sounds a bit familiar, yes? Member of the team that is somewhat a black sheep, doesn’t get included fully or all the time but often comes in with save-the day type shit (even though with Gary it’s more of a distraction than a save because he’s a mess of a man). Close friend to one of our two main heroes and, subsequently, that hero’s closest companion puts them at the top of their Protecc list. Has little faith in his relationships with the team so he is constantly going out of his way to help in whatever way he can to prove his usefulness. And so on and so forth.

Well, 6x01 marks exactly 3 years since Gary’s first appearance, and what did we find out in that episode? That Gary is an alien. And not just any alien - an alien who was sent (by the woman he was traded to) to get close to Sara because she has been labeled as one of the world’s most dangerous creatures. Not to mention, his species of alien feeds on humans (not him of course, he’s reformed, but nonetheless not a friendly species). And we find out all of this because he and his master abduct her.

Sara finds out in person while Ava and the rest of the Legends solve the mystery on their own. Now, I’ve drawn a lot of comparisons between Lena and Gary to make a point about the time frame and nature of their relationships, but let’s take a look at Sara, shall we? For starters, she’s been “dead” either literally or supposedly about...what, 15 times now? If you think that’s an exaggeration, here’s the link to her fan wiki which says she’s been presumed dead 10 times and actually dead 5. The sg writers tried to sell season 5 as “the fight for Lena’s soul” but Sara LITERALLY LOST HER SOUL when she got resurrected in the Lazarus pit. 90% of Sara’s character development has been based on her certainty that she is too close to death and evil and destruction (getting possessed by a demon, perhaps, had something to do with this?). She was an actual literal assassin and she has left civilization out of anger and pain to go back to that life once before.

She has always believed that she is too dangerous to have real love or relationships or friends. And now she has found and built and led this family through time and space and she’s done so with this goofball by her side that is endearingly attached to the love of her life. So, how does she react when she finds out Gary is an alien? Well, clearly, she goes down a dark path, right? She cries and screams and talks about betrayal because she’s had such a hard time with feeling like she only ever puts the people she loves in danger and now here she is finding out there’s been a human-eating alien in her family for three years that was tasked with observing her and keeping her in check because she is exactly that dangerous?

Yeah...try again. This is how Sara reacts:

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And then there's another scene that apparently no one even bothered to put on YouTube where you can see the pain in Sara's eyes when she asks him “why me?” You can see how hurt she is that after 3 years she’s just finding out that their friendships is based on lies and that she has trouble keeping her faith in it. But in both of these instances where are the “crocodile tears?” Where are the fearful, shaky confessions from Gary about his fear of losing the only people who have ever really loved or cared about him and desperate justifications about how he just wanted to protect them and keep them in the dark so his master didn’t come after them? Where is the outrage from Sara about how everything Gary has reassured her about over the past three years when she was scared to let the damaged-soul assassin inside of her out was a lie and he doesn’t get to tell her who or what she is again? Where is the determination from Ava to make Gary pay for not only lying for three years but for ABDUCTING THE LOVE OF HER LIFE TO HAND OVER TO A FLESH-EATING ALIEN??????

Nowhere. Those things...they’re nowhere. There’s anger. There’s pain. There’s doubt and heartbreak and fury. There’s betrayal and helplessness and desperation. But there is no scene with Sara standing on a balcony and Gary looking up at her longingly because he wants to talk to her about the secret and he knows it will change everything between them. There is no scene with Sara and Ava lamenting over what this means for Gary and the team and the world because he’s no longer the person they knew. There are no romantically-scored scenes of them looking teary-eyed at the pictures they took together or reassurances that the others’ intentions are good and trustworthy now that the truth is out in the open. There is nothing to imply that the last several years of friendship are now entirely suspect (damaged, frayed, clouded, maybe, but definitely not voided) because Gary kept this secret to protect them. And Gary isn’t made to feel obscenely guilty or shameful because his intentions were good and he only did what he felt he had to. But most of all, the world doesn’t feel like it’s going to end.

And I’m not talking about we’re now scared Gary will take his master’s side or Sara will suddenly decide that she never wants an alien to fool her or hurt her again so she’s going to make sure he doesn’t have the choice. I’m just talking about the way they address each other. There are no sobbing tears or laments over the biggest mistakes of their lives - even though it’s quite possible Gary could see this as his. There are no screaming matches over betrayal and mistrust and years of doubt and confusion. There will be no episode dedicated to going back and seeing what could have happened - what kind of danger they could have avoided from the alien(s) controlling Gary - had he told them the truth sooner because that’s the only way to save him and the world. There will be no episode where he has to single-handedly save them multiple times as some example of redemption. There will be no adamant looks and declarations about how the team knows his intentions were good and they forgive him. There won’t be any of that. Because Sara is not in love with Gary. And Ava is not in love with Gary. And Gary is not in love with either Sara or Ava. They’re just close friends. Family. Loved ones who mean a lot to each other but whose betrayal and seeds of doubt don’t bring on emotions whose force and ferocity could be acceptable for finding out the apocalypse is nigh.

I have many, many more feelings about this but right now I’m going to go write things that will make me feel better and not things that make me want to gather every writer from every CW show in a line and run down the line smacking them all in the face while the Legends writers watch and cheer. But I’m fuming. THIS is what it looks like when a years-long, heavily weighted lie is revealed between close friends/family. So, in conclusion, Supercorp endgame or die.

[detective-with-one-arm]

Alien Verse Headcanons

Rachel

Her planet is very far from the Milky Way Galaxy. The planet Essek.

Her name is pretty much completely unpronounceable to the human tongue as is her language, but she can very easily and very quickly learn languages.

In appearance, she’s very tall. At least ten feet from the pads of her feet to the top of her head. However, compared to other members of her species, she’s actually a runt.

She’s very fascinating in appearance, having skin, scales, and carapace in various places.

Her head is very snakelike, with expressive fans on either side of her face that act as radio dishes to channel sound to her ear holes that give her an incredible sense of hearing. 

From the crown of her head grows a large protective crest that cranes off the back of her head made of a carapace that shields the waterfall of sensitive thick tentacles that drape down her long and graceful neck. These tentacles detect various subtle changes in the atmosphere, such as temperature, pressure, toxicity, and various other subtle elements.

Her mouth splits open into a set of three jaws, each with a row of teeth that can be dislocated and each with a long forked tongue and Jacobson’s Organ that gives her a very keen sense of smell.

On each side of her head is a set of three eyes that each move independently, giving her an extremely wide range of view and the ability to focus on multiple targets at once.

From her chest down is mostly made of carapace, acting as thick armour to protect her soft insides. Her limbs as well are also insectlike, having armourlike segments to protect her flesh beneath.

Her hands and feet are zygodactyl, two digits in front and two digits in back, with sharp retractable talons.

Her back has two protective shells that can be dislodged to reveal two large leathery wings nearly twice her size that allow her to fly.

From her back are two long tails that taper to stingers at the end, each equipped with paralyzing venom that can last for up to six hours.

She is also capable of breathing vapour that can do various things depending on the intent, her mouth equipped with various glands that can change the potency and effect of it. This can range from poisonous gases, to anesthesia, to sleep smoke, to a sweet perfume that lures targets towards it. There are numerous purposes to it.

Her race are all actually the exact same sex. There is no physical distinctions among sexes or genders and gender is entirely up to the individuals to discern and aren’t even always static.

Howard

The Khakhalls’ planet was destroyed. He was the only surviving member. It was an unknown planet from very far on the edges of the universe.

His only vestige is his giant ship. He had it built in case anything happened to his people that was an extinction level event. As such, his ship is meant to act as its own sort of homeworld, complete with a deck specifically for holding and raising offspring.

Which leads to how he interacts with other species of other planets.

Because his planet was destroyed, he’s solely responsible for repopulating his species. That means finding other creatures to do that with.

One would describe him as a giant golden arthropod, made of carapace and with multiple arms and legs, multiple pairs of eyes, and mandibles.

His shell is a reflective gold colour, his skin being a black inky colour between his segments. His claws and teeth are also black.

He’s vaguely humanoid from the waist up, but beyond that is his insect-like body, long and perfect for skittering and scuttling about.

The underside of his belly is completely transparent, meaning that if you were beneath him, you would see the countless eggs he carries inside of him.

His eyes are a beady black colour, but they glow a piercing green that hypnotizes and freezes his prey.

His mandibles fold over his large fangs and from between his fangs are his long tentaclelike tongues, of which there are many and they are very long.

There are two places where tendrils grow out of him, his head, simulating long hair or something like dreadlocks, and the back of his abdomen. The ones at the back of his abdomen are prehensile and act as such, designed to grab onto and hold onto things.

His mandibles are capable of injecting venom that paralyzes or renders his victims unconscious. Depending on the potency and how much he injects, this can range from sluggishness and drowsiness to complete immobility and loss of consciousness. This also affects the time it takes for the venom to wear off.

Despite his planet being destroyed, there was a hierarchy. The planet was ruled by the queen who is responsible for breeding and controlling the worker drones. All of their eggs come out as worker drones and their responsibility is to bring food and mates to the queen.

However, if the queen dies, the worker drone who happens to be closest to the queen when they die will become the new queen and begin growing larger and will start producing eggs.

If the entire species dies, if there is a survivor, they become the new queen.

NSFW

Rachel

Since there are no physical distinctions between sexes among this race of aliens, all members are equipped with the exact same reproductive functions.

They all have a cloaca which houses both an ovipositor and a receptor.

All members are capable of producing and accepting fertilized eggs. Whichever member decides to carry the eggs is entirely up to personal preference. It is not even dependent on the gender of the individual. It is simply up to personal preference.

Because of the physical nature of their reproductive systems, mating is not restricted to members of their own species and they can mate just as successfully with other sapient and intelligent species.

Howard

Queens have specifically one purpose. To breed and create more drones to build their nest and expand their empire.

Queenhood is not restricted to gender. It is purely a hierarchical role and their physical differences from the drones reflects their purpose in society.

Drones do not mate with their queen. They capture other species for the queen to impregnate with their brood.

Queens are much much larger than the drones.

While drones do not mate with their queen, they are capable of mating with the breeders they bring back for their queen, though this does not result in impregnation. Some drones will do this simply for their own pleasure and to make them more compliant and willing to be bred by their queen.

Queens have a large ovipositor concealed in their abdomen within the ‘flower’ that is the series of tendrils that protrude from their backside. It is where a queen will deposit their brood inside their mate.

Once a queen has deposited their eggs inside their brood, the queen will then pass off their brood to the drones for them to properly inseminate the eggs. The queen can do this herself, but it’s more efficient for breeding multiple broods in rapid succession.

The tentacles inside a queen’s mouth deposit sperm.

This species’ sperm and saliva acts as an aphrodisiac, ensuring that their victims remain compliant throughout the breeding process.

Aside from size, there are other differences between queens and drones.

Drones do not have as large of abdomens as the queens do and their undersides are the same colour as the rest of their bodies.

However, once a drone begins to physically change into a queen, they will start growing and shedding their carapace and their abdomen will swell in size as well their undersize carapace will begin to become transparent as the eggs begin to be produced.

The actual birthing process is quite painless. These species keep their mates in pods until it’s time to breed them or it’s time for the eggs to hatch. These pods keep them nourished so that they never starve or go thirsty.

They never insert more eggs than a body can physically handle and they can sense when the limit has been reached before stopping. Because of how many eggs a queen can produce at a time, it’s rare for them to completely empty during a single season.

[brotheralyosha]

Loneliness is the biggest problem facing modernity. It's endemic. It's worse for your health than smoking. Lack of civil society and upward mobility in your town best explained voting for Trump in the primaries. And no one talks about it because it's embarrassing.

That above was my response to this tweet:

My friend texted me that he was moved by my tweet. “I struggle with it constantly,” he said. Despite a loving wife and very close friends he often feels alone. “Connection - real connection - is hard to find. And like a thirsty man in a desert, I can never get enough.”

I’ve been lonely most of my life.

Ever since realizing I was lonely and had always been lonely I’ve been obsessed with loneliness. I’m obsessed with how common it is. I’m obsessed with how dangerous it is.

But what fascinates me and frightens me most is the self-reinforcing nature of loneliness. Studies show lonely people come across as more awkward, insecure, and desperate in social situations. It’s the same brain quirk that causes hungry people to eat more junk food and poor people to make worse financial decisions. Scarcity trips up our decision-making. Researchers think our brains severely discount the future when we experience scarcity because for most of human evolution scarcity was an immediate, existential threat. Our genes care about keeping us alive long enough to reproduce. They don’t care about credit card debt.

Acting desperate further alienates people. Unable to escape scarcity mode, many lonely people learn to avoid social situations entirely. Avoiding social situations only gets easier as we get older. Social isolation also hastens dementia, which is itself isolating. Loneliness, then, becomes a death spiral.

Anyway, I could go on at length about the research on loneliness. And I would really like to. Because that’s fun and comfortable for me. But I want to talk about my experience with loneliness.

---

I, like many people, have been spending a lot more time alone since the pandemic hit. Mostly, this has honestly been great for me. It’s helped me see how much of my social time was kind of wasted on surface-level relationships without staying power. I’ve been more selective and deliberate about who I spend time with than at any point in my life. I’ve begun to learn how to enjoy my own company, throw myself into projects, start new hobbies, and work on developing something akin to discipline.

But sometimes I worry I’m spending too much time alone. Before Thanksgiving I was happy with my choice to not go anywhere or see anyone. It was the right thing to do in the middle of a third wave of COVID, and it felt like a relief. I’d just seen that part of my family in October and traveling for Thanksgiving is always a clusterfuck. But occasionally the question would creep into my head: Could spending Thanksgiving alone mark the beginning of a loneliness death spiral?

My friend offering to come over and take pictures of me for my OnlyFans that day mostly allayed my fears of loneliness-induced early onset dementia and gave me something to look forward to. That she brought me home-cooked turkey, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes with gravy, and green bean casserole all made from-scratch and absolutely delicious was an unexpected treat.

But for some reason I was still sad on that Zoom call. So sad that I started crying. I couldn’t help myself. I got off the call and just sobbed.

Normally I’d berate myself for being sad about nothing, for burdening my friend with my sadness, for being foolish enough to hope he’d be there for me in the way I needed him to. I know this because those thoughts did pop up. But this time, they didn’t find any purchase. This time I felt proud of myself for taking a risk by being vulnerable with my friend. I didn’t take it personally that he couldn’t hold me this time. I wasn’t angry with him or with myself.

I realized that, yeah I’m sad about being single. But what I’m really sad about is being lonely. I’m sad that I don’t have a best friend.

Specifically, I realized I didn’t have anyone I felt like I could call and cry on. Now, the truth is I have many people who would have been happy to be there for me in this state. But I didn’t feel comfortable or safe calling any of them. Not because of anything they have ever done or said. But because that’s just too vulnerable to me.

What I wanted in that moment was to have that kind of intimacy with someone. What I felt in that moment was the desire to cultivate that intimacy by practicing being vulnerable.

For so long I’ve thought of myself as radically vulnerable because I put my embarrassing secrets on the internet. But that’s easy for me.

What I realized for the first time is that asking one individual person to be there for me and hold me when I’m deeply sad is a bridge too far for me right now. I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to do that. But I want to. I want to work up the courage to call someone when I’m crying or about to cry and share that emotional space with them. And obviously I want some people in my life to feel safe and comfortable asking me for the same.

Real connection is incredibly difficult to cultivate. It requires asking people for help. It requires believing I’ll be able to reciprocate when the time comes.

I like to live in the studies and the research and the theories about how agglomeration effects, suburbanization, workism, car-dependency, secularization, and the nuclear family ideal conspire to alienate us from each other.

But I think the opportunity to create the kinds of relationships I might be capable of, for me, lies in being vulnerable and taking risks.

And in destroying the suburbs. Who’s with me?

[fieryfantasybooklover]

Creeping Corruption - Chapter 5 (Final Chapter) - The End

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

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@lily-chen-deserves-better @zafirafox4636 @girlwhohatesstuff @blackthorn-necromancy @daisyherxndale @brotherlipsmackariahs @themostawesomehuman @friendlyneighbourhoodreader @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @insane---chaos @rainbow-sheepofthefamily @churchthecatismyspiritanimal @cordeliacarstairs1903 @imherongraystairstrash

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Everything happened way too quickly for any reaction besides chaos. Aliens of all forms poured in from so many entrances that Jem’s head spun. The kids instantly burst into tears, sobbing and screaming and wailing. This had no effect on the alien soldiers, who surrounded them and hustled them out of the room, despite the efforts of the older ones to resist. Kit had swept up Tavvy in his arms, and was stubbornly refusing to let go of the toddler. Max and Rafe were raising hell, kicking and yelling. All the other children were crying and sobbing, but seemed to have been shocked into submission. Only Mina went quietly and without a fight. Her dark eyes were thoughtful but her face revealed nothing, having settled on a calm docile mask. At that moment, nobody could have known what she was thinking or what she was feeling.

With this series of events, Tessa snapped. The aliens had pulled her and Jem appart, and were holding them tightly. But Tessa was having none of it. Her warlock’s magic wasn’t working here, a fact she knew since she had tried multiple times to locate Jem through it. But when Tessa was angry, there wasn’t any stopping her. She wrenched herself from the alien’s grasp, vibrating head to toe with anger. Tessa might be a hundreds of years old warlock, but she was by no means frail and took down atleast 10 aliens before she was wrestled to the ground. Catching one last glimpse of Mina before her daughter was removed from the room, Tessa shouted at her daughter to stay safe, to stay alive, and that her parents would always come for her.

Tessa was again forced to her feet and turned to face what appeared to be the highest ranking alien here. Casting her eyes to Jem’s, both silently acknowledged that they would escape and find the kids again as soon as possible, but for now they needed to pretend to give up. Sighing, Tessa sagged and put up a defeated air, with Jem following suit. The head alien smiled smugly, and it couldn’t have been clearer that it considered himself to have earned a victory. And then it began talking, to which Jem and Tessa found they could still understand it.

“It appears the trap we have laid for you succeeded. Did you really think it would be that easy to sneak into our city? Into our main military base? Into our high risk prison block?” The alien shook its bear-like head with a condescending air. “I really would have expected the lone survivors of an ancient warrior race to be smarter. But then, you survived only because we allowed you too. No combination of luck or skill could have granted you life when we wanted you to perish. But it does not matter now. Your children will be coming with us when we move into your old world. By now, there will be so few humans that it will be easy to get rid of them. Even with your pathetic little bunker.” Tessa’s face paled at that, and the alien chuckled. “Yes. We know all about the bunker. And we will leave it be, it poses no threat anyway.” The alien paused. “You however. You two pose a threat, however mild. So I have decided that you will be left here, in this world. It’s extremely toxic for your kind, but over long periods of time. Your end won’t be pleasant.”

At this point, Tessa and Jem were feeling extremely sick and scared. Trembling all over, heart’s shattering, hungry and thirsty, reeling with realization, but doing their best to hide all of those.

“Oh, and if you’re wondering what we’re going to do with the kids, you needn’t worry. They will live long lives, being taught all about how their parents and their friends abandoned them to be taken. They will revere us as gods, and hate you with all their hearts. They are still young, with malleable brains and changeable memories. It wouldn’t be surprising if they were to return to take revenge.” The alien stopped talking, letting the silence stretch out. As much as the parents wanted to believe that would never happen, both knew better. Years of witnessing pain and hurt for both of them had more than opened their eyes to the harsh realities of existence and the attributes of the brain.

The aliens, satisfied that they had proved their point, threw Jem and Tessa into separate cells, locked them tightly, and pocketed the key. As the group of aliens filed out of the room, they pulled large panels of rock and what appeared to be some type of strange metal in front of the door. With each sickening clang, the room was farther plunged into darkness, and Tessa and Jem drifted farther into their minds. When the last rock slab was pushed against the door, sickening silence and deadly finality descended. Tessa turned into Jem, and finally, finally, allowed herself to cry. She screamed and wailed, flailed and pounded the floor of the cell until her hands were bloody. Through all of this, Jem held her close and let her cry. He understood deep in his bones that this was the end. There were no more miracles or second chances after this.

Outside, far into the desert, a portal had been opened. The city had been emptied, with nothing but remnants left behind. Remnants, and two warlocks who would never manage to leave. The last ones through the portal were the children. The poor, confused, weeping children who wanted nothing more than to see their parents. The children that would be shaped into coldhearted murderers, the children whose emotions would be stamped out. The children who would be forced to live on the ashes of their families.

-20 years passed-

Tessa raised her head, blearily blinking her eyes. She had heard a sound outside, coming from an unknown source. It had been so long since she had heard something besides Jem… so unbearably long... Time had passed in waves and rivers, sometimes passing slowly, other times going so fast it seemed that years passed in hours. There had been some times that Tessa had wished she had died. It had been 20 long years of no food, no water. 20 long years of breathing dusty air and being stuck in one small cell. 20 long years of wondering what had happened to her daughter. 20 long years of wishing for death but not being allowed to die, preserved by whatever lingering alien magic remained.

But now, finally, the axe was falling. The door to the cellblock opened, admitting a small group of people. They appeared to be in their mid-twenties, lithe and strong, and… Tessa’s eyes widened as she realized exactly who those people must be. Jem stiffened, seemingly realizing it too. There was Rafe, tall and dark haired and stone faced and imposing. He was being shadowed by a younger boy, blue skinned and horned, with an expression of undying hate on his face. Despite everything, Tessa wanted to laugh hysterically. Even now, after so long, Max was still his older brother’s shadow. At the back of the group was Tavvy, brown haired and holding a dagger in each hand. And then, at the head of the group, was the person that would hurt the most to see. Mina. Their Mina. Looking at them with disgust and anger. That look shattered whatever remained of Tessa and Jem, and both curled up tightly, unable to face their daughter.

“Well. Look at what has become of the once mighty Tessa and Jem. Looking at you now, I’m not surprised you gave us up. You’re cowards. You and everyone else.” Tessa looked up, suddenly realizing that somebody was missing. “Where’s Kit?” she asked, already dreading the answer. Tavvy laughed, cold and empty. “I disposed of him years ago. He refused to accept the truth, so I got rid of him. He was a drag, always going on about how you loved us and tried to save us.” Tavvy looked thoughtful. “I wonder why he would do that. He was probably put up to it by you. Seems like something you’d do anyway.”

Tessa’s heart and Jem’s broke even more at that, if it was even possible. In the time where they still could converse, they agreed that Kit was their last hope. He was old enough to remember what had really happened. But it seemed like the aliens had won, again. Tavvy had been the youngest, so it made cruel sense that he would be the one that turned easiest and stayed there. Nevertheless, it hurt. So much. Turning to Max and Rafe, Tessa appealed to them with every last ounce of her soul. But she was unsuccessful. Rafe merely turned away, ignoring them. Max though, he spoke up. “You killed my dads! I hate you!” Jem attempted to speak up, but was cut off by Mina. “Enough talking! We came here to get rid of them, not to chat.” At that, she pulled out a key and unlocked the cell. Gesturing for them to get out, she withdrew a long, evil dagger from her pack.

Tessa and Jem forced themselves to their feet to exit the cell. Once they made their way out, Mina forced them to their knees, along with the phrase “Die on your knees, like the awful people you are.” Jem’s hand found Tessa’s, gripping it as tightly as he could muster. Every last memory, every last shred of love and happiness flew between them in that moment, as they kneeled, surrounded by the people who had once looked at them with love and admiration. People who know looked at them with hate, anger, and condescension. There was not a worse feeling in existence then watching love turn to hate, and joy turn to anger. There was no worse pain then being surrounded by people you loved with all your heart, knowing they wanted you dead and wouldn’t lose sleep over it. As Mina braced herself and prepared to kill them, and as the others closed ranks around them, Tessa and Jem prepared for the book of their lives to be shut.

The twisted circle of life closed as Mina shoved the dagger into Jem’s heart and let him fall limp to the floor. As Tessa wept, trembling, falling to the floor beside him, holding tight to her husband and refusing to let go. As Tessa screamed in pain and hurt as Mina ripped her mother away from her father, and looked her in the eyes. As Mina whispered, “You deserve this” and drove the dagger into Tessa’s heart as well. As Mina let her mother fall beside her father, turned and exited the room, gesturing for the others to follow.

In the end, the creeping corruption won. It won with hate and deceit and lies. It won with rage and anger and disgust. It won with murder and blood and emptiness and death. It won, as the children now adults entered a portal back. As they looked out over the cruel new world they called home, not turning back and leaving the last shards of their old life behind, stabbed in the heart, with tears still streaking their faces, the darkness finally won.

[hellreads]

Thank you for your blog it's really helpful sksjsksj anyway i don't know if you like dark themes(yandere, supernatural, psychological) but if you do what are the best fic you can recommend? Especially Jimin's? Thank you in advance ❤️❤️

hello there lovey! thank you for appreciating my blog, btw I LOVE DARK THEMED FICS and I have read a lot of stories with said theme (yandere and psychological are part of my fave reads), anyways, I will be listing below my favorites for every member, you can also check other fics on my organized shelf in case you’re looking for specific stories xxx | 🍒

Kim Namjoon

❥ Let the Villain Win by @lemonjoonah➴ Author/Yandere!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot➴ Kim Namjoon, famous author and your childhood friend has been keeping a secret from you. His new book treads on such dark themes that he’s finding it difficult to write. Excited by the prospect of a sinister plot you offer him a piece of advice, “Let the villain win…”

❥ First, Do No Harm by @psycho-slytherin➴ Doctor/Yandere!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot➴ Dr. Kim is well known as the most skilled heart surgeon in the hospital, but when you notice his mortality statistics seem skewered, you discover all is not what it seems. Now, Dr. Kim is offering you a choice: will you join him? Or become yet another broken heart beneath his scalpel?

❥ A Little Bit of Sugar (but lots of poison too) by @lthyl➴ Noir!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot➴ Namjoon is well aware that some, well actually most people could find his hobby not exactly common, yet he still considers himself to be a man of tasteful words and higher intellect - someone who managed to understand the true, deepest meaning of beauty itself.

Kim Seokjin

❥ A Portrait’s Whisper by @jimlingss➴ Supernatural!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot➴ When you’re trapped in a house controlled by a witch’s power, Seokjin will go through every means to search for you again.

❥ Cake by yeyeniejjung➴ Killer/Yandere!AU | Seokjin x Reader | Series➴ “I was always hungry for your love. Just once, I wanted to know what is was like to get my fill of it. I wanted to be fed so much love that I couldn’t take it anymore, just once.”

Min Yoongi

❥ Dead Leaves by wrienne➴ Police/Det!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jimin | Series➴ In which you (reader) are a homicide detective about to face the biggest hurdle both of your career and life.

Married to probably the kindest but most boring man you’ve ever met and living in a town where nothing ever seems to happen means life for you is dull. Dull enough to drive you crazy with boredom and dissatisfaction. However, life changes abruptly when your old boss retires and a new man takes his place - a man you used to love (and sleep very regularly with) more than a decade ago. Especially when your husband comes home smelling of perfume, you’re unable to resist your more carnal urges and dead women start showing up across the city with unnerving frequency.

Jung Hoseok

❥ Lost and Found by @fortunexkookie➴ Peter Pan!AU | Hoseok x Reader | Series➴ The only hope you had at ending your exile and earning your life back came in the form of an infuriating and uncatchable man: Hoseok. He seemed to love the endless game of cat-and-mouse you two played - so much, in fact, that you were unsure if you were the cat or the mouse. What he failed to realize was that there was a third player, and this one wasn’t after him. The Crocodile hunted you with an intensity that rivaled the way you chased Hoseok, but with one difference: the games he played were deadly.

❥ Taken at Dusk by @yeontanismypresident➴ Hybrid/Yandere!AU | Hoseok x Reader x Jungkook | Series ➴ The moment you sauntered into the party, his gaze was locked in on your form. Everywhere you went, his eyes followed along, not wanting to lose you in the huge crowd of sweaty bodies. There was something about you that drove his instincts wild. Was it your scent? Your attitude? The manner in which you held yourself? He didn’t have a clue and he couldn’t have cared less, so long as you were his and his only. And he would do anything to make that happen.

❥ Red Door, Yellow Door by @polaritae➴ Supernatural/Incubus!AU | Seokjin x Reader x Hoseok | One-Shot➴ In hindsight, maybe going into a trance to communicate with the spirit world was a bad idea.

Park Jimin

❥ Eradicate by @gukptune➴ Purge!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ A hotel intern finds himself trapped between death and lust.

❥ Neighbors by @jkeuphoriadreamland➴ Neighbors/Yandere!AU | Jimin x Reader | Series➴ Finally achieving your successes in life you never expected the distraction that came with your new hot neighbor. He however, had been trying to get your attention for a much different reason.

❥ Otherworldly by @sinning-on-a-sunday➴ Coraline!AU | Jimin x Reader | Two-Shot➴ When you discover a tiny door in your home that leads to a much better version of your own life, it seems too good to be true. little do you know, the man posing as your boyfriend may be a lot more dangerous than you care to admit. and he is not intent on letting you leave.

❥ The Uncanny by sinsirella➴ Stalker/Yandere!AU | Jimin x Reader | Series➴ “The uncanny is the psychological experience of something as strangely familiar, rather than simply mysterious.” An everyday object or occurrence can be experienced as something unsettling and alienated. This is accompanied by a discomforting effect and—most of the time—leads to an outright rejection of said subject. Or Someone.(Y/N) is a young girl whose Life turns upside down. One day her mother surprises her with news of her arranged husband, forcing her into her new chaotic lifestyle. Join her journey and experience her new life through her eyes. Will she get along with her husband? Or someone else? What are they hiding?

❥ Nine-One-One by @yminie➴ Det/Killer!AU | Jimin x Reader | Series➴ When murder and crime threaten the city of Seoul, there’s a team in place to help keep the public safe, but just what do you do when all your training is to help others, and the one that needs help is actually you?

❥ Devotion by @sugaxjpg➴ Angel/Demon!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ As an angel questioning your place in Heaven, the last thing you needed was for someone like him to appear.

❥ The Devil’s Own Luck by @jimlingss​➴ Demon!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ You should’ve known that opening that box would’ve made your luck go rotten. And not only that, but a certain demon would end up following you for the rest of your days. Introducing the devilish boy - Jimin! Your childhood best friend from the underworld who will never leave your side!

Kim Taehyung ( I read a lot of dark fics for Taehyung so just check my shelf)

❥ Beastly Gods by @lemonjoonah​➴ Hybrid/Yandere!AU | Taehyung x Reader | One-Shot➴ ‘Don’t leave the forest,’ a rule that you’ve been forced to follow since birth, but you are tired of living in this wooden cage. Out of desperation you cut a deal with Taehyung, who claims to be the only one who can get you out safely, even though he might be just as dangerous as the god you’re trying to escape.

❥ Minutiae by coconutty ➴ Stalker!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series➴ Y/N meets a mysterious and alluring photographer and wants to interview him. Along the way things start getting a bit strange. What happens when you draw the attention of someone who always gets what they want?

❥ L’Appel Du Vide by @infireation​➴ Killer!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series➴ //

Jeon Jungkook (I read a lot of JK dark fics too so pls just check my shelf)

❥ Only You by @sweetbunnykook (+ all of her stories!!!)➴ Lovers/Yandere!AU | Jungkook x Reader x Namjoon x Jin | Series➴ Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.

❥ Every Breath You Take by @junqkook​➴ Stalker/Yandere!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series➴ Everything was going great when you first met jeon jungkook. he was a new light in your life with soft smiles and tinkling laughs; but then you noticed a lurking presence that seemed to follow you wherever you went.

❥ Lust by @umitae➴ Stalker/Killer!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series➴ Everybody has a lust for something. but his lust was beyond the ordinary one. his lust for you was out of this world. he only wanted you and in order to make you his, everything had to go his way.

OT7 (so all possible dark tags apply to these stories so please please please check all tags and warnings before reading!!!)

❥ Extreme Obsession by saylilirose➴ Psychological/Poly!AU | OT7 x Reader | Series➴ In life, you meet one person that you live and grow old with. You? You meet seven. But your love? Non-existent. But theirs? Real…and obsessive.Which turns deadly and dangerous. Without hesitation.

❥ The Scarlet Lust by infires_fanfic➴ Vampire!AU | OT7 x Reader | Series➴ Your world becomes turned upside down as a series of unfortunate events places you directly in the hands of a clan of blood-thirsty vampires, where you become their one and only human servant. Filled with uncertainty, strange emotions and many questions, what truths will you uncover? Are your new keepers the intimate form of evil incarnate, or is there humanity hidden beneath the surface of their statuesquely beautiful faces?

[owxanimorphs]

Before the Re-read the Animorphs

Okay before I begin my re-read this is my thoughts on the main cast based on my memory of the last times I read the books (which varies between a few months ago for some and several years for others)

Let's get the hard one out of the way first. I'll start with my thoughts on Cassie. I make no secret that Cassie is the only Animorph I actively dislike. In a way it is tragic because as I've said before Cassie had potential as a character. A character with a very black and white viewpoint and a strong desire to stick to their point of view no matter the cost being confronted with the messy nature or war could have been a gold mine for interesting story lines. Instead Cassie is cast as the voice of morality and the conscience of the group which is a role she is absolutely terrible at. Because in the end she's no more moral than the rest of them (arguably actively even less moral) and her being right is more a function of being creators pet than any real logical story progression. Things work out for her because the creators say even when it breaks the story or contradicts established facts.

In Essence everything wrong with Cassie is everything wrong with the books as a whole which makes her a pretty big example of what not to do in writing. However, even if you ignore all that and focus only her personality she is still lacking. When first introduced Cassie is your typical childish self centered idealist. She puts great value on the things she cares about and tries not to thinka bout things that contradict that view point. Then she doens't really change she's a static character.

There is one redeeming factor about Cassie that is interesting but since it was unintentional I can't give complete credit to the creators for it. Cassie is a perfect example of everything wrong with Empathy as a stand in for goodness. Cassie is actually a very empathic character but she is also a very selfish character. Once she empathises with someone they become "Good" in her mind and she'll bend over backwards to justify making decisions that would negatively effect folks she isn't empathising with. It also informs how she is determined to stay in others good graces and only fights them when she can play the martyr.  Which reminds me of my wish that David had stuck around longer and been a foil to Cassie for a while because they really are starkly similar characters in most regards except Cassie has an almost over developed sense of Empathy (to the point she can be okay with horrendous shit if she empathizes with the ones doing it) and David has almost none outside of the things he cares out.  They are both also able to manipulate people to get what they want. And they read people very well to keep in their good graces or really hurt them if they piss them off enough.

But that isn't what this post is about so to sum up my view on Cassie is that she had potential but what we got was a horrendous character and the biggest disappointment of the books.

Now let's move onto another hard one to talk about and that is Tobias. When I first read the books oh so long ago I way over identified with Tobias but then I was a messed up lonely kid so it's not that surprising. Looking back on them as an adult it flew over my head back then how utterly fucked up Tobias is. This is not a healthy kid even before he got stuck as a hawk. Tobias was clearly already borderline suicidal even before the hawk thing and afterwards it and everything else in many ways turned into a much slower long and detailed decline into an early death. Tobias hated himself so he chose to give up all humanity forever. Which brings us to the problem with Tobias and that is the narrative never acknowledges how fucked up his situation is. Sure some of the other characters come close but they never fully grasp it.Tobias is in many ways one of the other great disappointments of the books because early on they clearly drop hints that he has a major role to play in things to the point where the freaking Ellimist preserves his existence by bending space time twice once to keep him around and then to ensure the animorphs happened and then the plot line is abandoned in favor of creators pet Cassie being the most important and special.

Now I love stories where the chosen one isn't that chosen after all but that needs to be intended from the beginning when you heavily lay on the foreshadowing that this is going to be an important element you need to address it. Instead the potential story line just peters out in a way that doesn't amount to anything not even a subversion. Tobias then sticks around to be a general misery magnet and to have the most unhealthy relationship possible with Rachel.

I mean I know stories change direction in production and over time and some times that leads to better stories and some times it leads to obvious dropped plot lines and a general degrading of quality. Animorphs sadly is in the second category.  Part of it of course was the real world rush to churn out the books for Schoolastic but parts of it were clearly the writers getting a bit too enamored of their pets and how they wanted things to end.

I'm getting off topic again. My view on Tobias is that he's an interesting character and one that you can pity but man is that boy fucked up.

Now let's move onto Ax the Andalite Animorph and the other one besides Cassie and Tobias who ends up kind of one note. Ax plays an interesting role since hes alien and the books do a good job of showing an alien viewpoint. Far better in his case than many of the other aliens. It helps that he's basically a slacker alien who was a poor student and probably only got brung along on the ship because his big brother pulled some strings.  

Ax is also a prime example of another time when the potential of the story gets left by the way side. Ax's torn loyalties should have come up more than they did and should have had more lasting repercussions. Way too often he'll get reduced to joke one note status when he should be figuring into things more. I don't have much more to say about him since I really remember as liking him but thinking he was wasted several times.

And now we'll move onto Marco a character who when I first read the books annoyed the crap out of me but as I grew older grew on me a great deal. Marco is a wonderful example of a character who can be obnoxious to protect themselves and despite being the other creators pet he is allowed to actually change in ways that are both good and bad so he's not another Cassie. The fact he's even allowed to disagree with her at least temporarily and call her on her BS very rarely also helps. Marco is also very realistic in that he reacts like many people would and for a lot of folks it would take somethign that affected them personally to make them fight as hard as the kids had to end up fighting.

Of course there is still one irritating thing about Marco and that's how he's often forced into the role of the complainer is wrong some times for the others (esp Cassie) to be right. It's a role he shares wtih Rachel she'll suggest the violent solution so it can be rejected and he'll suggested the better strategic solution but it'll be rejected for being wrong.

So final thoughts on Marco slightly annoying at times but very realistic and really grows on you.

Now let's talk about Rachel and this is the character whose fate pisses me off the most. I have no problem with character death in a story but Rachel's death is treated by the creators as necessary and it bleeds into the narrative abit and that really pisses me off.  She's also unfortunately the one who gets the most chaotic characterization as depending on teh writer how aggressive she is varies. Not to mention the books that paint her as a control freak. Of course you can hand wave it as the stress getting to her in different less pretty ways but that raises it's own problems with with how the narrative treats her. She's often also used as a foil to shill for Cassie and that bugs me. She and her cousin get the most discussion of Cassie's moral superiority though everyone gets a turn on it.  

And what is really sad is that she only gets to really call out Cassie and the others very rarely even though they are some of the most satisfying moments in the entire series. She's right when she calls out that the others need her to be the blood thirsty one. She's actually someone clearly sacrificing for the greater good but the narrative treats her as a blood knight. It really pisses me off and while her relationship with Tobias isn't even remotely healthy it makes a lot of sense because the others treat her as damaged and thanks to his neediness he'll never look at her as a monster like the others tend to do to make themselves feel better.

I'll make one final observation and that's that poor Rachel may have died twice in the series the first time being the starfish incident. Cause the Rachel that was split in half would never exist again. The two Rachels may have been re-merged but they had each had time to begin to diverge so what was formed out of them would be a new Rachel. Hell a lot of her issues later in the series could have been a direct result of that and it would make perfect sense.

Final thoughts on Rachel she deserved so much better and was probably one of the more selfless animorphs but gets written off by the narrative as just a blood knight too damaged to live.

Now let's move onto Jake who is actually my favorite character. I know a lot of folks find him boring and generic at first but that's exactly why he's the character that interest me the most because even more than the others he was just a kid when this mess started. You can see the seeds of who everyone else turned out to be in who they were at the start but Jake was just a kid who was slightly more mature and better able to mediate.  That got him forced into the leadership Role and from there for good or ill that's the role he got stuck with. Like Rachel he became exactly what the others needed him to be and at times it wasn't pretty.  

I mean it's so easy to picture how the others would have turned out, Cassie would have ended up one of those activist who says a lot of good things but is very much a walking illustration of perfect is the enemy of good with her probably doing more harm than help to her causes by turning folks off with her my way or the highway stance.  Rachel would have excelled at whatever chosen path she took with incredible zeal and bending herself to be what folks in her life needed. Ax would have lived in the shadow of his brother as a semi competent warrior at best, Tobias would have remained very fucked up and Marco would have done what it took to not be poor and mask all his hurts with laughter and entertaining folks.  Jake on the other hand is the one that just sort of was. He could end up really generic or find something he's good at and make it his life.

Instead he was given the role of responsibility and for the most part he carried the burden though his putting Cassie on a pedestal constantly was one part character flaw and one part character shilling by the creators. It was a realistic flaw he liked her and wanted her to like him. That was very human and relatable but his constant support for some of her more stupid moments crossing the line into plot induced stupidity.

One part that is really sad is that he's often compared with Elfangor and the narrative takes the appraoch that he falls short but honestly to me Jake comes off as more of a success than Elfangor and I wish the narrative acknowledged it. Of course I'll share my thoughts on Elfangor in another post.

There is more I could go into but this post has gotten long enough for now so final Thoughts on Jake generic kid forced to grow up even faster than others. Has an irritating blind spot when it comes to Cassie but over all my favorite of the kids.

[scientificphilosopher]

Mental Health and General Life Advice Gained Over the Years

Here is a list of some things I’ve learned over the years that have, I think, helped me live a better life

Be flexible in my narrative. When I say things like ‘I’m just an anxious person,’ or ‘I suck at confrontation,’ then I risk fixing onto this narrative rather than managing it in a healthy way. I become unwilling to recognize instances where I’m not anxious. I ignore opportunities for growth. Instead, I find it better to foster a flexible narrative. I know it’s important to acknowledge, normalize, and even embrace my identities, but I don’t want to mistake an aspect of my identity for my identity wholesale. I’m not my anxiety. Rather, I struggle with anxiety. I’m not Depression. Rather, depression has had a formative influence on my sense of self. This, too, goes for my social identities. Identities are real, and they have very real impacts on our world and our experience, but they are not everything. To paraphrase James Baldwin, identities are like garments that ought to be worn loosely so that our nakedness—and ability to change—can still be felt.

Steep in my fallibility. The more I’ve learned about my personal fallibility—which is prodigious—the healthier my relationships and general approach to the world has become. Embracing my tendency to be biased and make mistakes has, I hope, fostered a strong sense of humility. Thank goodness, since this world is messy and complex as shit, and we are often—so very, very often—wrong about things. Or at least overly-simplistic. And because things are so goddamn complicated, it can be hard, even impossible, to see nuance. Our limited and parochial natures can lead us to ignore complexity, especially if that complexity doesn’t cast a favorable light on our beliefs about the world. I’ve developed an almost fetishistic obsession with learning about cognitive biases and the seemingly infinite number of ways my psychology leads me astray (as evidenced by the persistent string of posts I’ve made on it, like here, here, here, here, and here). Paradoxically, fully embracing and seeking out my fallibility has led me to have a much deeper understanding of the world around me. As Simone de Beauvoir says, ‘It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our life that we must draw our strength to live and our reason for acting.’ My genuine condition is that of a mistake-prone, biased, and mercurial ape. (And that’s pretty cool.)

Get in touch with the messiness. Why is it important to have a flexible narrative and to embrace our fallibility? Because shit’s complex! Incredibly, intensely, bone-chillingly, awe-inspiringly complex. Our brains have evolved as taxonomy machines where we carve up the world and separate everything into nice and neat little boxes. If only things could be so simple. As it so happens, though, the world is, as William James wrote, ‘multitudinous beyond imagination, tangled, muddy, painful and perplexed.’ I have found it to be very helpful to reflect on the complexity of everything, even the seemingly simple and straightforward. 

Mindfulness exercises. ‘Mindfulness’ has, like ‘empathy,’ become a pop-psych buzzword over the last several years. This is partly because mindfulness is a very potent tool. It can fundamentally alter our day-to-day existence. There is no shortage of ancient schools of wisdom that have prescribed mindfulness as key to a meaningful existence. I’m partial to David Foster Wallace’s construction of mindfulness when he said that it is the true aim of a good education. With mindfulness we cultivate the power to choose where to focus our mental energies, to choose what has meaning and what does not. With practice, ‘it will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.’ In short, continued Wallace, ‘you get to decide what to worship.’

Thinking about thankfulness. Gratitude exercises are a form of mindfulness I’ve found to be especially beneficial. When I have the mental energy to do so, I try to get creative about my gratitude. I try to find gratitude in the mundane, the trivial, the invisible. It’s much too easy to be grateful for grand adventures and emotionally rewarding escapades. It can be much more difficult—but equally meaningful—to find gratitude in the humdrum, or to appreciate the infinite number of shitty things that didn’t happen to me, or to embrace the vast confluence of luck that has led me to this single moment of unadorned contentedness. This is another subject I’ve written about to a near-obnoxious extent (see some here, here, here, here, and here). I sometimes feel reservations recommending gratitude exercises, since, when things are really awful, as they so often are, it can feel patronizing and hurtful to have someone tell you that you should just be grateful. This is not my intention. The world is capricious and fucked up, far more often than it should be. This is why I try to access gratitude in the moments where things are okay. I try to seize moments of grace and calm and squeeze out those drops of thankfulness. This can add water to the reservoir that I will need to pull from when I’m thirsty and in pain. In my better moments, then, I can find gratitude, or some semblance or peace or perspective, even when I’m suffering. I can, as Nietschze wrote, ‘throw roses in to the abyss and say: “Here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.”’ And, ultimately, this has helped me get to a place where I can, more often than not, remain in a ‘contented dazzlement of surprise,’ to use Lewis Thomas’ turn of phrase.

Me and everyone I love will die. You know what else I’m grateful for? This breath. And this one. And this one. It’s pretty wild to be alive, to be a self-aware extension of nature itself. What a stunning convergence of necessary circumstance needed to randomly grant me such a privilege. And, just as it came, so it will go. Randomly and inexorably. Death awaits. There is no stopping it. Dark, suffocating, oblivion. This can be scary, of course. But it’s also motivating and contextualizing. Death is not yet here, after all. And that makes each and every breath, smile, kiss, and laugh a priceless cosmic treasure. Indeed, it is precisely because of our limited time that life is so meaningful. Emily Dickinson, as she was wont to do, summed it up eloquently when she said, ‘That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.’

I am not free. At the very least, I am not free in the way I’ve long thought. I am a physical being, subject to the laws of nature, of cause and effect. My thoughts are not authored by some mystical volition or unrestrained willpower. I am thoroughly restrained. I am, indeed, destined to write this sentence from the very moment the cosmos silently but extravagantly whispered itself into life. Some people recoil from this idea, thinking that if our thoughts and actions are determined by external factors, then life is meaningless, and change is futile. These conclusions do not follow. Change is occurring constantly. Our actions have consequences. What we do chaotically reverberates into our surroundings. We are determined, but not fated. We have power, even if it is not free. Instead of catastrophizing and fearing the implications of our lack of freedom, I like to reflect on what this means for how I treat myself and others. A lack of freedom motivates in me a deep sense of compassion. It demands forgiveness for both my mistakes and those of others. None of us asked to be here. We are, as Heidegger said, thrown into existence, awoken to a set of determined circumstance. I am the type of person who has been able to receive an education, to have supportive loved ones, to have a functioning moral compass, a disposition for moving and meaningful emotional experiences, and to want to work to make the world a better place. But I didn’t choose to be or have any of this. This is all luck, luck, luck. From my country of birth to my balding head and hairy back to every last neuronal blast fashioning my inner life—not one atom or twist of the genetic braid was chosen exclusively by me. So, if I find myself as the type of person who doesn’t want to harm others, who doesn’t have unmanageable compulsions, who doesn’t suffer from debilitating isolation, who isn’t disproportionately oppressed by the unconscious machinations of social systems, then this, like everything and all of it, is luck, luck, luck.

Interpersonal stuff. I’ve been very lucky to have had resources in my life, including access to healthcare, a support system, and loved ones who happen to be badass psychologists and counselors. I’ve gleaned invaluable life advice from these dear friends of mine. And thank the cosmos, as such advice has proven to profoundly improve my interpersonal relationships. A couple of quick ones: avoid ‘Shoulding’ on people. When I’m upset and in pain, I typically desire a compassionate and patient ear rather than practical advice. When people come at me with ‘Well, you should do this…’ I often just feel misunderstood or further alienated. Even worse is the ‘Nike Advice,’ where someone says ‘Just do such and such…’ This often feels invalidating because if it were a matter of ‘Just’ doing something, I would’ve already done it. Things are rarely so simple. Similarly, I’ve found it helpful to listen rather than problem-solve. I will commiserate and look for solutions if that is what the person asks for, but usually, I will try to be simply present for the other person, to sit with their pain and offer my compassion and understanding. 

Meta-advice. Here’s some advice on my advice: take it with a fat, ballpark-sized soft-pretzel’s worth of salt. I am a philosopher, not a psychologist. I try to be very science- and research-driven, and I’ve been lucky to enough to draw from the hard-earned wisdom of other experts, but, nonetheless, I am not an expert myself. I try to live well. I try to be smart and kind and humble and patient, and I often fail. I am human, all-too-human. This is simply meant to be a sloppily-rendered summary of some helpful pieces of anecdotal advice I’ve gathered on my never-ending journey toward eudaimonia. Nothing more. It is non-exhaustive (this post is, like me after a night at home with a book and a DiGiornio, far too bloated), and I’m sure I’ll regret leaving out many pieces of pivotal information. But the above advice has (so far) been useful in my life. This does not mean it will be helpful for everyone. I hope, at least, that it would not be harmful. Do with it what you will, my friends, and good luck.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 92: Monster Reunion

“I have to try.”

The tragedy of Nephrite is Steven Universe’s longest side story, beginning with the very first episode and concluding five years later in the final episode of the show’s original run. How we feel about Nephrite at any given time indicates how we’re made to feel about Corrupted Gems as a whole at that point in the show. After Gem Glow, they’re monsters of the week. After Monster Buddies, they’re innocent but violent victims of...something. And after Monster Reunion, we know what that something is.

Ninety-two episodes in, we know of Yellow and Blue Diamond. We know they’re part of a a group called Great Diamond Authority, acting as Gem Matriarchs. We’ve seen an artistic representation of a third Diamond on the Moon Base. We’ve seen a four-part symbol with a white, yellow, blue, and pink diamond united as one. We got a hint of their musical cue as the Gems abandoned Earth in a flashback. And because the Diamonds are in charge, we also know that they’re responsible for some terrible things, from the forced fusion of Gem Shards to seeking of destruction of planets not only for reproduction, but revenge. The information is dripping in, and these Gems are shaping up to be the villains of the series, and thanks to that knowledge, all it takes is one sketch to emphasize their most heinous crime.

This is the episode where the horror of corruption sinks in, in the same way Keeping It Together reveals the horror of Cluster Gems. The Mother Centipeetle was a monster, and Centi was a pet, but this version trying desperately to communicate before she loses her sanity again is a person. She has memories spanning millennia but was trapped by her mind and her body by her own leaders. After a string of Beach City episodes with purely personal stakes, Monster Reunion’s depiction of a personal struggle representing an atrocity affecting a planet’s worth of Gems hits like a freight train. This isn’t just something the Diamonds did to their enemies: Nephrite, alongside countless other Corrupted Gems caught in the crossfire, was loyal to Homeworld, but that meant nothing.

Between the Cluster Gems and the Corrupted Gems, the Diamonds prove that they’re not content with just destroying the bodies of their opponents, but the souls of anyone that inconveniences them. We’ll learn a bit more about it in Nephrite’s fourth episode, Legs from Here to Homeworld, where it seems this corruption was unintentional (or at least unknown by Blue and Yellow Diamond), but Monster Reunion galvanized me against the Diamonds in a way no other episode has, and it does this by giving us a single, concrete character to sympathize with.

This is the second time this season Raven Molisee and Paul Villeco have given Steven an extensive conversation with an entity incapable of full communication, but unlike Gem Drill, Nephrite allows these artists to fully utilize their gift for character animation to tell their story. Molisee’n’Villeco episodes are distinguished by more exaggerated expressions than usual (see: the first act of Coach Steven, the climax of Rose’s Scabbard, Amethyst throughout Reformed, Steven-as-Lars in The New Lars), and that makes all the difference in enhancing our ability to relate with a growling alien cyclops bug. We don’t need words to tell us when Nephrite is scared, happy, curious, angry, or sad (we don’t even need tears to tell us that last one, but oof are they effective), and we’re able to empathize with her on a primal level thanks to her vivid expressions.

The other half of the Nephrite formula is master vocalist Dee Bradley Baker, who’s already performed as every Corrupted Gem in the series, as well as Lion. Baker’s prolific ability to give life to non-human characters make him virtually impossible to overrate, and he uses that gift to convey comprehensible communication from Nephrite with nothing but chirps and squawks. This is so much more effective than the cacophony of voices from the Cluster, allowing for an actual conversation of sorts between Steven and Nephrite. 

This would be a very different episode if Nephrite was still just Centi from Monster Buddies, and we have Molisee, Villeco, and Baker to thank. It’s not enough to feel bad for an animal in pain again: we need to see, for lack of a better term, the human suffering of it all. And I feel so bad for this woman who doesn’t even get to have a real name for another sixty-one episodes.

The conversation itself centers around a terrific use of flashback. As Steven reminds Nephrite (and the audience, because it’s been a while since Monster Buddies) of their history, we get depictions of the past that fully resemble Steven’s experiences. But Nephrite can’t talk, so we don’t even get the simplified silhouettes that accompanied stories from Garnet in The Answer or Lapis in Same Old World. We get crayons and stick figures, the most childish means of communicating, that slowly gain animation as the story picks up. 

Steven’s narration is a constant reminder that Nephrite doesn’t have a voice of her own, and that we’re getting bits and pieces of what actually happened. She can still sing along with him in her own way, and performs a flawless diamond salute, but can’t tell Steven the name of her commander, or how she felt about her crew, or any actual tales of the war. Honestly the most telling image is Nephrite’s very first picture, revealing that she sees herself as herself despite having never met Steven in that body. This is a sentient person, and we’re made to understand that before she reverts to a monster.

Allowing her to reunite with her crew is a brilliant move, because the show needs her to lose, but it would be unspeakably cruel to not give her anything in the process. We don’t get a happy ending, but we don’t wallow in bleakness either, and that’s a hard needle to thread when the subject matter is this horrendous. There are certainly real-world analogues to Nephrite’s plight, namely dementia and PTSD, but Monster Reunion benefits from being ultra-specific to the show’s lore instead of focusing on the same sort of allegory they did in Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service and will do in Alone at Sea. When the lead character can’t talk and we’re dealing with this much character and plot work, going for a lesson beyond the general value of mercy would’ve probably made the episode collapse.

This is a fascinating episode in regards to Steven’s maturity, because beyond the use of crayons, he goes hard on the cute angle to manipulate the Crystal Gems in a way that seems to undermine his growing maturity; for reference, we’re an episode away from a story about the aftermath of abusive relationships. This childishness is especially interesting when you consider this is where he gets his healing powers back, a sign of his growing power. We see him casually float up to grab Nephrite’s bubble, and he’s an old pro at warping without assistance. All signs point to this being a more developed Steven than his puppy-dog eyes might indicate, and that might be the point.

I don’t want to speak to the writers’ intent given how far away Pool Hopping is, but Garnet’s inability to properly predict the future here is caused by the same problem she has in that episode: she’s seeing the likely outcomes of a Steven who’s still a child. True, there’s also the matter of all three of his guardians reverting to a lighter version of their stubbornness from Monster Buddies given their bias against Corrupted Gems, but I can’t help but think that Garnet would’ve been cool with the outcome we get had she seen it coming. It’s understandable that she might not have been able to predict Steven’s capacity to help, and that the only outcome of freeing Nephrite was mutual suffering.

We’re past the halfway point in Season 3, and are thus nearing the conclusion of the show’s second fifty-odd episode chunk. Major plot elements are winding down in anticipation of the life-altering story that Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond, and one of them is the idea of Steven acting like a little kid. This is the last time we’re going to see him act this way at length, even as a ploy, because even though he’s still a kid in Season 4 and beyond, he’s a young teenager who actually feels like a teenager somewhat consistently.

We also get a subtle premonition of Amethyst’s imminent focus, as she’s twice admonished by Pearl for making fun of Nephrite even though she’s not making fun of Nephrite either time. The feuding days of Amethyst and Pearl are long over, but there’s still a power dynamic between them that Monster Reunion quietly reignites. And Garnet is still in charge, ordering Amethyst to poof Nephrite in a way that’s frankly a bit uncharacteristic. Maybe it’s because we haven’t seen an actual fight with the three Gems working as an unfused team since Catch and Release (heck, we haven’t seen a fight against a Corrupted Gem since the Slinker in Reformed, unless you count the big crab in Rising Tides, Crashing Skies), but it sounds strange for Garnet to give a direct attack command. Amethyst is shown here to be the lowest-ranking Crystal Gem, not counting Steven, and this means everything to the season’s final arc.

There are certain things I would’ve loved to see as a fan thirsty for information, namely an actual translation of Nephrite’s writings. But it’s not as if we don’t get the picture(s) from her "conversation” with Steven, and eleven minutes isn’t enough time to tell this story and inject worldbuilding through text. It’s frustrating to not have all the answers, and a common complaint of Steven as a character is his lack of follow-up questions, but in this case he clearly knows the gist, and there’s no reason to think he couldn’t have gotten Pearl to translate offscreen if he was still interested.

So I’m glad we instead got a searing character-centric story that hurts enough that I almost never watch this episode. It takes a while, and it nearly costs Steven everything, but thank goodness we finally get justice for Nephrite.

Future Vision!

Our next chapter in Nephrite’s story is Legs from Here to Homeworld, where we finally learn that she’s a nephrite, that her commander was a hessonite, and that Blue and Yellow Diamond might not have been as intentionally malicious as we thought despite the abominable consequences. It’s crazy how important Nephrite ends up being, essentially paving the way for the Diamonds to begin reforming through Steven wanting to cure her and other Corrupted Gems.

Steven’s desire to write “I’m sorry” in Gem Scribble as he looks at the image of three diamonds, with hindsight, seems to indicate some subconscious knowledge of his indirect culpability in Nephrite’s corruption. Or he doesn’t at all and it’s just a coincidence.

Nephrite uses a white crayon to depict the Corruption Song, indicating White Diamond’s greater responsibility, and ultimately White Diamond’s key role in healing the damage.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Monster Reunion isn’t an episode I love to watch, because I don’t love to watch depictions of unbearable anguish, but it’s still an episode I love. Like Cry For Help, its sheer quality makes up for my infrequent rewatching.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

(No official promo art, but artist Jonathan Traynor's haunting sketch does just fine.) 

[nancywheelxr]

1 for the ways to say "I love you", with Winndox

Hey! Okay, this is by far my favorite prompt list, so thank you.

(  1 -  Holding their hands when they are shaking )

Winn knew from the moment he left that nothing would be the same when he came back. Like, he had no delusions thinking nothing would change.

But a country in the brink of a civil war is so not what he had expected.

Seriously, is no one worried about the whole Nazi vibe going on here?

And Supergirl being fired, what’s up with that?

There is so much going on, it’s terribly overwhelming in the worst possible way, and Winn feels like he’s always struggling to catch up before something bad happens. Except, it’s already kinda happening, isn’t it?

“As you all know, effective immediately, it will be tolerated nothing but full transparency from all government agencies,” Colonel Haley, or, as Winn prefers to call her, Colonel Umbridge, announces, and he sees Alex clenching her jaw beside her. “That being said, this is not a witch hunt. I do not want to fire any more agents, what happened with Supergirl is an exception, not the rule.”

Is she for real? Winn scoffs, rolling his eyes, because this is the definition of a witch hunt, okay? It doesn’t stop being one just because she went up there and said so, that’s not how this works. Alex glares at him, and fine, yeah, stay on the down low, he knows. But man, he saved the future, he fought Brainy’s evil family, okay, he should get more than a get back to work from Umbridge over there.

Talking about Brainy, Winn glances at him, standing stiffly beside him. He’s still using his personal image inducer, and his hands are clenched at his side like he’s trying very hard to keep them that way. Winn sort of gets why he decided to stay a little longer, why Brainy would want to see this through, Alex did tell him what happened at the pizza place, after all, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stand here and watch with worry nagging at him to do something.

( Something like maybe stay inside Winn’s apartment, locked safely inside with blankets and hot chocolate and anything else Brainy might possibly want, watching movies until the world goes back to normal. )

But that’s not the kind of thing Winn likes to dwell on.

Because here’s the thing, Winn doesn’t have exactly a great track with crushes. Or timing, for that matter. Look at this time around, he went to the future! While Brainy stayed in the past! Like some goddamn space odyssey, it’s ridiculous really.

“But,” Colonel Haley continues like she isn’t about to dig herself a deeper grave, “on the spirit of transparency and good faith, any and all alien employees must come forward until the end of the day. Your contract will not be terminated, you will only be required to wear this on your right shoulder,” she holds up a red patch for them all to see, “so the public can know what you are.”

Okay, this is just– they’re not even trying to hide it anymore! “Isn’t this dangerous?” And shit, right, he hadn’t meant to speak out loud, but now the Colonel is watching him like a particularly blood-thirsty hawk and the words are still spilling from his mouth because Winn has never been really good at being quiet. “For them, I mean. With this whole Agent of Liberty thing going on?”

Alex is fiercely glaring at him like never before, if looks could kill, Winn would be so, so dead by now. She glares some more, before turning to her superior, a not very good fake smile on her face. “What Agent Schott meant to ask, ma’am, is if we wouldn’t be encouraging extremist actions with things like this?”

That’s one way to put it, Winn supposes. Colonel Haley scoffs, dismissive, “not at all. With Agent of Liberty in custody, his organization is over. We cut off the head, now we let it bleed out on its own.” She smiles with a mouth full of sharp teeth that glint in the artificial light, “it’s a right of every citizen to know who is working on their government. Besides, it will be good press, won’t it? If they see an alien saving their life?”

The last sentence is said so flippantly that Winn can see Alex going through all five stages of grief and using up all her strength to stop herself from throttling their oh-so-dear superior officer.

“You’re all dismissed,” she waves them off, calling back before stalking to her office, “and remember– until the end of the day, agents.”

The door slams shut, echoing like a gunshot.

Everyone more or less scatters, going back to their stations like nothing’s wrong, and it makes Winn feel a tiny bit better when he glimpses Alex marching down after military Umbridge with hellfire in her eyes and brimstone on her steps.

A crashing sound beside him snaps Winn back to reality. “My apologies,” Brainy hastily throws his way, bending down to pick up a fallen– yeah, no, Winn has no idea what that is. He’s going with ‘random piece of tech’. “I seem to be a little clumsy today.”

Brainy isn’t very good at making up things on the spot, and even if his fingers hadn’t been shaking so noticeably as he places the cube-shaped thing back on his desk, his face would still be as see-through as glass. For someone who’s part-robot, Brainy has a terrible poker face.

Or maybe, Winn is just good at knowing him.

“Hey,” he says, sitting down heavily in the chair beside him, spinning until he can face Brainy and their knees are touching. “You okay, man?”

“What? Oh, yes. Yes, I am, thank you,” Brainy nods, but his eyes follow Winn’s gaze, darting quickly back up, and his hands wrap around the cube as if the anxiety wouldn’t exist as long as they didn’t see the shaking. “Now if you don’t mind, I have a few things I need to work on–”

“Brainy,” Winn starts, pausing to look around, check if anyone’s listening in, but no one’s paying attention to them. Still, he lowers his voice anyway. God knows these walls have freakishly good ears. “Look, I know things are scary right now, and Colonel Haley is really going for the whole fascist dictator thing, but you don’t have to be fine all the time, okay? No one’s gonna blame you for being freaked out.”

There’s a moment of silence where Brainy doesn’t say anything, looking down at the cube on his hands like it holds the answer for all of their questions. “I– thank you,” he finally says, clearing his throat before whispering back, “I will admit I have not decided yet on the best course of action, because, you see, I believe the Colonel got a hold of something to disrupt out personal image inducers. If this is true, then perhaps coming forward would be preferable.”

Shit. That’s– that’s fucked up on a whole new level. “What? Oh my– oh my god. Is that even legal? And didn’t Lena fix whatever bug it had to make it hacker-proof?”

“Yes,” Brainy nods, scanning the room again for eavesdroppers, and leans in closer, “she did, and we already went over the code twice since then. There is no way to bypass security. No, whatever this is, it must work in a different way.”

Winn frowns, ignoring the fluttering going on somewhere between his heart and his guts. “Maybe, if we figure out how this thing works, we can beat it, so you won’t have to out yourself. We let people know, so no one has to.”

Brainy blinks, looking at Winn with a surprise that would be kind of hurtful if it wasn’t so tinted with pride and adoration. It makes his heart go rabbit-quick and tastes a lot like hope. “Yes, why didn’t I– no matter, this could actually work. Winn, will you work with me on this? I cannot be trusted to act on the best of my abilities, I’m afraid the events of this morning have compromised me more than I’d initially expected.” A pause, “and moreover, I find that your presence is quite… enjoyable.”

His mouth dries in the time that it takes to process Brainy’s last words, and Winn can only nod in response. Around them, the room is nearly empty, as everyone leaves for lunch and the next agents haven’t arrived yet for the change of shifts, only a few scattered people still packing their things. Without the worry for evesdroppers, they could ease back a little, lean away from each other, but Brainy doesn’t seem to mind sharing his personal space in this case.

“It is settled, then,” he continues, “but we should do this somewhere else. The Colonel will already be on high alert until her deadline is over.”

“We could ask Lena, I’m sure L-Corp has a few labs to spare,” Winn grins, feeling victory drumming underneath his skin, “we have a little over six hours to figure this out,” and then, because Brainy still looks a little wavering on his certainty, Winn carefully extricates the tech cube from his white-knuckled hold, covering his hands with his own when they tremble without something to cling to. And then, because it’s so easy and Winn can’t think of a good enough reason not to, he entwines their fingers together, feeling the shaking echoing on his bones, his thumb brushing soothing circles on the back of Brainy’s hands. “Hey, don’t worry, okay? We will figure something out.”

Brainy nods, smiling a shaky sort of smile but with eyes shining with courage. He squeezes Winn’s hands back. “I know we will.”

[majorkirastan]

hi i posted about this a while back but i’ve edited it a bit and this time i’m uploading it properly!

Hopes and Dreams (Kiradax, 1,612 words)

Summary: Jadzia wishes that Kira would notice her obvious crush.  Kira wishes that Bajor could be returned to its former glory.  Both of them get their wish. 

No content warnings apply.

The runabout is quiet, but comfortably so. The engines hum, low and throbbing, but they are so constant that they are almost unnoticed. Jadzia leans over in her chair and keys in coordinates, pushing her seat backwards to check the navigational array. Beside her, Kira is curled up on a standard-issue cot; her breathing is slow and steady, and Dax is going through her routines just a little bit slower than usual, in an attempt not to wake up her sleeping friend. Jadzia frowns at the monitor - there's an anomaly of some kind up ahead. She halts the runabout, and the hum of the engine shifts to a whine. Kira stirs, just a little, her breath jolting as she shifts in her sleep.

Kira is beautiful in the dim light of the runabout, Jadzia thinks. Her hair is ruffled, ever so slightly, and her face is perhaps the most tranquil it’s been since she first transferred to the station. Jadzia stares at the sleeping woman for just a beat too long, contemplating the arc of the Bajoran nose as a faint blush spreads over her cheeks, the tips of her ears. She's lost in thought when the console beeps, and she turns back to the viewscreen, biting her cheek and silently cursing herself for getting distracted. There is the anomaly, up ahead, and it is much more incongruent than it ought to have been. It is a planet where there should be empty space. There is no sun, no other planets in the vicinity, but there is a single, lonely planet. Jadzia scans the surface, nose wrinkling as she notes the familiar concentrations of elements. She reluctantly reaches a hand over to shake Kira awake. Kira’s eyes fly open, panic crossing her face for the briefest moment, and then she blinks a few times, sitting up as her eyes adjust to the harsh light of the runabout.

“Where are we?”

Her words are slurred, just a little, and Dax laughs, raising her eyebrows.

“We’re in the Gamma Quadrant, remember? Delivering supplies to the Tellarians?”

She points at the screen, flourishing for dramatic effect.

“And that, my friend, is a planet that seems to have gone rogue.”

Kira frowns, considering the planet. “Looks kind of like Bajor. It could be from another dimension, or maybe it was under some kind of cloak, or maybe our sensors couldn’t read it?” She yawns, swinging her legs over the edge of the cot, and walks over to the replicator - perhaps ‘stumbles’ would be a better synonym - leaning against the wall as she orders a raktajino. The machine whirrs to life, and the coffee materializes. Kira rapidly picks up the mug, blowing on the coffee to cool it down. Jadzia watches, smiling at the way Kira puffs out her cheeks. It’s familiar, endearing, even. It makes her heart swell, not that she’d admit it. She'd be perfectly content to stay here forever, in this moment, watching one of her closest friends burn her tongue on a scalding hot drink.

“You gonna beam down?”

Kira’s voice interrupts the string of thoughts racing around Dax’s head; the Trill quickly wipes the smile from her face, chewing on her lip in a way that she hopes looks thoughtful and not thirsty.

“It could be dangerous.” She ponders for a beat longer. “Although, when has that ever stopped me in the past?”

This time, Kira is the one to smile. “I’ll come with you,” she says. “Don’t want you running off with any more random citizens.”

It’s a joke, of course - a dig at Jadzia’s habit of romancing any alien she can find - but somehow, it feels a bit more meaningful, perhaps a touch of….jealousy? Jadzia internally smacks herself. She’s projecting again. She gives her head an imperceptible shake, as if to rid it of the rapturous blush she can feel creeping across her cheeks again. She turns her head in a movement she's hoping looks natural and waggles her eyebrows at Kira.

“Well, as long as you’re with me, how could I possibly do such a ridiculous thing?”

Her mouth quirks into a smile as she delivers the line. She knows that Kira can hear the jest in her voice; she can only hope that she’s not broadcasting anything more personal in her tone. It's a friendly rapport, banter, says the voice in the back of her head. Nothing more. But Kira laughs, a real laugh, and Jadzia’s heart beats just a little bit faster. She quickly turns away and begins pressing buttons on the control panel, guiding their runabout to safety, programming it to tell the Captain where they are, checking the atmosphere and the coordinates and the power they’ll need to make it to the planet’s surface. It's not unwarranted - it's protocol, and it's a necessary step before they transport to a foreign planet.  But still, the timing is just a touch off, and it's clear that she's using the console as an excuse to hide her face. She steps back, giving the screen another once-over, before stepping onto the transporter pad. Kira hops up next to her, sighing reluctantly as she puts her coffee back into the replicator. Dax is the one to give the command, her voice suddenly loud in the near-silence of the runabout.

“Two to beam down.”

They flicker out of existence.

Somewhere, on the planet below them, they shimmer into creation, born anew of atoms and molecules and sudden desert heat. They blink, the two of them, in the harsh light. There shouldn’t be such brightness, Jadzia thinks confusedly, because there is no star; but it doesn’t seem important, not right now. Kira’s hand flies up to her forehead, trying and failing in shielding her eyes, while Dax simply squints into the sun, her brow wrinkling. She is genetically predisposed to adapt quickly to the bright conditions, she supposes, and it is only a few seconds before her eyes adjust. And then - she is not quite sure if they have in fact adjusted, because she is staring out at the city in front of them, a metropolis of impossible size that seems to go on for forever. Rounded buildings and tall spires and houses built into hills are covering every inch of land in view. They are on a hill, and as Jadzia turns her head, she takes in the city upon city upon city that spreads over the horizon. It seems impossible.  

A moment later, she hears Kira gasp as she finally begins to take in the landscape before her. She spins, slowly, eyes wandering over the jumble of metal and stone and unidentifiable building material. She is smiling, faintly, and Jadzia has to do everything in her power to keep from staring, because in the daylight, the Major’s hair is golden and radiant and soft, and it frames her face in something that is almost a halo. She looks like an angel, and for some reason, there are tears forming in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks, and her hands go up to her chest. Dax doesn’t understand the emotions spreading over the Bajoran's face, until she hears Kira whisper, softly, “It’s home.” And then she remembers, all in a rush, that this is what Bajor looked like, before the occupation and the strip mining, before the slave camps, before it was left a hollow shell. Kira is sobbing now, quietly, hands clutched to her chest, her face an inscrutable blend of joy and loss, and Jadzia doesn’t know what to do. Seven lifetimes, and she has no idea what to say. So she doesn’t say anything. She puts a hand out, tentatively, and rests it on Kira’s arm, and Kira smiles at her, angelic, beautiful, and her face is streaked with tears but she’s beaming, the happiest that perhaps she’s ever been. The sun is bright, but her smile is brighter, and she throws herself forward, pulling Jadzia into a hug. They stand there, holding tight to each other, and the galaxy seems to slow around them.

They pull apart, after a long, hesitant moment, and then they look at each other. Both of them are golden in the light, the joy, they are transcendent and Kira reaches up a hand to Dax’s cheek to wipe away tears that Jadzia hadn’t realized that she had been crying.

“Kira. Nerys. I—”

“I know,” Kira whispers, and as Jadzia stares into the eyes of the woman she cares about more than anything else in the quadrant she finds them staring back, damp with tears, glistening in the light, and she understands everything.

"You're beautiful," says Jadzia, the words falling from her lips without her even needing to think them. It's the truth. It's always been the truth. "You're so beautiful."

Kira smiles, covering her mouth with one hand, embarrassed at the compliment, and if Jadzia didn't know better she'd think the woman was giggling.

"Thank you," she breathes.  "You're beautiful too. You've always been so, so beautiful."

And then Kira leans in, and Jadzia's heart is racing, and they meet in the middle, their lips saying everything that their voices could not. It's soft at first, tentative, and Jadzia isn't quite sure whether the giddiness is Kira's or her own. This isn’t how she had imagined their first kiss, not at all, but it’s perfect, and as she traces the outline of Kira’s cheek with the tips of her fingers she knows that this moment will stay with her always, no matter how many lives will come after this, because she has never felt more in love in any of her many lives.

[pussymagicuniverse]

Revisiting Adrienne Rich’s "Twenty-One Love Poems"

Published in 1977, Adrienne Rich’s Twenty-One Love Poems was one of her first books that addressed lesbian identity and desire. This revelatory context is felt throughout the work, as she details the tender and painful experiences of a lesbian relationship.  

I discovered this book a few years back in Córdoba, Argentina, where I was visiting a boyfriend who loved independent bookstores as much as I did. At the time, I struggled to reconcile my queerness and my relationship with a straight man, and this manifested in my fixation with lesbian feminist literature.

Veintiún poemas de amor was a small sliver in a pile of books, but the familiarity of Rich’s name convinced my hand to pull it from the shelf. Published by the small press Postales Japonesas and translated by Sandra Toro, each page features the English version of the poems and a Spanish translation. 

Later that day, my partner and I alternated reading each of the poems, mine in English, his in Spanish. I wanted to hear them spoken in a different language than what Adrienne intended, curious to discover if they had the same effect as reading the work. Although he sounded beautiful, I couldn’t help but be disappointed.

The ache and longing was lost in translation; his voice seemed exist on a different plane. It was alienating, clutching at a part of my identity that felt nonexistent in my present circumstances. I wasn’t experiencing bi-erasure, which often feels like oscillating between an impossible dichotomy. This was different; my love for women was a lake frozen over, and I was trying to break the ice with a pen. 

In the fourth poem of the collection, where Adrienne addresses the lack of lesbian and female experiences in literature, she writes:

“…we still have to stare into the absence of men who would not, women who could not, speak to our life–this still unexcavated hole called civilization, this act of translation, this half-world.” 

This half-world felt like a room of mirrors, where I saw reflections of myself everywhere, but only when I stepped inside it. These poems acted like a count-down to my break-up and reawakening to my queerness. I began to see my love of women everywhere, even in objects and places that weren’t explicitly “female.” Rocks, buildings, the awnings of trees spoke to me in whispers, reminding me of who I was. The eleventh poem of the collection reveals the way our external world acts as an echo of our interior lives. It opens with the lines:

“Every peak is a crater. This is the law of volcanoes, making them eternally and visibly female.”  

Twenty-One Love Poems queers the famous work by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda, Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair. Written in 1924 when he was only 19-years-old, the book was controversial due to its frank depictions of sexual content. Almost a hundred years after its publication, it remains widely read and purchased.

I was aware of Neruda, but not enough to understand or care about his work. When researching for this piece, I read through Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair. His poetic portrayals of sex made me uncomfortable, as his metaphors were lewd and painfully tacky (i.e. “Body of skin, of moss, of firm and thirsty milk!”). The first poem in his collection is called “Body of a Woman,” and includes the stanza:

“I was lonely as a tunnel. Birds flew from me. And night invaded me with her powerful army. To survive I forged you like a weapon, like an arrow for my bow, or a stone for my sling.” 

While reading his poems, I discovered a pattern of violence when describing love and desire. Neruda’s poem “I Have Gone Marking” begins up with the line: “I have gone marking the atlas of your body with crosses of fire.”

I asked myself: Is this what men find erotic? The visceral experience of weaponizing a woman’s body for their own protection and pleasure? Patriarchy created a system that weaves intimacy with violence, to the point where one is indistinguishable without the other. These images flowed through Neruda’s consciousness as he wrote, planted by the repetitive models of heterosexual coupling.  

His descriptions of pleasure are equally reflective of these socialized patterns. In his poem “Drunk with Pines,” he writes:

“Hardened by passions, I go mounted on my one wave, lunar, solar, burning and cold, all at once, becalmed in the throat of the fortunate isles that are white and sweet as cool hips.” 

Is this the kind of writing that impacts our world? Pablo Neruda’s Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair is one of the best-selling poetry books in the Spanish language. I wonder, what would the world look like if Adrienne Rich’s work had the same impact, if women-loving eroticism could alter the male-centric model of human sexuality? 

In her essay “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” Audre Lorde states:

“The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.”

This articulation of eroticism, especially within images evoked through writing, is what runs through my head when I read Pablo’s work. Men are obsessed with the “universality” of their literary canon, asserting that women’s writing is so obviously female and esoteric. The irony makes me laugh; for when men write about eroticism and desire, it’s so clearly rooted in their own preoccupations and sexual experiences.

Meanwhile, Adrienne Rich embraces the lesbian perspective as a subjective, personal experience. She writes about the limitations placed on her sexuality by a heterosexist society and how she struggles to live openly in a world that forces people like her to remain closeted. Her eroticism is infused with feeling, not purely sensation. It’s undeniably lesbian, and this deliberate focal point is what makes it impactful.

In my favorite poem, the second one of the collection, she writes:

“…I dreamed you were a poem, I say, a poem I wanted to show someone… and I laugh and fall dreaming again of the desire to show you to everyone I love, to move openly together in the pull of gravity, which is not simple…” 

I think of how gravity is taken for granted, how we are all bound by an invisible force that makes life possible. Women who love women gravitate to one another by energy that cannot be explained. We use language to describe love, desire, and romance, but it remains inadequate in the face of feeling. Yet despite this, lesbian writers continue to write. If only to capture a small, inconsistent fragment of a narrative that exists beyond words.

Cassidy Scanlon is a Capricorn poet and witch who uses her artistic gifts as a channel for healing herself and others. She writes poetry and CNF about mental health, astrology, queer love, pop culture representation, and how social structures shape our perceptions of history and mythology. When she’s not writing, she can be found petting the local stray cats, exploring the swamps of Florida, reading 5 books at a time, and unwinding with her Leo girlfriend. 

You can visit her astrology blog Mercurial Musings and explore more of her publications on her website. 

[abandondeceit]

Extinction Rebellion Values

Extinction Rebellion Values

We have a shared vision of change: Creating a world that is fit for generations to come.

It can be so easy to express visions, but are they focused?

I have worn glasses since I was about 12 years old. With my glasses I can see crisply but without them the world is a fuzzy blurry place. As I have grown older my vision has changed. Aged 12 all I needed was a basic pair of 'NHS' specs; they did the job and my eyesight was perfectly good. Now I am 57 years old and I have two pairs, and each of those pairs has at various focal zones (varifocals). I wear one pair exclusively for screen work, and the other pair for everything else, including driving and watching TV. In effect, I have five pairs of specs now. With age comes great focus.

Vision is not fixed, and even one person's vision can change with the years. But when we have all kinds of ways to help us focus the vision we can begin to see things from all kinds of points of view. Sharing vision doesn't mean we all see the same thing the same way. Some things only others can get to grips with. Some things require a head to be tilted. Sometimes a telephoto is better than a fish eye.

Looking out for the future is the only thing that matters with the environment. We can all look at the vision differently, but the vanishing point, where the parallel lines join, is approaching fast.

We set our mission on what is necessary

I never leave home without my door keys or phone. I rarely use my phone to call someone, but I often use it to pay for food, and to register my Tesco or Nectar points. If I am lost I can use the map. It tells me the time and if I find myself with a bit of a gap in my day I can read a good book.

I use my keys to unlock my door.

What do you consider to be necessary? We'll never fully agree. We just know that having somewhere to live is one of life's basics. It's there at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Food, shelter and warmth. So many don't quite get to see that. If pushed, of course they will. Everyone sees the need for shelter and food, but it's not always up there in our mind, right at the front, because most of us have made a good effort at securing a stable life, and so many think that the environment is a given, that we will always be able to get by.

Thankfully, it doesn't take everyone altogether at the same time to make others think differently. It may only take 1 in 20 or fewer. I consider myself one of the 5%.

 We need a regenerative culture

Elephants are dreadful vandals. Environmental destroyers with few equals among mammals. Locusts too, not mammals, but even more destructive.  In fact, plenty of animals are destroyers of quite mammoth (sorry) proportions. Squirrels, beavers, wildebeest… when you stop to look about you, all kinds of animals leave a very striking mark on their ecosystem, but elephants are probably the most like us. They eat what they need, they trample foliage, they strip the bark from trees that then die. And then they move on. The saving grace for elephants is that they have somewhere to move on to (let’s leave the problem of human destroying their habitat for now). Our problem is that we have nowhere to go. Instead, we have to find a way to bring balance into our ecosystem that gives time to regenerate. Health, efficient, adaptable. That's only the start. With all these comes constant vigilance. It is so easy to destroy, but so hard to rebuild.

And so, we need to:

Openly challenge ourselves and this toxic system.

'Toxin' comes from a classical Greek word meaning bow and arrow. Poisoned arrows are doubly dangerous. Not only do they pierce the flesh but they bring a hidden threat. Poisons and toxins are unseen. That's a the big problem. We only see them when they have an effect on us, by which time it's almost too late. The poison arrow has already been released and is now embedded in our shoulder. It is not the pain of the arrow that matters: that will heal. The big problem is the hidden nature of the toxin. What is the antidote? Is there one?

Even stepping out from the safety of our shields puts us in the firing line. We are all affected, and even when we are not directly pierced we know that all those around us may have begun falling in poisoned agony. Our first challenge is to find and destroy the poisoned arrows.

We can't sit tight and hope it all gets better. We need to stop the arrows being fired.

We value reflecting and learning

Old men find it tricky to learn new tricks. I was born in 1962. Silent Spring by Rachel Carson was published when I was less than six months old. It wasn't the very first, but it was one of the most influential environmental books of the past 100 years. But we were slow to respond. I began working in ecological research in 1984. Even then the jury was still out. Greta Thunberg was born after the millennium. I could be her grandfather but she has taught me one thing at least: giving up isn't an option. It seems daunting and desperate, but we need to find a way to learn from each other. We need to learn what needs to be done, how to do it and why we can't be bothered. A cycle of learning, and planning for more action will be our duty for centuries to come. Learning from other movements and contexts as well our own experiences. We have done nothing for over a half-century since we became aware of the problem. I'm never too old to learn.

We welcome everyone and every part of everyone

All are welcome in all places. But what if your place is uninhabitable? Welcome to mine. Working actively to create safer and more accessible spaces is easily said. How do we get there? Our world is tribal. Humans are tribal. It doesn't take much to compel us to resist aliens. How do we welcome those we find difficult? How do we live with ourselves when we recognise our own disastrous effect on the planet? When we drive rather than walk, or consume rather than conserve? Turn first to ourselves, and then we can turn to others: they are welcome in our lvies and we in theirs because, really, without this there is nothing to love for.

When we disagree over the ways to act, what then? Pause, listen, reflect, discuss and act. Then do it all again, altogether now… we all have a perspective and we all have to see the other's point too.

We actively mitigate for power

Think about plumbing. Pipes filled with water. Controlled by taps. Nobody wants a flood.

When did you last give away any of your power? It's hard work, isn't it? Don't deny it. Nobody likes to give away power. We love to show how it can be shared, but so often on our terms. How do we give away power? I am a white middle-aged educated man. I have all the power. I need to constantly remind myself that this is so because I often am frustrated at what I think is powerlessness. I want to destroy the hierarchies. But I don't ever actually do it. "Breaking down hierarchies of power for more equitable participation" sounds like such a breeze. So, go on then: breeze in and break down a hierarchy. You know what makes hierarchies of power so powerful? Their power.

Turn the taps on and drain the power. Into what? Where will it go without causing all kinds of dampness and decay? We all have to gather it in small vessels, but then what do we do with it? There is no power anymore, so how can we get anything done? Let's not be frightened of power, but let's learn to use it relationally and not keep it all to ourselves. You'd give water to a thirsty woman? Why jot give her power?

We avoid blaming and shaming

Typical. It's not fair. Just when we have a means to challenge the problems and question those who caused them, we have to stop blaming. Says who?

We live in a toxic system, but no one individual is to blame. Blame is what reinforces the hierarchies because it imposes a distinction. And just as with power: it's very difficult to tackle. It's where we go first when we feel victimised. It's where we go when we see something we don't agree with. We blame before we accept. Human nature, once again. Best, then, to blame ourselves first and then include everyone else as we go along. Yes: we are all in this together, but is that the same as blame, or is it a humility that we always struggle with, both to show to others and to see in others? I could write a book, Humility and how I achieved it, but I'm guessing I'd never be able to publicise it.

We should be ashamed, collectively. When we all accept it, blame and shame transform into  responsibilities. We can only do this if we accept all of our responsibilities.

We are a non-violent network

Using non-violent strategy and tactics is the most effective way to bring change.

Really? We need to state this at all! Yup. It's so easy when seeking power to express the power we seek to take. If we turn on all the taps at once, we'll be drenched within moments and nothing can be done since we will all be trying to turn the taps off. But if we hold on to our values, violence cannot even be considered. If everyone is equally valued, and all of everyone, if we all want to find ways to regenerate and balance our world, if the power is controlled, there can be no violence, surely? I wish.

We need to keep removing the poisoned arrows from our quivers. We need to keep on reflecting and learning from each of us. We need to pause and reflect on why others do what they do. It ain't easy being rebellious.

We are based on autonomy and decentralisation

Who are we? I am a single human. But we collectively create the structures we need to challenge power. Who is in charge of the taps? Who will resist our desire to decentralise? How do we cope with their desire to keep a grip on the taps? Not by ganging up, but by encountering them on their ground. Decentralisation is not anarchy. It is a summation of these values of relational power and blamelessness. Decentralisation only works when there is a culture of welcome and enthusiasm for others.

[theklancecollection]

Klance May Reads (May 1st, 2017 - May 31st, 2017)

Below the cut are 113 fics that I have read this month.

I was planning on doing monthly updates but clearly this is too long. So I will be sticking with weekly updates instead.

I will put up a separate recommendations page tomorrow.

three minutes to closing - Yuisaki

“So you don’t know his name,” Pidge says slowly. “And he says meme-y things. And he always comes in three minutes before closing, and—”

“Always leaves on the dot,” Keith adds. “And uh, he never orders the same thing twice in a row.”

Pidge’s face is blank. “A customer who leaves at nine on the dot and never orders the same thing twice in a row,” she repeats. She opens her mouth, closes it, and taps at the screen of her tablet, hopping off the counter. “I’ll just tell everyone I didn’t get the answer out of you.”

“Pidge,” Keith protests. “I mean it.”

“And I think you have a cryptid customer,” Pidge says.

(or: eccentricities in a small coffee shop where a cuban boy with cute dimples only exists three minutes to closing.)

you had me at merlot - ryomakun

“Oh my God,” Lance says as he covers his face. Keith’s tinny voice blares from his laptop speakers: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” See, this joke might have been funny if someone charismatic and charming had said it, but Keith’s flat voice and even flatter expression effectively kidnaps, tortures, and then decapitates any chance of it being remotely humorous.

--

Keith accidentally starts a YouTube channel. Lance, of course, refuses to be left out. It goes about as well as you'd expect. (Ft. copious amounts of wine and a truly shameless number of references to MyDrunkKitchen, DailyGrace, and general pop culture)

Ascension - Gigapoodle

Four times where Lance feels insecure, and one time where Keith has had enough.

My Play Toy - Mackenzie_Kogane_McClain

Lotor is in his brain. The binds are too strong and everyone's watching him strain. Secrets are out. His heart is gone.

The Desert is a Thirsty Motherfucker - Graceless_Grace

The paladins get stuck on a desert planet and Lance, being the self-sacrificing idiot he is, gives away his water, sip by sip. Consequences suck, don't they? Even with the best intentions, the desert still suck the life out of Lance.

McDonald's Anyone? - AnimeROL

It started as most things seem to with us: a challenge and a scheme. I mean, who hasn’t ever dreamed of motorizing a shopping cart to take through McDonald’s drive thru at 2am?

Lance Gets Hot And Horny And Boy Does Keith Notice - TasteTheRainbow_BeTheRainbow

The team is put into a situation as if they were being attacked by the Galra. And honestly, they flunked it. So Allura calls a meeting but Lance is otherwise distracted by a certain Omega bodily process. He tries to leave undetected but Keith is a little more observant than others.

supermassive black hole - epiproctan

Keith has always known that he wasn’t going to get what he truly wants out of the arrangement, but he also hadn’t ever imagined that it would just…end.

aka that classic fic where lance wants to stop hooking up but keith wants something else entirely

i forgive you - willobean

"i forgive you"

Such happy memories tied to those three words before the fateful day where everything came crashing down around Keith like a tsunami.

the potential of you and me - Katranga

“And then other times,” Lance said. “I’m just, like, dying to know what a mouth would feel like around my dick.” Keith choked on air and said, with absolutely no go-ahead from his brain, “I have a mouth.” Half-laughing, Lance said, “Is that an offer?” He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes. His throat was dry. “Is that an acceptance?” -- The summer after freshman year of college, Lance drags Keith back to their hometown to hang out. But the two of them rarely spend time together without Hunk and Pidge around, because things had a way of getting out of hand real quick. This summer is... no different.

spin and twist - checkmateslash

“I think Keith is into you. He started blushing when Pidge and I brought up you giving him a lap dance.”

Lance flushed then, because they had been talking about Lance while he wasn’t there and it was about something he hardly remembered.

“I don’t even remember that, Hunk,” he grumbled, though his face was hot and he knew it was no use.

“You could see his boner through his jeans.”

“Can you stop?”

Lance thought about that conversation a lot. He thought about it every time he ran into Keith at the gym, remembers the conversation being too casual as he fiddled with his messy hair and pretended not to be flustered when Keith mentioned that they needed to hang out more. Remembered wishing he were brave enough to ask Keith out so he could either get rejected and get over it or start something. Remembered trying desperately not to blush when Keith came down to the lower level of the gym and asked Lance to hold his feet while he did sit-ups. Tried hard not to remember the lap dance while he was doing so, but even consciously trying not to think about it was still thinking about it.

Isn't this what you wanted? - Cutekittenlady

After a failed rescue attempt, Keith and Lance are subjucated to the will of their captor.

Love Bites and Banter - inkbadger

They just can't help but banter during sex- it's who they are.

Of course, some days Lance definitely regrets teaching Keith the subtle arts of sarcasm.

wrong in the dark - fickleauthor

All his life, Lance has been groomed to be one half of a bridge between two alien races — a merging of families that will bring about an end to a bitter centuries-old feud. He’s carried this weight upon his shoulders with a grace he feels he can and should be proud of, considering he never asked for such a heavy responsibility. He never asked for his life to be mapped out in such bold, rigid lines that stretch into a future he can see all too clearly: when he reaches maturity, he’ll be bound to the Crown Prince of the Galra empire for the rest of their lives.

And so he lets himself be swept away by the tides of fate — save for for one night, the night before the bonding ceremony, when he sneaks out and has an encounter with a stranger that threatens to upend him from the path he was meant to walk.

blame it on patron - pastelshan

One smack of his lips, and Keith felt his mouth fill with cotton. Tongues weren’t supposed to feel like that, were they? All heavy and gross. He scowled, sending a sideways, drunk glance Lance’s way. Did his feel like this?

Was there really only one way to find out?

Stupid Hair, Stupid Coffee - shaqfu

The only way to cope with midterms was coffee and maybe being mean to your beautiful barista.

That One Time You Saw Me Dancing In My Underwear - Quiznak

Lance's mysterious neighbor plays his music too loud so he tries to get revenge.

Then Who's Flying the Lion? - senpai_desu_desu

Shiro suggests Keith gives Lance a few pointers when piloting his lion, and he obliges, much to Lance's dismay... or delight? Not even Lance knows.

Kiss Me If You Want Me - Barkour

Lance has an epiphany and Keith makes a confession. Also, they fuck.

hypothetically - starsupernova

Keith wonders how he fell in love with someone like this. He’d never really been into anyone in his life until he met Lance in freshman year. Sure, it had started off as a rivalry, mostly through the baseball team, but Keith had slowly grown to appreciate Lance, in both the looks and personality departments.

And it’s not like the attraction is decreasing now that their junior years have just ended. In fact, it’s even stronger than before.

The first time Keith ever falls in love, it's with someone practically unobtainable. Typical.

The Jacket - shark_meat

Lance find's Keith after a long training session and shows a touch of kindness towards his "rival." It seems to backfire once the teasing starts, but maybe Keith will reciprocate the kindness after-all.

Somewhere On A Beach - smilemylove

Lance comes to Keith expressing feelings of missing Team Voltron, so Keith offers to take him out on a ride to help get his mind off things. Along the way, the two come to realize that maybe Lance wasn't being entirely honest with his feelings.

Bonding - Quiznak  

Lance and Keith bond.

I got my ship stolen, my dignity taken, and what do I have to show for it? - noumenon

“Looks like you hit on the wrong person, huh, Lance?” Keith chuckled.

“Could you stop being a jerk for I dunno, five seconds and just help me out here?" Lance snapped. "This isn’t nearly as much fun without a hot girl with me. I mean seriously! I’m chained up, Blue got stolen, and worst of all I didn’t even kiss out of all this!”

bench press me - eggboi

“The hell are you doing?” Keith grumbles out, body mid-push up. There’s a snicker behind him, too close to his ears, though Keith can’t really understand what would be so amusing about this. Then again, he’s not really sure why Lance is lying on him while he’s doing push ups either. Other than to be, of course, annoying.

“Nothing.” Lance finally says. Keith hears the grin in his voice, which only proves to irritate him a little more. ‘Nothing’ his ass. “Continue with what you’re doing, Mr. ‘I’m-Too-Good-For-Socialization’.”

(Lance, as always, tries to annoy Keith by making his exercise harder. It doesn’t work. At all.)

Miscommunication and failures - Lance by mikuridaigo

tumblr prompt: does the “i slept with you the other day and i didnt know we had a mutual friend and now we’re sitting across each other for brunch and it’s awkward because i ran out when you were asleep” au exist bc i need that fic

When Hunk called the Sunday before the spring quarter began, asking if he wanted to grab brunch with him, Lance said yes; and when Hunk called again, saying that his friend was joining at the last second, Lance didn’t think anything of it.

Until said friend was the best sex he’s ever had.

Basically Lance is a screw up and fixing this mess was probably going to kill him

Disatrophe (I like it rough) by mikuridaigo

“Is this how you usually pick up guys?”

“No, I start with a great opener. Like,” Lance pointed his fingers like a gun, “‘hey, you a magician? Because when I look at you, everyone else disappears’.”

A companion piece to Miscommunication and failures by Lance with Keith's perspective to how he and Lance slept together that night.

Translation, Please by mochimistress

Keith had no idea what Lance was saying, but he was going to find out.

a change of space by Crawlingthroughashes

"I don't want to kiss you," Lance announces quickly, color rising high on his cheeks. "Ok." "I don't." Keith holds his hands up. "Ok." Stupid Keith.

Change of Pace by needchocolatenow

It was supposed to be an easy mission: a Galra base that was, for all intents and purposes, abandoned on a primitive planet. Get in, download the base's info logs, get out. Simple.

Of course, when Lance realized he was going to be put together with Keith on this mission, simple went out the window.

thread our way through a string of stars - steelthighsvoideyes

Lance is a humble astrophysics student trying to conduct research, which turns out to be a bit difficult to do when he finds a strange guy sitting in his customary research spot. A strange guy looking for aliens, no less.

Lance isn't going to stand for this.

One Cup Of Jealousy, Please - UnheardCries

Lance and Keith are two best friend dorks, but when Lance decides to go get coffee at a new cafe that opened, with his best friend, he may realize two emotions he never thought he would feel towards his best friend, love and jealousy.

Blue - princevince

He'd always taken the presence of the color blue for granted. He wished he hadn't. God, he wished he hadn't.

Like Ice Over Fire - CuriousRebel

Lance gets himself into a spot of trouble (against orders) and Keith comes to save him (against orders).

you mark everything i do - steelthighsvoideyes

Some people do ridiculous things when they're in love, like trip over nothing and faceplant into the pie they're holding, or get tattoos of each other's names in tacky hearts on their arms.

Lance and Keith get each other's paladin symbols tattooed over their hearts.

bouncing off exit signs - steelthighsvoideyes

This is the story of two absolute idiots who keep searching for what they've already found.

Cheeky - rideahorse

Keith pinches his eyes shut, slamming the book down again and swiveling to face Lance. “Oh my god,” he groans, standing up and crossing the two feet between them before Lance can get out a word. He grabs Lance’s face between his hands (perhaps a bit rougher than needed, but hey, he’s always wanted to slap Lance’s stupid face) and the last thing he sees is an expression of pure surprise before he leans down and presses his lips against Lance's.

It’s a peck, and it lasts a second, and then it’s over. Keith leans back, releasing Lance’s face, and hisses, “There.”

All The Stars In The Universe - jamwrites

After being rescued from capture by the Galra Empire, Lance isn't the same. He's silent. Reserved. Broken. But Keith won't accept this; every night, he comes to talk to Lance. Every night, he attempts to fix what is broken, and tonight may be his last chance.

(based off (with permission) an idea by legendarydragondefender and khlance on tumblr.)

An A+ For Trying - sailingskies

Keith and Lance stumble around with their almost painfully obvious feelings, and Pidge and Hunk are forced to watch the impending spectacle that unfolds.

and i'll keep you a daydream away - maradyer (ashtxns)

“He’s killing me,” Lance groans, head in his hands. 

And Then It Hit Him - princevince

Team Voltron is back together after being separated in the wormhole. They all learned a lot about themselves. About each other. Some...more than others. It's hard to take it all in, even after time has passed. But you don't always have to take it all alone.

breathless - zxrysky

"You shouldn't go out to the sea at night," their grandmother says. She's in a rocking chair, old and creaky, her withered body settled with a shawl around her shoulders, wrinkled fingers gripping the edges of the arm rest. "Don't risk it."

"Risk what?" Shiro asks, eyes wide. He's fourteen, just a young boy, on the cusp of maturity, arms wrapped around his younger brother as they sit before their grandmother.

His grandmother pauses for a while. "There is danger in the sea."

Dorks - GriffinRose

Inspired by a post on Tumblr!

Lance is the only one listening to the current presentation, and oh boy is it something to listen to. The kid has been rambling on about aliens for ten minutes and he is trying so hard not to laugh. So hard. Turns out the kid didn't even think Lance was paying attention, so when he finds out Lance was he books it. Like, as fast it takes Lance to turn his head, that kid was gone.

Keith wants to die. The Hot Guy in his bio class was actually listening to him talk about aliens. That's it. He's done. Kill him now.

Poor Shiro is just trying to keep his little brother sane.

don't wanna be free - VickyVicarious

In which Lance gives compliments (but not really), and Keith has lots of feelings but zero impulse control.

Eyes Over Here, Mister - amillionsmiles

Despite what his track record might look like, Lance understands girls, okay? Keith has Bad Boy written all over him—the dude sleeps with a knife, for Pete’s sake, and seems partial to black T-shirts when he isn’t in the Garrison uniform. Throw in a guardedness that could pass off as “mysterious” and a pair of dark eyes that could turn soulful in the right lighting and also if you could, like, get the guy to even look at you in the first place—

“Do you think I could work a mullet?” Lance asks Hunk.

“Absolutely not.”

OR: four times Keith completely ignored Lance, and one time he didn't.

Fading - Graceless_Grace

College!AU Klance; Keith doesn’t love the idea of asking for help when he’s sick. So, when he starts to feel a fever coming on, he does what he always does, while fading in and out.

Flames of Ice - linkami1379

"Finding out he was bisexual wasn’t a friendly experience. Solution? Be as girl-oriented as possible, use spare time to make clever comebacks and rely on sarcasm to save the day. At least that was what Lance figured would work at age eleven."

Boys finding their way in the big, wide universe.

Hank-y Pank-y - Methoxyethane

“You act,” Lance scoffed dramatically, “like I wanna make out with him or something.”

head to head, neck and neck, side by side - kushling

Lance and Keith both like sparring, Avatar, and each other. They have a hard time admitting it. Pidge makes fun of them. Space swords!!!

hey, keith? - furrykeith

Lance vents his feelings to a sleeping Keith.

Or so he thinks.

if it takes two - velvetcrowbars

After the Sendak attack, Keith and Lance deal with unresolved things. Whatever those might be.

“Keith?”

“What?” He finally says, safely slipping the piece over Lance’s head with minimal knocking against his temple. He sets the discarded parts on the floor next to the bed.

“I have a confession.”

it's quite bizarre, and will remain this way - mayerwien

FROM THE DESK OF ALLURA ALTEA Director The Rex Alfor Memorial Space Museum

Dear Mr. Coran,

I am writing to entrust to you the care and supervision of the young man who will be working with our custodial team starting this coming Tuesday. The young man’s name, as I’m sure you already know, is Keith.

As you also have been made aware, the incident that occurred two weeks ago was his first criminal offense, and thus I have elected not to press charges against him, in the hope that a little community service and a few kind words will go a long way.

Please see to it that our new volunteer gets a basic but thorough introduction as to what it is we do here at RAMSM. Unless any more untoward situations arise, there is no need to report to me further. I trust your good judgment, as I always have.

(Additionally, I would like to commend you for successfully managing to keep this story out of the press. Your service to the museum over the years has gone above and beyond your job description. We will have to talk about this very soon. When are you free for coffee?)

never been kissed - kairiolette

“You give off the obnoxious popular vibe. The mullet, and the rap sheet, and—the fingerless gloves,” Lance replies, and barrels on before Keith can take it the wrong way. “I’m so handsome, my name’s Keith and I’m a pilot.”

“That sounds more like a compliment than an insult,” Keith says slowly, a disdainful quirk to his eyebrows that only spurs Lance on. He tilts his head a bit, his bangs shadowing his face, like he’s assessing a particularly impossible physics problem. “And I don’t like that voice you’re using.”

No Room For Secrets - Crawlingthroughashes

Keith thought he and Lance had reached a bit of an understanding the night Lance was injured. He should have realized that Lance had a monopoly on being the most obnoxious, petty brat in the galaxy.

Or, Shiro forces the two to engage in more team bonding exercises as a means to put an end to their bickering, but a lot more than bonding occurs. 

Nightmares - Trashness

Lance's nightmares are getting out of control. It's effecting his and the team's performance, but he's at a loss for how to fix this.

Apparently sleeping next to a warm body helps.

Put Your Hands On Me - crystallineflowers

Lance and Keith get back from a diplomatic mission, and Lance just can't keep his hands to himself. I mean, can anyone blame him? His boyfriend is super hot, after all.

pepsicola - corydalis

It starts like this: Lance looking up at the scoreboard only a few days into his Garrison training and muttering to himself, “What the hell kind of a name is Keith?”

-- Or, Keith and Lance fall in love. Eventually. DAY 2: love // hate

scattered stars - Crawlingthroughashes

Lance wore his heart on his threadbare sleeve, visible for the perusal of wandering eyes.

Keith, on the other hand, kept his heart carefully concealed beneath skin that was stretched too tight and bones that felt too heavy for his body.

Show Me - saffronskies

Show me that you're human, show me that you won't break

Lance tries to be selfless for Keith, and sometimes it gets a little too hard for them both.

TW: Depression/Dealing with depression. Mention of suicide attempt.

Since We Might Die - Velazyraptor

Lance and Keith are on a mission on a forest planet and they run into a horrible monster. Lance thinks this is his last chance to confess.

It's rated T because of cursing.

sleep - orphan_account

“You’re annoying,” he kindly informed Lance. The other paladin just let out a loud snore in response. “I guess you’re also a little cute too,” Keith felt his cheeks warm up a little as he admitted it out loud, reaching over to turn out the lights.

In which Keith and Lance get cuddly and cheesy.

somewhere i have never travelled - songs

In an oddly tepid motion, Lance brushes the tip of his finger along Keith’s pulse-line. He says, “I can feel your heartbeat, here.” He takes Keith’s thumb, then, and presses it to his own wrist. “And you can feel mine. We’re the same, you dumbass. Me and you. You and everyone here. You’re fine. Wherever you want to go— it’s fine.”

steal the air from my lungs - zxrysky

“Read the news,” his grandma told him with something sad in her eyes, and passed him the newspapers lying on the table. She lifted him on her lap and turned the page, flipped through the black and white words until it landed on a picture of the ocean, wide and blue, stretching out far into the horizon.

“Missing people at sea,” Lance read out dutifully, and his eyes grew big. “They don’t come back?” He asked in a small voice. He couldn’t imagine- he couldn’t imagine just leaving. He couldn’t imagine going missing. He thought of James, barely two, holding on to Lance’s hands as he toddled along the ground, and shuddered.

“They don't, baby. These missing people at sea, they don’t ever come back.” His grandma looked old and tired, and Lance abruptly thought of his granddad, lost at sea long before Lance came into the world, and all that was left was this huge house.

sweet like honeysuckle late at night - starspecters

“Hey,” Lance says indignantly, poking his finger into the hard Velcro of Pidge’s binder. “Jesus loves me.”

“I don’t know why he would.”

--

Lance would like to blame the heat, but really, he knows where responsibility and blame should be placed -- namely, in the entire food group of alien peaches.

Things Held Sacred - yarrie

So maybe, just maybe, Pidge was right. Maybe, just maybe, Keith had shot himself in the foot with his first attempt at resolving the blanket-hogging situation, because now Lance seemed to think it was a game and the rules were: steal the blankets, get sex.

To be fair, Keith hadn't exactly been...dissuading him very well.

three words, and i'm yours - Dreamicide

To help things along with finding ones soulmate, the first words spoken to one another are written on their wrists.

So when Lance sees 'You're under arrest' on his skin, he decides to try and find his soulmate as fast as he can.

He gets arrested.

A lot.

Through Time and Space - Hidden_Pineapple

Prompt: -We all know Lance is homesick. But what happens when Pidge figures out how to make an accurate calendar of earth? Lance realizes just how much he’s missed. And even then, its only the tip of the iceberg. (...)

What happens when you write too long past midnight.

We'll Be Counting Stars - southspinner

Keith's just trying to navigate the collegiate mine-field of tests, social circles, and sleep-deprivation while still maintaining a fragile grip on his sanity. The last thing he needs is some snapback-clad fraternity president making him re-evaluate his entire existence, but of course, because the universe hates him, that's exactly what he gets.

Weight of the World - Zurela

Lance hasn't been sleeping very well. He does a good job of handling that, really.

Keith disagrees.

with quiet words I'll lead you in - strikinglight

“You were screaming,” Keith tells him. “I heard you through the wall.”

That wall, Lance wants to point out, is supposed to be soundproof. It shouldn’t let you hear anything, no matter how hard you listen. What he says instead is “I can’t breathe.”

“Take it slow.” Keith’s voice is steady, but as Lance’s eyes struggle to focus his face is a blur. The image goes shaky and then comes clear, shaky then clear, like looking into water. “Pretend it’s low tide. Tell me about the ocean again.”

heard a noise - scriveyner (trismegistus)

“So,” Hunk said, standing in the threshold of the doorway to the bridge. “Not for nothing, because I thought someone should know about it before they break something else, but I’m pretty sure that Lance and Keith broke the training room. Again.”

cradle you - TheMintPen

“So…bad day?”

Keith let out a snort as he mumbled into Lance’s chest, “That’s an understatement.”

Dialing... - AnnSmith

prompt: i call the wrong number and declare my love to you, and hang up before you can explain.

His voice sounded a bit more deep that how it normally was, but he supposed it was the sleep. After all, it was pretty late for a call. But he had to let him know. it was the most important thing at the moment.

Lance calls the wrong guy, and he fucks up.

one sky, one destiny - theatrythms

Lance misses home. Keith's home has been lost to the darkness for ten years. Kingdom Hearts Au.

crushing - orphan_account

“Thanks,” Lance awkwardly cleared his throat, all too aware of Keith’s unwavering gaze on him, “for staying, I mean.”

“Yeah,” a smile slowly spread on Keith’s face. “We’re a team, after all.”

(In which Lance gets homesick and Keith is apparently nocturnal.)

A Curiosity - BlueRoboKitty

"There’s only one way Lance can salvage his reputation, and that is to turn his intentions into something else entirely." 

Cookies - Quiznak

Lance gives Keith cookies.

Don't Hate Me - wolfgun

“This is… your fault,” Keith groaned, banging his head against the old building. “You were the one who insisted we go in, guns blazing, without our lions! This is what happens when--”

“It is not! You were totally and completely on board with the idea--” A few gunshots cut Lance off, ricocheting off the walls. Keith risked poking his head around the corner, seeing a total of 10 Galra foot soldiers running up. A hand gripped his upper arm, and he quickly withdrew to look at Lance.

“We need to either get out of here and hide, find a way to get to our lions, or fight them.”

MCR - Autistictobio

keith is a emo

Deez nutz - Autistictobio

Keith is dating a moron

It started off just as a simple kiss, an accident really. - Autistictobio

It started off just as a simple kiss, an accident really. And it felt oh so good. (The rating might go up)

Me Enamora - Leonid42

After training for the day Keith walks back to his room, but on the way is distracted by some strange music.

te aviso te anuncio - Leonid42

Music could really affect you, huh? For some people, it brought a tear to your eye, others would be encouraged for the day. And Keith? Well Keith could feel his heart slowly melt for the stupid Paladin who sang.

My Wrist to Keep - InsominiacArrest

Good old-fashioned hand-cuff fic as Lance and Keith are instructed to bond by being around each other (a lot)

Fuck Me Up - Azure_Wavelet

Based off of this post on tumblr: velazyraptor:

Okay but consider:
 Keith pretending to be lance’s boyfriend to ruin lance’s attempts to flirt with aliens

Heaven Above You (Blood Off Your Hands) - Mytay

“You have to promise — we have to swear that no matter how much we argue or disagree, we are never going to abandon each other.”

“I’m sort of insulted that you need a solemn oath from me over something that I figured was obvious,” Lance murmured lightly, but his eyes were dark and staid. “I couldn’t leave you behind even if you begged me to — you’re stuck with me, Keith.”

Keith’s hand finally bridged that infinitesimal gap. The Blue Paladin intertwined their fingers, squeezing just this side of painfully tight. Keith returned the favour, his heart beating a steady yearning throughout his body.

“Good,” Keith whispered, his face so close to Lance’s that he could easily count each of those long eyelashes. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Two weeks into their marooning on this too-damn-dangerous-planet, Lance shoots someone in cold blood. Keith sees that they are both losing pieces of themselves, with nothing but darkness to fill in the broken gaps.

moments of silence - attemptsonwords

Quiet moments between two boys who spend most of their time yelling at the other.

Winner, Winner - squidmemesinc

“I don’t want to have sex with you!”

“You don’t?! Are you sure you don’t? Because it sure does sound like you want to experience my ‘sex thing’”—air quotes—“for yourself, sexually, in a sexual way, because that’s what you totally just implied.” I experience a brief break in hysteria and straighten up, giving a winning smile to not-Keith, who doesn't deserve its glory. “Although I wouldn’t blame you, I am stunningly handsome and very good at giving he—”

“Lance, stop talking, now! I was just talking about kissing, but if you’re going to be weird or make a big deal out of it, then forget it.”

Captivate - IcyStarlight

Lance is called the king of contests and Keith does not believe it till he sees it.

A Fish And A Bird - Methoxyethane

Lance has a boyfriend. Lance does not realize he has a boyfriend. Keith, understandably, does not react well.

Two Fuckboys Fuck - 5PUSSIES

Against all odds, Lance manages to get laid.

Wear Your Cactus on Your Sleeve - shaqfu

All Lance wanted to do was buy a new cactus for his shop.

An Equitable Compromise - Barkour

It was all Keith's fault that Lance kissed him.

Secret's Out - BlueRoboKitty

Keith and Pidge come to an understanding as they wait anxiously for Lance to heal after the Galra's surprise infiltration of the castle. Pidge learns Keith has a secret of his own.

Apology in a Bottle - BlueRoboKitty

In a rare display of maturity, Lance tries to apologize to Keith for humiliating him. But a bottle of alien wine has found the Red Paladin first.

I Think We're Alone Now - BlueRoboKitty

Surprise, surprise, Keith drinking himself to a mortified stupor actually solved nothing, so once again, it's up to Lance to fix this trainwreck of an attraction he started or the team may never be able to form Voltron again.

Sweet Quiznak - CheckeredCloth

"You're really into him," Hunk mutters, and wow, Lance's face is on fire. Hunk is killing him.

"Look, read into how you like, Freud, just make sure that if I die Keith knows I totally would've mowed his ass like grass. That way, I can laugh hysterically at his emotionally-constipated expression from the afterlife."

Or: Lance is badly injured and has a few skeletons in his closet. Or maybe just the one.

Just a Sip - gaysquared

Keith can't hold his liquor. ______

For the prompt: "Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?"

Body Heat - littlemissmelody

Lance and Keith are on a mission to a very cold planet to do some recon on the Galra. However, due to a storm, they are stuck in one place for the night.

Or, Lance is freezing, and Keith is basically a furnace.

It's okay too cry - Autistictobio

*SPOILERS* this is the after math of the end of season 1 okay??? Lance and keith are stuck together alone

Nightmares aren't always that bad - Els_writes

Keith has nightmares, Lance helps him sleep.

Casual Contact - quartetship

It started off casually enough.

Ice in your veins - IcyStarlight

You may never be able to return to your first home, but you’ll freeze hell over before you let the world take your second one.

Elemental AU from tumblr user rhymentai

All The Small Things - Priestlyislove

Keith is tiny. Lance is annoying.

no i'll never forget (i just wanted to be near you) - glitterfreezing

"He rests his chin atop Keith’s head and listens to him breathe. The stars are brilliant overhead, and Keith’s mouth is warm against the thin cotton of Lance’s shirt, and Lance wonders if this is what people mean when they say "second home.""

lance and keith, on starting over, missing home, and love.

title from eugene by sufjan stevens.

Coffee - Quiznak

Coffee shop au.

Roommate Wanted - slendermanhood

There is absolutely no way Keith and I will ever become friends, Lance thought angrily to himself. He attended Lance’s dream school, the school that harshly rejected him because he wasn’t good enough. And Keith goes there on a scholarship?!

Lance can’t reject him as a roommate, because his rent was due next week. But, he promised to himself, that stuffy douchebag and I will never be friends, I swear it.

Pidge told him before not to make a stupid rivalry out of this, but Lance can’t help it. He was going to make Keith regret he ever crossed paths with Lance Sanchez.

(In which Lance and Keith are roommates, then enemies, then friends, then enemies again, then lovers)

In Motion - thatonegreenpencil

Late night training session somehow turns into more of a bonding exercise. Or the beginning of one, anyway.

(Set after ep 2)

watch yourself - shizuoh

Keith has a lot of trouble trying to deal with his obnoxious boyfriend.

Nosedive by quartetship

"You still wanna keep going, Keith?"

"You know it."

we'll make it, you and me - asexualrey

"Keith, if we make it out of this alive, I'm going to kiss you."

7 minutes in heaven (heaven looks a lot like a closet) - sun_stricken

lance + keith+ small spaces = gay shit

Meet-Cute, more like Meet-Ugly - mysterem

They say that meeting your soulmate is the best moment of your life. People are always talking about how the second that your counter hits zero it’s like the whole world seems to slow down, and all that matters is the two of you. But no one said anything about getting punched in the face.

Gay Chicken - InsominiacArrest

Someone else drops out of the pilot program and both Keith and Lance are in, and this time wrangled into a pilot’s beginning of year ‘get-together.’ It’s basically a frat party.

They play a very competitive party game neither backs down from.

[perahn]

Codex Entry

For @circlingmoon, for DMing and encouraging me to be the amoral Red Wizard who always lurked within.

This text is written in a fiendishly difficult encryption, consisting of at least two different ciphers per page. It is difficult to infer reading order; on some pages the writing flows across the page in the left-to-right fashion of Common, on others it appears to spiral out from a central point, while others appear horizontal or completely random. A multitude of different coloured inks form part of the coding. Once the text has been decrypted, the reader must be fluent in Thayan Mulhorandi, Draconic and Infernal, and possess a basic understanding of Undercommon for the later pages, as the journal is written in a peculiar mixture of the vocabulary and grammar of all four languages.

This is a calculated risk. There are certain of my thoughts and secrets that must be preserved and not simply remembered. Neither method is secure, of course… any mind is open to one sufficiently skilled, and if my own mind were to be broken, these petty ciphers would be easily extracted. For the moment, my own positioning is protection enough: I am seen as powerful enough to be useful, but not enough to be a threat, and there are few enough of my rivals or clique who are perspicacious enough to make a better assessment.

Nebastis appears to be playing a similar game, but her analysis of the situation on the Alaor betrayed an overly acute understanding of the historical forces at play. I believe she would be worth cultivating…

A span of pages, some of which appears to describe the daily life of a Red Wizard student, some to record dreams, some to be detailed equations or spellwork diagrams, and one which is a poorly-drawn depiction of a wyvern and a phoenix in battle.

… all arranged with Nebastis. I have paid the doorkeeper the customary amount to ensure we won’t be disturbed. He probably supplements his income handsomely by guarding these little trysts – but there are simply not that many pieces of neutral territory within the Academy, and at times ambition and caution must give way to more primal needs.

She said, “I trust you.” I could never have guessed how exciting – how erotic – those three words could be.

She watches my lips, and licks hers.

I watch her fingers – their slender shape, their clever, delicate movements – and I imagine.

I have never known impatience like this, as though fire burns beneath my skin. Nebastis. Less than hour remains.

The next entry is on the same page. The time marker indicated a span of one hour and twenty minutes since the commencement of the previous entry.

That was eminently satisfying. It appears I had credited Nebastis with far more cunning than she deserved. When she said that she trusted me and that she desired me, she was being entirely truthful. She did not even look twice at the spells I had cast around our meeting place.

So she is eliminated, and with less effort than it took to remove Pteptah or Se-atma from the game board. I am almost ready to neutralise Nofet.

A good deal of what follows is undeciphered at present, but proper names and ‘eliminated’ tends to recur, as do dreams about ‘the Erratic’, ‘the Silent’, ‘the Thirsty’ and skulls, buried beneath mountains and by water.

… The monastery of the Long Death is a known quantity, of course, but individual monks remain unpredictable variables. I have recognised this Shayazi assigned to me as one of the recurring, although I am not certain which she represents as yet. The monks do refer to death as the ‘Silent Lord’… Still, a preliminary assessment is necessary.

Physically, she poses a deadly threat. The monks’ training is extensive, honing her naturally muscular form into a mechanism that will strike both swiftly and with certainty. She would be difficult to catch off-guard. She evidences no magic, whether innate, studied or talismanic. By preference, she fights in melee; I would keep her at range should it become necessary to neutralise her. Spells that target her strength of personality would probably succeed, as she appears to spend much of her energy on controlling an innate rage… no doubt the curse of her orcish heritage. How glad I am for the superiority of my pure Mulan blood! She also appears to have an inexhaustible appetite and capacity for alcohol, and so is eminently suitable for a properly calibrated dose of the correct poison.

Shayazi is not stupid, but the monks’ education was certainly… limited. She is so focused on her pointless studies of thanatology (not uninteresting, admittedly, but impractical) that she would be easy to deceive on any matter that fell outside that narrow scope. Nor do I believe that the Long Death monks learn the ruthless political manoeuvring which is a part of Academy life, which is doubtless why the Red Wizards rule Thay and the monks play no significant role in the wider world.

For the moment, however, she appears to perceive my protection as a duty, and one she takes very seriously indeed. I shall encourage her to continue in that vein by any means necessary. She cannot be trusted, of course, but she is undeniably an asset as long she chooses to be so. She balances many of my weaknesses, and she is, moreover, enjoyable company. It is, of course, entirely possible that much of my current assessment is flawed, depending on Shayazi’s ability to dissimulate. I shall continue to monitor and reassess.

Additional notes appear to follow at various dates and times. The following pages seem to detail the writer’s experiences of a long voyage by sea, including some difficulty with sea-sickness. Dreams of eyes, and a woman who cuts off her hand and laughs for joy, predominate.

Initial Assessment: Khetad? Kheteeth? Mornir? Mulnar? That sorceress.

I know she is one of the recurring, and therefore necessary in some measure to my goals. At the same time, I find myself thinking longingly of all the ways to strip a sorceress of their magic and make them useful. She is a sterling example of all the worst traits of her kind. She relies on poorly-understood and internalised processes to wield magic that was left in her blood by some remote ancestor. It is alien to the wizards’ way of controlled and disciplined magic earned by effort; it is sloppy, disorganised, and inelegant in every way.

In situations like these, however, it has its advantages for me. It is possible to map at least some of the spells at her command; sorcerers do not learn quickly. It can be surmised that she has more spells than these, if she follows the usual developmental pattern for sorcerers.

Cantrips: Fire Bolt (used to light a candle, and offensively). Ray of Frost (used to cool her drink, and offensively). Shocking Grasp (used when pinching Harper’s buttocks, when he was looking at a barmaid). Prestigitation (used for numerous flashy effects to prop up her projected image of dangerous sorceress, including redoing her cosmetics).

Level 1: Magic Missile (fired in the air to impress a customs officer. Failed). Thunderwave (used against a gang of attacking kobolds. Effective).

Level 2: Shatter (attack of ogres. Destroyed several of the caravans we were travelling with).

I have never met anyone quite so childish, and that includes actual children. She is obsessed with maintaining her ‘dangerous Elven sorceress’ image, and so would be uniquely vulnerable to manipulation aimed at that point. Any Suggestion along the lines of ‘A sorceress as powerful as you should be able to –‘ should succeed admirably. Unless, of course, this is a manufactured flaw. Sometimes she seems too insistent on her part to be genuine in it.

It is maddening, however, that she amuses many of those we have met, instead of rightly garnering irritation or contempt. It must be some peculiarity of all these illogical people. I miss my Academy, where motivations and behaviours made sense, where I knew the rules by which everyone played…

In short, I believe I could neutralise this Khayteed, if she were isolated, under most circumstances. I do not believe she plans well, and she seems too self-obsessed to study others well; I doubt she would see me coming. An overt attack is even less desirable than usual, given her focus on Evocation magic, although if Shay could be manipulated properly, she would make an excellent counter. However, in most conceivable situations which involve eliminating Khedded, Taliesin Harper must be considered.

Initial Assessment: Taliesin Harper.

By far the most conspicuous threat of all the recurring – not least because my Detect Thoughts failed. He remains too much of an unknown at this point. He has clearly trained with both melee and ranged weaponry; he appears to favour the former, but it is too early to be sure. He could certainly put an arrow in Shay before she could reach him. He seems intelligent and socially capable, and I am inclined to believe that he could play a part better than most. Sometimes he reminds me of others I knew back home…

It is so difficult to make any useful observations. His motivations are completely unknown. He and Kheited seem to have been travelling together for some time. She regards him as her property, but his attitude towards her is harder to place. For the present I can only assume that she is beneficial, in some measure, to whatever his plans truly are, but it is all so nebulous. He has attempted some flirtation with me, upon occasion; I am not minded to encourage it until I have a clearer understanding of why, and of whether the danger he presents outweighs the possible benefits.

He is on his own territory, and he understands the ways power is expressed and controlled in this land; I am far from my Academy. If the situation were reversed, he would be easy prey. As it is, I must be exceedingly cautious. He would not be as easy to Suggest as Khedit; his weaknesses are not so well displayed. He has not, as yet, exhibited any habits which could be leveraged to my advantage. I am acutely aware that most of my study has been aimed to help me neutralise other spellcasters. So much more information is necessary before I can plan effectively… I despise feeling this vulnerable.

More observations and dreams follow, as well as several pages of potential strategies for learning more of the individuals the writer has assessed. Many have been crossed out or marked as ‘impractical’, ‘obvious’ or ‘dangerous’.

I am very ready to be out of this rain. What sort of developmentally-damaged masochists would choose to dwell in a climate like this? Still, I am informed that we should reach Waterdeep tomorrow evening…

[jigretro]

JIGRETRO

Retro Videogame Blog

May 19 PLAY EXPO MANCHESTER

My fiancée bought me tickets for this event in January for my birthday. I’ve never been to an expo specifically focused on video gaming/retro gaming, although I have been to The Gadget Show expo on a couple of occasions and to the occasional Comic Con style expo, so I roughly knew what it would entail.

On the lead up to the event I checked out the website and copied the map/floorplan for the event. This got me excited as I could see that there was a big marketplace, free play arcade machines, pinball machines and console gaming area. I had a look at some of the talks that were scheduled but, to be honest, nothing grabbed my attention. On the website I noticed that there were some YouTube guests attending, such as Top Hat 🎩 Gaming Man and Kim Justice, and I was intrigued by the prospect of running into them. I was most excited about the marketplace, but felt that the prices would probably be way too expensive for me to get heavily involved in.

My first impressions of the expo was that it was a little on the small side, but with my only other experience being at The Gadget Show I suppose it would seem small. We quickly walked around the entire floor to get a feel for everything that was happening. I also felt that it was a little quiet; we arrived at 11am but it would become much much busier over the coming couple of hours.

The marketplace was what I was most excited about and I spent some serious time in that area. I browsed each stall and made a mental list of things that I might like to buy and where the stalls were, but I didn't buy anything on the first trip round. The prices seemed very reasonable to me, which was a huge surprise for me. Prices were similar to Cex really, perhaps a little cheaper, but some of the rare games were very expensive, probably for good reason. I haven’t got the knowledge to really know whether they were good deals or not. I would never consider buying a rare game just because it was rare, I would have to have a personal interest in that game first and foremost.

My fiancée spent all of this time following me around, for which I consider her a saint. I think she secretly had fun rummaging through stacks of Gameboy games, etc... there is just something about the noise of it that appeals to anyone... not just collectors, ha ha!!! One highlight was a stall that featured only Japanese imports, shed loads of them, which was amazing to see. Unfortunately I couldn’t tell what anything was, but I was trying to hunt down a Japanese copy of Castlevania Symphony of the Night and, after a little while, I asked my fiancée (I was far too shy) to ask the chap running the stall if he had it, which she did (bless her). Unfortunately he didn't have it, but he gave her a business card and said that he could get it for around £45. This is actually a good deal, as the PAL version of this game had a very small release and those copies sell for around the £150/£200 mark on eBay 😮. Buying imports can be a cheaper way of getting hold of physical copies of some seriously expensive games. On my second walk round the market I made a few purchases and you will see what I got in the pickups section of the blog later.

After all of the game hunting both Steph and I were thirsty and a bit peckish, so we headed for the food court. The food choices were more than a little disappointing to be honest. The choices were basically pizza, hot dogs, toasties and some pre-packaged cold sandwiches. We got a couple of bottled fizzy drinks and shared a spicy meat pizza, which probably sounds amazing but it was just a plain pizza with a tiny amount of salami. It filled a hole though and we continued with our day.

We made our way to the arcade area and this was really cool. Pretty much every popular cabinet you could think of was here and this was a busy area, it was hard to get on anything but luckily most people’s attention span on each machine was relatively low, so with a little waiting/queuing you could get on any cabinet after a few mins. My highlight was the Outrun machine... this thing was freaking awesome. The speakers were LOUD and directly next to your ears in the headrest and the seat actually moved, swinging you back and forth while cornering. I had an instant understanding of Outrun's huge popularity after playing for a few minutes on this. Steph wanted to queue for a Wack a Mole machine but changed her mind when she realised that the people queuing behind would be watching her. Ha ha.

The console area was amazing; they had just about every console/microcomputer you can think of set up with a game and ready to play. We each sat at many different consoles and played all sorts. I had a good session playing Sega Rally on a Saturn. The highlight for me was sitting down and playing on a Virtual Boy, this failed console was released in 1995 (before the release of the Gameboy Colour) but Nintendo pulled the plug the following year after poor sales. 22 games were released for the system but I was playing Wario Land. I thought this was great. The image quality was much higher than I was expecting and the basic '3D' effects worked well.

The pinball area was cool but, at the time we went to it, it was incredibly hard to get on any machines. Also, pinball isn’t exactly where I excel, but I had a go on a couple of machines. One interesting thing that I will remember is watching a cosplay Deadpool playing the Deadpool pinball machine... ha ha, surreal.

Areas I was less interested in included modern console/computer gaming, table-top gaming (card games), Minecraft and Fortnight LAN play (this was super popular with the kids... almost like a crèche area, ha ha), shows/talks and cosplay, but it was all there if you were interested in those things.

So this is the pickups section of what I bought, for how much and why I bought each game. I didn’t buy any particularly outlandish titles, although I’m really pleased with Alien 3, Outrun and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fall of the Foot Clan.

Megadrive boxed

The Terminator (no manual) - £6. This was a complete nostalgia purchase for me because, to be honest, the game is pretty terrible, ha ha. I owned this game back in the day and played it repeatedly. It is insanely short; completion will only take about 15 of your precious minutes, but I am stunned that they would’ve charged full price when the game was released. The positives are that the background music is actually pretty decent, with a great recreation of the iconic Terminator theme and adrenaline-pumping music as you play as Kyle rushing to save Sarah. For me, this game has some serious atmosphere and I’m really pleased to have it in my collection.

Alien 3 - £8. This a game that I have seen covered in various YouTube vlogs and I have been intrigued about it for a long time. I have no nostalgia for it but, having played it since buying, this game rocks... maybe even enough for its own blog, so I’m not going to spoil it all here. You play a badass alien-slaughtering machine Ripley and you have to rescue hostages before the timer runs out, and they have an alien burst from their chests. The aliens act as they should, with a darting-type attack as soon as they appear on your screen. You have to be vigilant to kill these suckers.

Megadrive loose, both for £18

Jurassic Park - this was more of a nostalgia purchase. One of my close friends had this game when we were kids and I thought it was great at the time. An action platform game with dinosaurs... what’s not to like?

Outrun - this game speaks for itself. A classic and, after playing that arcade machine, I was sooo pleased to pick this game up. I feel the Megadrive conversion is great and very arcade accurate.

PlayStation

Porsche Challenge - £2. Can’t go wrong with the price and this is a nostalgia purchase for me. I spent hours playing this game with my cousin back in the day; a fairly standard early 3D racing game with some interesting shortcuts within the tracks.

Moto Racer - £2. Again, can’t go wrong for £2. It was developed by Delphine Software International, who also brought us one of my favourite games of all time and the subject of my first blog, Flashback. This is a really good bike racing game.

Game Boy

Kirby’s Pinball Land - £6. I love pretty much every pinball game I play, for example Sonic Spinball and Dragons Fury. I’ve kinda wanted this game for a while. My friend had this game back in the day and I remember playing it on his Super Gameboy.

Japanese import of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fall of the Foot Clan - £6. I’ve heard good things about this game and anything Turtles is usually really overpriced but, with this being an import, it was a very reasonable £6.

And Tony Hawk 2 (can’t remember what I spent but probably around £4 ish) for the Gameboy Advance. I’ve had this game before and I enjoyed it a lot. Despite the GBAs limitations, this game cleverly changes things up to a isometric view. All else remains unchanged from the Tony Hawk formula. I think this is an ideal game for a bit of Tony Hawk on the go.

Many thanks for checking out this month's blog. Until next time!!! 🎮