#she's forever 36 how do we feel about that?

[shapeshyft]

How old do you think Mystique is?

Honestly, beloved, I think she's like 300+ I know most publications have her 'at, or near 200' to put her in the early parts of her development in the 1800s when she meets The WIFE and decides to make being a wife guy her entire personality.

I like that! I really do, but I think she's a lot older than that. At least a century older, so she could've gone through the stages of discovering her powers, trying to use them for flashy things, inadvertently creating a few local superstitions and myths and stuff.

She needed time to run around being absolutely foolish with her powers, her life and all so that she could build up a callous of 'man, i HATE humans, this sucks. What's even the point of li- Oh.' right on the build up to meeting the WIFE and, again, becoming a wife guy with her whole heart.

With that extra 100 years, as opposed to... i dunno, like a normal little 30+, it would give her higher heights to reach and then make the depths she hit just a bit deeper.

[sunshine-zenith]

I mean. If A New Wish takes place roughly 20 years after the original series (which seems to be the case since Vicky was 16 in the original and is said to be 36 here), then wouldn't Peri be RIGHT at college age?? Why is he immediately going into childcare instead of spending some time partying at the club.

Like I kind of get why he keeps getting distracted by his parents- he literally hasn't seen them in years and there doesn't seem to have been any contact between them during that period. Who was raising him while Cosmo and Wanda were gone. Is he still the only fairy born within the past ten thousand years. Did he cope at all with suddenly losing his brother forever, or is he just repressing it like he's apparently subconsciously been doing with Vicky and who knows what else. Peri and Dev can go to therapy together

This ask got me seriously thinking about the timeline between FOP and FOP:ANW, especially in relation to the Cosma-Fairywinkles

So Wanda and Cosmo’s ten thousand year long vacation obviously involved time travel, and from how both Wanda and Peri words things, it sounds like he wasn’t there with them, at least for the last part of it — she specifically says they lost track of him during those ten thousand years and he specifically call it their (his parents’) vacation, not our vacation. That said, this trip, again, obviously involved time travel, meaning that while ten thousand years passed for Cosmo and Wanda, they might’ve only been gone for a few months for Peri. While that’s still a super long time, given how old Cosmo and Wanda are, it might not be that long for them (ex I was talking about school timelines with an older coworker, and she said that while an extra year is a long time for someone in their 20s, like me, for someone in their 40s-50s like her it’s nothing)

That said, even if the vacation wasn’t that long from Peri’s perspective, Peri specifically notes he hasn’t seen them since they got back from it — we don’t actually know how long Cosmo and Wanda were living as a “normal retired human couple” but it’s been long enough that they at least know some of the local celebrations (the lightbulb-ice cream parade)

Wanda and Cosmo don’t seem like the type of people to abandon/neglect their kid, especially after something as presumably tragic and traumatic as their sibling completely forgetting about them, so I’m just gonna assume that they either didn’t start their vacation until Peri was old enough to be on his own, or that they took Peri with them and Peri broke off from them early on when he reached the age of majority

Cosmo specifically notes the year 2001, which is a reference to when the original show started airing. This also technically establishes 2001 as the year Peri was born, since Timmy doesn’t age over the course of the series (ignoring timeline shenanigans from later in the series that ended up being reversed anyway) (also Peri is officially Gen Z rep)

I’m gonna say that ANW takes place in 2023-2024, since that’s when it was animated/aired, so about 22-23 years from the original series, which works with Vicky being said to be in her late 30s-early 40s and AJ looking to be in his early 30s (plus for all the fantastical elements these shows include when history is concerned — ie every they do with dinosaurs — this writers do seem fond of establishing political events in the series as matching the real world — ie Cosmo getting emotional over Obama and wanting to go back to those days. Establishing the show as being 2024 instead of 2021 gives enough distance in universe from quarantines that the writers can get away with not mentioning it. If it was meant to be set in 2021, I feel like the writers would include some kind of reference — a throw away line establishing it as something that did/didn’t happen in universe)

We don’t know how fairies age, how long it takes them to reach the age of majority, but yeah, Peri just feels very Young Adult coded, and him being 20-23 just kinda works with his character. He comes off as someone fresh out of school working their first real job and being blindsided by how different it is from what he expected/studied. Assuming that he aged like a human up until adulthood and assuming that Cosmo and Wanda waited until he was old enough to study on his own (18) in a safe environment (a fairy academy presumably), that means it’s potentially been 2-5 years since he’s seen them and that he spent his adulthood/adult education without them — no wonder they still see him like a kid while he wants them to treat him like an independent adult, he was basically still a kid going off to school when they last saw him while he had years of his own to give the adult thing again (again, in a hard but semi-sheltered environment that would be a school in fairy world). It’s possible Cosmo and Wanda are overcompensating for the thousands of years they missed (for them)/missing important events like graduation (for Peri)

It makes me think of the fact that the writers specifically named the robots that care for Dev and fulfill his demands (ei what ends up being Peri’s job when he comes along) “au pairs” — an au pair is basically a cross between a foreign exchange student and a nanny, someone (typically a young adult) from a different country who moves in with a local family and helps take care of the children and house in exchange for a living situation, and many au pairs specifically take on the role while studying at a local university. That’s not too far off from what Peri/a Fairy Godparent’s role is

All that out of the way… yeah Peri should be in the club. BUT who would he even go out with? Yes he had similar aged peers in the original series (Foop/Irep and Goldie), but we don’t actually know if fairies started having kids again after he was born. If he had classmates as an adult, they would likely be fairies much older than him returning to school, so people he might not easily relate to

Thinking about it, it starts to make sense why Peri was given such a hard case for his first godkid — fairies can chose to go into retirement but for the longest time couldn’t have children, so there wasn’t anyone to take up the jobs they leave behind. In the original series there was a fairy godparent shortage that probably only got worse as fairies working that job got to the point of “okay, this is my last child, I’m done after this.” Peri was possibly one of the only fairy godparents available (who else would go to Dev? Cookie? The fairy still pissed off at Cosmo and Wanda and going after Hazel? Please, she’d probably refuse before even looking at Dev), plus he didn’t have anyone experienced to give him advice going into things, so he couldn’t, say, negotiate for an easier kid to start with or something before taking up the job

Peri is a young adult with almost no one to relate to, choosing a career that he views as “the family business” to make his parents proud, choosing a career he automatically has a unique relationship to because of the timing of when he was born and who he grew up with, who has a strained relationship with his parents because of years of (unintentional but still) no contact (not to mention the very real family loss of having their other kid/his big brother basically go away forever and completely forget about them in the process, which can’t be easy to navigate), who’s working a hard job with no experience and seeming no resources

He really was doomed from the get go, wasn’t he

[musings-of-a-rose]

Jump Then Fall - Chapter 4

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc “Vanessa Morales”

Word Count: 5000

Rating: M for mature - 18+ only!

Warnings: Please be aware there is an 11 year age gap. Mature themes and some canon mentioned. Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: Well, we've finally reached the end! I'm so sorry this took forever to get out. I really do love these 2 and would welcome any asks about them! When the story starts, Vanessa is 19 and Javier is 30 but in this part, Javier is 36 and Vanessa is 25.

**Shoutout to @vanemando15 for listening and bouncing ideas from me, and for her guidance with being a Latina herself. Without her, this wouldn’t even be a thing, just another line on my WIP spreadsheet. And also to my husband, who is also Latino and answered any questions I had (along with taking me to Colombia back in 2014). And to @wyn-n-tonic, who listened to my rambles and insecurities about writing an oc in first person.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

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Jump Then Fall Masterlist

General Masterlist

Javier Peña Masterlist

<<Chapter 3<<

I don't see him until lunch the next day as he and Chucho had run into town for a few things. They both come in with some grocery bags and set them on the counter.

"They were out of broccoli so I got green beans. Will that work?" Chucho asks as he hands me a bag of fresh cut green beans.

I take them with a smirk. "Why do I get the feeling they weren't out and you just didn't want to eat the broccoli?"

"She's got you there, pops." Javier chuckles as Chucho punches his arm.

"Pendejo."

"Alright, alright. Get cleaned up and I'll make you both some lunch. Extra broccoli for you, old man."

Chucho hides a smile, grumbling as he heads upstairs to his bathroom. Javier stays in the kitchen with me, helping to unload the bags.

"New relaxation thing?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"What?"

I gesture towards his mouth. "The chewing gum."

"Oh. Nope. Giving up the other one. I'm trying the Nicorette thing."

I close the refrigerator door and look at him. "Really?"

He shrugs. "It's a nasty habit, or so I'm told."

I turn away from him quickly, trying to hide the warmth creeping up at face at his use of my words.

"Well that person must be very smart to say that."

"I think so."

-------

I don't find the time to tell him the next day. Or the next. Or the next. Despite having a lot of chances to. Javier always finds his way to me around the house, chatting and asking me questions. I try to ask him some too, but his eyes grow dark and distant and he shuts in on himself, no doubt recalling the horrors of his time pursuing Escobar. I stop asking.

"Vanessa! We have to go or we'll be late to Danny's wedding!" Chucho yells up the stairs at me, just as I'm putting on my mascara.

"I'll be right down!" I take one last look at myself in the mirror, smoothing down my dress. It was bold, for me anyway. Spaghetti straps and a form fitting dress that stops just above my knee, a lacy slip over top of it all that's long sleeved. It's a dark green color, always one of my favorites. I'm not sure it's entirely wedding appropriate, but it's the only thing that I liked that fit me decent enough. My hair is down and loosely curled and I turn my head back and forth to make sure the bounce had stayed.

I grab my clutch and head downstairs. Chucho stands at the foot of the stairs, smiling at me.

"You look beautiful, Vanessa."

"You're just saying that so I won't make broccoli next week."

He chuckles and gives me a hug. "You caught me. Oh, when's Alex back?"

"Next week."

"Pops, we have to get going or we'll..." Javier comes walking back inside the front door, red flannel shirt tucked into tight jeans that hug his body in all the right ways. He stares at me, his eyes moving up and down my body until Chucho elbows him in the stomach.

"Fuck! You uh..you look uh nice, Vanessa."

"Nice?" Chucho says, chuckling in disbelief. "I thought you knew how to talk to women." He heads out the door, leaving Javier and I standing in the entry.

"You look really..handsome." I manage to choke out at Javier. "Now come on. Your dad will kill us if we're late."

I move to hop in the truck and then realize the stick shift will need to be right between my legs if I wanted to ride in the front.

"I'll get in the back," Javier speaks into my ear.

"No you won't. The bed is dirty and I will not have my son walking into church covered in-"

Javier puts his hands up. "Ok, ok. We'll figure it out."

I get in, taking Javier's offered hand to help me up into the cab. I slide across the bench, looking down at the gear shift as Javier slides in next to me. I try to move my legs but there's nowhere for them to move to.

"Tuck them next to my leg." I look up at Javier, the closest I've been to him since that night.

"Are you s-sure?"

"Yeah. I won't bite." I swear he mumbles "Unless you want me to" under his breath but maybe I'm projecting.

We make it to the church on time. Well, early actually as Chucho wanted "a good seat." We get out of the truck and to my surprise, Javier offers me his arm again. I take it, using him to help me out of the cab, smoothing down my dress when I finally plant my feet on the ground. But he doesn't let go, doesn't drop my arm, letting me choose if I wanted to hold onto him or not. I link my arm further in his, noting the small smile he's fighting to contain on his face.

I am very glad I chose to hold onto him. Not just because his touch is electrifying my body, but because the ground in the dirt parking lot is very uneven, the last rainstorm having put in several large potholes and what feels like millions of smaller ones. Javier saved me from falling right in the mud more than a few times. When we finally make it to the pavement, he still doesn't drop my arm, looking down at me with raised eyebrows, silently asking me what I'd like to do.

"Oh no. I'm attached now. If you let me go, I'll fall on my butt I know it."

He chuckles and covers my hand with his large one, engulfing mine. "I got you, baby."

We say our hello's to everyone as we enter and I feel Javier tense next to me at the amount of attention he's starting to receive. Many people wanting to shake his hand and tell them how proud they are of him, that he's a hero. He smiles, although it doesn't reach his eyes, and thanks them, shaking their hands with his free one. This happens several times on our way to the pew Chucho wanted and after the third time, I place my free hand over his, giving it a light squeeze. I can feel him relax into me slightly as the man in front of us thanks him yet again. But as the next person approaches, I cut them off.

"Juan, it's so nice to see you, but we need to sit. These shoes weren't made for real feet," I chuckle and nod my head towards my feet. "I swear if Javier weren't escorting me I'd be taking these things off or fallen on my rear end by now."

"Oh! Yeah go sit. See you later, Javs!"

We finally make it to our row and Javier gestures for me to go ahead. I make my way in, sitting down as Javier slides in next to me.

"Hey, thanks." He speaks quietly so only I can hear him.

"Yeah of course. Anytime."

Shortly after, the ceremony starts and Javier places his arm across the pew behind me and I will myself to not blush and just pretend like I'm focusing on the sermon, the priest now saying something about love and devotion in marriage or..something. I have no clue as I feel Javier stretch a little and slide a little closer to me in the pew, our hips almost touching.

The reception was beautiful, music starting up a bit later while everyone was eating. We finish eating and Javier turns to me, mischief in his eyes.

"Dance with me?" His hand is outstretched towards me and I take it without hesitation.

"Do you know how?" I ask as he pulls me to my feet.

"Do you?"

"Fair question."

He escorts me onto the dance floor, placing his hand confidently on my hip, the other taking my hand. The music starts and he spins us around, our feet moving together to the beat. His eyes are on me and mine on his, the air between us igniting with something that we felt 6 years ago.

That realization jolts me back to the present and I move my head next to his, looking over his shoulder. I really need to tell him. I catch sight of a blonde woman, about Javier's age, giving me a really nasty look. But then the songs ends and Javier pulls back.

"Thirsty?"

"Yeah."

We head back to the table and sit, several more people coming up to shake Javier's hand and tell him how proud they were, that he's a hero, all of it. I can see that far away look in his eyes, like he's here but not here. His eyes lock on something across the room and he leans towards Chucho and me.

"I'll be right back."

I watch him walk across the room towards the blonde woman who had given me such a nasty look earlier.

"Who is that?" I lean over to Chucho, nodding towards them. He glances up before looking back down at his plate of food.

"Lorraine. His ex."

"Oh. They serious?"

He takes a bite of his food and chews. "They were. But that was maybe 10 years ago?"

"Hhm.. how serious?"

"Well, they were going to get married."

"Oh."

Chucho looks at me and leans in. "He left her though. The day of."

"The day of...the wedding??"

"Not one of his best moments. But he was young and scared. And stupid."

I look over at them, a man now walking up to them and putting his arm around Lorraine.

"Well she seems to have done alright."

"Yeah. Married some banker or real estate guy or something. Seems happy. Couple of kids."

"Should you have told me this?"

Chucho gestures around at the room. "Everyone here was there that day. They all know. It's not a secret."

I nod, turning to look back at them when I see Javier turn, his hand doing that thing where it opens and closes, his bottom lip worrying slightly into his teeth. He stops a few steps away from Lorraine and looks back, watching as she picks up her kids and animatedly talks to them. When he turns back around, his face is full of regret and want, but I don't know if it's about her or the kids, his almost family. He walks through the room and out the back door.

"I'll be right back."

I get up and cross the room, heading out the door Javier did. I look around and see him sitting on a bench under a tree several feet out from the reception room. He pulls out some gum from his pocket and stuffs it in his mouth, his jaw chewing furiously. I walk up to him and he looks up at me, his eyes sad.

"Can I sit?" I ask, gesturing to the space next to him on the bench. He nods at the space, leaning back to put his arm across the back of the bench behind me.

"Thank you," I say to him after several moments.

He looks at me. "For what?"

"For...everything. I know you must have had to do some things you aren't proud of in order to catch a very bad man. I can't imagine how that must weigh on you, make you feel like you don't deserve praise. But you worked so hard and they took that ending away from you which was, excuse my language, very fucked up of them and you didn't deserve that no matter what you did, and I just....thank you."

His eyes bore into mine, shifting emotions behind them. Anger, regret, fear, disappointment in himself, disbelief, but then something else. Something softer as he focuses on me. His hand comes up to cup my face and I lean into it, loving the feel of his calloused hands on my skin. He leans in towards me, his eyes shifting down to my lips, his breath fanning out over my face.

"Wait. I have to tell you something, Javier."

"Can you tell me after we make out?"

Can I? No. No, Vanessa.

"I really think I need to tell you first."

He pulls back and it looks like it costs him a ton of effort, just like it did me to tell him to stop. He puts his hand on his lap and watches me, waiting for me to continue.

"Do you remember when I told you that Alex's dad had important things to do? And you thought he was giving me a line?"

He nods. "Yeah..."

"What if...what if that were you?"

He furrows his eyebrows together, confused. "If what were me?"

"If you had gone off to Colombia or were going off and you found out you'd gotten some girl pregnant?"

"I would have come home or not gone."

"Yeah, but wouldn't you resent them just a little for robbing you of this opportunity?"

He scoffs. "They would've saved me a lot of shit."

"You know that now. But then?"

He thinks for a moment. "I don't know. I can't say I wouldn't have been disappointed."

"Don't you think your kid would pick up on that?"

"I...I don't know. I didn't consider....Vanessa?"

I swallow down the tears that are fighting to escape my body. "Yeah?"

"How old is Alex?"

I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. "6."

It takes him a few moments, probably doing the math in his head. But then his eyes widen and he pulls his arm from around me, scooting back a little.

"6?"

"Yeah."

He shifts on the bench. "Is he...who's his dad?"

I can't help the one tear that falls from my eyes. "Y-you are."

He looks at me before abruptly standing, pacing back and forth, his hand on his hip and the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm his dad? Me? Are you sure?"

"I've only ever been with you."

He scoffs. "It's been 6 years, Vanessa. You haven't fucked anyone in 6 years?" He stops to look at me and sees the truth in my face.

"I've gone on some dates, but nothing ever happened."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"I can only tell you the truth, I can't make you believe it."

He laughs angrily, finally stopping in front of me, glaring down at me.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?"

"I-"

"Did you not think I deserved to know?"

"I-I-"

"I would have stayed for you! I-"

I stand up and he backs up a couple steps. "That's exactly why!"

"What?"

"You would've hated us if you stayed. You would've resented it. You just said you'd be disappointed. You don't think we wouldn't have picked up on that?"

"You didn't give me a fucking choice, Vanessa! Does he even know me?"

"He doesn't know who you are. I told him you were a superhero, fighting a really bad man in another country. And that you'd come back when he was caught."

Javier hesitates a moment. "You never gave me a choice! I lost all of that time. I lost...FUCK! I can't even look at you!" He turns and walks away, past the parking lot and into the street, heading towards town.

I call after him but it's no use. I collapse onto the bench, my head in my hands, finally letting the tears out that I'd been holding back for so long.

-------

The next morning, I set at the kitchen island, a mug of hot coffee clutched between my cold hands as I wait for Javier. I hear the sounds of someone moving down the stairs and I sit up straighter, but Chucho enters the kitchen. I feel my face fall as he looks at me.

"I know I'm not a looker but-"

"Sorry, Chucho. I was expecting.." my voice trails off and he cocks his head.

"Javi? He left."

I sit bolt upright. "Left?"

Chucho pours himself a mug of coffee. "Yeah for Cali. Didn't he tell you? He was going to tell you last night that he was heading back. It was sort of a secret but I told him you'd probably notice if you were no longer sharing a bathroom."

I feel the blood drain from my face. "He's gone?"

Chucho turns, mug in hand and scans my face. "Yeah. I thought he told you? When neither of you returned to the reception, I assumed...well, I thought he'd tell you before he..."

Tears fall wet and hard from my already puffy face. Chucho looks alarmed but sets his mug down and pulls me to him, letting me soak his shirt as he makes calming sounds at me.

"I told him, Chucho. I told him about Alex," My speech is muffled but he hears it all the same.

"What happened?"

I tell him the entire conversation, how Javier just stormed off and how I expected to see him this morning, to apologize and tell him he doesn't have to be involved, that I can move out to make it easier. Chucho waves me off with that last one. "I would never make you move out. Javi doesn't cook nearly as good as you."

I give him a small smile, my shoulders still shaking from sobbing.

"Listen, Vanessa. I won't give you a lecture. You know my opnion and it's no use retelling you. But he knows now. Javier tends to run from things."

"So we're his latest Lorraine?"

Chucho cocks his head, thinking. "I doubt that very much. You're not Lorraine. He looks at you differently."

"Looked. I doubt he'll even want to see me again."

"Mm...let's just give him space, ok?"

"But what if he's down there another 6 years?"

"Something tells me it won't take him that long to think about things."

-------

Javier

It had been a month since Vanessa told him he has a kid. That he has a 6 year old son he knew nothing about, knew nothing about him. Except that he's a hero. Which is a lie.

The Cali Cartel had another 5 months before they would be "turning themselves in", which was a big joke. He had to catch them before the time was up so they could face actual justice and not this fake, bureaucratic bullshit.

He's tried to resort back to his old ways of dealing, burying himself in a woman. But when he tried to, he couldn't bring himself to do anything, let alone sleep with them. It was everything he could do to not pick up a cigarette, but his patience was wearing thin.

He tried not to think about Vanessa and her confession. But when the work day was over, and he went back to his penthouse the government provided, his brain would play that conversation over and over in his head. At first, he continued to remain livid, that she had denied him the choice of knowing his family, being with his kid. But then his dad's words echoed in his mind, the call coming the day he landed in Cali.

"That girl has been through hell, Javi. Don't be the asshole you claimed you wouldn't be."

"She didn't tell me I had a kid, dad. A kid! Who does that?"

"She was only thinking about you! This whole time, she was worried about your wellbeing. She didn't want you distracted or resentful, even if it cost her everything."

"What did it cost her?"

"Her parents! Her family, friends, her church. Ours welcomed her with open arms only because I was there to vouch for her. She was shunned from her entire life and still only worried about you. Don't be such a stubborn asshole."

He thought about Vanessa, so young and pregnant, trying to figure out how to tell her strict parents she was expecting despite not being married. Them kicking her out, closing her off from all of her friends and family, anyone who would support her. Her finding the strength and will to drive all the way back to Loredo to try and find him and discovering he would be away for an indefinite amount of time. What would he do in that situation? Run away from it, probably. Which she didn't have the option of doing.

He takes a swig of his drink, the ice cubes clunking against his top lip. He wants to meet his kid, Alex. Wants to tell him that the bad guy was caught and that he's back. Would he be back? It's probably good Alex doesn't know who he is, in case something happens to him here. But if he gets to go home, he knows he wants to be in his life.

What about Vanessa? Will she let him in their lives? Javier is pretty sure she will, even with the way he left. But what about her? If he's honest with himself, truly honest, when he looks past the anger, he sees her big eyes, the freckles on her cheeks, the sass she gives him in her quiet manner. And he thinks, no. He knows. He knows he loves her. He thinks she loves him. If she didn't, surely she would've told him long ago, not caring about his well being. But she had been so adamant about not telling him, wanting him to be safe.

He crosses his arms, pinching the bridge of his nose. Fuck, what was he doing? Granted he signed up to go back to Cali when they called him in, assuming that if he didn't they would throw him in prison. But honestly, he was ready to come back and actually be here when they get the bad guys. But then Vanessa came back into his life and now a kid.

Fuck, he's an idiot.

-------

Vanessa

6 months. It had been 6 months since Javier stormed out and ran away to Cali. Ok, run away was harsh as he went there for work, agreeing to it long before he knew I was here. But he hadn't called and I took that as a sign, no matter how many times Chucho said it doesn't mean anything because he doesn't call him either. He gets too caught up in his work.

It's the start of summer, the windows are open to get a cross breeze coming through the house. I do miss the ac back home, but I'll take Chucho's home over the one I grew up in any day, heat or no.

Alex got a new book and I hadn't seen him for a couple hours as he's spent them in his room, devouring the latest in his series. He did come out once, nose buried in the book, to ask me for a snack.

I finish washing his cup, setting it on the rack to dry. I stare out the little window over the sink, watching Chucho putter about between the barn and the shed, thinking about the animals and how hot it's going to get out there. I know they're used to it, but still. I'' have to get some extra ice trays at the store so I can throw some more in their water troughs. Chucho says that's why they all like me so much.

Suddenly, I hear heavy steps on the wood floor behind me, much heavier than Alex's. I spin, my hand gripping the cast iron pan that was sitting there. But when I fully turn, I nearly drop the pan.

Javier is there, standing in front of me, his chest heaving, a small bead of sweat sliding down his neck and onto his chest, which is slightly exposed by his several undone buttons in his lavender purple, button up shirt.

"Javier, I-"

"Sshh. I'm sorry."

"What?"

He takes a few steps towards me. "I never should have just left. I at least should've told you about Cali."

"No. I'm sorry. I should've told-"

He's only a couple steps from me now. "No, it's ok. I understand. You were thinking about your family. About how it would affect even me. you did what you had to do."

This was not what I expected. He reaches for the pan, still clutched in my hand. He takes it and sets it on the counter behind me, leaning close to me. He looks down at me, his hand coming up to cup my cheek and I inhale sharply at the sensation.

"You're so brave and I'm a fucking idiot."

"You have every right-"

He pulls me to him, gently pressing his lips to mine, giving me time and space to stop him. But what he doesn't know is his touch has sent me spiraling, spinning away into the sky. And when his tongue slides into my mouth, my body trembles slightly, my hand coming up to mindlessly grab onto his arm. But then he pulls back, staring into my eyes.

"I'm in love with you."

My stomach lurches, a thousand butterflies being released in my body at his words. Love? He loves me? I never thought I'd hear those words from anyone, let alone the man I've loved since I was 19. The reason none of my dates every worked out.

"And it's ok if you don't-"

"I love you too."

He smiles, a real smile that lights up even his eyes, both of his hands now cupping my face. "Really?"

"Why do you think none of those dates ever worked out? It was always you, Javi."

He kisses me more passionately now, his hand leaving my face to grip my hip, pulling me against him. I feel him through his tight jeans, pressing into me and I groan a little in his mouth.

"Fuck, you're so intoxicating. It was killing me not to kiss you."

"Mmm." Is all I can manage to say. But then I remember we're not alone, not this time.

"Do you want to meet him?"

Javier pulls his face back from mine. "He's here?"

I nod. "Yeah. Reading, upstairs."

He shifts, tugging on his pants. "Hell yeah I want to meet him. But uh, give me a sec?"

I glance down and chuckle. "Maybe I can help you with that later?"

He groans. "You aren't helping any now."

He turns and walks out the back door and I see him say hi to his dad, embracing him. Chucho watches him for a moment and then a smile appears and he claps him on the shoulder. I can only assume he's telling him he's going to meet Alex. Javier comes back inside, taking a deep breath.

"Ok, I think I'm ready."

"Alex! Can you come downstairs for a minute?"

Small feet patter across the floor upstairs and make their way down, Alex appearing in the kitchen a moment later, his book still propped open in his hand.

"Mom, I was at a really good part!"

"Alex, I have someone I want you to meet."

"Can it wait?"

I kneel down to get on his level, his eyes, so like Javier's, staring back at me, sensing the seriousness.

"Alex, meet your dad, Javier."

Slowly he turns, looking up at Javier who waves at him awkwardly. "Hey, kiddo. I uh, got the bad guy. I'm sorry it took me so long."

Alex continues to stare at him for a moment. Then he throws his precious book to the floor, running full out towards Javier, who throws his arms out at the last minute as Alex leaps into them, nearly knocking him over.

"Dad? It's really you?"

"It really is."

Alex clutches onto him, tears in both of their eyes. "I always dreamed of meeting you! This is the best day of my life!"

Javier hugs him tight, fighting back the tears that are quickly gathering in his eyes. "This is the best day of my life too, son."

-------

2 years later...

I load up the old tractor with a couple of picnic baskets, 4 large thermos full of homemade lemonade next to them. I close the back and carefully hop up, driving slowly across the property, a smile on my face. After a while, I pull up to the 3 men in my life: Chucho trying to carry wood by himself, Javi yelling at him as he runs to help him, and Alex, hammering away at a spare piece of wood. They were at the back end of the property repairing a downed section of fence. Javier sees me pull up and he rushes over, offering me his hand to help me down.

"I wish you hadn't driven this thing."

"Well if I walked, it would've been dinner by the time I brought your lunch."

"Mom! Watch me!" Alex starts hammering on a piece of wood Chucho had laid in the ground, Javier moving to help him pound it in further.

"My strong man!"

"Son, gather up the tools and put them in the box. We're taking a break for lunch."

Alex starts to look around for the tools as Javier turns back to me. He wraps his arm around me and leans in to kiss me, sliding his tongue over my bottom lip.

"Now now none of that. That made this happen," I rest my hand on my enlarged belly as Javier leans down, planting a kiss to my stomach before standing back up. He leans close to my ear.

"I plan on putting as many kids in you as you'll let me."

I slap his chest, but the thought warms me. "Let's just see how these 2 go first, yeah?"

He smiles at me, kissing me again before lifting Alex into the back of the trailer, helping me to set up the picnic lunches I had made for all of them. As we stare out at the river, a boat comes through, obviously carrying illegal items, most likely drugs. Javier stiffens, but then looks around at us.

"I'm done. I've done all I can. Now I just want to spend my life with my family."

-------

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @icanbeyourjedi @wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @booksarekindaneat @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed   @ladykatakuri @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol   @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @justreblogginfics @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @heartpascalispunk  

[lightasthesun]

Dialogue Prompts (Taylor's Version)

1♪ “You are the best thing that's ever been mine.”

2♪ “I will never leave you alone.”

3♪ “I'm captivated by you, like a fireworks show.”

4♪ “How's life? Tell me how's your family?”

5♪ “I'm sorry for that night.”

6♪ “Run away now.”

7♪ “Run as fast as you can.”

8♪ “They are the lucky ones.”

9♪ “Have we met?”

10♪ “Who do you love?”

11♪ “Remember this moment?”

12♪ “Remember this feeling.”

13♪ “Life makes love look hard.”

14♪ “I love you. I loved you from the very first day.”

15♪ “Meet me tonight.”

16♪ “You are not the exception.”

17♪ “I can't stop thinking about you and I.”

18♪ “I'm setting you free.”

19♪ “It's gonna be alright.”

20♪ “It's in the past.”

21♪ “Heaven can't help me now.”

22♪ “No one has to know what we do.”

23♪ “Are you insane?”

24♪ “It's been a long six months.”

25♪ “You're my best friend.”

26♪ “It might blow up in your pretty face.”

27♪ “Come here.”

28♪ “I said 'I love you', you say nothing back.”

29♪ “I knew it all along.”

30♪ “How'd we end up on the floor anyway?”

31♪ “She's laughing up at us from hell.”

32♪ “I don't remember.”

33♪ “The end is coming.”

34♪ “You should be doing more.”

35♪ “You have to trust more freely.”

35♪ “Love is a lie.”

36♪ “It's time now, let go.”

37♪ “This is it. I've had enough.”

38♪ “I swear I'm gonna change.”

39♪ “I still love you.”

40♪ “It's been you all along.”

41♪ “I need you.”

42♪ “Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change.”

43♪ “I'm sorry, too.”

44♪ “Don't get attached.”

45♪ “Everybody knows that.”

46♪ “Why?!”

47♪ “Go out and have some fun.”

48♪ “Why did you let her go?”

49♪ “It's not just a phase I'm in.”

50♪ “Believe in one thing, I won't go away.”

51♪ “I'll wait for you.”

52♪ “Do you know how much I miss you.”

53♪ “All's well that ends well.”

54♪ “Fuck the Patriarchy.”

55♪ “It's supposed to be fun turning 21.”

56♪ “I keep waiting for you but you never come.”

57♪ “I don't know what to think.”

58♪ “You look beautiful tonight.”

59♪ “Forever and always.”

60♪ “I'm in love with you.”

61♪ “There's nothing you can say.”

62♪ “Too late.”

63♪ “Did you ever think of me?”

64♪ “We're still friends.”

65♪ “Take my hand.”

66♪ “I think he did it.”

67♪ “They all want to be you.”

68♪ “What's a lifetime of achievement if I pushed you to the edge and you were too polite to leave me?”

69♪ “Dancing is a dangerous game.”

70♪ “I survived.”

71♪ “What a sad sight.”

72♪ “Yes.”

73♪ “Who knows what could've been.”

74♪ “Are you sure?”

75♪ “This is me trying.”

76♪ “Fuck you forever.”

77♪ “Sir, I think he's bleeding out.”

78♪ “Doc, I think she's crashing out.”

79♪ “Get in, let's drive.”

80♪ “I'd die for you in secret.”

81♪ “Give me a reason.”

82♪ “Im fine.”

83♪ “I love you (ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?)”

84♪ “Where we gonna go?”

85♪ “I rent a place on Cornelia Street.”

86♪ “I don't know.”

87♪ “I'd die for you.”

88♪ “Damn, it's 7am.”

89♪ “Are you ready for it?”

90♪ “Don't thrown away a good thing.”

91♪ “You're gorgeous.”

92♪ “Go, go, go!”

93♪ “That's a lie.”

94♪ “Does he know?”

95♪ “Get your shit together.”

96♪ “Nothing is gonna change.”

97♪ “You made us proud.”

98♪ “Don't leave me here alone.”

99♪ “I know you don't.”

100♪ “We always walked a very thin line.”

[theitgirlnetwork]

Better

Ch. 11: Three Months But It Feels Like Forever

Note: Hello! Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it and just a warm hope you had a good day to those who don't. Another chapter written in the middle of the night, so...you know. Still I hope you enjoy it. Unfortunately our fave couple still has troubles ahead, but there's a fun, a little (a lot) crazy surprise at the end. As always, thank you for all of the love on this story, I'm really grateful for it. It really inspires me and makes this stuff even easier to share. You're all great. I love interacting so feel free to continue. Also this is short but the next one will be longer bc it's something big. Also again, this taglist situation is probably my bad so I'm gonna sort it out, try again next chapter, and then y'all can tell me if it worked, bc atp I'm embarrassing myself. Thanks and I hope you enjoy. <3

Charlotte's Work Party Look

Lip's Work Party Look

“So this is bullshit. He dumps her for one basketball game?”

“That’s not what happened, he was having an inner conflict, and he was only sixteen.”

“Sixteen year old piece of shit.”

Charlotte huffs, continuing to run her fingers through his blond curls. Lip is laid across the couch, his head in Charlotte’s lap, hand underneath her thigh. Debbie is sitting on the floor in front of the television and Troy Bolton had just told his friends he didn’t give a shit about Gabriella. 

“He’s just choosing basketball and his friends.” Debbie protests, breaking free from her basketball boy trance to argue with her brother.

“Basketball and his friends can’t get his dick wet-ow! Charlotte.” he winces, rubbing the spot on his scalp where his girlfriend had decided to bury her hand and tug. “Damn it, I was just sayin’ he’s got like one game left in the season, why does he need to break up with her to play? And that shit she just wrote on the board is wrong-why the hell are we watchin’ this shit?”

“You just don’t get it.” Debbie huffs, pausing the movie. She pushes off of the floor and grabs the popcorn from the coffee table. “Let’s watch try again when he’s not here.”

“Oh excuse me.” Lip rolls his eyes as his sister storms off, running up the steps. When he looks back up at his girlfriend, her cheek is dimpling with her deep frown. “What?”

“You ruined movie night” she fake pouts, rubbing her hand along his chest.

Lip smirks, before indulging her, sitting up and tilting her chin with his finger. “Aw, did I?” he kisses her cheek, “I don’t think I did.” her jaw, “We could go in my room and make our own movie.”

“Yeah?” Charlotte hums, meeting his lips briefly with her own before pulling back. “Can’t. I have work.”

“Stay here,” he murmurs, pulling her back to him. “You can dance for me.”

Giggling, Charlotte lets herself be pulled back in, exchanging kisses with the blond until his phone buzzes on the couch next to him, a dreaded name lighting up on the screen. She pulls back fully this time, standing to go get dressed. “Your professor is texting you. At 8:36 at night.” 

Blue eyes watch Charlotte disappear up the staircase before closing tiredly. Lip had been dodging almost all of Helene’s communications. He would read her texts to make sure they had nothing to do with his job, and only responded when they did.  He’d hoped that was enough, but everytime Charlotte saw that name pop up on his phone she would retract from him. Leave the room, pick up Liam, interact with anyone but him. One morning she asked again, if she had a thing for him, or if they’d hooked up in the past. No matter how much he wanted to, Lip just couldn’t bring himself to answer her with a yes.

“Fuck,” he breathes to himself, before running up the stairs after her. He pushes the door to his bedroom open. “Charlotte-” he pauses, staring at her, taking in her form. She stands in her work outfit, if you could call it that, the only thing offering an ounce of covering is the one leg of a juicy tracksuit she was putting on over it. “Um, what the fuck?”

She turns, meeting him with confusion, giving him a glimpse of the front which only has him letting out a laugh of disbelief. “What?”

“What? You’re gonna wear that to work?”

“Oh,” she shrugs, putting her leg through the other hole and pulling the pants up. “Yeah.” she chirps, reaching past him to grab the matching jacket, zipping it over the small bikini top she has on.

“The only thing that shit covers is your nipples.” Lip says, scratching his head.

“S’a stripclub, Phillip. They’re supposed to see stuff.” she giggles. Her laughter stops when she sees his stoic face. Charlotte makes her way over to him, cupping his cheek, “Hey, you said you were good with this. You’re not?”

Lip looks away from her for a second, shifting on his feet. He’s too embarrassed to admit to her that he thinks he agreed to this whole stripper situation too soon. He’d never been a jealous guy, so he didn’t think it was a problem, but he supposes that jealousy is a new feeling that Charlotte had brought into his life. “No, baby I am, just…shit.”

“What shit. Like shit? Or shit.”

Lip closes the distance between them, waiting for her to meet him in a peck, patting her ass when she does. “Watch your mouth.” he mumbles against her lips.

Big brown eyes just stare up into his blue ones. “M’workin’ for us, remember?” She whispers, wrapping her arms around his neck and rubbing his hair at the nape. “Besides, why would I look at the losers that hang out at the club, lookin’ at me all night when I could come work and be with my sexy boyfriend?”

“Good point.”

“Yeah?” she laughs, letting him pull her into a bunch of small pecks, between matching smiles. The couple starts to get lost in each other again, only breaking away at the sound of Lip’s phone going off again. Charlotte pulls back with a blank look on her face. “Your other girlfriend is trying to reach you.”

Lip rolls his eyes and sighs as she slips past him again, running down the stairs. “Bunny-”

“Just take me to work, Gallagher.”

“You do privates, honey?” A drunken man slurs, leering at Charlotte, waving a hundred dollar bill in front of her face. He’s with a group of older men who’d been tipping shittily and buying the cheapest drinks since they’d gotten there.

“No, sir I don’t, but the ladies that do are on the other side of the club…and they charge more than that.”

The man’s lip curls as he stands, scowling at the woman. Charlotte subtly takes a step back, glancing over at security, ready to call them if he got aggressive.

“Hold on, wait a minute, Trent. That’s my daughter in law you’re talkin’ to.” a voice rasps. 

“Frank?” 

The scraggly man emerges from the crowd of older men on the couch, positioning himself between Charlotte and the other man. “The one and only.” His gaze drops briefly. “Nice outfit.”

Charlotte wraps her arms over her chest and frowns at the man. “What’re you doing here, Frank?” She looks at the group behind him. “Are you in trouble?” 

“Trouble? I’m enjoying the ambience! You and your lovely naked friends are a sight to behold-”

“Oh, God, Frank!” Charlotte gasps, covering her mouth to hide her disgust. 

“What? You have a beautiful form!”

“I’m calling Phillip.” she huffs, turning to go to the locker room, she pauses as a thought passes through her mind. Twirling back around she makes her way back over. “Frank, what are you paying with?”

“Oh,” the older man produces a sock full of cash from his pocket. It’s familiar to Charlotte. Ever since Frank and Monica located the first squirrel fund, Fiona had started keeping the money in a new place. In the dry rotted hole on the floor between the wall and the dryer. Inside of the sock that Frank was currently dangling in Charlotte’s face. “I came into some money.”

“Hey, that’s-” Charlotte tries to grab it, only for Frank to yank it away at each attempt. “For the house! For bills, for Carl’s field trip this month-”

“That’s my house that you’re shacking up in fyi. This is Gallagher money, and therefore it’s mine to spend. Now point me in the direction of the ladies giving private dances. I’m a private man.”

“Frank, I can’t let you spend that-” Charlotte argues, grabbing one end of the sock and pulling. Frank is tugging at the other until he stumbles into a table, causing a couple glasses to fall and shatter, leaving Charlotte with the sock. Charlotte stands over the man angry, disgusted, and feeling a wave of hate she’s never really felt for anyone. Up until this point, she really didn’t consider Frank beyond the far and few in between memories Lip shared. But now she was seeing the man be shitty live and in person. And she was fed up. “It’s for your fucking kids you deadbeat!”

Two seconds later security is grabbing Frank and the manager on staff that night, Sarah, is pulling Charlotte a couple steps away. She can distantly hear Lip’s father yelling and cursing as he’s dragged from the club. “Lottie, what happened?”

“I…Frank is my boyfriend’s father, and he’s trying to spend their house money, and he was being a dick about it-”

“Okay, okay. Well, Frank knows he’s not really supposed to be in here anyway, so it won’t happen again. The new guy at the door must have let him slip through. But, because a personal altercation occurred out on the floor, I have to send you home, babe.”

“Damn, really?” Charlotte whines, looking at the crowd starting to pour into the club, no doubt big spenders. She could practically see the dollar signs fading away. Sara offers her a sympathetic look, shrugging. “Fine, okay, let me call my boyfriend to pick me up.”

Lip had been dead asleep when Charlotte let him know she needed to be picked up from work. He has work tomorrow and so in an attempt to get some real sleep, he was in their room at V and Kev’s house, taking advantage of the quiet. He’d rushed over to get her, grabbing Kev’s car keys without asking and noting to himself that a car should probably be the first thing on their list to purchase with the Bunny Bank. When he pulled up out front she was already waiting there for him, the big burly security man, John waiting beside her to walk her to the car. 

He and Lip exchange nods as Charlotte climbs into the car pouting. “What happened?” Lip immediately questions, barely letting the door closed. “Someone was fuckin’ with you?”

Charlotte huffs, buckling her seatbelt, allowing him to turn the light on and try to check her for any bruises or injuries. “No…kinda, just- your dad showed up.”

“Fuckin’ Frank.”

“Yeah, right, and he had all of your house money, and I tried to get it back, and he wouldn’t give it back, and we fought and I told him he was a piece of shit deadbeat.”

Lip frowns at that. He hates this part of having a girlfriend. It’s fucking humiliating. He doesn’t know how Fiona lets a bunch of different guys get involved with their family shit. Finding Frank drunk in the yard, Monica coming and spewing her bullshit, now Frank was showing up at Charlotte’s job. And she was fighting with him over money he’d stolen from his children. It’s fucking embarrassing. “Yeah, well, that’s Frank, don’t worry about that shit okay?”

“Well he was stealing from-”

“Fiona and I handle it, it’s not your problem, alright?” Lip says, muscle in his jaw jumping in irritation. 

From the corner of his eye he can see Charlotte stare at him with a hurt expression for a moment, before sitting back in the passenger seat, facing forward. “Okay.” she drops the sock full of money on his lap.

The rest of the ride is quiet, Lip drives her through dingy streets, in a borrowed car and wallows in shame. Charlotte is leaning as far into the door as possible, far from him. When they pull up to their neighborhood she hops out of the car before Lip can open the door, going over to Kev and V’s house. Lip follows a couple paces behind quietly, assuming the fact that she’d left the door unlocked was a sign she still wanted him to come with her. 

As he enters the room he finds Charlotte already in her pajamas, curled up on the bed facing the wall. Small movements let him know she’s crying. The blond quietly slips behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist and resting his face against hers, pressing soft quiet kisses against her cheek. “M’sorry, baby.”

She just offers a sniffle in response.

Lip sighs loudly, dropping his head to the desk. His eyes fucking burn. He got little to no sleep after he’d basically told Charlotte off and made her cry, and she was quiet as hell this morning. He was such a screw up. “Fuck” he curses, grabbing a cigarette and his lighter from his bag, leaning back in his desk chair as he sparks it. 

“Gallagher! You have a visitor!” Eric calls from the hallway. Immediately, Lip’s mind goes to Charlotte. Maybe she was feeling better and didn’t fucking hate him for telling her off for caring about him.

“Let her in!” 

The door creaks open revealing Helene with a condescending smile plastered on her face. “You’re a hard man to hunt down, Phillip Gallagher.” 

He just sighs, exhaling a cloud of smoke into the air. “M’busy.”

“With what? Work or your girlfriend?” Helene sits in the chair across from Lip, crossing her legs, rolling her eyes when he doesn’t bother answering, taking another drag. “I’m kidding. But you have been ignoring my calls.”

“Well, you’re here now. What’d you wanna talk about?”

A muffled voice that could only be Eric’s is heard through the door. “His office is this way. You look great by the way.” The door to Lip’s office pushes open again, and who enters this time has him shooting out of his seat.  “Gallagher, your girlfriend’s here.” Eric grins, tucking his hands into his pockets as Charlotte slowly makes her way in, eyes flicking between Lip and Helene.

“Fucking shit, okay-” Lip mumbles under his breath, holding his arm out for Charlotte to come to him. He watches as she rolls her shoulders back, standing straight and walking behind Lip’s desk, leaning into him. “Hel-Helene, this is my girlfriend Charlotte, Charlotte, this is my old Professor Helene.”

“Nice to meet you, young lady.” Helene says, holding her hand out.

Charlotte takes a deep breath before setting down the bag she was carrying in her hand, reaching over and taking Helene’s hand. “Nice to meet you too, Mrs.-”

“Miss.”

“Ms. Helene.” Charlotte finishes, a tight smile on her face. 

The blonde woman laughs, tossing her head back. “Just Helene is fine.”

“Mm well, I dunno. Doesn’t seem right.” Charlotte shrugs, leaning further into Lip. “Thank you, by the way, for helping him get this job, it’s been wonderful.”

“You’re welcome. It was no problem at all, Phillip is a special boy.”

“I know,” Charlotte grins even harder, roughly patting Lip’s cheek. “A very special man. So proud of him.” 

Lip watches the exchange trying to figure out if he should be nervous, laugh, or think it’s hot that Charlotte is staking her claim right now, running her hand along his hair, face and chest as she pretends to smile at Helene. 

Eric clears his throat stepping further into the room himself. “Charlotte, something smells great, and it came when you did so either you smell amazing or you cooked something.”

“Oh, I,” She takes a piece of blue tupperware out of the bag, placing it in front of Lip. “I made you lunch, you didn’t eat breakfast this morning and you didn’t take lunch so…I thought we could eat and talk, but, I see you’re busy.” 

Lip turns to her, voice softening as he grabs her hand. “Bunny, I’m sure I can-”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Eric sighs, tapping his own forehead. “I meant to give you some assignments from my dad, I know it’s your lunch break, but you’d have to stay late otherwise.”

“Fuck.” Lips breathes, running his hand through his hair. 

“It’s alright bro, I could take Charlotte to lunch.” Eric offers, not withering under the looks he received from the couple. “My girlfriend and I are meeting up anyway, let the girls hang out and spend my money, Becca’s always looking for a partner in crime.”

Charlotte looks at an apprehensive Lip. And she knows it’s wrong, but the way he and the cradle robber across the desk interact makes her feel petty. “Sure, if Lip’s busy.”

Lip fixes Charlotte with a look of betrayal that has her questioning her decision, but Eric is already guiding her away from him out of the door. Yeah, fuck that. Lip thinks, grinding his teeth as he goes to follow them out of the door. Helene’s hand shoots out to stop him before he can get far. “Oh, and Lip, before you get back to work, there’s a work dinner for all of the different departments that I’m hoping you’ll attend. I mean, I know your boss, Mr. Avery is excited to meet you there.”

“Look, uh, Helene, I mean, thank you for all of this. For the job, recommending me and shit, but,” He scratches his nose, “the texts, the calls, they have to stop. Like, now you’re visiting, and that’s weird, you see I have a girlfriend so…”

“Of course, I wouldn’t ever want to disrespect that, I just thought, after everything, we could be friends.” Helene stands, grabbing her purse. “Well, I can see now that’s inappropriate. But you really should come to this party. It’s good for your career to make friends and shake hands. Bring Charlotte with you.” 

Lip tucks his head, “I dunno, I don’t…don’t really think Charlotte is gonna be in the mood, we uh, need to talk.”

“No matter what was going on, my husband and I always made it to each other’s work functions. We always supported each other’s careers. If someone can’t do that for you, are they really the one?”

The young man recoils, frowning at the implication. Yes. She is. Period. Full stop. They were out of tune today, but Lip knows what he knows. And he knows he and Charlotte are there for each other. He knows they love each other. He knows that these past few months were the best of his life. Even when he and Charlotte weren’t on good terms, he knew he wouldn’t want to be struggling to communicate with anyone else. “You uh, mean ex-husband. And she’ll be there.”

Helene barely hides the hurt look on her face before she lets out a short, “Great.” 

“Do you think this is okay?”  Charlotte twirls, the skirt of her brown dress flaring around her gives Lip ideas that he knows he shouldn’t be having. Especially while they were fighting. Kinda. Something else he’s learned over these last few months is that Charlotte holds stuff in. When she’s upset she doesn’t explode like his family does, shit like he does. Breaking property, getting arrested, fighting. She doesn’t withhold affection like Helene and Karen used to. No, she still let him touch her. Quietly letting him press his lips to her cheeks, not moving when he rubs his hips, bringing him lunch. It was the stillness. The angry tears. The lack of warmth that let Lip know things were strained. And it hurts. 

“You look great, bunny. Fuckin’ beautiful.” Lip says from his bed, tapping his cigarette ashes into Ian’s ashtray.

“Okay, good. You ready?” Charlotte asks, smoothing her hands over her dress as she looks in the mirror. Her voice is so devoid of emotion, but her eyes are extremely expressive. Big brown pools full of sadness as they meet his in their reflection. 

But Lip is new to this. New to trying to maintain. New to trying to keep someone of value. “Babe, uh, should we talk or somethin’?”

Charlotte takes a deep breath before turning to Lip with a tired smile. “Later. Let’s get you to your work thing and after you wow them with your big genius brain, we’ll leave early and try to get on the same page.”

“Yeah?” he stands, looking down at her.

Charlotte just shrugs, reaching over and adjusting his tie with a small smile playing at her lips. “Yeah.”

And that’s the game plan. When they arrive at the party, which they find is being hosted at a friend of the company’s house. If one could call it that. It looks like a fucking mansion, down to the marble columns. Lip felt out of place, everyone here looked so…expensive, and not in the ‘I worked my ass off way’. He felt different than he did when he’d met Helene’s friends back when they were hooking up. The only thing preventing the bounce in his leg as he basically paraded his intelligence to the highest bidder with the future of his family on the line, was Charlotte’s soft, steady hand on him at all times. Fingers intertwined with his. Rubbing circles on his back. Rested on his thigh as she leaned into him. All Lip could think about was the fact that he was here for her, for them. He could secure their futures together if he turned this internship into a permanent job. He could…could…shit. Is that what he wants? Hell, is that what she wants?

Lip’s thoughts are interrupted by Eric and Rebecca’s entrance. The latter immediately beams as she sees Charlotte, squeezing her way between crowds of people, turning her nose up at a tray of hors d'oeuvres being passed in front of her face. “Lottie!” she cheers, tugging Charlotte up by her hands, pulling her into a hug. “You look gorgeous my love, who are you wearing?”

“Um, I’m sorry, my mother got me this dress, but if you wanna pull the tag out-”

“Oh, no, honey it’s fine. You can call me with outfit details later, I need to go find Eric’s bitch of a mother.” she murmurs under her breath. “Sorry I couldn’t make lunch earlier, but thanks so much for reminding that asshole to bring me something. It’d be just like him to go to my favorite restaurant and bring me nothing.” Rebecca scoffs, tossing her hair before fixing a fake smile on her face, leaving to find her boyfriend’s mother. 

“You,” Lip pauses, laughing in disbelief as he stands, looking between Eric and Charlotte. “You went to lunch together. Alone.” He nods to himself, still chuckling, slowly walking closer to Eric. 

“Phillip.” Charlotte tries, putting her hand on his arm. “Phillip, we were already there when Rebecca said she wasn’t coming, stop.”

“Yeah, man, it’s nothing serious, I just took your girl to lunch, she’s probably never been to the nicer restaurants in Chicago before-”

“Man, I’m about to knock your fuckin’ head off.” the blond continues, calmly putting his drink down, the force making a sound that gathers the attention of passersby. Charlotte tugs at Lip again, pleading to him his ear, telling him to go get their jackets and she’d use the bathroom. 

“Please, Phillip. Please. Just go get the jackets. Please. We don’t have to talk to him. Please.” she begs, cupping his face. Eric huffs as he watches the woman coddle her boyfriend and takes a deep swig of his drink wandering off to go find Rebecca. 

Lip runs an angry hand through his hair stalking off to the room where the jackets are being kept without saying a word, trying to maintain his temper. But of fucking course. Of course he’d meet a girl like Charlotte. Of course she’d make him fall in love with her, and like a fucking idiot, he would. And of course they’d meet a jackass like fuckin’ Eric who wanted her, who could give her the things she deserved like nice dinners, cars, houses, the pretty fucking outfits she likes to wear. He could give her that without planning for months, saving, taking money in and out of their joint savings to take care of his batshit family. Lip slams the door behind him, going to sift through the coats before pausing, hearing sniffling from the other side of the room. “Uh, hello?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” a watery voice says, stepping out from the closet area Helene is clutching a tissue in her hand, going over to Lip. “I’m sorry, it’s just-” her words are cut off by sobs.

“Uh, shit, sit down.” Lip says, guiding her to sit on the bed in the room. 

“I…my son just called, let me know he made it back to school okay. And…it slipped in conversation, his father went on a date. He’s started seeing someone. I’d thought…he’d maybe surprise me by coming here. Oh, and I was so rude about Charlotte earlier, but my partner is the one not here.”

Lip watches awkwardly as the older woman sobs, placing his hand on her shoulder after a moment, glancing around. Sure he felt bad for her, but after all this time, he’d realized she really had been a bitch to him. And her ex-husband. He’d thought so highly of her before, thought she was the best thing that would ever happen to him. Now she was crumpling in front of him and he could barely bring himself to comfort her. “Sorry. But, I thought that was like…you guys’ thing. Fucking other people.”

“No, that was more me, he…tolerated it.” 

“Oh. That’s…shitty.” Lip whistles.

“It is.” Helene sighs, sniffing one last time. She wipes her face before fully looking at Lip. “I think I was filling some kind of void you know? Low self-esteem, issues with aging, I have them all. The only relationship I had outside of my marriage that meant anything is you.” 

They hadn’t even heard it. At least, Lip hadn’t. The door opening. The sound of Charlotte coming to check on him since he hadn’t returned with their jackets. But he did hear her curse before slamming the door. He couldn’t move fast enough, leaving Helene behind he slips between the bodies of movers and shakers in scattered throughout the house, swinging open the door and running down the steps, finding Charlotte stumbling in the grass as she kicks off her heels, grumbling. “Charlotte!”

He catches up to her quickly, grabbing the car keys from the valet stopping at Kev’s truck. The woman keeps walking, head held high as she limps out of the gate. “Charlotte, are you serious? Get in the car.”

“No!” 

“Fucksake.” he growls, getting into the car and backing out of the driveway, following alongside her slowly as she makes her way on foot. “It’s fucking dark, get in the car.”

“Leave me alone.” she huffs, crossing her arms, whining to herself about the dirt touching her feet.

The muscle in Lip’s jaw jumps, his scowl going deeper. He reaches over and lights a cigarette, smoking out of the window. “You know, you’re the one who went on a fuckin’ date with someone else today.” 

Charlotte laughs, speeding up. “It wasn’t a fuckin’ date. His girlfriend was supposed to go, and she canceled. We were already there, and you were too busy eye-fucking that old professor that you conveniently left out you used to literally fuck.” 

“I really don’t wanna talk about eye-fucking when you get naked for half of Chicago, alright?” Lip grits. Too far. He knows it immediately. He watches her stop, and look at him with hurt he never wants to see, her tear tracks shining in the lights from the streets. His own eyes glisten with unshed tears. He puts the car in park, cigarette still balanced between his lips as he hops out walking around the side and grabbing a kicking, protesting Charlotte by her waist, tossing her over his shoulder. Lip places her in the car and slams the passenger door before getting back into the driver’s seat, staring forward at the road.

Charlotte pettily snatches the cigarette from his mouth, opening her window and flicking it to the road. “Why didn’t you tell me you dated her?”

The blond takes a deep breath, letting his eyes slip closed. “I was embarrassed, and I thought it’d freak you out. That you’d ask me to quit cause she helped me get the job. And I would if you asked me to.”

“I would too. Quit. If you asked me to.” Charlotte sighs.

“I don’t wanna ask you to do that. You like it, it's good money, shit you just started. But I do hate it. Thought I wouldn’t, but I do.”

“So, we’ll talk about it more. Until we both know where we stand on it.” she says, facing forward too, she's quiet for another beat before speaking again. “I’m telling the truth about Eric.”

“I know.” Lip scrubs his hands down his face. “I know. And I am sorry that I yelled about that stupid shit with Frank. That bullshit just shouldn’t be your problem.” 

“I want it to be my problem. I love your family and I love you. I want to be part of it. I want…I want to be your family. So I care about the money you guys saved being stolen, I care if Liam’s diapers get bought, and I care if Carl gets to go on his field trip.”

“Fuck, bunny, I know you care. I just don’t want you to deal with that shit, it’s fuckin embarrasin’ you having to see my family like that. Having to kick in money for the house.”

“It’s stuff I wanna do. Ian doesn’t walk on eggshells with Mickey. None of you do. You treat him like an honorary Gallagher. Why can’t you do that with me?”

The couple turns to each other now, Lip reaching over the console, grabbing Charlotte’s hand. “You’re fuckin’ better than us, bunny.” He says, one tear finally falling.

Charlotte reaches up, wiping away the drop before smoothing his hair. “You’re gonna stop talkin’ about my boyfriend and our family like that. Nothing is better than you.” She smiles as Lip brings her hand to his mouth kissing her hand. “Well, except Chad in high school musical, I mean, I let the Troy slander go, but he’s different-” she laughs into the kiss that he pulls her into, the two of them smiling into the embrace as they share soft, tender kisses. 

The pair stays like that for a while. Wrapped up in each other. Sitting in the dimly lit car, running Kev’s gas on the side of the road without a care in the world. After a few moments of peace Lip decides to take a risk. It’s a big one, a very Fiona style decision. But those were random loser fuckers who got her off when she was vulnerable. This, this is Charlotte. His Charlotte. Who'd singlehandedly made his life better in the short time she'd been here. Who he loves an unexplainable amount that almost pisses him off. And he’s scared. Fuckin’ terrified. But he has to try.

“Sweetheart, how long have we known each other?”

Charlotte scoffs, playing with his fingers with an absent smile. “Well, three months, but it feels like forever. You know, I never know if people mean that in a good or bad way. I mean it the good way, obviously.” she beams at him, looking into his eyes and finding him with a serious face, her smile fades. “What?”

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“Hm, nope, not supposed to. You?”

His chest tightens as he answers her. He doesn’t believe in stars aligning, or cosmic whatever, but he thinks that this might just be the fate shit that Debbie is spewing all the time that makes no scientific sense. “Nah, I uh…threatened my boss, so I gotta see if I still have a job. I think he has a thing for my hot girlfriend that I’m..I’m uh really in love with.”

“If he does, he doesn't stand a chance. Because I really love my boyfriend.” she hums. If anything was gonna be his confirmation, Lip thinks this is it. Those words were enough. “So what’s with the questions? You wanna do something?” she asks cutely, leaning her cheek into his hand.

This is it.

He looks down into her brown eyes and decides this is what he wants to see forever. Looking at anything else sucks anyway. 

“Yeah, um…”

Just fuckin’ do it pussy.

“You wanna go get married?” 

[crescent-dreams]

SessKag Summer Flood 2024

@flowingsakura

For the Dancing and the Dreaming (chapter 9-12) When Kagome goes missing after accepting a mission in a neighboring city, Sesshomaru's pack make their way to find her. The mystery of her disappearance unravels around them as well as secrets hidden deep within the heart of the priestess. For the second time in her life, Rin sees her lord cry.

@ladydanitar

Influenced Sesshoumaru happened upon Kagome's social media account by chance and his interest quickly turned into obsession. After 500 years the demon finds himself in an awkward position once he finally has the chance to speak with his woman who has consumed his mind for months.

@lynnnexus

Ground control to Lord Sesshoumaru The gummies were to help her sleep, Melatonin didn't work so now she's using this. Turns out a certain Inu demon has a sweet tooth and When presented with soemthing that smells like candy, well he'll replace it for the Miko... Sure you will Sess.

Sleep Solutions Kagome can't sleep. After listening to her issue, Sesshoumaru is pretty sure this will help. Kagome is absolutely willing to try just about anything... And really, a little stress relief may well just do the trick. He's even being a gentleman about it!

@matsuharuu

The Addict (chapter 2) He's addicted to sex. She's a psychologist. He wants her... She wants to help him...

Kagome's Will (chapter 21) Kagome and Inuyasha couldn't remember how long they had been friends. She had secretly been in love with him for a long time, but she always hid her feelings to avoid jeopardizing their friendship. One day, she discovers that Inuyasha has started a relationship with Kikyo, a classmate of theirs. Determined to forget Inuyasha at any cost, Kagome unexpectedly finds herself in the arms of a stranger who will drastically change her life and awaken her deepest desires.

We never change (chapter 9) They met in kindergarten. They will meet again. They will discover each other. They will never change.

momstable (Ao3)

An Intimate Moment Interrupted  Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to

Caught on Tape Ouch, adhesive.

Family Game Night (chapter 17) Thursday night is family game night in the Higurashi family, but this Thursday, she's in the past.

@noprobllama92

inertia (chapter 38) Kagome may think she's built a life in the modern era, but she's just going through the motions as her heart remains in the past - until a familiar face lights that spark of hope once more.

@rainandyarn

Knit Me  Sesshomaru doesn't particularly care for Kagome's favorite hobby. He finds ways to distract her.

What Happens In Vegas (chapter 167) One drunken mistake. Two silver rings. And divorce is not an option. They must stay together until the proper paperwork is filed. But what if it hadn't been a mistake after all.

@sereia1313

The Proposal (chapter 36) It was a marriage of convenience, nothing more. He wanted to keep the harpies away from his home, she wanted to keep the loneliness at bay. Neither of them realized their friendship would bloom into so much more.

Security (chapter 129) Kagome takes great pride in running the shrine passed down to her by her family. However, she is not the only one protecting it, and when fate steps in, her path will forever be altered.

A Sweet Reprise (chapter 9) Secrets finally revealed, Sesshoumaru promises honesty from that moment on, but their story is not yet finished.

@valentineheart14

Eternal devotion to his Miko (chapter 40) Approaching the age of twenty, Kagome has matured both in body and mind as she has worked hard to improve her skills since the disappearance of Naraku after their last confrontation at Mount Hakurei. In the two years since then, Kagome has caught the eye of the Great Dog Demon.

Under the Veil When the Shikon Miko is promised to marry a young Demon Lord to ensure peace for demon and human kind, however there are those who wish to live in chaos.

X-box out the balcony (chapter 1) Kagome reflects on her relationship with her boyfriend that started when she had tossed an x-box out the balcony and nearly killed someone.

Yours forever A young maiden who lives near the edge of the dark woods encounters an old demon in the woods who has been enamored by her for years.

Thank you to everyone who made this flood possible! We had 20 fics updated/posted and took up the an entire first page of Ao3!

[thats-alittle-gay]

"Taylor Swift only writes about her Ex's!!"

Here is a long list of songs not about an ex or current boyfriend. If I missed any of you would like to add to the list, please let me know. I did this off the top of my head so there's a good chance I missed some.

1. Lucky You (unreleased track) First song she ever wrote. It's about a girl named Lucky

2. Who I've Always Been (unreleased track) About calling out someone who buys their way into fame vs putting in the work for it

3. Permanent Marker (unreleased track) Rumoured to be about her brother's ex

4. A Place In This World is about her finding where she belongs in the world

5. The Outside is about being lonely

6. Tied Together With a Smile was written for a friend with an eating disorder

7. Stay Beautiful was about a boy she never dated so it counts for this list.

8. Mary's Song was written for her neighbor

9. I'm Only Me When I'm With You, despite the "small town boy and girl" line, was actually written for Abigail.

10. Christmas Must Be Something More is about Jesus

11. Fearless is about her, at the time, ideal first date. Not about a real date she's been on.

12. Fifteen is about high school and kinda the typical teenage girl experience. Also for Abigail.

13. Hey Stephen is about a guy she never dated.

14. Breathe is about losing a friend

15. The Way I Loved You has been debated but is rumored to be a fictional story about someone dating a guy who is perfect but missing the old relationship.

16. The Best Day is about her mom

17. Change is about how things will change and get better.

18. Untouchable isn't her song she just reworked some parts to make it her style. Luna Halo gave her a writing credit.

19. We Were Happy is also rumoured to be fictional and about being the one to ruin the relationship because she fell out of love.

20. Speak Now was written about a friend who found out their ex was getting married.

21. Mean was about a critic who said she couldn't sing and didn't write her songs

22. Never Grow Up about not wanting to grow up and for a friend's baby

23. Enchanted is about Adam from Owl City who she never dated.

24. Innocent is about Kayne and the 2009 VMA incident

25. Long Live was written for the fans and her band

26. When Emma Falls in Love is about a friend

27. Castles Crumbling is about how the media turned on her and her depression/anxiety feelings

28. Best Days of Your Life was written with Kellie Picker

29. You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home is sung by Miley Cyrus but written by Taylor for the Hannah Montana movie.

30. Two is Better Than One was a collab with Boys Like Girls

31. Both of Us was a collab with B.O.B

32. Eyes Open was for the Hunger Games soundtrack

33. Safe & Sound was also for the Hunger Games

34. 22 is about turning 22

35. Stay Stay Stay was supposedly fictional and about her wanting someone who will stay even when she gets mad and frustrated.

36. The Lucky One is about a celebrity who got overwhelmed with fame and disappeared and how Taylor sometimes thinks about doing the same.

37. Starlight is about Ethel and Bobby Kennedy.

38. Girl at Home is about a guy who was hitting on her while being in a relationship with someone else

39. Ronan is about a 3 year old boy who died of cancer

40. Nothing New is about the fear of being replaced with a new singer and getting pushed out of the industry

42. Forever Winter is about a friend who unaligned themself

43. Highway Don't Care is a collab with Tim McGraw and Keith Urban.

44. Sweeter Than Fiction was written for the movie One Chance.

45. Welcome to New York is about moving to New York

46. Blank Space is about how the media portrays her as a crazy serial dater.

47. Shake It Off is about ignoring the criticism.

48. Bad Blood is about her feud with Katy Perry

49. This is What Came For was a collab with Calvin Harris

50. I Did Something Bad is again, about who the media calls her names for her dating life, society trying to cancel her, and calling her a snake. Also aimed towards Kim and Kayne

51. Look What You Made Me Do is about Kim and Kayne and how they turned most of the world against her with an edited phone call

52. This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things is about Kim and how she attacked her.

53. I Don't Wanna Live Forever was for 50 Shades of Grey

54. I Forgot That You Existed is about learning to not spend all your time thinking about a toxic person

55. The Man is about the double standards in society and how things would probably be easier if she was man.

56. The Archer is about anxiety and fear of being alone. It's been debated about whether it's about Joe or not. Depends on your interpretation, I guess.

57. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince is about a failing government system.

57. Death By a Thousand Cuts is based on the movie Something Great

58. Soon You'll Get Better is about her mom recovering from cancer

59. You Need to Calm Down was written to show support for the LGBTQ community.

60. Only the Young is about politics

61. Beautiful Ghosts was written for CATS

52. cardigan is about a fictional girl named Betty. The song is part of a three song story.

53. the last great american dynasty is about Rebekah Harness and Holiday House in Rhode Island

54. my tears ricochet is about losing her masters

55. mirrorball is about changing herself to fit in with society.

56. seven is from the pov of a little girl who has a friend with an abusive father.

57. August is part of the three way love story. This is from Augustine's pov who was the other girl in the story

58. this is me trying is about her trying her best.

59. illicit affairs is a fictional story about an affair

60. mad woman is about her anger with Scooter Braun

61. epiphany was written for her grandfather. It's about grief and PTSD

62. betty is the third part of the three way love story. This is the pov of a 17 year old boy named James.

63. the lakes is about isolating yourself from society

64. tolerate it was inspired by a novel called Rebecca

65. no body no crime is about a cheating husband that unalived his wife when she found out

66. dorothea is about an old friend

67. ivy is about an affair

68. Marjorie is about her grandmother

69. closure is about someone reaching out to help her get closure

70. it's time to go is about different situations where sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away

71. Renegade was a collab with Big Red Machine

72. The Joker and the Queen Remix is a collab with Ed Sheeran.

73. Carolina was written for the movie Where the Crawdad's Sing

74. Anti-Hero is about her insecurities

75. You're On Your Own Kid is about being on your own and pushing forward despite being afriad

76. Vigilante Shit is about revenge on an enemy

77. Bejeweled is another debated song but most see it as her being confident with herself and not letting anyone tear her down

78. Karma is about Kayne

79. Bigger Than the Whole Sky is about losing something that never happened

80. Dear Reader is Taylor giving advice about things she's learned.

81. Florida!!! Is about having regrets and wanting to start a new life.

82. But Daddy I Love Him is a grey area to some but the way I've seen it interpreted the most was her telling the world that it's not up to them to judge her relationships and she'll date who she wants.

83. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? Is about all the negativity she gets and how haters want to claim she's being petty and intentionally blocking other artists.

84. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart is a little about losing a love but it mostly directed towards the audience who is always pushing for her to release new stuff all the time and how she has to just fake a smile because she has a job to do.

85. Clara Bow is about the never ending cycle of society comparing women to each other and telling them how they're like the current "It" girl, but better in these ways.

86. The Albatross is a hard one but the way I thought of it was that an Albatross is sometimes used as a symbol for feeling of being a burden. My interpretation was that she knows what it feels like to be criticized and hated on and wants the other person to know that if they go through it too then she's there for them. Could also be similar to peace where she's telling her lover that you may get dragged for being with her. But music can be looked at in different ways. This was just my view of it

87. I Hate It Here is about having a mental safe space to help yourself cope when you're in a situation you hate.

88. thanK you aIMee is about Kim Kardashian

89. The Prophecy I've also seen looked at in different ways. The common theme is whatever it's a lover or just someone in general, she's begging to not be alone and to have someone stay with her

90. Cassandra is based on the Greek mythology of Cassandra the Seer who was cursed so no one would believe her prophecies. The parallel is her saying she never gave Kayne permission to use her name in the song Famous and no one believing her because Kim edited the phone call. Also about how when it's time to hate someone everyone has something to say but when the truth comes out no one speaks. Similar to how the fake video drew a lot of attention but when the real one leaked it didn't make the headlines and didn't blow up like the fake one did. There are still people four years later who don't know the real video was leaked.

91. Robin is about childhood. May be her's or someone else's. Robin is the name of her collaborator Aaron's child.

92. Us was a collaboration with Gracie Abrams.

[inkbyajm]

of unspoken words

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

tropes: fluff, angst, hurt-comfort, slow-burn

warnings: 11 year age-gap (reader is 24-25, joel is 35-36), clothing description, arguing

word count: ~6300

author’s note: this took forever to put out because life got in the way, but i did have fun writing angst. this chapter takes course in a span of a year. goodbye, 2003.

————-　❈　————-

Five

He found her in the crowd of the Auditorium shores.

Four

Her back facing him, she stood in front of Tommy as he looked down at her.

Three

Grasping her shoulders, Tommy flashed her a smile.

Two

He leaned down, his face disappearing behind her head.

One

Joel didn't have to see in the darkness to know what was happening.

Happy New Year!

"Hey!" Joel snapped out of his daze, frowning at Tommy who was behind the wheel. "You sleepin'?"

"No, just...thinkin' of stuff."

"Good, 'cause we're here." 

Tommy had begged Joel to go out drinking with him for some time, the latter never feeling up to it: he was either tired, busy, hanging out with Sarah, or whatever other excuses he came up with. The only reason they were walking up the steps to 'Lucky Luke's' was because he had lost the bet on how long their project was going to take. They finished much earlier than Joel had confidently anticipated. He had a suspicion his brother set him up for failure, but he didn't bother to bring it up, wanting to enjoy his evening after a successful job. They entered the establishment which turned out to be bigger than it appeared from the outside. The interior was old and rustic, everything from the chairs to the panels on the walls was made of hardwood. There were all kinds of lights strung up about the ceiling, the walls were decorated with pictures of patrons, sports-related posters, number plates, flags, and so on. The music, thankfully, was quiet enough for people to hear each other. The brothers sat down at the far end of the L-shaped counter, waiting for someone to take their order.

"Remind me why we didn't go to Buddy's?" Joel asked somewhat annoyedly. He wasn't the biggest fan of changing environments.

"Because fuck Luiz and his overpriced beer. Besides, I have a feeling you'll find this place a lot more interesting."

Rubbing his face, Joel scrunched his nose. "Christ, Tommy, we've never been here. How do you know their shit don't taste like flavored tap water?"

"I trust the person who works here." Tommy replied, looking ahead.

The eldest Miller followed his gaze and saw her there, rapidly getting two glasses from under the bar and serving a young couple their cocktails. Fumbling with her notepad, she made her way across to the pair, pen in hand.

"Hi, how can I help you?" and it was only then that she looked up to see Tommy and Joel with their arms folded in front of them, the former giving her a childish smile along with a wave. "What- how'd you find out I work here? Did you stalk me? Should I get the FBI involved?"

"Good to see you too, (Y/N/N). Heard some of the guys talk about a pretty lady workin' at Lucky Luke's. Description matched so I thought it was finally time to check it out and see your impressive skills for myself," he said, clapping Joel on his shoulder. "Brought this one along with me. You don't mind, do you?"

She looked at her employer, who only gave her a brow raise. They hadn't seen much of each other since the year started, since the countdown at the Auditorium shores, since she and Tommy shared a moment much more intimate than the one they'd had on Christmas Eve. He knew he shouldn't have involved himself, especially not with the babysitter out of all people; but she gave him a scarf, a scarf she took time to knit and embroider his initials on. It sparked something in him he hadn't felt in a long time, thinking she'd felt it too. Who are you kidding? She was young, she was ambitious, and he had no business involving himself with her unless he wanted to come off as a creep. So he stopped, and boy did it eat him up inside.

They watched as she looked at the clock and disappeared behind the door near the other end of the counter. They sat in confusion for a couple of minutes until the door opened again and she walked out without her apron.

“What are you boys having?”

Tommy squinted at the board next to them, “I’ll have a pint of Blood & Honey, pretty please. Joel?”

The other brother sat with his brows furrowed, having a difficult time making a choice. Possibly running out of patience, (Y/N) took three-pint glasses from the hanging shelf above her head and poured yellow liquids into two of them, the last one appearing brown. She slid the latter to Joel, then hopped up and over the wooden counter to take a seat next to Tommy.

“You have great timing, I happen to have finished my shift,” she said and raised her glass to clink it against his. “So, what’s new?”

While Tommy talked restlessly about the day they’ve had, the bet they made, and exciting events coming up, Joel quietly nodded along every now and then, but mostly he observed her. She seemed different in an environment made for adults than she did at home with his 12-year-old kid. Ripped dark-blue jeans, sturdy boots, a military-green tank top, and a plaid shirt – she seemed like she belonged. Looking was fair game, as long as he didn’t interact too much, everything was going to be fine.

One pint down, Tommy excused himself to the bathroom, leaving his brother in a situation he didn’t want to be in. The two sat in silence for a bit, looking at their folded hands on the countertop.

“We got married pretty young, me and my ex-wife,” he suddenly spoke, keeping his eyes low. “She was my high-school sweetheart, my world. Then we got married and it all went downhill. To be honest, I’m not sure what happened even to this day. Maybe she felt suffocated, overwhelmed; I remember how hard the pregnancy was for her. In the end, a short time after Sarah was born, we had…an explosive argument. She loved her, she did, but it wasn’t enough to commit to that life. So she left, and I never saw or heard from her again.”

(Y/N) sat unmoving, then took the last sip from her glass. “Why are you telling me this, Mr. Miller?”

The formal address stung more than it should have. “Thought you deserved to know.”

“Is this what you’ve been contemplating for the past three months you’ve been freezing me out?” she laughed bitterly, looking at him for the first time since she sat down. “’ Should I or should I not provide additional lore on the mystery that is Joel Miller’?”

“(Y/N/N)-”

“Respectfully, sir, you don’t get to move the boundary lines whenever and however you want. You don’t want to be friends? That’s perfectly fine, I’ll remain respectful from now on-”

“No, just- I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to freeze you out, I-” he stared at the empty glass in his hand before she took it and hopped back over the bar to refill both of their drinks. “I don’t really have friends, and I certainly wouldn’t want our relationship to affect yours with Sarah-”

“You don’t trust me to do a good enough job despite my feelings?” she looked less angry then, more dejected.

“I do. I trust you to look after Sarah more than I do that meathead over there,” both of them looked at the far end of the room to find Tommy, with an already half-empty glass, talking with some townsfolk. “It’s myself I don’t trust.”

(Y/N) looked at him then, at the hint of sorrow displayed on his face, and leaned against the counter, their faces merely inches away from one another, “You were doing just fine, Joel. Just talk to me, okay? I promise I’m as reasonable and as patient as they come.”

He could beat himself up over having his heart squeeze at the sight of her smile later. At that moment, all he wanted to do was get to know another side of the woman he could proudly call a friend.

————-　❈　————-

Summer came much quicker than any of them had anticipated. And while (Y/N) had already made plans to stay with her family until September, her schedule for the first half of June was empty. And thankfully it was because if there's one thing she did not have in her 2002 bingo card, it's a cruise trip in the Caribbean.

"What's this?" she said as she stared at the envelope given to her by Joel. Sarah sat in the living room, whatever she was watching on the television long forgotten as she tried to concentrate on the conversation going on in the kitchen. 

"Open it."

"Are you paying me early this month?" she chuckled as she began to carefully tear it open. Her hands froze when she pulled out the printed tickets.

"An all-expenses-paid trip to cruise around with us in June," he pointed at the black-and-white printing, noting her silence. "Shit, I didn't think of- You're not busy, are you?"

"N-no, I'm leaving on the 17th but," she looked up at him. "Joel, I can't take this."

"What do you mean?"

"I- this is crazy. It probably cost you hundreds of dollars, I mean it's too generous-"

"I bought the tickets at a cheaper price months ago. Think of it as the other half of your Christmas present," he explained, his body filled with dread at the idea of making such a bold gesture. "Look, I don't want to make you feel like we're forcing you into anything. If you don't want to go, it's fine. I can get a full refund-"

She jumped on him then, with her arms tightly wrapped around him, she was almost hanging off his neck. He gladly caught her, chuckling in relief. "Of course, I'll come, I'd be more than happy to."

Rapid steps were heard coming from the living room and just as (Y/N) had detached herself from the man in front of her, a smaller body crashed into hers. "You're coming! We're gonna have so much fun!" said Sarah, jumping up and down excitedly.

The young woman wasn't exactly sure of what there was to do on a gigantic boat in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. However, she soon found out they had programs for the entirety of their 4-night stay, which included karaoke, dancing, games, and trivia nights. 

On the first day, (Y/N) found out the Miller brothers had pipes on them, singing and jamming to songs from Radiohead and the like. She’d never seen Joel that relaxed, carefree, or joyful; he moved as if nothing else in the world mattered but that moment they were living in. She and Sarah performed ABBA and Hallican Drops songs, riding on the confidence boost given by the crowd cheering them on enthusiastically.

Another day passed, and while Sarah went to join kids her age for ‘Youth Night’, the adults hit the bar for ‘Trivia Night’. The following things were facts: Joel and (Y/N) are equally competitive, Joel is a sore loser, (Y/N) gets loud when she’s passionate, and Tommy is there to have a drink and a laugh. Despite the small disputes and a few I-told-you-so’s, team ‘Lucky Jackasses’ managed to secure second place and win $120 worth of beverages as well as a three-course meal dinner for all the team members.

After the event, once everyone was settled with drinks in their hands, Tommy walked towards the railing to find (Y/N) leaning against it, gazing at the vast ocean.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Her head turned, the startled expression replaced by a smile as he put his jacket around her shoulders. “Just lookin’, admiring.”

“For such a nice lady, I didn’t think you could turn so intense so quick.”

She laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed at the amount of times she’d slammed the table or wildly gestured with her hands. “Yeah, I can get really competitive when it comes to games and such. I can take a loss, though, not like a certain someone.”

“Now imagine how I felt growing up. Thank the lord I was never like that, or else we woulda killed each other a long time ago.” he reminisced.

“Where is he anyway?”

“Went to put Sarah to bed. Think he might have hit the hay himself, the old man.”

There was a minute of silence where both of them just stared at the daunting darkness ahead of them.

“He ain’t the slickest when it comes to things like this. You gotta be more obvious with him, or else you’ll torture yourself for a long time until he finally makes a decision.”

She felt pressure in her chest. Of course, Tommy would find out. “What are you referring to?”

“Come on, (Y/N/N),” he chuckled, looking at her with sympathy. “You’re not exactly hiding it. Look, Joel’s a great guy, and I’m his brother, I’d take any occasion to shit on him.”

“Tom-“

“It takes a lot to get through to him. His fear from past experiences and the need to protect Sarah hold him back, he might not even know that you’re feeling what you’re feeling. You do what you want to do, but my advice is: show him what it is you need him to see and make no room for ambiguity.”

She wanted to share her thoughts, express her doubts to the man she considered a close friend. But she couldn’t, not at that moment. So she spoke the very next thought aloud instead:

“It is so crazy to think we’re floating on a piece of metal in the middle of a large mass of water. So many creatures underneath us, so many people on board. Have you seen Titanic?”

“We are not talkin’, let alone thinkin’, about the Titanic right now.” Tommy said as he began physically retracting himself from the conversation.

“I can’t help-”

“Don’t,” he said firmly, pointing at her like one would at a misbehaving dog. “I am not letting anything or anyone fuck up my relaxation time.”

The two walked back to their adjacent rooms, slightly tipsy. They noted the darkness as soon as Tommy opened the door to his shared cabin - Joel was asleep until he wasn’t. Woken up by the faintest noise, he noticed the jacket she wore and the tired smile her face carried, indicating they had been out there for a long time. His hands clenched under the blanket at the sight of her hugging his brother goodnight as she whispered in his ear before departing.

—

The next day, as the ship docked at Cozumel, an island just off the coast of Mexico, the family decided to go out and explore what it had to offer. The activities mainly consisted of scuba diving, which Joel had reserved in advance due to Sarah’s insistence, swimming in crystal clear water, and exploring ruins. The eldest Miller seemed content and at peace, or at least he did at the beginning of their little expedition. (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice the cold emanating from him, the way he’d be quick to glue himself to Sarah even when he didn’t need to, those moments he’d be more interested in studying the bushes than interacting with her. Tommy was right, she needed to be more forward. The trip was an opportunity she didn’t want to waste. Realistically, the worst thing he could do is reject you and/or fire you, she thought, then you can go back to living your life without this anxiety. Or you could curl up in your cabin and cry. 

It started with small gestures: offering him water from her bottle, asking to take pictures of him and Sarah on her film camera, and pointing at pretty things during their diving session. Then, once she felt there was less resistance, she moved on to bumping shoulders with him, exchanging facts about the ancient Maya civilization, and splashing him with water as they all played in the sea. Just before they went out to swim, Sarah asked her babysitter if she could help with her sunscreen application. When she turned back to her towel, her eyes landed on a shirtless Joel. Her soon-to-be-35-year-old employer was exactly the kind of fit she imagined a father who works in construction to look like. He caught her staring, and to avoid drowning in embarrassment, she offered to apply sunscreen on his face. The entire process seemed way more intimate than it was. He stood very still, watching her work with such focus, gently gliding over the skin on his chin, his cheeks, under his eyes, his forehead, and his nose. Upon making accidental eye contact, he saw her get visibly flustered, causing her to take a step back.

“Could you get my back too?” he asked tentatively. “‘Afraid I’m not as flexible as I used to be.”

Whispering a quick ‘sure’, she began rubbing the cream on his shoulders first. She believed she had the green light to ease the tension in his muscles while they were at it. Unbelievably stiff at first, Joel relaxed under her touch with every circular movement of her thumbs. Feeling like she’d been at it for far too long, the young woman pulled away, earning a genuine ‘thank you’ accompanied by a smile. She had made great progress that day, showing just the right amount of affection to not spook him away. He wasn’t put off by any of it, however, which gave her a great sense of relief, an indication she’d been going in the right direction so far. 

Once the evening came, the group split into two pairs: Joel and (Y/N) went on a stroll on the beach not far away from the pier while Sarah and Tommy went to quench their thirst at the bar further away. Though they shared a few jokes and remarks about the beauty of their surroundings, their walk was mostly filled with comfortable silence. At some point, Joel’s phone went off, prompting him to walk further away from the waves.

Something smacked itself against her leg and looking down, (Y/N) realized it was a straw-coloured boater hat.

“Sorry! That’s mine.” she heard someone exclaim above the waves crashing onto the sand. A young man, seemingly her age, jogged up to her with a warm smile. “Wind’s picking up, blew it right off my big head.”

His comment made her giggle, handing over the headwear, “No problem, it happens.”

“Are you from the Voyager?”

“I am.”

“Where’s your family? You didn’t go on a cruise all by yourself, did you?”

“No, that would be kind of sad,” she chuckled. “I’m here with the family I babysit for.”

“Wow, you must be a damn good nanny,” his brows raised in astonishment. “Do they need a cleaner by any chance? A driver, maybe? I don’t ask for much, I can live in the basement. Hell, a closet would do!”

This made her burst out laughing, triggering him to do the same. “I also do all of those things, not sure I want to compete with someone over a job I like.”

“Alright, so if we look at the CV of a successful nanny, we have,” he said, putting on imaginary glasses and comically squinting at the equally nonexistent paper in his hand. “Intelligent, talented, able to grow arms to flip pancakes and iron a t-shirt at the same time, strikingly beautiful obviously, excellent cook because of course you are, am I missing anything?”

“I happen to have a natural talent for board games,” she smiled, proudly. “You can actually ask my boss, he has yet to beat me.” 

But as she turned her head, she saw Joel rapidly making his way further away from them.

“Sorry, it seems I’ve got to go,” she muttered, giving him an apologetic look as she walked backward. “It was nice to meet you, take care of that hat!”

(Y/N) was forced to jog up almost 30 feet to catch up to the brooding man.

“Hey, why didn’t you call me? Is it Sarah? Is Tommy alright?” The latter’s name seemed to deepen his scowl.

“No, just thought I’d leave you and Harold Lloyd to yourselves.” he grumbled, looking strictly ahead.

“I’m sorry for getting caught up in the conversation. He was being nice, you know, friendly tourist banter?”

“He was hitting on you, (Y/N), and if you can’t see that then you’re more naive than I thought.”

He had never treated her like anything but his equal, so naturally being called childish not only hurt her but woke something up inside her as well, all of the pent-up frustration suddenly coming to the surface.

“Fine, so he was flirting. Is that a problem?”

“No problem at all,” he said unconvincingly. “Just doing my job as a wingman.”

It took her a second to realize what, or rather who, he was referring to. “What the fuck does this have to do with Tommy?” He didn’t answer her immediately, taking long and quick strides along the sand. “Joel!”

He only stopped when she abruptly tugged at his arm, finally meeting his eyes. “You like him, don’t you?”

The question almost came as a slap. Where was this coming from? “What? Since when?!”

“Since you first laid eyes on each other last Christmas. Or since your kiss on New Year’s Eve. I don’t know, I’m not exactly keeping track.”

Instead of tugging at her hair, a need she strongly wanted to give into, the young woman rubbed her face with frustration instead. "I know you aren't stupid, and Tommy did warn me about how oblivious you can be, but good God, to this extent?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I care about you, okay?" she shouted, sounding somewhat desperate.

Heavy silence passed, the only sounds being the relentless lapping of the waves accompanied by her heavy breathing. The two of them stared at each other as if truly seeing one another for the first time.

"I don't understand-"

"I like you, Joel. And I'm tired of tiptoeing around it." She sensed him battling with himself, his own emotions, his thoughts.

"You can't, you-" something resembling despair crossed his expression. "(Y/N/N), you're young-"

"Jesus, Joel, stop acting like you're decrepit!" she approached him then, noticing the way he took a couple of steps back. "You're just a guy in his thirties, raising a daughter, looking for...companionship in this messed-up world."

They were much closer now, chests almost touching, neither of them breaking eye contact. She caught him glancing at her lips for a millisecond, afraid to move even the slightest muscle. Her name didn't fully leave his mouth when she crashed her mouth onto his, shutting him up for good. She felt lightheaded yet more alive than ever, relishing in the feeling of his hands gently taking hold of her waist. They parted then to bring air back into their lungs as she pressed her forehead against his.

"You don't want to do this." he spoke in an almost pained whisper.

(Y/N) caressed his cheeks, maintaining eye contact. "Don't tell me what to do, Miller."

————-　❈　————-

Was the concept of love complicated in and of itself, or was it the people involved that made it unnecessarily difficult? The question floated around in his mind for months, like a ghost that needed to be laid to rest. Jane Eyre had fallen in love with the ever-brooding Mr Rochester. Elizabeth Bennett, too, succumbed to her feelings for the stubborn and slightly awkward Mr Darcy. And while it was common for young women to see older men in that period of history, an age gap as large as theirs was harder to deal with in modern days.

The months that followed their shared moment at the beach felt like torture. Joel tried to balance out his life, spending as much time with his daughter as he did working to make it a fun break for her. If there was one thing he didn’t want to be remembered for it’s being a negligent parent, someone who put their work before their own child. He also spent those long suffocating summer days thinking about her and wondering what she was getting up to. She had only sent one letter to the Millers for the entire duration of the season - it was a beautiful postcard along with a picture of herself and her friends surrounded by greenery. The back of the card read:

Dear Joel,

I hope your summer is going well. Mine certainly is! I sent you a picture of me and my friends in the middle of a hike, which was very difficult but oh so worth it! The views are spectacular here, I wish you could see it for yourself. Many kisses to you, to Tommy, and especially to Saz.

With love,

She seemed so happy, her face beaming despite her sore limbs and sweaty skin. She deserved that kind of life, the kind where she would smile and laugh more often than she cried or frowned, the kind where she could rely on her partner at all times to have her needs met and her concerns heard, the kind she would feel supported even for the smallest things. Joel wanted to give her that life, but he wasn’t sure if he could. What she didn’t deserve was unanswered calls, postponed dates, tired exchanges, weird glances, constant worry, concerned comments, or countless excuses. It wasn’t a certainty that life with him would be like that, but it was a possibility, which was already too much of a risk. She might have reconsidered her feelings already, using her time away to really think about what she was getting into. He didn’t know when she’d be back, either, so instead of obsessing over it, he decided to occupy his mind with other things.

When his 35th birthday came around, it started just about how he expected it to. He woke up, feeling just as old as ever, got dressed, and went downstairs to be welcomed by the sight of Sarah setting up his birthday breakfast with Tommy’s very generous help. Afterward, they packed Tommy’s truck for the day, drove the child to school, and went to work. In the evening, on their way home, Joel noticed how weirdly non-talkative his brother was, letting the radio fill the silence instead.

“What’s going on?”

Tommy looked at him confusedly, “What do you mean?”

“You’re awfully silent.”

“What, am I not allowed to be?” he chuckled in response. “Do you want me to talk? ‘Cause I can. In fact, I was thinking about how Johnny-”

“Never mind, just- just forget I said anything.” Joel sighed, dismissing the conversation with a wave of his hand.

Once they parked in front of the garage, the absence of light in the house didn’t go unnoticed by the owner.

“Did Sarah tell you about goin’ to a friend’s?” he asked, suddenly anxious.

“I don’t recall. Maybe she went to bed.” his brother shrugged, prompting his brother to check his watch. It was only half past eight.

Carefully, he walked up to the door, its unlocked state rendering him vigilant, and cautiously walked into the pitch-black living room.

“Sarah?” he called out into what seemed to be an empty room.

Before he could take another step, all of the smaller lights turned on simultaneously as a group of people yelled ‘Surprise!’, each of them wearing some kind of silly party accessories such as a hat, oversized colorful glasses, or a boa. He also noted the sudden presence of confetti on himself, turning his head to see Tommy grinning with a party popper in his hand. The individuals standing in his home were all the closest he had to ‘friends’: people he had worked and gotten along with, a couple of dads he befriended through Sarah’s soccer games and the Adlers. Everyone took turns to hug the birthday boy before engaging in conversations in separate parts of the room. Sarah was the last and he gladly swept her into the biggest and warmest hug, immensely proud of his little girl.

“Did you plan this?”

“Yeah, Uncle Tommy helped. Do you like it?”

It was only then that he really looked at the way the space was decorated with streamers, balloons, cut-outs, and a big banner that read ‘Happy 35th, Joel’.

“I love it, baby girl, thank you.” he squeezed her one more time before letting go and walking over to catch up with every guest. 

Everyone served themselves to the food put out on the coffee table, something the guests contributed to: deviled eggs, cheese pretzels, small cups of hummus and veggie sticks, fried shrimp, and a very well-assembled charcuterie board. After about an hour of chatting, Sarah announced it was time for his gift. His eyes were covered with a bandana then he heard her scurrying away towards the kitchen, turning the lights off on the way. He sat there for a few seconds and then heard it. He wasn’t sure if his ears were deceiving him, making him think (Y/N) was singing happy birthday to him. The pit in his stomach grew. She isn’t here, you’re making it up, you are losing it. But she sounded so vivid. When the song was over, he lowered the bandana with shaking hands and saw her standing in front of him, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the candles on the cake held by his daughter. Without thinking, he took a couple of steps and crashed his lips on hers rougher than he intended to. The deafening applause and cheering were drowned out by his emotions as he felt her flesh under his palms, desperately clinging onto her waist with one hand and her head with the other. Once they parted to catch their breath, he pressed his forehead against hers, wanting to keep her as close as possible.

“I missed you,” he whispered, the most vulnerable he’d ever been in front of others. “So damn much.”

“I missed you too,” she gently ran her thumbs across his cheeks, feeling many butterflies at the sight of his smile. “I meant what I said on the beach. I want to do this and a million more things with you.”

Their moment had to be interrupted by Tommy shoving a camcorder in their faces, asking to ‘say hello to the future’. Joel’s only response was to try and get the camera back (to no avail). The candles, long blown out by Sarah, were lit once more so he could properly make a wish. And all he could hope for as he stood there, surrounded by the people closest to him, was more moments just like it.

————-　❈　————-

Things only looked up for the pair from then on. They celebrated every single holiday together, dressed up for Halloween (after much pleading from (Y/N), who did not spare Joel’s little brother from her shenanigans) to enjoy the festivities with Sarah, organized countless movie nights and board-game sessions, and even frequented Sarah’s soccer games together more often than not. Everything was going smoothly until after her graduation when both of them realized what it meant for their future.

The weeks that followed were nothing but tense. It started with Joel distancing himself for no apparent reason, which naturally caused his lover to start asking questions. She was frustrated she had to pry him back open after they’d spent so much time together. He was avoidant, he was cold, and he made excuses, leading to the biggest argument they’d ever had after she barged into his house one evening when Sarah was away. It was a lot of yelling, many accusations, and even more words neither of them really meant.

“I can’t do this if you don’t talk to me, Joel.”

“Then don’t. Go,” he was heaving. She’d never seen him so angry. “I warned you. At the very beginning. I warned you and you didn’t listen, so this is all on you.”

She stepped out into the summer night with her face stained with endless tears, her eyes puffy, and her throat raw, hiccupping all the way to her car. As soon as the door closed, she broke down again, pouring her grief onto her steering wheel. That night was the last time she would visit the Miller residence. She said goodbye to Sarah alone a few weeks later, just before hitting the road. She would, however, see Joel again months later.

————-　❈　————-

September 26th, 2003.

09:06 pm

She walked down the street in downtown Austin, heading towards the bus that would take her on an hour-and-a-half trip to San Antonio. Vehicle in sight, she was only a few feet away from leaving the city behind before a voice called her name. She didn’t need to turn around to identify it. She wanted to be dramatic and petty and just get on the bus and not dwell on the past, but the past caught up to her. The past stood behind her as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, cursing her treacherous heart, her stupid heart, her naive heart that got her into this mess in the first place. Love and hatred pulled her in opposite directions, and she realized then that despite seemingly having made her mind up at the start of summer, she was to decide her future right then and there: standing at the border of two lives with little to no time. 

He called out for her again, and she gave in, owing herself a proper resolution to that affair.

“Hi, Joel.” she said, her tone flat as if talking to a stranger.

“I thought you left months ago.”

“I went on a trip around the country with some friends. They canceled my flight in San Antonio last week, and rescheduled it to 5 am tomorrow.” 

The rescheduling was a pain in the ass. It meant she had to either book a cheap hotel near the airport and pray she wouldn’t miss her flight, or worse, sleep directly at the terminal. She had a strange sensation the universe was trying to stop her from going anywhere.

“Oh, well,” he mumbled, his hands in his jean pockets, finding sudden interest in his shoes. “I’m sorry.”

Feeling like this interaction was going nowhere, (Y/N) bid him a good night and resumed her walk towards the bus. 

“For everything. I’m sorry for all of it.” his voice came closer. The feeling of deep-rooted sadness battled with the sensation of pent-up anger for control of her mind and body.

She scoffed, revealing a bit of that irritation, “And you call me difficult.”

“Look, I know, alright? I know I’m a stubborn asshole. I know that I can be cold and distant, I know I’m not very good at communicating. I wish-” he paused to catch his breath, or maybe think about his words before they slipped out. “I wish you hadn’t seen that side of me. God knows I haven’t felt so…at peace until I met you. I like who I am when you’re around, you balance me out. It’s selfish, very selfish, I mean you’ve got a whole future ahead of you, so many promising opportunities. And I guess I wanted to spare you from crashing and burning down the line, chained down to some guy going through a midlife crisis in Austin. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did that night and I won’t ever forgive myself for it, but I couldn’t bear the thought of you believing those words, so here I am.”

By the end of his monologue, small salty drops stained the ground beneath (Y/N)’s feet. Her heart ached for two reasons: the reassurance that he didn’t grow tired of her after all, and the grief of having to lose her love once again. She turned back to face him, noting his pleading eyes, and silently went up to wrap her arms around his neck, feeling his warmth, taking in his cologne, for the last time.

“I forgive you.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I forgive you, Joel. Happy birthday.” Her hands stroked the back of his head soothingly. She realized he was crying too, her jacket bunched up in his fists, his heart audibly breaking.

This wasn’t a fairytale, like the ones she used to read to Sarah. It wasn’t one of her period romance novels. Their story came to a bittersweet end; she felt thankful, however, that it had an end at all.

“Please be happy, okay? I don’t want you sulking around just because I’m not here to act as your personal cheerleader.” she spoke quietly, holding his face, her world, in her hands.

Joel chuckled through tears, “Don’t worry, Sarah can cover for you.”

The mention of her name caused another round of tears to pool in her eyes. “Tell Saz I’m sorry, and that I love her greatly. Tell Tommy I’ll miss him too; his snoring, not so much.”

After another beat of laughter and silence, the two reluctantly parted, acknowledging that her bus was to leave at any minute. Before he lost her for good, Joel pulled her in for one last kiss, sharing her pain and heartache.

“Be good.” she whispered into his lips before forcing herself to board the bus with a heavy heart.

She saw him outside her window, putting up a palm against the glass for her to mimic. As the bus drove away from its station, she watched as her lover became smaller and smaller before receding from her view. With the family she cared for behind her, the young woman observed the disappearing scenery of the city she called her second home with a fresh set of tears.

————-　❈　————-

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

tags: @elliaze @joeldjarin

[lonelylonelyghost]

Re-watch of The Spirealm. Episode 36

Everything is great, nothing bad is happening with anybody, everything is finefinefinefinefinefinefi

"Who asked you to save me?"

"Ge, I have nothing left for you. I'll leave you the hope to live."

That is... a lot to ask of someone whose soul has just been broken in two

"Go ahead, put anything." What on earth am I supposed to put here?! Fuck you

Remember when this show was fun?

"From mother: Can we meet up?"

Oh please no...

There's nothing worse than still have a hope for them to change

He was so giddy and full of tentative excitement when meeting his mother, even after all that she'd done to him. But then...

"Qiushi, when I came down here, I told my family that I was talking out the trash."

And you see all that light slowly draining from his face.

"A few days ago, did you and a good-looking young man come to sneak a peak at me and your sister? Thank you for not coming up to us. If your little sister had seen you, her father would've been angry."

Just... so casually cruel.

Before, all those villains were despicable, but you kinda understand them - they're driven by greed, power or just simple desire to survive and see another day. It's selfish, and it's human.

But this - like, how can a person, any living being, be like this?

And to hammer the last nail in the coffin, she does not return the bag of cash that Nanzhu gave, but gives Qiushi his childhood drawings, as if it doesn't have any value anymore.

"I thought this could be my chance to give you these."

"Were you about to throw them away?"

"No! I thought they'd be useful to you. (even though we saw that she definitely was going to throw them into the bin). After all, these preserve your childhood memories."

"Aren't those also your memories too? Don't you want them anymore?"

"Don't worry. I won't come here again. Your trash has all been cleared."

REMEMBER WHEN THIS DRAMA WAS FUN????

And now he discovers that his boyfriend is not even real

"What is the clue to the 11th Door? Please, answer me, NPC!"

Just loss, after loss, after loss...

"That's right. Yes, I am the NPC who will purify this game. Only when I enter the last Door can this game return to its original state."

"You're the NPC in this game."

"Well, that's a simplified way of putting it. The reality is a bit more complex."

"It's OK. Go ahead. I can understand."

"Lin Qiushi."

"Tell me."

"Lin Qiushi."

"You've been deceiving me for so long, I should be able to understand, right?"

"Lin Qiushi, listen to me!"

"I don't know what I can explain to you. Do you want me to tell you that I'm just a programming? That once the mission is over, I'll cease to exist forever? I was created for you, and for you I'll disappear."

"Lu Yanxue once asked me what love is. I could answer that love is between Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, but I can never experience the anticipation before transformation, because I am not real.

Chen Fei asked me what friendship is. The search engine told me that however deep the Lake of Peach Blossom may be, it's not as deep as the love Wang Lun has for me. But I can never understand why friendship is deeper than the lake, because I am not real.

So, I felt confused. I felt indifferent. Until I met you."

"I'm grateful to you for gradually making me feel real, for making me feel like I can at least be perceived as a person. So I could feel sad for Li Dongyuan, I could make sacrifices for Tan Zaozao, I could feel heartbroken for Cheng Qianli.

You can take your time to think about it and make your choice."

"What choice? Is it to save someone dear to me or to save a group of people I don't know instead? What kind of bullshit choice is this? Let me ask you again. What is the clue to the 11th Door?"

"Two leave, one returns."

"Whichever one of us goes will die. Isn't it obvious? Do I have a choice? Do I have any choice in this situation? Was it ever up to me?"

"I have never had a choice. From my creation to my death."

"I'm sorry. But I can't let you die. I won't enter the 11th Door."

"Even if you don't go, my end will still be the same."

"But it won't be the same for me."

Somebody shoot me.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

always always thinking about your post that was like “normal has a very high threshold for being loved that is nearly impossible to meet and he will do *anything* to feel validated” and then today in the discord during the part where willy reveals it could’ve been either normal or scary, will said “willy fucked up normal would burn the entire world down for the tiniest crumb of validation” and just. screaming screaming forever about this boy’s inability to ever feel loved enough, he is every webweaving post about always devouring and never feeling full from love, this boy is RAVENOUS and it’s hard to understand how the oak good-boy morality can even supersede that, he has every trait imaginable to become a villain and it feels like the only thing preventing that is the desire to be good, bc tbh I don’t think he wants to be good more than he wants to be loved

SORRY FOR TAKING ALMOST TWO FUCKING WEEKS TO ANSWER THIS ANON!

Eheh, firstly *thank you* because this message is very sweet and made me extremely happy. The post you’re talking about took a good while to write and came with a lot of anxiety so it’s very nice to hear that you’ve kept fragments of it with you, I really do appreciate that!!! 💜

I’d debated for a bit on answering this privately to be honest with you, as not every fire I’ve sparked is one whose flames I wish to fan, so to speak, but everything you wrote is just so on-point and well-articulated that I couldn’t resist. Otherwise. *Ahem*. I know it's very very silly to respond to a response about an essay with what is essentially another essay, but you see, in thinking of how to answer your message, I got a little caught amongst many other things that have been on my mind... And I've seen some takes that have annoyed me for one reason or another and couldn't decide how to address those and. Well. Ultimately I decided that the stuff I wanted to talk about was connected *enough* to the stuff brought up in your message (as well as in my original post) that I could put it all together, soooooooo if you'll entertain me rambling once more~

Let's start by saying that, I recently saw a take going around stating that “Scary’s internal issues caused her external issues while Normal’s external issues caused his internal issues” (among a number of other statements that I frankly found pretty questionable), and I must say, for reasons that I hope to explain, I disagree with this assertion on both accounts!

In Scary’s case, this statement completely erases and undermines the trauma of her dad walking out, and what that does not only to her confidence and sense of self-worth, but to her relationship with her mother as well. And the degree of the impact of this external trauma on her internal view towards and treatment of herself is clear as day just by looking at the stark contrast between Terri and Scary. Scary (Terri) is someone who once had confidence in herself and could find validation and motivation internally, most recently evidenced by Terri's words of encouragement to Scary whilst under beacon of hope:

But then her dad leaves, and things get harder at home, and Scary starts to fight with her mom (her mom who she once called her best friend!!!), and she starts to feel worthless and unlovable- something that only gets worse with time as Willy alienates her from the rest of the group, case in point with this revealing exchange:  

No one’s told her they’re proud of her in a long time (sound familiar??),

her teachers at school shut her down when she tries to speak her mind or otherwise dismiss her behavior as “acting out” seemingly without any sort of intervention or attempt to actually check in with her,

[the above teen fact is from episode 31]

Only then, in response to her diminished sense of self-worth does she begin to cut herself off from the rest of the world and from her former self, most importantly quitting soccer (which we know matters a lot to her!),

and those things leave her even more vulnerable and supportless and ashamed. Not to mention all the mixed emotions she must feel when Terry walks into the picture, between actually liking him but not being able to see his love as genuine due to her relationship with her bio dad and all the frustration and shame she must feel as a result.

This is not to claim that Scary’s internal struggles do not inform a lot of what happens to her and the people around her over the run of the season- of course they do! (In fact some of the later things mentioned above are examples of that- I guess I got a bit carried away). But Scary’s major internal struggles that affect her throughout the course of the adventure are preceded by a slew of important external events that negatively affect her psyche and are in many cases out of her control. Scary’s internal struggles did not originate in a vacuum, and I absolutely would not say that they “caused” the bulk of what she has been through.

Unlike Scary, Norm’s excessive dependency on external validation to feel like he’s worth anything begins when he is very young. [Emphasis on “excessive” here, since obviously everyone requires validation from others to some degree, the point being just that this trait is so very pronounced in Normal and, as I argued a bit in the post anon is referring to, usually the most important factor informing his courses of action, superseding (but not implying the absence of) any desire to be good and help those around him. Will’s statement (the one which anon quotes) seems to corroborate this.] We know that things go so far back from Sparrow’s account in episode 17:

It’s important that this is about Normal’s kindergarten experiences too, because it tells us that Normal’s predominant internal issues go back farther than this and hence were not caused in and of themselves by his peers- instead being perhaps more fundamental to who he is as a person.

This is not to say that external events do not exacerbate the state of Normal’s psyche. In his youth most notably, we can infer that he interpreted Hero’s treatment (which of course he did not understand at the time to be her training) as favoritism, and I think it’s pretty clear by this point that his resentment of her is tied to the degradation of self-esteem that he experienced as a result.

Then of course there is the dance. Sparrow’s words to Normal during the dance obviously consist of a very pivotal moment for Norm within the context of the season, but I think it’s important to remember and not erase the fact that Normal’s internal issues with validation do not begin at the dance, as established in the kindergarten case but also further exemplified by Norm’s primary motive in becoming the school’s mascot in the first place (to get everybody to like him). I think it’s important to remember this in part since it informs so much of Normal’s reaction to what his father has to say, immediately afterwards but also throughout the whole rest of the season. No kid wants to hear that their parent isn’t proud of them, but the severity of the response to this sort of statement is going to vary drastically depending on the person, and in Norm’s case, given his natural disposition, it’s devastating. [and I swear there’s a teen talk moment where Will says basically this but I can’t find it for the life of me rn damn it lol maybe I’ll edit in the clip later if I do]

Of course in this specific case, one can still mostly say that the problem stems from outside of Normal, and that his preexisting issues exacerbate his response but are definitely not the cause of it. Outside of this instance, however, this is not always true! In fact, Normal’s excessive dependency on external validation and related rejection sensitivity (negatively) inform a large amount of his interactions with those around him, particularly Lincoln and Taylor (imagine me underlining “Taylor” several times as I say this). Truthfully that’s a whole ramble on its own, but with respect to more recent events, I have to admit that I was genuinely quite irked to find a lot of people blaming Taylor and Lincoln for Norm’s response to their uh. mech shenanigans in episode 37, choosing to frame this as an act of moral failing or even malice on their part, rather than a reflection of Normal’s own issues and room for growth. Lincoln and Taylor were simply focused on the mission at hand, and there was no good reason realistically speaking to have expected them to be aware of Normal’s emotional state at that point in time (or in general, to be aware of the jealousy their bonding moments evoke within Norm- particularly when Normal consistently fails to communicate and address those emotions with them in a manner that is direct and not passive-aggressive). Lincoln in particular is very clearly stated as not even having fun in that moment, very understandably being focused instead on the fact that his friend Scary is around his father, who he just witnessed, you know, murder someone. This is not an instance of the world going against Norm for no good reason other than to put him through it, this is a very clear example of Normal’s internal issues affecting the way he perceives external events in a manner that is not actually very reflective of the reality of the situation, and which of course feeds in further to his cycle of self-loathing (and I won’t go into it here since I sort of did in the post anon is responding to- but Normal’s negative reaction to Lincoln breaking the pick to gain Scary’s trust is another important example of this [tbh all the more so now coupled with the hypocrisy of how he handles the anchor in Goofs but that’s a tangent]). As aforementioned, Norm also struggles a good chunk of the time to actually explain his feelings in a manner that is direct and does not rely on blaming others for not picking up on his dejection, as exemplified in how this discussion goes with Lincoln in the most recent episode:

The treatment from fandom of this whole instance being reflective of a reoccurring issue I tend to have with a large chunk of the fandom, wherein the collective memory of canon tends towards getting warped to account for Norm’s mental state. Sometimes that’s hailing him as some morally-perfect, emotional reincarnate of Henry (as though the pride layer didn’t happen, as though Goofs didn’t happen, as though all of Norm’s relationship with Taylor isn’t what it is- …I feel like I should stop implying stuff about the significance Taylor and Norm’s relationship and not elaborating but it really is an essay in and of itself LOL), other times it’s just downright turning everyone around Normal into a villain, a persistent phenomenon which I sort of illustrated in the above example but also touched upon in an earlier essay (arguing that despite the fandom’s quick jump to villainize him- Lincoln breaking the guitar pick would prove to be an act of love). Sparrow also takes a good brunt of the damage from this. Sparrow saying he’s not proud of Normal gets turned into Sparrow not loving Normal (despite an abundance of proof in canon to the contrary), his apology for what he said and the support he shows for Norm in light of his alternative plan on dealing with the Doodler are completely ignored by most of the fandom, as are any other demonstrations of emotional availability and shows of growth that he displays throughout the course of the season, and the true motives behind Sparrow’s insistence on Normal living a “normal” life- to protect him from the childhood that he but also that Hero had to undergo- is somehow framed as Sparrow actually holding some kind of favoritism for Hero. It’s as though there is a complete inability on a larger scale within the fandom to see Sparrow as separate character outside of the filter of Norm’s emotions, and the other teens (including Hermie) get a similar if less pronounced treatment.

[Actually, I would argue that to some degree all of the kiddads except Terry (and Lark since he’s not officially a dad) tend to be perceived and criticized predominantly through the noise of their respective child’s emotions/behavior. In Grant’s case, Lincoln 1. spends a good part of the earlier half of the season asserting that his dads are the best dads in the world despite everything going on and 2. has a very unfortunate tendency to compartmentalize and push down his negative emotions as much as possible- in typical Wilson fashion- so the complexity and severity of Lincoln’s issues with his dad generally go understated, and only now that Lincoln has begun to be more vocal and upfront about his issues has some of Grant’s parenting finally begun to come under fire, and even then mostly only his more recent transgressions. In Taylor’s case, Taylor’s emotional security/stability and general fondness for his dad mean that Nicky is being hailed by many people as “the best dad” where in fact Nicky- while certainly helping the teens out in many ways and perhaps even acting as a friend to them- has done just about jack shit for Taylor as a *father*, and really if Taylor has anyone to thank for being as well-adjusted as he is now, it’s definitely his mom! But I digress.]

Normal and Scary are very similar, but the way fandom treats them is very different. People (mostly) seem to be able to acknowledge that Scary, in spite of her mistakes and flaws, is a scared, tired kid with a good heart who is capable and deserving of love. In Normal’s case, I just can’t seem to shake the impression that the fandom (in general) would rather strip Norm of all the things that make his character complex, and nuanced, and flawed, reducing him to an utterly uninteresting husk of a character before depicting him as anything other than a perfect goody-two-shoes who has never hurt anybody in his entire life or daring to acknowledge the fact that “Normal has been through a lot, is hurt, and deserves a good support system and emotional validation” and “Normal can at many times be his own worst enemy, sometimes makes mistakes that affect those around him, and has room to grow emotionally” are notions that can and should coexist. Or at least, that's my two cents on the matter.

[zahri-melitor]

Recent Reads: Batbooks to December 2020

Batgirl 2016: Let's run through all the writers.

Hope Larsen (#1-23): I think my most overwhelming reaction to this run was at least it's not Brendan Fletcher. I think Larsen was still struggling with writing Babs as way too young during her run, though it was at least feeling like her early-mid 20s rather than an 18 year old. In terms of direction, it felt a bit aimless at times; it was still trying to find a direction to take Babs in. The best parts of the entire run were a single issue where Babs rescues some kidnapped animals with one of the kids from her coding class and Selina, and a flashback story with Dick looking at their earlier days, that ended with something that ends up turning up a lot over 2016: Barbara's implant shorting out.

There's a constant drumbeat all the way from the end of the n52 run through the 2016 run about Barbara facing the fact that her spinal implant won't last forever, and multiple occasions damaging it. It's clearly a lot of writer time spent setting up justifications to move Babs back into a wheelchair if anyone would sign off on transitioning her back to Oracle full time.

As we all know, that still hasn't happened, but the intent is there; DC editorial just has to commit and set the style on what Barbara should and should not be allowed to do in costume.

Mairghread Scott (#25-36): best writer on Batgirl for Babs since Simone, without a doubt. She does a lot of the work towards putting Babs in a situation where she's accepted she likely only has so long left as Batgirl; she writes the most adult and mature DickBabs since probably Chuck Dixon; and she's clearly fond of pre-Crisis Babs, because she's the one that brings back the concepts of redoing both Babs' relationship with Jason Bard, but also Babs' involvement in political campaigning. It's a run that feels like the intent is to provide a modern version of Babs' past as Batgirl for when she is Oracle again, because the history that n52 gave her was so minimal.

Cecil Castellucci (#37-50): Better than Larsen, not as good as Scott. A lot of this is just continuing playing out the rewritten political history and romance with Jason Bard. Castellucci's just a noticeably weaker writer, and less aware of what's going on with her character elsewhere; Babs is fairly involved in the background of Event Leviathan, which was happening at the start of Castellucci's run, but there is absolutely no acknowledgement that she's just been deep undercover and helping to betray the organisation from the inside. Ends with Babs and Jason Bard being fairly serious about each other and the two having somewhat dealt with what the absolutely appalling events of Batman Eternal and Batgirl causing Bard's leg injury mean in terms of Bard's feelings towards Batgirl and Babs' guilt towards Bard. Ah well. I'm sure they will have a lovely breakup off panel.

Batman and the Outsiders 2019: I am also going to include Bryan Hill's 'Tec run (#983-987) which is the prequel and testing ground for this run.

I enjoyed this, but I was also surprised by this run. I guess I went in expecting for Jeff and Tatsu to be more established and confident heroes than how they were written here. My brain was importing 'these two have been teammates since the 1980s', people Bruce knows well and would trust to mentor two of his sidekicks who needed more personal attention. And yet this run was about the beginnings of that relationship with each other and with Bruce.

I think as a run it had a lot of heart, and gave more depth and rounding to both Duke and Cass' characters in the context of Rebirth. It was interesting in what threads it picked up from both of their earlier stories in particularly 'Tec and All-Star.

I also note the continuity of Shiva in this title with how she was characterised in Tynion's 'Tec. I think Ink is right that this Shiva is interested in the concept of what being Cass' mother means, in comparison to how Shiva's interest in Cass in post-Crisis was far more focused on Cass' potential as a fighter, weapon developed by David Cain, and person who could defeat her; rather than their actual biological connection.

It's interesting, as it's got echoes of how Shiva is fascinated by both Dinah and Tim in terms of she finds them interesting and compelling and she's drawn to push them to be better; and while she did have elements of that with Cass before and not just in Cass' Potential To Kill Her, it now also has overtones of what does being your mother mean to us both? This is a Shiva that I think would still be hung up on Cass even if Cass didn't have the fighting skill she does, which was not nearly as obvious in preboot.

Catwoman 2018 (Joëlle Jones): I could probably subtitle this 'Selina finally properly gets her Rebirth moment'.

I haven't read more than a few issues of the n52 Catwoman run, but I understand it to have been one that went some divergent places. Jones takes the Selina that King had been writing, and goes "well the thing is, you didn't actually ground her in terms of Which Selina Is This sufficiently for her history" and...gives her audience a Selina that is parts Mindy Newell, parts Ed Brubaker, with a sprinkling of Jim Balent and a desire to be doing her own thing and walking that tightrope of crime v crimefighting.

I don't mind Villa Hermosa, as a place to put Selina while she figured herself out after running from the idea of marriage. It was a run intended to reset and regroup, and that's exactly what it did. The occasional fills from Ram V during the period showed the promise of how the following run can be even better, as did his parts of Joker War.

Nightwing 2016 (The Ric Grayson Era): So this really has two parts to it.

There's the first part, #50-58, which goes through 4 writers, 7 artists and accomplishes exactly nothing other than establishing what to my eye looks like a set of dictates from On High: Dick must have no memories and push away his family; Dick must go by Ric; Ric's not allowed to act like Dick or be a hero.

The fact it's plotted by Scott Lobdell certainly does not help the situation, but this is the section that is clearly written with the intention that we might be stuck with this for the long haul. Zack Kaplan's writing on #57-58 works really hard to try and get Barbara (who along with Alfred has been the people really trying to reach out to Dick) to accept that the situation has changed.

And then...Dan Jurgens comes in from #59-#77, and some stability returns to the title. I tend to regard Jurgens as one of those writers who DC can just rely upon to turn his hand to anything and produce consistent house style work. But in this case, I honestly think he is the one who finally pitched "I have a way to make this story work". I don't actually think there was a plan for what was happening until Jurgens took over.

He picks up the threads he's been dealt (Dick has a wiped memory; there are four cops & firefighters running around in Nightwing costumes; Dick has helped them out in an emergency) and blows up the city a little so Dick's natural leadership qualities shine through: and then he gets underway with his actual plans. This is all the Court of Owls' fault. They're the ones who exploited the opportunity of the head injury and secretly brainwashed Dick to forget his past.

It's a cop out, and there is SO much brainwashing over the course of the next 13 issues (Dick ends up with three separate versions of his teen years in his head), but it's clear from the moment all this starts that there is a path out of here. Dick will get his memories back.

This must have been epically miserable to read while the issues were coming out, because it would have felt even more lost when you were getting it dripfed out monthly. But it does turn around from #62 onwards and become a story with an actual trajectory.

Also once the actual story starts, Jurgens manages to get a consistent artist in Ronan Cliquet to work on the title. Which also makes an incredible difference because the art style isn't ricocheting back and forth wildly anymore. I had to chart out how bad the art situation got:

Just look at the Lobdell section. This was clearly something nobody wanted to be involved in and where they were struggling to get it to print.

It's unpleasant and it's probably one of the most miserable eras of Nightwing as a title that I've read, but I have a lot of respect for Dan Jurgens after reading it. Like. That was a massive hole he had to dig the title out of.

Detective Comics (James Robinson, #988-993): This is just a really nice little Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon and Harvey Dent story, looking at how their past working together affects their present, and setting up a bunch of back and forth about what Harvey and what Two-Face knows. I don't think it does anything particularly revolutionary, but it's just one of those stories that give you a window into how interesting he is as a villain and at causing conflict.

Detective Comics (Peter J. Tomasi, #994-1033): If I were going to particularly comment on something that stood out for me about this run, it's the ways that Tomasi's writing reminded me of Paul Dini's 'Tec run in places, particularly how he focused in on stories with a specific Rogue, and kept changing which one. It wasn't the same one-shot episodical style, but it spent a lot of time with different villains and so made a pleasant counterpart title to Batman, even if it was still very much a Bruce focused title.

I think it got bogged down for a bit too long in the Victor Fries story, and I also think there were a couple of moments where it was very clear that Tomasi was mad about what was happening elsewhere to his Special Little Boy (Damian) and tried to counteract that in the title, with accompanying return of the primacy of Damian over any of Bruce's other kids, but it was a decent run. One that you could pick up any trade in the run as a stand alone read and be able to follow along, which honestly is valuable.

Batman (James Tynion IV, #86-105): Tynion hasn't left the title yet, but I want to discuss it, particularly up to #100. The most interesting thing about this whole run is that it has been, from its very inception, a run that wasn't supposed to have happened. King was supposed to have Batman to #100 but got cut off at #85. Tynion was then a temporary fill on the title and supposed to hand it over after #100 to John Ridley for the Fox family taking over as Batman in all of the 5G storytelling. Then Didio got fired, COVID hit, everything got restructured, and Tynion had to pivot from working up to an event that had been designed to tie off a lot of storytelling and go 'so where do I want to take Bruce Wayne?'

Honestly, I've loved it. The first thing I want to point out is the very clear pivot from 'Tec: Tynion used 'Tec the way it should be used; to tell family and wider universe stories. He therefore took the opportunity with getting Batman to really focus in on Bruce; breaking him down and building him back up. He picks up the plot threads that King has left hanging (Alfred's death; the effect on the city from Bane being in control and Rogues running wild) and sets up to build an event, because Batman #100 was accompanied by anniversary issues in Nightwing #75, Batgirl #50 and Catwoman #25 all within a month. It's a situation that did deserve something big. Four of the big Rogues (Joker; Riddler; Penguin; Catwoman) are reasonably pissed about where Bane left things. Joker does want to stamp his authority on the city and betray the others. The whole run up to #100 is the set up of Joker War and then executing it, including using Alfred's death to specifically isolate Bruce and push everyone else away (because where would we be without one of the base Batman plots), and so in the aftermath, launching into a small stakes plot introducing Ghost-Maker feels like a relief.

It's just structurally really impressive work. Tynion can turn a tale and he can pace a story, which is a relief after King's run, which while it did contain a whole bunch of highs that I enjoyed, was also extraordinarily uneven and beset particularly with pacing issues.

I wasn't hugely optimistic for this run, as I knew it was going to be a lot of Joker, and it's not talked about in the same way his 'Tec run is, but I have to admit I was impressed. I think Tynion's just one of those writers who really understands how to tell stories in a shared universe in a way that tracks other titles, acknowledges past ones, and leaves stories in a good position for future writers, and we always need more of those in comics.

[starwarsmum]

Onto the next chapter of Introducing: Mousinette! Finally we see Marinette arrive in Gotham ❤️ there is a panic attack depicted in this chapter. It isn't intense, but it's there

As the Easter break approached, Marinette was snowed under by her tests and commissions. She apologised to Barbara but wasn't able to keep up with their weekly chats. She had a conditional offer for her university of choice and she had to get the appropriate grades. She promised that she would catch up with the other woman as soon as she was free but, for now, she was under more than enough pressure.

Marinette slept for 36 hours straight when the final test was complete, and the final commission boxed and sent to the buyer. When she eventually awoke, she was hungry, bleary and wanted to crawl back into bed to sleep for another 36. Unfortunately, Penny and Jagged had made plans to stop by that day and Marinette had promised to be available and not half-dead for the visit so she had to shower and make herself presentable.

“Lil M! It feels like forever since we saw you last, how's my favourite little rocker?” Jagged's voice boomed as he caught sight of her. She grinned and snuggled into a hug from Penny, making him cry out in mock outrage. “We were just talking to your parents about our plans for your break, Rockette.”

“Oh?” She was only mildly interested in the plans, as she knew her parents had asked her to keep her schedule free to help more in the bakery now that she didn't have the BAC breathing down her neck. “I hope they involve plenty of rest, seeing as I still feel like I haven't slept in a week.”

“Well, there will be plenty of time to sleep on the plane!” Penny said brightly, making Marinette pull away from her sharply. “Ah-ah,” she admonished, shushing Marinette before she could start bombarding them with questions. “Your parents agree that you've more than earned a holiday, which is why you haven't been allowed to take on any new clients, and your parents asked you to keep your schedule clear.”

“We knew you wouldn't do it unless you had another obligation, Marinette,” Tom said mournfully, regretful that they had had to trick their daughter. “We are more than capable of keeping the bakery running without you, and Penny and Jagged offered to take you to see your new university during the trip.”

“I don't even know if I passed yet!” Marinette exclaimed, throwing her hands up. It was only token resistance, she knew that if they had taken the time to work with her parents then there was no way she wasn't going. “How long do I have to pack?”

“Well, the jet leaves in 4 hours-” Marinette cut Jagged off with a screech, launching herself back upstairs without another word. The adults stood around chortling as they waited patiently for her to re-emerge with her suitcase. When she came back down half an hour later, pink suitcase and carry-on in tow, he continued as though there had been no interruption. “-and as we don't have to fly commercial, there'll be plenty of time for you to tell your little friends that you won't be available,” he finished smugly. 

“Maman, Papa, thank you so much,” Marinette squeezed them both tightly, promising to keep them updated while she traveled. They parted tearfully, but Marinette was also excited to see where she might be living in half a year's time. “I can't believe you didn't tell me, I have no idea if I packed everything I'll need.”

“Anything you don't have, we can pick up for you,” Penny reassured her. “Besides, it's only for 2 weeks, and we have a pretty packed schedule ready for you.”

“Wait, does Barbara know?” Marinette asked excitedly. When Penny confirmed that it would be a surprise for her too, Marinette squealed and immediately began planning what she would wear to meet the young woman. Penny eyed her carefully, noting the light flush to her skin and the over-bright sheen to her eyes. She knew Marinette had a good head on her shoulders, but also that she had a tendency to let her heart lead her, which didn't always end well.

Choosing to shelve that problem for later, Penny allowed Marinette to babble excitedly about everything from the architecture she had seen in pictures of Gotham, to the latest red carpet fashions. The nervous excitement kept Marinette bouncing in her seat during the flight, and whenever Penny and Jagged closed their own eyes to get some rest, she pulled out her sketchbook to jot down new ideas. 

When they eventually touched down, it was late evening in Gotham, meaning that Marinette's parents would be getting up soon to start their morning bakery routine. She fired off several messages to confirm that she was safe and sound in Gotham, unsurprised when only her parents messaged back.

They trudged to the Rolling-Stone’s apartment, Marinette yawning and bleary-eyed. The adults promptly sent her to bed, saying they would wake her at a reasonable hour to discuss their next plans. She sleepily demanded that seeing Barbara be a priority, as she was supposed to be having a video call with the woman the following evening anyway. Only once they had agreed, did she allow them to prod her into the room that would be hers for the next 2 weeks.

She was asleep almost before she had fully laid down, Tikki settling into the crook of her neck.

_ _ _

Barbara Gordon was used to long nights, being the main coordinator of the bat-family’s nightly activities. At 32 years old, she had seen her share of horrors and continued wanting to make a difference to their city. She was used to spending her days catching up on some sleep, before assisting the GCPD with cold cases so that she could afford everything she wanted.

When Penny Rolling had contacted her to help out with a budding designer's website, she had been intrigued. She had then proceeded to look for as much information as possible about the girl, not wanting to go into the agreement blind. She hadn't expected to find out about Parisian superheroes as part of her research, but she took it in stride as much as she was able.

Then she had met Marinette and immediately felt a protectiveness that defied logic. The girl was clearly competent, clever and driven, something Barbara appreciated, but there had been an underlying sense of vulnerability, which had ignited motherly instincts she hadn't known she possessed. She often wondered if this was how Bruce felt when he adopted yet another stray vigilante. It certainly explained why the manor was always overrun.

She had been relieved to find out that the ‘Hawkmoth situation’, as Marinette called it, was long resolved, and that she didn't need to worry about her brand new sister being caught up in attacks anymore. She had enough sibling-figures that threw themselves into danger with reckless abandon, thank-you-very-much. 

On this particular evening, the Bat-boys were needling her for information about her sudden acquisition of not 1, not 2 but 3 MDC original pieces. They were green with envy, none of them having been successful at locating Jagged Stone’s now famous designer (because she would not allow them to crack her firewalls, she was the Oracle for a reason) and so they had taken to trying to trick information out of her. 

“C’mon O, you know I've been a Jagged fan since the beginning. Our first date was at one of his concerts! We know she's French, we know he thinks of her as family, but how did you get ahead of us on the waitlist for a commission?”

Barbara snorted, keeping it to herself that she had deliberately asked Marinette to hold off on accepting the commissions the boys had sent her. The girl was strangely accepting of the request, stating something about knowing what it was like to tease a sibling-figure. She refused to elaborate, but Barbara wasn't too concerned - Marinette had a lot of friends, lots of them probably felt like family at this point.

“Can we keep the line clear, Nightwing?” Came Bruce's exasperated voice. “Oracle, how is the situation at the dock progressing?”

“Looks like you should be good to engage, they just swapped a couple of briefcases. I have some decent photos of the exchange, lovely and clear. I doubt this politician expected to have this much scrutiny, he's not even covering that very distinctive mole of his.” Being a corrupt official was bad enough - a sloppy corrupt official? It was like he wanted to be caught. 

A couple of hours later, Barbara signed off of comms, intending to get a better night's sleep before she had her catch up with Marinette the following day. It felt like it had been months, rather than weeks, since she had spoken with the girl, and she missed her. 

When she awoke the next morning, she had a message from Penny, who had apparently landed the day before and wanted to crash the video chat that night. Barbara's two favourite civilians, available on the same evening? Not just a ‘yes’, but a ‘hell yes’. She smiled as she tidied up her living space, knowing that Penny would want to stop for dinner after the call.

She got a response saying that Jagged had other plans that evening, so she found the details for her favourite local takeaway. She was just putting away her work when her phone lit up with messages from Dick. She was about to open them when her doorbell sounded.

After doing a visual and auditory check that it was, in fact, Penny Rolling at her door, she buzzed her up to the apartment. Once bitten, twice shy and all that. So she was instantly on high alert when she heard hushed voices making their way to her door. She grabbed her safety bat from the stand beside the door, and prepared to depress her emergency beacon.

As the door swung open, she leveled her bat at the two women who appeared, which made the smaller one almost drop the boxes she was carrying. Penny cried out in alarm, pushing herself between the two and shouting for calm. After a minute or two’s confusion, everyone had calmed down enough for Barbara to recognize Marinette.

“Well, I guess that means you're surprised?” Penny said into the strained silence. Marinette frowned at her, before dropping in front of Barbara and catching her eye. “I'm sorry Babs, I didn't think bringing Mari would be a problem, I just wanted to do a nice surprise for you-”

“Penny, could you take the boxes to the table and let Jagged know we made it safe?” Marinette interjected, smiling up reassuringly at the older woman. Once Penny gave a jerky nod and went through to the other room, Marinette dropped her voice. “It's okay, Babs, you're okay. Whatever you're seeing right now, it isn't real. Can you feel my hand? It's on your arm right now. Maybe you can remind me what perfume I chose today, I'm so scatterbrained.”

“Y- you smell like strawberries,” Barbara said in a strangled voice. “Strawberries and flour.”

“That's great,” Marinette continued, flashing a beam at the woman. “Can you tell me what you're thinking right now?”

“That I'm a grown woman and I'm having a panic attack,” she bit back a hysterical laugh. “I'm so sorry, I don't- I don't get surprise visitors. The last time someone came by unannounced I ended up in this chair.”

“Oh, my God, Babs, I'm so sorry,” Marinette's voice strained with tears, her comforting hand starting to shake slightly. “I had no idea, or I would have emailed you last night when I landed. Tell me what I can do to help you, please.”

Barbara took several deep breaths and fought to bring her heart rate down. She could hear Penny speaking tearfully to someone on the phone, probably Jagged. She startled again when Penny reappeared in front of her, holding her phone out.

“Babs, are you okay?” Dick's voice came through the line and Barbara started to feel grounded again. She let out a semi-hysterical hiccup and he carried on. “Do you need me to come to you? Or do you want to come here? You'll never guess who showed up here, Babs! Jagged Stone! Did you know Bruce knows him?”

“Dick, you knew that he knows him,” Barbara laughed. She wiped the remaining tears out of her eyes and glanced at Penny. “And let me guess, you're using his phone right now?”

“I totally am,” Dick said gleefully, and Barbara could almost imagine him sitting on the edge of a sofa, his knees bouncing up and down. “ And he said that he can get me an in with his designer! So now you won't be the only one with an MDC original!”

They had a very short conversation before they handed the respective phones back. Penny and Jagged had another quick conversation and they decided it would be better if everyone was together, so Dick was coming to pick the three up.

Marinette immediately began to fret that she hadn't baked enough, eyeing Barbara’s kitchen thoughtfully before deciding she simply didn't have time. “I'll have to make more next time,” she shrugged, making Barbara laugh, which made her beam back at the woman. 

When Dick showed up, he immediately introduced himself to Penny, squealing that he recognised her from Jagged's tour photos. Then he spotted Marinette and did a double take. Barbara could see him eyeballing the black hair/blue eye combo and wondering if it was too late to rescind the offer to take them to dinner.

“Dick, this is Marinette, she's like my French little sister,” Barbara said, beaming up at Marinette. She gave a subdued ‘hello’, no doubt still feeling guilty for sending Barbara into a panic attack. “Penny introduced us when Mari needed help with something, but we decided to stay in touch.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Dick, Babs has told me a lot about you. I'm sorry you had to come to get us after we frightened her,” Marinette said, looking down as her feet fidgeted. Barbara and Dick exchanged a look, communicating wordlessly. Barbara felt her heart twang as she rolled towards her.

“Listen, Mari, it's okay. You're a teenager who had no idea what I've been through, because I never told you. And Penny, I assume you forgot because you don't visit often, so I get it. I'm sure it won't happen again,” she ended gently, piling boxes of baked goods onto her lap to help move them to the car. “Now come on, we might as well get back to what I'm sure is a very eventful evening with Jagged Stone.”

They filled the car with mindless chatter, Marinette and Penny talking about things they'd seen in Paris, reminiscing the time Penny had been akumatised in Marinette's bakery, or when Fang had turned into a dragon. Dick kept shooting Barbara incredulous looks, but she only shrugged and asked light questions. She would have to explain it in more detail later, but maybe they'd bring it up at dinner.

As they pulled up to the manor, Marinette's eyes widened visibly. She turned and looked at Dick, looking bewildered at his very casual, almost disheveled looking attire. Penny laughed aloud, nudging Marinette until she closed her mouth with a snap.

[tay-tay-everlark13]

YOU BELONG WITH ME

I stand by the window and watch him talking to his girlfriend. She's upset. She probably didn't understand the joke he told her and took it personally.

Again.

‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do.

Taylor Swift's song plays in my headphones. Definitely not the type of music she would like. Too girly. Which is weird, because of the two of us, she's the one who acts girlish while I'm the complete opposite.

So here I am - Katniss Everdeen in love with her best friend Peeta Mellark, who is dating the beautiful Julia Collins.

I sigh and rest my chin on the windowsill when I hear the sound of the new message.

Let's go out somewhere. Please.

15:36

I smile to myself and look out the window to see him with his phone in his hand.

kpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkp

We are walking down the road to the park. Peeta is wearing his worn-out jeans, in which he looks so handsome. But I cannot stop thinking this is how it has to be.

Peeta and me. And no one else.

And I'm just more sure about this when I finally see his beautiful and shine smile, but then he gets massage and everything is gone.

"Are you alright?," I ask.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," he answers, but I don't believe him.

Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?

And for the next time I'm compering myself with her. She wars short skirts and high heels, while I'm wearing normal T-shirts and sneakers. She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers.

And what makes me more sad and my eyes are starting getting tearly. I'm dreaming of the day when he wakes up and find that what's he's looking for has been here the whole time and she has him now. Maybe forever.

And that makes me lie to Peeta and go back to home. Of course with him, because she would never let me go back to home alone when I'm not feeling well. Actually he never lets me go back home alone.

kpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpkpk

I'm half asleep when I hear something knocking to my window. I open my eyes and see him. I'm shocked but I open the window and let him go inside.

"What the hell are you doing, Peeta?!," I yell at him but not so loud, so I won't wake up Prim or mom.

"I have to talk with you," he says.

I'm about yelling at him even more, but then I see his eyes filled with tears and my heart is broken.

"What happened, Peeta?," I ask and get him to hug me, and he wraps his arms around my waist tightly and clings to my shoulder, so I can easily run my fingers through his soft hair soothingly.

"I'm no longer with Julia," he answers and I want to cry and celebrate at the same time.

But then I'm angry.

"She broke up with you?," I scream loudly, not caring that it's late at night.

Peeta pulls away from me, surprised by my outburst, and strokes my arms soothingly to relax me. He's touch distracts me and leaves behind hot marks that burn me and make me focus only on his rough, strong hands.

"Actually, I did it."

This shocks me even more.

"I broke up with her, Katniss."

"Why?," I manage to choke out.

He doesn't answer right away, so I suggest he sit down and cool down while I make him some tea.

As I go downstairs, I thank heaven that my scream didn't wake anyone else but this old cat that I've had to cook for years

Good for you, I think.

I prepare two cups of warm drink for me and Peeta and go back upstairs to join him.

"Here," I give him the dish and he puts it on the windowsill next to my bed.

"Okay, you don't want to drink," I mutter to myself, "So you wanted to talk about something." I remind him his words.

He looks up at me and slowly gets out of bed, walking towards me. He took the cup from my hands and set it next to his, then took my hands in his.

"I broke up with Julia," he finally says, looking into my eyes and rubbing my knuckles.

"I know," I can't say more.

"But it's not everything," he says mysterious. Then he does something I don't expect.

He kisses me. First, he gently takes my face in his hands and lightly presses his lips to mine. However, when he feels me kissing him back, he starts kissing me harder and more greedily. He licks my lips, asking for entrance, which I mindlessly allow. His hand goes from my cheek to my waist, circling it possessively as he presses me against him, and I can't help but think that I like what he's doing to me and how he makes me feel.

Because I feel wonderful. A flock of butterflies fly out in my stomach and I feel like it's my first kiss. Because it's true - it's the first kiss that really matters to me and while I really feel something.

When he breaks away from me, we are both panting, our lips red and swollen from the long and intense kissing. We're both blushing and I don't know what to say.

So Peeta starts. He was always wonderful with words.

"I did it for you," he says low. And this voice makes me weak on my knees.

God, I'm so weak because of Peeta fucking Mellark, I think. Only for him.

And then I actually realize what he just said.

"What?," I ask stupidly.

"I said I broke up with Julia for you."

"No, no, I understand but...," I say and look at him. "Why?"

I don't and can't understand how he could do it for me. I mean, brake up with Julia. He adored her so much. He had a crush on her for ever. Well, he never said that he loved her, but I guess it's hard to fall in love in a few months.

"God, Katniss, don't you see that?," he asks and stares at me waiting for me to say anything.

But I don't understand what he wants me to say. I don't understand what he's saying.

"It's you, not her, that I want," he says, caressing my cheeks with his hand, which makes me even more confused. "Okay, listen to me, Katniss. I remember driving to your house in the middle of the night when I'm sad or happy or anything. I remember you making me laugh, when I know I'm about to cry. You're the one who care about that simple things like my favorite song, my dreams," he stops for a moment and look down on his shoes, but his hand is still on my cheek, and the other is on my wrist.

When his eyes come back to mine I see more fear in them. And I'm sure about that I have to know what he was about to say, so I do the only thing I've got stuck in my mind right now.

I kiss him. I grab his face and press his lips to mine, just like he did before. His hand tightens around my waist and his other hand goes from my cheek to my hair, which I left loose for sleeping. He tangles his hand in my curls and I let out a soft sigh in response.

When we pull away, we're flusher than before, and there's a huge smile on his face. It takes me a moment to realize that I, too, am smiling so hard that my cheekbones start to hurt.

"I did it just to know what you wanted to say," I'm trying to look like I don't care, but I'm blushing with a big smile on my face, so he just laughs.

"What I was trying to say was that I think I know where I belong," he pauses and look me straight in the eyes, "I think you know it's with you, baby."

And then we spend all night long kissing and touching ourselves on my bed.

[arsenal-womens-1]

Prompts

Please ask for one if you want

If they are blue they are in the process of being written

1.Iv fucked up

2.Im sorry im not the person you thought i was

3.Why did you leave

4.Thyer lying to you

5.Don't touch me

6.Why would you say that

7.You saw that

8.I didn't mean it

9.I was a kid

10.“You look like hell” “i feel like it”

11.You don't remember me

12.I don't know who you are anymore

13.This isn't what it looks like

14.“Do you trust me” “i don't know”

15.I think i'm seeing things

16.Send help

17.What the hell is happening to me

18.There's so much blood

19.You said you knew where we were going

20.Are you seriously stuck right now

21.How can you love someone for 7 year then not

22.I love you

23.Its 2:30 am

24.If i matter that much then why do it

25.Are you clinically insane

26.You're 16!

27.I never got to say goodbye

28.You don't see me

29.This is why we can't have nice things

30.You could have died

31.Do you regret it

32.Tell me i'm wrong

33.Lie to me then

34.We need to talk

35.Are you drunk

36.How much of that did you hear

37.What happens if i accept it

38.Is there a reason that you are both naked in bed

39.I won't let you bleed out

40.Tell me at least apart of it was real

41.Let's go on a walk

42.What's that

43.She's dead

44.You and me against the world

45.Promise me

46.You came home

47.You came

48.Im at the hospital

49.There's no heartbeat

50.Go be a superstar

51. My mom misses you

52.what if i say no and i come with you

53.I didn't know where else to go

54.I'll never be that me again

55.You deserve better than me

56.I don't want to understand i want you to stay

57.Don't let me lose you to

58.For what it's worth i really im sorry

59.Step out that door and i swear we are done

60.What right did you have from keeping it from me

61.Running seems to be all your good at

62.Your not sorry you'll never be sorry

63.Cry me a fucking river

64.The smart people are talk it's time to shut up

65.I want you to die there i said it

66.Im i that unlovable

67.Please don't make me answer that

68.I'm like 99% sure this is illegal

69. I no apologies for how i chose to repair what you broke

70.You never think the last time is the last you think you have forever but you dont

71.Gay not blind

72. “ because she’s a girl!” “She’s a girl”

73.Run away with me

74.Stop trying to save me

75.Oh don't stop on our account

76.Visiting hours are from 4:00 to 9:00

77.Id ask you to stay but i don't like you

78.Something about you makes me want to commit extreme violence

79.Your too young to hate this world

80.Were designed to be disposable

81.Her blood is on your hands

82.Your smile isn't as bright as it used to be

83.Same time tomorrow

84.You were supposed to talk me out of this

85.Do you remember this you give it to me when we first got together

86.And it's another tuesday what's your point

87.It's almost like your still alive

88.You'll be free soon

[stardustizuku]

The Avatar of Mestionora

~ Rozemyne Playlist || The commoner daughter of a soldier, turned goddess

A little playlist I made from the start of the series; to the very end

(This was a fun project I’ve been making since halfway through Part 5. I’m so excited to finally see it finished. This was a wild, long ride, and I can’t express how much fun I had. This series has made me go through such an emotional roller coaster, so I decided to share this playlist. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as i enjoyed making it.

I’m thinking about making a separate post explaining the background of my selection. Why i chose what songs, why in that order, and how I separated the parts. But given the size of the playlist, it may take a while. That said, if you’re interested and wanna know about anything, feel free to ask! I will answer with delight).

PART 1 - Daughter of a Soldier

1.- Naughty - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

2.- Ponyo on the cliff by the sea - Noah Cyrus, Frankie Jonas (From Ponyo)

3.- Flowers in my hair - Wes Reeves

4.-My Love is Mine, All Mine - Mitski

5.- When I Grow Up - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

PART 2 - Apprentice of a Shrine Maiden

6.- Quiet - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

7.- Unsweetened Lemonade - Amélie Farren

8.- Once Upon a December - Christy Altomare ( From Anastasia Musical)

9.- Only Love Can Save Us Now - Ke$ha

10.- Go Tonight - Krystina Alabado, Emma Hunton (From Mad Ones Musical)

11.- Two Orugitas - Sebastian Yatra (From Encanto)

PART 3 - Adopted Daughter of the Archduke

12.- Chiquitita - ABBA

13.- Class of 2013 - Mitski

14.- The Milk Carton - Madilyn Mei

15.- Family Jewels - MARINA

16.- Seventeen - MARINA

17.- We Both Reached For The Gun - Chicago Cast (From Chicago Musical)

18.- Found - Sarah Stiles & Zach Callison (From Steven Universe The Movie)

19.- She Used to Be Mine - Jessie Mueller (From Waitress Musical)

PART 4 - Founder of the So-Called Library Comittee

20.- Ancient Dreams in a Modern Life - MARINA

21.- Belle - Beauty and the Beast Cast (From Beauty and Beast Movie)

22.- Non-Stop - Hamilton Cast (From Hamilton Musical)

23.- Put You in Your Place - Percy Jackson Cast (From Lighting Thief Musical)

24.- Little Wolf - EPIC Cast (From EPIC Musical)

25.- Téir Abhaile Riu - Celtic Women

26.- Fine on the Outside - Priscilla Ahn (From When Marnie was Here)

27.- The Prophecy - Taylor Swift

28.- Francis Forever - Mitski

PART 5 - The Avatar of a goddess

29.- Warrior of the Mind - EPIC Cast (From Epic Musical)

30.- Idol - YOASOBI

31.- Venus Fly Trap - MARINA

32.- Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde (From the Hunger Games Movies)

33.- LABOUR (Cacophony) - Paris Paloma

34.- Don’t Make me - MALINDA

35.- Breakfast - Dove Cameron

36.- Hit me with your Best Shot - ADONA

37.- Nothing You Can Take From Me - Rachel Zegler (From Ballad from Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes)

38.- Breathe - Leslie Grace (From In The Heights Movie)

39.- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

40.- Fine Line - Ke$ha

41.- Product of My Own Design - Artio

42.- Queen of Kings - Alessandra

43.- No Good Deed - Wicked Cast (From Wicked Musical)

44.- Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift (From the Hunger Games Movies)

45.- Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

46.- Ruthlessness - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

47.- They’re Only Human - Annapantsu & Caleb Hyles (Death Note Musical Cover)

48.- Thumbs - Sabrina Carpenter

49.- Respectless - Hazbin Hotel Cast (From Hazbin Hotel)

50.- The Greatest Show - Panic at the Disco! (From Greatest Showman)

51.- Different Beast - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

52.- Done For - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

53.- I am not a woman, I’m a god - Halsey

54.- Inkpot Gods - The Amazing Devil

55.- Sea of Love - Cat Power

56.- Once Upon a Dream - Lana del Rey (From Maleficent)

57.- Paciencia Y Fe - Olga Merediz

58.- To Build A Home - Patrick Watson

59.- Lover - Taylor Swift

60.- When You’re Home - Leslie Grace & Corey Hawkins (From In The Heights)

61.- Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

[wof-reworked]

36 and 38 for the ask game

oh shoot hi :D thank you for the ask :}

| 36. Character you want to maul? [Malicious]

Gonna try not to be too on the nose and talk about straight up villains (Whirlpool, Tundra, etc), so I mean. uhhh. This is less abt one character but starting off- I want to shake Glory back and forth over and over again until she becomes a little bit less of a dick to her siblings, especially Sunny tbh??? I think something can be a trauma response, and make total sense (I think Glory is super well written and I do love her and her sarcasm, it makes sense and I get it) but GOD, if we're being honest I want to see her like actually show affection for her siblings and let people into her life- not by losing the sarcasm, but even then she doesn't seem to really even want them around and the minute she becomes queen that's her thing forever and her siblings just sort of shrug their shoulders and leave her. It's been a while since I read the Hidden Kingdom but like- her and Tsunami's relationship always made me just really sad and frustrated, I love Tui for writing complex girls who aren't just buddy-buddy but it makes me really aggravated that like. we never got a proper resolution there OR with the fact the only thing both of them seem to agree on is that Sunny is useless. I don't have any character I would actually maul maliciously who doesn't deserve it, but I am so fucking sad and frustrated that we never got any moments between the three girls after their arcs (or at all during their books even- Tsunami's book barely has her with her siblings except to be bossing them around and then feeling bad but not actually spending any time w them outside of that). They should also love each other goddamn it !!!! they are siblings and the books feel so devoid of those moments between the two girls that aren't just Tsunami and Glory sniping at each other !!!!

| 38. Something in the fandom you see too much?

Oh god uhhh,,,,,, the obsession w shipping (including the "oMg yOu GuYs It'S nOt AlL aBoUt ShIpPiNg!!" that seems to be every other post) but like. I simply do not care about Scarlet? She's,,,,, fine. She's a cool villain and a #girlboss or whatever, I just don't care about her and I think she's kind of boring.

Also I'm tired of how the fandom characterizes Winter. My boy does not have the self awareness to even be self deprecating my boy has never verbalized a single emotion in his life. He is not the funny issues guy, he's a different, equally silly brand of sad where he would leave mean comments under people's relationship posts because seeing another person happy fills him with such unbearable loneliness he's not ready to face that he just turns it into anger. I want more characterization of Winter as just a sopping wet beast. Like that post about adopting random shitty teenagers just to show them what love is like. He's a shithead teenager and I love him <3

Mostly Queen Scarlet tho, I just do not care abt Queen Scarlet like At All.

Link to the Ask Game