#shes changed so much since i first made her back in ye olde 2018..... for the better altho she would likely not agree <3

[rosykims]

ELSPETH COUSLAND, WARDEN COMMANDER OF THE GREY

There is no Ferelden son or daughter alive who does not know the name Elspeth Cousland. Though still walking amongst us in the world today, feat after impossible feat has elevated the Warden Commander's name to the heights of near myth. Like the Dwarven Paragons, Ser Aveline the chevalier, Dane and the werewolves and beloved heroes of old, the Highever woman known simply as Ella to her friends is regaled by taverkeep and teryn alike for her legendary exploits during the Fifth Blight. [template]

[Except from ‘Faces of the Dragon: Figures of Fame and Notoriety Throughout the Dragon Age’ by Brother Genitivi]  

[ggukkiedae]

Yoonmi’s Relationships with BTS

(updated as of february 2024) (mentions of hangouts are all indicating before the members’ enlistments)

JIN (Kim Seokjin)

Since Yoonmi had become an adult, Seokjin had taken to treating her like an equal and rarely using his “oppa” card, which is a stark difference from when she was younger. Yes, she still goes to him for advice, and he is the one who still helps her with adult matters such as bills and taxes and lifestyle, but he also becomes a friend that she can mess around with like she’s with other friends around her age. In his mind, she still is a baby, but he understands that she’s matured, wants to be seen as more mature, and that she’d still see him as a parental figure no matter how old she gets. He likes to think this is her finally acting out since she’s always been a good kid.

Jinmi in ARMYs’ eyes: They enjoy witnessing how Seokjin always “cries” about how she’s grown so much. The shift in their dynamic was over the pandemic, and suddenly everyone could see that Yoonmi was more comfortably roughhousing with Seokjin, and he was responding more like he would to Jungkook rather than his previous shrugging off and fond smiles. Seeing them become more like similarly-aged friends really made ARMY realize how she had grown.

Iconic Moment: It was revealed through the BTS documentary on Disney+ that Yoonmi was the one who initially started cutting his hair off. She was given the shears by her stylist, and she was so hesitant while Jin just kept encouraging her with “How will I know if I look okay bald unless you start?”. So she cut his hair, only getting distracted a small bit when Yoongi and Jungkook came, then listened attentively as their stylist carefully explained what to do with the electric razor. She, with assistance from the stylist, evened out Seokjin’s shave until she stepped back, staring at him. “It looks good.” “Of course it does, look who you’re talking to”. The video cuts there, but the next of her seen in that context has teary eyes and is gripping tightly onto Yoongi’s hand.

SUGA (Min Yoongi)

Yoongi is still very much her dad, that never changed The only thing that changed over the years is how they both actually address the fact that Yoongi is her father figure, second only to her adoptive father, and on level with her adoptive brother. Even the other members sometimes address Yoongi ad “Yoonmi’s dad” at this point. Yoongi and Yoonmi remained each other’s silent comfort person, the person who takes their side and hears them out first, and the person who they can go to when they feel overwhelmed. He’s there to hold her hand when things go wrong, and she’s there to give him a hug when things don’t go as planned.

2yoon in ARMYs’ eyes: Yoongi and Yoonmi is everyone’s comfort duo. When they’re together, there’s an air of warmth and calm, so everyone feels better after a long day when they watch 2yoon content. They find Yoongi’s care and the way Yoonmi looks up to him to the point of taking after him endearing, especially knowing Yoongi is the one Yoonmi never fought after their mysterious conflict in 2018.

Iconic Moment: Yoonmi went to all three days of the D-Day Tour finale. She, of course, did her feature on ‘Seven’ for Jungkook. During the ment where he kept them with him on stage, he thanked and praised Jungkook for ‘Burn It’ and ‘Seven’ before turning to Yoonmi. “And our princess, my daughter. She has something coming out this month and surprisingly didn’t want to spoil it—” “Surprisingly?” “— so she had a special request. As you all know, our Miya did the demo vocals of one of my previous mixtapes. I got to perform this song with our vocal line, but never with our princess. Until today.” So they performed ‘So Far Away,’ and the proud look on Yoongi’s face by the end as he looked at her made every ARMY feel like their troubles all disappeared.

J-HOPE (Jung Hoseok)

Hoseok and Yoonmi treat each other like their own personal powerbanks. They could be tired, but, once they’ve spent time together, their energy levels go up. Yoonmi says that’s why she gravitates towards Hobi when drinking, because she’s usually a sleepy drunk. They like to escape together, as well, hanging out in the practice room or either of their studios where they experiment with different styles, genres, or just mess around to fuel their creativity. Of course, Hobi never stopped seeing her as his little prodigy, teaching her old school hiphop and openstyle dancing and watching her proudly while they learned new styles together.

Homi in ARMYs’ eyes: The two sunshines, that’s what they’re known as. Hobi brings in bright energy while Yoonmi makes everyone smile, making them everyone’s favorite duo to turn to when they want to laugh and get a pick-me-up. ARMYs love seeing Hobi treat Yoonmi like the little sister he’s never had but always wanted, too! Everyone knows both Hobi and his noona see Yoonmi as their youngest sibling at this point, which is why she even got Yoonmi to sing in her wedding reception.

Iconic Moment: Yoonmi vlogged her Lollapalooza experience, so some behind the scenes were uncovered there. Hoseok got Yoonmi to rehearse Chicken Noodle Soup with him while they were waiting for Becky, and the two ended up having so much fun that the band kept vamping the song, making it longer so the two could enjoy their mini cypher. “Oh, Yoona, you haven’t forgotten your basics!” “I have the best teacher!”

RM (Kim Namjoon)

It used to be just Namjoon sitting to absorb and analyze the way Yoonmi’s mind works when they’re together. Now, she does the same to him, curious about his inner thoughts. They spend a lot of their time together having deeper conversations, whether it be about life, work, music, or just their thoughts. On the other side of things, they’re both clumsy dorks who geek out over their recent reads or watches together, actively showing interest in each other’s preferences because Namjoon wants to stay as someone who understands her almost best and Yoonmi wants to stay someone he can be proud of. Especially with Yoonmi, she wants to make her leader proud of her.

Joonmi in ARMYs’ eyes: Though ARMY initially thought they were awkward, that image disappeared. ARMYs see Joonmi and see a little sister looking to her older brother for validation, and him happily giving her that validation. ARMYs also enjoy the fact that these two together can go from 0 to 100 real quick, on any end of the meter. From just having lunch they can either go to talking about their plans for the future to being stuck in a laughing fit on the floor over a plastic utensil they’ve broken.

Iconic Moment: During the live with just the five of them, Yoonmi was a lot quieter compared to how she usually is. Namjoon kept glancing at her and tapping her leg to get her to talk. At some point, he bent to whisper something to her, then, when Taehyung opened his mouth, Namjoon quickly pushed a piece of pizza there. In his efforts to do so, he knocked over three cups. He looked at Yoonmi, who was now laughing, and he just nodded at himself in satisfaction.

JIMIN (Park Jimin)

Yoonmi has not changed in Jimin’s eyes in the way that she’s still his youngest Busan Baby. Whenever she tells him she’s an adult now, he always pouts at her and goes on a spiel about how she’ll still be his baby even when they’re in their 80s and beyond that. He invites her over to his apartment a lot, or he just stays at her’s (partly because Jungkook and her niece are usually there as well) because he genuinely enjoys her company and being able to sit with her. He also takes every opportunity he can get to give her princess treatment because he believes she should always be treated like Bangtan’s princess (even though she’s trying to shake off the delicate image that had somehow formed over the years)

Minmi in ARMYs’ eyes: Minmi are both very very affectionate, with their habit of holding onto each other unknowingly. ARMYs have so many compilations of them sharing the tightest hugs or exchanging the softest forehead kisses, naming them the mythical siblings due to the way they treat each other. Everyone also loves how these two speak either in pout or in giggles, no in between!

Iconic Moment: Nobody thought Yoonmi would be able to make it to Jimin’s fanmeet due to her solo promotions, but, while he was going to take a photo with the attendees, the “staff” who came on stage removed her padded long coat, revealing Yoonmi. ARMY started cheering while Jimin’s jaw dropped, then he rushed up to hug her really tight. “Yah, how long have you been here?” “The past hour? I had this in my schedule, oppa. You didn’t think I would miss your documentary screening, did you?” “You’re really something else, aegi.”

V (Kim Taehyung)

Taehyung and Yoonmi both matured a lot more visible than the other members, so their dynamic shifted a little bit from overly-doting big brother and complying baby sister to a pair of siblings more along a similar wavelength. While they’re still quite playful and he still dotes on her, their age gap isn’t as prominent in their actions. It’s clear that they both see how each other have grown, and it’s something they like to just observe when they’re with each other. They’re proud of each other’s growth, but more proud of how they managed to keep their friendship completely intact despite both of them changing over the years.

Taemi in ARMYs’ eyes: Taehyung and Yoonmi started posting more content together, which everyone enjoyed since they used to keep their off-screen friendship mostly to themselves. Now ARMYs enjoy seeing their posts when they meet up to go to jazz clubs, have coffee, or just do anything together. ARMYs also love seeing how they shifted from over-excitable kids to more mature youths who support and take care of each other.

Iconic Moment: An ARMY saw them in a jazz club together. Allegedly, there were a few cocktails on the table, and the two of them seemed to be exchanging stories the entire time they were there, never once letting there be dead air. Apparently Tae also tried to play the saxophone and let out a really out of tune note, but Yoonmi just cheered him on. The ARMY was able to take a picture with them, saying that they were both happy to see her yet politely asked to not post anything while they were still there. She promised, and the two were said to have continued their night of stories and jazz music.

JUNGKOOK (Jeon Jungkook)

If anything can describe these two, it’s the phrase ‘ride or die’. Yoonmi and Jungkook would drop everything if the other called them and said they were in need. Almost thirteen years of friendship and growing up alongside each other really molded them into being two peas in a pod, especially since they both hit their twenties. They would see each other every other day and talk to each other at least once a day. Jungkook had gotten less overprotective (especially now that she has a boyfriend), and he has increased his role as the main mythbuster of Yoonmi’s delicate image. Yet, even with all their bickering and squabbling, they remain each other’s support systems and hypemen, connected in a way where they can work with and around each other without even needing to talk. Their friendship is further solidified by their matching tattoos (aside from the group’s matching 7 tatts) which they successfully kept between themselves for over a year. (The only people who saw these right after they got them were Mark and Namjoon. The tannies found out by accident)

Jungmi in ARMYs’ eyes: Ever since Bangtan first debuted, Jungkook and Yoonmi’s friendship has been something so many people, whether ARMY or not, have admired and set as a standard or wish for in their own best friends. ARMYs specifically love how they’re not afraid to roughhouse or bite back at each other but still have each other’s backs no matter what. Also Jungkook biased ARMY all have Yoonmi as a bias wrecker or vice verse because of the amount of content these two have and the amount of time they spend together. Everyone already knows when either of them get married Yoonmi would be Jungkook’s best man or Jungkook would be her Maid of Honor.

Iconic Moment: Jungkook hosted one of his early morning Weverse lives from her kitchen, cooking himself something to eat. At around four AM, the sound of a door opening and closing made him look to the side where he froze and smiled brightly. You hear her go, “Oppa, again? When did you get in my house?” and he just, “Three hours ago. Ramen?” “I’ll just grab some water and go back to sleep. Don’t wake Yoonseol.” And everyone was surprised. It was common knowledge that they went to each other’s apartments often, but they just revealed Jungkook goes to her place just whenever he wants because either he knows the code or has his fingerprint in her lock.

-previous-

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[consularmain]

Alliance Commander Ask Game

THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS. I was tagged a very long time ago by @sullustangin to do this and I completely forgot

1) Who’s your Alliance Commander? What class are they? Alignment? Random other facts you wanna share?

My Jedi Knight is my canonical Commander for my legacy. Her name is Minerva and she’s been through a lot of changes since I started playing her in 2018. She is a Guardian tank with a Shadow secondary class. She’s trapped at Light 5 because of how the old alignment system worked, but I headcanon she’s closer to Light Three. She has one of the most detailed backstories I've ever made for a character and I'm so proud of her :') She's like my child lol

2) What’s a reason or two you like that this character is your Commander? Minerva is not and never wanted to be a leader in any way and I live for that kind of inner conflict. Plus the expansions feel very natural with the Knight as the Commander imo.

3) What’s a reason or two you don’t like about them being Commander? I can’t think of anything other than I wish the writers would let her get some rest. Give me a cutscene where she's just enjoying being with her friends and boyfriend pls

4) Why did this character of all your OCs become Commander? Like I said earlier, it felt natural for Minerva to continue her fight against Vitiate and she was also the first character I got to endgame before Onslaught came out so she's just fixed as the Commander in my mind.

5) Who did they side with? Did they stay loyal or go saboteur? Or maybe you headcanon they defect properly? Minerva decided to side with the Republic, but she kept the Alliance separate and declined the offer to become a member of the Order again. She believes in the Republic but she hasn’t been a Jedi for a long time – even before she was put in the carbonite. And it would be incredibly inappropriate given a new “attachment” in her life. 

6) Are there any NPC’s from the class stories you’d like to see/HC join the Alliance? Ex: Master Timmns, Ardun Kothe, Watcher One, etc. Lord. PRAVEN. In my hc, he was on Ossus during kotfe/kotet and joins the Alliance after Onslaught. He's Minerva's bestie and the writers can't take this away from me.

7) How’s your OC feeling about the current Malgus situation? She's over it, honestly. She is so tired of people coming back from the dead.

8) Are any of your other OC’s part of the Alliance? If yes what do they do for the Alliance? Do they get along with your Commander?

My Chiss trooper, Jame Harper, is Minerva's cousin but they're closer to sisters. Harper had given up hope she was still alive and attacked Zakuul to avenge her. Once she joins the Alliance, Harper is responsible for training new recruits and strategizing for the big battles.

After the incident on Dromund Kaas, Acina sent her Wrath to Odessen to show the Empire’s support. Tegan and Minerva’s old rivalry picked up right where it left off but now that they're on the same side, they actually start to respect each other. They become frenemies but it doesn't last long.

Freya and her Clan join Torian on Odessen and are responsible for keeping the peace between Imperial and Republic personnel. Freya knows Minerva doesn't have much family so she takes on an almost motherly role, fussing over her and making sure she takes care of herself.

My Smuggler, Lyall, is Minerva's eyes and ears in the Outer Rim. He's a friend to the Alliance, not an actual member, but he appreciates what they're trying to do. He and Minerva share a history so it's no big deal for him to help out on the occasional mission.

9) How does your OC feel about Odessen? (Bonus: how do you feel about it) Despite all the craziness around her, Minerva feels at peace on Odessen - something she's not felt in a long time. She loves the wild forests and the endless lakes and rivers. It feels like home. She's never felt that way about anywhere before, not even the Jedi Order. I personally love Odessen. I wish there was a stronghold on Odessen so I could decorate it to Minerva's tastes.

10) How does your Commander feel about being the Commander? To say Minerva has a complicated relationship with it would be an understatement. Some days, it's great. She's doing more for the galaxy than she ever could as a Jedi. But sometimes she realizes just how many lives will be effected by her decisions and she feels trapped. She doesn’t feel anyone should ever have so much power. But she's lucky to have such a strong support system behind her and they make it bearable.

11) Favorite place in the Alliance base? Minerva's favorite is the little pool at the base of the statue in the Force Enclave. She meditates for hours in the sunlight coming in through the crack in the ceiling. As for mine, it has to be the war room. I love seeing my companions just vibing with each other.

12) Favorite mission in KotFE? Definitely visiting the old world on Zakuul with Senya. I wish we got to see more of it or at least get a Zakuulan stronghold but I doubt the story will ever bring us back to Zakuul :(

13) Favorite mission in KotET? The palace mission, just because it's where we get Arcann lmao

14) Least favorite mission in either? Why? The walker missions are brutal. Except for the one on Iokath. That one is so much fun lol

15) Is your Commander successful because they’re skilled? Or are they perhaps just really lucky? Minerva has worked hard to hone her body and mind into a weapon, but she also believes the Force is on her side as long as she listens to it. To her, luck doesn't exist.

16) From our OC’s point of view, SoR -> KotET wasn’t a fun experience, did they develop any fears as a result? A lot of her fears were realized. She was abandoned by the people she trusted and the Jedi Order, the only constant in her life, was practically wiped out. Valkorion was once again in her head and the fear of him taking over at any given moment made her distance herself from the people around her in order to protect them. It was the loneliest period of her life. 

She also has a fear of public speaking so she hates it when she has to give speeches to encourage people.

17) AU time! If your Commander wasn’t Commander, which of your other OCs would have likely taken their place? Harper has a habit of falling into positions of leadership despite her loner attitude. I can see her somehow accidentally becoming Commander in Minerva's place because no one else stepped up.

18) Who’s someone your Commander hopes they never have to deal with again?

19) Does your Commander hold on to/still use any titles they earned before KotET? Minerva's begun to let go of her old life but she doesn't mind being called "Master" or "Battlemaster" by other Jedi. She earned those titles so it's a sign of respect for her.

20) Share something, anything at all, you want about your Commander that you’ve not really gotten the chance to share before but really want to. Minerva loves trashy entertainment. Holovids, shows, books - it doesn't matter, she loves it all. It's antithesis to everything she was used to growing up that she found it so compelling. She's also a sucker for those romance books you see in line at the grocery store.

[the-rewatch-rewind]

An old movie with a very relevant name.

Script below the break.

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies over the last 20 years. Today I will be discussing number 14 on my list: MGM’s 1944 psychological thriller Gaslight, directed by George Cukor, written by John Van Druten, Walter Reisch, and John L Balderston, based on the play by Patrick Hamilton, and starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, and Joseph Cotten.

So first of all, if you’re thinking, “Gaslight? As in, to deny someone’s reality to the point that they can no longer trust their own perceptions?” then, yes, you’re absolutely correct: this movie (and the play it’s based on and the 1940 British film it’s a remake of) is where that term comes from. So I’m just going to give a blanket content warning for this whole episode: I will be talking a lot about psychological and emotional abuse. This is an incredibly well-made movie, which is why I keep revisiting it, but I recognize that not everybody is in the right place to hear stories about gaslighting, so please, take care of yourself, and skip this episode if you think it’s going to cause you distress.

That being said, I truly have no idea why “gaslighting” suddenly became a popular buzzword in the last 10 years or so, or how it has evolved to be misapplied to any form of lying. I’ve even heard people talk about how someone is “gaslighting” them when they merely disagree about something. So despite how incredibly dark and disturbing this movie is, I really think everyone should watch it, if for no other reason than to learn how to use the term correctly. But there’s obviously a lot more to it than that, which I will get into. But first, my traditional plot summary:

When her aunt and guardian, a famous opera star, is murdered in their London home, young Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman) is sent to Italy to train as a singer. Ten years later, she is swept off her feet by her new accompanist, Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer), and after knowing each other only two weeks, they get married. Though she is still haunted by her aunt’s unsolved murder, upon hearing that Gregory has always wanted to live in London, Paula suggests that they move into her old house. As they settle in, Gregory’s behavior gradually changes, and Paula begins to feel like she is losing her mind.

The main thing I remember about the first time I watched this movie was thinking it wasn’t a very good mystery, since it’s pretty obvious fairly early on who the bad guy is. But by the end it became clear that it was never meant to be a mystery, but rather a map of red flags to watch out for, as well as a surprisingly sympathetic portrayal of how easy it can be to ignore them until it’s too late. Or, I guess I should say, almost too late, since, spoiler alert: the movie does have a mostly happy ending. Anyway, I had never seen a movie like this before and it fascinated me. I watched it twice in 2003, once in 2004, once in 2006, once in 2007, twice in 2008, three times in 2012, once in 2013, once in 2014, twice in 2015, twice in 2016, once in 2017, once in 2018, once in 2020, twice in 2021, and once in 2022. I also saw the 1940 version once in 2006. I don’t remember much about it other than I thought it was pretty good, but the remake was better. And a big part of that is because of the cast of the remake. One of my 2015 views of the remake was part of my watching through Best Actress winners project because Ingrid Bergman won the first of her three Oscars for this film. Apparently at the time I ranked this performance as the 7th best to win that award, and now if anything I feel like that was too low. The more I rewatch this movie, the more impressed I am by what a difficult job she had and how thoroughly she crushed it.

Paula is an incredibly complex character who undergoes a significant emotional journey. At the beginning, though she’s definitely still haunted by the trauma of her youth, she’s mostly happy and hopeful and vivacious. And then all of that slowly dims as Gregory’s manipulations escalate, almost as if she is a gas light that he’s turning down. That’s not why the movie is called Gaslight, though; it’s called that because one of the early signs that something sketchy is going on is when Paula starts to notice lights dimming as if someone turned a new light on somewhere else in the house, but nobody else seems to notice this and she can’t find a good explanation for it. But watching Paula go from a lively, lovestruck newlywed to basically a zombie struggling to find a shred of reality she can trust also feels like watching a gas light flame go down. And it would have been so easy to either overdo or undersell this descent into confusion, but Ingrid Bergman perfectly balances every moment. You can see Paula starting to doubt herself more and more as her actions and words become more hesitant and her looks become more vague, until she begins to resign herself to the fact that Gregory must be right, she must be insane, there’s nothing more she can do. It’s so painful and heartbreaking that I desperately want to reach through the screen and comfort her and tell her what’s really going on. And then, just when I almost can’t stand it anymore, Joseph Cotten shows up to do that for me. He plays Inspector Brian Cameron of Scotland Yard, a childhood fan of Paula’s aunt who happens to see Paula one of the few times she’s out with Gregory in London, which leads him to reopen the cold case of her aunt’s murder and figure out what’s going on just in time to help Paula. The implication that Paula needs a man to rescue her is one thing I don’t love about this movie, but at the same time I think it’s important to acknowledge that Gregory was so effective at – for lack of a better term – gaslighting her that she could not have escaped that situation without help.

Not to take any of the credit away from Bergman for her stellar performance, but I do think it helped that George Cukor was the director. Longtime listeners may recognize his name from Holiday, which was number 33 on this list, and Adam’s Rib, which was number 27, both of which have significantly lighter tones. Gaslight feels much more like an Alfred Hitchcock picture than a George Cukor one. Cukor apparently didn’t like being referred to as a “woman’s director,” but he had a reputation for his ability to coax great performances out of actresses, and this is certainly no exception. In order to help Bergman keep track of Paula’s gradual descent toward madness while shooting out of order, Cukor would tell her the whole plot up to the scenes they were filming each day, which Bergman initially resented, but then he stopped doing it for a few days and she realized how helpful it had been, and they went back to doing it that way. I do think Ingrid Bergman would have been great in this role regardless of who the director was, but George Cukor helped elevate her to the best she could possibly be.

While Bergman’s performance is far and away my favorite aspect of this movie, the rest of the cast is also phenomenal, albeit rather small. It definitely has that based-on-a-play feel of limited locations and few characters, although that also works very well with the story. Part of Gregory’s strategy is to cut Paula off from the rest of the world so she won’t have a safety net. Consequently, for most of the film she only interacts with him and their two servants: the kind but mostly-deaf cook, Elizabeth, played by Barbara Everest, and the saucy, flirtatious maid, Nancy, played by none other than 18-year-old Angela Lansbury in her film debut, both of whom are absolutely perfect in their roles. I love Everest’s delivery of “I see just how it is” when Gregory is trying to keep Elizabeth on his side without realizing that she’s always been firmly on Paula’s. And Lansbury embodies the exact attitude required for Nancy: flirtatious toward Gregory, disdainful toward Paula, totally oblivious to how she’s being manipulated until the end – all conveyed with every look she gives and line she speaks as if she’s a veteran actor. It comes as absolutely no surprise that she went on to have such a long and successful career, with this as her first screen performance. She was even nominated for an Oscar! And then there’s the neighbor Miss Thwaites, played by Dame May Whitty, who adds some much-needed levity with her “diggy biscuits” and morbid curiosity about the house in her square where there was a “real murder!” Joseph Cotten’s role is honestly pretty bland – kind of the film noir version of a classic Disney prince, in a way – but he makes the most of it. And then there’s Charles Boyer, giving one of the best creepy villain performances I’ve ever seen, which was also Oscar-nominated. He starts out just sort of vaguely unsettling, raising one or two red flags right off the bat, but like, he could still be okay, and then by the end he is full-on terrifying. He has this amazing stone-faced look that makes your blood run cold. There’s this one moment in particular, kind of toward the middle, when Miss Thwaites and Inspector Cameron (posing as her nephew) have tried to visit them, and Gregory tells Nancy to send them away. Paula wanted to let them in but he freaked out so she backed down, and then after Nancy leaves she again says she wanted to see them, and he’s like, “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” and it makes me want to scream. Then he tells her she didn’t have time to see them because they’re going out to the theater, and Paula’s like, “I didn’t know that…or did I forget?” and Gregory, facing the camera with his back to her, opens his mouth to respond, and then stops and waits for her to dwell on that for a few more seconds before he tells her that no, this is a surprise, and both his face and her face are so perfect there, I love it and hate it so much. Like, I love it from a “this movie is so well acted” perspective, and I hate it from a “this character is a horrible human being” perspective. And then Paula gets overly happy, since she’s been trapped in the house for so long that him letting her go out seems like a wonderful gift. But then he “notices” that a picture is missing from the wall, and makes her think she hid it, and they end up not going out because she’s “too unwell.”

That’s the main way he manipulates her: by moving things and making it look like she took them. What’s particularly interesting about the way the movie shows this is we never actually see Gregory taking any of the things, but it is nevertheless clear that he has been. But he is so insistent that she’s doing it that we can easily believe that Paula wouldn’t suspect him, or that if she did, she would have significant doubts. And even if she did figure it out, it’s not like there’s anything she can do about it. She’s in London for the first time in a decade, she doesn’t know anyone, she doesn’t have anywhere to go, and she’s not sure she can trust her own mind. And I think it’s so important that the movie at no point faults her for ending up in that situation or for not being able to leave. The movie also gives no indication that Gregory is physically harming Paula, but leaves the audience in no doubt that he is an abusive husband. And I feel like the messages that abuse doesn’t have to be physical and that it’s never the victim’s fault are still too rare in media today, let alone nearly 80 years ago. I feel like back then most unhealthy relationships in movies were in the His Girl Friday vein of “they’re kind of both abusing each other so it’s fine” or would find other ways for excusing or explaining the abusive behavior, like “the abuser was drunk” or “the victim was asking for it” or what have you. And if they weren’t like that, the victim usually ended up dead. In Gaslight, Gregory has no excuse. I mean, he does have a reason, but it’s a terrible reason that in no way justifies his actions. And Paula not only survives, but also gets an incredibly satisfying confrontation with Gregory after Brian and another policeman have tied him up. When the police leave them alone together, Gregory pleads with her to get a knife and cut him free, and for a moment you think she’s actually going to help him, but she gets her revenge by pretending she can’t find the knife and saying she’s too insane to help him, forcing him to admit that he has lied to her and she isn’t actually mad. And she wraps up her great payback with: “If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!” So she turns his gaslighting around on him, and it’s amazing. Although I must admit that right after that when she cries, “Mr. Cameron! Take this man away!” is the one part when I feel like Ingrid Bergman overdoes it just a little bit and gets too melodramatic, but after everything Paula has been through, she deserves as many melodramatic moments as she wants.

I would prefer it if the movie didn’t conclude with the implication that Paula is going to end up romantically involved with Brian, but again, she deserves all the happiness she can get, and if that’s what’s going to make her happy, I’m all for it. And I guess we can claim Miss Thwaites as aroace representation, since she seems to be an old maid with no interest in romance. This movie also speaks to my aromanticism and asexuality in a different, unique way. Because to a certain extent, being aroace in an allonormative, amatonormative society kind of feels like the entire world is gaslighting you. Of course, I don’t mean to imply that my experiences have been anywhere near as horrendous as someone like Paula’s – having your reality cruelly and intentionally twisted by a partner is on an entirely different level from not quite fitting in with the dominant culture’s concept of reality. Still, being constantly bombarded with the message that all mature humans frequently experience sexual and romantic attraction, and that a universal top life goal is to find a partner you’re attracted to that way, when you don’t feel those attractions and don’t desire that kind of partner, is incredibly confusing and disorienting. Once you become an adult, or even a teenager, people start giving you knowing looks when they hear you’ve been hanging out with a friend one-on-one, especially if that friend happens to be of the opposite sex. And you don’t think you like any of your friends “that way” but you also don’t really know what liking someone “that way” feels like so you start to think maybe you don’t know your own feelings. And if you’re lucky, your brain subconsciously decides that you do have crushes like a normal person, they’re just always on movie stars, most of whom are dead, which you realize is weird, but it’s an understandable kind of weird. Nobody believes you when you say you don’t have a crush on anybody, but if you show them a picture of Cary Grant and say, “I have a crush on him,” that makes sense to them. And so you end up becoming convinced that you’re experiencing types of attraction that you’re not, to the point that when you first hear about asexuality you don’t even consider the possibility that it could describe you. And of course, when I say “you” I mean “me”; I can’t speak for all aroaces, although I do think most of us experience some form of that confusion before we figure out that our identity exists. I feel like there’s a relatively widespread perception that aromantic and/or asexual people are just single allos who want to feel special by giving themselves a label, but for me, the opposite is true. Using the aroace label makes me feel less special, because now I know there are other people out there like me, after spending so much time trying to play along with the attraction I thought I was supposed to be feeling. It’s honestly been kind of difficult to unlearn this, to teach myself how to even recognize, let alone trust, what I’m actually feeling versus the socially acceptable way to be feeling about other people.

It’s weird because, looking back, it’s so obvious to me that I was faking crushes, that I was just parroting things I’d heard when I talked about them, that I was just smiling and nodding when people would say things like, “Isn’t that person hot?” But at the time, I absolutely could not admit that, even to myself, because I felt like, in order to be human, I must be experiencing what I’d been led to believe were universal human emotions that went along with sexual and romantic attraction. Back in 2013 I blogged about all the movies I’d seen at least 10 times in 10 years, and I just re-read my post about Gaslight, in which I apparently wrote that I found Joseph Cotten attractive in this movie. I don’t remember thinking or writing that, but I’m sure if I’d been asked to elaborate, I would have said I thought he was hot or whatever, even though I absolutely did not, I just thought I was supposed to. I wasn’t consciously lying; I had become convinced that I felt things I didn’t. Although, now that I think about it, maybe I really was attracted to him, not sexually or romantically, but in terms of the way his character functions in the story. I desperately needed someone to show up and tell me that the problem wasn’t with my mind and provide me with some key information I was missing that would explain what was going on, just like Brian does for Paula. Again, her experience was much more horrifying than mine, but learning that some people are aromantic and asexual, that not feeling those kinds of attraction is perfectly normal for those people, was almost as revelatory to me as learning that her husband killed her aunt and was trying to drive her mad was to Paula. Maybe it sounds like I’m the one being melodramatic now, but I don’t know how else to explain how messed up it is to spend decades convincing yourself and everyone else that you’re feeling things you’re not, and what a relief it is to learn that you were right all along and can finally take the mask off. And that’s why I’ve been focusing so much on looking at movies from an aromantic and asexual perspective on this podcast. Because I don’t want anyone else to go through all that. I want everyone to know that amatonormativity and allonormativity are lies, both because I want people on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums to understand themselves sooner than I understood myself, and because I want alloromantic, allosexual people to know that not everyone is like them. I don’t blame the allo people I was surrounded with for perpetuating these norms because they didn’t know better. I know they weren’t really trying to gaslight me. But I would like to live in a society where most people do know better.

Anyway, I appreciate this movie for understanding me in ways that I couldn’t articulate until recently. But that’s far from the only reason it’s this high on my list. Again, I truly cannot overemphasize how phenomenal the acting is. Ingrid Bergman was always wonderful, but she took it to a whole other level here, and the rest of the cast were similarly at the top of their game. I never get tired of watching them act together, particularly when I’m in the mood for something a little darker. Like the other Ingrid Bergman movie I talked about, Notorious, I’m not sure whether Gaslight “counts” as film noir, because it has some of the typical noir tropes but lacks other important ones. But from a lighting and cinematography perspective, it definitely feels like a noir, so if you enjoy that style, you’ll probably appreciate this movie. It was nominated for a total of seven Oscars, including Best Picture, Screenplay, and Black-and-White Cinematography, in addition to the three acting nominations I mentioned earlier for Bergman, Boyer, and Lansbury. The only Oscar it won besides Best Actress was for Art Direction, which is something I don’t generally pay a ton of attention to, but the set is particularly important in Gaslight. The house almost functions as a character: it’s Gregory’s accomplice in torturing Paula, and the increasingly cluttered look of the rooms helps emphasize the way it’s trapping her. And, of course, there are the real, vintage gasoliers that give the movie its title and add greatly to its mood. So both of this movie’s Oscars were thoroughly deserved.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched films. This wraps up the 4-way tie of movies I saw 22 times from 2003 through 2022. I wonder how many other people out there have watched Beauty and the Beast, A Mighty Wind, His Girl Friday, and Gaslight the same number of times in the last 20 years. Anyway, I didn’t watch any movies exactly 23 times, so next up is the only one I watched 24 times, which is also one that I have a LOT of feelings and personal stories about, so stay tuned for what I’m sure will be a particularly long and rambling episode that I hope will be fun to listen to. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I don’t need to act things out in order to write them. I have what we like to call an ‘imagination.’ Have you ever heard of that? Oh, no no no no no, please tell us more about the old man… and the boat.”

[cartooncreaturelover]

Hello it's me again!

So I have some more asks, some relating to art, some just random stuff I think of XD

1. Favorite character of yours that you like drawing?

2. What's your favorite show/movie? (If you don't have a favorite, just name ones you like)

3. Oldest oc you have? How did they change throughout the time you had em?

Thanks in advance!

✨ Hi! Thank you so much for asking more questions! (You're literally the first person to send in more than one ask before! Thank you for bringing some life to my ask box, lol!)

Question 1. I don't know if I have a favorite character of mine to draw, but the first character that popped into my head was Darragh, probably since I used to draw him A LOT & know how to draw him pretty well from all the times I've drawn him before! (I'm hoping to get a light board this holiday season so I can actually finish an updated version of his reference sheet soon!)

Question 2. I like a lot of shows & movies, so I'll just list the many that I like instead!

Some Of The Movies I Like Include... Back To The Future (trilogy) Little Shop of Horrors (1986) Ferris Bueller's Day Off Gremlins Gremlins 2: The New Batch How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004) Wolfwalkers Shrek 2 Puss in Boots: The Last Wish The "Spider-Man: Spider-Verse" series The "Kung Fu Panda" series The "Sing" series The "Trolls" series

Some Of The TV Shows I Like Include... Bluey The Owl House Infinity Train Ducktales (2017) Gravity Falls Steven Universe My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005) Our Flag Means Death Bob's Burgers Central Park SpongeBob SquarePants (Seasons 1-3)

(You know, writing this list out has made me realize how much I like musicals... & DreamWorks Animation???)

Question 3. The oldest OC that I have is my first OC! I haven't drawn her in a long time, but her name is Magic & she initially was one of those classic "character a child likes, so they barely recolor the character & call it their own;" the actual character was Spyro from the Skylanders series! (Yes, I love "Pug Spyro!") Initially, the only difference was that she had white accent colors instead of gold/bronze. As I got better at drawing & designing characters, I began to actually make her more original & less like Skylanders' Spyro (pictured below!)

The first drawing (which is actually the first drawing I ever made of her!) is from 2014, I think in April; I believe we were going on a school field-trip that day to a trampoline park as a reward for the good students? I drew her with no reference in class with my pencil & colored pencils on a piece of notebook paper! Whenever that day was, it was the day I decided to take art seriously & was the start of my journey to getting as good at drawing as I am today!

The second drawing is (I think) from around 2018 when I really started to try & make her legally distinct from Skylanders' Spyro; different shaped horns, fin-like ears, furred belly & (not pictured) tail tip (kinda like Banjo's)! I made that drawing with my old & cheap watercolor set on what (I think) is sketchbook watercolor paper; & yes, that tiny little portrait is in a tiny little picture frame!

The third drawing is a concept doodle for a 4.0 design for Magic from around 2021 or 2022? I never finalized the design, but the idea was to really change her body type into being more chubby & pear-shaped like some stuffed animals I have, as well as adding stars to her design since I think of her as my "spark of inspiration" for where I am now! Since I've been working on redesigning another dragon-like character of mine recently, perhaps I'll finally get around to finalizing Magic 4.0, who knows!

You (or anybody else who may see this!) can totally ask me more questions about my interests or old/new characters of mine if you’d like! Thank you so much for taking the time to ask me fun questions to answer! ✨

[timeladyjamie]

Here’s an unfinished chapter of my old (and first) Lord of the Rings Fanfiction back from 2018 called “Swept Away by Destiny.”

I ended up deleting the whole story due to bullying I got back then on it and this was the only thing that survived it.  I’m regretting deleting it, but I figured this should see the light of day since I’m not sure if I can ever go back to re-writing it. If I find my old outline for it, I’ll post it too. 

However, this just shows to me how much I’ve grown as a writer from when I first wrote this. *pats my back*

Swept Away by Destiny Chapter 13: Whispers from Sauron

"There is only one good; Knowledge, and one evil; ignorance." - Socrates.

Everyone was weeping, crying over the loss of their companion. Gandalf had just risked his life to make sure they all got out safely. The hobbit's were a mess over the loss of their good friend, especially Frodo.

Aragorn was telling them they had to keep going. Boromir told him to give them a minute to mourn the loss of their friend as the two guys got in an argument over it.

Evelyn stood there silently, debating if she should tell them what she knew. Would telling them what would happen change how the story goes? Hearing the two argue more about it and seeing the heart broken Hobbit's faces made her put her foot down. "Aragorn has a point. We need to keep going."

"Evelyn..." Boromir looked to her confused.

The Guardian walked over to the Hobbit's, kneeling down to their level. "Gandalf will return to us, don't worry."

Frodo looked to her. "What do you know Evelyn?"

She sighed, knowing she was taking a big risk telling them everything. "Gandalf will return to us. Merry and Pippin will find him actually along with big trees."

The two hobbits looked to her confused. "Really?"

She nodded, looking to Frodo. "I know what will happen, remember."

"Where should we go next then Guardian?" Aragorn asked her.

"We need to start heading to Lorien to meet with Lady Galadriel."

Boromir looked to her confused still while the others seemed to agree with it.

"If that is what you say then, let us get a move on." Aragorn patted her shoulder.

The Hobbit's came over to her. "Is what you said about Gandalf true Evelyn?" Pippin asked.

"Yes, it is."

Merry gave a confused look. "When do we meet big trees?"

"Soon. Ten days time if I remember correctly. Just remember you two, when it does happen be brave and strong."

Merry and Pippin nodded confidently.

"Also, let me give you a piggy back ride." She said to Pippin, kneeling down so he could get on her back. "Aragorn, we are going up into the Misty Mountains and need to carry the hobbits."

"Let me help." Boromir said, taking Merry onto his back. "Besides, I'd like to hear you explain how you know so much."

Evelyn chuckled at this. "Well...would you believe me if I said everything in this world is nothing but a book where I'm from?"

"No, not at all." Boromir replied with a chuckle back. "But I guess that would explain how you could see future events, right?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Evelyn replied.

"So, what will become of Gondor then?" Boromir asked.

"It will be saved, just like everything else in this world if we continue on with our journey and help Frodo."

Boromir's eyes went wide. "Does that mean the ring is destroyed or are we able to use it to save Middle Earth?"

His question sent a chill down her back, remembering how the ring was able to tempt him so easily. And what came to be of him because of it. She had to try and save him from it.

"It will be destroyed, I'll definitely make sure of that. It's what needs to happen." She told him.

"It's crazy how such a little thing can cause so much chaos and make a man want to change for it." Boromir commented, looking over to the ring on Frodo's neck.

"It can't save Gondor Boromir." Evelyn told him. "It can't save anyone or anything. It's evil and it just whispers lies to you. Don't listen to it."

The Ring seemed to glow, as if talking back to Evelyn for her comment. Her eyes narrowed at it.

Boromir looked to her nervously. "I-I know. I just want to save my people is all."

"We can save your people by helping Frodo. We aren't the Fellowship of the Ring and the Guardian for nothing!" Evelyn chuckled.

"Good point." Boromir replied, but gave a glance back to the ring.

__________________________________________________________________

They had finally reached Lorien where Lady Galadriel was. It was night time when Evelyn heard Frodo go off to meet with her. She tossed and turned to go to sleep when suddenly a dark figured appeared to her in her dreams.

It was Sauron.

"Guardian, try how you will, but you can't stop me. I will take control of this place once more, even if I have to kill others to do so."

Evelyn looked to him, trying to stand her ground. "W-We will stop you."

Sauron walked up to her, leaning close to her face and grinning. "Really?" He chuckled. "You're nothing more than a child who is in my world now."

"I-I know how to stop you."

"I'd like to see you try Guardian. I can see what you see and I know what you know. You can't hide anything from me, just as you know that Boromir fellow is going to die because of the temptation of my ring."

"Leave him alone!" She

Sauron chuckled, amused. "Oh, look at that fire! How adorable. It won't be enough to stop me. I'll always be here haunting every single one of you, regardless of how your book says it ends."

Evelyn's eyes went wide and a chill came to her body.

Sauron got close to her lips before disappearing. "I'll always be here with you forever." 

[lasclswiss]

Lyrics sara bareilles i choose you

#Lyrics sara bareilles i choose you tv#

Much like her 2007 breakout hit "Love Song", the tune is a fiery kiss-off to people who like to "tell you all the things you’re doing wrong," the singer explains. Released in 2010, the Kaleidoscope Heart single earned Bareilles a Grammy nod for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance. It’s your hope for every single song, and it doesn’t happen every time." "King Of Anything" "It’s a very exciting thing as a songwriter when you get to watch a song take on a life of its own. "I’ve seen people talk about it in terms of grief or addiction," says Bareilles.

#Lyrics sara bareilles i choose you tv#

You go past it and through it and grow from it."Īlthough "Gravity" has soundtracked romantic moments in TV shows like Community and The Vampire Diaries, not everyone views it as a song about love. "It's talking about that first real heartbreak where you’re like, 'I don’t think I’m gonna ever get over this,' then of course eventually you do," she explains. Of course, Bareilles eventually got over the guy, but the song reflects her state of mind right in the middle of the situation. it felt like a force that was bigger than a person." I could not remove myself, I couldn’t move on, move out, move forward. And then I went away to college, and every time I came home, he was just a magnet for me. "I had a high school boyfriend who I was madly in love with, and we broke up my senior year and got back together. "'Gravity' was born out of a high school relationship falling apart and me being a drama queen about it," Bareilles says, laughing. The third single from Bareilles' 2007 debut album Little Voice, "Gravity" is a haunting ballad about returning to a person over and over again. Now, Bareilles is opening up, and walking Bustle though the real stories behind eight of her most personal songs, from heartbreaking teen romances to one of U.S. Yet even as her success has skyrocketed, the 39-year-old has managed to keep a low profile when it comes to things like her mental health and romantic relationships, preferring to let her honest, intimate songs do the talking. "It's been six years - I’ve just done so many things, and so much has changed in my life." That's for sure since 2013, Bareilles has earned a handful of Grammy noms, hosted the Tonys, published a book, and performed on Broadway, just to name a few things. It’s been a long time coming, clearly," says the singer with a laugh, sitting down at Bustle's New York office a few days before the record's release. Nearly six years later, a new album, April's Amidst the Chaos, is here - and Bareilles, understandably, is anxious for people to hear it. The last time a real Sara Bareilles record arrived was 2013, with the release of the Grammy-nominated The Blessed Unrest. And yes, there was NBC's Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert! concert album in 2018, on which she sang as Mary Magdalene, but that was alongside the rest of the show's cast. There was 2015's Waitress soundtrack, featuring songs written and sung by Bareilles, but that was for a Broadway musical, not herself. The ballad served as perfect background music as the proposals took place.It's been a long time since the world got a new Sara Bareilles album. Their girlfriends would arrive with their eyes covered to only find out Sara Bareilles at the place, beginning to sing 'I Choose You'. Then, Matt and Aly would, respectively, set up real nice engagement parties with all their families and friends gathered. She first picked two couples (the one making the proposal answered a petition made by Sara on her Facebook), one heterosexual and one gay. We all knew how perfect this song was for an engagement proposal situation and that's exactly what Sara has done in the video for 'I Choose You'. The perfect-for-engagement mid-tempo ballad, written by Sara, Jason Blynn and Pete Harper, has received a pretty coherent music video. Whatever the case, we don't care about the delay, we're just happy we got the 'I Choose You' video today. It's been so many months since 'I Choose You' was announced as single, we were actually afraid Sara had forgotten about shooting a music video, or was perhaps considering ditching 'I Choose You' and release a third single already. (We didn't think this day would come!) Sara Bareilles' music video for the ' Brave'-follow up single 'I Choose You', from her Grammy-nominated fourth studio album ' The Blessed Unrest', premiered on VEVO on Monday, May 5th.

[renchinworld]

THE BLIZZARD IN JILIN

Renjun x fem reader 

fluff & angst // word count: 3.2k

This is the story of Renjun’s childhood friend who he left in Jilin when he followed his dreams of becoming an idol.

Now six years have passed, dozens of awards, hundreds of thousands of fans, and a triple million selling album later... he comes back home to see her engaged to another man. 

A blizzard is coming to Jilin and it’s the strongest one China has ever seen. 

___ ___ ___ 

 “I passed the auditions!” Renjun hugged you tightly, shaking you from side to side in joy. “I’m going to Korea!”

“Congratulations.” You smile, tears forming at the sides of your eyes.

Renjun’s dream has always been to be an idol, but your dream was always him. To be with him. 

For him to spill out the words that his eyes never fail to say everytime you catch him staring at you. 

For him to realize that maybe he didn’t give you his coat on cold winter mornings when yours did not make you feel warm enough just because he thought of you as a friend.

For him to tell you that what he truly wants is to just be an ordinary man in Jilin, grow old with you, chill with each other in the warm fireplace as you look back on your lives in old age.  

To leave it all behind and choose you.

But that would be selfish. That would leave Renjun always wondering with what ifs. He would be with you but his heart would be stuck with a dream he never got to achieve. Like an empty vessel of a person you once loved. You can’t bring yourself to do that to him just to make him stay. 

You love him so much to cut off his wings when he wants so badly to fly. 

“Shouldn’t you go home and pack?” You ask with a forced smile. You’re on the verge of crying in front of him. He needs to go before he sees your tears.

“Right!” He jumps. “By the way, you’re the first one I told. I’m gonna prank my family and tell them I didn’t get accepted first hehe. Serves them right for trying to stop me from going.” 

“You meanie.” You chuckled and he smiled. 

“Come on. You know I love them and it’s just for light fun,” Renjun ruffles your hair and you almost tell him not to leave you then. You bite your lower lip to stop yourself and his eyes land on your lips before he clears his throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You’re always the first one he told everything to. That was your place in his life. But now, seeing him walking away from you, you realize he no longer belongs only to you and you to him. 

He will be loved by a thousand screaming fans and he will perform for them in return.  He will end your calls at night earlier than usual because he has to meet other girls and boys in the morning for a fansign event. He will eventually stop messaging you as he becomes busy and you’ll wonder if he forgot about you completely.

Renjun will get his wish while you can only dream of yours. 

He will be shining as always. Under the bright, blinding spotlights and the glowing eyes of his many supporters. While you will be at your hometown, staring out at the snowy mountains, reminiscing the days when he looked at you the same way his fans look at him now.

Then you will wake up one day and realize that maybe this is bearable enough. 

Maybe it’s okay to continue on, knowing that in this short life you met the one you’d choose in a hundred lifetimes, but he couldn’t choose you in this one. 

Maybe you’ll finally agree to that arranged marriage your parents have been trying to set you up to. 

And maybe you will change your dream to an actual goal instead of a person who will end up leaving you. Maybe, just maybe… you will forget about Renjun too.

And that’s exactly what you did. Or so you thought.

___

5 YEARS LATER

“Honey, remind your fiancé that we’re having his family over for dinner,” your mom says, poking her head out of the kitchen. “Call him, okay?”

You nodded and proceeded to just text Hendery. This arranged marriage isn’t out of love and you both know it. He’s in love with someone else and you’re not willing to give your heart to him. There’s no reason to call each other over things you can just text.

“He says they’re coming.” You said, walking towards the kitchen and making yourself green tea by settling it over ice and waiting for it to melt. Someone you once loved told you this is the best way to make them.

“You didn’t call him?” Your mother asks, concerned. You shrugged. “He’s a nice boy, sweetheart. You’ve been engaged for years and yet you still--”

“Mom, please,” your smile never reached your eyes. “We’ll be fine.”

“Is it because of Renjun?”

You gulped. The mention of his name felt like the cold air that hits you when you step out of the house. It felt like beautiful smiles fading into the background. Like a thousand dreams that were thrown into the fire but the ashes keep on coming back, smothering you and making it difficult to breathe.

“No.” You said almost immediately. 

“I heard he’s back home, taking a short vacation.” She presses on, concern plastered on her face as she studies your expression. “Have you talked to him yet?”

“He’s probably forgotten about me.” Your heart was clawing at you from the inside. “Let’s stop talking about him, mom. Do you need help?”

“No, honey. I’m almost finished. You should just get ready.” She pats your back and goes back to cooking dinner. 

___

Finished with making yourself look presentable, you went down stairs. 

You stopped halfway when the doorbell rang.

No one rings your house doorbell. Hendery texts you whenever he’s in front of your house. Your father just goes in when he comes home from work every month. 

Only delivery men use that contraption. But it’s night time right now. What delivery company would be on duty at 8 in the evening?

“Sweetheart, open the door for me, okay? I’m setting up the table.” Your mom called out from the dining area. 

Something feels off. What if it’s a murderer? Nah, you’ve been watching too many true crime documentaries.

You looked at the peephole just to be sure. 

You wished it was a murderer instead. 

That would’ve been better for your health than Huang Renjun carrying a bouquet of flowers in front of your doorstep.

“What happened?” Your mom walks towards you. You look back at her, the color in your face gone. “Why aren’t you opening the door?”

She grabs the doorknob but you stop her, shaking your head. You hissed. “Don’t!”

Your mother’s eyebrows furrowed. She peeks in the peephole and sighs before she uses her strength on you and forces the door open despite your struggling.

“Oh look, it’s Jilin’s superstar! Welcome back!” She smiles, genuinely happy to see the boy who made your entire province proud. Asian parents amirite. “Come in, come in. Just in time for dinner.”

“Thank you for your hospitality.” Renjun says as he steps in and pays his respects. His voice was deeper than you last remembered. He was taller, more regal looking and even more handsome. How is that even possible?

Your eyes meet and a million memories flood through your mind. Him hugging you, telling you that he’ll be back soon. Not soon enough. You crying every night until one day you just stopped because you became numb. Not numb enough. Him saying goodbye on the phone one last time before he ghosts you. You cursing him on the top of your lungs and crying in the middle of a storm, wanting to just sink into the snow and freeze outside for years to come.

“Hi,” he says and hands you the flowers. Your eyes flutter, your hands are shaking as you receive it. You don’t know if you should be angry or what. “How are you?”

How are you? You chuckled bitterly. “Great, thanks for asking.”

“Hang his coat, honey. I’ll be in the dining area if you need me.” Your mom says quickly to mask the contempt in your voice and leaves the both of you. If your mother noticed anything, she pretended not to notice. The tension was so thick, it probably suffocated her.

“Won’t you ask me how I’ve been?” He smiles and your throat constricts. You don’t say anything so he sucks a deep breath, continuing. “We’re triple million seller idols now.”

“C-congrats.” You say, forcing yourself to not say more because if you do, you might say things you'll regret. You place the flowers down and he hands you his coat for you to hang. A whiff of his perfume passes. He smells like how a cozy and warm morning would be if it was a scent.

“I’ve missed you. I’m sorry for not reaching out--” You didn’t have enough time to process what he said because your phone suddenly rang in your pocket. He nods, eyes never leaving yours. “Go ahead. Must be an emergency.”

It was Hendery. You picked up. He only calls when it’s really important.

“Yes, Hendery?” Renjun's expression darkens at the mention of Hendery’s name. “A blizzard? Okay, I understand.”

You walk past Renjun and went to the dining area where your mother is. “They can’t come, mom. Can’t drive because the blizzard suddenly worsened.” 

“Oh no,” she pouts, then her expression changes when he sees the man standing behind you. “No worries, we have a guest to help us finish the meal. Don’t we, Renjun?”

“Of course, it’s an honor.” His honey voice from behind surprised you. You didn’t know he followed you. “Careful.”

He caught you in his arms when you almost tripped. You were quick to stand up and remove his hold on you. Your mother just stared amused. You were always too composed and collected, but Renjun brings out a clumsy side to you she’s never seen before.

“It’s a shame her fiancé couldn’t meet her childhood friend.” Your mother sighed when all three of you were seated. You and Renjun sat across from each other while your mom was beside you. “The blizzard really did it this time.”

“Fiancé?” His brows knitted, mouth hanging open, waiting for your mom to say he heard it wrong. 

“Hendery.” You said, not looking at him while taking a bite of the steak. “We’ve been engaged since 2018.” Since you stopped talking to me.

“Ah, of course,” he takes a bite out of his food but his eyes are still glued on you. “Congratulations.”

“They’re to be married next month. So exciting!” Your mom exclaims beside you and brings more food to your plates. “Eat up, babies. You both grew up so fast. You’ll probably have babies of your own soon!”

You cleared your throat, feeling the heat on your face. You probably looked so red right now.

“But…  next month?” He asks again, this time not bothering to cover his distaste of the marriage topic. “Isn’t that too soon?”

You said nothing. Why does he care anyways?

Your mom explains for you that Hendery’s parents have been trying to get you both married since last year but you keep on saying you’re still too young. 

“Right!” Renjun extends a hand to prove his point. “What if she changes her mind?”

He looks at you, trying so hard to steal your glance from the food. You give in and look at him. You almost gasp. This is the first time you’ve ever seen Renjun look this desperate. Not when his parents told him not to go to that audition. Not when he talks about becoming an idol. This was much more intense. Like he was about to do unspeakable things to you if you don’t answer him right now.

“I-I don’t think I’ll change my mind.” You finally say, feeling the heaviness in your chest spread through your body, tingling at the end of your fingers. 

“Of course you won’t.” Renjun leans, shoulders rolling back as he adjusts his posture. He says nothing to you throughout the whole meal. He smiles and humors your mother when she shares more stories but he has never looked at you again.

___

“It’s dangerous for you to leave now,” your mom says, worried. Renjun insisted on going home because their house was within walking distance, but the air was blowing outside at terrifying speeds. “Just stay the night like you always do when you were kids, hmm?”

But we’re not kids anymore. Now, we’re young adults who are totally frustrated with each other. That’s not a good idea. But going outside is evidently much worse.

“You can use her brother’s room.” Your mom laughs from the living room where they both are. Your brother Lucas has rarely visited since he married. “You’ve always been like a son to us anyways, even her brother gets jealous of you sometimes.”

Renjun laughs with her, remembering the good ol’ days. You roll your eyes. 

“Thank you so much. I’ll behave, I promise.”

Your mom turns to look at you. You’re washing the dishes in the kitchen. “She’s always insisting to hand wash instead of using the dishwasher. I taught her well.”

“I’ll help her. Please get some rest.” He smiles warmly at her and walks towards you. You both hear your mother go up the stairs, leaving you and Renjun alone again.

“Next month, really?” He asks, grabbing the plate from your hand.

“We’ve already talked about this over dinner.” You sigh. “Just drop it.”

“Are you even sure you want to marry him? Don’t you like someone else?” His tone carried a meaning behind it. Like he knew. 

What does he even know?!

"I'm marrying him and that's final." You say sternly, your patience drying up. “That would make me happy.”

“Since when did you start lying to yourself?”

The ticking bomb within you explodes. Years of sadness turned into rage and it filled your heaving chest. Your eyes started to water. Renjun settled the plate down when he saw your expression and faced you, apologizing immediately.

“Please don’t marry him.” He suddenly pleads as he kneels down, touching your hands and looking up at you. “Come back to me. Please.”

“What? Why are you so--” you stop to breathe out loudly. Tears began spilling and your heart felt like jumping out. You wanted to shout in his face. Why do you care?! Why are you begging?! What are we?!

But only a fountain of tears followed. Years of practicing what you would say if something like this happened just blurred in your mind. No amount of practice will suffice once your first love comes back and tells you something like this. None.

“I’m so sorry,” Renjun stood up and wiped your tears away. His eyes also started to become teary. “I know I’m not in the position to tell you that but I still did. I also know I’m way too late, but I just want to tell you that I love you. I really, really love you. I tried to forget my feelings because I know it would be difficult for you to end up with someone like me, but I just can’t get you out of my head.

“Every time my group members asked me if I liked someone, I would say no but in the back of my mind all I see is you. Whenever someone sings your favorite song, I would remember how beautiful you looked when we sang it together. Every moment I go up on stage, I always wondered if you’re watching me from somewhere in the crowd. Every winter when it snowed in Seoul, I would think of how the snowflakes fell softly on your hair here in Jilin. I may have left, but my heart stayed with you.

“I’m sorry I stopped talking to you. I knew you liked me back so I thought it would be selfish of me to let you wait for so long because of the path I chose. You didn’t stop me from following my dreams back then despite that. So I thought to myself, ‘she sacrificed for me, but I can’t do the same for her?’ and I decided that I needed to let you go. You deserved to be happy, too.

"I stopped reaching out so you could forget me and finally be happy in someone else’s arms. I was ready to let you go. But when I heard you were getting married next month, I couldn’t bear it. I can’t imagine it. I’d rather die. I’d rather give up on everything than see you walk down the aisle for another man--”

His voice cracks. Head drooping down into yours as he hugs you tightly. As if he let you go now, he would lose you completely. As if he doesn’t squeeze you like this, you will end up continuing with the marriage. 

You looked up at the ceiling, tears flowing and mouth hanging open from his words. Isn’t life funny? For years you were scrambling for answers and in just a mere minute, everything has started coming together.

“Renjun...” You say, your voice low and shaky. “I can’t breathe.”

He loosens his hold on you and looks you in the eyes. His hands cupped your face. “Did you hear me? I said I love you. I said I really, really, really love you.”

“I heard, dumbass.” You cough up a small laugh, the tears won’t stop falling. “I love you too.”

He sighs, relief washing over his face. “Marry me instead?”

“Dude, don’t you think you’re going too fast?” You say, your hands planted on his chest. Eyes puffy. Renjun only found it cute. 

“The last time I stalled, I almost lost you. So I’m going all-in now.” 

“You’re a kpop idol. What am I supposed to do if you're on tour and I need to give birth, hmm?”

"Don't you think you're moving faster than me? I'm just at the marriage part and you're already at pregnancy." He chuckles. "Then again, maybe we can rearrange the order of things…" 

You smacked him on the chest lightly. Who knew he could make dirty jokes like this now?

"You told my mom you would behave."

"Your mom likes me and wants grandchildren. I don't think she'd mind." 

"Shut up." You say with a smile and he kisses you. You didn’t expect him to come in stronger than a blizzard and break down all your defenses. His kiss. His truth. His love for you. Him.

There’s still a lot to be done before you two can be free to love each other without worries. But it doesn’t matter. No matter how challenging it is from here on out, you two will have each other and that's all you need. It would be like this. Always. 

Renjun's kiss deepens and he smiles victoriously as you melt into his arms. A dozen awards and a ton of trophies he received, but none of those comes close to winning your heart.

___

From upstairs, your mom smiles to herself. She heard everything when she went to ask what's taking so long but backed away quietly when she heard you both crying.

"I knew these kids just needed a little push. Oh, oof. We have to cancel that engagement…."

___ ___ ___

a/n: Dude I loved writing this so much I actually didn’t want it to end lmao

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 126

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,525ish

Summary: Y/N sees her men after saying goodbye to Coulson and the team. Infinity War starts.

Tony’s apartment was dark and quiet, which was extremely unusual for any of Tony’s places of living. 

“Tony?” Y/N called, her body was exhausted. She was trying to hold herself together from also saying goodbye to part of her family. “Tony?”

“The Boss is currently away on a business trip, Agent Rogers,” FRIDAY responded. “I will inform him that you are here.”

“Thanks… Uh, FRIDAY?”

“Yes?”

“I’m… I…”

“If I could step in, it seems like your body is exhausted, running on its last amounts of fuel. May I suggest that you rest? I will order food and work with Mr. Stark to get him here as fast as possible.”

“Okay… I’ll be in Tony’s room.”

~~~

“Y/N?” Tony called. 

When FRIDAY had told him that Y/N was back, Tony quickly ended the meeting he was in and flew home. He had been kept up to date on the SHIELD issues, since they were being broadcast everywhere. The man hunt was on Y/N like nothing it had before. He was concerned and so very worried, Tony was barely making it through the meeting.

“Y/N? Are you there?” He tried again, exiting his suit and searching his apartment.

“Boss,” FRIDAY responded. “She is resting in your room. She came back with extreme exhaustion. I’ve sent her to be and ordered food.”

“Thanks, FRI,” Tony sighed, relieved. 

He quickly, but quietly, made his way up to his room. Opening the door, the light from the hallway illuminated a very asleep Y/N, buried in the covers. He walked over, tucking her into the covers more before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Tony?” She rasped, eyes half opening.

“Go back to sleep,” he urged, brushing his fingers over her cheek. “I’ll let you know when the food’s here.”

She nodded, quickly falling back to sleep. Tony watched her lovingly before changing into something comfier. He was in the living room, waiting for the food, when the elevator dinged. Quickly on guard, Tony stood up defensively. He relaxed slightly when he noticed Peter waltzing in, bags of food.

“Hey, Mr. Stark!” Peter greeted excitedly.

“Hey, kid,” Tony responded. “What ya got there?”

“Oh, FRIDAY told me that you needed me to run and get some food. Even told me where to go and what to go.”

“FRIDAY, huh?” He looked up at the ceiling with a little shake of his head. “We’re going to have a conversation later.”

“Am I intruding on something?”

“No, kid,” Tony sighed. “It’s about time I let you in on a little secret.”

“A secret? What secret?”

“How about you go and get everything set up for three in the kitchen and I’ll be right back?”

“For three? Okay, Mr. Stark!” 

The kid rushed away to the kitchen. Tony headed back to the bed room. He had the urge to leave Y/N sleeping, as she very well needed it, obviously. But she needed to eat as well. He walked over and gently sat next to her.

“Y/N,” he called softly. “Time to wake up.”

“Hmm?” She hummed, stirring from her slumber. 

“Food’s here. And, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Meet?” Y/N was more awake now. “Tony, you know I can’t—“

“They won’t say anything to anyone. I promise.” He grabbed one of her hands and brought it up to his lips for a kiss. “Please?”

“Okay, Tony,” she nodded. Her stomach growled as she threw the covers off of her.

Tony chuckled. “You hungry?”

“A little.” She put her hands out. “A little help.”

Tony smiled and nodded before grabbing her hands. He carefully guided Y/N so that she was standing. Keeping hold of one of Y/N’s hands, Tony began to lead them out of the bedroom. Suddenly, Y/N tripped over her own tired feet.

“Woah, there, honey,” Tony said, steadying her. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Uh… honestly, I don’t remember,” Y/N responded. “It was… I thought happened.”

“And you better plan on telling me all about it after dinner.”

“Yes, Tones.”

Tony wrapped an arm around Y/N’s waist to keep her more steady as they made their way to the kitchen. When they arrived, Y/N saw a teenager, one from the pictures on the wall. He was setting up dinner.

“Mr. Parker,” Tony called, the boy’s head snapped to look at his mentor. The boy was clearly surprised to see who was standing beside Tony. “I’d like you to meet Y/N. Y/N, this is Peter Parker. Or, Spider-Man.”

“Hello, Mr. Parker,” Y/N greeted holding her hand out for the young hero to shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Peter nervously shook Y/N’s hand. “You’re…” He swallowed. “Y-you’re Lady America. I… I fought your brother in Germany.”

“You did, huh?” Y/N gave Tony a look. Tony looked away, not willing to meet her eye. 

“Yeah! I even stole his shield from him.”

“Well, that sounds like an interesting story. I’d love to hear it sometime.”

“Okay!” / “Let’s not.”

“Miss Rogers, I promise I won’t tell anyone about seeing you,” Peter continued as they sat at the table. 

“Thank you, Peter,” Y/N replied. “It means a lot.”

“How was school today, kid?” Tony asked, taking Y/N’s plate and dishing food onto it. “And patrol? Save any cats?”

“School was school. I spent most of science reworking my webbing. And I didn’t save any cats today, Mr. Stark. Just some old ladies crossing the street.”

Y/N honestly enjoyed the dinner with Tony and Peter. It was a sense of normalcy that had disappeared from her life what seemed like ages ago. After dinner was done, Peter needed to go home to get Aunt May. He awkwardly said goodbye before disappearing into the elevator. Y/N leaned back into Tony once Peter was gone. Tony pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

“Coulson’s dying,” Y/N whispered.

“What?” Tony quickly moved so that he was facing Y/N. “How?”

“I don’t know. But, I said goodbye to him and the team. Only final time.”

Tony pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry you had to do that,” he said softly. “I know how much they meant to you.”

“He was there when I woke up… he was my first friend.”

“Do the others know? Does Daisy know?”

“No. And I wasn’t meant to find out.”

Tony looked down at Y/N. “What do you need me to do?”

“Hold me.”

So that’s what he did, all night long.

~~~

To say Bucky was anxious would be an understatement. Y/N had been gone for about a week, without a word from her. Shuri had tried to cheer him up, but it was only met with grumpiness. He was beginning to worry that something had happened to her. After that worry crept it, Bucky noticed that T’Challa and the others were keeping something from him.

“What do you know?” Bucky asked, marching into the throne room where T’Challa and his counselors were.

“Leave us,” T’Challa requested, and the others quickly left. “This is about Y/N.”

“What do you know?”

“I will show you.”

T’Challa showed Bucky the news footage of Talbot’s press conference and him getting shot in the head by Daisy, only for Y/N to appear moments later.

“The government will stop at nothing to throw her in Raft,” T’Challa stated. “I have—“

“They won’t waste their time with Raft,” Y/N’s voice came from behind. The men spun around to see her standing there. “They’ve already made it clear that they will kill me on sight.”

After spending time with Tony, Y/N knew she needed to go back to Wakanda to see Bucky. She willingly let Tony make her breakfast before fighting him to let her leave. Luckily, she won.

“But I’m fine,” Y/N continued. “Healed it myself.” Bucky began marching towards her, clearly angry. “What? I’m okay, I pro—“

She was quickly cut off by his lips smashing onto hers. With his only arm, he pulled her into him, keeping her tightly against his chest. Y/N could feel all the worry and frustration that was being poured into the kiss.

“Don’t ever do that again,” Bucky growled against her lips. 

“I’m sorry,” she replied softly. “I really had no choice.”

T’Challa cleared his throat, reminding the two that they were not alone. “I’m glad that you are alright, Y/N,” T’Challa said with a slight smile. “I’m afraid Barnes here was about to burn the whole country down to search for you.”

“The whole country, huh?” She looked at Bucky, teasingly. “Wow.”

“The whole country, no,” Bucky defended. “The whole world, that’s probably about right.”

“Cause that would solve the problem.”

“Anything to get me to you, doll.” He gave you a softer kiss. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. And I’m safe.”

~~~

The next year went by in this weird, fast-slow sort of way. Both Tony and Bucky were as understanding as they could be with the situation Y/N was putting them in. But as time went on, the more frustrated and jealous both men became. Valentine’s Day was honestly the least problematic of any of the holidays. And that was saying something.

Alone, Y/N worked to gain more control and confidence with her abilities. She needed to be ready for whatever was coming. At the start of 2018, the Stones slowly began haunting her dreams, concerning both men greatly. Sleeping was becoming a luxury. The Stones showed to her their powers and the vision Wanda showed her three years previous. They kept telling her to prepare, but not exactly what to prepare for. 

The mounting stress of choosing between the men she loved and the oncoming battle that laid ahead, was enough to make anyone go crazy. But Y/N tried her best to keep an even killed head on her shoulders. Both her men could see that this was all weighing on her, but they did their best (somedays) to take a weight off of her.

Y/N also began to grow more angry at Steve. Though she missed him greatly. She was so mad at him. Mad at him for not reaching out or appearing to not care. She was mad at him for not telling her about Howard’s death and for not being willing to see outside his stubborn ass. For that being there when she lost AJ. But Y/N also missed him terribly. Steve was her twin after all. She would always love him.

It was now currently April and Y/N was up late after having visions of the Reality and Power Stones. And a purple giant. She was alone in her Wakandan bedroom, staring at her hands nervously. She had woken up deciding that she couldn’t wait any longer to choose. A choice needed to be made before what ever was haunting her came. In all honesty, Y/N had known for months, who’d she choose. She was just lying to herself.

With a deep breath, Y/N looked over at her side table. There were two clocks on the table, one with New York’s time and one with Bucky’s. It was almost time for her morning run with Tony. 

“I guess it’s time to make the choice official,” she whispered to herself. “Someone help me.”

~~~

Tony was already waiting at the Compound for Y/N. He had bought the property on the other side of the lake months back so that their dates could be outside more. He put in a dirt path so that they could run in the mornings too. Tony was leaning against a tree, waiting for Y/N, with his fingers running over his knew (detachable) arc reactor. Ever since Y/N began to struggle to sleep at night, he knew he needed to do something to protect them. To protect her. The new arc reactor didn’t get placed without a fight. But Y/N eventually gave in.

“You ready to lose again, tin man?” Y/N teased, appearing through a portal beside him.

“I never mind losing,” Tony smirked. “The view’s great.”

“Perv!” 

Y/N playfully swatted him. Tony grabbed her hands and pulled her into him for a kiss. Something was off about it.

“You okay?” He asked, pulling away.

“Yeah,” she responded, unconvincing. “Just ready for a run.”

She pecked his lips once more before sprinting off. He quickly followed. They ran in silence for a while before Tony started talking, but it wasn’t all making sense to Y/N.

“Slow down, slow down,” Tony requested. “I’m totally not kidding.”

“You’re totally rambling,” Y/N laughed, slowing down to a walking speed.

“No, I’m not.”

“Lost me.”

“Look, you know how you're having a dream, and in the dream you gotta pee?”

“Yeah,” Y/N nodded.

“Okay, and then you're like, 'Oh my god, there's no bathroom, what am I gonna do?', 'Oh! Someone's watching,' ''m gonna go in my pants.’”

“Right. And then you wake up, and in real life you actually have to pee.”

“Yes.”

“Yeah. Everybody has that.”

“Right! That's the point I'm trying to make. Apropos of that, last night, I dreamt, we had a kid.” Y/N stopped turning to face Tony. “So real. We named him after an eccentric uncle. Uh, what was his name?”

“Right… Tony, I think—“

“Morgan! Morgan.” He snapped his fingers.

“So you woke up, and thought that we were…”

“Expecting.”

“Really?”

“Yes?”

“No,” Y/N shook her head. “We haven’t even had sex in a year. How could that me possible?”

“I had a dream about it. It was so real.”

“I’m sure it was, Tony. But I haven’t even—“

“I know, I know. You haven’t chosen yet. But just think about it, will ya? My dream can’t be far off.”

Y/N sighed and untied the jacket sleeves around Tony’s neck. “Also, if you wanted to have a kid, you wouldn’t have done that.” She tapped the new reactor.

“I'm glad you brought this up, 'cause it's nothing. It's just a housing unit for nano particles.”

“It's not helping your case, OK?”

“No, no, it's an attachment, it's not a—“

“You don’t need that.”

“I know. I had the surgery. I'm just trying to protect us. The future uses, and that's it. Just in case there's a monster in the closet, instead of, you know…”

“Shirts?"

“You know me so well. You finish all my sentences.”

“You should have shirts in your closet.”

“I should have more of your shirts in my closet.”

“Tony—“

“I know, getting ahead of myself again. You know what there should be no more surprises. Let’s have a nice dinner tonight and we should have no more surprises. I should promise you.”

“Actually, Tony, I really need to talk to you about something. I made—“

“Tony Stark,” a man with a red cloak appeared a few feet away. There was an orange portal behind him. “Y/N Rogers, I’m Doctor Stephen Strange. And I need you both to come with me.”

next chapter >

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NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2​​. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[joshjacksons]

Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

[all-my-love-for-harry]

The first meeting.

summary: y/n and artemis met a handsome (to y/n) and intimidating (to artemis) man.

word count: 1.5k

a/n: hope you’re enjoying this ‘series’ as much as i am enjoying writing them! (also, i’m sorry if there’s any mistakes regarding y/n’s job. i’m not from the uk so i got the information from the internet)

you can find more of my shy little boy here

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

January, 2018.

If there was something Y/N enjoyed, was playdates. Ever since she got pregnant with she looked forward taking her little baby with their friends, have a conversation with other parents while they watch the kids interact. However Artemis’ number of playdates are limited, due to his struggle to make friends and talk with other kids.

But he did have one good friend, his name was Spike. The way the two boys became friends was still an unanswered question to Y/N, but she couldn’t have been happier when her little one had told her he had made a friend.

The Prendergast were a very chill, very fun family to spend time with, and it didn’t took long for Y/N to become close friends with Emi and Adam. They had started a little tradition to get together every other Friday night at each other’s places, and this particular Friday wasn’t Y/N’s turn to host the dinner.

The Y/L/N’s arrived on time, Artemis being excited to see his friend even though he just saw him at daycare earlier that day. He pulled from Y/N’s hand, making her walk faster.

“C’mon mummy!”

“Wait, we don’t want to drop the cookies we made!”

They made it to the doorway just before Emi pulled the door open and greeted them. “There you are, Spike was starting to wonder were his best friend was”

“Hi, we bought cookies” Y/N said as they stepped into the house, Artemis disappearing into the hallway as he ran towards the living room.

“You look tired, long week?”

“Sort of, collage students can take a tool on you” Y/N replied, sighing.

Y/N had recently taken a job as a collage teacher and while it has been a wonderful change in her family’s economy, it was indeed tiring and sometimes intimidating. But it allowed her to provide better for her little one, so she wasn’t going to complain.

“Well, tonight you can forget about work” Emi said, walking to the kitchen to place the cookies in the microwave to keep them warm. “Oh, I forgot to tell you but someone else is joining us for dinner”

“Oh?” Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Who?”

“His name’s Harry, you’ll love him. He recently came back to London and Adam invited him over”

“I want you to meet him, he’s a nice guy” Emi’s husband, Adam, came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Y/N’s shoulders. “I bet Artemis will love him too”

“Yeah, right” she chuckled. “As if you didn’t know my son”

“Worth the try” he smirked.

As if it was a sign, the doorbell was heard inside of the house, indicating someone new had just arrived. Y/N walked over the living room to see what the kids were up to, and she found Silver, Spike’s older sister, teaching the two boys how to drink tea properly. She smiled at the sight as she took a seat on one of the couches.

She heard voices coming closer to where she was, but it wasn’t until she heard the stranger laugh that she turned over to see. A handsome man stood beside Adam, he had chocolate curls adorning the very top of his head, along with beautiful emerald eyes joined by little crinkles at the side as he smiled at Emi.

He was beautiful.

Y/N saw as the three adults approached her, Adam smirking at her reaction in a way of telling her I told you so.

“Y/N, this is Harry. Harry, this is our friend Y/N” Harry offered his hand for her to shake and she noticed the rings adorning his fingers.

“It’s nice to meet you, love. I’ve heard wonderful things about you” he said as the shook hands.

“Pleasure’s mine” she smiled. She was gonna talk again but a little body crashed into her legs from behind, clearly hiding. “This is Artemis. Say hi, baba”

The little boy said nothing as he pushed himself further into his mum’s legs, clearly feeling intimidated of seeing a very tall stranger standing in front of his mummy.

“Hi Artemis, I’m Harry” he offered the boy the most friendly smile he could provide but he still wasn’t responding.

“I’m sorry, he’s… uh, very shy” Y/N blushed. “Darling, remember we’re polite to people” she said to her son.

Artemis let go of Y/N’s legs and took another peek to Harry, who was now crunched down to his level to make him feel more comfortable.

“Hello, Sir” he finally said, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he spoke.

Harry chuckled. “You can call me Harry, mate. I’m not that old”

Artemis nodded again. Silver and Spike came running to hug Harry, chanting Uncle Harry over and over again.

After the greetings, the kids went back playing and Y/N went to sit back on the couch, knowing how her son always wanted her close whenever he was feeling shy.

“Did I scare him?” Harry came with two glasses of wine. He sat beside her once she took it, mumbling a thank you.

“You didn’t. He’s just not so good with strangers”

“Missing his dad perhaps?” he inquired.

“You can miss someone you’ve never met” she chuckled before taking a long sip of wine.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay, I’m joking. I mean, he hasn’t met that piece of shit indeed but its fine”

“If it matters, I bet he’s an idiot” he leaned down to her, as if he was telling her a secret. Y/N snorted. “Anyway, I still hope I didn’t scare him”

Y/N shook her head. “Usually he’s like this, especially with other men, he doesn’t know many”

Harry turned to look at Y/N’s son. He was no older than four, he guessed. He had blonde, curly hair and hazel eyes. Harry thought his facial features were all from his mum, and he was so damn adorable.

“You have a very adorable one, looks just like his mum” Harry said, smirking at her.

“I know, right? Worth every back pain I had during nine months”

The two talked a little longer and Harry moved closer to her as their glasses became emptier. Harry thought she was very beautiful and charming, just like Adam had described her before.

He learned Y/N was 25 and a professor at UCL and she teaches at the UCL Department of Spanish and Latin American Studies in the Faculty of Arts and Humanities. He also learned Artemis was indeed four years old and had a passion for my neighbor totoro even though he has never seen the movie before.

“He just really likes the character” Y/N would say.

It was refreshing to see someone so put together at 25, he would admit. Everything that came out of her mouth was interesting for him, as he wanted to learn as much as possible from her.

The entire group had dinner outside, enjoying the beautiful night with light conversations and some more wine. Harry tried to talk to Artemis, but he still refused to answer him something else aside from ‘no’, ‘yes’ and ‘thank you’ for the time Harry complimented his shirt.

Every time, Y/N would send him an apologetic smile but he dismissed it offering her one of his own. He’s met shy children before, but usually none of them would be so closed off to him. He was good with children, heck, he loved them. But the one time he actually needed his charms with them to work, mostly to impress the pretty woman who happened to be the mum of said child, of course they didn’t.

In the other hand, Y/N was not surprised by her son’s reactions and felt bad for Harry every time he would try to talk with Artemis. She knew he didn’t do it to be impolite or rude, he just genuinely got that nervous around strangers. He even yelled stranger danger one time when a man asked him his favorite ice cream flavor, that man was an employee serving them the ice cream.

At the end of the night, everyone said their goodbye’s and Y/N went out of the door with a half sleep four year old laying on her shoulder as she carried him to the car.

Emi pushed Harry’s shoulder, silently telling him to go help her. And that’s what he did.

“Thank you” she said when Harry opened the backseat door for her.

“You’re welcome” he smiled. He observed how Y/N put Artemis on his car seat and buckled his seatbelt across his little chest. He also opened the door for her as the gentleman he was. “I… had a great time tonight”

“Me too. It was nice meeting you”

“Perhaps… we could go out some time?” he asked nervously. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to”

“I’d like that actually” They exchanged numbers quickly and Harry noticed how her lockscreen was a picture of Artemis in a Mickey Mouse costume.

“I’ll call you” he assured her.

“I’ll wait for your call” she smiled at him one more time before closing the door and starting her car and driving away.

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

Taglist!!

@odetostep

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝕲𝖔𝖑𝖉𝖊𝖓

____________________________

𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖌!𝕭𝖚𝖈𝖐𝖞 𝖝 𝕶𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙!𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝕬𝖀

𝕾𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞: When the Queen falls sick and passes away, King Bucky must marry another, preferably the princess of an alliance kingdom nearby, in order to keep peace and order among the lands. However she is the most god awful human being anyone has ever met. Her guard however well she was definitely not what the king expected.

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: making out? (part 4? smut next chapter [it was getting too long]) 

𝕬/𝖓: party party partyyy  i imagine the reader to be wearing something similar to zendaya’s met gala look 2018 but in gold even though it’s far from accurate but hey it’s fan fiction.

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 1.4k 

part one | part two | part three |

_____________________________

It was the day of the king’s annual celebration with the many kings throughout the land. That also meant tomorrow Bucky would need to make his final decision whether to accept the hand of Charlotte or return home without a queen. 

Before Bucky went downstairs to meet with his friends he stared at his appearance in the mirror. He wore gold fabrics with white and his sparkling golden crown bejeweled with diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and other jewels.

He also reminisced on the most recent time he’d spent with you. 

You were running through the forest, giggling and laughing looking behind yourself to see Bucky not far from you chasing you like a predator. You swiftly moved through the trees with grace sticks and twigs hardly snapping under you while Bucky was far from stealthy. Branches cracking and crunching underneath him.

You moved behind a large oak tree hoping you lost Bucky. You peeked around the tree to see if he had stopped to search for you but when you looked he was lost in sight. You moved up a bit to look harder and yet he was nowhere to be found. 

You moved back to spot only to find Bucky inches away from you scaring you.

“James!” you shrieked.

“You frightened me,” you pushed his shoulder. 

“Is that so?” he moved his face closer to yours. 

“Yes. Don’t do that again,” you cupped his face.

“But darling, it was hilarious. You should’ve seen your face. Priceless,” he leaned in to kiss you but you turned your face away.

“Oh come on,” Bucky grabbed your waist and pulled you close; nuzzling his face in your neck lovingly.

“No, you scared me half to death. I’m not going to kiss after that.”

“If I promise to not do it again will you let me kiss you?” you falsely hesitated making him chuckle at your antics.

“Fine.”

Bucky cupped your jaw and leaned tortuously slow. His lips brushing so softly against yours like he was dragging out time as much as he could possibly do himself. His nose brushing against your own as his lips moved more passionately. 

You and Bucky had kept this secret affair since that day in the field where he kissed you. Charlotte had become more distant as time went on and at first Bucky had tried to continue getting to know her but she was always locked up in her bedroom reading letters from someone Bucky had yet to discover. 

So he gave up and spent most of his time either with his friends or with you. It had gotten to a point where Charlotte and Bucky only saw each other for breakfast and supper when everyone would meet to eat together.

Her father would frequently ask of you two and Charlotte was always very quick to lie about what her and Bucky would be doing or talking about. Of course to appease the fellow king Bucky would play along. 

Now Bucky and Charlotte would attend the ball together and neither of them were rather ecstatic about the idea. They didn’t exactly hate each other but Charlotte wasn’t fond of Bucky and Bucky didn’t like her childish attitude and behavior he often saw. 

But nonetheless here they are attending a party together as if they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

“Look at you. You look dashing,” Natasha said hugging Bucky when he emerged from his room. 

“You look great, Buck,” Steve said, patting his friend’s shoulder.

“Impressive,” said Sam.

They headed towards the ballroom that was massive already filled with many wealthy people to lords and ladies and dukes and kings. People of many cultures too. Some were even rich traders and higher classmen. However, everyone was making the room seem a bit crowded. 

Bucky eyes landed on Charlotte wearing a large baby pink ball gown that was quite beautiful he’d admit. She was standing with her parents as they greeted people entering the party. He hadn’t seen you yet but his heart was racing at the thought of you with a magnificent dress, dressed to the nines.

He greeted the king and queen as did his friends and he took Charlotte’s hand to lead her down the beautiful staircase to the party. There was live music playing so Bucky looked to Charlotte and asked her to dance. 

She said yes and they began to move softly with the music. Something seemed to catch Charlotte’s eye as her mood changed quickly to be much more lively. Bucky searched for what it could be but was very distracted by you who had just entered the room.

You were ethereal. A goddess bestowed to bless everyone’s eyes. Bucky nearly fell over at the sight of you. You wore a golden dress similar to your knightly armor. Golden breastplate that covered your neck and shoulders, golden sheet covering your arms and circling your legs to leave a long golden train that dragged behind you. You were golden.

You haven't seen Bucky yet but you were very excited. He’s the reason you’re dressed for the party in the first place. You hate these parties because they were so useless and crowded and you just didn’t like them. But you wanted to see Bucky again and you were willing to sacrifice some of your time to this party.

You found Nat, Steve, and Sam; all aware of your a little forbidden affair, thankful they’ve kept quiet but they noticed how you’ve changed Bucky. He was more happy and looked like a man in love. You were perfect for him. 

So they stayed quiet in hopes Bucky would configure some sort of plan so that you’d be capable of receiving his hand in marriage. 

“Hey guys. You all look beautiful,” you said hugging each one of them. 

“Back at you,” Nat said holding your waist, “Bucky’s gonna freak when he sees you.”

“Looks like he already has,” Steve said, turning his head towards Buck who stood standing and gawking at you. 

You felt shy being under his hungry gaze, but continued to hold conversation with Steve, Sam, and Nat seeing as Charlotte was still with him. 

“You should close your mouth, you’ll catch flies,” Charlotte said to Bucky.

“I’m sorry? I don’t know what your- your talking about,” Bucky whispered completely flustered.

“I know you’ve been sneaking around. I saw you two at the field when it first happened,” Charlotte whispered to Bucky. 

“I’m so sorry I… I-” Bucky stammered.

“Don’t worry I haven’t told anyone,” she smirked.

“And why’s that?” 

Charlotte looked to a boy who stood at the edge of the dance floor staring at them.

“The duke’s son,” Bucky said.

“We met years ago. Since then we’ve talked a lot; sent letters. I love him and he loves me. But we can’t be together.”

“Why’s that? He seems like a better candidate than I am. I’m old.”

This made her chuckle.

“My father wants me to marry a king. Henry isn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Truthfully, I know you love Y/n.”

“I don’t know if love um, you know, uh,” Bucky stuttered again.

“You love her. It’s ok,” Charlotte laughed.

“What if she doesn’t love me back? What if she thinks this is some sort of fling? Maybe-”

“She loves you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy before. It’s kinda weird; and gross. And someone like Y/n wouldn’t waste a breath on someone who could get her in trouble unless she loved them.”

There was a nice silence that settled between them until Charlotte spoke up again. He went to look for you again but he saw you walking back up the stairs. Were you leaving already? You hadn’t come to him yet.

“She’s not a party person; surprised she even came out. Go to her.”

“Thank you. And tell Henry you love him.”

“He knows,” she laughed.

Bucky stepped away and followed your path completely leaving the party and celebration behind him for you.

======================================

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙:

@velvetcardiganbucky​​

@chipilerendi ​

@heavenhatesme

@austynparksandpizza

@ahahafudge ​

@onlyhereforthefandomandgiggles

@smoochesfroggos

@thegeekybibliophile​

[helenazbmrskai]

It’s all timing - pjm

– If you’re searching for a light and fluffy read well, this won’t be your cup of tea so continue with caution darlings! –

Title – It’s all timing

Pairing – cold husband! Jimin x clocksmith! OC

Genre – fantasy, romance, extreme amount of angst, time travel, smut, marriage, established relationship, Ceo, exes to lovers

Summary – I learnt the hard way that marriage can change a person. I would have never thought that an old watch will let me have a glimpse of my ex-husband’s world but don’t be mistaken I’m not here to fix things. I’m here to change it.

Warning(s) – Jimin is not a loveable character here (until way way later), cheating, mentions of emotional abuse and manipulation, falling in and out of love, the past and present clash a lot, different timelines that may be confusing, this is going to be a wild ride girls and boys, themes of depression and sadness, feeling of worthlessness, and self-image distortion, numbness, discussion of not wanting to have children. Unedited.

Word Count – (5.2k)

[21st March 2021]

Things between us were not always complicated. Our friendship was always exceptional even when friends fought and sought different ways after freshman year at the local Community College, Jimin and I were glued to each other’s side and maybe that’s why no one was surprised as we announced our plans to get married after we graduated.

The new world that greeted us after we finished high school only seemed meaningful because I had Jimin by my side. At that time I had no idea I’ll fall for him this hard, he literally became the extension of myself, my arms and limbs and the lungs that kept me alive. He was my first serious boyfriend even though I dated a few guys here and there before him but none of those relationships seemed to work out either because of me or the guy. Jimin is someone who could easily have his ways with words so when he decided to show interest in me as in more than friends, it was inevitable that I would give in. He was a wonderful lover in the beginning. Passionate and loving, we had many movie nights that ended up with his hands down my pants as his thick fingers rubbed my clit. He bought me flowers and comforted me when I had a bad day.

His cunning smile could get him out of a lot of trouble. Maybe that’s why I never saw the other side of him that sometimes peeked through his carefully crafted mask. I decided to ignore all the red flags until I found myself in a loveless marriage with a man that I couldn’t recognise anymore. Once I realised what had happened it was already too late.

 [12nd November 2018]

Jimin hated the fact that I was a heavy sleeper. He even threatened me once that he’ll sleep in the guest room if he had to wake up one more time to my alarm relentlessly ringing while I showed no signs of waking up any time soon.

My workspace was on the other side of town. The rent was cheap so it was worth the extra miles and the full tank of gas in my car but because of it I had to wake up extra early so I could finish showering then I would go to the kitchen to make lunch for Jimin to take with him to work and still have enough time to get ready with a freshly brewed coffee in one hand and toast in the other. Even after our first year in marriage passed by like a flash, Jimin continued to be his affectionate self, he showered me with kisses and felt needy for my touch.

It was one of our best years together. Jimin started to get more involved with his father’s company and my workshop began to gain more popularity to my greatest surprise. While I was working on an old clock that was brought into my shop by an old married couple a few hours ago my focus kept wandering back to this morning. Smiling under my nose as I thought back to why I was late to open up my little workshop this particular morning.

Jimin likes to be spontaneous he always calls me a bore when I hesitate to try out new things but this time he did not have to do much convincing before I agreed. It was weirdly satisfying to wake up to Jimin’s head buried between the juncture of my thighs, shaking and aroused even though I couldn’t feel or hear him do all those sinful things to me while I was asleep. I didn’t feel him take off my panties or lift the covers to expose my bare centre to his hungry eyes and when our gazes met he proudly told me how well I took his fingers even while I was unconscious.

Experimenting was not something I was willing to do before Jimin showed me the appeal of trying out new things. With him by my side, I felt invincible like I could conquer the world if he stays next to me holding my hand tight.

We outlived all expectations. They said high school sweethearts don’t last, well, we did.  Even though both of our parents were against the idea of us marrying each other so young we ended up doing just that. Jimin proposed after we got our diploma and I said yes. We lived together as roommates throughout all those years we spent together studying and we moved in together after both of us got our first jobs as postgrads.

I was happy it felt like we were at the top of the world but if I had known that after that year everything will go downhill I would have tried to be happier.

 [24th December 2019]

Do you know what are the telltales of cheaters? Well, it starts with subtle changes in his behaviour, you begin to see him less he makes up excuses of having too much work to do or stress so that he could avoid your advances.

He tries to make it up to you with expensive gifts but they mean nothing after the tenth impersonal present because all you would ever want is his attention and love instead of those pathetic attempts of showing their devotion with empty words. The last and most important one on the list is the new anonymous contact on his phone that shows several phone calls and text messages back and forth for hours.

Jimin did all of those.

He stopped experimenting with me. He would fuck me from behind even when I told him I want to see his face. No foreplay, no more cute nose kisses and breathless laughs between the acts of lust and playful wandering fingers.

He no longer cared if I finished first or not at all because after he was done it meant it was over. Jimin took a shower and crawled into bed facing away from me now that this task was taken care of. After the fifth time that he left me hanging, I gathered all the courage that’s left in me to stop his hands from dipping under my pants. I felt disgusted and used he made me think I’m a mere fucktoy that he can discard once it lost its appeal.

I had one of the worst days at work. The clock I was working on was missing a crucial part that I could only import from abroad and the man who wanted it fixed told me to don’t bother because he can’t afford such an expensive repair. It was not something that I could control, the clock was antique for fucks sake. He left without paying for my services even though I told him it was not the only part that I needed to change.

On my way home, a drunk man almost crashed into me with his Sedan and it left me a little shaken up, it was justified to feel the way I was and when Jimin tried to make a move on me by groping my breasts without asking permission first I just snapped.

Not one to back up he snapped right back and it led to one of our ugliest fights. I couldn’t believe the words he so carelessly let out from between those poisonous lips. We had quarrels before every couple has that, it’s normal to disagree to some extents but he went too far this time around. It’s not just the words that left me a crying mess on our bedroom floor with snot stuffing my nostrils, sniffing and rubbing the tears from my swollen eyes. I broke down once I heard the front door shut with a force that made the windows shake. It was past midnight when I heard shuffling and muffled voices, I knew Jimin was back so I cracked the door open just enough to peek into the dark living room.

It was not just Jimin, the smell of alcohol penetrated my nostrils as I watched my husband with disgust, making out with a girl in our shared apartment. I couldn’t believe the audacity he had to bring this chick back where we’re supposed to live together, it was just too much. Hearing him ram into her from the guest bedroom while I cried in our shared bedroom with just one wall separating us. I bet he didn’t even hear the front door closing while I dialled my friend’s number to pick me up. He couldn’t have heard that over that girl’s loud moaning.

I don’t remember when I finally stopped crying in my friend’s arms. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what happened. It was enough humiliation to witness my once loving husband come home with a quick fuck after a fight, it doesn’t matter that he was reeking of expensive shots of alcohol. It didn’t make his actions any less painful.

My heart broke into a million more pieces when I saw him calling me the next day. I didn’t have the guts to pick up, all I could see was him kissing another girl. I bet he was so drunk that he couldn’t remember anything, I wonder if he yelled at the girl in the morning to get the fuck out once he realised it’s not me who lays beside him. Wishful thinking on my part, he probably fucked her in the morning too just before he called me.

Somi finds my body doubled over her toilet throwing up water since it’s been a while I last ate. She helps me through it and gently gathers my hair into a loose ponytail so I won’t get any in my hair as beads of sweat and tears are rolling down my face. My body works on autopilot going through the cleaning motions as I take a burning hot shower and then lay down to get some rest. My body aches and the fatigue is evident in every lazy flutter of my lashes.

I hear his voice, pleading to my friend to let him see me. Now it’s dark outside, it must be hours that I slept through. Somi denies that I’m here and I’m thankful for her quick understanding, the last thing I want right now is to face him. Even though I never told her what happened between us she could sense that it’s more than just a little lovers quarrel.

Our second anniversary would have been next month but instead of roses and kisses next to a dimly lit dinner table, there’s only a big envelope with papers. Divorce papers. The first time he sees me after a month of silence is to have his signature that would end this relationship for good. Today should have been a nice memory filled with laughter and passionate lovemaking. Maybe we were never meant to find each other. Better off as friends, these simple yet powerful words might have saved our future back then if one of us were brave enough to say it.

Jimin looks worn out, it’s obvious he rushed here from his office once you called, he wears his formal attire. He didn’t think you would show up even though it’s supposed to be the day that you should celebrate another year of marriage.

The papers lay heavy on his side of the table as he skims through the content he sees that you already signed your part. He picks up the pen that I prepared in advance, his hands are shaking almost crushing the poor stationery in half with the strength that he holds it.

”I don’t want to d-divorce.” It’s the first sentence that he says to me. His lips are quivering and fat tears are rolling down his cheeks by the time he dares to look into my eyes. I’m however are past the point of shedding crocodile tears. I cried over him enough times to make my face feel numb and puffy with the amount of sadness that poured out of my body in pathetic waves. I can’t keep eye contact for long as his face keeps reminding me of that night I tried so hard to erase from my memory this past month. A part of me is furious seeing him cry, he was the one who sealed out fate. He has no right to feel sad or plead with me to give him another chance.

”If you ever loved me, you will sign it. I give you a week to do the right thing.” With those last words, our anniversary ended.

 [13rd October 2020]

”It’s been a whole year after your divorce, don’t you think it’s time to get yourself out there again?” So this is why she wanted to see me I realise.

I know Somi means well, but I dread those words coming out of her mouth every once in a while. If I think about it she was always good at choosing the worst timing to bring the subject up. She’s not aware that this particular day holds a lot of those sour memories that I once cherished. This day was once one of the most important days to me, to us.

Today is Jimin’s Birthday, it’s the first time since we became friends and then later lovers that we don’t spend this day together anymore. I don’t know how to feel about it yet. I used this new year to heal from my wounds that the love of my life left behind. Getting used to living alone after living with someone for so long was tough. I caught myself making more food than I needed or when I was shopping I got those yoghurts that Jimin loves so much even though I’ve always hated the taste of those. I end up throwing them out at home. I blocked his number and any kind of social media that I could think of from the top of my head. The silence between us was crushing at first, I thought that there are no more tears left to shed but when I got our divorce papers from my attorney I couldn’t stop the new waves of tears from escaping.

Yet all my efforts seem to be in vain as my mind keeps going back to him. I catch myself wondering how he’s doing. If he feels as shitty as me even after a full year apart. If he ever wished things would have been different between us. I just wanted to know if he ever regretted destroying our marriage because of another girl. I don’t know if they are together or not or if he dates her now that I’m out of the picture but it’s better left this way. I’m already heartbroken, seeing him again would just open up my barely healed wounds.

”Can we not talk about this today? I’m feeling kinda low right now.” I sigh, shaking my head habitually if only it would make me stop thinking about him. There’s an old fashioned watch with a silver-coated socket in front of me, it’s pretty. A middle-aged woman brought it to me today telling me that it was a gift from his grandfather but it was never in working condition. She went to several locksmiths over the years but no one could fix it so she asked at last that I would be willing to pay for it. I found it interesting so I agreed to buy it from her. I started working on the old watch and at the beginning, it didn’t want to tick even when I made the necessary changes. I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it when seemingly it didn’t have anything that needed to be fixed.

On my way home after a rough day at work, I bought some soju from the corner convenience store so I could at least get drunk enough to sleep through the whole night. The pills my therapist prescribed for me doesn’t seem to work at all nowadays.

I placed the watch down onto my bedside table and pulled the comforter over my drunk head. I heard the loud ticking of a clock but I don’t remember having one on the wall. I thought that my drunk mind probably was still hung up on the fact that I couldn’t even fix a simple watch so I shrugged the noises off and closed my eyes until red dots filled my vision.

I just need some sleep.

 [13rd November 2018]

”Wake up, baby. You’ll be late again.” There’s a kiss on my shoulder then on my temple as warm hands turn me around in bed. It feels oddly familiar to have two hands around my waist that pulls me into a hard chest, blond fluffy hair fills my vision once my eyelashes flutter open.

I’m back in our shared bedroom at his lavish apartment that’s a lot better than the shitty apartment that I was able to afford after our messy divorce. Divorce? Wait. A. Fucking. Minute. What is Jimin doing here holding me? It’s been too long that I saw him but he looks oddly young here, the Jimin I last saw started to get wrinkles and lost a bit of weight but this man reminds me of the boy I fell in love with. I remember getting drunk last night but I’m sure even at the state I was in I couldn’t get here on my own and I don’t remember getting a taxi or even getting up from my bed last night. I frantically search for my phone that I conveniently find on the nightstand, speechless as I watch Jimin stretch like we just didn’t share a bed together after one year of not seeing each other. He shouldn’t look so relaxed while I panic internally.

Then I see the date as my phone screen activates with my touch. I don’t use this phone anymore, I got another one after I blocked Jimin’s number because this device was a birthday present from him that kept reminding me of, well, him so I decided to change it even though I couldn’t afford a similar model like this with my single salary. I remember this day like it only happened yesterday it was around the time that he got a good position at his father’s company and we were both invited to a found raiser event. I bought this beautiful red dress that he eagerly ripped off of me once we were back at home slightly buzzed on the champagne.

It doesn’t make sense though. The only explanation that I can come up with is that I might be still drunk and I’m hallucinating of some sort after all it was just yesterday that Jimin’s birthday made me think about us again.

I lock myself into the bathroom. Sighing in relief once I am able to get away from Jimin’s inquiring eyes. He looked so confused when I refused to kiss him on the lips. I always kissed him goodbye before I went to work when things were still good between us. I just don’t know what to make of things right now, I’m so confused. It doesn’t feel like a dream at all and Jimin acts like he’s my husband rather than my ex-husband who cheated on me.

I splash some water on my face to calm down my nerves and I gasp when I look at my reflection in the mirror. My hair, it’s long. I got rid of those long locks after our divorce was done, Jimin liked my hair like this, long and curly, so I decided to cut it short.

”Baby, did you bring your work home? I don’t remember seeing this old thing on our nightstand when we went to sleep.” Eyes widening I rip open the bathroom door startling Jimin as I grab the old watch out of his hands. The digits are frozen one at eight and the other at one. 18. 2018? Jimin catches my hand mid-air as I try to slap myself so I could make sure this is not a dream.

”Baby say something. You’re scaring me. Are you alright?” Jimin holds my hand gently thumbs rubbing my skin as his eyes express his worry. It’s been a while since he was so affectionate. He stopped caring for me after he found that girl. I let him pull me into a hug, I missed this. I missed him but this moment doesn’t change the fact that the Jimin I loved so much cheated on me.

I left to go to work earlier than I used to around this time and I know Jimin noticed. I told him to get some takeout for lunch too.

I worked on the clocks hoping that it will distract me but it just made me think of what happened this morning more. Doing it the second time around made the process easier, I knew what was wrong with the clocks before I get them into pieces. I even remembered the young couple who brought an expensive watch to get it more fitted to his arms and he accidentally left his bracelet on my working bench after trying on the watch to see it fits after the adjustments.

Jimin sulked a little after I denied his kisses but he didn’t force me and for that I was thankful. He nagged me even when we were surrounded by his father’s workers at the found raising event to tell him what made me ’mad’ at him because he wants to apologize properly if he did something wrong. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t just tell him he should apologize for something he will do in the future, it will just make me the weird one.

I was nervous to go home after the event because I remember how this night was supposed to end. My hand tightens around his arm when I see her approach us. I feel my stomach sink when she smiles at the both of us, introducing herself as Jimin’s coworker. I didn’t remember meeting her here but at that time I had no idea she’ll be the one who my husband cheats on me with. It was dark that day but I remember her blonde hair and her voice. I remember her moaning Jimin’s name.

”Y/N?” I snap my head towards the sound of his voice. He looks concerned it’s not the first time tonight that he had to repeat what he said. I feel sick, my body subconsciously leans on him to get a grip of reality.

I realised this is when it began. Her smile is anything but genuine as she fakes her concern, I can see the jealousy in her dark orbs as she watches my hand around my husband’s arm. She wanted him for herself all this time. She just doesn’t know yet that she succeeded a year after. A tear slid down my cheeks but I aggressively got rid of it before it could reach my chin. Jimin caged me between his strong arms drawing soothing circles onto my back but it doesn’t affect my body positively how it used to I cried harder inside his arms.

Jimin excused us and she relented even though it was clear as day that she wanted to send me daggers through her stare rather than her wishes for me to get better. The car ride was silent, he didn’t let go of my hand and I let him. I let this version of Jimin comfort me because he didn’t do anything wrong, not yet. He had no idea that this was our last happy years spent together before everything went downhill after that.

He held me in his arms.

 [5th March 2019]

After my revisit of 2018, I realised a few things. Firstly, I can travel between time with that old watch that only seem to works for a short period of time until it stops at the year I want to visit. The second thing I learnt is that Jimin can be manipulated with the right words. I decided after that night I saw her face raging with malice and jealousy that I’ll find out what really had happened between them. I know Jimin loved me even though I had doubts about it after our divorce. I knew him well we spend so much time together as friends even before we started dating. However, I never thought he would go so low as to cheat on his wife.

He was always gentle and understanding with me. Accepting the fact that I didn’t want to have children. He loved them but accepted me for who I was and never questioned why I felt this way. He was a good man, a good husband.

So I decided to watch him from afar and when she thought no one was looking, she showed her teeth like a venomous snake planting ideas into Jimin’s head talking shit about me, twisting my actions and words; going as far as telling him she thinks I am cheating on him! I know those pictures were fake as I did no such thing. I was so in love with him I would never betray him like that.

Then I remembered his odd change in behaviour, how he treated our once lovemaking sessions as fucking. How he couldn’t look into my eyes while he buried his dick inside my cunt made sense in a way now.

He thought I was the one who played him. He let himself believe that I was late from our dinners because I was fucking someone behind his back and when I told him I’m not in the mood to have sex. He got even angrier he thought that if I lied to his face he will show me what pain feels like by fucking that snake in our guest bedroom. My head was swimming overwhelmed with this information.

The truth hurt like hell.

I thought I will feel somewhat better once I discovered the truth but I feel even shitter. Jimin believed her, he didn’t bother to ask me if I was indeed cheating on him but can I really blame him? I didn’t ask either when I suspected it. We let our insecurities and that jealous bitch stand in between our marriage making it crumble down to pieces. I was angry, raging as my hand shook with it and it led me back to that day it happened. It felt too late to fix things so I closed my eyes and turned the clock. Leaving everything behind. Once and for all.

There’s nothing left for me to change in our past, I can’t fix our past mistakes but maybe I could change things in the future. Starting with exposing that snake. I wasn’t even surprised to see her as the head of the newly developed department.

[11st April 2021]

Jimin took over the firm after his father fell ill as I got to know from her assistant. I could tell she was surprised to see my face but even more surprised to realise it’s not Jimin’s whereabouts that I want to know but rather hers.

I shouldn’t be this smug about the fact that he cut all ties with her after our divorce. Deep down he was still a good man who couldn’t believe the fact that he fucked someone else while his wife cried next door with just one thin wall separating them.

I pictured this moment in my head a lot after I came back from the past. I’m way past the hurt and anger that settled in my bones for a full year and even before that. Instead, I felt eerily calm for someone who’s here to put up a show for the employees. I don’t even care if they think I’m crazy because once I locate her in her cubicles and dig my hair into her scalp pulling her hair hard with my iron grip all I could feel is utter satisfaction.

”I hope you enjoyed your good fuck. Was it satisfying to make my husband a cheater? I bet it was. Did you think I will never find out that you fed him lies and spread rumours about me sleeping around with men?”

Even the security watched as I pulled her by the hair the commotion around us almost drowned out the crying noises she made because of the pain. I didn’t pull that hard though, I hate her with every fibre of my being but I’m not a malicious person like her. She would deserve worse than what I’m doing but I never want to go down to her level ever again so I let her go.

”How did you found out?” She looked pale as a ghost. I know she was scared she had every right to be because I’m sure I have that crazy look in my eyes.

”It doesn’t matter. What does matter, however, is that now I know what you did to him. All for what? Just to have him all to yourself? Look how that turned out for you.” The people around us fell silent that’s how I knew Jimin is here. So I took a step closer to her and smiled.

”I never cheated on him but you know this well. This is not even why I feel so angry. The reason why I want to rip your hair out right this instant is not because you spread lies and badmouthed me but because you made him a cheater.”

It’s his first time seeing me after our divorce but I’ve been seeing him these past weeks thanks to the old watch. This time around I was able to look into his eyes and see that boy I fell in love with. We went through so much together, maybe.

Maybe we can overcome this too.

©️ helenazbmrskai (Like and Reblog don’t repost!)

[playinonaloop]

Chapter 4: Save us

Warning throughout the series: (mentions of) smut, violence, drugs, alcohol, guns, maffia stuff, ya know!

Story masterlist

A warm wind blew onto Daniels ‘s face as he ran out into the garden. He blew out air through his nose while he crouched down. To torture you was one thing, but to kill you? Daniel knew that only would bring death and destruction to his family. His body became hot as the world started to spin around him. Daniel’s heart started to race, blood pounding in his ears. He sat down and tried to grab the small stones of the gravel path beneath him.

Thoughts were spinning through his head; his mother had really gone mad. She was really planning to kill you, for something as simple as money. Daniel knew that there was more to it than just money. He knew his family was tied up into something bigger than he could ever imagine. Why did you get left behind? Was this a way to get underneath the skin of his parents? Why didn’t they leave Joey? Were you something your family thought of as less, just as his family did?

Everybody in the Ricciardo family knew that his sister, Michelle, was going to be the next one to lead the family. Her being older, and perhaps more twisted, aided to that. She fitted right into the way his family portrayed themselves. Daniel didn’t use drugs like they did, he didn’t drink alcohol. He didn’t enjoy torturing like they did. In every aspect he was different than them. Joe, his dad, was in many ways like him but, because he married Grace, he changed to her liking. And with that, Joe didn’t hold her back in the things she did.

Daniels ‘s breath slowed down again as he got a grip of the stones beneath him. He threw them away from him as he took deep breaths to calm down again. After a short moment, he stood up and turned around to take a look at the house. His brown eyes scanned the house, taking it in. The big windows, balconies with lounge sets on them. A curtain that blew out of a window. Daniel walked back a bit to see the enormous roof with some small towers on top of it. He knew that it wasn’t normal to live in such a mansion. With that thought on his mind, he walked back inside.

--

Soft whimpers left your mouth as the pain became unbearable. The sun was now high up in the sky which meant that Daniels ‘s visit had been a few hours ago. You hadn’t had food or something to drink in a while now, in combination with being tortured it made you feel awful. The smell of dried blood was starting to make your head spin. As you looked down you saw that your jeans were drenched in blood. This made you close your eyes shortly; you knew you had lost a lot of blood.

When you opened your eyes, you knew you had slipped out of consciousness for a bit. The sun was starting to set. It marked the end of day four, making it almost five days since you saw your family. God, you hated this situation. A frustrated groan left your mouth as you thought about the last moments before you went on this stupid mission. Eating breakfast with your parents and Joey, giving your dog Katy a last cuddle before leaving. Tears started to well up in your eyes. You knew that you were going to die here if your family didn’t show up tomorrow. As a family you had mutually decided that, if there wasn’t an option to save one of them within the first five days of being kidnapped or left behind, you didn’t get saved. It took too much risk to come and save someone who might actually be dead due to starvation, torture or even murder. Yes, it was a very hard choice to accept. But it had to be done, to save the family.

The door behind you opened. It made you sit up, hoping someone came to bring you something to eat and drink. You realized that it wasn't a food delivery by the way the person moved through the room. Another set of footsteps joined.

"We're giving you another chance to 'fess up"

Michelle her voice cut through the air, a shiver running up your spine as Grace walked towards the windows. You quickly saw the gun she was carrying. It made you realize this could end in two different ways. You could either tell them or die. A smile played your mouth as another idea popped up in your mind.

"Okay"

"Okay?"

It made Michelle walk towards you, Grace turned around with a frown on her face.

"Yeah, I'm dying either way"

Grace scoffed and smiled. She let go of the gun.

"Clever girl..."

You told them this big story, how your parents decided they would legalize weed as they grew it on the farm back north of Queensland. To what degree they went to flood the now legal market. How they profited of it, making them become wealthier than they had ever been. You told them in detail where the farm was, Michelle left the room to send an investigator up there. Grace just stared at you. In dismay.

“I can’t believe you would betray your family like that.”

“Well, they left me here to die. Didn’t they?”

Hatred fueled your eyes, and they believed your story.

“I’ll make sure they get your regards”

Grace left. You took a deep breath in, shaking your fear out of you. The farm you talked about was an empty shell. Your family didn’t use it, as it used to be an old family home. It was completely empty. A giggle left your mouth, it was all a lie. The Ricciardo’s weren’t going to win in any way. You were going to die anyway, now or in 80 years.

You looked out of the window, staring into the abyss as a few hours passed by. It turned completely dark outside. The door behind you opened but you were too tired to respond.

It was Daniel that sat in front of you. A knife in his hands. You knew it was time. A tear slipped out of your eye, making you nudge your shoulder to your cheek. He didn't look at you.

"So ironic that you are the one to..." You scoffed softly.

Daniel looked up at you. Your eyes met and it was electrifying. Now that he was sitting here in front of you, you had time to take him in. Thinking that he would be the last thing you would see because you weren't sure if there was anything like an afterlife, your eyes slid over his head. You could see how messy his curls were, almost identical to how they were this morning. A number of curls had slumped to the side, as if they were too heavy to hold. You would always remember his sun-tanned head, that's how he used to look. The wrinkles around his eyes that no doubt came from laughing all the time. The beard that made him look older than he was. You looked further down. A muscular body, dressed in a simple black t-shirt and shorts. Daniel didn't wear socks, also something he never did. You now saw the rose on his hand, you recognized it from somewhere.

"How long do you have that rose?"

"I don't know, since 2018 I think, why?"

"No, it's nothing, thought I recognized it"

"Oh"

The silence came back, and it became unbearable.

"If you aren't going to kill me, just do it"

He stood up, playing with the knife. Daniel looked back and forth between you and the door. It made you want to cry, because he made your ending so much longer than it needed to be. That also made you angry. You could feel death lingering over you, his hands were playing with the knife as if it was a lego block, something as innocent as that.

“Can’t you see how fucked up this is?”

“Well how am I supposed to go on then?!” You looked up at him, despair in your eyes. This was the moment that would break or make your or his family.

Drawing blood from his hands as he twists the knife in his hands and looked away at the closed door.

You were starting to get annoyed with him. He was prolonging your life for what?

"Daniel, look at me damn it!"

He finally looked at you. Really looked at you. His eyes weren't blank anymore. Instead, you saw something you didn't recognize.

"I remember swimming with you and your brother, you know. Almost every summer behind the cliffs where we used to ride to from your house."

You raised an eyebrow as he started talking about something from the past. He continued.

"I remember playing hide and seek while our parents had meetings together. I recall sitting with you on the swing."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"A few years ago, I had the most wonderful night. It was a night out with friends. After a few drinks I decided to get on the dance floor. The club played the greatest hits but also a few from the past. While dancing, I saw the prettiest girl. High heels, a sleeveless dress, just up to my liking. Long legs, long hair and smelled like freshly cut watermelon with a hint of smoke but it didn't overwhelm me. "

You knew where this was going. Daniel was now face to face with you, close. Now you recognized the smell, sweet like a candy shop but also the saltiness from the sea.

"We danced for quite a bit, my hands roaming her body freely. Kissing her neck. She grabbed my hand, where I had a rose. A rose just like this one."

He shows you his hand. Not too close to your face to make sure he didn't cut you with the knife he held.

"It was a fake tattoo at the time, you know, some a temporary tattoo that you stick on with a wet cloth."

Daniel smiled as he bent down.

"My friend whispered to me that I was dancing with the devil."

A chuckle left his mouth. He sat on the floor in front of you.

"I was dancing with you, he had seen your face and made me leave. Again I was disturbed in being who I wanted to be. I wanted to be carefree, to live without the responsibility of being a member of the fucking maffia!"

His hand drove the knife into the wooden floor. It cracked. You tried to shuffle your chair backwards, afraid he would drive the knife in your leg next. Daniel looked up at you.

"My parents do not find me important enough to take me with them in most of the family meetings. They take Michelle. But in the last few days I've realized something. It's okay that they don't. Because I do not want to be like them."

Daniel pulled the knife out of the floor.

"I. Want. Out!"

He spoke through gritted teeth, moving the knife towards your leg.

"So, this is the plan. I will act like I killed you but obviously will not kill you. Then I will wrap the blanket, that's laying by the door, around you and I will carry you to the car. I'll go back inside to tell my parents that I am going to dispose of your body. I'll show them a picture of you in the blanket. In my car I have two fake passports, because we need to talk."

Daniel cut all the ropes around your feet, body and wrists. You were speechless to say the least. He walked to get the blanket and grabbed another bottle of something.

"Can you lay on top of it, I've got some fake blood I will put on your chest and onto the knife and then some on the blanket so it will be realistic."

You just looked at him, rubbing your wrists. The wounds on your stomach hurt.

"Why are you saving me?"

"Because, I reckon, you want out too. Now lay down, we don't have much time"

Daniel put a hand on your shoulder and softly pushed you towards the blanket. You sat and laid down carefully. He put some fake blood on your chest and on the knife. A little pool of blood was quickly created, but it was mixed with your own. Some of the cuts on your stomach opened, making you groan.

"Okay, okay, eyes closed; just a second."

He took the photo and put it in his back pocket.

"So just lay there for a minute. I've got some medical stuff to help you with the.. duh.."

Daniel looked visibly distressed.

"You don't have to talk about it"

Your voice was soft, making him look at you instead of the cuts. He grabbed Betadine and some bandages.

"It might hurt"

"Just do it, the proces of making them hurt even worse"

He looked hurt at the way you snapped at him.

"Sorry"

"No, it's okay"

Daniel gave you his hand before he put the Betadine on. You squeezed it hard, making you clench your jaws as he cleaned it a bit. He then bandaged it.

"I'm now going to wrap you up and carry you to the car"

Before you knew you were in the trunk of the car. It was dark, cold and to be quite frank; scary. You laid there for a bit, refueling yourself with small bites of the sandwich Daniel made and drinking a bit of water. The car started to drive away, making you grip the flooring of the trunk to hold on. You rest your head against the bag that laid in the trunk too. After a while, you slipped into a nap.

"Hey, you still with me?"

You opened your eyes and met Daniel who was very close to your face. It made you shuffle backwards. "Sorry, I'm just glad you're awake. Shall I help you get out?" "Yes, uh, please." Daniel grabbed your hands and helped you up. He briefly shielded your head as you came up and nearly hit the edge of the trunk. "I brought you some clothes to put on, because what you're wearing now can't be called clothes anymore." He handed you a bag and then walked away to the lookout point where we were parked. You looked around briefly before opening the bag. The bag was full of clothes, short-sleeved shirts, long-sleeved shirts, sweaters, jeans, sweatpants. You name it or it was in there. The cold had now crept into your bones, so you opted for layers. A short-sleeved shirt with a sweater over it. Jeans with a sweater over it. Daniel had even thought of clean underwear.

"You can turn around now, I'm dressed."

Daniel turned back to you and took you in.

His face showed signs of complete horror. "I'm so sorry." A tear rolled down his cheek. He collapsed, causing you to walk right up to him. He cried. Tears also slowly streamed down your cheeks. He put his arms around you. You cried together. After a while the tears were gone.

"What now?" "I need to let my parents know that I'm fine and that I'm free." "And after that?" "After that we'll see what we're going to do"

He smiled at you, it made you smile back. You were free, you were safe. Daniel saved you and himself in the proces.

"Can I suggest one thing we can do?"

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

His voice was soft and nervous. Daniel kept smiling a little, with a little blush on his cheeks.

"Yeah"

"Yeah?"

You nodded.

"Okay"

Daniel stepped closer to you, the space between you now almost non existent. His hot breath fanned over your face. He looked down at you, scanning your eyes again. You took in that rich smell of cologne that he wore. It was as if the night at the club continued. But then in silent. His eyes looked into yours. They seemed lighter in color in the moonlight. The dark ring around his iris was a great contrast to the amber color inside. His pupils were large because of the lack of light in the area. Daniel surprised you by letting his lips gently touch yours. His hand found its place on your cheek, he gently rubbed it with his thumb. He tasted fresh, almost like he just brushed his teeth. It made you realized he had a mint before. Daniel had planned everything which made you giggle against his lips.

[thetimelessdreams]

Jack's last battle | Radioactive

Inspired by this guy, his powers and his appeal. He has always been my accurate representation of what I'd be as a guy. And he got no screen time. :(

Two days ago I found one picture on my phone, it's from 2018, the year that the sequel to The Incredibles released. It was a picture of Gamma Jack that I was showing around my elementary school asking what kind of emotion his face is supposed to portray. Maybe happiness or ignorance. We never figured him out.

So, I nostalgically rewatched the movie and the 2nd DVD with the heroes talking. I also downloaded LEGO The Incredibles and unlocked Gamma Jack with the cheat code.

There aren't many stories about him as I checked. (#justiceforgammajack)

Moving on to the actual story...

*******

- Jack, welcome home! - Thanks, darling. The day was hella tiring! - Why so? - I had to be a questor for a Spanish exam. It was exhausting since Spanish isn't a language I know. The students are always so happy when I teach about radiation rays. So being a questor made me think a little about my overuse of power recently. When I demonstrate the various types of materials, they disintegrate. Yet I see my students being interested in listening and watching. I enjoy being around them so much. Hahaha. - Jack, you really have changed since our glory days. Remember them? You used to be so reckless. I was so worried. - Yeah, I sure do. Thanks for always believing in me when no one else did. Thanks for making me the happiest man and most importantly, thanks for being here still.

Then they hugged. The warm embrace of his wife had always made Jack happy. The hug was longer than expected. Jack went to his children's room. His son and daughter had already had dinner since Jack comes back late from work every day. So, they have to dine without him.

- Father, I have B+ in Chemistry today! I am so happy!! - We are both proud of you, son - Jack said. - Thanks, mom and dad! - Dad, and I got a boyfriend. He is from my class and is a big strong boy. Please say I can date him. - What? You have a boyfriend before I had my first girlfriend now? I was in fifth grade and you are in third. Ah, you are growing up faster than ever, don't you? - Yes, dad! - his daughter said with a smile.

Even if superheroes weren't allowed to breed, most still had children. One day, many years ago Jack had been contacted by his old colleague, Robert, who announced that he had a daughter, regardless of the rule. Simon and Lucius decided to not violate the law and remained without children.

Before his hero days, he was known as a bad teenager, who spent some time in jail. The walls of the prison never stopped him and he was soon taken by the NSA. His powers were strong and could kill, unlike others' abilities. He was always watched to not misbehave.

But the NSA stopped all superhero acts after heroes' big prohibitions and suings.

After the ban, Jack started working as a physician at the local university. He was giving lectures almost every day. Until he found a new theory about a natural phenomenon that wasn't explained before. The whole thing won Jack a lot of fame and a Noble prize nomination. He used his real name, and he changed his hairstyle and his persona completely. No more prioritizing women and selfishness. All of their friends and relatives can proudly say that he is a completely different person.

The rest of the superheroes that had problems sticking to normal lifestyles envied Jack and his wife. They had excellent lives. Everything had been fine for them. They were never sued for superhero acts in the past.

At the university, he was talking about how weird he felt when he realized he can throw radiation bursts around. His wife on the other hand was also a lector at the same university but in a different subject. She also demonstrates using her powers. That doesn't cause suspicion which is odd for anyone who talks to them. The students even love having them around. Both joke a lot and are really understanding people.

Sadly, for some time, they missed being superheroes. No more battles. Just them using their powers for education which isn't something bad or useless. But that doesn't bring the same passion, joy and excitement as in the glory days. No more groups of women wanting autographs from Jack. No more champagne for the brilliant wins over the forces of evil.

Until one day something weird happened. Jack's wife was invited to a weird island. There she had to help with the killing of a dangerous robot. Seemed like an impossible task to her, so Jack came along.

He could sense it was a trap and told his wife, but money made her not listen to him. She flew to the island without him. Fortunately, Jack can fly fast.

But it was too late when he reached the island. His wife was dying, after being smashed by a big robot. - Noooooooo! - Huh, Gamma Jack? You also are here! How convenient of you to show up for the big surprise! Syndrome said as he saw the blonde flying to his precious woman. Jack was silently sobbing, as he felt his radiation grow stronger. The anger inside of him made him more powerful. Deep in his bones, straight from inside he shot only one shot on the damn machine and it pierced through it easily. - You destroyed my expensive robot! You will be sorry! I am Syndrome and- Before he could finish his sentence, Gamma Jack was gone in a cave with his wife. She was cold like ice, her body wasn't moving, her heart wasn't beating, and she was bleeding internally as her whole body was crushed like a cockroach.

He wished she was alive. He wanted her to listen to him. Then he found someone's skeleton in the cave. It was Simon's body and goggles. He had written on the wall: "Kronos". - Ah, partner, what is this Kronos leading to?

Jack waited several hours and decided to fly off to his home already. But he was grasped by a giant hook-looking thing. It was just like the robot from before, but this time he had no way to destroy it like before. The claw was so strong that it was suffocating him. He couldn't concentrate at all. The robot shot him with a laser in his head. He might be strong to defeat a robot but is not immortal to kill its next version. Such a sad moment. The third strongest hero died. Syndrome was watching from a camera in the robot and Mirage's heart was aching. She was tired of seeing her childhood heroes dying, especially Gamma Jack.

- Hey Mirage, what's it? You seem unhappy as if you knew this jerk from before. That damn sexist learnt his lesson, didn't he? - Shut up. Two birds down (with almost) one stone.

********

That sounds like a death that Ivan Vazov would write, to be honest. And this was it for today. Tell me if you want more stories about superheroes from The Incredibles, cause I'd definitely enjoy writing more!

July 3rd/4th 2021.

[gagmebucky]

hiiii i wrote this awhile ago but took it down because i was 👉🏼👈🏼 embarrassed about it (because i do not have the skill to pull off peter parker) and sorta still am but everyone’s been so nice to me about it i thought the best way to repay the kindness by posting it for those who did like it 😅 (originally inspired by spider man 2 with andrew garfield but loosely set in the 2018 issue of the amazing spider-man.)

in which the guys are making fun of peter and accidentally see a video of him fucking you. (includes avenger!peter x girlfriend!you, peter’s pov, voyeur!steve and voyeur!bucky, a sex tape featuring d/s dynamics, bondage, praise kink, exhibitionism, unprotected sex.) 

do not repost.

—

Despite being twenty-one years old; a proper adult who lives with his high school sweetheart, a photographer doubling as a seven-year veteran vigilante in the dangers of New York, Peter Parker is still considered as a super-powered amateur to his seasoned peers. 

Nonetheless, given his success in countless battles in the state, country, world and even galaxy-wide, he more than qualifies to hold the title of Avenger; it’s official now. A laid-back induction ceremony and his very own identity card: a sturdy rectangle, shiny with full clearance and all. Yet, as an official member, his teammates still treat him like he’s that same goofy, out-of-his-depths sixteen year old.

To be fair, yes, his style of heroism isn’t the most serious. He favors levity in the face of danger, a cheeky flare with smart quips and an infuriating grin. Even after taking a beating from the worst of foes, his demeanor never wavers because in the end, he wins. The villains are slayed and the people are saved, even comforted by the boyishly confident way he works. 

But beyond that persona, he has grown into a skilled warrior. On that note, he wants to be regarded as such—at least, to a certain extent. The jokes and teasing, poking fun at his age or the shenanigans he gets himself into, don’t bother him. No, his playful wit handles it with relative ease, and he’s a good sport about it. The only thing that he’d want to see change is some recognition that he isn’t a naïve kid anymore and is fully capable of taking charge when needed.

With his recent acceptance into the gifted pantheon, he’s intent on making that known. The jesting can continue but he wants it to be with an understanding of his capabilities. Luckily, a perfect opportunity has presented itself to showcase his abilities: a training session. 

He’s late. And yes, he knows that’s probably not a good impression to make.

In his own defense, it isn’t technically his fault. He forgot that you, his personal alarm clock (amongst other things), left early this morning because you volunteered to help his aunt move. Four years of mornings and nights, he’s gotten used to—and prefers—your languorous wake-up call.

Without your reminder, he regains consciousness fifteen minutes after the scheduled time and ends up scrambling to the compound. In a flurry, he throws on his suit—unknowingly backwards, he realizes later—trips at least three times over his own footing before he finally springs out of the balcony with webbed bursts.

When he reaches his destination, Captain America and the Winter Soldier are unimpressed; mid-simulation, it powers down. Both super-soldiers whirl around to face him, fixing raised eyebrows at his disheveled arrival.

He adjusts his now front-facing suit and shuffles forward into the space with as much confidence as an interrupter can have. “H - hey, guys,” Peter greets sheepishly and manages what he hopes is a charming smile, absentmindedly fidgeting with his phone. “Lookin’ good for a couple of geezers.” 

Unfortunately, Steve Rogers is not charmed or disillusioned from the tardiness. “You’re late, Parker.” His arms fold, and he shakes his head when punctuating his disapproval with an echoing, “Again.” 

Thankfully, to his right, more relaxed and cool, Bucky Barnes steps up. “C’mon, Stevie. Y’can’t be that surprised,” he chimes in matter of factly, contrasting against his friend with amusement sparkling in his blue eyes. “What’d you expect with Parker?” He gestures at the younger superhero. “Kid’s gonna be late to his own wedding.”

(Beside the point, but worth noting, he will not be late to meeting you at the altar. That is, of course, if you accept when he pops the question. Which is going to happen relatively soon, considering he has the ring in his nightstand drawer.)

The consult seems to relax him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right and—Peter, you—seriously, man?!” Steve sputters the last bit when he glanced over to see him blatantly check the notification that’s vibrated in his hand (on the device that is ruled to be stowed away during training). “Now the phone?!” 

Even though he shouldn’t, being on thin ice with Cap and all (pun not intended), Peter’s gaze flickers down to see your contact name appear on the screen, and he can’t resist. While Bucky guffaws a laugh at his audacity, he’s swiping up to pull up your text thread. 

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:37AM: spider boyyyyy you’ll never guess what i found in a box labeled ‘peter’s junk’ ;;;)

peter, 10:37AM: those magazines are NOT mine and i don’t know how they got there.

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: not quite but close, naughty boy

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: for a man who depends on keeping secrets and a penchant for home movies, you might ought to keep a lock on your phone unless you want someone to see me like this...

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: (video attached)

Immediately, he recognizes the pornographic thumbnail. One glance, and he’s remembering the first couple of times you guys explored the exhibitionism side of things. It was at the end of his freshman year of college and taped on a phone he thought he had lost. But he must've forgotten it at his aunt’s house, and she tossed it in the box until you came along. 

Although there’s been plenty more made, he recalls that one being a shared favorite, his especially. When long-distance duty calls, it was his go-to media. The angles, your face and body beneath the lights, the sounds it caught, you once asked if he considered switching to cinematography instead of photographer

Subconsciously, his teeth run over his bottom lip, feeling that blazing spark of desire igniting in the pit of his gut, partially at the memory and partially at what’ll happen once you guys can re-watch it together; his thumbs start typing away with that message.

“Peter!” Steve’s exasperated voice snaps, but to no avail—the real gall of the youngster, or the effect of you. His weight shifts toward his best friend, and he nudges him with his elbow. “Kids these days!” The hundred-something year old’s gaze cocks a brow back over. “Is that why you were late? Blowing off training to text your girlfriend?”

The text delivers with an audible bloop. Finally, his concentration gives, and he can look up, though his expression is clueless from the last minute. “Huh?” His brain registers what he missed, and he winces. “Sorry, Cap. My bad.”

Bucky chuckles. “Give him a break, Steve,” he faux comes to his defense, a teasing quality underlying his tone. “He’s young and in love. It’s not his fault he’s pussy-whipped.” He cracks him an antagonizing grin as Peter rolls his eyes. “He can’t go an hour without sending those little weird pictures with heart eyes, or she might not know he’s thinking about her.”

“As if you know anything about romance, old man,” he fires back and presses past them with squared shoulders, correcting him quite seriously: “And they’re called emojis, by the way. But that’s not what I was doing, if you want to know so bad.”

The brunette tilts his head thoughtfully, and small hackles arise for reasons he doesn’t understand, or pay attention to. “You know, I do want to know really badly,” Bucky decides and poses a question to his left, “Wouldn’t you, too, Steve? Aren’t you curious what his girlfriend sent that was so much more important than training?”

The blond mimics his actions and clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I am.” 

Peter’s eyebrows pinch while his skin tingles and the hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. “What—” Before his senses process it, one of the super-soldiers plucks his phone out of his hands and darts back beside his best friend. His jaw drops as he tries to follow after him. “Bucky, you asshole—”

“Some spidey senses, huh?” The Winter Soldier lifts it high over his head, utilizing his six-foot stature against his five-ten like elementary school bullies do and older siblings to their juniors. “Haven’t ‘cha heard about sharing with the class?” He laughs and practically stiff-arms him to squint up at the screen. “Aw, he can’t wait to see her. What’s it been, more than two hours since you two saw each other last?” 

Conceding to the height difference, Peter stops his physical efforts and diverts it to someone reasonable. “Cap, you gonna help me out here?” he addresses the entertained onlooker in the most friendly voice he can manage. 

“The kid’s got separate anxiety not just from his girlfriend but phone too, Buck,” Steve drawls with a lopsided curve of his lips. He side-steps Peter to stand next to Bucky, and for a second, he thinks he’s on his side despite the tease, but he simply adds a stern, “So be careful. You don’t want to break it, or Parker will have a fit.”

Peter crosses his arms and scowls. “Ha, ha,” he retorts dryly, only somewhat amused by their banter. He tilts his head up at them, and the duo look thoroughly pleased with themselves. “You know, you guys are kind of dicks.”

“No, we’re your mentors, kid,” Steve corrects with a wink and rests his arm on his friend’s shoulder. “This is a lesson. No phones—” He jabs his thumb back in reference to the device’s unlocked screen: “—when you’re supposed to be training.” 

“Yeah,” Bucky chimes in upon glancing up from his phone. “And a little advice, women don’t like clinginess. Try being a little more stern and see how that works for you. If you’re able to manage that. But I won’t hold it against ya if you can’t.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter patronizes with a bob of his head, biting back a response pointing out the hundred-something year old’s inexperience. Instead, he focuses on the electronic readily loaded up with some private content. With that, he decides to do the rational and mature thing and ask nicely. “Noted. So, uh, can I have my phone back now?” 

To his shock, Bucky merely flashes a smirk and his thumb scrolls half-heartedly over the thread. Thereafter, he leans toward Steve and raises his cell for him to see. “Oh, look, it’s a video,” he teases. “What could Y/N send that would take priority of training?” 

There’s an unspoken let’s see then a metal finger taps the play button. Before Peter can think, much less react, Captain American and the Winter Soldier are watching how he effortlessly renders his pretty little girlfriend into a cute nonsensical yet eager mess— 

In his point-of-view shot, the ratio holds in portrait view in a bid to capture every bit of you. Above you, the camera focuses on you and your beautifully debauched state beneath warm lighting where it’s unalienable that the camera was made for you. 

Your eyes are dilated brightly, desperate with desire as your lashes flutter up at him. A sheen coats your features and glistens like glitter at the highest points of your face while the shape of your face is framed by your stretched arms. 

Your wrists are bound over your head, splotched with expertly sprayed strong, white webs. The mesh sticks them together in a criss-cross, comfortable but nearly impossible to break out of, fixed in place atop his headboard. The tautness tugs a mild strain on your figure so your breasts are jutting out like an offering, and it’s obvious he’s taken advantage of it. Darkened marks adorn your glowing complexion, peppered across your décolletage with imprints of his teeth; including your nipples, sucked swollen and tender. 

The angle trails down until it reveals the sight of him mercilessly pounding inside of you. His better-than-average girth is sliding in and out of your tight channel; slicked in shared translucent essence, creaming around the base, your inner walls visibly clinging to his cock with every backward stroke. His hand splays on your mound, using his thumb to abuse your engorged clit. He easily keeps the sensitive nub pinned under his control despite your wildly twisting hips. 

Like the display, the soundtrack is equally obscene. Loud, your stuffed depths gush and squelch as skin slaps rhythmically. Your breathy, wanton moans overshadow both, drawn out whimpers, almost nonsensical other than the syllable of his name. A melody of neediness, you sound so fucking pretty, (depraved, like a whore, you once told him during your little film marathon with a sly smile), and for him specifically.

The frame pans upward and confirms you look just as good. A perfect mess, unhinged by the skilled ministrations of your boyfriend. Passion beads on your forehead like reflections off of a diamond. Panting, your lips are plumped from kissing parted with mewls of pleasure. 

“P - please—I need to—can I - I please—” You’re begging like the sweet little thing you are, incoherent babbling the result of his excessive edging. Of course, you know better than to give into the sensations ravaging you; instead you ignore your visceral desire and ask him for your release. “Peter, please!” 

A deep chuckle vibrates behind the camera as his big hand slides into view, trailing over your jiggling tits to the slope of your throat. “Maybe,” he says breathily and grasps the line of your jaw between his fingers. “Open your mouth first, babe.” 

No more preamble necessary, you follow his direction, your pink tongue flat over your Cupid’s bow. Immediately, a long string of his saliva drips into view and onto your taste buds; the vulgar act is accepted with a swallow and a quivering moan of, “T - thank you.” 

“Good girl,” he praises huskily, and the voiced approval has you visibly shivering. “Alright, then, pretty girl. Make it good for me, and c’mon—”

Before your otherworldly reckoning washes over you and his teammates can watch your bliss immortalized in film, Peter snatches his property back. 

Not much force is necessary as Bucky’s grip has been stunned loose. A dark expression permeates on young hero’s face but not because of embarrassment; if he was still nineteen or eighteen, he would’ve been mortified that his titular superiors caught a depraved glimpse of his sex life, on both his and your behalf. Rather than, there’s just a flit of annoyance when he folds his arms.

“Shit,” Bucky is the first to speak, exhaling the swear raggedly. His blue pupils have widened in obvious attraction, dilated dark, blinking rapidly as if it’ll help calm him down from the clip of you, his innocent seeming girlfriend, all ruined and begging. “Parker, fuck, I - I didn’t know you got down like that.” 

There’s a swell in his chest, pride beating steadily while he remains reticent-faced. He prefers you keep your bedroom activities secluded there. Yeah, he likes to be in control and you like to be controlled but it’s only in a sexual nature. Yet, their reactions—stunned, embarrassed and viscerally affected—surges smug satisfaction he’s never known before through his veins. 

Even the prestigious Captain America is bothered, though he may try to hide it. He clears his throat, a flustered pink coloring his cheeks. “Peter, uh,” he says, barely maintaining the confidence to look him in the eye after witnessing his girlfriend like that. “We - we shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.” 

“Uh-huh,” is Peter’s response, a hint of a smirk curling on one side of his lips. “Why don’t you guys call me after you’re finished with your cold showers, and we can actually train. Until then, I’m gonna go to my girl who’s more than eager to handle mine.” He pauses. “Maybe if you guys ask nice enough, I might let her show you how well I’ve trained her.”