#should I re-evaluate my ideals

[oflgtfol]

also yknow what im kinda iffy about the bathing in living waters thing as a means of redemption (for reasons that belong to their own post, if i ever figure out how to word it), but the fact that there even is redemption offered despite how strict the helmet rule is, is like. well proof actually that it's not very strict

and the fact is that prior to The Purge, the mines would not have been so hard to access. literally if the city is inhabited, if the surface is not glassed, if there is no debris and shit in the way, then it should by all means just be a walk and a skip down some stairs and there you've arrived to the living waters. it all around seems like a very easy method of redemption which just blows the whole "unforgiving cult!!!" thing out of the water because, like, well it seems very forgiving actually

[renthony]

In the aftermath of my big post about censorship, multiple people have left comments that boil down to, "it's okay to show heavy topics in fiction as long as they're portrayed as bad."

Let's take a quick look at an excerpt from the full ext of the Hays Code, shall we?

No picture should lower the moral standards of those who see it. This is done: (a) When evil is made to appear attractive, and good is made to appear unattractive. (b) When the sympathy of the audience is thrown on the side of crime, wrong-doing, evil, sin.The same thing is true of a film that would throw sympathy against goodness, honor, innocence, purity, honesty. note: Sympathy with a person who sins, is not the same as sympathy with the sin or crime of which he is guilty. We may feel sorry for the plight of the murderer or even understand the circumstances which led him to his crime; we may not feel sympathy with the wrong which he has done. The presentation of evil is often essential for art, or fiction, or drama. This in itself is not wrong, provided: (a) That evil is not presented alluringly. Even if later on the evil is condemned or punished, it must not be allowed to appear so attractive that the emotions are drawn to desire or approve so strongly that later they forget the condemnation and remember only the apparent joy of the sin. (b) That thruout the presentation, evil and good are never confused and that evil is always recognized clearly as evil. (c) That in the end the audience feels that evil is wrong and good is right

This is the same Hays Code that supported Nazis. This is the same Hays Code that forced Jewish artists out of Hollywood. This is the same Hays Code that targeted artists of color, queer artists, female artists, any artist who deviated from the white American Catholic ideal. And it was explicitly Catholic, which I explained in further depth here.

The idea that art has to have a clear moral, which lines up with the dominant morals of white American Christianity, is foundational to the Hays Code. If you sound like the Hays Code, you need to re-evaluate.

Censorship and moral codes enforced on art are never used for anything other than oppression. The second you try to dictate what is and isn't allowable in art, you side with people who will enforce those rules on marginalized people with no mercy and no hesitation.

Censorship does not create healthy relationships with media, even the censorship you might be tempted to think of as "good censorship."

(And, as usual, being an independent censorship researcher does very little to pay my bills. Kick me a tip on Ko-Fi or pledge to me on Patreon if you want to support my work! <3)

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Have you ever felt the fanbase itself has become too crowded with people who act like they "know better" then the show?

I've noticed this, specially with artist, that while they claim they're "fixing designs", most either "over-complicate" the designs (Despite them looking good) but they also seem to have a little arrogant over it.

I don't hate redesigns, that's not what I'm saying, but seeing people claim they're "better" or are "fixing" designs while over-complicating a design that's supposed to be "simple".

This is a complex question because fan content that attempts to re-imagine some part of canon has traditionally always been called "fix it" content. The term "fix it" has also always been treated pretty neutrally in fan spaces. Traditionally speaking, saying something is a "fix it fic" just means that the fic is directly addressing canon in a way that other works don't. It's the creator saying, "I want to give you a different take on something that canon did." That take usually exists because the creator doesn't like something in canon, but at the same time, it doesn't necessarily mean that the creator thinks that canon should or even could have done the fix. It just means that they want to share their ideal take on the idea.

Because I come to fandom with that history in mind, I don't see a statement like "fixing Ladybug's design" and interpret that to mean, "This is how the show should have designed her as I've taken into account all of the concerns that one must address in animation." I interpret that to mean, "I wasn't a fan of Ladybug's design, so I did my own take on her," because that is traditionally what "fix it" was shorthand for. It's not a technical evaluation or competitive standing. It's a genre.

This history seems to be ignored in parts of the Miraculous fandom and that completely threw me off when I entered the fandom. It still throws me off! I have no idea what's going on around here!

While many Miraculous fans are using "fix it" in the traditional sense, there also seem to be groups that see "fix it" as some sort of direct letter to the writers/designers showing them what they should have done. To add further complications, one sub group of Miraculous fans is USING "fix it" in that context, which is an issue I will get to in a minute. The other sub group is INTERPRETING the words "fix it" in that context and I can't change that. I can just tell you that this is straight up bizarre to me because what are you supposed to label fix it content if we can't use the words "fix it"? Why are you ignoring decades of fandom history? You are reading way too much into those words!

I don't know if it's because Miraculous skews younger or if it's because of fandom drama that predates my entry to the fandom (I'm a COVID convert, so I didn't get here until after season 3) or if I've just been lucky in the past, but both the reverence and the hatred towards Miraculous canon is highly unusual compared to what I've seen in other fandoms. I'm more used to fanworks having a tone of loving irreverence or mild annoyance where canon is seen as a series of optional writing prompts that you can do with what you will. The reason for that tone has a lot to do with the fact that it's wildly unfair to compare canon to fanon, especially when it comes to visual media.

The fun of fandom spaces is that we can create without the limits that stifle professional productions. It doesn't matter if our stories are marketable or if the designs we come up with fit a theoretical budget or if we only produce a new chapter/drawing once a year. This means that, yes, fan works often have the ability to surpass canon! At the same time, it's rarely fair to make that comparison on a technical/competitive level. I will criticize Miraculous for many things, but here are some of really basic challenges that the show writers face that I - a fanfic writer - never will:

I can use as many sets as I want, the writers are limited to the settings that have been animated

I can make my stories as long or as short as they need to be, the writers have to make the story episodic enough to fit a 20-minute run time while also drawing things out for at least 8 seasons

I can write a story that doesn't have an akuma attack, the show has a very clear rule that every episode needs to contain a fight sequence

I can put the characters in whatever outfit I want, the writers cannot because every outfit needs to be animated

I can take my time plotting out my story from start to finish and even go back and edit things if I feel like it, the writers have hard deadlines and things get set in stone very quickly

The list goes on, but it can be summed up to: as an independent creator, I can do anything I can imagine. I am only limited by my own talent. Meanwhile, the writers of an animated show for kids have to follow very strict guidelines due to things beyond their control such as budget concerns and network rating guidelines. We are not the same. You should not compare us on a technical level.

This is where we circle back to the whole "using fix it as a way to directly criticize canon and show the creators what they should have done" thing. That's not a take that I'm ever going to be comfortable with because fix it content rarely tries to fit the same confines or deal with the same instability that canon is subjected to. If you use fix it like that, then you are taking the concept too far. You're also being quite arrogant.

If I see someone do this, I tend to assume that they're pretty young or that, at the very least, they know absolutely nothing about how TV shows work. What you see on the screen is often not what the creator would have given you under ideal circumstance. Some of the best examples of this come from times when a creator was given pretty ideal conditions only to then have less than ideal conditions when the property was revisited as that highlights that you really can't just blame the writers. The most well known examples that come to mind are Avatar the Last Airbender vs its sequel Korra and Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings vs his Hobbit movies.

For a really in depth discussion of LotR vs The Hobbit, you can go watch Lindsay Ellis' fantastic documentary for free on youtube. For this post, I'll just go into the high level stuff of Avatar vs Korra.

Avatar asked for three seasons and magically got three seasons. Korra was supposed to be a 13-episode miniseries, but was expanded to four seasons after season one was done. The show then had budget cuts that messed with the last season due to poor performance. Shockingly, Avatar was the better show. I wonder why? Just imagine what Korra could have been if it had been given four seasons from the start!

At the very least, I can guarantee you that writers wouldn't have ended all of season one's plot lines in the season one finale, leaving them to start from scratch with season two which is generally considered the worst season. Once again, I wonder why?

Because of all that, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a fix it fic out there that takes all of Korra and reworks it to make everything flow better. I wouldn't even be surprised if I find that fic to be better than canon because the fic was only limited by the writer's talent. On the other hand, the actual show was massively limited by things beyond the writers' control, meaning that it's overall quality issues are less a condemnation of the writers and more a representation that even awesome writers can't perfectly adjust on the fly when networks meddle.

Of course, Korra doesn't have extremely fundamental writing flaws like Miraculous does, but the principle remains the same. I can point out Miraculous' flaws with certainty, but I cannot necessarily fix them with certainty. That's assuming too much.

But there are different types of criticism and different ways of engaging with the source material. What I do on this blog is mostly focused on high level discussion of the show's flaws and spit balling ways to fix them without really committing to anything. I'm not telling you how the show should have been written. I'm just pointing out flaws and talking about the things I think the writers could have changed or accounted for, though it is always possible that I'm wrong and this was caused by something outside of the writing circle.

That's why I rarely mention anyone by name. I cannot point a finger and say "this is the person who ruined Lila's potential and this is why they did it." I can just tell you that Lila was poorly executed when she didn't need to be. I don't want you to send this blog to the writers, but generally speaking, it is the kind of feedback that I'd be comfortable giving them if they hired me as an editor or script doctor. When I act in those roles, I'm much nicer than I am on here because I know that the writer will actually read what I say, but I am just as brutal about pointing out flaws because that's what I signed on to do. I'm not here to stroke your ego, I'm here to work with you and help you improve your story.

When I write fix it fics - and I have several - I am engaging in a very different type of criticism. I'm not discussing specific flaws in canon and telling you how to address them within the limits of the show. Instead, I'm giving you my ideal version of a given concept from the show so that you can hopefully enjoy it and maybe even use to find some catharsis for a thing that you also didn't like. I'll also change things about the show just to keep things interesting or to be highly self indulgent. For example, I avoid umbrella scenes in my stuff even though I think that the canon umbrella scenes are cute and well written. It's because they're so iconic that I do something different! Why revisit them when I have nothing to add? I'd just be copy canon! It's more fun to do something new since there are other ways to have Marinette and Adrien fall in love.

It's a very nuanced type of criticism because it's true that these stories only exists because I'm saying that canon did something wrong and I want to show you how it could have been better. But I'm also not limiting myself to the confines of canon or even just improving canon to make my argument, so it's impossible to compare them on a technical level. That's not why I write fix it fic, though. I have this blog so that I can discuss writing concepts and how to learn from Miraculous' failures. I write fix it fics to have fun and indulge my imagination. For example, I have a fic that's basically my ideal take on Chat Blanc and there's no way that would work in the context of canon. In the context of canon, I'd suggest far more minor changes or even tell them to scrap the episode all together.

Be it fix it content or more high level critical analysis like I do on this blog, it's important to remember that canon isn't going to change. Even if we could sit the writers down and convince them of everything that they did wrong and everything that they should do to fix it, they can't actually enact those changes. The story is already out there and time machines aren't a thing. But that's not what fandom content is about. Blogs like this are for people who enjoy thinking about stories critically and discussing how and why they fail. Good fix it content is all about saying, "I didn't like canon and think it would be better if X happened" or even "I liked canon, but got this idea about how it could be different" and then sharing the idea with other fans. This is because any and all fan content is for the fans (and former fans), not the creators.

So yes, I think it's valid to make fan content that "improves" canon. I even think it's valid to compare it to canon in a casual manner as that's just a natural thing that humans do. Give me two versions of something and I will automatically compare them and probably even pick a favorite. The thing that you need to be careful about, the nuance that you have to keep in mind, is that fandom is a casual space to have fun with other fans and to create whatever our talents will allow us to create. When we use terms like "fix it" or say that we like something better than canon, that context needs to be kept in mind. I will never be concerned by a reader telling me that they liked one of my stories more than they liked canon or that they wish that canon had also included a concept I've played with. That's just a statement of preference. I only get concerned when I get comments about how "the writers should read this so they can learn from you" because I didn't write it to teach them. I wrote it to have fun with my fellow fans and that is true for every bit of fandom content I produce.

I know that was long, but hopefully it answered your question? My main draw to fandom spaces is fix it content, so this is something I'm pretty passionate about. If I think that a piece of media is perfect, then I don't seek out fan content for it. I only join fandoms on those rare occasions when media hits that sweet spot of good enough to grab my attention, but bad enough/lacking something to not fully satisfy me.

[a-d-nox]

*SALE* holiday leftovers: build your own plate

[ status: CLOSED ]

hello, my friends/followers! i am so excited yet sad to announce this sale. firstly, i am excited because i never thought i would ever hold a sale AND WHO DOESN'T LOVE A SALE!!! secondly, i am sad because this is the LAST CHANCE for you to purchase all of the below reading options (unless i see fit after this sale to re-instate any of them as options). i am grateful for everyone who has previously purchased a reading from me and thus helped me to see a trend in the readings everyone enjoys!

a few things:

- please note that with the sale i am likely to have an increased demand.

- the sale will last from today (november 22nd, 2023) until november 29th, 2023. BUT if the demand gets too high i am at my leisure to close/end the sale early.

- you must fill out this google forms. if there are issues with the link please dm me.

- all readings are non-refundable.

reading options ->

drink options (1.50 USD)

apple cider: a tarot reading. you ask a series of 3 yes or no questions (they must all be different questions). you may chose if you want to hear the why or why not.

cranberry juice: a tarot reading used to identify the energy that surrounds you and how can you best protect your energy.

espresso: an archetypal reading. i use the fantod pack, a creepy little deck, to tell you what disturbing image you are. from the waltzing mouse to the burning head to the body bag, this deck keeps you guessing and i can tell you how you can beat the elements of this strange archetype.

pumpkin juice: a tarot reading. a short reading regarding the energy of the day (or surrounding a situation) and what you should look out for.

appetizer options (3.00 USD)

baked brie: a matrix of destiny / wyrd web reading. side hustle potential assessment based on the wyrd web.

cheese ball: an astrology reading. pick three things you wish to know about your mercury return cycle (what your communication style will be like this cycle, what your voice is like, how your thinking changes, your health changes, perspective changes, your writing style or endeavors, social media trends (your online status), short trips you could be taking, your mannerisms and how they change, your mode of transportation / transportation woes, etc.).

cranberry brie jalapeño poppers: an astrology reading. pick three things you wish to know about your mars return cycle (your confidence and lack thereof, sex life, what will make you angry / frustrated / aggressive / competitive, your impulsive behavior, where you are dominant / a leader, the challenge(s) you face, etc).

cranberry-glazed turkey meatballs: using the green glyph's rune deck, i give general advice on any given subject matter.

fried mashed potato bites: a tarot reading. why you struggle in romances. warning: harsh / brutal honesty.

mac and cheese balls: using the green glyph's oracle deck, i give general advice on any given subject matter.

popover: a matrix of destiny / wyrd web reading. a generational number combo assessment based on the wyrd web.

pumpkin hummus: a tarot reading. what is your strength and what is your weakness - great for job applications as well (i don't care if you want to copy and paste it for use in your applications).

sugar roasted nuts: a matrix of destiny / wyrd web reading. a love assessment based on the wyrd web (matrix of destiny). assesses what is stopping you from finding love, what your romantic partners are like (the ideal and toxic versions), and how you can keep love flowing towards you in this lifetime.

sweet potato bites: a tarot reading. vibe check on your mind, body, and spirit as well as advice (if needed). this is NOT a medical assessment and can NOT be used as a diagnosis.

side options (6.00 USD)

mashed potatoes: a tarot reading. seven card draw evaluation of the energy of each day of your week ahead as well as advice to make the week the best and most efficient that it can be.

rolls: a tarot reading. best bet for any topic NOT seen in the list - will address the past, present, and future regarding your question as well as the energies involved.

sweet potato casserole: a tarot reading. stuck between two options? this reading will help you weigh pros and cons as well as tells you the potential outcome of acting towards either option.

main course options (20.00 USD)

turkey: using the green glyph's lenormand deck i give general advice on any given subject matter. this a reading using the maximum amount of cards in a lenormand deck.

glazed ham: a tarot reading. at a crossroad in life with three options and no clue which to go for? this one is for you - lets you know where each leads and gives advice cards as well.

duck confit: a tarot reading. the current vibes of each energy associated with the astrological houses (1h-12h).

[juniperhillpatient]

I have sooo many like so many criticisms of atla la I think it was fun enough but overall mid & didnt do the characters or themes real justice & there’s a few pretty egregious issues but my criticisms do NOT include (& it’s bizarre to me that these are popular criticisms apparently) —

-Azula’s “baby face” (she’s supposed to be 14 & she’s already being played by an adult. ur brain & ur ideals of what women & girls should look like are rotten & u should re-evaluate why this is an issue for u)

-Azula’s moments of insecurity (if she’s gonna be introduced early we’re gonna get more of her pov. do u think her breakdown came out of nowhere & wasn’t a long time coming? the original show isn’t perfect but it’s apparent by the end that azula has been crushed under the pressure of her father’s expectations for a long time & if ur not getting that simple aspect is 100% an audience understanding issue. learn to think about stories.)

-anything Katara’s ACTRESS did. the numerous issues with her characterization were 100% real but also this kid did not write the script she clearly put her entire heart into the role & did super well with what she had. not her fault what she had sucked.

[kalamity-jayne]

heya! baby-ish tgirl here. i've been on E since dec now (current regimen 6mg E sublingual/100mg spiro per day). anyway i have a nasty needle phobia but i also really kinda want to switch to injections and i think i might be stubborn enough to overcome it. what do you think? worth doing?

Well, I'm not an endocrinologist, and this is very much a conversation you should be having with one. With that caveat out of the way though I'd say it depends. First of all, if you're Estrogen levels and testosterone levels are in the ideal ranges and you're feeling good about the results you’ve been seeing thus far, I would say there's no real reason to make that change. If you’re levels are good and your mostly satisfied but just want to get a lil extra juice out of your regimen, you may want to consider just adding in Progesterone.

Many trans women swear by injectable but obviously there's nuances here. The old axiom "your mileage may vary" absolutely applies. The big advantage you have with injectable estrogen is that you bypass the stomach and the liver and thus you don't have to worry as much about how much estrogen is actually available for your body to use or your body's receptors' ability to bind to the estrogen. When I first started I took oral estrogen, but it was really challenging to get my T and E levels in the correct ranges (for context I had incredibly high levels of testosterone before HRT, even by cis male standards). After trying a few different dosages of Estradiol and Spiro (and eventually progesterone as well) and still not getting the levels right, I made the switch to injectable. Once I made the switch it felt like I was cooking with gas. So I very well may have been one of those people who wasn't effectively binding to the estrogen taken orally.

The main disadvantage to injectable estrogen is really just the needles if you’re someone who feels nervous about that. Now with injectable there’s two formats, intramuscular and subcutaneous. Both are equally effective, the only big difference between the two is that intramuscular comes with a slight risk of scarring. Both are pretty easy, and you’ll get the hang of it fairly quickly. As far as avoiding pain and scarification my main advice is: 1. don’t do your injections when you are tired, in a rush, inebriated, or under any other condition that might cause your hand to be less than steady and 2. Be swift with the needle.

Another big difference, that is neither better or worse just different, is that your hormone levels will fluctuate differently. When you take hormones orally, you get your initial E spike and it tapers off over the course of the day, which is why you generally take two doses per day. With injectable you get your initial estrogen spike after injecting, and it slowly tapers off over the course of the week until your next does (this is why it's recommended you get your bloodwork done halfway between doses). So if/when you make the switch, you may experience some mild mood swings (not everyone does though, I only experienced noticeable mode swings during the first 3 months of progesterone) and you may experience a few other signs of hormonal fluctuation such as mild non-inflammatory acne on the sides of your nose (if you experience this talk to your end, you may need the dosage adjusted and definitely re-evaluate your skin-care routine as you may need to start treating the nose with salicylic acid).

Now there are a few other delivery methods to consider, such as the Patch and the Pellet, but I don't know as much about them so I'm not as comfortable speaking on them.

I hope that info is helpful baby-girl! But definitely take all of that with a grain of salt and go talk to an actual endocrinologist!

Love,

🌷Mother Calamity🌷

[paradisewebcomic]

REGARDING THE FUTURE OF PARADISE... 2023 VERSION

I had to clear this blog in order to re-edit the order of early pages. I will be slowly re-uploading the archive, with new lettering and some slight ret-cons, followed by a return to weekly updates.

In the mean time, You can read the entire archive over on GlobalComix where weekly updates will resume on Friday, 1/27/2023. If you like what’s out on GC, you can read further archives on my Patreon (Chapter 8 starts here)

My patrons will continue to get updates as they happen, on Tuesday nights! This means my patrons will always be ahead of the public archive. Currently, there are 70 pages for my patrons only.

I’ll delete this post when the entirety of the archive is up to date on here. Ideally I’d like to update Paradise on both tumblr and GlobalComix on Fridays and update it on Patreon on Tuesdays.

I want to thank everyone who stuck around. For anyone who shared this comic, who read it, who’s been here since the hiatus started in 2018. And I especially wanna thank my patrons, for sticking with Paradise while updates were drip-fed for YEARS, often going months at a time inbetween single pages. I really needed this time, to grow as a person, an artist, a storyteller, and to evaluate what this comic means to me and what it should be going forward. I appreciate your support so much more than you could ever know.

To my new readers, welcome! The comic you’re about to read is something I’ve been drawing since 2015, and it’s quality (in the early chapters especially) reflect that. I hope you enjoy it.

<3

[aemondsbabygirl]

im kinda sad if ewan is gay

ok im putting this under the cut

My dear anon, first of all: no one knows what his orientation is. Secondly: I'm going to say this with nothing but love: you are too invested in a stranger. Ewan Mitchell is a stranger. He doesn't know you, or me, or anyone here. And you do not know him either. I am not saying this to hurt your feelings, I'm saying to help you realize that your feelings are misplaced and unhealthy. I know we blog here as if he's our babygirl because we love him (his acting, his persona...), it's a term of endearment, but it doesn't entitle us to his private life.

It is something to appreciate his art, and have meltdowns on a blog about his looks. But it is something else entirely, to project yourself or your ideas on him. You have imagined a personality for him, an ideal, something that fits your preferences, someone that, maybe, he is not. For example, you should not feel sad because he doesn't like your favourite band.

If you want my advice, you should take a step back from the actor, focus on enjoying his characters and his work. Things like his sexual orientation, his relationship status, his religion, his political views, whatever; should not matter to you or to anyone (unless he says some problematic shit, but that's not the case here).

Again, I know nothing about his orientation, nor do I wish to know. I am happy if he is happy. You should be too, whatever he's attracted to. It would be good to re evaluate your feelings about an actor none of us know personally. I'm giving you a hug and I hope you manage to take some distance and not let trivial things like this make you sad.

[boyfridged]

Do you agree that Jason, as written by Winnick in UTRH and Lost Days, acts out of character post-resurrection if we take into account his post-crisis robin days? If yes, how would you have him act/react to stuff after he comes back from the dead?

tldr: i definitely agree. moreover, classism plays a huge role in it, and i don’t think that at this point the storyline could lose these implications, which makes trying to conceive what an “in character” (for robin jay) version of these events would be quite difficult. 

let’s just start from saying that i don't think it's a secret that i don't really like winick in general. despite his work being mad interesting on a conceptual level (and style-wise, genuinely well written!), he has no love for the characters he writes about. 

imo utrh shouldn't even ever make it into the mainstream batman timeline. i am aware that this is a radical opinion, but my take is that it would do best as an elseworld story (and in this version too it would need some tweaks here and there), because it made damage both to the mythos of batman and jason's legacy that can never be undone. the very premise of the story is so deeply disconnected from jay's original place in the narrative, and so classist at its roots, that there's not much room to truly fix it. 

(i want to say, preemptively, that i am aware that there are people who read utrh as a story of a revolutionary and a victim – and they have the right to do so, but ngl, my view has always been that it was never written as that. utrh reinforces so many stereotypes that it overshadows the revenge tragedy spirit of it all.) 

another disclaimer is that, to be honest, jay doesn't have a very consistent characterization even in his 80s run, and it also has some classist implications that ideally should be either erased or addressed in the text (that winick instead exaggerated and put at the very front of his storytelling.) starlin's writing is, at the end of the day and very much ironically, more sympathetic and gentler in evaluating jay (simply because at the time he would not get away with changes too blatant) but details such as jay saying that "all life is game" and his random nonchalant behaviour that has its origin in the very beginning of starlin’s run are already signs of it. some readers will trace jason's arrogance prevalent in his red hood era to these issues and say that his actions post-res are therefore a logical extension of his robin days, but i don't buy it. even if you want to lean into starlin-esque characterisation, if you consider the core problem of the garzonas plotline – which is power, jay shouldn’t look into the solution of anything in climbing to the top. and if he did, it would have to be written as a “becoming what you feared/hated most” kind of story, which i can see a certain appeal in (and which would at least acknowledge that it was not his initial personality), but which would go back to its classist assumption of cycles of violence and doomed fates.

so – how to make his post-res era more accurate to his post-crisis robin days (and least classist in the process)?

if we were to follow my fav iterations of his characterisation (barr’s detective comics and the ntt appearances) tbh I don’t think a lot would happen, because his personality is quite mild, and just so hopeful there that i wouldn’t expect any extreme actions from him – but then again, the circumstances that he finds himself in post-res, the trauma, and his sensitivity do warrant grief that should become a driving force in his life from now on. the question is, what to do with this grief as a plot device?

i know that plenty of jason fans hate this take but I actually think the concept of jason trying to be detached and cruel but being bad at it might be one of the least offensive to his 80s characterisation. it’s def not accurate to pre-52 canon (apart from countdown perhaps) but imo for jay to be authentic and nuanced he should be conflicted about his own actions. his overconfident behaviour should be a pose – just as his frantic acts in his origin story as robin were. (again, something that many readers don't take notice of – but reading the rest of collins' writing wherein jay quickly settles into being easy-going and even a bit shy is proof of it.)

these two points lead to the “no good deed” narrative that I often talk about - the reading that jason saw his intuitive and self-sacrificial kind tendencies as something that brought him pain and that never was quite efficient, and that post-res he intentionally tried training himself out of. there are some flashes of it here and there throughout the years of the red hood publishing history, but it never got a true spotlight. and if i were to write lost days, jason flinching at his own violence would be a focal point of the story. 

moving on to utrh; i have spoken about it at length before but I think if he were written 1. with more political sensitivity 2. to have retained the same maturity re: the social order 3. to have the same idea of morality, he should have followed more of actual revolutionary tracks and the whole “drug lord” authoritarian figure schtick along with the idiotic idea of “controlling crime” would have to be thrown out of the window. 

and, later on, forgiveness should play a big role in his story. he's so quick to forgive and justify everyone in his robin run – this is also why i reckon his team up with harvey in tfz was a wasted opportunity.

so, in conclusion – perhaps not that much would have to change re: his actions but definitely a lot should change regarding his emotional journey and his position. i would def throw out a lot of mindless violence and power posturing out of it though. and perhaps make him a bit more polite just for the sake of more consistency (this is not me taking a moral stance btw nor tone policing a fictional character. i just think it would be more faithful to his 80s writing unless you want to make him explicitly scared. and it would be funnier tbh.)

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

“You did not live in a house of horrors. I was raised to believe in hellfire; now that was bad!” Okay and impending global genocide of any culture that disagrees with your beliefs isn’t? Being raised mentally preparing to withstand torture at the hands of police in a “do it to Julia” situation isn’t? Being socially isolated from your peers on the grounds that they’re evil uneducated dumb worldly heathens controlled by Satan isn’t a bad thing? No. Those are all good things which every child should be taught in order to experience “the real life.”

The legitimate truth is that we are all in “the real life” right now and in “the real life,” the Governing Body is doing the very best they can to cover up the fact that they’re a cult by relaxing the cult’s rules in a futile attempt to prevent the prosecution in the numerous ONGOING child sexual abuse cases from handing their non-tight-pants-wearing asses to them. And the other legitimate truth is discovering this fact to be the legitimate truth while having to navigate a sea of lies and high school is extremely traumatizing, especially when you feel the need to take a hard stance against the cult to prevent others’ children — children like you — from befalling the same fate by dressing up as some miserable wretch who cooked and ate children, hoping the way you look and carry yourself and stare into the parents’ eyes will scare them away. And even more traumatizing is that your tactics worked; proving that you are just as bad and scary as your preexisting OCD made you out to be. Yes I did it to myself; but consider the reason why I felt so compelled to sacrifice the entirety of my mental health to sabotage you with what little tools I had. I wouldn’t have done it had I not had a very good reason, and my very good reason was that I was a child who loved children. You were trying to protect me and it was a sacrifice; but I was also trying to protect children. My endeavor is not — and was never — a selfish one. It is not that I don’t care about you; I only prioritize the class which is most oppressed, and you are not a part of it because you are adults. Your feelings, unfortunately, are expendable in my mission to end religious child labor. I will not support your corrupt religion to make you happy when I know what it’s done to others and to myself; it is wrong, and you are wrong for supporting it. I, as a paraprofessional, refuse to support a religion which hides the sexual abuse of children for its own gain. By law I am now a mandatory reporter; I must report child abuse when I see it under penalty of law. Therefore it stands to reason that I must report your cult from the top of every mountain for the entire inhabited earth to hear so they may not even take so much as one step in your direction. I am sorry if I seem like I hate you; if the fact that I reject your ideals of theological expectational fascism disturbs you so much, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your choices.

“Your actions affect others.” I know my actions affect others; I know how they affect others as well. You’re crushed and demoralized and suffering physically from all the emotional stress; I’ve likely dug you both early graves. I know what I’ve done and I can live with it — Not easily — but I am not defeated because I know I’m in the right, and have always been in the right. No. The real question is: Do you know how your actions are affecting others? In exquisite detail? Have you listened to the victims? Have you allowed yourself to hear both sides of the story with your human ears, not ones made of tin and thought-blocking strategies and “I had it worse than you” excuses? No? Then you’d better start because the key to healing yourself is to aid in the healing of others. We are all connected as one body; and I refuse to be a cancer cell. Sorry I’m aiding in your downfall but it’s got to happen at some point.

[mejomonster]

I will drop a ton of Red White and Royal Blue book quotes later but. For now? I am just. So floored by how good the romance is written. Once you read honestly genuine good depictions of love? Where the demonstrations of healthy love, love between flawed realistic people where thing work out because they're doing their best to communicate and help each other and understand each other and be vulnerable and accepting? Fuck. My standards for reading other romances are so HIGH now.

I just read a chapter idk around page 230. Where Alex doubts he's good. And the whole thing is Henry understanding his mess of words and being able to respond in acceptance and comfort, with the words "you are good."

Fuck. I've had dreams where the most romantic thing I ever heard? Was that. You are good. You are good. Fuck me. This is so perfectly written as far as genuine loving depictions go I'm just so beyond coping right now.

My standards are just. Going to be SO picky after this. Even writing my own story, I'm fucking re-evaluating now! I'm like oh damn what do I want to do to contrast some relationships with others that are more truly demonstrating love? Wow.

(Also unrelated, but I love the decision to put significant politics into the book. I don't know the authors background or if they intended to give Alex his own separate sort of opinions and struggles that the actual author wouldn't relate to as much. But I find the discussions regarding idealism versus realism in political decisions, campaigning for northern votes versus southern, experience of latino Americans versus northeastern WASP, the way stuff like grassroots campaigning and independent candidates are viewed depending on the person contemplating them, the way college education and nepotism bleeds into people's political assumptions, there's just a Lot of honestly very Real stuff about political arguments within the US. In the American democratic party I've seen so many of these debates and discussions on what's right or better or what to do or when we should argue, and Alex's whole bit about southern democrats being forgotten and not campaigned to and helped really hit, along with his mention at the end that "You don't get to pretend it's someone else's problem, none of us do" it's true. Regardless of the internal debates, it's not someone else's problem it's all of ours, it's all of our lives, our country. For a lot of obvious reasons the movie just could not delve into political aspects nearly as much as the book, and I'm really impressed with the books decision to make as much commentary on it as it does. I've never seen it done before in a romance story. I've never seen it done before in a Not West Wing story frankly, but that could be my fault for not seeking out political modern fiction? Also the minor thread of older generations like his parents and Luna versus Alex and idealism, that's been a huge conversation as long as I've been alive and probably an eternal political discussion.)

[lemonhemlock]

Someone tt made like 3 videos on gayle bashing her looks and tagged literally every single hbo account maybe its damn well time to put the phone down

"Im sure shes a good actress" then proceeds to bash gayle looks 💀

are you referring to kerusso? i mostly scroll past her videos when they show up in my feed

no offence but her takes are too basic for me and i just don't have the patience 💤

i have the feeling a lot of people were expecting alys to be this drop dead gorgeous conventionally attractive gothic beauty, because they want aemond to pull westeros' next top model. there's a reason katie mcgrath was such a popular fancast as she is absolutely stunning in a classical way that appeals to mostly everybody.

because in their eyes, the only reason aemond would become enthralled by her is if she's aphrodite born again. but there's no proper textual indication that was the case, just that she "looked younger" (which again, can mean a lot of things). daemon & criston don't pay her any mind and there's no mention she was the resident seductress of harrenhal. so that leaves open the possibility that there's more to alys' & aemond's relationship than just her bewitching him with her otherwordly beauty

i saw an edit of gayle circling around where she had long dark hair & i thought she looked appropriately witchy and alluring, even though she is not my ideal alys, for reasons i've already stated. perhaps people should wait to see her in costume at least before they cast judgment on whether or not she looks "pretty" enough for their favourite kinslayer. OR perhaps people should re-evaluate how much fanon exactly they have created around this character that they now take for facts. needless to say that attractiveness is not just based on physical traits - personality, charisma, mannerisms, wit, all play a great deal in what we deem as attractive

and, you know, alys doesn't have to appeal to the aemondwives, she just has to appeal to aemond

[2000spopcultureobsesed]

WHY BRITNEY, WHY THE EARLY 2000S, WHY EVERYTHING?!?!

Personal interest narration

Do you ever pay much attention to the tabloids on the racks at the grocery store line? Or the stacks of magazines at the hair salon? How do they make you feel? Disgusted? Intrigued? Although tabloids are becoming a relic of the past, it doesn't mean they aren't dead. The majority now thrive in the click-grabbing universe of the internet. My first memory of a tabloid was while practising reading at the age of 6-7. I read the magazine covers in the grocery aisle while waiting with my parents. Although I must admit I did not understand what it all meant, some specific words and images stuck with me, particularly the images of Britney Spears during her 2007 mental breakdown and the constant nitpicking of the weight of Jessica Simpson and many other women.

A little bit of background

The media's treatment of women in the early 2000s was often characterised by a complex blend of progress and setbacks. While there were certainly positive shifts towards greater representation of women, there were also concerning instances of objectification, stereotyping, and undue scrutiny. The media was obsessed with dumbing women down and reducing them to their appearance. As a child, I remember Bimbo culture was all the rage, it was from one extreme to another, you were either a tom boy, or hyper feminine. Female celebrities, in particular, were frequently put into these dehumanizing stereotypes. Not only was appearance an obsession of the media, but also the personal lives of women in the spotlight. It seems that tabloid culture thrives on sensationalism and invading the personal space of celebrities.

Personally...

The recent news about Britney Spears has made me re-evaluate my perceptions of myself and other women. Much of my subconscious is still ingrained with the sexist and dehumanising narratives of women from the media. Therefore, I am interested in how we as a society can rewrite the narrative by looking back at our past mistakes. Although we have come a long way, the media is still subtly sprinkling in misogynistic and stereotypical ideals of how women should act, look and feel. Therefore, we should all take an interest in how the media can subtly manipulate us and re-evaluate what information we indulge in.

[phlve]

The Extraverted Thinking Type // Inferior Introverted Feeling

This type is to be found among organisers, people in high office and government positions, in business, in law and among scientists. They can compile useful encyclopedias. They dig up all the dust in old libraries and do away with the inhibiting factors in science which are caused by clumsiness or laziness or a lack of clarity in language. The extraverted thinking type establishes order by taking a definite stand and saying: "If we say so-and-so, we mean so--and-so." They put clarifying order into the outer situation. At a business meeting, such a man will say that one should get at the basic facts and then see how to proceed. A lawyer who has to listen to all the chaotic reports of contending parties is able, with his superior thinking function, to see which are the real conflicts and which the pseudo-contentions, and then to arrange a solution satisfactory to all parties. The emphasis will always be upon the object, not on the idea. Such a lawyer will not fight for the idea of democracy or domestic peace; his whole mind will be absorbed with and swallowed up by the outer objective situation. If one were to ask him about his subjective attitude or ideas on a certain subject, he would be at a loss, for he is not concerned with that area of life and would be completely unconscious of any personal motive. Generally, if you search for the unconscious motivations, they will consist in a childlike naive belief in peace, charity and justice. If pressed into saying what he understood by "justice," he would be quite bewildered and probably throw you out of his office because he was "too busy." The subjective element remains in the background of his personality. The premises of his high ideals remain within the realm of his inferior feeling func-tion. He will have a mystical feeling attachment to his ideals, but one would have to drive him into a corner to find out about them. Feeling attachments to certain ideals or to people are present, but they never appear in daytime activities. Such a man might spend his whole life settling problems, re-organ-ising firms, and stating things clearly; only at the end of his life would he start to ask himself mournfully what he had really lived for. At such a moment he would fall into his inferior function.

I once talked to a man of this type who was terribly over-worked and needed a long holiday. He gave me a lot of good advice, saying I should go on a holiday, and when I asked him why he didn't, he replied: " My God, I should be alone too much and get much too melancholy!" In solitude, such a person will ask himself whether his work is really important. He will remember how he had saved someone from being robbed and so on, but has he improved the world? Such feelings would have come up in this gentle-man, and he would have felt like falling into an abyss. He would have had to recheck his whole evaluation of things. Naturally, therefore, he avoided taking any holidays - until he fell and broke his hip and had to stay in bed six months. That is how nature imposes the inferior function on such peo-ple!

The extraverted thinking type has, as I said already, a kind of mystical feeling attachment for ideals and often also for people. But this deep, strong, warm feeling hardly ever comes out. I remember an extraverted thinking type who, when he once came out with his feeling for his wife, really moved me. But when I talked to his wife it was deplorable to see how little she knew of it, because, as a mad extravert, he would spend the whole day in his profession, milling around in life, and those deep feelings were never ex-pressed. If his wife had been dying of consumption he would not have noticed it until he was at the funeral. And she did not realise the depth of his feeling for her and that, in a deep sense, he was loyal and faithful to her; that was hidden and not expressed in his life. It remained introverted and did not move towards the object. It took quite a few sessions to get a better understanding in the marriage and to make the wife realise that her husband really loved her. He was so terribly occupied with the outer world and his feeling was so hidden and unexpressed in his life, that his wife did not realise what a tremendous hidden role these feelings played within him.

Introverted feeling, even if it is the main function, is very difficult to understand. A very good example of it is the Austrian poet, Rainer Maria Rilke. He once wrote: " Ich liebe dich, was geht's dich an? " (" I love you, but it's none of your business!") That is love for love's sake! Feeling is very strong, but it does not flow towards the object. It is rather like being in a state of love with oneself. Naturally, this kind of feeling is very much misunderstood, and such people are considered very cold. But they are not at all; the feeling is all within them. On the other hand, they have a very strong hidden influence on the surrounding society, for they have secret ways of establishing values. For example, such a feeling type may never express his feeling but simply behave as though he thought one thing was valuable and another not: this exerts a certain impact on other people. When the feeling is inferior. it is even more hidden and more absolute. The lawyer 1 described had his idea of justice, and this would have very suggestive effects on other people: that is, his hidden feeling for justice would unconsciously influence other people in the same direction without his ever noticing it. It would really dictate not only his own fate but that of others, though invisibly.

The hidden, introverted feeling of the extraverted thinking type establishes strong invisible loyalties. Such people are among the most faithful of all friends, even though they may only write at Christmas. They are absolutely Faithful in their feeling. but one has to move towards it to get to know of its existence.

Outwardly, the extraverted thinking type does not give the impression of having strong feeling. In a politician, the inferior feeling function might unconsciously manifest itself in a deep-rooted and steadfast loyalty to his coun try. But it might also induce him to drop an atom bomb or commit some other destructive act. Unconscious and undeveloped feeling is barbaric and absolute, and therefore sometimes hidden destructive fanaticism suddenly bursts out of the extraverted thinking type. These people are incapable of seeing that, from a feeling standard, other people might have another value. for they do not question the inner values which they defend. Where they definitely feel that something is right, they are incapable of showing their feeling standpoint. but they never doubt their own inner values.

These hidden introverted feelings of the extraverted thinking type are sometimes very childish. After the death of such people, one sometimes finds notebooks in which childish poems have been written to a far-away woman whom they never met in their lives, and in which a lot of sentimental, mystical feeling is poured out. They often ask to have these poems destroyed after death. The feeling is hidden; it is, in a way, the most valuable possession they have, but all the same it is sometimes strikingly infantile. Sometimes the feeling remains entirely with the mother and never comes out of the childhood realm: one may then find touching documents about the attachment to her.

Another way in which infantile feeling can manifest itself in extraverted thinking types is instanced in the case of Voltaire, the French philosopher. He, as you know, fought the Catholic Church with all his might. He was the author of the famous slogan: Ecrase= l'infäme. He was an intellectual and a typical representative of the age of enlightenment. On his deathbed, how-ever, he got jittery, asked for extreme unction and took it with a great up-welling of pious feeling. There he showed, at the end of his life, that he was completely split: his mind had left an original religious experience, but his feeling had stayed there. When it came to death - which one has to meet as a whole person - his feeling came up and overwhelmed him in a completely undifferentiated way. All sudden conversions have this quality: they are due to the sudden eruption of the inferior function.

Source: Von Franz on the Four Irrational Types

[conceptsformyowner]

⏪ Going back to our D/s - Rules, chastity, and eye patches

PTJ# 25

Hello again. It’s been three weeks since the previous journal, things have been hard. Luckily the fact you’re reading this means things aren’t as hard anymore! My Owner and I had a lot of things to do, and we had a few moment where we feared ending our dynamic (among other looming things), but a few days ago we had an overdo dynamic-checking sit-down and we set our return to our rule book that was starting to fill up with cobwebs and dust right back on track.

We sat down and made a big list of all our rules. Then we went one by one and evaluated what we were going to do with them.

“Heel Training” (link) and “Concepts” (where I write a minimum-three-paragraphs concept every tuesday and thursday) are going to be paused for now. We’d never really started the heel training outside of Locktober, and the concepts started making my Owner feel inadequate, so I won’t be writing them anymore. Instead, I might start uploading drawings and/or renders/animations. I’ve already got one I need to finish that I’m really proud of. They allow me to still inspire my Owner without writing a Big Intimidating Detailed Book Of Law just for a single kinky idea.

We’ve been able to successfully hold up quite a few rules, and we’re keeping them as they are:

“No self-release” where if someone places a restraint on my body, I can’t remove it without permission

“Walked outside” where if I’m outside and with my Owner I can’t walk around without being led by hand by them

“Orgasm control and Points System” (link)

“Outings” where I have a limit on my social outings per week and have to always guarantee having returned home at a certain time

“Sleeping” where I can only sleep at my Owner’s home and am fully immobilized with earbuds playing degrading audio every night for sleeping

“Showers” where I must take one shower every day only using cold water, and am forbidden from using hot water

a few others that we didn’t even have to consider them because they’ve become so common and easy for us to do

Then there’s some that we haven’t been doing but can easily re-start them now:

“Toy Food and Food Dice” (link)

“Tether and Restraints” where I should, ideally, always have my neck chained to furniture or a fixed point, and have either my ankles or my wrists cuffs linked together. Typically applies to when I’m at home, but whenever possible can apply anywhere else private.

“Face eating” where I must always eat with directly with my face. This one we have been half-applying it, because even though I don’t remember the last time I used utensils at home, I have been using my hands to grab the plate pretty much every day, which is not ideal.

“No furniture” where I can’t ever sit or lie on human furniture without explicit permission. When in public and/or outside, I must ideally also ask for permission if the situation allows.

“Journal” where I have to write this! a Journal every week!

And finally there were the ones that we need to slowly transition back to:

“Pain Training” where every night my Owner gives me an impact session to train me to enjoy pain for them. We’ll start being more vocal about wanting to do it, since we both feel bad to say it because we’re afraid the other one doesn’t have the energy for it 😅

“Arriving home” where I must take off my clothes, and kneel every time I arrive home. I must then simply wait kneeling by my Owner’s side until they restrain me.

“Lone toy” where every time my Owner’s out and I’ve finished my due tasks, I must either be chained up and standing, simply waiting quietly for my Owner to come back, or go to My Room, which is a small space in my Owner’s closet. We intend to empty that space as much as possible so it’s easy to just store me whenever they want without a hassle.

“Deep-throat Training” will be simplified to once a day instead of twice, to make it a lot easier on me

It’s been a few days since we settled on all of this, and already we’re returning to the food dice, the tether and restraints, the no furniture, and the pain training.

Coming back to our dynamic has made me so, so happy. The first time my Owner used me again after like…a month? felt like such a huge relief. We now feel a lot more connected, like we have regained a much stronger bond and gotten back to a happy place that we had forgotten that exists with our dynamic. It’s amazing. I love it so much.

Anyways, getting back to the regular journal, here’s this ~week’s daily.

🌄 Daily

Friday 🤝💢

On Friday, my Owner suddenly grabbed me, kissed me, pushed me against a wall and kept kissing me. They pulled me away from it and pushed me back, this time forcing their hand between my legs, getting me to the edge in seconds. I’ve now been in chastity for all October, November, and already most of December, so they have to be really careful not to take me over the edge accidentally, and so must I.

I love it when they grab me. I have realized over this year that firm touch is very important to me. It’s not that soft touch feels bad, although it certainly can, but rather that it being firm brings me a lot of peace and relaxes me, and makes me feel a lot of affection. I think it’s part of why I’m a bottom and why I like bondage. It’s why whenever they grab my face, my neck, my leg, my arm, my waist, it makes me feel so so nice, as it does when they then move whatever part of their toy’s body they’re grabbing wherever they want it.

Two (or three?) times already they have used me and then offered to take all my points away and give me an orgasm (although giving it like this). But both times I’ve refused and earned 5 extra points in return. It feels wrong to choose to orgasm, to lose all my good toy points. I want to be a good toy, and so I refuse and extend my chastity on my own at least until the next time they orgasm and then offer me this same deal. I’m trying to chose to be kept in chastity, and it’s easier now because they’ve told me they themselves also want to give me release soon, in some devious way they have planned, I’m sure. So declining isn’t that difficult, because I know there is an end in sight that involves me not having chosen it but rather my Owner ordering me to accept it. I can’t wait, I’m very very scared, which makes me very very very excited. I missed feeling like this. It makes me so happy.

Sunday 🗜️👅 👐📿🔒

On Sunday, shortly after I showered I mentioned to my Owner that I suddenly pictured something while we were lying on the couch. I pictured them tying my wrists to one end, my ankles to the other, and then putting a clothespin on my tongue before stepping away and continuing to work on their things. No more than two minutes later, my Owner came back with my chain, collar, a lock, and a clothespin.

I had taken off my collar and my tether-chain to shower, as per their command, so I expected to see them come back with those…but not the clothespin.

They threaded my short collar-chain through my wristcuffs and then around my neck, locking the loop closed shut with a padlock at the back of my neck. This forced my elbows to be bent and my hands to be kept by my neck. They then attached the tether to my neck and chained me up to the foot of the sofa. They held the clothespin in front of my face and said ‘Out’. With my tongue out, they finished up by closing the clothespin on it, very painfully on the tip.

This wasn’t a regular clothespin, it was the yellow one, the strongest, most painful one.

‘Don’t drool on the pillows and you can stay on the sofa’ they said before leaving me there and heading over to the kitchen.

It was incredible.

Threading my collar through the loops of my cuffs before re-closing it with the padlock felt…oof…very very menacing. My collar only comes off at MOST like once every couple of weeks, just for cleaning, but other than that that padlock is never unlocked. Which made me process it like my wrists were going to be there for a very, very long time. Of course I knew it wasn’t the case, I needed to do things and help out around the house, but knowing that didn’t stop it from feeling very menacing and permanent. I loved it.

I stayed there, facing up as to not drool on the pillows, feeling the pain on my tongue and letting my mind simply leave. I started very lucidly thinking about possible mechanisms we could make to make the closet door close-able from the outside without needing to make holes in anything (since we don’t own the place). When they returned and laid down next to me I came back and realized how far away I’d gone. It felt amazing to be there for them, just waiting, with nothing to do but be their stored toy. Forced to not do anything, the best kind of bondage.

It really hurt when they took off the clothespin, but no damage was done. We cuddled and then they released my hands before we went and finished dinner. It was amazing.

Monday 👁️👁️🩹🩹

On Monday, we didn’t get much sleep. They usually take naps while hugging me, but since we’re on human furniture I’m not allowed to also fall asleep with them. I like it a lot, because even if I’m tired and want to also take a nap, that just adds degradation to it which is always nice.

About an hour later, a few minutes after my Owner awoke again, they saw how exhausted I saw and left for a moment. I saw them come back with a box of medical eye patches. Carefully, they applied one and first the other, completely covering both my eyes. I was of course not allowed to take them off. They told me I was now allowed to sleep on the sofa, since I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before.

It was super nice. I could open my eyes but only to see brightness behind the eye patches, with no detail behind it. Keeping them closed was more comfortable, though, so it didn’t take long for me to fall asleep.

When I woke up, it had been four hours. I needed that sleep so bad, and my Owner really liked taking away my eyes and having me there while they worked. I told them I’d woken up and they still kept me like that for a while before removing the eye patches. They also used that time to work on my christmas gift, so they kept the eye patches on some extra time to prevent me from accidentally seeing what it was. I love it.

My Owner knows a lot about FX make up, so we want to try for them to make me eye-less and mouth-less. Not only for aesthetic but also because, well, sensory deprivation is hot. Just an identity-less toy. I love that. Just an object. Also, kind of creepy, which can be fun. I totally imagine doing that for some event, but I have no idea how feasible that is haha.

🌇 Final Thoughts

I’m really happy to have gotten back to all of this. I hope to be able to post some nice drawings/renders here soon. In the meantime, I’ll still be writing these journals whenever possible.

See you next time.

[uwusillygirl]

i truly loved reading your thoughts about this. it would be so fun if maybe you could occasionally post recs of your favorite books/movies/shows and maybe briefly share opinions on them? only if that would be fun for you of course! i'm just saying i, and i'm positive many of your readers/followers, would be delighted to see them!

you are absolutely right regarding NP featuring a parade of horrifying clueless men masquerading as doms where all of marianne's masochistic tendencies seem to get repeatedly exploited without the scenes being "resolved" in any meaningful or helpful way. & instead of an ideal result of her feeling somewhat better and at peace, they leave her the same raw bleeding wound of a girl. and your take on connell needing to prove to himself he's good and good TO marianne when in reality many times he has been anything but... really brilliant. i don't think i've ever thought of it that way, as lost as i was in my harrumphing about what i took as rooney's repeated portrayal of slow vanilla sex being equated to true quasi-soulmate-bond love and affection. though i am first to admit i am a very sensitive girl who will immediately take things to heart if i see myself in a piece of fiction, and sometimes miss the bigger literary analysis picture. i'm so glad i sent an ask! also lol @ paul and daisy definitely sacrificing some canon information to say get behind me BDSM baddies of all types we got y'all. (also idk if you've seen/heard but paul mescal is in a film called "aftersun" that i believe is playing in select theaters right now which from my understanding is a very dreamy and melancholy potentially-hysterical-tear-inducing two hours of him being a young girl dad. i have not seen it yet because i think it might actually break my brain in a very dangerous way that i am not equipped for atm, and i am already pre-mourning my sanity and emotional stability for when i finally bite the bullet)

also as someone who has full on sobbed to your beautiful cathartic words many times over, i am grateful to you for exploring freaky mentally unstable girls who maybe should re-evaluate their relationship to sex but also maybe shouldn't because sometimes it's ok to be insane and slutty if you have a partner to support you through it! if drugs can't fix you maybe having 15 orgasms in a row can! even though i think i am different from your chrissy in many ways, i have never felt so validated by a character and never felt so hopeful and fulfilled seeing her clawing her way to happiness. sometimes it feels like you've taken stuff from the darkest stickiest ugliest parts of my brain and put it on paper and i'm like ok well now i've got to have a three week crisis to deal with this now, except it usually ends in some necessary acceptance and potential healing and always at least a temporary period of bright hope for the future (which is so difficult to come by some days). so thank YOU!

i loved reading what you had to say, as well! thank you so much for sharing (u actually got my brain all crazy and now i'm writing a little something that'll hopefully be up tonight lmao)! i would be SO happy to share recs (including ones tailored to specific interests!) if that's something people would like! anyone can lmk! i watch and read a shit ton for my work, actually, so i'm always so happy to share thoughts. it'll give my loved ones a break from my random excitable rants, too.

going a little out of order here, but i have found that the day i let go of trying to understand, rid of, or narrativize my sexuality, gender expression, and sexual interests and just say "whether it came from some event or is inherent or is a choice, it just is what it is, and that's okay" it paradoxically became way less of an issue for me, and way easier to express what i like and want just for the sake of it. in my opinion, there's only so much exploring we can do before it becomes a sort of ouroboros of "i'm trying to work stuff out for me" turning into "i'm trying to be sexually palatable in a new way".

"get behind me bdsm baddies" is so fucking funny. i have actually seen aftersun and was one of the original hysterical criers over it. i can confirm it is a life ruiner, and yet i'm going in for a rewatch on sunday. best movie of the year in my opinion!

i am so flattered that first one's free has moved you! it's more than okay to be insane and slutty! i don't know you, but can pretty confidently say that your darkest stickiest ugliest parts of your brain are not that bad if my chrissy expresses them - she may think she's a mess but i think she (and anyone who resonates with her) is doing just great and is a good person deserving of good things <3 if i didn't believe that then i'd also be so fucked lmao.

hope the near future brings you those good things! glad to hear you're finding spaces to feel hopeful.

please send an ask whenever, i'm so glad you reached out!