#shut up rimey

[paler-than-thou]

rimewasted-icequeen >> pale-alchemist

same shitpoistin

same aesthetic

different url

[sylphidine]

[ROTG] Fleecy Shining Gleaming Streaming/Gimme A Mare With Hair, Chapter 1

Summary:

On the brink of despair, Jack Frost follows a shadow and finds a herd of new friends. Pitch Black is intrigued, Sandy is worried, the other Guardians are befuddled, and The Man In The Moon is keeping his own counsel... for the moment.

Originally published as my ROTG Secret Santa 2018 gift for @ksclaw 

____________________________

The light shrank away and the dusk grew stronger in its wake; it was an evening in late January in a tiny farming community in upstate New York.  Jack Frost had blanketed the ground and filigreed the fir trees with, he had to admit, one of his finest snowstorms in recent memory.  The fields, fallow now, slept under his artistry, and dreamed of cultivation in the spring.

He should have been happy.  

He knew all too well why he was not, as he watched the humans emerge from the long barn, swathed in their heaviest winter garments, and hurry back towards the warm and welcoming farmhouse.

Warm and welcoming to everyone, that is, except to a spirit they did not believe in and could not see.  

They have each other, Jack mused as he perched in a fir tree, and I have a job that seems more and more pointless by the year.  He looked up at the barely visible sliver of moon and debated shaking his fist at it, physically as well as metaphorically.  In the end, he sighed and decided it was not worth the effort. He passed his staff restlessly from hand to hand and floated like featherdown to the crisp and rimey snow-covered ground.  Not a whisper of a crunch nor a single footprint showed his progress as he walked dejectedly to the barn and went inside.

There were ten dairy cows, each in their stalls, and a herd of thirty or so sheep in two large indoor pens off to the side.

There were no horses.

There should have been horses, in his opinion, although some niggling itch at the back of his mind asked him “Why?  YOU never had any.”

That same niggling itch nagged at him when he flopped down in the middle of one of the sheep pens as though he belonged there.  They were Suffolks, with long black faces and dainty black legs emerging from their puffy light-coloured fleeces.  Grunting and snorting sounds greeted him as they rustled in their bed of straw.  In Jack’s current frame of mind, it seemed that the sheep were choosing to move away from him just as much as they were moving closer together to conserve heat.

“Great.  Just great. Ab-so-lutely spiffy.  Now I don’t even rate respect from SHEEP,” he muttered.  The nearest ewe waggled her head and curled her lip at him, at which he gave a bitter chuckle.  “Well, at least you see me.  Don’t think I don’t know that you’ll run right through me given half a chance.” 

Jack had intended to catch a nap before zooming off to Minsk to check on another cyclone system that was building towards a grand blizzard there, but his thoughts were starting to border on melancholy, and the only way his body and mind knew how to handle that was to spring into action.

He was halfway across the continent when he realized he hadn’t closed the barn doors.  He wrestled with his conscience for all of ten seconds before reversing in midair and speeding back to the farm.  

As he cruised in for a landing and started to tug the doors shut, Jack saw an odd shadow out of the corner of his eye, zipping past him at an impossible speed into the barn.  Before his brain registered  the notion that this might not be the brightest idea he’d ever had, he followed the creature making the shadow inside.

Jack’s excellent night vision adjusted quickly to the difference between the darkness outside the barn and the darkness within it.  The first thing he noticed was that the sheep were bunched together in an even tighter formation than before, their backs literally to the wall of their pen, clearly agitated by the murky intruder.The second thing he noticed was that its shape was familiar somehow, even when turned away from him...

IT WAS A HORSE.  

A horse with a jaw more graceful and legs longer and more dainty than ever a Suffolk sheep had sported.  A horse whose mane and tail each furled out like skeins of ribbon far beyond the length of its body.  A horse whose coat seemed dipped in the blackest darkness, but which also shimmered with deep hues of purple and blue as its form rippled.

It had to be a spirit.  No creature that… beautiful… could possibly be an ordinary, earthbound animal.  The mysterious creature not only had a shadow of its own, but seemed to be MADE of shadows, or some dark fluid that undulated within a specific outline.

No, not it… she.  The horse was definitely a she, Jack thought, a mare.  A mare made of darkness, terrorizing sheep by night…

A Nightmare.

He was so delighted by his own pun that he burst into laughter and did a somersault into the air.  This startled the horse into wheeling around to face him.  Huge golden eyes burned with an impossible glow, mere inches from his own.

Jack couldn’t help himself; he HAD to feel for himself if that long nose was as velvety as it looked.  He reached out a hand to her, at the same moment that she leaned forward to sniff at him.

They sprang backwards from one another in startled bewilderment.

The Nightmare reared, her tail hiking high.

The only thing the frost sprite could think of to say was “Whoa.”

The word, ridiculous as it may have sounded, seemed to have the desired effect of calming the mare down.  After a long moment of each keeping completely still, the Nightmare moved first.  She nickered and leaned in again towards Jack, who began to stroke her, tears running down his face and freezing in the folds of his hoodie.

______________________________

It was rare to see a frown on the face of the Sandman; he took his duties as the Guardian of Dreams very seriously, but he genuinely enjoyed his work, sending his dreamsand out into the world to weave tapestries of happiness and restful sleep.  

There was a situation, only recently observed but developing for some time, that had Sandy troubled.  Not all of his dreamsand was making it back to him at daybreak in its journeys around the world.  Seemingly insignificant amounts, true, but those amounts were starting to add up to an idea that was unsettling to contemplate at best and horrifically dangerous at worst.

Thus the frown, and a vow to be less complacent in his dozy state, and more vigilant on his watch.

He remembered 1566 in Basel all too well.

[paler-than-thou]

GONNA BE CHANGIN MAH URL

Okay so I’ve wanted to for a while, and I know how anxious sudden name changes make me (paranoia/dissociative issues can suck my soon-to-be-extended dick y’all) 

soooo this is kinda a warning post? I’ll put up a couple of posts to make sure people know too :) 

Stay safe my babies <3

[paler-than-thou]

Venting here.

I don’t know what the fuck to do.

Last year, at the time I lost my disability benefits (so December), my council tax benefit was - for some fucking reason - stopped and I suddenly owed £316. Went to court over it and kinda went ‘what the actual fuck’ and was told okay, we’ll take it out of your partner’s JSA (Jobseeker’s Allowance) and we’ll do it starting March next year at £5 a week.

Sure. It’ll take forever, but that’ll only mean we have to tighten our belts a couple of notches - well, if we still had the disability benefit (but that’s another complaint).

Fast forward. Someone fucks up the paperwork. We’re told it’s fine, don’t worry, it’ll be sorted - just carry on as you are. Spoiler alert: It’s not fine.

Letter two weeks ago, final demand, pay at least £20 now or we’re sending bailiffs. I pay the £20, which means no gas/electric that fortnight (thank fuck my parents are currently buying food) and by some miracle we manage to make both of them last. Okay, so now it’s £20 a month...we can’t afford it but we’ll have to or we get bailiffs. It’ll be fine.

Spoiler: It’s not fine.

Got a letter yesterday. It’s gone to the bailiffs. Can’t phone the agency, because the case is at the bailiffs. Phone the council - they tell me to phone the agency, who won’t do anything because it’s at the bailiffs.

Can phone the bailiff, but all he wants to be phoned for is either to pay the amount in full or to arrange a date he can come to take our things and put another charge on us.

(It’s not the bailiff’s fault, they’re usually lovely people, am trying not to be an asshole about this. This is literally all he can do.)

So.

We have to somehow pony up £320 within the next few days, or we have to arrange to have our goods removed and have another £75-£100 added on top of the £320 for the privilege. The only goods we have that would be any use is two computer screens (my computer’s still being paid for), Pup’s computer and periphials, our TV and our ancient-as-fuck PS2 and X-Box. Apart from 3rd-hand crappy and mostly broken furniture, that is literally all we have.

By the way, we had to borrow money to make our rent, and we’re currently £20 overdrawn and have maxed out our limit. We have literally minus money right now.

I can’t think. I can’t even fucking breathe right now. We need help and I don’t know what to do. I’m gonna put a paypal on here, because that is all I can think of. 

Things have just been going to shit since they took my disability away, and I don’t know when they’re going to get better. Every month’s getting harder. I don’t know what to do.

Here’s our PayPal.Me link.

Even a boost could help. At this point, I’ll take anything.

[paler-than-thou]

Usually I’ve finished the warmup and have moved on to Actual Art by now.

Nope, still fucking about...

[paler-than-thou]

Hello my lovely! Yeah, I had to turn anon off on this one as I was getting some nasty anons. I’ve screenshotted this and am putting it on my main blog as I figured you’d be looking for it on here, but if you want more info or anything than I’ll be happy to answer privately if you want ^^

Right. First of all, I know right now you probably feel very confused and possibly a little upset. It’s fine to feel like that - a new diagnosis can be overwhelming, especially if it’s on top of other ones. Remember, though, you’ve had this your whole life - things like that don’t just start from the diagnosis - and you’ve already got coping mechanisms in place. My first piece of advice is to have a look at yourself, see what you do to cope - do you stim? If so, how? Is there anything you can do to make your life easier? - and do research on your autism, look at how other people cope, that sort of thing. And do it in your own time, too - there’s no pressure, if you feel you need to wait for this to sink in first, then do. Don’t force yourself to be overwhelmed if you don’t think you can manage it.

On to my neurodivergentnessness...ness. Of course I don’t mind - I’m very open about myself, especially if it can help someone. The list is a little long, and a lot of it blurs into each other, but that’s the ‘fun’ of it, hah. I’ll put in how I cope with said things in with the points as well, which means this might get a little long, but hey. So...

I am:

Autism. Yup, I’m autistic too! I have PDD-NOS autism, and was diagnosed at a young age and wasn’t told until recently. I do a lot of things to help with this, the main one being ‘stimming’ - the act of doing something to keep myself focused, like tapping fingers or clicking pens. I use fidgets - like fidget spinners - or sometimes I can ‘tick’, which comes out as rhythmic leg-jerking or tapping my fingers or anything like that. Leading into this is my ADHD, which I’m putting with my autism even though it’s not the same thing because it’s vaguely related and I suffer from focusing issues with it. Stimming helps to calm everything down - picture an internet window that has 35 tabs open, 8 of which is playing adverts, 3 are playing music and the rest are pop-ups with 1 being what I’m trying to work on. Stimming helps me to close out some of those tabs and ignore the rest so I can focus on the one I want. What I will make clear about autism in all its wondrous glory: you are not broken. We are not broken. There is nothing to cure about autism. You’re absolutely fine :)

Severe Depression (with suicidal ideation). This one’s a little harder to cope with, and mostly I’ve found a mixture of medication and therapy (like with some of the others on this list) are the most effective. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is very helpful, that is retraining the mind out of repetitive and harmful thoughts, as well as having a support network and knowing my own thought patterns enough to recognise when I need to be careful. On good days, the suicidal ideation’s a background noise I can drown out easily, on bad - well, it’s one of those tabs I mentioned earlier and it’s not shutting up. Working out how to get around it can be hard, but it’s doable - and if you do have suicidal thoughts on the regular, I urge you to talk to your doctor about it.

Antisocial Personality Disorder. Yeah, I have this one too :D there’s a lot of scary things on the internet about this one, mostly that it’s the medical term for psychopathy. Media has a lot to answer for with this - like it does with a lot of neurodivergent things - because it’s not as frightening as it seems. Mine can be shown as a lack of empathy (when I’m really bad) and sympathy, as well as having to ‘train’ myself in the difference between right and wrong. I think it really depends on how severe it is for you as to how to cope with it, because I can’t say with any thing that it’s something I need to ‘cope’ with - it’s just there, lurking in the background, though again I’m medicated and in therapy for it so perhaps that helps? :D

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This one is...a difficult one. Without going into details, I’ve witnessed and been involved in a few hellish things, and it’s resulted in this diagnosis. I’ll admit, this is the hardest for me to cope with, as it’s the one that affects my life the most - to the point where it’s likely this is what causes my seizures and jamais vú. This is pretty much also medication and therapy - lots and lots of therapy - as they’re really the only things that can cope with PTSD. Other than that, it’s damage control - avoiding things that can trigger an episode, keeping myself safe when I’m feeling bad, stimming (yup, for this too), and having others help me with it. My partners watch movies and play games before I’m allowed to see them to vet them for scenes I need to turn away from - for instance, without giving spoilers away there’s a possible scene in a Mass Effect game I need to close my eyes and ears for because it depicts one of the things I witnessed.

Anxiety. Just. All the anxiety. I’d have to say I don’t cope with this one well. This is all down to therapy to be honest, because if left to my own devices I would be happy to just...not communicate or leave my bed, but obviously that’s not a good option. I have learned to push myself, and when I really can’t push it, but my coping mechanism is to not Do The Thing. Don’t follow that. It’s a Bad coping mechanism that I’m having to literally retrain myself out of.

I do also suffer from Fibromyalgia and Chiari Malformation, but as they aren’t exactly neuro-related (the former they don’t have a clue and the latter is my brain poking out the bottom of my skull) I’m not going to include them here. There are other things I suffer from, but those are the main ones I guess? Like others would count as co-morbidities because they’d come under or be caused by all the ones up there, like my insomnia being PTSD, ADHD and anxiety-related etc.

I hope that helped a little, Anon, though for Bipolar I would recommend you go poke @puppehgal as she has Bipolar Disorder - I can only really give you an outsider’s PoV which to be honest isn’t helpful and I don’t feel comfortable doing.

Take care, sweetheart, and come back if you need to talk - whether on anon or not <3

[paler-than-thou]

[paler-than-thou]

holy shit

if i’m headcanoning trans junkrat this hard

i could actually do a cosplay of him

oh my god

[paler-than-thou]

Seriously, how hard is it to know I’m not American at the very least?

[paler-than-thou]

Okay so

Today is not a good day.

(Putting under a cut for talk about dermatillomania/lip picking and blood)

I woke up, once again, with fingers and mouth covered in blood and it was all I could taste, because for the first time in years I didn’t strip the skin off my lips, I tore the flesh from the inside of my mouth. Right now I’m constantly poking and chewing the resulting area because I can’t stop myself. It hurts like hell and not even stimming is helping.

Usually I just strip the skin off my lips - it’s not great but it isn’t as...damaging? as what I did last night. But every now and then I’ll feel a sharp pain in my cheek and the inside of my lip and look down and oh look, blood. You never realise just how many blood vessels you have in your mouth until you realise that you look like you’ve just been in a Marvel movie as one of the mooks employed by a bad guy.

I know it’s my OCD and anxiety and I could even hazard a guess as to why I’m this bad - Thursday I’m going to a tribunal to try and win my disability benefit back and the £4k+ of backpay I’m owed and on top of that we still haven’t been able to pay this month’s rent. Alongside that is a load of stuff I need to do but I just can’t move myself to it and fuck, you know?

I know this, but chances are I’m now not going to let myself sleep because I know if I do I’ll wake up with blood in my beard again. I can’t stim when I’m sleeping, and stimming isn’t helping anyway, so I’ll just pick and pick and pick.

What makes it worse is I know it’s also a form of self harm. It hurts when I do it, and it hurts the day after and I’ll still chew at it and make it worse and keep it going and feel gratified when I can taste blood again. 

And on top of all that, I have a goddamned cold thing that’s lurking in my sinuses and throat. 

...I guess it’ll mean I’ll be an extra mess when I go to the tribunal at least?

I don’t want to go back to the doctors about this ><

[paler-than-thou]

All The Ifs: Jospier Karr

tagged by: @literalprush​

If i were a month, I’d be October If i were a planet, I’d be Mars If i were a mythological creature, I’d be a Vampire If i were a sea animal, I’d be a Goblin Shark If i were a piece of furniture, I’d be a stove If i were a gemstone, I’d be Coffinite If i were a flower, I’d be a Foxglove If i were a kind of weather, I’d be an Overcast If i were a color, I’d be White If i were an emotion, I’d be Satisfaction If i were a fruit, I’d be an Apple If i were a sound, I’d be Silence If i were an element, I’d be Fire If i were a place, I’d be a Mountainside If i were a taste, I’d be Sour If i were a scent, I’d be the fragrance of Soil If i were an object, I’d be a Knife If i were a body part, I’d be the Hands If i were a pair of shoes, I’d be Jackboots If i were a song, I’d be Rammstein - Ohne Dich

tagging: everyone! just say i tagged you if you want ^^

[paler-than-thou]

Yes good.

[paler-than-thou]

ngl every time i see/do the BSL for ‘nurse’ my head replaces it for ‘Mercy’

i got it hard for overwatch ><

[paler-than-thou]

Oh god I might scream about this place but

Right now? I love you, Tumblr, and all of you wonderful people who are supporting us by boosting or donating.

Thank you so much.

[paler-than-thou]

so tired and i hurt so much

when’s this going to end? feel like i’ve been having a Bad Time with all my shit for months and it’s starting to really get to me

just

stop it