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mt-oe · 25 days

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𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡—modern mizu

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Hey dears!

So sorry for not doing requests much! I'll be deployed into a hospital known for being super busy ;; I'd like to get my ideas out before I become buried with work again.

This one's inspired by my favorite artist. They recently followed me back here and I melted ///// Every time I see their art, I always get so giddy and happy. They honestly make my day <3

I'll link them here: @winnie-illustrator / ig: winnie_illustrator / twt: babydollproject

Specific art that inspired me is linked here: link <3

Also, I feel excited because I want to try incorporating my field into my writing too. It won't be completely accurate to give it a sense of readability and because that would be hell to write www

Hope you enjoy! Mwa mwa :*

warning/s: not proofread, reader is older than mizu, autopsy, slight violence, reader thinks mizu is a man (pronouns used will be mostly he/him), implied afab reader

note: I am more than willing to take this down if the artist wants me to, especially if they are not comfy with reader inserts. I respect your decision, which ever it may be. I will still love your art regardless <3

Nothing but the soft sound of metal being placed on metal and the vent fans spinning resonated among the cold tiled walls. An occasional cracking sound from a rib being opened or the soft, slimy 'thud' sounds of organs being placed aside could be heard. The air smelled like decay, formalin, or xylene depending on which area you stood. An eerie atmosphere lingered with an unsettling feeling, enough to be suffocating. Even the lights flickered, making the grayish tiles appear colder. Scalpels, forceps, and saws lined up neatly on the counter, shiny and sterilized as opposed to mess of organs and body fluids you had on your tray.

This place looked gloomy, empty, lonely.

It doesn't matter. That was how a morgue was supposed to be.

You sighed as you removed your dirty gloves, the latex producing a loud crispy snap. It was bloody and probably covered with something else like bile or whatever was left of the decedent's last meal. Stains weren't allowed on your reports anymore. Don't know why. It wasn't like what you were writing was legal anyway. The head's son must have touched a shit stain while handing it to his daddy.

Removing your mask, you placed a cigarette between your red-painted lips before lighting it. The smell of burning tobacco filling up the room as you rolled the cigarette to get an even burn. Your hand picked up the pen and started writing out the autopsy report for the recent corpse, taking hits from your cigarette in between. You hated writing autopsy reports. It was a waste of time considering the lawlessness of this goddamn place.

No one cared if you died. They'd step over and desecrate your corpse.

Name: unknown Age: est. between 30-40 years old Length: 175cm Weight: 73.3kg General appearance: fair skin color, appears of good nutritional status Other findings: Livor: appearance of postmortem lividity most prominent on left side of the frontal region of the head, left hypochondriac region, and the epigastric region; decedent exhibiting tache noir Rigor: whole body exhibiting rigor mortis, rigor still easily resisted. -blood vessel dilation found on upper and lower mucosa of the eyelids -nails and fingertips exhibit cyanosis -irregular-shaped bruising found on the left occipital region measuring 6cm x 3cm -laceration measuring 3cm x 0..2cm located on the right infraorbital region -linear fracture on right parietal bone -depressed fracture on left occipital bone, depression measuring 4.7cm x 2.6cm -several linear abrasions located on the upper palate (palatine raphe) measuring between 1-3cm x 0.2cm -crush laceration resulting in rupture located on the right lobe of the liver -traumatic fracture of left ribs (7-10) and xiphoid process resulting in partial decimation of xiphoid process

'Poor man,' you thought as you drew out the location of the fractures and lacerations on the poorly printed out piece of paper.

No, you weren't taking pity on him. He was a fool that probably had mouths to feed and was tricked by the enemy into thinking that he could handle the life-threatening, high-risk-high-reward job of being a spy for the enemy organization. They must've gotten him so drunk on fantasies of amassing a fortune, getting high on drugs he can't even pronounce, and women hotter than his wife. This fucking idiot probably thought sneaking in and poisoning your subordinates was an easy job.

Now his wife would have to live wondering where her husband went off to.

With a few more words and one click of your pen, you finally finished writing the report. You'd have to culture and assay the samples from his body later for any substance or biological weapons that he might have left. Your back rested on the cushion of your seat, a hand over your eyes as you closed them. "Fuck.. finally," you groaned out before sitting back up again to grab another cigarette and lighting it up, allowing the sound of the vents to take over the room.

...

It was quiet here.

No one ever went to your morgue...laboratory..whatever. Dead bodies lined this place up, a new face everyday. If you're lucky, maybe a new one will roll in every hour. A gut-retching, unnerving feeling never left this place. A feeling that someone or something was always watching you would linger; and somehow, to you, it was the most peaceful feeling. Like a tiny cove hidden amongst the mess where all you had to do was open people up like a treasure box, get a bunch of samples to perform tests on, then sew them shut.

It was your haven. Your little territory. No one wanted to go here.

...

"Impressive. I take it you're done?"

Well except for this little shit.

It was that blue eyed demon that had somehow made a name for himself allover the scene. An assassin who steps into the scene wielding only a blue katana. The only person who was crazy enough to bring a knife to a gun fight. His eyes striking terror to who anyone who saw them. Even your allies had chills running down their spines whenever they saw him.

Rumors quickly spread about how he took down a whole unit on his own. Stepping straight into enemy territory alone only with pure seething rage behind his sharp eyes, coming out covered in the blood of his own enemies. They say he only joined to kill the don of four particular groups. His presence screamed anger and bloodlust.

An onryo.

That's what they called him.

Despite only having graduated from training, he currently possesses the highest body count in the whole organization—and we're not talking about sex.

And luckily or unluckily, you had the privilege of instructing him when he was still a trainee. You had no intention of teaching anyone, your plate was full as it was. But one faithful day, he appeared in front of your morgue. His presence undetectable until he was right in front of you, sending chills down your spine.

Your eyes met blue, staring at it with a deadeye stare, not even bothering to hide the irritation you held. The blood in your veins was running cold, the tips of your fingers tingling from how nervous you had become. You accidentally left your revolver in your laboratory which was now blocked by this stranger.

'How the hell?' you asked yourself in thought, eyes breaking contact to glance around the hallway.

It was a simple hallway with only two doors on either side, one leading to your office and the other back to the lobby. There were no windows, no cubbies, no anything. Absolutely nowhere to hide. And yet somehow, you couldn't even detect his presence.

Sound always echoed around the gray tiles, capturing any sound no matter how quiet. Even the soft pitter-patter of water dripping from the ceiling echoed like a drum within this hall. However, no sound nor sign of footsteps could be heard. He was like the wind, suddenly appearing before you.

Your eyes went back to him, stare turning into a glare. Every part of your body was silently screaming at you to run, telling you that this person was dangerous. That one wrong move would kill you. "What the hell do you want?" you seethed out, eyes watching for any sign of aggression. Even with your vigilance, you couldn't win this without a gun.

No.

Even with a gun, something in your gut was telling you that you wouldn't win.

His cold emotionless eyes continued to watch over you before his hands reached into his pocket, pulling out a picture taken using a polaroid camera. It was a picture of a recent autopsy you performed, corpse laying on the cold metal table, all stitched up. "How did you obtain this..?"

The decedent was an instructor known for being cruel to trainees. Everyone knew of his behavior but he was too influential within the organization to get rid off. Until one day, his body was rolled into your laboratory, multiple lacerations over the body, a few missing teeth, signs of struggle evident. No one knew who killed him. Too many people held a grudge with him to be traceable. It didn't matter, it wasn't your job to find out anyway.

"This..cut," he started, voice husky as his finger pointed to the picture, clearly referring to the cut you had made on the corpse. "Its clean. Exquisite. Clearly made by someone skilled." He looked up at you, eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. "Its you."

A clear look of confusion painted over your face. This boy sneaked up on you because of a cut?

You took a look at the picture again and rolled your eyes. "A y-shaped cut. Every examiner and coroner in this world knows how to do one. So what?" you groaned. The blue eyed man seems intrigued by your answer, eyes glancing around in thought. As you moved over to the side to head towards your laboratory, the man stepped back and blocked your way again, making you let out an exasperated sigh.

"Teach me," he said, handing you the picture. "Or at least show me how you made that cut."

Another exasperated sigh escaped your lips as you glared at him, hands shoving the picture back to him. "No. Get out," you scowled. No matter how oddly unnerving this man's presence was, there was no way you'd waste your time taking in a trainee. Your hands shoved him away from the door before going to the handle.

Before you could twist the doorknob, his hand immediately gripped your wrist. "I'm not leaving until you agree," he said, pulling your wrist to keep yours hands off of the knob. The look in his eyes told you that he was serious. God, this man was stubborn.

Your eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance as you pulled your wrist away from his grip, crossing your arms. "Then make it worth my time. What do I get for teaching you?" you asked, raising a brow at him inquisitively.

His gaze shifted around the hall in thought before landing on you. "I'll tell you who killed this man," he replied, showing you the picture yet again. Your eyes softened for a moment before glaring at him again. "As if I care. My job is to provide evidence, not convict someone."

No, maybe you did care...or was it because you already knew who.

The man let out an audible huff before looking around again. Now his vision was focused on you. Looking over your features, observing every detail of your clothes and body. Anything to convince you, to force you. "You're missing a gun, aren't you?"

Your eyes widened slightly, the unsettling feeling returning to your throat. "And why would I tell you?" you said cautiously. He chuckled darkly before looking over you once more. "A model 57, am I right?" he asked, slowly approaching you with soundless footsteps.

As he approached you, you took a cautious step back, following his steps. Something was telling you that he was not so keen on negotiating anymore. Soon enough, your back collided with the wall, effectively trapping you between the tiles and his body. There was no use struggling. Both were equally immovable.

Rough calloused hands lifted your chin up, forcing you to stare at his face. His thumb running across your lips, smudging the red lipstick against your chin, staring at it before his gaze went back to your eyes.

He was reading you, observing the fear as it ran through your body. Once again, he took out the polaroid picture and showed it to you, now with a sense of satisfaction as he felt your breath. "You're not an idiot. You probably know who killed him," he said in a low tone. The look in his eyes hungry as if he was a predator hunting and you were the prey.

You gulped and turned your head away the best you could with his hand still holding your chin. Your actions neither confirming nor denying his statement. Numerous large lacerations, clearly made by a sharp object. The cuts were clean too. It wasn't hard to figure it out. At least not to you.

He chuckled at your stubbornness, knowing full well that he had trapped you. "Now," he proceeded, pressing your body further against his as he loomed over you. "Teach me." His hand slowly slid the picture into the breast pocket of your lab coat, fingers tracing the stitches carefully and tenderly. The threat sent chills down your spine. Your body was telling you to run, to scream at least. You were trapped between a wall and a killer.

"Fucking shit...Fine!" Your eyebrows scrunching together at the feeling of being defenseless. The threat of losing your life wasn't what bothered you the most. It was the fact that this cocky trainee waltzed into your spaces, wasting your time and disturbing your peace; and yet, you felt utterly helpless under him.

It was unnerving. It pissed you off.

Finally, he lets you go, face emotionless but his blue eyes told you that he was more than satisfied. Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you opened the door to your morgue before craning your head to glare at him. "Oh and never touch me again."

But this bastard never got lost. In fact, he came back every single day. At first he had the decency to wait for you to get back whenever you went out to submit your reports, standing in front of the door like a good little boy. Now he just waltzes in like he owned the place.

Sometimes he'd just sit around and watch, the blue in his eyes shining particularly whenever you cut up a corpse that died from something peculiar. Sometimes he'd dirty up the place, walking in after a mission, covered in blood and smearing it allover the chairs and tables. Most of the time, he'd walk in just to annoy the shit out of you, moving around the reagents and inspecting them. Like what he was doing right now.

"Didn't I just replace the lock?" you asked, raising an eyebrow and taking a long drag out of your cigarette. His hand reached into his pocket before presenting to you a bent up hairpin. This little shit picked the lock again. "You did," he affirmed, voice sounding a bit smug.

His footsteps echoed around the room as he approached you, sitting down right next to you on the smooth varnished wood of your desk. "You should consider having cameras in this place," he commented, tilting his head to look around as if he hadn't for the past years.

You rolled your eyes at his suggestion, exhaling the smoke through your nostrils in a deep huff. "Oh please, as if you won't find a way to break them and sneak in. You'd carve a hole on the ceiling if you had to."

He hummed in agreement, eyes closing while he nodded. For a moment, silence once again enveloped the place. His eyes looked over to the cigarette you were holding, blue orbs eyeing the red lipstick on the filter, gaze lingering on it in particular. "Did you like the corpse I gave you?" he asked, taking the autopsy report from your desk and reading it.

"You could've gone easier on the man," you replied, tapping your cigarette on the ash tray and snatching the report back from him. "Really. Blunt force trauma? What did you use? The back of a gun?" you chuckled, scanning over the report as well. "Just when they've handed us a new batch of rifles, you just had to use it like a machete."

The shrug he gave you was more than enough to affirm your suspicions. Raising an eyebrow at him, you put your half-finished cigarette out on the ash tray before walking over to the corpse, putting on a new pair of gloves, and zipping up the body bag. "A ruptured liver too," you sighed, bringing the tissue samples you took to another table and placing them in formalin.

"He deserves it," he replied nonchalantly, taking the lighter from your desk and standing up, striding over to where you were. Snaking his arms around your hips, he peered over your shoulder. Your body went rigid as you tensed up from the contact. Suddenly, the feeling of something firm being pressed against his shoulder made him step back a bit. His eyes trailed down to see the barrel of a revolver pointed at his shoulder.

Your eyes narrowed at him, warning him to back off. A clicking sound could be heard as you turned to face him, jaw clenched. "Touch me again and I will shoot," you warned, vexed expression evident. His gaze switched over to your gun then to his shoulder before he took another step towards you. It seems that your threat was ineffective towards him.

"Go ahead," he replied, pressing the barrel of the revolver against his shoulder before placing his hands on both your sides, resting it on the cool metal. "At least aim at a vital organ. A hit on the shoulder is easy to fix." Sharp blue eyes staring at your lips once again. The red on your lips fascinating him. It was like he was hypnotized.

You rolled your eyes at him, eyebrows knitting together as you realized that your threat was not working at all. "Oh and maybe I should remind you that I'm the only doctor here," you snarled sarcastically. He laughed softly, tilting his head down to look at you. "Aren't you a pathologist?"

"Exactly. So back off unless you want to be the next thing I cut open," you threatened but it was no use. The man in front of you stayed unmoving with his eyes fixated on your lips.

The more he stared, the more he pressed his body against you. Yet somehow, you couldn't bring yourself to pull the trigger. Instead, you raised a knee up before swinging it towards his crotch. However, upon impact, your eyes widened in realization. You stared at him dumbfounded, lips parting as you finally spoke...

"You're a woman."

At your statement, her gaze hardened, jaw clenching in sudden aggravation. Suddenly, her hands grasped your wrist, pinning you down on the table as she loomed over you. Your revolver now on the floor with loud clack, a heavy foot over it. Her eyebrows scrunching together in an irked expression. "Speak of this to anyone. I'll kill you," she threatened, face moving closer towards yours.

You couldn't believe it. All this time, the blue eyed demon was a woman all along. He who brought fear into his enemies, leaving them either dead or permanently incapacitated, was not a he. The little shit bothering you and messing around with the stuff in your laboratory was a woman.

The lack of reply irked her even more, her glare now directed towards your lips. Fuck. Maybe if she wasn't so distracted by your lipstick, she would have seen this coming. The longer she stared, the more her body grew hot either from infuriation or from something else.

Suddenly, her hand entangled itself within the locks of hair at the back of your head, pulling on it and smashing her lips against yours. Your lips opened slightly from surprise and she took the opportunity to slip her tongue into your mouth. Her tongue explored the cavern of your mouth, not caring if you returned the kiss or not.

Your body trembled under hers, breathing becoming shakier as the kiss continued. A small groan escaped your lips at the feeling of her hand pulling on your hair tighter. Eventually, you allowed your tongue to move with her's, dancing together with your groans and soft mewls as the melody.

A thin string of saliva connecting your lips together upon pulling away. Your red lipstick smudged over your cheek and allover her lips. You could see her chest rising and falling as she panted through her nose.

"Fine...I won't," you breathed out, looking away to hide the warmth crawling up to your cheeks. The heat of the atmosphere taking all the snarky remarks out of your mouth. Her gaze softened before she leaned down, placing a trail of kisses from your lips down to your collarbone. She lifted her head up once again and let your wrists go, helping you up.

Before you could speak, she slipped her hand into your breast pocket and took out the carton of cigarettes, taking one out and placing it between your lipstick-smudged lips. Reaching into her pocket, she took the lighter she picked up from your desk out and flipped it open, lighting the cigarette for you.

Her blue eyes scanned over your figure before chuckling, all the anger she had earlier completely gone. "I know you won't" she whispered with a sense of sincerity. "I'll leave."

You watched as she headed towards the door, footsteps quiet and quick. Upon reaching the door way, she turned towards you with a slight smirk.

"Mizu," she said suddenly.

"H-Huh?"

"That's my name, so don't forget." She turned back around and left. The sound of the door closing echoing around the morgue. Your eyes stared at the door, stupefied from the turn of events. Your fingers slowly touched your lips, tracing where she had placed hers.

There was no way you'd forget it.

She'd come back every day to remind you of it.

#bes #bes mizu #bes x reader #bes mizu x reader #blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai mizu #blue eye samurai x reader #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu #mizu x reader #mizu imagine #mizu x you #mizu x fem!reader #blue eye samurai netflix #mizu bes #Spotify

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dustyfairywings · 4 months

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Midnight Worlds

Years after that first glimpse into Madame Kaji’s floating world, Mizu is finally ready to ascend and know the shape of her soul.

a short preview.

Madame Kaji’s House of Flowers has yet to turn away a single client that could not be satisfied, and tonight is to be no different.

On this evening, one singularly insatiable samurai pays a visit to Madame Kaji’s House of Flowers. The samurai stands before the ornate building, noting the vines of colorful flowers growing upon the red lacquered wood of the lattice windows, creating a living mosaic of blushing blooms and bodies on either side of the entrance. There upon hangs a deep golden noren flapping gently in the evening breeze, the inviting glow of a secret realm seeping around its embroidered edges. Delicately painted down the center of the bisected silk curtain is a trio of blossoming flowers the colors of parted lips, each resplendent crevice and fold of their petals intimately traced by an expert, loving hand.

The samurai blushes at the thought before gingerly parting the pink petal lips of the noren and stepping into the haze of this floating world. The samurai’s nose wrinkles at the cloyingly sweet aroma of flowers and opium that fill the room. A velvet voice lilts over the din of whispered conversation and breathy moans, “Welcome to the House of Flowers, sir.”

“I am here to see Madame Kaji,” says the samurai with a curt bow.

“I’m afraid Madame Kaji is most discerning with her clients, who book her time months in advance. Does the gentleman have an appointment with the Madame?” The voice pauses before continuing. “Well, let not the sting of rejection nestle in the gentleman’s heart just yet. Within this walled garden are many flowers he may yet enjoy. No bloom is outside his reach,” here the voice lowers to a husky whisper, closing the distance. “He need only name his desire.”

A hot breath caresses the samurai’s cheek, punctuating the statement with a tingling warmth that creeps up from deep inside, unbidden. The samurai at last looks up from beneath the wide brim of her hat and her icy gaze is met with the warm, disarming smile of a kagema.

Mizu slides her orange-tinted spectacles down her nose, just enough to reveal her piercing blue eyes to the young man. “I’m afraid I must insist. Tell Madame Kaji, an onryo comes seeking her wisdom once more. Please.”

#blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai fanfic

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nogenderbee · 2 months

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♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖 ℂ, ℕ, 𝕋 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: C, N, and T yandere alphabet for Mizuki?

Love your writing btw💞💞

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Yeaaaah!! So happy to see some love for Mizu! Also thank you smm <333 I'm so happy to hear it!!

I swear I enjoyed writing it smm!! I love writing yandere Mizu already!! I really hope they get more love because AAAAH the silly <3 Anyway, hopefully you'll like it just as much as I did!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ TW: unhealthy obsession, yandere love, manipulation, possessiveness, mentions of death threats

Not putting affiliation because I'm aware of how triggering this could be.

✧ Crazy = How easy do they enter crazy mode? How do they act when they are in it?

Mizuki is actually pretty calm when it comes to that. Someone needs to REALLY piss them off! And the biggest trigger would be someone bullying you to the point you can't take it anymore and are thinking of really dark thoughts. They wanted to be calm but now? They don't even care if they'll be catched!!

Sneaky death notes to your bullies become whole bullying paragraphs on internet, posting their emberassing pictures, facts, rumors, additionally spreading all the stuff mentioned around school, anything to get rid of them from your life! They'll also go into blaming them for vandalizing school just so they'll be kicked out of your school.

"They're doing what?!! Oh no no no! Just trust me it'll be alright... I'll make sure to handle them. Hm? Oh no, it's just your mind! Haha! I'm normal!"

✧ Non stop = How clingy they'll be when you're in relationship? How possessive are they? And how much free space do they give you?

Mizuki is actually very clingy partner! They don't care if you just pulled away from 4 hours cuddle session and you're late for classes, it's time to be peppered with kisses!! They're somehow always holding your hand or clinging onto your side even when you're walking! So you can say freely their affection is at it's top!

And as you maybe guessed... their possessiveness isn't any better! They're so clingy it's actually possessive. I mean... everyone could see it the moment they came to school more often just to be by your side! Whenever you go, they'll want to go with you. Obviously not to toilet and if you need some time alone, they'll understand, but if you take more than 3 hours, they'll start whining you don't love them anymore and began tired of this relationship! So you have no other choice but to come back~

"No! Don't leave!! You're cheating on me, aren't you?! You were just playing with my feelings! If not then don't go and prove it!! You know how sad just the thought made me? I'm literally about to cry..!"

✧ Type = What type of Yandere are they?

Mizuki would be the manipulator type! Because why get their hands dirty when they can just use their appearance and words to make you think they're the only one you need and to make others eliminate themselves?

They're good at acting so you won't even know it when these tears are real and when they're just trying to achieve their goal with it... But guilt trapping is definitely their favorite method~ It's so comforting to see you care so much for them after all~

"I didn't knew you're like this... I... I actually thought you liked and cared about me but... it seems I was wrong yet again... I'll never be able to have anyone, will I? I really am just bad, aren't I?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @modyuki @virtualpoison @written-by-kafka - come get your cuties lover~

#project sekai #colorful stage #x reader #project sekai x reader #colorful stage x reader #project sekai colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage x reader #mizuki akiyama #mizuki akiyama x reader #project sekai mizuki akiyama #project sekai mizuki x reader #yandere alphabet #yandere au #yandere #alphabet

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grimbonezz · 3 months

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[oc writing] —-★

The Psychology of Salem Crow

—-★

Author’s note: Absolutely doing a deep dive on my oc because I need to get active on here more and I need to share how mentally ill I am over him and I need to share with the world. Enjoy!✨

All that is mentioned for quotes is from Chapter One of Afterdark and primarily focuses on Salem’s current character before any of his arcs

—

WARNINGS: mention of sex, violence, self destructive behavior, obsession, unhealthy escapism/coping mechanisms/behavior, minor self harm (?)

—-★

Salem Brooklyn Crow, one of the main protagonists for Welcome To Wolfshire is a very complex character built upon violence, hate and sorrow from past troubles and refusal to bring his problems into the light. He is the prime definition of a ‘pure young soul cradled by hate’, otherwise known as ‘the king of a glass castle of his own making’ …

Salem doesn’t focus on himself. He worries about others over himself but to extreme degrees where his body pays the price whether it be wounded in fights, to taking the fall by authorities to exhaustion. He’s selfless but at a price of his own health

Salem’s nature at first glances is intimidating and distant— he doesn’t get close with people off the bat nor does he indeed on being seen as ‘friendly’ at first glances. He’s extremely rough around the edges, both physically and mentally, and is often seen as a brute. That’s he’s known as and all he knows how to act with others. A typically loner who only keeps those he’s bonded with close as everything else goes to hell under his own making. One example, Reggie Belmont

Immediately in the chapter of Proposal, Salem’s relationship is introduced as a rivals with benefits deal that is the only time the two talk civilly without being at each others’ throats— high school friends who fell out of a friendship to become a complicated rivalry duo that uses sex as a coping mechanism to dodge their problems, not only as clique leaders but as young adults

“I know you want nothing more than to sink fangs deep like some raging animal. Fight tooth and claw to be titled as victor in the end. To be titled as king.” — Reggie Belmont

Salem and Reggie and both consent to this relationship built upon violence and sex, they both can opt out of their rival with benefits relationship at any given moment (confirmed they do after Chapter One). Salem can leave if he likes but somehow he keeps returning to it as routine he can have control over— all of it started as some ego rising pseudo obsession-esque thing to a form of escapism the two fall into as a way to escape reality for a moment and talk like adults while trying to dodge their own problems

Salem buries his problems rather than deflecting them to others like Reggie but holds them down deep enough where they reaching the breaking point and he crumbles with it. Instead of dealing with them in a healthy way, he keeps dodging them or simply takes it out on himself like punching a tree till his knuckles turn bloody or driving out to the far side of the county and screaming until he can’t no more. He hides his emotions as the concept of him going for help is ‘pushing his problems onto others’ and lets them be buried under the rug. He’s too stubborn for his own good to go for help— he could go to his parents but choosing not to ‘burden them further more than he already has’ (reference to his curse) — Salem practically grew up too quickly by his own means and is refusing to listen to his inner child

Salem has been hurt so many times where he doesn’t know what ‘love’ is — all he knows is violence and mutual beneficial over genuine romantic love

—-★

Quotes that define Salem Crow as a character — Blue Eye Samurai mention:

“That child would look at you and run…”- Swordfather to Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai)

“Your face isn’t eve scary. It’s just… angry…” - Akemi to Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai)

These two quotes stuck with me as it reminded me of Salem and how his inner child would view him. He was a child with a bright smile, no curse, little goat horns, sheepish ears and bright eyes— eager to explore the world and what mysteries of Wolfshire County

If his inner child would see him now, he would stand in fear. Not because of Salem’s curse by of what happened to him after all these years. Where the loving child vanished and the bitter young adult came out as a front to shield himself from the harsh realities of the world and the hands that hurt— biting at the hand that reaches out from the darkness to save him. He’s not scary… just angry

Lyric quotes that define Salem as a character — Hell Throws Treasures Too:

“I am creation, both haunted and holy made in glory. Even the depths of the night cannot blind me when you guide me. Creature only. Look inside my heart and find a perilous ravine, carved within the beauty, the darkness in between. Standing in the balance of complete and incomplete. I identify the echo of what is and what will be…” - Creature by Half Alive

“You can't fight it, you can't breathe. You say something so lovin', but. Now I gotta let you go. You'll be better off in someone new. I don't wanna be alone. You know it hurts me too. You look so broken when you cry. One more and then I say goodbye…” - Heat Waves - Stripped Back by Glass Animals

“I need something bigger than the sky. Hold it in my arms and know it's mine. Just how many stars will I need to hang around me to finally call it Heaven? 'Cause I need somebody to remember my name. After all that I can do for them is done. I need someone to remember me…” - Remember My Name by Mitski

“Two steps forward, three steps back. Without warning, heart attack. He fell asleep in the snow. Never woke up, died alone. I don't wanna be. I don't wanna be me. I don't wanna be… Me anymore…” - I Don’t Wanna Be Me by Type O Negative

“And now it hurts what we've become. 'Cause you taught me how to love. It's me who taught you how to stop and you just say I drink too much. Maybe I'm defective or maybe I'm dumb. I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done. Maybe I'm bad natured or maybe I'm young. I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done…” - Sorry by Nothing But Thieves

“But it won't come from above and there's a hole in my chest like there's a hole in the sun. So tell me, what's coming next. I'm searching what's coming next. I've got a pain in my neck because I keep looking up. I'm searching what's coming next but it won't come from above and there's a hole in my chest and I'll make it my own. I've got a message that you can't ignore. Maybe I'm just not the man I was before. Take this from me, take this lonely heart, ‘cause I, 'cause I don't need it no more…” - Take This Lonely Heart by Nothing But Thieves

“Can't pick them out. Can't press them in. I'll never hide my scars. Can't pick them out. Can't press them in. I'll never hide my scars. Familiarity breeds. Familiarity breeds. Not only is it thicker, blood is stickier than water. Maybe that's relevant somehow. Can I explode now?” - November by Sparkbird

—-★

How Salem interprets himself — a battle of heart and mind:

“You want the acclaim, the mother of mothers (it's not worth it, Achilles) More poignant than fame or the taste of another (don't listen, Achilles) But be real and just jump, you dense motherfucker (you're worth more, Achilles) You will not be more than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat) You want my opinion, my opinion you've got (no one asked your opinion) You asked for my counsel, I gave you my thoughts (no one asked for your thoughts) Be done with this now and jump off the roof (be done with this now and get off the roof) Can you hear me, Achilles? I'm talking to you. I'm talking to you…” - Achilles Come Down by Gang Of Youths

What is interpreted as what his mind thinks compared to his heart— his current consciousness versus his inner child

“Stacked up to my height. Turn and see you cry. Crumpled down to my size. Broken by your father’s vice. Those years you don't remember. I spent crumpling leather. In the seat next to where you drive. Where you gave your best advice. Your favorite song line hurts. I didn't understand it at first. But an empty seat on your drive home. Reminds me of how often you are alone…” - Deep Down I’m American Werewolf by Crywank

“Well you don’t know me… but I know you.. and I got a message to give to you…” - O Superman by Laurie Anderson

Salem meeting his younger self— seeing how much he’s changed over the years, seeing how hate consumed him and how the world wronged him, but his inner child knows he’s still there on the inside. He’s still in there underneath the cold facade and distant nature, his inner child is hiding away

—-★

Bonus: A conversation with his younger self — what it would he like:

(blue = present self — younger self is like 16 years old, ‘pre’-curse era)

“Who are you?”

“I’m you.”

“What happened to us?”

“We got a curse. We don’t know how-”

“No. What happened to us?”

“We got bitter…”

“Why?”

“Because people used us…. Because the world hurt us…”

“Are we happy?”

“No.”

“Will be happy?”

“I don’t know kiddo…”

“Can you promise us to be happy?”

“I can try.”

—-★

#welcome to wolfshire #character psychology #character deep dove #original writing #original content #original character #he’s so tragic #Salem is so fucked up it’s insane #but that doesn’t mean he can’t be fixed #i can fix him #HE CAN BE FIXED #ITS POSSIBLE #i love his character so much #he’s so tragic yet he has a heart of gold #he’s just hurting #ALSO BLUE EYE SAMURAI MENTION #I had to #he has so many parallels with Mizu it’s driving me up a wall #ITS WASNT INTENTIONAL EITHER

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mizutoyama · 1 year

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I posted 891 times in 2022

351 posts created (39%)

540 posts reblogged (61%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nothingtowear05

@lifeofkaze

@yeahwrite

@pathofstars

@drinkyoursoupbitch

I tagged 696 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#hphm - 241 posts

#hogwarts mystery - 224 posts

#alice beaumont - 87 posts

#hphm mc - 64 posts

#mizu’s fashion side - 62 posts

#mizu's fashion side - 60 posts

#random outfit challenge - 54 posts

#for future reference - 45 posts

#jacob’s sibling - 44 posts

#other’s mc - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i wish there was a position of someone who just tells them to shut up about their boring lives and go sign document you were sent last week

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

41 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

Ok, if Bill is aware of that, it’s because Charlie told him because he secretly has a crush on MC but thinks he doesn’t have a chance because of all the attention MC gets.

I refuse to let JC burst my bubble.

47 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

Quidditch series recruitment

If you don't know already, I have finished my Brazil series. After more than one year of working on it, I can just say "Finally!" This means that I can now move on to other things, and one of those things is my Quidditch series, which takes place in Alice's 5th year, after my Celestial Ball series. (Yes, I like doing series)

Why am I telling you this? Well, Quidditch fics mean Quidditch matches and Quidditch teams. Now, I could create players from scratch, but I decided to ask the HPHM community if they would like to share their MC for the time of one Quidditch fic (or longer if your MC is in Ravenclaw like Alice).

Positions available

Ravenclaw: Chaser, seeker (@lunasilvermorny Does your offer to use Luna as a beater still stand? @kc-needs-coffee I would love to use KC as the other beater, if you don't mind, of course)

Slytherin: Chasers, seeker, keeper, 1 beater (the other one being Rath)

Gryffindor: Beater, keeper, 2 chasers (the third one is Skye Parkin)

Hufflepuff: Unfortunately, the match against Hufflepuff has already taken place by the time Alice joins the team, as hinted at in this fic. But you can still volunteer your MC for a quick appearance (@lifeofkaze you know I would love for Lizzie to make an appearance)

You can let me know in the comments or DM me.

59 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

See the full post

66 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I am not okay. Just heard that Angela Lansbury died.

R.I.P. my favourite sleuth.

I need to binge watch Murder, She Wrote

104 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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mcyt-amber-tftsmp · 3 years

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𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞 {𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐛 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫}

Part II of Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Part I: Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Request?: Pancakesunday64 (Pt.1 originally requested by HeartsYeallow)

Character: Ranbob

Side Character(s): None

Story-type: Romantic and Fluff

Story Length: 3050 words

AU or Not: AU of sorts where the four fishermen came but never died

Time Period: Future basically

Plot Summary: I really liked how at the end Ranbob mentions something about keeping his promise to her and that she's his everything. Somehow in my mind I was thinking he meant p̶̡̨̺̳̠͈̮̺̪̽̑́͗͌͗͠r̷̥̠̣̬̥̦̖̗̒̀͑̀̐̆ǫ̵̩̩̱̬̲̹̾͗̓̌͊͐p̶̛̞̟͔̺͆̓̾̀͑͒̕͝ô̴͓̜̺͌̔̀͜s̸̼̹̬̞̯̠͕͊͌͒̊͂͠į̴̞̍̄̐̊̓͑ṉ̶̫͖̩̙̱́̏͗͐͑͘ģ̷͚͙̀̈́̈́͗̂̾̐͠͝͝ to the reader. It just seemed kinda sweet and like a fun pt.2 idea

Small Info: Y/N and Ranbob are already like dating and stuff so yeah also I am thinking of extending this oneshot till pt.3 so yeah

Keywords:

Y/N = Your Name L/N = Last Name F/C = Favorite Color

Trigger Warning: none

Normal Warning: hhhnnnnnnng probs cringe- but cute and heartwarming

--------------------------------------------------

Y/N's Point of View~

We have probably been laying down for a while. I tried to get up but Ranbob still held onto me. I smiled knowing he tends to be really clingy on me.

"Ranbob I need to get up." I said.

"Few more minutes. I don't want you to leave." He said nuzzling my neck a little.

"We can't stay like this forever you know." I said lacing my fingers through his hair as I stroked it a little.

"I know I just don't let go off you just yet." He said still holding onto me.

I decided to give in and stay like this for a few minutes. I continued to stroke his hair more until I heard him purr which made me giggle as I continued to stroke his hair as he continued to purr. I learned this about him like the last time I visited and it was pretty surprising.

"Sweetheart... please stop..." I heard him mumble and I knew he was feeling embarrassed by this considering he finds it embarrassing when he purrs like a cat.

"Come on! It's adorable when you purr like a cat!" I said as moved his head to look at me and I could tell he was slightly blushing in embarrassment.

"Pssh! The only thing adorable here is you." he said and this made me slightly blush.

"Ran no I am not adorable!" I said puffing my cheeks as I hid my face in his chest as I heard him chuckle.

"What? It's true. You are adorable and beautiful in my eyes." he said which made me even redder in the face.

"Fine fine you win." I said and I could imagine him smiling right now.

"How long has it been since you have seen the overworld exactly?" I asked out of random.

"Well... I have gone to the overworld a few times from here but I am not so used to it honestly so I kind of stopped going." He said as I pulled away from his chest.

"Why don't you come with me today?" I said as Ranbob had a slight look of shock as he pondered for a bit.

"I don't know... it's been a while to be honest..." He said as I smiled.

"Not much has really changed. I will be there with you." I said as he looked at me for a bit.

"... Alright. I will go with you for some time." He said as I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Yay!" I said as Ranbob let me go and slowly got up from bed as I did too.

We both left Ranbob's room as we headed towards the room where I came down from. We eventually reached the place as I went up the ladder first as Ranbob followed behind me. As I got up on the stone floor, I helped Ranbob up.

I saw that my boat was still there so I got in first as I motioned Ranbob to get in. He looked a little nervous but eventually got in slowly. It took a few minutes to reach shore but we eventually arrived safely to the beach.

Ranbob's Point of View~

I wouldn't say I am allergic to water or anything like most endermen but I just preferred to not come in contact with it. I realized that we had reached shore. Y/N got up first as he helped me step out of the safely.

I looked around the place. Nothing much has really changed around here considering I haven't come here for three years straight.

"Nothing really changed much huh?" I said.

"Three years didn't really go through much I guess. But come on! I want to show you around the place." She said grabbing my hand as she dragged me around.

The first thing she showed me was where she lived. She basically lived in a small cottage which actually was pretty homey and welcoming to say the least. I learned that she lives alone here but she doesn't seem to mind but she did have three cats that seemed to warm up to me very quickly.

Right now one of the cats were on my lap as I was stroking it while the other two were sleeping beside me. After a few moments I saw Y/N walk downstairs with something in her hands. She looked like she was going somewhere.

"Are you going somewhere sweetheart?" I asked as she looked at me and nodded.

"Yeah I have something to return to the market. You want to come with?" She asked as I thought for a few second before nodding.

I picked up the cat from my lap as I set it down on the couch as I teleported to Y/N who was waiting outside for me. I basically followed her to the market considering she knows the place better than me but I have a good sense of direction just by looking at my surroundings so I know where is what.

We eventually reached the place. It was an outdoorsy type of market with people selling different things. It looked pretty neat to be honest. It wasn't crowded that's for sure and I was relieved that it wasn't or anything.

"Okay so! We will meet here at the exact same spot. You can look around if you want! I won't take long!" She said as she gave me a small kiss on the cheek as she went off in her direction. I really wanted to follow her but I know that I could trust her so I went the other way to look around.

I didn't really have any sort of interest to look at certain things but I did look around a bit. I saw that a few hybrids seemed to work in these markets like Pigmen, Zombie-Piglins and Humans. There were a few hybrids on that note too that worked here.

I was just passing a jewelry stand until something caught my eye as I walked back to look. Nobody was here but I just decided to look. The thing that caught my eye was a ring that had a F/C stone engraved at the top.

The ring immediately reminded me of Y/N. I got slightly nervous by looking at the ring. The thing is that I really wanted to propose to Y/N but I never really had a ring that's for sure. I don't even know if I should even do it cause I feel like it's too soon. My thoughts were interrupted as I heard someone speak.

"Hello good sir! I see your eye has caught something special." I looked up to come face to face with a man who happened to have brown curly hair and happened to be wearing sun glasses but I caught a glimpse of pure white eyes behind those glasses.

"I um yeah I guess so." I said not knowing what to say.

"I am guessing it's for a certain someone am I right?" He asked as I slowly nodded.

"Um yeah yeah it is honestly." I responded as he nodded.

"Well this type of ring is a good way of showing love and proposing. I am guessing it is for that by the look on your face." He said as he opened the glass from his side as he took the ring out with the box and closed it as he pushed it towards me.

"I-I don't have money so I can't really take this." I said as he shook his head.

"It's no problem. No one really comes here for rings for these types of occasions so take it from me as a gift and luck." He said pushing it slightly further to me as I hesitantly took the box as I looked at him and gave him a small smile.

"I will find a way to pay you back. Thank you sir." I said as he smiled pushing up his glasses.

"Please call me Carlos." He said as waved goodbye.

I walked away as I brought the box up to look at it. I let out a huff of breath as I put it away as I teleported back to where we were supposed to meet up with each other. I reached the place as I looked behind me to see Y/N running here as she stopped and halted to catch her breath.

"Sorry if I kept you waiting!" She apologized as I smiled and shook my head.

"It's alright. I just arrived when you did so it's no problem. Come on lets go back." I said as she nodded and we went towards the direction of her cottage.

We eventually reached the cottage house as we went inside. I saw the cats were still fast asleep on the couch. I smiled going over to them as I stroked them a bit. As I was doing so I saw Y/N come over to me as she sat down beside me.

"So what do you think so far?" She asked.

"Hmm... I would have to say it's nice to say the least. Not much has changed that's for sure and people sure seemed friendly there." I said as I saw her smile.

"I am glad! By the way... um... you don't mind if you stay here with me for a while before you go back to Mizu right?" I heard her say as I looked at her and shrugged.

"I don't mind staying here for a few days as long as I am with you." I said as she smiled even more and hugged me.

It actually gave me enough time to set my plan into action. I did plan on staying here for a week or so. I was planning on proposing to Y/N after a week anyways. I just really loved her and I thought that maybe it was the right time to do so. Now I just needed to get things ready.

Six Days Later~

Today was the day. The day I was proposing to Y/N. I was really nervous to be honest and I had so many possibilities run through my head and most of them were about me getting rejected with a glimpse of her actually accepting it.

I took a deep breath as I told myself things will be okay but of couse I was still nervous. I planned a picnic for both of us at the beach. It was actually a surprise. Y/N was currently outside at the market getting buying somethings which I had the house to myself and had prepared her favorite meal and anything else.

I basically picked up cooking perfectly in the last six days. It's the least I could do to make things go well on my planned picnic. Right now I was just waiting for her to come back as I held a bouquet of F/F. Just as I was thinking, I heard the door open as I went over to see Y/N had come back from outside.

"Hey Ranbob!" She said greeting me with a smile as she noticed I was hiding something behind me.

"What's that you got there?" She asked as I smiled and put the bouquet of F/F in front of her.

"These are for you." I said as she stood there shocked as he slowly took it.

"Thank you! You really didn't have to do this." She said as she hugged me.

"I have something else planned for the both of us. I have to take your outside for it." I said as she looked at me questioningly.

"Really? Okay let me just put these things away." She said running towards the kitchen only to come back a few moments later as we headed out the door. We walked for a few as I came to a certain stop cause of reasons.

Third Person Point of View~

Ranbob eventually came to a stop at a certain point as he looked at you.

"Okay so I want you to keep your eyes closed since it's a surprise and everything. You can open them once I tell you to okay?" he said as you nodded and closed you eyes.

He took your hand as he carefully took you to the place. After a few moments Ranbob again came to a stop as she came in front of you.

"Okay you can open your eyes now sweetheart." You heard him say as you slowly opened your eyes to be greeted with a very pleasant sight which took your breath away.

(Link for the picture)

You were shocked that Ranbob planned a picnic date for the both of you. Honestly you two never went on a date before and it was your first. You didn't really care about not going to dates considering you just loved spending time with him and could care less about those.

But this was something you didn't expect from him. You hugged him as he hugged you back. This was really perfect and well planned.

"Thank you so much Ranbob! I can't believe you did all for this for me. I rally don't deserve this." You said as Ranbob hugged you back shaking his head.

"It's the least I could do to show how much I love you. You deserve every bit of it. Now come on. I know you are pretty hungry." He said as you both sat to eat and enjoy each other's company.

After eating you two decided to talk about random things as you both exchanged laughs and jokes. It was a very beautiful night with the stars shining bright in the night sky. Right now you two were lying on the sandy ground while you were cuddled up on Ranbob's chest as you both looked at the stars in each other's arms.

It was a moment to savor. But of course it wouldn't last long considering it was getting pretty late and you both had to leave before the mobs spawned nearby.

"It's getting late. We should get going." You said as Ranbob looked down at you and nodded as you got up from him so he could sit up.

You both stood up as you both dusted the sand off from you. Ranbob knew that he had to do it other wise he wouldn't be able to do it cause right now was the good time to propose to you. Before you could walk away she grabbed your arm to stop you.

"Y/N wait! I have to tell you something important!" Ranbob said as you stopped to look at him and he looked very nervous.

"Are you alright Ranbob?" You asked looking at the nervous half enderman hybrid as he nodded.

"Yeah it's just that..." Ranbob began as he let out a sigh before continuing.

"Y/N I wanted to tell you that meeting you was one of the things I loved the most. You started out as a good friend of mine by visiting me whenever you got the chance. Then that friendship turned into love. When you returned my feelings I felt very happy knowing I had someone who would love me and I would be able to love the same way. What I am trying to say here is that I love you very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you so I wanted to ask you..." He began as he took out the small black box from his pocket as you watched him slowly kneel down in front of you as you were shocked.

"Ranbob...?" You whispered as you looked at him.

"Y/N... Would you make me the happiest man alive..." He started as he opened the box to reveal a silver ring with a F/C stone engraved on it. "... And marry me?" He finished as he looked at you.

tears were streaming down your face as your hands were covering your mouth. So many emotions already flooded into you after that heartfelt speech that you didn't know how to accept this but you eventually did.

"Yes! Of course I would marry you!" You happily responded back as Ranbob stood up as he slipped the ring on your finger.

He then smashed his lips onto your as he passionately kissed you as his right hand caressed your cheek while the other hand was intertwined with your other hand and the other wrapped around his neck.

Both of you eventually pulled away as you stayed in each other's loving embrace. He couldn't care about anything else other than the girl he loved so much being in his arms as they were both going to be getting married to each other sooner or later.

You were happy that you were going to his.

Ranbob was happy to finally call you his.

This is what mattered to you both the most.

The love you both had for each other and nothing would be able to change that.

--------------------------------------------------

#ranbob #ranbob x reader #ranbob x you #ranbob x y/n #tales from the smp #lost city of mizu #fluff #oneshots

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onenightbreak · 3 years

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....so that was a whole deal am i right? excuse any weirdness with this cos i’m kinda shaky rn, but here’s a recap for today’s (24th jan) tales from the smp: The Lost City of Mizu! under the cut smile :] my own interpretations/ things that aren’t explicitly told to be canon/ left to be inferred i’ve marked with italics.

Why show all the skins again when I can let someone else gather them? /j Here’s a post with the skins of all the characters. The cast is Karl, Quackity, BBH, Ranboo, and Dream; playing characters Isaac, Cletus, Benjamin, Charles, and Ranbob, respectively.

The episode starts with the fishermen - Isaac, Cletus, Benjamin, and Charles - setting out on a fishing expedition, before discovering a book that, among other exposition, tells the fishermen the coords of the Lost City of Mizu. Also of note is the fact that the author tells the fishermen that “I [the author] know you [the fishermen] but you don’t know me” and it’s signed with the letter ‘K’, suggesting that c!Karl left the book for them to find.

Once they arrive at the city, they find a book that calls Mizu “an underwater city of beauty” and that they can “get up close and personal with all your favorite characters from the Disc Wars”. They enter the city and meet a person who identifies themself as Ranbob, who later adds that he is a descendent of Ranboo. Despite being a descendent of Ranboo, Ranbob’s appearance differs from his ancestor’s. While Ranbob has both the black enderman skin and the white other-half skin, the arrangement is different, and he has yellow and purple eyes instead of Ranboo’s green and red ones. Endermen used to have green eyes before they were purple, so perhaps it’s related to that? Ranbob tells the fisherman that Mizu has been “abandoned for so long, other than me”, but that he wasn’t around when it was built. During most of the episode, he acts as a tour guide of sorts, showing around the fishermen.

The rooms they visit are themed around the different people involved in the current day DSMP storyline, however many things are incorrect suggesting things got misremembered or changed over time. According to Mizu’s history:

George was the longest lasting king of the SMP and worshipped by his followers. However, Eret killed him, as they were a tyrant who tried to take over.

Ranboo and his bloodline were bookkeepers and scholars. Ranboo in particular, was one of the greatest scholars, due to his supreme memory and writing everything down. He is also said to have chosen the side of a traitor due to his not choosing a side.

Sapnap was a fierce warrior on the Dream SMP. He had a large love for pets, and started the Pet War over defending them. He was also said to be so strong he could bench press mountains. Sapnap has a larger than usual bed due to his many women. (and historians said that him Karl and quackity were just very close friends /j)

Mizu is uncertain if Fundy was a person or a pet, with some people seeing him as a great warrior and some seeing him as Tommy’s pet (i hate it here i hate it here i hate-).

Quackity is very “happy-go-lucky even though there are so many bad things happening around him”. He was a well known bard, a “prolific nudist”, pulled many pranks, and idolised Skeppy. Quackity was also known for being “hyper optimistic”, apparently because he was so dumb he didn’t realise the bad things happening around him.

Skeppy had some kind of diamond poisoning that made him blue, but he sometimes changed colors to red or yellow. He was also known to be best friends with BBH, “if a little obsessed with him”.

BBH was known for prolific cursing and casting spells on people, including the enchantment “lan-gu-age” which prevented the target from speaking. He also apparently had excessive amounts of porn on his hard drive, but I think this is just a(n unfunny) joke from Dream and so I will simply Pretend I Do Not See.

Attached to BBH’s room is a secret room with green and purple carpets and beds, lots of books, and a picture of the cartoon Kids Next Door. Mizu’s scholars don’t know who this character is but it seems likely to be Karl, with confusion about him due to his time travelling.

Tubbo and Tommy share a room, with Tubbo known to be the leader and strongest of the Manberg warriors and Tommy his most loyal ally and follower. Tubbo is also known to like nature and particularly bees (which Mizu thinks you eat?). Tommy is known to “have a problem worshipping discs”, but the discs shown are Cat on the ceiling and 13 above the bed.

During their exploration, they also find several books with hints pointing to how Mizu’s residents met their downfall, including poisoned soil, decreasing food supplies, air filtration and oxygen problems, lacking energy production, and “strange sightings around the east wing”. Additionally, one of the walls is broken and Ranbob patches it up with TNT, as that’s “the only block he had to clog it”.

The last place Ranbob leads the group to is the Tree Dome, which contains a large custom tree, swings, and a bench with jukebox. Ranbob disappears, and the fishermen find a secret room key. The also spot a chest at the very top of the tree, and cc!Karl opens an audience poll to decide who climbs the tree, the result of which is Cletus. He climbs the tree to the the chest before Ranbob reappears and sets the tree on fire, saying that “no one lives after coming [to the city]”, and blows up the tree, killing Cletus. The other 3 fishermen make it out and hide in Skeppy’s room to read the book dropped by Cletus. The book says that the secret room key lock(?) is hidden in the main hall, and confirms Ranbob’s message that “once in the City of Mizu, there is no escape”.

They find the secret room, which contains a lava parkour leading to a key to unlock another door on the other side of the room. The audience votes again, deciding that Benjamin should attempt the parkour, which of course he falls off of and dies. Isaac successfully completes the parkour and brings back the final room key. (if you aren’t afraid of that wording, you really should be)

The final room is Dream’s room, with several sets of diamond armor, a diorama of Dream, and a ellipse pattern on the wall that resembles Blocks. Ranbob reappears and tells the Isaac and Charles that everyone in Mizu had an idol that they worshipped, and that his was Dream. Isaac asks if Dream was a good man, to which Ranbob says that he was. Ranbob tells them a final time that “nobody leaves” Mizu, before killing them both.

The stream cuts to black and plays a remix of Dearly Beloved while cc!Karl changes his skin and changes the set. When the stream shows again, the stream is focused on c!Karl. He walks through a cave to a room decorated with a purple and green carpet, and books and posters for the Tales episodes of Legends of Gogtopia and The Village that Went Mad, however is missing the poster from the Beach Episode. c!Karl writes a book that recaps in blurb form the events of The Lost City of Mizu, labels it as such and places it under the relevant poster. He also writes a diary entry which is labeled “Diary entry #1”, which mentions that he remembers less every time he time travels, however that he “has to keep doing [his] part” to “right some wrongs”. He ends it with “dont forget who you are” and signs it “Diary #1”. c!Karl then goes outside and goes into F5, showing that the colors on the front of his hoodie are reversed; a purple spiral on green background, rather than the reverse that is it normally. cc!Karl cuts to black again, lets the music finish, then ends stream.

(then i spend the next 10 minutes freaking out abt it, cos wtf was that that was so good-)

#THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY #karl jacobs #tales from the smp #the lost city of mizu #dream smp #quackity #ranboo #badboyhalo #bbh #dreamwastaken #dsmp #dsmpblr #mcyt #mcytblr #dream smp spoilers #wren.exe #save #this took me like 3 hours :squish:#blease reblog this

75 notes · View notes

moon-soo-ah · 3 years

Text

K/J/C-Dramas “To Watch List”

To watch list:

#Alive

1 Litre of Tears Special

4-gatsu no Kimi, Spica

14-sai No Haha

20th Century Boy and Girl

100 Days My Prince

A Poem a Day

A Stray Goat

A Tale of Mari and Three Puppies

A Way Station

After School: Lucky or Not

Aftermath

Aftermath Season 2

Ai Ore! Love Me!

Ai Uta: My Promise To Nakuhito

Akai Ito

Akai Ito (TV Series)

Aku no Hado

Alice: Boy from Wonderland

Always

AM 11:00

And, Live

Ani ni Aisaresugite Komattemasu

Baby-faced Beauty

Back Hug

Back to 20

Be With You (2018)

Beats Per Mizu

Beautiful Vampire

Because This is My First Life

Bittersweet

Blade Man

Blood

Boku Dake ga Inai Machi (2016)

Boku dake ga Inai Machi (2017)

Boku wa Doko kara

Bow Then Kiss

Boys! Please Kiss Him, Instead of Me

Bride of the Century

Bring It On, Ghost

Brother's Friend

Cart

Catch the Ghost

Cheat

Cheer Up!

Cheese in the Trap (2018)

Choco Bank

Circle

Coffee and Vanilla

Collectors

Colors of Wind

Come Back Ahjussi

Control Tower

Cry Me a Sad River

Crying Out Love, In the Center of the World

Cunning Single Lady

Cyrano Agency

Da Capo

Daytime Shooting Star

Dead Vacation

Death Note (2015)

Derailed

Destiny's Love

Doctor Stranger

Double Patty

Drama Stage: Anthology

Dream High

Dream High 2

Drowning Love

Dying Eye

Eien no Bokura Sea Side Blue

Entertainer

Entourage

Fantastic

Fights Break Sphere

Finding Mr. Destiny

Flower Crew: Joseon Marriage Agency

Flowers for Algernon

Forget Me Not

Gangnam Scandal

Giver: Fukushu no Zoyosha

Glorious Temptation

Gomen, Aishiteru

Good Doctor (2013)

Good Morning Call - Our Campus Days

Goodbye Summer

Hajimete Koi wo Shita Hi ni Yomu Hanashi

Haken Uranaishi Ataru

Hana ni Keda Mono

Hana ni Keda Mono: Second Season

Hanamizuki -May your love bloom a hundred year-

Hapimari: Happy Marriage!?

Haruta & Chika

Haunters

Healer

Heartbreak Library

Her Senior

Heroine Disqualified

Hidarikiki no Eren

High Society

Himitsu The Top Secret

His

Hitsuji to Okami no Koi to Satsujin

Holding The Cat in Arms

Horimiya

Hot Gimmick

Hotaru no Hikari

Hotaru no Hikari 2

Hotaru no Hikari: It's Only A Little Light In My Life

I Have Three Boyfriends

I Remember You

I Want to Eat Your Pancreas

If Cats Disappeared From the World

I'm Underage But I'm Not A Child

Imaginary Cat

Impossibility Defense

Inseparable Bros

Inuyashiki

Itazura na Kiss - Love In Tokyo 2

Itazura na Kiss 2 - Love in Okinawa

It's Difficult to Love an Otaku

Jimi ni Sugoi! Koetsu Garu Kono Etsuko

Jinx!!!

Josee

Joshi-teki Seikatsu

Juror 8

Kakafukaka

Keys to the Heart

Kim Ji Young: Born 1982

Kimi to Boku

Kinkyori Renai

Kiss Me at the Stroke of Midnight

Kizoku Tantei

Knowing Wife

Kurosaki-kun no Iinari ni Nante Naranai (2015)

Kurosaki-kun no Iinari ni Nante Naranai (2016)

Kuroshitsuji

Kurui Musashi

Kyou, Koi wo Hajimemasuk

L♥DK: Two Loves Under One Roof

Last Cinderella

Laughing Under the Clouds

Laughter in Waikiki

Laughter in Waikiki 2

Light on Series: Sisyphus

Live On

Love At Least

Love Cells

Love in the Moonlight

Magic School

March Comes in Like a Lion

March Comes in Like a Lion 2

Marmalade Boy

Meiji Tokyo Renka

Meteor Garden (2018)

Middle School Girl A

Mirai Nikki

Mischievous Kiss The Movie: Campus

Mischievous Kiss The Movie: High School

Mischievous Kiss The Movie: The Proposal

Miss & Mrs. Cops

Missions of Love

Missions of Love (Series)

Monsterz

Moorim School

Mother (2010)

Mother (2018)

Mouse

Mr. Zoo: The Missing VIP

My Amazing Boyfriend

My Amazing Boyfriend 2

My Annoying Brother

My First First Love

My First First Love 2

My Girl and I

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho

My Holo Love

My Korean Teacher

My Love Eun Dong: The Beginning

My Lovely Girl

My Mister

My Neighbour Can't Sleep

My Robot Boyfriend

My Secret Hotel

My Teacher

Narratage

Negotiator

Neko Cafe

Never Let Me Go

Nisekoi

No Breathing

No Longer Human

Noble, My Love

Ochanomizu Rock

Oh My Ghost

Okane no Kireme ga Koi no Hajimari

One In A Hundred Thousand

One More Happy Ending

One Step

One Way Trip

One Week Friends

Operation Love

Orange Marmalade

Our 30 Minute Sessions

Our Meal For Tomorrow

Ouran High School Host Club

P to JK

Peach Girl

Personal Taste

Pieta in the Toilet

Pipeline

Playful Kiss

Playful Kiss Seung Jo's Diary

Playful Kiss YouTube Edition

Please Find Her

Positive Physique

Postman To Heaven

Prime Minister and I

Princess Princess D

Proposal Daisakusen

Proposal Daisakusen Special

Protect the Boss

Q10

Ranma ½

Real⇔Fake

Remember

Reply 1997

Reverse

River's Edge

Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung

Room 7

Ruler: Master of the Mask

Rurouni Kenshin: The Final

Rush to the Dead Summer

Sakura

Sakurada Reset: Part 1

Sakurada Reset: Part 2

School 2013

School 2017

Search Out

Second Love

Secret (2013)

Secret Queen Makers

Secret Zoo

Seducing Mr. Perfect

Sensei Kunshu

Seondal: The Man Who Sells the River

Sherlock

Sherlock Special

Signal: Choki Mikaiketsu Jiken Sosahan SP

Something About 1 Percent

Splash Splash LOVE

Strongest Deliveryman

Sweet Combat

Sweet Revenge

Sweet Revenge Season 2

Swing Kids

Switched

Tario Fukushu Daiko no Futari

Temperature of Love

Temptation of Wolves

The 100th Love With You

The Beauty Inside (2018)

The Day After We Broke Up

The Diary About Ayame's Easygoing and Aggressive Days

The Divine Fury

The Host

The Liar and His Lover

The Life of the White Fox

The Master Plan

The Most Ordinary Romance

The Musical

The Nokdu Flower

The Odd Family: Zombie On Sale

The Secret Life of My Secretary

Theatre: A Love Story

Time Raiders

Time to Hunt

To Be Continued

Tokyo DOGS

Tokyo Ghoul

Tokyo Ghoul S

Tomorrow I Will Date With Yesterday’s You

Top Management

Totsuzen Desu ga, Ashita Kekkon Shimasu

Tune in for Love

Twenty

Twenty Hacker

Twenty Years Old

Two Weeks

Unforgettable

V.I.P. (2017)

Valid Love

Vampire Detective

Way Back Into Love

We Broke Up

What Happens to My Family?

Where Your Eyes Linger

Who Are You: School 2015

WISH YOU : Your Melody In My Heart

Wonderful Life

World of Delight

xxxHolic

Yell for the Blue Sky

You Drive Me Crazy

Your Eyes Tell

You're Beautiful

Original list is here!

[https://moon-soo-ah.tumblr.com/post/174640413880/kjc-dramas]

Because tumblr said my post was too long...

74 notes · View notes

shyrose57 · 3 years

Note

YOO BROTHERS ANON BACK FROM THE DEAD? My phone started to fucking die half way (like extreme lag, keyboard stopped working at times, sudden shut offs, etc) and I was too scared to work on this in fear it'd get deleted. But im fucking back and have a new phone so I was able to finally finish. Plus after I finished the Brothers AU stuff I decided I hated Tip of The Iceburg AU lore and wanted to redo it so held off til I got that mostly done. I'm also trying to redo From Future to Past a lil bit but thats going slowly and decided I already waited way to long. Some other stuff happened as well like falling out of the fandom (Breath of The Wild and Linked Universe I got into and am actually still kinda in) then getting tossed back in but, anyway there's some smaller details I left out of Rans time living in the wild but everything here is the big stuff.

Keep in mind most of this happens when he's just 13. And he never acknowledges or treats his trauma, leaving it to build and affect him more and more over time.

When Ran first steps out of Mizu and into the world, he has nothing but a sword at his back and a book with little information on how to survive at his hip. The book really only provides him how to make certain things (like tools) and some basic information (Spiders are passive in daytime, how to farm, and basic information about each nether biome). The book acts more like a brief overview of the overworld and little information on how to survive than an actual survival book. Because of this the book is basically useless, Ran eventually uses it as a way of marking down notes and ripping out papers to cover wounds and tie things. He quickly learns that sleeping in high places (like a tree or a hole in a mountain) is the safest possible place to sleep, as no mobs or people can get him. Though due to the nights of constant screaming from mobs, his own internal fighting, and eventual hunting, he develops insomnia and paranoia. Leaving him unable to close his eyes in fear of being ambushed, believing himself to be forever unsafe and in danger. When he does manage to sleep he keeps his weapons nearby (like in his hand or under his pillow) and jumps awake at the slightest sound.

He moves around constantly, never staying in one place for more than 2 weeks. He eventually finds a snow biome and after seeing the little amount of mobs and knowing the snow is to deep for any sane human to try to travel through, he decides to stay there for a entire year and a half before moving again. During this time he grows both physically and mentally. He goes from being a small, lithe 5'5 13 year old to being a strong 6'7 15 year old. He also uses this time to come to terms with what happened and swear revenge against Ranbob for everything he's been through and everyone who's died. Even when Ran came to terms with what his brother did, the promise "Ill never abandon you." Continues to ring in his head, which does nothing but fuel his hatred, believing his brother has been lying to him ever since he was a child. While also growing his knowledge on the world and his survival knowledge, becoming an almost perfect survivalist.

When he was first alone and dealing with all the emotions brought upon him, he finds out he's hunted very suddenly. He first approached Raq (who he didn't know at the time) when he was desperate and fresh out of Mizu, asking him if there's any nearby town or city or really anything. Raq pretends to want to help Ran and let's him stay at his camp, giving him food and a warm place to sleep. But its 2 full days later, deep in the night when Raq finally trys to attack him, aiming to incapacitate him. But Ran is able to escape him and run away but not without a injury.

During the fight Raq manages to hit him, specifically on his left ear. He manages to cut deep, but not deep enough, leaving the top of his ear just barely hanging on. Ran runs away and actually has a bit of a head start due to him tripping Raq. But Raq manages to follow/track him, due to the blood flowing out of Rans ear. Ran eventually realizes Raq is tracking him by the blood trail he's leaving, so he stops, steals himself, and rips off the remaining part of his ear, barely holding back a yell, then Ran pushes his hand down on the wound and continues to run. Raq finds the ear and simply hums, intrigued by the lengths Ran will go to escape, before turning around, deciding to let Ran escape this time, because he knows he'll see him again. Ran continues to run, terrified and borderline crying due to the fear and pain. For the next 3 days he believes he is still being followed by Raq so he continues to run, never resting until he eventually collapses from exhaustion. His ear eventually heals over but never grows back, it becomes a reminder of the fact he is being constantly hunted by people and will never escape them.

Ran encounters Raq a total of 32 times during his time living out in the wild. And every time Ran manages to get away, though sometimes more injured than others. Eventually it gets to the point Raq greets Ran like a old friend. After their 3rd encounter Raq starts to bring others with him, eventually he has 5 others helping him hunt Ran. Though Ran grows and is able to either outwit them by using traps or is just simply able to avoid them most of the time. Though he still gets hit at times, once he made a mistake and a trap failed, leading to him getting stabbed and passing out cause blood loss.

The Nether is less than kind to Ran but kinder than the overworld. He gets shot a lot from both ghasts and skeletons. And almost falls into lava multiple times. He gets stabbed and trips more times than he can count. But he actually manages to make acquaintance with the Piglins he meets due to him being polite to them and giving them gold for nothing in return. He actually is close enough to them to get directions for free and is even given resistance potions when Ran states he is leaving and not coming back as a farewell and stay safe gift. He ends up staying in the Nether for much longer than a normal person would and becomes adapt at traversing and surviving in it. It almost becomes his safe spot because the hunters have never followed him into the Nether. He would've lived there if he could, but due to the heat he isn't used too and the fact he just despised Ghasts more than the hunters, and they were everywhere in there, he didn't stay. But would often vist. Eventually he found netherite which he quickly covered his first and only diamond sword with. His sword also had the enchantments, sharpness 2, unbreaking 3, and sweaping edge. Over time and use the enchantments dimmed, only faintly remaining. At this point Ran had to flee his snow biome house due to a sudden attack, leaving behind the materials he needed to fix the enchantments and his sword. So he abandoned using it, but kept it cause it helped him through years of fighting, he can't exactly drop and leave it.

Extra stuff I couldn't find a way to fit in:

-Ran manages to find a village but actually gets kicked out cause he punches the blacksmith for upping the price of an iron sword.

-Ran slowly grows more cold, uncaring, rude, and harsh over time due to trauma. He doesn't realize he became this way due to untreated trauma until he arrives to The Pit where Watson is able to help him start to slowly heal. Which is why he becomes more open and joking in The Pit because he feels safe and loved.

-When the group leaves The Pit he becomes cold and hard again due to habit. Its his way of subconsciously defending himself.

-His body is covered in scars due to the hunters and his brushes with mobs.

-Ran knows how to tailor his own clothes and has made many different kinds of clothes, all designed for certain biomes.

-Ran never farmed, he always hunted.

-Ran never really built anything, instead he preferred to dig into the side of a mountain or make shelter in a cave. Its only in the snow biome did he actually build a house. And even then it was very clearly meant to be a temporary house. Though he did end up living there longer than he intended.

-He was at first extremely reluctant to kill, but was forced to kill hunters and animals multiple times. To the point he became almost numb to it and wouldn't hesitate to kill if he was threatened.

-He would sometimes dream about his family only for it to end with them being slaughtered, which really messed him up and he would just lay in bed mindlessly every time it happened. These dreams still happen.

Also a edit to when the brothers met in the Pit, Ran actually gets his hands on a broken trident accidentally left in the arena (its the front end only, and the middle spike is shorter than the rest due to a error when being made) and ends up tripping Ranbob then stabbing the trident into the ground over him (if that makes sense?), actually trapping Ranbob, with the middle spike just above his throat, leaving him unable to move unless he wants to cut his neck and trapped on the ground.

Tip of The Iceburg:

So Karl's watch is still damaged. And Isaac is still the one to convince him to seek help from the others. But midway through the meeting Phil speaks up, mentioning how he found a book in a ruined village that had a replica of Karl's Watch etched into the cover, but is in a language he's never seen. After passing it around the table no one recognizes it. Everyone's discouraged until Foolish suggests they look for the other Travelers (what ima call the Tales people) and maybe one of them will know. Eventually, with picture pinning of supposedly who could be in their world, they all split off into groups to look. Ran is still the first found, but when he's shown the book he actually confirms a part of it is in a old enderman language that fell off long ago, he's able to translate half of that section but says that Ranbob, who studied old languages much more thoroughly than Ran can do the rest (cause here their still brothers but nothing in Brothers AU happened). Giving everyone hope. Eventually Ranbob gets found and translates the rest, but a great amount is still untranslated, which is a problem. So now its a journey of finding more people and mixing languages to find out the rest.

A sudden twist to the story happens when Billiam joins, and due to his experience with the egg is actually able to translate a random page in the back of the book (the egg made its own language to prevent its plans being discovered). Where they find out the egg is what broke Karls watch, because to it humans are nothing but entertainment, and it gets joy seeing them suffer and wants to mess with their lives. When it gets revealed to the rest of the SMP what the page says, everyone gets pissed. And even when its found how to get the Travelers home they refuse to leave until the egg is destroyed, a few are mad at it and want revenge, others are scared and want to try to prevent it from coming into their time. Karl eventually relents and lets them join in making a plan to take down the egg.

Also have some fluff scenarios with the brothers since its been a while:

-There's two types of resistance potions in their world, fire resistance and water resistance. The latter of which the brothers have memorized how to make. Their friends do not know water resistance exists. Which leads to the brothers pranking their friends by drinking some then jumping into a lake. Giving Watson a heartattack and making Isaac sob. The two quickly reemerge seeing their reactions and calm them and reassure them. After the explanation you can bet they got a talking too and where grounded.

-Ran teaches Ranbob to fight!

-Ranbob teaches Ran to fish, Ran complains the entire time.

-Ranbob responds by threatening to teach Ran how to farm. Ran stops complaining after that….mostly

-Everyone has found the brothers either asleep against each other or one asleep on the other at least twice.

-*insert Arthur get out of the tank meme but instead it's Ranbob trying to get Ran out of a tree so he can greet people.*

-Ran has his first night in years without a nightmare!

Now something else I'm planning to work on soon: What happened to Ranbob after Ran left Mizu?

I hope me sending stuff is still ok after so long of sending nothing.

Good to have you back, Brothers Anon! And sorry to hear about your phone, that sounds like it must've a day.

--------

Brothers AU:

I see we're back to Traumatize The Brothers Time, fantastic.

The fact that Ran has these items on him is interesting. Did he just have them with him when he was fleeing? Did he have the time to grab them? Was he preparing ahead? What led to him having these useful tools on hand when he was forced to flee?

How does he fare with mobs, being a mob hybrid himself? I think it's somewhat been implied that he's good with Endermen, but what about others?

How do the gladiator gang go about helping with his insomnia and paranoia, if they are aware of it?

What's it like for him during his time in the snow-biome, since he's there for awhile? Does he make a more-permanent camp/shelter? Do anything particularly interesting?

Poor Ran! That must've been quite the shock for him, and I imagine it didn't help his trust issues.

How does he get to the Nether? Does he have a base there? What do the piglins think of him, and vice versa? How does the Nether life effect him overall?

What happened to those materials left behind? Where they discovered? Does he manage to go back and get them on the roadtrip? Do they visit his homes on the trip?

How does the group react to his sudden change when they're leaving? What kind of clothes does he make? Does he ever make some for the others? Does he enjoy it, or is it just because it's necessary?

How do the fishermen feel about the close call with the trident, and what happens to the weapon?

------------

Tip Of the Iceberg:

I don't remember if this was mentioned before, but was it Karl's watch that caused the issue then? Who wrote the book? Does the egg have a connection with them?

How do they fare with their plans to take down the Egg(and potentially the Eggpire, if that's a thing here)? How do those with previous experience with Egg feel about this, and what part do they play?

--------

Fluff! At long last!

I love how their thought process went to that. 'We can make water resistance potions, lets jump in a lake in front of our friends'.

That sounds like it should be entertaining.

Ranbob knows how to farm?

That's such a funny mental image. 'Ran, get out of the tree, you have to socialize'. 'Hissing'.

Yay, good for him!

Ooo, what?

Always.

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp #Tip Of The Iceberg AU

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karlnapity · 3 years

Text

everyone that’s so close to me.

tws: panic attack, minor self-injury (hitting)

he isn’t sure where he is, at first. his vision is blurry, black spots dancing at the edges of his view. as he comes to, he’s able to tell he’s sitting cross-legged on a wool floor. his hands curl in the soft cloth of the hoodie he’s wearing, and he focuses on messing with it with shaking hands.

he’s sitting in what seems to be a small library, a dark room covered with books on every spare surface, piled on tables and open in stands. he grabs the nearest one, opens it. his vision makes it hard to focus on the words, and his brain is so fuzzy he can barely understand what he’s reading, but after a few moments he can make out a few words:

don’t forget who you are.

anger flares deep in his chest. great, super fucking useful. before he even knows what he’s doing, he’s tearing the page in half, then in more and more pieces until there’s tiny scraps strewn across his lap.

he sits back as his vision swims, leaning against one of the bookcases. he wonders if he wrote the note himself, wonders what he’s doing here, where here even is.

he takes another book off a pile. the same thing, the same note. he falls into a sort of rhythm: read, rip, repeat. he leaves the few that look important. his brain isn’t able to work out more than “mizu,” but he knows enough to leave it be. he finds scribbling in a few books and destroys those too.

he’s not sure how long he continues tearing, frustration the only thing on his addled brain, but soon enough he’s sitting in a pile of fucked up confetti.

he hears voices somewhere up above, but he can’t quite get himself to focus, and he’s far too tired to even consider standing. he leans back again, closes his eyes, lets his thoughts drift.

the voices grow closer until he can’t ignore them anymore.

“what the fuck is this?” one of them asks. they sound like they’re underwater.

“some kinda secret room?” the other offers. there’s the creak of a door, then the first one swears, loudly. his head hurts.

“karl?”

he ignores them, keeps his eyes closed. they must be talking to someone else. the other one repeats the name.

“karl!” someone shakes his shoulder, and he jumps back. he blinks his eyes open, and pulls back.

there’s two people in front of him. the one who touched his shoulder is dressed in a beanie and some sort of tracksuit, his hand still outstretched. the other stands behind him, black hair tied back with a headband. he’s the one who speaks.

“are you ok, babe?”

his head swims. what’s happening? what is happening?

he shakes his head, stares at the mess around him, stares at the two strangers. he pulls his hands close to himself, fiddles in the hoodie in a nervous gesture. shakes his head again.

the one in the beanie crouches next to him, reaches out a hand, and he takes it, hesitantly. the other is quick to sit on his other side, rest a hand on his leg.

“karl, baby, what’s wrong?”

he opens and closes his mouth a couple times, finding himself unable to talk. he’s not even sure he remembers how.

“don’t want to talk?” headband asks, and he’s so grateful. he nods, hesitantly.

“the fuck is this room?” beanie muses, looking around. his leg bounces, and it’s clear he wants to stand and explore, but he’s still holding his hand.

headband takes that as his cue and stands, looking around. he starts to read the names of the books around the room. his voice lulls him into a sort of relaxation as he makes comments and cracks half-assed jokes about what he’s reading. beanie squeezes his hand and leans into his side, and he doesn’t pull away this time.

headband and beanie say a few more things, but he’s tired, confused, and he can’t quite make sense of what they’re saying. beanie pulls away from him and he almost falls over, but soon enough they each have a hand and are pulling him to his feet. he stumbles a bit, and he’s so, so tired he almost collapses against headband’s side, but they catch him and help him steady himself.

they lead him upstairs, painstakingly but so patient. he curls in bed as soon as they lay him down. he can hear them whispering outside the room but he doesn’t care, passing out almost immediately. he’s too tired to do anything else, bits of ripped up paper still clinging to his hoodie.

he wakes slowly, painfully. his head still pounds, and as he sits up his vision is still blurry. he needs to go. he needs to go somewhere.

he stumbles out of bed, almost cracking his head on the wall as he wavers on his feet. he braces himself as he makes his way down the hallway. his feet know the layout of the house even if his brain doesn’t, and soon enough he finds himself in the kitchen.

headband is standing there, and he turns as he hears karl. when he catches sight of him, his face both brightens and falls in some sort of paradox, but he lets him help him to the sofa all the same.

“how are you feeling?” his face is so gentle, and he reaches out a hand to cup his face.

he feels bad pushing him away but he still doesn’t know what’s happening.

and he can’t help it. that’s it. he’s tired, and he’s confused, and he doesn’t know these people, and he doesn’t know why they’re touching him and he doesn’t know why he trusts them and he doesn’t know where he is and he doesn’t know when he is, and he doesn’t know why that’s even a question.

and he starts to cry.

it starts out quiet, just small hiccups as the other, the stranger, pulls him into a hug, but soon enough it devolves into full-on sobs and wails. the other man must come in because he hears talking and soon enough there’s another set of arms around him.

he wants to pull away, he doesn’t know these people, he doesn’t know what’s going on, his brain isn’t fucking working, he can’t do this, he can’t-

he pulls a hand free from their hugs and knocks the palm of his hand against his temple, hard.

the others exclaim, cup his hands in theirs, and he lets out a few noises of frustration, and he finds his voice.

“stop!” he shouts, and he’s not even sure what or who he’s saying it to, but he can’t stop, he can’t stop repeating it, and he’s just shouting.

the others let him, and he’s pretty sure beanie even lets out a celebratory whoop, encouraging him, ironic as it might be.

eventually he quiets, and they’re still holding him, and he’s grateful. he falls back into their embrace. headband lets him go, ruffles his hair. his smile is sad as he pretends everything is normal, as he says, “i’m gonna go make breakfast now.”

beanie brushes his hair out of his face, straightens his hoodie, and looks him in the eye. there’s no smile on his face as he cups a hand around his head and looks into unfocused eyes and says, “karl, please, baby, i love you. please tell me what’s going on.”

he’s found his voice. it’s rusty from screaming, but it’s his all the same. it cracks as he says, “i don’t fucking know.”

“what’d you mean?”

“i don’t know what’s going on, i don’t know why i’m here, i don’t know who you are or who i am, i don’t remember,” he says, growing hysterical at the last words. he reaches out to grab the other’s arm in seek of support.

beanie huffs in disbelief, leaning back against the sofa. “... fuck. fuck. are you serious?”

he seems to search his face for some sign of a prank, like it’s simply not possible. he rubs his hands over his face, resting it in his hands for a couple seconds. then he takes his hand, hooks their fingers together. “ok. what do you need to know?”

he bites his lip. “everything.”

karl. his name’s karl.

his husbands’ names are sapnap and quackity. he can already feel it slipping from his mind, and as he sits on the sofa he stares at a spot on the floor and repeats it over and over. sapnap, quackity, karl. karl, karl, karl.

the name sounds funny in his mouth, so he mumbles it over, and over, and over. headband-sapnap sits next to him and listens to him mumble to himself and grips his arm like he’s afraid he’ll slip away. maybe he will.

the finer details of the situation are already disappearing from reach, and he struggles to hold onto them. something about l’manburg, manburg, a war or two, something.

he knows they’re important. he knows that he had something to do with it, but he can’t remember. he knows it has something to do with what he was doing before he <i>forgot.</i>

he stumbles to his feet. sapnap makes a startled sort of noise when he pulls free from his hold, but he’s on a mission now. he’s still tripping a bit, but it doesn’t matter.

he climbs back down to where they found him the night before, to the mysterious room hidden under their house. the door was left ajar and the torn-up paper is still there. it’s sort of comforting. he knows something. he knew the paper would be here. he knows how it got there. he knows something.

he crouches, rifles his hands through the small piles while headband- headband- sapnap watches. he catches words here and there. remember. who.

it answers nothing, and tensions start to rise. he can’t remember. he doesn’t know what this is, but he knows it’s important. he stands, pieces still clenched in his fists, moves to the books and the sketches. mizu, masquerade, beach. none of it makes sense.

tears prick his eyes, fists full of paper shaking. he can’t remember. he can’t remember.

someone touches his shoulder, and he flinches. a man with a headband is reaching out to him. he knows who this is.

he does. he hiccups, and the man pulls him into a hug.

“who?” he asks, voice watery. the stranger clutches him closer.

“sapnap. one of your husbands.” he’s crying too.

he fists in his husband’s shirt, holding him close. he wants to say something, but he’s not sure he can.

“i love you, karl, i love you,” sapnap murmurs into his shoulder. “whatever it takes, just tell me what you need.”

he knows this:

his name is karl.

his head hurts.

bits of paper flutter to the ground.

#karl jacobs #sapnap #quackity #dsmp #personal #dream smp #l'manburg #l'manberg #lmanburg #lmanberg #manburg #mcyt #tales from the dream smp #fanfic #fanfiction #time traveler karl

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cyhyr · 3 years

Text

Whumpmas In July: Hope

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: E

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka

WC: ~7040

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: Hospitalization, Mental Health Issues, Dissociation, Therapy, Making Up, Communication, Heavy Conversations, Angst, Triggers, Recovery, Frottage, Rimming, Safewords

A/N: Remember how I'm garbage at interpreting prompts? The vibe of Hope is there. But it's not... explicitly stated? This is just a little bit of plot. And a lot of filth.

A/N2: Terminal lucidity is a thing for coma patients; but it's SUPER rare. I am, however, making the shit up about dissociation, if that's not how it works. I just wanna write a fun story where I put this guy through as much pain as possible; and I only ever give myself three days to write these stories and that does not leave time for research. I apologize in advance.

Follow-up to “Secret”

For @whumpmasinjuly prompt list

Read on The Archive

Kakashi has time built up. He hasn’t taken time for himself since Rin—oh, but anyway—and so he’s able to wait. And wait. He stays in the village, walking around during the day and hanging in one specific tree outside the hospital at night.

In the dim light of the early morning, Kakashi crouches outside the window of Iruka’s hospital room and watches over him as he sleeps. Once he brought Iruka back to the village, Tomi-sensei admitted him for inpatient care. She promised to oversee his care personally, and reported directly to Tsunade morning and night.

It’s been almost a week.

…

Kakashi watched Iruka stumble back from Mizuki, hands dripping blood into the floor. The kunai drops with an echoing thud to the floor—

Followed by Iruka, dropping hard to his knees.

Kakashi skidded in behind him and clutched him, back to his chest. The pack whined and yipped around him and he couldn’t care because Iruka was under again and there’s no reason for it.

“Love? Iruka, please, talk to me.”

“Boss—”

“No, Urushi,” he snapped. He turned Iruka in his lap, cradled him in the crook of one arm and braced him against his knee. “Iruka, please,” he begged, shaking him gently.

“Bull, Bisuke, Shiba—get the doc and bring her in here,” Pakkun barked.

Kakashi fell back on his heels and pulled Iruka into his lap, ever closer. “Iruka, tell me what you need, please.”

Iruka’s eyes were distant and unfocused, his breath coming in soft pants. He was limp in Kakashi’s arms, a soft weight on his thighs.

The door opened and a high-pitched gasp caught his attention. Kakashi turned to face Rikona as she stepped closer, three of the pack herding her along with bared teeth.

“What’s happening to him?” he growled.

Rikona crossed the cabin, knelt beside him, and hovered her fingertips over Iruka’s neck. “I…”

“Do your fucking job,” he hissed.

She checked his pulse, held fingers in front of his open mouth, and tipped his chin up to look in his eyes. She frowned. “Why is he bloody?”

“Look behind you.”

Rikona did, and choked on a scream.

Kakashi held back a smirk. She still hadn’t told him how this could have happened.

“Mi-Mizu—”

“We don’t care about the dead rapist,” Kakashi seethed. “What happened to Iruka? Why is he under???”

“Dissociation, especially in Iruka-sensei’s case, is a defensive response,” Rikona answers quickly. “The mind can’t handle current events, and as such it just. Turns off. Sometimes learned behaviors can be conditioned during these times, as they… seem to have been, with him. B-but mostly he’s just… overwhelmed.”

“So he’ll wake up in a little bit?”

“I don’t… I don’t know. He’s been slipping under too much lately, and having been forced under just tonight… I swear, Hatake-san, I didn’t know—”

“You think I give a fuck about your apologies right now???” Kakashi snapped. In his arms, Iruka flinched hard, and tears started welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Shit, Love, no, please, not you, not you,” he whispered quickly, rocking them both back and forth, petting Iruka’s hair and kissing his forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks. “Everything’s alright, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Bring him to Tomi-sensei,” Rikona said softly, gently; she didn’t seem to want to invoke a negative response in either of them. “She knows about his episodes, she can design a treatment program for him.”

“What, and leave you here?”

“I plan to turn myself in,” Rikona reiterated.

“Forgive me if I can’t trust you,” Kakashi gritted. “Pack, two to the Hokage to report the incident, the rest escort her to T&I.” He gathered Iruka into his arms, sliding his arm under his knees and pressing his way up to standing. Bull came behind him to brace him as he stood. “Thanks,” he muttered down at him once he was on his feet.

Pakkun shook his head. “Go. Get Iruka-Boss to the hospital. We’ll check in when we can.”

Kakashi flickered away through a smashed window. With Iruka tucked against him, he flew through the trees back to the village.

(He doesn’t remember crying.)

(He doubts he made it the whole way without shedding at least one tear.)

…

Tomi-sensei says he’s making progress. Tsunade tells him that she won’t let Iruka stay under forever; that she’ll find a way to bring him back.

Kakashi watches Iruka open his eyes, still glassy and unfocused. He leaves the tree once his nurse comes in to help Iruka get cleaned up and fed.

He’s so tired.

Rikona doesn’t get a trial. Once before them, she admits to everything before the Counsel and the Hokage.

It doesn’t stop Kakashi from catching up to the ANBU team escorting her to prison and asking for a few minutes alone with her.

And if she needs Otter to heal her arm from the multiple fractures she sustains after that meeting… and if Otter messes up their jutsu enough that the fractures don’t all heal correctly… and if Rikona never regains full range of motion for her arm…

Well. They can’t pin that on Kakashi.

The ANBU team never saw him.

And he was also seen sparring with Gai at the time.

He’s stepping over Bull to get to the living room, watering can in hand. When Iruka comes home, his plants will be perfect. The whole pack is lounging around the room; Iruka would love having his house so full.

He finishes watering one plant, and a knock comes at the front door. Kakashi glares down at all the ninken and says, “What, no warning?”

“It’s just a messenger,” Shiba groans.

Kakashi goes to the door and presses his palm to the wood to undo the seals. When he opens the door, a genin messenger stands on the porch.

He bows. “Hatake-san. Tomi-sensei has asked that you come to the hospital.”

Kakashi nods, projecting calm for the genin, and shuts the door.

The calm, of course, was a façade. “PACK, DISPERSE.” He throws his feet into his sandals and feels the pull on his chakra from the ninken release as they all leave. He slips his vest and hitai-ate on, resets the wards, and takes off out the kitchen window—the one that faces in the direction of the hospital.

He’s across the village and launching himself through the window beside the admission desk on the third floor mental health unit in minutes. Aiko-chan startles at his palms slamming down on her desk, but she smiles and points to the hallway leading to Tomi-sensei’s office. He passes the few people in the waiting room, not quite running anymore, not while he’s inside the hospital, and stops in front of Tomi-sensei’s door

He knocks.

“Come in.”

The door creaks softly as he pushes it open. He’s spent so much time in this office over the last week, discussing treatment options and hearing how much progress Iruka seems to be making. He doesn’t want to step foot in a hospital again after he gets Iruka home.

Tomi-sensei smiles when she catches his eye. He barely spares her a glance before he’s falling to his knees in front of one of the two other chairs on the other side of her desk, placing one hand on the arm of the chair and reaching the other up, hesitantly, to cup Iruka’s cheek.

“Hello, Love,” Iruka says, his voice soft and weak.

Kakashi’s voice is just as soft, and he desperately holds back the urge to cry. “You’re okay?”

Iruka shakes his head. “Definitely not. I… I killed him, Kakashi.”

“Rikona’s in prison.”

“And she tricked—!”

“Gods, I’m sorry,” Kakashi shoves his head into Iruka’s chest, the hospital scrubs too clean and smelling of bleach and it’s overriding Iruka’s own scent—the scent he’d lost, fuck—and that just can’t stand. He reaches one hand around Iruka’s back and slides it up and under the back of his shirt, to feel warm skin on his palm, and he leans up and nuzzles into Iruka’s neck and oh there he is.

Iruka

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Iruka says, guiding him closer with a hand on the back of his head. “This. It’s just another hurdle.”

“It’s a big fucking hurdle.”

Iruka shakes with silent, humming laughter. “Still. I’m here, Kakashi.”

“I—”

Tomi-sensei clears her throat softly, interrupting them. “Hatake-san, he’ll need to stay under surveillance for at least two more days, to be sure this resurfacing isn’t terminal lucidity.”

“Terminal…?” He pulls out of Iruka’s neck and looks at her. “What is that?”

“Similar to a coma patient,” Tomi starts. “There are cases wherein a coma patient wakes up, feels perfectly fine for a few hours or a day or two, and then dies anyway. In a similar fashion, we’re understandably concerned for Iruka-sensei’s mental state; that this might be like one final gasp before he dissociates permanently.”

Kakashi turns back to Iruka and leans in again. He slips his hitai-ate off, and presses his temple against Iruka’s chest to hear his heartbeat. Iruka holds his hitai-ate for him, and holds him, and the thought that he could lose this for good settles in his gut and—and—

One tear falls from each eye; his own, and Obito’s.

Kakashi stays just outside the hospital, in the same tree beside Iruka’s window, for two more days. Tomi-sensei lets him visit during the day, and he does and he keeps Iruka company; she says that physical contact could help Iruka remain present. He holds Iruka’s hands and presses kisses to whatever skin he’s allowed and helps him go through his sensory exercises every hour and a half. The kitchen sends up a second lunch and dinner for him so he can eat beside Iruka, and when Iruka eyes his gelatin he gladly gives it up in exchange for a kiss.

And then when visiting hours are over and Iruka has to go to sleep, Kakashi kisses him one last time and jumps out the window. He pretends, for Iruka’s sake, to go home; he really just hides up on the roof for an hour and then goes down to the tree and waits for morning.

If something were to happen…

But the two days of surveillance pass without a hitch and when he comes in on the third day, after having run home for a shower and clean blacks, Iruka is eating breakfast with a wide smile and a fresh uniform laid out on the chair beside his bed.

“Hello, Love,” Kakashi says, grinning back. “Good news?”

“Tsunade-sama just left,” Iruka says through a mouthful of rice. He swallows. “I still need a month of leave at least, but I’m cleared to move to outpatient care.” He motions to the uniform, “Shizune-san brought me a new uniform; the one you brought me in with was… um.”

“Unsalvageable.”

“Yes.”

“I would have burned it if they tried to give it back to you.”

Iruka chuckles. “You’re sweet.”

Kakashi shrugs. “You don’t need that kind of reminder soaked into your clothes.”

“Even if they’ve been cleaned?”

“Iruka. You would still know.”

He smiles into his lap. “That’s true. You understand me so well.”

“I love you,” Kakashi sighs. “Understanding comes with the territory.”

Iruka’s blush is gorgeous. “I love you, too.”

“Do you know your therapy schedule?”

“No. Tomi-sensei is scheduled to be here in—um—ten minutes. She’s gonna give me discharge papers and go over a therapy schedule then.”

“Want me to help you get dressed?”

“After I finish eating.”

Kakashi sets the paper bag of prescription bottles on the table in the genkan and offers his hand to Iruka to help him balance so he can toe out of his sandals. One of the side-effects of the medications he’s taking to help keep the dissociation at bay and his mood stable is vertigo.

(Iruka had asked if Kakashi could wait until the lunch hour, when everyone is busy with meals and meetings—and he blushed and stammered all the while he tried to get the words out but finally he muttered, “Could you just… carry me? I can’t—I don’t wanna trip the whole way home…”

“Always.”)

Vests, hitai-ate, wrappings, gloves, most weapons; all get set in their place in the genkan. And then he leads Iruka to the kitchen and sits him down at the table, holding out his arms on either side of Iruka’s shoulders for a moment. “Alright?”

Iruka hasn’t stopped grinning since they left the hospital. “I’m fine, Kakashi.”

He slowly lowers his arms. “Tea?”

“Something weak, please.” Iruka lays his head down on his arms, on the tabletop, and Kakashi feels his eyes tracking him across the kitchen as he moves about. Water in the kettle, kettle on the stove, tea tins out of the cabinet; cups, honey, a spoon; the diffuser of a puppy with its paws curved in such a way that when he puts it on the edge of the cup it’ll hang there while the tea steeps.

After quiet minutes pass and the kettle whistles, Kakashi puts a cup of herbal tea in front of him, the puppy diffuser facing Iruka. He slides the honey closer in case he wants some, but he specifically wants it weak. Iruka takes the diffuser out of the tea a minute later, as Kakashi is placing a plate of crackers on the table within easy reach.

“Not hungry,” Iruka says, cupping his fingers around the tea and inhaling the light floral scent.

“That’s the medication talking,” Kakashi points out. “You should eat. Even just two bites.”

Iruka takes a cracker and nibbles at it. He lifts his head enough to take a sip of tea.

“Love, I… I know I should wait.”

“Kakashi?”

“But I need to know,” Kakashi reaches across the table to link their fingers together. “When you were… dreaming.”

Iruka goes pale, and Kakashi knows.

“It wasn’t Sato, was it?”

His voice is small and reserved. “No. No it wasn’t.”

“And Tsunade-sama said you had received correspondence from Mizuki. Before I came home.”

“I did. Rikona-sensei made it look like it came from the prison, but it wasn’t.”

“But it was his words, and his handwriting.”

“Yes.”

“And you… you hid it from me. You lied to me.”

“I… yes. I did. Kakashi—”

“Why?” He’s trying so hard to keep his voice from going cold, but the anger is rising and Iruka needs to have a good reason, please, gods let him have a good reason.

Iruka puts his head back down on his arms. He looks so tired. He should have waited, but he needs to know. “Tomi-sensei said it’s a thing that… that the abused tend to do.”

Kakashi’s heart stops. Iruka’s never… never referred to Mizuki as abusive, never let Kakashi say it either. He waits for Iruka to continue, and continue he does.

“It’s an ingrained habit; a learned behavior. One that I never… I never unlearned,” Iruka sighs lightly. “The habit to protect him. To shrug off his behavior. To try and… and explain it away, even if only to myself.”

“You were protecting—”

“You’ve expressed a constant desire to kill him. In that exact moment, yes, all I could think about was how do I keep one lover from killing the previous one. That he used to… to—”

Iruka stumbles to his feet and trips over himself to the sink, braces his arms on the counter, and breathes harshly. “He-he… oh gods, I fucking let him do this to me and—”

“Iruka, deep breaths,” Kakashi comes up behind him and places his hand on Iruka’s belly. “Push my hand out, that’s it. Deeper, slower now. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the time for this conversation—”

“He raped me. He used to even wh-when Naruto was in the next room,” Iruka cries. “He threatened to hurt Naruto, and I gave him myself instead. I gave him everything! And he still. He still. Gods, Kakashi, I killed him. He’s gone. Why don’t I feel… I don’t know, lighter?”

“You still killed, Iruka,” Kakashi says. He keeps his tone low, soothing, pressing his chest along the length of Iruka’s back, stroking Iruka’s belly through his shirt. “You killed him, but you… you loved him, once. That. That’s going to hurt.”

It hurts to say it out loud. That Iruka had once loved that bastard. But, gods, it’s true, isn’t it.

“I wanted to protect him,” Iruka sniffles. “I never wanted you to… I didn’t think it would get this bad. I thought I just needed to sleep it off, that once I got some sleep, I could burn the note and everything would just. Be okay. And then the second letter came—”

“The one Rikona forged, the request.” Kakashi barely held back the growl.

Iruka nods. Kakashi can feel his stomach clench under his palm; he nudges Iruka just a little further over the sink. “And I just. I was slipping. So I went to see her, because it seemed like the thing to do. Because she was supposed to be part of my support system. Because you were already leaving again for another mission and I didn’t want to bother you—”

“You are never a bother, Love,” Kakashi kisses his cheek.

“I just wanted to know how he found me. I didn’t want him dead. I didn’t want to kill him,” Iruka cries harder, tears dripping into the sink. “Gods, Kakashi, I never wanted him dead. He betrayed the village, he hurt Naruto, he—he deserved to live with what he’d done.”

“I know,” Kakashi says; he doesn’t understand, but he knows that that’s Iruka’s position.

“But he leveled that kunai at you and I—I was so far under if it had been anyone else I probably wouldn’t have come back.” Iruka wipes at his face with the back of his hand, takes in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for lying. I was going to tell you. I just needed to sleep, first.”

“I would have investigated it for you.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to,” Iruka shakes his head. “I just wanted you to stay with me. I meant what I said in Rikona’s office. I need you as that steady, sturdy place I can fall when life goes to shit.”

“Still. Iruka, I just wanted to help.”

“You would have tried to kill him.”

Kakashi says nothing to that.

“I couldn’t… can’t. I don’t know—” Iruka shivers against him, and Kakashi hugs him close and rocks them back and forth gently. His hands come up and hold onto Kakashi’s arms, and Kakashi buries his face in Iruka’s neck. “I remember,” Iruka starts slowly, “when we were teenagers, my jōnin-sensei asked about the bruises on my neck, my wrists, m-my hips, once when we went to an onsen. And I remember telling her that my boyfriend and I just like it rough. And she was. She was so upset.”

“There were many people who were aware of what was happening,” Kakashi says slowly, “but we couldn’t do anything unless you spoke up, or we caught him in the act. And your apartment was always perfectly sealed.”

Iruka freezes. “You. You knew?”

“I was never on those squads,” Kakashi says, now leading Iruka by the hands to the living room, so they could sit back down. “I only heard about it from Sandaime, and from the ANBU locker room. The old man had squads watching over you on nights Mizuki would stay over.”

“How many… how many people know?”

“Iruka.”

“How many?”

“There were only ever the two squads, that I knew about,” Kakashi sighs, bringing Iruka to sit on the couch. “Of those, half are dead. Two are retired. The other two are still active. They were usually really good about only talking about it when they were alone, but I walked in on their conversations a few times. I’m sure others did, too.”

Iruka leans his head in his palms, his elbows on his knees.

Kakashi rubs his back. “Love, I had an idea of what I was getting into. And I decided that you were worth it anyway.”

Iruka makes a soft, keening sound. “Sap.”

“I keep choosing you, every day, after every trial we go through. And I fully intend to keep choosing you for a long time.”

“Oh gods, Kakashi, you can’t just say that.”

“I forgive you for lying,” Kakashi says, shifting closer and nuzzling Iruka’s hair. “Just don’t ever keep stuff like that from me again, please.”

Iruka leans into him, removing his hands from his face. He looks up at Kakashi and those eyes are glistening with tears still unshed and it hurts Kakashi’s heart to see him cry, so he carefully brushes the tears back and strokes his fingers down the side of Iruka’s face. And… it’s been long enough, hasn’t it?

“Gods, Iruka,” Kakashi murmurs, “You…”

He smiles softly and the room warms and Kakashi’s breath hitches.

“Me?” Iruka asks.

Kakashi pulls Iruka up to lay on his chest, holding him close. He pushes Iruka’s bangs back—they’d fallen out of the low tie at the back of his neck. It’s been two months, and he knows that he could fuck this up if he’s not really ready for this, but gorgeous and striking and handsome just don’t cut it and he needs—he needs—

“You’re so beautiful,” Kakashi whispers.

And his heart picks up, but Iruka stays in front of him and even grips him tighter.

Part of the therapy schedule includes a couple’s therapy session and Kakashi hates it, but for Iruka he goes. And once he’s there he just… zones out.

He watches the window; the trees waving in the wind outside. He holds Iruka’s hand and lets him talk and field all the questions and when their hour is up he stands and follows Iruka out. Iruka doesn’t seem upset at his lack of desire to participate, just… resigned.

It happens twice.

The third time, Kakashi tries. He pays attention.

The therapist—Osamu-sensei—asks if they’ve decorated the upstairs, what is to be Naruto’s room when he returns from training with Jiraiya. Iruka looks embarrassed for a moment, like he doesn’t want to answer.

“We’re waiting for Naruto to come home,” Kakashi says, “so he can pick out his own furnishings.”

It startles both Iruka and Osamu-sensei, but the therapist brightens up immediately. “You think of Iruka-sensei’s house as home, too, then?”

“I… well, I think of Iruka as home,” Kakashi admits. This is therapy. If he can’t admit it here, then where?

Iruka blushes a deep red, so very fetching with his eyes.

“And, Iruka-sensei, your response?”

“That’s. Um. Honestly, I just hadn’t had the time. It’s only been about a month since I moved and we’ve not heard from Naruto in… a while. So. I figure we have time.”

Osamu-sensei nods. “Looking at the future, then. Both of you.” He makes a scribble. “I’m very happy you’ve joined the conversation, Kakashi-san.”

“Maa… it’s to help Iruka, so,” he shrugs, and he hopes it comes off as nonchalant.

“Even if that’s your motivation, we’re glad to have you.”

The session goes by faster after that.

And Iruka’s happier when they get home, so much happier. Three weeks on the medication and he’s adjusted to most of the side-effects, even if the full effect of the mood stabilizers won’t occur for another two or three weeks. They get inside and strip off vests, wrappings, hitai-ate, sandals—and once they’re down to their uniform blacks Iruka takes his hands and leads him to the bedroom.

“Can I—?”

“Are you ready for this?” Kakashi interrupts him, stopping them just in the doorway.

Iruka presses his palms to Kakashi’s chest and grins. “Are you going to let a dead man stop me from stripping for you?”

Kakashi groans. “I’m trying to be a good person. I’m trying. So hard. To be what you need to recover.”

Iruka backs up into the bedroom, pulling his shirt up and over his head. He throws the shirt at Kakashi's face and says, “Yes, I know. So, so hard.”

Kakashi catches the shirt and pulls it away, to watch as Iruka continues by unbuttoning his trousers and slowly lowering the zip. His mouth goes dry.

“Kakashi, I want you,” Iruka says, shimmying out of his trousers, kicking them aside, and then he’s standing in front of the bed—their bed, in all but name, gods—in his boxers and sticking his thumbs in the elastic and pulling down, down, down…

“Iruka. Please. Please don’t tease—”

“Who said I’m teasing? Don’t you want me, too?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“Then why are you still in the doorway?”

He’s not, not for long. He tears his own shirt off over his head as he stalks forward, tossing it carelessly aside and then reaching for Iruka, Iruka, bare and bronze and warm, and skimming his fingertips over chest, waist, arms, abs—

“Kakashi, please,” Iruka whimpers, his own arms coming up and encircling his neck.

“Ask. Whatever you want, Love, it’s yours,” he murmurs.

“Kiss me.”

He does, oh he does. Kakashi catches Iruka’s lips in his teeth and moves their mouths together gently to find a rhythm of kisses and licking and breathing, designed to overwhelm Iruka with sensation and keep him here. The most precious sounds escape his throat, soft moans and sighs as he trails his hands over Kakashi’s shoulders and down his chest. Kakashi reaches down with both hands and cups Iruka’s ass, groaning deep in his chest as he squeezes each cheek.

“Hold on,” he mutters against Iruka’s lips. His arms tighten around his neck, and then Kakashi lifts Iruka, his weight full in his hands and the plush warmth of his ass spilling from between his fingers. Iruka swings his legs around Kakashi’s waist and Kakashi groans into their kiss to feel the flex and stretch of muscle under his palms. He steps closer to the bed, turns, and sits down with Iruka on his lap.

They’re both hard. He needs to remove layers. Shit, he should have taken his trousers off first.

Iruka’s still kissing him, fingers in his hair and teeth biting at his mouth; his hips, at the same time, are rocking slowly across his thighs and he’s driving Kakashi crazy. He shifts back along the bedspread, keeping Iruka attached to him at the hips. And then Iruka puts a hand in the center of his chest and gently pushes, and Kakashi falls first to his elbows, and then all the way to his back.

He grabs Iruka’s hips, flexes his own, and shifts them fully onto the bed. Iruka groans at the movement, bracing his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders. He looms over Kakashi, and smiles down at him.

It’s perfect.

Iruka grinds back against Kakashi’s cock and it’s heaven and hell at the same time. “Love you,” Kakashi rambles breathlessly. “Fucking sexy, riding me like this, gods Iruka you look perfect—love you, love you, love you.”

“Kakashi—oh—”

He bites his lip and tosses his head back, frotting faster and harder and Kakashi gets his hands back on where they belong, pulls him closer and tighter and relishes the loud moan he receives.

“Gods among us, Iruka, your ass—”

He plants his feet and grinds, holding Iruka against him all the while. The pressure, the friction, the heat; it’s maddening. He’s panting, desperate for a good breath and unable to take one.

“K’shi, I—ahh, yes, fuck—wanna… want, oh-oh—”

“Whatever you want. Take it. It’s yours.”

Iruka leans down and kisses him again, slowing their hips to a more gentle frot and tweaking one of his nipples. Kakashi groans and lets himself be devoured, panting into Iruka’s mouth while their tongues slip and slide together. Iruka’s kisses slow to a simmer, both of them gasping and touching and still slowly grinding.

Iruka licks their lips; laughs lightly; and says, “I want. I wanna ask for something. A-and it just—I don’t like asking because it always feels like a bad idea at the time, like if I want it, there’s no way you also could want it… y’know?”

“Iruka. Love. Please ask. The last time you had one of these so-called ‘bad ideas’ it turned into one of my favorite things you do for me.”

It helps immensely that Iruka also enjoys warming Kakashi’s cock.

Iruka flushes dark and holds himself up on his palms, braced on the pillow to either side of Kakashi’s ears. His boxers have a damp spot, one that Kakashi can feel against his belly as Iruka continues to slowly rock his hips back and forth over Kakashi’s own erection.

“Okay. Um.” Iruka’s eyes shut tight, and Kakashi grins. Whatever he’s going to ask, he’s sure to enjoy it. “Well, so I was. Thinking. About things I never did with… anyway. And during a break from him, there was this one guy—”

“Love?”

“Gods, okay. Um.” He takes a deep breath and spits it out at once: “Haveyouevereatenass??”

Kakashi blinks.

Stares.

His heart skips. Multiple times.

“Kakashi?” Iruka’s voice is small. He looks away—no, wait, come back—“I didn’t think it would—”

“You would. I… could?” Kakashi takes in a loud breath and lets it go shakily. “Oh gods. Yes. Now? Can we do that now? Please. Please, fuck, sit on my face; if I die, I die smothered by the best ass ever. Let me; oh shit, Iruka—”

He laughs nervously. “Kakashi, okay, just. Let me go take a shower first, yeah?”

Kakashi groans. “Nooo,” he squeezes Iruka’s ass—the same ass he’s going to fucking devour oh fuck—“Now.”

“You whine worse than my pre-genin.” Iruka lifts himself off of Kakashi, stands next to the bed and stretches; his boxers fall just a little lower and Kakashi’s eyes focus on the trail of hair from his navel disappearing under the elastic. His mouth is horribly dry. Iruka grins down at him. “Would you like to come in the shower with me?”

Kakashi shakes his head. “I can’t. You. Wet. Fingering yourself. Nope. Can’t do it.”

Iruka laughs outright and leans back over and kisses him softly. “Alright. I’ll be right back.”

I’ll be here. Kakashi picks his head up just enough to watch Iruka go, biting his lip at the subtle sway of his hips; he knows what he’s doing, that minx.

Iruka leans against the wall beside the bedroom door, a towel around his waist and his hair damp and loose around his shoulders. He is trying desperately to pull himself together. He knew going into this that Kakashi was either going to be grossed out or ecstatic. Himself? He’s excited, but just as he had been the first time they tried something… new, he is worried.

Triggers could happen regardless.

He heaves deep breaths, his shoulders moving with the force of them.

Three. Two. One.

He turns and goes inside. The door creaks softly under his palm and his eyes widen at the sight of Kakashi, spread out on his bed, idly stroking his cock with a loose fist. Both eyes are closed and his head is turned to the side, showing off the elegant curve of his neck. He’s flushed to his chest, panting lightly; his other hand is busy with his nipple, tweaking and pinching it to an inflamed pink.

“Oh, Kakashi,” Iruka groans. “How long. What. Fuck.”

“Very… hmm, articulate, Love.”

Iruka huffs a laugh, and crosses the room to stand beside the bed. Kakashi doesn’t stop touching himself; but he does open his eye.

“You. You look gorgeous,” Iruka says, skimming his fingertips along Kakashi’s abdomen, dipping a fingertip in his navel.

“And you need to sit on my face.”

Iruka feels his face heat up fast. “I-I never said I would do that.”

“Let me die a happy man, please.”

“Kakashi.”

He laughs, stops fondling himself, and rolls up to sit on the edge of the bed. Reaching out for Iruka, he pulls him closer with gentle tugs on his towel, and then buries his face in Iruka’s chest, kissing and licking every bit of skin he can reach without shifting his head too much. He wraps his arms around Iruka’s waist and holds him close, and Iruka moans at the attention and cards his fingers through Kakashi’s hair.

“Want you. Want to taste you. Want you writhing on my tongue,” Kakashi murmurs into his chest, still kissing and nipping him. He latches onto a nipple for a second; Iruka cries out softly, presses his chest further into Kakashi’s mouth. “Please. Please. Want to make you … shit. Fuck. Iruka. I need—”

“S-say it.”

Kakashi looks up at him, awe clear in his face. Iruka strokes the back of his fingers down Kakashi’s cheek. “It’s. I’m okay.” Deep breath. “Make me feel good, Love.”

He couldn’t have anticipated the deep groan, one that sounded almost painful; nor does he expect to be flipped around and bent over the bed with the soft thud of Kakashi’s knees hitting the floor behind him. Strong hands tug at his towel and then he’s naked, ass-out in front of his partner, and that same painful groan comes from behind him.

Kakashi presses one hand on the small of his back, and with the other starts petting the globe of his ass. “One tap means yes,” Kakashi mutters.

Oh.

He can feel his breath on—

Ohhh…

“T-two for no. Please, Kakashi.”

“Tell me to stop.”

“Wh-what?”

“Say the word, show me you can say it if you need to, please,” Kakashi says quickly.

Iruka buries his face in his arms, groaning. He whispers the word, ��Stop,” and waits for Kakashi’s next insane request.

“Thank the gods. Can I. Please. Oh. Now, now, I want—”

“Kakashi, stop talking a—Ahhh!!!”

The first touch of Kakashi’s soft, wet tongue to his hole collapses Iruka fully onto the bed. He spreads his legs slightly and arches his back. Kakashi’s hand slips to the other side of his ass, groping and petting down to his thigh and back up again. Iruka writhes, his cock trapped between his stomach and the sheets and the friction is nice but Kakashi licking him in broad, slow strokes is maddening. He pants into the cradle of his arms as Kakashi begins delicately thumbing at his hole in opposition with his tongue—lick, press, lick, press—and then the very tip of his tongue slides into him and the sound that escapes Iruka is unhinged.

“More. More, please!”

Kakashi takes his hips in hand and noses his way in-between Iruka’s cheeks, mouthing and slurping away. His chin is already on its way to being soaked with spit, but then so is Iruka’s ass and, well, if he didn’t like it he’d say so.

His breath is coming fast, his pulse beating faster. He can feel it throbbing in his neck, the need for air, to slow down and relax, but oh Iruka’s making such wonderful noises and grinding back against his face. It’s glorious. What’s better is when he writhes away from Kakashi—he can infer from that motion alone that Iruka’s hard and likely aching.

Not unlike himself. But this isn’t about him.

This is about Iruka.

This is about Kakashi getting to suffocate himself in the Best Ass In Konoha, and yeah, he’s getting lightheaded from being down for so long but he’s messily kissing Iruka’s hole and slowly easing his way to getting his tongue inside and who gives a fuck about silly things like breathing when he has ass to eat?

“Oh gods, oh fuck, yes—Ahh—so g-good, Kakashi—!”

His eye rolls back, fuck, Iruka doesn’t get vocal in bed. Ever. But this—if this is what gets him going, Kakashi will eat him out every fucking day for the rest of their lives. He’s even using that damn trigger word; stuttering on it but still.

He deserves a reward.

Kakashi spreads Iruka’s ass, takes just a half second to catch his breath, and then dives back in. This time, he’s merciless with his tongue, licking fast and not caring how loud they’re getting. They have a house now; who cares about noise complaints. And when Iruka’s writhing shifts his legs just that little bit wider, Kakashi hums against his hole and shoves his tongue into Iruka as far as he can.

“Kakashi!”

He thumbs at his rim with both hands, stretching his hole while he licks him inside. So good, so good, Iruka, fucking perfect—

“I—I need. Kakashi. Please. Just. A minute. Please.”

He pulls back, frowning. “I’m sorry. Too much?”

Iruka’s panting like he just sprinted from fucking Suna. “No. Gods, no. It’s. You’re doing. It’s amazing. I just,” he chuckles, a hint of self-deprecation in the tone. “M-my knees are gonna give out, if you keep that up.”

Kakashi gently pushes on his thighs. “Then get on the bed. Chest down, ass up. Believe me, I don’t want to be done with you yet.”

Iruka’s face is flushed, down his neck and up to his ears. It’s such a sweet image. But he climbs up anyway, hugging a pillow to his chest and arching his back—

If Iruka can say his trigger word during sex. Kakashi… he can do it too.

He palms Iruka’s ass, shiny with spit and rim puffy pink where he’s been laving attention. The sensual curve of his back, his hair tossed over one shoulder so Kakashi can see the side of his face and neck, the sturdy muscular thighs supporting each perfectly perk check; Iruka’s still moaning, whimpering, waiting for him to continue.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Kakashi says reverently, and dips his head once again.

This time, he lets his hands explore—he smooths up Iruka’s sides, skipping over each rib; he lightly taps at Iruka’s chest enough that he picks himself up to his elbows, the perfect amount of room for Kakashi to slip his fingers underneath him to tweak and pinch at his nipples; one hand stays, the other comes back down Iruka’s spine, lovingly touching each vertebrae and hovering protectively over the fūma shuriken scar for a moment before moving on. He slips his thumb back beside his tongue, holding Iruka open so he can better love on his hole.

All the while, Iruka’s hips are grinding against his face, rocking back onto Kakashi’s tongue, and he’s blessed to have such a responsive partner but the movement makes eating his ass so, so hard.

So with both hands he grabs Iruka’s hips and holds him tight and murmurs into his hole, “Stay still, so I can pleasure you.”

And Iruka.

Iruka whines.

“Please,” he whispers. “Please keep talking.”

Kakashi, given the requests both to feast on the Best Ass In Konoha and to run his mouth during sex, obliges the best he can.

“Love you, love your ass, oh gods,” he stops to lick broad strokes again, panting and aching. “Want. Wanted to. Oh, Iruka. Wanted to make you feel good since the first time we—” He hums deep in his throat, mouth sealed against Iruka’s hole and tongue flicking. “First. Time we fell into bed together. And now.” Lick, press, lick, press, lick, press; his thumb slides in easily to the first knuckle and it’s warm and wet and Iruka.

“Kakashi I’m. I’m. Oh, keep going. Please. Keep talking.”

“Now you’re letting me. Fuck.” His tongue rejoins his thumb. He pants against Iruka’s hole, watching it clench and pucker and—“Gods, Iruka, I get to touch you; you have no idea how lucky I am.”

“I—more. Little more. Please. Just. Oh-oh-ohh.”

Kakashi blows cool air over Iruka’s ass, and then seals his mouth and tongues Iruka relentlessly. The noises coming from the pillows are unholy and filthy and just drives Kakashi to tongue him harder.

“Kakashi!!!”

He feels Iruka tighten, a vice on his tongue, and he holds Iruka still though his hips want so clearly to thrust and grind down into the sheets. He hears soft splashes outside of his headspace, and Iruka’s cries of Ohh and K’shi and fuck yes. Kakashi keeps flicking his tongue and mouthing at Iruka’s hole until he hears a deep, blissful sigh, and then he pulls back and rests his forehead on the swell of Iruka’s ass.

“You.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I made you—?”

“Yes.”

“Please,” he says, instantly grabbing his long-neglected cock and pumping fast and hard. “Please, I. I wanna come on you. I did good, right? Please. Let me. Oh gods. Iruka. Want to—fuck. Please-please-please—”

“Yeah?” Iruka asks, and he drawls, almost sleepily, but he’s looking back over his shoulder and smiling and he arches his back ever so slightly. “You wanna come on my ass, My Love?”

“Please.”

“Get me even wetter? I’ll need another shower after you’re done covering my ass with your come.”

“Iruka, please!”

“I love you, my Kakashi.”

He can’t. He can’t hold back anymore. With one trembling hand he spreads Iruka’s cheeks again and with the other he jerks himself furiously. A split-second decision has him opening his sharingan to watch as he comes in harsh spurts right on Iruka’s pretty pink hole.

Best ass in Konoha? Painted with his come? He could die a happy man just from this image. Even if Iruka won’t sit on his face. And with the sharingan, the image will always be with him.

He collapses next to Iruka, closes both eyes, and pulls his lover to his chest. They’ll need to get cleaned up. They’ll need to change the sheets.

Right now, Iruka tucks himself against Kakashi, their foreheads together; Iruka looks like he desperately wants to kiss him, but remembers where his mouth had been at the last second. He kisses Kakashi’s cheek and jaw instead. They both laugh.

“I love you,” Kakashi says.

Iruka’s laugh turns into a giggle. “And my ass?”

“I would love you even if you didn’t have such a fantastic ass,” Kakashi hums. “Thankfully, however, that is not our reality.”

“That was…”

“Yeah?”

Iruka sighs happily. “Wow.”

Kakashi kisses his forehead. “Blissed you out, huh?”

“Shhh,” Iruka clutches him closer. “Afterglow.”

Kakashi holds him tighter and catches his breath.

#whumpmasinjuly #Hope #umino iruka #hatake kakashi #kakairu #my writing #writeblr

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lovejustforaday · 3 years

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Album Review - Citrus by Asobi Seksu

Citrus - Asobi Seksu

Main Genres: Shoegaze, Dream Pop, Indie Pop

A decent sampling of: Twee Pop, Neo-Psychedelia, Noise Pop

In the conversation of greatest shoegaze and dream pop bands of all time, you usually hear a lot of the same names: My Bloody Valentine, Cocteau Twins, Ride, Slowdive, Beach House, or maybe even Mazzy Star. But one name that doesn’t get mentioned nearly as often as it should is Asobi Seksu.

Asobi Seksu were an American indie rock band consisting of songwriting duo Yuki Chikudate on vocals and keyboards, and James Hanna as lead guitarist, with a rotating rhythm section that changed from LP to LP. Critics never really gave them a fair chance, but to me they are the finest band to lead the wave of “nu-gaze” that took place over the mid-to-late 2000s.

While a lot of new shoegaze bands today are made up of younger millennials and zoomers who are very traditionalist in recreating the sounds of the original scene, the 2000s “nu-gaze” “““revival””” saw a lot of bands who wanted to expand the genre’s scope. “Nu-Gaze” bands usually fell into one of two cluster groups:

Cluster A was made up of bands incorporating prominent electronic elements to expand on the soundscapes of the original scene. Cluster B bands were making riff-heavy alternative rock that blended shoegaze guitar tones and walls of sound with clearer vocals and more distinct melodic structures, building more on the foundations of bands like Ride or Lush than the likes of MBV.

Asobi Seksu’s self-titled debut falls into the latter category, with a college-radio-esque record of mostly no-nonsense shoegaze and indie pop. It’s a pretty great record itself, but it wasn’t exactly career defining, and if it had ended there, I would say they were another above-average shoegaze band that I listen to mostly just cause they happen to make my favourite subgenre of music.

Something truly brilliant came after though. The band decided to embrace the more immersive dream pop + heavy shoegaze hybrid sound that defined most of the greatest bands of the original movement. But beyond that, the band retained their indie pop melodies and developed a vivacious, sanguine, high-energy formula that set them apart from a scene that had always mostly been defined by subtlety, introspection, and bittersweetness. The resulting album was Citrus.

True to its name, Citrus is a viscous smoothie concoction of saccharine and tangy flavours, expressed in the form of Yuki Chikudate’s frolicking vocal melodies and bright keyboard notes mixed with James Hanna’s roaring walls of sound. True to its cover art, the sonic colours of this record consist of vibrant shades of vermilion, tangerine, and daffodil. This LP is the sonic equivalent of the feeling you get from that first refreshing taste of ice cream on a hot summer’s day. A magnificently vivid experience all around.

A lot of shoegaze bands stick to very strict conventional rock instrumentation - drumkit, bass, and lots of guitars. Maybe an added string section on a song here or there for dramatic effect. But on Citrus, I hear not only the addition of Yuki’s keyboard leads, but also organs, xylophones, sleigh bells, and even toy pianos.

Citrus fades into view with “Everything Is On”, a 17 second ambient intro that sounds something like an arcade submerged in a swimming pool. Normally, I’m not particularly drawn to the trend of albums opening with these odd micro-tracks. This one instance really works however, because it contrasts ever so nicely with the bright, jangly opening guitars of “Strawberries“, the album’s proper introduction.

Speaking of, “Strawberries” is the sound of summer in full bloom, with a splendid pseudo-call-and-response riff that bounces like a yo-yo in between several intermissions of crushed shoegaze drone that feel not unlike dunking your head in a bucket of ice water. I love hearing what sounds like a rotary organ buried deep into the mix of those intermissions. The track ends brilliantly with a major tempo and rhythm shift into a rampant breakdown of manic rock instruments and festive celebration.

“Thursday” is the single greatest song of the 2000s “nu-gaze” revival, and indeed one of the very greatest indie rock songs of all time. A brief ghostly prelude foreshadows a blurry four minute burst of love and ecstasy, with one of the most pleasing choruses I’ve ever heard where Yuki offers the kindest words of concern “it seems you’ve lost your way, you’ve let it all fall apart”. This is the feeling of waking up at the end of a depressive episode and crying tears of joy as you gaze up at the sunny sky and realize that you're happy just to be alive. By the end of "Thursday”, I am completely smitten with the very notion of life itself.

The gentle strums of “Strings” open up into a sun-soaked daydream. Like on several other tracks here, Yuki uses English and Japanese interchangeably, allowing the sounds of her syllables to convey the necessary emotional imagery to non-bilingual listeners as she practically skips and hops her way through the song in an impressive display of vocal gymnastics. The wall of sound orchestrated at the end of this track is one of my all time favourites in the history of shoegaze and noise pop, like an enormous heatwave that hits you all at once.

The glorious midpoint and climax of Citrus is the seven and a half minute wonder “Red Sea”, a vision of a world that lies beyond the horizon while surfing the waves of a vast and foamy ocean. This track reaches monumental heights that I find particularly hard to put into words. What I will say is that this is second place to “Thursday” only by a small fraction, and it contains around the three minute mark one of the most captivatingly nostalgic melodies I’ve ever heard.

“Goodbye” is the sole occasion of a mostly straightforward indie pop song on this record, and its one of the sweetest breakup songs you’ll probably ever hear. “Lions and Tigers” is a distant meadow of dream pop that makes me feel like I’m a kid and I’m hugging my friend one last time before they move to another city. “Nefi + Girly” is like a follow-up to “Strawberries”, with another playful lead guitar riff and a dreamy keyboard lead that sounds like its splattering an empty canvas of indie rock with lively paint colours.

“Exotic Animal Parade” slows the record down for a brief melancholy ballad before exploding in a dream like it never even existed. “Mizu Asobi” emerges from the aftermath to finish off the record with one last beam of radiant joy before the festivities end with a bang.

As a footnote, I would like to add that, although they never count towards my final rating of a record, the bonus tracks/b-sides/etc. from the Citrus era are some of the best deep cuts ever released. Likewise, here’s some quick thoughts on those:

The band recorded two covers of two mid-20th century classics during this album cycle, including a twinkling, wistful haze rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “All Through The Day” as well as a giddy, fleeting noise pop cover of The Crystal’s “Then He Kissed Me”. Both are excellent examples of how to expand on their respective originals, reviving vintage pop classics with gorgeous soundscapes. There’s also the stand alone single “Stay Awake”, a sweeping end-of-chapter moment with some of the most excellent indie rock dynamics I’ve ever heard.

Like most people these days, Loveless was my first shoegaze record and my formal introduction to one of indie rock’s most elusive subgenres. It was good enough at the time to make me listen to a few more shoegaze bands, but Citrus was the record that made me fall in love with the genre medium. It was Citrus that allowed me to go back and fully appreciate Loveless as the masterpiece that it is, and later fall in love with other brilliant shoegaze records like Souvlaki and Ceres & Calypso In The Deep Time.

This album was also the unofficial soundtrack to most of my time as an undergrad. It played on my bus rides into the city and during walks around campus downtown on those last few days of exams before the summer. It helped me more than any other record to get through the worst year of mental health in my life. I am endlessly fond of this beautiful work of art, and I am truly grateful for how Asobi Seksu managed to expand my horizons. This will forever be one of my favourite records. Happy 15th anniversary Citrus.

10/10

highlights: “Thursday”, “Red Sea”, “Strawberries”, “Lions and Tigers”, “Strings”, “Goodbye”, “Nefi + Girly”, “Mizu Asobi”, “New Years”, “Everything Is On”, “Exotic Animal Parade”

#Asobi Seksu #Citrus #Shoegaze #Dream Pop #Indie Pop #Indie Rock #best music #best albums #favourite albums #favourite music #2006 #Yuki Chikudate #James Hanna #album review #music review #anniversary #summer

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