#THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY

[ravensofskyhold]

Ruoska 2nd verse analysis

Aka why there's a reference to a 20+ year-old sports scandal in this song that on the surface is about BDSM.

(Fuck you Kä for making me write a 1500+ word analysis on a reference in one verse of a song and also for forcing me to learn more about Lahti 2001 than I've ever wanted. /j)

Okay, I was already having thoughts about the second verse of Ruoska, which has lots of references to the doping controversy of FIS Nordic World Ski Championships held in Lahti in 2001 aka the biggest sports doping scandal in Finland. The MV gave new context for that part and made the use of the whole reference make a lot more sense to me, enough to develop those thoughts into a semi-coherent analysis (I'm not kidding about this being semi-coherent, I've spent most of the day writing this. You've been warned.).

This analysis does require me to talk about The Lahti 2001 doping scandal a lot. I’ve decided to focus on what I remember from the aftermath of it, especially the Finnish public opinion and reaction, as it is the most relevant part of it for this analysis. So if you’re not familiar with the topic, I recommend reading a short summary of the facts which can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FIS_Nordic_World_Ski_Championships_2001#Doping_controversy

In the MV, there’s this about 20s pause between the first chorus and the second verse, where the song just stops and people looking at their phones form a circle at the edges of the spotlight (where Käärijä and Erika are) and hate comments aimed at both of them are shown on screen.

After the pause, we get the second verse:

“Lunta on tullut tupaan niin paljon et tarvii sukset / Gotten so much snow in the house that I need skis

On luokkaa Kari-Pekka nää ahdistukset / At level with Kari-Pekka with these anxieties

Et taloyhtiössä on kosteudenmittaukset/ That the housing cooperative takes humidity measurements

Kun rappukäytävän portailla on hemon virtaukset/ When there's massive tides* on the stairs in the stairway”

[link/credits to the translation]

*added context to this line that gets lost in translation is that the substance flowing down the stairs in the stairway is called “hemo” in the original lyrics. Now, I’ve interpreted it to be either blood/hemoglobin or Hemohes (which is the brand(?) name of the banned blood plasma expander substance that people were caught using in the Lahti 2001 doping scandal. Either way, this detail is relevant enough for this analysis.

-----

The idiom "tulla lunta tupaan" (to get snow in the house/living room) means to get misfortune, but I think I've seen it also used to mean getting (excessive) adversity/criticism for something (wrong) you've done (from the public, usually).

There certainly is something fucked up and rather telling that from what I’ve seen, many of Finnish fans old enough to remember Lahti 2001 (me included) needed only to hear "skis" and "Kari-Pekka" to get the doping scandal reference. After all, this is a rather subtle (as in, only Kari-Pekka Kyrö’s, one of the head coaches of the ski team, first name is mentioned in the song!) reference to a scandal that happened over 20 years ago. But it also tells you how big of a deal that doping scandal was for Finns, especially since it happened in cross-country skiing aka one of our pride and joy sports, and how much (perceived) shame was involved on national level.

And oh boy, did that sense of national shame get projected back to the public opinion about the people involved in the scandal. The scandal did have massive and long-lasting repercussions on the careers and the reputations of the people involved in Finland, way beyond the official disqualifications and suspensions. These people went from being celebrated athletes and ski team members that everyone was proud of to being mostly, or even only, remembered for being caught using doping. Their past (and future) achievements suddenly didn’t either matter anymore or, thanks to the doping scandal, were regarded with suspicion.

There’s also a layer added to this by the media’s role and involvement in all this that I’m not going to get into here. Only thing from the media side I’m going to point out is that big part of kicking off this incident was the investigation and subsequent article by Helsingin Sanomat crime journalist that revealed damning evidence of the systematic use of doping substances in the Finnish ski team.

The point is, yes they did wrong, and yes they did deserve the (official) consequences to their careers and a hit in their public images, but everything else? The figurative lashing (pun intended) they got from the media and the public? The media and the public refusing to forget and move on from that incident years after the fact and in the process probably not letting them move on from it properly, either? Being remembered only for your mistakes? That was excessive, way out of proportion to what the crime in question was.

Bringing this back to the song, the MV, and the artists:

This reference, especially with the MV context just made me think of the topic of public opinion of celebs and how quickly it can turn against you, even if you’re currently seen as a “hero” of sorts, like Finland’s ski team was in 2001 or Käärijä is now.

It also made me think of how Finns often tend to be jealous of other people's success (the good ol’ belief that there’s a finite amount of luck/happiness in the world and so other people having luck/success is to blame if you don’t have it is still deeply ingrained in us even if we don’t realize it). Like, there are always people who hate someone more successful or famous than them simply because they are successful/famous.

Also, there's often a sense of schadenfreude involved from certain parts of the public when someone famous does something bad/wrong. Something that (in public perception) "justifies" the negative turn in the public opinion on that person, regardless of how bad/wrong the thing actually was and if the reaction is actually proportionate to it. And especially in famous people’s case, there are always people who are just waiting for them to misstep, to fall, just so they can go “see? I knew they were a bad person all along, that’s why I disliked them!”. Or hell, we’ve even seen people who are constantly waiting for the moment a famous person does something that can be twisted into a controversy, or even hounding them to do something or react to something in a way that paints them in a negative light.

Now, I don't think the hate comments seen in the MV are comparable to what happened after the doping scandal (nor that are they meant to be that), and I don’t claim to know what kinds of hate Käärijä and Erika get usually but I doubt that’s comparable either. But there are some noticeable, if much smaller scale, similarities to some controversies they’ve been a part of and the media/public reaction to those. Which does make the doping scandal an effective reference to use to get the point of (often excessive) negative reactions/comments to everything you do across.

So, when the hate comment pause happened in the MV and the second verse started, it felt like the missing puzzle pieces fitting into their places, and being able to see what the second verse is trying to say. Or my interpretation of it, anyway.

The first line is rather straightforward, mentioning getting enough "snow" (aka adversity/criticism/hate, not misfortune like I thought before) into their lives ("house" in the song) that they need equipment/tools ("skis") to help them wade through it, just to keep living their lives.

The line mentioning Kari-Pekka, and anxiety at the same level as his, is interesting. Because on the one hand, he did take the blame for the doping scandal and was, according to his own words, “the most hated man in Finland” at the time. On the other hand, he did get a lot of publicity and was offered a job as a crisis consultant to teach people how to lie believably, because he appeared so calm, collected, and confident in the media during the scandal. So, while on the surface this line is about having a lot of anxiety due to the hate they’re getting, well, the dude whose anxiety levels they’re likening their own to doesn’t seem (to appear) anxious at all despite shouldering most of the blame and hate for such a big scandal, does he? Hell, he got job opportunities thanks to how not-anxious he appeared in that situation.

And the following lines, I've interpreted to be about other people having to acknowledge the damage from those hate comments seeping into their own lives as well because, depending on what "hemo" is interpreted as, either the cause of that hate (hemohes) or a rather visible representation of the pain caused by the hate (blood) is flooding the stairway now. The pain or the cause of the hate others have let into their living spaces/lives is out in the public space now. And going by the next line “Ja mä tahdon jäädä siitä kiipeliin (kiipeliin)/ And I want to get in trouble for it (in trouble)” it’s happening they intentionally let it out into the public in the first place, because they want to get in trouble for it?

There’s something fascinating about that. About acknowledging that they’re getting hate anyway, so they might as well intentionally and publicly do things that people are going to send them hate for. But also acknowledging the hate they’re getting and making other people acknowledge it as well, refusing to keep it hidden and letting it rot only their own lives.

And then continuing that yeah, we’re getting whipped/hated on for everything we do, but

[esteljune]

Listen - [P x reader] short fic

Notes: A vague backstory of the reader is implied. LOADS of fluff!!! you might get cavities from reading. This is totally self indulgent. I'm very insecure about this fic and had it in my draft for so long now, but it's time to share. TW: mention of alcohol abuse and violence

It wasn't the first time you had wandered around the Hotel rooms. Everyone in Krat knew the legends that swirled around that building, and you were no exception to its mysterious and sinister charm.

In its gloomy and solemn reality, the hours passed slowly. Despite the cordiality of its few inhabitants, you often felt like an outsider, alone, light-years away from that intricate and luxurious microcosm.

So you filled the voids by exploring, perhaps also to escape the inevitable questions of those who would have wanted to get to know you better. That's why, when you had finally inadvertently stuck your nose in Geppetto's study, the man's invitation to come in had caught you by surprise.

You hadn't said much to each other. Nothing in truth. He had remained silent, behind the heavy cherry wood desk, studying your interest in his work.

The more you looked, the more his talent seemed incredible to you. The elegance of those designs was undeniable, and even more so their execution. On the simple workbench at the far end of the room, a golden glow caught your full attention.

"This... is his heart, right?" you said, approaching him cautiously from behind.

"In a way. The P-Organ." he explained with undisguised pride, as your eyes traced the soft and elegant lines of the model.

Before you could realize it, a bitter grin had escaped your lips.

"Is this amusing to you?" he retorted, keeping his composure, but his face betrayed a certain tension.

"No, no, it's not that. It's just that, you know, I may not have your talent or your extraordinary ingenuity, but my father was a violent man, he drank, and as a result he was a pathological liar. So I know a liar when I see one."

You were challenging him, you were aware of it. The reason was not entirely clear to you, but it certainly had something to do with your connection to his creation.

"That boy, you call him son... You're lying. I just don't understand why." The man looked at you, more intensely than you had ever been scrutinized before.

A tight smile beneath his neatly trimmed gray mustache. His watery blue eyes, however, betrayed an unknown feeling. You didn't recognize its exact nature, but you suddenly felt vulnerable, exposed, violated.

That man, if he had the opportunity or the means, would have done harm. Perhaps he had already done so.

The thought made you shiver. You tried to hide the discomfort lodged in the back of your throat by returning his smile. You didn't trust him.

Your fingers brushed the steel surface of the heart on display on the pedestal, cold, distant, motionless. Despite its apparent fragility, you knew what it was capable of. You had felt it.

It had suddenly seemed to you an intolerable injustice, a cruel mockery of reality.

He who that heart belonged to was no longer just a mere exercise of craftsmanship. Not anymore. He felt.

"You created something so human that it has a heartbeat. And yet..."

The thud of the double inlaid wood door had shaken you. In the darkened crack, a flash of blue eyes and the now familiar mop of dark hair. The boy entered more silently than his heavy and eternal body would have suggested.

"Son. Come."

He was greeted by the man's voice at the desk, a note of tension hidden in the paternal tone.

He approached with slow, measured steps, and a shiver ran down your spine. It wasn't fear, but something deeper, a connection, perhaps. He held his eyes on you for a handful of your breaths, nothing more.

You had been about to retreat. You didn't want to witness whatever they would say, any orders given. You owed him your life, it would be too painful.

"Our guest was just talking about you. My son, my most precious creation. Come, see for yourself."

The invitation had taken you by surprise, as the creator accompanied Pinocchio to the upholstered armchair at the side of the room. The boy sat down without protest, impassive, while Geppetto bent down to his white chest between the folds of his shirt.

A wave of repulsion rose up in your throat uncontrollably. You would have wanted to see him rebel, not allow that unknown liar to violate him in that way, but he remained still, his head down, as his fingers intruded on his skin, opening a small hatch that exposed his metal heart.

You pushed back the tears that stung your throat, but your cheeks were burning with indignation.

The man looked at you, again more intensely than you would have expected. He seemed to grasp your refusal, but he prepared to mock it with a smile of benevolent compassion, as he would have done with a child in the throes of a tantrum.

"No harm done. Son, I beg you to escort our guest out of my room, I have matters to attend to elsewhere."

The boy limited himself to nodding, his heavy steel hand already gripping the inlaid armrest to lift the weight of his slender body. Curiously, he waited for his father to walk away with slow steps towards the double dark wood doors before approaching you.

You smiled, instinctively, when the clear blue eyes of him met yours in the silence of the room.

You knew he wouldn't say a word, but you had learned to appreciate his quiet, towering presence over you.

You felt the heat of anger leave your face, your breathing slowed as you waited for him to accompany you. Instead, he remained still, his irises suddenly darting away, to that chair he had abandoned just moments before.

You felt an uncontrollable tenderness for him, something you had never felt before. It overflowed from parts of your soul that you didn't remember having after so much pain.

"I don't think you're so different from me. And to understand that, you have to know yourself. You can't do that if your father treats you that way. Here, listen." You blew out a smile, gently taking his heavy mechanical hand and placing it between the folds of his white shirt, at the center of his chest.

You watched his reaction, holding your breath, you realized it too late.

That unguarded thought shook you, when had you allowed yourself to feel anything like that for him?

As you watched him listen intently to the rare and irregular beating of his mechanical heart, you were almost on the verge of touching his cold face dotted with pale freckles, but you gave up. Then, suddenly, his watery blue irises locked onto yours, silently, but laden with a message that was almost desperate, an unknown warmth.

His pale lips moved just a little, empty, not a breath, but an unspoken request. At that point you understood.

"Do you want to feel my heart?" you smiled, your eyes soft on the delicate features of that young, achingly beautiful face. He nodded.

Without further thought, you took his cold fingers in yours again and placed them on your chest. You took a breath, then another, breathlessly.

Suddenly aware of those too-frequent beats that echoed in your ears, you felt your face flush. You had been foolish. His gaze seemed unbearable, you felt vulnerable, caught in the act of that most genuine feeling.

How long had it been happening? How long had his mere presence made your heart race?

You felt the tall boy's body approach, towering over you, almost impassively scrutinizing the reactions of your burning face. It was too late to back down now. You waited.

As your heart pounded under his fingers, Pinocchio avidly weighed every contour of your face, the watery languor that animated your eyes, the flush of redness that spread across your cheeks, the slightly faster breath that escaped your lips. That must be true beauty, he thought.

"Listen... it's my heart beating for you," you whispered then, softly.

Suddenly, he felt an unfamiliar warmth in his chest, something deep, visceral... human. He didn't know the words to describe it, but it was enough to guide his body. He felt a shiver run down your warm skin as he brushed against your face, your heart skipped a beat, your breath became more labored.

Pinocchio wanted more. He wanted to know, he wanted to feel, he wanted to experience. He wanted you. What was that spark in the depths of your irises? Why was your heart beating so desperately? Were you expecting something from him? No... not that, it was something more authentic, elusive, incalculable.

"If you hadn't found me that night, I don't know what would have happened to me. The truth is, I just wanted it all to end. Not to feel pain anymore. But now... you saved me."

Pinocchio felt those words sink so deep inside him that he thought they had carved into the metal. There was pain somewhere, a faint, sweet sadness.

Under the steel palm, pressed against the soft skin, the muffled vibration of your pulses was awakening something in him that was both terribly ancient and familiar at the same time. He wondered what he should do. The undeniable reason for which he had come into the world imposed on him to move away from you, but there was another part, more instinctive, obtuse, that desired everything from you, of your perfect humanity.

Not only that, he wanted you to see him, to want him in return. His fingers moved again instinctively, gently grasped your hand and from your chest led it to his. That silence inside him suddenly seemed unnatural, artificial, he would have wished for a more tangible proof of his emotion.

Instead, he let time pass, counted the beats, let them trace unexplored paths within himself.

Pinocchio listened to your heart for long minutes, a spark of awareness in his blue irises that you had never seen in him before. Although it was now clear that his presence was not indifferent to you, you were happy to have fulfilled his desire, whatever its purpose.

Those feelings, whatever they were, were and would remain one-sided. You knew that well. In another time, perhaps far from him, you would have been afraid of them. Not now.

You smiled at his beautiful, motionless, silent face.

"It's better if I go now."

Pinocchio let you go in silence, your bodies moving away as if they had never been close, but a curious tension remained in the air, an unfamiliar intimacy.

[hestiaember]

She'd had to step out of the wing, into a quiet side room to tap out frantic messages to Reina, digging for details. Her heart felt torn, between getting on a train immediately bound for Twelve to be with Ansel, whose injuries sounded grave-- passenger or cargo or whatever it may be, she'd live-- or to be with her son who had just endured the unthinkable, recovering just up the hall. She wished she could split herself into pieces for each of her children, to give them what they needed right now. She felt like she wanted to sob, scream, tear her own hear out, but it all got stuck in her chest, behind a stopper of numbness. She couldn't break down. Literally couldn't, her body wouldn't let her, numb with what felt like unending disbelief and grief. It all felt too big to be real, like a dream, and for a long while, she sat on a rubbery hospital chair, staring at the white wall across from her. There was a painting there, something abstract, blue and green. Probably chosen to be soothing to patients. By the time she remembered to move again, the arches and curves of each brushstroke were burned into her memory.

Hestia did not know how long had passed when she emerged again, but the detail of Peacekeepers were gone. Only two stood guard outside her son's room, and there was no protest this time when she entered. Slate needed her. He may not know about Twelve. This was the time in her life she'd felt the most fragile, most inhuman, and he needed her right now. So she worked her face into something she hoped came off as calming, neutral, like the painting, and stepped toward her child's bed. "Slate?" she called softly, not wanting to wake him if he was getting well-deserved rest, or if he wasn't, well... feeling particularly lucid. Sometimes tributes came out the other side with only a tenuous grasp of reality, and she didn't know what to expect. She could quash down the overwhelming urge to pull him into her arms until she knew it wouldn't cause him panic.

@slate-skylar

[spellbindingnights]

@utterxdesires

Oh, he was seething with rage. Declan had never felt this angry in his life, and the image of Cara's tears and bruises and trembles did not make any of it better. He had warned his parents about this, he had told them that Seamus was not a good option. The fact that she had been hiding this from him for such a long time did not make it any better.

He was seeing red, his whole body was trembling with fury. He had never felt like this before and Declan couldn't help but to feel more unstable than ever. He walked into the shop where he was, acting as if he hadn't been terrorizing and brutalizing his sister (and nephew) for years now. There was a bit of a crowd, but he had always been reckless.

"Hey, Declan, how you've be--" Seamus never finished the sentence because Declan's raging fist connected with his jaw. There were gasps and people started getting out of the shop as Declan grabbed the other man by the collar of his jacket and slammed him against the nearest wall. "Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?" He hissed, slamming his body once again against the wall. Seamus' attempts to defend himself were practically useless and even funny. "You think I don't know what you did to my sister?" After that, he dragged his body pushed him over the window shop.

The large glass shattered into thousand of little pieces and Seamus body landed on the bed of glass. Declan got out and straddled him before punching him again, and again, and again, and again. He grabbed him by the hair and slammed his face against the glass. It was brutal, but that's who he was: a brutal man. "Not so brave now, huh? If you ever hurt my sister again, I will make you eat all this glass, you hear me? Fucking waste of space" Declan punched him again, and again, and again. People were begging for him to stop, but he didn't listen. Well, not until he heard the police sirens.

After meditating it for less than a second, he decided to continue. If he had to go to jail for this, he'd go gladly. Unfortunately, he felt someone tugging from him, as in trying to get him away and, for the first time, instead of seeing red, he saw one of the prettiest faces he had ever seen.

[pippeebottom]

Confession but sometimes I feel like a bad baby… I’m so deep in the scene and really enjoy the fantasy but I’ve never really had the funds or privacy to enjoy my little time irl. Does that make me a bad little? I’ve only ever worn 2 or so diapers, and I don’t have any other abdl gear or anything

Plus, I’m always terrified of anyone irl finding out about me

i’ve only been actively wearing for about 8 months, so i might not be the best person to answer this but i relate to your feelings so much and i don’t think anyone deserves to feel bad for doing things they enjoy, so i’ll do my best to give you some coherent thoughts

especially being a part of this community, seeing all of these cuties around you seemingly living their best diapered lives, it can be really easy to get caught up in what being little should look like and feel bad for not living up to that. i can promise you i feel like that at least twice a week, but it’s helped me to be reminded and remind myself that what we see on tumblr is just a part of people’s life (and not always completely real, there’s a level of fantasy to a lot of it as well!)

there’s nothing wrong with not being able to afford fancy abdl items, even if the only thing you’re buying is diapers, it adds up and can be really costly! i’ve been lucky enough to have some pretty amazing people in my life gift me a lot of the stuff i have, but i also opt for cheaper options on things i can (like my sippies, bottles, utensils) i may not be the best person to tell you where you can/can’t cut corners but i also came onto tumblr with zero knowledge of how to actually practice abdl outside of a fantasy. i learned everything from reading posts on here, on reddit, from talking to other littles and doms, asking so so so many questions, and i never stop learning new things about this community, this kink and myself. it comes with a lot of mixed feelings and sometimes it can be frustrating but i always try to focus on the joy i experience when im able to regress

talking to people and being willing to experiment can help a lot, so can knowing when you need to take a step away from tumblr. if I’m scrolling and feel myself comparing my journey to everyone else i see and being upset with that, it’s time to take a step away from the screen and color a pretty picture or drink some strawberry milk or watch some carebears or pee your pants or whatever it is that makes you feel small and babyish. focus on that feeling, focus on the things you find in your life that make you smile and giggle and kick your feet in the air. your ability to find that despite all the stress and doom in the world surrounding you is what makes you a good baby, not how many onesies you have or how often you’re padded. and you are a good baby, you’re a good little.

as far as being afraid people irl will find out….yeah, its scary! its hard not to be afraid, but as long as you aren’t flashing it around to everyone, at least in my experience, most people won’t notice. and if there are people in your life that are really close to you that care about you, they might not mind!! don’t let that fear stop you from being happy. keep your chin up!! <3

[cometrose]

let me try to get all of my hunger game feelings down as quickly as possible

first of all, what a series it was so much better than i remember and i don't like 10 year olds should've been allowed to read this but i think for the most part all of the traumatic shit went over their heads

peeta my son, he has been reduced to a soft spoken bread boy over the years and i did not remember or realize how charming he was in the book gosh he is my babygirl and so sweet

in the first book he was an absolute treasure like the way he flirts with katniss the way he moves a crowd im in awe like i fucking love the interview scene in the first book and the movies do it such a disservice because his crush confession is so shocking that everybody kind of gasps like he has stolen this crowd at the show (im kind of sad cause caesar and peeta duo was so iconic naturally stars)

god katniss my dear i don't know where to start with her

i had no idea she was such a shitty narrator like if i didn't already know the entire plot i might have believed her crazy ass. Especially in the first book the girl is insane. peeta is living his terrible life with a crush while katniss is having a one sided enemies to lovers moment all in her fucking head. It is not until the train home that its like oh he was serious ofc you fucking walnut.

katniss is the star but everyone with eyes knows that if you take peeta away from her she'll breakdown and thats the cruelest part. I think if I was Snow i would've left katpee alone idk why put the spark back in the spotlight ya know?

the second book peeta was another beam of light god the baby line is so iconic and he deserved it malewife manslaughter manipulate he has done it all and did it flawlessly

and he’s still so sweet like trying to get katniss to leave him or backing off when he thinks she's with gale he always so respectful of her space

the fucking locket and pearl are very special to me like he knows and SHE KNOWS there is nothing left for him in 12 but she doesn't listen

there is so much warmth in him from painting rue's portrait for the gamemakers or offering gifts to district 11 like he didnt know thresh and rue but he knew how much it meant to katniss and how awful it was for them to die. Even him talking the morphling as they died just gently describing his paintings and rainbows was so precious

And I think about katniss and peeta were labeled as rebels for simply showing acts of kindness I like how he gets mad and that gentleness disappears but there is always a reason behind it, and him taking care of haymitch is just the sweetest he has attitude but so much warmth

then in MJ goodness its a lot first the torture and then risking it all to warn the rebels and then later like yes he tried to kill katniss but she overlooked it and so will i and hes so mean and cruel when he's out of his mind but can you blame him its not like he's lying??

the moments where that gentleness comes out again are so precious to me when he bakes annie and finnick's wedding cake when he talks sweet to delly its the little moments and how like every single book before he still wants katniss to live and he's crying and begging for death and digging his arms into his wrists to hold himself together

in the end he still wont let katniss die and the first thing he fucking does after getting out of wherever the fuck they stored him was to plant primroses in front of her house and i love him so much

he's really smart its just that no one tells him the fucking plan ever even though they all agree he's a great fucking actor

He knows he hold katniss back and he wants her to let him go but she wont and he wont let her go either and he gives her space to sort out her feelings like yes he loves her he always has and he has never tried to push her and he's just a kind person and i really really really that

At the end of the day i will always treasure a character who is simply a good person

Katniss has her moments of frustration but I don't think I can ever get mad at her because like peeta she is a genuinely good person.

Don't listen to her shitty inner monologue she doesn't have a fucking clue she is so empathetic and compassionate and caring she might not be outwardly sweet but she shows it with her actions, with rue, prim, peeta, everyone and everybody her kindness knows no bounds and she does it because she desperately wants to protect the people she loves

I think so much is lost from katniss' character into shitty ya dystopias of the 10s is that compassionate. She did not become a symbol of rebellion because she really wanted to she did it to protect the people she loves every act of rebellion was a show of love and compassion whether it is burying a little girl and singing her to her death or risking it all to help as many people as she can

peeta says it the best that she has no idea the affect she has on people and her crappy elder sister inner monologue shows that she thinks so little of herself and her ability that she undermines her skills and talents and natural charisma.

So much of her is survival “I want to the people i love to survive” and when innocent people die because of her when her friends fall to save her it hurts and hurts and she is buried under the weight of it all, burying the burden of a rebellion is not something that should be thrust upon a young girl trying to live

she's moody she's feisty but damn does she love deeply and passionately it just looks different.

THG is a very gross book there is no other way to describe everything is far uglier then you remember. The wolf mutts that look like tributes the tears the blood and pain its all so awful. Reading through the pain and the suffering and it does this really odd thing of making you smile in between the moments of terror. I love katniss' flashbacks through the book and how they reveal more and more of the story.

Katniss could have abandoned peeta and left him like he told her too multiple times but she wanted him to live she wanted that boy who gave her bread to survive and she knew if he died she would never recover it may not be the love we are thinking about but it was everything.

I don't think i will forget how awful cato's death is and how my eyes watered reading rue die again. THG is so good and making us despair you come out of that silly book hating nobody there is no tribute that i can afford to hate. The first book has a very unique vibe to it and i like it's style.

CF, catching fire is probably my favorite cause its the least traumatizing. I blame katniss and peeta for that because they are the cutest fucking thing in that stupid book. I argue that it might be a mix of love and codependency thrown in there but the cutest shit.

I totally forgot about the gale katniss love stint at the beginning so that was a total surprise.

I love the cast of catching fire i love them all i love finnick and mags and johanna and beetee and wiress and morphling 6 ( i dont like calling her that) i love the stylists and cinna and effie and i like themmmm. i like them all i love how the city and nation cries for their tributes and you see all of their friends and allies come together before the end begins.

That fucking force field has me smiling every time because its the moment where everybody but katniss realizes how much peeta means to her. The stupid pearl and the stupid locket make my heart hurt because peeta loves her so much and wants her to live and she doesn't care because she'll do anything and everything to keep him alive.

Watching them hold each other in the train, cry over force fields, drag each other through fog and water, hold each other in their arms after terrible jabberjays, even before when she was watching him bring her bread and paint in her home and katniss would stare at his eyelashes. Like she says it would be easy to let peeta go but she will never do that and she can't. Calling out for each other before she blows up the damn force field like fuck you all even if they didn't fall in love i know damn well they should've stayed together.

MJ is such a hollow book you just come out of it with emptiness like im not sad i wont cry but i feel a bit empty because you look at all the things you had and then its all gone, what was katniss fighting for? her sister, her mother, gale? and its all gone in and instant nothing remains, her friends her home the companions she made along the way and it hurts and hurts. You close the book and take a deep sign and just feel whatever is left to feel. Madge's death kind of hurt me she was the symbol behind the symbol and she is just gone. everybody is gone

Like there is nowhere to begin its falling in love even more with finnick and watching him disappear its falling in love with katniss' little camera crew and watching them disappear

its prim the light that started this just disappear and whats left NOTHING

there are so many moments where katniss wants to rip her head off but she can't because she doesn't have time there is no space there is no room its not until she if shipped back to her home all alone that she truly breaks down because she can. there is no more rebellion she has to be strong for there is no prim or mother she has to lead and she is stuck with all the weight all alone.

MJ just left me hollow like maybe if i read this years ago after CF came out i would’ve hand the sticky stuffy feeling i get in chest when i read bittersweet stories but i don’t know if this is sweet enough and it’s not bitter? it’s nothing just nothing is left

i love the parallels the book has with modern society like this is a death game where children have to fight to the death and everyone only paid attention to the love triangle and romance like they did in the games of the fact nobody cared a 16 year old girl would die in senseless violence until they realized she was pregnant like the baby suddenly makes her life valuable

simple acts of kindness labeled as rebellious and innocent children are forced to shoulder the weight of the world when they have no one left. there are so many moments where death would be the kindest thing to any of these characters because they had no hope but hope enters so when they die their death hurts like nothing else.

it tells a story of war and survival that seems so far away but so close. Katniss just wanted to live and the people she loved to live she never asked to become the face of a war but she does it and she stands strong until she can’t anymore i love her and i think her love and empathy has been lost over the years

if i were to talk about the romance okay it’s been years i knew peeta was going to win but seeing him again was so refreshing cause he is so charming and sweet and it makes my heart flutter. if katniss didn’t want him i’ll take him

i don’t hate gale, like his anger and rage caused prim’s death and you can argue having Coin in his ear and having to raise his family all by himself traumatized him so he believes it’s okay to sacrifice innocent lives (children and doctors mind you) for the greater good.

Both boys are rebels and they are good people deep down but peeta is motivated by kindness he does these things because it is the kind thing to do gale does these things because he’s angry for all he has to suffer. Both sides are justified in their feelings but it’s about katniss at the end of the day

there are many moments where katniss is taken back my gale’s cruelness and flame. She doesn’t need him to appeal to her anger to the rebellious aspect of her being. Peeta however appeals to the softer side of her soul the one that nurtures little girls who sings people to sleep he opens up the sweet side of katniss that she is positive doesn’t exist. She can be painfully romantic and she can tell everyone she doesn’t see the beauty in the world but she does she sees it every time.

There is more to katniss that fighting and hunting and i don’t think gale knew that. At the end of the day the only option was Peeta because he complimented the side of her that was buried by the weight of the world and i think that adds more meaning to her life than anything else

there are so many characters to talk about j loved ever second with haymitch and how he acts like he doesn’t care but every single tribute that has come after him has left a hole in his heart. My district 12 tributes are disasters but they truly care about each other probably every only people left in the world who would risk it all

[ephemeralgalaxies]

Just something about the Aurinko Crime Family learning to love themselves and each other, to trust one another. Something about them realizing they don't want to die. That they actually WANT to live. Not just for someone else this time, but because they actually want to live. To see things, do things, feel things.

Connect with people again, forge better bonds, heal past wounds. To look back only to see where you have been, that you are going somewhere new.

That surviving is the hard part, surviving is constant and painful and frustrating. But sometimes, "doing good" isn't easy. Sometimes it's really damn hard. It tears you apart, plagues your mind, begs you to turn around and give up.

That people... are just people. And they all have their own issues. They are cruel and precious, horrible and caring. Gone and... and yet still so very present. Like they'll never truly leave you, the memories always stored away just a bit more disorganized and scattered until you decide to go through the effort and sort some shit out.

Because you can't always help people, sometimes they need to do things themselves. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just let them know you're there, that you'll stick by them, never goin' anywhere.

That sometimes we can't truly trust our minds. But that doesn't make us worthless, useless, a burden. It makes us brave — for facing ourselves every day and still carrying on. Even when we can't love for ourselves, finding something or someone else until we find our own strength again.

Because we all do bad shit. Sometimes, really bad shit. And we may never forgive ourselves. We shouldn't have to. But that does not mean we cannot still do some good. We may never right our wrongs, but that does not mean we should stop for fear of inbalance. What mercy would that be?

That we must take care of ourselves, that we cannot help anyone if we are gone. That we can be weak and vulnerable and scared. We should be. We must be. For that will keep us alive. A legend is great, but legends are of the past. We are alive.

That maybe, just maybe, life hurts. It kicks us over and over and never seems to get enough of it. Because sometimes we'll put on a show and mask and watch the world cave around, bend to this smoke and mirrors. Because sometimes it's all we can do to protect ourselves. But... sometimes we simply don't need to. Sometimes we need to feel more, be honest — at least — with ourselves. Sometimes we don't need to let go. Sometimes we just need to be.

That something can be nothing, everything, anything. That family can be rocky. can be shit. That we're all just trying to figure ourselves out and how (long) we want to spend this life. If it's all really worth it.

And that's something no one can tell us but us. No one can force you towards healing, towards changing or confronting. Only to wait until you're ready.

We have to fight to live. We have to live to fight. And one day, we'll fade away back into the ground. But why not bring along a little spark of life — all the emotions and connections and nothingness of it all — back with us?

Why not live? Why not try.

[anxiouslyextroverted]

DSMP finale and why its not as bad as people say it was - understanding is not forgiveness.

Everyone is saying that its written badly, and that its damage control but Tommy has said this was in the works for months now. Everyone is saying that it isn't a satisfactory conclusion, and maybe that is the case for us; the audience but it is satisfactory for cTommy.

--

cTommy never forgave cDream. He understood him, he saw cDreams past and realised that cDream had morals and had goals. He understood what those goals now were. He saw that happy server that was in the past and realised that cDream missed it. This is not him at all forgiving cDream, this is not him saying that everything that happened to him was fine, he is simply seeing cDreams perspective.

Sure, he apologises but thats him apologising for his own actions and for the bad things he has done in general, this never was meant to imply that cDream was in the right. cTommy even says that he doesn't agree with anything cDream did, he just says that he can see his point now. -

At a surface level, cTommy being sympathetic towards cDream makes no sense, but then you consider his goal behind everything. Why he always went after cDream? and its for closure.

He wanted closure not with cDream dying (as we see in prison lore he can't kill cDream) He thinks he can do it but he can't and thats because by killing him, he never finds out why cDream harmed him.

Abuse victims often need to figure out why their abusers harmed them so they can have that closure, that understanding, they no longer will be kept awake at night wondering for hours 'what did I do wrong?' 'why did they do it to me?' 'did they like hurting me?' ..and if you look at cTommy, he's always wondered why cDream targetted him and what did he do wrong. He just wanted to know why. And this finale provided that answer to him.

cDream isn't being redeemed, he says things like 'you deserved it' and he never apologises. But this isn't about them reconciling, and becoming friends. This is about cTommy finally knowing why he was hurt so many times, and it co-exists with the fact that cDream was never justified in hurting him.

cDream was never forgiven or excused, he was only explained. None of cDreams motivations and desires were painted as correct. And cTommy seeing cDream as human isn't him forgiving him.

You have to consider that cTommys trauma has a big role to play in this whole thing. Why sympathize with cDream? He always did even before exile, he always tried to understand him but got left with evil monologues in response, never knowing the true reasons until he saw that limbo. He just wants it over, he just wants to be free, he smiles because he is free, he gets the reassurance, he realises why cDream thinks everythings his fault and then he finally was at peace.

until the nuke went off.

Theres even a chance that if the nuke didn't go off, cDream would betray cTommy eventually but we'll never know.

The finale ended off with cTommy putting his heart over his head, and also empathizing with the person that hurt him the most just as cTommy has done in the past over and over. Fits cTommy perfectly.

But then both cTommy and cDream achieve what they wanted; the server being simple again.

[coffincoven]

“ look at me. “ // @hollowedchest

this is the part of the job that's never easy. not everyone makes it, a hospital is filled with death. teagan for the most part is good at shielding herself from it all. you have to care these people but you can't let yourself get attached.

in this case, she never had time to get attached. a drunken parent, driving with their five year old in the backseat. the car wrapped around a pole. the child was covered in blood and wounds, weakly clutching a white teddy bear stained red. the parent, of course, is completely fine. a bruise on their head.

she held the little girls hand as she died, and she swears she felt it. it took her breath away and she had to take an early break.

she didn't check her phone, didn't know that clint was coming to bring her coffee when he finds her kneeled down on the side of the hospital. there's blood on her hands and on her scrubs.

clint's hand on her face snaps her back just a little. taking a moment to process the words and his presence. 'look at me' he says.

she takes a shaky breath, wiping her nose. "is that coffee for me?"

[whattheheckmidoriya]

hi, i was the anon that asked for the crush headcanons! i haven't seen much of them, only relationship and platonic ones. so i thought i'll stick to it and ask for Levi taking care of his cadet (whom he has a crush on) that sometimes suffers from pain on her shoulders/back. she had an accident before she joined the scouts and sometimes intense training causes her pain. thanks lovely! 💕 ps. can i keep this "💕" as my symbol so you remember me?

WAIT THIS IS ADORABLE 😭 And yes! Welcome to the family 💕anon!

•

Levi doesn't act upon his emotions often— or so he thinks. His admiration for you sprouted from the moment you joined the regiment and is still present today. Your grace, your fierceness, all things you seemed to enamour him more and more every passing day. At first, he denied all playful accusations made by Hange. No, he didn't give you special treatment. No, he didn't grant you more of his attention than he did others. No, he didn't have a crush on you. Walls, who was he trying to deceive other than himself? When the reality of his feelings set in, he tried to pull away. Nothing good ever lasted around him; good people never lasted long. But he couldn't say no to you or your needs.

It was clear from the very beginning that you were a soldier worthy of praise; your poise and calm both on and off the battlefield were merits that many admired of you. But few knew of your wounds, past and present. So when the day came that during a hand-to-hand combat training session left you on the ground, gritting your teeth and desperately blinking tears away, Levi didn't know what to do. Only did he learn of your aches and pains after escorting you to the infirmary.

Poor medics where bombarded with his questions without a beat of hesitation. Did heat help sooth the aches? What sorts of excercises should you avoid while recovering from these recurring episodes? Was there anything within his power that he could do to help with your recovery?

He was hesitant to offer you his help at first, scared that his advancements would spook you off. The gratitude in your twinkling gaze made him stay. Pain medication was already stocked up in his office. Rice bags were stored away in his room, ready to be heated if you should ever need a different source of relief. He even went as far as buying different kinds of tea— some for soothing your aches, others to help ease your stress and anxieties.

His most intimate act of caring for you was when he first offered to massage your aching muscles. He made you swear you wouldn't tell anyone of how red his cheeks were when he first offered to do this for you. At first, his touch worked over your skin rather shyly, almost as if he was afraid of hurting you any further. Part of him believed that scarred hands like his had no right to grace your skin. It took reminding him that you weren't going to break because of him for him to properly massage your back and shoulders.

Levi becomes watchful of you, always attentive to your wellbeing. He goes overboard at times, but he hopes you understand it all comes from a place of love.

[visioncursed]

‘ hc ‘  + love

@ashestxashes / ANSWERED .

when  he  is  four  satoru  likes  to  chase  the  frogs  by  the  shallow  pond  outside  the  estate  .  he  toddles  up  &  down  the  sidewalk  ,  chubby  hands  outreached  &  a  wide  smile  on  his  little  face  .  he  never  gets  to  go  alone  ,  which  is  fine  .  he's  little  &  never  goes  anywhere  by  himself  ,  likes  to  babble  childish  nonsense  to  grim  faced  escorts  that  are  always  weary  of  the  bounty  on  his  head  . 

one  day  when  he  chases  frogs  ,  his  shoe  catches  on  a  raised  bit  of  his  asphalt  .  he  tumbles  ,  skins  his  knees  ,  the  palms  of  his  hands  .  gravel  digs  into  the  torn  up  flesh  &  he's  fearful  when  he  sees  blood  ,  when  the  hurt  chases  him  even  after  he  scrambles  upright  from  his  spot  on  the  ground  . 

he  wails  as  loud  &  as  long  as  his  little  lungs  allow  ,  noisy  shrill  cries  &  fat  tears  that  stain  his  cheeks  .  for  five  minutes  he  does  this  -  his  escort  pays  him  no  mind  .  flips  a  page  of  their  book  with  meticulous  fingers  . 

his  sobs  die  down  to  sniffles  &  even  when  he's  brought  inside  ,  when  his  mother  cleans  the  wounds  ,  dabbing  them  a  bit  too  harshly  even  if  he  winces  ,  sits  in  silence  when  she  puts   bandages  over  his  knees  ,  he  doesn't  cry  again  that  night  .  his  heart  aches  for  a  comforting  touch  ,  but  it  never  comes  .

after  that  he  skins  his  knees  a  few  more  times  &  knows  there's  no  point  in  making  a  scene  about  it  .  he  cleans  the  wounds  by  himself  . 

on  holidays  he  sits  alone  in  his  room  &  sorts  through  gifts  that  have  no  faces  ,  no  '  merry  christmas  love,  '  .  they  hold  no  sentiment  ,  they're  cold  &  the  knowledge  is  there  -  that  there  really  hadn't  been  any  thought  put  behind  them  .  there's  a  large  plush  blanket  ,  imported  &  woven  in  fine  fabric  .  soft  to  the  touch  .  it's  satoru's  least  favorite  color  .  he  stuffs  it  in  the  back  of  his  closet  &  never  pulls  it  out  again  . 

when  he  is  sent  off  to  school  it's  early  in  the  morning  .  his  bags  are  packed  but  no  one  waves  him  off  .  he'd  watched  a  movie  just  the  night  before  &  wonders  if  his  mother  could  have  ever  been  the  person  to  tearfully  kiss  his  cheeks  &  wish  him  well  .  maybe  she  was  just  born  cold  .  he  doesn't  particularly  find  himself  missing  her  ,  a  little  too  consumed  by  his  restlessness  to  experience  something  different  . 

the  hallways  are  barren  ,�� dust  gathers  on  the  tops  of  doorframes  &  he  thinks  sourly  of  different  memories  buried  in  corners  of  the  home  .  the  kitchen  where  he'd  taped  up  a  clumsy  crayon  drawing  to  the  fridge  ,  only  to  find  it  in  the  trash  later  the  same  night  .  the  living  room  where  he'd  been  told  to  sit  &  be  quiet  ,  quiet  ,  always  quiet  ,  no  family  photos  to  look  at  or  the  wear  &  tear  of  constant  use  .

he  hadn't  been  allowed  to  think  or  to  feel  .  his  milestones  are  never  marked  ,  no  pencil  etches  to  track  his  height  over  the  years  ,  no  box  of  childhood  accomplishments  tucked  somewhere  safe  to  linger  over  when  someone  felt  nostalgic  .  only  orders  .  only  ever  orders  ,  what  to  do  &  how  to  be  . 

he  leaves  for  school  &  hasn't  the  slightest  idea  what  love  means  . 

eventually  ,  he'd  make  friends  .  doesn't  even  realize  how  hard  he  chases  validation  ,  how  he  feels  good  when  they  commend  him  for  doing  well  &  worry  for  him  when  he  isn't  .  suguru  buys  him  mittens  in  his  favorite  color  on  a  particularly  harsh  winter  &  satoru  can't  remember  when  he'd  even  told  him  what  it  was  ,  if  he'd  told  him  at  all  or  if  his  friend  had  really  just  paid  that  much  attention  to  what  he'd  liked  .  shoko  reads  a  magazine  &  lets  him  offload  his  frustrations  .  suguru  always  gets  extra  sweets  that  satoru  inevitably  will  try  to  steal  later  .  shoko  teases  him  for  being  terrible  at  expressing  his  feelings  &  the  conversation  stays  in  his  mind  for  weeks  afterwards  .  they  both  get  him  gifts  for  the  holiday  &  they're  silly  ,  a  ridiculous  pair  of  glasses  &  a  cheap  tshirt  that  reads  '  drama  queen  '  . 

his  heart  throbs  painfully  with  something  he  can't  place  &  it's  the  first  time  he  thinks  he  may  cry  again  . it's  hard  to  understand  that  it's  love  until  suguru  leaves  .  until  things  fall  apart  &  he  feels  empty  ,  raw  &  flighty  .  he  hurts  terribly  -  everything  he  sees  reminds  him  of  what  he  doesn't  have  .  he  thinks  he  should  have  been  more  grateful  ,  more  attentive  .  he  tries  harder  after  that  ,  when  it's  just  him  &  shoko  .  he's  still  not  very  good  at  expressing  himself  so  he  doesn't  try  .  there's  roundabout  ways  that  he  shows  his  appreciation  .  time  passes  &  he  picks  up  a  kid  that  looks  just  as  miserable  as  satoru  had  when  he  was  little  .  megumi  isn't  easy  .  he's  moody  &  it's  frustrating  ,  he  complains  when  satoru  is  too  affectionate  ,  gives  him  the  silent  treatment  when  they're  running  errands  .  megumi  trips  &  skins  his  knees  when  they  visit  the  park  ,  but  he  doesn't  cry  .  he  picks  himself  up  &  brushes  himself  off  alone  ,  with  a  deep  frown  &  watery  eyes  but  he  doesn't  cry  .  satoru  is  gentle  when  he  cleans  off  the  cuts  ,  covers  them  up  &  he  notices  it  when  megumi  stays  a  little  bit  closer  for  the  night  -  decides  on  his  own  to  join  him  for  a  movie  later  .  it  was  small  &  it  was  something  .   he  doesn't  really  pay  attention  to  what  they're  watching  ,  lost  in  his  own  thoughts  .  thoughts  of  who  he'd  lost  ,  who  he'd  gained  .  so  many  people  &  finally  ,  finally  ,  satoru  thinks  he  finally  understands  what  love  is  .

[amokslime]

MDZS PRO WRESTLING AU

Now under a cut because I realized how godforsakenly long it is:

Maybe it's galaxy brained but hear me out:

Wei Wuxian's descent from beloved irreverent face into behated heel with a dedicated fan base

Jiang Cheng the extremely polarizing face/heel/face/heel guy who meanmugs at the audience regardless of whether they're cheering for him or not

Wei Wuxian jumping out of a coffin to interrupt his own funeral a-la the Undertaker

JYL as their manager who gets engaged to the promotional company's son

Wen Ning who starts out as a gentle scaredy-cat character who doesn't know his own strength, but ends up as WWX's modern prometheus themed crony. Grew up watching pro-wrestling on TV

Wen Qing as the on-site doctor who's so very tired of treating wrestling related injuries.

JZX is a very stiff, money themed, rich boy owner's son type character but all he wants is just to be happy and unperceived. He just wants to retire and be a boring house husband but he can't get away. (He eventually escapes don't worry)

JGY as the Nie Bro's long-suffering manager whose life is full of real, unscripted family drama he cannot escape

Nie Bros as a Powerhouse/Trickster duo

NHS blowing kisses at opponents to interrupt their grandstanding monologues and then hiding behind NMJ when they get mad him

NMJ's character is a berserker who just like. Screams and rips open his shirt as his entrance bc he didn't have any other ideas.

Twin Jades of Lan as untouchable technical faces who refuse to break rules to the extent that they should be boring, but they're. Very popular.

Wangxian tag team -> nemesis -> tag team. It's a extremely long running recurring storyline that thrives on WWX's image change into his goth aesthetic heel character

NMJ and JGY falling out after JGS orchestrates an unscripted, career ending screwjob on NMJ after NMJ openly/bluntly acknowledges his bad behavior while on video (for anybody who hasn't been cursed with a pro wrestling special interest: a screwjob is an unfair or controversial finish that often involves cheating or outside interference)

After this, NHS goes through a scripted character arc of teaming up with a revolving string of other characters in order to get "revenge" on whichever poor wrestler got pressured into doing the unscripted takedown on NMJ. But then he also exposes JGS for tax evasion in real life and almost causes the demise of the whole company

The drama. The mess. The gender and sexuality of it all. The way everyone acts like they're divorced from everybody else. The unscripted real life betrayals that are treated as spectacle. The court of public opinion and the dissonance between reputation and inner life. My third eye is open

[hdjaeho]

𝑯𝑰 𝑭𝑹𝑰𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑺 ! it's so nice to meet you - i'm kiara ( she / her , est , 18 + ) and i'm here with my first muse ji jaeho !! i've been eyeing this roleplay for a whie so i'm pretty excited to be here , and hope that we can add some fun to your muse's lives ! jaeho's a starlight music trainee with a lot of discipine but a detrimentally big heart. i did sort of create him on a whim so pls bear with me as i get him fully settled ! but in the meantime you can find his info & some general connections below. and of course , please like this post if you'd ike to plot ! let's get going. <;3

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞. / 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲. / 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭.

pls excuse the many inevitable typos until i can fix them ! my keyboard's being super wonky so my keys aren't all working right. :')

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 ::

( tw : mentions of abuse , parental neglect , and abandonment. )

born park jaeho in busan , south korea. his birth parents were teens who'd accidentally become pregnant and had jaeho just after high school graduation.

the second jaeho was born , his existance filed his parents with resentment. she held a lot of hatred toward him for being the "cause" of them missing out on their youth , and they had no problem reminding him.

by the first seven years of his life , jaeho's learned how to be seen but never heard , especialy when it came to the mistreatment from his parents. it's only when his teacher notices a particularly alarming drawing in class depicting the violence in his house that he finally gets someone to vouch for him.

it's not long before he gets roped in the foster system , which was an incrediby lonely experience for him as an ony chid. however , it's also a comforting one in ways , when he's placed with families that fill his early childhood memories with far more love and support than his families ever have.

it's his last home that's filed with the most love, however, and it's the ji's when he's eight years old. they attatch to him instanty, and it's obvious from the very start how kind-hearted they are. with his foster mom being a fiery but loving therapist and his foster dad being a quiet but patient owner of a resturaunt , they knew all the ways to show him love , whether by nurturing his heart or his stomach.

they always aimed to fuel jaeho's creativity and dreams in all the ways his birth parents hadn't. it becomes no secret he takes a paticular liking to dance ( ballet's his favorite ) , writing , and art , though the first two are the strongest of his interests.

his foster parents try their best to gift him normalcy and the tools to reach their dreams , even if it means spending their last. they spend their checks on the best dance schools they can afford , and whle it's clear it's doing jaeho good , he feels awful about it. he doesn't want to feel indebted to them , and to make things worse , his dance peers bully him for his worn shoes and low income.

he feels so undeserving of their love - after all he's not even their chid. at least ... until he is. at the age of twelve , his birthday comes with the best surprise. not a new toy , not the latest video game , but adoption papers. finally , a true family.

but his best gift of all comes later that year when he receives news that another adoption has been finalized - a one year old named jieun. her parents had given her up after they discovered she was deaf. but , unsurprising due to their kindness , the ji's took her in with open arms.

with a deaf member of the family , miss ji was diigent in ensuring all the family members learned to use sign , including jaeho. he loves it , actually , as often when they were out in public it felt like him and his baby sister had a special language shared between them. as his fluency in ksl grew so did his love for her , and it's not long before he becomes incredibly protective and caring for the littlest ji.

but as he gets older , he starts feeling extreme pressure to repay his parents for all their kindness by being the best son possible. a mix of guilt & past rejections transforms him into an anxiety-ridden teen determined to come out on top.

as graduation approaches, he feels less and less encouraged to follow his dream to dance. it had taken so much out of his parents , and he didn't feel right continuing to take from them when it came with so much risk. so instead of continuing dance , he enrolls in colege as an education major , deciding to pursue another dream that will do his parents much less harm.

his mom can't bear to see him give up on something he showed so much promise in. so , she begins posting his covers she'd recorded for him to youtube , and eventuay , gets contacted to audition. the answer is an overwhelming no from jaeho when he finds out , extremely upset his mother had done such a drastic thing without asking him.

however , after an emotional heart-to-heart with his mom , he realizes ... running from his ream isn't doing either of them good , and letting go of his dream woud mean his parent's sacrifice woud be for nothing. so , in a very big leap of faith , he makes the huge decisison to drop out of school for the time being to pursue the trainee life full-time.

since he's been in seoul , he's faced an overwhelming amount of doubt in himself and guit. he's unsure if it'll all be worth it - being unabe to care for his sister , being away from his parents he oves so much , and trying to actually learn to care for himself and not just those around him.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ::

highly highy emotional. i think because of his sharp visuals & relatively quiet nature people might first mistake him for that mysterious & cool type , but he's really not. he's an extremely deep feeler , and though he tries to hide it , those who know him well know it's no secret. due to his past , he's gotten used to silence to repress how he's feeling , but his silence mixed with his facial expressions ( he really can't hide those ) makes it fairly obvious how he's feeling.

loyal , but sometimes to a fault. he has a strong nurturing instinct and desire to help others , even if it means hurting himself in the process. it's made the whole competitive atmosphere of the trainee word difficult for him , as he has to juggle his equally dominant desires to help others and be on top.

v random but he had a massive massive growth spurt HAHA. he was really small and frail his entire life unti his last years of high school , where he sprung up suddenly. that , mixed with his newfound interest in the gym transformed him into an entirely different jaeho than his peers had known.

quiet , but not shy. again , because of how he was raised in early years to be seen not heard , he tends to be pretty lowkey when he doesn't know you well. however , he's incredibly expressive through his dance , a stark contrast that makes his performances that much more powerful. he likes lyrical & hip hop now the best , because despite being very different he gets to channel the same level of different emotions. but in terms of socialization , those he knows well know that he can become a chatterbox & even a bit of a wild child if he's made to feel comfortable enough ! think kinda jun from svt vibes ??

once again , very nurturing. the mom friend , the type to stay late after practice to help you with a difficult part , cook you meals and pay for the bill when you look way. he's been a foster brother to tons of kids his adoptive parents helped raise , so taking care of others has practically become second nature.

adores kids , and it's no surprise that he's wanted to be an elementary school teacher , especially for deaf children , and he intends to do so when the idol life is behind him. after all - right before coming to his company he was working part-time as an after school kids dance teacher ! he just loves to love , and acts of service and words of affirmation definitely top his love language list.

with that being said , he's also a giant romantic. still not convinced it's in the cards for him , but desperately wants it to be. loves all those cheesy romance dramas , and falls deeply for people. but, because he doesn't always know to do what's best for him, he's literally set his friends up with his crushes in the past just to make them happy. can u tell already he likes breaking his own heart for fun ?? LMAO

as you can tell he's a true softie. but one thing he absolutey won't tolerate is laziness. he already feels so bad for pursuing this dream that he'll do everything in his power to make it worth it. which is why trainees who clearly don't put in a good faith effort will deefinitely see themselves on the rarely seen but incredibly scary bad side of him dwojdwiodwjio. in short - he doesn't take bullshit.

like i said , he's a deep feeler. but because of that , he has a really hard time forgetting things , and can hold a bit of a grudge. for minor things he's almost too forgiving. but if something major happens and things are said in the heat of the moment , it's like he instantly detatches & goes radio silent. he does it to protect himself but sometimes he needs to learn to forgive & also not to close himself off as much , especially with those he cares for the most.

loads of imposter syndrome. he doesn't have the connections and experiences he's seen some others have in the indsutry, and it definitely makes him question whether or not he belongs. trying his best to blen in but constantly feels like he's playing a role and isn't really cut out for the idol life , and also questions if he should've just stayed in school.

very analytical of people . tends to try and figure out people's personality before he even knows them well, because he's incredibly curious but afraid to get too attatched too fast. sometimes he legit just stares at peope trying to see how they operate because he wants to know them better pls don't mind him LOL

random fun fact but his family nickname is maehwa ! it means plum blossom , and his mom gives nicknames every kid she's taken care of revolving around flowers / nature. jaeho got his nickname because his mom thinks of him as a sign of hope and new beginnings, just like blossoming flowers signal the start of spring.

heaviy reliant on organization - his notebooks , calendars , and even phone are all color coded and alphabetically sorted to his heart's content. needs order to feel comfortable and it's often refected with how he trains and studies.

there's probably so much more but i'm so self conscious of how much i'm writing HAHA so for now , we'll leave it at that ! i'll add more if i left anything out tho <;33

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 ::

this will be a pretty small and general list for now but more coming soon !! plus i love brainstorming above all else , so these could work as mere inspos or we can create something totally fresh !

dance friends - jaeho didn't get along too well with many dance students , but maybe someone could be the exception ? someone who went to the same company as him when they were teens and acted as a sort of comfort to him. he's from busan but did his lessons in seoul !

a younger / less mature trainee who either is struggling to find their way or just needs a little care. a sibling-like relationship with someone who jaeho deeply cares for ! he can be a little overprotective but he emans well , and will certainly care for them as deeply as his heart allows.

language exchange buddies ? jaeho doesn't really speak a lick of english , but wants to learn. and in return , he can either teach foreign muses korean or even teach them korean sign language !

crushes / first love vibes - very loose idea that requires tons of brainstorming but maybe a little romance that's begun to spring up ? he's incredibly romantic though so he tends to get pretty invested , which can be an equally good and bad thing. but more of a sweet , slow-paced romance !

on the other side , exes ?? ngl with him it's MESSY though because as i said , a strong feeler ! takes forever to get over relationships , and if ended badly , often holds a strooong grudge.

best friends who do well at baalncing each other out - i think naturally, jaeho would probaby get closest to someone a bit different than him bc quite honestly if they're just as strong a feeler of him it can be Too Much haha ?? but people who bring out the best traits of each other and can be incredibly real w each other !

someone who encourages jaeho to actually let loose and be young for once ! he never lets himself havea break , so he could certainly benefit from friends who push him into a little healthy chaos.

enemies ?? which would be very interesting , considering jaeho has very few. but people who are rude without reason , lazy , or snobby are the small portion of the population that get on his bad side haha !

roommates !! honestly rooming with jaeho can be a whole adventure , but you're certainly gonna get free homecooked meals , a listening ear , and a plant collection out of it. pls keep this lonely boy some company while he's in seoul !

[fragilecapric0rnn]

So I rewatched When Harry Met Sally the other day and because I have steddie brainrot, it got me THINKING. Because my heart will always yearn for When Harry Met Sally AUs. 

I know that most canon-divergence fic has the gang, specifically Steve and Eddie, as being very close and trauma-bonded, which I love. 

However

I am also in LOVE with the idea of Steve and Eddie not really hitting it off after they save the world together. Even though Steve was equally worried about his well being and was ready to raise hell with the US government if they didn’t clear his name, something about him confused Steve to his core. And Eddie picked up on this and he had so much fun with it. 

Eddie is loud and brash and so unapologetically himself, which fills Steve with a misguided discomfort. Steve, though he’s matured a lot, still hasn’t let go of the constructs of his upbringing and just simply does not know how to handle someone like Eddie. Steve finds comfort in conformity because up until recently that’s all he knows. Even if he’s not fully comfortable with himself, he doesn’t want to touch his internal problems with a 10ft pole. But Eddie makes it impossible for him to ignore it. 

So its 1987 and he doesn’t love that he got roped into taking Eddie along on his cross-country road trip to California. Robin’s been gone for like a year and Steve has been planning on going to live with her after her freshman year, but now Eddie wants a ride bc he also wants to get out of Hawkins. Which is fair, but Steve is still annoyed. He has never hung out with the guy one on one (on purpose!!!) and yet here he is driving with the guy for 3 days. Steve spends the whole time guarded and irritated, but through little moments in the lapse of his better judgment, he also enjoys himself. But then Eddie clocks him and starts to see right through him and Steve is not ready for that. And they get into a big-ish squabble as they drive into San Francisco. Steve says some pretty mean things, Eddie doesn’t hold back either. Steve drops Eddie off at his stop, they both say they’ll keep in touch, but neither of them mean it. 

Five years later they run into each other in a gay bar. It’s 1992. The last place Eddie expected to see Steve, who is there with Robin, who he must be here with in solidarity. Right? Wrong. Robin, already drunk and extremely happy to see an old friend, reveals that Steve just got dumped by his boyfriend (Eddie is visibly self-destructing at this revelation) and she got dumped by her girlfriend and they’re both done with school and want to party in the city for once. Expect Robin gets whisked away by some hot butch and leaves Steve with Eddie and Steve is only having an okay time. So much of an okay time that they miss the last train to their apartment. Well, Steve misses the train because Robin definitely didn’t plan to make that train. Eddie offers him his couch for the night. Steve is too drunk and too distracted by big brown kind eyes to say no. Especially when he hear’s that Eddie’s partner is out of town, and he ignores the twinge in his gut at the mention of said partner. They go back to his place and keep drinking, getting friendlier and warmer, or maybe it’s just the alcohol? Or maybe it’s that the smell of Eddie hasn’t changed since that day 6 years ago when he threw his vest at Steve’s face and effectively changed his whole life. But when the conversation turns to those days in Hawkins, Eddie’s energy shifts to something cold. He hasn’t talked about those days at all since leaving, tells Steve he hasn’t thought about them and doesn’t plan to ever again. Steve is confused, because he still has nightmares, anyone from the party that’s tried dating outsiders can’t seem to hold onto a relationship because the night terrors can’t be explained to any partner. None of them feel like they can have a normal life, some of them don’t even feel like they deserve one. The co-dependence he still has with his best friend isn’t met with sympathy from an outsider’s perspective. The fact that he actively fears the day he has to live apart from Robin makes him sick to his stomach. He tells Eddie this much. But there’s nothing that can be said to change the air in the room back to the warmth. They go to sleep that night not saying much else to each other. When Steve leaves in the morning, in time for the first train and before Eddie can wake up, he leaves a note telling him thank you. 

Six years later, 1998, Steve and Robin are looking for a copy of Will’s latest book in a bookstore in the Castro. Robin is still with the girl she met at the bar that night all those years ago, and Steve has been dumped, yet again. This time by someone who he met shortly after that night at the bar. It felt so sudden to Steve, he’s heartbroken. It was almost 6 years together and suddenly it seemed like they just wanted different things in life. This is his first time out of the house in almost 2 weeks because it’s summer break and he’s a teacher so he has the freedom to rot in his heartbreak at home. Robin forced him to come out and just because the universe loves Steve so much, none other than Eddie Munson walks into the same bookstore for the same book, still dressed in his work coveralls. Steve contemplates hiding in the bathroom until he leaves, but Robin would never let him. He’s different though, his eyes are somehow kinder. His heart is also broken, come to find out. Robin realizes she’s running late for something, leaving the two of them alone. They grab an early dinner together, conversation flowing easier than it ever has in the times they’ve spent or ran into each other in the past. They talk about a lot at this dinner, their failed relationships, their individual relationships with the other members of the party. And it just feels easy to the both of them. 

Wow. Am I gonna have to write this? 

[rubyreduji]

jj!! my fav fic from u is of boobs & basses, and i wanted to know what ur inspiration 4 that fic was! it’s such an interesting and unique premise and i’m rly curious abt how it came together!

— join the sleepover!! 🧸️

mika :333 i love you so much omg hi

BUT YES OMG OF BOOBS AND BASSES i love that fic as well like it really is my love child because it ended up SO MUCH LONGER than i expected bc i just had so many jihoon feelings

it was really all inspired by maneskin and vic de angelis because i love their stage presence and how they are just so unapologetic about things like being naked and promoting sex and stuff like that and i was like "that would be such an interesting dyanamic with kpop" because like korea has their super strict censorship and like idk i think its kinda silly to think about jihoon being secretly obsessed with a band who just screams sex and boobs

it was originally just going to be a pwp of like this interesting dynamic of rockstar x kpop idol, but we all know i can't write without adding feelings and i got so invested in my own story it just kept going and going lol but i did want to make it super smutty so taht's why there's like five smut scenes dfjskla

for the feelings aspect i wanted them to come in with like "feelings" for each other already and that motivated them to get even closer and realize like "oh, this isn't just physical attraction" and it's this whirlwind of like a span of a week and them falling in love because you know sometimes that just happens

like it was just super self indulgent of me having idea after idea and being like "fuck it let's add it"

actually in the original draft during the scene where they fuck in yn's dressing room it was supposed to be in the box seats that svt were in after the show ended, like yn's band was gonna go up to the balcony they were on and the rest of the band was gonna give the svt a tour but yn and jihoon would stay back and fuck and everyone would be like "where are they??" but i changed it last minute lol

[vivi-mire]

hii i just watched the two episodes of the witch from mercury bc the stuff u were reblogging looked interesting so i figured why not check it out And. wowie .i feel like this is going to destroy my brain (in a good way).kindof obsessed with these gay people (ive known them for 40 mins. i forgot their names .the red one is eri i think and i would give her the world) ive never watched any gundam before so this is very cool and i cant wait for more episodes .lesbians win !that being said um. if someone were to hypothetically get into gundam what would u recommend they start with next. Asking for a friend

Love won! In space.

Also woo! my gwitch posting worked. Yeah I can tell already that this one's gonna fuck me up.

As for recommendations- this one is a bit tricky lol. I would first recommend just watching gwitch as it comes out so you're not juggling series.

So, gundam is all about timelines. Gwitch is it's own brand new timeline, so there's nothing right now in that same setting.

Personally, I would say maybe Iron Blooded Orphans? Its the most recent mainline series after gwitch. it will also fuck you up so that's a bonus. it's in it's own timeline as well so you don't need to know anything to start it.

Gundam 00 is also a pretty good starting point. it's also in it's own timeline. If you like a lot of political drama it's pretty good for that. There's also some gender going on. as a treat.

The universal century timeline is the very first one, so there's a LOT of parts to it. But some of my favorites are in it so if you really feel like delving in it can't hurt to start from the beginning. Just a word of advice though- watch the compilation movies for the og show. they compress things very well and you don't need to sit through too much questionable 1970s animation. After that you can be free to move onto the normal episode style for zeta and beyond if you want. If you want to start with something more modern for UC then tbh the Origin OVAs work just fine, and are really fun to watch