#silvy I blame you

[wen-kexing-apologist]

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

I was tagged by @twig-tea, but I do what I want so I'm ignoring the Boys thing (and on at least one occasion the BL thing). Anyway, without further ado, and in no particular order.

Win!Lin- Cupid's Last Wish

LOOPHOLE FIRST!

gif by @angelbesideme

Thanks to Cupid's Last Wish, Jan is a boy here! So I am choosing Win from Cupid's Last Wish before he body swaps back. HOWEVER, if I'm honest, it was less Win and more masc!Jan that made my brain short circuit so do with that what you will.

Toon- Seneha Stories

I am breaking from the prompt immediately, but this is my post and I can do what I want, so I am choosing Toon from Seneha Stories, which @so-much-yet-to-learn brought my attention to. Seneha Stories is definitively not a BL, but Toon is hot, kind, sad, and he fucks so I'd be living my best life.

Miw, Neo, Shin, and Mae - 3 Will Be Free

THIS IS NOT ME SUGGESTING A FOURSOME, THIS IS JUST ME TRYING TO PREVENT FOUR OF THE TEN SPACES FROM BEING 3 WILL BE FREE.

I like it when my fictional women not only are capable of murder, but have, in fact, murdered. Miw and Mae are hot, competent, killers, fucking over evil billionaires so what is not to love?

I am not immune to Neo and his slutty little crop tops. He has three brain cells and they are all that is keeping him from not dying. Iconic to be honest.

I am not immune to Shin and his glasses, and his kindness. I mean, the boy got cut with a knife and not only comforted the kid that wounded him when he started freaking out but dated him.

Mollie - The Warp Effect

gif by @patpran

MY FIRST NON-BINARY REP IN THAILAND, MY BELOVED. Mollie is so fucking hot, they are talented, they have sick tattoos, they are fighting for themselves, and are changing the landscape of media, what is not to love?

You could also almost certianly put in any of Silvy's characters and I would probably want them carnally, cause...it's Silvy.

(honestly, I'd go for Nim too, but again, not for her character's personality, it's the masc!Jan effect)

Kim- KinnPorsche

gif by @namchyoon

For this scene and this scene only. Honestly, I think if nothing else this shows you that my type is people who could actually maybe kill me in a fight.

Or at the very least, people I could get in to a homoerotic fight with.

Anyway, Jeff gives me gender envy and the first time I saw this gifset, I thought he was a butch lesbian.

Speaking of homoerotic fights

Phaya and Sand - The Sign

MENACE! A MENACE I TELL YOU! I truly well and deeply have an appreciation for when someone who (I assume) typically would top absolutely just vibrates out of their skin at the first sign they might be topped.

And I'm adding Sand here as well because I think my jaw dropped like ten feet when I saw her on screen.

Sand, baby girl, let me know if Yai doesn't treat you right, cause I will.

King- Bed Friend

gif by @earthfluuke

Shout out to this man, I've seen him on at least three of these lists. But who could blame us? Look at him.

Choy Yu Na- Semantic Error

She did that bisexual sit and my heart was hers.

And for my last two picks, I certainly am asking myself the question, do I want them carnally or do I just want them?

Mork -My Ride

Helloooooooo Mr. Dimples. I mean....I feel like I don't need to explain myself here. We all get it, right? We understand, right? And besides, he gives rides for a living or something...

Minoru- Our Dining Table

HE'S JUST SO NICE, SO KIND, SO TIRED. @isaksbestpillow is so right, he is a mother. I love him.

Tagging @so-much-yet-to-learn, @solitaryandwandering, @respectthepetty and anyone else who sees this and wants to join!

[strwbmei]

Since Milord already said the idea I had with Silvie (Blessed be them), I now propose: Poly with Bronya and Seele.

Bronya works so, so hard, and never seems to pace herself at times; at those times, it falls to her dutiful partners to keep her from making her feel any worse.

Namely, by having you deep inside her and praising her for being such a good girl, and Seele on top of her, gently degrading her less-than-stellar work hours.

What I'm trying to say; as much as I wanted to say Bronya and Cocolia, I had to go with the best girls first 😳

(also thoughts on women having abs °/////°)

There's no better way to get Bronya to relax than having both of her lovers pleasure her at the same time. Usually, it starts with you trying to convince her into taking a break and spending time with you and Seele; ending with Bronya all sprawled out on your shared bed seeing stars, unable to think of the pile of documents on her desk— or anything else, for that matter. The two of you make sure Bronya doesn't have to do anything but sit back and feel good; specifically, with your cock/strap tenderly rubbing against her walls and Seele caressing and rubbing all over Bronya's sore body whilst mumbling about how she should take better care of herself.

And as true as that is, you'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy taking care of Bronya like this. She's just too cute when she's teary eyed from how good the both of you are making her feel. Poor girl is so stressed and pent up... But luckily, she has you two to help her relax. Although Seele tries to act like she's mad at Bronya by hissing under her breath about how reckless and irresponsible she always is, Seele's gentle and loving kisses betray how she truly feels. You can't blame her, though. After all, who could get mad at Bronya?

Other people are intimidated and sometimes even scared of the Supreme Guardian, but you two aren't just "other people". Her eyes, which if they really took the time to look at them, they'd know are akin to those of a confused yet determined puppy; ones that neither you or Seele had the will to say no to. Both of you exchange a knowing look; making an unspoken promise to spoil Bronya rotten with numerous earth-shattering orgasms and the best aftercare— and fulfill that promise, you do. Bronya just can't ask for more when she awakes snuggled between you two under the sheets, feeling more loved and content than she's ever been.

Okay. Women with abs. I am not normal about them. I love abs on both genders, but women. Women with abs really have me in a chokehold. Maybe it's because it's scientifically harder for women to develop them (iirc, women's bodies are engineered to retain more fat and less muscle for the protection of the baby in case of pregnancy), but imagine the muscles contracting and flexing as you trace your fingers down the middle. It doesn't even take that much— just them breathing has the same effect. The soft texture of supple skin combined with the sensation of feeling the hard muscles beneath them... I'm going to combust.

╰┈➤ taglist ; @blue-spices , @fvrina , @dukemira , @sensanctuary , @large-octahedron , @sinsmockingbird , @teethoftheeditor , @roninraccoon

[bengiyo]

My Marvelous Dream is You Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

I have seen the trailer for this show and I still have no idea what to expect other than some lesbian action.

Starting kind of fantastical and frolicking. Okay!

Ah, of course we were dreaming. At least Silvy is here.

I’m excited about characters to having some established relationships for us to walk into.

I don’t blame Kim for wanting to leave Wan if she’s always this overbearing and volatile.

The girls are fighting in the bathroom! This is tacky!

A whole wine bottle in the car? Girl!

Looknam’s character in the last GL was expecting. Now she’s pumping milk. I’m excited for her to have a toddler running around in the next one.

I was not expecting us to be at the beginning of a breakup in this show. I’m intrigued and probably going to stick with this for a while just to see how they handle it.

Oh lord this mess has been going on for a while. Wan and Kim’s dads may have been seeing each other on the side and became neighbors?

Oh shit both dads ran off together.

Dawan’s imaginary world is so dramatic.

I see. Kim is being blackmailed and is trying to protect Wan.

Oh Thai dramas, how is it suddenly night time?

Truly was not expecting noble idiocy in episode 1.

I don’t know what drugs this auntie doctor has, but mom looks good?

Seems like Kim’s mom doesn’t know about their relationship.

Next week promises more fighting and mess. My goodness.

Girls, this is capital M Messy! We had so much drama in the first episode and we barely got to meet anyone. We got rich actresses beefing on live television and trying to suffocate each other in the bathroom. We’ve got homophobic blackmail and noble idiocy. We have a recent mother trying to help these lesbians even with her tiddies leaking the whole time. We have a neighborly connection through their gay dads who ran off together. There’s a drug dealing doctor on the horizon. It’s so much!

[theflagscene]

Starting Laws of Attraction, I know I’m gonna end up crying through this too and just so you know, I am blaming every single one of the people who voted for me to watch it lol. This is a preemptive “you’re so mean!” 😢 But Silvy’s in it, so that’s enough of a reason for me to sit through the pain of the MC’s trauma lol.

Anyway, let’s do this.

[randomfandomdom]

Loki season 2 review (without spoilers) (I'm on episode 4)

Lack of Lokius is a sin.

New characters but I don't remember anything about them because lack of background story.

The writing kind of predictable. Lots of pauses to add some kind "suspense" to a very mediocre line.

The comedic relief is kind of forced and awkward and not running as smooth as season 1.

Creating a hype over what Mobius's past in every single episode and I will be disappointed if he would get a wife and a kid.

Silvie is way more annoying than season 1, yes, apparently that's possible. Her girl boss trope is failing so much that I'm rooting for the "villain" girl boss more.

Hyping that man as a skilled soldier but I don't even remember him in season 1 and he barely do anything in this one to show that he actually is strong.

(KIND OF SPOILERS???????????????) Ms minute acting all serious and mysterious only to be the biggest, cringiest plot hole of the time.

Too many "I hate you too but we have to do this together" dialogue, I count like two in every episode.

This one is a personal problem I have with sci-fi genre: too much scientific bullshit of made up device names.

Silvie, blames everyone but her, as always.

Loki was strong and got to showcase his skills but by he still freezes a lot, no development of his strength whatsoever. And yes, I'm aware he can't use his power in TVA. I'm talking about when he's out there. Like seeing your MC being dumb down to make the plot make sense.

Silvie's haircut. Again, girl boss trope where the girl is getting an ugly haircut just because she doesn't want to appeal to the male gaze. My wlw part of bisexuality was dried. The hetero part wasn't really that excited either.

The nerd was too stereotypical it hurts. Still got me though, I love him, but it seems like the writer kind of want him to be shipped with EVERYONE.

Overall Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson carries. Jonathan's acting was too theatrical and cringe. I don't even want to find the name of Silvie's actress, she's in the same level as Gal Gadot.

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Laws of Attraction Ep. 4:

1. This has no bearing to the plot whatsoever but I think the actor who plays Tanthai somewhat looks like Fiat Pachata. He is just a whole deal taller than Fiat 😅

2. Ngl, if somebody bullies any of my nephews (like those kids did with Tonkhao), none of them would go in their own homes without experiencing a sharp smack in the head. 😅😅😅

3. What are you doing, Tin? Also, nice fighting skills lol Although, I don't know why none of Tanthai's bodyguards have a gun 😅😅😅

4. Yeah, who the fvck had the sense to lock Tanthai's car before the fight went down??? 🤣🤣🤣 <after five seconds> so they do have a gun. The fvck did they waste their time with baseball bat and knife then???

5. Tanthai's main bodyguard (don't know his name) is kinda decent, but also dumb. He could have teamed up with Tin and Charn to help release Tanthai from Thattep's clutches.

6. Again, Tin frustrates me. Yeah, moral beliefs are great, but so far, it hadn't helped bring justice to his niece. He wants to play fair but his opponents and the playing field are not. If I'm his grandma, I would have smacked Tin's head until he comes to his senses. Several times, in fact 😐😐😐

7. These rumour mongers.....it's like they don't use their brains. Also, Charn unintentionally showing his weakness (Tin) to Thattep is not smart. What will Charn's next move be?

8. At least, Tin is now self-aware. Better late than never, I guess. 😅

9. Ohhh. I haven't had lunch yet. That bowl of noodle looks delicious. So, are Tin's and Charn's smiles to each other. 🤭🤭🤭🤭

10. Maybe, there's a rat in their side. How did Thattep knew the frameup, otherwise.

11. The fvck? Did they paid somebody to take the fall on Tonkhao's hit and run? Also, I'm with Charn. Why didn't they used a fallguy in the beginning? But Tin also makes a great point - maybe Tanthai is guilty of something else. What the fvck is happening in this series???

12. Miss Clubowner being a fan of Birkin is such a letdown. All their bags look the same lol.

13. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Tanthai's bodyguard is not helping his young master. If he really cares, he should consider flipping sides.

14. Charn turning his charm on all the way up to trick Tanthai's friend to spill all the beans is 🤌🤌🤌

15. So, if Tanthai did not kill Tonkhao, why did they say that Tanthai did it in the first place??? What would they get from it???

16. Got distracted by Silvy's voice. I'm okay now lol

17. So, I guess Tanthai and the bodyguard are a side couple, which means a redemption arc somewhere in the later episodes.

18. Where did I saw the same premise that if you looked back, that means you are romatically interested with the other party??? Because that is what's happening in that goodbye scene with Charn and Tin.

I can't with the preview. Charn is still concerned about gaining money and power, justice be damned. Also, at this rate, it looks like Thattep killed Tonkhao. I just don't know why put the blame on his son and not the gardener, in the first place. And it also seems I'm right about Charn's assistant being sus. I am kinda excited for the next episode.

[a-vamp-and-a-half]

“Psh, assumer much? What, you think every guy or gal here making deals is a charlatan of the wicked?”

“That’s-we didn’t mean it that way Silvie, we’re on edge come on. All this talk of making deals, it’s scary stuff” Evan quickly intervenes, giving a weak heh as Silvie rolls his eyes

“Yeah whatever. Fine. Guess I can’t blame you when you don’t even know how fae work. Or why they do it” he says the last bit quieter, glancing at the shadows before quickly looking Bing in the eyes “It’s still my friends you’re insulting”

"I insulted? Ah, shiz- no I just meant like, they go to magic places! And like, would still be alive after a long time!"

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: June 15, 2000

Lyrics:

You have the bravest heart

The strongest emotions

After all the harm I've caused

You still want my lovin'

I think I've lost your love

Oh baby, it's a shame

But how can I be mad at you

When I'm the one to blame

You have the bravest heart

The strongest emotions

After all the harm I've caused

You still want my lovin'

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

Oh I

I'd love to turn the tide

Oh I

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

I can't believe

I still receive

So much affection from your side

If you could give me one more chance

I'd love to turn the tide

Songwriter: Reginald Paul Stefan Penxten

Oh I

I'd love to turn the tide

Oh I

SongFacts:

"Turn the Tide" is the debut single of the Belgian Vokal Trance and the European Sylver Group. The song was produced in Belgium by Little Major Productions. In Belgium it was published under the artist name Liquid with Silvy. The song is included in the group's debut album chances and in French as "Je Sais Pas" as part of her second album Little Things as a ghost track at the end of the album.

[dafton]

the youngest afton struck a nerve because of all the parallels I can make to the kind of life I lived up until now. I could give you hundreds of reasons he’s me. I could tell you endless stories. I could give you countless examples of why I’m the way I am now. But I also have this weird thought that it wasn’t as bad as I make it out to be. And I can’t tell if I’m gaslighting myself or looking at this from a realistic perspective. They didn’t hit me, but they psychologically scarred me. But my psyche damage wasn’t as bad as some other people I know of who suffered ten times worse than I did easily. But suffering isn’t a race and trauma isn’t something you can “win” at when comparing the deepness of a mud puddle between two people. I “handled” it well. I split between feeling like an adult child and a childish adult.

I feel like I died at 8. I did die at 8. I grew up at 8 too. But it’s impossible to be an adult at 8 years old. It’s only possible to feel fear and conditioning until you obey and mimic the adults you see around you. How they behave.

But then when I did look around at the adults and how they behaved, I saw animals. I saw screeching mammals who couldn’t speak their mind in any other way but screaming and throwing furniture. I saw creatures who couldn’t see beyond the ends of their own noses. I dissociated through the remainder of my childhood, feeling like because I could look at these people so objectively. With so little room for seeing them as people in the first place, that clearly something was wrong with me.

Frontal lobe removing bites don’t heal over. I’m an adult, but I never got to be a kid long enough for the adulthood to sink in when I was ready for it to do so.

Now I struggle with my own sense of identity because I still feel like I’m stuck in that house in Silvis. because I still feel like half of my brain has been left in the jaws of an animatronic.

I can’t blame anyone I share a fictive space for the real life trauma I went through. Nor would I ever try to guilt you for what happened to me when you did all you could to try and put me back together.

I think the reason why I get startled when I realize you and I share so many traits is how effortless it all is. I’m not trying to be Cassidy Afton. That kid died. His ghost is something else now but in the same breath it feels like I’m still standing there in that living room while the divorce and all the responsibility of that household was put on my shoulders. A rapidly switching tornado of sensations happening all at the same time constantly.

And I have the nerve to worry about whether or not I’m capable of feeling romantic love? What a joke. I’m a corpse. I can worry about being in love when I can handle looking at myself in the mirror without fuckin’ flinching.

[isaacapatow]

with @clintbennet  | the daybreakers : catching up over a meal; ike discloses some things about growing up in ark

Clint Bennet -In all the madness of prepping to take on this group, it was easy for everyone to get lost in their own worlds, their own tasks, getting one thing done before quickly moving on to the next. Familiar faces outside of those that were completing tasks with you were rare to come by, but on his way to the community center to grab some much needed hot food, Clint couldn't help but recognize a familiar pair of shoulders that came around a corner and started heading down the walkway.- Ike-Hey! -He called out quickening his stride to find himself shoulder to shoulder with the other man.- Y'git a bit of a break too? 

ike apatow -he gives a good-natured grunt of agreement and acknowledgement, not slowing down or pausing -- Clint's got long legs too -- as he keeps heading to the kitchen- Yep, smoke 'em if you got 'em time. And man, I wish I had 'em. But whatever they cooked for us today is gonna have to do. -he slants a sidelong look at Clint- You been going out? Or staying in?

Clint Bennet -He keeps up with the other mans pace, not blaming him for not wanting to waste time.- Goin' out. -He responds simply before jutting his chin at the other- I know I ain't even got t'ask you. What do they got y'doin' outside th'walls? -The both of them came through the door, and Clint breathed in the scent of the food, he was pretty sure he smelled squash, one of the veggies they didn't seem to be running out of.- I'm just hopin' fer  some protien at this point...

ike apatow -he snickers, then ventures- I think Astor brought in a couple turkeys. He's a dick but he's reliable when it comes to bringing in the goods. And yeah, I've been doing outside stuff, mostly hit-and-run. I don't care for all this guerilla shit, I like working on my own stuff, raiding stuff, but we all gotta pitch in, right?

Clint Bennet Never thought I'd be grateful t'him... -Clint mutters under his  breath. He watches as Ike explains his adventures, giving a nod before he grabs himself a plate.- Are y'at least able t'work with yer team? Or are ya gettin' pulled in every direction?

ike apatow They're each of 'em well trained and used to being out past the wire, so it's made more sense for us to split up, accompany people who maybe aren't leaving town so often. Which is kind of nerve-wracking, Clint, if you wanna know the truth. -he dishes out some of what looks like a turkey casserole onto his dish, filling the spoon again and hovering it over Clint's plate if he wants any- I mean, hell -- taking townies out there even on a predictable milk run is always a crapshoot, much less this. Taking it to a group like the fuckin' Daybreakers.

Clint Bennet Shit, I can imagine. -He responds with a sympathetic look, giving a nod to accept the spoon full of food he was offering, supporting the plate as the food fell on it. He moved on, grabbing some bread and returning the favor of offering it to Ike.- Th' raiders, hunters, n' outside security are used t'bein outside, everyone else seems t'have lost some of that instinct, despite tryin'. So far I've worked with  Nicki, Silvy, David n' Leigh. Felt on edge with  Silvy n' Leigh, no fault of their own... We should have done more trainin' fer everyone... now we're scramblin',

ike apatow Ahhh, I dunno. -Ike holds out his place to accept the bread as they move along the counter- People here train all the time, whether out of boredom or paranoia or to get a better booty or whatever, but everything's different when you're looking at trained fighters who're actively gonna fuck you up if they catch you. That's beyond even learning how to stick a walker in the head. -he grunts, considering the ubiquitous roasted squash- Real people. That's always what's gonna trip you up.

Clint Bennet -Clint had to pause to look back and catch what Ike was saying, in the walls he opted not to wear his hearing aids, batteries were far and few in between and he needed a break from the noise. Ike had good points, Clint was finding that he was a lot more short sighted than the other, there were things that Clint hadn't considered that Ike seemed to naturally know.- Yer right...-He comments getting himself a spoonful of the squash. He thought about offering some to Ike but the expression on the  other man's face made it seem like maybe he didn't want any.- I don't know much about this group... just the details comin' out as we're gettin' assigned tasks. With all this preparin' I feel like everyone's on edge waitin' fer th'other shoe t'drop...

ike apatow A whole god damn Payless, more like it. -he dithers some more about the squash, then decides against it, grabbing an apple instead- I can't decide whether it's better that some of us know the Daybreakers and the way they work, or if that's more antsy-making. But we're doing what we can, right? -Ike squares his shoulders, almost visibly throwing off the weight of what's facing them- If you know any old Cajun weather spells, now's the time for 'em, Clint. We need snow and lots of it.

Clint Bennet With both their plates situated, Clint leads Ike to a table close enough to the fireplace to cut through the cold that was clawing at the walls.-  Y'think people willl panic if they know what they  can do? -He questions, taking a bite. He was going to ask Ike to give him more insight but from the look of the other, he needed a break from thinking about them. He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head at Ike's request.- I dunno if y'know this... but m'neck of th'woods ain't known fer gettin' a ton of snow if any. Y'want a hurricane though, I got y'covered. -He rests his elbow on the table rubbing a bit at his forehead.- How are ya holdin' up with everythin'? I  know it's knockin'  th'wind out of m'sails...

ike apatow I'm not doing that bad, all told. After being townbound with my head healing up, I got a lot of pent-up energy at my disposal. -he tucks in, concentrating on the casserole for a while before returning to the conversation- Although I needed to get my mind back in the business, too. That took a little longer. -Ike lifts his chin at Clint, to encourage him to keep talking- You're finding the outside jobs draining? Or is it the whole idea of the Daybreaker threat?

Clint Bennet -Brows knit together when Ike mentioned the head injury.- That's the one from the outin' with Renee? -He had only heard about it from her, it must have been more serious than he imagined for him to be townbound for so long. He took another bite, considering Ike's question and responding with a shrug of his shoulders.- I dunnoknow what it is... I'm used t'bein outside th'walls, I've done jobs goin' out further plenty of times. Feel like when I'm walkin' back through those gates though, I just want t'collapse. Everythin's fine 'til then.

ike apatow Yeah. -it takes a moment, but then Ike blinks at Clint- The outing with Renee. That's how people know it? Huh. -he abandons his savoury food for a while, opting for the apple- It's a lot to cope with. You get used to the idea of walkers -- and that takes a lot of fuckin' getting used to -- and then you gotta recalibrate to understand why actual living people are attacking each other. Wears the brain out.

Clint Bennet -He was a little perplexed at Ike's reaction, wondering if he didn't explain it well.- Renee told me, y'all went out t'get some medical supplies, includin' m'hearin' aid, thank ya fer that by th'way. She said she did somethin' stupid n' ran in 'cause she got pissed 'n went inta th'buildin', said there were walkers in there and her fuck up ended up  with y'gettin' scalped. That's th'gist of it, sure there's things I'm missin'. -Clint had a hard time putting his feelings or the reasons for his feelings into words, it was something he always struggled with, but he knew Ike was patient and knew more about him than anyone else at this point. The reason didn't matter so much, but he appreciated Ike's interest in it and his tendency to prod until he got to the bottom of things.- I don't think that's it, I'm used t'the biters... n' y'know I'm all too familiar with how shit people can be. -His eyes narrow slightly at the other, knowing he would pick up what he was putting down.- Th'whole time I'm out there, I can't help but worry what's goin' on back here. Damn radio keeps makin' me jump thinkin' they've finally  made their move... I think that's what's wearin' me out.

ike apatow That's as good a mythology as any, I suppose. -Ike shakes his head, dismissing the subject of the disastrous clinic raid, or Renee's part in it, or anything- Doesn't matter much. Everyone has an oncoming storm of shit to get under their umbrellas from right now. -he gnaws on his apple, abandoning the last third to return to the casserole as Clint edits and corrects Ike's suppositions- Being on edge in general, or being on edge about Redwood's safety? You could shift gears, Clint. Stay around home and hold down the fort. God knows there's plenty enough in town that needs doing. That way you'd at least cut down on the worrying from being away from town.

Clint Bennet -The situation with Renee definitely seemed to be a sore subject for Ike and like Clint had guessed, both he and Renee seemed to have vastly different recollections on the event. Still, Clint didn't know if that was a bear he wanted to jump at, he didn't want to poke at still scabbing scars, in this case, literally.- I dunno, Ike, if y'wanna  talk about it, I'll listen, she completely took th'blame when talkin' t'me though if it helps at all. -His shoulders shrug again when Ike made his suggestions. He took another bite and considered his words.- Worryin's all I do, whether I'm in here or out there, it don't matter, I'm gonna worry 'bout where I ain't and who I ain't with. I'm of more use out there. -He meets the other  man in the eyes- Besides, I'd get stir crazy in here before long. There ain't no winnin' but I'm not expectin' t'find comfort, not with all this goin' on. I'm fine Ike, I'll git used t'it, cope like everyone else has been.

ike apatow Well, bully for her. -he picks up his apple again, alternating bites of it with the turkey casserole- It's fine. I'm not interested in some kinda he-said, she-said situation, especially against Doctor Saint Renee Mother of Redwood. -Clint talks about his chronic worry, and he sounds like he's thought this out before, so Ike grunts in acknowledgement- Awright, then. But all the same, Clint -- there's a certain amount of hurry-up involved in what's going on, yeah, and I'm sure you know your own limits, but it's easy to burn out when you're on that hypervigilance kick. We both know what that's like. I'm gonna be checking in on you to make sure you're not at the end of your wick without knowing it.

Clint Bennet -well there was certainly no mystery when it came to how Ike felt about Renee. It was a little surprising that they were on such bad terms considering how much Clint enjoyed the both of them.- Got it boss, say no more. -he comments, dropping the subject completely and tasting some of the squash which tastes surprisingly good, he takes another bite, watching Ike as he spoke, making it clear that Clint was fully on his radar which was a nice sentiment, but not a burden he wanted to put on Ike, or have Ike put on himself. Still he knew better than to try to change the man's mind once he spoke it out into the universe.- I hear ya, Ike, I'll watch m'self, promise. Last thing we need is any one of us spiralin'. -he jutted his chin at the other.- N' you? Don't mean t'rub salt in th'wound here, but yer lookin' pretty tired too, yer not pushin' too far past yer limits are ya?

ike apatow -he snickers, reaching to steal some squash from Clint's plate for himself- I'm fine. All healed up, not pushing myself. There's just been some things piling up on me that I'm working through, but moving outside of the town's been good for that. I feel like I can recalibrate and ... and fuckin breathe. It was getting a little tight staying in the walls. -he's caught somewhere between wistful resignation about that, and cheerful positivity about the new living situation, taking another piece of squash and waving it to punctuate his talking- People don't seem to believe me when I ay it, but honest injun, Clint -- I take care of myself pretty good. Sometimes the tired's just unavoidable.

Clint Bennet -eyes watch the other and a smirk plays on his lips when Ike helps himself to the food on his plate.- Anything I can help take off yer plate? -He hums, glad Ike was finding comfort in his new house. Especially after their last conversation during the prom, he was sure Ike would appreciate a space all to himself.- When yer ready fer visitors let me know, I've been keepin' m'eye out fer a housewarmin' gift, just haven't found th' right one yet. -he flashes the man a smile before clarifying- I'm lookin' fer somethin' real stupid, somethin' only you'd be able t' appreciate, th'type of shit that would make other people blush but would make you laugh. -he takes another bite watching Ike flail the squash around as he spoke, sure it would fly clear off his fork but to his amazement it stuck on.- I believe ya Ike, n' y'got your raider family t' watch over ya too. It's my selfish need t' want t' return th' favor.

ike apatow -Ike gives a noncommittal grunt when Clint prompts for info on when he might be up for a visit to the graveyard cottage, reluctant still to let anybody think they had an invitation, but his interest is piqued when Clint continues on to muse on what the housewarming gift might be- Well. I have always had a taste for the vulgar and sheer stupid. -he hoots in soft, huffing laughter at the idea- Can't wait to see what you come up with, Clint. Now you've gone and tickled me right in my curiosity spot. -he eats the squash, rescuing it from taking flight, still not thinking about it much when he snitches yet another piece from Clint as if this had been agreed on in advance- Naw, don't think of it that way, favours. I don't like that system myself so I never hold anybody else to it. Things you do for other people, you release into the world and that's that. -finished eating now, Ike puts his fork down and splays his fingers in the air to articulate what the releasing looks like-

Clint Bennet -Ike didn't need to say anything, his body language said it all and Clint felt like someone's home was a boundary that didn't need crossing.- Or, I can leave it at yer door like th'shirt on yer birthday. You'll know who it's from. -He offered the alternative tearing off a piece of bread and taking a bite.- Guess that makes two of us. When I see it, I'll know though, hopefully y'git a kick out of it when it shows up on yer welcome mat, whatever th'fuck it ends up bein'. -He watches Ike snatch another bite, feigning annoyance at the man, but taking another bite of bread regardless, watching as he spoke. His shoulders shrug as Ike denies him.- Well, in that case, it's just cause I want to, no favor or nothin' involved. Cause I care 'bout ya.

ike apatow I like that. On my doorstep like a package delivery. That would be nice. -Ike's mood sobers slightly, though, when Clint stops wanting to return favours and offers something else instead, an expression of care not predicated on anything except his own feelings- That would be even nicer. I'm not the kind of man to push away people who want to care for me, Clint -- I appreciate it, for a number of reasons I won't get into over supper -- I just need them to know that one size doesn't fit all. I'm me and there's stuff that works for me and stuff that doesn't, stuff I want and stuff that just sounds to me like you might as well have gotten me a random Hallmark card. You know what I mean?

Clint Bennet Call me FedEx then. -He grabs one of the last remaining squashes before Ike has a chance to finish them all off. He looks up at him, chewing as Ike explains himself. Clint responds with a nod, wavering side to side before he swallows.- I think I get ya. Not gonna say I ain't gonna fuck it up from time t'time... maybe most of th'time, but I feel like I'm gettin' t'know ya enough t'git it right at least once. -He shoots Ike a smile before he takes a drink of water.- M'goal is t'not make things worse.

ike apatow I'm pretty good at saying outright what I like and don't like, don't worry. It's no big mystery so long as somebody pays attention. -he grins, clapping Clint on the back- Don't make a mountain out of my molehill, it ain't as serious as all that. I don't like generic, what're they called ... platitudes. That's all. Maybe it's from growing up with all the blanket religious catechisms, y'know? Biblical advice that's supposed to apply to everyone across the board even if it really doesn't. 

Clint Bennet Mm, sometimes y'like t'paint with broad colorful strokes around it. That's where the payin' attention comes in I suppose. -He points out with a chuckle as Ike smacks him in the back, something he was getting used to, he preferred it over having his hair grabbed though.- Naw, no mountain, just me, talkin' out m'ass. -He took another drink as Ike brought up something he wasn't expecting, some more of his upbringing, the story of the goat was starting to make more sense.- Y'know, y'never told me anything 'bout yer upbringin'. Did y'grow up in a... Convent? Is that what they're called? Or was it somethin' else? - Maybe he had a super religious parents, but the way Ike brought it up made Clint feel like it was more intense than that, like it built his world view and his view of himself.-

ike apatow A convent's for nuns, so no to that. I'd look great in one of those wimples, though. -he snickers at the idea, stretching out his legs under the table and starting to fiddle with his drinking glass for something to do- I grew up in a real rural town -- off the grid, rural, anything we could make for ourselves, we did -- and it was ... I mean, it was a cult.  -Ike rolls his shoulders back, crinkling his nose slightly- That was all I knew until I reached twenty and couldn't take it anymore, the things they asked of me. So I ran.

Clint Bennet -He laughs and shakes his head imagining Ike in the full nun getup, stubble and all.- Y'd be causin em all t'break their vows right n' left. -He teases, but listens seriously when Ike starts to barely scratch the surface of his childhood, at first it didn't sound so bad but it all clicked together when Ike used the word Cult, Clint sat back feeling like there was another piece to the puzzle that was Ike, fitting into place.- Must have been a culture shock, goin' from livin' like that t' th'city, even if by choice. I'm sorry y'grew up like that, Ike.  Y'ain't gotta go into specifics, but it must have been a lot t'make y'want t'leave it all behind 'n run.

ike apatow Culture shock like you wouldn't believe. I had no idea how the secular world worked. We didn't even use money in Ark, everything was communal or bartered. It was a steep learning curve. -Ike draws out the last sentence wryly, the understatement of it clear in the way he lets go of his glass to scratch one short fingernail against the table- Cults like in Ark rely on a lot of different ways of controlling you and they're all ... pretty damaging. I left all my sisters behind. That was the worst part, knowing I got out and they didn't. But I couldn't look back. -Ike shuts his eyes for a moment, lips pressed together tight, mouth twitching slightly to one side before he collects himself again- So, y'know. Drugs.

[soawen]

Come Fly (Pangaea fic for Silvy)

Title: Come Fly

Author: Soawen

Summary: After the Final Battle, Rannon has trouble seeing anything but a battlefield when he approaches a zenaqet board. Combine that with the darkest night coming up, and he’s in free fall. Fortunately for him (and his surroundings), Khata is used to dealing with foolish ZanTaoyakas.

Warnings: Mentions of battle, a so not realistic cure for the aftermath of war

A/N: https://pangaea.silvystrand.se/?p=1849 is the cause of this. I realize Rannon and Khata are being all bad-ass here (no better player indeed!), but maybe the aftermath was less ... fun.

Isokell was careful not to scowl when Rannon carefully stepped around their zenaqet board and ignored their game completely despite it being his turn.

Not that she minded how he sank down next to her with a murmur of her name, not at all, but it was so frustrating that he didn’t want to talk about the lack of- of- she didn’t know what, only that he had stopped playing after what had become known as the Final Battle, claiming that he had played enough, and only that he was not getting any better with new year and its dark night closing in.

She would have pulled down the sun and tied it to his arm if she could, just so he would have light.

Or maybe she should just settle for a good whack at his head, knock some of his former sense into him.

“Rannon-“ she began, but another voice dwarfed out hers and it took her a hammering heartbeat or two to recognize it as Khata’s.

“Rannon. Come fly.”

*

Khata was a patient being, she thought. For instance, she hadn’t eaten any of the stable boys, tasked with keeping her home neat, even when they squealed so amusingly when she sneaked up upon them. (One of them had earned her grudging approval, though – he hadn’t made any noise, just looked her up and down, bowed, and waited until she was outside before fainting. Good kid.)

She also liked queen Isokell and would graciously allow the human to feel her face, fangs and spines included, because no one else had dared ask if she was as warm to the touch as they imagined.

But Rannon, the man who had dared climb upon her back when told to do so, who had kept his composure and played an exquisite game of real life zenaqet while so many others had died screaming in fear under them, who could sympathize with her loss of her twin… He was so different once on firm ground.

Gone was the hastily squashed joy of flying – and yes, she had known from the light in his eyes, no matter what he had denied to himself.

Gone was the human that had won her respect.

She had overheard some of the court gossip as they walked by her home (at an appropriately respectful distance, of course, but her ears were keen), and apparently it was ‘worse than usual around this time of year’.

Now, Khata wasn’t stupid and had made the connection between the encroaching darkness and her rider’s sour mood (surely it couldn’t be the battle – it had turned out well, had it not? Despite her not being allowed to eat anyone). What she didn’t get was why he didn’t just set something ablaze and warmed himself by the fire, but Isokell had very politely told her of the custom of the darkest night and requested no sudden bonfires, so that was out.

Hmph.

She rose from her resting place and went to the nearby royal gardens, sniffing a few flowers on the way, taking her time to make sure that quiet had descended everywhere, before rising to her full height and sticking her head through the balcony doors.

“Rannon. Come fly.”

*

“Rannon. Come fly.”

Staring blankly at the enormous head poking through what had been very pretty but apparently also very flimsy balcony doors, Rannon slowly let go of Isokell whom he had grabbed hold of as soon as the doors gave away.

“Khata,” he managed, “this is a surprise.”

“Khata, what a pleasant surprise!” Isokell said and eeled out of his grip, no doubt wanting to greet her guest properly.

The dragon growled and fixed him with a narrow stare. “Now.”

“Good thinking! Rannon, dear, remember your gloves and have fun.”

Flexing his hands, still a bit stiff after the many hours clinging to a sharp-edged dragon at the Final Battle, Rannon tried to formulate some form of protest, something, anything that would mean not going into the black night where even the stars were blocked by heavy clouds.

He failed, and suddenly his gloves were on and he was sliding down Khata’s neck to sit in place just before her shoulders, and Isokell was laughing in that way she did when she was trying to be quiet, and the ground disappeared with a high jump and a beating of mighty wings.

“Khata,” he finally managed, “Khata…”

“The words you are looking for are ‘thank you’,” she rumbled.

“Thank you,” he said automatically and then his stomach lurched as they rose steeply further up into the air and hit the clouds.

Rannon was now engulfed in darkness. He could see nothing. There was no light, no-

“Close your eyes,” Khata snapped, and he obeyed, taking the order to do anything that could get him away from this place with gratefulness.

He drew a shuddering breath. He might not be able to see anything, but Isokell lived with that every day and she was fine, she was fine she was fine she was stronger than him she-

“Look.”

It took him a few deep breaths but then he risked it, trusting Khata. If she had wanted to hurt him, she would have set him on fire, no doubt there, but quite frankly the damp cold that now permeated him made him welcome some warmth…

There was the palest of gold everywhere.

Clouds lit with starlight covered the darkness underneath, and when Rannon looked up, he could see the stars bright and clear, the familiar constellations being somehow even more eye-catching than usual, as if they were closer, and they were, they were, there was nothing to dull their light here, and there, a star shooting brighter and clearer than the others, and there an unfamiliar formation until he turned it over in his mind and it became part of his favourite constellation…

Khata carried him silently through the night until he went from shivering from cold to downright shaking and then took him down.

For some reason the clouds didn’t bother him this time around, his mind filled with stars, and he tumbled gracelessly to the grass, looking up at Khata with wonder.

The dragon reached out with a paw and allowed him to support himself there as he got back on his feet and gathered himself.

“There is always light somewhere,” she said, surprisingly gently before adding, “foolish human.”

Rannon bowed with as much grace as he had ever presented in the presence of other royals. “Thank you,” he said simply.

“Hmph.” Khata turned and stretched a bit before sauntering back to her stable.

Rannon winced as his inner thighs and hands reminded him that even leather was no match for dragonhide before going back to Isokell’s and his chambers.

She had long since retired to their bedroom, so she wasn’t there to see him approach the zenaqet board.

It was his turn.

Rannon made his move.

The end :)

[bengiyo]

The Warp Effect Ep 9 Stray Thoughts

Last time, we solved the current issues for Army and Kat. Kat teased a relationship with Jean, and now I need it. Kat also made me think about I May Destroy You all week, so there's that, too. Army and Joe learned how to be intimate in a way both could enjoy with Alex's help (clearly the most comfortable straight man). Kim is pregnant, but it seems like she doesn't want to keep it; Ice is excited to become a dad. Also, Nim and Bew broke up because Bew is going to America and is jealous of Mollie.

We're jumping right in to Jedi and Rose, who seem good about checking in when they go out. Unfortunately for Rose, Jedi clearly has an STD he's been avoiding dealing with.

Kinda interesting that the image for Jedi and Rose was witnessed by Alex, whereas in the others it feels like some other camera captured the image.

Oh, I do like Army leading with their HIV status. If Jedi is out there being unsafe, there's many debilitating things he could pick up and give to Rose. She has every right to be furious with him.

Due to the supernatural, I'll forgive this not-doctor and actual doctor disclosing patient information to others.

See-ew is wearing a Space Force shirt.

I don't think I had considered much which doctors trans women would visit about their sexual health depending on what paths they chose to pursue for gender confirmation.

Nim is pregnant, and Army's desire to be involved is giving me Queer as Folk vibes.

Okay, the excited little gay wiggle Fluke Pusit did for Army's mirth about becoming a father was good. He's talented, and treating this character seriously.

Good of Alex to cap off that conversation by reminding Nim that it's her choice and all of the men present support her. Alex is intriguing as a character, because he's still basically 18.

Very uncomfortable about pregnant Kim having alcohol and hanging out around smokers.

Chaladee and Phuwin are pretty good together. She's got to convey a lot of different feelings here, and Phuwin is responding in character as Ice really well. Managing an unwanted pregnancy when the non-pregnant partner wants it is not simple, and I like the way they're grounding Kim's reluctance. It's especially notable because we go back to the movie set, and Kim is clearly thriving here.

Yes, I am here for Mollie getting to loom.

Joong is very attractive, and I prefer when he has to bring more energy to his acting. GMMTV seems obsessed with making him play quieter and cool characters.

Babies are not a punishment for mistakes. It's also (currently) legal to get an abortion at this stage. I know the show is setting up this conversation to hammer home the point, and I'm going to reiterate it.

Oh, Jean. Also glad that we're acknowledging that any medical procedure can be scary, and few of us want to face that alone.

It was a very good choice to follow that scene with Ice talking to Alex. Despite their fraught relationship, Alex is still his brother, and he's a specialist on women's health issues. Alex steers Ice away from making the issue about him.

The timing of much of this is good. I like Army a lot here. He shares that he's actually excited at the prospect of becoming a parent, is willing to do it with Nim, and assures her he'll still respect her choice.

Interesting development! Jedi insists that he only has sex with Rose.

Joe and Army can't have one big moment without someone rolling up and immediately reaching for their phone. Goddamn. Y'all need to leave people the fuck alone. Joe isn't ready to be out, and he's going to blame Army for this because he came to the school.

The homoeroticism of laying on the floor after exerting yourselves together. We stay winning.

Placing Jan where her eyes would sparkle when she looked at Silvy was a gorgeous choice.

Jojo said, but what if the whole show was second chance romances??

I like that Nim and Mollie solved their own problem after others helped them with unrelated problems. It's a gentle message about how caring helps beyond the initial instance.

Is dressing like a flight attendant related in any way to what Captain did to Kat?

Another interesting development! Kat says Rose also insists she doesn't have sex with other people.

Alex thinking he possibly gave HPV to Kat was funny.

Newwie is actually pretty good in this role.

Oh, the mirror is a nice choice in the reconciliation between Jedi and Rose. They can finally face each other properly and clearly. They wanted to try being open, but realized it wasn't what they actually wanted. Still, I am invested in the answer about where they got infected.

I like how many scenes do double-duty in this show. We see Kat back on the wagon while also learning that Tony isn't a player.

Viruses are so annoying. I like the way this plotline with Jedi and Rose wrapped.

And look at Ice also coming through.

Jean looks so good.

So many problems next week! Liu is being harassed at work. Mollie is mad at Nim. Joe is being shoved deeper into the closet. Kat and Jean come to some big moment about Alex. Goddamn.

[shelby-love]

JAY HALSTEAD

Mourning

Requested: yes

Prompts:  “I let you down. How am I supposed to forgive myself for that?” ; "We have to tell him. He deserves to know." ; "He won't be able to handle it. He'll self-destruct." ; "You are always the 1st priority to me.”

Warnings: heavy angst (mentions of blood, stab injury, detailed hospital arrival, miscarriage, death), sad

Authors note: This made me shed a tear. The ending is sad but hopefully positive. Good luck!

~

You happily skip to work. Turns out your morning sickness is the first sign of your early pregnancy. You hold your still not visible belly and greet everyone in the district with a cheery voice.

Sargent Platt looks at you weirdly but decides not to press it as you lean against her reception desk. "Hello."

"What happened to you? You're glowing," She scans you top to bottom over the desk. You don't give her anything to make her suspect. With a bright smile and a wink you start waking up the stairs. You make the best of your current emotions because you know the moment you throw up again you'll have your day ruined.

You experienced the sickness quite early, but you went to the doctor after a full two weeks. You just didn't think anything of it. A yesterday it got so bad that you ditched Jay and drive yourself to the doctor's office. You're 7 weeks along.

You didn't mind. You knew Jay would be happy about this baby. A few months ago you brought up the subject and you two said that when you get pregnant, at whatever time or point in life, both of you will be happy whether or not the baby was planned.

"Good morning sunshine," Your boyfriend's voice startles you. He stands by the coffee machine with a cup of hot steamy coffee in his hands. He raises the cup, "You want some babe?"

"Nah I'm good," You approach him with the same glow and give him a kiss.

"Someone's happy," He notes and sits next to you at the table. You decided that, since today is Friday and you both don't have work tommorow you'd suprise him with the big news on a sunny Saturday.

Different ideas of how you'd tell him start blowing up in your head. One better than the other. He is going to be so happy.

You shrug innocently.

"Halstead, Y/LN. Noise complaint at abandoned building, thought you two might want to check out." Your Sargeant, Hank Voight announces. Since today started off calmly you just shrug and stand up. Those calls aren't that bad. "I'll have patrols near you two just in case."

"Don't worry we got this," Jay says and grabs you your jacket. You stand in front of him as he helps you put it on. An image flashes in your mind briefly. You with a big belly standing in front of Jay as he helps you put your jacket on. You smile.

"Alright. Let's go," You say and follow your boyfriend outside.

***

You hold the flashlight above your gun. You can see Jay's light behind you and that incourages you to step in further. Both of you swore that you heard a woman scream. It was loud and clear. But even if your hearing was messing with you (it didn't because you both heard the same thing), in places like this one, unexpectedly, you can find a lot of dope. Different types of drugs all gathered up at one place. It was worth looking into for sure.

You and Jay decide to separate from each other just for a little bit. When your whole unit is together in situations like this one, Jay and you never separate. But you needed to cover as much ground as you could.

You turn several different corners and find no thing and no one. You move your hand to grab your radio. At that small moment, with calculated movements a masked person jumped at you with what looked like a knife. The look in his eyes gave you creeps and you didn't have time to react before he stabbed you.

Not once. Not twice.

Three, four, five, six times.

After that you could barely stay conscious. Blood was pouring out of you like Niagara falls. And so were your tears. They traveled down your face in messy streaks. My baby.

Then you hear a gun shot. The masked man fell right down next to you. You didn't know where to look. You clutched your stomach. He hurt my baby.

"Y/N babe look at me. Hey stay with me!" Jay's rough hand cupped the side of your face and clutched your bleeding stomach. Instead of holding his hand over yours because he wanted to feel the baby, he held it close because he didn't want you to bleed to death.

"We have an officer down, critical condition, stabbed by the offender! The offender is down dead shot fired by the police. I need an ambulance here immediately!!" Jay was barking orders into his radio like a crazy maniac. He didn't want to loose you.

"Baby please stay awake. Talk to me Y/N please!" Your head is lies in his lap. His shirt is now gone completely, it's nested at your bleeding belly already soaked completely. You're barely holding on, you keep gaging and vomiting blood. And just this morning you couldn't be happier for vomiting.

"I-I'm sorry Jay."

***

"Doctor Rhodes! Stab victim, you're going to Baghdad!" Maggie instructed and Connor immediately fled towards the incoming patient.

"Y/N Y/LN, 22-year-old female. Heart rate 100, BP 50/30. Found diaphoretic, in respiratory distress, and covered in blood. 6 stab wounds to her abdomen. We performed intubation on the scene." Silvie Brett recited your dangerous condition as you were rolled into the Gaffney emergency department. Connor Rhodes was schocked to see you. "Page Will. Now."

Your vitals were jumping at dangerous heights. "Alright let's transfer on my count. One, two, three!"

"Jesus Christ... Y/N?" Will couldn't believe his eyes. Jay was just outside shaking because of your condition. Will read your stats on the monitor and came to assist Connor. Will pressed his stethoscope over your chest and listened carefully, "There's diminished breath sounds on the left side."

"Blood is gathering around her left lung. Alright, April give me the kit we need to do a tube thoracostomy." April did as Connor said and preped his request. He cut a small line with the scalpel and inserted the tube. Blood spilled everywhere.

"Give me the ultrasound." Will instructed and April handed him the transducer on which she put one some gel. Will glided the transducer across your belly to look for any more internal bleeding. "Her major organs seem to be fine..." then he moved it downwards and was shocked to see a small baby inside. "She was pregnant."

He looked outside towards Jay and immediately knew you didn't tell him. Hell, he didn't even know if you knew. The baby was still so small, but it did have a heartbeat before the stab wounds. Will cursed.

Your vitals dropped rapidly at that moment. "She's in V Fib!" Connor yelled.

"On it." Will immediately hopped onto the bed and started doing compressions. He kept repeating, c'mon Y/N c'mon. Jay who stood outside lost it completely when he saw what was happening. Security and Dr. Ethan Choi had to hold him down.

"Charge to 200," Connor said as he grabbed the the padels. "Everyone clear."

Will pulled away and Connor shocked you. Nothing. "Do it again."

After three more tried Connor wanted to announce asistoly. "No, no, no Y/N c'mon. Connor one more time."

"Will she's gone."

"No Connor one more damn time please!" Will was on the verge of crying. Connor nodded and charged them again. "Clear."

You were brought back to life. "Okay let's get her to the OR immediately! She needs a diagnostic laparotomy and a D&C."

You were rushed out. Will stood in the middle of the trauma room surrounded by blood. "How is she?" Jay had tears around his eyes, he was tense and uncontrollably shaking.

"I don't know Jay... I don't."

For a second it looked like Jay was going to punch him square in the face but instead Jay leaned against his brother's shoulder and cried like never before. "I was supposed to ask her to marry me tommorow."

Will's heart broke at his words.

But what broke him even more was the fact that his younger brother lost a baby he didn't even know he'd have.

***

"She just went through a major surgery, I'd like to monitor her before we go any further." Connor told Jay. The whole Intelligence unit was there. Everyone was deeply concerned about you.

"What are we going to do Will?" Connor and he stood by your bed and watched your sleeping form.

"She knew about it I'm sure of it," Will said. "Let's talk to her when she wakes up. Page me when she does."

Will went to attend his other patients and after a few hours you woke up. "Hey Y/N how you doing?"

You tried to get used to the bright lights but with no avail. Everything seems foreign to you. Dark spots blurry your vision but you blink them away. My baby.

Tears spill down your cheeks uncontrollably. "M-my...baby."

Connor and Will share a look. "Y/N does Jay know?" Will asks you before he sits down next to you.

You shake your head. "I...I was only 7 weeks along." There's pressure in your throat which makes you cough, "I wanted to tell him tommorow." Your heart broke at your words. You blamed yourself for your recklessness.

Will sighed, "We have to tell him. He deserves to know."

You shake your head rapidly at that proposal, "He won't be able to handle it. He'll self-destruct." You know Jay. Maybe even better than Will. He would be heartbroken.

"Y/N as your doctors we have to tell him," Will fought back.

"As my doctors you have to keep my charts a secret." You tried to blink the tears away but they wouldn't go away. You were fighting a battle within yourself. You wanted to tell Jay but he's been through enough. "I lost my baby today. I found out that I was pregnant today."

"Y/N but Jay was the father of your baby. He has every right to know that he lost his child whether he knew about it or not." You understood where Will was coming from. The truth in his words hit you like a truck. He was right.

"Then...let me tell him Will," You squeeze his hand. "Let me."

"I'll go get Jay," Will announces and rushes out of your ICU room to get his brother. To get the love of your life.

"You're doing the right thing, Y/N. I'm so sorry for your loss." Connor says softly. You just nod weakly and turn your head away from him. Connor leaves not long after and you sob. Just this morning you were skipping to work, delighted about the news of your unborn baby. You did a stupid thing by going to work today. You put your weak hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs.

Drained you once again slip into unconsciousness.

"Hey Y/N take it easy..." Jay. He's helping you sit up on the bed a little. His eyes are red rimmed from crying and he looks like he didn't sleep for weeks. He's still in his grey shirt, it's covered in your blood. He didn't change because he never left your side. "God I was so worried."

You hold his hands in your lap and bring them to your lips. You press a small delicate kiss on both of his knuckles. "I'm so sorry baby."

You shake your head, "This isn't your fault Jay."

"Yes it is. I was supposed to protect you. I let you down. How am I supposed to forgive myself for that?" Tears gather around his eyes once more.

"Jay..." You try to pick your next words carefully. "Can you give me my bag?"

He turns his head and stands up. Your bag sits on one of the chairs in the corner. He grabs it and sits back next to you. "Open it. It's in one of the pockets."

The best way to tell him about it is to show him. You stop breathing as you watch him pull out the ultrasound from this morning. The shock on his face is enough for you to break down is cries. "I'm so sorry."

He holds your hand in his as he looks at it. At first, a smile broke out on his face but then it was replaced by devastation. He realized you lost your baby because of today. That fact that your baby died from stab wounds broke his heart. You almost died from those stab wounds.

His silence killed you. You wanted him to yell at you. Anything. Just not silence.

Jay Halstead is a strong man. But when it comes to you all of his guards come down and he shows you his heart. He was hurting now. He lost his child but he was in no way angry at you.

The two of you cried together. You mourned the loss of your unborn child.

You blamed yourself and he kept reassuring you. He didn't have the heart to tell you that turns out, there's a lot more to the abandoned building noise complaint and to the man who he shot dead. And he was going to find them all.

"You are always the 1st priority to me." He cupped your face and kissed the free spirited tears away. "We're going to get through this. I love you Y/N Y/LN."

He loved you more than the world. You smiled weekly and kissed him. You poured all your emotion into the kiss. You were scared and sad but you will get through this. With Jay by your side and one day, you will have a family.

[its-nyakemi-nya]

Twisted Wonderland One Shot Raffle #4: Fluff!Lilia Vanrouge x Child!Female!Reader x Fluff!Malleus Draconia

pumpkiethepie: I'm so happy :') I don't know if it's possible, so tell me if you don't want to do it or don't understand because English is not my first language, I would like a one shot with a child!reader who arrives at NRC like in the game's prologue by coffin at the entrance ceremony but she's only 7/8 years old, and everyone is panicking and Reader is crying, so Lilia and Malleus take care of her and at the end they adopt her as their daughter, with lot of fluff and bonding moments, and maybe reader with a harsh past, please ~

Our fourth one shot nya! Won and requested by @pumpkiethepie nya! You’ve won twice already nya XD Dem, your lucky nya XD Gimme your luck nya XD Hahaha nya XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Twisted Wonderland nya. I only own the plot of this one shot nya.

P.S. I would like to apologise for Lilia and Malleus being OOC and my grammatical errors nya. Enjoy nya!

Everyone looked at you in confusion.

“I don’t believe my eyes! After many years of being a headmaster, I never imagined that a human from another world got transported here,” Crowley said, sulking, “You don’t have magic and what’s worse is that you’re a child!”

You just blinked as you scanned everyone in the room. Yes, I know that the boys in the room are gorgeous! However, you’re a child here. In your perspective, they look quite frightening and intimidating. You’re already quivering in fear.

“W-whe-where’s m-my mama and pa-papa?” You asked as you’re in brink of tears. They might not be good parents to you but it’s better to have a familiar face than none.

“Ummm..sadly, they are not here. Ummm...they are somewhere far away from here. You probably might not see them again,” Crowley answered. It’s probably not the best answer as you started to cry hearing the last sentence. Real smooth, Headmaster Crowley.

Everyone is either still at the state of confusion or in a state of panic. Who could blame them? You’re a child. The state of everyone is all thanks to errr...a certain one brain cell headmaster of NRC.

“That’s not how you should answer the child’s question, Headmaster Crowley,” Lilia said as he walked towards your crying figure.

You looked up to him with tears in your eyes. He smiled, crouched down your level and patted your head, “There, there, little one. Hush now.” He carried you and started to caress your hair. 

Little by little, you were calmed down my the soothing feeling and eventually, you fell asleep in his arms.

________________________________

“Since when did we allow that child to be here?” Sebek asked angrily as he glared at your small figure.

You hid behind Lilia’s leg while holding his uniform tighter as you’re eyes started to tear up.

“No, now, Sebek. You’re scaring her,” Lilia said.

“Oh my. What’s with all the commotion?”

“Young master,” Sebek bowed at Malleus.

“Greetings, Sebek, Lilia,” Malleus greeted the two. Then his eyes fell upon your frightened figure.

He looks at you and smiled. You slowly went out of your hiding spot, which was behind Lilia’s leg, and walked towards him. You stared at him for a few seconds and realized that he’s a good person. That and you’re quite fascinated with his horns. You extend your arms towards him and said, “Up, up.”

Lilia smiled, “Looks like the little lady wants you to carry her.”

“The nerve of-”

“I don’t mind” Malleus said, cutting of Sebek, as he carried you right into his arms. You giggled as you tried to reach for his horns.

Malleus chuckled at your gesture, “Now, now, little one. Do you really want to touch my horns?”

Sebek gritted his teeth since Malleus is allowing you to do so. Take not that he can’t really bear to see you treat Malleus like that even if you are just a child.

“Anyways, what’s this child of man doing here?” Malleus asked Lilia, still carrying you in his arms.

“The Headmaster practically gave her to me and assigned me to be her guardian along with this raccoon too,” Lilia answered as he showed Malleus Grimm, who he’s holding by his fur.

“Let go of me!” Grimm squirmed out of Lilia’s grasp but with no luck.

“I see,” Malleus said, “Well then, little one. What’s your name?”

“[First Name]!”,  You answered, “What are your names, misters?”

“Misters?!” Sebek exclaimed, “I’ll have you know that-”

“It’s fine,” Malleus said to Sebek, “I’m Malleus. That is Sebek. And the one who brought you here is Lilia.”

“Mally, Seb and Lily?” You tilted your head.

“If that’s you wish to call us and please do so,” Malleus said while Sebek’s jaw dropped that flies can get inside of it. Lilia just smiled at the nickname.

“Anyways, it’s night time. You’re going to need to sleep.”

________________________________

“Are you sure I can sleep on the bed?” You asked.

“Yes,” Malleus answered.

“With you?”

“Of course. Why not?”

“You’re so nice, Mally! Nicer than my own parents!” You said.

Malleus raised an eyebrow, “Care to tell me about your parents?”

“Mama and Papa often argue while I get caught in between. Whenever I disturb their arguments, I get punished. They locked me in a dark closet alone. But I still love them no matter what,” You said as you smiled.

Malleus admired you. Despite you’re being treated trash by your parents, you still love them and you still find a way to smile.

________________________________

“Lily!” You hugged his leg. Lilia smiled as he patted your head.

“How are you today, [First Name]?” Lilia asked.

“I’m fine, Lily. Silvy is fun to annoy,” You said.

“Aren’t you mischievous, [First Name]?” Lilia said, giving her a teasing smile.

“I was so bored without you or Malleus,” You whined.

Yes, it has been months since you live here in Diasomnia along with Grimm. You lived a good life here...well minus the glares and lectures you’re receiving from Sebek. Otherwise, it’s nice.

Lilia would always sing you lullabies before you go to sleep. Malleus would often tell you stories and braid your hair. There was a time that you and Lilia messed up the kitchen, receiving an almost never ending scolding session from Sebek. Whenever you get nightmares, either Malleus or Lilia would comfort you. There were even times that the three of you would sleep together in the same room. You’ve melted their hearts. They treated you like a daughter, something your parents never did. You wished that this moment would last forever.

“Great news! We have found a way to bring you back to your own world? Isn’t it exciting?!” Crowley suddenly entered with a big smile on his face. Well, way to ruin the moment, Headmaster Crowley.

“What?!”

________________________________

“But I don’t want to go back home!” You cried on Malleus’s chest.

“Believe me, we don’t want to let you go either,” Malleus said, caressing your hair.

“Wah! I want to live here! I want to live with you, Lily, Silvy and even Seb! Wah!” You started to cry harder.

“We’ll try our best and talk to the headmaster about it,” Lilia said, rubbing your back. He then carried you like a baby and started to sing a lullaby once more. Soon, you fell asleep in Lilia’s arms. 

The two tucked you in bed and left you to sleep alone for the first time in Lilia’s room.

________________________________

“What should we do about this, Malleus?” Lilia asked.

“There’s only one thing we can do, Lilia,” Malleus answered Lilia, “You don’t mind if we do that?”

“Of course not. [First Name] is precious to me,” Lilia said, “Let’s go tomorrow to the headmaster along with [First Name].”

________________________________

“Are you taking me back home, Mally, Lily?” You asked the two as you started crying already.

“No, we’re not. We’re going to talk to the headmaster about it,” Malleus answered.

Lilia knocked on the headmaster’s door. Crowley soon responded and you lot entered his office.

“Ah! Mr. Draconia, Mr. Vanrouge and [First Name], this is rare,” Crowley said.

“Headmaster, please listen well what we have to say,” Malleus said.

“Go on then,” Crowley urge Lilia and Malleus to continue.

“We want to adopt [First Name] as our daughter!” The two said simultaneously.

“What?!”

“Eh?!” You stopped crying.

“Over the past months, we’ve bonded with [First Name] and we love her as if she’s one of our own,” Lilia said.

“We will not let you take her back home,” Malleus added.

“Mally, Lily,” You stared at the two parent figures in your life.

“W-Well...that is a dilenma. Surely, [First Name] would like to-”

“No! I don’t want to go home!” You yelled, “I want to stay with Mally and Lily! I love them! They’re my papas!”

“We rest our case,” Malleus said.

Crowley sighed, “Very well then. I won’t return her back to her own world. I’ll even let her stay here in Night Raven for I am graciously kind. However you two will be responsible for her. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” The two responded.

________________________________

“Yay! I get to be with you forever!” You cheered as you hugged both of their legs.

They looked at you and then at each other and smiled. You love them and they love you. Nothing matters anymore in your old world. This is your world now.

BONUS SCENE:

“Meanie Sebby! Gimme some cookies!” You whined as you started to hit Sebek on his leg.

“Grrr! Darn you, [First Name]!” You’re luck that you’re young master’s daughter!” Sebek said.

“My, my, what’s going on here?” Malleus asked as he entered the kitchen along with Lilia.

“Meanie Sebby doesn’t want to give me cookies,” You pouted as you went to their side.

“Sebek, please give her some cookies,” Malleus ordered Sebek.

“Yes, young master,” Sebek said begrudgingly, annoyed that Malleus is on your side.

You stick your tongue out at Sebek while he just ranted silently.

Yup, you so don’t want to return to your old world. You can’t mess with Sebek if you go back. After all, annoying him is fun!

[remusownsmyuwus]

In Your Arms (In Your Wings)

This fic was inspired by @delimeful 's au

Taglist: @blanketflakes @iwantafroyo @aleiimm @xbrad-pitifulx

Genre: Fluff, very mild, resolved angst

Warnings: Swearing, crying, self-deprecation, probably some that I missed I'm sorry

Words: 1,970

Author's note: You know it, I know it. @xbrad-pitifulx knows it. My mutuals know it. I'm their writing slave. Please let me out of the cell I wrote another story and this is for them! :) I also used *these* to mark where italics would go, so I might have missed some.

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Virgil crawled toward Patton’s room, wings tucked neatly against his back. He felt a little guilty, lying to the Moral side this way, but it was worth it. Patton had spilled his guts to Virgil, although he didn’t know it was Virgil, for several weeks now. Virgil, transformed into the small, cat-sized dragon he became when particularly overwhelmed or stressed. He used a claw to scratch at the back of an ear before getting to Patton’s door and nudging his head through the catflap Patton had installed after Virgil’s second visit. 

“Oh! If it isn’t little Silvie!” Patton squealed, swinging his legs off of his bed and sitting up. Virgil took a few steps into the room, letting the catflap close behind him. Patton stood up off the bed and crouched down in front of the little dragon, whose tail was moving slowly from side to side.

"Sivie, you're looking so very extra cute today! Want to hear about my day?" Patton's voice was happy with only a tinge of sadness, and he hadn't been crying when Virgil came in, so at least there was that. Virgil scurried forward, bumping his scaly forehead against Patton's leg in a way he hoped seemed oblivious.

"Well, this morning I was fixing breakfast for everyone, and I noticed yesterday that Logan was really bothered about something, I can never tell what. He's so much smarter than me." Virgil gently closed his mouth around Patton's finger to remind him that he was smart, smarter than Logan in a lot of ways, in a lot of ways that mattered, too. Patton chuckled.

"Anyway, I decided to make crêpes because he likes them, he just fills them with Crofter's. Isn't that funny, Slivie?" Patton had pulled Virgil into his lap, gently stroking along the scales of Virgil's back. "So I was just finishing the batter and grabbing the Crofter's from the cabinet so he wouldn't have to grab it himself, when he walked down the stairs." Patton paused for a moment, seeming to shuffle his thoughts and compose himself, absent-mindedly stroking Virgil's scales.

"He walks into the kitchen, and he looks at me, and he says, "I'm looking for Virgil. Have you seen him?" and I say "Sorry, Logan, I haven't seen him today.' and Logan seems to be looking right through me, right through me, you know? And he says, "I haven't seen him since the day before yesterday," so I say "okay, if you find him, tell him to come down for breakfast," and he just…" Patton trailed off, moving a hand under Virgil's chin, scratching lightly. "Turns to go. To leave! So I say, "Take care of yourself," and he turns around and he says to me, "Patton, I need your help."" Patton stopped scratching, letting his head fall back and bump against the frame of his bed.

"He never asks me for help. Ever. So now I know something's really wrong." Virgil felt uncomfort stew in his gut, felt like he was hearing a conversation he wasn't supposed to hear, if second-hand. "--So I said, "Sure, Logan! I'd love to help you!" And he looks at me with those big, brown eyes of his, and there's this far-away look to them, Silvie, like broken windows getting rained on." Patton moves his hand again, petting Virgil's wings, and Virgil leaned into the touch, because he knew Paton needed someone (or something) to be there for him.

"And then, right then, he says "I think I'm in love with someone."" Patton's eyes open from where they had drifted closed and he looks down at Virgil. Virgil stared up at him, surprised. He knew Logan felt, knew that just like the rest of them he felt sad and frustrated and happy, but… Virgil had always assumed that being so Logical, love, or at least the romantic kind, wouldn't be something he felt, one of the main reasons Virgil had squished his crush on Logan down so much.

""Congratulations!" I tell him, but he looks so worried. He looks like he's afraid his whole life is gonna crash down around him. So I take him by the shoulder and sit him down on the counter, and in the smallest whisper, he says to me, "I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he'll say no. Because I don't want to ruin the unsteady friendship we've developed. Because I couldn't live without him in my life." I'm so shaken, Silvie. I don't know what to do with myself. I say, "I'm sure he'd understand if he doesn't feel the same way," and he says, under his breath, like I'm not supposed to hear it, "But Virgil always blames himself, and I don't want him to blame himself for my… illogical behavior."" Patton stopped his stoking to look at the now very agitated dragon on his lap.

Virgil scampered around Patton's stomach, brain a mile a minute. Logan liked him romantically? And he cared about my feelings? Patton's hand gently stopped Virgil halfway through his third circle around himself.

"And then he looks up! And he sees that I heard him. And he got up, and he left. I wanted to give him time to cool down, but after Roman and I had finished cleaning up from breakfast, I went up to his room and I knocked on his door, and," Patton's voice was a tiny whisper. "I heard him crying, through the door. Full-on sobbing. So I knock, just loud enough to get his attention, and-" Patton was cut off by Virgil running off of his lap and darting through the catflap.

Logan needs me. He's crying, and he's alone, and he needs me was all that was running through Virgil's head as he took the stairs two at a time, his wings flapping when he jumped to give him an extra boost. He was already at Logan's door and had scrabbled at it for a good five seconds before he realized he was a) not human and b) very small compared to Logan. He hoped Logan didn't want to experiment on him or anything. But, it was too late.

"Hello? Come in?" Said a soft, hoarse voice from inside. Virgil, being unable to come in but hearing the brokenness is Logan's voice, rammed his head against the door a few times. "Fine, I'm coming," Said the voice, and gentle footfalls neared. 

The door swung open, and there was Logan, eyes red and puffy. “Hello?” Logan’s voice cracked, and a tear slipped out of his left eye. “Is anybody there?”

Virgil flapped a wing against Logan’s shoe, hoping to get his attention without being kicked or stepped on.

“Oh!” Logan said, crouching down to look at Virgil better. Up close, he looked wrecked. His hair was falling over his eyes, which were bloodshot, and his skin was blotchy with red patches and there were dark circles under his sunken eyes. He pushed lopsided glasses up his nose to stare at Virgil. “Would you like to come in?”

Virgil took a few steps forward, stopping with his face a few centimeters from Logan’s. He flicked out his tongue, licking a tear off of Logan’s cheek. Logan laughed and opened his arms for Virgil, who crawled into them.

Logan stood, looking from side to side before shuffling back into his room and closing the door with his foot, a tiny dragon held in his arms. He dragged his feet to the bed and sat down, making sure not to jostle Virgil. “Aren’t you a curious creature? I’ve never seen a dragon like you in the Imagination…” He lay back on the bed, Virgil resting on his stomach. Virgil settled his head against his claws, looking at Logan, whose chest was rising and falling evenly underneath him. 

“You want to know why I’m crying? Why I’ve been crying for hours?” Logan said to the air above him. Virgil tilted his head as if to invite Logan to continue. “I’m in love with… with a close friend. And he’s so wonderful, so smart and sarcastic and beautiful. And-” Logan’s voice died in his throat and he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. “-And he could never love me. He could never love me back, because I’m stupid, and I don’t understand humor, and I’m ugly.” Logan brought a hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes and pushing his glasses onto his forehead. 

Distressed, Virgil launched himself at Logan’s face, licking the tears off of his cheeks, trying to comfort him any way he could. Logan was brilliant, he was funny in that dry, professor-y way of his, and anyone with eyes could see that he was gorgeous.

Logan laughed wetly, tickled by Virgil’s tongue. “Stop, stop, I’m fine. I’m fine!” Logan moved a hand to playfully bat the dragon away. “I just wish Virgil would love me back.”

That stopped Virgil in his tracks, because yeah, Patton had told him, but to hear that- that Logan loved him? To have Logan tell him that he loved Virgil? It was too much to bear. He sat on Logan’s chest, dumbfounded.

“You okay?” came the voice of the logical side through Virgil’s reeling thoughts. Virgil looked at Logan, who looked worried, his eyes searching the dragon’s small form. Virgil crawled up to where one of Logan’s hands was resting against his chest, nuzzling against it, loving feeling the warmth of Logan’s skin against his scales. He couldn’t tell Logan that he did love him back in this state, but maybe Virgil could at least offer his (hopefully) future boyfriend some comfort. Well, if he still wanted Virgil after he would inevitably find out that Virgil was the dragon he had confessed to.

"I really love him. I just don't know how to tell him-" Logan began, but he was interrupted by the suddenly panicked dragon growing and glowing and scampering off his chest. Virgil realized what was happening, but it was already too late and he couldn't get out of Logan's room fast enough, so he settled for just getting off of Logan, ending up finishing his transformation lying next to a very shocked Logan.

"I can explain!" Said Virgil, although he really couldn't, but he could try.

"I admit, I'm a little shocked to see you here, Virgil. I'm-" Logan looked down at his hands, which were knotting around each other in his lap. "-Sorry, you had to hear that."

Virgil leaned forward quickly, grabbing one of Logan's hands. "Don't apologise! I- I-" Virgil's voice shrunk, mumbling into the hood of his hoodie. "I love you, too."

Logan's shoulders shook with a sob he swallowed. "That's so good to hear!" He squeezed Virgil's hand, his voice still hoarse from the crying. Virgil let his own tears fall, dripping off of his chin.

"I'm sorry for not… for just bursting in. I was just talking to Patton, and he said you were crying and I rushed here without thinking…" Virgil's breathing was ragged as he tried to explain, but he felt like his lame excuse fell short.

"You don't have to apologize for being here, Virgil. I feel much better, now that you're here."

"You do?"

"Of course I do, you're here." Virgil looked up at Logan when he said this, locking eyes with him.

"You know what would be even better than holding you hand?" Virgil said, rubbing his thumb across Logan's knuckles.

"I'm close to certain that this is perfection, but let's hear your idea."

Virgil kicked off his shoes and moved so he was lying on Logan's bed. He spread his arms, gesturing to Logan. "Come here, LoLo."

Logan breathed a laugh and crawled into Virgil's arms. "You know, you're right."

Virgil laughed and pulled Logan on top of him, wrapping his arms around the logical side's chest. "You doubted me?"

"Never."

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This was really fun to write! Thank you to @delimeful for the au idea, @xbrad-pitifulx for being my muse (as always), and to @sanders-stuffs and @blanketflakes for always supporting me!

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Postscriptum: Warning: this message from the author contains suicidal tendencies, intrusive thoughts, and depression + anxiety mentions.

Right now, I'm (the author) in a bad place. I'm depressed, my anxiety has been worse, and I feel useless and listless. Right now, the one thing I'm living for is this fandom. This blog, with it's followers in the single digits and the love I get from fellow fanders is what's keeping me alive, as well as my passion for writing. I'd just like to thank the people who continue to stand my existance on this website. You guys are amazing, and I'd like to thank all of you.

[musaeon]

@rentarc ♡’d for a starter!

     “Hmm...how should this go...maybe like this?”

     A sigh escapes his lips, as he lays down in the grass, looking up at the sky. He’d been out here for a while, trying to go through the scenes of both the play he was assigned to read for one of his classes, and the one he was going to audition for soon.

     Neither Alyssa or Silvi were around to help as well (they were both at practice; he couldn’t blame them they both needed to work for what they were doing, it wasn’t easy for either of them) and he didn’t want to be an inconvenience to them either. This wasn’t something that Elliot needed to worry them about anyways. Acting was what he was good at anyways, just like Alyssa with dance and Silvi with music. They all had their strengths and this is what his was.

     Still...didn’t mean that he couldn’t help but be nervous about it. Even if he knew all the lines, knew the movements in his head and how he was supposed to say everything, it wouldn’t mean anything if he couldn’t do it in the end. Was this how the other two felt at times? That they didn’t think they could do it?

     No...I can do this. Why am I doubting myself? Because what I think isn’t normal? That what I want to do isn’t normal? Aren’t I the one that says normal doesn’t exist?

     He can’t help but laugh at the thought, with how worried his thoughts had gotten. It wasn’t like him to be so worried after all. It’ll all work out in the end won’t it...

     He sits up, only to notice someone nearby. “Oh, did you want to join me? There’s plenty of space here and I don’t mind really.” After all, it wasn’t like this spot on campus wasn’t small or anything.