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let-them-read-fics · 4 years

Text

Ghostin'

Requested By @heyziggy: "Song prompt -- 'Ghostin' by Ariana Grande. Reader is dating Rosé and misses her lost lover."

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 3,676

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Death, Crying, Some Cursing, Some Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Did I write this between the hours of 1 and 8am? Yes, yes I did. Inspiration struck and I was able to crank this one out pretty quickly for you! I'm happy with it, and I really hope you guys enjoy it. Let me know what you think :)

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

There they are again. Those eyes that have haunted you for the past year, turning what little progress you've made to dust within a second. People say time heals all wounds, and yet that's never felt further from the truth than it does right now.

A rough tremble wracks through your body as you toss and turn, your limbs reaching out for someone that'll never be there again. She's calling out to you, her arms outstretched as she waits in vain. Your feet are rooted in their spot and no amount of effort possible can make them budge. Tears roll endlessly down your cheeks, a steady stream that feels all too real in the moment. As you scream out her name, you faintly hear your own being called; it's distant, but accompanied by a strong grip on your shoulders.

"...Y/N."

Upon jolting awake, your eyes open to find Rosé hovering over you, propping herself up on her elbow. A thin sheet of sweat has formed on your skin, and you attempt to ground yourself by looking up at her. Slowly but surely, her features overtake the ones still burning in your mind from the dream and you're able to breathe again. She brings a hand up to your cheek, brushing her cool fingers against it lovingly.

Despite the darkness, you can see the bags underneath her beautiful eyes. "I'm sorry, baby."

She simply shakes her head in response, whispering, "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here to take care of you."

In one motion, you pull her into your arms and bury your face in her neck. This isn't the first time this has happened, and you curse yourself for forcing her to grow accustomed to it. She tries to disguise how much it affects her too, but her efforts are always futile; you can read her like a book, knowing that every time that name falls from your lips in a hushed shout, her heart breaks a little more. She doesn't blame you for a second, but neither of you can deny the strain it puts on your relationship.

She adjusts the two of you so that you're laying against her as she soothingly rubs your back. Sweet words of affirmation are whispered into your ear, and the tears you've been holding back soon begin to fall. Some drop from her eyes as well, but she takes comfort in the fact that you're in her arms, allowing her to hold you. Most of the time you push her away, leaving yourself to suffer alone in some cruel form of self-punishment. But now, if only for tonight, you let yourself sink into her warm embrace.

----

1 Week Later -- The Anniversary

12 months ago, today. That's when your world shattered for the first time and everything fell apart. Your heart had been free of such pain until that fateful day, innocent and unaware that sadness like that even existed. That was the first time you ever truly questioned a higher power, baffled that any 'benevolent ruler' could steal such a bright light away from the world. Your first love -- the girl you once imagined spending forever with -- was killed in a hit and run, left to die alone on the pavement.

A majority of your youth belonged to her: the two of you grew up together, slowly falling until you had enough courage to make her yours. Countless memories were made, back when you had no idea how much they'd mean to you in the future. Life was fun with her: she made the mundane things interesting, and the adventures unforgettable. She was unashamedly herself, never stopping for a moment to give a damn about what anybody else thought of her. The two of you had each other, and that's all that really mattered. She was everything to you.

She was.

You still find her in the little things. Whether it be a commercial for her favorite cereal, a bottle of her signature perfume catching your eye as you shop, or even just a flash of her favorite color, you swear that she's still around. After spending so many years with her, it's nearly impossible to imagine her gone. She was so full of life and enthusiasm when her presence still graced the Earth that the thought of her being faded, that twinkle in her eye forever extinguished, seems like an insult to her legacy.

How are you supposed to move on from something like that? Rosé has been one of the only things keeping your head above water ever since she walked into your life, but a limit exists to what even she is capable of. After getting absolutely no closure, not even being able to see the perpetrator brought to justice, you're left to pick up the pieces. You've always been the type to deal with things on your own, finding it selfish to bring your loved ones down with the weight of your pain, but even you have to draw the line somewhere.

Perhaps that dream had been a sign -- some type of cosmic warning for what was soon to come -- because that line was crossed today.

Her family requested for you to return to your home town and celebrate her life with them. The invitation was extended to everyone she had touched before her life was taken, and even those who wished to show their support despite not having the privilege of knowing her personally. You agreed, and spent the day surrounded by people just as sad as you.

It was strange, at first; being back in the place you had so desperately tried to run from to escape the reality of what happened. But seeing all of them again reopened wounds that had never really gotten the chance to heal in the first place. Her parents' faces, so tired and troubled beneath the mask they attempted to put on, struck a chord within you. Her brother tried to be strong for them, you could tell -- but upon hearing his stifled sobs coming from upstairs, you could see how much it all still affected him. Your old friends were there as well, and their stories of your shared escapades only broke your heart more. It was a physical pain now, the once dull pinch giving way to a full blown ache. As you walked around her house, replaying all of your experiences with her, you felt empty again.

She meant so much to everyone she ever uttered a word to, and yet she was gone in the blink of an eye. You'd think that someone as incredible as her would get some sort of divine protection, if you will -- a blanket of defense against such a cruel fate. But life works in ways we don't understand, and we have to find a way to deal with that. You'd hoped returning here would help you on that quest, but you've come to learn that no one really has access to that elusive answer.

Though the day brought on the reunion of so many of you, it ended just as it had started: none of you any closer to closure. It would take time, no doubt, but you wished more than anything that the road to peace was a little shorter.

-----

Rosé

Sweet, incredible Rosé. She waltzed into your life two months after the incident. A breath of fresh air in every way, she brought light back into your life. She refused to stand by and watch as you slowly destroyed yourself, letting the walls crash down around you. She made everything secure again, successfully keeping you sane and grounded.

Falling in love with her was never something you saw coming. The emotions took their time in building up, every considerate thing she did for you adding to your list of reasons for loving her. It all accumulated until you couldn't hide it anymore, and even she could tell that she was getting through to you. Your fragile heart seemed to forget about its brokenness, because it soared at the mere sight of her.

The day she asked you to be her girlfriend was an emotional one, to say the least. You accepted without hesitation, but a nagging voice in the back of your mind suggested that being with Rosie was a treasonous act. Trying to move on felt wrong; your confused heart sent mixed signals, thinking it possible to wait for your ex's return.

But Rosie dealt with it perfectly -- better than you could have ever wished for. Not one time did she try to take your ex's place; she always respected your process and boundaries, and she never drew comparisons between your relationships. Rosé knew from the get-go that times would get rough, but she never shied away. Arguments happened, as they do with any couple, but she watched her tone and always took time to think before she spoke.

Constantly, she worked to get you to let her in. Sometimes -- rarely -- she succeeded. On the nights that you found yourself crying over her again, your heart aching like usual, Rosie was always next to you in an instant. She hated seeing you so distant and hard on yourself, and she vowed from the beginning that she would be a positive influence in your life.

------

The Birthday

2 weeks ago, Rosé had requested today off in order to be by your side. Your ex's birthday is today, and Rosé knows you'll need her more than you're willing to admit.

"Baby, wake up. Let's get some breakfast."

She rolls over to wake you with a kiss, only to find you already sitting up with tears in your eyes. She reaches up to wipe them away, but you dodge her hand before she can. That's what she can't stand. Having you push her away, effectively keeping her at arm's length, hurts her so much more than you know.

Although she's talented at reading you, truth be told Rosé has absolutely no idea how today will go. You've yet to experience a day like today -- your ex's birthday -- without her here, and even you don't know what'll happen. Your mood is capable of changing in a whipstitch, so you'll have to see how the day plays out.

"Y/N, please." Her eyes are pleading as you look at her again, and they rake over your sad features. Your bottom lip trembles as more tears threaten to overflow, and you sink your teeth into it to quiet yourself. Wordlessly, you do as she asks: you press your forehead against hers and let out a broken sigh as she strokes your arm. Her touch is comforting beyond belief, and you can't help but feel like you don't deserve it. Constantly putting her through the same shit makes you feel like a terrible person.

"You're too good to me."

She goes to shush you like always, but you don't drop it this time.

You gently scoot away from her, meeting her eyes as she mimics your actions and raises her head.

"I can see that it gets to you, Rose. I hate myself for hurting you… I just keep letting you down."

She's prepared to ease your fears from the start, not willing to get into an argument right now. "Stop, okay? I knew what I was signing up for when we started dating. I'm a big girl, Y/N. I can decide when I want to stay and when I want to go. I knew from the beginning that we would have these struggles, and none of it has made me change my mind about you."

Her words make your heart flutter, but you still have plenty on your mind to discuss with her.

"You deserve someone without so much baggage. I can't pretend like I'm not still affected by it."

"When have I ever asked you to do that?" She cocks her head to the side, quirking an eyebrow as she waits for you to respond.

"You don't have to, babe. Seeing what it does to you is confirmation enough." You shrug lightly, allowing your eyes to break away from hers for a moment as you gather up what other words you want to say.

"You'll never admit it, not to the full extent, anyway, but I know I'm hurting you. That's the last thing I want; you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy."

"Jagi, do you really think our relationship makes me unhappy? I'll admit that this isn't always easy, but no relationship is, and never once have I even thought of leaving. You seem to forget about yourself in all of this; your happiness is just as important as mine."

She chooses to ignore the self-deprecating scoff you let out at her last sentence, opting to just continue with her train of thought; convincing you to value yourself is a battle for another day.

"So please, let me in. I want us to get through this."

"I do too, baby. So so much. I just can't help but think you could find someone better. I'm a fucking charity case at this point." You drop your head now, avoiding eye contact at all costs. You know she'll be upset with you for thinking so lowly of yourself, but her disappointment almost certainly pales in comparison to the contempt you hold for yourself.

With a heavy, tired sigh, Rosé hooks two fingers underneath your chin and gently lifts your head. "Y/N, look at me. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you: you are the person I want to be with. I want you in my future, and in order to make that happen I'm more than willing to help you deal with your past. I know it's not simple; I know it's never going to be easy; but I want you. All the strings attached."

You blink at the sincerity behind her words, a bit taken aback that she's so steadfast in her decision to stay with you. You've spent so much time convincing yourself that she's only with you because she feels sorry for you that you were blind to the true extent of her love. It's consistent and unwavering, and you've never felt more valued than when you're with her. To her, you never were nor will you ever be a charity case; she loves you because you're imperfect; because you need her just as much as she needs you.

"Okay."

The simple word from you is more than enough to put Rosie at ease, and she doesn't even try to stop the smile that spreads across her cheeks as you pull her into your lap for a hug.

A light squeak from the bedsprings serves as the only sound in your room as you silently hold one another. She knows that 'okay' was your way of telling her you're ready to let her in.

"I love you." You whisper against her neck, allowing your lips to brush against her soft skin. Both of your collars are wet with tears following the emotional moment you just had, but neither of you care.

"I love you, too, baby." She returns, pressing a kiss to your temple.

After spending a moment just holding one another, communicating your emotions through light touches and kisses, you lift up onto your knees and lay her back onto the bed. She cups your cheeks, loving how they feel beneath her fingertips as you stare into her eyes. Your hands sit on either side of her torso to hold you up, keeping you in place as you smile down at her. Intimate moments like these hold a special place in her heart, and she can never get enough of them.

"I'm so afraid of losing you, Rosie. God, you have no idea how much the thought of it terrifies me." You shut your eyes now, willing away the images of a life without her.

For some reason she had never really considered that to be a cause for your unreachability before. Looking back now, it makes perfect sense; losing someone so close to you in such an unexpected way can definitely make you afraid of getting close to people again. What if you lose them, too?

"I can't predict the future, my love, but I can promise you that I'll spend the rest of my days on this Earth next to you. And I'll find you in whatever comes after, too; you're not getting away from me that easy."

The last sentence is playful, and you smirk at her lightheartedness. She knows just what to say to lighten the mood.

"You're the greatest." You say, leaning down to capture her full lips in a meaningful kiss. She hums into it, pulling you flush against her body as she flips you over.

"Oh really?" She teases, pressing feather-light kisses to your jaw. She can feel your heartbeat pick up, and she grins cockily at the effect she has on you.

"M-mhm." You mutter out with a slight stutter, tracing your hands down her body before letting them rest on her hips.

"Why don't you show me, then?" She's straddling you now, and she pulls away from your neck to gaze down into your darkening eyes.

Soon the room is filled with a high pitched squeal as you pounce, pushing her backwards until her back hits the mattress again.

"As you wish, princess." You say, giving her a little salute before kissing her again.

She smiles against your lips and lets out a joyous giggle at your antics.

-------

The Second Anniversary

"Are you ready, baby?" She asks, turning to look at you and gauge your reaction.

You let out a jagged breath, the air leaving your lungs a bit unevenly as you try to steady yourself.

With a nod, you exit the car and walk around to open Rosie's door. "Such a gentlewoman." She says, garnering a genuine smile from you. Her playful tone calms you, and you peck her lips in a sweet kiss.

"Come on, let's go inside."

At your words, she slips her hand into yours and the two of you begin your journey towards the house.

The rest of the day goes by better than you had ever imagined possible: Rosé joined conversations easily, and she offered plenty of comfort to everyone in need of it. Her presence is enough to lessen anyone's pain, but she truly showed her skills today.

Towards the end of the celebration, your ex's parents pulled you away from everyone else and into the hallway for a private word.

"We want you to come visit her, with us."

Your first instinct is to adamantly refuse, but the looks on their faces are enough to give you pause. No amount of time can make up for the loss they've had to endure, and you know they wouldn't have asked unless they really needed you there.

"Okay, we'll be there."

They pull you in for a hug, and Rosé tears up at the emotional moment. She sends you an understanding look once you eventually meet her gaze from across the room, and you give her a sad smile in return.

----

The Visit

"Hey, baby; it's us again. Everybody came by earlier and it was so nice."

"You would've loved it, baby girl. We all miss you so much."

They hold each other close as they take turns speaking to her, their voices a little stronger than you remember them being last year. Slowly but surely, they're learning to adjust to life without their daughter.

You turn your head to the side, burying your face in Rosé's hair to distract yourself from the sadness creeping in. You hadn't come back to the cemetery since her funeral, so even just standing there causes the memories to come flooding back. Rosie's grip on you is strong, and you thank her for that; without her you'd surely be a wreck by now.

A few minutes later, her parents step to the side and look over to you in a wordless request for you to say something.

"Hey, champ." You crouch down next to her tombstone, missing the way her parents smile at the old nickname you used to call each other.

"It's me. I hope you're happy up there… you deserve to be. You'd better save us some good seats." You tease, reaching up to dust some dirt off of the sleek surface of stone. The material is beginning to become rougher, you note to yourself.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Y/N. I owe you the world." Rosie smiles bittersweetly, resting her hand on your shoulder as she looks down at the picture on the tombstone.

Something -- some unmistakable force, a gut feeling -- tells you to look up. You listen to it, slowly raising your head until you can see the expanse of the cemetery in front of you. The evening sun is giving way to a breathtaking sunset, and the remaining golden rays filter in through the leaves of the tall trees overhead. A flash of brown hair catches your eye, and you almost gasp at what you see.

There she is.

Your ex -- well, more specifically, the ghost of her -- stands amidst the tree line that borders the property. She raises a hand up to wave at you, offering a peaceful smile as she glances between Rosie and you. You smile your own lopsided grin at her, and soon after, she fades away completely.

Inconspicuously, you look up at her parents. They have a knowing look on their face as you stand up and loop an arm around Rosé's waist, pulling her in close to rest your forehead against hers. She kisses your cheek before using her finger to poke the soft surface adorably.

"Ya know," her father starts, pulling your attention away from your girlfriend.

"She visits us too, sometimes." He finishes with a smile.

A content feeling settles within your chest at his words, and you let out a soft sigh.

She always was a sucker for happy endings.

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whump-town · 3 years

Text

You Dance With Tears In Your Eyes

Summary: a college AU set up in the late 80s/early 90s with football star and quarterback Derek Morgan and his secret boyfriend Hotch-- it's not a happy story but I don't think I really have to warn you guys about that anymore

Also, a little based on a story my grandmother told me about my great uncle and his partner. Never met my great uncle but everyone says I'm a lot like him, I think they just mean gay but don't know how to say it

Warnings: homophobia, violence, racism *I mean it when I say homophobia*

Pairing: Derek Morgan/Aaron Hotchner

@yourlocalheartbreaker

The title is from Frank Ocean's song Self Control

Now and then you miss it, sounds make you cry Some nights you dance with tears in your eyes I came to visit, 'cause you see me like a UFO That's like never, 'cause I made you use your self-control And you made me lose my self-control, my self-control

---------------------

Living shouldn’t be reduced down to what it is, the bare bones of things that don’t even make Derek Morgan who he is. He lives by them anyways, stupid rules. Social norms, Aaron always clarifies because even when those silly rules drown them Aaron needs to be concise. Social norms dictate every inch of life and for once Derek wishes he were the type of person who could be given that inch and take a mile. They’re the reason he can’t hold his boyfriend’s hand in public. Why he can’t kiss Aaron on New Years’ and why he is reduced down to loving his roommate. Why, at this rate, he’ll never marry or adopt children, or why he could lose any career he goes into because some nosy asshole finds out his partner isn’t a woman. And, yes, he knows there are anti-discriminatory laws but he’s a black gay man. The world is stacked against him.

It makes him so angry. He’s blinded by the irrational of it all, why nothing can just be simple for them. Aaron tries to comfort him but Derek’s anger scares him, he doesn’t understand it. Aaron has long lost the ability to decipher the complexity of human emotions. Still flinches at loud noises like he’s expecting each bump to be accompanied by the pain that laced his childhood and has to ask, around every turn, if Derek’s angry with him. He can’t tell. Everything looks like anger. With Derek, it frequently is. They cope in very different ways, Aaron chooses nothing. Shutting down all his emotions until he cracks and that’s worse. It’s worse than Derek’s anger. That doesn’t mean Derek doesn’t hate the way he quakes with fury. If not because it feels childish to be blinded by emotions then because it scares Aaron.

There are a million other things, at twenty there always is. It’s his philosophy class with all this bullshit reading he doesn’t understand. He has to ask Aaron for help and Aaron has to ask him for help with things too but it makes Derek feel stupid. It’s philosophy, it can’t be that hard. That’s the same way Aaron feels about calculus. There’s maintaining rent and going grocery shopping and football (games, practice, gym, and training).

College had been a learning curve. Getting up at four in the morning to go to the gym for football had been the hardest thing in the world without his mother flicking his bedroom lights on and off or Desiréecoming in to smack him in the face with a pillow. There’s no one in the entire world in charge of getting him out of his bed other than him and, in his freshman year, while he had thought sleeping on that impossibly hard mattress would leave much to be desired, and it did, he found himself glued to his every morning. Not wanting to leave the safety of its flimsy comfort.

Sharing an apartment worked wonders, having a workaholic boyfriend was really the best trick. An unexpected answer to his problems but, also, a very cute one. He managed to add one person to the list of people that cared about where he was, that made sure he got up in time to make it to the gym and practice, and asked if he had a bad day or rub at his sore muscles.

Derek rolls over in bed, not as surprised as he should be to find the other half empty. “Aaron?” He still searches, runs his hand over the sheets as if he doesn’t know that if Aaron were in the bed he’d be right there. Hogging the bed and the blankets, pressed up against Derek’s back snoring like there’s no tomorrow. “Aaron?” Derek sits up and squints, grimaces at the light trailing in from the open door.

Aaron’s hunched over the beginnings of an essay, pen ink smeared across his left palm and steadily chugging along. He can write a full essay in the span of a night, five hours for about 3,000 words but if it’s a short synopsis sort of thing then about an hour. Despite this astonishing gift, Aaron still makes himself write all his essays weeks in advance and spends days upon days proofreading and combing through them for the tiniest mistakes. He’s a straight-A student so he’s doing something right but Derek gets mostly As too with far less hastily. Aaron is just extra.

Derek steps up to the desk, doesn’t make a sound as he leans up against the side of the chair. He wraps an around Aaron’s shoulders, leans down to kiss his head. “It’s two,” Derek informs him, “come to bed. Please?” Derek’s exhausted. He feels the regret of being pulled from his warm bed. Each second feels like twenty minutes, the world sluggish and too cold. He leans closer to Aaron, wrapping himself around him. “You always smell so good,” Derek whispers. He presses his face into Aaron’s hair, catching the mix of scents.

“Bakery,” Aaron grunts. His answer as simple and concise as he always is but even more so now that he’s tired. Aaron had worked an on-campus job for the entirety of their freshman year but after he got a scholarship that would roll over each year after that (so long as he kept a certain GPA) he started at a bakery down the street from their apartment. Derek had always liked the way Aaron smelled, gently masculine in a way only Aaron could ever be, and it had mixed with the scents of softly, perfectly made baked goods he works around all day. Cookies and cakes. He’s picked up a few tricks, Aaron can make moist cakes and perfectly round cookies but his bread… It’s the best food Derek has ever eaten.

The first time Aaron made bread Derek got down on one knee and confessed “Aaron Hotchner if I could marry you I’d take you to the damn chapel right now”. To which he was lovingly pushed and told to “shut up” but fresh-baked bread (even if Aaron had taken a single bite and concluded he hadn’t ratioed the sugar right) is heavenly. He’s gotten much better since and it’s really hot when he’s standing there in one of his dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up taking his stress out on the dough.

And he can’t tell anyone. Can’t boast about his hot ass boyfriend or the bread he makes from scratch.

Derek crouches down by the chair, knows he’s winning when Aaron breaks from his work just enough to glance at him out of the corner of his eye. “Can’t this wait just a little bit?” he asks. “I want to sleep with my boyfriend and he’s out here writing an essay that isn’t due tomorrow and likely isn’t due for the next month.” Derek reaches up, strokes a strand of hair back behind Aaron’s ear. His fingers graze an open wound and Aaron flinches away, the pain unexpected.

The bare bones of Aaron Hotchner are the along the same in principle to Dereks-- all things that he cannot change. Even as he stands as tall as Derek, their bodies are not the same. Derek is lean from years of football, his arms stretch his shirts. He looks like an athlete, has the benefit of the doubt whenever he’s around men. His teammates walk naked in front of him, no one for even a second thinks anything of it. No one suspects him of the atrocities he commits within his apartment.

Aaron doesn’t have any of that. His hair is a little too long, hangs down in his face when he’s studying or reading. Nothing about him is hulk-ish, he’s delicate with his movements and while it had been something that Derek was immediately drawn to it also draws other’s attention. Bad attention.

The same boys that play around with Derek, snapping towels at him while he walks, terrorize Aaron.

Derek wishes there was something he could do because if this were anyone else- if Aaron were a girl- he could. It wouldn’t be dangerous, not the sort of thing that would cost him his football scholarship or get him stabbed and left to bleed out in an alley or beat within an inch of his life. He would have to out himself to protect Aaron, to stand in front of his teammates that coach keeps calling his family and tell them to keep their fucking hands off his boyfriend. No. No, because something like that would be death. It would be worse than what’s already happening. And Aaron won’t allow it.

All Derek can do now is await the next attack, leave Aaron someplace to come home to. Give him a place to be, without burden, without hesitation. It’s not enough. They’ll kill him. Derek knows they will and it’ll be fun for them, only a matter of time.

“Come to bed with me,” Derek asks one more time. He doesn’t want to sound entirely needy but he really doesn’t want to go to bed without Aaron. The bed is lonely.

With a sigh, Aaron nods and Derek stands up, moves out of the way so Aaron can throw pens in his textbooks to mark his place. He steps away, from the desks, yawning as he makes lazy lurches forward towards their bedroom. “Turn the damn--” Derek rolls his eyes and reaches over and turns off Aaron’s desk lamp.

He passes Aaron in the doorway, places his hand on his hip, and reminds him of their objective. “Bed,” he mumbles and Aaron nods, jerking back to life as he steps further into the bedroom.

Derek lays down on the bed, crawls over to his side, and gets comfortable while he watches Aaron lazily strip down to his underwear. He gets caught in his head again for a moment, standing there just blankly staring at the dresser. Trying to figure out if he should put on pajamas or not. Derek calls his name and opens his arms. “Come here, “ he says and Aaron smiles. Sheepishly he comes, blushing as he crawls into the bed and where Derek instructs him. Humming, pleased, when Derek brings the blankets up over them. His eyes are already closed, head tucked under Derek’s chin when Derek wraps his arms around him. Pulls him close, tight.

He’d read in a book about deep pressure, its effect on the parasympathetic nervous system. He’d studied Development Psychology for some time, thought about all the ways in which it checked every box of his interests. He thinks he might want to be a teacher. That’s where he learned about the importance of the bond between guardian and child. Where he learned a hug sometimes really is a fantastic answer to the most startling problems.

It’s also the fastest way to get Aaron to sleep.

“Tighter,” Aaron whispers. He can’t quite feel Derek’s bones pushing into him, the hammer of his heart still too strong. He groans, choking up a laugh when Derek does just that. Holds him tight, makes him ache with the proximity, his inability to move.

Derek doesn’t mind, he’s got an armful of bakery boy. Couldn’t be more content with anything else.

0000000000000000

All things considered, Derek didn’t actually face that much scrutiny when he told his mother about the stupid twisting and turning feeling in his stomach when Martel Harris put his hand on Derek’s back. Leaned in too close and Derek could smell the cologne he wore and feel his proximity like lightning across his skin. He’d thought it was just nerves but at the end of a football match Martel lifted him up, threw him up in the air, and God that had felt better than flying. Lit him up inside like he was something, someone.

Desiréecried and Sarah wouldn’t speak to him for a week, opposite reactions because of the same fear. Their mother always said the two of them were two halves of the same coin-- too alike to get along and too different to ever get away. They came around, their mother’s gentle hand always the voice of reason. Three stubborn as all hell kids, too much like their father. That’s what she tells the three of them, tears swelling in her eyes as she proclaims that none of it matters. Orders Desiréeto stop crying tells Sarah to get over herself. She loved and married a black man despite the death threats that followed them everywhere they went. Despite the people that called it blasphemous. Called it sin. As if love could be such a thing.

Her mother told her not to come home, not to call. She wouldn’t do that to her son, she knows it won’t change a thing. There’s something about love that makes you blind to the small pains. She never looked back twice, never reached out to her parents. She chose love and Derek will too.

But that doesn’t mean the fear goes away.

It doesn’t actually change a damn thing.

Standing in the tiny bathroom attached to Derek’s friend’s bedroom Aaron leans over the sink, letting Derek rub

shampoo through his beer-drenched hair. “I just don’t understand why they have it out for you,” Derek mumbles, his voice has deepened, his frustration laced confusion evident. They’re in a rather suggestive position, Derek’s body keeping Aaron bent over the sink-- ass to groin. Aaron shoots him a look out of the corner, a pretty clear “look at us right now and take a guess at why”. Derek ignores the look, he’s rather good at ignoring Aaron’s sharp looks. He shakes his head, grumbling some more to himself and gently working the shampoo out of Aaron’s hair. He leans closer, Aaron groaning as the sink bites into his stomach, and smells his hair. Derek groans, unsatisfied with what he finds. “Smells like strawberries with a slight undertone of beer.”

Sounds about as close to a win as they’re getting. “That’s as good as it’s going to get,” Aaron mumbles, grateful when Derek sits back up. While Aaron’s come to terms with the particular hand he’s drawn in the terms of college social lives Derek isn’t as quick to accept. He feels hopeless, a feeling he thought he’d escaped upon leaving Chicago and everything Carl Buford. Aaron can’t stand to see that look, the one he’s grown so used to seeing after events like this.

He pulls a towel down off the rack, starts trying to dry his hair. This isn’t the reason he keeps his hair short but it’s certainly a helpful addition to keep in mind. “Don’t overthink it, it’s not your fault.” Aaron could go blue in the face trying to keep Derek from coming up with a mile-long list of all the reasons why that’s simply not true. The truth is, it’s really not Derek’s fault. No one even knows about them. Their relationship isn’t the reason why Hunter Whatever-his-last-name-is poured his cup of cheap, smells like piss, beer over Aaron’s head.

Not that what happened downstairs can just be so beautifully summed up as just that. Hunter Whatever-his-last-name-is had grabbed Aaron as he was walking in, doing as Derek instructed by coming in the screened-in door at the side of the house. “Who’s dick did you come to suck?” and Hunter Whatever-his-last-name-is cupped Aaron’s cheek. Dug his thumb into the wound he created and smiled, grinned happily at the sight of Aaron trying so hard to getaway. Hunter’s grip relaxed and as soon as it did Aaron was blinking the beer out of his eyes. “Get the fuck away from me,” Hunter shoved him, hard. “Faggot.” Aaron hit his hip on the counter but said nothing, he’ll leave the bruise for Derek to find another night.

“I should say something to that pig,” Derek’s distracting himself with putting everything back in the bathroom the way it was before they came in. Straightening out the rug and fixing the other towels. “Let me catch him trying something--”

Aaron can’t take it, all of Derek’s pointless anger, his stupid guilt. He’s just had beer poured down his back. He can’t even accept Derek’s sweatshirt to replace his smelly shirt, can’t walk out of here wearing his boyfriend’s sweatshirt without getting shanked. The beer smells awful but he’s fairly certain getting stabbed is a whole lot worse. Derek doesn’t have to deal with that. No one messes with him because no one thinks to. “It’s because of how I look!” He’s shaking, bangs hanging down in his face still damp but no longer dripping water down his face. “You? You look normal. You get to walk around with all your football buddies, no one bats an eye at the quarterback, Derek. At least you like women too!” He points to himself, digs his finger into his own chest. “Me? I look the part. I can’t even pretend. Everyone knew, the whole world knew before I did!”

Derek just stands there, caught in the headlights trying to figure out what to say.

He wipes his eyes, jerks away from the hand Derek tries to put on his arm. “No. No!” he can’t do touch right now. Not like this, not when his body won’t hold still and his knees keep trying to buckle. It happens, this panicked cornered feeling, and usually Derek would hold him down. They’d sit on the floor and Derek would hold his arms down to his chest and they’d just sit like that until Aaron can breathe again. Bones against bones until Aaron feels the fractures of his humanity coming back together but for now, right now? He can’t do it. He can’t be touched.

“I want to go home,” he manages, lower lip quivering despite how much he wants to hold it together. “Please take me home.”

Derek just stares at him, stands there, and watches Aaron cross his arms over his chest and curl in, trying to squeeze the panic out himself. “Okay,” he caves. “Go on, I’ll follow you down.” It’s degrading, humiliating the fact that they can’t even leave this room together. Aaron’s upset and Derek can’t do anything about that right now. It’s not safe until they’re home.

It’s never safe.

With his hair dripping into his face Aaron stumbles in the dark. His shirt is soaking wet, stuck to his skin, and freezing him as tramples down a thin stretch of grass between houses. He wishes he had Derek’s sweatshirt. Something warm. At least something to cover his arms. It had been a stupid idea coming here right after getting off work. The bakery is so impossibly hot and after getting off his shift all he wanted was to be with Derek. To sit in whatever little room Derek could guarantee was safe and drink whatever cheap crap Derek brings him from downstairs. Just sit and listen to the music filtering in from downstairs.

“Hotchner!”

He freezes-- a deadly mistake.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

He knows what happened to Derek. In the hush of the night, laying facing each other in the dark, Derek had told him. Each word a puff of hot air against Aaron’s face, hitting the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. It was supposed to be even, Derek’s intention was to express alikeness. He’d seen the scars, no matter careful Aaron was about the light when he thought things were headed in the direction of nakedness, Derek saw them. He hadn’t said anything that time, run his thumb over the one on Aaron’s chest but kept up his ministrations. Acted as if he didn’t until that moment in bed.

Aaron still hasn’t found the courage to be honest about his own childhood.

Derek comes around the back, half-expecting tonight to go like it always does. Except Aaron hasn’t had any alcohol and he doesn’t come stumbling around the porch to greet Derek from the darkness. There are no stolen kisses or hushed laughter. No Aaron. Derek has half a mind to shout out for him, he couldn’t have gone off far, but then he sees him. Derek sees them. The moonlight shining down casting this awful hue between the houses. He sees Hunter draw his foot back and he can’t hold it back. Won’t let this go on. “Hunter!”

The second that Hunter’s attention is away from him, Aaron slumps to the ground. His blood smeared against the house. He’s still breathing, awful ragged breathes that shoot blood off his lips. He sees Derek in the moonlight, rushing past him. Aaron wishes he wasn’t a coward. Between each blood speckled breathe, he wishes that he wasn’t a coward and had just told Derek. That way he would understand Aaron can take it. He spent his childhood taking beatings for just being alive. At least now it was something coherent. Being beaten for being gay requires at least knowing something about him. His father couldn’t even bother with that.

But Derek doesn’t understand.

Aaron never told him.

He’s pulled down, out of orbit, and back to Earth when Derek squats down beside him, cradles his head in his hands. “Aaron?” he calls out, but Aaron can’t force his eyes to move from the dirt. “Can I--” Derek doesn’t know where to put his hands. If he can put his hands anywhere. “I’m going to-- to lift you, okay?” It’s not a matter of if he’s strong enough. He benches more than his own body weight and that’s significantly more than Aaron’s. He’s just not sure if Aaron’s going to fight him and if Aaron fighting him is good or bad.

“Lean forward,” Derek whispers, cupping the back of Aaron’s head and directing it into his shoulder. He turns, manipulates both their bodies and winces each time, no matter how gentle and calculated his movements are, Aaron still cries out. He still hurts him. “I’m sorry,” becomes his mantra. The only words he can manage out around the tears, the only thing he can get past the thickness in his throat.

Sorry he didn’t stop this sooner.

Sorry that he keeps hurting Aaron.

Sorry they couldn’t be other people. In other places. In another time.

Sorry that it’s all for nothing, that there’s no way this ends well for either of them. They’re going to end up dead or alone but certainly separate.

The second Derek has him in his arms Aaron grips his shirt tightly in one blood-stained hand. He rests his head on Derek’s shoulder, soaking in his warmth. “Home?” he asks, voice breaking.

“We’re going home.”

Aaron wakes up alone in bed.

He’s completely naked, laying with three blankets pulled up over him. One that he recognizes is from the living room. There’s one of Derek’s homemade sock heating pads digging into his sore ribs where he rolled over onto it, he can feel more of them underneath him. He’s been laying here for a while. None of the socks are warm anymore. He’s on Derek’s side of the bed, facing his nightstand, and watches Derek’s blurry alarm clock change time. 1:36 passing to 1:37 to 1:38 just waiting for the fuzzy fingers in his brain to ease up. To allow him to think.

It’s Saturday.

Derek’s off at a football game, not due back for hours. Not until tonight, long after Aaron’s gone to bed.

For an overwhelming moment, his eyes fill with tears, desperation, and solitude creating an awful twist in his stomach. He doesn’t want to be alone. Protectively he draws his knees up, tries to knot himself up, and create a mangled ball. His heart picks up, anxiety increasing as he lays there. He wants Derek. He doesn’t want to be alone.

On the phone’s first rings he curls in tighter, overwhelmed by his own crying that he presses his face into Derek’s pillow and ignores it. He’ll let the machine catch it-- that’s the whole reason Derek bought it. With a sharp end, muffled by the blanket he pulls up over his head, a voice comes through. The machine catching the voice mail.

“Aaron, sweetheart? This is Fran, Derek’s mom? I’m sorry to keep calling sweetie but Derek’s awake now. He’s worried, says you should have woken up by now. I can send Sarah to come get you, Derek told me what happened last night. Please call me back? I hope you’re okay.”

He lays in confused silence, trying to process why Derek’s mother would call him. She calls all the time and occasionally he answers to tell her she’s just missed Derek-- he’s off with friends, at the gym, or at class. They know of one another Derek talks about him to Fran as much as Derek talks about Fran to him. But Fran call him? That’s never happened.

Then he catches it-- “Derek’s awake now”-- and he sits up. Pushed from his mind is the pain, his ribs scream and the blood he can see he’s left on Derek’s pillow. Derek’s awake now. Hunter Whatever-his-last-name-is is on the football team. An offensive lineman. A guy whose entire job is to protect Derek but now he knows, he has to know.

Derek’s awake now.

He throws himself out of bed, clipping his already sore hip on the nightstand and staggering for the phone. Tears spilling over his face. What happened while he was sleeping? What did Hunter do?

Fran picks up on the first ring. “Aaron, is that you sweetheart?”

He sniffles, rubbing at his nose with his finger. “Yes, ma’am.” He knows she can hear him crying, his choked sobs as he falls in the direction of the closes chair.

“You had me worried sick,” she says and he can hear that unmistakable fondness in her chastising tone. That must be where Derek gets it from. It makes him smile, even if it’s weak. “How are you feeling, baby? Derek told me what happened. I’m sorry. If I see that boy I’ll wring his neck. Give him a piece of my mind for bothering my boys.”

He just nods, despite the fact that she can’t see that. He knows he should answer her question but he has no idea what he feels. Nothing. He feels nothing as he sits here holding his breath as he waits to ask about Derek. To know what happened because of him. “Is Derek okay? What happened?”

Hunter told a few other team members what he saw. Most brushed him off, Hunters a douchebag, and they like Derek. Others just hate Aaron enough for it to matter to them, enough to what to do something. Or, rather, not do anything. It only took one tackle, a limb bent the wrong way under the weight of three boys.

It was Derek’s knee. A career-ending injury.

A scholarship losing injury.

“Can I--” Aaron chokes. He’s afraid of what happens if Fran says no. “Can I see him?”

“Of course you can.”

Aaron turns away Fran’s offer of a car ride but Desirée still shows up.

He answers the door in a sweatshirt and jeans and knows immediately who it is when he opens it up. Desirée just stares at him for a moment, he can feel all of the seventeen-year-old judgment sizing him up. “You look… awful,” she tells him. She lets herself in, walking past Aaron with one more look. “Mom says I can drive but if you want to do it I have to let you.” She puts the car keys on the counter, sighs as she looks around. “Derek says…” she chews her lip, as she sizes him up again.

He wonders how intimidating he could possibly look to her. Hunched over and wearing a sweatshirt that’s too big for him.

“Would you teach me how to make bread?”

He can’t help but smile, nods without any hesitation.

“Really?”

Aaron nods, “it’s not that hard. More of a-- a waiting game. You have to give the yeast time to rise.”

Desirée has no idea what that means but she nods, “cool.”

He lets her drive. Mostly because his vision is swimming but because he tosses the keys back to her, a clear okay that she can drive, and she beams at him. She likes him. That’s so weirdly important to him.

She has to wake him up when they get to the hospital. The first thing she tells Fran is that he let her drive and Fran smiles at him, shakes her head, and says “you must have a death wish.”

Aaron blushes under the attention, eyes falling to the floor. He barely manages, “drives just like Derek.”

Fran laughs, nodding her head, “she does. Too heavy on the brakes.” Her smile fades a little when she sees Aaron’s sweatshirt, recognizes it from home. Knows it’s Dereks. “Will you let someone look at that,” she asks, too many of his wounds look deep. Cuts that need stitches and a nasty black eye that she knows he hasn’t iced. She’s reminded a little too quickly that Aaron and Derek are still very much kids. Tricky kids. Too old to be told what to do but still wanting direction.

Aaron nods, shying away again from the attention, but nods.

They leave him when the nurse steps in, doesn’t need to say a word. Fran sees him hesitate to lift his shirt and knows. Derek had managed to tell her most of what happened but the morphine made his speech slur, made him emotional. He’d sobbed, high and in pain. Told her what he’d seen the night before. Hunter hitting and kicking at Aaron, the way Aaron slumped forward. How he’d carried Aaron home. Washed the blood off him with a rag. She knew what was under Aaron’s shirt wasn’t something for them to see.

Derek wakes sometime in the middle of the night. The drugs from the surgery are wearing off and with it his blissful escape from the pain. Licking his dry lips he looks around the room, spotting his sisters and frowning as he tries to find his mother. She’s leaning over another cot, on the other side of the room. He watches her, hears the familiar chorus of Blackbird, and watches her stroke Aaron’s forehead, following the line of the relaxed brow.

It makes him smile, his mother used to sing Whitney Houston to him and his sisters to sleep. He told her about Aaron’s obsession with The Beatles, how of all the records the two of them own that’s the only one Aaron will play. Desiréebought the album, his mother told him a week later. She saved up to get it and was eager for her moment to speak to Aaron about it. To be able to befriend her brother’s boyfriend. That’s about the same time Fran began to hound him about bringing Aaron home, to Chicago. She wanted to meet him.

Fran kisses Aaron’s forehead, waiting another moment just to make sure Aaron’s truly asleep before she stands. “He was having a bad dream,” she tells Derek. In truth, he’d been crying in his sleep. In pain, she could tell, and restless. He’d settled with her there and it made her sad to think that maybe he’d just grown too used to sleeping beside someone else. She’d pulled his blankets closer and sang, just as she did with the other three when they were little. Even when they’re twenty, it still works like a charm.

Fran smiles, tries to soothe Derek’s nerves so he doesn’t worry about Aaron. He’s fine for now, sleeping soundlessly. She sits down on the edge of Derek’s bed, cups his cheek, and asks “how are you feeling?”

Derek just looks over to Aaron, his pale parted lips parted and the bandages holding him together. “Is he okay?” He’d been so scared last night watching Aaron sleep. No amount of Tylenol was doing a thing for his pain. Several times he’d sat up in the night and searched for a pulse, counted the far too many seconds separating each of his breathes. Derek thought Aaron might die right there beside him but he’d been more afraid of what might have happened if they went to the hospital.

Fran sighs, stupid love. It’s cute, she has to admit, but so senseless. “He’s sleeping, he’s okay.” She tries to redirect him, “how do you feel?”

Derek looks back over to Aaron. He looks. There’s more than just those pale lips and the bandages. It’s Aaron. He’s sleeping under multiples blankets and looks like himself. How he always looks when Derek rolls over to face him. He believes his mother, she never lies. “My leg hurts,” he whispers, voice cracking. It’s like the entire thing is pulsing, a continuous stabbing feeling. He cries but not from the pain. They betrayed him. The people he so stupidly thought of as his friends. They hurt him like they’d been hurting Aaron.

He should have known better.

He shouldn’t have been so stupid.

This is his fault.

“Derek?” Aaron sits up, hesitating under the combined attention of Derek and Fran.

Fran stands up, nods Aaron over. “Sit with him,” she offers. “I’ll go get a nurse.”

Aaron nods, still waiting, still hesitating to be where he wants to be. Derek motions him closer, manages to move his body over in the bed. Just enough room for Aaron to squeeze in beside him.

“I don’t think I”m supposed to--”

“Lay down.” Derek can see all the bruises and cuts up close again. He brushes his fingers through the hair above Aaron’s ear, turning his palm to his cheek. Gently tracing the outline of a bandage. “Runaway with me,” he whispers. He thought about it all night long while he watched Aaron sleep. “There’s only four more weeks left of the semester.” Aaron’s smart, he’ll get in anywhere he applies. “We’ll transfer someplace else, anywhere else.”

Aaron frowns, he doesn’t like the idea of this impulsivity. Mostly the number of uncertainties that it creates and the questions. Where will they go? How will they know it’s safe? Are they dropping out? Where will they transfer to? What Aaron can’t get into the college that Derek does?

“Hey,” Derek hushes, he strokes his thumb across Aaron’s cheekbone. “Hey, whatever you’re thinking stop. I’m not leaving, not going anywhere you don’t. We do this together, alright?” He smiles, leans forward, and softly knocks their foreheads together. “Four weeks and all of summer break, okay? That’s plenty of time for a smarty pants like you to figure out where we can go.” It had taken less time for Aaron to conclude Illinois was close enough to home for him to go if something happened to his mother but too far away for her or his brother to come to him.

They’ll figure it out.

“Runaway with me?” he asks one more time.

“Okay.”

#criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #hotchgan #mortch #hurt hotch #tw homophobia

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kagedaddy · 4 years

Note

Hey! I was wondering if I could request a kageyama X reader sfw one shot, where the reader is lactose intolerant and is dating kageyama. He doesn’t know she is lactose intolerant since instead of denying him when he offers her milk she accepts. Since she tends to forget she can’t have dairy . And he finds out one day when she tells him why her stomach hurts so badly.

Thanks, I hope you have a nice day!

milk disaster - kageyama tobio

Warnings: none

kageyama tobio [masterlist]

hehe it’s quite a funny and cute request, thank you so much for requesting it! sorry to the other person who dropped an ask, its not my ask box thingy, if you’d like to request again. my box is always open.

*ping*

‘I’m nearly at yours.’

You read your boyfriend’s message and not more than a few minutes, your doorbell chimes, echoing throughout the empty apartment, throwing the covers off you and skipping to the front door. A smile graces your lips at the sight of your out of breath boyfriend holding a bag, “Took you awhile Tobio.”you move out of the way for him to enter the threshold of your apartment. “I dropped by the store and picked up some new milk flavours for us to try.”he holds up the plastic bag filled with all sorts of dairy. You took the bag from him, allowing him to rid himself of his shoes and drop his volleyball bag, you unpack the contents of the store bag before placing them in the fridge to cool.

Long defined arms circle your waist, drawing you close to his warm body you tilt your head up and place an open mouthed kiss on his jaw. “How’s was practice Tobio?”turning your body to wrap your own arms around his waist, you both rock side to side as he buries his nose in your hair. “Was good but I just wanna cuddle watch a movie with you now.”he lifts you up and carries you to your bedroom as giggles erupt from you, he throws you on the bed before stripping down to just his black boxer briefs and joining you in bed. Putting on a random movie both of you cuddle in bed, enjoying the comforts of each others’ warmth. Midway through the movie Tobio gets up and leaves to get some drinks for the both of you, once he returns he carries with him a few cartons of different flavoured milk and offloading them on the bed.

“Let’s try some!”he excitedly takes one, popping the straw in and hands you the (favourite flavour) flavoured milk, “You mentioned being curious about this flavour so I got it for you.”pushing the milk towards you, his eyes lit up in excitement and your eyes widen you hadn’t mentioned to the dark haired setter in all your time together that you were lactose intolerant. You didn’t have it in you to break his heart, he just looked so excited and so you just accepted the drink with a forced smile. He watches you as you drink the milk, it was actually really good but you knew you were gonna regret it later, humming in satisfaction as you sipped the sweet liquid. He opens another carton shoving it into your hands, “try this one, this one’s my favourite so far.”again you kindly accepted the drink, taking the straw between your lips and sipping on the dairy.

After test tasting several flavours of milk you’re both back to cuddling and watching the remainder of the movie, a few minutes passes and you know the milk hasn’t settled right in your stomach, you start to feel the subtle sharp pains from ingesting the dairy. You hug one of your pillows pushing it against your tummy, you groan when the pain intensifies, “Oi broke where are you going?”you stand hoping to ease the pains and Kageyama looks at you in confusion, you knew it’s started the milk was fucking you up hard, You crumple to your knees and tears sting your eyes, it hurt so bad it was like a pulsing pain.

You clutch tightens around the pillow to your stomach, trying to alleviate the gut twisting pain, “Are you okay?”comes the worried voice of Kageyama, he crouches down to your form on the floor. You shake your head, burying it in the mattress of your bed, “Is it your period? Has it come early?”he takes you in his arms, pillow tucked between you as you curl into his warmth, he rubs soothing circles on your back, you shake your head again as another wave of pain passes you. “My stomach hurts.”you cry out, laying your head on his lap and he strokes your hair trying his best to make you feel better.“What can I do (first name)? I don’t know what to do?”your poor boyfriend’s voice is worried, he’s at a loss and you feel bad that he has to see you like this, “nothing I just want you to hold me.”closing your eyes to prevent tears from falling down your cheeks. “Do you know why it hurts?”you nod.

“It’s cause of the milk.”

“Oh baby, are you lactose intolerant?”you look up to him teary eyed, nodding your head he pushes a fallen strand behind your ear and placing a sweet kiss on your forehead. “Why didn’t you just say? I wouldn’t have let you drink them.”he strokes your cheek lovingly and you lean into his touch, “It’s cause I love you, I wanted to share drinking milk with you.”he lifts you up to the bed again, laying you comfortably but he doesn’t join you, “Where you going?”looking up at him in confusion, he bends down to peck your lips.

“I’m gonna get you some meds, babe.”

hey hey hey! i hope you enjoyed today’s update Kageyama is quite out of character but i wanted to portray him older, leave a like and comment if you did. tomorrow’s the last day of the valentines special, it’ll be out lovely inazaraki twins, click [masterlist] if you haven’t read it. have a great day, jaa ne!

all the love xx

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7wanderingpaws · 4 years

Text

Simply Yours (15) final

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU

Word count: 11.3K

Warnings: FLUFF

A/N: 🛑 PLEASE MAKE SURE TO READ THE ENDING NOTE! 🛑

tags: @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt @luvhtears @shesdreaminginoverdose @cynthbee @jummyjammy @bbhmystar @littleflowercrown13 @sebootyforlife

MASTERLIST

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13 . 14

EDIT: There are many people who want to vote for both the prequel and sequel - BOTH will be happening at some point! But I will not be writing the stories at the same time, so please vote for the one that appeals to you most right now! :) Thank you!

FINAL

It hadn't been that long since the apartment became quiet. Quiet as in: no sounds, no movements, only the faraway buzz of a busy street behind the closed windows. The kind of quietness in which the loudest sound was breathing. To be frank, you already forgot how silence sounded like, how it made you feel.

It’s been exactly 30 minutes since the triplets started to cry. Over time, their wails grew desperate and throaty. They were most probably hurting their throats but you really couldn’t care at that moment. As much as you loved them and cared for them, you tended to them just over forty minutes ago which meant you only got ten minutes of pure silence and peace overall. This kind of wailing? There was no help and you knew it. You could rock them in your arms, talk to them, play with them, give them toys - they would wail even more.

You laid on your other side, your back now facing them as you closed your eyes, letting the tears escape. You were tired. So, so tired. You couldn’t even roll over and tend to them, already running low on energy and mental drainage.

It had been a few days since you completely lost appetite, your stomach hurting almost non-stop. Despite taking pain killers, it would hardly go away. But you decided that this shouldn’t and wouldn’t become a big deal. It couldn’t. There had been so much happening in your life - like for instance, you knew you had to make up for Baekhyun’s birthday that you completely missed out on because you were in the hospital. Another important fact you absolutely had to make sure was smooth, was making his life a little easier since his final thesis defense for PhD title was basically happening in a few weeks. There was so much stuff happening for him, and yet you were the one overwhelmed. It was easy to say that the pressure was on.

The change of the light in the bedroom was the only indicator of how much time had passed since the ruckus had started. The cries didn’t stop and it only intensified your own cries.

Just how long until things would get better? And what exactly was the definition of better for you? The kids ceasing to cry and demand you? Things sorting out by themselves? You changing overnight and getting out of your small depression? Making Baekhyun happy?

You cried even more when you thought about him. Your fiancée. Who worked so hard for you, understood you and helped you. And what were you doing in return? You couldn’t even get out of bed to tend to your children.

Suddenly, through the cries, there was a voice calling out your name, followed by a frantic: “What is happening here?” You frowned, quickly tapping on your wet cheeks to hide the stains meanwhile also on alert, given the voice was in panic.

Baekhyun appeared in the doorway of the bedroom and it seemed like he rushed, his hair disheveled, his breathing frantic and loud. His phone was next to his ear but when he spotted you and then the babies, his hand fell next to his side.

“Baek-“

“What the hell? I’ve been calling you thousands of times! The neighbors called me because the babies have been crying since lunchtime and were worried something happened because you wouldn’t answer the door!” He made three steps towards your children and kneeled down, shushing them quickly while he kept running his eyes over you, making sure you were alright.

You sat up, the headache from crying growing into a dull ache. “I was just too tired, Baekhyun, there is nothing happening. Everything’s alright,” you said in a hoarse, low tone.

He frowned worriedly and looked at the babies that wouldn’t stop crying. “Ahh, shh, it’s okay, daddy’s here. I’ll take care of you.” He picked up Juna and placed her in his lap while Junhee and Jun were in his arms, their cries gradually ceasing until they became just whimpers. “It’s okay, daddy’s here, hm? No need to cry, little ones.”

You were lying on your back now, also listening in on Baekhyun’s cooing and shushed voice while you were fighting hard to suppress the tears. His voice was now the biggest consolation you could ever ask for, but deep inside you knew you screwed up big time for letting the babies cry for so long and therefore alarming not only your neighbors but your fiancée too. For now though, you only wanted to rest. Just for a moment. Just a little bit.

Baekhyun, although being preoccupied with triplets, noticed your face right away. You being tired and worn-out was nothing new to him but seeing your face being red and swollen from crying was a first in a while. Of course he knew it wasn’t easy for you. If anything, you had it the hardest out of the two of you. He was lucky that the babies stopped crying now but many times they would stop crying only after being with you and receiving food from you. As much as he had the role of a father, he couldn’t cover all the requirements that you had to tend to without questions or complaints. You, as a mother, had no choice.

“Now that you’re all quiet, let’s leave mummy to rest, hm?” he whispered lovingly, placing them all on the bed and wanting to prepare their little blankets outside where he would take them, but your quiet voice stopped him.

“Don’t leave.”

Baekhyun cleaned the babies’ faces with a tissue, gently running it over their soft skin until he was sure nothing could irritate them. After that he stood up and walked over to your lying figure before kneeling down and having a good look at you. “Are you hurting?” he asked quietly, running his hand over your middle that was hidden under the blanket.

“No,” you whispered, feeling your throat closing off.

Your fiancée was quiet for a moment before sighing and lying down next to you. “Then what’s wrong? You really scared me,” he added, wanting you to understand that he wasn’t necessarily mad but rather worried and anxious about your well-being. The idea of something happening to you while he wasn't there scared him.

You had yet to meet his eyes. You were looking at his sports shirt, him most probably not changing from his work-out uniform and just straight up rushing home. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just tired and I fed them already but they wouldn’t stop crying.”

“Babe,” he sighed again, though there was an affectionate gaze in his eyes. He reached his hand out, brushing the sticking hair aside. “I can tell something is off. You need to talk to me.”

“It’s fine, really.”

Carefree baby gurgles were coming from behind your back now, a rather overwhelming change compared to the wailing happening minutes ago, at which Baekhyun’s lips stretched into a small, soft smile. He didn't know that these kinds of sounds, his babies' carefree, exploratory sounds, were something that he was missing in his life until that moment. “I know it’s hard. But now I am here. It’s okay. We are in this together, remember?”

His hand wandered from your hairline down to your cheek where he caressed you with the back of his fingers and let them slide down your neck and shoulder where he started drawing small but very much comforting circles. “C'mon, come a bit closer,” he ushered you in a hushed voice and you automatically moved, scurrying until your face could get lost in his chest and his arms would take you in. This way he could watch out for the triplets and for you too at the same time.

He would protect you.

Unfortunately, there was one thing Baekhyun couldn’t protect you from for sure. And that was yourself.

...

Before letting yourself fall asleep, you fed each of your little ones, and with Baekhyun’s help, you changed their nappies and clothes for them to be fresh and clean. While you stood up to take a hot shower right away, Baekhyun stayed to give Juna, Junhee and Jun as much love as he could provide. Their huge, curious eyes would look at their father before gently stretching to small half-moons, and giggling when Baekhyun tickled their bellies or blew raspberries. As much as he couldn’t wait to play with them in his arms, they were still just a couple of weeks old and couldn’t do anything around them.

He made sure to always double-check Jun, the most fragile one out of them. Even though he was a giggly baby, he tended to sleep the most and become the weakest the fastest. “I won’t let anything happen to you, ever,” he murmured while rocking Jun in his arms and awaiting your arrival from the shower.

You, on the other hand, made sure to cry out all of your self-doubts, worries, anxiety and depressing thoughts while under the running water. The post-partum depression wasn’t anything new to you; you were well aware this would happen. But you didn’t think it would last this long and that it would be this hard. Surely, having one child was taxing for a mother but you genuinely felt lost with triplets. It was a vicious, unstoppable circle and if you wouldn’t find a solution on how to tend to them effectively without ruining yourself, you could end up in a very bad place.

So you wrapped yourself up in a towel and left the bathroom with a weak, but nonetheless present determination. You wouldn’t let your family down; because that was what you were now as you quietly watched Baekhyun playing with your newborns. You were all a family. Your marital status said nothing about you and Baekhyun because you were already connected on a much deeper, unbreakable level.

Baekhyun looked up just in time to catch a gentle smile on your lips and he felt an instant relief. Giving one last caress to Juna, he stood up and walked over to you, his hand sliding over your waist to bring you closer to his body. “Feeling better?” he asked quietly, gazing into your eyes with affection.

You nodded. “Much better. Everything is better when you’re there,” you mumbled, looking down on his chest.

“Sweetheart,” he sighed and with his other hand tilted your chin so you would look at him. “You’re doing amazing. Don’t ever doubt yourself. It’s damn hard. But you keep surprising me and leaving me astonished every single time. I already told you - you’re my hero. A wonder woman.”

You let out a small, doubtful laugh. “What are you saying...”

“It’s true,” he insisted passionately and that only made you giggle more. “And I love you.”

Your laugh stopped and your smile slowly disappeared while looking into his now serious orbs. Finally, your hand touched his cheek and he leaned into it. “I love you, too, honey. I’m sorry for making you worried.”

He shook his head gently and pressed his lips to yours in an innocent kiss. “It’s alright. I know it won’t happen next time, right?” He gave you a pointed look. “Mummy won’t make daddy worry like that, am I correct?”

You nodded. “Correct.”

“Then it’s fine,” he smiled and gave your backside a gentle tap. “Now change up. I don’t want my fiancée to catch a cold.” He stepped away from you and was about to go take a shower when he added: “And you’re distracting in that towel.”

...

The next morning you were both enjoying the unusual quietness, sleeping in and snuggling into each other more. No longer having the pregnancy fever that would make you leave Baekhyun’s embrace in the night, you buried your nose deeper into the crook between his neck and shoulder and you felt his lips puckering against your forehead in a lazy morning kiss as a way to greet you. You hummed, breathing a reciprocating kiss on his neck which made him chuckle in his deep, morning voice that always made your heart skip a beat. His hands were connected on your lower back while you were resting your knee on his thigh, trying to eliminate as much space as possible.

The warmth you were sharing under the blanket was so cozy it was bringing you into a state of peacefulness you haven't experienced in a while. Baekhyun was the same and it only proved when he let his hands rest under your shirt, his fingers drawing comforting, though ticklish circles in the dimples on your lower back. You let out a breathy laugh and he followed, quiet not to disturb the peace. Pressing another kiss to your temple, he sighed in content, his eyes still closed.

After half an hour and the first baby up, you were sitting by the small dining table, feeding Jun while Baekhyun was preparing some breakfast and morning tea. Since you didn’t want to drink coffee, worried the caffeine would affect your breastfeeding, he decided to join you and consume the same drinks and food as you. You were, indeed, together in this.

“What are we going to do with that envelope, honey?” you asked, checking your fiancée’s broad back as he was putting some seaweed on the top of the porridge.

“Accept it,” was his reply as he grabbed both bowls and walked over to the table, putting one in front of you and one in front of him, joining you as he sat down on the floor. “After all the inconveniences you think there is still space to refuse?”

You thought over his words. “It’s a lot of money.”

“And you aren’t getting a job any time soon. Plus, he kicked you out while you could easily still work for him,” he reasoned while mixing his porridge. “Accept it.”

How easy, you thought, accept the money and enjoy it. But the amount was big and it was scary for you.

“Oh, this reminds me!” Baekhyun quickly stood up and rushed over to his sports bag, searching for something inside. He trudged back with an open envelope in his hand. He took out the paper for you and handed it to you before sitting down and resuming his mixing. “From the government.”

You fumbled with the paper and quickly ran over the lengthy letter. Rocking Jun gently in your arms, it was like a second nature by now even while reading shocking news like the one you just found out.

“Baek- is this for real?” you gasped and looked at him, his cheeks full of porridge as he smiled and nodded.

“Absolutely.”

As a thank you for bringing three kids to the society, the government was giving you a family apartment.

“We are to see the house tomorrow,” smiled Baekhyun once he swallowed and gave you a loving look when Jun finished feeding and you adjusted your shirt. “So I’d say, it’s a very good start.”

Still in shock, you brought Jun’s head to your shoulder and patted his back gently, waiting for the burp he needed. “I can’t believe it. It’s too good to be true.”

“I told you the government has some rewards, sweetheart. No need to worry. It seems like we will be moving soon.”

You stared at him, a small smile stretching into a full-blown one, and Baekhyun felt himself being over the moon.

...

The next day you found yourself in front of a sturdy, good-quality entrance door. You had Jun in the baby carrier on your chest, while Baekhyun had Juna and Junhee with him, one in front and the latter on his back. He looked so adorable yet incredibly attractive with his daughters, gently rocking them to keep them entertained although he couldn’t see Junhee in the back. A young father, who was too immersed in the situation to even notice how you were throwing him subtle, but appreciative glances. Who would have thought Baekhyun looked enticing with babies? Blushing, you gently shook your head, ridding yourself of intrusive thoughts.

Instead, over the past couple of days, you were thinking hard whether to bring the triplets along since it wasn’t easy to move in the busy city with newborns but you decided to use the taxi; plus the government workers who seemed present could witness with their own eyes that you really had the kids; that it was not a joke.

There were two ladies present: one from the city hall and the other one was from real estates. Both of them gave you a look of respect before actually looking at the babies who were thankfully in a good mood today.

“So this would be the apartment,” announced the real estate lady as she let all of you in, giving you space to take off your shoes before entering the wide space. There was a dark corridor that led to a joint space of kitchen and living room, the two combined were as big as your current home. So spacious.

You couldn’t hold in a silent gasp as you looked around. The kitchen’s counter was made of marble and was combined with dark wood. There was so much space for cooking and storage and still plenty of space for having kids running around freely.

Checking the living room, you found yourself facing a wide window that stretched from floor to ceiling, offering a look of the quiet neighborhood, and in the background the tall buildings of Seoul. It was an apartment you wouldn't even dare to dream about.

“Wow,” muttered Baekhyun as he stood next to you, still rocking the babies up and down. He was cradling Juna’s head gently as she was about to fall asleep. “This is amazing.”

“Too amazing,” you added.

“As you could see downstairs, the building offers a 24/7 security guard, an underground parking lot and advanced security system. This is a family neighborhood, so the outside park is also guarded by CCTV and there are plenty of playgrounds!” informed the real estate agent kindly, giving a gentle smile when she saw Baekhyun checking Juna in his arms. “The building’s construction was finished early this year, so this apartment is brand new. Of course, the little community here is already growing so I have no doubts once the kiddie winkles grow up they will have plenty of friends to find and play with.”

“This is the highest standard apartment we offer to families with multiplets,” added the government worker more strictly. She seemed the reserved one, for obvious reasons, but it seemed that the look of your fiancée with his baby girls could melt even her reluctant heart as her eyes softened at the sight of him. “You should check the rest of the rooms - there is one master bedroom with its private bathroom and there is another smaller one at the entrance we just passed. There are two more empty rooms,” she said and gave you a small smile. “So, of course, not each of your little ones can have a room by themselves-“

“There is no need for that,” you chimed in politely, earning yourself everyone’s attention and you tried not to become embarrassed. Baekhyun stood closer to you and with his free hand caressed your back. “I mean, this is already a huge help to us. I think we would like our kids to share the space so they can learn how to live with each other and become close. Sharing is important, especially where we come from, so it would be a good way to teach them that,” you hesitated before you looked up to Baekhyun’s kind eyes for confirmation. “Right?”

He nodded and looked at the two ladies. “That’s absolutely right. This is already more than we could ever ask for.”

After quickly checking the rest of the apartment, you realized the lightness of your steps, the apartment being too good to be true. As much as you tried not to do it, you found yourself imagining the life you would start here with Baekhyun and the triplets. You’d have everything you need. You could even have people over because there was enough space for that!

“So, I take it you like the apartment?” asked the real estate agent once you all grouped in the kitchen.

“We love it,” you exclaimed with excitement.

The government worker placed some documents and a pen on the marble counter. “In our system, there was no data about your marriage,” she said in her official tone that made you instantly feel uneasy. “If you could provide us with your marriage certificate, we could make the necessary transactions and you could move in basically right away.”

Silence fell over the place, only the small baby gurgles coming from Junhee, the only one awake now interrupting the otherwise tense moment. You looked at Baekhyun who was quick to reply: “You know, the deal is we aren’t married yet. We are engaged. You know, with the pregnancy and the expenses going for the baby care...” he trailed off, giving a small smile.

Feeling your throat going dry, you quickly looked down at your baby boy, the look of him more calming than the situation you found yourself in. It wasn’t hard for you to put two and two together. They wouldn’t give you the apartment unless you were married. And with that you felt all the elevated feelings dissipate.

“I understand,” was the government worker’s reply. “So you aren’t married. But, Mr Byun, you are the father of the kids, correct?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Any proof of your engagement?” she asked, looking at you now.

Quickly, you raised your left hand, showing the only jewelry you wore even though you shouldn’t while with the babies. Even though not a solid, official proof, it would have to do for now. “This is the engagement ring from my fiancée,” you said and kept checking the lady’s facial expressions.

“I proposed after we came back from the hospital. As you know, we don’t have many resources to make our wedding possible, but we will register the marriage as soon as possible,” explained Baekhyun who was now holding your hand, stroking your knuckles gently with his thumb in order to calm you down. He could pick up the small panic and worry in your eyes but he would not let this opportunity slip away from you. Being honest with the government worker was what he decided to do. He would have to trust she would be kind enough to understand your situation.

The lady gave a curt nod, thinking over what Baekhyun said. You saw her watching your hands connected and then the peaceful babies. She saw you and your tired face and simple clothes. Nothing extraordinary, nothing that would shine and grab her attention.

In a way, you were thankful she wasn’t showing her judgments with you having kids without marriage. It was tough to break through in the society you lived in; people didn’t like things that were against the rules. They saw you as two young people that had way too much fun in the bedroom which resulted in an obvious mistake in form of three human beings. That wasn’t the case though. Triplets and being with Baekhyun was anything but a mistake.

“Okay, this is what we are going to do,” she proposed after a while of silence. “Since I am the one handling your papers, I will trust you that you will register your marriage as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I will ask for birth certificates that prove Mr Byun is the father of the triplets. That way I can hand you the apartment without delaying you and you can move in quickly to start a more comfortable life,” she gave you a smile and you let out a small gasp.

“You would do that?” you asked and felt your own lips stretch. “Thank you very much!”

Baekhyun’s grin was wide and he brought the hand that was holding yours up to his lips, kissing you there. “Thank you. In fact, I had a hunch this would occur so I prepared the necessary copies already. I can hand them to you right now.”

You were surprised at his words. Baekhyun knew the apartment could be taken away from you? How was he always so well prepared?

“Great,” replied the lady and pointed at the documents that you now had a good look at. Contracts for the apartment. “Then we can proceed with signing the necessary papers and you can move in!”

...

It felt almost unreal; the promise of a new, very comfortable home.

Hands tangling in the air, you kept a strong hold of your fiancée’s hand as you walked towards your current home. With all three kids now sleeping in the carriers, you were looking forward to having a little time to yourselves.

“Let’s sit on the bench for a little bit, hmm?” you suggested as you walked by the closest park. “It’s so nice outside and I want to enjoy some air.”

Baekhyun was fast to agree, happy to hear you in a cheerful voice.

Once sitting down, you sat as close to him as possible, resting your head on his shoulder although he didn't lean back to rest, since Junhee was sleeping there.

“Are you satisfied?” asked Baekhyun quietly, breaking the comfortable silence. Despite the newborns not being crybabies unlike the both of you were so worried about, it was still a blessing to catch a breath when they were peacefully asleep.

You turned your head gently and pressed a kiss to his clothed shoulder which made him smile. “Yes, very much. Thank you for taking care of everything. Thank you for thinking two steps ahead and going prepared.”

He let out a gentle laugh and you felt his arm drape over your lower back, gently bringing you closer while he gazed at his son on your chest. “That is only natural, baby.”

The endearment made you smile and you lifted your head. He blinked a few times at you in an attempt to make you giggle but he was surprised when you pressed your lips to his. Closing his eyes, he returned the kiss, making sure neither of you would go overboard and be loud.

“Love you,” you whispered, barely an inch from his lips before claiming them again. His hum of satisfaction made you feel proud, accomplished and the squeeze on your hip made you sigh in content.

“Love you, too, princess.” A breathy whisper. “Can we take this home,” muttered Baekhyun suggestively, charmed by you, when the both of you broke apart, and he kissed your cheek lovingly, eventually pressing his cheek to yours, closing his eyes. “While we have privacy for each other.”

His words made your heart skip an excited beat. Surely, you two didn't and definitely wouldn't have any private, intimate time in near future like you used to have before. But for some reason, the idea of becoming intimate with him again after pregnancy gave you a slight anxiety. You had flashbacks of how ugly and scarred you must have looked down there after the stitches. And just the idea of sleeping with him was scaring you in that moment.

He pulled away when he didn't hear an answer from you, and he took notice of the slight blush and conflicted gaze. He brought his hand to your face and caressed your cheek before pressing his lips to your forehead. “Never mind that. I wasn't thinking straight,” he whispered reassuringly, “I can rarely think straight when I'm with you. I know you still need to heal a lot, love.”

His words made you smile and you couldn't have been more thankful for his thoughtfulness than in that moment. Both of you enjoyed intimate times a lot, especially during pregnancy, but now the tables have turned. Even though it had been more than two weeks since you came home from the hospital, it still hurt in the tiniest way to walk around, go to the toilet or to squat. There was no way you could do anything more than that just yet.

“Just so you know,” he continued, smiling at you gently as his eyes flickered over your facial features, “I will wait for you. So don't you dare stress yourself, missy. I know you too well.”

You let out a breathy laugh when you felt Jun stirring, his eyes still tightly closed. He hummed, as if hearing Baekhyun's voice was soothing. “You're the best.”

“Only the best for mummy,” he whispered as he pecked you one last time, his hand now on the back of Jun's head, cradling it gently.

Checking Junhee behind Baekhyun, you saw she was still sound asleep, including Juna in the front.

“So we will register our marriage,” you mumbled gently, not to disturb the babies. Honestly, the whole situation happening at the new apartment made you wonder why you never actually made some moves to marry when you didn't need a wedding. Now that you thought of it, you wouldn't be able to make one even if you wanted to; three babies were too much to look out for while also trying to organize a bigger event. But still, the idea of actually becoming Baekhyun's wife and it officially being written on the paper left you excited and a little dizzy, because you really would become a family. You two would be official and you would have a proof that you belonged to him, and he belonged to you.

“Yes, we will register our marriage.” You thought you heard a smirk in his voice and when you checked, it was right there, plastered on his face while his cheeks puffed up. “We should make arrangements with Chanyeol... Or maybe Sukyeong and Chen would want to watch over them for a little while, until we are done at the City Hall?” suggested Baekhyun, now taking your hand in his, raising it up to his mouth to press butterfly kisses on your knuckles.

“Alright, that's a good idea,” you nodded, enjoying the feeling of his lips on your skin and his warm breath.

“Maybe we could go on a small date afterwards?” he suggested again, his voice soft yet so throaty at the mention of a date. “It's been a damn while since we actually made an effort to go out and just enjoy our time.”

Once again, his words made you smile, bewitched by his sultry tone while his eyes observed you droopily. He was awakening the butterflies in your tummy. “Alright,” you said again, “let's do that. Let's enjoy ourselves.”

“As newly married,” he added with a little laugh.

Leaning in, you sealed his words with a slow kiss. “As newly married.”

...

You were breastfeeding while you listened to Baekhyun's phone call with Chen. Both of you decided it would be more fun for the couple to come and watch out for the little ones. You promised them you wouldn't be taking long, since you were still breastfeeding.

Once Baekhyun was off the phone, he looked at you affectionately while you fed Junhee. He was about to say something when Juna, laying on the blanket, started to cry.

Baekhyun and you exchanged looks and he was fast to tend to her before she would trigger Jun who was curiously looking at the toys hanging above his head. You received those gifts from your friends and you couldn't have been more thankful.

Baekhyun was walking in front of you, rocking Juna gently to ease up her discomfort. Just then you gasped sharply when you felt a familiar pull in your lower abdomen and Junhee's bite at the same time.

Baekhyun stopped abruptly to check on you, his eyes alarmed. “What's wrong?”

You shook your head, trying to pull Junhee away from your nipple, but it was still hurting. “She bit me and I'm cramping.”

Cramping wasn't news to you since you were informed about it before. It was just a natural reaction of your uterus shrinking to its original size and breastfeeding, apparently, created enough hormones to do it. It sucked that it was accompanied by pains.

He walked over, kneeling in front of you while Juna's crying was slowly easing up. “Do you want me to take her?”

“No, it's fine,” you mumbled, scrunching your face up in slight discomfort. “I guess we both still need to figure out how to breastfeed, right, Junhee?” you asked in a soft tone, looking at your daughter with utmost love. “Let's try the other boob, hm?”

Baekhyun chuckled and while you changed Junhee's position, he grabbed a pillow and motioned for you to lift Junhee up a bit. “Your back pain will get worse,” he reminded, and you felt an immediate ease when you lowered Junhee on the pillow; her not being so low was a big plus.

Catching Baekhyun's loving gaze, you smiled tiredly. “Thank you, honey.”

“Of course, sweetheart,” he mumbled and looked down at sucking Junhee. “Don't you hurt your mummy, alright, little one? She is giving you food, so be thankful.”

You giggled and he smiled at the sound of it while still cradling Juna to his shoulder. “What is daddy saying...”

“Well, we have to raise them properly. We should start early. Besides! Only I have the right to bite,” he winked cheekily and you gasped quietly, pushing his chest playfully with your free hand. “What, it's true.” Another wink. “And you really should start thinking about pumping, sweetheart. I understand the benefits of being close to them, but you should think of yourself too. It isn't easy - just imagine how it would ease you up, hm?” he asked and rocked Juna a little longer before moving to put her down next to Jun on the little blanket.

Baekhyun was completely right and this time it was your turn to feel awe at just how much he understood without you having to voice your thoughts. Even though you had yet to tell him about the silly stomachache and a depression that was growing on you every time you were left alone with the triplets, he seemed to already know.

Gently smiling, you nodded when you noticed he lied down on his side next to the blanket with Jun and Juna, his study book open right next to Jun. He supported his head with his hand and this way he had a great view of his family. “You study, sir. Someone has to snatch that PhD title.”

He giggled, puckering his lips as he sent you a kiss. Making sure you received it, he sighed and double-checked the babies before focusing on the text.

...

The next day Baekhyun was out for school. The night was spent up, babying the triplets who seemed to become dissatisfied as soon as you put them back down to rest. So Baekhyun decided, at 3am, to just lie next to them - him on their right side so he was closer to the door when he had to leave in the morning, and you were on the opposite side. It was strange to sleep separated; usually Baekhyun’s warmth and just the idea of his presence right next to you was a given. But both of you were way too tired to give one another a longing look and you needed Baekhyun to rest. His defense was coming up in a couple of weeks and despite not showing it, he was stressed.

For today, you ordered Sukyeong to come to your place right after finishing at work, your desperate call scaring her for a moment before calming her down.

“But prepare,” you warned, “we are going out.”

And so you had Juna and Junhee strapped on your chest and back while you sheepishly asked Sukyeong to take Jun, but she was more than happy to do so which made you inwardly sigh in relief.

The closest shopping center was not that far, you could easily afford to walk, hoping the babies would be behaving for a little while while enjoying the fresh air.

“So you know how you and Chen agreed to babysit next week?” you started as you walked on the busy street. Always on alert, you kept checking anyone who passed too close to you, not wanting them to brush up against your babies or hurting them in any way.

Sukyeong hummed excitedly, almost skipping before she realized she had a little human in her arms.

“Anyway- it was Baekhyun’s birthday while we were still in the hospital. I want to surprise him,” you mentioned somewhat shy. “Do you think you could help me choose a pretty dress? I want to at least look half decent when we sign our marriage papers.”

You stopped at the red light directly opposite Lotte Mall. Crowds of students and young people were a little overwhelming but nothing you weren’t used to. You could only hope it wasn’t triggering for the triplets.

“Of course!” gushed Sukyeong, waving her hand around while the other one was holding Jun’s head carefully, the baby looking up at her with curious eyes. “Do not worry, my dear mama friend. I’ll make you look like the princess he knows you as!”

You giggled and crossed the street, finally entering the building. There were so many options you could surprise your fiancée with, the first idea was buying a pretty underwear that you rarely wore because you barely had two pairs and they were uncomfortable for you. But knowing you weren’t ready for him to take it off of you and indulge in each other just yet, you decided to go for a really nice dress.

“Is it funny that I know exactly what Baek likes?” mused Sukyeong as she was already fishing for the right dress. Shrugging, you shook your head. After all, the ring you were wearing was because she knew yours and Baek’s taste. “So! We will go for something you wouldn’t usually go for,” she decided as she picked up a tight black dress.

Your eyes widened at the selection and you felt embarrassed and almost on the verge of tears when you said: “Nothing tight, Sukyeonga. I still have the baby bump and you know, I’m breastfeeding. It should be loose. And bigger in size,” you added, scrunching your nose at the look of the dress. “I need to lose weight.”

Sukyeong, to your surprise, tsked and shook her head gently, already having two dresses on her arm. “Don’t you worry, I’ve got you allll covered.”

You shook your head in amusement as you cooed at Junhee in front of you, gently rocking your body as you also kept walking around, looking for any style or colour that would catch your attention.

“Which one do you girls like?” you asked in a gentle voice, talking to your daughters. You didn’t like that you couldn’t see Juna behind you but silence was a good sign, so you tried not to dwell too much on it. “Which one would daddy like the most?” Taking out one creamy, flowy dress you debated for a little bit, assessing the style and cut to make sure it wouldn't be something that would make you uncomfortable. The last thing you wanted was a mental breakdown on an important day like that.

Roaming around a little bit and grabbing a couple of more dresses, you slowly walked over to the entrance to the fitting rooms, looking around to see if you could spot your friend. She seemed to be on fire when you also gave her the green to pick a dress of any price which she never heard you utter before.

After long thinking, you decided to accept the lotto money you got. Of course, you called your boss and thanked him - despite his denying, he said it was his and other CEOs' ideas in the company who decided to do it. You weren't sure how the hell they got lucky like that, but you were on the received end of it so you decided to drop it and accept it just like Baekhyun advised. You needed the money more than ever with the three kiddie winkles now present in your life.

“Coming, coming!” shouted Sukyeong as she was nearing you with fast steps. Her arms were full of dresses and you slightly winced when she reached you, Jun still somehow alive. “He is fine, don't worry,” she giggled breathlessly.

You nodded, still checking Jun who was peacefully looking around, completely unaware of the mess Sukyong became. “Let's head inside?”

Your friend was fast to nod and when you turned, you greeted the lady who was organizing the stacks of clothes before she turned to you with a fake smile. “Hello! How many-”

“It's all of this and-” you turned around, pointing at Sukyeong's arm, “all of that.”

She nodded and pointed towards the cabin. You moved to go when she stopped Sukyeong who followed you cheerfully. “Oh, miss, I'm afraid you can't go in if you won't be trying clothes.”

“But she is helping me with my kids, you see,” you started politely though a little taken aback at the lady's attitude. The fitting rooms weren't crowded either. “Someone needs to help me with them-”

“I'm sure she can do that outside of the fitting rooms,” the worker pressed a smile.

“Excuse me?” snapped Sukyeong, the more outspoken one. “She has three babies if you can't see.”

The worker showed zero sympathy as she squeezed her lips together until they disappeared, and shook her head in disapproval. “Rules are rules.”

You frowned, already feeling the boiling anger at the way she was being unfair. If that wasn't enough, you felt Juna behind you squirm, leaving whimpers you were very well familiar with.

You sighed exasperatedly and turned to Sukyong. “Leave it. I'll give you the girls if that's fine? I'll be super fast, promise,” you started, already reaching for Junhee in front of you when you heard a male's voice.

“I couldn't not hear this exchange and I want to ask you - aren't you ashamed of yourself?” A young, rather tall, well-built man appeared, scowling at the worker. “The ladies just told you their situation and you still refuse to make it easier for them?”

You shot Sukyeong a shocked look who did the same before she brought her stunned gaze back to the handsome male.

The worker looked embarrassed to the point where several people shot her a disapproving look when they gave you and Sukyeong a look over with the three babies out of which one was starting to squirm too much. She smiled quickly and gave you the green light to go in. You didn't bother thanking her, instead bowing gratefully to the tall man who smiled at you so handsomely it would make you stutter if you were to speak.

Sukyeong grabbed your arm and dragged you in, practically throwing you into a stall. “C'mon, we don't have much time,” she said, shooting death glares to who was most probably the worker.

She was right and so you quickly removed the straps, first securing Junhee, who was still peaceful, to Sukyeong's back and Juna in her arms so she could try to calm her down.

While you were trying outfits, you had your own little breakdown when the dresses didn't look quite as you wished they would on your figure.

Sukyeong was giving you her honest opinions and even though she saw your irritated expression, she kept telling you how pretty you looked. But you knew your body before and now, and it was anything but pretty. Baekhyun also knew your body before and now. The way your backside was sticking out with your baby bump still very present while your breasts were so huge the textiles of the dresses were impossible to push over them brought you to tears.

That was until you reached the creamy dress you picked up first. Wiping one tear, you felt your heart starting to race when you heard the whimpers of three babies and Sukyeong's quick shushing.

“I'm on the last one and then we are out of here!” you informed a bit louder so she could hear you while you smoothly slipped in the dress, the colour complimenting you. The skirt was the perfect combination of flowy, the hem stopping above your knees, and it was tight in just the right way. The dress itself had to be worn like a gown, a simple bow tied on the side of your waist to keep it together. Knotting a pretty bow, you twirled once around feeling the confidence and satisfaction you were desperately waiting for.

Snapping back to reality, you quickly showed yourself to Sukyeong who had now two out of three babies very close to making a huge ruckus, but she was excited about the dress nonetheless. You clapped happily when she approved and then you were changing.

You just managed to pull on your leggins when you heard the same worker speaking up again. “Excuse me, miss, but can you take this somewhere else? I am afraid you are disturbing our customers.”

And just like that your mood was successfully ruined. Hastily gathering your belongings, you were fast to be out, already reaching for Juna who wasn't strapped to Sukyeong. You noticed Jun being the second unsatisfied baby and you tried to suppress your tears.

“I'll pay and then let's go to the toilet, I'll feed them quickly there,” you said out loud to Sukyeong so she could hear you over the wailings. People were staring at you by now, and you were in an emotional disarray because of the stressful situation, but you didnt let their stares render you motionless. You had to be fast.

Once you paid for the pretty dress, you found yourself sitting on a toilet lid, Jun and Juna attached to your breasts while Junhee, still held by Sukyeong, was starting her crying spree.

“It's okay little Junhee, don't cry,” shushed Sukyeong, quickly rocking the baby which made the situation just worse.

“Don't bother, Sukyeonga,” you said, drained of all energy as you tried to find a comfortable position but of course it was impossible on a toilet lid. Your back and arms were about to fall off but you determined yourself to pull through this so you could walk home in peace.

“How can you manage this, I honestly don't know,” gushed Sukyeong, giving a kind smile to Junhee while her words were full of disbelief.

You sighed. “I never said I'm managing it. I'm actually a terrible mother.” Your voice wavered. “You see the mess, don't you,” you replied just when your phone started to ring.

Sukyeonga was disagreeing with you but then she fished out the phone from your bag. “It's Baekhyun.”

“Don't pick up, I can't really talk right now-” before you knew it she accepted the call and pressed the phone to your ear, your fiancée most probably welcomed with a crying baby in the background. “Honey.”

“Hey, sweetheart, where are you?” he asked and you could hear uncertainty in his voice.

You sighed again. “I went shopping with Sukyeong, no need to worry. We will be home soon.”

“Are you okay? Which one is crying so much?” Baekhyun was worried and you could hear a frown in his voice. You only dropped him a message that you were taking the kids out and didn’t really talk later, him being busy with his class but seeing how much time must have passed with you trying on countless dresses, he was probably at home by now.

“It’s Junhee but I’ll feed her soon when it's her turn-“

“You’re feeding now?” he repeated, shocked. “Where are you? Is there a nursing room where you can do it safely? Don’t tell me you’re feeding out in public.”

Sukyeong was chewing on her lip when you shot her a look. Just then you hissed; Juna bit you. “Shit-“ you scrunched up your face in pain. “Honey, I can’t right now-“

“I’ll come there, tell me where you’re at.”

“Don’t worry please-“ you repeated but he wasn’t having it.

“Where did you go for shopping? You’re in the nursery room right? Is there-“

Shaking your head you leaned away from the phone, tired from listening to his nagging and to the baby’s crying. “I can’t do this right now!” you raised your voice, exasperated, and Sukyeong was fast to take the phone away and fake a smile as she took the call.

“Oh, Baekhyun, all is well; she is with me. Don’t worry we are in a good spot, she isn’t feeding in public. We will be home soon.” She paused a bit and tried to shush crying Junhee but to no avail. “Yeah, I promise, I promise, but we gotta go now- yes she is absolutely fine, no need to worry!” she repeated while looking at you. She took a note of how tired and drained you were, both babies sucking at your breasts when there was still one mouth left to feed. Baekhyun’s worried voice wasn’t helping her calm down so she did the only thing she could think of in the loudness of the bathroom - without saying anything, she ended the call and put your phone down next to the sink, quickly holding Junhee with both hands and rocking her while distracting her with some baby talk.

Sukyeong wasn’t sure what she was expecting of you to be like with three babies. It was happy news and you and Baekhyun were both loving people who she always believed would become great parents. But this was anything but easy on the both of you.

Looking at you now, she could only have respect.

...

You were completely drained when Sukyeong left your place later that evening. Babies were sleeping deeply but Baekhyun seemed like a tiger in its cage. Restless. Ready to bite.

“Sweetheart, next time tell me where you go,” he said in a hushed tone when you closed the door to your bedroom where you put the babies to rest. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed on his chest.

“Okay,” you muttered and wanted to head for the bathroom but he quickly caught your hand, gently intertwining your fingers to bring you close to him. He noticed the stains on your t-shirt, the milk leaking.

“I was just worried, sorry,” he breathed and brought his free hand to your neck, his thumb caressing your jaw. “I freaked out.”

You nodded. “I understand. I need to shower, I’m disgusting right now,” you muttered, brushing his apology aside and not meeting his earnest eyes. Just a little while ago you spent more than an hour on a toilet lid feeding. Your muscles were aching and you were mentally drained.

“Why did you go shopping suddenly?” he asked, ignoring your statement. “We do those things together.”

“Not important. Just wanted to spend some time with Sukyeong.”

“Hey, look at me,” he demanded in a quiet, but gentle voice. When you didn’t comply, he spotted tears brimming your eyes and he was fast to tilt your head with his fingers. “What’s the matter,” he breathed and brought you closer.

Closing your eyes, you felt the tears escaping and rolling down your cheeks but Baekhyun let go of your hand and brought it up to your face. “Just tired.”

He observed you a little longer before bringing you to his chest, letting you hug him and hide. “Shh, it’s fine. You did so well, sweetheart. You’re so strong. You’re literally doing your best.”

“I’m a terrible mother and I annoyed like half of the shopping center, Baekhyun,” you muttered, hiccuping a little as you snuggled into his shirt even more.

He was caressing your back now, his other hand on the back of your head, stroking your hair. “What is this nonsense? You didn’t annoy anyone. You did a great job in tending to the little ones - you saw how peacefully they’re sleeping right now,” he whispered in your ear.

You scrunched up the textile covering his chest. “It’s hard. It’s so hard.”

“I know, I know. And I’m sorry I’m not there to help you all the time. I promise I’ll get better.”

You leaned back, shaking your head frantically as you searched his soft gaze. “No, Baekhyun, this is not your fault. You’re already doing so much. You’re the best partner, my best supporter.” You heaved out a heavy sigh as more tears rolled down your cheeks. “You’re perfect. And I’m trying to be good enough for you-“

This time Baekhyun was fast to shake his head, resolutely saying: “Don’t even finish that sentence. You’re perfect.” He whispered your name as he leaned into your face to make you pay attention to him. “You’re perfect.” His breath fanned your parted lips and you closed your eyes. “No one could be a better mother to my children. No one else could do it better than you. I promise you’re even better than before.”

You smiled, listening to his hushed whispers and feeling the warmth of his mouth on your lips. He pecked you quickly. “Don’t you worry about this anymore. You’re not getting rid of me if that’s what you’re trying to do.”

You gasped, snapping your eyes open. “I’m not- never!” you exclaimed louder than you should have and he put his finger on your lips.

“Shh,” he giggled, “not a single sound.”

You narrowed your eyes on him when he put his finger away. “You already have three kids with me - there's no way I’m trying to get rid of you, okay?”

He wiggled his eyebrows at you. “Exactly. Three.”

You laughed quietly, your mood instantly better. He hugged you tightly and even though your breasts were hurting, you didn’t mind. You needed a Baekhyun.

...

It was the big day. The pair of you was heading to the city hall to sign the marriage papers and you just finished tying your dress, carefully checking yourself in the mirror in your bedroom.

The Babies were gurgling peacefully, touching the simple toys you got them to support their curiosity while you heard Baekhyun approaching. You held your breath when you felt him stop in the doorway to the bedroom, his eyes drinking in your figure that looked gorgeous with the help of the dress.

Turning to him, you gave him a shy smile. “Do you like it?”

Baekhyun’s eyes were still traveling up and down your body before finally meeting your shaking orbs and he made the separating couple of steps towards you. “You look stunning.” His eyes fell on your covered up cleavage for a second before meeting your eyes again. “I don’t know this dress. Is this the one you bought last week?”

You nodded. “I went through a lot of trouble to get this dress,” you told him with a cheeky smile growing on your face. “So you better appreciate it.”

He gave you a handsome smile. “I’m loving it,” he murmured, leaning in. “It looks like it was made just for you.” He breathed a kiss on your parted lips as he snaked his arms around your waist. You hugged his neck, bringing him closer. He pecked you once more and whispered: “Always make it hard for me to keep my focus, princess.”

You giggled, shaking your head though his words made you all giddy from happiness. “Same for you, honey.” Baekhyun was clad in dress pants and white shirt politely tucked in, adorned with a black tie. He could make a simple suit look irresistibly attractive, to the point where you once again questioned your luck. It wouldn't be surprising if he ended up gaining attention from all the ladies in the streets.

He hummed, his lips just inches from yours when you moved to kiss him. Getting lost in the kiss, only a cheerful screech coming from one of your little ones made you separate and laugh as the both of you looked at the triplets.

“You like it when I kiss mummy?” quipped Baekhyun in his cooing, high-pitched voice. He gave your cheek that was turned to him a quick smooch, making you gasp and giggle just to earn another happy screech from your small audience.

Baekhyun was giggling like a little baby as well and before you knew it he was attacking you with gentle pecks, kisses and tiny bites that your babies couldn’t even catch and they were all cheering and laughing.

It was such a beautiful moment. You turned the game around and now your lips were attacking Baekhyun’s face, smooching sounds growing louder with each cheer until there were dissatisfied whines coming from Juna and Junhee. It seemed the more you kissed your husband-to-be, the more the little baby girls became unhappy.

You were a little shocked but snorted right away. “Oh, so I can’t kiss daddy? I’m not allowed?” you asked them seriously, while Baekhyun turned and had you press your back to his front, his head resting on your shoulder as he dreamily gazed at the babies.

Your answer never came so you turned your head and kissed Baekhyun’s soft cheek just to earn another round of whining. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” you pouted before they would start crying while Baekhyun couldn’t stop laughing. His palms squeezed your middle, a hum leaving his throat as he pressed a kiss to your neck. All three of the babies were more than happy now until Jun was the one whining.

You and Baekhyun exchanged incredulous looks before you started to laugh again. “I get it now,” mumbled Baekhyun. “You’re Jun’s, and I’m the girls’.”

Shaking your head you stepped away from him and crouched to kiss all three of them. “Well, what a revelation. But I,” you said, turning to your fiancée to catch him already gazing at you, mesmerized, ”will be yours soon.”

...

The entire process was a little less complex unlike what you expected. There were moments where you couldn’t stop imagining the signing of the papers happening in front of your families and friends in an actual ceremony where you’d be wearing a gorgeous dress and Baekhyun a gentleman's tuxedo. His expectant eyes as he would wait for you at the altar while you walked to him. The warmth and happiness you could share with your loved ones and create a memory that would stick with everyone for a long time, and for you and Baekhyun forever.

Weirdly enough, you imagined yourself still as a pregnant woman, the belly showing off beautifully in the white dress. The triplets would already be proving to everyone how much you and Baekhyun loved each other.

You would have danced the night away. There would be traditions to keep, and it was as if the slightest breeze on the skin of your thighs in which Baekhyun was trying to take off your garter from under your dress, making everyone laugh and you blushing.

You managed to snap out of it when you had to sign the papers, then Baekhyun and eventually Chanyeol, the witness.

Even though you were smiling, you felt a sense of determination; you would make it happen one day. It was almost like a seal of promise when Baekhyun raised your hand to his lips and kissed you there, his eyes speaking volumes.

“Shall we move on to the date, my wife?”

And of course, neither of you were disappointed when you stopped at a tteokbokki food stall not far from your apartment. The elder lady greeted you with a smile and took notice of your attires.

“We just got married,” announced proudly Baekhyun as he looked at you with the softest gaze.

You giggled and raised your hand to show the ring which you have been wearing for a while but it gained a whole new meaning now.

“I only wish the best for you,” she smiled genuinely, “where did you leave the kids?”

You plopped one rice cake in your mouth, the spicy sauce flaring up your taste buds right away.

“Our friends are looking after them,” replied Baekhyun when he tore his gaze away from you to look at the lady. “We thought we should enjoy this meal for a little bit before we have to face parenting duties.”

This lady knew you both since you arrived in Seoul. When you and Baekhyun were only working (and him studying) you’d come for her street food many times per week, it being cheap and tasty. After you got pregnant you didn’t come around that much as your life turned a little upside down, but she remembered you well and she knew about your state.

“Goodness, makes me think back when you were both so young and clueless about Seoul. I can’t believe you’re now parents to three and married,” she shook her head, as she clasped her hands together.

“We are still young,” you said once you swallowed your portion, “and clueless,” you added, dropping your gaze for a moment before looking up at Baekhyun who now reached out his hand to clasp around yours, squeezing gently. “But we have each other and together we can solve any problems that come our way.”

The lady nodded eagerly. “If there is anyone who will make it in this life and through all the hardships, it’s you two. A powerful duo.”

Both you and your husband laughed and the lady proceeded to add more food to “feed you properly on your big day”.

You chatted and laughed and exchanged stories, almost forgetting about the time. But one small message from Sukyeong left you reassured that you could enjoy each other’s presence for a little longer.

munchkins are asleep me and Chen ruined them omg in a GOOD way!!! don’t freak out ok eat loads kisses

You showed the phone screen to Baekhyun who shook his head, amused. “Then let’s go for a small walk, hm? Before heading back.”

And so you bid farewell to the lady, promising to stop by with the babies too and hand in hand you went to the nearby park, slowing down your pace to enjoy the weather.

“I can’t believe I can call you my wife now,” he murmured, looking into the distance. “You actually bear my name, Mrs Byun.” He turned his head to look at you with a small mischief in his eyes.

You pressed your side more to his as you hummed. Those last words he uttered sounded so, so strange yet they felt so right. From now on, you would really have to listen to Mrs Byun. Instead of your soft thoughts you exclaimed: “Yes I’ve been waiting for so long! I can take all your money and get away with it.”

That made your husband burst out into his signature, throaty laugh that you enjoyed so much. “You know whatever is mine is yours. Always.”

His sentimental thoughts changed the whole atmosphere and you couldn’t help not to sigh as you stopped walking to have him look at you properly. Without overthinking it, you looked around, checking for any intruders and when you deemed the air to be clean, you stood on your tiptoes and kissed him. Baekhyun was surprised for a friction of a second before he brought his hands up to your face and returned each of your kisses, letting you set the pace and lead the dance. Bringing him closer by locking your arms around his neck, he grunted gently, his other hand on the small of your back while he reciprocated the nipping on your lower lip. Wanting to tease him, you darted out your tongue and asked for permission to enter which he was eager to grant, before he couldn’t help himself and the slow pace any longer. His other arm flying to your waist, he brought your body closer, while he took the lead and explored your mouth, sucking your tongue and then your lip while his hand squeezed your waist.

As shy as you were, you didn’t care that you were making out with your husband in the park where anyone could see you. His warm mouth on yours and his touches were something you’ve been yearning for without realizing, and if it meant kissing in public, you would do just that.

Breaking the kiss, both of you were panting, your eyes zoomed in on Baekhyun’s swollen lips while he was searching for your eyes.

“I love you,” you breathed, finally flicking your eyes up to meet his. “So much.”

He ran his tongue over his lip before speaking. “I love you more, sweetheart. And now we are officially each other’s.”

You smiled as your breath evened out. “That we are.”

...

You were packing.

Today, you would be moving to a new place you'd be calling home.

All your life and everything you went through - it was all packed up in boxes and bags. You were going through some of your old diaries that you re-discovered just now when you packed up stuff you already forgot you owned. Heaving out an excited gasp, you grabbed one of them and opened it, the pages still fresh and white as if everything you have written in there, all the excitement, passion, tears and hurt not leaving a single mark on the paper at all. It showed how careful you were with everything, especially with your past memories.

On the page that was now opened, your eyes caught a few words that made your heart beat loud and frantic: Baekhyun, lake and first kiss. Blushing, you recalled that moment very well; literally as if it happened only yesterday. Your writing was a little shaky and you swore you were reliving those emotions again when your own hands started to shake at the image of a younger Baekhyun slowly leaning in to claim your lips for the first time.

Quickly turning a few pages back, you once again caught a few words: disappointed, Baekhyun’s girlfriend, military.

You sighed, closing the diary quickly when you heard the babies’ happy gurgling. Looking up, you saw Baekhyun tending to them, cooing and rocking Jun in his arms while his other hand was tickling Junhee and he was making silly faces at Juna, making all of them smile that gorgeous toothless grin. You could swear you never saw such happy babies as were your triplets. It must have been due to the harmonic relationship and atmosphere you had in your home.

Quietly, happy tears collected in your eyes and you finally put the diary away; it was a rollercoaster of emotions about everything that happened back in the days and you were way too young but already so madly in love with the man that was now your husband and a father of your children.

You picked another diary that was older and opened it. Ah right, you thought, blinking the tears away. The beginning of your high school years was where it all properly started. Your gorgeous neighbor growing into a handsome man that did physical work around your school, making all girls swoon while they were literally plastered to the windows during break time just to get a glimpse of the tanned Adonis; you slowly turning into a woman in his eyes and his attempts to pursue you. After all, you were the winner in your countryside school. He chose you. His little, shy neighbor.

You looked up from the pages and once again sighed. You were so thankful for the past but as of now, you were so excited about your present and future. And they were right in front of you. They were all yours now.

Simply yours.

BONUS CHAPTER

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

A/N: And that is the end of Simply Yours. I am emotional, not going to lie. I need to weep a little bit. Thank you for reading! :) hope you enjoyed this story!

Please comment and reblog if you did!

You can also drop an anon msg on curiouscat (pls do)

❤

Happy holidays and all the best in New Year!

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waithyuck · 4 years

Text

4:06 a.m.

pairing: lee donghyuck/haechan x reader (f)

genre: smut // timestamp

word count: 1k

warnings: unprotected sex, soft dom!female reader, sub!hyuck, cumming too fast, mommy kink, I think that’s it?

a/n: my first crack at writing sub!hyuck I hope it did it justice lmao sorry if it’s bad 😳😳

——

in hindsight, you probably shouldn’t have forced donghyuck to go to sleep, especially since you knew he was noticeably needy for you. in your defense, you were tired; a long day at work had your muscles aching and all you wanted to do was sleep. hyuckie had other things on his brain however, trying to rile you up so that you would play with him.

long story short, it didn’t work, and you told him to just go to sleep as you rolled over to face the wall away from him. you heard him huff, but he didn’t fight you. you felt the bed shake as he got comfortable under the covers, and it wasn’t long before soft snores escaped him as he began dreaming. you weren’t too far behind, falling asleep almost as fast as he did.

you didn’t expect to awake to a gentle rocking sensation against your exposed thigh, your eyes fuzzy as you opened them to peer down at the situation. hyuck was awake too, pretty eyes gazing up at you in the darkness of the room as he rutted against your thigh, his hard cock pressing into your skin heavily with each small grind of his hips.

his head was resting against the lower part of you shoulder, his nose nuzzling against your warm skin every now and again as he whimpered.

“oh, hyuckie,” you cooed, your hand coming up to meet his hair, softly stroking the locks with your fingers. he closed his eyes at your touch, his hips stilling for a moment before getting back to work like nothing happened. “you really did need me earlier, didn’t you?”

he nodded his head frantically, still trying to focus on the pressure of your thigh against his dick as he pressed it against you.

you felt yourself becoming wet at the sight of him before you; needy and already fucked out, humping your leg like a dog would. his hair was all over the place, fluffy from his head moving in his sleep, and his swollen lips were parted. even in the darkness you could see a sheen of saliva covering them, indicating that he had been licking and biting his lips constantly since he had woken up.

“can I p-please…” he trailed off, most likely hoping that you would catch on to what he wanted. lucky for him, you were in no mood to tease. smiling, you stroked his cheek lovingly.

“of course, baby.” you gently eased him off of you so you could remove your panties and t-shirt, leaving you bare in front of him as he worked on tugging off his own clothes. reaching down to finger yourself slowly, you stretched yourself out for him, his eyes watching every movement as a needy whine bubbled in his throat at the sight of your wet hole.

you allowed him to be on top this time; most definitely because you were too tired and achy to do any of the actual work yourself. he positioned himself over you, guiding his cock inside you as he buried his face in the valley between your breasts, his breathy whimpers turning you on even further.

he didn’t move until you gave him the okay, something that he always did consistently every time you two shared intimacy.

hyuck didn’t start slow; his pace was needy and sloppy, like he was already close to cumming. you wouldn’t be surprised if he had been worked up, considering you denied him right before the two of you went to bed. he must have been aching to be inside you for hours at this point.

you allowed him to take control of the pace, wrapping your legs around his waist and forcing him deeper, drawing a moan from the both of you. his hands gripped your waist tightly but you didn’t scold him for it, knowing how desperate he was to reach his high.

it wouldn’t be long now; you could tell by the way he was whimpering like he was close to crying, his thrusts becoming even more sloppy than they were at the start. his breath against the skin of your breasts felt heavenly, and to help him go over the edge, you clenched around him tightly, not giving him any room to move.

he practically screamed at the pressure, his orgasm hitting him immediately. the force of which his cum came shooting out was actually astonishing, and you moaned at the feeling of him filling you up.

“I’m s-sorry mommy, I-I’m sorry I—“ hyuck babbled, tears threatening to spring from his eyes as he hugged you, his cock still twitching and spurting small bouts of cum inside you. your eyebrows raised at the name he called you, indicating that he was really deep in subspace and most definitely needed your comfort.

you gently shushed him, running a hand through his hair comfortingly as he came down from his high, pressing a soft kiss to his head that rested between your breasts.

“It’s okay hyuckie,” you reassure him, stroking his side with your free hand. “you were just so excited for me, weren’t you?” he nods without a thought, a few cute whimpers slipping past his lips making your heart fill with warmth.

“y-you felt so g-good,” he whines, his voice still shaky as he lifts his head to look at you with his watery eyes, his cheeks red and lips puffy from biting them. “m-mommy, I was s-so excited to f-feel y-you...”

“I know baby, you did so good.” you leaned up to kiss him, smiling as he let out a small noise of content, his cock softening inside of you. after a minute, you pulled away. “why don’t you go back to sleep like a good boy, hm?”

he looked at you incredulously, moving to pull out of you and sit up before you on the bed.

“but you didn’t cum!” he pouted, reaching for your thighs to pull them further apart, ready to go to town with his mouth.

“no, no, babyboy, it’s okay,” you murmur, sitting up along with him to face him fully. “mommy is okay, she just wants her baby to go back to sleep.”

he pouts once again and you pat his cheek lovingly, causing him to nuzzle into your touch. he finally gives in a pulls a pair of boxers on, snuggling into the covers facing away from you. he’s asleep in seconds, and you smile contently before making your way to the bathroom to clean up the mess he made inside of you.

#haechan smut #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct dream smut #haechan fluff #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #nct 127 fluff #haechan #donghyuck #lee donghyuck #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #timestamp #sub haechan

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cjtheghost-14 · 4 years

Text

After All These Years - Leo Valdez x Reader

Requests: None

Notes: For my first fanfiction I knew I had to do something for my favorite character in the world, Leo Valdez!

Summary: Years ago when you ran away from your dysfunctional family, you met Leo Valdez and quickly fell in love. But, it was not to be. You were torn apart from each other and theres a part of you that never recovered. Years later you live at Camp Half-Blood, being best friends with the legendary Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase. When Percy goes missing the hole Leo left only grows, and when 3 mysterious demigods appear you are suspicious. But then you see Leo.

Warnings: Mental Abuse, Swearing, Angst,Depression, Dysfunctional Families, and tons of Fluff.

Your boots hit the leaf ridden ground silently. Your heart pounding through your chest as you reposition your back pack on your shoulders. You take one last look at your old beaten down and paint chipped house before directing your attention to the path ahead of you. It was pitch black outside, save for the porch light leaking into the darkness beyond. You didn’t know what kind of creatures dwelled in the forest in front of you, but at this point it didn’t matter. After so many years of almost unbearable mental abuse from your (mortal parent), you were finally running away. The only destination in your mind was away. Away from this house of horrors. Away into the great beyond. It was edging into late fall now so you made sure to wear a coat, and pack a few spares too, along with rations, money, and water. You had to refrain from swiping your (mortal parents)’s credit card too, as those cards can be easily tracked. If theres one thing you didn’t want, it would be to come back to this house.

You take one last deep breath, sucking in the cold night air, before suddenly sprinting away into the woods. Your feet crunch down on the dead leaves as you run. The farther away from the house you get the better you feel, so you speed up, darting through the trees in the dark. A soft laugh escapes your lips. It’s a sound you haven't heard yourself make in years, but the feeling is exhilarating. You laugh again, this time louder. The laughter fills your veins with pure bliss. It’s the happiest you’ve ever been.

At least, until your boot snags on a tree root, sending you flying forward into the darkness. You put your hands in front of your face, bracing yourself for impact. You hit the ground hard, skidding through the fallen leaves. Then suddenly the ground isn’t there anymore. Your arms fly out and grab a root, sticking out of the cold earth. You look around and realize you're hanging out over a sinkhole. A strangled cry rips through your lungs as you see how deep it goes. The sensible thing to do is calm down and climb out, but your limbs are numb from the cold and the terror. Tears well up in your eyes as your life flashes before you. Your (mortal parent) always blamed you for your (godly parent) leaving, and made it known to the world. You never had a normal life, or a good one for that matter.

Your hand starts slipping on the root but you're too distracted to notice. Then your cold fingers finally slip off of the root, but before you can fall you feel a warm hand wrap around your wrist. They pull you up and over the ledge of the sinkhole. You immediately stand up and stumble away from the edge, ensuring your safety. Then your eyes drift over to your savior, who’s holding a battery powered lantern that lights up the surrounding area. It’s a Latino boy your age, wearing a grease smeared army jacket. He has wild unruly black curly hair, pointed ears, warm brown eyes, and a mischievous grin creeping up onto his face.

“That would have been quite the fall, huh?” He says.

“Yeah, I saw my life flash before my eyes.” You say, jokingly making a grimace.

He chuckles and you smile at his reaction. You had always hid your pain behind humor, and it was an excellent strategy. It was also a plus to make others laugh when you could never yourself.

“That bad? I can relate, that’s why I’m running away for the…” He trails off, silently counting before saying, “Third time, I think? I’m pretty much an expert by now. Now, what is a cutie like you doing out here?”

You blush slightly and reply with, “Same as you, running away. Except this is my first time.”

“Well…” He says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Since this is your first time and all, how about we stick together? I could show you the ropes.”

You think about it for a moment. Although, what is there to really think about? He seems trustworthy, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s incredibly handsome. “You know what? Let’s do it.”

His eyes widen, “W-woah, really? I didn’t really expect you to say yes.” Then his face splits into a giant grin, “My names Leo Valdez, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m (Y/N) (L/N).”

“Well, let me lead you to my campsite, mi princesa.” At that he takes your hand and starts to lead you through the dark forest.

***

It had been a few weeks since you had met Leo Valdez, and those weeks had been the best weeks of your life. You had become best friends with him fairly quickly. He was just so funny, cute, and selfless. He had opened up to you about his past and his mother and in turn you opened up to him about your past. At this point he knew more about you than even your (mortal parent). You had to admit, you were falling in love with him.

You were planning on telling him tonight, huddling around your nightly campfire. Your thoughts were interrupted by Leo finally getting the fire started and sitting next to you on the ground. You lean your head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around you. The days were progressively getting colder and you two needed to keep warm so cuddling turned into a habit.

“Hey, Leo?” You ask timidly.

“Yeah, mi princesa?” He responds.

Leo had started using that name for you constantly. You secretly liked it, but every time he called you that you would simply say ‘stuff it, Valdez’. It was like a inside joke, and you loved it. You’ve never had a relationship like that with someone.

“I-I think I love you.” You say, deciding not to beat around the bush.

He immediately grabs your shoulders and spins you around to look at him. “(Y/N) please tell me this is one of your stupid ass jokes.”

You scoff, “My jokes are better than yours, asshole.”

“So this really isn’t a joke?” He whispers.

You smile softly, “Not a joke.”

“I love you too.” He says.

He starts to lean down but freezes when sirens start. A group of policemen run into the clearing and yell, “There they are! It’s the runaways!” Before you can even get up off of the ground they pull you and Leo by your arms, leading you to separate squad cars. Your eyes widen as you yell, “Leo!”

Leo struggles against the policeman, but to no avail. “(Y/N)! I’ll find you! Don’t worry, I’ll got to the ends of the earth to fi-” He’s cut off when he’s thrown into he back of a police car.

“Leo!” You yell again before your thrown into a police car yourself.

Years Later

You sit alone under a tree in Camp Half-Blood, mulling over your thoughts and memories as you stare off into space. You weren’t a fan of being left alone with your thoughts, but your best friend Percy was missing and Annabeth was out looking for him, leaving you by yourself. Your thoughts immediately wander back to Leo, making tears well up in your eyes. Leo still hasn’t found you and you haven't found him, and it was eating you up from the inside out. To this day you haven't had a bond with anyone like you had one with Leo. Sure, you helped save the world with Percy and Annabeth but it wasn't the same.

After you were pulled apart from Leo, you where sent back to your (mortal parent) and the mental abuse only got worse. It wasn’t until a satyr told you that you were a demigod and took you to Camp Half-Blood that you were finally safe. But as the years went by you developed depression, missing Leo with everything you had. You only occasionally smiled at Percy being an idiot, but that was it. These past few months you've barely talked to anyone though. If missing Leo wasn’t enough, now Percy is missing and Annabeth is hysterical. You could barely keep on going.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of screaming. Your head snaps up as you see a chariot sailing through the sky. No, not sailing...falling. Your eyes widen as you realize it’s Annabeth’s chariot. You jump to your feet as you see it crash into the pond. You immediately sprint down to the crash site where others had already gathered.

Annabeth is standing there soaking wet and looking frustrated while 3 other figures climb out of the pond. You slow down as you watch each of them emerge from the water. First is a girl, with feathers braided into her hair. Next is a boy with blonde hair that honestly looks...really bland. Your heart stops as you see the next person climb out. It’s a Latino boy your age, wearing a grease smeared army jacket. He has wild unruly black curly hair, pointed ears and warm brown eyes. It’s Leo. Your Leo.

You audibly gasp, making heads turn to look at you. “Leo?!”

Leo scans the crowd, looking a little confused until his eyes land on you. His eyes widen, “(Y/N)?!”

Then you both simultaneously sprint towards each other, knocking over anyone in your way. Leo slows down as he draws closer but you speed up, slamming into him and knocking him over on to the grass. You start sobbing as you look into Leo’s eyes, which tears are welling up in too.

“I can’t believe it’s you...” Leo whispers.

“I can’t believe it’s you either...Leo, I’ve missed you so much!” You say. Seeing Leo made it feel like a giant burden was lifted of off your shoulders. Seeing him made you feel complete.

“I looked for you,” He says. “I ran away again and tried to find you but I couldn’t. (Y/N), I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. We’re together again that’s all that matters.” You say, smiling softly.

He stares at you lovingly, his eyes drifting down to your lips. Then he kisses you. The feeling was something you’ve never experienced but it felt so right. You kiss back eagerly, running your hands through his curly hair. A series of Awwws sound throughout the camp. You pull back and smile. Leo is blushing like mad but smiles back.

“Wait, this is the Leo?” Annabeth asks.

You had told Annabeth all about Leo, but now you were regretting it. A bright red blush creeps up onto your face.

“He’s kinda scrawny.” She comments.

You and Leo look at each other. A smirk appears on your face. “She’s gotta point there Valdez.”

A mischievous grin appears on his face. “At least I don’t tell stupid ass jokes, mi princesa.”

#leo valdez x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #heroes of olympus #rick riordan #leo valdez #leo valdez x #fanfiction #pjo #fandom

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matsuokaparadise · 4 years

Text

Insatiable (Rin x reader)

Genre: Angsty fluff turned NSFW, 70% of this is very romantic and passionate smut

Summary: Very steamy times with Rin after he finds you crying alone on the couch because you missed him.

I went all out with this, I hope you have the patience to go through it and excuse the awkward style at the beginning (that part was literally written in 2018).

Rin had been away for about one month now and it was a little much for you to handle. You were used to him leaving from time to time, but it was the first time he’d left for more than two weeks and the effect it had on you was rather clear. You didn’t want to pester him with countless messages, but you wanted to talk to him so badly that it was nearly impossible to limit yourself to just a few every day. He was so busy training that you couldn’t even video call. This made you hopelessly lonely and you couldn’t help but look like a little lost puppy all day.

You’d been moping around for quite a while and your apartment looked like an absolute mess.

I’ve barely even left my bed...Why does it look as though I’ve been robbed? you asked yourself, confused, as you proceeded to throw away the garbage and clear the mugs and plates that were scattered around. Afterwards, you went to pick up the clothes that had been carelessly thrown everywhere and put them back in their place. Huh, what’s this doing here... you thought as you picked up a black t-shirt. Smells so nice... For God’s sake, come back already will you! you said as you threw it to the side, only to pick it up again and squeeze it to your chest. Stupid...

2:00 AM. You’d been tossing and turning for hours now- you just couldn’t get Rin out of your head. You knew you couldn’t message him now, not after you kept up so well. He must be training now...Must be working so hard... You could just see him: the way his muscles flex as he swims, the way he takes off his cap and smirks at you, hair dripping wet. You were missing him too much. You got up and grabbed his t-shirt, then went to lie back down on the sofa. The smell of his cologne along with the usual hint of chlorine aroused so many feelings to the point that you were simply overwhelmed. At that point there was nothing more that you could do besides cry, hugging the t-shirt as tightly as you could, hoping that maybe you could feel at least a little bit closer to him. Your tears stopped only when you fell asleep.

“Y/n?” a soft voice whispered gently. You were somewhere between sleeping and awake- it all felt like a strange hallucination.

“Y/n, are you awake?” this time the whisper felt closer to you. You tried opening your eyes but you were barely able to, the light was too strong and your eyes felt too sore. You could barely make out a figure at the other end of the sofa. After blinking a few times, you started to recognise more and more of his features: the maroon hair, the muscular body... Rin. You stood up suddenly and looked at him for a few seconds as if to make sure that you’re not still dreaming. Then, without hesitation, you threw yourself on him, hugging him as though you were afraid he’d escape you. You couldn’t even speak, you couldn’t even look at him. You closed your eyes and squeezed him as tightly as you could.

“I didn’t know you’d miss me that much, babe” he chuckled lightly as he stroked your hair. “Hey, look at me” he whispered.

You hesitated a little because you had gotten teary eyed again, but when you eventually did, Rin’s expression turned into one of worry.

“Y/n... Your eyes are so swollen... Why are you crying?” he asked softly, his expression visibly growing more and more concerned. He then glanced at the spot where you had been sleeping and his eyes widened in surprise.

“Isn’t that my t-shirt? Babe, don’t tell me... You’ve been crying all night... because you missed me?” He looked at you so dearly, so lovingly that you felt like your heart would burst. His expression, however, still showed signs of concern. Seeing him worry for you so much and look at you as though you had stars in your eyes were too much for you to handle. You couldn’t even answer his question and burst into tears again, looking down as not to let Rin see you cry. His hands reached for your face, cupping it gently as if it were about to break.

“I’m so sorry, y/n... I’m so sorry for hurting you like this. Thank you so much for being so good to me, you’re so, so good to me all the time but I can never seem to pay you back...” he said and wrapped his arms around you, tightening his hold and then loosening it again quickly for fear that he might hurt you. You could feel his heart beating and his chest rising and lowering again. He held you like this for a while, both of you sitting in silence, until you noticed that his breaths had become irregular. You opened your eyes and turned them to him. He was crying too.

“Rin... It’s okay. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You always make sure to spend as much time with me as you can and you make each moment unforgettable, you do so much for me even though you’re exhausted from training so hard and I don’t have words to express how grateful I am to you. You’re better a boyfriend than I could have ever fantasied. I just... I really can’t seem to get enough of you... I try so hard to hold myself back since I know that if I'd start telling you how much I miss you you'd feel bad and I don't want to do that! I don't want to get in your way, I don't want to be needy- I want to help you achieve your dream, Rin! Although it hurts like hell...I'll endure it all for you... so please forget what happened today."

He'd been staring at you speechlessly as you were speaking. When you were finished, you looked down again and clenched your fists, but he took your face into his hands, this time a little more roughly, and lifted it. He took a good look at you and then kissed you. His kiss was both gentle and rough, both sweet and sexy- it was like like he couldn't decide whether he wanted to kiss you lovingly or whether he needed you right there and then. However, you had already decided that you couldn't wait any longer, so, without hesitation, you slid your tongue into his mouth and kissed him passionately. He was a bit taken aback but he responded equally as excitedly, biting your lower lip softly. You made out like this for quite some time- you wanted to make up for what you'd missed-and after a while you'd unconsciously started to grind your hips over him. He responded eagerly, smirking and placing his hands over your butt, squeezing it lightly. You then decided you'd had enough and went on to push him onto the sofa, your hands making their way underneath his shirt. That was Rin’s cue to take it off, which he understood instantly and he wasted no time acting upon it. Then, in an almost rough movement, he rose his upper body, and gripped your legs tightly as he lifted you from the sofa, his lips not leaving yours for an instant. No words were said- more like, there wasn’t a need for words at this point where you knew you wanted each other so badly, so much so that only actions could have conveyed the feeling properly.

Before you knew it, you were underneath him, your hands roaming desperately from his back to his hair as his teeth were pressing into the skin of your neck. His movements, as sensual and passionate as they were, were traced with the roughness that comes with the desperation to feel one’s beloved. Feeling the warmth of his breath close to your ear, and hearing its fluctuations as his lips caressed you more and more lustfully with each kiss almost brought tears to your eyes. You were more than elated- this was pure bliss, and you were only just getting started. His mouth made his way down to your breasts quickly, with his tongue drawing a single line from your jaw. You could see all too clearly how he was gazing at you, that tantalising look and the smirk on his face as you were already quivering under him only made you more sensitive to his touch. The moment his skilled fingers tugged at your nipple, while the other one was being tended to by his soft, wet mouth, you let out an unrestrained moan which only momentarily took Rin by surprise. He smirked in satisfaction and teased your breast with his teeth, in just the way he knew for certain would drive you crazy.

His action, however, didn’t trigger the expected reaction. Indeed, you were on edge, so much so that you couldn’t bear this any longer. The hand that you had been running through his hair now pulled it gently-your signal that he should just get up already. His look was one of slight confusion, but it was quickly replaced by one of pure desire when you grabbed his shoulders and pressed your mouth against his almost violently. You pushed him on his back and straddled his hips, naturally grinding on him as you covered his neck in bites and kisses. His hands made their way, once again, to your butt, this time squeezing it in such a way that you could swear you’d be bruised. The feeling of him getting hard under you was unbearably arousing. Your hands travelled up and down his sculpted body, which was a godly view in itself, but now that it was being caressed by the rays of the morning sun, you doubted whether he really wasn’t a god. Your lips met his again, one of your hands cupping his cheek, the other slipping lower and lower from his neck down to his lower abdomen. You took your time feeling the work of art that was his body before, finally, brushing against his crotch. You left him no time to react and abruptly broke the kiss, only to move closer to where your hand was. You wasted no time and pulled his sweatpants lower, and went on to caress his hardness adoringly, your hand still separated by the thin fabric of his boxers. The eye contact was electric. As he had raised his upper body and was leaning on his elbows, you were looking up at him, and the fact that he was gazing at you from a superior position made him appear even more godlike. You loved it when you felt that he was in control and dominated you.

The moment you removed his boxers and stroked him, his eyes lit up and one of his hands sweetly caressed your face. You didn’t break eye contact as you started licking-you didn’t want to miss a single one of his reactions. You had missed him so much that you rid yourself of any embarrassment, as your only thought was to feel him properly. When you finally took him in your mouth his self-satisfied expression broke when he closed his eyes and parted his lips in a sharp inhale. His answer spurred you on greatly to take him deeper than you usually would. Although it was only slightly, your action did not go unnoticed by Rin, who shot you such an intensely lustful, but endearing look that you thought your heart could stop at any given moment. You grew more eager by the second and that was made clear by your increasingly fast movements. Rin’s breath grew in intensity and his lewd expression literally made you want to suck him dry. You plan was cut short, however, by your lover’s rugged, slightly hoarse voice, as he broke the silence.

Fuck, baby, you’re so good to me, his breathy voice made you tremble. He then cupped your face with one hand, in the most gentle way he had touched you that night. You raised your head, slightly confused at the discrepancy between his words and his actions. His arms pulled you up, so that you hovered over him for a moment before he pushed you into the bed again. He placed a painfully long and erotic kiss right under your earlobe and jaw. Then, you felt his breath move to your ear.

Don’t think I didn’t miss you too, his voice was low and fuelled your desire even more. He then licked the conch of your ear painfully slowly.

I want nothing more than to pleasure my precious princess right now

The peck he planted tenderly on you cheek contrasted starkly his erotic purr against your ear. He overtook all of your senses with a deep kiss on your lips, your tongues frantically dancing together. The hand he had cupped your cheek was now tracing the side of your body, all the way to your thigh where it stopped and pressed its fingers strongly into your flesh. You parted your legs instinctively and pressed his hand into the mattress. He smirked at your eagerness and tugged lightly at your bottom lip with his teeth. His hand then slithered from underneath your thigh to your hipbone, stopped for a moment and then made his way to your inner thigh. The anticipation you had built up was unbearable-you wanted nothing more in that very moment than to feel him inside of you. You squeezed his hand with your thighs, a reaction that made him smile again.

Y/n, believe me, I want you so much... But I want to make you feel better than I ever have. I want to start making up for making you cry, now.

His words, albeit sweet and gentle, did not lose any of their salaciousness. He had listened to your unspoken plea and moved his hand to your lower abdomen, pulling your shorts all the way to your knees. He slowly started rubbing your wetness through your underwear, which elicited a moan from you against his mouth as you strengthened your grip on his hair. A trail of kisses caressed you from your lips to your ear.

Baby, how am I supposed to control myself when you’re like this? You’re really giving me such a hard time... he whispered tantalisingly as he nibbled on your ear.

Then, he suddenly tugged at your panties so strongly that they almost tore and brought his face close to your lower abdomen. He placed sloppy kisses on your skin as he was rubbing your clit skilfully. Before moving any lower, he bit your inner thigh knowingly, eager for your reaction. You drew a sharp breath and flinched in pleasure. You were too happy and immersed in him that your mind was completely blank, your hedonistic side having completely conquered you.

The moment you felt his warm, wet tongue on your clit, you bit desperately at your bottom lip and arched your upper body. He wasted no time and started moving his tongue in expertly fashion, his fingers entering you soon after. You covered your face with your arm, the pleasure too much for you to handle. This didn’t go down well with Rin, who impatiently removed your arm from your face with his free one.

You’re really so mean to me, y/n. I’ve missed that cute face of yours so much, but you still won’t let me see it? he purred against your thigh, placing languid kisses on it between words.

I just...want you so much, I don’t know what to do with myself, Rin... these were the first words you’d spoken in a while, so your voice came out even more strained. His face immediately took on a serious expression and he lifted himself up quickly, positioning his forehead against yours.

You’re really testing my limits, baby.. You’re so hot that you make me want to fuck you senseless.

His eyes were so earnest and dripping with desire that you knew he meant every word he said. He was at his very limit. Knowing that he wanted you as much as you wanted him made your heart burst with happiness and your body tingle with anticipation. The only response that you could muster up was a forceful kiss on his lips and a bite of his lower one, so strong that is made him hiss in pleasure. Your hands were once again travelling on his godly body, feeling every dent of his muscles, reassuring you that this was, in fact, real. You took him in your hand as you were making out, stroking him and pressed his tip to your clit, your sign that you were more than ready to feel him in you. He then broke the kiss and went on to tease you further, by pressing his tip slightly in you, to the point when you ended up pushing your hips in. Upon feeling himself half way in you, he took a sharp breath and paused for a moment before pushing himself completely in you. Both of you closed your eyes in unison, taking your time to feel each other. This familiar feeling was even better than your imagination had been providing you with for the past while.

Rin... Please, don’t hold back. Go all out if you want to, I just want you, in whatever way you’re going to give yourself to me, you breathed, desperately clenching around him.

Look at you... My princess is always so kind to me... I have to take such good care of you, don’t I? he caressed your cheek lovingly.

The moment he started moving properly, you felt yourself lose control completely. If you thought that up to then you had been overwhelmed by him, now your feelings were over the edge. You found yourself moaning more than usual, screaming his name almost immediately. However, you weren’t the only one who had been more sensitive than usual. He, too, was clearly on the brink of pleasure, restraining himself so much, just so that he could please you as much as possible.

Don’t hold back, baby, okay? you tried your best to smile between breaths, feeling your climax dangerously close.

He could barely even give you a coherent answer, the bliss all too evident through his breath and expression. His thrusts increased in speed and intensity, and you felt as if you were touching heaven itself. You grabbed his neck and brought him close to you, desperate to feel his breath on your skin. The irregular breaths in your ear were only adding to your already intense pleasure and you fel your entire body convulse against his, unrestricted moans leaving your mouth right next to his ear.

Fuck, baby, you’re too hot, I can’t even handle it, he said, his voice almost a grunt, as he thrust into you even more quickly. In no time, he was moaning against your ear, drawing you close to his chest as he, too, reached his climax. The two of you remained in this embrace a while after, trying to gather your thoughts and bring yourselves back to reality.

Finally, he threw himself on the bed beside you and chuckled.

You really caught me off guard, you know. I was going to be all cute to you today, but it seems like you had other plans with me, he smiled at you innocently and planted a kiss on your forehead.

I’m sorry for having made you cry, y/n, he said softly.

You don’t have to apologise for anything, Rin. I already told you, you’re literally the perfect man, you turned to him and hugged him, hiding your face in his chest. His smell was amazing and it made you feel all fuzzy inside.

I’m the luckiest man of all, aren’t I? he kissed your forehead again. Go take a shower before me, I have a present for you.

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bi-writes · 4 years

Photo

notorious: reboot — chapter nine mercy

I’m not sorry I did it; I’m just sorry it had to be you.

type: series, alternate universe detail: mob!tom word count: 12.2k warnings: mature language and themes, including violence and character death series masterlist music playlist by mood, curated just for notorious

Fear was supposed to be relative, but it was more than that to you. Fear was motivation. Every time you were afraid, your instincts took over, and it was the reason you were still alive. Survival was the only strategy here, and it had you by the throat every single day. For a long while, it was the only emotion you knew. Your father was always keeping you on edge, and you were always sleeping with one eye open and a hand on the gun under your pillow. You had never known safety. Not even when your mother had been around.

If it wasn’t your father you were afraid of, then it was everyone else. There was a reason you never opened yourself up to anyone in your world. While you fell for Mariposa, in a rhythm of selfless love that you were eternally grateful for, you were quick to leave her when things were starting to fall apart. You had only loved her distantly, not enough for you to completely absorb the gravity of your relationship, and it’s why it was so easy for you to leave and so easy for you to forget her. It was wrong, of course it was, and you vowed to make up for it every single day, but to you, it was the only way to survive. If there was no one you loved, you had nothing to lose. You could throw yourself headfirst into foreign territory, and the only weapon others could hold in front of you were the ones you knew how to handle.

Giovanni, Viktor, the men you had encountered in your life, they never realized how dangerous you truly were. There was nothing more perilous than a woman that had nothing to lose. It made the killing easy and the conquering even easier.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, blinking as your eyes ran over your figure. You were glowing, your skin still glistening from the warm sheets you had rolled out of. There were bruises littered all over your body, dark marks in clusters around your hips. Your neck had been nipped and kissed at until you had fallen asleep, and you felt hot all over remembering how you got them. You fastened your belt around your jeans, and then you tugged on the dark tank top. You fastened the thigh holster over the fabric of your jeans, slipping your gun into it, and then you sat down on the bed as you laced up your heeled boots.

Tom came out of the bathroom, in sweats and nothing else, and to him, it looked as if you were getting dressed for battle. He picked up your leather jacket from the bed, and when you stood up, he held it up for you so you could slip your arms into it. You turned around to face him, and you both stood in silence looking at each other.

You waited a few moments before you hugged him tightly, and Tom wrapped his arms around you protectively, putting his head into the crook of your neck as he hugged you back.

“I’m scared,” you whispered finally.

I am terrified.

Tom closed his eyes, one hand going into your hair to soothe you, “there’s nothing to be afraid of. We’ve talked about this.”

“He’s lying to me, Tom. Whatever plan we had…he’s lying to me, Tom. I can feel it,” you said weakly, pulling away to look up into his eyes. You needed him to see how serious you were. “He doesn’t want me to win, Tom. He’s using me…I know he is.”

Tom smiled a bit, rubbing a thumb across your chin. It was subtle, but his touch was the only thing keeping you grounded.

“I’m not worried, y/n,” he said finally, looking at you carefully. “I’ve got you. And you’ve got me. What the fuck is there to worry about?”

“The plan going to absolute shit,” you argued, putting your hands over his. “My father lying to me yet again, and…and then us losing.”

Tom shook his head, “we’re not going to lose, y/n. Your father is good at many things, and underestimating you is one of them. If he lied to you, then he’s only fucked himself over again. You and me? We’re the most dangerous when it doesn’t go as planned. Because then it’s just up to us, and we’ve survived this long. I’ve seen what you can do, y/n. I’m not worried.”

You leaned up a bit to kiss him, winding your fingers through his damp curls, and he made a point to suck on your bottom lip lovingly, and you exchanged a few gentle laughs as you held onto each other. You leaned your forehead against his, sighing deeply, taking in the way he smelled and how sweet he tasted. Tom could say whatever he liked, but your heart was pounding, and the uncertainty of what your father would do had you by the throat. If he had it inside of him to kill your mother, then he had it inside of him to kill you. Your father didn’t know what love was. He was incapable of it. All he knew was how to win, how to step on top of others to get to where he needed to be, and for a while, you thought that that was the only way to get what you wanted.

Tom had taught you differently. You couldn’t always step on others, sometimes you had to get down in the dirt and show that you were worthy of it. You wouldn’t get anyone’s respect by just shedding blood. There were men in this world that didn’t respond to that, and Tom was one of them. You had shown him what you were worth, and he fell for that, and so had you. Taking what you wanted was risky, but earning what you deserved was always enough. You had earned your place here. You had to be different than your father. Your father was a ticking time bomb, and he was going to get himself killed and you with him if you weren’t careful. You were so blinded by his treasures that you had no idea how precarious his position was. Your father was one wrong move from his own downfall, and when it happened, you couldn’t be there to fall with him.

You had to be better.

In Los Angeles, your father and his men were animals. Tearing apart anything that threatened their territory, blind rage that controlled their entire beings, with no disregard to what they left behind in their wake. You had been buried underneath it all, forced to watch and never allowed to make change. Your father had made sure you were always on a leash, and he made you believe that it was meant to be there. He made you believe that you had to have his permission to take the chains off, to be more than just his little girl, to be you.

You weren’t an animal. Your father’s hold on you wasn’t real.

“Your father is going to tell you a lot of things tonight. All of them will be lies.”

Despite your mother becoming a scared, manipulative liar, she always told the truth when it came to your father. She hated him as much as you did, and on that, you could count on her.

Tom nudged you out of your thoughts. You had made your way downstairs, and you were waiting for a car. Tom opened the door for you, and you got into the back. Tom shut the door behind you, and you rolled down the window, looking up at him.

“Hey,” Tom put a hand on your cheek, shaking his head. “After tonight…I’ll take you away from here for a while. We’ll get the fuck out of this city, just for a little while. I promise.”

You put your hand over his, nodding in agreement, not daring to say anything or your voice might have broken. There was love in his eyes, and you never wanted to look away.

“y/n, I’m going to take care of you,” he voiced, leaning his forehead against yours. “Just breathe.”

You did. You let Tom hold you close for a moment longer, and you finally let out a long breath. It came out shaky and weak, but Tom held you still, rubbing his thumb across the apple of your cheek gently.

“I’ll see you tonight, love,” he murmured, and you nodded, sitting up a bit to kiss him one last time, and Tom could tell you didn’t want to pull away. You were nipping at his bottom lip, holding him close, keeping the kiss soft as you held onto him for as long as you could. He pulled away slowly, just to breathe, and he wiped away a stray tear that had fallen halfway down your cheek. He planted a soft kiss onto your forehead before letting go, and you rolled up the window and tapped on the drivers’ seat. You needed him to drive or else you were just going to stay with Tom, trying to avoid whatever was going to happen tonight.

I’d hold onto him and make him run away with me. And I would never look back.

You didn’t even realize the car had stopped until someone tapped on the window, drawing your gaze from your boots back upwards. De Luca was there, and you unlocked the car door, and he opened it for you, offering you a hand to help you onto the sidewalk.

You looked up at the warehouse in front of you, a building you had become familiar with the past few months in New York. Your father ran his operations out of Queens, in a warehouse tucked between residential office buildings, and since you had landed here six months ago, you had frequented the place to talk to De Luca and familiarize yourself with how business was on the East Coast.

And to learn, because he won’t teach me himself.

You had developed a rapport with your father’s men here. You visited Mariposa’s father many times in his office here, talked into the early hours of the night with De Luca, and met up with your father’s men to help them do their own jobs in the city. You were a welcome face here. Your father’s men had become your men, and they followed you as loyally as they had him.

Maybe even more so.

You knew their names. You didn’t snap your fingers at them or yell at them. You liked to sit at their desks with them and share a drink, listen to what they had to say, and you made changes to certain operations based on their feedback. You sat with your father’s accountants and even tried to pick up a few new tricks from them. You had high expectations for them, and his men had grown to adore you so much that they fought to exceed those expectations. They had been starved for a long time of authority, and they welcomed yours. They appreciated the way you heard them, the manner in which you helped them, and that you were always there when they needed you. You were present and not just commanding, and for a long time they had been waiting for someone to come along to prove to them that all of this work was worth it.

You were worth it.

The revenue you were bringing in was enough proof that you were what they had been waiting for all along. There had been many nights where you sat on the warehouse floor with many of your father’s men, laughing and helping them count money, helping them put files together, finalizing plans and giving approval when they felt they needed it. You tried not to just be a face they never saw but were forced to obey. You wanted to be seen and known, and you wanted them to know that they mattered. Tom’s philosophy of men as family had struck you as something important, and treating your father’s men as family worked. They wanted to listen to you, they wanted to do right by you, and if they didn’t have the answers, they tried hard to answer those questions they were unsure of.

You have to be better.

De Luca opened the door for you, and you entered with a nod of your head at him. Your boots sounded against the linoleum floors, and all of your men were acquainted with it, looking up as you passed them, waving, smiling, greeting you warmly.

“Good morning, Miss y/n.”

“Hello, boss.”

“Good to see you, Miss y/n, how are you?”

“Good morning.”

You nodded at them, giving them tight smiles as you walked past their desks, crossing your arms over your chest. You glanced at the papers, watched as money orders flew past you in crates. It was almost the afternoon, but the warehouse was always busy with work. De Luca grabbed your attention, a hand on your arm, and you followed him into his office. He shut the door behind you, and you sat down at his desk, despite it being his, and he allowed you to. You folded your hands in front of you, taking a deep breath.

“Has he come yet?” You asked him, and De Luca leaned back in his chair.

“He came last night,” he answered, nodding, and you pursed your lips.

“What…what did the boys think?” You wondered. “Did they like him?”

“Well…you know personnel here is fairly new. The few that had met your father before weren’t very friendly, and your father had a few things to say about…the way things are done here,” he said simply, and you rolled your eyes.

“Right, cause everything I touch is tainted to him,” you sighed. “Was Muñoz here to say hello?”

De Luca nodded slowly, “yeah. But you know how that is. Ever since your mother’s been gone, he hasn’t been keen on meeting with your father.”

You looked down for a moment, tapping your fingers nervously on the desk in front of you.

“He came with some demands, didn’t he?” You inquired, and De Luca reached over to pull a paper out from a folder on his desk. He showed it to you, and you looked down at it. They were potential locations for Holland operations, most of which were wrong, you could tell just by looking at it.

“Your father doesn’t wait. He’s already having us look for where they store their supply,” he told you. “He wants locations secured immediately so he can put our guys in there tonight. After…the wedding and all.”

You met De Luca’s eyes for a moment. You wondered what he thought about all of this. You wondered if he was on your father’s side, the idea of getting rid of Tom Holland and acquiring everything his name entitled him to. You looked at the rest of the papers on the desk.

“He’s going to London?” You raised a brow, looking at an itinerary that was printed out. “Is he serious?”

“As soon as he has his acquisitions, Miss y/n, he plans on making it known,” De Luca explained, and you swallowed the anger inside of you. Your father wouldn’t even wait to let Tom’s body get cold. He wanted to take Holland territory, and he wanted it in a matter of days.

“Maybe I can help,” you took a pen off the desk and started crossing out the locations on the list that you were certain Tom was located in. For the time being, you didn’t want your father getting the upper hand. The rest were addresses you didn’t recognize, and you gave the list back to De Luca. “Give this new list out.”

“But your—”

“I know what my father wants,” you smiled bitterly at him. “Either you can give this to the boys, or I will. If I have something to say, you know they’ll want to know it. I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation, De Luca.”

He swallowed a bit, nodding his head, “yes, Miss y/n. I apologize.”

De Luca got up from his seat and left his office to go distribute the list. You rifled through the papers on the desk, just glancing at the contents, but it was enough to know that your father was looking to completely absorb Tom and all he had in the next 24 hours. He wasn’t waiting for you, he wasn’t waiting for Tom, he was just going to take what he wanted. You shoved the papers away from you angrily, putting your head into your hands, your heart pounding into your chest. One mistake, and everything would be swept out right from underneath you, and Tom would be dead. You tried to remember how calm Tom had been in the morning, but it only made you panic inside even more.

It’s all gone to shit. Maybe daddy’s right. When push comes to shove, what am I capable of accomplishing? What am I doing?

“Hey, Miss y/n, is everything okay?” A knock followed the gentle question. You looked up from your hands, smiling just a bit and nodding.

“Yes, Jacob, I’m okay,” you stood up. “How…how did things go last night? Did you get the shipment to Brooklyn alright?”

“Yes, Miss y/n, everything went just fine. We would’ve called if it hadn’t,” he tried to smile back at you, and you walked to meet him, following alongside him as he made his way back to his desk.

“Right,” you nodded your head. “Of course. Uh…do you boys have anything else planned for today?”

“No, Miss y/n. Just to attend the meeting tonight,” he told you. You narrowed your eyes.

“What meeting?”

“The…” He frowned a bit, cowering under your eyes. “Yours. He…said last night that his…little girl was getting hitched. I thought that must mean you, right?”

You gave him another smile, but it was only to cover up the worry building up inside of you. You had no idea why your father needed your men to attend your meeting, but there was an impending alarm going off in your head at the thought. There was no need for your men there, but your father clearly had different plans.

“Your father is going to tell you a lot of things tonight.”

“Yes, Jacob. That’s me.”

“All of them will be lies.”

You decided not to ask him anymore questions. Word could have gotten around that you were asking about the meeting, and it would tip your father off. You needed everything to go as he thought it would.

You stayed in the office with De Luca for a few hours, going over usual business with him. You were keeping track of the money orders that had to be cashed through your subsidiaries, and De Luca was telling you about some shipments you were expecting the next week. You watched the clock move as you worked, and as it counted into the afternoon, you felt yourself growing more and more anxious. You had trouble concentrating on work you normally enjoyed doing. The numbers in your head had stopped making sense, and you grew farther and farther away from focus.

“y/n,” De Luca said finally, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Huh?” You looked over at him. “W-What?”

“What’s the matter with you? You’ve been working on that spreadsheet for too long.”

“Sorry,” you looked down. “I’m just…thinking.”

“Something’s wrong,” De Luca observed. “You’ve been like this all day, y/n. What’s bothering you?”

You looked into his eyes, fiddling with your fingers. You put the pen down that you were holding, leaning over the desk. “What…what do you think of Mariposa? Of me?” You asked. “Be honest. I won’t…I won’t be upset.”

De Luca leaned back in his chair, staring at you for a moment. He was thinking about whether or not to answer before he crossed his arms over his chest, shrugging, “I think…you’re my girls. What can I say?” He sighed. “I’ve known you since you were a little girl, y/n. Mariposa, too. It would kill me if anything happened to you, you know that.”

“I know how you feel about us,” you said, pursing your lips. “I’m asking what you think of us.”

“I think…” De Luca moved his head from side to side, “that before you came back, things weren’t getting done around here. These boys…we were just picking them off the street, and they were lost. They responded to orders poorly, and it was difficult to control things here when there was no one here with some sort of real authority. I think they felt like they were working for ghosts, and then…you came along. My boys adore you, y/n. It’s not a secret. They like when you’re here, they feel…supported when you go with them on jobs, and…they want to impress you. Things are better here. Honestly, y/n, I wish you could stay after tonight.”

Oh, De Luca…why do you lie to me?

You tilted your head to the side, “why wouldn’t I stay?”

De Luca’s eyes snapped up to yours, and he paled a bit, shifting in his seat, “no, of course…yeah, of course you’re staying.”

You scoffed a bit, shaking your head. Your father was so predictable. Giovanni here, his men prepared to come to your meeting, and he was already planning on sending you back home. Your father was going to put that leash back on you tonight. You had done your job, like a good girl, but he was never going to accept you into his arms. He was never going to give you a chance to be anything more than a little girl.

He’ll never let me go. No matter how many times he kisses me, coddles me, assures me differently. He’ll never leave me be.

You stood up from your seat, leaving the office as you pulled your phone out of your back pocket. You waited for it to ring, and it didn’t take long for Mariposa to answer.

“y/n,” she greeted you, and you looked around you to make sure no one was listening before you talked.

He’ll tie weights to my ankles and throw me in the fucking deep end. He’ll watch me drown, and he’ll be smiling as I disappear into darkness.

“Hey, Ri. I need you to do something for me.”

You hadn’t always been this way. You weren’t always so cold inside, so dead inside, so unfeeling and unforgiving. You remembered when you were younger, the innocent presence you used to carry with you always. You used to be quiet, a little bubbly, always smiling, and your mother had been your best friend. You didn’t always see darkness in yourself, and you didn’t always hate what you saw in the mirror.

You had changed the moment you saw blood for the first time. Seeing the carpet of your father’s study rolled up into the corner, spilling crimson everywhere, threatening to stain your toes if you had stepped in it. There were always moments when you wished you had just been good. You wished you had stayed in your room, you wished you hadn’t been so curious, you wish you had just done as your father had asked you to. Maybe it wouldn’t be so fucking hard to look at yourself in the mirror, maybe you wouldn’t have to put a mask on every single day, maybe you wouldn’t have ever seen the way stars fill someone’s eyes right before they died.

So many stars, sparkling like a million lights. I’m taught not to stop until the lights go out, until the stars twinkle and wash away.

You saw Viktor sometimes when you closed your eyes. You remembered how sticky and warm his blood had felt seeping between your fingers. You remembered how sharp the glass was in your palm, how it cut your skin and dug into the back of his spine. You remembered how afraid you had been after it was over, how quickly the adrenaline had faded from your body so there was only an unnerving, malicious emptiness left behind. You remembered staring at yourself in the mirror afterwards. You looked so different now. You had never killed someone like that. It was easy to kill when you held up a gun and pointed it, shooting aimlessly. They were always so far away, just ants in the distance, and you would watch them drop, emotionless because you never saw their faces or knew their stories or spoke to them.

Maybe the stars are the memories they hold inside. Maybe they see good things right before they glimmer and fade away. Maybe they see serenity.

Viktor haunted you in your dreams. The spiders you once saw in your sleep had changed into blood, and you would wake up now, your head filled with the choking feeling of slow-moving, thick, sour blood coming out of your mouth and down your nose and from your ears and in tears that fell from your eyes. You would wake up tasting copper, smelling iron, and you would feel like you were stuck still in that bathroom, Viktor’s blood still wrapped around your legs and covering your arms and painted across your face.

Or maybe the stars are their sins. Maybe they see hell.

You could still see that woman in the mirror now. No matter how many times you washed your hair or scrubbed your face or scratched at your arms, you would see glimpses of that woman in the mirror, and she would terrify you. That woman was capable of horrific things. That woman had tasted blood, and she liked it. That woman had an appetite for power, and that woman would do whatever she wanted to get it. Blood had become her armor, and she had no idea what mercy felt like. She only knew pain and misery and anguish, and it had consumed her completely. You tried so hard to see someone else in the mirror, but it was no use. Like the blood in your dreams, she was covering you completely now, building up a new mask, a better mask, one that would be impenetrable, a mask only she could take off, but you knew she would never want to. That woman was you, and you didn’t have a clue how to escape her.

Maybe because you really don’t want to.

“You look beautiful,” a voice interrupted your thoughts. You looked behind yourself in the mirror to see your father standing there in the doorway, adjusting his watch on his wrist. He was wearing a dark suit, and you could see his infamous gun tucked into the waistband of his trousers. You sat up a bit taller on your vanity chair.

Maybe you need her.

“Daddy,” you breathed, and he came up behind you, staring at you in the mirror.

“You look different,” he murmured, putting a hand on your shoulder, and you nearly smacked him away from you. Instead, you plastered a smile on your face, and your eyes widened with surprise.

“I’ve learned so much, daddy,” you said softly, putting your hand over his. “You would be so proud. Did you hear about all our work at the office? Everything we’ve done?”

“I did,” he chuckled a bit, leaning down and kissing your head. You closed your eyes at that. “You’ve done so well, sweetheart. Your mother would be so delighted.”

“He doesn’t deserve you. And he never has. He never will.”

Your lips quivered at that thought, and it took everything inside of you not to shake. You held back the tears already forming, swallowing down the sob in your throat. You nodded finally, opening your eyes. There were faint tears in your eyes, and your father sighed when he noticed.

“y/n, you’ve given me everything back,” he turned you to face him, and you looked up at him. “New York…the Hollands…London. You…” He put his hands on your cheeks, his thumbs stroking over your skin. Every touch from him felt like he was tainting you, rotting you from the outside in, but you didn’t move. “We will be unrivaled after this, just…untouchable, y/n.”

Unbreakable.

You felt weak, sitting there under him, letting him touch your face and hold you and kiss you. There was nothing you could do but pretend, play along, and you felt like you needed to bathe as he ran his knuckles down the length of your face. He disgusted you to no end. He had the audacity to call himself your father, but he was nothing but a broken, empty, merciless sadist. You didn’t realize how much you truly hated him until this moment. You felt a burning desire to open the balcony doors and toss him thirty stories over, but instead, you smiled, cried, called him family, and you felt begrimed with yourself for letting him go even this far with you.

I can’t wait to see his face when he realizes there are no leashes on me any longer. I wonder what he will say when he realizes I’m not his. I wonder what he will do when I take back what’s mine.

You stood up from your seat, standing beside him in the mirror. You were wearing a white strapless dress, a corset hugging your figure until your hips, where the dress flowed out until your ankles. There was a tall slit on one side of the skirt, intentional so you could have easy access to your thigh holster and the gun you would put in it. You reached for the gun sitting on your vanity, but your father put a hand over it, putting it back down.

“You won’t need that, y/n,” he shook his head. “You’re with me now. I’ll protect you.”

You froze, your eyes darting from the gun back to his face. You let go of it finally, and he put it away into one of your drawers. You swallowed, watching him move around in your things.

“Do you think…he’ll try and hurt me?” You asked him, and your father stood up straight. He shrugged finally. There was no concern in his face.

“I would hope not,” he replied, putting a hand on your shoulder. “My men tell me Thomas is quite enamored with you. So…I think tonight will go smoothly, y/n. You did perfectly, baby. He cares for you…he’s been gaining power here…you could not have done better.” He smiled, something sinister in his eyes, brushing your hair back and away from your eyes. “You’re perfect, y/n. And if he tries anything…my men will take care of him. While I’d like him alive to sign away his properties, once you’re married, I’m sure we’ll be able to acquire everything ourselves. Just keep him calm until you’ve signed the papers, y/n. After that, I’ll take care of the rest. Yes?”

“Yes, daddy,” you said obediently, nodding your head. He leaned over and kissed your forehead, and then he let go of you.

“Come. The car is waiting for us downstairs.”

He adjusted his suit jacket as he left your bedroom, and you went to gather your purse, about to stuff your gun into it when your phone began buzzing. You glanced to make sure your father wasn’t near before picking up, seeing Harrison’s name blinking across it. You put the phone to your ear, swallowing.

“Harrison, what is it? This is not a good time,” you hissed lowly.

“y/n, where is Ri?”

His voice came out cracked, a bit shaky, and you frowned. It was then that you realize Mariposa had never checked in with you.

“I…I asked her to do something for me. It shouldn’t have taken long,” you said in a whisper, peeking around to make sure you were still alone.

“y/n, she’s been…she’s been gone for hours,” Harrison breathed. You closed your eyes, putting a hand to your forehead.

Mariposa, not now. God, not now.

“Shit,” you mumbled, swallowing hard. “Shit, Harrison…shit! Shit…tell Tom it’s gone to hell, Harrison.”

“What?!” Harrison shrieked from the other end. “What the fuck are you talking about?! y/n, we gotta…we gotta get Ri. Tell me where you’re meeting, I’m going to—”

“Harrison, don’t,” you warned him. “You’ll be outnumbered there, and we don’t have time to discuss how to get her out. You leave it to me.”

“y/n, fuck!” Harrison cried. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Harrison, relax,” you whispered. “She can take care of herself. She’s going to be fine.”

Do you truly believe that, or are you just trying to make yourself feel better?

“If she doesn’t come out of this, y/n, I’m going to kill you,” Harrison said hoarsely. “I’m going to kill you, y/n, I swear it.”

And I’ll let you.

“Harrison, I have to go—”

“She’s pregnant, y/n,” Harrison snapped. “S-She’s…she’s…”

All the air left your lungs. Your heart completely fell flat in your chest, and your body felt limp and frozen all at once, a coldness going through you that had you chilled to the core. Mariposa hadn’t even batted an eye to do as you asked.

And I’ve just sent her to her deathbed.

You heard your father coming near, and you hung up quickly, shutting your purse. Your father stood in the doorway, nodding his head, and you slipped your heels on before hurrying towards his outstretched arm. You took it, wrapping your arm around his, following him out of your apartment and downstairs, where he had called a car for you both. De Luca was driving, and you both got into the backseat. You felt around your skirt, almost letting out a scream when you realized you had forgotten your gun, sitting in your vanity drawer.

And I’ve sent myself to my own deathbed.

You gave your father a tight-lipped smile before looking out the window as the car started. You had to keep wiping your hands on your dress because of how sweaty they were becoming. You told yourself that you didn’t need a gun. You were capable all on your own, and you could take down someone double your size without nothing but your heels. A gun was only worth as much as the person behind it, and you were much more than metal and fast bullets. You were human, and you were much more dangerous than any gun you’d ever held.

I have to be. I have to be better.

You could feel your heart pounding, so hard that the blood was rushing in your ears. You were so on edge. You wondered how far Mariposa got before they caught her. You wondered, selfishly, if she finished what she was supposed to do before they got to her. You wondered, helplessly, if she admitted what she had done for you.

You shook your head a bit, putting a hand over your mouth. You had to trust that Mariposa had gotten it done, and that she would keep her mouth shut. Mariposa always, always did as you asked, and she always came through in the end. She would come through for you one last time, you had to trust that. You had to trust that she could take care of herself.

Because if anything happens to her, I will kill myself before Harrison has the chance to.

You were struggling not to shake. You had always prided yourself on being so well composed, even when you weren’t prepared for what was ahead, but nothing was going the way it was supposed to.

The car stopped finally, and neither you nor your father moved from your seat. You turned to look at him, and he met your own eyes.

“I’m scared, daddy,” you whispered finally, and you weren’t lying. “People are going to get hurt, and—”

He reached over and put a hand over yours on your lap, squeezing your hand gently. He shook his head.

“I’m here, y/n,” he said lowly. “Everything will be alright. You have to trust me. I can’t do this without you.”

You can’t do this without me. You can’t do anything without me. You couldn’t do it without your wife, and now you can’t do it without me.

You nodded finally, squeezing his hand back, and he let go of you to pull out the gun tucked into his trousers. It was your father prized possession, his favorite gun, the one with the chrome detailing and scratched metal and wooden accents. It was the gun he used to taunt you with at home, the gun that was always just out of reach, the gun you so desperately ached to inherit. That weapon was a symbol of your father’s power, the first gun he ever owned, and it had gotten him to this place, right here. You stared at it now, and you could not have despised its presence more.

You didn’t need your father’s trinkets to know you had power. You didn’t need to inherit anything from him to know that you were more worthy of his fortune than he ever taught you to believe.

You didn’t even need his name.

Seeing him check the chamber for bullets brought life back into you. You took a deep breath, and lights flashed in your head, images of everything you had done just to be sitting here, beside him, full of purpose. You closed your eyes as you let out that deep breath, straightening out your posture, letting that breath trickle from your toes all the way up your spine.

That woman you saw in the mirror? You needed her now more than ever. You couldn’t escape her, you couldn’t be free of her, you couldn’t even decipher who she really was or how she truly came to be, but if you couldn’t be rid of her, you needed to use her. You had gotten yourself to the finish line.

And she will get me past it.

De Luca opened the door for you, and you stepped out onto the sidewalk. You met his eyes for a moment, shutting the door behind you, and he stared at you right back.

This is wrong. You know it is.

Your father took you by the arm, tearing your eyes away from De Luca’s own. You swallowed as he guided you up the sidewalk, your eyes scanning over the familiar warehouse you had spent the whole day in. Whenever you were working in here, you felt like you belonged, you felt in charge, and you felt safe. You were anything but on edge now, the creaking of the front door making you flinch now. It was dead silent inside instead of the normally bustling warehouse, and all of your men were gone. The office upstairs was lit, but the shades were drawn, and your father guided you up the stairs to go inside.

He was sitting there, in a chair in front of the empty desk, a half-burnt cigarette hanging off his fingertips. Your father let you go, nodding at you, and you came up behind him, putting your hand on his shoulder. He stiffened for a moment until your fingers touched his cheek, and you leaned over and kissed the skin there.

I’ll always be yours, and you will always be mine.

De Luca picked up a leather chair from the corner, setting it down beside Tom for you. You took a seat in it, crossing one leg over the other, turning to glance at Tom. Your eyes met for a moment, and it took everything in you to refrain from taking his hand and squeezing it. He just nodded slightly, so slight you could barely see it, and you realized he was telling you that Harrison had told him what happened, that he was aware.

“Mr. Holland, I’m going to have to search your person. Just for…security reasons,” De Luca said lowly, and Tom handed you the cigarette before standing. From the inside of his jacket, De Luca found a pair of brass knuckles and a switchblade, and from his waistband he found a handgun, setting them down on the desk in front of your father, who nodded for De Luca to take them. The door shut behind him, and then it was just the three of you, staring at each other, no one daring to speak for a few achingly long moments.

A bookshelf lined the back wall of the office, piled high with peeling hardcover texts, papers messily sticking out of files, and rusted and dusty trinkets of all shapes and sizes. There was a single lamp in the corner of the office, beside the bar cart, and the yellowness of the bulb flickered every so often, drawing a strange light over the entire room. The shades were drawn for privacy, making the room even darker, and the mahogany desk your father sat behind was spread out with lone papers, empty liquor glasses, and ashtrays filled with ash and cigarettes. It was quiet, nothing but the slight creak of the hardwood floor. You thought this wouldn’t be the most suitable place to die.

I’ll get dust in my starry eyes.

“I’ve got to admit, Thomas, I never thought we’d be here,” your father chuckled, leaning forward and folding his hands together on the desk. Tom’s face was stoic and unreadable, completely blank as he let your father speak. “And I never thought it would be under these circumstances.”

Tom took the cigarette back from you, taking a long drag from it, letting out a breath through his nose. The cigarette glowed for a moment, casting an orange light over his face, and it only made him seem all the more intimidating.

“Your daughter and I have accomplished much together here,” Tom said simply. “I don’t see a reason to change that.”

“And neither does she,” your father sighed, shaking his head. “I’ve been trying for a long while to get her to marry someone to my liking, but I’m sure you’ve figured out by now how difficult she can really be.”

Tom shrugged, “I find she’s quite agreeable when you simply give her what she wants, isn’t that right, love?”

You didn’t say anything, just shifted in your seat.

“I have to disagree,” your father countered. “It seems the more I give into what she wants, the more she demands. Her desires are insatiable, aren’t they, sweetheart?”

You met his eyes, and it was all you needed to know that he was looking right through you. He smiled finally, and you felt helpless as he leaned back in the leather chair.

He knows. He’s known all this time.

“When did you realize that, daddy?” You asked, just above a whisper, and he shrugged, reaching for his own pack of cigarettes in his blazer pocket. He lit it with a match, tossing the burnt stick onto the desk, and you watched as small tendrils of black smoke rose from the now black bud of the match. The same orange glow came over his face, but it did nothing to make your father any more menacing.

He isn’t. He’s a small man in clothes that don’t fit. Don’t let him make you feel less than what you are.

“When Viktor came about,” he replied simply. “How did that feel, Thomas? My daughter, killing that Russian leech for you? Convenient, wasn’t it, that he wanted a piece of my daughter…little did he know how skilled she was, how…how well she fared under pressure, how…instinctive murder could be for someone so sweet and innocent. He was quite a problem for you, wasn’t he, Thomas?”

Tom narrowed his eyes a bit, sucking hard on his cigarette, his nose scrunching up for a moment, but he stayed silent.

“But you, y/n…you killed him without a second thought, didn’t you?”

“He was trying to kill me, daddy,” you said stiffly. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“No,” your father chuckled. “We always have choices, my darling. You just chose something different.” You blinked, confused. Tom smirked finally, shaking his head as he scoffed. You turned to look at him.

“It was you,” Tom said lowly. “With the Russians, aye?”

You frowned, your head turning to look at your father, whose smile was still plastered eerily on his face.

“Daddy, that’s not true,” you laughed a bit, nervously. “Tell me that’s not true.”

He was silent for a few moments, still grinning, “you know, y/n…you are smart, but you are terribly blind,” he sighed. “I thought I taught you better than that.”

“Did you know Viktor was going to kill me?” You breathed, your whole body on edge as your father let out a cloud of smoke from between his lips. “D-Did you know what he was doing? What he was planning on doing?”

“Of course I did, y/n,” he said easily. “I paid the bastard.”

Your lips parted, and you scoffed, moving to stand, but Tom put a hand on your arm, forcing you back into your seat. You had angry tears in your eyes, and you were glaring at your father, and he was glaring right back.

A small man in clothes that don’t fit.

“I think I can forgive the shit you pulled with the Russians if we can come to a fair agreement,” Tom muttered finally. “We came here to get married. Not discuss family issues. This is between me and you, Mr. y/l/n.”

“You’re right, Thomas,” your father grinned again, nodding his head. “Here’s what I want. I’d like to secure the routes along the Hudson and Staten Island. And—” He paused to suck a long drag from his cigarette, “I want your Brighton contacts.”

Tom chuckled a bit, “no,” and then he shook his head.

“And,” your father continued, producing a paper from the file on his desk. It was the marriage certificate, courtesy from New York city hall. “I want London.”

Your father produced two black ink ballpoint pens, setting them down on the desk for you to sign the paper. You reached instinctively for the gun on your thigh, but you felt nothing. There was nothing there. You had nothing but yourself.

And that has to be enough.

Tom scoffed, “that’s not a deal,” he said simply.

“And,” your father laughed a bit, “Manhattan. I want it all, Tom. And you’re going to give it to me.”

Take me apart, piece by piece.

“Daddy—”

“You shut up,” your father snapped, standing, slamming his fist on the desk. “I’m so fucking tired of you, y/n. I’m so fucking sick of you talking back to me. I’m so fucking sick of you, thinking that you’re anything but my daughter! You have no place here! Shut your fucking mouth, because your word means nothing here!”

Bury me, so deep you can’t hear me screaming anymore.

“You were never going to make a deal with me,” Tom murmured, calmly taking a drag of his cigarette. “Mmm…you were right, y/n. He’s a crazy prick.”

Your father chuckled darkly, “of course I was never going to make a fucking deal with you, Thomas, are you an idiot? You’re vulnerable here. You did this to yourself. You fell in love with my…e-excuse for an heir, and now it’s coming back to bite you in the fucking ass. That’s what happens when you fall in love, when you put your trust in women like y/n.” Your father picked up his empty glass from the table, finishing it. “They’re snakes. You get fucked. That’s all they do. They take, and they take, and they take from you. They’re uncontrollable, fickle little girls that know nothing of authority or of honor.”

I’ll always come back.

You watched with glassy eyes as he rounded the desk, going for the bar cart by the door. He poured himself a generous glass, and then two more for you and Tom. You met Tom’s eyes, but he just shook his head. Tom was not in charge. It had to be you.

Piece by piece, put me back together.

“You’ll learn that quickly, Thomas,” your father continued, bringing the glasses to you both. “You’ll learn that after you sign your name. You’ll learn that after I take every single piece of you that fucking matters, and you’ll learn, but you’ll never be able to fix your fucking mistakes. You’ll be long fuckin’ dead before you get that chance.”

“Is that why you killed my mother?” You shot back, squeezing the glass in your hand. “For honor?”

Do it again. Over and over again.

Your father laughed hysterically, tossing his head back for a moment.

“Oh, sweetheart, of course not. It’s because she was useless to me,” he leaned down towards you, shaking his head. “She refused to give me a son. And all she did was try and tell me how blessed I was to have you, y/n. And you know…whatever she did for you, whatever fucking men of mine helped you along the way, I do have something to be thankful for when it comes to you, y/n. You weren’t useless, and that’s why I hate to do this to you. For once in my life, something good came from my fucking family, and you did exactly as I thought you would. Predictable you are, so it was easy.” He kissed your forehead. “You brought Tom Holland to his knees. Just as I thought your beautiful face would.”

My resilience is limitless.

You started to breathe deeper, slower, and your father raised his glass.

“A toast! To the newlyweds.”

At the cue, the door opened, and both you and Tom stood up when all of your father’s men shuffled into the room, your men. Then there was Mariposa, her face covered in running mascara as Jacob, your Jacob, held her by the hair as he pressed a gun to her head. Her hands were tied, her shoes were missing, and she already had a purpling bruise forming on her cheek, a gash near her hairline. Your father was thorough, you would give him that. And for a moment, you regretted getting close to Mariposa, to Tom, you regretted becoming anything more than acquaintances with them because you were powerless now.

You’re wrong.

“There was no missing shipment in Brooklyn, was there?” You asked finally. “All of this…this whole fucking thing…is was bullshit, daddy, wasn’t it?”

Your father shrugged, “what can I say, y/n? I’ve been doing this a long time. These things, acquiring new territory—it takes time! And I’m a patient man, I really am. I do pride myself on waiting for things to fall into my lap rather than getting my hands dirty. You know how it is. When you get to the top, when you are like me, baby, you don’t have to do anything but wait.”

You watched as your father came up to Jacob, putting his hand on Mariposa’s cheek. She cried out as your father kicked her to her knees, and you froze.

You’re wrong. There is nothing more dangerous than a woman in love.

“So what?” You called out. “You have Tom and I sign these stupid papers, and then what?”

“And then I order these men to put a fucking bullet in his head, sweetheart,” your father dragged his knuckles down Mariposa’s cheek. “And then his brothers. And then I take a nice trip to London to take care of my new responsibilities, with you in tow, and that marriage certificate. And then I take what’s rightfully mine.”

You saw your father pull out his chrome pistol, the metal reflecting the yellowing light flickering around you.

“Sign the papers, y/n,” your father said, turning to face you. “Sign them now.”

You stepped forward, but your father pointed his gun at Mariposa, who cried out as he pressed the barrel to her forehead. Tom subtly put a hand on your arm, keeping you still, and his touch brought you back to the ground.

“I didn’t think Giovanni was telling me the fucking truth,” he chuckled. “He told me you and Thomas were closer than you let on, but I didn’t believe him. Because y/n, I really…for a second I thought maybe you could truly be my blood. But you’re weak, sweetheart. You’re soft. And I thought I taught you better.”

He gripped a handful of Mariposa’s curls, forcing her neck back, sighing, “you can’t have good people in this business. You can’t have people you love. You can’t have strings attached. Because then they end up like this, y/n…” He looked down pitifully at Mariposa’s darkening green eyes. “You end up getting them killed.”

Threaten what she loves, and you find out what she’s made of.

“I’ll sign the papers,” you whispered. “I’ll sign the fucking papers, just…let her go, daddy. Please. Just let her go.”

He nodded his chin towards the desk, and you slowly turned, rounding to the front of the desk. You sat down in his leather chair, picking up the pen and scribbling your name on the line. Your father was quick to pull on Mariposa’s hair again, and Tom growled under his breath before picking up the pen and signing his own name. You let your hands fall into your lap, and then you met Mariposa’s sweet eyes. There were tears in them, but you could see the faint nod of her head, and you felt under the desk, feeling the tape and then the cool hand of the gun she had hid underneath it. You wrapped your hand around it, sucking in a breath.

You are not made of metal and wire.

“There. It’s done,” you said softly, and your father nodded his head towards you and Tom again. His men, your men, held up their handguns to you both, and you stared at all of them. Each of them, you made sure to meet their eyes, searching for anything inside of them besides pure, blinding obedience. De Luca had struggle in his eyes, and you would play on that. You had to.

Your father let go of Mariposa, who slumped down on her knees, her sniffles gentle and soft. You tightened your grip on the gun under the desk.

You are made of skin and bone.

“Do you always have your men do your dirty work for you, daddy?” You interrupted him. “Do they always do just as you say, just like helpless, blind dogs?”

“You’ll never get to find out, my love,” your father said simply, sighing deeply. “This isn’t how I wanted it to go, y/n. I did want you to be a part of this. I did want you to work with me. But…” he shrugged his shoulders with a laugh, “you weren’t made for this life. This business…it’s not for you.”

You are made of fire and smoke.

“If you knew me at all, you’d know how full of shit you are,” you snapped. “Do you know what it feels like to kill someone, daddy? Do you know how it feels to…watch them die in front of you? Do you know what it looks like?”

“Of course I do, y/n.”

You scoffed, “you’ve never done it yourself, have you? Not once in your sorry life have you ever done it on your own. You’ve always made good people, people like these men, like me…you’ve always made good people do your bidding. Not once have you ever, ever been man enough to do it yourself, isn’t that right?”

“I’ve given—”

“Orders,” you finished for him, gathering up the saliva in your mouth and spitting at him. “It’s pathetic. You’re a coward. You have no idea what it takes, daddy. All this time…all this time you talk about how much I don’t know about business. You talk about how incapable I am at running things. But you’re wrong. You weren’t made for this business. You’ve never been made for it. You’ve just been pretending. But I will tell you something, daddy…you’re damn good at pretending.”

You are made of blood and tears, memory and starlight, and he has convinced you for so long that what you are made of is something to be ashamed of.

Your father snickered a bit, and you stood up, pulling the gun out from under the desk, holding it up to him, aiming right at his chest. His men all changed direction, from having their guns pointed at Tom to having their guns pointed right at you.

“y/n…don’t be ridiculous,” your father said, shaking his head. “All of my men, against you? C’mon. Just put it down.”

He told you that because he is afraid. He is afraid of what women can do when they know what they’re made of.

“They’re not your men, daddy,” you said lowly. “They’re mine.”

Your father sighed, running a hand over his face before he brought up his own gun.

“y/n, don’t make me do this,” he said, sounding annoyed. “All of this mess, it’s really not necessary.”

“You’ve never shot that thing,” you laughed bitterly. “Even from this close, you’ll shoot anywhere but at me. But I won’t miss. And you know that.”

A look of doubt crossed his features as he looked at the gun and then back at you. It was true. His gun had been scratched, used, touched, played with, but not a single fleck of gunpowder had ever left the barrel. Your father had never fired a gun, you knew that, but he liked to play with guns anyway. Your father was just a boy in a man’s shoes, and he would always be that way.

“Did you hear me, daddy?” You called him out of his thoughts. “I won’t miss.”

“But my men—”

“They’re mine,” you interrupted him. “I dare you to order them to shoot me. They won’t. I’m not scared of them. Do you have the same faith in them, daddy? Are you so sure they won’t shoot you?”

He is afraid of me. He is afraid of me, and I have him.

Your father laughed, but it was nervous laughter. His voice cracked halfway through, and you knew you had him. You met De Luca’s eyes again, and he slowly, so slowly, lowered his weapon. The rest of the room watched, and after a few tense, silent moments, the guns pointed in your direction were drawn towards the floor. De Luca put himself in front of Mariposa, his body shielding hers, and the look in your father’s eyes was one of complete, utter disbelief.

You rounded the desk, lowering the gun pointed at your father. You handed it to Tom, who took it gratefully. Your father hadn’t lowered his gun, but you knew the trigger wouldn’t budge.

He still has the fucking safety on.

You stepped in front of him. You had been in front of a gun a few times before now, but it felt different this time. It was strange standing on the other side of a gun you used to admire, a gun you used to worship. On the other side of it, even worse, was a man who had never seen you as anything more than his little weapon, his object of a little girl. You thought you could love him all over again. You thought there was something redeemable in him. You thought that maybe, just maybe, New York would be your chance to change his mind.

“He will never learn until it’s too late, and by then, nothing will be able to save him.”

Your father had no redeemable qualities. He never would. Even now, staring at you in a room where his power meant nothing, he was still trying to put you down.

At the end, all we have left are our words. It is a shame that his will mean nothing.

“You think this means you’ve…become something?” Your father breathed, pressing the gun into your chest. It was cool against your skin. “You think just because you got a room full of men to be on your fucking side that you’re anything but my little girl?”

You stared at him blankly, unmoving.

“You’re still nothing, y/n. You’re still nothing, you’re not ready. You don’t have what it takes to do what I do. You don’t have the fucking…y-you…” He struggled to find the words, and you tilted your head to the side, watching him catch his breath. “You’re still a scared little girl at heart, and just because you’ve been running things in New York, you think you’re prepared to run my empire? You’re as stupid as you look, y/n.”

“Maybe I’m not ready,” you laughed a bit. “But I’m not alone. That’s your problem. Everyone around you is an enemy. Even me, your…your daughter. You don’t have family. You don’t have friends. You push everyone away because you think that being at the top is duty enough for only one man. You isolated yourself, daddy, and now look at you. It’s over, and you’re alone. You pushed everyone away, and it…it killed you.”

“I’m not dead, y/n.”

“You’ll wish you were,” you whispered, shaking your head. His pupils dilated at the sound of your soft voice. There was malice in it, evil, pity. He couldn’t accept that he was the only man against you, he couldn’t accept that for once in his life, he was losing, to you no less. “Put it down. It’s over, dad.”

“It’s not over,” he grunted, putting his finger on the trigger. He hated that you didn’t seem afraid, he hated not being feared. You were so calm, and it was eating at him inside. “It’s not over! It’s not over until I say that it’s over! It’s not fucking over! You’re my daughter! You’re going to turn around, grab that fucking piece of paper, you’re going to put a bullet in Tom Holland’s fucking head, and you’re going to give me what I want!”

He is afraid of me.

“No,” you said softly.

I like this feeling.

“No?!” Your father scoffed. “God, dammit, y/n, I’m not fucking joking around anymore! I’m your father!”

Your throat closed when he pressed on the trigger, his index finger squeezing it hard. The barrel, pointed right at your chest, and from this close, with the metal touching your skin, there was no hesitation. It was a spot to kill, and he had pulled the trigger. But just as you knew, the trigger didn’t move, and you snatched the gun out of his hand, using the back of it and hitting him on the side of the head. You watched him crumple onto the floor, onto his knees, and you swallowed the lump in your throat as you watched him bring a shaking hand up to his forehead, touching the fresh wound there, wincing.

The devil does bleed, it seems.

“You’re no one to me anymore,” you said faintly. “You mean nothing to me.”

You couldn’t hear anything anymore. All you could see was white. You didn’t blink, you didn’t think, you just did.

“Nothing? Nothing?!” Your father laughed. “You’re making the biggest mistake of your entire—”

You just did. Maybe it was the adrenaline. Maybe it was the hatred, or the anger, or the desperation inside of you, the part of you that just wanted to be free. Or maybe it was her, the woman who you needed so badly but who you were ashamed of. It had to be her. She liked blood.

You have gotten yourself to the finish line. And she will get me past it.

You could hear them calling your name, somewhere, far away. They were calling your name, telling you to stop, but you couldn’t. She had taken over you completely, and it was as if you weren’t in control anymore. Anger had devoured you, swallowed you whole, and the woman it spat out was the woman you were hiding from everyone else. You didn’t know forgiveness, not today.

Over and over again, you couldn’t stop. You thought maybe you were screaming, because your throat was starting to hurt. Maybe you were crying, because your face was wet, or maybe it was the blood. Your arm ached, it was tired, but you couldn’t stop bringing it down, over and over again, as hard as the woman inside of you allowed. She was ruthless, she was reckless. She had no mercy, none at all.

She has no idea what I have in me. She has no idea what I can do, but she’s realizing it, and she won’t let me stop.

Strong arms wrapped around you, yanking you up off the ground. You dropped the gun you were holding, and it clattered onto the floor, but you couldn’t hear it still. There was a ringing in your ear, and all of their voices were distant, detached, faint as you stared down at your father. He was starry-eyed; if you looked away too quickly, you would miss them fading into nothingness.

“y/n! y/n, fuck, stop!”

It was him. His voice came through first, suddenly loud and clear, right in your ear, and you had been screaming, because as soon as the ringing stopped, you could hear your own voice crying out in anger. You closed your mouth, finally quieting.

“y/n, it’s alright,” he whispered in your ear, not letting you go. You had been kicking and screaming as he held you, trying so hard to break away and let the woman finish her bidding.

Let her finish using me to do what she really wanted to do.

“It’s over. It’s over, baby,” his voice soothed you, soft and honeylike in your ear, and his touch was warm, firm, tight against you. “I’ve got you. It’s over.”

“I-I—” Your voice caught in your throat, and you turned around to face him, hot tears on your face. “I-I don’t know what c-came over me—”

You let out a sob, and Tom put a hand on the back of your neck, pulling you into his chest, quieting your cries. Tom made eye contact with De Luca, who understood almost immediately. He undid the ties around Mariposa’s arms before picking up your father’s gun, dripping with blood.

“What…w-what did I do, Tommy?” You wept into the crook of his neck, “what…what did I do?”

Tom said nothing as he kept you securely in his chest. He stared down at the floor, your father limp and lifeless against the hardwood, his face a mangled, unrecognizable mess of flesh and blood and bone now. For a few moments, Tom hadn’t been able to move. There was a madness inside of you that had rendered him absolutely useless, a blind, merciless hatred enthralled over your entire being that even he had been afraid of. Your father had been reduced to nothing at your hand, and the memory stuck with Tom even as De Luca and your men dragged him out of the room, the door shutting behind them.

Tom reached a hand out to Mariposa, who was still on the ground, shaking on her knees. She reached for his hand and took it, letting him lift her off of the ground. Tom wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her into his chest, and then Tom had two girls against him, their tears wetting his shirt as he held them together. He closed his eyes painfully, kissing the tops of both their heads.

“It’s alright,” he assured you both. “It’s alright. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Mariposa clung to Tom, her arm going around his middle, and she found comfort in his chest, her cheek against it as she hid there. She put her other arm around you, despite the blood all over you, and she held the both of you as close to herself as she could, closing her eyes as silent tears fell down her face.

You opened your eyes finally, turning your head to see Mariposa, her green eyes wide as she opened them to meet yours, too. You reached out with a shaky hand and touched her cheek, wiping away a stray tear, and you smeared blood on her, but she didn’t seem to mind.

You were a long way from being kids. Far away, miles away, years away. You grew up knowing this sweet face of hers, but now that you stared back at each other, you both knew things were different. This was a long way from cops and robbers, from kiss and don’t tell. You had seen each other do things for one another in the last six months that you never thought you would, and now that you were staring at each other like this, you knew there was nothing that could tear you apart anymore. There was nothing that would ever take you away from her again, from Tom, from Harrison, from your family.

My real family.

“I’m sorry,” you croaked out, and Mariposa shook her head, not saying a word as she stared back at you. She didn’t need to say anything. You already knew the answer. Mariposa would do anything for you. It didn’t matter what you asked, she would do it for you, and she wasn’t sorry that she did it for you. She would do it again, even if she knew what would happen afterwards.

You looked up finally, right into Tom’s dark eyes. He was staring down at you, and he leaned down to rest his forehead against yours, and you sucked in a shaky breath at his touch.

“Tommy,” you whispered, your voice hoarse and broken. “Why didn’t you…you did nothing. You didn’t stop me…you barely said…a word.”

He shook his head, “it wasn’t my fight, y/n. It had…it had to be you.”

Tom wiped the tears that quickly fell down your face, and you tucked your face back into his chest, his warmth the only thing keeping you together.

It had to be you.

There was a part of you that knew he was right. It did have to be you. Your whole entire life, you had fought with your father. Your fought for his attention, then you fought for his approval, and then you were fighting just to open his eyes. Your entire existence had been dedicated to proving him wrong. More than two decades of your life, you had buried the growing hatred and covered with some kind of mock love, some kind of sense of duty to being your father’s daughter. But you were never meant to be your father’s daughter, no, you were meant to be something else.

You are meant to be you, and no one else.

You squeezed your hands into fists, and you grimaced to yourself when you felt how sticky your hands were, clammy and thick with blood. When you closed your eyes, there were glimpses, flashes in your memory of the things you had done, the things you had seen. You had seen spiders once inside of you in your dreams, crawling, poisonous creatures with webs that had choked you. Then, you had seen blood, drawing red rivers of tears down the length of your face, war paint that you wore with dread as you swallowed it in metallic-tasting mouthfuls.

The nightmare you saw now was yourself. You, without decoration; it was just you, with nothing but warm eyes, cool tears, and your bare hands. You, who you saw now, this woman, she was the most terrifying nightmare you could think of. She found her hiding place in you, and she was there to stay. You could see her getting up, feel her making her way into your breaths, drawing fire from your heart, pushing pain into all the places you had closed off before.

No. No, no, no.

Suddenly, she was gone. Tom’s hand cupped one side of your face, coaxing your eyes to open, and you couldn’t help the flow of tears that followed. You were battling yourself, struggling to keep your sanity, but he made you feel like everything was still, calm, unmoving. You just had to focus on him, because if you didn’t, you had no idea where your mind would go.

It would roll and keep rolling, all the way until it fell off the edge. And I can’t see the bottom of this pit inside of me.

“I love you,” you whispered, and nothing could make you feel lighter than the way he looked at you then. His dark eyes softened, growing lighter in color as they stared down at you, and you wished he would always look at you like this because it made you feel whole again.

“I love you.”

She had no mercy. She was relentless in her efforts to draw you into that hole, that deep, endless whole of nothingness, but she would fail, you knew she would. She would fail each and every time. You knew what would happen every time you nearly tripped over that edge, every time she caught your ankle and dragged you. You knew she stood no chance against Tom. Tom could draw out the parts inside of you that you always kept buried, and he would do it, again and again, for as long as he needed to.

You knew he would. She had no mercy.

But he does. And he will catch me when I go too far. Every single time.

read chapter ten

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257 notes · View notes

until-theend-oftheline · 5 years

Text

Scary World

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, Covid-19 quarantine, adult conversations, pregnancy worries

Squares Filled: Intimacy for @marvelfluffbingo

Word Count: 1400ish

A/N: This is part of my LLL universe - it takes place March 2020 and Y/N is pregnant with their third child.

It can also be read as a one shot just as always.

Betaed by: none - all mistakes are mine

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Being cooped inside the apartment most of the time was hard. Sebastian had never been happier that you had insisted on getting a place with an outside space. The four balconies on each corner of the apartment had never been put to use as much as they were these days.

Still, the kids were claiming on the walls after being on lock down for almost two weeks now. At first it had been nice. Everyone was home and together. The kids loved having both their parents around with absolutely nothing to do other than playing with them, cooking together and cuddling on the couch at night. After two weeks the novelty wore off and boredom set in. Isabella and Alexander had never really been whiny kids but they seemed easier to tears these days. Sebastian felt an unease in his entire body from the lack of physical regime he was usually keeping. He still worked out as well as he could, but he was itching for a run.

You had seemed fine at first but these past few days you had started to draw into yourself in a way Sebastian hadn’t seen you do since Isabella had just been born. You were still very much pregnant, so Sebastian knew it was another postpartum depression, but he worried. Finding time to talk to you was difficult too with the little ones being around all the time, especially since you had been starting to redraw to the bedroom claiming you were tired and needed to sleep as soon as they were in bed. The past two mornings you had also been up and out of bed when Sebastian woke up.

Sebastian hoped he would get to talk to you tonight even if he had to play a little dirty to get time with you.

“I’m tired. I’m heading in,” you stated as soon as the two of you exited the kids’ room and Sebastian instantly stretched his arms over his head yawning, sending you a small smile.

“That sounds like a great idea. I’m beat,” Sebastian answered, making your eyes widen a little.

“Really? I thought you…” You started, but Sebastian just shook his head.

“Narh. I’m tired. Let’s go to bed,” Sebastian smiled, trying his best to calm your mind. He wasn’t sure what was going on in there but he would be damned if he wasn’t going to find out.

Getting ready for bed was done in quite, even if Sebastian could practically see the wheels turning inside your head. You were carrying something, and whatever it was he didn’t want you to do it alone. The only trouble was his own anxiety. It had gotten better over the years. He suspected it had everything to do with you and the kids, but when things were off between the two of you he still struggled. He did at times anyway, but you always saw. Talking things out with you somehow always made everything better. Now when the thought he could be losing you entered his head his mind was reeling and he was fighting to keep himself under control.

You crawled into bed keeping on your own side as you laid down, trying to get comfortable. Sebastian sat against the headboard watching you, trying to stop the movie playing inside his head where you told him that this time had made you realise you no longer loved him and it was time to go your separate ways. He tried so hard to control it but he couldn’t. The rational conversation he had wanted to have with you, asking you about your mental health and what he could do to help you went out the window the moment the words fell from his mouth.

“Are you thinking about leaving me?” Sebastian asked and he wanted to kick himself when your head whipped around and your eyes met his. You struggled due to your 7 month huge pregnant belly but managed to push yourself back into a seating position. Shook and concern were written all over your face as you looked at him.

“What? No,” you insisted and Sebastian drew a sigh of relief. Relief was quickly replaced by shame though as he saw your face softed.

“Why would you think that?” you reached out taking his hand and Sebastian instantly gave it a small squeeze.

“I… I don’t know. I wanted to talk to you tonight and suddenly I started thinking that maybe all this time being stuck inside the apartment with me had made you realise…” Sebastian started, but you stopped him placing your free hand against his cheek before he could finish.

“I love you Sebastian Stan. So much more than you know. Yeah I’m going stir crazy and I’m scared half the time but it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you,” you insisted.

Sebastian frowned, “you’re scared?”

You looked down, nodding and Sebastian could tell you were struggling holding back the tears.

“Come here.”

Sebastian quickly shifted, pulling you to sit between his legs resting your back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, pressing a soft kiss against your cheek and neck.

“Don’t shut me out, honey. If you’re scared of something you have to talk to me about it. Please?” Sebastian gently pushed, as the tears started to silently fall down your cheeks. You turned a little burying your face against his arm, allowing him to just hold you and calm you for a while. Sebastian kept pressing small kisses to your skin wherever he could reach and running his hand up and down your arm, gently rocking you.

“What if all of this isn’t over in a few weeks?” You muttered. “I’m fine staying in here with you and the kids. What about when I have to go for my check up in a few days? What if the world is still like this when she is born? What if I get sick when I’m still pregnant or she gets sick at the hospital? What will happen to her?”

Sebastian tightened his hold around you as you talked. It wasn’t like any of those thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind but he also knew the chances were slim. He could reason with himself and keep his own mind in check using facts and statistics, but he also knew from experience those wouldn’t work on you right now. Everything was emotions when you were pregnant and he should have foreseen this. He was pissed at himself that he hadn’t but none of that mattered right now, all that mattered was you.

“We’ll go by car to the check up. We won’t go until last minute so we won’t have to spend too long in the waiting room,” Sebastian suggested and he started to feel you relax. All you needed was to talk this out and be taken seriously. Sebastian knew you better than he knew himself. “As for the birth. Honey, we still have time. We’ll figure it out. If you feel safer doing it at home and away from the hospital we’ll do that. We’ll talk to Dr. Mcknight about it. You’ll be fine and our daughter will be perfect and healthy just like the other two monkeys next door,” Sebastian smiled, when you giggled against his arm. You are relaxing more now.

“We’ll figure it out. I promise. Even if we have to stay inside the apartment for a year or two,” Sebastian teased, causing you to groan.

“Don’t say that,” you complained, looking up at him with a pout Sebastian could help but lean in and kiss away.

“I could do that though. It wouldn’t be easy, but as long as I have you with me there’s nothing I couldn’t get through,” Sebastian smiled, when you lovingly rolled your eyes at him.

“Okay that was sappy even for you, Seba” you laughed, squealing when Sebastian started tickling you.

You struggled to get away but all you achieved was somehow getting stuck with Sebastian hovering above you, with a cheeky smile on his face.

“If you don’t like sappy, I could just make you forget for a while instead,” Sebastian teased wiggling his eyebrows at you, causing you to laugh.

You reached up, running your fingers through his hair with a small smile on your lips as you pulled him down towards you.

“Yes please.”

Reblogs spread my work and make me happy. Got a favorite part/line? Did something touch you? Do you relate in some way? Please tell me and make my day.

Sebastian Stan Tag Team

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roselen-mylady · 4 years

Text

In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader ° part thirteen

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life. They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected.

Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

When Y/n awoke that morning there was nothing. No terrifying nightmare leaving her in a cold sweat. No hot tears streaking her cheeks as her guilt seeped free of her subconscious. There was only a vague tiredness that came with just waking up and as she slowly gained awareness, she'd realized what had awoken her.

Bucky's arm had latched around her waist in his sleep, the vibranium piece chilling her warmed flesh. She'd been mostly used to the feeling but some nights, especially colder ones where he left his arms atop the covers before drawing them back to her, she found the sensation shocking but pleasant. If anything it was a reminder of him and his frozen past she was thawing more and more each day.

Her fingers overlapped his own, entangling their hands together as she shifted herself to face him. His eyes moved under their lids, some dream that would soon be forgotten playing in his head as he slept. It was peaceful watching the way his chest rose and fell or the way his lips slightly parted with each breath. Admiring the way his lashes barely brushed his cheeks as he stirred, imagining the sea of blue that was hidden from her.

He was beautiful. A kind of beautiful that wasn't shared with the world but a beautiful that was obvious to those around him. A beauty that started in his heart and seeped to each of his features. A beautiful person.

"You okay?" His voice was gruff with sleep and his eyes barely peeked open enough to see her. The question was followed by a long yawn he tried rather pathetically to stop along with the small jerk as he moved closer into her side.

She nodded, smiling lovingly as her hand came to his face, running her palm along his cheek. "I'm fine, go back to sleep." She lulled, her hand trailing up to his short strands and lightly brushing her nails against his scalp.

He leaned into her touch for a moment before sleep took him once more. Sleep had always been something touch and go with them. But tonight it was granted and she couldn't shake the feeling that it was a small mercy for whatever they had to face in the future.

But she refused to allow her thoughts to keep her up.

And as she drifted off to sleep once more she promised herself that the only thing she'd let wake her up in the middle of the night would be the cold limb of her love.

•••

When Y/n awoke again, her head was on Bucky's chest. His breaths were steady but faster than usual sleep would allow so she knew he was awake, probably exploring the new tech she'd put on his phone, fascinated by the advances of 2024.

Moving her hand across his bare chest, she could feel the shape of the muscle there, firm with years of use. Pulling her hand closer toward herself, she could feel the raised scar tissue where they'd attached his arm. She traced the skin there, his arm coming to rub her back as he eased her out of her sleepy daze.

Morning Bucky was a sight to behold. It was like his past hadn't quite caught up with him yet and she could only imagine it was the same for herself. It was like they were still dreaming and this particular morning she wanted to do everything in her power to stay there with him. But Bucky was unaware of such plans.

"You have a meeting in an hour." His words rumbled through his chest and Y/n sighed, half heartedly glaring at him from her lazy position across his torso.

"You're really killing the mood." She hummed, burying herself further into his chest as his metal thumb brushed along her shoulder. There was a soft thud on the bedside table and Y/n guessed he'd set down his phone before moving his other arm to hold her as he chuckled.

"What mood?" He questioned. Y/n didn't even have to look up at him, already picturing his amused but Loving smile.

"The 'sunlight pouring in through the window while laying in the arms of the man you love' mood. In this scenario, they don't usually remind each other of nonsensical things such as meetings." She explained, earning another laugh from him.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind for next time." He promised. A mock gasp slipped from her lips and she dramatically propped herself up, looking at him with playful eyes.

"Next time? After killing the mood like this? Who do you think you are?" She couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips as his eyes mimicked her own teasing manner.

"The man that you love." He answered rather matter of factly. Her cheeks burned at his words but she was too prideful to let him win, even in banter.

So in a cunning and mischievous turn of events, she leaned forward, capturing his lips in a lingering kiss. Their lips moved slow, in no rush for anything but themselves as his hands came to grip her waist. There was a type of passion behind the kiss. It was like a fire but not the type that was fast and destructive. It wasn't wild and certainly showed no sign of going out anytime soon.

It was the type of fire that started slow but once it was started, it burned throughout the night. The kind that kept warm and persistent despite strong winds. A slow burn. A burn Y/n hoped would never go out.

"You're playing dirty." Bucky breathed as she pulled away, his lips still parted as if expecting her lips to return to his own once more.

"I thought you liked that." She retorted making him shake his head.

"As much as I'd like to lay here with you all day, we both have places to be." He changed the subject quickly. Y/n smiled knowing she'd won but nodded in agreement. Like Bucky had so kindly reminded her, she had a meeting with Pepper about budget and as much as she hated it, she needed to attend.

Reluctantly she climbed off of him, allowing him to get up with a long stretch. His sweatpants had sunk a little, just hanging on his hip bones as he walked and while she would gladly watch him walk the rest of his way to the closet, his phone buzzed beside her making her turn her gaze away.

"Sam's texting you." Y/n called after sparing a glance at the notification reading 'Bird Brain'. It was a weak insult but Bucky was pretty proud of it so the name seemed to stick despite Sam's protests.

"Can you answer him, please?" Bucky replied, the quiet shifting of hangers following as he searched for something to wear.

She stretched, detangling herself from the covers before reaching over and grabbing his phone. He didn't have a password which Y/n had advised him against but he didn't seem to listen. Her tech was secure though so she wasn't too worried. Powering it on, she smiled softly at the picture of them he had set as his screen.

"He says he wants you to meet him for coffee. Is that code for something? Is that a mission?" She called, a little excited with the idea of a mission. He'd never allowed her to go with them before, something about not being hired by the government or some nonsense she didn't feel like listening to.

"I think Sam's just got a bit of a caffeine addiction." Bucky chuckled, tugging on his jeans and coming to sit on the bed as he slipped on his socks and shoes.

She frowned playfully, a little disappointed that she wouldn't be able to try the new addition to her suit, an advancement she fondly called, 'Hellraiser'.

"I can drop you off at the Tower before I go meet him. That is, if you actually get dressed." Bucky smiled, nudging her leg as he stood back up. He was a morning person and for that she had to condemn him but he had his moments, such as always waking her in time for work.

"I'm gonna shower real quick. Don't leave without me, I wanted to show you what Peter and I have been working on." She explained, climbing up from the bed and rushing off to the bathroom.

Bucky watched her go, smiling at his stolen clothing on her body as he stood and grabbed his phone. He made his way down stairs to the kitchen, swiping through the news app as he did. He tried his best to ignore the news like Y/n told him but sometimes he gave in, sparing a glance at what the media had to say about him.

But before he could read any of the articles, a small white puff of fur pounced in front of him, nearly making him fall down the stairs in an effort to avoid it.

"Alpine!" He cried, a little annoyed but mostly worried for the safety of their kitten. She was a little ball of pure marshmallow and while she seemed too adorable to be the menace she was, Bucky saw through her act, narrowing his eyes on her.

"You're gonna get stepped on one of these days." He frowned, trying in vain to not let her curious, blue gaze melt his heart.

However he eventually gave in and with a sigh he leaned down, plucking her from the ground and letting her sit in the crook of his arm, her little paws hanging over his shoulder. With his only obstacle now secure in his arm, he slipped his phone into his pocket and continued to the kitchen.

The sun had just begun to rise, flooding the space in an orange glow. It was peaceful, a peace Bucky had grown used to in the six months Y/n and him had been together. He knew that was only a short period of time but after all the time they'd been without each other, it almost seemed like they were moving too slow. He would've married her the moment he met her if he could but he knew he didn't have to for her to be his. They needed each other and he was sure there wasn't a thing on Earth that could tear them apart.

The smell of coffee wafted through the air and Bucky smiled, setting Alpine down on the counter and grabbing her bowl. She meowed impatiently, the tiny little sound making him chuckle as he poured some of her food into the bowl. "Oh, I know. Life is so hard having to wait for one of us to feed you every morning." He spoke to her sarcastically. She ignored him, burying her face in her bowl as his hand came to pet her back, running along the soft fur rhythmically.

Soon the coffee machine beeped, a freshly brewed pot of coffee steaming and ready to go. But before Bucky could reach over and pour the cups he'd set out, Y/n slid in next to him, pouring them for him.

"I thought you were going to be late." Bucky remarked, sparing a glance at the clock as he tugged her into his chest playfully. She giggled, shaking her head as she leaned into his touch, brushing an arm past him to pet Alphine.

"Me? Late? Doesn't sound like me." She replied, pecking his lips hastily before pulling away. Her hair was still wet and her make-up was fresh along with her perfume. He felt a little shabby next to her, his hair still ruffled with sleep and his shirt wrinkled.

The suit she wore was her favorite, charcoal and pinstripe, reminding him almost of the mock gangsters of his time from the movies. Her pants were fitting around her waist and loosened toward her legs, making her appear taller, more powerful. It was flattering on her but that wasn't what attracted his attention.

Instead it was her chest. She wore a matching vest along with a similar blazer folded over her arm, ready to wear. The vest came down in a deep V and there were no sleeves, exposing much of her skin and most of her scars.

The purple marks spanned out from her heart like lightning and while he believed it to be graceful and unique, she often didn't share his opinion. He admired them nonetheless. It reminded him of her strength. Her courage. Reminded him why he loved her.

"Uh huh, so that time we were two hours late to our own gala...that wasn't you?" He countered. Y/n sipped her cup, humming as she quickly swallowed to further argue her case.

"Nope. Now come on, you're gonna make us late." She teased, slipping on her blazer and grabbing her cup. He followed her actions, sparing one more scratch to Alpine's head before pacing after her down to the first floor.

"These damned heels." She groaned, pausing momentarily to adjust them as they made their way to the door. He chuckled at her predicament, plucking the keys from the hook as she walked out onto the street.

"Why are you wearing them if they're such torture devices?" Bucky raised his brow at her, grabbing his coat and stepping out onto the street with her. It was a quiet morning and people were just barely beginning to stir out of their homes, heading off to work or dropping off kids at school.

"They were a gift from Wanda and they're gorgeous. Leave me alone so I can suffer in peace as I wear them in." Bucky chuckled at her reply, slipping into the driver's seat and placing his coffee in the cup holder as she did the same.

The drive to the Tower was short on good days. And as they drove Bucky realized that it happened to be one of those days. The drive was long enough for conversation but spared the stressful traffic that usually came with morning commutes.

"Hey, I was gonna drop by and pick up Peter from school today." Y/n mentioned, putting on her earpiece as they drove.

Bucky nodded absently, his focus half on the truck beside them that didn't seem to know how to drive. "Ok. Does he need a ride or something? I could stop by on the way home." He offered, knowing Y/n would have to cancel a meeting or two to get him. Y/n shook her head, waving a dismissive hand.

"Nah, he said he wanted an appearance from Iron Star. He wanted to impress a girl or something." She explained, seeming a bit distracted as something played through her earpiece.

"Ah." Bucky replied, remembering vaguely of his advice to the boy. Of course he'd meant approach her through his alter ego but Bucky supposed having Iron Star show up at his school would definitely attract the attention of the feminist girl he was head over heels for.

"I told him that MJ would admire his personality and intelligence rather than his connections but he didn't seem to think so." Y/n continued, sending a glance toward her soulmate.

He chuckled, knowing he'd been caught. "Can you blame him? He's a 17 year old boy who thinks the best part of him is Spider-Man. He's young and still figuring himself out. He's still figuring out women."

"Figuring out women?" Y/n raised a brow at this. Bucky gave her a look.

"Well, doll, when I was Peter's age I wasn't exactly the smooth talker you know today." He teased. She shook her head with a laugh, muting whatever she was listening to.

"Is that so?"

"God honest truth." Bucky replied, smiling as her hand slipped into his free one.

"So what exactly changed?" Y/n asked, loving the stories he'd tell her. It was like listening to a very young looking grandfather and as weird as it sounded, she often enjoyed it.

"Well, you, actually. When I was young I never sought after girls cause I knew I'd have you. But when I got my countdown…" He trailed off, both knowing the rest. Y/n knew he was still sore but he was a lot better then he had been. At least that's what Steve had told her.

"Maybe we should stop for breakfast." Y/n suggested, trying to take his mind off of the thing that had haunted him most his life.

However Bucky shook his head at this, giving her a soft smile. "No, I don't want to make you late. Shouldn't keep Pepper waiting." He explained, squeezing her hand lovingly. Y/n smiled at him, knowing he was right.

If only they had stopped.

When they arrived at the Tower it was 7 a.m. and the place was beginning to flood with people. As he pulled up on the street in front of the building, a man he recognized as one of Y/n's employees walked toward them, offering to park for him.

Bucky thought nothing of it, as the younger man had done it for them every day. Instead he climbed out, handing the man the keys and walking around to open Y/n's door. She smiled at him, placing her hand in his as she stepped out onto the street.

Once in the building, Y/n was greeted by the secretary along with a few other employees who usually saw her in the mornings. It was normal and Bucky even got a few 'hellos' of his own.

They made their way to the elevator, a private one that led straight to the top floor. It was a penthouse of sorts with three floors separate from the rest of the building and while Pepper explained that they could move into this space, Y/n decided to instead turn it into a lounge for employees. Something about their job being just as hard as hers.

She kept the top floor for her office along with a meeting room for her discussions with Pepper. But the rest of the penthouse space was for employees. Bucky was glad she'd arranged it like so. He quite liked their home in Brooklyn.

Y/n tapped her earpiece lightly as they headed up, her gaze distant and her body tense. A holographic headset had appeared around her and Bucky caught a glimpse of what she'd been looking at last, what had distressed her so.

Omega.

Yet before he could say anything, she swiped it all away, bringing up blueprints for what she'd been working on with Peter.

"So what happens when too much electricity builds up in one place?" She questioned him suddenly as the elevator dinged, stepping out with him at her side.

"It overloads?" He replied, unsure.

"Yes, exactly." She pointed a finger at him, smiling excitedly as she turned back to the hologram. Swiping away the top blueprint she was able to bring up a chart, enlarging it for them both. "Now the energy in the stones is similar to electricity and this is how much energy from each of the stones is in my heart." Y/n started, beginning up the stairs as he studied it.

Each of the stones were on the chart, most with small percentages, which would've put him at ease if he hadn't seen which stones had the greater percentage.

The Power Stone was the greatest. By her calculations there was enough in her to level New York. And if that wasn't concerning enough, the second biggest energy source in her was the Soul Stone, the one stone they didn't truly understand.

"Why are you showing me this?" He asked, his voice low and troubled. Rather than answer him, Y/n simply pulled up another image, one that made them both stop halfway up the staircase. "Is that-?"

"Yeah. It is." A joyful smile graced her lips as he stared at her in disbelief. They nearly fell down the stairs as Bucky crashed into her, hugging her like it was the first time. They let out an airy laugh as relief washed through them both. She would be okay. And Bucky was grateful.

"What are we doing here? We should go to Bruce and have the procedure done now." Bucky demanded, grabbing her hand and beginning to make his way down the stairs.

"Whoa there, hotch." Y/n chuckled, not moving from her step. Bucky looked back at her stunned. "It's still a prototype, genius. That's part of the reason I'm going to get Peter today."

Bucky frowned a little but understood her explanation. He was just so worried. And she knew that. "Buck, look at me." She told him, pulling him closer to her, meeting eye to eye as he stood a few steps below her. Her tender hands came to hold his face, looking at him sternly as her thumbs brushed his cheek.

"I know how important this is, trust me, I do. But I'll survive one more day. I need to do this right or else the energy may react badly. Okay?" She spoke softly, her eyes searching his for acceptance.

Eventually he gave in, ducking his head further into her palms, kissing one gently. "Alright." He sighed softly, looking back up at her. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Y/n confirmed, leaning in carefully and pressing the tenderest of kisses to his lips. He kissed her back but she pulled away too soon upon catching sight of Corey arriving on the floor. Her assistant caught sight of them, making her way over as the two parted.

"Ms. L/n, I have those files you asked for." She told her, handing Y/n a stack of papers. Y/n nodded, smiling gratefully at Corey.

"Thank you." Y/n looked at her watch before sending a quick glance to the conference room. "Any word from Pepper? I was sure she'd be here before me." Y/n wondered, watching as Corey checked the tablet in her arms.

"Ms. Potts is running a bit late. She's asked me to tell you to prep without her." Corey replied. Y/n sighed, a little worried about how the meeting would go with the advisors without Pepper's help but she figured it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. She was the owner of the company after all.

"Alright, thank you." Y/n smiled, turning and beginning to make her way up the steps once more. Corey nodded, heading the other direction as Bucky followed Y/n. But then suddenly Y/n stopped, turning back to Corey.

"And Corey?"

The assistant stopped, facing Y/n with her eyebrows pulling into a look of confusion. Y/n paused a moment, calculating her words carefully.

"Good morning." She settled on, giving up on the words she'd wanted to say.

Corey's look of confusion morphed into a shocked one and a hint of a forced smile began to emerge on her face. It was like she hadn't been expecting to smile and for that she seemed more annoyed than cheerful.

"Good morning, ma'am."

And with that she left, heading off to attend to other matters within the Tower that needed her attention. Y/n watched her leave, her eyes trained on the woman's every move.

A feeling she didn't want to acknowledge settled in her gut but she ignored it, instead sharing a look with Bucky and making it the rest of the way to her office.

"Did something happen with you and Corey?" Bucky asked suddenly. Y/n chewed her lip knowing nothing got past her soulmate. It was a troublesome feature but definitely had it's advantages.

"Nothing important." She sighed, not daring to face him. He read her too easily. "Don't you have to meet up with Sam?" Bucky scoffed at her question, moving to follow her to her desk.

"He'll be fine without me for a little while." Bucky ignored her nonsensical worries, taking hold of her hand once it was freed of the papers she'd set down. "Hey, what's the matter?"

Y/n reluctantly looked up at him, unconsciously leaning into him as he stood before her. "What's going on? Is it Omega?" He asked tenderly, not wanting to upset her. She frowned, opening her mouth to reply.

But something behind him caught her gaze and all the air vanished from her lungs. Then suddenly all the bad feelings she'd been getting that morning made sense. "Get down!" She screamed a moment too late.

Before Bucky could even process what she'd said, heat enclosed them, flooding through the room. Flames rampaged around them but Y/n could hardly notice as they were sent flying back toward the window.

All she could see was Bucky as the impact struck him. And only one thought ran through her head.

Omega.

•••

Just moments ago, CEO of R.E.S.T.O.R.E., Y/n L/n and her rumored soulmate, James Buchanan Barnes became the latest victims in the recent chain of bombings linked to the notorious Omega, a believed terrorist. The exact number of casualties in this horrific event is unclear but it is believed that Ms. L/n and Mr. Barnes have been confirmed dead.

•••six months before•••

"Are you sure she's ready for that? I know well enough to trust Stark's plans but she's still young. Are you sure you want to put that kind of responsibility on her?" Fury asked, staring at the lake. The woman they spoke of was strong and definitely too intelligent for her own good. But was she ready for the world to depend on her? Was she ready to rebuild it from the ground up?

"We don't have a choice. And honestly I don't think I'd choose anyone else. I trust Tony and I trust her. She'll figure it out, she just needs our help." Pepper replied, sending a glance back to her daughter who sat on the porch with Happy.

"This isn't about trust. This is about capability. Trust me, I know how much she's grown over the last decade but that doesn't mean she's ready. The world isn't exactly gonna accept her help with open arms. If anything, she'll become a target for the backlash." Fury sighed, this eye patch squeaking in protest as he furrowed his brows.

Pepper frowned, knowing he was right. The world was cruel and despite all they'd done for the world, their mistakes were all that the world seemed to see. And unfortunately as the world began anew, Y/n would be the main figure for that anger.

"Then she'll need our help more than ever."

Part fourteen

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please-buckme · 4 years

Text

You Belong with Me. - Anakin Skywalker x reader

Unisex.

⚠️Warnings: the reader says goddamn.

3113 words

This day started the same as any other day. You woke from your small room that was very high up in the Jedi Temple. You got out of bed and got ready for the monotonous day a head of you. You took a quick shower, got out and dried off. The only thing you took extra time on was your Padawan braid. You wore it with pride no matter how bad you hated it and couldn't wait to become a master to chop it off. Throwing your robes on quickly, you headed for the door. You only had an hour before your meeting with your master and the council. You wouldn't dare be late but you had gotten back from a mission very late the night before and hadn't eaten in days, so you headed to the dining hall to grab something quick like a meiloorun and some juice.

You had hoped to run into some friends along the way since you hadn't been home in a while. Your two best friends were Anakin and Makenna. Both extraordinary Jedi and your most favorite people in the world. But to no avail that's not who you ran into.

"(Y/N)! Oh I am so glad to see you've made it back safely!" Padmé says running up and embracing you in a rather tight hug. "When did you get in?"

"We got back last night. I would've told you but it was very late." You say breaking the hug and awkwardly crossing your arm to hold the other. You had known Padmé for a long time. You once had to escort her back to her home planet on Naboo for a mission, so you had gotten to know much about her. But it seemed no matter how polite and gentle she was a part of you was always a little intimidated by her. After all she was one of the most beautiful women in the galaxy and to top it off, a senator. You couldn't help but stare at the floor when talking to her, almost as if her beauty was blinding.

"Ani will be so glad to hear you're back." She said rubbing the arm you were holding. You suddenly sensed the feeling of worry coming from Padmé. You look up into her sorrrow felled eyes.

"What is it?" You ask. She makes a you-already-know face towards you and you bring your hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose. "The dreams again?"

"Unfortunately. But you know he won't tell me about them." She now puts her head down shaking it side to side. "It's just- I don't know why he can't talk to me, I'm his-" she smiled down at the floor shaking her head, "Apart from that I'm glad he has you! You are his best friend!" You cringe at her last sentence. You loved being Anakin's best friend but an even bigger part of you wants so much more. You've never felt in competition with Padmé because there's no contest. He would pick her every time and you couldn't blame him. She wore the most extravagant dresses credit could buy and you were in your tolerable, baggy Jedi attire.

"Okay well just tell him to come find me later." Your mind was being overcome with ill-mannered comments about how she didn't deserve him but you kept quiet. "Shall I escort you to the dining hall?" You hold your arm out to walk Padmé down the long corridor to the dining hall.

"Oh this is perfect! I was just heading that way to speak with Ani. You may join us." Padmé says as if you had no choice, but you didn't like being around them when they were together. You were consumed with jealousy when he, or she, made advances towards one another. Anakin would always look at her so lovingly as he caressed Padmé face, she'd blush and reveal her bewitching smile. Neither of them knew your feeling a towards Anakin. You pushed your feelings deep deep down but you were afraid if you got too jealous you wouldn't be able to stop Anakin from sensing your emotions.

"Thank you for the offer, Padmé. But I'm going to be in a bit of a rush seeing as though I have a meeting with the council in just a few minutes, so I'm just gonna sit by myself to not distract myself." What you said didn't make sense in your head and it didn't sound any better coming out. You didn't know what else to tell her though. Hey Padmé I can't sit with you because I'm madly in love with your boyfriend. Absolutely not.

"Oh, okay! That's fine. I'll just have him find you later." You could sense something was off about Padmé again but this time you weren't sure what.

Once you got into the dining hall your eyes overtly go to Anakin sitting by himself. Your breath hitched in your throat at the mere sight of him. You started to feel your cheeks warm up as you blush. You then clear your throat and tell Padmé goodbye before she makes her way to Anakin. You grabbed your breakfast and sat just behind them at another table. You didn't want to sit with them but you wanted to hear their conversation.

Padmé was upset with him, that much you knew. She kept saying things like; you always do this, how dare you and even sometimes I question our alliance.

She was talking about their marriage. She doesn't know you know about their marriage but you did. When Anakin told you he was so happy. You faked it for hours then finally excused yourself to your room and almost drown in your own tears. He talked about wanting to marry her but that's not the Jedi way so you thought nothing of it. You didn't talk to either of them for weeks. Your master knew of your feelings for Anakin, so she helped you out by telling them you were on a mission when in reality you were so emotionally weak you could barely move a muscle.

"Hey you're back!" You heard your friend Makenna from over your shoulder. You shushed her still trying to ease drop on Anakin and Padmé. "Oh shit what'd I miss?" She asked trying to get the dirt on their relationship. Makenna also knew about their marriage because you told her. You had to tell her. You weren't eating, you weren't sleeping and her being your best friend you couldn't keep it from her any longer.

"They're fighting." You say in a hushed tone.

"Oh yeah. They've been fighting for weeks now. Ever since you left actually." Makenna said.

"Do you know why?" You ask out of curiosity.

"Just Anakin being Anakin. I heard that he has been disagreeing with the council again and," she got closer to your ear to whisper a little softer, "he's been disappearing randomly. Like he's supposed to be on a mission right now with Obi-Wan, but no one could find him. He's in a lot of trouble right now and Padmé has been livid. They're constantly at each other's throats." Makenna took a sip of your juice after telling you the recent gossip. Your stomach twisted at the emotions you could feel coming from Anakin. He was stressed, anxious, tired and furious all at the same time. The tension made you feel sick. You turned your focus back to Makenna to distract yourself from getting sick.

"Doesn't help that he's having the dreams again." You say making her eyes grow huge.

"Again?! What of this time?" She asked.

"I don't know yet. Padmé just filled me in on it. She says he won't talk to her about them, as usual. If he can't even open up to her then why is he with her? Can't he see that I'm the one who understands him?" You say putting your head down now starring at the table. You start to think back to the nights when Anakin would cry himself to sleep in your bed. How you'd comb through is hair with your fingers and watch him sleep. He never slept peacefully but there were those few seconds in between his conscious and unconscious state. Where his head was filled with nothing but the peace of silence, before the dreaming and after the breakdown. Those were the little moments you lived for with Anakin. I wondered if Padmé had every really looked at him the way you do. You doubted it though. Seeing as their relationship is so hidden it's almost like they keep it a secret from each other as well. They always asked for you to join them in whatever they were doing because they didn't like being alone together. And Anakin isn't the only one who keeps secrets in that toxic relationship. He tells you all the time about the secrets she keeps in her head. He, sometimes, even reads her mind because the deceitfulness becomes too much to bare. At this point you're starring at them. They're still fighting but they're covering it up with fake smiles.

"Hey?" Makenna says nudging your arm, "He's a boy. Chosen one or not. And boys are stupid. They see one pretty girl and think they're in love. You and I clearly know that he should be with you but he's not because he's a stupid boy. So, get over him, move on. Stop letting him hold you back from living your life, (Y/N)." Makenna started rubbing your back soothingly and you nodded towards her. She was right. Anakin never showed interest in you and only came to you for his problems. No more.

"You know what? You're right." You say standing up now. "I- I have been living in Padmé's shadow trying to compete and for what? He has never looked at me twice. I'm done. You say angrily in a hushed tone trying not to draw attention. "Thank you, my friend. I have to go now. I have a stupid council meeting." You rub her shoulder in gratitude and head out of the dining hall. When you open the doors to the corridor it almost felt as though you were walking into your new life. A life of no Anakin. It definitely scarred you but it also felt like something you should've done a long time ago.

—————— Night Time

After the council meeting you had a very good day. Your master gave you the day to do as you pleased sense you had been on your last mission for so long. So you just did stuff to kill time and to avoid Padmé and Anakin. Neither of them ever really went to the training arena so that's where you spent most of the day. You trained along side a fellow Padawan, Kham. Kham was a couple inches taller than you but not quite as tall as Anakin. He had darker hair and blue eyes that went with his beautiful dark complexion. It had been rumored for a while that he had a crush on you but you never got that vibe from him. To you you guys were nothing more than just friends.

After training and hanging out for a while he asked if he could walk you back to your apartment. You said yes not wanting to be rude and to also not walk alone. You guys were telling corny jokes and making each other laugh until you got to your front door. There sat Anakin against the wall awaiting your arrival. When he looked up to see you walking with Kham you saw his face contort into a rage. Was he jealous? No he couldn't be. What was there to be jealous of? You were you and nothing more than a best friend to him.

"Anakin." You say greeting him with a nod. For once you weren't happy to see him. At this point you wouldn't mind if you never saw him again. Just the sight of him enraged you.

"(Y/N)." he said back to you in an angered tone, "Kham." He greeted Kham as well. "I've been waiting here for well over an hour." He spat at you as if to make you feel bad. Kham felt the tension between the two of you.

"Okay, I'm gonna go. Anakin," he nodded. "Good to see you and (Y/N) I'll see you tomorrow." He says giving you a sweet smile. You smile back in response and he leaves you with Anakin. Great.

"Why didn't you tell me you were home. I had to find out from Padmé." He says jumping right into an argument.

"Sorry dad we got back late." You say.

"What's tomorrow?" Anakin asked. In reference to what Kham had said to you.

"A word to describe the upcoming day." You say sarcastically knowing exactly how he'd respond. You didn't care though. You simply walked past him and into your apartment.

"You know exactly what I mean. What is wrong with you?" He asks annoyed with your new attitude towards him.

"Are you really here to find out what's wrong with me or for me to be your emotional support blanket? Come here Ani let me soak up every ounce of frustration and anger you feel so you can feel better about yourself." You're tone had gotten louder. You didn't care if the entire temple could hear you. You were just glad that you were finally sticking up for yourself.

"Oh, so now my emotions annoy you?" He says way too dramatically for your taste.

"No Anakin that's not what I'm saying. I'm annoyed that that's all we talk about now. Ever sense Padmé came into the picture all I get from you is your emotional, sad, depressed state and the second you feel better you run right back to her. I'm exhausted Ani. I'm exhausted. I can't do this anymore." You say turning your back to him to not show him the tears you're holding back.

"Well, if that's how you feel then fine. I'll go." You could hear him head to the door but you wanted him to hear everything you had to say because you didn't know if you'd have the guts to say it again.

"You know- I used to think you hung the goddamn moon and all the stars, Ani. I so obviously loved you and you couldn't careless. For years I have been by your side through all your ups and downs and I got nothing in return. You never greet me when I come home from missions but oh- I didn't show up one time when you came home and you didn't talk to me for a week. So you go Anakin because I'm done. I can't take it anymore of this emotional abuse. I- I can't." You could feel the pooling tears in your eyes start to full. The tears you wept were not for him but for you. They symbolized everything you held back from him all these years. You were overwhelmed but relieved to finally be done with the charade and excited to be your own person again, if you ever were to begin with.

Anakin was frozen in his tracks still looking at the door. You cried silently not wanting him to stay and comfort you. You also knew he needed time to process everything you just told him. You'd never talked to Anakin that way and you wish you didn't have to. You wondered if he would indeed just leave. You wondered if he'd say absolutely nothing and walk out the door. But he didn't. All Anakin did was turn swiftly on his feet. Now starring at you he puts one foot in front of the other as if he was going to walk over to you. He stops as if he were still numb by your words.

"You think after all this time I didn't know you loved me? If you didn't love me why would you stay up with me all those nights just to talk? I've always known." He pauses for a moment. You just stare at him in confusion. Were your feelings a game to him? You wondered unto he spoke again. "Even after all this time and all those late nights you never once realized how crazy an- and insanely in love I am with you?" You gasped at his words throwing your hand over your mouth. "I never show up when you come home because I get too nerves to see you and when you come home hurt I- I lose my mind. When you didn't show up that one time I thought you needed space. When I saw you with Kham I almost lost it." Everything he said was music to your ears except the last part. He's jealous of a guy you're not even dating?

"Your jealous of Kham? That's funny, um, how about your wife? How do you think that makes me feel? I have to see you guys together constantly. If you love me so much then why do you torture me? Why did you marry her?" You wipe a tear away aggressively trying to appear stronger than you feel.

"Because I don't have to worry about her as much. Before her you're all I thought about day and night, which I still do. I thought being with her would help me get over you. Every time you go on a mission I'm scarred it'll be your last. I can't think straight or concentrate on anything when you're gone. You're my rock." He walked towards you now at a steady pace. Your tempted to take a step back but you don't. You just stare at Anakin until he fills in the empty space between you.

"I love you, (Y/N). I have always loved you."

You say nothing in response. You just do the one thing you'd been dying to do since you met. You kissed him. You kissed him in a way that cannot be described with words. Butterflies ran all through your body. Your head now feeling dizzy from all the passion and emotion that seeped from your mouth into his. He did not hesitate to kiss you back in this long awaited kiss either. You felt him smile on your lips which made you giggle. You nuzzled you're head into his chest and he enveloped his arms around your lower back. You were over come with joy now knowing that your best friend, Anakin Skywalker, the chosen one, was in love with you. You picked your head up to stare into his beautiful blue orbs.

"I love you, Ani." He just smirked down at you and kissed you ones again.

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