#sleep deprivation baybee

[serenanymph]

heads up 7 up (x2)

tagged by @talesofsorrowandofruin. Got another one from @reneesbooks a while ago which I still haven't done, so I'm cheating a little and combining it into 14 sentences. Anyway have more Rhyme woop woop

She climbs after them – up the steps, boots carefully sinking through the snow to find hard-packed dirt underneath, fingers freezing so badly she can barely feel them. She rubs them together, blowing hard to no avail. The golden threads stitched on the back are tarnished now, having lost all its shine long ago, the leather worn smooth and supple and not very helpful for winter at all. That, and the fact that these gloves simply weren’t designed for this weather in the first place, considering the fact that they’re fingerless. She inspects her nails – purple at the edges, fading into a blue that’s rapidly turning dark. A warming spell would help, if she could be sure that she wouldn’t set her surroundings on fire. Which she isn’t.

A simple warming spell should be something she’s capable of learning, if she had anything to learn from.

The Book on her hip (the Book still in her mama’s cold, cold hand, her mama who isn’t moving -) hums to life, as if summoned by the mere thought of magic. She glares down at it. “Shut up,” she hisses, her chest gaping and cavernous and empty, her chest filled with an unbearable pressure, always building and building and building. Her throat burns. “No one asked you.”

(Simply switching for a pair of new gloves would solve this problem too, but it’s not like that’s an option either.)

Anyway open tag for this one! Feel free to just hop in if you want to

[nintendont2502]

Davesprite as Icarus. Davesprite as the canary in the coal mine. Davesprite as Odysseus. Taps mic. Hello. Is this thing on

[wabblebees]

anyone happen to have that r/Ritalin screenshot handy lmao

[badbitchfiles]

Venting....

I feel so stuck rn.

The plan I had to get out of my low paying job & expand my income fell through, and then my backup plan fell through. My business is making single sales/month, which I'm very happy with bc everyone starts somewhere but baybee the bills are due now lol. Plus I've kind of stalled out on the other business; I have a shitload of stuff designed but it costs money to put it in motion and.....🥴

I'm trying to remind myself that pressure builds diamonds*(which is what I told myself to get through the last time I had a season like this) and that every valley leads to a peak—and it gets really bad right before the peak—but my GOD! How much longer before I hit the peak? This is like the third time I've been through something like this and I'm trying to make this the last mfing time bc this is GHETTO!!! The stress, the anxiety, the confusion, the directionless wandering is for the fucking birds!

I'm between seasons rn, I'm in the middle of a transformation (and headed into—if i haven't already started—my saturn return, not to mention the foolishness that comes with being in between eclipses) and let me tell you the in-between part is NOT fun; the part where the old shit no longer works but you don't know where to even start to develop new shit. And then you look around and everyone else is having fun & living life meanwhile you're in a boat with a hole in it & the flex seal is nowhere to be found 😭 I'm trying to remember that social media is an illusion and even with the rise of "getting paid to be yourself online", most things we see are very much staged, edited and all the other fake things. Part of me wants quick money but then I remember that nothing worthwhile comes quickly and then I'm like "well maybe I need to start losing a couple hours of sleep & put more effort into my businesses" but I know how I function when I'm sleep deprived (which is not at all) and I REFUSE to fall into hustle culture bc that'll lead me right back into the generational trauma that I'm trying to heal from

BUT THENNNNN I'm like "Okay what are you doing differently to ensure that the pattern doesn't repeat again?" And.....I lowkey don't have an answer lol. Yeah I'm writing in my day planner but then I'm not doing the things I write down. I'm not keeping on top of my habits so how am I going to ask for something different when I'm not doing anything to open myself up to something different? I'm spinning my wheels by trying to do too much at one time and I'm looking outside of myself for answers instead of looking within

That being said, here's what I've found out about myself:

One of the first things to be neglected when I'm stressed & burnt out is myself (skincare, meditation, diet, etc)

I run to social media (namely Twitter & tiktok astrologers/tarot readers) for answers instead of looking within & fostering my relationship with my own tarot cards and guides. I've been feeling called to go back to my tarot cards recently too

I've learned that what works for most people probably won't work for me. Idk what it is but my path is to literally go as far away from the cleared path as possible. It's very difficult especially when you're the only one in the family deviating but 🤷🏾‍♀️

I lack patience (wbk it's definitely a fire & air ruled thing lol). It's very hard for me to develop a habit bc I expect immediate results—with the exception of going to the gym bc I genuinely enjoyed that like an alien lmao. I also overthink, get discouraged & talk myself out of changes before I begin bc I focus on the mountain in front of me instead of the stairs that will get me up the mountain in small, incremental steps. Also the best part of doing something is the things you learn along the way and I'm missing out on that

I'll do a separate post on what I want in life rn bc that's been weighing heavily on my mind too

*diamonds are basically worthless & the "value" they do have is through man-made price gouging)

[rudjedet]

Universe definitely did me dirty when it didn't make me a natural brunette

[chickentits]

Kat are you okay? Ringtone by 100gecs? Ringtone Kat? Kat?

listen! “27 missed calls lighting up my cell phone sending you a text saying call you when I get home taking off my work clothes working in a cold one 45 group texts 50 group dms send another text asking me if i seen them pushing back a deadline gotta make my bedtime and i crack a smile cause i love you and i’d do it all again” just hits ok especially “gotta make my bedtime and i crack a smile cause i love you and i’d do it all again” like the inherent romanticism of staying up way too late bc you don’t wanna say goodbye and being happy to do it like this doesn’t gotta be romantic just the inherent love and affection of staying up bc you wanna talk to a specific person it hits ok

[cryptidanaphafsi]

More lore baybee!! Kiku has friends outside of the school, most of them being family friends children. These ladies are (from left to right): Kasumi Aoki,  Yae Nagameru and Akki Rabenda

Explanations under the cut

Kasumi is Kikus only friend from middleschool, they ended up bonding over their taste in fashion and distaste for other students in their class. She’s a bit snobbish and has a small superiority complex, only fueled by her insecurities. Her quirk is kinda complicated. In theory, it’s an octopus quirk, however it manifests in having several hearts and blue blood. She does not like it being mentioned.

Yae is the daughter of someone that works under Kikus parents. They have known eachother for pretty much their whole lives. Out of the group, Yae is the most snarky and logical. She doesn’t really care much for what others (read: adults and guys) think of her and only really does things for others so people stop nagging her.  She can be pretty protective of the few she does care about though Her quirk is slit mouth/kutchisake onna, which is why she wears a mask. Her mouth extends to her ears and she can easily unhinge her jaw.

Akki is actually a twin, but I didnt want to draw her twin brother here since he rarely hangs with the group.  Her father is actually the second in command after Kikus parents, which means that Kiku and Akki are probably the closest out of the group. Akki is a bit rude, all things considered. She and her brother tend to get their kicks out of teasing others, though she tends to do it less. She adores Kiku and has slight abandonment issues, meaning that she will sometimes get upset at Kiku meeting new people.  This however, isn’t a big issue, since Akki tries her hardest to talk it out/make sure it doesn’t make her act stupid. Her quirk is called dream demon and makes it so she can enter peoples dreams/enter a more demonic form when she’s sleep deprived (basically bringing the sleeping world into the waking)

[whorefordazai]

oh em gee heyyuh segc thing 😏💋 congrats once again on the milestone sweetie 😘👏🏻 can I get uhh one match up with a guy joo-say-oh? *why do I think I know who you'll give 🤔*

my pronouns are she/her, no zodiac cause I don't believe in those 🥲 i have shoulder-blade length black hair with flat bangs (imagine Yosano but uglier) and am 5"2 (157 cm to he exact) rip

Hobbies include analysing so many things (I'm pretty sure I'm slightly decent at recognising people's qualities), writing, reading, and drawing. I'm a musician but it's ages since I've played. I love talking with my baes too! Youll immediately know I like you if I keep pestering you lol. Oh and you know who my kins are bae 😚🍀💗

My love languages are (as the recipient) Acts of Service and Quality Time and I also love giving Words of Affirmation to my babies ☺ Lifting their confidence is literally one of my favourite things to do and I'm a super ride or die person. I literally squared up to defend my friends several times 🤪

My aesthetic is all over the place 🤧 Is it light academia? Is it street style? Is it soft? I have no idea. I like cute stuffs tho, like those kinds of pretty Korean outfits. Fave colours are uh lilac or tosca or soft brown

My dream date is to visit a theatre/orchestra and book stores oh my god. Those calming stuffs like that 👉🏻👈🏻

I hope I make sense 🥲 And I hope this isn't too much? Uwhduwus im so sorryyyy if it is 😢❤ Once again congrah too lay sheons baybee 🤪🎊

I match you with...(you already know so lemme make this fun for both of us 🥲)

Sakunosuke Oda! ´ˎ˗

(surprise shawty 🥲🎉)

👾 oda doesn’t befriend many people, so I feel like you guys would be friends before lovers. you mentioned you can understand people pretty fast, so if you confront him about himself, he’ll probably be standing there like “damn, woman 👴🏻.” he’ll probably be reluctant to tell you he’s into writing stories (he’s a little shy okay) but once he realizes you’re also into writing stories, he’ll low key be so excited to talk to you about it (he won’t outright show his excitement tho) the least he’ll say is “oh? oh that’s nice🙂🤝” don’t be fooled, he’s jumping on the inside.

👾 you might pester him a lot, and he might not give much of a reaction but really, he’s super glad that you haven’t become bored of him and his rock personality 😚 I feel like his love language is also quality time, seeing as though he works in the mafia and doesn’t get much free time. the time you guys spend together is probably at book stores or definitely with the orphans.

👾 this man is kinda touch deprived okay🧍‍♂️he didn’t realize how much cuddling he needed until he saw you in a pretty comprising position where the orphans where sleeping with you, all cuddled up by your body. mans almost dropped his grocery bags and just stood there like “🧍‍♂️💗” he thought to himself “I must obtain this thing humans call...cuddling🧍‍♂️”

👾 lemme sayyy—oda isn’t one to talk about his feelings, not because he thinks they aren’t important—more like he doesn’t wanna bother you with them. so your love language being words of affirmation and boosting confidence is perfect for him ☺️ you always notice when he’s feeling a little glum, so just grab his cheeks, place a big kiss on his nose and assure him that he’s the best man anyone could ever ask for 🥰

SONGS ´ˎ˗

- come a little closer | cage the elephant

- young and beautiful | lana del ray

- carolina | harry styles

- yellow | coldplay

- runaway | aurora

MESSY LAYOUT ´ˎ˗

[100sunny]

WELCOME BACK TO SLEEP-DEPRIVED LOSER ASKS 100SUNNY QUESTIONS!! THIS TIME, TO CELEBRATE UHHH. ME LOSING MY WILL TO LIVE! WE WILL HAVE 4 QUESTIONS!! WOOOOO. 1, We all have a go-to fanfic tag. what is that tag? excluded tags count too, (I,E if u always exclude major character death - me - ) 2, we all have a character that we’d marry if they were real. any fandom goes. who is it? 3, what’s ur opinion… on bi Mineta 🤢🤢🤢 4, are you excited for the acnh direct - 🥫

1. Hurt/comfort and found family baybee, as for excluded it’s just usual gross stuff 2. ;) 3. Awful but hilarious honestly 4. I stare longingly at what I can’t have 😔

[mashpotatoe]

Tweek?

fav thing: HE IS SUNSHINE SHAPED... hes such a king for having the courage to be stubborn and still manage to go out and enjoy things despite constant paranoia !!! hes a talented gifted little man with strong moral compass and we must appreciate him for that

least fav thing: the fact that he only wears one layer in south park weather. you are not immune to cold sir

brotp: catg baybee his hang out squad his buddies got his back and ready to help and or rip on each other at any given moment :] + the girls theyd be up for spending some quality time together OH N... i feel like they wud get along with kenneth well

otp: CRAIGORY X TWEEDLEDEE <333 yo quick shout out to creek for inventing romance its been said before but they are just too good for south park. they are beyond a show with talking shit they belong in a museum

notp: tweek x gurl. i dunot like tweekovan taht much.....

random hc: hes sleep deprived and prone to forgetfulness yet does not use ribbons to remember stuff... instead he just draws on his arm a clear enough interpretation of whatever he wants to remember ALSO HE USES EMOTICONS :-) ONLY AND CALLS THEM SMILIES

unpopular opinion: old tweek voice divine

song: strawberry fields by da beebles /looks directly @ certain person/

not doing fav pic anymoe too specific...

[hxseok-honee]

peach also incredibly sleep deprive?? And talking in third person?? Peach will be back to full chaos capacity tomorrow just need a nap?? Thinks

okay go to bed baybee thank you

[brachylagus-fandom]

Multiples of five for the meta asks!

Ooh, that’s a nice hearty chunk!

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

That’s a tricky one; I tend to be drawn more towards worldbuilding ideas than characters. For H.I.V.E., I probably relate most to Laura (it’s that trauma, baybee!); Honor’s anxieties and relationship with her gender also strike a chord with me. For 39 Clues, I relate to both Amy and Sinead for similar reasons (though I loathe the twist in CvV).

Weirdly (given my current project is centered around him), I don’t particularly care about Kazakov in canon; he’s kinda just there.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

Erratic! I forget projects for months if not years on end and then churn out 5K for them over the course of a long weekend.

Most of my ideas come to me late at night when I’m sleep deprived, and then I try to make those weird ideas a reality.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Summaries, definitely. I come up with titles pretty early on (and have been known to start things just for the chance to use a particularly poignant/pretentious one), and my tagging is pretty bare bones, but writing a good summary with a good hook is almost always a struggle.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Five from different fics:

Beckmann from Rewind (Back to Their Trenches) is named after the main character in Draussen vor der Tur, a German play I read the year i started working on it. The most notable things she took from him are the thick glasses, code name (Andere, another character in the play), and that she’s coming back to the Lucians. She’s been away a long time. Perhaps too long. Collins is Chrissy Collins’ uncle; I made him up because she’s a very fun website/card-only character (and there aren’t that many Lucian agents).

Exaggerations of Necessary and Virtuous Functions was/is going to have Harry fall off his broom during his first match since Snape can’t save him. HOPE’s crusade and the manhunt were also going to be quasi-merged, so Nero’s first proper interaction with the magical world was the confrontation in the Shrieking Shack, which goes rather differently since Mary knows Andromeda believes Sirius is innocent. And the effects of Harry’s magic on the computer in Otto’s head (foreshadowed by the migraines) may have had lasting damage on it.

There’s a shifter romance gag in Charlie Weasley and the Sneaking Suspicion that I don’t think anyone noticed.

Not technically something I came up with for A Bit of a Mind Flip, but a fun fact I learned while writing it (specifically bowdlerizing the lyrics) was that Kidz Bop has a cover of the Time Warp, and they replace “but it’s the pelvic thrust“ with “the way you shake it“.

Foxface’s backstory in The Girls Who Died is recycled from a project that didn’t pan out I wrote a couple years before the rest of the idea came together (which was the year before this fic actually got published; I had about half of it writted during the previous wbex and waited to see if devilchicken would have the prompt again). The premise behind said backstory also pops up in my 39 Clues/Hunger Game fusion that is stuck at training.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

I really enjoy when a plot gels together for the first time - when a project is born out of a (generally sleep-deprived) idea.

And, as always, thanks for asking!

[dramaphan]

Dramaphan. From getting accused of being a phanti to being controlling the hills. We love this glow up.

It’s the sleep deprivation and caffeine baybee! I’m accessing parts of my mind I don’t usually have the code for!

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

I spent all fucking weekend working on the final really-better-get-there-by-Christmas Etsy commission and I still stayed up past midnight last night and shelled out $30 for FedEx to get it there on time, which I don’t plan to ask the buyer to pay because, I mean, they should’ve originally contacted me more than a month before Christmas but I was the idiot who agreed to do it and then could’ve gotten started at least a few days sooner, probably

so the other fun thing about that is, after the cost of parts and shipping, I’m going to end up with maybe $10 for my literal hours of work and multiple days of sleep deprivation from staying up late with Etsy stuff, and for various reasons I can probably chalk this up to the ADHD tax but it still sucks considering it’s Christmas and there are so many other things I’d rather be doing than killing my neck and back hunching over a bunch of paint and a Funko figure, especially when I was doing it practically for free

and also I’m like...dizzy-tired, and doubly annoyed that I didn’t really get to do anything for my birthday because I was too busy with Etsy stuff

BUT this also means I’m finally done with the really urgent Etsy orders, which means I actually can get to bed at a decent time tonight and also do anything else, which is great because, again, I still have a million other things I either need or want to do

HOWEVER, THE SEQUEL TO BUT, I am apparently only capable of feeling urgency--or, at any rate, the type of urgency that gets me to do things instead of just going “nah, I have more time, I can do it later”--when I’m so hard up against a deadline that I know for a fact I can’t do anything else, which conveniently is also the only time I’m able to tell quickly and easily which thing I should be prioritizing! otherwise it’s DECISION PARALYSIS TIME AGAIN BAYBEE! so now I’m finally done with the screamingly urgent tasks, and I would like to do nothing or maybe actually use some of my current Xbox Game Pass time, but there are still loads of things I need to do, like:

wrap gifts, especially anything for my sister and her family because she’ll be in town tomorrow so we kind of have to give them then (this also potentially involves making a few more things tonight, hahaha fml)

wrap and mail gifts for out-of-town people, although at this point anything I send is for sure going to be late

arrange the last couple gifts on my list that don’t involve ordering things

clean up the general mess of craft stuff that wasn’t great already but is now very bad

finish the rest of my 25 postcards to Georgia voters, which were supposed to be sent by Dec. 15 WHOOPS SORRY

actually put my ornaments on the tree, it’s up (and pre-lit, thankfully) but it’s pretty sparse

contact the local mutual aid network because they’re probably still looking for toys and I haven’t heard anything back since replying to something on Facebook

start working on the other two Etsy orders due soon (in a perfect world these would’ve been done for Christmas too, but I told the buyers upfront that it was highly unlikely)

install my new hard drive!!! so I can actually install games and do shit with my computer again!!! because somehow my SSD is down to like 16 GB of free space!! and also I need to do this to figure out whether I can get anything off my dead drive

reapply thermal paste so I can maybe stop cringing so hard whenever my fans get loud

play a few remaining Flash games (or request them on Flashpoint) before they disappear

finish my Yuletide fic--I defaulted a couple days before the deadline because I realized I absolutely did not have time for everything I was trying to do and defaulting would be better for everyone, so at this point I would really like to get something up by the fic-reveal deadline but it’s not actually necessary

work on other fic, for that matter, because it’s been fucking months and that sucks

buuuut aside from wrapping gifts (which is frustrating in its own right because a couple things aren’t here yet) and doing those postcards, most of this stuff is not screamingly urgent enough to feel self-evidently urgent, which means it’s all just part of my constant self-replenishing to-do list, which means I think about the things I need to do and I get overwhelmed again!!

[malafight]

Long-Ass Life Update (I’m not dead!)

Finally a life update now that I’m back home. It’s been a painful and tiring couple of weeks :’) And actually some of the days/times might be off because I was like super fucking out of it for most of that time period.

Anyhow, I went to the ER on Friday the 1st after 3 days of severe stomach pain, and the local hospital is like notoriously shitty but I was in horrible pain ok

They actually took me seriously for once, took me back immediately, ekg, ultrasound, blood and piss tests, and told me from the start not to eat or drink anything.

They told me they found gallstones and one or more might be stuck in the bile duct, but they made it sound like it wasnt inflamed and there werent many, so I wasnt super worried? They sent me for an MRI and then told me that they didnt have the capability to get out any stones, so they sent my ass an hour away via ambulance to a much better hospital so they could do the probe thing they needed to. It took until Saturday night to get a room there, though, and they didnt know when I’d get there and since they figured theyd want to do the probe ASAP, I was kept completely without eating or drinking for all of Friday night and Saturday, after not eating more than a few bites of muffin on Friday and next to nothing Thursday either because Everything Hurt.

Also, Fentanyl is fucking magic. Thats the only thing that even vaguely touched the pain.

So anyhow, I get to the other hospital at fuck o’clock at night and God Damn Staved because, like I said, bitches gave me No Fucking Food for an entire day (I’m not kidding that hospital is horrible and has a horrible reputation for ending up with killing people or making situations worse but the next nearest hospitals are an hour away in different directions and I don’t often have anyone willing to drive me that far and I often don’t feel up to driving myself that far if I’m already at “need to go to the ER, fuck the money I don’t have” point, and Saer has only just gotten into the USA and the last time they came with me to the ER they ended up with a virus for like three weeks and I wasn’t gonna do that to them again!!) and finally when I got to that hospital they were like “yeah we won’t be able to do the probe until Monday so eat something and then tomorrow you’re on a liquid diet and then nothing by mouth after midnight” so they scrounged me up some chicken broth and orange juice at like ten o’clock at night and gave me Those Good Good Meds and I slept in a decent hospital bed instead of on a fucking ER bed like Friday night (since they were transferring me at the local hospital they didn’t admit me and I slept in the ER. yeah. i hurt too badly to sleep on my side even with pain meds, and I slept on an ER bed. I had to sleep all day Saturday on and off just to get vaguely rested, but honestly? this whole ordeal has been an adventure in sleep deprivation despite heavy sedatives)

Monday rolls around and they take me for the ERCP (iirc thats what it was) where they put a thing down my throat and cut the bile duct wider so the stone could pass, get that bitch cleared up, all is well. I was heavily sedated and remember none of it, just waking up with different pain in my stomach and the world’s worst sore throat.

I was on a liquid diet from that and until the extraction on Wednesday. I have drank my weight in broth and orange juice.

Wednesday they take me in to remove my gallbladder. It was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure, nip it out, pull it, I go home in a couple days with a couple small cuts on my belly. My dad (and several other people) reassured me that it was routine and quick, and is an easy procedure that should take 2 hours at most. I told him, “Listen, with me, literally nothing is ever easy and you know that”

Fast forward to me waking up and my first thought is “is that a catheter? guess it didnt go so easy after all.” I’m pretty sure the first words I said as I woke up were “told you it wouldnt be easy” lmao

Remember how hospital #1 told me that my gallbladder wasn’t inflamed and there were only a couple gallstones?

It was chock goddamn full of gallstones and so inflamed that when they tried to get it out laparoscopically, it tore. He spent an hour trying to get it out that way safely before realizing that his only recourse is to cut me open and get it out that way. The procedure took closer to 5 hours.

I have at least 20 staples in my belly now and I hope I get a cool fuckin scar but shit hurts still. I was in the hospital slowly ramping up to eating solid food again until Friday when I was allowed to go home to Saer. I can’t lift anything more than 20 pounds for another like month, and my range of motion is a fraction of what it was before. I’m so easily exhausted now and i can barely do anything and it’s really fucking pathetic??? and every time I bring that up Saer is like “they TOOK your ORGAN” so

(its really sad that i’m so conditioned that If I’m Not Doing Everything I Can All The Time Then I’m Not Trying Hard Enough that even after having full surgery to remove an organ I’m like NO I CAN DO THE THING and then end up hurting myself s-sobs)

(we watched the episode of b99 today where gina comes back after getting hit by a bus and when she tried to dance while still in the halo saer pointed at her and was like “it u” and i was like “exCUSE” but like, tru)

anyhow, im home, and i have my wife with me, and saer is such a blessing right now because i cannot do SHIT and they need to help me off the couch sometimes if my dumb ass gets in a position with no leverage, and also ive already fallen off the couch like twice because i was like NO I GOT IT and saer was across the room like BEB NO U DONT and yeah im stubborn and stupid ok saer is saving me from myself for the most part

also also the app i drive for is shutting down in my city at the start of december hhhhh so now i also have to fuckin... find a job like this and uGH do not WANT ffff

but yeah thats something even my parents have okayed me holding off on until I’m better so if even my fuckin parents are like “pls chill???” yall know im fucked up

however i’m mostly weaned off opiod pain meds now and am only using them at night when it’s worse and hard to sleep, tylenol tends to take care of it well enough now. my range of motion is improving, too, but i am just still so easily tired that its frustrating. we went grocery shopping yesterday and even in the little motor scooter i was completely worn out by the end of it.

but im alive! all is well! i will continue improving! sorry for being so quiet during this but like I said, i’ve been some level of sedated for most of this event. not fully sedated except for the two procedures, but fentanyl and dilautin (ok i have no idea what it actually is and google isnt helping but i had a button for it) and then morphine and hydrocodone on top of not getting restful sleep At All due to pain, discomfort, and people coming in every hour for vitals checks... I was fuckin Gone i got fuckall done rip

however once my pain-induced blood pressure spike was lowered (i saw them take it at the ER and it was fuckin RED) everyone was like “...you have really good blood pressure??” like i’m pretty sure i have low blood pressure naturally and my size/genetics gives me high blood pressure and they kinda cancel each other out, but yeah. pretty cool.

my family kept swinging between “IF YOURE IN THAT MUCH PAIN FOR 24 HOURS YOU GO TO THE ER. YOU DO NOT WAIT THREE DAYS.” and “...jesus christ you have a high pain tolerance”

//throws the horns thats what chronic pain does to ya baybee

my mom especially was impressed because she was just like “you’re so calm talking to them about how much it hurts how are you doing that” and im just like “its literally wasted energy to freak out and i hurt too badly to move so im just gonna sit here and tell them im a ten and hope they take pity on me because i have no other options”

anyhow fun new experience and im pretty sure ive broken my brother’s hospitalization record and also pretty sure i’ve got enough medical debt on me now that i can literally file for bankruptcy so

also i can feel a void near my ribs and it is so bizarre yall fuckin organs need to close the gap asap bc this shit weird as hell

[vesuvianvienna]

Friday, March, November! ~~arcana-dumpsterfire

HEY BAYBEE!!!

Friday: Most self-indulgent fic you’ve ever posted?

Back on my first blog, I wrote a piece called “Dean Winchester Meets a Fan” that was literally me (not a character based off of me, literally ME in fic form) hugging Dean Winchester and telling him he’s doing a good job. 

In my defense, I had just finished season three and I was emotionally compromised.

March: Do you listen to music while writing?

Yes, if I can. As long as there’s no human voices, I can listen to about anything, but I prefer piano music to write by. My favorite artist to write to is Brian Crane (go check him out on Spotify, he’s amazing.)

November: Do you have any rituals or requirements for getting in the mood for writing?

Not really? I can write just about anywhere at any time, provided again that I can’t hear human voices. I do my best writing when I’m a little sleep-deprived though, so if it’s something I feel I really have to knock out of the park, I’ll take all my shit to an IHOP and just camp out in there overnight. 

Thank you boo!!!!