#so I set my alarm for 8:45 cause I took a nap

[jjungkookislife]

you’d think after almost 5 years I’d get the time difference right 😩

[erotiqueb]

Can you afford being healthy?

So let’s say my goal is to have optimal health, both physical and mental, what should I do? Off the top of my head I’m thinking gym, organic food, green smoothies, psychotherapy, social life, maybe supplements. All of which sound very expensive compared to staying at home watching TV and eating corndogs. So for a long time, I thought I couldn’t afford taking care of my health. But then I had to, so I got creative.

Health is an investment

The first thing to keep in mind is that taking care of your health now will save you money (and trouble) in the future. Being sick is expensive: medication, hospital bills, missing work, etc. I try to remember that every time time I want to go for McDonalds instead of.. anything else really.. to save a buck.

Time to hang out with friends

Taking care of your mental health also means having a social life and leisure. What do you need for that? Time. Why don’t you have enough time? Mostly because of work. Why do you have to work so much? Because life is so fucking expensive. So my logic is: if I need less things, and if I spend less on things I have to buy, that means more time for me. I’ll summarize this in two words: thrift stores and simplicity.

First, go for simplicity

Try to buy less stuff and when you want to buy, ask yourself if you really need it, that’s basic. To avoid feeling in a place of scarcity and lack, think of something you really do want, and make it your goal, your reward. So instead of thinking “I shouldn’t buy this, I don’t absolutely need it. That sucks, I can’t have anything nice

” You could shift that to: “If I don’t buy this dress that I probably wouldn’t wear much, it means I’m $45 closer my trip to Bali :D”. Consistently doing this keep you exited about your goal because, how often do we want to buy things we don’t really need? That’s right, you’ll have your reward in mind very often.

Simplicity in your products

I think that a good first step to take towards health is eliminate toxicity. To do that, what often makes sense is to simplify: go for foods that have the less ingredients, or that are totally unprocessed. Same goes for cosmetics. Look for products that only contain a few ingredients that you can recognize, or if you’re so inclined, you can even make them yourself, thus, saving more money. So, weather it goes on your body or in your body, a healthy and cost effective solution is to buy ingredients in bulk and start cooking.

Save on food and reduce food waste with apps

Get this: you install an app on your phone (Flashfood is one but I’m sure there are a couple others), and it shows you products that are close to expiration date that groceries near you are selling at a discounted price. I can’t stand seeing food go to waste, and my cheap ass just loves save 50%, so this concept really is pure gold for me. These apps allow me to have access to meat that I couldn’t normally afford, which allows me to pursue my quest for the best diet for my body (I used to be a vegan, I’m now on an API diet, what’s next?!). You can find vegetables, bakery, seafood, anything. I’d say I buy 80% of my groceries through these apps now. Buying in bulk and cooking? Well that is possible with the apps. Having a truck load of bell peppers will sure spark your creativity, as you have to use them before they go bad.

Freeze food

That brings us to the freezer. If you can get a second-hand freezer (I suppose some models consume less electricity, you might want to look for these), that might be the best investment you make this year. Because if you’re half as obsessed as I am about health and simplicity, there’s just not enough room in your standard freezer for all that healthy food you’ll buy at a 50% discount. See where this is going? Buy basic ingredients in bulk, cook huge batches, freeze portions. You saved time and money and you get to eat as healthy as you want to.

DIY your skin and hair products

You’re lucky there is a big trend on DIY products right now, so recipes are easy to find for pretty much everything you want to make. There are some ingredients that have multiple uses, like castille soap or baking soda for instance, so these are a good choice for a starter kit. I tried making solid shampoo and I must say it’s very satisfying to successfully wash your hair with a shampoo you made with your own two hands! And to know you’re not sending chemicals in the water, and in your scalp. And not buying another plastic bottle. And throwing it away when empty. The shampoo bar cost approximately $7 and will last for.. I dunno like ten million showers. I also make my own face serum with two ingredients: jojoba oil and tea tree. Speaking of oil (sweet almond in this case), it’s the best and cheapest makeup remover, period. I used to buy very expensive natural face care products but I was frustrated that there was no visible improvement of my skin. I wanted to test them on half my face for a couple months to demonstrate how ineffective they actually were but I never had the required discipline. If you don’t see noticeable improvement in your face after using a product for a while, stop buying that shit and just rub your face with oil. Because the one you’re buying probably contains mostly oil anyway and the rest of the fancy ingredients are probably in traces amount and completely useless. And don’t even get me started on the non-natural products. Ew.

Get rid of plastic

They say (the same “they” I always talk about when I don’t have sources) that if you store food in plastic containers of drink out of plastic bottles, plastic gets in your body and can cause health problems, hormone imbalance and whatnot. A good alternative are glass containers. The tupperware style with lids can be pricey if you buy them new, so the strategy here is: no stress, buy just a couple at a time when you find them at the salvation army and gradually eliminate the plastic ones. When I say eliminate I mean re-purpose or give to good will. As good hippies, let’s try to produce less waste! There’s also the very trendy mason jar, so practical to store food and – Pinterest shows us every day – anything you can think of.

Drink the best possible water

I’ve heard that tap water contains traces of birth control pills, antidepressants, antibiotics, etc. I don’t have the expertise to know if it’s true but it did scare me. I’m the kind of hippie that will avoid taking a small innocent ibuprofen if I can. I don’t want drugs in my body, unless it’s going to be fun and psychedelic. I certainly have a lack of scientific evidence about traces of drugs in the city’s water supply but my nose and taste buds tell me that chlorine isn’t something I should drink. There’s also fluoride in the water, that is arguably bad for you. These are the reasons I decided to stop drinking tap water. What are the alternatives? I had a Brita but it doesn’t eliminate much of the bad stuff. Plus, it’s made of plastic. The high quality water filters are just ridiculously expensive so my only option was to buy bottled water. Not small bottles, the big ones that are reused when you bring them back to the store. It felt weird to buy water when there’s plenty in the tap but, my god, does it taste better. And I’ve read it hydrates you better too. Hydration is a key component of health, that’s for sure, so if you can’t afford to buy water, still, drink a liter a day, you’ll be healthier than if you let yourself dry like a raisin. I hesitated to make that water bottle move for a bit because I thought I needed to buy a water dispenser, but it turns out I don’t need it at all. I just leave the bottle on the counter and I got used really quickly to flip that giant heavy thing. Now I can pour myself a shot glass of water without spilling a drop. No need to buy a machine. Also, it’s best to drink it at room temperature, and it’s empty within a week of two so I figure it doesn’t have time to grow bacteria, or algae or whatever happens to water when you let it sit.

Sleeping is free

We underestimate the role that sleep has to play in our health so we often neglect it, but a good sleep hygiene can make a huge difference in your energy level, I’ve experienced it. I was always tired, couldn’t get through the day without a nap, couldn’t concentrate, I was unable to get up in the morning. Then a doctor prescribed that I take melatonin every night at 6 pm for two weeks, go to bed at 10, wake up at 7 and blast a light therapy lamp in my face for half an hour every morning. I did that and guess what? It. Worked. I didn’t follow the exact hours he prescribed and I’m not sure the melatonin had a good effect on me so I only took it for a couple days. So I think what does the trick is consistently waking up at the same time each morning, regardless of what time you go to bed. Occasionally I get only four hours of sleep and usually the next day I’d be unable to function. Now that I wake up at regular hours, I can go through the day and have so much energy that I even forget I got only 4 hours of sleep. A phrase he said about staying in bed later to catch up on you sleep stuck with me: it’s too hard for the system. It had not occurred to me that it could be difficult for the body to change its sleep schedule. I thought “as long as I get 8 hours I’m fine” or even “the more sleep the better, I’ll sleep 12 hours today”. So if you happen to have sleep problems, irregular sleep pattern or fatigue, set an alarm and get some light in the morning, see what happens. Hopefully your body will adjust to the schedule and you won’t need the alarm after a week, and your mornings will be less painful. Another thing I didn’t take seriously was avoiding blue light in the evening. But it turns out it’s serious, it really does mess with your natural sleep hormones. So I installed f.lux on all my screens. It’s an app that will cut the blue light out of your screen according to the time of day. My screen is yellow right now because I’m too silly to go to bed at a normal time, I prefer to write a blog post. I used to binge watch TV on my computer very late in the night and not feel tired. I realized after installing the app that it was the blue light that was keeping me up. Now I watch an episode and start to yawn, so that’s a good thing, less TV.

Meditation is free

According to every damn article I read or podcast I listen to, meditation is one of the healthiest thing you can do. Good news: all you have to do is sit there and breathe. Now that, you can afford. No time? A minute a day is still better than nothing. If you need a little help to begin, there are tons of free apps you can install. I use Breathe and Calm, which also has some nice sleep stories.

Functional training

Exercising at home requires more discipline, at least in my experience, but if you can pull it off, it means more money in your pocket. You don’t necessarily need those machines to have an effective workout. The weight of your body will do. Remember those good old push ups? Yep. YouTube will help you find some exercises ideas for what part of your body you want to work out. Weights can be found easily at thrift stores. Elastic bands offer multiple possibilities and are not too expensive. Cardio is important too so if running outside isn’t an option, because breathing smog will annihilate any benefits of working out, for instance, maybe look for a stationary bike in the ads.

You can still party

Even if you’ve decided that for health reasons, alcohol, sugar and carbs are to avoid, you can still allow yourself to have them every once in a while. Just don’t binge, and limit the damage. For example, I drink on rare but meaningful occasions and I choose low sugar and gluten free drinks like vodka-soda or gin-soda. That’s the protecting my health part, now for the protecting my wallet. Go to the liquor store and find the best value alcohol. Not the will-make-you-go-blind kind of alcohol, because that’s not healthy. Usually a big-ass bottle of average quality vodka will be a good price to quantity ratio, and will give you an occasion to let go of what the cashier thinks of you as a person. Vodka is pretty much tasteless so that leaves you more drinks possibilities. (plus, you can DIY perfume using vodka: avoiding chemicals on your skin and saving $200, yay)! Sugar in food now. It’s always best to choose natural sugars like honey, instead or refined sugar, or use stevia. Man, stevia is the best: it tastes like sugar, but it’s not. It’ll make your food taste sweet and do zero damage. Buy in a giant bottle to save money. Hell, you could even grow your own stevia plant! Let’s go crazy! You can also pour a drop in your vodka. Now that’s starting to look like a party to me! The use of the word honey and saving money just made me think of a fine browser extension you can use for online shopping. It’s called Honey and it can notify you when a product you watch goes on sale. It can also find and apply coupon codes for you. Here’s the only referral link in this article: my link to Honey. So, where were we. Sugar. When I stopped eating sugar, I bought dark unsweetened chocolat in bulk, thinking it would taste like dark 70% chocolate. Oh, was I wrong. It tastes bitter. That’s the only thing you’ll taste in sugar free dark chocolate. But it’s cheap to buy in bulk and I can control what goes into it, so from time to time I like to melt some in a pan, add stevia and eat that with bananas.

Let’s talk! What are your secrets to stay healthy and how do you afford it?

[lousimusician]

Heart Broken

Peter Parker X Reader

Summary: You and Peter have been drifting and you can't handle the secrets anymore.

------

"Seriously, MJ, what should I do?"

"Sorry, did you say something?" MJ asked reading her book, walking beside you.

"Did you seriously not hear a word I just said?" You asked exasperated.

"Yup,"

"Ugh, fine I'm gonna tell you again and please listen this time?"

"Yeah, yeah, drama queen, take it from the top."

"Okay, I'm at a loss, I care about Peter so much, we've been together for a year now but he's always so secretive about everything, he's always leaving unexpectedly, and he's always covered in bruises. I don't know what to do, he won't tell me anything and I'm afraid he might be doing something he shouldn't be doing."

"Confront him about it." MJ said with her head still buried in her book.

"I tried, but whenever I ask where he's been or why he cancels a date he always comes up with some half-assed excuse." You said with a pout as you saw your apartment building come into view.

MJ looked up, "I mean actually confront him, don't just ask where he's been. Ask him why he always shows up with bruises and why he's so secretive."

"But what if he doesn't tell me?"

"Break up with him then."

"W-what? I can't do that!"

MJ shrugged, "You wanted my advice, and you got it. Do with it what you will."

You sighed, "Well thanks, I-I'll think about it, I guess."

"Good, this is you, see you tomorrow." 

"Yeah, bye." You waved to MJ while you entered the apartment building. Your feet felt like weights as you entered your apartment. You greeted your parents, walked into your bedroom, and collapsed on your bed. You were supposed to hang out with Peter later that Friday night for a movie marathon. It would be the first time you hung out in weeks. Of course you wanted to be with him more but for some reason he kept canceling and it was really starting to worry you. Your first thought was that he was cheating on you but you quickly waved that idea away when you kept on seeing him with new bruises constantly and besides Peter was too sweet to cheat.

"Break up with him then"

You'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about doing it before. You reached over for your pillow and covered your head as you felt tears start to build up. You cared about Peter so much, but you were at your breaking point.

It hurt to see him with bruises and cuts all the time, but it hurt more knowing he was keeping it a secret from you. 

Honestly, you weren't sure how much more of this you could take. 

You'd have to talk to him tonight. 

You felt a tear roll down your face, thinking that you may actually have to break up with him if he continued to keep secrets from you. 

Your eyes felt heavy and you drifted off to sleep.

~

You were awoken from your nap by the alarm on your phone ringing. You groaned and shut it off. Glancing at the clock it read 6:00, meaning you had a half hour to get ready for Peter's.

You grabbed your backpack and stuffed some snacks and movies in it before changing into more comfortable clothes. You said good bye to your parents and left the apartment, making your way to Peter's.

'Okay, just calm down, you'll be okay. Peter will see how serious the situation is and he'll tell you everything. There's no way he'll let this stand in between our relationship, right?'

Right?

Before you knew it Peter's apartment came into view and you let out a shaky sigh, mentally preparing yourself for what was about to happen.You walked into the building and stood in front of his apartment door and lightly knocked on it. You were greeted with a smiling Aunt May, in a dress in the middle of putting an earing in.

"Oh, hey honey. Come in."

You smiled, "Hey May, you going out?"

"Yeah, me and a couple of friends are going out. Peter isn't here right now. You know that boy, always busy. And I'm afraid I'm gonna have to leave now, I'm already running late. Hope you don't mind being here by yourself for a little bit."

"Don't worry about me, I'll be okay here on my own. Just have fun tonight."

May smiled, and put on her shoes "Of course, I'll see you later, okay?" May pulled you into a hug and quickly left.

You looked at the time.

6:45

Well that wasn't too bad, you turned on the TV and started to watch whatever was on, anxious for Peter to get back.

7:00

7:43

8:35

You kept glancing at the clock.

'Typical' you thought.

This wasn't exactly helping your mood. You sent him a text, but still after a half hour he didn't respond.

You groaned once it turned 9, and decided to just go home. Turning off the TV, you grabbed your bag and headed for the door when it was suddenly swung open to reveal an out of breath Peter. He closed the door and walked into the living room.

"I-I'm here! (F/N)!" He said in between breaths. He took a second to compose himself before taking a look at you. "U-uh a-are you leaving?" 

"Two and a half hours Peter."

"I-I know, I'm really sorry, but I'm here now"

"Where were you."

"Y'know Stark internship" he said scratching the back of his neck.

You sighed, and looked down, "Peter, we need to talk."

"Is it because I'm late? I know you're upset, I'm really sorry I just forgot."

"Forgot?!" You yelled taking Peter by surprise. You let out a long steady breath, "Peter, this is the 12th time you bailed on me, we haven't done anything in weeks and every time I ask you about it, it's always the same answer. If it's really the Stark internship why are you always getting hurt?"

Peter was clearly at a loss for words, "I-I-I-"

"Peter, please tell me what's going on," you begged, desperation evident in your eyes.

It was silent for a while before Peter spoke up, "I-I- c-can't"

You sat on the couch and held a hurt look that pained Peter to see, "Why?"

"I... I just c-can't."

You looked at the floor and built up the strength to say, "Peter, if...if you don't tell me what's been going on with you...I-I...This..this relationship isn't gonna work" You bit your lip not finding it in you to look at Peter.

"W-what?" Peter whispered.

"You heard me."

"No, no, no, no, please don't." Peter begged, making his way over to you. He sat down in front of you and hugged your waist. "Please, don't leave me."

A choked sob escaped your lips and Peter hugged you tighter. You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his hair, breathing in his scent. Another sob wracked your body and tears started to roll down your face.

"Then...then what am I supposed to do Peter? Sit here and act like everything is okay when something is obviously going on."

"Just please trust me, nothing bad is happening. I'll make more time for you, just please don't leave me." He said as you felt tears start to dampen your shirt.

"That's not how relationships work Peter. Why can't you just tell me what's going on?"

"B-because I can't, I just can't."

 "I'm serious, t-tell me what's g-going on or I'm b-breaking up with you."

"I want to, I-I wanna tell you so bad. But I already said I can't."

Tears rolled down your face harder, "S-so you'd rather break up with me than tell me what's going on?"

"No, no, no, please, Princess, I-I love you" He buried his face into your neck and began sobbing, "I love you so so much, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please, please don't leave me" 

You began sobbing along with him and held him tighter. Running your fingers through his hair. "I-I love you too, b-b-but I-I can't do this a-anymore."

You both sobbed while you held each other. Neither one of you ready to let go, knowing it'll be the last time you'd get to embrace. As time ticked on and both your cries began to die down, you prepared yourself for what was to come next.

"P-peter, you need to let go now."

"If I d-do your just gonna leave."

"I have to"

"No you don't"

"Peter, let go."

"No,"

You sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day, "It's getting late, I p-promised my parents I'd be home by ten" The clock read just after 10.

"I'm not ready to let you go."

"I-I know, but I want you to let me go. Please, just let me go home." 

Peter heard the desperation in your voice and a new set of tears and sobs escaped him. He held tighter for a minute before finally finding the strength to let you go.

"Th-thank you." You stood up and Peter watched helplessly as you grabbed your stuff and made your way to the front door. You stopped and said from the doorway, "If you decide to tell me, I'll give this relationship a second chance. Bye, Peter." You left the apartment and shut the door as you heard Peter cry louder.

~~~

Aunt May said goodbye to her girlfriends and made her way to her apartment where she expected to see her nephew and his girlfriend curled up on the couch asleep together as a movie played in the background. But instead she was met with a very different sight. She entered the apartment which seemed very lifeless, the opposite of what it usually was. She also heard quiet sobs and sniffling which caused her alarm.

She walked towards her nephew's bedroom, which had the door cracked open a bit. She peaked her head in and felt her heart break at the sight of Peter curled up on his bed, in his pajamas, crying with his face buried in one of his girlfriend's sweaters. May gently knocked on the door, causing Peter to glance over at her before burying his head back in the sweater.

"Hey, Pete." She said gently, "Wanna talk about it?"

"She broke up with me." He sniffled.

May sat down on Peter's bed and rubbed his back in soothing circles, "Oh, honey. It'll be okay, do you want me to make you some tea?" 

Peter nodded his head. 

"Okay, I'll be right back and we can talk about it."

Peter nodded his head again as May stood up to go into the kitchen. He nuzzled his face into the sweater as he cried.

[closetspngirl]

Love Heals the Soul (Part 17) - Home

Summary: Jensen finally returns home from Europe

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 1531

Warnings: sad reader, angst on her part if you squint, I don’t think anything else

A/N: I have been wanting to use this gif since I started, but it’s so big! haha. Yes, that’s the only reason why I haven’t yet, because it’s bigger than the others and I’m OCD about stuff like that. But I thought this was a good chapter for it. Feedback is always welcome! Italicized are lyrics, POV thoughts or text conversations; you can tell by the context

You had kept busy at the café, giving your assistant some vacation days, just for the shear purpose that you didn’t want to be home alone, and staying at the café working gave you something to do. It was exhausting, working all of those hours, early mornings mixed with bad sleep, but you didn’t know what else you to do. Your arms were getting worse you noticed, probably due to the stress that you were inadvertently causing yourself by working so much. However, things were still manageable so you pushed the thought of it down, knowing that forgetting about it was just a temporary, and somewhat dangerous, solution.

Friday night finally came and you were lying on the couch watching Supernatural, since you couldn’t have the real Jensen with you. It obviously wasn’t as good as the real deal, you know, being a fictional character stuck in a TV. But being able to at least see and hear the voice of Dean Winchester was better than nothing, if not somewhat calming. You heard your phone buzz on the table in front of you, not realizing the hour.

Hey baby, I know you’re sleeping, but I just wanted to let you know that we’re getting on the plane in London. I’ll be home soon. Love you.

Ok. Have a safe flight. Can’t wait to see you. I really miss you Jen.

Sweetheart, you should be sleeping, what’s up?

Eh. Sleep has been rough lately. Just come home soon. :(

I’m on my way. Try to get some rest for me and I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.

You were a little more relaxed having been able to talk to him, even if it was only for a minute.  Focusing back on whatever trouble Sam and Dean were managing to get into this time, you realized that your body was finally succumbing to the tiredness you’d been feeling all day, all week rather. Remembering what happened the last time you slept on the couch, you moved to your bedroom, put on one of Jensen’s shirts that he had left for you, and crawled in bed drifting off to sleep.

---

Since you weren’t going in to work the next day you didn’t see a need to set an alarm, hoping your body would let you sleep in a little. Well, 6:45 is better than my normal 4:15 I suppose. Dragging yourself out of bed you made a cup of tea and a bowl of cereal for breakfast. In your sleepless nights you had done your week’s chores of cleaning and laundry, so you didn’t really have anything to do today. You decided you were going to try to have a relaxing day and hopefully catch up on some sleep. You watched a few episodes of The Great British Baking Show and then went to take a shower, changing into a new pair of leggings and one of Jensen’s flannels.

You didn’t take to these kinds of days as easily as you had liked. You constantly had the feeling that there was always something to be doing, cleaning, or even that you should be at work. It was usually hard for you to just sit and do nothing. It was only two in the afternoon; Jensen wouldn’t be back in town until at least six. You hadn’t made plans or anything, didn’t even know if he’d stop by when he got back. Grabbing your coat and throwing on a pair of shoes you decided to go for a walk, hoping the cool air would help relax you.

It was nice out, chilly but not uncomfortably so; it felt good getting the cool air in your lungs. There was no place specific in mind that you wanted to go, but you soon found yourself at the park that you and Jensen at been to some time ago. Sitting, you realized that you hadn’t really opened up to him since that day. He hadn’t pressed you, which you appreciated, but you were also wondering if maybe you were slowly pushing him away. Ugh, get out of your head Y/N. You love each other. He understands. But he doesn’t know everything. He needs to know everything, before it gets worse than it already is.

A chill ran down your spine, pulling you out of your thoughts. You headed back to your apartment, ready to curl up on the couch with a blanket. Flipping on Netflix and going back to the episode of Great British Baking Show that you had left off on, you heard your phone buzz again.

Hey. How are you doing?

Meh. How’s the flight?

It’s good. Watched a movie, took a nap. But you didn’t answer my question sweetheart.

You could tell there was concern there; even if it was just a text message.

I’m fine. I think I’m just stuck in my head right now…

Do you want to talk? I still have some time.

Not really. Is that ok?

It’s absolutely fine Y/N. I know when you’re ready you will. And I will be here to listen.

Shortly after, you fell asleep watching as the bakers rushed around trying to finish their bakes, chuckling to yourself whenever Paul would make the contestants nervous.

It was a dreamless sleep, for the most part. You realized at some point that you were dreaming of memories, and not having actual dreams. Everything was as if you were looking in on your life, watching everything happen from the sidelines. You saw the time when your aunt and uncle took you and Jonathan camping when you were 8. He was in boy scouts and he showed you how to build a campfire and roast the perfect s’more.

Then you saw that you were in high school, freshman year, kissing your crush that you had had since grade six, only to see Jonathan walk around the corner. Nothing happened with your crush after that, he was terrified of Jonathan. Looking at it now, you laughed at yourself, seeing how Jonathan pulled the big brother card and scared the boy off, but remembering how you felt in the moment, you were so mad at him. You didn’t talk to him for a week.

Next, you saw yourself walking across the stage to accept your college diploma, your parents and Jonathan in the crowd cheering loudly. In the next moment it was after the ceremony, all of you outside taking pictures, hugging and laughing. Your mom loved candid photos, snapping away while you and Jonathan talked, laughing about some inside joke, that for the life of you, you couldn’t remember. Suddenly you were sad, sad you couldn’t remember what you were talking about.

Sad when you saw him leave on all of his global aide trips, as all of the times you dropped him off at the airport flashed by. Just as quick to appear were the memories of picking him up, throwing your arms around his neck and asking about the children. Now you were standing at the airport dropping Jonathan off for yet another aide trip, to Ecuador this time, for whatever reason you were crying when telling him goodbye, but you weren’t sure why, since this trip was like any other. He laughed, telling you he’d call and email. You hugged him and watched him walk through the door…

You felt a nudge on your shoulder, but it had turned dark where you were, the airport fading away into nothing, you couldn’t see anything. You heard your name but you didn’t know where it was coming from. You could feel and hear the nudge and your name again, this time more firm, like it was getting closer.

“Y/N. Sweetheart,” Jensen said, kneeling in front of you, wiping a tear from your cheek. “Wake up sweetheart, you were dreaming,” he said quietly, running his hand gently over your head. Trying to decipher what was real, you realized, slowly, what was going on. “Jensen?” you managed, sleepily. “I’m here sweetheart.” Not two seconds later were you up with your arms around Jensen’s neck. You didn’t want to, but you were crying gently into his shoulder, trying to hold on to the memories you just left; not exactly the homecoming you were hoping to give him.

“Shh, it’s ok baby,” You heard him whisper, rubbing your back. He readjusted his position so that he could pick you up and sit down on the couch with you in his lap holding you close. Your tears had slowed after a minute or two, leaving you with small sniffles as you kept your head buried in Jensen’s neck.

“Do you want to talk about it? What you saw?” He asked quietly, patiently. “Dreaming about Jonathan, was having a hard time letting go of this one,” you whispered; the two of you sitting in silence for a few more minutes. You sat up, wiping your face, “Ugh, Jen, this is not how I wanted to welcome you home. I’m so sorry.” Now you were just embarrassed. Your boyfriend comes home from being on the other side of the world for three weeks, and you’re in tears when you realize he’s there. Cute, real cute Y/N.

Tags: @maralisa124 @somilotopia @delightfullykrispypeach @steffiemeheus @lizwinchester16 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @mystrie @supernatural-lover-teamfreewill @cats-are-untrustworthy @superromijn @gifsforgomez @sherlock44 @life-through-the-lenss @1233088 @fandomloveyeah @allonsy-yesiwill @amomentintime @justforsavingfics @ocean-waves-that-misbehave @justfloatingthroughtime @hobby27 @musiclovinchic93 @im-super-un-natural @miserys-company23

[myneighborhood-thelake]

Davis Double Century, May 2001

The short of it:

Two hundred miles is a really, really long way to ride a bike.

Ride:         Davis Double Century (http://www.davisbikeclub.org/ddc/2001/index.htm)

When:       Saturday, May 19, 2001.

Route:       Loop course from Davis, through Napa, Solano, Lake and Colusa counties, back to Davis

Distance:   197.6 miles (by my computer)

Time:        16 hours 34 minutes total clock time, 12 hours 35 minutes bike time

Average Speed:       15.7 MPH

Max Speed:        46.5 MPH

Weight Loss:           14 pounds   (195 pre ride, 181 post ride)

This was my first double century, and it was a great and incredibly tough experience. The Davis Bike Club puts on a great ride. It’s very well supported and well marked. Compared to other California doubles, the Davis Double has less climbing and more frequent rest stops which makes it a great first time double, so they say.

That said, it was still 200 miles in the saddle on a very hot day.

Lesson Lived:  Slow and steady.

Lesson ‘I would like to’ Learn: I need to train for these things. With only 157 road miles under my belt in 2001 and about 50 in 2000, this was a big jump in miles.

I started in the dark at 4:50am and finished in the dark at 9:34pm. I always knew that ultra-cyclists were a tough breed, but this gave me some new respect. There is a series in California called the Triple Crown where you have to finish three double centuries in one year. Per the Triple Crown website Davis is listed as a good beginners double century “with only three moderate hills.” If those hills are moderate, then I don’t want to see anything tougher! I salute anyone who has accomplished the Triple Crown. One 200 miler was tough enough for me. Three or more in one year is amazing.

About the course: the first 45 miles are flat, the next 90 are hilly with three tough climbs and the last 65 are supposedly downhill. By the time I hit mile 135 I needed much more than a 1% downgrade to help me along. My cadence had slowed dramatically, and everything was focused on staying hydrated and fueled in order to have the energy to finish. At that point it all felt like an uphill to me. I was very glad that it was downhill, but it just didn’t feel like it.

For the most part I only thought about 2 minutes ahead at all times. I focused on the here and now, and that really helped. The hills were going to come no matter what, so why worry about them?

I only got worried once, around mile 167, when I saw a line of hills in the distance. I could only think, “please, don’t make me try and climb those hills. I won’t make it.” Luckily I was able to forget about the hills because at mile 167 I had the attention span of a gnat. By the time I started worrying I forgot about what was causing me grief. And the road turned before we had to do any severe climbing

The day was very, very hot. The forecast high was for 90deg, but there had to be a couple of sections on the course that got close to triple digits. By the end of the ride both my jersey and shorts had a coating of white on them from all of the salt that I had sweated out. The fluids on the course were Gatorade and water, and I took one Thermotab per hour. I don’t know if the salt tablets actually help or not, but I tend to do much better when I use them.

I did my best to stay within myself and hold a pace that I knew I could handle. I rode the first 100 miles in about 7 hours and 10 minutes and the second 100 in 9 hours and 24 minutes. I took naps at rest stops 5, Lunch (6.5) and 9, and I pulled of the road and took a break several times during the ride.

The only “low” point came at mile 170 when I wanted to keep riding but my legs had absolutely nothing left in them. I took a break by the side of the road, watched a bunch of people go by, ate some Gu, drank a bunch of water and recovered for a while. Other than that I just kept plugging along. It wasn’t pretty, but it was fairly steady, and I got the job done.

The weirdest part of the ride came at Rest Stop #7, mile 133, the top of Resurrection which is the toughest hill on the course. I was sitting on the ground and I noticed that my calves were moving. Both calf muscles were pulsing and twitching all by themselves. They almost looked like a heart pumping away. I have no idea what it meant as I never cramped and they pulsated for the next 4 rest stops and 67 miles, but I made damn sure to keep my fluids and electrolytes intake up. If anyone knows why muscles just start pulsating at will, I would love to hear the answer. It was very disturbing to watch.

After Rest Stop #10, mile 178, I got a bit barn sour and pushed pretty hard to get to the finish line. I just wanted to get it over with. This is probably where I did the most damage to myself as I forgot to drink for almost an hour. For most of the ride I could eat and drink, but at the end I could not even stomach solid food which for me is a major sign of dehydration. The post-ride shower felt incredible even if it was hard to stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time.

I knew that I couldn’t make it home that night, so I found a hotel and passed out cold. I think that the waitress at IHOP was a little shocked when I asked for extra sour cream with my omelet, but I deserved it!! What’s a few grams of fat when you have just lost 14 pounds……..

The long of it:

Goals: - complete as much of the ride as possible - stay within a manageable pace - don’t bonk, or at least don’t bonk hard

I have thought about the Davis Double Century (DDC) for several years now. For some reason it sounded like a good challenge, and after last weekends incredible century, the I Care Classic, I chose to take the plunge. My road miles over the last two years totaled 157 pre-DDC,  and my MTB miles probably ran about 100 or so. I had to reset my computer, so I lost count of my annual total. Basically, by completing the DDC I almost doubled my total mileage for the year.

NOTE: undertraining for a double century is not cool.

I left work at about 4:30pm on Friday to drive up to Davis. I figured that it would take me about 2 hours, but with SF Bay Area traffic I was on the road for 3 solid hours arriving at the check-in at 7:30pm. I had planned well for the drive and did my best to eat and hydrate. The forecasted high for Saturday was 92deg F, and I knew that I would need to be well hydrated.

Check-in took all of about 15 seconds. The Davis Bike Club is extremely well organized. After picking up my registration envelope I drove out to my hotel, checked in, unloaded my gear and turned on the room air-conditioner. It was about 8:15pm and even though the sun was setting it was still very warm. Tomorrow was going to be a challenge.

Time for dinner, and where else to eat but Denny’s? For some reason I was looking forward to the processed hamburger that they call chicken fried steak. My pre-race meal was deep fried battered chicken fried steak and instant mashed potatoes smothered in gravy and a side of peas (soaking in butter). It may not sound like the best choice, but I was going to need the salt and calories in the morning. Plus it tasted pretty darn good.

Saturday morning.

The alarm went off at 3:30am. According to the literature the ride starts from 5:15am to 5:45am, and I want to be there right when we can start. I knew that it was going to be a long, hot day, so I wanted to get a few miles in before the sun comes up. I grabbed a cup of coffee at Denny’s, ate a banana and a Gu, packed up the car and drove the 9 miles to the starting line.

I arrived at the ride HQ, Davis Senior High School, at about 4:35am, and there were people already heading out. It turns that ride morning registration is open from 5:15am to 5:45am, but if you check in the night before you can head out anytime you want. On the course I met a tandem couple who had started out at 4:15am, and after the ride I talked to a volunteer who said that people were riding as early as 3:00am. You can start anytime that you want just make sure to bring lights and remember that the first rest stop (22.9 miles) opens at 5:30am.

Clothing had been a big concern for me. What should I wear? How much extra should I bring? The sun was not even up yet, and I was very comfortable in my sleeveless bike jersey (read: already warm).

Oh man, it’s gonna be hot today, so I chose to go with my sleeveless jersey. I put a pair of arm warmers into a jersey pocket just in case. That would be “just in case” I wanted to carry some extra weight around the course because I wasn’t going to need any cool weather gear today. I hustled to pump up my tires and clip on my lights, and I was rolling at 4:50am.

4:50am – the beginning:

Miles 0 to 2

The first mile or two is through town, and I was grouped up with about 5 other riders. This was OK because they were holding a decent pace, and they had better lights than my cheap Cateye. I don’t like riding in pacelines with people I don’t know, but I relaxed my rule for a little while. Soon we were out into the farmlands.

Miles 2 to 23

The first few turns are well marked and there are volunteers out (even at 5:00am) to waive you in the right direction. I carried a course map with me, but that was more for general info and knowledge of upcoming terrain because I never looked at it for directions.

After about 8 miles I chose to peel off of the paceline, and they dropped me in short order. The sky was getting lighter and the course is really well marked, with volunteers at most of the morning intersections, so I was fine alone.

I did hear talk on the course that there was a major crash (possibly a fatality) in the early morning before rest stop #1. It’s very dark, the pacelines are moving fast and there are some heavily trafficked roads. If you do choose to do this ride, please exercise some caution.

I soon learned the ‘secret’ of the DDC. After several pacelines screamed by me, I started noticing a trend. Very few of the pacelines were led by single riders. At the DDC if you want to make time – get behind a tandem. Over the course of the morning I must have seen 10 or 15 tandems pulling about 30 riders each. By the afternoon, the course hits the hills and the pack break up.

Right at about mile 20 I was cruising along peacefully and it dawned on me that the hardcore folks doing IM California hadn’t even hit the water yet. I made a mental note to watch the time and when 7:00am hit, send out a mental “Good Luck” to everybody pulling a full IronMan today.

Other than that little epiphany, I was content to motor along in my little chainring until rest stop #1.

Rest Stop #1 (which also doubles as Rest Stop #10, but we’ll get to that later…)

I stopped only long enough to pull on my sunglasses. As soon as I started rolling again a semi-truck blew by me. Actually it was a paceline being led out by 4 tandems. Speaking with some riders later it turns out that the lead tandem was hoping to break 9 1/2 hours on the course. I cannot even imagine averaging over 20 MPH on a double century. Wow!

Miles 26 to 40

Rest stop #2 was 19 miles of gradual downhill and 3 miles of climbing ahead. A nice portion of the first 19 miles was on a newly paved farm road with wide shoulders. I was riding South and the sun was just coming up which made for some great roadside shadows. I was able to use the shadows to critique my bike positioning, and I have to say that I didn’t look too bad with a flat back and extended legs. I was looking quite good!

Then again, it was only mile 30…… and speaking of mile 30, it was right around here that the clock hit 7:00am. I sent out my mental “Good Luck” and hoped that it would reach down to San Diego. As silly as it sounds I was more concerned about the people doing IM Cali, especially the Iron-Virgins, than I was about myself. Granted I only had 157 road miles under me in the last two years, but my mental state was already dialed in.

- I had 200 miles to ride (now only 170). - It was going to get very, very hot. - I was totally under-trained.

And, most importantly, there was NOTHING that I could do to change any of those facts!!!

Just ride baby, ‘cause there’s nothing else to do today.

Cruising along a creek just before the climb into rest stop #2 brought a nice chill to the air and more than a few pickups pulling boats out to Lake Berryessa. The road was packed with cyclists, but there didn’t seem to be much of that “pickup versus cyclist” animosity, and that was nice to observe.

The climb into rest stop #2 was a good wakeup. I geared down and pedaled on up mainly because there wasn’t much else to do. It was really early in the ride, and I had no desire to push my pace.

Rest Stop #2, Mile 40

Rest stop #2 was packed. I find it amusing that where the riders are grouped up the most (early morning) there are the fewest porta-potties. The line was easily 50 riders long for the one or two units that were available. I didn’t need the facilities, so I filled my water bottles, grabbed a couple slices of nut bread and headed out. I had a handlebar bag full of Gu which I was planning on eating at least hourly, but for an event of this length I needed some solid food too. I also took a Thermotab (salt tablet).

It may have been early in the day, but I was already sweating profusely.

Miles 40 to 58

The ride from rest stop 2 to rest stop 3 has a big climb called Cardiac Hill. As I pedaled my way to the top I was passed by a couple of guys who wanted to know what my race schedule is for the year. I wish that they had asked that question because I was going so darned fast but it was because my Km40 tri-bike stood out like a sore thumb in the 99.95% roadie crowd. The 0.05% was me….  ;-)

My unscientific study showed only one 650c wheeled bike doing the DDC – mine!

Overall I think that I did fine on my steep-angle frame, but I can’t help but wonder if it would be better to take on distance rides with a more traditional geometry. One of these days perhaps.

Other than that there isn’t much to report for this 18 mile stretch. I just kept those pedals turnin’, drank a bunch of water and ate a Gu. Slow and steady.

Of course I couldn’t miss the fact that the sun was now up, and the temps were rising fast!

Rest stop #3, Mile 58

It’s already getting warm.

Scratch that. It was warm at 5:00am.

It is now starting to get hot!

I grab a couple more slices of nut bread and fill my water bottles. I am feeling a bit tired, but I don’t have any desire to hang out in the rest stop so I move on.

Miles 58 to 75

As I rolled along I looked at my watch and saw that is was about 8:50am. I’ve been riding for about 4 hours now, but more importantly the swim leg of Ironman California is reaching its cutoff time. I again sent out a silent “good luck” to everybody who I hoped would be well onto the bike leg by now.

The ride from rest stop 3 to rest stop 4 is actually pretty fun. There are no major obstacles, and we are rolling along through some great foothills. The only major problem for now is my hands. With my TT bars, there are not too many hand positions to switch around to. I hadn’t felt the fingers on my left hand for most of the morning, so I road right-handed for a while and shook my left hand vigorously. After several minutes I finally get some blood flow back into my left hand.

Fingers are good to have, and I would like to keep mine.

Rest Stop #4, Mile 75

Can you say “hot”?

Can you say “no shade”?

Rest Stop #4 is at the Pope Valley Grange Hall, and it’s rural California at it’s finest – a dirt parking lot with very few trees around. At this point riders are starting to get serious about the heat. Almost everybody is filling water bottles and soaking their heads with the hoses. The water will evaporate quickly, but it sure feels nice for a couple of minutes.

Again I fill up my water bottles, but I don’t grab any solid food at this stop. It’s Gu from rest stop 3 to rest stop 5. I don’t feel like hanging out in the rest stop for long with the lack of shade, so after a minute or two I start riding again.

Miles 75 to 95

There is one hill between rest stop 4 and 5. I make it up OK, but it takes a bit out of me. Somewhere near the 90 mile mark, just past the Guenoc winery, I pull off and down a Gu. I am breathing way too hard to eat, and I am starting to feel weak, so I take a break on the side of the road. I drink, eat the Gu, catch my breath and start rolling again.

It does dawn on me that I have ridden over 90 miles, and I’m still not even to the halfway point of the ride.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady. I just keep making sure that my pedals keep going round and round.

Rest stop #5, Mile 95, Middletown High School

It is almost amusing how different rides can be so completely opposite. On my century last weekend I was hammering at mile 95. Today I can barely feel my legs, and I still have another 100+ to go.

In addition, I am craving solid food, but I know that I cannot eat and ride immediately afterwards. The temperature is way up there, so I decide to make this a long stop.

I eat one and a half peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and three Oreo cookies. I usually try to avoid cookies because of the sugar high, but they looked really good. They tasted good too. After I ate I laid out on a concrete bench for a power nap. I give myself 15 minutes to relax, digest the food and just rest my legs.

It was a bit of an odd scene at the rest stop/high school. There was an “invasion” of multi-colored, lycra clad cyclists eating, drinking and sleeping, and in the school’s gym there was some sort of dance rehearsal going on. There was a constant stream of girls running back and forth from the gym to the coke machine and payphone and back to the gym. All of the young ladies were wearing dancing dresses, complete with sequins, tiaras, etc. I am not sure who looked weirder to whom.

My 15 minute power-nap was most refreshing, but getting my legs back would be tough.

Miles 95 to 105

Although it is only 10 miles between Rest Stop 5 and 6, it is a very tough 10 miles.

OK, in all honesty, it was tough for the first mile as my legs got used to riding again. Then it was fun for the next 6 miles, and then it was Hell for the next 3 miles.

No wind. No shade and a monster climb up through Big Canyon. By now it was full-blown hot! This section was easily pushing the 100degF mark.

The 10 miles still took me about an hour to cover.

For some odd reason, I could not guess the average speed at which I was traveling, but I could precisely estimate the time at which I would arrive at the next rest stop. From rest stop 3 all the way through the end of the ride I would roll out of a rest stop knowing how far I had to ride before my next break. I would then say, “I’ll be there at 2:40pm” and I would arrive exactly on the mark. For some I rode straight through, and for some I stopped several times on the way, but I would always arrive exactly at the mark that I had set.

Big Canyon is the second hardest hill on the course. It would probably be the hardest hill on the course as it is the longest climb, but the hill at mile 125 is much tougher – mainly because nobody wants to climb a hill at mile 125.

….. and now back to Big Canyon.

The entrance into Big Canyon is a deceptive downhill. As I coasted along, getting my cycling legs back, one of my water bottles fell out, or so someone told me later. I had started off with three bottles, and I thought that I could get by with two given the frequency of the rest stops. Also, that bottle had fallen out about three times by now. I was tired of turning around to pick it up, so I let it be.

Had I been aware of the bottle falling I would have stopped. This was my favorite water bottle, a big blue QR bottle that I picked up at the ½ Vineman in 1998, but I was already down the road a ways. There was no way that I was going to backtrack in this heat.

Somewhere along the way I crossed the halfway point. 100 miles down and 100 more to go.

Up I climb into the canyon. It’s hot, and I am moving slowly. I do have my climbing cassette, a 13x26, installed today, but I did not swap out my chainrings. I am riding with a 56/42 front end, and at 7MPH I am grinding out at a cadence of less than 60 RPM’s.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady. Normally, that would have been my mantra, but on a hill like this with my current gearing it’s more like “Grind baby, Grind.”

Did I mention that it is really hot?

Actually it is getting to the “brutally hot” stage as “hot” and “very hot” are no longer adequate adjectives for this temperature.

Surprisingly I was able to catch and pass several people on the climb up Big Canyon. No matter how slow you are there is usually someone who is even slower.

By this time, full strength Gatorade is almost unpalatable, so I stick with water. I drink as the road curves left, and I drink as the road curves right. It’s incredibly hot, and I do not want to get dehydrated. I wish that I could bring in some drama to make this story more interesting, but, in truth, it was a grind, a long grind, a really long and really hot grind.

Almost at the top of Big Canyon I started feeling dizzy, and I had a hard time collecting my thoughts. Luckily there are a few trees around, so I pulled of to the left to take a break, slam a Thermotab and drink some more. An older couple pulls up on a Seven tandem to enjoy a bit of shade. Wow, what a sweet bike! A custom made titanium tandem. We chat for  a couple of seconds then I mount up and head off to rest stop #6.

Rest Stop #6

It turns out that #6 was only about 1/4 mile away, just around a blind right corner. I could have been resting where there was fresh water instead of just on the side of the road, but it didn’t really matter. I really needed that roadside break.

It had only been 10 miles since the last rest stop and I was feeling hammered. Luckily this rest stop had a new food item – watermelon. Sweet and juicy watermelon is as good as it gets. I wolfed down 3 slices, filled up my water bottles, sucked down a Gu and started riding again.

Miles 105 to 114

Did I mention that Rest Stop 6 is NOT at the top of Big Canyon?

Nooooo, there’s still another 2+ miles of uphill to go! Luckily I feel better with my new found love of watermelon and I actually have cool water in my water bottles, so I am content to sit and grind my way to the top.

The next rest stop is the lunch stop, and it is only 9 miles away. On the way up I chat with a guy who is a nursing student and a father and he also rides the Davis Bike Club Brevet series. I am not too sure where he finds the time to get all of that done. A couple of years back he qualified for Paris-Brest-Paris which is way out of my league. My first 200-miler is the only goal for the day. The 750 miles of PBP is not even on my horizon. It is more than a little amusing that he feels compelled to tell me how little he has been able to train this year, only 100 miles per week on average. I chose not to clue him in that having just ONE 100 mile week would have been great for me.

We chatted about components and life until we hit the downhill that comes just after the Top of the DC right at mile 110 or so. I picked up some well earned speed and left him behind.

The downhills in the Davis Double Century are really nice. Good, non-technical turns that you can carry some nice speed through. My Km40 handles like a pig, but I am not even on my brakes once.

The last time that I rode this far was at Ironman Canada in 1998. It’s been three years since I have ridden 112 miles, and I cruise through mile 112 today with a smile on my face!

Rest stop #7, Mile 114 LUNCH!!!!

As I wait in line to make myself a sandwich I start talking with the guy in front of me. It is almost comforting to know that no matter how insane your non-athlete friends may think you are you can always bump into someone who is far more mentally unbalanced than yourself at an event like this.

Last weekend I rode a century – 100 miles. Last weekend the guy in front of me road a double century, and today he is riding another double century. That’s two double centuries in two weekends. Compared to him I feel relatively normal.

Sandwich and Sprite in hand I find some shade underneath a big tree, pull off my shoes and take on whole bite. My stomach rebels at the solid food.

I manage to pack in a couple of bites, but there will be very little solid food for me at this stop. I just can’t eat, so I sip my Sprite and lie down for a little while. The conversations drone on around me:

“How many Death Ride’s have you done?” “This will be my third Triple Crown” (at least 3 200-milers in one year). “Where are riding at next weekend?”

It’s mile 114, and there are people contemplating their next ride. I’m just contemplating some sleep. I pop up at my appointed time, gear up and start riding again. It has not cooled off any over the last 30 minutes or so that I was at the lunch stop.

In fact it has probably gotten just a bit hotter.

86 miles to go.

Miles 114 to 133

The course turns left and crosses over a stream leading into clear lake. Normally one can hope for some cool air near a stream.

Yes, one can hope, but it is not going to happen today.

Mile 115.4, take a left at the entrance to Wal-Mart. How nice, Wal-Mart has invaded the rural town of Clear Lake too.

The hill called Resurrection starts at mile 126, and I wind up pulling a paceline halfway there.

This is ludicrous! I am probably the least trained rider on the course, and people are stupid enough to suck my wheel. Do these guys know anything about me? Why do they trust me so much? No offense intended, but I think that it is pretty stupid to get that close to someone you don’t know. It’s almost worse than tailgating in a car.

I swerve left to let them by and they won’t budge. I swerve right and they follow blindly. Finally I give up and ignore their existence. If they take me down due to stupid riding I am going to be really pissed off. At the base of a short uphill they finally pull away.

POINT OF ETIQUETTE: If you draft off of someone for 5 miles, at least say “Thank You.” It’s not that hard to do considering that someone else has just helped you along – not that I’m bitter…..

And now back to the ride……

This is a monumental point for me. I have never ridden more than 120 miles.

At the base of another exposed, treeless hill I switch my computer from speed to distance to see when I break my personal distance record.

120 MILES !!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering uncharted waters. Only these waters are hot and steep not dark and deep. I slowly make my way to the top of the hill. The downhill onto Resurrection is a blast. I max out at 46.3 MPH without even trying, but that all comes to an end at the base of Resurrection.

From the elevation chart it looks like Resurrection climbs about 1000 feet in about 4 miles which only averages out to a 5% grade. In spots it is probably steeper, but let’s take a little quiz.

What is more fun than climbing a 5% grade?     Climbing a 5% grade that comes at mile 125!

What’s better than that?      Throw in temps that are well above 95degF and probably pushing 100degF.

What’s even better than that?      Why yes, a headwind is just the thing!

I would like to say that I felt miserable, but I wasn’t feeling very much at all. I couldn’t feel my left hand, and my legs were just plain tired. I keep promising myself that if I saw a shade tree then I was going to stop and rest. After I pass a couple of trees I finally stop where another guy has taken refuge.

Soon a sag wagon comes along. It turns out that the other guy is toast – he’s heading in. I get some cold water from the sag and sit down for a break. A couple more riders pull in too. Soon I am back on the road, going uphill. After a few minutes my water bottles have been sun baked and I’m drinking warm water again.

Has anyone noticed that “uphill” is a common theme here?

I stop again a few miles down the road. Only this time I stop next to the guy who is riding the beach cruiser. That’s not too good for the ego – here I am on my multi-thousand dollar ultra light racing bike, and lo and behold, some guy on a beach cruiser is keeping pace with me. Ouch.

In all honesty, it didn’t really bother me at all. We were both out here for our own reasons, and it was incredibly impressive to see this guy hammering along on a 35+ pound 5-speed.

Rest Stop #7, Mile 133, almost the top of Resurrection

I dropped my bike, grabbed my water bottles and lined up for a refill. The line was at least 25 riders deep, and I was not looking forward to the wait. One of the young volunteers is asking each person if they would like her to fill their bottles for them and most declined.

I may be insane, but I am not stupid.

“Yes please, one bottle with water and one with ½ Gatorade, ½ water.”

If she is willing to let me sit down while she fills my bottles then I am more than willing to let her. I grab some watermelon and a coke while my water bottles are filled for me. That’s really nice!!!

There are no trees at this highway pullout, so I find a spot underneath an umbrella and sit my butt down. At this point I took a look at my legs. My calves had taken on a life of their own. I was not moving, but my calves were. They were pulsing and twitching almost like a heart muscle. I wasn’t cramping and they were not in pain, but that was the first time that I have ever seen any of my muscles moving of their own accord.

After a few short minutes I realized that it was too hot to get much relief, so I saddled up and hit the road, pulsating calf muscles and all.

Miles 133 to 147

After a miniscule rise to the top of Resurrection, it’s all downhill to Rest Stop #8.

That’s not totally true.

From the profile map, it looks like it’s completely downhill, but there are a couple of flat sections thrown in. After climbing Resurrection and Big Canyon it’s really nice to get in a gravity assisted ride.

I was basically alone for this 14 miles, and it was awesome. I was actually able to catch one other rider, but other than that it was just me on a two-lane country road. I was able to hit my big chainring for a few miles of what one could almost call “hammering” (if you wish to be charitable). I wasn’t riding fast, but I felt pretty good. And it is awfully nice to feel just a little good when one is over 130 miles into a ride.

Unfortunately this feeling didn’t last too long. About a mile away from Rest Stop #8 I could feel the energy draining from my legs. I hadn’t overtaxed myself in the last few miles even though I had been riding a bit faster than before. Then again, this was mile 147, and I had been out here for over 12 hours by now. Loosing a little bit of steam was just to be expected. I often find it amazing that the highs and lows during a long event came occur almost simultaneously. One second I was feeling like a million bucks, and the next second I was struggling to keep the pedals turning.

Mile 147 Rest Stop #8

By this time I was sitting down at every rest stop, if only for a few minutes. This one even had chairs and the shade of a big old oak tree.

I loaded up on Gatorade and water and a few cookies, took a few minutes rest and got back on the road. My mental state was incredible. I was tired, I had over 50 miles to go, it was still very hot and I could have easily sagged it home, but that wasn’t even a consideration. There was riding to do, and I needed to get it done.

Miles 147 to 165

Fatigue was really pushing me down in this section. While it is slightly downhill it still took some pushing on the pedals to keep the wheels turning. Mentally I was feeling really good. I knew that I was tired and my legs had almost no energy left in them, but I also knew what I had to do.

I kept to my plan which was to drink as much as possible, eat often, take a salt tab or ibuprofen as needed and keep those pedals turning round and round.

By my standards this was a beautiful section of the course, and that helped a lot. I grew up in a rural section of California in the foothills, and this section was exactly that. True, the few trees that were around were oaks and not pine, but the effect was similar – a two lane country road cruising through the foothills under a wide open sky. I was in a good frame of mind.

Also the sun had reached its zenith some time ago and was heading down. It was still hot, but relief was in site. I was hoping to be back at the start/finish by the time it got dark, but I wasn’t too sure that was going to happen. In the past the knowledge that I had would not meet a goal – being done before dark – would have frustrated me to no end. But not today. There was nothing I could change about where I was, how far I still had to ride and how much energy I had to get it all done, so why waste energy on negative thoughts?

Although it wasn’t as hot, the air was incredibly dry. I had to drink constantly to keep my mouth from feeling like a dust storm. This was a good thing as it forced me to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

Rest Stop #9, Mile 165, what used to be a one room schoolhouse

Since I was fatigued I knew that this was going to be a long stop.

I laid my bike down and walked over to the food line. Yet again the spread was amazing. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, salted potatoes, cookies of all sorts and a new treat – Cup o’ Noodles soup!!! Normally I would avoid Cup o’ Noodles because the sodium content is high enough to kill a Clydesdale (the horse, not the triathlete), but today was definitely NOT normal. Noodles submerged in salt broth sounded like just the ticket.

I gathered up my food just as the perfect resting spot came open, one of those folding beach lounge chairs. I plopped my butt down and started to feast.

I had been holding pretty much to myself for most of the ride, but the crowd here was very engaging. One rider was a double century junky with the Terrible Two (16,000 feet of climbing) and the Devil Mountain Double (18,000 feet of climbing) to his credit. After chatting for a bit I nodded off for some needed rest.

Have I mentioned that doing a double without training is very taxing on the body????

I woke up later and one rider was making his decision to pull out of the ride. He’d had enough. I found it most comical to listen to him.

“Two years ago, I spent 45 minutes in this very rest stop and then continued on. I ain’t going to do that again.”

Cool, I had only been here for 35 minutes – I had another 10 minutes to go…. ;-)

Soon those 10 minutes were up, and it was time to hit the road again.

Miles165 to 178

It took me a couple of miles before my legs felt like pedaling again, and shortly thereafter they didn’t want to pedal at all. I did what I had to do. I stopped, pulled off the side of the road and sat down for a few minutes. Two sag wagons came by, but I waived them off. This was just a tough spell. I knew that I could finish. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t make it home before dark, so I just listened to my body and took a needed break.

One water bottle and one Gu later and it was back to the bike.

At one point the two lane country road widened and improved considerably. There was now a real bike lane and the pavement was great. A couple of miles later the local casino came into view. If you want people to gamble I would guess that you better have some good roads for them to drive on. Yes, the casino’s parking lot was full.

There was one little rise in this section, and it really hurt to ascend what could only have been about one hundred feet. Mentally I was doing great. I was setting the appropriate expectations, but they were very, very low expectations. What at one time in my life might have been “let’s try to break 20MPH” became “let’s try to pedal this bike.”

Slow and steady. Just get the job done.

Finally we were back in the farmlands and it was time to make some right and left turns. After being on essentially the same road for about 60 miles it was great to have to pay attention to the course markings again.

Rest Stop #10, Mile 178

I know this place!!!

Well, OK Rest Stop #1 doubles as Rest Stop #10, and I had been there once before in my life some 15 hours ago.

By now you probably know the drill – fill water bottles, grab a bit of food (this time a banana), sit for a spell and then get back on the road. Yet again the volunteers were awesome, arranging chairs, delivering food, checking on general well-being. This ride is a class act.

I only had 22 miles to go, and I knew that I would make it. It gave my ego a bit of a boost to see someone who had dropped out drive out to the rest stop to meet some friends who were still riding. I was sitting near them, and I listened to him describe how tough it had been for him with today’s conditions. This was not a competition by any means, but it felt good to know that I had done a great job of listening to my body and pacing myself. Coming into this event undertrained could have been a disaster, but I was doing great and only had 22 miles to go.

22 dark miles as the sun was now gone, but at least it was cooling off.

Miles 178 to 193

Since we were now back into the farmlands we had the added benefit of evaporative cooling from the irrigation canals. It was starting to feel quite pleasant other than the fact that I couldn’t feel the fingers in my left hand and my legs were hoping to jump ship to a new body.

Through the fields.

Earlier in the day I had enjoyed my shadow as it revealed a very nice aero-position. Now, the sun was down, so I didn’t have to see my shadow in what had to be a less than stellar hunchback impersonation.

Surprisingly I made a pretty big mistake once the weather cooled off. With the cooler temps and moisture in the air from the irrigation canals I forgot about drinking. In the last 20 miles of a 200 mile ride, I let myself get dehydrated because I quit thinking about one of the most important aspects of ultra-events – Hydration. The air was cool. I felt OK. Why drink?

Luckily it was no big deal this time, but I cannot forget this lesson in the future (especially when I try to ride more than 200 miles).

Rest Stop #11, Mile 193 or Where I Really Didn’t Want to Stop but Had no Choice

The Davis Double is well supported, well marked and has very few rules. One of those rules is, in my opinion, a good idea.

- After dark, riders must leave rest stops in groups of 5.

This increases the cyclists chance of being seen by motorists on the unlit two-lane farm roads that surround Davis. OK, this sounds like a great rule, at least logically, until you are the one who just wants to get the hell back to town and get off of your bike!!!

At the Plainfield Fire Station I was waived in by a volunteer and told to wait for 4 more riders. Two came in shortly after me, and they were raring to get back on the road, but since we had to wait for two more one of them decided to use the rest room. Soon two more riders came in and we had our five-some. As is usual in any cat-herding situation the second two-some decided to use the rest room because we had to wait for the first guy. After they left, the woman from the first two-some decided that it was finally a good time to hit the facilities.

During this interlude the volunteer in charge of headlight enforcement took a break to deal with some medical issues that were occurring on the course, and a tandem and a lone cyclist were able to cruise by without stopping.

Aaaaaargh, can we just get going now?

Miles 193 to 200

Not being a good team player I dropped the hammer when we hit the road again. It wasn’t much of a hammer, but I could see the lights of Davis and I was ready to be done.

I have no idea how fast I was riding because it was pitch black by now, and I could not see my computer except when the occasional big truck went by and shared his bright headlights with me. Who cares how fast I was going? To me it felt like I was flying!

I caught the tandem and the lone cyclist and left them in my wake, or so I thought. As usual they jumped onto my wheel for a free ride. I gotta look back more often.

I backed off the pace about 2 miles outside of town. Soon I started seeing streetlights. Civilization and the end of the ride coming up! A few left and right turns and there stood the Davis Senior High School.

SWEET!!!!

Home Sweet Home.

I parked my bike, checked in and rode the two blocks down to my car where I called my wife to let her know that I had finished the ride safe and sound. I love cell phones for calls like that.

After packing up my bike I drove back to the high school for a well-deserved shower. I just wanted to go to sleep, but I held myself up long enough to wash off a serious layer of salt deposits. Both my jersey and my shorts were well coated with a white layer of sweated salts.

I tried to eat some of the post-ride Mexican food, but due to dehydration my stomach could not tolerate any of it.

So I drove off into the night……. only to call my wife minutes later to tell her that I was going to find a hotel room for the night. There was no way that I could make it the two hours back to home without falling asleep at the wheel.

I drove around a bit and found a Budget Inn or Comfort Inn or Beside the Freeway Here’s a Bed Inn that had a vacancy. I further validated my choice to find a place the crash when I fell asleep while resting my head on the counter at the check-in desk. I was one tired puppy.

I was also one very satisfied puppy!

200 miles in one day. That feels pretty good.

On a down note, it took me about 5 weeks to recover. Losing 14 pounds in 16 hours is not a recommended diet for anyone. While I usually never get sick, I caught the flu a couple of weeks later that had me laid out for several days.

I’m pretty sure that better preparation (read: training) would have resulted in a much shorter recovery period, but then again……

that was one of the coolest things that I have ever done!

A double century without training.

Epic! Truly epic!

[thewarmestofintentions]

1-47

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?I have a bf.

2.When did your last hug take place?Yesterday.

3.Are you a jealous person?Meh, I can be. 

4.Are you tired right now?Yeeep, worked all day.

5.Do you chew on your straws?Nope.

6.Have you ever been called a tease?Yeah. I hate people

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?Try 72 hours...

8.Do you cry easily?lol sometimes.

9.What should you be doing right now?Um preferably napping.

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?Yeaaaaaah, set 10+ alarms for a reason lol.

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?Yeees.

12.Are you mad at someone right now?Negative.

13.Do you believe in love?I do.

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?No idea.

15.Who was the last person you talked to?My mother.

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?Duh.

17.Will you get married?lol if someone sticks around that long maybe.

18.When was the last time you smiled?Today?

19.Does anyone like you?I sure hope so.

20.Do you secretly like someone?Not a secret.

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?My coworker.

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?My best friend I suppose.

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?School starting again.

24.What ARE you looking forward to?My boyfriend coming home.

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?Probably didn’t mean it.

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?I wouldn’t care.

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?That is the plan.

28.Are you a forgiving person?Usually. Ultimately depends on the situation though.

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?I’ll say one lol.

30.Do you fall for people easily?Nope.

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?lol god no.

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?Iced coffee.

33.Who was the last person you drove with?Uhhh my mother I think.

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?11ish because I worked at 6:30 lol.

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?Obviously.

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?One of my friends.

37.Can you live a day without TV?Yep.

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?Today like fuck

39.Three names you go by..Kim, Kimberlee (plz no) 

40.Are you currently in a relationship?I am.

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?Stuck in Love.

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?I do.

43.What’s your current problem?Nothing.

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?Who hasn’t.

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?They take a lot of work.

46.How many kids do you want to have?Currently I want none cause I hate children, but maybe 1 or 2 someday lol.

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?Yes.Thanks anon x

[bdamantherapper]

BDaMan’s Show Log (6/23/2017-6/24/2017)

*The following events take place between Friday, June 23rd and Saturday, June 24th.* Friday 12:01am - As Show Day has finally approached, it's time to start logging the events and work my way towards getting in that zone for tonight's show. 12:15am - As I usually do each day around this time, I decide to check my "On This Day" on Facebook. Found a lot of stuff relating to the "Here's The Man" release in 2013, along with a bunch of show stuff from past years. The most interesting part I discovered was that Facebook reminded it that it had been four years since B.Allen and I became Facebook friends. For anyone who knows my history real well, you'd know that obviously I've known B.Allen and Jabri way longer than 4 years. I'm assuming there was a short time period in 2013 (for whatever reason) that B.Allen and I weren't Facebook friends. All of that aside, I'm reminded that as the end of June approaches, it marks the 16 year mark that I've known B.Allen and Jabri. (Short version of the normal version of the story: Met them in late June 2001 at my Grandma's place, their mom married my dad in 2004) I'm reminded that the people you meet in life can be minor or major, depending on how the natural flow of life goes. If you would've told me a year prior in June 2000 that I'd be pursuing music heavily with someone who not only has the same name as me (with a different spelling), but someone that would be a big brother to me - I would've been so confused, to a point where I don't believe it. 12:38am (cont. from 12:15am): Since 2014, I've done full 30-45 minute performances (also known as sets) with B.Allen and prior to that, full performances with variations of the New Life crew, one exception being June 2009 at The Beat Coffeehouse. Tonight's performance marks the first full solo performance of mine since the 2009 one. B.Allen and I had a mutual understanding days ago that he wouldn't be able to perform with me for this show. I'm not taking it as hard as I once would have, it's hard to go from that transition of having someone with you on stage all these years back to solo performances. As they say, though: "The show must go on." 1:05am - Only in my house can I watch my mom watch "Orange Is The New Black" while I watch "The Bernie Mac Show". The way our house is set up, I get the best of both worlds. 3:05am - Night #2 of looking at TV Tropes of various shows. TV Tropes are officially as interesting as samples in music. 4:35am - Still not completely tired yet. Thank goodness for Melatonin and "Hey Arnold!" It'll take its course soon enough... 9:54am - With the help of some foolproof alarms, I managed to wake up when I needed to. With how long today's gonna be, I didn't wanna waste any time. 10:01am - Can't go wrong with The Price Is Right! Now just gotta decide if I'm having breakfast or lunch today. 11:22am - After a fair amount of promoting the show, I've decided on having lunch. Can't let the hustle of promoting delay the day. 12:17pm - Now that lunch is done, it's time to get some practicing in. 12:41pm - I really hate how any form of text communication can be misconstrued. I often can read through it, but sometimes, there are people who just come off so passive aggressive. Put some respeck on your texts to me. 1:24pm - Time to get some practice in! 2:12pm - My solo practice is cut a bit short, as I had to call Tony back (imagine Frank Gallagher, but a bit shorter and slightly more sane) to check in with him and see how he's doing. Convos with him always remind me to never take myself too seriously and to never take any disrespect. 3:02pm - Gotta get ready for the final practice with the Gazda band, prior to the show. Here comes the long part of my day. 3:43pm - Cos lets me know that he'll be here to pick me up shortly. I feel like it took us a long time to not only do music together, but a long time for us to do shows together. It's something we've talked about since we worked together at Walgreens. To put it in perspective, it's about 5-6 years in the making. 3:58pm - We've arrived at Dave's place to get the final show practice in before the show. I also finally get to meet KJ and Blair, two very talented musicians who will be involved with tonight's set. 4:56pm - Practice is sounding awesome with everyone here! Can't wait to see everyone's reactions to the set. 5:43pm - Practice is complete! Time to pack up shop and make the travel to Nomad. Shout-out to Blair for the ride. 5:53pm - Had a chance to listen to my recordings from the practice before we left. It was dope hearing just how well my songs meshed with the Gazda stuff. Shoutout to Dave for hooking that up. 6:07pm - For the first time since November 2015, I have arrived at Nomad! A tad earlier than I expected, but oh well. 6:36pm - A nap might've been a smart idea. I'm tired as a mug. I shouldn't have trusted the alarm tones of "Morning's Here" from Friends, a Jadakiss laugh compilation, a Kanye noises compilation and a compilation of Big Sean saying "Oh god!" It got me up, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna be staying up haha. Godspeed. 6:54pm - Ran into the homie, Kama here at Nomad World Pub. Hopefully gonna link with him on some shows and music. 7:05pm - My all-time favorite James Brown song, "The Payback" is on right now.  I'm containing my hype haha. Mitch (one of Dave's roommates) is spinning the classics right now! 7:09pm - The OG is turnt about "The Payback" right now. 7:43pm - Only in my lifetime can I just witnessed a "Happy Vagina" be drawn. Somewhat doubles as an happy avocado haha. KJ's artistry at work! All for the love of Planned Parenthood, y'all. 7:48pm - Just found out about 7 minutes ago about all the set times. I go on with Gazda at 10:45. 7:59pm - Aw, shit! "Flashlight" is playing!! For those who don't know, that is my favorite song of all time. 8:23pm - These fries are tasty as hell, though!! Shouts out to Sarah for sharing her fries. Chronicles of a Broke Rapper. 8:33pm - First time in the Green Room since the first Culchr Showcase from November 2015. So many memories plus thoughts racing through my mind. 8:47pm - Before I left the Green Room, I saw an old Culchr sticker we put down there. It felt so symbolic to see that, despite not quite feeling the Culchr surroundings love today. No Alex or B.Allen with me for this one. However, I hear "Juicy Fruit" by Mtume and it makes me feel better. Most specifically, the sampled vocals that Biggie interpolated for "Juicy". 8:59pm - Just heard the sample for "Looking At The Front Door" by Main Source. I believe Cos is DJing at the moment, not sure. On another note, it's dope that it's still pure daylight at 9pm. 9:16pm - Had to grab the portable charger quick. As I came back up and outside, I ran into the big homie, Carnage. Last time I saw him was at our Club Underground performance in November 2015. It's gonna be interesting taking the stage after his band performs. That's a mighty name to follow when it comes to the lyrics. 9:28pm - Cricket and Bernard are the emcees of the night. They seem like naturals at it. This is gonna be an interesting ass night. 9:31pm - Wild Age is up. This is the band that Blair is also in. They have a good 90s type rock sound. 9:51pm - Well then...looks like we're after Wild Age. Time to speed up the flip of the switch! 10:03pm - Apparently, we aren't next lol. Cos told me that Everything's Been Taken wanted to trade, but then retracted said trade after realizing they were already in the spot they needed to be in, set wise. Total tactical error. On a side, "We're on the move...nothing can stop us now! FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW!" 10:31pm - Everything's Been Taken (Carnage, Laura Lou and Soul Beautiful) are up. I expect nothing less than dopeness here. They don't call Carnage the "Show Stealer" for nothing! If you add Carnage to an eclectic of musicians, there's minimal room for error. I'd like to also add that on the local scene, Carnage has been a driving force of inspiration for how my style has morphed. Ever since him and Desdamona came to my Poetry class in Senior year, I've been finding ways to carry that growl in my vocals while having some fun with it. That's about 7 years of me taking notes, sure ain't stopping now. 11pm - Got my drink tickets from Cos finally. Time to drink this Surly Hell. Still blown away by Carnage's performance of "MN Mean". Goddamn!! 11:15pm - Everything's Been Taken is on their final song, meaning that Gazda and myself are next! Now, it's time to flip that switch very soon. 11:21pm - Had to give Carnage props on the dope set. Told him how he's been an inspiration since 2010 and he told me how I was doing good to represent for the big men by having energy on stage. Man...my jitters are kicking in fast! 11:50pm - In the words of Sting, "It's SHOWTIME!" Saturday 12:21am - Wow! That turned out doper than I ever imagined!! Got some good props from a good chunk of people, especially Carnage himself. Even the OG from Louisiana gave me props. He was shocked as hell that I went the whole time prior to the show without saying anything about performing tonight. I still gotta work on the whole not losing the voice thing, but I pulled it off decently enough with some "change in mid-stream" mannerisms. 12:35pm - Shoutout to Sarah and Shane for letting me get a slice of their pizza. Hedgies Pizza, that's a major key! Shout-out to KJ as well for her very, very talented vocals. Shout-out to Dave for doing his thing on the bongos, as well as Blair for the keyboard and guitar - so dope! And of course, shout-out to Cos for getting it all together and having me involved. I have a feeling this is the start of a great musical relationship. 12:53am - Big shout-out to Blair for the ride home. Saved a young brotha some time. Wish I could've stayed to see Ayvah, but my body was telling me to get home for sleep. 1:10am - "Back to my palace, cause I suffer Morning Madness!" 1:45am - I'm about to slay these hot dogs and get ready for the decompress portion of the night. 2:52am - Catching up on Beat Shazam with my mom. At least this keeps me hype about music. 4:20am - As I watch "Malcolm & Eddie", I reflect on the day as a whole. Very, very few negative moments and a whole lot of positive moments (even some unexpected positive moments). A truly glorious day. I never understand how I manage to have so much energy after this much time has passed. One of many of my life's mysteries. Until the next show log, this is BDaMan - closing it out!

[chefbstrikesagain]

Mid Year Break

The past couple of weeks have been a blast. No routine, accompanied by my closest friends, made for countless memories and little sleep. My holiday technically started on May 24 and lasted until June 11- felt like 3 months but was definitely a busy 2.5 weeks. The trip began on the morning of May 24 where Me, Martin, Joey, and the rest of the Sabah Gang headed to Kota Kinabalu to an early 4th of July party at the U.S. Embassy. We were extremely undressed for the event as we didn't want to pack super formal clothes. I sound ridiculous but dressing nicely would have meant backpacking around with dress shoes and a suit for the remainder of our travels. This resulted in sweaty me changing in a parking 20 minutes before the event into khakis in a button down. Sweaty and wrinkled I began shaking hands with people dressed in tuxes and needed a drink stat. Upon arrival, trusty old Janna had already scoped out the salmon sandwiches and wrangled down a waiter to get us all glasses of red wine from the open bar. After about 8 glasses, a passenger van arrived to take us to the airport for the start of our mid year programming. We landed in KL around 1am and it took another hour to get back to the beloved Dorsett Hotel. The Dorsett is where we spent our 2 weeks when we first got to Malaysia for orientation and holds a special place in everyone's hearts. Other than being extremely hungover everyday of programming, this was my favorite meet up yet. Fulbright let us do most of the talking and voice our specific problems. Mid year felt like a 'choose your own adventure book' which really helped people cope with specific problems they were having. After many icebreakers and a sleepless few nights I shared a grab car to the airport with Eleanor, Lissy, and Katie to make my 6am flight to Hanoi. Arriving in Hanoi meant that I was just 24 hours away from seeing my roommmates from COLLEGE. It has been so long since seeing them, or pretty much anyone from the U.S.. I spent the first day in Hanoi alone sightseeing. However, about an hour into my solo expedition I met a girl on a motorbike named Ming. Ming is from Hanoi, Vietnam and is a University student (or so she told me) in Pharmacology. Because it is her summer, she was looking for work taking around tourists on the back of her bike. She pulls up, offers me a helmet and an unbeatable price (10USD) for 3 hours of bopping around the city. She took me to local places to eat, explained the history of so many temples, and was a good pal to take selfies with. She dropped me back off at my hostel around 4pm and I spent the rest of the evening chit chatting and watching Netflix on the blazing fast wifi. The next morning I woke early, excited and anxious for Jackson, Rob, and Ang to arrive. I grabbed an uber moto to the airbnb which must have been a site. A 6'2 male with a 25 pound hiking backpack jumping on the back of this small Vietnamese man's motorbike. All in all I made it to the airbnb unscathed and had a few hours to kill. I was still pretty tired from all of our going out during mid year but a nap was not in the cards- I was just too excited. I laced up my running shoes and went for a short jog on the treadmill and then laid by the pool for a few hours. In what seemed like an eternity, I finally heard a knock at the door and APT. 6 was finally reunited. They looked, and smelled like hell but I was still so excited to see them. We chatted about the flight and the fact they were across the world for an hour before we decided to grab some local food and settle in for the night. Don't ask Rob about getting some of the local food. He was convinced we were all going to get Hep B the entire time. The next few days in Vietnam were a blur but included Vietnamese massages, local coffee, a trip to the famous Ha Long Bay, and loads of walking/sightseeing. We set off for Siem Reap on the 31st with our luggage in tow and arrived around 8pm. After Ang getting stuck in customs we found ourselves in 2 tuk tuks hauling down the road towards our villa. Tuk Tuks are such a fun way of transportation! We took them everywhere our entire stay in Cambodia mainly because of the price but also because they were everywhere. Our resort was beautiful and full of warm orange and yellow colors, fresh flowers, and statues of Buddha. We were welcomed with a cold cloth compress and fresh squeezed juice at reception. The owner asked us about where we came from and gave some suggestions (a full 4 day itinerary) on what we should do. We agreed that we wanted to do sunrise and before we knew it our alarms were blaring at 4:45am to go meet the tuk tuk driver. The first few hours of the morning were hazy. Our driver spoke almost no english and would just drop us off places and we would cross our fingers we would be able to find him later on. The sunrise was beautiful but a little disappointing to be honest. A lot of online blogs said it was a really spiritual experience, maybe if I had done it again it would have been better but between the photo shoots and the sweat dripping down my legs and forehead, all I wanted was the pool. We were 'templed out' by 2pm and finally made our way back to our villa where we enjoyed drinks and more food by the pool while we rested until going out that night. The night can be summed up in two words by my 3 pals 'puke city' and I'll leave it at that for their sake ;) It was an interesting time to be in Cambodia. They were undergoing elections and parades of people were campaigning in the street blasting music from cars and tuk tuks hoping their candidate would be chosen. Small business owners hoped for the opposition to take power as they promised more distribtion of wealth, while the reigning party kept their pockets lined. According to Uncle Google, Cambodia's government is extremely corrupt.. However, because of these elections, many bars and activities were closed due to people leaving to return to their villages to vote. There was also a city wide alcohol ban on the bars one night which led to us turning in early and catching up on some well deserved sleep. The next day was busy but involved ATVing through the countryside and rice paddies. Jackson found the tour and for 30 USD we spent hours driving through giant puddles and essentially causing havoc. Rob's chain fell off about halfway through his ATV which was unfixable out in the fields so he had to ride on the back of mine until a new ATV could be dropped off about 15 minutes down the path. ATVing might have been the highlight of my time in Cambodia- such an adrenaline rush. Later that night we were able to meet up with some of my Fulbright friends at a restaurant in Cambodia where fortunately, Claire snuck in a bottle of whiskey in her bag big enough for all of us. We spent hours polishing off the bottle between the 8 of us and made our way down the street to some of the clubs. Cambodia was where we spent most of our time but seemed like a blur, before we knew it we were up early (once again) and at the airport where our heavy bags caused some major problems. At the check-in counter Ang and I both got flagged because our bags looked overweight. I was able to talk the guy down from $40 to only a $10 charge by explaining I was a teacher in Malaysia and i've never had a problem traveling with my bag before. Ang, on the other hand, ended up getting a little confrontational with the guy who wouldn't budge. The ole American way of dealing with confrontations seemed to make bad worse. I don't think the AirAsia employee appreciated Ang taking photos of the man and threatening to call his manager. Honestly thought he was going to be kicked out of the airport- but our bags were checked and against all odds we made it through security. This was a low point of the trip for sure. We were all still feeling the night before and tried to remedy our hangovers with some coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Ang got a burger which I think ended up working out well in his favor. An hour later we boarded the most turbulent flight of my life. Jackson, Rob, and I respectively filled row 22 on our AirAsia flight to Phuket. Andrew, was moved up towards the front of the plane by himself which he smugly smiled back at us thinking he was first class- smh. About 45 minutes into the flight the seat belt sign turned on and the plane became turbulent. Before I knew what was happening it felt like we were dropping out of the sky. Jackson, Rob, and I were fighting back vomit as our greasy breakfast sandwiches and hangovers mixed violently in our stomachs. This turbulence was intermittent and just when you though it was over we felt our stomachs move up to our throats as the plane dropped 100 feet. We finally landed safely on the ground but when we got outside the airport we understood how bad the conditions were. As we were waiting for a taxi 4 Thai men and woman were holding a taxi stand down to prevent it from being taken by the monsoon that was only gathering strength. We arrived at our Hostel, Lub D, and made our way up to our room and we all posted up in our beds for a good amount of time still trying to recover from the flight. We grabbed food as the rain finally subsided at a small restaurant just a few blocks away where I enjoyed my first authentic pad thai! With our spirits lifted we made our way back to the hostel and formed a game plan for our short time in Phuket. Over the 3 days 2 night we were there we were able to go to a tiger sanctuary, have a beach day, explore the nightlife, and go to an all day event at an Elephant sanctuary. These were all unique and incredible experiences within themselves and I'll elaborate later but definitely some of my favourite parts of the trip. After what seemed like a week, but was only 2 nights, we made our way back to yes you guessed it, another airport, where we boarded our quick flight to Bangkok. Somehow Angus made it on the flight with 2 bags to our surprise! We checked into our hostel around 12:30am and had a solid sleep until we woke up to explore Bangkok. Claire and Kelsey, two other ETA's, were staying at the same hostel as us so we spent the morning at a coffee shop getting to know each other, and then set off into the city. We were able to see the Royal palace, the Emerald Buddha, the reclining Buddha, a canal tour, and even go out that night. It was such a busy day but the night seemed to last forever. After downing buckets of red bull and rum while listening to an incredible live band, we left for the 2nd best bar, according to trip adviser in Bangkok. Set 64 floors up, SkyBar Bangkok, was insane. Insane because of the views but also because of the 690 Baht drinks, which we seemed to have no problem spending.... Ang ordered a cuban cigar and we were actually living the high life. Our last day was sad and was mostly spent talking about our trip, prepping for their flight home, and we also got measured in case we ever wanted to order custom suits from a tailor in the city. We spent our last few hours in the bean bag lounge in our hostel awaiting the inevitable. After a long 2 weeks it was finally time to say goodbye. With the song yellow by coldplay in the background and the rain pounding the windows we hugged goodbye as the Uber arrived. It was a bittersweet moment but makes me really appreciate how good I have it in terms of friends. These guys flew across the world not only once but twice, to come visit and get a taste of what life was like for me. By the end of the trip I had a feeling that they were ready to go as the sleep deprivation and 2 week bender had finally started to set in for everyone. With runny noses and giant backpacks they set off for the final leg of the trip- the ride home. Having these 3 visit was a huge mental relief for me. Being gone from home for 5 really begins to take a toll on you and don't realize how caught up in life you get while over here. They reminded me of what is important and that I need to finish strong as life is pretty much the same back home - despite my fomo.

[canaryatlaw]

Today was okay-ish. Not great really. I'm still just in a weird space, mentally. Still can't get my mind to stop racing. I did call my psychiatrist today but he wasn't in that office today, but they took a message and said they'd have him call me, and asked if I needed to be today, so I said I mean it's okay if it's tomorrow but today would be preferable. I didn't get a call back today. Sigh. And it's just that much more difficult now that I'm working 9-5 because when am I supposed to do things like call my psychiatrist or anyone else that is only open 9-5? When am I supposed to go to the doctor ffs? I have one appointment scheduled for late June at 8 am. I'm sure that's gonna go over well with my brain. Sigh. Now I'm getting worked up over this which is the last thing I wanted to do. I think I'm gonna go up to 4 mg of Xanax a day though. It's still within the threshold he said I could try to figure out. I just want to talk to him about it because this guy knows my brain better than probably even me and when something that used to work is no longer working it's not a good sign. I should move on now though. Alarm went off at 7 and I successfully convinced myself to get out of bed by 7:01. Got ready, poured my cocoa krispies and then looked at my milk and it had apparently curdled when the refrigerator does was stuck open for some reason when I got home yesterday. Great. At least I figured it out before I poured it onto my cereal. So I hurried around grabbing some oatmeal (one of the disposable cups) and some cinnamon toast eggos. Made the bus so that's good. I got to the office and went to go see my supervisor but she wasn't in her office, so I just went back to mine and started working on the stuff she gave me yesterday. Not that long after she showed up at my office and said she was gonna be taking a personal half day but would make sure I had enough work, and that she'd probably be going down to court at 10:30 if I wanted to join her so I said sure. Kept working until then, then went down to court and absolutely nothing interesting happened when I was hit by another one of my wow you're going to close your eyes every 3 seconds now and be incapable of keeping them open spells that I've been getting lately when I'm sitting still and focusing on one thing, and at some point after that started my supervisor came over and said it looked like all the cases were just getting dates so it wasn't gonna be interesting if I wanted to go back upstairs. I'm not sure if she saw that I was visibly falling asleep or not, lol, but I took the out. It was a little past 11 at this point and I think then was when I called my psychiatrist. Then I didn't really have any work to do so I closed my door and set my alarm for noon and took a nap. I woke up at like 11:45 so I was probably only "out" for like 30 minutes, which I figured I'll just work through my lunch to make up for so it'll be fine. I mean, power naps are a thing right? And as long as I get the work done it's not like anyone cares, so....not a big deal lol. So I then opened my office door and started conversing with the two ladies who have the offices across and next to mine. The offices are kind of set up mostly in these 3 pod systems, and this is the first time I'm actually in a full 3 pod, since first semester the office next to mine was empty and last semester I was just kind of off in a corner. So we talked as we worked and that was cool. One of the ladies gave me some DCP packets to do, which they seem to think is like the worst thing ever and kept apologizing for giving me such a boring assignment and I'm like.....dude, I spent an entire semester doing this basically. This is child's play lol bring on the packets I can do them all. So I did all 4 then reported back to her and expressed my concern about the investigation into the last one that was somewhat lacking (whenever an allegation gets unfounded on the grounds that "it's the kids word versus the foster parents word so I'm gonna believe the foster parent" the kill bill sirens start going off in my head). So that was good. She then asked if I wanted to do some trial prep for a TPR, so I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting through a rather large file to write up a timeline of services that mom and dads 1&2 did or did not do (no polygamy, just two different dads for two kids). It wasn't terribly thrilling but it was fine. I left right around 5 to catch the 5:13 train, which I'm gonna have to start leaving a little bit earlier for because the last two times it's been a few minutes early and I've barely made it (it's typical for me to get in anywhere between 8:50 and 9, so I figure 5 minutes here or there evens itself out). Trip home was fine, quickly threw some dinner together and tuned into the flash, most of my excitement stemming from knowing that watching this week's episode meant getting to next week's episode when my bby Len is coming back haha so more of a means to an end than anything else, but I actually really liked the episode! I definitely like, snorted when they showed that in wiping Barry's memories they screwed over Savitar too and now killer frost was like welp, gotta help them fix it lol. The scene with her and Cisco though, like stop it broke my heart so much <\3 like JUST LET CAITLIN BE HAPPY DAMMIT IT ISNT THAT HARD UGHHHH so that made me sad. The main part with Barry was pretty comical, him and Iris were adorable together even with the inevitable this isn't their reality looming over their heads. And they managed to get the probable cause hearing fairly by the book, so I didn't get too pissy over that (I mean, there's no way that would be the only possible way to keep the guy in custody and he would HAVE to be released otherwise, so that part was totally unrealistic, but I realize that was just a necessary plot point). But overall I really liked the episode and then of course the first shot of the preview had me flipping a shit immediately because LEN IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE WAVERIDER and we already know he was wearing oculus clothing in other shots on the sizzle reel and ugh.......I really don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it, they're already sky high. I really wouldn't be surprised if it's another fake out, though I would probably be the angriest I've been with them at this point. I guess we'll see where that goes. It took me about 6 minutes to remember that prison break comes on right after the flash (and by remember I mean going to the my shows list to watch B99 and see oh shit it's recording) but I caught up to live pretty quickly. I felt pretty distracted during this week's episode, probably just due to weird mental head space again. But I'm glad they're making progress and then they were like 3 episodes left!!! and I was like what????????? This is way too short lol. But I'm very much looking forward to that teased Michael/Sara reunion for next week because I know it's gonna be epic. Lol, at the end of the episode they're like "Michaels dying!" and I was like lol, when is Michael Scofield not dying? Also, at this point I'm just convinced Michael doesn't know how to give up on anything so he just keeps trying crazier and crazier ideas until one of them inevitably and inexplicably works. But I am enjoying that. So after that, I did watch Brooklyn 99. I may be totally wrong on this, but I could've sworn B99 used to be a half hour show??? I'm probably just wrong but I definitely thought that. This episode at least seemed very distinctly split into two parts, both of which were pretty great. The Rochester partying was hilarious of course as was them recreating what happened. Then there was the whole Amy/Jake storyline with her taking the sergeants exam that led to that super sweet scene of him just being like this is your dream and it's been your dream before we started going out, I've always known you were gonna be my boss anyway and it was really adorable (and then he went all die hard and it was really funny). And yeah, that pretty much capped my tv for the night. I got into a Twitter DM convo with one of the DCTV podcast hosts (I'm being intentionally vague here) regarding the appearance of the waverider in the trailer and they weren't happy about it and was just kind of ranting at legends and normally we just have stupid and amusing conversations about our shows so it got kind of awkward for a minute there but we both calmed down and were like okay it's fine people have opinions lol. And plus they have an entire podcast to rant to about their opinions, so the need to do it to me personally isn't really there. We're fine though, I like them and I enjoy talking to them. And that was pretty much my day. Tomorrow is Wednesday and my third day at "work" for summer. Did I mention I'm the only law clerk in the office right now? My name looks so lonely on the sign in sheet, lol. Most people are still in finals, I just finished really early and wanted to make sure I made it back in time for the child death case to be up so here I am. I'm probably the only law clerk in the building at this point 😂 but yeah, as far as I know I'll finally be going iron the field (maybe I should pack a change of clothes? We didn't discuss this) or maybe she's coming to the courthouse but I'll be interviewing a 5 year old girl who was removed from her mother's care about 2 weeks ago after reports of physical abuse and that mom was a heroin addict with visible track marks on her arm, and she was always referring to her daughter as "that little bitch" and like throwing her around, and also they were living in like complete desolation, like there were holes in the floor and no heat (and this is Chicago and even though ITS FUCKING MAY it's still been freezing) and many other such examples and yeah, it wasn't good. The DCP investigator seemed to think the girl appeared as a normal happy, healthy 5 year old so that's encouraging. I guess we'll see how that goes. Okay, time for bed now. Goodnight punks. Stay awesome.

[melimoe]

Our bus for the two city tour was leaving at 8:10am. We set the alarm to go off at 7am. This would give us time to go and have breakfast and gather our things before we had to be on the bus. At breakfast I used the crepe station. With cinnamon, sugar and fresh fruit it was a very filling breakfast.

We headed up to the lobby at 8am and there were two buses waiting there. Amber asked on the front bus if it was headed on our tour. She was informed, quite rudely, by a passenger that it was a private tour. I can only imagine that it is different from ours because it was one group that booked it. We asked again on the second bus if it was for us and received the same answer. I was surprised at how rued people could be when answering a simple question. I am glad I wasn’t on either of those buses, I don’t think I would have gotten along with the people on them.

Shortly after the other two buses left another one pulled up. This one had a man in a red Air Canada shirt step out and call for our tour. Our bus for sure. We were obviously the first pick up because there was no one else on the bus. After picking our seats we went from hotel to hotel picking up other people for the tour. In total there was about 30 of us.

Once the tour began we drove across a causeway that connected the island of Cayo Coco to the Cuban mainland. On either side of the causeway the shallow waters are a bird sanctuary. There were thousands of birds in the area, including a few flocks of pink flamingos. While we drove to Ciego de Avila, the capital of the region and the farthest point on the tour, we were given the history of Cuba from our tour guide. He was very engaging and informative.

We stopped along the way at a crocodile farm. Here we had an quick opportunity to feed the crocodiles and hold some of the young, as well as other animals, if we wanted. In exchange for this we would leave a small donation.

We were quickly hustled back on the bus after maybe 10 minutes. Along the way to Ciego de Avila we made another stop at a small hotel. They bring in to tourists by making a Piña colada in “true cuban style”. This means using fresh coconut and pineapple rather then a store bought mix. A Piña colada is better when made fresh. While we enjoyed our drinks a local band entertained us. They played some popular Cuban music. They also pulled some people up on stage to teach them how to do a few steps to a Cuban dance. As the band finished there music and we finished our drinks they were selling CDs of their music. I did not buy one and returned to the bus to finish our journey to Ciego de Avila.

Once we arrived in town we were dropped off at a local house that is also used as a studio and sells artworks. We were able to tour through the front of the house that acts as a shop, as well as through the house itself. This was to provide us with on idea of what the Cuban government provides for it’s people.

The Cuban government provides a house or apartment for each family, as well as a wage and food credit. These are not very much and people find other ways to supplement there incomes. Some have shops to sell things, some get jobs in well paying fields, some work at resorts for tips. Our guide told us this because in some of the cities you may see beggars. He wanted us to be aware that they have a house and a government allowance and we could choose to give to them or not.

After we finished at the art shop we continued down the road to another small shop. Here the people used their front room as a jewellery store. They made statues and jewellery out of old german silver silverware. We were even able to view the production area in the back. The entire family and some friends are involved in the process of making things to sell in the shop. Amber and I both bought a few things. Amber was excited because they would size rings to make them fit her fingers, something she usually has trouble with. While she was in the back the group was leaving. I was unsure how long she would be and how far the group would walk. I walked until I had both the shop and the group insight. This way if they turned a corner I would be able to see.

It didn’t take too long for Amber to have the rings sized and we met with the group as they headed into the town square.

We walked through the town square and at the end of the walk we ended up at another shop. This once sold the more coveted of goods; coffee, rum, and cigars.

I knew this is where I would become weighed down with gifts for people. You are allowed by Canadian customs to bring back 1.4L of alcohol. Bottles of rum conveniently came in 700ml sizes. I brought home one for my brother and his girlfriend. I also brought one home for another friend. But I am holding it hostage for my cheese platter that I made. I also bought cigars for the only smoker I know. I made sure to get a Cohiba, which is the brand that Fidel Castro smoked. I also brought home a bag of coffee to give away.

With heavy bags and a light wallet, we went for lunch. This was done buffet style at a restaurant on the square. Lunch was similar to what we would have at the hotel, fresh grilled meat, some sides, and lots of fresh fruit.

After lunch we had about an hour of free time. Amber and I headed for the bank, I had spent all my cash. It was a quick and painless process to take out money at a teller. I recommend going to the teller, especially in Cuba, so that the ATM doesn’t eat your card. This would make for a very bad trip afterwords. Our tour guide warned us that ATM’s in Cuba still eat a lot of North American cards.

After the bank we walk along a pedestrian street and found a local market. This was interesting because the Cubans have two currencies. They have the Convertible Cuban Peso (CUC) that is par with the American Dollar and is used by tourists. They also have the Cuban Peso (CUP) that is used by the government and the people and is converted at a rate of 25:1. One CUC is equal to 25CUP.

In the market the goods were priced in CUP. I know this because the sandals that I wanted had a tag that said 100 on it. I wanted new sandals because my old flipflops had the strap attached by going through the plastic bottom. This meant they rubbed the bottom of my foot and caused blisters. I wanted a new pair that attached to the sides and didn’t rub. I found a cute pair and was able to buy them for only 4CUC. Cheaper then anything I would find at home.

After wandering around for the rest of our time we went to the area where we were meeting the bus. Now we were headed to Moron (pronounced with two long O sounds, not like an idiot, they were very sure to emphasize that point).

I’m not sure how long the bus ride was because I napped all the way to Moron.

When we arrived in Moron there was a horse and buggy tour waiting for us. We went around town and saw the sights, this didn’t take very long because Moron is a small town. We still had fun, our horse and driver liked to be at the front and would do what he could to pass others. The ride only took about 5 minutes, then we crossed the street and went into a bar to watch a live band.

While we were listening to the band Amber is texting on her phone, which was strange because not really possible in Cuba. Turns out she was writing a note that she then passed to me. It said that I had “resting bitch face” and that I was her entertainment. I guess the others on the tour just thought I was unhappy, and I was, unhappy at being woken up.

After the band finished they were selling their CD for 10CUC. Again I did not buy one. We were then taken out the back of the bar because the courtyard had a few little tables set up with souvenirs for purchase. I bought a small wooden model of Cuba for myself.

Then it was back on the bus to the mangrove lake. Here the water is red because of the mangrove wood and sap that has mixed with the water. We were put on two speed boats and taken across the lake. While you are driving it looks like you are headed towards a wall of trees but there is a small turn that the boat takes into a tunnel in the mangroves. Here you are able to see things closer.

The boat drivers know exactly where to stop to show people saw many natural plants. There was a wild orchid growing on one of the trees. There was snake cacti and termite mounds. There was a rope swing to swing out of the boat and back in. Don’t land it the water, there could be crocodiles waiting for you. I was a really nice drive. After we headed back to the shore to get on the bus and head back to the Hotels.

When we returned to the hotel it was just after 5pm. We had lots of time before our dinner reservations. We went to the room to drop off all the things we bought. Then it was down to the beach to catch the rest of the days sun.

We headed to the Italian restaurant for our 6:45 reservation. The building was nice and clean. It was divided into two restaurants on each side of a courtyard. Then the restaurant was in two sections to make it feel more intimate. The food was good but the portions were small, so if you go order from each page. Amber had a pizza and I had cannelloni with cauliflower.

After dinner we headed to the lobby to use up the remainder of the internet card. That didn’t take very long because we once again played the connect, not connect, re-connect. In the end we each got a few messages out. We sat around the lobby bar until 8:30. We both felt tired because of our long day in town.

We headed back to the room and I was out by 9pm. Couldn’t even stay awake until the nightly entertainment.

via Daily Prompt: Pause

Tale of Two Cities: Ciego de Avila and Moron Our bus for the two city tour was leaving at 8:10am. We set the alarm to go off at 7am.