#so I think I'm on the mend but why does this have to happen to me between periods and during easter week 😭 no rest for the wicked

[joonsytip]

Withering for You || Seungcheol- Part 4

Pairings: Seungcheol x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, CEO! Seungcheol au, Husband! Seungcheol au, Wife! Reader au, Music Teacher! Reader au, Arranged Marriage au, College Sweetheart au, Exes to Lovers au

Synopsis: When you are arranged married to the man, whose heart you had broken years ago, even dreaming about mending things seems next to impossible when he has been holding grudge for all these only to return it to you tenfold.

Warnings (specific to this part): drama, crying, profanities, everyone is hurt and sad, everything is on rocks, mentions of infidelity (doesn't happen to though), mention of alcohol consumption, betrayal, italics represents occurrences in past

Word Count: 6.3k

TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES IS CLOSED!

Banner credits to my baby @hoeforhao <3

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Teaser | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Epilogue

They say betrayal is worse than death if you taste it from someone you trust, someone you love. It's stingy, it's sickening, it's scathing.

You have always believed in soulmates, entitled Seungcheol to that word since you've known him, even wanted to make promises of eternity with him. But you should have seen the signs, should have never crossed the lines. Must not have tried to slip into the loopholes.

But you got blinded by greed, a hopeful stance of getting back together. Was it so wrong to wish a happily ever after with the one you have loved selflessly? Apparently it was.

"Sit.", you tell Seungcheol and the later obeys.

And as he does so his eyes fall on a very familiar document kept on the table. Instantly, he goes numb.

You observe him for a moment and play the recordings Jiah had given you. Midway, a panic stricken Seungcheol runs to you and pauses the recording.

He grabs your arms and says in desperation, "I didn't do all this Y/N. I admit I had planned all this because I wanted revenge but please trust me, it wasn't me."

"Unhand me.", you command him coldly, "Your touch disgusts me."

Seungcheol looks at you alarmingly before freeing your arms. He thinks of ways to convince you because in actuality, like he said he had planned it all but something out of scope happened. He fell in love with you again so long gone were all of those thoughts and schemes.

"What goes around, surely comes around.", you let out a chuckle, "Maybe that's why, I'm going through this. I get that you wanted to trample me upon. It's fair, to think about what you've been through because of me, I could have understood.", you look at him, "You could have handed me the divorce papers on our anniversary. Could have had other women and it would have wounded me. But-"

The tears pooling at the corner of your eyes are streaming down, "But how could you stoop so low? Knowing how much this academy matters to me, knowing what music means to me, you went out to attack my soul."

"No Y/N, I was a fool, please please", Seungcheol is crying as well, choking on his words, "It was wrong of me but I would never--"

"They are calling me a thief. Because of this incident those out there are questioning my whole career. The career, I've pursued after fighting the odds, after struggling for years. The one thing that is entirely mine.", your eyes turn darker as you say, "You could have rather killed me, Seungcheol."

Seungcheol gasps and shakes his head frantically.

"Even if I clear my name today, there will be people who'll still doubt my ability. Some out there would assume that I might be guilty and just because I belong to an influential family, I must have pushed everything under the rug with money.", you are hurting yourself with every word you utter at this point, clutching your chest, "My image is tainted, my career is ruined. They will never look at me the same way."

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Y/N", he gets on his knees and clasps his hands, pleading, "I would do anything to clear your name. I'd do anything to win back your trust just give me one chance--"

You take his hands off you saying, "I have always loved you, Seungcheol. Back then, even now, I have chosen you. But none of that matters now. You have stabbed me in the back but I'll be one to pay the price. I thought you'd be different but these genes run in your family. I can't even blame Jiah. You Choi's are no different from her--", you halt.

"What do you mean?", Seungcheol asks confused.

"As I said none of that matters now. You are so petty that you acted out the whole thing. You don't love me and from today onwards I won't either.", you answer him, taking out the wedding ring from your dress pocket, "Here, I'm giving you what you wanted.", you take his hand and place the ring on his palm, "Congratulations! This marriage didn't get through it's first year. But I have a present for you. I have filed for divorce, the papers will be sent to you as soon as they're ready."

Seungcheol is at loss of words. He's unable to comprehend the situation. He wants to stop you but on what ground? The irreversible damage is already done.

"I have all of my belongings sent over.", you inform him, "And if you're planning to create a fuss about the divorce and what's gonna happen after the conference, head on. I won't be giving up like last time. I'll see through the end of it."

"It's happening again", he tells himself and sounds so broken when he speaks through his wavering voice, "Please don't leave me again."

"I had no choice, I was forced to leave you back then", you mutter under your breath, making it impossible for him to hear, "I was willing to stay this time but I have to leave, this time for my sake."

While you gather the rest of your belongings, Seungcheol stands there helpless. And as you walk out of the house, he watches you take away the life of his adobe with you.

Seungcheol numbly tunes in to watch the press conference. He sees you on the screen, out of his reach, out of his life. He listens to each word you say. How sad you look as you address the matter. Even though your legal team briefs the journalists, his eyes are glued to you. He observes how you don't explicitly mention him or the Choi enterprise but throw sublte hints to catch on.

But you make it obvious at the end of the conference by announcing your divorce to Seungcheol.

"I have filed for divorce against Choi Seungcheol and I would like to refrain you all from associating me with the Choi's in future."

Seungcheol is immediately thrown under the bus. People who were coining you as a thief are now praising you and busy portraying him as the villain.

But mopping won't do him any good. His mind reel backs to every word you have said before leaving. He needs to get answers to some questions. Most importantly, he has to get you back.

The next few days goes by Seungcheol handling the legal charges against him which are minor because he digs out enough evidence to prove that he wasn't involved in the slander and Jiah is the main culprit, adding exceptional charges to the list that would nearly ruin her and damage her company's reputation.

The Choi enterprise faces reputation loss as well which results in their stock plummeting and the board of directors complaining about the situation. But being humungous in business, the impact isn't uncontrollable and since Seungcheol is mentally exhausted his father lets him loose taking matters into his hands for the time being.

Everything is manageable or bearable except for the divorce papers which he has received on your first anniversary, that sits coldly on his office table.

"The house I bought is an hour drive from here and I'm planning to stay there for some time, just to take my mind off of things." you say fishing out your car keys, "I have saved my new contact number to your phones."

"But are you sure you don't want us to be there with you?", your mother asks worriedly.

"At least let us help you shift--"

"Dad, I have lived alone before as well. Plus Chan and my friends are gonna help me with the unpacking.", you move over to hug both of your parents, "Visit me after it's done. Plus I'm planning to throw a cozy house warming house, not soon though."

"We're proud of you.", your mother says patting your head.

"I'm sorry for all the troubles and stress you've been through for the past year.", you mumble, quickly wiping your tears, "I'll be fine, no looking back promise."

"We have always trusted you, just take care of yourself and call us.", your father says kissing your forehead.

Chan waits for you by the car and he doesn't let you drive throughout the time it takes to reach your new house. As your friends help you settle into your new home, you are grateful to them for keeping you distracted and not bringing up Seungcheol.

"I'm sorry, Kwan. The academy had to face such an incident because of me.", you say hanging your head low in shame because you don't want anyone to see your tears, the can of beer in your hand remains unsipped, "I have decided to take some time off, please handle the academy and it's okay if you want me to backout. I'll transfer my shares to you."

Seungkwan blames the atmosphere for the tears in his eyes. He wipes them and sits beside you, "I couldn't have done it alone. The reason the academy exists is because we both had given it our all. So take all the time you want but you'll have to return."

You lean onto him and it's your brother who comes to wipe your tears.

"I'm so sorry Chan.", you speak through the tears, "I should have listened to you. I never thought that Seu--", you go quiet because it pains you to even say his name.

Everyone in room goes silent. It's not haunting rather comforting. But the successive ringing of the phones cause a mild commotion.

"Wonwoo keeps on calling us.", Eunsoo mutters, switching off her phone.

"Just tell him that I'm fine.", you tell her, "I'll give him a call later. I haven't visited Wonseok lately so I need to talk to him anyways."

It's amusing, how the night changes.

Seungcheol is distressed. He realises you are not the only one he has lost, he has lost Ms. Oh's empathy, he has also lost precious friend Wonwoo as well.

Wonwoo is back to his stoic self, the version he was when Seungcheol met him first. Only talks business with him, leaves as soon as he's done with assigned work. No more late night drinks, no more taking shots, none of the banter.

He watches you laugh as Wonwoo tells you something animatedly. He watches how your eyes are dull even though your lips are stretched.

Seungcheol had overheard Wonwoo talking to someone on the phone about his brother so he decides to visit him seperately just to check on him. He didn't expect to see you there, making him question since when you knew about Wonseok.

Your face falls when you're suddenly interrupted by Seungcheol's presence. He stands in front of you wordless, you don't bother to strike any conversation with him either.

"I'll get going, let me know if you need anything else.", you tell Wonwoo and turn around walk away.

"Y/N", Seungcheol says, "Can I please talk to you?"

You crane your neck to meet his gaze, "I don't think we have any business with each other. Do me a favour and just sign the divorce papers."

"I can't.", Seungcheol speaks out without missing a beat, "I need you Y/N, please give me a chance, let me make things right. I promise I won't let you down anymore."

"Enough with this act, don't assume you could fool me twice. I'm done with you.", you move around so now you're facing him again.

"You've changed your number.", he says meekly, "I don't get to see you anymore. That house haunts me, it's not the same without you."

You step in, closing the gap within you two, "You're facing the consequences of your actions. Stop acting like a fucking victim.", you spat out before walking out.

Wonwoo is torn. He doesn't want to take sides, it's even more difficult to see both of his dear friends grieving and suffering but there's nothing he could do.

"Wonseok is going through a series of surgeries because his condition had worsened and Y/N has been paying for them.", Wonwoo informs Seungcheol and before he could ask, Wonwoo adds, "You're already paying me more than I should be so I didn't want to burden you more. She had accidentally found out about Wonseok one day and decided to help me out even though I wasn't ready to accept it. She was determined and I couldn't stop her."

Seungcheol isn't surprised rather he is confused. This version of yours is what he was habituated to when you were dating until you convinced him it wasn't on the day you broke up. Something isn't adding up. Something about your nature and the way you act to what you had said that day are contradicting. You aren't mean-hearted, you are a giver so why did you years ago do something so bizarre, the thought is unsettling.

"She has been taking some time off from the academy, no one knows when she'll be back. She is so affected by the incident that she was ready to give up on the academy. The one she had built from scratch with her blood, sweat and tears." Wonwoo speaks disappointedly, "Do you realise what you have done?"

Seungcheol is ashamed, there's an unhealing pain in his heart thinking about you, about how he should be the one aiding you in your tough time but he can't because he's the reason you're in agony.

"As you know, I had also hated Y/N for what she had done. And now that you see me being friends with her is not because she's paying for Wonseok.", Wonwoo halts and takes a breath, choosing his words carefully, "It goes far beyond that. You have always been heedful, I think it's time for you to be vigilant as well. The truth might be far from what you've believed it to be."

Wonwoo doesn't spare another second on his watch as he walks away ignoring the desperate calls of his name.

Seungcheol's mind is not in place anymore.

Your thoughts are everywhere. Peace and happiness are some of the things you haven't gotten to feel lately. Though you've decided to spend time alone at home, the loneliness is caving you in.

Maybe tonight you're feeling a little more lonely than usual. Maybe you shouldn't miss the person who had pushed you to the edge of the cliff. Maybe you shouldn't be good with dates. Maybe you shouldn't trace your thumb on the calendar reminiscing about the day, you both had made it official years ago.

The damned tears aren't stopping, your heart isn't healing.

The bell rings and you are surprised because no one is supposed to visit you today. Quickly wiping your eyes and cheeks you don't bother to check the monitor and open the door.

At the other side of the threshold stands Seungcheol. Your red eyes gape at him as he looks at you shivering from driving all the way here in the snow.

"What are you doing here?"

You know getting your new address and number wouldn't be a big deal to Seungcheol given his network runs deeper.

"Can you let me in atleast, I'm freezing."

You cross over your arms and step aside. He saunters in and wanders off to have a tour of the house. He stops when he senses the glare you're sending him.

"If you realise that this house too plain for your taste you can always contact me. We're best in the business.", Seungcheol says as his lips purse in a line.

"I wonder from where did you get the audacity to come here?", you ask plainly.

"Just wanted to see you", he admits, "I miss you, Y/N."

You scoff at his words.

"Also, there's something you left behind, I found it while going through the drawers.", Seungcheol fishes out a notebook from his inner coat pocket.

You immediately recognise the object, raising your hand flat for him to handover it to you.

"I instantly got reminded of you always carrying it and scribbled down if anything came to your mind. Seems like you had kept this notebook from prior to university days.", he hands over the notebook and touches your hand gently in the process.

His touch turns to strong grip and he doesn't let go.

"Thanks.", you say trying to free your hand, "You should leave now."

The wedding ring on his finger feels cold on your skin.

"I know you remember what day it is today.", he says pulling you closer so that now you're colliding into him, your faces an inch apart. Your eyes are wide and the notebook falls as you're grabbing onto his shoulder out of reflex.

He has an undeniable look of longing in his eyes. You should just push him away, even kick him out but you find yourself frozen.

"I still remember falling in love with you, every moment of it.", he whispers, his gaze switching between your eyes and lips.

"So I do, Cheol.", his nickname slips out of your mouth so casually, there's a pause before you speak, "Why did you have to ruin it all?"

"I regret it all.", he gently holds your face, "But I realised that I never stopped loving you otherwise why would I despise you if I hadn't been in love in the first place."

"You could have broken my heart but you went after my soul."

"You did the same to me years ago. You took my soul away and I became just a shell.", he isn't complaining, just letting you know how difficult it was for him as well, "I planned everything to get back to you but what wasn't planned was my feelings resurfacing, falling in love with you all over again. I had forgotten all the schemes, had forgotten the reason why I hated you in the first place."

When he rests his forehead against yours, you close your eyes basking in the moment. What he did was definitely beyond any excuse but Seungcheol isn't entirely at fault. The fact that he was ready to start again with you after how you had treated him years ago proves the truth behind his words. The difference is you were forced to act out but he wasn't. He chose to destroy you.

So your eyes snap open and you're pushing him away.

"Leave Seungcheol.", you step away, "And never come back again."

Seungcheol sighs, "What should I do for you take me back? If you want I would never show myself in the vicinity of the academy. I wouldn't even ask you anything remotely related to your works or the academy. I'll stay all out of it, I promise."

"Nothing you do would make me go back to you.", your words taste bitter in your mouth, "We are not meant to be, we're not good for each other."

That is basically you firmly rejecting him, letting him aware that he has axed the mended fence.

Seungcheol smiles sadly, "Only if I could show you my heart and mind."

He then leaves with a heavy heart.

The next few days goes by Seungcheol racking his thoughts to make up his mind. Every time he thinks about you wanting to desperately cut ties with him, he relents. He laments on himself for what he has caused. At nights when he deliberately stays late, he mentally prepares himself to sign those papers because that's the only way to atone for his sins.

But those divorce papers get through every night without getting signed. Because when Seungcheol thinks he's ready that's when the realisation gnaws on him that he's actually not, that he'll never be.

And it gets harder each time he tries.

So one night, he lets his intrusive thoughts get the best of him and he ends up calling you.

"I'm trying but I can't bring myself to sign those papers", he speaks into the phone clutching it hard followed by a shaky breath, "I really want to give you what you want but whenever I think about not having you in my life, my willingness deters."

You stay quiet.

"Sorry to disturb you. Don't know what I was thinking. Please take care of yourself, bye.", he hangs up and collapses back on the chair.

Wonwoo watches through the blinds and he isn't new to this. Years ago Seungcheol had gone into a spiral, had almost given up on living post the breakup and now it hurts Wonwoo to see the history repeating itself.

So this time he promises to intervene for both of your sake, specially Seungcheol.

He has two things on his to-do list and though he isn't sure what the outcome will be, he's going to do them. He gathers everyone and let's them know of his plan.

"Mingyu, Eunsoo, Seungkwan", his gaze sweeps on the three, "You're gonna go and convince Y/N."

"I'll go to uncle and aunt.", Wonwoo says.

Eunsoo looks at him questionably, "We get our part. But are you sure your friend's gonna be okay?"

"Most importantly, I'm not sure how this will end because both of them are unpredictable as fuck.", Mingyu adds.

Seungkwan who was silent the whole time, speaks, "Guys, let's go for it. We will handle the aftermath.", he looks at Wonwoo, "You'll have to take care of Seungcheol because he's gonna hurt the most."

"It's better to be over it, Seungcheol deserves to know."

"What's wrong with you guys?", You ask absolutely astonished. All of your friends have suddenly busted into your house and are now advocating you on something that is supposed to be out of their box.

"Why are you suddenly siding with Seungcheol?", you say with a frown, "I'm feeling betrayed. I'm gonna call Chan now."

Eunsoo and Mingyu break into cold sweat knowing how scary your brother can be. Seungkwan sighs looking at the other two and gets that he has no other way but to sort down to what he's best at. He says, "Y/N, do you think we'd ever think ill of you? Do you think we'd be at your door because suddenly we felt emphatic towards Seungcheol? That's how lowly you think of us?"

The look on Mingyu and Eunsoo's faces are absolute comedic. They didn't expect Seungkwan would pull out his trump card.

Your gaze is unwavering when you say, "This won't work on me you know right?"

Seungkwan smiles, "Of course I know but we also know that you love Seungcheol and won't be happy without him. So we're saying all this just for your sake, not his, not anyone else's."

"You're wr-"

"You had 7 years but you couldn't get over him, even accepted his family just to marry him.", Seungkwan continues, "You had come across so many good men all these years but no one piqued your interest because you only had Seungcheol in your heart."

"Y/N, I did believe him when he said he fell in love again. I had seen the way he looked at you, the way he was protective around you. The way his eyes were always on you, radiating love. It may have started as an act but at some point it became real.", Eunsoo smiles at you, "He loves you."

"But Soo--"

"If you really loathed him, you wouldn't have waited for him to sign those divorce papers, you would have upsurged everything. You have the power to ruin the Chois wholly but you're just buying yourself some time.", Mingyi adds and immediately shifts to hug you, "What Seungcheol did was incredibly wrong, wait he didn't even do it. It was Jiah."

"Are you not getting Jiah did all just to separate you both again?", Seungkwan ask and you look at him wide eyed.

"She had done the exact thing years back and was successful. Please don't let her win again. If she can't have Seungcheol, she has planned all this for you to not have him as well.", Eunsoo voices out her concerns, "Don't let all these heartbreaks, tears and sacrifices go in vain just because of some misunderstandings. Don't do something you'd regret because you didn't mend it when you had a chance."

Your heart sinks at their words.

"Take your time but choose what you think is the best for you.", Eunsoo rubs your back gently, "Rationality shouldn't always take the stance, sometimes hearts should be listened to."

You take a deep breath and say, "Fine guys, I'll think about it."

The smile on their faces are unmatchable.

Seungcheol is worried when he receives a call from his mother asking him to urgently come to their house. Wonwoo is already waiting by the car and though Seungcheol asks if he knows anything he stays tight lipped throughout the ride.

"I'll be waiting for you right here. Call me if you need me.", Wonwoo says with an intone and for some reason it doesn't resonate well with Seungcheol.

He is led into his father's study where he sees both of his parents waiting. They are heartbroken seeing their only son. Seungcheol has lost weight, accumulated bags under red eyes, appearance unkempt.

"Take a seat.", his father says, "I have something to tell you and it's regarding Y/N."

Seungcheol immediately perks up at your mention. An eerie silence falls upon the room. Seungcheol's anxious gaze searches for his parents'.

"Y/N was forced to break up with you years ago. I had made her do so.", his father admits.

Seungcheol freezes. He thinks he's hearing things that are not supposed to make any sense.

"Ever since I had started the business I had been diligent to it. Dedication and honesty does account for success but so also being money minded and cunning. As years went by that consistency and success made me cling to riches, fame and status that came along with it.", his father says as he takes a seat gesturing him to do the same. "You must be remembering that we were facing financial crisis because one of our major investor had withdrawn. It had affected us greatly."

Seungcheol nods, "We were on the verge of facing bankruptcy."

"Since Jiah's father runs a finance company, we had made small sort of deals previously but that time the amount required was large and no one was willing to help us not even her father. But later Jiah came to me and offered me a deal."

"W-What deal?"

"That she would convince her father to provide us support only if", there's an ominous pause before Mr. Choi looks at him and says, "I remove Y/N out of your life."

A tear falls from his eye, as he hears the tale of betrayal from none other but his father.

"I have never liked Y/N, the reason was basic, she didn't belong to our circle. Initially I thought she was just a fling but so I agreed with Jiah."

Seungcheol is numb at this point, he just sorts to listening.

"One day I had brought in Y/N to let her know that she needs to find her way out of your life.", Mr. Choi's gaze falls, "She instantly refused. No matter what I said she wasn't willing to leave you. One meeting turned to two, two turned to three but she was hellbent on not letting you go."

"With Jiah constantly pressurizing me, threatening to nullify the deal if not taken action soon, I became desperate.", he confesses, "So I resorted to one thing I should have never done. I can never forgive myself for that."

You say in utter disbelief, "Why don't you tell your son to breakup with me instead? Stop pestering me, you know we both love each other and Mr. Choi let me make this clear, this is the last time I'm meeting you."

Mr. Choi gives you a sickening smile. He casually says, "Your brother is currently studying in Australia, if I'm not wrong."

You pale instantly, "W-What about him?"

"You're right, this is gonna be our last meeting. If you don't breakup with my son, I'm not sure what I'll do with your brother. What if you don't get to see your dear little brother anymore?"

"Mr. Choi, you can't do this. Please--"

"I'm not here to negotiate. I think you're smart enough to make the right choice. So tell me Y/N, what did you decide?"

You are crying and begging but there's no mercy reserved to spare for you. How are you supposed to choose between your brother and the love of your life? You will have to so you choose what's best for all, you choose both.

"Fine, I'll breakup with Seungcheol. So stay away from my brother."

Mr. Choi smiles in mirth, "You made the right descision. Rest assured."

With job being done, he is walking out of the hall when your call of his name reaches his ears.

He turns with an incredulous look on his face as he waits for you to speak.

"Promise me that you'll never tell Seungcheol about this incident.", comes your strained voice.

"I wasn't planning to anyways.", Mr. Choi says, "Even better for me, I promise to not tell Seungcheol about any of this."

Seungcheol runs to his father with the intention of doing something unspeakable but he stops right in front of him and collapses on the ground.

"How could you do this?", he sobs uncontrollably, "How could you stoop so low?", he balls his hands into fists and channels the anger on the floor, hitting it again and again that's when his mother steps in to stop him.

He looks at her and say, "How could you not tell me? How could you tolerate your husband even after knowing all this?", he then swats her away.

Getting up, he's gasping for air, unable to comprehend with the pain in his chest and head. Restlessness engulfs him but he doesn't let both of his parents to even touch him.

"I'm ashamed to call you both my parents.", he spats out, "I'll never forgive for ruining our lives. I hope all of this was worth it."

Then he's running out of the house ignoring the calls of his name. Wonwoo is immediately grabbing his friend, making him sit and drink water.

"You also knew but didn't tell me?", Seungcheol asks as fresh tears stream down his face.

"I only came to know recently and Cheol even if I had known, it's not my story to tell.", Wonwoo answers.

It takes Seungcheol over an hour to calm down.

"You don't need to attend me, I'm fine.", Seungcheol says stoicly, "You can go, I have somethings to take care of."

Though Wonwoo refutes but Seungcheol is adamant, leaving no choice for him but to obey his boss.

As soon as Wonwoo gets out of the car, Seungcheol drives off.

You are extremely tired, mentally and today for some reasons are you feel thinned out physically as well.

Staring at the cello, ominous thoughts fill in your mind. Because no matter how hard you try, you are unable to produce anything. There are no notes or no tunes, it's all blank.

And you're scared, what if music doesn't choose you anymore? What if you can't produce anything for the rest of your life? All these possibilities scares you enough to spend sleepless nights. It has disturbed your appetite as well.

Tossing and turning, as you've been doing for nights with minimal sleep at dawn hours, you sit up startled when the doorbell rings.

All the exhaustion is now replaced with concern when you see Seungcheol who continuously weeps at the door.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

Just a shake of head and he keeps on crying.

It's been about twenty minutes since he arrived crying and you're seriously considering about calling Wonwoo.

The way he's visibly hurting, hurts you too and you resort to hug him, patting his back, "If you're hurting because of me, please don't.", you say softly, tears pricking at your eyes subconsciously.

Seungcheol pulls away, looking at you. His sobs stop and the first thing he does is hold your face and kiss you. You're surprised, his lips graze yours but you don't kiss him back. Your hands push his chest and he's detaching himself mumbling a string of apologies.

"It was all for nothing.", he sounds so heartbroken when he speaks, "All those years spent in pain, hatred and resentment towards you, you didn't deserve any of it."

You have an inkling and it doesn't settle well in your bones, "Whatever you're saying is making no sense. Why are you here?"

Seungcheol looks dead in your eyes, "Because I know now. I know what happened all those years ago."

Your soul leaves your body at his words. You never wanted him to find out because you knew it'd tear him apart.

"W-Who told you?"

"Does it matter?"

And your very first instinct is to grab your phone and make a call to his father but Seungcheol doesn't let you. The phone gets snatched from your hands and thrown away somewhere.

"Why did you do it?", he asks and his questions irks you.

You scoff, "Are you seriously asking me why I did it after knowing everything? Seungcheol, I was threatened with my brother's life, what did you expect me to do?"

Seungcheol shakes his head, "No that Y/N. Why did you make dad promise you about not telling me about this?"

"What could I have done Seungcheol?", your voice cracks, "I loved you so much and trust me, I tried everything I could to be with you, to not hurt you but-- it killed me to lie to you. I went through hell and back trying to stop myself from telling you 'no I'm lying, please don't leave, I love you as much as you do'.

"That day I took your heart away.", You exhale sharply, "I didn't want to crush your soul as well, didn't want to make it anymore difficult for you then it already was. I knew how much you looked upto your father, how much you cherished your parents. I didn't want you to fight your family", your heart twinges as you continue, "Though it wasn't possible for me to love again, I prayed that you would move on, meet someone who'd make you forget all the sorrows I gave you. I wished for you to fall in love again and live happily."

You chuckled through your tears, "Won't lie, it would have hurt me but if it assured your happiness I'd have hurt myself all over again, all of the times."

Seungcheol observes you quietly, he absorbs your words to his heart.

"What does that make me, Y/N?", he asks defeated.

"You weren't at fault, Cheol. I chose what it seemed the best for all of us."

"I hated you, married you and plotted revenge. Hurt you and now indirectly lead to something that almost ruined your career.", he speaks as if he's narrating a monologue, "I kept wounding the wounded and siding with the foes."

"Stop blaming yourself. What you did was indeed wrong, you should have never attempted take a blow at my career. But years ago, even after all that you were ready to start again.", you remind him.

Seungcheol completely shuts himself out.

"Till yesterday, I was in a dilemma. They say if you love someone you should let them go. Call me selfish but I couldn't even think of parting ways with you. I wanted to fight for us. I'd have courted you until you got bored of me. I would have waited for a lifetime, even if you'd have moved on.", he avoids eye contact so that his resolution doesn't deter, "But how could I tie you to the people who tried to harm you, harm your family?"

"I won't beg for forgiveness anymore. Honestly, I don't want you to forgive us. If you're having second thoughts about us, discard them. Please just discard me.", he voices out in desperation, "Be selfish and choose yourself this one time."

He takes out a paper from his coat pocket which you recognise very well.

"Till yesterday signing these papers seemed impossible for me but it's surprising, how events turned out to be.", he takes your hand and places the paper saying, "I have signed them. This time I chose what's best for you."

There's a sickening churn in your stomach that makes you realise that there's nothing you can do.

"I love you, Y/N."

The weight of those words fall heavy on you as Seungcheol closes in.

"For one last time, please.", he says holding your face.

You incline towards him and instantly his lips are on yours. One of his hands now settle on your neck firmly as your lips dance on featherly. His other hand is gripping your waist to hold you in place. The saltiness of his tears burn on your tongue, making you suck in a gasp. His kisses you till his heart's content because it's a kiss of goodbye before resting his forehead on yours.

"Don't go", your strained voice whispers, "Please don't go."

Seungcheol whispers back, "I have to. Please don't stop me, I'm not strong enough to refuse you."

The tears stream down your face, "Would nothing I do be enough to stop you?"

"Y/N, please", he pleads, "You were right when you said we're not meant to be because I have only hurt you. I don't deserve you."

"Cheol..."

He steps back and you're suddenly engulfed by coldness.

"The chapter named Choi Seungcheol in your life ends right now.", he balls his hands, grits his teeth, does everything to not let those tears spill, "Since you might not submit the divorce papers, I have already handed over a copy to your attorney."

He turns back, rubbing his chest, the pain is unbearable.

"Cheol, please..."

"It's snowing so don't follow me outside, you'll catch a cold. Goodbye Y/N."

Then he leaves, from your house, apparently from your life.

And you realised not all stories have a happy ending, there's not always a happily ever after.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️

[byechristopher]

⠀

I hate you, too [pt.2].

– CHRIS STURNIOLO SMUT & ANGST.

PART ONE.

Author's note: HI, I finally wrote it. I originally made a poll but, the answer was pretty clear so, here it is. It was requested, by the way! I'll reply to the message because I forgot to put it here, thanks for the request, dear. Side note, I was listening to Never Lose Me – Flo Mili (during the smut part, obvi). Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: filthy smut, super super long, didn't proofread, rough smut, car sex, angst. That's pretty much it. Minors dni. Thank you.

It's been a week since the party I attended, the one where I encountered him.

My mind has been consumed by reflections on that night, so much that I haven't been able to do anything else other than that, except for work. While I assume he might not have dwelled on it, I can't help but wonder if he thinks about me – about the way we touched, the way I looked at him when he prepared to leave. When I didn't want him to leave.

I shake my head, realizing I can't continue this self-inflicted struggle. Accepting the ongoing intimacy with my ex was challenging enough, let alone having feelings that linger inside me, still to this day. I almost gave in that day, when I saw something in his eyes, something that said he still cared about me – mending my dress, that sweet kiss, his declaration of hatred, a reminder of our past. That we once hated each other and that's why we weren't together anymore. Or so we thought.

Deciding that just sitting here, mopping around and feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help at all, I get up determined to go outside and have some fun. No house parties, no hosts, no Chris, no nothing.

My friends are already up for it (and I love them for it), because it only takes ten minutes for them to come over so we can get all dolled up together. It's a few minutes past midnight and we're finally ready (okay, we did have a few pre-drinks then and there), so we immediately call a cab. We reach our destination just a few minutes later and after greeting the girl that was at the entrance of the club, she lets us in and we get lost in the crowd.

You know how it goes; flashing lights everywhere, people kissing and drinking, almost pitch black all around. Looks like clubs aren't that different from house parties after all. A group of friends offers to buy us drinks, and who are we to say no (there's no way we're dancing with any of them, but it's fine) – we're already having the time of our lives, we're drinking, we look amazing, everything seems possible.

Except for the impossible.

Because there's no fucking way Chris happens to be in this same club; I completely lose the ground beneath my feet. I want to turn my back to him, I really do. But at the same time I want him to see me again. I want to see him again.

My friends notice where I'm looking and they know better than to say anything – so they just leave me be. Chris notices me as well and everything stops. Not again. I hope he doesn't come here but deep down I'm praying he does.

"Never had a bitch like me in your life.."

What is it with me, Chris and songs that we both used to like (and have sex while listening to them)? He's looking at me, and I can feel his intense gaze once again. As he drinks something, for a moment, I wish I could see this sight up close, look how his tongue touches the glass. Fucking hell.

Me and my girlfriends sway to the music, letting every beat ignite a playful dance between us. As we keep each other close, the music wraps around us, and for a moment I forget about him. Lost in the rhythm, we surrender to the dance, singing along.

He's here. Well fuck.

He grabs me by the waist and pulls me closer to him – I can't help but roll my eyes, turning around to look into his blue ones, holding my own drink close to me.

"How dare you interrupt my dance?" I yell in his ear so he can hear and he smiles.

"I stayed to watch you for a bit before I approached and interrupted your dance. You were just too irresistible, damn." as usual, he has a big smirk on his face and I just want to slap it off his face.

His arm stays on my waist and I can't find the strength to push it away – his hand roams around my naked back thanks to my dress, not that I'm complaining. He leans in to wrap his lips around my straw, tasting my drink while looking at me.

"Tastes much better with that lipstick you're wearing.." he teases and licks his lips, "..bet you love it even more when it's around my dick." his gaze darkens and my legs shake a little.

"What a shame you'll never see it on you ever again." I give him a sarcastic smile and push him gently with one hand.

"You sure about that?" his lips are touching my ear and again, I hate myself for letting him have such an effect on me.

"Yes. I don't like sharing my lipsticks." I raise a challenging eyebrow, indirectly asking him if he's been fucking anyone else besides me – because if that's the case, I feel like I will completely lose myself.

"Mhmm.. you're already thinking about other girls sucking my dick?" he tilts his head with an innocent-like look on his face, "..jealous about it?" his thumb rubs my bottom lip and his smile returns.

My blood is boiling to say the least, but I know him way better than to show that. So instead, I smile, "I don't have time to think about your dick, baby. Someone else makes sure I don't." take that.

No one. Absolutely no one can make me stop thinking about him in general but I had to say something. Otherwise I might just start crying.

Something shifts in his eyes and I internally high-five myself for achieving to make him jealous once again. He leaves. What? He literally just lets me go and goes back to where his friend group is, turns his back on me and everything. Well, shit.

I'm more than jealous but I want him way more than our egoistic bullshit; I'm shameless, I want him.

I move swiftly through the crowd, desperately trying to find him before i change my mind – and I do find him. He doesn't really expect to see me there but he does and he smiles. I quickly wrap my fingers around his wrist this time, dragging him with me like he did in that house party the previous week. Safely, I lead us out of the club, making sure to not answer any of his questions.

Once he realises that I'm not speaking to him until we reach the car, he stops talking and simply follows me. We finally get into the car and I start the engine.

"Do you realise how crazy that was?" he finally says, he really didn't expect me to just do that.

"I thought you liked crazy." I smirk this time and he huffs, licking his lips and leaning back against the passenger seat, making himself comfortable.

Once I make sure we're somewhere where no one will be able to see us, I immediately stop the car, lock it and I practically jump on him, straddling his thighs. His hands immediately grab my hips, his mouth hungry, searching for my lips and his eyes even hungrier.

"You drive me fucking crazy." he almost growls as he quickly rides up my dress, exposing the rest of my thighs and panties.

I undo his shirt with shaky fingers, leaving it on but making sure I have access to his naked body. I almost attack his skin with hungry kisses and love bites as he keeps himself occupied with my butt, kneading and smacking the skin every now and then.

I wrap my lips around his nipple and now my lipstick is long gone – his moans fill the car, fogging up the windows as I continue sucking on his sensitive nipple. He pushes my panties to the side from behind, his finger traveling from my ass to my pussy, rubbing the entrance and collecting all of the juices. I can't help but moan against his skin. With his free hand, he grabs a fistful of my hair, tugging at it to make my head fall back – with my neck now exposed, he finds the opportunity to attack it with his kisses and bites. In the meantime, I unbuckle his belt, moaning every time his teeth sink into my sensitive skin.

His finger keeps teasing my wet entrance, but his other hand finally lets go of my hair and I immediately lean in to kiss his lips hungrily. As I sit up as much as I can, I push his pants down with a bit of his help, doing the same with his boxers as I start rubbing his cock.

"You must be very loyal to that other guy, hm?" he chuckles and wraps his hand around my throat.

"Your other girlfriends haven't been able to satisfy you, it seems. You're about to cum already..." I click my tongue, completely avoiding what he said to me, "..either that, or you're still obsessed with me.." I whisper, grinding down on his dick as he keeps grabbing me by the throat, "do you think they'd like that?"

He chuckles, moaning as soon as he feels the warmth and the wetness of my pussy, "do you think your little bitch will like it when he sees the marks I left for him?" he whispers, tightening the grip around my throat.

I groan, realising my neck must be all bruised up already. This fucking asshole.

Grabbing his dick again, I lower myself down on it as we both moan in unison – he immediately hugs me, his warm fingers digging into the skin of my back as I start to finally move.

"Fucking hell.." he whispers, his face buried in my neck as his hands cup my ass cheeks, guiding me up and down on his cock.

"Fuck.. Chris.." I moan loudly, one hand around him and the other one pressing against the car window, leaving a mark behind.

"Baby.. like that.." he mutters and I can feel myself clenching around him as soon as he calls me that.

He takes my breasts in his hands, squeezing them gently and kissing them with every chance he gets. I can feel him throbbing and I know it is almost time.

He immediately licks his fingers and presses them on my clit, making me stop my movements and tremble, my eyes roll to the back of my head.

"Don't stop. Keep going." he orders and I do exactly that. My burning thighs don't make it easy, especially in his goddamn car, but I don't care. As soon as I start moving up and down his dick again, his fingers start moving.

"Chris.. Chris, please.." I moan, gasping every time he picks up the pace. My breasts bounce with every movement, both of my hands now are on his shoulders supporting myself as I feel myself getting closer and closer.

"I wanna feel it, cum on me." he moans and his touch on my clit becomes as gentle as it can, and that's when I lose it. Once I come down from my high, he pulls out and cums all over my belly, almost shouting my name as he squeezes his eyes shut and grips my hips so hard that I'm sure it'll leave bruises behind.

It takes a while for me to start breathing normal again – and at the same time, I was afraid of what was going to happen when all of this stopped. But for now, I am trying to live in the moment as much as I can; he holds me in his arms tightly, I can feel his heartbeat and his breath tickling my hair, and I can swear I feel his fingertips caressing my back, drawing invisible circles on the skin.

I almost want to cry as he holds me close, I am so overwhelmed with emotions I didn't know I still had in me, that my hands start shaking.

"There's no one else. Only you." I whisper against his shoulder, my cheek pressed against it.

He takes a moment to respond, but he eventually does, "no other lipsticks for me either. Only yours." he whispers back.

This is what happens all the time ever since we parted ways – I call him, we have sex. He sees me outside, we have sex. We are ruthless, merciless, ready to tear each other apart without thinking of the consequences. So when we're finished, and all the hatred and lust is gone, what's left is two vulnerable, broken hearts and a love for each other that once existed.

I don't know how to react at his words. I feel relieved but I also feel angry, I feel hurt. Everything all at once.

"Come on." he says and makes me lean back against the dashboard. He grabs some baby wipes he keeps in his car and starts cleaning up my belly, my thighs, everywhere. He cleans himself up as well and throws them away in the little bin inside the car. He fixes my panties and my dress as well (as much as he can).

He tries to make me get up, but I stay in place. He looks at me but I don't move an inch, "can I ask you something?" I muster up the courage to ask.

"What is it?" he sighs, he knows something heavy is coming.

"Why are you so cold all the time?" he furrows his eyebrows at my question, and he looks like he is about to say a million reasons why what I just asked was stupid, "..so cold, playing it cool all the time, as if nothing happened." I say and I almost regret it.

"Are you fucking serious? What did you expect? You broke up with me, yet you still wanna have sex with me. Do you want me to be all lovey-dovey with you?" he narrows his eyes and I bite the inside of my cheek.

He's correct – what did I really expect? I vividly recall the day I ended our relationship; he was devastated, it was like something shifted within us since then. I was devastated, too. But the decision to break up felt necessary and inevitable. Our hectic schedules kept us apart for days on end. And being the jealous toxic assholes that we both are, this never ended well; it drove me nuts, I had to end it. However, ending the relationship doesn't mean my love for him ceased; on the contrary, I'll never stop loving him. And as for the sex.. well, it's pretty self-explanatory; he's the only one who knows what I like and what I don't. His touch is the only thing I knew for years. And that was the only way I could be close to him. I might've regretted that decision. Might've.

"No. But I would at least expect you to be respectful towards me, we were together for so long." I look down at my trembling fingers, there's pain in my voice.

"Yeah, well, do you know what else would be respectful? You, owning up to the decision you fucking made for the both of us." he's staring into my eyes, "when you break up with someone, especially when you've been with them for a long ass time, you don't go back to them. No matter what the situation is. That's what's respectful. But can you handle that?"

I don't know what to say. And I hate the fact that he's right – I know I fucked up.

"I don't think I can handle that, no." I say truthfully, my voice feels small and now I feel small too, in front of him.

"Yeah, well, that's your fucking problem now." he leans back against the passenger seat and clears his throat.

"Why do you come back?" I whisper, fearing the answer.

"You said it yourself that day. It's the only way to have you at the moment. And I'm taking it." now there's pain in his voice, "but do you realise how toxic that is? That's draining us way more than our schedule did." he runs his fingers through his hair and looks out of the window.

"So what are we supposed to do?" I ask. I feel so dumb.

"As I said. Own up to your decision. I never wanted to break up with you, which is why I never did. You should be the one who stops any contact between us. Not me. If I could, I would, trust me on this one." there's an emptiness in his eyes that I can not quite comprehend what it means. It doesn't let me see through him like I usually do.

"Chris.. damn it, I can't." I whisper, tears fill up my eyes but he's not having any of it.

"No, fuck off. You're fucking selfish." he's getting angry now, the vein in his neck is popping out, hands turning into fists and his knuckles turning white.

Fuck. It seems like everything I say is wrong. I want to just scream and cry and run away.

"I am not selfish, Chris. I am stupid.." I can't stop the tears that fill up my eyes, "..I never wanted to end things with you, I promise. I thought that.. that was the only way for us to calm the fuck down.. we were jealous, and crazy, and toxic." I let my hands fall on his lap.

"And what we're doing now is not toxic? How do you think I feel coming back to you after you broke up with me, just so we can fuck and tell each other we hate each other?" his jaw is clenched and his eyes are turning lighter. He's about to cry.

"I am sorry, Chris. I cannot imagine that, no.. I just.. I made a mistake.. and I am deeply sorry. I am paying for it as well.. this whole time, I really thought you just didn't care.. otherwise I would've made a move way sooner." I explain as much as I can, I am fully crying now.

He's holding back as much as he can – he collects me in his arms for yet another comforting hug when he notices I practically can't breathe, "first of all, breathe for me, okay? I need you to be calm so we can solve this." he rubs my back soothingly and my heart almost jumps out of my chest, because that's exactly who I fell in love with. That's the Chris I knew.

He does make me calm down way faster than I thought. I wipe away my tears and collect a single tear that left his eye as well.

"I love you. I always will." I whisper, cupping his cheeks.

"You know I love you too." his voice is very low, "I cannot stop loving you."

"Do you want to try again?" I whisper timidly, "I will try my best to make you trust me again." I say and I mean it.

"Pretty girl.." he mumbles, grabbing my chin gently, caressing it, "..you better try your hardest, hm?" he whispers and I nod like a little kid, "I promise to make more time for us, we deserve it. You deserve it."

⠀

⠀

⠀

[levmada]

Levi-isms translated from his heart<3

//taller!Reader, Levi can pick reader up, hcs, canonverse, so fucking sweet

1: "Are you blind? I’m busy.”

You moan in sheer agony from the doorway, and put on your best puppy dog eyes.

He scowls at you, or he might be just that tired. His eyes are so heavy it’s hard to tell the difference.

"But it's so cold and lonely without you. I’m even colder right now, as you can see.”

You’re not wearing pants.

Make the issue about him, and how important it is that he rests, and you get a scowl. Make it about you, and he stands up with frankly a bratty sigh, and runs his hand through his hair.

You smile sweetly as he nears. On the way, he undoes the top button of his pressed white shirt, giving you a glimpse of his adam’s apple.

you lean forward and kiss his cheek. "Missed you…”

He looks up at you, eyes softening, and ruffles your hair a little. "Ugh... So annoying…"

You care enough about me to lose sleep... I could never ask for something that you freely give up, and it drives me crazy. How can one person have this power over me, anyway?

2: He's too angry to even pace around the hospital tent. This fire rampages in his veins with his blood as lit gasoline.

He can't remain calm with your fingers clutched in your lap, broken, reduced to a mound of bandages that seem to captivate you; you refuse to look at him.

He tells himself that it's not necessarily you he's angry at, that yelling won’t mend broken bones—but he can’t contain himself.

"What the hell were you thinking!?” he blurts out. “Throwing yourself into harm's way isn’t fighting—it’s suicide for self-righteous fools. What will we do now that you’re useless?"

Why?? Why is it easy even for you to be taken away from me whether you devote your whole heart or not?—and you do. So I need you to be more careful. I can't be there all the time. What will I do to keep you alive from here? You'll cooperate with me, won't you?

I can’t believe this… but I don’t want you to be devoted; I want you to be safe.

3: You finish explaining your plan with an uncertain smile sent his way.

To be fair, it's quite the tall order to sneak into Hange's lab, but he can't see any holes in it. As long as you get in quick, Levi can have it cleaned before supper.

"Not bad. It just might work. But don't let it get to your head."

You're smart. Thanks for the help. But it’s not like I like you or anything…

4: "No worries." You beam. "I'll have them swept up in no time—with Mike's help too, of course."

Even if he tried, he couldn't smile at your confidence. There's never telling what will happen when it's a fight against the Titans.

He looks ahead, squinting through the wind whipping at his bangs. You're both coming up on the south end of the forest again. It's packed with trees that'd be perfect for setting up camp, if only it wasn't infested with Titans. Four separate squads are pushing in from each direction, with Levi's squad at the north where Mike smelled the most action.

It's risky... no surprise there. He doesn't have overwhelming positivity, but what he does have—en masse—is faith in you.

"Alright... Use your best judgment in there. Don't die. If there's a sign of anything you can't handle, don't be stupid to take it all on your own. Just shoot up a flare and someone will be on their way."

I'm sending you on your own, so I know that you're strong. You can take care of yourself. But still. Be careful, I love you.

5: “Quit resisting.”

“What’re you doing, arresting me??” you cackle as Levi lifts you off your feet. He even pins you over his shoulder while you cry out in laughter. “Baby, it was just a little more work…”

"Nope.” With hardly a grunt, he swings the door open that feeds into the hallway and begins the march to your quarters. “If you keep this up, no amount of caffeine is going to save you. And I won't be there to baby you when you pass out and fall on your face. You're going. I'll pick up the slack."

I don't want you to work yourself down to the bone so much that you're forced to rely on me... So take care of yourself, I'll manage the rest.

Levi masterlist | main masterlist

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Ghosted

Some Ruben angst to bless your feed. 😁 The picture is giving anxious Ruben.

Summary - Ruben and Reader has a fight whilst Ruben is on vacation with his friends.

Enjoy!

Ruben's friends teased him about it. About how the two of you had gotten into a fight over some picture of him in the club last night. He was still on vacation whilst you were at home in Manchester, working. The fight had happened over the phone. The phone that you currently weren't answering.

"Come on Ruben." His friends said. "Forget about her. We are on vacation for fucksake."

They had rented a small yacht for the day and blasted music loud enough to scare the fishes away. Ruben, however, was unable to enjoy himself. His thoughts were still of you and the fight you had. At one point Ruben looked so miserable that his brother took him aside. "Man, just call her and apologize." He said.

"You think so?"

Ruben's brother seemed to be the only one who understood the effect the fight with you had on him. His brother knew exactly how much you meant to Ruben.

"You know how women can get. The girls at the club were all over you last night. What did you expect her reaction to be seeing that picture that José posted?"

Ruben nodded. "You're probably right, I should call her. Tell José to delete that picture of me form his Instagram."

"Sure will brother. And here..." Ruben's brother tossed him his phone. "Since she won't answer when you call." He grinned.

Ruben waited until sundown, when the party on the boat had quiet down a bit and the guys were in their feels from all the alcohol.

"Hello?" You answered.

"It's me. " He said.

"God Ruben, you scared me."

"I did. Why?"

"Well, since it was your brother's number calling I thought somthing might have happened to you."

You still worried about him. A good sign, Ruben thought.

"What do you want?" You said, trying to maintain your angry voice even though you slipped up just then.

"I just called to say I'm sorry."

"You're sorry, for what?" You were hard on him, knowing he was just trying to break bread.

"For letting José post that picture of me and that girl?"

"And?"

"And the fight we had over the phone."

"And...?"

"I swear to God Y/N I'll apologize for whatever, but I can't come up with anything else I did wrong." Ruben ran a hand down his face. He was miserable. The long distance between you was one thing, but arguing with you from a long distance he simply couldn't do.

"Ruben I don't want you to make a list of apologies."

"No?"

"Of course not. I understand you're with your friends enjoying your well deserved vacation. But the way you spoke to me over the phone, like I was some annoying side piece you are fucking. I dunno Ruben, but it made me feel like you were trying to be something you're not in front of your friends. And if that is the case I don't think that it's going to work out between us."

"It's not...I mean I'm not!" Ruben exclaimed. "I'm not trying to be somone I'm not. I admit that I got a bit carried away during our fight, but your name you must believe me when I say that you're not some side piece. To me you're the main fucking course."

"Ruben." You chuckled.

Your laughter seemed to mend the sharp pain that he had felt in the pit of his stomach. It also restored his entire mood.

"I made you laugh. " He mumbled.

"Yeah, so?" You giggled.

"Does it mean you forgive me?"

"I forgive you."

"Good." All was well, he thought.

"But tell those Ibizian bitches to stay off my man!"

Ruben chuckled. "I'll be sure to tell them that."

[gegewrites]

James Wilson- make her mine(smut)

Requested by- @flowercrowns-goodvibes

(I hope I did your request (some what) justice)

Words- 5.9k

(In my nature, it’s skim edited and in 4 months when I get a surge of Motivation I’ll edit it)

5/28/23

Wilson's pov-

There's a new doctor in the hospital, (y/n) (l/n), neurology and general surgery. she's been here a few months. I see her quite a bit around the hospital, never going to the same place though. I'm coming, she's going. Though we've spoken, I've bought her lunch a few times before but couldn't stay afterwards or she was still working during her lunch. we've had chats on the elevator, or at the coffee machine a few times. But still no longer then five minutes. Yet, I can't seem to get out of my damn head. She's plagued me. I can't even ignore her, I see her I have to say something. Playing this...slow game is getting too annoying. I gotta make her mine.

"You're dummer then you look if you think she wants you." House said, not looking away from the sudoku on his computer. I was sat in the chair in front of his glass desk, it was lunch, we already ate.

"Why wouldn't she want me? I'm nothing like you."  I remarked and he glanced at me before  turning his chair to face me fully,"here we go."

"Is she broken?" He asked and I shrugged my shoulders,"how much have you talked to her?"

"We've talked in passing, a couple elevator rides. I've even bought be her lunch before." I pointed at him and he rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer.

"You've boughten me lunch before, does that mean you wanna fuck me too?" He gave me a fake concerned look at I scoffed at him.

"I think if I wanted to I would've already." I joked, a chuckle tinting my voice,"but seriously, why wouldn't she like me?"

"If she's broken- like I'm sure she is, then she's gonna get bored of you like all the others after you start mending her back to health." He closed the tab on his computer, finishing the sheet, and turning back to me.

"What if she's not broken?" I pressed,"what if she's perfect?"

"Everyone's broken. You have brother trauma and you blame yourself for it all, and let's not forget the depression. Which will spike when you start to feel her becoming detached from you." He crossed his arms and glanced over at the conference room before groaning. I looked over and saw that chase and foreman were in there.

"Ya know what-" He cut me off.

"I've seen her at the pharmacy getting a prescription filled two times a month since she's been here. She broken trust me."

"this is a perfect time to end this conversation." I stood up from the chair and looked at my watch,"she's working the clinic right now."

"So now it's time to go creep around?"

"More like get my hours for the day in, be there to offer assistance if needed." He looked at me plainly before holding his face in his palm shaking his head.

"You are desperate." He finally looked back up at me.

"And now I'm leaving."

Your pov-

I signed Into the clinic and grabbed a folder from the stack on the desk and took a look inside. Kid has a fever, a rash on his chest. Easy enough.

"Hey (l/n)." I heard behind me to I looked over my shoulder and saw Dr.Wilson signing in.

"Hey Wilson." I smiled, holding the folder in one hand against my side,"how's that patient by the way?" The last time we were in an elevator together he told me about a patient of his, It sounded interesting so I wanted to catch up.

"I think we caught it just in time." He grabbed a folder from the Stack,"what did you get?"

"Kid has a fever and a rash, room three. You?"

"Four day headache." He answered,"room five."

"Then I guess I'll see you in a bit." I started walking away and he smiled and nodded.

He was charming. His presence was charming. It was a bit sad that I didn't see him all the time, I specialized in general surgery and neurology. You'd think we'd see each other more, neurology and oncology work close together in most cases, but that hasn't happened yet.

I opened the door to exam room three, and closed it behind me. A brunette mother was standing next to the bed, her seven year old son playing with a Gameboy.

"Hello I'm Dr.(l/n)." I greeted them as I opened the folder again, holding it in my left arm.

"Mary." She introduced her self.

"so..Conner here has a rash and a fever?"

"A hundred point two this morning, and it's On his chest." She looked down to him, and gently took the gameboy away from him and out in her purse which was over her shoulder,"he's had the rash for two days, the fever came this morning."

"Any history I should know about? Recent trav-"

"No nothing like that. He just got this rash the other day, sore throat." I nodded walking past her. I put the folder down on the counter and grabbed a pair of gloves, starting with my right hand.

"I see you like Mario?" I looked at Conner and he nodded with a smile. I put on the left,"so how are you feeling?"

"My throat hurts." His voice was a little scratchy. I grabbed a popsicle stick from the drawer, taking off the paper wrap and putting it in the counter.

"I'm gonna check your throat alright? Open wide and stick your tongue out." I grabbed a mini flashlight from my pocket, placing the popsicle stick down on his tongue and shining the light,"have you looked at his throat?"

"It was red the other day." Mom said waling around to look. His tonsils had some white around and in them,"oh god."

"Mm." I hummed, taking the stick away and placing it on the paper wrap, putting the light back in my pocket,"can you lift your shirt for me so I can see this rash?"

He lifted it and I saw mini hives on his chest, a few bumps spreading onto his lower neck.

"Those hives showed up today."I gave her a nod, motioning for Conner to put his shirt down.

"We'll run some tests. It's  most likely a strep. There a breakout at school?" I picked up the popsicle stick and paper, pressing my door down on the lever of the trash can and dropped it In. The lid closed with a metal thud.

"Not that I'm aware of."   Gave her a nod and heard the door open.  So I looked over, Wilson in the door.

"I need you to take a look at this patient."  He said.

"Excuse me," I pulled the blue gloves off and threw them in the trash,"I'm gonna have a nurse  come and do your strep test, and I'll be back when that's ready."

"And if it strep?" This is definitely her first child.

"Then I'll prescribe Conner  some antibiotics and a lidocaine throat gargle for his throat."  Wilson walked out of the door and stood outside of exam five. I flagged down a nurse and told her what to do as Wilson handed me the blue folder for the patient.

I skimmed it through, his name was Mark, and it seemed like he was a healthy man. Participated in 2ks and 5ks regularly, works at the college teaching anthropology courses.

"Migraine." I said, noting the reason for coming here.

I kept it in hand as I pushed the door open.

The room had the blinds shut, the patient was laying down, his legs hanging off the exam bed, and arm rested on his head covering his eyes.

"Mr.Swan?" I asked gently as Wilson closed the door. He slowly sat up, as if trying to not make his head pound, which didn't work when he winced as he fully sat up,"bad one?"

"Yeah." He lightly chuckled and I handed the folder back to wilson.

"You're gonna hate me for a bit." I grabbed my flashlight from my pocket and held it up,"but I need to check your pupils. Wilson will you open the blinds?"

"This is gonna suck." Mr.Swan closed his eyes as Wilson twisted the blinds open, the room quickly lighting up with natural light.

He soon let his eyes open, blinking a few times. His eyes were a bit red, common with migraines. I clicked the flashlight on, snd gave him a look asking if he was ready, he nodded.

I shined it in his right eyes. The pupil retreated and i moved the light away before doing it again. Same response. I shun it in his left eyes. He had brown eyes so his pupils blended into the corneas in normal light. But, when I shun the light in his eyes, his pupil was dilated, and didn't react.

"Your left pupil is dilated and non reactive." I told him, dropping the flashlight into my pocket. I looked over at Wilson who was already looking at me, leaning against the counter, I looked back to Mr.swan,"have you been training hard lately?  Going through some stress?"

"No." He answered and I nodded, I looked over at Wilson, his arms crossed over his chest," get an MRI, a CT, and some extra strength Advil for while hes waiting. Bring me the scans when they're done, and focus on the left side."

"Of course."

Wilson's pov-

An hour later-

I walked down the Neuro hallway, walking to the conference room. I had the file with the  patients scans in my hand. I know after she left the patients room she picked up another patient and checked in on the kid with the strep when his test came back, but I asked one of her colleges when I left the clinic and they said she was up here. And she was.

She was sitting at the conference table, looking down at a blue folder, her left hand wrapped around a mug. No one else was in there, just her. It'd be easy to close the blinds around the glass walled office, push her up against the table-okay that's enough. 

I let out a  breath and walked up to the door and pushed it open. She looked up at me and then down to my hand.

"There's those scans." She out her mug down and reached for them, I handed her the file as I pulled the seat diagonal from her and sat down.

"Mri  had a bit of a waitlist." I said as she opened the file, I finally noticed how nice the baby blue color of her blouse looked one her, I didn't pay attention to it before. Probably because her coat is off.

"I heard some people complaining about it." She looked at the mri scans quickly before moving them to the side, and looking at the Ct scans,"it's definitely a migraine."

"But for four days?" I questioned as she stood up, grabbing the mri scans and the Ct.

She put them up on the light board against the wall. Standing with he hands on her hips, her weight shifted to her right side as she leaned on her leg. I just looked at her as she looked at the scans. Im actually working with her today. Fuck you, House.

"Did you look at these yet?" She looked back at me and I shook my head standing up, taking the clue to come look. She pointed to the CT scan,"a tumor."

"Didn't catch that in the MRI." I crossed my arms over my chest,"so it's pressing against the nerves, causing the headache."

"That thing needs to be out by...I say nine AM tomorrow, that's if it's not brain cancer." We looked at each other and back to the scan.

"I'll get him in to get it biopsied." I took note of the scent of her perfume. A sweet rose scent, and undertone of almond. Light enough to not bother you, yet strong enough to make you near addicted.

"Tonight?"

"Preferably within the next half hour, he's in room Forty two A if you wanna stop by." I said as I slowly back up to the door as she took the scans off the light board,"if I don't see you when he's done then ill come find you."

"Ill see you then Wilson." She smiled as She went back to her seat, putting the scans back in the file. I opened the door and took a left.

Your pov-

Twenty minutes later-

I pressed the down button for the elevator. The numbers quickly changed, coming up from floor two.  The door opened and immediately I saw Dr.House leaning against the back wall.I knew he had a thing about sharing elevators.

"This is perfect, we need to talk." I nodded and walked into the elevator quickly because the door was staring to close.

"This about Mark Swan?" I asked unsurely. Maybe Wilson told him about it. I looked at the buttons and the button to the second floor was already pressed, weird considering he just came from there. I leaned against the right wall.

"No, this is about Wilson." He leaned off the wall and walked to the front of the elevator, repeatedly pressing the door close button when it reached the second floor. My brows furrowed at the action and the elevator resumed going down.

"Okay?"  He leaned against the wall in front of me, his grip on his cane shifting.

"I haven't even talked to you since you've come here, yet everyday I hear about you." I gave him an even bigger look of confusion,"you have Wilson on a string and you don't even know it."

" we've barely even talked."

"The amount you two have is enough for him." The doors opened to the basement,"follow me."

"So Wilson's got a school girl crush on me?" I asked following behind him.

"Oh I wish." He shook his head and took a right going towards the labs,"prefer him blushing then obsessing."

"He's not obsessed." I denied and he stopped walking, turned around and looked at me like I was fucking dumb.

"He buys your lunch often, makes an effort to talk to you whenever he can but won't interrupt you, and all I hear is how much he wants you."  He looked at me for a second, and I took a breath, not realizing I was even holding my breath,"so for my sake...fuck him already."

"What?"

"Are you broken?" He randomly snd promptly asked. I didn't know what he meant,"never mind, surgeons are usually broken in some way."

I went to speak but he turned and walked away, again, so it felt useless to say anything.  I was kind of stunned. I enjoyed seeing Wilson when I did, I enjoyed talking to him, I appreciated that he buys my lunch like three times a week. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't feel something for him,

I spun on my heel and walked back towards the elevator, my mind running over what I just heard from House, starting to connect dots.

But broken? I couldn't understand that one.

Wilson's pov-

7pm-

I walked out onto the porch connect to my office, I came out cause I saw House leaning on  the wall next to mine, looking into my office.

"How's your case going?" He asked as the door closed behind me.

"Fine." I answered him,"hell get it removed tomorrow, he's jacked on meds to keep his pain down."

"Lucky fella." He sat on the edge of his wall,"how's the other thing going?"

"Also fine." I sat down on the edge of my wall like he did, my right foot acting as some stability. I was facing the hospital, my back to the scenery.

"No details?" He leaned back a bit but then leaned back In, his forearm sitting on his left thigh.

"So now you want details?" He gave me a slight shrugged and I rolled my eyes with a sigh,"I think we work well together."

"That's it?"

"Yes? What do you want me to say?" I slid off the wall, standing in both feet and looking at him,"that  She looks hot when looking at scans? That The shirt she's wearing fits in all the right spots and don't even get me started on how her ass looks in Her pants?"

"That's more like it," his grip on his cane tightened as he stood up,"I'll be back, don't move."

I watched him walk away as I put my hands on my hips. He walked into his office, and a minute later he came back out with a tan folder.

"She's definitely broken." He handed it over. It's was (y/n)s files.

Your pov-

I walked past diagnostics, seeing the light on in Houses Office. I didn't stop there, I turned down the short hall after it and stopped in front of Wilson's door. The blinds were closed so I Gave it a light knock before pulling it open and letting it close behind me.

"I thought you went home?" He put down what he was looking at to give me his immediate attention.

"No, not yet." I slid off my doctors coat and draped it over the back of the chair in front of his desk, the same one I took a seat in,"what are you doing?"

"Going over a patients medical history." He answered and closed the file,"seeing if they're on any medications or have taken anything. Just trying to find something."

"For Mr.swan?" I questioned and he shook his head, leaning back in his chair,"did you get a consult planned for him?"

"Tomorrow at 8am." I nodded, there was silence between us for a bit but I spoke again,"why'd it take you this long?"

"To do what?" The right corner of his lip curled in a slight smirk.

"To talk to me, get me on your case." I leaned towards the desk.

"I had to make sure it was the right time. You were working the clinic today, i had the same time free, it was perfect." He shrugged his shoulders."plus, I kinda got pushed to do it."

"House?" He raised his brow at me,"we talked in the elevator."

"Really?" He leaned forward, his forearms on the desk,"and what's he tell you?"

"Not much, just how much you talk about me." I stood up a bit to look at the record on his desk, and he didn't try to hide it,"he asked me if I was 'broken'."

"Well, you're not as broken as the others."  The file on his desk was my file. My medical history,"just antidepressants that you've been taking since seventeen."

"And don't forget the bi-weekly therapy." I reminded him.

"Which you haven't been to since you moved here." He noted,"noted that you promptly ended a session and told her you weren't coming back."

"That's how I remember it." I shrugged, for some reason I didn't feel violated that he looked at my records without my permission, and I desperately wanted to know where this was going.

"What made you do That?" He asked getting up from his chair, taking off his doctors coat and placing it on his chair and I leaned back in mine.

"My psych wanted to try a new medication, threw me into a spiral. I'm switched back to lexipro now, as I'm sure you know." Broken, this is what House meant by broken.

He leaned against the edge of his desk and nodded. I kept my eyes up at him, and he kept his eyes down on me.

"You asked me why it took me this long to get you on my case...but you never asked me to get on your case." He crossed his arms over his chest, flattening out the white button up snd his red tie.

"Wasn't really sure what the head of oncology does with his hours. Never was really sure how busy you were." I held my hands in my lap and he chuckled, his normal light chuckle.

"I've always got time for you." He answered,"the doors always open."

"I'm glad I know that now." I smiled, my head turning to look at the door to his offices porch, and then I looked back at him again,"wish I'd known it sooner, instead of eating lunch alone in Neuro, I could've been in here."

"At least now you know." His eyes still haven't left me, I knew there was something else he wanted, I coukd just feel it.

"I've heard stuff about you." He pushed uff the desk and walked over the couch, I turned s bit in the chair to look at him better when he sat down,"got a list of ex wives."

"Only three, they got bored. I have a tendency to go for people on the..unbalanced side do the scale." His eyes finally shifted to the window and back to me.

"So I'm on the unbalanced side?"

"Don't take it offensively, most people are. That includes me as well, believe it or not it's clinic depression." He admitted snd i nodded, taking in the information.

"People who struggle tend to grab onto others who struggle. Makes them feel better watching the other thrive, but then the healer they doesn't thrive." I explained and he nodded to every word, relating to it.

"All three marriages."

"What we're they missing?" I stood up from the chair and walked over the couch, sitting on the right side of him, angled into the corner to look at him better.

"I don't even know. I did my part I know that. People just get bored, they move on while being committed."

"Because you healed them."

"So what I'm getting is that I can't heal you, so that means that you're a top choice?" He twisted s bit to look at me better, his right arm resting on top of the head of the couch.

"I guess?"

"Because that what I see. A top choice." His eyes trailed down and back up my body in the last part. I felt my pulse being harder, more prominent in my neck and chest. All that from his look,"you're smart, you walk and talk with confidence. By what I've heard you don't second guess yourself, not in s risky way."

"Because I know what I'm doing, the one thing I don't know what I'm doing...is how I'm affecting you." He looked away from me, his eyes at his desk,"because House said that I should fuck you for his own sake."

"Did he really?" He looked back st me quickly and I nodded,"cats out of that bag now."

"What do you think about me?" I moved closer to him.

"You want the truth?" His brow cocked a bit and I nodded,"I can't help but imagine what you would look like bent over a desk or a table any time I see you at one. Your clothing always fits in the right spots, makes it hard to ignore you in the hallway, I simply can't, and after you leave my presence you're in my mind till I see you again."

"Do I keep you up at night?"

"You have no clue." His left hand sat on my thigh now, that's how close I was to him,"crazy dreams about you."

"Like what?" I wanted to pick his brain apart. He didn't answer, but he was seeing the dreams in his head,"tell me."

"How badly I wanna fuck a kid into you." If I was gonna have anyone's children, it might as well be his, and that sentence went right to my pussy.

"I'm not carrying a child without a ring and a marriage license." I marked and he nodded and quickly responded.

"I get easily get you one tomorrow."

"Make it six months, minimum." I took the chance to lean forward, and catch his lips to mine which he quickly reacted to. He held my thigh tighter, the hand that was on the head of the couch came to hold my jaw. I grabbed his tie, pulling him closer.

His lips were soft and near addictive, and he moved them with mine, his grip holding my jaw a bit harder along the edge of it by my ear.

I leaned back, taking him down to the couch with me his hand sliding up my thigh to my hip, his right knee in between my legs. His right leg and my left leg both off the couch. In seconds it was heated, our tongues clashing against each other languidly, I loosened his tie and started undoing the buttons to his white shirt. Taking my time, feeling each button, my brain obsessed with his lips and tongue at the moment. He pulled away from me, his lips a bit more red then before and he slid his tie off over his head, dropping it to the coffee table. I finished off with his last button and he slid it off, letting it hit the floor. He looked good with his clothes on, and he looks even better when they start to come off.

Wilson's pov-

A little bit later-

"Jesus."I sighed out,, my head resting on the head of the couch, my hand in (y/n)s hair, one holding into the arm of the couch  as she held my thighs. Her head bobbing up and down as she sucked my cock. Mouth of an absolute Angel, everything I thought it'd be. My top teeth bit down and dragged lightly over my bottom lip, letting it go as I exhaled. 

I looked at down at her, meeting her gorgeous (e/c) eyes looking up at me through her lashes. She still had her panties on, light blue like the shirt, lace trim on the upper and bottom hems. She looked gorgeous on her knees, the way her back arched slightly, and when's she's sitting up, not sucking my dick, her waist has the perfect curve to it, her thighs plush, and her breasts looked absolutely fantastic.

I felt my right lip rug up into a smirk, the tip of my tongue brushed under my top teeth and she closed her eyes. I let my head fall back as she took me deeper in her throat the next time she bobbed down, he tongue running flat along the underside of my cock and I felt it tenfold. My fist held her hair tighter, just holding. I'd be crazy to try and take over what she was doing. Her tongue slid up my base, swirling around my tip, and sliding back down my base, her lips still sucked around me.

I took a deep breath as my abs  tightened, I let out a groan and a "fuck" followed after it. I felt her hands slide down my thigh and leave once it reached my knee. She sucked harder, which i didn't know was possible, and she hummed around me.

"My god." My hips rose a bit , but not much, just a reaction from the deep breath I took. Her hand never returned to me so I opened my eyes and looked down at her. Her hand was inside her panties,rubbing her clit slowly, her hips rocking lightly.

I couldn't stop looking at her, feeling my cock Twitch against her tongue and the inside of her cheeks. My breathing became deeper and faster, my eyes closing on their own. I could feel the high in my head as my head fel back again. Her hand left my thigh and gripped the base of my cock, Pumping it as she focused on the upper half.

"Just like that." I groaned out, and with a few more pumps I was shooting into her mouth, she kept sucking and pumping, as groaned out her name, my hips bucking up slightly. My whole abdomen tightening as I came. She swallowed around me before popping off, her hand slowing  down to a stop shortly after. 

I left out a sharp sigh as my hand released her hair, I looked down at her again, her lips wet and puffy, her eyes glossed over, her cheeks blushed, her chest rising and falling as she caught her breath.

"You are..fucking amazing." I chuckled out and she smiled, putting a hand on my thigh to help her stand up. I leaned forward to grab her hips to help stabilize her.

"And you have a good diet." She pointed out, I let my fingers hook into her panties, and I pulled them down her legs. She took over and then kicked them away to join the rest of our clothes on the floor. She stood up straight, looking down at me,"how do you want me Wilson?"

"Get on the couch." I could feel myself getting harder again as I stood up. She knelt down on the couch, her forearms on the head of it, sticking her out at me as she shifted to widen her legs.

I let my hands slide down her waist, along her hips, and she rested her left cheek on her forearm as she looked back at me. I took hold of my cock, stroking it from base to tip.

"Fuck me Wilson." Her voice was breathy and needy, sounding like a whisper but it wasn't. I took hold on her left thigh and pulled her closer to me, running my tip in between her wet folds savoring the feeling of it. Swiping it against her clit, gaining a whimper from her as she looked forward, as much as she could with the wall in front of her. I circled my tip around her soaked core, before sliding my tip in. I groaned and she let out a moan at the same time, she was tight. Just perfect though.

I slid in a bit more and she pushed back to me, so I pushed my full length into her. Her walls squeezing me as she pushed her chest into the couch. A shaky moan that came from her throat, but never left her mouth came from her. I held onto her waist as I slowly pulled back from her before pushing back in, feeling the resistance of her walls yet ease because of how wet she was.  Her forehead sat on the back of her hands, soft moans leaving her lips each time my tip came back to hit that soft spot in her.

"Please go faster." She breathed out, so I did. Suck my dick like that and I'm gonna do anything you say. I started building up a rhythm, pulling out to my tip and rocking my hips back in to her deeply, my hip bones pressing against her ass,"ohmygod."

"You feel so fucking good." I groaned out, leaning down press a kiss on her shoulder,"so good."

 

Your pov-

Wilson was pounding up into me, a hand holding onto my throat, to keep my shoulder blades against his chest, I was holding onto that's hands wrist, keeping him there. I reached behind me, my nails digging into his shoulder, his other hands rubbing my clit. My moans were uncontrollable due to how deep be fucking into me, his tip rubbing against my gspot without missing a beat. My head head felt dizzy as it fell against his shoulder, my abdomen muscles were tightening and loosening, nearly spasming. My thigh muscles twitching from the constant harsh attention to clit, setting my nerves on fire.   My walls fluttered around him, his groans filled my ear, along with the shirt praises he whispered to me. Small kisses under my ear and side of my neck.

"Gonna cum." I shuddered into him his hand leaving my neck to hold firmly onto my ribs, I didn't let go, my grip tightening around his bone. Electric spiked up my spine, my walls convulsing around him, and i felt his cock Twitch. Once. Then twice.

"Just a little bit longer."  So I waited, my brain focusing on how his fingers moved without stopping or faltering. How he held me closer to his chest.

"Wilson-"

"Let go." He said, and I did. Crumbling in his grasp as my orgasm broke through me, kept kept fucking into me. My cum coating his cock and the inside of my thighs. A "fuck me" came out of his mouth before he released into me, he kept pounding up into me, but his hand left my clit and held onto my waist.  My back was hot against his chest, my hairline dampened, my breathing fast, same as him. 

He slowed down, and I let go of his shoulder and wrist. he leaned forward and I grabbed the top of the couch, both his hands sitting on my hips, holding my lower half up as my upper half relaxed onto the couch.

"Holy fucking shit." I breathed out, my voice higher in pitch.

"Amen." He breathed out. Slowly pulling out of me, feeling his cum drip down the inside of my legs as he let my hips go. My lower half sitting down. I felt the couch dip next to me as he fell into the couch, a hand on my back rubbing up and down my spine. I took deep breaths and moved my head to rest my cheek on my hands and look at him for the first time in..I don't know how long it's been, all I can count it by was how that was the second time I came.

He had a blissed smirk on his face looking at me with awe.

"What time do you get out tomorrow? I could take you out for dinner." He offered I smiled.

"I get off at five." I answered and he nodded sharply.

"I'll make reservations in the morning." I moved to sit down properly on the couch, leaning against him as his arm wrapped over my shoulders.

We talked for a bit as we came down, before being interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Busy!" Wilson called out looking over at  the door.

"Sounds like it!"  It was house,"these walls are very thin by the way!"

"Noted House!" He yelled back, he waited a second for a response but it didn't come.

"Should be interesting for you tomorrow." I giggled and he shook his head.

"Never gonna hear the end of it, but at least i proved him wrong. He didn't think you had any interest in me."

"He should stick to medical diagnosis's, not social ones." I sat forward, his hand falling from my right shoulder,"I have to go, got a consult for a tumor removal at eight AM."

"At least-" I cut him off begire he could offer to clean me up. How charming.

"Clean up your couch, ill be fine." I picked up my blue panties as I stood up, slipping them into my legs and pulling them up.

"I can walk you to your car." He sat forward, I picked up his pants and boxers and handed them to him, his shirt was somewhere else in the room.

"How charming." I put my button up on the arm of the couch as I stood up with my pants starting to put them on,"you can walk me to elevator."

"Sounds great."

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Hi, I just recently came across your blog and I really liked your stories "human pet" and "baby".

You've done a great job, keep it up.

And I have a request: Could you, when you have the opportunity, write about the Bully x fem!nerd! reader?

(He hurts her cuz he likes her stereotype imaged above)

Yandere!Bully x Fem!Reader

Very small drabble CW: Bullying

He just wanted to get her attention.

At first, anyway.

Simon wasn't always a bully. As a younger child his anxiety was so bad that he distanced himself from his peers, unintentionally ostracizing himself. The less interaction he had with others his age, the worse he became at communication. When he did try to talk to his classmates, his words always came out wrong, or were misinterpreted, which caused him to feel flustered and get angry.

So, in order to save himself the embarrassment, he stopped trying. And he was perfectly fine being alone; without friends or enemies.

Until one day, he saw (Reader) for the first time.

The single most beautiful person he'd ever seen. Her laughter ripped through his chest, and the scent of her body wash made his head feel fuzzy.

(Reader) never saw him. Simon had succeeded in making himself invisible, so much so that even if he stood right in (Reader's) path on the sidewalk, she would side step around him.

One day, she did just that, casually maneuvering around Simon without so much as making eye contact.

Simon didn't mean to hurt her.

His hand reached out before the thought fully formed in his head. He just wanted her to look at him, so maybe he was just reaching out to grab her shoulder? It happened so quickly, that Simon didn't comprehend what he was doing until (Reader) was knocked over, hitting the asphalt.

But it worked.

(Reader) rolled over, startled, staring at Simon with doe like eyes, shaking a little from the sudden impact of her fall. And any sympathy he had for accidentally hurting her immediately flew out the window when he realized that, for once, she was looking at him and only him.

"Next time, don't ignore me." Simon hadn't intended on sounding so threatening, it just came out that way.

She nodded before scrambling to her feet, grabbing her belongings and dashing away.

Having (Reader) look at him was.. exhilarating. It was so intoxicating that when she turned away and robbed Simon of her sight, it felt like a piece of him was stolen away.

He needed to have that again. He didn't feel bad about what he did because he had been rewarded with (Reader's) undivided attention, but planned an apology for when he would later see her at lunch, to mend the misunderstanding and, eventually, form a beautiful relationship with her. However, when lunch came around, and he was excitedly rehearsing his faux apology, Simon saw (Reader) from across the courtyard; he watched her notice him, then speed off in the opposite direction.

Simon forgot the apology. She saw him. She looked at him. And she had the audacity to run away?

The lanky young man chased her down, finding her quickly and cornering her behind the gymnasium.

"I thought I said to not ignore me?" Simon said with a tight smile.

"Please don't-"

"You really hurt my feelings, (Reader)." Simon interrupted, shocking the young woman. For the life of her, she couldn't recall who this person was, and Simon could see that on her face.

"I'm sorry.."

"You're sorry?" He didn't know why he was being so mean, but the words just kept tumbling out of his mouth at a speed he couldn't control. It was empowering having (Reader) acknowledge his existence, even if it was by cowering in fear. "That's not good enough."

He grabbed (Reader's) face with one hand, squishing her cheeks together, distorting her shocked gasp.

"You're never going to ignore me again, you hear me?"

"Yed." (Yes)

Simon gripped her jaw tighter, making her wince. "I think you and I are going to be best friends.. isn't that right, (Reader)?"

When she refused to answer Simon forcibly made her nod her head with his hand.

All he could think about was kissing her soft looking lips puckered up between his thumb and pointer finger. But that would have to wait. She shook in his hand, and was clearly sniffling back tears. But Simon still didn't feel any guilt.

He didn't mind becoming (Reader's) bully, as long as it meant that she continued paying attention to him and only him.

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long! And I'm sorry that it ended up a short drabble ☹️ sometimes, inspiration robs me of my sleep, other times out pumps out onr sentence and thinks it's done lol

[kanmom51]

Jikook in Japan November 2023

What we have so far.

First thing first, I want to thank all of you for your good wishes in the comments to my last post. I did miss you guys, and I'm hopefully on the mend, if not fully there yet.

So, JM and JK in Japan. Do we all see just how big that is? We know just how important their trip was in 2018, they told us all about it ever since. And now we have them travelling to Japan again, one last trip before enlistment. Together. They spend time in Tokyo (we know cause they flew into Tokyo - great detective work going on here - and the pics that JM posted on his IG - and I'll get to that soon too). But they are also travelled to Sapporo, where they are right now. Sapporo, where this happened back in 2016, just to remind you all.

Anyways, let's go back a sec to their departure. Cause why not, really?

As they walked into the terminal JM signalling JK to come in closer to him.

And after going through the departure doors while waiting for their security check.

Same same...

JM came to us last night posting on IG with two "my boyfriend too my photo" pics.

Are they doing a walk down memory lane? Is JM sending us down memory lane? I mean, let's get real here. They know. They see it all. They knew about the threats and hate preceding their trip, they know about Jikookers talking up this trip, Jikookers love of GCFT. And in saying that, was his choice of pics posted just random or purposeful? My bet is on the latter. Everything JM does is thought out. That is, until he has JK standing right in front of him. That's when he loses control, lol. And that, my friends, is why JM is unwilling (and probably rightfully so, as hard as this is for me to admit) to go live with JK. I kind of think that JK realised the same of late, after that live tiddy grab, lol.

JM posted at 11:44 pm or 23:44 pm. And here are the numbers.

I'm done with "it's a coincidence", cause it is not. It wasn't when JK started lives at 11:08. It wasn't when JK posted his letter to Army at 6:13. And it's not now either. At this point that's what I believe. Take it or leave it.

And just incase those that saw them leaving for Japan and are still struggling to come to terms that perhaps the two are literally travelling together, we had someone that saw them together in said restaurant eating together, sitting at a table for 2 (and not for the lack of bigger tables available at the restaurant).

We also saw the two leaving for Sapporo. Of course, again, said very 'nice' - NOT - people having a field day with them not caught in one frame on their way out of Tokyo.

And I guess just for these 'nice' people's benefit (not really, but am I a bad petty person for being glad they got this right in their faces??) we had the two arriving in Sapporo TOGETHER.

Also looks familiar.

And did I mention the matchy matchy grey coloured sweatshirts?

At this point nothing surprises me anymore.

So Sapporo. A winter paradise. A city known for it's beer and breweries. The city that recognized same sex marriages. A known couples destination.

There have been sightings. And they are mostly keeping the information to themselves at the moment, seeing that the two are still in Japan. But, point being the two aren't hiding it. They are out in the open, together, enjoying themselves.

I know that they are having the time of their lives.

I know they are creating cherished memories for years to come.

I know that they are and will be happy!!!

I know that.

[bylertruther]

listen. i love el and i think she's a fascinating character. we all know this. i am very clear about this. but like. it really is SO crazy how she really came in and, like... fucked will's life up so fucking bad lmao. i know that it wasn't her fault, and i'm not saying it is, but that's just... such an excruciating writing choice.

it was a choice to have her be the one that opened the gate & essentially sliced will's life into an ugly before and after. it was a choice to have her replace him as mike's number one as soon as she came back into their lives. it was a choice to make her the party's mage and then "change" will from being their wizard to their cleric. it was a choice to make her his sister. it was a choice to purposely have her wear his clothes and have the same bangs. it was a choice to have her ignore him on mike's first day in lenora, despite the fact that he was mike's friend, too, and first. it was a choice to make her oblivious to his feelings.

it was a choice to make them love and genuinely care about each other. it was a choice to make her feel like a monster for everything that'd happened and kept happening. it was a choice to make will not resent her. it was a choice to make him support her enough that he's willing to uphold her lies to mike (!!!) of all people with his inaction.

it was a choice to have him spill his heart out to mike and gift him his painting all in her name. to have him be the one to unknowingly make mike finally say "i love you" to her in response to his confession. to have him realize too late that he's been needlessly pushing mike towards her this whole time.

it was a choice to place will right beside mike, his first ever friend and keeper of his heart, when he told el that his life started just as will's ended.

it was... a bold fucking choice to replace will with el in mike's eyes due to outside influence. it throws them into chaos and disarray because el and will are not interchangeable, and it shows in how...

mike seeks from el everything that will already gives him.

mike readily gives will everything that el begs him for.

el cannot read or understand mike in the innate, wordless, and familiar way that will does.

mike cannot be vulnerable with el, but he opens up to will without even needing to be asked.

mike always heeds, trusts, and listens to will, even when they're arguing or going through a rough patch.

mike always knows just how to mend things with will, because he knows exactly what he needs and he doesn't ever hesitate to do and give it. nor does he need anyone to help him with their conflicts either. he just knows.

el is always left waiting for him to do things for her that he's currently doing for will.

will visibly hates and feels uncomfortable lying to mike, but el can do it consistently with ease.

will is the one that loves mike how he truly wants (and needs) to be loved.

will hasn't been able to move on in full, because he was cast out of his own story and demoted to a supporting role behind the new lead.

el hasn't been able to find out who she really is, because she's been thrust into roles that were never meant for her to begin with. she has always been contorted into the shape of whatever others need or want her to be, but they don't fit because they aren't her.

and, like... there are so many things in this story, which is to say the show as a whole, that would not have happened had the men in el's life not done that. had they allowed her to just be, it's highly likely that the dominoes would've never fallen the way they have.

thankfully, the narrative is set up in such a way that it appears this disorder will rectify itself, but it's still so... upsetting to think about lol.

it all boils down to choices: who gets to make them, what choices they have, why they made those choices, and what happens after. that's all the show is: a series of choices, or a lack thereof, and their consequences with some monster mumbo-jumbo sprinkled on top.

[fantastic-nonsense]

im soso curious, i need to know... why is tim a child of apollo? bless u for not going with fanon<3

[referencing how I decided who the Batfam's godly parents were in my PJO AU WIP]

People like to sort him into Athena because DC has spent the last few years emphasizing how smart he is and how he's better at the more “cerebral” and detective aspects of the job. But Tim’s most prominent pre-reboot traits are not actually his detective or tech skills: they’re his reckless, impulsive bravery, his ability to analyze and think very quickly on his feet in dangerous situations, and his "power of friendship" idealism.

He's a people person; it's one of his greatest strengths. Tim is like...physically incapable of going somewhere and not making at least one friend while he's there. Hell, when he ran off to travel the world on his "fuck you, I'll find Bruce on my own" trip he still managed to pick up his own little crew of assassin friends along the way. Making connections and talking to people and relying on others for help is how he successfully navigates being a hero, as he himself notes on multiple occasions:

"Did you think I was going to run all around the city, desperately trying to save everyone all by myself? I'm not Batman. I have friends." -Red Robin #12

Tim loves his family and friends, and losing so many people he's close to within such a small timespan sends him off the deep end in multiple ways (trying to clone Kon, fighting Dick to get the Lazarus water, isolating himself from everyone, fighting with Dick and running off to find proof that Bruce was alive on his own, etc).

At his core, Tim is an idealist who becomes a hero for no other reason than a) a broken man needs help and a broken family needs mending and b) if Dick won't go back to being Robin he might as well do it, because someone has to be Robin. He sees what will happen if Bruce stays on the path he's on and says "no. I'm not going to let that happen." He's a hero because someone has to help, and he's able and available to do so. He doesn't work on cold hard logic and facts. He works off of gut instinct and then uses his big brain to go find facts and logical conclusions that support those instincts.

Tim was never going to be an Athena child.

So I started thinking. At first, I wanted him to be a Hermes child; it seemed right to frame his parentage around being the child of the messenger of the gods given how he became Robin. But that's not really him, either. Apollo, within the scope of both classical mythology and the PJO-verse's depiction of him and his children, fits him better.

While modern culture tends to zero in a lot on Apollo's status as the god of music, poetry, and the arts (for good reason), Apollo in classical Greek mythology was first and foremost known as the god who (for lack of a better term) helps his people. He's the god of the sun, of light, of medicine and healing, of prophecy, of truth.

Tim comes into Bruce's life at a time when Bruce is at his absolute lowest point. Jason is dead. He's estranged from Dick. He's failing in his mission to save Gotham. He's highkey passively suicidal. And Tim takes it upon himself to fix that. And he does it by being a solid, bright, stable presence in Bruce's life and an extremely blunt, truthful messenger of the future he sees: Batman needs a Robin, and if Bruce doesn't have one he's going to die.

And I didn't abandon his intelligence in the calculations: Apollo is also the god of rational thinking, order, and knowledge, contrasting and working in harmony with Dionysus (the god of irrationality, chaos, and passion). He was also known to be the god whose job it was to interpret the will of Zeus to humankind, which I thought was appropriate for a boy who spends quite a lot of his time being the living communication translator between Bruce and everyone around him.

So. Apollo child.

............also I thought it was funny to make the god of youth the father of the boy DC refuses to allow to age.

[lvrsparadise]

'LUCKY' - M.S

synopsis - She's just lucky.

warnings! - Car accidents, kissing, angst, a wedding, profanity, this is the version of 'Fourth of July' where Y/N survives.

A/N - Thank you so much to @lizzzzz333 for putting this idea in my head. I love you for that. Hope this mends the hearts I broke with the original. ♡♡

I stand up from my spot on the couch and stretch.

I check the time on my phone and it's almost 3, me and Matt decided to go to dinner at 7.

"I should head home to get ready." I walk to the kitchen where Matt is sitting at the table and give him a kiss before walking to the front door and putting my shoes one. I yell out a 'bye love out' before walking out the door and to my car.

I was at a red light, one of the only cars on the road. I hear tires screeching from my left, and suddenly an old car is driving full speed. Right at me.

Next thing I know, I'm being tossed around and I'm pretty sure my car is rolling. Then everything goes black.

----

I'm waking up, with many bright lights in my face.

I groan at the brightness of the lights and try to move my hand to block it, but I'm met with a sharp pain from my right hand.

"Y/N?!"

"M-Matt?" My throat is dry, and my voice is hoarse when I speak.

My body feels numb, and like it's on fire all at the same time. My legs hurt, my entire right arm hurts, my head is pounding, I think I'm in a neck brace, even breathing kind of hurts.

I try to turn my head to look at Matt, but I'm met with another pain, but from my neck.

"What happened? Why does everything hurt?"

"Y/N, baby. You were in a car accident."

That's when it all hits me.

I was at a red light, and some guy was driving full speed towards me.

I cough, and it hurts. Bad.

"Fuck."

Everything hurts.

"You're going to be okay. The- the doctor said you'll make a full recovery."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I can hear the tears in his voice. I can feel tears on my own face. I can also very distantly feel Matt's hand holding my right one.

"So, I guess our date's postponed, huh?" I try to crack a joke and laugh at it but end up coughing.

I hear a quiet chuckle from Matt.

"Yeah." His voice sounds quiet, defeated, and almost as hoarse as mine.

"Do Nick and Chris know?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I called them as soon as I got here."

"How long was I out?"

"A few hours. Nick and Chris are packing overnight bags for us and are going to stop by your place and get you a few things."

"That sounds great. I'm really thirsty. Like really, really thirsty."

I hear another chuckle from beside me and hear the chair he was sitting in creak as he stands up and walks towards the room door. Yelling out of it for a doctor and a nurse.

Now a doctor is standing over me, shining another really bright light in my eyes.

"Can you like not? My eyes hurt."

"Of course. I just need you to answer a few questions for me."

The nurse is adjusting my bed so I'm sitting up. And I can see Matt's face for the first time since I woke up. God am I glad to see his face.

"Do you know what day it is?"

"Friday."

"The date?"

"July 4th, 2022."

"Very good. What's your name?"

"Y/N M/N L/N."

"And what's his name?" He points his pen to Matt.

"Matthew Sturniolo. My boyfriend."

"Excellent. Do you know what happened to you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. Uh, I had just left Matt's house to get ready for our date and I was at a red light and some guy was driving full speed towards me."

"Alright. You have a broken shoulder, and wrist in your right arm. A sprained elbow on your left. Broke your collarbone. Shattered one of your kneecaps, twisted an ankle, broke the other one. And broke some ribs. You should make a full recovery within the next few months. I'm Dr. Singler and this is Nurse Bowen."

"Nice to meet you. No wonder everything hurts."

"If you need anything, press this button." The nurse points to a button on the armrest on the left side of the hospital bed.

I nod my head and watch as they walk out. I shift my eyes to Matt to look at him. His eyes are red and puffy from crying, tears tracks staining his cheeks. His brown hair disheveled from him probably running his hands through it.

I crack a smile, or the best attempt at a smile I can.

"Hi."

A tearfilled chuckle leaves his mouth.

"Hi. You look so pretty."

"Really? Because I feel like shit."

"I'm sure." He leans over me and kisses my forehead gently.

"Do you think it's possible to have an engagement party in a hospital?"

I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Another chuckle.

"Wait. Matt?"

He reaches into his jeans pocket and grabs out a small object, holding it up to my face. Not just any object. No. A ring.

"Matt..."

A smile takes over his features.

"Y/N, will you be my wife?"

"Matt. Yes. I would love to." I nod my head the best I can with the neck brace, without causing any pain.

--

After about an hour and a half of watching the TV and talking, Nick and Chris walk through the door.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're okay."

I roll my eyes.

"I love you too Nick."

I look at Chris after Nick hugs me the best he can, and his eyes are also red. Well, all of their eyes are red and puffy.

"I'm okay Chris."

I can almost see him deflate in relief.

"How did you survive?" A wave of sadness washes over me at how broken, and quiet Chris's voice is.

Truth is, I don't know how I survived. I guess. it was just luck.

"I guess I'm just lucky."

"God. Don't do that ever again." He moves to me and just about smothers me with how close he's hugging me.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

I don't want to see them sad ever again after this. It hurts me how sad each of them look. Although Matt looks better from when I first laid my eyes on him earlier. But Nick and Chris, mainly Chris, look drained. Empty. But now better. As if seeing me made them instantly better.

Sniffles are all that's heard throughout the room, other than Friends, which is playing on the TV.

After a few episodes, the nurse from earlier, Nurse Bowen, walks back in. With a cart that has food on it.

Now that I think about it. I'm really hungry.

"I assumed you guys would be hungry."

"Yeah, no thank you." Nick smiles at the nurse and takes the cart from her so she can continue with her work and rolls it over to the bed.

"One of you is going to have to feed me. I can't move my arms."

"Not it." Chris and Nick say in unison, putting a finer n the tis of their noses, both looking at Matt, who just shakes his head with a chuckle.

--

After we've all eaten and gotten comfortable, it just quiets down in the room, all of us doing something.

Nick and Chris are on the pull-out by the window, and Matt cozied up next to me on the bed the best he can without getting in the way of any medical equipment or hurting me.

But really, just having him next to me is more than enough.

"This is not how I expected our 1 year to go."

"Me neither. But at least now you're my Fiancée."

I look at the ring he put on my left hand, with a smile.

"Yeah."

----

It took exactly 3 months for me to recover. But throughout the whole process, I had so many people by my side. So many.

Matt, his brothers, his parents, Nate, Laura, Madi, and Sab were all next to me the whole time.

Matt never once left my side. The only time he did, was to film a video with his brothers.

Wasn't the best process, but it led me here, sitting in the living room at Marylou and Jimmy house with Matt, picking out a venue for our wedding.

"I like the one that had the big window."

"Of course, you do dad."

"Oh wait, what about this one?" I click on the images of the venue.

It's outside, on the beach. Not too far from the house and has great scenery.

"I think I like this one more than the other outdoor option!"

"Me too."

I turn my head to look at Matt, who is currently analyzing the computer screen with the images of the beach venue.

"What do you think about it?"

"I think, that this one might take the cake for me." He turns his head and look at me as well, a smile on his face.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, it would match with the theme we want. Wouldn't it?"

I look at the screen again.

"Yeah. It would."

"So, is that the one?"

I turn my head to Marylou, who's sitting on my right, and smile.

"Yeah. This is the one."

"Perfect!"

--------

Took a whole year of planning, but it's finally time. Today is the biggest day of my life.

We're all staying at a hotel near the beach, and we're all divided into groups. The bridesmaids, maid of honor, and flower girl with me, and the best man and groomsmen with Matt.

Currently, people are running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to make sure everything is as it should be.

Sab, my maid of honor and best friend, is currently helping me into my dress. The ceremony starts in 2 and a half hours, and everyone is ready, but me.

After a lot of pulling on strings and adjusting stuff, my dress is fully on. And it feels different than when I tried it on in the shop. Way different.

After I get my makeup done and get accessorized, 30 minutes is left until the biggest moment ever.

Matt's dad is going to walk me down the aisle, seeing as I don't know my family, and I'm so nervous.

"Y/N, calm down!"

"I can't help it! Sab, I'm about to get married, I can't calm down. I'm jittery, nervous, and happy as fuck."

"I know. But can you at least try to calm down for me?"

I nod and look at the bouquet Matt and Sab picked out for me. Purple tiger lilies, red roses, and white tulips. I pick it up and hold it in front of me as I would walking down the aisle. Trying to find the best way to do it.

--

20 minutes go by and I'm getting more and more nervous. Sab left to touch up on herself and make sure all of the bridesmaids were ready as well. I've had to sit on my hands, so I don't start biting my freshly painted nails.

Doin' Time by Lana Del Rey is playing throughout the room, but the music is not helping me calm down. I take a few deep breaths before standing back up and re-checking my appearance in the wall-length mirrors.

I don't even want to think about what would've happened if I had died in that crash I was in back in July last year. But I didn't. And I'm so happy I didn't.

After about 5 or 6 minutes, the door opens and Marylou walks in.

"Sweetie, you look stunning."

"Thank you."

"God I can't believe you're going to be my daughter in-law. Now come on, get your veil on, grab your bouquet, and let's get this show on the road."

"Yes ma'am."

I smile at her as she puts my veil on me, which is actually her veil. It's my 'something borrowed'. I stand up and grab my bouquet, and look at myself in the mirror before walking out of the room I was in.

I'm immediately greeted by Jimmy, who looks like he's about to cry.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." I nod my head and link my right arm with his left arm. Marylou quickly walks to her seat, just as the music starts.

My stomach is doing acrobatics right now. My heart is pounding, and I feel no, so nervous. But in the best way possible.

As we walk the aisle, I see so many amazing people I met within the past two years in LA. I'm so glad I moved out here with them.

Finally, we make it to my soon-to-be husband, and Jimmy moves to his spot next to his wife.

I hand my bouquet to Sab and the officiant starts going on with the basics of the ceremony.

"Do you, Y/N M/N L/N, take Matthew Bernard Sturniolo as your lawful wedded husband?"

We all chuckle and make faces at Matt's middle name.

I nod and smile.

"I do."

"Do you, Matthew Bernard Sturniolo, take Y/N M/N L/N as your lawful wedded wife?"

"God yes. I do."

A tear falls down my face. I can't believe this is happening.

"You may kiss the bride."

His hands grab my waist at lightning speed, and we lean into what might possibly be the best kiss ever.

Everyone cheers and claps, but it's all faint. It feels like the first kiss all over again. Like we're back in his room in LA.

We pull back and turn to everyone with smiles.

I didn't really get to observe Matt while we were saying our vows, but now that I am, wow he looks good.

In a classic tux with the vest and everything. He kept his earrings in and his necklace on as well. Who knew him becoming my husband would make him look so much better?

Being here, and seeing him, makes me realize just how lucky I am.

Tags ! ✮

@dwntwn-strnlo ✮ @ssturniolo @strniolo ✮ @20nugs ✮ @prettysturniolo ✮

If you want to be added to the list, all you have to do is ask !! ✮

I love all of you guys !

And I hope you all have a wonderful day and / or night ✮

[dduane]

hi ms duane (who is rlly cool and i love your books btw),

any advice? one of my favourite book series (released 30 years ago) was never finished... it's rumoured the last book was written but never published . ever since i have discovered this i have been heartbroken 😔. how do i cope with the cliffhanger? is it okay to approach the author and ask him about it? (he has written other books since + has other social medias) what do i dooooooo?

Well—per the second-to-last question, and speaking as someone who started one novel series more than forty years ago, and still haven't finished its last main-sequence book (and hears about it more than occasionally from the readership)—my immediate reaction would be:

From where I'm sitting, no, it's not really okay. So don't.

To clarify the thinking behind this, a couple of questions need to be answered.

(1) How sure are you about whether the rumor accurately reflects reality?

(2) Is the author someone you'd care about possibly hurting?

(And #2 is more important than #1, but bear with me.)

First of all: rumors are, well, rumors. I wouldn't approach an author about something like this if a rumor was all there was to go on. In particular, if the author's ever been asked about this and declined to answer, there may be legal complications in the background that they can't or don't want to deal with in public.

Secondly: if the book does indeed exist but was never published, three decades back, then there are numerous reasons that could be behind it, and all of them are painful to consider. A couple that immediately occur to me are:

The publisher decided they didn't like the last book enough to take the risk of publishing it (or sales figures for preceding books had been poor or declining), and/or no other publisher wanted the final book because they couldn't also publish the front end of the series. (I.e., the original publisher refused to revert those books' publcation rights.)

The author decided for some reason after completing the book that they didn't like it (and/or the series preceding it), and pulled it.

And there are many other possibilities... but I'm not going to get into a long list of maybes here. The point is that there's a better-than-even chance that having someone turn up on social media or in their inbox with a question about Oh Sweet Gods Not This Again, will cause the author pain.

And the issue of whether (for whatever reason) some people might think the author deserves the pain is completely beside the point. Hamlet's got it right here: "Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honor and dignity—the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty."

So if I was standing where you are, after thinking about it a bit, I'd say "...yeah, no." ...and let the author be.

Now as for the question "How do I cope with the cliffhanger?": well, you pull on your Thoughtful Reader Pants—pull them right up high— and remind yourself that:

(a) Powerful though all art can be, it also can be fragile, especially as regards completions... because entropy, and sometimes mortality, can get in the way.

(b) And while we're discussing mortality: Cliffhangers are an inescapable part of the human condition. One day, you and I and everyone we know will suddenly depart this scene, and leave everyone else who knows us wondering what would have happened if... and never finding out. Maybe this is why we have a certain amount of trouble with cliffhangers in literature, on TV and in other arts: because "art is supposed to reflect life" (...long pause...) "But not like that!"

(c) In the meantime: Read the author's books that you do have. Celebrate what that person's made in that particular universe that you've got access to. And know that, in the fullness of time, eventually your heart will mend, and be stronger after the break as a result.

And finally: never give up hope. That author, and that book, might surprise you some day, when you most need it. :)

HTH!

[dirtytransmasc]

TW: VERY DARK AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT (kind of)

Prompt :

He was six

Norm found him with his wrist slit

“Why’d you do this kiddo?”

“I wanted to get rid of the demon blood”

Jakes reaction

Neytiri stitched him up with an unreadable expression

IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMY

I UNDERSTAND, PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THIS IF ITS TO DARK!!!😭

oh my fucking god... it hurts so bad, but its so good. I love dark angst, there aren't many places I won't go, so have no worries anon.

head the trigger warnings above, I don't get super graphic, but I don't skid over any details either. disclaimer, mama!neytiri brain worms are liquefying my brain, so this is a little (a lot) neytiri-centric, cause I can't help it, its the worms I swear.

also, there are like 0 resources on na'vi medicine, so I'm just fucking winging it man, I'm gonna pull some shit out of my literal ass and we're all gonna have to just be ok with that. ~~~

norm wishes he could say he was shocked, surprised that this little boy wanted to hurt himself, let alone went through with it. he should have been gutted, more than he was at least, angry, put off, something. but not that its happened, he saw it from a mile away, he should have noticed, should have stopped it. all he felt was guilt, burning up his heart and knotting up his stomach as he put pressure on spiders tiny wrists, holding his lulling body in his arms. spider was just a kid, a baby, but he's muttering about 'getting rid of demon blood' and 'not belonging' and it being 'better off' if he was gone. it was somehow worse in his childish wording, his perfect innocence and naivety only just beginning to crack as the pain in his little chest began to swell.

it had been the odd quietness from spider's 'room' back in the cave marui's that alerted him to something being wrong. spider was quiet, in a way; when he was out playing with the kids he was loud, laughing, face filled with light and joy, even if something cold still glinted in his eyes. but when he was on his own, having been left behind or told off by some adult, human or na'vi alike, for getting in the way, he would sulk off to the little marui by the shack. but even if he would sit amongst himself, playing with the few figures someone had put time aside to make, attempting to weave a new piece of jewelry or basket, mending the sad little knife he wore on his side. he was always doing something, could be heard humming or sniffling, the sound of his knife on the wetstone or the clunking of wooden figures on each other were a constant. so when norm heard nothing but silence, his gut ticked up, the hair on his neck bristled, his legs carried him much farther they would on the average day until he was staring at spider and his little bloody arms and his little bloody knife and his sad little eyes.

it took only a split second for norm to come back to himself, to rush and pick the boy up before he had enough 'sense' to try and back away (spider never wanted trouble, never wanted to get in the way or be a burden, the fact he didn't try and hide worried norm more then it would of if he did, which was even more concerning in its own right).

he just held spider as tight as he could, his big blue hands easily covering his human wrists, trying to think of what he should do. he should say something, other then "its ok" but what does he say? what do you say to a six-year-old who just tried to kill himself, no, no, "get rid of the demon blood" coursing through his veins?

he wasn't going to lecture him, spider made it clear why he did it, comfort wasn't his strong suit. he could just look at his puffy little cheeks, one side of his mask blooded as he had attempted to wipe his cheek on instinct. so he just repeated a mantra of "I'm here" and "it's ok" and "your ok" until he reached the infirmary, trying to prtend he didn't feel spider slipping further and further away with each passing second.

in the flash of just a few seconds fueled by adrenaline alone, he knew he regretted everything. he was spider's caretaker sure, but he was no father, jake wasn't either, and the boy didn't have a single maternal figure to his name. no mother to kiss his brow at night or admire his accomplishments. he had no one, not truly, and norm allowed to happen, was not only complicit in it, but played a direct role in it. now he may not get to make that up, may not be given the chance to step up, to fix this.

he carried spider to the infirmary hut, knowing he would find someone, anyone, there who could help. part of him knew that mo'at had seen something in the child that brought some sort of pity from her, that maybe just this once, spider wouldn't be so alone in her presence.

when he entered the pod, he found mo'at showing neytiri something, explaining different herbs to her, though he didn't pay enough attention to it the lesson to pull out any identifying features of the herbs in question. both turned to look at him when they heard his rapid breathing, their gaze then shifting to the bloody boy in his arms, the ever-so-faint fogging of the glass that made up most of his exopack, and the ghostly parlor of spider's skin.

"put him down," mo'at commanded, before norm could even speak, clearing her pallet in an instant, "what happened to him?" her voice was firm, almost knowing.

"he...cut himself...intentionally...I don't know how long ago, but I found him in his pod alone and brought him right here."

"intentionally?" neytiri hissed, removing the boy from his arms when he couldn't get himself to comply with the order and holding him so she could listen to the weakening beat of his heart. she tied turniquotes around his upper forearm with the strands of clothing handed to her by her mother, absent-mindedly rocking the little thing where he rested held between her free-er arm and her chest, when the last bits of his consciousness were directed to fussing, no doubt from the pain. she couldn't bring herself to bind them too tight, just enough to control the bleeding, her hands and a bit of cloth could handle the rest.

(mo'at almost lectured her, but she saw that look in her daughter's eyes and knew it would be pointless, a mama bear gets what she wants)

norm had never seen the protective fire in her eyes, normally directed at her children, burn so bright for spider in the last few years she had known him. it scared him, it felt so unnatural that the very gaze he had learned to trust in most cases, froze him like a deer in headlights.

but that question, the tone of it, made his gut sink. how did he explain this, spider was just a baby, and he had slit his own wrists. that on its own was gut-wrenching, but the reason? Eywa have mercy.

"he said... he said he wanted to get rid of his demon blood, so he... he used his own knife and cut his wrists... its a common form of self harm back on earth, to cut yourself, but I don't even know how he would know to do that, why he would do it... I know why, but..." norm felt defeated. he should have seen something.

the look on neytiri's face made him want to tuck his tail between his legs and run off. she placed spider down as gently as one could, face scrunched up with pain and anger as she keeps pressure on both of spider's wrists.

"get jake, he is with the young hunters." she spoke quietly, her voice almost bitter. she didn't know if she blamed him, if she was angry with him, she barely understand how to feel about spider harming himself. all she knew is that he had just given her some of the most heartwrenching news she had heard in her life, so he was getting some of her mirth. norm nodded, racing off with his tail tucked between his legs, only hesitating to take another worried glance at the boy.

neytiri took a deep breath before turning to her mother. "he will need stitches, right?" she had never dealt with an injury quite like this before, the conscious effort in the wound made it clean and to the point, unlike a wound in battle. it strived to do quick, efficient damage, and now, either because she could barely let herself think straight, or because she genuinly didn't know, she couldn't think of the best way to treat it.

"yes, my daughter, but that is the least of his worries. he cut a large vein, those are very difficult to mend, stopping the bleeding will be difficult. he's already lost quite a bit of blood, so we need to be careful. the best thing would be to put a root paste to help clot the bleeding, wrap it up, and stitch it later." mo'at turned to her morter and pestle as she spoke, mixing different herbs, berries, and roots into a dark brown, almost purple, paste.

neytiri, nodded absently, while she picked through the basket at her side for bundles of lumped fibre and soft cloth to hold against his arms. luckily for him, while he did manage to do some damage and with the help of the tourniquets, one wrist had already stopped bleeding a fair bit, and the other was manageable.

in the silence of the hut, her mother working quietly behind her, turning every once and a while to check his breathing or giving her a tincture to clean his wounds with, neytiri was left to think.

demon blood.

he had done this because of the words she and so many spat at the sight of him. he had tried to rid himself of his sins, the sins of his father, the sins of his people; but were they really his to begin with? what had he done, in his six years of life, to have earned the hate he received? was the blood he carried in his veins enough to justify pushing a child to this?

no, she decided, no it was not.

seeing him so pale and lifeless in norms arms woke something in her, something deep in her gut, maternal rage coursing through her with something vicious, and even if she didn't deserve it after all she had done to him, pushed him to do, her heart was attempting to claim his as her own, and she didn't know what to do with that feeling. then she realized, that the maternal drive that prowled in her stomach like a thanator ready to pounce, not only saw the world as a threat, but saw her as a threat.

her mother handed her the salve and she was grateful for anything to do to take her mind off of the few revelations she managed to have while waiting.

"put more of the salve where the bleeding is stronger, then wrap it tight, be careful to not make it so tight it takes off his hand." the older woman guided, watching over her daughters work.

neytiri scooped it out bit by bit, slowing rubbing it onto the wounds while her mother blotted away the blood, her ears dipping whenever the boy his with pain or tried to pull away. she just wanted to make him better, to take him up into her arms and tell him it was alright like she would if he was one of her own children. but she knew she couldn't, he would wake up and see the monster who filled his little mind with such awful thoughts of himself, that he would be just as scared of her as he always was, and that she could bring him no comfort. so he was extra gentle as she finished off the paste, and held him like delicately as she wrapped the bandage around his wrists, gushing him gently each time he cried out, combing back his hair when she felt she was finished.

then jake came barreling in, breaking up the delicate silence that for a single second allowed her to believe it was just a normal day, that the new found fantasy of just being able to mother this child was true, that allowed spider to lay in peaceful sleep with her shawl over him. norm was trying to hush him, before he woke the baby, but there was no stopping jake, not when his face was full of pain and anger, looking as if he would plow down a titanothere just to get to spider.

neytiri knew jake had taken to spider more than he had let on, but the beast in her belly screamed that he hadn't done enough either, that he didn't earn the right to worry either. but she hushed it, knowing neither had the right to claim anything, not even over each other.

"ma'jake, quiet, or you will wake him and... he will be in pain. so let him sleep while he can," she attempted to soothe quietly, resisting every urge to just scoop him up when jakes loud entry did in fact stir him.

jake sat across from her, his hand resting on spider's chest, feeling the soft rise and fall of the boy's chest. "did he really?" he asked, eyes begging for her to tell him it wasn't true. she knew he would much rather hear of a freak accident over this, but she couldn't give him that mercy.

"yes, it would seem so." her voice was short, worn, despite barely saying a word this whole time.

jake crumpled a little, much more on the inside then he attempted to let show on the outside. neytiri was used to it, jake dealing with it all on the inside, bottling it up till he burst. she placed her hands over his, both of them being reassured by spider's breathing.

"but he is still here, we can and will help him. we will make sure he never feels this way again. I will right my wrongs, I will treat him as he has always deserved, and I hope one day he can forgive me. you will do the same. for now we just have to wait." she spoke gently, still worried about waking spider. she was partly talking to herself, making the promise she had worked her mind to final, she swore it on eywa. she saw jakes eyes finally close, knocking the tears he had been fighting to keep in down his cheeks.

he nodded, slumping into a lazy, defeated-looking, criss-cross position, talking spider's little hand in his, using the wet cloth from mo'at to clean the blood from his finger, the calloused palms of his hands, his muscle-toughened arms.

jake was no stranger to this, to harming yourself, even if he had never taken a blade to his wrists. trying to imagine that pain in such a little body terrified him. how was he supposed to wrap his head around little spider, the stray cat amongst the village, always smiling and laughing, always trying to help everyone, always up in trees or tussling with his kids, his blonde hair like streaks of the sun running about the village, battling such demons. he tried to imagine what he must have been feeling when he took his knife to his wrist. was he scared? relieved? confused? was he desperate and looking for a way out?

no, no norm said that spider wanted to get rid of his "demon blood" which as somehow more nauseating. it was their faults, him, norm, neytiri, The People. they hurt this child or they let it happen. they expected him to take every glare, every spit of acid, everything he was forced to endure, and to still remain a happy child. jake never once stopped to think what effect that may have on him, and now he was paying for it.

he ached, spider was small, he could fit in jakes hands even at 6 years old. he was drowning in neytiri's shawl even if on her, it would barely cover her upper arms, he had just started fitting his exopack a little less than a year ago. he was still just a baby, and they almost let his life end. had norm not found him, he would be dead, still and cold in his makeshift marui, in a pool of his own blood. the image that accompanied the thought that flashed in his made him feel sick. even with all that he denied feeling about the boy, no matter how hard he tried to push him away, no matter what he let him go through, the thought of spider dying, especially like that, alone and scared and in pain, terrified him. to have a child die for any preventable reason, was a disgrace on The People, especially their chief of all people.

chief.

he should have been the example. he should have led his people to find love for a defenseless child who wanted only to be loved and accepted. he had failed.

he let a finger caress the side of spiders face, along the edge of spider's mask, lightly pulling at the curly baby hairs that rested there,

"will he be alright?" he didn't know who he was asking, norm or mo'at. both would have very different opinions, norm more literal, mo'at more spiritual. he didn't know which he wanted.

"physically, yes. he is lucky, his blade was simple, his hand faltered, and he didn't seem to have a death wish. he didn't do too much damage, its manageable. emotionally jakesuli? time will tell." mo'at was the one to speak, the look on norms face spoke the his fear of setting neytiri off like he almost had earlier.

neytiri looked to her mother with a pain expression, her tail beating nervously where is laid near spiders head, ears still folded back.

"his mind is plauged with pain and desperation, things no child should even be aware of. he was driven to harm himself, in ways that will be permanent. it will be our actions going forward that determine his future. I fear if we do not undo the damage now, we will lose him in the years to come... what I fear more and that the damage has been done and cannot be undone. we can only hope for the former/"

neytiri damn near let out a cry, turning from her mother, eyes clenched as tears welled up in them. she found jakes arms, both leaning over spider like a makeshift shelter. just like they should have his whole life, they should have shielded him from the world, protected him from the hate of others. spider stirred once more, and this time jake couldn't resist the urge to scoop him up.

spider looked up at both of them, his little eyes tired and glossy, something small and painful in his gaze. he began to wiggle out of jakes hold, balling up nervously, but when neytiri grazed fingers through his hair, he stopped. this was the one thing he had ever wanted, deep down. not to be accepted, not to be one with the people, not even to be na'vi. he just wanted to be held, loved, by a mother, any mother. with his judgment too clouded by all his emotions, the desperation, the pain, even the blood loss, and maybe and even simpler reason being just being a child; spider let her hold him. he couldn't think about her years of neglect, the harsh words, and harsher glares, not in that moment, that could come later. right now, he needed a mother, and neytiri was willing, so he sunk into her hold, welcoming the embrace of either parent.

the road to spider's recovery would be long and hard. jake and neytiri had a lot to make up for, to apologize for, holding onto their guilt for years as they waited for spider to reach an age were their apologies would actually mean something to him. he would have to be watched constantly, habits would be broken, tears would be cried. things would never be 100%, there would always scars and phantom pain, but that was ok.

~~~

a note for my regulars; I'm back, maybe sorta kinda. I've hit a rough patch with my adhd, I can't do thoughts, or social interaction really, but I'm starting to bounce back, so more regular posting may return shortly.

[zeroone-eleven]

Third Time's the Charm; Bela Dimitrescu (Resident Lover)

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Requested? ☑

"What a shame she's fucked in the head, they said."

Summary: Bela places her trust in the wrong iteration. A dual POV on the Neutral Ending to Bela's route

Warnings: Angst, Miranda being an obsessed control freak

Genre: Angst

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"You should've stayed well away, Bela."

A few days ago that voice would've made her blood turn cold upon hearing it. A few days ago she'd be stuck in place. A few years ago she'd have shut down at being spoken to by that woman.

Bela whips around with anger in her eyes and tension in her shoulders, her knuckles begging to be planted on the older woman's cheekbones- Over and over and over and over- But she composes herself before committing to assault.

"It would only further convince MC that I'm not alright." she tells herself. Bela breathes, and tries to speak with a levelled voice. She soon finds out that there is no one who has unwavering control over their tempers.

"You know what you've done, and eben though you refuse to tell me- I know you know what I'll try to do from here on out. You know that nothing can stop me as long as I'm on my own feet Miranda. Sooner rather than later, I'm going to find out exactly why I know most of what has happened before it happened before I was supposed to know. Once I'm free of you, I'll find my heart, take my life back, take whatever else it is that you took from me, and I will have all of the answers before I start a life that your cursed claws will never dig into. "

The Eldest Dimitrescu swears she sees something in Miranda's eyes for a second, fear? Astonishment? Surprise? Anger? She cannot place it and yet whatever it was, it gave her the resolve that was needed to mend her shattered strength. Bela stands tall, squaring her shoulders and meeting Miranda's guarded gaze with her eyes unblinking.

"I will not let you cage me like one of your pets. I'm not reinforcing your spell, and I'm not going to be dancing around your plans anymore- I will tear them down myself with my bare hands if I have to do so."

The barest hint of a smirk grazes and upturns Miranda's lips, her eyes showing glee- As if she's somehow won when everything has just begun. Bela scowls, she opens her mouth to throw questions at the older woman when she's beat by the Headmistress to what she wants to say.

The light jiggle of her apartment's door handle catches her attention, and she now knows that Miranda didn't come here to taunt her or question her:

Miranda's here to gloat. Bela knows only of one person would be batshit crazy enough to think to ask the Headmistress for help.

"I'm afraid I am not the one to cage you this time around, Flightless Bird." Miranda speaks with victory in her voice, like she's barely holding back a laugh. Bela chooses to ask the priestess about what her riddled sentence means when a faint screeching sound makes it way to her ears. Horror fills her eyes when she realizes-

Sirens.

Unrelenting sirens.

"What did you do?" She demands to be told. Miranda only schools her features before turning her back on her student.

"What did you do!?" She screams, aiming the glass in her hands towards Miranda's direction. She finds that she must be more disoriented than she thought as she sees the professor catch the glass like it was nothing before her hand glows dimly and the glass buckles and breaks in her grasp.

The Sirens grow louder and Bela's eyes follow the shards that Miranda drops to the floor. Her stomach sinks when she sees some of the shards stained with red, younger blues following the source of the red droplets.

The skin on Miranda's palm stays open.

The sirens grow louder and Bela notices the phone in her other hand too late.

Bela raises her voice again, demanding and desperate, so close to letting the tears fall- Yet all Miranda does is turn her back to the younger blonde with no interest in the conversation. The Headmistress reaches for the door and Bela lurches forward, rushing with the desperation to have her question answered when her missteps and her shoe slips on a fallen shard. She hits the ground before she knows exactly what has happened and she's about to pull herself up when a softer set of steps enter the apartment. Familiar shoes stop at the threshold, and Bela can't bring her eyes to look up- Look at the face of someone she trusted.

She never registers how the blaring sirens are now just outside her apartment's window.

Bela's mind is oddly calm for a moment that feels like an eternity while she tries to pull herself together to meet your gaze. Her time is cut short when two other pairs of shoes suddenly appear in the doorway and suddenly Bela is looking up- Screaming.

The woman you have grown to trust scrambles back, her eyes fleeting between the two responders who waste no time in taking her arms. She fights against them, screaming and kicking and swinging as best as she can with both her arms taken hold of- There is a part of you that holds unwavering respect for her still. She fights and fights and fights. Bela's resolve remains stubborn and unbroken to the very end regardless of her mind's state.

One of the responders jam a needle into the side of her neck and at the same time something inside of you withdraws, like a child curling up in a corner with its hands on its ears. It feels wrong to see Bela be subdued, she's meant to stand tall- Stand proud- To strike down any and all obstacles that dare to stand in the way between her and her goal.

The hazy image of a statue of a knight bleeds into your brain-

You scrunch your eyebrows and before you can even begin to wonder what that was- It is gone and all you can do is meet Bela's eyes from across the room. She hangs limp in the respondents' arms yet somehow she's still awake, with the distance between you and the three of them you are surprised when you hear her whispered words with perfect clarity as if she was in your arms instead of theirs.

In your arms- Bela's laying in the courtyard outside The Headmistress' office building in your arms and you're screaming for help.

"I'm not insane. Please believe me."

Your head spins and your stomach is in knots. You open your mouth, and nothing comes out. The responders drag her off, and Bela's eyes never leaves yours-

She's angry, desperate, begging- And it feels so wrong. Bela's not supposed to be this unkempt, she's not supposed to be dragged off.

Bela's supposed to wake up in her room in her family's mansion with you waiting by her bedside-

"Please! Let me go, I'm not insane!"

You're shaken out of your daze, and the last thing you see of Bela is her eyes. Her gaze is boring into yours as she wordlessly pleads, fighting against the call of sleep with all the fading strength she can muster while they secure her in a straightjacket before the ambulance door is harshly shut.

A hand finds its on your shoulder and as gentle as the motion is- The touch is sickening nonetheless. Your body wants to recoil and throw the hand off, yet you're reduced to nothing but a motionless body with your feet glued to the pavement and your hands feeling like lead.

Headmistress Miranda's voice is low and apologetic while she offers you something. You don't know what she offered but your stomach lurches after she has voiced the proposition and all you can bring yourself to say is that you do not know.

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Bela counts. Lying on her back as she stares at the wrist watch that her mother had sent her as a gift a long time ago. "Get well soon." she imagined was the sentiment. Alcina remembered that she likes to keep track of time, or so she chooses to believe. Why else would her mother send her this?

23:50

It's funny how in all her years she had neber once bothered to memorize which 12 hour time equates to the other twelve hours on a 24 hour format. She shakes her head after the chuckle falls out of her lips.

"Whoever thought that a Grippy Sock vacation would manage to be educational.." she says to herself.

The smile falls from her lips as an annoying sensation crawls up her skin. She shuffles in her place, having learnt months ago that she cannot even undo a single clasp on her uniform without the assistance of a staff in the institution.

She presses her elbow against a spot on her rib, wiggling in irritation until the itch dissipates. She sighs in relief before retuning to her original position, letting her thoughts wonder to you.

Did you take her spot on the council? God, Bela hopes not. Yet she believes that you'd do an amazing job if you did decide to take over for her.

Have you graduated already? She hopes so as she thinks to herself that the sooner you're out of that hell hole, the better it is for you.

23:58

Bela hopes that Miranda has somehow poked her own eye with those gaudy finger guards that she wears. She also hopes with extreme pettiness that Cornelius has not gone a day without running into a window.

She wonders if Anteros is doing okay, he's with Daniela now but she wonders if he misses her. She sure has missed the dog she raised from puppyhood.

23:59

Bela turn to her side, hoping that you're okay. She still doesn't have her heart, but she finds it in herself to hold onto hope that she'll be out of this dreadfully decorated institution soon.

Bela spares another glance at her watch-

The time is still 23:59.

She hopes that someday when she's free you'll run into each other. She ignores the part of her that speaks of how Miranda probably intends to keep her here forever.

Bela closes her eyes and prays to whatever will listen that you and her family are okay. She slips from consciousness, remembering that you never got to meet Anteros when everything was still as okay as they could be.

Bela dreams of you with her and Anteros in the local dog part, Daniela and Cassandra tossing a frisbee between them as the German Shepherd trues to snatch it out of the air again and again.

05:30

Bela wakes up to a blaring alarm, her body clock tells her that something's up. She opens her eyes, and to her surprise- It is sunlight that greets her and not white padded walls.

Tears burn her eyes and a laugh escapes her as she glances at the calendar on her dresser.

"Club Fair day."

She takes a moment to breathe, to sit and remember how it felt to simply be in her own bed.

Bela jumps off the bed, running over to her ckoset drawer with newfound hope burning in her veins and in her chest. She smiles excitedly, she really wasn't insane at all.

"Third times' the charm." She says to herself as she leaves the apartment with a bright smile on her face and a liveliness in her step. She barely remembers to tone it down before getting inside the Campus grounds.

Miranda has eyes everywhere and she's supposed to be heartless. Bela schools her expressions and walks in with her head held high.

"Time for a new game plan."

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You trip over your own feel, reaching out a hand only to end up taking the whole tablecloth down with you.

The Goddess stares at you with mild disgust, but she quickly reaches a hand out towards you.

"Are you alright?"

"I just fell for you."

Your cheeks burn with embarrassment as you realize that you've said that out loud. The Goddess raises an eyebrow at you, and you thank your lucky stars that she decides to let your throwaway comment slide.

"We're the Student Council Club. Would you like to join?"

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01-11 thinks that someday, a non-angsty Bela Dimitrescu work will find a place in the Masterlist. For now, 01-11 is having too much fun.

P.S: 01-11 thanks you for reading.

[nicosraf]

I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we desperately want to hear all your baal and lucifer thoughts!! I’m foaming at the mouth begging for crumbs, barking like a wild dog

Warning for major Angels & Man spoilers. I'm sorry for this long essay but I'm stuck in a lecture for this certification thing and bored.

So I'm thinking about immeditaely after the demons re-group and Lucifer leads them in building their caves. Baal falling to Lucifer's feet and swearing his allegiance. He says he's been fighting in honor of Lucifer's memory in all the time that Lucifer has been asleep. Lucifer is angry, though — maybe he slaps him — and he asks why Baal thinks that he's worthy of trying to continue the devil's legacy. Baal apologizes, says he didn't mean to continue it, just protect his memory, to worship him in life and death. Lucifer asks why Baal wants to worship him, Baal says Lucifer is beautiful, and Lucifer glares. Baal adds that Lucifer is powerful and wise, too, but Lucifer's already angry and maybe turns his back on him.

Regardless, Lucifer still offers him the title of duke within a few months. (He might be angry at Baal, but he's probably the most loyal among the demons). Whenever they're alone, Baal tries to touch him, lowers his voice, but Lucifer denies him over and over. It's only until Baal is hopeless, not even trying anymore (sleeping with other random demons), that Lucifer finally takes him to bed. (It was a test; Lucifer wanted to see if Baal would remain loyal even without the promise of sex. Baal has passed, but Lucifer doesn't seem happy with him, he never does.)

Baal carves a room to sleep in close to Lucifer's chambers but not too close. Baal starts modifying his body. He has a fixation on Michael; sometimes, he thinks of how far Lucifer and Michael might've gone in their relationship and pisses himself off. He imagines that Lucifer has become violent because of Michael. He imagines Michael must've hurt Lucifer. Baal tries to make himself stronger and bigger, scarier too.

Baal spends a lot of time beside Lucifer, sees a lot of his spells of anger and grief and violence. He offers to take over some responsibilities. He wants Lucifer to focus on being happier/calmer. Lucifer agrees, but because he plans to use Baal as a way to shift blame; whenever the demons need to be punished, he'll send Baal, whenever things need to get done, he'll have Baal scream at them. The demons will hate Baal and love Lucifer. Lucifer does, however, use most of his new free time to sleep and tend his gardens; so, he is a little calmer, and Baal is happy.

It takes centuries for Lucifer to let Baal actually sleep in his bed. One day, though, I think Lucifer wakes up cold and trembling, and he walks out, sees Baal, walks up to him, grabs him by his tunic, then drags him to cuddle in bed without a word. It takes another long time before Baal gets to sleep there frequently. Lucifer stops kicking him out post-sex; Baal eventually moves his stuff to a tiny corner of Lucifer's chambers, and Lucifer pretends not to notice.

Their relationship is rocky. Lucifer takes out most of his fury on Baal. Baal just takes it, sometimes unsure why he bothers being so loyal, but every time he thinks of stepping away, he comes crawling back.

Cain changes things though. Lucifer becomes a lot gentler. In front of Cain, Lucifer is very sweet and only playfully mean to Baal, and even when Cain isn't there, Lucifer stays a little nicer. Baal sees that the young, sweet Lucifer he loved in Heaven is still alive. Baal also sees Lucifer having meltdowns over Cain's safety, panicking and hyperventilating and pulling his hair out. Baal holds Lucifer tight as he cries and gasps over Cain being hurt or lost.

I'm trying not to ramble too much about Cain right now, but I think Cain mends a lot of their relationship. Lucifer is a little gentler, and Baal sees how hurt Lucifer really is. And they both adore Cain, even after everything that happens with Abel. Lucifer is a mess when Cain walks off on his own after the murder, and Baal is there for Lucifer.

So why is Lucifer still so mean to Baal in A&M? A part of it is an act. A part of it is trying to push Baal away. A part of it is trying to push himself away. Lucifer doesn't want to love anymore. Love drove him crazy in the past. He especially doesn't want to fall for someone like Baal, who he thinks isn't very bright or powerful or special. But.... Baal holds him really tenderly sometimes and Lucifer feels safe. And even happy, sometimes.

[everydayyoulovemeless]

Hello!

I always wondered honestly how FO4 faction leaders (and maybe some companions that also belong to sayd faction, like Danse) whould react finding out the Sole Survivor is with the Enclave? (Maybe via a tattoo they have or dogtag)

Im guessing most whould be very unhappy and instantly accuse them of being a spy.

I'm interested what you think, since for fo4 the only Enclave option you really have is the Enclave rising mod but companions don't comment on it of corse.

Fo4 Factions React To Sole Being With The Enclave

➼ Word Count » 1.7k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ Genre » Platonic/Romantic, Angst? ➼ A/N » This is such an interesting idea! Also, I hope you don’t mind but, I added a few more faction characters 🤭

Preston was horrified when he found out. There have been a few stories from settlers migrating from the Capital Wasteland, but he never imagined that you, of all people, would be with them. The entire idea of 'cleansing the land' is precisely what the Minutemen are trying to fight against. He feels as if you've just been using him this entire time for your own personal gain. Why else would you agree to be general if you didn't believe in their cause? Did you ever think they'd be able to make a change? Or were you just playing along for the fun of it? It's an understatement to say he's angry, though, more at himself than you. Out of everyone he could've stumbled upon to make into the Minutemen's new leader, you're who it was. And he was the one who supported you. Preston's won't be in the mood for compromising, he'll just turn you away. Similar to how he does when you side with the Nuka-World raiders. He's over it. He'll start over - find someone new, and you can go back and do whatever it is that you do. He's disgusted with himself for sticking with you for so long, but also because of how he can't bring himself to kill you. He just wishes you didn't try so hard to be friends with him. Then your betrayal wouldn't hurt him so badly.

Sturges noticed the Enclave marking early on but didn't know what it symbolized and never mentioned it. It wasn't until he overheard your argument with Preston that he decided to approach you about it. He stopped you while you were leaving Sanctuary and softly asked what happened between you and Preston. A part of him hoped he could mend your relationship with him, even if he knew it was far past that point. He cares for the both of you. The Minutemen were the best thing to ever happen to him, and he'd be damned if he let it break apart without trying to fix anything. That's what he's known for, isn't it? Fixing things? Even after he talks to you, he's still not sure what the Enclave is. All he knows is that he desperately wants both you and Preston to come to an agreement. He feels like a kid in the middle of a messy divorce and it stresses him out.

Any tough exterior that Elder Maxson puts up is immediately shattered when he sees that painfully familiar mark. He's seen firsthand what they've done to the world - what they're capable of, and he refuses to condone that behavior, especially when it comes to a supposed member of his cause. He'll stare you down with both a mix of fear and anger for stepping aboard the Prydwen. Who do you think you are? Surely, your joining the Brotherhood wasn't an accident, and he's not willing to wait and find out what your purpose for infiltrating them is. You're off the ship. No discussion necessary. He refuses to fight alongside anyone of your stature, and if he ever sees you again, he won't hesitate in ordering your death. The Commonwealth won't be a repeat of the Capital Wasteland. He'll make sure of it.

Danse doesn't have many memories of the Enclave, but if it evoked a reaction like that out of Elder Maxson, then he's sure you can't be anyone good. The decision on what should happen to you is out of his control, but whatever is decided, he'll stick with and enforce. His loyalty to the Brotherhood outweighs his relationship with you. Even if you were considerably close to him, he'd still be firm in his stance. You either need to leave for another state or be exterminated. Heartbroken as he might be, this isn't the first time he's had to do something he found hard for the betterment of the Brotherhood. He was close to Cutler, and look where he is. Danse doesn't sympathize with enemies, and you're no exception.

Haylen might not have been a scribe during the Brotherhood-Enclave War, but she still remembers those moments vividly. It was concerning as a civilian, and she can't even imagine what it felt like for those who were on duty. Despite the threat you could be to the Brotherhood, she feels conflicted about completely dismissing you. You've done a lot to support their cause and, to her, that means something, no matter if you've got an Enclave marking or not. Whatever Maxson decides is what he decides, but know that if you ever happened to be in the same area, she'd gladly bring you a bit of supplies.

Desdemona notices it, and would've turned you away when you first discovered the Railroad if it weren't for Deacon vouching for you. She's suspicious of you from day 1 and nothing ever changes about that. Even if you helped them out from start to finish she'd be suspicious. The Enclave is a massive and very dangerous organization that the Railroad does not support in any capacity. The fascism alone makes her feel critically toward you and you'll have spies observing your every move until she decides that she finally trusts you, which probably won't happen until you show you've fully quit working with them altogether.

Deacon’s aware of who you're affiliated with early on, but he hopes his shpeal about looking at what the organizations are doing rather than what they're telling you will change your mind. He really likes you and thinks that you'd be a great asset to the Railroad, especially since you've had military training at some point from being with the Enclave. Maybe it's idealistic of him, but he's really hoping that he can get you to change sides. He knows what it's like to have a past you're not proud of, and he genuinely believes he can get through to you and convince you to quit the Enclave at some point. Even if no one else in the Railroad agrees with him on that. There's just something about you that he's always been drawn to, and he doesn't want to give up on you so fast.

Tinker Tom's with Dez on this. He doesn't trust you either and would build you a gun just so he can track where you go. Every time you come near him, his eyes go wide with fear and his shoulders tense up. You don't know it, but he's got a pocket knife on him that he's itching to use the second you do something to fast. The only thing that'd make him feel a little better about having you around is if you agree to be injected with his battery acid. It'll make him calm down a little bit, but he still won't exactly like having you around so often. You're just not one of them. The Enclave and the Railroad both have complete opposite goals and it's hypocritical for you to argue you're loyal to both.

Glory might actually start firing on you if you even slightly raise you're voice at anyone in HQ. She's with everyone else in that she doesn't think you're someone who can be relied on and she does everything she can to get that across to you. In fact, if you do anything she deems suspicious or possibly traitorous, she'll attempt to assassinate you on your next outing. You're going to have to prove a lot to her, and many other Railroad members that you're not going to sell them out the second the opportunity arises. She's rude to you, sure, but you've got to understand that this is her family she's trying to protect, and you being there is a threat in it of itself.

Father doesn’t care as much as he probably should. He doesn’t see the Enclave, or any group for that matter, as a threat. At most, they’re just a nuisance that might slow down the Institute, but it’s something that’s easy to fix. He's a bit cocky in that way. Unless your relationship with the faction interferes with any of the Institute's plans, he won’t pay much mind to it. Just keep them in DC, won’t you? There's enough organizations to deal with in the Commonwealth as it is, no point in adding another.

X6-88 doesn't like it, and he's very vocal about wanting you to quit, but it's ultimately your decision. In his mind, the Institute is the only faction you should be focused on, especially if you're planning on being the leader, so quitting the Enclave would be in your best interest. He also has a cocky outlook concerning the Enclave and fully believes that, if anything were to occur, the Institute would be able to defuse it instantly. Despite his disagreement with who you're affiliated with, he'll still follow you. You're still his boss, and until you give him a reason to suspect that you're not as committed to the cause as you claim, it's none of his business who you decide to work with.

Dr Li is on edge the moment that you’re introduced. She can’t help but think back on everything the Enclave's done to the world - done to her. She does her best to hide her face from you, and whenever she has to talk to you, she's noticeably more nervous and tense. All she can think about is the assassination of James and the abduction of the Lone Wanderer. She's never trusted them and doesn't intend on doing it now. She's fully convinced that part of why you're here is to finish the job in exterminating her. She doesn't believe for a second that you'll do the Institute right and will leave to rejoin the Brotherhood if you happen to stay. It stresses her out that none of the other scientists seem to feel as concerned as she is with the thought of you being in the heart of their bunker. No amount of pleading will get anyone else to agree with her about being suspicious and that makes her incredibly fearful.

[acourtofthought]

I wonder if SJM was trying to throw us off.

Many believe Gwyn's father is from Spring because of the Rite being mentioned. But we don't know whether Sangravah has their own Rite which is still a possibility.

Or the focus is on her grandfather being from Autumn and because she had a crackling energy which would suggest fire.

And she probably does have a dash of fire in there but I got to thinking..... Why would SJM write Gwyn's main background as being from two courts that we're already heavily saturated with?

We don't need another major connection to Autumn, we have Lucien, Eris, and their mother.

We don't need a connection to Spring, we have Lucien and Elain.

I'm guessing an Elucien book would deal with both those courts in some way and Day as well.

As far as other main characters who might have a pov, Mor has a good friendship with Viviane and has visited there, was preparing to head there in the novella. We're told her relationship to it's possible future High Lady is their bridge between courts and Lucien had an unnamed contact from Winter, mentioned in book 1. Emerie is noted as having possible recent Dawn Court ancestry, Lucien is friends with Nuan (also of Dawn Court). The only court that SJMs MMC / FMC's (ones who might have a POV) are lacking a personal connection with is Summer. Something that would give them reason to fully trust the court and a reason for future leads to end up there.

Of course we've got Amren’s relationship to Varian but I don't think Amren is getting a POV or will heavily feature in an Elucien or Gwynriel book so what reason would those pairings or even Mor / Emerie (if that's the direction she's headed) have to go to summer unless Gwyn's father is / was from Summer Court.

There's definitely imagery associated with Gwyn that fits in with the Summer Court by the sea.

And a few possibilities for future plots:

I've always thought Gwyn would retrieve Narben so having it in the sea off the coast of the Summer Court could be a possibility. Amren talks of hearing the information from a fleeing nymph and Gwyn is part nymph through her grandmother..

Also, Amren and Feyre were once rescued by water wraiths while in the Summer Court (if wraiths and nymphs are in fact one in the same), could this be when she heard the information from a "fleeing nymph"?

I realize the issue with the excerpt above is that it appears the wraiths only spoke to Feyre however I don't think SJM knew she'd create Gwyn's character or that Narben would be a missing item when she wrote ACOMAF. But just as she retconned the events of Sangravah to flesh out Gwyn's story, it's possible she's tweaking how the scene in the Summer Court happened.

And if Gwyn has water as an affinity (a power found in Summer) and it's exposed to that bit of fire she's got in her background, it could explain the crackling sound Nesta heard from Gwyn:

By the end of the series, I think SJM plans on having the courts at peace with one another but at this time, many of those relationships are still somewhat strained, especially when it comes to the Night Court.

Making it so her main characters have heritage from or connections to each of the courts in Prythian not only opens the door to mending those relationships but provides SJM a reason to revisit other courts which we've either only had small glimpses of or no glimpses of at all.