#so anyway who's ready for pain

[hajimariwaquartet]

make me your god, i can give you everything

[novelconcepts]

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bestie Deficiency

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[sergle]

I think my favorite thing about doing ginger red hair instead of cherry red hair is: lying to people about it

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

[bunnihearted]

ᯓ★

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

really channeled my inner yassified!howdy today via being practically comatose all day due to Migraine, then as soon as i woke up i demolished so many tacos in one sitting. he's just like me fr

[guruguruguruguru]

the longer i sit with it the more it really gets me how nobody ever really mentions obito and rin before obito's reveal in shippuden. kakashi vaguely mentions his old friends and i think other characters allude to the tragedy of kakashi's past but rin and obito themselves are lost to time. something about that is so fucking haunting and so gutting. you would think it would be a pretty big deal that two kids from the same class died within a year of each other, but the nine tails attack probably wiped so much clean that nobody could really carry the grief... still, when we see their class in flashbacks, we recognise almost everyone else, so... there's something really sad and hopeless about their absence...

there's a lot a LOT to say about it from a lot of different angles and i don't really feel like going into meta posting territory i just have big feelings about it you know? and to me i guess obito encapsulates a lot of the anger. for the people who get left behind and forgotten. and that can mean a lot of things

[itsnotacostume]

yeah <3

[widevibratobitch]

me when im obsessed with dead singers from 50 (well... mostly 70-120) years ago and im heartbroken to know i'll never see them on stage... never hear them breathe, never see them sweat, never even touch the hem of their garment...

it really is enough to drive a person mad...

[medicinemane]

It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move

Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)

Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back

...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet

[robinsnest2111]

maybe one day I'll release the "vince, nikki, and mick on their knees infront of tommy salivating over his dick" drawing into the wild...

[autoneurotic]

called out at work as an astarion girlie

[softquietsteadylove]

Hello dear!

I read about the Hanahaki Disease AU and it was beautiful and dramatic! I hope you don’t mind asking me this but would you write about how Thena found out about it because I think Gil would totally hide it from her as far as he can! I think this might add a lot of drama and angst :)

Thena looked up from her book, frowning as she heard an increasingly familiar coughing coming from the kitchen. "Gil?"

"Sorry," he cleared his throat, sipping from a glass of water by the time she came into the room, "just...taste testing--swallowed the wrong way."

Thena frowned, though. She wasn't buying it. "You've been coughing an awful lot, Gil. It doesn't seem like just a cold."

Gil remained facing away from her, stirring his stew. He was doing that an awful lot, lately--avoiding her in a way he never used to. "Really, Thena, it's...I'm sure it's nothing."

Thena set her book down on the counter and leaned next to him, catching his profile in the sun of the kitchen window. She always loved seeing him like this, with the steam hitting his face and the soft light on his skin. "Gil...look at me?"

He never could say no to her.

He looked different. Something about him was off, and she could tell. She could always tell when he was off, or if he was tired, of if he had something on his mind he hadn't figured out how to put into words yet.

He sighed as her palm brushed over his cheek, his eyes closing. It seemed to make things both better and worse, somehow.

"What's wrong?" Thena asked gently. She had never found Gil so reluctant to just...talk to her. She thought if there was anything they were the best at, it was talking--telling each other everything.

Gil seemed ready to say it. Whatever it was, it was on the tip of his tongue. But he started coughing again.

"Gil," Thena frowned again, reaching for him as he pulled away from her and reached for a tissue. "You should really go to the doctor for that. I'm sure Sersi could-"

"I'm fine."

Thena's brows furrowed. This wasn't just being stubborn, or not wanting to go to the doctor for it. Gil was being closed off, borderline cold, with her. With her. "Gil."

"Thena, really," he sighed, at least speaking more softly now that his coughing fit was done.

"I just," she paused, her arms wrapped around herself. She walked over to him, pretending not to notice how he tensed up as she got closer. She could pretend that didn't hurt. "I'm worried about you."

"I know," he said immediately, almost so quickly that she had to wonder if he meant it. "But-"

"Don't say you're fine," she warned him with a thin smile. She reached out, touching just the tips of her fingers to the back of his hand. He remained tensed, but he wasn't very good at being standoffish (that was her thing). He relaxed against her touch pretty quickly for having been so insistent on not telling her anything.

Gil looked at her, still seeming like he could be on the verge of telling her something. But he swallowed down whatever it was, tilting his head at her, "I have soup on the boil, y'know."

"Yes, yes, go attend to your--Gil."

He tensed, clenching the tissue in his hand tighter. He knew, and he knew that she had seen. "Thena-"

"You're," she swallowed, almost unable to bring herself to say it. Her eyes were glued to the faint edge of red, and the budding petal that had floated down to the floor from Gil's grasp. Her heart had stopped within her chest, grinding to a halt as reality gave her a freezing cold squeeze. "I...Hanahaki?"

His silence was all she needed to hear.

"Gil," she said again, and he kept quiet again. She gripped the back of the chair (the kitchen chair at his table that had been hers this whole time). "Gilgamesh, look at me!"

He was so resigned. He already knew it was Hanahaki, and he already knew how far along it was. And he hadn't wanted to tell her.

Thena sniffed, tears in her eyes, blurring the sight of him with that sad smile. "H-How...who-"

"It's okay, Thena."

"Don't say that!" she snapped at him, for lack of any other way to react to the devastating news. "Ever!"

"Thena," he sighed and came back over to her. She held out her hand and - after a moment - he relented, placing the bloodied rosebud into her hand. It was small, just barely showing signs of flowering.

Thena's tears fell into the tissue, around the rose and its bloodied stamen. Not him--not her Gilgamesh. "Who...?"

"Never mind that," he sighed, and he wouldn't be able to tell her anyway. That was how Hanahaki worked, after all. "Don't worry about it, okay? There's nothing we can do about it."

If only there were, Thena lamented. She gripped the bud in her hand, wishing she could swallow it for herself and take the wretched disease from Gil's lungs and into hers. She would in a heartbeat.

How did this even happen? Who would be foolish enough not to be in love with Gil?--her Gilgamesh? He was sweet, and funny, and charming, and handsome, and perfect! Who would dare-?! If she only knew, not that it would help the strange and fickle condition. Maybe she could ask some experts about it. Maybe some reading materials on it would vary between sources and practises and cultures. Maybe there was something they could try to help her poor, sweet Gil.

Who was he in love with?

"Thena, come on," Gil pleaded, pulling her into his arms as her tears resurfaced. He leaned his head against hers as she wept, pressing her tears into his chest, "it'll be okay."

Who was Gil in love with? And why wasn't it her?

[elvesofnoldor]

Ancient Vampire woman with a God complex processing trauma accumulated from being entombed for 6000 years at the hands of her husband. 10,000 dead 3283247 injured.

[maruxee]

so.

I know we're all clamoring to see Knives get his ass kicked (by Vash) in the next ep - including myself. And we know it's not gonna end well for anybody. And I'd be nice if Knives actually realized the extent of the damage he caused his brother, y'know?. But good lord, what would that even take, to have him reach that point?

So with that in mind, I've started to imagine scenarios - not looking to be canon, but just in a "wouldn't it be fucked up if" "what if" sort of way.

like

What if -

(warning: major character death)

The portal flickers and threatens to collapse as soon as he gets in.

Nai notices just in time to get out before it closes. He is livid. Goes to Vash's blackened form, demanding to know what he's doing. Grabs him by the shirt and inky dust floats off, staining his hands. He shakes Vash, demands an explanation, and a crack spiderwebs across Vash's neck. By the time Nai notices through his haze of fury, pieces are crumbling in his fist, and he is shocked into silence before he screams. His brother's name in one long agonized wail that makes the glass panel rattle.

Rot.

It sticks to Nai's skin as he helplessly watches his brother dissolve. He can't hear himself, what he's saying, all he knows is that it hurts like losing a limb, begging like there's anything left to listen. He can't sense anything anymore, the body is empty, there's nothing there but void. He knocked down the pillars of Vash's mind to the point it collapsed onto itself, left it with nothing to fill up the black hole of self-loathing. And now it grows.

Anything he touches crumples even more. Vash is now an ink block melting in the water, staining it like an oil slick, spreading like a stormcould. The roots, attached to their sisters, spilling out the tank and into the city, they shrivel so violently they squeeze anything caught in their grasp. Flecks of rot fall off them to poison anything they touch. The ground and the walls rumble like an omen, an echo of a fall from long ago. The entire city of July in a chokehold, caught in Vash's death grip.

Yet all Nai can do is keep screaming at the pocket of void where his brother had been, blades creaking as the rot makes them rust. Through the static in his head, he hears noise from behind the glass, pounding fists and loud aggression.

He turns and sees a small young woman. Dark hair, dressed in white.

Another one.

Like that woman that his brother attacked him for.

Like Rem.

Through the plant-blue fluid and flurries of black dust in the tank, her eyes are bright with tears and fury. Through the ringing in his head, he can't hear her words, but he knows. His only thoughts are Vash's words.

"It's my fault?"

He screams and stabs himself to pieces.