#the tragedy of trying to help someone who isn’t ready to be helped

[novelconcepts]

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

[codenamesazanka]

I'm trying to stay optimistic but the recent chapter was such a letdown after all of this speculation, and I'm really not ready for afo gave tenko decay to become canon :(

So, same as you, I've always hated the 'AFO gave Tenko Decay' theory, but I think it’s important to examine why. 

What I hate is less of the actual act - it is incredibly possible, after all, that AFO just gave this kid descendant of a hated enemy such a deadly quirk for his own twisted ends; and more in fear of what the confirmation of it might signifies - cheap 'easy-way-out' writing that would pretend to solve the problem of Shimura Tenko/Shigaraki Tomura while not actually doing so:

If Tenko was given Decay, then it means the Shimura massacre and then The Walk could've been avoided! 🎉 Because Tenko's hurt and anger at being repeatedly rejected by his father and family would not have manifested in such a lethal way, and so... what? Could've been ignored for a little longer? Wouldn't have sent him to the streets, where people should've helped him but didn't, and now Shigaraki's making them paying for that? (Somewhat related, I’ve seen people suggest that Decay makes Tenko itch because his body isn’t compatible with it, a la Aoyama - the itch is caused by the quirk. However, the day AFO brought Tenko home and Tenko was locked outside, Tenko already had scars around his eyes, and his mom was worried about “his allergies getting worse”. This suggests Tenko was already itchy and scratching at himself before he ever met AFO (and received the quirk that day). And given how the itch represents Tenko/Shigaraki’s frustration and anxiety, that Tenko says he’s only itchy in the house, demonstrates the Shimura household problem was a thing that hurt him long before AFO ever showed up that day.)

If Tenko was given Decay, then it means Shigaraki/Tenko is not innately a destructive and twisted child! Such a sweet kid would not have such a evil quirk! And he has no good reason to want to destroy stuff! 🎉 Because we're going to believe in the idea that ''Bad' Quirks Makes You A Bad Person’. And throw kids who do have unpleasant traits for whatever reason under the bus. And act as if Shigaraki wants to destroy because he's beholden to a gene inside of him, instead of having perfectly valid reasons to be angry and want to lash out.

If Tenko was given Decay, it means we don't have to worry about the 'what ifs' of having a deadly quirk like this even if the massacre never happen! 🎉 Because what if Decay was a naturally-occuring quirk? How would Heroes that aren't Eraserhead have dealt with an accident from such a quirk? Would Tenko have been forced to enroll in Quirk Counseling, which we know from Toga is such a great program? Would Tenko have grown up discriminated against, much like Shinsou, or worse? And these things are absolutely factors that would make someone feel ostracized in society and lash out, even without the backing of a crime lord?

If Tenko was given Decay, we have thee easiest way to deal with Shigaraki Tomura: the story can blame AFO for being the instigator of all tragedy and suffering - without Heroes needing to own up to the fact the society they've have been propping up for a century might play some role in creating Villains through countless, unintentional ways. The focus - the supposed real tragedy - becomes the fact that AFO gave Tenko a scary quirk, and Deku can focus his energies on that… instead of where, imo, the actual tragedies lie - an unhappy and dysfunctional home of generational trauma that was never dealt with, a city full of people who ignored an injured five-year-old because they put off all communal responsibility on Heroes*, and how this can all happen in a 'Hero-saturated society' without Tenko being helped in any of the multiple steps it took to get him to where he ended up under the bridge, being hugged by AFO.

* bonus: none of the people on the street knew what quirk Tenko had, so… what are we to make of this fact? Tenko could've easily been injured in a car accident, walked away, and still be ignored if AFO isn't revealed to made everyone ignore Tenko as well? But that would've been okay, Shigaraki would've been less pissed off, because it wasn't part of a villainous mastermind plot? 

Meanwhile, Shigaraki would be only a sad little pawn, an empty victim crammed with a deadly quirk and engineered trauma and fake wrath, and once Deku saves him by telling him his entire life was a lie, that he actually has no reason to feel so betrayed and angry (can't even direct that at AFO anymore, because the man’s gone), Shigaraki can (selfishly!) forget his friends and his experiences and take pleasure in knowing he wasn't supposed to be a Villain. He was supposed to be a Good Person, without an Evil Quirk, and now he can assimilate back into his rightful, conforming proper place in society!

However–I don’t think that sounds like Shigaraki at all. It could happen! God forbid it, but that is how Horikoshi can end up writing the character and the conclusion. I don’t know how likely that is. 

What I do know, though, is that Shigaraki is someone who already knows AFO is a manipulative asshole:

In Chapter 237, while reflecting on his newly regained memories, Shigaraki considers, “If only, back then, someone, anyone, had reached out to help… then maybe the itch would’ve gone away for good.” That he specifically says this last part after remembering specifically how AFO had found him, Shigaraki knew AFO didn’t actually help him, else the itch would’ve faded. 

In Chapter 277, Shigaraki is not particularly surprised that the AFO quirk comes with AFO’s ‘too-strong’ will. (Then tells AFO is shut up.) 

In Chapter 298, after AFO gives a whole spiel about how Shigaraki asked for this power, Shigaraki declares that he’s not going to be AFO’s “stinkin’ pawn”. (And started looking for a way to undermine AFO’s control)

In Chapter 379, Shigaraki outright states that he knew AFO was manipulating him, especially trying to make use of the Shimura and All Might connection. (And defeats the AFO vestige from inside out, taking his body back.) 

Unfortunately, Shigaraki is also someone who knows all this, but will still continue to rely on AFO’s double-edged gifts - keeping The Hands with him all this time; partnering with the Doctor; utilizing Gigantomachia into his Deika plan despite not having gained Gigantomachia’s respect yet; undergoing the surgery to receive the AFO quirk.

And finally, Shigaraki is someone who has already regained all his memories, back in MVA. He remembers being five-years-old and still not having manifested his quirk. He remembers AFO telling him that his quirk is a rare variant mutation, just so happened to be one that no one has ever seen before. In the latest chapter, the vision of Tenko holding hands with a man in a suit - that is Shigaraki’s memory. Shigaraki remembers this moment, of being Tenko and walking home, escorted by a stranger in a suit. And it appears, right after Deku declares that he’s going to keep striking at Shigaraki until he reaches the pain Shigaraki has buried and covered up with a lid.

What I’m getting at is this: I think - I hope! - there is a possibility that, if AFO did indeed give Tenko Decay, Shigaraki already knows AFO gave him the quirk - figured it out when he got his memories back, most likely - but is beyond caring. He knows Decay was given to him, that AFO had that hand in causing the massacre; but still Shigaraki uses it, still decides to embody the quirk as his.

Because however Shigaraki got Decay, it really doesn’t change anything about how the world works. It doesn’t change how his dad was locking him out of the house before he ever got any quirk, simply because he couldn’t/didn't want to follow a rule; and it doesn’t change how he was ignored by everyone that day on the street, and no one knew at all what quirk he had or what he did. Manifesting Decay only punted him down into a miserable social position that already existed - not for him at that moment in time, but for someone else; only gave him the ability to witness something that had always been there all the more clearly.

Now, this is very much a cope. But I can cope with the 'AFO gave Tenko Decay’, if it actually ends up giving Deku a harder time saving Shigaraki, if it forces Deku to become unable to blame AFO, because that was never the real injustice Shigaraki has been lashing out against. That’s really the main thing.

Thanks for the ask, anon! Sorry it’s long and rambling. 

[ryuichirou]

Thoughts on Rollo Flamm if you havent gotten this ask yet? SFW and NSFW headcanons? Also thoughts on MallRollo?

I’ve talked about MallRollo in this reply!

We love Rollo a lot. I think his design is one of the best twst designs, I’ve spent hours staring at him. His sprites are also great, he is so delightfully cranky and evil and over-the-top, like a feisty kitten lol And at the same time, he is deeply traumatized and a huge hypocrite, but all of this only makes him better. He is a very entertaining character; I miss him a lot :(

I also really appreciate the similarities he shares with Idia, and how differently they approach their fairly similar traumas; it was great to hear Idia speak about it and try to address Rollo’s feelings, but still call him out and acknowledge that none of the horrible things Rollo’s experienced could be used as an excuse for what he’s doing right now. And what I love even more is that Idia’s speech didn’t really help and only pissed Rollo off even more, because Rollo wasn’t ready to accept that what he’s experiencing is grief, and that he is just trying to retroactively fix something that could never be fixed by blaming people who had nothing to do with his tragedy. Since the event clearly happened post-chapter 6, Idia had already found some closure about what happened to Ortho; but Rollo clearly isn’t there yet. But it’s great, because I enjoy it when he yells and curses everyone and blames everyone and especially Malleus who just wants to have a good time lol

Oh, and the fact that he is voiced by Kamiya Hiroshi is also great, although he has like 3 lines. I wish the events were voiced.

Alright, sooo a couple of headcanons. Not a lot this time, since I can’t really say much.

There are people in Rollo’s school who have a crush on him. Rollo tries to ignore that, because the prospect of someone confessing their love to him sounds overwhelming and troublesome. He would probably reject this person anyway, so no one even tries to confess to him.

One of the gargoyles was Rollo’s first kiss. They were just teasing him and playing around, but Rollo took it very seriously. Although if you asked him, he would probably say that he hasn’t kissed anyone yet. And that this is a foolish question to ask someone.

His body is obviously mature enough to experience sexual urges, his mind also wanders into this territory sometimes, but he is still bothered by it. He doesn’t want to wake up with dirty underwear and worry about getting an erection at the worst moment possible. It does happen with him though.

Not only he experiences sexual desire, he is also very kinky, despite being such a prude. It’s like a Pandora’s box for him, deep inside and subconsciously he is afraid that once he opens it, there isn’t going to be a way to close it anymore. He isn’t wrong…

He is masochistic and also someone who would actually enjoy getting overwhelmed by both pain and pleasure, because it’ll make his thoughts and feelings too numb for some time. That’s why once he opens that door, he might take things very far and be quite brutal to himself.

[kazz-brekker]

hotd episode 8 thoughts

boy! this family really never can have a funky good time together without something happening, can they? (i say as a distraction from my immense emotional pain)

rhaenys you may never have been queen of westeros but you are queen to ME.

really liked the bits of daemon and rhaenyra’s life married that we got to see and how comfortable they were with each other. hbo, i’m just saying, but it’s not too late to abandon this whole “adapting the dance of the dragons” idea and just do a 5 season sitcom about the dragonstone household.

wow alicent really has become the westerosi equivalent of a christian housewife but also with girlboss ambitions.

the scenes with the dying viserys made me so sad. rhaenyra trying to talk to her father but he’s too incoherent to understand … introducing him to the grandkids … daemon helping him climb the iron throne … god it really got to me see how much they care about him and how much he was hurting :(

baby aegon iii and viserys ii were really cute though!

no … alicent … please don’t uphold the patriarchy and become complicity in the oppression of women … don’t continue the cycle of abuse begun by others that you now perpetuate…

i am impressed by how quickly this show made my opinion on aegon ii go from “annoying yet entertaining” to “die in a hole you rat bastard.”

congrats to daemon and rhaenyra (and rhaenys!) for raising some much better-adjusted teenagers, definitely liked what we saw of the older versions of the kids.

adult aemond is an absolute menace and i am going to enjoy every single second of his screen time.

jesus christ rhaenyra it’s been SIX YEARS and you still haven’t told rhaenys and corlys their son isn’t dead? please get on that! did love that those two had another scene together at last, though.

the scene where viserys dragged himself to court to sit judgement over the inheritance case was pretty powerful.

damn vaemond velaryon was kind of an ambitious asshole but he really didn’t deserve to die like that. kind of love that daemon was like “talk shit about my wife and you get a sword to the face” though, very in character.

those 30 seconds at the dinner party where everyone was getting along were so bittersweet, it did such a good job of establishing that the whole impending tragedy COULD have been averted if things went differently.

viserys really did need to put his foot down more often and be a stronger king, but it’s also so sad that he just wants his family to get along and love each other and it’s just not going to happen.

helaena honey i am going to rescue you and your ominous prophecies from your terrible husband, you deserve so much better.

the fact that viserys left the room and things immediately went to shit and the younger generation got into a fistfight was peak black comedy, not gonna lie.

the dramatic pause before aemond finished his “strong boys” toast … yeah i love him.

mentally chanting kiss! kiss! kiss! at rhaenyra and alicent as if this could someone how avert all the impending doom.

god, that last scene with alicent and viserys was so good and i am obsessed with how viserys’s obsession with prophecy and the future of his house is actually what dooms it.

PEAK asoiaf vibes to have the prophecy that was supposed to be the duty of the house instead lead to its downfall!

i’m really going to miss paddy considine as viserys, he brought so much depth and complexity to a character who was pretty flat in the book.

i know this whole show has been building up to the dance of the dragons but ohhhhh man am i not ready to see things actually begin in earnest now that the king is dead.

if anyone needs me i will be sitting here trying to process the hour of television i just watched!

[lady-harrowhark]

Locked Tomb Characters as Taylor Swift Songs

hey there tlt demons, it’s me... your local taylor swift girl. credentials include over 15 years of swiftie experience and a well documented primal urge to infodump about both the locked tomb AND taylor swift. more under the cut because this thing is a beast. let’s get into it.

(update: Spotify link added in the comments)

Gideon: The Story of Us. Listen. Gideon is a Speak Now girlie. I will die on this hill. Everything is so cinematic - the fireworks, the kissing in the rain, it’s just like her comic books! She will absolutely be singing this album in the shower. And if you have anything to say about it? Sucks to have shitty taste, my dude, sounds like you hate fun. 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah I don't know what to say since the twist of fate When it all broke down and the story of us Looks a lot like a tragedy now... next chapter

Harrow: Hoax. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How dare you assign her a song not from Reputation?” And aesthetically, I hear you. She probably wants you to think that, actually. But while Harrow can identify with Reputation’s themes of the juxtaposition of public persona and private identity, she viscerally rejects the sweetness and vulnerability of Rep era tracks like Call It What You Want and New Year’s Day. But Folklore... Folklore is for abject despair. Hoax is Harrow crying into the mattress, remembering what she’s done. Hoax is “I still love you.”

My only one, my smoking gun, my eclipsed sun This has broken me down My twisted knife, my sleepless night, my win-less fight This has frozen my ground Stood on the cliffside, screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in

Ianthe: Better Than Revenge. We’re not supposed to like this one. In theory, the description of “Diss track about ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, written by an 18 year old” doesn’t really hold any appeal for me. But when you listen to it, you can’t help but love it in all its nasty glory. Sometimes women are mean, and I need a song to scream to about it. (Ianthe thinks she’s doing Dress with Harrow. She’s not.)

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it I underestimated just who I was dealing with She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum She underestimated just who she was stealing from

Coronabeth: Mirrorball. Corona is an expert at reflecting back what people want to see. She studies military history for Judith, learns all about shuttles for a boy who wouldn’t look twice at her, she pulls off the long con of convincing the empire she’s a necromancer. She’s a mirrorball.

I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze, I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me Because I'm a mirrorball, I’m a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

Palamedes: Champagne Problems. Oof. You must have known this one was coming, right? Unlike most of the songs on this list, Palamedes is the subject of this song rather than the narrator. You know who the narrator is.

Your mom's ring in your pocket, my picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it: champagne problems ... One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

Camilla: I’m Only Me When I’m With You. A personal favorite of mine that doesn’t get nearly the love it deserves. If this isn’t her and Palamedes, I don’t know what to tell you. And after the events of NtN... um...

And I know everything about you, I don't wanna live without you I'm only up when you're not down Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground It's like no matter what I do Well, you drive me crazy half the time The other half I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you

Nona: A Place in This World. Nona Palona. Kiddie. Junior. No-No. Cutie Pie. Lil Bits. Was there ever any other choice for her? This song is the perfect blend of slice-of-life and the inherent isolation of Figuring Out What Your Deal Is. Some people’s deal is being the soul of a murdered planet in someone else’s body, you know? It happens.

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine Could you tell me what more do I need? And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah, but that's okay ... Oh, I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Pyrrha: Right Where You Left Me. Look, I’m sorry about this one. But if you really expected me to pick anything else for the woman who’s spent the past ten thousand years watching every person she’s ever loved leave her behind in one way or another? That’s on you.

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I'm right where you left me ... You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Alecto: My Tears Ricochet. This song never fails to give me the chills when I listen to it in the car. Taylor’s ghost story metaphor for being taken advantage of by her record label until she was forced to leave maps on eerily well to John’s betrayal. I’ve been trying to be succinct in my lyrical excerpts, but fuck it, Alecto can have two stanzas, as a treat.

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears

John: Dear John. Honestly, any number of characters could be the narrator here, but I’m primarily thinking of Alecto. Mercy was right about putting an age limit on the Lyctor trials: “don’t you think nineteen’s too young?” John is also getting two stanzas to better exemplify the extent of my rage here. Fingers crossed for Alecto shining like fireworks over his sad empty town in AtN!

Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said "Run as fast as you can"

You are an expert at sorry, and keeping the lines blurry Never impressed by me acing your tests All the girls that you've run dry have tired, lifeless eyes 'Cause you burned them out But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so don't look now I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town

Kiriona: Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve. Right up front, I will acknowledge that this is a much different context than Taylor wrote this song about. However, the imagery is so spot on for Kiriona’s rage. Taylor was right to save this one for the 3 AM version of Midnights, not because it doesn’t deserve to be on the standard album, but because it would have completely overshadowed every other track with the rawness of her anger and regret. I feel physically ill every time I hear the line “Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.” And Kiriona’s no stranger to giving someone your whole life and realizing they didn’t even want it. 

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

Mercymorn: Anti-Hero. I feel this one so strongly that I have actually already made a separate post comparing the lyrics to specific Mercy quotes (and I kind of want to do the same for Kiriona… hmmm). Unlovable Mercymorn, critical Mercymorn... it must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero.

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me At tea time, everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Augustine: The Archer. You know, I almost gave him Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince just for the drama and scheming, but I think The Archer captures the genteel façade overlaying his true feelings. It brings to mind the conversation during Dios Apate (minor) where he says he wants to believe that he could’ve stopped Alfred if he’d had just a bit more time. Ouch. 

All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends Help me hold onto you

G1deon: I Knew You Were Trouble. We know it, we love it, we laughed ‘til we cried over the version with goat noises edited in. He knew he was playing with fire, and look how things ended up.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in So shame on me now Flew me to places I'd never been Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground

Wake: Cowboy Like Me. A country ballad? For Wake? It’s more likely than you think. Cowboy Like Me is the story of two swindlers who didn’t mean to actually catch feelings... sound familiar?

Now you hang from my lips Like the Gardens of Babylon With your boots beneath my bed Forever is the sweetest con I've had some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me And I’m never gonna love again

Pash: philosophical exemption

Judith: Enchanted. I knowwww, it seems a little frilly and glittery for Judith, but hear me out. How starstruck she was over Marta, how working with her for the first time did absolutely nothing to change that. Thinking of no one else until she’s able to suggest her for her cavalier, secretly reading, ahem, “materials” and dreaming about making things different between them... Yeah, Judith was definitely enchanted to meet her.

This is me praying that This was the very first page Not where the story line ends My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon I was enchanted to meet you

Cytherea: Look What You Made Me Do. The old Cytherea can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Cause she’s dead! I love this for Cyth, not just for surface level content, which certainly fits, but for the context of the song. When LWYMMD was first released, the public consensus was that it was a response to the whole Kim/Kanye situation. In the years since, though, it’s become public that behind the scenes, Taylor was struggling to regain control of her work from her record label. With that context, much of the lyrics and music video reflect that conflict, rather than the one everyone assumed. In the same way, Cytherea’s motivation and actions look much different through the lens of what we learn throughout the next two books.

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Dulcie: Bigger Than The Whole Sky. This one hurts. In a series full of tragedy, the fact that this delightful menace never got to meet Palamedes and Camilla in person is enough to break my heart. Our sweet little malign fairy, who has never done anything wrong in her life. 

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye You were bigger than the whole sky You were more than just a short time And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet What could've been, would've been What should've been you

Abigail: September. Not a Taylor Swift original, but her folksy cover of the classic is so soft and cozy. Comforting, in that Abigail way. If she and Magnus danced to this one, I can’t blame him for keeping a scrap of her dance card.

Our hearts were ringin' In the key that our souls were singin' As we danced in the night, remember How the stars stole the night away

Magnus: Starlight. More songs for saving dance cards! I can imagine him both sweetly dancing with Abigail AND being a huge dork and embarrassing Isaac and Jeannemary to this one. (Noooooo Magnus, don’t dance to Taylor Swift!)

And I said, "Oh my, what a marvelous tune" It was the best night, never would forget how we moved The whole place was dressed to the nines And we were dancing, dancing Like we're made of starlight, starlight

Isaac and Jeannemary: Long Live. Because that’s what they should’ve been able to do, ugh. I sort of meant this as a joke but when I went to copy the lyrics over I started getting all teary-eyed, so, you know. It’s fine.

Will you take a moment? Promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if, God forbid, fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children some day When they point to the pictures Please tell 'em my name Tell 'em how the crowds went wild Tell 'em how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life with you

Cassiopeia: Vigilante Shit. I love the image of Cassy as a contract lawyer vigilante, but I also love the implications in this song that she was working behind his back with his wife Alecto. Gotta make sure she gets the Benz in the divorce, and if the FBI get involved? Well, that’s out of her hands at that point [sips coffee].

She needed cold hard proof so I gave her some She had the envelope, where you think she got it from? Now she gets the house, gets the kids, gets the pride Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Anastasia: Haunted. The church bells! The drama! So very Ninth. With Haunted, we get both her devastation at “misapprehending” the ascension process and her growing horror at the ways she’s begun to realize they’ve all been manipulated.

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong You're all I wanted Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

[moonshine-nightlight]

Don't Shoot the Messenger: Part Three

Despite how it might seem, being a messenger for the feared sea-demon pirate, Admiral Satrasi, infamous far and wide for having an entire fleet of raiding vessels  who answer to him alone, is a relatively safe job. After all, no one knowingly crosses the Admiral. However, it appears the most recent captain looking to join his fleet hasn’t gotten that bulletin yet.

Fantasy, pirates, male monster x female reader, male demon, M/F, Part 3 of 9

Story Status: COMPLETE

AO3: Don't Shoot the Messenger Chapter 3

[Part One] [Part Two] Part Three [Part Four] [Part Five] [Part Six] [Part Seven][Part Eight] [Part Nine - NSFW]

As if to soothe and remind yourself of where you are now, you dream of your first meeting with Satrasi.

You triple check your basket, wanting to make sure you’re leaving none of your precious few possessions behind in this barn, lost among the straw.

Mr. Herly had asked you for your help managing the animals and other household chores while his wife recovered from giving birth. Long days getting up early and working late, doing all manner of physical tasks, is hard, but having fresh food and a warm place to sleep is worth it. They don’t have much to spare, especially with the babe to account for now, and so soon enough they let you know it's time you moved on. 

You check your clothing last, making sure you skirt and jacket are as clean as you can make them and your stays are as tight as they can be over your chest. One of the easiest ways to make you look younger is by keeping your chest as flat as possible. Folks are less wary and more sympathetic when they forget how old you were. 

You’ve lived in this town your whole life, so everyone knows about the girl orphaned by tragedy—and you want them to keep thinking of you that way as long as you can, want to hold onto that goodwill, with a slight wariness like bad luck might be catching, for as long as can. Only trouble can come on the heels of them realizing you grew into a woman of marrying age—or more likely, bedding age—two years ago. Luckily, time is a slippery thing to keep track of and no one ever wants to believe its passing as fast as it is, especially not older folks.

Between the fact that you never grew overmuch and you do your best to keep looking as you always have, you hope to stay a child in everyone’s eyes as long as you. People underestimate a child, at least one as small, polite, and quiet as you, far more than they do a grown woman. Or at least they don’t think of you enough to distrust you. Just enough to think on how you might be useful to be worth some food. Then you move on to the next few who might be willing to feed you—and someone always needs help with something.

Not that you haven’t been thinking, more and more often lately, that it might be best to leave your town for good. 

You’ve no permanent home, but you have hideaways you frequent: an overhang by the river, Old Man Mills’ outlying barns, ruins of the road lookout. Today, you head for the cave on the outskirts of town. Far from the river, but far less frequented, it would help you stay cool and had its own freshwater pool which made for a good respite from the sun and its heat. 

With its spot by the road, it should also let you keep an eye on any comings and goings. People coming in are always worth giving the innkeeper a fair warning about so she could get the inn ready for guests. She might even need a hand taking care of them. If any townsfolk are heading into the city to trade, that might also be a chance for you to tag along to the large port city three days ride. You've been trying to familiarize yourself with it as much as you can before moving there permanently.

Unfortunately, the cave isn’t one you can stay in long term: too cold in the winter, not secure in the slightest—not to mention eventually your back starts to ache something fierce from sleeping on stone for too long. But it was a wonderful escape for a few days, to think by yourself and take stock of what you have, and you like to give yourself and the town a break from your presence so no resentment or annoyance starts to fester. 

It’s a fine line to walk between helpful and pitiable orphan and troublesome, layabout beggar.

You’ve always preferred it on the edges anyways.

You duck off the road and head down to the cave, eyes sharp for any obvious foot traffic or signs someone else might have thought it a good place to camp out in. Nothing on the way down at first, but right by the entrance there are some odd tracks in the dirt, almost like large snakes. That’s enough to make you wary—there aren’t any animals of that sort around here and you’re fairly certain the forest demon that roams these woods is more deer- or wolf-like than snake-like. You’ve certainly no desire to disrupt them and so you wait in the shadows, listening and watching for any sign someone else might already be in your refuge. 

When enough time passes, you carefully enter, ready to flee if a single thing looks out of place. Slowly your hackles lower as the cave looks as if it always has and no sound—not even of someone sleeping—reaches your ears. You perform your usual checks, storing your food only when you’re certain there’s no one here that might take it from you. 

All you find is a rusted and bent belt buckle that looks weeks old. Maybe a traveler did take advantage of the cave rather than pay for a night at the inn and this is all they left behind. That's happened before.

Finally more secure in the knowledge you’re alone, you leave your jacket—once a few different threadworn blankets people had thrown out which you sewed together to help keep you warm— and your basket in an alcove invisible from the main cave and head for the pool.

The pool’s surface is as still as it always has been, reaching the back wall of the cave and obviously going deeper under the rock than you could ever swim. Every few years the young and brash remember this cave and try to dare each other to see how far they can get, see if they could find the secret room legend says holds treasure if only you could swim far enough, but no one ever has. You’re fairly certain the water never hits air again and you’re grateful when the others forget about the cave once again. 

There’s a few small holes in the ceiling near the pool, enough to let a couple shafts of light in, but not big enough for anything else to come through. It gives enough light to the closest shore so to speak of the pool, helping to ensure you don’t just walk straight in. Besides, the water was dark enough even with that light, always so deep even this close to the edge. The light helps make it approachable enough for you to take a drink. 

You lean down to do just that, cupping some of the cool, clear water and slurping, only for something to catch you attention. Is there something reflective in the water? You narrow your eyes and reach, carefully holding the edge of the pool with one hand as you plunge the other down. There’s a narrow shelf around the edge of the pool and the water goes up past your elbow before your hands close around something long and metallic, but pliable too. You frown as you pull back to sit on your heels, kneeling next to the pool to study your prize.

It's not quite a chain, almost a braid of silver. A lanyard of some sort? But why make one out of silver? Awfully pricey for a bit of flash. It doesn’t appear to be a necklace or bracelet–too thick for that and the wrong length. How would one even wear this?

“Is that my aiguillette?” an echo-y, wet, but deep voice makes you freeze, your head wiping up to try to discover the source of the sound. How could you have missed someone else being here? You’d looked everywhere. “Thought I’d lost it.”

Without realizing it, you find yourself staring across the pool to the back wall of the cave. Red eyes that glow with black pupils stare back at you from just over the water’s surface. They blink and you realize numbly that the creature has four of them, two smaller eyes without pupils at all are just off the outer corner of their primary eyes.

Demon, your mind instantly supplies. 

The eyes move up, getting higher above the water for all it doesn’t so much as ripple at their movement. They move closer too, but you can’t find the energy to get up. You’re fairly certain it wouldn’t matter if you could. Demons are notoriously fast and strong. If this one wants to catch you, you're already caught.

A shaft of light finally illuminates more of them and your eyes trace over slick, gray skin and scattered clusters of dull red scales reflect some of the light. A brief glimpse of his facial expression seems amused more than anything, which you suppose is better than hungry. 

“How about you hand that back over to me, hm?” he asks, coming to a halt about two yards or so away from the edge of the pool where you are. His eyes dart to where you have the silver braid clutched instinctively to your chest.

Silver’s worth something, even the town blacksmith would be able to give you good coin for it, not to mention a silversmith at the port. 

You don’t hesitate in tossing it to him. Not only does it sound like it was his to start with and you’re no thief, but no bit is worth your life.

An arm reaches to catch it with ease, although… You frown. There’s a frilled fin coming from his forearm, but the skin of it looks dull and limp, almost fragile. When he moves forward just a little bit more, he ends up in a larger pocket of light. While he runs his fingers over the silver, you notice that all of his skin, or is it scales on a sea demon? look similarly dull and pale. Are they actually gray? Or some other color that’s been almost washed out?

“My thanks,” he says, and he sounds sincere enough under his amusement that your eyes snap back to his strange ones. He appears to be studying you with some interest and your skin prickles with nerves. You prefer to be below most people’s notice and this demon certainly is no exception. Still, you’re not certain fleeing is the right choice. What if that just makes him try to chase?

You can’t seem to look him in the eye for long without losing your sense of where you are, which scares you because you always keep your surroundings in mind. So you let your eyes trail down, noticing he’s not wearing a stitch as far as you can tell. Has he been back somewhere in the depths of the pool, of the cave, all these years? Wouldn’t the silver have been more tarnished? You’ve certainly never seen it before.

You narrow your eyes because there is a silent sort of movement in the water around his chest, as if he’s breathing heavily, but he doesn’t sound out of breath and you can see his face. You have to stop yourself from leaning closer, instead just squinting to try to make out… a glint of…teeth?

All of a sudden the image solidifies to you. He doesn’t have a large scar down his front: it's a mouth with almost metal teeth in it, opening and closing as it takes in water. 

“No need to be so nervous,” he says, definitely entertained by your newly discovered fear likely evident by the goosebumps that spread to cover you. “You’re hardly more than a morsel.”

A shiver goes down your spine at his words, despite the fact that you do find you believe him. You can’t decide if you were wrong about him being hungry or not. Each second that passes without him attacking you helps ease your nerves.

When next you refocus on his face, he’s leaning a bit closer, his own eyes narrowed at you. “Do you speak at all, little bite?”

You flush and reply without thinking, “When the situation calls for it.”

He laughs at that, revealing pointy, bright white teeth. “Well said. What brings you to this lovely cave? I’ve been here for days with no visitors.” 

“I should think not,” you say, adjusting your seat and interested in what he might reveal. Now that you’re fairly sure he isn’t going to kill you, you’re intrigued despite your survival instinct. “No one really comes here, except kids trying to see how far they can swim.” You nod towards where the pool goes under the rock wall. “Too out of the way for most townsfolk.”

“So there is a town nearby,” he says, seemingly to himself.

You frown. “What are you doing out here, if you don’t even know about the town?”

His smirk returns at your question. “Some folks managed to get the jump on me, intent on cashing in some bounty from the Governor based on their chatter.” 

You don’t need to hear the rest. The Governor of your province doesn’t have an outstanding bounty for demons in general, so this one had to have done something to earn a bounty substantial enough to warrant someone going after him. He must be some sort of bandit or, more likely, a pirate given his nature.

Your eyes have continued to adjust to the light and his small movements so you give him another sweep as you think on his story. There it is—a gash on his shoulder you hadn’t noticed but now you can see is fresh. Something else on that same side of his torso also looks damaged, murky as your view is through the water. 

“I assure you, they came out of the encounter far worse,” his voice has more of a hiss to it this time when it interrupts your thoughts. He doesn’t look defensive, but rather as though he doesn’t want you getting any bright ideas—as if you thought yourself able to take this demon on even if he’d been missing the arm entirely. You don't survive by fighting. You survive by not being noticed and by making yourself useful enough to outweigh any burden you cause.

“You’re stuck though, aren’t you?” you ask, feeling the truth in your words as you say them. Sea demons need the sea, although to what extent you’re not sure, and this pool is freshwater. The fight he was in might justify a brief rest to recover, but despite the lack of blood and his own admission to being here for a few days now, he’s not left yet. He isn’t doing too well either, he looks faded somehow or maybe even swollen? It's so hard to tell with the light and the water, but something isn’t right and he hasn’t left to make it right yet.

You’re always on the lookout for who best to offer your help to, an expert at determining who needs you enough to accept your aid and not chase you off. This water might be better than no water, especially after however long he was captured for, but it's not the sea. 

He raises his brows at that and adjusts himself so he’s leaning on a stalagmite that reaches from down below to just barely breach the surface of the pool. “Is that so?”

“Sea’s more than three days' ride from here,” you say instead, answering his real question. “By road. Can’t get across the mountain without the tunnel on foot any faster.”

He hums thoughtfully at that, the sound resonating through the air and water. “I see.” 

When he seems content to think over your words, you chance moving. Leaning to the right, you take the waterskin you have, filling it up, before leaning over to drink more yourself, never having truly satisfied your thirst before he spoke.

“Bold little creature, aren’t you?” he comments and your eyes move to meet his once more. You’re good at reading what people think of you, and while no one’s ever called you ‘bold’ before, you can tell he at least doesn’t think it bad thing. If anything, he seems impressed. No one’s ever been impressed by you before. “I think I might be offended, if you’re over your fear so quickly.”

You tilt your head to the side as you consider his words. “You already said you’d no plans to eat me. And if you wanted to, I doubt this distance,” you motion between you and him, “would cause that outcome to be any different. And I’m thirsty.”

He chuckles, the sound bouncing around the cave oddly. You’re not sure if he’s intentionally trying to be menacing. He doesn’t seem to be and, for whatever reason, it's not working regardless. You have long honed instincts about people and, for whatever reason, your nerves don’t rate him as a current threat. Dangerous because of what he is and how strong he is, but with no intentions of causing harm. Far better than the reverse. 

He gestures back at the water and says, “Far be it from me to stop you, little bite.”

You blink once at him before taking another sip, slurping even louder than before, not sure what about him is bringing about this cheeky side of you. Maybe it's just that he’s the first person in a while that doesn’t seem inclined to take advantage of you right up until they turn you out.

After drinking your fill without further commentary, you look up to see he’s gone back below the water’s surface. You don’t see him again while you work on patching your clothes in the light by the cave mouth and taking time to enjoy the lack of back-breaking farm labor in the cool cave. It’s not until you eat supper and need another drink that he resurfaces.

You chew the bread in your mouth as he watches silently, as if he’s weighing you or his next few words with care. You glance down at your basket, at the food you have to last you the next few days and mentally tally up how much longer your supplies will last, even if you manage to gather some berries, if you have to feed him too. It’s hard to gauge height with him in the water, but he’d called you a morsel so you figure his appetite must be large.

“No need to fret, little bite,” he says, voice sounding even wetter than before, which you hadn’t thought possible. “I’ve no interest in pilfering your scraps. There’s food enough for me in the water.”

You blink and then lean forward to ask, “Is there?” This demon has no doubt managed to explore far further than anyone else from town has and you’re fascinated by what he might have seen. “Never seen any fish in the pool. There are only rumors of treasure so deep none can reach it.”

He smirks and says, “No treasure that I’ve seen, but there are some other pools, close but not connected, that I can move between.” He goes on to tell you of his exploration. You mostly let him talk, content to listen to his strange voice and hear tales. You feel the weight of his red, red gaze every time you ask a question. You wonder if he’s mesmerizing you—you’ve heard tell of sirens who can do that—but you don’t think that’s right. And why would he bother, even if he had the strength?

When he’s done talking about the caves and you’re done eating, he swims closer and asks about town. This is more the type of talking you’d expect, though he needn’t try to hypnotize you to get it—if that even was what he was doing. 

It’s strange how comfortable you feel with him. You’ve never even met a demon or a pirate before, but maybe that’s part of it. Maybe it’s that you know how strong he is and so there’s no point in worrying about it. Maybe it's just that it is nice to be seen and not worry about the consequences. He’s so beyond this small town and its small minded people who will remember everything about you that you’d rather they didn’t and only half the things you wish they would.

Maybe it's just that he’s giving you a taste of the world beyond this town that appears more enticing by the day. 

Without the need to watch yourself, leaning against the wall of the cave with your knees drawn up and your arms wrapped around them, you find your eyes constantly tracing his inhuman features. His eyes, the wild tendrils he has in place of hair, each new cluster of red scales that your eyes can find—all captivate you, so unusual and beautiful, but in a way you’ve never seen before. Even so, the more time you spend doing so, the more time you spend listening to him and talking with him, the more you feel a worry grow in the back of your mind. 

Worry for him. 

Because he is not well. The color of his skin looks more and more unnatural, the strange almost puffiness to his form, the way he looks almost squishy concerns you—he looks swollen. Even the way that strange mouth continues to heave in his chest.

“Little bite?” You blink, startled from your thoughts at his breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen. “I’ve a proposition for you.”

“What sort of proposition?” you ask, interested despite yourself. Even though you’d previously liked the lack of expectations, you know as well as anyone, when you need help, politeness or pride has no business being in the picture.

“You were right earlier,” he admits with a disgruntled frown, though you’re fairly certain it's with the situation he finds himself in, not with you. “I was held out of water entirely for too long and this freshwater is barely any better—with its own set of problems. If you can get word to my crew or even just you fetch me something to help me gather enough strength to leave this hole, I’ll reward you handsomely.”

You assume his crew is at the port and a minimum six day commitment to go there and back, regardless of your ability to find them, is a lot. As for supplies… “What sort of something?”

“Salt,” he says. “Sea salt preferably, but any salt will do. Three pounds of it, at least.”

While there’s certainly salt in the village, that would be a lot to go missing at once—for no one would sell you that much and you don’t have the money for it regardless. Trying to take some from everyone would be too risky as well. “I’d have to go to the port for that. I’d need money and food to get me there, in the least,” you point out.

He’s not thrown off by your request and nods. “I’ll tell you where the wreckage from my fight with my kidnappers is. They had a series of wagons and other supplies. Since they were avoiding towns, I bet no one else has found it yet.”

“How do you know I won’t just take that salvage and not the rest of your offer?”

“I don’t,” he says bluntly. “ Beyond that I assure you I can offer far more than such meager scraps, if you do take it.”

“What if I go through all this trouble and get back to find you dead or gone?” you ask, more to hear his response than because you think it’ll change your mind.

“That’s a risk you'll have to take,” he concedes. 

You appreciate how up front he is as you continue to weigh the risks in your mind.

“I don’t work with people I don’t know,” you say, more out of habit than expecting anything in return.

“Name’s Satrasi,” he replies easily. “We’ve already been talking. What more do you want to know?”

As you say his name to yourself, realize you don’t need to know anything more about him, not really. 

You’ve already made up your mind.

So you simply ask, “Where’s the wreck?”

Satrasi smiles.

[Part Four]

[solitaireships]

❓️ for the prompt meme (one of my favorite emojis tbh) - effiesaude

Emoji prompts: ❓ - “is this what you want?”

This prompt is now officially the longest thing I've written for on here, so thank you for the suggestion @orlz! I ended up going with Alexander for this, tho I did consider using Bruce for a bit bcs I associate that emoji with him a lot lol

Rating: G

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2033 words

Content warning: Mentions of plagues/epidemics

Divider by newlips (who apparently deactivated, but I have the link to the post with the dividers)

The sound of a bell ringing draw’s Xenia’s attention away from the monotony of reviewing shipping details at the counter of her bookshop. The work day is drawing to an end, and with that there always seems to be fewer people stopping by the bookshop. She doesn’t mind the break— there are always plenty of customers around lunch. But as her shift draws closer and closer to ending, a final push to keep herself from getting too tired is appreciated.

And it’s even more appreciated when she sees none other than Alexander walking in.

“General,” Xenia greets with a nod.

“Detective,” he replies. 

“Give me just ten more minutes.”

“Take all the time you need.”

He says that, but Xenia knows that time is a precious commodity. For the two of them, she would argue that it’s even more precious.

Xenia had thought that Alexander and his troops would leave after the Polyhedron fell. They had only come here to help deal with the Sand Pest. She had expected that they would leave after it had been dealt with, going off towards another military campaign. Especially with the commander at their head— everyone knows about Alexander Block, how he rose through the ranks to become a general younger than anyone had before. Big things were supposed to be ahead of him.

And yet he got sent to a dying town. He was sent to a village ravaged by a plague, with no medical team sent along with him to lend a hand. Sent with troops who planned a mutiny against him, left to solve a problem with no clear solution. It feels like too much of an oversight to have been an actual mistake, but as much as Xenia loves to pull at the threads of a mystery, trying to prove some grand conspiracy is beyond the scope of her amateur detective work.

Regardless, Alexander’s time in the Town-on-Gorkhon is far from what anyone could have expected it to be. With it already being outside of what’s expected, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that the general decided to stay in town after the Polyhedron came down.

He’s kinder than Xenia would have expected from a man nicknamed General Ashes. He didn’t want to leave the town to heal on its own, left to pick up the pieces after an unimaginable tragedy. Not all of his troops were happy about the decision to stay in town, and neither were all of the town’s citizens. 

But at the end of the day, Xenia thinks that this will be for the best. When someone’s recovering from a sickness, others can help with the healing process. She doesn’t see a reason why things should be different for a town recovering from an illness. 

Though she might be biased in wanting Alexander to stay here. That was another surprising thing that came from him staying in town these past couple of months. 

Xenia had expected a lot of things from Alexander, but the last thing that she had expected was that she would start dating him. And for once not being able to predict things isn’t terrifying. Caring for him is one surprise she doesn’t dislike. 

Xenia finishes putting the store’s earnings away for the day, locking it up in a vault built into the floor behind her counter. When she gets back up, Alexander is standing by the shop’s door like he’s keeping guard, making sure that no one can come in to interrupt the closing process.

He’s affectionate in his own way. Xenia can appreciate that. She knows she doesn’t show she cares in the most traditional ways either. 

“I should be ready to go when you are,” Xenia says.

“You’re getting faster at that,” Alexander notes as she makes her way over to join him by the door.

“I’m trying to make the best of my time,” she says. 

After all, her time with Alexander is limited. The Powers That Be will always demand more of him, and the Capital will always find a way to keep him busy. He can’t be the town’s guardian forever.

Xenia and Alexander have about a month left together. Twenty-seven days including today— Xenia has been keeping track. She has to make sure she savors every moment she has with him. 

Xenia has never had much experience with relationships. She’s not the best with people in general. She’s good at studying them— figuring out how they work from a distance. But when it comes to getting close to them, she’s always struggled. 

And yet she managed to grow close to Alexander over the course of these last few months. Closer than she has been with anyone, really. She’s dated people twice before, but it wasn’t like this. She’s never fallen this hard or fast before.  

Xenia hates that she finally found someone she could see herself spending the rest of her life with, and things between them could end so soon. Maybe they can try to make things work even while he’s away. She’s always been a problem solver first and foremost, and she’s come up with a couple of ideas for how they could keep their relationship alive while they’re apart. 

But she’ll make the time she has left with Alexander last. 

Xenia will miss getting to go on walks with him like this though. Usually they talk, but today they’re quiet. Still they match steps with each other, the cold winter air from the steppe making Xenia wish she still had a face mask on her. But without that to provide any warmth she inches closer to Alexander so their arms brush against each other. 

Neither of them usually like public displays of affection. It feels awkward to know people could see them being close like this. The town knowing that they’re in a relationship is different from being able to see it, so they try not to do any more than hold hands in public. 

But Alexander doesn’t shy away from Xenia now. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, keeping her close. It’s sweet, something that’s usually reserved for private moments between the two of them.

“You’re warm,” Xenia compliments.

“Thank you,” Alexander says.

They keep going in silence for a while. The streets of the town are confusing to most, but Xenia’s memorized the flow of them. They’re curving and uneven, cutting odd paths more like something you’d see in biology than city planning. But there’s something about them that helps Xenia to think.

Mainly she tends to think about the future. The things she thinks of now aren’t as bleak as they used to be. But she keeps having thoughts of Alexander being there with her— maybe one day moving in, staying with her and being there for her like no one has before. Through birthdays and holidays and all of the unpleasant things that inevitably come with the passage of time. 

Things won’t work out that well. They don’t usually for her. But Xenia can’t stop thinking about staying with Alexander, about him staying a part of her life for as long as possible.

They need to talk about things. Xenia hates doing that. But they need to.

“You leave at the end of the month,” Xenia says. It sounds too sudden, but it’s a good enough start to the conversation.

Alexander nods. “I do.”

“We should talk about that.” 

Xenia doesn’t like the thought of looking at Alexander right now, so she focuses on the streets ahead of her. They’re winding with uneven cobblestones, and along the path she sees some twyre growing, somehow persisting despite it being out of season.

“What do you want to do?” she asks.

“What I’d like would be to continue dating you. But the distance makes things complicated. I don’t want to subject you to that,” Alexander says. 

“Right.”

At least it’s nice to know that he wishes they could stay together too. It doesn’t stop the ache in Xenia’s chest at the thought that this conversation may lead to them breaking up. 

Maybe she should give up. But she’s never been good at doing that. She’s always been desperate to find a way to make things work with everything. 

“But maybe first we could see how things go while you’re away,” Xenia says, glancing towards Alexander out of the corner of her eyes. 

“As in?” he questions. 

“As in we don’t break things off and try to make things work from a long distance,” she says. 

Alexander frowns. It’s hard to tell if he thinks the idea is bad or if he’s worried that Xenia’s just saying that because it’s what he’d want to hear. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter. 

“Is this what you want?” Alexander asks after a moment. “I’ll be away for months.”

“I know.” 

And that’s a thought that Xenia hates. She wishes that she could keep him here with her. The town is safer than any battlefield would be, and she’d be able to see his pretty face everyday. 

Alexander has responsibilities. Xenia knows that. She can’t be selfish and demand he stay. But she wishes she didn’t have to lose him. Not when she’s finally found a relationship that she thinks could last. 

“But I still want to be with you,” Xenia says. “We can write letters until you’re able to visit on leave. If you want to come here anyway.”

“I would like that. Though I’m not sure that I’m as gifted as you are with letter writing,” Alexander says. 

“You can’t be that bad. And either way, I’ll like hearing from you.” 

And, most importantly, getting letters from him will reassure her that he’s safe and alive. 

“I’ll like hearing from you too,” Alexander says. “I like you a lot, angel.”

It takes Xenia a second to process that he said the last part in English. His words are a little awkward and stilted— he’s clearly still getting the hang of the language.

“You— that was English,” Xenia manages to force out when she remembers she should speak. 

“It needs some work,” Alexander admits. “But you’ve always spoken to me in my native tongue. I thought you’d appreciate it if someone learned yours.”

Xenia struggles to find her words more now than she did when she thought they were going to break up. This might be the kindest thing someone has ever done for her, and she doesn’t think that Alexander even realizes how important this is. They haven’t said I love you to each other yet, but this conveys the idea just with different words. It feels like a commitment, like he’s saying he’s here for the long haul. Like maybe the thoughts Xenia had of settling down together in the future might be possible. 

“Thank you,” Xenia says. “I— how much have you learned?”

“Not much. I’ve been practicing for a week. Mostly more, ah, romantic phrases. I hoped to surprise you,” Alexander says. 

Xenia rests her hand on his back. “It was a really good surprise. Would you understand me if I said, you’re the handsomest man I’ve ever met?”

“I… understood the end.”

Xenia supposes she should have guessed he was more focused on learning ways to compliment her than to respond to her own flirtations. 

“How about you’re very pretty?” she tries. 

Alexander’s cheeks redden and Xenia’s pretty sure it’s not just from the cold. “Thank you.”

“You have a cute accent,” Xenia says with a laugh, leaning closer into him. 

“Your accent speaking Russian is very cute,” he replies, quick as ever to try to turn the compliment back on to her. 

“Thank you. I could help teach you more English if you wanted. Maybe I can give you some lessons in our letters.”

“I would appreciate it,” Alexander says. He holds her even closer with his arm as they turn down a narrower street, like he's trying to keep her fused to his side. “I really do like you a lot.”

“I like you a lot too,” Xenia promises. It’s not quite an I love you, but it’s close enough. And for once it’s easy to think that she could stay like this, feeling happy and loved, forever.

[englishstrawbie]

Station 19 - 6x05

Damn it, they’re really killing me here. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. 😭

First scene, I love that they reconnected. It felt true to Carina that she would try to take them back to their first night together, it’s her way of saying to Maya: “hey look at what we were and look at what we created together and don’t you want that again?” - and of course Maya wants it too. We saw it at the end of last week’s episode and we saw it in this scene too.

“Our love story is beautiful and I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose us.”

Ugh, my heart. ❤️ These were beautiful words and no wonder Maya melted, because who wouldn’t? The whispered “I missed you” was lovely and Carina’s face when she heard those words was heartbreaking because she needed to hear them and needed to know that there’s a part of Maya still there, still holding on to her and their marriage and the family they’re trying to create. 

Second scene, oof. One step forwards and the immediately one step back. 

“It was almost really awful and really devastating, and then it wasn’t - kind of like us.”

It says so much about how Maya’s mind works. She knows how bad it’s been but one night of magic and, poof, they’re okay again. Things can be better at home, while she is running and exercising her pain away at work - like she can compartmentalise the two things. She still can’t see it, still isn’t willing to accept that this is bigger than her and that, this time, it’s not something that she can figure out on her own. 

Carina absolutely still needs Maya to get help, because she sees it and it’s not something that Carina can carry by herself - nor should she. Loving someone doesn’t mean that you’re their saviour. But in Maya’s eyes, asking for help makes her weak - and Maya Bishop isn’t weak.

Maya accusing Carina of having control issues is her claws coming out - gently, she’s not lashing out this time, but it’s cold and manipulative and ouch. Because Carina has been here before with her dad and now she’s stuck in the same kind of marriage her mom was stuck in. 💔 That’s got to hurt. 

So of course, third scene, the walls are up again. Maya is back on the treadmill and ignoring Carina’s calls. Of course it makes Carina angry. She has done everything she can and it’s not working - and when she thought she had finally got through to Maya, the walls come back up again merely 24 hours later and they’re not any further forward. 

Did she take the pregnancy test? Who knows - I wouldn’t blame her if she did. 🤷🏼‍♀️ This is something that she wants so much, and Maya knows that and she knows that Carina is waiting for her to be ready to take it. Carina can’t wait forever. 

Now excuse me while I listen to Coldplay’s The Scientist on repeat and cry into my peppermint tea. 😭

Oh, and next week? Theo has a bad feeling that something bad is going to happen under Beckett’s watch, Ross clearly knows that Beckett’s a liability from the look on her face after their conversation, ‘tragedy strikes one of our own’, and Jason hinted that Danielle is appearing in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy soon... 👀

[skylarmoon71]

Savitar (Flash) : Fanfiction - Chapter 1

There was a part of you that never thought such a thing would be possible. 

Barry Allen was not a villain. 

Far from it. 

He’d save so many people. So when this villain showed up, none of you thought this would be the result. The enemy you’d been facing for the last couple weeks was..

“Barry..”

His face was scarred, but it was him.

Your chest felt tight and the realization of what was to come hurt.

Savitar was going to kill Iris. Barry was going to lose the love of his life to a version of himself.

The tragedy of it all is that you weren’t like the rest of them. You weren’t a speedster. You weren’t any kind of meta for that fact.

The team was regrouping, because the day was here. The day Iris should have been destined to die.

You sat with her that evening as Barry and the others ran back and forth trying to figure out what to do.

“It’s a bit crazy isn’t it. I should be scared, terrified. But I’m more worried about Barry.” You smiled at the statement.

“Occupational hazard.” You joke.

Your knees were bouncing, and Iris could clearly see your unease.

“(Y/N), are you alright.”

You stopped the action, looking at her.

“I could be imagining things but you’ve been acting strange since we found out about Savitar. If there’s something you need to talk about you can tell me.”

Her words were good to hear, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say what you’ve been keeping to yourself since you became a member of Team Flash.

“I’m scared.” 

It wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie either.

“We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

That’s what she said.

For a moment you really did convince yourself that she was right. That magically everything would just work out. But faith was cruel. Because you all stood as Savitar held Iris in his hands, ready to strike.

His voice was like a tremor that just rocked your body with pain.

“You will feel the pain I endured losing my love, losing everything.”

Barry’s face held nothing but unfiltered despair, and you screamed out for Savitar to freeze, you were at the side, gun drawn. It seemed to egg him on.

“Do you think bullets will stop me?”

He sounds amused. Your hands were shaking, and Iris’s breath was unsteady.

“You say that we don’t understand how you felt. That it’s impossible for us to know what it’s like to feel so much for someone and never have them. But I do..I know..”

Savitar didn’t move, and you could see Joe on the roof, ready to fire if needed. No one was moving. Barry’s eyes moved to your form.

“I remember when we first met. I remember when I ran into you on that train and you spent the first five minutes apologizing. I barely heard a word because you were talking so fast. I should have been furious, you’d spilled my coffee all over the new suit I bought for an interview.”

The memory feels as though it’s clear as day.

“All I could do was smile at you and try to reassure you that it was okay. That everything was okay.”

Maybe he’s actually listening to the words you're saying, because his hand seems to lower.

“I know you’re a major nerd, and you would spend your afternoons watching every episode of Dr. Who if it were possible.” You move closer, lowering the gun in your hand.

“You once stayed up with me until two in the morning to help me study for my finals. Even though you were exhausted from taking tests all afternoon to pass your own exams. You sacrificed your sleep to help me."

The gun drops from your hand, and when you’re right next to Iris, you hesitantly reach for his hand. Iris moves to the side when you take his hand, and Barry is at her side in an instant, standing in front of her protectively. She dives into his arms, and when you know she’s safe, you turn back to Savitar. His suit is still glowing that dangerous blue. You should be petrified, but you haven’t released your hold on his hand.

“You would never hurt the people you care about, no matter how much you endured. I know you suffered a lot, but you need to realize that there is someone who still cares. Because regardless of what you’ve done. You’re still the nerdy guy I know. The guy that I..that I’ve always been in love with.” You confess.

The statement catches everyone off guard.

You’re shocked when Savitar takes a step back. Instinctively, you try to reach out for his hand, a desperate attempt to hold him.

Save him.

But he’s gone in the blink of an eye. 

All you feel is that pain that appeared when he first showed up.

[pridepages]

Role of Attraction: The Atlas Six

I finished The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Olivie Blake’s series opener The Atlas Six is an amalgam of several different adventure stories that all broadly fall under the label “dark academia.” On the one hand, we have a motley crew of six unlikely heroes--Libby Rhodes, Nico de Varona, Reina Mori, Callum Nova, Tristan Caine, and Parisa Kamali--all tapped to join a secret society based around the historical tragedy of the lost Library of Alexandria. On the other hand, all of these characters are also supposed to be the most talented magicians, “medeians,” in their world and are, I guess, meant to be developing those powers? The purpose behind protecting the library is rather vague beyond “we’re super special and get to know things others don’t.” The need for such protectors being magical is less clear beyond “it’s cool.” The mission is literally for all of them to...spend two years of research fellows before they can leave and do whatever they want? Oh, except for one unlucky initiate. The chosen one has to die by some kind of ritual sacrifice at the hands of the others.

Then, at the eleventh hour, it gets more complicated. It turns out the leader of the Alexandrian Society, Atlas Blakely, may in fact be a shady character who has recruited this “class” of initiates for his own nefarious purposes. And the people who oppose him have decided to throw a spanner in the works by kidnapping Libby Rhodes in order to prevent a terrible future from unfolding at the hands of Atlas’s chosen six.

Convoluted as hell, right? I may sound super down on it, but I want to clarify: the book is a really enjoyable read. But it’s not about the world-building or the plot. The magic here is the characters.

The story is told through alternating chapters that take us into the point of view of each of the six. We see how they feel about themselves, and we see how they feel about each other. These relationship dynamics are the power source of the novel, and they become a real case study into why people are the way they are. There are many aspects of human nature that are explored in Blake’s novel, but one that I’m still trying to make sense of is what role attraction is meant to play.

On the one hand, we as readers are set up with an easy premise: Libby Rhodes and Nico de Varona are introduced as rivals with high-octane chemistry and a tendency to bend the laws of nature when they rile each other up. It almost screams sexual tension...but it isn’t. Nico came to the Society a little to annoy Rhodes, but mostly to help someone else: his...roommate, Gideon Drake. In Nico’s most intense moment of vulnerability, he shouts “Haven’t you figured out by now that I want your problems? Your pain is my problem, you idiot prince.” It’s a nickname that we later learn that Libby taught Nico, and Nico uses it to express his frustration with Gideon. But that frustration could not be more clearly coded as at the very least a crush and, whether he’s ready to see it, probably romantic love.

Then we have Parisa Kamali. Parisa is a telepath who can see what the world thinks of her--and it likes what it sees. She’s gorgeous. And she’s unapologetic about using both her mind and her body to get what she wants. She’s also the most explicitly queer, admitting to Libby and Tristan that she’s had affairs with other women. When asked why, Parisa says “Men in particular are draining, they bleed us dry. They demand we carry their burdens, fix their ills. A man is constantly in search of a good woman, but what do they offer us in return?” Having an affair with a woman then becomes a chance to “experience rapture without being someone's other half, and therefore beholden to their weaknesses, to their faults and failures and their many insufferable fractures--then we're free, aren't we?” What’s notable here is that Parisa paints love between women as a rejection of the experience of loving men. Which, it inescapably is. But that isn’t all women can be to each other. There’s also the experience of positive attraction to each other, of sensing that  “You are someone worth knowing well, and fully, and perhaps deeply.”

The need to see and be seen by someone else plays out even more clearly in the will-they-won’t-they of Callum Nova and Tristan Caine. Callum is an empath, able to see and manipulate the emotions of others. And that absolutely has an impact on how he experiences attraction:

“Being desired was Callum's favorite. That was smoky...but more sultry, cloaked and perfumed in precisely what it was. It smelled like tangled bedsheets. It tasted like the flicker of a candle flame. It felt like a sigh, a quiet one; concessionary and pleading. He could always feel it on his skin, sharp as a blade. Piercing, like the groan of a lover in his ear.” 

Callum clearly wants to experience attraction, but because he can feel what others do, for him it’s always going to have a mirror effect: he wants to BE desired more than he cares about desiring the other person.

Tristan, by contrast, is a kind of anti-illusionist. He can see through magic--and even reality--to the absolute essence of nature. Tristan cannot escape the hard truths...including a sense of his own flaws. Caught between what appears to be the cat-and-mouse flirting styles of both Parisa and Callum that are being used on him, Trisan feels drawn to both and resents it: “It was one thing to be understood by someone else, to be exposed by them, and another (however inevitable it was) to be misused by them.” But the person his ability causes him to be hardest on is unquestionably himself. Callum observes: “You are not accustomed to being desired, are you? As a friend...as a person. As anything.” Tristan is used to desiring, but because he’s always waiting on some level for the other shoe to drop he cannot just let himself have someone else entirely, let alone allow himself to want that in peace.

All that said...what is The Atlas Six trying to tell us about the role attraction plays in the human experience? I think the point is that the answer changes depending on who WE are.

For the Nicos who are highly chemical, volatile, physical, attraction is a force--or an uncontrollable passion that drives.

For the Parisas, attraction is a means to an end. They want someone--or someone wants them--and whatever the reason is, they can choose whether or not to act on it as best suits their goals.

For Callums, attraction is both window and mirror on the self. Through inspiring and seeing attraction, they get a clearer picture of who they are...at least in the eyes of the world.

For Tristans, attraction is a weakness. By experiencing something that creates vulnerability, all the other soft and ugly parts of the self come into play and create discomfort.

For Reinas...well, I don’t want to be reductive but Reina is able to identify attraction experienced by or between other people without being moved in any way by it herself. She seems to acknowledge it as a thing that exists and moves on. If Reina comes out as asexual in the next book, I won’t be shocked.

For Libbys...here is an uncertain question. Libby is so caught in her own anxieties and inferiorities that there’s really very little room for real attraction in her mind. Maybe that’s the point: sometimes the noise in people’s heads is so loud that there isn’t room for other people, which attraction requires. I know that’s what I went through, and part of why I was such a late bloomer.

In the end, the most important takeaway is probably this: the world constantly tries to tell us what role attraction should play in our lives. People state definitively what attraction feels like, what it is. But the truth is simply this: there are as many ways to experience desire as there are people to feel it.

[unabashedrebel]

Dragonflight plans?

Oddly enough I was thinking about this last night as I was trying to fall asleep. Basically my main characters are going to follow the tragic-tory they started on years ago. Anyways here’s my scribbled notes for 5 years later.

Kirollis: He’s finally going to therapy. Holy shit it’s actually working. Why did he avoid this for so long? Was this the unhealthy coping they all meant? My boy finally getting the help he needs from someone other then a relative? Who knew all the healthy decisions played out off screen.

Now reinstated into the military he’s enjoying a pseudo retirement. He continues to train spies for the Thalassian government and still retains his active duty rank. Basically he’s in the mentor stage of his journey, he’s content to stop playing the hero and let the younger folks do it, his role is now just to crack jokes and give unsolicited advice. He may have also taken a shine to a protege that is surprisingly not his daughter.

The Alfred to Soriyas Batman, see more on that below.

Korrinth: She’s chilled out a ton, which was sort of happening already. I guess not having a purpose for like 7 years with no real direction just wallowing in self pity. Don’t get it twisted; the self pity is certainly still there, she’s just less vocal and less prickly about it. Also, don’t get that twisted, she will still bitch out people who get on her nerves. But all and all? Generally more stable and ready to find where she fits into a world with debatably less demonic activity.

Not to say she isn’t still slaying spoopy stuff, just you know, maybe doesn’t turn her nose up to jobs outside of that. Ready to embrace all the facets that make her wonderful self, not just the ones tied to tragedy.

To be fair to her she had been making plenty of progress on this front organically. 5 years is just going to speed things up.

Soriya: Maybe a vigilante I don’t know. Nobody knows.

Nah, but she’s more prepared to put herself in harms way for the good of… well you know greater good. She had a lot of time to reflect on what happened in the Vale a few years back and that’s only strengthened her resolve to follow her fathers footsteps a little more closely. Still the goofy surfer chick, but maybe there’s a bit of a budding hero in her.

After all she finally convinced Kirollis to give her some of that good ol’ Duskhaven training. It took a lot of convincing; to expand on the family dynamic Kirollis was content to let their line die out. Soriya pitched that now he’s the head of house, and she’s technically his successor, they could use that for something better then what it was intended for. He reluctantly agreed and here we are 5 years into that. Kunai anyone? (I really like the idea that they spent 5 years training and she just learned how to throw knives. That seems on brand).

Thanks @newsnerd-ooc I know you asked for dragon flight plans but I know nothing about this expansion but Dracarys and time jump.

[ly0nstea]

"I mean, imagine if there were people still fighting for the cause of WW2 in 1947 people would just tell them to fuck off and cop on, like, people are going to just stop caring. Even people on Azula’s sides are going to realise they lost and then what? Azula’s gonna topple the entire world governments alone? Because everyone else is just moving on with their lives. That isn’t a compelling villain, it’s barely a tragedy, it’s just sad…"

But in WW2, the allies where willing to engage in mass bombing campaigns that targeted civilians and dropped two nukes until the Axis powers where too weak to avoid being invaded or keep on fighting. But in ATLA, the only reason why the war ended was because the Gaang essentially pulled a coup on the Fire Nation with the help of Prince Iroh and Prince Zuko before having newly crowned Fire Lord Zuko declare peace even though the Fire Nation had already won the war. Moreover, the main reason why people fear Aang is not because he is wiling to stack bodies but because he is willing to de-bend people, a process that leaves Aang vulnerable not only due to the time it requires, or the fact he is defenseless when de-bending someone, but also because it puts his soul at risk every time he performs the technique.

So imo, I think the War is liable to become a lost cause in which people in the Fire Nation try to re-litigate it through legal and extra-legal was because they weren't defeated like the Germans and Japanese were in WW2. Especially since the only real thing protecting the post-war order, Aang, is very killable as evidenced by the fact that Azula did kill him and the Fire Warriors did manage to knock him down for a good bit.

And speaking of Azula, it would be trivial for her gather people who have a bone to pick with Aaang and/or Zuko considering she managed to form a powerful terrorist cell out of people abused in asylums.

Not to mention, there are a lot of ways Azula could topple the world governments. Ways like relying on subterfuge like she did when she conquered Ba Sing Se with just Mai, Ty Lee, and Zuko's help. Or engaging in guerrilla terrorist tactics like she did in Smoke and Shadow.

Or even increasing her power to the point that she could take on Team Avatar as long as Aang does enter the Avatar State ready to strike her down. Because Azula is already the GOAT firebender as a teenager and so she is not done growing. Especially when you take into account the fact that she is the "successful byproduct" of Azulon's immoral eugenics experiment.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that it is possible to keep Azula a compelling villain post-war.

Though to be fair, that would require making the Gaang look bad since not only did Aang not take her bending, it is only due to Zuko's selfishness as well as the Gaang's incompetence that Azula was able to escape Zuko's custody and continue to avoid, free to harm people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Litigation wise azula has no power, she cannot get back into the court, and anyone she tries to threaten or persuade or bribe can gain infintely more in a reward for turning her in than helping her become firelord and just hoping that she pays them back.

The wider variety of people azula recruits the more people she has to appease, and the more conditions of appeasements she has to fulfill. Getting primarily people who are pissed at Aang or Zuko (like mental patients who Zuko oversaw the locking up of) is an easy way because their goals align. If Azula were to go in league with someone that wanted say, to rule BSS, that isn't a goal that Azula's primary goal can necessarily satiate, and makes betrayal more likely. The people from the asylum share a goal with azula, or atleast a desire, to see the person ultimately responsible for their confinement, Zuko, brought down. If azula started recruiting farmers with promises of seeds and cows, she'll run into a problem when that goal is seconded to hers and they don't like that. The goals of your allies should always be atleast tangential to your own goals in a voltile, betrayal prone relationship like any azula will have when she's a criminal.

Azula doesn't have the resources for subterfuge anymore. Azula doesn't have anything, Azula got incredibly lucky with her Kyoshi warrior disguise that no one really talks about. Had Sokka waited 5 minutes to say hi to Suki let alone had he not left at all, Azula's whole plan likely would have fallen through and she would need a plan C.

Azula might be the best firebender in the world in the comics, but you forget that toph, katara, and aang are all the best benders in their own elements and Azula could not take them on without an elite group of soldiers on a similar level to her that would be a massive time investment to train.

[sanctissimx]

♛ hi :) @feiyuie​

[ ♛ ] send me a url and i'll tell you the following;

my opinion on;

character in general: 

He Xuan. I love that miserable sack of shit.  Xie Lian. I love that brilliant sack of shit. Yushi Huang. She is the love of my life and I would pay someone real American dollars to be able to read an entire three part epic novel about her

how they play them:

He Xuan. I don’t think I possess the overwhelming necessity of exultant words to how much I fucking love your He Xuan and how you write them. We started writing when you’d had a pretty brilliant grip on your portrayal, but I have to say that you definitely helped me craft mine. There are so many aspects and the significances of their history that you incorporate beautifully into your interpretation. I know they’re a muse that’s hard to open up to anyone, but the way you’ve shown how they’re able to just really hurts my feelings  Xie Lian. We haven’t written or plotted as extensively with your XL but I can’t even express how much I adore him. You bring a really lovely balance of bringing a nuance of jejune hopefulness that isn’t innocent or feckless, and I’m insane about it. He’s kind because he chooses to be, even in the face of his own tragedies and I adore the way you’re able to bring that through. Yushi Huang: I can’t tell you how much I LOVE how much strength and courage you bring to her, the perfect foil to Xuan Ji’s shit ass Weltanschauung. I really tried not to impose the sort of dynamic i wanted for them, but our girls just  naturally fell into this kind of rhythm that ruins my whole ass world

the mun:  KEY I COULDN’T ADORE YOU MORE IF I TRIED?! I met you at a time when I was ready to give up on this fandom, and maybe rp all together. I’d just gotten off of a pretty sad breakup with my main partner of a year who was also a very close friend, and it was around that time that we started writing in earnest and HOLY SHIT? I’d pretty much given up on being able to write anything of substance, of being able to plot anything significant, and here you come with your irascible muse and destroy all of my hesitations and doubts. You inspired the shit out of me, and you still do, a year and a half later.  More than that, you’re literally such an incredible friend, and someone who I admire so much for your brilliance and resiliency. You’re so kind and compassionate, level-headed and logical, and I just vibe with everything you are. You’ve also literally said some of the nicest things about my writing that I think anyone ever has, and that level of kindness is not something I can ever forget. 

do i;

follow them. Fucking try to stop me from following key everywhere rp with them. YES want to rp with them.  LITERALLY FOREVER, AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO RP WITH ME ship their character with mine. Cries

what is my;

overall opinion. whatever i love key go suck an egg about it

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty.

[teenageread]

Review: A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder

Synopsis:

The case is closed. Five years ago, schoolgirl Andie Bell was murdered by Sal Singh. The police know he did it. Everyone in town knows he did it.

But having grown up in the same small town that was consumed by the murder, Pippa Fitz-Amobi isn't so sure. When she chooses the case as the topic for her final year project, she starts to uncover secrets that someone in town desperately wants to stay hidden. And if the real killer is still out there, how far will they go to keep Pip from the truth?

Plot:

For her senior capstone project, Pip wanted to help further her career in investigating journalism but looking at how the media plays a key role in the police investigation, with a case study on the 2014 missing person report of Andie Bell. Sounding like a typical high school project, Pip adds the twist that Andie Bell lived in her town and was their most recent tragedy, one Pip has connections to. Sweet, popular, beautiful, Andie Bell’s body was never discovered, only that of her boyfriend, Sal Singh, who then killed himself due to his grief. Five years later, Pip starts her capstone project because she does not believe Sal killed Andie, and she was going to prove it. Going to the Singh’s house, Pip meets Ravi, Sal’s younger brother, who also tried to clear his brother’s name, and has agreed to help Pip with her investigation. With Pip’s best friend's older sister being friends with Sal, Pip remembers him being a nice guy, even helping her out once or twice. With Ravi telling countless stories of how amazing Sal was, it was hard to believe that he would cold blood murder his girlfriend. And if Sal was not the murderer, why would he kill himself? Or is there a killer in Fairview, hoping to get away with it? With questions in hand, Pip sets off on an infestation that leads her into the dark depths of her hometown. With letters showing up, telling her to go away, Pip knows she is close to the truth. WIth each capstone growing longer and longer, the suspect list also growing longer, Pip and Ravi must work together to catch a killer, before anyone else they care about gets hurt.

Thoughts:

Holly Jackson wrote a murder mystery thriller novel that is to die for. Taking from the point of view of senior Pip, she is what is classified as a good girl. Does her homework, walks the dog, spends time with her baby brother, she is the perfect friend, and is ready to be the perfect student to whatever Ivy League school accepts her. So when Jackson writes that Pip is going to do an “above and beyond” capstone project, it makes sense for her character. It also makes sense that Pip would become obsessive about the case, and try to solve it. Like classic who-done-it the killer is always there within the novel, letting the story be a fun guessing game, as you move along with Pip through her investigating, adding your own names to the suspect list. Pip is a fun character to read the story from! With her persistence to find out the truth, Pip gets herself into some fun situations and makes some daring escapes. Ravi is a great sidekick, with his witty remarks, he is a benefit to Pip throughout her investigation, and I loved how Jackson sprinkled in some chemistry-like moments between these two. After all, nothing gets teenage romance going like looking for dead bodies in the woods. The mystery itself was interesting, and often took turns and directions that I didn't see coming. The ending that Jackson gave us did leave some loose ends, and some suspects still left on the list. I was not totally satisfied with who the killer was, but I enjoyed Jackson’s explanation, and applaud them for keeping us waiting until the very end. With a nice conclusion leaving you satisfied with the novel, it is worth the read if you want a good story about a murdered teenage girl, a teenage crime-solving duo, and a lot of suspense sprinkled in.  

Read more reviews: Goodreads

Buy the book: Amazon

[ser-rctslcyer]

My OCs

Since I cannot contain this anymore-- here's me rambling about my ocs. I’ve been working on my original story called Kyhzeirt (kai•zert), which brief summary:

Cristofré (kris•off•fray), the son of a deceased war hero has lived 20 years only knowing the small island he was born on.  His first venture into the mainland leads to a shocking discovery and tragedy. With no choice to return home, he must set out to bring proof that all life is in danger; that the evil his father had defeated has returned. Accompanied by the reluctant help of a bounty hunter, the two set off to warn the nation into action. 

I randomly started this idea back in 2018, and have been on and off growing it, but this year I want to put a lot more effort into it. And so here are my dual protagonists!

(Cristofré on the left and Her on the right (and yes their name is Her))

Cristofré • 20 • 5’8 (172cm) • Human • He/Him

These two are always on my mind for how vastly different they are from each other. Cristofré is this ball of sunshine, yet with strong beliefs, he isn’t afraid to stand by. He can be a bit of a little shit because of it. Living the first 20 years of his life on an island, he’s ready to go out there and explore (within reason he promises his mother). He isn’t so naive to the world to know that someone people will try to trick him, wrong him or try to hurt him in so way– he knows there are bad people in this world. Though his value of life sometimes clouds his decisions and it’s tough for him to make the best call.

He’s such a sweet human being– it’s like, why wouldn’t I want to be friends with him? He adores animals of all kinds, even the bigger creatures in this world that could rip him to shreds. Even though he’s trying to stay alive, he can’t help but admire everything he sees around him and take it all in (without getting on Her’s nerves). He’s a part of a small population of humans capable of some magik; a healer because of his mother but also invests time in learning wind magik. His fighting needs a lot more work, especially with how much he will fling himself into danger to go save others. 

Her • 30 • 7’1 (215cm) • Hybrid(?) • Any Pronouns

And then there’s Her, who’s so cold towards (almost) everything because they have to be. They don’t freely express how they feel about things, besides mostly annoyance and disgust. No friends or guild or community they’ve tied themselves to– they’re just a lonely bounty hunter. They aren’t someone who trusts easily and preferably don’t like to stay anywhere long enough to be recognized. They’ve been all over enough to know how most will act and tend to just keep their head down to not cause any unnecessary trouble. 

As rough around the edges as they can be, they won’t let you die– unless of course, you’re a bad person. They will protect and defend, but also they’re very prone to keep to themselves. While they may not show it, they do take pleasure in the small things they do enjoy. They may not be the most talkative or engaging but they can and do listen. They may not look like the type but they enjoy learning new things. They’re a great fighter and also have magik which makes people believe they’re some sort of hybrid.

And together these two dorks have to save the world. 

[dollycas]

#FlashbackFriday - Murder at Wedgefield Manor (A Jane Wunderly Mystery) by Erica Ruth Neubauer #Review / #Giveaway @KensingtonBooks

On Flashback Fridays I will share with you the books I was not able to review when they were first released that have been screaming at me from my To-Be-Read bookshelf.

Murder at Wedgefield Manor (A Jane Wunderly Mystery) Historical Cozy Mystery 2nd in Series Setting - England Kensington (March 30, 2021) Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1496725883 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1496725882 Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1496725891 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1496725899 Kindle ASIN ‏ : ‎ B08CBP6QW3

England, 1926: Wedgefield Manor, deep in the tranquil Essex countryside, provides a welcome rest stop for Jane and her matchmaking Aunt Millie before their return to America. While Millie spends time with her long-lost daughter, Lillian, and their host, Lord Hughes, Jane fills the hours devouring mystery novels and taking flying lessons—much to Millie’s disapproval. But any danger in the air is eclipsed by tragedy on the ground when one of the estate’s mechanics, Air Force veteran Simon Marshall, is killed in a motorcar collision. The sliced brake cables prove this was no accident, yet was the intended victim someone other than Simon? The house is full of suspects—visiting relations, secretive servants, strangers prowling the grounds at night—and also full of targets. The enigmatic Mr. Redvers, who helped Jane solve a murder in Egypt, arrives on the scene to once more offer his assistance. It seems that everyone at Wedgefield wants Jane to help protect the Hughes family. But while she searches for answers, is she overlooking a killer hiding in plain sight? Dollycas's Thoughts Moving on from Egypt Jane and her Aunt Millie make a stop at Wedgefield Manor in the countryside of Essex, England so that Millie can have some quality time with her long-lost daughter, Lillian. Millie is also enjoying time with their host Lord Hughes. Meanwhile, Jane spends her time reading mystery novels and taking flying lessons. Millie would rather have her using her feminine wiles to land a man. Not long after their arrival one of the estate's mechanics, Air Force veteran Simon Marshall, is killed when the car he is driving crashes into a tree. Mr. Redvers arrives to inform everyone of the man's death and reveals it was not an accident. Someone had cut the brake lines. Redvers offers to stay and assist in catching the murderer. Jane is happy about that and looks forward to working with him again. But their investigation isn't going to be easy. The manor is full of visitors and servants and even mysterious strangers and they are all suspects. Plus they are not even sure Simon was the intended victim. She and Redvers will have to work through all the secrets and clues to uncover the killer. While at it, maybe she can uncover what her true feelings are for Mr. Redvers as well. ______ Again Ms. Neubauer takes us back in time, to England in 1926 and the country estate of Lord Hughes, a very complicated man with more than a few secrets. Several characters including Lord Hughes from Murder at the Mena House return in Murder at Wedgefield Manor so we get to know them better and in different ways. Jane Wunderly is a great protagonist. She is strong-willed, smart, independent and ready for almost anything. She has grown quite a bit since the first book in this series. Jane and Mr. Redvers make a very good team and I enjoyed the way their feelings for each other played a major part in this story. I like a little romance with my mystery and this one continued to develop over the course of this story in a very natural way, especially for a woman who has sworn off every getting married again. Millie is still trying to play matchmaker for Jane so she is thrilled when Mr. Redvers arrives on the scene. Her daughter Lillian has devoted herself to bettering her golf game in hopes of playing in tournaments. Like Jane, all these characters are well-developed and their growth continued throughout the story. There are a lot of new characters introduced too. They are all unique and I never felt overwhelmed getting to know them and how they fit into the realm of things at the manor. It was interesting and I was pleased to see that Lord Hughes hired so many veterans from the war. They were all dealing with emotional or physical disabilities, sometimes both. They were realistically portrayed but there is more than just the Lord's generous nature behind these hirings. The murder mystery was very well-plotted and written. The police, Redvers, and Jane all were active in the investigation and I like the way they worked together. Clues were sorted through, secrets were revealed and some good honest legwork came together leading up to an exciting chase to catch the killer. I thoroughly enjoyed every part of solving this mystery. I must also say the setting of Lord Hughes's estate was wonderfully described. From the manor house itself to the outbuildings and the countryside, the author took this reader on a wonderful virtual trip to a beautiful place at a fascinating time. Murder at Wedgefield Manor was a stirring story filled with an entertaining cast of characters. The mystery was compelling and the setting ideal. I can't wait to see what is next for Jane as her journey continues.

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About Erica Ruth Neubauer Erica Ruth Neubauer spent eleven years in the military, nearly two as a Maryland police officer and one as a high school English teacher before finding her way as a writer. She has been a reviewer of mysteries and crime fiction for Publishers Weekly and Mystery Scene Magazine for several years and is a member of Mystery Writers of America and Sisters in Crime. When she’s not writing, Erica Ruth enjoys traveling, yoga, and craft beer. She lives in Milwaukee, WI. Website - Twitter - Instagram - Newsletter 

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