#so as you probably know I was incredibly anxious about turning 30 this year

[culmaer]

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[drdemonprince]

Probably a trivial question during a shitty time globally, but I'm going a bit crazy trying to figure this out and need help.

For some reason, people cancel last-minute alarmingly frequently when I host gatherings on days that are extremely important to me. I am talking mainly about my birthday and that of my partner but also a huge milestone graduation do last year was a nightmare as well. Neither I nor my partner have any meaningful relationships with our families anymore due to political differences and rely on our friends for the sense of home and belonging most people get from families.

Except this is a bit of a wasteland, as I struggle to form and maintain close friendships because of how unreliable and disappointing people have been for a while. This is not an individual (although there are a couple of people who I know will cancel every time) but a pattern. Someone will forget to book the right train ticket, another will only lurk on the event group chat and then comment for the first time before the event to say no. One person memorably just said they wanted to keep the option of a weekend gateway open so they could only come to my graduation party if they decided not to do that. Am I missing something here? Is this normal? I need consistency and dependability to feel safe and I feel like people I'd normally choose as friends (witty, nerdy interests, progressive) turn out to be incredibly bad at showing up for me when I need them. A friend I thought was close went completely mum after I graduated and didn't congratulate me at all - after having discussed the degree and its struggles with me for 2 years. Part of me feels like I need to rebuild my circle from scratch and maybe find people I can talk to honestly about my needs from the beginning of the friendship. But it feels so late and desolate to start this process in my mid-thirties. Everyone else has friends they grew up with and who know everything about their lives. Meanwhile, I am at the stage where I have no close friends at all anymore because my needs seem too absurd to even discuss with anyone except my partner, and if I do, I just lose friendships. I remember reading your piece on how to do social things as an autistic person last year and feeling very inspired so I thought I'd reach out to you.

This is all exceedingly, exceedingly normal, especially in the days post COVID for a variety of reasons. When I make plans with people, I assume that roughly 30-75% of the people invited are not going to show up, and I've completely made my peace with that. A friend of mine hosted a movie night a few weeks back, invited I believe around 15 people, and ultimately four showed up, many people being last-minute cancellations or total no shows.

This happens for a variety of reasons. Many people are very socially anxious and decide at the last minute they don't have it in them to show up because they're freaking out. Other people say yes when the event is days or weeks down the line, wanting in the abstract to be there, but then on the actual day of the event, practical daily life constraints are far more visible than they were when the event was just an idea, and so then they have to bail. Other people feel really bad saying no, and so they wait for the last minute to share that they can't make it. And lots of people are so bombarded with notifications on a variety of social media sites and chatting platforms that they just forget all that they've committed to. And then you add into that random illness, flat tires, crying kids, and the like, and you have a lot of reasons why people don't show up to things.

Personally, I have come to accept this. If I go into event planning assuming most people can't make it, my feelings aren't hurt. Every person who does show up is a gift. My invites are an opportunity, a true invitation, not an obligation or an expectation. I don't hurt my feelings in advance by telling myself that I need a high turnout for my birthday or that because I've worked hard making a certain dish for a party (I never actually do that admittedly lol) that a lot of people need to come and eat it.

And I invite people that I like and want to see, over and over again, because I care about them, and I want to show them that I care about them and that I understand they have other things going on and I am not offended that life got in the way for them. I want them to feel loved and included, even if they can't make it. Even the gesture of inviting a person to an event and them showing some interest is a meaningful act of maintaining social connections, for me. And so if they can't make it on the day of, that's fine by me.

I'm 35. My friends are anywhere from 21 to 60-something. People cancel events because of sick kids, broken down cars, long work weeks, depression, double-bookings, writing deadlines, social anxiety, busted ankles, not wanting to see one person they're currently having a difficult situation with, and any number of other factors. If you love people long enough, they get really complicated and their lives get really hard. I find that the most beautiful and friendship-sustaining thing one can do is to not take it personally, because you're going to need that same grace yourself plenty of times. People will drop of the map for months or years sometimes because they're going through hell, and you dont to deprive yourself of being open to reconnection when they're available again.

There's really no need to read anything into the randomness of life. This stuff will happen, so it's rational to expect it, and loving to not mind it too much.

Do you need to make some new friends? Maybe so! I have multiple different friend groups and I think that's healthy. You may find the no-shows less painful if you have more people to lean on. It's always good to form new connections, learn new things about yourself, expand your skills and understanding of the world through new information and experiences. But should you start over, and ditch your friends who are flakey? I don't think so. To be loved is to be sometimes flaked upon (and to flake). In this capitalistic, individualistic hellscape it's vitally important that we extend one another grace.

[hxseok-honee]

atlas heart || part 37

a/n : uhm,,, so this was 20 pages long,,,, whoops -- hope you enjoy the pain!

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“Jimin… psst-- Jimin, wake up--”

“Wake up, motherfucker!” Jimin’s eyes fly open right before he’s shutting them again, unable to cover his face in time to block the throw pillow that’s being launched at him. It falls to his lap when he sits up, and Jungkook chuckles in the doorway.

“Y/n’s been in here for fifteen minutes, trying to be nice and soft about waking you up, but you sleep like the dead. We’re gonna miss our ride at this rate.” Jimin blinks the sleep from his eyes as he focuses in on the girl that’s kneeling next to him on the bed. She’s nodding along as Jungkook speaks, and even in his half-awake state, Jimin finds her insufferably cute. He also notices that she’s fully dressed and seemingly ready to leave, her backpack by the door.

“What time is it?” His voice is groggy, but the yell he lets out when Hoseok appears suddenly at the door, disheveled and angry, is crystal clear. It looks like the Slytherin’s also just woken up, which is bad news for someone who’s yet to see Hoseok’s infamous ‘morning temper’.

“It’s almost 4:30 in the fucking morning, that’s what time it is. Our ride gets here at 5 -- I’m leaving whether you’re ready or not.” He disappears then, dragging a fearful Jungkook with him back to their room to pack their bags. Y/n turns from the doorway, settling back on her heels as she chuckles awkwardly.

“He’s just really excited to see Yoongi…”

--

When a minivan fit for a soccer mom with 4 kids screeches to a halt in front of the house, Jimin has to rub at his eyes to make sure he’s seeing things correctly. At the wheel sits Jin, an alarming amount of excitement in his eyes as he chugs coffee from what’s less of a cup and more of a vase with a lid. In the passenger’s seat is Namjoon, clinging to his seatbelt for dear life, and behind him are Taehyung and Yoongi, the Slytherin scooting into the middle so Jungkook can pull the end seat down and squeeze into the back row.

He waves Y/n in, and she pulls a stunned Jimin into the back with them. When the end seat locks back into place, Hoseok is throwing himself into it, wrapping himself around Yoongi once the door is closed. His boyfriend smiles with contentment, and even half-asleep, Jimin can appreciate the quiet happiness they share.

Jin slams his concerningly large coffee cup, now empty, down into the middle console and lets out a roar of energy.

“Next stop, Quidditch World Cup!” Pressing down on the gas hard enough that Y/n actually feels the tires squeal against the pavement before starting to turn, Jin takes off, rounding the rest of the massive courtyard before flying back down the winding driveway. Her hand reaches for Jimin’s on instinct, and if she wasn’t squeezing so hard, he might have blushed.

“What’re the chances of us dying before we even get there?” Jimin chuckles at her question, cutting himself short when the car slides into traffic much too recklessly, so he just hums.

“Probably much higher than you want me to admit--”

“Hey, who has my road snacks? I’ve got such a hankering for one of those cinnamon roll thingies--” Jin reaches blindly back into the middle row, searching for the bag of food on Taehyung’s lap.

“Both hands on the wheel!” It seems the entire car’s in agreement, because Jin just returns to his previous position, a small whine leaving him.

“Alright, alright, you big babies. Namjoon -- feed me, buddy.” The Ravenclaw groans loudly, and for a moment Jimin can’t believe he’d missed all these idiots while he was away.

--

When Jin pulls into the campground for the World Cup, they’re all gasping as they take in the scene around them. The arena’s unbelievably massive, towering over them in the distance. The sea of people is endless, crowded beyond belief with spectators and traveling merchants preparing for tomorrow’s match. Following Yoongi’s directions until they manage to find the plot of land his parents had reserved for them, Jin pulls off into the treeline and puts the car in park.

The group stumbles from the vehicle, groaning and stretching, shaking off the anxiety of entrusting Jin with their lives for hours. It’s a little past 11am, enough time for them to set up before lunch. Y/n follows Jimin into the spacious area, admiring the excited chaos of the enormous campground around them. She can hear Jin mumbling a spell under his breath to shrink the car and put it in his pocket, followed almost immediately by Jungkook excitedly asking if he can 'do that with a house -- or Hogwarts!'

Jimin takes her hand, and for a second, she thinks that maybe he’s making a move on her, something that leaves her embarrassingly hopeful. But all he does is pull her close to him, pointing at Yoongi with his other hand. The Slytherin is pulling a tiny tent out of his own pocket and setting it on the ground in the middle of their plot of land. Y/n doesn’t even see Yoongi utter a spell before the tent is growing to full size, and she can only imagine that the inside has been bewitched to fit all 8 of them -- something else that Yoongi’s done without speaking.

“Nonverbal magic?” It slips out without her thinking, and Yoongi hears it, glancing at her and becoming visibly shy under her curious gaze. He nods, pointing back at Hoseok, whose attention is caught trying to convince Jungkook not to try shrinking himself with Jin’s spell.

“We both know it -- most Slytherins do, actually… should I call it a defense mechanism? We don’t like to let people know what we’re thinking.”

“It’s pretty fascinating, if you think about it.” It comes from Namjoon, where he and Tae are unpacking not too far away. “Even in class, Yoongi would always practice nonverbally -- he’d get in trouble for it, too.” The Slytherin shrugs as if performing nonverbal magic isn’t difficult for most people unless the caster is under incredible distress.

“What can I say? A habit’s a habit. I haven’t used verbal magic in years -- it’s just more comfortable this way.” He ducks into the tent then, poking his head out and waving them in once he’s checked the quality of his adjustments to their living space for the next couple days.

They all head inside, Y/n looking around in awe when she sees just how big it is. There’s a section of bunk beds on the far side of the room, and the rest is filled with endlessly cozy spaces -- couches and cushions, corners piled high with blankets and pillows. There’s a small kitchenette in the corner, which Jin makes a beeline for in order to 'preserve his perishables'. Jimin shakes his head at the scene, always amused by the depth of the Hufflepuff’s stomach.

Jungkook pulls Y/n to one of the couches, where they collapse on it in a sibling pile that Jimin’s gotten used to seeing over the last 24 hours. It doesn’t stop the rest of the group (sans Hoseok, of course) from gawking at the pair, everyone unused to seeing the dynamic that’s been essentially nonexistent at Hogwarts. They don’t even notice, Y/n looking up at Jungkook with emotional eyes.

“I can’t believe I have friends to share this with.” She doesn’t realize the group is listening, and they all feel simultaneously touched and saddened by her words. Jungkook only ruffles her hair fondly.

“Get used to it, kid -- things are looking up for us.” It’s then that Jungkook happens to glance up, catching Taehyung’s gaze and seeing glossy tears in the boy’s eyes. Looking around, he notes that everyone’s got a similar expression, and he wonders what they must think of Y/n -- of the girl they don’t know enough about to understand her sentiments. He also wonders why they seem so moved by her words.

The awkward moment’s cut short by Namjoon clearing his throat. He points toward Jin, who’s standing by the fridge.

“We have enough food in there to feed us for a week, but Jin said it’s all ‘snacks’, so it looks like we have to go buy lunch.” Everyone nods, accepting that Jin would probably bite them before letting them into the kitchenette, and they start heading back out into the campground.

--

By the time night’s fallen, they’re all exhausted and a bit giddy. It’s almost 10, the effects of waking up at 4am weighing down on the group as they sit together in front of their tent. Hoseok and Yoongi had set up a small fire for them to gather around, Jimin playing music quietly from the small speaker Tae had packed as they talk amongst themselves.

Namjoon leans against a decently sized pile of rocks, reading quietly with the light from the fire. Y/n suspects he’s not actually reading, having caught his smile every time someone had cracked a lame joke, but she doesn’t call him on it. He looks peaceful there, in his quiet corner. Yoongi and Hoseok sit together on one side of the fire, whispering to each other and smiling about things only they know. Jungkook, Tae, and Jin are huddled, having a small argument about some of the merchandise being sold by the traveling shops that are set up around the campground.

Y/n sits with Jimin, watching the group and jokingly judging Jimin’s music taste as he scrolls through his phone. They’re sitting awfully close together, and Jimin thinks in the back of his mind that they must look about as cozy as Yoongi and Hoseok do -- that thought brings him much more joy than it should.

Despite the endless chatter and liveliness of the campground, the night starts to wind down, the sky clouding over in a way that makes it seem darker than it already is. It’s a perfectly good time for everyone to head to bed, but the chaotic trio has apparently decided to escalate their quarrel, the three of them jumping up at the same time.

“We’re going to check out some stuff -- it’s important!” Jungkook calls out to the rest of the group right before disappearing into the crowd with Jin and Tae. Namjoon promptly shuts his book, standing with a groan and heading in the direction they’d just gone. He offers them a shrug as an explanation.

“Someone needs to keep an eye on them.” He’s gone soon, leaving Jimin and Y/n to make awkward eye contact with Hoseok and Yoongi. Y/n locks eyes with Hoseok, and Jimin gets the strange feeling, from the way Hoseok’s eyes widen and then narrow suspiciously, that they’re communicating telepathically. The Slytherin shakes his head subtly, and then again a little more forcefully, before sighing heavily and rising to his feet. Holding his hand out, he helps Yoongi -- who looks as confused as Jimin feels -- to his feet before pointing noncommittally in the same direction their friends had gone.

“Apparently, I’m hungry enough to go searching for a snack, even though we have snacks in the tent.” Yoongi smirks at the clear annoyance in Hoseok’s voice, tugging him toward the crowd.

“Come on -- let’s go find a tree to make out under.” Immediately, Hoseok’s gaze becomes one of mischievous excitement, and he practically skips after the shorter boy into the distance. Jimin makes a noise of disgust, mirrored by Y/n’s expression.

Jimin only properly registers that they’re alone when his phone automatically starts playing a slower song -- rather, he properly registers that Y/n had asked Hoseok to leave them alone. Turning to her suddenly as if for an explanation, he finds that she’s staring into the fire with the intensity of someone who’s very socially awkward. He can’t help the breath of laughter that leaves him, one that becomes real laughter when she glares at him.

“You look like you just realized the consequences of your actions.” Her jaw drops, and she pushes at his shoulder, affronted.

“Sue me for wanting to spend time alone with you!” Immediately, she’s hiding her face in her hands, groaning. She wonders if maybe -- if she wishes for it enough -- the ground will just open up around her and swallow her whole. Her ears feel like they’re being set on fire when she hears Jimin’s laughter ringing through the air, and she hates that she loves the sound anyway.

“When are you just going to admit that you’re in love with me, Y/n? I promise I won’t laugh.” She mumbles something into her hands, and it sounds suspiciously like ‘you’re already laughing’. Jimin tugs at her wrist, dragging her out from her hiding spot and forcing her to look at him.

“How about we make a deal?” Y/n sends him another glare, but it’s her pout that catches his attention and drives him to the brink of insanity. “We can say it together -- count to three and admit how crazy we are about each other at the same time.” Y/n rolls her eyes and snatches her wrist from his hold, turning back to the fire, which has basically died down completely by now.

“Stop messing around, you big dork.” Jimin holds his hand to his chest and gasps.

“I have never been so serious about something in my life as I am about this.” He keeps talking, a dramatic monologue about his integrity, but something triggers the alarm bells in the back of her head -- the same alarm bells that have kept her alive up to this point -- and she’s immediately distracted.

Glancing around, she finds that nothing’s changed in their surroundings -- families and groups of friends still celebrate the start of the World Cup, the chaos of thousands of people in one place never-ending. But there’s something in the air, something that sets her nerves on edge. Looking up, she realizes that it’s gotten exceptionally dark, the clouds concentrating into one dense curtain in the sky, removing any sign that the stars had been there in the first place.

“Jimin, wait… this doesn’t feel right.” Realizing, based on the pained expression that fills Jimin’s face when she interrupts his secretly heartfelt rant, that she’s said the wrong thing at the wrong time, Y/n shakes her head quickly, motioning out into the distance. “I’m talking about this -- something’s off.” She ignores Jimin’s lingering eyes on her when she stands from her spot on the ground, looking to the treeline and taking in their surroundings. He joins her when he gets a clear look at her face and sees how urgent her gaze is.

The breeze is gone, leaving her with the taste of stale smoke in her lungs, the air still foggy from the bonfire. It seems the sense of freedom had left with the boys, since all she can feel is an invisible weight coming down on her chest -- something coming for her.

And come it does, in Jimin’s frozen form and horrified gaze, staring straight over Y/n’s shoulder into the sky behind her. Whipping around, terrified about what she might find, she’s stepping backwards and colliding with Jimin’s chest before she can even register what she’s seeing. The clouds have darkened considerably and are moving of their own accord, twisting and turning as they take shape in the sky. Jimin begins to shake uncontrollably as the storm clouds become one, revealing the skull with the open jaw, a massive snake emerging from within and wrapping itself cleanly around the top.

“That’s-”

“Guys!”

“Jimin, Y/n-”

“We’re so fucked!” The rest of the group comes crashing into the space in panicked chaos, tearing through their campsite with thinly veiled terror. Taehyung and Namjoon make a beeline for their tent as the sounds of pained screams start to filter in, replacing the comfortable memories of the bonfire with something much darker. Yoongi stands near the fire pit, turning in circles and pulling at his hair desperately as he realizes where they are.

“This isn’t -- this tent, it’s in the middle of --” He stops, breathing hard, hands still buried in his hair as the thought finally hits. “My parents put us in the middle of Slytherin territory.”

Jin comes in behind everyone else, firing curses over his shoulder as he calls out to the group, scanning their faces and doing a mental headcount.

“We need to get out of here -- the muggleborns should go first.” He locks eyes with Namjoon as the older Ravenclaw exits the tent carrying a bag. Namjoon nods, grabbing hold of Taehyung’s wrist and moving toward Y/n, who hasn’t left Jimin’s side.

“I grabbed everything important, so let’s just go.” He reaches for Y/n’s arm, triggering Jimin’s protectiveness. Jimin pulls her closer on instinct, and Namjoon sighs as he releases Taehyung in order to grab both of them. “We need to go.” He addresses Y/n under his breath. “You’re not safe here, either.” They keep eye contact for just a moment, but it’s enough that Y/n is left with the feeling of ice in her blood even after Namjoon’s turned back to the group.

How much… does he know?

Before she can question Jimin about Namjoon’s suspicious behavior, Jimin’s tugging her toward his friends as they move toward the edge of the forest. Pulling back and forcing Jimin to a stop, Y/n points at Jungkook, who has now flanked Jin and is defending one part of their campsite from the oncoming hoard of Slytherins.

“I’m not leaving without him.” The conflicted look that crosses Jimin’s face tears at Y/n’s heart, but she stands her ground, motioning back toward Jungkook. “I have to stay-”

“What? No, you have to go!” The call comes from behind her, and it’s only a matter of moments before Jungkook is by her side, shoving her into Jimin’s arms. “Take her with you! Don’t you ever let her out of your sight-”

“Jungkook, watch out-”

Taehyung yells out to him, just a moment too late. Y/n watches in horror as a red light appears just over Jungkook’s shoulder. It grows bigger and bigger as it flies toward them, accompanied by the disgusted shriek of “Blood Traitor!”, and all she can do is hug Jungkook to her as she waits for the curse to strike him in between his shoulder blades.

Pulling him close, she barely manages to catch the flash of silver that appears, encompassing them as another body slides into view and blocks out everything else. The shield charm is cast wordlessly and so powerfully that it knocks the Slytherin who’d attacked them clean off his feet. Thrown back at least ten feet, he’s left bewildered and sore.

Hoseok stands between Jungkook and the army of Slytherins, breathing heavily as the shield dissipates around them. He holds his head high as he stares down the group, resigning himself to the fact that, after years of hiding his true self from his housemates, his loyalties have been clearly defined in that moment.

The silence that follows is only broken by the soft fwip of a wand being slipped out of a pocket, and it’s as Hoseok is whipping his head around that another red light appears, its caster completely silent. The curse burns through the air, almost as if in slow motion, cutting through the space right under Hoseok’s ear with the sharp precision of a skilled marksman and meeting its target on the other side, searing the ends of Hoseok’s hair as it goes. The Slytherin who’d been poised to attack from the treeline is hurled backwards, disappearing into the forest as everyone watches him go, Yoongi’s wand still trained on the spot where he’d stood.

The cold fury that fills Yoongi’s eyes is replaced with concern as he lowers his wand and rushes to Hoseok’s side, giving him a once over before turning to face the growing crowd of Death Eaters in-training, aligning his loyalties just the same as Hoseok had. Y/n allows herself the small smile that arises when she sees the gaze that Hoseok casts upon Yoongi, filled with the kind of love she could only hope to have in her own life. The moment doesn’t last long.

The group of friends, realizing almost simultaneously that they’re being surrounded, forms a huddle facing outward, wands steady as they prepare for the attack.

“If we make it out of this shit alive, I’m going to throw the biggest fit of my life when I get home.” The mention of the Dark Lord’s most loyal Min family sets off the first wave of curses, their traitorous son the target.

One by one, the group takes down their attackers, tiring out but never giving up. Minimal injuries are sustained on their end, their will to survive too strong to forgive even the slightest mistake. Jimin keeps one hand on Y/n at all times, unwilling to lose track of her for even a moment, as if she’s not been stuck to his side all night.

Curses rain down on them from all sides, the Dark Mark in the sky peeking through the shower of red lights as they fight for their lives. Jimin feels Y/n stagger beside him, but she seems to be unharmed when he looks her over. Glancing in alarm at the moon, barely visible amongst all the smoke and mayhem, Jimin curses under his breath as he remembers the date -- and more importantly, that she hadn’t yet taken her dose for the night. He pours all his energy into his attacks from that moment on, everything suddenly becoming much more urgent.

Time passes so slowly that none of them are quite sure how long they’ve been there, fighting in a war they’d never asked for. Just when Y/n thinks they might be losing -- that they might be forced to pledge allegiance to the Dark Lord, or even killed where they stand -- there’s a loud pop and a gush of wind passes over all of them.

From within their circle comes the angered cry of Sirius Black, who manages to deflect a rather mean curse headed straight for Jin’s chest. He’s followed by James and Remus, the three of them throwing themselves into the mix so carelessly that it catches the Slytherins by surprise. James takes advantage of the delay, surging out of the circle toward the largest density of Slytherins and pointing his wand at the ground closest to them.

“Confringo!” The earth beneath their feet shudders under James’ command, collapsing in on itself before exploding outward, sending no less than 10 people flying through the air and creating a chaos too intense for the rest to handle. The world around them becomes fuzzy and confusing, and Y/n feels nothing except the hands that pull at her and urge her forward into the forest.

They all manage to stumble far enough away from the mess to gather their bearings, but the shouts of their enemies are not far off. As soon as they confirm that they’re all alive and relatively unscathed, Remus takes Y/n by the elbow and pulls her gently to him. Jimin is reluctant to let her go.

“I need to talk to you -- we have to go somewhere safe.” Sirius is collecting the rest of the group and giving them the location of a safe place to meet, a small cottage in the countryside where he and Remus had been living.

“You guys head there first, we’ll meet you.” He hands the keys to Jungkook, who nods in understanding as he sees that Remus has no intention to rejoin the group. Jimin starts to reach for Y/n, unhappy with their separation, but Hoseok speaks up from the back. He’s being half-carried by Yoongi, his leg having suffered a bit of damage from James’ blasting curse, but not so much that he couldn’t walk. Y/n bites back a smirk, suspecting that Hoseok had just been looking for an excuse to need Yoongi, who is absolute garbage at hiding how pleased he is.

“Make sure you come back soon. I trust you guys, and I know you need to talk in private, but I don’t like not having Y/n close in times like this.” Remus nods, acknowledging Jungkook as well, before leading Y/n away. The boys start to apparate away, James helping Hoseok and Yoongi get to the house safely before returning to join his friends. Remus has led Y/n a safe enough distance away that the Slytherins would have a hard time finding them and is explaining the gravity of the situation to her.

“-- to infiltrate a pack of werewolves living in the mountains. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, Y/n.” Y/n examines Remus’ face, noting the new scars and the exhaustion that lies heavy in his eyes. He looks nothing like the bright school boy from just a few months ago, and she knows he’s seen unimaginable things in the short time that he’s been working under Dumbledore. They all look drained and, frankly, terrified. The lives they’d been promised from a young age were fading away into this dreary nothingness, this thankless job where nothing is more uncertain than the future.

“You’ll be careful, won’t you? Just tell me you’ll be careful -- all of you.” Remus looks taken aback by her words, and Sirius can’t suppress the soft chuckle that escapes him, amazed at this girl standing before him, not nearly as reserved as they’d all thought her to be.

“Of course we’ll be careful, love. Don’t you trust us?” Y/n shakes her head, smiling despite her scoff.

“Trust you guys? I didn’t realize you were an aspiring comedian, Sirius.” They laugh openly now, thankful for even just this moment of reprieve from the hell they live in. Remus leans over, patting her adoringly on her head, as if they weren’t damn near the same age.

“Good, that’s good. Don’t trust anyone, Y/n, you hear me? Don’t trust anyone you wouldn’t die for. Can you do that for me?” Y/n nods, the picture of those boys in that cottage in the countryside coming to mind so easily.

“I know who my people are. There’s no one else besides them -- and you guys. So try your best not to get yourselves killed?” James salutes her once as Sirius nods. Remus moves to agree, but the sound of leaves crunching not too far away triggers an immediate response in him. Lunging forward and taking her into his arms, he throws Y/n over his shoulder and takes off running, knowing better than anyone else what it would mean if she were caught. Y/n watches with horror as two Death Eaters appear out of what looks like thin air, sending James and Sirius into action. She can do nothing but watch as they deflect curses while maintaining their ground.

Remus sets her down a long distance away, trying to warn her again, but her attention is on the action they’d just managed to escape. She tries to push past him to go help James and Sirius, but he grabs her by the shoulders quickly and forces her to look at him, shaking her roughly in the process.

“Listen to me, Y/n- listen to me!” She meets his eyes, alarmed by the frustration in his voice. “The public knows. They know now just to what extent the werewolf population is siding with Voldemort. Everything before this summer was just speculation -- of course the evil magical beasts should side with the Dark Lord, right? Well, the Minister of Magic just released a statement this morning. Everyone knows now. And it won’t matter how much we cry and beg and plead for our lives -- if they catch us, we’re dead. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Y/n can do no more than stare into Remus’ eyes, wishing this all away -- wishing that they could just be back in school, a bunch of kids with no worries about the war. But the longer she stares into his eyes, the longer she realizes that they don’t just have to worry about the war now. They’re part of it. Two werewolves with way too many people keeping their secret. James, Sirius, Peter, Jungkook, Hoseok, and now Jimin? And --

Does Namjoon know, too? Just who the hell else has to be put into danger because of what I am?

--

Y/n steps through the front gate of the cottage, having been dropped off by Remus -- she’s not of age yet to apparate alone -- before he disappeared again, presumably to help his friends escape. She’s barely within ten feet of the front door when it’s flying open, Jimin appearing before her with wild eyes. He rushes at her, taking her into his arms with a desperation he didn’t even know he felt. She pats at his back, unsure of what to say, still dazed from everything Remus had told her.

“I was only gone a few minutes…” Jimin pulls back, looking at her as if she’s insane.

“I don’t care. Those were the worst few minutes of my life. I hated not knowing if you were okay.” He looks her over, patting at her arms gently. “You are okay, right?” When she nods he sighs before glancing around them urgently as if realizing they’re out in the open. He tugs her inside, shutting the door tightly behind them. He’s about to motion her down the hallway into the living room, where the rest of their friends are regrouping, but she stops him. The look she gives him is suspicious, and he’s unsure why.

“Jimin, you told me you would never breathe a word of what I am to anyone…” He looks at her with alarm, shaking his head.

“I didn’t tell anyone anything -- why? What happened?” She examines him for a moment, seeing that Jimin’s as confused as she is. She proceeds with caution, realizing that if Jimin really hadn’t said anything, then this conversation is about to be very uncomfortable.

“I think… Namjoon might know something…” Jimin feels like he can’t breathe then, the air stopping short in his chest as his heart drops out from under him. He swears without thinking, the word slipping out as he processes what she’s saying.

“Fuck… shit… fuck…” Y/n squints at him, unsure of where his mind’s just gone. Jimin squeezes his eyes shut, another swear falling from his lips as guilt overcomes him. He opens his mouth to explain, but he can’t bring himself to look her in the eyes.

“Before I figured out… everything, I would talk to Joon about things that confused me… about you.” He opens his eyes just enough to glance at her before looking away, but he’s surprised that she isn’t fuming with anger. She’s only thinking carefully about his words.

“So, he probably put it together on his own.” She comes to the conclusion as she ponders, offering the reason for Namjoon’s comment to her earlier. Jimin lurches forward, taking her hand in both of his, eyes pleading.

“I swear to you, Y/n, I didn’t say a word of this to him after I figured it out. I completely dropped it, and when he asked me why, I just told him I was respecting your privacy by minding my own business -- I promise, I never said anything--”

“Jimin!” His name cuts through the air, and his mouth snaps shut immediately to give her room to talk. “I’m not mad at you. I’m more worried than anything… I wonder who else knows…”

“Uhm, actually--” The new voice has them both turning to look to the end of the hallway, where Tae’s standing awkwardly in the doorway to the living room. He’s flanked by Jin and Yoongi, Namjoon standing with Jungkook and Hoseok just inside the room.

“--I think we all know…” The blood drains from both Y/n and Jimin’s faces as Jungkook and Hoseok look to each other in alarm. Jin nods, Yoongi smiling awkwardly to confirm what Tae’s saying. The air in the house is cold, no one willing to break the tense silence while Y/n processes what she’s just heard. She meets Jungkook’s eyes then, his gaze betraying the immense fear that he’s feeling, much like the ice running through her veins.

None of them even notice the front door opening behind Jimin, the three Marauders stumbling into the house, disheveled but generally unscathed. They stop short at the scene before them, glancing amongst themselves before James is breaking the silence himself.

“Are we… interrupting something…?”

--

“Okay, someone start talking before I go insane.” They’re all crowded into the living room meant only for a few people, Y/n and Remus sitting together on a couch in the middle of the room, everyone else taking up the extra seats and floor space. It looks like a club meeting gone horribly wrong, if the discomfort in everyone’s eyes is anything to go by. Y/n looks around after demanding an explanation, finally looking to Namjoon, as he’s the only one she’d been aware of until a few minutes ago. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“After Jimin suddenly stopped all the obsessive theorizing and curiosities, I got suspicious… I had a feeling he’d put everything together, and I was worried that he was getting himself into some kind of trouble because that’s just the kind of nosy Ravenclaw he is. I just put it together myself so I could help him if I needed to…” Jimin grimaces at Namjoon’s words, knowing them to be true but disliking the description all the same.

The glare of irritation Jungkook’s been shooting him doesn’t help, but Hoseok pulls the Gryffindor’s attention away with a bump of his knee against Jungkook’s thigh. When Jungkook drags his burning gaze away from Jimin to look at Hoseok, Jimin’s shocked to see that Hoseok’s simply shaking his head at the Jeon heir, silently telling him to back off. Jimin’s eyes widen then, never having experienced such a sense of stunned relief as he feels in this moment with Hoseok’s quiet support.

Jungkook turns his annoyed gaze over to the spot where Taehyung, Jin, and Yoongi sit. He locks eyes with his roommate of six years.

“Tae?” The boy in question looks down at his hands sheepishly, glancing at Y/n in a way that seems almost apologetic. When he lifts his head, he speaks directly to her, feeling that his explanation should be for her and her alone.

“Jimin’s my best friend… it would be weird if I wasn’t worried about him with him acting so strange. I didn’t really figure it out until the beginning of the summer, when I started spending more time with you -- I noticed how sick you’d get around the same time each month, and you’d always look so tired afterwards. I know we don’t know each other as well as Jimin knows you, but I was worried about you, so I… did my own digging and put the pieces together. It also explained a lot about all the times Jungkook would run out of our room in a panic in the middle of the night. There were just… a lot of things that made sense once I’d started to think about it.” Y/n keeps her eyes on him, trying to process the guilt in his eyes and wondering why he sounds so upset. “I know that you’re probably terrified of us knowing, but I promise I was just worried about you. I’m sorry I was snooping in your life…”

Y/n sees then that Taehyung feels the same kind of responsibility that Jimin had always carried in his eyes -- one of fear that his actions would bring her harm. He’d been sitting with that for the whole summer, quietly trying his best to keep her safe by pretending he knew nothing at all. She opens her mouth to tell him that he has nothing to feel bad about, but Jin’s clearing his throat.

“I, uh-- we--” He gestures to the space between himself and Yoongi, whose gaze is one of cautious observation as the conversation goes on around him. “We… were on our way back to Yoongi’s room and overheard you and Hoseok talking -- something about Jimin finding out… Hoseok was really upset, and he was kind of yelling. We didn’t mean to eavesdrop -- it’s just that we were right outside, and you were trying to calm him down, and he was just saying a lot of stuff that was confusing and weird, but it was obvious what was going on.” Jin glances over at Yoongi as if to confirm his story, and the Slytherin only nods. He turns back to Y/n, finishing his explanation. “We found out together--”

“Actually--” Everyone’s attention turns to Yoongi, who shifts uncomfortably under the weight of their gazes. He clears his throat, scratching at his neck while he finds his words. “Actually… I already knew by then. I think, based on what everyone’s been saying, that I probably knew before any of them…” He trails off, leaving the group to devolve into strained chaos.

“Wait, you knew?”

“How long have you known?!”

“When did you find out?” Ignoring the barrage of questions, Yoongi only looks to Hoseok, whose eyes tell how shocked he is. Flicking his gaze to Y/n, Yoongi continues.

“Do you remember when we first met? That night in the Hospital Wing -- it was before winter break.” Y/n’s jaw drops as her memories fly all the way back to December -- almost a year prior. “I went to visit you, originally because Hobi had mentioned something about going to visit a friend and I was looking for an excuse to see him.” Hoseok laughs under his breath, still stunned into disbelief about the situation, but Yoongi hasn’t stopped talking, almost rambling now.

“I had just found out that you guys were even friends -- it was really weird for me to think about, you know? Until then, he’d only ever been friends with Slytherins, and even then he seemed hesitant about getting close to them. I mean, I get it, that’s how I was, too. But to find out that my roommate since first year had a secret friend group with people that made no sense for him to know -- I was curious about you. I wanted to see what you were like. Especially because Jimin was, like, obsessed with you -- sorry, Jimin.” The Ravenclaw grimaces again, hating that he’s been described only as obsessive but knowing that that’s exactly what he’d been like.

“So… what does that have to do with finding out about me? How did you know?” Y/n leans forward, elbows on her knees as she looks intently at Yoongi. He sighs in response.

“Look. My entire life, I’ve been trying to separate myself from my name. My parents are objectively fucking insane, and I want nothing to do with them, especially now that they pulled that bullshit with the World Cup reservation. I can’t be like them, okay? I would rather die fighting on the right side of this war than ever pledge my allegiance to that nose-less freak. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still live at the Min Estate. And the Min Estate -- it’s like a beacon for the wicked and evil. I’ve seen every kind of creature walk through the doors of my house whenever my parents hold their Death Eater meetings. It’s like a monthly book club, but for murder. So I know what werewolves are like. I know the signs and the symptoms, and I know how cruel and vicious they can be.”

Y/n breaks her gaze then, staring down at her feet as he confirms every fear that she’s ever felt -- that she would be seen as a monster, an evil beast with only the instinct to kill. All the same, it hurts to hear him say it out loud.

“And that’s why I knew you were nothing like them.” Y/n’s head whips up, and she sees that Yoongi’s focused on conveying to her with his eyes that he means what he’s said. He doesn’t see the affection that fills Hoseok’s gaze, replacing the icy fear he’d been feeling the entire time Yoongi’s been talking.

“You’re nothing like them, Y/n. You’re kind and considerate, and you’re so shy around new people that even I’m in pain just watching you struggle to talk. You’re really fucking weird, and your sense of humor has been shaped by growing up with a crazy ass Gryffindor brother and this sarcastic asshole--” He points then to his boyfriend, finally feeling confident enough to look Hoseok in the eye as he cracks the joke before returning his attention to Y/n.

“So, yes, you’re a werewolf. But you’ve got nothing to worry about with me. Or any of us, to be honest.” The rest of the group nods then, and Y/n feels the air returning to her lungs after so long of holding her breath. It’s only when she looks to Remus, who still seems unsure, that she remembers how complicated their situation is.

“I appreciate that, I really do. You guys have no idea how scared I was that you’d find out… but it’s not as simple as you think -- not that any of this has been simple to begin with. It’s just… more complicated--”

“So, are we talking about Remus, or something else?” Taehyung speaks up, looking genuinely confused about what she’s alluding to. James and Sirius tense where they sit on either side of Remus, whose gaze has just become very guarded.

“I’m not sure what you mean--”

“The ‘you being a werewolf’ thing? Yeah, that wasn’t hard to figure out once I knew what to look for in Y/n.” It’s Jin who cuts him off, Yoongi and Namjoon nodding along. Jungkook throws his hands in the air, flopping back against the couch with an exasperated sigh.

“Just how bad are we at keeping things a secret around here?!” Remus groans in response, but James and Sirius seem to be taking the news in stride.

“Look on the bright side, Moony -- now we have an army of hooligans to keep you guys safe!” Remus rolls his eyes in irritation before looking to Y/n for help. She stares down at her hands, feeling more exhausted than she’s ever felt in her life -- and she experiences monthly painful transformations that leave her bedridden for days after.

“This isn’t a joke, James.” The Potter boy snaps his mouth shut when, for the first time since meeting her, Y/n’s voice carries an edge when she addresses him. “The number of people that are in danger now because of what we are has just doubled. And now there are muggleborns involved -- what’s going to happen if anyone gets wind that they know something about us? With what the Ministry’s just released… it’s too much. This is all too much.” Namjoon hums then, pulling Y/n out of the dangerously dark mental dive she was just about to take.

“I mean, we’re involved in this war whether we know about you guys or not. We’re already fighting for our lives -- what difference does it make if we know what you are? If anything, it gives us a reason to fight harder.” He gestures among all of them, all eleven of them in that room.

“We’re all we have left in this war -- why wouldn’t we do everything it takes to keep each other safe?”

[micheswife]

Confessions

MICHE ZACHARIAS X SHY CADET

Miche finally tells his crush he likes her. That's it

Miche watched her from Erwin’s office as she left the headquarters to enjoy a well-deserved break. The evening sun highlighted her brunette curls, stopping just below her delicate shoulders. It was a shame really, her hair used to touch her waist when she first joined. She was so incredibly shy and anxious back then, struggling to find her place among younger people that were much stronger than her. He remembered back when she declined the promotion for the sake of her happiness. It had been 3 years since y/n joined the survey corps at the age of 20. She was a late beginner, but her analytical skills, a fateful emotional meltdown and a background in research had soon gotten her a place under section commander Hange. Y/n was not good as a fighter, but she was observant, more than Erwin and Hange. Miche could not help but notice her, she was cute after all. She had flaws, just like everyone else, but the veteran soldier was drawn to her in particular. He couldn’t remember when he felt like that for the first time. Maybe it was when he saw her for the first time, clutching a soiled handwritten application and trying her hardest to put on a brave face. Who knows? Who cares? The important part was that he liked her, she did not know and he was not going to tell.

“What are you looking at Miche? “

“N-nothing, Erwin. Go on…”

Miche went back to focusing on the meeting. y/n had already disappeared in the next lane, so there was no point looking outside. The meeting would go on for hours, as usual, veterans had no holidays.

Meanwhile, y/n made herself comfortable near the quiet riverbank. It was one of the few attractions in the little land of Paradis, especially after the fall of Wall Maria. The serene river glowed red under the now darkening sun rays. Y/n had about 30 minutes to draw something, after which it would get too dark. Problem was, y/n had no idea what to draw. So she just sat there, wondering about her life. It seemed self-indulgent to refuse work only to get out and ponder about herself, but she needed it. The chaos inside the headquarters hardly did her any good. She wanted quiet and peace, but what she had right now was just pure loneliness. Y/n had friends, but nobody close or free enough to sit under the open night sky. So she sat all alone over the wall, the cold breeze ruffling her hair. If only there were someone to hold her.

“Bottomline, all of you must prepare your squads for next month’s expedition. We can’t afford to compromise manpower. Pay attention to the weak members, we need them to come back alive. You all are dismissed.”

Miche walked out of Erwin’s office and went straight to his room that he shared with Dieter, another squad leader. He felt tired, as though he knew what was about to come. A lot of action and a shit ton of casualties, not to forget all the rigorous training he was about to deliver on the cadets.

“What a long day..”

“Tomorrow’s going to be longer, Ness.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think you will make it through the expedition?”

Miche scrunched his nose at the odd yet totally reasonable question. Him and Dieter served the scout regiment since their teenage years, yet they never quite got used to the anxiety before impending doom. Against his overbearing stress, Miche gave him a positive answer hoping to lift his spirits.

“I will make it out alive, Ness. The most damage I will end up with is a lost limb, after which I will retire and live a peaceful life. Don’t worry.” Miche finished with his signature scoff, masking his true emotions. The shameless, pretentious display of cockiness was all worth the little chuckle from Ness, the most sociable, tender man among veterans.

They made their way to the dining hall after chit chatting and freshening up. Their tables had the usual serving of bread, soup and vegetables. His eyes scanned the place for the owner of those beautiful, crazy curls, y/n, she should have been back by now. He couldn’t see her anywhere. Usually it was so easy to spot her in her corner seat. Perhaps Hange assigned her some work, but he couldn’t risk revealing his crush by asking the overly-energetic squad leader. So he quietly finished his plate, feeling just a little hint of emptiness because he missed y/n.

“Nifa, find y/n and tell her I want her in the lab tomorrow at 6am sharp.” Mike overheard Hange speaking from a couple of tables away.

“Yes captain.” Nifa quickly finished her meal and left the dining hall and eventually the headquarters. Her face made it clear that she had done this several times now and Miche was not surprised. Y/n was often in her own head and stayed out for a long time. Miche just found it unusual for her to stay out this late. It was cold outside, no person in their right mind would stay out past 8pm. He wished he knew what was going on inside the girl’s head that made her personality so withdrawn, but he did not have the time. He needed to draft a schedule for this week’s training and tests for the cadets. Just the thought of sitting in an office doing paperwork with a candlelight flickering throughout the night made him feel calm. He was extremely skilled on the field, but he liked doing paperwork too. His studious side was something only his immediate squad and other veterans were familiar with. Sometimes he couldn’t help fantasizing about sharing his study with y/n. Aside from his feelings, y/n had the brains to draft a perfect test that tapped into all the necessary skills for the next expedition. After all, that was what she had been doing before joining the survey corps, albeit in a different field. Miche stopped in his tracks as an idea struck him. He felt dumb, so dumb. He had drafted so many tests, all by himself, fully knowing that there was someone that could probably do it better than him. Fully knowing that y/n had been a psychology student, and she had perfected the theory subjects after joining the survey corps. He turned around and approached Hange.

“Would you mind if I borrow one of your soldiers for a while?”

“That depends, Miche, who are you talking about?”

“Y/n, I need her help drafting the tests tonight. I think she can do a good job.”

“You are right.. I’ll let her know.”

“Tell her to be in my office by 9;30 tonight.”

Miche left for his office to begin work, he wanted to finish as much as he could before y/n showed up. Because work was not the only thing he was concerned about. He knew exactly what he was doing, it was dubious, but he needed to do it. It was funny how a few hours ago he thought he’d never confess his feelings, but later created an opportunity to do that exact thing. He couldn’t believe himself.

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It was 9;30 sharp, and Miche heard a soft knock on his office door.

“Come in, it’s unlocked, and take a seat before me.” He said without lifting his head.

Y/n made herself comfortable and glanced over three open books and a single page. Miche was writing down questions.

“Alright y/n, I need your help drafting the question papers for tomorrow’s tests. Of course, you will be exempted from actually taking the test as a reward.”

“Understood, sir”

“Good, now I want you to create 30 questions that combine the concepts of formations, weaponry and strategy. Make them difficult, and make sure to base it upon the last 5 expeditions.”

“Alright-”

“You have 2 hours to finish this.”

“Okay..” y/n walked over to the bookshelf and grabbed a heap of books. Miche raised his eyebrows in confusion,

“How are you going to refer to that many books and finish it within time?” Miche questioned her.

“I will, don’t worry.” y/n’s sudden confidence took him aback.

“Well good luck.”

Time flew by quickly as both of them were engrossed in their work, the only sounds coming from the candle and turning of pages. It wasn’t peaceful to be precise, y/n was turning pages with such aggression it made the section commander steal glances at her. She would flip through the pages and write down important points, constantly checking the time as she worked. Her handwriting got messier as time flew by and Miche couldn’t help but notice. He could tell that y/n totally had the plan to give those cadets a hard time. She had a weak, but cocky smirk the whole time, and Miche was just glad that he was not one of the people that would need to take the test. He knew that expression and aggressive handwriting very well. She always wore that smirk while writing exams, and everytime she came out on top. Miche knew she was overcompensating for her sub-par physique and iron-deficiency that interfered with her ODM skills, but that semblance of confidence on her face always turned him on. Her hair was still messed up, she struggled to keep that twisted fringe out of her face.

“Where’s the ruler?!” Y/n asked loudly, shaking Miche out of his trance.

“Wait…” He fished out a ruler from the clutter in his drawer and handed it to y/n.

“What are you drawing?”

“A wrong diagram of the latest formation.” Y/n replied curtly.

“I see.. Good.”

Miche was organizing his drawer after finishing his work when y/n handed him the tests. It was 11;30 sharp. The ink had somehow gotten between y/n’s fingers. Miche went through all seven pages of three extremely complicated tests and shot a glance at y/n, who looked like she was awaiting his praise. She was sitting with her back straight, wide eyed and messy hair. Miche chuckled, and y/n smiled. She knew she had done those cadets dirty with her questions.

“You have a naughty side, don’t you?” “Kitten” , was the term Miche refrained from using at the end.

Y/n nodded with a cheeky grin. The section commander squinted and got up from his chair, towering over her. A faint blush crept over her cheeks as she broke eye contact with him, staring down at her feet instead. Her delicate shoulders now looked tensed up under her transparent, embroidered shoulder shawl. The pile of paperwork didn’t allow him to notice her beautiful blush pink dress. She had embroidered little flowers to accentuate her figure all the way down to her hips.

“You look beautiful in that dress.” Miche blurted out, causing her to blush harder and breathe unevenly.

“Thank you, sir..”

“Look at me when you speak.”

“O-okay..” she slowly raised her head, still not wanting to make eye contact.

“I will be straight to the point y/n… I like you, not just as a comrade.”

“Understood.” y/n was taking quick, short breaths, causing the tall blonde to get on his knees. She had gone back to her timid mouse state and he could no longer read her.

“Are you scared right now?” Miche tried hard to not sound like a creep.

“No, I like you too!”

“That’s -” he began to speak but got cut off.

“More than a comrade, if you were wondering…” she trailed off shyly. Miche kept staring at her, dumbstruck at her honest confession. This whole time he had no idea about her feelings.

"When were you planning to tell me ..?" Miche asked, pulling a chair behind him. He was still leaning towards y/n with an expression of pure shock.

"I… Never planned on saying anything." Y/n's expression saddened as she looked at him with her doe eyes.

"I can understand.". he was telling the truth. The realisation that their confessions were a result of his impulsive decision dawned on him. He couldn't take his eyes off her form. She looked anxious, fondling with her pendant in one hand.

"Do you want to take this further?" Y/n asked with a shaky voice, and his answer was immediate.

"Yes."

She looked straight into his eyes and smiled.

"Can I kiss you?" The 35 year old man felt like a teenager trying to walk on eggshells. The woman before him giggled and nodded in approval, finally lifting her hand from the pendant. She was starting to settle down, although the butterflies in her stomach made it difficult. Miche was about to lean in when she stopped him and got up from her chair.

"I forgot to lock the door." She said naughtly.

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Okay, I really wanted to turn this into a smut, but I am too chicken. 🙈🥺

[fieldbears]

It seems like you know a lot about skin care. I'm 28 now and honestly dont really bother with it (except to take off make up and using sunscreen). I'm 28 now and feel like my skin's fine but wonder if there's stuff it actually needs. With skincare being such a huge industry it's hard to understand what ingredients skin actually needs bc I feel companies (& influencers) try to sell you a lot of shit you don't need and maybe even makes your skin worse. Any tips where to start? Thank u

Hey friend! I love helping newbies. I absolutely do have tips. And a two-product two-step regimen. You can get it for under $40 and it should last you 6 months or more.

First off, there is ABSOLUTELY a ton of shit you don’t need. That is a good instinct. You can always pay more for a product and you can always add more steps to your routine, but that doesn’t mean that you’re actually getting more out of it. The first thing you should ask yourself is, what do you want out of your skincare?

SUNSCREEN: For someone who isn’t sure what they want or what they should do, my first question is how much time you spend in the sun. The one thing you can do to really permanently damage your skin is to spend a lot of time in the sun without any sunscreen. Basically: blah blah rays of sun blah blah destroys the collagen, aka squishy bouncy bonds between cells, blah blah, destroyed collagen means the skin sags more, meaning wrinkles.

(It is also, I hope I don’t need to say, dangerous for Cancer Reasons to get a ton of non-screened sun exposure. But I’m assuming that’s a given here.)

Like I said in the last post, southeast Asian sunscreen options are a huge improvement on what you find on the shelves here in the States because they have more stringent laws on what chemicals are okay to put in a product. But if you stick with what you can grab at CVS, that’s fine too - just make sure you google the brand and type and make sure the SPF is for real. (Some products marketed at, say, SPF 45 are actually proven to only be SPF 15. It’s like the olive oil bullshit all over again!)

There are also a lot of moisturizers available with SPF protection in them.

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY AMAZING TWO-STEP SYSTEMMMMM...

CLEANSE AND MOISTURIZE: There are seven-step processes out there, but what you really need to start with, and will get a ton out of if you aren’t doing anything right now, is cleansing and moisturizing.

The science explanation for doing this: blah blah your skin generates oils from your pores in order to create a protective barrier between your flesh and the elements, but said oils can get gunky once they’ve accumulated all the particulates from the air, and there can even be backups and miscommunications and over-oilage if you have dead skin cells sitting on top of your new skin, or stuff gets all the way into your pores, blocking the system, causing breakouts. So skincare is about removing everything on top of your skin, maybe adding fancy stuff in the middle, but absolutely creating a new barrier for your skin at the end, to replace the one you took off. I liken it to varnish on a painting - it’s meant to sit on top, collect all the dust, and get removed and replaced over time. But don’t just wash your face every 20-80 years. The metaphor only goes so far. Anyway.

Here is how to get into my absolutely bare minimum regimen:

PICK A CLEANSER: If you wear/remove makeup a lot, and/or have a very oily complexion, pick an oil-based cleanser. Oil-based means it’s good at removing makeuppy things  and your natural oil. Otherwise, pick a water-based cleanser. CeraVe cleansers are available at Walgreens and they are affordable. It is available, affordable, clinically gentle on various skin types, and by god, it does indeed wash all the shit off your face.I have tried a lot of expensive water-based cleansers and I still come back to this one. That $16 pump bottle will last you a long time, too.

PICK A MOISTURIZER:  I’m back on my CeraVe shit here because if you’re overwhelmed and don’t know what to pick, I’m gonna push you to the easy-to-pay-for, easy-to-find product that won’t make you break out. And it’s got SPF! If you want to get fancier, check out some options here. I currently use Laneige moisturizers, which are at Sephora and... other places. Idk. (And to repeat my last post: if you can’t stand having things sitting on your skin, even a moisturizer that will absorb over a minute or so, Laneige Cream Skin Toner & Moisturizer essentially feels like water.)

SHOWER STEP: You have both your products. Now. Put your cleanser in your shower. When you shower, use it to wash your face. In the shower, you can splash and splash to your heart’s content. Get your neck, your cleavage, any extra places you feel have an oiliness problem. But remember them for later, because you want to moisturize all spots you cleansed. (Also, if you’ve been using soap or anything else to wash your face up until now... stop that. Cleanser is much better.)

AFTER SHOWER STEP: Dry off and pat on that moisturizer. Make sure you apply it with clean hands. Rub it in gently and make sure all cleansed areas are now moisturized.

That’s it.

No, really, that’s my advice for beginners. Two products, one done in the shower. You have to do them in order. That’s it.

If you have the spoons to do this routine twice a day, around when you get up and right before bed, you’ll get even better results. But if you’re just starting out and get anxious about new routines, don’t sweat it. Your face’s cells turn over every 30 days or so, so if you keep this up every day for about two weeks, you’ll start seeing improvements by then.

Bonus newb tips:

About once a week, use a COMPLETELY CLEAN terrycloth washcloth to apply your cleanser. Get your (gentle) scrub on. Mechanical exfoliation basically means you’re using a brush, a cloth, something physical to remove everything from your face, including things like dead skin, which gentle cleansing may not have gotten. Doing it too often isn’t helpful, as you can only build up so much stuff to remove over time, and scrubbing too hard or too frequently can lead to frightening your skin, causing redness. So once a week is likely plenty. If you like the battery-operated brushes, go for it, but they cost way more than the clean washcloth.

You will see options for chemical exfoliation too. If you identify as a newb, I don’t recommend this. Chemical exfoliations aren’t bad per se, but are one of the few skincare things that can be done wrong, and in a way that can really upset your skin. Washcloth!

Are you replacing your pillowcases on a regular basis? I try to do once a week but I probably end up with closer to two weeks. Nobody’s perfect. But remembering to do this is a very easy way to help your skin out.

If you get your cleanse-and-moisturize routine down pat, 2x a day, and you want the next step, look into toners. They help your skin absorb the moisturizer more efficiently... science reasons. The toner goes on before the moisturizer, but again, your skin should be dry before you start.

There are ampoules, essences, treatments, and other fancy names for... very specific shit. Basically, if you have a specific problem, especially in a specific area of your face, chances are there is a specific tiny expensive bottle you can integrate into the middle of your routine to help with that. But there is a lot of snake oil out there and I don’t want anybody buying these solutions if they aren’t already managing the daily wash-and-protect, because you’d be surprised how many things that can fix.

If you have problems with breakouts or other bad reactions to some skin products, do your best to only introduce one new product at a time. That way if you start having a reaction, you don’t have to guess what caused it.

No matter what is or isn’t going on with your skin, your worth is not affected one iota. Whether I have three pimples and incredible redness around my cheekbone and nose area, making me look like a character mug of a drunken sailor, or whether or my skin is the cool, poreless ivory of Grecian marble, I am still the exact same perfect bitch. And so are you.

[princessphilly]

Word count: 5627

Tag list:  @ohpuckyeah, @joelsfarabee, @besthockeyfics. @dreamer1430 @Defiant-Mouse @miracleonice87 @lovethepreds @linkingdolans @chicagostylehockey @heatherlcrosby87 @hockeywocs @shortstacks-blog @heatherawoowoo @newlibrary @markymarkstrom @iangiemae @puckbitchesgetmoney @missymore @himbos-on-ice @fiveholegoal @no-pucks-given @pagirl6866 @willieshakesqueer @nazdaddy @whatishockey @alphalib22 @romanseggy @laurenairay @texanstarslove @konecny-s @cutiesara23 @myhockeyworld87 @extratragic @squidlywiddly87 @stuff4me2do​ @allinangel93 @mydarkestsecretlol​

CW: angst, meeting the family, references to the n-word, people sucking

I decided to go ahead and finish it when I got a sudden burst of creativity when I came home.

*

Nina snuggled in bed, a happy little sigh leaving her lips. Sidney looked at her, a fond smile on his face. It had been a month since they were back together and life was almost perfect. Well, they were 6-3-2, 14 points earned which was okay but not where Sidney wanted the team to be. It was still early in the season, it was mid-November so there was plenty of time to right the ship. He and the boys would fix it. Sidney sighed before attempting to try to go back to sleep. However, he heard the sound of a door opening and he sat up, pushing the covers down inadvertently. 

Sidney racked his brain. It was Sunday, Marta, his housekeeper’s day off. Mario or Nathalie would have called before coming over. He had no idea who the hell it could be. “Fuck,” Sidney breathed. There were only two people who would do a surprise visit and one of them was a week earlier for the Moms trip. 

Lightly brushing his fingers over Nina’s side, Sidney urged, “Pretty girl, wake up.”

It was roughly 8am so it wasn’t hard to get Nina, an early riser by nature to wake up. “Urgh, mawning,” Nina mumbled as she cracked open her eyes. Sidney looked anxious and agitated which made Nina focus. 

Sidney opened his mouth, then closed it. If he was right, he was fucked and his pretty girl was probably going to run away screaming. He finally said, “Um, someone just opened the door and there are exactly five people other than me who have a key. There are two who’d do a surprise visit.”

Looking down, Nina was thankful that she had on one of Sidney’s shirts and shorts while sleeping. “Well, fuck, at least I’m not naked,” she said pointedly. Sidney had the grace to blush as Nina continued, “If it’s what you think it is, you need to get that under control,” pointing at his rather obvious morning wood. Sidney pulled the covers back over himself and Nina

Then a voice called out, “Morming, Sid!”

Sidney sighed in relief. It was Taylor, not his mom. Nina noticed it and arched an eyebrow. “Eh, it’s my sister, pretty girl.”

“Shit,” Nina fretted. This was going to be awkward, she didn’t even know if she wanted to meet his family but now, she was going to,have to. At least it was a sister.

The door creaked open and a blonde-haired head peeked in. “Boo,” Taylor said. Then her eyes perked when she saw who Sidney was with. 

Nina groaned. Her hair was in a scarf, it was obvious she slept over and fuck, fuck, fuck. A devious smile spread on Taylor’s face. “Nice to see that you finally let a girlfriend sleep in your room, Sidney.”

“Shut the fuck up, Taylor,” Sidney yelled as his little sister giggled before closing the door.

Nina facepalmed. “That was fun. Fun fun fun.”

Rolling onto her front, Nina mumbled, “I’m not ready to meet your family.”

“I’ve already met yours,” Sidney reasoned. 

“That was because Yanni was part of your Lil Penguins program. That was work related for you, doesn’t count.”

Trailing his fingers down Nina’s back, Sidney replied, “True but, it still counts. What are you doing next weekend?”

“I’m going to be in Philly for a wedding.”

Nina turned onto her left side, facing Sidney. Sidney sucked his bottom lip into his mouth before letting it go. “Don’t get any ideas.”

She slipped off the bed, pulling the scarf off her braids, letting them fall down her back. Rummaging through her clothes on the floor, Nina pulled out her bra. Pulling her shirt off, she put it on to the sound of Sidney’s groans. Nina rolled her eyes. “I’m stuck having to meet your sister because she decided to give you a surprise visit. I’m not meeting her without wearing a bra.”

“But you look so amazing without one,” Sidney replied. 

 Nina shook her head before leaving his bedroom. Making her way to the kitchen, Nina literally bumped into Taylor. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Nina gasped. 

“I’m okay,” Taylor reassured Nina, taking the moment to check out this girl that Sidney was now seeing. She wasn’t exactly what Taylor was expecting but one thing that Taylor liked about Nina was that she had kind eyes. Taylor had heard about her over the years, especially that Nina had kept rejecting Sidney. Her brother rarely heard the word no so that made Nina intriguing to her. 

Taylor offered, “Have you had breakfast yet?”

“No, and I’m hungry.”

Opening the fridge, Taylor took out the ingredients to make omelets. Nina sat at the island, a pensive look on her face. “You know, I totally didn’t expect to meet you this way. This is awkward as fuck.”

“Eh, don’t feel bad, I should have given Sid a heads up,” Taylor replied. “Plus, I’ve heard about you over the years.”

“Oh really?”

Taylor laughed as she cracked eggs. “Sidney couldn’t shut up about you. First it was he met this nice girl at work. Then, it was that you kept telling him no and he was confused. Later, he was beating himself up because he managed to fuck up before he could even ask you out. I really enjoyed that, I liked that you kept not only telling him no but when he pissed you off, you didn’t forgive him right away. I love my brother but his ego needs to get cut down sometimes.”

“True, he has a huge ego. He needs to take himself less seriously,” Nina concurred. “But it’s probably impossible to get him to do that.”

Taylor shrugged, pursing her lips. “At least he means well,” Nina added. 

Nodding, Taylor replied, “He does mean well, most of the time.”

“Already ganging up on me?”

They both laughed as Sidney entered the kitchen. “Why are you here, Taylor?”

“I went on a camping trip and I decided to be nosy and visit my big brother before heading home,” Taylor chirped. “The look on your face was worth it.”

“Hahaha. Should’ve called,” Sidney grumbled. 

Taylor quipped, “Oh, did I ruin your morning sex plans? I’m so sorry.”

Nina snorted as she laughed. Sidney gave her hurt eyes and Nina blew him a kiss. 

“Don’t worry Sid, I’m not staying long. Just enough to rest and then get back on the road,” Taylor said. 

“You drove,” Nina asked. Sidney was now standing right behind her and she could feel his hands massaging her shoulders. 

Taylor nodded as she flipped the first omelet. “You’re not what I expected, Nina. You’re way too pretty for a hockey player like my brother.”

Sidney wanted to kill his little sister as she continued to chirp him. Well, not only chirp him but ruin his planned lazy morning sex. But as he watched his sister and Nina interact playfully, Sidney could admit there was a slight good point. Taylor and Nina were hitting it off and Sidney knew that Nina would meet his family soon. This was a good sign. 

**

However, after practice four days later, Sidney was wishing his sister had never stopped by. Nina had been incredibly busy all week and Sidney knew he wouldn’t see her until next week due to her trip out of town. He was feeling extra irritable and hearing his name over the tv didn’t help. 

“So, two weeks ago, Sidney Crosby admitted that he was having relationship issues that were affecting him on the ice.”

Tanger went to change the channel on the tv in the lounge, muttering, “Fucking ESPN.”

“Shh, keep it on,” Sidney urged, crossing his arms over his chest. He wanted to see what kind of bullshit ESPN was saying now.

A couple of the guys stopped to check out the TV. Kevin Neghandi laughed as he responded, “Yeah, he admitted that after breaking a slump. Ever since, he’s been on a 2 point-per-game streak. But this really isn’t about him.”

“Huh,” said Geno, scratching his head.

Buccigross continued, “There was a picture of Crosby and his girlfriend posted on the internet, a nice picture. Someone posted it and made a derogatory statement about his girlfriend, Nina Jackson. This player is a player for Clemson.”

Neghandi laughed again. “Ms. Jackson has a younger brother named Jason Jackson. He was also the number 20 prospect, number 1, 5 star tight end. He also now plays for UNC.”

Sidney chuckled as he realized exactly where this was going. The guy on the tv continued, “Clemson and UNC had the rare Thursday night game last night. #1 Clemson went to the Tar Heels, ranked #22 and got spanked, 56-30. Jason Jackson had 10 catches, 200 yards receiving, and 3 TDs. His response in the postgame.”

The tv showed a clip of Jason talking to the media. A reporter asked, “What inspired you to have such a big game tonight.”

“Lowell decided he needed to talk about my sister on the gram so I had to put him in his place,” Jason drawled.

Sidney’s phone buzzed and it was a message from Nina. my brother is so dramatic 🙄

Nice to know he’ll always have your back, Sidney sent Nina. 

**

Nina smiled happily as she looked at the Thai food on plate. She was so hungry and excited to see Jamila face to face in person for lunch. Her friend looked more vibrant than usual, as life was treating her good. They made small talk until Jamila said, “I heard something about you, that you aren’t single for the first time in forever.”

“Oh really?”

Jamila looked at her best friend. “You’re dating Mayo boy.”

“What?!?” Perplexed, Nina stared at Jamila while Jamila rolled her eyes. 

“Sidney Crosby is like Mayo. Super white. Damn, my dating habits really did rub off on you. Welcome to being a basic bitch like me.”

It was Nina’s turn to roll her eyes. “Stop being so fucking dramatic, Jamila Brown.”

“I was an actress, I’m supposed to be dramatic. Tell Mayo boy if he ever breaks your heart, I’ll kill and cremate whatever’s left of him after your father and brother are finished with him.”

“Are you really gonna nickname him that?”

Jamila smirked at Nina and Nina sighed. Shrugging elegantly, Jamila replied, “I’m a part of Philly sports Twitter. I got lots of other names I could call him.

“Be a bigger bitch, Mila.”

“He gets a better nickname when he lets you fully run his pockets. And don’t give me that look, don’t be afraid of being called a gold digger. They are probably calling you worse names. Make Mayo boy run that card up when he takes you on baecation. Once that happens, I’ll upgrade his nickname.”

Nina sighed as she looked at the menu. Jamila reached out and put her hand out, covering Nina’s menu. “You know I’m just playing, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it now, let’s talk about Toyin’s wedding instead,” Nina murmured. 

It was Jamila’s turn to sigh. “I’m sorry, Nina. I’m sorry for being a bitch. I shouldn’t be taking out my bad mood on you. I hate men.”

“Not forgiven yet,” Nina snarked. 

Jamila looked pensive as she said, “I like this guy but I don’t want to admit I like him. He’s like too perfect, too nice, well not that nice. He actually gives a fuck.”

“Let me guess, you’re scared and about to do something super stupid,” Nina dryly replied.

Jamila gave Nina a shocked look before she slumped in her chair. “I don’t want to,” she pouted. 

Nina reasoned, “Then don’t. Just ride it out for once.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jamila replied. 

Nina shrugged as her phone buzzed. It was a message from Sid, well really just a picture of him sweaty post-practice. Nina left him on read, she would get him back later for that. “Stop being stupid, and stop self-sabotaging.”

Jamila rolled her eyes as she ate her food. After swallowing, she arched an eyebrow. “Mayo boy sent you a message?”

“Yeah, but I’m focusing on you. I’ll see him next week… and his parents.”

“This is going fast,” Jamila commented. 

Nina bit her lip before saying, “I guess he had to wait eighty-four years, I mean five years, so he’s going to take advantage while they are in town.”

“Interesting.”

Nina pointed out, “At least I’m giving my relationships a chance, unlike you.”

“Fuck you.” 

Jamila gave Nina an exaggerated nasty look as Nina quipped, “I’m strictly dickly, bitch.”

The conversation switched to safer topics. However, throughout the wedding weekend, Nina had the thought in the back of her mind that maybe things were going a bit too fast. 

**

“Well, Taylor says she likes her. I checked out her instagram account and she doesn’t even mention you. Lots of nice vacation pictures though.”

Sidney looked at his mom from across the table. Trina had a pensive look on her face. Troy raised his eyebrows before leaning back in his chair. 

Sidney reasoned, “I want you two to meet her. Give her a chance. Nina is amazing, I’m lucky that she even likes me.”

“Why wouldn’t she like you, you’re Sidney Crosby,” Trina scoffed. 

Sidney shrugged. “Nina’s a PhD student and everything. It hasn’t been easy for her either.”

“Interesting,” Trina said. 

Nina herself was feeling extra nervous. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to meet Sidney’s parents, especially after having to turn in a huge paper and part of her thesis to her advisor. But, as she shook her head and smoothed down her shirt, they were in town and she was going to try to make her best impression.

Midway through dinner, Nina began to wish she was somewhere else on this Friday night. While Troy, Sidney’s dad, seemed nice, it felt like Trina was judging every single thing she did. Every reply Trina made to Nina’s questions was in a dry voice, as if it was boring her. Nina felt a bit discouraged. Sidney obviously loved his parents but it felt like his mother didn’t like her. 

On the other hand, Trina felt like Nina was looking down on them. It seemed like she was mentioning her PhD program, her thesis, like she was too smart for them and her boy. Trina sipped her water as there was a pause. She didn’t know about this girl but at least, every time she looked at Sidney, Trina could see the stars and hearts in her eyes.

Nina looked at Sidney, her palms sweating. She didn’t know what to say as she looked down at her plate. Her appetite was gone. Sidney, himself, didn’t really notice anything as he answered his father’s questions about the beginning of the season. Then Troy turned to Nina. 

“So what do you plan to do now that you’re with Sidney,” Troy casually asked.

Nina replied, “I have about two more years left before I finish earning my PhD. I plan to continue to work and I may teach a class or two.”

“You still plan to work,” Trina asked.

Nina nodded. “Yes. I love what I do and I’m not wasting my degrees.”

“Why do you want to work?”

Nina could tell that Trina intended that question to be light but Nina could still feel the claws. She was tired of this passive-aggressive bullshit and ready to curse her out. But Nina couldn’t so she measured her words carefully. “I did four years of undergrad, three years of school for my doctors in physical therapy, and I will do four more years for my doctorate. Why would I stop working after earning my degrees?”

Trina paused; she had expected some trite, suck-up answer. But it seemed like Nina was serious. “I would think that if you were with my son, you’d rather not work.”

“I’m not built to be a housewife.” Nina laughed. “I love what I do and if I’m expected to stop for Sidney, then maybe I need to reevaluate some things.”

Trina felt like she lost control of this conversation. All she wanted was to see what kind of user her boy’s dream girl was. Now, she had the feeling that her son was going to get dumped and it was going to be her fault.

Sidney laughed. “I don’t expect you to be a housewife. You would be so bored if you were.”

Nina flashed Sidney a quick grin before adding, “Nathalie has let me know the responsibilities though. I’ve done lots of volunteer and charity work over the years so that isn’t new at all. I’m excited about the toy drive, I remember when my parents just got out of the army and cash was tight. I got my favorite doll as a kid from a toy drive.”

“That’s nice,” Trina said. Maybe this Nina girl wasn’t completely stuck up, she thought as the night continued. After a couple of hours, Nina said her goodbyes. It was getting late and she was spending the morning taking her little sister to volleyball practice. After she left, Trina let out a sigh as Sidney turned to her.

“You have to lay off on Nina, Mom.”

Trina turned to look at her son. Sidney was giving her his most serious look and she sighed. 

“I like her but I don’t know if she’s the one for you, Sid. It seems like she’s one step from leaving you,” Trina said. “I don’t see her sticking with you if things go bad.”

“Just because she plans to work?” 

Sidney gave his mother an assessing look. He knew she meant well but this wasn’t for her to decide. “This isn’t your problem.”

“Fine, I like that she has her own life. She’s not obsessed with you and she plans to be her own person,” Trina conceded. “But she’s different.”

He knew this was going to be hard, asking his mom to back off but Sidney knew he had to do it. Nina hadn’t said anything last night but Sidney could sense that she was tired of how his mother was acting. Sidney also knew that if Nina decided to cut ties, it would be completely over. Sidney started, “Compared to Nina, I’m a dumb hockey player. But what I have with her, I’ve never found with anyone else. If you have a problem with that, that’s you. But be civil to Nina.”

“Really, Sidney Patrick Crosby,” Trina said, incredulous. But the look on her son’s face was something she had never seen before. Even though she didn’t believe her son would really pick any woman over her, a voice at the back of her mind told her that if Sidney ever did, this would be the woman he’d pick over her.

**

It was Saturday night and Nina pasted another smile on her face. If Trina got snide again, Nina didn’t know if she could be nice about it. But at least they were in public. As they sat down for dinner, a couple of guys came up. Sidney and his family had perfect PR smiles but the guys stopped in front of Nina.

“Hey, aren’t you Jason Jackson’s sister?”

Nina grinned. “Yes.”

“Why did he have to have such a great game against Pitt today? He killed them,” one of the guys said.

Nina shrugged. “Pitt should play better defense.”

After the guys left, Troy asked, “your brother plays college football?”

“Yup. He was the top prospect in Pennsylvania last season. Games on tv and everything.”

“I didn’t know that,” Sidney murmured.

Nina giggled as she replied, “All you do is eat, sleep, and breathe hockey.”

Sidney blushed as everyone laughed at that statement. However, through the night, more people came by the table to give Nina props for her brother’s monster game than to try to get a glimpse of Sidney. Jason had 184 yards receiving and 2 TDs for UNC today and there was already buzz about Jason being on the fast track to the NFL. During a lull, Trina stated, “You must get asked about your brother a lot.”

“I’m used to it. Once ESPN comes to your brother’s games when he was a sophomore in high school, you have to get used to it,” Nina said with a shrug. “I’m old enough that it really doesn’t bother me.”

“How does your brother deal with it,” Sidney asked, curious as he remembered some of his early experiences with fame. 

Nina replied, “College football is a different beast than the pros. So, he’s on scholarship and his days are pretty much regimented with meetings, practice, classes, more meetings, video study. I ran track when I was in undergrad so my experience was slightly similar. Main difference is that Jase gets paid for his likeness in video games now and a percentage of any jersey sales with his name and number.”

“You ran track,” Troy asked. Unlike his wife, he felt a bit more open towards Nina. It was obvious that she didn’t need Sidney for anything and Troy could see that his son was able to relax in a way with Nina that he hadn’t been able to relax with a woman before. 

“I had a partial scholarship. I ran the 4x100 relay and the 100 meters. I didn’t have the athletic ability to race for a living but I did decent,” Nina stated, feeling a bit shy. It had been a long time since she even talked about her track career. “I was state champ my senior year and my team won silver at the Penn Relays my sophomore and junior years of college. Now, I just run to stay in shape.”

“Wow,” Sidney said, impressed. “Sounds like you loved it though.”

Nina flashed Sidney a grin. “I did, I love running. What most people forget is that you can’t just run for health, you have to run and do strength training and yoga or Pilates.” 

“Have you been to any of your brother’s games,” Troy asked. “Seems like they are doing well.”

Nina replied, “We went to the season opener. I will never go to North Carolina in August ever again if I can help it. I’m going to their game next weekend at Virginia Tech. We’ll probably go to the bowl game since my little sister will be off school that week.”

“Seems like you stay busy,” Trina mused. 

Nina couldn’t help a little glare as she managed to say without malice, “I plan my calendar in advance.”

Trina said, “That sounds good. You have a life outside of everything.”

“And I will continue to have a life outside of everything,” Nina said with a syrup-sweet smile.

**

Nina quietly washed her hands, glancing up to the mirror. Trina was looking down on her hands as she washed hers. Tentatively, Nina asked, “Are you having a good time on this trip?”

“I enjoyed the Moms’ trip,” Trina replied. 

Nina looked down at her hands as she dried them. This was so awkward and she wanted to cry. 

“Sidney Crosby is here, and so are his parents,” somebody exclaimed just outside the ladies bathroom. Trina and Nina both shared a look until another person said, “And his n-word girlfriend is here with them too.”

Nina opened her mouth but Trina put up a finger. The second person continued, “His mom doesn't look too happy with that black girl. Maybe you could get a chance, finally.”

The door opener and the two women came in, laughing. The laughter stopped when those women saw Nina and Trina. 

“You don’t have to worry about getting a chance with my son because there’s no way I’d let him be with someone like you when he’s with a lady like Nina,” Trina stated. 

The two women shared a look but Trina stared them down until they left. Nina let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “No wonder my son is always saying that it hasn’t been easy for you,” Trina offered. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they get kicked out.”

Nina sniffled as she said, “That’s the first time I’ve heard it in person. It’s usually nasty messages online. I really, really hate it. But I guess I’m going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life.”

Impulsively, Trina reached out and grabbed Nina’s hand. “From the way that my son looks at you, nasty women like those will just have to be angry forever.”

Nina giggled as they shared a look. It felt like there was a truce and she was going to take it. After Trina talked to the manager and got those women booted, Nina definitely felt like there was definitely a truce.

**

“Don’t take anything seriously. If they don’t like you, they’ll say absolutely nothing to you. If they make jokes, they like you.”

Two weeks after meeting Sid’s family, it was his turn to meet Nina’s family. The team was home for American Thanksgiving and they didn’t have a game until Friday evening this year. So Sidney was going with Nina to meet her extended family. He was feeling extra nervous and desperate to make a good impression. 

Sidney grimaced as Nina giggled. “Plus, it’s Aryanna’s birthday so they won’t be too mean. I think.”

“Anything else I need to worry about,” Sidney asked. 

Nina reached out over the console and touched Sidney’s hand. “Relax, it’s not a game. You can’t lose.”

“But, I want them-”

Cutting Sidney off, Nina said, “I know, you want them to like you. So be the dork that you are instead of faking like you aren’t a dork.”

Sidney felt a bit insulted but Nina gave him a dazzling smile. “I like it when you’re being dorky, anyway.”

**

Sidney tried hard to follow Nina’s advice. There were so many people that he couldn’t keep them all straight so he focused on making sure he remembered the names of the older people in Nina’s family. There was Mawmaw, the family matriarch, Tracey and Vernon, Nina’s parents, Aunt Tasha who baked the sweet potato pie that he was having his third slice of, Aunt Dee, Uncle Tony, and Uncle Bashir. All of the cousins kinda blurred together but Sidney figured he’d learn their names quickly. 

Overall, he felt like everything was going well. Sidney answered everyone’s questions and he guessed his answers were good since one of Nina’s older cousins told him his new nickname was White Boy. Nina had snickered while some of the younger ones giggled. Right now, Sidney was talking to Aunt Tasha. “What would it take to get you to bake me a pie of my own,” Sidney asked. 

Tasha laughed while Tracey smirked. Tracey interjected, “Oh no, Tasha gonna be bragging about this forever. ‘Guess who came to Thanksgiving and loved my sweet potato pie? Sidney Crosby loved my sweet potato pie.’ She will never shut up!”

“Don’t be mad that you can’t bake a pie as good as me, Tracey,” Tasha chided, laughing. “Nina makes a better pie than both of us but that girl don’t wanna cook.”

Tracey smirked when she saw the look on Sidney’s face. “Oh no, Tash, now this boy gonna be begging my daughter to make him a pie.”

Everyone laughed as Nina was in a different room. Mawmaw chided, “I’m happy that one of my family don’t got to be in the kitchen like that. I wish I could’ve been the same at her age.”

Sidney decided to scroll his phone as the older women began to argue. Then he felt someone tap his shoulder.

“White boy, you wanna play spades?”

Sidney looked at this cousin of Nina. He was sitting at a table with Vernon, one of her aunts, and another cousin. “No,” he replied, shaking his head. 

The cousin got a devious grin on his face. “It’s easy, you should play for Shantara, she can’t play for shit.”

Sidney’s competitive instinct told him it was a bad idea. And from the way Vernon was eyeing him, Sidney knew he was right for shaking his head. “Nope. I’ll learn by watching.”

“Nina’s white boy smart,” Aunt Tasha hollered. “You play spades and renege, boy, someone about to go for those knees.”

“Stop torturing, Sid, Deonte,” Nina scolded as she sat in Sidney’s lap. “At least wait til the second visit before hazing him over spades.”

“I like this boy, Nini. Keep him, he’s betta than that last boy you brought here, bless his heart. Didn’t know how to talk to people,” Mawmaw advised. 

Nina wanted to die as the rest of her family snickered. Holidays: the time of the year where your greatest fuckups get rehashed for shits and giggles. 

Nafis snorted. “What’s his name... it wasn’t that Ron boy, was it? Naw, it was James’s old friend, Jordan. We all knew he wasn’t shit, I mean, nothing, when he made Tommy mad.”

Nina winced as remembered that. Tommy was one of the sweetest guys and hard to rile up, but anyone who could make cousin Tommy mad was a douchebag. 

“Her pets like him. Tess curls in his lap and Steely lets him pet him,” Vernon said. 

Everyone stared at Sidney, eyes wide. Stuttering, Aunt Tasha said, “T-t-that cat and d-dog hate every damn body other than Nini and her family. I be damned.”

Mawmaw laughed.

The rest of the dinner went without incident. But at a quiet moment, Vernon pulled Sidney from the group to a quiet spot in the yard. It was late November in Western Pennsylvania so no one else was there. 

Vernon Jackson had seen more of his fair share of crap in his life. Growing up in Ward 8 of D.C., Vernon had dodged dealers, hustlers, stick-up kids, etc. to survive. His grades weren’t great so Vernon went into the army to ensure that he escaped. Through being deployed in the Gulf War then to Mogadishu, Vernon had done his best to make sure that all his children had more than he did growing up. 

Now, his sweettart, his eldest, his sweet girl, Nina was grown. She had done more than he and Tracey combined. But looking at the man he was sure his daughter was in love with, Vernon began to wonder if he made a mistake. 

Oh, it was obvious that Sidney Crosby was in love with his daughter. But the feelings of love could fade and given his history, Vernon couldn’t trust that Crosby would do the right thing. 

So as a loving father, Vernon pulled Sidney to the side. “I just wanted to ask you something important before I give my blessing to this.”

“Yes, sir,” Sidney responded. 

“You know your children will be considered Black?”

Vernon watched Sidney’s face after asking that question. Lust and infatuation was nice but this was his little girl. The last thing he wanted was his daughter hurt because she fell for someone not just clueless but maliciously clueless about race. 

Sidney quietly replied, “I know. People will see them as Black and will think the worst of them first.”

Not bad, Vernon thought. He expected a colorblind response.

Then he heard Nina call out, “Dad? Sid? We are about to cut the cake!”

Vernon and Sid both grimaced but for different reasons. Vernon because he couldn’t really have cake because of his diabetes, Sid because cake wasn’t on his meal plan. Vernon told Sidney, “before you start making plans for rings, you need to start thinking about how you are going to start speaking up about race. Think about that.”

**

Sidney kept Vernon’s words in his mind through the week. Trina had told him what happened in the bathroom that night but Nina told him that his mom had handled it for her. But as he waited for Nina to open her door, Sidney couldn’t help but think what he could do to avoid situations like that from happening for Nina. But words failed as Nina opened the door and gave him a shy smile. 

“Hi pretty girl,” Sidney drawled as he walked in, closing the door. He hung up his coat on her coat rack before sitting on Nina’s couch.

“I missed you daddy”

“Missed you, pretty girl. Did you have fun?”

Nina straddled Sid’s thigh and replied, “it was a good time even though UNC lost. The VT campus is beautiful. How was the road trip?”

Sid laughed as Nina played with his hair. “It went well but Geno got hurt. He’ll be out for two weeks.”

“That sucks.”

Sidney hummed his assent as he wrapped an arm around Nina’s waist. He missed his pretty girl and it seemed like she missed him too. They sat there together for several quiet moments before Nina whispered, “I really missed you, daddy. It’s been too long.”

Sidney gave Nina a slow smile as she began to grind on his thigh. He felt the same way as he kissed Nina, soft and slow. Then as they broke apart, the sensual haze on Nina’s face turned into horror.  “God damn it,” she muttered. 

Sidney frantically asked, “What’s wrong, baby?”

“I just felt my period show up, three days early,” Nina said, rubbing her temples. Her period was cock-blocking her after a couple weeks of no dick and she wanted to die. “I just felt cramps and as much as I’d like to slide to my knees and suck you off, it won’t happen tonight.”

Nina groaned as she closed her eyes, head down. Sidney just started to laugh. 

“Cmon, pretty girl. Let’s just watch movies tonight.”

“Movies sound good,” Nina replied, “I just refuse to watch Friends, ever.”

Sidney giggle-honked as Nina moved from straddling his thigh to curling into his lap. 

[movedtopassione-parfait]

La Squadra personal character hcs:

(WARNINGS: mentions of parental neglect, divorce, death, child abandonment)

Risotto Nero:

Risotto is a 7'0 (totally not my size kink showing) olive tan Sicilian guy, abandoned by his parents after he first opened his eyes due to his strange appearance and cared for by his grandmother. (cough cough credit to tenthgrove for the amazing story) Grew up close to his cousin since he had very few people in his life, that's why he was crushed by his death. After getting his revenge he felt like he couldn't return home, and turned to Passione instead. I feel like he's got a thick accent and deep sultry voice (much like the one from the fan made italian dub on youtube!!) His eyelashes are definately long and white, and I feel like he has many brown sun spots like I do! He often bumps his head on door frames, tells a dark joke but nobody knows it's a joke so they just think he's incredibly fucked up, and when he gets into a car you can see it shift from his weight. Has no preference for tea or coffee, he will drink what's available to him. His hands? Big and rough, they're scarred all over and he wears silver rings. Has a few piercings like snake bites and an eyebrow ring. Dick piercings. His favorite food is pasta alla norma.

Prosciutto:

Prosciutto is from Florence, he grew up with his parents there for a bit before moving to Palermo with his mom after they divorced. His favorite memory of growing up is staring down at baby Pesci in his crib. He's 30 years old, 5'9, and has an overbite + tooth gap. His voice is somewhat deep and has an accent, but not as thick as Risotto's. Has a terrible habit of blowing cigar smoke into people's faces, spitting while yelling, and taking way too long styling his hair in that weird triple bun style. Is more of a coffee drinker than tea, he enjoys a good black coffee or an espresso. His hands are very pretty, like slim yet thick fingers and soft to the touch because he moisturizes them with the finest lotions and creams. Sometimes he likes to wear a corset in the privacy of his room, he thinks they're extremely beautiful and he has a collection of really detailed ones. His favorite food is bistecca alla fiorentina.

Pesci:

Is Prosciutto's half brother related by their mother. Pesci is from Palermo, and grew up with no father figure since he left and was no where to be found after he was born, Prosciutto made sure to be a big brother figure to him because of that, their relationship is unbreakable since they only had each other from the start. He's 22 years old, 6'0 and has a blotchy birth mark on his cheek. His voice is neutral, neither high nor deep, but he does have an accent slightly stronger than his brother. Has a habit of chewing on the inside of his cheek when nervous, tapping his feet on the ground, and let's people talk over him even though he hates it (my boy is socially anxious). Prefers tea over coffee, coffee upsets his stomach. His hands are large and slightly calloused on the palms, but very warm and pleasant to feel. Wears dark green lipstick because Prosciutto said he needed something "striking" about his look. His favorite food is caponata.

Ghiaccio:

Ghiaccio grew up as a troubled teen in Naples, often getting into fights at school which caused his grades to fall unfortunately. His parents were neglectful, constantly screaming at him until they eventually kicked him out when he was 19. He tried his best to survive on the streets for years having no where else to turn, barely living in some run down dingy apartment. Risotto found him in an alleyway when he was 25. He's decently tall, standing at 5'10. He has a habit of falling alseep in random places such as the couch or backseat of the car, yelling and ranting about things he barely finds himself caring about, and using up all of the hot water in the shower. Prefers coffee over tea, he likes the caffeine boost which is why he has a slight addiction to red bull energy drinks (if you look in his trash can you'll see cans piled up.) His voice is actually pretty high compared to his teammates, which is why some people (Illuso and Formaggio) call him "Screacher." Hands are medium sized, his skin is slightly rough on the knuckles and finger tips, and feel chilly to the touch. Has a stash of identical glasses in his rooms incase they break on a mission. His favorite food is frutti di mare.

Melone:

Melone is from Florence as well. His parents were also extremely neglectful, but he never picked up on it while growing up. Some of his odd natures like being clingy & touchy, come from lack of attention as a child, he just wants love and a family deep down. He's 5'7 and his eye covered by hair has foggy vision. Has a bad habit of not knocking on people's door/making his presence known before entering people's rooms, working late at night, shouting "Di Molto!" at inappropriate times. Loves tea way more than coffee because of some of the weird health benefits they have. His voice is light and a bit feminine (much like Enmu from Kimetsu No Yaiba). Another one with very pretty hands, slim fingers with well cared for nails, also soft and supple skin. Enjoys cross-dressing very much, not just in the privacy of his own room but anywhere, he'll even dress feminine to lure in targets at clubs and casinos. His favorite food is zeppole.

Illuso:

Illuso grew up in Padua, right near Venezia. His mother was not in the picture so it was just him and his father, until one day when he returned home his father never came back. He already knew his father was wrapped up into organized crime, it was only a matter of time this happened. Inside he blames himself, thought there was nothing he could do to prevent what happened. He covers his grief up with a cocky and egotistical facade to protect his own feelings, but really he just wants someone to give him affection. He's one of the tallest members of the group, being 6'3. He prefers tea over coffee, because he doesn't like the bitterness of it. Has a bad habit of passing through ANYBODY'S mirrors including the bathroom ones, acting like he's superior, and leaving lights on in rooms accidentally. His voice is quite smooth and pleasing on the ears but not actually that deep. His hands are average sized, thick fingers but smooth skin since he also used lotion. Likes to paint his nails, not just black but any color he feels like. Hot pink? Sure why not, fuck it. He likes the sparkly colors too. His favorite food is calamari.

Formaggio:

Formaggio grew up in Padua just like Illuso, with his father in the house. His mother on the other hand, was always out clubbing or partying. Unlike the others, his father was actually a pretty decent influence on him, teaching him the important things in life were the people around you. Because of his father's lessons, he cares for his team like brothers and is always trying to lighten the air by cracking a joke. He's 5'11 and has more freckles and sunspots than the rest since he used to be outside constantly as a child and teen. Has a bad habit of leaning one of his arms on everything next to him (including people), talking with his mouth full, and leaving beer cans everywhere. Doesn't have a preference for coffee or tea since he barely drinks either unless it's coffee in the morning sometimes. His voice is deep, lazy and slow, though its a bit rough when he laughs you could still probably fall asleep listening to him talk. Rough hands, calloused on the palms a bit, as well as a few burn scars on them. Secretly likes to watch soap operas and telenovelas, he'll tell you it's "lame and unmanly" but you'll still catch him crying on the couch eating a pint of ice cream because he was watching the series finale of Rosalinda. His favorite food is rigatoni specifically with red sauce.

no sorlato today guys 😔 but I will be writing theirs in the future, I hope you guys enjoyed this since it's my longest writing I've done yet!! Illuso and Formaggio have the same hometown because they were childhood buddies change my mind.

[bathemeinsilk]

y/n female reader x tate langdon ahs murder house

age: 16

show: american horror story s.1

song: panama- sports

year: 1989

you had just woken up to the sound of your annoying alarm tone. as you turn over on your side you look at the clock to see that it's 5:00 am on a sunday. although upset about the time you're still over joyed to see that you don't have to drag yourself into school today.

as you step on the balcony to have your usual stolen cigarette and coffee you take notice to how nice the weather was, it was only september 14th and due to the climate where you live it won't be getting cold until around another week. as you put your cigarette out onto the ashtray you turn on your radio and start changing out of the clothes you had been wearing previous.

you had always been a loner the few friends you did have slowly had disappeared in your life either moving away or leaving you by yourself. you had fallen into a depressing pit of drinking, smoking, and ignoring your responsibilities. your own parents had told you that you're boring and a disappointment. now they just don't care as long as you don't talk to them.

you pulled a black bikini over your pale and pasty skin, then continued to pull over a sweatshirt and shorts in case anyone saw you. you looked over to the clock and it was only 5:30. you proceeded to walk into your kitchen and make yourself a piece of toast coated with almond butter and pack it in your backpack.

you slipped on your converse and walked out of your house into the back yard than you followed a trail that lead to your favorite spot, the small patch of lake you call your own. the trail lead onto a an old abandoned railroad and then you just continued straight into the remote wilderness for 20 minutes and then you're there.

you set your things down on a large flat stone and start to undress. once your sweatshirt is off your start to feel someone's eyes on you. you turn and look to all of your sides but see nothing. you shrug to yourself and hesitate before slipping your shorts off of your legs and pulling the sweatshirt off of your torso. now covered in goosebumps.

you start to walk into the lake whilst visibly shaking which you had always done when you became anxious and paranoid, which was often. but besides that the water was cold than expected, and you knew you had to get used to it. right before you fully emerged yourself you heard a branch snap you whipped around and you were frightened to see somewhat of a hot teenage boy there.

"h-h-hi," he stuttered "i was just going on a walk and i saw you down here and i wanted to say hi and i probably shouldn't have come this is so stupid and creepy, i'm sorry!" he says with incredible speed. "stupid." he says in a low voice to himself as he hits his head repetitively.

"it's fine! um don't worry about it, uh um my name is y/n." you say awkwardly while being obviously uncomfortable. a moment passes. "so, what's your name?" you say while trying to smile which you didn't do often.

"oh yeah, um sorry" he says sounding anxious "my name is t-t-tate." he stutters.

"it's fine, don't stress." you question your next words not knowing what to say. "do you want to um, join me?" you then realize how insane you sound you barely know him and you're asking him to swim with you?

"yeah actually that'd be nice." tate smiles, and proceeds to comb back his hair with his fingers. "but i don't have a swimsuit, so..." he blushes.

you turn an unexpected shade of crimson red. "o-oh," you stutter suddenly an uncontrollable awkward mess. "that's um, okay as long as uh- you're okay with it i don't really mind very much." you realized how terribly awkward you sound and automatically regret everything you had just said.

"okay, yeah i don't care at all. are you okay?" tate smirks and gives you a slight giggle. "because if it makes you uncomfortable i don't have to do anything..." he winks.

"oh no! it's really uh fine if you want to then yeah you can- i'm sorry i'm such an idiot." you replied flustered. "it's basically your bathing suit bottoms anyways.."

"okay, you sure?"

"yes"

"i have some music if you want?" tate said before taking off his shirt.

"oh yeah that'd be awesome!" you said trying your best to 'glow' or whatnot.

"cool" tate responded while turning to his bag and pulling out an old radio. he popped a cassette in and music started to play. you soon recognized the song, it was "come as you are" by nirvana. one of your favorites.

"hey i love this s-s-song" you stutter as tate takes off his shirt relieving his slim athletic build.

"nirvana is an awesome band." he replies as he takes off his pants. you automatically blush not knowing how to act in this type of situation considering nothing interesting or at least nothing like this ever happens to you.

after you had gone back to blushing he turns crimson and you soon realize there's nothing to be scared about because it's obvious he's never in these type of situations either. you smile at him trying to ease him up a bit.

"come in the water's nice" you beam.

"oh, yeah." he says slowly. "okay, you look really nice by the way. do you live around here?"

"yeah about 3/4 of a mile away, do you?" you say, less awkwardly now.

"yes, i live like a mile away too. i just moved here and i'm starting school on monday, i'm glad i'll know one person there." he smiles now completely in the water. (other than his head of course.)

“i’m glad i’ll finally have someone to talk too.” you stated and continued to dip your head underneath the cold pool of water.

[lilchibi-chan]

Hi! This is a really specific request, but could you write a headcanon about Tsuki being a detective and having a love-hate relationship with his partner (reader)? Thank you🧡

Of course ☺️ Sorry this took so long to come out btw. I really wanted to come up with something good, so I hope you enjoy 💖

Detective Tsukishima x Reader

You and Tsuki have been partners for a little over a year now and you have grown as friends. He does have his moments where you just wanna hit him over the head and knock the smug look off his face, but you wouldn’t change anything about him. He’s a good cop and even better partner despite his flaws as a person. You know that it’s all a cover up for his true emotions, but you don’t push him to talk if he doesn’t want to. You allow him to open up on his own which he quite likes.

He likes to tease you every now and then because this man is a giant. He’ll call you pipsqueak, short stack and the classic shorty and short stuff. He’ll even do the cliche arm on the head thing to use you as an arm rest.

‘Stupid Bean Pole’ is all you think when things like this happen and you sucker punch him in his stomach, pinch his armpit or just wait to get him when he’s not expecting it.

You and Tsuki are currently working a case where you have to stake out a person of interest’s residence. Watching when they leave, return and if there’s any strange behaviors or if the person you’re actually looking for contacts them/goes by their place of living.

It was pretty late and you could tell Tsuki was getting tired.

“Hey Tsuki, why don’t you take a nap? I’m wide awake, so I can keep watch. If I feel tired I’ll just wake you up,” you say, smiling softly

He didn’t have the energy to fight with you, so he just nodded his head and slouched into the seat of the car.

A few hours pass and nothing happens. That was how it was for the past few nights, you had been on watch together.

You glance over at Tsukishima and can’t help but notice how peaceful he looks. This causes a small laugh to escape your mouth.

As you continue to admire his features, you actually acknowledge how handsome he is when he’s not trying to pick a fight with you or when he’s a cocky bastard.

Tsuki stirs a little in his sleep, snapping you out of your trance.

‘So cute,” you think to yourself and start smiling

He started to mumble something in his sleep and you were shocked to hear what he said.

“Y/N,” he says in a sleepy voice

‘He’s dreaming about me?!’ you think to yourself

He starts smiling and you smile as well.

“It must be something pleasant if he’s smiling so hard,” you accidentally say out loud, then covering your mouth hoping you didn’t wake him

You look over at him and he’s still in a deep sleep.

Ten minutes later he wakes up and looks over at you.

“Good morning sunshine,” you say in a soft voice

He smiles and lets out a small laugh

“Morning” he says groggily

It’s quiet again and your brain keeps running wild with the thought of what his dream was about.

“H-hey Tsuki,” you say nervously

“Hm,” he says in response, while eyeing the house

“What-What were you dreaming about? Y-you said my name softly, b-but I still heard you say it a-and you were smiling, sort of?”

He senses how anxious you are and decides he wants to have a little fun.

“Well Y/N, if you must know,” he says closing the space between you,“I dreamt that you and I...went on a date,” he says smirking

A blush forms on your cheeks and your ears get hot. Secretly, you have feelings for Tsuki and you wanna tell him, but you feel like he would probably laugh in your face or call you names.

“R-really?” You ask, struggling to speak because the very little space that he’s put between the both of you

“Yeah and it was quite pleasant. You were actually... tolerable,” he says causing you to roll your eyes

You lightly push him

“Same old Tsuki” you say, obviously annoyed

“What? You wanna make it a reality or something,” he says eyeing you

“N-no,” you say with shakiness in your voice

He gets close to you again

“You sure about that, pipsqueak”

“Tsuki, I swear to god if you’re playi-“

“Oh, I’m seriously asking little one. Do you want to make the date a reality,” he asks, an eyebrow slightly raised

“I-I w-wouldn’t b-be opposed,” you say, twittling your fingers

“Stop fidgeting,” he says grabbing your hands

“Listen pipsqueak, I wouldn’t mess with you so much if I didn’t find you incredibly cute when you’re upset and when you fight back, it’s hot. I like that about you. You don’t back down, even if I am out of your reach,” he says with a laugh

You punch his arm

“Ouch, little one. Maybe I take asking you out back,” he says rubbing his arm

“N-no,” you say almost sad

He smiles

“Don’t worry,” he says rubbing your head,“I like more than to just cancel cause you hit me. I suffered worse bruises practicing for volleyball matches”

You turn to face the house and bite your lip

“Yes” you say after a while

“Huh,” he asks slightly confused

“Yes. I want to make the date a reality”

“Okay then,” he says smiling,“I’ll pick you up around 7:30 on Saturday night. Dress casual, but nice”

“Okay,” you say softly and smile to yourself

The rest of the night, it’s quiet. It’s a comfortable silence and you don’t mind spending it with Tsuki. Even if he does get in your nerves and know what buttons to push.

You couldn’t ask for a better partner and you don’t want another. People may think your partner dynamic is weird, but it works for you guys and that’s all that matters.

I hope you enjoyed the headcanon and again I’m super sorry about how late it is!! 😣😣

[ao3-sucks]

An Archive of Someone’s Own: my experiences being groomed in fandom circles on AO3

TW: Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, mentions of incest and rape.

I used to be a big writer of fanfiction. It was the logical choice for me. I loved to write and create bold and immersive worlds, and I craved an audience who would enjoy my work as much as I did. Since my writing wasn’t actually good, I needed a community of other amateurs who wouldn’t mind that, and by tweaking my characters and settings into ones from canonical media, I got the audience I so craved.

I started writing fanfiction online when I was 14, posting initially on FanFiction.net and then moving to AO3 a few months later. As I got back into writing original fiction towards the end of high school, I lost interest in this community, and it’s been a long time since I posted anything much on AO3.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I display a lot of symptoms of CSA, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. Throughout my teen years, I refused to get changed or bathe when anyone was even vaguely nearby, constantly paranoid about being spied on; I developed a severe touch phobia, and would have frequent panic attacks from something as small as brushing arms with a passerby; I resolutely identified as asexual and refused to get into anything resembling a relationship with others because the very concept disgusted and repulsed me.

Weird, considering I had grown up pretty normal and all of these symptoms had started around my early teens. It was only when I told my friends about my friendship with a 30 year old I had met online that the pieces started falling into place for me.

Child grooming is usually discussed in the context of one adult going out of their way to befriend a child with the goal of lowering their resistance to sexual abuse, through normalisation and friendliness. I’d like to talk about how that worked on the fanfiction website AO3. Since it’s an open website and most communication takes place between anonymous users or accounts in the comments section of a work, there is very little delineation between spaces for adults to discuss whatever dark topics they like and spaces for kids to do the same.

This frequently leads to pretty inappropriate conversations between people of widely varying ages and life experiences, which is how I ended up talking sex as a fourteen year old with people ranging from a couple of years older than me, who were generally okay, to more than twice my age. The 30 year old in question listed on her profile how many pedophilic ships she loved, and she knew my age but pushed me to keep discussing sexual topics with her. Sounds like a red flag, yeah? Well. I was 14, and very stupid.

This 30 year old woman, who I will call Aku (because it’s similar to her screen name and because it’s funny to name her after the bad guy from Samurai Jack) would start conversations with me whenever I posted anything to AO3 and would refuse to take no for an answer when I tried to back out of conversations with her, and since these conversations were public and occurring within comments, I didn’t want to be rude to her since this was taking place on content I was trying to promote.

I told her my age multiple times and she would either pretend she forgot from last time (saying her memory is super bad) or continue as though it was just trivia about me and not a sign she shouldn’t have been pushing me. My primary objection to what she would say to me (since most of it was just her being annoying) was her insistence on sexualising everything I wrote, and her determination to push me into writing pornographic content, which I eventually gave in to.

Yes, she was a terrible person. She emailed me using her personal email address, so I know her full name and place of residence, because she’s an idiot. These emails also contain sexually explicit materials. Nothing much ever happened between us except for these very creepy interactions and the fact we remained online friends for a few years. But here’s the thing: she wasn’t the only person pushing me into creating sexual content. Lots of people would comment on my writing demanding that I show explicit sexual content when I really didn’t want to.

After a while it felt like I couldn’t write a longer, romantic fanfiction without including explicit sexual content. Like my work wasn’t valid without it. Other, more popular writers were usually sexual in their content, and I wanted to be like them and bring in the views, right? So, when I look at my back catalog of works, I can see how my content moved from completely non-sexual to featuring sexual content over time, and the views usually came with. In this way, I was in an environment that was encouraging me on many levels to sexualise my own work, which impacted the way I thought about my creative process.

Here’s another example I remember. When I was a young sprout, I remember reading down someone’s list of fanfiction recommendations and seeing a work called Hug Therapy, which I promptly read. While the work is marked as explicit and containing the Loki/Thor pairing, the use of relationship and rating tags on AO3 is so poorly regulated that it didn’t really mean anything to me to see either of those. People tag hardcore material as non-explicit and tag friendships as relationships, because there’s no motivation to tag properly. Plus, someone I followed here on Tumblr had recommended it to me.

Now, you wouldn’t know from the listing, but while this piece starts out as comedy, it turns out in the end to include rape, incest, and BDSM in very explicit terms. The fact it was tagged as being explicit didn’t slow me down, because the liberal use of these tags could mean that an explicit tag was just there because sexual content was implied or mentioned, which I thought would be the case based on the rest of the listing. Out of curiosity, I recently tried to report this work to the moderators for containing no warnings about incest or rape, and I got this in response:

“Selecting “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” satisfies a creator’s obligation under the warnings policy. Users who wish to avoid specific elements entirely should not access fanworks marked with “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings”. Our Terms of Service note: “You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled. ….. This decision is in accordance with our policy of maximum inclusiveness; we have therefore closed this case and will not be investigating further.”

Which, yeah, I guess. The frustration comes from how ‘Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings’ is an extremely commonly used tag, and most things that it’s used on are totally harmless.

This fanfiction, which I was recommended by a friend, is hugely popular, in the top 60 most read fanfictions in the entire fandom. You wanna hear the kicker? The author, Astolat, is one of the founders of AO3. They’re not just some random author who isn’t following the rules. They’re a creator of the whole website, and they made the rules. This is pretty telling about how seriously the website actually takes protecting their users.

My final example I want to give is one of fetish content. People in fetish communities generally (not always) say that fetishes are probably something one should work up to after the onset of sexual activity, especially potentially harmful stuff like BDSM. In the circles I was running in, if you weren’t sporting a fetish or two (no matter your age) you were a boring bitch.

Maybe this isn’t true of everywhere in the fanfiction community, but I used to feel that bizarre pressure until I got out. Bear in mind that my main time in this community was from ages 14 to 17. I never made my age a secret, either. I told people outright I was that age, I was in high school, I was playing hockey and studying The Great Gatsby when I wasn’t online.

Since I was in the Avengers fandom and I liked Loki and the Asgardians, I was frequently exposed to incestuous content between Loki and Thor, and a lot of it came out of nowhere or was poorly tagged. This was considered the norm, and while I at first felt completely horrified and repulsed, within a year or two I no longer gave a shit. It’s only in the last few years as I’ve begun to unpack everything that I’ve started to get that strong revulsion reaction to incestuous content.

In the circles I was in, it was relentlessly normal. Normal to the point that people who disliked it were usually shouted down. Even to this day, debate rages on in fandom spaces about whether or not content like this normalises this kind of abuse. In my own personal experience, which I don’t usually like to talk about, it absolutely does.

In real life, this normalisation started to have serious consequences for my mental health and interpersonal relationships. In fanfiction, any occasion when you are alone with someone could become sexual, any familial relationship is possibly sexual, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I became incredibly anxious around male family members for fear of being sexually assaulted, and my OCD, which I had been developing since I was a child, turned from thoughts of physical violence to thoughts of graphically sexually assaulted by anyone and everyone around me.

My fear of being touched got to the point where I would have panic attacks if anyone came anywhere close to touching me. I quit sports, fucked up my romantic relationships, and didn’t hug anyone, not even members of my family, for years. All the while, I had bought my first laptop and was consuming more fanfiction than ever before. I struggled with my sexuality growing up, as I am bisexual, and while fanfiction provided LGBT content to help me, the content was frequently so disturbing that I viewed any expression of sexuality as something evil and predatory.

The community on AO3, whether you like it or not, is often sexual, and provides no barriers between the casual user looking for content and extremely intense fetish material. It’s sometimes called the Pornhub of fanfiction, but considering the wide range of people who use it, it’s more like if you opened Youtube and saw niche hardcore fetish videos just on the front page, recommended and trending.

Sure, you have to click a little button to confirm you’re 18 before you can actually read a story, but the tags and descriptions of readily available works can be extremely explicit. Fanfiction also brings you into close contact with fellow readers and the author, and encourages you to become a content creator, which in some ways makes it more dangerous.

I was affected much more strongly by what I saw than most people would be, because I was already treading shaky ground. But I’m also not the only person out there who has been hurt in this way. Most of my friends who grew up in fandom can report the impact that fanfiction culture had on them. One of my friends from high school knew a panoply of porn terms at age 14 or so due to reading fanfiction, and another of my other friends at high school almost exclusively read rape porn because it was her favourite. I didn’t have friends who watched porn; I had friends who read fanfiction. These are just as troubling to me as any other accounts of young people consuming visual porn from a very early age.

It’s frequently cited that fanfiction gives minority groups the opportunity for creative outlet. It was a great place for me to cut my teeth as a content creator, and a source of acceptance and kindness when times were tough. Fanfiction communities have historically been the domain of women and minorities, and create a space for these people to tell their own stories.

It’s largely because of this that fanfiction communities fear censorship and strict moderation, as they have been attacked in the past on homophobic or misogynistic grounds, resulting in mass deletions of works or the shutdown of websites. But there must be some middle ground between total censorship and the kind of free rein that puts vulnerable people in danger, and I strongly encourage the board of AO3 to seek this middle ground out.

But it’s the community itself that needs to shape up; AO3 is, after all, a community-led website built by fans for fans, so the fact that this website has such issues is a reflection of the issues that run deeply within the people who created it. Aku didn’t talk to me with the intention of doing me harm, or so I believe at this time, and she didn’t pursue me as a lone wolf or in isolation.

She was simply a particularly brazen member of a community that was used to having inappropriate conversations with young people and sexualising everything they did. Even people my own age were jokingly pushing me into discussing and consuming extremely sexual content. It was just normal. That’s what I want to say here. Inside the world of fandom on AO3, the grooming of children with sexual content is normal. And that’s scary.

- Mod Daft

[anakinthetrashking]

BnHA One-Shot Fic Recs (pt2)

 I AM HERE! With more recs for you! The last post was all about DadMight, such a beautiful genre *wipes tear from eye* This time its DADZAWA! if you happen to follow me, you might know that i really really(really) love Aizawa. a lot. So im going to try to keep this to only 10 recs, but,, well,,,, we’ll see anyway leTS GO

Aches and Pains by Badwolf36 Rating: G     Category: Gen     ~2700 words Summary: In which Izuku isn't willing to admit how much pain he's in, and Mr. Aizawa is just as much of a softie for his students as he always is. I’m always SO WEAK to stories that deal with the very real consequences of breaking all of your bones. Poor Izuku. I enjoyed the details of how he’s feeling, the way that the reader’s awareness of his pain waxes and wanes along with Izuku’s (temporary distractions can only do so much, A+ for realism there). Also, soft Dadzawa while not mushy-ooc-Aizawa! Conclusion: I love this and also want Aizawa to make me hot cocoa when there’s storms and i cant sleep!! (sidenote, everytime i see this username my brain shorts out bc my old ff.net account was also Badwolf## lol)

My Neighbor Shouta-ro by Hound_of_Heaven Rating: G     Category: Gen     ~2,700 words Summary: Yamada Hizashi, on Christmas Eve of the year he turns 19, jokingly presents Aizawa Shouta, also 19, with a Totoro kigurumi. Everything that follows after is pure chance. Heeeeeeeeeck this is ADORABLE. I- You guys- this is so pure and so precious and so!! go read it, i died. such fluff.

constrained by my own mind (im not fine) by CamsthiSky (tumblr: @camsthisky ) Rating: G     Category: Gen     ~1,500 words Summary: Midoriya Izuku is a problem child, and for some reason, Aizawa Shouta cares too much to let him fend for himself when the kid is obviously dealing with something First of all this is written by one of my fav Batfam writers!!! I was so hype when i saw this posted and OF COURSE IT WAS JUST AS WONDERFUL IF NOT MORE SO THAN I EXPECTED!!!! A+++++ in character for both Izuku and Aizawa. Izuku is jumpy and anxious and stressed and i love it. That the way Izuku started out, and while i am eternally happy at how much his life and social reactions have already changed, stuff like that doesnt just disappear in even a year, so I love fics that address that and expound on all the progress that he would have to make behind the scenes. and having Aizawa as the catalyst to begin getting actual help? *chef’s kiss* This checks boxes and then proceeds to cover the page in checkmarks LOL

remember from here on in by aloneintherain (tumblr: @captainkirkk ) Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~8000 words warning: spoiler heavy from manga chp 215 Summary: Aizawa glances from All Might to Midoriya quickly. It sounds impossible—he’s never heard of a quirk that can be handed down like a family heirloom—but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Midoriya’s inability to use his quirk at the start of the year. The strange, familial relationship between All Might and Midoriya. The slow malnourishment of All Might’s body, like his power was being siphoned away. “You’re …” Aizawa begins.“I’m All Might’s successor.” Midoriya’s proud but shaky voice rings clearly down the empty corridor. Aizawa finds out about One for All. Awwwwwwww yiiiiiiiissssssssss!!!!! reveal fic!!!! one of my all time fav tropes!!! Plus it expounds on some future theorys/possibilities(Spoilers!!!) and you get some great interactions between Izuku and Shinsou, and plenty of opportunities taken to wear out our already worn out catepillar-sensei. poor guy needs a break but would do anything for these kids. Incredible characterization, great feels!!

Those Hardest to Love Need it Most by DancingintheStorm Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~8,200 words Summary: Shouta gripped the phone tight enough to make the phone case groan. “So it’s true. Midoriya was Quirkless.”“Until soon before the entrance exam,” Nedzu confirmed. “That’s not relevant now, though, because—““Relevant?” Shouta hissed. “Midoriya is barely functional, socially. He doesn’t trust any adult. He thinks the whole world hates him. He apologizes for everything except breaking the law, and I’m sure I can trace every single one of those things back to his Quirklessness. You call that irrelevant?”  Aizawa visits Aldera Junior High and finds out some disturbing truths. Yes. Just. Yes. Righteous anger abounds, local anxiety-child is told for the first time that his life has worth, more at 10 (I LOVE THIS ONEEE)

The Gaunlet and friendships and how memes tie the two together by averypassionateperson Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~3,500 words Summary: Shinsou walks into his first day in the Hero Course hoping to get politely ignored. He walks out having gotten into a sanctioned fistfight with the entire Bakusquad and a whole lot of new friendships. Also, memes are responsible for most of this. This fic is SOOOOOOOOO much fun. Always sure to bring a smile and honestly all I could want from a fic about Shinsou’s first day in 1A!!!

like light through a window by achievingelysium   (tumblr: @queenangst ) Rating: T     Category: Gen     1,139 words Summary: The first time Shouta sees what Hagakure looks like, it’s because she’s covered in blood. Coming from one of the best Dadzawa writers around, is a delightfully haunting fic centered on Hagakure!! The Dazawa is of course, spot on, the premise makes your heart ache as it plays out like a movie in your mind. So smooth to read, while so emotionally painful. Ouch. It is a fic with imagery that has stuck in my mind like a plant with deep roots, bc i keep thinking about it despite my too-much-fanfic-reading-adhd-muddled-brain. I feel like i had more to say but tumglr erased the paragraph i had originally written. D:   (side note, as i am keeping these posts to 10 fics... this fic came from her series of 30 min fics which you can find here on tumblr ao3  its an absolute goldmine of one-shots, go check it out)

a frozen pond, dark and deep by walking_through_autumn Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~3,800 words Summary: In the aftermath of Endeavour's battle against High End, Aizawa escorts Todoroki to his home for special leave, and they have a conversation that has been long in the making. (Or: Over two car rides and the mystery known as bubble tea, Aizawa divulges information, Todoroki returns the favour, and trust is built over unexpected similarities.) This fic felt just as quiet as the two characters it surrounds, which was really nice. Even deep emotional grieving can be quiet, since everyone feels things and reacts to things differently. It was a brilliant way to chip away at these character’s walls to let light shine through without creating an earthquake event to destroy the walls completely, you know? and it works off of canon so well. ah yes seeing the process of Aizawa realizing that hes has adopted another child is my fav    anyhow i enjoyed it very much!

but still my heart is heavy (with the hate of some other man’s beliefs) by honeyandsunshine Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~3,500 words Summary: Nemuri jerks a thumb to the side window, presumably the one with the best view of the front gates. When Shouta looks, a small crowd, all of which he can recognize from his class, are gathered around a sleazy looking man with a camera and a microphone. Half their quirks are activated. Bakugou and Todoroki are smoking. From the bushes nearby, a rather enraged stag emerges. As he gets up, Shouta just hopes they haven’t already killed him. Or:Class 1-A defends their own. Aizawa suffers, but looks after them anyways. I love how this doesn’t go the way you expect it to. and how much Aizawa loves and trusts his class full of gremlin heroes. The Dadzawa is so soft, his logic is sound, my heart aches, and i kinda want to cry. really, really, really great you guys

bend, don’t break by heyhamlet (tumblr: @hey-hamlet ) Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~4,100 words Summary: It started, as it always seemed to, on what was supposed to be a pleasant day. ---A Christmas shopping attempt gone wrong, Aizawa and Midoriya have to survive a strange nightmare quirk, all while trying to work out how to get out of there alive. Aizawa is injured, Midoriya is panicked. It's less a question of what could go wrong, but more what could go right. Another fic that has not left my soul since i read it. Some of it is truly terrifying in a way that I hope never haunts my own nightmares. and honestly isnt that reason enough to read it? While near death experiences bond people together well, nothing beats being trapped with someone in a nightmare that is feeding off of your deepest fears! If Aizawa wasn’t considering adoption before, he certainly is now. Found family before the monster finds you...0.o go read it, its a treat from another top notch writer!

well, thats 10! the next post will probably be misc. bnha one-shots. Enjoy and don’t forget to give the writers your souls love and comments!

[for-ests]

Suprisingly Soft: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

hellooo :) here’s my part for the monthly fic exchange event! this is for @keimoons​ , my matchup partner!! i hope you enjoy bb <3

(I never write for tsukishima so take this as a blessing for all you tsukki stans)  

word count: 3, 022 warnings: none! pure fluff 

"BIG NEWS!!!" Hinata's boisterous voice echoed as soon as he entered the gymnasium. He stood confidently at the entrance, with hands on his hips and a gigantic grin on his face. "I brought a pretty foreign girl!"

All the boys turned at his call, surprised at the words that were bellowing from his mouth. "A pretty girl?" Nishinoya immediately stood up taller.

Hinata nodded furiously. "She's from (Y/C) and used to play volleyball! I told her she could come watch our practice, she's super PRETTY AND NICE-"

"Breathe Hinata..." Daichi chuckled nervously and set a comforting hand on the first year's shoulder.

"Sorry," The ball of sunshine inhaled deeply. "I said she could come watch our practice! I hope that is okay with you captain." He bowed at a strict ninety degree angle. "I should have asked first!"

"There's no reason to be sorry!" Daichi assured with a frantic expression in hopes that he would stop apologizing, especially before the girl or the coach waltzed in. "It's fine, just don't let her distract you from practice or the whole team will run laps, and that goes for everyone." The captain turned to the rest of the boys.

Off to the side, Tsukishima grunted and fixed his glasses. "How pathetic to get so worked up over a girl." He whispered under his breath, just audible enough to be overheard by the overly-excited ginger. “Who cares.” 

"That's rude!" Hinata whined loudly but was soon occupied by Tanaka's cheering and the many swear words that were streaming from Kageyama's mouth. Playful banter was passed between the teammates, and like usual, Tsukishima stood off to the side and tried to ignore them. 

Everyone on this team is crazy. Tsukishima thought to himself. Just the mention of a girl and they all lose focus.

He was about to start passing with Yamaguchi, but immediately turned at the sound of a strangely angelic voice.

"Hellooo!” You burst through the doors, panting heavily and gripping to the door for support. It was obvious that you were pretending to be out of breath from the slight smirk that he could hint upon your lips. "S-sorry, Hinata..."

"Ehh??Y/N??" Hinata immediately dropped the volleyball he was holding and ran to your side. "What happened?"

"You told me to be here at...3:30..." You explained, pointing to the clock and almost choking from your ‘hardcore sprint’ across the school grounds. 

"Y/N... I didn't mean it for you, I meant it for me!" He patted your back and helped you stand back up with caution. "Do you need some water?"

"P-please..." You gasped over dramatically, beginning to laugh as you caught glimpse of his mortified expression. 

"SOMEONE HELP HER!" Tanaka screamed, frantically searching the gym floor for the nearest abandoned water bottle. And of course, Tsukishima had just picked his up, about to take a sip when it was snatched out of his hands. 

"Tsukishima! Give me that!" Nishinoya grabbed it before Tanaka could and rushed to your side.

"YOUR SENPAI HAS COME TO YOUR RESCUE!" He yelled loudly, trying to hold it to your mouth until you took it from him with a grateful smile.

"T-thank you, Senpai." You giggled, touching his hand as you took it from him. "I was just joking, but the gesture is appreciated.” 

Nishinoya blushed profusely, looking down at you with wide eyes. "You are so cute!" He gushed, looking down at his hand that you had purposefully brushed against.

Hinata pushed the second-year away. "Noya stop she's almost dying!!"

“I said I was kidding.” You reminded Hinata, shaking your head from their obnoxious nature. At first, you weren’t sure what the rest of the volleyball team would be like, but it was obvious that some of them were just as crazy as your orange-haired friend. 

"I didn't know you had such cute friends Hinata! Who else are you hiding from us?!" Noya persisted, anxious to know if there were any other cute, short, first year students. 

"Y-yeah!" Tanaka chimed in, hands on hips with an accusative tone.

Hinata threw his hands up. "I-I'm not hiding anything!"

You chuckled with tinted cheeks, placing your lips on the water bottle to distract yourself from the unfiltered comments. You'd never been complimented so bluntly before, especially by upperclassmen. You were frankly bombarded with attention and didn't know how to react but stand there and smile.

You were so distracted by the screaming that you didn't even notice the tall blonde boy approaching you from behind.

You turned to him with the water bottle in your mouth, eyes widening once you gazed into his eyes. This was the cute one you had been looking for. 

Tsukishima was at loss for words, wanting to kick himself for failing to realize how stunning you truly were. But of course he would never say that.

"Tch." He covered his hesitation up with a grumble. "How gross."

"W-what?" You frowned.

"That's my water bottle." The blonde haired boy warned with a stern, unreadable expression.

You examined it, chuckling as you noticed an endearing little dinosaur sticker on the side. You tittered, trying to play your nervousness off as confidence, glancing up at him with an even bigger smile. "Thank you for letting me use it!"

Tsukishima stared down at you, almost melting right then and there when you handed him back his belonging. He could tell you were nervous, but that was because he over-analyzed everything. Nobody would notice something like that unless you admitted it. 

Who the hell is this girl? He thought, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration. He hated the warmness that he was feeling inside. It was gross. Possibly a lesser equivalent to what his teammates felt every time a girl paid them the slightest bit of attention. If you were in one of his classes he would have surely noticed you. 

"Y-yeah." He spoke too quickly, wincing as the words left his lips.

He stuttered. He actually stuttered. Tsukishima's eyes widened in shock.

"Is everything alright?" You averted your gaze to the floor from his incredibly cute, yet intense scrutinize.

"Uh- yeah." He said in monotone, confusion still plastered on his face.

"You're Tsukishima Kei, right?" You asked sweetly, wanting to practice your conversation skills on someone who seemed a little harder to please. You didn’t have many friends at this school since you were new, and from a different country. Being nice to everyone would surely help you overcome your shyness. Especially befriending boys like Hinata, who seemed as if he did not have a mean bone in his body. 

Your eyebrows furrowed when you realized the blonde boy still hadn;t replied. You gained the courage to tilt your head up and found him nodding, his full attention focused on you. 

You had heard a lot about him, not necessarily good things. Tsukishima was intimidating but you were the type that could see through anyone's barrier. Plus, most of your information was from Hinata and he found everyone intimidating.

You waited for a few seconds before realizing he wasn't going to give you a straightforward answer. "I'm L/N-F/N." You grinned, trying to mask up your disappointment with more displays of kindness. 

Why does she keep smiling? Tsukishima internally groaned. 

"Nice to meet you, L/N." He said, before turning on heels with his precious dinosaur-stickered water bottle.

You watched him closely from behind. Why did he have such an unapproachable stance? It seemed that he was the odd man out of the team despite being a first year among others like Hinata, who was getting along with the others just fine. 

You gawked, staring at his long and muscular build. You probably could have watched him for the entire practice, but you forced yourself to look away. Tsukishima was obviously uninterested in you unlike the other boys. Someone as precise and composed as him, could never grow fond of a foreigner like you.

Little did you know, that Tsukishima was thinking the exact same thing.

About two hours later you started to pack up your belongings. Your schoolwork was sprawled across the gym floor in front of you, your worksheet on top of your textbook. Some of your pens had rolled out of reach because of how eaasily you had been distracted. 

Truthfully, you tried to do some homework. But you couldn't stop watching the boys play.

They were amazing, agile, and overall just hilarious to watch. Hopefully, Hinata would ask you to come back the next day. Everyone was respectful and kind to you, making it the first proper welcome you had received since the semester began. It was refreshing, and you found yourself smiling. You were at peace inside the gym, watching a sport that you adored.

But one person clouded your mind. Tsukishima.

“Literally what the hell." You whispered to yourself, briefly taking a moment to massage your eyes. You had just met the boy, it wasn’t even a good introduction, yet you were starting to develop a slight crush on him. It was hard not to when you had been watching him the most out of all the other players. The blonde was stocky, yet moved across the court with ease.

"Y/N!!" Hinata gushed with a gigantic grin, rushing up to you with his backpack hanging loosely from his shoulder. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah!" You stood up straight with all your school work jumbled together. The volleyball the Japanese played was slightly different than how you played in your country, but most of it was the same. It was exciting and you found it incredibly hard to peel you eyes away, even if it was just practice. "Thanks for inviting me Hinata!” 

"No problem!" He quipped, immediately stepping forward to help you pack up the rest of your miscellaneous items.  "Daichi said you could come back and watch if you'd like!"

"Really?" Your head shot up dramatically. "I would love to!"

Tsukishima peered at you from the opposite side of the gym.

He watched you talk with the shrimp, both of you rambling on about how awesome volleyball was. He oddly wished it was him, a hint of anger thrusting into his step as he marched over to his bag.

Embarrassingly, he had been keeping an eye on you the whole practice. He would often feel annoyed when one of his teammates tried to spike up a conversation with you. Is this what jealousy felt like?

"Stupid." He mumbled, zipping up his jacket and stuffing his volleyball shoes into his backpack. He had never felt like this before. He had never wanted affection from a girl before, he had never even been interested. He was too focused on the more important things in life, like schoolwork. But there was just something about you that kept turning his head back.

"What, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi tilted his head in confusion. Even he could tell that his friend was acting strange ever since you had arrived.

"Nothing."

Yamaguchi followed Tsukishima's piercing gaze, and it landed on you. He pondered for a moment before speaking. "What's gotten into you?" Yamaguchi was not the only one who had noticed, so did Hinata and Sugawara, all three of them had discussed something earlier in light whispers. 

The taller first year stopped, holding his glasses a few inches from his face before he could finish polishing them. "What are you talking about?"

"You're actually being nice."

"Tch. No I'm not."

"Yes you are, you even complimented me. You rarely do that." The smaller first year pointed out, trying hard not to chuckle.

"You made a good play, that's all."

"You're just acting... different." Yamaguchi shrugged, eyeing his friend when he turned away. "Like you're trying to get someone's attention."

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and slid his back against the gym wall. He looked transversely and noticed you watching him intently now that Hinata had left your side.

Even from across the room he could see the blush that dusted your cheeks. Was it because of him? Had you noticed his gaze?

It made him almost smile. Almost.

He could have sworn that the two of you locked eyes for at least ten seconds. It seemed he was in such a trance that he forgot about the boy standing right next to him. And instantly, Yamaguchi put the pieces together. 

"Go talk to her." He whispered once you turned your attention back to putting your stuff away.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Ask her on a date."

"No."

"Get to know her better."

"That's not necessary."

Yamaguchi sighed loudly. "You're obviously interested, you can't stop staring at her."

Tsukishima couldn't deny that one. "Whatever." Was all he replied.

"If you don't you'll regret it."The smaller first year was surprised at his own newfound wisdom. "You're not gonna get a better hint than what she just gave you." Yamaguchi said, practically rolling his eyes. It was just annoying for him to watch. Your attraction was so obvious that it pained him, causing wisdom to spout from a boy who was too shy to even talk to a girl. This situation was even more unbearable because your attention was focused on Tsukishima, a boy without a friendly thought in his head. Yamaguchi was hoping you could try and change that. 

The blonde first year furrowed his eyebrows together at his friend's comment, not wanting to admit the truth behind it.

You were beautiful, and if he did not act now, someone else would. And it would be incredibly unfortunate if that someone turned out to be one of his teammates.

The sun was almost set by the time you finally left the school grounds. It had been a long day, but it had been fun. To conclude that thought, you let out a deep sigh.

You walked slowly down the street, enjoying the peaceful neighborhood while you could. It was almost never this nice outside around the time you were able to go back home. Because of that, you left your earbuds out for the trip back home. You were content with listening to the birds and other sounds that filled your surroundings.

"L/N." A deep voice snapped you back to reality.

You turned around hastily, surprised to find Tsukishima, the last person you were expecting.

He appeared next to you, with hands in pockets and headphones curled around his neck, a song faintly playing through them. It was one that you recognized, but you decided to save that comment for later.

"Hi!" You smiled shyly. "I thought you left."

"Oh, no I didn't." He exhaled, breath swirling into mist from the increasing chilling temperature.

The two of you crossed the street in comforting silence. "Do you live over here?" You asked, slightly skipping over the street curb with a warm feeling in your stomach. It was hard to keep up with his long strides.

"Yeah." Without warning,  Tsukishima stepped closer to you in attempts to avoid a puddle of water. You instantly felt your heart beat increase when his arm brushed against your shoulder.

"I uh.. wanted to ask you something." He said after a pause, disregarding the conversation you had tried to spark up.

You nervously tightened your grip around your textbooks, pressing them harder against your chest. You could already feel your face becoming hot against the cold breeze. You were usually good at feigning calmness, but his intimidating aura was not helping your situation. 

"What is it?" You squeaked.

It was dead silent. Tsukishima seemed to be contemplating something so hard that his expression became pained.

"I want you to go on a date with me." He finally admitted, his mouth crooking into a smirk as he lifted his head to look at you directly.

You blushed lavishly, astonished beyond measure that this was actually happening. Everyone that even so mentioned his name had said that he was a jerk, a bully, and just an overall unkind person. Again, few people, but you had not received a good first impression.

Why was he being nice to you?

"R-really?" You stammered, casting your gaze downwards in embarrassment. Hoping and praying that he was not just playing with you.

"Tch," Tsukishima chuckled. "You're stupid... Yes really."

"Hey!" You pouted. "That's mean."

The boy stopped as the words flew out of your mouth. You didn't really mean it though, you had thicker skin than you led on. The blonde towered over you, his expression resembling one of slight remorse. 

"My bad."

It finally made sense to you. He was trying really hard to be nice.

"I'll go on a date with you, Tsukishima." You proclaimed with a wide, reassuring smile. "As long as you are nice to me... and next time, try not to demand a date out of me.” 

He stared at you with pure confusion. “What?” 

“Next time... say it like,” You deepened your voice, trying to match his. “I would like to go on a date with you, Y/N. Would you let me take you on one?” 

“That’s a mouthful.” He sighed. “But alright.” Tsukishima took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to you. “I’m kind of hurt that you think I won’t be nice to you.” 

“All jokes.” You chuckled, eyes lighting up at the gesture, incredibly excited that he was making the first move. From what you had seen before, this side of him was surprisingly different and intriguing. You really hoped to see more.

She's so cute. Tsukishima bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying everything that he was thinking. He had to seem cool and collected. 

You typed in your number and gave him his phone back. "Text me." You insisted with a soft and inviting tone. "I'll be waiting!" You waved sheepishly to him before skipping down the opposite side of the street.

Tsukishima fell silent as he watched you disappear, wondering why he had taken such a liking to you when he had never taken interest in anyone else. After standing in the spot you had left him for too long, he decided it was the kindness you radiated. Even when he had acted like a jerk, you didn't let that bother you. He really needed a girl like you in his life.

He had even felt the urge to kiss you. What the hell was wrong with him?

He glanced down at his phone, his frown shifting into a smile as he read the name you had typed in for yourself.

"PRINCESS (F/N) ♥︎ৎˊ͈ˣੰૢˋ͈ॢॽ∗｡"

"Idiot." He simpered, shaking his head in a slightly flustered manner.

Tsukishima shoved his phone in his pocket and slipped his headphones back on, wondering what your favorite color was. Perhaps he could surprise you with something nice.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 7 Thoughts Part 1

I am kinda anxious starting this season because it is the only one I have seen nothing from. I have heard plenty about it, however, and none of it was good. Combine that with the unpleasant experience that season 6 was and I am not too thrilled but at least I will have watched everything once I have this out of the way so here I go for it.

I have to say that the intro isn’t too impressive.

7x01:

- Told you Stella has the stamina for a marathon if she has the right incentive. Why are they at Alfea again, though? And acting like they’re freshmen again? Not to mention that they have sneaked into the school more successfully when they had a lot less power.

- Jeez, I thought Griselda caught them but it was a monster... A fairy animal. K, Faragonda taking care of it was kinda cute but why don’t they know about the Nature Park? And why is Faragonda being so stern? It’s more than we have seen from her for a very mild offense (by Winx’ standards).

- Ugh, Stella with the fashion again. And why is there such a rift between her and the other girls? This is getting annoying already. Not to mention that Bloom’s voice sounds like Stella’s from the previous seasons.

- Kiko can never catch a break, huh? Especially when there are other animals/pixies/selkies/etc around.

- I thought that the barrier was only letting through those pure of heart or something like that. It probably would have been better considering that our villain will have fairy magic (I know something about this). What stops the animals from running away, though? And since when is Faragonda so into animals? She said she created the park but we have never seen her actually take care of animals or anything.

- A digmole? Wasn’t there something like that in Pokemon?

- Dammit! I was just excited to see what happens when a fairy animal attacks another fairy animal and they were like “That doesn’t happen.” Oh, I guess fairy animals are too good to have actual animal instincts or anything. I want to see a carnivore fairy animal that eats other fairy animals and I want to see how they deal with it. That is just a normal thing. And it would have been more interesting. And Roxy is acting like an animal attacking another animal is the worst thing ever. I have some bad news for you, hon.

- They really lost against a bird? And does this episode plan on introducing the villain of the season? There has been zero plot so far.

- Oh, villains! At last. I thought they were going to eat the digmole but nope. Kalshara is somehow planning on turning them into an army. Brainwashing them I guess? Brafilius is already annoying and it has been one scene. This is off to a good start.

7x02:

- The secret of the Ultimate Fairy Power is entrusted to the digmoles????? And why does she want an army of fairy animals? Could’ve picked anything but sis is just over here looking at the cute animals and going “Yep, a fearsome army that does make!” I mean, turning cute animals super evil has so much potential but I would not trust this show to even consider it, much less do it.

- Brafilius is already annoying as fuck. At least the previous villains were somewhat competent but this? He’s a clown! Kiko could beat him! What the hell were they thinking? At least Kalshara turning into the cat thing was super awesome! I really loved it.

- “It’s not like we can go back in time...” And you know they’re gonna go back in time. That sentence just screams it.

- Why would the Stone of Memories send them back in time? And why has no one tried to steal it? You could fuck so much shit up with that! Also, why did they think they could pull off time travel? Much better writers have tried and haven’t managed without creating as many paradoxes as possible. This show was a goddamn mess even before that. Besides, in season 3 there was a room in Alfea that could access any place in the past, present or future. They should have just used that but then there would have been no Butterflix transformation and shit.

- “Little time machines”? So now there are more stones? Also, they are changing the goddamn past by even being there! They are going to meet people that couldn’t have met them in the normal time line and that will change things in one way or another. This is incredible bullshit and they haven’t even stepped into the past yet.

- Great going. Just jump in the past (they don’t even know how many years back they went) without changing clothes or anything. They could give life to new words and slang before their time. Besides, Stella has her fashion thing so it would have been cool if she’d figured out what was appropriate for the time period and changed their clothes.That would have been a great usage of her fashion obsession but it never comes up when it would be actually relevant and useful.

- The crest proves that they are at Alfea? Not like, I don’t know, the entire goddamn campus? And how is walking into the main gate “not attracting attention”? This is stupid as hell.

- Why is Griselda acting like a principal even as she’s a student still?

- Oh, so now we get a change of clothes. But how will they blend in when everyone else is wearing the exact same uniform and they are just there in their specific colors? Even the clothes aren’t the ones from the uniform. And now Roxy totally looks like a Bloom clone.

- Of course, Faragonda is a major klutz just like Bloom was when she first arrived at Alfea. And, of course, Bloom can sense it’s something familiar.

- How did they get to the exhibition before Faragonda? And poor thing, she doesn’t seem to be a favorite of Headmistress Mavilla. Actually, Mavilla sounds a lot like Griselda and she seems to trust her so why didn’t she make Griselda Headmistress? Or was it not her choice?

- Of course, Roxy, the literal fairy of animals, has no idea that the animals can do all those things, much less how to make them do the things. Amazing.

- My god, Faragonda is such a dumbass! She is brave but I think she is trailing the line between brave and stupid a little bit too clumsily. How did she not die? For real? I mean, this is the thing here - in the original time line, Winx weren’t there to save her. So how did she not die during this reckless adventure she threw herself in?

- Well, at least they finally started doing something. I know they are allegedly trying to be undercover (Mavilla is shit as headmistress if she didn’t notice there were outsiders on her show in her very own fucking yard!) but they should have tried helping even sooner.

- Young Faragonda looks so much like Flora. I swear they just slapped Flora’s design on the screen, touched it up a little and thought it was good to go.

- Oh, that other fairy that just showed up is Kalshara, isn’t it?

- Why are they in the Headmistress’ office if they’re trying to stay undercover? Also, I already don’t like Mavilla. She seems like such a snob.

7x03:

- Why the hell are Winx in class? They shouldn’t be there. But, of course, we can’t have a scene without Winx in it.

- Damn, Kalshara’s metamorphoses are just on point. But her attitude is legit that of a witch and I am kinda surprised no one has caught on to that. Though, on the other hand, all of the teachers seem so hellbent on the students’ performances instead of on actually teaching them learn how to do things. Under Faragonda’s management, the school seems much more relaxed and friendly.

- Omg, Faragonda really took the book. She is such an idiot! Also, she should definitely ease it on criticizing her students after the shit she herself pulled. She legit stole the book AND miniaturized Mavilla’s fairy animals? What the hell Faragonda? Did you have any brain cells when you were young?!?!?! I can only explain this with her growing up as a witch and not realizing that what she did was not okay.

- Oh, Bloom actually figured out that Kalshara can’t be trusted 30-40 years into the past? She could have turned evil after that! She could have had a daughter that could do the same magic. This deduction does not make sense.

- Wow, they really did drop in the correct moment, right before Kalshara got her weird transformation. And Faragonda is so responsible for what is happening. Nice one!

- So Kalshara forced a metamorphosis on her brother and is now using him as her servant? I feel bad for him now. Even if he is incompetent and annoying. It is her own damn fault that she forced him to remain with her.

- Why do the digmoles look pink now? They weren’t pink before.

- Lmao, Faragonda turned Kalshara into a kitten. That was just... kinda dumb, really, but anyway.

- Love how Roxy didn’t get the Butterflix transformation even though she did all the same things that Winx did. The bullshit is real. Also, the Butterflix transformation sequence is so unnecessary. I wanted to watch all of it like I do every time it is the gaining of a new transformation but it just annoyed me too much so I skipped it.

- Wait, if she erases their memories, no one will remember that Brafilius and Kalshara escaped and someone needs to take care of them. I mean, if someone had taken care of them in the past, none of this would have been happening. Why is everyone stupid?

7x04:

- The digmoles dug up Faragonda’s office? Wow, okay. But why is she being like that with Stella? Though, I guess she wouldn’t remember her own fuck-ups if they were erased from her memory. But wait, in order for Mavilla to erase the fairy animals from their minds, she must have erased all their education at Alfea as well. What the hell? None of this makes sense.

- Yeah, no one has seen the statue before. And Faragonda could have helped them figure out what they changed by telling them what was up with the statue but nah. She doesn’t seem worried that they changed the past even if she warned them to try to avoid exactly that. This season is already exhausting as hell.

- WHAT are they wearing? Gorgeous, my ass. At least all their boyfriends are good liars.

- They aren’t even gonna elaborate the Nex and Layla thing? Like, they didn’t exactly officially get together in the end of season 6. And he is still an asshole so why is Layla even with him? He’s making digs at her friends and she isn’t even noticing?

- “This mission is for girls”? Wtf?!?!?!

- Oh, god, they really stole at least some of the fairy animal designs from Pokemon, didn’t they?

- Wait, how will they know they have found the animal with the first color when they have no idea what the first color is?

- Wait, Roxy knows that the digmole was kidnapped and instead of wanting to protect it, she’s all “it can take care of itself”? What the fuck? Also, Nex keeps being an asshole and why is Helia starting to act like him as well?

- I thought fairy animals didn’t attack each other? Why are those two fighting and mocking each other? *sigh*

- Great! So the digmole went with Roxy despite everything and she managed to get it kidnapped again as well as lose her Stone.

- Why the hell is the recap for the next episode the exact same as the one that was in the end of 7x03?

7x05:

- Roxy, it can always get worse than that. At least the others aren’t mad at her.

- Man, why is Brafilius doing more work than Kalshara when she is the more competent one? It would have been easier for her to get the job done but she is a lazy fuck and that will get her defeated in the end.

- So Roxy can’t travel without her stone and one stone can only take one person? I guess that’s why they use those chairs in the teleportation sequence. I just don’t understand why they didn’t use the link between the Stones to figure out where Brafilius is instead of needing Roxy to tell them where he’s going.

- WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY WEARING?!?!?!?! Stella, I think you have not grasped the concept of camouflage well. This thing is gonna get you killed if you need to run or do anything, really, instead of just stand around. No one loves it, Stella. No one!

- Are you kidding me? The costumes are actually working?! And I have to say that they would have had their wings pierced if they’d transformed so the costumes actually saved them. I can’t believe it. It is just too stupid but it happened.

- Why is that dinosaur acting like a dog? And why are they so relaxed about it? If the mother finds them, they may not live to see another minute if she thinks they’re a threat.

- A fun game? This is not a dog, goddammit!

- That dinosaur is literally a T-rex and they are making it act like a dog. What the actual hell? Also, wtf was that with the other animal that almost drowned them in a river of tears. Where did the writers get their inspiration for this season? Also, I kinda have a feeling that that is the animal they are looking for because, boy, does it not blend in.

- A giant spider again? We’ve already done that! In the same show! Not to mention that the giant spiders have been so overdone in media in general! But twice in the same show? Come on!

- Oh, Butterflix has special powers as well? Of course, it does.

- Oh, come on! Bloom’s hands were practically free at first and she has fire! She could have freed herself!

- Why is this animal in the colors of Layla’s outfit? And did she just bond with it? Omg, she did. Wtf? Are these animals gonna be relevant again? Oh, wait, it’s coming to the present too. Not like it will die lonely without its species. Why not tear it away from its natural habitat? Makes total sense.

- Ugh, I am gagging over Nex’s “flirting” and “romanticism”. At least Squank (is that how you write this? I honestly don’t care enough to look it up) kiss-blocked him and that was the one good thing in this episode. Why does Layla even look at him? He is so obviously a jerk!

7x06:

- Oh, Kiko AND pixies AND the fairy animals? Oh, goodie! And why tf are the Winx in class? What more is there to learn?! They can do everything, except defeat a damn spider.

- I am surprised the pixies didn’t drown. But at least everyone is being patient except Cherie. Why are Layla’s bonded creatures such crybabies?

- They are learning metamorphoses now? Really? How convenient.

- Why is everyone being an asshole to everyone? Wizgiz is terrible to everyone. He was allegedly very concerned about the fairy animals but now he is mad. Bloom is being an asshole to Locket even though it is not the pixies’ job to take care of their pets. I just can’t take this anymore.

- Wow, Layla figured out that the pixie thing was not a good idea? I am impressed. Why don’t they just leave Squank in the park? They can’t keep it on campus with how easily it is upset and causes trouble.

- Why is Roxy not going? It’s not like they’re headed for the past. She could go.

- Why did she say “my parents live there” instead of “this is my home”? At least we’re seeing Flora’s parents. And her father is such a dork. It is refreshing after all the fathers being so serious and composed. But her mother is such a peaceful disaster. I don’t know how she does it. At least the plants were kinda cool.

- Hello, Miele. So they just forgot that we already know about her being a fairy and going to school and then they show a flashback of it? It’s like Bloom doesn’t remember the flashback and Flora does? Wtf?!

- “Do you know where we are?” “In the middle of the forest.” Somehow, that is not reassuring or specific enough.

- Not like they’re hurting the giant fungi or something. This episode kinda reminds me of the evil willow in season 1, except that one was interesting.

- So Butterflix works only on non-nature? Well, I have bad news for you. Most of what you’re constantly surrounded by is nature!

- Why are the fungi stripping them of their transformation? How the hell? You know what? Whatever.

- Oh, damn. Even Flora got trapped. This is starting to get a little interesting. Not that they won’t be saved somehow - probably by Miele who sneaked after them - but I am starting to feel a little tension. I can’t believe it.

7x07:

- Didn’t she have to find the place where the fungi originated? Miele is just sprinkling them wherever and it’s working. Because, of course, it is!

- Flora, you would have died if Miele hadn’t saved you! And you have pulled so much shit over the years. You really don’t have the right to criticize her. At least she let her go with them.

- They’ve already ridden the ladybugs back in season 3. But that’s too far back for the writers to remember even if they brought back the ladybugs.

- They already fought the fungi. But can’t they use their energy to give nature energy so that it can fight the fungi that they can’t with their powers? Yup, that’s what they’re doing.

- Yeah, I think the glowing eyes suggest that something is happening.

- They are finally using their powers in a more interesting way! I cannot believe it. But isn’t Flora gonna bond with the magiwolf?

- Flora’s special spell looks both pretty cool and powerful. I just love me some glowy magical auras!

- Did they bond? They did, right? But why didn’t Flora hear him speak like Layla did with her fairy animal? Anyway, I love it! It is so adorable! And very mischievous. Do they really think that taking it to Alfea is a good idea? They do need to learn how to take care of their fairy animals and keep them in check instead of threatening to destroy the whole school.

- Flora, Flora, Flora. Smh. It can always get worse! At least they figured out that the pixies can’t get the job done. Winx can’t get the job done, let alone the pixies.

7x08:

- At least they are spending time with their fairy animals. But I am not a fan of them being so pushy, and especially Flora. She has always been so patient with plants but she is being so insensitive to Amarok. He’s a magiwolf! He’s not used to living in a fucking dorm!

- Man, Nex is such a damn asshole! At least this time Layla actually said something even if it was not nearly as much as it should have been. (She should just dump him tbh.) I just wish Helia hadn’t been dragged into the mess as well.

- Why is Flora mad at Helia? He hasn’t done anything wrong. He is even helping keep Amarok occupied in a more peaceful and orderly manner. One again, why is everyone being an asshole to everyone else?

- That cat is so fucking adorable! I want one! Who has a stone that can teleport me in the Winx universe so that I can get a kitty?

- “Cheeky losers”? Yeah, they totes talked like that in the Middle Ages. What the hell? Did no one figure out that they are going to have to make the medieval people speak in a period-correct manner? Apparently not.

- That kitty looks like a dangerous little beast. I am rethinking my desire for one.

- If they wanna stop the guards/soldiers/whatever without hurting them, why not just use some morphix? That can solve their problems.

- Why are people afraid of the fairies? What the fuck are the Earth fairies doing at this precise moment? They should be around at this point/still.

- It would have been so interesting to see what would have happened if Barfilius had been unable to get back to the teleportation chair and had been stuck between different times. And he could have hitchhiked with Winx when they were coming back or something. At least there would have been a point to his incompetence.

- What the fuck is this Rainbow Company and why the fuck did the writers think it was a good idea to include them? Wait, did Rainbow just drop their own company’s self-inserts?

- Those clothes I dig! I am not entirely sure how accurate for the time they are but I like the way they look.

- Well, they’re acting in a medieval play now. I have run out of “what the hell”s to give.

7x09:

- I am honestly not a fan of Musa falling for the valiant medieval musician. What is she gonna do? Take him with her like they’re doing with the animals?

- So the kitty is cute again and I want one again (even though it seems to be only one).

- I don’t think Kalshara particularly cares about Brafillius but it’s cute that he thinks she does. Especially since he has been shown to be scared of her.

- What the hell are those creatures that Brafilius summoned? That does not look like native Earth species. And poor donkey also.

- Did Musa just get caught because she was being distracted by a boy? Yeah, she really needs to get her shit together after Riven.

- Don’t tell me Orlando will fight Brafilius with music!

- Yeah, Musa definitely looks like she is handling this.

- They’re really being pretty useless in this season and having to get nature to do their job for them. And how convenient that they got the Butterflix transformation by barely doing anything for it (Mavilla was even shocked and said it was impossible).

- Wtf, did Musa just summon water drops? But the visuals of her special spell were so damn cool! THAT was actually pretty creative.

- She bonded with the cat, I knew it! It was pretty obvious that that was gonna happen.

- They are really finishing the play? *sigh*

- Did Musa just disappear in front of the entire crowd? Talk about a poor decision. They just stopped freaking out over the magic.

7x10:

- Yeah, Brafilius couldn’t even try to figure out if the cat has the First Color but why haven’t Winx tried? They have the perfect opportunity now that the cat is bonded to Musa. (And boy, what a snobby cat. I can see how it can look like Musa when she starts pouting.)

- Okay, Nex actually trying this time and taking to Squank was kinda cute, ngl. If he keeps being like that, he can stay.

- Helia really do be competing in origami with a cat... And getting destroyed... Quite literally.

- Why don’t Winx try to take care of their own damn animals! They are the ones that are bonded to the animals, yet they keep pawning them off on their boyfriends and then getting all sulky when something goes wrong. Well, the animals are primarily your responsibility so if you can tone the criticism the fuck down, that would be great.

- Omg, the bat metamorphosis! Kalshara has the best power!

- Now they wake up! Couldn’t pay attention to the racket sooner!

- They left KIKO in charge of these very massive, very wild animals? Wtf, he couldn’t even handle the pets in s4.

- Oh, the kitty can communicate? First origami, now this.

- Is that bird gonna be Stella’s animal? Yep, it will. But it’s spelled, right? Can the bond unspell it? That will be nice.

- Oof, Kalshara spelled the animals. And Winx’ powers aren’t supposed to work on them... right?

- Stella, it’s obviously spelled! You didn’t do anything wrong! Just use your brain instead of your anxious heart.

- Oh, she actually did! And they bonded! I think that was the cutest bond so far. But she named her bird Shiny? Okay, Stella.

- Stella’s special spell is pretty plain compared to those of Musa and Flora and even Layla.

- Oh, they fucked up Kalshara and Brafilius’ hideout. Finally. We’re gonna change locations at the very least. It gives the illusion of something happening.

7x11:

- Those tigers don’t look very fairy-animal-ly.

- Stella is really gonna make the animals wear clothes? Wow, they really outdid themselves this time and I don’t mean that in a good way.

- So... shiny eats gems? Interesting.

- At this point I’ll take Bloom x Sky over the fairy animals nonsense.

- Lmao @ Squank scaring Critty out of her mind. But poor Brandon with Shiny. I’m afraid she might eat him as well if she manages to get close enough to “kiss” him.

- What the hell, Stella? Here’s a simple equation for you - dying = no more fashion!

- Come on, Stella! You’ve faced so many monsters over the years? Why are you scared now?

- Okay, that’s definitely magical and definitely dark. But they have faced worse things.

- Poor baby tigers! But why don’t Winx just use their nature powers?

- Finally! And Nex was actually being useful this time. Plus, look at those super cute tiger cubs! Precious little balls of fur!

- Soooo... why are half of Winx handling this and the other half aren’t? There is legit zero reason for that. And Stella’s special spell can reverse the effect of the wild magic? Why the hell didn’t she use that back on Linphea... Oh, wait. That’s right. Their powers were taken by the fungi. Okay, this checks out for once. Surprisingly, I am also amazed that I remember as far as 5-6 episodes back. I wouldn’t have guessed it.

- Okay, yeah, the tiger cubs are so cute that they could turn a person good indeed. But, please, don’t take them to Gardenia!

- Oh, my god! What the fuck are tigers gonna do in Gardenia?! They could have found them a safe place with people who know how to take care of them in their native country! That would have been a better idea.

7x12:

- Roxy is “borrowing” the fairy animals? Tell me she’ll get her own!

- What the hell happened? And how does such a small bird knock out such a big wolf?

- My god, Flora is really getting on my nerves this season by scolding Amarok so much. Shut up, Flora! You’ve had your klutz moments too! And you are the one that took a magiwolf out of the damn forest and are trying to make it live in a dorm!

- Are you telling me that there are only, like, 7-8 planets? Because that is how much globes they have there and they seem to imply that they have covered the whole universe in their monitoring of the fairy animals.

- Are we going to see Tecna’s parents again? I am so excited! Oh, and they had Timmy over without even telling Tecna? That is actually kinda adorable! It means that they are really getting along with him!

- Where did Brafilius go? Back in time but when exactly? At the creation of techno magic? Don’t tell me he’s gonna fuck it up completely? Yep, he did!

- Tbh I expected more chaos. I guess only the droids are techno magic and the rest is just plain technology. Oh, and the cars are freaking out.

- Well, Brafilius is trapped now. If they don’t fuck up, they can have him arrested.

- Tecna is sure getting poetic for someone that is so technical. Her magic is always so damn awesome, though! How have I not noticed before this rewatch?

- Dammit, they’re gonna miss Brafilius again!

7x13:

- Oh, goody. Only Bloom hasn’t gotten her fairy animal... Aaaaaand it just showed up! I mean, this unicorn’s hair is legit made of flames! It is obviously gonna be her animal. She even said she always wanted a unicorn (just like any girl ever) in season 4.

- Who’s working in the rescue park when Winx are running around in the past?

- The pixies just really caused a mini storm? And how is holding on to each other while floating aimlessly in the air “taking cover”?

- Why are they on Earth again? How come they met 1/3 of the fairy animals on Earth?

- Even the pandas aren’t cute enough to make me care for this episode when it is so fucking useless. Half of it is done and nothing has happened. And real life pandas are actually cuter. Sorrynotsorry.

- Wait, what? Is all the bamboo... a simulation? Wtf happened there?

- Oh, thought the unicorn was trying to make the into shredded cheese but it just trapped them instead? Boooooooring.

- It’s wild magic, we know! It was obvious. Except Stella is trapped and she can’t unspell it with her special spell.

- How convenient that her fire powers are working on a unicorn that was shooting fire blasts out of its horn. You know, totes like a dragon. Of course, Bloom just managed to unspell it even though that should be Stella’s specialty.

- Not a song! Oh, thank god, it didn’t last long.

- Don’t tell me that the unicorn has healing powers... Well, of course it does! And it can also speak to all of them even though the other animals can only speak to their bonded fairy. Right.

- Oh, come on! If the unicorn could counteract the wild magic, why did it even get changed by it?! The “cure” was right there in its body!

- Well, this emotional resolution ain’t shit.

I did do part 2 here despite my reluctance (but hey, it wasn’t that bad).

[sif-the-tsunami]

Ropes and Roses, Intro

A/N: Well hello, I had no idea that this was going to be something that other people wanted, please bear with me, I haven’t written in like fifteen years, so I’m not super familiar with the way fanfiction formatting has changed, so I’m using what comes naturally to me. 

Content warning: none really, maybe a little bit of insecurities stemming from perfectionism. I wanted to just introduce both of the mains in this one. This will become more adult in a little bit. Some spicy language also.

If this is also the title of something else, I can change it, its 3:30 AM and I can’t think of what else to call it.

Word count: Approx. 1300

“I’m sorry, Henry, you need to work on your flexibility. You are an incredibly strong person, but you need to move gracefully, more like a hockey player, not a soldier.” He hears the words repeat in his head over and over. What kind of bullshit was this? Henry had been working on his body, wellness, and was in the best shape of his life. The comments made by the director wrecked his whole day and to make matters, and his temper, worse was the fact that he felt disappointed in himself for letting the words ring in his ear. “I have a friend who I think will help you, she’s a dance instructor. Here, her name is Elizabeth, give her call.”

The beast of a man sat on his couch, the dance studio was twenty minutes away from his house in London. The director just said he had to pass as gentleman who enjoyed the seduction and intimacy of dancing as means of manipulation. He wouldn’t have to be ballroom competition ready, fortunately. He flipped his phone around in his hands for a few minutes and groaned to himself. Henry grabbed the card from his pocket and dialed the number.

“Thank you for calling the Rosehill Dance Studio, this is Mary, how can I help you?” A sweet voice asked as clear as a bell.

“Hello. My name is Hank, I was informed that I need to take some dance classes, and I was wondering if there was an intro class I could enroll it.”

“What kind of lessons are you looking for? We offer tango lessons, different ballroom, a couple difference versions of swing dancing...”

He cut her off in anxious embarrassment, “I need to learn how to do a waltz. I would prefer for the lessons to be private. I was told to ask for Elizabeth.”

Henry was never a fan of admitting defeat, but he knew that if he didn’t learn this, it would be the only scene that required a body double. He would be damned if that was the only thing he couldn’t do. He looked at his feet, and shuffled slightly.

“I don’t have any with Ms Rosehill for about the next six weeks.”

“I was told to be prepared for that, would you mind asking her if she should make an exception. This is a favor for Gregory Chapman.”

“Oh, I will need to put you on a brief hold.” Mary said, surprised by the name drop. After about two minutes of cheery hold music, she picked up the line and said “The earliest Ms Rosehill can see you is this Thursday, she asks that you be at the studio before 7PM. Please bring clothes you are comfortable stretching in, and the shoes you will be dancing in. If you cannot make it to the studio by your appointment time, please call us before hand no later than an hour ahead of time. Do you have any other questions?”

Henry thanked the receptionist and told her he had no further questions. He set his phone down on his lap, and looked at Kal who was nuzzling his other side. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on the dog’s forehead and realized that maybe he was too stiff. The work he has done previously required him to be massive, the role he was performing now as this villain required more fluidity than brutality. This character was the anti-August Walker. While he looked forward to not playing another well meaning good guy, he wanted to really sink his teeth into the possibility of expanding his repertoire.

______

Thursday came too quickly for Henry’s taste. He arrived at the studio promptly at 6:45PM and looked around the lobby. A loud, clear countdown was exclaimed and then the dancers began their routine. The music coming from behind a curtain was absolutely not was he was expecting. However neither was the instructor. He walked around to where he could watch and saw a dainty looking woman in front of the other group of women. They were all facing towards the wall length mirrors and looked so happy. This was a space for them, for their joy, and no one else’s. He knew he should not be observing this but he couldn’t stop. The tribal drumming was strangely soothing to him. The eight women moved perfectly together, they were seamless. He could tell she was leading the class from several verbal cues she was giving the students to indicate transitions and movement. He watched the women sway, shimmy and turn as if he were stuck in a trance. As the music ended, she pulled a phone out of her leggings pocket and paused the playlist. She looked towards the door and their eyes connected. She had the most adorable half grin Henry had seen in a long time. The look on her face said that she caught him like an unruly child sneaking a cookie. “Wonderfully done tonight ladies, I am so happy how far we have all gotten with this choreography. I think you all will ready for the studio’s recital next Sunday. Give yourself a hand, you are all so fantastic.” She was an American, it seemed. Henry pulled his baseball hat down a little as the women dispersed. The short-haired woman came to the front and observed the tall man in her lobby. “Hello, you must be Mr. Cavill. Please don't be surprised, Greg called me this morning to see if you and I were going to work together. It is a pleasure to meet you, I am Elizabeth Rosehill.” She reached her hand out to shake his. “Thank you for being on time.” “I thought I was early.” He smiled politely at his new instructor. There was something about the way she said Mr Cavill that made him feel like he was back in boarding school and he needed to be on his best behavior. “Early is on time, on time is late, Mr. Cavill.” She smiled back, just as polite. Her voice was clear, and her words were precise. “Please remember that for our future lessons. It was brought to my attention that you wish to be able to ballroom dance for an upcoming project. I will do my best to teach you but I need to know you will be as dedicated to this as you are your regular workouts.” “Yes, ma’am, I will do my best.” His voice cracked, he cleared his throat. Was he always this nervous when talking to women? She gestured to him with her hands and a warm smile to follow her. “May I ask what kind of dancing you were doing? It was beautiful.” “That was American Tribal Style belly dancing. It has fallen out of popularity back home, but I’ve been able to find pockets of women, and men in some cases, across the UK that seem to still enjoy it. It is a little less flirty than cabaret style which is probably what you associate belly dancing with. So to begin, I would really like to see how flexible you are, so we can sort out what sort of dance you will be learning. I am going to go lock the front door to make sure we are not interrupted, and in the mean time I need you to grab us two of the yoga mats. I would like for you to set them up parallel to each other, far enough apart so when we do some stretches we will not knock our heads together. Can you do that for me?” “Yes, absolutely.” “Thank you Mr Cavill, we will begin shortly.”

[straykats]

guardian angel // fake dating au

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader wordcount: ... 4.7k a/n: requested // when i said i was getting carried away i thought i meant like. 2k. not 4k. this was almost +5k omg.

----------

“So the guys - my friends, that is - are betting $20 that I won't be able to ask you out, and a further $10 that even if I do, you won’t say yes.”

You stare at the boy, blinking in disbelief. “Sorry, what now?”

The bell rings, and people rush past the two of you to get to lunch. Hyunjin stays standing in front of you, arms crossed with a steady gaze holding your eyes. His tongue flicks out to lick his bottom lip, and you make a fist under the desk. Did he really think he had the right to even suggest such an idea-

“You heard me. You can say no, but it’d be a waste of $30.” He sighs. “Look, all you need to do is spend a day with me. It can be one hour. Just once, and then we’re done. I’ll buy you whatever you want with that money. Actually, I’ll just give you the money.”

You glare at him and stand up abruptly. He doesn’t move, his eyes watching as you gather your stuff. “What’s in it for you, then? Just here for the sake of teasing me again?”

You see his jaw clench in frustration, his eyes flashing with unnamed emotions. You turn to walk out of the classroom but Hyunjin reaches the door before you do, shutting it.

“Hyunjin, I’m not going to deal with this shit again-”

“Neither am I, okay? If I say no - heck, if you say no, then everyone’s going to keep making up rumours, so just say yes.” Hyunjin’s features suddenly change, a mischievous light in his eyes. “Say yes, and let’s really give them something to talk about.”

And that’s how, three hours later, you found yourself walking side by side with Hyunjin down the streets.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. High school was supposed to go smoothly, and Hyunjin was supposed to be some unreachable star that you could only watch. You had been friends (well, more than acquaintances, but you weren’t sure if ‘friends’ was the right word) for a year, sharing a chemistry class, and then drifted apart.

You had thought that that had been it - he was someone you had sat next to for a year, someone you associated with only because of a seating plan… but of course not.

You weren’t sure how it started, but the following year saw rumours arise. Rumours that you had feelings for him, and he for you, and you were both going out in secret. Most of the school knew it was just stupid rumours to fluster the two of you, but Hyunjin had laughed and gone along with it. Even when you’d asked him to stop.

“Geesh, it’s just a joke, y/n,” he had said, but he hadn’t known about the comments that you had received. Sexual things, all of them. Comments about why your hair was messy, clothes rumpled. Comments about your body. You hated those the most, because you couldn’t change anything. 

“So, turns out the guys aren’t going to give me the $10 unless there’s photographic proof that we went on a date.”

You let out a groan. “Walking next to you makes me anxious enough… and now you want to take a photo with me?”

“Anxious? Why would I- never mind that. Yes. I’ll send it to Seungmin. He’s the least likely to make such a big deal out of it… and then I’ll delete it.” He says the last bit with a sigh, and you thought he almost sounded sad. 

You’re grumbling under your breath, hands crossed in front of your chest. Hyunjin looks across at you and scoffs. You glare at him.

“Look, if you want to take a photo, hurry up and let’s get it over and done with.”

“But this is boring. Let’s-”

He grabs you by the wrist, dragging you towards a store. You can only let out a sigh, wrenching your arm away and following him grudgingly. 

You walk out ten minutes later, a cup of bubble tea in your hand. Hyunjin had ordered for you, and you didn't hate the flavour… but you wouldn't tell him that. 

"Okay, say cheese!"

"That's so cringey," you say, but you look at the phone anyways, holding your cup of bubble tea up.

Hyunjin leans in, and he's awfully close, his hair brushing the tip of your ear. It tickles, and you try not to laugh as he snaps a few shots. You feign a glare at him when he tried to move in closer.

"Bit close there, buddy."

"Stop moving- hey, this one's pretty cute."

You look at his phone, and he shows you a picture of you half turned away. Your brows are furrowed, but your cheeks are raised and lips between your teeth in an attempt at stop smiling. It was a weird face, in your opinion. How was that a cute photo?

You grab the phone from him and swipe. He's leaning in close again, cheek close to yours as you both examine the pictures.

"Why do you look good in all of them?"

"Natural talent, y/n."

You frown at him. "I hope you know how much of a dick you just sounded like."

He shrugs, snatching the phone back. "Well, I'll be sending a pic now, so if you don’t mind…"

He clicks around, and you notice him type a message. It takes him less than half a minute before he pockets his phone.

“So, now that the necessary part is over, shall we continue?”

“... Continue? I’ve spent at least half an hour with you. We have our photo - which you said you’d delete, so please do - and you even bought me a drink.” You nod your head slowly, thoughts clicking together before you turn to look at Hyunjin. “If I’m not mistaken, we could leave now and this would still be considered a date. Besides, we need to train back together.”

You give him a smile, but even you could tell it was more like a stretch of the lips. You were eager to go home already, to be in the safety of your bedroom. Alone. Without Hyunjin next to you. To be in your room, where no one could find something to whisper about.

Hyunjin stays staring at you. He’s relaxed, but his jaw is clenched, and you can almost see the cogs in his eyes running… but for what?  To find a reason to spend more time with you? No. To find something to say that isn’t rude or snappy? Probably. 

“Okay. Let’s go home then.”

He throws you a lopsided smirk before taking off. His hands are pocketed and his shoulders pulled back. He was tall, you remembered, and his legs unbelievably long. As always, he walked around like he was walking the red carpet.

You wordlessly catch up to him and walk by his side. 

The train ride home was also quiet. There was a tension in the air that you couldn't quite… name. It felt like any word you spoke was a risk, but you weren't sure why. Hyunjin seemed fine, whistling a tune like he was strolling through the park. 

You barely say a word, a soft goodbye the last thing the two of you exchange before heading your separate ways. 

-

“Did you hear? Hyunjin and y/n actually went on a date-”

“Shh! She’s right there!”

The fabric of your shirt was going to be incredibly stretched from the intense hold you had on it. You storm through the school, head bowed low. People were whispering already, and it was almost mortifying to hear their words. It was starting again, you could feel it. The rumours and the whispers. It wouldn’t be too long before the whole school new, and by then, you wouldn’t be speaking to Hyunjin again.

Which, if you were honest, was the last thing you wanted to happen.

You���re doing the one thing you never thought you would ever do - you’re looking for Hyunjin, and you knew where he would be.

Barging into his homeroom, you spot Hyunjin at the back, his head tilted back in a laugh. He was surrounded by two others - Jisung and Seungmin. Jisung spots you, eyes widening and hand reaching out to get Hyunjin’s attention. By the time Hyunjin sees you, you’re already reaching for the sleeve of his hoodie and pulling him out into the corridor.

It takes a few seconds to find a semi-empty area. You yank Hyunjin after you and finally twirl around to face him.

“Before you say anything, no, I don’t know how everyone already knows we went out. But I do have a genius idea."

Your foot is tapping the ground at a fast pace, and you feel like a character in Happy Feet.

Only, you weren’t so happy.

“Well, then you better find out how, because I already told you I’m not putting up with all of this again.”

He sighs, digging around in his pocket. “Well, here’s the $10 anyways.”

"That had better not be your genius idea."

"It's not. But it's the promised money."

“I don’t want the money.”

His hand stays hanging between you for a few more seconds before he shrugs and pushes the note into his pocket again.

“Look, I can ask Seungmin, but you can’t blame me for everyone talking about us.”

Talking about us.

The words hit some chord in you that you that made your entire body buzz with both anger and anxiety. Why were you the only one so affected by all this? Was Hyunjin not bothered? Were you just being dramatic?

You move to turn around, but Hyunjin calls for you.

“You know, people only talk and spread rumours about things they aren’t sure about. Things they don’t know.”

With gritted teeth, you pause. “What are you suggesting, Hwang Hyunjin?”

It takes less than a second for the corner of his mouth to shoot up in a self-satisfied smirk. “Date me. Go out with me. If you hate all of… the talk about ‘us’ so much, then let’s make it official, and then there won’t be any fun in making up rumours and teasing anymore.”

The world seems to slow down for a second, like a scene from a movie where everything blurs and fades out before suddenly coming crashing back. You’re not sure if you should yell at him for being so stupid or just walk away. 

“You’re kidding, right? This is your genius idea?”

He stays silent, his features falling lax again and shrugs, earning a scoff from you.

“Look, give it some thought. You know there’s some truth to what I’m proposing.”

Without another word, you shake your head at him and walk off.

The bell rings, and you join the stream of people heading towards their respective homeroom classes.

-

Hyunjin: there’s a party this weekend, so if you wanna take me up on the offer, tell me asap and we can go together

You throw your phone onto your bed with a frustrated sigh. You had avoided Hyunjin for the rest of the day, which wasn’t too hard, seeing that you only shared maths class together, and he sat on the opposite side. You’d found yourself sitting under the trees during lunch and recess, away from most of the student populace. Your friends had offered to come with you, but you had wanted to be alone.

Alone made it easier to think through everything.

You and Hyunjin got along rather well. Infact, had the rumours not started, you might have been rather good friends. You’d like to think that it was because of the rumours that you couldn’t talk to him properly anymore. You felt the need to be pushy, to shove him away - that was safe. Keep him at a distance, keep the rumours at a distance. 

But somewhere deep down, you knew you were just scared that you would prove the rumours right.

You were working on that, though. Not actually catching feelings for him. Which was going to prove hard. His proposal that morning did make sense - if you guys were to go out, then break up… there wouldn’t be any problems, right? No more rumours? Because why would people keep talking about something that actually happened?

Another ping comes from your phone, and you warily pick it up.

Hyunjin: when she leaves u on read :(

You: how did you even get my number?

Hyunjin: You gave me your number in chem??

Hyunjin: I missed a whole week and you said you’d help me if i needed

You: oh

You: i can't believe it's still saved on ur phone

Hyunjin: so what’s your reply to my offer and the party?

A curse slips past your lips, and your fingers move before you can think through everything.

You: fine.

Regret immediately fills your entire being, and you let out a groan. 

Hyunjin: Okay, see you tomorrow, honey ;)

You: say that again and i’ll puke

Hyunjin: h o n e y ;)

-

Getting up the next morning had been a hell of an ordeal. It was Friday; you only had to deal with Hyunjin for one more day, and then the party tomorrow night, and then you guys could stage some break up. 

You could do this.

Or, you thought you could, but by the time lunch came around, you weren’t too sure.

The morning had gone by breezily - Hyunjin had approached you on the way to period one - maths. 

“Couples walk together to class, honey.” He grins sideways at you as the pet name leaves his mouth.

While a part of you wanted to push him away, you reminded yourself that this was part of the act. The final act to end it all. You give in to the small, hopeful part of you from a few years ago - the part that wished Hyunjin was more a friend than a threat, and you let out a tch.

“Honestly, I think you can come up with something better than ‘honey’.” His hand snakes around your waist and he pulls you closer to him, avoiding the traffic of people running the other way. “Also, we need to set some rules.”

He gives you a look that reads “Are you serious? Rules?” but he doesn’t say anything. Reaching the classroom, you take a seat, trying not to stare as Hyunjin takes a seat next to you.

“I can’t believe this is the only class I share with my sugarplum… I better start sitting next to her more!” He says rather loudly, causing heads to turn.

You ignore the whispers that start, and shake your head at him. “Sugarplum is also a no.”

“Honey bear?”

“We already said no to honey.”

“Princess?”

“You’re certainly no prince.”

“Hey, that’s just mean!”

You crack a smile at him, and you’re both about to burst into laughter when the teacher enters. Class isn’t much different for the first twenty minutes or so. You’re looking at the board while the teacher talks, and you’re writing down notes and pointers she gives. The only difference was when you were told to get to individual work. 

“How do you like ‘kitten’?”

“I like kittens, but maybe don’t call me ‘kitten;.”

“I’m gonna assume ‘bunny’ is a no, too?”

“We’re getting somewhere, but you can do better.”

“Angel?”

You take a deep, shuddering breath. The word left his lips like sunlight, making your insides feel warm. “Yeah. I like that.”

“Okay, angel.” He pulls your notebook towards him and starts to doodle. “Just so you know, I don’t do work in class. I end up teaching myself at home half the time.”

“Well, I hope you know i do do my work, so don’t bother me.”

-

Hyunjin finds you at lunch by your locker.

“Y/n, Hyunjin’s coming this way-”

Your friends are worried, and they move to block you from view. It was a habit they had fallen into after you had voiced your concern about the whole ordeal. With a sigh, you shake your head.

“I know, it’s fine.”

“But if you guys are next to each other, the rumours- You heard the rumours too, right? That you went on a date?”

You push a tired smile on your face. “It’s true, we did.”

“You what-”

“Y/n, my angel! Let’s eat together!” Hyunjin bounces through the barrier your friends had created and throws an arm around your shoulders. “Hello, friends, I’m going to steal y/n today! We’re going to have a lunch-time date!”

Your friends can only stare, incredulous, as you reassure them that you were okay and you had agreed to this (which, honestly, you hadn’t. But you’d expected it to be happening, anyways).

His arm stays around your shoulders as he walks you outside the building. Passing by the basketball courts, a group of guys call out Hyunjin’s name. 

“Sorry, I’m hanging out with y/n!” He points at you as if to emphasise his point.

“You know, you’re making it very obvious you want everyone to know we’re dating, Hyunjin.”

“But isn’t that the point?” He cocks an eyebrow at you and grins.

“Wow, you guys are actually dating?” One of the guys let out a wolf whistle. “Good catch, man!”

It was starting again. You knew that it wasn’t like you would be left alone straight away, but this was stressful. It made you anxious.

You hear Hyunjin scoff, and you almost curl into him, hugging yourself. “Come on, let’s go.”

Picking up your pace, his arm falls from your shoulder. “Y/n, wait up!” 

Finding a bench under the tree, you quickly sit down. “Hey, I actually need to go to the library soon, so I can’t stay with you too long.”

“Library? I’ll come with you-”

“And then I need to see a teacher.”

The lies leave your lips quickly. It’s obvious to you that Hyunjin knows something isn’t right. He nods and doesn’t try to press on. 

“Okay, so why’d you come with me all this way then?”

You pull a peice of paper out of your pocket. You had written on it during your last class. Sliding it across the bench to Hyunjin, you watch his features scrunch up in confusion. He takes it into his hands and unfolds it.

Real rules for a fake relationship. (everything here stays confidential between us)

1. no sexual touching 2. no sexual remarks 3. do not say we’ve done it 4. no kissing on the lips. cheek kisses are permitted, but not in abundance.

“Anything you want to add?”

He reads the rules you have written, and then pulls a pen from his pocket.

Every bit of ink that left the tip seemed to taunt you, weighing you down.

5. no catching feelings.

“You write that like you’re that easy to fall for,” you whisper, moving to stand up. The words slip out quietly, and they almost seemed to be covered by the sound of the rustling leaves as the wind blows. You can't bring yourself to look at him right now.

“Well, it’d defeat the purpose of the whole fake dating concept, if you did.”

He wasn’t wrong, but the truth did little to conceal the strange bittersweetness in his voice. It did even less to ease the discomfort growing in your chest as you walked away.

-

Hyunjin: meet me here

Hyunjin: location attached.

It was after school now, and the ideal thing would be to go home and wallow in your discomfort and anxiety… but ignoring Hyunjin’s message would be an invitation for him to further question you. Besides, you could guess what this was all about, and it was probably only fair for you to explain.

You find him sitting in the corner of a cafe, thumb brushing across his screen as he aimlessly scrolls through his social media. You don’t greet him as you take a seat in front of him, placing your bag in your lap, and he doesn’t greet you either.

“I ordered some desert. It should be out soon.”

“Oh. That’s great.”

Gosh, you sounded so empty.

“So, do you… want to talk about it?”

You fiddle with the straps of your bag. “About what? Why should I?”

Hyunjin shrugs. “I mean… I know I make you uncomfortable, that much is obvious. But we were doing fine until lunch. You didn’t even see me for the rest of the day. Was it the whistling?”

A breath leaves your body faster than normal, and your jaw clenches. The desert arrives just as you start talking. 

You explain to him about the teasing - or, your side of it anyways - and all the remarks and comments you had gotten. It had been hard, and it was still hard, but he was right, it was getting better now. He stays silent the whole time, and you’re too scared to look at his face - did he think you were overthinking? Were you making it out worse than it actually was?

“... so I’m sorry, I guess.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know, but I’m sorry I let it get to me and then avoided you for months on end, and now we’re “dating” and I still get thrown off.”

The desert - a slice of cake - sat uneaten between the two of you.

“Well, how about this,” Hyunjin straightens up. His voice is soft and gentle. He taps the table in front of you, catching your attention, and you look up at him. “After this, after we break up, let’s make up for the time we could have been friends. It’s not like I don’t want to be friends or anything, y/n.”

He offers you a smile that makes his eyes disappear, and you let out a shaky laugh. “Okay. Thank you.”

Shaking his head, he picks up a fork. “No need to thank me. Being friends again sounds nice. Now, eat, angel. You can’t expect me to finish this by myself.”

It was unplanned and you never thought you would have done it, but you spend the rest of the afternoon with Hyunjin. He (conveniently) needed to buy a new shirt and insisted on dragging you along. 

“Couples go on dates, y/n. Besides, you can help choose something that will match what you’re wearing tomorrow!”

His idea threw you off guard, but you laugh and go along with it. 

It was easy, hanging out with Hyunjin outside of school. You were free from the anxiety of being  caught together, or whispers and rumours and for a while - just a while - you wished that it could always be like this. 

“Try a size smaller.”

“But this is the style, y/n. Baggy shirts-”

“Just try a size smaller! It’ll look better with what I’m wearing.”

Hyunjin is skeptical, but he goes and tries the same shirt on in a smaller size. He walks out, and your jaw drops.

“Shut up, you look like a model.”

“Don’t I always?” His words come out half hearted, and you’re too in shock to see the tips of his ears go red. “Y/n, stop staring. I know I look good, but I can’t look that good.”

“Sorry, I just- dude, you look so hot right now!” Half of your brain was yelling at you to shut up, but the other half was so amazed by Hyunjin.

The shirt hung from his body like it was tailored to his size. It would look formal if he buttoned it up all the way, but you watched as he unbuttoned it half way and tucked half of the shirt in. It gave the outfit a new, messy but elegant look.

“If you rock up like that tomorrow, everyone’s going to be all over you.”

“Then you be my guardian angel,” He grins and looks at your reflection in the mirror. “I’m yours, aren’t I?”

Your heart lurches, and you remember that oh, right. You’re dating - fake dating, and it was all going to end tomorrow.

“Whatever.” You force a smile onto your face. “Hurry up and pay, ‘Jin. I need to get home before dinner.”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows are raised, and he points a finger at you. “I like that. ‘Jin.”

“Go pay then, ‘Jin.”

“Okay, okay, miss bossy pants!”

The next few hours are spent with hazy thoughts of Hyunjin in your head. He’s walking next to you, and you’re tempted to hold his hand. He’s sitting next to you on the train, and gosh, you just wanted to lean over and rest your head on his shoulder. He turns to walk to his street, and you feel the desire to hug him goodbye. You’re eating dinner, surrounded by your family, and you’re wondering what they would think if you introduced Hyunjin to them.

You’re laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and you’re wondering what it would be like to have him next to you, to sleep with his chest to your back, to dream next to him.

But you know you can’t. This just can’t happen.

You dream of him - of kissing him and holding him. Of laughing next to him and intertwining your legs, of sitting in the car while he drives.

You wake up with a strange feeling in your chest, his words from yesterday lingering in your head.

“I’m yours, aren’t I?”

You try to go about your morning without giving thought to the message he had sent you at some early hour.

Hyunjin: hey, we need to talk tomorrow.

-

The booming music does little to help calm your nerves as Hyunjin drags you through the house. You’re aware of the eyes following the two of you - Hyunjin and y/n, dating at last, and now on their way to find a quiet room. You could pretty much guess what they’d be saying tomorrow. There had already been plenty of jokes and comments made about the two of you, although more of them were praise and shock rather than sexual and discomforting.

You finally find a spare room - it must have been a storage room of some sort, for there were boxes against the walls and a dusty bookshelf with almost everything but books on it.

Hyunjin pulls you to face him, and you get your first proper look at him (for the whole night, you had been standing anxiously at his side with his arm around your waist.

The shirt you had chosen for him paired with simple black jeans. His ears were adorned with silver jewellery, and you’re not sure if his lips always looked that pretty or if he had put something on them.

“We need to talk.”

“Yes, you said that this morning.”

“I think I’ve broken a rule.”

It takes you a moment to figure out what he was saying. Your mind flashes to the list of rules you had written, and you let out a groan.

“You told everyone that we had sex?!”

He blinks at you rapidly, his mouth opening and closing in shock. “I- No! I didn’t mean that rule! I meant the one that I added.”

No sexual touching… No sexual remarks…. Do not say we’ve done it… No kissing on the lips…. No catching feelings.

Oh.

“And I really, really want to break another one right now.”

It takes all your willpower not to step away from him and cave in on yourself. 

The idea of breaking up was easier when you thought he didn’t like you. It was easier to keep your feelings at bay when you thought it was one sided.

“Hey, Hyunjin?”

His eyes seem almost glazed over. “Mhmm?”

“At what point is this all… real?” You sneak a glance up at him, holding his eyes when he meets yours.

“What- What do you mean?”

“If you kiss me now, would this be real? Or was it real from the moment we- you caught feelings for me?” 

It was him who caught feelings, not you. You had told yourself not to let it get too far.

“It’s… Do you not… You don’t…?”

Do you not like me back?

You swallow thickly, pulling your eyes away. “I can’t.”

“Okay.”

It’s Hyunjin who steps away. It’s Hyunjin who grabs a random cup someone had left in the room and pours it on himself. It’s for “staging” he says, to make it seem like you guys had had an argument.

He’s walking away, and his words from yesterday resonates in your head like a metal ball with too much momentum.

“Being friends again sounds nice.”

That didn’t seem too likely, after all this.

----------

an alternative ending has been written!

[anika-ann]

Lessons in Rule-breaking - Pt.1

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader    Word count: 4100

Warnings: ...nothing major? Swearing, fluff, mention of death.

Summary: Working part-time at Smithsonian for a while now, you knew you could get in trouble when breaking the no-newcomers-after-30-minutes-before-the-closing-time rule, but you sure didn’t expect the trouble to look like this.

Story Masterlist

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 You were bored. Enormously. The clock was telling you there was still twenty minutes until the closing time and that time was always filled with boredom – half an hour ago, impressive crowds were still flooding the Captain America’s exhibition as if it was The Independence Day aka Cap’s birthday. Now, with the well-known rule of not letting any newcomers in less than 30 minutes before the closing time, the counter desk was painfully empty. Hence the boredom and the idle hands.

As far as you heard, idle hands were the devil’s tools and maybe it was the truth – but here in Smithsonian, there weren’t many things for the devil operate with. Sure, you could go to another level for a different exhibition and mix up some captions to artefacts, but that seemed like too much work and with how crowded the space was, it was next to impossible. Another option was to pull the fire alarm, but you weren’t that much of a punk.

So, most of the time, you settled with watching people around you – unlike when the insane number of people was flowing in and if you hadn’t had an ID shoved into your face allowing a children discount you wouldn’t have known if a kid was coming or an adult, a man, a woman, a farmer, the freaking president or Captain America himself – finally having the time to relax. You weren’t proud of barely paying attention during the busy hours, but… well. You made up for that in the free time in the evening.

There was a kid with a backpack with Captain America’s shield on it, watching what could be his brother in his father’s arms as he was holding the kid up right next to the panel showing Captain’s transformation from the skinny boy to a walking rock. Very cute rock. Anyway, in the corner, an incredibly bored-looking girl was pulling her mother’s sleeve, impatient to get out, perhaps looking forward to seeing a cartoon instead of a war museum exhibit. There was a guy rolling his eyes at his girlfriend, who was standing by the display of authentic outfits (and mannequins, the source of the man’s annoyance, if you could take a guess), making heart eyes at the Captain’s figure; you couldn’t hold back a giggle and looked away.

Which was exactly when you noticed the pair on the different side of the gate, outside of the space of exhibition. It was a woman with a boy who couldn’t be older than six years old. He would have been cute, a ginger with several freckles on his nose and cheeks, looking like he would have dimples when smiling, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood for smiling. In fact, he seemed wrecked. Glassy tears were rolling down his cheeks, welled up in huge eyes and he sniffed from time to time. The woman whom you assumed was his mother was trying to comfort him, herself wearing a helpless expression.

Alright, you were leaving your post right now. Perhaps it was the devil’s handiwork indeed, maybe it was none of your business, whatever the kid was crying for. But it was breaking your heart. You approached them rapidly, and being just few steps from them, you could see the mum pointing at a sign – the sign that was telling them that they could no longer enter the exhibition.

Ah, damn.

“Can I help you?” you asked politely, the woman’s gaze immediately snapping your direction, startled a bit. She eyed your nametag.

“No, no thank you,” she brushed you off, an apologetic smile on her lips. The kid sniffed again.

“Alright. If you’re sure…”

You backed off quickly, spinning on your heels and mentally slapping yourself. Why had you come to them again?

“But mommy-“

“No, Jamie, sweetheart. We’re late, we spent too much time in the park. We’ll have to come here another time-“ the woman explained patiently, her voice gentle but firm.

You bit your lip but started walking. Rules. There were rules.

“But you said we’re coming home in the morning! I’ll never see Captain America,” he sobbed and your heart sank. They must have been tourists.

But nope. No exceptions. You would do it once and then it would become a standard. Not to mention you could also get freaking fired for it— well, probably not fired, just punished, but still. Rules.

“We do, honey. We’ll have to come-“

“But you promised!”

Yeah, that was enough. You turned to them again and squatted to the kid. He frowned at you, his lower lip trembling. Oh boy, now you were lost to him.

“There are rules that need to be followed,” you said quietly and the kid sobbed again. The mother looked at you, caught between apologetic and angry about you moralizing her kid. You quickly continued. “But, we have one more rule here that not many people know. Can you keep a secret?”

The boy seemed intrigued enough, which was good. You eyed the woman; she was watching you in anticipation, probably ready to report you for harassment, but curious about what your play was.

The kid nodded.

“Good. I’ll tell you, but I’m gonna ask you a question first, okay?” Another nod. “Who’s Captain America?”

“A hero!” the kid replied immediately, his eyes lighting up with a spark of excitement. You couldn’t help but smile.

“And why is he a hero?”

“Because he’s strong! And he has the shield! I have a Frisbee like him! He’s the best superhero!”

You bit the inside of your cheek at the idea of what the big hero would think about his shield being compared to a Frisbee – it certainly wasn’t the first time you heard this, but it never failed to amuse you.

“Really? That’s great. But do you know why he’s a real hero?”

The boy seemed thoughtful for a second before he measured you with wide eyes, clueless.

“Because,” you whispered, leaning closer to him conspiratorially, “he has a good heart and he’s helping people.”

The kid was in awe. The mother stared at you, still unsure of what you would do.

“Now the secret – we have one more rule here. If someone has enough strength to open the ticket barrier, he can come in even if there is only 20 minutes left.” Jamie’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open. “But, he can’t only open it for himself. He needs to be of a good heart and let someone else in. Do you think you can do that? Are you good?”

The kid immediately nodded in agreement, taking his mum’s hand. You smiled at him and looked at the woman hesitantly. Did you just screw up?

“Can you really let us in?” she asked you lowly when you levelled yourself with her. You just nodded wordlessly. You would have to put in someone’s year pass, but it would work.

The boy practically pulled his mum to the ticket barrier, impatient. He tried to push before you even took your place by the computer. The barrier didn’t move, of course. You mentally grinned at his confused expression and quickly entered a pass. He tried again, an amazed smile on his lips as he went through. Being on the other side, he pulled so his mum could get in too. He had an extremely focused expression on his face and he was too cute for his own good. The way he lighted up when the woman got in was simply priceless.

“Mom! I’m strong and good like Captain America!” he exclaimed enthusiastically and the woman patted his head lovingly.

“Yes, sweetheart. Now, let’s thank the nice lady-“

“Thank you!”

“You’re welcome. Now go to see your hero,” you whispered encouragingly, anxious to get them moving. You were suddenly worried that your interaction might attract someone’s curious eye. You prayed it hadn’t.

The mother shot you one more grateful look and let her son to drag her away. You went to throw the tickets away to destroy the evidence, picking few more on your way – why did people throw these on the floor when the trashcan was like three meters away?

"That was really nice of you."

"Crap!” you cursed, nearly jumping out of your skin at the fright. Someone had seen you let the kid in. Definitely. Oh shit. You quickly spun to the male voice. “I— please don't report me. I’m-“

You froze when you saw the man who had witnessed your offence to the regulations, recognizing him immediately despite his baseball cap and casual stance.

“OH CRAP."

"You seem to swear a lot though," he noted, the smile on his lips amused, cheeky even.

Captain America was a cheeky man. Who would have guessed? Not you, that was for sure. You slowly let the impossible fact of Steve Rogers being here sink in. It was not an easy task, your mind kept screaming ‘holy shit, Captain America is here and talking to me’, but that was not the main problem – the rule-breaking was. Captain America caught you breaking a rule. You were so fired.

"Well, someone who is not just anyone, caught me breaking a rule that is written in huge-a-“ you closed you mouth before another curse could leave you mouth, remembering his… teasing? “-huge letters for everyone to see. The American symbol of righteousness did, actually. I count myself entitled."

You were honestly proud of yourself for saying so many sentences without a stutter despite freaking out.

His smile turned a bit bashful, the amused spark remaining in his eyes only. Really? He was self-conscious? And now? Wow. Did he notice his face was all over the walls? The entire exposition was about him for god’s sake.

"I won't report you. I told you – I think it was really nice of you."

You hesitantly smiled back, still unsure. "Uhm... okay."

And then you did something you excelled at. You spun on your heels and returned behind the counter, pretending you didn’t exist. You didn’t even say goodbye; yet, you would swear that when was Steven Grant Rogers disappearing behind a corner, he glanced at you over his shoulder with a smile.

The moment you couldn’t see him anymore, you let your elbows hit the counter desk and your head fell into your palms with a whine.

You had talked to Captain America. He had been ridiculously nice despite – or because – of what he had seen you doing. And you ran away. You were such an idiot.

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To say that you forgot about the incident before it was time to kick people out would be a big fat lie – mainly because it had been only tens of minutes. It was time to close the exposition for visitors. The guards always took care of people, reminding them that it was time to go and by eight o’clock, the last individuals were leaving so you could close the gate. Today was your turn to check on the space once more as the guards were switching shifts and so you rose to your feet to perform your duty as your sort-of-friend Mia waved you goodbye.

Usually, there were no ‘left-overs’ as you called people who somehow managed to escape the security and stayed in. But naturally, with your turn being today, there had to be an exception.

You slowly approached the man standing by Sergeant Barnes’ panel, realizing who he was within several feet distance. You stopped dead in your tracks, unsure what do to.

What would anyone else do when finding Captain America standing by his dead best friend’s panel after clock? ‘Cause you sure as hell had no clue how you should proceed. You nervously bit your lip, continuing your way with no plan.

You stopped two steps from him, opening your mouth and-- no words came out. You closed it again, clearing your throat.

“Captain Rogers, uhm…“

He glanced at you, seemingly surprised, as if he only acknowledged you now, when you were standing at arm’s length – well, his anyway. His blue eyes measured you, a bit confused until he looked around only to see no one else was here. How the hell did the guard miss him? Or had he left him here? Should you do the same?

"Sorry, I'm leaving," he whispered with a forced smile, sparing one more glance at the board. You did the same, your eyes landing on the date of birth of the soldier. Your heart sank. Oh. It was suddenly very clear whether you should leave Captain alone here or not; it was the anniversary of his best friend’s birthday.

"You don't... you don't have to,” you blurted out hastily, waving it off in a wannabe casual gesture. He tilted his head, confused. “I need to do some… administrative stuff anyway. Have your moment."

"Really? Bending the rules again?" he asked, the teasing coming out much less challenging than he probably intended. You shrugged.

"Only if it's okay with the Star-Spangled Man."

He lowered his gaze to the floor, but a tiny grateful smile played on his lips. "It is. Thank you."

"It's nothing."

"It's a lot. And... my name is Steve."

He peeked at you from under his unnaturally long eyelashes, his eyes saying more than his words or tone. You felt your heart jump nervously, blood rushing to your cheeks. He actually extended his hand for you to shake. His hand was freaking huge – yet, it closed around yours rather gently despite being able to crush your bones to dust or something.

"Nice to meet you… Steve. It's an honour." One corner of his lips rose higher at the note and you just wished to disappear into thin air before you would turn into a puddle of lovesick jelly with rapidly beating heart. You took your leave hastily, whispering over your shoulder. “Take your time.”

It was only few minutes later when you were dully staring at the computer screen on the counter that you realized you hadn’t even introduced yourself to the man you apparently had a crush on – you were fucking working at his exhibition, how had you missed that? You whimpered silently and resisted urge to bang your forehead against the desk.

Almost thirty minutes later, you really needed to leave and kick Capt— Steve out. You really, really didn’t want to do that. You had secretly hoped he would pass your desk during ‘administrative stuff’ time, but he hadn’t.

Approaching him by the very same board you had left him at, you felt like a monster.

“Lots of memories?” you tried out, minding to whisper so you wouldn’t startled him like the last time.

“Yeah, more than I can count. Mostly the good ones though. He saved me from getting beat to a pulp multiple times. Often dragged me out to dance, because he met a new girl and she was generous enough to bring a friend – not that she was interested in a guy who was barely reaching her shoulders,” he hummed, remembering his pre-serum times probably. There was nothing malicious or envious in his words. He seemed melancholic. “Bucky was a true ladies’ man.”

You couldn’t help but grin – sure, with Bucky’s looks and him being excellent at about everything, you could imagine. But it was a little different, hearing it from Captain America himself.

“Was he now?”

“Oh yes. The first time a beautiful woman looked at me rather than at him, he said he was living a nightmare becoming me.”

“He didn’t,” you whispered incredulously, silencing the giggle that wanted to escape your lips. Damn, some best friend he was; you were sure Bucky only had been teasing and it felt so casual, so normal, just two friends making fun of each other. It wasn’t exactly easy to imagine that when all you had ever heard were legends of their bravery.

Steve glanced at you with a corner of his eye. “He did.”

“That’s mean. What did you say?”

His smile grew wider. “Not to be sore about it, because she sure had a friend.”

You burst out laughing, feeling like Mr. Righteous suddenly stepped into a column of light which made him someone completely else. Cheeky. Mischievous. Friendly in the most common way. Human. Just a guy. Just a kid from Brooklyn.

“I take it I really need to leave now,” he noted, his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans as if he truly was a regular guy walking down the street. Unbelievable.

“Depends,” you hummed, not sure where that came from. “You have more fun facts like this to share? Or not funny ones, just interesting?”

He tilted his head curiously, examining you, trying to figure out whether you were serious.

“You won’t get into trouble?”

You shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

“In that case, I actually do. Follow me, madam.”

An hour later, your cheeks hurt, your tear ducts were probably dried up completely and your head was full of so many new information it should hurt, but instead, it was just buzzing pleasantly. Also, you were sure you had a heart condition, because that constant flutter could not be healthy. You were tired, yet, you found yourself being disappointed that the special tour was ending.

"Okay, now I feel really sorry we don't do guided tours. I would be so popular..." you exclaimed, rewarded by a grin from Steve.

"It's a thing to consider. You should offer it to your boss."

You let out probably very unattractive snort. "Sure. And why would we wanna do that, miss? Because Captain America took me on a tour and told me very interesting details. He would probably want to run blood tests to check for drugs or something.... Thank you, Capt— Steve. I imagine it couldn't have been all easy."

"It's memories. It still... still feels more like home," he admitted and after so many rather light facts, you were reminded of just how heavy his destiny was.

"I can't imagine that. Waking up after seventy years. It's..."

"Insane?" he offered, eyebrow raised.

"I was gonna say ‘lonely’, but sure, ‘insane’ works. Everything has to be so different."

"It is. The progress of technology... I mean... just phones and computers. It's… a lot."

"Yeah... I wonder how much the world would change if I fell asleep for 70 years now. Theories? More like flying cars or a huge garbage bin like in Wall-E?"

"Wall-E?" he questioned, looking a bit confused. Only then it hit you – he probably hadn’t seen it.

"Oh, right. It's an animated film set in the future. A robot named Wall-E is on Earth, searching for a sign of life, fauna, flora, anything, while the rest of humanity is on a huge spaceship. Not your typical Pixar movie. I remember seeing it as a kid and being bored out of my mind when the first twenty minutes was just the robot moving between trash and occasionally saying ‘Wall-E’. It gets better though. Still, it's pretty far from movies like Finding Nemo."

"…I don't know what that is either.”

"Dude! You gotta check out Finding Nemo!" you called out, half outraged, half excited. Then you froze. "I mean— sorry. Jesus, I just called you a dude-"

What was wrong with you? You had had troubles to switch from Captain to Steve, and now he was a dude? Talk about respect, young lady…

But Steve just laughed at you, a full-belly laugh with his head thrown backwards and it was so normal and relaxed that you found yourself starring incredulously and possibly a little bit in love.

"That's okay, really. You got very excited."

"It's an amazing movie! Do you... do you catch up with pop culture?" you asked, honestly curious.

Seventy years’ worth of books, movies, TV series, music, theatre… wow. You couldn’t imagine that.

"I'm trying," he admitted, pulling out a small notebook and a pen. For a split second, you thought he was gonna give you his phone number, which was ridiculous of course. He wrote something down, smiling. "Now I have other tips.” Now that made more sense. “Do they still play that?"

"Yeeeah... no. Not by a long shot. You can always downlo— how does Captain America feel about downloading stuff from the internet? I mean..."

"That's like... putting it into your computer without paying a single dollar, right?" he asked, just to be sure. It was cute.

"Yep. Which I don't do. At all."

His laugh was more subtle this time, but his eyes were locked with yours, causing you butterflies, so there was that. "Well, Captain America is very disappointed in you. Steve understands."

"Thanks, Steve. Is it offensive to say that it somehow matters to me more?"

"Not really."

His eyes shined and his smile was wrapping you in a soft warm blanket and you knew that if there was something you definitely didn’t want it was saying goodbye and never seeing this man again. In flesh, that was, the exhibition didn’t count. Your mind raced.

"...I just got the craziest idea."

"If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it,” he quoted god knew who. You assumed it was a quote, not that you wanted to underestimate this wonderful man. “Hit me with it."

You gulped nervously. This was as terrible idea as it was an amazing one.

"There are old slide projectors in here, sure... but there are digital projectors too. If you... if you wanted to... have a cinema-like atmosphere, I can download the movie for you to watch it here,” you offered reluctantly, carefully observing his reaction. “Hell, we have a microwave in personal’s, I can even make popcorn!”

He blinked at you, the shiny baby-blues baffled.

“Or not. It's a silly idea-"

"No!” he protested quickly, smiling reassuringly at you. “It's... it sounds really nice. Do you think the guards would be... okay with that? You did mean after closing time, right?"

Did he just say yes?

"Yeah, of course! And yes, I mean... it would be for Captain America. How could they say no?"

His cheeks seemed to flush – but that must have been the lighting only, right? Captain America was not freaking blushing. Though he did look a bit timid. "You would really do that?"

"Sure. I mean... I can try."

"Alright ��� but only if it's not too much trouble. I wouldn't want you to have problems with your employer," he said sincerely, his eyes locked with yours again and your heart honest to god stopped.

Christ, was he trying to give you a heart attack?

“ ’kay,” you breathed, completely lost, mesmerized by the intensity of his gaze.

What was your name again?

“If I give you my phone number, will you text me when you would have time?”

It was official; you had died and went to heaven. An incredibly attractive man was standing in front of you practically shoving you his phone number and it might have been purely friendly, but still. Oh. My. God.

“Yep.”

Really? ‘Yep’?

He pulled out the notebook again, tearing one page and writing down the digits. You forgot how to breathe. This was really happening. He handed you the paper with a shy smile and whispered ‘here you go.’ When he added your name, you were about to swoon.

He wrote down not only the number, but his name too. You found it adorable, chuckling at that.

“You think I’m carrying lots of phone numbers in my pockets, Steve?” you teased him about it a little and he seemed confused at first, until something that was not a flirtatious smile for sure settled on his lips.

“Wouldn’t surprise me.”

Your breath caught in your throat, some inner voice screaming at you not to interpret it in a wrong way. Steve was a very nice person, that was a fact. He probably didn’t even realize how that sounded. Yeah, that was it.

You laughed it off. “Sure. Thanks, Steve, I’ll let you know. Hopefully, you won’t be busy.” Alright, backpedal, backpedal. “Thank you for the special tour, Captain.”

“You’re very welcome, ma’am,” he saluted and you chuckled silently. Who was this guy? Did you imagine this? Were you high? Maybe you really needed the blood tests… “Have a good night-- you need a ride?”

You almost choked on your own spit. BACKPEDAL.

Oh yes, you could use a ride. Whatever that meant.

You smiled awkwardly. “Uhm… no thank you. Goodnight, Steve.”

He returned the goodbye with a tiny smile.

You held the delighted shriek inside until five minutes passed since the door closed behind him.

You were in so much trouble.

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Part 2 (final)

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Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​

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Awww, this one is an oldie of mine. Even more fluff than usual and that’s saying something...