#so bad around work atm
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It's just me and my brownie mocha against the anxiety today 🥲 I can do it
#anxiety#so bad around work atm#feel like i am doing everything wrong and everyone hates me#but also trying to remember i'm doing so many things for the first time#idk how to do them until i ask#so i have to be the annoying newbie asking questions all the time#has to be done#everyone else has done the same#im just scared my manager is pissed off w me bc im trying to actually help a customer#but theres so many hoops to jump through to get the docs she wants#even tho she was sent them in the first place idk why i have to get so much approval to resend them#but whatever#my job is to help ppl im trying to do that#personal#mental health#bank holiday on monday so only 4 day week next week#i got this
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#regarding the far right riots happening in the uk. i'm genuinely terrified of going into work. like me and my best friend#both work right at the city centre near market street where all kinds of protests happen and sure#there's police patrol happening but like. both of us work at places that are filled with immigrants#and the trams/buses we take to get to work goes through immigrant populated areas and knowing these places are being targeted atm#just makes me feel so fearful to get to work to just leave my house and get out#luckily nothing's happened around where i live but in a neighborhood 20 mins away from me people were arrested#and like 2 mins away from where i work too#i just really truly hope that me and my best friend are safe through this cuz like. of late i've had people be quite racist to me and i just#don't want anything bad to happen to me or her. big sigh#to delete later
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Mammoth cave was glorious, actually
#Hey Americans I’m in your country atm isn’t that crazy#Visiting a friend and mine beloved also#But my main request was to see the caves. Mammoth cave specifically#And oh my gosh it was so wonderful?????#So BIG!!!!! Every other cave I’ve been in has been quite narrow and small but this was one SO BIG#THE CHAMBERS!!!!!#Could totally fit a kingdom in there ngl ;)#Which makes me very happy#If you want I’ll share my bad pictures. Or we can wait and I’ll steal my friends significantly better pictures aha?#Anyway. truly beloved. I want to go back#I also want to be a park ranger but you have to be a US citizen to do that so#Also I’m offline more cause I’m travelling. On days like this my friend is working so I’m around more#We come and go
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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do yall ever think about how weird wash's fight scene in s12 is? specifically, that moment where he does that sideways flip while shooting (I believe) at felix? like wash is an enjoyer of combat rolls, my man is always rolling, but that one flip is a flashy, and dare I say, unnecessary move for wash to use.
I also find it interesting that they had him use his sidearm instead of his battle rifle, since in previous cqc situations wash has always used blades or blade like objects such as the epsilon unit. the only times I recall him using a magnum off the top of my head is when he shot south in s6, when he shot donut in s8, and when he threatened carolina in s10. if wash busting out his magnum, it's always symbolic of him letting some part of his personal feelings guide his actions, because shooting someone with a sidearm meant for close range is more intimate than using his primary mid/long range weapon.
this was obviously not the case in the s12 fight, and they probably did it just because it looked cool, but idk that's my random wash thought of the day.
#rvb#red vs blue#agent washington#mine#not t/oaru#look we all know that the chorus trilogy combat doesn't compare to monty's but idk i feel like they just didn't /get/ wash's fighting style#wash is pretty nimble and quick on his feet#he's not as graceful or as aggressive(?) as lina but he's definitely the kind of guy who doesn't just stand around and let himself get hit#words are not working atm so idk how to describe it but he's like not an exact equivalent but he acts as lina's counterpart among the dudes#like he's not staying in one place he's not muscle-ing his way through a fight he's dodging weaving dancing around his opponents#if he needs to get close he gets close if he needs to back off he backs off#carolina is short bursts of high intensity combat meant to overwhelm her opponents#wash is more focused on endurance and steadily picking away at his opponents over a longer period of time#but they both share that sort of “it's not bad if you don't let it hit you” mentality if that makes sense#also related to this post. why did he cut his hand and throw his blood on locus in the s13 fight. wash literally fought the meta who used#the same cloaking tech without needing to do anything like that bc he paid attention to his surroundings#or when he needed to take off his helmet to find locus via the trail from his gun#like yeah its cool but. idk it doesn't /feel/ like stuff wash would necessarily do you know?#idk I'm chalking it up to miles going like “my characters need to be so much better and so much cooler than these characters.” or smthn
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Trying to get ahead of an unsustainability cycle that might be starting up this week,,, (I start work).
#this turned into a bit of a rant whoops#mypost#have been chilling recovering from breast reduction the last month#steadily helping my mom out around the house more and more#but neow imma be working a ~35hr week (not including commute times during rush hour rip)#starting tmr#and I’m remembering that 1) it takes me more time to shower bc I have to be careful with boobz. also I have to wash my bra every night bc da#scars can’t get infected. so the whole process of showering is connected to also washing and drying my bra and putting on lotions n such so#it takes an hour minimum#2) doing stuff for my mom… is always spontaneous and urgent and takes up more time/energy than I think#3) my mom is bad at food stuff on a personal level and that’s transferring to the household bc a lot of stuff including a) she’s hella busy#and stressed. b) the price of food 💀keeps goin up ayoo. c) she is restricting herself to only eating twice a day??? idk why????#d) she also considers a meal to be anything she throws together no matter how unbalanced/nontasty it is#e) I’m also so bad at cooking/meal prep/etc but lowkey have a Thing abt food rn and cannot eat random junk even if I’m v hungry#. all this to say: idk how to do my household duties (communicating with mom. nightly dishes. small stuff that builds) when I have a feeling#imma be hella hungry this whole week.#WAIT I FORGOT THO IMMA BE MAKING MONEYYYY 💰 💴 💵 so I can pay for lunch at work ayooo#((not thinking abt budgeting atm lol 😬. I’m fortunate enough to have a 529 plan for college so semester times are all g)#4) I’m also doing two coursera courses atm (personal finance for young adults and Good With Words) …. I will prob not be able to get much#done in these courses when I have a full week rip#5) I gotta prepare for abroad (applying for visa. dealing with large government structures 😭😭😭) and in general attend to my emails#all dis. hmm#oh and also personal upkeep: gotta order eczema lotion. gotta get in contact with doctors abt leg and jaw PT. gotta follow thru with PT.#falling behind on a productive schedule while balancing my moms needs and my needs and my long-term health/personal project stuff is gonna#be difficult…#hm#writing this out is. hm.#all g all g I am a young adult I gotta handle this stuff now 🧑#great freedom = great responsibility and all that shiz#FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE TO EXERCISE TOO FUCK!!!! DANG NABBIT
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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scrounging about on the facebook gc like plssss let me cover your shifts people pls pls im a poor little girlie shaking a bell at u pls u want to give me your shift sooo bad
#posted on fb bc my prick manager aired my text saying that I’m about for work#so I got desperate bc i NEED to be saving atm america is TWO MONTHS AWAY#so I was just like ‘hi guys if anyone needs a shift covering this week im free’#within A MINUTE i had two shifts these people are desperate 😭#i feel like I’m having peoples laundry thrown at me while I run around grabbing it all#like YES YOU DONT WANT HOURS YOU WANT ME TO HAVE THEM SOOO BAD#it’s so annoying having to do this like if you’d just PUT ME ON ROTA but noooo i have to do everything my damn self#hella slaves to capitalism
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yesterday i read a splatoon comic anf its made me want to work on ny own ocs again.... love and peace on planet earth
#like something p bad happened in my personal life around the time i was working on them so i couldnt really continue BUT... im cured#the interesting thing i found abt the comic i read is that its explicitly stated to be during the time between s1-2 anf that was#super interesting and now in thinking abt when my story should take place ough#like i think after splat2 maybe splat3 bc octolings ALSO OMFG REMEMBER THAT ONE COMIC#the splatoon 1 comic where this red octoling (like singleplayer hairstyle yk) went up to inkopolis bc oo culture and she had a kettle as her#headgear i loved that comic omgg#anyway etmtmrmrm yeah im cooking thumbs up#im just thinking so hard abt if mt characters should be inklings or octolings or whatever agryhrhr (<- used to be inkoctoling truther)#like mc ie probs inkling bc ingame lore reasons dunno and im not sure abt thr second guyy agrhrhr (he is octoling atm but we'll see)#splatoon posting#raidenloml posting
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I don't personally enjoy death in my stories for one because I have no experience with it personally and for two because you can't torture a character anymore once they've died 😇
#and I mean like perma death not talking abt any afterlifes and the afterlife in my story is based on DnD type deals#but even harder to get to like people can't just die and come back like nothing it is a PROCESS and NOT an easy one and also#not commonly practiced because it is rare to get it right (to be more direct it HASN'T been gotten right yet it's just a theory atm)#I never talk about my story or character OCs BUT I guess here's a taste of it#anyway I don't really kill off my characters but if I do experience a death of some sort then I probably will start writing abt it#but for now my characters are relatively safe also this isn't to say I'm unwilling to write abt death I just don't feel equip to handle it#in terms of a story revolving or somewhat revolving around a grieving process of some sort of dealing with all the different feelings#I dunno that stuff so I wouldn't write it as of right now#torture on the other hand#OH a good example for how I view the whole death thing in my story is kinda like Adventure Time#like that episode with Ghost Princess like ghosts and other paranormal stuff exist and are prominent#and they do go and meet with death thru a portal but that's like the surface level afterlife you can't really hit the deeper levels#unless you are dead and no one can see that stuff unless they are dead like when Finn dies we finally see what it's all like#as for like the levels and stuff I dunno abt all that I have like a very vague concept of how that would work but it's kinda like#beyond human comprehension y'know? that's how I view it and like death is PERMANENT and it's not suppose to be messed with#or bad things happen 👻👻👻#there are even more things abt it like little exceptions to the rules but the rules still apply even still it's just like#living on borrowed time or being forced to like#well I don't wanna get too much into that tho that's like super spoilers#but man I enjoy thinking abt it
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hey folks, just wanted to let you know that i'll be taking a break from tumblr for a little while (see previous post for explanation). i've realised that all this drama is really getting to me, and so i think i should keep my distance for now to protect my mental health, until things have calmed down and/or i'm in a better headspace to deal with it. i'll definitely be back though! i love my weird little corner of the internet too much to abandon it permanently. thank you to everyone who reacted to my vent post, it made me feel a lot less alone <3
#atm there are so many different opinions floating around that i find it very difficult to make up my mind about the article#i still think that at least some of the points are valid but it may not be as simple as people (myself included) have made it out to be#harlan guthrie of malevolent made a post about it that imo offers a really interesting alternative perspective#so i'd encourage people to check that out if theyve read the article so they can get a more balanced view#but i'll try not to draw any conclusions until we have more evidence#but i think its important to remember that boycotting rq network shows because of this will only harm the creators#and even for tma i personally dont believe that rq deserves sole (or even most of the) credit#for turning it into something that resonated with so many people#many of those who worked on tma arent rq execs or even all that involved with rq outside of tma (including jonny himself ofc)#so i think itd be a real shame if rq's (alleged) shady business practices ruined tma for people to whom it really meant something#my excitement about tmp has certainly been... dampened but i'll still try to approach it with an open mind#as long as jonny is working on it (and seems genuinely excited about it) i'm cautiously optimistic that it won't be a bad story#but i'm rambling again so tldr: shit is complicated#i really need to pick up my meds today because this is not a great time to be going through antidepressant withdrawal#todays a bad pain day so i'm not thrilled about leaving the house but whatever#anyway bye for now! see y'all (hopefully) soon :)
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i'm getting anxious asldkjfa
#okay so idk if i've talked about my current situation much#lived in one place for seven years; despised it but didn't have the funds to move#my living situation went to shit and i saw no feasible way out aside from taking my aunt up on her offer of moving in#with her and my grandma indefinitely (aka until i could find a new job and afford to move out again)#did this so i could focus on finishing my school work and also move to this side of the state because fuck eastern WA tbh#but....now that i'm here......#like it's nice living rent free atm especially considering there is no cashflow#however.............................#they're both extremely conservative; which is a choice but okay; religious; and homophobic (and frequently make homophobic comments)#also they have three chihuahuas of varying levels of derangement so i'm just having the time of my life here#first of all they all poop and pee in the house at wild abandon. the number of times i've stepped in it at this point is...too many#rat dog number 1: has the most annoying bark/whine combo i've ever heard and she starts the other rats on a chain reaction#rat dog number 2: actively eats the other dog's shit and like they do occasionally clean up after their dogs but???#they also just leave paper towels covering the mess until they want to take the time to actually clean it up#rat dog number 3: is a special case. i feel sorta bad bitching about him because he was abused and raised in a meth home so like...#he's special needs but that doesn't mean he can't also be annoying#he makes a lot of the messes and also he will run around in tight circles barking for up to 15 minutes at a time#also all three of them have fleas AND GAVE THEM TO MY DOG but they won't do much of anything about it so anything i try to do for Frodo#is basically pointless#and this isn't even getting into the cooking...my aunt has like idk 40+ ingredients she's allergic to and my grandma#can't eat a lot of foods and they expect me to cook for them because i went to culinary school once upon a time#i'm tired#on top of all this; they live out in the boonies; which wouldn't be that bad of a thing because i like being up in the mountains/forest#however#I don't want to be trapped here during the winter with them because i think i would lose my grip on the fraying threads of my sanity#so i was looking for a job in town#applied to a bunch of places; got one in Portland; which is a little over an hour drive away from me atm#now; i've always wanted to live in OR; so i'm jumping on this opportunity to move#but since it's a new job; i don't have the pay stubs to apply for an apartment#and rent is so fucking high right now
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I swear I’m working on art it’s just taking a long ass time bc I have A LOT OF SHIT to catch up on. Um also it’s another hypoparents things sorry
#also mega gay um not so sorry about that#I want to finish it so bad but every time I do I am put back to work on my actual important things#which is good so I’m not even more behind but incredibly frustrating#all I want to do is finish these cats but nooooooo#anyways I also only want to draw mothwing so um that’s what’s happening#can feel a little bit of a breakdown teetering on the edge of my mind but I’m avoiding it#would rather not breakdown. if it does happen atleast I knew beforehand#ruse rambles#I am very rambley bc I don’t want to go to sleep I hate sleep it is very stressful for me#having to wait for it to take over is the worst but also waking up paralyzed from nightmares sucks#it’s not like sleep paralysis it’s my brain thinking someone is behind me and if I move one bit they’ll attack#so Im stuck there willing myself to jsut swing around and get up#also can’t sleep facing the other way bc I roll and throw shit at night#then I wake up bc my blanket and pillow are gone#also also think my mom might be uh in bad health atm her coughing is getting really bad and she keeps#puking form the coughing. little sister is not helping with her constant fighting and trying to get out of school#moms on the edge of sending her off to therapy lol kinda funny but also not bc she’s causing so much stress on everyone#I’m going to shut up before I cap out on tags also need to write my daily report tjing so I’m going to do that bye sorry for the tags :)
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I don't eat all day and then my partner takes me out for dinner and we eat fish and chips and they're greasy and now it's 3am and I've not slept and my tummy hurty and I have lots of regret
#i couldn't finish it either!#usually we get takeout and we share a mini cod and chips but he insisted we ate in cus his house has no electricity and mine has 2 cats that#will try and eat the fish#and the place we ate has a strict “NO SHARING” policy for food you eat in??#so i ate half my fish and a quarter of the chips and i was embarrassed the whole time cus when i eat out it becomes very clear to everyone#around me i have *issues*#and i was utterly mortified the whole time and it was awful and now i feel unwell#not to mention cus hes not actually moved into his new place yet cus its having work done the bathroom was FILTHY#like sticky toilet seat with god knows what dried onto it??? and filth everywhere#and another one of his friends has been staying a few nights a week whilst they work locally and HOW ARE THEY USING THAT BATHROOM???#i couldn't sit on the loo and i had a panic attack looking at the state of the bathroom like its absolutely gag worthy its so fucking gross#how can someone be showering and shitting in there and??? be okay with that??????#anyway the bathroom may have influenced how much i was able to eat i am still thinking about it now it was absolutely so fucking gross#i feel physically sick#like#i have real bad ocd mostly about contamination and getting sick#and my flat gets into some right states sometimes cus depression but the one thing i can say with pride is that my bathroom is so clean#you could eat out of my toilet it is so clean#its the one room that HAS to be clean#my kitchen is a tip (a clean tip but still a tip) but my bathroom????#its sparkling! shiny and clean and delightful and not triggering as fuck!!#and i use other peoples bathrooms and they make me feel so unwell#like SO UNWELL#the place hes living atm is another ocd household so their bathroom is very clean for similar reasons to mine#but honestly the new place??? rancid!!! awful!!!!!! i may go over with cleaning supplies at some point soon and scrub it so its not so bad#its a genuine health hazard and someone is USING IT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!#sosososososooooooo gross#it needs cleaning properly#ro rambles#ocd
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I liked/reblogged like four hetalia posts in one day simply because they happened to cross my dash and now Tumblr is recommending me a ton more hetalia posts
Comically when i tap 'i'm not interested in this post' on posts it offers me that friends like, all posts from a certain fandom i'm not in, it does not seem to understand that i am not interested in that fandom's posts. . .despite that i have definitely liked or reblogged very few if any posts with that fandom's tags. . . .
#like i get it a lot of people i follow are into other otome and joseimuke but like#i don't care about them. or that animanga. or that one. or that one. . . . .#tumblr is so bad at taking hints lmao#danie yells at tumblr#one more hour of work. . . . .#as usual my client's son is being a bitter bitch that his mom doesn't ask much of me so i spend a lot of time sitting around#but i am in enough peace of mind atm to ignore him. he is no one and nothing to me. sometimes i'm just too agitated to ignore him#but right now i'm just like#vibing out. making ugly doodles with my fingers on some crappy art app i found#maybe i should bring a sketchbook to doodle in. i'm better with like. actual pencil.
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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer#must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend#im not letting me do that to us#but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about??#the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant)#but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling#this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me#idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be#but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent#and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change#the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here#fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day#and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why#why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop#thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back#hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp#and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok#and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real#and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in#and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems#personal#i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head.#i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad#idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things#i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once#i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows
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