#so basically my life would have gone completely fucking differently probably if i had been paying attention in fucking gym class

[hyliasblade]

//'tumblr was a very large and important part of my adolescent years' <- a sentence that is both very true and very deranged

[ineffably-human]

I’ve been watching through WWDITS for the first time recently and was wondering what your opinion is on why Nandor, incredible laundry list of fuckups aside, generally seems to prefer non-violence at his current stage in life?

Firstly, I'm flattered I'm getting random questions about my opinions in my inbox, so thanks and hello new friend! I'm not sure if you're partway through the series or have completed it the first time (welcome to the vampire fuck mansion, enjoy the ride!) but there will be spoilers for s3/s4 in here.

Anyway, this is my favorite thing about Nandor ever: that he's at least trying to be a more thoughtful, peaceful, even humane monster than he ever was as a human. I think it's a question of time and positioning.

Nandor peaked very early in mortal life by doing what he was good at, barreling through and taking things by force. But he never just acted alone, he was part of an army, sanctioning his actions either because it was his country or because it was his job to pillage wherever he went. The world operates very differently now. He may have had a storied mercenary career for a while, but conflicts eventually shift and he would have had a sense he was feeling left behind. And becoming a vampire probably made it harder and harder to keep that as his role in life among humans.

I also think it never completely satisfied him anyway. We know he never got to know his children. Depending on which version of the story is true, he was either abandoned by his wives when the vampiric changes were too much, or (I think s4 implies this) he abandoned each of them the same way he abandoned Marwa, checking out and moving on to the next shiny thing. His best friend was a horse, and pets are amazing but they can't talk back. He was driven out of his country, eventually, by his own people.

So when all of that was gone, Nandor was left basically alone with his own thoughts and no sense of accomplishment. Give Nandor time to think about his own feelings, and it's clear how sensitive he actually is. If the date on his Ascension Day banner is right, he was just a kid when he became a soldier so as a human it's all he ever was. And he likes fighting the way a big, physical guy who's really good at it loves fighting, but he also loves animals! And arts and crafts! He has a lot of big feelings that he doesn't understand, and that he's too proud to really analyze! And he's prone to depression and loneliness, not least because of his own actions.

So I think as a defense mechanism, he started to mentally build himself up not just as a warrior, but a warrior-king. That's partly for his own ego, like how he tried to play leader of the household in early seasons, but it's also to feel like he still had a homeland and a legacy - something to show for what was supposedly the best time of his life. And like the little monologue he has in Manhattan Night Club, thinking about diplomacy is also a way of processing his own loneliness.

Which is part of why season 3's Vampiric Council appointment kicked his depression into full gear, I think. The relationship stuff helped, Guillermo's changing role definitely helped. But he also was given a sense of just how out of his depth he was, and how this image of himself as Leader Of Vampires wasn't satisfying - it was giving him a full-on identity crisis.

[rebelwrites]

Winner Takes It All || Fifteen Galas, Heart To Hearts And Volatile Situations

Charles Leclerc x Valentina Hendrix (OC)

Winner Takes It All Masterlist

Summary: In Valentina’s mind the galas were completely pointless, after turning up with Hudson the tension starts to rise

Warnings: a lot of tension in this part I’m sorry 🥺

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

Hudson’s POV

There was tension lingering in the air, mainly from Charles. I could see the pain in his eyes from the moment we arrived at the gala. Wrapping my arm around Valentina’s waist I pressed a kiss against her temple. Trying my best to ignore the tension in the air I zoned back into the conversation not knowing what they were talking about, I must have had a look of pure confusion on my face which caused Valentina to burst out laughing, patting her ring cladded hand against my chest.

“You seriously need to learn a bit of French, baby. Don’t worry I will teach you.” She giggled, pulling the straw to her mouth. “Basically, Pear was just asking an extremely personal question that he shouldn’t be asking.” She hummed glaring at her best friend. “Now I’m going to get another drink. Lord knows I need alcohol to get me through tonight.”

I couldn’t help but smirk as I watched her weave her way towards the bar, getting stopped every few seconds by somebody. She had only been in my life for the last month but everything felt right with her. From the first time we met at the meeting with Harley Davidson I knew there was something different about this girl and over the short time we had known each other we became a lot closer. The feeling of my shoulder getting heavy pulled me out of my thoughts, causing me to glance over my shoulder to be met with the stern face of Pierre.

“You better make sure you treat her right.” He said, not blinking once. “Because if you don’t then you will have me to answer to and trust me when it comes to my little nugget I won’t be afraid to hurt you.”

“I can assure you, I’m not planning on hurting her.” I smiled, I knew I needed to form a bond with Pierre with how close he and Valentina were. “That girl is a ray of fucking sunshine.”

“Good to hear,” Pierre nodded, moving his hand from my shoulder, lifting his beer up in the air. “Also don’t be doing all that lovey dovey crap in front of me.”

“You got it man.” I nodded, clinking my bear bottle against his.

I couldn’t help but feel the glare coming from Charles, he hadn’t said much since we arrived this evening and it was starting to grate on me. I could see the jealousy in his eyes, Valentina had told me about everything that had gone on between her and Charles including Becky. Which alone made my blood run cold the moment I heard that bitches name. I knew I should have told Valentina about my past but there was a part of me that didn’t want to open that can of worms again, not now, not ever.

But Charles had his moment and he had well and truly blew it with the beautiful girl that was taking the world by storm.

“You better treat her right.” Charles practically growled, not taking his eyes off Valentina. “And you better not be fucking playing with her or her feelings.”

“Excuse me?” I scoffed, turning to look at him with a puzzled look on my face. “You don’t even know me and you are talking to me like that. From where I am standing you better watch what you say just because you let the best thing to possibly ever happen to you slip through your fingers.”

I knew this wasn’t the best time or place to be having this conversation with the amount of eyes that would be on us but he started it, and I couldn’t help myself.

“How long have you even known Vali?”

“Long enough to know everything you did and how broken she was over it all.” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. “So I suggest you back off and let her move on with her life without being dragged down with a past relationship.”

If looks could kill I would probably have been buried six feet under right now.

“I don’t care how long you are in the picture but understand that I will do whatever it takes to make things right with Vali, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes I know just how royally I fucked up I walked away from the only women I have ever loved, the women that still holds the key to my heart.” Charles said, lowering his tone. I could hear the pain dripping off his every word, but it wasn’t my fault that he walked away from the beauty that was Valentina Hendrix. “And I don’t care how long it takes but I plan on righting all of my mistakes and winning her heart back.”

Valentina’s POV

Finally I had made it to the bar after being stopped for what felt like a million times, everyone congratulating me on my most recent win. I did appreciate it but right now I needed more alcohol to get me through this gala. I was never one for events like this but as always I showed up with a smile on my face and propped the bar up for most of the evening.

“Surprised you aren’t with everyone else.” A voice appeared from my side.

Turning to look over my shoulder I saw Lewis sliding onto the empty bar stool next to me, causing me to let out a small sigh of relief knowing that someone from the FIA could have taken the seat, boring me to death in the process.

“My spot is right here, propping up the bar.” I smirked, lifting my whiskey glass up at him. “I’m not a big fan of these events. In fact I fucking hate them and would rather sit through the most gruling press conference than be here.”

“Me neither, Kiddo. But unfortunately we have to be here, all I can say is thank goodness for the free bar.” He chuckled, clinking his glass against mine. “So I’ve gotta ask, when did you and the model guy start dating?”

“Funny story,” I laughed, swirling the amber liquid in the glass. “It only became a thing today, I asked him to be my plus one tonight, you know so I don’t look like a loser turning up on my own. And his condition was that he takes me out on a date after so it just kinda happened from there.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say that.” he smirked, causing me to roll my eyes.

“Lew, you know what I mean, there is so many double fucking standards in this industry, its fine for guys to attend events by themselves but the moment a female tries it all hell erupts and after the first time I am sure as hell not gonna let it happen again.” I nodded, taking a sip of the whiskey. “But we have become pretty close over the shoots we have done together, there is a strong connection between us so we are just going to see what happens.”

“Just don’t let him distract you from racing,” he smiled softly, nudging my arm with his elbow. “I’ve been there and it’s not pretty, you gotta keep your head in the game.”

I couldn’t help but smile, over the course of the races, Lewis had basically become one of the mentors, alongside Pierre, which I was truly grateful for. It was true what they said, the world of F1 was completely different to the W-Series.

“Don’t worry about that,” I grinned, looking up at him once again. “No matter what, I'm taking that WDC this year. Even if I have to walk through the fiery pits of hell.”

“This is the only time you will ever hear me saying this, so listen carefully.” he smirked, “but I want you to take home that title, the sport needs more females and I honestly think that you bringing home the title will bring more females into the sport.” He beamed, clinking his glass against mine. He quickly glanced over my shoulder, narrowing his eyes before speaking again. “But right now I think you need to go save Hudson because by the looks of it Leclerc looks like he is gonna snap any minute.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Just what I fucking need.”

For the last week Charles had been trying to get in contact with me but I kept ghosting him, he was my past and I needed to focus on my future. The only time I spoke to him was in press conferences, and on the track where there were always cameras trying to get the latest gossip from the track and I wasn’t going to give them the fuel to start a fire over me and Charles.

Downing the rest of my whiskey, I slammed the glass down against the solid wood bar. Taking a breath I made eye contact with the bartender, silently ordering two bottles of beers.

“He still loves you, you know.” Lewis hummed, resting his hand over mine.

“Well, he fucked everything up and I’ve moved on so he needs to back the fuck off.”

Pushing myself off the barstool I took a deep breath, counting to ten trying to calm myself down because the last thing I needed was kicking off in the middle of a fancy gala and landing all over the gossip blogs and new articles.

Before I could get close to Hudson, Pierre stood in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“Je suis inquiet pour toi Nugget. I'm worried about you Nugget.” he said with a concerned look on his face. “Tu refuses de sortir avec quelqu'un depuis quatre ans et tout d'un coup tu te pointes avec Hudson et je sais que tu ne le connais que depuis un mois. You refuse to date anyone for four years and all of a sudden you show up with Hudson and I know you've only known him for a month.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at Pierre, I knew he was looking out for me but I was a big girl and knew how to protect myself and my heart.

“Tu n'as pas besoin de t'inquiéter pour moi. Je te promets. You don't have to worry about me. I promise you.” I smiled softly back at him, “I know this seems all too soon but I am done throwing pity parties for myself. It’s time I moved on and I can’t have the weight of a relationship from four years ago weigh me down. Now I need to defuse this situation before this becomes the hot news tomorrow.”

Stepping past him, I caught eye contact with Hudson feeling a smirk tugging at my lips. As soon as I got within touching distance of him he pulled me into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. Passing him the beer I linked my fingers in between his, guiding him through the crowd and away from what looked like a volatile Charles who was potentially close to exploding.

Thankfully the rest of the night went without a hitch, Charles had kept his distance which I was grateful for and a lot of alcohol had been consumed meaning I was struggling to stand on my own two feet without nearly toppling over. If it wasn’t for Hudson having a solid grip around my hips then I would have surely planted the ground.

Now we had the task of getting back to the hotel room with me absolutely bladdered and a drunk Hudson guiding me back to the car that would be taking us to the hotel.

I had gotten to the point where I was giggling over nothing, I found everything funny.

“Babygirl, you gotta help me a little here.” Hudson slurred as he pulled us both to a stop.

“Hey handsome.” I giggled, placing my palms on his chest, letting my fingers fiddle with his gold chain. “Wanna come back to my hotel room, I know I can show you a good time.”

The throaty laugh that escaped Hudson’s lips sent shivers down my spine, his eyes sparkled under the bright lights of the venue.

“As much as that sounds like an amazing time, we both know that we, well especially you, are far too drunk to do anything tonight.” He hummed, brushing his nose against mine. “Just like we both know as soon as we get back to the hotel room you are going to pass out face first on the bed, but more importantly the moment we step outside of those doors right there the press are going to have a field day with one of the best drivers of the season leaving the gala so drunk to the point she cannot walk.”

“Oh merde. Oh shit.”

“Oh shit indeed, sweetheart.” he hummed, pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Now, take a deep breath and think sober thoughts.”

“Sober thoughts, got it.” I giggled, following his instructions.

Taking a few deep breaths I linked my fingers with his giving him the nod signally I was ready to go face the world of the hungry lions that were the press looking for their next juicy but of gossip.

@chibsytelford @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @stillbreathin @angywritesstuff @miamedyu @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @micks-afterglow @livo67 @buendiabebeta @pleasedontfollowinlost @ferrarifwendvale @hungryhungarian @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @sunf1owerrq @queenslife @panicforspec @inesramoss30 @justme2042 @liv67 @sessgjarg @derpinathebrave @idkiwantchocolatee @littleobsessionsandlifeslessons @alynoa @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @organasith @inchidentwithmax @raaaaabzzz @teamspideyman @marvelousmendess @mehrmonga

[godmona]

i know this is on my new account so i dont have a lot of my followers here yet, but i will be reblogging this post on all of my blogs i have. life update, whatever you want to call it. heart failure, sickness, hospital, surgery and just death stuff in general.

in november, my dad collapsed in the house and had to go to the er by ambulance. he’s been dealing with heart failure for years, had open heart surgery back in like 2010, and had a defibrillator put in. he’s never gone back in to have the defibrillator batteries replaced and his heart has been getting worse over the years with age. in november, we finally were able to convince him to have the surgery to do that. it went great!! his heart started to work a little better and catching up with his body. last week, my mom called me to say that he couldn’t breathe, and she convinced him to go back to the hospital via an ambulance again. it’s not good. his liver is failing. both his kidneys are failing. so everything your kidneys are supposed to filter out is just sitting in his body. he has had a breathing tube down his throat for almost a week and they have to take it out soon or it’s going to cause permanent damage or they’re going to have to put a permanent one in, which he’s already said no to. he’s stable, but he’s stable because the machines he’s on are doing all the work for his body right now. my sister is down there with my family ( they live in another state ) and my job basically told me to go fuck myself as far as going down there right now. it’s not good, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get any better. he's conscious, but with the breathing tube in his throat he can only answer yes or no questions. again, my sister is down there, but me and my sister both know that he doesn't want to live on life support and stuff like that. on top of that, there's the problem with what to do with our mother. me and my sister are not close to her, we do not care about her, we've been trying to go no contact but haven't because we love our dad. she's never worked a day in her life, and is completely useless in literally everything. once something happens to my dad, we have no idea what the fuck to do with her. and everytime she calls me to update me on my dad's condition, she immeditely makes it about herself when we've told her this was coming years ago. she should have figured something out. i'm not using the money i make to take care of a grown 44 year old fucking woman. i’m completely helpless in the situation, and i’ve never lost a family member i knew or was close to before, let alone a parent. it is hard to exist, let alone be online. i see my notifications of tumblr and discord and i’m sorry if it looks like i’m ignoring you or something but i genuinely do not have the energy for anyone except my partners right now. i’m trying so hard to figure out a way to go do down there ( probably for a funeral because it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it to the end of the year ) without loosing my job because i do not have an immediate new job to set up to go to. it would be different if i needed time off to go to a funeral in the same state, but its in another state, so money and travel time. in the end, if they’ve got a problem with me going to my father’s funeral, i will be quitting my job as well. which we all know how the job search is, and the financial strains on households as it is. im barely getting up enough in the morning to go to work in retail without having a breakdown of the stuff going on. so this is that update. please don’t expect much from me right now.

[rei-ismyname]

Rare Avengers Ws in Avengers Academy: Marvel Voices Infinity #6

Get it, Carol. It's nice to see Piotr back to being a big gay bozo and Carol being sexually forward. Shut up Logan, seriously. They should fuck.

By the White Wolf/Lenin's Ghost! I don't remember the last time Colossus was referred to as a communist, definitely not this decade. He doesn't dispute it either. The costumes 💜 Their body language/stances 💜 Pete's second speech bubble 💜💜

Good for you, Piotr. Emotional openness and declarations of love between men is very positive. Logan is being a bit of a stick in the mud here, gotta stay MASCULINE for the kids. They should fuck.

Not going to lie, I was concerned here. The Avengers as an institution have a TERRIBLE record with treating young people as people with agency, or even just as people. Just ask The Runaways or Young Avengers (or any mutant.)

I had to look it up but Shela is BlasterDame from New Mutants: Lethal Legion. Super gross how her parents are attempting to use the police/machinery of state to deny her personhood and gender identity (and let's be honest, endangering her life. Don't call the cops, especially not on trans kids.) It's cool that she's able to use her real name as a shield against the parents she's clearly gone no contact with. My worry increased a lot here. Even just giving up her location would be dangerous AF and against her wishes, and The Avengers work closely with cops.

Not sure of this kid's deal, but this one panel conveys a lot about his life so far. Tony Stark would probably ruin this kid's life by handing him over, Cap too depending on who's writing him. I can categorically say that being arrested for any of those warrants would be a terrible thing. He is shitting bricks, and it's sad that he expects to be in jail soon. Completely warranted based on past behaviour though.

No idea what's going on with the Red Goblin, but if snitching ass Spider-Man vouched for him he's probably G. I started to feel better because I doubt they'd set up a rule of three and then break it. It'd be cruel and hypocritical. Having a historically troublesome symbiote around is worth discussing.

Oh. Oh, okay. This is actually going to be an emotional moment. I'm not familiar with Carol's family but I can guess. On a lighter note, look at those guns.

That's... how you do it. I do wonder if maybe opening with that might have been kinder. What do you think?

See that's beautiful. This does more good for humanity than a dozen punched bad guys. Unconditional support, protection and advocacy, community building. Yeah it's work to be there for queer/runaway/disadvantaged kids, a lot of work. It's not a problem you can punch and you're up against systemic Sisyphean forces pushing the other way. But traumatized kids without support will sink - providing them with it is truly superheroic.

Every team or institution in Marvel has failed at this time and again. In a world where the hero/villain paradigm is the norm they're basically guaranteeing that they'll be fighting that kid once they grow up - they'll remember asking for help and getting turned away or handed over to abusive parents/cops. It's the same IRL but Carol Danvers isn't going to show up for you. A surly dude with knives for hands isn't going to teach you self defense (probably.) Even in the comic it's only kids with powers getting this break.

It's a lot to ask of anyone but being aware isn't hard. Bare minimum just don't call the police bc they don't help people, especially minorities and marginalized kids. Try to keep in mind that a lot of people had different opportunities to you, and/or are dealing with things you can't imagine. I have experienced a lot of this, and the people who called the police on me for being homeless probably don't know the damage they did.

Great comic!

[elgaravel]

5, 10, 24 & 25 for jasper pretty please 🙏👀

THANK YOUUUUU 🫶🫶🫶

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

This was a little hard but Jas doesn't know what they want yet but I do 😭 they're just in the process of figuring it out. They want stability and an actual support system/family that's there for them (everything they didn't get in childhood basically 🚶) . They at least know that they want to help people to the best of their ability, it's their job but they've always been compassionate. Plus, it makes them feel useful and In Control™. In terms of the agency, I think I'm gonna have to wait until we're further in the series to figure that out completely.

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

we've talked abt this once or twice but I WANT A GRITTIER UNIVERSE 🥲. I don't even have a particular universe in mind but I'm an edgelord at heart. I'm working on my own kinda universe/story atm but I'm too embarrassed to share many details yet. Sorry for the boring answer, I just can't think of anything specific for them </3

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

I think had they not been so self-destructive in their youth then they would've finished college and became a social worker, probably doing art on the side. But things didn't quite work out that way obviously. Their life would be pretty different, I would say? They wouldn't be speaking to Rebecca, let alone fucking around in the agency, I can tell you that much 😔

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

I love how repressed they are 🫶. Childhood neglect got them truly messed up in the membrane. They're compassionate and loving but also soooooooo stubborn and a control freak, and also so moody. They assume everyone will leave them so they're avoidant as hell. They hate themself but for the wrong reasons bc they are not aware of their actual flaws. I could go on and probably will in the tags bc I never shut up. I know it's kind of a jokey answer but it truly is the thing I enjoy most about them and I look forward to plotting out how they'll either blossom or retreat further into themself throughout the series. ALSO really enjoy that I'll be able to keep adding onto them.

[loving-n0t-heyting]

I think a lot about how my life might have gone differently if I hadn’t flubbed my math placement exam in hs. It really confused ppl who met me that i didn’t pass it, I remember being unusually dazed that day, it doesn’t fit with other standardised tests I’ve taken before/since, and others from my middle school who were clearly worse at math managed to pass their analogues to the test at their own schools, so it does feel like smth of a fluke (can you tell i have dedicated a lot of thought to this?)

It sort of destroyed my self-image and demoralised me out of my nascent love of science and computers, which might have been a big mistake; mostly in terms of fulfillment tho, idk if my level of mental illness was ever going to allow an ordinary career. It was also the first time I was actually suicidal, which eventually led to me getting into my soul-mincingly terrible abusive first relationship, which eventually caused a psych breakdown bad enough I was basically expelled (which was my first exposure to my long history of coercive meds); thus my choice of college was constrained both bc I had no hs diploma and bc my parents refused to let me out of their sight.

I learned the implicit lesson that I was only fit to do work in “the humanities”, only to find I had absolutely no patience or facility with literature or Art, which drove me into philosophy instead where ppl did not seem perversely addicted to obscuring the meaning of their words for its own sake. It’s hard to imagine anything besides philosophy ever actually being personally fulfilling tho (this includes branches of physics/math/linguistics/etc broad and foundational and abstract enough in scope to count as philosophy)

In some ways I bemoan the “good” consequences most of all. Getting forced out of hs early meant I went to a college full of weirdos (tho mostly slightly less weird than me) who were able to like. Socialise me irl bc they were neither as socially inept as me or so far above me as to be completely alien and inaccessible. Which was on the one hand good but otoh meant I didn’t get socialised by the internet the way I probably would have otherwise; sometimes I wonder if that would have enabled me to be less fucking… repressed and self-effacing. That is probably an insane line of thought; when I think of ppl raised by the collective consciousness of the internet, i don’t think of high confidence and low brainworms. But holy fuck I was so repressed and it fucked me up so bad

Given how much of my life trajectory has been shaped by head-fuckedness apparent to outside parties since age four (at the latest), and given the similar life trajectories of psychologically similar friends I’ve known without anything like my specific history of setbacks and fortuities, perhaps all this is not quite so path-dependent. But it is an enticing brain spiral

[whump-captain]

ok now im curious, i wanna know about bianca!

Omg yes thank u for emabling me i love her so much

So my favourite thing about Bianca is that she dies an awful death pretty early on in the story and she's also the only character who gets what she had wanted throughout it.

Basically I made her when i decided that i wanted to make Kintsugi into a proper novel and realized that i needed a stronger character motivation for Ethan ("curiosity about weird island" was enough for whump shorts but for feature-length i wanted something more defined lol). Since a big inspiration for it were survival horror games (Silent Hill, Dead Space, RE7) and all the lads in these always seem to be looking for someone, I decided to go with that as well: when Ethan crashes on the Weird Island™, he's not alone but accompanied by Bianca. When he wakes up, she's gone, and so he has to find her. Who exactly she is to him has gone through a Bunch of rewrites but i feel like i've finally arrived at an iteration that i really like (and one that doesn't just make her an accessory to the male protag's plot).

Essentially, Bianca should be the protagonist of the story. The alien entity hiding on the island and fucking everything up around the narrative? She's encountered it before and she was forever changed by it, dedicating her whole life to finding it. She has a whole plan, a whole conspiracy plot going on before the novel even begins and all of it gets thrown out of whack when Ethan does something fairly shitty to her that puts all of her life's work in danger. So obviously she tries to murder him.

She only doesn't succeed because the boat crashes but like, that's where she wants to be. That's where the alien is, that's where she can find what she's looking for! And she dies as she finds it! And that's a Good thing, somehow! The happenings on the island upend and ruin the lives of everyone involved with them Except for Bianca whose life is put back on track. In a different story, it would have been an inciting incident for her journey but we're in survival horror and so we follow Ethan who has no business being there whatsoever and for whom everything gets worse.

And like!! His whole Thing, his entire driving force as he crawls through horror after horror, is to find Bianca and apologize to her. The Second he wakes up after the crash he realizes he has Fucked Up and that while she very much owes him an explanation for trying to kill him, he owes her an apology just as much. He has put her future in jeopardy and he won't rest until he makes that right! And he never gets to!

And Bianca doesn't care!! She gets exactly what she wants and her story is complete all the while everyone else's stories are going entirely to shit. She thanks Ethan at the end, all her dreams fulfilled. She's decomposing alive as she does that.

The reader barely even finds out what the hell her deal is!! She's actually present for like 3 scenes bc we're mostly with Ethan who sees her once at the beginning when she has a gun to her head and once towards the end when he begs her not to succumb to what to him is a fate worse than death. It would be a fate worse than death to literally Anyone except Bianca bc she has something fuckin Going On!! And maybe half of it is ever explained, all of it too late to save her!

Fuckin. epitome of Good For Her™. Girl had a goal and she Achieved it!! Should she have? Probably not! But she's literally the only character in the story who isn't left among the ruins of their life so like she's having a better time than all of them lot!

[good-jewish-omens]

Not to make a threat on a public official's life but whoever is responsible for making decisions around federal student loan servicers transferring loans to other servicers should have a philosophical bounty on their head.

My credit score has been top Fucking notch since sophomore year because as someone who grew up poor/lower income whatever, I was dedicated as shit to maintaining that one single chance. My credit card and my student loans are my only accounts. The credit card is maxed out as fuck rn and I'm considering my options so I went looking for some personal loans while I wait for this payment to hit my account next week. Why the fuck did my credit score come back as 425? Good question! Let's investigate!

Discover got rid of their credit monitoring last year and my life was just enough of a mess that it wasn't a priority until the student loans became an issue again. Slip #1. I checked my credit score on a different site and found that it had slipped from 768 to 648 in January. And why was that? Well, according to them, my student loans were gone. Vanished. Didn't exist. Poof.

Signed into the Great Lakes portal and low and behold my loans had been sold (or so I thought) to NelNet. Great. This is not the first time I have heard of this happening so while I'm not surprised I'm pissed off and now I have to deal with this shit. I called NelNet and thankfully the customer service person was really nice so I got down to the nitty gritty of the situation pretty fast and she was helpful too.

So basically, without notifying me or even trying to contact me, my loans were transferred to NelNet. Not sold, transferred at the demand of the Department of Education. Why? Because they have complete control over where my loans are held. True and morally reprehensible.

Let's list the ways in which this transfer has messed with my life:

As a very kind gift one of my parents made a payment on my interest before I graduated and before the moratorium went into place. NelNet does not have record of this payment. I have had to ask said parent to dig through their records and try to find it because it wasn't a regular transaction it was something specific like an education account or something.

When I changed my name, and then again when I got married, I had to submit a bunch of information to Great Lakes to get that all changed over. I never got a confirmation for either of these but they assured me it had been done. They do have record of my name change but not my marriage.

This is what could be potentially fucking over my credit score, but it is also possible that the credit bureaus can legally penalize my score for this. A big part of my score is the longevity of this account. The customer service person could not answer if this account would be considered an entirely new one or if it would carry over. If that's the case (and my loans aren't forgiven with Biden's shit), I'm legitimately going to start looking for people to file a class action lawsuit.

MY CREDIT SCORE DROPPED OVER 100 POINTS THAT'S INSANE

I didn't know about this!!! My previous servicer didn't call me they didn't try to get in contact with me!!!!!!!!! This could have completely fucked my whole life if I didn't look at loans!!! NelNet did try to contact me about this probably about two weeks ago but I disregarded it because I knew NelNet was a loan servicer and I get spam calls from people pretending to be with financial institutions all the time.

Anyways I'm gonna come after someone's pussylips for this shit and it's not gonna be pretty. I'm not a capitalist by any means and my credit score ~doesn't define me~ obviously but like hell am I gonna let the Department of fucking Education be the reaper of my immediate financial future. I'm coming for their asses.

[the-crow-binary]

I think i know how to resume perfectly (my vision of) Mathias' evolution and changes throughout the centuries, in just one sentence:

Pre-Elisabetha's death Mathias would highly DESPISE Dracula if he were to meet him post-Lisa's death.

And there's multiple reasons why (get ready for the long post):

Firstly, Mathias has a hard time understanding his hate for humankind. He can imagine the pain of losing Elisabetha, and how MAD at God he would be if it were to truly happen (the man spent his whole life serving him, wishing for nothing more than his lover's safety, and it's the ONE thing he didn't grant him. I would be pretty upset too ngl), so he can kind of understand how Dracula must feel about Lisa's, but not to the point of wanting the whole world gone. Even about Elisabetha's death, because he hadn't gone through it yet, imagining him hurting Leon in such a cruel way is hard for him (still can't decide if he cared about Sara or not tbh).

So yeah, we're off to a good start with Mathias who doesn't understand Dracula's decisions... and then comes the second reason why he would despise him: THEY HAVE A SON AND HE TRIES TO KILL HIM ?? THE FUCK ?? Knowing how much Mathias loved Elisabetha (and since Dracula still seems to care for Alucard), pretty sure he would have been the HAPPIEST man in the world if he had had a child with her. So he CAN put himself in Dracula's shoes regarding the son he had with Lisa (and can also imagine how it feels to love her)... wich is why he, once again, can't understand him, and what could POSSIBLY drive him to try and kill THEIR SON. MULTIPLE TIMES, MIND YOU. There's grief, there's hate, and then THERE'S TRYING TO KILL THE CHILD YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAVE BEEN RAISING AND LOVING FOR YEARS.

It doesn't get much better than that. The more Mathias learns, the less esteem he has for future him. The curses, the wars, the deaths, the manipulations... the never-ending, seemingly always-growing hatred. The absolute egoism, the disrespect he has for both their wives for going against what they both would've wanted (aka NOT trying to kill people). AND he trapped LEON'S FAMILY into HIS never-ending cycle of death and destruction ? It's very simple: Dracula represents everything Mathias hates about himself and has always feared to become.

I can see him as being a man who doesn't trust nor love easily. Getting on is good side is a prowess in and of itself that not many people has been able to achieve in his entire human life. So to be someone he doesn't only tolerate, but CARE about, is basically a miracle. And when he cares, he REALLY cares, as shown with Elisabetha (and even Leon). I can also see him as having low empathy. In the sense that, if he doesn't like you to begin with (not hate you either, just, is neutral about you because he doesn't even know you for example), he just can't bring himself to care about your misery. He doesn't understand you and can't put himself in your shoes (wich is also the reason why he doesn't understand Dracula himself). Now it doesn't mean he won't do the "right thing", or at least what he THINKS it is. But that's because there was people to directly tell him what was wrong and right, not because he would feel it himself. And i definitely don't think he had only good influences in his life... Leon and Elisabetha were probably a good chunk of his most humane decisions.

But anyway, the point is, i think Mathias have feared more than once that he would end up as a cruel, uncaring man. He was completely aware of how different people can see the world from him. Mathias have a very "blunt" view, one that make him forget about basic, real human emotions sometimes, to favors "facts" over "feelings". It can be a good thing sometimes, but it not always is. Elisabetha and Leon probably told him many times how he needs to take others into consideration more (he has less problem doing so with the people close to him than with random strangers, or even his own men). And as rough and demanding Mathias can be, he doesn't want to be a bad guy. As hard it is for him to feel empathy or sympathy, he wants to do good, to be good, just... well, he has his own way.

So when he comes face to face with Dracula, with the very personification of evil, of cruelty and everything he has ever feared to become... how can he not despise him ? How can he not be absolutely disgusted, hopeless, even ? The despair in the face of his own future is so grand he can't even bring himself to actually hate the guy. Mind you, Dracula can't understand Mathias either. And he sure doesn't "like" him. He forgot how it felt to be him. He disdain him for being "weak", for being... simply human. He wants Mathias to become like him, while Mathias wish Dracula would come back to be like him. They can't see eye to eye, because they're so, so different... yet so similar at the same time.

And i think it could be use for a very interesting story. One where, while Dracula learns to appreciate his human side once again and be better, Mathias learns to let go and accept his terrible fate. Then, both their previous wishes will come true: Dracula will go back to be like Mathias, while Mathias will become the Dark Lord.

A tragedy, truly.

[drysaladandketchup]

Writing Meme

Tagged by my dear @irrelevanttous <3

RULES: go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason

first fic you ever published on Ao3: Spirit of Champions, for the Supernatural/Destiel fandom. I don't even know why I'm linking the fic, it was ten years ago I'd like to think my writing has improved a lot since then so... maybe don't read it lol. I actually have another fic that says it was posted on the same date but I think that's because I moved them both over from livejournal at the same time, so whatever

last fic you published: Acts of Devotion for the Hockey/Mattdrai fandom. Much prouder of this fic haha, though I was still getting a feel for hockey and these guys during it's construction. It hopefully won't be my last mattdrai fic though. Got a few ideas and WIPs sitting in my drafts

a fic you wrote for a fandom/ship only once: I don't think I've ever written just one fic for a fandom. Though I certainly have many abandoned WIP's and a few unpublished fics from days gone by. Also due to a lack of ideas or energy, I often end up publishing nothing for a fandom, despite my love for it. But I'll go with the fandom I only published two fics for. After Life's Fitful Fever, He Sleeps Well for The Terror. It's actually a platonic ship (if that counts? Depends on your definition of 'ship' I suppose), but it's still one I'm quite fond of overall

favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship with the most works: well I already mentioned Supernatural, so that would be the obvious answer lol. But I already did that, so I'm going to go with a fic from the next biggest fandom I've published for. Which I would say is String Theory for Final Fantasy XV. The only FF game I've ever played, but I had a grand old time, made a lot of friends and had a lot of growth in that community

fic you wish more people read: Can I say any of my fics from the Dunkirk fandom? No? Boo. It's a tiny fandom so I don't expect a tonne of interaction haha. But it is the fandom I've written the most for. Ideas just kept on coming (probably because I love history and angst). So I'd say... Where You Were, Where You're Needed. My first for the fandom, and one I still love dearly

fic you agonized over the most: Skybound, for Dunkirk. It's the only novel-length fic I've written, and it took me two years. I also didn't publish it until it was completely finished, edited, re-drafted, and remodelled within an inch of it's life so... yeah that one. Plus all the history research and story planning that went into it was a lot more than I usually do. It was fun, I'm glad I finished it, but fuck I don't know how people write novels regularly. Stephen King tell me your secret

fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort: For The Glory, for the Hockey/Mattdrai fandom. Maybe the fastest I've written anything. Basically wrote it from start to finish within a couple hours, not including food and sleep. Not a monumental fic, no, but for someone with chronic fatigue and adhd... astounding. It was very much a result of conversations with M. and her determination to drag me into hockey and mattdrai. Successfully, clearly haha

work you are proud of: I'm going to say Skybound again. Small fandom, but a huge fic for me. One I could probably turn into an original piece with minimal finagling if I wanted. I would also like to think one could enjoy the fic without having seen Dunkirk. That being said, now that it's been over a year a half since I finished it, I'm already looking at it thinking 'I could have written this differently. I could have removed this or tweaked that.' Editor hell. But I'm leaving it as is, using it as a benchmark for my (hopefully) continued improvement as a writer. I think I improved over the course of writing it, even. A lot changed from inception to publication. But I'm no less proud of it, as a written work or as a story. I did what I wanted, and I wrote the exact story I wanted to read. So I'm happy :)

Thank you for the tag, M.! <3

[terminallybisexual]

tw // suicide mention

i fucking hate the saying “happiness is a choice” especially when i heard it as a 12 year old struggling with depression for (what i believed to be) no reason

but now that i’m older i hate it for a completely different reason. i think i understand the message behind it now but it is so poorly worded and places so much blame on the person struggling with depression that when my 12 year old self heard it, it made me completely reject any ideas that emphasize how much your perspective and attitude affect your quality of life

like i would hear people talk about changing your attitude or whatever and be like “that’s fucking stupid. i have depression i can’t help the way i think.” but like. i could. but i didn’t understand that because the way it was always framed was “you are choosing to be depressed. just stop being depressed.”

every time i have a self deprecating thought now, i immediately counter it with the opposite even if i don’t believe it. (ex: “i hate myself. no, i love myself.”) and it can be incredibly exhausting to argue with yourself all the time, especially when these types of thoughts are so constant and persistent. it’s not easy. but this has improved my life so fucking much its not even funny. it’s gotten to the point where sometimes when i’m in situations that are embarrassing or otherwise would trigger self deprecating thoughts, my immediate reaction is self love.

i did not even understand the extent to which my self deprecating thoughts were diminishing my quality of life. i did not understand how much my own thoughts were negatively affecting my life because it was just so normal to me. i used to have suicidal thoughts more times than i could count on a daily basis and even though they weren’t “serious” (as in i was not going to immediately act on them like 99% of the time), countering these thoughts has brought me so much peace. i can go a full day without any suicidal thoughts now. hell, i’ve probably gone at least a few days in a row without suicidal thoughts. that idea was truly incomprehensible to me a year ago.

i genuinely did not believe it was possible for me to be this mentally healthy. like i still have a lot of fucking work to do but it’s insane how much my life has improved. i can’t even put it into fucking words and it might seem stupid to other people but i’ve had an extremely low self esteem for as long as i can remember. i didn’t even think it was possible for me to change my self deprecating thoughts because i just viewed them as objectively true.

like, throughout middle school and high school, i would have full blown mental breakdowns almost every single day. hysterically sobbing and telling myself that i can’t handle life and i should just die, just to take a deep breath 20 min to a few hours later and pull myself together again. recently i legitimately believed that i had a mood disorder because i had absolutely no emotional regulation skills and i was basically living with my worst bully 24/7.

and i mean it took me years to get to this point. i’ve been arguing with my negative thoughts for a long time now but i didn’t always do it in a healthy way (ex. telling myself that my feelings are irrational and invalid and that i’m crazy for having emotions bc thats what i was told my entire life, essentially gaslighting myself). but since i started therapy again i started countering my negative thoughts more consistently and in more productive/healthy ways. and there’s a lot of other things i did to improve my mental health too but i truly believe that changing my thought patterns is possibly the most important/impactful change ive made.

there’s a lot in my life to be stressed about at the moment and i truly believe that if i didn’t implement these tactics into my life i would legitimately be in an inpatient program right now because i just wouldn’t be able to handle everything going on. but now, at least for the majority of the time, i am at peace. i’m not necessarily happy, i am just okay. possibly for the first time ever. and i know sometimes i still have my moments where i talk about wanting to die but everything is just so much easier now. those moments are more fleeting and i’m more capable of reeling those thoughts in early and preventing myself from completely spiraling. it’s just so fucking insane to me how much better i’m doing and i don’t think anyone i know will understand the extent of it because i don’t think anyone truly understood how bad it was in the first place. but it’s okay, i don’t need anyone else to be proud of me. i am so fucking proud of myself.

[ur-mousey]

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My Neighbor Totoro ~ Fuck my Life

RATING:

fun = 8/10, plot = 3/10

PLOT SUMMARY: Four year old Mei and her ten year old sister, Satsuki, moves to a small town with their dad. They discover the wonders of the home and the land around, meeting Totoro and friends. Throughout the movie, the sisters struggle to be close through their fears of losing their mother who is ill in the hospital.

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REVIEW:

I have to give these movies two different scores. I am an over thinker when it comes to media. Even though I could turn my brain off in the moment, something about My Neighbor Totoro left a bad taste in my mouth. My friend told me this movie is for children. So, I shouldn't be that disappointed but I am! Children media can handle tough subject matters, however, this isn't the way to do it.

While watching the movie, I enjoyed the two main characters, Mei and Sastuski. They were cute! I loved how both were super close and explored the house together. The first thirty or so minutes reminded me of my own adventures with my siblings. And I totally forgot that this movie would have Totoro in it!!

First off, the movie did nothing with Totoro and friends. Example, the Soot sprites added noooothing. I will admit that I enjoyed the sprites in the moment and did not care that it amounted to nowhere. But, I believe that the scene should have been cut to develop more on the Mother's illness. Especially since the final climax hinges on it.

You could say the sprites confirmed the family as good but I don't care about the symbolism because they were fucking wrong! Their Father is a dumbass who left a four year old unattended for hours!

Mei and Satsuki like a stereotypical pair, have a falling out when they learn that their Mother's condition worsen. This 10 year old brat yells at the four year old as if they both don't share the same mom. Which I completely see as probable, this was very realistic. In general, these sisters were bound to have a fight because siblings cannot get along as well as they had for the majority of the movie. Anyway, the four year old runs off and the whole town is on high alert looking for her.

There is a scene where they believe Mei might have drowned in the lake because they find her shoe. Satsuki confirms that it's not Mei's and everyone drops it! However, just because it isn't Mei's doesn't mean someone else didn't die. Whose SHOE is It!?

However, Mei's running off and Satsuki's out burst which caused it meant absolutely nothing. All because the mother isn't sick. She is "technically", but it was just a cold that delayed her coming home for the weekend. And they were freaking out about her dying.

I personally have never struggled with a sick parent and I understand how even the slightest change to ones condition could set up alarms. Especially since the movie alludes to an underlying disease that has been affecting the mom for some time now. However, narratively in a story, the movie barely touched on the mother. We know nothing about her or how her children view her, except that they don't want her to die.

This is all dandy until you realize the climax is about the Mother! And when it's just a cold, all the narrative build up falls flat, at least to me. And I see how Princess Mononoke rides out a climax to satisfaction, which I cannot say the same for My Neighbor Totoro.

Last thing, see how I barely mention this fat fuck, Totoro.

He's just a cute mascot. Nothing to him. He doesn't even pertain to the main climax.

However, there is one significant scene he has to the plot. And it was when he threw Satsuki on a cat bus to find her runaway sister and then dipped. He was gone from that point on. Just like I am.

Overall plot gets a 3/10. It was not for me. The plot is basically nonexistent until the climax and that sequence of events is all negated (in my eyes) because of the Mother as a character.

I had fun though (8/10). Shitting on the dad was the highlight of the movie. I love the art style. It felt super nostalgic despite the fact that I did not grow up on the movies.

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Thank you for reading! Request rules are here! Follow my ig = lil.thoughts.xo! Do you agree or disagree?

[gameside]

Why the hell did they think I was a troll?? Was that a democrat or republican, Because I can't tell but it could very well be either because both sides have some crazy fucking people. I don't even think what I want is that insane, But then again I haven't posted here since my mother finally stopped basically feeding me 24/7 insane propaganda like 'snake people' and shit.

I'm not even against abortion 100%, I just don't think the procedure should be a fucking thing outside of medical reasons!!! Medical reasons being the mother would die from the birth and a pill wouldn't take care of it. Abortion pills work for 15 weeks, AKA 3.5 fucking months!! Thats enough, Isn't it?? I can understand case by case using the procedure if pills aren't working, But gosh!

I'm not giving cops money and cheering them on in the streets, But I'm also not gonna tell them to fucking die!! Saying all cops are bad because there are a few that's corrupted is crazy! I've had cops save my life, I've had them traumatize me as well. Yes, Some are absolutely fucking insane and not ready to be a cop! We don't need to abolish police, (though I would REALLY prefer the alternative of ELECTING A SHERRIF and letting them have a DEPUTY and that be it, The Deputy giving others training to be public servant ect ect or whatever happens with deputies) We just need to give all police officers the same training military gets so they don't accidentally shoot, So they're ready for situations that would require being calm even if they're at gunpoint!! Give them a fucking mental evaluation!!

And don't get me fucking STARTED on school shootings. It could ALL be PREVENTED by giving teachers guns inside of a safe, In every classroom. Mental evaluations every WEEK for the teachers. School shootings are so common now, But when my dad was a kid they had shit like archery practice and he told me that in his entire time there no accidents happened!!! It got banned after some parents complained it 'could be dangerous.' Schools need way more fucking funding and put TRUSTED people as teachers. We need to give our schools the help we can since the fucking government isnt.

And I'm gay, You all know my fucking stance on that. I think being trans is a REAL thing that happens! I think some people would GENUINELY be happier as the other gender, But I think letting children, Who're EASILY INFLUENCED by EVERYTHING!!! I thought I was a fucking zombie because I loved zombie movies!! If I could've chosen I would've LOVED to be PERMANENTLY DISFIGURED to LOOK LIKE A ZOMBIE!! And I would've fucking regretted it later. My entire life I've gone by so many different names. 'Zack' in kindergarten through 2nd grade, And then in 3rd I tried to get everyone to call me 'Rose' And then, In 7th grade, For a while, I used my real name. Then in 9th I told people I was trans and to call me Mark. It's since been changed again, But I don't wanna give out my age, Grade or new name people could identify me irl with. I am biologically a woman (and don't plan on changing that, I just like guy names) and so many times in the past I would have JUMPED at the chance to do hormone therapy, WHICH MULTIPLE PEOPLE WHO'VE GONE ON SAY IS NOT REVERSABLE LIKE THEY SAY, Or to completely transition. The reason so many trans people kill themselves isn't from bullying, It's because so many people make a mistake and rush to cut it off or stitch it on and then realize they'll never be the same, Or they realize that it hurts horribly every day and theres no going back to how they used to be, Or they realize they weren't trans in the first place. Some people just like people someone else online, Being different characters, Or like being boys online and a girl in real life. That isn't them being trans, Its just liking a persona. I probably worded this one weirdly I'll just take asks about it and clarify anything that may have came off wrong

I am autistic and have ADHD, BPD and possibly schizophrenia, So I'm not ableist.

My older sister, Whom I grew up with and love dearly, Is black. I do not find my race superior to any others, So I'm not a racist.

My dad is the most important person in my life, And I want to be just like him, No daddy issues.

Mommy issues though, You got me there haha

I don't hate men, In fact so many times here I've stuck up for them. Equal rights, Equal fights. Equal rights ALSO means whatever a WOMAN does, It's okay for a MAN to do. Single fathers shouldnt get suspicious or dirty looks just for fucking existing with their child.

I don't hate women, I love women (literally I'm a lesbian). I think equal pay is fair if both genders are doing the same amount of work, So like. Basically I think more jobs should be 'You get paid per amount of work' and not 'fuck you guys even if he sleeps all day and does none of the work we pay him twice as much because he's been here long >:('

I have bitches, Usually a new one every week honestly (I start relationships fast, I'm 'pretty' for societies standards so it's easy to get more girls), But I'm settling down for now and I'm actually happy

I don't know why I'm still writing literally nobody asked okay bye

[windowscrazyerror]

Not sure how to tw tag this but general warning for discussion of online abuse/harassment + CSA

I went through so much of the type of abuse that would normally get put into a callout these days, but it happened before the era of twitter callouts being a super normalized thing, and it happened on weird isolated communities not connected to centralized social media.

Before I was even 13 years old I had gone through years of constant online bullying and inappropriate sexual behavior coming from older teenagers and even adults.

But this came from so many different people, some of them completely anonymous and the rest using names that I mostly don't remember and probably aren't connected to whatever social media they're using now, that there is no way I could possibly get justice in the form of writing a callout post on all of them.

I think this gives me kind of a different perspective on the whole subject of the necessity of callout posts and in what circumstances they're justified.

Because I don't have the ability to actually do it, I can just consider an ideal fantasy scenario in which every person who hurt me when I was a child gets all the details of their actions written up in a callout post connected to their current identity and shown to the world.

In this situation, would I want to do this? Would I feel like it was justified, and would it give me a sense of closure, or be helpful in any way?

Honestly I don't think so.

Of course I still feel resentment towards the people who hurt me, and if I had the opportunity to meet them again I don't think I could completely forgive them. But the other thing that affects my perspective on this subject is that I've been on the receiving end of many callouts that weren't justified, and I know first-hand the psychological damage it does to you to have your past transgressions shown to the public for thousands of strangers to pick apart and make judgments on.

And I have the feeling that a lot of the people who hurt me were, at the time, also hurting. A lot of them were also young, and we were all in the same toxic cesspool communities. I can understand that if you're growing up in a community where this behavior is fully normalized, it's like... you can either be a bully or be the one getting bullied, and I can't fully hold it against them because of that. It's kind of hard to put into words. I don't think it was perfectly okay for them to abuse me but I recognize that they were also victims, basically.

So even though these people really fucked up my life, I don't feel like it's necessary for me to fuck up their life in return. The exception would be if I knew for certain that any of these people were continuing to do these things 10+ years later in the present day, but I think for most of them that's not very likely. They have probably had enough time to improve themselves and are spending their time in more productive ways now. Either that or they just got even worse, but I'd like to look at it optimistically.

[dsmutp]

Learning Curve (C!Charlie Slimecicle x Reader)

Teaching Charlie was a delight.

When Quackity had put you up to the job, you hadn’t been too sure about it. Teaching someone how to be human (whatever that entailed) seemed like more than you had signed up for when you had become a resident of Las Nevadas - just imagining long hours of helping someone learn the intricacies of human life made your head ache. But Quackity had insisted, and you really had nothing better to do.

Three months into the job though, and you were quite attached to Charlie.

He was a wonderful student - eager to learn and bright enough that it never took him too long to grasp new concepts (though, as with any student, some things came more naturally than others) - and an even more wonderful friend. It was amazing how a sentient piece of goo (though it was really hard for you to think of him like that anymore) could be more kind and caring than half of the actual people you knew. 

You were pleased to say that Charlie had become quite fond of you as well. Though you were only supposed to spend six hours a day with him, oftentimes you wound up just spending your days together, wandering around the unfinished Las Nevadas after you had completed his schooling for the day, talking about whatever crossed your minds. Charlie was always eager to hear stories from your day to day life, and the amount of history he had seen just from being around for that many years never failed to make you gaze at him with wonder. 

It wouldn’t have been a stretch to say that he had become your best friend.

You certainly liked him enough - that goofy smile never failed to brighten your mood, even on the worst days, and though the slight fluidity of his skin had been off putting at first, through the amount of daps you shared, you had gotten used to it - come to enjoy it even, something that was uniquely Charlie.

For all his wonderful attributes though, there were still some times that you got a little exasperated with him. 

“Nope.” You sighed, watching as his arm bent the wrong way again. “You can’t just bend the joint that way, Charlie, that’s not how bones work.”

“But you said to hit the lever behind me..?” Charlie asked, righting his arm again. 

“Right, but with humans, remember, the joints don’t bend all the way around because of the bones.” You reminded him. “Just because your body can bend that way, doesn’t mean mine can.”

Charlie nodded slowly, but the confused look was still hovering in his eyes. 

“Do you want to go over joints and movement again?” You asked. 

Charlie smiled sheepishly. “Yes please.”

You stepped forward, extending your arms. You had done this exercise a few times before, just to help Charlie learn which body parts worked together and which joints moved in which directions. It was easy for him to forget though - his body didn’t really have limits to movement, being slime - and he had a bad habit of just throwing human joint movements away in exchange for what was the most easy at the time. 

Charlie placed his hands on your elbows, and you bent your arms, letting him feel how the joints moved and worked. “See? One way.”

“Right.” Charlie said, nodding now. His hands moved to your shoulders. “But these ones go all the way around?”

You rolled your shoulders, moving the ball joint in a circle. “Correct.”

His hands wandered down to your wrists. “Same as these?”

You rolled your wrists, nodding. 

From there, Charlie’s hands found your hips. “But these ones only go forward and backward.”

“For walking.” You said, nodding. “They can go out, a little - nothing too far though.” 

Charlie nodded, his eyes wandering over your body innocently. The first few times you had done this with him, you had been a little uncomfortable - it was strange, to be treated like a scientific model, slightly slimy hands running up and down your skin, asking what each of your joints and muscles did. But over time, you had gotten used to it - Charlie was only curious to learn, after all, and you were more than willing to help.

A hand over your crotch startled you, and you broke out of your train of thought, raising an eyebrow at Charlie. He only blinked at you though, saying, “You never said what this part’s for.”

You closed your eyes, steeling yourself. You had known this day would come, eventually - sex was a large part of human life, after all. You didn’t really want to be having ‘the talk’ with a sentient piece of goo that you had come to know and love, but you supposed it had had to come at some point. 

“It’s for sex, Charlie.”

Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. “You have a stripper pole on you?”

The comment was so out of place that you couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “What?”

“A stripper pole.” Charlie repeated. “Like the one in the casino? Quackity said it was for sex-”

“No, no.” You said, cutting him off, still laughing. “Sex organs Charles, for the actual act. They’re part of basic human anatomy - everyone’s got some.”

Charlie’s eyes narrowed as he nodded, and movement under his pants caught your eye - the fabric shifted and pulled until it filled out a little more - like his very skin was reshaping itself to include what you had just told him. 

It was then that you realized that Charlie might be the answer to every sexual fantasy you had ever had. 

---

It didn’t take much convincing to get Charlie into bed with you.

You had always known that he had had something of a puppy dog crush on you - just from the way that he hung on your every word, even when you weren’t teaching, and followed you around like a little duckling. You had stopped yourself from doing anything about it though, telling yourself that it would be wrong, that he was your student - but those sentiments had faded the more time you had spent together outside of the teaching. 

They were completely gone now, as you tossed Charlie’s pants over the side of the bed. Though you were both naked as the day you were born, he was perfectly comfortable, sprawled out on the pillows like he owned the place. 

“So, again,” He started. “You want me to put my dick inside you? But not detach it? And thats sex?”

“The basics of it.” You said. “Simple stuff, really. You tell me if you don’t like it though - I don’t know exactly how it’ll feel for you.”

Charlie nodded, arranging his arms underneath his head with a smile. “I am ready to sex.”

You laughed as you straddled his hips, gently wrapping a hand around his cock and aligning it with your hole, just pressing his tip against your entrance. “Promise you’ll tell me to stop if it feels bad, okay? Just because I wanted to try this doesn’t mean you have to suck it up for me.”

“Promise.” Charlie assured you. “I won’t pretend to like it just because you do- hhh.”

You sank down on his cock, reveling at the feeling - there was almost no stretch as he entered you, the slime of his body simply moving like a liquid, filling out your insides completely without having the painful stretch around your entrance. Every nerve ending in you lit up at the contact - the slime filled every space without pushing too far - Charlie’s cock had molded to you completely, hitting all your spots without even trying.

“Wow.” You breathed, placing the palms of your hands on Charlie’s chest. “This is- wow. How’re you feeling Charlie?”

Underneath you, Charlie was in a daze, eyes glazed over as he stared at some point past your shoulder. His mouth moved, but only a long string of syllables came out - more like a moan than any real words.

“Descriptors, love.” You prompted, shifting to place your hands on either side of his face. 

Charlie let out a breathy whimper, his hands finding purchase on your hips, squeezing the skin there. “Good.” He said. “Very very good, uh, sort of tingly? And warm? I-I don’t really know words for it…”

You smiled, caressing his hair. “Good.” You said. It was good to know that it felt pleasurable for him - you weren’t quite sure how slime anatomy worked, and if human sex was something that he would enjoy, but now that you knew it felt as good for him as it did for you, you had no intention of holding back.

You began to rock, slowly, rolling your hips over Charlie’s and letting his cock begin to rub against your walls. Charlie’s fingers dug into your hips more as his breathing canted upwards, instinct taking over as he bucked up into you a few times. You welcomed the movement, using the momentum to fuck yourself down on him harder, savoring the feeling of him running over your nerves, lighting you up from the inside. 

Charlie let out another whimper, and you leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, still keeping your hands framed gently around his face. Charlie kissed back eagerly, releasing his little whimpers and moans into your mouth now, the hands at your hips moving up to your lower back, holding on for dear life.

“You’re doing so well.” You cooed, feeling that familiar coil begin to tighten in your gut. “You’re a natural, Charlie.”

“Really?” Charlie said, a grin overtaking his features. His slimy complexion really didn’t allow for a blush, but you could see the flushed pride just in his expression.

“Really.” You gasped out as a particularly good thrust made your head spin. Your hands fell from Charlie’s face as you instead buried your face into the crook of his neck with a groan, rolling your hips down with more intensity now, chasing your orgasm. Without the painful stretch in the beginning, you were reaching it so much more quickly now - though it probably also helped that Charlie’s cock had become a perfect fill for your insides too - leaving no nerve ending spared.

“Mmmm.” Charlie tipped his head back as he moaned, lips pressing together into a thin line. “It feels different now.” He said, voice shaky. “Bigger, I think?” He tried. 

“That’s supposed to happen.” You said, speeding up your thrusts, for both your sake and Charlie’s. You were getting to the brink of orgasm now, the pleasure making it’s way all the way down your legs and to your toes. It was only a moment more before you were shaking with it, the rolling of your hips slowing as you rode out your high. 

Charlie groaned underneath you, tipping his head back into the pillows as the slime inside you rippled, the sensation making you moan at the strangeness of it. You hadn’t really known what his orgasm was going to look (or feel) like, but you hadn’t been expecting that. 

For a moment, you just laid there, head still tucked under Charlie’s jaw as you both caught your breath, just feeling him breathe.

“That was pretty fun.” Charlie said. “It felt weird, but good weird.”

You sat up, rolling off him to sprawl out on the rest of the bed, his cock sliding out as easily as it had gone in. “Glad you liked it.” You said, letting yourself stretch out into a boneless heap. “For your first time ever, you were really good, Charlie.”

Charlie beamed at the praise, and you pressed a kiss to his cheek. You were definitely going to be doing that again.