#so he's definitely gonna get some stuff
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Not Klaus getting buried alive wtf.
No. Actually. I'm surprised this wasn't done sooner. What better way to torment an immortal character with trauma induced claustrophobia who can see ghosts than to burrie him alive on a cemetery.
#the umbrella academy#tua season 4#tua s4#tua spoilers#tua#I saw a lot of people criticize s4 already#And I'm on ep4 so one episode before the big issue of the season comes up or so#And some stuff is definitely weird#Like not Umbrella Academy weird but writing weird or plothole weird already#But I'm trying to focus on the good stuff I'm getting here#Which is Klaus#Even though he's somehow not part of the plot at all#Or the fact only Allison is looking after him#AFTER he admitted that with his powers back he's prob gonna relapse#Though the family is obviously toxic and dysfunctional#And everyone now knowing Klaus powers include immortality they really just gonna gonna care less#I shouldn't have written all that in the notes#Help
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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first art post of the new year!!! granted, i don't share my art here that much anyway, but– shhh.
hehehehhhooo,, here's something i've been working on for 'bout a month,, albeit not consecutively– took a few,, very very long breaks in between working on this,, but i managed to finish it in the end! am i satisfied with it? .......ehhhh? not completely, but if this took any longer, it might not have seen the light of day, so like. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
anyway,, made a little poster for my favorite fic, tommyinnit's services for villains, vigilantes, and various other vagabonds, by @scorpionoesit!!! it's really really good,,, and i've always wanted to make more art for it,, so i decided– poster! at least,, that's what it's mean to resemble,,, dkdmkdmdkd.
i will freely admit,, i'm... not the biggest fan of the fan-made logo i tried to design for it,, feels a bit boring, and could definitely have used a bit more pizazz, something to make feel more like the fic itself(what does that mean? you figure that out),,,, but– again, steam was running low,, dkdnksjs. graphic design is my passion. i do also have other complaints, but i'm afraid i already punched my one-use self-critique card,, oh well,,, dkdnkxjdkd.
regardless,, even with the flaws only i can really see,, this still turned out pretty okay!! hope you enjoy it, mx. scorpio and mx. alibi!!! and i hope everyone else has a wonderful new year!!!!
#my art#dream smp#services for vagabonds#tommyinnit fanart#tommyinnit#i don't wanna try tagging the rest of them so i'm just not gonna <3#anyway wrow i wonder who the skull guy and mysterious shadowy figure are....... could be anyone.#i was gonna try and fit in some sort of hero so i could check all the dots of everyone tommy's help#specifically either dr**m (derogatory) or phil#(was mostly leaning towards phil)#but 1) couldn't figure out a way to make it look good with the current set up#my first thought was to try moving the current characters around a bit; but then it would feel too crowded#my second thought was to have them appear from the smoke; somehow? a smoky figure?#but that only really looked good in sketch form and i didn't have the patience to figure that out properly#and 2) no clue what their designs look like. don't even know what their powers are; yet!#was also wanting to fit fundy in but it didn't work for the first reason#fun rapid fire character design facts: niki has a littol sharp tooth 'cause of the joker stuff!#i originally gave tubbo green eyes;; but i decided blue-green looked cooler#tech– [cough] i mean;; *orion's* cloak has a faint lil orion pattern on can barely see it but it's there i assure you !!!#(i tried my best for his design but i am. not the greatest at outfits;; especially hero/villain ones)#tommy has long hair bc it's *MY* art and *I* say he gets long hair. this definitely isn't canon to vagabonds i just like to do this#<- also why michael and tommy have freckles#tommy has a bit of green in his design(through the patch) due to a theory of mine :D#might have over-rendered the hair a bit but. fuck you i like it#anyway i think that's all i have to say about it? if you've actually read all these tags;;; have a cookie -> 🍪#pretend it's a peanut butter cookie#actually. no pretend it's both. you get two cookies. as a treat.#anyway have a good rest-of-your-day !!!!!!
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SAY IT WITH ME:
FEMALE CHARACTERS CAN BE WARRIORS AND FEMININE
MALE CHARACTERS CAN BE SMART AND MASCULINE
BEING BOTH IS NOT A "FLAW" WHERE ONE NEEDS TO BE REMOVED
IT'S CALLED "COMPLEXITY"
#i won't tag it#but#HECK if i wanted to chuck episode 5 out my window and then run it over with a car#i mean these issues have definitely been hinted at before ep 5 but that one just went ALL IN#i knew from 3 and 4 what they would probably do with hakoda but GOSH am i bitter about it#i swear if they don't walk this back somehow and make hakoda a bad overbearing dad or whatever i'm gonna riot#and katara's whole 'you know i'm not good at this [womanly] type of stuff' NO SCREW YOU WHOEVER INCLUDED THAT#WHY#if you want a female character that rejects the stereotypes of femininity you'll get one in season 2 gosh DANG IT#you don't need to try and force katara into that role#sokka wanting to use his brain AND fight well is not a flaw#katara wanting to use her waterbending to fight AND knowing how to sew is not a flaw#OH i hate this#i hate this so much#i can understand the need to change story elements to work better in a different format#i don't think they're always doing that WELL but i can understand the need for it#but i will never understand why they felt the need to butcher characters' personalities#again some things won't transfer well i get it i really REALLY do#it's like with sanji in opla how he had to be toned down - that makes sense for a live action adaptation#just removing things simply for the sake of removing them? no just no#'updated for modern audiences' has become a curse to my ears i swear because it always means the same thing#'we're going to remove all complexity and make it as one note as possible so we don't offend anyone'#there was nothing wrong with katara or sokka or aang or anyone else that they needed 'updating' yall are just close-minded#ok rant over just REALLY needed to get that out...
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so like to put kids down for nap I have one kid I read poems to and another kid I make up stories for. And lately the boy I read poems to has started like saying the lines along with me and the girl I make up stories for has started finishing my sentences (every story begins the same way and she knows it!!). And it’s like I tell my coworkers or people this and I’m super excited because not only are the kids being smart but it’s also like showing that I’m making an impact you know?
#captain’s own#dumb bitch hours#it’s like I dunno#I’m kinda autistic about child education stuff and my kids from work#And I almost started crying when I heard them#hearing my boy Wywy’s squeaky little voice saying “Whose woods these are I think I know” while he’s yawning#and my girl Re looking up at me and saying “and very stubborn” to finish my description of the princess because I always describe her#as “beautiful brave strong smart and very stubborn” and Re knows it!#or like when I sing songs for them and they memorize them#Or even the other kids picking up on nicknames I give them and using them#it’s just! I dunno I love babies so much#I’m going out of town next week and I’m gonna miss them so much#I’m gonna get them some fancy Parisian chocolates which they almost definitely won’t appreciate as much as I do
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love the idea of transhet laios
#random thoughts#dungeon meshi#chilchuck watches in horror as laios slowly animorphs into his second wife#'he didn't have a second wife?' not yet babeyyy#i am neutral verging on negative on trans chilchuck (negative being mainly because i see it everywhere)#i don't like it when people take the male character who looks the youngest and make him trans like 'well duh'#so he's cis to meee. and bisexual but quiet about it in the same way he's quiet about literally everything else about him#he knows what being trans is because one of his daughters is trans :] flertom#the way she treated her transition was throwing herself headfirst into gender roles like wanting to get married and worrying about her look#which laios definitely won't do (she was horrified when she saw how she would have stayed in the village and had a family in the au viewer)#but it'd be interesting to see chilchuck try to be supportive by encouraging her to try traditionally feminine things#which laios wouldn't be very interested in and probably wouldn't be able to connect the dots on her own that he's trying to be supportive#so she'd just be like. questioning why chilchuck keeps getting her weird gifts#pink and frilly and aaaaaaa#probably use some of the gifts for weird things. uses a sewing kit for taxidermy.#appreciates the new baking supplies probably#he gets her a journal which she genuinely uses#chilchuck seeing how she reacts to his gifts and knowing she doesn't get what he's doing but he's not gonna open up about it#so here have some more stuff until you get the point#btw this is unrelated but does anyone else think it's weird it's marcille who was able to put herself into the shoes of chilchuck's wife?#like she literally viewed him as a child for the longest time but now she's miss empathy???#honestly i think it'd've made more sense if laios did it? like how he put together the cannibalism thing#like i know he's not good with social cues but it could have been a chance to demonstrate how well he knows chilchuck#laios in another life would be the world's greatest detective
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Me? actually trying to do tarot cards?? sounds fake
#composition is something i definitely still have to practice a lot so tbh its good that im finally making myself do this xD#the neira one is the only one so far where ive tired blocking colours so far cos its the only one where i had a p solid palette in mind#def have to either deepen the shadows in the face or remove the tears/blood/death smoothie bc rn it looks kind of weird fjsdfl#oc: neira surana#oc: liam hawke#oc: june trevelyan#my ocs#my art#wip#tarot cards#so uhh. theres nothing super deep tbh but some thoughts behind some of the stuff#first thought was having a similar setup/comp for all of them but i am probably not gonna do that#sticking to suit of cups for neira cos its the perfect excuse to keep put the joining chalice there lol#also the circle cos. she is a circle mage. very far fetched i know#it does also fit w being trapped and going in circles and w life/death cycle so. there's that#liam gets angsty three of swords imagery because of course he does#i kinda wanna mirror varrics post hlta card and also that one abstrac-y thing i did of liam some time ago#also chains maybe? for kirkwall and for not letting go and all that#for june i do like the close up in theory bc i like having it very focused on /her/#bc her development in dai is much more personal rather than strongly tied to the central narrative#& also focusing on her magic cos thats an important part of her & her development (& it fits her v egocentric mindset thru most of dai)#but it also looks too. idk. powerful? like she's in control. which she absolutely isnt lmao#so the other one is kinda the exact opposite direction. more zoomed out & dynamic but i want it to feel more claustrophobic too#sort of. trapped animal kinda deal. trying to get out. keeping the fire theme tho#(ignore that her glowy hand is on the wrong side i accidentally drew it flipped lol)#i am. not good at detailed and or nuanced composition so everything turns out p bold and on the nose ^^''#it's a start tho!#(i do have more thoughts than what i wrote lol but i am running out of tags and also im tired)#feedback/tips are def appreciated btw! :>
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Real talk I think Cherry Coading and R. Marie should switch evil genius partners for a week and see what happens
#not even in a romantic way its almost like theyre switching jobs 😂#mostly losing my mind thinking about mojo trying to deal with r marie's pure fucking evil vibes and almost not being able to handle it 😂#like yeah he's evil of course but she's also just bitter and mean. theyre definitely gonna fight at some point hrnsjxbfb#OMG WAIT AND I MADE HER CANONICALLY DISLIKE ANIMALS. OH THEYRE GONNA FUCKIN FIIIIIIIIGHT#she would probably give such backhanded compliments like 'sure pretty good evil plot.. for a monkey <_<' HRNDJDBTX#meanwhile cortex is so so used to r marie's mean fucking love that cherry's sweet adorable good vibes would be DISTURBING to him 😂😂#like he might enjoy it for a minute but his masochist ass would definitely not be able to handle that level of SWEET and GENTLE#and i dont mean not be able to handle in a cutesy way like awww ohhh he gets to experience gentle love NO. HE WOULD BE SICK#she's like 'wowww dr cortex thats such an impressive machine! you built it all on your own omg you are SO smart!!! >w<' and he would GAG#meanwhile in townsville r marie and mojo are just trying to out-evil each other 😂she isnt even helping with anything its a str8 up contest#i guess that also means r marie dealing with the powerpuff girls 0-0 crash always stops cortex thru luck and making stuff backfire on him#but he's never actually FOUGHT him (unless u count twinsanity) but those girls are BRUTAL so r marie definitely boutta lose some teeth 😳#i think at the end of the week everyone is going to be more than relieved to go back where they belong 😂💀😂💀😂#ruby rambles#🍒🧠: evil does it better#💜: the man of my schemes#🍒🧬: emotional processing lag#💜: loving you's a felony
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i have been Brewing thoughts about an it rtc au… if you even care…
#theo.txt#it#rtc#like its.. definitely it characters ride the cyclone & fucking die im not giving them characters mainly because i Cannot get the losers to#be Like That w/ each other#the only character im ‘casting’ is mike as jane <3#he has some lamb/sheep stuff & he has some clown stuff going on <3#& the rest of the losers cant Remember him but they Know someone is supposed to be there#they can feel mikes absence like a missing limb they keep going to ask him something & they keep getting So Close to who he’s supposed to be#but its just kn the tip of their tongue & every time they turn like theyre gonna ask mike something its… not mike & it feels Wrong but there#is also something hauntingly familiar about it all#they vote mike back jn the end also. btw.#uhm !#& also !!#pennywise as some fucked up kinda karnak where instead of trying to be as kind as he is able & Save their lives this is like some kind of#torture.#like. yk. losers being separated thwyre always going to be missing One of them & they Had Him. the Whole Time but they Didnt Know#<- bill beats himself up about that one forEVER#uhm yeah thats it thats all i have i think
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Kill the cringe cop in your head, do what makes you happy.
#just don't like. hurt ppl or yourself??? on purpose?????#that's it that's the only stipulation. and it's on a case-by-case basis#<- said like a true enjoyer of r/prorevenge#half of 'em posts are a creative writing exercise anyway#and that's fine#it's alright#all they need to bring to the table is the third party enjoyment of destroying an asshole's whole life deservedly. not honesty#honesty is just a pretty little nice bonus!#anyway#demon rambles™#also do i think IM!Cup would be THAT flirty?? nah#i read it a little more like condescension than outright flirting bc as the reader you're supposed to be in the same shithole as him#idk he gives me the vibe of somebody who's more lenient to himself than to strangers bc he KNOWS his own circumstances#for all he knows you might ACTUALLY deserve the devil's contract. though I don't think I'm gonna go down that route tbh#also I'm just gonna do this in the background of other stuff bc it is a HEFTY thing to get into lmaooo#I'd have to make illustrations to be pictures he sends u. I'd have to design dates (which would just be reader insert fics ngl) etc etc#it's a LOT of work but it's gonna be fun as hell!#also I'm planning to do it with all main characters + some of the fan favorite side ones (and my personal favorites thrown in as well shhh)#so it'd be cup mugs bends boris holly alice felix fanny oswald and whichever else i decide to throw at the wall to see if they stick idk#inky mystery#bendy and boris in the inky mystery#babitim#the inky mystery#also is cup's accent a little TOO strong there?? idk if I'm willing to change it but I'll DEFINITELY consider it#i can also consider changing the tagging for the characters in case y'all are uncomfortable with the 18+ tag#either way not everyone will have that one! bc that's a completely optional tag on mechat anyway#ok yea im done yapping byeee
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I have a question what were Annie's og parents like(i mean she was willing to run away with five aliens to be her fathers instead so I don't think they might have been the best😬) or maybe they're dead and were good people idk
A lot of the lore is actually written by @sweetpeaches666, who may be tagged under sugarbutterfly432, thanks to Annie technically being a 3 way OC lmao. There has been nothing solidly concrete about Annie's OG parents beyond the fact that she doesn't know her ancestry and she's had many foster homes AND orphanages to live in (plus it'd also be easier legal wise for the Andromeda 5 to adopt her if she isn't officially someone else's kid at the time)
It's actually why she does ballet, one of her foster mothers wanted to recreate her failed dream, turns out it breeds resentment and a lot of running away :P
What can be said is that Annie's been many different homes and in a constant state of transitioning between them, a prime example of being a refunded kid and all that, something something No Roots by Alice Merton yada yada 'oh no that's relatable'. Her birth parents one way or another have never been in her life, though regardless of what actually happened Annie will always believe that they left her behind like like everyone else did :P
#ask#anonymous#annie andromeda#ben 10 oc#ben 10#if there was a frequent flyer's pass for running away annie would be getting so many check-ins#or whatever happens with frequent flyer stuff idk i don't fly#anyway annie would call herself a jailbird if living in group homes or transition homes fit the definition#she sure does fly the coop enough to make the connection stick#p'andor adopting her out of the blue (give or take the actual time it would legally take to do so) after she tried to mug him#was the biggest shock that left her reeling for a hot fucking minute before she even had the chance to maybe run away again#something something 'what do you have' yada yada 'a smoothie'#annie realises she's been adopted by aliens or at least in the process of being adopted by them during the midst of her confusion#and maybe being kitted out with a room and also a wallet to mooch off of#because while the andromeda 5 are being given parental rights and responsibilities she's living under their roof#if shit goes south she can at least get one of the adults to purge their money on her food and supplies should she run off later#(which doesn't end up happening... at least not seriously with resentment)#sometimes she feels the need to take a breather from a comparably overwhelming amount of love and affection sent her way#let alone the fact that she's getting like 5 adults' care instead of the nuclear 2#which may or may not end up freaking out some of them (ra'ad especially but probably everyone but p'andor)#p'andor being a combination of not fully grasping what a kid on a conceptual level is but also because he first met annie trying to rob him#not exactly points for him in the 'responsible parent' tally but he's far from a single parent#sure technically- since annie's 16 (give or take to match ben's age)- she was soon gonna be too old for the orphanage#p'andor will be the one to look for her (he'll actually insist since the others might freak her out more) even if it means they stay out#just an easy bake oven taking his outdoor cat on a walk- he and annie will return home soon but hey- nothing like a breath of fresh air#anyway the tags hold more details than the post itself lmao tag rambling at it's finest :P#hmm does there need to be a warning for this?
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y'all ever just. have those times where you don't really have any energy to deal with f/o angst either from either canon or from your own scenarios you've come up with?
sometimes you just want to think about soft comfort you know? 😞
#eve speaks#i am so. so tired today#i haven't really been sleeping well lately so that's probably part of it? although i actually fell asleep pretty early yesterday for once#but well... there's other reasons for why that was the case that i'm not gonna get into#also this post is (mostly) inspired by the fact that we're getting new zayne content in the game he's from (which is very exciting!!)#but from the trailer you can tell it's definitely gonna be angsty to some extent#which normally is fine for me (and i am looking forward to that stuff don't get me wrong👀)#i just... can't really deal with it today. it's a bit too much for my current mental state i think#which really sucks bc it's all everyone is talking about in the character tags when i search him up and i just... *sighs*#i wish i could be as hype as everyone else rn but alas i am not feeling super up to it atm
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there isn’t a single universe in which dhes graduates from college…
#even in the college AU he drops out lol#guy was not built for school#straight c student. bare minimum effort. could not give a shit.#still no computer for me :-(#i did go to the river yesterday though & found some cool rocks!!#also finally got around to watching love lies bleeding…..#definitely a movie i’m gonna have to add to my collection#n e way#gonna try to catch up on stuff later today & maybe q some things#might rb some old stuff for dhes’ birthday. we’ll see.#my main goal today is to work on slaughter house.#i have reached the like. scene planning stage finally so#i’ve been trying to write some sentences here & there to kinda get a feel for what the prose will be like#progress is slow#but there is progress#rainyrambles
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I'm not a "new musical theatre style music" person. Never have been.
Even when I was doing voice lessons, I'd steer towards the golden age or jazzy musical theatre songs. My voice teacher would have to drag me kicking and screaming towards adding anything new musical theatre to my repertoire. For a while, the most modern song in my book was I Know The Truth from Aida, and I wouldn't count that as new musical theatre style since I mean more the Pasek&Paul or Joe Iconis type.
And now I have an audition coming up for a small production of a show in that style and I'm supposed to sing a song in a similar style. And I'm looking at all my sheet music like... let me do some Cole Porter... or Gershwin... at least Sondheim please...
#look i do have SOME newer musicals in my book. but like i said. kicking and screaming.#i'm probably gonna end up doing 'I Think That He Likes Me' which is not IN a musical it's just new musical theatre style#as part of a songbook for some writing duo that i can't remember the name of and it's 2:45am so i can't care enough to look it up.#and it's the only one in my sheet music folder that i'm like 'ok. this is TRULY the right style' and i know it's good in my voice#and it's a cute song and i do like it and it definitely fits the overall vibe of the show#and though i haven't sung it in like 4 years i still remember 90% of the words and have time to study it before the audition#but while trying to find that song deep deep in my folder i pass by other songs i just love so much more#and i'm like ahhhhhhhh why#and i'm not even like 'god i hope i get it' (see A Chorus Line. that's more my type) i truly don't care if i'm cast or not#and yes i can technically audition with any song i could ever want it's just suggested to do the same style#but i know the entire creative panel who i'll be auditioning for and the last 2 times i auditioned for them i sang the same song#only because it's a GOOD song that fit both shows i was auditioning for (Can't Stop Talking About Him by Frank Loesser)#(perfect audition song since it's short at like 28 bars and you can pick the tempo and do a lot of character stuff)#(but see this is what i mean. like 1/3 of my entire sheet music folder is golden age musicals. then half is 60s-90s.)#(and then the last chunk are the few new-ish musical theatre and some pop music.)#(if i took performing more seriously i'd have a wider range but this is truly just for fun and just for me. so i do what i like.)#i don't want to go in for a 3rd audition with the same creative team and doing the same song. especially since it doesn't fit this time.#so once again. dragged kicking and screaming. over to new musical theatre territory. unwillingly.#if i get cast we'll have to see if the show itself even grows on me since honestly i think there's maybe 2 songs i like in it.#it's definitely not the worst new musical theatre style show but it's also not one that drew me in.#ok wait while looking through lists of 'new musical theatre' shows to find one i actually like (i think just Legally Blonde sorry guys)#(every other new musical in the last 20 years that i like did something interesting with the music like Come From Away)#i ended up finding out that apparently 13 was adapted into a netflix movie? when did that even happen?#i mean i don't care for that show either but i thought i was at least up to date on movie adaptations.
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Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿
Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿
#comet rambles#putting in queue to deploy later#parent loss tw#just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen#when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance#has been figured out definitely#i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that#personal#gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still#or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk#most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try#and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense#i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc#its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times#hope this makes sense#🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain#as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao#i wish i was kidding#but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh#also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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