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odessa-castle · 11 months

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I'm bouncing around a larger post about Nishiki and the mortifying ordeal of being known, but in the meantime I'm thinking about Nishiki and Kiryu and how the clothes make (or don't make) the man. Like, beyond my visceral horror that Kiryu begged Nishiki to pick out a safe and boring suit for him in Y0 and then said he was envisioning something purple with gold stripes.

I'm thinking about Nishiki's incredible sensitivity to image and his need to control how he's perceived. I'm thinking about Kiryu's inability to let go of the past. I'm thinking about how KIryu dresses like who he thinks he is, and Nishiki dresses like who he thinks he wants to be.

There's some interesting incidental dialogue between Nishiki and Kiryu in Y0 while they're en route to the men's suit store. I wish it wasn't so easy to miss, because there's a lot to unpack here. (I'm just transcribing the English in-game subtitles here; I don't speak Japanese so I have no idea how loose vs. direct the localization is in this part.)

NISHIKI: …now that I think about it, you've been dressing like an old man since we were kids. KIRYU: Have I? NISHIKI: Yeah. The few times we got to pick our clothes, it was always like, "you're choosing THAT?" NISHIKI: I wouldn't say you're a plain guy…You'd pick shirts with weird prints though. KIRYU: Guess I forgot all that. It's weirder to me that you haven't. NISHIKI: Well, confession time. You're why I started caring about fashion. I swore I'd never go out dressed like you. KIRYU: Come on, I'm not THAT bad. [we have already discussed why kiryu is, in fact, that bad.] NISHIKI: [laughing] Aww, did I hurt your feelings? NISHIKI: Well, this time you've got me with you. I'll see my bro gets taken care of. KIRYU: Heh. What an honor. NISHIKI: Leave it to me.

Nishiki doesn't bring up Sunflower Orphanage much; when he does share memories of his childhood, those memories are kind of painful (see: "do orphans not get to dream?"). Kiryu's surprised that Nishiki remembers how they dressed as kids, but it makes sense that wearing a limited selection of hand-me-downs stuck with Nishiki so strongly. His clothes announced his poverty, and they weren't even his -- he had to share them with the other orphans, so what he wore showed he belonged to yet another stigmatized group. And I'm sure people picked up on those visual signals, especially other kids. Kids can be vicious, and appearance is an easy and immediate target! We don't know for sure how young Nishiki interacted with his peers and teachers, but given what the Morning Glory kids go through in Y3 (and given, like, everything about Nishiki), he probably didn't have a great time.

Kiryu frames his childhood as poor but loving, and places much more emphasis on the latter. There might be some rose-colored glasses at work there -- let's look at the flashback where Kazama tries (and fails) to violently dissuade Kiryu and Nishiki from joining the yakuza.

KIRYU: I owe you everything, but this isn’t about that. [...] We’ve looked up to you for all this time. Your car. Your confidence… The way everybody bows to you. We idolized you. I want that life, too. Is that so wrong!?

Nishiki doesn't really speak in this flashback, but like, Kiryu uses "we" enough for us to draw some obvious conclusions about Nishiki's own motivations. That being said, I don't think Kiryu's being dishonest or disingenuous when he describes his childhood as happy, and himself as well-loved. He's not ashamed of his upbringing, and he doesn't hide where he came from. Nishiki seems to have the inverse view. It's not that he doesn't love (at least some of) the people he grew up with, but what comes up first for him is what he didn't have. He didn't have money. He didn't have respect. He didn't have a cure for his little sister. He didn't have a lot of choice, right down to the clothes he wore.

(There's a whole other essay here about why Kiryu's and Nishiki's perspectives diverge on this, but I'm trying to limit the scope of this post. Suffice to say that, while I don't think game canon gives a timeline, I do think Nishiki was a little older when his parents were killed -- old enough that he actually remembers them, at least.)

The same mindset fuels Nishiki's interest in fashion. Yeah, part of it is that he's ribbing Kiryu, but I think it goes deeper than Kiryu wearing ugly shirts. Nishiki doesn't want people to look at him and see what's missing. Fashion isn't a means of personal expression for him, really. It's a message. It's the interplay of knowledge and resources and presentation: knowing what clothes read as successful and trendy and expensive, being able to afford those things, and convincing people that your successful important outfit makes you a successful important person. And he's not wrong about the social dimensions of fashion.

NISHIKI: Try sporting a suit that runs 500 grand for once. Trust me, you’ll see the world in a whole new light. KIRYU: Fashion’s not my thing. Besides, Kazama-san never wore flashy clothes. NISHIKI: You do realize he’s the family captain, right? Number two in the whole Dojima operation? You get to that level, you can wear whatever you damn well please. But for the rest of us, “flashy” is part of the business. KIRYU: So that fancy new car you bought was just “business”. NISHIKI: Yeah, and that fancy lighter of mine, too. Which you still haven’t given back. KIRYU: You want to play the rich guy, quit being so stingy. NISHIKI: But you get what I’m saying, right? People see the expensive car, the designer jacket, and the gleam of that little Dojima pin, they pay attention. A yakuza’s only as good as his image. [...] Take your buddy today. These squeaky-clean idiots, borrowing money just to blow on tits and booze… Nobody in this town gives a crap about substance. What you see is what you get.

That's our first take on one of the major themes of the game: what does it mean to be yakuza? Again, there is truth to what Nishiki's saying here, particularly in terms of the ethos of the eighties. I'm not an expert on the bubble era, but the worldbuilding in the game speaks for itself. People hail taxis with 10,000-yen bills. You punch money out of punks during random street battles. Nishiki keeps a personal bottle of high-end booze at a bar he's visited twice, mostly because he "can’t stand being taken for a bum." The act of spending is important, not what you're spending it on.

Nishiki's outfit in Y0 is perfectly suited (heh) to that outlook. And look, I might be inviting controversy here, but in context, I think it's a werq. Yes, it's loud. But the silhouette -- squared shoulders, single breasted, thinner peaked lapel -- is right on trend for the time period, and it fits him well. The colors look good on him. The bold pattern (no, it's not animal print) under the solid maroon is a risk, but he pulls it off. And excess aside, he knows when to pull back on the accessories. It's bright and confident and memorable, and boy would Nishiki like to be all of those things.

Also -- and importantly -- Kiryu would never go out dressed like that. Because we can't talk about Nishiki and Kiryu without talking about Nishiki's Mt. Fuji-sized inferiority complex. Mastering image doesn't just make Nishiki stand out; it makes him stand out from Kiryu. Let's go back to the beginning of the game.

NISHIKI: I’ll admit, though, you’re finally starting to look the part. You make a pretty convincing yakuza. You’re done with collections today, right? KIRYU: Yeah. NISHIKI: Good. That should put Kazama-san’s mind at ease a bit. KIRYU: Heh, dunno about that. But he always knew all I could do is fight. You’re the one who’s good at the dance.

Nishiki then calls attention to the "rags" that Kiryu's wearing, which...is not an unfair assessment. (TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, KIRYU. HEM YOUR PANTS.) As the two of them walk around Kamurocho, Nishiki offers Kiryu plenty of hot tips, from meeting girls to making big bucks to cozying up to the brass. But even when Nishiki's opining on his area of expertise, there's a competitive edge to it. "You asking me to pick out clothes for you means you admit you have terrible taste," he tells Kiryu on the way to the suit shop. Kiryu tells him to shut up, but there's no actual hurt behind it. Kiryu doesn't really care that his taste in clothes sucks. Fashion isn't important to him. Most of the things Nishiki knows so much about don't really matter to Kiryu. And that makes Nishiki feel more insecure! Because if Kiryu rolls out of bed looking like a yakuza, if Nishiki's image counseling sessions aren't helpful or meaningful, if Kiryu can skip the dance and get to the top on the strength of his fists and convictions, then who cares about Nishiki's 500 grand suit or his hourlong hair care routine? If image isn't what makes a yakuza, what does that make Nishiki?

At the end of Chapter 6, Nishiki tries to look out for Kiryu again -- this time, by granting him a merciful death before the Dojima Family drags him to the Hole. It's one of my favorite scenes in the game. Nishiki's crying too hard to aim the gun properly; Kiryu tells him to man up and shoot. Finally, Nishiki collapses.

NISHIKI: Can’t do it… How could I shoot you!? Without you, I’ll always be nothing. Can’t make it as a yakuza… No. I wouldn’t even still be alive now if I didn’t have you beside me! I’m just… If you’re not with me, I’m useless! Nothing means anything!

Mastering image hasn't granted Nishiki anything of substance. At the end of the day, Nishiki's playing dress-up, and he knows it.

And I'm almost certainly getting into overthinking-this territory now (if I haven't gotten there already), but I kind of like the spin this puts on Nishiki ripping his expensive suit off in Chapter 14 when he decides to fight the Dojima Family at Kiryu's side. Like yes, ripping off your outer layers to get at the naked (so to speak) truth -- your irezumi, and what it represents -- is just Yakuza Storytelling 101. It's decisive, it's kind of dumb, it's great, it gets me hyped every time. But I like that Nishiki's honest answer to "what does it mean to be a yakuza?" isn't about looking the part. I am genuinely trying not to end this paragraph by saying that Nishiki must become like a dragon, but like...you get where I'm going with this.

Of course, Nishiki's back to playing dress-up in Y1/Kiwami. I'm not the first to call the Patriarch Nishikiyama look a glow-down (though I like the patterned white tie). Like, fashion-conscious Nishiki would look good in a Hedi Slimane/Tom Ford-esque skinny black suit. But he picks a silhouette you'd expect to see on a much older man, torso-swallowing pants and all. The slicked-back hair doesn't help. He's just so transparently trying to look bigger and broader and older, and he doesn't pull it off. Big Bad Patriarch isn't a good look for him, in any sense of the phrase.

A final thought: Kiryu's clothes, and Nishiki's commentary on them, are the subject of their first conversation in Y0 -- and of their last. Kiryu's costume progression in Y0 is a pretty obvious commentary on his journey, to the point where Kiryu and Nishiki explicitly call attention to the color connotations in their final exchange. As a Dojima grunt, he wears black, and it doesn't look good on him because "brutish thug who keeps his head down and does what he's told" isn't a role he's comfortable with. He wears white when he works in real estate, but the change in color isn't enough to sell anyone on his transformation into a civilian. Although it's a little rich for Oda "Red Clown Shoes" Jun to chide someone for not wearing a proper suit. At the end of the game, Kiryu's in his classic grey suit, and well, the game spells it out:

KIRYU: I’m not feeling black or white these days. This is where I’m at right now. I chose it myself. I’m making it a fresh start. NISHIKI: Fine, fine. See if I care! Wear it the rest of your life!

Nishiki, dismayed, tells Kiryu that the grey suit already looks dated, but for Kiryu, "fresh start" doesn't mean "on trend". His image might be out of step with how other yakuza view themselves, or want to be seen, but if he's always going to look like a yakuza, he might as well stake his claim on what being a yakuza means. Still, it's telling that, even as a young man, Kiryu looks like a throwback to an earlier era. As the series progresses, the games hammer this home more and more. How many antagonists tell Kiryu that he's out of touch with the modern world, that he represents a version of the yakuza that no longer exists, that it's time for him to make way for the next generation?

"Wear it the rest of your life!" is a funny little in-joke, yeah, but...it's a little sad when you think about it, isn't it? Kiryu gets new outfits from Y3 on -- and in every game, he ultimately puts the suit back on and heads to Kamurocho. It's exactly of a piece with how Kiryu views being yakuza. We, and he, can debate the exact extent of his retirement from the Tojo Clan's affairs, but the yakuza isn't a career for Kiryu, it's a set of beliefs he carries with him. He wears the suit the same way he wears the dragon on his back: as an indelible part of his self-image.

#yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza meta #kiryu kazuma #nishikiyama akira #kazuma kiryu #akira nishikiyama #i've been poking at this thing intermittently for months but a certain tournament really got my mental gears going again #yakuza's just really fun to put under a microscope #i'm interested in the way the games do things even when i don't like what they do #(although to be clear i *do* generally like how rgg dresses its cast)#(even the outfits i make fun of are usually like...coherently delivering a statement about the character wearing them)#genuinely did not think i'd spend so much time writing this but hey #maybe i'll do these kinds of posts more than like...biannually...if they're sufficiently interesting #meta

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carminecarnivale · 5 months

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Literally no one is talking about this (that I’ve seen anyway) and the episode is old now but I can’t stop thinking about it so I’m making a post anyway.

This is about the scene in Helluva Boss season 2 episode 7 “Mammon’s Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special” where a young imp and Fizzarolli sign to each other.

TLDR: The signing is wonky and the scene feels unearned.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT DEAF AND NOT AN ASL EXPERT. THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION OF THIS SCENE. I DO NOT SPEAK FOR DEAF OR HOH PEOPLES’ OPINIONS.

Right. So, surface level, what do the writers *want* to have the signing mean? What is their desired English sentiment?

Kid: Fizzarolli! I’m a big fan!

Fizz: Come on over here

Kid: I want to be a clown just like you!

Fizz: You can do anything you want to do.

Cool, great. Now, what did they actually sign? DISCLAIMER 2: THERE IS NO WRITTEN FORM OF ASL, ASL CAN BE SORT OF TRANSCRIBED IN ENGLISH BUT IT IS NOT WRITTEN ASL.

Kid: F-CLOWN (name sign, “Fizzarolli”) I BIG FAN.

Fizz: [Gesture to come over]

Kid: CLOWN SAME-AS-YOU.

Fizz: IF/SUPPOSE WANT, CAN-aff WORK.

On the most basic level, this is fine. It more-or-less represents what the writers wanted to be said. But it’s just…not great. It’s so simple compared to what the writers wanted to say. It makes the translation put up on screen look wrong.

The kid makes no indication that they “want” to be a clown, they could very well have been meaning that they currently ARE a clown, maybe even in training. There was no indication of “becoming” or a future signifier. There was a general lack of pronouns making it sound vague. The final sentiment from Fizz is much more grounded than what the writers wanted him to say. “You can do anything!” vs “you could work as a clown if you wanted to.” The difference speaks for itself.

There ARE signs for the sentiment they want to convey!!! They exist!!! LOOK: https://youtu.be/JbfWzc0-R6E?si=FxvbC9l-hvArLPg0

youtube

“But wait!” I hear you say. “What if they got the signs first and mistranslated it?”

Since this is an English show for English speakers that must be written in English, no. They wrote the translation first and put mediocre signing in the episode.

Could the sentiment have been gutted for time/animation constraints? Quite possibly! But we’ve seen the kinds of shots the Helluva team can pull off (Striker’s 3/4 turn with the pistol, DHORKs full camera action spin, to name a few) so I don’t doubt they COULD have animated the signing appropriately if they wanted to.

Now, they did have an ASL consultant for this episode (the bare minimum we love to see it, AND on the very last page of credits? wow), his name is Salvador Baltazar. There’s not much out there on him, but he’s primarily an interpreter. There is no way to know what he helped with or how much he dictated the scene and I don’t plan on wildly speculating. It’s great that he’s there, why did he let this signing air the way it did though.

Finally, what’s the purpose of this scene? Why is it here? Why these characters in this situation?

More competent analysts than I have picked apart the woobification of Helluva characters and how, once they’re not a villain anymore, their characterization and morals get completely overhauled to appeal to the “oh he’s so traumatized!” crowd.

I think this scene is a part of that. And it got its desired reaction.

Seeing celebrities interact well with children is already something that would net a character some popularity brownie points. If that child is clearly an “other” and the celebrity does something special to recognize that child? Brownie fucking bakeries.

The purpose of this scene is to show that not all of Fizz’s fans suck, yes, but also to show how kind and nice and thoughtful Fizz is just to hammer home how TragicTM his situation is.

And the fans went wild!!!! Here is a character putting in effort to learn ASL and speak with child fans! Wow he’s so great! He’s so amazing! What Herculean tasks he’s taken upon himself to be so cool! Wow! (Not everyone says it like that, but that was the general vibe of the Helluva tag following the episode’s release).

It got fans speculating; “I wonder if this ties into his Tragic BackstoryTM!” We’ll probably never know because Fizz’s fluency in ASL, his role in the Deaf community, is not something the writers care about exploring. They didn’t include a scene with ASL because they wanted to have a deaf character, they included it to make Fizz look good.

Something a lot of people have brought up about this kid—and rightfully so—is their age. What’s this 9 year old doing at the blow-out clown sex appeal concert? How did they get into the VIP section? Couldn’t you contrast the possessive critic guy with another adult who isn’t gross? Wouldn’t it make more sense if this character was an ADULT at the ADULT SHOW?

Yes! Yes it would! But would an adult signer garner half as many pity points as a young child with stars in their eyes? No. I doubt it would.

This scene is not here to show respect for deaf people. Just like the show doesn’t respect deaf people. I ask you to check out the captions for season 2 episode 6. Go on.

Because you know what you’ll find?

A bunch of loud, keysmashing inanity, that ignores describing what’s being said in favour of making queef jokes. These are not functional captions. For a show that prides itself on being just as professional as what you can find aired on TV or streaming, this is laughably bad. This is YouTube 2013 gaming jump scare compilations bad. And those captions are Still There DESPITE people pointing out that they’re not functional.

From a studio that’s fine with sabotaging their own captions I really shouldn’t be surprised with their treatment of ASL as sloppy, basic, and only really there for pandering.

Jesus Christ, do better.

#helluva boss #helluva boss fizzarolli #helluva boss season 2 #helluva boss season two episode seven #mammons magnificent musical mid season special #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 7 months

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Play-by-Play Analysis of HARROW

Hello members of the jury! Since I only recently joined the Milgram fandom, I feel it'd be nice to have most of my thoughts on each MV so far in one big analysis for each. I'm starting with HARROW because Kotoko's second trial MV is coming out relatively soon, so I want to get my thoughts about her in order before then!

What? Double? MeMe? What are you talking about?

(Translation: Mikoto's giving me a headache so I've decided to hold off more in-depth analysis until Double actually releases)

Anyways, let's see what our local furry vigilante has for us!

CW Death and murder, child kidnapping and torture, vigilantism, online radicalization, self-loathing and grief, mention of cannibalism, sexual harassment (upskirt shots)

Theoretical Basis

(For anyone not yet familiar with the prisoner's situation)

There's not much debate over what Kotoko's murder is. She killed someone to "protect the weak", so vigilante justice.

[TASK (First Voice Drama)] Kotoko: I did kill someone. This is the one reason why I believe in the power of MILGRAM. But, the murder is only to protect the weak ones being bullied from the extremely evil ones. I became a shield for the weak, the result of becoming a fang for the weak.

The exact nature of her murder is... complicated, but we'll get there in the analysis.

Analysis

Alright, let's see what kind of incredibly subtle symbolism this video has in store for us-!

Or maybe we just get punched in the face by the symbolism! The opening lingers on a shot of Kotoko wearing a blindfold because "justice is blind." You get it? The lyrics in this scene are:

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared

(I'm using the English subtitles transcribed in the wiki btw, though I might change a bit of formatting for funsies)

So basically setting up the main message HARROW wants to communicate; Kotoko wants to protect those she considers weak. She cannot possibly forgive any offense, that she... "sweared." The past tense of 'swear' is 'swore' but alright.

However, it's worth noting that this is a biased showing of the events, as we're seeing them through Kotoko's eyes. She considers her justice as "blind", but I'm not entirely sure that's true. We’ll get to it when we get to it.

‘Harrow’ means to cause distress to (because I’m pretty sure we’re not referencing any farming equipment). In context, I believe it means Kotoko feels distressed by the evil in the world, which will make more sense as we look at other lyrics.

Kotoko is in her investigation room, for lack of a better name, and is pondering her investigation board. Now, if you think I'm insane enough to try to figure out what she's doing in that board... you're right, but I couldn't figure out anything too interesting. She seems to just be narrowing down suspects and figuring out murder routes.

Kotoko is seen wearing a white jacket with red streaks, as well as a black tank top of despair and white shoes. I've explained how I view the symbolism of her clothes in this other post (which you should probably read before this one because I reference it quite a bit), so I'm not gonna go too deeply into it here.

The interesting thing about this scene are all the wolves staring into the camera there. I believe all these wolves represent people online who do similar things to Kotoko and influencing her, which is gonna make slightly more sense as we go further. Note that there are many wolves here, too many to just be her family in my opinion, which is an interpretation I've seen around.

However, it's notable that there is also one other wolf which is seen directly next to Kotoko, not to mention the two wolf pelts (a white one where Kotoko is sitting, a brownish-grayish one next to her). We see the wolf sleeping for a moment, before waking up with a close up of its eye. By the way, in case anyone's concerned, the wolf is not different from the wolves we see in the pack later. It only looks white momentarily because of the lighting, but you can actually see it has the same "white under - gray top" as every other wolf.

I hope it's clear enough.

So why is this wolf important? I believe this is another person, but one who is working alongside Kotoko directly. We unfortunately never really see who they might be, but I do think they exist, and they're not the serial killer with the white hoodie. Again, things in these MVs make more sense the longer you go on.

One interesting thing is that the close-up of the eye looks like a camera lens. Currently, the theory I'm going with is that Kotoko is working alongisde this "wolf", but they don't meet in person often; they mostly speak through video chats. Thus the wolf's eye, the one which can stare at Kotoko, is a camera. I have very little basis for this, mind you, but without Deep Cover, this is the best I can come up with for now.

Finally, the lyrics, which are repeated several times over the course of the MV.

How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” Is the damage to get in the way of someone’s dream. I’ll gouge you out with my fangs

I think the placement of the word 'harrow' is sort of confusing the lyrics a bit. I think "how heavy is the damage to get in the way of someone's dream" makes one full sentence, so the way I read this is

"It's so horrible (it's harrowing, it distresses me) the damage evil people cause, that gets in the way of people's dreams. I'll destroy the evil, gouge them out like a wolf's fang."

Does that make sense? I hope it does. It's not like the exact meaning is too important; the main thing to take away here is how much Kotoko hates people who get in the way of other people's lives.

Alright watch out this one's important. Kotoko's out on the street, and looks at a sign which speaks of an accident, asking the public to call the police if they have more information. Meanwhile, this lyric plays:

Stained emotions, what is winning or losing Feeding on food so I don’t burn out

The important thing to note here is how unsure Kotoko seems here; she sounds lost. She can't tell what she wants, "what is winning or losing", her emotions are "stained" because she's in despair. For one reason or another, she seems distraught.

The reason for the stained emotions is likely that accident sign we see. It appears repeatedly throughout the MV, as you're going to see. Why it's so important is up in the air, but for now, I'm going with the idea that the person who died in this accident was someone Kotoko knew personally.

Well, "accident." We'll get there.

The moment Kotoko stares at the sign, the lyric "feeding on food so I don't burn out" plays. Presumably, "feeding on food" refers to her vigilantism, the thing she does to feel alive, to keep the flame inside her burning. This isn't the only reason she does the things she does, but it is an important one. Kotoko is sad over this "accident", so she feels she has to do something about it so as to not break down entirely. In fact, it’s very possible it’s after this incident occurred that Kotoko dropped out of university.

(T1) Q7: What did you study at university?

KY: For a while, I studied at the faculty of law. There's something I want to do, so I'm currently taking a break from studies, though.

For the flower symbolism fans, I believe the flowers next to the road sign are white lilies, pink roses, and I think baby's breath (the tiny ones). They are all suitable funeral flowers.

White lilies in particular are apparently pretty popular funeral flowers in Japan, representing purity, elegance, virtue, that kind of thing. Pink roses are also used in funerals, representing love (though explicitly not romantic, I think), appreciation, gratitude, gentleness, etc. Finally, baby’s breath represents purity and innocence, and important to note, are usually used for the funerals of young children.

This is a surprise tool that will help us later-

Another thing to note is the name on Kotoko’s cap and jacket, Jacques Roulet. I’ve talked about it in this post, but if you don’t want to read the full story of Jacques Roulet, it’s about a man who claimed to be a werewolf, killed a child to eat him, and only stopped when two wolves scared him off. I couldn’t come to any definitive conclusions, but I think the best answer here is that Kotoko is one of the wolves who scared off Jacques, who in this case would be the serial killer Kotoko ends up killing. This would entail she had a partner in vigilantism, which is part of what gets me to believe that wolf buddy in the beginning is an actual person.

Finally, a fun fact about that stop sign to our left, that’s actually outdated lol. Stop signs in Japan used to be like that, but apparently from 2017 onwards they now display “stop” in Japanese and English, not just Japanese like in the MV. I doubt this means anything other than ‘the artist who drew this probably grew up with the old stop signs all their life and didn’t think much about it’, but it’s there. Oh, and if you want to really look at the symbolism, Kotoko could be said to be turning away from the stop sign, implying this is her “start.” Get it? Like the opposite of “stop.”

(And listen, I have to draw a line somewhere, I'm not talking about the trash bags and vending machine, etc)

(Girl do you want a chair)

Here we start to see how Kotoko spirals down, and begins to form more and more radical ideas in her search of justice. The articles she's reading are all speaking of different crimes, as these lyrics play.

Becoming light-headed again, it all becomes crazy The normalcy sought for, fading away, everytime death comes The soul moves forward

She's "becoming lightheaded" as she looks at these reports, sickened by the evil in the world. The status quo she's searching for, a world without evil, disappears as horrible people keep killing and hurting.

Yet, "the soul moves forward." Kotoko must find a way to keep going, must find a way to deal with the death and the evil. Both for the sake of "the normalcy sought for", and for the sake of her own feelings. And that is her vigilantism.

Let's go over what exactly she's seeing. I won't post full translations for most of these, you can go to this post by Maristelina which is nothing short of a God-send for that, but I'll give summaries. In order of appearance:

A man and a woman in their twenties stole a bag from another woman and drove off. They were caught on camera, so they were arrested and admitted to the police they sold what they stole to pay for food and drinks. They had a prior record of theft.

(Note: I've seen some theorize this could be Kotoko and someone else, and while it's an interesting possibility, I don't see much evidence for it, and the fact Kotoko is 20 in Milgram makes the timeline a bit wonky imo)

A man in his 30s deceived an 80 year old woman out of 500.000 yen by pretending to be a bank employee. Keep this one in mind.

A 46 year old man took over 200 upskirts photos of high school girls in public transport. One of his work colleagues claimed he'd been saying he was going to pick up his kids, and had no idea what he was actually doing. The man himself claims to have done it to escape the stress from work. Below the article, there are two comments... which Maristelina didn't translate, so I did my best but take the following two translations with a massive grain of salt because my ass does not know Japanese.

何やわんこいつ = What is this guy? 同僚のコメントおかしぃだろwwww = Your colleague's comment is funny hahahaha

Additionally, we later see two anonymous comments which follow the same style as these two, and thus I believe they're talking about this. These ones Maristelina did translate!

Anon on Top: It’s just stress, cut him some slack. Anon on bottom: People like this will just do it again.

(Note: That last one is one of the things which make me believe Kotoko was at least slightly influenced by the comments of other people online)

A man in Tokyo was arrested for stealing luxury bikes by figuring out their combination locks. The police will charge him with theft and other crimes soon.

A group of people have pulled off something called the "It's me" scam over 40 times (FNAF reference?). Basically they call someone, disguising their voice, claiming to be a family member or someone they know and asking for cash for an emergency. The article specifically talks about a 23 year old woman who lost a million yen to this scam.

Point is, there's a lot of crime going on.

Anyways, as the camera pans out, we see a tripod, which can be assumed to have a camera pointed at the investigation board. Since it's not a very good idea to record yourself planning to commit crimes and posting it online anywhere, my best guess for what Kotoko is doing with that is videochatting with someone specific? Maybe? That's why the wolf's eye sort of looks like a camera in the beginning? I'm trying, cut me some slack here. This is very possibly wrong, but I don't know what else to do with this tripod.

If you don't get what's going on here, basically these images flash on screen very quickly, in the order I put them in.

Let's start with the lyrics, which are easy:

I hate all the evils in this world I feel like I’m about to break The surrounding net covered with poison

Kotoko hates evil, she's this close to breaking down, she feels trapped in a net of poison. You get it.

The image flash is important, though. We see the "accident" I said was important before, alongside two things: a TV report I'll call the Street With Bushes Report (SWB report), and an article about white hoodie guy. The SWB report says:

Body Found near the Home of Another Female Victim. Possible Connection to Series of Murders of Girls The body was found near the home of another female victim, and the police are investigating a possible connection to a series of murders of girls committed by the same perpetrator.

And the article:

Shocking revelation: The heinous criminal behind the crime is the privileged son of a high-ranking official! Killed 10 people in just about 2 years. Victims are elementary school students. Hidden by a cover-up.

Presumably the SWB report is of one of this guy's murders. He killed 10 elementary school girls, dumped their bodies near their home, and it was hidden because his father was a high-ranking police officer. I imagine this is probably why Kotoko lost faith in the police and the judicional system as a whole.

However, you'll notice an interesting detail. We maybe actually get to see this victim, somewhat. That person with the white dress laying on their back on a wooden floor. The only other time we see them is at the very end, so I think it's possible they really are related to the SWB report.

But why are we getting so many details about this one murder? It's not connected to the "accident", since the street is different. Well, it's not something I can answer now, but take this idea that there's a second murder which Kotoko isn't necessarilly related to, but one she knows more in-depth than some of the other white hoodie murders.

I put a lot of images here because I gotta properly illustrate this. This scene, where we see a representation of Kotoko's mind, starts with her literally opening her eyes or "waking up", sort of similar to the wolf at the beginning. She's surrounded by wolves, looking around hesitantly. Like I said before, at the beginning of HARROW, Kotoko is still very unsure of herself, but here, surrounded by the wolves, she seems to finally find a purpose. That's why the scene ends with her focusing on the foggy path ahead and starting to run with the pack.

What I believe is happening here is that Kotoko believes she is beginning to understand just how much evil there is in the world, with the guidance of the wolves (again, possibly people online with radical views), and decides to follow them into the foggy path of vigilantism. Essentially, this is a representation of her radicalization. And it's scarily accurate, isn't it? Someone lost and vulnerable, who literally starts by being framed as the wolves' prey, thinks she finds an answer to her 'harrowing' situation. Even the imagery of "waking up" is pretty common for some of these types of communities.

This also vaguely mirrors the scene in Little Red Riding Hood where the titular character first meets the wolf, which presents itself as friendly while getting information of what the girl is doing. This imagery of Little Red Riding Hood will come up again, so.

One note is that the trees are dead, which not only shows how grim Kotoko's views on the world are, but can also see as symbols of death and rebirth. That's going to come into play later, though you could argue Kotoko's already been reborn by becoming radicalized. Additionally, the fog can represent a twisted or limited view on the world, cloudy thoughts, that sort of thing.

The lyrics aren't anything special, since they're the same as in the beginning.

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I’ll gouge you out with my fangs

Well that escalated quickly.

We actually see a lot of articles between when the chorus ends and when the verse begins, but they're mostly the same ones we've already seen (or Maristelina didn't translate them). However, that one I put in the collage is interesting. It talks about how a wanted thief named Mikio Oshii was beaten in the face, stomach and other areas by someone in a hood and using men's sneakers. Oshii was taken to the hospital, but there's no mention to whether or not he died.

And in the next scene, Kotoko scrolls through an article describing Mikio Oshii, which explains he had been the one to steal money from the elderly by pretending to be a bank employee.

Note that this guy has a face, possibly signifying importance. This is because this is the first big act of vigilantism Kotoko performs. Note she uses men's clothing because it throws off the police; the first article actually says the police narrowed down suspects only to men, so it clearly works.

However, Kotoko isn't looking to stop after one. She's still walking forward, the evils always lurking in the background. The lyrics as she beats up Oshii are:

I’ll teach you the pain you caused It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for?!

And when she's walking along:

Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion “I didn’t mean to offend”, “I won’t do it again” How many wins in a row?

It's evident something's changed in Kotoko. Before, she was asking herself "what is winning or losing?", now she seems to speak with authority on what a "tie" and a "win" are.

And what is a win in her eyes? Well, I believe it's when she "replaces the poor soul and miserable delusion." In other words, when she can get an evildoer to stop their acts of evil by "teaching them the pain they caused." That's why after they say "I won't do it again", Kotoko adds a win; how many in a row? Saying sorry isn't enough, of course, it's not even a tie; she needs to make sure they never engage in evil ever again.

So here's how I read this line:

Let's replace the evil monster with a respectable citizen. Saying sorry isn't enough, we need to teach them the pain they caused so they never do it again. And we hear them promise to stop over and over; how many times have we done this in a row?

Maybe there's other ways to interpret that, but we ball.

(This really makes me wonder what she would consider a "win" in Milgram, though. She doesn't even know what the people she attacks did, how would she know they would stop after getting beat up by her? Unless she straight up aimed to kill, which would stop them, but I believe she was probably going more for an incapacitation thing, otherwise I don't think Mahiru would have survived at all. Whatever, we'll presumably get an explanation in her second VD)

One question that comes up is what are the other "wins in a row"? However, we have genuinely no way to tell, so it's just an unknown for now.

Now, let's ask the big question of the scene. Did Oshii die in the hospital, or did Kotoko intentionally let him live? Well, I believe he survived. One, because there isn't much of a point to specify he was taken to the hospital if he did die. Two, because there is precedent of Kotoko being able to control her strength as to not kill her victim provided medical attention is adminestered (Mahiru), and if she didn't kill him in the moment, she presumably didn't want him dead. Three;

[TASK] (First VD) Kotoko: I did kill someone. [...] what I did is, "facing an urgent and illegal infringement, an action taken out of necessity to protect the rights of myself and others".

Even beyond the wording of someone implying only one victim (and she most likely did kill the guy at the end), Kotoko was not facing an urgent infringement when she found Oshii, since he seems like he was just minding his bussiness when she got there. So it wouldn't be justifiable defense as she claims her murder was. Yes, it's possible she's lying, but I genuinely think there is at least an argument her murder was justifiable defense, as she's usually paired up with Yuno, Fuuta, Mahiru and Kazui (long story), and the most straightforward connection there is "their 'sin' would not be considered murder in a court of law." The other four didn't outright kill a human with their own hands, and Kotoko's would be considered "justifiable defense." Get it?

Undercover prisoner card? What are you talking about? Let me cope and ignore that.

Anyways, for now we can't be sure whether Oshii died or not, but I think he didn't. There's really no way to confirm though.

Finally, the scene ends with Kotoko finding the warehouses we'll see the serial killer take a victim into later. And yes, warehouses, plural. Go back and check; there are two warehouses connected to each other. I believe the warehouse complex might even be referenced in the whiteboards of the investigation room.

I have zero way of checking the Japanese, but none of the other marked locations in her whiteboards match multiple buildings being circled as one complex, which seems to be what these warehouses are.

Why is this important? It probably isn't. But my insanely deranged murder theory sorta requires the possibility there are multiple warehouses connected together in the same complex, so I'm introducing it now so I don't have to convince you of too many things at the same time.

Speaking of not important things, there's a 40 km/h speed limit sign, and a 'no parking' sign. Nothing too wild there, though I guess you could try to read into some kind of symbolism that Kotoko needs to slow down, but she's not gonna stop. That's insane even for my standards, but it's there.

Before we deal with the images, the lyrics are:

Whose fault is it This is getting ridiculous What should the punishment be?

Considering the fact all the images here are connected to the serial killer dude, that's probably referring to him. "Whose fault is it" that he keeps getting away with it. "This is getting ridiculous" because come on, how have the police not caught him yet? "What should the punishment be?" because if the police isn't gonna do anything about it, then she will, and she gets to decide how he'll be punished.

So what are we seeing? Let's ignore the TV report for now, because what is probably the most important article in the MV shows up here; the article with the serial killer that shows up.

“Since he was young, he has been aware of his environment, and his parents are satisfied. His thoughts are unknown,” according to the voices around him. He lives in a tower apartment located in the city. It seems that the suspect’s name (A) was not revealed, and no investigation was conducted based on his bodily fluids. According to sources, there may have been concealment due to his father’s pressure. The victim may have been run over by a car or killed by hand. However, due to the fact that suspect A is his son, there is a lack of consistency in the handling of the case.

Did you spot it?

The victim may have been run over by a car or killed by hand

In case you missed it, the police should be able to easily tell whether someone was ran over by a car, or they were killed by hand. This should not be difficult, though I can't confirm with sources, I'm pretty sure just looking at the injuries should be enough. And yet, they're unsure. But as the article says, there could be some foul play going on, since the guy is the son of an official.

Do you get it? If there's doubt of what happened, that's because the victim wasn't ran over. The police are trying to cover up a murder by claiming it was simply an accident, that way the killer can get away with simply a slap on the wrist. Which is interesting, because we already know this guy killed ten children, why is this murder and cover up so important?

Well, we do know of another "accident", don't we? And if you remember what I said about baby's breath the flower, you'll remember it's possible the victim of said "accident" was a child, which fits the profile of this guy's victims.

Thus, I believe if we're bringing attention to this murder in particular, that's because it's connected to the "accident" Kotoko is so fixated on. I believe the serial killer murdered someone close to Kotoko, and the police covered it up as an accident. And this is what kickstarted Kotoko's path to vigilantism.

This brings up the interesting possibility that Kotoko may have killed him out of a personal grudge, rather than simply to protect someone else. Don't get me wrong, she definitely wanted to protect the weak, that's her thing, but she could have done that without killing him, in theory. She hurt him to protect others; she may have killed him for revenge. At least, that's what I think.

Her justice isn't as blind as she makes it out to be, is it? Unreliable narrators, gotta love 'em-

And speaking of, subconciously twisting a supposedly strict moral system to justify killing someone for personal grudges? That reminds me a lot of another prisoner, but I will not allow Amane Momose to consume this post.

Anyways, that aside, there is actually another murder referenced in this scene. The one referenced in the TV, what I'll call the Highway report (not entirely sure it's a highway actually, but that's what it looks like to me).

New evidence in the case of the abandoned and murdered girl’s body? Report: Police (this afternoon) The same tire marks found at the scene where the victim’s body was discovered were found near the scene of the crime. The perpetrator likely abducted the victim in a car, killed her, and then abandoned her body in the vicinity of her home.

Note that the police are sure this one's a murder, presumably because there's no way to connect the white hoodie guy to it, so there's no need to cover that up. Because of that, and because again the street shown doesn't match either the "accident" street or the SWB report, this is a third murder Kotoko is oddly fixated on. Although we don't see the victim for this one. However, the whiteboard shown here doesn't actually match the whiteboards on Kotoko's room.

It's possible, then, that each of these whiteboards represent a different murder. And once again, we have the theme of three murders Kotoko has more knowledge of than the rest. Presumably, these are the murders Kotoko investigated deeply to figure out where the killer was taking his victims. Keep this idea of 'three important murders' in mind, with what Kotoko knows about them.

>She may have known the victim of the "accident" personally.

>She remembers seeing the victim of the SWB murder, the one with the white dress.

>She doesn't seem to know what the victim of the Highway murder looked like.

Anyways, the scene ends with Kotoko running forward, as we cut to another forest scene.

This one doesn't have much new stuff in terms of imagery, though there's three things worth noting. First, by now Kotoko is firmly running in front of the pack, so she's firmly one of them, unlike in the first chorus, where she was still figuring stuff out. Two, the waning moon is still there. Three, Kotoko's clothes haven't changed despite how much she's changed, which I talked about in the clothes' post and I believe represents how Kotoko doesn't realize how much her views are shifting as she hangs out with the "pack of wolves."

Timelines - 20/6/18 Kotoko: Treat you [Amane] like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today.

However, the lyrics are quite interesting.

Want to find “HARROW” “HARROW” I feel like I’m going crazy after straining my nerves The person that can’t be saved, is now understanding the abnormality How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I want gouge you out with my fangs

I've already talked about the second part, but the first one is new. At first it doesn't seem like anything special; we already knew Kotoko was "going crazy after straining her nerves", again becoming sickened by the evil in the world.

But then there's "the person that can't be saved, is now understanding the abnormality." Which seems to mirror the earlier line:

The normalcy sought for, fading away, every time death comes.

As stated before, Kotoko sees a "normal" world as one without evil. But as she saw more and more crime happening around her, she "begun to understand the abnormality", she begun to understand how much evil there was in the world.

But the person who begins to understand the abnormality "can't be saved." Which seems to imply Kotoko considers herself impossible to save. She's far too sickened by the world to feel anything but awful, she feels nothing will ever make her feel good with her life.

Friendly reminder that Anti-Beat, her Trial 1 cover song, is extremely depressing. CW suicidal ideations

[Anti-Beat] Anti Beat I just want to die already, So I can finally be at ease Anti Beat But all I know is pain And there’s nowhere to run Anti Beat

CW over

So yeah, she's extremely sad, and doesn't think anything will make her feel good. That's why she clings so hard to vigilantism; as we'll soon see, it's the only way she's found she can feel good about her life. Yeah, it's sad.

As the bridge plays, we get to see the last few investigative actions Kotoko performs. She shows some dude possibly named "Kaneshiro Ken'otoko" something on her phone, then pays him 10k yen (around $100) for him to... do something. He works for "Shoko Newspaper Corporation" (Shoko is just a woman's name), and is an external director. Well, that's not a real term, but it's probably meant to mean outside director? A member of a company's board of directors who is not an employee or stakeholder in the company. I don't know how important that is, though. Point is, it seems he's pretty high up in a newspaper company, and thus likely has some kind of information Kotoko finds useful. Presumably that's how she found the warehouse complex in the first place.

And then, Kotoko sees the killer take a child with orange overalls into one of the warehouses. I'm going to ask you to pay attention to three things (at this point I'm starting to feel like a Playmaker from Yugioh kinnie). First, the guy has put up a sign to seemingly close down the entire complex, either implying it's completely abandoned or he owns the entire place. This implies he can be relatively confident no one will enter the complex until he's done with his victim. Second, the walls have verticals lines on the walls and vertical bars on the windows. Third, Kotoko is wearing her blue and yellow jacket + cap, and the girl's hands are unbound.

We'll get to why these things are important (to me and no one else) later.

And this is a really weird thing to put here. Although we just saw Kotoko witnessing a crime, we see her slowing down, getting tired and discouraged. It's almost like she's going back to doubting herself, see the lyrics:

Newly born “HARROW” “HARROW” It’s ok to dislike, right? Losing it, losing it. What should I hope for?

She's 'newly born' since she recently underwent some pretty big changes, but she's still distressed. She's doubting whether or not she's allowed to hate evil/the hoodie guy as much as she does, and questions what she even wants to do, what outcome she hopes for.

But the doubt doesn't last long. One of the wolves, possibly the one from the beginning she's particularly close to, smiles at her as this line plays:

Goodnight “HARROW” “HARROW” Laugh and I can get to like myself

Goodnight, because something's about to end, there's a big change looming. She will now "laugh" to "get to like herself." As stated, Kotoko feels deeply dissatisfied with her life, and her vigilantism is the only thing she has which makes her feel good about herself. Kotoko literally laughs after she says that, because her vigilantism is about to reach a climax. She will now kill the man who caused so much suffering, to others, and to her, by killing the victim of the "accident."

So what was up with that hesitation at the beginning? Well, uh. I'll get there in the murder theory. Let's go to the final scene.

Lyrics first since it's the easier part, as most of them are repeated.

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I just can’t let it go How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I want gouge you out with my fangs

The only notable thing is the addition at the very end.

I want to be drowning in the knowledge that I am right

Basically what we've heard before. As Kotoko is very unhappy with herself usually, she finds worth in herself by protecting the weak, which requires "the knowledge she's right" to do the things she does. She wants to feel sure of herself, which as stated is one of the reasons she engages in vigilantism.

As for the visual symbolism, I talked in the clothes post about how Kotoko undergoes a pretty big change here. She's reborn. Remember how the forest scenes always had a waning moon? Well, this one has a full moon, representing the end of a cycle, rebirth. The same sybolism is found by the fact dawn breaks there, again showing rebirth. This also connects to Red Riding Hood symbolism, etc.

This idea of rebirth is even further implied by the fact we see a wolf with her neon pink smile take its place in the investigation room. Kotoko, with the full moon like a werewolf, has become just like the rest of the wolves. She's changed for good.

One other note, you see that one shot where we see the killer's smiling shadow? Doesn't it look like his mouth casts a shadow like a wolf's snout?

If you squint, yeah, I think so. This, and the fact he kills children, is what makes me think he's "Jacques Roulet" getting chased off by the two wolves (Kotoko and wolf buddy) in that metaphor. Not entirely confident I know what the deal with this is, but you know.

Okay so the symbolism is all good, but now we have to get to the really weird part of all of this. Which is, what the fuck is actually happening in her murder? Let's get to the most speculative part of this post, the one which will most likely be outdated by the time Deep Cover releases lol.

(Unhinged) Murder Theory

First Problem: The Time Gap

So it's pretty well known that Kotoko's clothes mysteriously change between when she sees the kidnapping outside, and when she actually goes attack the dude. She sees the kidnapping happen with her blue and yellow jacket, but she kills the dude with her red hoodie. This isn't even the only indication that some time has passed. We can also see the girl's hands are bound and her shoes are off on the floor, so there were at least a few minutes the killer had to do that. Additionally, the lighting slightly changes between Kotoko seeing the event and the murder ending.

Okay the change is actually subtle enough I could believe it just took her a few minutes to finish off the guy, but it is there.

So I believe some time passed. Clearly not much, since the lighting shift isn't too radical, but there's at least a few minutes between when Kotoko sees the kidnapping and when she rushes in.

And I believe we can get a vague idea of what happened, by looking at the scene in between these two things. Which you'll remember, is the scene in the forest where Kotoko slows down and hesitates, before being encouraged by the wolf again. Essentially, after seeing the guy commit a crime right in front of her, Kotoko briefly hesitated, and maybe rushed back to her investigation room or somewhere else. Perhaps she considered just calling the police, perhaps she was paralyzed by the trauma of the "accident", whatever the case, Kotoko couldn't get herself to immediately rush in. However, maybe she called her partner in vigilantism, that wolf she seems particularly close to, and they encouraged her to go in and do her thing.

Is this a good answer? Fuck no, but it's undeniable some time passed, so until we get Deep Cover, this is the best explanation I can come up with as to why that happened. The point is, there's a time gap between the kidnapping and the attack. Keep that in mind.

Second Issue: Different Warehouse

The warehouse Kotoko kills the guy in has bricks which form both vertical and horizontal lines on the walls, and the window has a horizontal and diagonal bars instead of just vertical. It's a different warehouse. Thankfully, though, this is pretty easily solved by what I mentioned before; the killer didn't block off access to just one warehouse, but to the entire complex.

Thus, it's perfectly possible he just took the kid through one warehouse and into another one. This is simply more indication that there really was a time gap between the kidnapping and Kotoko's attack.

However, there's a huge problem. Not only is the girl nowhere to be seen in the last shot, this isn't the room the kid was in. That one's a lot smaller.

Biggest Issue: The Nonsensicality of the Attack

The first thing I want to address; I don't think Kotoko ever worked with this killer. It goes against pretty much her entire character, and as mentioned, I'm pretty sure she has a personal grudge agaisnt him. There is reason to believe otherwise, you can find other posts around talking about it, and you can actually see two hammers on the floor in that scene, which I don't have a great answer for. However, it just doesn't seem like it makes much sense. And yet, there's so many weird things about Kotoko's initial attack in this wooden floor room.

>As mentioned, the room of this scene isn't where the guy actually died.

>The guy is standing on one of the hammers, seemingly not doing anything.

>He doesn't react to Kotoko entering at all beyond simply turning his head a bit, which doesn't seem appropriate even if he was working with her.

>The girl also doesn't react to Kotoko slamming the door open.

>The toolbox appears to be empty, though this isn't too big of an issue.

>Kotoko reaches for him with her right hand, but later we see her grabbing his hoodie with her left hand.

You could argue she turned him around with her right, then grabbed him, but that doesn't make much sense. Why not tackle him to the floor while his back is turned?

Well, to answer what's going on here, I think we need to look at the other scenes where this room appears, and notice they also don't make sense.

How does Kotoko remember these events? As I said, it doesn't make sense for her to have been working with the killer, but that's not all. The last one in particular is extremely impossible. Kotoko is nowhere to be seen in the room (unless she's the girl there, but I don't think so), and there's nowhere she could be where she doesn't cast a shadow or show up on the shot.

Well... I have an answer, but it's sort of insane. Kotoko shouldn't remember these events, so she doesn't.

Unhinged Hypothesis #1: These Scenes Are All Kotoko's Imagination

Alright hear me out. I think Kotoko saw this room at one point, but only when she went to rescue the orange overall girl. The rest of the scenes are her filling in the blanks with what she knows. When she saved the orange overall girl, she saw what the room looked like, the toolbox and weapons the killer was using to torture the girls with, and just imagined the rest.

And why do I say this? Well, apart from the aforementioned nonsensicality of the situation, remember those three murders I mentioned earlier? The ones Kotoko knows the most about?

>She may have known the victim of the "accident" personally. >She remembers seeing the victim of the SWB murder, the one with the white dress. >She doesn't seem to know what the victim of the Highway murder looked like.

Does this ring a bell? Because it matches the scenes of the room with the wooden floor, aside from the occassion with the orange overall girl obviously. We have:

>One shot of the killer attacking a victim out of frame, a victim Kotoko knows exists, but one she can't visualize. This would be the Highway victim, the one Kotoko never saw.

>The girl (because the report specifies it's a woman and it may be connected to the murder of other girls) with the white dress, as stated is likely the victim of the SWB murder. It's possible Kotoko got a glimpse of her corpse being carried away, which is why she only remembers a portion of her body covered by a white dress.

>And finally, the last shot of these we get, book-ending the image flash which starts with an image of the "accident" sign, is of a girl which Kotoko remembers in full. And it's a girl who looks like she could be elementary school age if you look at her at the right angle, so she likely is one of the dead girls. And it's a girl who looks suspiciously similar to Kotoko, perhaps a younger sister, a cousin? This is the victim of the "accident", I believe.

With this, it's possible Kotoko is simply imagining these things based on what she knows after seeing the murder room when she went to rescue the orange overall girl.

Am I confident in this claim? Not really, I'm decently sure it will be deconfrimed in Deep Cover, but for now I'm running with it so I can have something.

But why is this important? Well, apart from explaining how these scenes would be in the MV without having to assume Kotoko worked with the murderer, it also throws into question anything we see in these scenes. If you've been paying attention, you'll have realized Kotoko is not a particularly reliable narrator; see the "justice is blind" thing from the beginning, the non-changing clothes in the mind space, etc. And now, we're wondering if maybe, just maybe, that scene where she enters the wooden floor room and attacks the killer didn't play out how she's presenting it to us.

Unhinged Hypothesis #2: When Kotoko Found the Girl, the Killer Wasn't in the Room

Let me draw your attention to the distorted quote in her Trial 2 Voice Reveal.

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

Going by the pattern these things follow, this should be something Kotoko says before her murder. But, who is she saying it to? Looking at the context, it really seems like she's talking to an 'useless weakling' who is pushing against Kotoko's decisions. But, with the information we have so far, the only 'useless weakling' Kotoko could be talking to... is the orange overall girl. None of the other characters shown in HARROW really fit that description.

But how the hell would that happen? By the time Kotoko gets close enough to talk to her, she's suppossedly already attacking the serial killer. And yet, if you hear the quote, she doesn't sound winded or anything during the quote, she doesn't sound like she's fighting the dude. This implies there may have been some time before the murder when Kotoko could talk to the girl, but the killer wasn't there.

So we go back to what we have. The killer has no reason to think anyone will enter the warehouse complex, so he could perfectly leave for a moment to do something. By the time the killer is dead, the girl is nowehere to be seen, it's possible she's been untied and has ran away. And Kotoko's views of the events in the wooden floor room are not to be trusted. She sees herself as saving the girl from an immediate threat of danger, but that may not have been the case.

Heavy Speculation Incoming

My vision here is that Kotoko, after changing and coming back, found the girl in the wooden floor room alongside the toolbox and stuff, and untied her. After getting a bit of an explanation, she hears the murderer will probably come back soon, and decides to wait for him, so she can enact justice. Remember, this is personal; she doesn't just want to save this girl, she wants the guy dead.

Upon hearing this, the girl tries to convince her not to do that. It would be better to call the police and let them deal with it, right? But Kotoko obviously doesn't expect that to work, so she tells her she needs to kill the guy herself. The girl tries to talk her out of it, saying she doesn't understand, and that's where we get the Voice Reveal line. Kotoko never asked for her understanding; her actions are bringing Earth closer to justice, so 'useless weaklings' like the girl should shut up and listen to her.

At this point, you'll notice I'm practically just writing fanfiction. I have very little evidence for most of this, it's more just me trying to come up with some kind of explanation for all the seemingly contradicting evidence we have.

Though there is one more thing Kotoko being in the final warehouse before the killer would... somewhat kinda explain if you squint; the cap on the floor.

Listen. There is, like, no good explanation for why the fuck that's there. People don't just leave caps on the floor, no matter what they're doing. However, ignoring for a moment the why it's on the floor, let's look at the how. If the killer was already in the warehouse when Kotoko went in, there's no real way the cap would end up there. Kotoko has her hood up during the entire attack until the guy's already dead, so it couldn't have fallen off if she was wearing the cap under the hood for some reason. If she came in with it in her hand, for some reason, she would have to drop it before attacking him (see: grabbing him with her left hand then hitting him with her right), but she would drop it before reaching him; the cap wouldn't end up so close to them. Putting it in her pocket would be insane, and also wouldn't exactly explain how it would fall off and land upright either.

Thus, the only way I can think of to explain how it ended up there, is if it was already on the floor, then the killer went to inspect it or something, and that's when Kotoko attacked him. Again, no idea why Kotoko would just leave the cap there, but it's what I think makes the most sense, physically speaking.

Thus, Kotoko was in that warehouse before the killer, or like I'm claiming, the killer went away, Kotoko went in, waited for him, he returned, got distracted by the cap and went to investigate, got attacked by Kotoko.

Closing Argument

+Kotoko sees the man taking the orange overall girl into the warehouse complex, with him having put up a sign to close off the complex to the public.

+For some reason, she becomes discouraged and goes away for a moment, doubting what she should do. She's encouraged by her wolf buddy to go kill the dude, she changes into her murder fit, and goes back just a few minutes later. Meanwhile, the killer takes the girl to a small room in another warehouse connected to the first one, binds her hands and takes her shoes off... for some reason.

+The killer leaves for a moment for God knows what reason, Kotoko comes back and finds the girl, unties her. Thanks to what she sees in that room, she forms a mental image of what the other murders looked like.

+Kotoko decides to wait for the killer to come back, leaving her Jacques Roulet cap on the floor... as bait or something I don't know. The girl tries to convince her not to do that, but Kotoko refuses to listen. Cue T2 Voice Reveal line.

+The killer comes back, sees the cap on the floor, and gets closer to investigate. Since he's distracted, Kotoko takes the chance to run up to him. He turns around right before she reaches him, and before he can react, Kotoko grabs his hoodie with her left hand, and punches him with her right. He falls to the floor, and Kotoko starts beating him to death as the girl runs away. However, since he arrived while the girl was still in the scene, Kotoko can claim it was justifiable defense of either the girl or herself.

... Yeah this is completely fucking insane. This is most likely wrong, so don't be surprised when Deep Cover comes out and deconfirms it. However, I do think some of what I said has a chance of being accurate, so I'm putting it out there so I can pretend to be smart and stuff if it turns out some of this is right.

(Can you believe that's not even the most insane murder theory I've ever done? Like, at least I didn't bring in an accomplice and several pulley systems, or made a wire circuit extending throughout the entirety of a room, both things I've done for another fandom. Yeah, my brainrot runs deep)

Conclusion

Well that last part was a bit of a mess. I hope you can forgive my insanity, and that you still took something out of the rest of the analysis if not the murder theory. I'm really excited to see what Deep Cover has in store for us, Kotoko is a very interesting character. Anyways, if you made it this far, then I think you deserve your own wolf buddy! Though be careful, and don't listen to it when it tells you to kill. Take care!

#milgram #milgram project #milgram theory #kotoko yuzuhira #harrow mv #milgram analysis

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restless-witch · 5 months

Text

nothing in the world is mine, but my love, mine

hey hey I did a one-shot for once, I've posted it on Ao3 here but I know some of y'all like to read fic on tumblr so it's below the cut

Comments and likes always appreciated <3

He clocks the bard as either noble or a romantic the moment he sees the gloves on his hands. They're subtle, as far as the custom goes, a dark olive colored kidskin with a simple flower button wrapped around his wrist and covering only his thumb. The Witcher always wears gloves of a kind, Jaskier determines after a few weeks on the path together, though out of utility. a quick soulmates AU where soulmates have matching marks on the sides of their hands // title shamelessly stolen from Mitski's "My Love Mine All Mine"

Rated: T for swearing

Fandom: The WItcher TV

Pairing: Geraskier (Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier), background Yennralt (Yennefer of Vengerber/Geralt of Rivia)

Language: English

It's not satisfying when the bards confirms both to be true on their way to investigate the devil but when they're being kicked by Toruviel, he thinks that if the bard was a full gloved wearing hack then they'd both be dead.

Which also isn't satisfying.

The Witcher always wears gloves of a kind, Jaskier determines after a few weeks on the Path together, though out of utility.

Apparently the most dressed down the witcher ever gets is a pair of fingerless gloves worn even to sleep. Something about improving his grip and tendon injuries- Geralt tenses up when he can sense Jaskier wants to ask if witchers even have marks. Jaskier can feel how fragile their friendship is. He doesn't press the issue.

He hopes that puts a mark in his favor.

By the end of the season, Geralt determines the bard has no less than seven pairs of gloves- yet only two of them are permitted to actually get dirtied. Two suede pairs to match the colors of his "lover's eyes" (unoriginally brown and blue), three pairs for wearing in town, and a scant two pairs for all his bathing, cooking, and laundry.

It's utterly ridiculous.

Before they part at Ban Glan for the winter, he tells the bard to get more sensible gloves before spring on the Path.

He's at Ard Carraig before he realizes he planned for the bard to join him again.

When he returns to Oxenfurt, the two pairs of gloves he has for washing are nearly worn to shreds- he throws them down on the table at the Wishful Warbler with a grin when Shani asks about his travels. He's going on real adventures with his-maybe-friend-Geralt and getting dirty and everything. He spends the winter as a research assistant to Professor Berlyn and learning to make stacks of washing gloves.

His friends, who largely only own a pair or two or have entirely dispensed with the custom, are overrun with gloves of varying quality. Priscilla generously accepts a stack whose thumbs must all be split open to accommodate even her dainty digit.

He manages to barter for a pair of amber saffron dyed kidskin gloves- painstakingly transcribing Metz's treatises on celestial calendars small enough for Valdo Marx to use them as crib notes.

It's worth it.

It's a true lark to set them along with his brown and blue gloves and he whistles when they meet up in the spring and he waggles them in Geralt's face and thinks Geralt is about to strangle him- before the ludacris stack of washing gloves topples out of his bag onto the witcher's lap and he can't help but bark a laugh into Jaskier's delighted face.

He knows the bard is, at least, serious about walking the Path when he drops the stack of gloves on Geralt's lap. It's a bit of a child's attempt at adulthood, he admits to himself because he knows it would crush the bard to know twenty years of life does not make a man.

Still, it dampens his concerns of noble nonsense a bit to see where the calluses from needlework have made his fingertips even more knobby alongside the ones from his lute. For all the work Jaskier puts into his hands- carefully filing down his calluses and nails when they crack and rubbing ointments in before he beds down- Geralt can see it's a dedication to practicality and not vanity.

The bard is unconcerned by the healing scars where broken strings have cut into the flesh or the uneven tan marks across the backs of his hands where the different gloves have sat.

Jaskier wonders, just a teensy bit, if Geralt's glove wearing excuse isn't a little... weak.

Always needing his full grip strength?

It's a lighthearted solstice evening where he's helping Geralt in the bath when the witcher turns his head to the side, immediately stands up and storms over to the next room (nearly cock out and everything if Jaskier hadn't thought to throw the bath sheet at him) and throws an unwanted suitor off the serving girl.

There's suds dripping out of Geralt's hair all over the floor that he knows he'll wipe up later with the very gloves he's wearing now and Jaskier thinks he is maybe falling in love, for real this time.

A handful of times, he catches the bard cooing over marks in taverns. He wonders if it's a bit- some flirtation over how a lass or lad with such lovely signs could possibly take up with a scoundrel like him.

It's not the most rakish bit he could suspect of the bard- though he notices the bard never takes off his gloves in return. He wears them even in the cities and hamlets where the custom is less common or replaced with simple patches of dyed skin.

It makes him seem damn right virginal to keep them on all the time.

Perhaps the bard's mark is something obscene- it's not unheard of. If that were true though, he suspects the bard would leverage it into some pickup line about his prowess in bed.

Perhaps the bard has no marks- a person blessedly free of obligation or destiny.

He thinks it would be a kinder fate for Jaskier to be free of those kinds of concerns.

Jaskier knows his fastidiousness with wearing gloves is a little unusual for the current fashion but he commits to the bit.

He thinks it's more romantic to have them revealed and thinks his are especially gorgeous; a simple sun on his right hand and a moon on his left, a small comet arcing over each and a few lines he thinks are wind or perhaps clouds. He's seen more ornate or filigreed marks- even the occasional mark with a splash of color- but his marks are so curiously endearing.

When he links his bare hands together he sees a miniature of the universe and hopes that one day, he may hold his soulmate's marks against his own and feel the world between their hands.

He'll admit he's kept the privilege of the reveal to himself; but he'll be a little selfish if it means he can know to watch their delight when he reveals a world in his hands- a world to share.

He's not sure where his soulmate will fit in this life he's made in Oxenfurt and on the Path, but he never could have predicted the love that's already sprung up in his life already.

It's a very late night, or a very very early morning, when Geralt asks Yennefer about her marks- the marks erased when she became a mage.

"Never had one," she says, teasingly tracing the edge of his gloves, "I never needed fate to find love."

In the dark, between a sigh and a moan, his gloves are cast away.

When the sun has properly risen and midday creeps closer, she holds hands between her own.

"Rather provincial, aren't they?" She brings the tender pale flesh of his palm to her mouth and bites playfully, "I'd expect nothing less of a Rivian."

"Not quite a Rivian," he says and gently wriggles his fingers against her jaw, smiling as she can't help laugh and let the marks out of her teeth, "are they to your liking?"

Her answer comes as a carafe of apple juice.

It's a hard day: starting with Geralt stumbling through a portal smelling of lilac and gooseberries and ending with Jaskier dragging a nearly-drowned Geralt out of a waterhag's shack.

Two baths were called- a rare luxury in a rickety town- for Jaskier knew a shared bath would end up with at least one of them more disgusting at the end. Geralt is, Melitele be praised, uninjured besides a black eye that blooms stark against the lingering potion-pale pallor he'd had earlier.

The two strip and Jaskier climbs into his bath: Geralt casts a look at the door and cocks his head and throws his pus-soaked gloves straight into the chamberpot.

They soak, side by side, and chatter tiredly and Jaskier thinks nothing of it when Geralt offers to perk up his water and he sees the moon and comet and dappled lines on Geralt's right hand as he casts Igni into the bath.

The smell of lilac and gooseberries and fucking are starting to sweat out of Geralt's hair and the memories of the wedding feast cut through him, unbidden, and Jaskier should have won another master's degree in performance for the way he blames the jump in his heart on the scalding water.

The curling misery he later blames on the thought of ridding the swamp stench from his boots.

Jaskier learns to knit gloves sometime around when Geralt forces himself to admit the bard is past boyhood. It's a rather domestic skill for Jaskier to learn in adulthood, though he claims they're easier to make and repair on the Path: which isn't a lie exactly and the bard does earn them a few coins fiddling with the needles in town and selling the gloves.

The knitted gloves seem to be his preference now- less prone to tearing as they wear and able to go longer without laundering. It's the threads of anxiety beneath it that give Geralt pause, he's been presuming Jaskier was unmarked entirely and wore the gloves for attention, but the longer he guards the little span of flesh the more Geralt thinks a tragedy must lie beneath the scraps of fabric.

Perhaps the person he shared his marks with had rejected him- though Geralt thought that unlikely given how firmly Jaskier had attached himself to Geralt's side despite him trying to outrun the bard for a year. Whoever shared his marks didn't stand a chance against Jaskier's persistence. Against his smile.

Perhaps the person he shared his marks with was already dead. Geralt didn't believe in the machinations of destiny or soulmarks, but that too twisted at him. Jaskier was a scoundrel, yes, but didn't deserve that so early in life. At the very least, it would explain why the bard wasn't concerned to muck with his fate by sharing his time with a witcher.

At the very least, he counts their time together as a blessing now, even if it's stolen from another.

Jaskier thinks it's finally time to come clean about his marks- their marks really. Not all marks are about just two people, he knows that, and Yennefer isn't the worst person to share a life with.

Honestly, he already does- Geralt's adverse to destiny but Yennefer would be sensible working out some kind of custody schedule if they didn't want to invite him in. He shares his life with Geralt, which is more than many soulmates get. He's not even sure he wants more of their lives shared, but the longer he keeps the marks hidden- the more the omission feels like a lie.

The more he knows he's lying to Geralt.

He figures it's an even shot Geralt that he'll never see him again or he'll be invited to winter at the Kaer.

It turns out he didn't even need the marks to drive Geralt away, being himself was enough.

"See you around Geralt."

A week after the dust settles and the Deathless Mother has been banished from their plane, Geralt notices Jaskier's gloves stretch from wrist to fingertip and when Jaskier is pulled into what is rapidly becoming Yennefer's lab, he can hear a sympathetic pained groan from Yennefer as Jaskier's fingers are rebroken.

Geralt knocked against the open door of Jaskier's room: Jaskier kicked another log into the fire-

Geralt should have thought of that.

"Come in," Jaskier said and settled back into the chair before his diary. Geralt saw a page with very few words and many drops of ink smeared across it.

Geralt took the poker and rearranged the wood of the fire to burn more evenly, "Yenn says you haven't been caring for your burns," he coaxed the fire into a more even burn and pressed it further back into the hearth.

There was a long silence, "I can't open the jar," Jaskier admitted.

"You know anyone here would help you, Jask-" he dragged a hand through his hair, had he really fucked it up that badly?

Jaskier's silence said what it needed to.

"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear, Jaskier," he said and saw Jaskier's gaze drop lower, to the page in front of him, "may I help you now?"

"I would like it if you opened the jar," Jaskier said, "I don't want to trouble you any further. And thank you for the fire-"

"It's not trouble, I should-" Geralt huffed a sigh, "I should have thought of it sooner. Thought of you sooner- please, let me help you."

Geralt could have heard a pin drop on the opposite side of Kaer Morhen as he waited for Jaskier to say something- anything.

He opened the jar of ointment and held on to it, even when Jaskier put a trembling hand out to grasp it, waiting for Jaskier to permit him to tend to the burns. Jaskier gave him a worn look.

Jaskier carefully took his gloves off- his fingers still wracked with the persistent tremors that made the single button at the wrists take an achingly long time to unfasten.

"The draughts help," Jaskier said softly, "but they will take time to subside."

They do not speak of the lute calluses that have started to thin and peel off entirely.

The gloves came off Jaskier's hand- revealing two palms and thumbs soiled by burns. There, amongst the gnarled scars, laid the burst remains of a sun and a moon.

Metz's treatise on the formation of the celestial spheres says the bursting of a sun creates a black hole: swallowing whole planets into its gravitational pull.

Geralt thought, perhaps, he should have considered his own marks when he wondered of Jaskier's for how often their hands touched.

"Don't-" Jaskier started, he took a deep breath and looked at the marks and not at Geralt, "please just the ointment, Geralt," he held out a hand again to take the pot from Geralt.

Geralt took the little pot of ointment, preciously carried in his saddlebags from Cidaris to Gulet to Kaer Morhen, and tugged off his own gloves as well. He carefully scooped out some of the ointment, the smell of dusk campion faint and familiar, and he warmed it between his palms.

He gently dragged his palms over Jaskier's before nimbly working the oil and medicine into his skin, taking care to rub into the creases between his fingers and the bumps of his remaining cuticles.

Yennefer says the draughts will help the nerves return and the ointment will smooth the burns.

Geralt was careful to be methodical and detached as he covered the marks with beeswax and the scent of campion. He cannot help but imagine the pain that forced Jaskier's sun and moon to bubble and split so wide; the layered burns that distort the comets into slashes of lightning.

He cannot help but wonder why Jaskier didn't leave him to rot.

He cannot help but wonder why soul marks are counted as a blessing when his sun and moon remain clear and smooth while Jaskier's have ruptured into glowing black holes. He must not be an expert, there must be a gap in his knowledge, for he'd once counted Jaskier's dismissal as a blessing.

"Easy there, Geralt," Jaskier said kindly, "there's no reason for all that."

Of course Jaskier could interpret the bite of Geralt's lip and the furrowing of his brow.

Geralt held Jaskier's hands between his own, their suns and moons nearly meeting where the burns didn't warp them, "I'd given up on seeing this," Jaskier said fondly, "our own little world in our hands." He traced Geralt's comet down to the bowl of the moon, "Thank you Geralt, you did a very good job."

"I'm sorry," Geralt managed, "I didn't know."

"I didn't really want you to, would you have received it well?" Jaskier said pointedly, then his voice softened, "it was bad enough I wormed my way beside you- this- Geralt,” he gently squeezed their hands, “This is more than I dreamed of.”

"You should want more," Geralt said, "You should ask for more. I'm sorry-"

"I've said the same of you," Jaskier laughed softly, a rare sound of late, "I've said the same of you many times. Perhaps we can work on this together."

#actual fic nothing in the world is mine but my love mine #geraskier #geralt/jaskier #the witch writes

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thelampisaflashlight · 1 year

Text

Beast

[Quincy stays late on a stormy night. What could possibly go wrong? Probably the shortest installment of this series.] Below the cut.

Maybe it's the thrill of learning something new, of being able to say, "I did that" and feel like it's actually something he should be proud of, and not just part of his preservation work.

Or maybe it's just because he doesn't want to go home yet.

He hasn't checked his phone since early afternoon, and he has no intention of taking it off of silent.

Especially not today.

Not when he knows people are waiting for him.

Probably wearing holes in the floor the longer he remains out of reach.

He'll blame it on being busy.

On the storm.

Whatever excuse they'll take.

Shifting on to get more comfortable, Quincy leans back into the plush throw pillows behind his back.

He's long since abandoned his desk in favor of sitting beside the large bay window on the second floor of the library, the book he'd found on his first day resting in his hand, illuminated by the warm overhead lighting and the ominous, silvery shine of the full moon outside as he breaks down each word.

Until he has full walls of text.

Scribbled down hastily in almost the same shaking scrawl as they were written.

He feels a shiver of anticipation, of finally knowing, but...

The words don't rhyme in English the way they do in the strange script in which they were committed to paper, but the flow and form of them suggests they're meant to be a poem of some kind, maybe a song.

And while Quincy is glad to finally be making headway on the book...

His stomach has begun to churn with worry.

With a fear he cannot shake.

Distantly, he can hear the faintest... whispering in the back of his mind.

And voice entreating him sweetly, asking him something he can't quite make out.

He goes to tuck a loose lock of hair behind his ear, accidentally dropping the pen in his hand onto the floor, losing it somewhere in the shaggy throw rug at his feet.

A crack of thunder and a flash of light causes Quincy to jump, dropping the journal he was transcribing into onto the floor and descending the library into darkness, save for the moonlight cascading through the window...

...Illuminating the final lines of the "poem"...

"Would You Like To See?"

Quincy inhales sharply, briefly choking on his own spit, spluttering and coughing as he stands slowly in the dark.

Stooping to pick up the book, Quincy yelps as another rumble shakes the window.

Yeah, forget the idea of going home, at least not until the storm has passed, but that could take up to an hour, and Quincy is already here later than he initially intended to be.

Later than he should have stayed.

He's sure it's fine, he was working after all, or rather he was until the book seemingly... called to him.

"Would You Like To See?"

Quincy coughs again, clearing his throat, and reaches for his phone where he's stashed it in the band of his cassock.

There's no service, and the wi-fi is down, but he can still use the flashlight on his phone to guide his way down the stairs.

Carefully, Quincy does just that.

Each creak and crackle of the winding staircase seems so much louder in the dark, and the corners of the room seem to have dissolved into naught but shadows, untouched by the moonlight.

A small part of Quincy thinks to shift his light to gaze into them, as if sensing someone...

But he keeps to his path.

He slips briefly behind the front desk, gathering his belongings, before a distant 'pop' sends him through the doors and out into the main hallway.

He doesn't run, but his fleeing steps clap out a consistent 'click-clack, click-clack' as his dress shoes tap across the marble.

As he reaches the front hall, another crash of thunder lights up the room, making him aware how close he came to walking right into...

The statue of Baphomet.

Quincy shudders as the moonlight makes the eyes glare down at him, a trick he is familiar with in the daylight, but it's not its gaze that sends him to the floor.

It's the head.

Turned sideways.

Looking down at him with intent.

Quincy shouts.

And a voice asks once more, louder than anything in his head...

"Would You Like To See?"

The thunder rumbles once more, and as the lightning strikes.

Quincy covers his ears, expecting the voice to rise over the thunder one more, but then...

...The lights come back on.

With his heart pounding in his chest, Quincy's head snaps to the statue, and he sighs with relief.

It's still as unsettling as ever, but it's definitely not looking at him.

Just a trick of the light.

He lets out a shaky laugh.

"Quincy?" a familiar voice calls over the now dissipating storm, it's Mountain.

Quincy breathes a sigh of relief, "I-I'm over here."

But when he Mountain rounds the corner...

...It's not Mountain, or...

...It's...

"Quincy, are you alright?"

With four massive horns almost scraping the ceiling as he ducks through the doorway, with a face so contorted and... wrong... Quincy can't make sense of it, and heavy cloven hooves stands...

"Did you hit your head?"

He rubs his eyes, staring up, and up, and up at the beast in front of him, who lowers itself carefully to the ground.

"Quincy?" it asks more firmly, clearly concerned, "Quincy, come on, buddy, you've gotta talk to me here..."

Without thinking, Quincy reaches out towards the creature's horns.

"What're you-"

Quincy wraps his hand around the horn, feeling along the ridges, bring his other hand up to hold the one opposite of it.

"Quincy-"

"What are you?" he asks, holding the creature so that he can look it in the eyes, no fear to his tone only...

"I-"

"You look so cool!"

"What."

#Lamp writes #shitghosting #nameless ghouls #mountain ghoul #ghost band #ghost bc #the band ghost #ghost band fanfic #ghost band oc #sibling of sin #sibling of sin oc #Quincy Adventures #the appropriate response lmao

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denial-permanente · 1 year

Note

Thank you and Tom for sharing a bit of your sex life with us.

Given your last publications, it seems like you have too much asks from men thinking with their dicks. So I will try to raise the standard.

Since Tom was always the one proposing many kinks to try, and now it seems that you two stick with your kink (him permanently caged, only foxing, and caged orgasm at your discretion - ok writing that I already feel my question somewhat irrelevant 😅), but does he miss some other kinks? Do you think it will please him to try something else?

I know most old couples tend to stick with something they are comfortable with, but since Tom seems to be keen to explore new things...

You answered that, for instance, pegging did not interest you because there nothing for your pleasure there. But is being that selfish healthy? I know selfishness/unfairness is very kinky by itself and is probably one of the reasons that excites Tom to the point to be able to orgasm with minimal physical stimulation. But, besides this fantasy, don't you mind trying something else more for Tom than for you? Does Tom still ask about other fantasies? Did you talk about it? Did you tried some since he's permanently caged?

Maybe the fact that in the past you rejected the other kinks, but now accepted this (huge) one, is already a lucky success to stick with it?

I'm interested in your experienced answer, and if possible Tom's point of view, for my own relationship.

Sorry if my ask looks judgemental. I don't master English sufficiently to be able to transcribe exactly what I think into words. In no way I judge you ("selfish" or "unhealthy" is not a value judgement), I'm just asking how you truly handle and think about the situation.

Thank you

Tom was the first boyfriend I ever had who took the time to make sure I enjoyed things. He was considerate. He does like to say that I'm spoiled, but I prefer to thi k of it as I'm just being treated the way I deserve. 😅

I have occasionally indulged a few of his fantasies, usually if he asks me. I like to surprise him, and be in the mood for it. But he doesn't really ask much anymore. He once said that being permanently locked like this is living a fantasy so he doesn't get the urges as often.

I think it's sometimes hard to get the point across of what our relationship is like. For us, being locked isn't really the focus. It's the intimacy and really good feelings when we make love. I don't go around thinking "my husband is locked up" except when we're finally in bed together.

But to my husband every morning he wakes up feeling a tight cage. For him, he's getting a constant reminder of what we're doing and that seems to be enough for him. If that makes sense.

But we do have an agreement that I am totally in control over that part of him and that his pleasure always come from pleasing me. Is it selfish on my part to keep doing this? Maybe. But he thanks me often and shows his appreciation for my control whenever he can. So... who comes out ahead here? 🤣

#chastity question

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gildedmuse · 3 months

Text

If anyone is wondering why I haven't updated, there are a number of reasons. However, a major one is that Crunchyroll will no longer allow you to use old versions of the app. What this means is I am no longer able to take screenshots of record small scenes so I can transcribe them or basically do most of what I do here.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this blog, I am a broke ass bitch with a chronic, genetic kidney diseases I had the pleasure of being born with, which severely limits me in a number of ways. One such way is money: medical bills at expensive and even with insurance I owe something like $1,462.78 and that's just the past year. Nevermind the bills I collected from other hospitals/doctors. The result is I live a pretty simply life, including the fact that I don't own any sort of fancy recording equipment like "a pc". Every screenshot, every gif, every artistic and not so artistic edit, every video recording, every single post and fanfic and reply, that is all done from my phone. It's my one and only portal to the Internet and sole tool to do whatever is is I do.

With that in mind, while I am proud I managed to take my degree in English Literary Theory and learn how to do all of that on an older model Android I've had for a few years now, I also know that then bulk of internet denizens are just WAY more skilled/knowledge at this then I will ever be.

Keep in mind, I have no money (so advice along the lines of "just buy this $99 program, it's so easy!" or "why not just get a cheap laptop, you can get one for under $600 EASY these days" or even "you just need a monthly subscription to this OTHER streaming site, that doesn't have a film blocker" just doesn't help, especially since I don't even have my own subscription to CR so there is no just dropping that to pay for another.) I was hoping someone out there knew a method I could use to record the "latest" episodes.

I say latest but I left off at 1078. I know, I'm ages behind, but there is a good reason for it.

Please, anyone who knows how I can take screencaps (recordings would be useful but not required) PLEASE contact me and let me in on your secret.

I won't tattle, I swear. I just want to be able to watch the show and react about it on this blog since, sadly, I've recently lost all my OP watching buddies to various life circumstances.

Failing that, I need someone to agree to watch every single episode along with me as my "recorder", recording long swatches of each episode and then sending to me when we're done so I can get my screencaps and gifs and the likes. The good news? You'd have someone eternally thankful for your contributions, who would credit you in every post, and I wouldn't even use any jokes/observations/thoughts you might share while we watch without permission. And.... errrr. Did I mention the gratitude? Shit, that's really all I have.

But I have so much of it!

Guys, I hate getting all emotional, but I am having a hell of a year between the dogs, the bad diagnosis and, hey, this is currently my face:

For comparison, when I'm not dying:

Just any help or even attempts at advice would be welcomed. I know it's stupid, but a lot of what I personally get from reading/watching/playing things is in sharing it with others. I shouldn't have to explain that, it's part of why places like Tumblr and AO3 EXIST.

Feel free to reach out in a reblog, comment, tag me, DM, message me on discord (gildedmuse). Whatever is easiest. And thank you, so, SO much for any potential advice or help you can offer.

#please help #one piece #screenshots #crunchyroll #desperate fan #need help #looking for help #looking for advice #looking for a goddamn miracle #why don't they want me promoting their show and getting people excited about it #I'm sorry for the post length #it honestly left me so depressed learning I could only watch the episodes and no longer had a way to communicate about them so easily #roronoa zoro #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar law #dracule mihawk #tagged BECAUSE IF SOMEONE HELPS ME FIGURE THIS OUT YOU KNOW I WILL GET YOU THEIR SCREENSHOTS #I literally don't know what to do if I can't take screenshots #I was so excited for the egghead arc & now I have no one to watch it with and no way to share it #I promise if you knew about my health/personal situation this reaction over being unable to doc & share this kid's show would make sense #Hey I've EMBRACED being a pathetic fan who is unshamed in her love of media analysis and fandom excitement

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llendrinall · 2 years

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Hispanism in OFMD

Hispanic representation in OFMD is very well done. I won’t say it’s the show that does it best because there are many other shows out there, but it certainly stands out. So I thought I would write something like a primer to appreciate the good work and maybe help with fic writing. For each episode I’m transcribing (but not translating or it will be too long) all the Spanish, as well pointing fun things.

Episode 1

Olu: “Oye, te traigo comida”.

Kudos to Samson Kayo for his correct pronunciation. Too often, actors will mangle the Spanish to the point that it is unrecognizable or they will be so focused on making it sound right that they forget it should be acted. Samson delivers the line naturally.

Spanish is weird in how one can address another person. There is formal (usted), informal (tú), archaic (vos, os) and the Argentinian brand (vos squared). Here they use the informal “tú” which is common in modern Spanish but still shows a certain degree of familiarity. In the 18 century this form would be extremely intimate.

Episode 2

In the diary, left page, Jim writes “me asegure que el [h]ombre que mató a mi familia pagará con sangre”. There are some spelling mistakes, mostly accents, as well as the missing h-. Lovely detail. Jim is more literate than the rest of the crew, but still miles away from Lucius. It shows that while Jim received more education than most, it’s still lacking. (For more on literacy check this post).

Diary, right page: “Día 28 a la fuga. Debido al alto precio de mi cabeza, estoy atrapado en este disfraz, en una prisión de mi propia creación. El pecio de la venganza es muy alto. Pero aquí estoy, al borde de la cordura, sudando hasta mis supuestos cojones.” Woa, so Jim speaks of themselves with –o which can be either masculine or neutral, rather than the –a for feminine. Interesting choice, when in the same paragraph they speak of their lack of balls.

Episode 3

Lots of things in this episode! I’m putting most of Jim’s lines together and then explaining some stuff.

Jim: “Ese bastardito caught me unawares.”; “¡Cállate hombrecito!”; “Me tienes hasta el–” (this is said while Lucius begs not to go back to the trunk, so I can’t quite catch all of it).

Jim: “She did! Estaba ahí, clarita, on Stede’s stupid fucking nose!”; “You are pushing your luck, hombrecito!”; “Jiménez. ¿Qué pasa?”

People focus a lot on the fact that Spanish is a gendered language (like all romance languages) but this isn’t such a defining trait. What really identifies Spanish is how much it likes to use suffixes to provided nuance.

(A suffix is a morpheme added at the end of the word to change its nature. Examples in English are the –s to make a plural or –tion to make a noun). Now Spanish gets all hot over suffixes. To give a quick example, if we take “rojo” (red) we can have: rojillo (small and affectionate), rojito (even more affectionate, maybe not so small), rojazo (very big or intense, not affectionate but not derisive), rojuzco (not nice, not complete), rojucho (not nice and possibly sick), rojeras (derisive while also affectionate, somehow).

Where am I getting with this? Jim consistently refers to Lucius as “hombrecito” and “bastardito” which is a mostly affectionate diminutive. This means that Jim doesn’t consider Lucius much of a threat, but also, out of all the suffixes options -ito is not one charged with contempt, far from it.

“Bastardo” is not that common as an insult and it comes a bit soft (pendejo o cabrón would be more appropriate and much harsher) but it would be understood by English speakers. Since Jim is a Floridian it makes sense that they would have linguistic interferences. Later, Jim calls Alfeo “pendejo” which is much stronger, so, again, Jim refers to Lucius in the softest of terms while also insulting him.

Jim’s name is Bonifacia Jiménez. Two things about this.

The name: Bonifacia is kind of an ugly lower class name that was never in fashion. Funnily enough, the male version is way more common than the female, although still not pretty. A baby would be named Bonifacio either because it runs in the family (to honor a grandparent or parent) or because it is the saint of the day they were born. In case anyone needs Jim’s birthday: June 5th.

The surname: Jiménez, one I two E. You can find it as “Jimenes” sometimes, but never, ever, Jiminez. Spanish culture has always been very anxious about surnames so women never, ever, change their surname. In some contexts, if they married someone important, they might use something like: Name Surname of Husband’s surname (Bonifacia Jimenez de Boodhari) but they wouldn’t drop their own family name. Children receive both surnames (Father + Mother) and in everyday life they may use just one, to shorten things, but in legal documents they will use both. This is to say that we still don’t know Jim’s full name, we are missing their mom’s.

Beautiful detail: they included the accent over the –e- in the dagger’s carved handle. Jiménez.

Whoever though of naming Jackie’s husband “Alfeo de la Vaca” is a genius. It sounds like a Spanish name, but it is not. Alfeo is close to Alfredo, an actual name, but by shortening it they underline the sound “el feo” (the ugly one). I have never seen “de la Vaca” (of the cow) as a surname, but there is “Vaca” and “Cabeza de vaca” (Cow’s head) so it doesn’t sound wrong. Altogether, Jackie married someone called Ugly from the Cow.

Roach has Berber inspired tattoos. All sides of the Mediterranean have been in permanent contact with each other, but especially in the 17-18th centuries there was a lot of traffic of goods and people. I don’t want to type all the historical background, but it is pretty likely that Roach is familiar with Spanish culture, either because he has been in Spanish territories or because he has met Spanish communities in Turkish/Ottoman territory. The tapas are an accurate representation (although most Spaniards would say those are “pinchos” or “raciones” rather than tapas) up to the presentation itself, like the clay dish Geraldo holds. Stede is wrong: “tapas” does not mean little plates but “lids”.

This is very trivial, but the word “pirate” entered relatively late in the Spanish lexicon. The Spanish soldier’s line (“así tratamos a los piratas”) echoes nicely with Alma’s line, but at the time Spaniards would’ve most likely say “corsarios”.

Bald Soldier: “Filtry scum. Anda y vete a comerte una mierda por ahí.” (Wow, Don Bald Soldier, that was crass).

Jim: “Felicidades. Cara de culo”. Jim’s choice of insults is really something.

The Spanish captain is Nacho Vigalondo, who directed this episode.

Episode 4

Not much Spanish in this ep.

Ed’s assertion that the Spaniards die dramatically is probably right and God is mentioned often in common speech. However, in Spain (not so in Latin American where they have some semblance of piety and respect) it is very common to say “me cago en Dios” (I poo on God). I love to think that what Ed took as cries of “I beg to God” included some “I poop on God”.

Jim: “¿Qué te pasa?”; “Dios bendito. Look everyone…”

Buttons: “Hola”.

Spaniards would absolutely understand some ecclesiastical Latin. Not enough for an in depth conversation, but enough to make some basic requests at least.

Spanish man in grey shirt: “Mira.”

Spanish captain with really good outfit: “No puede ser. ¿un faro?”

Spanish man in grey shirt: “Es un faro. ¡Cambiad el rumbo!”

Someone in the background: “[la otra] vela.” (not sure about the first words)

Spanish captain with really good outfit: “Me has vuelto a ganar, Barbanegra.”

All this is said with the Spanish accent, in contrast to Jim and Nana, who have Caribbean accents.

Episode 5

Nothing. No Jim in this episode.

Episode 6

Nothing. Jim is very quiet in this episode. Although, during the duel, they mimic some moves for Stede to copy. This has nothing to do with Hispanism, I just think it’s neat.

Episode 7

So much in this ep! I am including all the lines first and then the explanations.

Jim: “¿Qué te pasa?” … “Cálmate.”

Nana: Sí.

Jim: Nana, soy yo.

Nana: Me gusta. ¿Es tu marido o están viviendo en pecado?

Jim: Él habla español, Nana.

Nana: Muy bien, ay, muy, muy bien.

Nana: Eres una decepción.

Jim: La vida es la decepción. ¿No fue eso lo que me enseñaste?

Jim’s dad: “vete, vete, vete, ay…”; “¿Puedo ayudarle?”; “Esta es nuestra tierra.”

Alfeo: “Qué buenas naranjas, eh.”

Jim’s dad: “Toma todo lo que quieras.” (Huh, Jiménez goes from formal you in the last line to informal you here. Is this why he was killed? Was Alfeo offended?)

Alfeo: ¿En serio? (stabs)

Nana: “Vamos.”; “Adiós.”; “Lo siento, hijo. La vida es dolor.”

Olu: “La vida es dolor.”

The siete gallos. “Ser gallito”, literally “to be a cock”, figuratively “to be cocky”. Good name for a group of bandits.

The convent. From the habit, it seems Nana is a Benedict nun. Benedictines are supposed to stay put in their convent and be self-sufficient and independent. Their motto is “ora et labora”, pray and work. They famously make really good liquor.

Nana. Not a typical Spanish name, but it could be a nickname. Nuns used to change their names upon taking their vows so Nana can be a nickname of her old name or her nun name (like, Natividad, Nazareth or something like that). Nana may be a random murderous nun, a relative of Jim, or their actual grandmother. In Catholicism, being married and having a family is no obstacle to later becoming a nun/monk/priest.

Is Spanish Jackie Spanish? No. If Spanish Jackie existed, she was of French and Haitian descent. I don’t know why they call her Spanish either. Is it the red?

Episode 8

Jim as priest: “Adelante, m’ijo.” (A contraction of “mi hijo” my son).

Jim: “¿En serio? ¿Geraldo?!

Episode 9

Nothing. There is no Jim, probably because they would have murdered Badminton with one single hit. We sit sadly like Olu.

Episode 10

Jim: “¡Carajo!” (When Lucius walks on them); “¡Vete hombrecito!”. (Aww, it’s definitely and endearment now).

And that’s it. Overall, all of Jim’s line are thoughtfully chosen and their insults vary depending on Jim’s respect and appreciation of the person. And it is possible that Alfeo murdered Señor Jiménez because he was too familiar.

#ofmd #our flag means death #jim jimenez #hispanic #spanish #meta #ofmd meta #ofmd analysis

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penig · 9 months

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a matter of appearances

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Two of these were wrong. Heaven is not in England, whatever certain poets may have thought, and angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort. But he was intelligent. And it was an intelligence which, while not being particularly higher than human intelligence, is much broader and has the advantage of having thousands of years of practice. - Good Omens, the book, p. 119 in the first American hardcover printing

I changed the title, but this is me working stuff out for my own satisfaction and proceeds directly from the question of power posts, so before I begin, links:

Welcome back. Now, why on earth did I go to the trouble of transcribing that entire paragraph when the only bit that deals directly with appearances is the familiar first sentence regarding nationality, intelligence, and monkeys?

Why, because it is the only direct statement we ever get about Aziraphale's abilities, and the details matter. He masks, successfully, as a queer Englishman, but can't, or at any rate doesn't, hide his intelligence, which is not "higher" than ours (whatever that means!) but is broader and strengthened by use. Aziraphale has a huge mental database to draw on, and we need to remember that. (I'm not sure all the minisode writers remember it, but Gaiman allowed that, so we'll have to deal. Later. I will try to be systematic, but I'm afraid I'm a quantum leap thinker, not a linear one.)

Aziraphale is, as we all know, a chronic and habitual liar, but it is easy to overlook the degree to which he lives his lies continually. Lying to humans about himself isn't even a sin - it's a job requirement. He can't appear as an angel among them if he's to do...whatever the heck it is he's supposed to do, which is one of the many things we're not told about him. He has to behave and present himself in ways that trick them into thinking him a human. On the one hand, he's arguably not very good at it; on the other hand, he's lived in Soho for over 200 years at least (the bookshop in the show opened in 1800; in the book we're told that he had a bookshop as early as 1651 and that his neighbors thought of him as the nice Mr. A. Ziraphale) and they all take him as he comes. Crowley hides his demonic nature behind sunglasses; Aziraphale simply masks all the time. Even most of the times when he's alone with Crowley, whom he trusts! Presumably this is why so many autistic fans claim him as one of their own.

I have always felt that his masks are significant to his role and his identity, because he chose them. He is not a man, but he chooses to present himself in a form he knows will be taken for one; he is not English, but he chooses to present himself as the citizen of a self-glorifying, self-aggrandizing empire with a tiny geographic core that tells itself it's doing the world a favor by conquering it (based on his costuming in the AD 41 scene he did the same thing in Rome!); and he is not a sexual being, but he chooses to present himself as a member of an oppressed sexual minority - more, to present himself as the archetype and stereotype of that minority, to declare himself proudly to be the southern pansy.

Break that down into classes of privilege and oppression, morality and license, hypocrisy and sincerity, self-knowledge and self-delusion, and it gets complicated very quickly indeed. How much of this is convenience, how much accident, how much a deliberate middle finger to both Heavenly and English cultural assumptions, how much a challenge to the virtues of humans, how much a hand reached out to them in solidarity, how conscious are these choices? We can't know. Aziraphale certainly won't tell us, and we'd have to take him with a grain of salt, if he did.

I was uncomfortable during much of Season 2 with what thundercrackfic has perceptively called a tendency to infantilize Aziraphale. For much of it, he doesn't seem intelligent or powerful at all; the other characters protect him or threaten him or boss him around or lead him by the hand through complex questions as if he can't be expected to protect himself or think anything through on his own. Present-day Crowley is actually the worst about this; whereas in Season 1 he was constantly trying to draw Aziraphale into action and keeping him informed (while Aziraphale lied and dithered about the bombshell of information he got out of Agnes Nutter's book), in Season 2 he actively withholds information that he thinks would trouble him. There's some indication that he never told Aziraphale the details of his "trial," he doesn't tell him about the Book of Life threat or Hell's burning interest in finding Gabriel. Shax's sub-legion is actually on the march before he alerts him to it, and Aziraphale is so ill-informed and so deep into his Austenian fantasy at this point that he doesn't take him seriously. Then Crowley is the one to lead the humans to safety, and Maggie and Nina (who have a legit grudge against him at this point; they may not understand what's going on but they know they've had their heads messed with) stay because they want to protect Aziraphale - and Aziraphale lets them. It all seemed deeply out of character and I didn't like it.

Then Nina and Maggie ask him if he can't do something, and he answers: "Of course I can, but he enjoys rescuing me so much."

Aziraphale is deliberately nerfing himself so other people can be the heroes.

I should have twigged to this much earlier. I have over 200K of fanfic which a commenter once told me should be titled "Everybody underestimates Aziraphale." It was a central premise of my take on the character that he could do action hero stuff, that Heaven wanted him to do action hero stuff, and he absolutely hated doing action hero stuff and went out of his way to get around doing it. I assumed that part of this was personal inclination, part was PTSD from combat in the War (in which I take it for granted he distinguished himself, because otherwise how did he land his Guardian of the Eastern Gate position - the military doesn't make just anybody an SP), and part was his way of doing his job.

We are never, of course, told exactly what his job is. He's supposed to "thwart" Crowley and is apparently known for his ability to do that, but what exactly does that mean? He remarks in Season 1 that he tries to encourage people to kindness, but he doesn't elaborate or even seem to complete the thought. Crowley is supposed to tempt people to sin in order to harvest souls for Satan; Aziraphale presumably is supposed to encourage people to virtue in order to harvest their souls for Heaven (though I doubt he ever allows himself to think of it as "harvesting;" "saving" maybe).

But as anybody who's ever had a job knows, there's your job description, and then there's what you actually do all day - the things you want to accomplish in the context of the work environment and your ways of doing those things. His internalized purpose, judging from his very first recorded act, would seem to be to help the humans help themselves. He is not allowed to go with Adam and Eve to defend them from the vicious animals and the cold - so he gives them his flaming sword, along with all the unintended consequences of War. He can't use "frivolous" miracles to escape the guillotine, but he can attempt to talk the guards and executioners into freeing him and maybe not cutting off any more heads. He is allowed to model kindness, and to convince everyone around him of how nice he is; and he can get away with appearing weaker and more foolish than he is in order to encourage them to build up their moral muscle and confidence in their ability to help each other. If he'd told Maggie when she got up in the morning that she had it in her to go toe-to-toe with a mob of demons, armed only with fire extinguishers, she would have been incredulous, but before the night was over that was exactly what she did, and pretty successfully, too.

This all fits in nicely with my previously-developed headcanons, and so I like it; but when he said Crowley enjoyed rescuing him, suddenly a part of that headcanon flipped. Because he's not only putting on the silly little queen act for the humans - he's putting on the silly little angel act for Crowley. It's part and parcel of the Arrangement, and older than the Arrangement.

When put in context with the Job episode (the only minisode I enjoyed, for the record, and therefore the one I am most willing to draw on when parsing the text), what I'm seeing here is an Aziraphale who decided back then that he deserved to Fall and Crowley deserved to Rise, because even as a demon, even confronted with children who annoyed him, Crowley displayed a busy, active moral sense on which he was willing to act, while Aziraphale was acutely aware of his own doubts and indecision and tacit complicity in atrocity, and no doubt magnified his own shortcomings to himself (as you do). So he has been giving Crowley the same opportunities to do good to an angel and build the habits of protection and kindness and making moral-based arguments Hell would not like him making. Fitting him, like the humans, to get into Heaven? That's certainly possible. Certainly he is giving him opportunities for the acts of service we all know is Crowley's love language.

But that personal love complicates the matter a lot.

Anybody who doesn't think Aziraphale knows Crowley loves him, or at any time was in ignorance of it, is overlooking the key fact that Aziraphale can feel love. He explicitly refers to this in both the book and Season 1. The fact that they don't talk about the particular love that lies between Crowley and him doesn't change that. Crowley even tells Maggie and Nina, straight out, that Aziraphale knows, when they give him The Talk. But they'd be having an easier time in Season 2 if this sense enabled him to process that love. It's not like the human love he's been encountering during his sojourn on Earth, it's not like the love he feels for humanity, it's certainly alien to the love of God and of Heaven (which to a human eye doesn't look like love at all); it's just between them, as far as he knows, and once the Ineffable Bureaucracy is revealed it doesn't seem particularly similar even to that. It's just - him and Crowley, the way they are.

Which Aziraphale seems to think requires that he make himself smaller than he is, so Crowley can feel heroic.

Crowley truly does enjoy rescuing Aziraphale, there is no doubt about that. He even gets off on little things like being coaxed with puppy dog eyes into cleaning his coat for him. But to me, out here in the audience, it's clear that he also likes it when Aziraphale does something badass like giving away his flaming sword or blowing up his halo. Aziraphale only takes visible satisfaction in front of him, however, in small things - palming the incriminating photograph, for example, or asking for the towel and the rubber duck. The big things scare or embarrass him.

Is he afraid Crowley will feel less loved if he feels less needed?

Is he afraid Crowley will love him less, if he needs him less?

Is he afraid of his own power? Of his tendency to get carried away, to overdo things just a bit, to start out building a neat little roleplaying romantic scenario to hide what he and Crowley did from Heaven and wind up with a shopful of glamored, disoriented, and semi-mind-controlled neighbors dancing dances they don't know how to do. Aziraphale and Crowley have scary amounts of power, and while Crowley embraces that, or at least faces it head-on, Aziraphale really doesn't. And y'know? Watching that ball? He's probably got a good reason for that.

Which brings me right round back to the PTSD idea.

I'm a military brat, born on a USAF base and shuffled around according to military personnel policy and needs. My dad didn't have a combat position, though. He was a mechanic for his entire tour in Nam, thank goodness. I live now in the town sometimes called "the mother-in-law of the army." My husband was in the Air Force when I met him (but, again, never saw combat and really did not have the temperament for it). I am not an authority on PTSD in veterans, far from it.

But I've met these guys. I've worked with them, dated them, played D&D and SCA with them, paid rent to them, even been rescued by them in minor ways. I know the difference between the loudmouth bragging about what he's done, or will do, or could do, or is trained to do, or looks forward to doing, the gung-ho guy who wants to kick ass that you've probably met hanging around the comic shop and have certainly seen on your ballot, and the guy who never talks about any of those things, structures his life by a rulebook, accepts authority when it's thrust upon him but does not seek it out, prefers a quiet life, and suddenly pops up with a weird competence when it's needed, only to put it away again when it's not, unless you ask him to teach you. (He'll teach you. He'll teach you all the safety rules first.) For good or for evil, it's the guy you forget was a soldier who was the good soldier. And as a good soldier, he may have done horrible, horrible things. He may even have medals for them, buried in his sock drawer or shoved to the back of his gun safe.

I think there's a strong possibility that Aziraphale was a very good soldier and now wants to forget all about it. That he may even have been a hero once, and doesn't want to be one ever again. Let Crowley do it; let the humans do it; let other angels do it; I don't want to kill the anti-christ, I don't want to fight demons even when they invade my bookshop, I have no intention of fighting in any war. Let me be the cat's paw while you surround the church to descend on the Nazis I lured there for you. Let me be the person who draws the fire, who introduces the complication, who uncovers the clue - you can save the day. I don't like that part.

With all these layers of and reasons for disguising his true self, it's no wonder that Aziraphale loves sleight-of-hand and theater. No power involved, no harm done, it's all illusion and skill and appearances. So innocent, so harmless, so fun!

It's no wonder it's so hard for him to tell the truth.

And yet, he takes almost everyone else at face value. Most dishonest people I've known have been deeply suspicious, always looking for signs of deception and clues to what's not said, to the point of cutting themselves off from people they should be close to. It takes an honest person to be truly gullible, I would have thought. How real is that gullibility? How deep is that trust in everyone except himself?

I was once very badly hurt by a liar. Well, more than once. Most of them I haven't forgiven; this one, I did. Because I realized that in order to lie to me, he first had to lie to himself. Because I realized he'd been raised to lie, because his real self was not acceptable to his family and they would not be satisfied with him until he lied to them. Of course he thought he had to lie. Of course it took him most of his life to figure out what the truth even was. He had to put in a lot of work, and he did it. For me, specifically. In tandem with me putting in the work to fix what made it so easy for him to lie to me.

Aziraphale can do it, too. For Crowley,and for humanity. I have every faith in his ability to do that. Crowley has a lot of crap to unlearn and replace, too. They can do it, together, for each other.

Metatron is going to do everything he can to prevent it, in order to protect his own lie.

Fortunately, Metatron underestimates Aziraphale.

Unfortunately - Aziraphale also underestimates Aziraphale.

#good omens season 2 #good omens season 1 #good omens meta #good omens book #i'm just trying to build headcanons to see me through to S3 y'all #non sims #good omens

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therealvinelle · 11 months

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Do you think language adaptations is hard/difficult for the Cullen’s? Specifically Carlisle? I imagine that he’s worked so hard to get to where he sounds somewhat normal and then the language sort of changes. Language is always changing. There’s different slang and different ways to say things all the time. The book comments at times that he sounds a little old fashioned so I imagine this may be a bit of a difficulty for him.

I think that's impossible to say because we don't know how their brains work re: language and I don't want to throw out guesses. Or rather, if I did I would spend the entire day looking up sources to back me up and it would become a very technical post that still had the same conclusion, "I dunno man".

I'll say this, though, Carlisle's dialogue as it is transcribed in the books, or Victoria's (she was from 1500's London) for that matter, sounds perfectly modern in intonation, syntax, and vocabulary, so I'm guessing Carlisle just has older words and phrases that he's held on to either because he likes them or because they sometimes convey a meaning better than the modern version would.

(Norwegian, a language that has changed a lot in the past century, used to have "kjedelig" mean awkward, unfortunate, or just a general sense of "ugh". You're talking to a friend about how your neighbor Susan is a bitch, turns out Susan's daughter heard the entire thing and now she's crying. This is a very kjedelig situation for you. In the modern day, however, kjedelig means boring, and the old use has become archaic. The trick is, of course, that in my opinion we don't really have an equivalent word for what kjedelig used to be, with the same connotations.

Another example is "bedårende", adorable, lovable, charming, enchanting. You could use it to describe a young woman, a child, a cute animal, and so on. It has become archaic too, it's very very rarely used and when it is you get odd looks. We have no real replacement for it.)

All this to say that given Carlisle has successfully adapted his English vocabulary and syntax to the modern day but occasionally will use more dated language, it's probably a preference (sometimes you just like a word or a phrase) or else that he couldn't find the right word to describe something so he resorted to a very old one.

#carlisle cullen #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #victoria

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digital-survivor · 10 months

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I’ve been replaying Survive in both Japanese and English, mainly because I’m a madman but also because I want to compare how the dialogues differ. So far, I’ve found several dialogues that are significantly different, but for now I want to highlight the differences I found in Shuuji’s affinity dialogue concerning his relationship with his brother in Part 4. More under the cut.

Particularly this part, actually happens to be the answer that increases your affinity with Shuuji.

(The Japanese to English literal translation was done by me, though do keep in mind that I’m neither a native speaker in Japanese nor English, so take it with a grain of salt. I did actually transcribe the whole dialogue, you can read it here.)

The differences are actually pretty subtle (and I can understand why they chose to translate it as “annoying” in English), but I feel it also alters the nuance greatly. Aside from how I personally find “annoying” to be too strong and super nosy even for Takuma, I think this dialogue is supposed to give a hint to what Shuuji’s character arc entails.

The whole point of his arc is that he tries to mould himself to fit into the ideal image forced onto him by his family. The thing is, Shuuji fails at that exactly because he’s different from the rest of his family (i.e., his personality doesn’t “match” that of his family’s)—and that becomes his downfall. The only way for him to avoid his downfall is to finally realize that it’s okay to be different from the rest of his family and not meet their expectations, even though it means he’s deemed a failure by them. What’s most important is that he needs to be happy with himself first without stressing over what his family wants from him, and this answer—being the one that increases his affinity—is kind of Survive’s way to help both Shuuji himself and us realize that.

There’s also a minor, though less nuance-altering(?) difference in another part of the whole dialogue—towards the end, Agumon asks Shuuji if all he ever does with his brother is fighting. In the English localization, Shuuji answers that they never even fought because his brother “wouldn’t even sink to that level”, implying that his brother never starts a fight with him on his own volition without any external forces. However, in the Japanese version, he says that they’ve never fought because “they were never even allowed to”. Who exactly didn’t let them fight is left vague in the dialogue, but from what we can piece together, we know it’s most likely their father. What this line tells us about Shuuji’s family is that it’s not like Shuuji’s brother never wants to fight Shuuji or vice versa—it’s that even if they have the urge to fight each other, neither of them start a fight because they’d potentially be berated if they did. Or perhaps, every time an argument is about to escalate to a serious fight, they’re stopped right away because it’s deemed bothersome. It shows how normal it is for the Kayama brothers to suppress their problems with each other because it’s viewed as “getting along” in the family. It isn’t exactly a healthy relationship to have (what with pretending the problems don’t exist by hiding them, thus having no way to fix your problems) especially with a family member, and that gives an insight of what kind of family Shuuji grew up in and how it’s shaped him as a person.

#digimon survive #digimon survive spoilers #kayama shuuji #this post has been sitting in my drafts for the longest time #i'm actually in an office outing right now in another island welp #no time to play survive again but i'll continue once i get back #sorry if this is very... all over the place #not exactly the best writer i am

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 1 year

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Hi there! Absolutely love your Eddie stuff! If I may, can I request something heartwarming – like the (male or gn) reader ends up giving Eddie a ride home when he gets caught in the rain and the two end up having a deep conversation that ends up in some feelings getting spilled? <3

Oh, we've got one dose of angst and fluff coming right up!

Eddie Munson x Male Reader

Send me request here! Currently writing for Eddie Munson. I write for a variety of reader inserts (male, female, gender neutral, POC too).

The more details you had to your request, the better it is for me. EX: “What about some fluff for Eddie after he’s had a long day?”

Feel free to look through my masterlist here!

_______________________

It starts all because of a project in English. You're placed into pairs, by Ms. Barlowe, to take famous scenes in Shakespeare's play to translate them into more modern times. It's only with a little bit of regret do you look over to Eddie's seat. He'd gone a little too hard last night on the gig at The Hideout and probably using the hangover as an excuse to sneak over to Reefer Rick's. The air was warming up. The grass and trees were turning a hair more green. He'd need more to sell soon and it's not necessarily a new practice for Eddie to take a random weekday to handle other means of business.

He didn't love having to do it, but he did what he had to do. And much like Eddie, you do what you need and you collect an extra of the instructions as they're passed out for Eddie. Ms. Barlowe beams from the front of the class. It was a project everyone knew was coming for their unit. She did it every year. Everyone talked about the "surprise" at the end which was pairs would perform their transcribed scenes.

The thing that truly sucks is that you know this is not an activity where you can pick your own partner. Pairs are selected before the project is introduced. Given Ms. Barlowe's track record, she was not going to pair people who always worked together up which means the likelihood of you and Eddie winding up together is slim and pushing zero.

The class shuffles about as pairs are put together. Your name is called and then you hear a name you think could freeze blood. "Jason Carver."

He scoffs. "Of course, the freak's little assistant."

You roll your eyes at the taunt. "If you're nice, I'll show you the ropes," you return lowly.

Jason's gaze is hot and full of disgust. "Do me a favor and drop dead."

"Scared that you might like it."

"Alright, you two!" Ms. Barlowe interjects. "I will not be reassign partners so you two are just going to have to learn how to work it out and get through this assignment."

You shrug. You'll survive but you can't help but feel a bit of smugness at the way Jason's seems absolutely uncomfortable at the idea. The rest of the class you two spend giving just long enough sentences to answer the questions but nothing that would constitute a real conversation.

By the end of the day, you head over to Eddie's place to find him strumming at his guitar, not plugged into any amp on the front porch a cigarette hanging from his lips. He grins as he spots your car pulling in front of the trailer. He is less pleased when you go digging into your backpack to pull out the dreaded manilla folder. He groans head falling back into the cushion of the couch.

"You just got here. Don't do this to me," he huffs, taking the folder from your hands.

"At least when I leave it'll be so much sweeter," you tease, falling into the seat next to him. Eddie is careful to lift the instrument and even leaves to get it back inside so it's safe. When he returns, two cans in hand, he extends one to you.

"You hate Coke?" you question. It's your favorite but not what Eddie normally goes for.

"Just take the damn soda," he mumbles around the button of the cigarette still pressed between his lips. You take the cold can with a nod. "Tell me this is the year where Barlow let us pick partners.

You shake your head. "Nope, I'm with Carver."

Eddie tries to tell himself he shouldn't be angry. Barlowe never lets people pick pairs for this project. Yet, he can't help the small flare and tick in his jaw. If Barlowe is going to give the class hell about not being able to pick partners, the last he wants for you is that you have a shitty one. "Tell me the prick is behaving?" Eddie should be more mindful of how the question comes out.

But you hear it--the way it's clipped and thick with disdain. Eddie is pissed. You opt not to tell him about the spat you and Jason have and especially don't tell him about Jason called you Eddie's "little assistant". Because sure you and Eddie were close, but you were just friends. And though it was painful to remind yourself of that, given how casually affectionate Eddie can be, friends is almost all you're most likely to get from Eddie.

Like right now, Eddie's arm is thrown around the back of the couch and he finds purchase on your shoulder. But it's casual. He's reclined back into the cushion, rings clinking against the can as he readjusts his grip on it. "I'll survive," you return. "How was your sick day?"

"Boring," Eddie laughs.

He rests the can on his thigh and thinks how his head splitting in half woke up him up. But what he wanted more than anything was to hang out with you. He wanted to hear you laugh and attempt to poorly sing the songs on the radio. Eddie wanted share bowls of cereal while watching you attempt to put together an itinerary for the day. You are a planner. He is the driver and it's how it always works--when the two of you want to get up to things, you plan, Eddie drives.

Eddie likes to think if he ever asked you to rob a bank with him, you'd already have a whole plan in place. And maybe sometimes it's just someone to sit at Lovers Lake and contemplate existence or staying hours in the local library curating the perfect stack of books to read.

All Eddie knows is that every second is better when it's spent with you. And the two of you talk almost until dark, creeping centimeters closer and closer. It's a knee first and then falling into each other as you laugh. It's easy here on the front porch of the trailer to give in to the gentle and probably not even noticeable taunts.

The project would go by like everything else except for when Eddie calls in the morning right before you're leaving to head to school. "The van's not starting, can I bum a ride?"

It's easy to say yes and when you show up to Eddie's place ten minutes later, he's quick to duck into the passenger seat. The sky is grayer than normal and you wonder if before spring fully blossoms winter plans on giving you one more dreary day. As you pull into the parking lot of the school, you call out Eddie's name softly over the quiet crooning of your car's radio.

"What's up?" he returns, hand already clutching the handle to let himself out. He doesn't want to make you late and he knows he's cutting it close by needing the last minute ride.

"I agreed to stay back to work with Jason for the last bits of this project. I don't know how long it's going to take but, uh, if you need someone else to give you a ride, I understand."

Eddie shakes his head. "I don't have anything else today. Unfortunately no hot dates have come my way yet," he laughs. It pains him to make the joke but he makes it anyway but that's what friends do, right.

"If you're sure?"

"Yeah, dude, I'm sure," he laughs and then opens the door to peel himself form the car. Eddie gets his bag on his back and then starts for the front doors. You watch him for a moment and hope you didn't really imagine the flash of sadness through his eyes.

Eddie keeps his head down as he approaches the building and turns the corner for the first bathroom near the entrance the second he can. He throws himself into a stall and locks it behind himself. His head hits the door and he exhales shakily. He shouldn't wait, he knows. It would be easier to have someone else give me a ride home, but Eddie doesn't want anyone else to drive him home. He wants you to do it.

He wants to listen to Madonna on the radio and laugh at your terrible falsetto. He wants you, but it feels like it'll never happen. He'll be stuck always wanting and never having. And given this, the suffering is worth it. If he can't have it all, he can at least hold onto what he can have this way.

Eddie doesn't look at you much the rest of the day. Even at lunch, he laughs, but his eyes never fall onto you. The space between the two of you feels thick, like you could cut it with a knife it's so tangible. When you tell Eddie you and Jason will be in the library, Eddie only nods and keeps his gaze trained on the ground.

You want to ask then what is going on. But don't get the chance before Eddie stalks off in the direction of the drama room--where Eddie said he'd hang out while you and Jason worked-- and Jason approaches from behind you. You pray the final touches on this project are swift. The forty-five minutes it takes to get through your final revisions and final practice feels like an eternity.

You have to tell yourself that every thirty seconds that you glance at the clock will add another hour. But you can't help it. You want the seconds to go by faster so you can talk to Eddie, see if you can dig up what's really beneath the surface. Jason all but runs out of the library when you two declare that this is as good as it's going to get dealing with Hamlet.

When you knock on the drama door, though it's already cracked, you can see Eddie pouring over something in one of his binders, pencils a flurry in his hands. "Occupied," Eddie returns to the sound of your knock.

"Shit, didn't realize they'd converted this into a bathroom over the course of the day," you laugh.

Eddie snorts and then looks up. "Done already?"

"Jason can't hang," you tease, hoping it'll make Eddie laugh again but the sound is hollow against your ears.

The walk to your car is quiet between the two of you and you're noticing now as you step out from the awning of the school that it's raining. You and Eddie make quick work to get to your car and once inside you turn the heat just a little to help dry you two out a little faster.

"My place?" you offer. "Restocked on Mountain Dew."

"Oh, actually, I-I told Wayne I'd fix this thing around the house and-and I should probably get to that before he-he gets home," Eddie returns. It's a lie and it falls clumsily from his lips.

The rain pitters softly against the roof the car. "Bullshit, Eddie," you huff, but turn the key in the ignition. You throw the car into reverse and look behind you before you start reversing.

Your hand comes up and grips the back of Eddie's seat as you navigate the car out of the space and Eddie almost kreens into the touch. He almost gives in, but he reminds himself that you two are just friends.

"You don't get to call bullshit," Eddie returns softly. "It's-it's true."

"What do you have to fix?"

"A valve to the shower." If a shower is metaphor for a heart, but Eddie doesn't say that last part aloud. He just stares out of the window shield.

"Was it something I did today?" you ask, replaying the entire day in your head. It all started this morning. But all you'd done is given him a ride.

"It's-it's not you."

"Don't tell me it's you. You can't do that, Eds. It's cliche. I can handle the truth," you huff, taking the right onto the street carefully as you know it's prone to flooding in heavy rains.

"It's us," Eddie answers.

"What-what about us?" The question catches in your throat. Whatever Eddie said next would alter everything--better or worse, but things would change and all it would take was an utterance of Eddie's voice to change it. You don't know if you're more excited for the possibility or more anxious about this all shattering, but you need it change. In the moment as Eddie doesn't quite get his words out, you realize you need something to give even if it's earth shattering. "What about us?" you ask again.

"I want--" Oh Eddie can't say it. How does he put into words how he wants just to sit and do nothing with you. He wants to be the one you tell everything too, even if it's minor and seems trivial to the word--Eddie wants it. How does one articulate the desire to hold every piece of someone knowing they are falliable and it could all go wrong but wanting the honor of a chance anyway.

"I want everything," Eddie starts. It feels complete on its own but more knocks against his teeth. "I want to hold you hand and I want to tell you about the lyrics that are in my head and I want you to want me too. In every way possible and I know we've been friends for years. But holy shit, we just--we work and I am a cynic. Self proclaimed because I have Daddy issues and let's be honest, it's sort of just a result of what's happened and keeping everyone away makes it less likely for someone else to hurt me. But I want you to hurt me. Like, I want to know it's risky and not care if it blows up because at least I got the shot with you. I-I just want us to be more than what we are."

You laugh. You fucking laugh because you can't think of anything else to do as the tears well in your eyes. The rain blurs as the tears build and you pull over onto the shoulder of the road and drop your head onto the headrest. Eddie gets the car into park for you, realizing you haven't moved to do it yourself.

"You are so--" you laugh and then lift your head. "Eddie, I have literally been driving myself insane trying to read your signals. Because I couldn't tell if it was just how you were or if you wanted what I wanted too. I hate Mountain Dew, you know."

Eddie nods. "I know."

"But I don't want to hurt you," you state, stretching over the console.

Eddie closes his eyes at the feeling of your hand on his cheek--how your long digits hold his cheek so firmly.

"Look-look at me," you command.

Eddie follows it, eyes dripping in worry when they land on you. "Yeah?"

"I want you to teach me how to love you. I like you already. I want you already, but I-I don't know how to love you and I need you to teach me that. I want to learn that. I want to listen to all the lyrics and I want you to hate me when I try to talk sports to you, but you listen anyhow because you know I care. I want to get hideous sweaters together for Jeff's Christmas party and win goddamn it because you know everything is a competition with me. I want to teach you how to love me too. How-how does that sound?"

Eddie blinks, trying to clear the tears from his lashline but he smiles, hands coming up to your chin. "That sounds like a hell of a ride that I want to be on."

"Good," you exhale with a tuft of laughter. "Because I'm not getting off."

There's only inches between the two of you and you close the distance sealing your lips around Eddie's. You revel in the way he pushes into you, pushes every so gently into the kiss like he can't get in close enough. His hand slides to your cheek now and your stomach flips at the feeling of his calluses, bumping over your skin.

Eddie breaks away from the kiss first, "Prepared to be sick of me now," he laughs.

"Oh, I was sick of you years ago," you retort nipping at his plump bottom lip. "Just wait until you see how unbearable I can be."

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x male reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #h writes #stranger things

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