#so i take any chance i can get to talk abt the technical stuff

[subarashiihibi]

on the topic of those cholinesterase inhibitors i've been looking at this one for a while and i read ppl who have my condition's experiences w it and i get all big eyed like woah... u said it helps ur air hunger... u said u feel normaler... like i need that... unfortunately i cant do anything until i get insurance again so 💔

[just-barely-a-somebody]

I’ve got a take on a prohibitedwish/fionna and cake pirate au that I thought of while listening to music and will never write a full fic for, so I just wanted to write out the ideas I had for funsies

It starts at night when Scarab, a feared pirate captain, kidnaps Prismo, son of the navy’s head general, to be used as a bargaining chip to save Jake from being hung.

Prismo has befriended an owl (Cosmic Owl ofc) and it follows them as Prismo’s taken away. On the ship, Fionna and Simon are ready for when he returns and they have Prismo tied to the mast to be clearly visible.

With no better way to help, Cosmic Owl attempts fly in and attack Scarab. It isn’t very effective when Scarab manages to grab Cosmic Owl by the claws. Scarab questions Prismo about the owl and Prismo panics to explain that Cosmic Owl was some of his only company.

Begrudgingly, Scarab sends Fionna to get something from below deck. Fionna returns with a small pouch. Scarab takes a pinch of colored dust from the pouch and blows it into Cosmic Owl’s face. Prismo’s worried about how it might hurt his eyes when Cosmic Owl sputters and is now *magically* able to speak (the first thing he says is probably yelling at Scarab to let them go or something before being like ‘wait oh shit I can talk’). As Prismo and Cosmic Owl are both coming to this realization, Cake comes up from below deck and makes a casual comment abt how great two way communication is (ref to what the squirrel said to cake in fionna and cake).

^that’s like the closest thing to an actual scene I’ve thought of

so more general lore just laid out

Meet the Crew (and learn the lore):

Scarab- captain, helmsman (does the steering). He is the owner of the boat, and is the one to decide who gets to join and who doesn’t. To his own annoyance, their safety is top priority. He claims it to be because they’re already such a small crew, and cannot afford to lose any more (but really he’s grown attached, though it would take a significant amount of inebriation for him to admit it). He carries an unassuming cane everywhere because of its magical ability to transform into a weapon (his crystal from fionna and cake but pirate themed). Previously a bounty hunter, he formed the crew after a target got the jump on him and left a scar slashed across his back. Now they search for magical artifacts and treasure to get by.

Simon- navigator, cook, surgeon. He takes care of everyone’s wellbeing and responsible for most technical stuff. He joined the crew in pursuit of knowledge about the treasures out there to be found. Years ago his long time girlfriend Betty sacrificed herself to save them from the kraken that rose from sea during a large battle at sea. She did it by using one of their treasures to fuse with the kraken before it could sink their ship, and the part of her that remains now allows them to cross its territory unharmed. He still misses her, and drops small offerings/gifts that he thinks she might like into the water when they pass over.

Fin- master at arms. Fin is well trained in combat and responsible for teaching the others how to handle themselves. He and Scarab are well matched when they duel, with most ending in a draw due to an interruption eventually requiring their attention. Growing up he was an orphan living on the streets with his only friend being his dog Jake. They were thieves to get by, and one day stumbled their way into finding the sack of magic dust that allowed Jake to talk. One day they stole a relic from bounty hunter Scarab that granted Jake his stretchy powers. They were caught in the act, but became the first to be recruited by Scarab as he saw their potential. Upon Jake's capture, he has become dead set on saving his best friend.

Jake- Cabin boy. With his stretchy powers he improvises ways to help the crew or hold together the ship. He met Prismo by chance and got to know him well enough to find out he didn't like his life stuck on land. They became friends before Prismo knew he was a pirate, but things went downhill when Prismo's father caught them and had Jake arrested. Stuck in jail, his only knowledge of what is happening is through the complaints of Prismo's father blaming Jake for Prismo's capture. Safe to say, it's the only reason he has yet to be hung.

Fionna- Rigger, Swabbie. She and Cake are the most recent addition to the crew. Like Fin she was an orphan before being recruited, and was the same age as he was when he was recruited many years ago. She reminded Fin of himself, though she was much more eager to be a pirate, so he convinced Scarab to allow her and Cake in. As the youngest in the crew and filled with a need for adventure, she often is the first to rush in without thinking things through. This has gotten them into troubling situations before. To make up for it, she is doing her best to learn how to fight from Fin so that she can properly defend herself.

Cake- Swabbie. When she joined, she was given the same magic dust that Jake had. In Jake's absence, she has had to learn how to use the stretchy power relic that he left behind on the ship. With some big shoes to fill, she makes it her business to keep others positive/entertained (this has yet to work on Scarab)

Not sure if there should be Bubblegum and Marceline or Gary and Marshal, or both, so feel free to imagine their inclusion however you prefer. Coming up with this stuff is hard, okay?

Prismo- hostage. Prismo lived most of his life under control of his strict father, and began sneaking out at night to live his own life. With little friends, he befriended an owl that happened to nest outside his window. One night he met Jake and they got along well, meeting up every night for a week until Prismo's father caught them. Only then did Prismo find out that Jake was part of Scarab's crew which his father had been working tirelessly to catch. Prismo was grounded, and Jake was jailed to be hung. After his capture, Prismo sympathizes with their crew, and wants to support their goal of having Jake released. It takes a lot of convincing from Prismo to be allowed to roam free on the ship after they have set sail (which Scarab permits on the grounds that Prismo simply doesn't have the combat skill be able to seriously injure any of them even if he wanted to). Scarab is highly skeptical of Prismo's sympathy, and keeps a close watch that Prismo cant help but be highly aware of. Fionna reassures him that it's just how Scarab is, but with his nervously pushy attitude Prismo is slowly able to break down Scarab's emotional walls one by one.

If anyone does anything with this I'd love to see it

[pepprs]

ok um. literally fucking pain and suffering. mutuals i need ur advice vote now on your phones 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[wooahaes]

dino soulmate au !! i don't have a specific trope in mind, but im curious to see which one you think fits him best :D

hii <3 hmm... technically dino was where i left off on my soulmate series (which is currently paused until i finish either sweet night (more likely) or under the sun (unlikely lol), then i'll try to finish out those fics before i start a new series), so i'll avoid what i've got planned for him there

(death tw, will tag the post w this as well)

ill play around w a lil bit of angst. reader has lost the soulmate that they were dating ever since they met in high school bc (insert cause of death here). not even minutes after he's dead, the name lee chan writes itself across the back of their hand. out of resentment for the universe immediately pairing you up right after you lose the love of your life, you resolve to keep the stupid name covered as much as you can and never meet this lee chan the universe is replacing your soulmate with.

elsewhere, chan realizes that there's a name written up his forearm that he didn't have before. a certain percentage of ppl are born w/o soulmates, and chan always thought he was one of them until now. he probably excitedly shows it off to his friends (only abt half of which have soulmates imo bc i like having a mixed bag there), and they promise to let him know if they happen to run into someone w his own name on them.

enter jeonghan, currently going through practicum to become a licensed therapist. enter, you on a summer day without a bandage on the back of your hand and his friend's name contrasting your skin in neat lettering. also enter the fact that jeonghan can't say/do anything about giving out your information because of violations, so he's stuck trying to figure out how he can lead you or chan to one another.

ultimately, he figures out a way: you mumble one day a week or two later that your favorite coffee shop is closed for renovations because you'd always treat yourself with something sweet from there, jeonghan asks if he can make a suggestion, and he pushes you toward one of chan's favorite places before immediately getting both seungkwan and vernon on the task of getting chan there. you end up sitting in the corner to kinda just people watch and chill post-therapy session and wait on your drink. your name gets called out, and you notice the way another guy's head snaps up immediately. you retreat to your corner with your drink, only to hear the name lee chan read out soon enough and you aren't taking any chances. you get up to leave, and immediately the guy tails you out and asks for you to stop before rolling his jacket sleeve back to reveal where your name is boldly written along his arm.

you tell him you aren't interested. he's immediately heartbroken by that kind of talk, but asks for your number anyway because he'd at least like to be your friend if nothing else. you give it to him after making it clear you aren't looking for a new lover, and then leave.

and idk insert more stuff abt you and chan getting closer until you finally open up and mention tht ur in grief counseling bc of ur soulmate dying and that you'd always hated chan (as a concept--you like him now as a person) because it wasn't even five minutes before his name appeared on you. he apologizes, you tell him not to bc its not his fault, and the two of you agree to take ur friendship slow.

insert chan feeling guilty as he falls for you. insert u feeling guiltier because you fell harder after that and you try to push him away again. fic culminates in you admitting to him or to a friend that you're terrified of losing another soulmate. maybe its w a family member of deceased soulmate who reassures you that he would want you to be happy before asking if it had been you, wouldn't you want him to move on one day? it ends w you crying on them and apologizing because you feel like ur betraying ur first soulmate, but accepting that its okay to move on.

its just a lot of talk abt grief and whatnot lol with a side of chan helping you heal because he wants to be there for you, romantic feelings or not. you confess to him that you've fallen for him and ask to take things slow now and the fic ends off with the two of you going to get coffee together or something

[janiedean]

Just seen a post like "y r reylos upset? they kissed. I have a ship where they don't even meet" and I was ready to go "I Don't Know How To Explain To You That knowingly shipping a crackship and seeing a ship that's been set up since the beginning get turned into some emotionally manipulative little trick by hacks who dgaf abt the characters and only want to cash in on every single part of the fandom are very different things." But I gave up. Not worth the effort.

it’s not, but... honestly?

this thing is... like... I don’t want to say mildly worrying me, but... it is. (beware the next post won’t probably make much sense but bear with me this thing isn’t sitting well with me lmao)

I mean, like, let’s get it out of the way that I didn’t care for reylo either way until tlj and post-tlj I was like ‘oh okay they’re definitely the romance of the trilogy fine sounds nice I’ll be here being happy for them when they inevitably kiss’, because it’s like.. star... wars. I mean. sw is like the one franchise that until five days ago I’d have cashed in on being the ONE thing that would always end up cheesy/hopeful/not disappointing you know, so... I didn’t even consider that there was another way it could end. because it’s goddamn sw, redemption stories with happy endings are the damned brand.

so like... the fact that the thing was obviously set up and they tore it to shreds along with everything else in the movie is bad. like, bad. but people who didn’t realize how fucking insulting it was just... don’t seem to get that the moment you go watch movies whose brand is making you feel better about things and they turn into calvinism central NO HAPPINESS ALLOWED and they don’t even do it with sense - bc rots made no fucking sense at any point ever and that’s outside reylo - it just... makes you feel betrayed? like, again: in 2015 when I came out of the cinema the only thing I banked on was poe dameron not dying and I couldn’t care either way about kylo ren, but like - tlj made me care. as it was supposed to be. I was supposed to care about kylo ren’s pull to the light and guess what I did because that movie wanted me to, and it wanted me to do 2+2 and realize that he and rey were soulmates and fine I was down with that because I like myself a nice love story.

and then like... you give it to me, like that, and the moment you have the character who has had a shitty life, has been groomed since he was born if not before by Worst Person In The Galaxy if the new canon wants me to buy that - or by snoke but it’s the same -, is an abuse victim and is 100% sure that everyone hates him and no one understands him or wants to understand him, you make that character related to one of the most iconic ones in the franchise to the point that you tried to make han every other member of the trio tbh, you actually have that character taking his life in his hands after talking to han and like embrace what he always wanted to be and show that he’s actually happy with it (like ffs guys it’s also probs because adam driver is an excellent actor but you can see the ben solo vs kylo ren difference in the span of five seconds, and you’re supposed to root for ben solo to win ffs), have him actually win, have him being happy for the first time in the entire canon and then you kill him a second later with rey in tears over it except that then we forget to give him a funeral........... like.......... sorry but I feel robbed because as lowkey as my effort on banking on ben solo’s redemption was because I was sure it was coming and I took it for granted it still felt like they were being unnecessarily cruel. like, they could have killed him in ten other ways that wouldn’t make you feel like someone stabbed you in the kidney as another anon put it. but no, let’s give people the prospect of HEY THEY’LL BE HAPPY just to tear it away from them ten seconds later. like, what the fuck? that’s not what anyone signed up for.

especially when the entire thing was obviously set up for the happy ending. like, if you actually misread the audience so much that you think star wars audience wants grimdark when it’s a movie marketed at children then you don’t deserve the money you’re most likely getting paid.

like, again: as someone who wasn’t even diehard reylo or whatever even if I absolutely shipped it, I felt like these assholes took my money and punched me in the kidney since rey palpatine was a thing and the moment he died I about screamed fuck you out loud... along with most of the entire room which was screaming fuck you, because guess what, not a single person in that room actually was banking on the ben solo redemption to fail and each single person in the room was clapping when they kissed because we were fucking waiting for it already, and like......... obviously ppl shipping it are upset. they were given an unsatisfactory movie up until then that didn’t give the characters justice but which could have still been more or less decent if it saved the spirit of the entire thing... which it didn’t because sw is not fucking calvinist central and hasn’t ever been until now. and then they were given canon after being the target of the vilest shit (guys seriously I unfollowed antireylo people way before shipping reylo myself bc that crap was out of line for shipping fictional stuff)... just to have them take it away by killing the one character that was there to show you that there’s always hope for you to do the right thing?

like, let’s be fucking real: the message is that if you fucked up and want to be better it won’t ever be enough because sorry but you’ll never get another good start and if you care about someone who fucked up and want to help them be better it’s wasted time because people who want to do better can’t actually live and have a chance to keep on doing it.

and sorry but fuck that message with a chainsaw. the beautiful thing about this ship imvho was that in tlj it made it overtly clear how rey helped him out of being a genuinely nice person who listened to someone who thought no one ever would and at the same time kylo/ben couldn’t believe that someone actually said that he wouldn’t be alone either bc the two of them are extremely lonely people and feel that acutely....... and they even threw in the soul bond to make it extra obvious. it was a hopeful story because you had girl who never had anyone who was also innately good who could put her prejudices aside to see that someone who also went dark side because he thought no one loved him and then kept on being abused his entire life actually had good inside them and wanted to help him see that instead of writing him off as a lost cause. like. that was a good romance. nothing exceedingly new under the sun, but in sw it was pretty fresh and a good spin compared to the two other main love stories of the trilogy. also, anakin/padme was what it was and han/leia was immensely better but hey someone decided to kill off the entire original trio so whatever... and if these two ended well they’d have been a constant improvement, never mind the symbolism - you had anakin who was a no one and married a space princess but ended up tragically because he went to the dark side and she could do nothing for him, then anakin’s daughter who was a space princess and married han who is also technically a no one since he didn’t even have a surname on his home planet, and if rey/ben had actually not.. had that ending you’d have closed the circle with space prince descended from both anakin and leia being brought back from the dark side with the help of another no one and finally the damned skywalker line would have gotten one 100% happy ending because it was supposed to be the ending.

like.

that’s something that thematically made so much sense I didn’t even think they wouldn’t do it.

and they did. and guess what of course people are pissed. because this movie about ignored themes, its own canon (from tfa and tlj) and didn’t accomplish one single thing except chewie getting his damned medal.

which, while something we all hoped would happen at some point, is hardly the one thing you should accomplish in a star wars movie supposed to end the goddamned cycle and which eventually ended up being prequel-level if not worse. because I mean, objectively I think the phantom menace was actually a better movie, and I would rewatch this over 2 and 3 just because the cgi in this movie didn’t hurt my eyes, but as bad as lucas got with the prequels, he never did a single character as dirty as disney did all the characters here. no, not even padme, and he did do padme dirty.

tldr: if people don’t get why you’d be pissed at how this movie ended idk what to tell them... but shit if it’s not worrying me that people apparently can’t get that it was a disaster on each single level it could have been. peace.

[tobinheath]

You didn’t answer my question though? If the game had been 3-0 (which it should have) and she had two assists, I don’t think people would be saying she had a bad game. Other players’ lack of finishing is out of her control especially when she gives them perfect balls.

Also, I don’t think she had clear chances (she didn’t even register a shot) this game that she completely blew like the first and second game. I consider a chance something like Tobin had. Press received the ball a few times around the 18 where she could have had a better touch to create something, but that’s not technically a chance. Which is an issue if no one is playing in and creating chances for your CF in 55 minutes. Not connecting with the front line isn’t her fault alone, there a three players up there, the other players on the front line need to be making runs into the box as well. Blame can’t be put of one person for the front 3 not connecting.

People let others off the hook for the same things they get on CP for. For example, if you want to talk about not creating chances and not connecting with the front line, out of everyone that played on the front line at one point during that game, Tobin, Hanson, Russo... CP had the most run of play chances created (2) in the game. Tobin had 3 from corners and 1 in the run of play. The others, zero.

I’d say she sucked the first two games, no doubt, and her touch was off this game obviously, but she didn’t miss any big chances and she didn’t miss any wide open players. Which is the parameter you’re using for saying she sucked. I’m not trying to change your opinion but in general I think sometimes the good stuff she does is overshadowed by her bad touches. Where as for other players, all of their bad touches and missed passes and BIG missed chances are forgiven if they end up with an assist. Which she should have had by no fault of her own.

Okay i will say this first to get this out of the way: i didn’t “let anyone else off the hook” for that game. Except maybe jackie (who got potm js). i don’t follow their team as much as i do awfc, so i’m not invested if they win or not. So my reason for watching was entirely for crispy and toaster. And so all my reactions were centered on them. Simple as that. You didn’t see me say anything abt other players because i don’t know them as well or care enough about them to have an opinion on them. That doesn’t mean i “let them off the hook for something i get on cp for”. I simply do not care about them to give a fuck 🙊

But yes I acknowledge that she did stuff right too. And i’m not trying to tell anyone that she’s outright a bad player just because i said she sucked one time. You said it yourself, she was off that game. No big. She’ll do better, i know. I’m just not the type of person who would coddle a player for not playing the way i know they can. Especially not a player i’ve followed for like 5 years and so. You’ve got the wrong girl if that’s what you were expecting.

But yeah!! The rest of the team sucked as well dw ik. Lmao. I jus didn’t say anything. And if they had finished their chances i dunno if i woulda said anything different. Maybe i would have. Idk. Lmao. I mean the tendency is that when players get on the score sheet for a goal or an assist, people forget the rest of their performance. But yeah them not finishing, you’re right that’s totally not on her. Never said it was anyway. Just thought she wasn’t up to her usual standards that’s why i posted that.

But it seems like people totally misread my liveblogging of the game (which is basically me shit posting) as an actual analysis of the game which it totally isn’t. Lmao. I like to be hard on her and tobacco to be funny. That’s kind of my brand. Don’t take it too seriously! It’s not like my opinions matter in the grand scheme of things anyway? 😂

So yeah, i’ve been a fan of cp’s for a long time and i’m sure u kno too, that that wasn’t her best game. Didn’t say it was worse than the first 2 but those times she didn’t really have enough time to show her stuff so it’s not a good point of comparison. I’m not blaming her for anything, especially not for the less than stellar performance of the team overall (minus the goal i guess). But yeah it’s no big. 🤗

[peacheenie]

hl1/2 gordon scentric hc time

im rly feeling half life in this chillis tonight so....some....hc’s about everyones favourite free man, i have a lot so enjoy

-he’s actually mute and uses sign language but only about 50% of the time cuz people either don’t know what he’s saying or he can’t do it whilst holding like 20 different guns/weapons to protect himself so instead he makes big gestures a lot or writes down what hes trying to say (pretty much everyone at black mesa could understand him via sign language so he was very comfortable using it, during hl2 however he has to keep reminding himself not everyone is fluent and it frustrates him to no end)

-when he tries to speak it hurts and the most sound he can make is mumbles or little sqeaks so if theres ever a time he needs to alert someone to dangers reeeal quick he ends up hurting his throat a lot to try and make some kind of warning noise thats loud enough, he can hum tho and enjoys humming along to music as well as when he’s signing to try and convey some kind of emotion along with his facial features of which he emotes a LOT

-his hand writing looks like that of an actual dotors and its neat cursive but very hard to read so if he’s trying to write as a form of communication he just defaults to caps with big spaces inbetween and people (barney) tease him about it constantly (barney)

- hes incredibly short sighted without his glasses and ends up squinting a lot without them on and since he’s usualy default bitch facing he just looks very angry all the time when really he just cant see anything please dont be offended sir he didnt mean to upset you

-is actually very scared all the time abt like everything, hes literally just a scientist who just happened to be “the right man in the wrong place” and was just so determined to try and save those around him during the cascade that he pushed thorough his fears and anxiety to try and get the job done but he def has some form of ptsd after it all, barnicles specifically really freak him out because getting strangled and slowly lifted off of the ground into a row of razor sharp teeth is fucking TERRIFYING and he wouldnt wish it on anyone

-only reason he knows how to use guns is because barney would regularly take him down to the shooting range during their breaks and they’d see who could shoot straightest after a few drinks, barney would always win.

-after hl1 when he was put into stasis and he wakes up in hl2 hes lost like 20 years of his life and hates that fact terribly, all his friends have aged around him but hes still in his 20′s when he shouldnt be and he hates it so fucking much

-he also finds himself missing the feeling of the HEV suit terribly during the begining of his re-awakening in city 17, he’d grown so used to the feeling of it on him and keeping him safe that it makes him anxious without it and the cold air on his hands is also uncomfortable so he prefers wearing gloves all the time, when he finally gets the HEV suit back it feels like a weight has been lifted and he can finally stop worrying, the suits voice is also a comforting sound beccause its familiar and a sign that he’s not alone, same goes with the healing station and suit charging noises; they’re a comforting sound to hear and he enjoys humming along to the vrwwwrrrr vrrwwrrr vrwrrrrwr the machine makes when he plugs into the port

-he worries about overdosing on the healing stations a lot though; the morphone they give out is indefinite and once during the casade he’d passed out from taking to much and woken up to a zombie very slowly approaching him from down a corridoor but with how drowzy he was it was it was a horrible struggle to lift the gun and fire between dozing in and out

-he gets attached to people quickly since also during the cascade days he’d regularly meet people in danger who only had him to keep them safe so he tries his absolute hardest to make sure he can protect people even if that means he gets shot in the process, the suit usually protects him/heals him anyway so he’s used to it and if theres danger he almost default/automatically moves infront of people to make sure they’re okay without any concern for his own safety

-he also reeeally likes antlions and will pet them any chance he gets, he tried to do it when he first saw them and almost lost a hand so it makes him upset he has to kill them but when he finally gets the bug bite from the vorts? ohhhhohohoh he pets so many antlions, it again makes him sad he has to use them as like fodder for turrets and stuff but if an antlion comes back to him after taking down a turret or killing a combine he gives them extra pets and becomes a very proud papa

-since hes technically in his 30′s (and would be nearing his 40′s had he not been in stasis) he feels more of a big brother/fatherly bond toward Alyx since he’d also met her as a baby and finds any romantic involvement with her awkward, (so Elli’s comment on him “wanting grandkids” he ends up slapping the man on the arm with a frown to which Eli just laughs) this doesn’t help his attachment issue though so when they have to seperate to do things away from the other he worries for her safety even though she constantly assures him she can take care of herself and he KNOWS she can. he still really can’t help but worry though...

after hl2 ep2:

-when eli dies i dont like to think they all straight away go to mossman and instead get to spend some time mourning at the base, this gives gordon some time to finally sit down and relax for a little bit but he finds it incredibly hard to even take off the HEV suit at first because to him there was no passage of time between being put into stasis and waking up in city 17 all those years later; he’d closed his eyes, went into the portal and then the next second awakened in a completely unfamiliar place, in unfamiliar clothes with unfamiliar people (he definitely had a panic attack before geting off that very first train) and the thought of that happening again when he’s not prepared is terrifying.

-when he does finally take off the suit (after a lot of helping and reasuring from alyx, kleiner and barney a LOT from barney; theyre very good friends (;) he takes to wearing very comfy and heavy clothes such as jumpers, ponchos etc as well as a bullet proof vest because it makes him feel safe, the HEV suit gloves he retires entirely cuz theyre gross, definitely covered in his own blood and have been through hell so instead he has a bunch of different pairs he cycles through depending on how he feels that people around the base give him after learning about his fondness towards them

-he secretly carries a gun around with him even when they’re not in any danger becaus it’s another added layer of security and becaus he literally can’t trust things to not go bad EVER; now though nothing will go wrong again on his watch because he’ll be ready for it!! this really doesn’t help with his nerves though since he’s constantly looking for something to go wrong

scene specific hc’s:

-i always think abt that one specific sene in the train that gets derailed where alyx is trapped by a stalker and gordon has to pull it away with his gravity gun and i always imagine him franticly pulling it away with so much alarm on his face and such panic, when shes free though and has to stop to catch her breath gordon would give her a hug and make sure she’s okay cuz it must have been terrifying to have that thing screaming inches from ur face, gordon just instantly  goes into protect mode

-another scene that always comes to mind is when you first encounter an advisor and it makes that horrid loud noise where alyx is holding her head; i imagine gordon almost dropping the gravity gun in a panic to try and cover his ears because he doesn’t handle loud noises too well and it freaks him out so much alyx has to help him get out of the room since he kind of locks up on hearing it

-same goes when you get trapped by an advisor in a barn and almost become food for it; gordon is absolutely terrified at getting so up and close without being able to move that when it finally does drop him he starts hyperventilating and alyx has to protect him from the oncoming combine for a little while before he can catch his breath

-last scenes but some of my favorites are the ENTIRE sections of gordon being up close with breen, 

first being the teleporter malfunctioning and when gordons heavy breathing i imagine hes trying super hard not to start freaking out/hyperventilating and when breens doing his “i want that twink obliterated” spiel and then looks up and says his name, gordon almost looses it and internally is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

second is when youre trapped in that like...metal contraption thing the stalkers are carried in and brought to breens officce and that entire section where breen is talking directly TO YOU i just adore it becausee gordon would have been looking away awkwardly unable to actually respond and furrowing his eyebrows at the nerve breen has upon thinking you would ever agree to any such terms and would definitely also spit in breens face as a response just like alyx did since he can’t use words

okay that is all, if you read all of these you’re amazing and i love u and also gordon hes an amazing “character” because i can insert as many of my own quirks into him as i please because valve literally never gave him a personallity :^)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

You're so right about the Will Roland fanart problems. It seems like back when Will Roland was only known for Jared people were way more proWill because he could be their funny meme boi who ate bathbombs but now that he's a lead with all these emotional songs it's like God forbid he's not their "twink bby". Idk it annoys me so much especially when people draw the rest of the Broadway cast and still use WillC or do an animatic with WillRs voice and WillCs character ugh like. Accept the Roland pls

lmao we are all just out here grabbing the mic like “attention all bastards: Look, just because will roland isn’t your ideal fancast for most adorable twink of the year - “

really like, i have never come across any signs of there having been any pattern in the deh fandom of ~taking issue~ with will’s Abilities to sing or play the part of a struggling teen or whatever like what crops up re: him being the lead in bmc.....it also is unsurprising yet disappointing that like, jared and alana are so easily completely ignored, but when they Are acknowledged it’s super flattened interpretations like, either they’re both hypocritical jerks (just based on evan’s gfy accusations basically lol) or if they’re actually viewed in a positive way it’s just like, alana is your friendly local Model Student and jared is memes and neither of them are in the way! :3

you litrally cannot ignore jeremy the Whole Entire Main Character tho and also like. can’t ignore the fact that caring about jeremy as a Romantique Lead is ahhh important to many ppl in the fanbase? so him being regarded as ~less cute~ is more of an Issue b/c the character must be taken seriously and is the sympathetic hero and has a lot more solo material / more of Any material / more focus than jared does in deh.........you Have To Look At Him and care about his actual feelings and not just misinterpret the character as “has no serious emotions b/c he doesn’t say serious things in a serious tone” the way ppl misinterpret jared. there’s the assumption that someone who is good / sympathetic should also be attractive / cute / Personally Appealing To Look At and that wasn’t as much a conflict when ppl didn’t think it was important to sympathize / care about / pay attention to jared too much, and the “conflict” of caring abt jeremy’s capacity for a romantic relationship but that’s less important if he’s not as Cute also not being as much an issue when most people don’t care about jared’s romantic feelings or think that they exist despite jared being in love with evan But Anyways

like it is wild the things people will just make up to “justify” their Dislike for will, which has only manifested as apparent Issues thanks to him playing jeremy rather than jared........there’s the classic “mm idk i don’t think he can sing that well” approach which like. some people are just trying to say they do not like the inherent descriptive qualities of his voice, which is more nasal obviously and don’t anyone come in here with the “Actually the Technical definition of Nasal re Vocals is” b/c we know what i mean, alright? nasal voices are not considered ~serious~ and there’s the kneejerk dumb-annoying-loser-nerd association. god knows that jeremy heere canNot have characteristics that could be automatically judged as irritating and unappealing. then there’s the notion that He doesn’t have the (vocal) range!! which like. do you honestly think they would cast someone who doesn’t have the correct range. you’re aware that will roland was being considered for the part of jeremy in the two river run up to the last round of callbacks. you know that the song that was literally written expressly to suit will roland’s individual voice and singing abilities makes use of his falsetto which people go “omg he can’t hit those high notes” except sometimes when they misattribute his falsetto to other singers they suddenly find it worth complimenting. and then you get people who like, want to subscribe to this softened version of it and get all backhanded like “oh i think will’s vocals are improving whew that’s good” in any random video and always Only single him out apparently like. did you think he gets worse with experience? you don’t wanna talk about any of these other professional singers improving or worsening or anything? only wanna give ur assessment of william’s huh

honestly i for real haven’t seen the 1.0 version b/c i’m here via will roland in the first place & i’ve never gotten the impression that there’s some Essential Content i’m missing out on by having only seen 2.0........but between a) people complaining that will r’s jeremy is Too Frustrated He Shouldn’t Be That Angry It Makes Him Less Sympathetic and b) saying just as a point of comparison betwixt the depictions that will r’s jeremy is more frustrated and c) i haven’t read That much bmc fic but people sure talk about jeremy being like five seconds away from bursting into tears at any given moment which like, okay yeah aren’t we all, but also i presume this stems from will c’s apparently Sadder portrayal of jeremy. i almost forgot where i was going with this one but i think it’s just that yeah people truly take issue with will r’s jeremy being more frustrated and it’s like you realize there’s no Right or Wrong portrayal / interpretation even if you prefer one for whatever reasons......theatre just is Like that.......you have a slightly different portrayal during ever performance even from the same actors, and you’ll often have different actors playing the role........yeah people usually are attached to the first performance they see / have that as their Standard and that’s fine, it’s just like, you don’t have to decide that’s an Objective view and that you have Objective issues with everyone else’s take. 1.0 is still there for you

uhhhh oh yeah and the whole Clout idea lmao......people really putting themselves out there shaking their heads at the supposed fact that will was cast for the off bway run to Boost Popularity b/c he was part of the deh obc......besides the whole thing that it’s hardly likely that would’ve been considered necessary anyhow, there’s the little thing that a) again, will roland had already been very seriously considered for the part even before will connolly was decided on for the original run and b) like.....these people had been collaborating for eons and you really think will roland only popped into their minds thanks to being in deh....and c) joe iconis has repeatedly said they specifically did Not want to cast people based on who was Known enough and whose names would be good for marketing and d) maybe anyone has noticed that the marketing never involved any mention of anyone in the cast? no? cool. and yet people like so truly think they’re Wise to ~real reason~ that they’d go and cast will roland as the lead. like people are making shit up and really just thinking it’s true b/c they Want it to be true b/c they Want to be validated in having actual contempt for will’s casting despite the “issue” being that he doesn’t seem as Likeable (worthy of sympathy...cough...) thanks to his deemed-unattractive looks and sweetly-adenoidal voice and more-frustrated portrayal all seeming less cute or whatever

and i mean i haven’t seen it crop up of late but the one particular Grasping At Straws ~justification~ for will being unworthy of the part thanks to perceived acting/singing incompetence which is soooo wild is when people are like “ough i Hate when he just holds his arms out when he sings” like fmslkdj if anything that’s just an individual quirk and the fact that it was something you noticed means you just latched on to it as potential fodder for “the fact i registered this information abt someone whose existence i Resent means it distracted me which means i hate it and it’s bad”...like another thing he does with his hands while singing is when he makes the loose claws and kind of half crosses his arms in front of his chest! where are the complaints about that?? nowhere, b/c people have not really processed it as a particular thing, so they can’t deem it a Particular Thing To Criticize. people sometimes Notice that his jared talks with his hands a lot, which will says is an acting choice that came from an unconscious tendency, but people really only bring it up to juxtapose will’s jared’s dramatic tendencies and nervous habits with sky’s jared’s more outwardly still and smoothed-over behavior. aka they don’t Complain about it or deem it a weakness / bad thing. and yet people caring about bmc are really jumping on that chance to be like oh ugh there he goes again, having a characteristic i associate with him as an individual, disgusting, can’t believe will connolly was murdered for this..

it’s a bit clearer too with bmc moreso than deh that people aren’t super willing to accept how will roland Looks b/c like, thanks to will connolly’s jeremy having the long hair thing you can Tell The Difference In Which Actor Is Represented when ppl draw the character even if the rest of the features are kind of “generic” (and how even the costuming isn’t a dead giveaway since ppl will draw connolly jeremy in 2.0/3.0′s outfits) and it even serves to specify the actor in writing format too if they mention the hair lol........and honestly?? this fact is one of the most damning things lol in that people the reason so many ppl continue to produce connolly-based jeremys is Not because for whatever reason they can’t / it’s too difficult to draw a will roland lookin jeremy......like a lot of the time The trait which serves to distinguish between the two is the hair thing. people are adopting jeremy’s new costuming and stuff but choosing to make sure we know that jeremy does not Look like will roland and the clearest indicator of this is the longer hair thing......which also means that for many people the main effort they’d need to exert to make it clear they’re drawing wrol jeremy would just be to....shorten the hair. And Yet!!!! it is apparently beyond people to do this

like uh nice on making a lgw animatic but really.........really we’re gonna take the song that is specifically from the 2.0 / 3.0 runs, so it’s obvious we’re Accepting that non-1.0 content, okay......and we’re Accepting will roland’s vocals, which, a person’s voice is a physical trait of theirs too, same as The Existence Of Their Body........and yet jeremy Cannot Look Like How Will Roland Looks, that’s too far, can’t do that. we can take material from the specific versions the actor was cast in, that material being a song written specifically for this individual actor’s voice, in the form of this actor’s actual vocals......but can’t have the depicted image of jeremy be based on this actor’s appearance..............of all the......

really all that it is is that more people find will connolly more attractive than will roland and this makes them feel like will roland Is Worse and then the people who just run with that either just embrace that and are crashing around on public forums saying Lol i hate him cuz he’s ugly lmao....and then you have people who don’t wanna do that but don’t wanna actually examine why they ~take issue~ with will being cast and so they’ve gotta leap on any Other things about him that feel more acceptable / Objective like oh the portrayal is “Wrong” (that’s not how this works) or he can’t sing well enough (yeah he can) or high enough (yeah he can) or he was stunt cast (no he wasn’t) or they wanna label every characteristic / trait they can think up that Isn’t his physical appearance as Annoying And Bad like. maybe stop and ask why you find it SO pressing that this other actor has the part and it Must be objectively inferior if not ruinous for reasons you gotta invent about him being incompetent cuz it’s better to make stuff up about how a professional actor isn’t good enough for a part than to say you don’t think he’s cute enough and are bothered by that

it didn’t matter as much to people when they viewed his character as either Just A Joke or Just A Jerk or flat-out disposable material. being attractive is for serious sympathetic beloved characters, natch

unfortunately jeremy can’t be written off as The Unimportant Meme Friend With No Real Feelings so now there’s a whole problem if an actor is not as cute

like b/c of the way he looks ppl can accept that a character played by will roland can be funny or can be rude or can really not be too important to take seriously / consider complex or sympathetic or likeable beyond being a walking Running Joke, but when it comes to a sympathetic main character whose emotional state is so important it’s practically assigned a character and who’s a romantic lead? now people have a problem with him looking the way will roland does

[ohsweetflips]

fukc,,,, talking about lucretia reminded me of how much i love her afionavaw. you said that you have thoughts about the order of the seven birds forgiving her? you don't have to elaborate it rn but what order do you think it it? i think magnus or merle would be one of the first ones to forgive her, then lup and barry, and davenport and taako would be the later ones. also sorry im bombarding you with questions alfwbgkh

@marblesaremyfavoriterock asked: I’m loving this discussion u and anon are having abt Lucretia and forgiveness!! In the post abt Lup u said you’ve put a bunch of thought into how each of the birds come to forgive Lucretia and how long that takes and I’d love to hear ur thoughts on that stuff if you want to talk abt it!!!

(disclaimer: i am speaking for myself and only myself and i get that not everyone might agree with what i think, and obvi that’s fine, but i’m not here to start fights/angry discussions)

my entire blog is actually just a secret campaign to get everyone to love lucretia adventurezone

but!!! about the other birds!!!!! i have put so much thought into this so first let me just put everything in the order of which i think forgiveness happens

merle/lup (during s&s)

magnus (during s&s)/davenport (shortly after s&s)

barry (a while after s&s)

taako (a while after s&s)

and now, my explanations:

merle: from the get-go of s&s, we see that merle never treats lucretia with animosity. while taako and magnus are pointing their weapons at her, merle is constantly asking what they’re doing and trying to get them to put their weapons down. also, canonically, i think it’s safe to say that merle doesn’t hold much of a grudge. he appears to like kravitz, even though kravitz almost killed him and had probably some hand (pun intended) in merle’s loss of faith for a little bit. he also greeted john warmly and kindly, even though their last interaction involved merle telling john to “kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard.” also, though, maybe it’s just me, but i saw merle and lucretia as two very good friends. in stolen century, he constantly encouraged her and was the one to tell her that she should consider taking on a more leaderlike role. in the bureau, he admired the faith she had in herself. so, i think he would forgive lucretia first because, honestly? that’s just how merle is. not only does he admire lucretia and see her as a good friend, but it’s just in his nature. also, important to note, merle obviously loves his kids, and without lucretia, he wouldn’t have his kids. so, w/ the prior friendship he had with lucretia/madame director, his personality, and what he got after the voidfishing, i think he was always in a state of forgiving lucretia.

lup: see this post

magnus: magnus is actually interesting in my opinion because, if it wasn’t for the fact that he found happiness in raven’s roost, i think he would be a lot less inclined to forgive lucretia. during stolen century, magnus learned how to ask for help and really became “the protector” during those one hundred years. he gained a family, and a dear pet, that he swore he would protect. however, this was lost after the voidfishing. he still wanted to protect but he didn’t exactly know who, or what. factor in the fact that he was the first one to start distrusting the director, plus the fact that he was getting very close with the voidfish, who didn’t seem to know how to answer any of his questions about the director, and all of that would add up to a rocky forgiveness of lucretia. except, now we have to consider two things. one being the fact that travis said it’s canon that magnus saw how hard of a decision lucretia had to make and, because of that, magnus doesn’t hold a lot of malice against her. the second thing that i think we need to consider is raven’s roost. after stolen century, i think we can say that magnus got the “happiest voidfishing,” in a way. he had raven’s roost, a stable job. he lead a city through a revolution that they all believed to be a success. he found the love of his life. it is canon that those years in raven’s roost were some of the happiest years magnus has ever experienced. if magnus didn’t have raven’s roost, didn’t at one point have julia, i think it would’ve been a lot harder for him to forgive her, bc what would he have had? he would’ve lost his friends, and who’s to say what life he would’ve made outside of raven’s roost. but, because lucretia was technically responsible for him going to raven’s roost and eventually finding julia (and stephen), i think that also factors into his forgiveness of her (plus the canonical stuff travis said, which i am 100% here for).

davenport: i firmly think that davenport forgives lucretia fairly quickly after s&s. now, you might be saying, “jordyn, what the actual fuck,” and don’t worry, i said the same thing to myself. but play with me in this space, give me a chance. i would put lucretia at lawful good, or at least in the “good” category between lawful/neutral. davenport, i think, falls kinda more around true lawful/true neutral. and this, i think, would factor into his forgiveness of lucretia. in stolen century, i think we saw early on that davenport is a very “means to the end” type of guy. he was the one who suggested destroying the crystal on the robot planet. he suggested blowing up the sacred mountain of the conservatory. by cycle 66, he was angry and tired. in cycle, what, 92? when they voted on the relics? davenport didn’t actually vote! he never expressed his opinion on the matter. he let the majority decide because, with whatever they chose, he would go along with it as long as they could see an end to their journey. then, during s&s, he was the one to suggest leaving. he was the one to suggest killing the voidfish. throughout seeing his actual character, and not just voidfished davenport, we see him constantly pushing towards the gruesome, though some might say “easy way out,” decisions. bc that’s who he is. destroy the crystal bc, even if it hurts people now, it will stop the hunger later. destroy the mountain bc, even if it sucks for this world, we can use the light to save other ones. make a decision between relics and a barrier because, even though we don’t know the results now, it could help later. leave this world, people are gonna die now, but we can try again next cycle. kill the voidfish, because then everyone can fight back. see? very “means to an end.” so, now, how does this factor into forgiveness? w/ the other birds’ forgiveness, it’s hinged on a much more emotional/social level. merle forgives bc it’s in his nature. magnus forgives bc of the bonds he has formed. davenport, though? it’s all… pragmatic, professional, almost? i think he would look at lucretia, at what she had done, and then at the fact that they saved the world, and would think, “well, she did what she had to, because without that, we wouldn’t have saved this world.” i don’t think he enjoyed being turned into just his name, and i still think he and lucretia need to talk, but i think, looking at the results of everything, he kinda sees it as “X had to happen so that Y could.” now, his forgiveness does hinge on saving the world. say they ran to a different plane? i don’t know if davenport would have forgiven her as easily, because then their failure would just look like a halt in their journey. but because they won? i think he would forgive lucretia because, well, they won. they finally got a happy ending and, after looking at all the decisions davenport tried to make, i think it’s safe to say that he understands having to make hard decisions.

barry: barry, like magnus, is complicated, i think. i think he has more notches in the “not forgiving lucretia for a while” category than not. why? similarly to taako, because of lup. except, instead of taako not knowing who lup was until the end, for barry it’s because he knew. when he was a lich, he 1) figured out what lucretia was doing and 2) figured out that lup had been voidfished. he found out that lucretia had made this organization w/ an inherent distrust of magic items and powerful magic users, he found out that lup had been voidfished entirely, and, most of all? lucretia was now actively working against him. i do not subscribe to the idea of lucretia being a villain, but in barry’s eyes, i think she was, just like barry might have been closer to an antagonist in lucretia’s eyes bc he was trying to undo her plan. so, i think barry takes a while to forgive lucretia bc 1) he lost lup, and knew he would forget lup once again once he was “alive” again, 2) lucretia knew he was out there and was now making her organization a place where he could never be, and 3) his friends were now actively working against him bc of the structure of the bureau. i think a huge part of the reason for barry and taako’s reluctance to forgive is so closely hinged on lup (well, for taako, that’s canonical) because i think it’s also important to remember that lup never forgot. sure, she was forgotten, which sucks a whole lot obvi, but she never had to forget her love and her brother. so i think that’s where a sort of rift happens bc taako and barry had to deal with forgetting lup, while lup never forgot them, and though that might be a post in itself if i could think of the right way to word it, i think that also factors into forgiveness a lot. i think, like w/ taako, he and lucretia also have a discussion, except i think that one might be a lot more emotionally charged bc these two were actively working against each other for a time. but i do think that they eventually reach reconciliation and perhaps do actually consider each other friends again.

taako: taako in itself is complicated just bc of how so many people are divided on it, but i think taako’s general rate of forgiveness (and lack thereof for a time) is self explanatory, but i gave my two cents here if you’re interested. tbh, the taako&lucretia situation would be much better told if i actually just wrote a fic on it, bc i feel like my thoughts could be much better expressed in prose than me trying to word my headcanons in a way that people could understand exactly what i have in my head. however, if pressed and given some time to answer and sort out my thoughts in a completely different post, i could probably try to write out all my thoughts on taako&lucretia post-s&s.

[standardlovers]

ok here’s another ask skwnskwn uhhh unpopular stranger things 3 opinions?

idk most opinions of st3 are so idk which are unpopular but i can give it a shot with just random opinions i have and it will loop over into what i think should/shouldnt happen in st4

it was really uncomfy and weird watching mike and el kiss at all, they're like 5 they're children it's just, it's uncomfy to be looking at

billy was not Redeemed in st3, we see depth in his character, we see a slight explanation for some behaviours and we see he's different but he's not technically Redeemed

Robin is the best character on the show, smart as fuck but terrible taste in women. my kinda girl

Steve not getting a love interest is better than the alternative, even if they make steve bi in canon i seriously need a season of steve being Alone romantically, so far he's gone from years with Nancy, trying to get Nancy back, trying to pick up girls and having a crush on Robin so he's always looking for Something romantic and im glad he isn't getting it, Steve needs to get some grasp on himself without the need for a romantic partner and allow himself to be without one and without need to get one before he does get with someone knew

erica and lucas are the best possible examples of siblings, then nancy and mike THEN jonathan and will, even if they're better at being close and stuff they aren't 1000% realistic for most sibling relationships

jim was quite harsh a lot this season and i know it was him being overprotective of el but sometimes it was a fine line between him being a steady and protective dad and him being pushed and losing it cause he didn't talk it out sooner

mike was a little shit and annoying as fuck this season. also a bad friend and a bad boyfriend. i know he's just a kid so im not gonna grasp the situation the same way he does cause im looking at it as someone older than him but he's sucked and did we see him actually apologise to will and say he's sorry? at all?

will and dustin were treated badly by people who are established to be their best friends and shouldve said smth sooner

nobody fessed up and took responsibility that they had such low expectations of dustin they not only accused him of lying abt having a girlfriend but didn't seem to show any sadness at not trusting their friend when he did reveal that it was true

joyce deserves that move away, even if hop had lived Joyce and the kids had been so beyond hurt and traumatised in Hawkins they deserved to be away from it all, especially el and will

billys mum is alive, it's clear she left and billy spoke to her on the phone in the memories so she's Alive and back in cali

speaking of, it doesn't in any way shape or form justify his actions and im not at all trying to but i do think a part of the change in billys attitudes between S2 and S3 could have been impacted by the fact in S2 he was JUST up and moved to a new town away from where he lived his whole life and probably the last connection or hope he had of being with his mother again so his being more calmed or tame in S3 could be him getting used to Hawkins and accepting he has to stay for X amount of time until he can move back alone if he wants to

suzie and dustin singing was sweet as hell

if Mike had done that whisper in the ear shit with me, id have thrown his ass out too

el and max are bi and also have crushes on each other just a lil bit

el's new fashion is cute and im not just saying that cause she dresses like i do sometimes

joyce should have said sorry sincerely for standing hop up at the restaurant, even if she was doing research and learning and stuff she should have apologised for leaving him hanging like that

it was fucked up and cruel and unnecessary to kill billy in front of max, for emotion i get it but for me, she didn't need to see that, she's a kid that's gonna stick with her forever and as far as i can think it's the only death she's actually seen happen in canon

max shouldn't be left with neil, i don't trust him not to turn on her now that billy isn't there taking hits, i just don't trust him not to snap at her now billy isn't around to deal with all the shit

i Knew before the show was released and i said it to someone i'll look for the chat, but i KNEW the audio that was used would be a flashback for Billy's life in cali and i was right and im fuckin stoked abt that

killing hop was shit, he just got the chance of a new daughter and a better life and was working on it to be there for her and more supportive and stuff and trying to work around her being in his life and having her own life outside of that

release tammy thompsons music! i need new muppets hits!!!! make her sing life's a happy song!!!!

heather was cute, wish she wasn't possessed 😔

idk anything else but im in love with steve harrington

[ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING PLEASE]

[y01te-moved]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

i almost cant even count how many this is but im doing every single one anyways and you cant stop me despite the fact that this obviously took me ages to actually answer

1: if ur reading this ur legally obligated to follow max (sender of this ask) Right Now. Just Do It.

2: i think more ppl with my sense of humor should watch Spider Riders bc listen..  if somewhere along the line that show suddenly gained more popularity again in this fine year of 2019 id be both actually funny for once but also revolutionary. by all technicalities some of my hcs are fucking great but i dont think i could say a lot of them and even be comprehensible outside of orientation based ones that are just rlly controversial. granted im not even sure i could or would actually recommend the show to people cause its kinda dumb a lot of the time and also fairly long at least to my standards so its harder to finish unless ur like really invested in it :pensive:

3: also on that note the next time a horny person even THINKS about Corona im Going to break into their home and then break their knees. i hate that she has so much fanart thats basically just fetish art or otherwise managing to be nsfw in some way shes like 15 at best fuck off!! its rlly only a problem on like. deviantart but it still makes me die inside.

4: character development is hard i never actually keep my ideas and what i have written down on like.  my actual bios for everyone on the same pace so its a confusing mess and i wish i was better at combating that

5: anon and kanon r such good loids i wish people used them more but i think a part of the problem is that i dont always look That hard for things that use them ahdbsadgashdj

6: alex is the best sdv bachelor and im not accepting criticism on that notion. 2nd best would probably be like..  sam except i havent tried hard enough to be friends with him yet which i feel bad abt bc he seems nice

7: i miss the cracking open a cold one with the boys meme that was still one of my favorites

8: (goes BACK to thinking about SR shdfjds) the anime had no right having like so many characters base their ideals off of how brade used to be in the past and all those good takes on like not necessarily Having to resort to violence as the ultimate solution and all that good stuff just to be like, “surprise!! he actually IS still around! but also he’s going to be minimally helpful at all until the last few episodes and otherwise we’re going to make a ton of gags about him trying to hit on the like 2 girls in the team who are also like 15 while he ignores practically everyone else because thats funny!” im still so mad about it. he is the absolute worst and he has no rights. there was also so much potential they seemed like they could have used and were trying to hint at using in terms of further developing more important details about the history of the inner world or at least some of the things that had been going on well before hunter ever showed up and then they didn’t do anything but hint at the idea of brade having known hunter’s grandfather. but even that wasn’t 100% confirmed bc they dodged around it the one time they had hunter ask. its a mess.

9: my taste is so fucking weird and i hate it bc its mostly just, “oh yeah i heard abt this thing and it seems cool im hoping to start getting into it soon!” for most things that are actually cool or popular or all that and never actually get into it, but then i see smth dumb as shit that i know would probably make me look like an absolute fool for liking and im like, “oh yeah yknow what i can do this one” and then i do like it but i cant say much about it either cause i dont wanna look like.   a fool.

10: these have been depressing as fuck so im gonna lighten the mood and say that himbo is a fucking hilarious word and i love it

11: also axel (kh) is a himbo. why? he just is.

12: im also bad at character design i think bc i always worry that my characters look too similar in terms of hair style like all the time and idk if its rlly that bad or not jfhgkf.  that and like. so many of my characters just wear jeans and boots in terms of the lower half of their body its so unoriginal but it always works so well…

13: still disappointed in myself for having never 100%’d even 1 tlodw game. lunatic mode.. Difficult

14: i dont keep up with ace attorney fans but i hope everyone out there agrees that miles has peak vampire energies based on the way he dresses alone

15: re:zero fans have no rights only bc i only ever see ppl talking abt rem and ram like. wh..   was no one ever going to tell me about reinhard or was i just supposed to watch him get introduced in the first few eps and then fall in love w/him immediately before even finding out hes supposed to be a knight which makes him 20x better

16: leon and/or leonhart is like genuinely a good name idk why it just sounds rlly nice

17: ive had like so many technical difficulties with this site since trying to answer this i hate tumblr

18: im pretty sure im like. genuinely just gonna go mute or some shit one day cause honestly ive mostly only ever gotten worse and worse about not actually being able to say things even when i know exactly what thought im trying to say, both physically and like. online. its so weird i feel like i just cant say things. it may just be being self conscious but i restrict myself soo heavily and its WEIRD….  its like being trapped in ur thoughts and it sucks.  probably doesnt even actually mean all that much but it still makes it hard for me to accomplish anything ever which i hate.

19: despite all the titles like ssbu and all that existing for the switch i think id only want one to play the new(er) inside system games i havent had the chance to yet like the spinoff card game and rudymical and also brave dungeon but w/neville and klinsy and whoever else was dlc on that game cause obviously i own the 3ds port but also neville..  good…  i wanna see how she plays..

20: i miss when i could be passionate abt cave story it just makes me feel tired seeing it sometimes at this point but it also still holds a great significance to me so its just confusing and im not sure how i feel abt it

21: the SR novels were cowards only on account of not giving us any official design for petra but also for writing igneous like.  That.  novelverse igneous is just too bitter in general and like i get it but they couldve done a lot more with him even though he is still somewhat respectable in the end, granted its hard cause like holy shit hes so fucking mean to hunter literally who asked for that. im just glad the anime let him be somewhat more idk..  i guess sociable while still keeping a lot of the inherently essential aspects his personality had like his almost over the top loyalty to the prince and taking things like training/combat in general very seriously. its just good and animeverse igneous is so good id die for him thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[ariyadaivaris]

catsi replied to your post “i miss lucha chiropractic, and i miss mustafa’s teaming with gran and...”

oh i absolutely 100% know what you mean and agree

205 live has been putting a lot more emphasis on putting on incredible matches (with great success) but in the process i think it's lost a lot of the quirky upbeat fun attitude that made us all fall in love with it to begin with? i ALSO miss titus worldwide and seeing akira have friends, i miss seeing goofy interactions backstage like that box of flour that exploded in ariya's face that one time

and i LOVE drake, i do, but i miss the sort of open-ended free-roaming the boys had before? feuds felt a lot more personal before one person called all the shots. like the Drew vs Mustafa feud that was born out of Drew doing some dumbass shit and Mustafa being like "ahah no this will not do". like they drove their own feud and it had so much STORY. it was much more than just "grrr you were mean" "grrr yes i am fight me about it"

or the fucking Brian and Akira feud, jesus, that feud was one of my favourites in all of pro wrestling, i think? Brian teaching Akira these "lessons" via fucking with his matches and Akira finally snapping and parrotting every lesson back at Brian and then ending his whole shit with that senton thru a table. like i feel like the current 205 live would never allow that story-heavy of a feud to last as long as it did (it was like 2 months?)

this is a stupid analogy but bear with me - old 205 live felt like an open-world RPG where you can just go wherever and do whatever and in the process have wild interactions like Everything Alicia Fox Was A Part Of, or the trick or street fight, etc.. maybe the combat wasn't allowed to be as detailed as it could be to give the story room to breath but the story gave the combat DEPTH

and new 205 is like... an on-rails fps. the combat is good, it's so good, oh my god is it ever good, but there's so much focus on it that story feels lost and stuff just happens to make combat look cooler or last longer? and i still love 205 with all my heart but what made me fall in love with it to begin with and get obsessed with it was its thoughtful, deep, consistent storylines

SORRY THAT'S A LOT... i've just had the same thoughts as u of like... i love these boys SO MUCH i want their interactions to have more depth than "i have the title" "well I WANT THE TITLE..." "fight me for it!" like akira and neville's title feud wasn't akira going "i want that title!" it was titus going "YOU want that title. YOU CAN GET THAT TITLE. let me help you. let me be your friend" and neville being like "the power of friendship cannot defeat me!!"

CAT!!!!!!!!!! never ever apologize im gonna SING i love listening to you talk about 205 oh my god

you worded it PERFECTLY that analogy makes perfect sense? i absolutely feel that, it’s gotten so much more focused on technical work and, like you said, combat, but in the process it feels like...the heart of 205 has kind of gotten lost? it’s there but everything’s shut off from everything else that isn’t on the designated path and it’s so FRUSTRATING to have everything so CLOSE but so strictly separated

like....like you said, i LOVE drake, but i feel like he’s very very much Lawful Good and i love that character and i love how he interacts with the roster as a result, but he’s lawful good running 205 and 205 is very very VERY Chaotic Neutral/Good and fitting it into this alignment, things have gotten shaved off around the edges and it stings!!! there’s a thriving ecosystem of dynamics between everyone on this roster, take any two people and they’ll probably have an established dynamic (besides lince who has taken basically until now to be actually given a spotlight, and new dudes like buddy or lio) and knowing that, you can SEE them use that and weave it into their interactions and it feels so alive on such a foundational level!!!

like...talking abt mustafa v drew, you could see the story advance and you could see HOW that story changed their in-ring performances. like, the story wasn’t JUST in words, but as time went on, mustafa DID get grounded but it was exactly in the way he needed to be grounded to achieve his fullest potential! and you could SEE him learning that, you could see him incorporating technical pins into his matches, and waiting longer for risks that were more certain, instead of charging in blindly! you could see the story and characters evolve through JUST THE WAY THEY FOUGHT and its a level of storytelling that is so so so understated but its like. HOOOOLY SHIT like, it still blows me away thinking about it

like. LIKE!!! like you said, storylines lasting 2 months or more, that doesn’t feel...like something that could happen for just feuds between people who arent champions right now. the feuds that happen now are still good, but there’s a big fucking jumble of people involved in every one and that decreases the chance for individual feuds and also just...in lhp’s case it feels very much like a reason to not give lince or gran or kalisto individual character arcs which Yeah Okay Fucken Great You’re Not Sneaky, its

tony and drew having matches with gran and cedric? like, that rivalry, that was a team thing for a bit but it was enhanced because we’d seen the dynamics between these individual dudes already, and we saw that on display during matches. drew and cedric NOW, FUCK, its frustrating seeing it because on top of the FUCKING fandom shit happening lately, like, drew and cedric have a pretty significant title history already! like, its certainly been swept under the rug with the rat where he fucking belongs but cedric actually reached OUT to drew and told him that he COULD make a better 205 if he did the right thing. he was actively sympathetic towards drew and that was an interaction we never really got to see more of and that could add SUCH A DIMENSION TO THIS FEUD IF WE COULD ACKNOWLEDGE THE HISTORY 205 HAS INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF NEVER HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god my train of thought is all over the place im sorry fhdkjsd i agree with you wholeheartedly cat u worded it perfectly. christ i miss akira and titus worldwide. that arc was so good, akira trying to be alone and gradually learning to accept titus’s friendship and apollo’s concern for him, akira learning to tap when he couldn’t fight anymore instead of carrying on and breaking himself, that character arc is still the best in all of wrestling to be QUITE honest and now it feels like...akira’s alone again. akira is alone again after hideo, even, which is an arc im still a lil cross about! akira feels so...alone. and he wasn’t before. and it’s like...

akira’s support system he actively EARNED and WORKED FOR last summer, it’s all gone now. he doesn’t get to tag with mustafa or cedric or jack anymore, he doesn’t really have anyone looking out for him, he’s fighting his own battles again and it feels like everything’s just...been unravelled. and it HURTS! that story arc was EVERYTHING to me and its still my favorite an entire ass year later. and now it just...isnt there. 

i dont know. i love 205 with all my heart and it is my heart but i feel like...without matches on ppvs or on raw, their time is even more limited to prove what they can do, and its been streamlined and we dont see everyone’s antics backstage, we don’t see faces reaching out to heels, we don’t see noam and ariya bickering with lince, we don’t see akira and mustafa talking in passing before plot stuff kicks in, it just feels like...the fabric that made 205 feel like a living breathing creation and family is pulled out into just individual threads now? and i miss...when it wasn’t that

[ua-monoma]

[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like 

 1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever 

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me 

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

H

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg 

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly 

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his  sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD????  WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed

[redriivers]

          what’s up demons it’s ya girl kit, back at it again with a second trash baby, new and worse than ever ! you’ll find some information about lysander under the cut ! um just as a fair warning this shit ended up getting a lot longer than i anticipated, pls forgive me and also hmu for a brief tl;dr if you’re not feeling like reading this monstrosity ..

*.:｡ ✧( jamie dornan , 33 , he / him ) a little bird told me that they have seen lysander rivers roaming the capital, the knight from harrenhal, and loyal to house blackwood. there have been whispers that they’re candid & disciplined. however, some would say that they’re resentful & duplicitous. may the old gods and the new gods be watching over them !

           --- tw for ; murder, death, violence, all kinds of bad things .. sorry. 

ok first off some history headcanons, because technically no one ( show- )canonically holds harrenhal: after the battle for the dawn and the big bad fighting that happens at the end of asoiaf, ser bronn of the blackwater survives and finally gets his damned castle and lordship, making him lord bronn blackwater of harrenhal, which is how ( after a few generations ) lysander ends up here

as you can probably tell by his name, lysander is a bastard from the riverlands, the natural son of lord tion blackwater, fathered on the wife of his kennelmaster, an honestly dimwitted young girl renowned more for her beauty than ... anything else

anyway when she found out she was pregnant she pretty much mcLost it and raised some hell because neither lord blackwater nor her husband were gonna want to be doing shit to make sure she and her baby were safe, so she basically tapped into westerosi call-out culture n guilt-tripped/aggressively pressured lord blackwater into ensuring lysander’s safety

of course she didn’t bargain for her own safety because like i said she ain’t that smart and pretty much figured tion would take care of her but ... once she gave birth to lysander she was ‘given back’ to her husband who, obviously enraged by her infidelity, beat her to an early grave

meanwhile lysander’s father was young, had recently come into his lordship, and was as of yet unmarried, so for a few of the early years he kinda played dad to lysander ? of course he wasn’t a great dude and mostly just had lysander taught to ride and read and fight and all that, things all young boys should know etc. but then he got married and started having real life legitimate children ?

well we all know how that goes --- this new wife was concerned lysander, as the eldest son ( although still a bastard ) might present a threat to the inheritance of her own, legitimate children and tried to talk her husband into ousting him. when that didn’t work ( listen, lysander’s a strapping young lad with an obvious talent for fighting and her own children are weak lil babies which one would you rather hang out with ) she even tried to have him killed 

tbh that was fair, he was a lowkey murderous creep even as a child, but like .. he was still blossoming ok. but he definitely did kill a stableboy for taunting him and calling him a bastard, it was a pretty ... messy affair and all, and definitely didn’t help convince his father’s wife that he wasn’t gonna murder her children to claim their birthright

lmao bad shit happens at harrenhal don’t come for me ok

so after that, for everyone’s safety but also just for his own convenience, tion sends lysander off to be a squire in the service of lord blackwood

ok so this ! is where lysander turns from smol child to Evil Man .. tbh the older her gets, the more cognizant he becomes of how shitty his situation really is, and learning about all the laws of inheritance that preclude him from the lordship he believes should be his pisses him the fuck off

especially after being not so ceremoniously kicked out of his own home where he had pretty much free reign to a place where he was a squire and beholden to some other lord’s commands, he was Not Happy

but mostly he just put that anger into his training like my dude practically came out of the womb with a sword and is damned skilled with it, but also trained in most other common weapons found in the known world. that’s just what happens when you’re a lil dude with a lot of anger and some not so savory tendencies

honestly lives to fight. was knighted by brynjolf blackwood at age sixteen, one of the youngest in the realm at the time, and having grown rather close to lord blackwood’s daughter frida, became her unofficial guard / sworn sword. honestly they were pals ok he definitely felt some loyalty towards her and her father and longs to be accepted and just

doesn’t rly know how to go about that so instead of doing what a normal person does my boy just is a reckless endangerment to most of the surrounding area. he’s furious and resentful of his position and idk just there’s a lot of anger and sadness there but it aint healthy 

so he runs off and picks fights, wants to always be the one leading the charge against outlaws or brigands. even then, he’s garnering a bloody reputation, earning him some unpleasant ( but lbr badass ) nicknames idk. some ppl call him lysander the red --- he doesn’t hate that tbh. loves the ghost of harrenhal makes him feel ~*~special~*~

 other ppl call him the blackwater bastard. he’s less happy abt that. 

definitely stabhappy. will fight a bitch.. this gets him into some trouble ok like for a while the blackwoods mind their own business and turn a blind eye to the increasingly shitty stuff he gets up to. really, they’re all too happy to have someone skilled doing the dirty work they’d rather not ( listn ok it’s good to have a mad dog on a leash ) but eventually when he seriously wounds a visiting lordling while sparring --- the wound festers, costs the young lord an arm, and rumors abound that lysander’s blade was poisoned --- there’s really no more excuses or second chances

despite an obvious bond with frida, brynjolf still sends lysander away after that ( bc he’s a lil shitstain tbh ) but what he doesn’t know is ... ooooooh it was rly frida who had him sent away, her dad just did the sending

i tbh still need to figure out exactly how old he was when this happened, but idk since then i imagine he’s mostly been making a fucking nuisance of himself in and around the seven kingdoms ? sleeping around, killing dudes, having fun. he’s a big fan of the killing dudes bit idk .. been creeping around the rainwood, the dornish marches, and more recently the kingswood. killin’ outlaws . “protecting people from outlaws” is a great way to cover up just havin fun fighting n stealing from ppl i guess. he makes a few ‘friends’ doing this too, a brotherhood of unsavory, selfish little fucks tbh but oh well, a friends’ a friend

since this everyone and half their damned household came to king’s landing, all the major roadways and passages to the capital have been teeming with outlaws and brigands hoping to steal from these lords and ladies, and right there behind them is lysander and his merry band of murderers ready to kill these thieves, then steal what they had stolen, and then lie through their damned teeth and pretend they never found shit

so yeah this whole big celebration thing is pretty lucrative for him idk he’s having fun, doing his thing, ready to either kill or die at any minute i Guess

anyway like his app says he’s loyal to house blackwood and altho he lowkey maybe still is in some ways, he’s mostly loyal to himself. he’s like a videogame character idk ready to do any kind of sidequest if u pay him enough, but he is Not a good person at all and loves him some torture tbh. can be charming when he wants to be, and goal-oriented and disciplined enough that he can easily come across as the good dutiful soldier but bish he ain’t

highkey wants harrenhal. that’s his #lifegoal but ofc that’s not super easy to achieve. pretty much impossible tbh but hey a boy can dream

so that’s lysander .. honestly if u made it to the end of this fucking thing i applaud u. what a monstrosity smh...

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@lanvinlouis THANK YOU for these beautiful truthful asks and the chance to talk more about how Jeremy Is Valid

honestly i'm h e e r e .......................................................for jeremy...like from the opening number it makes it obvious that what jeremy's after isn't really anything like popularity or coolness in and of itself, he just wants like, the chance to be okay lol....really he's like, actively suffering, and he wants whatever it is he needs to change that. it isn't that he's like, inherently jealous of popularity or coolness or whatever and he's just interested in status for the sake of his own ego, it's that he feels like whenever he's just existing and trying to get from point A to point B, he's drawing this antagonism and contempt and he can't manage to change his situation on his own. and like it's not just that school is fucked up for him b/c he's already like "everything sucks" before he's even left his bedroom at the start of the day like. he's unhappy with his whole life, and now he's basically at this point where he doesn't feel like that's going to change either thanks to or independently of his own efforts, and like, that's bad....just like, in general, when somebody feels like their life NEEDS to change but that there's no chance it will, they're pretty much having an ongoing crisis for as long as that lasts. and like yeah jeremy's dealing with all these issues and is like, taking it day by day trying to go through it like it's a routine, but not only is the "things will change eventually" in doubt for him but like also his ability to actually just tolerate it indefinitely is also in doubt, even though he's been dealing with it for a long time, the problems have probably gotten worse and more numerous and then yknow meanwhile he's probably feeling less hope about things than he might've back in say middle school and such

like, he's desperate enough to actually consider the super weird advice of the guy who bullies him i guess every day. cuz like he sings right off the bat that he wants someone to help him after his own efforts fail yet again and rich is telling him about the squip right after his lowered expectations have fallen even further and, yknow, jeremy definitely is feeling like things can't change even if he tries and that he does need some external source of help and as far as he can tell, the possibility of getting a working squip is the one chance he has...and like even though it's mentioned fairly briefly i think it's efficiently established that his parents' fairly recent divorce is really pushing him to feel even worse / more desperate for something to change things up cuz like, his mom's left and his dad's not literally absent but like, is more absent. and then also jeremy's seeing his dad as being in a similar place as he is and seeing that as evidence that yeah, things might not ever change. and jeremy wants to (tell himself he can) just move on and skip being upset and just accept it as is and his dad's not facilitating that facade and jeremy resents that a bit too

anyways yeah michael!! i know ppl have already talked abt him maybe not being very empathetic and it sure does seem to fit just fine w the material and the sorts of patterns of him engaging w jeremy.........like it definitely seems as though probably the situation he and jeremy are in is that like, they're both p much settled in to the routine of high school and the approach is to just get through the day and then they can retreat to either of their houses and hang out and have things be fine there. and i think the way michael sees it is that since he's the one who's not really stressing out about things being miserable and he's got the perspective that it's all okay since they appreciate each other and college will be way better, that means jeremy would be able to feel the same way about things if he just listened to michael and adopted that same perspective. whereas jeremy's feeling like those things aren't enough to make him feel okay, and when he complains and michael has the advice to just pretty much forget about it, that's just gonna seem like michael's not offering him anything that could actually help, because their friendship alone can't make up for everything else, and he can't tolerate two more years and knowing that things might be better then don't change what he's dealing with currently. like, i think the both of them just feel like the other just isn't listening to him lol....but like i do also think that michael sort of suspects that jeremy's really not doing so great and that his own advice is inadequate, because he does seem to understand pretty easily how/why jeremy wants to actually try to get a squip.

oh yeah and that even michael's light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel Guys Like Us Are Cool In College thing is of limited comfort because it's really just more of the same. like, that they'll still just be at the mercy of this social judgment, but when they get to college it'll happen to be in their favor. and that comes up when they fight and jeremy points this out how michael Loves To Feel Superior based on his own set of coolness standards. and, you know, speaking of what they Say with regard to how some of michael's shortcomings / weaknesses played into the squiptuation, even in mitb the lyric "but through no fault of mine" suggests more that this is defensive and he maybe does suspect that he factored into it a little bit, versus the lyric just being there to be interpreted as an objective peer-reviewed Fact in the middle of this purely emotional one-person-perspective song. it's not as though it's michael's fault or that it's a bad thing that he didn't know how to help jeremy perfectly or that because he might've been selfish in some ways he deserves to lose jeremy entirely. and tbh the stuff michael said even played into jeremy's decision to block him out / leave him behind, because of how michael's take on the problem of them being Uncool was that all they could do was embrace being losers and wait it out. so when jeremy was trying to change things, michael was set up to not only be a symbol of how things used to be, but based on the things michael always told jeremy, he's also seeing michael as a symbol of things being unable to change. and he does still care about him and all and like, doesn't even want to cut him out, but he's so convinced that his own judgment and feelings are useless that he's ignoring the fact he doesn't want to. and when he fights with michael at the party, jeremy's defensive b/c his misgivings abt his squip are kind of only making him more desperate to believe it's still okay, and also he's just in a bad place for anything much less to have an argument, and michael's kind of adding in this bitterness just about being left behind that isn't helping his other points come through as mere genuine concern. like, of course he's right to be hurt, but jeremy's also right to feel hurt by michael even if michael wasn't making the choices that led to the situation. they're mad at each other and they end up fighting once again in the play Because of the fact that they love each other and they want more than to be disappointed by the other.

and ugh yeah loser geek whatever............just kill me, every time i listen to it it's such a fuckin journey through the emotions of it all and. yknow it's like they say, it's sort of a Victorious Powerful Anthem because jeremy's definitively choosing to take action to change his life, even if he's feeling swept up in that change. but he's also only able to make that choice because he really thinks so little of himself that he's taking the self-contradictory stance of "i have to entirely stop caring about how i feel if i want to achieve my goal of Feeling Good About My Life" and deciding that yeah, his own thoughts and judgment are worthless, and he's choosing to totally accept the guidance of this entity that tells him that his life sucks because everyone sees him as disgusting and awful and they're right to feel that way about him. like he's finding it that easy to accept that he just objectively sucks and that even something so inherent as his sense of what's painful or bad is just wrong, because that's how deep his flaws run. and like yeah again he acknowledges that he's being selfish right there in the lyrics, but that's not exactly meant to be like, he's acknowledging that he's also being Evil And Wrong, because technically wanting himself to be happy is selfish, and that's not bad. he just thinks that the squip is the only way he can maybe be happy, and the only way for the squip to work is if he listens to it, and he can only listen to it if he accepts that it's right about everything including how he's horrible and he can never do things right on his own etc etc etc etc. like, he obviously didn't really expect the squip to be like "you're too gross to live" but it was really not that difficult for the squip to convince him that it was right. he hates himself a lot lol.....

also just, as something generally applicable, it's also no wonder that jeremy's often frustrated with everything and that it bleeds into stuff he says and does and the choices he makes being possibly not the most thought-through or Objective, and how can lose his patience sometimes. like he's out here with his flaws and weaknesses just like anybody else, and it's miscommunication too that's leading to Conflicts / making him feel alone

anyways sorry it took me a few days to answer that and frankly this Could be longer.......neither has anything to do with how much i like getting long messages and answering with long messages and supporting and discussing jeremy heere, b/c i like all of that A Lot, @ me about it at absolutely any time and at any length

[ludowoods]

advice that really mattered to me for games/cg

hello! i said i'd write up a quick thing on my experience going to school for games/art and a little bit abt how u can potentially increase ur chances of landing a job. i’m really excited to have started working on spiderm@n ps4 at insomni@c games this week, and i kind of wanted to pass on some useful general advice that a lot of people have shared with me in case u might also find it helpful!

general advice!?

if you're interested in it, make games! make games outside of school. portfolios with really solid projects (especially personal projects) stand out.

if you are interested in one part of games find resources or assets showing off that one part of games you're really good at. you don't need to have a whole game to show off your sick rigs

the most important portfolio advice i've ever received: the weakest work in your portfolio is what directors judge you by. it's showing not only your skill but your taste. when you put work in your portfolio, you're saying, "hey this is good!" if the work is actually weak then art directors are like "oh, you must think that's really good." your personal standard matters. (related story: an art director confessed he's hired people with 2 pieces of work in their portfolio before.)

if you're interested in applying for a certain position, make sure everything in your portfolio is saying you're very good at that certain thing. trim the fat unless you're a generalist. if you did rigging once and aren't interested in doing that there's no reason that should be in your portfolio. your portfolio is your personal voice and should tell a viewer what you want to do. if you have 5 scattered things and not a lot of effort into one in particular, directors will wonder if you really know what you want to do. figure that out first (really! take your time with it) and make sure your portfolio says that.

on that note: try different roles. try scripting, vfx, rigging, lighting, drawing, etc. you might learn the one thing you thought you wanted to do might not be as cool and fit for you as the thing you haven't tried yet. there's a lot of things in games/film that aren't super accessible, so if you have the resources give different things a whirl.

show people your games/art and implement their feedback. be gracious. an important part of this industry is being able to understand and sort through feedback that's useful and will help you toward your goal. it's also important to understand when you might have to implement feedback (of... clients...) against what you might believe is best for the project

for games going to industry conferences is really one of the best shots you have at getting relevant feedback on your work, and it is definitely how i landed my current gig. there are lots of scholarships + opportunities for attending GDC and my best advice is take advantage of them if you can. go to talks + meetups for the things you’re interested in, introduce yourself to strangers (if it’s acceptable in the current situation), ask hiring companies for feedback on your portfolio (get a cheap tablet and load all ur images or gifs on it), and collect business cards from everyone you talk to. this is just common sense stuff but i think it’s the best way to get a foothold in this industry.

someone asked what majors + subjects are most important/fundamental to creating good art. i think honestly one of the most important things to me is being both familiar with the work standards of the industry you're in (looking at lots of art + games daily, understanding why this art or game is good or not good, understanding industry expectations for the roles you're interested working in) and also really being into something outside of that industry. i think the most incredible work i see in games are by creators who have an incredible curiosity or invested passion abt something that isn't games. (honestly........ i'm rly bored of games made by ppl who only ever think abt games. YOU CAN TELL...) i think games as an expression of that fascination with a non-games thing is rly refreshing...... ok now this is just a personal take but that's my opinion.

on that note! a couple people asked how to get your work noticed. i don't know honestly? i think to me a personal voice is very important. think about the thing you really want to do, the content you're really interested in, the visual aesthetics you're inspired by... i think ""style"" is an overused term at this point but i think having a personal understanding of these things and being honest about it really shows in your work and gives it voice. like the above point too you should really think about things outside of your field. like it's totally cool to be REALLY INTO GAMES and all your work is sotc homages or something. but even looking at the influences of sotc like mayan architecture and researching latin american art i think will enrich your work.

also on being noticed: present your work well and post consistently. if you're working on a game, you should be keeping a devlog and documenting what you've worked on and what you'll be doing next. i don't think i have to say much on art for this bc other ppl have said it better than me but yeah.

i wanted to write a bit abt my experience with RIT's 3D program— it could change in a few years or ppl around me might've felt v differently. i'm v privileged to have had this opportunity, and i was able to take advantage of a lot of resources but sometimes i kind of wish i could've gotten a little more.

school: what went well

i experimented and learned things outside what i thought i wanted to go into. it gave me the chance to put aside my previous goals (visdev) and try something i couldn't have pictured myself doing (technical art).

i was able to seek help from departments outside of my art program and learn deeper technical skills. i'm really grateful to a lot of professors in the interactive/games/media department bc they had lot of industry experience to share as well.

i had meaningful mentorship from multiple professors who could offer not only technical pointers but also an experienced perspective on career and life.

my professors have been great references in my getting a job and have also referred me to colleagues for positions.

art foundations classes kicked my ass and in a good way. i think people around me learned crit skills also.

school: definitely a personal beef here but what i hoped would be better...

i didn't always feel challenged by my peers. for school, i think having support and being challenged by your peers is an important part of the experience. i kind of wish someone else did similar work to me in my program or work i would aspire be as good as. however, a lot of the work from my graduating class doesn't rly impress me. i don't feel like i got great crit from the majority of my peers after my junior year.

my program didn't have any game industry experienced professionals. while i could go to the games school for answers, i didn't have any concept of this field until i started my minor my junior year. i kind of feel like i got a late start on the education that really mattered to me.

the job/coop office for my department is Terrible. the white guy working there has no concept of how our field works and once held a seminar to complain to everyone in our major that it was our fault he didn't know how to do his job. when we made suggestions and told him what we needed, he refused to listen and even yelled at us that it didn't work like that. i was on my own for finding my current job— and it doesn't mean i hated it or didn't try, but my cat helped me more than the job office in landing a job. none of the job fairs at this school are game (especially art LOL... ur prob fine if youre dev) related, and some of the professional opportunities (free professional conference admission) for the field offered by the games school aren't open to the 3D major. i was very lucky that i won a GDC scholarship my senior year because i planned to pay that out of pocket (and for remaining expenses i still did).