#so i try not to react instinctively negatively to things that are not meant for my perspective of judgement if that makes sense

[vairiance]

They really nailed the streamer aspect of Iono because she really annoyed me! Lmao

I strongly dislike streaming culture when it's about like, harassing people in public for views, but when it's just generic public figure stuff I don't really mind it, although this is mostly in theory because I don't watch any streams of any kind.

I don't really have a strong stake in it one way or another but, I tend not to mind content creators like that so long as they're not harming anyone, indirectly or otherwise. I know that's a bit of a serious take for a fictional Pokemon streamer lol, but I'm very sensitive to people reacting negatively towards harmless content creation just because.

To be clear it's not that deep, I'm sure characters like this can just be annoying because you just find them annoying and that's totally fine, this is just how I think about it.

[animelovelover123]

DMC: Family Pet AU – Habits Die Hard (Part 2/2)

Link to Master List [Links to other parts can be found in master list.]

Set-Up

Growing up in your colony where any of your people could be, and were, snatched up any moment to serve a family, you were taught from birth what to expect when you were eventually taken. How to please, how to survive, and how to ride out any possible abuse. The latter two things were of no use to you though as the Sparda family took exceptional care of you and would not inflict serious punishment past a stern talking to. But for the first year, you couldn’t quite shake off your colony’s warnings and teachings, some being cute, some being bad, some being sad.

Lady

“Alright guys, we need to talk about Lady.” Nico said, smacking her hand down on Dante’s desk like a gavel in court.

“Ya, she’s been acting wired lately.” Nero agreed, leaning his hip against Dante’s desk with his arms crossed.

“I’d say,” Dante started, sitting up straight in his chair looking almost fearful. “I joked that I couldn’t pay my debt to her this month, and she said, ‘it’s fine’.”

“Holy shit.”

“It’s more serious than we thought.”

“I have an idea of what’s wrong.” Trish said casually as she ran her fingers through your hair, her long nails giving your scalp a pleasant scratch. Trish was sitting atop Dante’s desk with you standing beside her, leaning towards her a bit, enjoying the affection while listening. “Just to make sure, what’s today’s date?”

“Ah, it’s that time of the month, is it?” Dante jokes. Trish rolls her eyes, Nico giggles a little, and Nero ignores him while announcing the date.

“Thought so.” Trish gives you a few good scratches to distract you and herself from the imminent sour mood. “Today is the anniversary of her mother’s murder.”

The room falls quiet, a silence that is both empty yet filled with understanding. The cold silence was eventually broken when Lady’s motorcycle could be heard driving up to Devil May Cry and right into the garage. Dante, Nico, and Nero all tensed up while Trish focused on petting you to try and keep you both relaxed.

“Oh, you’re all here.” Lady said plainly, her voice distant and her eyes dead-looking. “Nico, Nero, do you mind if I borrow your tools? Something is wrong with my muffler.”

The whole time Lady spoke, the group was silent and ridged, as if one false move would cause an explosion. Nero muttered a ‘sure’ while Nico only nodded. As soon as Lady returned to the garage, they all leaned in and started muttering in a panic.

“Oh my god, I’ve never seen her like that.”

“What do we do? Can we even help?”

“We should at least try to talk to her.”

“Hell no, I don’t feel like getting shot to high heaven today.”

“But you have known her the longest out of all of us here, Dante.”

“True, but I don’t think it should be me.”

“Don’t be such a pussy. She ain’t that scary.”

“Hey, you haven’t been on the other side of her Kalina-Ann. Besides, what I meant is that I don’t think I have the right to help her through grieving for her mother. Sure, I thought I lost my folks for a few years, but I got them back. I don’t feel like I have the right to talk about dead parents.”

“Okay then, Trish, you’ve known her the second longest.”

“Don’t look at me, I don’t even have parents. You two have actually lost your mothers.”

“I never knew my mom.”

“And I almost pissed my pants when Lady rolled up so there ain’t no way I’m gettin’ in there.”

As the four bicker about what to do, your attention drifts. Your species of demon was built to serve love and affection to families, so it was instincts that compelled you to sneak away from the group and slip into the garage where Lady was working. Lady glanced at you over her shoulder, checking who it was before reacting negatively or neutrally.

“Hey sunshine.” She said dryly, returning to working on her bike. “I’m not really in the mood to talk right now.”

“That’s okay. You mind if I stay in here with you though?” You ask, not approaching further into her space until she gives the okay. She looks at you wearily, contemplating telling you to leave but not having the drive to do much of anything right now other than work.

“Sure, if you’d like.” She turned away from you and didn’t glance back your way for the next half hour as she kept working. The four outside did not bother the two of you once they realized that you had gone in and were not immediately kicked out, now trusting you to handle the situation. You sat in silence with her, not encroaching on her personal space but giving off a calming and soothing aura and just being there for her. Though she did not say anything, you could see how Lady began to relax a bit over time from her locked-up, cold focus to something sadder and more thoughtful. Even if you weren’t talking, your presence was like a gentle hand on her shoulder. A hand that didn’t push her forward or hold her back, one that was just there in solidarity and support.

Eventually, she stood up and walked over to you where you were sitting on one of the work benches. She looked down at you, her blank expression and cold eyes now replaced with a sad, almost pleading look. Without needing to be asked, you wrap your arms around Lady and press up against her, nuzzling into her and purring softly to soothe her. She instantly reciprocated, winding her arms around you and holding you close as she began to cry softly.

Trish

You had spent the last hour wondering Sparda’s mansion. No one had called for you and though you had been taught by your colony to stay within your chamber (if you were lucky enough to have one) until requested, you had been given permission to explore common areas freely. It had taken quite a bit of assurance from the family for you to feel comfortable enough to wonder.

This was only your second exploration trip and you had not ventured far from your room. You were looking up at some large painted portraits, some of past generations and some of the still living family. It was, so far, the only time you got to see all of your family in formal clothing as they were dressed up for the family portraits. Some looked natural in such luxurious outfits, such as Credo and Kyrie, whereas others looked a bit out of place, like Dante and Lady, and others looked like they had been stuffed into a weird costume against their will, poor Nero and Nico.

Your gazing is interrupted when you hear the sound of approaching steps, heels clipping loudly on the stone flooring.

“What a waste of time.” Grumbled Trish as she threw the doors to the hall open. She looked a bit frazzled, some of her hair stuck out from its usual slicked-back style, a couple of the strings on her corset top were loose and broken, and her make-up faded. Her brows were curved down in annoyance and she clicked her nails against her thumbnail out of stress. When her eyes landed on you though, her perturbed mood broke. “Kitten!” She smiles tiredly and quickly approaches you. “Come here baby, I’ve had a hard day and need some love and care.” She grabs you and pulls you into an embrace. She tucks your head under her chin, as she is a fair bit taller than you, and starts stroking your head, scratching behind one of your ears. And when her other hand snakes around your waist, your teaching of expecting to be lifted and carried to where you are wanted kicks in.

You wrap your arms around Trish’s neck and lift your legs. Trish stumbles forward at the sudden weight in her arms but catches herself before she falls forward.

“What are you doing kitten?” She asks with a chuckle, clearly not upset, just confused and a bit amused.

“I’m sorry, I assumed you wanted to carry me.” You explain as you start to lower your feet back to the floor.

“Aww~” Trish coos, quickly grabbing your legs and wrapping them around her hips. She could easily lift you, the stumble before being just because she wasn’t expecting it. “Such a cutie. Of course I want to hold you.” Once your legs are fastened around her curves, she wraps one arm around you to hold you to her and starts running her fingers through your hair, scratching your scalp with her long nails pleasantly. “How about we go back to your room where I can rant about my day while we cuddle, kitten? But first, I know where Sparda keeps his expensive champagne and sweets.”

Dante

The Basilisk dies with a flash of fire as Dante slices it in two. As you run out of your hiding place Dante watches the mixture of mechanical parts, human energy, and demon sludge spill out of the Basilisk into the snow.

“And they say beauty is on the inside, but you guys are ugly inside and out.” He jokes to the corpse. When you saddle up beside him and look down at the demon he just mocked, you notice its canine-like attributes. Your tail sags and your ears flop. Dante notices this. “Oh, no baby, that doesn’t apply to you.” He turns to you and ruffles your hair, giving a little scratch behind one of your dog-like ears so it perks up a bit. “You’re the cutest demon around. As for on the inside…” He scans your body, top to bottom and back, and smirks. "Well, I hope your insides are as good as your outsides." He gives you a flirtatious wink. He turns away, chuckling to himself at your pink cheeks and his own line, while your mind starts to race.

That was a come on right? When he said ‘insides’ he meant inside your… Right, okay, you have been trained to pick up on these things by your colony. Dante wants to have sex. This would be your first time together and doing it out here on a snowy mountain will be… an interesting experience. But this is one of your main duties as a family Pet.

It didn’t take long for Dante to notice that you weren’t following him. “Babe?” He turns around to find you halfway undressed, pants doped to the snow below, coat off, and shirt in the process of being pulled over your head. “Whoa there!” Dante rushes over to you. He grabs the hem of your shirt and pulls it back down, easily outmatching you in strength as you try to pull it up and off. “What are you doing babe? I know I make you all hot and bothered but this isn’t how you deal with it.” He jokes, holding your shirt in place as you try to tug it up again.

“But you made that comment about my insides. That was an innuendo, right?”

“It was. Good job on picking up on the joke.” When you let go of your shirt Dante lets go as well to instead kneel. He picks up your pants pooled around your feet in the snow and starts sliding them back up your legs.

“So that means you want sex, right?” You say in all seriousness. Dante pauses for a moment, then lets out a hearty laugh.

“No baby, it’s just me being me. I’m not actually asking for sex right here, right now.” Dante says as he does up your pants for you, an amused grin on his face. He then grabs your coat, stands, and throws it around your shoulders. “And you better get used to these kinds of jokes because I don’t think it would be good for either of us if you try stripping in public every hour.”

Kyrie

You snuck through the dark hallways towards the kitchen trying your best to be quiet, but you couldn’t tell how much noise you were making because your heart was pounding in your ears. You had been taught to do this by your colony. Had spent hours of your life training to steal food from your eventual family. Yet, like many things, when actually in the situation all of your confidence and knowledge disappears. It also didn’t help that the circumstances you were in were not why your colony had given you these skills. The point of being taught how to steal food was so that if a Pet’s family was so cruel and/or uncaring that they refused to feed them, then the Pet could take enough food to keep themselves alive without causing alarm. You, however, were never denied food. It was just that you had a busy day and went for a nap. You slept right through dinner time and woke up at 6 in the morning. No one was awake but your stomach felt like it was collapsing in on itself. You needed to eat, so here you were, sneaking around the kitchen in the dark, looking for food that you could take bits of without it being noticeable.

“Oh!”

The startled yelp took you by surprise and, knowing that you had been caught, you instinctually ran and hid under the table in the corner of the kitchen.

“My goodness.” Came the still frazzled sigh of Kyrie. “I’m sorry if I startled you.” She approached the table and got down on her knees so she could look at you. “You must have been looking for something to eat. Come, let’s have a snack together.” She offers you her hand and a gentle smile, but you pull away from it, backing up as far into the corner the table was in as you can. Her smile falters a bit. She did not look angry or hurt, more so sympathetic and understanding, as if you were an injured animal growling at the humans trying to help you.

She did not try to force you out, nor did she encroach further. Instead, she stood back up and went to work. She had wrapped up your portion of dinner when you didn’t wake up for food last night and now she was reheating it. Once it, and a drink, was ready, she placed them on the floor I’m the middle of the kitchen.

“These are for you. Eat when you are ready.” Kyrie then went about preparing a cup of tea for herself and started on breakfast preparations. She did not hover around the food, guard it, or even look at it as she knew that may frighten you off. She kept her eyes on her own work, though she did smile when she heard you exit from under the table and start eating. She finally looked at you when you brought her your empty plate and thanked her. She pets you and praises you.

“Well done, finishing all of your food.” Her gentle petting stopped as she slid her slender hand down the side of your face so she could caress your cheek. “But please, don’t feel like you need to sneak around for food. You are free to eat whatever you want.” She pulls your faces closer so she can lay her forehead against yours. “But if you feel uncomfortable with that, then know that you can come to me whenever. No matter the time, all you need to do is find me and I will make you whatever you want.”

Vergil

You hear nothing as you finally answer Vergil’s call, his office in The Order’s headquarters plagued was a deafening silence and oppressive stillness. Your family mark had been pulsing for a good 45 minutes, informing you that Vergil was calling for your audience. It took you 10 minutes just to force your sick body to respond. Your head was pounding, your body felt like it was both on fire and freezing, your nose was stuffed, and your limbs were heavy. Still, you answered the call because your colony taught you that if you failed to appear when requested you would be punished harshly.

“Finally.” Vergil said, his quiet, frustrated tone booming in the silent room. “As the Sparda family Pet, I expect more from you.” He snaps before turning around. His expression is cold and judgmental, but when he finally sees the state you are in his brow raises in curiosity and subtle shock.

“I’m sor-“ Before you can even give an apology, Vergil waves off your attempt.

“You are ill.” He states, taking your current state as a good enough reason to be late. Though why you came at all was another issue. “Why did you not respond to my signal with one of your own? You should have informed me that you were unfit to serve.” He watches you closely, studies how you hesitate to answer and shrink away at his seemingly angry demeanour, though he simply naturally came off as angry. He quickly found his answer. “But that would go against the training of your people, would it not?” He scoffs without letting you answer. “Foolish. You are of no use in this state.”

Vergil then turns away from you and calls for members of The Order. Within seconds a trio enters his office and give him a salute, which he does not return. Instead, he starts giving orders. “One of you, call for a nurse. The other two, lead my pet to my resting quarters. See that they rest and provide them with whatever they require. And make sure to keep me updated on any changes to their condition. And if any of my family come to take them, see that my family speaks with me first.” The look in Vergil’s eyes makes it clear that he would not so much ‘speak’ with his family as ‘shoo them away’ so they would not disturb your recovery.

[alovelyburn]

do you think guts would still forgive griffith even after everything he did? and for 'everything' I mean casca's rape too

I said what I said!

Longer answer: I mean, yeah. I've written somewhat extensively about my belief that Guts would absolutely forgive Griffith if given a decent reason to (by which I mean validation and remorse). Obviously when I wrote those things I was aware of the full events of the Eclipse, and aware that Guts is aware of them, so yeah, I do. That doesn't mean he will, that's all down to plot turns.

If you're tripping over "but what about the rape' then I'm not sure I can really bridge that gap for you, but...

Guts' level of anger is never linked to moral outrage, it's linked to how hurt he feels, and that can be very variable. We've already seen that he's capable of letting go of it because that was literally his first instinct upon seeing Griffith in his humanesque form, he just talked himself back into being mad. But even then when Griffith showed up he spent half the time trying to wring remorse out of him. We also know via Miura's comment that the Eclipse would eventually lose its sting for him if Casca weren't around, point being we also know he can and would let go of it if the wound weren't constantly being kept open. Which brings me to the next point, which is...

A large part of the reason he holds onto Casca is explicitly about his not wanting to let go of Griffith. This already lays out pretty clearly that Griffith is ultimately his priority. Not to say he doesn't care about Casca, but what I'm saying is that if his investment in her and holding onto his anger about her and the Hawks is largely about not wanting to let go of Griffith, then obviously if he had Griffith that reduces his motivation to hold onto those things. Also...

He came very close to repeating the assault on her himself (and worsening since he apparently was driven to follow it up by biting her head off) specifically so that he would feel closer to/more deeply connected to Griffith. Literally repeated since both physically and mentally he was copying Femto's specific actions. Did he hate it about himself and take steps to prevent it from recurring? Absolutely, but it doesn't change that this is something about him that exists to be hated and controlled to begin with.

A lot of this just comes down to the way Guts reaches his point of outrage - it's all about how he feels about the person doing the thing and the person having the thing done to them. Guts has a hierarchy of value associated with people in his head - he'll let hundreds die to save someone he likes, and then let that person die to save someone he likes more than them. Does anyone doubt that he'd throw most of his current companions under the bus if it meant say bringing the Hawks back or saving Casca's life? Hierarchy of value. And at the top of the value pack is, and has always been, Griffith. Finally...

You can see how much his level of investment in people colors his reactions to what they do just by looking at the way he reacts to Gambino. This man abused him for years, sold him out to be raped and then tried to kill him and Guts still was never able to hate him, or stop loving him, or forgive himself for accidentally killing him. I submit that the only person he has ever valued as much as or more than Gambino... is Griffith.

That third one is huge to me, though. Because Guts isn't someone who casually goes around sexually assaulting people - even when he gets out of hand with Casca, he pulls back as soon as she reacts negatively. Yet there he was. And I'm not saying people can't be mad at other people for doing things they did, my point is the entire reason for the assault was to feel closer to/more tied to Griffith. In other words, he was willing to destroy her in order to be closer to him. That being the case, I can't fathom that he wouldn't be willing to get closer to Griffith without destroying her if given the opportunity to do so.

[shamrock313]

Ev and Nat's Current Energy - June 11, 2024. This is the day after they were spotted in SOHO NY.

So, I had the urge to use my first deck, which is Major arcana only because the artist I bought them from added some bonus cards that are meant to be perceived however you will. So, I went in with a vision of pulling a major and two minors. This made it less chaotic, but not entirely. I want to note a couple things before hand. One of the bonus cards is named Lady Suneku and she is a Geisha, but also Medusa as she has snakes for hair. The Medusa can be seen as a high priestess in tarot, but a bit edgier. She is danger that combats danger. Evil that combats Evil. Basically, she could be good or bad depending on how hard you need your ass kicked. She came out reversed at one point and I will talk about it. But she is the one card I still can't quite put my finger on, so maybe Shamrock, Admin or Positive have some insights? Or anybody else with experience? The second thing I want to say is, I attempted to take all my major arcana out of my new deck so I could pull just minor and I ended up missing a couple cards. And let me tell you ,they wanted to let me know!

What is the current romantic Energy?

Moon Rev, 4 of Cups, 7of Cups Rev

The Moon (R): touches on "deception to spare feelings" But also says it's release of fear and working through anxieties. So I think that Evan has been holding back his fears and anxieties in order to either spare Natalie's feelings or spare his own feelings if she would react in a negative way. Some rumors about dates and Haley kind of lead me to believe he has had negative feedback in the recent past when trying to be open and is afraid it will happen with Nat. I think he's trying to let go of that.

4C: Boredom and indifference in love. But, make sure these feelings are not coming from a gut instinct to protect yourself. He is not connecting with her because he's scared he will get too close and get hurt once again. And I hear "once again" in a sarcastic way. Like ooooh great, this again!

7C Rev: chaotic and confusing love life, lack of clarity about what you want and avoiding romantic decisions. This card is reversed and it touches on developing awareness and taking steps. So I think it's pretty cut and dry. He's aware of what he needs to do and he's trying and I think she is encouraging.

What Else do I need to know? with focus on Natalie.

So here, I tried to pull One major and four fell out. So after that I tried to pull one minor for each and ended up with seven, of which I had three fall out together and one shoot out and hit my wall. (So that's what I mean by, less chaotic but not entirely)

Majors: The Fool, The Lovers, The Sun, Wheel of Fortune

Fool: I feel like this is the fools journey. Or, I feel like it's telling me nat is being a bit foolish and naive. Maybe due to trying to change herself for him. It also represents faith that everything will work out. And willingness to take risks. So, not surprisingly, she took a risk, if they did in fact meet for the first time at Coachella, and she has major faith it will work out. Can't blame her. She is holding on for dear life. I would too!

Lovers: Making a choice to commit to love, possibly over something else in your life. Family/Friends/Lifestyle. She might be getting backlash from outside parties, or this is where she is committed to making sacrifices in her life to make this work. Example being she is trying to force herself to be interested in things she is not at all interested in for Evan.

Sun: Happy, optimistic, harmony, feeling radiant. I think Evan makes her feel all of these things. At the same time this could be her just staying optimistic. Honestly, good for her.

Wheel Of Fortune: This is where it gets a bit iffy. Because I got "making changes to come closer together" but I also got "It's not forever, the wheel is always turning". This could mean the relationship or it could mean there will be constant change to try to make it work. I'm not sure if that's good or bad yet.

Here's where it gets fucking interesting and I'm getting some of the same answers Shamrock did, but days apart.

Minor: 2 of Swords, 6 of Swords Rev, 2 of Cups, 5 of Swords/King of Cups/6 of Pents (these fell out together), 8 of Pents (flew and hit my wall)

2S: Something is blocking one of them from resolving their issues. Then I got "choosing between two lovers or work." This is interesting because Shamrock picked up on this. She wasn't sure which one it was either. Maybe he is talking to others. Maybe he has a new project coming up and knows he can't concentrate on the relationship. I also got avoiding the attempt to make the choice and understanding the world can't make the choice for you. Somebody is avoiding conflict (wonder who) and hoping things will naturally resolve itself (uhhhh, thats not how life works, bud)

6S Rev: Can't let go of the past, perhaps a toxic ex. This could be true for both Ev and Nat. Someone has more trouble with this (guessing Ev) he knows it's healthier for him and the romance if he can let go, but he still feels compelled to pull back and not give his all.

2C:Working as a team to have a mutual relationship. Obviously if they just try to talk it out and work together they can make this relationship successful.

5S/KC/6P: Getting back together and forgiving. Finding a compromise. Having compassion and emotional maturity going forward. Kindness and generosity and supporting each other's goals and emotions. I mean this is a great combo and would really like to see this for them.

8P: This coincides with the combo. Cultivating your love through connection. Achieving relationship goals. Getting to know and appreciate all sides of your partner. Now, considering what I asked next, I think this could be something that could happen so long as they take the steps they need to take.

If Everyday Was Like The Day This Picture Was Taken

This is where the major fell out when I asked for minor and how I realized I missed it when I was making an attempt at taking them out. Another card that Shamrock got. This is me attempting the Major/2 Minor spread.

Major: Chariot: This is where 2 urges come up again. Before I thought he was fighting between just plain old sexy sex and a love connection. This may still be where his headspace is at currently. I also got taking control of your love life and letting confidence, courage and drive help you.

Note: this is where my emotions started to come in. It shocked me. I got a mini stack fall out of my deck when I started to shuffle my minors. I put it back in and I started saying out loud "it's ok sweetie, just tell me what you need to tell me. Everything is going to be ok. Take a deep breath and give me one thing at a time" uhhhh, ok. I kept repeating it with terms of endearment, calling my cards " honey, sweetie, baby" I don't even use those words with my husband. We are just not like that. I mean, I have a very soft spot in my heart for Evan, and maybe I would speak to him that way to comfort him, but I honestly feel like I was tuning in to how Nat tries to talk to him. ❤️

So here is where I tried to pull minors and The Hermit fell out. Oh, ok. But he was reversed.

Hermit Rev: One or both feeling lonely. They are drifting apart. They need to reexamine their relationship and have self awareness on how to help fix it.

5C: Moving on from the past and healing of old wounds. Could be true of both of them. They may have just gone through a tense period, but if they can have the hard discussions, they will be ok.

Looking at Long Term

Here I had the urge to just try the majors

Lady Suneku Rev, Strength, High Priestess, The sun

Lady S Rev: She is the Medusa, but also a high priestess. She represents beauty and danger. Both sides of the coin. You don't know which one you will get. I looked up the high priestess reversed and almost peed myself "avoid saying or doing something just to please your partner" Nat, honey. All you honey's out there. Don't do it!.

This is where my emotions took a turn and stuck with me. I know they weren't mine because I could easily get past it. Usually I am a "cry and don't stop" kind of girl. Just ask my Hubbs.

Strength: Passionate in a way that could go good or bad. A simple date could lead to car sex cause you can't wait to get home. Or, a simple word can lead to a raging argument. But I also saw having empathy, strength and compassion for each other. I had a vision of them almost embracing. Like this is the embrace () but they are like here ( ). And I could feel a mixture of hope and relief and it got me choked up. I kept seeing them being on the cusp of saying they need each other and what they are feeling. The best way to describe it is if you are watching a movie or show where you have the protective male and the female love interest gets herself into trouble, but she's afraid to tell the male. Even though you know if she does, he will have compassion and help her fix the issue. But she never says anything and you are watching this from your couch screaming "just tell him!!!" I mean, wtf, am I right?

High Priestess: I think I was meant to get her both ways. This means increased intimacy and openness and things hidden coming to light. And by that I mean, opening up to each other and letting it out. Letting the light in.

The Sun Rev: Self doubt and loss of faith in love. Gaining your confidence to see yourself in a new light. I wrote down "Evan needs to seek a mental health professional" I think it will really help him if he hasn't already.

I will leave you with one last thing. This is a little hazy, but I felt compelled to try.

How Long will Ev and Nat last

I first got Page of Pentacles. In general it could be represented as someone with a naive and innocent quality, despite the age. Happy Surprises ahead. Also someone creative, intuitive and emotional.

I asked again and said I'm looking for a number. I got 3 of Wands. This shows the man looking out into the ocean, awaiting his journey and what it holds. But, wands also represents spring. So, three years, possibly spring time? (Any insights, fellow readers?)

Justice also fell out at this time (another major in my minors) Marriage? Divorce? Ending what no longer suits you?

And then I asked who this is about. Welp, I didn't get the same queen as last time, but I got a Queen Of Swords: represented as "hard on the outside, soft in the inside". I don't know, guys. I just don't quite know.

I also want to say that there are colors in my major deck: black, white, gray. I take gray as being that "gray area". It's not straightforward, it's a bit hazy and complicated. I look at it like a progression, but a slow one. Like sometimes you have to walk into the fog to see what's two feet ahead. I have been consistently getting this card when I ask if there's anything else I need to know.

Overall, I think this was pretty positive. I feel there are emotions being unleashed, hopefully for the better of the roller coaster ride that is this relationship! I really, really hope it works out for them. I just want them to be content and happy. No more self induced turmoil. And Nat, please just be yourself. That's all Evan wants.

-LC

It's okay LC, I be telling Admin that I want to give Evan a talk in like a gentle mother kind of way so its understandable but the way you wrote it. I got the same thing. Imma describe it in my reading. RN I'm just responding to some ask before I write my reading out.

[fireteam-silentstrike]

@fireteamepic and I's chapter about Ester's first brain connection with Bandit, set during season of arrivals.

--------------------------

Ester watched Bandit closely as she slowly lowered the device onto her head. Bandit flinched as soon as it made contact, Ester withdrew her hands quickly. She held them palm up so that Bandit could see them.

“Okay?” Ester asked, trying to not let nerves show. 

Bandit gave a small nod, her eyes darting away and back again, as if looking at Ester was overwhelming. She settled on some point on the floor, keen and unfocused all at once. Ester felt a pang in her chest: even seated, the hunter seemed ever-ready to bolt. Knees tensed, shoulders raised, knuckles flexed on the edge of her chair. They'd picked some old Braytech conference room for this. The irony didn't escape her.

“I’m going to start plugging in the connectors.” Ester put on the best comforting tone as she could. She reached back into Bandit’s space and grabbed the frontal lobe connector. “I’ve been told this doesn’t hurt much.” 

Bandit looked at her again, eyes going wide with fear. Ester felt a painful knot twist in her stomach, wrong thing to say she thought to herself. She lifted her free hand to Bandit’s forehead, flipping open a tiny plate to reveal the port. Bandit flinched hard, fully turning away from the warlock. Her throat made some involuntary squeak, her hands going up instinctively to shield her face before, self-consciously, lowering them again. Ester felt bile rise in her throat, fighting the urge to throw up.

What could have happened to have her react this way?

Bandit turned back toward her, still afraid and shaking. Her eyes flashed wildly, noseplate tightening up to her brow as her jaw clenched so hard it began to grind. "What are you waiting for?" she forced out, losing any bravado the words were meant to summon as her voice crackled with a familiar panic. She reminded her too much of Mute, sometimes, she thought, fighting back a grimace. 

Ester deeply regretted taking her helmet off for this, taking a few shaking breaths to calm her own nerves. This must be done, for everyone's sake. She slid the connector in with a click.

“This is difficult for you, I understand that.” Ester’s tone was flat, devoid of any emotion. “You must hold still or else you risk damage.” Bandit flinched at those words, making a face almost like a snarl. Ester shoved all of her roiling emotions away, reverting to the cold and calculating demeanor she used to hold. 

Ester grabbed the next connector, “turn your head,” more of a command than a request. Bandit held her snarl as she turned her head to the left. Ester brought her hand up once more, quickly finding the port and connecting the plug before Bandit could jerk away. Bandit yelped. “Now to the other side.” Ester repeated the action, Bandit yelped and flinched. 

“Now look down.” Ester said firmly. Bandit lost hold of her snarl for a brief moment. Ester felt her stomach churn but did her best to ignore it, this must be done. “This will go quicker if you cooperate.” Bandit averted her eyes and grimaced before looking to her feet. As Ester’s hand came to touch the crown of her head, Bandit twitched and began to shake. Ester took a deep breath, finding the parietal and occipital ports and plugging into them with quick succession. Bandit flinched at each one. 

Ester gave a sigh and stood up. “Calm yourself.” She said as she walked around behind Bandit. “You will have to hold still for this one. It connects to your brain stem, any damage will have grave consequences.” She warned as she came to a stop and looked down to find Bandit gazing up at her with dim, unfocused eyes. Her jaw and shoulders had gone slack, and she swayed slightly, a low, constant whine emitting from the back of her throat. It was as if each port drained the fight from her a bit more, leaving this small and empty thing where she’d sat.

“I know we are both guardians but I don’t want to risk any possible lasting negative effects.” She crouched down to become eye level with the brain stem port. “I need you to hold still and focus.” 

Bandit seemed to shake herself awake, a near-growl bursting from her chest as she slapped her leg, seeming angry. With the situation, or with herself? “Okay,” she mumbled, her voice barely audible. “Okay.” She reached down to the knife sheath at her hip, yanking the blade free with a metallic hiss that stung the air. It flashed red in the dull glow of Martian sunlight that filtered through the dust-stained window. Bandit rested the blade across her palm before curling her fingers around its edge.

“Now I can’t flinch,” she explained, the sentence coming out slow and clipped. Her voice was even-toned now - distant. It sounded not unlike Ester's own.

It was Ester's turn to look wide eyed with fear before she regained control of her face. She let out a shaky breath and returned to her seat, hoping that Bandit didn’t notice. 

“You’re being very brave.” She spoke quietly as she took the final connector and took Bandit’s face by the chin, gently guiding her to look up and to the side to reveal the regular connector port on the right side of her neck. This time, she felt the young hunter's jaw clench, but then - maybe she imagined it - felt her barely relax into the touch, her head growing heavier against her thumb by that small fraction as the low whine kicked up from her throat again. “I realize I may seem… cold, but I do appreciate you trusting me to do this.” Ester let herself relax, a slight tremble in her hands as she pulled away from Bandit. She grabbed the receiver end of the device and placed it onto her head, aligning the single plug to the neural implant at the back of her head. The world around her began to grow blurry.

“Try and relax as much as you can.” Ester said firmly. “Hold still.” Ester brought her hands up to cradle both sides of Bandit’s face. Eyes so full of fear met her own, shattering the composure Ester had tried so hard to maintain through this ordeal. 

She tried to speak, tried to say something - anything - that could comfort Bandit but her voice failed her. The world was growing more blurry, the sensation of her stealth armor against her skin became a dull barely there tingle. Everything grew distant and muted except for Bandit trembling in front of her. Full of terror but still somehow having the trust to allow Ester to hold her head between her hands. 

Ester felt a sensation she could only describe as those glowing orange eyes cutting into her. Sharp and pleading right into her very soul. The world finally began to twist and bend as the mind link was established. She felt her consciousness float up and away from her body. As she drifted skyward she realized for the first time just how small Bandit really was. 

The world was now a wash of orange. 

Orange.

Orange, red, yellow. 

A sunset. 

The memory of a sunset. Not her own memory but one she had seen before. 

A campsite, a pot of stew boiling over an open fire and a single tent with two helmets set beside it. The person the memory belonged to walked over to the tent and opened the flap. They paused and Ester felt a sense of shock, dulled from it not being her own memory. There in the tent lay a tiny hunter, battered and frail from some unknown incident. The person leaned in closer, allowing a beam of sunlight in, illuminating the hunter’s face. 

“This is Mute’s memory.” She said aloud as the realization hit her. He had shown it to her years ago, back when she would have brushed it off as unimportant. The memory began to dissolve around her. “Wait!” She lunged toward the sleeping Bandit, desperate to get another look. She found herself on her knees and she cursed her past self for being so callous. 

The world around her still glowed a strange yellow-green color. She looked up and slowly brought herself back to her feet. The air around her was heavy, blotted with a dreamlike haze that obscured her surroundings like thick fog in the pre-dawn light. Vex architecture punctuated the gloom with unforgiving angles, hanging down from someplace high above her. Ester blinked, and they seemed to crowd closer, tangled branches that reached and clawed their way towards her. Like trees in an inverted forest, she thought. If she squinted, she could see the fractal patterns of light they cast, could see how they almost looked like stars, or like… eyes.

She shook her head. These were Bandit's thoughts, not hers. She had to stay focused, had to find Bandit's own manifestation before she lost the line between them. The towers seemed to recede back into the sky, and she took a steadying breath. 

“Bandit!” She cupped her hands around her mouth to shout. “Bandit?” 

At first, there was no response. Then, slowly, she began to hear something - a faint sound, hovering maddeningly just at the edge of her auditory range. At first, it sounded like a whisper. She turned her head sharply, and the sound peaked briefly, then retreated. She let out a frustrated sigh, and forced herself to close her eyes. She was able to pick out the taunting threads of a melody, distant yet seemingly all around her at once. Some pre-Golden Age composition?

“Bandit!” Calling once more, the world around her shimmered in response to her presence. Ester reached out with her own consciousness, trying to feel for where Bandit might be. “Bandit, where are you?” A sudden crack and boom sounded above her. She whirled around as a second bolt of lightning struck the towering structure behind her. Some rubble fell loose, she was quick to dodge. She took a moment to look at it, dark and angular with what looked like red detailing. She picked up a small piece and felt a chill run down her spine. It reminded her of the sleeper simulant; she turned it over to see Rasputin’s symbol staring back at her. The music boomed overhead, causing her to jump and drop the rubble. 

“Ballet.” She said aloud as she realized she did recognize the song. She remembered being in a Warmind vault on Mars and then the same ghastly music played when safety measures were triggered. She had been separated from Howard in the resulting chaos and even though she had him back, the feeling of complete loss of control was a searing burn in her mind. 

Ester's vision swam as the music swelled to a roar - throbbing, pulsing noise. Her ears rang from it, a thunderclap of sudden silence sending her staggering from the vertigo. She felt the vibrations lance up her legs, seize her own heart in its rhythm. No, no, how can this be happening? She felt her own lungs stutter and stop in her ribs, felt the implosive force of vacuum as Rasputin's symbol flooded her vision with red…

Then, nothing. The impossible sound dropped from existence, and the world around her seemed to shudder as the Vex domain struggled to reassert itself. Several of the towers seemed to be entirely missing - the rubble, too, was gone.

Ester shook herself, a hand straying up to instinctively push her hair back from her face. What was going on? Mute's mind had always been strange, but this felt… different. The cold clamp of dread in her spine, the lack of control…

It was the feeling of being on a battlefield, she realized. It felt as though Bandit's mind was fighting… something. Not her, she thought. But here she was, caught in the crossfire.

Her gaze strayed across the increasing incoherence around her, and noticed something that had been hidden behind one of the vanished towers. A giant, haphazard form of metal, tangled limbs splayed across the ground, single eye dulled. Her eyes widened. A Gate Lord. Inactive, or…

What is that doing here? she thought as fear twisted her gut. Then, realizing the small form curled up, asleep - she hoped, she hoped she was just asleep - against one leg of the Vex, she cried out in alarm. "Bandit!" 

Ester did the closest approximation of a run as she could. The air around her felt like it was pushing back, as if it became more viscous in response to her intrusion into Bandit’s mind. She was then on her knees, hesitant to touch at first but felt some of her anxiety subside when she saw that Bandit wasn’t visibly injured.

“Bandit.” She shook the small hunter’s arm.

Bandit stirred, groaning as she sleepily shook off Ester’s unwanted touch. Had Ester done this in the waking world, Bandit would have been alert and fighting-ready in an instant. Here, she seemed sluggish, confused. It took several achingly long seconds for Bandit to open her eyes, and several more for her to drag her gaze towards the interloper, to focus on her face.

“Whuh…” she mumbled. Her speech was thick and slurred. She seemed almost like a child, attempting to rouse herself from deep sleep. “You are…” She brought a hand up to slap clumsily against the dome of her forehead. “...Ester.”

“Yes, and we need to get moving. Get up. Come on.” She chanced a stronger grip on Bandit’s arm, and to her surprise, she allowed it. But those bright orange eyes locked onto her own, searching. Ester realized she could hear the melody again - thin, but steady. It seemed to strengthen Bandit, somehow, making her feel more solid, more real beneath her fingertips. Suddenly, it felt like Ester was the one left grasping for safety.

Bandit’s eyes grew more urgent. “You can’t be here,” she said simply. “It’s bad here. It hurts. It’ll hurt you.”

“I can assure you I can hold my own inside an Exo’s mind. Try deep linking with Mute sometime if you want a real workout.” Ester tried to sound comforting but the expression on Bandit’s face proved otherwise. “Erm. Not that you are… simple… you would just have to see how… warped his mind is.” Another beat as Bandit now seemed to be visibly cringing. “Not that having a warped mind is a bad thing! Its-“ 

A sudden cacophony behind Ester made her jump and knock into Bandit. They both clung to each other to steady themselves and looked at the source of the noise. What looked like a projection played out before them, filling Ester’s field of vision with a scene of the Tower, through someone else’s eyes. Wild screaming, flashes of people running. Lord Shaxx giving a speech, words loud but indistinct. The nauseating closeness of emergency lights, dull red and clouded in smoke. And then the person is running, gun in hand. Their movements are frantic, untrained. They look skyward, and Ester gets a view of the Traveler covered in Ghaul’s Light-stealing machine. She remembers that day so achingly clear, yet through the eyes of another, it feels almost alien. They flee from Cabal that seem to tower over them, fear-blind and scrambling, firing off wild shots. Their flight takes them to an open street, where they stand, frozen. They hear a man shouting, and look wildly in his direction. An Exo titan in parade regalia stands in an alleyway. He motions frantically to the person as if begging them to come towards him. 

“Is that…” The dark metal with white markings looked very similar to Jameson. Before Ester could get a closer look, however, a loud roar filled her ears. She jumped back, watching wide-eyed as a Cabal drop pod plummeted from above. The person only had an instant to look up, to see the fireball racing towards them. The cobblestone street gave way beneath them, an eruption of rubble and ash, and in the next instant, the projection went black.

“I’m amazed you made it through the Red War.” Ester mused, turning to see Bandit sitting on the floor with her knees held tight to her chest. 

“I almost didn’t.” Bandit said quietly. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I was… I was scared. And stupid. If Iota hadn’t found me, I… they… They fixed me.” She rubbed at her wrist, as if in memory of some wound. “I didn’t want them to leave me, and I couldn’t bear to… owe them like that. You know what that’s like? The way people look at you…” It was more than Ester had ever heard Bandit say at once. She was unguarded, vulnerable. At least that meant Bandit wouldn’t fight her as she prodded deeper.

Hopefully.

“Our connections to other people is our strength.” Ester offered her hand to help Bandit up. 

Bandit gaped at her for a moment, her mouth working around words that she couldn't seem to speak. She snapped her mouth closed with an audible click and stood, the swift movement sweeping her into Ester's space. "Come on," she said, already spinning on her heel and striding away.

The world around them seemed to shift in random, unpredictable patterns as Bandit walked, Bandit either not noticing or not acknowledging the change. Vex-etched stone seemed to shimmer and reshape into fossilized fragments of shell and bone. Ester shook her head and found them hiking up the rolling red dunes of Mars, her calves burning. The sky rippled like a sheer curtain on a thin exhale of wind. She felt the air grow dense and dreamlike around her again, and in the next ripple, she almost thought she saw Mars as it had been - before the Collapse. But then the haze cleared, and it was gone. They were in a hallway now, the Braytech logo emblazoned on the walls and floors.

Still Bandit walked, saying nothing. Her shoulders were tense, head thrust forward determinedly, fists swinging at her sides. Though she was smaller than Ester, she kept a punishing pace. They continued down the long corridor in silence, a low hum steadily growing stronger.  

“Here.” Bandit stopped suddenly. A projection began to play on the wall to the left of them. Ester reached out her hand and touched it, feeling a slight jolt as she connected to the sensations held within the memory. 

Bandit is standing inside of a Warmind bunker, peering down a hall of server banks. She creeps around a corner, her eyes darting across shadows. Ester could feel the memory of Iota's training taut in her muscles, each movement a mimic of him. She doesn't feel at home with it, but she is… skilled. Satisfied, Bandit sags against a server bank, sighing in relief. 

“You are very quick.” A voice sounds behind her; she jumps and turns to see Ester standing about six feet away from her. Her skin begins to prickle, the sense of something crawling down her neck, knotting at the base of her throat. Ester's eyes staring at her, searching her for something.

"Stop that," Bandit says, voice low in her throat. Her body tenses, and she springs into the air, fingers scrabbling for purchase against the top of a server bank, feet kicking against air for an instant before she finds stability, hauls herself up. This, now, feels right, and Ester could feel her nervous exhilaration through the memory. Bandit bounds across server banks, her feet light. She feels the bunker react to her, the hum of old systems kicking to life.

“Fascinating.” Bandit hears Ester say as she kicks off the final platform and takes a flight of stairs running. She snarls, tries to shake the word out of her head, and ends up tumbling down the final steps. She cries out; tucks her chin to her chest; rolls with the momentum. When she comes to a stop, she hears music. It clamps down on the base of her neck. When she looks above her, all the screens light up. They look like eyes.

Ester’s eyes, too, look down at her.

“The system seems to be responding to your presence.” Ester sounds gleeful. “You have truly been one surprise after another. So much to study in so little time.” She steps past Bandit to look at one of the screens, tapping it a few times until a command console unfolds from a nearby wall. 

Bandit manages to roll herself to a sitting position. She must have hit her head in the fall - Ester could feel the dizziness, the dull, throbbing ache. Or was that… the music? How could Ester have missed that? Bandit puts her head between her knees, pounding at it with the heel of her palm as Mute comes walking from behind a bank of servers. 

“There you are.” He signs, and then he squats to get closer to Bandit’s current level. “You doing okay?” 

Bandit hesitates for a long moment before nodding. Her eyes track Ester's movements warily. "Just… don't like feeling watched," she signs back.

Mute stood back up. “Ester.” More of a squelch than a word.

“Remind me to recalibrate your helmet later.” Ester heard herself say. 

Ester stepped back from the memory, arm still outstretched. She stared at the memory projection, not processing it as it continued. She remembered that moment from her own perspective so clearly. She thought that would be the highest compliment you could get from her, but now having felt what Bandit felt her flesh crawled. 

“I…. I-“ Ester took a ragged breath and looked at her hand for a moment. “I didn’t think… I hadn’t considered…” She turned and looked at Bandit. The hunter's eyes slid from hers, her arms crossed over her chest, the lights in her face flaring with shame.

"The way people- the way you look at me," she manages to croak out. "I don't… I feel like… a thing, sometimes." She shrugs, as if trying to shake off a heavy weight. "It's fine. I don't know. You need something useful from me, right?"

“Bandit…” Ester began to reach her hand out to Bandit but stopped midway, sensing it would be the incorrect thing to do. “I don’t think I can convey myself with words. I realize any attempt I make grievously misses the mark. You are very far from just being a thing.” She took one step closer to Bandit, gauging her for a negative reaction. “While yes, you do contain useful information, that isn’t exactly the reason I am in here with you now. Something is clearly wrong, something you can’t quite place, and I want to help you.” 

Bandit startled at that, her eyes wide as they snapped back to stare at her. That look of hers lanced through her each time - this ever-watchful war-child. Every Guardian she'd ever met had been forged by battle, true, but Bandit seemed to carry it marrow-deep, chaos wrought in every nerve. Instead of recoiling again, though, Ester watched her breath quicken, her noseplate wrinkle - and realized she was holding back tears. Finally, she nodded. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

“I know I am tight-lipped but I have good reason to be.” She stepped closer to Bandit once more. “Mute is now able to hear his old name without encrypting, but I don’t know if other information will or not.” She lifted her hand once again. “And I don’t know if the same might happen to you. You’ve been on the verge of something during this whole ordeal, I’ve managed to stop Mute’s encrypting before. Maybe I can do the same for you.” 

Bandit watched her movements, but didn't widen the space between them. "If… If that happens…" She didn't seem able to finish the thought, instead letting it hang between them.

“I won’t let that happen.” She touched Bandit’s shoulder. 

"Promise?" Bandit asked weakly, and the question was so big, she almost seemed to flinch from saying it. Promise I can trust you?

“I promise.” 

It wasn’t trust in her voice, but it was a good enough start. Bandit turned and walked away, her footsteps hesitant but steady.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” Bandit said. “This is the only thing I can think of. He…”

The world rippled again, and they were on a catwalk, the room around them vanishing into void. Ester swayed from vertigo as she tried to right her vestibular system, when up ahead, she watched Bandit stumble.

“Bandit?” she asked, rushing forward when Bandit sank to one knee, one arm draped over the railing for support while her other hand flew to clutch at her head, as if in pain. Ester rushed forward, instinctively gripping her beneath the shoulder as if to pull her up.

“Don’t…” Bandit mumbled, almost as if speaking to herself. Her head raised to stare at something ahead of them, mouth hanging slack from pain. “I have to… please.”

Ester followed Bandit’s gaze and shuddered. The world became a wash of orange light once more, cast now by the giant wireframe ball of light hanging above them.

Rasputin.

He bellowed something, and Ester felt her stomach twist as Bandit recoiled. Small, fragmented memory projections exploded around them, but these were… different. Incomplete. In them, everything seemed to match that wireframe image they’d found in the bunkers. Of Felwinter. The images shuddered and jerked as if they were puppets on a string. She heard Bandit strain to speak, felt her struggle to push herself forward, closer to the Warmind.

One memory floated past them, and even through the strange distortions, Ester recognized Bandit’s small form, a Valkyrie in hand. It came just close enough for her to touch, hovering, taunting. She reached out for it, extending her pointer finger to make contact. She saw a brief flash of orange once more before a sharp pain drew her out of the memory, realizing the orange was sparks coming off of the memory. Almost like a Warmind cell

“Ow,” she shook her hand and glared at the memory. “Hhhhmmph.” She brought her hand back up and open-palm slapped the memory. She felt a strong jolt as she connected to the sensations stored within. 

Bandit stood on a high platform, trembling, Valkyrie held at her side in a tight fist. She hollered something Ester couldn't make out as all around her, the all-seeing lights of innumerable dormant Warsats sprung to life. Ester felt a ravenous seething rage come alive inside her, racing down her arms like a forest fire. It was Bandit's rage, her grief, but swept up in the undertow of something impossibly huge. A surge of noise and light and emotion overwhelmed her, deafened her… Was this Bandit's link to Rasputin?

And then a bolt of orange energy struck just beside her, the shockwave strong enough to knock her off her feet and send her tumbling off of the platform. As she fell, more bolts of energy flashed all around her, and Ester realized the platform had been the top of a very tall tower.

The memory severed abruptly as Rasputin bellowed something that sounded like a command. Bandit was pulling herself towards the furious orange glow on her hands and knees, and as Rasputin repeated the same command, she seemed to respond in the same language, pleading with him in Russian before collapsing with a wail that quickly cut off into wracking sobs.

“Okay, we are leaving,” Ester said flatly as another memory shard whizzed by a little too close to her head. She crouched down to where Bandit lay on the floor and hooked her arms under the hunter’s armpits and lifted. At first Bandit struggled, flailing weakly, but she relaxed once she realized it was Ester. “We’ll come back here another day.” She slung Bandit over her left shoulder and marched back the way they came. 

Slowly, Bandit's wracking sobs quieted, her body going limp against Ester's chest. The angry red glow of the world began to throb and dull as the catwalk fell away, and they were once again in the inverted landscape of the Vex forest. Bandit whimpered quietly into Ester's shoulder, Ester's heart clutched at the feeling of the small hunter nuzzling her face into her neck before allowing her to slide off onto the floor.

Bandit made a noise in the back of her throat, a ripple of half-formed words.

“What was that?” Ester asked. Bandit shook herself, holding her head between hands and hunched shoulders, eyes caged behind splayed fingers.

“Get up,” Ester said. Control was a thin, tattered veil over the edge of concern in her voice, but she knew how to turn that edge. Give it a command of its own. Mute listened to it; Bandit would, too. “Keep moving. We don’t have time to waste.” 

Bandit staggered to her feet, her legs shaky, gaze unsteady. The look of a floundering swimmer writ in the tight lines of her face. Wide eyes, gaping mouth. She mumbled something again, lips working themselves around the words as though they were the last gulp of air before she went under. She staggered again, swallowed around the words as she spoke them. Her head swung from side to side. Her hands groped, knuckles crackling as she reached for something unseen out in front of her. She took a step forward. She staggered and spoke. Stepped forward. Staggered. Spoke. The words thick and blurred, desperate and reverent.The sounds of a holy chant.

“Oooookay.” Ester stepped closer to Bandit. “I’ll just pick you back up then.” 

Bandit let out a shuddering groan, flinching away from Ester’s outstretched hand. When she looked back, her eyes had… changed. Orange gave way to a darker scarlet, the fractal patterns in her gaze all too familiar. The hunter’s head lolled to one side, then the other, and Ester watched as pale, twining ivy and lichen burst, newborn and ravenous, from her cracking fingertips, crawling up her arm, across her neck, down her spine. It corroded what it touched, Bandit’s armor quickly turning to foul, tarnished copper. She lunged - screamed - and the scream was a many-voiced thing: Rasputin’s harsh bellow, the high shriek of a Harpy, and beneath it all, Bandit - Bandit in pain, Bandit crying, Bandit reaching out with hands that were no longer her own, twisted and broken in claw-like approximation of Vex limbs. Her neck snapped, sickeningly, and when she looked back to Ester once more, her face had been reformed to bear a single, red Vex eye.

Ester screamed, but stood rooted in the fixed gaze of the thing that should have been Bandit, frozen by dumb animal instinct. The empty vessel of so many impossible machine gods before her shook, and sobbed, and still it chanted its obscene hymn, clutching at its face and rocking in wide, crazed circles.

"No, no, no, no, no," Ester pleaded, the word becoming a chant of its own in her mouth. "No, no, no, NO!" She surged forward, collapsing to her knees, wrapping the thing that should-but-could-not-be Bandit tightly in her arms. She felt it struggle, felt its festering song thrum against her chest. This Vex-thing, this… perversion, held in her arms like a child.

Then, in her ear, a voice that was distinctly Bandit's: "Please…"

And the body of the thing that had to be Bandit convulsed in her arms, the song growing louder now, the song woven all around them, all nonsense and rhyme, and Ester rocked the thing in her arms, pleading with it.

"Bandit," she cried. "Bandit, please, I don't…" She choked on the words. "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! I missed something, I don't know what I missed and I can't stop this please I'm sorry I'm so sorry I can't… You can't do this! This isn't supposed to happen, don't you understand? You're not supposed to encrypt! This isn't possible, this shouldn't be possible, I can't… Fuck!"

A sudden bright flash of light caused Ester to look to her right. A brilliant orb pulsed, its surface roiling like plasma from a star with fractal shards shooting off in random directions. Ester could see images of the Vex within; she looked at the Vex-Bandit thing and then back to the orb.

“We have to try.” She steeled herself as she stood and hooked her arms under the Vex thing’s arms and pulled with all her might. She howled with effort as she managed to tug Bandit inch by inch towards the orb. It was like trying to haul a Red Legion Gladiator up a mountain as the music rose to a deafening pitch. 

Ester reached out to the orb once she was close enough, fingertips grazing the surface. She heard whispers in languages she did and did not recognize. She pulled back and pulled Bandit a few steps closer and then plunged her whole hand below the shining orange surface. The smell of ozone and iron, the sensation of falling and a devastating impact, someone coughing and gasping as if their lungs didn’t work. Vivid and disjointed all at once while only being half connected to the memory within. She then felt it push back against her, ejecting her hand with what looked like a large wisp of plasma. 

“Bandit!” Ester cried over the noise, “I need your help, take my hand!” She desperately hoped Bandit understood her. Below her, the profane creature had curled in on itself, arms hugged to its chest, a single Vex leg kicking, sporadically, as ivy climbed over the wreckage of its body, a perfectly ruined circle of pain slowly being dragged back into the earth-

And then its single, red eye raised to look at her, to see her through the fog of its torment, and Ester realized that Bandit was not the thing in the shape of a Vex, but was some shred of self wearing its skin like a prison-shrine, and the body of the Vex-thing clambered forward, shattered fingers reaching, grasping for hers as both Bandit and Vex let out a wail-

And she took Bandit's hand and plunged forward, the boiling surface of memory subsuming her.

You will know yourself as the seams of you fracture and tear.

Ester rises, thrashing, through the blinding bloom of refracted light. Her lungs strain and heave as something that is not air floods her, colonizes her, its dominion of her body complete and entire. She tastes copper, tastes blood, tastes ruin. She is drowning (please please please) as hands hold her down, hands that grasp at her from below, from above, and she can almost make out a face…

You will make offering of your flesh to the tides of time.

She rises, crawling (let me go), dragging the wreckage of herself behind her, shattered limbs and weeping wounds. Upwards, ever upwards (please let me go), no rest never any rest the corridors twist and twist and twist a fractured spine of stairs…

You will kneel at the altar of your divinity.

She RISES, borne up by the light (there is no light there is no light) as she splinters - scatters - screaming - as all around her the seething, swarming mass of all that she has been or will ever be cocoons her in their many reaching limbs (it hurts), sings to her in choirs of voices that sound just like her own. 

You will bear witness to the miracle of your being.

She drowns, she drowns, she DROWNS she drowns she-

-She felt a hand claw weakly at her arm, metal fingers dragging down skin as Bandit tried to free herself, sobbing weakly (it hurts so much). Her face was her own, but battered and ravaged - her forehead wept from an open wound as if it had been bashed against something, and her jaw didn’t hang right.

“Ester please, please, it hurts, pleaseithurts, pleaseletmego pleaseletmego you’re hurting me you’re HURTING me please-”

At that Ester let go of Bandit’s hand, hoping that would disconnect her from the memory. Ester felt the pull of gravity suck her arm further into the memory. Again she heard the sound of someone coughing and gasping for air. Then her shoulder, and then her head fell into the orb, the pull inescapable. She yelled with effort as she tried to leverage herself out with her other arm. The surface gave way suddenly, dragging Ester in up to her waist. She gasped alongside the chorus around her, the pull ripping the very air from her lungs. She saw a hazy figure above the water, covered in jagged pyramidal armor. 

“Do not fight, it will be okay.” She heard a distant voice that sounded so very familiar. “I have control now, I will keep you safe. Give yourself to the Deep.” 

Ester felt hands close around her ankles and a sharp tug that followed. She draws what strength she can, fighting to find purchase on the figure’s arms. 

“No!” Ester screamed, pushing against the figure as she felt her legs get tugged once again. The water suddenly crystallizes around her, all sound and sensation stops for a brief second. Then an enormous pressure wave shatters the memory orb, the shockwave sending Bandit and Ester flying. Ester watched as the orb reformed itself as they flew further and further away. She feels her back slam into something hard and then the sound of glass shattering as the world went dark. 

Ester stood up first, walking a few paces and then lifting her hand. She reached forward and felt an invisible wall stop her hand. The barrier. She turned around and saw a shard of the fractalized memory orb lying not far from Bandit. Ester walked over to and stood over the small hunter.

“Bandit, wake up.” She nudged Bandit’s shoulder with her foot. 

“Whu…” Bandit slowly sits up, looking around at the white void that stretched before her.

“Here.” Ester offers her hand and hauls Bandit to her feet. “This way.” She chooses a random direction, looking at Bandit until she sees her follow her. “We simply need to travel farther ‘inward’ and things will start to become apparent.” 

Long angular shadows began to appear, cutting and shaping the void around them as they walked. The open expanse narrowed into a tunnel like hallway, foot steps echoing as the shadows shift. The hallway began to widen, ceiling sweeping high above their heads as they crossed a threshold, shadows solidifying in place. 

They both took in their new surroundings, stark white high vaulted ceilings and long corridors that faded into shadow. A hospital lobby. The aura of sterility was almost oppressive as Ester motioned for Bandit to follow her down one of the long hallways. 

“Do you remember anything from the golden age?” Ester asked softly, dread beginning to build. 

“I was… sick? Maybe?” Bandit screwed up her face, trying to summon something, anything, to mind. As she did, there was a brief telescoping of detail, as if the air around them was taking form, solidifying into something they could touch, something they could walk on. The shadows grew starker; the fluorescent lights began to buzz and whine. Bandit let out a soft gasp, and the world snapped back to bleak, solid white.

"There's one word. I don't… know what it means. I guess I was scared to find out. But it's been in my head, ever since…"

Ester tensed, already knowing what it would be. "What is it?"

"Cancer."

As she spoke the word, a fluorescent light hummed to life over a wide, semi-circular desk. Atop it sat a computer, marked by life and memory, its screen covered in dust and its console scratched and worn. Ester stared at it, her stomach churning with anxiety, apprehension. But the pull was undeniable, and she found herself drawn, step by inexorable step, towards it. The computer screen glowed brighter the closer Ester got to it. She reached out and touched it with her finger tips. A login screen flashed in her field of vision. Ester's fingers flitted over the keys, trying any password that sprang to her mind. Rasputin. Warmind. Ivey. Blade. Hale. Finally, she got one that passed.

Dahlia. 

The Golden Age. Ester knows it first by the healthy shimmer in the air, the green-gold autumn leaves lining paved boulevards. The fresh smell of cool air against her face, the freedom of movement. She watches a young human girl - perhaps sixteen, seventeen? - coast lazily on her bicycle. Without a helmet, her choppy brown hair flies wild, strands plastered against her forehead. She wears a backpack, old and beaten, but clearly packed with meticulous care.

And then the girl is standing against the wall of an office, arms crossed, head tilted back slightly. She is pale, clammy, and Ester can now see the deep shadows worn beneath her eyes. Her bright green eyes flit dimly across the room - the lifeless gray of the cubicle partitions, the humming of the fluorescent lights. The framed employee of the month - a young woman named Dahlia Locklear. A phone rings, and she flinches, closing her eyes.

"Ivey!" a sharp voice calls out, and the girl's eyes snap open. Ester feels her heart clench at the name - worn into her mind from months of poring through Braytech files. Ivey Locklear - selected for entry into Rasputin's Blade.

"Mom-" Ivey half-mumbles, but she's cut off. The woman storming towards her is the same as the face on the employee of the month photo, but Ester can now recognize the tired lines on her face, the weariness at the corners of her eyes that the tight smile could only barely cover.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you at school?" the woman - Dahlia, then - snaps.

"I couldn't… I don't… feel good."

"Well, then, you should have gone home. Did you forget your key again? You need to-"

"It's… worse. Mom, I…"

She's cut off by another voice, fragmented and indistinct. Ester strains to hear it, but the words slip away from her - water through her fingers. She sees her mother talking to another woman, her features hazy and blurred. Straight-backed and shorter than Dahlia, hands folded behind her… but of her face, Ester could make out only a pale, shimmery outline.

"Mom," Ivey calls out again, a strange hitch in her throat. Dahlia turns, sighs.

“I gotta run, talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yes. I’ll be here,” the other woman says in a chopped tone. It's familiar, that voice, Ester thinks. She can't place it, but it hovers there, at the edge of her hearing, a ghost of a memory long forgotten.

Ivey's head jerks - once. Her eyes roll back, eyelids fluttering - Ester can see bloodshot whites, can hear her teeth clack together. Her face goes slack. She sees these things all at once as time slows, an instant drawn out and stretched to its breaking point. Ivey is falling, falling…

Falling…

As Ivey falls to the floor the other woman’s face finally becomes clear. Ester sees her own face staring on in horror as Ivey hits the ground. Ester feels a violent jolt run down her spine as her own memory from the Golden Age played in tandem. She rushes over to Dahlia’s side, shock coursing through her veins. It burns, it burns all over her body. She wants to disconnect from the memory but she’s frozen, the agony mounting to an unimaginable level. 

Pain, hot searing pain. She hears Bandit scream in the distance. Then it came closer and closer, the doppler effect raising the pitch until Ester felt like she was the one screaming. She felt a sensation like someone had sliced into her brain, the image of Dahlia and herself exploding into thousands of tiny fragments. She opened her eyes to see Bandit holding the prefrontal cortex connector. She then registered that Bandit was screaming… no, not just Bandit, they were both screaming. 

Ester watched as Bandit’s head jerked back with a violent, sickening snap, then lolled limply forward. For a moment, she was still, silent. Then she stood. It was as if her bones couldn’t quite recall how to move, as if she were being pulled up on marionette strings. One hand twitched; one foot stutter-stepped forward. Ester heard her mutter something in that strange Vex tongue again.

"Bandit," Ester called out - hoarsely, her tongue thick in her mouth. She stared, feeling helplessly adrift in the tides of this catastrophe she'd wrought. Bandit did not turn around, did not move except to sway, slightly, mechanically, from side to side. Ester's fingers fumbled at the wires now dangling from her neural implant, throwing the assembly to the ground as if it burned her. Then she was lurching towards the small hunter, gripping her by the arm and spinning her around. She shouted, called out to her, orders and instructions she could barely hear herself make. There was a roar in her ears, a colossal wave of terror surging through her blood as she recognized the horrible blankness in Bandit's eyes.

Then she felt a hand on her own shoulder, a voice that cut through the panic in her chest, the steadiness of Jean beside her, a shelter in the storm. "Ester." The words were faint, as if from a great distance. "Ester. What happened?"

Ester couldn't do anything but shake her head, staring at Bandit's placid expression as Jean folded the hunter into her arms and carried her back towards their camp. As Ester followed, hugging herself tightly, she realized how long it had been since she had last felt this small.

[invisiblegarters]

I waffled for weeks about this show without watching, because I don't like Krist and frankly Gawin was just not enough incentive for me to get past that. I've only ever seen him in Not Me and he played a drip of a character and in my not so humble (or quiet, really, I've talked about this before) opinion let his onscreen partner carry the entire BL aspect of his storyline. Sorry but I believed that Dan was into Yok like I believe that there really is a pot of gold at the end of that proverbial rainbow. Nice try, Lucky Charms, but I'm not buying, is what I'm saying. And while that wasn't really that huge of a deal in something like Not Me, which had a lot going on besides the romance stuff, in a show like this where it seemed most of the point was the romance, I just wasn't into putting myself through it.

Anyway, despite my best efforts I kept seeing posts about how unexpectedly good this show was so I finally bit the stupid bullet and gave it a try. I figured at the very least it could be background noise while I did something else.

But then it happened. I, too, fell in love with this drama, and now I'm sitting here getting ready to write a small love letter to it. So what the hell happened? Did I discover a new appreciation for Krist? Did Gawin's pretty pretty face finally win me over? Was I just bored?

The answers are no, yeah maybe, and ha, yes but also no, respectively.

The thing is that the show is pretty cute. It is, I won't deny it. Both Krist and Gawin are actually very good at comedy, and hey, it turns out that Gawin as Pisaeng is actually really charming. Good to know. But if that were all this show wouldn't have burrowed into my head so much and I wouldn't be sitting here waiting for Friday for reasons other than the weekend.

So, here, a list of what I'm enjoying about this show.

1. Kawi isn't a likable character. No, really. I know people do like him, but to me he just isn't. And to be honest I'm not entirely sure he's meant to be, at least not yet. Kawi is a dumb shit who let his negative perception of his life color every aspect of that life and then turned around and blamed other people for what he's mostly done to himself. Yes, I do see where some of it was beyond his control, for sure, I'm not denying that. But to me, his biggest problem is that he let his own insecurities and worries cripple him and instead of seeing that and taking accountability or trying to move forward, he insists on believing that if he can change just one aspect of his life (namely, not confessing that he drew his crush's name from a "buddy" box while in uni), that everything will work out. And then he gets his chance and guess what? Things aren't actually that simple. Kawi has a ways to go, but watching him look back on his life and try to start working on his relationships (and then, through those relationships, himself) is a joy to see. I hope for even more growth as the show continues. He's not learning in leaps and bounds either, and I like that. He does stupid things. He tries to fit in with people that are just not worth being around. He says some truly awful things to people and he blames one specifically for things he isn't even responsible for. But when it's pointed out to him that he's being an ass, he listens. He internalizes and he reacts accordingly. Kawi is the type of person that resonates with me because I see how easy it would be to be someone like that, if I let my insecurities drive me and didn't credit my own opinion enough. I think that his instincts are good - the people he seems most drawn to are decent, straightforward people who are gentle but not so soft they let others walk over them. People who are very good for someone like him, and who will encourage him to trust in himself more, not just follow what they tell him. I look forward to seeing his development as we go on. I don't think he's likeable currently, but I think that I will grow to like him, and I'm looking forward to that, too. He may not be likeable, but I find him incredibly understandable.

2. Pisaeng. I have to give a ton of credit to Gawin here, because I love this guy. This last episode especially. Gawin is giving him all the nuance and layers that I didn't see with Dan, and it almost makes me want to rewatch Not Me again to see if I just missed it somehow (I won't though, because whether or not I missed it I like Not Me but it's not something I'm really invested in watching over and over again). I love that he went on a journey of self-discovery this last episode that was mostly not about Kawi at all, and at the end of it it gave him the courage to not only confess to his crush but also to come to terms with a part of himself that scared the shit out of him (and I can't tell you how much I love that his journey was explicitly about understanding that he's definitely queer, and that's fine. It's just fine. It's good, even. Thankfully Thai BL has been slipping farther and farther away from "I'm not gay/bi, I just like you" stuff that they used to pull like clockwork but I did not expect an explicit journey of coming to terms with sexuality. What can I say - that shit always gets me and gets me good).

3. Max - Kawi does not deserve a best friend like him, but he certainly needs him. No notes, I adore him and everything he chooses to be. I would love it if he became friends with Pisaeng too but I can understand the reluctance to be a gay guru to Kawi, let alone someone he barely knows (not that Kawi realizes that's how things are going down, really - dude is so repressed it's painful). I loved his exasperation this last episode, and how he visibly had to rein himself in after going off on Pisaeng. Nothing he said was wrong, either. Not one damn thing. But I appreciate that he chose to be kind in the end. It's hard, sometimes.

4. Pear - please please please show don't make her one of those evil BL girls. Right now she's so wonderful and lovely but still very human and I just adore her and I want her to stay that way.

5. What this show is saying about being kind to people, and how the way you treat others ripples out. In this episode specifically, they literally took arguably the worst character in the show thus far and told him "Everyone deserves encouragement and a little kindness. Even you." And honestly, I kind of love it. Maybe it's the optimist in me but I do believe that most people tend towards being decent, and often when you give them a little kindness they find it in them to give it to others.

6. Weirdly enough, this is the first BL I've watched in a long time where I honestly don't care if anyone gets together (funny enough, the last one might have actually been Not Me). I know that Kawi and Pisaeng are probably going to be together in the end because that's just how this goes, but if they weren't...it wouldn't be a big deal, really. The journey here is more important than the end game, and all I really want is for them both (but Pisaeng especially) to live well and happily. And I want Max to get everything his heart desires and for Pear to date her BFF (I...am probably not going to get that loveline, but a person can dream).

I guess there's still plenty of time for this to go off the rails, but I have to say right now I'm really enjoying the ride.

[muwitch]

5 and 6 for Teth??

it took me forever bc of work, gdi BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING ily

How does your Dark Urge react to their urges in general? Are there specific urges that they have a strong reaction to?

Teth is not happy with things she cannot understand. Is it something her tadpole does? Is it specific to her? Why? The lack of knowledge and hence the lack of control is unsettling her more than the acts themselves. There’s always a wave of almost ecstatic relief after Teth taps into a few, but then the euphoria abates and she’s once again left with a void in her stomach and silence for an answer. She tries to rationalise, as always, and kicks unknowingly in the same methods as she used pre-tadpole. 

She is more wary of them initially but then treats it like a chronic disease: it’s there, it’s not going away, it’s part of her and she has to familiarise herself with the symptoms to have a grasp of it. She tries to form a pattern to the victims, to see if something specific triggers it, how long is the interval before she’s waking up covered in blood and guts. There’s a certain disappointment that there’s no real logic to it (so she can wipe out countless lives at the goblin camp and yet the same night the urge will demand some poor sod’s blood like a cat in heat?), nor does it really “sate” anything inside. However, up until her control over her urges is reestablished in a more or less decent manner, she taps into it just to keep herself in check.

She would’ve reacted strongly around Isobel, if she chose to see her before following Nightsong, but then again it depends on what is meant by strong. She reacted negatively to some of the first urges aka hacking out Gale’s hand or dooming a child out of pure surprise of it happening and clouding her judgement.

Most emotions or the strongest urges usually have to do with Teth’s past or people from it more or less so. Quil (I gonna elaborate in a second), Isobel, Gortash (bc THE urge sent down by dad was immense once she stepped into the coronation hall but she was too pissed and too intrigued to listen to it).

The one urge you cannot avoid in the game is killing Alfira. Does that event have a particular impact on your character or do they take it in stride?

I will stick to the in-game thing of killing Quil instead of Alfira, but Alfira was a breath away from being gutted, I won’t lie.They meet kind of late into the quests, when Teth has the actual time or wish to explore the grove, and despite some repulse from the girl’s naivete it’s fine. Alfira seems genuinely smitten from the exchange and is more than a little enthusiastic like a little puppy. Teth was already itching to smash something and not in a sexual way, trying to get hold of her urges, and the last thing she really wanted was a nuisance. She ended up smacking her head instinctively really good against a crate at one point and knocked her unconscious. Would Teth not get hold of herself halfway, she’d crack her skull, but hey, just a concussion.

And probably not realising her urge completely makes her lash out the very same night on Quil. But really it’s just that she had to be the same species as Teth’s late brother. And she's the same as Alfira, she speaks about love and longing and makes Teth’s head throb with something unexplainable. She bears scales that shine with a cold winter’s blue, and the areas that will make her life flow out are so exposed, so unprotected. And she doesn’t heed the warning when said no for the first time.

Then it’s blooded hands and guts and a symbol on the ground, and sense of almost serenity, of familiarity, and while her mind comes back in pulses, her breathing evens out, she takes her work with almost technical sight. The killing makes her high like nothing else did, and she barely registers why, familiar shadows and blurred pictures at the back of her eyelids. Would her heart taste as sweet as she remembers it to be? Why is she even remembering?

She cleans up as if ditching a body was something she was made for, sloppier than she would in her prime, and she sleeps like a baby for the first time in a long time, curling on the bedroll. It only dawns at her properly in the morning, and it’s a sense of mortification that lack of control leaves, a hunger in her gut. I think it comes as sort of an ice water bucket: she can’t trust her body, which is an act of betrayal in itself, she can’t fully trust anyone by default (as they’ve been dismissive of her concerns) and now she’s to lie to them outright.

It sets multiple things in motion: Teth finally embracing her subclass of sorts, it sets her on self-discipline even harder and works as a mental barrier between her and the companions till they get to Moonrise.

[ayankun]

AoS S4 (Agents of Hydra pod specifically) is hitting so right this time around 🥰

Not that it isn't normally something I love a lot, but I'm in a good spot right now to be over-analyzing folks' psychologies and interior motivations, and watching all these excellent performers perform excellent character writing is just blowing my mind.

And, like, I understand that the LMD/Framework storyline felt to some like a "a dream all along" kind of cop-out, but personally I can't get over the level of attention and care the writers put into asking the question, "at a certain level of complexity, is there a difference between a simulation and the real thing?" And all these characters go into this storyline with different starting points and interact with this question differently, and we get a nice big conversation on the topic with no spoon-fed answers.

Mace's story is amazing, and Framework Ward and Trip are actually so good.

Especially Framework!Ward being ACTUAL, ALGORITHMICALLY-CORRECT Ward, just with different inputs producing a different output, existing as a foil to the Doctor to show that all these Framework personalities belong to the real underlying person -- they're not AI-generated fictions, I mean -- and amount to alternate timeline versions of themselves.

So on the topic of the Doctor, what a fun (fun is NOT the right word) example of toxic masculinity as a concept that doesn't exist in a vacuum but rather is an external oppressive force exerted onto its victims by those already in power. Fitz is a deeply deeply emotional guy, by nature, and in this timeline his nurturing environment forbade displays of, AND I QUOTE, "womanly sentiments," i.e., processing his emotions in a healthy way, and he becomes cruel and vicious as a direct consequence.

Even the real, generally well-adjusted Fitz is shown to strike out in anger, he throws stuff off desks and punches rocks when he's angry, right? In the Framework, the Doctor doesn't have ANY alternate methods for channeling this huge uncomfortable emotion. It's either Bottle It Up (exhibit A: when he sees his dad's body) or Hurt Whoever Hurt You x1000 (see: all the state-sanctioned torture, personally hunting Simmons down, etc.)

(And, it's like, I think Dad!Fitz is characterized as being that stiff-upper-lip person by nature. His worldview is informed by what makes instinctive sense to HIM, and maybe he wouldn't be as much of a negative impact in the world around him if he also had the capacity to see that other people ... are different!!! His son is different. The narrative here is explicitly that the Doctor is what Leopold Fitz would have become if the universe allowed his father undue influence over Fitz's own worldview -- if his father used his parental authority to hold Fitz accountable for adopting and perpetuating his toxic, one-size-fits-all worldview.)

Which, I think -- I think -- is the problem. Thee capital P problem. People in authority trying to put people in black-and-white boxes, no matter what, even when that isn't going to work.

Daisy and Aida talked around this point, Aida the bad parent saying "I'm just giving them what they want" and Daisy the childhood trauma victim saying "sometimes what people want isn't right for them." (I know that Daisy saying this is also meant to be her reflecting on her post-S3 journey of self-distruction, and her getting to this point is a major milestone in her recovery but)

This conversation leads to the reveal of Aida's true goal -- self-determination. Her own "childhood" trauma has led her to this point. She was L I T E R A L L Y programmed to behave according to Radcliffe's personal worldview (side note: chief among his desires is to prolong and enhance life; you think Aida's NOT going to react badly when her own "life" is threatened???? She literally doesn't have another option than to preserve herself at all costs. She's mirror-verse Agnes, facing her own mortality not with Agnes' grace but with Radcliffe's ethically-unhinged stubbornness.)

Aida had a pad parent, who was blind to her needs (and/or deliberately chose not to meet them), and this is the result. #notallandroids

I got lost, but I think what I'm trying to say is something something cycles of generational trauma?

[sunsetkite]

the thing I can't get over about those Minecraft Squid Games Sirenhead Minions etc. crossover baby sensory videos is that they're made with so much care. I won't call the jumpcuts and flying cameras "cinematography", nor will I even try to defend Hungry Frog, but (long post incoming)

the animation / rigging of regular player models to do distinctly non-Minecraft actions while still looking like things that could happen in Minecraft, the scenes where you realise they've coordinated upwards of 20 actors, any time they do a callback to a previous episode -- heck, any time "continuity" can be spotted within an episode is more than enough to ask for, considering their supposed audience is algorithm-fried children who can't remember what happened more than 30 seconds ago

scrapy's most recent video (at the time of posting) is a really great example of this. the full title is, and i quote, "WHO to SAVE the SHEEP or HEROBRINE or HAMOOD? Cursed MINECRAFT BUT IT'S UNLUCKY LUCKY FUNNY MOMENTS". sounds like clickbait garbage meant to prey upon victims of the youtube algorithm. upon watching it, you would.. still be justified in saying it is. HOWEVER do not overlook moments like the rigging in the first minute and final scene (10:05), the fact that they swapped herobrine's skin to a more ragged and torn one after he was dropped into the pond full of Guardians (0:17, 0:36), using a frog as a grappling hook (5:50), however on earth they did the wall/ceiling-walking (6:15), etc

and the diversity of voicelines has improved drastically over time. the videos are narrated entirely by clips sourced from the internet. about a year ago, voicelines were mainly used to react to events (ie "I'm really rich." when diamonds or dollars show up, or "Oh no!" when something bad happens), but more recently (especially in the Talking Ben videos) they're used to have primitive, telegraphic conversations.

also they sampled "out of my way, son!" from Door Stuck. that deserves its own bullet point.

if you ask me i will tell you there is as much lore connecting these videos as there is in some SMPs. (..that being said, i will be overabundant in my use of red string). i will detail the relationship between scrapy and his frenemy, the derp face character (when they meet in life-or-death scenarios such as the Squid Games, their first instincts are to antagonise each other, but scrapy still reacts negatively to the frenemy getting hurt/killed). i will tell you that talking ben is akin in purpose to a shinigami. i will dissertate upon the significance of the lamb.

however. however! i will not be beating the "these are baby sensory videos, kite" allegations today sorry

(alts in ids)

[nkhrchuwuya]

dolled-up

bungou stray dogs | T | 665 words nakahara chuuya x reader/OC

chuuya likes dressing you up. and when someone has something bad to say about it? well...

you and chuuya get a lot of looks when you’re walking down the street. especially after he started dressing you up. at first, chuuya would always volunteer to drive you in a car or at least on a motorcycle, to avoid prying eyes, and for your own safety. but after a certain amount of time, it became dull, monotonous, and really, a little restricting.

so you made a compromise. you wear your “regular, commoner clothes” (your words) when you’re out alone, and when you do have to wear your “stylish, chuuya-approved clothes” (your words still) you’ll have to be out with him, so he can assure that no one dares to do anything more than look. and he’d agreed to that. and you’d agreed to that, not knowing the level of how far “assuring” chuuya meant when he haggled it into the explanation.

until today.

“chuuya!”

the man stumbles backwards, falls on his ass to the ground with a yelp clutching his cheek. chuuya had aimed for the center of his face, but moved it sideways when he heard your clarity-inducing voice. he doesn’t have time to deal with lowlifes like this. he just had to land a blow and then the both of you can go.

so dislocating the man’s jaw was enough. he didn’t even need to use his ability.

your instinct is to rush toward the injured man, the very same man who, just seconds ago, had insinuated you might be some sort of gold-digging whore with a dirty, scheming boyfriend. all because the two of you were just the slightly dressed up above average for a little dinner and then a chill planetarium date because there were shooting stars tonight.

a whore?

“i dare you to fucking say that again with your face like that,” chuuya growls, the only thing holding him back from throwing another blow being your hand around his wrist. the orange of the sunset illuminates his face in an angry glow that makes his features light in an intimidating glow. “wanna find out what i’m going to do to you next?”

you tug at his wrist again. “chuuya, he’s had enough. let’s go.”

really, you’re the only voice of reason when he gets like this. with a huff, chuuya snaps out of it and you gratefully pull him next to you. you try to look regretful at the “poor victim” while inside boiling him alive for what he’s said to you and chuuya. with a deadpan look at the nearest bystander—because of course there are people watching—you say, “please call him an ambulance.”

and then, with one last look at the man, the two of you leave the scene without another word.

once you’ve gotten far enough, the sunset giving in to twilight’s violet glow, you hit chuuya at the shoulder with your hand. you understand why he reacted like that, and inwardly you are thankful because you wouldn’t have had the courage to do it yourself, but at the same time… “did you have to act so violently?”

“didya think i was gonna tolerate that?” he huffs, remorseless. “can’t let him think he’s right.”

you frown. “i get it, but you don’t have to make a scene every time.”

sensing your upset, chuuya turns to you. “can’t promise, love, but i’ll try.”

“good. you should try your best.”

“maybe i won’t try as hard.”

you glower. “chuuya!”

chuuya laughs unapologetically as the two of you turn the corner to the restaurant. he links his arms with yours and you lean, for the slightest of moments, against his shoulder. he doesn’t give one shit what other people think about you, of the both of you. he’s going to make sure his highness is dressed exactly the way they want in the most beautiful of ways no matter how simple or extravagant. and he’ll make sure no one has any negative things to say about it.

[redrobin-detective]

Side Effects of ghost powers

Hey all! I’m writing a DP fic called Side Effects exploring the physical and later mental/emotional impact of Danny initially getting his ghost powers. As an ICU stepdown nurse for 3 years, I wanted to view Danny’s accident through a slightly more realistic, medical lens. 

Note: I had to fudge a good amount because Danny really should have fucking died and there’s no getting around that.

I do recommend you read the fic first before reading this as there’s some spoilers. Or if you don’t care you can read on. So! The two factors we are looking at regarding the accident are: ecto-contamination secondary to electrocution. 

Electrocution

I was forced to downplay a lot of the severe symptoms of electrocution because, again, a bad enough shock will kill someone. My hand-wavey explanation is simply that the portal didn’t activate at a deadly voltage so he got a good shock but not enough to be fatal. I guess.

Muscle weakness/spasms: intermittent muscle spasms are common from shocks, muscles being activated by electricity and reacting to the lingering impulses. Danny’s is transient but quite annoying for a time. But his muscles are gonna be weak and achy af for days if not weeks after from the massive contractions caused by the shock and the after effects. Sensory issues: lots of things can cause nerve damage, including electrocution so Danny is experiencing some pretty severe neuropathy primarily manifesting with numbness and tingling throughout his body. His entire skin and peripheral nervous system got fried so while its mostly numb it’s also super sensitive for a bit of time causing massive pain and discomfort from your body tingling like a thousand bee stings. It’s worst in the hours after the accident but is something that never quite really goes back to normal both from the electrocution and his ghost half taking over and generally dulling his sense of touch.

Hearing/Vision loss: Like skin/nerves, your sensory organs in your eyes and ears would be affected by such a severe and allover electric shock. Danny has some blurred and occasionally double vision from his eyes not properly receiving/understanding input. Hearing loss is common following electricity given how delicate the inner ear is but I just give Danny some nasty tinnitus (ear ringing) for a bit. This inner ear problem also massively throws off his balance when he’s trying to move post accident. These factors are exacerbated by the ecto-contamination and mostly fade in the days following the accident before going away as his superhuman healing kicks in.

Heart Arrhythmia: an irregular heartbeat caused by the electrical impulses that control basal heartrate not coordinating they they should for a variety of reasons, in this case, massive electric shock. Danny would be somewhat aware of it, its not exactly painful exactly but you can just feel that your heart isn’t beating right. Secondary side effects are dizziness, chest pain, fatigue and shortness of breath. This resolves almost entirely when Danny stabilizes

Cognitive issues: Danny got his brains a little scrambled in addition to his molecules being rearranged. The first third of the story Danny is very clearly NOT thinking straight and Tucker/Sam should not have left him alone. Shocks can cause things like irrational emotional behaviors from hormone release along with memory loss and depression. He constantly waxes and wanes in mood and opinions on what to do in the story and never comes to a true decision that, damn lucky for him, worked out on its own.

Ecto-Contamination

Alright so Danny got massively shocked, sucks right but people live through that all the time. Ecto-contamination is more tricky (not only cause its made up and I had to think about what symptoms it would theoretically produce) but because the effects are more life threatening. It’s also irreversible, once he was contaminated it was only something that could be survived not cured. 

So I theorized that Danny got shocked by the accident and was slowly dying of ecto-contamination and was pretty much clinically dead for a brief moment there, the death was enough for the large quantity of ectoplasm in him to immediately coalesce into a ghost (Phantom). So Danny was mostly dead but not quite, I’ve coded and brought back enough people to know it can be reversed somewhat. Danny becomes Phantom but the sudden stable formation of the ectoplasm into what its supposed to be, a ghost, caused his body to stop fighting the ectoplasm as a foreign invader and become part of the self. His core finished forming in his chest and his body started back up again, his ghost safely nestled in his once again living body as he slowly comes to grips with his actual death experience. 

Nausea/Vomiting: I likened the idea of ecto-contamination to radiation poisoning, something that is essentially the antithesis to life. One of the first symptoms of radiation is n/v which is also why it’s one of the first overt symptoms Danny has. He was heavily electrocuted/irradiated and his body wants to expunge it all. As for the ectoplasm/blood he vomits, that’s the next section. 

Gastrointestinal (GI) Bleed: So I was a little mean here. When one vomits up blood (or in this case ectoplasm/blood mix) it has to come from somewhere and a lot of the times it’s a GI Bleed. These are nasty, they need to be either cauterized or surgically repaired not to mention replenishing the blood lost. Fanon says that ectoplasm is at least mildly corrosive to humans so it is here, as it’s bonding to him, it’s literally eating him very slowly from the inside out which is causing a great deal of his internal pain. It’s not enough to be immediately life threatening but would kill him eventually. He developed some nasty bleeding ulcers in his stomach which let in blood and ectoplasm which were expunged. Danny’s core formed overnight and began healing the damage it had previously been causing but Dan is still gonna be vomiting excess blood/ectoplasm not to mention having black, tarry stools for at least a few days afterwards.

Hypothermia/Tremors: Hypothermia is when the body hits 95F/35C which Danny is just above at the start of the chapter. Danny initially starts shaking really bad (rigors) but as his body temperature cools further his shaking slows and eventually stops, a sure sign that the body is rapidly losing the fight to hypothermia and will likely die soon without immediate intervention. This is caused not only by the ectoplasm but his ice core shakily starting to form inside of him. Once he fully turns half ghost his hypothermia doesn’t change but it just no longer negatively affects him (I say Danny hovers naturally around 96-95F/35-33C getting much colder as Phantom at baseline. His body still can be damaged by going too cold but that’s a whole other post.) 

Incoherency/Hallucinations: I mentioned in the electrocution section that Danny is more than a little addled and the contamination didn’t help in that regard. Not only is he not thinking clearly but he’s also getting a little delirious and seeing things. Common hallucinations I see are: someone in the room watching you, things crawling on the walls, creeping shadows, you’re in the wrong place. I think its a solid 50/50 as far as Danny straight up hallucinating but also becoming more aware of natural ectoplasm that hangs around in the atmosphere. (And before anyone asks, yes Clockwork did come and visit, Danny just doesn’t remember)

Pain: Being electrocuted, irradiated, being dissolved slowly on the inside is enough to cause massive amounts of pain. Danny is 14, he doesn’t understand true pain and probably underestimated how much it would hurt. Once it got bad, it was almost paralyzing so it got to the point where even when he wanted to call for help, he couldn’t move or think past the horrible pain of his every molecule slowly dying and rearranging itself.

Weakness/Fatigue: I don’t really have anything much to add for this section that hasn’t been said in the others. Just the combination of all of the above meant Danny is so incredibly weak and fatigued, this will be problematic in the days and weeks following the accident as his body heals from the stress put on it. Poor boy was probably just getting past the worst of his symptoms by the time of the Lunch lady attack one month in.

Ghost instinct: Going off the medical rant for a minute to go into another aspect of the contamination present in the story, the idea of ectoplasm adding inherent ghostiness to Danny. Its common fanon that all ghosts (through ectoplasm) have their own unique code and language that is just omnipresent and instinctive. Such a massive, body altering dose of ectoplasm saw those things start to leech into Danny even before he became half ghost. The biggest is his fear of being seen, majority of ghosts are completely invisible and don’t want to be seen by the living. As Danny’s suffering and literally dying, he can’t bring himself to confess to his loved ones for very understandable reasons but also this ghostly instinct in the back of his head telling him to hide and get away. Other instincts are a strong attraction to the portal/Ghost Zone, lowkey being able to sense living people around him and a bit of an emotional dampener when Phantom. 

[bump1nthen1ght]

Pack Tactics (Werewolf x Reader)

Pairing: Fem!Reader/Male!Werewolf

Genre: Urban Fantasy, Established Couple, Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2896 words

Summary: You are in a wonderful relationship with your sweet partner, Gray. But this far into the relationship, you’ve yet to tell him you have no intentions ever of having kids. You can’t help but wonder, how will your child-loving werewolf boyfriend will react?

Request: I live for very specific comfort! No pressure if this doesn’t inspire you or if you just don’t want to write it obvi.... but could I have a f!reader x m!werewolf where the reader is 100% sure she doesn’t want to have kids ever never ever in any capacity and is worried about how her werewolf bf is going to react, worried she’ll be dumped or something (ya know cause idk I feel like werewolves are built with a breeding kink and like into the whole having a lot of pups) there can be smut if you want!! I love me some dramatic angst comfort :)))))))

A/N: Sorry this took so long y’all, school and stuff has been kicking my ass. But writing this sweet little fic has been a nice reprieve from my work. Hope you enjoy!

“Alright, I’ll get the chicken, the asparagus, and the pasta. You’ve got the wine and the dessert?”

“Sure thing.”

The two of you nod, Gray stepping away from the grocery cart before you call out to him.

“And not one of those huge tubs of ice cream.”

Gray emits a dramatic whine, pouting.

“But the big one is 25 cents cheaper than those little pints. It’s practically free!”

You furrow your brow and pat him on the shoulder.

“Not if we don’t finish them, they aren’t. Now go.” Gray rolls his eyes, clutching his heart and throwing his head back. You playfully push him, walking away with the grocery cart and towards the deli section. You can see the top of Gray’s wild brown hair as he moves into the next aisle, his 6’5” form towering over all the little old ladies who usually crowd the store.

You’re browsing the chicken, trying to decide between 2 breasts or a full rotisserie, when a familiar sound reaches you.

“Oh! If it isn’t ____.” You forcibly paint a smile, fingers automatically clenched around the stellafoam package as you turn to see your next door neighbor Mrs. Star. Her teased, bleached blonde hair teeters on top of her head, bobbing back and forth with the clack of her neon blue heels. While you can respect the 60-year old for digging her feet in and refusing to update her wardrobe from the 80’s, her pension for gossip is a little less admirable. “Shocked to see you out and about, what with that big ol boyfriend of yours.” She says, blue eyeshadow crinkling into a wink and nudging you with your elbow. You wheeze a bit, quickly covering it with a laugh. “Back in our honeymoon phase, Richard and I barely left the bedroom. And he was half-way balding back then, not the babe-a-rama you got going over there.” Mrs. Star’s laugh reaches a pitch almost too high for your human ears to pick up, maybe even giving Gray 2 aisles over a headache.

“Well, y’know, gotta keep our energy up.” You wince, immediately berating yourself for that comment. Mrs. Star throws her hand up in a “oh, you” gesture, letting out another half-whistle half-screeching chuckle.

“Oh I do, honey, I do.” She sends you another dramatic wink, which you return with a shaky smile. The corner of your cart bumps into hers as you begin walking along the meat aisle, trying to forcibly end this interaction. But Mrs. Star pulls off an impressive turn with her cart and strolls alongside you. She does little to hide her wandering eyes, trying to piece together any juicy info from your groceries. “So, are you two trying for kids yet?”

The wheels squeal to a sudden stop, forcing you to choke on your saliva as the shopping cart’s handle digs into your stomach. You keep your gaze locked on the frozen steaks  and turkeys, already way past the chicken you meant to grab.

“Uhhh, no. We’re not really in the phase of our relationship yet.”

Mrs. Star clicks her tongue, pressing her hand to her chest in a show of embarrassment. “I’m sorry, dearie. Old habits you see, whenever a new couple moves in together I assume they’re halfway to the wedding already. You young kids like to take it slow, huh?”

You nod, hastily grabbing a package of buffalo wings, hoping for an excuse to escape this conversation.

Mrs. Star continues to walk by you, her cart blocking off any convenient means to leave unless you significantly pick up her speed. Her eyes glance over the sweats sat in a display in the center of the aisle, humming a small tune.

The end of the aisle is approaching, you’re almost home free! You ready your feet to book it with an excuse, but Mrs. Star clears her throat and begins to speak.

“Now dearie, I don’t mean to pry-”

What do you call these last 3 minutes, Star?

“But I’d at least pop on a ring on that finger soon. Someday someone’s going to snatch that boy up like a piece of meat, saying all the right things. Men got all those suspicions about over-the-hill pregnancies, his eyes might start wandering. That’s how my first divorce went, so I should know.”

You pull your cart to a stop, breathe catching as you look at Mrs. Star, shocked. You can handle some inappropriate questions, but to question your boyfriend’s loyalty and insulting your relationship is crossing another line. Your brows furrow with a simmering anger, your cheeks heating up as you're ready to let loose.

“Well, Mrs. Star, if you must know I have the most wonderful boyfriend on this side of the planet, and unlike your deadbeat first husband, he’s as loyal as they can be.” Mrs. Star looks at you, eyes widened and right hand halfway to grab a pack of oreos. You huff, pushing your cart away from hers and towards the cash register. Right before you leave her sight, you turn back to her with a simpering smirk. “Have a great day, Mrs. Star!”

Your heart is heaving with anger, prepping a rant to Gray about the horrible interaction you just had. On the other side of the store, you spot Gray, his curly hair all tussled, holding a large Rosé and a package of ice cream sandwiches. Just the sight of his back calms you a bit, excited for some delicious food and late-night cuddles. You jog a little towards him, but slow down when you see him crouch down, looking at something hidden from your sight.

You turn your shopping cart slightly, trying to peer behind his massive form, and freeze.

Gray’s sticking out his tongue, pushing up his nose, and making many more silly gestures to a baby in a stroller. The baby laughs, it’s chubby cheeks bright red as Gray blows another raspberry, thrashing its arms up and down with joy. The dad is laughing at Gray’s antics, leaning down and patting his kid on the head.

Gray promptly stands up, sending another big smile to the kid, before waving goodbye. The six-month-old waves back, uncoordinated and decidedly adorable. Gray laughs, turning away and walking towards you.

Your feet feel cemented to the floor, heart down in your stomach.

He’s a natural, you think, nausea building up in your throat.

Gray was the oldest of eight, not a large number for a werewolf family. You adored them, and they you, but Gray had a way of dealing with his youngest siblings. Whether it was letting them climb all over him like a jungle gym, or attending imaginary tea parties, Gray was a pro. He was the guy to cram himself into a tiny chair at the kids table, eating tiny cookies and cracking jokes. ‘Dad’ seemed to be stamped into his very being, the cuddly werewolf with a love of children. He’s any mother-in-law’s dream.

But all those sweet things turn sour when you think about what Mrs. Star said. Gray, moving on without you.

Gray’s eyes light up when he sees your cart, jogging over and holding up the bottle of wine like a prize.

“Hey!” He says, quickly sliding an arm around your waist and giving you a peck on the cheek. “I got your favorite, and those delicious mint-chocolate sandwiches.”

His happy voice and comforting touch help abate whatever it is your feeling, but the way Gray’s brow furrows tells you your  discomfort is present in your eyes. “Is everything okay?” His large hand comes up and rubs your shoulder. You give him a shaky smile, fighting away negative thoughts with a bat.

“Yeah, let’s go home.”

---------

Wet fur presses up against your bare neck as you lazily stir the boiling water, Gray’s shifted muzzle now snug in the crook of your shoulder, the white flecks across his dark fur peeking into your periphery. Your free hand instinctively goes back to scratch between his ears, causing him to let out a satisfied huff, hot air blowing across your chest.

“That smells good baby.”

“It’s just salt and water Gray. The pasta’s barely al dente.”

Gray laughs, turning his head  slightly so he can press a small kiss onto your cheek.

“You could make even that taste delicious, ____”

You dramatically roll your eyes, pushing away his chin as he continues to peck and nip at your neck. After showering Gray always made sure to rub in some cherry-blossom leave-in conditioner into his fur. The artificial perfumes just lightly touch your senses, but the mental connection they have to Gray make them smell that much sweeter. You turn and give him a quick kiss on the lips, patting his shoulder once more.

“Do you mind setting the table? Maybe get started on those messy dishes?”

“No problem.” Gray mumbles, reluctantly pulling away from you and tugging up the towel that hangs loose on his hips. He barely needs to reach for your fancy plates on the top shelf, his chest muscles flexing and bicep taut. Even with his thick fur, you can see the bone of his clavicle which accentuates his long neck.

God, he’s so hot.

You think, smirking a bit as you continue stirring.

And all mine.

You hum, but the cheery mood you’re in quickly sours once you remember your conversation with Mrs. Star. That small seed of doubt seems to grow and leech from your chest.

2 years into this relationship and the two of you have only danced around the conversation of the future. You of course had agreed on living together, what your career paths looked like, even the potential of getting married in a couple years, but never kids. As two 20-somethings, you felt like you had all the time in the world.

But the thing was, you didn’t really need all the time in the world.

You didn't want kids. Even with your family or your neighbors needing that your opinion “might change some day,” you were confident in that decision. Not that you hated them, you just could never picture yourself being a mom. A fun aunt, maybe, but never a mom. It wasn’t even a point of contention in your own mind; The picture of you, your partner, and maybe a couple of pets thriving into your elders was bliss enough.

You sneak a glance to Gray, now clothed and back turned to you as he sets the table. He’s diligently folding the napkins into  fun shapes, a ritual he does every date night. From the hole in his jeans you can see his tail wagging, content as he hums to the low radio playing on the window sill.

A smile crawls onto your face, a small giggle escaping you as you watch Gray’s hips bob to the beat, silently mouthing the words. You snort as he does a dramatic little shoulder shift, Gray’s head whipping back towards the kitchen as you throw your hand over your mouth.

“What, don't you like my moves?” Gray says, shimmering his shoulders again, a large grin across his face.

“They could use some work, Kevin Bacon.” Gray clutches his chest, throwing his head back in mock pain.

“You wound me. After all these years, you would cut me so deep?”

“Sure would.” You turn back towards the simmering pasta, setting the wooden spoon on the rim and brushing your hands on your jeans. “Oof!” You squeak as you yanked away, Gray wrapping his arms around your waist, twirling you in a stumbling circle.

“And how ‘bout now, m’lady?” Gray simpers, eyebrow cocked. Your hands slap his chest as you laugh. He lets your feet back down on the floor, but keeps his arms locked around your waist. The two of you slow dance to the beat, and when the chorus hits, Gray gives his worst rendition possible. You bemoan and feign plugging your ears, but find yourself singing along anyway.

Everything about Gray is warm and bright, from his goofy grin to his excitable tail to his two left feet. He adds that pep of energy to your daily routine, pulling you out of an exhausting cycle for a quick jog to the beach or an episode of your favorite drama. Gray fills out all of those little spaces, makes them a little less gray.

Your head rests against his chest, feeling the fur through the fabric of his t-shirt as the two of you sway back and forth.

You want it to stay this way.

But that pestering weed squeezes your heart again, forcing images of Gray with a kid on his shoulders. Showing up to little-league football games with a big cooler and a “#1 dad” T-shirt. All those little moments, all without you.

You can’t fight the deep sigh, pressing your face even deeper into Gray.

Just let me have this. Just this moment, just for now.

-------

“Ugh, I think my stomach is going to explode from excess-pasta.”

Gray huffs, laying his head on your lap as the two of you slump onto the couch. His tail wags lazily, flickering back and forth as his legs swing over the coach's side, his long torso bunched up as he curls into you. The fur of his head is soft as you twist your fingers into it. “But I gotta say, what a way to go out.”

You giggle, losing your thoughts in his soft fur. Gray lets out another deep breath, nuzzling his face into your hand. You brush over his cheek with your  thumb, admiring the cheekbone you feel just underneath.

But that burning question refuses to leave your mind, and you ask it without even thinking.

“Do you want kids, Gray?”

Gray’s eye’s stay closes, his posture relaxed as he sinks into your massaging fingers.

“Hmmm, maybe. Never really thought too much about it. Why?”

Your throat dries up, mind reeling. It wasn’t even a definitive yes, but your heart is still reeling. Your fingers pause and Gray's eyes open. He shifts his head when he sees the look on your face, concerned. “Babe?”

You nod, eyes still wide, trying to fight off the inklings of a panic attack. Gray pushes himself up on his elbows, paw quickly coming to caress your cheek. “Baby, is everything alright?”

You find the energy to breathe, and suck in deeply. Your heart begins to slow down as you look into Gray’s yellow wolf eyes. You dig your cheek into his large palm, smelling the perfume of his conditioner.

“Yes, sorry, I just-” You pause, taking another deep breath. “I ran into Mrs. Star in the grocery store, and-I’m sorry I’m overthinking things.” You mutter, patting yourself  on the cheek as to snap yourself out of your mood. Grays other hand rubs the back of your neck.

“It’s okay, baby, I’m here. Did she say something?”

“No-Well, yes. It’s silly, typical Star things. She just brought up how ‘ought to get started having kids, and it just-” You let out a shaky sigh, pulling away Gray’s hand with your own and looking him straight in the eye. “I don’t want to have kids, ever.”

In Gray’s eyes, you expect to….something. Confusion, disappointment, maybe? But instead, all you see is relief. Gray rests his paw on your thigh, squeezing it.

“_____, is that what you’ve been worrying about?” You nod, throwing your eyes back down, but Gray tilts your chin towards him. “If you don’t want kids, we won’t have kids. Simple as that.”

Your eyes widen and you pull your face back.

“Seriously? But-what if-”

“____, I grew up with eight siblings. I’m going to have to deal with more nieces and nephews then I can count on my fingers and my toes, I think I can handle not having kids.”

A weight lifts off of your chest and you slump forward into Gray, pressing your forehead against his clavicles as you let out a long, relieved sigh. He laughs, patting your back and kissing the top of your head. “I’m sorry you had to deal with this all day, I didn’t even realize you were so upset.”

You slap his chest, letting out another frustrated sigh. With him? No, but yourself, and Mrs. Star, for stirring up nightmares for no damn good reason.

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine for being so paranoid.” You press your chin up, pouty lips admiring your boyfriend's face. “I’m sorry for freaking out. She really got me into my own head.”

“No apologies needed baby.” Gray says, giving you a small peck. You send him a cheesy smile, chasing after his lips with a couple of small kisses. A low rumble growls out from his chest as you nip at his jawline. Behind him, you hear his tail begin to hump on the floor.

“Hmm, does that mean you feel better?” You nod, pressing another kiss into his pulse point.

“Yes, thank you for letting me get that out.” Another kiss, now on his Adam’s apple.

“Welp,” Gray says, quickly adjusting himself. In another second, you yelp as he picks you up by your butt, legs quickly wrapping around his waist, “Let’s give Mrs. Star something to talk about, hmm?”

You throw your head back with a laugh, clinging tight to his chest as Gray blows a raspberry into your neck. “That good with you, my lady?”

You nod, giving him another kiss on the lips as he carries you off into the bedroom.

Yeah, you have it good.

[missymurphy1985]

Miracles (sequel to Reminiscing)

You'd been trying for a baby with Cillian for over a year now without success - he isn't getting any younger... What's next for the two of you?

Taglist:

@being-worthy @peakyscillian @queenshelby @noctvrnalmoth @margoo0 @janelongxox

"Baby it'll happen when it happens..." Cillian soothed your tears as he held you on the bedroom floor. Your period had just arrived, which meant only one thing. No baby. You'd been trying now for nearly 15 months and nothing but negative pregnancy tests and more sanitary products. You'd tried changing your diets.. you'd both cut out alcohol and caffeine.. but nothing.

"What if it doesn't, Cill? What if it never happens?" You dried your tears on the sleeve of your t shirt and sank into his arms.

"Let's book in with that fertility doctor yeah? Get some tests run, find out what's stopping us having a baby?" He lifted you back to kiss you. You nodded, reluctantly. You were dreading this.. what if you were the problem? Clearly Cillian was fine, he had the two boys.. if you weren't able to give him a baby you'd never forgive yourself.. would he even stay with you? The baby had been his idea... The thought alone made you feel sick.

"How about a weekend away? Just you and me, we'll head to Kerry and just relax for a few days?" You smiled. He always knew how to make you feel better. Nodding your head, he pulled you up from the floor and held you close. "Let's just get away from it all - no more talk of babies, just us, agreed?"

"Okay.. agreed."

The following day you woke feeling sore and achy. Your lower back feeling like you'd been kicked by a horse. Grimacing slightly, you lifted yourself out of bed to the kitchen where Cillian was making coffee.

"Hey, you okay?" He saw you limping slightly.

"Yeah, must've slept funny, my back is so sore!"

"Why don't you go lie down, I'll bring your coffee through?"

"I need to get ready, I'm meeting Lisa for a coffee this afternoon."

"I'm sure she'll understand if you're not feeling great y/n?"

"It's just a bit of back pain, I'll be fine once I've stretched it out. Don't worry," you smiled, kissing his lips and taking the decaf coffee from him. You pulled away suddenly as a sharp pain suddenly washed over your lower abdomen.

"And now we have period pain too... Wonderful..." You felt your eyes watering at the harsh reminder that you weren't pregnant and Cillian pulled you into his arms again.

"I'll call Lisa, go get back in bed." You rolled your eyes in annoyance. "I'm not asking, y/n." Feeling irritated, you made your way back upstairs and got under the covers. Cillian joining you shortly after with a hot water bottle, glass of water and some paracetamol. You took the tablets and Cillian placed the water bottle on your lower belly, before climbing in behind you and holding you close. He could feel your body tense every now and again.

"Hey, you okay?" He rubbed a hand up and down your arm to soothe you.

"My back keeps spasming babe, must've really done a number on it.." he pulled back from you slightly and ran a hand over your lower back trying to soothe it. He could feel the spasms as they came off and on every few minutes, the worry growing in his stomach. You were normally so fit, working out in your basement gym downstairs three times a week, yoga every Saturday.. pulling a muscle sleeping didn't sound likely to him.

You felt yourself drifting off to sleep as Cillian's hands massaged your lower back. The heat from the hot water bottle easing the cramps in your tummy.

You woke a few hours later to a white hot pain across your stomach and you cried out, clutching your belly. The pressure in your stomach was so intense you called out.

"Cillian!! Baby you there??" No answer. You reached for your phone on the bedside table and called him.

"Hey, you're awake -"

"Cillian come home.. please it hurts!!!" You heard the car screech to a halt.

"What hurts? Baby where are you? I'm on my way, 10 minutes okay?"

"Please... God it hurts!!!" Cillian stayed on the phone but you heard him talking to his sister in the passenger seat.

"Orla, call an ambulance, you're gonna have to come with me. Y/n stay on the phone until I get there baby okay?" You were panting now, the pain was unbearable. You could hear Cillian swearing at other cars, he must've been driving like a maniac... You didn't care, you just needed him now.. Orla was talking now, she must've been on the phone to the ambulance service, you heard her give them your address before you screamed as another white hot pain shot across your belly.

Panting through the pain, you felt the pressure in your pelvis start to increase in intensity. You pulled yourself to your feet slowly, and made your way to the bathroom. You were sweating from every where, your temperature soaring to new heights. You pulled your underwear down and sat on the toilet, convinced whatever it was you'd eaten that was causing this was about to make a dramatic exit. In that moment you heard Cillian and Orla burst into the bedroom, Cillian making his way into the bathroom to you. You didn't even feel embarrassed that you were sat on the toilet you were just grateful that he was there.

"It hurts so bad Cill... Please make it stop!!!!" You screamed, as a sudden need to push took over you. Cillian was frozen in panic, completely helpless, he didn't know what to do. Orla suddenly took charge, pushing Cillian to the side to check you over. You stood up slightly, your body taking over completely.

"Holy shit..... y/n lie down on the floor, come on... Cillian, get a fucking towel!!" Orla guided you slowly to the bathroom floor and opened your legs, Cillian quickly grabbing a towel that she placed under your hips.

"Fuck... Okay y/n look at me.. you're going to feel a need to push and I need you go with it okay? Just breathe... You're gonna be fine.."

"The fuck is happening Orla??" You screamed.

"You having a baby y/n.. right now.. Cillian get that end and hold her.. Get your shit together y/n and push!!" Cillian didn't have time to react before Orla pulled him to sit behind you holding you, your back to his chest as you gripped his hands and bore down as hard as you could. There was no time to think about anything else. The pain was like nothing you'd felt before in your life. Cillian breathed with you, grimacing slightly as his knuckles were being gripped like a vice but focusing his attention on getting you through this.

Within seconds the paramedics had arrived through the door Cillian had left open downstairs and taken over from Orla, giving you a mouthpiece to breathe into.

"Gas and air babe, it'll help, just breathe in and out okay?" Cillian whispered in your ear as you did as you were told and instantly felt the pain subside slightly. One paramedic was between your legs, the other radioing the hospital to let them know what was happening and to expect a mum and baby imminently.

The room was filled with the sound of a baby's cry. You heard Orla burst into tears, whilst you and Cillian were still too in shock to fully process what was happening. The paramedics offered Cillian a pair of surgical scissors to cut the cord, before placing the tiny baby girl in your arms. At that moment you both cried, looking down at the tiny bundle who was starting to settle, searching for your breast. You instinctively fed her, and Cillian gently stroked her head.

"Where the hell were you hiding her??" You looked up at him and laughed.

"I was about to ask you, when did you put her in there?!"

************************************

Opening your eyes, you felt hands roaming over your body as you lay in bed pretending you were still asleep. Those hands knew you better though and teased between your legs making your body shudder.

"I reckon we've got 10minutes before the 'threenager' wakes up... You'd better make this quick Cillian..." You turned onto your side and opened your legs inviting his now rock hard cock to rest between them. His fingers skilfully toying your clit making you moan softly. Easing himself inside from behind you, he began thrusting slowly. The only position available to you, your swollen belly now too large for any other.

"Fuck.. y/n.. still so tight..." You arched your back into his thrusts from behind you, both of you knowing this could be the last time before you had your new baby, due any time now. This pregnancy being much less of a shock than the first - you found out about 7 weeks in and you'd blossomed quickly. You'd loved feeling the little kicks, seeing your baby on the monitors at your scans, choosing names... You'd experienced it all and had relished every single second of it, making up for missing the first one's milestones.

"This really isn't going to last long.. you feel too good... Full of my child..."

"Cill keep talking to me.. I'm close..."

"Watching your body grow... Fuck you have no idea what that's done to me.."

Your hips rocked back against him almost frantically, his fingers still pressing on that bundle of nerves drawing your orgasm even closer. Before long you came hard against him, muffling your cries into the pillow so as not to wake your daughter in the next room. He followed not long after, spilling deep inside you.

Kissing your shoulder he pulled out, running his hands over your belly again and holding you close. A sudden giggle of your daughter emitting from the doorway.

"Mama!! What was Daddy doing behind you?" You pulled the duvet over you and Cillian helped you into a sitting position, your daughter climbing in-between you.

"Ready for some breakfast Niamh?" Cillian said as he booped his daughters nose and she moved to bite him playfully.

"Baby?" She pointed to your belly.

"Not yet little lady, soon though we promise." Cillian climbed out of bed and pulled his jeans on, picking the little girl up in his arms he playfully swung her over his shoulder, her legs in the air. You laughed watching Cillian bounce her over his shoulder, blowing raspberries into her waist making her squirm and giggle. Feeling another twinge in your lower abdomen you smiled.

"Maybe sooner rather than later Niamh, I think it might be time for that sleepover at Aunty Orla's house!"

The look of shock in Cillian's eyes made you laugh. "They do say it speeds things along Cill, don't look so surprised," you winced as he called his sister.

"You ready for this?" He kissed your head as he dialled the number.

"Definitely more ready than last time!" You laughed and tweaked your daughter's nose. "Let's get your bag shall we little lady?"

"No you don't, you stay there. I'll sort her out and Orla will come pick her up. You feeling okay?"

"Yep - I'm okay, they're not too bad for now. Her bag's on the hook behind her bedroom door already packed. My bag is in the closet downstairs ready. Just need to call the midwife and we're grand okay?"

"Love you... So much..." He kissed you gently and called Orla to come pick Niamh up. Your heart felt completely full and you couldn't wait to meet your latest addition.

[beelsnack]

I know this happens to plenty of people. You work in fast food or retail and your just trying to make a living. Whether your saving to get out of a crappy household ASAP, no matter the job, paying for college, or any other reason and you WILL have shitty jerk customers (At my first job and first day, I was asked if I spoke English because I couldn’t understand him with the mask and there’s a glass in front of the food. Buddy, shush. Didn’t help that I’m sensitive, ended up crying the moment I got home. These jobs are ones where you learn to really respect these workers cause of the crap they go through when you have it as a job)

In this request, the boys visit MC in the human world when they have the chance. So, my request is how would the brothers and Diavolo (the limit was 8 right?) react to coming to the human world one night to visit MC and they see them just crying and just frustrated in general due to shitty asshole customers from work?

I feel it's necessary to let you know that I actually started working on this request while on my break at my retail job.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, friend. Pour one out for the retail workers out here busting ass during a global pandemic.

Thanks for being patient with me, friend, I know I don't really have a consistent upload schedule.

-----

Lucifer: In hindsight. he could have planned this out better.

Perhaps his own pride was to blame. He had planned to surprise the human by showing up unannounced after their shift, but he had gotten so caught up in the thought of them jumping into his arms out of sheer joy that he never considered that it might not be a good time.

"Hush now, my dear," Lucifer sat down next to where they had slumped against the wall of their living room. The carpet was slightly stained and part of him wanted to recoil, but there were more important things to worry about. "Those wretches aren't worth your tears."

He brought his arm around their shoulders, tugging them against his side and letting his cloak drape over them like a blanket. They snuggled into him almost instinctively, and he couldn't help but preen a little bit.

"I know," they hiccupped, burying their face in the crook on his neck. "It's just...sometimes it's hard not to focus on it, y'know?"

Lucifer didn't, but that didn't mean he lacked sympathy. The demon placed two gloved fingers beneath their chin and tilted their head upwards.

"Then how about you focus on me instead?"

Mammon: Turns out every Realm had its Karens. Who knew?

When Mammon had first popped into the human's place and seen them face-down on the kitchen table sobbing, his initial reaction had been violence. He wanted to find whoever made his human cry and wring the reason why out of their throat. But, after the initial bloodlust subsided, he realized that he had something way more important to worry about.

He sat down on the chair next to them, taking one of their hands and gently running his thumb over the bumps of their knuckles as they choked out what had happened. Mammon had worked his fair share of part time jobs, he was no stranger to the specific torture that was retail. So hearing that his human had to go through that made his heart break a tiny bit.

Not that he would show it, of course.

"A'ight, human, the Great Mammon is here to help." he grinned, standing up. "I know just what you need."

He strode over to their kitchen like he lived there, flung open the fridge and pulled out a bottle of alcohol.

"Mammon," the human rubbed at the dried tear tracks on their cheeks. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but...how did you know where I keep my liquor?"

"Minor details, human!"

Leviathan: His first instinct was to panic.

The human was flopped face first onto their couch when Levi showed up, and his specialty had always been jumping to conclusions. He almost took himself out on their coffee table in his haste to make sure they were breathing.

And then the human almost took him out because the logical reaction to someone suddenly bursting into your home and getting right up in your face was to a) scream and b) punch.

After the comedy of errors skit was over, the two of them were sitting upright on the couch. The human looked exhausted, both emotionally and physically, as they filled him in on their day from Hell.

(Except not because their actual days in Hell were a lot better than working retail, but that was beside the point.)

"...so not only did I have to interact with people, which is already more than enough, I got screamed at because this old lady didn't like the price of something! Yes, Helen, I personally made the prices higher just to piss you off, you've figured out my master plan!"

"Ew, no, do not want." Levi winced in sympathy. "My personal remedy is playing beat-em-ups."

"Your solution to everything is video games, Levi."

"Shh, no thoughts, only Smash Brothers."

Satan: He had so many questions.

What happened? How long had the human been sitting there stewing in their own misery? Where was he going to hide the body?

Satan was a pro at suppressing rage. So even though he wanted to go rip out the vocal chords of every soccer mom with a let-me-speak-to-the-manager haircut within a five mile radius, he reigned it in enough to settle himself down on the couch next to the distraught human and rub soothing circles on their back while they tried to tell him what happened through their sobs.

"Next time, summon me and I'll kill them for you."

"I don't think corporate would appreciate me summoning a demon in the middle of a department store."

"I don't appreciate corporate telling you that you have to stand there and be verbally abused by a wrinkly old hag who couldn't figure out what the word 'expires' meant." he huffed. The human let themselves flop heavily against his side, and when he looked down at them he noticed that the corner of their mouth had twitched up in the barest hint of a smile.

"She was, like, thirty, Satan."

"She was a wrinkly old hag in spirit."

Asmodeus: "Oh, darling, what happened?"

Usually Asmo preferred to be on his knees for a different reason, but the human was refusing to look up, so kneeling in front of them was his only option to be able to see their face. He reached up to cup their cheeks, wiping away a few tears with his thumbs. "Shh, it's alright, I'm here, darling. Tell me what happened."

They sniffled, a few fresh tears spilling over when they blinked. "I-I'm sorry, Asmo, I - "

"No need to apologize, darling." he moved some of their hair behind their ear. "Just let it all out. Bottling up all of those negative emotions will make you break out."

After a few more minutes, they finally calmed down enough to recount the torture that had been their retail shift.

"Ugh, honestly," Asmo shook his head. "Hearing those kind of stories just makes you wonder. How do people get so entitled like that?"

He stood from his kneeling position, reaching down to hold their hands. "I refuse to let any of those awful people contaminate your beauty, darling. You," he let go of one of their hands to boop them affectionately on the nose. "Need a spa night."

"A spa night?"

"Mm-hm!" Asmo hummed, already on his way to the bathroom. "You let Nurse Asmo was all of those icky feelings away."

Beelzebub: They hadn't even made it fully into the living room.

When Beel stepped through the portal into the human's apartment and saw them curled into a ball near the doorway, he was immediately on high alert and checking for danger. Only after he realized that he didn't smell blood and had made sure to inspect all of the places for danger to hide did he lower his hackles.

The human was watching him through watery eyes, and Beel realized belatedly that he hadn't even greeted them. Well, bit too late for that. He crossed the living room in a few long strides and crouched down in front of them, lifting their hair out of the way to check for injuries.

Satisfied that there was no immediate danger, he scooped them up into his arms and deposited them on the couch. "Do you want to talk about it?"

They shrugged, wiping furiously at their eyes. "Just...people at work were being jerks, is all. I'm probably just being a big baby about it."

"No you aren't," Beel sat down next to them. "You're allowed to be upset if people are being hurtful."

That only brought on a fresh wave of tears, and Beel felt a little guilty. He pulled them closer until they were practically in his lap and tucked them underneath his chin like he could physically shield them from all of the awful things in the Three Realms.

"I'll make us some dinner. Everything's worse when you're hungry."

Bephegor: They started nap time without him.

Well, that's what it looked like when Belphie first popped through the portal. But, upon closer inspection, he noticed that the lump under the blankets that was the human was definitely not sleeping. Their breathing was quick and staccato, interrupted here and there by low, hiccupping whines.

They were crying.

Well that wouldn't do. Crying yourself to sleep just gave you a headache.

"Hey," he peeled back the protective layer of blanket to look at the human. Eyes red-rimmed and puffy, with a little wet spot on the pillow where their tears had landed. They sniffled, trying to shrink back into their blanket burrito, but Belphie held first. "Let me in."

He wiggled his way into the cocoon until they two of them were snuggled together, with their head against his collarbone. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"Humans suck."

"Didn't we solve this issue already?" Belphie snickered when they pushed weakly against his chest. "Why in particular do humans suck?"

With a shuddering sigh, they recounted the events of the day. How they had been screamed at by customers, then scolded by their boss when said customers complained, then treated like actual garbage by their coworkers when the boss took their anger out on their employees.

"...Yeah, humans suck." Belphie tugged them in a little closer, burying his face in their hair. "But you've got your favorite demonic nap buddy here, so you don't have to worry about humans, okay?"

Diavolo: He felt powerless.

It was not a feeling Diavolo experienced often as the Crown Prince of the Devildom, and the few times he did experience it, he didn't like it.

If they had been in the Devildom, he would simply order whoever had made the human upset to be tortured for a decade or two - well, actually, he would have them brutally killed, revived, and then killed again, but the human was a merciful soul and likely wouldn't let him. But this was the Human Realm, where the only influence he had was the intimidation factor of his height and size. So all he could do was hold the human as they sobbed against his chest.

"This isn't fair to you," he mumbled into their hair as they sat on the couch. "You should be in the Devildom, treated like the noble you are. You shouldn't have to deal with these ingrates who think they're better because you're on the clock at that particular moment."

They whimpered softly as Diavolo murmured sweet things to them. Even if it was merely a fantasy, it was nice to think of a world where they wouldn't have to put up with all of the bullshit of retail.

Maybe one day they would take Diavolo up on his offer.

[charliedawn]

Imagine being send to the Maze and being childhood friends of Newt and Gally (Part 1)

The first thing you notice when you open your eyes are the bright red lights, blinding you momentarily as you seem to go further up. You try to look around for anything that you may use as a weapon and are relieved to find a hammer. At least, you wouldn't be defenseless..You wait until the elevator stops completely before hiding underneath a nearby cover. You soon hear the doors open and see multiple feet entering the cage to take the crates. However, a certain pair of feet stops just in front of you and, without a warning, snatches the cover from above your head.

" What the..?!"

But you don't let the boy finish his sentence before taking the hammer out and knocking him out to get out. Some of the boys try to stop you, but you run faster and climb up the only place you know where you can be safe. The tower. You climb up as fast as you can and threaten anyone that would climb up would feel your wrath. Alby tries to talk to you, but your only answer is a banana in his face..However, after a few minutes, you say that you will not get down until you've talked to those named Gally and Newt. The two men look at each other with a slight frown, not understanding why the weird girl would want to talk to them. They still oblige and climb the stairs with caution. When they reach the top, you are huddled in a corner and look at them with suspicious narrowed eyes.

" Are you Gally and Newt ?"

Newt nods before crouching in front of you with a kind smile.

" Yes. I'm Newt, and this is Gally..Now, mind telling us who you are and how you know us ?"

You bite you lower lip hesitantly before finally admitting.

" Because, I knew you..My name is Lace, and I was your friend."

Their eyebrows both shot up in surprise and you lower your hammer. You want to get out something from your inner pocket, but Gally is quick and grabs your upper arm with a worried frown. You raise your hands in surrender and he is the one that takes out the thing you wanted to show them. A picture. A picture with three kids surrounded by their parents. A family picture. Newt looks at the picture as well and looks up at you with incomprehension. You understand and quickly explains.

" It's us. It's been a long time of course but, I never gave up hope that I would find you. I had to work very hard to get here and not get my memory zapped like everyone else. But, it was definitely worth it.."

You hug Newt that seems dumbfounded for a moment, but wraps his arms around you tentatively as well. Gally, still clutching the picture in his hand, eyes you warily, unsure as to trust you or not. You feel his hesitation and decide not to hug him..yet. However, Newt is curious and asks when you've taken a step back.

" W..Who were we ? Who were our parents ? I have so many questions.."

You laugh at his obvious enthusiasm and you nod understandingly.

" Of course. And I'll answer every one of them. Gally, you are the son of two marins and you spent most of your life on a boat. You parents were nice and hard-working people. While you, Newt, are the son of a bookshop owner and a gardener. I never met such lovely people and so gentle..They were very good people. You can be proud. They fought very hard to protect you."

Newt smiles proudly and his eyes fill with tears at you description, while Gally stares at you with his permanent frown..They hadn't changed. Even with the world turning to chaos, they had managed to stay the same as you remembered them..

" And we're supposed to believe that ?! For all we know, this could be a trap. You could be a trap. This image could be fake and everything you just said may just end up being a big lie.."

Gally, always the cautious one..You sigh and walk towards Gally that arks an eyebrow and takes a step forward, as if to prove that he isn't afraid of you. However, you only smile up at him before taking him surprisingly by the ear to yank him forward.

" Gally. I've spent the last 6 years searching for you. So, I don't give a thing if you believe me or not. I'm gonna make you two leave this place even if it's the last thing I do..I won't wait for a griever or whatever abomination there is out there get to you. I'm going to save you, that you want it or not. Got it, Mister Grumpyface ?"

Newt wants to intervene, but you glare at him with such intensity that he doesn't dare cross you. You then return to Gally that is red with anger and embarrassment. If looks could kill..Well, you would be very dead. Fortunately, you know that Gally has trouble with hitting girls..So he wouldn't hurt you. Possibly. However, he slaps your hand away and walks away, mumbling to himself about how you will be the end of everything.

Newt stands by you side and sighs at the reaction of his friend.

" Sorry about him..He'll come around eventually."

You smile and nod before looking at the knife on the floor.

" So, you're positive that everyone here is safe ? You're safe ?"

You ask with concern and he nods with a small reassuring smile.

" We are. Well..As safe as one can get in the Labyrinth that is."

You nod again understandingly before looking at the huge walls ahead. Instinctively, you grab Newt's hand and promise him.

" I'll get you out of here..And I'll make sure that W.I.C.K.E.D never finds you again."

He frowns, pondering for a moment before his face lights up and he asks excitedly.

" Wait..You know W.I.C.K.E.D ?! You're like Tommy then !"

You frown in incomprehension and Newt takes your hand to guide you towards the ladder.

" Come on. There's someone you should meet."

You trust him and get down as well. You follow him, trying to ignore all of the odd stares that the rest of the group is giving you. You arrive in a little hut where a dark-haired boy is looking at the runners at a map. You automatically recognize him and freeze. Newt turns his head towards you with a small frown.

" Are you okay ?"

But you don't answer and only start walking towards the boy and embracing him in front of everyone, crying. You then whisper in his ear.

" Thank you.."

Thomas doesn't know how to react and looks at Newt for an explanation, but Newt is as surprised as him. Sensing his discomfort, you take a step back and laugh awkwardly while wiping your tears away.

" Sorry..You..You told me how to get in. I thought they had killed you.."

He doesn't understand, but then another voice rise up.

" Y/N ?!"

You look in the direction of the voice and find..Oh God no..Theresa. You glare at her with crossed arms and gritted teeths. Of course, she would follow Thomas in Hell if it meant helping W.I.C.K.E.D. Before anyone can stop you, you take a nearby knife and try to attack her. However, Gally is there to grab your hand and twist your arm. You let go of the knife while him and some other guys drag you away. However, you still scream at Thomas and Newt.

" Don't trust her ! She'll kill us all !"

You are locked in some kind of pit and Gally closes it while glancing at you.

" You shouldn't have done that..You nearly broke one of the rules.."

Gally tells you finally and you look up at him with surprise.

" What rules ?"

His eyes widen in surprise.

" Newt didn't tell you ?"

You shake your head negatively and he sighs loudly before answering you.

"There are three rules you must follow in order to stay.

Never go outside the Glade, unless you are a Runner.

Never hurt another Glader. We have to trust each other.

Everyone does their part. No slackers.

You tried to hurt Theresa. But, since you didn't know the rules. I suppose they'll let it slide.."

However, he doesn't seem too happy about that last part. You decide not to push it and ask him instead.

" You don't want to know anything about your old life, why ?"

He seems to hesitate before answering truthfully.

" Because I'm afraid to know why they send me away.."

You frown. Send him away ? You are about to answer him when he takes back his serious face and adds almost spitefully.

" And I don't trust you."

That is more understandable. He looks one last time at you before walking away.

" I'll come search for you tomorrow morning."

You don't respond and wait until the light of his torch is far enough before taking out a small wooden horse with a small smile.

" I did it, mom..I found them. I'll find him also, I promise."

You kiss the small object before putting it back around your neck. You look up and smile as you see the stars shining up there. In the city, you couldn't see the stars because of the many building in the capital..But here ? You feel free. You were maybe trapped in a pit, but you feel more free than you've ever been in the city. You start laughing to yourself and start dancing in the pit, unaware that you have some spectators.

" What is she doing ?!"

Chuck asks Thomas, confused. But Thomas is as confused as him, while Newt can't help but laugh a little beside them. They both look at him with widened eyes and Newt finally answers with a small smile.

" Isn't it obvious ? She's dancing."

[dumdumsun]

Of Starlight

A/N: One more chapter!

Warnings: none that I'm aware of

Word Count: 4200

—————————————

Chapter 19: The White Violin

To say that Five was nervous would have been an understatement. Not only would he be meeting the children of the love of his life, but her mother as well. Just hours ago, he was trying to prevent an apocalypse, and fought for his life for the past eight days. Now he was worrying about whether or not Michael and Jada would like him? What a rollercoaster this week has been.

(Y/N) had made a pit stop at her home, mentioning she had to grab something. When she invited Five inside, he hesitated, but she insisted. So, he unbuckled himself and left the car, joining her at her doorstep. Once she unlocked the door, they stepped inside and then she left his side not too long after, telling him to “make himself at home”. Five instinctively shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts as he watched his love disappear down the hall to her bedroom. Letting out a quiet breath, he let his green eyes wander around the living room.

It was clear that (Y/N) had been living quite a comfortable life. Her home wasn’t as grand as their childhood mansion, but it wasn’t a small home either. All around her walls were framed abstract paintings, awards her novels had won, and family photos. On her wall across from the long leather couch was a seventy-two-inch flat screen television. On either side of the television was a bookshelf. Upon further inspection, Five noticed that the bookshelf on the left consisted of children’s story books, while the other was full of novels. As his eyes roamed, he noticed Vanya’s book in the ‘H’ section of the alphabetized system. He hummed and stepped back, wandering further into her home. He noted that the general theme of the interior was navy blue and white. A nice, calming touch. Something tranquil to come to after a hectic day. He shook the thought from his head as he approached the dining room. On the glass table was a cup that was knocked over. Five tilted his head and set it upright, wondering why (Y/N) hadn’t taken care of that. She didn’t seem like the type to leave a single speck of dirt around her home, but then again, she hadn’t been able to look after her home in days. He had himself to thank for that.

His attention was brought to the small table in the corner of the dining room, where a framed picture was facing down. Curious, he walked up to the table and picked up the photo, his stomach twisting in knots only slightly. It was a wedding photo of (Y/N) and Anthony. The man’s golden tan skin bathed in the sunlight, lighting up his lovestruck facial expression. He had dark black hair and full brows, sporting a well-groomed extended goatee the same color. His full body wasn’t in the frame, but it was clear he had somewhat of a muscular build and the way he held himself radiated confidence. His hazel eyes were gazing at (Y/N). Five couldn’t believe what puberty had done to her. She was the picture of perfection. Her (e/c) eyes sparkled naturally in the sunlight, the way her dazzling smile reached those eyes told nothing but the truth of how her life had truly changed for the better. The only time he had seen (Y/N) as an adult was the apocalypse, where he never had the chance to see her smile. The woman in this picture was a woman who had escaped the horrors of her childhood, who made something of herself, who didn’t let those horrors define her. A sense of pride swelled in Five’s chest the longer he stared at the photo. She had achieved true happiness.

And here he was, bringing all of that negativity back to her.

“Okay, I’m back.” (Y/N) announced as she stepped into the dining room. Five quickly set the picture down in its original place, but it was too late. The smile she wore faltered a bit, but when it returned, it was more melancholy. Her steps towards him were slow, cautious. “He reminded me so much of you, Five,” She whispered, her shoulder brushing against his as she turned the photo upright again. “He was so patient with my baggage, so gentle and careful. Like I was this porcelain doll to him. Not a single scratch could be left on me, it was so unbelievable sometimes.”

“Are you trying to say I’m gentle and patient?”

“With me, you are.” She giggled. She let her elbow nudge his as she shifted her arm. “I miss him… he couldn’t fill the void you left, but he was so wonderful to have known in life. A wonderful partner…”

Five’s frown deepened. “I’m sorry about Anthony, (Y/N)... He must’ve been pretty great if he was able to pull you out of… the dark? Is that what you call it?”

“Yes, the dark,” She whispered before her gaze shifted to his, which was already fixed on her. “Five, I-I hope you know I… I love you. I can never fully heal from Anthony’s death, but… I’m not going to just ignore this. What we have. Or had…”

“What we have.” He whispered back, stepping closer to her. Absentmindedly, (Y/N) set the photo back down as their lips grazed each other. Five’s hand gently gripped her arm and her free hand reached up to caress his cheek. Without another moment of hesitation, the two closed the gap between them, their lips colliding in a slow kiss. The feel of her soft, warm lips against his was almost enough to send his knees buckling, but Five held himself together. It was hard to, though, when the hand on his cheek moved into his hair. Tilting his head into the kiss, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer. Five could have time travelled and spent forty-five years in the apocalypse over and over if it meant he’d come back to this. Come back to this person who could be the beginning and the end of him, who could easily end his life if it meant hers was saved, who could tear down his walls simply with the warmth of her graceful smile. His beautiful Starlight.

His lips chased hers when she slowly pulled away and she quietly chuckled at him. The moment their lips were separated, their gazes met. Nothing, absolutely nothing but pure love and adoration. And if her confession seconds ago didn’t tell him, the look in her eyes certainly did. Her hands slid from his cheeks down to his arms, gently patting his elbows as she raised her brows. “Well… shall we get going?”

-------------------------------------------------

“So, we’re telling them everything? The truth?” Five asked as (Y/N) pulled up in front of her mother’s small home. The girl, after turning off the car, slowly sat back with her lips in a thin line.

“Yeah… That was the original plan,” She whispered. Five frowned in confusion and when she looked at him, she sighed. “We’re gonna pretend to be neighbor kids…”

Five blinked. “You’re not serious, are you? I thought the whole purpose of this was to be honest with them.”

“Well, yeah, but just think of how they’ll react. If it actually registers in their minds that I’m a kid… Oh my god, Jada will bawl her eyes out… Michael’s gonna have a panic attack, I just know it. A-And then they’re not gonna let me comfort them and then my mom’ll have to do it and they barely even let her do it-”

“Starlight-”

“And then if I introduce you as my lover, they’re gonna think I’m trying to replace Anthony-”

“(Y/N),” Five took hold of her hands that were flailing about. She stopped and stared at him with frantic eyes. “We’ll go with your plan. Does your mom know?”

She nodded.

“Okay…,” He slowly freed her wrists, watching as she began to relax. “Ready to go?”

She nodded again.

She was not ready to go. The second the teenagers stood in front of Michael and Jada, (Y/N) froze. Five gently nudged her to start off. She blinked rapidly and cleared her throat, waving shyly. “Hey, there… Um, we just moved in next door and… wanted to meet the neighbors.” She awkwardly nodded. Michael perked up and held his hand out to shake.

“I’m Michael! And I’m six!”

“I’m Jada!” The little girl laughed as Five gently shook the boy’s hand.

“I-It’s nice to meet you, Michael and Jada…” (Y/N) whispered.

Jada bounced on the couch, widening her hazel eyes in curiosity. “What’re your names?” (Y/N) immediately turned to Five in alarm. The boy placed a hand on her arm to calm her. He very slightly smiled at the girl and nodded.

“Well, my name is Five and-”

“Five?!”

“Yes-”

“Like the number?!”

“Yes, and this is… Star.”

This only made the children even more excited, their faces lighting up.

“Star?!”

“Yes.”

“Like the shiny things in the sky?!”

“Yes.” Five sighed and stared down at his feet. (Y/N) giggled. She then slowly knelt down in front of the two. She gulped and took a deep breath before lifting her head to look them in their faces. This was so much harder than she thought.

“How have you two been?”

Jada was the first to speak, “Oh, uh, good! I miss Mama. But she’s at work…”

“Yeah, but we don’t know when she’s coming back,” Michael scratched his cheek. “Because um… I remember one time when Daddy went to work and then, uh… he didn’t come back. I think he was hit… by a car. And I hope Mama didn’t get hit by a car.”

Five looked to (Y/N), who was shaking. He quickly knelt beside her and took her hand in his. “Your mom is fine, Michael, trust me.” He whispered.

“How do you know?”

“We saw her… before we moved. We met her. And she said that… she misses you two a lot. And… there isn’t a second that goes by when she doesn’t think about you. She hopes you’re happy and healthy. She… told us you two are her favorite people in the world.”

“Oh, yeah, she wrote a song about it!” Jada squealed. “She wrote a song about us and she sings it all the time!”

“It’s Jada’s favorite song.” Michael smiled and tried to hold his sister close so she’d cease her bouncing on the couch. (Y/N) let out a laugh as she watched her kids with tender eyes.

“She also said,” She started off, inhaling deeply. “That she didn’t want to leave you two. And if she could, she’d bring you two with her everywhere she went. But she can’t because- Well, she can’t… A-And she,” She stopped to wipe the tears cascading down her cheeks. “She hopes you two don’t hate her f-for leaving you for this long. And that she loves you… so, so much… You two fill her with so much joy and she doesn’t know what to do without you a-and-”

“Why are you crying, Star?” Jada hopped off the couch and hugged her mother tight. (Y/N) immediately wrapped her arms around her daughter. “Why are you crying?”

“N-Nothing, Jada, I just… I just feel bad because she misses you so much…”

Michael plopped down onto the ground in front of them, joining the hug. “Don’t feel bad. She’ll be home with us soon. That’s what she sings every night. That she… um… she’s gonna wipe our tears away when she comes back.”

“You’re right, Michael,” (Y/N) tearfully laughed. “My god, you’re so right…”

Michael turned to Five with a small smile, reaching his arm out. The time traveller looked around with a frown before pointing to himself. The little boy nodded and motioned him closer. Five shuffled over to the three and was going to ask what he needed, but Michael only pulled him into the hug. He was shocked, to say the very least. He considered leaving the hug, but when Jada tugged on his jacket to pull him closer, he gave in and wrapped his arms around the little family.

All the while, (Y/N)’s mother watched from the side, grinning through her tears.

-------------------------------------------------

“What’d you think of the kids?” (Y/N) whispered as she and Five strolled down the sidewalk, hand-in-hand. After the tear-fest, the two decided to get some fresh air and walked around the neighborhood. It was abnormally normal for Five to simply walk down a sidewalk without a task at hand, without answers to find. But right by his side was the answer to all of his questions.

“I think… Jada looks exactly like you,” The two shared a laugh. “But I must say, they are very intelligent children. And so kindhearted, as well. I mean, they just met me and were so comfortable with me.”

“I don’t know where they get that from.” She chuckled. Five gently tugged on her hand, causing her to step closer.

“You’ve got to start giving yourself credit for things like this. They’re your kids. Where do you think they got it from?” He smiled, raising her hand to his lips. “You’re the most caring person I know, Starlight.” He pressed a tender kiss to her knuckles as she leaned into his side. This beautiful and peaceful moment was squashed, however, when Five glanced over at a newspaper stand and dropped (Y/N)’s hand frantically. He rushed to the stand and took out a newspaper. “No, no, no…”

“Five?” (Y/N) stepped closer, her hand hovering over his shoulder. “What’s wrong…?”

“(Y/N)... we need to get back to the Academy.”

“W-What? Why-”

“The apocalypse is still on.”

Her car sped towards the Academy, the two hoping to god no lives had been taken in their absence. Arriving at the Academy, there was… Well, there was no Academy. It was in shambles, fire acting as a source of light in the night. Thankfully, in the midst of all the wreckage, (Y/N) could count four of her siblings standing around. Unfortunately, she didn’t see Vanya anywhere. The two teens charged out of the car and towards their siblings. “Guys!” Five grabbed (Y/N) by the hand and pulled her with him. The four all turned to them with exhaustion written all over their faces and bodies. “This is it. The apocalypse is still on. The world ends today.”

“I thought you said it was over.” Luther stepped closer to them. Five held up the newspaper he’d been clutching in his hand since he found it.

“I was wrong, okay? This newspaper, I found it in the future the day I got stuck. The headline hasn’t changed.”

“No, that doesn’t mean anything.” Diego shook his head. (Y/N) detected tears in his eyes and walked closer to comfort him, but he only held his hand up in dismissal. Backing off, she turned back to Five. “Time could’ve been altered since that newspaper came out this morning.”

“You’re not listening to me. When I found it, I assumed this place came down along with everything else,” Five glanced around at the wreckage. “But here we are. The moon’s still shining, the earth is in one piece, but not the Academy.” Five was nearly cut off when Klaus snatched the newspaper from him, flipping through its pages.

“I’m confused…”

“Then listen to me, you idiot! Vanya destroys the Academy before the apocalypse. I-I thought Harold Jenkins was the cause, but he was the fuse-”

“Vanya’s the bomb...” (Y/N) sighed in realization. Five gestured towards his love with an exasperated huff.

“Someone gets it… Vanya causes the apocalypse.”

“We have to find her.” Luther muttered as the sound of helicopter blades and sirens could be heard above them. A blinding light shone on all six of them from one of the helicopters. Diego stood and shielded his eyes from the light.

“We have to get the hell out of here!” (Y/N) grabbed a hold of Five’s arm. The siblings began to disperse, Luther commanding them to regroup at the Super Star Lanes. Pulling her close, Five blinked both he and (Y/N) there.

The boy would have pulled off the employee’s head and shoved it up where the sun didn't shine when she told him they needed to pay to get in, but (Y/N) stepped up and slammed some money onto the counter. It was more than enough for them and their siblings. She quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him to one of the lanes, sitting him down in a chair. The boy’s leg was bouncing rapidly and she had to place her hand on it in order for him to look at her. “I know it seems next to impossible, but please keep a level head, bub.” She leaned in and pecked his lips. He let out a sigh and gently pulled her to sit beside him without a word. The two patiently waited for the four to show up and when they did, they all gathered in the seats provided. Silently. No words spoken amongst each other. By this time, (Y/N)’s legs were swung over Five’s lap, the boy resting his hands on her knees as he stared forward, deep in thought. He didn’t break out of his trance until Luther spoke up,

“Look, I hate to be the one to say this, but everyone needs to prepare.”

“For what?” Diego furrowed his brows.

“To do whatever it takes to stop Vanya.” His answer earned him a smack to the chest with the notepad from Allison. Luther stammered and sighed.

“We may not have a choice, Allison.”

“Bullshit,” Diego mumbled as Klaus picked up the newspaper once again. “There’s always options.”

“Yeah, like what?” Five tested, but only received an ‘I don’t know’.

“Look, whatever we decide, we need to find Vanya. And fast, okay? She could be anywhere.” Luther stood from his chair.

“Or… here.” Klaus’s voice turned everyone’s head in his direction. He shook the newspaper a bit before they gathered around him. In the paper was an advertisement for the performance of the Saint Pluvium Chamber Orchestra, with Vanya as first chair. (Y/N) leaned forward to read it, Five placing his hand on her back to keep her from falling over.

“That’s right. Her concert is tonight.” Diego whispered.

“Hello,” The same employee from earlier approached the family, everyone irritably turning to her. “I hate to intrude, but my manager says if you’re not gonna bowl, you gotta leave.” She shrugged, walking off as said manager slapped a pair of bowling shoes on the counter. Luther, absolutely over this whole situation, grabbed a bowling ball and carelessly threw it. The ball bounced a couple of lanes over before knocking all ten pins down.

“Strike.” (Y/N) lazily cheered. She looked over when she heard Allison tapping on her notepad she’d just written on.

SHE’S OUR SISTER

“We’re the only ones capable of stopping this,” Luther stared intently at her. “We have a responsibility to Dad.”

“To Dad?!” Diego raised his voice. “No, I’ve heard enough about-”

“He sacrificed everything to bring us back together.”

“I’m with Luther on this one,” Five spoke up. “We can’t give her a chance to fight back.” When he felt his love move her legs off his lap, he turned to see her frowning in distaste. “What, are you against this?”

“Of course, I’m against this, Five, I don’t want to have to hurt Vanya.”

“What other choice do we have?” Luther raised his brows at her.

“There are billions of lives at stake. We’re past trying to save just one, (Y/N).” The boy gently held her hand. The girl sighed and turned her head away from him.

“It’s just that we’ve hurt her so much already…”

“Hey, you know, guys, uh… maybe I could help.” Klaus suddenly spoke, hopefully glancing around at his siblings. Luther blinked and shook his head.

“Now is not the time, Klaus-”

“No, let him finish,” Diego interrupted Luther. “He saved my life today.”

(Y/N) stared up at Klaus with a small smile. “Really, Klaus? You did that?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did… take credit for it. In fact, the real hero… was Ben.”

The silence between the family was deafening. Diego, Five and (Y/N) were intrigued while Luther and Allison were doubtful. Klaus sighed and walked in front of them. “Today… Listen. Today, he punched me in the face. Remember, I told you, (Y/N), you saw it!”

“Well… I didn’t actually-”

“And earlier at the house, he was the one who saved Diego’s life, not me.”

Luther scoffed. “You’re unbelievable, Klaus.”

“You want proof, is that it? (Y/N), did you or did you not see Ben punch me in the face today?”

The girl stiffened when she felt all eyes on her. Her own darted from Five, to Luther, then to Klaus, who waited with a hopeful smile. Inwardly sighing, she nodded. “Yes, I saw it.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Luther hissed. “You’re always defending his reckless behavior-”

“No, Luther, maybe I’m just the only one who listens to him-”

“No, you encourage him!”

“Fine, I’ll give you some real proof!” Klaus interrupted and grabbed a bowling ball. Readying to throw it, he stared at the space behind (Y/N). “Showtime, baby. Catch!”

Five quickly pulled his love into the other seat with him before the ball could get anywhere near her. She felt her heart sink when the ball smacked against the floor, slowly rolling away to the next party lane. She looked to Klaus in disbelief, now feeling like the world’s biggest fool. Her brother slowly lowered his arms as he stared back at her apologetically. “Is there any way to silence that voice in your head that screams out to be the center of attention? Or the voice that encourages it.” Luther leaned towards (Y/N), who nearly lunged at him.

“Fuck off, Luther!”

“You know, I liked you a lot better before you got laid,” Klaus immediately regretted that when seeing the shock on both Allison and Luther’s faces. “Which was a complete… It- It wasn’t his fault, ‘cause he was ridiculously high, right? And- And the girl, she thought he was a furry-”

“Stop!” Luther shut him down. He then slowly turned to Allison, who grabbed her notepad and walked away from them. Luther called out to her and followed quickly. To make things even more awkward, a woman suddenly walked over to the siblings with her son.

“Excuse me!” She beamed, the four turning to her. “Excuse me, it’s my son Kenny’s birthday today, and… uh… wouldn’t your kids be happier playing with kids their own age? Assuming it’s okay with your two dads.”

(Y/N) got quite the kick out of this, burying her face into Five’s shoulder and quietly laughing as the boy tensed in anger. “I would rather chew off my own foot.” He spat. The woman’s face slowly fell before she escorted her son away. (Y/N) was still laughing as she leaned away when she felt Five get up from his seat.

“If I was going to date a man, you’d be the last man I would date.” Diego stated. Klaus, offended, turned to his sister.

“He’d be lucky to get me.”

“Oh my god, I love you guys.” She snorted into her hand. When her laughter finally died down, she turned to where Five now stood. He was clutching something in his fist and something in her knew he was about to blink away, so she stood quickly. “Five.” She called out and rushed over to him. He turned to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Starlight, I have to take care of something.”

“But Five, you can’t.”

“I have to.”

“But where?! Where do you have to go?!” Her voice broke as she latched onto his sleeves. He glanced down at her hands before meeting her eyes.

“It’s The Handler. I need to… discuss something with her.”

“Five-”

“Starlight, I promise I will come back for you guys. I’ll come back to you,” He gently rubbed her shoulders. “Okay? I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. Five smiled warmly and leaned in, capturing her lips in a kiss. She pressed hers right back to his as her grip on him loosened. When he pulled away, he gave her one last smile before blinking away. She willed herself to return to her seat by her brothers. They picked up on her anxiety immediately, watching her tap her fingers to her knee repeatedly as she bit her lip harshly. The two sat forward with concerned looks.

“(Y/N)?” Diego called, but she hadn’t heard him. Klaus reached over and grabbed her working hand.

“He’ll be back, dear. He wouldn’t just leave us, leave you.”

“I-I know,” Her voice broke, the girl cursing at the sound. “I just… e-every time he leaves, I’m terrified it’s the last time I’ll see him.”

—————————————

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