#so i used to always just picture myself as an adult and think ‘that will happen. since that will happen that means i wont die tonight’

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye

[apeshit]

was trying to remember all the places i used to live these are the childhood houses i can remember and some of them i only remember my room

[inkskinned]

we were the liminal kids. alive before the internet, just long enough we remember when things really were different.

when i work in preschools, the hand signal kids make for phone is a flat palm, their fingers like brackets. i still make the pinky-and-thumb octave stretch when i "pick up" to respond to them.

the symbol to save a file is a floppy disc. the other day while cleaning out my parents' house, i found a collection of over a hundred CDs, my mom's handwriting on each of them. first day of kindergarten. playlist for beach trip '94. i don't have a device that can play any of these anymore - none of my electronics are compatible. there are pieces of my childhood buried under these, and i cannot access them. but they do exist, which feels special.

my siblings and i recently spent hours digitizing our family's photos as a present for my mom's birthday. there's a year where the pictures just. stop. cameras on phones got to be too good. it didn't make sense to keep getting them developed. and there are a quite a few years that are lost to us. when we were younger, mementos were lost to floods. and again, while i was in middle school, google drive wasn't "a thing". somewhere out there, there are lost memories on dead laptops. which is to say - i lost it to the flood twice, kind of.

when i teach undergrad, i always feel kind of slapped-in-the-face. they're over 18, and they don't remember a classroom without laptops. i remember when my school put in the first smartboard, and how it was a huge privilege. i used the word walkman once, and had to explain myself. we are only separated by a decade. it feels like we are separated by so much more than that.

and something about ... being half-in half-out of the world after. it marks you. i don't know why. but "real adults" see us as lost children, even though many of us are old enough to have a mortgage. my little sister grew up with more access to the internet than i did - and she's only got 4 years of difference. i know how to write cursive, and i actually think it's good practice for kids to learn too - it helps their motor development. but i also know they have to be able to touch-type way faster than was ever required from me.

in between, i guess. i still like to hand-write most things, even though typing is way faster and more accessible for me. i still wear a pj shirt from when i was like 18. i don't really understand how to operate my parents' smart tv. the other day when i got seriously injured, i used hey siri to call my brother. but if you asked me - honestly, i prefer calling to texting. a life in anachronisms. in being a little out-of-phase. never quite in synchronicity.

[babygorewhore]

His Little Angel

After watching your favorite Only fans member, one who wears a Ghostface mask, you wish you could see him in real life. When you attend Midsummer, you’re shocked at who’s the owner of that voice. Rafe Cameron.

Moodboard

Disclaimer: Girl in photo is just for aesthetic! I don’t look like that myself so it’s okay lol

Warnings! Female and male masterbation! Porn! Mask kink! Degrading! Blow Job!! No plot. Very little proof reading

Your clit was swollen and sore as your vibrator relentlessly moved , your eyes squeezed shut. Another night on only fans, moaning loud enough that you almost scared yourself and your spine curled on the bed.

“My pretty little angel, coming on my cock? Your pretty pussy is so soft, I can’t get enough.” His voice was addictive. Even if it was just from your phone.

After the third time, you finally pulled it away and panted. Your naked sweaty body underneath your cool room brought you to clean yourself up with a discarded shirt. You liked it messy but you didn’t want it completely running down your legs.

Ghostface just had that effect on you. He was your favorite Only fans star.

You had subscribed last month, paying the maximum amount of money to get the most exclusive content. Personal messages and his own nickname for you. Little Angel or Angel. Which was the ironic purpose because you were anything but. Every night spreading your legs eagerly to a man in a mask. He wore others but this one was your favorite. He wouldn’t reveal his face.

But he was tall, muscular with strong, long fingers and a thick, pulsing cock he finished stroking and cum spilled from the tip at the end of the video.

God, you wanted to blow him. Choke on whatever he gave you with no complaints. His voice was raspy and almost pleading at times.

But he was dominant. Everything you did was to his will.

You did exchange one picture with him. One where you were wearing your prettiest bra and panties after you came. Your cheeks were red, hair messy and your eyes glassy. You needed him to see the effect he had on you.

“Pretty little angel. Fucked out for me. You’re so fucking hot and so wet.” His message was always teasing. Ending just when you needed them to reach their peak. He did it on purpose.

You had a fantasy. Him breaking into your house with the mask, tying you to the bed and ripping off the mask before he buried his face in your cunt. The very idea caused your pussy to quiver. You watched another video and came again

Midsummer was the last thing you wanted to participate in. Even though you were technically a Kook, you hated the snobby assholes who looked down at anyone beneath them. Your parents weren’t like that, even when they worked closely with the worst of them.

The Cameron’s. The very name of the family made you want to gag. Okay, you hadn’t met them but you heard horror stories from Kiera, a girl you used to babysit as a teenager when she was in middle school, that they were evil. Especially the oldest. Rafe. He was a bully, stuck up and always got what he wanted. Including the company when Ward died on a tragic suicide on his own boat.

You wore a long, slick dress with high heels and a flower crown. Your hair spilling around your face and sweat proof makeup.

You felt pretty even though you dread seeing all these people. They knew you as a little girl, running around and following your rich parents. But you were so much more than that, especially as an adult.

Kiera waved at you and you returned it with a smile. The twinkling lights, gentle music and sunset was a beautiful picture as the dance floor filled. But your mind thought about Ghostface. What was he doing right now? Working his regular job? Planning more content? For you? Your cheeks warmed with memories. How dirty was that? Thinking about fucking a man in a mask while sweet couples swayed on the wood floor in front of you?

A few men offered to dance and you accepted. Awkwardly staring at their faces as they moved their hands too low on your waist but it was the most action you got in months other than your toys.

You were bored now. You had a fake smile, stood next to your parents for an hour before you decided to change scenery.

The inside of the house wasn’t as crowded but people still talked while holding drinks in clear glasses. A variety of ages were there, especially with staff. You recognized Topper, he used to be close with the Cameron’s before their daughter stayed with the Pouges. But currently he and a black male were talking shit to a blonde boy carrying a tray of drinks.

Frowning, you went to follow them to stop the scene when your father called you over, you didn’t know they came in.

“Sweetheart, I want you to meet someone!” Turning, your eyes widened.

Rafe Cameron, who was wearing a blue tux gave you an alluring dark look and smile. His hair was slicked back, exposing his perfect bone structure and pink lips. He loomed over you and even your dad with his height as you stood in the circle.

“Hi,” You clipped and stuck out your hand. His large hand was warm and strong as he shook yours.

“Rafe was just telling us how nice it was to finally see you after hearing so much, weren’t you?” Your mothers intentions were obvious as you tried not to roll your eyes. Yeah, he’s hot but he’s also an asshole.

“You’re as pretty as an angel.”

You stumbled back, slipping onto the floor, legs bent as you fell on the floor.

“Oh god! Baby, are you okay?” Your dad gasped.

Oh my god. His voice.

The nickname??

This couldn’t be real. This could not happen. Rafe was faster and wrapped his arm around your waist, bending down to lift you to your feet. He brought you close, almost chest to chest as his hand settled on your hip. “Are you okay?”

You swallowed hard and started stuttering. “Um-I’m okay I-uh you-“ You snapped your mouth shut as he gave you a smirk. Oh, he knew you alright. You sent him a fucking picture after you touched yourself to his porn and now he was holding you up.

Tightly.

“Here, I’ll take her to make sure she’s alright.” Rafe told your parents, his brows pulled together in concern-real or not as your mother nodded.

“Oh you’re such a gentleman,” She gave you a subtle pinch on your arm as his arm tightened around your body.

You expected him to just walk you to the nearest room but instead he picked you up bridal style, your feet flying as he secured you easily.

Was this really happening? Rafe Cameron was Ghostface on Only fans and now he was carrying you down a hallway where there wasn’t anyone to be found.

“My little angel, acting like such a sweet girl. No one knows how much of a slut you actually are.” He popped open a door, exposing an empty room with a table and chairs after whispering in your ear, his teeth gently grazing the skin.

You breathed sharply as he set you down, pushing your legs apart with his knee. “I’ve been dying to finally fuck this mouth that’s always moaning for me,” He growled. “This time without that fucking mask.”

“Rafe-“ You began but he shoved two fingers in your mouth to the back of your throat. His warm breath fanning your face as spit pooled from your mouth.

You gagged and rolled your head back. He’d made himself spill with this exact hand. He circled them slowly. “I’ve been wondering how that sounded from you.”

Without warning he grabbed a fist full of your hair and forced you from the table onto your knees. “And now, my angel is going to be my fucking whore.” He growled and tapped your cheek after pulling out his digits.

“Open that filthy mouth and do exactly what you’re made for.”

Your polished nails frantically moved to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his suit pants. His black boxers made him look like a model on a men’s magazine as his hard dick leaked precum as you pulled them down. It hung heavily in front of you as your cunt tightened around nothing.

Rafe took a hold of his cock and slapped your cheek with it. “Stick out your tongue,” He ordered and you obeyed. You wanted to please him. Be used by him and his commands were so fucking hot you could have came in your panties just from that.

Hearing his voice again stirred a raging fire inside you as you opened your mouth and sucked him like a lollipop. You pulled back to sloppily lick the sides, a pool of spit on your neck as your lips took him in. Rafes fingers in your hair pulled so tight more tears streamed down your face and stained your cheeks with makeup.

He started thrusting and hitting the back of your throat as he started fucking your face. “Such a fucking little slut. Not an angel anymore, huh? A cock sucking bitch.” His degradation only turned you on more as you slurped and took it.

“I’m always taking care of you, now you get to return the fucking favor.” Rafe grunted and pulled even harder. “I’m gonna cum down your slutty throat.”

True to his word, he spilled into and all over your mouth. When he finally let you go, you coughed and wiped your lips. Lipstick was all over the back of your hand. Rafe took out his phone as he adjusted himself back into his pants. A flash clicked and you leaned back, doe eyes wide.

“Now, I have my own little picture when I jerk off.” He gave you a wink and bent down, “And don't wipe your face. Everyone is gonna know exactly who’s cock you’ve sucked.”

Tagging @xxhellfirebunnyxx @scene-and-dandylover @drewstarkeyslut @ifeeltoofuckingmuch @imyourdaninow @slvt4jamesmarch @reidsbtch @take-everything-you-can @emsgoodthinkin @chrrymunson

If I didn’t tag someone forgot.

[venusplan]

How jjk men treat you on your period

an: I really hate periods so here's a post about what the JJK men treat u during yours <3 challenging myself with the one because I've never wrote for Geto, Nanami, Choso, & Toji.

Somehow I made Gojo's the longest??

cw: blood (obviously) period sex, All characters are 18+,

Satoru Gojo

Would probably get you chocolate to share 💗

We're talking about Gojo, so you know it means wayyyy more than you eat. If you are it all you'd probably get sick honestly. Somehow he doesn't though??

Would definitely take a picture in front of the feminine products and send it to you asking "What size pussy do you have?"

Somehow I think he has warm hands, instead of a heating pad he'd probably cuddle with you warming your stomach honestly.

Definitely bought ice cream.

Period sex would probably be a thing tbh (it's kinda half and half for me idk, could see it but at the same time maybe not)

Doesn't wanna leave you when it's the time of month.

If you leave the house and like to go buy groceries and eat something he'll walk behind you. Looking out for you know, blood in case if it seeps through the back or something. (He'd mostly do this for if you use pads instead yk)

I low-key see him knowing what a period is 🎀 because I mean 💗 yeah thinking about it. So you wouldn't have to really inform him.

Suguru Geto

Gosh it's hard to think URGHHH. 💔

Sighhh, honestly if we're talking about adult Suguru I think it's more off he'd know because of Mimiko and Nanako to so.

It gets BAD when all three of his girls get synced up.

He'll make sure to buy like dark chocolate, keep stocked up on pad (&/or) tampons.

Also makes sure we you're comfortable 💗

He'll buy the two heating pads and stuff you know

Meanwhile he'll buy you one for when he's out and about.

Otherwise he also holds his hand on your stomach.

Nanami Kento

Makes sure you're always comfortable.

Also like makes you some warm coffee/tea whichever you prefer.

Wants to help you through the hellish week.

He'll make sure to wash the sheets if you ever get blood on them accidentally.

Tries to keep you warm.

Bought you your favorite chocolate and gets whatever you're craving🎀

Toji Fushiguro

Bro's broke.

He can't buy pads/tampons, etc.

Honestly though hear me out, he'll take on a really quick job from Shiu and buy you some stuff.

Maybe some chocolate and a pack of pads/tampons.

He'll come back to you with it and then hand the bag to you.

After that he'll either hold you from behind, or his head on your stomach maybe.

Honestly there could be period sex, but he's noticeably not as rough, or anything.

Stays with you the entire time 💕

Ryomen Sukuna

Asshole.

But a nice asshole.

Would make Uraume go out to get your stuff.

Laying in bed, or sitting on his throne he'll put his massive ass hand on your stomach.

Makes sure no one bothers you much.

If you catch an "attitude" with him trust he'll fuck it out of you.

PERIOD SEX. He literally kills people, he is not going to be afraid of blood on his penis(es).

You mostly just stay around him during it (like you do even when you're not) that or you're in your room (his)

Choso Kamo

Scared the first time it happens. Like, "why are you bleeding?!?"

You'd have to explain the whole thing to the poor baby :(

He'll ask questions which you answer.

Later he'll come back to you with everything you need 💗

Doesn't wanna leave you.

Makes sure you have like a whole damn grocery of your pads/tampons.

Would probably get you some sweets.

(he asked Gojo to help him buy it.)

Lays his head on your stomach 🎀

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for visiting a restaurant after it changed ownership?

I (young adult, genders irrelevant for everyone in this story) have been living in the same neighborhood for most of my life, and I usually cook my own dinner. However, because my dad left the family when I was young, and my mom made me move out as soon as I was an adult, I wasn't completely prepared to live on my own, so I don't have a consistent source of income. I've had to move between apartments in the same neighborhood a lot, and sometimes when I'm in the process of moving it's really hard to cook my own dinner. The neighborhood is pretty isolated, so there aren't really many other places to get food, so I've mostly been hungry during those moving periods.

However, a few months ago, my friend R told me L, one of our neighbors I hadn't talked to before, was starting a restaurant business. She'd apparently started out by making food for her two children, S and O, who I'd seen around the neighborhood a few times and was vaguely familiar with, but realized her food was good and opened it up to the rest of the neighborhood for a low price. Of course, I was super excited to get to try someone else's cooking for the first time since I'd moved out, so R and I started visiting L's restaurant every now and then when I was moving or otherwise unable to cook. It's her secondary job, so she wasn't always there, but S and O also worked there and were friendly to us.

I thought it was a good arrangement... until I visited one day recently to find the door closed at a time when it's usually open. I would have just gone home, but it had been really rainy lately, I was under a lot of stress, and I didn't feel up to getting food for myself in those conditions, so I stood around for a few minutes, waiting to see if S or O would come out and explain. Instead, some people I've never seen before came into the lobby of the restaurant and just stared at me from inside. Instead of explaining anything to me or letting me in, they just laughed at me and took pictures of me? I was already really upset and that just made it unbearable to be around other people, so I left. I went back a few days later to double check if it was open, because I was still hungry, but the new people were still there, and I left even more quickly this time. I'm not proud of that- maybe I could have talked to the new people if I'd stayed longer instead of embarrassing myself, but I also feel like they were being really rude.

I asked R about it later to see if they'd talked to S or O lately or knew anything about what I assumed was change in ownership, but R didn't help at all. They told me that they hadn't seen S or O, but I shouldn't have expected the restaurant to stay open forever and that it was stupid of me to go back on the second day. I guess I can see how I might have been an asshole to go back, but I don't know what R meant about the restaurant. Is it because it's not L's main job? Were we the only customers and not giving her enough income to continue it for anyone but her kids? Or was the restaurant like... a front for money laundering or something? I really don't know. I'm hurt, hungry, and so confused. Was I in the wrong for bothering the new humans? Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.

Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.

Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).

What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?

Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.

I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?

We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!

I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.

You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[gracev0609]

Claim Me

Josh Kiszka X Reader

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI, Adult Themes, Explicit Sex, m/f, Subby Josh, Neck Riding

WC: 1.3k

This idea has been bouncing around in my head for quite a while. Josh's neck just does something for me 🤭

You wouldn't say you had a jealous streak. You knew Josh loved you, and you loved him, but somehow you found yourself scrolling through social media reading about the way they desired your boyfriend. This was Josh's last week on break until tour started up again, and you knew his antics would make his fans want him even more. Continuing to scroll you read about the things they wanted him to do to them, and more importantly the things they wanted to do to him, it was making your blood run hot. Although not with anger, with need. You needed to find a way to lay your claim on him. Thinking about all the possibilities was making wetness pool between your thighs, as Josh always let his body be your sexual playground in the bedroom. He wanted nothing more than to please you, the greater your pleasure the greater his. Finally your eyes landed on a picture of Josh, his head was thrown back, a delicious sheen of sweat covering his exposed chest. But what really caught your eye was his neck. Veins and tendons bulging, with his Adams apple looking delectable enough to take a bite out of. You knew you weren't allowed to leave love bites where they would be seen. Suddenly, an idea on how you could privately stake your claim popped into your mind. You crossed your legs, squeezing your muscles to ease the tension that resided between them, as Josh walked into the living room where you were scrolling on the couch.

“Hey baby, what're you up to?” He asked bending down to kiss you.

“Oh, just scrolling on my phone. Nothing important. I missed you today.”

“I know, I'm sorry my love. We got the rest of the meetings and scheduling done today though,I can give you my undivided attention the rest of the week.”

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders bringing him closer to your body,” Could I get your undivided attention in our bedroom… now?”

Josh chuckles into the crook of your neck,” Now? Does my pretty girl need her pretty pussy played with? Needy little thing.”

You felt yourself throb, Josh's angelic mouth spewing filthy words always made your head spin.

“You know I need you, always need you. Gonna miss you so much when you're gone.”

Josh sighs and jutts out his bottom lip slightly, conveying that he heard you but doesn't necessarily want to talk about it right now. He pulls you to stand from the couch, limbs wrapped around your frame,” Let's get to the bedroom so you can take whatever you need from me.”

He leads you to your shared bedroom, and he immediately disrobes before turning to pull the sweatshirt up off of your body. His hands cup your bare breasts that have come free, nipples instantly hardening under his touch. Josh places kisses against the warm skin of your neck,” Just wanna make you cum honeybee.”

You reach your hand down, stroking his already hard length making him whine,” What can I do for you baby? Let me love on you, let me lick up your sweetness.’

His hips buck absentmindedly when you squeeze your fist around him,” Please baby, let me bury my face between your legs. I wanna commit it to memory when I'm by myself all alone in my hotel room.”

You place your hands on his hips walking him backwards towards the bed,” Just calm down Josh. I promise you'll like what I have in store for you.”

You guide him back straddling his legs after discarding your sweatpants. You grab his cock teasing yourself with his hot flesh. You're already so worked up, absolutely aching for him.

His words slur together already drunk on you,” God, y'feel so good. So wet. What's got ya so worked up?”

“You Josh, just want you.”

“You have me baby, all of me. Just use me.”

You sink down on him, and you can't help the moan that slips past your lips. He stretches you out so perfectly, like you were made for one another.

His hands find purchase on your hips, helping you push and pull your body against his. You groan as his tip pushes against the spot inside you that makes you see stars. As he continues to abuse your insides you can't help but stare at his neck. You watch his Adam's apple bob as he whines and whimpers from your bouncing in his lap. Stopping all motion you lean down to kiss up his chest, before lapping at the salty skin of his neck.

“I know I'm not allowed to leave marks.”

He chuffs a laugh,” No, they'd have both of our heads.”

You continue to nip lightly at his neck, making his cock twitch inside of you,” You said you need to remember my pussy when you're alone in your room, but I really think you need to remember it when you're getting hard on stage.”

He cuts you off with a needy moan,” I think you need to remember my cunt when your cocks getting hard for all of your pretty fans.”

“I do! Make me remember!”, he cries, jutting his hips eager for more friction.

“Gonna claim my pretty boy.”

You rise off of his lap, clenching your teeth when you feel empty. You climb up his body, and tangle your fingers in his curls angling his head up. Eagerly Josh sticks out his tongue, anticipating you sitting on his face. His brows dip in confusion when you stop short of his mouth, lowering yourself down until your wet folds meet the hot skin of his throat.

“Honey? Aren't you gonna sit on my face?”

The vibrations of his voice travel to your core making your hips jolt.

“No love. I'm staking my claim.”

Your hips writhe back and forth, your slick covering the soft skin of Josh's throat. Tightening your fingers in his hair he whines,”oh fuuuck!” You almost double over as his Adam's apple vibrates right on your clit, sending shockwaves through your body. What you were doing was so obscene, but you both were living for it.

His hand leaves your hip, wrapping around his leaking cock, jerking himself in time with your hips.

“Keep talking Josh, it feels incredible when you talk”

“Fuck baby, I can feel you soaking me. You gonna cum like this? Riding my throat like a dirty slut.I want you to cum, I want to feel it pouring onto my skin.”

You angle your hips, grinding your clit onto the expanse of his neck,”Almost there…”

“I want to taste you so bad. Please, please, please. Please baby, just a drop on my tongue. I can feel you, fucking smell you, I need to taste you. Please honey I've been so good.”

Pleasure bubbles up inside of you and your high comes crashing down.

“Fuck! Fuck yes! That's it baby, god you're just gushing. Dirty dirty girl squirting all over me, make a fuckin mess of me…fuck!”

You gasp as you start to come down, feeling the hot ropes of his cum splatter along your back as he paints his stomach.

You look down at your lover, his face red, eyes blown out. He looks entirely fucked out.

His hands pull your hips to his mouth as he devours your cunt, slurping up the remnants of your release. He moans, drinking down what's left between your legs.

Eventually he releases your body from his grasp, and you flop down on the bed beside him. He leans up, the ends of his curls drenched,” I need a shower. I'm fuckin covered in cum.”

You laugh and agree, taking his hand and pulling him from the bed walking towards the bathroom. Once the water is hot enough you both step inside the shower. After rinsing the mess away Josh captures your body in his arms,” You know I'm yours right? Always and forever yours.”

Fin.

[cosmicdream222]

The time I woke up in the void, before I even knew what the void was

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

As mentioned in this post, here is the story about how I woke up in the void before I knew what it was.

I came across @ellequarius success story on entering the void while falling asleep in class and I got major chills and a flashback to when something similar happened to me in HS. I didn’t even know about manifesting or the void at the time but now I realize I woke up in the void 🤯 It was such a strange and memorable experience, I still remember it vividly (I’m an adult, I graduated HS long ago lol).

It was my senior year, I was in science class and we had a substitute who gave us a free study period and dimmed the lights to put on a movie. I was exhausted so I just crossed my arms on my desk, put my head down and fell asleep.

Idk how long I was out, but before waking up I found myself in a weird kinda state. I thought I was dreaming, although nothing was happening. Everything was dark but it wasn’t like being in a dark room - it felt like looking at a TV or computer screen that was turned on but not showing a picture, there was some static and a sense of depth. A bit like outer space.

I had been thinking about my friend in Japan who I hadn’t talked to in a few weeks. I guess because she was on my mind, I imagined seeing a notification pop up on the “screen”, saying I had a new email from her. Then I woke up and went to my next class.

When I got to a computer, I found that I had indeed received an email from my friend, around the exact time I had “dreamed” it. I always thought it was a psychic dream, or just a freaky coincidence. But now I’m sure I manifested it in the void.

I was totally mindblown as since I found out about the void last year, I’ve been endlessly researching, wondering if it’s really real and trying different methods wanting to experience it for the first time - when I had already experienced it so long ago? 😭 It’s like I found an Easter egg in my brain!

I’m theorizing that sleeping position can have an effect on the ease in which you enter the void. Since it’s happened to several people while sleeping in class, taking naps, and there is also the popular recliner method, it seems that unusual sleeping positions put you in a lighter sleep, which can help access alternate states easier.

I’ve also realized since I figured this out a couple weeks ago, pretty much every time I have a natural awakening in the early morning, I do wake up in the void. It even happened this morning (2/27 as I type this) early in the morning after several hours of sleep, and I was lying on my back which is not my most comfortable sleeping position.

It’s the same kind of experience, and I don’t hear anything, but my first natural instinct when I wake up is to wonder where the sounds of my environment are. So I end up tuning in to my room to try to hear things, and snapping out of the void.

Only a matter of time before I figure out how to remain there aware long enough to affirm for my desires 😭

[mimimui]

Hihihi I love love love your worksss ahhh! Congratulations of 1k! May I request Jing Yuan or Blade with buko pandan?

(the menu including items being Filipino foods are so cute btw!)

don't make it obvious! (honkai star rail)

wherein you're secretly dating (character) and you both hide your relationship.

includes: jing yuan, blade

tags: mi's 1k, established relationship, fluff, i just realized it's difficult for me to write this prompt, not proofread

a/n: thank you thank yooou <3 there is no 'or' here, i will write for both >:( hcs for jing yuan and blade who hide their relationship with their s/o + i didn't think anyone would notice it was filipino food hehe .. enjoy !

JING YUAN

jing yuan's enemies are either dead or already captured, so them being a threat to you is out of the picture.

there really is no reason for you to hide your relationship with jing yuan, but you both prefer to keep it secret for privacy. you two agreed it's better to not have the public judge your relationship based only on what they see.

you don't have a difficult time with keeping the relationship a secret. jing yuan, however, can't always keep his hands to himself. when you're in public, he'll casually snake his arm around you waist, which you have to remind him to stop doing.

he'll sneak in a kiss on the cheek too if he's feeling sneaky, just to see your reaction to it.

it's hard not to laugh at the people who gush about jing yuan, talking about how they possibly had a chance with the general, if they were given the time.

yanqing would find it suspicious that jing yuan dismisses him every time you pay him a visit. he brushes it off though, thinking it's probably just two adults having a boring conversation.

poor little lieutenant.

(y/n): do you any plans on telling yanqing? jing yuan: i don't have any. (smiles) (y/n): what would he think if he finds out his general has been hiding a secret like this from him? jing yuan: that boy will understand. i don't want to tell him yet though, i'd prefer to keep you to myself.

overall, hiding your relationship with jing yuan is kind of fun. you can only imagine the reactions you'll receive from others when you tell them. if you ever decide to reveal this relationship, that is.

whatever you decide, jing yuan is with you. though he wants the show the entire luofu his love for you, he'd also keep it between you two if you wish.

BLADE

ever the remarkable sworsdman, blade could only ever fall to one person's hand—you.

he could never call you his weakness because you are everything but that. he finds strength when he's with you, and he says you're the one thing he's grateful for in the universe.

but he can't deny the fact his enemies will try to target you to get him, therefore making you a weakness.

you understand his side, and you know why he wishes to keep your relationship a secret—even from the other stellaron hunters. it's hard to find time for each other, but neither of you give up on it. every moment you two get alone together, you make the most of it.

it's not difficult to hide your relationship with blade, but finding the time and making the excuses to be with him is. after all, continuously using the excuse "i'm going out with a friend." is getting kind of suspicious.

it's also difficult when other people flirt with you or try to set you up with someone because you've been "single for too long."

for blade's sake, you reject all their offers and say you aren't interested in getting into a relationship at the moment.

there was one time you coincidentally went to the same place as blade, and he saw someone trying to get your attention. you actually congratulated him for not driving that person away from you when he saw.

(y/n): you weren't jealous? (teasing) blade: ... (y/n): congratulations, blade. you actually held back! blade: ...

you don't mind hiding your relationship with blade. though you wish you could be with him more openly, this just allows you to appreciate time spent with him more.

blade appreciates you all the same, and is willing to live a little longer because of you.

thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[lucysarah-c]

Hi! Happy new years eve ✨🥂 hope you had an awesome 2023 and all my best wishes and blessings for 2024 🫶🏼

Now, I can’t get this idea out of my head. Levi adopting a kitten with his girl. I always thought of Levi like a cat person, idk he just seem to fit on it. And as a cat person myself I would love to read something about it.

I can imagine him thinking is a bad idea but then he cant go anywhere in the house without the kitty 🫶🏼 so adorable I guess

Ahhh happy new year!! Thank you for all your well wishes and sending them back to you! I'm sorry it took me this long to write this for you sweetie! T-T so sorry

It started in the least expected way. Levi and his group of friends had been trying to find new ways to spend time together in their difficult adult lives. They wanted to revisit certain activities they used to enjoy in their glory college days and bond a little. You, of course, didn’t complain. If Levi decided to go camping with his friends or hiking on any weekend, it was also a chance for you to hang out with your friends at home, maybe watch a movie he doesn’t like, and have a “me” afternoon. It was all positive until Levi began to notice something during their hangouts.

Dogs.

All of them, particularly Mike and Erwin, had their own respective big, fluffy, loyal-to-death dogs that they would take with them on hikes, jogs, or even camping trips. You could see from the look in your boyfriend's eyes that he was envious. The only reason you and Levi hadn’t adopted any pets before wasn’t because of you in particular. You grew up with pets, loved them, and felt that the house was missing something without a fluffy companion. And don’t get me wrong, Levi had always had a soft spot for animals. But, in his own words, “As a kid, my family could never afford one… and Kenny hated them so.”

When you two moved in together, he didn’t want any pets due to "too much hair, too much mess, and too much money spent on the vet." But now, you could see in his eyes that he desired one, especially when they took pictures with his friends' dogs, and Levi hardly ever took pictures himself. Sooner or later, you brought up the idea, and he seemed excited. You quickly guessed that he wasn’t going to be the one to suggest it since perhaps his pride stopped him from admitting that now all the previous reasons he had given you to say no weren’t that important.

One lazy Saturday, you were walking past the doors of a shelter. Both of you admitted that if you were going to get a pet, it would be a rescue, giving the chance for an animal to live the American dream (two adults with good salaries, a pretty house, and no kids) after someone had made them believe they were trash. Both of you talked to the receptionist, who said that soon she would walk both of you to the dog’s department to choose. But when the guide came back and you were ready to go in and check out the puppies with your boyfriend, he was nowhere to be found.

Quickly, you followed the sound of people talking, and there he was, talking to a vet at the cat’s side of the shelter. The vet seemed to be deeply engrossed in conversation with him as you reached his side.

“Lev? Love, they are waiting to show us the dogs,” you called to him before smiling softly at the vet, acknowledging their presence.

“Oh, I was just telling him that she never gets close to anyone, not even to us. It was almost magical seeing her trying to reach out to him,” the vet said, and you quickly concluded it was the cat that was rubbing the top of her head against the front of her cage, trying to reach Levi.

“Aww, poor thing,” you said as you bent down slightly to have a better look at her face and perhaps give the cat some love through the small space of the bars. But the cat quickly moved away from your touch and softly hissed.

It hurt you, despite knowing that all cats have their temperament, until the vet spoke again, “Oh, she has always been a little grumpy; she’s not a fan of people.”

Levi also bent down to the cat's level, and he seemed to be the chosen one because the cat was continuously bumping her head against the cage, seeking more love from him. “Well, that makes two of us,” he commented, admitting his antisocial tendencies.

“When we found her, we thought she was feral because of the damage from living on the streets and her attitude, but we found she was chipped. We contacted the owner, but he said that since she couldn’t have more kittens, they left her in the streets,” both of you slightly raised to look at the shelter’s owner with heartbroken faces. “She’s been here for a while, but nobody wants her because she’s old, grumpy, and because of all the pregnancies she had, she has FIV, which is an expensive treatment an-”

“I’m taking her,” Levi interrupted the vet without a second thought, and you were about to comment that the plan was to get a dog, nothing against taking the little cat.

“Are you sure? It’s a lot of responsibility, and she’s rather old,” the vet warned.

“I’m sure. What do I have to do to take her home?” Levi replied with confidence.

That’s how Chai Tea, or just Chai, came into your life. She was a grumpy old lady, but you two loved her to death, especially Levi. She seemed to be a golden brownish Persian, which made sense given her breeding history, but one of her ears was damaged from living on the streets, giving her a permanently angry face. The first sign of her enjoying being a spoiled princess was during her first visit to the vet after her adoption, when the instructions were to reduce her food rations because she was already a bit too chubby.

“Shhh, don’t listen to the vet. You’re perfect,” you heard Levi whispering as he rocked her in his arms in the kitchen. “Here, have some ham.”

She was obsessed with him, and he was obsessed with her. Did Levi complain about the hair? A lot, but at least he took the effort to vacuum and brush her himself. In his own words, “If I can make her life worth it for even a little bit at the end of it, then I’ll do it.”

It was endearing to receive a text message from Levi saying "On my way home," and then witness the little fluffy ball rushing down the hallway with her short legs once you tell her "Chai! Daddy is coming home!"

It was incredibly cute how she would meow all the way to the front door, occasionally looking back at you to make sure both of you were going to greet him.

It’s rather funny how he went to a shelter to get a big dog for his "bro's" adventures and came back with a cat that demanded to be picked up and rocked in his arms while he prepared dinner. Even funnier is how he accepted it. Now your camera phone is full of pictures and videos of Levi humming lullabies, sleeping with a cat on top of him, or holding her up in the air so she can hunt a moth.

A little bit jealous? Perhaps. Sometimes, Levi seems more eager to greet the fluffy cat when he gets home than he is to greet you. But being able to give an elderly cat a second chance was a better experience than anything else.

Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @i-literally-cant-with-this @angelofthorr @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @s0meb0dy-0nce-t0ld-me @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hum4n-wr3ckag3 @hannieslovebot @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @flxrartsstuff @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's so frustrating is how often the arguments against us are actually happening to us. we said - you need to watch out, this will evolve into allowing fascism into legal statute. and we were told: you're a sensitive snowflake. you're annoying and stupid and have no concept of reality. nobody really believes that stuff.

but it's indoctrination for kids to even see queer people. it's grooming for kids to even be around queer people. it's disgusting to even put rainbows on kids clothes. it's inappropriate, shameful, still-an-argument. like any of this is new - we know already. for you, even seeing someone unashamed is the same thing as "forcing" it onto you. because god-forbid you confront any internal thought you have. because god-forbid you practice empathy. rage is better, i guess. it keeps you pretty.

this has always been the way of some people - a while ago, it would have been "sinful" for my white mom to marry my hispanic dad. once, in the year of our lord 2015, someone told me that "mutts" deserve a woodchipper. that one particular insult stayed with me - not because it was the first or last, but because there was something so unbelievably violent about it that i couldn't figure out how to hold it. the idea that someone is so assured of their bigotry and rage that they would paint this kind of a picture. even jokingly, even with the anonymity of the internet, it kind of centered things for me. a sense that, for some people, their rage burned so unimaginably large that it blocked even the basic fact of my humanity.

at one point, while i still had enough fire in me to get into long arguments, one of the bigots i was "debating" (being harassed by) said: to be honest, it's about the sex, not the love. between you, me, and the four walls of this blue hellsite, i actually didn't really care for "love is love" as the slogan of our community. it seemed so placid, so gentle, so ally-focused. where was the vitriol? where was the hours i spent agonizing over myself? where was the quiet moments of my life, filled with the sound of other people's hatred? this static that settles over everything; even for the action of holding her hand.

the world is unfair. i am an adult, and without the veneer and small-pond syndrome of my teenage years, the slogan has started sounding more desperate. the more places i went, the more people i met. love is love. love is defending him on a rooftop bar. the drink she throws at me goes down into my shoes while i stand there, wishing i had a better retort than what the fuck. love is both of us, keeping our heads down, the black SUV full of frat boys (?) pulled up next to us, howling, for five whole blocks, until we both gave up and had to stick our bare legs into the thicket by the side of the road, giving over into tick country rather than let it go on any longer. love is a lazy spring afternoon, my hand on her belly, the fan spinning overhead. did you hear the whole thing about target?

did you hear about being the target? that's a fun little parallel, isn't it. it almost feels like the game that-is-about-me is being played without-my-participation. someone wants to set fire to my life, and i have to wait for a response from a capitalist institution. i am watching a tiktok where a white woman under white lights complains about adult swimsuits, even though i think a lot of people would benefit from having swimming options that are not "instagram-inspired bikini" or "impossible to move in but otherwise pretty".

sometimes it just seems so fucking stupid. like, just to check, the rage you feel and the hatred - you could really just avoid all of that by minding your fucking business. sometimes (and this is true): it's not about you, and people don't need your permission. like, i don't understand any obsession with sports, but it seems to make other people happy. american football literally results in grievous bodily injury - and yet there are onesies for babies that say future quarterback. i personally don't love it, so i just don't buy that stuff. i walk by it, and don't let it bother me. there have been so, so, so many times that i was told - "so what if he's a little bit homophobic, if you don't like him, don't watch his movies." "so what if they fired her. don't buy their product." "so what if they wouldn't make a rainbow cake. just don't support them."

sometimes i feel the meaning of it scud against my body, an orca whale inside of me, threatening the boat. it is too large to see from my place; this shadow of a thing that dwarfs my petty other-concerns. i need to find a dress for an event, and florida is passing more anti-gay legislation. i need to text my friend back and confirm our plans, and someone is throwing beer bottles to the floor in a walmart because a different case had rainbows on them. it is a long fall, if i look down into it; this sense like the bottom doesn't exist. like i have only ever dipped my toes in.

sometimes i am unbelievably tired of talking about it. it feels like it has become too trite in my own poetry - queer writer complains about the state of the world! how original! - and then something else happens, and i am here again. i remember that it isn't a moment. i remember it isn't a scattered population of cartoon evil-doers, intent on world domination from behind handlebar mustaches. it is a concerted effort of real people with real power who really-do want to see my end. it is a lifetime of dodging the beercan as it sails out of the back of the van. it is a lifetime of not-kissing once we leave the apartment. it is a lifetime of watching someone protest our existence and then, very slowly, giving them the finger. it is a lifetime of holding my friends' hands and hearing the same agony in their life that i lived through. it is us, together, our faces turned upwards, the night sky so vast, milky way overhead like a lacework zipper.

it is a lifetime of staring down woodchippers.

[hazbininlove]

Hopelessly Devoted - Chapter 2

-About 3.6k. Some slightly sexual discussions. Kind of a filler before I really get the story moving.

“What if we made a creature that could fly and walk and swim! Imagine that!” Lucifer says, his hands gesturing wildly around him as he pictures it in his head.

“Ever the ambition one, are you?” Esther replies, laughing into her hand as she sits on the bench in front of him. There’s a fond look in her eyes reserved just for him, and he knows it.

“Don’t tease me! You know it’s a good idea!”

“I do. I have no notes to give! So, what will this creature look like?”

He hums, tapping his foot a bit as he thinks. “Well if they can fly they should be feathery, like us! But like, all over!”

“And they’ll walk, so they’ll obviously need feet. But how will they swim?”

“That’s the best part! They won’t be like other birds, they’ll have wider feet! That’s webbed! And that way they can paddle through the water! And their feathers will be waterproof so that they can take flight without worry!”

Esther giggles at his enthusiasm. “And their colors?”

“Oh there’s definitely going to be a lot of variation in that. But the little babies are going to be yellow and cute and just waddle around on their little big feet,” he says, cooing at the images he’s imagining to himself.

“And what of their sizes? Will they be little? Big?”

“They’re gonna be little! Well, not too little. When they’re babies they’ll be tiny for sure, but as adults I suppose they can be bigger. Though I think it’ll still vary, maybe based on the color of their feathers,” he replies. He looks at her with narrowed eyes and a pointed finger. “The males will be bigger though.”

“Oh not this again,” Esther sighs.

“Nu-uh! Not again! Maybe they won’t be a lot bigger but still bigger! Or some features on them will be bigger!”

“I quite like the idea of a shorter male,” she says, a smirk on her face and she stands at full height and looks down slightly at him.

He blushes at her soft gaze, but pouts at her words. And suddenly an idea strikes him, and he smirks up at her. “You know what else of theirs is gonna be big?”

“Pray tell.”

He motions down his own body as his smirk widens. She looks confused for a moment, her head tilting slightly, before her nose scrunches and her hands are on his face and pushing him away from her.

“Oh gross! Luci, you fiend!”

“What can I say? If there’s anything about myself I’d like to give to my little creatures, why not let it be that?”

She groans and leans away from him.

“I kind of want to give it a weird shape,” he adds.

“Please don’t.”

“Come on! It’ll be interesting! How about we make it all coiled up?”

“Now why would you do that?”

“Because it’s kinda funny,” he says, laughing at her disgusted expression.

She continues to lean away from him, but there’s a twinkle in her eyes that tell him she’s still amused by him.

“Well in that case, I vote that the females have something similar. Except, they have false entrances to trick a male should she want to,” she adds.

“Oh that’s just terrible,” he replies. “I love it!”

“And the male has to do a dance,” she says, reaching a hand to stroke his wings. He shivers at her soft touch. “Show off some feathers, prove he deserves her.”

His wings flutter as he gives her a bright grin and tips his hat to her. “Oh I can show some feathers all right.”

——————————————————————————

Lucifer shuffles his feet as he walks behind her, kicking up dirt as he does. It’s been… well he doesn’t even remember the last time someone called him by his other name. It was definitely before his fall, and probably by Michael who often preferred that name because of its connection to the Divine.

Esther always preferred to call him Lucifer. If she called him Samael, it was usually in relation to work. He didn’t work with her now though, not for years since his fall, so the only thing he can assume is that she’s using the name to keep a distance between them in the same way she referred to him earlier as “Morningstar” and not his first name.

”Soooooo…. How’ve things been?” He asks, keeping his tone light to try and shift the mood a bit. He’s still upset about earlier, and he wants to bring it up again, but he hates seeing her sad, and he knows that she’ll only shield herself from him if he tries. Years may have passed but he still knows her. It’s the reason she hasn’t hidden her wings in all this time. She’s made them smaller than their true size, but they’re still present at her back.

”Don’t,” is all she says. He sighs at her curt tone. He wants to look away, avoid her gaze, but he also wants to stare at her and take the time to relearn all the details of her face.

She turns to face him when she decides they’re far away enough from the others. “Samael, I-“

”No,” he says, holding up a hand and looking up at her with a frown. “I won’t hear you if you use that name. You never used that name, so don’t start now.”

”Don’t make this more difficult,” she whispers to him. He can see the tears already forming in her eyes. “Please just let me do what I need to do.”

“Star, please,” he all but begs. His hand moves too quickly for her, and he holds hers gently in his. It feels as soft as he remembers, cold as it always was. “Let me explain everything to you. You know I’d never lie to you. I can’t lie to you.”

Her hand squeezes his, and he brings it up to his face, holding it against his cheek. He feels her thumb stroke his cheek. He smiles a bit at the touch and watches her close her eyes and let out a shaky sigh.

“Why must you always be so difficult, Lucifer?”

He wants to hug her. He wants his arms around her and holding her impossibly close.

“It’s part of my charm?” He settles for that, giving her a sheepish grin as she shakes her head at him. His smile falls as he presses his cheek further into his hand, holding her there. “I didn’t do anything with Lilith before the fall, or for thousands of years after. We were just friends, I promise. I… I empathized with her. I saw so much of us in her. Adam was supposed to be like me but he lacked any respect for his half. It was so different from us. We had our scuffles sure, but I always respected you, and I know you respected me too. I just- I thought she needed a friend, and there were no other humans so I tried to be that.”

“You never spoke to me of any of that. You stopped speaking to me about anything. What was I supposed to think?”

“I know!” His voice raises a bit, but he takes a deep breath and lets it out before he continues. “I know. And that was my mistake. I didn’t think, okay? I was just so caught up in everything, in talking, and I thought… I thought if I told you, you’d stop me.”

”Can you blame me?” Esther asks back. “Knowing what you do now, can you blame me for wanting to stop you? I always encouraged your dreams, Lucifer. I always supported your ideas. But you know that I also always wanted to make sure you’d stop to think before rushing in.”

”You definitely were the smarter one,” he joked. She strokes his cheek again, and he melts into her touch. “Lilith and I just remained friends. Charlie was… well depression’s a bitch and both of us were alone. I thought of you, of how I’m not allowed to step into Heaven, of how you would never be allowed down here, and we both let ourselves be stupid for a moment. And you know what they say! It just takes one time! I mean, I’m sure other people struggle but come on. I’m me!”

”Your pride will surely lead to your downfall if you continue with these jokes,” she says, her tone sharp. “Why you think I’d enjoy jokes about your intimacy with someone else is beyond me.”

He coughs, lowering her hand from his face and using his other to pull at his collar.

“Right, that was stupid. Uhhh,” he looks around, trying to figure out how to continue. “So uh, yeah. Nothing else happened. Just the once, felt like shit about it after, then woah! Charlie happens! And I don’t know, maybe we thought something else could happen, or whatever, but it just never did. I couldn’t forget you and Lilith… Well quite honestly I don’t think Lilith’s ever been romantically interested in anyone. Or at least no one that she ever told me about.”

He looks back at her with pursed lips, worried he’d further upset her. She smiles softly at him, but doesn’t say anything.

“What about you?” He asks nervously. He doesn’t actually want to know, but considering his own actions, he can’t say he’d blame her if she had moved on.

“No, never,” she says quietly. “It was especially difficult, at first. The others were worried I’d fall as well, so I was kept in Primum Mobile close to the Divine. I wasn’t allowed to leave for… let’s just say it was a long time. A few centuries ago, they decided it was enough and I could leave, but by then I saw no point. So I haven’t really been around others. Mostly the Seven, some of the other seraphs and archangels, but that’s about it.”

“So, who took my place in the Seven?”

“Raphael,” she replies. “He’s not around often. He spends most of his time on Earth and has dedicated his life to hospitals and clinics.”

“And the others?” He asks cautiously. He hates that he misses them, especially after what they, what Michael, did to him. But they’re his family just as much as the sins are and he misses them.

“They’re well! I saw Ramiel a few days ago, she’s doing well. Gabriel is all over the place, as usual. It’s hard to catch him unless you happen to be close to the Divine as well. And Michael… he’s fine.”

“You don’t seem too sure of that.”

“It’s a bit complicated with him,” she sighs. She looks away from him for a moment before turning fully towards him. This time, she brings both of her hands to his cheeks. “I’ve never forgiven him for his part in your fall. And I’m still mad at him for causing my own seclusion but he’s- he’s been there for me. As much as I hate to admit it, he’s been the one to check on me the most throughout everything and make sure I wasn’t always alone.”

“Careful now, you almost sound fond of him. I hear Stockholm Syndrome can be a bitch to deal with.”

“Lucifer Samael Morningstar, don’t start with your jokes again,” she scolds him, now pinching his cheeks. “I am not in love with Michael, or any of the others. He did terrible things, yes, but so did you and he did them under orders of the Divine and you know that.”

She lets go of his cheeks but continues to look at him, her eyes a bit sharper than before.

“Sooooo… no one after all these years?”

“Some of us didn’t give up hope,” she mumbled as her arms crossed over her chest and yeah, yeowch that hurt, but deserved.

“I’m sorry. I know that’ll never be enough, I’ll always have that guilt and I can’t fault you for being upset but… I don’t regret having Charlie,” he replies, his tone serious. Because if there’s one thing he wants to clear, Charlie isn’t to be blamed for his mistakes. He messed up, all on his own. Well, it takes two but that's besides the point. Lilith isn’t here to take her side of the blame and it’s probably for the best that she isn’t here. “She’s so amazing, Esther. She’s so cheerful and bright and she reminds me of us back then. About all the best parts of us. I know the way she came to be isn’t ideal but she’s here and she’s my daughter. I love her more than anything.”

“I know, Lucifer,” she says. Her arms are still crossed and her eyes still look sad but she’s smiling at him. “Regardless of how she came to be, she’s here, and she seems like a wonderful girl. She reminds me so much of you when we were younger. Looks so much like you too. If it wasn’t for her height, I’d have thought you’d cloned a female version of yourself.”

“Oh! Ha ha! So jokes at my expense are fine, huh?” He hip checks her for it and she stumbles a bit, not expecting the move.

“Mine are harmless compared to your more crass ones.” She hip checks him back and he laughs heartily. “We’ve gone off track. I was serious earlier, Lucifer. We didn’t know what Sera was doing.”

“Well, she is the High Seraphim. There’s a lot of power for a person.”

“She’s the High Seraphim of the first sphere, and you know that! Her duty is to her sphere, not the entirety of Heaven. For that, Michael is involved. He leads Heaven’s protection. And even as the High Seraphim, there are still others far above her! Or did you forget about Seraphiel? Johoel? For Heaven’s sake Lucifer, time away from it all couldn’t have made you forget all of that!”

“It didn’t!” He replied. His own arms crossed and he turned away from her, pacing back and forth. He never liked admitting when he was wrong. “You think the exterminations were my first thought? I wanted to redeem souls! You know I never wanted to be the one to create evil!”

“I know,” she says. She stops his movements with an arm around his shoulders, pulling his back to her chest. “But you forget yourself at times. You are Lucifer, the shining one, the leader of the choir, but you’re also Samael the destroyer. It was your job to destroy sin.”

“And it was also my job to tempt it,” he signed, leaning into her hold.

“So much so that you became the first,” she tried joking to ease the mood. “I always did say your head was too big for the rest of you. It’s a miracle you can stand up straight.”

“Oh we’re back to this? It’s time for jokes again?” His tone was bland and she laughed, pressing her cheek against his.

“I never said it’s a bad thing. I’ve always believed in you Lucifer. I know you were just doing your job, wanting to believe the best in everyone. And I hate that you’ve never been allowed to see proof of that. But we can change that now. Yes, there are some sinners that deserve damnation but not like this. Not in masses like what has been going on with the exterminations. We need a system.”

He looks up to her dark blue eyes, and feels hope swelling in his chest. “We?”

“I did mention that I’d be coming back down every so often, didn’t I?”

“Why not stay,” he asks. “Here, with me. We could be together again, like old times.”

Her arm starts slipping away from him until he grabs it. He turns around and wraps his own around her waist.

“Oh love, you have no idea how much I wish things could be like old times.” She presses her forehead against his and closes her eyes. Her hands move to grip his jacket on his shoulders. His heart soars hearing her call him that and he pulls her closer to him. “But so much time has passed, and I sent eons believing you’d moved on. And it hurt me. It still hurts, even knowing what I know now. And I don’t even know how long the Divine will allow me this happiness to be here with you.”

“But that’s the beauty of free will, isn’t it? You get to choose what you want to do. You could stay! I’ll spend even longer making it up to you, to prove to you that you’re the only person I’ve ever loved.”

“It seems I’ve forgotten that Samael is also known as the seducer,” she replies, tone sarcastic now. She leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek before pulling away.

“You haven’t seen seduction yet, my love,” he smirks to her, looking up at her with half lidded eyes and a confident smirk. She laughs a bit before leaning away slightly. Not so far that she’s out of his arms, but enough to put some distance between their faces.

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself. I meant what I said earlier. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible.” She smirks, poking him in the side. He startles and lets go of her, and she takes the chance to step away from him, wings extending. “So you better preen those wings and get them nice and ready for your next routine. I expect the dance of a lifetime and a beautiful show of feathers.”

Esther’s wings move and she lifts off the ground, just as a portal opens some ways above her.

“I’ll show you some feathers,” he says to her as the portal closes, a proud smile on his lips.

——————————————————————————

“Sooooo,” is the first thing she hears as the portal closes behind her. “How’d it go?”

She looks up to see Cassiel, Ramiel, and Uriel waiting for her, Michael off to the side watching all of them.

“It went well,” she replies, her cheeks a bit red as she hadn’t expected them to be waiting there for her.

“They want to know if you got back together with him,” Uriel says bluntly, getting straight to the point as always. Ramiel smacks her arm.

“Must you act so tactless!”

“Well, what do you expect me to say?! Don’t get me wrong, I love a good love story but after what he did to her? Love my brother, I do, but she shouldn’t fall back into his arms too quickly,” Uriel defends herself. Ramiel says and Cassiel shrugs.

“I can’t say I disagree,” Cassiel adds, wincing when Ramiel elbows him in the ribs. “What! She’s right! Luci shouldn’t get off easy after leaving her for thousands of years! And having a child with someone else, no less! She should make him work for it. And when she thinks he deserves forgiveness, I’ll be there to properly judge him.”

“You’re both impossible. Esther can judge for herself when she’s ready, not a moment sooner,” Ramiel says, moving closer to Esther and fixing her hair. “A wonderful woman such as yourself deserves a wonderful man at her side. I agree that you should make him work for your forgiveness, but remember that your forgiveness is yours to give. Not anyone else’s.”

“Do you really think this is wise?” Michael asks, speaking up from his spot farther from them. “He’s fallen, Esther, don’t forget that. He’s no longer the angel you once knew.”

“He’s not,” she agrees. He raises an eyebrow at her in curiosity. “He’s changed, no doubt, but so have I. He may have fallen but he’s still an angel, and I believe in him. The consequences of his actions may have been terrible but that doesn’t mean he meant for them to happen. He’s a good man, Michael. I know you know that too.”

“Good or not doesn’t change what’s done. Gabriel should’ve been the one to deliver that message to him, and all the messages moving forward,” Michael replies, stepping closer.

“The Divine chose me for this task. I will not question it, and neither should you,” Esther says, stepping closer to him in challenge.

His eyes soften at her as he moves to hold her cheek. She doesn’t pull away from him, but she also doesn’t lean towards his touch either.

“I just don’t want to see you hurt again,” he says to her. Her eyes are closed and she holds his hand against the side of her face. “He is my brother but you are also like family to me. Had Samael been smarter I’d have been able to truly call you my sister. It’s my job to protect you all. It pains me to see you hurt. It hurts me even more knowing that someone I trusted was the cause of that pain.”

“I need you to trust me now, Michael,” she pleads with him, squeezing her hand. “I know it’s too soon for anything to happen. I won’t fall back into his arms over pretty words. But I love him. I love him so endlessly I feel it with every fiber of my being and being apart from him hurts more than the pain I felt at the thought of his betrayal. Let me have this. I’m begging you.”

“And if you fall?”

“Then I fall,” she whispers, a tearing falling from her eyes. “Not to evil or to temptation, but to him. He is a part of me I cannot continue to exist without.”

“I don’t support this,” Michael replies, wiping her tears. “But should the time come, should you choose to accept him again, I will have to remind him of the consequences if he messes up again.”

“You softie,” Esther laughs. Michael smiles down at her. He hates everything about this, but he won’t question the Divine’s plans.

——————————————————————————

Just wanted to lay down some foundations for Esther and Lucifer here. This is going to be sort of slow burn but in the most teasing way possible. Esther will make him put in the work.

Also, I thought I’d drop my original idea for Esther. I changed it because 1. Most of the angels’ clothes looks very covered. Like even before his fall, Lucifer looks to be wearing a robe/gown like what Adam wears. When I first thought of her clothes, I was thinking of something that matched Lucifer’s current ringleader look, which I realized it wasn’t the time for.

Anyway I hope you enjoy! I’m already working on the next chapter and will hopefully have it up within the next few days.

Taglist: @dreamcatcher62 @art3misa635

[whoslaurapalmer]

twin peaks but it happens in 2010. laura palmer have iphone etc etc

this ask has been haunting me since i saw it last night oh my god okay okay so

i wanted to lead with laura being an influencer but no one was quite influencing in 2010 yet. but the point here being that i think she posts a lot online and cultivates her online image very carefully (very soft, carefree, excited teenager) and has a LOT of followers on everything and always gets a ton of likes. bc it's laura, she's so beautiful and special and popular, of course everyone is following her, of course everyone is liking all her posts to get a piece of her

she has a twitter (laurapalmer93) where she posts a lot of pictures with little captions like.......'morning donuts at the diner!!' with a picture of the donuts and a milkshake or a Coffee To Be An Adult, 'can you believe this guy? <3' with a picture of bobby making a face (or even.........dare i say it...........doing the dougie), a picture of donna and james with '<33333333' (modern emojis were just getting really big then but i myself was not a big emoji user in 2010 yet, so neither is laura), 'don't tell ;)' with a picture of her holding a cigarette (of course everyone still smokes in the high school bathrooms).

one time she gets away with posting the lyrics to if i die young by the band perry (IF I DIE YOUNG! BURY ME IN SATIN! LAY ME DOWN ON A BED OF ROSES!) (FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE DEAD HOW PEOPLE START LISTENING!) bc it's a popular song. it raises a few eyebrows but it's a song and it's laura. how seriously do you take teen angst, even among your friends? that's just what laura does. what's there to really worry about, huh? (the song was released in may 2010 but let's say the lead up to her death is in 2010)

on facebook she posts a lot of volunteer stuff. school dance photos, which she helps organize. buy some cookies to support the french club!! she's very involved with student council, and she organizes the group halloween costume. her facebook is filled with photos of her with other people, but not really any of just her. she doesn't post a lot of statuses, but they're usually about homework or tests or 'feels like summer!' towards the end of the school year. she's friends with her parents. she definitely takes ap classes.

she has a private vent twitter (lostinthewoods) with zero followers that she uses as a diary bc she thinks it'll be safer than having it physically written down. her childhood lisa frank diary with the tiny lock and glitter gel pens that she kept in her bed post went missing, after all. her vent twitter is filled with sooooooo many tweets bc this was still the 160 character limit days and she would just post and post and post especially late at night. (she definitely has string lights in her room.) she is a MASTER of using her phone with no one seeing -- she has the layout absolutely memorized. she was only caught texting in class once and of course the teacher let it go.

bob/leland finds her passwords and breaks into the vent twitter and leaves her horrifying tweets she sees later, instead of the back and forth they have in the diary and leland ripping the pages out.

i think she has a third twitter, for sex, but i'm not sure if that tracks for the time period? (snapchat wasn't a thing until fall 2011.) or like a forum sort of thing? i think it's still super easy for laura to sneak out, even in an increased security camera world. there's still a lot of stress on the, yknow, ~secret unexposed underbelly of the world especially in a time of more eyes on everything~ in the 2010s.

meanwhile, james posts music a lot on facebook, and also acoustic covers of songs. like. yknow. HEY SOUL SISTER. donna loves the original pusheen stickers. they record the picnic video on her flip video camera. mike loves icanhascheezburger, and he jailbreaks his phone. audrey gets really into audrey hepburn quote posting, Aesthetic France, black and white photos, berets, has a photography phase and carries and actual camera bc it's Vintage. she's an early tumblr user. no one else in school has a tumblr yet, so she feels very cool but also very lonely about it.

harry has very little understanding of social media, however cooper is very into all social media, he finds it delightful. he enjoys a good cat video. he looks through all of laura's photos, her tweets, facebook videos, and i think there's, honestly even more of a feeling of tragedy bc of how much more physical evidence there is available of laura's life, lingering fingerprints, last tweets, last posts, passwords to put in and information to see, cold blue computer light, the even worse voyeurism in people expecting so much of your life to be online, in watching it play out online, in the image laura created for herself online to be the person people expected

donna rereads laura's twitter in the dead of night, just over and over again. goes back through their texts. so much of grief has become so much more public with social media and using it as a teenager, and there's this back and forth in donna of not posting anything and then posting the most miserable statuses about losing her best friend.

i know i should get deeper into the investigation but i keep thinking instead of how laura definitely gets a 20/20 special. it's probably definitely called 'the secret life of the american teenager.' (bc there was that show on at the time with the same name) elizabeth vargas visits twin peaks, is appropriately grim, there's a lot of b roll of the town and the woods but without the grace of twin peaks' cinematography. they play up the creation of a narrative big, as they always do on 20/20. the revelation of her 'double life' is at the halfway mark and simultaneously not discussed enough and overestimated. 'laura palmer was your average, everyday teenager -- she liked horses. cats. she got good grades, was homecoming queen, had a boyfriend on the football team. she volunteered on weekends. she had her whole life ahead of her. or was there more to the story than anyone knew? was there a dark side to the all-american girl?' oh, it's agonizing. the trailers play up a lot of potential spooky woods stuff that isn't followed through on in the actual episode.

now 20/20 prides itself on getting the story right, so i feel like it's.........i feel like they have to say it's leland at the end (and they definitely never get into anything about bob). but i also think, for some reason, it could easily have a 'we never found the killer' ending. especially re: s3........the thing is, i feel like laura's death particularly is the kind of thing that shows up on 20/20, but the rest of the circumstances would've ended up on like the unsolved mysteries website (the last revival ended in 2010, before the netflix reboot in 2019) (especially with WELL OUR FBI AGENT WENT MISSING). and there's so much online to put together in a website about it, there's so much for people online to dig into who have never even been to twin peaks, to think they know a town and the people in it and the girl who died even if it's just literally THE MOST DISGUSTING VOYEURISM IN THE WHOLE WORLD i just think there's such a. horror in that. people have the most, just, enraging takes when they get involved in a Murder That Happened Somewhere Else. people thinking they alone can figure out a mystery they've never seen, they can of course see something no one else has. and it's different than the people in the town ignoring it -- i think a lot of the secrets in twin peaks stay the same, no matter the time period, so of course it's still, a terrible dying town killing the people in it, maybe even quieter than it is in the original, some new infrastructure but old buildings, not all of them occupied anymore, ANYWAY -- like of course yes people in the town ignore the same amount they did in the original, all small towns bury things. but just bc the town itself isn't paying attention doesn't mean that some rando online is going to know more, no matter how much they think they will. there's like an entitlement to details of a murder, an I Must Be The Hero, The Savior, bc i'm on a fucking reddit thread about it

now i have zero (0) idea of how medical science and forensics work, but i have to assume there have been some advancements in the field between 1989/1990 and 2010/2011. the town still rushes the funeral, but would albert have been able to find anything else sooner? what is it he would have found to point to leland sooner? oh........dna testing, maybe? would he be able to find out about leland right away? there's more of a sense of urgency, maybe less of a slowness between events, even more of a shattering horror. maybe leland goes missing in an attempt to cover things up. hmmmmmm.

final note -- cooper gets called mulder as a nickname bc the x files happened as a show in this universe.

[lunajay33]

Change Part.5

•🎀🩰🩷•

Summary: Y/n is a loner but loves ballet but her family doesn’t have enough money for her to dance at the studio, Daryl is a redneck who hates people and prefers bikes, until one day these two run into eachother and their lives change drastically, will Daryl toughen her up? Will y/n soften Daryl? Or both? How will things go when people start coming back from the dead

Pairing: Young Daryl Dixon x f!reader

A/n: This is going to be a series, it’s gonna start with how they met eachother and their lives before the apocalypse, eventually it’ll blend with twd story line!!

Part.4

•Masterlist•

“I wanna see ya dance”

“Are you sure it’s kind of embarrassing”

“Show me Angel” he smiled with encouragement

I turned on Swan lake music and did the best I could from what I was capable of, I tried avoiding eye contact, this was my Daryl Dixon I didn’t wanna see him laughing in my face over something in so passionate about, but he never did make fun of me and he never would

“My ballerina, always so graceful”

He wrapped his arms around my waist after I was done pulling me down onto the bed on our apartment in Atlanta, I straddled his legs looking down at him

“I got a surprise for ya”

“Oh do you now?” I smirked thinking he was trying to turn the mood around

“A guy I work with at the shop has a girlfriend, she runs a dance studio and she got classes for adults on the weekends, got a discount so ya could go, if ya want” his face became red which I always adored my heart swelled for him

“DARYL! Are you serious you did that for me” I yelled excited

“Anything for my angel”

“Kids I need everyone to stay completely silent okay, everyone sit along the wall of the windows and don’t move, we will stay until your parents come in 20 minutes” I said calmly as to not scare them they were only young

They listened and we were all sit in silence, my thoughts are in over drive what the hell was happening something was incredibly wrong how was I suppose to leave with those people out there like that and what about where Daryl was

Parents filled in quickly in panic dragging their kids out until finally it was just me, I took out my cell phone dialing Daryl praying he’d answer, my hands were sweaty my chest felt tight

“Angel you okay?” Daryl answered

“Daryl somethings wrong, people are coming back from the dead and eating each other please come get me I’m scared” I heard the tremble in my voice

“Don’t ya move im coming”

He was there in less than 10 minutes running into my classroom grabbing my by my shoulders and wrapping his arms around me tight holding me like the world was ending…….maybe it was

“We gotta go, we’ll go home and get our stuff but Merle’s packin some supplies fer us to get outta town ya gotta be strong” he said wiping my tears away

“Okay just don’t let go of me”

“Never”

We got home and I was quick to fill up a duffel bag with spare clothes, family jewelry, pictures of Daryl and I, baby clothes I had started buying, prenatals and just as I was about to leave I looked into the spare room seeing my Ballet collection, the slippers were still as pretty as the day Daryl gifted them to me, I laid them on the top of my belongs in the bag and zipped it up

“My lil Ballerina ya ready to go?” Daryl asked gently running his hand down my arm

“I don’t wanna leave this is our home, where we were gonna raise this baby”

“We will be alright, cause as long as I got ya with me, I’m home” Daryl didn’t get extremely soft and sentiment with me but when he did I knew it was serious

“Okay, I’m ready” he held my hand tight leading me to his truck with his motorcycle strapped in the trunk, Merle hot on our tail driving his own bike, over the years Merle had gotten a bit more use to me but Merle was Merle he was still an ass and sometimes liked to take his frustrations out on me

“Where are we going?” I asked leaning my head on his shoulder trying to distract myself from the screams and blood all over the streets

“That place I took ya up at the quarry where…….where we were first together”

“Daryl where are you taking me?” I asked as there was a cloth around my eyes as he drove me to god knows where

“Told ya it’s a surprise”

After some more time driving the truck stopped, Daryl got out coming to my side to help me out

“Can I please see now?”

He untied the cloth and what I saw made my heart melt, it was a tent over looking a serene blue quarry lake, he brought me inside the tent where he had a tons of blankets and a picnic basket in the middle

“D you did all this for me?” I asked looking at him with tears in my eyes

“ ‘Course Angel, after what ya did get me, patchin me up, making me feel safe, wanted to give ya somethin back”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders something so new, after Daryl had that incident with his dad we had gotten a lot closer

“I appreciate this so much but you didn’t have to do something back for me, I help you because I want to because……..I love you” he was silent and tensed making me nervous, we’d talked about how he didn’t have much comfort and love growing up

“I think I love ya too, if this is what love feels like” he had the faintest smile

“Soooo would you be my boyfriend?” I asked biting my lip

“Definitely” he smirked as he backed me onto the blankets laying me down so he was hovered over me

“I wanna be with you Daryl, I’m ready”

When we got to the quarry all the memories came rushing back as I looked out over the quarry, a group was already set up there from Atlanta and they were fine with taking the three of us, so after we set up Daryl’s and my tent I came here to try and get my thoughts together

“Ya okay Angel?” Daryl asked as he stood behind me wrapping his arms around my waist resting them on my tiny bump

“Just thinking about or first time here, how nervous you were, how much I realized I really love you” I said leaning back against him letting out all my stress knowing he had me

“Remembered how beautiful ya were, knew ya were the one fer me”

“How beautiful I was? Have I gotten ugly with age?” I teased

“Nah ‘course not, I got the hottest wife in the world and I ain’t letting ya go” he said as he placed a kiss to the top of my head

“We should get back, get settled for the night” I said as I held his hand scared of those “walkers” that could be wander up here

“I know it’s scary but ya gotta stay relaxed, ya know the doctor said stress is bad for the baby”

“I’m trying it’s just……a lot” we made it back to the camp and others were sitting around fires as the sun was slowly setting

I slouched next to Dale letting out an exhausted sigh letting the heat from the fire wash over me, soon Daryl came sitting by me, throwing a blanket over my shoulders and handing me a protein bar he must have packed

“You okay sweetie?” Dale asked, I only just met him but he was obviously very caring

“Oh yeah I’m fine, just a long day, glad we could get out of the town in time”

“So how do you two know eachother?” Andrea asked from across the fire

I looked at Daryl knowing he is a closed off person, being with him since we were young I forget about how he interacts with others but I understood why, he nodded giving me the okay

“We met in highschool, and have just been together since, our science teacher paired us up and changed my life for the better” I smiled remembering how cute I thought he was

“That’s so sweet, you seem like you’re perfect for eachother” Amy chimed in

I just smiled feeling Daryl squeeze my hand under the blanket so the others didn’t see, he was never big on pda

I ate my protein bar and started to feel all the stress from the day come crashing down on me so I leaned over to whisper to Daryl

“Can we go to bed?” he nodded standing up alerting the others we were leaving

“Ya better be careful” Ed said with a menacing feeling, he scared me he had this aura about him that made my skin crawl

Daryl and I walked off to our tent, where Merle was sat on a chair infront of his tent right next to ours

“Yall get nice and chummy with the camp, share fun camp stories” he mocked

“Come on Merle we need to get use to this no point in making enemies of the only people that might still be around” I said not wanting to deal with Merle’s antics right now

“Yer lucky we even helped ya out bitch” he groaned

“Shut yer damn mouth Merle” Daryl opened the tent and we left Merle to stew in his usual anger

I plopped down on the air mattress Daryl had blown up and laid blankets on, he rummaged through my bag to get my pajamas but he stopped

“Ya brought em?” He asked holding up my ballerina slippers

I don’t know why but I blushed

“Well yeah, it was the first thing you have to me” he smiled taking out my pajamas and handing them over

As I changed he took off his shirt and pants, pulling on some sweatpants, we crawled into bed laying in silence for some time

“Do you think this will all be over by the time the baby comes in 6 months?” I asked as he traced patterns around my belly

“I don’t know Angel, but we’ll figure something out, now get some sleep”

“Okay class keep working on your test I’ll be right back” I said in a hurry as I raced off to the bathroom, just making it in time to throw up all my lunch

This didn’t feel like the usually stomach bug but what else could it be……..that’s when I remembered the last time Daryl and I were together, he had just got home from work and he was so worked up from his shift he didn’t even care to use a condom and just wanted to let out his stress

Now here I was after school picking up pregnancy tests from the drug mart, wondering which one would be the most accurate

“Need help?” I looked to my side to see a beautiful woman with locks in her hair and darker skin complexion

“Yes please, I’ve never had to pick before”

She handed me a rapid test in a pink box smiling like she knew how this felt

“I know what it’s like, had the same look you have now before I had my boy, you’ll be okay”

“Thanks, I’m y/n by the way, I haven’t seen you around before are you new here?”

“I’m just passing through and I’m Michonne”

“Well it’s nice to meet you, and thank you for this but I should probably go test this out”

“No problem, good luck girl”

I got home before Daryl quick to pee on the stick, waiting for the results, the box said 5 minutes and those 5 minutes were the most stressful longest minutes of my life

The timer went off, time to see if I was really pregnant, I took the test with shaky hands and flipped it over……….2 lines I was pregnant, I thought I’d be scared and knowing Daryl’s past I wasn’t sure how he’d feel but to have a little baby with the person I love most in this world just felt….right

“Angel I’m home” I heard Daryl call from the front door

I quickly put the test in my back pocket and left to greet him, nervous of how he’d feel

“Hey ya okay?” He asked always reading me like a open book

“I have something I need to tell you”

“What are ya okay?”

“I’m fine, I just want you to know that this is what I want but if you don’t want this then I don’t know I understand why you’d leave but……”

“Ya know I’d never leave ya, now tell me what’s going on, yer freakin me out”

I took the test out of my back pocket and handed it to him, his confusion very clear, he had no idea what he was holding

“What’s this?”

“A pregnancy test, it’s positive”

He didn’t say anything he just kept looking at the test, I could see the thoughts rushing in his head

“Please say something” I whimpered feeling the emotions build up in my throat

He wrapped his arms around my waist picking me up and spinning me around

“I love ya, and I’m gonna love this baby ya hear me”

I woke up to the sun shinning through the tent giving a warm glow around us, remembering the dream of tell Daryl I was pregnant, ever since seeing those people ripping flesh apart I’ve been reminiscing a lot about the past, maybe it’s because there might be a chance that I’d never get that life back, the life I fought so hard for with Daryl, the one I craved and now it felt like it was being ripped away what if this changed things between us

I rolled over feeling the bed beside me was cold and empty, but Daryl was usually an early riser, I changed into some shorts and a more fitting short sleeve shirt, hauling on one of Daryl flannels over it, leaving the tent I saw Merle and Daryl sat around a little fire between our tents

I sat beside Daryl in a chair they must have gotten from the camp

“Here have some of this” Daryl said passing me so deer jerky he packed

“Ya okay?” He asked after I hadn’t spoken for some time

“I’m fine, just been thinking about a lot of stuff”

“Worlds not about you anymore sweetcheeks, get over yerself or ya ain’t gonna last” Merle said scoffing as if this was such a normal thing to happen to the world

“Merle can you just give me a break for once” I sighed rubbing my eyes

“Stop being a princess, may have worked before when Daryl was there to protect ya all the time from the big bad world but ya gotta suck it up” it’s kind of true, I was a bit more sensitive than others but I just didn’t like confrontation and if there ever was Daryl was there like my big strong knight

“Merle we ain’t going through this again” Daryl groaned obviously sick of Merle as well

“I’m gonna go for a walk” I stated getting up to get away from this growing tension

“Take yer knife” Daryl said handing it over

I walked through the surrounding woods enjoying the silence away from Merle, the only sound I could hear was the gentle chirps of birds littered in the trees above

I found a fallen tree sitting against it, little dandelions surrounding the base, I picked a bunch putting them in my pockets, knowing they were edible and might go along way with the group

In the past I would’ve never thought this little yellow “weed” was safe to consume but after a nature survival lesson from Daryl I was basically caught up on everything you could know about the woods

“And why exactly do I have to know survival tips about the wild?” I asked looking at Daryl like he was crazy as we walked through trails for a date he planned

“If yer my girl now ya gotta be able to take care of yerself ya never know what might happen”

“Okay if you say so” I said giggling

He crouched down by a patch of dandelions picking one out and tucking it behind my ear

“Every part of them are edible, roots stem flower” he said continuing to walk

“Really but aren’t weeds bad?”

“Not these ones, trust me spending lots of time out here I’ve had to eat a fair few”

“I…….im sorry” I hated knowing he had to struggle with a neglectful family

“Ain’t yer fault……..ya know my mother woulda loved ya” he rarely talked about her but I knew what happened to her

“Really, that would’ve been nice to meet her, see the woman who made the sweetest guy I’ve ever met”

“That’s why she’d like ya, sweet girl, and because ya love me more than I deserve”

I grabbed his bicep stopping him and turning him towards me

“Don’t speak like that D, you deserve all the love the world can give, ya wouldn’t like if I talked about myself like that would you?” He lowered his head shaking it

“Nah guess not”

“Come on mountain man, show me the rest of your tips” I said and his face exploded in red

“NO NOT LIKE THAT, god Dixon you’re going to be the death of me” I said pushing him forward on the trail screaming internally as he laughed

After spending about half an hour sitting here I got up heading back to camp, when I turned around I heard a groan and leaves crunching it was a walker only steps away from me, I stepped back tripping over a root landing hard in my tailbone, not realizing the walker was right infront of me falling ontop of me, it jaws snapping in my face, using all the strength I had to hold it back, I lifted my leg up kicking it over and off me, quickly taking out my knife driving it through its head ceasing its movement, I looked down over my first splattered with blood, the adrenaline still coursing through me I ran back to the camp past everyone to where Daryl was still sitting by our tent

“Angel what the hell happened” he asked standing up looking at me with horror

“A walker…..” I gasped

He ran his arms all over my body checking for bites, I tried to reassure him I wasn’t bite but for his peace of mind I let him continue

“Ya killed it?” Merle asked from next to us

“Guess I’m not that weak after all”

Part.6

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[precious-little-scoundrel]

Dear John | Apologies II

Summary: Julie Jean responds to Major Egan’s letter of apology, summer 1943

Previous Lettter 💌

18+ for adult language, suggestive content

Almost entirely authored by my talented baby @stylespresleyhearted

Dear John,

It pains me that your letter reads both as an apology and like a goodbye. I sit here writing to you trying to figure out where in my response to you I went wrong. Perhaps the alcohol wore off and you woke up to find you had written to many other actresses and I wasn’t anything special. Maybe I was the only Hollywood starlet desperate enough to reply because your letter sparked a light in me, switched on something in my heart and in between my legs but to you it was just drunken ramblings because no girl at the bars snook off with you. It was a lonely night for you and I was a girl chosen and the night is over now and you’ve got a picture of me that I have entrusted to you and now you’re ready to move on.

“No one wants an eager girl, Julie Jean” that’s what my mother always says and I think the lesson has finally been learned. Do not feel you must apologize and regret any of your words, Major, I chose to snap and send the photo and I chose to respond to your letter. Like I said, it was different than the others and I thought (and hoped) you were different from the men Mother warned me against. And in many ways you are, I suppose, always will be to me. You’re honest to the point of no shame and I’ve told you how you make me feel fizzy all over from your words alone. But you’re also not so different from those other men because now you have a piece of me you are leaving me.

You told me you fought for our country but that you also fought to keep me safe. Did you mean that, Major Egan? I had never felt safer.

If it was the photo that has caused you to alter how you are with me then I am the one who must apologize. You spoke of giving me babies and of thinking of me in your bunk and taking my straw on missions with you because my lips had been on it and it seems I let all that get to my head and I got ahead of myself. As I signed my last letter Major, I am a vain little thing and so I have questions if my photo is the culprit: Did they not live up to your expectations? Were they perhaps not as perky as you hoped they would be without the artifice of support? Did you find my nipples too large? I have to know what it was Johnny, it’s cruel to keep me wondering like this. I stood in front of the mirror this morning and looked at them, trying to pinpoint where they let you down.

In a single letter your opinion came to be of the upmost importance to me.

In this line of business, everyone wants one thing or another and it was nice to speak to someone who wanted and requested nothing and found me beautiful for when I was the most myself. I had a blast on the war bond tour John, I kissed so many boys my lips bruised and my mother was livid and the studios said it was ruining my image but I was so happy. And then to come in contact with you, it felt like everything from that lovely tour had whittled down to you. Just all of it for you.

Only for us to come to this. It is my fault for placing any expectation on you, you placed none on me. If that first letter was you, truly you, then I needed nothing different.

But I wanted you. And maybe I needed the man who wrote to me the first night. There I got again. Need. Expectations. All the trust I put in your words from one letter. You must think me a looney and so desperate.

If this is to be goodbye, Major, I wish you only the best of things and for you to continue returning safely until you are able to come home. The girl who will receive your letters and your calls and gets to have you in her arms upon your return is one I envy but I wish nothing less than love and happiness and safety for you. And I must thank you for everything you helped me to feel with your letter. It was a first for me, and I don’t think I’d be wrong to assume I’ll never feel it again. Not in this life.

Sincerely,

Lana Tierney

p.s if the photograph has disappointed you so, feel free to return it.

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