#so im left alone to deal with this all in my own head which my stupid brain thats got its wires all fucked up

[starillusion13]

omg Hi! Im not sure if you’re still accepting requests but if you still do… I would like to request an ot8 ateez x reader where they all leave her because of a misunderstanding and then they chase her back after but she doesn’t forgive/give in so easily ? Thank you love ❤️

Lost you forever

Pairing: Ateez! ot8 x fem! reader

Genre: Angst, Mafia, Mature

Warnings: crying, mention of death, poison, mentions of mafia activities like shooting and deals in mafia, misunderstanding, pregnancy(?) [plz tell me if I have missed something] oc doesn't forgive easily coz she is deeply hurt.

W.C: 5.3k (i was so into it sorry)

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated 😭. Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

“I have found her.”

All the noise died down with just one sentence. The room is now pin drop silent with all the heads turned towards the same direction and eyes focused on one person. The one who has just entered through the main door and whose voice made everyone stop in their tracks.

The leader of the group with a blank expression, walks towards the said person and grabs the collar of the leather jacket, eyes burning with his creased forehead but somewhere he wants to believe the words he has just heard.

“You realize what you are speaking right, Mingi?”

Nodding his head, he stares right back, “Absolutely.”

“Are you sure that’s her? Maybe, you might have mistaken someone else.”

Closing his eyes for a second, he sighs, “I have seen her with my own eyes, up so close to realize enough that it was her. Her sweet smile and those soft hands, everything is same.”

The one holding his collar loosen his grip and walks over to the table to get back his drink.

“Hongjoong, stop drinking.” The eldest scolds the leader before turning towards the other, “Then where is she and why didn’t you bring back her here? Where exactly did you see?”

“She was working at the café, down the Ross street. The target’s location was last seen in that café and when I reached there, he had already left and then when I heard that sweet voice asking if I need something?”

“did she see you?” The youngest asks him with curiosity filled in his eyes.

“No. I ordered a simple coffee just to see her longer and when she handed it over to me, I felt her soft and innocent hands touching my rough and ruthless ones. I was wearing a mask so she didn’t notice me but she was hiding her pain really well with her sweet smile.”

“But her eyes were telling something else.” Mingi turns towards Yeosang on hearing his response.

Everyone is feeling guilty that they are the reason you are working all alone there and having the pain inside you which your eyes reflect enough to let them know how you are feeling. They have been with you long enough to know every detail of your actions, to read your emotions from afar, to know if you are happy or to realize that you are hiding something then why. Why did they misunderstood you back then and left you all alone helpless?

“I want to see her. Take me there, just tell me which café is that exactly and I will be on my way there.”

“San, calm down. Take it slow. I know that you are eager to meet her like we all are but we can’t just go there like this. You know what we did back that day. I don’t think, she would want to see us again.”

If they had this much power in their hand to erase that day or to change the situation that occurred that day then they would have done long way back but now its impossible to do so. It’s been three years that they have left you but when their mission in this new country led them to cross your path again, they are not going to leave this chance out of their hand. Searching you for so long and not getting any sight of you has made their life a disaster. Hongjoong has been drinking a lot since he found out that he had done wrong with you and not a single member of his gang can control his vigorous nature but being the leader of the uprising mafia gang, he has to control his limits to not let the opposition know his weakness. Yunho is not better than him here, being the fighter of the group, he is overdoing and exhausting himself just because he can’t get you out of his mind and showing his anger on others. Well, Seonghwa needs to be calm here as being the eldest, he finds this as his responsibility to check if his members are doing okay and him being the second in command has to be with the leader most of the time. But the question is how can he just pretend that he doesn’t think about you, his thoughts are always storming inside his head which are revolving around how to get you back. San is restless, he is almost every time being out of the house doing illegal shits without even informing the leader and just messing up things, which sometimes almost bring them to face a hectic situation but thanks to Wooyoung who is always there to save him but what about himself. He is the one who would show his emotions up his sleeves but when it comes to get you back, he is lost in a void. He doesn’t even know whether to be angry, upset, mad or just forget about you. Forget about you? Is it even possible? Mingi is always out of the base, he has taken upon himself to look out for the targets and engaging with the spies all around to know the motives of other gangs and be prepared but one thing is always flashing to him, thoughts of you. Jongho has kept himself silent for most of the times, away from his members and just trying his way to find out where you are. Are you even alive? He is always there to bug Yeosang to find you in every corner of their hometown but you were nowhere to be found and once they had lost all hope of you being alive. Yeosang has taken the job of being hacker too seriously and that just to find you till the last cell of his data but everytime, he is just getting disappointed.

🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚

“Thank you for your order. Have a great night ahead.”

You smile sweetly towards the customer who just left the café and its almost nine at night so you should get prepared to leave for the night. You are always the last worker to leave on the busy scheduled day as you live just few houses away from here and the manager is too sweet to even let her guard accompany you to reach your house. She once requested you to do the extra night shifts on busy days as other workers live bit far away and you could be much helpful to her. She has this warm motherly aura and so you couldn’t reject her request.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry that you had to stay back late again. It’s Halloween season and you know how people are crowding over here.” Your manager having a guilty expression on her face approaches you.

“Oh no, it’s really fine with me. I can keep my mind off with some stuffs while working here so it’s not a big problem. I rather enjoy being here than staying at home and overthinking.”

“You are so sweet. You should take some leaves and rest for few days as I haven’t seen you taking leaves or going out with someone. Don’t waste your young age everytime working here. Have some enjoyment and refresh your mind.”

“Working here gives me the happiness. I don’t think being with someone can actually refresh my mind or rather haunt me…..Nevermind, you must go back as your son is waiting for you and after getting everything back to it’s place, I will hand over the keys to Mr.Lee.”

Nodding her head and waving at you, she rode back to her place leaving you and Mr. lee, who must be in the locker room getting his stuff and later waiting for you outside.

Arranging all the stuffs, it took twenty minutes as your other co-workers had almost done everything before leaving and the previous orders were simple so you didn’t have much to do. Picking up your bag from the counter, you give a final glance to the place to make a mental note if everything is fine. Satisfied with the result, you quickly went outside to see him already standing and waiting for the keys but he is looking impatient.

“Are you fine, Mr.Lee?”

“U-uh yeah…” sweats visibly lining the forehead and lips quivering. Why is he sweating in this cold night?

“If you need help, please do tell me.”

“Actually, I need to leave early… my daughter needs some help and she has just now called me so I think I cant go with you today.”

“Its fine with me. I can manage on my own, its just few steps and I will be home so don’t worry and leave. I hope your daughter is fine.”

He thanked you several times and left. Like always, your smile is still having that warmth even in this chilly night. Your hands rub your arms and you start walking towards your block. Everything is like usual until you start to feel someone is following you but waving it off as if it must be your fear of walking alone without him. Also, it’s Halloween and anything creepy can happen. Even the children’s pranks are creepier than ghosts. You quicken your steps, hands gripping the bag tightly.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you almost had screamed when another hand pressed over your mouth, shutting you up and muffling your scream. Your eyes closed tight and hands trying to remove the palm from over your mouth.

“Y/N. Don’t be afraid, it’s me.”

You froze. Not due to the chilly wind just blew past you but because of the very familiar voice. Familiar? You don’t think it has that same familiarity like before. Every morning, this used to be the first voice you would listen while waking you up and engulfing you in a big bear hug. That’s past as now you are used to being wake up with your alarm or nightmares. Just a reminder, he is the part of causing that nightmare.

Parting your eyes, you can see the tall man standing in front of you. Looking down at you with a soft look on his face, teary eyes and hands slowly slip down from your mouth to your biceps to hold them firmly. The street is brightly lit due to the decorations for the occasion so everything is very clear for your eyes. You stare back at him and not knowing how to react as your body and mind is going against each other but you know a little part of your heart still beats for him, for them.

He is about to pull you in for a hug when you stop him with your hands pressed over his chest, preventing him from coming any closer.

“Y/N….”

“Stop it. You should not just hug randomly someone. You may know me but sorry I can’t really remember you.”

“Random? You are my angel. I want to hug you and say sorry for what I have done. Don’t pretend that you don’t know me, please tell me you have missed me equally.”

“Look, you must have mistaken me with someone else but I’m not her.”Pushing his hands off from you, “Even if I know your name doesn’t mean I know you, you are just like the rest of the customers in my daily life whose name I have to hear often. So it’s nothing special and as I don’t hear your name anymore maybe I would forget it forever.”

“Y/N!”

You make a ‘tsk’ sound on hearing him shout your name. Even if they pretend to be polite or gentle with you, they are the ruthless uprising mafia gang so what do you even expect less from them while controlling their aggression?

“This is you. Shout on me. Blame on me. but. Don’t show your kindness to me again. You have literally showed your true colors that day and look here we are. Standing face to face and you still shouting on me just like that day. You are still the same, Yunho.”

Hearing his name coming out of your mouth after three years is sending a wave of warmth to his heart. Atleast, you called him by his name even though your words are straight away piercing his heart like a sharp knife, you haven’t spoken to him like this ever but he knows he deserves it for leaving you that day.

A black SUV comes to a stop near to a side of you both. If it were any other time, you swear you would have got frightened but the raging veins with hatred towards him is not minding any danger surrounding you. You didn’t look at it’s direction but can hear several footsteps are nearing you. Why are you not scared? Is it because you are feeling safe in his presence? No, it’s just you don’t want to be saved or show your weakness, atleast in front of him.

“Doll.”

Don’t turn back. You are just imagining things. He can’t be hear even yunho is not here, right? You want to believe this but the presence behind you is too near you, his warm hands placed over your shoulder sending a jolt through your body. It may be warm but is lacking the warmth, you can only feel the coldness of feelings there. Turning around, you look into the eyes of Mingi, who just called you with the name he gave you on your first date with him.

Okay, so everyone is here. All the eyes are just looking at you, only you. If it was something back in those days then you would have become shy and hide behind Yunho and not look at them but this time, your daring eyes precisely staring back at them. Their eyes filled with regret meeting your eyes filled with hatred.

“Why are you all here?”

“For you.” Hongjoong replies quickly enough and this made you raise your brow.

The scene is like a deja-vu, very similar to the last time you had seen them. Them circling you under the night sky and you are the centre of the situation but that time, they had that rage in their eyes for blaming you and hoping you to vanish from their eyesight but this time, they have the fear…of losing you again.

“it’s not funny. If you all are going to have some Halloween pranks on people then go somewhere else, don’t waste my time.”

“It’s really not funny and also not a prank. We are really here for you.”Hongjoong said calmly.

“And? You got to see me. You needed to know if I’m alive or not and now you might kill me as I already know a lot of your things and it’s dangerous for you all to keep me alive. Go ahead, shoot me.”

“Y/n, are you insane? How can you think like this that we will shoot you?”

“San, it’s very obvious from the way you were pointing the gun to my forehead with fire in your eyes.” You point to the middle of your forehead with two fingers. They would have found your acts childish but your tone is too harsh for their ears, making it obvious how much hatred you have towards them.

The said man fidgeting his fingers, looking down and a single tear escapes his eyes. The tear of losing you. You are so near to him, just few feet away where he can run to you and hug you tightly and pull you in for a kiss yet so far away because of the way, your eyes glaring at him.

Mingi moves aside when Hongjoong comes in front of you, “Princess-“

“Don’t call me that when you don’t know how to treat one. I’m not your princess. Well, I’m no one to you.”

No one to him and this word burns his heart. Not only his but others too. Still he tried to speak to you.

“Whatever happened that day, we are really guilty for that. We are extremely sorry to treat you that way. I don’t know what happened to me and I put the blame on you, thinking it was your plan, everything I had lost that day was because of me and I lost you but trust me, each day I have spent regretting for this. Please forgive me. Please.”

He is no more holding back his tears, being a leader is a great responsibility and controlling his emotions in every situation is the major part but you were always there with him by his side where he could express himself, to show his vulnerable self to you but this time instead of comforting him, you are mocking back at him.

“Are you crying because of regret or losing your mission that day? I’m sure it’s about the shitty mission or what else-”

Yunho turns you around harshly and this time you can see his flaming eyes, “Are you making fun of him? What happened to you really? You have totally changed. This is not Y/N, we knew back then.”

“Exactly, this is not your Y/N anymore. This is me. An orphan who lives alone in this block and works by the café down the street. Also, not nice to meet any of you.”

You give him a blank expression. His grip on you tightens and you just stare at the hold, hissing but not telling him to leave you. Why? Because you want to feel him. No. You want to see how much he can lose control on you and the physical pain is nothing compared to the mental pain, you have gone through the years.

“Please come back to us. We are here to take you back, to your home, our home.”

Seonghwa. Please don’t speak like that. He is a siren for this because even if you want to hate him, his voice is always as if lurking you to trust him, his words which are still soothing to your ears, remembering those feather kisses. No. They are pinching you like a thorn just like your words are doing to his heart.

“There is nothing called ours. My place is here and nowhere else. I guess you don’t know the meaning of a home. Home is somewhere you can feel warmth and comfort, a forgiving atmosphere to erase your pain into happiness. But the place you are mentioning is a prison to me, hearing the name suffocates me, the memories haunt me. Atleast, here, I’m okay by myself, far away from you all but still nothing is a home to me.”

“Why are you saying like this? Please don’t push us away when we just got you back.”

“So? I should forgive you all and get back to you. Never. This is not happening ever.”

You walk towards him, his ears perk up hearing your heels nearing him, Yunho has left his grip on you but his hands aching to touch you again. The memories of you both spending nights together with warm skin against skin, hushed promises surrounded by the burning love but now even if your skin is warm, the touch was cold with numb feelings.

You pull the strap of Seonghwa’s jacket and other hand block his hand which he was about to raise and swiftly pull the gun out, pointing it towards his forehead. Others come to a warned position.

“If I shoot you here and wait enough to bleed you to death.” You turn to look back at them, their surprise faces looking back at you but no one daring to step forward. “Then if I say, please forgive me. Will it be worthy?”

“But…but we didn’t hurt you. We…we just….” San doesn’t know how to complete his sentence. He is lost within his own words. Seeing you after years, your coldness towards them, even pointing gun towards one of their member and remembering how you and him were in the same position last time causing his hands shake. So ironic for a mafia member. No matter how strong they are, how ruthless they can be but when it comes to you, you are their weakness.

“It’s not always hurting someone physically. Their way of act towards you speaks volume and the words you told me while pointing the gun is way more painful than if you would have actually shoot me.” Turning, towards Seonghwa, “You have already killed me that day. I am dead for you.”

“Baby, please don’t say like this.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that I’m nothing to you all? Stop calling me names.”

Wooyoung’s eyes go wide on hearing your shout. He is so much taken aback by your outburst that he is almost looking helpless towards Mingi standing near him.

“I’m sorry…I mean…please don’t say like this. You are everything to me, to us. You don’t know how messed up we were when we left you. I’m so sorry to leave you but please atleast lets forget about that incident and please come back to us.” Wooyoung stutters but not again using the endearment.

Mingi chirps in, “Human can may make mistakes. Whatever happened that day, we know it was not your fault, it was a mistake and we really forgive you for that. I’m sorry for being harsh on you.”

“Yes. We are really guilty. We should have listened to you but rather we blamed you on the spot and said such harsh words which even if I want to take back, I can’t. I didn’t let you to explain but ended up on a conclusion.” Wooyoung ends the sentence with tears spilling from his eyes silently.

Do you forgive them? Yes. but Why? They are still telling you it was your mistake. You cant forgive them so. No.

“So you still think that it happened because of my mistake? It was an accident?”

“Y/n…”

“Stop it, Yunho. Don’t speak a single word. I’m getting annoyed with you.”

Your steps come to a stop in front of Wooyoung whose eyes are shining to get you so close to him. He raises his hands but got yanked away by you. Maintaining a straight eye contact with him, you grab his collar.

“look at me and say that it was my mistake. It all happened because of me.”

He remained silent. He parts his lips but nothing coming out and this is making you impatient.

“Tell me!”

Hot tears streaming down your eyes. Still your body is not getting enough warmth and craving for it during the cold night in that lonely street. Even if you are with all of them still you are feeling alone. Your vision is getting blurred but you roughly rubbed your eyes with the sleeves of the shrug. Your breathings are getting heavy and you are losing control.

The youngest pulls away Wooyoung from your hold and holds your red hands in his grip which are shaking due to the tight fist.

“Please, calm down. It’s me Jongho. It’s not your fault. No one is blaming you. Take deep breathes and calm down.”

He knows that you are hyperventilating and he still knows how your body is reacting and you hate this. You harshly pull your hands away from his hold.

“Don’t touch me. My body aches when I remember how I let you monsters to touch me, everywhere, every day. I’m feeling so ashamed of myself. Don’t make me regret more. I hate the fact how you still know this about my body and am beyond surprised that you still remember me. Oh wait, you have to remember every detail of your enemy before plotting a nice plan and attacking them, right? And today is the perfect day.”

“You are not my enemy. You are my-“

“Stop. Don’t complete that sentence, Jongho.”

“Don’t speak to him like that, he was not even there during the whole mission, he was in for a quick need for back-end support for Yeosang.”Mingi says in a moderate tone.

“But was there long enough to blame me.”

Hongjoong places a firm hand on Mingi’s shoulder, “No one is blaming you. It was an accident and you didn’t know what to do there.”

“I know that whatever you did was to save yourself and I’m glad that you are fine.”

You stare at Hongjoong for a few moments and then burst out laughing like a maniac. Any other person would have found you weird and commented that you have gone mad. Even they would have made fun of you and teased you that how foolish you looked like while laughing like this.

Frustrated groans and your hands raising to your scalp and you mess your hairs. You are totally acting like a drunk person.

“hongoong, did you hear what he just said? Did you hear everyone? He said that I did that to save me. Huh. To. Save. Me.”

You skip steps towards yeosang and slap him, “You think I have killed Mr. Kim to save myself?”

“Y/n!”

You could barely hear Seonghwa and Yunho’s shout when you grabbed Yeosang’s biceps and shake him. He is shocked not just because you have slapped him but seeing you losing your mind like this and having no control over your actions and he is still thinking that something like this might have happened which cause you to kill Mr.Kim.

“Tell me Yeosang. You think I did it for myself? Tell me.”

Nothing he said in reply, just stared right back at you, the only thought running through his mind is to hug you and say that he won’t be leaving you again. He would protect you from the whole world. His daily searching to get your location was always in vain and he still can’t believe his eyes that you are standing in front of him but your eyes showing the amount of hatred in you for him. a helpless cry audible to his ears to which he was deaf during last time.

“So, you do think it is.”

You take a few steps back, staring back at each of them. San tried to come near you but Yeosang stopped him and shook his head.

“I…I did it…I killed him…It was not an accident.” You look up to the sky and smile to yourself, “I did it to save my family. I shoot him to save you all from his evil planning. You all were my family and I tried my best to face him, my hands were shaking, head was spinning. I couldn’t place the actions and words right in place but I knew I had to do it to save you all.”

“save us?” Hongjoong asks you in surprise.

You chuckle sadly, “Your beloved dad had only invited you to the party so that he could destroy you and your gang. He realized that you are not his own son and Jungwoo is his real son so to give him all the power, it was a better option to erase you from the path. I got to know this because Jungwoo told me and he didn’t want to support his dad in this way and somehow mr.Kim tried to kill me when he heard that I wont let you join the party.”

“That’s why…that’s why…you were whining to spend time with us and cancel the schedule.”

You nod on Jongho’s statement.

“I didn’t know how to stop you so before I could come up with a plan, you were already in your way to catch your target at the party held by Mr.Kim. And…and…when I tried to follow you all, he caught me and poisoned me.”

“Why did he poison you?” Wooyoung almost shout hearing this.

“He wanted to see you all going down first seeing me die and then it would be fun to end you. He really succeeded here.”

“What do you mean?” Yunho asks you slowly. You glance towards him but nod a bit.

Picking up your bag which is lying on the floor because of the previous commotion, you look down and tears flowing continuously, “even when I was poisoned, I escaped from the room and when I reached the scene, you were already in the middle of the bloody scene with your target. He was going to leave the place and would leave you all dying in the bomb blast and that’s how I thought it was best to kill him.”

“You didn’t tell that you were poisoned, we thought you were acting of feeling sick.” Even though Seonghwa confessed what he did feel right back then still he is feeling guilty towards you. You stare right back into his eyes.

“When I shot him in front of you all, Hongjoong snatched the gun from me and you harshly pulled me towards the exit and then it went on with you all blaming me.” You cast a glance towards San, “you pointed the gun at me and threatened me to kill if I don’t spill whose spy I was. You even doubted me with Jungwoo that we were cheating behind you and it was our plan to destroy you.”

Huh. Such cheap thought they had. They all blamed you and called such names and even threatened to kill you. It was not enough that they even insulted you in front of everyone present in the party even tried to prove your imaginary relation with Jungwoo.

“I’m sorry…”

“Mingi. Say sorry to Y/N who was trying to explain everything to you all, who was enduring the pain of spreading poison in her body and was still trying to protect you. Go hug her and pull towards you and say everything is okay, whose hands were shaking because she never killed anyone in her life before despite you all trained her in every field for her self-defence. Go and listen to her and ask her. Are you fine?”

He can’t match your eyes so he looks down regretting his every move, you throw a dirty look at him yet somewhere your eyes showing a little bit of sympathy. Your body still reacting to their touch and wanting to run to their embrace making you hate yourself.

“You can’t go. She is dead. Your Y/N is dead. Congratulations, you have killed her that day. You have killed a new life with her as well. She didn’t even get to know who her father is. Mission completed Boss.”

You stare straight and boldly towards Hongjoong.

“Her? Father? What are you saying?” Yeosang is impatient on hearing such things from you. He is confused just like the others and their heart is racing whereas yours is calm but painfully beating.

“I have lost my first baby and one of you lost the honour of being the father for the first time. It was too late when I woke up in the hospital, the poison had already been spread too much. I don’t know how I am still alive but maybe atleast Jungwoo didn’t leave my side.”

It was a big storm for them. As if the ground disappeared from underneath their feet. You were pregnant and they were unaware of it. If only they had agreed with your warnings, then they would have been having a happy family time with you and their baby together. No matter whose baby she was, she would have been theirs, they all would have given their fatherly love to her.

Without saying any more word, you begin to walk towards your way and didn’t even look back for the last time towards them.

“Y/N…”You heard wooyoung calls you from behind and they might follow you.

Still facing your back towards them, you speak slowly but audible enough for them, “Don’t follow me or come to find me again. You have left me that day, helplessly crying in the garden. Don’t expect me to forgive you and go back to you again.”

You walk away, far away from them where your silhouette getting lost in the painful dark but they know atleast you are safe and alive beyond that darkness. Their eyes follow the last bit of your presence.

They won’t be giving up on you like this. They will get you back someday but they also know that they have lost a part of you forever.

“I love you but I have lost you.”

PART 2

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[ajortga]

i'm not coming home.

pairing: vada cavell x fem reader

warning! sensitive topics ahead include: character death, suicide, overdose, massive angst with NO happy ending.

thank you egg for your request! cried a little making this which usually.. isn't quite normal to happen. hope this might make your angst heart pour a little.. p.s this was partially inspired by some other fics i read that i loved and this was particularly based off the lyrics im not coming home, not really my future:o

-

I just saw that song fic you made, it was very nice. So I’d like to request one of my own…

My future by Billie Eilish?

Obviously for my favorite girl Vada Cavell. Who else would I request for?

-

Her eyes looked at the moon, Vada’s brown eyes looking at the way the moon shone across the city.

“The moon is pretty, isn’t it?” A voice said beside her.

Vada's eyes glanced at you, a small smile forming on her lips.

“Yeah. But you were always prettier.”

“You used to say that a lot.”

“I know. It’s because I think it’s true.”

You stood there in silence, Vada scooted closer to you, pointing at the flowers right ahead of you guys.

“Do you remember when we planted those?”

“Yeah, they grew so pretty. We wanted to make a whole flower garden together.”

“The garden is growing I think.”

“I think so too.

Silence once again, the only sound was the dark trees rustling in the blue moonlight, stars above the two’s heads. Vada bit her lip, looking at the stars, her knees tucked under her arms.

“Do you think in another universe, we’d be in love?” You whispered, catching her off guard as she looked at you, seeing the way your eyes looked hurt.

Vada shrugged, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know..”

Another pause.

“Maybe in another universe, I never so badly wished it was this one though.”

She heard a small laugh, hurt laced behind it, “It once was.”

“In this universe we’re not. Because you’re no longer here.”

…

“I know.”

Vada wishes she could take those words back. 

-

Vada needed space to herself after trying to heal from traumatic experiences it was so hard for her to deal with. You were just trying to help.

You were just trying to help.

Offering to hold her hand in the hallways, reassuring back rubs, kisses on the forehead, sticking by her side.

It was too much for her. She just wanted to be left alone, but she didn’t want to tell you.

You just were so worried, you made sure to love her.

The day Vada was the most stressed, she took all her anger out on you for just trying to comfort her.

“Can you stop being arrogant for once and get it into your brain that you need to leave me alone? You have to let me go and it’s getting so frustrating you can’t get that into your system! Just give me my space when I need it!”

Vada’s voice echoes through the house, her eyes looked enraged as she saw the way your figure looked so small.

“Okay.”

That was the last word she heard you say before you left the apartment to just.. Process.

Vada felt bad, seeing the way your shoulders dropped as you walked out the door. But she was just so frustrated with all these events she couldn't bring herself to apologize. She was too tired.

-

Ding

...

Ding

....

Ding ding ding ding ding

"Oh my god.." Vada groaned tiredly, her phone light almost lighting up the whole room as she rubbed her eyes, stirring from bed.

Who the hell would be notifying her at 2:43 AM?

Her hands flipped her phone over as she looked at the messages, the way her eyes widened was indescribable.

my sweet y/n♡: vada they won't go away.

my sweet y/n♡: i'm so scared.

my sweet y/n♡: it won't stop, vada it won't stop.

my sweet y/n♡: i can't breathe

my sweet y/n♡: i just want it to stop.

my sweet y/n♡: baby please i need you. i don't feel good.

4x call missed

my sweet y/n♡: i'm sorry.

my sweet y/n♡: i love you.

my sweet y/n♡: i love you with my whole heart and i promise that you can finally be left alone like you wanted.

"No! No no no no no!.." She said louder to herself, immediately jumping off the bed and hitting the call button. No response.

"Please just pick up!"

She grabbed her keys and slammed the door shut, immediately going to your house with an inhaler and meds.

She kept ringing and ringing as she heard you pick up, immediately putting the phone to her ear.

"Baby! Baby.. Talk to me. Talk to me please."

"...Vada.." you cry, your voice barely a whisper, "It hurts."

"What did you do? Y/N.. Tell me please, what did you do? Did you take something bad?"

"I just.. I..."

Vada hears you breathing heavily, making small hurtful breaths.

"I just wanted everything to stop... I'm so tired.."

"I'm almost there baby.."

Vada makes a full on swerve as she busts out of her car, hearing the way your labored breaths were gradually beginning to grow shakier. The call ends as she makes a plead of frustration. She grabs the keys she snagged when she left the house and frantically unlocked your door.

"Y/N!" she cries, the house was dark as she turned every corner before rushing into your room, barging in.

There you were, curled up on the ground, your arm over your stomach as she saw the way your chest shook, the way you let out cries. There were pills scattered around you, your hand holding a pill bottle that was almost half empty. Vada screamed as she immediately knelt down as you turned.

"Baby, Y/N, wake up!" She cried, shaking you

You were barely able to make a noise, she could only hear you say her name, your voice barely an audible whisper with tear-stained cheeks and glazed over eyes.

Vada let out a painful cry as her hand reached up to caress your now cold skin. You were shaking as Vada picked you up and cradled you, calling the 3 numbers as quickly as she could, begging for the ambulance to come as quickly as they could.

"Everything is going to be okay. Don't close your eyes sweetheart. I promise you'll be okay.."

You curled your body into hers, your head drooping down as you look at her, your vision unfocused.

Oh how your eyes were the ones she loved so much, the ones she loved so much now looking like this. Lifeless, barely hanging on.

"I'm so sorry. Vada's so sorry baby. I should have never said those mean things to you. You mean the w-world to me. I love you so much," The guilt was stirring in her stomach, unlike anything she's seen before.

You whimper against her, "I-I d-don't feel good... I-I feel s-so c-cold.."

Vada sobbed as she wrapped a blanket around your shaking, fragile body, hugging you tightly.

"I'm here. Help is coming," she whispered, looking down at you, fallen tears beginning to drop on your clothes.

Your eyelids were half-open, Vada's voice was beginning to become muffled. You knew Vada was beyond worried, you just wanted everything to stop for a while.. You also knew deep down, you wouldn't be able to make it. You wouldn't be able to make it out alive. You wouldn't be able to spend the rest of your life and marry Vada. Maybe live in the green meadows like you always dreamed of, cuddling as you watched the stars at night. Maybe have had a cat too and looked like the romantic sweethearts everyone envied of, sharing small gentle kisses in the corners of every place you traveled.

You knew you couldn't be with her till her last breath, but you knew she would be with you till yours.

You knew you wouldn't be able to live your love, so you mustered all the left-over strength you still had and croaked out the 3 little words.

"I love you."

You felt it. Vada did too. The way your eyes glassed over, it was no longer the warm, pretty eyes she adored, they were now foggy and dark. The way your body began to lose it's warm comfort that Vada ever so loved feeling when she cuddled you to bed. It was all fading. And she knew your life was fading too.

Vada cried, she didn't want to loose you. She was sobbing and she couldn't do anything about it, she was so so scared.

"I love you too. I love you so fucking much Y/N. I.. I.." She didn't know what else to say, she was so scared that she couldn't speak anymore, wailing.

You gave her the weakest smile you could muster, though she knew that it wasn't the smile you gave her when your eyes would light up as soon as you saw her, it was the smile that you finally understood.

You understood. The cracking smile that showed you were ready.

"That's all my heart can ever ask for. I-I'll be there with you, as a pretty deer in the moonlight, or the shiniest star. I-I'll be there whenever y-you need me.. It was never your fault.." You whispered, before she could see your eyes go still, your shaking body beginning to slow. The last teardrop that would ever fall go down your cheek.

"No! Open your eyes Y/N! Baby! Please! I'm here! You can open your eyes now! Wake up!"

Vada didn't know love could make her cry this hard as she felt your skin turn cold, she wished she could just take it all back. She'd remember you through every memory. But she'd remember that the memories of the person she loved most would never exist in the future. It was all in the past. She knew that you were gone as she cried into the wind. The ambulance was just too late as they saw her hugging your soulless body, never wanting to let go.

"Vada's so sorry.." She cries in a whisper.

-

Vada felt herself sniffle, she could feel the way her memories invaded her brain. She could never forgive herself for it. On every shooting star she wished that it could've never happened in the first place.

She then noticed the way she felt her cheeks suddenly stain with tears, seeing your pretty body fade away in the moonlight above. Seeing the way that you bit down a hurtful expression, smiling with a cracked heart as she sniffled. The night sky is now beginning to reflect through you. 

It was all her fault. She couldn’t bear to hear it. But she knew now that you weren’t going to come home. You never would.

She knew one day you would fade from her mind completely. She couldn’t bear to know that one day, she’d forget the way you sounded.  She knew that one day, your ghost would eventually fade away, your faded presence beginning to slow as time healed. There would be a day that your ghost would stop showing up completely.

She knew that one day, all your memories would turn into months, years, decades.

Until it’ll all be too old for her to remember. To remember you and the way you were the first person Vada felt her stomach tingle with fluttering butterflies as you kissed her so gently. To remember the way you would hold your umbrella for her as it poured rain, seeing the way your forehead would drip with water from protecting her before you could shelter yourself.

"Keep our love special okay? Keep it just between us. Keep it in your heart." You whispered, before you faded away, knowing one day you'll appear once again.

Vada nodded, slowly, she still can't believe she isn't over it. How could she be?

Her hair was wet, she was so used to feeling a hood over her head. She was so used to being protected by you. Rain drenched her clothes as her body shook, staring at the way the city lights dimmed below her. 

She knew that you weren’t going to come home.

Because there she was, sitting on a wet patch of grass, drenched in the rain. Knowing that once before, you sat with her in the rain, holding an umbrella over her head as you hugged her, cuddling for warmth. 

Vada let out a shaky, broken sigh as she looked up, seeing the way the stars shone. One shone so bright as she smiled. Her star.

From the wind blowing so gently in her hair with rain showering across the city, the deer peeked behind the tree, making a soft noise.

"Every night and day I wish I could feel your cuddles, kiss me and tell me it was all a nightmare, but it's been too long to know it's not just stupid nightmare. I miss you more than words can possibly describe."

Vada rubbed her cheeks, wiping the tears that were falling, feeling the rain drizzle with her sadness, making a quiet cry.

"It's been 5 months Y/N. I love you. I wish you were here with me. "

Maybe you wouldn't be with Vada till her last breath, maybe her grieving wouldn't last that long. But she was there for yours, that's all you could ever ask for. Your girlfriend hugging you as you took your last breath. That was special.

[danikamariewrites]

Could you please write Manorian x Reader where the reader has period cramps and the two of them stay and take care of her?

Lay With Me?

Manorian x reader

A/n: I have been dying to write Manorian so writing them being soft and comforting as my first fic for them has me kicking my feet giggling. Also i just got my period the other day so im projecting bc i need them 🥲🫠

Warnings: period pains, comfort

Waking up was a chore this morning. You did your best to hide your cramps from Manon and Dorian. Of course they acted like they believed you, but they saw right through your little act. You never liked making a big deal about feeling unwell.

Attempting to eat breakfast almost made you vomit. Instead of getting dressed you made your way to the private dining room in comfy sleep clothes, wrapped up in Dorian’s black fluffy robe. Taking a whiff of the eggs and bacon waiting for you on the table had your stomach churning. Pouring a cup of steaming coffee you make your way back to bed.

A wave of cramps hits you as you lay down, forcing you to curl up into a ball. Hoping the pain would exhaust you enough that would just fall asleep.

As you tossed and turned for all of twenty minutes before you gave up on sleep. Dragging yourself into the bathroom you searched the cabinets for a tonic to help the pain. Letting out a frustrated groan after finding nothing you slam the cabinet. Another wave of cramps hits you, bringing a new numbness to your legs.

You quickly wobble to Dorian’s office, knowing you won’t make it all the way down to the healers on your own. Quietly pushing the door open you shyly poke your head in. Before saying anything you watched Dorian work for a bit. Watching his arms flex as he wrote was doing something to you. Gods your hormones are all over the place.

Making your way into his office you plop down in the arm chair across from him at his desk. Curling up into a ball you give him your best doe eyed look along with a sweet pout. Dorian put down his pen, giving you a matching pout. “What’s wrong, darling?” “Will you go to the healers and get me more pain tonic? We’re out and my cramps are really bad.”

Dorian wasted no time in scooping you into his arms, snuggling you close to his chest. “Why didn’t you say something earlier, darling?” He carries you back to the bedroom, placing you down gently. Kissing your forehead he whispers that he’ll be right back.

A few minutes later Dorian comes back with a pouch full of tonics and Manon following holding what you scented is a bag of sweets. Sitting up you licked your lips as the chocolate reached your nose. Manon smirked at you as she dropped the bag on your lap. Dorian hands you one of the tonics kissing your head again.

Settling into bed you dig into your snacks expecting to be left alone. You let out a cute little yelp as Manon sits next to you, pulling you to,lay against her chest. You notice she’s wearing Dorian’s comfy clothes. As you curious look at Dorian you find he pulling on a pair of threadbare pants.

Climbing into bed he lays between your legs on his stomach as he massages your numb thighs. “We want to stay with you. You need us right now, not work. And besides we’re covered.” You snuggle further into Manon’s chest as Dorian’s magical fingers relax you. Your eyes flutter as the pain melts away.

“And, I had the kitchen prepare your favorite dinner which will be up in a few hours. For now just relax darling, we got you.” You run your fingers through his soft raven locks. “You guys are the best,” you hum out before drifting off.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Remember me? (Part 11)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Summary: Under the Mountain, Y/n met the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She was scared of him, but soon she found out that he wasn't who he pretended to be. Despite her efforts at not falling in love with him, she fails. It's not that bad as he loves her back.

But now he's gone, and she's left alone with nothing.

Except for a very adorable reminder of him.

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: secret pregnancy, none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.

A/n: honestly dedicated to @thehighladywrites because we love High Lord Eris in this house 😏😌🫶🏻

also, i feel like this timeline ca be confusing because i honestly dont know what im doing lol so just so you all are aware, this part is supposed to be based on the time just before feyre has fled the night court 😉

(Not edited as i am going to slee, sorry! ignore any mistakes ❣️)

•○🌑○•

The curtains were parted to let in a gentle autumn breeze which toyed with the ends of Y/n's hair, and she huffed gently when she felt someone watching her.

She finished adjusting the covers around the sleeping Fin, taking her time to smooth out the creases before she straightened, turning to find Eris leaning against the doorway, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes trained on the softly snoring boy on the bed.

And he was shirtless.

Y/n told herself it was not that big of a deal, that she had seen plenty of men naked, but seeing that pale expanse of skin covering those hard earned muscles, something shifted in her belly.

He glanced at her, blinking when she stepped forward. He straightened when Y/n continued walking forward, and his arms fell at his sides when she passed by him.

Her brows furrowed as she glanced at him and found a blush covering his face.

"Eris? Are you alright? Is your magic malfunctioning or something?"

He shook his head, still standing in the doorway. She paused to turn an watch him.

"You look a little red, you know. Are you sure you don't have a fever?"

He shook his head again, glancing back at Fin once before he inclined his head towards the corridor leading away from the boy's room.

To say Y/n was concerned and confused would be an understatement.

Eris closed the door to Fin's room gently, then grasped Y/n's hand, hesitantly, tugging her towards a large window nearby.

Y/n whirled towards him the moment he stopped walking. "Eris? What is going on?"

He didn't say anything, simply pulled out a piece of paper from the pocket of the pants that hung dangerously low on his hips.

Y/n's frustrations finally got the best of her. "Are we playing charades, Eris? Or did someone cut off your tongue?"

He sighed. "I did not want to be the bearer of bad news, but I guess I still am as I brought you the letter. It's from Feyre. Forgive me for reading it, but it was open when it fell onto my desk."

Y/n's heart slowed down in fright. It... It could also be something good, right? It didn't have to be about her leaving Rhysand. It could be about him getting better and apologizing...

Y/n knew how stupid it was, really, to hope for that.

And even if that hope had really come true, Feyre was responsible enough to not send the letter practically in the middle of the night.

Y/n opened the folded piece of paper, her eyes moving frantically as she read it and searched for words that would soothe her worries.

It was all in vain.

Y/n, I can't live here anymore. I will soon be winnowing to autumn with Nyx. I hope you don't mind.

Y/n suppressed the rage that reared its head in her chest, taking a deep breath as her eyes rose to meet Eris's.

His eyes held the same sadness she felt and was sure were displayed in her own eyes.

"I have weakened the wards enough for both of them to come through without any harm coming to them, and have already ordered the servants to prepare quarters for them to live in. You don't have to worry about much."

Grateful, Y/n moved without realising what she was doing. One moment, she was standing facing him, the cool autumn air curling around her, and the next, she was surrounded by warmth, her face buried in his shoulder, her arms thrown around her neck. He stiffened, but moments later, he relaxed with a heavy sigh, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Thank you." She mumbled onto his welcoming skin, tightening her hold, knowing she shouldn't.

She felt him nod, and she pulled back to glance at him.

If there was any chance Y/n had been mistaken before about him blushing, she wasn't now.

He definitely was blushing, as red as the colour of the leaves in the court he ruled.

"It- it's nothing."

Despite the heavy news that they had received, Y/n felt her lips curl. "Are you blushing, Vanserra?"

He huffed. "Of course not. Why would I blush?"

"You know," Y/n began as se stopped leaning on him and straightened, though his hands tightened on her waist, as if unwilling to let go. Y/n chose to remain silent on the matter. "It is not nice to lie. Did your mother not teach you?"

He leaned his head closer, a smirk forming on his lips. "She might have, but she also focused more on how to treat the female you love the right way. Must've forgotten about the lying lessons."

Y/n blinked, her face going hot. But before she could say anything, she felt Eris stiffen under her arms. He pulled away instantly, tearing his hands through his hair.

"She's here."

Y/n nodded, her hands falling heavily to her sides.

"Let's go welcome them."

•○🌑○•

Part 12

Remember me Taglist: @holb32 @awoa1 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @luvmoo @we-were-beautiful @eerievixen @zoe2 @fussel9913 @j-pendragonx @thesnugglingduck @jesssicapaniagua @devilsnightz @esposadomd @littleffawn @mandowhatnow @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @princesslolaasworld @asemkta @cat-or-kitten @txzii @bunnyredgirl @theofficialmadman @leeknows-wife @aria-chikage @amygdtjhddzvb @azriels-mate123 @inky-clover @kemillyfreitas @12358 @justdreamstars @cuethedepession @princessvesta @fides25 @nocasdatsgay @acourtofbatboydreams @stained-glass-eyes0708 @glaciuswduo @wallacewillow0773638 @cassie6392 @quackitysdrugdealer @txzii @anuttellaa @coisas-da-dani @hnyclover @sassyslytherinshai @historygeekqueen

General Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392

Eris taglist: @kennedy-brooke @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter

[leggerefiore]

Pokevillians Dealing With Jealousy

hahaha im unwell💕

cw: jealousy, accusations of cheating, happy endings for all, though

characters: Lysandre, Archie, Volo, Colress, Cyrus, Maxie

🔥Lysandre🍷

☕️ A man like himself saw nothing to be jealous or envious over. He had vast wealth, connections, and a social circle that fulfilled him wholly. With you, there was even less reason. He trusted you entirely, too, and truly felt that your relationship was something you both treasured. Yet, the painful feeling seemed to ignite within him when he saw you with an unknown man in the streets of Lumiose. You stood too close to a man dressed in a trench coat tucked away in an alley near his café. Your expression was unreadable due to your position of facing away from Lysandre, but he could see as the man leaned forward. He had enough at the perceived intimacy.

☕️ His strong voice called your name, making you jump. Your wide-eyed expression became apparent as you turned around from the man. Lysandre came to stand at your side with an arm firmly around your shoulders as he stared at the admittedly well-dressed man. He was not an idiot, however. It was obvious the career of the stranger at a glance. Jealousy mixed with a possible betrayal in his heart as you stood in silence. What was going on here? The man politely excused himself from the situation. He made only one last glance at you before he vanished into the busy streets of Lumiose. Lysandre felt mild annoyance and relief at the change.

☕️ “… You know I despise people who take things that aren't theirs,” his hand came to hold your chin, “My love, could you please explain what that was?” While a kiss upon one's cheek could be a platonic greeting, he simply could not shake the feeling of seeing such an exchange in a place away from prying eyes. Had he been too busy as of late? Were you so lonely you took a lover in some detective? His head hurt. The perceived reality crashed against the trust that he held in you.

☕️ “He was whispering something in my ear, Lysandre,” you explained, “It was some madness about your plans needing to be stopped. I had tried to explain that I had no idea what he was talking about when you showed up.” Your hand came to gently try to remove his own from your chin. He relented to your will. Was that detective aware, then? That could be a mess if left alone. The Team Flare Boss would handle it later. “Were you jealous, darling?” you smiled playfully, “Come on, I'd be a fool to even think of another man with a lover like you.”

☕️ He nodded along with your words. Yes, you would be, but Lysandre should have known you were no fool by this point. However, your beauty was something beguiling and unfortunately would draw those with disgusting intentions towards you. They were the dangers, not you. Just as that detective had proven himself. His hands cupped your face instrad as he gazed into your eyes tenderly. “Forgive me, my dear,” he spoke in a softness reserved solely for you, “I allowed myself to be overcome with doubt. I should have known better than that.”

☕️ You leaned into his touch, even resting a hand over his own. The amorous look which you returned to him made him feel even more cruel for the assumption. “It's alright,” you reassured him, “You did end up helping me, after all. I wasn't sure where that interaction was going to go if it kept up.” He leaned down to peck your lips. Perhaps, you needed a guard. People attempting to use you against him was simply a horrifying scenario. Another thing to consider later.

☕️ “And I will always help you if that should be required,” he moved away from the intimate moment to be aware once more that you were still both standing in an alleyway, “My love, let us head into my café. We should talk at once about what baseless claims that detective espoused to you.” Lysandre needed to see what all he knew and settle any possible seeds of doubt it might have sown within you. You nodded and followed at his side as he walked. Jealousy was long forgotten and replaced with worry and concern. The last thing he wanted was another delay in his plans.

🌧Archie🌊

💧 Jealousy felt foreign to Archie. It was extremely rare that he even felt that way. Well, so long as it did not involve a certain redhead. Really, the only thing that ever made him feel jealous always seemed to be related to Maxie. Otherwise, he could not think of a time jealousy had really bothered him. That was probably why he instantly felt upset upon seeing you at the market in Slateport with the Magma Leader. His feelings were like a raging sea when he saw Maxie hand you something and you gasp excitedly.

💧 Archie ran over in a obvious fit, scaring both of you. He immediately felt a bit bad at seeing how he upset you but confused by the harsh look the redhead sent his way. Seriously? Maxie went on a date with his partner and has the balls to act upset with him? Before Archie could pick a fight with the other man, the Magma Leader readjusted his glasses and politely bid a farewell to you both. He only gave a second look at you, to which you hid whatever he had given you away from Archie's sight. This only upset him more.

💧 “Luvdisc!” he pouted at you, “Of all people, you'd go with Maxie over me?” You looked horrified at his words. It made him reconsider his accusation again. Would you even do that? It was not like you at all, but it was also weird to see you out with him, too! His brain felt fried. And, really, what gift you given by Maxie? You were clearly hiding it. He crossed his arms. “Ah – sorry,” he corrected himself, “Why are you out with that guy?”

💧 You looked away nervously, clearly unsure how to respond. The item was still hidden from him. You cleared your throat. “I don't think I've ever seen you get jealous before, Archie,” you tried to change the subject. He was not going to let you and attempted to look at what you had, which made you hide it more. What was it? This was really going to bother him. He now felt the jealousy coming back. What if it was some romantic gift?! Chocolates, flowers… maybe even a ring?!

💧 “Don't tell me… Yer actually in love with him?” Archie gasped, “Is that some gift of his undying affection?!” You looked mortified at those accusations. In trying to hide whatever it was, you only drove him deeper into the worries that you were really in some weird affair with Maxie. You felt distressed by his sudden fit of jealousy and the fact he was not going to stop until he knew what the item was. Sighing, you revealed it to him. This uncomfortable back and forth needed to end before it became a scene that attracted onlookers.

💧 Archie gazed at the Sharpedo plush doll in your hands as you frowned at him. “I asked Maxie to help me find you a birthday gift,” you explained, “I know you two are hot and cold. But, he was your best friend at some point, so I figured he'd know best. This was the choice we picked out together.” He gasped and felt his stomach twist. Between accusing you of cheating and ruining a surprise from you, he almost deflated. Scratching the back of his head, he looked away from you in shame.

💧 “I - I see,” he nodded, “Er, I'm sorry for accusing you of cheating.” Archie was not sure how to make it up from here. “When it comes t' stuff involving him, I just don't think straight most of the time,” he admitted. You sighed and let out a weak laugh. What happened, happened, you supposed, and you held out the plush to him as an early gift. He took it meekly. “I'll treasure it,” he promised, “He can hang out on my work desk. No, wait, Matt might want to take 'em then…” You laughed brighter this time at the thought. In the end, you both managed to move past the moment of jealousy.

💫Volo📜

⭐️ He wanted to claim he was not a jealous man. Volo desperately wished to say feelings of envy did not swirl inside his chest at a variety of things in his day to day. The feeling of jealousy was an unfortunate friend to the blond's lonely existence. He did feel justified in this case, however. The annoying leader of the Diamond Clan had his arm disgustingly wrapped around your shoulders while he let out a laugh. You smiled back at him and leaned slightly into the hug. It was maddening to Volo. He was your lover – him, not Adaman.

⭐️ Putting on his amicable smile, he approached you both. You pulled away from the affection to approach Volo, expression too innocent for the indulgence he had just seen you engaged in. He caught your wrist in his hand as he pulled you into an embrace. Arms locking around your back. Envy still ate at his heart, even with you returning the affection and no matter your surprise at the suddenness of it. His eyes bore into Adaman, who seemed indifferent to the scene before him. He bit his tongue until it drew blood.

⭐️ Soon after the situation, you both bid your farewells to the clan leader and headed back towards a base camp. His hand was tight around your hand as the scene would not leave his mind. It kept eating at his brain enough to cause him to stop in the middle of the marshlands to turn his attention fully to you. His eyes were not the usual ones, filled with a strange curiosity as his hand came to cup your cheek. “Just what were you and Adaman doing earlier?” he asked with a cold tone.

⭐️ You almost wanted to flinch at his behavioural shift. Volo did not quite seem like the friendly man you had come to know. His demeanour seemed almost entirely different; something desperate and feral. His touch was not one with a usual affectionate kind, but something possessive and demanding. You sighed. Was Volo jealous? He did not really strike you as the type. “He was thanking me for battling him,” you explained, “The hug was just him wanting to show his appreciation for saving Hisui.” Volo's suspicious look did not subside.

⭐️ “... Do you really think he wouldn't want more from you?” he tilted his head, “You're a hero to everyone here. Many people would want to court you for the prestige alone.” You grabbed his hand that was on your cheek. Did he think you would just leave him the second another opportunity made itself known? Volo usually seemed so confident in himself. You leaned closer to him and gazed at him lovingly.

⭐️ “And why does that matter when I love you, Volo?” you told him, “I don't want anybody else.” His gaze finally softened at that, appearing to go back to normal from whatever had possessed him. He pressed his forehead against your own and pulled you into a tight embrace. It was nearly suffocating and consuming, but you preferred to him spiralling in jealousy. Seriously, why would you want anyone but him? He arguably was the best bachelor in Hisui, just from his descendant alone.

⭐️ “Good,” he mumbled out, stormy eyes piercing into your own, “I apologise for my odd behaviour. I simply hate the idea of anyone else having what I believe is mine.” You wanted to roll your eyes at his wording. Well, if you were his, then he was yours. Pressing a kiss to his lips, all the tension seemed to fade in the now setting sun. Whatever had come over Volo was gone when you arrived at the base camp, instead replaced with eager chatter about our of the old verses you had found and graciously allowed him to read.

🥼Colress🛸

🧪 Jealousy… It was a strange thing for Colress. Not common at all. Mostly because he was too busy with his work to really focus on things like that. Yet, somehow, seeing you on the beach of Alola with that bug-obssessed man made him feel strangely upset. The way you bickered with him in a strange familiarity made his brain surge with odd thoughts. He knew they were untrue, yet for some reason he felt certain that you were interested in the other man. His typing on his keyboard came to a halt when you leaned into his shoulder to laugh.

🧪 His feet carried him over to you both with little thought. You nearly jumped up at the sudden appearance of Colress, his face eerily serious. Your conversation partner, Guzma as he introduced himself, was unsettled by him. The scientist found himself asking endless questions about this white-haired man, and even challenged him to a battle to observe more data for his research. This all culminated in the blond effectively chasing off Guzma and leaving you alone with him.

🧪 You looked at him curiously after he sat beside you on the beach, taking the place of where his apparent rival had been. With Guzma gone, Colress seemed to have finally processed his feelings and felt even more confused by them. You tugged on his blue stand cruelly. “Col, what got into you?” you tilted your head, “I don't think I've ever seen you act like that. You just kept going on and on about your research and were clearly trying to chase him off.”

🧪 Colress took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Why had he become so jealous? Was it because he had not expected to see you with another man? Or was it the way you leaned into his shoulder and laughed that reminded him too much of your time spent cuddled up with him? He wanted to say he felt embarrassed, but he really did not. Mostly, he was confused and curious about what brought out those emotions. “I was jealous,” he said plainly, “I'm not even sure why I was.” You let out a laugh at his words.

🧪 “Wait, really?” you were honestly a bit amazed, “I thought you only had like… three modes. Research, happy, and, uh, 'playful'.” You were mindful of the children on the beach and monitored your language. Well, there was also hate, but that was only reserved for a certain someone. Otherwise, he mostly was predictable, excluding a few specific circumstances. He chuckled at your words and put his glasses back on.

🧪 “How did you meet him?” he asked curiously, “I know you've been running around Alola while I've been busy with my work, but I hadn't thought you had become close with anybody.” You just shrugged. Guzma was someone you just kept running into when his grunts annoyed you. It eventually became something amicable between you both. Certainly, nothing romantic. Colress just sighed at the end of your explanation. Perfectly normal and expected, honestly. It made his strange fit of jealous feel even more confusing. Your hand came to grasp his gloved one. “How interesting… You've brought forth a new side of me,” he laughed lightly.

🧪 You laughed, too, and leaned against him to watch the Alolan sea in all its grandeur. You both had gone to such a romantic place, and neither of you had done anything all too romantic. “Well, let's make sure you don't have to bring it out again soon,” you looked into his bright yellow eyes, “Why don't we have a date? It's been a while. Maybe that's why you got jealous.” His expression brightened at your words. It seemed that he believed that could be exactly it.

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ Jealousy was a rare thing for him to experience, like most feelings. Cyrus believed he had mastered fully suppressing his spirit, yet, somehow, you continually proved him wrong. Why did his heart ache at the sight of you eagerly chatting with that Gym Leader? The blond had your full attention while you sat on the bench that Cyrus was supposed to meet you at. He was unfortunately familiar, too. A reminder of that painful place. It stung even more when you laughed at something Volkner said and his lips twitched into a playful smile at your reaction.

☄️ You, however, noticed Cyrus before he had to disengage and calm himself down. Waving at him, you called out his name with that tone he failed to resist. Volkner even turned his head to gaze at the blue-haired man, a bit stunned to see him again. With his hands locked behind his back, he approached you both. Minor, polite conversation was exchanged with the Gym Leader as he questioned what Cyrus had been up to, but he seemed to catch on as to why you two were meeting up and excused himself away. Cyrus felt his brain surging with unfortunate thoughts.

☄️ After he had gone away, it remained just you and Cyrus in the secluded area of the park. The blue-haired man took a seat beside you and attempted to realign himself. He was not a jealous person. Envy was a useless thing that caused pointless strife. Yet, the thought of you becoming charmed by Volkner and choosing him over Cyrus was disgustingly consuming. The Gym Leader had charms and was someone that caught many people's eyes, he knew well. His grip on his knee became painful as he tried to force the nightmarish scenario from his head.

☄️ Your sudden touch on his shoulder grounded him back in reality. A soft smile was on your lips. The sun captured your beauty perfectly, making his heart ache even more at the thought of losing you. Your kindness and affection were the only things that held him back from fully dedicating himself to his plans. “… Are you jealous?” you asked curiously, “Cy! That's adorable.” He glared at you for your word choice, which only made you laugh. Everything felt a bit lighter after that sound entered his ears. He would never admit that it was jealousy, however.

☄️ “I… I simply was confused as to why he was here…” Cyrus lied, “Amity Square does not seem to be a place that would attract him.” You tilted your head and nodded along with his words. Volkner really did not seem like the type to want to go to a place full of cute pokemon. You moved to lean your head against his shoulder and hold his hand. Cyrus gripped your hand in return. Why did you even choose him? He was someone who was difficult to get along with and clearly unwanted by most.

☄️ “Who cares? I was just chatting with him to pass the time,” you reassured him, “He said he was the Gym Leader of Sunnyshore, so I got curious if he knew you.” His stomach dropped at that. What had he said about him? Had it been about his isolation in his youth, or how his parents had been utterly disappointed with him? Jealousy had been replaced with dread. “He said you always seemed like someone with a lot of potential,” you turn to look at him sweetly, “When I said you were interested in how power was generated, he said he needed you to return to Sunnyshore.” He wanted to grumble at his lie getting even bigger than it already was.

☄️ “Now, Cy,” you pulled him up from the bench as you stood up, “There's no need to be jealous! You're the only one I love. I doubt I'd ever meet anyone like you again, so don't worry about anyone else stealing me away.” Your arms came around him to squeeze him into a tight hug. His cheeks burned with heat at everything you did to him. He brought a single arm around you and patted your back awkwardly. You just laughed again at his hesitance. And with that, his worries were put to rest. Somehow, you did truly only want to be with him.

☀️Maxie🌋

🪨 The Magma Leader would admit he had moments of jealousy. He was no saint above human emotion, but he prided himself on his control of his feelings. Maxie rarely let them cloud his thinking. Rarely, being the key word. However, a certain anchor wearing man seemed to have this effect on him that caused his train of thought to crash hard and explode. Which is why he nearly screamed at the sight of you at the Lilycove department store with Archie. His hand was resting on your back as you both leaned over to look at something. Envy instantly stabbed directly in his heart. Why were you with Archie?!

🪨 A loud 'ahem' from him brought both of your attentions away from whatever you had been looking at and up to him. You gasped while Archie shot him one of those grins that just made his blood boil. His face barely reflected it, but both of you could read him with unfortunate ease. Sensing his upset, Archie quickly gave 'bye' and left you alone to handle the upset redhead. You rose up to your height and smiled as kindly as you could at Maxie.

🪨 “May I ask just what you were doing with Archie, of all people?” he questioned with a cocked brow, “I hope you know that he and I are rivals. I thought it was fairly obvious.” His scrunched his face up as you scratched your head. If you were going to have an affair with anyone, did it have to be him? He would have preferred it being Tabitha or that rock-loving champion to Archie. You looked completely guilty, too! Frustration was boiling inside him.

🪨 “… Maxie,” you finally replied, using a soft tone, “I was just… looking for something, and I asked Archie for help.” He felt ready to erupt. His hand came to rub his eyes while pushing his glasses up. Your phrasing was not easing any of his concerns that you had decided to run off with the Aqua Leader. You nervously looked away from him. Maxie felt strangely vulnerable and hurt by that idea. Archie was not an unattractive man, nor was he without his charisma. It would not be the first time someone chose Archie over him, and he was certain it would not be the last.

🪨 “… Fine,” he felt too hurt, “I understand if you want to be with Archie, but at least end your relationship with me first.” Your shocked expression got him off guard as he gazed at you. Instantly, you were close to him and holding his hand tightly in your own. You shook your head at his words. Was that not it? Then, why on earth were you here with him in such a position. He did feel the urge to hear you out with how hurt you looked by his accusation.

🪨 “That's not it,” you shook your head again, “I asked him to help find a gift for you… I asked Tabitha but he was not sure, and I didn't think Courtney would want to help me. The only person I could think of was him…” Maxie looked at you suspiciously. A gift… for him? His birthday was coming up. He suddenly felt a bit mortified himself. Gazing at the shelf finally, he saw Numel themed merchandise on it. Oh, no. You were not lying. Archie's hand on you made sense with how touchy he was. His face dropped. The situation had been completely misunderstood by him.

🪨 “M-my dear,” he awkwardly shifted to grip your hand back, “I apologise. I shouldn't have made such a callous accusation… especially while you were doing something so nice for me.” Archie had unfortunately led you right, too. It appeared you were both looking at a large Numel plush before he had interrupted. His cheeks were nearly the same colour as his uniform. “… Doubly so for ruining your surprise,” he wanted to give himself extra paperwork as a punishment for this. You seemed at ease, happy that he had stopped thinking you were cheating on him. The both of you agreed to put the moment behind you, thankfully.

[toxic3mmy]

prompt: you and alex hate each other but one night of your sleep talking changes everything

warning: slight mature content

________________________________________

ever since anyone could remember, you and alex hated one another.

the first time you met, he thought you were an annoying pick me, which you definitely were so far from. and you saw alexis as an arrogant prick who only thinks of himself.

the two of you had mutual friends, which was very ironic given how much you couldn’t stand one another.

your friends always ran into the issue where they couldn’t even get the two of you in the same room. it caused plenty of issues for the two of you to be together and so they settled on either not inviting the both of you at all, or the guys sticking together and the girls doing the same. but of course, the entire friend group wanted you guys to finally hash things out so they could all be together.

it was the end of spring and your mutual friends, minx, tina, rubius, and luzu decided that they’d cook up a plan to enjoy the first week of summer together even if you and alex didn’t get along.

the girls would bring the idea up to you, as the boys would to alex, and only mention that all the others would be joining you all in mexico for a few days without mentioning you or alex to the other. they would then say that there’d be three hotel rooms and you would have your own room. alex would also be told that he would be in his own room but in reality, your friends would have you and alex share a room while the others paired up. they all just really hoped that you guys could get to know each other better and maybe then you could all hangout comfortably without worrying about the tension between you and alex.

so it was set. the guys would take a flight an hour earlier than the girls and you all would meet up at the hotel.

it took no longer than a few hours to get to the airport and you were just ready to shower and sleep and visit the beach the next day.

you all finally arrived at the hotel and met with the boys in the lobby. immediately, you saw that annoying ass beanie and you already knew that alex was here too.

“why didnt you tell me alex was coming?” you whispered to tina

she simply shrugged and smiled nervously

“..and yeah, those are the plans for the week. so, any questions before we go to our rooms?” rubius asked as he went through the plans for the trip

“why is she here?”

“why is he here?”

both you and alex said almost in unison

“well.. we all just wanted to be together. and speaking of, y/n and alex you guys will be sharing a hotel room. we’re all hoping you guys can get the chance to get to know each other and get along for once.”

you and alex were silent. you both just wanted to please your friends so you agreed and all headed to your hotel rooms. you and alex were left alone as you walked side by side to your shared room.

“you’re gonna be one annoying roommate during this trip, aren’t you?” alex broke the awkward silence trying to be funny

“can you not.. its bad enough that i have to be in one of the nicest places in mexico but im forced to share a room with you?? like gross..” i rolled my eyes at him

“and you seriously think i want to deal with you for the next few days? this is going to be miserable” he replied

“ditto, bitch” i scoffed

“well, you really are going to be a huge pain in my ass you know??” alex continued to poke at me

“you’re no ray of fucking sunshine, sweetie”

we finally reach our room, i put my bags down and unlock the door. we both walk in and our eyes almost pop out of our heads.

“you have got to be kidding… one bed?! there’s no way im sleeping near you” alex scoffs annoyed

“you’re right alex, i’ll sleep on the bed and you can sleep on the floor like the dog you are”

“i’m not sleeping on the damn floor! i’m taking half the bed at least”

“fine, im feeling generous but you better stay on your side of the bed, don’t even breathe near me”

“what are you, six? i’m taking my half, man” he shakes his head

“if anyone here is a child, it’s you. but either way, stay off my side, ‘kay?” you smile sarcastically at him

“don’t call me that! i know all your insults are projections and you’re just insecure. and you won’t keep me from my rightful side of the bed”

“yeah okay, im insecure, mister ‘i wont ever take my beanie off because im most definitely bald under it’ ” you rolled your eyes

“i have more hair than your entire family, dumbass. and don’t even get me started on your insecurities, little miss constantly talking to guys and flirting when you’ve never even had a real relationship before” alex said as he crossed his arms

“oh, really? at least i talk to guys, and im not all ‘oh, you’re so p-p-p-pretty’ ” you mock him and his stuttering

“shut your mouth! i stutter and so what?? it doesn’t make me insecure, i just have trouble with words, okay?!”

“yeah, okay” you make a hand gesture of a dick going into your mouth, making fun of alex

“wow.. childish much? grow up y/n” he spat at you, sitting down on the bed and unpacking a few things, then scrolling on his phone

“alex?”

“what?”

“go fuck yourself” you smile and flick him off, angrily slamming the restroom door with your things to shower

“back at ya bitch” he said to himself, occupying himself with his phone

you take about thirty minutes to shower, get dressed, and do your nighttime routine. you’re exhausted from the plane ride and from arguing with alex that you’re ready for bed. you put everything away and slip into bed, still ignoring alex.

almost immediately, you fall asleep.

alex looked over at you as if he was going to say something. he saw you were peacefully sleeping so he continued to watch the video he had playing on his phone.

about an hour later, you found yourself deeply asleep but also tossing and turning in bed.

you throw your blanket off of you and mumbled something softly. alex thought you were talking to him so he took off one of his earphones.

he looked over at you and gulped as his eyes were drawn to the revealing pajamas you had on.

“please…” you whispered, talking in your sleep

alex perked up at the sound of your sleepy voice. were you talking to him?

“oh alex…” you practically moaned

his face was now red all over as he heard the sounds you made.

“mmmf, feels so good baby” again, you were sleeping and still a whimpering mess. you tossed and turned some more.

now this definitely gave alex an embarrassingly aching hard on. god, why was this happening? he thought of the grossest things he could to urge the pent up tension in his pants away.

he decided that he would not intervene and he would just go to sleep. so he pulled up your pajamas that were slipping off of you, covered you with the blanket, and laid down on his side. he was having trouble falling asleep as he had you on his mind. he was angry at himself for getting turned on so easily, and even more, he was pissed about how much he liked your sweet little whimpers.

right as he was about to fall asleep, he heard you mumbling again.

“i love you alex” you sighed, still asleep

alex couldn’t believe it. did you really say that? did you mean it or were you just dreaming? either way he decided to shut everything out and sleep.

——-

the next day you woke up refreshed and ready to see the beautiful city you were in. you were especially excited to visit the beach nearby. you got ready in the bathroom quietly to avoid waking alex.

alex woke up almost half an hour later and you cheerfully greeted him,

“morning ‘lex”

you got nothing in return. you frowned a bit but shrugged it off, assuming that he was still upset about having to share a hotel room with you.

you continued to get ready and finally changed into a cute purple bikini. you had a sheer top over it and some short shorts and also wore some cute platform sandals. the outfit showed off your tramp stamp and hip tattoos perfectly. you felt absolutely hot in this outfit.

you saw that alex still wasn’t ready so you let him know you were meeting tina downstairs and left.

“hey y/n, how was your first night with alex?” tina asked genuinely when you met up with her

“it was okay, we didn’t argue as much as i expected” you laughed

“well that’s some progress, right?” she asked hopeful

“i guess so yeah” you nodded

the two of you decided to meet the others for some coffee at the hotel cafeteria

alex, however, didn’t show

when everyone finished and was getting ready to head to the nearest restaurant for brunch, ruibius wolf whistled loudly at alex’s appearance

“mira que guapo, i might have to take you back to my hotel room tonight before any of the ladies here get their hands on you” he teased and alex laughed softly at him

“yeah, please get him off my hands” you rolled your eyes at alex but he ignored you completely

you shrugged it off thinking he was still upset about being stuck with you

after a brief brunch, the group headed to the beach.

you all happily headed to the beach and laid out your towels and chairs

you had found an outside bar nearby and ordered a drink. you then went back to where your friends were and laid on your chair, enjoying the sun on your skin. you took off your top and your shorts and your body instantly felt cooler.

you laughed and joked with your friends and just enjoyed their company. you noticed that alex wasn’t talking to you but he talked to everyone else and it honestly was nothing out of the ordinary. just as you were thinking of getting another drink at the bar, a tan guy appeared next to you.

“hola, estas bien hermosa y te quiero comprar un coctel. cual te gustaría, nena?” he asked as he took your hand in his, kissing it gently

“oh… lo que sea estará bien.” you blushed slightly as he smiled at you, you couldn’t help but stare at his golden abs. he was hot, there was no denying it.

he left to get you a drink and tina gave you a smirk before saying a short ‘see you later’ and she headed off with the others to take a swim in the beach.

“here you go, nena” the guy handed you the drink and asked, “como te llamas?”

“y/n, what’s your name?”

“me llamo luis, its nice to meet you y/n” he smiled softly

“y/n, i have to talk to you” alex suddenly appeared behind you and luis

“can it wait? im a little busy” you said a bit sternly to him

“no, it’s important” he grabbed your arm and turned to anthony before saying “we’ll be just a minute” he smiled fakely at luis and pulled me aside

“what’s so important that you had to interrupt?”

“put this on” he gave you your shorts and top

“what? why?”

“all these guys are just staring at you! cover yourself up y/n” alex said, annoyed at you

“so what? i can’t help it if i’m sexy”

“shut up.. you don’t understand how guys think. i don’t want anyone to take advantage of you”

“so let me get this straight, first you get upset about being stuck in a hotel room with me, then you ignore me practically all day and now all of a sudden you care about me?? and you’re trying to say i’m being a whore for showing off my body?”

“y/n… it’s really not like that” he sighed

“then what is it like?”

“well… i uh… look im sorry for ignoring you today. i just needed to think about um stuff”

“what stuff?”

“yeah, well no. i don’t know. something happened last night and i didn’t know what to think when it did”

“what happened?”

“did you have any dreams last night?”

“what?” you began to shake a bit because of course you remembered your steamy dream you had that night with alexis in it… but how did he know?

“you were talking in your sleep and um… saying my name and stuff..” alex said slowly, watching your face for your reaction

“oh… yeah um i think you were in my dream but we were uh getting massages together and-and with the um others too…” you said really fast and really nervously

“are you sure? it sounded different.. like you were dreaming of me in a more intimate manner y/n” his face was now so smug and it annoyed you

“are you kidding me?! that’s why you’ve been avoiding me more than usual? it was just a stupid dream! i mean, i even had a wet dream with obama in it once!” you huffed

alex only laughed and shaked his head

……

pt.2????

[mysticalsoot]

tomorrow you can fly

A/N; thanks to @poraphia 's post earlier tonight w photos of will in eyeshadow- we now have this fic I wrote in an hour- soooo- go check out their blog and maybe like take a read here- FYI this is so incredibly self indulgent, reader is just me. this is what its like with my dr s/o. he calls me bunny, I love it. let me be happy.

summary; reader does wil's makeup and helps him get ready for a show!! a bit of anxiety ensues but nothing a bit of soft wilbur can't help!!

tw// anxiety, seperation anxiety, wil is shirtless briefly, barely suggestive but slightly, will gets his makeup done?? very autistic coded reader and kinda will too!! reader is called bunny and bug, very cutesty petnames, fukin sue me

words; 3k

pairings; cc!wilbur x gn!reader

pronouns; none!

masterlist

—★—

"wilbee?" you call softly for your boyfriend, humming and swaying around the flat as you try to find where he's getting ready for his gig-- or rather where he's hiding.

"mm, yes baby?" he calls after you, and you peak into your bedroom, hurrying to stand behind him and wrap yourself around his body as he looks through his side of the closet. you place a kiss on his back, your fingers running over his stomach.

"whatcha doin, lovey?" you hum, resting your cheek against his back as he stops, looks down and chuckles. he turns in your grasp, smiling down at you and holding your face in his hands. you note how small your face feels compared to his grasp, it's nice.

"im trying to get ready, bunny."

a soft smile on his lips as he leans down, practically bent over to place a kiss on your lips before another lingering kiss is placed on your forehead. you grasp at his sides, hands grabbing hold of the fabric of his shirt as you stand tall on your toes to reach him better.

"can I help?" you tilt your head to the side, knowing the answer is yes.

"of course, lovebug," he smiles and turns back to pick out a few tops, you grab onto his free hand, wrapping yours around his finger as he walks over to the bed and places the shirts down, "which one, hun?" he looks over at you as you inspect each one, thinking deeply and searching your brain for each memory of him wearing the choices laid in front of you.

the one on the left is his favorite doomed sweater, everyone knows it. but it's August, and much too hot for a sweater, let alone when he'll be all sweaty. you hand it to him and shake your head.

"aww, but it's my favorite?" he whines playfully, a gentle smirk on his lips as he tosses it aside in the reading nook you both put together. he'll deal with it later.

"I'd rather you not get heatstroke," you hum as you glance between the two other options. one is a white button up, the other being a tighter fitting white tshirt. you point to the Tshirt and nod up at him, "that one, can I get you a jacket, baby?"

he nods, smiling as he takes the options you dismissed and puts them away. you follow him to the closet, almost like a lost puppy, which isn't uncommon for either of you. you're attached at the hip, even at home.

you look through his jackets for a moment or two, while he's deciding on jeans and shoes. he'll get you to pick socks out for him, you like to mismatch them and make sure they're nice and colorful for him. you glance between a green jacket and a black one, both of which are decently light and shouldn't make him sweat much more than he would on his own. you him as you try to grab the green one, pulling it off the hanger and bringing it to him, where he stands in front of the dresser.

"this one," you hum and put it on top of the dresser, the shirt and jeans picked out.

"socks, darling?"

you nod and quickly pick a pair of Minecraft socks.

"love--"

"stick to your roots, wilb."

you smile and look up at him as he shakes his head and kisses your cheek, holding you against him for a few moments before he breathes in and sighs.

"can I do your makeup?" you look up at him, chin rested on his chest as his hands find your hips and rub the bone with his thumbs.

"how do you plan on doing it?" he leans down, a few soft kisses being placed and drug along your neck. gentle, loving motions not meant for anything but to say 'i love you, I'll miss you'.

"eyeshadow, your waterline eyeliner aaaaannd maybe some highlight?" the list is light and would look decently natural, besides the eye makeup, but getting to make him all pretty before a show sounds beautiful. getting to sit on his lap and practically draw on his face with powders and eye pencils, his hands on your hips--it sounds like heaven to you.

"I think we can agree on that," a kiss to your cheek and a quick little peck to the lips and he's across the room and in the bathroom. the water starts and you take that as a cue to move, going over to your vanity and setting out what you'll need.

you decide to take out some of your lipstick too, just a small idea you feel like springing on him. you sit there for a few moments before you quickly jump into bed and look out the window for a bit. just watching the tide go in and out, he's a quick shower guy so doing anything that could take more than five minutes, wasn't the best deal. so looking out the window, from a distance might I add, was a good deal. you don't like being too close to the large windows by yourself, you prefer when wil is there behind you. then, if you fall through the big glass windows, he'll fall with you. morbid, but sweet in a way. or that's what your sister Grace, says. either way, you don't mind.

it isn't long until Wil is out of the shower and bathroom, a towel wrapped around his torso and another towel drying his hair.

you look at him for a moment, trying not to gawk as you notice his stomach, the small bit of fat he has there. soft and squeezable and wonderful for laying on, the v-line just below that makes you blush. then your eyes dance to his waist, where it comes in a curve, a small dip that drives you crazy. you glance away when you see him smirking and he shakes his head at your silence and rosy cheeks.

you look back at him a moment later after a loving little scoff leaves his lips and your eyes widen when you see him about to shake his hair out.

"wil! no! you're not a dog, babe!" you squeal out as he shakes his hair out, right in front of you as water droplets shake off everywhere. you're squealing and giggling until he stops and he laughs, lunging over you and attacking your face in sweet kisses, his damp curls tickling your face.

"how's that, hm? better now? you've forgiven me?" he smirks as he pulls back, finger running down your jaw and resting under your chin. he pulls you in for a quick kiss and you pout up at him.

"I've told you no dog shakes. it's mean."

he simply chuckles and shakes his head, letting the towel drop and quickly changing into his clothes. his hair dries quickly, so he doesn't bother with the hair drier. plus, he knows you hate the noise, and with how quiet you've been today, he doesn't want to agitate your nerves any further.

after he's dressed, he sits down in the chair at the vanity before patting his leg, "c'mere, baby," he smiles and you oblige quickly, easily slipping into his lap facing him.

you hold his face in your hands for a few moments before a kiss to his forehead, and then you twist back to grab the concealer you keep for him, he's much too pale for anyone else's.

this isn't your first time either.

you smile as you scoot forwards, his hands landing onto your hips, holding tightly and covering more space on you than you thought was possible. you dab a few dots of concealer in a few places where he gets more blemishes, and then a couple quick swipes under his eyes. you recap the concealer and put it back on the vanity, grabbing the sponge and dabbing it around. he shuts his eyes and sighs softly, fully content in the domesticity of the moment. you've both been awfully quiet today, he's been so pent up and stressed about the night's gig that he hasn't had much to say, and you on the other hand, aren't always the most talkative. at least on your bad or mediocre days. on good days you'd be smiling and talking wil's ear off, which he loved. it reminded him you trusted him, and felt safe to freely speak your mind.

today was a more anxious day for you, so silence was resorted to most often. nothing happened in particular, you just sort of woke up uneasy, sick to your stomach and messages you had gotten from some of wil's acquaintances didn't make you feel better. as always, he'd hum and kiss your nose, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs and muttering 'youre worthy, you're smart, you're beautiful. no one else's words dictate your self worth, mkay?' it's sweet, how much he loves you. how desperately he loves you and how far he is willing to go for that to be known. you've never felt so loved and appreciated as you have when you're in his lap, or his arms or simply in the same room as him.

when wilbur is there you are safe, loved and appreciated and those are things you haven't always felt, and for that, you're thankful to him.

after the concealer is blended, you move onto the eyeshadow, tapping the brush out after you dipped it in one of the green tones. you apply it to his eyelids as he tries not to giggle at the way it tickles, his lip being between his teeth to help keep it contained. his fingers tighten on your hip bones for a few minutes as you finish up with the other eyelid. then you add a bit of shimmer shadow to it, for some sparkle. you're quick with the eyeliner, dragging the pencil gently on his waterline, knowing it's his least favorite part.

as you add the highlight to his inner corners, nose and various other spots on his face, you hum with a smile, "I have an idea, could I tell you about it?"

he hums as a yes, smiling as he looks down at you, just slightly.

"what if I put some red lipstick on me and then kissed all over your face and neck and a bit on this white tshirt here?" your words are spoken slower than most times, partly because of the exhaustion of being anxious for a whole day and partly because it insinuates a bit of mischief to your words.

"yes, please, my love," he smirks, loving the idea of going on stage with kiss marks all over his face and neck. what a way to show who's he is, hm?

"wonderful," you're quick with finishing up the base, before you apply the lipstick marks. his cheeks and jaw are heavier in the kisses, and then some more are placed on his neck. you have to reapply the lipstick a few times and after youre done you pull back to look at your work, smiling in satisfaction at your job. Wil looks in the mirror, smirking before kissing your chin.

"it looks beautiful, baby. you did such a good job," he coos softly, a kiss to your cheek as you step off his lap and he stands. you press your hand to his chest as you shake your head.

"almost forgot, lip balm."

he nods and quickly dabs some on his lips, shaking his head and chuckling at how thorough you are.

you help pack his bags and carry them down to the van, and after his guitars and other things are up, he steps aside with you, holding your face and leaning down to meet your eyes.

"promise me you'll be okay? you won't be bored at all?" his eyebrows are all knitted together and you giggle at how worried he seems. you'll be fine after all.

"I'm gonna be fine, I promise. you need to have fun at your show, wilb," your smile is sweet and genuine, and you giggle at every kiss his lips leave on your face. his thumbs rubbing at your cheeks when he pulls back makes you smile even wider.

you didn't want to go to the show, but you didn't tell him that. you simply said you were much too tired and thought staying back and resting was a better option. in reality, his fans scared you a bit. and sometimes you felt judged. it was best to stay at home with your current state of mind anyways.

a few goodbye kisses and a long hug where he picks you up and spins you and then he's off and you're going up the stairs back to your flat.

you're putting away the makeup from earlier, and then head out to the kitchen to put together some leftovers for yourself, bouncing and swaying on your feet, a stim you enjoy most when you're alone. or with wil, but sometimes being with him is like being alone, in an oddly cathartic way. he makes you feel safe, like you can truly be yourself, in the same way you can when there's not a single prying eye. because his brown ones never pry.

you spend your time busying yourself, crocheting different projects you've had going, playing stardew and putting some of wils vods on the TV to help with background noise, and your separation anxiety.

sometime between then and now, you fell asleep on the couch, curled up in pillows and blankets, all nestled in and comfy.

long hours are spent asleep, until the very late hours of night, 2 or 3am and the door is creaking open, shutting and locking. you smile to yourself in your half sleepy daze. you try to pretend to be asleep, knowing that wil would cuddle you if you were awake or asleep, but hoping he'd carry you to bed with him too, if it was the latter.

"love?" he calls softly, dropping his things by the door and shoving his shoes off before hurrying over to you, kneeling down by the side of the couch and pushing hair out of your face. you look up at him through your lashes and he smiles, you broke.

"hi, bee," you hum, reaching out to him and hugging him close, "how was the show?" you speak against his neck, breath fanning over the skin and lifting goosebumps across it.

"very good, the crowd was wonderful. really wish you were there, they would've loved you," he sighs, nestling his face into your neck as he slowly crawls onto the couch with you, laying half on you and half off.

"you have good fans, I don't doubt it," you avoid the other comments, and Wil notes this for later as he rubs your hair and hums to you. you lift your head to look at his face, noticing how his makeup is gone and you frown. he notices and speaks up;

"took it off at the venue, means I can cuddle you immediately," he smiles and you giggle, nodding happily as you stuff your face into his chest and let him embrace you, "ready for bed, bug?"

you nod and he holds you close, before sitting you up. he stands and picks you up by your waist, wrapping you around him and carrying you off to bed. he lays you down, tucking in beside you and kissing your temple.

"were you feeling okay while I was gone?" he asks with a quick chirp. he nibbles at your ear, before a kiss is placed under it.

"yeah, i just crafted and napped," you tuck your head under his chin, hands grasping at his shirt and his covering the top of yours, "you've got big hands," the words are blurted out immediately, without thought. it makes you reel into yourself, hiding your face as it burns red when you realize what you've spoken aloud.

"yeah? well, all the better to hold you with, mm?" he chuckles, shaking his head with a smile and looking out the window for a few seconds. he notices your stillness and reaches down to pull your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze, "your comment didn't make me uncomfortable, I liked it. do you need to breathe with me?"

you shrug and he takes that as a yes.

he holds up his hand, outstretched, and takes a deep breath, putting a finger down for each second he breathes in. you follow his lead. he then does the same for holding, 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out. he does this with you a few more times before he notices your body more relaxed and less tense than before. he wraps his arms tighter around you, pulling you closer into his chest as he cradles the back of your head with his hand. his fingers scratch and massage at your scalp as you sigh in contentment.

"i didnt mean to say it," you shake your head, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"doesn't mean you didnt mean it,"

"i meant it," your response is quick and he smirks at how fast you respond, kissing the crown of your head before leaning back to look at your face.

he leans down, face in his hands as he kisses you ever so softly on the lips, love and care seeping into the touch and when you pull away, a slight tingle is left on the skin he touched. it's nice, like an echo of his love gets left behind with every graze of his fingers or lips or simply his touch. its addicting.

"sleep?" you whisper softly, a yawn seeping through your words.

he nods, and you curl up in his chest as you both shuffle and adjust in the bedsheets.

"goodnight, bunny," he smiles, eyes shut as he kisses your forehead.

"goodnight, bee," and with your words and his touch, slips away any worry that weighed on your chest, and now you feel light. maybe tomorrow you can fly, you hope its with him.

taglist; @ella-fella-bo-bella @lillylvjy @sleepyburs @lotusanonymouse @lcvejoy

as a gift, here are the photos<3

[hero-next-door]

Defending Nathan Prescott

(From Every Accusation)

All fact proven & common sense theory

No bullshit.

I suck at grammar. Deal with it.

I've replayed the game far too many times to gather this. I read into everything and even read into and WATCHED people who have suffered the same mental illness and situations Nathan has been in.

What I'll be covering:

Illness, rib breaking, dead animals, bdsm, Chloes pic, Rachel, gun on campus, Kate, Pompidou, Jefferson, wealth and his father.

And dont even THINK about skipping ahead!

Everything here is tied into one another. Read from start to finish. You're on this post to understand, right? Or to argue? Im not here to argue so, bye.

Lets start from the top...

Nathans downfall was caused by society and all who failed him. He's driven by hatred of others who don't understand him, and the game purposly wrote him off that way. They want players to hate him from what sides of the stories we've experienced. They gave this character controversial hobbies and a cynical bully attitude to really keep you suspecting him and not guessing Jefferson. The game isn't about Nathan. It's about Max. We learn so much about Max and everyone close to her. The tears they shed, the pains they've endorsed. Same with Chloe and Rachel's story. My heart goes out to all of them. We don't get to see that with other characters. Therefore, we don't care for them...or that's the games' intentions. We don't know the ins and outs of Nathan. Only what the game shows us, which are all negative. So, of course, disliking Nathan is only reasonable.

Mental Illness

We start with mental illness. He has Psychosis. Lots of proof, but i'm assuming you've seen it all already. Like, do people know what Psychosis is? Do they REALLY know what it is? Because this ALONE changes everything. And not Psychopathy ..Psychosis. Two different things, pookie. Psychopathy is the one where part of the brain is missing or disturbed. THEY'RE the ones that don't have empathy. Psychosis is different. Anybody can get it. This illness can take your empathy and awareness away, then bring it all back after the harm is done, leaving you to process that. Schizo and Bipolar are also all quite a handful to deal with too. Loud Noises/downgrading voices in your head SO LOUD that people will do anything to calm them. (Dont be shy, youtube: "28- Psychotic Episode" by Collège d'Alma) The feeling of loosing your mind is something I notice a lot of haters dont empathize on especially if they killed or hurt sombody. The brain slips into a state so disconnected that interviews with recovering patients I've seen describe it as confusing and scary and dont recall saying the stories they told and actions they did others. Imagine not being able to remember the hurtful things you've said and done. Imagine being told you killed somebody... with your own hands? And you can hardly remember what happened. Like... how would you react? Think about it. Anybody can get psychosis with enough trauma or a kick in the noggin. Some people who were interviewed that had psychosis said that they found relief when getting high or drunk. Little did they know the symptoms could bounce back up to 5x during withdrawal. But they were so desperate to get rid of the voices that they abused the drugs. Like....wow the game really did their research to create such a complicated character. Anyway, moving on.

Edit: After further research, he certainly had bipolar disorder first. Then it went left untreated, therefore sunk him to worse mental state of many other illnesses. Drugs only made things much, much worse. Bipolar disorder can cause schizo and schizo to lead to psychosis. 🙄Jesus Nathan quit hogging all the illnesses.

Now, let's break down everything else...

Shooting Chloe

Just rewatch it. Aims gun, Chloe pushes him, it tightens grip, ACCIDENTLY shoots her, immediately drops gun and gets really scared of he's done, checking to see if she's alive! If you specifically rewatch the ending of Lis1 when Chloe gets shot, they extend his reaction. He goes back and forth, checking her body. If he wanted to kill her, you check pulse and then run. Not sticking around crying about it. There's your empathy you're all saying he doesn't have. Other times where he could have shown more empathy ties with his Psychosis. Some people with the illness said that the voices loudly in their head will convince them that everyone around you is your enemy. Everyone is after you. It can twist your brain to feel anger and fear towards others. Nathan is always hung up on how everyone is using him and trying to control him. Which people ..DO use him. So now he's convinced that everyone is. He's not choosing to feel this way. He just needs psychiatric help.

Breaking Ribs

In Before The Storm, his entire demeanor is completely different than the Lis 1. He's more cowardly and not loud and aggressive. We'll be mentioning his creepy "pervy" binder later. Nathan isn't violent until the end IF you let Nathan get bullied and push his life in a negative direction. Sure, it's not Chloe's responsibility, but this is the game's way of showing you his downfall. We need to remember the game hides scenes and expect you to make up what happened behind the scenes. He broke Samantha's ribs over ..what? She's always so desperate to defend Nathan and even gets upset with Chloe when she doesn't help. So, if you tell her the wrong option to pressure kindness into Nathan, it results in him breaking ribs. How, though? Haters immediately hop online to say cause he's a mean and abusive non-empathic nut head. Are you sure he didn't just push her away, and her clumsiness just fell over? This took place after the play...so he possibly...pushed her off... 😰 She did say she was clumsy. You don't think she would have tried to hug or touch him in any way. Ok ok...calm down... Let's take a step back.. You get this "breaking ribs," ending from letting Nathan get bullied and embarrass himself during the play that his father pressured him about! Adding a little "..fuck you.." to the audience. Showing his start to his villain career and the start of him hating everyone, and you tell Samantha to go hug him!? This is the start of his mental spiral if you let things play out this way. But hurting her with intention? No. Lets tie this in with the other endings to their relationship. You get the clumsy ending. She hurts herself differently, and Nathan is with her in the hospital. Saying how he feels bad that she got hurt. (empathy bell) And they continue yo talk about her photo or whatever. Tie this with the rib one, tie this with the Chloe getting shot incident, and tie this with his mental illness. Come on, do i gotta spell it out for you.. Hurting someone is not what he attends to do. Like he quotes in his voice mail. (Speaking of that voice mail, empathy bell.) He does get angry at Samantha and hurts her, and we as players dont know the full story. But what was playing in his head seconds before and the entirety of the game that led up to this IS the reason why he accidentally hurts her. His anger from the entire game was built up and, unfortunately, released on her. Whatever happened, breaking her ribs was not on his to-do list! And then we have.. The good ending. He sits beside her, smiling.

Oh, wait! He's a little psycho with no human emotion? Psychosis has all parts of the brain attached, pookie. For most cases, It can be cured and helped. I can get it. YOU can get it. He has human emotions when he is at his very rare peaceful moments like with this good ending, when with Victoria ig and other scenes we tend to forget. Because painting him as the villain was the games goal. Jefferson was the plot twist.

Daddy Issues, Smug Talk, and a Gun on campus

Simple guys. Simple. You represent this school. You represent our name. This is a legacy. You will not embarrass me. This isn't about you or your problems!

Sure, YOU wouldn't crumble under that pressure, but Nathan sure did. Sure, child abuse isn't an excuse to "kill" people. But is it the child's fault? Sean-beanbag prescott should be arrested for not taking his boy to the asylum. Instead, he argues with a doctor!? Goofy, bro. But so many people are fueled with anger towards Nathan instead. It's whatever. Prescott, literally being his name, was already a red flag to other characters and chose to hate and bully him over it. Drew hated for what his FATHER did. Nathan did ..what again? Notice how that "rich Malfoy talk" wasn't really present in Before The Storm. Sure he tried to burn Drew with a family financial situation insult but the "Im rich, my father owns everything, I got a lawyer, money this and that" wasn't in his character in the Before the Storm. I believe being a prescott wasn't really in his future goals, and he wasn't ever really passionate about it. It's all in the annoyance in his tone with his father before the play. Lis1 he uses it so often to show that he's the boss and in control. He is influenced by representation for his family/school, wealth, intimidation, and of course hatred and believing everyone hates him. In his mind, everyone is against him, after him, and wants to use him. Again, he doesn't choose to think this way. Let me explain my last sentence clearly, though. Imagine being surrounded by a ton of people. All their attention is on you. They hate who you are. They talk about you. You have a defensless stomach sinking feeling and scared because all these people surrounding you are looking at you and all your insecurities and laughing at you. Well, obviouslysome of that is not going on in reality. But to Nathan, that IS his reality, and he has no control over it. Anyways I shouldn't have to keep explaining mental illness and how it stresses the brain. The bottom line is that his status and waving a gun around is what he thinks keep others out of his head. He can barely throw a punch. He had to use his head on warren, and did you catch when Max hit him in that scene? The dude was literally holding onto his face like he'd been battered. Like she did NOT hit that hard lmao. He's weak. He's always been the same tiny Nathan from before the storm. Just now, he uses masks for intimidation to stop his bullies, and anyone he thinks is "after him." He never meant to use a gun on anybody, just a threat. During the second scene where warren reunited a head butt with Nathan.. If you pull off warren, he barely even aims the gun when he runs away towards his room. Cowardly. He feels that he has to, to protect himself. He also uses his father as a threat, but clearly, that never worked. Also, I noticed him crying when you let Warren get crazy on him? Dudes apologizing and sobing? Guess that's not his first rodeo, rip.

Dead Animals

There is no proof he hurt animals. That's not really like him. He does have a list of illnesses, but Psychopathy isn't one of them. Y'all can keep yappin, but it's not. Clearly NOT one of them. He could have hurt an animal during an unaware episode, but there will not be any awareness behind it. Anyways, there are plenty of artists that do the same thing. Nathan is very passionate about photography and protraying solitary but not in the same way Jefferson does. Jefferson certainly uses that manipulation, but we'll get to that later. There are artists that like to shine on death in a positive light and in sorrow. There's also beauty in anatomy. It's not my cup of tea, but someone close to me can name me all kinds of gross organs and would be down to disect any animal. Yuck. But to them.. its fascinating, and they are the greatest people in my life. In love and in empathy. (NOT comparing my pookie to Nathan, PAUSE.) In anatomy theres Education and surprise. Death is also a theme and style too. Skulls and gore, super "rad" fukin "knarly."

BDSM Skip to (●) next part if needed

Ok.. so he's a little frisky. Y'all need to remember this is a fictional game first, okay? Lol Anyway, I can't defend him much here, but I got something. Firstly, the game WANTS you to suspect Nathan. Can't keep his room pretty and pink. They have to make it freaky and spooky. They paint Nathan as the villian for you to only focus on him as a suspect. So that everyones jaws are dropped with Jefferson twirls in.

Anyway...defending BDSM? This can bring trauma to those who have experienced it negatively or view it negatively. So skip to the Frank defense or read more if you want.

Bdsm relationships are very controversial. Some people see it as unhealthy, abusive, and sick. But if you have talked to or listened to other people within these relationships, they state that its completely consensual, safe, harmless, a breach of deep trust with their partners, and simply a fetish or kink The goal is to have fun at your limit..not pass the limit. There are twisted people who have broken that barrier and made it not fun and abusive. That's where I can't argue. If you feel that way towards the topic, I completely empathize with you.

Nathan has shown in his other photos a black and white theme of solitary. And you can tell that he might have taken those bdsm photos himself. As the quality is almost like the Pompidou photo. Everyone blends him taking bdsm photos with his angry behavior and "non empathic" demeanor. But this is where I loop back to Before The Storm hugging-my-binder Nathan. It's shown that in one of his endings, he took photos of Samantha. Obviously, NOT bdsm photos. His binder was a school project. But Samantha obviously consented, and Nathan was passionate enough to show her. He sees them as art. Naked girls have been models for sculptures and paintings. Its beauty. That's IF she was naked in some way in those photos. Which I still doubt. School project. Im sure the photos were gentle and strange and misunderstood, and Drew was just in his bully era. His reaction would have been a lot more eye-opening if he had a face full of tits or straps. Nathan begged for his binder back and even nervously reacted, showing he had love for his work and 'took time with it' (as he quotes when Drew throws it). I bring this up here to show that the women in his photos were indeed given consent, and if hes passionate about depicting his art, hurting them wouldn't be on his agenda. As we all learned today that hurting people was never his intentions until drugs and illness met with pressure and intimidation clouds his brain.

I read up on other artists that painted things similar. In their paintings, they expressed dread, vulnerability, feeling traped, and ..feeling used. If Nathan did find the images he took arousing, then why would he hang them up like everything else in his room like art? I believe that they're depicted in an artful way and in its black and white shading brings a sad darkness. If it's anything like the painters I mentioned, maybe Nathan has a deep level of empathy we don't understand.

●Frank and Pompidou

I didn't even know he took a picture of Franks hurt dog in the road because you little freaks threw his treat in the street!? This will also tie in to chloes pic, but we'll get to that. Frank first, as it's pretty simple. Nathan runs some system with Frank. And it's pretty obvious it's the same thing Drew was doing in Before the Storm. Nathan clearly doesn't like it as he finds it controlling, but getting his hands on drugs is a great way to forget his flaws and calm his illness symptoms. Which only created a loop of his symptoms worsening, as talked about before. His illness is very active towards the end of Before the Storm. You can tell by his huge character difference that drugs only made it worse.

Pompidou is a good dog, but just remember he's not the one who hurt him. This ties in with what we explained in the dead animal phase. The Imagine is black and white. It's a strange art most people don't understand. Man, I don't even understand it. But these people aren't heartless, and they're simply expressing pain. Or.. he took it for the same reason he took Chloes pic. To feel that he's in control, thinking this will help his mental reality of thinking everyone can use him, as explained earlier. But i doubt it. One is in color, and Pompidou is not. One is misguided, and one is "art."

Jefferson, Rachel, Kate, Chloes pic

If i see one more person throw him in the same trash bin as Jefferson, im going to puke. Anyway, I've twisted my head around this story so many times, begging to see the bigger picture. No pun attended. Jefferson was pulling the strings all along ..you know that, right? If Nathan was never there, Jefferson would have still done his disgusting projects. He certainly brought Victoria over without Nathan's usage. He didn't need Nathan, Nathan just made it easier cause he can easily be manipulated. Making Nathan do it all so the consequences will fall on him. Jefferson is smart and knows the right words to say. Nathan is missing the kindness of a father figure. All he has to do is play with his feelings. Nathan falls too easily to kindness. He felt the kindness of Samantha during the good ending, and He felt the kindness from Victoria.. but Victoria toxic bully nature wasn't helping. The bottom line is Jefferson easily manipulates him and understands his mental reality and uses that against him. Adding thoughts into Nathans head. Jefferson learned to use Nathan's illness to his advantage. Nathan trusted Jefferson as did everyone in that school. Why on earth would Jefferson wrong him? He looked up to him, so when Jefferson slowly brought him into his plans of drugging girls, Nathan thought that it was all ..moral. In reality, you and I know obviously that's not okay, but to Nathan (and his severe illness), he trusted Jefferson was doing no wrong. We don't understand the mental strain he was under. Manipulation goes a long way. Heres how he did it. He probably said things like 'We are the same Nathan, this is art just like yours.' It starts small, Nathan gets him the drugs. Then he pulls him in, and Nathan starts drugging the girls for me. Start driving them here. Start helping me inside the dark room. Start helping me inject my victims. Jefferson had so much power over him. He was connected with his father. He can threaten his grade, his representation, and his future in art. He knew all the right things to say and do. He knew how his head worked. Clog him up with drugs, and keep him quiet. Heal his missing father needs and demand him for your needs. Does this not make Nathan a victim, too?

Then ...the Rachel incident happened. Nathan was NOT mentally aware of what he's done. The excited "Rachel!" When he saw Max at the diner clearly shows that he truly expected her to pull up. This mixes with the symptoms we've discussed. He only remembers bits and pieces as obviously it was beyond traumatizing. Sending him in an insane spiral and the infamous psychosis drawing. (Don't be afraid, google psychosis drawings. Damn. Just imagine you recovered from psychosis and laying eyes on that and not remembering you drew that..ugh...I'd cry.) Someone with Psychopathy wouldnt feel traumatized from such events, debunking the fact everyone thinks Nathan has Psychopathy. He doesn't have Psychopathy, he has psychosis. Moving on. Jefferson was certainly angry with him and drugged Nathan himself after the incident, which really helped Nathan to forget what he's done. But Jefferson's anger and not talking to him tore him apart. His emotional attachment clearly wasn't having it. The note he wrote Jefferson in desperate attempt to bring him back after ruining Jefferson plans goes to show just how much he wants that sense of being cared for. If only it was someone else that wasnt Jefferson ..or his dad can do is fucking job too.

Alcohol was certainly a great method of forgetting what he did. So then comes Chloes' interaction with him. We know the story. He did not SA her, I can say that right here and now. Nothing like that was behind this. You can tell by the way Chloe presented the story to Max. There wasn't an uncomfortable tone to her story. She didn't seem traumatized but more shocked, and "it was pretty crazy." She also wasn't drugged for that long. She woke up very soon, fully clothed. What obviously happened is that Nathan used this to feel in control like the mentioned way above. Drugs and Psychosis is no jokes. Who knows what hell is playing in his mind, but I unfortunately believe that this was to try to win back Jefferson. He had been angry at him and ignoring him, and even tho he hates drugging, his confusion and drunk state led him to this. He's cowardly, and his mind is slipping and tries to do what he thinks is right for him. He's misguided and leads down the wrong path.

Nathan did not SA Kate! Kate story breaks my heart into a million pieces, but if she was SA-ed, it wasn't Nathan. After everything I said above, you can tell that that isn't in his character. But here I want to bring up the voicemail. Nathan claims multiple times that he never wanted to hurt anybody, implying that he felt forced to do harm. Something he DID NOT want to do. Why on earth would anybody have felt forced to SA somebody!? I'm not saying Kate WASN'T SA-ed as I can only assume maybe the boys she was shown with in the video did something or Jefferson. Victoria was Kates bully!!! Nathan wanted to be liked by Victoria and was influenced by her nature. He's desperate for attention and kindness. Victoria did far more to hurt Kate and her reason as to why was shit. You go THAT FAR to one up your photography game. Girl, bye. She spread that video, and she still has empathy, too? Her regretting everything? Did she reallyy regret it? Or did she want to make herself look good for her representation? She showed regret via text message in Before The Storm, too? She doesn't have a mental illness, but the game gave her an act of forgiveness and used her as a victim so the audience would sympathize with her. Goes to show you the game controls what they want you to feel. If they were to do that with Nathan..would opinons be different? Taking us into his mind and how he sees the world around him. They could have..but didnt. Well.. We have the voicemail, but obviously, that didn't stop the haters. It's unfortunate. But the game gave me just enough little clues for me to shine light on in this post. They put so much into his character but never showed the audience the truth.

Conclusion

What we've learned today is that Nathan isn't the villain you think. He's been manipulated, used, and needs mental help, but im sure my old Nathan-defending friends have said this time and time again. Im here to add something....

It's been PROVEN that he's capable of all human emotions. You just refuse to believe it because you're mistaking his illness and claiming all of this was intentional. Psychosis can be temporary. It's like a hand that steals your common sense, feelings, empathy, and sympathy, and you're only left with acting on pure chaos and negative or fearful emotions. After long treatment, your sense of reality returns, your feelings, your empathy, your sympathy.. And all you have now is guilt and regret and self blame that you hurt somebody. If you let Nathan kill Chloe, he is arrested. He had doctors aware of his illness and would have been charged with illness in mind. Forcing the treatment he needed ages ago. By the time Lis 2 came out... I wonder how he's taking it all in? What he did to everyone, what he did to Rachel.

He was written off to die, be locked up, and blamed. Unfortunately, he was caught in the crossfires of the harm of our favorite characters. If he was born in a different family and away from Jeff, he would have never hurt anybody. Matter a fact, he would never have suffered with his listed mental illnesses.

This goes out to all real accidental murder cases. There will always be a great divide in opinions. I hate comparing fictional games with real life, but I find it crazy that we call others nonempathtic when they aren't empathic themselves. It's like the word "accidental" is worthless.

Its always a debate..

Do we feel bad for the lives lost and their families

or

Do we feel bad for the mental crumble of the one who never meant to kill and how their familes have to deal with that.

Are they worthy to walk this earth? Are they worthy to see the daylight again? Are they still human, too? Should they die, too? Is redemption possible?

Who knows. Peoples opinions won't change unless they themselves fall onto the opposing team. If they were to suffer the chaos of accidentally murdering someone or the grief of losing someone from an accidental murder.

Red Nathan, the first Nathan we all experienced from Lis1. Damaged and doomed. Used and mentally obstructed. It's unfortunate things ended this way.

Blue Nathan, Appears in Before the slStorm and Max's alternate timeline. He is clean and hasn't touched drugs. He had not been involved in crimes or violence yet. In this alternate timeline, he has been somehow saved and kept away from mental destruction and Jefferson. We will never really know what drove Nathan towards this peaceful path, but I assumed that it was the kindness of Max that led him in the right direction. (Max somehow changed Victoria, too. With her demeanor being so gentle. I really am curious about the whole back story of that timeline... I think about it alot)

[shadebloopnik]

Some really messy sketches on a small little AU with Carmilla as a Fallen Angel Warrior.

Different from the Exorcists who slaughter Sinners, and more dedicated to the actual protection of Heaven against the darker forces. The designs haven't been thought out much, but I like drawing the horns, so I thought it'd be a cool warrior hairdo, like how Exorcists wore demonic masks (I was really bored in class okay-)

Her daughters, Odette and Clara are there too. They looked pretty different even as twins, which were a bit of an oddity at the time. They were often made to dress alike, and act alike. Most viewed them as a package deal rather than taking time to understand their individuality.

Its why they're dressed so freely in hell, relishing in how different they can be whilst still having a great bond.

Her daughters are ultimately what causes her to fall. Drawing the half horn half hair down style looked a lot cooler in my head, but it was fun regardless.

Some secret regarding her daughters get found out, Heaven making her choose to either cast her daughters down or join them. Carmilla didn't hesitate.

More info on the AU/fic in the cut belowww:

I dunno if im ever gonna expand on it, but I loved the idea of making it Zestmilla. Maybe Carmilla met the old Overlord in one of her trips in hell, maybe fighting in a battle there? Or helping establish order? Anyway, she was alone when she met Zestial, and the two were quiet the enemies when they met. They fought, though didn't aim to kill, resulting in a close fight with Carmilla as victor. She wasn't an Exorcist warrior, and saw no need to immediately end this Overlord. She wasn't sent there to do mindless murder, and would like to avoid useless battles if she could. Besides, he was polite enough, and though she didn't trust him, he didn't grate on her nerves either. Zestial was quite taken with her, suspicious and quite murderous towards an angel, but liked her well enough for her wit and level headedness. Her grace and skill in battle was also admirable.

They bump into each other many more times, over the course of Carmilla's visits to hell, and with each meeting, they turn a bit more cordial, even striking an unlikely friendship, that blossoms into much more. It takes them about a hundred or so years(bc i LOVE relationships that REAAAALLLY take the time to develop and build on that trust and love) before they become romantically involved. They seem like the couple who would take it slow, being cautious and not rushing anything less it would harm the other.

And though Carmilla's trips to hell were halted, their love was not for naught as she gave birth to Clara and Odette. Her one regret was not being able to give Zestial the great news, he would've been an amazing father.

She manages to hide their identities for a good while. The two had rather angelic features, wings and all, and humanoid forms unlike their father's. The only thing that pointed to their demonic heritage were their eyes, whose sclera was the same shade of red as her iris. It was easily hidden with simple spells though. The two girls bore quite the resemblance towards her, even with some oddities, and were left fairly alone, being able to remain undetected for decades.

(I just left this post to sketch this out real quick lol, just to get the coloring in mind, not set on the design but I dont mind it.)

The peace couldn't last. After a while with Odette and Clara still being considered young as angels, their secret gets out. Maybe the spells wore off, or by a slip of the tongue, but for some reason or another it gets found out that they're half demons. They were attacked, and the daughters were stripped of their wings and sentenced to be cast down to Hell, left at the mercy of the next Extermination. Carmilla was given a chance to redeem herself and stand back, and let her "mistakes" be washed clean.

Carmilla fought back, her wingless daughters clutching to her own feathers for protection. She scooped them up, flying away to hell, less they get any more damaged. Try as she might, however, they didn't manage to escape unscathed. She plummeted into Hell; feeling the curses and painful burn of magic at her back, nipping at her form.

It was as if Heaven and Hell itself tore her apart with her descent, both pulling with reckless abandon, shaping her into what they wanted.

She couldn't even afford to lose consciousness; she had her daughters to protect after all. Both girls were weak and bleeding, their backs aching from where their wings used to be. Carmilla glanced at her own feathers, and felt her heart break. It looked just as painful as it felt. Her once sleek and razor sharp looking feathers were nearly singed beyond repair. She retracted them, less she attract more enemies with them in display.

She struggled to get up, carrying her daughters with her despite the weakness in her legs. She didn't even have her spear with her, weaponless except for the ballet slippers she'd forged herself with angelic steel. Her hair was down and unruly, all three of them covered in burns and cuts and bruises and bleeding wounds. The attack came out of nowhere. Her daughters weren't even given a chance to defend themselves.

Weaponless. It can't happen again.

She manages to drag her daughters with her, only one place she could think of approaching. Its been decades since she's been to Hell, she hopes the territories didn't change too much. She was hesitant in going to Zestial for help. After all, its been years, and she'd left without being able to say goodbye. He'd be justified in hating her, and she wouldn't hold it against him. At the least, they could hide somewhere in his territory. His lands were one of the best choices, the demons residing under his rule were fairly disciplined. In a place as dangerous as Hell, an environment that was fairly familiar to her gave some bit of comfort. Even if he didn't accept them, even if he was unaware of their existence, Carmilla was satisfied with simply a place to rest.

She needed not worry though. As soon as Zestial heard the slightest news about strangers in his territory, he rushed to meet them himself. He noticed the large crash just some hours before night fell, and couldn't help the spark of hope. He was greeted by the sight of a few dead bodies, 1 or 2 who thought they could get lucky taking advantage of a weakened opponent. He arrived just in time to see a third fall, bloodied heels clicking on the ground below. The figure stood tall, though was clearly tired and heaving deep breaths. He barely noticed the two smaller figures in the distance, his gaze focused solely upon the lone woman, whose silver hair was still so beautiful even with all the dirt and blood matting it. He stepped closer, the sound of it causing the woman to turn and-

It didn't matter how dark it was. It didn't matter how her sclera was now the same shade of red as her iris were, as if it were inverted. He'd recognize her anywhere.

Without caring that he'd get stabbed himself, he rushed to pull her in a tight embrace, feeling her freeze beneath his arms. He buried his face in her hair, nuzzling it even with the blood and dirt, afraid as though she'd disappear if he ever let go.

He felt her large hands wrap around him and for the first time since his existence in Hell, he felt as if he could cry. This was real. This wasn't a figment of his imagination, nor a result of insanity. She was here. After all these years she came back to him. He couldn't be happier.

He immediately takes her and the two girls back to his residence, letting them clean up and helping patch their wounds. When he found out the two were his daughters, he felt as if- yea no, he was crying, this wasn't just a feeling, he couldn't stop the tears from streaming down as he hugged the two as firmly as he could without aggravating their wounds. He felt so angry for them, enraged that heaven could deal out such punishments for something the girls couldn't control.

He took them all in, preparing rooms for everyone. He prepared one for Carmilla too, not wanting to push his luck. It has been years after all, and he didn't want to force himself onto her should she decide she didn't reciprocate anymore. In the end, they all slept in the same room. Carmilla wanted to be with Zestial, feeling safer with someone else in the room to stand guard, and her daughters crawled back to her, far too afraid to sleep in such a new place alone after everything that happened.

So they all snuggled in the same large bed, Zestial keeping a respectful distance from the young girls as to not frighten them, all the while letting his webbed cloak wrap around Carmilla in comfort.

Carmilla fell asleep last, her thoughts running wild. It was all so much, but right now, here with her daughters in her arms and under Zestial's embrace, she felt at peace for the first time in a long while.

Glancing at the mirror across the room, she hummed at the changes in her eyes. The only thing she could think of was how was that she finally matched her daughters. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, she'd think, drifting off into sleep.

[koolkitty9]

LET ME FINALLY GIVE MY THOUGHTS ON THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE. Hi I am obsessed with this scene for absolutely no reason. I have MANY THOUGHTS on it and I want to share my analysis on this entire minute scene. It has been almost EIGHT YEARS NOW since it aired (Sorry some of this got formatted weird by Tumblr hhhhh)

Right here, you can see the moment where Yumoto's heart just drops into his stomach and he realizes he MAY actually lose for the first time ever as a Battle Lover (Which would be A VERY INTERESTING THING to see!)

Now why do they show him in the past? It shows that this is a REAL fear of his, losing Gora is such a big deal to him. This MAY have happened before at home but as a child, this scene takes place during the events we saw with the tiny Beppu bros in ep 10. Where he was left alone

Starting off with this, WHERE is this coming from? Well, Sailor Moon S1Ep1, we see Usagi having an attack JUST like this, and it is a defensive attack, which I believe Yumoto's own attack was based on. Wombat MUST have known about this, I believe he NEVER thought it would occur

The others are confused at this new power (Power #5 for Yumoto in s2) meanwhile, the twins are horrified/even MORE angry at him. Aki tells Haru to not falter and Haru tries to shoot Yumoto in the chest to stop/fatally injure him at this point

Atsushi mentions Yumoto has stronger emotions compared to the VEPPer (He shames them btw), we learn in the OVA, Yumoto's powers are loved based, we DO get hints of in ep9 when Yumoto performs his Love Sprinkle attack. En notes that the twins underestimated how strong Yumoto is

To me, this is just a VERY extreme panic attack but since his powers are with love, it is amplified due to his love for Gora. Kinshiro notes that both past and current Yumoto are merging. I HC that Yumoto was always destined to become Scarlet, so this moment has taken him back to the time when he was a child and this has somehow made itself known in the universe. This could be a result from the alien technology (or could just be nothing and Im looking too deep into a single line)

Everyone isn't sure WHAT is going on, Ryuu tells him to get a grip after he learns Yumoto is "Losing himself to fear" and tries to touch him. As we see when Haru tried to hit Yumoto, this power is actively protecting Yumoto while doing damage to anyone who tries to hurt him. I actually find this to be SUPER interesting

It's more interesting when he calms down after the twins realize how strong he is, I believe this is his true anger over the entire situation. By this point Yumoto is sick of it, he has been fighting these two for so long over his own brother. He has almost been killed and now He's ready to do the same to them. When the boys all come running to stop Yumoto, they all have different expressions (Can't see Io's :(( ) The twins though, are horrified as they know if they get hit, THEY ARE DONE FOR! (It's finEEEE)

En's first thought is to grab Yumoto to try to calm him down somewhat by grounding him back to reality

Atsushi (just like a mom as Yumoto says about him) gently grabs Yumoto's face and tries to get him to look at him, while also shielding him from either himself or another attack from the twins. You can actually see him and Io pulling Yumoto closer to them

Ryuu and Wombat don't add much, BUT Ryuu does actually support Yumoto's head when they all fall onto the ground. Which Yumoto's head SHOULD be in Ryuu's lap (In theory).

As for the dark place? Yumoto probably experienced a severe form of tunnel vision along with the influence of his powers. IMO, He was so overwhelmed with the thought of losing his only family forever that he forgot about his found family as well.

adding to how Yumoto is being held, Ryuu seems to have Yumoto's forearms pinned, Io has his arms around Yumoto's chest, and En and Atsushi I CAN'T really see where they're grabbing at but it but it does show you even with their strength it takes all four of them to subdue Yumoto

And uhhh I think that's it really for this scene...for now... Once Yumoto remembers how he's loved by his friends and he's not alone, he transforms into his highest form to date :)))) also these frames of him are pretty lol this scene had a lot of gorgeous frames OKAY BYE!

I WANTED TO ADD MORE PICS BUT RAN OUTTA SPACE

I didnt fit ALL I wanted to talk about but ANOTHER TIME! OKAY BYE FOR REALSIES

[tears-grow-gardens]

TW- ed rant

This is my first ever tumblr post. Normally I'm just a wall flower, sitting quietly in the tumblr corner reading other peoples posts and thoughts hoping to feel less alone in my own mind. I'm not even sure what I want to say but for the past 4 years I have struggled with my eating, some days are really bad and other days it's just like an itch, like I know all the rules, fear and guilt that has stained me but I feel stronger not to let it win. 2-3 years ago I was at my worst, I was in my 3rd year of University, I had lost all hope and drive in my life and I let everything crumble through my fingers, I was failing classes, isolating from everyone, loosing sight of my dreams and what mattered to me. I don't know who was holding the wheel to my life but I felt I had lost control with all of it. I didn't know how to change or help myself, I was so tired of always feeling like a failure to myself and everyone around me. I had been dealing with depression and anxiety for so long and serious case of undiagnosed ADHD and all these feeling felt so permanent, like they would never go away, so I turned to something I felt I could control, which was food. There was nothing I hated more in the world than myself, my body, my face, the way that I believed people saw me. I hated every inch of who I was. I thought that if i could control what went in i would get the results I've always wanted and maybe even get to like the way I look. And the results came, it felt so good to be able to get something right, like for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a complete failure. The feeling of hunger gave me power, how I didn't have to say words to people that I was hurting inside because they could see it from the outside. Wake up, look in the mirror, walk, workout, coffee, walk, coffee, porridge, starve, walk, mirror, bed. This was my life but fortunately or unfortunately I was sniffed out like a rat from one of my house mates who confronted me, it felt like I was standing there naked and exposed with all my secrets written on my skin. After that I felt I had to change, I felt watched and analysed with every move I made. My weight goals put into a box, I tried to make amends with my body and mind but from the years to follow the voices never left my head. Sometimes the voices are merely a whisper and other days the voices are so loud it feels like everyone else can hear them too. Now here I am on tumblr 4 years later writing to say I have relapsed, not that I think I ever recovered but more I was idle with temptation to destroy myself and now I'm back, born again to hack my body to pieces. Ive found myself almost everyday purging in the bathroom, even if its been a normal, healthy meal. I just want to crawl out of my skin and shrink into nothing. I don't want to die and I don't want to live like this but i feel years of rage within me of unnoticed pain that I want to scream to the world and let them know. I have dreams and I want them to exist one day as true but I don't know how I'll ever rid myself of these dark paralysing thoughts. I'm so tired of feeling unloved and lonely, in my 22 years of life I have never known what it is or what it feels like when someone choses to love you. Im so convinced by my own hatred for myself that I believe everyone else sees me the way I do. The toxic thing is, is that I want this for myself, I want the hunger in sanctuary of starving, I want to feel small and fragile and i want people to worry, i want them to say "she's lost weight", while they ponder on how hurt I must be to have lost myself this far.

Anyway enough for one day. idk if anyone reads these long word vomit tumblr posts but thank you if you've read this far and welcome to my fkd up mind.

[lemongogo]

have u evr thoight abt livio and vash together (not romantically like in a found family way) post trimax bc i think about it a Lot

evvery day of my goddamn life . i think about them.every second of eveyr minute. LIKE ALL THE TIMEEE !! THEY ARE SOOO SPECIAL TO MEE

anyone whos been following me for a while knows i LOVEEEE imperfect , tense relationships . be them familial, romantic , platonic , etc . i love when two people have to work around each other and come to a common understanding . i like when their experiences are so wholly different that it bleeds into who they are and how they navigate the world . i like when the communication is faulty at best , messy . unpracticed . post-trimax and even post wolfwood death livio + vash consumes me @ my core . its been a while since ive read the manga so im probably very incorrect at reading their dynamics and have instead substituted it for my own fanon, but i like viewing their relationship to one another as something (initially) strained and (initially) distanced. you have these two people , effectively strangers to one another, bound by a common person who is no longer there. who ultimately understand the direction theyre headed in and whats required of them, but feeling so out of place by either their own internal struggles or by the pressure of the world around them . livio deals with the turmoil of what his and razlo’s involvement in nicholas’ death means . vash is left to bury his friend alone and spend the coming days alongside the man who’d killed him. and yet, vash, due to the nature of his cause and love for humanity, forgives him. cooks for him. and livio and razlo learn to let themselves be forgiven. to grow from past traumas and feel deserving of good things. its not an easy path for either of them, but they do it. for themselves, for each other, for meryl, millie, for chronica and her sisters, for humans ^__^! for nicholas!!! and its soo .. GOOD.. ITS SOO HEARTY TO MEE .. the way that vash and livio so openly struggle in the chapters following ch.65, but ultimately learn to come to terms with the idea of loss, of responsibility, love, community, etc. I KNOW U R TALKING ABT POST TRIMAX HELP MEE but i like how trigun so succinctly sets up this foundation for them to beee .. close in the way i’d like to imagine. i just lovee .. the bond they wld share in having both loved / cared for nicholas . and how that gave them resolvee !! how that gave them cause for action . motivation or determination if u will. they r so bound by loss and so inextricably changed by it that when i think of them post-trimax, i think of them like two wilted weeds that have grown thru the sidewalk crack , together . they are damaged , incomplete . unsure of so many tjings , but they r ……. MY GODDDDDDD !!!sry its like . man . MANN… kiryu gif of him punching the table . MAKE ME CRAZYYYYY . in a post trimax world , they are so emotionally linked . TO MEE .. IN MY LITTLE WORLD .. they mean more to each other than words can describe . and pains me in a sense to know that .. there will be a time where livio, razlo, and vash know each other more than they ever had the chance of knowing nicholas. and i think that so bittersweet . and special. I LOVEE IT . they give me very like .. silent affirmation , comfort through physical presence kind of warmth . like they dont have to say anything to know what they mean to each other and thats ok ^__^!

my favorite & i mean FAVORITEEEE PAGE!!! is the one in which they talk atop the building before their final battle and share their sorrows indirectly. LIKE THTS SOMETHIG AB THEM THAT DRIVES ME CRAZYYY!! the fact that both of them cannot refer to nicholas by name . its He. Him. That event , you know the One . they recognize parts of themselves in each other

LIKE I KEEP THIS SC ON MEEE . ALL THE TJME BC I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IVE PROBABLY POSTED IT A MILLION TIMES BY NOWW

“when you are linked by something so strong in your hearts, it doesnt need to be said anymore” U R FUCKIG KIDDDING MEEEEEEEE . i lvoe thm godd . T___T

[bluegalaxygirl]

Ghost ship (Zosan X reader)

Plot: One day while out at sea a strange fog rolls in form out of nowhere almost making them crash into a torn up ship.

warning: Violence, strong language, blood and skeleton's.

Zoro x Sanji X Reader, poly relationship, established relationship, reader is GN

"Guy's hurry" Nami's voice yells out as every member of the crew rushed around the deck of the sunny hoisting the sails, tying ropes and forcing the ship in different directions. You could hardly see a hand in front of your face form the sudden fog that rolled in covering the sunny in a matter of seconds. The warm air turned into a cold wind and the only light you could see came from the lights on the ship "TURN Left" Nami yelled out spotting another ship that was floating in the water, It wasn't moving, most of its masts broken and fabric torn to shreds. Franky turned the wheel of the ship as fast and as hard as he could to avoid the stationary vessel Luffy and Robin using their devil fruit powers to stop the sunny form getting damaged. Finally, getting the Sail fabric tied up your ship slowed down coming to a stop alongside the beaten up vessel which in your opinion shouldn't even be above water, the wood was rotting away and there were so many holes that it amazed you how water wasn't taking over the ship. The fog seemed to clear a bit now that you were all next to it but it felt a lot colder.

"Hay is anyone alive over there?" Luffy yelled Nami jumping on him and covering his mouth "Shut up. we don't know who did this" she whispers angry at her captain for being so reckless. "Its very old... i dont think anyone would be alive" Robin steps closer to Nami and Luffy looking over the ship. Your captain manages to pry Nami's hand off his mouth and giver her a pout. "It shouldn't be floating. oh! no what if it's a ghost ship" Usopp yells freezing up along with chopper. "Calm down" you sigh patting usopp's back "So Nami, what do we do?" you ask turning your attention to the navigator who lets go of Luffy and crosses her arms over her chest "We can't keep going until this fog lets up, so we'll have to stay put for now... also if this ship is old maybe there's something valuable on it" Her eyes glimmer in anticipation making you and Robin giggle at her "You want to go on there?" The sniper yells pointing at the ship "Well you can leave me out of it" he huffs earning a laugh from Luffy "I'd like to look around too" Robin nods placing her finger on her chin thinking about all the history she could find on an old ship. "Yea lets go" Luffy yells out hopping off the sunny and landing on the damaged ship.

It was easy to pick out who went and who didn't you, Nami and Robin wanted to go really bad while Usopp, Chopper, Brook and Franky refused for their own reasons. "I'll come with you, here love take my coat" Sanji smiles giving you one of his warm coats helping you put it on placing a small kiss on your cheek "Don't get into too much trouble" Zoro smiles walking over to you two "Your not coming?" You ask surprised but the sword mans yawn told you all you needed to know, he was woken up form his nap to deal with all of this. "Don't catch a cold" Sanji smiles walking with you, Nami and Robin to the broken ship. Since the ship was on the same level as the sunny Franky set up a small bridge so you could all easily cross Giving you and Robin a lantern before you cross. The waves were smooth so there wasn't much shakiness "Luffy, where are you?" Nami calls out looking along the deck not seeing her captain "Great" she sighs not getting an answer "Im sure he's fine" Robin smiles starting to look around the ship being careful where she stepped as the wood planks bellow her creaked.

Sanji helped you down form the bridge, it till amazed you how this ship was still standing "Im going to head into the captains room" Robin nods walking off "You shouldn't go alone" Nami yells wanting to follow but doesn't "Sanji, why don't you go with her and I'll go with Nami. i'm interested in what's bellow deck" You suggest making the cook look down at you with concern, he didn't want to leave you but he also didn't want Robin to go off on her own. Placing a hand on his shoulder and kiss on his cheek you gave him a reassuring smile telling him without words that you would be fine. Sanji nods kissing your lips before following after Robin yelling at her to wait up. "So bellow deck?" Nami asks looking a little more scared now that she's on the ghost ship "Don't worry I'll protect you" you laugh starting to walk to the steps leading down under the deck "I-I don't need your protection" The navigator yells running behind you and grabbing your coat belt to stay close hoping you don't notice.

Bellow deck was very dark and even with the lantern in your hand it was hard to see. Nami stayed close looking around as you both walked holding the lantern as far out in front of you as you could. The sight before you surprised you, at first you thought this was a cargo ship but under the deck was a large stage and dance floor with tables and chairs all over the place, damaged paintings lined the walls and several doors were either blocked by tables or where torn apart. Walking further in you spotted candles lining the room so you walked over a lite one only for all the other candles in the room to light up as well, Nami jumped at the sigh wrapping her arms around your waist. You let out a giggle as Nami glares at you "Im not scared" she whispers mainly to herself before pulling away form you "These paintings aren't worth anything" she sighs looking around the beaten and broken room trying to find anything of value, you join her in scanning the room spotting something shiny in one of the rooms "What's that?" you ask catching Nami's attention turning to see what your looking at, her eyes light up and a smile appears on her face making her way over with you following behind.

The broken wooden door swung open raveling a long hallway with several corpses lining the hall way, both you and nami froze at the sight, these body's were fresh unlike the ship that they were standing on, the shiny metal came form one of the men's coats, a very old silver medal that looks like it came form one of the great wars but how is that possible. Nami bent down and placed her hand on the medal only for the man to gasp wide-eyed and grab her hand causing both of you to scream out in terror. The man gasps for air looking up at Nami and you try to speak, Nami pulls away her hand slipping away from the old injured man. You take the coat off of you and place it on the man's chest thats bleeding badly "Nami, Get chopper now" you yell trying to snap the navigator out of her fear "W-What? oh! ok" Nami nods running off almost bumping into Sanji and Robin who came running down the stairs "Nami-swan what's wrong?" Sanji asks seeing her running past them "we need chopper" Her voice calls out heading up to the deck and over to the bridge.

"It's ok. we're here to help" you sooth the man the fear in his eyes fading away to hope "Y/n" Sanji's voice appears behind you spotting you on the floor holding his coat to the mans chest "oh no" Robin gasps looking down the hallway "Check for survivors" you order, the two nodding and going past you down the hall checking the people. "P-Pirate's" the man bellow you croaks out. "Is that who did this to you?" you ask earning a nod from him, giving him a sad look you took his hand in yours as a sign of comfort. Chopper comes running up, medical bag in hand to help. Seeing the man against the wall doctor Chopper gets to work helping you stop the bleeding and giving the man some pain killers. "Chopper" Luffy's voice yells out form behind you running down form one of the other hallways carrying a guy who's bleeding. "Luffy, there you are" you yell back as Luffy stops in the door way looking over the guy you and chopper is helping out "What happened here?" he asks a spike of anger seeps through his words. "Other Pirate's" at your words the captains grip tightens on the man in his arms.

An hour later your crew only managed to find two more survivors taking them all onto the sunny and into Chopper's medical room fixing them up and letting them rest while the rest of you joins Luffy on the deck who was sulking on the ground as Robin explained what she had found out. The damaged ship was attacked by pirates centuries ago, It was taking solders and their families back home after one of the great wars but pirates attacked and killed everyone before the navy showed up and blew up both ships. "So how did those people end up in there?" Zoro asks confused his arm around your shoulder holding you close. Robin to shrugs as Usopp and brook cower "S-so it really is a g-ghost ship" they both stutter clinging to each other "Will you two stops that and Brook why are you scared your a skeleton" Nami yells pointing at the two of them making them cling to each other more making the rest of the crew laugh. A strong cold breeze blows thru catching you all off guard the thick fog from around both ships closing in, Zoro pulls you closer his warm body stopping you form feeling too much of the chill while Sanji takes a step behind Zoro feeling a large chill run down his body." What?" you asks only to hear a loud bang as the door to the doctor's office slams open and a man fly's out hitting his back against the railing. In shock, you watch as the man Luffy saved looking worse than before stand up ripped cloth and almost gray skin, he didn't look like a man anymore more like a corpse.

"Chopper" Zoro yells leaving you with sanji and runs up the stairs as chopper comes out in arm point form kicking the guy again as he lunges at him. Luffy runs after Zoro ready to fight only to get kicked back by a large man who lands on the ship's deck with a thud. A very disheveled looking corpse stood there in old pirate attire one arm and one leg complacently bone the joints being held together by fog. Around the ship other's smaller but of the same look jumped onto the ship bearing their weapons "All must die" The corpse you assume to be the captain spoke in a very deep but brittle voice. Starting to fight alongside your crew, Zoro and Chopper kept the wounded people inside the doctor's office safe stopping the corpse's form trying to get in but no matter how much Zoro cut the limbs came back and attacked themselves back. Sanji joined you to help fight as the large captain went after Luffy the two throwing punches at each other. Luffy managed to kick the captains head off only for it to fly back to the body being carried by the mist and reattach itself. You didn't know what was going on and how this was happening but asking questions at a time like this wasn't a good idea.

One of the corpse's got a good hit on you sending you flying onto the ground. Sanji growled under his breath and kicked the corpse off the ship hearing a splash as it hit the water. "Are you ok love?" The cook asks running over and helping you to your feet looking you over for any injuries "Im fine don't worry" you nod before going back to fighting the undead corpse's. Everyone could see Luffy getting frustrated and his yells of anger weren't helping the situation "Anyone have any ideas?" Usopp yells out trying to avoid a sword being swung at him "Nami could you do something about the fog?" Robin asks using her devil fruit powers to restrain some corpse while Franky watches her back. The navigator sends a corpse flying off the ship with her staff before thinking "Maybe but i'm going to see your help usopp" she yells finally getting an idea. "Everyone protect Nami and Usopp" Luffy yells out running at the captain and punching him into the wall. "But what about the injured?" Chopper yells not wanting to leave the people in the medical bay alone. Luffy thinks for a moment before jumping up to join Zoro and Chopper "Go and protect Nami and Robin, I'll take care of these guys" The captain smiles the two nodding and running down to the main areas.

Getting distracted by the corpse in front of you, you didn't realize there was one coming up behind you raising its blade and slashing down, the sound of metal hitting metal made you jump at little but kicked the corpse in front of you away before turning to see Zoro blocking the corpses bad with his own sword before cutting the thing in half "Watch yourself" The swords man yells at you making you smile but focuses on the thing in front of you "I know you've got my back babe" you giggle as he angrily grumbles at you. It didn't take too long for Nami and Usopp to set up Nami's staff and some devices as the rest of the crew made sure nothing got to them. "Firing in 3" Usopp yells warning everyone, in the corner of your eye you see the corpse captain getting back up standing to his feet "He's up" you yell out as the captain runs at Nami and Usopp who have begun counting down.

You run at the captain practically body slamming it away from your two friends and sending it crashing into the railing of the ship. It tries to get back up only for Zoro to cut its legs off and Sanji to light his leg on fire jumping over Zoro to kick the captain off the ship and into the water. A large bolt of lightning shoots out form Nami's staff as the two hold it down stopping it from moving with the force of the lighting. Hitting the thick fog light crackles around and into the fog making it grow thinner and thinner, the corpse screaming out in pain dropping their weapons as they turn to dust, the light wind blowing their ashes into the sea. "YEA" Franky, Nami, Usopp and Luffy yell out cheering at the victory. You laugh feeling relief that its all finally over as arms pull you in for a hug "That was amazing my love. You protected Nami so well" Sanji smiles holding you close "Hay what about me?" Usopp yells feeling left out but ended up being pulled away by Luffy who wants to talk about the fight. "Are you two ok?" Zoro asks walking overlooking you two up and down for injuries "Yea. were fine" You smile pulling him in to join you two in a hug "You guys were amazing. i love watching you fight" with one arm around each boy you lean up and share a kiss them. Its rare when you three do this sharking a kiss at the same time, all three lips meeting at once but thats what makes it special.

"Excuse us. i'm so sorry to interrupt" A male voice speaks out everyone turning to see three people at the top of the steps. The once injured people with old torn blood covered cloths now looked completely fine. No wounds, perfect outfits and a dull light surrounding them "Your all better. How?" Chopper runs over watching as the three make their way down the stairs "We've been trapped in a loop for so long, reliving our last moments over and over again but thanks to you all were finally free" The man you now recognize as the guy you helped spoke, In army cloths and the medal hanging form his jacket. "Thank you all" the three bow leaving the crew stunned as they slowly disappear the ship next to the sunny fading alongside them and soon there was nothing left "Wait at least give us something as a thanks" Nami yelled being held back by Usopp. Letting out a giggle your glad its finally over "Well now i can have my nap" Zoro yawned catching your attention "I think i might need one too. Mind if i join?" you ask feeling his hand grip your hip as he leans in "Always" your lips connect with his as your hand runs up into his hair "Want to join us, Cook?" Zoro asks braking away form the kiss to look up at Sanji, the poor cook didn't even get to answer as your Captain yelled out for food. "I wish i could" Sanji sighs kissing you both before going off to the kitchen being followed by Luffy.

[dylansslutt]

judas kiss / t.s

part three of dishonest (mini series)

 authors note// hi thank you so much for your feedbacks, if i have anything unfinished yall really want another part too please lmk bc i literally have lots of ask/request or even things ive started up & forgot ab or have in my drafts. butt i am going through and finishing out some stuff, i just took a vacation and rlly needed some me time... BUT IM BACK BITCHES!!!

   also... holy shit a thousand something followers!!!! thank you guys seeing the endless love and support of my writings has boosted me into starting my own book series ... but thats for another spill. thank you again for following me on my journey of my shitty writings to my development.

i got this tip thing working, i do work full time & go to school so any tips are welcomed and appreciated but either way ty all.

anywhore here is the third part/ im thinking final part as well. let your imagination think of the end... unless too many of yall want more.

 tag list: @allie131313​ @casa-boiardi​

summary: lying about your identity, leads you face to face with the one and only thomas shelby. as chaos unravels much more surfaces as well.

  staring in the mirror, feeling the old, yet the familiar feeling of a silk night gown cascading down your body. remembering the time lasted only for a mere few years. years you weren’t happy. the bruises were faded mainly, except the slight pain in your ribs still.

 taking small pain killers help.

 the day has left you tired leaving the rest of the clothing in the corner of the room. laughing almost as you take in the fact; he really did get you some new clothes. as well as being kind of enough to grab some of your own from your apartment.

 which you were notified was absolutely trashed, yet hidden away you found a picture. one of you, your mum and sister. so young... so innocent. the memories of everything was building up.

 the gown fit you nicely though, the cloth was soft and comfortable. something you almost forgot what felt like, since being alone on the run . glancing over at the clock noticing it was getting late. 

biting your lip softly, things mule over in your head. how thomas was and if maybe, just maybe you two met under a different circumstance. hell even just a re-do of your meetings.

 ignoring it as your hair gets tucked behind your ear. deciding to leave this room and not be cooped up.

 as you step out, your eyes flicker down the hall. movements halting as your mind comes more clear. he was right there in that room.

 the room you’ve seen him enter a mere few times. the light flickers through the crack of the door. it was there. right in front of you. 

 hand never leaving the door knob, biting your lip in deep thought. happy he got you your clothes from home, as well as a few new items. must’ve gotten help from a lady because there’s no way he chose these alonesome. 

 shaking these thoughts your feet spring into action. hand beside you now as your focus was on where he was. fist raising to knock on the ajar door. it swings open wider, creaking slightly as thomas sets some papers down. 

 smoke still in hand as his eyes lift to yours, exhaling the smoke from his lips. he lifts it back up, inhaling again taking in the sight of you. in more different clothing than anything he has seen before. work uniform, one little outfit, and his clothing. you looked good, stunning in a way.

 he was as he usually was, expect a bit more exposed.

 the anger still present when your wounds become more visible, thankfully more faint now. he’s already sent john to deal with that particular matter, but now he had to deal with some stuff tonight.

 “got to look at the stuff, thank you.” giving him a small smiling, trying to make this attempt for a better start forward. needing time to plan future things as your mind hasn’t had a hint of peace.

 he nods licking his lips, ashing in the tray.

 “can’t have you walking around naked, can we?”

  the joke brought a smile small to your lips, as your head thinks about the picture. unaware if he knew it was there or if someone else did the work. his focus is back on the papers making you step in. taking in this private study he enchants himself too; felt like him.

 biting your lip softly, the sight of him before you has your mind in another place. he looks like something you saw only moments before. a mirror image of yourself. less battered and bruised on the outside though, yet he was tired. his eyes red, the bottle out in the open. he was more open, more vulnerable.

 “y/n?”

 you shake your head, a blush crosses your cheeks. “sorry. what ya’ say?” 

he holds back his emotion, but his attention is now yours. “i’ve gotta meeting tonight, tomorrow some more to do. until then just stay here, out of harms way for the love of god.”

 he stands up and stares at you. your lip ends up between your teeth, feeling a bit nervous. he didn’t sound so serious so fierce, he sounds exhausted. as you were to even fight back, which he noticed.

 “if you are up by the time i get home, we should talk.” your eyes narrow at his words, nodding slightly. hands coming up to brush your hair back once more.

 “just knock on my door when you get back, thomas.” 

 with that you open the cracked door wider, rushing out of the room. everything felt too tense too unsettling in there. only when his footsteps become noticeable, you realize he was following you.

 heart racing as you reach halfway down the hall, nearing the stairs. for a moment, your eyes flicker to the front door. 

 the thought crosses your mind. ignoring it as you continue to ‘your’ room desperate that he isn’t actually following. that he would walk himself down those stairs instead.

 as you reach the door his presence was there, the defeat leaves you. turning around to face him. his face was inches from yours. something deep in his eyes as he pushes the door open.

 “thomas?”

 the door closes behind you as he is now only standing in front of you, a heave in his chest almost. “their dead, alright? the men from that night, their gone.”

 your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “wh-why are ya’ tellin’ me this?” he comes forward cupping your cheek. the look in his eye is something you’ve seen before. loss.

 staying still in his embrace, “i-i don’t want ya’ scared of me... for some fuckin’ reason.”

 the confession made your mouth shut completely. “i don’t want ya’ scared at all.”  it didn’t feel exactly true but it what was easiest for him to say. 

that was until he pulls you onto his lips. hands landing on his chest, mouth moving with his out of instinct. pulling away as you push him back slightly. staring into the eyes of a loss man, knowing this could end terribly. 

your chest rises and falls quickly, “i- told ya-”

 “tell me to stop then, y/n.” the deep stare between you two leaves something rattling inside of you. 

 “i-i get your past. i know mines fucked, but i-...” you trail off biting the inside of your cheek for a moment. the internal debate ends with him pushing forward.

 lips on his he pulls you close, your hands around his neck as you both fall back on the bed straddling him. his hands push against your back, deepening the kiss. the hold on you wasn’t harsh, just tight possessive like. as if you were to disappear at any moment.

 pulling away for air, his lips trail from your cheek to your neck. the giggle escapes your lips involuntarily, and for a moment thomas sighs. not of boredom and displeasure but of relief.

 it made your heart swirl because you felt it too. the non-serious feeling of this. even though it wouldn’t last, it felt real for the moment.

 his hand slips down from your waist onto your thighs. eyes flickering back up at you. your hands tug at his shirt, him taking the hint to remove it. the bare chest was there and now you could really look at it.

“thomas.”

 his hand grips the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss. he flips you over and he holds himself up against you. your back against the bed, other hand trailing between your thighs, you just as desperate for his touch.

 he lifts the gown up slowly, teasing you with his touch. his head drops into the crane of your neck, kissing it softly before tugging your panties down softly. a soft gasp escapes you and he whispers something in your ear.

 “so fuckin’ beautiful.”

 your eyes roll back as he swirls your clit, the sensation incredible. “fuck.”

 “taste good too.”

 he enters a finger before he slowly moves his body down. his motion was slow and you whine when he leaves you. looking down seeing him between your thighs now, inches from you. his eyes flicker up, the blue prominent.

“impatient ay’?” your hand flies into his hair. trying to ignore the urge to roll your eyes,

“did ya’ forget that already?”

 without another word his tongue swirls around you, a soft moan leaves you. he continues but slowly adding a finger. your calves press into his shoulders more, leaving his tongue to move slightly faster.

 “oh th-” he slides another finger in making your words cut short, back arching off the bed slightly. giving him access to push your gown up above your breast. his hand comes back down around your thighs, feeling them shake around him.

 unable to take it anymore your hand pushes at his head, but he holds it down instead. speeding up as your stomach drops, a moan leaving your throat. liquid coats his fingers and tongue as he stands up completely.

 “do ya’ love anyone y/n?” the question caught you off guard. your breathing uneven coming down from your high; his pants drop and your body felt even more turned on.

 “never really had a chance to experience love. probably doesn’t exist.” you confess the mere summary as you spread your shaky legs. his grip on them tightens, moving you closer to him.

 he stares down at you in a way that you truly didn’t understand. “i like ya’, ms.solomons.” he confesses as he spits down on you. the action so dirty, but the confession so clean.

 “just y/n, thomas.” the intent was known and he kisses your knee before moving. the feeling of him entering you slowly, made you grip his arm that held your waist. 

 “i sometimes-” you stutter out as he rocks against you slowly, fighting to keep your eyes open.

 “i sometimes like to believe it could be true.”

 he leans forward, the angle deeper than before as he kisses you deeply. his free hand coming to cup your jaw. his hips pick up speed leaving you a moaning mess in his mouth.

 he was gentle, taking in what you reacted too. this wasn’t your first time but he felt as if you were innocent in a way. your eyes flicker up to him before you tug your dress over your head.

 leaving you both completely exposed, “it’s true.” he confesses pulling away, turning holding you up against him as he lays down. your knees against the bed as he bucks up into him.

 “ya’ crazy mr.shelby.” he pushes your hips down even more leading to the familiar feeling arise again. your nails sink in his shoulder, biting your lip clinging to him.

 “say’s the one who’s dead.” you try to get a witty remark out but your orgasm spreads, feeling yourself starting to clench.

 “yet ya’ look so fucking alive around me.” the wetness spreads down your thighs as he doesn’t let you go. “m-maybe i feel alive- with ya’.” the deep moan leaves you, the feeling of your bare chest touching had you in a whirl.

 he’s buried deep in you as you cling to him, almost in tears overstimulated. you beg him. “tho-thomas. i-”

“so fuckin’ good.” his his shake slightly, as he leans back staring into your eyes. “do you trust me?” at how you were feeling you’d trust anything. your eyes flutter but you nod.

  he stutters into you as his releases inside you making your eyes widen. pulling back panting as his eyes connect with yours. two different looks.

 “wh-what did you do?”

 “do ya’ trust me?” the logic in the room was clearly not there because without a second thought you nod again. he kisses you softly, “be mine. stay alive and i promise ya’ everything you could need.”

 you pull yourself out of him, wincing at the feeling. your eyes stare into his, as the covers surround you,

“but you don’t love me.” 

 his eyes drop slightly, “i can see somethin’ in you. i need someone like ya’, think of this as something good.” you feel so exposed staring at him in disgust. “ya’-ya’ just came in me, who knows if i’ll get pregnant! thi-this is not gonna end well. what the fuck were ya’ thinking?”

 “what the fuck was i thinkin’? oh my go-”

 he sits up, “i’m thinking fuckin’ smart! ya’ know this shit, i am rising y/n, i need a wife and i need someone who can be that wife.” you stare at him and stop for a moment. it cut off your overthinking for a moment.

 it wouldn’t be real but it could be. yet either way you could be safe... you could be free of being on the run. you could be alive.

 “i need to think on it? i-i can have your answer tonight.” your words tremble slightly as you slip your gown on, facing away from him. “hey.” his hand lands on your shoulder. 

your flinch makes him wince, scooting closer to you. covered up with the sheets. “i haven’t asked just anyone this question. this is fuckin’ insane but i-i do like ya’. we can figure this shit out because you know it’s true.”

 “you need me just as much as i need you.” you mutter as a  small smile appears on your lips, “i need a shower for a fact and nap thomas. you have somewhere to be, should get going.”

 his hand leaves yours taking your hint, “i’ll knock on your door tonight. get some rest.”

after he redresses and the door closes behind him, the tears stream down your cheeks. you wanted him but you were so scared and conflicted.

 your answer was yes from the moment you realize he was as stubborn as you but you were now a ghost.

-

 you were laid down, the candles still lit allowing thomas to see your image. he walks closer but you were barely asleep. he sits down beside you and sighs heavily.

 he doesn’t know you’ve woken up, and his energy was strong. you figured thomas shelby out and for a man to keep you around long enough...

 you knew from the beginning you liked this man, but being ‘dead’ has made you believe any. any of that type of thing was impossible. slowly you turn over, facing the man who stares ahead.

 “eric is tryin’ to be a political man. if ya’ know alfie, imagine a sickenin’ no good bastard times a billion.... as him.” the words made thomas sit a bit straighter. you felt vulnerable now, half asleep tucked into a new home.

 you had to give a answer.

 “i’ve looked him up, he isn’t much and from what i’ve heard. alfie really doesn’t give two fucks for him.” the way he settles his sentence lets you know that eric is no threat. to you or himself in any aspect.

 “charlie’s mother, i-i won’t ask you to speak of her.” you sit up now, thomas takes in your sleepy appearance. “if i take on that boy as my own. i will love and teach him as my own, but you have to tell me about her so he can know his true mother.”

 your eyes swell up slightly. “she won’t be forgotten in your mind ever, i know that. so let me learn, let me be there for you so i don’t go crazy. so i-i can do better...”

 the words hit thomas and he only shifts to maintain his composure. you don’t notice since your emotional more so, but he knows he did right choosing you.

 “i have a story, everything about how to make you ‘undead’ since your job at it wasn’t the best.” that made your eyes look up at him.  “i know ya’ can’t be her, but i do have some’ towards you.” 

his hand reaches out to cup your face. “she wanted some of the stuff you did as well...”

 the deep stare was all that was needed, you let this moment last. he was gone when he lost her. loosing her was loosing apart of himself. you accepted it because you truly knew love was not meant for you in this lifetime.

 slowly breaking the moment, lips almost trembling but your composure well gathered now. “if we do this- ya’ can’t treat or make me out to be some fool of a house wife. i-i’m more than that and i’ll be damned to be one of your puppets.”

 moving out of his reach makes you ache for it more yet thomas sees something within you. you were sorta like polly sometimes. strongly determined woman.

 “ya’ help me stay together, ya’ help me keep this household together... my family together and whatever ya’ want is yours.” flickering from each eye, he awaits your response and you nod.

 “i agree, to be your wife. i agree to hold your secrets, now for i wish to get rid of the jewish ways though... go back to the gypsie ways. please.” your desperation was without notice and he kisses you.

 kissing you felt like kissing grace.

kissing you felt like kissing grace.

-

  setting down the glass of whiskey, your eyes train along the inside courier. everything was simple, everything was different. charles was taken to bed not too long ago, you didn’t see much of him but it made you think.

 too take on this responsibility was what you were raised for. yet you ran from it because eric was a vile man... so is thomas. your heart aches though due to the surprising feeling erupting yourself; that you may just like the man ever so slightly.

 with your past and his it felt like you both being so fucked up, it could work? sighing heavily and grabbing the glass once more. the liquid slips down your throat as you enjoy the peace of true alone time.

 telling his maid, well lady of help to head to sleep since you were up. if charles was to awake you could handle it or if need be. get her up. charles really ponders through your mind, for you would be like a mother.

 you could be his mother, yet you would never wanna replace his true mother. what was she even like? what did she view or believe? what the hell did she see in thomas shelby?

 he said she was a bit like you, in what fucking way?

 you move and see her painting and you looked nothing of her. she looked of class and elegance, some real princess shit. you didn’t compare to that, so what motive was this?

 make me alive again, was this his plan? biting your lip you throw back the remaining liquor. rolling your eyes at the empty cup, you head towards the kitchen.

 smiling to yourself of the kindness that francis left out the bottle for you. moving forward you almost reach the counter but you were hit over the head. your body hit the ground harshly, the glass breaking surrounds you.

 it flashes back to the moments of your mothers death. yet before you could react you were hit again, and the darkness overtook you.

-

 you awoke in a moving vehicle, head pounding your face contorts in displeasure. trying to focus your vision, your eyes land on a priest as well as a few other men.

 “hello miss solomons.” the priest smiles wickedly and you stare back unfazed, or atleast as much as you could appear.

 “well you see, there’s so many ways this here can go. yet as of right now, you are actually of great use.” his tone menacing and your head was spinning.

 you try desperately to maintain eye contact with his. unsatisfied with your response of nothing; he nods as one of his men move forward. the hit makes your head sling to the side. blood literally splattering onto the window beside you.

 the taste of blood in your mouth has became a all too familiar feeling. as you let your head hang lowly, you over hear someone mutter. “we are almost there.”   

 moving your hand to wipe your chin, seeing the back of your hand covebloody finally angers you. not knowing where this was going, you finally look back up. “i think we might just have to use the boy instead.” 

your heart drops, distracted now. the boy? of course it had to be...

“what boy?” you finally speak, it slightly muffled due to your severe swollen lip. this gets the mans reaction. “she speaks!”

 “what boy?” you question again, feeling a sense of protectiveness all of a sudden. what is going on with you?

 “ahh, mr.shelby’s boy. ya’ see we have a deadline, and i do have orders with him. oh i spoke to your cousin mr.solomons... he does seem to have a keen interest of seeing you.”

 sitting back you take in everything, the deep wrenching pain in your chest over came you. ”didn’t mention if it meant alive or dead, though. dear.”

 tears fill your eyes, as you realize everything. this was all a lie, a pawn, a game.

 “yet your price is a wager, does thomas care more for your safety or does your cousin? or i could merely kill you now and just let you be what you so ‘desire’.”

 his words let everything truly settle now. you never escaped. you just switched paths.

 it almost could make you laugh, until it did. you looked crazy and stupid but you were laughing, hysterically almost. wincing at your lip throbbing, heaving out as your head pounds from the movement. you stare into the mans eyes dazed. he stares back at you in discomfort but looks away.

 thomas got his own kid into this shit. he better have this all figured out. dizzy from the amount of hits to the head you’ve taken. you look back over and see the man on your right snatching out two pills. eyes widening slightly as you try to move back.

 “what is that? wh-wha-no!” the men hold you down, your kicks and hits defenseless. the pills shoved in your mouth. water forced down your throat whilst your nose was plugged, left you choking on the water. forcing you to swallow.

 yet they continue it for a few seconds longer, leaving you to start choking horribly. knowing it was swallowed, you were let go finally. shaking and drenched in water, you wildly swing your fist forward. 

pure rage in hitting the man on the right. your leg kicks the other guy, before you hit the priest once. a strong hit leaves you slumped, mind swirling until you were no longer able to stay awake.

-

 a strong jerk makes your eyes flicker open. charles was crying softly, making you ignore your own pain. sitting up you look at the man holding him. out of it but desperate you plea.

 “give him to me. please, i-i was a mother, i know how to make him stop.” you lie out of instinct but the man seems irritated and hands charles over with ease. ignoring their looks as we come to a stop.

 pressing a soft kiss to his head, you hold him soft rocking him softly. your watch the men get out of the vehicle, it was dark out now and your head hurt so bad.

 keeping it together for the sake of charles, you try to stay focused. the priest man comes back and you clutch charles more tightly, charles surprisingly soothes down within your hold.

 “come on, lets go.” knowing what happen last time, you slowly move out the car, careful with charles the cold wind hits your skin for your only in a nightgown and light sweater. which was blood stained.

 the darkness led you to follow him, but soon a room with light appears. you sat down as instructed, feeling the light make your head hurt worse. you notice the two other guys didn’t follow through and he was now alone.

 trying not to move, you let charles sit beside you. oddly enough he gave charles something to eat while you stay silent. he looks up at you with a smile.

 “the deal is all taken care of, you will be taken care of soon.”

 this sick bastard. he gets up suddenly looking back at me, “stay here.” the tone was threatening and you nod softly. scared of what might happen, you sit quietly listening in hard. 

moments pass before you heard the words uttered, “please don’t shoot.” you fly up, feeling dizzy from the quickness, glancing back seeing if charles will be okay. 

moving forward grasping the wall beside you, as the spots slowly fade from your vision. following the way he took trying to listen in on where the sounds were coming from.

 moving quicker at the noise of grunting and painful sounds, ignoring your own pain. you round the corner, taking in the sight of the priest guy fighting a younger guy. 

 in the oddest moment you notice a hat, the familiar hat. the cap thomas had, a similar one on the ground.  “you know who your fucking messing with?” 

 he throws the guy against a bench, swinging on him. both hands wrap around his throat in such a swift motion. the look on his face reminded you of what yours probably looked like. without thinking you grab a nearby book.

“i’ll take the fuckin’ life from ya’.” you throw the book, it missing your goal hitting him in the back. “leave him the hell alone!” rushing forward, as he turns around one arm coming out. his elbow hits you harshly making you fly back.

 hitting the side of a bench, your ribs aching out from the movement. not even knowing what you hit, you stay on the floor. tears leave your eyes unwillingly from the pain.

 flying back the back of your head slams into a bench, rolling over sideways. in a slump, you barely were able to make out what was in front of you. all the damage to your head, you knew in nursing this was severe.

“both of ya’ gypsie bastards” without a second thought, the man slices the priest eye. him stumbling back in pain, as the younger man kept coming and coming at him.

 “melanie?” you call out as you swore you heard her voice. snapping out of it at the slam open of doors.

 two men emerge from a door, too much in pain to handle that situation. trying to push up, hearing the sound of charles cries. “charles.” you gasp out, completely remembering the boy. 

managing to get up shakily, moving forward only to stop momentarily. taking in the sight of the bloody mess of the once alive priest. the image locks you in, before you turn back. your were weak and slow but you reach charles.

collapsing beside him leaning back against a near wall. ignoring everything in the world, for it was too much to bare. how odd you found yourself near something of pure innocence; after the chaos you just endured.

 charles babbles as you softly sob, “oh charles.”

“it’s alright.” the mans voice spoke, stopping you momentarily. you went silent uncertain exactly anymore of anything. despite everything though you speak up.

 “thank ya’.” your tone hush as if you weren’t bold to speak loud. the man sighs out and you wince.

 “but ya’ gotta get th-thomas.” the words slip out weakly, eyes flutter as they gaze upon the boy. not even noticing he came around the corner. blood soaked and shaken up, trying desperate to stay focused.

 “i’m michael, i’m tommy’s cousin.”

 so simple, which was all that was needed. “y/n solomons.” he helps you up, you lean against the wall as he scoops charles up. “hold onto my arm, there is a car outside.”

 managing to get inside, but once settled your body slumps. you try to stay up, but the tiredness takes over.

 still out not noticing you arriving at the shop, or that michael already took charles inside to the rest of his family. he notified them of you. ada and polly knew for they were the ones who helped you get your clothing.

 thomas spoke of you to arthur once.

 michael ends up carrying your lifeless looking form inside. polly rushing out orders, ada making a place for you to lay. you were set down and polly pushes your hair out of the way examining you, but when she touches you.

 her heart sank. for no reason apparent it just did. 

 “someone call thomas.” and the cheerful glee of happiness of charles was apparent but the dark silent loom of your appearance was one of unease.

 “mum, sh-she helped save him.” he confessed out to polly, who let out a sigh. “well call the damn doctor as well, for christ sakes.”

 your eyes flutter open slowly, “charles?”

 polly grasp your hand, “he’s safe dear, your both safe now.”

 “n-no my head. i can’t my head.” you groan in agony, and your heart aches. “thomas?”

 the room went silent. “tho-thomas?” polly speaks up, “he’s on the way.” yet after those words your eyes roll back. “the doctors on the way!” ada calls out and polly sighs in worry for the girl.

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

mmm…

i wanna talk about paul. i dont think i lingered too much there. bc it’s a sensitive spot i guess? it’s a sensitive thing to be openly unwell. my focus with this post if i really even have that is his relation with louis. i wanna talk about paul in relation to how louis treats him and that being a reason why i love louis so much too. i love both characters. i think paul doesnt really ever get mentioned in fandom much. which is the psychosis experience tbh. so it tracks.

it’s a public spectacle every one wants so desperately to ignore and to be over. in my personal experience (and i don’t think i’m alone in this) the person going through it wants it to be over too. wants that people don't see them that way. but paul’s whole character is generally ignored other than in conversations about whether or not lestat caused his suicide, which was a compelling conversation. whether or not he did is a incredibly prickly thing in the gut of the story. and to be followed up with Louis staying with Armand after having killed claudia who has a thread with paul too. she has a manic/psychotic moment. she’s a collector. she’s a lot of things that society doesn’t want to see exist. (nor does the fandom but i digress) and the way she lives in this undead world is as if she doesnt exist at all so manny ways (like paul in life too in ways) we’ve spoken of if you are someone who dares to acknowledge the fullness of her character. i said this was about paul but im working through a connection in real time. i think that’s why i wanna talk about paul. bc he carries so much of the story in the little time he was alive. and his death is the catalyst for louis’ initial death. not the one lestat gave him, but the one that made it possible for lestat to convince him in the first place. ( the spiritual one maybe? idk. im just thinking thoughts)

what i never question in regards to paul and louis’ relationship, is that louis loves him. that’s what actually makes that: “did lestat kill him really? and whether or not he did kill him….louis thought he did and stayed?” conversation so insane in the membrane to me. because the way he treated paul shows me he does love him so much. one: something in him died with paul. another thing is that louis genuinely wanted him around. he advocated for him to stay out of the hospital. he took him out as soon as he was given the power to as head of household when his father died. (i have so many questions about his own feelings and opinions on his father.) he openly spent time with him. paul was his favorite person. he let paul crawl into bed with him. which is kind of big deal from what i know in the openly unwell population. not a lot of people want to comfort that. and louis allowing his male brother into bed with him for that tender moment is kind of a key moment for him to me bc of how the pressures of homophobia can affect how men are made to feel they can treat their male family members too. Louis sees him and his need and is willing to give it to him. louis wants to be there for his brother. he decides he’ll be the one to take care of him. tells grace not to worry about paul. he would take care of him. he assures paul he wont see lestat anymore. louis’ love for paul was in the way of lestat’s wants and desires. maybe paul did have suicidal ideation already. maybe many things can be true.

(i meant to post this during disability month, but i went through it and so now i’ll just continue where i left off)

louis struggling with killing a man with a daughter and wanting to go home to his brother…😵‍💫. paul isnt a child, but louis was his caretaker. in paul you see louis shine in that role (barring the bit where he pulls a knife out, and threatens to gut him, bc that was a performance. it’s not great but he didn't even want to do that). louis recognizing that locking away a man for having delusions just because he has them at all made paul worse was such a powerfully impactful thing to me. i say this fully well knowing sometimes going to the hospital can be beneficial these days, but even still being locked up there?? drugged and treated horribly given he was black and in a time when mentally ill people were treated heinously? louis saying he belongs at home and seeing to it that paul gets to be home with his family. spending time with him like he’s a person beyond his disability. beyond his delusions. that shit makes me like quiver and cry tbh. that’s mostly what people going through that need most of all and don’t receive. he loved paul. and when paul dies louis dies. idc. (so if lestat’s did take paul away from louis….he killed him twice….also while i’m here i have stirring thoughts about lestat knowing he could tell paul his truthful intentions in town and that out of paul’s mouth no one would believe him. maybe that’s the whole thought. or maybe i’ll come back to it. idk)

(i think in some ways claudia was also theyre to fill the casm paul created too. sorry none of this is like linear or anything im just thinking i guess. maybe i’ll make get into how i see they’re related later.)

[liverpool-enjoyer]

footballers as taylor swift songs

requested by my swiftie in Christ @yudgefudge!! thank you luv <3

leo: you're on your own, kid. ive been associating him w this song way before i knew that everyone else was doing the same lmao. it rlly does encompass his entire journey, from humble beginnings n jus being a little kid playing for fun (from sprinkler splashes/to fireplace ashes), to being the best in the world n all the struggles that come with it (i search the party.../just to learn that my dreams arent rare). the man gave his blood sweat n tears like hed be saved by a the "perfect kiss" which here is a metaphor for the wc obviously. n ohmygosh "everything you lose is a step you take"!!!! BRUH???!?!?! every line, from "i didnt chose this town (ie paris)/i dream of getting out/theres just one who could make me stay", to "the jokes werent funny, i took the money/my friends from home dont know what to say" are all SO leo coded.

ney: anti-hero. i ADORE him n theres a lot of people that like him. but theres also a lot of people who like not liking him. hes one of the best in the world, and as great as that is, he has, unjustifiably so, garnered a significant amount of haters (its me, hi, im the problem, its me/at tea time, everybody agrees). hes rlly endured a ton of it throughout the years, but keeps going (pierced through the heart/but never killed). after facing so much backlash, youd probly worry about the people that still support you and how much longer you can hold on to that (one day i'll watch as youre leaving/and life will lose all its meaning). also, hes a rich person. which makes the bridge pretty relatable for him but like in a funny way.

gavi: nothing new. this one is more based off my inner musings than actual like evidence. i have no idea whats going on this lil dudes head. but i know that IF i were in his position, i'd relate to this song a FUCK TON. its basically a song abt being in the spotlight, n being the shiny young thing that has peoples attention. but what happens when thats not true anymore? (Lord, what will become of me/once ive lost my novelty?) what happens in a few years when an even younger prodigy comes around n impresses everyone? (are we only biding time 'til i lose your attention?/and someone else lights up the room?/people love an ingénue). im not gonna write down the whole birdge but its basically abt the inevitably of meeting your replacement. the song basically asks: "will you still want me/when im nothing new?" he seems like a happy dude who probly doesnt think abt this stuff, but if i were a famous promising young soccer player, this stuff would definitely weigh on my mind.

muller: the story of us. Lord forgive my mullendowski heart. i tried to think of a song that would fit jus him n leave shipping out of it but,,, yeah it wasnt happening. in my mind theyre a package deal. anywho the song's about being around someone youre still in love with after youve broken up (now im standing alone in a crowded room/and we're not speaking and im dying to know/is it killing you like its killing me). ik theyre on good terms n all but in my mindbrain i imagine him them being in the same place for the first time since lewy left him bayern and poor thomas jus "nervously pulling at my clothes/and trying to look busy." and my gosh "but you held your pride like you shouldve held me"??? the AUDACITY. i can go off about this whole song tbh. oh n also even tho speak nows a country album this song is kinda,,, rock/punk-ish kinda??? which is to say, its very loud. much like a certain someone. fun fact i almost put seven for him bc of "before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/anytime i wanted" but i figured one line wasnt enough for me to put the whole song.

mbappe: evermore. this is a brooding song. a depression song. so i can definitely see this as a post 2022 world cup final song for him. it actually relates to a sports loss very well. (i used to listen to this song n think a oikawa from haikyuu,,, heh). if theres one thing abt mbappe its that hes dedicated. i can see him "replay(ing) my footsteps on each stepping stone/trying to find the one where i went wrong," yknow, jus thinking abt the final over n over. very "i rewind the tape but all it does is pause/on the very moment all was lost." but at the end of it all, hes young, hes talented, n has more world cups ahead of him. ie: "i had a feeling so peculiar/this pain wouldnt be for/evermore."

klopp: dear reader. this whole song is just advice. its taylor dishing out advice to her fans, most of whom are younger than her. kloppo loves his players, he wants to give them good advice that applies not only on the pitch, but off it as well. (dear reader/bend when you can, snap when you have to/dear reader/you dont have to answer, just cause they asked you) however its no secret that our lovely manager can be pretty hard on himself. so its possible that while he gives advice to those he loves, he feels like hes not worthy of giving it (you wouldnt take my word for it/if you knew who was talking).

again, everything stated is speculation, fueled entirely by my delusional lil mindbrain. as i dont know these ppl.