#so is like Patroclus=Hector=Achilles=Paris

[jules-ln]

I find very funny that there's a lot of people who like Achilles but hate Paris; because, they're very similar characters.

Like, what did Paris do that Achilles didn't? Honestly, I think it's more about the way these two characters are portrayed in the Iliad.

Because think about it. Both are beautiful, both are associated with Apollo, both have scenes in the iliad where they're resting with their partners while everyone else is fighting, both are the reason a lot of their comrades are dying because of a woman they feel entitled to (Helen and Briseis).

I think that the only thing they truly differ; besides their skill level in combat, is that when Hector reprimanded Paris, he went back to fighting; meanwhile when Patroclus reprimanded Achilles, he still refused.

So, what is the big difference between Achilles and Paris that made everyone hate Paris but like Achilles? The way these two characters are framed in the Iliad.

Personally, I think both characters are very interesting, and it's fun to imagine Paris as a negative version of Achilles (or Achilles as a negative version of Paris depending on how you look at it).

But now that I think about it. Everyone remembers how when Achilles killed Hector he was killing himself? Well, if I think of Achilles as a reflection of Paris, then when Paris killed Achilles he too was basically killing himself in the end? It would make sense then why Paris had to be the one to kill Achilles.

[eternalera]

hector and patroclus seem so goddamn similar istg-

hector and patroclus are so alike for some goddamn reason. when someone close to them doesnt want to participate in the war they go out and fight for them and their honor (hector doesnt want paris to be laughed at, achilles literally tells patroclus to fight for his honor)

they both treat their captives and women in general with respect as helen mourns hector kinda like briseis saying that he treated her with kindness never let her cry etc. just like patroclus when he was comforting briseis

they also have THE SAME death stanza thing when its like 'and he was swept down leaving his manhood behind or whatever-' (i dont have it memorized nor do i want to look it up right now)

but also everyone mourns them and its kinda similar? the women beating their breasts the crying even from the highest soldiers in their army. idk if its all like this but i just find it interesting (especially since their funerals are the only two funerals that are ever mentioned whether that be from status or for effect) that everyone mourns them.

how when we get to hectors burial it feels like a parallel of patroclus' instead of its own thing and vise versa. i cant explain it but theres something between the two and omg i need to figure this shit out.

they were kind, great warriors, and loved by all yet killed. they seem so goddamn similar

[muppetebbtide]

trojan war tumblr simulator

🌊 is-the-sea-wine-dark-today

YOU BET IT IS

#the wine dark sea!!!!!!!!!!!! #wine dark sea #wine dark sea posting

108 notes

✌🏻 ajax2electricboogaloo follow

why is achilles the only demigod who's Like That? like he's my boy but u don't see memnon or aeneas or sarpedon acting like him on the reg. why is he so maladjusted? like specifically? I saw his mother once and was so terrified by the sight of a goddess I flung myself to the ground and hid my face in the dirt til she left but I still don't think that accounts for it idk

🏘️ nobody1020

it's blonde man syndrome hope this helps

340 notes

⚔️ sonoftydeus

opening my askbox so that we can discuss strategies on taking troy!

3 notes

anonymous asked: we should all go home :)

⚔️ sonoftydeus answered:

FUCK OFF AGAMEMNON I WANT REAL SUGGESTIONS

50 notes

nobody1020 asked: do u like..... horses

⚔️ sonoftydeus answered:

odysseus do I even wanna know where this is going

45 notes

⌛ isthetrojanwaroveryet?

year 9, day 234: still no....

#all our admins keep DYING

500 notes

‼️ trojan-confessions follow

I think my wife might be sending me anon hate :/ keep getting asks like 'hope u die on the battlefield tomorrow silly slag' and 'menelaus should have curbstomped you' and in her big tapestry of warriors she made me look stupid

🐴 horsetaminghector follow

lmaooo is this paris??

🔮 cryinglikecassandra follow

kinda think helen should send MORE anon hate idk

600 notes

❓ myrmidons-confessions

I was the one who wrote the achilles/agamemnon 100k slowburn enemies to lovers rpf and put it on the group chat but now patroclus is calling me 'agachilles boy' and laughing about it and asking if I can proofread his mock bardic epic where all his dogs are heroes and killing people, so I fear I've made a mistake. I also can't look achilles in the eye anymore... but honestly I've never seen proof he can read so I might be safe

❓ myrmidons-confessions

5000 notes

👑 kingofmycenae

👍🏻 ajaxthegreat

achilles is DEAD and ur posting CRAB RAVE?????

🏘️ nobody1020

I think that's why he's posting it ngl

300 notes

😹 deiphobus42069

imagine being the achaeans and your best warrior gets killed by PARIS, after everyone else had awesome deaths at the hands of sarpedon or hector or memnon... like that's literally so embarassing I just know achilles is fucking fuming down in hades rn. I bet the achaeans are gonna put around that paris was guided by apollo, or that paris happened to hit his only weak spot..... anything 2 try and make it less cringe.... lol lol we're popping the biggest bottles tonight. hope helen's there

🐆 leopardskiniscool

???????????????

#I mean. yeah. but also. #deiphobus wtf I thought we were chill

240 notes

#hope everyone can be normal about the outcome!!! :)

340 notes

🧑🏻 randotrojansoldier-deactivated-8578543

so excited to go back onto the field of battle tomorrow! sure hope I don't encounter any of the big-name heroes

🗣️ homer follow

I hope you don't too! I'm sure you'll do great!

🐎 antilochussss

not the direct address????

✌🏻 ajax2electricboogaloo

direct address got him :(

3000 notes

💂🏻 trojanguardtales follow

fuck my job so much I hope that this wooden horse tribute to the gods turns out to have some guys inside or something just so I can DO something rather than standing here like a twat with my spear

💂🏻 trojanguardtales follow

by ares this can't be happening

345 notes

⚔️ sonoftydeus reblogged menelauskingofsparta

do NOT order achilles from shein!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#oh yeah #I was stuck with temu achilles in the trojan horse for six hours #and by hour two agamemnon had suggested killing and eating him #and odysseus was threatening to 'send him to meet his father' #and it's not even like there's any kleos in killing priam!!! #anti neoptolemus #neoptolemus defenders dni #vent tags

100 notes

[spocktheestallion]

for a tragedy the iliad is pretty funny. compiled some of my favorite things about it (not in chronological order)

- patroclus barely speaks for most of the book but EVERYBODY loves him. like he’s literally the entire greek camp’s precious meow meow. the ORIGINAL sweet little meow meow. even the GODS are sad and feel bad when he dies. even HOMER loves patroclus, always calling him “faultless patroclus” “my patroclus” “gentle patroclus” “sweet patroclus” WE GET IT. achilles, briseis, menelaus, ajax, literally every member of the greek camp is down ATROCIOUS for patroclus all bc he’s just one Really Nice Dude. just one very Sweet and Polite Fella. one Extra Special Guy <3 his whole narrative purpose is simply to be everyone’s special little scrunkly

- in one of the MANY passages where achilles is lamenting about how sad it is that patroclus is dead he promises patroclus’ corpse that he will have many deep-bosomed trojan and dardanian women weep for him. he tells his dead buddy “i will get the absolute THICKEST hoes with the BIGGEST mommy milkers for your funeral” honestly? id be honored

- all the arguments escalate so quickly. an old man very politely appeals to agamemnon to pretty please give his daughter back and offers him a huge fortune for her and agamemnon calls him a crotchety old bitch and tells him he’ll fucking kill him if he ever sees him again

- that same old man is a priest of apollo. you know, the plague god? anyway priest calls in a favor and apollo curses the greeks with a plague

- to address this, achilles decides to resolve it by calling all the greeks together and passive aggressively going “HM! i WONDER what could have caused a PLAGUE! it’s almost like we OFFENDED the PLAGUE GOD somehow. now WHAT could WE (cough agamemnon) done to offend the PLAGUE GOD?????” all in front of agamemnon

- zeus spends most of the book desperately trying to keep the gods OUT of the war. then once he’s finally had enough he just calls them all together and says “go nuts” and then they do

- artemis talks shit on the battlefield so hera calls her a bitch, steals her bow, and beats her with it. artemis then goes back to zeus and cries

- polydamas says to hector “hey you killed patroclus and achilles is gonna be fucking pissed. we should probably go back to the city while we can” and hector calls him a bitch and tells him to stfu. achilles then chases them back to the city and hector decides to stay outside and get killed by achilles instead of going in with the rest of the army bc he didn’t wanna hear polydamas say “i told you so”

- diomedes is about to fight with a guy called glaucus but then they realize their ancestors were friends or something so they decide not to kill each other, and diomedes says “hey! why don’t we even trade armor! :) just as a show of friendship! :))” and glaucus is like “yeah sure!” and gives diomedes his really nice gold plated armor while glaucus gets diomedes’ shitty plain bronze armor

- achilles makes a bitchy comment to his horses about leaving patroclus to die and the horse momentarily gains the ability to talk just to tell achilles it wasn’t THEIR goddamn fault, tells achilles he’s gonna die soon, and then goes back to being a normal horse.

- zeus with his daughters: oh child ❤️ oh my dear ❤️ oh there there i didn’t really mean it ❤️ sweetie why don’t you go help the greeks?❤️

- zeus with his sons: “ares you fucking donkey”

- everyone calling paris a stupid coward bitch every time they see him. all of troy fucking hates him. hector fucking hates him. helen fucking hates him.

- paris getting dressed up in fancy armor and prancing to the front lines going “i’ll fight ANY of you greeks!” and menelaus (the guy whose wife he stole) goes “alright bet” and paris nearly pisses his pants and tries to hide but then his brother hector calls him a piece of shit and tells him he hopes he dies and makes him fight menelaus. menelaus promptly ROCKS HIS SHIT. literally starts dragging him by his helmet like a rag doll, would’ve killed him if aphrodite hadn’t teleported paris outta there (BOO)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Something something about Eddie’s injury being an ankle and the play on the idea of Buck being his Achillies heel.

Something something about Achilles and Patroclus being Buck and Eddie (A&P’s relationship is essentially a queer one if you read the Iliad)

The we have Chiron, who I feel rather perfectly fits Tommy. Centaurs were considered lusty and wild (a metaphor for toxic masculinity) so Chiron rose above that to become a wise and intelligent centaur who was charged with the education of Achilles. Much like Tommy rising above the toxic masculinity of the 118 before Chim hen and Bobby arrived, to become this confident and comfortable elder queer.

Achilles is the one who taught Patroclus what Chiron had taught him. So something something about Tommy being Bucks education around his queer identity and then later perhaps we’ll see Buck passing on that wisdom to Eddie as he goes through his own journey to being an out and proud queer.

Essentially Achilles and Patroclus were childhood friends (buck and Eddie up to this point), Achilles was taught by Chiron and became a great warrior at his hand (Tommy teaching Buck and helping him on his queer journey). Achilles taught Patroclus what. Huron had taught him and Patroclus also became a great warrior. They fought alongside each other (metaphor for being work husbands) and were said to be lovers when they were adults (ergo after Chiron). They died on the battlefield shortly after one another (Achilles was killed by Paris in the Trojan war after Patroclus was killed by hector (who Achilles killed to avenge P’s death))

[starfanatic]

My Thoughts on the Trojans (after reading the Iliad)

One thing about me, I’ll always call Hector and Paris a cunt (Paris moreso) no matter what Achilles has done. Because let’s talk about it:

-The trojans quite literally only had Apollo because Ares and Aphrodite kept getting their asses handed to them (it hurts but its true). AND to top it all off they lost Ares. If I was any trojan and found out Ares, GOD OF WAR, left me I’m giving up immediately ☠️

-HECTOR aint even kill Patroclus in a fair 1v1! Patroclus called him a pussy and said his boyfriend is going to kill him and I GIGGLED because yeah 😭

-Paris is a cowardly idiot either way. Whether people want to believe Helen loved him or not, hes STILL a coward idc.

-Idk how people can think the Trojans were the ones in the right. You STOLE their queen (because im pretty sure she loved Menelaus), then LOOTED Menelaus afterward, then dipped after a treaty? Wtf was Menelaus supposed to do? You think he would be respected as a King if he let that shit slide?

-If I was Hector id kick Paris out of Troy and make him give that woman back so quick the ship wont be able to sail. Idgaf if hes my brother I dont even know him like that 💀 they have Achilles and you won’t me to risk my balls so you can get ballsdeep in a woman who DONT WANT YOU? What is this? I have a WIFE and KIDS and OTHER siblings? Fuck that.

-ALSO the Trojans don’t got NOBODY in give a shit about other then the gods.

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

Group Project has been created

Patroclus has added Achilles, Odysseus, Menelaus, and Diomedes to Group Project.

Patroclus's name has been changed to Baby

Achilles's name has been changed to I'm sexy and I know it

Odysseus 's name has been changed to SmartAss

Diomedes's nickname has been changed to Fight me

Menelaus's nickname has been changed to Himbo

 

Baby: I'm starting to regret it.

I'm sexy and I know it: If you want, you can change your nickname.

Baby: Nope, I'm Baby and I know it.

Himbo: Did you just…did you just mention LMFAO?

Baby: Achilles' nickname is the fucking song name. I stated a fact.

SmartAss: Guys, this is ridiculous. It should be a science project group.

I'm sexy and I know it: do you want to change and become Gayleo?

SmartAss: Gayleo never existed.

I'm sexy and I know it: Speak for yourself. He is my guide and inspiration!!!

Fight me: Are you making gay jokes without me?!

I'm sexy and I know it: Never, bro!

SmartAss: guys, we should get organized for the project! The professor gave us carte blanche!

I'm sexy and I know it: we have time!

SmartAss: Three weeks!

I'm sexy and I know it: at worst you enter the professor's house and change your grades. It would not be the first time.

SmartAss: hth yu know?

I'm sexy and I know it: Gays know everything.

Baby: we saw you come out of Professor Nestor's window. You fell and rolled a few feet. Then you got up and pretended you were there for a walk.

SmartAss: You have no proof.

Himbo: I'm starting to think that maybe it was better to be in a group with my cousin.

 

6pm.

I'm sexy and I know it: so, I have a scientific headcanon…

SmartAss: Please say theory! You have a scientific theory!

I'm sexy and I know it: Anyway, I have a scientific headcanon. But I need Hector in a locked room and a gun.

Baby: Achilles, we will not use Russian roulette for our project.

I'm sexy and I know it: But it's for science! Probability theory! It's brainy.

Himbo: Still no. Let's use Paris.

Fight me: what if we put Paris and Hector in a room with only one gun? What would happen?

SmartAss: Bold of you assumes that Hector doesn't strangle his brother after five minutes.

Himbo: mood.

 

8pm

SmartAss: We need an idea!

Fight me: I think using Hector and Paris would solve our problems.

SmartAss: but it's illegal!

Fight me: and since when do you worry?

SmartAss: Since there might be evidence that can frame me, or too many witnesses. I have nothing against you guys, but I would kill you and hide your bodies so I don't end up in prison. No offense.

Himbo: We already knew that

Fight me: That's why Ajax hates you.

I'm sexy and I know it: doesn't Ajax hate him because Odysseus stole his job as captain of the rugby team?

Fight me: Also.

SmartAss: Some don't know how to lose.

Himbo: You weren't even on the team.

SmartAss: and now I'm captain. Your point?

Baby: Forget Hector and Paris. I want to study Odysseus.

I'm sexy and I know it: are you cheating on me for the dwarf?!

SmartAss: Hey!

Fight me: don't listen to him, bro. It is known that dwarves have something else that is very great.

Himbo: And how do you know?

Fight me: you'd like to know, huh?

 

8.45pm

SmartAss: studying the dysfunctional relationships of Ettore's family is not a bad idea...

Himbo: What changed your mind?

SmartAss: I went to take out the garbage…

I'm sexy and I know it: it's not nice to talk like that about Diomedes.

Fight me: Fuck you

I'm sexy and I know it: Baby already takes care of it.

Himbo: gross

I'm sexy and I know it: you're just jealous. You and Helen never like us.

Fight me:  I would kill them myself.

SmartAss: guys, focus. Social experiment. Relationships between brothers, and we use Hector and all his brothers.

Fight me: how many are there again? Twelve?

Himbo: now nineteen. Hecuba has just given birth.

Fight me: Nineteen?!

Baby: they should have stopped with the twins. It was enough. Hell, they should have stopped at Paris. They had to understand that it would only be worse later.

Himbo: but what job does Priam do? There are twenty-two people, two dogs, a cat, and Paris. How can he live in such a big house?

SmartAss: doesn't he work for the government?

Fight me: no government job pays this well!

Himbo: unless you're the president. 

I'm sexy and I know it: what if he is the head of the CIA?

Baby: Sure, and the head of the CIA came to this city to check out a high school and a very dangerous Blockbuster. Never mind that they sell DVDs of terrorists.

Fight me: But it would make sense because he has so many children. They are all future Spy Kids!

Himbo: if the fate of my country is in the hands of Paris, I will expatriate and change my name.

I'm sexy and I know it: Cassandra knows things. It's clearly spy training.

Fight me: Cassandra talks bullshit.

Himbo: You're only saying that because she told everyone that you had tea dressed as a fairytale princess with your six-year-old cousin.

Fight me: this has never happened! Cassandra is a liar!

Himbo: and where did the glitter in your hair come from?

Fight me: it wasn't glitter.

Himbo: And what was it?

Fight me: heroine

SmartAss: It was glitter.

SmartAss: Anyway, social experiment. We will observe Ettore and his family, thus describing their social dynamics.

Baby: Isn't that stalking?

SmartAss: no, it's science.

 

 

8am

I'm sexy and I know it: Outside school Cassandra came up to me and gave me a card with her family's schedule.

I'm sexy and I know it: she told me since you want to spy on us, better know when you will find us all.

I'm sexy and I know it: then she disappeared

Fight me: every time. Wtf.

Himbo: Am I the only one wondering how she knew or…

Baby: Dude, the fewer questions you ask, the better.

Fight me: this proves nothing! she just got lucky!

SmartAss: send nudes!!!

Fight me: I would love to do it but I'm almost at school.

SmartAss: No, idiot! No nudes. Dudes

SmartAss: Come help me! Ajax is chasing me! With a car!

Himbo: What did you do to him this time?

SmartAss: nothing!

Fight me: liar.

Fight me: give me a minute and I'll be with you.

 

8.30am

Fight me: RIP Odysseus

Fight me: he's not dead, but as soon as Ajax gets out of the hospital, he'll definitely kill him.

SmartAss: in my defense, he wanted to do me worse than send me to the hospital.

Himbo: Aren't you two supposed to be in class?

SmartAss: what part of Ajax wanted me dead wasn't clear to you?

Baby: How the hell you are alive? Ajax is twice your size.

SmartAss: If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

Baby: the alarming thing is that I never know when he's joking or serious.

Himbo: you guys scare me.

I'm sexy and I know it: you still have time to do the project with your cousin.

Himbo: better not

Himbo: I don't know if he would try to kill me, steal my girlfriend or sleep with my brother

Baby: i'm starting to think that it's not just Hector who has a dysfunctional family

Fight me: why don't I have sexy cousins who want to sleep with me?

I'm sexy and I know it: Thersites wants to fuck you.

Fight me: but he is not sexy!!!

Baby: If I have to go to therapy one day, I'll show these chats.

SmartAss: this should be a serious group chat...

I'm sexy and I know it: dude, did you see us?

I'm sexy and I know it: nobody here is normal. except Pat, but  he is perfect, so...

SmartAss: ...

SmartAss: we are doomed.

Fight me: prepare the copy of Nestore's house keys.

Fight me: you will need it

[wierdshenanigans]

The Iliad as high school au part 2 (you want part one? Go to my blog and fucking scroll-)

Agamnenon treats his girlfriend Clytemnestra like shit and she snaps and gets him expelled. Achilles goes beserk at Hector because Patroclus got kicked out of the sports club, both of them get into huge trouble. Diomedes is Odyseuss's best friend that hates Paris's guts. Penelope is Odysseus's popular gf that keeps getting asked out whenever he isn't around but she loves him so she pretends to be having a break up chat with him until he comes back.

[dhampiravidi]

a second chance at death (and happiness)

Achilles had known that he would choose glory over a long life the moment he won his first duel. Granted, that duel had been against Patroclus, who he had already fallen in love with. The two vowed to bathe in the Lethe together once they reached Elysium, so they could have one or more lives together somewhere else. They shared the same heart, so they should share the same adventures.

And then Patroclus died, killed by Hector while wearing Achilles's armor. Achilles had never known grief like that before, and his only comfort was the visit from his beloved's ghost, after he'd tried to bury all his pain with Hector's. When Apollo's arrow, guided by Paris, found its home in Achilles's tendon, he cried out of course, but he was glad. He could tell by the strength of the poison (and how it sapped his own) that it was going to kill him. For a second, he remembered kind Chiron, and his own son Neoptolemus--and he pushed their memories aside. Achilles would be with his missing half as soon as he closed his eyes...

He found himself in the Fields of Asphodel, where he and the other shades, ghosts with hardly any color, wandered aimlessly between plain trees, only able to groan as opposed to talk. With a heavy heart and rage directed at the gods, Achilles sat and wept. Patroclus had gone to Elysium--why wouldn't he?--but Achilles had been damned. It felt like forever before he and all the other shades' attention was drawn to something with an enticing scent that seemed familiar...ah, blood. The thing that landed him in his own personal Hell. But he never expected to see Odysseus, solid and alive in Hades. As soon as he got the chance, Achilles warned the man against dying, explaining his own suffering. Odysseus had always been a person who commanded respect, and yet Achilles did not truly understand why until the hero convinced Lord Aidoneus himself to resurrect Achilles.

The king of Hades would warn Achilles against being impious in any way, but Achilles already knew. He would not mess up his chances at an afterlife (or another life) with Patroclus. And maybe he'd get to see his son after all--according to Odysseus, Neoptolemus should've grown up and married. Achilles had a brief reunion with his mother (a big hug and lots of kisses on his cheeks), then went to join Odysseus.

"I hope I'm not too late," Achilles said, only walking up to the older man once he and his people were done burying their friend. He held out his hand, thankful for the opportunity. Just breathing fresh air felt like a blessing, though it was far from the kind Achilles desired. "You quite literally saved my life. I am in your debt."

@eternaljunkyard

[miroana]

Things I like about Troy (2004)

- Everyone is so hot. so hot. thank you for your service

- Amazing action choreography and acting — you can recognize the characters from their fighting and movements alone

- Gorgeous set and costume design

- Good acting performances. shoutout to Odysseus for being the best (and shady as hell), Hector for his impeccable honor, and Achilles, Helen, and Paris for being hot as fuck. It deserves a second mention

- Agamemnon sucks and it needed to be said

- That one line about the gods envying mortals because everything is more beautiful when you’re doomed, which everyone attributes to Homer but was actually just Brad Pitt

- Depicts the sacking of Troy as a tragedy and not a triumph which is what Homer would have wanted

Things I don’t like about Troy (2004)

- cousins

- Not accurate to the Iliad in any sense whatsoever

- Like seriously that was off in so many ways I’m not even going to bother to list them. just assume that if it happened in the movie it’s probably not in the Iliad

- All the women had no personality besides being sad. It’s such a shame bc I have it on good authority that Helen is brilliant if a bit vain and Briseis is very kind and brave

- cousins?

- The gods aren’t in it (no hilarious petty squabbling)

- My man Patroclus didn’t get his heroic bloody rampage so effective and violent that Apollo had to put him down

- No Big Ajax and his friend, Little Ajax

- Also, where is Diomedes is he safe is he okay? No, I get it. they didn’t want to overshadow Achilles and Diomedes is a class A badass. but still

- Achilles never physically fights a river in his endless rage (and wins)

- COUSINS???

[wolfythewitch]

Tumblr user wolfy thewitch becoming a Hector apologist was not on my 2023 bingo card but here we are (sincerely, a Patroclus enthusiast)

Apologist is a strong word I haven't fully read the iliad

My interest was piqued

I am pointing at Nestor, he seems like a lovely old man

Agamemnon is a bitch

Achilles is also a bitch but funny (and also ranks lower than Agamemnon on the bitch list)

Menelaus I was fond of in the Odyssey so he's chill for now

Patroclus made a single cameo but I cheered when he showed up

Odysseus also showed up look at him the rat man

All I know about Hector at the moment is he is tired of Paris' shit and I think it's hilarious

[eternalera]

achilles was doomed the moment he met patroclus :>

you guys ever stop and think that achilles was meant to die the MOMENT he met patroclus. i mean think about it for a second. in the iliad achilles was persistent in not fighting until agamemnon begged him to and agamemnon REFUSED to beg. if achilles didnt meet patroclus then he wouldn't have fought. he most likely would've left troy and went back to pythia bc he was THAT pissed at agamemnon. he wouldn't have killed hector, so apollo (paris shot him but lets be honest he didnt do shit) wouldnt have killed him.

now if you think of it in tsoa terms he knew that he was going to die if he killed hector. so he just wouldnt have killed him anyways. his mother wouldve probably told him and she probably did in the actual reading (at least i think she did) and achillles probably would've never killed him during the war. then agamemnon would disgrace him, not beg, and achilles would go off.

BUT since achilles met patroclus, found him as a friend and then lover bc lets be honest they were hella gay for each other he then got mad when hector killed him. mad enough to go back into fighting kill hector and then get killed himself.

what a gay ass love story

[virgils-muse]

I’m gonna start talking more about my Chonny’s Charming Chaos Compendium Hellenic Mythos AU here more because it’s been rotating around my brain. I have a couple of different variations of it so here we go!

Primordial Force Ver: Heart is Selene, Mind is Helios, Soul is either Gaia or Eos, Whole is Chaos. Yes I know that Selene/Helios/Eos aren’t technically considered primordials (they’re considered titans) but Primordial Force sounds better than Titan Force. A solar eclipse is the equivalent to The Shot. Heart/Selene is envious of Mind/Helios because he can shine his own light, while Selene’s light is only a reflection of Helios’s. Mind/Helios is envious of Soul/Gaia/Eos because he can foster living organisms, while Helios is obviously uninhabitable. Soul/Gaia/Eos is envious of Heart/Selene because he wants to be the source of artistic inspiration and appreciated like Selene is. Furthermore, Soul is really pissed at Heart and Mind for the whole eclipse thing because it could’ve blinded some of the earth’s humans, which Soul holds very dear to him. He threatens them, saying if this continues, he’ll give their titles of “Sun/Moon deity” to Apollo and Artemis. More chaos ensues.

Trojan War Ver: Heart takes the place of Hector, Mind takes the place of Achilles, Soul takes the place of Helen, and Whole takes the place of Zeus. Rather than the war starting because of Helen getting kidnapped/running off to Troy (the myth varies depending on who you ask), the war starts because both the Trojans (Heart/Hector) and the Achaeans (Mind/Achilles) want Helen’s favor, as she’s a daughter of Zeus and therefore very powerful and influential. Neither Heart nor Mind started or wanted to be in the war, but by the gods will they finish it. The equivalent to The Shot in this au is Hector killing Patroclus disguised as Achilles. Despite the war that rages on, Soul/Helen is keen on not being controlled by either side, and will end things by force if not listened to. After all, her creator is the king of the gods.

Judgement of Paris Ver: Unlike the other ones, this one is not directly putting HMSW into a Greek myth, but rather taking inspo off a Greek myth and running with it. So therefore, this au takes place in modern times, unlike the other ones which are set in Ancient Greece/Troy. Paris (Whole) is forced to live his life constantly suffering from the brutal arguing of Aphrodite (Heart), Athena (Mind), and Hera (Soul). Each of the three are fighting for control over Paris’s psyche, each of them trying to push Paris into doing their bidding, trying to convince him with argument fueled by pathos/logos/ethos. Idk I haven’t thought this one through much.

Lmk if there’s already existing Hellenic Mythology aus bc I’m not aware of any but I’d love to see some if there are! Also you totally wanna send me asks about these aus

[orchestrated-haunting]

Random dnd headcannons I had for some characters of the epic cycle because I just had neurons activate. This is gonna be long so they’re mostly under the cut.

Odysseus would be the DM, making riddles and puzzles for the party that he thinks is pretty easy to solve, but the party still spends the entire session trying to solve it.

He likes to fuck around with everyone. Has a doppelgänger infiltrated the party? Yeah probably. Has someone been following the party? Most likely. The party has to be on their toes at all times.

Odysseus plans far in advance for his sessions and somehow (like every dnd party does) the party goes in the completely opposite direction, so Odysseus is improving the majority of the sessions, but thanks to his storytelling abilities literally no one can tell unless Odysseus expresses how much he’s flying by the seat of his pants.

Achilles would prefer to play martial classes like fighter or barbarian. It’s not that he doesn’t like the spell casting classes, he just prefers to be on the front line. Give him a lvl 20 fighter and that man will go HAM.

He falls head over heels for every NPC he meets. He wants to smooch every single one. The rest of the party just sigh at his antics.

He and doors hate each other (he spent like 5 turns trying to open a locked door before he eventually got pissed off and just broke it down).

Patroclus prefers tanky classes that can also support the others so cleric and paladin are the classes he tends to play.

That being said he still loves to do damage. His main build is almost always a battle cleric so he can still heal but leave the majority of it to someone who is exclusively a healer.

Hector, man, he’d likely multiclass between something that’s support but also a martial class. I could see him playing a Paladin build the most often.

I think he tried to play a full caster class once and decided there was just to many things to keep on top of for himself, but he still enjoyed how useful spells are so he doesn’t mind a half caster class.

And while the majority of the party are probably chaotic neutral, he plays almost exclusively lawful characters. His characters almost always have a strict set of morals and a code that they follow.

I could see Paris playing caster classes. Give him any charisma caster, warlock, bard, etc. and he is having the time of his life.

Like Achilles I think he would try and romance so many NPCs, and boy does he use that charisma stat to its full potential. If he’s a bard you better assume he’s also using bardic inspiration on himself.

Penthesilea and Achilles are always trying to one up each other. She almost exclusively plays barbarians and if Achilles is playing one as well they WILL keep a kill count to see who ends up having killed the most by the end of the campaign.

She’s the starter of the tavern brawls, to which Achilles and Patroclus gladly join in. She’s also the one who is always the test dummy if the party is afraid of traps or failing a puzzle.

“What if it’s trapped??”

“I open the door.”

“Take 2d6 fire damage.”

At first you’d think Circe would play spellcasting classes but she does enough of that as is she’d want to do something completely opposite like a rouge. She’d love that.

I can see her giggling after pick pocketing one of the other party members while she just waits for them to figure it out. She’s a menace in a different way than either Achilles of Paris.

She’s not trying to romance any NPCs if she wanted to romance someone she’d just choose a real person. But boy her characters have sticky fingers.

[jarondont]

so i rewatched troy (2004) after like 7 years bc i finished the iliad and wanted to compare.

as someone who just watched the movie: it was amazing. loved it. so fun to watch

as someone who's read the source: WHAT THE FRICK THIS IS SO INACURRATE I COULD LIST THE INACCURACIES WALKSHFKSHFKASHFAKSHD IT SUCKS

things i loved:

-THE CASTING. PERFECTION. (hector, achilles, and odysseus's casting were my favorites. also paris sucks but why is he hot)

-hector and helen hug adhfkshf

-THE EMOTIONAL SCENES (especially hector, andromache, and astyanax scenes) HAD ME BAWLING

things i hated:

-menelaus is NOT THAT MEAN. he's a cinnamon roll 😭

-menelaus and helen's entire dynamic is ruined omg. they LOVE each other wdym

-some of the. changes. from. the. source. like yeah i get it that you want to make it more movie-friendly but did you HAVE TO KILL MENELAUS AND AJAX. and what happened to 10 years of war??? and where's hecuba??????? OH and achilles was a simp for patroclus.

anyways yeah rant.

[akhillaous]

TikTok TSOA fans are so funny because they’ll swear up and down that they despise Achilles and “only read it for Patroclus who was sweet and innocent and did nothing wrong 🥹🥹” like ijbol u people are not serious. Hate Achilles all you want, he did do bad things, me personally I hate him for sacking certain Trojan cities and refusing the embassy, no one’s denying that he was wrong and that he was a bad person at times, but loving a character does not equal justifying their actions for one thing and to act like any character from the illiad was a paragon of perfect morality is fucking insane. ( Yes, even Hector, everyone’s favorite “🥺he was such a perfect husband🥺” man of the month ) It’s literally so crazy to say that Achilles was the only one of the two of them to actively commit bad deeds and war crimes during the WAR they were in. Just close the damn book I’m sorry but obviously a book with morally ambiguous and dark topics are not for you at this point. Like I get your point, what Achilles did was bad, it’s not like majority of people DONT agree with that point.

But characters are not supposed to be FLAT. They are not supposed to be all good or all bad. Your insistence that Patroclus was only a good person does not make him a good character. It actually makes him really fucking boring. I’m getting way too passionate about this but like I’m so over everyone acting like

1) Achilles was the worst person to exist in Greek mythology history when he’s not even the worst fucking person in the illiad itself 😭 ( that honor goes to Paris, Zeus, Aphrodite, and Agamemnon <3 )

2) A character can only be liked or appreciated or even just talked about if they fit modern ethical standards

Like every conversation I see about TSOA, any video on TikTok, there’s always a comment that has to bring it up like “I only liked Patroclus and he was an unreliable narrator so Achilles was actually much worse” Like okay we get it, God, fuck off please!

Also the whole thing between him and Apollo. PLEASE. Those two are two sides of the same exact coin. I think Apollo was justified in killing him but yall act like Apollo has not done the same if not worse than what he killed Achilles for. And that’s. FINE. I still love Apollo! For all the good and the bad that he does I think he’s the most interesting Greek God on the Pantheon and in the Illiad he’s actually one of my favorite characters to hear from. And I don’t expect the Greek god to act with good moral intentions. I expect him to act like a Greek god. I expect Achilles to act like a Greek demigod. Which is, exactly the way he acts. Maybe yall expected something different. If you wanted a short sweet story that happened to be queer with two perfectly acceptable, 100% goody two shoes main protagonists, please drop the classics inspired books and watch heartstopper.