#incorrect iliad

[skopsidopsi]

Achilles: Im not jealous at all!

Patroclus: You just stabbed a guy for winking at me.

Achilles: Well he also looked Trojan tho.

Patroclus: He was serving food, Achilles!

[lions-and-men-musical]

shh they’re communicating

[incorrecthomer]

[at Achilles's funeral] Agamemnon: *places his hand on the pyre and sobs* Agamemnon: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

[little-cereal-draws]

These three because I love this ship so much

*Penelope and Diomedes flirting with each other yet again* Odysseus: And you two are sure you're not dating? Penelope: 100%. Diomedes: Of course not! Why would you think that? Odysseus: I wonder why that possibility would even cross my mind, Diomedes. I fucking wonder.

-

Diomedes: Two years ago, I married my best friend. Diomedes: Penelope is still mad about it, but me and Odysseus were drunk and thought it was funny. -

Odysseus: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? Penelope: Yes? Odysseus: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. Penelope: Fuck. Odysseus: It's gonna be a fun week! Penelope: I'm going to Diomedes's house. Odysseus: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker. -

Penelope: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication. Diomedes: It’s my turn to cuddle Odysseus. Penelope: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT! -

Diomedes: H-how do you ask someone out? Odysseus: Well, first- Penelope: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot. Diomedes: ...And you said yes? -

*Odysseus is telling a story* Penelope: Wow, Odysseus, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance! Diomedes: Romance? Penelope: I'm in love with him. -

Penelope, holding a rock: Diomedes just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Odysseus: If you don't marry him, I will. -

Diomedes: It's pretty cold outside... wanna hold hands? We should stay close. Odysseus, blushing: Okay. Penelope: It's fucking summer. -

Odysseus: If I say I love you, will you say it back? Diomedes: Yes. Odysseus: I love you. Diomedes: It back. *Later* Penelope: Why is Odysseus crying face-down on the floor? -

Penelope: Ooh, somebody has a crush Odysseus: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Diomedes. I just think he's cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Odysseus, very much awake: Uh oh. -

Penelope: Did Diomedes just tell me he loved me for the first time? Odysseus: Yeah, he did. Penelope: And did I just do finger guns back? Odysseus: Yeah, you did. -

Penelope: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Diomedes. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Diomedes! Odysseus: Nope. Penelope: In that case, as the archbishop of Odysseus's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Diomedes right on the lips!!! -

Odysseus: Thank you all for coming. Penelope, wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here. Odysseus: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck Odysseus Task Force". Diomedes: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way. -

Odysseus: *looking through his closet* Has anyone seen my top? Diomedes: Penelope’s in the kitchen. -

Diomedes: *sucking on a popsicle* Penelope: Pfft, you practicing for when Odysseus gets here? Diomedes: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle* Penelope: *Concern* -

Diomedes: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look? Odysseus: Like its slips on and off really easily. Diomedes: Odysseus: No, I didn't mean it like that- Penelope: We know what you meant. -

Penelope: Can you please just apologize to Diomedes? Odysseus: Fine, but I have to warn you that this may make me a nicer, better person and that is not who you feel in love with. -

Diomedes: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted. Odysseus: I’m “a couple of things”. Penelope: I’m “got distracted”. *Penelope and Odysseus high five* -

Penelope: That shirt looks great, Odysseus. Odysseus: Thanks. Penelope: But I bet it would look even better on Diomedes's floor. Diomedes: Are you hitting on Odysseus... for me? -

Diomedes: Hey, Odysseus? Can I get some dating advice? Odysseus: Just because I'm with Penelope doesn't mean I know how I did it.

[godsofhumanity]

Diomedes: "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." I would. Pussy. Odysseus: "I wouldn't stoop to their level." I will. Coward. Achilles: "I'm the bigger person." I'm not. Give me the gun, bitch.

[katerinaaqu]

Hector: I'll fight one of your own!

Greeks: ...

Menelaus: This is nonsense! I'm going!

Agamemnon:

[jugganautism]

my part of an art trade with a tiktok mutual :) [@ baboomster]

[o3o-lapd-o3o]

athena: *to diomedes* listen to me, do not fight the gods...got it?

diomedes: *nodding* no fighting gods, got it!

*literally 5 mins later*

athena: *pointing at aphrodite and ares*

athena: STAB THOSE LITTLE BITCHES RIGHT NOW

diomedes:

diomedes: sure!

[lineaup]

That one scene..

Agamemnon: Few seconds ago, I lost my dear brother Menelaus.

Menelaus, bleeding from a noticably non-fatal spot: Quit telling everyone I’m dead! Agamemnon: Sometimes I can still hear his voice…

[lisztoaf]

Diomedes: you're a kind of father to me wise man

Odysseus: is it because I'm someone you can look up to and find soothing from your doubts in my words?

Diomedes: ...

Diomedes: you kinda remind me of a rat...

[meditando-en-paris]

Odysseus: Do it or you're straight.

Achilles: *Loud gasp*

[skopsidopsi]

Greek Camp Chat be like

[incorrecthomer]

Odysseus: You can't make everyone like you. You're not Penelope or Telemachus. Diomedes: What? Not everyone likes Penelope and Telemachus. Odysseus: Who doesn't? Diomedes: Well... Odysseus: Names. Now. Give me their names

[little-cereal-draws]

Diomedes: Agamemnon just hates our strategy ideas because he’s homophobic

Odysseus:

Odysseus: we’re not gay, Diomedes

Diomedes: we’re not?

[roachcicle]

kinda hate that this is my second most popular post but it is funny so

[vibinginmountolympus]