#so its beautiful AND it's peaceful. yknow? i liked that

[isaacathom]

anyway unrelated to the fraughtness of interacting with people, i slept over at a friends house while they made me nice chicken and potatoes and we watched the first three episodes of firefly, which i actually really liked! i dont like... particularly like river or jayne, for what i hope are understandable reasons, but i think the whole things just. :) its neat.

[scatterpatter]

Every time i cringe when old of mine gets notes again, I then get this kinda swell of pride

Like man I never would've thought that a silly doodle I did in the middle of a hyperfix in 2019 would over 4 years later bring a smile to someones face

Like how many times I've gone down internet rabbit holes and found fanart over a decade old but still managed to bring a smile to my face, how many abandoned fics and comics and art people dont really think abt anymore still bring me joy when I stumble upon them

And I might not be proud of my old work because I've improved and I get embarrassed because I know I could do so much better if I re-did it nowadays, but like thats not the point. When I made it way back when it made me happy, and while it's not up to my personal standards anymore, it still makes other ppl happy. Other ppl arent holding my old art to the standards i am.

My one lil moment of joy that sparked a doodle inspiration kinda went across time and brought a smile to someone else's face way down the line when im not even really in the fandom that doodle was for anymore

AUs I've since gone back and went "eugh" with because I know I couldve approached them with better designs and writing nowadays, even tho I don't think it's good enough, someone else does, and like. thats just. thats just nice.

Idk. I dont have a point to this. I just hope that stuff i make today makes ppl happy years down the road. That's a nice thought.

[gilliontidestriderchampionoftheu]

guys i am slash gen so happy for grefgor and i am actually ELATED that arthur looks weird now

[sovasleepy]

beauty sleep

[ gekko x reader ] — when you fall asleep wearing makeup, gekko does his best to clean your face without waking you ; part 2

warnings: the reader is gender neutral, although the reader is described to be wearing makeup so take that as you will. also a brief mention of being drunk/alcohol but its not gekko or the reader.

notes: requested by anon! i hope you enjoy :)

the usual banter between phoenix and jett played out in front of you. they were high off of a victory, much like yourself and several other agents that had joined together for a victory feast at a local takeout place. what was supposed to be a quick run for food turned into a posse of idiots parading around downtown, much to the credit of an already half-drunken skye.

phoenix quickly followed her, his energy coaxing the fire that was already brewing in the hearts of the agents. a particularly important mission had gone incredibly well that day and the entire team was still riding high.

jett snorted as she shoved phoenix, laughing at whatever cheesy joke he’d laid on her.

“love the energy, but i’m far too tired to match it.” gekko spoke, leaning his head slightly towards you. his voice was much softer and quieter than their’s. it was a sharp contrast to the loud, chirpy voices of those around you.

“couldn’t agree more.” you grumbled.

as much as you loved your friends, you were happy to have them split off into their own directions once you were back at base. gekko was the only one to follow.

he padded toward your door and gently held it open for you. he watched you walk in, but hesitated another moment before speaking.

“could i come in? i know we’re both tired, i just don’t think i’m ready to sleep yet, yknow?”

you nodded and smiled. gekko always had a weird way of matching your emotional state, purposefully or not. absently kicking away a t-shirt that had ended up on your floor, you apologized for the state that your room was in and invited him in.

you proceeded to hit the mattress, and you were out like a light.

“thank you,” he spoke, words falling on deaf ears. his eyes scanned your room. he took in the decorations, noting how such small things were marked by traces of your hobbies or personality. “i just need to be around ‘calm’ for a while before i knock out, is all.”

he sat on the edge of your bed. he didn’t notice the fact that you were asleep. he continued to mutter to himself for another moment, before finally turning to see your reaction.

“well,” he spoke one last time. “that would explain the silence.”

still, he didn’t leave. he felt creepy. as though he was spying on you in some weird way. but you had invited him in, right? so there wasn’t something morally off about it, he assured himself.

he would like to deny the warmth that spread in his chest as he observed you, but that would make him a liar. while the thoughts were always in the back of his mind, he never truly got the chance to fully take you in. every curve and every feature of your face, the slight pinch in your brows as you slept, and the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest. it took him a while to realize the other thing he was seeing.

“isn’t falling asleep with makeup on bad for your skin? or your pillows or something.” he whispered softly to himself.

as he did, he slowly got up from where he sat on edge of your bed. a quick glance around your room offered him nothing, but he didn’t want to turn on your light and wake you. you looked so peaceful, after all.

quietly, gekko walked toward your bathroom. after trying for a miserable ten minutes to figure out which washcloth in your bathroom was the softest, he finally settled on one. he stepped towards your sink to dampen it, where his eyes caught a sleeve with the words “makeup removing wipes” printed on the side.

yeah, that seemed like a better idea than his.

makeup wipes in tow, he finally returned to your sleeping form. slowly, as if it would make a difference, he turned on your lamp. he froze as if to make sure you were still asleep.

he pulled one wipe from the package, gently rubbing at your skin. after a second, he pulled back and checked the wipe. he was doing this correctly… wasn’t he?

how often were you supposed to change wipes? or was it just one for the whole face? how hard was too hard to rub? how expensive were these wipes, anyway? how does he know when your face is clean? would the liquid that dampened the wipe hurt if it got in your eyes?

oh well. he could try his best, at least.

he discarded the dirty wipe in the trashcan near your bed and retrieved a new one. he continued his process of gently rubbing your face, taking extra care around your eyes and making sure he wasn’t pressing down so hard as to irritate your skin.

when he was sure he was done, he closed the container and returned it safely to the bathroom counter.

he came back when he was done. gently setting his weight on the bed, he smoothed down your hair with one hand and smiled at your sleeping form.

“you don’t really need your beauty sleep, but i guess i can let you have your sleep-sleep.” gekko commented after a beat.

he sat up gently as to not disturb you. he clicked off your lamp and shut your door softly behind himself as he left you to rest.

[fandxmslxt69]

Cute Library Boys

Steven Grant x f!Reader

Warnings: Steven being too goddamn cute and fluff!! Some swearing, absolutely tooth rotting dorky-ness.

A/N: Oh my god this has been sitting in drafts for so long but I finally finished editing ahahah. Idk how I feel about it ngl, its cute and has me giggling but !!!! idk. Anyway this IS inspired by a prompt: "Going for the same book at the library" taken from @creativepromptsforwriting (Mona sent me a prompt list literally like 2 months ago thank you @whatthefishh you are too cute for this world.) ANYWAY I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY this is a peace offering before I pour my heart out into the most gut wrenching angst and coochie killing smut <3

-Clem

Synopsis: All you wanted was to have a quiet day browsing books in the library. Who knew you'd manage to find the cutest man to spend your day with right there in the history aisle?

Word count: 3541 (omg.)

Walking through the library, you gently ran your finger over the spines of the book, feeling worn out paper and leather on your fingertips. It was always relaxing, being surrounded by so many stories, real or not, lives and adventures. You skimmed through a history section, looking for a book that might be of interest, and your eyes landed on one just up ahead, with a pretty spine and a title written in gold. Your fingers jumped to it, but bumped with another hand outstretched to grab it.  “Oh sorry, love! Didn’t see you there,”  “Oh no it’s alright!” You grinned up to the cute man with the cute British accent. “You can have the book, I don’t mind,” “Oh no,” He shook his head.  “Really, you can take it,”  “No it’s fine, really, I can just order another from the system,” He grabbed the book off the shelf, handing it to you. “Love, please. I’ve already read it anyway. It’s all yours,” He smiled, a bright breathtaking smile that lit up his whole face.  You hesitated but took the book from his hand, adding it to the (very heavy) bag you carried. “Memorised and all?” He chuckled. “I wish,”  You grinned at him, and an awkward silence fell as you scanned the rest of the shelf. “Uh,” You cleared your throat. “Anyway. Thank you, a lot, for-” “The book,” He finished. “Yes! The book. Thank you,”  He nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing.  “Alright well uh…I’ll, go, thank you, again,” You rushed to say before quickly dashing off, trying not to think about how pretty he was, or how soft his eyes looked, or his beautiful curls, his soft yet clear features…

No. 

You weren’t sure what the hell urged you to turn right back around and down the aisle again, but your feet carried you there anyway, and you found yourself standing right in front of the gorgeous stranger again. “Um. Hi.” You mumbled. Maybe he didn’t hear, maybe you could run be- “Hi! You’re back,” He grinned and you could feel the sunshine radiating off of him.  “Yeah. Um..I don’t know I just…yknow…You seem to know your books,” You gestured to the growing pile by his feet. “So I was just..wondering if you had any recommendations? I’m in a bit of a slump, so I wanted to try something new. I mean only if you’re cool with it, if I’m bothering you I’ll just go-”  He laughed, a quiet small chuckle that put a huge ass sappy smile on your face. It was contagious, his bubbly energy and cute laughs and smiles. “No it’s alright love, I’d be more than happy to give you a few suggestions, though it might just turn out to be a big ramble,” You shrugged. “Nothing beats a good book ramble,” “Wholeheartedly agree. Now,” He turned to the shelves, his soft eyes scanning the spines of the dozens of books, and he just started rambling- exactly like he said he would. On and on and on, grabbing a few books at a time and talking about them all at once, he looked over the moon to share all this knowledge with someone, you didn’t have the heart to tell him that you could barely keep up with him. You just stood there watching him, probably grinning like an idiot, adding every book he put down to the growing pile in your bag. Whether the book was actually interesting or not, you didn’t care. When a cute man excitedly tells you about his favourite books in an aisle in the library, you grab every damn one of those books and you take them home. 

By the time he finished going through at least a dozen books, he paused, biting his lower lip to hide a shy smile. “Sorry. Got carried away there,�� 

Ah shit.

“No no! It’s okay, no apology needed at all. You- it’s cute. You’re cute. When…you do the ramble thing. Cute. Yeah.” You cleared your throat, feeling your cheeks heat up.  There was a beat of silence, before he blurted out, “Steven.” “Sorry?”  “Steven…my name. Is Steven. Grant. Steven Grant. It kind of just hit me that I didn’t introduce myself,”  “Oh. Oh! Oh right. Oh my god.” You fumbled with your bag, trying to get yourself back in control. “This is embarrassing. I’m so sorry. I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you Steven,” He laughed again. “It’s very nice to meet you too,”  You nodded. How many times are you going to nod. Quit it.  “So…um,” you cleared your throat, wondering if it was too late to ask for a hole to open up and swallow you whole. “Yknow..there’s um…this cafe, right down the street, and it’s really nice and they’ve got pretty decent coffee and food. I was wondering if…you know, if you’re free anyway, and not too busy or if you have something better to do I totally get it-” “I’d very much like to go to the cafe down the street with you,” Steven interrupted, and you stared at him, jaw hanging open slightly as you took in his shy smile and the light rose of his cheeks.  “I mean, if that’s what you’re asking-” He rambled quickly to add. “Yes! Ah, uh, yes, that is what I’m asking,” You grinned widely, cheeks starting to hurt from how damn much you were smiling at this cute stranger in the history aisle of your local library.  “Great! Wonderful, amazing. I- uh…I’ll…go check out my books? Get settled while you do yours and…” “...we can meet by the front doors?” You finished for him. He nodded quickly, his hair bouncing with each bob of his head. You nodded too, fiddling with the strap of your bag. “Okay. Okay cool. I’ll…go do my thing. And I’ll see you soon?” “Yes, absolutely, 100% yeah,”  You chuckled, a few butterflies taking flight through your stomach with all his nervous blabbering.

He’s cute. Real cute, with the nicest warm eyes and a precious crooked smile, and the cutest mop of curls on his head that you desperately wanted to play with. Not to mention his adorable outfit..the cute earth brown pants and the soft sweater that definitely hugged his body in a comfy yet pleasing way. 

Screwed. Absolutely, royally screwed. 

After awkwardly staring (analysing) him for a solid minute as he grabbed the rest of his books, you turned and dashed to the check out desks, fumbling and mumbling about stupid cute library boys the entire way through the checkout process. 

*                                           *                                          *

As you both left the library, a light silence falling between you, he couldn’t help but take a few glances at you, his heart picking up pace, a giddy laugh building up in his throat- this was new. All of it was so new yet welcomed. He’d be damned if he let it go to waste, whether it be a chance to make a friend, or maybe a little more. 

By the time you had reached the shop, his shoulder ached from carrying his bag of books, and you looked ready to drop dead on your feet. 

“I can carry your bag if it’s getting you tired,” Steven suggested softly as you entered the cafe. You frowned, hugging your bag tightly to you. “What, no. It’s okay, I like carrying my bag. Makes me feel close to my books,” You pointed to a table by the window. “Here?” He laughed, then nodded. “Yeah this works,” He took a seat, lifting his bag off of him and placing down beside him. “What do you like to read anyway?” “Oooh,” You slid into the seat, you could feel the ache in your lower back start to build. Who even had back problems at this age. “I like a good fantasy novel, and I am guilty of reading way too much romance. I also like poetry. Not a very big person in non fiction though.” “Romance huh?” He raised an eyebrow, a playful smile on his lips. “Scandalous romance?” You laughed, shrugging. “What, a woman has her needs, and those needs happen to be pretty men with cute accents,”  “Ah right,” He nodded again, then paused. “Wait. I have an accent,” You chuckled, smiling widely. “Yes you do. A cute one too. And you’re cute. Pretty, dare I say,” His eyes widened, a blush creeping up his neck and his ears started turning red too as he looked away, averting his eyes and biting at his lower lip. Your heart did a little flip at how cute he looked when he was flustered.  “What kinda books do you like, Mr. Grant?”  “Hmm,” He flipped aimlessly through the menu, his eyes scanning the millions of different ways they make frappuccinos and espressos. He didn’t even drink coffee that much, he was more of a tea guy. “I like history, big fan of mythologies and stuff,”  You sat up, grinning widely. “I love mythology. I was a huge sucker for them in middle school. Still kinda am, honestly,” His heart did a little thing. “Really? What kind of mythology?” You shrugged. “I was really into the Greeks, they were pretty fun and it was a good time. I like the Romans a bit too, but they’re a little boring, yknow? The Norse are wack too, which makes it funny,” You grinned. “I was just a bit obsessed. I had an Egypt phase too for quite a bit,”  You could see the way his face lit up, how his eyes widened and a big smile started spreading across his face. “Egypt huh? That’s cool.” He nodded, deciding not to make a further comment lest it come off as too strong. You raised an eyebrow. “Cool? Oh come on, you totally had an Egypt phase,” “Did not!” “You so did. C’mon, tell me. I promise I won’t judge! I never could, I had attachments to those guys. You definitely know a thing or two,” He waved you off. “No..I mean, a little maybe. I’ve studied their mythologies and tales, aspects of culture and society, that’s sorta stuff, it’s not interesting really,” “Not interesting?” You scoffed. “Well I find them interesting. C’monnnn,” You nudged his leg under the table. “Who’s your favourite god?” He shook his head, a playful smile on his face. “I’m fond of Taweret. Hippo goddess, resides in the underworld and stuff. She’s nice,”  “Yeah? Know her personally?” “Oh yeah, obviously. We have chat over tea all the time,”  No way he was this funny. “Really? Wait, hang on,” You leaned in, “if she resides in the underworld, does that mean you’ve died before, Steven Grant?”

He liked it, he decided. The way you said his name, how it rolled off your tongue and out of your mouth so easily, and not the sarcastic way everyone else said it. Heaven, at least you remembered his name, not when half the staff at the old museum couldn’t even get Steven right.  He scrunched up his face, thinking deeply. “Hmm. Let’s see. I think I might have, yeah. A few times now actually,” There it was again, the laugh that filled the entire cafe, as your shoulders shook and you threw your head back in joy. “No way, you did not,” You finally said.  “I absolutely did! It’s not a good experience obviously, but yknow, an adventure,”  “So you’ve like- met Osiris and stuff?” He shrugged. “Maybe,” “Oh come on. Tell me! I’ve always liked him. Given, I always like every death god, so it’s no different,” “He’s alright. Very stiff though, no personality at all, he’s all business serious,” “Well duh, he’s a king,” Steven rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t mean he’s got to be so boring,”  You chuckled again, shaking your head in disbelief as you went back to the menu. “Any other gods you’ve met?” “Hmm.” He tapped his chin a few times, and brushed a curl of hair out of his eye. “I’ve met some night gods. They look like big ugly birds, with a big temper and zero compassion or kindness. Dress in old rags and stuff,”  “You’re lying, I swear you’re lying,” “I am not! It’s true. I see one quite often actually, he’s a pain in the ass, right psycho.”  “Yeah? He your best friend?” He snorted. “Absolutely not.”  You tsked. “Aw, that’s so sad,” “No it’s not. I told you, he’s not right in his mind,”  “Yeah but isn’t that all gods?” Steven sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Okay, you make an excellent point, but I’m telling you, this one is bloody psycho. Murderous and whatnot.” He smiled, a big goofy smile that showed his cute dimples.  You shook your head again, trying to fight back a stupid sappy grin. “You’re too funny,” “Too funny? Is that bad?” He frowned. “No! No, absolutely not. It’s nice, your jokes are actual..well, yknow, jokes. And it’s kind of nerdy.” “Oi!” He leaned in, pointing a finger at you with an air of amusement. “You just said nerdy was cute,” “It is!! It’s very cute!”  “Bloody right. ‘Cause if you came for sports jokes, I’m not your guy,” You laughed. “Nope, no sports jokes for me. I just like an extra side of nerdiness,”  He narrowed his eyes, fighting back a smile. “You are horrible,”  “Horribly cute, yeah, definitely,” He exploded with laughter, his face all happy smile lines and precious dimples. You smiled widely, your heart doing a little skip with how gorgeous he looks, so full of laughter. 

Thankfully though, before he caught you grinning like an idiot at him and trying to memorise his face, a waiter came to your table, and you managed to order your drinks without acting crazy or too dorky. 

*                                                         *                                                                *

“What about Bastet? You know her?” 

Okay so maybe you were still a little dorky. 

“The cat lady? I mean you see her everywhere don’t you? In all the nice cat ladies by your flat or in the market!” “Okay fine Mr. Poetic, I’m asking about the goddess,” 

He grinned, fiddling with the strap of his bag as you both made your way to a bus stop. “I haven’t met her, no. But I know of her,” 

“Right, of course,” You weren’t sure why you humoured this idea; the possibility of divinity walking amongst man. But the ease of pretending, of imagining with him, with Steven, was something you came to realise you enjoyed too much to give up.  “What about Zeus?” He frowned. “Wrong civilization,”  “Oh come on, so you’re telling me you can believe the idea of gods with bird heads from the times of pyramids, but you can’t humour me with the idea of wackoo’s living on top of a mountain?”  “I just don’t like them. Too chaotic,”  “That’s exactly why everyone likes them,”  “Okay fine, I just stay in my territory,” You shook your head, shrugging your bag back into place on your shoulder. “Okay, that’s fair, they probably don’t like each other anyway,”  “Nope, definitely don’t,” 

You both fell into a silence after, continuing your walk to the bus stop. “You don’t have to go all the way with me to the bus stop yknow-” You started but he just shook his head.  “I don’t mind, love. Really, it’s a nice day out for a walk,”  You nodded. “Okay.”

Silence fell again, and you couldn’t help but look up a little to look at him. Him with his pretty eyes and flushed cheeks. Him with his easy going smile on those nice lips. Him with the nice jawline and cheekbones that are just the right amount of sharp you just want to run your finger over it. 

By the time the both of you had made it to the bus station, you had made up your mind; You were going to ask him for his number. 

Only problem is…how do you ask a cute guy for his number?

You could feel the nerves start to set in as the minutes tick by, and more people pile around the bus stop. It was going to be here soon, and you’ll hop on, and probably never get his number and-

Okay calm down. You fiddled with your bag as the minutes passed, occasional small glances and nervous chuckles with Steven as he waited too, and it felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders just to ask for a series of stupid numerals.  When you glanced back up at Steven for what had to be the millionth time so far, you noticed in the far distance that the bus was heading this way. Steven turns the other way then too, noticing you staring and he sighed softly. “Ah, there’s your bus,”  “Yup,” He looked back at you, a soft smile on his lips. He picked at his nails, a feeling of anxiety bubbling inside of him. “So…” “So…” You continued for him, and you both laughed awkwardly.  “Can I-” “Can-” You stopped, chuckling awkwardly as Steven shook his head.  “Sorry love- didn’t mean to speak over you-” “No no it’s okay! My bad,” You reassured him. “Go ahead,”  “No really-” He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling. “You start,” “Steven-” You started to protest (why were you even doing that) but he set you with a firm look and you sighed. “Okay. I was…yknow…going to ask. If-” You trailed off. “Yknow…” “If…? Unfortunately love, I’m very bad at guessing games. You’ll have to specify,” You sighed, rubbing a hand down my face. You took a deep breath and right as the bus stopped at your station, you blurted quickly, “Can I have your number?!” It came out in one breath, a quick sentence and Steven’s browns furrowed. You panicked, thinking maybe you had read this wrong? What if he doesn’t want to give you his number? 

But then his face exploded in a wide smile, and his eyes lit up adorably and his cheeks filled with a soft blush. “Oh. My number!” He laughed, soft and clearly full of anxiety. “Yes- right yes, of course you can. Sorry it took a minute there-” He muttered, quickly digging through his bag and pulling out his phone. “Right then, quick quick before you miss your bus-” 

“It’s okay,” You mumbled quickly, steering him away from the growing bus line so you could plug in his number. You did it painfully slowly, double checking each number and going over the series at least 5 times. By the time you finished exaggerating and actually putting the number into your contacts, Steven was tapping his foot anxiously on the ground as he watched the last person board the bus.  “You have to hurry it’s going to close, love,” You looked up and glanced at the bus. “Oh crap-” You quickly fumbled to put your phone away and return his, but by the time you took a step towards the bus, it dinged and the door closed as it slowly started back up to drive away.  "Shit,” Steven tugged at his curls. “Oh god love, I’m really sorry- maybe if we run we could catch its next stop?” Didn’t people always say make the best out of a bad situation? The bus is gone, another won’t be coming for probably another half hour, and you were not running. 

But maybe…maybe this was a good thing? 

You shrugged, trying to sound as upset as you could possibly gather, but even to your own ears it sounded fake. “Oh no….the bus is gone. This is horrible. What do I do now?”  Steven started to say something, but then stopped, frowning a little, before his eyes widened and a smile grew across his face. “Hang on-” He stepped closer to you, his eyes glittered with humour. “You planned that, didn't you?” You gasped. “What? Me? Why would I ever want to miss my bus?”  “Hmm….” He tapped a finger to his chin, thinking loudly. He leaned down then his face barely inches away from your face. “Maybe because you wanted to spend more time with me?” He has no right being cute and nervous one second and then sexy  and all mischief the next.  Your eyes widened, you felt your skin heat and your cheeks flush pink with how close he was. His eyes looked even prettier up close, and his lips looked so kissable.  “Really?” You managed to breathe out. “You think I’m that captivated by you?” He shrugged. “Maybe.” He paused, biting his lower lip. 

Fuck. 

“Are you? Captivated by me?” He asked.  “Hmm. Let’s see…I think your nerdiness and awkward attitude and shy personality has definitely captivated me, Mr. Grant,”  His face explodes into a bright and beautiful smile. “Really? So if I asked to go on a walk right now, you’d say yes?” I hum, pretending to think it over. “I think…yes, I would absolutely say yes,” The look on his face made it seem as if he just experienced heaven. Your heart fluttered, and you knew then that you’d never ever get tired of seeing him this happy. “Brilliant. Great, alright then um..” He stood up straight again, looking around. “Let’s go?” 

You smiled, gesturing to the roads bustling with people. “Lead the way,” 

[transgenderer]

i think i need to figure out some way to make peace with lives poorly lived. like. in a zen way. how do you deal with all the lives poorly lived (possibly your own!). its the saddest thing! its not even beautiful! if it was beautiful it would be bearable, yknow? like there are lives that are tragic but were....lived well, yknow? that dealt with their limitations well, or suffered beautifully, dramatically, passionately. but a lot don't. it would be comforting if reincarnation was real... but like, it would have to be real in a stronger sense than is evidenced, like there would have to be some nonzero continuity. maybe you can imagine that you're just "one run" that a larger self has. that there's an entity that keeps all these memories, even better than you kept them. that the particular long-soul inhabiting your body determines some of its traits, and you'll be giving some interesting new knowledge to that entity. but well...that softens the blow of those poorly-lived-lives, i guess, but then it's like...some cosmic entity just wasted 80 years. is that better? i guess. idk, it doesnt feel like that entity is the same as the short-soul that was actually embodied on earth

idk man. the dan olson video on james rolfe is bumming me out. someone who wants so bad to be an artist, but refused to ever grow out of his childhood play...

[forgottenroisin]

OOC | Malconaire Names

ok so now that we've got the parents named, i went on a lil [ name meaning ] spree and looked up all our kids! and i love how these all like...fit but in an unexpected way!!

Macdara -- son of oak

Sorcha -- radiant/bright, lady/princess/noblewoman, clear/bright/famous

Eithne — kernel, grain/little fire

Brigit — exulted one

Aoife — beauty/to breathe, to live

Roisin — little rose/little famous type/kind

while im at it...imma hit up the ~vasilieva!malconaires, too!

Valentina -- strong/vigorous/healthy/fertile

Cassimir -- DESTROYER OF WORLDS lkdfjksdaljfjld...anyyyywayyyy (literally it means 'to destroy peace/the world')

Sonya -- little wisdom/little lover of knowledge

i was gonna do a lil chatting/meta abt how this fits rosie but im too laskdjflksdjfkdsf about cassimir's name!!!! valentina whatre you doing alksjdfkljsdf i know she dreamed of having a son her whole life so there's no way she didn't know what his name meant and alksdjflkjsdkfjlsdf ngl i always assumed he was named for some famous king they're like ~vaguely related to or smth like that, but still like alkjsdflkjdsjkfjkdsf OMGGGGGG OBLITERATOR OF PEACE -- its legit like naming ur kid 'ruiner' like someone put this innocent newborn she'd carried for nine months in her arms and she was like 'THIS is the only name for him' laksdjfkljdsjfjkdsf kernal/grain/little fire that's basically like naming ur kid 'hope' like....

HOPE x RUINER = NOTP for her w/ valentina truly be like 'yknow the kid in this pairing whose parents really messed them up???? EITHNE' kaljsdfkljdjslfjkdsf SCREAM

rosie's meta's gonna have to wait...god, i really shoulda put this on @forgottenvalentina -- i didn't knowwwwww until it was too late alksjdfklsdjf

[blusthings]

[Religion trauma | Religion stigma | sexuality vent below]

I can't express what goes on in my head. When the world views my Religion as barbaric, backwards and uncivilised, i get so upset. And when my Religion views my identity wrong, i also get upset. I always think, what does that make me? I can't exist in two separate universes, but I can't leave either.

I truly question how I'll go forward like this. Islam is beautiful in its nature, but it keeps getting tainted by twisted thoughts of men in power, and I feel everyone thinks I'm oppressed or something.

I truly am not. I'm not brainwashed, I'm not in a cult or something. Islam is why I am the way I am, yknow? And in the same perspective, being queer is the reason I am the way I am, too.

But I feel like these days when you tell someone "I'm muslim" they kinda get their red flags going for them. And god forbid I tell any Muslim that I'm queer.

All I really want is peace of mind. To be comfortable in my own skin. And feel like I belong somewhere. With a community thats accepting and friendly. But I don't find it in either worlds, not entirely. But then again, you can't have everything can you?

I feel isolated from both communities. Somehow I float in between, and it all adds to the sense of loneliness.

[mwagneto]

I’m a bit afraid of the upcoming two-parter finale of Doctor Who, mainly because of the circulating TV show theory and a horrifying thought I had the other day concerning this theory. … What if this theory is partly true, and the entirety of season 1 was indeed a TV show, and therefore not real maybe. Which would be the worst possible outcome I think, given that people in general hate the “it was all just a dream”/ “it didn’t really happen”-trope. But if we take this outcome into consideration I was wondering, when did the “TV show” / the “performance” start? Since when is it all fake so to speak? Because one could argue that the ending Fourteen got, is way too happy. He got his own TARDIS by very ridiculous/ implausible means. He got his own family. Everyone is happy. It is the “and they lived happily ever after”- ending you only see in fairy tales or very sappy TV shows. So my horrifying thought was, what if the “performance” started right after they defeated the Toymaker and Fourteen’s happy ending isn’t real at all!?

YEAHH i thought about that too, especially since i saw someone mention that "maybe the 'show' started in wby" in a post i'll never find

i think it is a logical conclusion to jump to since that IS 100% where the turning point was, the superstition is invoked, the salt is thrown, bam. the entire universe tilts on its axis. but i realllly really don't think that's the case?

i'll put the rest under the cut coz it got too long + i tried adding paragraphs to make it more readable so sorry if it feels janky

ok so admittedly my reasons for thinking whatever is going on now is definitely post 14 ending is because, like you and the above mentioned post says, anything major starting in wby would make the giggle a part of the whole thing and undo 14s happy ending + make 14 at least somewhat part of the story which. is definitely not something they'd do. or i sure hope they won't!

like rtd said 14 was never coming back and like yeah showrunners lie but i think even he knows how much bringing 14 back for a main show appearance would suck ASSSS like while i don't think having 14 bigenerate really stole 15's thunder the way ppl are saying (and i get why those people are mad too, i disagree but i understand), having 14 come back in any way whatsoever would just be really bad both because

he already got his happy ending, he got a beautiful last scene, his and by extension 10's story got an incredible sendoff that i still can't fully talk about coz of how crazy it is but like. you get it. and to have him just... come back after that would be really weird? like?? yknow??? that's him done. bringing him back at all would kinda.. not just cheapen it but make the finality of his happiness feel like it's not that secure or peaceful after all. and

having 14, the guy created specifically to bring in more viewers after everyone gave up during 13 era almost leading to the show getting cancelled, a guy whose MAIN REASON for existing is because they knew he'd be incredibly popular, be relevant to 15's story would just. be bad. like again i don't think the bigeneration itself was disrespectful to 15 or stole anything from him but that is IT. 14 cannot come back again, he did his job (nostalgiabaiting audiences + bringing people back in + letting rtd have a beautiful little playground sesh with his old era) and it slapped but he got his time and his ending and i think slash hope rtd knows this and won't do anything to mess with it.

okay sorry that got so fkin long i didnt mean to. ANYWAY. ONTO THE ACTUAL THEORY geez..

SO. wrt the season/episodes being part of a tv show and my general view on tv show theory: like. yeah like you said people generally dislike the ohh it was all a dream twist, and the longer the stretch of time that turns out to have not been real gets, the more annoying the twist is, which i'm 100% sure rtd as a showrunning veteran is very very aware of, so i really don't think they'll do anything as insane as having the ENTIRE thing turn out to have not been real

like i thinnnnnnnnk if it is a tv show then everything we've seen will have been real as in like. it wasn't just the doctor trapped in goo forced to experience fictional people that don't exist and have no consequence once he wakes up

i also think if the tv show theory IS true in some way, then the doctor is definitely aware of it at least to some degree, hell half the evidence we have for it literally comes from things he himself does (and that applies in a broader sense too, even if it's not a tv show or something, he still seems at least partially aware of Something, especially in the devil's chord (which also directly ties into the giggle and references a lot of things) although hints and little moments have steadily declined since then, that was definitely the peak of the theorisable moments era)

so like, tldr of everything i said so far: i dont think 14 is coming back and i don't think they'll make the entire season turn out to have been fake, but im basing both of these solely on the fact that these choices would be really really really bad and i don't think they should happen

as for what i think IS going on: i feel like i can't fully be objective because i really want the tv show hints to go somewhere so i feel like a lot of me believing it comes from wanting to believe it and not actual evidence, but yeah i think it definitely ties into tv in some way

again i don't think they'll be like ohh the entire thing was fiction and none of these people were real so none of it meant anything, i think if it really is some weird non-reality then they'll still do it in a way that makes the real world relevant

but like, as demonstrated above, when it comes to overarching plots i think i'm generally better at predicting what WON'T happen than what will, like idk i can guess the murderer 1 minute into any detective thing but when it comes to guessing stories i can get kinda lost. like idk i notice all the hints and then some but without an obvious thing to point to that ties it all together i can never really make up the larger story of what's going down (unlike with, say, murder mysteries, where you already know all the suspects at the beginning) yknow ?? i hope that makes sense 😭

that and i always feel like making up specific theories means whatever i think will happen definitely WON'T happen so yeah basically i have no idea what is actually going on but i really really love speculating, and i'm not really afraid of any of the negative outcomes you and a lot of other people mentioned, like yea it IS possible and it would be really bad but i don't think they'd do it exactly because it would be really bad. but we'll see i guess...

for now i'm not worried and pretty excited and very very hopeful coz i LOOOOOVE how intricately built this whole season is like oh my goddd yessss hints mysteries secrets foreshadowing haha YESSSSSS HAHAAAAA!!!

one thing tho. that i forgot to consider for this whole essay until i was already typing the ending. is that the whole thing starting in wby with the salt seems likely but hopefully isn't the case HOWEVER. susan twist literally appears in wby well before the salt thing .. which is definitely something to keep in mind. what does it mean? i don't know ❤️ i think whatever her deal is isn't related or at least is only vaguely related to the whole superstition/fantasy thing BUT if it is a tv show and she plays a part in the tv show theory then her being in the episode where the entire genre of the show changed is rly interesting

[bisexualfagdyke]

What do you think jeanee dynamic would be like in a world where jean wasn't sold to the moriyamas? Idc that they probably never would have met but i care if u think their dynamic would be different if he was significantly less traumatized (totally not an overcomplicated ploy to fish for fluffy trauma-free jeanee headcanons)

WELL. Firstly this will probably be romantic in nature bcuz I am simply a girlie who loves bi4bi jeanee and I know u dont ship them but YKNOW!!!

Hmm. This is not something I've ever thought about, honestly. There's just soooo many things to consider. Would he go to school, make friends there? What would his life look like? His trauma from the raven's has probably fundamentally shaped a large portion of his personality because of how severe and constant it was. It's so genuinely hard for me to consider what he would be like as a person if he was never sold to the Moriyama's.

But I can just ALWAYS see him being a gentle person, and I can see him working well with Renee no matter the circumstances. If she had met him when things weren't how they were in canon, if he didn't have so so much to work through, I can imagine them having a very simple and easy romantic relationship. I can see them having such a peaceful, beautiful life together. But it's also like, I do believe he latched onto Renee and fell for her partly because she was one of the first people to show him care and kindness.... she literally saved his LIFE and that shapes a lot of their relationship, shapes how important she is to Jean. And I think Renee understands people like Jean and Andrew specifically because of what all of them have gone through. She understands misunderstood people who struggle with trauma and mental health problems.

Regardless, I would give anything for Elodie to be alive and to see Jean grow up with her. I imagine Renee would get along so well with Elodie too :,) and she would totally admire how gentle and loving Jean is towards his sister. And Elodie would ADORE Renee for sure. Imagine Jean and Renee just being "best friends" at the start, but Elodie pestering Jean to make a move on Renee bcuz she loves Renee so much and wants Renee to be part of their family.

I can also see Jean just being such a WifeGuy. Like absolutely obsessed w his beautiful gf wifey Renee. Like totally cooking beautiful meals for her, over-the-top romantic ass date nights, buying her gifts constantly, and just being sooooo smitten over her and so in love and malewife. Where's that one meme of that guy on ambien reddit like "my wife is soft nd I liek her" THAT IS LITERALLY JEAN ABT RENEE BUT instead its like "my wife is so Strong and she could beat me up and Kill me in a fight. I lov e her :)" . Also Renee big spoon btw if u even care. Jean is literally her soggy little cat . Also like.... they could soooooooo be transfem4transfem in my eyes?!? Trasfem bi butch Jean, transfem bi futch Renee 🤝 they're like bisexual yuri

[th3-st0ryt3ll3r]

Reunion

Moss sat happily in her cottage, watching the story from her house in the beyond, She saw her loved ones and friends having their happy endings, she sipped her hot chocolate, humming and rocking in her rocking chair, it was all so lovely and peaceful, suddenly there was a knock on the door. Moss set down her hot chocolate on the table, she hadn't been warned by the writer about any visitors from the story, and no one she knew was currently asleep, so who could it be? She walked over to the door and her shacky hand hovered near the handle, what if it was an unsavoury or evil character the writer accidentally let in, or her kid? Gods, how would she explain to star that the mommy she grew up with wouldn't ever come home?! she went back and checked the portal to the story again, star was awake, so it wasn't her....

The knocking came again, Moss began to sweat and back away from the door, the knocking wasn't harsh but she recognised from somewhere, she checked again that everyone she knew couldn't possibly be here, and sure enough, no one was asleep. What cruel twist of fate could be behind the door? What- then Moss remembered, she wasn't in the story, she was free, the writer controls who enters this plane of exsistence, so its gonna be ok... the knocking came again, and there was a yell from behind it that froze Moss in her tracks.

"Sissy! Sissy! Open the door!" The excited childs voice rung in her ears, tears formed in moss's eyes, she couldn't move or make any sort of noise.

"Poppy, calm down, your sister is probably overwhelmed..." another voice said "Moss, Darling, are you in there?" The older, softer Said through the door, moss looked at the door, still frozen in place, shaking, tears falling silently, she wanted to yell, to run and open the door, to just do SOMETHING.

Then the third voice came "Hey... little leaf, it's ok, you are ok, we can wait!" The calming voice throught the door, moss tried to calm down but her head was swirling, her eyes blurry from tears, she managed to stagger over to the door, with a shaking hand she unlocked it and turned the handle, her legs shaking, as the door opened she lost her balance and fell...

right into the arms of her mother, who helped her to her feet, only to be knocked over again by the little girl running and hugging her. "SISSY!!!!!" She screamed as she wrapped her arms around moss, moss began to fall again but was caught in a hug by a girl who looked 17, wearing green "hey little leaf, good to see you..."

Moss sobbed as all three hugged her. A family Reunited. Moss couldn't speak, she was so overwhelmed, after she had calmed down slightly, she began to speak in a shaky voice "Poppy... Daisy... mom... you are here!!! You all havent aged a day!" Moss says as she turns to the little girl. "Poppy, my little sister...oh i have missed you, little sheep..." moss kisses Poppy's forehead before she turns to the teenager "Daisy, big sis, I missed you so much... wait, if you haven't aged, does that make me the older sister?" She smiles. Daisy smiles and shrugs "guess so, little leaf"

"hey sissy! You promised that one day that we could have a cat!" Poppy says, remembering, she was right, moss had promised Poppy on her deathbed that she'd have a cat someday and they'd live free under the stars among the flowers, and have a happily ever after. "Poppy! Give your sister a break!" Moss's mother (Rose) says to Poppy. "Would you all like to come have some cake?" Moss smiles.

a few months later, the three sisters and their mum lie down in a flower meadow, talking about their favourite stories and how beautiful the stars are. There's a purring next to Poppy as the ginger furball curls up next to her, Daisy and rose lie either side of moss. "Yknow, everyone got their final wish, Poppy got her cat, you avenged me and carried on for mum.... did you have a final wish, Moss?" Daisy turns her head to look at moss.

"yknow, I did actually." Moss smiles

"what was it?" Daisy turns her head back as everyone looks at the sky, it's filled with sparkling stars, moss takes a deep breath before smiling.

"to be happy."

[emptykhr]

Twisted wonderland as lana del rey songs

Riddle ( Wildflower Wildfire)

im sorry but THIS SONG ITS SO HIM honestly is most because him relatioship with his mother

the part where lana sang about her mother in the hospital. SO HIM

either, all the stuff about flowers warm and things like that remind of him!!

Here's the deal My father never stepped in when his wife would rage at me So I ended up awkward, but sweet Later then, hospitals, stand still on my feet Comfortably numb, but with lithium came poetry

Trey (Chemtrails over the country club)

So, trey and cottc, the same vibe.

yknow, all the peace and normal life stuff in the lyrics reminds me trey plot

im truly can see trey playing this song with his wife in a beutiful afternoon.

Washing my hair, doing my laundry Late night TV, I want you only Like when we were kids Under chemtrails in country clubs It's never too late, baby So don't give up

Cater (beautiful people, beutiful problems)

I gonna be honest, lust for life its so cater vibes!!

i confess that was hard to think in a song who matche cater plot, cause i wanna something kinda pop bu it still about him second face

The i just came bpbp.

We get so tired and we complain 'Bout how it's hard to live It's more than just a video game

Ace (Diet mountain dew)

Ace has to be born to die and i fight with u if you disagree.

BABY YOU NOT GOOD FOR ME

to be honestly this song is how i feel about ace

Diet Mountain Dew, baby, New York City Never was there ever a girl so pretty Do you think we'll be in love forever? Do you think we'll be in love?

Deuce (How to disappear)

WAIT I CAN EXPLAIN

well, in the lyrics lana sang abou that guy who lost in himself and fight every night

and we know that deuce is a ex deliquent

and idk, this song is sweet like deuce mas match with him a lot

just read the lyric and you will understand

Joe met me down at the training yard Got cuts on his face 'cause he fought too hard I know he's in over his head But I love that man like nobody can He moves mountains and pounds them to ground again I watched the guys getting high as they fight For the things that they hold dear To forget the things they fear

Leona (Norman fucking rockwell)

OMG FINALLY

guys, nfr its SO LEONA

the part where "goddam man child' yknow? period.

You guys can say "but leona is more ultraviolence" MY ASS

nfr king i said so its true.

Goddamn, man-child You fucked me so good that I almost said: I love you You're fun, and you're wild But you don't know the half of the shit that you put me through Your poetry's bad, and you blame the news But I can't change that, and I can't change your mood Ah-ah

Ruggie (god know i tried)

Now we have a honeymoon dude!!!

nothing to say, the song say itself

i even need to explain?

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning To red, blue and yellow lights On Monday, they destroyed me But by Friday, I'm revived

Jack (wild ate heart)

Jack my baby.

this song. jack. the same.

its just what how a imagine jack

I left Calabasas, escaped all the ashes Ran into the dark And it made me wild, wild, wild at heart The cameras have flashes, they cause the car crashes But I'm not a star

Azul (money power glory)

I kinda always think in azul when mpg starts to play.

could be million dollar man tho but mpg is better

the chore is him.

I want money, power and glory I want money, and all your power, all your glory Alleluia! I wanna take you for all that you got Alleluia! I'm gonna take them for all that they got

Jade (old money)

omg my ultraviolence guy is here!!!

he SO lana del rey vinyl

old money makes my cry everytime

My father's love was always strong My mother's glamour lives on and on Yet still inside, I felt alone For reasons unknown to me

flyod (doin time)

I LOVE HOW FLOYD HAS THE SAME VIBE WITH THE DOIN TIM GURL

fuck even THE SAME MBTI

yeah he´s a bitch and we love it!!

Evil, I've come to tell you that she's evil, most definitely Evil, ornery, scandalous and evil, most definitely The tension, it's getting hotter I'd like to hold her head underwater (Summertime) (Ah, ah, ah)

so, english its not my first language so you probably will found mistakes. maybe i do a second part

[sparrow-in-boots]

this is my Bill Miles rant.

this is it. this is what you're about to read, yipee hurray! i'm about to rawdog this pustule of a man on a table, and i'm dissecting why he's such a tentative yet counterproductive evolutionary reaction to a shitty situation that ends up causing more problems than it fixes. yknow, like a pustule.

this is gonna be long and rough (honestly the innuendos just write themselves don't they), about 3.7k words long to be precise. this thing needed headings ffs. so take your time with it is what i’m saying xvx

also if you haven't already, I'd recommend checking out my previous Daniel and Lucy posts for further context as i'll bring back stuff from them in here. call it a series what the heck.

now, onto the Billiam

I could do a whole thing here where i explain and contextualize where he's coming from, and how the way he's worked for the brotherhood and later raised his son ultimately made sense from his point of view, etc etc. but i think we're all familiar with that exercise. 'Understandable' doesn't make it right or even smart, and anyone with some understanding of generational trauma and dealing with an emotionally stunted parent already knows the drill here. I'm not gonna break any new ground delving into it so i won't bother. We got bigger fish to fry here.

I will establish though, Bill is a man of action, few words and even fewer expression of emotions. I can draw a direct parallel to the Levantine brotherhood and their strict hierarchy and the ultimate authority of their grandmaster. Not mentor mind you, that's a title for later in the brotherhood's history. Al Mualim is the master, the leader, the head of the order, and his word is law and the tenets and maxim are sacred. If he tells you you should die for his will, then you will do it and gladly, because you're serving the brotherhood's higher purpose. I'm not here to argue the morals and ethics of that, just saying it like it is.

Bill may not be as strict as all that, in fact he's very much not and he couldn't if he tried (and i gotta say, i don't think he would try), but he certainly reflects that resolute certainty in the brotherhood's beliefs and what is needed to face their enemy. The templars are everywhere, they have their grasp in everything, and so you must be willing to give everything to push them back.

In his eyes, all the hardships that he put Desmond through in his youth were necessities. For the brotherhood, they are at war, and as such he saw it as an act of love and care to prepare Desmond for the worst. But he was so lost in a world of casualties and soldiers that he forgets all too often that people are, people.

Soldiers are human beings first and foremost, and to strip them of humanity may be argued as a necessity of war but it strips the brotherhood of its most fundamental goals. Human lives, human worth, humanity itself, are worth preserving and protecting in all its forms, that's the freedom they fight for. It's messy and complicated but it's beautiful and it's to be celebrated, not suppressed. To deny humanity for the sake of neat and clean order and hierarchy is what the templars want, and you can't fight that by becoming it. You fight it by opposing it. That's why Al Mualim turned, and that's why Altair had to kill him and rework the brotherhood from the ground up, even if he hadn't been twisted by the Apple. And that's why I wanna draw out the parallel between Al Mualim to Bill first.

BILL HAD A FARM EEAH EEAH YOH

In AC1 we're served a narrative that the templars and the brotherhood are not so different and they both want the same thing, "peace, in all things", but they have opposing views on how to achieve it and that's where their conflcit lies. Simple enough premise, and they do a pretty good job of showing how those two militaristic orders view the world and how to achieve their goals, and in what form those orders now exist in the modern world. Back then it made sense for the Farm to be an isolationist cult, it was a perfect mirror for the isolated Masyaf fortress and their secretive nature, but as the narrative developed in the next games, that contextualization just grew more and more flawed. The brotherhood had grown, branched out, coexisted in various time periods and cultural contexts, and it no longer made sense for them to be a remote cultish commune in the middle of nowhere.

Which leads me to believe that it was pretty much Bill's idea from the start. If you'll allow me to extrapolate some character beats, it's no secret that he's got a deep respect for the brotherhood, and I'd assume that includes Altair and Ezio given how their mentorship stirred the entire brotherhood into new eras. They are legendary figures in their history, they got statues of them in the brotherhood headquarters, it's really not subtle.

As such, one can see him trying his best to lean on their teachings, if not try to emulate them a bit. He's secretive, resolute, stubborn, all qualities we see of Altair and Ezio in the Animus and were likely exagerated over the centuries. In The Fall (comic), we see that the brotherhood had a whole secret library worth of knowledge before it was ransacked during the Great Purge, and it's not too far to assume that Bill spent some time digging through those archives in his youth. He was born in the brotherhood after all.

Grueling training, blind trust in your betters and the creed, secretiveness, emotional distance. All things we see in both the Farm and the Levantine brotherhood, a holdover from the smaller scope of AC1 that leads me to think this was a bit of Bill's bout of hero worshipping to maybe recreate the conditions that created the assassins of old. We don't know what the rest of the brotherhood thought of the Farm exactly, i can't find or recall any particular bit of lore that addresses it except from an outside perspective; all we get is Desmond's own comments on his experience based on his memories in ACR. Even when he speaks of it to others, they give no opinion of their own on the matter.

Bill might be so focused on the environment that created an assassin like Altair, that he forgets that the man then went over to rework the brotherhood to keep what happened to him from happening again. He fostered curiosity and understanding in his order, leading to many changes that carried on through the ages to the modern day. It was Altair learning to question and doubt his master, the man he'd follow blindly and without question once, that led to the survival and growth of the order. In fact, Altair puts his trust blindly in his assassins to protect him when he goes to confront Abbas, to keep him safe and help restore the order once again. Not the other way around. And when he saw that same curiosity and doubts in his son, he sought to stamp it out instead of seeing it for what it was.

Desmond left not just because he was terrified (his words not mine) of the training, the harshness, and the bland food. If we're being honest, he's found that in spades in the outside world too. No, he left because the Farm asked for blind trust and respect that was not shown to him in return. When he asked questions, they ignored or waved him away, and so as they dismissed his interest in truly understanding what was being taught, he gave them the same.

I'll give credit where it's due, he does apologize and offers a truce to Desmond. Grated, he doesn't get much of a chance to show how much he's changed exactly, especially in the minutiae of daily life with the team, and it's a rather wishy-washy apology overall. But it's something and more than most people get in real life. Desmond is gracious enough to take it and even does his best to give him a chance, which is more than most anyone would, and that says more about him than Bill.

Regardless, I want to chalk up this apology as rushed writing rather than Bill being actively manipulative by saying what Desmond would like to hear. I don't want to give the writers credit for writing some 4D chess mind game powers onto him. I'm not even a fan of the "two Bills on Lucy's emails" thing, that's just poor retcon to fit the "Lucy is a templar" plotline.

the tangent - YOU GOT MAIL

Speaking of, i wanna get into that for a moment. As far as i could dig up, we had no confirmation of why Lucy had to die besides fan theories, and then the ACR dlc dropped. It was further commented on AC3 and most importantly, several retcons that included Lucy being a sneaky templar were released in the Initiates web project. That included much of the Project Siren lore, reactions to her death among the templars, her leaving the memory core for Vidic's goons to find, and of course the retcon that she was in contact with two separate Williams. All this to say, we can't say for sure if the writers knew how they wanted to handle her cliffhanger death in ACB even when ACB itself came out. So this?

That was meant to be our introduction to Bill's character. Those are the words of a man who sent a 16yo girl into the world to fully fend for herself on her own against a corporation so powerful it's almost impossible to comprehend. And now that she's back among the community that dropped her into such a grueling situation, this is his reaction to her showing care and concern for another human being, who by the way is his own son?? Holding up all that she's suffered through over her head like compassion would invalidate all that?? I sincerely lack the words.

Well, actually Desmond said it best.

Right then, Bill really isn't better than them. He's just another cold calculating asshole who's so set on a nebulous future victory that he refuses to see the lives he's trampling on to get there. He's done it to Lucy, to Clay, to Desmond, and even to Shaun and Rebecca to an extent, and they are just the ones we know of. The Great Purge is no excuse for this behavior, that's not the time to grow apart, but closer and show sympathy and kindness to his fellow assassins. Some distant war general figure moving faceless pieces on the board is the last thing they want right then, or might even need.

We can see in this one email just how dire the situation is with how Rebecca even refuses to put a subject on the email. Opening up and being vulnerable is something to be done in quiet and secret, almost like it's a burden to show how much things are affecting you, and that's so messed up. Even in the army, you can see gallows humor and dark jokes to cope with the horrors soldiers go through, but we don't even get that amongst the team. When you approach Lucy as Desmond, it's often him showing her kindness and comfort and reassuring her through her doubts and fears, and she doesn't hesitate to share them with him and I think it has a lot to do with how they are both apart from Bill's influence. Lucy has her own cans of worms to deal with, but between her and Desmond, there's a measure of closeness and trust you don't see with the others.

I know, your boss is not exactly the person you might want to pour your heart out to, but come on! How powerful and rallying would it be to see your leader across the room and feel comfortable and safe enough to just sit together and talk?? It can't be overstated how much it matters that any movement that places itself against the current system must prove itself as... different from that system. It's the literal bare minimum here. If you say you care about humanity but you won't care for the humanity of your members, then... what are you even doing?

tangent done - BACK TO THE BIG PICTURE

I wanna take a quick step back for a bit. AC3 portrays Bill as a man who sees his actions as justified, who sees that his ends justify the means. It leads us down a doomed horseshoe theory that coupled with the deeply complicated historical time in the ancestral plotline, makes for a very murky and confusing narrative. The more you look at it, the less clear or discernible the themes get. It raises a lot of complex points but never closes or even shows where they are going with them.

Now, horseshoe theory is an erroneous concept that has been critiqued to hell and back, and to use it as a way to tie the modern and ancestral timelines in an attempt to create a "'we're all the same" theme is... the worst possible way to go about it. Doubly so when it’s often appropriated by right-wing pundits to vilify their political opponents. You can't make the protagonists ponder on how to hold hands and sing kumbaya with a death cult to avoid Armageddon while the writers are going "bUt ThEy ArE bAd ToO" because of one guy (who you're also attempting to redeem) who deems the inherent human need for connection as "being too weak". Even that is enough of a mess, but add to it the whole deconstruction of the war of independence and the sheer horror that the colonies were for the indigenous people back then and all the way up to this day... Where are the writers even going here??

We get more conversations about how allying with the templars is not a possibility than any proper address on Lucy or the entire situation that led to her turning, much less who's to blame, how can they avoid this in the future, how the protagonists even feel about all this. Just excuses for why it had to happen, there was no other way, let’s move along now, nothing to see here. In AC2 and ACB we got some neat and tidy convos that made sense to be bite-sized, concise little bits of characterization and presenting themes and concepts for the worldbuilding. But in AC3, we get convos that could have been entire cutscenes, whole dialogues amongst the characters to reckon with all that's been happening. Instead we waste cutscene time with fucking Juno and the Isu failed attempts that don't fucking matter to the story they should be focused on telling.

Which is why I want to talk about Haytham.

THE HUMAN PROBLEM

I bring him up because AC3 clearly wants to parallel his and Connor's relationship with Bill's and Desmond's. Which, personally i think it gives off the feeling that it's supposed to be a "hey it could be worse" at Desmond. I think we can agree that's a sucky attitude to have towards anyone who's suffered family trauma like Desmond did, and it also kind of diminishes the weight of the colonial era storyline. But since the game wants to talk about it, then let's talk about it.

Haytham is one more indoctrinated assassin-to-templar character, which is it's own mirror to Daniel and Lucy, but this is not about them. Haytham is cold, pragmatic, relentless and so calculating. He was warmer and kinder when he was younger, even a rather gray character, but all that is lost the longer he spends as the templar grandmaster. He did care for Connor in his own way and wanted to bring him to their side if only so that he wouldn't have to kill him, but if it came to it, he would have as we see in the game multiple times.

And as far as the game is concerned, that's also Bill. They are both two men who got worn down into their respective roles and lost sight of what's truly important. Except, we don't know that. We see it with Haytham plain as day in the prologue, but we don't know how Bill was in his younger years. We know about a few missions he took that involved the Animus project, but besides that we don't know what kind of man or even child he was. We don't even know what his dynamic with other people is, how he is with his wife, does he have family? Siblings, parents, cousins, anything? Does he even care? What about friends and colleagues? Hell, we don't even know what he's like in action, the Cairo mission happens off-screen and Desmond handles their escape with the Apple. All we see of him in AC3 is how he's an emotionally stunted bossy guy, and anything else is told, never shown.

Haytham however, gets a prologue and several missions in-game, and even a whole side novel from his point of view.

As such, I'm reluctant to extrapolate the kind of man Bill is based off of Haytham alone, because again they not only exist in very different times and contexts, but there's a severe imbalance in screentime. What I can do however, is compare their "ending" as it were.

Haytham dies by the hands of his own son. He had the chance to put his ego aside and listen to his son, maybe put his cards on the table and explain the misunderstanding about the attack on Connor's village, but he didn't. He decided to hold that information until it was the most convenient to him, and then try to use it to manipulate Connor into switching sides. He refused to put aside the grandmaster role and step up as a father, or even as a man who cared about someone else's feelings. Whatever his feelings for Ziio and his son, they came second to the templars and their goals, and that was his death sentence. To his dying breath, he held true to that mentality.

Bill however, despite apologizing, hasn't shown much of the work to change. He and the brotherhood remains stagnant and withering, and in the face of the person he's hurt the most and is still alive to make amends to, he remains distant and reticent. All the efforts to connect and deepen whatever there is between them needs to come from Desmond, and every attempt to reach out to the outside gets shut down. It's Desmond refusing to give up on him that saves his ass even! Given the state of their relationship, that fucking SUCKS.

It shouldn't be up to Desmond to fix what Bill wrecked back at the Farm, and portraying otherwise, like Desmond is the one who messed everything up, is ass backwards. The brotherhood and Bill should be bending into knots to convince him to stay and that things aren't as they were once, but Desmond decided to stay long before. Because one the templars suck, two Desmond got the proof he always had asked for as a child and three, Lucy showed him kindness and understanding. One might even go so far as to say that it was living Altair's own rebirth period is what reassured those questions he had and gave him true understanding, but Lucy gave him hope in a hopeless situation.

That's powerful not just as a narrative point but as a theme for the assassins as a whole. The games continue to portray the brotherhood as a beacon of hope against the oppression and tyranny of the templars (even for the modern days through the glyph puzzles in AC2 and ACB) but Bill, the face of the brotherhood as the de-facto mentor, is himself as a tyrant.

One would expect AC3 to show him either follow Haytham's fate or change himself to avoid it, but we're denied that kind of development. Even in the Initiates web project and subsequent games, Bill's change is kind of handwaved. He lost the will to fight and vanished but then he saw the desecration of his son he barely showed to give much of a shit for, and now he's back and Mentor again? He's awkward and trying to be approachable in Origins but he's still rather overconfident and posturing too much for his own good.

(I mean, sitting within range of Layla's blade before she's even out of the Animus? Bold fucker.)

If they truly wanted to grapple with Bill and his place and role in the story they spun us, which I assume they do since he's the one who does the intro to the AC3 game, then they should have DONE THAT. Make him face the consequences of his choices and actions, and make the team hold him responsible for it. Make him soften and change, not just give us a pitiable hug and a meek little "Son..." just before Desmond sacrifices himself. Seriously, what gives?

One of the biggest failures in AC3 is their horrid sense of narrative prioritizing with the modern timeline. They tried to close too many threads at once with not nearly enough screentime, and wasted time on needless fluff. But most importantly, I think that the games after ACB have a human problem, in that they refuse to acknowledge the humanity in the modern timeline.

Bill could have been an incredible display of change, that the templars aren't the superior mentality that can turn anyone who spends long enough around them like some brain-corroding virus. Show that the brotherhood still has a chance and that no one is above humbling themselves or beyond bettering themselves, and most of all that the brotherhood can indeed bring hope in a hopeless situation, and community and understanding can make a difference. And since they are so touchy about murder all of a sudden, also show that the assassins are capable of doing more than just killing people.

But we don’t. We don’t get any of that. We’re once again denied of any development that would make any kind of statement that would shift the status quo and make them pay attention to the modern timeline and what they’re doing with it. And worst of all, we're denied any development that would bring us closer emotionally to these characters and make us ponder our place in the world and in history. Cus god forbid the series that has “history as its playground” learn anything from it.

[sassmar]

ten books to know me

ohhhh tysm for the tag molly @mblematic my beloved !! <3<3 this looks so fun except that now. you will all know what created my twisted brain ah well. alas!

the outsiders by s.e. hinton haha had to start with this one! read the outsiders for the first time at like 11/12 yrs old and it was truly truly formative! PONYBOY! SODAPOP! johnny and dally!! also it's quite gay.

a separate peace by john knowles continuing with the themes of male friendship, homoerotic subtext, and books i read in middle school that fundamentally altered my brain chemistry and turned me into the freak i am today or whatever.

lord of the flies by william golding look i know the ~*~mOrAL*~*`! is arguably misanthropic/malthusian/whatever but also. forget about that. it is very gay thats all that matters. and it is ANOTHER book that i first read in middle school and then immediately reread like at least three more times bc it made me absolutely feral. also . . . . . . sucks to your assmar!!

stoner by john williams :) this one has nothing to do with weed (it is about sad academics) and also i did not read it until my twenties but. i did write like forty-five pages about why it is secretly gay! (also it is starkly beautiful and very heart-rending, i do love a book that digs around in my organs and squeezes mercilessly like a toddler playing with slime.)

the waves by virginia woolf finally a book that isnt gay JUST KIDDING it is in fact also a lil gay but mostly it's just fucking beautiful. possibly the most beautiful novel i've ever read idk, hard to say and its not a quick read but like. read it for the first time in high school and have returned to it a number of times since then and. her prose my GOD. its a novel but also a poem, just a very long love poem to .... everything ....

fun home by alison bechdel technically it's a gRapHiC nOvEL and i only read it for the first time about a year ago but. have reread it since and it continues to haunt me istg this memoir is STUNNING the most gorgeous graphic novel & most gorgeous memoir i have ever ever encountered. an actually brilliant piece of literature in every right. makes me sob. (also, yes, it is very gay.)

the heart is a lonely hunter by carson mccullers well i HAD to include carson mccullers on the list dear god!! also so formative...read this book for the first time in high school, have returned to it a number of times since. it is. truly beautiful !!!!!! what else can i say <3.

who's afraid of virginia woolf by edward albee this is in fact a PLAY (!!) also an amazing movie but. i have read the play many many times it is SO funny, SO smart, SO painful. who needs whips when you and yr partner are. mentally torturing each other for sport. another one i read for the first time as a teen so again.... rather formative.

lolita by vladimir nabokov all right well honestly i read this for the first time in high school and enjoyed it, especially part one, thought it was smart n funny n that part two was kinda all over the place but still yknow overall felt positively about it. BUT. gave it a reread last year and jesus CHRIST i was just like !! i missed SO much !! it is not only so goddamn beautiful but SO much more complex and brilliant than i ever picked up on as a teenager my god. the prose is like the most intricate beautiful renaissance painting and the plot is like the most infuriatingly complicated game of CHESS but. it's ?? the product of a genuinely brilliant mind ?? idek but i will probably read this book at least five more times before i die its just. wow.

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater HAHA copied you molly !!!!!! :) :) devil emoji etc. thought about choosing a book of poetry or just something else Literary but like, i recognize this list is already pretty full of Boring Classic Literature and such so i guess i can loosen my corset or whatever and say. these goddamn ya books. SPECIFICALLY the dream thieves (you are so right!) but also just the series generally jfc. i thought i hated ya but these books have changed me and everything i thought i knew about myself ....... maggie writes such poetic sentences...... "his exposed shoulder was raw and beautiful as a corpse" JESUS FUCKING !! only just read these like six months ago or something but they have utterly rewired my brain chemistry and maybe shifted the entire trajectory of my life so. i cannot. i cannot even. <3

oh shit i forgot to tag ppl um @billsfangearring @forlorngarden @shipsnsails @everythingbutcoldfire @colgatebluemintygel @perverse-idyll no pressure whatsoever xx

[meet-at-tycho]

ahem.

no i fucking adore them both like WOW.. their laughter, i remember? one time i joined call with them and they were laughing when i joined from a joke and. it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world like i nearly dropped dead on the spot. it feels embarrassing to love them so much? but i do i really do!!!! like SORRY.. i cant help it, ive never been happier alright the least i could do is express it. its.

IT IS EMBARRASSING THOUGH, whenever im lonely i just pretend theyre with me. when im downstairs i talk quietly, to myself but in my head im telling them what im thinking about and my opinion on which fnaf game is truly the best okay like. when i sleep at night i pretend we have a sleep over because i think thats so sweet!!! infected my mind like a fucking PLAGUE actual vermin alright. SICKENING

i KNOW its. i know its weird and probably unsettling honestly but. ITS JUST HOW I COPE OKAY theyre so far away from me, i dont know if ill ever get to see them, yknow? NO NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH MY BESTIES..... BREAK MY HEART its the worst. this is how i cope with that 😞 IDK like

MAN i could go on and on and ON about it, the way im constantly having fun? and even when nothings happening at all, im just happy to be there. happy to share the silence with them, happy to listen to what they have to say, hear about their days, their feelings ETC like

theyre the kind of people you feel like youve known yr whole life yknow? people who have just cemented themselves in yr life so certainly, people who are imbedded in my soul right. I KNOW IM BEING SAPPY but im allowed okay im SAD.. i see them in all the things i do, i mutter their words to myself, im literally constantly saying i miss them in the middle of conversations with my sibling, they get annoyed BUT I DO...

yknow whats funny? anytime i go downstairs with my other friends on call i completely forget which ITS JUST IN MY NATURE alright once i focus on something else im GONE okay im coming back 45 minutes later one of thems gone the other one is asleep like. OOPS.. i was analyzing fnaf to my sibling thats my bad. but with them? its at the top of my mind. cant stay and talk longer, need to go back upstairs they are waiting for me!!!

i think its cuz.. to me, every single moment is precious. admittedly i am still scared to lose them, its just.. instinct at this point. i want to remember every day i spend with them, every conversation and. GRRRRR. i love them so much 🥳🥳 THEY CALL ME CIRCUMBINARY THE WAY I BE ORBITING TWO PERFECT STARS like wow. OKAY...

arent i the luckiest guy in the world? to have not one, but TWO people who understand me so deeply, who go out of their way to know me, to spend time with me ? it makes me tear up when i think about it IM FUCKEDDD man its so over for me. ive always been an outcast, feel like i never fit anywhere but. i fit HERE, this is where i belong!!! thats how they make me feel every single day :]

knowing them has me seeing sunshine and rainbows for the first time in my entire life like. i worked fucking hard, i got myself out of hell but after that i was alone again... not anymore!!! happy.. im happy. all theyve had to do was be here and im more than content, all they had to do was EXIST!!!

stars align in the weirdest ways, but im glad they did 🥳🥳🥳 peace and love on the planet earf

[dballzposting]

I'm so thrilled for Mr Satan to have a friend becasue I dont think he even had any before. His wife died and he never remarried. He indulged in the cheap comfort of ephemeral floozies henceforth. His image is so importsnt that who honestly is close enough to see the real Mr Satan? Is there anyone he could trust to get that close? Did he even have poker buddies? I can imagine him sitting at a poker table with all of the world's biggest names, and inside he feels like hes gonna shit hinself, imposter syndrome to the max. But he has a silver tongue worth more than its weight in gold and he just knows exactly WHAT to say and WHEN to say it, and he must win a few rounds too. But it's stressful. It's fun, it's the only place he wants to be, it's the only mask he wants to wear, but it's the ultimate stress.

And he probably just would have lived his life that way. Hiding his vulnerable innards from others and hinself. Never being brave enough for authentic connection. But then the end of the world rolled around, and he was pressured to square off against Buu at Buu's new house. And I'll tell you, Mr Satan may not be too bright in the head, but when his body leads, he has survival instincts that rival that of Yajirobe; he knows exactly WHEN to back down and roll over, and all the ego-cockiness from before melts into nothing by exigence of survival. And he does not fight that impulse. This is why he is still alive. Otherwise, if he had held his ground as a warrior when his tricks failed, then Buu would have just killed him. But instead he rolled over and kept the ruse going, and that's why he never died.

And yknow they dont really become friends until peacetime comes, becasue yknow. When they first meet, Mr Satan plays the role of a dutiful servant and he is honestly still so scared of Majim Buu naturally. He still tries to blow him up, and he fails becasue he decides that he cannot blow up the beautiful scene that is Buu with the puppy, and that's him choosing love over war, and that's really profound for him. Perhaps only at this time of drama and crisis can Mr Satan's true nature come out and all that armoring of his image can melt away; inside, he loves love and values it as a moral good worth fighting for. But again right now he is still scared of Majin Buu, and Buu is still so unstable with his ethics.

YES Mr Satan gets into the bathtub with Buu and the dog. But it's only becasue hes walking on eggshells and is scared to upset Buu. He is still turning over in his head exactly what to do about all this and what to believe in. And then Buu tries to drown him in the tub. Like this really isnt the sort of friendship dynamic that youd want to see. But it's temporary and it's becasue the world is ending. During times of peace, you wouldnt want to see somebody go so far out of their way and at their own expense to defend what little/dubious goodness there is in someone so dangerous. But that's the way it is right now becasue the world is ending....

BUT that budding affection is really so important. It had Mr Satan try to fight Kid Buu later on. And I've said before that Mr Satan saw hinself in Majin Buu's childish innocence and enjoyment for life, and I maintain that. When Mr Satan was crying and begging for them to spare the good Buu after Kid Buu was gone, for once he didnt bow to his survival instinct to shrink and run away --- When Vegeta told him to get out of the way so that he could blow up Buu, Mr Satan was rattled by fear, but he hunkered down over Buu and did not flee. Just tensed against the inevitable. He wasnt particularly courageous. He was like a shaking shivering sobbing little tortured marsupial. But he didnt flee. He knew in his heart that this was the same as defending his own skin, becasue in Buu he had seen a glimpse of himself, and life without that would not be worth it.

I mean Mr Satan continues to live under the thumb of his own intense image, and he continues to reliably default onto his God-given gift of crowd-pleasing, BUT he has a friend now.

I mean his image has never been that much of a bad thing anyway. Hes risen to a be a global star, and if he wasnt as adored as he was, Goku's spirit bomb against Kid Buu would have failed. And the love goes both ways, Mr Satan truly loves all of his fans so much. Before Vegeta remembered that they had one last wish by Porunga, he pressured Mr Satan to tell the Earthlings to give all the energy they had, and Mr Satan felt so torn; as Earth's savior and champion, he just couldnt do the Earthlings dirty like that...

Anyway. I'm really glad that Mr Satan now has a friend with whom he can play party games. I bet they make pillow forts and bring little toys into the bubble bath. Really great that Mr Satan has someone he can frolic with. Becasue hes just a wounded child inside. It's so nice he can have a friend to play with .... such a rejuvenating thing.

I love you Mr Satan <3