#so ive been emotional anyway but sometimes thats ok

[snowyvoid]

feeling particularly emotional today. i wanted to go the shops with my mum but it was too late in the day and they closed. and im listening to the songs i used to like. but i finally stretched my septum. maybe things are okay even though i am the way i am. almost every aspect of my body is wrong in some way, but its okay, because i know that someday, someone or something will see through this skin. see me as i am. and i hope i will see them too. their true self, the thing they hide underneath the bed and in the backs or drawers. i know the sun will rise tomorrow but i still go to bed scared it wont.

[upsidedowngrass]

helloooo here are some various one things ive drawn during classes (and two not during classes ) :D

[munamania]

and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever

[lordiavolo]

to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.

when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.

but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.

[l-cereta]

in a bad mood for multiple unrelated reasons :thumbsup:

[juni-ravenhall]

we played the quest now and mostly its just like. all these recent quests are at the quality as if a child wrote them but that feels like an insult to child authors. imagine if any other game at this price point (!) put out main story updates at this quality and this playtime per month(s).....

more specific commentary under here

the dark riders still dont feel like actual villains or threats to me at all, due to the rushed and stupid way they were introduced after their design updates, combined with how bad the writing is. i feel like im just chewing on a tasteless gum when i play this. but thats an insult to gum. its very nothing. its neither dramatic nor funny nor meaningful in any way.

the writing and timing is so bad that nothing holds any real dramatic weight. i didnt feel anything about maya getting zapped - i assume shes fine tho??? - obviously yes its harmful to choose to hurt the lesbians rather than literally anyone else and its worth criticising bc ppl need to stop making oppressed characters suffer more than the not-oppressed, but also just the whole thing is handled so badly that i can barely even care bc its so fucking stupid that nothing holds any weight. at this point anything any of the charas says and does just feels completely empty.

like you could just have mr sands collapse to the ground from a heart attack in the middle of the dialogue and sabine say "lol loser" and it wouldnt even feel especially out of place in the current quality of writing and storytelling.

it was fun to see darko and sands again just because we have more relation to darko as a villain than any of the dark riders. the same way i am way more interested in ms drake or mr anwir (rip i guess) than i am in the dark riders bc they were sooo badly included in the story and then suddenly now theyre everywhere and talk all the time as if we know them and as if theyve been a consistent villain. i am way more interested in any other npc than in the dark riders, i have more emotional connection to ed field than i have to katja. bc they were not written into the story properly. this is a continuous frustration i have reading any main story updates.

anyway the erissa race was just.... fine. this is supposed to be a kind of mini boss moment in other games. however, due to my horse not being fed (a system that sse designed) i rode quite slow which in itself takes away drama, but also, the race just felt really.... nothing, again. its not bad... its just nothing. the floating objects in the forest were cool, and the yarn stuff is cute (tho i dont feel anything about this design bc again she and her design is just thrown at me with no buildup - like - a character having a theme that you build up a connection to, is not happening here), but it doesnt feel like an important race or like a mini boss, its just.... ok i went here and now i went there. why tho. how did this matter.

it wasnt a difficult enough race in any way that it felt like challenging gameplay (mini boss fight) and ive said before, yes sure there are 8yo players who never played a game before and need it to be relatively easy - but this can be achieved in other ways than forcing *all* players to play a really dumb easy race, and its also not consistent throughout the game - sometimes a race is randomly kinda hard, other times its something you could do blindfolded, but without any consistent relation to where when and why the race takes place.

normally in games, battles/races/whatever would get more and more challenging as the story goes on, as levels go up, as new mechanics get introduced, as player skill and experience grows.

but yeah i just really hate the story quests at this point. theyre empty. theyre badly written. they are forgettable and dont hold the dramatic weight theyre supposed to. they feel random and disconnected from the rest of the game we played until a couple years ago. the characters and stuff are just handled so badly. the story and lore is confusing and hard to understand. its a mess.

all of this would be fine if sso was a game you play for free. it would be fine if it was a game that cost 10 dollars. it would be fine if it had microtransactions that were like, 1-3 dollars here and there, not 30 dollars here and there to afford two items or one horse or whatever.

i wouldnt judge it so harshly for this bad quality in the story quests (the writing, the storytelling and lore, the characters, the gameplay, the animations, the models and designs, the feeling of making progress as a player....) if the game was overall as cheap as its quests are.

[queerspaceprince]

super long post

i saw the tv glow spoilers, me being depressing, tw's in tags

i went to see I Saw the TV Glow this afternoon. i got it. def cried a little (idk if hrt has stopped me from crying more bc i havent cried since i was in hs anyway) my sib got it, tho we havent talked ab it yet bc im still processing even now. my mom did not get any of it. at all. wasnt affected. thats fine, whatever.

and. jesus. i give the movie a 15/10, but it was. a whole lot. i have too many emotions.

Im def gonna mention a few spoilers so if you dont want to be spoiled, is your warning.

it made me feel too much. is the allegory really allegory if the hidden meaning is right at the surface?

when owen says that thing during their convo on the bleachers -i cant remember the exact words fuck- something about feeling hollow or missing something or whatever, how he thinks something is wrong with him and his parents do to-i feel that. so much. i felt it so much more before my egg cracked, but i still feel it in relation to my depression and anxiety. that hit me.

there was also that part about feeling like you're watching yourself from the outside, as if through a tv. oof.

then the whole thing maddie said about how time didnt feel right, how nothing changed when she left. i get it. I was 10 nd my parents got divorced, and suddenly im 11 and thinking i wanted to d1e for the first time, and then im 14 in a kind of manipulative relationship, with like 1 friend and super depressed, and then i was graduating and realizing im queer and exploring my gender and going through a breakup. then im 20, and getting my first job, and coming out to my family. and now im 26. and i still mostly feel the same way i always have. i have more good days, and im more confident now, but i still feel like im just going through the motions a lot of the time.

when did I stop being a kid? ive been an adult for 8 years and Im still only working part time (32 hrs), still living with my mother bc rent is $$$$, still barely functional enough that I havent cleaned my room since last year and ive only showered 3 times in the past week, and i have to force myself to go get coffee on my days off or else ill stay in bed all day. Im just stuck here. i shouldve taken driving lessons when I could. id be out. except i cant leave my sibling behind with my mother. shes not awful, but them being alone is an explosion waiting to happen. but they dont have a job and i doubt i could support both of us. and now i dont trust my eyes enough, like i read for 15 minutes and everything else goes blurry, like im seeing triple.

anyway. next is the scene in where she talks about k1lling herself to get back to the pink opaque world. I. have to admit i nearly threw up. the imagery, the way she spoke about it. she said she regretted it while she was stuck underground, then how she felt good about it, about getting out....ive been sitting in a low spot for a while, it was better while we were on our trip, but it just reverted when we came back. i keep thinking im going to relapse into sh again. i feel so close to the edge sometimes. and theres really no reason for it either. my life is fine. not great, not perfect. but adequate. anyway i had to close my eyes and take a minute after that.

i feel that even without wanting to go back to the other world, maddie was suicidal. she wouldve found some reasoning to k1ll herself. Now ive only ever been actively su1cidal once, when i was 15 -or 16- idk my teen years are all a blur of depression and anxiety. im good now. well. i say good. im more, self destructive then really wanting to d1e. just. i feel so bad on the inside for no reason, why can i have a reason to hurt on the outside?? anyway, im ok now, im 3.5 years clean, i dont want that to change. im working on my coping mechanisms.

there was another quote from that planetarium scene that i couldnt stop thinking about but has now vanished from my mind entirely. bc sometimes getting my thoughts in order is like. catching smoke.

anyway. then everything after that. him growing old. knowing something about him is different but not wanting to acknowledge it or it would drastically his life as he knows it. I understand that feeling. except for me, its not exactly acknowledgement of myself, its doing something about it. while I didnt exactly stay in the closet long, that feeling of not wanting anything to change is why the closet exists. i realized i was queer in 2014, trans 2015. came out as bi that summer, but i didnt come out as trans until 3 years later. when I had a job. access to money if i ended up getting kicked onto the street. i literally had a bag packed and ready to go. and yet. even when i did come out, i was too afraid to correct my family on my pronouns or name for another year. my sibling really helped with that. immediately used them. Tbh theyre my fave person and id do anything they asked.

the whole thing about there still being time.

i see a lot of tiktoks about this. people watning to do stuff now bc there is still time to change your life or whatever. im interpreting it differently.

there is time now, but your hourglass will run low eventually. live while you still can, while you can still do something about it. how that message showed up after maddie left- their time together had run out, but he might still be able to do something. make a change. idk. but owen was too scared to do anything.

im still scared to do anything.

i still dont correct people on my name or pronouns if they get them wrong. i still dont speak up if my family says anything not pc (they are learning tho). im too scared to talk about any big feeling i have bc ive always been brushed off in the past and i dont want to feel worse becasue of it.

i still havent done anything to get my name or gender marker changed bc im scared. idk why. ive been living as a man for 6 years, i got top surgery almost 3 years ago, and ive been on hrt for nearly 2.

it terrifies me for some reason. maybe ts the complexity of it. ive found 3 different versions of the paperwork, and nowhere does it tell me exactly how or who to submit it too. one of those said i could submit online but it had to be printed, notarized, and scaned back into the computer? none of the other versions said it had to be notarized???

and i have nobody who has any knowlege that could help. my aunt worked for a lawyer for years, and yet she just said all I have to do is go to the dmv. like babe. no. thats not how that works.

i think ill start on that again.

while i still have time.

[yj-98]

opinion on greta hayes ... in case u couldn't tell by the. emotional. text post ive been thinking abt her a lot lately...

wow i definitely couldnt tell!!! i think you should gretapost more just to make sure it gets across to everyone 🫶

greta....ok disclaimer im tired now so my brains less coherent but . shes a tragedy from the start right? murdered, caught in a half state, captured. the only time shes been arguably free and herself is with young justice

in regards to tim shes a played up stereotype with her jealousy and her emotional dysregulation is a plot point that i feel is very divisive. but i feel like.... can speak to "good trauma survivors" vs "bad" ones. as in people are considered sympathetic if they dont act out or scream or hurt others. that lashing out at the hurt and doing things irrationally or having the inability to control your reactions inherently make you undeserving of empathy. because thats not true!!!

the way she treats the others rightfully make them (+readers) uncomfortable.. but i feel like yj98 really does. a great job at being able to BE empathetic with her. tim asks her to let them all love her as is, as best they can. meet them half way. its one of the most human things ive ever read. its important that we acknowledge the way her actions hurt people ofc, but i feel like its also like... a good example of understanding that this kid hasnt experienced much else but a lot of pain. and that you sometimes have feelings way way way too big for your head. and you can lash out. and people can love you. and you can let them.

which is all to say i do love her as much as i love the other yj kids. shes a young teen girl whos got friends and peers and who can help and wants to help. who has issues appropriate to her state of being i feel. shes not quite dead not quite alive and she wants to be normal as much as the others. but they meet her half way. and shes against all odds a survivor of something usually unsurvivable. and she has big feelings about it. and shes a teenager. we can cut her some slack theres growing pains and she cant grow physically yk.

does any of that make sense. anyways

[nonbinaryaubrey]

ok sorry about that im normal now. anyway its like omori except its always raining and sometimes it storms super duper crazy hard. its 🌧rainmori🌧

or maybe like. petrimori. like petrichor. anyway, sunny breaks the violin whilst outside, leading to mari scolding him all the way home so when they get home he just locks her out. and while she's shouting to be let in (and sunny is not letting her in because he is being sulky) it storms harder and harder and she gets more desparate. mari's hair begins to stand on end, she realizes she is about to be struck by lightning and screams and begs to be let inside, but sunny has a tiny brief moment of hesitation where his emotions get the better of him, causing him to be just too late to let her in, and she is struck. and he sees.

i'm thinking Something is going to be based on the image of all her hair sticking up the moment before she's struck by lightning, and hellmari will perhaps be based on the opisthotonus position she takes when struck, though idk how.

been trying to brainstorm a Something design but i'm not quite there yet ehehe

i'm not sure how basil fits into this. maybe he likes puts maek in a bath with a toaster or something idk ehehe. and, gasp! thats why people are toast when they die!! 😱

now any time it storms like that sunny gets horrible hallucinations, paranoia, flashbacks, and nightmares. Rain Town becomes one of the closest places to the Truth funnily enough.

aaaand yeah i guess thats all ive thought of so far! thats my au! :]

oh !!! thats a neat au idea !!! lvoe lightning ... strikes her with another one. giggles... the Something ideas r fun !! i like the one with.. the teeth. spooky >:3c

[sadisthetic]

jaya string of fate au

ive mentioned string of fate au a few times here. ive finally put it together into a post. okay so the reason why ive taken so long to transfer this is bc ITS FROM JULY OF LAST YEAR. i wasnt sure if i should lightly edit it or rewrite it. because it started out as me complaining about rebooted and then me fucking craving fanfiction and hurt (i do this 24/7) and then it morphed into this au that also doubled as character/relationship analysis and me fixing rebooted with my bare fucking hands in the context of this au

anyways. jaya string of fate au with emphasis on the heartbreak of s3. half of this was written half a year ago. man i was so mad about s3 back then lol

been thinking about s3 again. whats even more frustrating about the bad het drama. is that they didnt even give jay and nya a proper break up. granted their get together wasnt on screen either BUT IF YOURE GONNA OH SO RUDELY TEAR THEM APART LIJE THAT. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS DO IT WITH MORE FUCKING PURPOSE. THE WRITERS JUST PITCHED A WRENCH INTO THE WORKS AT BULLET SPEED JUST BECAUSE! JUST BECAUSE THEY WANTED DRAMA. BUT FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!! MAKES ME FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT DID IS DO JAY DIRTY AND NYAS CHARACTER DIRTY

nyas fucking integrity spit on. you didnt have to make her be like that. it just really fucking made her look BAD. god i wont say jay was a perfect boyfriend but he didnt deserve THAT.

anyways. i want a canon compliant jaya breakup fic set in s3 (present jem speaking: I STILL WANT THIS BY THE WAY.) im so certain nobody has written this. i think heartbreak could be a form of whump if you make it hurt enough.

well. technically. it would be more emotional hurt fic rather than whump. but im a guy who has his definitions twisted. this is whump to me. also im a guy who thinks unromantic things as romantic but also loves love thats void of romance above anything else. i can do both. anyways.

i want jay to feel absolutely crushing heartbreak. i want jay to be hurt. i want him to feel it in his chest. unfairness— rending, jealousy— twisting, want— squeezing. all he yearns for is to be with nya. because he loves her. but apparently... nya doesnt feel the same way. and it hurts

i want to consume heartbreak. i think itll be crunchy on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. absolute chewable pleasure. lightly salty and bittersweet. i also wanna squeeze jays heart like a stress ball and maybe cause arrhythmia. scratch it a little (a lot). jay is my emotional and physical fucking chew toy

and so to make heartbreak a bit more whumpy tho... i thought up of red string of fate au...

in this version of this concept, the red string of fate is something that needs to be tied by the pair together. and the feelings behind it is what gives the string color. but sometimes if a love is fated to be, the red of the string is instantly, intensely vibrant, almost glowing 

but you dont know who your soulmate is until you actually get together and tie the knot. it is not preexisting, the string does not connect people together for them to find each other before they even know the other exists. it only exists when two people make the decision to bind each other to themselves. most people dont find their soulmate but because its so often the case ppl are content with someone who isnt bc you dont need to find love in your soulmate alone, love is abundant in other places. but that isnt to say the red string of fate isnt romanticized in society tho. anyways. nya likes jay and their string is a pleasant warm red thats a little pink. its typical color for those who arent soulmates but its ok

jay is a little smitten in a slightly overbearing way tho. i think they are a couple who are a little bit mismatched in terms of showing affection. and also nya is very independent type so jays chivalrous tendencies grates on her a little but she lets it slide bc to her, jays positives outweigh his negs. hes cute and funny and they both can geek out and bond over tech stuff. thats a part of the fun. 

but then the match maker thing happens and nya doesnt immediately start considering cole as a romantic interest. but she does start... considering things tho. why cole could be her match. and if he really is her soulmate. why isnt jay her perfect match? its less nya becoming interested in someone else and more nya examining herself to think about what she actually wants for herself and what she wants in a person and if jay really isnt the right guy for her in the end. she doesnt know if cole would actually give her what she wants more than jay does. but she does grow more aware of the mismatch between her and jay

but before anything could be done about her doubts and dismiss it all and just carry on with their relationship, jay finds out in the trailer and is devastated. and intensely jealous of cole.. because hes been a bit insecure about his and nyas relationship for a while now also. he jumps the gun too quick before nya could reassure him so then that Fight happens and things get messy and ugly really fast. jay makes himself look really bad in front of nya which unfortunately reinforces her doubts in jay and she thinks. maybe they shouldnt be together after all. 

and so one night nya talks to jay alone. she explains herself. how shes been feeling about them. how she wants to focus on herself. and that hes too much for her and hes stifling her and she thinks it would be better if they cut things off and go back to being friends. and then she cuts the string that binds them together before jay could even object. it stings for nya but for jay it feels like his heart was sliced in two. literally. he feels a sharp pain that makes him clutch his chest. for nya, she had more time to process the severance. because she was sorta falling out of love for a while. her side of the string has become desaturated and dull. which is why she doesnt hurt as much

she doesnt realize how much jay truly loves her and how much it would hurt him when the string was cut. so when jay falls to his knees, tears falling, she just turns and walks away because she thinks its just from the heartbreak. she knew she was breaking jays heart

she doesnt realize how much hes literally hurting, how she left his heart bleeding. she knew but she didnt know. its most painful experience jay has ever felt in his life. a searing ache. theres a sudden painful void instead where there once was nyas love. its loss that was much too abrupt

heartbreak cant kill a person but it can leave them wounded. and with an abrupt disconnection like that, its why jay hung onto those feelings for nya for months after even tho he never acted on them. his half of the string refused to wither away and he didnt want to discard it either. how could he when he still loved nya. but he couldnt do anything about it though. nya made up her mind. and jay knew her well enough that she would probably hate him more if he chased after her. and so... he kept his feelings close to his chest and his sad, loose thread wrapped around his finger tight all the way until skybound...

—

okay. now present day jem speaking. that was the end of original story i had written on twitter... its meant to be a missing scene (inbetween seasons) fic + au. canon compliant except for the fact its set in this au. so skybound more or less carries out the same way. except minor details being changed...

such as nadakhan approaching jay. he tells him he cannot fix or create strings of fate. but he can give him other means of winning nyas heart... 

although this isnt a part of the “fic” i do imagine at the end of their divorce era.... nya who had casted away her old string, remakes her string to tie to the end of jays (and her) old one where she cut in. the thing is making strings of fate is something anyone can do regardless of being fated to be or not. what the string of fate is in this au is more of an oath... an intention to be together to the end of time. the two people are choosing to bind their fate to each other. nya, who had felt stifled in a relationship and decided she didnt need to be in one back all the months ago, realized something in skybound.... the string of fate isnt a contract or a shackle. not like how she thought... its a sentiment of how much you care about somebody to want to be connected forever. till death do us part. and jay very sincerely wanted that. he wanted to be with nya forever. and nya realizes... despite all his flaws, she really cares about him. she does want to be with him forever. she wants to be together with everyone, all her friends, her family forever. i think she doesnt know the nature of her feelings for jay. they are a bit conflicted and shes not sure how to sort out her desires from her feelings. but i think she decides to give jay a second chance of sorts. when they tie the loose ends the color on nyas side is an ambiguous grey barely tinging pink 

she tells jay she doesnt want to just get back together. she wants them to start over. and jay isnt sure what that means. and by the color of the string hes not sure if it means theyre dating again either. its a very ambiguous ground theyre standing on. but... jay takes the fact that nya retied their string to mean something. that nya isnt rejecting him anymore. that she cares. that he means something to her. it gives jay hope. his feelings for her havent changed... but he decides that to just be. and take things slow. hes happy even if hes confused by what nya wants. hes connected to her again.... and that means so much to jay

i think that their relationship from the end of skybound and onward is a bit more slowburn. well its a weird sorta slowburn. because theyre together but not really. its about them figuring their relationship out. and also nya falling back in love for reals. i love navigation of ambiguous relationships. i think for a while for nya the term “girlfriend”/“boyfriend” is more loaded than the term “soulmate”. thats how fucking weird their relationship got. whats not ambiguous is that nya does love him. she wouldnt have retied their string if she didnt. whats ambiguous is the nature of that love.... its not quite platonic but shes hesitant to call it romantic. whatever. they have time to figure it out

okay. that turned out so much more aro than i was intending. but i do like leaving it like that tho. feelings are difficult to navigate arent they sometimes? how they figure it out is up to whoever. love is love. they are more than “just” friends. but romance itself is a difficult and different beast than love. but jay and nya.... they meet halfway somehow. even if it takes a bit of work

ALSO. LOOK AT THIS ART BY DAN @rotten-dan he drew it for me several months ago when i first finished this au’s original thread which ended at the breakup skdjgthulkd. HEARTBREAK!!!!!!!!!!! YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again dan for drawing this for me 

—

also. heres some bonus supplemental worldbuilding that doesnt pertain to story stuff but fleshes out how i picture the world in this au to work. most of this was written to answer dans questions about this au lol... not necessary to read unless if youre interested in my take of string of fate concept lol. or unless youre interested in the bit about bruiseshipping in this au at the very end

-

the string is often attached to the ring finger. so its a very romantic gesture when couples tie it together to each others fingers. like putting wedding rings on each other but its more of a cute fluffy thing rather than binding. not ceremony but its a Thing. its the same level of formality as asking someone out. and string is like. supernatural. its not completely physical but its definitely exists and can be touched. but not as if a literal string is tied to them if you know what i mean? like if the pair are far apart then the strings middle isnt visible but the ends that are tied floats towards the direction of their partner. the string is like. metaphysical. its a perceivable, somewhat tangible representation of love

but if desired the string can be cut if the parties want to separate. but it usually hurts. like a lot of breakups do.

okay so. the thing is with like. almost all soulmate aus. is that they know about their soulmate. or that the evidence of who it is is instantly visible. and like..... that sorta kills part of the fun? of falling in love?

so what if they dont know until they decide to try each other out first. thats the like. the thought behind the set up for this

like. theres sometimes the occasional dumbass whos going off constantly try to find their soulmate but ultimately a soulmate isnt someone you can simply Search for and find. so those kind of people end up being pricks who never will find a soulmate in their life because they dont want to work things out with ppl who arent their soulmate. the pursuit of a soulmate will usually end in disappointment

but sometimes. for the people who do find their soulmate. its because they gravitated to each other in the first place. 

like they fell in love with each other naturally. they liked the person for who they are. and so they decided to get together because they enjoy the other person so much. so when they realize they are meant to be they laugh like oh of course! they were meant to be. theyre like the hallmark movie couple of couples and the few of the very lucky ones

not being soulmates doesnt mean you can only fall in love with your soulmate tho. you can fall in love with anyone. regardless of whether theyre your soulmate or not. and even if theyre not. why does that fucking matter? the important thing isnt that they arent meant to be, but that they love each other anyways. isnt that more romantic? fuck fate the one i love is you

usually nonsoulmate relationship take more work. because the instant perfect chemisty of fated couples isnt there. buuuut. isnt that how love is like in reality? love is work sometimes. love is sometimes hard. but love is also worth it. so making the decision to work for it is more easy the more youre in love. not always the case. but in the healthy couples its usually the case

previously that the feeling behind the thread gives it its color. so. the string can end up being a different color if the feelings felt arent romantic love. most people dont know this though bc ppl who usually tie it are couples. and also it takes both of them to tie the string. every single relationship has a theoretical string color. its just most people who actually want the string are couples usually couples. and so for example, most aros dont ever even think of trying to tie it with someone bc they dont want that kinda bind. but if a curious aro wants to try it out bc they are questioning about their best friend if the two of them agree just to see. their string could actually be a different color than red. because the feelings behind it are platonic

its also entirely possible for a string to be entirely black between enemies hfhjskl. but however those kind of pair would usually NEVER tie the string together bc you know hbghsk. enemies. but if they were. it would be that color. but maybe some insane enemies who are obsessed with each other would do it tho. you know fated enemies and such

..... i have thoughts about bruiseshipping in this au also. theyre best friends, they can bind each other if they wanted to. they have the mutual sentiment required to. but due to the culture surrounding the red string of fate specifically, they never think to. even if they did consider it once they didnt ever bring it up bc awkward!!!!!! the string of fate is the symbol of love. couples treat it a bit frivolously but it is a loaded thing. the string of fate is conversely isnt strictly about love but its just often the case when you want to connect the souls of two people for eternity its usually because of love. theoretically i think their string color would actually oscillate between black and their standard representative color (maybe ill go with light blue lol....) depending on if theyre fighting or not. because it would be funny if it did. also. i think they might try it only after jay and nya retie their string of fate. because then they see its an option to tie strings of fate nonromantically. so theyre like... hey.... do you wanna like... just see? and thats that. two besties bound. jay has two strings of fate now

hysterically it would be funny if all the ninjas did it to each other. it would be a mess. but a colorful one. you know those ship charts where ppl draw lines for their otps and notps. its like that but its not shipping its just relationships and also every single person is connected to every single other person. not saying it has to happen in this au its just that the image of it is so fucking funny to me i had to say it. it would be useful tho if they wanted to find each other wherever they are. practical

maybe they should do that. idk

anyways. thats the end of my au. the post is longer than my og thread of it hjhklkjlkghjf. anyways. thats my weird subversion of string of fate au for jaya. writing the endgame jaya part tonight made think again. damn. im so fucking aro. i think the way i write romance always turn out not so romantic because of it. but also. THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE. SUBVERT BORING ROMANCE TROPES INTO SOMETHING LESS AMATANORMATIVE AND MORE INTERESTING FOR YOUR ENRICHMENT. I RECOMMEND IT. ITS MORE FUN. thats my biased aro ass speaking tho. but for reals. subvert tropes. find out what makes something truly romantic. anyways thanks for reading all of this. i am very fond of this au..... especially for the breakup scene lol...............

[cosmicdorito]

🪦 tv tag game <3 🪦

— list 8 shows for your followers to get to know you better. tagged by @michaelmandog we have some overlap so ill pick different gifs lmao

NBC's Hannibal

yea it has problems but it helped awaken the hidden goth part of me when i first watched it. yea the movies and books were better but the cinematography on this was insane imo

2. Better Call Saul

i would sell my soul for the chance to be in the same room as lalo salamanca. he consumes me. every single episode i watched with my bf i asked when he was gonna show up. for 4 entire seasons he had to listen to me say "is this when lalo gets introduced?" when he died i had to leave the room and go cry in my bathroom for more than ten minutes i was so incredibly distraught it was like i lost a real person in my life

3. Breaking Bad

obligatory after BCS. i dont like breaking bad for the narrative or the deep meaning or any of that bullshit i liked it because i enjoy taking the piss out of every single thing walter white does and my boyfriend had to listen to me explain in detail how i wouldve killed him if i had the chance every single episode. jesse and skyler deserve the world

4. Yellowjackets

i wholeheartedly support lottie matthews the cannibal antler queen and want to join her cult so badly. let me in. im at the gates im in the woods let me in. i wanna sacrifice i wanna live in the woods i wanna wear antlers and do dodgy witchcraft and pray to tree stump altars. i do half that stuff anyway let me in lottie

5. Life Below Zero

i know this makes me a nerd since this is a natgeo docuseries (?) but its genuinely one of my favourite shows. i know all the shit that happens to them is mostly staged but there's a lot of indigenous inupiaq people highlighted on this show and they show off their culture so respectfully and also sometimes it just has me on the edge of my seat like sue aikens goes "idk what that sound was. maybe a wolf" and i go "oh shit. a wolf!!!"

6. TUT

as far as ancient egyptian dramas (my long time only historical interest ive been an ancient egypt dictionary since i was 10 years old) this one wasnt too bad! which is saying a lot cough netflix cleopatra. the costumes were decent and as far as historical accuracy it wasnt the worst ive seen.

7. Sr. Ávila

i admittedly only started watching this because tony's in it but ive actually come to really like it as its own show separate from him. its dark and emotional and im really invested in his story and saving his family while trying to keep the syndicate operating at the same time. its kind of like lalo lite. walmart lalo.

8. Book of Boba Fett

i loved how much this show pissed off the star wars dudebros. im not even really into star wars anymore but the way they redid his character and gave him an actual personality and morals to compliment his established backstory was so good and for some reason the middle aged incels hated it and thats what i love. hes also hot as fuck. thick thick man.

tagging the same people as before im so sorry i only have like 5 mutuals or something like that lmfao so if no one else does this thats ok i just liked looking for cool gifs @yaoifag @bucketbug @kettleghost @chesswizards @kidkubrick @apyrisol

[meruz]

ive been neglecting my inbox so im answering all the asks rn. sorry...if you’ve been waiting for a response.

yes go ahead!! Also ik it is hard to access my FAQ from the app but btw this is in my FAQ its very comprehensive because I get this type of ask a lot LOL. dw it’s not annoying though its easy to answer and I’m glad ppl like my art enough to use it and also care abt crediting!! its in my faq not because i dont like to answer but more so u guys dont need to ask LOL

thank you!! I dont see much infinity train content ever either. when i was making infinity train fanart everyday i felt like i was on an island LOL...

honestly I feel like cahiers are decent with posca because theyre not really absorbent and posca marks tend to sit on the page as opposed to soaking through anyways. umm i wouldnt like... use it to do a whole posca piece or anything but i use poscas just for pops of color in my sketchbook pretty often and it holds up ok. sometimes u can see the shadow of the color through the paper bc its thin but thats mostly it. i took pics of some sketchbook pgs and how the back of the page looks so you can see for yourself ( cw for bakudeku LOL ) ...theres a lot of like.. normal brush pen ink and india ink that penetrates the paper more like even compared to the black posca

thank you!!!! I love drawing assorted cephalopods... their proportions remind me of drawing digimon characters LOL.

not right now u_u I’m busy.... but you can always email me at isellhotdogs@gmail.com to check abt it! sometimes i will do commissions even if im busy because it sounds cool LOL...

lol thank you!! idk if i ship(?) them either but its interesting to think about!!! theyre funny characters to bonk together and i feel like most fanart ive seen doesnt address how funny their relationship could be if it were more exploratory i guess

yk that scene is kind of a meme now but it like genuinely still makes me emotional. when colette makes lloyd promise not to tell the others at the end it breaks my heart

yeah here you go

I feel like I’ve probably talked about this before in another ask post but i dont really think about style because its one of those things that artists should try to change depending upon intention, what you’re drawing and what you want to communicate etc. what people often recognize as style are quirks that an artist maintains throughout changing their subject and approach.....ANYWAYS. thats all to say my style probably just comes out of normal stuff like looking at other art and thinking “I want to do that” or trying out different mediums and methods and settling with whatever feels the best LOL. It’s always changing & growing! Because I’m always learning new stuff!

Theres a lot! I really like the scene when daisukes lying awake in bed thinking abt how ken’s heartbeat felt. And the scene when they have a sleepover and ken wakes up first and looks over to daisuke sleeping LOL idk subtle stuff you can read very clearly as like burgeoning queer moments.. theyre recognizable from my own queer childhood and i love that in a kids anime. also at the end of the series when theyre fighting the final boss dude and ken grabs daisukes arm to ask him to jogress but hes shivering and daisuke just turns to say “youre shaking....” and in revenge of diaboromon when ken goads daisuke into endurance running by taunting him about soccer LOL (jock romance). but one i rly want to mention is theres this youtube video about how ken and daisuke’s honorifics change over the course of the series and how significant it is when they switch over to first name basis and honestly i think about it a lot THEY HAVE GREAT SCENES!! I love ken and daisuke

wow!! thats rad... the sad truth is its just my name with like a shitton of letters taken out. sometimes i abbreviate it even further as mrz and i think to myself haha ... mister z.

[hedgehog-troops]

Sighing anon~

AAAAAA

ok so earlier today I almost passed out and I texted her like

“So I almost passed out HAHA”

And she. Totally blew me off. Like. She ignored it completely and went on a tangent about something else like I didn’t exist.

SIGH

Which like is fine I guess but I would’ve felt a bit better with like a “hey girl you good” or whatever ABSNSSJSJDJ

I’m fine now obviously but that just made me sad because yk. I’m in love with her.

HOW DID JAMES DO THIS MY GOD

oh anon are you okay? did you have water and something sweet??

honestly if it was me i wouldve been oetty and blown her off (thats a lie)

james did shit we could never do i kid you not, if somebody rejects me once im just. digging my own grave and burying myself in it.

SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU!!! WDYM YOU ALMOST FAINTED AND SHE CARRIES ON LIKE ITS A NORMAL TUESDAY????

thrusday wahtever

love hurts so bad (idk ive never been in love im just assuming)

ykw you should do??

idk🧍🧍 i left my thinking pants somehwere else

but honestly now i just ahve beef with your aashiq. like i can NOT get over the fact thay uou told her you nearly FAINTED and she's like hmmm... ANYWAYS.

like girl-

does she consider you her bsf?

also do you consider her your sbf because she is your best friend or just because you're in love with her and youd have the closest form of love to romantic love than nothing at all?

(be petty and gift her a guide to being a good bestfriend on ber birthday)

anyways, my thoughts and emotions are with you Sighing Anon. you are a strong soldier but remember sometimes you have to evacuate the battlefield lest you be at danger of being martyred.

<3

[salaciousslut]

I love hearing what other ppl like so please do!! I also like R&B a lot i just forgot to mention it when i was talking abt genres i like earlier bc i was too focused on rap 🤭 and im the same way tbh! Unless im a real big fan of an artist i'll wait a while, but sometimes like with Paramore's After Laughter i couldnt stand to accept the sound change so i waited a year to listen to it 🫣

I'm going out in an hour or two and im probably not gonna drink till i get back home late. Im always DD since i live the furthest. I wish you could come out with me and my friends i feel like you'd have fun with us. But my friends usually get crossfaded with me bc i always bring some weed. im ok to drive when its worn off a bit im safe i promise 🫣 but i drop everyone off so im used to getting home late a lot. I wish i could hear you giggling i bet you have a cute laugh sweetheart<3 i bet youre really fun to be around when you're drunk<3

I do the same but im trying to get back into better habits like journaling, like sometimes i just cant cry because ive bottled everything up for so long. So i very much urge ppl to cry when they can because its not a great feeling not being able to cry when you need to cry. Like even if its small, cry about it its fine. Its human to feel the full spectrum of emotion.

I forgot what voice i used for my character but i think it was some generic dude voice, i have been a little out of practice with my deeper voices though. But my voice is usually pretty deep anyway, i pitch my voice up a bit when im at work bc i dont want to scare the old timers too much. I hate to admit that my favorite voices to try to do are meatwad from aqua teen hunger force and stitch, theyre like the same voice to me 🤭 i do it for funsies, but in my teen years i did it a lot bc my friends gave me approval for it 🤭

Soo maybe i might budget to get my hands on those perfumes ☺️ i'd like to know what your favorite perfumes smelled like on first hand bases. This is a second best, best would be smelling it on your neck<3 theres a certain cologne i fell in love with years go that ive been trying to get my hands on, its polo red by ralph lauren it had smelled so wonderful to me.

Candles are a lot to take care of so i get it. I just have two main rules i follow for the life of my candle and the safety of my cats. Im the type of person where if i see soot in your candles i try to clean that out to lessen fire risk bc they can be dangerous, its something ppl never notice but thats ok i just want them to be safe. I used to play with the wax like that too!! It low key led to me trying to experiment a little with wax play which was interesting to say the least.

You really are an adorable little puppy<3 its nice to know i was right about thinking you were shorter than me<3 i like short girls, tall girls are nice but short girls are better<3 esp when theyre a little older than me🤭 also ironically i dont own anything royal purple but maybe one day!

oooh i love r&b!! one of my close friends loves it too and will always rec me songs!! and honestly thats sooo fair about waiting to listen to paramore i was the same way!

im always dd too!! just bc i wanna make sure my friends are safe!! bc we all live in the same apartment complex but i know what u mean! i also just like taking care of my friends as u know! im very much rather drink at home bc its my lil safe space! but if im with people i trust, then i like to let loose. plus i wanna lose my inhibitions with you! ill be such a cute lap pet while u and ur friends are drinking and having fun!!

omg i have trouble crying too!! i call it my emotional constipation so ill put on a sad movie to try and cry!! but yes, heres to us trying to me more in tune with our emotions!!

hehe cute cute cute i wanna hear now!! i think i also have a pretty deep voice so i bet we would sound amazing together!! also hehe stitch i love it!! i bet u sound sooo cute

oh trust me, i plan going to bbw soon and smelling you 🫣🥰 and omg i love polo red!! it smells sooo yummy

i started using a candle warmer rather than lighting my candles bc i got scared of the soot, and i know ur not suppose to keep candles lit for a long time but i love the smell so much!! and yes i love wax play. this is kinda embarrassing but i was doing wax play for someone and he had the audacity to get made at me bc i was moaning and enjoying it rather than in pain. smh just let me enjoy the warm feeling on my skin ya know?

i loveeeee being just a lil shorter, tall people kinda intimidate me at first but ur the perfect height!! hehe lets cuddle bc im sooo touch starved and lazy and in a cuddly mood rn. and omg how old are u??

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] GOOD MORNING ALY I SHOT UP TO WRITE THIS THE MOMENT I SAW UR ANSWER AND I JUST. I WAS. YEAH I WAS LIKE YEAHHHHHHH YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH so anyway firstly HELP I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING AT "my cat is here as i write this she can explode too" PATCHES NO maybe yes like perhaps dont explode yet i would also like to know ur thoughts on xiao genshin impact before you do and i will allow it just get ur guts on the floor after ur honest answer patches

"NO BC i dont think ive seen full on infantilization of xiao (Yet.) but the thought of it just now esp w/ zhongli flooded dread through every ounce of my being dear Lord" i mean uhhhhh i Mean not gonna badmouth too much but there is Plenty of those fics and i definitely have my eyes unfortunately lay on age-regressing xiao but like. mentally. he acts like baby. i mean cool ok cool sure sure sure sure sure do what you enjoy of that typa familial interaction i respect u as i push it gently aside.

"zhongli Gets It zhongli knows whats up <333" yknow like THIS GETS ME SM its so important not just abt keeping them both in-character (at least in my perception of what canon is) its also. abt keeping their thoughts in line with it as realistically as possible. i think. i could go so far with how zhongli wud treat xiao with care and warmth and CAN address that sometimes,.. xiao can still be weak can still be the exact opposite of the hardened side he had been and while it does bring to the eventual guilt he feels like a child,.. like my good sir you didnt get to be a child before either. i think a little pampering is something u deserve (AND WHAT DOES PAMPER MEAN THAT DOESNT FEEL LIKE ZL IS BABYING HIM HONESTLYYYY cus in my view its just the former archon being indulgent but also treating xiao. as humanly as possible. as accordingly as what he needs. and xiao needs a Lot)

"said as if i dont put him in so many situations with So Much affection because i cant get the idea of him w/ the traveler specifically being very casually physically affectionate out of my head after seeing the way he holds onto them during that One cutscene" WELL I MEAN,... well i just eehhehehbvkfh though it does catch a lot of hearts especially in the beginning of liyue and iirc thats the second time xiao and lumine ever met in person at all. personally i dont see it that way then having that physical affection develop and have been staying like that in writing their development since (cus man am i so attached to the idea of an emotionally constipated/detached xiao so much that he doesnt just need guidance to overcome his conflicting worldview, but also to understand human emotion and how those two goes hand in hand).

"him being casually affectionate gets me so bad but him being touch repulsed or touch starved or both or him only really accepting physical contact of anytime in combat because thats just how it works or him feeling as though he doesnt deserve the affection" THAT OSIAL FIGHT SEQUENCE IN THE TOWER ASUNDER FIC WHERE XIAO AND LUMINE FIGHTS SO SEAMLESSLY that lumine chose him specifically not just bc of his battle prowess on short-range but his ability to stay mid-air and helping her stay mid-air. throwing her in all angles so every side of osial isnt left out as they both fought. their skills and techniques despite the years and worlds of difference melding in instantaneously after mere seconds of being introduced to each other feels like a form of affection itself in battle its so PERFECT I DIE OVERTHINKING ABT IT explodes explodes.

"i actually have partially written with him enjoying/accepting it from lumine but having no idea how to reciprocate in the slightest" yknow the bits of ideas i told u especially abt the xiao deadge brainrot and wings ask where they have a certain intimacy going on. well both of them are close to the end of lumine's journey hence an important kinda-resolution of how they think abt their relationship (brainrot) and after the journey ends (wings ask, post-teyvat). my interpretation of xiao reciprocating these affections that doesnt just center from lumine,..... its built up on that confusion and xiao hesitates a lot, but can become fully accepting once he understands it. like the times lumine would feel so torn about her brother directly (quests with dainsleif), or any circumstance that relates to him (aranara world quests with nara varuna) that she needs somekind of grounding and he KNOWS lumine herself does it in his own depressing moments so its like a 2+2 thing. what she does for him, he does it back, simple as that. it used to be a logical, but a little careless thought process without the genuine care, but soon enough the concern he had for her would match the gestures he does in turn.

i overanalyze dat shit and how xiao would act the way he does bc i do Not. like naur way NO WAY i dont rlly believe strongly he instantly cares and goes almost perfectly affectionate on the reason its for lumine and her only. thats a big problem with me and seeing xiao regarding attachments and im pree sure ive ranted that sht often enough here HAHAAKFJHSD ANYWAY I JUST!!!!!!!!!!!!! man xiaolumi can get so specific to me sometimes and i love to explore this certain aspect of their relationship where they do grow to be close, but theres this?? invisible distance, somekind of barrier i cant explain between them especially when they conflict each other with their worldviews and understanding. and post-teyvat is where that barrier didnt really destroy between them, but enough that they can reach for each other. like yknow!!!!!! yknow,............. shniff

[also this is the most oot thing ever did u know i actually did drafted my asks before sending it to u on this doc so i can rmb what the fuck i was talking abt and how it relates to ur response and it happened like. prolly my second ask in the Very Beginning so anyway. the doc reached 59 pages 32k words probably more than i could ever write for my uni thesis light and love <333]

HIIIIIIIIIIIII HI HI HI BESTIE I HOPE UVE HAD A GOOD DAY AND THAT UR NIGHT IS AMAZING <33333333

no bc. bestie shannon and i (first of all shannon if ur seeing this thats ur official title now second of all context shan is the one who reads at least half of these asks/conversations which is still WILD to me) have been watching rwby together lately and patches is there Most Of The Time and every time she shows up i point her out and we'll ask her rwby questions...... and idk ur rwby knowledge if any but blake is a character who has a largely black and white color scheme and gold eyes and cat ears and patches has gold eyes and she's black and white so every time Blake Specifically shows up we'll go "patches what are your thoughts on rwby character blake belladonna" and it makes me giggle sm and from now on whenever she shows up when im writing or playing genshin i know Damn Well im gonna start saying "patches what are your thoughts on xiao genshin impact" and she will Stare At Me with her big patches eyes and say nothing. and i will nod understandingly and say Wise Words Patches. sorry its not even 10am i got so much sleep and yet i am Deliriously exhausted anyways

AGE REGRESSION IS SO. i have sm respect for it esp as like a genuine coping mechanism and i cant really speak on fics for it but the thought of xiao specifically as a character regressing is so ??? i get it in Theory but in Practice. you can not tell me that that man would a) do that voluntarily under any circumstance or b) trust ANYONE enough to tell them if he did it involuntarily. sometimes u just gotta write fics where you baby the fave and i look away from those in general out of personal preference but i am especially looking away from ones where its xiao i can Not see it i can not imagine it in any world <- lying a little bit because now that im thinking about it i can under very specific circumstances but NONE within which and none of which would lead to him being like actually genuinely infantilized in any way shape or form. it simply would not happen i cannot see any fics babying xiao as being in character for anyone involved in the slightest

"xiao can still be weak can still be the exact opposite of the hardened side he had been and while it does bring to the eventual guilt he feels like a child,.. like my good sir you didnt get to be a child before either" LITERALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY king. king put down your weapon shed your armor let yourself Rest you were never allowed to do so before just allow it of yourself now trust the people around you to look after themselves and liyue and allow yourself to take care of yourself to maybe even be taken care of just a little bit. just a little. please. Please.

"cus in my view its just the former archon being indulgent but also treating xiao. as humanly as possible. as accordingly as what he needs. and xiao needs a Lot" naur dw i get it like there's a difference between like. okay how the Fuck do i word this. there's a difference between treating someone gently knowing their strength and capability and choosing to be soft regardless in a good, respectful way, VS flat out ignoring that persons capability and strength and treating them like glass and truly believing that they could shatter at any moment if thought of any differently. zhongli knows exactly who xiao is and what he's capable of, hes not about to forget any of that or cast it aside in order to act like xiao is this tiny, fragile thing. hes going to be well aware of it and still make the choice to be kind and gentle and accommodating, to try and give xiao some of the care and concern he's so rarely seen or known in his life. xiao can be cared for and maybe even pampered a little without it being weird or ooc or disrespectful or anything of the sort

"he doesnt just need guidance to overcome his conflicting worldview, but also to understand human emotion and how those two goes hand in hand" o(-( DIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no bc i genuinely love this so fucking bad especially just. the emphasis on his conflicting worldview and thinking about it and sajbdnamfnafgdsag. I JUYST WROTE LIKE A WHOLE PARAGRAPH but it was super fucking rambly in a way that made NO sense whatsoever so it is gone now goodbye </3 but god. yeah. Yeah.

"that lumine chose him specifically not just bc of his battle prowess on short-range but his ability to stay mid-air and helping her stay mid-air. throwing her in all angles so every side of osial isnt left out as they both fought. their skills and techniques despite the years and worlds of difference melding in instantaneously after mere seconds of being introduced to each other feels like a form of affection itself in battle its so PERFECT I DIE OVERTHINKING ABT IT" no bc this scene is the most important thing in the whole entire universe YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT IT FEELING LIKE A FORM OF AFFECTION ITSELF the way that they're able to just. to just. im. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM i cant even say anything the scene is Right There it speaks for itself you read it you Understand you get it. you get it. the fact that it happens So Quickly the immediate trust in battle the fact that they work so well together its just. and that had SUCH a huge influence on how i perceive them and how i write them, two very like-minded souls two people who've been through so much that no one else understands but who are able to find that understanding in each other, recognizing that the other has lived for millennia that the other has lost their closest family that the other has people they trust, people they care for, but still ends up isolated in so many ways. pasts and mindsets no one else could understand, seeing so much of themselves mirrored in the other. nothing exact but the similarities, the shared loneliness and hurt and deep buried longing, fuckidfngf. explodes. dies. ive already made a post about this im just repeating myself but man. MAN.

"the xiao deadge brainrot" DEADGE. FUCKIGN SOBBINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

this is the part where i got distracted and suddenly its 9pm instead of 9am and i am just now finishing answering this but also significantly more braindead adn it shows. um. anyways.

"its built up on that confusion and xiao hesitates a lot, but can become fully accepting once he understands it." BASED AS HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what she does for him he does back... "but soon enough the concern he had for her would match the gestures he does in turn." crying shaking bawling sobbing GODDDDDDDD yeah. Yeah.

"i love to explore this certain aspect of their relationship where they do grow to be close, but theres this?? invisible distance, somekind of barrier i cant explain between them especially when they conflict each other with their worldviews and understanding" mmmmm i Think i get this like i am way too braindead to try to put it into words but i think i understand.

THE DOC PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE i literally need to write at LEAST that much for this freakigngnfkng xiaolumi fic <- said as if i am not actively procrastinating writing more for it. but man looking at my guide/plan doc thingy for it i am Praying. 30k feels like so much and such a stretch but i also will like sneeze and the next thing i know there are 5k more words on the page so maybe. Maybe. perhaps. hopefully. Please. maybe.

[prttyvirgo]

calling me handsome at this time? 🤭 making me blush right now

isn’t it your last semester? like last last one? I can imagine it’s stressful but you’re doing great. You always do ♥️ don’t forget to rest because uni isn’t everything lmao I see people with no degrees making more money than I’ll ever have so…. at this point i don’t even care that much

please!!! you spamming me was the best part of my day, it used to make me the happiest man alive just to be there for you at the end of the day 🥹 i love your crazy thoughts, there’s so many of them 😂 in so many directions it’s fucking adorable. I was always looking forward to hear you sweet baby

thank for always wishing the best and still seeing the kindness in me, it really means the world.. your opinion of me is really important to me and i hope you know i’d still try my best to be the kind and emotional man you used to know 🥹

sounds like a busy day, I love the two hour nap 😂 sounds like you ngl. How was ramadan? everything alright? you know what i’ve been studying a little bit more about your religion, i felt really dumb with some of the questions I made 💀

my day was ok, I’ve been off work to do my dissertation so that’s good but i’m not doing anything anyway, still trying my best and I know I’ll do just fine. So I did some uni work, went to a cute coffee shop, had shower, came home to watch stranger things like usual and yeah…. that was it baby, thanks for asking ♥️

-💌

you know i gotta make sure to make you blush at least once every few days and remind you that you are one handsome fucker so 😌

and no, unfortunately it's not my last senester but tbh it's been going well and isn't as stressful as it used to be bc i think ive become like you in that way since i dont care about it as much since it's like...not that big of a deal 💀 if it works out it works out and if not then so be it tbh so absolutely no worries when it comes to that, my sweetest love

and please you always make me so soft 🥺 i really appreciate you being so excited about my spams, makes me really really happy and of course i know you're always trying your best. i just hope you know it's okay to not always give your best since your best is sometimes 10% and sometimes 129% so you're good either way bc you gave it a try and thats what matters 🥺

ramadan was really good this year, it was like the first proper ramadan without any covid regulations and bla bla so everything was how it used to be pre-covid and honestly i never minded your questions bc 1) i'm used to it and 2) it was/is just nice to see that you were/are interested in it 🥰

im glad you're taking some time off of work even if it's just a day since i know you, sir, like to overwork yourself so a win is a win. and i hope the dissertation is going well and you're trying your best not to lose your mind over it but i know you've got this 🤍

your day sounds lovely and i'm so proud of you for resting and taking some time to yourself, you deserve it so much 🥺 thank you for answering