#so many of whom are my closest friends rn :(

[callixton]

maybe i just need to start fainting dramatically in front of my friends to earn their sympathy

[azlrse]

➳ the aftermath (mammon x gn!student president!reader drabble)

cw: major angst, no comfort.

a/n: wanna post something here due to my inactivity and there's so much going on in my school rn (had lots of fun to the point that I forgot that I write stories here lmfaoo)

Without you, he is lost.

With your rejection and anger towards him and his brothers, he spends the rest of his days sulking in his room. No matter how much bargaining, pleading and begging for him to go out by his demon siblings, he still didn't budge. Mammon only cried in his pillow, now covered in layers of snot, saliva and tears while reminiscing the events that took place when he was still a part of your life – from birthdays to hanging out like the closest pair of friends a person could wish for.

Mammon was even far too late to recognize his deep and unconditional feelings for you and it only hurts more when you turned him away. He understands your pain. He understands why you acted like this and why your student council friends are even more protective of you – the way they glare and speak snide remarks to both him and his brothers when they first arrived at the prestigious academy.

He tried visited you like so many times, bringing gifts that you still liked during your time in the Devildom; flowers that only existed there and the sweetest donuts and cakes from Madame Screams, only to realize that you've given those gifts away instead of throwing it away, which shattered his heart a bit.

Mammon loved you, loved you so much that he started degrading himself that if only he could do so much better other than treating you like shit, speaking ill towards you and refusing to hang out with you in favor with the other students to whom he called his friend.

And his heartache only worsens when he saw you being in a relationship with one of your peers.

From a distance, he could only stare at the both you being lovey-dovey and giving head pats and kisses. He'll only imagine if he's in your lovers place, recieving such affectionate and words of love and going in dates here in the human world. He will only imagine and daydream on what's like for you to be his and calling you his very own lover.

The kind of lover who doesn't shame him for his sin and accepted for who he is.

The kind of lover who would comfort him when he has a bad day.

The kind of lover who would love the prince of greed unconditionally until the time you passed and live in the Devildom permanently.

The only act Mammon would so is to wish such happiness for you and your significant other. Wishing that they'll take care of you and bring you lots of happiness during the duration of your relationship with them.

It does hurt for the demon, but he'll keep on waiting for you, protecting you even. Because after all, he's your first man and as long as he's alive, he will keep on protecting you and awaits for the day that it's his turn to be your lover.

Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.

Reblogs and likes are appreciated! 💕

[menalez]

mena im soo lonely. all of my friends basically never try to involve me in anything and are always hanging out with guys, theyre all bi but they only really ever date and talk about guys, they make me feel like im an ugly man weirdo (even though im feminine. i just don't wear makeup really)

i soo badly just want lesbian or gay friends bc i really struggle to feel understood currently. rn im a teen and im scared my loneliness will only get worse as i go into adulthood.

did you ever experience something similar and how were you able to get gay/lesbian friends? 💜

yeah ive had moments in university and school where i basically felt quite othered bc my female friends would often talk about guys and their crushes and male celebs etc and that didnt interest me so id either disconnect or (sth i did as a child) id invent stuff to try to fit in but i felt somewhat uncomfortable n different bc of it regardless. BUT i can at least tell u that finding gay & lesbian friends is not at all impossible, u meet 1 gay man or 1 lesbian and suddenly u end up meeting more n more bc they also tend to have their own gay & lesbian friends. even end up finding bi people who aren't so OSA-centric.

im not sure if it'll help u at all but. when i was in school, most of my friend group coincidentally turned out to either be gay or bi. in my female friend group: 1 turned out to be bi, 1 turned out to be a lesbian (& they were the ones i was closest to as well), and then from my male friends 2 turned out to be gay men. we didnt consciously know of each other's sexualities but i think we somehow subconsciously knew and connected w each other based on being semi-outcasts and different without knowing/admitting exactly how we are different. after school, at uni, i did go through about 2 years where most of my friends were het. i was living abroad and i noticed that in a lot of the west, ppl tend to only want to be friends w people of similar ethnic/racial/cultural backgrounds so my friends mostly ended up being muslim women (which was unusual for me lol. ik its odd since i grew up in a muslim country but most of my friends were not religious or weren't even muslim at all). i did have 1 friend, a bahraini gay man, who i knew through a woman i had a thing with. he was coincidentally going to the same uni as me. she introduced us and we became close friends. one of the muslim women i was friends with also ended up coming out to me as bi (she dated women briefly at first then ended up in relationships w men tho). there were several lesbians on radblr who lived in the same area as me and invited me into their group & bc of that i ended up having a lesbian friend group in the UK. wed go to lesbian events together which was fun! then in germany, i befriended the obviously gay guy in my german class bc i wanted to make friends in the country & he seemed cool. he introduced me to some other bi & gay people but i never rly became friends with them. my gf also introduced me to several lesbians & my aunt (an activist working for an LGBT org) also introduced me to several bisexuals, gay men & lesbians, many of whom i ended up befriending. so for me most of it was through other people, often women im dating or gay friends i have.

[a-earthssprout]

🥀🍯 OOC. a message that’s a tad more thoughtful than a quick update, since I really do have a lot of things to say … I do apologize, however, if this post is rather … messy 😭 my brain feels square rn, but it also wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t share a bit of what’s in my heart—so, I’ll do my best with what I have ! 😊

for many reasons—some more obvious, others more personal—the 2020s have been quite a ride so far. personally, 2022 has been a real struggle for me; I’ve braved some things that I was not yet ready for & it really felt like the year where my life was adjusted in such a permanent way—change is exciting, but admittedly I’m not always comfortable with it … I much prefer consistency 😔

that among other things has made my early 20s a very strange ride so far—it has been difficult, it has been trying, it has been taxing, & sometimes, it has even been a little scary, I must admit … but I’ve had so many blessings by my side that have all been such a comfort to me on this wild trip. this blog—& the company kept on it, especially—is a MAJOR one indeed; the fact that I have a place to turn to, where I can forget about everything that overwhelms me & have a bit of fun, plot some cute things, & admire all you talented writers on my dash … 🥺🌼 I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel that I truly cannot say it enough. I am so grateful for this place & the warmth it brings me, the joy it fills me with, & the opportunity it allows me ! 🌷

but this place would also not be so wonderful if it was without—again—the company that I have here. my closest, dearest friends, whom I am overwhelmingly thankful for, & pals of different but equal value, who make this place the source of sunshine that I feel it is. when light seems so distant in other places, I feel as if it is never quite as far out of reach here. it is so friendly here—so gentle, so kind—& I only hope to give a similar feeling to all of you, too. if you are reading this, do not doubt for a second that I do not mean you—each & every one of you has made me smile before. I can guarantee that. & there are no words that I could use to express just how precious that is to me … truly, it is so 🌼

to those who are closest to me … thank you for being my family. yes, you are my family, & you will always mean the world to me. while I do not want to tag anyone directly as to not accidentally make any feel left out or forgotten, I do hope you know who you are when you read this 😊🌿

with roleplaying matters … the amount of support & love that I receive on here is overwhelming, & that is yet another thing I am so thankful for—to each & every one of you, I appreciate all your interest, all your encouragement, all your excitement—every precious thing you have given to me ... I appreciate it all so very, very much 🌻 please know that you have my support, too—I hope do to a better job showing this in the new year! 🙏

I hope for many things in the year to come—improvement in some areas, growth in others, & healing in parts that are necessary. change is scary … it may never be something I’m ever totally comfortable with, but … being able to go it with company like you all by my side ? yeah. that is definitely my strength 🤗✨

I wish you all a healthy, happy, & rewarding New Year—whether you believe it or not, you are deserving of good things, & I hope that mentality thrives for everyone in this new chapter 🌼 may we write many sweet things together & become closer in 2023 ! here's to all the writing adventures awaiting us ! I lava you all with all my heart, & again … thank you so much. for everything! 🥀

“ I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. ”

[tumbleringismycopingmechanism]

2 11 17 19 20 23 26 27 28 32 35 47 48 49 51 63 70 72 79 81 89 92 93 99

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

That's a difficult choice, because I have met many amazing people on here between whom I would find it hard to choose, not to mention the option of meeting with my idols (I'm specifically thinking Neil Gaiman here). I'm afraid it would come down to a spur-of-the-moment decision.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I have two very common ones, I can't think of a strange one I have

17: What was the last lie you told?

Telling myself it's ok to stay up all night bingewatching the Queen Charlotte Bridgerton spinoff, when actually I should be reading stuff for uni

19: What does your URL mean?

Pretty much exactly what it says. I'm coping by escaping irl life, Tumblr is one of my favourite places to escape to (and besides the one still closest to reality)

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakness: probably socialising in any way, shape or form and my lack of bravery

Greatest strength: cleaning, maybe

23: How do you vent your anger?

Distracting myself from it, mostly. Or thinking about the subject of it until it subsides

26: Are you happy with the person you've become?

No.

27: What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: Kinda depends on how sensitive I'm feeling, but generally speaking I dislike loud, squeaking sounds

Love: Rain pouring and thunder

28: What's your biggest "what if"?

Rn it's probably "what if I just ran away from it all", which is pretty stupid, because I can't

32: What's the worst place you've ever been to?

I definitely hated going to a health resort for 4 weeks two years in a row (objectively speaking the place was beautiful, but emotionally it was the worst place I ever went)

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

On my better days I might say "to enjoy it", but most of the time it feels just entirely pointless to me

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Sandman, no doubt. Trying to broaden it to an obsession with any works of Neil Gaiman.

(Also, I generally have an obsession with fairytales.)

48: What's your sexual orientation?

Straight, I think. Somewhere on the ace spec, I suspect.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yes. More than once. Never true, but always got under my skin so much that it made me act in ways I'm not proud of.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Whenever I find myself doing so, I try my best not to let it show. But I also try not to hold them in general.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I don't have one. I have in fact no clue how to get someone to like me and am beyond baffeled whenever anyone tells me they do. I usually suspect that I must have somehow deceived them unknowingly, or else they wouldn't like me.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I don't know. I might be, on my better days.

72: You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you're going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be affraid?

a) I'd tell my family, but I wouldn't make a big announcement or anything (I don't want the pity of people who have not talked with me otherwise in ages).

b) Travel and read, I think

c) I don't think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

That's hard to say because it feels to me like my good decisions are only ever really small ones, while I feel like I fuck up every major one

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Idk, I feel like it doesn't matter much. I won't be seeing it anyways, so whatever pleases the people who have to live with it, I guess.

89: What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

"How are you?"

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be an half-hour though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Idk. Maybe something from when I was still very young and my older brother was still alive. I don't really remember him; maybe it would be nice to get a glimpse of the person he was

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Well, I would want to keep all the ones that were my fault, because I don't think I deserve absolution on them. The thing is, I can't really think of one that wasn't my fault

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Idk. I know the popular choices are something funny or something chaos-provoking, but I'm not funny and I wouldn't wanna cause chaos. Then there's the possibility of just a positive message, like "stop fighting wars" or something similar, which would be my most likely choice if I didn't know how pointless a message it is. So truly, idk.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

how do you think rinharu will solve this issue? having rin stay in japan won't solve haru's abandonment issues and i wonder if competitive swimming is meant for haru, he seems to struggle a lot

Nah-ah, competitive swimming is not the problem here. He has the same amount of struggles with it as Rin and Ikuya. He actually as we saw in s3 surprisingly likes it a lot, and he was very excited about taking on Albert and he wasn't even upset about losing to him, he got worked up. It's like yeah, he takes pressure from others worse than Rin, but Rin for example is taking loses far worse than Haru. But this in fact doesn't mean they can't handle those. They both know that it's just how competitions are and they both knew what they were going for. And when Haru is happy, trash-talking opponents make him go lol and he just has his fun with this too.

The additional stress just simply unlocked the real reason why he's hurt. If it wasn't for this Rin thing he carries with him for like 10 years this would be nothing. Stress from the competition, but more specifically the fact that Albert kinda took away his main stress-relief by "polluting" the water just gave it a rise, but it's not the cause of that. Thinking of Rin easily resolved the "water pollution", letting him pass the free race. It's watching Rin lose and taking it this way that just triggered his ptsd.

The problem was and is what Aki said back when they were little “Nanase-kun seems like he can do anything all by himself, doesn’t he? He’s good at studying and sports and even art. He really can do anything, right? That’s why everyone relies on him, but it would really be something for Nanase-kun to rely on anyone, wouldn’t it?”

It's the fact that he feels too much, feels for everyone and his inability to ask for help in this case from the only person who can help him and from whom he needs it the most.

The problem is that last year when Hiyori decided to laugh about Rin leaving him into his face, rubbed salt into his deepest wound, Haru in return only gave him positive energy, swam with him, gave him happy Ikuya back and watched them being happy while smiling. Did Hiyori maybe say that he didn't mean those words? No. Did someone else the moment he said it corrected him? No. Where do you think stuff like this go?

The problem is that s1 drama was resolved just for Rin. It was never resolved for Haru. It's been just piling up for like 7 years now. I once again will say it, Rin only told Rei that none of that was Haru's fault, Haru still to this day thinks it is.

As for the second part, in my opinion, this isn't quite just about his abandonment issues, it's about his Rin issue. Bc it really doesn't matter if he's in Japan or not in Japan, in a free race or not in a free race (bc whether Rin chose to swim free or not, Rin is right there, and they can still be on a relay team together, and travel together etc). This is only partially about his fear of him leaving.

The problem here is that for Haru it's never enough. When everything was fine and he could swim against Rin and had a great relay team of his friends, he wasn't satisfied.

Rin was near the whole season, he still missed him.

They spent whole days alone together, was that enough? No. He still didn't want him to leave.

But saying stuff like "I know we came here to support our kohais, but please, don't leave, sit with me, not with them" is selfish, no matter how much you want it.

Here he is right next to him. Still not enough.

My point is.. thats not what this is about and I'm pretty sure that's not what Haru's talking about. It's bc he always does everything to stay with him for as long as possible, but Rin is blind as a bat and deaf as a doornail.

And I don't really know what else you can say in some situations. Bc like when Rin spent the night at Haru's and Haru asked him to wake him up at 5am just to spend more time with him Rin answered with something like "hahaha that's great, good night".

And I will never in general understand how Rin even translates what Haru says. Bc when Haru asked him to call, Rin read it as "let me disappear for 5 years, go home for each holiday and avoid you like a plague".

And this outburst of "the greatest pain of my life is when you leave" was read as "let me just leave again".

The problem is Haru tried and tried to ask and show things in many different ways (which was pretty hard considering how he is), but couldn't ask directly for what he really wanted for obvious reasons. And no joke, there is a chance that Rin still wouldn't get it even if he did.

Rationally I think the resolve would be pretty simple, Rin will just enter the free race, bring him back and they'll talk after that.

It's just that with the way this set up right now, for Haru to be happy... I only see one option for how this talk can go, that I always was sure this anime can't give us. But then again I also do not quite get why even go there then.

I guess what I mean is with all my imagination I can't understand how he can ask for help in this situation, except for like I wrote here to ask him "just... be with me. I really need you to just be with me." If he already admitted how much it hurt him each time he left, idk what he's supposed to say at this point.. "please, stay and love me"? also "please, tell me what happened all those years ago isn't my fault" (he won't, bc he thinks it is), "please tell me you painfully missed me each time you were away too" (not to this extent, no, at least first times)?

What I personally want is same thing as in a fic for Rin to ask him to just tell him the truth, ask him to "please, I need you to talk". Gradually, step by step, from the beginning, all that's been eating him up all this years. Just to please tell Rin everything, so he could honestly reassure him, clear up all their misunderstandings, just TALK.

Bc if he let it all out, Rin can easily erase all of Haru's doubts and that nonsense that he is the reason why Rin never stays, that he was the reason he left in the first place etc, and eradicate the root of the problem, after this Haru would stop reacting to each time Rin leaves for a grocery store as if it's WW3.

P.S. I honestly think everyone should just go turn on Sam Smith - My Oasis and cry with Haru, bc this is probably the closest it can come to explain how he feels and just the whole mood for this situation rn. Like I've made a gifset to this a while ago, but rn the whole song is just super on point.

P.P.S. what I'm saying shortly is we all know how you can stop Haru's struggles easily, but what they would come up with hell if I know.

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[jiminrings]

bffff! I just read loving you is all I know and I can't tell you how much I cried 🥺 it's 00:42 am and I'm bundle up in-between many blankets, cause that hurt so baaaaaad (but so good, yknow?)

It's sad to see how much Tae doesn't want her through the year, looking at her more like a burden than a aid, the way he talks to her when the hickey showed up, all the screaming and the ways he would let her know she isn't wanted there...

She was trying so hard because she likes her job and she loves likes her human, but seeing her loose her light in a year is so hard, the day she was more excited than anything is the same day she doesn't want to remember. When he said he doesn't want her anymore it felt like she knew that day will happen, she wasn't ready but she took her distance and brace herself for the impact, she got the moment to say her goodbye 😭

On a brighter light, I can't express the love I have for Jimin, Jin, Namjoon and Jungkook. I mean, Jimin making sure she's alright, helping her and being the best mentor/friend anyone could wish for, Jungkook being like don't hurt my bestie bc i will END you and it shows how much they love each other!, Namjoon being the cautious one but in the end, having a soft spot just for her and her bubbling personality, also I feel the share some kind of bond because he saw her wings, something she doesn't let anyone! Jin, he doesn't know her that much but he's ready to fight and protect her, top friends of the year 🥺🧡

I love this so so much and I can't wait for the second part!! u are so talented 😭 im gonna go cry a little bit more

im sending lots of hugs and forehead kisses!!! u the best!! <3

IM SO SORRY TO MAKE U CRY BESTIE BUT PLS IM SO HAPPY because if i remember correctly, i’ve made u cry at like 9 am before w my previous fics (and 12 in the morning now seems to fit ur schedule very well) 😭😭 also yes :(( this is the first time i’ve explicitly narrated the duration of time in a fic and looking back at it now, tae and y/n’s “growth” was extremely rocky given their dynamic!! she knew all along that it would happen but nonetheless, she took things in stride even if it would harm her :(( jimin, jin, namjoon, and jungkook are the SWEETEST and in a way, their oc’s guardian angels!!! jimin having the unspoken, soft type of love > jin having the newly-formed yet dedicated type of love > jungkook having the strong, vocal type of love > and finally, namjoon having the curious, slow type of love!!! creating joon’s character was extra special for me because he’s the one who’s been with tae the closest, and him having to give way to someone whom he barely knows but is destined, is just !!! whew !!!! thank you so so much babe i love u!!! SENDING U ALL MY HUGS AND FOREHEAD KISSES RN

[captainjanegay]

Kasia’s Festival of Fondness - Holiday Edition ♥

It's super late on Christmas Eve (which is the most important day of holiday celebrations in Poland, just a fun fact dnsjjs) or early af on Christmas Day, depends how you look at it dhsjsj and I'm kinda in a food coma and having a beer with my brother. I've been thinking about doing this for a while and there's no time to share some love and affection than the Christmas times. So bear with my sappy self for a while, would ya?

This year sucked a lot. It's been the weirdest time all of us had to go through, it was filled with anxiety and worry and isolation. So now, more than ever, I'm so thankful to have so many incredible people in my life. People I've never actually met in my life but who make me so incredibly happy and brighten up every single one of my days. People who live miles and miles away but are somehow one of the closest ones to me. People whom I love deeply and meeting them was the best thing that happened to me. People who are going to get an incredibly sappy shoutout from me right now and will have to read through all my late-night, slightly-drunk but oh-so-sincere rambling. In no particular order, here we go:

@steverrogers

My sweetest Becky. I will forever cherish the day we first talked because it was a start of something beautiful. I love talking to you, you're such an amazing and interesting person, so smart and beautiful inside and out, so funny and supportive. Not one day passes without you making me smile by whatever lovely thing you say to me, by popping up on my dash or by popping up in my thoughts all of sudden (which happens a lot). You're so caring and sweet and 12 out of 10 times I don't know how to handle your sweetness. I love being able to help you with learning polish (and the fact that you're doing this is just so??? I'm in awe, this language is hell dhsjsj). I could talk to you for for hours or just sit in silence with you for hours and I'll look forward to the day you come to kidnap me :') I love you endlessly 💜✨💚

@hbalbat

I've said that already and I'm gonna say this again and again - you're such a ray of sunshine in the life of every person that has you in their life, Helena. You're so sweet and loving and you care so deeply about all your friends here. It's so amazing to see and being on the receiving end of your love and affection?? It's unreal 💚 I love hearing about your day or about your likes, dislikes or struggles. Even when the world feels overwhelming, you are always able to get up and face it and you're so much stronger than you let yourself believe. You're such a talented, artistic soul and I love you endlessly. You brought a smile to my face so many times and you were able to do this even when I was feeling so low and I'll forever be thankful for your bright and wonderful presence in my life. I love you so much, my sweet pumpkin.

@its-tortle

Luisa, my heart 💚 You are amazing and I'm in awe of you. You're such a beautiful force of energy, love and kindness and I'm always so incredibly happy when this force is directed towards me. You're such an incredible writer and every time you compliment my work I'm like "??? You say this is good but have you actually read your own writing?? How is this possible??". Your comments on my works make me cry real tears. And the card you've sent me? It's so sweet and I'll keep it forever, having something that you've actually held and wrote just for me is so great 💚 You have such a huge and loving heart and being your friend is an incredible privilege that I'll be grateful forever. Thank you for being so supportive and caring, you deserve all the good things in life and I love you to the moon and back 🥺💚

@buckybees

My loveliest Bee, you're so incredibly talented and both your fanarts and fanfics always makes me smile so much? You have the greatest ideas and I'm in awe of how creative and amazing your mind is. You are also so sweet and talking to you is always an absolute pleasure. And the fact that you're part polish makes me so happy? As you've once said, it's like we have this special connection and it's so amazing 💚 You're so nice and supportive and my heart always goes !!!! when you pop up in my notifs :') Having you as a friend makes me so happy and I can't wait for your card (even if it comes in July I'm gonna cry the happiest tears, just thinking that you've sent me one makes me so happy :')) 💚 you make me so happy and I love you loads 💚

@anna-wa

My lovely Anna 💚 I'm so so happy you're still puttin up with me even despite my fandom change and ironically (or not) I think we're now talking more than ever? And it makes me so happy? You're such an amazing person and I love hearing your thoughts and opinions. And you're also so caring and amazing. I've said this a milion times already but the day you've pointed out I probably have ADHD was life-changing and it really helped my mental well-being so much 🥺 You're amazing, talented and the best friend one could dream off. I love you so much and I hope only good things happen to you because you deserve all the happiness and softness the universe has to offer 💚 I love you a whole lot 💚✨

@farfromthstars

My sweet, amazing Pia 💚 you're one of my oldest friends on here and even though we don't talk as much as we used to you're in my thoughts a lot. You've always been nothing but amazing to me and I'll forever be in awe of all the kindness and affection I've gotten from you. I've became obsessed with so many things because (or thanks to, it depends dnsjjs) of you and I love how many of our interests align. I'm so proud of you and you're all of my all-time fave authors, you're so talented :') You're like an older sister I always wanted to have dhsjsj 💚 I love you so much and as messy as the 1d fandom can be, I'll forever be grateful that it brought us together :')

@ziallerslouve

Annika, my sweetheart! 💚 We don't talk as much as we used to but you're still one of my favourite people on here. I love that we can go for months without talking or interacting in any way but then we just go back to where we were and just catch up without any awkwardness (and for my weird af communication skills - or lack of thereof - it's the most comforting thing? 🥺). We have so much in common and I love that you always get me so well 💚 You're so great and it's so amazing to have you as a friend 💚

@mysterious-marvel

Milly, my sweetest! Every time I see you on my dash it puts the biggest smile on my face! You're so talented and sweet and I love and cherish every single interaction we have 💚 You're so supportive and incredible and beautiful inside and out, I'm so happy I've joined the marvel fandom and was able to meet you 💚

@metalbvcky

Mandy, you precious soul! 💚 We didn't talk as much but I love you so much? You're so sweet and kind and you always brighten up my dash. And the fact that you decided to organise a secret Santa event to brighten up this hell of a year is just so amazing! You have a huge and beautiful heart and I adore you so much. Also I'm soooo excited to read "Mercury in Retrograde"?? It sounds so incredible and since you're an amazing writer I know I'll love it :')

@sexiestvampirevictim

Lidia, you're an ethereal creature and I still don't know what have I done for you to bless my life with your presence. I love you so much and your continuing support means everything to me 💚 You're wonderful and amazing and nobody gets my uni struggles as well as you do fjsjsj you always make sure that I won't bury myself in a hole of uni-related self-hatred and I really wish things could be better for you but knowing that I'm not alone is really reassuring :') 💚 you're an unstoppable force and you can conquer the world (and you should tbh, it would be such an incredible place if you did) and I love you as much an many there are stars in the sky

@christmascap

Lauren, my love! I'm still in awe that you're following me, you're like the cool, popular mutual I've had and always admired from afar but then you started talking to me and I'm not sure what to do now? You're so talented and your edits and ficlets are so heartbreakingly good. I can't understand why they don't get more attention because there just so beautiful and everyone should see them. And you're such a warm and kind person, you're always so sweet to your followers and I bet you're so much fun to be around irl :') I know that no matter what obstacles the world throws your way, you're able to overcome them all. I love you loads and while I'm still kinda nervous while talking you (I don't even know why!! You're such a sweetheart! 💚) I wanted you to know that I adore you so much 💚💚

@hufflepufsh

Huffy, my little angel! You're also one of my favourite friends on here and even if were basically in completely different fandoms rn, I'm so thankful that you're in my life! We can go without talking for ages and they we just pop up into each others Inbox and declare our undying love and I think it's beautiful?? You're so amazing and we've known each other for so long and you're like a constant in my life and every time I see you on my dash it makes me so happy, even if I have no idea what you're blogging about dhsjsj I lava you and I'll give you everything 💚💚

@lepetitcomte

.

My most wonderful Mum 💚 I love you and I'd die for you. I suck at maintaining conversations but I think about you a lot. And I mean like a lot. I always send good vibes your way and when you feel a random warmness in your heart it's my vibes finally making it across the ocean. You're so incredibly smart and you've always been so supportive and kind and wonderful to me. Even when we don't talk I'm eternally grateful you're a part of my life. You've gotta piece of my heart and being your daughter is an honour I have no idea how I deserved 💚

.

Also a huge shout-out to @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier @ywecanthavenicethingsanymore @hannah-stagram @ceilingventclintbarton @lifeishell @reedstorm @justice-for-plums @samrhodey for being literal angels and brightening my dash with their presence and brightening my life with every single interaction we've ever had :') 💚💚

I'm probably forgetting so many people and I'm so sorry for that. It's been so long since I've started writing it in my notes and my brain power is getting low fjsjsj I love and cherish every single mutual and every single follower I have no matter if we ever interacted or not. You all make me so happy and you make my days so much more bearable. The unbelievable amount of love and support I've gotten from you warms my heart and it's going to make me burst one day :') thank you for putting up with me through this post and through every single day, I'm in awe you still follow this mess of a blog and continue to give me your affection and love. I love you endlessly 💚💚💚

[damn-behzinga]

Falling

Tobi Brown (tbjzl) X Reader

summary - You and Tobi keep things on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl?

warnings - cheating, heartbreak, swearing, my terrible writing

request - idk if ur taking requests rn or not but if u dont like fluff, what about some angst w tobi? like ur seeing eachother and an argument or something idk tbh lmao. also i think ur fluff has been good so don’t doubt urself:)

a/n - why did i almost cry whilst writing this??? also heavily inspired by Falling by Harry Styles

masterlist & request info

You and Tobi were together, it was secret you kept from your friends. It was scary for Tobi to commit but you decided to stay by his side during all the hard times. 

Tobi had sat you down and told you that he was genuinely scared of commitment. You had asked him if a relationship was a good idea. Tobi had insisted and promised that he wouldn't hurt you. And so, the two of you got into a relationship.

You were at a party with your large friend group and many people you hadn't met before. You and Tobi had to distance yourself so you didn't accidentally reveal your relationship. 

You weren't a heavy drinker but you would get yourself tipsy enough to have the courage to dance, so that's where you were now.

You were dancing with the girls all yelling the lyrics. Talia grabbed your hand and spun you. As you spun, you noticed Tobi leaning in towards a girl you hadn't met before. You suddenly stopped mid-spin as your jaw dropped. The girls didn't fail to notice as Talia grabbed your arm to ask if you were okay, trying to look at your face. Freya followed your gaze and saw what you were staring at. You smiled at the girls and swallowed thickly.

"I'm sorry, I think I'm going to go early." You felt tears pool at your eyes. You chuckled and pushed your way through the crowd. The girls nodded understanding and watched you leave. You quickly got into a taxi that was parked outside and made your way home, eager to forget about the night that quickly turned sour.

Freya had stormed up to Tobi after you left, pulling him away from the girl to a quiet corridor where Talia waited.

"What the fuck did you do?" Freya almost immediately exclaimed. "Y/n went home crying without a word! Care to explain?"

"Where is she?" Tobi asked, realising what had happened.

"At home," Talia answered. "What did you do? Does it have to do with the girl you flirting with?"

"Why do you need to know?" Tobi rolled his eyes. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? You and Y/n are some of my closest friends and if you think about hurting her and getting away with it then I don't want you as a friend." Freya was fuming and grabbed Talia's hand before swiftly pulling her outside the club. Tobi booked his Uber letting a few of his friends know that he was leaving.

He arrived outside your apartment and knocked until Freya answered the door.

"What are you doing here?" Tobi asked.

"I could ask you the same question," Freya replied, her face blank.

"Let him in. I need to say talk to him." He heard your voice. Freya sighed slightly, opening the door to let him in. 

Your breath hitched when he walked in. Tobi immediately felt guilty when he saw the mascara tear tracks and your red brimmed eyes.

"Y/n, can I explain?" Tobi asked but you held your hand up, stopping him from moving any closer.

"I don't want to hear it." You stated firmly despite your shaky voice. "Tobi, I trusted you. You told me you were scared of a relationship and that's fine. If you wanted out, you could've told me not hurt me by flirting with someone else."

"It didn't go any further than that," Tobi said.

You let out a few tears. "Tobi, you still went out of your way to flirt with someone whom you aren't committed to. I can handle banter and flirting as jokes, but you looked like you wanted to take her home. You didn't think about your girlfriend as you flirted with someone else. You kissed her Tobi. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

You let out a sob and Tobi could almost hear your heartbreak.

"Please, I can explain!" Tobi said.

"No, you can't. You leaned in Tobi, you made no effort to stop her. There is no explanation to why you would do something like that. This is over Tobi." You stated firmly.

"Wait-" Tobi tried but Freya cut him off.

"I think you should leave Tobi." She stated, and Tobi could see hurt in her eyes but she tried to show that she was strong.

Tobi sighed but nodded. "I never meant to hurt you." He said when he reached the door.

"Well, you did but I suppose you'll still be a hero at the end of the day." You stated and you soon heard the door shut and all the tears came pouring out.

Freya and Talia sat with you and cried but soon had to leave to go to their respective homes. You understood and changed out of your clothes into your pyjamas and quickly fell asleep, the events of the night quickly tiring you out.

You woke up and stared at the ceiling. You opened your phone and saw the lack of usual good morning messages from Tobi which reminded you of the events from the previous night.

You did, however, have messages from the girl group chat letting you know that you were all going to go out for the day. You denied, knowing you wouldn't make it through the day without crying or seeing him. So, you wrapped yourself in a blanket and laid on the sofa. You turned on Educating Yorkshire and grabbed yourself a bowl of cereal. 

It was around 2 PM when you heard a knock on your door. You sighed as you opened it but you were grateful to see Talia, Freya, and Gee holding some alcohol and a Tesco bag full of your favourite snacks.

You were heartbroken and it hurt like Hell but as you shared jokes with your friends, you realised that this feeling would pass. Because, by surrounding yourself with the people that love you, you could conquer anything and nothing will stop you. You could feel love and validated without relying on a guy who hurt you.

Yeah, things will start looking up for you.

[judesstfrancis]

so I was late to asking u things and I don't want u to have to repeat yourself so answer all the questions in the thing that you haven't already answered thank u 😌

the way I had to pull out my laptop to answer these bc I couldn’t keep them straight on my phone clipboard................ fdskjfsdkj I think I’m gonna put most of these under a read more so they don’t take up too much dash space. thank u!! <3

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

honestly I’m great! it is currently almost 2 in the morning but my day was nice, I got some new clothes, did my laundry, made a good dinner...good vibes all around, loving it for me rn

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I haven’t really listened to a lot of new music lately dkfjskj I think the most recent new artist I started listening to was orville peck?? but that was back in like february

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

uhh when I’m at home. yes I’m a homebody <3

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home? 

truly it’s with the thots I just feel so at ease

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

it’s just easy, u know? like no matter what we’re doing, even if we’re just vibing on our own together, it’s nice. I can tell them absolutely anything and it’s not weird and I don’t have to force it out at all

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

ok first I always see if any of my friends are busy fkdjsfkj and if they aren’t I see if they wanna just chill or w/e but otherwise just like. turning some music up and sitting in my room with a book/a couple movies I love is ideal for me on a day off. I am very simple I just like to chill

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

yes! there are two whole people in this world that I spill absolutely everything to bc I trust them with my life and esp when I’m sad bc they always make me feel better. talking to them when I’m having A Day is like I vent and instantly I am normal again. they know who they are I’m sure but for transparency’s sake, it’s u (robin) and maya, no one else gets to unlock my tragic backstories <3

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings? 

relaxing evenings!

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything? 

actually I am currently rewatching cycles 1 through 22 of america’s next top model, I’m on like cycle 5 rn I think. having the time of my life, thanks for asking

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

I am very much more into creative endeavors, like work-wise, but I feel like the way I think about things is much more analytical. like I prefer Making things, writing or various crafts or what have u, but even when I create I think about the things I’m doing like analytically?? so ig left-brained

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it? 

boy with squirrel by john singleton copley. I love him

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

interesting question! I have no idea. maybe birds? like a finch, maybe. they seem like they have fun

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other? 

this one is hard for me to answer bc like. I truly have no idea what a “type” is idk if that’s an ace thing or what. no? maybe? all the people I’ve had crushes on have been vastly different, in terms of like physical looks so probably not actually. I’m not attracted to muscular people tho bc I don’t think they have feelings <3

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

once again I have never pictured a date. I just want to hold hands! I think for the ideal first date question I said it just had to be going somewhere where we could Do things together, like walking around a museum or going through shops downtown or something, and that does still apply here, but for the sake of shaking it up, uhh...idk maybe staying in and watching a movie. like not at a theater no one needs to know my business like that but like. at a House. whoever’s, I’m not picky, again ideally I just want to hold hands.

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

yes. literally if the first thing u do is kiss me I am okay with it. I’m 23 someone just take the shot and kiss me already I’m going crazy over here

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to? 

really looking forward to the holidays personally I got everyone some really good gifts this year and I can’t wait to hand them out. also my copy of 13 storeys is supposed to finally ship out this week, for real this time! so that’s exciting too

violet rose; what does your dream house look like? 

u know that idealized house with the yellow paint and the white trim? yes. just small and cute and homey

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down? 

I guess not?? I’d like to be somewhere near my mom bc she’s important to me but like. as long as I’m living with someone I love it doesn’t really matter where I don’t think

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

uh. settling down to me equates to like falling in love and living together so honestly that could happen any time. I need to get a job before we live together so I can like Help Out but like. really any time

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I have not been to a lot of places! I’ve been to new york, and san diego, and like. phoenix outside of where I live so. actually if I can include like buildings in places I would like to say that one opera house I went to in new york. I learned I wasn’t a fan of operas BUT I also learned those chandeliers were cool as hell

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

I’m usually in a good mood, I think? my baseline mood is genuinely just like. happy/chill, pero I think the last time I felt Euphoria (tm) was a couple days ago when my mom and I made a really nice dinner together and my brother was there and we just played board games all night

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

I have this recurring habit of waking up from dreams but only barely so when I fall back asleep it feels like I just woke up within the dream? anyway the last one was like that but in one of the times I ‘woke up’ I looked out the window and instead of outside there was like this. static photo of buffalo grazing in open fields?? and it was like green screened kinda, so when I move the image moved with my line of sight it was weird. that’s how I knew it was a dream and woke myself up again, only to immediately fall back asleep and feel like I was waking up from a dream within a dream again

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I think living with friends would be cool. like I want to have a significant other I live with but also if we lived with other friends that would be fun. kids, maybe! would be something I’d have to discuss with whatever partner I have in the future. if yes to kids, max two. also I don't want babies, preferably I would adopt older children. pets absolutely, however many doesn’t matter. I’m open to just living in a house with the love of my life and like twelve dogs, that’s ok with me

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

I do like my name! I think it’s nice and it feels like it fits me. I don’t think I’d change it ever, but if I did I think maybe I’d go with jude bc yes I do love to project <3

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

it’s a tie between suntan lotion and the lumber aisle of any hardware store

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

vanilla rooibos tea supremacy!

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

lots of flowers, first of all. also some kitchen herbs. maybe some fruits!

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

yes <3 I want to force people to listen to my pretentious horror opinions and get paid for it

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

look I just have to say it: I’m hot. last night I took a photo and saw my nose from the side and went “omg who IS she” like it’s cute. I’M cute. I’ve seen my ass in the mirror and nothing can top it, sorry

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

all I’m getting is those scenes from horror movies where eerie whistling starts and like birds start going crazy

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

I think so?? I’d like to be more financially secure, pero. I think for the most part yeah I’m alright

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

ireland and greece for sure, ireland is the one I have most planned out in my head. ig maybe england for the third one, just bc I know my mom wants to go and also I’m very bad at geography so I don’t know what counts as a country. I had to look all these up, I do want to visit them tho, genuinely! esp ireland

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

the one I’m most fluent in is spanish! and I’m still cracking along at russian, currently I can hold a conversation with like a 4 year old and we can understand each other, it’s pretty cool. I really wanna get into learning irish!! I have a few resources downloaded onto my phone I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

a little life <3 yes I hate it when things are sad just to be sad yes this is my favorite book I contain multitudes

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

the burbs! I’ve seen it so many times but it always hits

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

the day IS over it’s like two thirty am now but uh. drink some water before I sleep probably

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

I post the “kirby’s fucking pissed” meme on twitter and then I ask u (robin) if I can yell for like five minutes and then I feel valid and then I am normal again

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

it’s a little bit jock and it’s a little bit 1980s skater boy but the best way I can really Describe it is just “gay”

[thefledglingdm]

7, 37 & 38, please! 💕

aaaaaaaaaaa thank you!!!!! these are SO POSITIVE, thank you for sending this after a v stressful day bc i am an anxious child. this got a little (very) long so the answer is below the cut!!!! thank you again!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

oh there are SO MANY parts of once that i am incredibly proud of???? like that’s one of the best pieces i’ve written in a long time. it was hard to pick, but i think the moment riza realizes she’s truly in love with roy is my favorite in that work:

She inhaled, breath shaky. She needed to get herself back under control. “But you are about to do something reckless. Something wrong. I swore to protect you the day I agreed to work with you. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m pointing a gun at your head.” Damn it, damn it, her hand was starting to shake and her voice crack and she needed to be stronger than this. Every breath was agony when she said, “This is pure hatred, and I will not let it take you.”

You will not, Riza vowed. She spoke it to the universe. She would spit in God’s face if They came down to try and argue with her.

You will not have him. You cannot take him. You will not take the man I love.

And of course, of course that’s the moment she knew what this was. That she gave in and stopped denying and pretending. Riza Hawkeye loved Roy Mustang with every fiber of her being, with everything that she was, and that knowledge settled over her like a blanket and yet changed nothing because she had loved him for years. It was as if she had been looking at all of her memories through a filter, and now with the haze gone she can see the sharpness of the lines and brilliance of the colors and she loved him, she loved him, she loved him.

i just. *jenny slate scream.* the pain. the love. the drama and angst of realizing that she loved him and didn’t want to live without him at the exact moment she was closest to losing him forever (literally and metaphorically), which is then mirrored by roy in the next scene???? i’m weak.

37. Talk about your current wips.

ok there are 2 big ones. the flame-witch and deadshot, my role-reversal FMAB fic, which is just. i’m sorry i haven't updated it i’m at this really frustrating writer’s block where i KNOW what happens next, i just don’t know how we GET there exactly. there are so many things i can’t wait to SHOW YOU ALL because there were some questions that i had after watching the series that weren’t answered, that we are going to dive into and answer together. also the what-ifs spiraled out and i just. what would a riza raised by a lone berthold look like? how would that affect how she saw the world? what if roy was a sniper wouldn’t that be sexy? how would riza react to ishval? how would she build her team, what would happen? how would she and roy build this incredible trust and friendship and fall in love if they don’t have the history of growing up together? because they WILL fall in love have no fear.

i also can’t write about the flame-witch without giving a shout-out to @royaidaydreams, who is the editor and the wall i bounce ideas off of who usually bounces better things back at me. she is so awesome and amazing and i really really appreciate all the work she’s done in making that fic what it is!!!! (she’s also just really sweet & cool)

and THEN there’s the blood runs stale, which is a hunter x hunter vigilante au. which is just pouring out of me rn because i am at the whims of my muse, sorry. sweet, sexy, pining kurapika who is a badass with a heart of gold who turns into a marshmallow when he sees the tall glass of water that is dr. leorio paladiknight. it’s fun and cheesy and campy and the found family is real. i also want to write another leopika that is straight-up the opposite and is the long-winded, mutual-pining, slow-burn, enemies-to-friends-to-lovers campy smut fest. so look out for that bullshit.

what i’m learning is i love writing about trauma? ok that sounds weird and shitty but like. i think stories and writing can be a cathartic release and a means for people to see themselves in a story, and by reading about/watching someone else heal, they can begin to do so, too. (though that’s not for everyone and that’s super valid/important!) i work in a really high-emotional-octane field, and i think the ways that people heal and move on from trauma - in the good, bad, messy, “weird,” complicated, ugly ways - are endlessly fascinating to read about and discuss because trauma is not pretty and i don’t want to romanticize it, but i want to write stories for whom people can see that anyone can heal from what they’ve been through and find something a bit better at the end of it? a fic i once read had a line that read “isn’t the point of working so things get better that they actually get better?” and that literally changed my life. griftings if you’re out there i love you. but yeah those are my wips

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

truly? all of them. any of them. if you so much as breathed on my fics i lost my mind. thank you so much. 

but ummmm. yours, miss firewood-figs, are always lovely!!!! and so sweet!!!!! as is @kallutozoldyck whose reviews are always highly anticipated and just so very nice and aaaaaaa? aaaa!!!! 

but also the user MissSteph22 sent me a gif (YOU CAN ADD GIFS TO AO3 REVIEWS!!!!!) in their very essay review for and i’ve been so lost without you (are you lost without me, too?) which made me cry??? 

honestly tho if you’ve ever clicked on something i wrote i face-planted into my pillow and yelled thank you ALL. sorry again this was so long i hope this doesn’t come across as self-absorbed thank you for reading and this ask and aaaaaaa!!!!!

[miyaniacs]

Im really feeling empty like there is no point to me. Im just a waste of space. I offer no value to this would and Im a piece of shit. Ive made so many mistakes and I just hate myself i cant stand the sight of my own reflection. Ive tried to do things that made me happy but it all just feels empty and numb. I dont have anyone really and honestly I dont deserve anyone. I've lost the ability to even cry anymore I'm just a shell of a person. I dont have any fight left. sorry bugging you.

You aren’t bugging me.

I know that feeling of feeling numb / just neutral - and hny don’t feel like you don’t deserve anyone. If those around you don’t value you, it’s their fault. I know how hard it is to feel lonely, I was bullied in school and my whole class turned their backs against me - idk your relationship to your parents / family, but have you tried to talk to them?

Or are you participating in any sports club / or painting group etc - anything that helps you get into contact with other people that aren’t those you‘re normally around?

Also what helps me when I can’t look into the mirrow is : cleaning out my closet, taking a shower, laying in bed listening to music

But, try to force yourself to tell yourself something positive whenever you look into the mirror - for every negative comment you tell yourself - say a good one too. Even if it’s just that you made it getting out of bed today or that you held open a door for someone.

And yes - you still have a fight to left & you won’t leave before you won that fight. It’s the fight against yourself and it’s a really hard one. Literarily I struggled with this myself- and what really helps are real friends- those who encourage you, those who you can text at 4 am telling them what mess your mental state is rn & who will also call you out on your bullshit. And if you can’t find those in your close surroundings rn - then make the circle bigger. Look or friends online, I’m literally at my friends rn - whom I met due to a Facebook group chat about idk 6/7 years ago and she’s one of my closest friends now.

And you have a value, at least one person is happy that you’re here. That they met you in their life.

Just keep on fighting. It’s really always the worst until it gets better. Yet it will get better. Just don’t give up. And please if it’s possible for you get some professional help.

I love you and I’m rooting for you- you‘ll win this fight love ❤️

[elinaline]

Got tagged by @mixmio​ thanks ! my brain does not want to focus on work these days so perfect

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

it’s like. black. I rarely use it though, because if I brush my hair it looks like a bomb exploded on my head fdjkfh so I untangle it after putting in conditioner and usually I just fight it with my bare hands in the morning

2. name of a food you never eat?

cucumber. fuck that vegetable it’s disgusting way too smelly and the texture is fucking horrible

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

too warm !!!!!! and it’s only gonna get worse (: woohoo

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was being anxious lmao, and weirdly emotional because of that playlist spotify gave me. Also thinking about how to formulate the things I want on my report for my precedent internship that I still need to conclude.

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

is it twix ? is it mars ? I never know the difference carambar good also

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

I used to be in the official orchestra of a professional rugby team so I’ve been to a few dozens official sports events actually !! I’ll always remember the patrouille the France oing over our head as we were playing for a France-Ireland match in Bordeaux, that was amazing, and Irish rugby fans are so fun :)

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

“oh it’s bubbling up !” talking about a cake I’m trying to do with sourdough starter

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

fucking uuuhhhhh blueberry ? there’s no better ice cream taste than one made from wild blueberries that you went out in the moutain to pick with your family after noticing a good spot during a hike :3

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

orange juice 5mins ago

10. do you like your wallet?

yeah ? it’s convenient I.... it’s got lots of pockets ? idk it’s sturdy wh. that’s a weird question actually

11. what was the last thing you ate?

lunch made by my roommate ! also a bit of the paste from aforementioned cake lol

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

no I don’t intend on buying new clothes until a loooonnnngggg time I don’t particularly need any plus like. quarantine lol.

13. last sporting event you watched?

uh.

the. no wait ? no that’s it probably bits of the tour de france last summer ?

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

there are different flavors between salt and sugar ???????????? anyways salted popcorn is absolutely disgusting so. sugar. there are different flavors ? what a wild world we live in

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

@breadstyx​ I was talking to them about the cake

16. ever go camping?

rarely

we were supposed to go camping this weekend, since it’s a long one what with May 8, with my class as sort of like one last big event altogether but :) fuck us I guess lol

17. do you take vitamins?

I used to in highschool bc I had toxoplasmosis and it fucking drained me. I’ve also taken some magnesium complements this year because I had vertigo caused by stress because it was such a nice year for me (: (: (:

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

LMAOOOOO NO

19. do you have a tan?

I’ve been stuck inside for the last two months and there is basically no direct sun in my apartment. so. I’m white as fuck rn

I’ll get SO sunburnt as soon as I can go outside lol but catch me rolling in the grass as soon as they reopen the parks, I haven’t seen grass in 52 days fuck off. Like knowing we’d get out of quarantine but that the parks would still be closed for a while did a funny number on my mental health hahaaaa

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

I’m not a big Chinese food fan generally :/ also what kind of pizza are we talking about ?

21. do you drink soda with a straw?                      

before I answer this question I need to know what you define as soda because I’ve never understood what non French people meant by that. also generally I don’t use straws apart for like milkshakes and smoothies

22. what colour socks do you wear?

right now I’m barefoot

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I haven’t driven in years my guy fdkfh but usually no I’m exactly at the speed limit I’m terrified of driving and I hate it SO

24. what terrifies you?

like, right now, or ? in general ? I’m terrified of every countries around slowly turning into authoritarian regimes and not being able to do shit, I’m terrified of the general mistrust towards science I can see in the general public, I’m terrified of the rise of fascism, I’m terrified of climate change in a very short term idea because I can’t bear many more summers above 45°C and in the long term because I’d like today’s kids to have a future, I’m terrified of never being enough and not getting a PhD funding, I’m terrified people will get bored of me or think I’m not useful anymore and leave me and I’d have to rebuild myself from zero again, I’m terrified of the general idea of losing control, I’m terrified of big empty spaces, I’m terrified of causing harm of any kind without being able to control or reduce it. You know the usual dose of existential fear and then some, and then some more for good measure haha :)

25. look to your left what do you see?

a calendar

26. what chore do you hate?

doing the dishes and getting the bin out because it hurts my back

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

":)” loved going to Melbourne would love to go back I miss my friend there

28. what’s your favourite soda?

seriously define soda first. If you mean drink with bubble I don’t like any of them basically. If you mean processed drink with an average of five sugar cubes per can I’d say Oasis ? or Ice Tea

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

never been to a drive through. fast foods yeah ! there used to be a Declercq (it’s like belgian fries, v good, v greasy, perfect for a friday night with friends) near my school but they had an oil fire so it burned down :( so now the alternative for greasy fries is BK

30. who was the last person you talked to?

@breadstyx​ whom I sent a message to about the cake. IRL I live with my roommate so.

t31. favourite cut of beef?

one that’s tender ? you think I know perfectly which cut is what and not that I don’t buy the cheapest one when I feel like polluting a lot with what I eat ?

32. last song you listened to?

I’m currently listening to a spotify playlist. I’s currently playing hang on

Willow tree by twin wild i’ve never heard of these guys but ok

33. last book you read?

oh fuck I’m in a “unable to read” period lmao. Probably one of the October Daye series uh. The one where her mom comes to steal her fiance and her twin

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihfedcba

took a while but I think it’s correct ? It’s like. I know sequences that are easy to invert and I need to link them together that’s the tricky part

35. how do you like your coffee?

black

36. favourite pair of shoes?

Before I bought my docks I had those huge bulgy shoes that I loved because no one could step on my feet in the metro, but the insole started caving in in a weird way and it hurt my ankle so I had to stop wearing them :(

37. the time you normally go to bed?

(: NORMALLY around midnight, but rn it’s more like. between 1 and 2 am when I’m not too bad

38. the time you normally wake up?

NORMALLY around 8 but I’ve decided 9.30 would be good, and I usually am able to get up only by 10am

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

I’m usually not awake for sunrises but both are good. I like the hour JUST after sunset best because it’s like. you can see daysky on one side and nightsky on the other, and everything is sort of blue or sort of orange

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

one

41. describe your kitchen plates?

they’re round and kinda concave so that food doesn’t get out ? I? do you have many weird questions like that

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I’m a sucker for a good piña colada but it’s hard to get them exactly right, like the balance between too sweet and too creamy is subtle

43. do you play cards?

in highschool I used to but I’ve forgotten all the game we’d do

44. what colour is your car?

don’t have one

45. can you change a tire?

lmao

46. your favourite province?

If we’re talking french region, Aquitaine is the closest I’ve ever felt to being home I guess ? I love the Pyrenées as well, all three old regions I don’t know the new ones fdfsdhfsdf

47. favourite job you’ve had?

I’ve only ever done summer camp counselor as a summer job, and I’ve had both a traumatising experience filled with sexual harassment and a really good experience that helpes me get more self confident so.

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

it’s not really a scar it’s a bump on my head that never left, I hit my brother in the garden pool at full speed when I was 7

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

afaik nothing but I’m about to put this cake to bake SO

I am tagging uuuuuuuuuhhh say @sunny-day-sky andddd @queerlynx but like. don’t feel pressured to do it, it’s a Lot

[talk-geek-to-me]

All the ones you didn't do in the last ask!

So I’m finally getting around to doing this. and you fUCKING HATE ME. This is gonna be hella long.  (she asked for all of them)

This is for the WaterColor asks that I posted last night

Zinc White: how are you really feeling today? I’m very tired tbh like all i wanna do today is sleep rn. very tired

Cadmium Yellow: When you think of the word “happy” what's the first thing that comes to mind? ummmmm probably my boyfriend and the very funny moments you and i share

Lemon: What’s your comfort food? Ben and Jerry’s Brownie Batter Core Ice cream. that shit makes me feel better immediately

Hansa Yellow: What’s your guilty pleasure song? honestly idk, but i will tell you the song that I cant get enough of and its All Time Low by Jon Bellion. like i honestly cant get enough of it rn

Yellow Ochre: Name an artist/band whom you just discovered and cant get enough of. right now its the song that I just said in the last ask. but the band? shit ummmmmm, idk but i’ve been listening to anything in my liked playlist from spotify. so it varies

Naples Yellow: where do you feel most at home? uh, i dont really know. I moved to Idaho so i haven’t figured that most yet

Raw Sienna: with whom do you feel most at home? my boyfriend. I miss him so much and I honestly cant wait till i see him next

Golden Ochre: describe the relationship with your closest friend. JESS *insert random thing that im currently screaming about*

Golden Deep: what’s your favorite season? fall, i can wear converse and hoodies and be comfortable

Cadmiun orange: What do you like to do on your days off? i love to do things that have to get done. like today, i did more homework than i thought i was gonna do and cleaned my bathroom. it’s been a good day.

Orange lake: do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad? I listen to music and not do my homework, just focus on me

Titans: do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings? tbh i think i prefer slow mornings cause im not a morning person so that gives me time to sleep in

Shaknazaryan Red: are you currently binge watching anything? CRIMINAL MINDS

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)? i think i’m a bit of both

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it? not really theres a picture i really like tho. here’s the link! https://www.pinterest.com/pin/46865652355803785/

english red; what animal do you relate to most? honestly, a raven

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent? british, like tom holland and tom hiddleston british

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other? ....jess you know. but for those of you who don’t know, its the bad boy type... seriously, bucky barnes, loki, and according to jess its the dark-haired, chiseled features, built af, don’t worry, she made a point, like all the famous people im attracted to... all contain the same things that my boyfriend contains. my boyfriend is dark haired, chiseled features, thicc 

scarlet; describe your current crush/es. DARK HAIR, CHISELED FEATURES, BAD BOY TYPE BOYFRIEND

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like? honestly, i dont have one

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like? dont have one

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date? considering i kissed my boyfriend within the first hour of meeting him, sure

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now? im actually keeping up with school rn and im fairly proud of myself

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to? sleep

violet rose; what does your dream house look like? windows. so many windows big kitchen, comfortable

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down? not really, i’d settle down anywhere as long as im with the man i love

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down? traveling

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to? honestly, i havent been there yet

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it? ummmm, im kinda always in a good mood?

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember? [redacted] [redacted] [redeacted] [redacted] [redacted]

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each? 2 or 3 kids, 2 dogs and hopefully a cat. married to my boyfriend

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could? NO it’s too common, its why i prefer people call me meg or megs. i hate my name.

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent? vanilla

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any? lipton pure leaf raspberry tea, and it has to be cold

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant? literally anything that i could water every once in a while and it still be alive

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog? no, my life is really boring

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives. curves, well built, purple red hair. honestly, im super comfortable with my body

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario? ya know that scene in vampire dairies when Damon is comforting Rose as she’s dying? yea it looks like that

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better? im pretty comfortable with it, just wish my boyfriend was with me

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them? ready? you’re gonna laugh jess, Romania, Ireland, England

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn? so my mom is from Chile, and she’s native in spanish, but im native in english and cant speak a lick of spanish, but i have been doing the duolingo spanish lessons and its like my latina side has woken up, but i cant speak spanish, i can read it and hear it and probably translate it for you

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book? Stalking Jack The Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far? no, im too busy with school and work that i dont have time to read anything and its making me sad. but i always have a book in my backpack just incase

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh? the first Avengers

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself? clean my fucking greasy ass face

umber; have you drank enough water today? nope, thank you for reminding me tho

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent? you, cause you always provide the best advice and make me feel like my emotions matter to you too

sepia; name five things that always make you happy. Superheroes, music, my boyfriend, my friends, and books, etc

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received? today, i was sitting in my car ordering my drink from dutch bros and someone told me that they liked my hair even tho he couldnt really see the color of it. But i get a lot of compliments from my boyfriend about my eyes

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic? shit, uhhhh, superhero murderer? 

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful! I’m gonna share with you the one that has my boyfriend going crazy 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #243

honestly too lazy to think up random song lyrics here, so just have the survey.

What is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? Nothing. You look at the clock and it’s 11:11, do you wish? I never do, no. How do you think you will look 3 years from now? I pray the fuck to god I'm finally at a weight I want. And of course more tattoos and piercings. And colored hair. What would be number one on your bucket list? Meet, thank, and hug Mark profusely while ugly crying. How old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? I don't know. You get a text message. who do you hope it is? Sara. Are there any songs that you hear that just make you wanna dance? Not really, no. Do you get any of your songs from Limewire? lol how old is this... but no. I did when it was "the thing," though. You and your best friend get in a fight. Why do you think that is? I don't know. Probably said something that came across wrong over a text. What is your biggest annoyance at the time? Financial shit. You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? Apologize to him if he's even okay with me speaking a word to him and then letting him on his way because I don't want to make him think I'm still stuck on him. I'd wanna know how things are in his life, but I don't want him to get the wrong impression. It'd be better for both of us. Have/are you depressed? I mean I'm diagnosed with depression, but it's well-managed. At the moment I'm not *depressed*, no. Did you grow up in the United States? Yeah. Never left it, even. Do you call anybody "baby"? Besides my cat and snake, no. Who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? Sara. Are your pop-ups blocked on your computer? Yeah. Do you wear earrings on a normal basis? No. How old were you when you realized that life goes on? I don't know... This is such a vague question. But I guess probably when a childhood cat disappeared or died sometime in elementary school. Are your parent’s night owls or morning birds? Well, I don't live with Dad, but Mom is a night owl more than a morning bird for sure. She can be so grouchy in the morning. Do you like to sing? Eh. Who is your favorite author? *shrugs* I don't read enough. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. What’s your favorite thing about the holidays? Seeing my niece and nephew so excited. What is your favorite type of cake? Red velvet, baby. How many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis? One. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? Multiple times. Probably WOULDN'T have been multiple if the psych hospitals here were worth a damn. Went to the same one like five-six times and one other and both sucked. It was a partial hospitalization program, WHICH ISN'T AS "SERIOUS" AS AN ACTUAL FUCKING PSYCH HOSPITALIZATION, that saved my ass. What’s your favorite brand of flavored water? None. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you take birth control pills? Not anymore, no. I was only on them for serious period pain, but as of recently my psychiatrist wanted to test out how I do mood-wise without them, especially as it was a regular occurrence for me to be borderline or actually suicidal the day before my cycle started, and the whole week leading up to it was sketchy. So far, I've been fine - I think even better. I was on it for years, and I mean your body changes, so. Do you like soy sauce? Noooooo no no no. Do you have a good doctor? My psychiatrist is literally the reason I'm alive. That's no exaggeration. I would've killed myself by now if it wasn't for him setting my medicine right. I know I would've. My therapist is great, and my primary physician is fine. What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market, ahaha. I love looking at all the reptile morphs, especially the ball pythons. Do you ever meditate on Scripture? No. Do you like poetry? Yes. Do you have expensive tastes? Nah. What is your favorite color? Pink, particularly lighter hues. Have you ever made a scrapbook? Yeah, for a little while when I was younger. What is a question you get asked too much? If my lip piercing hurt. It doesn't bother me, I'm just asked it most. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten? Zeros on things I didn't do/missed. Who are your 3 closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Chelsea, I think. Maybe Lisa. What is something you have always wanted to do? Travel somewhere cool/really memorable. What are you listening to? A playthrough of The Last Guardian. God, I wanna play it so badly. Do you like the smell of cinnamon? It's one of my favorites, omg. Are you in a relationship? No. Do you like the band Hollywood Undead? Yeah. Do you like Taco Bell? Only the quesadillas, THE CINNABON DELIGHT THINGS, and fiesta potatoes. Who was the first person you spoke to today? My mom. Who was the last? I was just texting the woman who adopted Kaiju; she's catching me up on how she's doing, and apparently great! We're trying to plan a day for me to come see her. :> Have you told anyone you loved them today? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head right now? You mentioned HU, now "Bullet" is looping in my head lol. Does it snow where you live? Sometimes, but rarely a lot. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? No. How old is your oldest living grandparent? 80-something. Do you wear contacts? No, I wear glasses, but I wish I could do contacts again considering I desperately want an undereye microdermal but it'd look stupid with glasses, so. Contacts just annoy me. Where are the last three places you went? Taco Bell, my doctor's appointment, and the gas station. Do you ever go hunting/fishing? I would never in my life hunt, and I don't even want to fish anymore. Both are cruel (hunting more than "cruel"...) imo. I'd only ever fish again if Dad asked me to go with him, because since I was a kid, that's always been our "thing," our bonding experience. I wouldn't be able to say no. Do you know anyone who is a nurse? A lot, actually. Would you prefer to own a lapdog or a bigger dog? Sigh. Didn't think I'd want a dog after Teddy, but as of very recently, I've found myself missing the companionship of one. I don't know if I'll end up with another, though, but if I do, I'd want a medium-sized one, like Teddy was. Are you more of a cat person? Yes. What is your worst subject? Math. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Yeah. Do you play guitar? Not anymore. Have you had to have stitches at all in the last year? No. Have you ever stayed up all night and then gone to work in the morning? No. That sounds like hell. How many relationships have you been in so far this year? It's a week into January lmao. No. Do you prefer to be single or with someone? With someone. Though now that I am single, I kinda think that's for the better right now...? Eh idk. Do you have any tattoos? Yeah. Are you planning on getting any? Oh, plenty. My Mark tribute is getting tidied up by a great artist on the 4th next month and I CANNOT contain my excitement. Did you lose your virginity before you were sixteen? No. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No, and I never would. What are the middle names of everyone in your family? Wow yeah, lemme share that on the Internet. Where did you go the last time you took a vacation? The beach. Would you ever consider adoption? I don't want kids so like, Who is someone you aspire to be like? Man, there's a lot of people who inspire me in different ways. I think the world knows I look up to the wisdom, determination, dedication, creativity, compassion, etc. etc. etc. of Mark, I adore the heart and empathy of Shane Dawson, Steve Irwin is my absolute idol in terms of passion for animals, and Jeffree Star's work ethic is like, unbelievable. There are plenty others, but those really stand out. How do you feel about your life right now? oof What is your favorite game show to watch? Family Feud with Steve Harvey. He is so fuckin funny. How good are you in trivia games? What’s your best category? Idk. I'm probably best with animal knowledge though, judging from games I've played along with. Would you much rather test your knowledge or share opinions? I guess it depends on the subject and with whom. How do you feel about word games? Fun. Who is your absolute favorite film director? TIM BURTON. THERE IS NO COMPETITION W/ HIM. When’s the last time had to cover a coworker’s shift? Never. Have you ever had a really unreliable coworker? I've never worked long enough to know. Have you ever had to have a ring resized? No. What is a question you would never ever ask somebody? "I would never ask someone what they weigh." <<< This. I'm not a doctor, so I don't see any situation where that'd be an appropriate question to ask anyone. What sounds like a rude word but really isn’t? I'm sure there's something, but idk rn. Have you ever made a blanket? If so, how did you make one? No. How many godparents do you have? Do they care about you? Zero, I think. What is something that should not exist? Rape. Is there a word you have an emotional connection to? It sounds weird I'm sure, but "petrichor" (the smell of the earth after it rains) makes me feel... weird. Nostalgic, anxious, melancholy. Shortly before becoming a couple, Jason and I were just outside at school while it was raining, and we wondered what that smell was called. When we went back to the computer lab (where we were after exams were done), we looked it up and found out "petrichor" was the term. I remember those days too clearly for them to have happened eight years ago. How about a sound? Any emotional connection to a sound? Ummm not that I can think of. Is there something coming up that you are dreading? Not really, no. Do you ever read graphic novels? No. What is the most ridiculous product you have ever seen? Oh idk. Are there any spiders in your home right now? I mean realistically, probably? None that I know of. What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically? I can't remember exactly what it was, but something on YouTube. I think on Game Grumps. Are there any candy stores where you live? Not that I'm aware of. Do you own any fingerless gloves? Yeah, I still have them in my drawer, actually. I wore them every day in high school. Tell me about the last animal you touched. My cat Roman. :') Have you ever witnessed a birth? Only cats. Can you see your reflection from where you are sitting? No. Wait, yes I can, though only slightly. My snake's cage is just across the room, so I can see against the glass a bit. Quick! Sniff the air. What can you smell? Cat. .-. Have you ever been in a restroom that actually had a restroom attendant? No? What was the last photo you took of? A deer! There were like, seven or eight in the field just across the road a few evenings ago. My lens didn't go out as close as I'd want, but I took some as practice anyway. I only got a few shots though; I came out to the front porch, and after about a minute, they gradually went back into the woods. What do you look for in a mate? Physically and personality-wise. Am I the only one who hates when human couples are referred to as "mates"???? Idk man it shouldn't because we're just animals, but it's weird. ANYWAY, I don't have like, a concrete vision of a partner, but I do have some set-in-stone personality/moral alignments that are musts, such as just being a generally good person, empathetic, you must love animals or shoo, be in touch with their emotions, understanding, soft stuff like that. I also have a strong preference for having a good sense of humor, I lean more romantically towards outgoing people, you gotta be laid-back and approachable... that kind of stuff. Physically, I really, really don't care, but I think we all have preferences; ex., while it really doesn't matter to me ultimately, I tend to find longer hair on guys more attractive than short. Your thoughts on bacon? Ugh, I wish I didn't love it. I wanna be a vegetarian again so badly. What are your thoughts on little kids with cell phones? If they're of an age where they may be separated from their parents semi-regularly and without the constant presence of a guardian, I'm actually for them having *simple* cellphones. Emergencies exist, and even I, someone who doesn't even want kids, would be scared knowing my child is without an easy, quick method of contact with me. Now, remember I did say "simple" cellphones; I don't believe a little kid should grow up unhealthily attached to technology (like me lmao), so especially in developmental years, I wouldn't want my kid to be glued to their phone playing games or roaming the Internet too freely. What was the last lie you told? I'm not sure. Is there anyone in particular you always try to tune out? Ugh, yes. For political bullshit that I cannot stand hearing. Do you work out? No. What was the last thing you ate with a spoon?  Uhhhh probably oatmeal. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Ice cream lmao. Ever held a newborn animal? Yeah. Is there anything you’re in denial about? What? Maybe, idk. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? CREAMY. Don't come near me with chunky pb. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? Yeah, even though I don't believe it does anything. It's just for the novelty of it. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Bentley just has a blue, average collar. Roman doesn't because he absolutely hates them. What is the last thing you searched for online? Surveys. Do you use any scented lotions? What do they smell like? No. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? I mean yeah, Spanish is common in America.