#so many people failed to understand the prompt or purposely don't care

[artemismatchalatte]

So I'm signed up for this online 30's speed dating event for WLW and sapphics right?

Here's the thing: It looks like they aren't even bothering to regulate it at all because I see tons of people who aren't in their 30s and even some men are listed in the people who are signed up for the event.

What's even the point of a specific event for 30 something WLW if just anyone can join it? :/

[mrssimply]

HIIII 3 and 14 for the fic writer ask pretty pls :]

3. how you feel about your current WIP?

OMG, Blue, you couldn't have chosen a worst question from this list ahaha. I feel awful, I hate it, I'm fighting it every step of the way, I wanna lay down and cry about it. I hate it so much, so, so much. I'm talking about The Burning of Rome, of course, not the answer to your prompt (yep, it's still in progress) though I'm also blocked on that one, unfortunately T-T.

Now, I'm just not gonna whine about my WIP, but maybe explain a little bit more. Even though it's... not fun, I know it's part of the process. First of all, I generally hate my WIPs at some point, most often I hate what I just finished writing. I think it's because, as I come down from the high of writing, I realise words and english failed me yet again and it's not as I imagined. It's never exactly as I imagined, but sometimes, this conclusion angers me. I often react with anger when my ego takes a hit, then I sulk, then I accept it and generally, by this point I read over the part I wrote and I rediscover it and hey, it's actually not that bad. So I know it's part of the process.

But... I'll admit it's the first time I struggled this hard with a fic. It never happened before. So, like a disgruntled old cat, I was reflecting on why is that, and here are my modest conclusions:

it's the... biggest work so far. Not in word count (though, if you add up the first two parts of the series, it is one of the biggest), but in ambition. I basically had to come up with so much for that series, and that last part in particular. I researched the mafias of the world, studied the Philipines geography and geopolitics, I went back to some history lesson to better integrate some part of lore into past events, and then there was the usual research about John Wick in genral, firearms, battle strategy, and of course, writing fighting scenes which is just exhausting.

The freaking cast... Like. Most of my works have around three main characters, and a few regular side characters, but most of the action happens in the intimacy of a couple, or a trouple. TBoR's middle part, which I finished with my blood and tears, only thanks to Koda infaillible support, has so many characters. There is only one main character (John) for most of that part, but he has significant interactions with like ten others characters. Thre of them are OC, and I try not to give too much screentime to OCs since, understandably, they don't interest the audience but Leonora for exemple, has been in this story for so long sometimes I forget she ain't actually in the movies xD. So yeah, a big cast to balance, to give screentime to, and to move around coherently, give each of them a role and a purpose. Exhausting.

Character developpement: I can only blame myself for that one. I mean, I can only blame myself for the previous points, too, but this one... Let me rewind a little bit: I know a lot of people in the fandom envision John as caring, understanding, patient. And he is. Our favorite Loving Husband. But he also is pretty aggressive, stubborn, and ffs he doesn't know how to grieve. At all. This "indomitable will" Viggo speaks about in the first movie, that thing that makes him get up after falling from the roof garden of the Continental... Well, when you put that into caring for his partner, it makes him a great husband. But when you put that into conflict with said partner, he's just unsufferable. And I wanted to explore that. And now, he kinda did something unforgivable, so how is he gonna get over it, I ask the audience? And the audience turns toward me: "but you're the author!" and yep. I am [nervous laughter]. So... Now I have the path, after... months of struggling to find a way out of the mess I put him and Santino into. But I have to write it, and it's hard, because I'm shit at emotional conflict, and how do you deal with emotional conflict when one character doesn't know how to express his feelings outside of violent outburst (killing seventy people because he couldn't deal with his grief~~~) and the other one is just as stubborn, and won't talk about his feelings anymore because when he tried, he got shut down. That's where I am people, and I. hate. it.

Now, I know that when I publish the final part, I'll be happy. Not just happy to be done, I'll be proud of myself because, this was huge. I knew it would be when I started, and I told myself several times that I wouldn't do it because it was too big and I wasn't sure I could pull it off, or even wanted to... I mean, I don't wanna sound like I'm whining but I know the energy this will require out of readers, it's not a fanfiction anymore, it's a book, and people have shown to have more difficulties engaging with that kind of works than with oneshots, or short fiction. Won't get into why, that's another subject entierly, but I just know this work, which is my soul and guts, will get less reactions that the one I wrote in a frenzy for a prompt. It's always been like that, I've... accepted it, I'm not complaining about it I'm just saying sometimes it's hard to swallow.

Moving on.

I've been thinking a lot about another fic of mine (from Cyberpunk) lately in relation to The Burning of Rome. The fic is called To the day I die and it was, is, my personal masterpiece when it comes to Silverdyne (Johnny x Kerry). It's also the final part of a series that started innocently as a prompt (W.A.R, the series TBoR is part of, started as a character study), and it embarked me into this huge odyssey about love, growing up, getting better, relapse and what it means to be wise. Also, some of the themes are the same : both characters hurting each other with the best intentions, one of them being a self-sacrifycing fool, and the other being stubborn because he was once hurt by his partner. They also end up kinda nearly killing each other lol I need to stop doing this (it's a lie, I'll do it again, it's my favorite trope, don't send help). I think I unconsciously used some of the same sentences, or at least the same situation. I I foolishly always thought I had no "themes" in my work but that was obviously my ego speaking! Incredible, what we learn about ourselves while writing.

So yeah.

I hate it.

But when it's done, I'll be proud, I know.

I might even print it, for posterity.

It's my best work so far, so why not?

(Fun fact, I wrote that yesterday and I think venting helped me because I kinda made a huge leap in the fic!!! Kudos to me and thank you for the ask!!!)

14. where do you get your inspiration?

Ah, that's a good question. I don't know, and it's bugging me a little ahah. I was talking to my sister about what I consider a "good movies" lately and my conclusion was "I need to develop an obsession, however brief, about it". That's what I'm seeking when I watch a movie, when I start a series or a game: I want to get that obsessive reaction, because it fuels my creativity like mad. Now, what will make me obsess about a content? No idea lol. Example of materials that should've inspired me but didn't: Mass Effect, Red Dead Redemption, the Sandman, Our Flag Means Death, Interview with the Vampire... they had ALL the ingredients that should've made me fall into a new obsession, and well, nothing happened.

On the contrary, examples of material that made me go into a frenzy: X-men:first class, Startrek, Stargate (SG1 and Atlantis), Cyberpunk, Matrix, John Wick, Naruto and lately, KinnxPorsche (thawainese drama, yeah, I was NOT expecting that one). I've tried to come up with the fomula but I've not yet found out what makes any of the above kickstart an obsession, and with it, inspiration to write or draw.

One thing maybe is the epicness: I need to feel the story is vast and world threatening. I also love element of fantasy, or science fiction. I need the story to get me out of our daily world (but then again, Mass effect checks all the boxes, and yet...).

Music can also inspire me but I'm very fickle about it. I did write with music but I stopped that a while ago because it made me too dependent on the music's mood to write the right scene. Now I write without, and it's actually easier to focus, I think I also got more control over my writing in general, meaning I can write the scene I want, when I want, not when the mood strikes.

Last but not least: other fanfictions. This is always, a huge reservoir of inspiration. Headcanons, fanons, and all the content of a fandom is generally a bottomless well of ideas, feeling and themes to explore. As such, it can be hard to be in a small fandom, with a ship with few supporters because I "lack" this source of inspiration, but that also mean I'll produce more for it, like I'm trying to fill the void xD. For example, I never wrote anything for any big fandom because I spent too much time reading fanfiction, and feeling like everything was already written and I just needed to find it to get my high. In a smaller fandom, I need to participate more, and it's really stimulating! So overall, it works out either way!

And of course, one thing that stays true no matter what: I'm an overwriter, look at that long post!!!

Thank you for the ask (and for listening to my lecture!) <3

[lichfucker]

youtube reaction channels have their place, and certainly they can even be useful, depending on the content of the video, the person doing the reacting, and the purpose of reacting to the thing in the first place. I used to watch a fair amount of "vocal coach reacts to xyz live performance" videos, being someone interested in singing but many years removed from my own formal training. I haven't watched but have seen pop up in my suggestions plenty of "lawyer reacts to [blank]" videos, ranging from legal scenes in movies to youtuber apology videos. sometimes I think these things are a little fatuous-- of course a court scene in a movie isn't going to be truly accurate to the proceedings of a real-life courtroom; they're trying to tell a compelling story with a particular pace and necessary drama-- but on the whole they feel like an entirely neutral phenomenon to me.

however, I was just recommended a video to which my immediate response was "all reaction channels should be abolished, actually."

it was a video of a therapist reacting to a song. I was going to name the song, but it really doesn't matter.

I can understand why people would find therapist reaction videos to be somewhere between harmless and legitimately helpful; after all, therapists are trained to analyze aspects of our world from a very particular lens, which many people find very useful! the same way we might turn to a lawyer's reaction video to describe the legal specifics of a given situation, we may want to turn to a therapist's reaction video to describe the psychological specifics! it has its place, doesn't it?

... that place is not art. that place is not music.

I did not watch the video that prompted this post. I'm not going to watch the video that prompted this post. I have no idea what conclusions this therapist came to about this song, and I have no interest in finding out!

the art we create is an expression of emotion-- and, frequently with music, the only way to express it is to heighten it. to exaggerate it. to feel it as much as we possibly can, so that it might bleed through and make our audience feel it, too. the high and the low. the good and the bad. the big and the small. all of it.

yes, I want art examined and analyzed. yes, I want art interrogated. yes, I want art discussed and dissected and implored, of all the ways you could have expressed it, why did you express it like that?

I do not want art analyzed from a standpoint of, "here are the reasonable, stable bounds of human emotion. here is what's healthy and here is what's not. here's how we moderate, here's how we temper."

this feels like the next step down the path of the cinemasins brand of "analysis" where everything besides the most logical, measured actions are considered plot holes. it feels like the successor to "this book is problematic because the characters don't always say things that are objectively true and emotionally intelligent." this sad song is bad because the lyrics mention feeling like they died when they got dumped; clearly this was a toxic relationship and the singer has codependency issues. this love song is bad because the singer is obsessive about their new partner and is setting the unrealistic expectation that everything will be perfect and happy forever; if your partner sounds like this, be careful, they're exhibiting symptoms of blah blah I can't stand it.

this song is bad because the singer failed to acknowledge every single possible perspective on the situation and is erasing people whose experiences differ from their own.

this song is bad because the singer is feeling an emotion and is trying to make the audience feel that emotion, too, which is manipulative. all art is manipulative. all expressions of emotion are manipulative.

I don't want it. I don't want it.

[haleigh-sloth]

In your opinion, do you think Hori's decision to put Tokoyami as Hawks' intern is a good idea? What prompted this ask is that recently in the wake of newest chapter, I saw a thread (twitter) that says Uraraka should be Hawks' intern because Uraraka is the designated Toga savior and her seeing Jin's corpse in Tokoyami's place would be better to give Uraraka any context than current situation when Uraraka doesn't know anything about Jin and Hawks. The thing is, I saw similar thread a while back that says Shouto should intern with Hawks since Hawks is tied deeply with Todoroki plot and they said it will be narratively better if Shouto is the one who saves Hawks from Dabi, with the reveal and black bubble and all. On Dark Deku era, I saw quite some Deku fanboys say that if Deku interned with Hawks instead of Sir Nighteye or Endeavor, he will integrate with PLW plot better as MC, use Hawks' sensory to train Danger Sense, the whole Dark Deku arc with Lady Nagant will be better if Hawks and Deku have deeper relationship, also now that Hawks is likely one of Vestige inside AFO and one of few who interact with AFO the most.

My reaction to those threads are : 1. Why Hawks is in high demand don't you guys see how absolutely terrible that chicken is as mentor figure, 2. what they said makes sense, honestly I can't refute it and probably any of those ways will be better for the plot, but as Hawks' kinnie it's kinda refreshing to see Hawks and Tokoyami relationship that came with zero emotional baggage (at least except the ghosting that the chicken stupidly brought it upon himself), and 3. frankly Hori puts Hawks in too many plot threads when he still failed to express his genuine emotion in even just one of his conflicts, the savior trio listening to Hawks with the same devotion Tokoyami has for Hawks will bound to be disaster, but the same disaster probably can make the situation more interesting.

So as an expert on savior plots (afaik hehe) and someone who has no problem with putting Hawks in more wringer or two, I wanna know your opinion, do you think that one of savior kids should intern with Hawks for it to run better? The usual complaints for savior kids' plots are that Uraraka doesn't know/have any thought about Jin's death, Shoto doesn't understand Touya's deep attachment to Endeavor, and Deku as MC is mostly clueless about LOV and Tenko (frankly I don't think Hawks can help this), do you think they can be fixed if Hawks became one of their mentor?

...there is so much here I don't even know where to begin lol

I really can't even completely address a lot of the "points" in the first paragraph. Like who freaking cares about how Deku trains danger sense. It came at the time it did for a reason, why does that have to change. Also him interning with Hawks has no impact on how integrated he is into the PLW arc. Literally all of his actions would have played out the same. His fight with Tomura is the same. Hawks literally never even joined the battlefield with Tomura so how does this make anything better? Him interning with Endeavor served the purpose of spicing up the Todoroki plot and introducing Endeavor's new ambition--atonement. With Izuku's comment about how he sees Shouto trying with his dad and sees his uncertainty in forgiving--> called him kind for trying--> unintentionally hurt Natsuo's feelings because Natsuo feels like he himself isn't trying--> Endeavor calls Natsuo kind and acknowledges Natsuo's efforts, something nobody else in the family had done before that--> Endeavor says he doesn't want forgiveness as a response to hearing Deku--> says he wants atonement which is the whole basis of his arc from there on out. Everything served a purpose. How changing any of that would have "bettered the plot" is just beyond me, I don't understand it.

I'll start with explaining why Hawks absolutely should not have been placed with any savior squad kids--> because Hawks himself, is a savior squad kid at heart. I don't know if people realize this, but Hawks is the FIRST ONE to introduce the concept of saving a villain into the story. He beat the kids to the punch. Hawks to Jin is what Ochacko is to Toga and Izuku is to Tomura.

Hawks was supposed to be Jin's hero but he failed. But his purpose was to introduce that concept into the story. Like hey, this is something that someone in Hawks's position can consider. Hey, heroes can get close to villains and want them to be happy too.... He did his job there. But he was supposed to fail. He failed because of his background, his training, and his inflexible thinking when it comes to Jin's (problematic) philosophies. His background plays a part because Hawks has very little attachments in life. His attachment to Endeavor is entirely parasocial, his attachment to Tokoyami is very distant and closed off, because Hawks has issues.

Having any of the savior squad kids work under him imo would have been entirely too clustered. The reason Hawks failed in his role as a savior squad kid himself is because he has refused to let attachments run deep with him, except for one (Endeavor, which again parasocial). So putting the savior squad kids, whose arcs are all entirely based on strong bonds and attachments and relationships throughout the story, with Hawks, whose entire character is based on refusing attachments and bonds and relationships, would have been silly. Tokoyami up until NOW has always paid more attention to Hawks. It's been a very lop-sided relationship. Hawks dodged his calls, texts, outreaches, etc. Which is hilarious considering how Hawks views Endeavor. It's supposed to be that way because during the current arc Hawks finally pays attention to Tokoyami after he's been beaten to shit. What benefit does it serve to put Ochacko or Izuku in that position? Also Izuku spent the entire rogue arc with Hawks so....the lack of communication is pointless. Also Izuku has his somewhat complicated relationship with All Might so like....this idea is just silly to me. Idk.

As for Ochacko---she doesn't need to know shit about Twice. Honestly. Toga's BACKSTORY and the ACTUAL reason Toga has been struggling since she was a toddler is not because of Twice. Her backstory focuses on the emotional abuse endured from her parents. Ochacko has been paying attention to Toga's words and actions ever since the PLF arc and coming to her own conclusions on that. Ochacko is supposed to reach Toga by connecting with her and addressing her personal pain that Toga can't seem to get anybody to understand. Ochacko didn't kill Twice, she had nothing to do with him, and Twice isn't THE source of Toga's issues. It's just icing on the cake. What is Ochacko supposed to say regarding Twice? She didn't kill him. It's not like she needs to apologize for what happened. And Tsu already addressed the concept of killing vs. connecting and it didn't stop Toga. Simply just NOT killing Toga isn't working, it's not the solution Toga is looking for. So connecting Ochacko to Twice really serves no purpose here. Yes, not killing Toga does play into it, it answers Toga's question "Am I a person". But Toga's question also dates back to her parents literally calling her inhuman, so the notion that Ochacko somehow having something super important to say about Twice is the end all be all or the deal breaker makes no sense. Toga needs more than just "I promise I won't kill you 🙏🏼".

So I mean...yeah idk. My answer is yes putting Hawks and Tokoyami together was a good idea. Tokoyami isn't a main character so his spot as that side-dynamic that Hawks can start to allow himself to feel feelings over has been pretty well executed imo. Hawks didn't start seriously putting work into their dynamic until this war when Tokoyami put his all into fighting AFO and protecting Hawks. Hawks cradling Tokoyami because he's down for the count is supposed to be a big moment. Putting one of the main kids down for the count doesn't work. None of that works for the kids nor Hawks himself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My last point is that I'm SO tired of the "the kids don't know anything about the LOV trio!" complaint. The point of being a hero is to save someone even if you don't know them. Making the effort to GET to know them. How is the one biological sibling dynamic containing two bio siblings who are LITERALLY strangers and before the PLF war had probably exchanged less words in their life time than Izuku in Tomura THEIR lifetime, not a clear indicator that "knowing each other" is not a prequesite to saving each other.

No, the kids don't know the villains. But the villains have been watching the kids and dropping hints they want something from the kids. It's supposed to be that way. The villains are desperate and are so desperate that they're willing to idealize these complete strangers, high schoolers, they've had chance encounters with that were impactful enough to have left a long-lasting impression on them, to the point of idealizing them as someone who would save them, if such a thing was possible in their minds (right now, it's not a possible thing in their minds). These kiddos are tasked with something nobody else in the story is tasked with which is the point. Save someone even if they're not asking for it.

Thank you for the ask!

[awideplace]

Thank you for your reply. Maybe I do live in those characteristics more than I should because of the fruit in the church of when I am moody is so bad, I think i need to mature greatly but it's taken a long time to get here (yearssss) and i feel like they've run out of grace for me because it's been so many years that they've put up with my sin, they're so over it. i know they love meand i love them and thats why ive stayed. and i don't like giving up on people if they haven't on me. I don't like my moods or selfishness either but i can really struggle emotionally. sometimes i think what is wrong with me that i can't be better all the time? i don't mean to "choose" it but i do and basically do you have any advice on how to be emotionally stable as a more sensistive and woman who feels deeply etc. Sorry if the tone of this message is down... I messed up today and stuff has been said to me that's very hard to hear but i know its the hard truth. I have to go to God with beliefs that im a failure that ive failed people or that ill never be truly happy. One thing i know is that I won't give up on being the Lords. I have sinned a lot in my past even as a child of God.... i don't understand it to this day why i was a prodigal son etc. anyway, i realize i need to mature in the emotional and mental realm particularly. What helped you growing up? I want to get married because i want to care for someone and vice versa and do life with my lover and friend and raise my children in a home. if im single i feel incomplete and don't know what my purpose or calling would be.

: / : ( You have a purpose and calling besides being married and having children. Knowing the Lord is our purpose and calling, and whoever he brings along or doesn't bring along is just secondary. We all want our lives to be a certain way, but that doesn't always happen and we have to make the most of what we have been given. I know that sounds cliche, but really what else can one do?

My thing to be more emotionally stable is to not focus quite so much on myself, my hurts, my wants and discontents. You just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Sometimes you need to just not say much, not react. Just...don't do every prompt that wants to come out or entertain every thought that comes in. We're to exercise self-control, esteeming others better than ourselves, honoring one another, and to take our thoughts captive- to take a hold of our thoughts. The foundation of all of this is really being in the Word and in prayer daily, throughout the day even. We all need help with our lives/thoughts, and self-control and exercising godliness by being in the Word and going to the Lord for help, comfort, and answers is really what I can think of.

We don't have to act on every impulse nor entertain every thought. : )

[rcksmith]

Felling — Five Hargreeves

Request: “Hi love could you maybe do #38 from the fluff prompts for Five where maybe Five is struggling with accepting the reader trying to be like romantic or affectionate with him !!! Thank you I love you !!!!”

Fluff Prompts:

38. “You say you hate it but your red face is telling me otherwise.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here!!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I loved this request so much! I found it so cute and adorable!! ❤️ I hope it got close to what you wanted. I love you❤️

Here I used some fragments of Five's original chronology because it would help with the plot, but guys, keep in mind, please, that he is a 20 or more.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves/Fem! Reader.

Warnings: Just bad words, it is very fluff.

— — — — — —

The Hargreeves were a family full of wounds, trauma and deep-seated fears. They were trained to be super heroes. Strong, courageous, centered, perfect. And that was why no emotion could be on the way to that goal. Feeling love, passion, affection and affection was the gateway to becoming vulnerable. And a superhero couldn't be vulnerable. So they were denied that their whole lives.

Within each one pulsed a different problem, a different trauma. Denying love to a child only made him develop complications to connect with his emotions, feel empathy and be able to deal with different contrasts in a healthy way.

The Hargreeves brothers' lives were not easy, but some of them found, in the beginning, a way to connect with different types of love; Luther and Alissom for each other, Diego for the maternal love, Klaus and Ben in the partnership and complicity for each other. Vayna found her way in love for her brothers when her biggest internal problems were resolved.

But Five... well, Five was alone in the abyss of the apocalypse.

He did not have a chance to mature his feelings, deal with his psychological and transform the various traumas into something productive and healthy. Then, in the midst of loneliness, devastation and chaos, Five just threw his feelings under the rug until, like his childhood brothers, they stopped harassing him.

As they never had the opportunity to mature, those sensations remained on a primitive level. And his complications to bond with his emotions became even more broken when Five had to kill for the Commission.

Facing death and being the author of such devastation was not a mild endeavor. The smell of death was still in the air if Five stopped to concentrate on breathing, and the murder scenes were still fresh in his mind when he slept. But, just as Five did with any feeling, he just pushed them under the rug once again.

He didn't want to deal with them. They brought, for Five, pains, fears, weaknesses and a constant reminder that, perhaps, he... had failed in many things. And Five hated seeing himself as a failure.

And that was when he came home. And even when the waters have calmed down, when the winter breeze gently touched his face, when he can rest, dealing with feelings was something he still repudiated.

But that's when Five met you, and his whole world was turned upside down. When you first looked into his eyes, fierce, warm heat swept through Five's body, from the top of his head to his toes. The heat immediately gave way to a cold sweat.

Five thought it was just a second of madness, in which his system had given a blue screen for something else, not for you. But as soon as you smiled at him, there was a quick feeling of being stabbed near the diaphragm or in the belly. His composure didn't waver an inch, but he felt like he couldn't breathe.

The situation took on unimaginable proportions. You are going the Hargreeves mansion a lot times , since, what has been said, you were friends with the brothers, and Five lived lost in an agitated sea of ​​exasperating feelings whenever he was near you.

You were brilliant as the sun, smiling as happiness, beautiful as masterpieces and stunning as the evening. You were the personification of…Perfection, was the Five thought at the time. And it almost broke his heart, because he could never have you for himself.

Five couldn't because, as much as he refused to admit it, wouldn't know how. He couldn't because the whirlwind of emotions was a fierce scream that caused a stir in his mind. Five looked at you and saw a masterpiece - sublime and human art at the same time - and he didn't know how to name those emotions. And now, unexpectedly trapped by the intensity, Five was unable to reason properly when he was close to you.

All he could see was an excessively beautiful girl who was standing in front of him as something he wanted very much. And if you understood the state Five was in whenever you talked to him, you would have stopped at the first sentence. No, if you really understood, you would end up running as fast as you could. But you could not understand what Five did not understand.

So he preferred the loneliness of the apocalypse to those emotions that made him feel hot and cold at the same time, which seemed like his stomach was filling with birds, all beating their wings and trying to escape, and then his hands started to shake.

Five didn't know what it was all about, a mixture of emotions; attraction, passion, an overwhelming desire to touch you. But even if he knew how to name it all, he wouldn't know how to act. Five was a genius, he could solve the biggest equations about space and time with his eyes closed, but as a lover, however, he put his feet in his hands.

Five never thought of the most tender emotions without coldness and objectivity, they were great to justify the actions of human beings. But you have revoked absolutely everything.

Over time, it started to hurt physically in Five not to touch you, not to succumb to the most overwhelming wills. And then, one night he took refuge in a bottle of vodka, you walked in the door and it was the end for Five. He got up from the bar, came to you in determined and firm steps, and, sending everything to hell, held your face in his hands and kissed you as if he wanted to do this for a lifetime. Maybe more.

You were the opposite of Five. It was as if you were the heat and he was the ice, day and night. You burned like summer heat and Five burned like winter cold. You were everything Five was not: extroverted, agitated, knew how to deal with emotions very well, you were passionate, caring, loving, you loved physical contact. So when you returned the kiss, Five felt himself burning with your warm touch.

You wrapped your fingers around the black strands on the back of his neck, letting him put your bodies together and the kiss started to heat up. And then you said:

“You're beautiful.”

And that's where Five fell in love with you. He fell in love because when you took a breath and looked into his eyes when you said that, he felt like you could see the depths of his soul, all the secrets, all the sins, all the fears. You knew him, deeply.

Five was no longer able to stay away from you after this event. He always chose your side at a table, he was very less acid in conversation whit you were. And when you two played chess, and he let you win on purpose just to see your happy smile and your eyes shining, he knew was in trouble.

While Five tried to deal with so many new emotions and so many traumas, you were the opposite. You have been in love with him for so long, even when you saw his painting on top of the fireplace, you felt something different. So when you two kissed, came closer, you let your feelings out.

You were a loving person by nature, you loved hugging people, physical contact. You were an incorrigible romantic and, to be honest, you loved being like that. You loved feeling too much.

So with Five it was no different. You liked holding hands, hugs, more tender kisses and also quick hello kisses or bye. You loved touching physically, either way. But being like that taught you that many people didn't taste the same as you. And in the case of the Hargreeves, so broken and lost, dealing with feelings was not easy, especially to express it physically.

But with Five it was… more difficult.

He was very reserved, controlled, closed. You felt perfectly when he went rigid whenever you touched him: any affection on the arm, kiss on the cheek when you had to go to college, hugs.

You started to think that maybe he didn't like you that much or didn't want something serious, but Five was always looking for you. Whether showing up at your apartment, in your room, or going to be near you at the mansion or kissing you. So you ended up realizing that he just didn't handle feelings well.

It was very cold that night, you were in your room with the books and college notebooks on the bed, trying to solve some calculus equations, otherwise you would end up repeating in that subject. Your head was already pounding and you were getting frustrated, it was definitely not for you and your desire was to hit your head on the book and give up.

“What a nightmare.” You mumbled.

“What a nightmare?”

The voice at your side made you scream out in fright, turning to the left and seeing Five standing on the edge of your bed. The distilled moonlight came in through your open window and bathed the man in front of him with a builder in his black hair and alabaster skin, you held your breath, Five was always so beautiful that he should be considered a crime.

His hands were in the pockets of his dark pants, followed by the shirt and blazer from the Academy uniform. Five looked at you with a small condescending smile in the corner of your mouth, and you felt your heart pounding.

“Ah, it's just a college subject.” You sighed, looking at the notebooks in front of you “It's a nightmare.”

Then Five leaned forward, looking closely at your notes.

“You know where you went wrong, don't you?”

You jaw dropped, and you turned to the notebooks with your calculations. That was the only exercise that you thought was correct.

You felt frustration rising from your feet to your head, snaking through your body. You snorted, running your hand through your hair, it had been hours since you tried to understand that misfortune.

“I will never graduate, that's it. I accept the defeat of the God of mathematics.” You grunted, leaving the pencil on top of the books, giving up.

Five laughed softly, sitting beside your bed, still far enough away not to touch you.

“Give me the pencil.” He pointed to the object and you handed it over.

You frowned when Five pulled your notes to him, balanced the pencil in your other hand and redo your calculations at the end of the sheet.

You should have paid attention to what Five was doing, at each step, but the truth was that you got lost looking at him. The winter breeze shook his black strands as if they were a cloth from the night sky, his emerald green eyes were focused, and a slight crease on his forehead indicated that he was concentrating.

Your heart raced, the world seemed to stop breathing and the air took on a caustic and magical intonation. You would show all your shadows if Five showed his, you would do anything to show how sublime he was.

Then Five looked up at you, and the hemisphere seemed to make sense that second. So you leaned over and kissed him. You kissed because there was no cell in you that didn't want to kiss him. Because Five was a young god and you were just a mortal surrendered to his charms.

But you felt his muscles go rigid, the spontaneous physical contact catching him off guard.

Five burned in contradictions. It burned in the hot fire of passion and burned in the icy heat of feelings. Your touch was potent and had an overwhelming effect on Five.

He wondered what would happen if he had sex with you at that moment. Would he burn in your heat or would he be consumed by troubled emotions? Would he feel every part of your body pulse or would he lose himself in the confusion of his own mind?

Five gently parted his lips, still close enough for his breath to hit your lips.

“I feel your tension. Everything is fine.” You commented quietly.

Five just breathed, his eyes confirming to you what his words didn't say.

“I'm sorry for everything you've been through.” You were sincere, and cautiously put your hand under his. “But you have to understand that it’s normal and good to feel emotions. It's okay not to understand them. Feelings are not like math.”

Five felt your touch become more present, and you gently approach. He should have said something, but his body started to contradict his mind and he got lost in a blue shambles. He desperately wanted you. Wanted to fuck you until feel you completely and kiss you until taste love. But he also wanted to get away. He wanted to go away and push all those feelings and emotions under the rug.

But when you sat closer to him, and your hands cupped his face, Five realized he couldn't leave.

“How would you react if I did that..”

Then he noticed your mischievous smile, and before he could say anything, you held him more firmly, and filled any part of his face with kisses that you could reach.

You laughed between Five's kisses and protests. But you only stopped after the twentieth kiss. Five was marked with your lipstick, his eyes closed for you, his face in a warning expression.

“Y/N!” He grunted, wiping his face “Are you crazy?”

But his cheeks were red and you could feel his temperature high from where you were.

You laughed louder, settling on the bed.

“.You say you hate it but your red face is telling me otherwise.” You pointed at his cheeks, waved your index finger between them, signaling.

Five frowned even more, trying to wipe the lipstick marks off his face. But slowly, a little smile was struggling to come to his face.

“You are smiling!”

“You are so childish!” he rolled his eyes, but his voice was soft.

“You love Me!” Then you threw yourself at him again, kissing his face where the marks had been cleaned.

Five grunted, but ended up just resting his hands on your waist, feeling ... relaxing.

When you stopped laughing and looked at him, Five held his gaze. Gently, his right hand went to your face, removing a lock of your hair from your eyes.

“I think you're right.”

His voice was low, like a summer breeze, and yours eyes lit up when you understood the meaning of what he was talking about. But Five didn't give you time to answer, he leaned over and captured your lips in a passionate kiss.

You love him too.

[cursedfortune]

☕ - there are bad feelings about. pablo isn't entirely sure what prompted them or why (or even if he's correct at all in his assumption), but it's only natural for him to do as he always has when someone he cares for is upset.

that is, he carefully judges the distance between himself and mortem's lap before jumping up onto it.

cue the purring -- quiet, subtle, but still audible all the same -- as he gently kneads his paws against her. (if she removes him, he will understand, but still insist on staying nearby.)

Touched-Starved. @henkou

Some days are harder than the rest. The stretch of time is felt and the weight of her choices and her mistakes add up to something that even a force like her must tackle. The price of her purpose, of her existence, is that she cannot regret what she has done in the name of said purpose. It's not allowed, it's not right - it's not fair to all those she ruined in the name of prosperity. The things she couldn't do, the times her feet couldn't move.

Unable to move when those her purpose demanded she ally with stole away her mother as a consequence of her actions. Unable to explain herself when the world, when her Warden and his fortress, named her a traitor and banished her from a place she had come to call home. Weaving wars, killing crops, breathing chaos upon nations to force mortals to change. Adapt. Progress. All the while hearing them scream and plead as they suffered.

These were not things she could feel sorry for. That she could regret. Not now, in her time alive. Mortem could not predict what she would feel conflicted over when her time on this ended but as she was now, there was no way she could risk breaking. For the moment she conceived regret within herself, her purpose would be over. She would break, fall apart and no longer be. The spell would be done, her life would be forfeit. A failed witch. A force of nature that no longer served a purpose.

Oh, how the soul could cause such conflictions to a being that was never meant to be a person. Her people, caught between as tools and sentient individuals. Always left chasing to perceive the universe around them but never capable of being perceived in full themselves for what they were.

She misses her mother, she misses her friends, she misses all those that have come and gone and even the ones that have come again only to leave once more. She misses her enemies of old. This era is so... frustrating. Foreign. Unusual. And came far too fast.

But there was a moment of strange relief found in leaving this place for another. Where she met Pablo, who now sat within her lap - kneading away with his little paws. Her fingers combed through his fur, nails grazing a touch deeper as she observed the cat. This friend she had made in the most unlikely of ways. A friend that could have so easily not been. A friend that... would have been valid in not being her friend, yet for some unknown reason chose to forgive and accept her with time. Allowed himself to trust her enough to steal from his empty world and come here to one.

This... complicated mess of a world. Larger than his and small all the same.

Tears are not something that so easily fall from her eyes. They don't make their way here and now but the look of her stare says they are there, on the inside. Mortem chuckled softly, so quietly - barely that of a whisper as she watched him knead away. "I love your little beans." She uttered, allowing herself to separate from the well of thoughts she possessed to focus upon something far more pleasant.

Pablo. An enigma and yet one she had come to know all the same. A new consistency within her life. One she enjoyed hearing as he purred away, the warmth he emitted something akin to a comfort. Time finally felt as thought it had slowed and for that, she was grateful to Pablo for. Among many other things.

[expended-sleeper]

Fire and Faith

"Here you are." Othreloth handed him a steaming cup and took a seat. "Not as good as when Galdrus makes it, of course."

"I was wondering where your apprentice was," Gelebor replied, hiding his expression behind a sip of tea. "He was usually quite eager to engage with me, during my prior visits."

Othreloth smiled slightly. "I've sent him to Blacklight to receive further training. I'm sure you didn't fail to notice his...overenthusiasm, for tithing."

In truth, after the first time Gelebor had come to the Reclamations Temple he had been careful not to return with more than a few coins on his person. Inevitably, all the gold he carried would end up as an offering to the New Tribunal. This was made all the more impressive since Galdrus incessantly mocked and cursed Auriel during his visits.

"But I sense you didn't come here to speak of Galdrus Hlervu," Othreloth said, and sipped his tea. "You seem changed, my son. Did something happen to you, during your adventure with this woman in the woods?"

Gelebor paused before responding. Before, their conversations had been purely academic. The differences between their faiths, for the most part, and the struggles of walking the correct path. Othreloth still thought him a particularly pale Altmer with a strong devotion to Auriel. But they had never spoken of personal matters.

"Have no fear, Gelebor," Othreloth said, perhaps sensing his reluctance. "Just because we worship Daedra in this land, that doesn't mean dremora will materialize if you dare show weakness. All are safe from judgment within the walls of this temple."

"Thank you, elder." Gelebor leaned back. "I've been turning this problem over in my head these past few days, trying to work through it. Wherever I've found myself doesn't feel much better than where I started. In truth, I've lost my faith. I...no longer feel love, for Auriel."

"Hmm. I see. What prompted this turn? You seemed a most loyal disciple when last we spoke."

"I weary of his ambivalence. For many years I've done nothing but praise his name, wanting neither recognition nor reward. But the rewards he has seen fit to bestow upon me only prolong this endless cruelty, and in the light of eternal life, his ignorance is all the more agonizing."

If Gelebor's confession of immortality shocked Othreloth, the old Dunmer did not show it on his face. He set down his tea cup and pursed his lips.

"Eternal life, you say," Othreloth mused. "Not the most uncommon gift, and perhaps the most shared among the Aedra and Daedra. The latter often use eternity as a self-serving weapon, to ensure they have a strong and loyal servant on the mortal plane for as long as possible. Do you believe Auriel is prolonging your life with the same intention?"

"I don't know," Gelebor replied. He put down his own cup and rubbed his forehead. "I would say such an act would be out of character, but for all the time I've spent serving Auriel I can't say I know him well. What I've seen of his mercy leaves much to be desired."

"I don't need to tell you that our faiths are quite different. Servants of the Daedra can ask the Princes their intentions, and oftentimes even receive a response. The Reclamations are no exception. Azura spoke to the Nerevarine to guide them on the path of prophecy, and Mephala and Boethiah also communicate with those they deem worthy. Many former followers of the Aedra find this transparency refreshing."

"I see." Gelebor drummed his fingers against his chair arm and studied a tapestry on the wall. Othreloth laughed at the look on his face.

"Don't worry, son. I'm not trying to convert you. Tell me. How much do you know of the Dunmer faith?"

"Mostly, only what you've told me." You, and Nadene. "Your people once worshiped a different Tribunal, I know."

"Yes." All the spirit seemed to go out of Othreloth. "We were misled. And as punishment for straying from the right path, the Daedra sent Morrowind back centuries, if not thousands of years. Red Mountain exploded with the fury of our forsaken gods. Even us Ashlanders, who had remained loyal despite the Tribunal's heresy, were not spared the fire and ash that rained from the sky."

"You truly believe the Daedra caused the Red Year?" Gelebor leaned forward. "That's horrible." He opened his mouth to continue, but then thought better of it.

Othreloth smiled wearily. "Go on. We both know what you were about to ask."

"Well...how can you worship gods that treat your lives with such disregard?"

"Finally, you have arrived at the crux of Dunmer faith." Othreloth raised his cup in salute. "It's a bargain, you see? We endure pain and hardship in service to merciless masters, in return for rewards that servants of other faiths can only dream of. But such an arrangement means that if the returns for fierce devotion are so great, the reckonings from disloyalty must be all the more severe."

"I don't quite understand."

"No, I don't expect you would. Despite what you say, your spirit is still twisted towards worship of Auriel. But think about what I've said. The disparities between Aedra and Daedra are not as strong as many believe. Have you ever known your god to abandon his followers?"

Gelebor's mind flashed to the burning Chantry, and Vyrthur, left to the eternal torment of Molag Bal.

"Yes," he replied.

"And has he abandoned you?"

The question struck him like a blow. Gelebor looked down at his hands, nearly as whole and unlined as they had been when he left the Chantry five years ago. The rest of his body was in a similar state of preservation. My immortality lingers, but for what purpose? Why must I persist?

"I don't know," Gelebor admitted. "Perhaps I've just been extraordinarily fortunate."

"Ha." Othreloth stood and accepted Gelebor's offered cup. "Consider this, Gelebor; Auriel has no method of communicating his wishes to you, beyond his gifts. If he has given you years of life, maybe he expects you to figure out yourself what to do with them."

"Maybe. But it's not enough." Gelebor followed the elder back out into the central chamber, where midday worshipers were already quietly entering the temple. "For centuries of love and loyalty, I deserve more to go on than 'do it yourself, you lazy elf'."

"There's your mistake. Love is purely a mortal affliction, my friend," Othreloth said, guiding him towards the door. "The gods have moved past such weaknesses. Pray that you never join them."

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18719674/

[writerforfun]

Underwing Challenge Day 6 + Day 7

6. What does your portfolio look like? Talk about as many other WIPs as you’d like here.

I have to be honest here, I never understood portfolio. I mean u understand what it is and its purpose but I never understood how to make it for myself.

But either way I guess I do have certain things I worked on.

Starting of with Collection.

1. Collection: Story 1: Mirror Defect: (DONE) (Sorry no cover)

Not all is as it seems.

Not all can be explained and even when the truth is out not everything will make sense.

"I just lost my brother, I can't lose her."

What can you do when you lose trust in those around you? When grief holds you too close?

When lies are hidden all around you?

When nothing is real?

Can you trust your own eyes? When all goes wrong who can you trust?

"Experitment 1034, you are next"

Is anything real? Are you real?

**Warning: character death, graphic description of the deceased character.**

I SUCK AT SUMMARIES.

The story was originally done to scare my uncle. I was going to send him this other story, which R.L. Stine wibe to it but sadly I lost it.

So here we are. Now this story features Mark, who despite all that has occurred, is trying to fix his broken family, even if it means destrying himself but is this family real?

You can check it out here

2. So, A Deal?: (DONE)

Met with death she has no choice but to let death consume her.

"No, I can't leave like this! Not like this."

There is no other way, or is there? But is she ready?

"What do you want? Does your soul not fill with rage, anger and despair? Pushing you to the core of vengeance? Don't you feel like a ghost? Dreading you will disappear? You know you are nothing but a ghost, and eventually, you will have to fade."

"I have seen the face of affliction brought by my reality, I'm tortured by the future of things that cannot be, haunted by visions of yesterday."

Her sin is great, but her desire greater. Will she survive the burn?

This was something I did for my school wrok once. Although it is quite different than the original work. I'm quite happy with the last chapter. I honestly just posted it out as a test to see if others would like it.

It took quite an effort and I enjoyed doing the last bit of it. I really want to make a sequal to it, get it going, but not really sure if this is going to go well.

You can check it out here.

3. Solar Elements: (DONE)

Avatar: The last Airbender inspired.

A lot can happen during a lifetime, faultless rotating to flaws, heroes into villains, a lifetime of destruction smiling in your wakes.

A lot can be lost in a lifetime.

"Wolf is going overboard,"

"We do not have time to wait."

"Surrender now and we shall show you all mercy."

"No, we will never yield to you"

"Then so be it."

"You are not prohibited to address better yet conduct such disgrace." "We are still alive!"

"Love you, Son"

A lot can happen during a lifetime, faultless rotating to flaws, heroes into villains, a lifetime of destruction smiling in your wakes.

"And so she has finally awoken."

I had done this for a story contest once, sadly I was unable to win. But I have to behonest, if I had I would have been so annoyed, it was awful, so awful. I won't talk much on it, as I still don't like this too much.

This feature elemtnal magic and time twist you can say, where a character, reborn must choose to either repeat history or change it completely.

4. Pirates tale: (WIPs)

Had this in for a while, been working on it but didn't have a plot till now.

The ship has no name, no crew, nothing. But if you see it, it's already too late.

Legend says they're ghost, some say they are cursed, others....... others don't live to tell the tale.

It was inspired by a prompt I saw once. Hoping to make these pirates cured to be vampires, hidden from all and only visible at night. They are insearch of their first crew captain, the one who must break the cures. Problem is, Captian dies 30 years ago.

Guess, his hidden daughter must be placed instead.

This is dumb, so dumb, but hey, I'll work on it.

5. The Basement: (WIPs)

Another school work.

This one feartures students sneaking into their school's basement. Each with their own story on why the basement is forbbiden.

If only they had listened and not followed through, then maybe they would not have encountered, the hidden dark past of the school.

This has a gay couple, lol I actaully send it to my teacher but I don't think she noticed :(. It needs alot of work though, so this may take a while.

6. To find the Truth: (WIPs)

This one seems to be liked a lot by you guys. Many seem intrigued.

In the dystopian future, when the world government collapsed, when humans fell and the virus took hold, out rose a series of mutants. Their genes mutated by the virus released when a power plant went nuclear.

These mutants, blessed with powers beyond their control, have taken leadership. Smart, strong, powerful and undefeatable. They hold power over the weak like you and me. But I won't let them stop me. I won't let them come in the way.

They are sloppy, weak and useless. The world is filled with criminals, danger and people in need. This world needs justice, it needs help and they won't help, so I will.

"They'll take you away. They take people like them away"

"I won't let them"

I worked up a lot on this in the past few day and have actually most of the plot down. Well the main chracter's backstory at least, even how the virus started and why these mutants have taken over.

I just need to start it out and get it going. I have done that and I was thinking of adding bits and pieces on how the world is after every sub-story, like telling the tale as the story progress.

Was also hoping to give this story, a big reveal as to who these mutants are and how they came to be, why they take other's like them and how they find other's like them.

7. To Sacrifice or To Live? (WIPs)

Still working up on the name here, but the story goes like this.

Two wedding decades a part, each holding nothing but tale forgotten.

An evil entity hanting them both. A power over both familes, readdy to demolish them whole this time.

Will the scarifice work?

Ok, before you turn away, here me out here.

Two weddings, one in the 1900s and the other in 2000s. Both familes trapped in a curse long active, each must work to find a way to break the curse. One failed, made it worse, will the new bride make it? Or will she suffer worse?

8. Collection: Haunting Memories (WIPs)

Jenny doesn't know how she did it but she did. She didn't mean to. She really didn't. But Nina is dead now and it's her fault. She did it.

It's her fault.

Then why do they blame Jake? Jake is sweet, kind and caring. Sure he was the one with the blade, covered in blood and coming to kill Jenny next but it wasn't Jake. Because she saw.

Saw him kill her. Push the blade through Nina, watching as the girl fell. Her blood turning the ground crimson. She saw as the life left Nina's eyes. As the killer slumped to the ground, the control over him wearing off.

Jenny knows because she killed Nina. Then why does no one believe her? And why do her memories differ from Jake's?

“I am telling you what happened.���

“All you are doing is wasting our time.”

“Then be patient, this is all I have. Please just hear me out.”

“We are busy people here. We don’t have time for stupid tales, girl”

“This is not a stupid tale. If you could just listen.”

“We are listening. Listening to you for the past 10 minutes, all you have done so far is tell us useless things. We have things to do.”

“Everything I mention is important. One thing missed and you won’t understand. Please. I need your help.”

“You have 10-”

“15”

“Fine 15 minutes.”

This I hope to work and get done by at least in the next month. It need a lot of work and must be quite slow yet fast paced. I need to make the plot a bit more than just what I have written.

8. Trick? No, I'll take the Treat (WIPs)

Halloween themed. Done quite long ago.

What will you do when your Halloween turns into a nightmare?

I have nothing much on it at the moment, but will update this soon.

7. What kind of partnership are you looking for in this event? Friendship? Somebody to bounce ideas off of? Something else? What sorts of people are you hoping to meet and adopt?

Honeslty, I did a lot of research in the past few days and boy do I ned a lot of work done.

For starters, I need someone who can actually tell me how my work is going, just how kuch of an effort I have out in and how it seems to others.

I need harsh, quite harsh feed back so I know what I am doing wrong, what I should improve with and what interests the reader about the book.

I also say wish to meet and know other writers here. Would love to meet them and get to know them.

[mbti-notes]

I am privileged AF (young, no debt, STEM degree, white, born male) and yet I don't want to do anything with my life, I can't even get up from my bed to eat. I have so many possibilities but I don't have any passion, any craving, I don't even feel alive anymore. Everything is a pain in the ass, or I just don't give a fuck. How can I care about my life? Care about anything really? I know I do care but somehow really don't? I feel erased from existence, like it's not me at all. What shoud I do?

You don’t get to choose the circumstances that you’re born into, which is why we often use the phrase “accident of birth”. Whether you’re born into poverty or privilege is of little consequence in terms of “identity” because things that you can’t control should not define who you are. However, people run into problems when they start to believe that accidents of birth define their personal identity, e.g., believing that being born into poverty means that one automatically deserves lesser treatment, believing that being born into privilege means that one automatically deserves better treatment, or believing that genetic heritage or arbitrary achievements make you superior to others. You seem to indicate that you don’t subscribe to these problematic beliefs. Yet you still unwittingly link your privilege to your identity, otherwise you wouldn’t mention it as though you feel guilty for it, otherwise you wouldn’t imply that privilege “should” be bringing you a happy existence.

One good thing that has come out of Western culture is the idea of individuality, i.e., that you are more than the sum of your environmental influences. It is a valuable idea because it facilitates human progress by granting people the freedom to discover their gifts and make unique and creative contributions, in other words, it is a way to ensure that everyone has a role to play in society even when accidents of birth hold them back. However, individuality is a relatively new concept in human history, and I would argue that human beings still do not understand it because most of their attempts to express it are immature and rooted in irrational fears. Individuality states that, no matter your circumstances, you get to choose your attitude, you get to choose how to express yourself and respond to situations, and you get to choose how to make the best use of any gifts and resources you’ve been granted. Have you ever read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, which includes his reflections on surviving the holocaust? I’d recommend it to anyone who questions the meaning of their life. Why is it that people living in the same circumstances react so differently? E.g. Some choose surrender, some choose death, some choose to fight, some choose brutality, some choose integrity. To make a “choice” means that there is an agent doing the choosing. To possess a sense of agency and express agency requires individuality. You cannot make real choices when there is no real “you” there to deliberate and decide. But when you don’t know how to decide for yourself, others are more than happy to step in and use you.

You mention that you “feel erased from existence”. What this indicates is that you have no sense of individuality. When you say that you “don’t care about anything”, what you’re really saying is that you don’t care about yourself. There is no “you” to care about, is there? To discover who you really are is called the process of self-actualization. Up until now, you haven’t done anything significant to discover who you really are, what you really need in life, and where your individual purpose lies, have you? Or, if you have, you haven’t gotten very far? One of the downsides of privilege (such as being male in a male-dominated society or being heterosexual in a heteronormative society) is low self-awareness, because you are rarely prompted to question your social role, you are rarely urged to reflect on whether you use your privilege wisely, and you are rarely forced into proving that you deserve your position of relative power. In other words, being an “insider” means that you naturally fit into the order of things and never have to think outside that small box. One reason that the privileged fight so hard to maintain the status quo is because allowing “outsiders” to speak is psychologically threatening, as it forces the insiders to reflect on who they are and whether they really deserve to have more than the people they label “outsiders”.

Privilege aside, many people suffer from no individuality because they are only extrinsically motivated, i.e., they have only lived their life by superficial external standards for the sake of garnering superficial external rewards/privileges, without ever reflecting more deeply on their life direction, much like an automaton executing someone else’s program. They are usually stuck at stages 1-2 ego development. I’ll give you an oversimplified example of extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation: Which child do you think continues to clean their room when the parent stops paying out money? The child who only cleans their room to get a monetary reward (blindly following the parent’s programming), or the child who feels strong inner pride in maintaining cleanliness (personal choice)?

Self-actualization is hard work, it is a personal choice, and you choose it because you understand the value of your life, the value of your time, the value of your gifts, and you want to make the most of them. Many people don’t choose self-actualization because they are afraid of failing, they are afraid of taking full responsibility for each and every decision, and ignorance/complacency is the path of least resistance. However, where does rejecting self-actualization lead you other than apathy or indifference, since there is no “you” to care about and, therefore, no “you” to motivate healthy self-care and self-developing behavior? It’s not that you don’t have a self, it’s that you don’t honor it and listen to it. If there were no self, you wouldn’t feel bad about being apathetic. The definition of apathy is “no interest”, yet that’s not really possible, because you are clearly interested enough to know it’s a problem and want to solve it. How long do you have to be stuck in apathy before you can’t bear the emptiness of it anymore, because it slowly morphs into deep-seated existential pain?

Nobody can make you care when you don’t. Humans are built to care. Care emanates from within, from “the heart”, but you speak as though yours is missing. One of the nice things about being human is that we all have a voice within that guides us and informs us about how to live life well - it is the same voice that prompts you to reach out for help when you’re hurt or lost - that voice is the true capital S “Self” that is always there whether you are aware of it or not. Some might prefer to call it “soul” or “spirit” instead. In any case, it cries out to live life, and it despairs when you reject life. Many people are discouraged from listening to that inner voice because they have been punished for it in childhood, or they feel that they don’t deserve a life of their own, or they are afraid of what might happen when they finally stop and listen.

Therefore, you don’t sit around and wait for something to “make you care” because, once again, you’d trap yourself in the cycle of chasing superficial external rewards; rather, you make a personal choice to care because 1) it is the best way to make good use of your life, and 2) you understand that not caring leads you into emptiness and “death” as you reject your own spirit. Whether you choose to care is nobody else’s concern because we should respect your freedom to live as you see fit, but it should be YOUR concern because it is directly related to who you are and the quality of your life. If you choose not caring, then you choose to be a nobody to no one, to have no influence, to make no impact, thus, to have no real existence - you single-handedly erase yourself from existence. You say you “feel erased”, which indicates that you suffer from passivity or even victim mentality, as though someone has cruelly inflicted this state upon you. Nobody can develop your individuality for you. Without it, you won’t realize that you are always free to choose how to be. At any point, you can choose to take full responsibility for how you live every second of your life rather than twiddling your thumbs or living in fear.

One way to look at privilege is that it grants you economic power and social capital that you didn’t earn for yourself. When you don’t properly earn something, you might develop an irrational fear of losing it, you are much less likely to appreciate it, and you are far more likely to take its positive aspects for granted. And when you no longer see the positive, what are you left with if not just the negative (or the “pain in the asses” as you put it)? It’s hard to appreciate privilege when you don’t really understand what it means to live without it or how hard some people work to obtain it (and perhaps still fail to). Many privileged parents actually damage their child’s psychological development by never allowing them to face any real challenges in life (sheltering them), by telling them that privilege is their birthright, by telling them they “should” be happy for an easy life, or that winning the genetic lottery is what makes them “special”. Many people believe that having all of their physical and material desires taken care of is the road to happiness, but it isn’t. There’s a reason we use different words to describe concepts like “body”, “mind”, and “spirit” or “soul”. Feeding the body isn’t the same as nourishing your soul.

Fulfillment comes from the arduous process of learning how to live your best life, which includes taking the initiative to confront your life’s challenges, problems, and obstacles as well as succeeding or failing by your own hand. If you allow privilege to shield you from proper hard work, then you rob yourself of the chance to learn about who you really are and what you’re really made of. When you define yourself with empty markers of success, like accidents of birth or unearned privilege, you don’t develop a personal identity and then “my life” remains a meaningless concept. Have you ever read the story of the Buddha, a man raised as royalty in the lap of luxury but then walked away from privilege because disillusionment prompted him to explore the true meaning of life? He listened to the voice within, found something that worked for him, and that is what each of us needs to do. We each need to set out on our own journey of self-actualization, to find our true individuality, to live to our unique potential. Privilege can be a cage as much as a blessing. Whatever your circumstances, a true individual would never accept a caged life, no matter how gilded the cage, because it means giving up the freedom for self-exploration.

You care about life when your individuality and becoming a person of substance matters to you (intrinsic motivation) a lot more than chasing empty/fleeting rewards (extrinsic motivation). To be an individual means that you are your own savior first, so you don’t sit around waiting for one. Unless you’re brave enough to break free of your “automaton” life, nothing will really change, will it? It’s not your fault that you were born into privilege or granted privilege by society, but it is your fault if you keep choosing to hide behind it to the point that you never connect with anything, never recognize your potential, never grow, and never become anything - think of it as self-violence. It’s not about feeling guilty for squandering what you have, it’s about reflecting seriously on why you would ever choose the self-inflicted pain of living a spiritually dead life.

[ariasune]

Just because we know a characters backstory doesn't always mean they want us to empathize with them, that's just an explanation, and it doesn't mean we can't see a character who has done horrific things and go 'no, no I don't empathize with this person, I don't care about there past suffering, there a horrible person who has done horrible things who I dont empathize with' and saying yugioh is a show about forgiveness doesn't mean I can't call out the characters and false equivalences

Okay, we have a little bit to talk about here, so please bear with me! I’ve put some tl;drs throughout, but I recommend reading through my explanations all the way.

Thank you so much for sending this ask!

Just because we know a characters backstory doesn’t always mean they want us to empathize with them, that’s just an explanation…

Agreed! Not every backstory is shown with the purpose of eliciting empathy, or understanding. However, when a backstory seeks to explain how, and why people make horrific choices, we are being invited to understand and empathize with them. 

Hell, the same backstory can prompt empathy in certain areas, but not others.

Gozaburo is a good example of a character who is given backstory, without that backstory remotely inviting you to empathize with his decision to abuse children, and create weapons of mass destruction.

Similarly we are invited to empathize with Akhnadin’s reasons to commit genocide (the oncoming war, needs of few vs needs of many dilemma), but not his racism, classism, or belief that some people are inherently inferior to others.

tl;dr: yes but the backstories we’re talking about are designed to be empathized with.

…it doesn’t mean we can’t see a character who has done horrific things and go ‘no, no I don’t empathize with this person, I don’t care about there past suffering, there a horrible person who has done horrible things who I dont empathize with’…

You are at liberty to empathize, or not empathize as you see fit, for whatever reasons you have. However, the series is asking you to empathize with these characters for a purpose.

Yu-Gi-Oh! as a series contains the thesis that immoral, and even evil actions are often not committed by monsters, but are all too often committed by people who are traumatized, trapped, misguided or even manipulated. 

You are prompted to understand these reasons, and these people, not for the purpose of forgiving, or accepting them or their actions, but to grasp when, and how people do horrific and horrible things. This thesis suggests that we must constantly examine our own actions, especially when we act out of pain, desperation, or ignorance. 

Further, because the series makes it clear forgiveness must still be earned, and sometimes cannot be earned, even when your actions become understandable, we must also accept responsibility for the harm we do. The series says that when we are motivated by trauma, desperation, ignorance, or even manipulated into horrific actions, we are not exempt from responsibility for them.

Failing to engage in empathy with the characters, is failing to understand this thesis in its entirety, and therefore failing to understand what the narrative is telling you. Also, just to cover my ass, this is a value-neutral statement; you can interact with the series in any way you like, and understanding it is not required to enjoy it.

tl;dr: you can do what you want, but the series’ theme is just because your actions are understandable, doesn’t mean you’re right, and doesn’t mean you don’t need to make amends

…saying yugioh is a show about forgiveness doesn’t mean I can’t call out the characters and false equivalences

Let’s talk about false equivalence then.

You’ve conflated empathizing with a character with condoning a character. Merely acknowledging a character’s humanity does not lead to agreeing with a character, forgiving a character, or failing to call out a character.

Accepting that Seto Kaiba was abused, and also recognizing that this impacted how he treats others, is not equivalent to saying he should be forgiven. In series, he is debatably forgiven because he seeks redemption in the narrative, and whether he was forgiven, whether he did redeem himself, and whether he deserves to be forgiven is a separate matter to his humanity.

Empathizing with Seto Kaiba is not mutually exclusive to calling him out, and in fact, empathizing with him is arguably a big part of calling him out.

Also, OP’s point was to call one of these character’s a monster, and not the other was strange, especially if the defence for one is ‘but I understand why they did it’, because one’s the pot, and the other’s the damn kettle: Atem is a murderer too, and is just as understandable.

tl;dr: both atem and kaiba should be criticized, and empathized with because you can do both