#so much of the story in general (but ESPECIALLY terras part) happens the way it does bc eraqus was a flawed man with flawed values

[haunted-xander]

BBS is a tragedy in many ways, but one of the things that gets me is that the catalyst, the one big thing that caused this mess to begin with, is so avoidable.

Like, the story starts primarily because Terra starts to fear himself (because of the darkness he has unwittingly 'used') and this causes a spiral of doubt and obsession. A spiral which he could've escaped from or maybe not even started if he just 1) had been taught the balance between light and dark properly (that darkness is more than just unquestionable evil, that light is more than unquestionable good, that they can and should co-exist in balance), and 2) had consistent socialization from more than the same 3 people.

Like. BBS is a cautionary tale about what happens when people aren't exposed to a wide enough variety of people and, therefore, end up naive and overly trusting because they never learned that people have ulterior motives. Terra is consistently manipulated and used by people literally everywhere he goes, because he can't see that they might not have the best intentions! He can't see the red flags because he doesn't know there are red flags to look for!

Xehanort knows this. It's why he targeted Terra to begin with: because he would be susceptable to his words. The main reason he couldn't use Aqua is because she was too confident in her own values, she didn't have the seed of doubt that Terra had. It's the only thing that prevents her from being used the same way he is, even though she is just as naive and trusting as he is.

Ven probably has it the worst socialization wise. Unlike Terra and Aqua who, presumably, has/had a family and life outside of the Land of Departure prior to beginning training there, Ven doesn't remember anything before then (not that he had much he'd be happy to remember anyway). And since he's the youngest and most 'fragile' one (due to being in recovery for most of his time here), he gets somewhat coddled and shielded by everyone else. Not to mention the way Eraqus completely forbid him from leaving and never intented for him to ever see worlds outside the Land of Departure. Sure, Terra and Aqua aren't typically supposed to leave either, but at least they'd be allowed in certain situations. Ven wouldn't.

Ven isn't allowed to interact with anyone outside of home. He's not allowed anything that involves the outer worlds. (He and Naminé are a bit alike in that sense. Though at least the people he's stuck with are nice to Ven and do genuinely care for him, unlike Naminé...)

BBS happens largely because Eraqus failed as both a teacher and a parental figure to all of them, but Terra most of all.

[communistkenobi]

Because generational change will be an important theme in our story, we should pause briefly here to consider how social change and generational change are interrelated. As a matter of simple accounting, any social change - from the rise of rap music to the decline of newspapers - is always produced by some combination of two very different processes. The first is for many individuals to change their tastes and habits in a single direction simultaneously. This sort of social change can occur quickly and be reversed just as quickly. If large numbers of Americans, young and old, fall in love with sport utility vehicles, as they did in the 1990s, the automotive marketplace can be quickly transformed, and it can be transformed in a different direction just as quickly. Sociologists sometimes call this type of change "intracohort," because the change is detectable within each age cohort. The second sort of social change is slower, more subtle, and harder to reverse. If different generations have different tastes or habits, the social physiology of birth and death will eventually transform society, even if no individual ever changes. Much of the change in sexual mores over the last several decades has been of this sort. Relatively few adults changed their views about morality, and most of those who did actually became more conservative. In the aggregate, however, American attitudes toward premarital sex, for example, have been radically liberalized over the last several decades, because a generation with stricter beliefs was gradually replaced by a later generation with more relaxed norms. Sociologists call this type of change "intercohort," because the change is detectable only across different age groups. Precisely because the rhythm of generational change is slower paced, it is more nearly inexorable. (Bowling Alone, p35)

This is fucking nonsense!!! Literally what are you talking about old man!!!! Sexual norms didn’t “relax” with a new generation because young people are ontologically more progressive than their parents - if this was the case we would all be polyamorous kinksters today, especially given that church attendance and Christian affiliation is at all time historic lows. Like maybe this has more to do with no-fault divorce becoming legal and the necessity of women to work outside the home as a result of neoliberal economic policy and liberal feminist pushes for (white!) women to earn a wage independent of their husbands, which resulted in a change in the way we view sex outside of marriage (along with a bunch of other factors!!).

Similarly, trends in vehicle consumer preferences are not these random events that just “happen” because a bunch of individuals spontaneously and independently decided that they liked sports cars all at the same time. the necessity of vehicle ownership in places like America are the end result of rapid post-war low-density suburban development that pushed for homeownership as a way to shore up middle class interests as a bulwark against proletarian class conscious (to paraphrase William Levitt, homeowners are too busy to be communists), which was part of the broader policy regime of McCarthyism. This was coupled with the neoliberalisation of the state in the 1970s and 80s, resulting in the gutting of public transit and the selling off the public roads to private companies, further necessitating vehicle ownership and subsequently placing a large cultural emphasis on the prestige of owning a car, which can be easily flaunted in public as a display of personal wealth. and finally, the land available to do this rapid development & privatisation was the result of centuries of settler genocide and racial slavery which produced a perfect “terra nullius” for whites to build an empire on top of. So a preference for what vehicle someone thinks looks cool is far downwind of this historical context, none of which is apparently important to Putnam when weighed against the titanic explanatory power of “generational change”

[linkspooky]

Got any fac superhero comic villain that isn’t Batman villains?

I mean… let’s be real here tho, most interesting and well written villains do mostly be from Batman.

But I am curious if you have any fav villains out side from Batman’s?

Okay, so the reason I primarily talk about batman and Teen Titans is they're primarily what I've read. I actually like villains from other rogue's galleries, flashes is good, superman's is good, but the thing is... I've read every Teen Titans comic ever so here we go.

3. Deathstroke.

One time I heard someone refer to deathstroke as the "Anti-Teen Dad" and no phrase has better captured his character. Deathstroke doesn't work as a batman villain, he doesn't work as an arrow villain, he is at his best as a Teen Titans villain because Deathstroke is someone actively harmful to children.

He represents the uncaring and horrible adults in the world these teenage heroes face as they are growing up, there's a reason Deathstroke's biggest arc is basically grooming and destroying any chance Terra had to be a good person (and other gross stuff but it's triggering I don't want to talk about it), there's a reason Slade's backstory by Wolfram is that he basically destroyed his family's lives, let one son die, let the other son's throat get slit, abandoned the third. He is the ANTI-TEEN DAD!

Christopher Priest who wrote the character's rebirth run put Slade's character into words better than I ever could.

I often had to fight City Hall and repeat, ad nauseum, that Deathstroke is a villain. In the first issue, Slade kills a bear in order to save his son. Then he goes back and kills the bear’s cubs because, to his thinking, it would be cruel to leave them without a mother. That is Deathstroke. But I had to fight to get that in because of concerns over the character’s likeability. This was the unfun part about writing this character, a guy who should have an even sharper edge than Wolverine. Please write this down someplace for future reference: Deathstroke is an ass.

I wrote this in my Joker analysis too, there's nothing good or redeemable about Joker, but he still has an extremely important role in the story because he represents the death that Batman is fighting against in the world, so for Dick Grayson who is trying to grow up and help all of his friends grow too, he's the perfect counter and opposite someone who not only destroys his kid's lives but targets other children too. "Please write this down someplace for future reference: Deathstroke is an ass." Any attempts to make Deathstroke more honorable and more honorable just kind of fall flat, his name is DEATHSTROKE, he represents the force of uncaring death and danger in the world that's utterly hostile to teens and these kids have to deal with.

2. Blackfire.

I talk about Blackfire's character more in depth here, but her character works best if you consider her the "Red Hood" to Starfire's "Nightwing." Her character itself starts out as just kind of an evil sister who is one dimmensionally obsessed with killing and hated Starfire and was jealous all her life. The wicked sister to Starfire's Cinderella. However, she gets a lot more depth over the story.

I don't want to undermine how much Blackfire did in fact commit sibling abuse on Starfire, but there's a really good "Generational Abuse" storyline in both Starfire and Blackfire. I think a lot of people want to talk about the cycle of abuse in storylines but don't want to really read stories where characters who are abuse victims end up perpetuating abuse which like... how do you guys think the cycle of abuse happens then? Anyway, Blackfire's extremely messy especially since there's really bad shit she does in her early writing when she's more one dimmensional.

HOWEVER! Literally everyone complains about "I hate how in every marvel movie, the villain is just evil version of the main character" Blackfire subverts that whole trope in fantastic and brilliant ways. The story allows Blackfire to be right, and have a point of view outside of Starfire's that's equally as valid. Blackfire has an entirely different take on her childhood because she was neglected horribly by her parents. She says the true source of the abuse in their family was her parents and she's right. She advocates for stronger leadership in Tamaran because her parents are wishy washy and can't defend their own parents and she's right there again. In later versions of her character, Blackfire's bloodthirstiness and warlike personality didn't come out of nowhere, it's a survival mechanism that evolved out of necessity to survive and she's not conquering the planet for her vanity or ego she genuinely thinks she'll be a better leader. Honestly, a more three diemmnsional Blackfire is just more interesting because evil big sisters are just boring.

1. Terra.

Have I ever told you I love Judas Contract? I love Judas Contract. Of course there's a little bit of weird writing in Terra's character, where she's clearly a grooming victim, and also an abuse victim by her parents and a teenage runaway who's genuinely had a hard life and the writers go (no, just ignore all of that she was just born a sociopath, we aren't shaped by our traumatic experiences at all don't be silly).

However, SUBTEXT is a thing, even if the intention was to just write Terra as a flat sociopath the subtext is there that she is a really complex victim. Terra's entire character revolves around the fact she is a victim, but she's not an innoecnt person either. Her being groomed by Slade doesn't absolve her of all responsibility for her actions.

TERRA IS THE ULTIMATE BAD VICTIM IN COMICS, her entire character revolves around the fact that she was abused, and was not a perfect selfless angel about it, she didn't feel like helping other people, she hated the heroes around her because of how good and selfless they are when she wasn't, and yet she's still sympathetic. IT's a tragedy that she died, because human beings especially children no matter how amoral they may be or what their actions were don't really deserve to suffer to the extent Terra has. Terra's entire character revolves around the fact she self destructs. I believe there could be an arc where Terra was saved, or at least given a chance to be her own person outside of SLade, but the whole part of the Judas Contract is that the Titans as well meaning as they were just COULDN'T get to Terra in time b/c she didn't fit into their neat little boxes of what victims should look like. I don't think Terra is a bad person so much as, she never really got the chance to be her own person outside of the horrible tragedy that rocked her life because she died too soon. That's another thing, it's ALWAYS tragic when a child dies, especially since you can generally still reach those children at that age and when you cut off their future like that you cut off any chance they had to grow up. Like there's a lot of TERRA BROUGHT IT ON HERSELF, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET BETTER, like chill out dude she's sixteen. Anyway, Terra is my favorite comic book character of all time she's a bitch and I love her.

[numericalbridge]

TOH rewatch semi-liveblog. Season 1 part 1b

episodes 4-5

Episode 4

- So, how do they make the forcefield against the Boiling Rain once Eda loses her powers?

- Yeah, i love that sometimes Luz and King and Eda are allowed to be mean or insensitive. What i don't like is Eda starting to say that she will 'break every bone' in King's body because he stole the elixir, and that it is not shown as something unusual and instead the story just moves on. With the knowledge that King is meant to be equal to an elementary school kid that kinda crosses the line. He is 8! (as in - i see it is a writing choice that doesn't really fit what season 2 does with Eda and King, not like anything that i hold against Eda as a person)

- But curious whether the King's plotline was changed between seasons because of the way the storyline here connects him with the plight of the demons.

- He also says that the demons are underappreciated, yet all the one-off villains in season 1 are demons or creatures☹️

- AU potential for King and Eber interactions is also golden.

- Transition between episodes from the dream-like sequence of Eda wondering who cursed her to Lilith's introduction in episode 5 is really good.

Episode 5

- Interesting how excited Willow in particular seemed to be about the Covens. Would've been interesting if the development from this point onwards got more focus, and if she had some kind of connection and confrontation with Terra. Or, alternatively if the dynamic between Eda and Willow&Gus that exists in season 1 was continued in season 2 with Eda working on becoming a mentor figure for various kids, leading to her opening the school in the epilogue.

- Tbh i think some of the one-off villains in season 1 could've been replaced by the Coven Heads.

- Mason's cameo. He seems very stoic and rather chill about getting thrown around. Interestingly he is the only Coven Head present at the convention. So maybe the newest Coven Head duties, or maybe he actually cares about his Coven.

- Not an actual criticism - it's just genre conventions, and too much exposition would've dragged the whole thing down, but i confess it always amuses me when very important bits of information about the world - for example how the goverment works - are not explained to the main character until much later even when the absense of that info is dangerous (same happened with WHA too)

- What track is fire spell magic or is it a general thing?

- Luz seems quite reasonable when she explains why she wants to check the EC to form her own thoughts (especially with the info that is available to her and the viewers at this point), and i find it interesting the way she says 'individualism' specifically (and not 'individuality' or 'independence') when describing Eda's aproach and how that connects to Eda's overall journey towards opening her institute of wild magic. I initially had conflicting thoughts about that development because i liked that Eda was allowed to be angry at the school system and never want to do anything with it ever again, but on this rewatch i definitely see how the arc is forming, so i warmed up to it. It's a pity that because of the shortening it feels like a part of her journey is still missing. And also it would've been nice to see why she doesn't seem to connect much with other wild witches - are they just scattered around and in hiding? Or is Eda shunned because of her curse?

- Why doesn't Eda ever use illusion magic?

- No, but all Eda and Lilith interactions are golden! And then season 2 happened.

- They should have, imo, shown Willow's reaction to Luz vs Amity fight, even if brief.

- Luz and King's developing relationship is also very good.

- Ahhh, but Lilith is also shown to hold some bad beliefs - looking down on humans more aggresively than other witches, throwing words like 'degenerate' around. It is clear that she wasn't just some poor nerd whose only problem was that she had to supress her real nerdy interests in the Covens, and it would've been nice to see her progression and bettering herself in s2 instead of just focusing on her relationship with her family and her geeking out. Like, Oh, Titan episode is right there to show the progress! Never understood why it prioritized Steve over Lilith, when Steve didn't even need to be deprioritized, just have all 3 travel together, show Lilith reacting to common people and helping out in the montage, then learn her lesson regarding King by the end in an actually serious manner instead of making it a joke. It is so frustrating, because I never doubted she would be redeemed, and after season 1 i was excited for her development and to see more of her, and then season 2 just went in the direction of my least favourite writing choices with her😞

----

Conclusion:

Overall episodes 1-5 mostly hold very well on the rewatch, and i found episodes 1-2 much easier to follow this time. But some problems are already obvious like Gus having less attention compared to others, and problems with certain character designs.

[fluffy-deer-bunny]

I called this picture Frozen.

This drawing turned out to be more difficult than I thought (￣▽￣*)ゞ And yet, I was sooo happy to draw it, even for so many days! (o^ ^o) It was very nice to draw every detail and, despite the fact that I didn’t know at first what kind of light I should make, I finished well. And despite the fact that I still see what could be added ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ but we know the measure ✧˖°

In general, the fact is that I decided to sketch the situation that happened in July, and now I want to explain it to you a little, because ..If it were not so important, I wouldn't draw this.

So, in the last month, a lot has happened to the Eighth. The most important thing is his change in himself. Not only did I change very much from the period of January to the present day and could influence them (the closest connection with the closest people), so also those incomprehensible or difficult situations took place in The World of Terra (one of them is about what happens if the Guardian really gets hooked on evil¹), which sometimes racked their brains. There were so many of them that, purely physically, I wouldn't be able to write them down even in the book that I'm already planning now.

Four of my cuties, who lived for some time in Belgrade (the city of the World of Terra), not remembering what happened in the White Town, have already begun to get used to the fact that they can live both there and there and generally walk through different universes, if necessary. But still, despite the fact that it was clear that they had two houses, the problems were felt in time, in the perception of the place and.. changes in them. In all respects: mentally and physically. This especially affected the Eighth, who has always been very different for me in that he, like me, sometimes thinks VERY much, which, of course, does not lead to a good state for me or him, if we go too far with the "search for meanings". But even this wasn't the main aspect, unbalancing.

The main thing was the period itself, when, after a clamped state and the subsequent acceptance of his tiger part of himself, which was temporarily suppressed in the history of The World of Terra (by the way, this is a spoiler), he began to intuitively choose how it would be easier for him. Because throughout many stories, he constantly hesitated to either be inconspicuous and quiet, or help a lot of people, and, accordingly, a lot of eyes will be directed to him. And sensuality, instability and incredible strength burned in such a way that it forced energy to burst out in jerks and at first morally torment, and then, when there was no strength and desire to endure the pressure of elections and constant raging emotions (but the worst thing is that the question "but what for?", destroying even the most common sense), the physical body himself tried to protect himself, using the Guardian Force². However, since this only made him more sensitive, it didn't help to defend himself, but rather increased the desire to be "lowered", supposedly calming this incredible power raging in him, but in the end completely destroying him.

And then one day it happened.

The drawing, like a photo, depicts the first day when they, Veles and Severina, in the house of the Eighth, remote from the White Town, “froze” at the place where he fell and crashed, not even being able to physically recover. And Severina, a few days before, tried (almost in desperation) to protect him from these bursts that split him. Having the Force to use various ores, she created for him this diamond protection, resembling armor, in some places fastened with a golden thread, which she dissolved on occasion and helped to remove the armor. Having first made a promise to herself to be more attentive to him and not to allow herself to believe so trustingly that her beloved was really all right, she, at that moment, when it became clear that he wouldn't rise and speak, fell on knees, bowing like for a king, which he was in The World of Terra for a certain period, and then she froze, too.

So they froze for a week. A week in OUR time. For them, it was a very long time, and therefore, the last days, the Eighth came to consciousness and began to think about what had happened. Watching the sky, he felt sorry for acting so cruelly towards everyone, and after some time (recently), when he saw.. my attitude towards him and everything, in principle, I think, it became crystal clear that if we treat themselves so ruinously, then all the negative thoughts, like a black spot on the water, will spread to everything and EVERYONE around, that it will become unbearable to live, especially if we realize that we LOVE.

Well, at the end of that week, Severina, because of the voice of the Eighth, who called and asked her to get up, unclenched her muscles and was able to move. It was difficult at first due to the long immobility and contraction of the body, but she recovered quickly, especially due to the fact that she saw the Eighth healthy.

We all became healthier that day.

This whole situation is incredibly illustrative of first my changes in myself between January and summer, which affected their lives, and then theirs changes. And it happened so hard in addition because I changed my attitude TO THEM this summer. Since for a long time I didn’t even meet them at all, and even longer I was tormented by thoughts that were unpleasant and killed any meanings. The meaning of doing something, the meaning of being interested in something, the meaning of loving something.

But now everything fascinates me, even this, only more and more. Because watching me and them change because of HOW I cognize the world… It's truly magical. And through their eyes to perceive the world and myself from different angles has always been very useful for me.. and nice… Until I started to doubt just because I was dependent on the opinions of others.

But we set the meaning of life for ourselves, and what anyone can be attributed to me if I am happy, and the soul radiates Light? We all live in completely different ways, with individual views of the world, but we live, Guard Love in our hearts and freely experience the wonders of this world.

Isn't that the main thing?

Everyone of us decides for themself how we relates to the world and what our world will be like. I chose for myself what I dreamed about when I wanted to become happy since 2018.

I became; I create, I live, I love, I appreciate, I run to the beat of the melody of my soul, I play the way I want it.

And life is beautiful, as always.

¹ - The situation will be described in the book and perhaps even sketched or described separately. Maybe.

² - When the body is transformed into a mirror, it is easier for the Guardian to perceive every energy movement around and use it.

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three Chapter 6

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 107k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: Only one Xiang remains and her name is Merra. She hopes to unite the land by force and plow down anyone in her way—especially the people of Agni who she deems faithless and the native people of Terra who refuse to cooperate with her.

Raine continues to serve his Lord but he has taken to alcoholism to soothe his grief—a fact he keeps out of his letters with Heidi. Baiya has returned to mercenary work in order to keep his family safe while Kira is on the warpath. He, fully, takes on the title of Chaaya and means to defeat the Xiang he sees as false.

And, in a guarded castle in Enlil, a stir-crazy Princess dabbles in the dark arts, setting in motion something even Tiandi cannot see.

Full chapter 6 under the cut

Chapter VI:

It was bound to happen eventually. That was Pangu’s major thought when he found himself alone in Kaz’s room with nothing to do but pace about and bide his time.

Around a week had passed. May’s visits were infrequent and unpredictable, much the same as her. She had not yelled at Pangu, not yet, but he continued to brace for the impact anyway. His gut told him to. She had come close a couple of times, he was sure, but had not quite crossed the border from venting to yelling. At most, he had been regarded with a sour face and a foot stomp (although, to be fair it was not, necessarily directed at him but more towards a sentiment Sha-Parvati had given: that it would take roughly a month for Pangu to be back in proper fighting order).

May was slightly more relaxed when she came into the room with Fujin although Pangu still could never fully let his guard down. Fujin was nice enough but she still looked at him with a degree of suspicion, much the same as her brother did. Although, recently, her stares were beginning to eclipse his in intensity.

Every night, for the past week, Pangu had been allowed to sleep in the bed. He felt much better rested, to start with, and he had more energy for training as a result. He also just, generally, felt more comfortable as well. Even if he still did not know, nor could he fathom, what Kaz thought of him.

Similar to May, Kaz would change how he felt or the things he said in an instant. It was not as dramatic as the princess and Pangu would never speak the comparison aloud but it was a recurring thought in his head. He knew if he verbalized it, he would face backlash.

Kaz did not dislike May or anything of that nature but he often complained of her mood swings and her inability to stay focused. While Pangu was sure Kaz could stay focused, if he needed to, he had yet to have that fact proven to him. Just like his princess, the man would jump from one thing to the next without much of a segue and his moods were impossible to predict.

Even Fujin, occasionally, would slip into similar mannerisms (although her changes in behavior were almost always dictated by or influenced in part by May). Pangu figured the reason was that the siblings and the princess had, more or less, grown up together.

He had gotten stories, mostly at night and from Kaz as they laid facing away from one another on the bed.

When May first met the two, they were somewhere between four and six—Kaz could not remember exactly and claimed it was all fuzzy back then. He just recalled that she was nice to them at first but, once they became “friends” May began to boss them around and hit them. Since she was a princess, they were not sure they were allowed to retaliate until one day May hit Kaz so hard he spit blood and Fujin jumped on top of her and started to attack.

Strangely, that was what deepened their bond. Pangu was a little confused by the story and it made his stomach turn when he imagined all of them, three feet tall, throwing fists at each other.

Kaz assured him, however, that May no longer hit them. Not like that, anyway. Perhaps the occasional slap in excitement against an arm or a leg, or even a disgruntled push but May was not exempt from being pushed back and she knew it.

The only thing that still bothered Kaz about the princess was her frequent need to bully him about his distaste of women. That usually entailed her hugging him from behind or trying to lay across his lap or even paying for a servant girl to flirt with him just so she could watch him squirm.

Pangu brought up the fact he seemed put off by all contact, not just of the female variety, but Kaz swore he had no issue with men despite also snarling when he spoke of the other male guards in the castle. There was an urge to touch him or throw an arm over him just to see his reaction but Pangu worried he would push him too far and end up back on the floor.

Just the thought was entertaining for now.

But even thinking about Kaz and all the things he had picked up about him over the week—his facial tics, the way his voice sharpened when he was actually embarrassed rather than angry, the smell of the oils he used after a bath—none of it took up enough time to cure Pangu of his boredom.

Sha-Parvati had been able to visit and train with him every day since his rebirth but, of course, she could not keep it up indefinitely. She told him, fairly early on, that there would come a day she could not meet with him. It actually came later than expected.

Pangu held his hands out and conjured a small flame. It flickered and pulled as if attacked by a strong wind but there was no draft in the room. He just could not get a proper handle on the elements.

Granted, he had only tried fire, air, and, on one occasion, water from a wash basin. There was nowhere he could properly practice with earth without unsettling the foundation of the castle. Air came most naturally to him and he knew he was from Enlil to begin with so that made sense. But, when he practiced, it was difficult to discern if he was actually doing anything or if the breeze coming through the window was assisting a little too much. So, fire was usually what he went to in order to properly judge his progress.

And it was not going well.

He sighed and lowered his hands before looking to the door. From the past week of experience, he knew the halls in the living quarters were not well guarded. Only the entrance of the main hall was and, so long as he did not try to sneak past and into the courtyard or to any other major areas of the castle, there was little to no chance of being seen.

Even if he was caught, he was fine in pretending to be a servant to evade questions.

It still felt dangerous to turn the handle and step outside of Kaz’s room. The moment his foot touched the stone on the other side of the archway, he felt both enticed and as though he were already in trouble. That second feeling did not stop him from continuing on, however.

He had not seen outside of the room since first walking to it so his sense of direction was terribly askew. He knew, vaguely, where the princess’ room was but he did not wish to go there and risk running into her or Fujin. They would send him directly back to Kaz’s chambers without a moment more to explore.

So, he ducked into a hall before he came upon it. The walls all looked the same—smooth, pale gray stone with a darker metal frame. Every few feet, there was a holster for a torch (though none were lit during the day) and there was the occasional window, showing Pangu a slightly different view. Mostly, other parts of the castle. It looked impossibly large and he could hardly see the ocean behind the structure but he could certainly hear it.

The steady sound of waves crashing was almost like a tonic. Pangu let his eyes drift around as he listened and aimlessly walked. He only stopped when he spotted a door that was not completely closed.

Against his better judgment, he walked forward and peered inside. The frame of a woman greeted him, her back turned toward him, sat on the floor, hunched over. There was mumbling and then a chuckle. Just as Pangu was ready to step away, she turned on her knees and met his eyes.

His heart beat up into his throat and he expected a scream but the woman did little more than crawl closer to the door and pull it open. She stayed on her knees and looked up at him with wide eyes and a curious expression.

“Who are you?” Her voice came from deep in the back of her throat and she seemed far more interested than upset at the fact she was being watched.

Pangu almost did not know how to respond. He swallowed his heart back down and then said, as he had mentally practiced, “I am a new servant. I was…checking the rooms.”

“Oh.” The woman scooted back and rocked off of her knees and onto her backside. The state of the front of her dress told Pangu that she had been crawling about on the floor for a while. “You can’t play?”

He glanced behind her to see a small stack of books and a couple of dolls—old dolls, warn from time and use. “Um…” he paused and then shook his head, centering himself. “I can play.”

Her eyes lit up and she started to bounce while flicking her hands, excited. “Yay. Come sit! Sit!”

Pangu looked at her carefully as he lowered himself to the ground across from her. She had the same complexion as May and her eyes were a very similar shape. In fact, a lot about them looked nearly identical. After feeling sure, he asked, “Are you Sunny?”

Sunny, the oldest princess who would not be inheriting the throne. May did not speak of her much except for occasionally saying her name. It was really Kaz who told Pangu the most although, even what he had heard from him was scarce.

“Yeah, I’m Sunny.” The woman gave a big smile and nodded while still flicking her wrists about. “What’s your name?”

“…Pangu.” He gave her a soft smile in return.

“Hi, Pangu,” Sunny stopped fidgeting and turned to her books and dolls. She picked up one of the books that had a fish on the cover and showed it to him. “You like fish?”

“Sure.”

“I know all the fish…” she muttered as she started to flip through it. Each new drawing of a fish she would show him, tell him the name, and some facts about it. Some of the pictures were fish Pangu was not familiar with and he was not sure it had anything to do with his memory loss. He just did not know.

Still, he did lean on the fact he had amnesia when Sunny seemed disappointed that he did not know what an East Enlil Bass was. “I…I lost my memory, Sunny. Some fish I remember but others I do not.”

“Lost your memory?” she repeated with a frown. “I hate it when that happens…”

Pangu’s brow rose. “You have lost your memory before?”

“Sometimes.” Sunny nodded sagely. “But sometimes it comes back. Or sometimes it’s fuzzy. I hate when I see all blurry things. It gets scary…”

“It is scary,” Pangu agreed.

“Do you remember anything?”

“My name…where I am from…names of places and some things about Tiandi.”

“Oh!” Sunny flicked her wrists again. “That is a lot, Pangu! That’s amazing!”

He smiled at her enthusiasm. “I still do not remember my past…my childhood or anything after.”

“I am bad at that stuff too,” she consoled him by handing him a doll. It was pale with yarn for hair and buttons for eyes. “She is memory. I keep my memories in her so I don’t have to think. Maybe she has yours too.”

Pangu did not really understand but he took the doll anyway. Perhaps, since the doll was so old, Sunny conflated her with childhood and thus the memories from then. Or, it was something she thought up on the spot. It was difficult to tell.

Her attention span was rather short and they did not talk about one thing for long before she was on about something else. She kept Pangu on his toes, if not a little confused, but her mood was much more stable than her sister’s. She stayed in a good mood, only dropping her smile for moments at a time, when she became scattered or puzzled over something but those instances were all short lived.

Pangu read out of one of her other books, an old tale that even he remembered. It was mostly for children but it was also a classic so he enjoyed it and decided to read to her aloud, dramatically retelling his favorite parts. Sunny sat, enthralled and occasionally giggling when he gave the characters funny voices.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?!” That question, screamed far too loud, was what broke their afternoon apart. That and May’s hand on Pangu’s shoulder, physically dragging him backward. “Get away from her!”

More footsteps filed into the room and Pangu saw, from his new angle on his back, that it was Fujin and Kaz. They rushed in and shut the door to the room before any more attention could be drawn.

But that was, apparently, the wrong move.

“Do not shut him in here!” May yelled and pushed Fujin. “Get him out! OUT!”

“You are scaring Sunny!” Kaz retorted and helped the older princess up from the floor, conquering his fear of touching women for the necessity of it.

“Am I?” May whipped around and looked at her sister but Sunny would not make eye contact. She definitely believed she was in trouble as well. “I am not mad at you! OKAY?!”

That did nothing but make Sunny retract more into Kaz. May huffed and stormed out of the room entirely but Pangu still heard her curse down the hall.

“Come on, Sunny, let us get you to your bed,” Kaz said softly as he led her away. “We can do our breathing exercises and think about puppies, alright?”

The oldest princess’ bed chambers had fewer candles but far, far more blankets, pillows, and plush toys. A thick curtain usually remained, fully closed, over the one window in order to block out most of the sunlight—both in order to make Sunny feel safer and, more selfishly—on the part of the King and Queen—to further hide her away.

Kaz released her once she was in her sanctuary but he kept close. While physical contact normally made him stiffen up, even recoil, for Sunny’s sake, he was willing to bear it.

Luckily for him, when she was in the midst of an episode, she, too, disliked touching.

So he knelt down beside her, while she gripped the sides of her arms, pulling at her sleeves, her breaths heavy but trembling. “Sunny,” he called her name in a whisper, only receiving an adamant head shake. Assuring her that May was not truly mad at her would do little to ease her current pain, Kaz knew from experience. Logic did not exactly dictate Sunny’s moods, especially not when she was scared or overwhelmed as such.

After giving her a couple of moments to rock back and forth and self soothe while also showing to her that he had no plans to grab at her, Kaz let out a soft sigh. He had known Sunny pretty much all of his life and, though he personally did not consider himself very skilled at calming her, he had procured a few tricks in his lifetime.

He started with just a hum, in the back of his throat. Sunny’s breaths smoothed and she slowed her rocking. Then he added words, strung together in a mumble but sang nonetheless. Though he did not get too loud with the song, by the time he reached the chorus, Sunny was drying her eyes and smiling.

It was her favorite song and it was about flowers and rain with some random lyrics about birds too. Fujin swore it all meant something and the simple wording was to evoke a feeling of stillness and peace with a touch of loss. Kaz, however, just focused on the words and the fact that they were like a tonic to Sunny.

He held out his hand, palm facing the ceiling, and waited for her to reach out to him. Her palm, warm and slightly damp from both sweat and her tears, slapped against his and he offered her a smile to further ease her nerves. “Feeling better?” he asked.

She still could not speak but she nodded just fine.

Back down the hall, Pangu watched the door, wondering how long Kaz would be preoccupied for. He could hear no voices but the castle did seem to have rather thick walls so he did not expect to. Rather than just wait for him to return, he looked, instead, to Fujin who stared forward with a frown. “W…what happened?” he asked after a moment.

She shook her head. “May is very protective of Sunny. She just does not understand that Sunny cannot differentiate who is being yelled at and always gets upset by loud voices.”

Him too, Pangu almost said. “What does she think my intentions were?” he asked.

“She has no clue,” Fujin said and finally turned to face him. “She just hates people outside of the trusted guards to be around Sunny. It is not so much that she thinks you, in particular, would hurt Sunny but she just does not allow anyone near her if possible. You just frightened her, I think; she was not expecting to see you with her sister.”

Pangu looked down, at the stone, and tried to find reason in May’s reaction. He supposed she did not know his character well enough to trust him with her sister. But, they would have to meet eventually, right? He wondered.

Fujin continued, “May was partly raised by Sunny in a way. Up until she was around eight and then she started to care for her older sister. I am sure you noticed but Sunny is like a child still…in her mind and her behavior. She understands complex things and I believe she is smarter than the King and Queen give her credit for but she shuts down easy and does not communicate well.”

“I understood her fine…”

It was a relief to see Fujin smile. “I am glad. Sunny could use more friends, although…” She sighed and her smile dropped as quickly as it had appeared. “I do not know what exactly will become of her once May’s plans succeed. There are certainly those in the castle who can care for her but…”

Pangu opened his mouth to respond but Kaz returned, empty handed. “She is exhausted so she is napping,” he said and walked closer. “I am surprised you did not chase after May.”

His sister gave a hollow laugh. “She needs time to cool off. I will see her now…you take the Xiang back to your room.”

Kaz nodded and then gestured for Pangu to leave. He gave one last glance back toward Sunny’s chambers and then headed down the hall. On the way, they came across a guard wearing the same type of armor as the siblings did but without the cape.

“You,” Kaz addressed, terse.

Their face paled immediately and they stood at attention, however, they were completely unable to look Kaz in the eyes. “Yes, sir?”

“Go and keep Sunny company in her room. She had an upset earlier and needs some extra care tonight.” With that command, Pangu could guess that the nervous guard was actually one of the trusted ones.

“Of course—right away, sir,” they responded and immediately started to walk off, not even sending Pangu a cursory glance. Surely they had noticed him there, he knew, but he supposed they did not find it imperative to ask. Either that or they were so intimidated by Kaz that they could not bring themselves to.

Pangu had heard of this effect that the siblings had on the other guards but he did not expect it to be so severe. It made him wonder how things came to this and he had two different theories. One, both Fujin and Kaz were terrors to the other guards—bullying and belittling them—or, two, they were so skilled in their combat drills that they demanded the horrified respect and fear of their colleagues. Or it was some combination of the two.

He considered asking about it but, for the time being, it was working in their favor. Besides, seeing someone else—someone who had known and worked with Kaz for, presumably, years, react the same way to him that Pangu did was something of a relief. And, on top of that, to Pangu’s own surprise, he found the whole exchange sort of funny.

When Kaz opened the door to his room, Pangu hurried in before he was pushed and he waited for the scolding to come.

[terrahillshowflat]

Memorable Travel Experiences in China

The scene and magnificence of the 2008 Beijing Olympics are presently recollections, yet there is something else entirely to this antiquated country. China is a place that is known for design, noteworthy and normal miracles found no place else.

The Incomparable Mass of China An Unesco World Legacy Site, the Incomparable Mass of China remains as a demonstration of man's backbone. When extending north of 4163 miles, it twists across scenes as different as mountains and fields. Despite the fact that development started as free walls to shield against adversaries, it just turned into the "Incomparable Wall" during the Qin Administration (221 - 206BC) as a large number of these walls were joined. Nonetheless, the majority of the work as we are aware of today happened the Ming Administration (1388 - 1644). Albeit worked to give a protection against their foes, today the Incomparable Wall addresses quite a lot more. The compositional plan; the social and verifiable importance; and above all the way in which it addresses the assurance of the Chinese public make the Incomparable Mass of China a remarkable encounter.

terra hill showflat

Qin Earthenware Champions Situated in the city of Xian, this archeological find isn't just amazing with regards to its expansiveness yet additionally its importance to Chinese history. In 1975, a gallery was laid out on the site to propagate and impart these disclosures to the world. Since its disclosure in 1974, removal and work progresses forward with site as at present north of 7000 earthenware champions, ponies, chariots, and weapons have been found and reestablished. What most recollect is the genuinely extraordinary site of more than 6000 champions and ponies in "Pit #1" lined in fight development. For some, the frightfully life like appearance of these figures give a story to be advised for a long time into the future.

Li Stream Voyage Much has been composed on which man has constructed, yet the Li Waterway journey among Guilin and Yangshuo will blow your mind. For some it helps us to remember the view that we so frequently find in Chinese works of art. Albeit a lot of this 40 mile venture is soaks with changing scenes and picture potential open doors, those that I addressed referenced a few features which are not to be missed. In the first place, as you travel among Guilin and Yangdi, you will see a few slopes and pinnacles, one which is named Elephant Slope for its likeness of an elephant with its trunk in the water. Then, among Yangdi and Xingping, the perspectives are amazing however you should make sure to search for the Painting Slope of Nine Ponies. Legend says that it looks like nine ponies in different stances. Close by, you will find the Upset Picture of the Yellow Material Sandbar. Many have said that the reversed picture of the seven pinnacles look like pixie women. The symbolism of this joined with the completely clear waters and encompass green mountainside just helps us to remember the significance of our general surroundings.

Like the legends in the Aykroyd and Ramus screenplay, the Land Petra bunch is focused on laying out a shielded living environment liberated from unfortunate, vague, and perhaps heartbreaking parts. Land Petra, a characteristic planning firm, has commonsense involvement with methane gas help and remediation, soil gas issues including landfill and Brownfield, and waterproofing and water interference confirmations.

Various Los Angeles tenants are awful of unsteady gases including methane, especially following the September 2010 San Bruno combustible gas impact that killed eight people and destroyed 37 homes. In light of everything, the essential piece of vaporous petroleum is methane. Avery acknowledges that an educated public is the best insurance against fear and idyllic embellishment.

By understanding the properties and lead of methane gas, following commands and building guidelines, and saving solid areas for a culture Los Angelinos will hinder harming gasses from releasing obliteration and metropolitan improvement can continue safely.

Properties and Direct of Methane Gas

Methane is a dreary, scentless gas that is burnable in mixes of 5 to 15 percent in air. It is unavoidable in the Los Angeles locale on account of the centralization of oilfields. Methane is moreover made in landfills, delivered from plant and animal waste, and found with various hydrocarbons in geologic stores. According to the U.S. Normal Security Association (EPA), Landfills are the greatest wellspring of U.S. methane surges.

In Los Angeles, regardless, methane is in a general sense associated with oil wells-abandoned, making, and recovered. The Land Sciences Division at California State School, Long Sea side keeps a record of 30,000 wells exhausted in Southern California before 1980. Additionally, the 2009 report of the California State Division of Oil, Gas, and Geothermal Resources (DOGGR) alludes to 3,338 conveying and 1,459 loner wells in Los Angeles Region alone. Clearly, oil wells are any place in Los Angeles and occupants need to take fitting safeguards.

Petrol gas, the substance obligated for the San Bruno fire, is a dry, regularly unscented, sensitive gas. Vaporous petroleum spilling from an underground pipeline caused a 1937 school impact in East Texas that killed a normal 300 students and teachers. Following the crushing, the Texas overseeing body directed adding an odorant (thiols or mercaptans) to combustible gas to work with spill recognizable proof. Adding odorants transformed into a general standard practice for freeing shaky risks in the scattering from combustible gas through pipelines. Without such control, metropolitan districts couldn't safely include combustible gas as an energy source. The odorant obscures in specific circumstances and fragrance obscure has been refered to as a possible contributing component in the San Bruno impact.

[tealin]

Cape Crozier: The Spiritual Journey

As usual, please check out http://twirlynoodle.com/blog to see this post and others in their original (functioning) formatting.

Since getting seriously into polar history, I kept hearing the same two things from polar veterans.  One was that I could not possibly understand the story properly, or be able to depict it truthfully, unless I visited Antarctica myself.  The other was that Antarctica changes people.  This was unanimous amongst scientists, historians, and even tourists: one cannot help but be profoundly affected by contact with Antarctica; that is just a fact of the place.

I have certainly been changed by Antarctica indirectly.  The inner kernel of “me” is the same in my earliest memories as now, but the Terra Nova men and their experiences have fundamentally shifted how that kernel views and relates to the world and the people around me.  I am a vastly better person for their influence, and that is a large part of why I have been so dogged in getting their story to a new audience: the hope that, through my work, even one other person might be changed in the same way.

When I finally got the chance to visit Antarctica in person, I had half an eye out for signs something had happened.  Two weeks into my visit, I had learned a lot and had some meaningful experiences, but I couldn't say I had changed at all.  Maybe that initial action-at-a-distance was the change I had been promised after all.

Then I went to Cape Crozier.

As we have spread around the planet, humans have noted certain places as being special in some way, places of some sort of power, or where the spirit world is a little more tangible.  The Celts called these 'thin places', where the fabric of reality is threadbare, and Something Else comes a little closer.  One can have a 'thin' experience anywhere, but certain places seem to encourage them.  They may remain completely unmarked, or may become loci for centuries of pilgrimage, or anything in between, but they exist in some form in every culture except, perhaps, the post-Enlightenment intellectual West.

Antarctica, generally, feels like where the edge of a painting dissolves into brushstrokes. There is a certain unreality baked-in: the sun wheels around the sky without setting, one can count on one hand the species of life regularly seen, and everything – the landscape, the weather, the distances – is so vastly out of proportion to puny humanity.  One could argue that this 'unfinished' feeling is because so much of it is white, but I have travelled through many snow-covered landscapes, and they feel like landscapes covered in snow, not fundamentally blank places with a few suggestive details dropped in by an artist whose main attention was elsewhere.

Cape Crozier was something else entirely, though.  It is, of course, hanging off the edge of Ross Island, but it felt more like it was hanging off the edge of reality itself.  It is a thin place par excellence.  And I had an experience there which I have been trying to process since landing back at McMurdo.  When I tried to discuss it with friends, my ability to speak quite simply stopped.  Then the pandemic, and the new house, and pushing through Vol.1, all rose up and drove it to the back of my mind.  In February I wasn't ready to talk about it; here in October, I worry it's too late.  But I feel compelled to share what happened there, and if I don't do it now, I don't know if I ever will.

If this were a novel, at Cape Crozier I would have felt the thinness of time, and a closer connection to the dead men I had followed there – perhaps almost to believe they weren't dead at all!  In such a place, that didn't seem impossible.  But that is not what happened.  Nor did I have some sort of enlightenment beamed into my head from the heavens.  Even the word 'happened' is too suggestive of some sort of discrete external event.  If you had asked me, there, at the time, I'd have said I was just sitting there thinking. But I sit thinking a lot in life, and this was not the sort of thinking I am used to.  It was more like a revelation.  Not in the trumpets and angels sense, but in a literal one: layers of clutter and gloss were pulled back to reveal a simple underlying truth.  It was, in essence, a dose of perspective, a view from high and far enough away to see the big picture, and not the surface detail.  As I sat at the base of a boulder, gazing at the stone igloo and gawking at how completely insane were the men who dragged their sledges to this desolate nowhere to build it, I suddenly saw my life as it appeared in the Author's notes.

Ever since first getting the inkling that this story would make a good graphic novel, it has felt like a calling.  I said 'no' to the calling for years – some sort of cosmic wrong number – but when I finally said 'yes' everything started falling into place.  That is supposed to be a good sign, for a calling.  And I was happy following it, though it wasn't easy or comfortable.  As far as I could deduce, under my own power, it seemed like what I ought to be doing.  That is not to say there weren't doubts, especially in the grey light of a winter morning when I would lie in my rented bed, looking at my desk and wondering what on earth I was doing with my life.  And I was not untroubled by other concerns: Shouldn't I be more helpful to my family? Why have I been persistently unable to find a tribe, or a relationship?  Will I be allowed to stay in the UK?  Can I do this work and keep myself fed and housed?

Here, on a wind-scoured ridge on the edge of nowhere, reflecting on its history of unbelievable and, it could be argued, pointless hardship, one might expect to realise the folly of one's ways, and to swear off quixotic enterprises in favour of the hitherto unappreciated quotidian stuff that really matters.  But that is not what happened.  Instead, I got this dose of clarity:

I am here to tell this story.  Not here, at Cape Crozier, in this instant (although that too), but here, on this planet, as a human being.  This is what I am for.

Whatever I need to make it happen will be provided.  No less, and no more.

Everything else?  Tangential.  Not worth worrying about.  What needs to happen, will happen, and if it doesn't happen, it didn't need to.  And that's OK.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

When I was young, we had a puzzle of the United States of America.  It was made of Masonite, and the pieces were cut out in the shapes of the states, which would be assembled to fill the recessed outline of the country.  Because they were geographical shapes and not interlocking jigsaw pieces, they would slide and rattle around until the last one got wedged in and locked everything else in place.

Most of my life, I have felt like that rattly puzzle.  I didn't realise it because I had never known there was another way to be.  But there under the boulder it felt like that last piece had been dropped in, that secured all the loose ones.  It was not that Cape Crozier was my missing piece and now that I had it I was complete – that is far too literal.  The missing piece was a something that wasn't even a thing; rather, in that moment of clarity, I felt all the jangling bits come to rest, and a wholly unfamiliar solidity.  At last the clay wobbling around the potter's wheel had been centred, and I felt a metaphysical ground beneath my metaphysical feet that I had not known it was possible to feel.

Ironically, the rest of the day I felt like I wasn't touching the actual ground at all, perhaps because what I was anchored to was on another plane entirely.  The stumbling shamble through the wind back to the helicopter might as well have been happening to someone else.  We took off into the gale, and though the pilot acted as though it was perfectly ordinary, when we were rounding the ridge he said 'wow, that's the rotor all the way to the left' which I didn't understand but didn't sound great.  Nevertheless the sense of peace persisted, and I understood how, in his last letter to his wife, which he knew would be his last, Wilson could have kept insisting 'all is well.'  (I knew why he wrote that: he had read Julian of Norwich.  But now I understood why.)

The journey back was a transcendence all of its own, the beauty of which seemed to be a perfectly natural outward manifestation of that altered state.  We touched down in time for me to make it to the Galley just as it opened for dinner, so we couldn't have been gone two whole hours, and that seemed absurd to me – surely I had sat under that boulder for two hours at least?  Or had we only been at the igloo ten minutes?  It was impossible to tell.

What I wanted more than anything was to go up a mountain and ponder the whole thing, alone, until it sorted itself out and I was ready to come back down again.  I could have gone up Observation Hill, but the weather looked liable to turn into a proper blizzard at any moment.  So, lacking a better option, I went to go eat, and, after having a chuckle at the Cherry Turnovers, slunk to the back where I could usually count on having a small wallflower table to myself, especially this early.  But one of the larger tables was full of young dudes talking about bar fights they'd been involved in, and I just … couldn't.  So I wandered into the main area and discovered the One Strange Rock crew having an early dinner as well, begged a spot at their table, and ate swaddled in friendly natter instead of at one with the universe in a blizzard.  It amounted to much the same thing.

Eventually one of them said, 'You went to Cape Crozier today, didn't you? How was that?'

I made an exploding gesture around my head and said 'Pkhhhh.'

Cherry wrote that the Winter Journey 'had beggared our language'.  I am sure that my inarticulate gesture is not what he meant.  But at the same time, in fact at that very dinner, I realised something about his writing.  The Winter Journey chapter is unanimously regarded as the finest part of The Worst Journey in the World.  Some people question that this otherwise unremarkable country gent, who never produced another book, could have written with such profound and expressive talent, and they posit that his friend and neighbour George Bernard Shaw, who definitely did consult on the book, must have ghostwritten it.  I have read enough of Cherry's writing – in his own hand – to know this is bosh; the voice and the style are distinctly his.  What's more, I was surprised to discover, when going through his journals, that a large portion of the Winter Journey chapter was not written last, despite it being the last to join the manuscript of Worst Journey, but was in fact written in his bunk at Cape Evans while he was recuperating from the experience.  In the published book, he singles out some passages as being from 'my own diary' but great tracts of unattributed narration are more or less verbatim quotations as well.  The experience related therein feels so immediate because it was.

The rest of Worst Journey, while perfectly readable, is largely a narrative rewrite of Cherry's and others' diaries.  Sometimes he lets others carry the story for pages at a time.  His writing is undeniably good, but is often simply mortar, filling gaps and binding sources together to tell a history that no human invention could better.  The Winter Journey chapter, on the other hand, reads like a torrent of pure inspiration pouring through him onto the page.  That such vivid, timeless prose should have come from an exhausted 25-year-old in his bunk in a wooden hut is no less remarkable than from a jaded 35-year-old in the library of his country house.

Artists of all stripes will often say that their best work is not their own creation, but feels like it already existed and came through them from somewhere else. It's as if there's a great Beyond where things that need to come into the world – stories, images, performances – queue up for passage through artists' minds and bodies.  Sometimes one taps into it by luck; usually it's a combination of training and discipline that makes the link traversable, from time to time.  Perhaps artists' minds are their own thin places, in a way.  Sitting there at dinner with my friends, I felt as though I'd brushed against the fabric between this reality and that Beyond, and, like touching the wall of a tent in a rainstorm, broken the surface tension and allowed something through.  I felt like, if I just put pencil to paper, something could flow through me, if only I could narrow down a subject.  With the intensity of his experience, Cherry did not so much brush against the wet tent fabric as punch a hole through it; feeling just a small inkling of that myself, it was no wonder that the creative energy poured into his diary with such intuitive eloquence.

Had I sat down to write this that night, perhaps I could have tapped into that flow, but I didn't feel I was ready.  I can guarantee you that right now I am not tapped into anything but a vague and dwindling recollection.  As vast as the experience was, by putting a box of words around it, I cannot help but reduce it to the confines of the box.  But that is the best I can do under my own power.

Compared to the seismic transformation of character brought about by my first vicarious encounter with Antarctica, the insight at Cape Crozier was very small and personal, but once in place, the ramifications have been substantial.  When I arrived back home, just before Christmas, the world was still as it ever was, but I was different, and I noticed how differently I related to everything.  Things I loved about Cambridge, which previously made me desperate to stay, I appreciated no less, but valued instead as something I had the honour to enjoy for a while, and didn't need to hold on to.  A young-adults group which I'd hung around, formerly a precious simulacrum of a social life, now felt hollow, and I abandoned it in favour of time spent one-on-one with the handful of people who I really appreciated.  They all said I seemed different; one person said I seemed 'sad', but I think I had just taken the mask off the seriousness which tends to frighten people. I have never been afraid to be myself, but in recent years have tried to mitigate that self in relation to others; there seemed no point to that, now.  It was as if my inner gyroscope had finally started spinning, and I had a sense of balance and orientation that I hadn't before.

Holding on to the clarity of that moment, and the centredness it brought me, has not been easy.  It didn't keep me from panicking when my housemate excoriated me back in March.  It didn't focus my mind on my work as soon as I'd moved into the new place, or save me from getting angry and frustrated when battling my tax returns.  Sometimes it's very hard to remember at all.  But I know what happened, and I can remember remembering, even if I can't recapture the feeling itself.  Sometimes, when it's very windy, I seek out a high open place in the hope of feeling it again, but it hasn't worked.  Maybe it doesn't need to.  Having it once was all I really needed, and even if I succeeded in flicking those switches again, what good would it do that hasn't already been done?

I could not foresee, on that windswept ridge on the edge of reality, where the world would be in 2020.  In wry moments I think I was only a few months ahead of a large portion of humanity, who have been forced to sort things out when the pandemic stripped away their preoccupations and illusions.  Maybe you are one of them, and you recognise some of what I've described.  Maybe you feel like you've been running away from it.  Maybe you have been running towards it but have been unable to find it.  All I can tell you is: it's worth the seeking.

I wish everyone in the world could visit Antarctica, even just once, and see how it changes them.  The world would be such a better place.  I am so profoundly grateful that I had the chance, and am determined to pay it forward by bringing some shred of that experience to as many people as possible.  If my communication fails to bridge that gap for you, then take it upon yourself to find your own thin place.  They are all around.  It only requires that you be receptive, and undertake to look.

[natamoko]

UNEARTHED by @nakamoto

for @11thsense (3.7K)

(There is a reason why Aidonsvalley stands alone, makes its own decisions, attracts and denies, takes and leaves. There is a reason why it has a heart of its own.)

On the door of the Church of St. Agnes, a page was stamped: “1 PETER 2:4-6 — As you come to him, the living Stone - rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him - you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

A crimson thumbprint was displayed alongside the words, and Raheem didn’t know whether to take it as some extremely obvious omen or something that should be ignored. He shrugged and went on his way. He had things to do. Nothing necessary, of course.

Aidonsvalley attracted a healthy amount of tourists due to its strange nature. The sun appeared at dawn and left at dusk just like it did everywhere else in the world. Everything worked as it should, but evidently something was amiss. The land chose what it acquired and what it discarded. It chose what it claimed and what it dismissed. And if you did everything right, (and you had to—those who didn’t could never die, those who didn’t would wander and lead a life of toil forever) then the land embraced you warmly enough and you would never get to leave. Raheem had been claimed not too long ago. Partially because of his transformation when he was fifteen, partially for a reason he had not yet understood. That knowledge was long overdue.

Aidonsvalley loved the supernatural, he knew that much.

Despite the wonders it did for the town’s tourism, he couldn’t help but mess with the newcomers everytime they arrived. They marvelled at the aging billboards (“Look, honey, this is the ‘56 ad! From the D’Arcy era; you know I love my beverage trivia—”) and the churches at every corner, more churches than convenience stores. They usually arrived in the evening times when it was cooler, because that was when the neon electronic advertisements would light up. No one ever donated their used dreams, but they sure loved staring at it.

Raheem, from a folding chair situated near a rhododendron bush, noted that these particular tourists looked alike, but not so much that you could mistake them for siblings. They were both wiry and tall, limp blonde hair; one was pulled back in almost identical ponytails, while the other was closely and badly shaven. Diligently poring over the maps in their hands.

The couple peered at the statue before them—Edmund Aidon, the founder of the town. His image was said to be greatly exaggerated, as his biceps were larger than what seemed humanly possible, and his canines were unusually blunt. Still, he looked important, so tourists adored him.

The woman, the one with a fascination for old Coca Cola television advertisements, tapped lightly against Aidon’s thigh. Her partner asked, “Isn’t it magnificent?”

“I’m not too sure,” she said, giving it another light knock before straightening and snapping a photo. “Smile, Edmund Aidon. 1834 to 1911. Timor dei in terra. I think that’s his own personal motto, or maybe something for the town. You studied Latin in school, Geoff, what does that say?”

“All I got was ‘terra’,” he said with a shrug, “Land. And are you okay? Why are you obsessed with that thing?”

Raheem had never offered the statue anything other than a sidewards glance. The tourists in the area generally camped near the lake, hoping to catch sight of the legendary local siren (or something close to that—there wasn’t a word to accurately describe her). Or sometimes they lingered near one of the many churches, over-analysing the scripts hung to the doorposts or trying to catch a word or two from one of the sermons. A rumour had started spreading amongst the tourists a while ago of demons being summoned in church, the house of God being used as a cover. As a demon himself, Raheem knew that was untrue. But its unlikeliness didn’t stop the persistent, eager tourists.

If they were going to remain here, poking at the statue and conversing, they should spend some money on him and make themselves useful. Raheem continued listening to their conversation, considering whether he should use his influence. But unfortunately, he wasn’t really in the mood to make them both walk off the pier, hand in hand, and become April’s supper, or cause them to develop a sudden intense fascination with his father’s restaurant.

The woman turned to her partner. Raheem could see her face from here, all sunburned skin and worry in her eyes. She scratched at her crooked nose and gave the statue one last tap. “I don’t know. It feels hollow, almost. Forgive me for this, but slightly corrugated, even.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” ‘Geoff’ said, not even bothering to check for himself. Idiot. “The guide says it’s made of marble. Marble doesn’t echo.”

“This does.” She sighed and stood up. “Whatever. We should head to the hotel now. I’m starving.”

• • •

It started with Alex losing sleep. Then his jaw would begin to grind against itself while he was both sleeping and awake. His eyes would redden and become sore, the skin on the tips of his fingers would begin ache before breaking and bleed in preparation of what would happen next.

It did not matter whether he was indoors or out, visible to the moon or hidden, awake or asleep. It was an inevitable part of his life. There would be a chanting in his head (run run run), the urge to find someone and pull them apart. Then there would be prey underneath his fingernails and between his teeth, blood would taste more like fear than copper, and the ground would move beneath his feet so quickly it would hear but beneath him. When the sun would rise he would become still and straighten and look eastwards, then shortly find himself waking on the forest floor. That was routine.

This moon was particularly awful. Coffee severely worsened things, made the readjusting of bones so much more painful, and he had been drinking it no less than ten hours ago in order to stay awake and supervise his younger sister’s recent dressmaking project. His parents were not pleased with him being left in charge, especially since the moon was so close, but there had been no one else.

Alex picked a piece of bone from between his teeth, imagining it came from his father’s femur or his mother’s skull. They were the more harmless Aidonsvalley folk—or, at least, the sort that believed themselves to be harmless when they were just weak—and he despised them for it. They were related to him but were not his family.

He suddenly felt around for his glasses’ case. He was not especially helpless without them, but they were the key to looking relatively normal. Only a select few people knew who he was. His moon-addled mind had concluded that his glasses were the key to stopping the residents of Aidonsvalley from looking too closely at him and figuring out exactly what was wrong.

Alex gave up and struggled to his feet, holding a tree for support. Within the forest stood an oak, with the beginnings of a treehouse balanced atop it.

He grinned. It’ll never be finished. Aidonsvalley chose what to keep and what to throw away, and buildings would never be included in the former. The most recent home that hadn’t been destroyed by the town had been built in the mid-twentieth century. It was just another strange part of the town that Alex was simply not particularly interested in solving. However he did like to reminisce about Anita Darlington’s attempt to build a windmill when Alex was younger. She was his aging neighbour, and spent an entire season constructing her windmill, which stood next to her vegetable garden.

It was struck by lightning less than an hour after it’s completion. Alex had been riding his bicycle next to her house when the incident occurred. He still remembered the flash in the sky moving downwards, his hammering heart, the smell of burning wood. He remembered the fright in his chest and Umi’s terrified face. He remembered how pleasant of a day it had been beforehand: warm, but not overbearingly so. Not a single rain-cloud had been sighted.

•••

“I’m telling you,” Raheem insisted, his hand holding onto Umi’s upper arm. “I’ve never seen someone stare at it for so long. You have a good eye—”

“So do you,” said Umi. He gave the statue a gentle knock and frowned. “It feels cheap. Too light. It’s almost like sandpaper. I’ve felt something like this before.”

A week had passed since the incident with the tourists, and Raheem had spent it scamming them by selling useless trinkets and completely fake stories about the origin of the town’s strangeness. He usually undertook little projects throughout the year, but it was summer and he deserved somewhat of a break. The ancient Coca Cola bottle he found buried in his garden and had subsequently sold to the blonde, observant woman would support his expensive lifestyle for at least a week at most.

If Raheem scraped the top layer of the soil in his garden, he could find enough things to set up his own museum. It was not a phenomena exclusive to him, and additionally, no one knew where all those things came from originally. Once, when uprooting weeds, one of the townsfolk, Amara, had discovered that her front garden was soaked in blood, not water. That explained why she couldn’t grow anything more demanding than cress.

Kel took Umi’s hand. He had sort of forced himself into this boring excuse of an adventure, but Raheem didn’t mind because he didn’t mind Kel. He was quite fond of anyone who sought out an entertaining experience.

“Never knew a tourist would work you up this much,” said Kel cheerfully, before pointing to a mark behind Edmund Aidon’s knee. “Hey, what’s this?”

“Looks like a square,” said Umi, leaning forward to see it clearer. “How did you spot this anyway?”

“Not sure,” answered Kel, despite obviously knowing that the mark had shifted itself, working up towards their line of sight so it could be seen. Those sort of things were ignored here. Everything had a life, and its own motives and ambitions. “In my opinion, it looks like a jackhammer, a bit. If you turn your head and squint.”

“No it does not,” said Raheem, annoyed. “It’s a cradle.”

Yes, it did appear to be a cradle the longer he looked at it. The thin bars grew clearer. Somehow he could tell it was wooden. But something about it all wasn’t right—it didn’t look like something carved into the statue. Rather, something that had been a part of it ever since it was constructed. Aidonsvalley didn’t have a symbol, official or unofficial. Something strange was certainly going on. Raheem wasn’t sure if he wanted to dig deeper.

“This is odd,” remarked Umi. “This is the only thing that survives Aidon—no other records as far as I know, and there’s something carved here. Should we look into it?”

“Maybe,” said Kel. “This isn’t very strange for this town, but it’ll be fun to investigate. But where? The library won’t be much help. They don’t keep records there.”

The only library in Aidonsvalley was this stuffy building from the early twentieth century that held absolutely nothing of value. Investigative material couldn’t be brought in for some reason or the other. It was all rejected in some form. The town archives had to be kept elsewhere because of it. As a demonstration of this fact, once, the mayor's niece Stephanie Murray attempted to trace the nearby lake’s history. Her paper had promptly burst into flames, and she decided to complete her project in a café maybe an hour or two away from the town. Really, the only thing the library had going for it was its complete Toni Morrison collection.

“They keep the town’s archive in the church on main street,” said Umi. “You know the one: St. Agnes. Apparently there’s a cellar underneath the altar, but I can’t be too sure.” He turned to Raheem, expressionless. Unsure. “Look, if you can find a way to get in, I’ll help you out. You know I’m not too certain.”

“I know,” replied Raheem brightly. “Doubting Thomas. Do you even think there’s something strange afoot?”

“Well there’s always something going on here,” said Umi, affronted. “If we get caught, it’s your fault. I’ll get Alex in on this as well, it’ll make things easier, I think.” Pause. “Do you want to get ice-cream with us?”

He waved a dismissive hand and turned back to Aidon. “Sure. Go ahead, I just need to check something.”

The two waved—Umi visibly confused but still sure in his own decision, Kel apprehensive and glancing around—and made their way to the nearby parlour.

Raheem placed his hand flat against the statue. Something shifted beneath his touch, he heard a faint noise like a beating drum, and he frowned.

Half an hour later on the other side of town, Alex stood at the lakeside. The lake beside Aidonsvalley (still technically within the town but somewhat shoved to the side) was the subject of many rumours. The tourists all cleared out before the sun had fully set, interested in what apparently went down beside the lake, but still in possession of some sense of self-preservation. Unfortunately, Alex did not have the aforementioned sense of self-preservation.

The only harm that could possibly befall him was if he lost his balance and fell down into the lake. There were pointed rocks below, carefully sharpened at dawn and at dusk, and if he pierced any part of his body, he most certainly would not survive that experience.

There was someone standing on the jetty above the lake. Alex recognised him as one of the Fallow brothers, three siblings from a family of mechanics. They handled the people who “washed up at the town’s shores,” fixed their cars, cleared their memories and sent them away. He was a high school student. Perfectly average. Nearly unnoticed. Graduating this fall.

And April was also below him, treading the water. Her hair floated on the surface. Alex averted his gaze, half out of respect and half to avoid her hypnotic technique. But he still saw her from the corner of his eyes, saw the way she unhinged her jaw and said the Fallow boy’s name: Matthew, in a voice she didn’t possess.

The boy moved closer to the ledge. He crouched and peered through the water. April’s power was clouding the air, turning it green. Matthew moved slowly, as if he were running through a lime cloud as if in a trance. Or a dream. Then he called for his mother and April responded in kind. He, foolishly, reached for the water, looking at her face and seeing his late mother instead of what she truly was. April grabbed his wrist and pulled.

He toppled over easily, and didn’t struggle until April sank her teeth into his neck. He flailed desperately and cried out from under the water. His movements slowed with every second until he finally fell still.

April emerged from the lake a moment later, her upper half collapsing on the ledge. She looked up at Alex and grinned. “It’s rude to watch a siren eat, you know.”

“Really?”

“No,” she said, “But it is an indicator that you’re the main entrée.” Her smile widened. “Kidding, I love you.”

Alex continued to watch the water. “He wasn’t claimed, you know. He can’t die until he gets things right. I’d expect to find him in the sewers. Or in the church.”

“Why’d you think I chose him?” April questioned. 

They stared at each other for a moment before Alex reminded her of the time he saved her from these ‘low-quality’ whalers, as he dubbed it. She owed him, she even said that earlier. Then he told her that he needed her help breaking into her uncle’s church. Her hand shot out so fast, tightening around his earlobe, that he shouted and wobbled perilously on the edge.

“Idiot,” she chastised, “Why’d you wanna do that?”

April had this unfortunate habit of being constantly hesitant. It was not a con, for sure, but it certainly hindered any interesting activities Alex thought up. This was the wrong time to be careful, he reckoned, because if there was a mystery surrounding Aidonsvalley, then it was bound to be serious. She should know this.

“Something weird is happening,” said Alex, separating her fingers from around his ear and trying to keep his tone light. If he appeared to be desperate, she might decline just to fuck with him. “Raheem told me.”

“Raheem is a compulsive liar.”

“Not to me.”

He belatedly realised that it was the wrong thing to say.

“No,” April answered with a grin. “Not to you.”

Sensing a serious change of subject, Alex quickly arranged himself to a sitting position further up on the ledge. He balanced his chin against his palm and gave her a long look. She raised her brows in turn.

“Do you not have the stomach for this, April?”

“Of course I have the stomach for this,” she snapped. “I’m just careful, unlike you lot.” She paused. “I’ll help you plan your little heist, but don’t tell me what it’s for.” Despite herself, April grinned at him. “If that happens, I’ll get really interested. Things will all go down from there.”

•••

Raheem sat on the stone steps of St. Agnes, a book in hand. It was in French, a language he didn’t recall ever learning, but he could understand it perfectly. Strange. Even stranger was the fact that he could not walk past the altar for some reason, so Alex and Umi were the ones who had to retrieve the appropriate town records. Raheem was not pleased. He started this adventure, but had been forced to play whistleblower instead.

“How annoying,” he said as his phone began to ring.

“Found something about the town’s origins,” said Umi, breathing hard. From a distance, Raheem heard Alex laugh. “None about Edmund Aidon himself, though. I’m beginning to doubt his existence.”

“Tell me more. Is it interesting?”

A sharp inhale. “Oh, very.”

And it went like this:

The Preston’s were a family known for their hatred for supernatural creatures and how they exercised the aforementioned hatred. Once they were a few generations into the family practice of murder, several other families joined together with them to help achieve their shared goals. They called themselves The Cradle. Soon enough a town was founded for the five thousand or so members, and its name was unpronounceable.

About a century after the town’s creation, someone received word of a counterattack. In just a matter of days, vampires, werewolves and other supernaturals would band together and burn the town to the ground. Fearing something a little worse than death, the townsfolk hypocritically sought out a method to save them. They selected a random person in the town and made them live forever. The exact method, Umi stated, was not stated. Then the other townsfolk transformed themselves into the town—they knocked down the church and all the homes and created new walls out of their own flesh. The altar was made of bone. They drained the lake and replaced it with their own blood. The grass and the trees were fertilised with people, and the person they left behind was meant to bring them back once the danger had been averted, but they didn’t.

With a chill creeping down his spine, Raheem noted that the person might still be in Aidonsvalley. He glanced around in worry for a moment, as if the person might just be standing at his shoulder. Thankfully no such thing existed, but something else attracted his attention.

A porcelain statue near the church’s pillar, of a mother holding its child. It could be mistaken for Mary and the baby Jesus, but its features were hauntingly realistic and unlike the usual paintings of the Madonna and child. Beneath the porcelain was flesh, presumably. Raheem stared at the child holding his mother’s finger, sat in her lap, and felt a feeling both strong and indescribable.

“So presumably Aidon came across an already furnished yet empty town, then re-established it,” said Raheem, “But if that’s the case, wouldn’t there be anything about him? It’s like he just sprouted here.”

Things in this town tended to do that, he reminded himself. He was used to everything here. The tourist had described the statue in a strange manner. Slightly corrugated. That could mean skin, but it was hollow—

“There’s a chance that he was the person left behind,” said Umi slowly, “and no one ever thought to write it down since he’s a constant. You wouldn’t take note of the colour of the sky everyday? It’s either blue, red and sometimes black. We know that.”

They both hung up after Umi agreed to finish up shortly. Kel joined Raheem on the steps, very carefully not meeting his eyes. Perhaps the blue colour was too bright for this time at night, Raheem told himself.

The more Kel touched a stone step with his fingertips, the more it wore away until it revealed a portion of a face. Grey-skinned, open-mouthed, expression trapped somewhere between terror and exhilaration. The person’s eyes, fixed skywards, slowly lolled down to look directly at Kel. If its mouth was visible, Raheem would have received confirmation that it was smiling.

That was two incidents now, he stated privately as his heart jumped. The first was the cradle appearing just as Kel drew near, the second was the face.

When Umi and Alex returned and led the other two away, the stone replaced itself and the face was safely hidden away. As the four followed the path they had followed for well over a decade, Raheem distinctively felt like he was being watched. Perhaps it had always been this way, but now that he knew that Aidonsvalley was a real, living, breathing town, he felt it strongly.

There was one thing he knew for sure, though. When he would eventually sit in his living room, surrounded by relatives that were not family, and press his head against the wall, he would hear breathing. A deep inhale and exhale. It makes the whole world shake, but he’s the only one who feels it. He’s one of the only people that knows this town is made of living stone.

[redheadscribe]

Fate Winx Saga Review

This is the Winx Club

This isn't

Ah Winx Club, I remembering waking up early in the morning to watch it on Saturday, I thought that it was a cool show and my favorite character was Bloom during the first three seasons when it was under 4Kids. I thought that the characters were cool, the setting was pretty awesome as well and overall it was fun. Years later I was pretty shocked that it is still going on though from what I heard it has lost a lot of it’s quality with season eight being a mixed bag and an okay art style. Now Netflix has acquired the rights and there were two separate shows that they produce.

The first being World of Winx, an animated spin off show showing the girls hiding out on earth helping people and dealing with an evil version of Tinkerbell? In all honesty I was a little confused like how was this a spin off? Was it a spin off from season four as Roxy is a supporting character in this universe? That part confused me but overall it was a pretty good show but at this point I don’t think Winx Club fans wouldn’t mind a reboot that got the She-Ra treatment. Needless to say Winx Club is a popular show that was big in Italy and other countries but it is not what it used to be. Especially when we have this show to talk about Fate: A Winx Saga.

When I first saw the trailer I was pretty confused because none of the shots in the trailer reminded me of Winx Club. Also none of the characters were recognizable as they white washed and replaced Flora, and also white washed Musa. The only three characters that were recognizable were Bloom, Stella and Aisha. However there personalities have changed so much that I can’t even say that this is a faithful adaptation. I know in adaptations there has to be certain changes that you have to make because either to budget or they can’t fit it in and some stuff has to be cut. The least the show could do was get the fashion right, I mean the only one who should be wearing red is Musa while Bloom is the one that wears different shades of blue. Then again the fashion overall is a big joke and they really should fire the costume designer as I looked and she has had no experience dressing up teenagers. Rants out of the way lets see how they butchered the characters.

Let’s start with the leading Pyromaniac herself, Bloom. What the hell did they do to my girl? As a fellow redhead myself it is safe to say Bloom was the one I lean towards to the most even though I did see myself in Tecna, and Flora. Bloom is a stuck up bitch in this show and has to make it all about her, which was one of the problems in some of season four and later on. She is also unbelievably gullible and really stupid. She basically believes anything that Beatrix, a psychopath and a known liar about the whole Not Domino city, yeah I don’t care about the name of this said city in other world. She is a problematic Pyromaniac something that cartoon Bloom season 1-3 would be horrified about, and surprisingly bland.

Now, this Bloom could have worked if there were either more episodes or just better writers. Think about it, she is a girl who discovers that she has these unknown powers and when her emotions get the better of her and harm her family she could be a little distant and closed off. She is angry and confused because she doesn’t understand what is happening which can lead her to feeling a lot of emotions. Though I do hate the fact that they ruined Mike and Vanessa but I forgot that this is a teen drama and as a teen drama parents are assholes, it is the law of teen television. There could have been a nice arc of Bloom dealing with the fact that she has been lied to her entire life, feeling angry and betrayed but then going back to the Bloom we love from the first three seasons as she realized that she was the same person, she just now has a place where she can feel at home while also having awesome fire powers. However we got the worst of Bloom that is shown post season five.

Now lets get to Stella, and I will try my best to contain my rage when I am writing this. Did a person who worked on this show really thought that it would be a great idea to change Stella and make her Diaspro? You know we could’ve added Diaspro and Stella in the same show, she and Stella could’ve been friends due to the two girls being royalty, but then both Stella and Sky would realize that she is a toxic person and break away from her. This is not Stella and the cartoon Stella wouldn’t be caught dead in some of the outfits that she was wearing, maybe the last episode outfit but that’s about it. They could’ve done something with her wardrobe, they could have her dress up as a old woman when her mother was around trying to impress her, and then dress up in clothes that the original Stella is known to wear. Stella is a stereotypical mean girl and there is nothing nuanced about her portrayal. This is not Stella this is Diaspro with Stella’s name.

Now let’s get on to Aisha, she is a fine characters but this isn’t Aisha as she has none of Aisha’s personality she is not even a princess of Andros and well she has no story outside of helping her white friend. Aisha was a standout of season two and had one of the best character entrances in the series. She doesn’t get a story of her own and she is relegated to just being the best friend that get’s Bloom out of trouble. The actress Precious Mustapha deserves way better than what they are giving her.

Now it is time for everybody’s favorite white-washed duo Terra/Flora and Musa. There have been videos and posts that are going over how stupid Netflix and Rainbow for doing this. Just to give everybody context, Musa’s appearance is based off of Lucy Liu and Flora is based off of Jennifer Lopez. I think that speaks for itself in how Netflix and Rainbow screwed this up especially when there are plus size Latinix actresses they could have casted. Now let’s get into their character, weirdly enough they are the ones that have the most interesting friendship dynamic, Terra is a fine character but she is not Flora and Musa is a lot more cold hearted and instead of being a fairy of music she is a mind fairy who is an empath. Now music in a way can evoke emotions and connect people on a deep level but her empathic powers are so undefined. Terra is a fine enough character and her family is pretty interesting.

Now lets get into the boys, Sky, Riven, Dane, and Sam. If there is one thing that I could applaud the show is that anyone can be a fairy or a specialist, it’s just a pity that they excluded the witches. Then again the witches do get the short end of the stick even in the cartoon. Sky is bland, and the actor only ever had one expression throughout the whole show. Riven is, well Riven has always been a jerk but cartoon Riven had some more well likable features than TV show Riven. Dane, he’s fine I would have liked him more if he wasn’t taking so many stupid pills when it came to Riven and Beatrix, boy he needs to find a better man to crush on becuase, Riven is not worth it at all, even if I didn’t like his performance I could definitely see him crushing on Sky way more than Riven. Sam is a fun character and I was glad to see a male fairy added to the school but that’s all I can say about him the boys are okay. If there was one thing that I enjoyed about World of Winx is that they didn’t include the boys and there was nothing lost from it, it was just the girls kicking ass and taking names.

There is not much to say about the school staff and Dowling is a fine character that is a lot like Faragonda, only really ever helps Bloom and reassuring her she is special. I wish there was more done with Terra’s father and all but nope any positive family interaction is bad in a teen show. Overall the school staff, I don’t think that we can even call them a school staff they were a joke.

Now let’s get into the villains, if there is one thing that fans of the first four season can agree on is that the villains were always a standout for each season one. That being said the only effective villain is Beatrix, even though they could have just done the Trix. Let me just say this, The Trix were a great villain for the first season and well they went downhill like the whole cartoon show. Also what is the deal with Rosalind and Sky’s father. To be fair Sky’s dad in the cartoon show has always been a jerk but a jerk that raised a psychopath like Beatrix is too much. I am a little nervous about how they will do if they actually introduce The Trix, Lord Darkar, and Valtor or even the Wizard’s of the Black Circle. Needless to say the villains were just bland.

That is if they actually even use the villains from the cartoon show because so far we have the rather bland Rosalind, I just don’t care for her and there is no need for her to be in the show, Daphne does not deserve this. Then there is Sky’s father and I don’t care and Luna and wow does every teen show have to have terrible parents. How is a cartoon show from the early 2000s is more diverse and interesting than this? I just don’t care at all about the villains except for Beatrix.

There is also the fact that the show is only six episodes and that really does hinder the show as the show could’ve used more episodes to flesh things out then maybe just maybe this show would’ve been interesting. I also see that there are some writers and producers from the Vampire Diaries that are attached to this project and well that explains why some aspects of the show seems dated. Overall Fate, is a bland show that definitely does have better writing than Riverdale but that is not saying much. The characters are bad, and the fashion is terrible something that was a main aspect of the show. The world is generic getting rid of the epic sci-fi fantasy world and Rainbow should’ve just rebooted the animated show.

[psychic-refugee]

My thoughts on Fate: Winx Saga

SPOILERS

I was never into the cartoon, it was only in my peripheral growing up. I did like fairies in general, particularly that they had magic and could fly. Other than that, Winx just didn’t have a pull for me. I wasn’t that into the animation style, and every character was just so weirdly tall and skinny for me.

So, in terms of nostalgia or any connection with the cartoon, it’s just not there for me. I don’t have those type of complaints.

I do think the criticisms of whitewashing are fair and hopefully the writers/directors/casting directors take note.

This review is written de novo, it’s watching it as a totally outside viewer and judging it on the series itself. I will be reviewing as if I had NO prior knowledge of the show (which I basically didn’t) and will review as if the whitewashing hadn’t happened.  I'll also admit that I was in and out when actually paying attention because I got bored, so some questions might be things I missed.

I think there’s way too many references to the cartoon without any world building. They keep mentioning different realms and different types of people, there’s an entire monarchal system that it all just kind of is mentioned but not built upon. Sky’s apparently a prince but they totally glaze over that.

Some other things they mention are the Specialists. Are there “humans” in these different realms, is that what they call non-magical people who aren’t fairies? They just kind of drop Bloom into this world, and us with her, and I feel there’s no foundation. I’m just lost and clueless as to where she is and what is going on. They do some flashbacks, but they only serve to show how traumatized Bloom is and I guess make her more sympathetic.

So, there’s too many references to the show for new people…but it has none of the charm and nostalgia for fans of the cartoon series. It’s the worst of both worlds.

I don’t get why it was only six episodes. Most Netflix originals are at least 8 and usually 10 episodes. It feels like they didn’t have that much confidence in the series, or was it cut short because of Covid? I feel like they should have used those missing 2-4 episodes to world build. I would have preferred they actually show Bloom on Earth (1st realm?) pre-powers and show her meeting Dowling. Then Dowling does an in-depth explanation of Other Realm.

They basically need a Hermione to infodump.

Once again, to make the series “dark and edgy” they hire 25-30somethings to play teenagers. Bloom says she was born in 2004? If it’s 2020/21 then she’s 16/17…yeah no. Abigail Cowen is a beautiful woman, but she is not a teenager. Alfea is a school to teach fairies their magic, are they all supposed to be around that age? NO WAY they are. The girls who know they’re fairies, why are they just now going to school? It feels like they’ve known about and had their powers for a while, why is there no fairy highschool?

What’s the time period of the series? It feels like it takes place over a week, two at most. The relationships and pacing feels super rushed. Everyone is like protective and “we’re deeply close friends” even though we’re super bitchy to each other most of the time. Nothing was resolved.

Was it really just a 6-episode trailer for the actual season if it did well enough?

Why is Bloom so insanely gullible? She literally believes EVERYONE’S story they tell her even though she literally just met them.

I thought Aisha just blurting out, second day she’s known Bloom btw, Bloom’s a changeling was like super fucking harsh. Like this is beyond tactless. “Let me tell you this possibly traumatic and lifechanging news even though I literally don’t know you and I know nothing about your family or history.” And she told Bloom in the middle of the fucking mess hall, in a public place. This is just messy and lazy writing, they’re bum brushing through the season and plowing through important plot points.

Everything else feels like tired tropes on steroids. Beautiful rich girl is a megabitch with a sad rich girl story. Fat girl is shy and awkward with a heart of gold and a crush on a guy who doesn’t see her at all. They dress her in the most unflattering clothes they can find. Not that anyone has a particularly eye catching fashion sense (especially not in line with the cartoon), but fuck them for making Terra dowdy. Dane is I guess the outcast that gets pulled into what looks to be a fascist extremist group with Beatrix. Sure, why not.

Why is Dane all up in Beatrix’s snatch? “She makes me feel…” asshole, you’ve hung out with her once and aren’t even sleeping with her. He basically commits treason for two people who haven’t even shown romantic interest in him. Furthermore, Riven and Beatrix are bitchy to him, what does he get out of this friendship?

The Sky-Silva-Andreas plot makes NO sense. So, Andreas thinks Rosalind committed a war crime and wants to report her. Silva is like, no we’re soldiers and must follow orders, he is loyal to Rosalind/their military order to the point he actually “kills” Andreas to prevent him from reporting what they had just done. Sometime after that, Rosalind saves and convinces Andreas to her side…and convinces him to keep pretending to be dead and effectively abandons his son, in addition to his kingdom because he is king to another planet in the Other Realm.   

We don’t actually know if Rosalind killed regular civilians or blood witches. The latter is the story she tells and it seems Dowling and Silva believe it right away…but why? We never actually see anyone alive in that town, we only see it from a distance when Rosalind lays waste to it, and its ruins when Beatrix and Bloom investigate. We sort of know that Bloom is special, but why save Beatrix? Is she also part of a secret royal line that gives her the electricity power?

What did Rosalind tell Andreas to convince him to her side? What was worth giving up his crown and his son for 18 odd years? If he’s raising Beatrix (I guess that makes Sky and Beatrix adoptive siblings), why not snatch Sky and raise him in secret as well?

And why Andreas? I figure the guy (Silva) who literally killed his friend in order to follow Rosalind’s orders would be the guy to pick. How does Andreas go from “I’m going to report this” to Rosalind’s crony?

If Andreas is presumed dead, doesn’t that make Sky king? He may need a regent until he turns 18, but I feel like that’s something that ought to have been expounded upon.

What exactly is the hierarchy here? The Specialist train at Alfea and appear to be quasi-military/paramilitary force…but who do they report to? Alfea is on Solara, which is ruled by Queen Luna. If Andreas is a king, why is he a Specialist for a foreign government?

How where they able to cover up Andreas’ death? He’s killed by a fellow Specialist in the middle of nowhere, how could Silva not know he hadn’t killed his friend in the time it took for help to arrive?

Overall, I think the story is insanely weak. It feels like they were counting on fans of the cartoon for all the hype…but then didn’t do anything for the fans to like.

[aliynavenus]

DamiRae Fanfic: Vulnerable

Authors note/Summary: Takes place during the new timeline everything that happened in JT VS TT happened even Raven gifting Titus to Damien. Terra didn't die or betray the titans; she's part of the team happily. Also along the way Raven became very fond of Superman thinking of him as a father figure and a mentor. Trigon has now weakened due the help of Constantine's dark magic powers yet Raven still has him but now on a necklace since he isn’t much of a threat to her. Just wanted to clarify so there's no confusion i don't really want to focus on how trigon isn't much of a problem anymore, he just isn’t. keep in mind this is my first time ever writing a fan fiction story and writing in general anyway thank u 

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chapter 1: comfort

Damian walked into the titans conference room only to reveal the massive wreck that the previous day caused. Beast Boy would throw random little surprise parties after missions and this was like every other one. Red plastic cups scattered on the ground along with confetti after beast boy would pop them when the titans walked into the tower last night, loads of pizza boxes surrounded by random fluid that knows what it could be. As of Beast Boy and Conner, their bodies were being tangled up in the couch drool falling dramatically down their mouth. Donna and Terra passed out on the kitchen table literally on the table with red cups in their hand. Jaime has took a departure for a week to be with his family the day before, not attending this little surprise party which was a blessing for him. 

Tsk How could they be so foolish after a few drinks down their system. Damian shook his head heading towards the kitchen to get a water bottle for his morning training, not caring if he made any sound that would wake them up. 

“They’re on the kitchen table this time?” Damian looks up from the fridge door seeing a restless Raven rubbing her violet eyes with her palms. It was only 7 in the morning and considering today they didn't have training but had a conference til 2 o'clock it was rare to see her this early, usually she’ll be meditating in her room a little bit longer. Not like Damian knew her whole morning schedule or anything. 

“Yea, I guess whatever they drank last night hit them harder than usual.” Damian says, raising the bottle of water to drink, “Why are you up early?” 

She shrugs her shoulders, “I felt like making my tea first before meditating today,” Damian nodded looking at her, her hair has gotten longer a little bit passing her shoulders since the last encounter with Slade. The red crystal her father was trapped in now became part of a necklace that laid on her collarbone. His eyes traced down her body taking notice in her pajamas she wore. Her legs bare wearing a pair of navy blue shorts hugging her small curves that he would always notice paired with a rather large dark red shirt that hid all the perfections of her body. He never cared about the female body as to just comparing it to a distraction to please men yet Raven never used it for attention. She was pure whether or not she was the daughter of a demon. That's what she was to him, a considerate flawless untouched being that was real. 

“I’ll feed Titus right now you can go train to get a head start on everyone today, something tells me this hangover is going to kill them today.” Raven eyes their teammates feeling utter failure that the crime fighting superheroes at night are drunkenly passed out experiencing a hangover in broad daylight and might add underage too.

He looks down in her violet eyes, always being fascinated by them looking like a portal to infinite dimensions that could pull him in. “I appreciate it, I’ll take him out for a walk later today” Damian responds to her. She gives a small smile before turning her back to him. He had become less of a brat in his time with the titans but yet still kept his arrogant remarks here and there but it was nice seeing a change in him even if it was ever so slightly. 

He exits to the training room, activating the training system to a level higher from the day before's training. The system activates with holograms of criminals and little silver machines coming out of the ceiling to shoot red lasers at him to make it more realistic, and so he begins battling. 

It’s been quite some time that he and Raven have felt comfortable with each other, ever since Titus especially. Despite the bond that has been connected to them ever since Raven healing him with his fight with Jaime. He and Raven both knew they understood each other the best out of the team, they felt at ease with their presence. He never knew exactly when he started feeling attached to her, nor did it matter because that feeling of wanting to be closer to someone was never negotiated in his life. 

Damian grunts his thoughts cutting when the red laser slices the skin on his shoulder. The effect soon left him with a deep bloody long injury, yet Damian just went harder annihilating his acrobatics when running towards the opposite wall lifting himself to abolish the battling exercise into pieces falling to the ground becoming nothing more than a useless piece of metal. 

An hour later in the other room Raven was picking up the trash her teammates had caused last night with her magic. She knew Kori and Dick would lecture them if they came here with revolting pieces of trash everywhere. 

“Sorry to make you do this i could’ve helped you--ow” The girl with blue eyes remarked only to hit with a sudden headache when she turned her head too fast to stop Raven from picking up all the trash with her abilities.

“It’s okay besides magic, remember.” Raven lifted up her hand as dark purple magic appeared. In a quiet second all the trash was lifted from the floor and gone into the trash. 

“thank you again, so boy wonder is already up and at it.” Donna sips from her cup of tea Raven whipped up for her. 

“Yea he should be done soon.” 

“You should join him ya know training together, a touching moment to share, i mean hellooo sparks flying hmmm..” donna raises her eyebrow with her mouth being covered by the mug she lifted, “I mean come on Raven it doesn't take a genius to see you guys have a connection.” 

Raven let out a small laugh, “Yes a connection we do have,” she lifted her finger pointing to her head reminding her of the mind link. 

Donna rolls her eyes sighing as if she expected her to say that anyway, “A different one i mean,” 

Raven has never thought about Damian and her in that position before although she had to admit he was a sight for sore eyes. Puberty hit him more than the team expected, not to mention his shoulders becoming much broader along with his chest, his height now becoming a head taller than her, his voice became deeper, everything changed in appearance as for her, it was like she became small to him. 

Donna knew something was always between them; it felt like they had their own inside language in their own little way. Whenever they were with the team or on a mission they would exchanged glances and small nods as if it were a secret code.The team noticed but never once mentioned it to both of them in the room knowing damn well that damian would just oppose with an arrogant remark that would just lead to whole argument of back and forth protest. 

 “It’s not like that, we just feel secure with each other that is all.” she dipped her mouth to take a sip from the mug, “Just like you and jon” she quietly said with a hidden smirk. 

Donna’s cheek redden whipping her head towards Raven pouting, “Shhh he’s right there he has super hearing remember.” she whispers pointing at the boy who is still tangled up on the couch sleeping. 

Raven rolls her eyes, “Please he looks dead.” she scoffs tilting her head to view the boy “He might actually be dead considering whatever fluid Beast Boy made to get him like this.” 

Donna sighs lowering her tone “Still, it’s not the same thing either. Just because I like him doesn't mean he sees me that way.He just sees me as the sister of the girl his dad had a fling with. He’s already grossed out at the fact that his dad basically hooked up with my ‘sister’ at one point.” she lowers her head into her arms in defeat. 

“I’m sure he’s not grossed out. It just makes him uncomfortable knowing his dad has been with other women before marrying his mom and that women happen to be wonder women. I think you should keep trying, never know.” Raven smilies at the girl patting her head as a sign of support. 

Damian sees the two females chatting at the table or more like a miserable ball of Donna being pet by Raven. “What’s with you?.” he questions donna walking towards them with a small towel thrown over his shoulder to stop the bleeding from the wound he has just gotten. 

She sniffs, “Just some girl time. Hey did you hear about that new mission Kori has assigned for us?” 

Raven looks at her puzzled, “No. I thought she would come later today to tell us. How’d you hear about it already?” 

“She told me when we were on our way home yesterday. She thought I would take an interest in it especially, so she gave me a heads up.” 

“What is it?” Damian glared at her thinking what it could possibly be. There could be endless possibilities such as tracking down Prometheus once again or perhaps there could be a crisis in Themyscira. Either way he did not care what the mission could be as long as it benefited his combat skills. 

“It’s an undercover mission!” she lifts herself off the chair raising her fits, “Kori said that we're going to be going undercover to night clubs because of some new insights about something dealing with a new serum of something….?” she dies down her words acknowledging she doesn’t actually know what the reason of the mission is. “But! We get to go to nightclubs guys even when we're only 17 i mean come on how cool is that . Being able to dress up in cute little tight dresses, wouldn't that be fun Raven.” her eyes light up as if her dream mission was finally coming true.

Raven blinked, obviously trying to process what she said, “Uh it's not really my taste in missions.” Tight dresses? Getting all dolled up? It’s not like they never done undercover missions before but this was like stepping into a new realm into Donna’s world. It also meant she would have to wear something rather revealing to blend in but her more concern was that Damian was going to see her in scandalous clothing. He was going to see her out of her comfort zone, would he like it? Would her body even look good in it that he would take notice? What is she thinking of course not, he's used to seeing beautiful girls with voluptuous bodies at the academy. How could she compare.

 She sneaks a glance towards Damian in the corner of her eye. He looks pestered as if he was expecting a grand mission that would save human lives but instead got nightclubs? 

“Perfect. We’re going to a destination where people roofy others, drunks everywhere, with horrible music. That was your idea of an interesting mission, Donna?” Damian’s hand fell to rub his temples and bit back a curse before he caught the curious expressions of them. 

Raven shifted over to him “What’s wrong? Did you get injured while training?” immediately telling that something was wrong no matter how many layers he would secrete. 

Damian grunted rolling his shoulder to help ease the pain only making it worse when he grunted, “It’s nothing I got hit with a blast today sliced the skin above my shoulder,” he pulls away the towel exposing his hidden bloody ruptured combat injury, clearly needing healing. 

He saw Raven’s angelic eyes widen quickly putting the towel back on his shoulder holding pressure on the wound, “Come on let’s go to the infirmary so i can heal you.” Pulling his hand on top of hers when adding pressure to his wound, he nodded. Raven opened a portal, walking side by side, vanishing leaving Donna alone in the kitchen feeling like an utter third wheel in that moment. 

They sat down on the little nurse bed that stood in the middle of the room. Raven pulled herself close to him causing his knee to gently knock against hers as her body became close enough within reach to heal him . His body towered over, was he always this much bigger than her? Heat started to rise up her body flushing her cheeks with a small blush seeing his muscular arms close the sides of her hips. He looked down at her, seeing her long lashes flutter as she blinked. Oh how he wants her to look up at him to admire every perfection on her face. She turned her body fully towards him; it took everything in his power to not lean forward and just bring her so much closer to him. Her hands crept over his wound; he felt the fondness of her magic overrun his skin. Feeling it takeover the wound unleashing small sharp stings that he loved to feel. He closed his eyes, how he loved the insignificant bitterness causing a sense of pleasure run through his veins, he enjoyed it even more knowing this came from Raven. He let out a soft valuable breath from his lips as he felt the sensation disappear, damn. 

He clears his throat wanting to break the silence after his little incapable moment, “Thank you seems like you're doing that a lot to me lately.” he chuckles considering since he’s the only one who doesn’t have rapid healing abilities in the team. He rolls his shoulder again not feeling the sharp pain he once had. “Once you get healing abilities you’ll be my new sorcerer.” She gives him a soft smile. He lets out a laugh at her shaking his head playfully. She loved his smile. It was rare to see it genuine in front of the teammates, it might've been selfish but she loved that he shared this side of himself with just her. 

They sat still on the bed not moving, it wasn't awkward it was actually kind of peaceful. They both knew they didn't need words to enjoy each other's company. “This mission is going to be a pain don’t you think. It's already got Donna riled up.” Damian groans 

“Yea, males feasting on women. Gross.” 

“Especially females roofing people’s drinks.” They both look at each other snorting knowing they are referring to their own parents from their horrific ways. 

Raven sighed in defeat shaking her head “We’re going to hate this mission so much.”

“Yea we are.” their eyes met each other. The room fell silent and you could almost feel their heartbeat pacing at the same time within each other. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding as she admired his vibrant emerald eyes. She hated the effect he had on her not even realizing it himself. Their fingertips were practically brushing against each other, all he wanted was to keep her close, so fucking close. It pained him how innocent she appeared, how she could do the littlest touches, the littlest words she could say can concede him to make him do anything for her, and he will. Without breaking contact she felt his hand lift from the bed and slowly move towards her collarbone. Shivers were sent down her spine when she felt his finger tips delicately land on her necklace.

 “He doesn’t give you nightmares anymore?” his voice barely a whisper yet loud enough to break the silence in the room. She gulps hoping her didn't hear her seeing how flustered she already was, “N-no, he hasn't since Constantie ya know,” 

He nodded in response, his hand still on her now looking down at her chest, “I remember,” his voice and face expression changed stern looking down at her chest, “when I would feel your energy from the mind link. When I felt the negative emotions stirring at night all because of your father. Those violent destructive dreams yet all i was able to offer was staying with you the nights of your nightmares.”

Raven was terrified that he could feel her heart beating beating out of her chest. Why was he to bring this up now? It's been 2 months since those nights. She'd be lying if she said she didn't think about them but she did if anything she missed them so much. Those nights where he would come into her room cautiously questioning what was wrong, shaking her to wake her up only to be woken up by him hugging her. He stayed with her, made her feel safe. They were valuable memories she cared for. Even though all she ever wanted was for those nightmares to be gone she didn't realize those moments would have to become memories. Another selfish thing she had yet to add, missing him comforting her. He thinks he didn't do enough for her? He did more than enough he stayed with her, that was more than she could ask for. 

Raven carefully thought of her words, placing her hand on top of his that still layed on her collarbone, “Damian I’m more than grateful you stayed with me during those times. You offering to continue to be by my side is more than enough for me especially during those times. I’m happy you were there.” she genuinely smiled at him giving him a sense of comfort. 

Her smile. The most treasured thing he could ever lay sight on. The one thing from the very start that made him change perspective on his new lifestyle when he first came to the team. He felt like his heart just got pinched and stopped with her words, he felt a blush crept up but tried to keep it under control. He just wanted to bring his lips towards her, to let her know how much she means to him. His other hand lifting from the bed slowly crossing over him wanting to reach her soft cheek, he wanted her no, needed her. 

“TITANS! I have news on your new mission to come to the conference room to discuss please and thank you.” 

Damian’s and Raven’s bodies jumped in shock snapping their heads towards the announcing speakers to what they just heard their leader's voice come out of. Raven stands up first walking towards the exit, Damian already in the miss of her touch, “We should probably go.” 

“Right.” he follows her out the door. 

He could’ve had her right then and there. He would have made her his. Then again he was just a boy who has no idea of the concept of sentiment or romance if anything. He wanted her so bad it pained him not being able to hold her. Then again she wasn’t his, possibly never will be. 

Just teammate Just Teammates 

[violethowler]

The Things That Matter

I’ve talked a lot over the last two months or so about the many different ways that the characters, story, and themes of the Kingdom Hearts series align with the framework of the Heroine’s Journey. For the final chapter in this series of essays, I’d like to talk about what it means for this series to follow this narrative formula. Because the fact that Kingdom Hearts fits into this storytelling pattern is critically important now more than ever. 

The three most recent series I know of that aligned with the Heroine’s Journey framework all ended up missing the landing in various ways. Two of the three - Voltron: Legendary Defender and the Star Wars sequel trilogy - abandoned the formula in their final installments, while the third one - the Frozen movies - managed to fit into the formula almost completely, but suffered in the second movie from a lack of clarity as to which of the two leads is the main protagonist and which is the Animus. Two of these were under the Disney umbrella, and all three have had evidence found that executive meddling or other behind-the-scenes conflicts over story direction played a role in how the final installments ended. 

As I mentioned in my essay “Into the Unknown,” when a story deviates from the structure it appears to be following, it produces a visceral sense of wrongness in the audience. In stories which up toward the end aligned with the Heroine’s Journey, that effect is amplified. The framework of the Heroine’s Journey was designed to uplift the experiences of identities outside of what society considers the default option in storytelling. The lived experiences of those identities are mirrored in the narrative’s themes. So when a story set up around calling out prejudices and double standards about those identities that are ingrained into the audience’s culture deviates from that formula, the result inevitably ends up reinforcing those biases instead, on top of the brokenness of the narrative in general.  

In terms of how this applies to Kingdom Hearts, Sora and Riku’s individual character arcs have been noted by many LGBTQ+ fans to have notable parallels with elements of their own lived experiences:

Riku’s arc of learning to accept his darkness as something natural that’s a part of him and which he can express in a positive way mirrors how many LGBTQ+ people grow up with the idea that same-sex attraction is “sinful” and “unnatural” and have to unlearn that mindset in order to realize that there’s nothing wrong with them. Likewise, Mickey’s line in Re:COM about how spending time with Riku has positively changed his opinion about Darkness can be read as an analogy for straight people who are initially unsure of or hostile to LGBTQ+ identities changing their minds with education and first-hand interaction to become staunch allies. Esmeralda’s talk with Riku about how “There are just some things we need to keep separate from the world at large, at least until we have time to figure them out”[1], while on one level is referencing Riku’s Darkness and his inner turmoil relating to Ansem, can also describe the common LGBTQ+ experience of being in the closet and hiding that part of yourself from the people around you[2]. 

As for Sora, in Kingdom Hearts III he responds to Davy Jones’ comments in The Caribbean about the romantic relationship between Will and Elizabeth by saying that “I still have a lot to learn about love[3],” indicating he lacks understanding of his own feelings in the area of romance. This is supported by the official Kingdom Hearts Character Files book published by Square in February 2020. Short stories in this book featuring Sora’s POV depict him as actively confused about what romantic love is[4], and struggling to define the nature of his relationship with Riku[5][6]. This can be a common experience for LGBTQ+ youth growing up surrounded by media that only ever depicts romantic relationships as one boy, one girl. Many people who grew up like this—myself included—have had similar experiences of struggling to understand our own feelings about someone of the same gender because for our entire lives up to that point we had little or no exposure to the idea that being romantically interested in someone of the same gender as you was an option. 

Sora and Riku are each written in ways that speak to common LGBTQ+ experiences, and the fact that so many things—the canon parallels to Disney romances, the match with how love interests are portrayed in the Heroine’s Journey, the fact that one of the series’ Lead Event Planners Michio Matsuura was described by the Co-Director Tai Yasue to be “head over heels for the bond between Riku and Sora’s hearts[7]”, in connection with his enjoyment of “pure love dramas[7]”—are all pointing to the conclusion that these similarities did not happen by accident, but by design. 

It makes so much sense for Heroine’s Journey narratives to be used to tell LGBTQ+ stories because there are so many ways that homophobia and transphobia overlap with and are rooted in the very same gender and cultural norms that the framework challenges. Many countries have come a long way towards public acceptance of LGBTQ+ identities, but in terms of the stories that we tell, mainstream fiction is still skewed in favor of stories with protagonists who are straight and cisgender. Storylines with straight romance are treated as a society-wide default, while creators in countries like the U.S. who want to include even the smallest background references to LGBTQ+ relationships have had to fight and push back against corporate pressure to remove them. 

This is especially true for media aimed at children and teenagers, as the fact that being openly LGBTQ+ is still widely considered problematic in many countries is frequently used by entertainment executives in ostensibly more progressive countries as an excuse for censoring LGBTQ+ storylines and characters. Multiple creators working on animated shows for Disney and/or its competitors have spoken out in recent weeks about the resistance they faced to including LGBTQ+ relationships[8][9][10] and how they were told that openly acknowledging characters as non-straight was too controversial or “inappropriate for the channel"[9].

As a consequence of this environment, creators wishing to depict non-heterosexual relationships have had to resort to creative methods of getting the implications past the censors in a way that LGBTQ+ audiences would recognize while still maintaining plausible deniability so that the executives could make money off the story in anti-LGBTQ+ markets. The downside to this is that because these efforts are more subtle, most straight audiences will either not notice the implications, or else dismiss them as an accident. Some will go as far as coming up with alternate explanations to justify why any potential LGBTQ+ subtext about a character or relationship could not possibly have been put there by the creator intentionally. 

This extends not only to audiences, but also to people who interact with these stories in a professional capacity, such as translating and marketing a story’s international release. Animated shows that feature same-gender relationships have had international dubs change the gender of one character in the pairing to make it straight, for instance. Or there's the infamous example of how the English dub for Sailor Moon in the 1990s changed two girls from lovers to cousins in order to provide an explanation for their closeness that didn't involve acknowledging that the characters were not straight. In terms of the Kingdom Hearts series, the English localization has routinely downplayed LGBTQ+ subtext in the series while in some cases adding romantic undertones to interactions between a male and female character that did not exist in the original Japanese script. Kingdom Hearts III was one of the most egregious examples of this:

Hercules’ recollection of how he dove into the River Styx to save Megara’s soul in KH2 is thematically connected to Riku sacrificing himself for Sora at the Keyblade Graveyard through the phrase taisetsu na hito (literal meaning: “precious person”) when Hercules is talking to Sora in Olympus and when Mickey is talking to Riku in the Realm of Darkness at the beginning of the game. The English version translates this as “person I love most” for Hercules, while changing it to “what matters” for Riku and Mickey to call back to his meeting with Terra in Birth by Sleep, which the scene includes a flashback to. While Mickey and Riku’s original meaning can still be deduced from the conversation around it, especially with Mickey saying "sometimes you care about someone so much," changing the line for the sake of a callback downplays the evolution of Riku’s goals from protecting “things that matter” to protecting “the *person* who matters”. 

Donald and Goofy’s teasing Sora in the scene at Galaxy Toys where Sora comments on how much he or Riku resemble Yozora is framed in the English version as “Riku would be a great action figure because he’s cool, unlike Sora.” However the original Japanese indicates that the teasing is centered around the fact that Sora said a character who looks like Riku was good-looking.

When Kairi offers Sora a paopu fruit, she says in the original Japanese that it’s simply a good luck charm so that they don’t get separated, while in the English localization, she says “I want to be a part of your life no matter what, that’s all.” While “that’s all” still fits with how the parallels to Winnie the Pooh indicate her connection with Sora has weakened and she wants to maintain it, the first part of the English line calls back to the legend of the fruit introduced in KH1, which was openly referred to as romantic by Selphie in the original and localized versions of the first game. As a result, this adds romantic implications that contrast with Sora’s unreceptive body language and facial expressions[11] as he reacts to the initial offering of the paopu fruit. 

In the original Japanese, Riku’s words to Sora before his sacrifice at the Keyblade Graveyard translate to “I believe in you. You won’t give up.” The English localization changed it to “You don’t believe that. I know you don’t.” Not only does it remove a callback to the original game, but this phrasing dowplays Riku’s faith in Sora and ignores Sora’s very clear feelings of inadequacy. 

During the scene where Sora and Kairi are floating through the dark tunnel toward the Keyblade Graveyard, Sora’s line in English, “I feel strong with you,” was originally an acknowledgement of Kairi’s strength that called back to how he wouldn’t let her come along on the return trip to Hollow Bastion in the first game because he thought she’d “kind of be in [his] way”[12]. Removing this callback takes the focus away from Kairi’s growth and brushes aside one of the ways the game shows that Sora’s view of her has changed over the course of the series.

Some fans defend changes such as these insisting that the development team had to have approved of them. However Testuya Nomura himself feels strongly enough about the subject: he stated in a 2018 interview several months before KH3's release that “an incorrect or defective translation risks compromising the comprehension of the whole story,” referring especially to the Kingdom Hearts series[13], and the English localization of Re:Mind—which was much more accurately translated than the base game—directly references the original meaning of Kairi’s words during the paopu scene in one of the DLC’s Kingstagram posts. This all indicates that changes such as these that remove important connections or change the meaning of the conversation are ones that the development team very much do not approve of. 

LGBTQ+ fans of Kingdom Hearts who recognize their own experiences reflected in Sora's and Riku’s journeys know that Disney has not had a good track record when it comes to depicting LGBTQ+ characters in properties they are affiliated with. The most we ever get in their movies are background moments or nameless characters that are only there in one scene that easily can be cut out for distribution in countries with heavy anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. And that’s if the character’s orientation is even mentioned out loud in the film at all instead of simply being confirmed by interviews before or after release but never acknowledged on-screen. Television has fared better, but until recent years we never had any main characters who were confirmed in-show to be anything but straight. But things are slowly starting to improve. Within the last few years shows like "Andi Mack" and "The Owl House" have depicted major characters as openly interested in others of the same gender[14], and Pixar recently released a short as part of their Sparknotes program called “Out”, which openly centers on a man worrying about telling his parents he’s gay. 

This is why it is so important that the Heroine’s Journey of Kingdom Hearts follow through to a structurally appropriate conclusion, with the development team being given the freedom to tell their story in full without restriction or censorship. Deviating from the formula this late in the series would represent a continuation of the recent trend of Heroine’s Journey narratives being structurally broken by inference from forces other than the main creative team. But if the Kingdom Hearts story is able to complete it’s Heroine’s Journey without executives or localization teams getting in the way of the intended story, then the LGBTQ+ themes already present in Sora and Riku’s journey will break so many barriers,challenge people’s expectations of what is possible, and convey powerful messages of self-discovery and acceptance—just like the framework was designed to. 

Sources

[1] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance; Square Enix; 2012. 

[2] Tumblr post by @blowingoffsteam2; December 3, 2019. https://blowingoffsteam2.tumblr.com/post/189461796759/blowingoffsteam2-dont-mind-me-over-here-just

[3] Kingdom Hearts III; Square Enix; 2019. 

[4] Translation of KH Character Files Beast’s Castle story by @lilyginnyblackv2; February 3, 2020. https://lilyginnyblackv2.tumblr.com/post/611420864489062401/character-files-beasts-castle-story-english

[5] Translation of KH Character Files Arendelle story by @lilyginnyblackv2; March 3, 2020. https://lilyginnyblackv2.tumblr.com/post/611490139845345280/character-files-arendelle-story-english

[6] Translation of KH Character Files Arendelle story by @notaseednotyet; March 1, 2020. https://twitter.com/notaseednotyet/status/1233993459670765569

[7] “Message from the KINGDOM” Updates!; April 11, 2012. https://www.khinsider.com/news/-Message-from-the-KINGDOM-Updates-2427

[8] “”Steven Universe” and “She-Ra” creators on Representation”; Paper Magazine; August 5, 2020. https://www.papermag.com/rebecca-sugar-noelle-stevenson-2646446747.html

[9] Twitter thread by Gravity Falls creator Alex Hirsch; August 9, 2020. https://twitter.com/_AlexHirsch/status/1292328558921003009

[10] Twitter thread by Owl House creator Dana Terrace; August 9, 2020. https://twitter.com/DanaTerrace/status/1292321440029478917 

[11] Frame by frame analysis of Sora and Kairi’s body language during the KH3 paopu scene by @notaseednotyet; September 14, 2019.  https://twitter.com/notaseednotyet/status/1172774158167506944

[12] Kingdom Hearts; Square Enix; 2002. 

[13] “Nomura stresses the importance of direct translations on story comprehension, and talks about world development as well as the Gummi Ship;” August 27, 2018. https://www.kh13.com/news/nomura-stresses-the-importance-of-direct-translations-on-story-comprehension-and-talks-about-world-development-as-well-as-the-gummi-ship/ [14] Disney’s The Owl House Now Has a Confirmed Bisexual Character; August 9, 2020. https://io9.gizmodo.com/disneys-animated-series-the-owl-house-now-has-a-confirm-1844665583

[these-are-the-first-steps]

Hey, come read my shit:

STAR WARS (it’s all reylo)

PREY - “Kylo Ren, recovering, retrained, and bolstered by the Dark Side thanks to Snoke, is still obsessed with his failures and the scavenger that got away. Carving a furious path through the First Order fleet and throwing everything to hell, he hones in almost desperately on her location as she runs from his whispers until there is nothing left but them.” Featuring such stellar tags as “she’s running but he’s coming for her and lets her know it”

Exigence in Force Majuere - “This war has raged for ages and most of the leaders at its helm are long gone. It's left to Kylo Ren, and Rey, his constant opposing force, whose minds have seeped so far into each other as to make planning in secret impossible, to come to some accord or else watch the galaxy burn in their futile efforts at mutual destruction.”*

*This is/was a non-linear story added to via submitted prompts on tumblr and written to a loose storyline already in my head.

Neon Lights - [ONESHOT] Kylo Ren is the highest paid movie star in the world. He's also the number one drug user, number one patron of any whore pretty enough to catch his attention. But her voice never leaves his head. It won't leave him alone. And all he can do is replay their parting over and over and over again.... [[This story has TWO ENDINGS- happy and sad! Because I couldn't make up my mind and the angst was so good. But y'all-- the sad ending is SAD. Read the TAGS. And a reminder that drama is drama and not real life.]]

Solace for the Damned - “Christmas Eve, and a lone priest of a tiny, isolated parish works feverishly in the snow until an old friend drops by. She misses him- what will it take to lure him away? When will he stop hiding behind the cloth?”*

*a story I was real excited for just as a lot of personal drama started for me which botched everything. Sorry ‘bout that.

How Silent Are Your Saints? - [ONESHOT] “Rey's run off, and Kylo's in hot pursuit. When he finally finds her, she's stark naked planted in a tiny metal tub trying to scrub herself clean of the grit of the planet she hates so much. So why did she come back?? Why won't she just come home with him??

Very angry, rough smutty times. Rey is angry, Kylo's angry, and she makes it worse every time that pretty mouth says the 'B' name he hates so much...

This story was inspired by a piece of art done by Hotside on tumblr depicting Rey essentially sponge-bathing in a small, shallow tin back on Jakku with the shadow of Kylo Ren looming out of frame. Link inside!!”

There’s Only So Many Things You Can Steal From A Courtesan - [ONESHOT] ...and bitchin’ moves to catch the ladies ain’t one of them. Long overdue Matt trash, but it’s darker and not your typical fare- for cheesytriangle/picarito on tumblr.

A Lady Should Never Promenade A Ballroom Alone - [ONESHOT] “Rey is undercover at a ball. So is Kylo Ren. Who thought putting Rey in that dress was a good idea? Borderline drama, fluff, crack without actually totally falling into any of those categories, with a generous helping of SMUT. NOT an AU. Written for a "oh hey, what are you doing here?" prompt request.” *

*hilariously this is the most popular oneshot I’ve ever written.

Too Late - [ONESHOT] “He has to watch as she leaves, watch as she goes into the arms of someone else. But it began before he ever arrived. He's simply too late.” —hi. This is not a happy story. But it’s short.

Can’t Keep Them Down - “I made a post last week saying I'd only reply to ants with explicit porn or cute fluffy animals. While I think the fandom may have taken more advantage of that than actual ants, it's still been a lot of fun. This is a collection of the short drabbles I wrote up- chapters will be added as they happen on tumblr (and maybe I’ll occasionally post something here that I don’t post there so subscribing might be a good idea- who knows!). There is no sequence unless specified. Every single chapter is rather explicit porn. ENJOY, SINNERS.”

Let It In - [ONESHOT] Kylo's control over himself is wearing thin- not like it was gridiron to begin with. He lapses more and more into daydreams, fantasies, of her. Of them. He sees her everywhere. He hates himself for it. But the more they consume him, the more he can't help but indulge, and as he abandons his duties once more to sequester himself in an effort to not rip The Finalizer into two, he finds, to his anguish, that maybe his traitorous thoughts aren't just his alone... [[Art inspired, ILLUSTRATED fic attached to a work produced by Arriku/Spacefugue/solarfugue/cherryfury on tumblr]]”*

*I lose points for this fic because I was told later that they were sitting down in the art so I got it wrong. Sorry, arriku- I still feel bad. :/

The Choice - [ONESHOT] “At the end of the world, he made his offer. The planet cracked like an egg beneath their feet, ready to give birth to a brand new star, and still he couldn't bring himself to say it- couldn't bring himself to say he needed her. Instead it came out as "You need a teacher!!" Anything- *anything*- to keep her close to him. But would she understand? Choices, choices...”

Control - “They pound at her head, the Darkness, her demons, she lashes out, but no one can understand. They can't see what she sees, feel what she feels, they're closing in, and she can't escape, but when she finally flees to the outside..... [[This is a *former* one-shot based on a song that I swear will be Rey's theme for episode 8. PREPARE FOR THE ANGST INSANITY TRAIN!!]]”*

*officially unfinished. Ah well. Dunno if anyone really missws it anyway....

All Good Things - [ONESHOT] “Trapped in a cave after a First Order attack causes a massive collapse, Rey is left with a mangled leg with no rescue for days. Just as she starts to fret that no one will ever come, a familiar voice brushes against her mind and offers her aid. But at what price? As her injuries worsen, she may not have much of a choice.” —hi. This is the most lighthearted reylo fic I’ve probably ever written.

——————

FARSCAPE

Everything - [ONESHOT] “Moments after the skreeth attack in 'Terra Firma', in the dizzying whirl of sirens and emergency workers and special agents rushing into the ruin of his father's home, John is brought bad news from D'Argo and Chiana and, faced with the reality that his best friend since childhood is dead, finally must tell his family everything.”

——————

XENA

Mandatory Refusal - [ONESHOT] “Countless times he'd watched her calmly walk into the arms of Death. And countless times he'd watched her thwart it all the same. She always came back- she always found a way. Even when she chose to take her own life, he'd respected her, respected her decision enough, to let her go through with it. But not this time- not after everything they'd been through since then. She wasn't getting a choice this time.

Takes place during Xena's final battle in AFIN:2. Ares wasn't so conspicuously absent as he seemed...”

You Can’t Run Away - [ONESHOT] “What happened after Xena left Hercules in "Unchained Heart"? What led her to bury her armor in the dirt? As soon as she turned for good, Ares hounded both Xena and Hercules by raising Darphus from the dead and filling the killer's mind with no thought other than to feed them both to Graegus- no one gets to simply walk away. Set in the space between UH and Sins of the Past.”

——————

METALOCALYPSE

....yea I wrote a metalocalypse fic, you wanna fight about it? comedy is hard and it was a fun challenge, especially that flavor of comedy.

Succession - [ONESHOT] “Story takes place at the tail end of 'The Doomstar Requiem'. Charles takes his place as the High Holy Priest of the Church of the Black Klok and the band is left without a manager. In an attempt to find a new one, they hold 'manager auditions', but old grudges interfere and one of the band members takes a turn for the worse. cannon ONE SHOT!”

[revengerevisited]

Maddie rambles about Kingdom Hearts: Dark Road

Let’s just get this outta the way: Xehanort is my least favorite character in Kingdom Hearts. Now there are certainly more boring and underdeveloped characters but as far as evil deeds go, it doesn’t matter how ‘cute’ or ‘relatable’ Nomura tries to make Xehanort. I will never forget that he tore Ven’s heart in half, tortured Vanitas for four years, killed his own best friend, possessed Terra’s body for a decade, possessed Riku’s body as Ansem, unleashed Heartless on the worlds resulting in countless deaths, manipulated Organization XIII for years, and experimented on Kairi as a child and eventually murdered her in front of her best friends. Any attempt to make me sympathize with him just ain’t gonna work.

Also, I’m not taking any of these ‘Character X is secretly Character Y’ theories too seriously until they actually happen. Yes, it can be fun to speculate that Bragi or Odin is secretly Luxu or the Master of Masters, or that Brain is Eraqus’s ancestor, or that Demyx is the MoM, or that Ava or Vor is Kairi’s grandma, or whatever other theories are out there. But until there’s conclusive evidence that’s all they are, speculations and theories.

On that note, I don’t know why Xehanort is having dreams about the KHUX Player’s adventures but I don’t think it’s because Xehanort is the Player’s Nobody or a reincarnation of the Player. Reincarnation has never been a concept present in the KH series, and honestly it just sounds like bad fanfiction. Plus, if Xehanort does turn out to be the Player, then I feel bad for everyone who spent a lot of time creating their own unique character only to have it be replaced by the generic default Player in KHDR’s opening cutscene and then re-replaced by Xehanort of all people. Perhaps Xehanort simply has a unique, unexplained power to see into the past like Namine’s memory manipulation or Terra’s precognition.

Either way, this past-sight just makes it harder and harder for me to believe that Xehanort wanted to learn about the Keyblade War in BBS, since it seems he already knew all he needs to know. Xemnas knows that Luxord, Marluxia, Demyx, and Larxene are from the past, young Xehanort lives in Scala ad Caelum which was built over the ruins of Daybreak Town complete with a huge machine explaining Daybreak Town’s demise, Eraqus talks about the Book of Prophecies like it’s common knowledge, the list goes on. Also, I don’t like the implication that Xehanort chose Ventus as his vessel and later as material for the X-Blade only because he knows him from the Player’s dreams. Then again, if his dreams of the Keyblade War end before the Player meets Ven and Lauriam, then Xehanort wouldn’t know about them and would instead be more familiar with Skuld and Ephemer.

I will say that one thing I do like is Xehanort comparing himself to a starfish laying on the beach, both for the humorous imagery and also just a bit of that islander backstory flavor. Xehanort being the outsider of his friends group and not telling the whole truth of how he ended up in Scala is also an interesting Kairi parallel, although him being found unconscious in the middle of a city is kinda overused. I do like that the surrounding cities around Scala are all uninhabited, since trying to wrap my mind around these huge mountain-sized cities with potentially millions of people in them was a little too much for my brain to handle.

I do however find it quite bizarre that it’s taken some worlds so long to recover from the Keyblade War. Not only that, but apparently people just appear out of thin air once their world is restored. Like, how? It just feels weird and uncomfortable, almost like these people only exist for the protagonist and audience’s amusement rather than being independent living beings in their own right. I dunno, there’s just something deeply unsettling about those implications. It also makes me wonder how long ago the Keyblade War was, if places like Agrabah still aren’t finished only 75-ish years before KH1. The characters refer to it as a legend, so it must’ve happened a long time ago, right? Some fans think it’s only been 100 years since the Keyblade War, but that would be like the equivalent of calling World War 1 a legend.

The worlds all being on different timescales is also extremely headache-inducing, both as analyst and a fanfic writer trying to keep track of the plot. Couple that with time travel and the whole thing just falls apart. Of course, if each world runs at a different time, then perhaps this is why Xehanort looks so much older than Eraqus, or rather why Eraqus looks so relatively young when he’s supposed to be 80-ish years old. And if that’s the case, then do any of the characters’ ages really matter? I’ve already proven that their ages have been retconned before. Also, this renders timecodes such as ‘75 years later’ and ‘one year later’ from Re:Mind and other parts of the series completely meaningless. The timeline is broken.

Anyway, I’m not sure how much Norse Mythology will play into the story, but all the new characters have Norse names with two that stand out the most. The first is Master Odin, named after a Norse god who sacrificed one of his own eyes for knowledge, which is an interesting parallel to the MoM. The second is Baldr, the as of yet unseen seventh student who has a missing sister, because evidently Nomura likes recycling his previous plots before they’ve even finished. In Norse Mythology, Baldr is the god of light whose death kickstarts the events of Ragnarok. How this’ll be relevant in KHDR remains to be seen, but after seeing those four gravestones in the timeskip/flashforward, I can’t imagine this ending well for anyone not named Eraqus or Xehanort. 

Now, as funny as I find it that the new characters have all been killed off this quickly, I’m not entirely convinced that those are Urd, Hermod, Bragi, and Vor’s graves. They could actually be the graves of the missing upperclassmen, if some of them turn up dead. Speaking of the upperclassmen, I would hope that Yen Sid is one of them, but I have a feeling he won’t be allowed to show up simply because of Disney’s stranglehold on its own IP. It’s pretty sad and ironic seeing as this series used to be all about Disney, but I assume that’s why Nomura is straying further and further from the brand.

About the four new student characters, I don’t have any particular attachment to any of them, beyond Vor’s name being hilariously unfortunate. I find it a bit eye-rolling that fans continuously snub Kairi but will instantly latch onto any new characters like Yozora and these four despite barely knowing anything about them. It doesn’t help that, and please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that any of the four who you choose to be in your trio will have the exact same dialogue in cutscenes no matter who you pick, meaning that these new characters don’t even get much of a chance to develop their own personalities because all of their dialogue has to be generic and bland enough to fit all four of them.

Young Eraqus is probably the best character so far, simply because he’s the only one with any personality. Granted his supposed cowardice has yet to be seen, but it’s mentioned so often that I assume it’s gonna be an important plot point later. However, I’m finding it hard to relate young Eraqus with his adult counterpart seeing as their personalities are just so different. I’m aware there’s a 65-ish year gap between this Eraqus and older Eraqus, but there better be some major character development to explain this, especially since even standing in front of his presumed classmate’s graves he still seems fairly chipper.

On that note, as humorous as ‘Tardy Fleetfoot’ is, just like with Xehanort, don’t think I’ve forgotten that this guy caused Terra’s insecurity and self-doubt with his overzealous anti-darkness stance, probably heavily influenced Aqua’s black-and-white anti-darkness keyblade-first-ask-questions-later thinking, was also probably the one who told her to lie to Ventus about always living with them, and attempted to straight up kill Ven and Terra. Eraqus’s actions aren’t as bad as Xehanort’s, but they certainly aren’t acceptable in any capacity.

Something odd I noticed is that Eraqus knows what the Heartless are called, and even the difference between Pureblood and Emblem Heartless-- well, part of the difference; I’m assuming he doesn’t know that future Xehanort created them. But anyway, my point is that Aqua doesn’t know what the Heartless are called until Mickey tells her in BBS 0.2. Before that she simply calls them ‘dwellers of darkness’, and even mistakes one for an Unversed. Does this mean Eraqus never taught his students about the Heartless? Why? Perhaps after his classmates died, he decided to shelter his own students from the worlds, hence why their Mark of Mastery was so simple? I’m just guessing at this point. Of course, there’s still no real explanation as for why the Emblem Heartless are here in the past. My best theory is that someone used the Book of Prophecies to summon them... somehow. It really just seems like an excuse to gloss over the corner Nomura wrote himself into with the whole ‘Emblem Heartless were made by Ansem’ thing, but we’ll see.

Honestly this whole series is just one big endless death-spiral of constant retcons and nonsensical plot twists and at this point I’m just exhausted. My view on KH has become one of mild and morbid curiosity, rather than expecting anything truly great. Is that cynical? Yes, but I’ve watched other once-great series (Star Wars, Voltron) worsen over time to the point that they just fizzle out and die, and I’m afraid it’s the same deal with Kingdom Hearts. I don’t think I’ve truly enjoyed a KH game since BBS, and if the series just continues down the path of introducing bland new characters every time Nomura gets bored rather than developing the already established ones, I don’t know how long I can stay interested. The Dark Seeker Saga is over and he really needs to let Xehanort go.

To end this on a positive note, I am tentatively hopeful about Melody of Memory. The gameplay looks cute and fun and the story looks like it will have more development for Kairi and her backstory, which is something I’ve been wanting for a while now. Focusing on the original cast is definitely a step in the right direction, and I hope this series can keep moving forwards rather than backwards.

[pixel-cat-1]

I just finished The Outer Worlds

I don’t really ever use this blog for more than reblogging stuff, so this is probably coming out of left field for anyone who follows me, but as you see in the title, I beat The Outer Worlds not a couple of minutes ago. I have some thoughts I’d like to talk about while their fresh, and this is as good a place as any to do that lol

So, what did I think of it? Overall, I think The Outer Worlds is okay game that ultimately fails to meet up in many regards to not only Obsidian’s golden child, Fallout New Vegas, but in some departments even regular ass Bethesda games from years ago. And that’s honestly such a shame, because TOW had so much goddamn potential and yet I finished it and felt practically nothing for the entire last level and final ending sequence.

The main issue I think is that ultimately speaking, TOW doesn’t necessarily do anything different from any other RPG I can think of, and it doesn’t do anything like that super well. 

For example, the combat’s good on a technical level. The controls and mechanics are fun to use (especially the dodge system), but the enemies tend to either range from “complete curb stomp bitch babies” to “bullet sponge that’ll kill me so fast I won’t even know what happened.” Most fights weren’t particularly engaging, and I was basically handicapping myself but not using the companion abilities for about 75% of the game (I don’t know why I never tried pressing the d-pad buttons, but yet again, when I can just shoot shit and huff an inhaler, I didn’t need to think too hard). The disparity of how difficult the game can be is often confusing, and I was more often limited because of my ammo count more so than my ability to play the game.

The RP aspects can be good at times. There are plenty of skill checks that reward you for being a smart little egg, and a part of RPG’s I like is being able to avoid combat and make people happy, and generally make myself useful, so that was fairly fun. Overall the dialogue options and the performances by most VA’s left me not feeling like I was being hindered in acting and responding to situations how I’d like, so at the very least, that didn’t let me down.

The music was overall enjoyable, although very forgettable, and sometimes a bit all over the place: there’s Western-y guitar ambient tracks, also some more techno-y ones? Elevator music that sounds like they got it from a royalty free website. This kinda wish-washyness ties into multiple issues I had with the game I’ll get into further on.

The graphics are good, which isn’t necessarily shocking anymore because every game looks good. There are some aesthetic choices I liked, that being things like the Art Deco style architecture and advertisements from the loading screens. Terra 2 is gorgeous as all hell, with the skybox being particularly amazing (I’ve often fantasized about Earth having rings, so this partially fulfills that fantasy). Monarch is overall also very well done, with making it look and feel like a hostile shithole with ravenous wildlife. The looming gas giant overheard also does a good job of making me feel dread, which is about as much of that feeling I ever got. However, the game never really maintains a distinct “style”, rather it collages a bunch of them at once. Because for all the aesthetic of the Art Deco style that they do for cities like Byzantium. there’s like 10 levels/areas that are just generic as all hell “sci-fi space shit” that you’ve seen before. And then there’s Scylla, which is so fucking boring in design I don’t know why it’s even in the game.

This creates an issue where it’s like they wanted to make the game look Bioshock, but some people wanted something out of Mass Effect. But some people played Borderlands, and wanted to go for the wacky space bandit and hostile environment feel. But they also wanted to stick it to Bethesda, so they made is vaguely look like a Fallout game as well. It’s hard to describe in text, so I’m just gonna post these and show it best I can

^ It looks like space Bioshock here

^ And here it reminds me more of Borderlands than anything else (it’s a lot easier to see if you look at it from the ground, rip)

Scylla is literally just a rock. As far as I can tell, you could probably fucking avoid the damn thing if you avoid side quests. There’s fucking nothing there. Just enemies, a few side quest things, an empty town and a giant terraformer thingy that’s interesting to look at for like 4 seconds. And despite what you’d think, no, there is no low gravity. That would’ve at least made this place have some interesting gimmick or mechanic, but no. It’s just a fucking dumping ground for side quests. God. Fucking. Damnit.

All science-y buildings just look like this for the most part across all levels. It’s not bad, just very generic and same-y.

The Groundbreaker’s fairly interesting, until you realize that all it is is essentially a giant corridor front to back. Actually, scratch that, it’s two corridors! One of which is this Back Bays area overrun with criminals. How do you get to this clearly dangerous and isolated part of the ship? Well a fucking elevator smack dab in the middle of the pavilion of course! So anyone can just go up or down into this apparent no man’s land part of the ship by literally going into it via an elevator. Dear god.

^Monarch definitely has one of the best looking environments in the game, tied with Terra 2 down below

But what absolutely fucks the game overall is despite how much effort they put into making everything look nice (regardless if you actually like it or not), the overall level design in terms of function and whatnot? Mind numbingly boring.

All levels are really small maps with (at most) a handful of major buildings or towns depending on the scale, and the rest is just a bunch of abandoned buildings with some enemies, or a crashed ship or something. There's just...nothing going on with half of these dungeons.

Also the vast majority of buildings have a “Quarantine” sign out front or is locked in some capacity, which means you could have 4-5 buildings in a random batch of them along a road, but only 2 you can explore. And since all the fucking interiors across multiple planets look the exact same, it leads to an incredible feeling of sameiness in a game that has you running around an entire solar system. How the fuck even??? I’d argue fucking Fallout 3 handled this better. At least there was more to do! More overall dungeons and levels! Did I miss something? Am I just fucking stupid and I missed the all the good shit?

Combine this with the wish-washy aesthetics and music, it leads to an incredible feeling of not really knowing what to make of things. You’ll just be sprinting around, shooting all the red things on the compass just to get it over with by Monarch. And when you realize that LMG’s are just...the best weapons in the game as far as I could tell, and there’s no real downsize to them, you’ll just fucking run around gunning everything down while some forgettable track plays in the background until some enemy with a weirdly large health bar forces you to think for a bit before you get back to running around and shooting shit again. 

Despite this though? I still overall enjoyed the combat. I liked running around and becoming the 4th Horseman. Plus with the mechanics overall being fun to use, it wasn’t really that bad. But I can’t say on an objective level I think it’s good for a game to feel like that. Because despite how heavy handed I’m being right now (and will be throughout the rest of this impromptu review), I don’t hate this game. 

Sound design is overall very good. Guns make satisfying shooty shooty bang bang noises, and as I said before, the VA’s are overall very good all around. Parvati stands out as the most interesting character to listen to in general. She has a lot of informal speech patterns that makes her distinct, and is generally a treat to listen talk. At worst, you get a character like Nyoka, who doesn’t sound bad by any real means, but for a lot of her dialogue, I felt they should’ve slowed it down and focused on getting her emotions down. But it certainly wasn’t bad.

Storywise? This game wasn’t particularly interesting. I’m gonna put the keep reading thing here because I want to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t played yet and cares about them. Long story short, I think the game was good, but very disappointing given what it could have been. I enjoyed myself for the most part, but often found the lack of anything super special to really hold it back from achieving something I think the gaming industry needed in an era of, ironically enough, hyper greedy corporations with no morals to speak of.

So, what did I think of the story? And I guess by extension, the side quests. Overall, I think the main story was...not very good. There was a lot of good stuff inbetween though, and a lot of side quests and little things definitely were enjoyable. But the plot is just not nearly as engaging as it should be. Given how short it was though, that might’ve been a mercy.

The story, as roughly as I can summarize is, is that you’re a colonist frozen on the colony ship “Hope.” It’s been adrift for 70 years, but you’re woken up by a guy named Phineas Welles (he’s basically Doc Brown, but nicer). The Board (which consists of the 10 companies who own and run the colony/solar system) try to stop him, but they fail, and you’re escape podded onto Terra 2, near a dying town called Edgewater. The pod accidentally kills the contact you were to meet, so now you’re gonna steal his ship and use it to do shit basically.

Along the way, you pick up a ragtag band of miscreants and general shitheads and kill a lot of people and wildlife in a quest to stop the corrupt Board from running the colony harder into the dirt than they already have. It’s very by the numbers, more or less. I guess.

The immediate issue is that, despite being able to join the Board and betray Phineas if you want, there’s absolutely no fucking reason to do that. Not a single goddamn reason, other than for the evulz. This creates an issue where I feel no reason to deviate from the Phineas side of the story. And I know what someone might be thinking “But Pixel! The Board is supposed to be evil!” And I am absolutely aware of that. But the thing is, so was Caesar’s Legion in Fallout New Vegas. And yet, that faction is often considered just as interesting and compelling a faction for the game as the NCR or Mr. House. People will, to this day, still argue over who had the best idea for solving the Wasteland’s issues. Because despite how evil the Legion is, they still had very valid points about the NCR and how horribly corrupt and bloated it was. And there was absolutely an argument to be made about how safe they made their lands for those under their ownership. Stuff like that that makes you actually consider and think about whether or not you're actually making the right choices for the whole of the New Vegas wasteland, and by extension the rest of the Western part of America.

Here? There’s no contest. There is no necessary evils. There is no good reason the Board does anything. No logic, no reason. All they can do is fuck shit up even more, and that makes them such a boring, vague antagonist that there was never a moment in my mind I actually considered working for them. Any potential moments they had to sway me or dashed aside by them constantly proving how they could never actually fix the problems they made. And if that was the intention? Then Obsidian fucked up.

People remember the villains that raise a point a hell of a lot more than they do villains that are just evil for the sake of it (there are obviously exceptions, for an RPG? you need a compelling villain). And that’s why no one will remember this game in a decade. It pales so hard in comparison to New Vegas, it’s not even funny. It’s on par with Fallout 3, at best. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing if the whole point of this game was to make a statement against an increasingly morally bankrupt Bethesda.

Let’s look at, per se, Skyrim. Paarthurnax was a supporting character with an interesting backstory: he’s Alduin’s brother, who is the main antagonist. He is a dragon that secludes himself on the top of the tallest mountain in Skyrim, who meditates and focuses on suppressing his inherit evil dragon nature. Despite this nature, he chooses to be good. And he asks a very compelling question.

"What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

In a single sentence, Skyrim asked a more though provoking question than the entirely of The Outer Worlds. And if you played F:NV, then it’s probably weird to hear that, because F:NV was full of moral and philosophical quandaries. So where did it all go?

The thing is, people forget that the Obsidian that made F:NV is dead and gone. The actual people who made that game have all moved on from that company. This is the child trying to replicate the success of it’s parents, without entirely understanding exactly what the parent did to achieve what it achieved.

The biggest difference between F:NV and TOW is that F:NV really forces you to think. TOW just doesn’t require that, at all. 

Phineas good, Board bad. No thinking required.

I think the real warning sign is at the beginning of the game as well. Edgewater, the first town in the game, is dying. People are leaving and the town's also dealing with a disease epidemic. The town’s leader’s answer? Cut off power to the deserters, and force them to work harder despite the fact the town’s basically dying because of the overworking and disease. Despite the fact there’s not even enough medicine to heal everyone, and they have to play favorites with who lives and who dies.

What the fuck logic is this? Why would I ever choose that?

The only other choice, unless I missed a compromise solution (which I would’ve wanted) is to route power to the deserters and finish off the town more or less. The deserters wouldn’t take in everyone though, so a lot of people would die anyways. But even then, she’s still clearly the more competent leader. There’s not a goddamn contest. 

It just continues like that the whole game. I rarely had to think about who I’d side with. because the solution is obvious. The literal only reason I’d side with the corporations is if I was being evil, nothing else.

The best the story gets is when you need to make a compromise on Monarch between MSI (a corporation who got the boot from the Board) and the Iconoclasts (Religious people who are anti corporation). If you work with the second in command of the Iconoclasts, you can depose their extremist, dipshit leader and work out a truce. Which is good! It rewards the player for this too, when these factions come to help in the final level of the game (and when you see specific characters you could save helping out, that also make it feel like your decisions had an impact). You see the two factions...standing next to eachother, which isn’t much, but it’s about as much change you see in the game.

Which is also another thing that TOW fails to accomplish: a sense of longevity with my decisions leads to me feeling that, despite making the right choices, nothing really changes. 

Going back to Edgewater, you’d think after a while, I’d come back and the town would be entirely gone or something, right? 

Nope.

Some NPC’s stood outside the factory forever, as did some guards. There weren’t any lights on. That’s about it.

Well, certainly the Deserters must give me more quests to help out, which can lead to me establishing them and helping them help the Edgewaterers, right?

No. Very quickly you realize there’s very little do or talk about with NPC’s after you do monumental decisions. The only functional difference is an opinion slider, which is another imitation from F:NV that means fuck all. The only in game things it affects is: a) The prices of venders of that factions

b) Whether or not that faction will shoot you on site.

That’s it as far as I noticed. The best idea they had, that being that factions can love you, but also fear you just doesn’t do anything. As far as I could tell, at least.

I’d love to be wrong, because I was so excited to see what would happen to entire settlements and after I helped them. After I made important decisions that’d change the face of the colony. And I felt so disappointing when it became apparent little actually mattered. 

The companion sidequests aren’t too much better. The pacing is so weird, sometimes, depending on how available certain planets are. Parvati’s was especially jarring, despite it being the best written by far.

It basically is you helping her get with an engineer chick from the Groundbreaker. It’s pretty adorable overall, and without a doubt has some of the better writing character wise, but the pacing was so fucking weird. It initially starts with you getting Parvati to talk to her about engineering stuff. They say they’ll email and stuff about engineering stuff. which is neat. So I run around, finish up all the side quests on the ship as I can, then head back to my own ship. I did not go back to my ship at all during this. 

When I come back, Parvati immediately tells me that she and the engineer, Junlei, have been messaging and getting flirty and now she has a crush and it’s just like “Dude, were you texting her while we murdered all those bugs in the engine?”

It’s doubly funny as well, because Obsidian wanted to avoid the player having romanceable characters. Which makes about as much sense as you think. Once source said the reason was that they wanted you to focus on roleplay, and not trying to bang anyone you found hot (okay?). Another just said they weren’t ready for it. And I believe it. As much as I think romance would’ve been another good thing to add depth to this game, I bet you they’d have fucked it up. It’s just funny. Even Fallout 4 had pretty acceptable romances.

Granted the system was fucking basically “Kill shit together until you wanna bang” but fuck, it was something! It also doesn’t help there’s a bunch of cuties all over this game: Huxley stands out as an adorable muffin who becomes a generic NPC at the end of the MSI/Iconoclast questline, despite the fact you can even repair her journal terminal with zero indication at you can do it, which is good! Let me just do things to be nice! But she literally just sits there after you rescue her with a few dialogue options which goes away after the peace deal, and it's so fucking frustrating that I want to enjoy the characters more, but none of them seem to have more than a paragraph's worth of depth to them and it's so sad.

Even the companions are like this. At the beginning I’d try and talk with Parvati about anything, but the only dialogue options would be about getting her out of the party, and that’s it. I can’t ask her what she thinks of things, or of the current quest/situation. There’s such a weird lack of depth in a weird amount of areas, that it felt almost worse than playing a Bethesda game.

I think the penultimate disappointment of the game is, fittingly, the final level, Tartarus. Which is fitting, because it feels very hellish. Not the planet mind you, or the prison which it takes place in, but just the complete lack of anything super special. It’s just the same kind of environments you’ve already run through, but bigger and with more bullet sponge bad guys. Which is funny, because jumping around and killing an army on a purple hell planet that has perpetual lightning storms would’ve been sick as fuck, but nah, gotta run around on Scylla instead of anywhere else compelling.

In my playthrough, MSI, the Groundbreaker, and the Iconoclasts came to help me deal with all the fucking goons, which was mostly cool because I didn’t have to deal with the tediousness of killing every last one of corporate goon myself.

This is about as big of an impact your decisions come to as far as I’ve noticed. Which isn’t saying much.

You meet the Chairman of the Board here, by the way. I just shot him and kept moving. shrugs

There’s also a last minute villain in this Sophia person, who is also apparently on the Board? It’d help if there was a list of the Board people, which could’ve been on a terminal somewhere. Maybe I’m dumb and never found it, which is plausible. 

The final boss fight, (I hesitate to call it that) is just somewhat large robot. It’s a bullet sponge with respawning combat drones flying everywhere and they’re very annoying. I died once after around 10 minutes of fighting, then using Parvati and Felix’s (he’s another companion, he’s also okay I guess) combat abilities I knocked it down and layed into the robot’s weak spot. He died very quickly.

So depending on how you do it, the final fucking boss is either stupidly hard or mind numbingly easy. I don’t know which is worse.

So you go past the dead robot, gun down Sophia in one shot, and save Phineas. You basically become the leader of Halcyon, there’s a F:NV-esque slideshow and commentary about your actions that somehow is worse that New Vegas’s, credits roll, and you sit there thinking “That’s it? That’s really it?”

Yeah, that’s it. 

It’s such a let down, especially because this was supposed to be Fallout New Vegas’s spiritual successor. But all it does it make me want to play that game instead of this one.Which is probably what you should do regardless if you pick this game up or not.

There’s a bunch of other mechanics and stuff I never brought up. There’s technically a character customization screen, but you literally only see your character in the select menu, and there’s no third person. There’s a barber in Edgewater who’s also a doctor, and yet you can’t even get a haircut from him (again, failing to match up to even Fallout 3). 

There’s these Mods you can put on armor and guns, and you find them by the bucket full so you’ll always have those. Just get an aim stabilizing one for an LMG and you’ll be fine. You can also tinker your armor and weapons, making them stronger if you spend credits on it (why not the armor and weapon parts, I’ll never fucking know). You can repair your stuff at a workbench, which is advisable. Just take all the weapons and armor you pick up, take it apart for parts, and never worry about it again. You’ll get money from quests, so buying those parts is meaningless and a waste of money

There’s also hacking and stealth and stuff. Stealth is such a non...thing in the game. There’s no silencers, but since all enemies decided to put cotton into their ears, there’ll be plenty of times I shoot someone, and a guy ten feet away heard fucking nothing. Plus there’s this disguise mechanic where you pick up ID guards and get a hologram disguise that wears out as you walk (passing speech check from suspicious guards restores it), so it’s not like sneaking around was ever a priority. Just put your points into the speech. Stealth is a dump stat more or less. 

Oh yeah, Parvati’s an ace lesbian. Which is nice that they handled that way in a non-dipshit way (you can also identify as ace in certain dialogue with her in her companion questline, which is funny considering they never let you fuck anyways, so it’s weird that you even have the choice). My only complaint is that they should’ve put this representation in a better game. 

What’s funny is that, despite everything, I don’t even hate this game. I feel a remarkable numbness, followed by a desire for something better. I spent about a week burning through it? If I had more free time, I could’ve finished it sooner probably. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It was pretty fun for what it was, but knowing that this is somehow supposed to match up to what F:NV was is sad, and a sign of how bad the gaming industry had fallen. 

The only difference here is that unlike the Outer Worlds, I can’t purge the rot of the gaming industry with a haelstrom of plasma bullets.

Would I recommend this game? I guess. There’s still some fun to be had, but don’t expect anything too major or interesting. Get it on sale, it;s not worth $60 right now. There’s apparently DLC coming out for it eventually? I might play it, and I might post an update to this review, or make a seperate post for that eventually. Depends on how well this one does? Or if the DLC makes me feel enough emotion to type something out like this in 2 straight hours.