#so she didnt want to yell at me in front of everybody probably

[expelumos]

mom: why didn’t you do (insert an insignificant thing i can do anytime), i told you to do this 5h ago, get to work me, internally: yeah well you know, i asked you to do/help me with a lot of stuff too like idk help me go to therapy, finally get me new glasses, overall don’t yell at me whenever i’m so depressed i can't do anything and don’t blame me for literally everything but i don’t come into your room screaming about this stuff you know me, externally: sorry i forgot to do it

[senfena]

Cold War: Remedy, Chapter 10

A/N: I was originally going to put Bell as part of the team we see in the season 2 opening cinematic. I didnt realize until a quarter of the way through writing this chapter that the only one who could be Bell is actually Park, in one of her MP skins. I like the work-around I created though c:

April 17, 1984

13:30

Even with the radio turned all the way up, it did little to muffle the constant whacks and thumps from the heavy bag you were roundhouse kicking the shit out of, or the grunted yell you made with each attack. It was some great workout music at least, 99 Luftballons was playing and it had you uber energized. Your legs needed to get moving again after having recovered, and that bag was receiving no mercy from you. Jab, jab, roundhouse, right hook, left hook, elbow. You backed up a bit, took a running start, and-"YAGH!" drop kicked the hell out of it.

Just as you paused for a moment and the radio was switching to Send Me an Angel, the music suddenly stopped. You turned to see Woods, with his finger on the power button. "So that's what you're into, Bell? New wave?" He asked, piqued with curiosity. "Yeah." You shrugged your shoulders. "What's wrong with that?" "Nothing, just, three years ago it didn't even seem like you enjoyed any music." He analyzed. You took off your boxing gloves and put them on the table next to the radio. "I didn't really have the time for it back then, ya know? Adler never let me touch his radio, and we didn't have much time to explore my tastes anyways."

"Fair enough." He chuckled, prompting a smile from you. "Speaking of Adler, we got some intel. Hudson just called a meeting." Intel? Hopefully that meant they found him. You and Woods made your way back to the main room. Gathered in front of the evidence board already was Hudson, Park, Sims, and a new guy, Wolf. You weren't used to these new faces coming in quickly and leaving just as soon. Before, the only thing close to seeing new faces was when Mason and Woods first arrived, and they were there for almost the entire time afterwards. 

"Everybody listen up." Hudson began. "We've run down every clue we have, and at last, we believe we have a location on Adler." He pointed to a bird's eye view photo of a compound in a jungle. "The trail points to this stronghold for the Golden Triangle Cartel near Sankang, in Laos. We believe Stitch is using it to manufacture and distribute Nova 6 throughout the region, and where he's holding Adler." So he's probably alive still, for now at least. Thank god. "The cartel is headed by Kapano Vang, codenamed Naga." Hudson pointed out a figure in a balaclava, wearing sunglasses. "He's a former warlord, and a high level Perseus agent.'' Jesus, another Perseus higher up with a covered face. Why can't they just show their face in public like a normal egotistical bad guy? Like Volkov. 

Hudson walked over to the table and placed his hand on a larger satellite photo, showing more of the region surrounding the compound. "Your LZ will be here, a few klicks west of the camp." He pointed to an open field, next to an abandoned temple. "You'll be going in with our guerilla specialist, Rivas. She's already in Laos now, staking out the compound. You'll come in at the north gate, gain access to the base, and search until you find Adler. We don't know exactly where in the camp they're keeping him, so leave no stone unturned. Our main objective is recovering him and removing the Nova 6 threat." Hudson looked up at the rest of you, ready for questions.

You were the first to start. "Great. When do we leave?" Hudson took a deep breath. "Woods, Park, Sims, and Wolf, you'll be leaving shortly after sunrise tomorrow." He turned to face you. "Bell, you're not going on this one-" "What!? Why the hell not?" You griped, face aghast. Why would he pull you back into this if he wasn't going to use you? Everybody else looked confused as well. "Your legs are only just finishing healing, Bell, and we don't know if that's done yet. I don't want them getting damaged again before you're ready." You spread your arms out and walked backwards a few feet. "Does this not seem ready?" In a demonstration of how much you've healed, you spun around twice, side stepped to the left a few more feet, ending with a jump kick standing in place. "I've made my decision, Bell. We can afford zero screw-ups." He slapped down your eagerness.

"Everybody else, make your preparations." Hudson finished as he walked off to a corner, pulling out his cellular phone. You silently stormed back to the makeshift gym, put back on your boxing gloves and started rapid fire punching the bag. You had to figure out something. Leaving shortly after sunrise? That's at least a 15 hour lead. Pack quickly. Get to Philadelphia International. There'll be a changeover, Thailand's too far to fly direct-"Bell?" Park interrupted your thought process, startling you. You jumped around to face her, putting your hand over your heart. "Sorry, sorry, it's just me." She stretched her arms out to you with her hands raised, attempting to calm you. 

"Sorry, I just...I was lost in thought." "What about?" She questioned. You sighed. "I can't just stay here and do nothing, Park. I gotta make sure we get him back." You tried to convince her. She crossed her arms, staying silent for a few moments as she looked at the floor. "Why does it mean so much to you?" She finally spoke up. "What?" "Well, the last time you and Adler saw each other, you punched him in the face, constantly insulted him, and said you didn't want anything to do with him again. Now he may be dying, or already dead, and you put both of your legs in casts trying to stop it." You looked away from her, trying to shut out her rationalization of your own hypocrisy. "And because I know you well enough, I imagine you're trying to figure out some way to come on this mission, with or without permission." Shit, was it that obvious? You looked back at her again. "It just seems...strange." She pondered, uncrossing her arms.

"I don't really understand it either." You divulged to her. "He did shoot me...betray me, and yeah, I hate him for that but...I can't hate him completely." You leaned against the heavy bag, grabbing hold of your left arm with your right one. "He told me my real name." Park tilted her head. "Right before we left for England, I asked him. He told me, and he gave me his fancy lighter too. It's just...really complicated, with us." You lamented. "But I know I don't want him dead. For one thing, whoever Sariya...I was back then, I feel like I need to know more about her. And he's probably the best one to help me with that." You confided. "I could help you with that as well, if you're interested." You perked your head up at Park's suggestion. "I could riffle through MI6's files, perhaps get Hudson to look through the CIA's, or Adler, once he's back, and dig up anything we can find about your life beforehand." You broke into a wide smile. "That'd mean a lot to me, Helen. Thank you." She stepped forward and embraced you. "Of course." She beamed back at you.

As you let go of eachother, something else came to mind. "Hey, another thing...was I ever given a name on my CIA file? Aside from Bell?" You queried. "Yes, actually. Adler came up with it, of course. Serena Bailey." Park divulged. You slowly took it in. Serena Bailey. "Hm...I like Serena, but I don't think Bailey exactly fits me. Plus it needs a middle name." "You have plenty of time to come up with the right fit." She patted you on the shoulder. "In the meantime, what's your plan for getting to Laos?" She asked with a smirk. You stood still. "You're not gonna try to stop me?" She shook her head in response. "If you say you're ready for action again, I trust you." You broke into a smile again. "Well...I gotta get to Philly International soon. My lead on you guys is closing every second. From there I'll have to find a connecting flight to Thailand. London, Stockholm, somewhere in Europe that can get me to Bangkok. Bad news is, I'm already gonna lose most of my head start getting from one side of Thailand to the other to cross into Laos."

"I'd pack my bags and get moving then." Park stepped aside. "I'll go run interference on Hudson, make sure he doesn't see you slipping out. And I'll make sure to let the others know what the plan is." You gave her another tight hug. "You're a lifesaver, Park." You patted her on the back and swiftly ran to your room to pack a bag. "I'll see you all in Laos!" 

[warrior-angel]

Till Death Do us Apart

Author: @warrior-angel

Word Count: 6155

Summary: when you and your brother both get infected by the flare you go down an emotional rollercoaster only for it to end totally diffrent than you had originaly planned it al to go.

Warnings: major character death, blood, angst,

Note: this was realy hard to write for me but i'm very proud of it so i hope you guys like it

This is a one shot writen for Tomuary by @writingsbychlo

you knew you were a walking time bomb and that you probably didn't have long anymore every day could be your last you just hoped you would make it long enough to see your friend being saved.

The flare, a stuppid virus that made you go completely insane, you've kept your sanity in all those years in the Maze and now that you were finally free you wouldn't live to see the beauty of it. Here you were leaning on the table listing to Thomas and Gally picking a fight over what to do next you had to save Minho from WICKED but every idea was turned down it being to risky and now that there was a real option to extualy get the job done Thomas was refusing to do it and you were just trying to keep your mind from not completely losing it over this endless ‘i don't trust you even though it could save our lives thing’ you loved Thomas that's the hole reason you were together but sometimes he could be so stubborn and right now, right now he was being a pain in the ass because the plan Gally had to save Minho included Teresa “No there's gotta be another way” Thomas kept saying while everybody disagreed knowing we didn't have much choice or resources to do anything else “like what? you’ve seen the building she’s our only way in'' Gally tells him again but he still doesn't listen. “If we do get in you think she’s going to help us?” Thomas ask him and Gally shakes his head “I don't Plan on asking for her permission” i crack a little smile knowing nobody at the table really liked teresa in the first place and Brenda only conformers that when she's speaking up “Am i missing something here this is the same girl that betrayed us correct? same Dick”

Thomas starts to nervously pace around and nobody understands his problem. You loved Teresa like a sister but after her betrayal a lot changed even for you “what's going on?” Brenda asks him and you look over at Newt you knew your brother and you knew that look on his face because you've had it yourself and you've seen it on him before he was angry and he was going to lose it any second now “your afraid your little girlfriend is going to get hurt?” Newt snaps and all eyes go to him “this has obviously never been just about rescuing Minho is it''

Thomas looks taking back by his sudden outburst and so does everybody else but i couldn't disagree “he’s got a point Tommy” you tell him and the brown haired boy looks up at you even more shocked that your agreeing with Newt “what are you talking about” but before you can do or say anything Newt stands up straight in front of him “Teresa, she's the only reason Minho is even missing in the first place and now we finally have an opportunity to get him back and what you don’t want to because of her? because deep down inside you care more about her than for y/n don't you, just admit it”

Thomas turns his gaze over to you over Newt his shoulder and you know Your brother hit an emotional string there. from day one you were Teresa her competition and you knew how thomas felt about her but he chose you over her and that meant the world to you but this part of you that was Sick and infected was telling you that the minute you would be gone he would run to Teresa “Newt i” Thomas starts but All Newt does is move closer pushing Thomas against the wall “Don’t lie to me!”

“Newt calm down!” You yell getting closer but your brother doesn't move “Don’t lie to me” he tells Thomas again “Newt Get the off of him!” You say using every ounce of strength to pull him away from Thomas. As soon as he backs away he looks a bit shocked at his own actions looking between you and your friends mumbling a quick apology before turning towards Thomas and apologizing again. the minute he steps to the side wanting to walk away, wanting to leave the room you notice him grabbing onto his arm and you immediately fear the worst cause you've had the same outbursts and the same burning sensation in your arm right after you had an outburst like that. “y/n, i'' Thomas says towards you and you shake your head not wanting to talk about it “it’s fine, he just need to cool down”

“That's not what i mean” and you nod “i know”

you stand on your toe’s giving him a quick kiss on his cheek and giving him a reassuring smile “i’ll go check on Newt i’m probably the only one he’ll talk to you guys find a way to get Minho back”

Opening the door to the roof you can see Newt sitting on the edge of the building and you take a few steps closer trying to calm yourself down already knowing the truth about what just happened what had caused his outburst but still a part of you hoped it was just the tension and the time spend so close togheter that caused it instead of a stupid virus. Looking over his shoulder newt spots you standing behind him and you take a few steps closer “sorry bout that back there” he tells you but you don't say anything you just sit down beside him and look at his arm and seeing the twitching in his fingers and it looks all too familiar to you “Why didn't you tell me?” you ask him and he looks over at you but you just look at his arm and he Rolls up his sleeve Revealing multiple black and purple veins on his lower arm “you could’ve told me” you tell him but you knew your brother, you were the same you didnt wanna spend your last few weeks or even days saying goodbye to the people you loved

“I didn't think it would make any difference” he was right knowing it didn't change a thing it only made saying goodbye so much harder because you didn't know when you had to do it “All i know is that WICKED must off put us in that Maze for a reason, maybe it was literally just so they could tell the difference between the immunes like you and people like me” that only made it hurt more because he didn't know, he didn't know you were not Immune “people like us” you tell him and he looks confused. taking a deep breath you lift your leg up a little and move away to Fabric covering your ankle to show Newt the bite mark and torn skin that was covered in black and purple veins “it was that Crank that Fry shot when we were in the tunnel right before Brenda and Jorge saved us, his aim was good only a little bit to late” you explain

it stays silent between the two of you for a minute letting it sink it that you were going to lose each other to lose everybody you loved “Thomas?” He asks and you shake your head “he doesn't know, and he cant i'm not spending my last days saying goodby to him he needs to focus on Saving Minho”

“So what's your plan? You just wanna run off, leave us all behind and die on your own?” Newt asks in a harsh tone “No, i’m sticking to the plan and that's saving Minho”

“What you gonna do after that” and you swallow the lump in your throat “There won't be an after cause i’m not planning on surviving it and that's exactly why he doesn't know”

“who doesn't know?” a familiar voice says behind the two of you you both look back to see The brown haired boy and you turn your gaze to Newt pleading for him to stay quiet and he nods looking back to this arm “i guess i can't hide this anymore'' he tells Thomas rolling his sleeve up again “Newt we can still fix this” thomas tells him and you look between both boys being trapped in the triangle of losing not only yourself but also your brother and the boy you love

That night you all decide to go through with the plan, get Teresa, make her take out the chips in your necks and break into WICKED to get out Minho and that's exactly how things went. having Teresa back was weird to say the least nobody trusted her but right now she was sitting behind you with a small knife against your neck to cut out the chip you didn't really have a choice “try to relax this is going to sting” she tells you and shrug it off wanting to get it over with “just do it”

a sharp pinch follows within a few second you grab the chair tightly out of reflex and you put your feet flat on the Floor trying not to move but moving your leg past the Chair the zipper on your Jeans opens showing her the black veins beneath it “your leg” she says and you pull back leaning down the close the zipper and pull the fabric over your ankle down “What happened?” She asks but you ignore her completely

“are you done” you tell her harshly looking straight up at her “you two okay?” Thomas asks from across the room and you nod “yeah, where fine” you tell him grabbing a small piece of gauze and holding it to your neck “does he-” but you cut her off talking a little softer making sure nobody hears “No, he doesn't and he won't cause your going to keep your mouth shut and not talk to anybody about it you ruined enough as it is”

“if you come back to the lab with me i could help you give you a-”

“just drop it alright!” you yell getting everybody's attention “Whats going on here?” Gally asks and you shake your head “Nothing, there's absolutely nothing” you tell him walking of Looking over at your brother And then to the brown haired boy that is already on his feet and coming towards you and taking you away from Teresa and away from the others for a second “hey, whats going on with you?” he asks and you shake your head “i’m just one edge i just really want this to work” and the boy nods understanding and giving a quick peck on your lips cupping your cheeks “well get Minho back and we'll all be safe i promise” you look over at your brother on the other side of the Room and Thomas seems to understand “We’ll save Newt well get the cure and he’ll be fine”

“Promise me that after saving Minho you’ll try to save Newt no matter what” and he nods “where is this coming from?” He asks but you just look at him “Promise me Thomas”

“I Will, i promise i Will try to save Newt no matter what” you give Him a weak smile knowing that your brother might survive this all and that made you feel good you where going to save your friends, your family even though you know there was only enough to save one of you two and you knew it wasn't going to be you “You know i love you right?” He tells him and he leans down a little kissing you with more passion than before “i love you too, until Death do us apart” it was a small thing you two said in the glade and in the scorch when something happened but right now it only made you sad cause the small Joke that first meant you loved on another and would stick together would soon turn into reality and probably Faster than he hoped.

The plan worked, you got into WICKED, you saved Minho and you got out of the building with only minor issues but the adrenaline and the fast work took its toll on Newt, His body was shutting down and it was getting harder for yourself to keep things hidden from Thomas or anybody else for that matter.“They were supposed to blow up WICKED not the whole damn city!” Gally says as the walls explode and cars full of angry people coming rushing into the city. pushing us to the side we all sit down against a wall in an alley trying to get away from the explosions and Thomas crawls to the side and you pull his arm “where are you going” you ask him but he is quickly sitting back next to you as he sees WICKED’s cars rushing in “shit”

“what are they waiting for?” Minho asks “Like i have a clue” you answer and like it was planned a loud explosion goes off again and gunfire starts to blast out on the street “we gotta go!” Gally calls out and we sneak into an old dinner to stay sheltered from it all. Sitting in the back of the restaurant you sit against Thomas his chest and his hand goes around your waist as both of you breath heavily for the first time sitting still and letting everything that happened sink in looking between the gunfire outside and Gally,Newt and Minho you know things aren't looking very good for the five of you. Thomas loosens the hand on your waist and grabs the walkie from his pocket “brenda, are you there” and almost immediately she answers “Thomas, i’m here” you grab the walkie from his hands looking around seeing your brother getting worse the fire and fight going on outside and Thomas behind you before answering her “Bren, there's too much going on and i don't think we're going to make it”

“y/n? what are you talking about” she says clearly holding back tears making it harder for yourself to hold it back and you hand to Walkie back to Thomas while swallowing the lump in your throat “you should take the others and get everybody out while you still can” and i doesn't take long for Brenda her protest to come through

“No” and tears roll down your cheeks knowing how hard it is for them so putting your hand over Thomas you hold down the buttons “brenda, you need to go” you tell her hoping she will listen to you “i’m not leaving you two okay so forget it”

“Even though you should,” Thomas tells her and it stays silent for a while you sit up a little with a few tears in your eyes and you grab onto Thomas's hand tighter than before. part of you hoped it was going to be over cause it meant you never had to tell him the truth but the other part wanted him to survive and live his life at the fullest “we started this together might as well end it that way” you tell him and he smiles “you sound like your brother” and you laugh a little looking over at him “till death do us apart right” Thomas Jokes and you nod turning our head far enough to kiss him

“Thomas! y/n! don't worry i’m coming for you” and both Thomas and you look at each other and you act quick taking the walkie out of his hands “what are you talking about?”

“our rides here, look for us near the tunnels”

After walking out of the building Gally takes the lead cause he knew the place the best and he led you all towards the tunnels. At the end of the street a loud blow is heard and a car blows up in front of you all making you fall over and you're once again stuck hiding behind a wall “were almost here” Gally says staking low trying to look for a way through the fight without much trouble but a bright flash of light above you all making you look up seeing the berg flying overhead heading towards the tunnels “There here” you say in a whisper looking at Thomas having hope for your brother once again knowing Brenda had the cure to save him

“go without me, just go” Newt spills and you all look at him, veins starting to crawl up his neck and towards his face and black blood coming from his mouth

and you knew he wasn't going to last long anymore “Minho, you gotta run ahead grab the serum and get back as soon as you can” you tell him and he looks at you not agreeing with it but Thomas nods “Minho, go”

“there right, i’ll cover” Gally tells him and i nod once silently thinking him

“y/n, bring one for y/n” Newt says and you shut him up “what is he talking about?” Thomas asks and you shake your head “Nothing I'm fine it’s just the infection getting to his head” you tell him turning to Minho “You need to go Now!

“just hang on, you hear me,” Minho tells Newt and with those words he runs off getting the serum to save your brother. Newt his head turns to the side and you can see he's fading away but you grab onto him shaking him trying to get him to focus on you and trying to stay awake “Newt! stay with me do you hear me, i need you to stay focused”

“We've gotta get you up” Thomas says, grabbing onto Newt his arm but he protests reaching for his necklace and ripping it from his neck “come on Newt we've gotta go!” Thomas tells him again and tears run down your eyes as Newt holds out the necklace towards Thomas you knew it was the letter he wrote, you were there with him

“Newt, your gonna make it”. I tell him but he keeps his hand out for Thomas

“Just take it!” he yells breathing heavily and Thomas takes the necklace from him holding his hand tight “please, Tommy please” as the words pass by his lips your body starts shutting down and you start coughing letting your body drop next to Newts “y/n!” Thomas yells and you nod “i’m okay, it's just smoke” you lie and you look towards Newt and you can see in his eyes that he knows you're not far behind him “tell him, you need to tell him” Newt says and you shake your head “you need to keep your mouth shut, the plan is going the way it should” you tell him before turning to look at Thomas “tell me what?” Thomas asks and you shake your head holding onto your sanity and pushing yourself up again “The plan about saving Minho it's working now we've gotta save Newt your helping or not?”

“She’s Sick” Newt spits and Thomas looks at you “i’m fine just tired” And Thomas nods he knew you hadn't been sleeping much being concerned about newt but the truth was you didnt wanna risk him seeing the Infection in your leg you had enough time to sleep when this was over. “We need to get out of here” you tell him and Thomas nods, helping you lift up Newt and Making your way closer to the tunnels.

after a few blocks of walking your knees give up on you and you drop to the ground Newts body collapsing onto Thomas and dropping to the ground before you “Y/n?” Thomas ask and you look up at him “I’m Sorry Thomas” you tell him knowing your plan was not working you weren't going to make it and your idea to walk away the minute your brother was save wasn't going to work, if you were shutting down this fast then Newt was even worse knowing that the body in front of you wasn't your Brother anymore but the Infection that caught up with him and took over his brain.

suddenly the street goes quiet and Teresa her voice comes through “thomas? can you hear me, i need you to listen to me i know you have no reason to trust me but i need you to come back, Thomas you can save Newt you can save y/n, there's still time for the Both them” you start coughing and looking at your hand you see black blood and you lift your head up al little to look at thomas you give him a silent apologie again but he just looks at the blood on your lips “there’s a reason brenda isn't sick anymore, it's your blood do you understand she isn't sick cause you cured her she doesn't have to be the only one. the only thing you have to do is come back and all of this will finally be over, please just come back to me” he looks at you and with tears in your eyes you nod “you need to go ” you tell him and he shakes his head ignoring it only wanting answers “why didn't you tell me?” He asks and you swallow the lump in your throat this was the exact reason you didn't tell him

“i couldn't, i didnt wanna say goodbye not to you”

“There's still time Minho is getting the serum” and you shake your head “That’s not the plan’ you tell him throwing it all out “Newt was supposed to make it and i was going to stay behind, going down saving you guys”. You tell him and he has tears in his eyes “You were just going get yourself killed? After everything we’ve been through”

“It’s better than letting this Stuppid Virus control me, i’m not becoming a Crank Thomas, i love you i do but i would much rather get shot out here than survive only to risk hurting the others or you” but he shakes his head not accepting it you betrayed his trust which made you no better than WICKED the only difference was that your intentions were truly only to save the people you loved “we’ll get the serum and everything Will be fine” he tells you but before you can say anything or protest a loud scream comes from behind you and you turn your head to see Newt showing getting up onto his feet, surprised he’s still there “Newt?” you both ask insinc and he slowly turns revealing him fully cranked out eyes gone black and he lashes out towards Thomas attacking him. Thomas steps aside letting Newt drop to his knees and he seems to have a second of his humanity coming through “Tommy! kill me!” he yells, turning to look at Thomas but your own mind keeps getting hazly wanting to shut down so you only see fragments of the fight in front of you. the minute you look backup holding onto your sanity you see Newt holding a knife close to thomas his chest and your own rage takes over pushing yourself onto your feet and pushing your brother off of your boyfriend and holding him down “Newt, this isn't you! Get a hold on your sanity” you try hoping he has any left but he doesn't do anything but trying to get you off and to your side you see a Gun and you use your left foot to kick against it and it slides towards Thomas and he looks between the weapon and you holding down Newt “shoot! the bullet will kill us both” you tell him in a clear moment and she shakes his head

“Thomas, it's your own life, or ours!” you yell at him but Newt gets the upper hand throwing you off him and going for the knife again heading back towards Thomas and you make a decision, with tears in your eyes and the last bit sanity you crawl towards the gun and clock it standing on your feet and aiming the gun towards your brother “Newt!” you yell and he turns his attention towards you and in that small moment you see his eyes the ones you grew up with and the ones of the big brother you love so much and he nods telling you it's okay and with that you pull the trigger the bullet going into his chest and his body dropping to the ground. you look over at thomas and he sits there next to Newts body tears covering his cheeks and your own rolling down your face knowing you just killed the one person that you promise yourself you would save “i'm sorry thomas'' you tell him lifting up the gun an you close your eyes placing your Finger on the trigger but before you can pull it Thomas slams it out of your hands “No! I’m not losing both of you” you look him in his eyes and he has a pleading look “Minho is on his way just hold on okay” he tells you through sobs and you shake your head “i'm not going to make it till then i’m tired of fighting Thomas, i just want it to stop, make it stop” you tell him trying to hold onto your sanity, you reach in your pocket and take out the small necklace and you hand it to him. “Newt’s not to only one that wrote you a letter” and he grabs it holding onto your hand “i love you” you tell him and he smiles a little through the tears “i love you too” with your own tears you take a step back and let go of his hand “if that's true and you really love me, then you'll let me do this then you let me go” he looks shocked and shakes his head protesting but you dont listen to his words “you’re going to be okay” he tries to tell you but you give him a hard enough push to make him trip and you grab the gun up from the ground and drop to your knees next to Newt his body “i’ll see you soon” you tell him before before turning to look at Thomas one last time as he gets back onto his feet but your already lifting up the gun to your head “i’ll say hi to chuck for you”

“don’t do it Please y/n!” he asks through sobs “till death do us apart”

“Wait!” Looking to the side Brenda runs forwards with the small blue file in her hand and she looks to Newt on the ground and to you holding the gun to your head but it all gave Thomas enough time to run towards you getting a Grip on the gun“Thomas! I’m gonna kill you!” You yell at him letting the last of your humanity slip away and fighting the one person you thought you never wanted to hurt “Brenda!” Thomas yells and before you know it everything in front of your eyes turns black

WICKED had taken everything from him, they made it to the safe haven but it didn't seem to matter to him. Vince's speech was what hurt most , it reminded everybody of what they lost but it also reminded them that the people they cared about sacrificed their own lives to save them. “We've come a long way together, so many have sacrificed to make this place possible. your friends, your family. so here's to the ones that couldn't be here, here's to the friends we've lost, this place is for you it's for all of us” he turns his body to point at one of the large rocks in the middle of the place “this, this is for them, so in your one time in your own way, come make your peace, and welcome to the safe haven”

The night was spent talking about memories of the lost once and the plans for the future, the plans of what was coming next and what to do with their lives Now That they were free to do what they wanted but Thomas kept away from it sitting to the side. Minho said down next to him giving him a small smile and looking over the place “this is going to be a good home for us, they would of loved it” he tells him while reaching in the pocket of his jacket and pulling out the two necklaces and hands them back to thomas “you had this one you when you passed out, figured i'd keep them safe for you” an Thomas takes Boh of he necklaces from the boy hesitantly “thanks minho'' padding his shoulder he smiles before walking away leaving Thomas alone to read the letter from Newt, followed by the one you gave him.

Dear Thomas

it’s been one hell of a ride, i know i always complained about being trapped by WICKED so this might be weird coming from me but i miss the glade, i miss waking up to frypans crappy breakfasts or watching the sunset right before the doors closed, it all seems like so long ago doesn't it we were so innocent back then. But now here we are, we lost a lot of Friends in the fight to get you all to the safe haven so you guys better make the most of it or I'm coming to haunt you all.

i want you to know that i never kept this all from you cause i didn't love you, god i loved you even more after i found out it wasn't going to last but i couldn't bring myself to tell you i know that it's probably selfish but i didn't want to spend our last few weeks maybe even days saying goodbye like everyone did with Newt, i wish i could be with you forever but i guess we weren't meant to be. Our time together was exactly like paradise but i wouldn't wanna change, i remember when you can up in that box back in the Glade everybody though you were one hell of a trouble maker and to be honest you really were, breaking the rules running into the maze but i loved every second of it, it didn't matter to me how many times you broke the rules or what stuppid or risky idea you had i would off followed it all, i did follow it i followed you, through the Maze, through the scorch and now through the last City saving Minho and getting Newt to safety. That was my plan and i know you’ll hate it but it was simple get you all save and leave myself behind to die out in the field so nobody has to know what was really happening to me it Will be easier that way. i’m not afraid of dying, i’m afraid of

Losing myself to this stuppid virus that turned me into a walking time bomb. I want you to know I don't want to let you all go but I have no other choice cause waiting for this serum isn't an option for me and even if we get there in time it would only push back the inevitable. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life to the fullest and make me proud and take care of the other keep Minho out of trouble and make sure gally doesnt start a fight with some shank in the safe haven. i hope that in a few years from now you’ll smile and say that it was worth it cause it has been worth it to me. Now pick yourself up and finish what you started and lead the people that are there with you like I know you can. I know you’ll do what's right you always have. take care and remember that i’ll love you

thank you for being my best friend and my first love

goodbye tommy

y/n

Opening your eyes you sit straight up feeling a burning pain in your ankle and lifting the fabric you see the Veins disappeared and the bite mark was almost completely healed. Panic rushes through your body not knowing where you are and looking around you only see wooden furniture and bottles of medicine on a table to the side, throwing your feet over the edge you stand up finding your balance and walking past the curtain that closed of the little shed you were in and you look out over the ocean turning to the side you see an entire village that reminds you of the glade, making you think that heaven wasn't as bad as you though it was going to be walking forwards into the place you pass by field that are growing food, people building shelter with wood and right in front of you the dark haired Runner comes walking closer and you look over at him surprised “Minho?” You ask him hesitant and he smiles up you only to see Gally, Frypan and Brenda walking closer to you beside him “hey there Greenie, you look better” Gally tells you and you stand there shocked and there eyes go to something behind and turning around your faces with the brown haired boy you love and he looks a bit sad but there this little light of Hope in his eyes as he steps closer grabbing onto you an hugging you tight.

“I-i’m alive'' you ask hesitantly while you sit on the side with Thomas and he nods “how long have I been out?” You ask him “A week the serum took its time but you made it through” he tells you and guilt hits you immediately, your plan your brother was the one that should have been sitting there not you, your brother, you killed your brother you shot Newt,you almost shot yourself. Panic washes over you and Thomas seems to notice and he grabs your hand pulling you out of it “hey, you made it” he tells you again and tears roll down your cheeks “i wasn't supposed to”

“yeah, i know i read your letter” and you look up at him “Thomas”

“I did as you told me to, i picked myself up and i’m gonna keep going forwards, were gonna keep going forward together”

“After everything if done, you still want me?” And the boy nods lifting his hand an cupping your cheeks “i hate the plan you made to just go of and die on your own and i’m going to be angry about it for a while but right now your still alive and i’m not planning on letting you go anytime soon so you're stuck with me”

“Newt..” you say in a whisper “Newt would want you to live a happy live and not think about what happened because you can't change it” you know he’s right but it was going to take time to mourn the loss of your brother this wasn't the plan you made instead of silently slipping away after you saved your friends and your brother you are the one that got saved “you were infected you didn't think straight” he tells you

“I knew what was doing when i pulled the trigger, i knew in that moment i was shooting My own brother, the look in his eyes told me it was him in that last minute it told me it was okay” you tell him holding down the Tear's that threaten to slip again

“but i also know your right he wouldn't want me to give up so i wont, i Will wait for you to forgive me cause i wanna be with you cause your all if got left” you tell Thomas and he smiles reaching in his pocket and pulling something out of it and he hands it to you, taking it from him it reveals a little ring and you look up at him “after we got here and i saw you past out i started making it, i knew when i saw you laying right there that i never wanted to see you like that again that i wanted to be with you forever, so if you really mean that you wanna be with me than you'll say yes” you look at him shocked not knowing what to do or what to say “say yes to being with me forever, say yes to being my best friend, to being my girl, to being my wife, marry me Y/n” you nod not having the words to say it outloud and Thomas smiles sliping the ring on your Finger and holding onto your Hand and leaning forward to catch your lips with his before looking back up at you “Till death do us apart”

[kewltie]

i,,, had a thought what if izuku thought he couldn't give kasumi the best kind of future for her so when she had just turned two, izuku met up Katsuki's parents at their house and asked them to take care of her and quietly disappeared so katsuki ends up being a new up and coming hero with a baby girl on the side.

kasumi is raised in the Bakugou household and is love fiercely and spoiled atrociously her grandparents, daddy, and his friends. she got everything a girl can ask for but in the back of her head there's a fuzzy memory of green eyed man and his gentle low voice when he called out her name.  she loves daddy above all even when he's being very annoying and overbearing because Kasumi is Daddy's precious princess and very very much like him as everyone says but when she looks in the mirror she sees blond hair, a perfect face and smile that resembles daddy but her eyes are the color of someone's else. Someone who is long gone from her memories, but they live in each breath she take. Live in the green hue of her eyes.

she doesnt know this person name but she know who he is. her other parent, the one who had abandoned her. she thinks he's a coward and weak for giving her up. she hates him so she wants to find him one day and yell at him and tell him that he's horrible HOW COULD HE LEAVE HER?? DIDNT HE LOVE HER?!

Izuku had carried kasumi in his body for ten months and he had her in his arms, giggling and crying, for only 2yrs but he loves her with all he has. when he had handed Kasumi to mitsuki it felt like he was giving away a part of himself because she is his, his most precious treasure. he broke down crying afterward, like he had just ripped out his heart and given it away but he knows katsuki and his family would give her a better future and a happier life than he could ever do. this is for her, he told himself, but it doesnt stop the agonizing pain he felt. the pain never truly stopped even though he had moved halfway across the country so he doesnt give in to the urge to race back and beg the Bakugou to give Kasumi back to him. he can only watch her grow up in the public eyes as the little princess of the new no. 1 hero, ground zero, like a bystander in her life.

kasumi grew up as the darling of the hero community because she was an enigma to the world. A BABY SUDDENLY appearing out of nowhere and to the HOTTEST upcoming hero?? and he had her while he was in high school?! and WHERE WAS THE OTHER PARENT?! a hero single parenting at his age is absurd. it got the nation scandalized and fixated on katsuki and his baby since day one so kasumi heavily grew up under the spotlight and in the public eye. it didn't help that she was terrifyingly clever, beautiful, blunt, and a natural hellraiser just by being bakugou katsuki's daughter.

the public adore her and she kinda mostly tolerate them back because it can't be help that she's so cute and smart that ppl want to pay attention to her (that bakugou’ss arrogance and confident coming out) lol. every move she make and say is always on the news, she doesnt mind it. really. sometimes when she lets herself think about it, she wonder if HE is watching her on TV somewhere in the world. does he see how much she had grown up now? does he love the dress she's wearing? is he proud of her? is he regretting HOW HE COULD LEAVE SUCH A PERFECT CHILD BEHIND? maybe all her achievements (the best in her class, athletics awards, ballet dancing and extracurricular activities she'd picked up and bested everyone else at) is her way of drawing attention to herself, maybe if she's SHOW EVERYONE SHE'S TRULY THE BEST,,, he'll come back to see her one day. the thing is kasumi is perfectly happy with her life. daddy is the best thing EVER and she loves him so, so much because that she never feels like she's a burden or lacking of anything but even his love isn't enough to fill that empty void in her, the 2yrs that she’d spent with that person.

all the while izuku tunes to the TV everyday in hope of getting a glimpse of her somehow, cut magazines and news clippings of her, and keeps track of her life through pieces of reporting because even if he isn't in her life, he wants to know what's going on in it and if she's happy at all. he'd built an entire shrine devoted to kasumi in his bedroom. there are pictures and news/magazine clippings of her on his walls. any mentions of her from katsuki or others, he'll watch the vid over and over again till his eyes are tired and he can repeat it word for word.  

for several years he had watch her from afar, but on her seven birthday, five years since he'd let her go, he was so WEAK with longing that he bought a plane ticket just to see her. EVEN IF IT'S ONLY A GLIMPSE OF HER WILL DO, TO BREATH THE SAME AIR AND HE'LL LEAVE AGAIN. that's all he wanted. izuku in disguise had lurked around the bakugou's household with hundreds of fans and reporters because it's the birthday of the ground zero's most precious PRINCESS and everybody wants a piece of her. izuku should have been in there with kasumi and the bakugous celebrating  her birthday instead of lurking outside like a creep but maybe that's true in another world. not now though.

in this world, he's just some weirdo stalker who obsessed with bakugou kasumi and her daddy as he waits outside to maybe see a glimpse of her at all. then he heard it, kasumi's boisterous giggles as she loudly proclaims she will magnanimously grace her fans with her presence.

"daddy, these people are obviously here for me," she scoffs, talking to an annoyed katsuki as they stroll out to the front yard. "I'll just say hi then i'll come back. stop worrying. you'll get even more grey hair and what will i do if you become uglier?" SHE'S SO BLUNT AND MEAN and izuku wanna cry because that's HIS BABY

he actually didn't even get to see her in person AT ALL because he ran the fuck away as soon as her heard her footsteps coming outside the bakugou's enormous home because he couldn't endure it. he knows if his eyes fall upon her person even once HE'LL BREAK DOWN AND never let her go again!

he can tell kasumi is lively, healthy, and clearly HAPPY with her life because katsuki had done right by her. izuku knew it was the right choice to leave kasumi to him and to hear that evidence so CLEARLY it was a relief and heartbreaking because it means that he was also right that he couldn't give her this. izuku quietly disappeared back to his life, never stop watching kasumi closely and once kasumi turned nine he decided it been long enough and she probably forgotten all about him and no longer caring about the disappointing parent who had abandoned her in a moment of weakness.

izuku moves closer to them. they're finally in the same city after seven years apart but it's not like kasumi nor katsuki knows that he is here at all. he tries to keep a low unassuming profile and promised to himself that he’ll never approach kasumi or katsuki at all. he manages to keep that promise for a year. then kasumi turns ten and HIJACKS katsuki's press conference to declares in front of hundred flashing cameras that, "my daddy is getting old and lonely and i cant be with him always so i'll be on the look out for good spouse for him :3c!" as katsuki roars in the background lol.

izuku was heartbroken in a diff kind of way compare to when he had given kasumi away because this is katsuki and kasumi, the two people he loves the most, finally moving on without him. katsuki will have a new mate and kasumi will have another parent that isn't HIM. he's happy but also very, very sad.

this is where like FATE OR SOME BULLSHIT because izuku managed to avoid the two of them for an entire year but ~things~ happens and he accidentally bumps into kasumi and KASUMI IS TOTALLY CHARMED by this strange quirkless nervous man who looks at her like she's his entire world. shes like ahh,,, maybe i should introduce him to daddy as a potential mate? not knowing that the man she feels an inexplicably drawn/attached to is actually her papa. bakudeku MEETING AGAIN AFTER 10 YEARS and yea, SHENANIGANS, MISUNDERSTANDING, SO MUCH DRAMA and also KASUMI lol

[fatbottombucky]

Seventeen *Peter Parker x Rogers!Reader* 2/12

Summary: Y/N Rogers is Steve’s Rogers great-great-great niece. Captain America recently became her guardian due to unfortunate circumstance, and Peter couldn’t be happier. Although he’s never talked to the girl, like ever. Due to failing grades Y/N purposes a deal to the young boy, a deal that would see the nerdy boy and popular beauty become close. Too close for Steve’s likening…

~Based upon the song Seventeen from Heathers~

Pairings: Peter Parker x [F]Rogers!Reader // [F]Rogers!Reader x OC!

Ratings: Mature (+18)

Warnings: Violance & abuse; mentally and physically. Suggestions of r*pe, it’s not detailed but there’s suggestions of it. Toxic boyfriend/past toxic family relationships

Authors Note: Also to me reader would be a red head (hence why I use Cheryl Blossom gifs) only becomes Steve’s mother is an Irish immigrant, so red head would run in the family. Reader is in no way described, it’s up to you how she’s depicted. civil war didnt happen

Chapter One

Chapter Two: We're Not Special, We're Not Different

Peter's POV

"Wait, you asked Y/N?" Ned asked in a rush, Peter looked at his best friend, "You actually talked to her?" Peter nodded, shrugging like he didn't have a mini panic attack when asking the girl yesterday for her help. "Ballsy, even for you."

Peter shakes his head, carrying his books because he had lost another backpack and didn't want to admit it to May. Walking to school he had tried not to think about how today would go, the fact he'd be hanging with the cheerleaders was something he didn't think would happen. But somehow he managed to get the courage, which is dumb. He can fight bad guys, face evil and do what needs to be done, but talking to pretty girls? Another level of confidence has to be needed and Peter didn't have that confidence.

"I think it's cool that she agreed," Ned nods slightly, "I mean, she's always been nice."

They continue to walk to school together, finally arriving and hearing the soft beat of the music coming from the field. Peter looks towards the field, stopping briefly to see the cheerleaders mid routine. You're front and centre, of course, as cheer captain. Yelling out numbers that go along with the beats. Ned raises his eyebrows whilst watching, he gives Peter an eye roll before walking into the schools building.

Ned has never cared that much about the school's hierarchy, he doesn't believe in it. But that's mostly because Ned gets along with everybody, it's hard to find someone that truly hates Ned because he's just so easy to get along with. Peter, does think there's a hierarchy believing he is one of the lower levels and you're top. He has never met someone like you, someone that is able to consume the energy of a room- and he's met Tony Stark. You're able to control a room and everyone listens to you, looks to you also.

he often wonders why you've never run for student body president, maybe it's to give someone else a chance.

"Peter," He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at Mj, she has an eyebrow raised, "you're being super creepy."

Peter rolls his eyes, "Shut up." He follows her inside, "Never normally get to see their routines."

"That's because they like to keep it a secret," Mj rolls her eyes and bitterness laces her words, "like it's something we're all excited to see when they show us during the games. They never normally practice this early anyway."

Peter stands by Mj's locker as she opens it, "That's because during the free period they're modelling for me," that catches her attention, "I asked yesterday and Y/N said she and her girls would love to."

"You're basing your art piece on them?" An eyebrow raised in confusion, "I don't know what expected but it wasn't taking photo's of cheerleaders."

"I'm not taking photos of cheerleaders, I'm taking photos of girls and trying to catch... an essence." He smiles at Mj narrowing her eyes, "all will be revealed when I show my piece."

**

"Peter," your voice cuts through the empty gym, a bright smile upon your face and wearing normal clothes- not that you don't. "So, we all brought outfits, what's the theme you'd like?"

Peter smiles and raises his eyebrows, camera in his hands again.

"Uhh, I don't mind," he shrugs out of awkwardness, "I guess, what you girls feel comfortable in. Normal, nice outfits are fine."

You nod once and turn around heading towards the locker rooms, it's roughly ten more minutes till you arrive with the girls in tow. All laughing and talking amongst themselves, you place a hand on your hip and cock your head, waiting for some kind of instruction from Peter. He coughs lightly and smiles at the group, giving a small wave and receives a round of chuckles and hellos.

"I think, we take a few here and then some outside?" he asks and fiddles with the settings, "if that is okay?"

"Peter, we're here for you, it's whatever you want- within reason, of course."

They start posing for Peter with you standing beside him, watching as your girls do the photoshoot.

Y/N POV

Watching Peter change his demeanour threw you off. In all the years you've known Peter he's never really been assertive, he usually keeps to himself and has a small selection of friends, even as a child he was the same. But a camera in hand and models in front of him, he seemed to change. Telling them what he wanted, what looked better and changing the settings to fit with the lighting and the model, it was... weird.

But a good type of weird.

You remained off to the side, helping the girls stay presentable and fixing their hair and outfits when not being photographed. Peter wanted to capture a certain essence, of which he didn't tell you what it was, but you hoped during this hour you'd been able to help him capture it.

"Did you want your photo taken?" His voice startles you and you frown, "I can if you want?"

"Sure, why not?"

You walk over to the picnic benches and sit on the table, feet propped on the chair and hands behind you. Your body tilted towards Peter, a smile curving at your lips. He takes a few photos of you, you changing positions every couple of snaps before calling it a day.

"So, did you get what you needed?"

Peter smiles and nods, "yeah, there's a lot I can use." You grin and nod, "I'm sure the girls will appreciate you sending the ones you don't use, we love a good photo for Instagram."

"Oh, yeah. Of course, I'll send them over Facebook or something." You walk slowly back inside the school with Peter, the girls going on ahead.

You bite your lip and look at Peter, "I have a favour to ask actually," Peter frowns and looks at you. "It's really embarrassing, so you kinda have to agree to it. I need a tutor, I'm falling behind in classes and in order to continue being captain and going here I have to keep my grades up. It's been... a struggle, I guess. Didn't realise it was affecting me till my uncle got my report card," Peter nods slowly, "you're the smartest guy I know, can you tutor me? I'll pay or whatever."

The bell for next class rings, you give a gentle sigh. Of course, Peter wouldn't want to help you. You aren't friends, you've never been close to him. You kinda thought that maybe he'd be empathetic to your situation, losing both of your parents considering he did too.

"Yeah," he breathes suddenly and grins when you sigh with relief, "after school, okay?"

You nod with a smile, "Definitely, thank you. I can drive you to mine and then back home to May before dinner. Meet me at my locker, kay?" You walk away looking over your shoulder to seeing Peter nodding and walking off with a small smile of his own.

Thank god he agreed.

"What was that about?" You almost jump at the sound of your boyfriends' voice, eyeing Parker's retreating figure down the school corridor.

You shrugged, "Us cheerleaders helped Peter by doing a photoshoot, so he's gonna tutor me after school." That has him frowning, "What? I need help and I promised my uncle that I'd get help, Peter is the smartest boy in my class."

"I can just get Josh to get you cheat sheets."

You shake your head, "No way. I'm not cheating," you scoff slightly and walk off to class, not bothering to stop at the call of your name.

**

"Thankfully, my uncle is gone," You tell Peter and place your bag on the sofa, "so don't worry about Captain America creepin' around."

Peter chuckles lightly and sits on the sofa, you grab two glasses of water and walk back, sitting beside him and opening up your textbooks. You spend the first 15 minutes showing him where you're struggling, what you're finding difficult and how he can help you turn it around.

After an hour you sigh and flop back against the sofa, Peter laughs at your dramatics and puts down his own pen, shutting all of the textbooks and allowing you to take a break. He probably needs one also because it hasn't been easy, especially for a first tutoring session. You didn't think it would be this bad but it is. How you allowed yourself to get like this, to forgetting almost every equation and solution.

Did your parents' death really affect you that much?"

"How are you holding up?"

You look at Peter, he's sat on the floor and cross-legged, he's looking up at you with a curious but genuine smile.

"I'm good," you shrug, "I mean, living here with a man that I hardly know isn't ideal. Also, he really doesn't want to be my guardian but he's a good person, I guess."

Peter nods, "It's hard having to readjust your life. Moving into a new place, living with someone that shouldn't be looking after you but has to. You feel a sense of guilt, because you shouldn't be their responsibility."

"You just said what I've been feeling," he smiles and nods, "I think everyone thinks it must be so cool to live with an Avenger. It isn't. He's hardly around, I suppose it's not a bad thing, but it can just be so lonely. Plus, he doesn't care. He doesn't know me and wouldn't have if he lived in his time. I hate superheroes," you sigh lowly and look up at the ceiling.

"All superheroes?"

You nod once, "They're out there saving the world, that's cool. I know they can't save everyone, and I don't expect Iron Man to swoop down and help me out, I mean, I live with Captain Fucking America, but I doubt if anything were to happen to me some superhero will be there to help me out."

Peter is silent as he thinks about what you just said.

"They claim everyone is important, but I don't think they care about...us," Peter frowns when he looks at you, "would any of them risk their lives for me? I don't think so."

Peter tilts his head, "I don't know, I think a couple would save you no matter the risks."

"We're not special, Peter," you tell him honestly.

~tags; comment or message me to be tagged~

@nicnicw06 @missshadowpup @herre-gud-nej @anasteas @letsnottalkaboutendgame @michaels-endtime @spiderchins @emmamarshmellow @romance-geek @thearcticmonkeysbitches @lastkiiiiss @daddyloonglegss @expellimarvelous​ @lbuck121​ @of-virtuoso​ @thebloodrobin​ 

[on-stand-bi-help]

So I this are just a bunch of texts that I sent my cousin and I thought why not post it on Tumblr as well!

Please do not take this seriously this is just some really bad comedy. Hope you enjoy. (Also this does have swear words and I mean a lot of swear words so you have been warned.)

Ok I haven’t edit this at all so sorry for my grammar and sorry if this doesn’t make sense

So a new MLB episode came out and it’s a special? Idk to be honest but here are my thoughts cause I want you to watch it! So there is a fucking new intro! It reminds me of the old Barbie movies intros not gonna lie but I guess it’s kinda cool.

Ok so their flying abilities or powers or whatever look really weird and I don’t like them. Alya showing the camera back and forth gave me a headache.

Ok but Ladybugs knowing about roses and their meanings gives me fanfic vibes not gonna lie. Chat trying his best too whoo Ladybug and respecting their boundaries (which she made by the way) freaking adorable not gonna lie. Chat being flustered fuck I just realized how much I missed him. Ugh Ladybug’s soft look and as soon as she leaves Chat’s soft look fuck they are adorable omg. Ok Chat saying that he needs to give himself some flowers cause he is amazing. 100% agree 10/10 you deserve it. TREAT YO SELF!

Ugh definitely did not miss Marinette’s obsession with Adrien omg. She’s really trying to lie to tikki bro you’re with her all the time. You can’t lie to her plus she’s been alive since the beginning of the universe and you’re telling me you are honestly trying to lie to her. God damnit Marinette you are such a dumbass.

LMAO THE STUDENT FILM OH MY FUCKING GOD!! THAT’S SO FUNNY!

God damn I saw on tumblr people comparing Draco to Chloe and I’m like bro Draco is a meme and a great character. Chloe is a bitch who is so fucking annoying.

OMG THE TEACHER IS PREGNANT ALL SHE HAD TO SAY WAS I HAVE MEDICAL EXAMS AND I KNEW!!! FUCKKKK YESSSS A RED HEADED BABY!!!

Can you imagine there is a whole episode where the class has to take care of the baby (for whatever reason) and all of them freaking out cause this baby is too precious and Alya coming in and saving the day and being like guys calm down. It’s all good. Nino fucking going soft trying to help Alya as best as he can. Marinette and Adrien never doing this before so both of them are super flustered and nervous! God I WOULD LITERALLY KILL FOR THAT EPISODE NOW HOLY SHIT!!!

Ok damn Kim really ain’t holding back like chill dude. He really just told the principal that the science teacher isn’t cool. You tell that to your friends not the fucking principal. You dumbass.

LILA IS HERE FUCK!!! God not only do I have to deal with Chloe’s bullshit but Lila’s too omg. Ok idk if it’s the website that I’m watching it in but their voices sound weird and I hope it’s just the website and not the actual episode.

Marinette shut the fuck up ADRIEN WAS TALKING BITCH!!! YOU INTERRUPTED HIM!!! Lmao nice save Marinette talking about the film to distract everyone from the fact that you like Adrien. GOD DAMNIT ADRIEN’S SOFT LOOK FUCK!!! HE LOVES HER SO MUCH BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW IT YET OMG!!! GOD DAMN!!! Lmao Lila’s face! Yeah fuck you Lila! Bitchass!

So Marinette is telling everyone that she is over Adrien. Alya isn’t falling for this bullshit! Love that. Marinette, why are you lying just ask them to help you move on. Like I can see the effort but I don’t understand why you are lying about it if you aren’t completely over him. Like bruh. ALEX REALLY SAID “No kidding” to when Marinette said that she was acting crazy. YES ALEX QUEEN! CALL HER OUT! Marinette saying that she just wants to be friends with him and not in love with him. (ARE WE FINALLY GETTING THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THAT WE ALL DESERVE HOLY SHIT IM LIVING!) Nope nvm she’s still on her bullshit. Did Alya just say that if Marinette will be ok with her and Adrien going to New York together because it may be too romantic. Like Bitch YOU GUYS LIVE IN PARIS! I'M SURE SHE WILL BE FINE!

FUCK YOU GABRIEL!! DIDN’T MISS YOU AT ALL YOU FUNKY ASS BITCH!!!

BRUH ANOTHER MIRACULOUS FOR REAL!!!

DAMN! Lmao Marinette trying to look tough that’s so funny to me! Who you trying to scare bitch cause you ain’t fooling anyone. Bruh Gabriel really friendzoned Marinette for Adrien lmao! Omg I love that. Fuck. I hate Gabriel so much.

I DIDN’T KNOW KIGMA WAS GOING TO BE IN THIS EPISODE!! YAY! EW WTF DID SHE JUST KISS HIM! ARE YOU KIDDING! WAIT WHEN DID THEY GET TOGETHER!! WTF! I DON’T REMEMBER THIS!

Marinette you are so annoying. Where’s Ladybug?! SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER! HOLY SHIT IT’S LADYBUG! OK BUT THAT SCENERY LOOKS SO ROMANTIC! Wait yeah both of them are going to New York like who is going to protect the city?! Oh shit nvm I’m a dumbass hawk moth is going too. Lmao! I’m an idiot! Ok BUT THAT WEIRD BUTTON THING IS ADORABLE OMG!!! AWWW! LIKE WTF!! I WANT ONE! BRUH HOW CAN SHE NOT LIKE CHAT NOIR WTF IS WRONG WITH HER!!! GODAMNIT!

Gabriel really said Surprise bitch to Adrien lmao. Damn poor Gorilla. I can’t believe he still doesn’t have a fucking name godamnit. Lmao I love plagg. Ew god damnit fuck you GABRIEL!

OMG LUKAAAAA! Marinette fucking date him already wtf. He is literally biking your stupid ass to catch up to the bus. GOD LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Marinette you always fucking ruin the moment fuck you. Fuck you. AGAIN LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Luka honey no don’t look at her like that you deserve better. Flashback to the perks of being a wallflower quote, “We accept the love we think we deserve” FUCK YOU BRAIN WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THIS!!

ALYA IS A TRUE FRIEND!!! Bro my friends would be laughing their ass off and making funny faces at the window instead of asking the teachers to stop the bus. HE WAS CARRYING HER SUITCASE TOO OMG! BRO LUKA HAS SOME STRONG ASS LEGS LIKE DAMN!!! Luka then says, “You know what’s important Marinette, that this trip gives you some clarity.” PLEASE GOD THAT SHE FALLS FOR CAT NOIR!!! PLEASE THAT SHE STARTS LIKING HIM!!! PLEASE! BITCH WHY KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK OMG WHY?! He likes you and you decide to kiss him on the cheek. Bro you are just making him fall for you more. Goddammit you are an idiot.

Bruh one look at Adrien and she becomes a tomato god damn. Am I being hard on Marinette cause she reminds me of me. NO WTF!!! Shut up! (At least I’m not a stalker or someone who gets obsessed with my crush in obnoxious ways.)

FUCK YOU CHLOE WE DIDNT WANT YOU TO COME YOU STUPID HOEEE!!!

I JUST REALIZED THIS IS A MOVIE!!! 12 minutes in and I just realized this is a movie. I AM AN IDIOT!!! God I’m so dumb lol. Ok this animation not gonna lie is kinda good.

He really yelled at Marinette in front of everybody in a plane huh. That’s so funny. Also he sounded like such a jock like wtf was that. Lmao Alya and Nino just looking at them like yessss our ship!!! (Alya and Nino are such a mood) This movie is literally like a fucking fan fiction. Adrien, “Oh yeah you’re sitting next to me!” Marinette fucking panicking. Omg this is literally a fanfic. I can’t! I love this omg. I LOVE ALYA SO MUCH OMG!!! Did Marinette just call Adrien her husband. YOU’RE LIKE 14 SHUT UP!!! PLEASE!!! How can you confuse husband with friend. Ok this just confirms that Marinette constantly daydreams to herself and tells herself that Adrien is her husband. Girl, GIRL YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM VERY WELL. SHE’S NOT EVEN IN LOVE SHE’S JUST FASCINATED WITH THE IDEA OF HIM. Ugh this is why I don’t like the idea of Marinette and Adrien or Ladybug and Adrien being together. Like she barely knows him and she counts that as love. Jesus. Lmao Gorilla has and will always ship Marinette and Adrien together. You can not change my mind.

Brooo if Marinette had a penis she would definitely have gotten a boner when Adrien fell on her. WHY IS MARINETTE LIKE THIS?! (Ok yes if my crush not that I have one but if I did I would probably do all the shit she is doing but I wouldn’t run away I would fucking just be in shock and freeze. Probably idk. THIS IS GIVING ME TO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ACT NORMAL FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.) Did Alya just say that “New York is the most romantic place in the world!” AGAIN YOU LIVE IN PARIS!!! OH SHIT NVM. I paused it too soon. She continues by saying, “After Paris obviously.” Ok my bad. Ok are we talking about the same New York cause New York isn’t that romantic. Then again what do I know. Marinette FUCK YOU!!! YOU COULD HAVE SAT WITH ADRIEN AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SIT WITH THE FUCKING PRINCIPLE. Lmao this is giving me fucking Spider-Man Far From Home flashbacks. Bro Adrien looks so disappointed. FUCK YOU MARINETTE! Bro gorilla is such a mood. Putting a 10 for both having a fear of flying and for needing relaxation. Wait why doesn’t he have eyebrows? I just realized that. I mean I knew but like I didn’t realize idk if that makes sense.

Dude the principal sleeping on Marinette THAT HAPPENED IN FAR FROM HOME!!! Wait a damn minute in Far From Home Peter lives in New York and goes somewhere in Europe (I forgot where) AND MARINETTE LIVES IN FRANCE AND SHE GOES TO NEW YORK!!! Not only that but these are both superhero movies and they are both in love with someone except here Marinette is trying to get over Adrien while Peter Parker was trying to win over MJ. OK SOMEONE ON THE CREATIVE TEAM LITERALLY WATCHED FAR FROM HOME AND SAID YES LET’S DO THIS BUT THE OPPOSITE. I CAN’T THIS IS SO FUNNY!

AWWWW Alya and Nino sleeping on each other IS EVERYTHING!!! I SHIP THEM SO MUCH!!! IVAN AND MYLENE TOO!!! THEY REALLY WANT TO KILL ME HUH!? WAIT ROSE AND JUELKA FUCK YESSS THE GAYS ARE WINNING!!! MY MULTISHIPPER HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH POWER ALL IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Dude I literally thought she said shit for a second I WAS LIKE WHAT?! But she said shoot. I really hope that’s not toilet water on her shirt. MARINETTE YOU HAVE A NAPKIN? OR TOILET PAPER ON YOUR HAIR?! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THERE?!

Awww the sunset is so pretty. And Adrien is going to come in 3 2 1. Right on time. Adrien, “It's beautiful isn’t it?” I’m expecting Marinette to say, “Yeah but so are you.” and immediately regretting afterwards. Nvm she trips on him instead. Should have seen that coming. Ok now they are looking out the window again. This frame would be so cute if she didn’t have that stupid Toilet paper in her hair. Bruh Adrien just stands next to her and doesn’t even mention the Toilet paper on her hair. Adrien be like, “Yup just me and my fashionista friend Marinette looking at the window. Oh she has a piece of toilet paper in her hair. Damn must be a new trend I don’t know about. That’s kinda sus cause I am a model but whatever she knows more about fashion then I do so it’s all good.” (Not an actual quote.) Damn Alya and Nino ship them so much. Ok but what a mood!

Adrien says, “You're always willing to take a chance on something or someone even when no one else is.” Yeah bruh it’s because she is ladybug, I mean come on how do you not realize. Adrien really smirked at her whole shit! Adrien continues by saying, “You got something Marinette.” Marinette asks, “Something?” WAIT HOLD UP ISN’T HE DATING KAGAMI!!! WAIT IS MARINETTE A HOMEWRECKER!!! I’m kidding. Ok not really. Wait is Adrien a cheater like what?! Adrien continues by saying, “Yeah there in your hair.” He grabs the fucking piece of toilet paper. I LITERALLY FORGOT IT WAS THERE AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING!!! GOD I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!

Alya is a mood, “I can’t decide if they are the cutest people I know or the most embarrassing.” Literally me whenever I watch Miraculous ladybug. Also this literally sounds like something fanfic Alya would say. Not canon Alya. But I really love how they let Alya say that. Good call team! Omg Nino continues with, “Yeah I love Adrien but he is like a baby chick that just started cracking out of his egg he has a hard time understanding the signals people send them.” THIS LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE A FANFIC AND I LOVE IT!!! OMG!!! I LOVE OPERATION NEW YORK OMG!!! YESSSSSSSS!!! ALYA AND NINO ARE LITERALLY OUR SAVIORS!!! GOD DAMN I LOVE THEM!!! ADRIEN HUGGED HER AWWWWW!!! I LOVE HIM!

THERE’S ANOTHER SUPER VILLAIN WTF!!! He really wants to kill the people huh. I mean he must be pure evil cause he literally is tearing the airplane apart. He really said: There's tons of people in this airplane huh. Welp I really need this technology so I guess they have to die!

DUDE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL? I can’t tell if she is a robot or a superhero! MAYBE BOTH!!! ALYA IS SUCH A SUPERHERO NERD I LOVE HER!!! OK this other girl superhero is literally captain marvel. She’s not Majestia (idk if that’s how you spell it) nah she’s captain marvel. LMAO WHEN CAPTAIN MARVEL MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE MLB MOVIE AND DOESN’T HAVE THE AUDACITY TO HELP OUT PETER PARKER IN HIS FIELD TRIP!! DAMN!!! SHE REALLY SAID FUCK YOU PETER! MLB FANDOM NEEDS ME MORE THAT YOU DO!! LIKE GURL PETER IS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN CAUSE HIS 3rd father figure died!!! Then again she is saving an airplane fool of people but I’m sure you could have made a quick stop to give Peter some advice but whatever.

God I hate the principal.

CAPTAIN MARVEL REALLY SAID I HAVE TO SAVE MY ROBOT WIFE FROM THAT BOMB!! And she fucking blew the bomb away from her face. DUDE THERE IS SO MANY NEW SUPERHEROES HOLY CRAP!!! Ok including the Captain Marvel and the robot there’s 2 more but that’s more than Paris soooooo. WAIT CAPTAIN MARVEL JUST CALLED HER ROBOT DARLING!!! I was joking, I didn’t think they were together. OK I SHIP IT! Captain Marvel, “Are you alright darling?” (Giving me Spinderella and Netasha vibes not gonna lie) STOPPED IT TOO SOON!!! ROBOT JUST CALLED CAPTAIN MARVEL HER MOTHER!!! ABORT ABORT SHIP!!! I regret making all the comments that I just have made. So ignore them. I no longer ship them. Aw they have such a quote MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP!!! They are hugging each other. Adorable.

Bruh Adrien and Marinette are talking openly to plagg and tikki like could you guys be more obvious. Like shut up.

So apparently there’s a superhero for everything in USA. Um I wish if there was USA wouldn’t be as shitty as it is now.

I love Nino and Alya, that's all I’m going to say.

Also the superheros have a code word for the French students and it’s literally ‘the little croissants’ I LOVE THAT OMG!!! WHO CAME UP WITH THAT CODE CAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!”

Ok turns out Robot girl can actually turn into a regular girl. SO THAT’S COOL!

How is it possible that Adrien and Marinette can’t figure out how the doors work like what?! Ok why the fuck is Adrien constantly catching Marinette every time she falls. Like he isn’t even close to her and he fucking races and catches her. Right he obviously doesn’t like her. Yup I definitely believe that bullshit.

Lmao the robot girl took one look at dumbass Marinette and stupidass Adrien and said, “Those 2 are made for each other.” That’s so funny. Ok robot girl is friends with a girl that has some weird ass earrings (dare I say lesbian). And they both are in school so I’m pretty sure they are the same age. SO I SHIP THEM!!! Grumpy girlfriend and super happy robot girlfriend. ADORABLE!

Lmao they are already going to a party bruh. They just got off of a plane and they almost died. And you’re telling me that they aren’t slightly jet lagged or even a little tired. Bruh come on.

DAMN SABRINA IS GONNA GET A LOVE INTEREST OKKKKKKKK!!! He literally winked at her and she went bright red. DAMN GURL GET IT!!! CHLOE FUCK OFF!!! SABRINA IS GONNA GO FLIRT WITH THE GUY AND NOT BE YOUR STUPID ASSISTANT!!! FUCK YOU!!! GOD DAMNIT CHLOE, SABRINA, MARINETTE AND ALYA ARE ROOMATES BRUHHHHH!!! (And they were roommates- OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES NOT NOW BRAIN PLEASE)

Bro the teacher looks at the hallway and nods cause she notices that all the lights are off in the room and no one is talking and she leaves. And immediately all the doors open and everyone is sneaking off to the party. BROOO THIS REMINDS ME OF NHI LOL!!! So the teacher suddenly pops out and asks what’s that noise and they all go into different rooms. The teacher doesn’t notice. And of course Marinette goes into the room with Adrien but on accident, and for a second I thought she was touching his pee pee but no she was just touching his lower stomach lol. They both look at each other and Marinette gets flustered and Adrien smiles softly at her. And she immediately gets away from him and they end up in the same room as ROBOT GIRL AND HER LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND!!! Robot girl is shipping them so hard while her girlfriend is glaring at them.

HER GIRLFRIEND CAN PLAY GUITAR YESSSSS!!!

SABRINA GO TO THE PARTY PLEASE!!! DITCH CHLOE!!! FLIRT WITH THE AMERICAN!!! THE AMERICAN IS FUCKING STANDING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!!! WAITING FOR HER OMG!!! He takes her hand AND TAKES HER TO THE ROOF PARTY!!! FUCK I SHIP THEM SO HARD!!!

Omg the dialogue in this movie is fucking amazing. Marinette says, “Is it a bird?” Adrien, “Is it a plane?” Sabrina’s soon to be boyfriend, “No IT’S HOT DOG DAN!” Like bitch why is the hot dog cart flying like wtf?! Dude is this how French people see Americans because you know what?! THAT SOUNDS about right. If USA ever gets superhero’s we PROBABLY WOULD HAVE A SUPERHERO WHO SERVES FUCKING HOT DOGS!!! Damn this movie is pretty fucking realistic. The Americans are fucking thirsty for some hot dogs they literally run over Adrien and Marinette like damn ok yes a lot of Americans like hot dogs but we aren’t animals. Turns out the hot dogs are magical. ROSE LITERALLY GOT SUPER STRENGTH AND WAS ABLE TO LIFT UP IVAN!!! QUEEN!!! AW Sabrina got long ass hair like Rapunzel but it’s brown for some reason.

There’s 2 hot dogs left and Nino take initiative and pays for the hot dog and says, “Not a problem. My girl and I can have one and you 2 can have the other.” Damn this really is a fanfic huh. Then again I doubt a fanfic would have them sharing a fucking magical hot dog. Lol! This movie is nuts. They ate the hot dogs (nvm they took a bite of the hotdog and they dropped it on the floor) and they started floating. They grab hands and they are trying not to freak out.

Meanwhile ALYA AND NINO ALL THE FUCKING GET IS THESE HIGH PITCHED VOICES LIKE BRUH. Also Nino ships them so much omg! BRUH HOT DOG DAN EVEN SHIPS THEM! I mean he doesn’t say anything he just looks at them and smiles.

Omg Alya asked Robot’s girlfriend to set the mood with a song! And Robot’s girlfriend is like yeah sure thing. This movie is surreal.

THE SONG IS LITERALLY THE SONG THAT THEY DANCED TOO AT CHLOE’S PARTY OMG!!! I can’t believe I remembered that.

Bruh Adrien literally just repeated what I typed. HE JUST ASKED MARINETTE IF SHE COULD DANCE WITH HIM!!! They are floating and the moon is shining bright on them (Nice job Yue; setting the scene for us I see) and he extends his hand. She starts floating backwards cause she’s freaking out (What a surprise 😒). He grabs her hand and brings her closer to him. WHAT FANFIC AUTHOR WAS ABLE TO GET A FUCKING HIGH BUDGET TO MAKE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE THIS DOESNT FEEL LIKE AN MLB EPISODE!!!

ALSO Marinette is looking at Adrien in a way that makes her look like a Tim burton cartoon character lol. SHE FINALLY GIVES IN AND DANCES WITH HIM IN FRONT OF THE MOON!!! (They aren’t even dancing to be honest they are literally just hugging each other really closely and spinning) BUT ITS ADORABLE SO I FORGIVE THEM!

Lmao they zoom out of the roof party and you just see in the fucking corner Kim and some other dude having a push-up contest. They showed that in the beginning when Alya, Nino, Marinette and Adrien were entering the party. I just wasn’t expecting that in this whole time Kim and the other guy still continued the push-up contest omg. (This is the first 29 minutes and my hand is tired sooo I’m not gonna write anymore)

If anyone wants me to continue I will but I doubt anybody is going to see this post so yeah! Anyway if someone actually read this PROPS TO YOU DUDE!!! HOPE I DIDNT WASTE YOUR TIME!!! HAVE A GOOD YEAR!!!

Edit: I think Robot girl and girl with weird earrings are sisters soooooo I don’t ship them anymore. (I’m honestly really confused are they siblings or not?!)

[claimingtheflame]

Lincoln Trail Mental Health Facility Part 1

Once again I want to reiterate that a lot of these posts are diaries I wrote never finished. Some of them jump around in my life. The story is about something that took place several years after D left

I remember the moment I turned in the paper. It was nothing. The last question asked my thoughts on the final death of Juliet. I sympathize. To this day I do. Many people probably do. She ended her life because she was in the grip of a mythic tragedy. Who could walk away from such a fate?

Except. Even though this is exactly how I felt, my teenage brain did not yet have the skills to articulate this. I ended up writing something like "I feel what juliet did was right. The world is ugly and filthy and who wants to live in it without someone you love." Because I was an edgy goth kid.

This would send me into the clutches of my own sort of tragedy. A brutal, destructive storm began churning that friday that would completely knock me out of my stupid unlaced combat boots on monday.

It happened like this. I walked into first period, Biology. I sat next to Adam, my closest friend. A knock came shortly after the period started and it turned out to be a senior girl who wanted me to be escorted to Mrs Mudds office. I did not know who that was. It turned out she was a counselor. She had coppery hair and a long, perky, somewhat simian face.

In this story, there is a long list of incompetant people who should not have had their jobs, and possibly should have been in prison. Mrs Mudd is not one of them. As much as I dislike her to this day. Maybe she did really mean well. Maybe she was just swept away by the drama of the whole situation. This is Elizabethtown KY after all.

We talked for a few hours. Looking back, I really don't think I said anything to her that should have been construed that I was depressed or suicidal. We talked about a secret place I visited in the woods behind my neighborhood. We talked about various religious beliefs and about music I listened to. Either way, my mom picked me up from school and I was somewhat excited for the break-in monotony.

We have drove to Lincoln Trail Behavioral Health Center , and I really didn't know what was happening. I had friends who had gone, but I didn't really believe that's why we were there until I saw the look on my mom's face as we walked in. There was a serious feeling of betrayal then. Like God woman haven't you put me through enough. This was an unfair thought. My mother is the second person blameless in the story. I would find out later that basically everybody from my school was telling her I was planning on killing myself quite literally. Mrs. Mudd had apparently told them that the place in the woods was my planned spot to die. I had self-harmed in the past. It was all pleasure related though and I thought it had nothing to do with my mental health. Either way it had been months prior to this, but it added to the Snowball Effect.

I'll admit that I didn't really understand my own mental health at this age. I had just been released from D's clutches only a few precious years earlier. I had no clue what was going on. I was going through a suspended childhood in many ways. All that said, Lincoln Trail Behavioral Health System did not help or address any my mental health issues. Let me reiterate. Aside from some experimental self harm 6 months prior(I received counseling, was evauted, etc), at age 15 I was pretty well behaved. I rarely got in trouble. I certainly never acted disturbed. Lincoln helped nobody who actually went there. In fact I barely escaped with my life and sanity. This is not a dramatic statement. This was a terrible place, as you will learn.

I was obviously scared the moment I walked into this place, all the stories I heard. We were buzzed through a security door after a few accusatory last looks at my mother when I went in quietly. I heard if you resisted or yelled that they gave you a shot in your ass of some kind of sedative. I did not want to give anybody the satisfaction roughing up the goth kid and shooting them in the ass. This was a short-lived Triumph. I would learn quickly that this place was not for me and that there was some horrible mistake pretty early on . I was led to a room and told to take off my clothes down to my underwear. I was told to turn around in front of this guy, who nodded with approval after watching and told me to put back on my clothes. I was wearing really baggy SpongeBob boxers. I guess I could have gotten away with hiding something into the facility. That's the thing. I wasn't a f****** delinquent. Not yet or not anymore depending on how you look at the chronology of things I did as a teenager. Anyway I do remember a kind moment here. The guard escorted me down a hallway and a girl smiled at me brightly. "It's really not that bad here." She said. I smiled and shrugged. This was more of a kind gesture than I realized, I would find this out later.

I was then led to the office of the first real fuckup in this story. This would be my counselor. I don't remember her name. She was somewhat nice to begin with. I'll call her mrs. Wannabe because later she would read a bunch of poems about her Native American ancestry. This extremely blond, blue-eyed woman with a square German face and freckles. Me and Wannabe would talk for about 30 minutes and she would send me on to my actual psychiatrist. I do remember this man's name. I will never forget it. His name was dr. Kodali. We can call him King fuckup. Fuckup prime.

He was a small man, with a small mustache, and skin the color between a beet and a russet potato. He spoke in broken English. He asked me why I thought I was there. I told him about the paper I wrote. He smiled and said " yes we all say things we don't mean. " he asked me if I follow the rules at home. I said yes as long as they are within reason. He laughed at me and said " my own daughter thinks several of my rules are not within reason. Children come to learn to obey. " we did not talk about depression, and this statement would turn out to be significant in many ways. It would come to outline the failure of this institution to children who actually suffered depression. Which I will admit that back then I might have been suffering from. Certainly anxiety. But who doesnt, to some degree?

Let us frame our Shit Pit King with what I didnt know about him before I explain my own experiences. He received kickbacks for pushing certain medicines. This is an important detail. He had been accused on several occasions of over-prescribing meds. He was widely hated as a doctor, and I can't believe he still has a job.

During my first visit, he was mostly dismissive. Interrupted me and laughed at me often. He was mostly interested in my behavior. If I acted up. If I respected authority. Literally nothing about suicide was discussed. So why did this guy prescribe meds at the end of our conversation? He picked up the phone, called my mother, and gave her the dosage information. I narrowly escaped this medicine, whatever it was, due to a surprising hero figure in the story who we will discuss later.

He dismissed me and I was sent to "group" for the first time. This is nothing like "support groups" you see in Lifetime movies. It was a huge room, an obnoxious amount of desk chairs crammed in a circle. Boys on one side. Girls on the other.

I immediately dislike this. It feels tense, and I feel scrutinized. I try to ask a girl near me if I can use one of her pencils. She folds her arms and rolls her eyes. " I can't talk to him." She says to the ceiling. This gets the attention of the counselor of the group, who is actually just an early 20-somethings aide of some kind, there are a few of these. This one I call Nick neckbeard. He says " we are here to work on our problems, not to date. " I am immediately embarrassed. I definitely wasn't trying to date anybody. I let it go but it does set the tone.

Since I am the new kid, a round of introductions is done. Not a lot of these people are notable other than the fact that a lot of them are in here for drugs. Some are in here as an in-between stage between Juvenile Detention and Society. I get the distinct feeling that most of the boys are here for drugs and violent crime. I reflect bitterly that I am in here for writing a stupid paper.

There are several thug wannabe types, maybe two or three other white guys that aren't like that. One obvious skinhead as well. It's split in half racially. Five white Boys & 5 black. There was a round of introductions. Most were there for, as mentioned, substance abuse and violent behavior. The skinhead boasted of being in because he stuck foreign objects in his body. He stabbed himself with pens and various utensils. Another boy was in for desecrating graves. The girls were almost exclusively substance abuse. There was one Arab girl that was in there, and though she talked much I never quite understood why except that I knew she definitely needed to be in there. She either talked incessantly of sex or repeatedly told this story about a "bad doll" that lived in her house- all in broken english.

So this was the introduction to the place. Honestly yes, I would have problems with the other patients. That's really out of the scope of the story though. They are mental patients. What do you expect?

The true problem with Lincoln trail was its staff and overall structure. Such a problem was this structure that it would break me down to that kernel of a child you see on all the other stories on this blog. Such that Lincoln trail would reduce me again to that boy child whispering a question to the darkness: "Why am I being punished?" It would make me know, through recognition and reinforcement of abusive themes I was already familiar with, that I was not in a safe place.

The first night I felt this first blow through humiliation and guilt. It was a simple thing really. We were sent to bed. A corridor with a small basket on the outside of each door. A female counselor was pointing each of us down the hall to our rooms. When my time came, she pointed vaguely down the hall to the right side. I tried to ask for clarification and she shouted "Right there!" And my immediate reaction to being chastised like this was to go to one of the rooms with my belongings. She did not stop me.

I noticed one of the wooden bed frames(they were double rooms with single bathrooms) had no mattress. My roommate was a boy my age. He had close-buzzed haircut. He seemed politely surprised. I shrugged and got in the shower. When I turned the water off, I heard yelling on the other side of the door.

The boy was yelling angrily that he did not know who I was and that he had nothing to do with me. He was explaining that I came into his room unbidden and to no fault of his own. I dressed quickly and came out of the bathroom as soon as possible. A middle-aged blond woman grabs me by the arm and began leading me out of the room. When I asked her where we were going she did not say anything but tightened her grip and sat me down in a chair. This woman becomes important later. Five minutes later Dr kodali came into the office with my other counselor, both looking at me sternly.

I apologize for not knowing the exact words of the conversation. Basically the boy was supposed to have his room to his self. He was gay and had been known to have had sexual contact with other patients. They grilled me hard about whether or not I was gay and deciding whether I should be disciplined. Dr kodali somehow remembers that that my girlfriend had given testimony(positively) over my mental health and he seemed to leave it at that. The blonde lady didnt seem convinced.

When she led me back to my(actual) room, she took the liberty of going through my clothes and belongings. She confiscated basically all of my clothing, saying that it would distract patients(black jeans and tees...none of my flashier stuff). She confiscated my copy of Cannery Row, all my homework, and my shampoo. She really let off on me while doing this. Talking about how sneaky I was and if I was planning anything with Chester(the gay guy) that she would know.

This was Day 1. I would kneel beside the bed that night and pray(I just prayed to 'the goddess' back then), just to feel peace inside. I was so put-upon about the stupid clothes. They were my armor, in a way.

The next day would be a lot worse. I'd learn a lot.

[let-it-raines]

I was reading this "ex prompt list" and while I want you to write all of them, I really liked this one: "You talk about me in your new song and I get mad over it, so I’m standing outside your apartment door to argue, only to see you open the door half naked." Thank you, darling! You're a gift!

She’s on her way home from work when she hears it. Listening to the radio isn’t something she does, not anymore, but her car can’t connect to her phone’s Bluetooth and she forgot the aux cord, so it was either the radio or silence.

She probably should have stayed in silence.

Because for the first time in three months, for the first time since she was in Target and heard one of his songs over the speakers, she hears his voice.

And she hates it.

But she apparently hates herself a little bit more because she doesn’t change the station or turn the radio off. She doesn’t recognize the opening chords to this song. She recognizes the chords to every song. She knows all of the lyrics, all of the rifts and pauses. She knows everything.

But she doesn’t know this one.

It’s quiet, sullen, the usually prominent instruments muted in the background so that his voice comes through as clearly as possible. It takes her thirty seconds and two references of a swan flying away – really subtle there, Jones – for her to realize that the song is about her. She has to pull over to the side of the road, making several different cars blare their horns at her, but she can’t…she can’t listen to this while driving. She can’t hear him sing a song that’s clearly about their break up. She has to listen, but she can’t do anything else.

She can barely breathe.

He sounds broken. But she knows that’s on purpose. He records those songs a million times over, until he gets them exactly how he wants them to be, so she knows that he’s manufactured it this way. She’s watched him record enough songs to know how things work.

How dare he do this.

How dare he put their private life out there for anyone with ears to hear.

Hot tears sting behind her eyes, and she has to bury her face in her hands while her throat constricts, emotion lodging itself there and making her feel as if she has to vomit. Or as if she can’t breathe. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything.

All she knows is that she misses him. She misses Killian.

But right now she hates him for making her relive their breakup, for making her relive the agony that was the weeks and months of separation that inevitably led them to walking away from each other.

Or maybe it was her.

She’s not sure. If anything, it’s all a blur of tears and alcohol, sobs wracking her body while she was unable to feel anything but pain. She’d waited so long to find someone who understood her, who wanted to be with her with no reservations, who wouldn’t leave. But then he had left. It had been for work. She knows this. She understands this. Despite everything, she wants nothing more than for him to be happy and to follow his dreams. She just wishes it didn’t come at the expense of them.

She just wishes she’d been strong enough to handle the months of separation and the way that their schedules never matched up, the way that they were constantly missing each other when they tried to call.

The song ends and immediately something happy, upbeat plays through her speakers. She’s having some kind of meltdown on the side of the road, and the world keeps going by. Cars continue to drive by, shaking her bug with their momentum, and the song that’s about one of the worst periods of her life is quickly forgotten and replaced by something about…dancing in a club. It’s literally just about dancing.

She lets out a watery chuckle, the emotion that was lodged in her throat clearing the slightest bit so that she can breathe. Was she not breathing? She might not have been breathing.

Now that she can breathe again, she inhales, sucking her chest in before letting out a gush of air in an attempt to calm herself. In her review mirror she can see that her face is red and splotchy, that her eyes are still watery, and she has to wipe away the snot that’s formed at her nose.

It’s as she’s rubbing her eyes, trying to clear her vision, that all of the sadness starts to twist, transforming into something else entirely. She’s pissed. Absolutely pissed. And she can’t help but think of her earlier thoughts when the song first started playing.

How dare he do this to her.

How dare he write that song and put it on the radio.

Before she knows it, she’s putting her car in drive, looking over her shoulder to make sure the road is clear, before she’s pulling off of the dirt and onto the pavement, speeding down the road in the direction of Killian’s apartment instead of toward hers, driving in the direction of the place where she lived for so long. She knows he’s home, that he’s in town. And she only knows this because David still talks to him, still talks about him, and she overheard David talking to Mary Margaret about Killian being home for the next few weeks and how they’re going to go out for a pint to catch up.

She knows the path to his apartment better than she knows the path to her own, a right here followed by another until it’s a straight shot to the parking garage underneath his building. She still has her sticker, the one that lets her inside. She never could get the damn thing off.

But now it’s useful as she pulls into an empty guest space, hastily getting out of the car and slamming the door shut as she makes her way over to the elevator, hoping that the code hasn’t changed and she can still get inside. It’s only two minutes before she’s standing in front of his door, the momentum and adrenaline propelling her hand forward until she’s banging on the wood so roughly that her hand might actually hurt.

She hurts.

Every bit of anger, of malice, of disappointment that she has is on the tip of her tongue, posed to be spit at him as soon as she sees him, but then the door is swung open and she sees him for the first time in…shit. It’s been five months. It’s been three months since she heard his voice in Target, but it’s been five months since she’s seen him.

And he’s now standing in front of her with his hair damply falling across his forehead, water trailing down the hair of his chest, and the words of his tattoo peeking up over the white towel he has slung across his hip.

Fuck.

She doesn’t have any other words, especially as his fists clench and the muscles in his arms strain while his jaw ticks. He’d look surprised when she first showed up, his lips parting before closing, almost as if he had something he wanted to say. But now he looks angry, a storm raging behind his eyes, and all she can think about is the time that they went to Bermuda for their anniversary and spent the entire week either in bathing suits, a towel, or nothing at all.

“What are you doing here, Swan?”

There’s no anger in his voice though. It’s calm, even, and it’s that fact that gets her back on track. He sounded broken in the song. He’s obviously not broken like she is.

“How dare you write that song,” she spits, trying to keep her voice just as steady, knowing that she’s failing. “You just put our life, my life, out there for everyone to hear.”

“No one knows it’s about you.”

“I do! I know! Our friends know! Everybody goddamn knows! I’m driving down the road on my way home from work, trying to live my life, trying to move on, and I just have everything that I’m trying to forget thrown back in my face like that.”

“Love – ”

“Don’t call me that,” she cries, hating how her voice cracks. She shouldn’t have done this. She shouldn’t have come. She should have never let her emotions drive her, but that’s always what’s she’s done. She’s never been one to be able to hold back when she really feels. “I am not your love. You’ve made that very clear.”“Swan,” he grits, crossing his arms over his heaving chest, “if you want to yell at me, come inside. I have neighbors, and I don’t think we want them witnessing this.”

She huffs, disbelief that he’s actually inviting her inside so that she can continue this emotional breakdown, but her feet still carry her inside, her eyes glancing over the apartment the moment she gets inside. It all looks exactly the same.

She hates that it all looks the same.

Something should have changed.

All of her stuff is gone.

She’s gone.

Something should have changed.

She turns around to look back at Killian, who’s locking the door behind him before running his hands through his damp hair, pushing it back on his forehead, before he’s rubbing his fingers over his scruff. She hates how good he looks almost as much as she hates that that’s what she’s focusing on.

“Why are you here?” he sighs, the indignation he had replaced with acceptance. “The song? You’re mad about the song?”

“Of course I’m mad about the song. How could I not be? Have you heard it?”

“I wrote it. And in case you’ve forgotten, I have dozens of other songs about you, nearly every one of them on a record somewhere. You never seemed pissed about those then.”

“We weren’t broken up then.”“Well whose bloody fault is that? Because it’s not mine. I didn’t want to break up.”

“You think I wanted to break up?” she screams, not caring about staying calm while her entire body heats, her skin feeling overly warm and her head throbbing while her heart pounds. “You think I wanted to be having breakdowns on the side of the road because I can’t handle reliving parts of our relationship. You think I wanted to be the girl who sat at home and cried every time you didn’t pick up the phone? Every time you had to go one minute into our conversation? Every time I went out with my friends and heard your voice on the speakers at a bar when I hadn’t actually heard your voice in days? You think I wanted that?”

She can’t…she can’t breathe again, her heart beating far too quickly in her chest. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t good. She needs…she needs to sit down. So she does, collapsing to the ground and resting her back against his hallway wall while she wraps her arms around her knees and lets herself have another breakdown.

Who the hell needs dignity?

“Emma,” Killian sighs, and that only makes things worse. He never calls her Emma, not unless something is important, and she hates herself for this entire situation. She hates that he is able to still have this power over her, that she still loves him so much that she can’t fathom the fact that she’s not with him.

“Emma,” he repeats, kneeling down next to her, his towel opening as he squats, which really doesn’t help the situation at all. “Are you okay?”

“Do you think I’m okay?”

“No.” His thumb reaches up and wipes away the tears on her cheek. That’s the first time she’s felt his touch in five months too. And it’s also what makes her look up to see that he’s got a tear falling onto his cheek too. “I’m sorry, lo – Swan. I’m sorry that you heard the song and that it hurt you.”

“Why’d you write it then? You had to know that I’d hear it eventually.”

“Because I hurt too. Music is how I deal with things. You know this. You’ve always known this. And how the hell else am I supposed to deal with my heartbreak?”

“By writing the damn song and then not putting it on the radio.”

“I had to fulfill my contract. I had to release a new single.”

“Don’t you have another one? One that’s not about us?”

“No.”

She sighs, leaning her head back against the wall and tightly closing her eyes all while she physically aches. She aches for them to be back to normal, aches for this to not be happening anymore. She should have never come here.

“How long are you home?”

“What?” he stutters, his voice visibly shaken.

She opens her eyes and looks back at him, attempting to even her breaths. “How long are you home this time? How long until you have to leave again?”

“A few weeks. I’ve got to go back and meet with the guys for a couple of days at the end of September.”

She doesn’t know why she does what she does next, but before she can stop herself, before she can think straight, she leans forward and slides her lips over his in a harsh, demanding kiss. Her hands are in his hair in an instant, using the soft strands to tug him closer, and his hands find her face, the warmth and roughness of the pads of his fingers holding her to him as well. It’s like being connected, like being right, after so many months of not feeling like herself, of feeling like something in her life is off kilter.

Like something is wrong.

She doesn’t care that they shouldn’t be doing this. She doesn’t care that she shouldn’t be pushing Killian against the floor, the hardwood uncomfortable under her knees, and she doesn’t care that she’s losing her mind over the way that Killian’s groaning into her mouth and thrusting his hips up against hers, the towel doing nothing to hide his arousal.

And she really doesn’t care when they stumble away from the entrance of his apartment and fall back into his bedroom, quickly and surely moving against each other in the way that they always have. He feels good, fantastic, and she knows she should never be thinking about she and Killian together when they’re very obviously having a relapse, a collapse back into the them they used to be.

So she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t let herself not enjoy this, but she can’t speak, she can’t return Killian’s words of ecstasy and affection while he moves inside of her and above her. She simply falls into how good, how right, this feels, and figures that she’ll…she’ll figure it all out later.

It turns out when later comes that she’s still not ready to figure it out. She still doesn’t know what to do. Instead of getting up and leaving when they were finished, she didn’t. She stayed. She’s not sure that she had the strength to leave, that she even wanted to, so now she’s wrapped up in one of Killian’s sweaters while her legs are stuck in between his and his hands are trailing through her hair. She feels his heartbeat under her palm, the slow rise and fall of his chest a rhythm that she knows better than any other.

A rhythm that she knows better than any song he’s ever written.

“Sex doesn’t solve our problems, Swan. You know that, right?”

“I know,” she confesses, snuggling closer to him despite everything. “I don’t…we shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t even still be here. I’m not sure what came over me, over us.”“A hell of a lot of emotions.” She feels his lips against her forehead, the sweat that’s gathered there being pushed away. “We’ve got…there’s a lot left between us, love. There was never anything wrong between us, I don’t think. I just wasn’t there.”

“That’s kind of what went wrong. You can’t be in a relationship without being there.”

“But it’s not us. It was the distance, my job.”

“Which is your dream.”

“Aye, it was my dream,” he confirms softly, running his fingers through her hair and down her back. “It is my dream. But I should have never let it come between us. You’ve been my life for half a decade. You have been there for absolutely everything, and I should have tried harder, should have done more.”

“I don’t think there was anything either of us could have done.”

“I could have made more time to call. I could have scheduled breaks between cities. I could have booked a flight for me, for you. I could have done so much to save us, to make you feel less alone.”

“Killian, this isn’t all on you.”

“No, no, it’s not, but I’ve had five months of living alone, even when I wasn’t here, to think about all of the things I could have changed.”

“Me too,” she sighs, lifting her head from his chest and untangling her legs before she moves to the other side of the bed, putting distance between them all the while Killian rubs his hand up and down his face trying to work out the stress lines. “I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either. Do you even want to try again? Or are we chalking this up to a one-time thing? To a fallback?”

For the first time since she’s shown up here, he sounds as broken as he did during the song. He sounds like she feels, like there’s something missing, something just out of reach. He sounds…he doesn’t sound like Killian. Not the one that she knew. Not the one who woke her up in the mornings with a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes. Not the one who sang while he cooked, often burning the food because he would start writing down the beginnings of a song.

He doesn’t sound like the man who loved her.

The man who she loves.

“I don’t want it to be that,” she answers honestly, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees. “But I can’t go back to how we were…what do you want?”

“You.”

A shiver runs down her spine, gooseflesh popping up on her skin.

“That’s all. You just want me?”

“Always, Emma,” he promises, his lips ticking up on the right and the lines around his eyes crinkling while his tongue clicks. “But you’re right. We can’t…I can’t leave like that. I can’t do things just for me without considering you. And you can’t let me just do it and say that things are okay.”

“I kind of figured you knew things weren’t okay.”

“You’ve never lied to me, so I didn’t expect it then. I always believed the words that you said.”

“So what are we doing, Killian? What do we do?”

He shrugs, sitting up against the headboard. “We try again. We make compromises. We do better. For ourselves. For each other. And maybe I don’t put a song out without letting you know.”She smiles, the first genuine smile without heartbreak hidden behind it, for the first time today. Maybe for the first time in months.

“I’d like that.”

It takes more than one day for things to get back to normal. It takes weeks, months really. Killian was a constant part of her life for five years, but after nearly half a year apart, things don’t simply snap back. Trust has to be rebuilt, routines have to become routine again, and she has to learn that things are never going to be perfect and that compromise is a hell of a lot harder than simply saying the word. You actually have to break and bend, give and give up, but it’s worth it if you want to make things work.

She wants to make things work.

Killian does too.

And the next time she hears a song on the radio that’s about her, Killian’s voice isn’t broken. And neither is her heart.

[lexinthelibraryofdreams]

Enemies To Lovers

Imagine:  Friends/Enemies to lovers

Pairing: Theseus Scamander x Reader

Words: 3667

A/N: Week two, day six of the Leather and Lace + You Keep Me Warm Romance Event. Did this get out of hand? Yes. Do I care? Barely. Hope you enjoy. If anyone wants to request a character, feel free to do so :)

Warnings: none, I believe. If you want me to add anything, feel free to tell me :)

#

The first time you met Theseus Scamander, you immediately hated him. In your opinion, he wasn’t suited to be the head of your department and from the first meeting on he seemed to return your feelings. You barely left the office, stuck to your neck in paperwork he assigned to you. 

The more time went on, the more he seemed to ignore your requests to actually hire a secretary if he wanted one and allow you to do your job. You were getting frustrated with your job but were also too prideful to quit, which you assumed was what he wanted. 

#

“Sir,” you greeted him after entering his office with the finished reports again. He didn’t even bother looking up and you closed your eyes for a moment to center yourself. With more force than necessary, you put down the stack of papers on his desk. “Look, if you won’t even bother to greet me, at least don’t insist on having me deliver the reports personally. Then you don’t have to ignore me.”  You knew how disrespectful you sounded but you were past caring. He wouldn’t get rid of you unless he would forcibly remove you from the office.

Now he looked up. You only stared back, setting your jaw stubbornly. “I do not appreciate you tone, Miss Y/L/N,” was the only thing he said and you had to mentally hold back to not hex him. Straightening your back, you replied, “Well, I do not appreciate being degraded to your secretary when I should be out there and support my colleagues in the field. I know that I have the skills to perform the tasks of an actual auror, so I don’t see why you insist on holding me in the office.” He reached forward and took the papers you had brought him. “It is my decision to make who to send out and who to keep back. If you wish to keep your position, do not question my decisions any further,” he replied, the waved towards you. “You are dismissed.” A part of you wanted to argue but instead you abruptly turned on you heel and exited the office, throwing the door close in your anger. You ignored the few eyes on you as you made your way back to your desk. The few people that were actually here and not on the hunt for Grindelwald and his followers weren’t benched like you, they simply finished off reports from missions. Reports that would inevitably end up on your desk the next morning. One day you would probably snap and light them on fire the instance they arrived. 

#

A woman entered the office but you ignored her presence. At least, you tried until she stepped up to your desk. Hesitantly you looked up with a blank look, trying to look as busy and interrupted as you could. “Do you need anything?” you asked, not bothering with a greeting. You had seen her before, she was part of some other department in the Law Enforcement. She seemed to be friends with Scamander, considering they often spent their breaks with each other.

Now she looked down on you with an unreadable expression. “Could you ask Mr Scamander if he has time? I wanted to talk to him.” You raised an eyebrow at her. “Sorry, Lady, but I’m not his bloody secretary. He just punishes me for existing with having to read over reports he is too busy for. Someday he’ll probably ask for a coffee. For all I care, he could burst into flames right now and I wouldn’t be bothered at all. Anything else?”

She looked a little taken aback at your hostility towards your boss but only thanked you and wordlessly retreated to his office. 

#

Later you learned that the woman was none other than Leta Lestrange, his fiancée. That outburst would probably fall back onto you but you were past caring.

#

“Y/L/N,” he said, approaching your desk. You plastered on a sweet smile and waited for him to ask whatever he wanted. “Go get your coat, you’re accompanying me.” It was almost embarrassing how quickly you got to your feet, slipping into your coat and following him wordlessly. Though you wondered what caused the sudden change but you wouldn’t test your luck with asking about it.

In the lobby you met up with several other aurors, the head of the Department of Law Enforcement and - of course - Leta Lestrange. You only gave her a semi-politely nod before listening to Travers. 

After the short briefing, you followed them outside and disapparated. The bridge leading to the castle was still like you remembered it and a nostalgic feeling welled up inside you. Your happiest memories all were bundled in the place but you knew you weren’t here for fun.

#

Interrogating Dumbledore went as well as you expected. He stayed polite but passive, not wanting to join the war that was inevitably coming. Or maybe it was already waging, it was hard to tell with how blurred the lines were. 

As you turned to leave, he called out to both you and Scamander. You were at the door already, looking at him expectantly. He warned you, should Grindelwald call for his followers to assemble, that you shouldn’t interrupt. 

On your way to the bridge, you walked next to Scamander, both of you silent. You admired Dumbledore for defending his point despite the pressure against him. You looked at your boss who seemed lost in thought. “Will you follow his advice?” He shrugged lightly. “I don’t know yet.”  You met up with the others again. It occurred to you that that was literally the first conversation between you without any malice behind it. Admittedly, it felt good.

#

Your next stop was Paris. Despite the urgency of the situation, you looked around to take in at least some of the sights. “First time in Paris?” Scamander asked suddenly and you looked at him before nodding. There still were more negative feelings between one another but since your visit in Hogwarts, you offered a less hostile stand, being more passive in your dislike of him.  If he noticed it, he didn’t comment on it.

#

“Where’s Scamander?” Travers asked and you only shrugged. “Why does everybody expect I know where he is at any given time? I’m not his secretary,” you replied, a little on the edge because even Travers was under the impression.  At least he looked more bewildered than offended by your harshness, then ordered for you to go and find him. You tried your hardest not to roll your eyes and trailed off to search and ask around.

In the end you found him locked in a room and tied to a chair. “Mr Scamander, what a coincidence to meet you here,” you said, leaning against the doorframe. When he stopped struggling to look up, you couldn’t hide a gleeful grin. “Looks like you’re in some kind of situation. Once you’re done here, Travers is searching for you.”  You turned around to leave, when you heard him struggle some more. “Y/L/N, wait!” he called out and you feigned hesitation. A heavy sigh sounded from behind you, followed by a “Please. I need your help.”

When you faced him again, you wore a big smile. “Really? I wouldn’t have noticed. I mean you normally got everything under control.” He made a face at you. “What do you want so no one will hear about this?” You raised an eyebrow at him and decided to test your luck. “An explanation and for you to get an actual secretary, so I can finally do my job. Maybe, if you’re feeling generous, even an apology but I’m not greedy.”

He sighed again, looking defeated. “It was your father. When he resigned, he requested for you be kept off the field. I know you’re more than capable but he is a scary and influential man, even if he has retired and I did not want to risk my career for that.” He paused and you thought about it. It made sense. Still, he did not have to be so unpleasant about it.  “I’m sorry,” he added and he seemed to mean it. You exhaled, then waved your wand and the rope fell to the ground. “Thank you for being honest. Though I’m still kind of angry you wouldn’t have told me without blackmail. That’s not a good way to keep up a professional relationship.” He stood up and straightened out his jacket. “I know. And I meant it when I apologize. I’ll try to be more open about your father’s requests in the future.”

“Appreciated,” you replied and followed him back to Travers.

#

You had tried to remind him Dumbledore’s words but he had just waved it off. “If you don’t think you can handle it, stay here,” he had said and you adamantly shook your head.

Now you stood there, watching in horror as blue flames devoured colleagues in front of you. Even though you were standing at a good distance to it, you could feel the burning heat on your exposed skin as if you were standing in it. Screaming from one side caught your attention and you saw Scamander as he tried to get to his fiancée. His brother was by his side, trying to drag him away from the flames when they burned the woman to ash. He was screaming and fighting against the grip, so you bolted down the stairs and grabbed him by the arm. “There is nothing you can do Scamander. We have to leave. Don’t let her sacrifice be a lost cause!” you yelled at him and that seemed to get to him a little. You made it out of the mausoleum barely as blue flames burst through the openings and burned everything in their path. Your hand was still wrapped around his upper arm when you were joined by an old, sickly looking wizard.

The circle around the graveyard was quickly formed and once you claimed your position, you drove your wand into the ground with a yell. A golden line formed on the ground and you watched as the flames were encased by the ward and orange flames until they were dragged into the building and finally snuffed out.

#

You stood next to your boss on the bridge as you watched his brother talk to Dumbledore. “He was right,” the man said and you looked at him. It was one of the few things he had said after watching Leta die and even though you still didn’t really like him, even you would try to be nice. “What do you mean?” He gestured towards Dumbledore. “He warned us. You were there. You tried to remind me but I brushed it off because Travers told me so. We never should have entered that mausoleum.” You hesitated, then placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I did warn you but even I couldn’t have imagined that. It wasn’t your fault. She made her own decisions.” You looked out towards Hogwarts. So many students behind the wall didn’t know what had happened only hours ago. Since the obscurial joined Grindelwald, you wouldn’t even deem this place safe and there was hardly anything better protected. “A lot will change, I suppose,” he said, following your gaze. You hummed in agreement, then added, “A lot already has.”

Your little group disbanded, one by one of those that were left walking past the wards and vanishing into thin air. You turned to follow and to your surprise he fell into step next to you. “What are you going to do now?” he asked, hands shoved into his pockets and eyes focused on the stones below them. You shrugged. “Get some rest. Grief those we lost. And when it is called for, fight. That means, if I’m allowed to leave the office now, sir,” you replied and noticed the ghost of a smile cross his lips.

“I can hardly bench my best auror now, can I?” he said and you gave him a firm smile before disapparating.

#

The next time you stepped into the office, it had changed. Some tables had been cleared which tightened a knot in your stomach. Another desk had been set up before Scamander’s office. A woman was sitting at it, avidly reading over some papers. She looked up and gave you an easy smile as you approached. “Ah, you must be Miss Y/L/N. I’m Priscilla Selpie, Mr Scamander’s new secretary and assistant. He asked me to send you inside once you were here.”

You thanked her with a nod and a smile then entered after knocking. “So you actually listened to me,” you said instead of greeting him and he looked up. “Good morning to you, too. And you actually still don’t care for politeness.” He rounded his desk and leaned against it. You doubted that he had slept much since your return from Paris, judging from his messy hair, his pale face and the very noticeable bags under his eyes. Even his suit jacket had creases where they didn’t belong, completely untypical.

“You know, maybe you should listen to another advice of mine and try to take some time off. You just lost someone, it is understandable,” you said and he shook his head. “I got restless at home. It was bad. This way I can keep busy and distract myself. And try to find the man who is behind all of this.” You looked at the picture of Leta Lestrange on his desk and he followed your gaze. “You hated her, didn’t you? At least, that’s what she thought.” Now it was your time to shake your head. “No, I hated you. I felt really more indifferent towards her than anything else. Admittedly, I was wondering a little how she could love an ass like you but now that I’ve seen some other sides of you... She seems less of a lunatic and more of a normal woman with a type.”

A fond smile crossed his face. “So, hated? Past tense?” You rolled your eyes at him. “That does not mean that I like you, Scamander but... let’s just say that my feelings towards you are neutral. I hope that’s enough for now.” Still, your tone wasn’t harsh. You did have more than enough time to think about what happened and what he told you and in the end he was deemed potentially likeable. Maybe, in the near future, you could even become friends.

He looked at you for a moment, then nodded. “For now.”

#

And friends you did become. It was two years after the graveyard and you knew that he wouldn’t have it easy today. You greeted Priscilla who smiled at you cheerily and entered the office without knocking. “Alright, Scamander, time for dinner.” Even though he had asked you along the way to use his first name, you refused to do so, just because of how much it annoyed him. Still, it was different than before, spoken with at least 40% more fondness and 75% less irritation. Of course, those numbers varied from day to day.

He didn’t look up. “I’m not really in the mood for dinner” You didn’t bother and forcibly closed the book he was reading, staring down at him. “Well, then you better get in the mood quickly because we are going. You have no say in that. I’m not going to let you gloom in your office for the rest of your day only to end it with a bottle of bourbon. I watched that last year.” He leaned back and rubbed across his neck, clearly tense from looking down the entire time. “I don’t see you barge into my brother’s house to invite him to dinner,” he replied and you raised your eyebrows at him. “Well, Newt has a friend and a nice American lady by his side, so he doesn’t need me but you do, so get up before I hex you.” He reluctantly did, whether because of your reasoning or your threat was unsure but irrelevant.

He followed you out the building and towards a cozy muggle restaurant close to the ministry. “Why aren’t we going somewhere... uh...” You grinned as he struggled with finding the right word, then interrupted him. “Because you need a break from magic and everything that comes with it. So we’ll eat at a muggle place.”

#

Despite his original hesitation, he seemed to enjoy both the food and the surroundings. Afterwards, you insisted on taking a walk. He walked beside you for a while without saying anything. “I should probably go home... I don’t want to bother you for longer.” You gave him a pointed look and he almost helplessly lifted his shoulders. “Scamander, I already said I’m not going to let you drink your sorrow away. At least not alone. Now come one, I have some drinks at my place.” You offered him your arms and when he put his hand on it, apparated you both to your place. He looked around, the first time he set foot into your flat.

“Take a seat,” you offered and he sat down on your sofa while you retrieved the bourbon and two glasses, placing them on the coffee table and filling them.

#

In the end, he slept on your sofa after pouring his heart out to you in a less-than-sober state. Whatever he had told you, you would keep it to yourself, you decided.

#

On the third anniversary you repeated it. Again, he stayed on your sofa for the night and you woke him up the next morning with a strong coffee. He sat at you dinner table while you prepared some breakfast and seemed to watch you. “How personal did I get?” he asked after a while and you laughed a little. “Even more than last time.” You watched him for a moment before returning your attention to the food in front of you.

He had told you how he wanted to move on but still felt guilty about it. That he knew he couldn’t stay like this forever but that he didn’t want to disappoint or forget her, let alone give off the feeling he wanted to replace her. Then you hadn’t said much with real essence but now you wanted to do so. Still, you couldn’t think of the exact words. And a while ago, another issue had occurred.

Finally you could understand how Leta could have love an ass like him.

#

You entered his office and put the mug down on his desk. “I thought you could use a coffee. This mission was hell.” It wasn’t the first time you did field work but surely the hardest. Or at least second hardest. Nothing would ever trump Paris. At least you hoped it wouldn’t. He took the coffee and sipped on it before thanking you.

“Anything you want?” he asked and you shook your head, leaning against his desk sideways to watch what he was doing. “I finished the report and handed it over to Priscilla. You should take a break. If you continue to squint at the paper like that you’ll get wrinkles or need glasses. Or both. Probably both.” He gave you a tired smile and stretched a little before standing up and joining you on the other side of the desk. His elbow bumped into yours as he took another sip.

“You are always worrying about me,” he teased and you laughed. “Someone has to. You’re clearly not doing it.” He smiled and now intentionally bumped his elbow into your side. Both of you quickly sobered up, then he spoke again. “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. We started out literally hating each other and now... never would have imagined that when we first met.” You nodded, smiling into your mug. “Likewise. But I don’t mind this at all.”

He hummed and you could see from the corner of your eye that he was watching you. “Can I help you with something?” You put your mug down on the desk and looked at him. His expression seemed clouded for a moment, then he leaned forward. You unintentionally held your breath but he stopped and pulled back, then turned away. “Sorry. I’m... I just...” he sighed and you put your hand on his which was gripping the edge of the desk hard. “I know. It’s okay. I understand.” He turned around only to look at you with surprise written on his face. “How do you... wait... the anniversary?” You nodded and gave him a warm smile. “Take your time, Theseus. I won’t go anywhere.” This time, you used his first name intentionally.

Now you leaned forward, to press a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll leave you to it.” You picked up your mug again and pushed away from the desk, not getting further than a step.

His hand around your wrist stopped you. You halted, waiting for him to act, which he did by spinning you around and planting his lips on yours. You willingly melted into him, trying not to drop your coffee, smiling against his lips the entire time.

When you parted, you looked him into the eyes and planted another short kiss on his lips. “That was quicker than expected.” He smiled, a little sheepishly even, and brushed some hair behind your ear. “You made it easier. I’m glad I drunkenly confessed that. Otherwise I might have let you walk out,” he said and your smile only widened. “Would have been a shame, really. But I’m glad you didn’t.”

Whatever this would grow into, it somehow had been years in the making, neither of you could deny that. It truly had been a wild ride and with the uncertainty of the future, it would surely stay just as interesting but it was easier to look ahead when you knew someone by your side.

[schrijverr]

A leg or not a leg, that is the question

Hiccups leg is accidentally melted by Meatlug and all is spares are gone. While waiting for a new one his friends take it upon themselves to find a replacement.

(based of a prompt from @blueofgreen )

Ships: none

Warnings none

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s an accident, Hiccup knows this all to well, but that doesn’t stop Fishlegs from apologizing a hundred times. Hiccup smiles and says: “Don’t worry about it, Fishlegs. I probably have a spare somewhere lying around. I know Meatlug didn’t want to melt my leg, it’s OK.”

“Are you sure?” Fishlegs asked, tapping his fingers together nervously.

Hiccup smiled some more and nodded reassuringly. With Fishlegs comforted he focuses on getting to his hut where he remembers leaving a spare. Luckily Fishlegs is more than happy to assist him on getting back.

The others send them some odd looks when they first arrive, but soon notice the melted leg and Fishlegs guilty looks. Snotlout snorts and yells: “Are you OK Hiccup? You seem to be walking on your last leg.”

Everybody bursts out laughing and Hiccup can’t stop the font eyeroll as he looks at his friends. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” he says, then he looks at the climb to his hut and asks: “Hey, can anyone go to my hut? I remember leaving a leg there.”

Tuffnut jumps up with a mad grin on his face and starts the climb, before he can enter the hut Astrid yells after him: “Don’t touch anything when you don’t have to!”

That makes Tuffnuts shoulders sag, but he doesn’t complain about it. It’s not like he’s going to listen to it. When it was taking too long to be normal Astrid sighed and followed Tuffnut into Hiccups hut. She was about to scold him, when she noticed he was actually looking for something not through something. “Is everything alright?” she asks, effectively scaring the shit out of Tuffnut, who bumps his head on the table he was under.

He rubs his head and answers: “Uh, no, I mean, yeah… I can’t find the leg.”

“Uh-o.”

~

When they returned empty handed Hiccup let his head drop into his hands and meekly said: “You couldn't find it.”

Astrid hesitated, but then confessed and apologized. “No, no, it’s OK. Now I just need to write Gobber and wait until he sends a new one back.” Hiccup says.

“Won’t that take a while?” Ruffnut asked.

“Yeah, what are you gonna do until then?” Tuffnut added.

Hiccup deflated, but Snotlouts ego made him perk up. “We’ll find him an awesome peg leg, duh.” he said.

That made everyone cheer and they set out to be the one who brought back the best peg leg. It wouldn’t be The Edge without making everything into a competition. This left Hiccup to write to Gobber.

~

The next day everybody had returned with their options. The twins options was a way too big tree trunk so they were skipped in Hiccups judging, Snotlout had two too long sticks of which Hiccup wasn’t sure what they were supposed to do, Fishlegs had a stick that admittedly was a bit thin and probably couldn’t take his weight, then there was Astrid who had a good sized sturdy branch. Hiccup thanked the Gods for Astrid and tried to fit her option onto his leg first under the curious gazes of his friends.

He looked at his leg and thought ‘so far so good’ and stood up. Readying himself for a meeting with the ground. When nothing happened he cautiously opened his eyes and looked down. The branch was a tad-bit too long, but it held him. With a careful trim it would most definitely work, with a smile he looked to his friends and he immediately yelled. Astrid was swinging her ax at him and before he could stop her she chopped off a chunk of the leg.

It was quiet on the clearing as everyone eyed the small piece of wood that rolled out from underneath the leg. As it finally left the spot under Hiccup, he left his world tilt again this time in the other way. It remained quiet for another second, then Snotlout burst out laughing and the others joined in. The peg leg was now too short and it must have been a funny sight to see Hiccup sway as he went from one side lopsided to the other.

When everybody was done laughing Fishlegs offered his one to Hiccup. The smaller boy knew it wouldn’t work, but when he noticed that someone was going to comment on that he shot them a glare. He didn’t want to hurt Fishlegs feelings and the rest understood and wisely kept their mouth shut. He fitted it on and tapped the ground a few times, the branch bended and he was starting to reconsider, but then he looked up to Fishlegs and saw the hopeful look on his face and he knew he couldn’t disappoint. So he stood up while bracing himself again and felt the branch break. In seconds he was on the ground groaning with a bunch of concerned friends hovering close. He stuck his thumb in the air and said: “I’m OK.”

He was helped back onto his rock and Fishlegs was saying: “Oh, I’m sorry, Hiccup. I should have realized that the branch was too thin.”

Hiccup reassured him, but the larger boy was still looking guilty. He was pushed away, however, by Snotlout who pushed the two sticks in Hiccups hands proudly. Hiccup eyed them wearily and said: “Uh, Snotlout, I’m a bit unsure. I have one leg and these are way too long. I don’t-”

“Yeah, they’re not for that.” Snotlout interrupted, “They are leaning-sticks, you’re supposed to lean on them and they help you hop. Here let me demonstrate.”

He showed them that if you leaned on the top and set the ends a bit in front of you could jump pretty far with only one leg and stay upright to repeat the process. Hiccup nodded enthusiastically and said: “Wow, that’s pretty smart! Thanks, Snotlout.”

That made Snotlout bashful, like he didn’t know what to with praise. Hiccup wanted to move on after that, they had been unproductive long enough, but those plans were foiled by the twins who had been surprisingly quiet until now. “Hey! You can’t leave without looking at our option!” that was Ruffnut.

“Yeah, it has to be fair.” and there was Tuffnut.

“I’ve seen it, it’s a bit on the long and thick side, don’t you think?” Hiccup answered, while he rubbed his temples.

“But that’s not what it’s for!” “Oh, no, this is better.”

That piqued Hiccups interest and he motioned for them to explain. Tuffnut began: “You see, this great invention is” “The carrystick!” “Jup, it’s great. You just have to sit on it and” “Two others can take you wherever you want to go. You can say it’s genius” “I will say it’s genius, sister.” “Why thank you, brother.”

“That doesn’t seem safe or handy, or genius for that matter, at all.” Hiccup said.

“Yeah, we thought you would say that so we brought a second option.” Tuffnut said.

“Hey, that isn’t fair!” Snotlout exclaimed.

“It is, you dummy. Two people, two options.” That was Ruffnut.

“Technically it was never stated that the twins were a unit. So, they’re right.” Astrid gritted.

Hiccup sighed and asked: “So, what is your second option?”

The twins smirked and produced one of Gobbers peg legs out of Tuffnuts coat. Hiccups eyebrows shot to his hairline and he said: “That’s, that’s- How did you find that! I thought I had lost that one.”

“Yeah, we did too, but Tuffnut found it near the boarpit last night and you were already gone and we wanted to show you our carrystick.” Ruffnut explained.

Hiccup sighed deeply, he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know, but look back his leg anyway and strapped it on. When he was done he turned back to his friends and said: “Well, no time to waste. We have stuff to do.”

He watched them leave while grumbling to themselves. He could survive with a normal peg leg for two days, it wasn’t a big deal, but he took Snotlouts leaning-sticks just to be sure.

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[canonsuponheadsonepiece]

Sex Ed à la Grandline!

Description: Luffy asks Shanks and his crew where children come from. Genre: Humor —————-

It all began so innocent. A quiet day- as quiet as a day with a loudly drunken pirate crew can be- a few destroyed chairs, four, maybe five shattered bottles, just one fight and some harmless screaming… it rarely is that peaceful. Shanks played with his half empty bottle on the counter, eyeing the wet, roundish marks it left. He admitted, that he almost bored himself. “AND IF I TELL YOU, I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES! WITH MY OWN EYES, I SWEAR-“ “NEVER” “NO WAY” “I NEVER HEARD SO MUCH SHIT OUT OF SOMEONES MOUTH-“ “SHIT??! I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT’LL COME OUT OF YA MOUTH ONCE I’M FINISHED, YOU DIRTY LIL-“ “YES??! GO ON!” Shanks moved a bit to the side, dodging the flying beer bottle and for a short moment he contemplated if he should climb onto the next table and do his job as a captain to keep them calm. But not because the noise annoyed him (they weren’t even at their best yet) but simply because he finally had something to do. But he decided, while another bootle flew over his head, he felt way too lazy to move- and climbing into a table was undoubtedly something that required a minimum of movement- something he didn’t felt like doing. “HEH?! HEH?! WHAT DO YOU SAY NOW, YOU LITTLE DIRTY-“ “BE HAPPY I DIDNT STUFF YOUR FACE YOU MOTHERF-“ Behind him shattered some wood. Apparently there was a beautiful fight forming and he is too lazy to turn around. It can’t stay like that! “Benn.” He moved his head a few inches, just enough to see his vice who sat a few meters away in a corner. The usual unmoved expression and a cigarette in the corner of his mouth. Raising his eyebrows- letting his emotionless expression change to an almost questioning one. What? “Where’s the little boy?” For a moment it seemed like Benn didn’t knew who was meant but everyone who spent years with him knew, that was never the case. Benn always knew. Shanks thought for a second, that his vice just thought about all the possibilities to answer him without actually opening his mouth. “Outside.” Shanks giggled. He probably couldn’t think of a way. “Where outside?” “Outside.” “Ah.” “Just across the street, if you want to know exactly.” “Ah.” “...” “And what’s he doing there?” “Captain, i don’t want to be rude but...how about you’d just turn around? You’ll see him perfectly through the window.” Shanks just moved his hand, which could have meant everything and nothing at the same time. “Don’t want to.” Benn rolled his eyes. Shanks would’ve seen it as extremely rude but for Benn Beckman, it was a clear sign of him being perfectly amused. “Aye, Capt’n.” “So?” “I don’t know, he… is sitting there and starring at the sky…” It bothered Shanks. “And why in God’s name is he doing that?” Nonchalantly shrugging. “Ask him?” “Ungh…” Asking that brat meant he had to stand up and leave the bar and even walk to the other side of the street. Again. Anyways, why’s that child not here? On the barstool next to him, loud and annoying, with a thousand questions and a thousand self made answers, a glass of juice and three times more self esteem than what’s considered healthy for someone his size- so why wasn’t he here, where he’s supposed to be? “Get him.” Benn frowned. “What?” “Get him here.” Shanks emptied his bottle in one go and pointed to the barstool next to him. “There.” He clarified. He only got a loud huff for an answer, not sure if it sounded annoyed or amused. “Hey, you!” Benn sat up straight and Shanks assumed one of the fighting pirates reacted to his command. “Go and tell our little boy that our captains wants to see him.” He didn’t even ask who was our “little boy”. Everybody knew Luffy. Everybody loved Luffy. Everybody did in their own crude, drunken but honest way. The loud bang of the bars’ door drowned in the chants of intoxicated pirates and wrongly sung Binks Sake. Someone softly took the bottle out of his hand and gave him a new one. He raised his head. “Hm?” Makino smiled quietly. “Hm.” He started opening the bottle in an all too familiar motion. The bar stool next to him rattled and a black haired boy let himself fall onto the seat. Shanks happily turned away from Makino and eyed the boy on his right. “Morning, little brat.” “I’m not little!” “How about you also say hello?” “Maybe I don’t want to anymore!” “Just maybe?” “I don’t want to say hello to you!” “Ah.” Awkward silence. “You know… pirates also need to be polite. If you want to join my crew, a nice “good morning Captain!” Has to come…” Someone behind him fell hysterically laughing onto the floor. A glass shattered again. “Ouuu...shit!” Shanks stifled his laughter at the reaction and stayed serious. Them and polite, a good joke! Luffy still fell for it. “Gooood moooorning captain”, sang the boy with the most innocent face he could muster. “Way better.” Shanks gave him a tired grin and Luffys face lit up. “Are you drunk?” The question came with way more enthusiasm than expected for a child his age. “Remember, boy. He’s always drunk.” Yasopp crossed his legs, now sitting on a table, feeling like he needs to join the conversation. “And proud of it!” Shanks raised his beer in one swift motion- the first really active thing he did today- And clinked his bottle with a passing guy. His bottle being almost empty didn’t interested him the slightest once he put it on his lips. “Hello Luffy.” The angle from the other side of the counter appeared. “What would you like to drink?” His face became deadly serious:”Rum” Making smiled. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. You get some orange juice, okay?” “I’d get it anyways, wouldn’t I?” She winked at him:”I think so.” “Okay…” he crossed his arms and pouted:” Mrs Makimoto got really fat. I saw her today.” That’s typical for the boy. He couldn’t and wouldn’t insult Makino for not giving him what he wanted, but someone had to face his wrath. “Fat women?”, Lucky Roux yelled from the back,” you should forget fat women, they’re no good, little man!” Everybody nodded their head in agreement “There on men: AMEN!” “You can’t say it loud enough!” “True!” Makino smiles at their charmless reaction. “Listen Luffy…” she put the juice in front of him,”Mrs Makimoto hasn’t gotten fat, and anyways, it’s really rude to say such a thing, she is just pregnant.” The boy frowned:”pregnant?” “Pregnant.”, Shanks confirmed. His deep voice overflowing with conviction, even though he didn’t even knew who Mrs Makimoto was. “Pregnant…” repeated Luffy and after a short pause, “Can...can you eat that?” The whole crew broke into laughter. “Try it, boy.”, Yasopp grinned like no other,” Just try it!” “Luffy.”,Makino looked at the boy,” pregnant means, that Mrs Makimoto gets a baby.” “She…”, the boys face contoured in a strange way of pure concentration,” That means...ahhhh. I know!” “That’s what I want to hear!”, Shanks slapped his shoulder comradely, “finally understood everything?” “OF COURSE!”, Luffy proudly grabbed his chest, “I’m not stupid.” Shanks grinned and moved the bottle back to his lips. It is only his fifth after waking up, he’s far behind his normal dose! “Say...Shanks...?” “Mmh?”, he blubbered with beer filling his mouth. “...do I have to become fat too once I’m pregnant?” At that moment Shanks suddenly felt like choking. “Ugh…” He probably choked a whole two minutes to get the alcohol out of his lungs, before being able to breath again. “You won’t get pregnant, Luffy.”, explained Yasopp calmly while Lucky Roux is still trying to prevent their captain from choking, even though he already stopped… “No need to panic.” “Oh…”, the boy reached for his juice,”sure?” “A 100% boy, I’ll bet my life on it.” “Uhhh…”, he took a sip,” and why won’t I ?” Nobody answered. Luffy looked at Yasopp, who suddenly seemed to be interested in the floor, before starring at Lou who was still hitting Shanks back. “Why not?” Silence. “Shanks?” “Ehm…”, Shanks scratched his neck, “Well...little boy…” He looked around, stopping at Makinos amused face. “Could you help me?” “I?”, she raised her hands,” why me? This sounds like a talk under real men. Am I Right, Luffy?” He nods enthusiastically-even though he didn’t even know what everything was about. She smiled oh so innocently at Shanks, Schadenfreude evident on her face,” Then start, my beloved pirates- please tell Luffy why he won’t be pregnant anytime soon.” Shanks started at her for a few seconds, before his brain even understood what she just said. “Fuck it…”, he mumbled while emptying his bottle. Not even five minutes ago his biggest problem was, if he even managed to lift himself from the stool back to his ship, and now? Now he’s sitting here, with a vice who didn’t had that much fun in a while and two giggling commanders. How was he supposed to tell a little brat like Luffy with big innocent eyes about the birds and bees? It doesn’t happen often but at this moment he hated himself for not having given into his laziness and spent the day sleeping. Yasopps smile grew to an almost scary size:” so... captain...show us what you can do…” “Okay…”, Shanks took a deep breath and waited until Luffy concentrated on him, “now listen… a priest goes into a pub and he sees a blonde, a brunette and a black haired-“ ~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~ “What’s with the rum?”, Shanks opened the door to the bar a bit and raised his voice. “Makino?” “I’m on my way!” He felt way too sober for this. Makino has put him and Luffy together with Benn, Yasopp and Lou into the now empty storage room, after listening to the end of his- to be honest not really family friendly- joke with a growing frown. According to her, they had to stay in there until Luffy knew, that not storks and neither mermaids brought babies. The boy seemed to have the time of his life though. He crouched on one of the shelves-at about the height of Shanks shoulders, who sat on the floor leaning against a wall- letting his legs dangle looking at the men with big eyes, like they’re about to tell him the biggest secret in the world. Yasopp sat in front of them, Lou shared the corner with glasses filled with pickles and Benn leaned with crossed arms against the door (as nonchalant as always). “Okay…”, said Shanks, stressing each syllable, “Gentlemen? Does someone want to start?” He only faced silence. What an ungrateful crew he had, they don’t even know when to help their captain! “Why are we sitting here?” Starts Luffy,” Why’s Makino making such a fuss?” “Well, little boy”, Yasopp sat up,” we’re here because of something really important. Something that’ll change your life forever.” The eyes of the boys lit up,” something secret?” “Something top secret.”, Lou smirked,”secret for all little brats like you. But you’re lucky, because we’ll tell you. But only because you said such a polite “good morning” to our captain!” “Cool!” Again, silence. “So.”, Luffy pleated, “ What is it?” “Look.”, said Shanks, who somehow felt obligated to direct the conversation into a not so bizarre direction,” You know...that little children don’t fall from the sky, right?” Luffy started at him visibly shocked:” of course I know!” “Okay, well...then-“ “Because little children are just grown up babies- that’s how it is!” So far, so bad. Lou almost choked and mumbled something about “him not being wrong” into his nonexisting beard. “Ehm...right. But do you also know that babies don’t fall from the sky?” Luffy tilted his head. “They don’t?”, he asked innocently. “They don’t.”, Benn said with his monotonous voice and deep down, Shanks felt grateful for his interjection-even if it wasn’t all too helpful. “Exactly.”, began Shanks again,” and that’s why… ahem… Mrs Makimoto is pregnant, do you understand?” The boy frowned. “So you want to say..”, he sounded like he didn’t believe anything, ”...that this dumb cow is carrying a baby in her fat belly? A BABY?!” “Yeah.” His brain started rattling. Shanks already expected he would just proclaim that he didn’t believe a word, but Shanks seemed to be wrong. “That’s dope!”, Luffys expression changed between “fascinated” and “unbelievable”. “That means she won’t stay fat?” “No.”, explained Benn patiently,” after some time the child doesn’t want to stay there and wants to go outside.” The eyes of the boy lighted up:” and then they cut her open.”, added Luffy eagerly. “What?!”, Shanks stared at him perplexed, “Why in the whole world would they do that?!” “But how’s the baby supposed to get out, Captain-Know-it-all? Mmh?!” “Stupid question.”, blurted Shanks before thinking about what he’s about to say,” it gets born, that’s obvious! Cutting open the mom, for God’s sake…!” He only realized his tactical mistake once six eyes tried to burn holes into him. “What does that mean, “Being Born”?” Suddenly Shanks knew what he just maneuvered into. “That, ehm...means, that a child come into our world.” “Of course.”, Ruffy started at him in disbelief,” and how does it do it?” “Yeah, Captain”, Yasopp sounded way too amused for his tastes,” how is it supposed to come out?” “It’s easy…”, he played with his hands while searching for the right words,” the...ehm, the mother...knows when the child wants to come out...ehm…” He threw an irritated look at the group, They could at least try to help him. But nobody felt the need to say something. “And the mother lets the baby outside?”, Luffy really tried to learn from Shanks mumbling. Lou sounded like he tries not to choke, while Benn stayed as calm as always:”Exactly.” His eyebrows furrowed:”she can do that?” “Yes.”, hurried Shanks, “yes she can do it. Period.” “Oh, this one just came to my mind.”, interrupted Yasopp, “goes a pregnant women on a bike to the doctor and-“ “Not now.”, growled Shanks- because on one hand he already knows the joke by heart and on the other hand because he wanted to end this conversation, before venturing into dangerous waters. “Okay, Okay.”, Yasopp raises his hands:” how ‘bout this one: four nuns go to heaven and Petrus asks them-“ “Yeah, Yeah.”, Shanks interrupts him,”haha, funny. Everybody laughed. I-“ “Shanks?” Luffy again. “What now?” “So, Mrs Makimoto has the baby in her belly-“ “Exactly.” “But… how-how did it get in there?” “Arghh…!” It happened. It happened and he wanted to throw this topic under the carpet. “Yess Captain… how did the baby get in there?” Suddenly Shanks felt like he needed to choke Yasopp with his bare hands. But instead he looked back at the boy. “It grew in there!” “Just like that?” “Yes. Just like that.” That’s his chance for an easy escape. “But it’s a bit more complicated though. I don’t even want to know when your last time was, Captain, if you don’t even remember the details.” Threw Lou into the conversation, earning an angry stare. “What details?”, Luffy exclaimed with his interest peaking, “Shanks, What kind of details?” Shanks glared at his two commanders with a starte that’s left his enemies shaking. These drunken, useless, ungrateful…! “So Luffy, Listen: in order for a women to get a baby she needs a bit of...ehm...help beforehand.” “Help?”, the boy tilted his head,”help from whom?” Lou raised himself to his full size despite the pickles blocking his way:”help from a man.” Benn smirked and leaned his head against the wood. “And there was light.” “Heeeehhh?”, Luffy visibly confused,” From a man? Why? What does a man has to do with it?” ~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~ “NO!”, explained Shanks for for the fifth time,”the man does not stuff the baby in there!” You could hear a quiet cough from Yasopp. “But...to be honest… somehow, he does.” “Shut up.”, hissed Shanks. He could explode. He thought of himself as a relaxed man. As far as he’s concerned, he even annoyed the whole world with it- for example when he stayed calm in moments where a bit more concern had its advantages. But at the moment he didn’t feel even the slightest bit of calmness, and what was even worse, he wasn’t even the slightest bit drunk- as if the rum came in no time! The unusual soberness probably fueled his bad mood- “How’s it supposed to work then?” -either that or it’s the fault of this little black haired gnome, who still tries to argue about 8000 years of evolution. “Please god!”, he ripped the straw hat from his head and ran through his hair. “In the name of the seven seas, please help me!” With no immediate reaction he threatened,” this wasn’t a plea.” Yasopp threw a doubting look at him. “Okay…”, he began, hesitating,”well...the thing is…” Lou interrupted him,” I have a comparison for you, boy.” He grinned facing his triumph. “Imagine it as a cooking pot.” A despising huff came from the door. “Ehm…”, Shanks didn’t sounded all too intelligent, “Ehm...what?” “Shhhh.”, hissed Luffy annoyed,” shut up Shanks!” He seemed to be really interested,” What is with the cooking pot?” Lou opened his arms-“imagine.” Throwing in a pause for drama,”...you want to cook something.” “I can’t cook.” Admitted Luffy, irritating Lou for a moment. “Ehm… well, okay, your problem. Still imagine it, okay?” “Aye, aye.” “Good boy… so, when you want to cook something, then everything is supposed to taste good in the end, right?” Luffy nodded eagerly:” I like meat.” Lou waved him off,”whatever… anyways, it’s the same with babies. You need... ehm… certain ingredients to get something good, you understand? Metaphorically speaking… you take a bit of water, a bit of garlic-which you get from the women- and a bit of milk- which you get from the man and then you need a pinch of salt… stir everything, heat it- et voilà! The soup is finished!” He looked at the group searching for recognition, “almost like it is with humans. Remember boy- everything’s like cooking. Only that you’ll burn your fingers more easily…” ~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~ It remained silent for a few seconds. “You…”, observes Benn objectively,” You...just compared human intercourse with cooking garlic soup.” “Yes, and? My comparison fits!” “You…”, repeated Shanks and moved his head back to its place,” You just said fucking is like cooking soup.” “Ehm…”, said Lou hesitating a bit,” again, yes. Yes i did.” Silence fillend the little pantry. Suddenly Shanks started rolling on the floor, filling the room with his hearty laugh. Yasopp jerked upwards, startled by Luffy joining into Shanks laughter. He may not know what’s so funny, but if Shanks thinks it’s funny enough to laugh, it was reason enough- not to mention his problem with staying serious once someone laughs. Outside Makino stopped at the door suprised, before quietly grinning and throwing another shattered glass into the bin. ~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~ It took a whole 10 minutes for Shanks and Luffy to chatch their breaths again. At the same time the seating changed. Yasopp is now sitting on the shelf, Lou’s sitting on the only wooden box he could find, Benn moved down the door and Shanks is now laying across the room- Luffy sitting cross-legged on his broad chest. “So”, summarized he,” Babies grow in the belly of women and they only get there if a men helps them beforehand, right?” Shanks laughed again,” perfect, Luffy!” Yasopp rubbed his hands together,” wonderful! That’s it, I guess we can leave now.” “Shanks?” “What now?” “This whole...soup-story with the baby only works when a men helps a women?” “Yes.” “Does it also work the other way around?” “I doubt it, Luffy.” “Ahh…” “But.”, mumbled Benn absentmindedly, “actually… everyone can try to make a baby. It won’t work, but you can try…” Shanks shifted onto his elbows, trying not to shove Luffy off of him. “How...everyone?” Benn looked up and seemed to have waken up from his deep thoughts. “Well… everyone can.” “Also two men? For example?” A cough from the corner with the pickles filled the room for a second. Every human would’ve turned red with three pairs of eyes starring at them, saying: What the…? But Benn just looked at the wooden floor beneath him, before clearing his throat and giving an almost-smile to Luffy. “I said everyone, little boy… and that’s exactly what I meant.” “Hm.” Luffy seemed to be completely content with the world now- something Shanks and the others didn’t necessarily share. “Tell us, Benn…”, started Lou,” There… isn’t something you want to tell us, right?” Now it’s Benn who’s looking perplexed. “What?” He jumped up to his feet, searching for words, “WHAT?! You...damn! Y’all lost your minds! I-“, he noticed the amused faces. “That were just theories! All theoretically possible answers! Theoretically, understand?” The urge to beat their stupid smirks out of their faces rose. “The child has the right to be informed and anyways-“ “Of course.”, Shanks grinned, “we understand, theoretically.”, he winked at his vice. “Come on Benn, nobody will judge you! You can always-“, he bit his lip suppressing a smile,”... you can tell us everything. You can tell me everything, ol’ buddy- no secrets anymore, how ‘bout that? You don’t even have to-“ “Argh, shut up, you drunk idiots!”. Benn reached for the door nob,”this is like a kindergarten!” “I’m sober, so please watch your mouth!” Yelled Shanks after him, before he shut the door. ~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~ Makino polishes the counter, dodging flying glasses from time to time, before they’d hit the wall. Benn was sitting in his corner again, cigarette hanging from his lips, Yasopp and Lou followed his way. She carefully poured some rum into Shanks glass and there he was- the door of the storage room opened and Shanks marched out of it. Deeply bending under the doorway, so Luffy wouldn’t hit his head sitting on his shoulder. “So.” He announced loudly and in a matter of seconds the whole bar fell quiet. “NOW WHERE’S MY RUM?” She smiled and pointed at the counter. Loud shouts filled the background again, Shanks fell back onto his barstool and Luffy climbed back into ‘his’. The orange juice still untouched. The boy drank like he didn’t drink anything for week, Shanks doing the same next to him, making Makino smile. “So?”, she asked Luffy curiously,” how did it go? Did you learn anything?” The boy nodded, his mouth filled with juice. The glass now empty. She grinned,”tell me.” He gulped down the rest and answered:” women can let their child out of their belly and Benn wants to cook garlic soup with another man.” And this was the second time Shanks terribly choked. End ————- A/N: I just couldn’t stop me from translating this masterpiece. It’s way funnier in german but I tried my best haha… I just had difficulties translating the whole “Kindergarten” stuff and the infamous “na?”-“na.” But I think it could’ve been worse. If you know german please check out the original author, she has even more stories that deserve some recognition!

Author: S_ACD on Animexx

[erikismybitch]

Based off the Jill Scott interlude PT.2

You didn’t trip off what happened in the grocery store . But then it happened again, with another woman at the gym.

Then three more times after he posted the faceless pic of you and the “Erik” chain on his Instagram.

“Women sure are resourceful, like fucking spies when they want to be nosey ” you spoke sourly as you blocked yet another girl from your inbox. It was the most action your Instagram had seen in a long time . All this unwanted attention surrounding you brought back that old self conscious girl you’d hidden years ago.

“So, you gon keep me on pause the whole time? Maybe I should just end the FaceTime “ Erik said through the speaker of your iPhone .

“Sorry that I had to deal with one of your many hidden girlfriends” you went back to the FaceTime. Erik was sitting in his car on his work break . He mumbled lowly, knowing you couldn’t hear him. “Talking mess?” You asked with a lifted brow . The frustration was written all over his face , for the past week it had been a downhill battle between you and him.

“I was dealing with a lot of them girls back before you. But I didn’t feel the way about you that I do now “

“Is that supposed to be a compliment? “ you snapped . Eriks phone paused as you continued to rant . “I won the race and you were the prize?”

Eriks face came onto the phone screen again. He didnt say anything, he spent the past few days explaining himself . He never cheated , these were all women of the past . He was out of options and figured his best bet was to stay silent .

“I didn’t know you were THAT nigga”

“Please !” He finally spoke , twisting his face . “You got with me cause I was THAT nigga, don’t act new”

“Erik , I got with you cause you were you . I didn’t know it would come with all of this”

“Then break up with me then!” Erik shouted angrily and ended the FaceTime call . It scared you , not the tone of his voice but those words . You were angry with him and you weren’t sure what you wanted . Breaking up with him was not on your list .

Just as you were about to press the call back button, Erik sent you a text .

I’m sorry for yelling like that , I’ll pick you up later tonight for that party.

K.

You tossed the phone across your bed . Tiana and Devin were a married couple who hosted game nights at their hillside home . They were older and a couple that you admired. Tiana was an old co-worker of yours , she and Devin introduced you to Erik at their very own party. The two of you hadn’t seen them in a while and agreed to go tonight .

You listened as the postal worker slid the mail in your home door slot . You went to fetch the mail from the front . You scanned through it .

“Bills, bills, bills, Complex for Erik, and Cosmo for me”

You dropped everything except for the Cosmopolitan magazine. Ironically your current life story was on the cover in big bold letters

“So, you’re dating a ladies man pg 48 “.

“Yes, yes the hell I am” You eagerly opened the magazine to the article . Not even bothering to sit down, you began to read .

“...It's horrible and infuriating and brings out your jealous side. I get it. So what do you do? How do you handle him, and, more important, how do you keep him focused on your relationship when he's being approached left and right?...”

“How?” You mouthed out loud , as if the article was speaking to you

“...don't put him so high up on a pedestal. You deserve each other, and you are equals in the relationship. That mind-set is important...”

“Okay, okay” you nodded in an agreeable manner then read down a little more .

“...when a woman comes up to him and you're around. Let her and him know that he is yours, and you want to keep it that way. He will find that fiery, possessive side of you exciting and comforting...”

“I’m not fighting for no man, Cosmo”

“..."accidentally" let him see an innocent yet flirty text from a guy you met at work, or mention how "weird" it was that so-and-so asked you for a drink...”

“This is dumb as hell” you laughed and tossed the magazine with the rest of the mail . You should have known better than to look for advice from a pop culture magazine .

Hours passed and Erik was outside waiting for you . You had taken your time getting ready . The curls your usually had were flattened straight and tucked behind your ears. A casual dress accompanied with a denim jacket and heels . Plus , your make up was perfect.

You walked out of your apartment complex and made your way to Eriks truck. He thought you looked amazing , even more so than ever because you didn’t know how beautiful you were. To him, it was effortless.

“What?” You snapped with an attitude . You noticed the look he gave you when you got into the car . Erik laughed in response and pulled off .

“Nothing , you just look good... that’s all” Erik nodded his head to his music nonchalantly. You turned your body towards the window , just so Erik couldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing your smile . How could a girl be mad at that? And plus, he looked good too.

Erik drove briskly through the mountains , until he reached Devin and Tianas Spanish-styled home . There were several cars in the drive way as you pulled up . You both went inside and greeted everyone. Some new faces and some old .

You went your separate way from Erik, finding comfort in playing games with other people. Erik kept his eye on you the entire time , he was like a lost puppy waiting for you to find him. Out of the two host, Tiana was the first to notice that Erik wasn’t having fun . He told her that the two of you were on bad terms so he gave you space. She suggested that the four of you played a game alone . Tiana gathered you and her husband , then met Erik in a well-off room away from the main party .

“Let’s get it “ Devin shuffled the deck of Uno cards and gave each person seven . Both couples sat across from their mates and played the game .

“Uno!” You called out excitedly , you were down to your last card .

Erik hit you with a draw four and a smirk . Everybody cursed and took cards from the deck .

“Just when I think everything is straight , Erik shuts shit down “

“It’s just a game though” Erik placed a card onto the stack .

“It’s just a game though” you mimicked him in a nagging voice .

The married couple couldn’t stand the tension and before an argument started they interjected .

“You guys talking about Uno, or something else ?” Devin asked .

“Ask the ladies man” you motioned towards Erik . He tossed his cards on the table , fed up .

“What’s going on with you guys , seriously?” Tiana lowered her voice a bit , making sure nobody in the other room could hear the conversation.

“She’s upset because other women still like me” Erik made it seem like no big deal .

“Is that true?” Tiana interjected

“It’s more complicated than that , women are approaching me and messaging me about him”

The two of you felt completely comfortable spilling all the intimate details of the relationship with them . That had years of experience and knowledge under their belts . Erik gave them his view and you followed up with your own .

“You’re upset at something Erik can’t control and Erik should have helped you get to a place where you feel secure” Tiana began to preach .

Erik moved closer to you , running his hand across your lower back . “You don’t feel secure with me?” He spoke low, only for you to hear .

“I feel like I’m suddenly in a competition. If all those women weren’t enough for you then how could I, just one girl, be enough ?” Erik wrapped his arm around you and brought you into his chest . His way of letting you know you were secure with him. He didn’t know you felt that way .

“Why was she different than the rest of the girls?” Tiana questioned Erik. He thought about the night he met her, in this same house . Sure he had seen women more beautiful, women with better bodies and more sex appeal. But it was something about you that drew him in .

“This man drooled on himself when he saw her!” Devin blurted out .

“I did, my shirt got wet and everything “ Erik admitted shamelessly.

“We laughed about that shit for weeks” Devin cracked up.

“Girl, If that don’t make you feel secure then I don’t know what can” Tiana teased .

Devin and Tiana left the room, they allowed you and Erik some alone time . You tried your best not to taunt him for drooling, but you were flattered . Erik still held you against him, you took it a step further and embraced his waist . The words “sorry” were at the tip of your tongue . As soon as you were about to speak, Erik did.

“I remember after our second date, you didn’t call me for a like a week. Usually I wouldn’t trip ... but I did.” He played with your chain for emphasis. “That’s when I knew you were different “

“Erik, I’m sorry I’ve been mean . You don’t deserve that “

“It’s alright , you ready to get out of here?”

You nodded your head and agreed . The two of you said goodbye to everyone and made your way to the car . Erik drove through the hills slowly , enjoying the entire view of the lit city below . His car came to a stop, right on the edge of the road . A few cars were parked near by. They probably had the same idea as Erik .

He wanted to get high and enjoy this view with his girl, his one and only girl. Erik broke down his weed and rolled a blunt . He lit it , giving you the honor of hitting it first .

“I didn’t know how insecure I was , until tonight“ You mouthed , after inhaling and blowing a little smoke through your nostrils .

“You have nothing to be insecure about, I’m with you for a reason. Nobody makes me feel the way you do”

That put a big smile on your face . All you needed was a little assurance. You have him the blunt . He took it between his soft lips and inhaled . It had been almost a week since you felt him inside of you . And something about that small gesture turned you on. You reached over his lap and reclined his seat . Erik smirked at you, he knew exactly what you wanted .

His jeans were already low. You unbuttoned him and pulled his briefs down. His beautiful dick sprung at attention. Without a word you wrapped your mouth around his shaft . You focused on getting it wet so your lips could glide easily . This was his favorite , you were the best at it . You wanted to show him how much you wanted him .

“Shit baby, just like that” Erik ashed his blunt , it felt so good he couldn’t smoke anymore . You slurped hard, hearing the sopping sounds over the radio. Your head bobbed as you popped your lips on the tip of his veiny dick. Erik held on to the back of your head for leverage , bringing you all the way back down on him . You covered every last inch until his dick touched the back of your throat .

“You so perfect for me” Erik brought your head up , allowing you to take in air. He lifted you by your shoulders and kissed your moist lips . It was slow, sensual and passionate . Erik snuck your dress above your ass, then took it upon himself to slide your panties to the side .

“Come sit on this dick” his voice was smooth but still demanding . Just how you liked it.

You raised your leg over his lap, thanking god that Erik had a truck with tints. Erik cut the engine and turned off the radio . You thought maybe he wanted to listen for trouble , but he just wanted to hear you .

You slid onto him easily , seizing the moment . He always felt so good inside of you. Erik peeled your breast from the top of your dress . You rode him slowly .

“This the dick that got you wearing that chain?” he hissed , digging his palm into both of your ass cheeks .

“Yes baby” You let out a whimper, speeding up and adding a little bounce to your movement.

“Show me how you got that fucking chain!” He slapped your ass hard , kicking you in gear . Your breast bounced up and down . Eriks eyes reverted back and forth . Your silk like wetness coated his dick , each time you came down on his shaft he let out a grunt of satisfaction.

The sweet musty smell filled the car , so did the humidity . It covered all the windows , nobody could peak in if they tried .

Eriks hands roamed from your ass , to your waist , to the cup of your delicious breast .Then they found a place on the sides of your neck , bringing you down on to him . Your foreheads touched and the air flared from Eriks nostrils loudly .

“Let it out daddy ! “ you demanded against his lips . He slapped your ass again , piercing his fingers into your mounds . He forced your hips to move to his liking . Erik took control, his dick sent a lightning sensation through senses.

“Ohhh my god” you croaked and rested in the crevice of Eriks neck.

“Yeah? Daddy feel good to you ?” Erik boasted at the sounds you were making .

“Mmmmm, feel so good” you assured him.

Erik used his thighs to thrust upward into you . You let out a scream so loud that it even shocked you . You were powerless, and willing to do anything he wanted in that moment . The sensation he gave you , you’d rob a bank if he asked you to .

You pulled yourself up, holding the sides of his face firmly . Eriks eyes connected with yours before he kissed you quickly . Nothing but Pure extacy was written all over your face . You opened your mouth wide as you took in air .

Erik knew that face, he sped his strokes up . With each thrust his seat became soaked with your cream.

You gripped the roof handle and his chest as you felt yourself about to explode. You came violently . Your head flew back and a growl escaped your pretty lips.

“Don’t fucking move!” Erik never stopped fucking you . Your walls contracted around him as you tried your best not to lift up . Your flesh was far too sensitive to take the pounding Erik was giving you . Just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore , he let out a Harsh breath and came inside of you .

You laid back on top of him, unable to climb back into your spot .

“This shit feel so good, I could just drive home with my dick still inside of you “

You let out a tired laugh and kissed under his chin. It was sticky from sweat . It didn’t matter to you , you loved every part of him. You kissed his lips and then back down to his neck . With your tongue you marked your spot and sensually began to suck on its saltiness.

Erik’s dick began to stiffen inside of you . “Round two?” He mumbled.

“Meet me in the back seat”

[thestagthatlovedthewolf]

Parentdale Appreciation Week

Day 6 -  Favorite Dynamic

Fred Andrews, Alice Cooper and FP Jones!!

I want this group so much!!! This a relationship I definitely want to see and it’s something I always adore seeing in fics - I think they are just three people that would work so well together - they are so different and they have different methods, but they also all have such an ability to care and love!! I just really think they would balance and complement each other out.

Then I also already love the pairs we find here. We haven’t seen as much of Fred and Alice as I would want, but I LOVE the little times they share looks (like in the last episode), or how they care for each other as neighbors, or that sweet and soft moment in the flashback!!

Fred and FP is probably my favorite friendship in the entire show (and I see the possible romance there as well if it goes that route) - the way they protect each other and lean on each other!!! I LOVE that their relationship has healed (FP having Fred’s back on the scene with Hiram has to be one of my favorite scenes in the all show!!), but I wish we had seen more of how they rebuilt their trust on each other after the fallout. And still pissed they cut the scene where they ask to be each other’s sponsors, because that was beautiful and my heart broke ina million pieces.

Then, of course, FP and Alice!! I LOVE how we’re seeing them come to trust each other again, all because their kids came together and they got to see each other again :) I love all the complicated feelings from the past they had together and a reality Alice tried to hide from, and I always look forward to seeing how their relationship can move forward from here. 

But these three pairs is not enough, and I really want to see the friendship between this trio, and all of them having each other’s backs!!! So for today, I actually wrote a small drabble, mostly ignoring canon, because I don’t like the idea they interacted for the first time in detention, because FP and Alice, and FP and Fred (and consequently Fred and Alice) go way back... So enjoy some kid stuff!! [AO3]

Fred was tired of being left behind. Stupid FP and Alice were always doing that and it was not Fred's fault that they weren't neighbors - his stupid parents were the ones who bought the house here, instead of the Southside. His mom didn't even let him go there, she always said that FP and Alice should come over - they didn't mind (and Fred didn't either, really, but still...) - but he was mad that everyday they would come to school with stupid stories he wasn't a part of.

So tonight, after his parents checked on him and went to bed, Fred got up, arranged some pillows under the covers, like he had seen people do in the movies, and climbed out of his window, using the ladder he had smartly put under his window earlier that day. He climbed on his bike and started the ride across the town and river.

The town was quiet this late at night, and Fred didn’t like it. Not that he was scared, of course not, he was almost thirteen and he was not afraid of the dark - he was too grown up for that. But it still felt weird, the town seemed dead like this, so seeing the neon lights from Pops helped calm him down.

For some reason, after crossing the river, the silence was gone and he could see people everywhere, still moving around, and once again Fred felt weird - not scared, of course, he wasn’t a baby anymore.

He still remembered the way to the trailer park from the few times he had been over, only with his parents to pick one of his friends or both, but most times just FP, back before Alice joined them in middle school. But reaching the trailer park, he couldn’t tell which one was FP’s and he started questioning his decision, as adults and some older kids started yelling at him.

“Leave him alone, assholes,” he heard FP yell at a group of teens, running in his direction, but it didn’t stop them, as they started taunting him, and even using Junior, which he knew FP hated and had stopped using in 3rd grade.

“Fuck off,” Alice came right after, throwing the finger at the older kids, who still wouldn’t stop.

“Fred, what are you doing here?” FP asked.

“Why are you in your pajamas?” Fred couldn’t answer that, he couldn’t tell them he wanted this to feel like a sleepover and he had thought of them in their pajamas too.

“Who’s the baby, Junior?” someone yelled. “Another client for your mom, Smith?”

“Fuck off.”

“Watch your language, kid.”

“Leave them alone,” another voice said, it was a girl probably around 15 or 16, with brown hair, who seemed to hold authority over everybody else. “You okay, FP? Alice?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Yes,” Alice answered. “But I had it handled.”

“Of course. I’m sure you can kick all their butts,” she said coming closer. “Go on. I will keep your friend’s bike safe.”

“Thank you,” Fred said. “I’m Fred,” he said, offering his hand, before Alice was pulling on him.

“Let’s go.”

“Who’s she?”

“That’s Gladys. FP has a crush on her.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“Shut up, Alice.”

“She seems nice,” Fred said, trying to diffuse the situation - he knew how these two got when they started arguing. “So what’s happening?”

“Nothing,” Alice answered at the same time as FP told him it was Serpent Business, and Alice kicked him again. He was brought to where they had been siting before, he could recognize their school books, only Alice’s. Fred now recognized FP’s trailer behind him, full of people inside.

“Why are you here, Fred?” she asked, pulling him between them. And no matter how he was taller than the two of them - something he felt very proud of - right now, between the two of them, he felt rather small.

“I don’t know. You just seemed to have fun and you had talked about hanging out tonight and I thought...”

“God, Fred,” Alice said, starting to laugh. 

“What’s going on?”

“It’s complicated,” FP answered, he was never good at explaining stuff and he could tell Alice didn’t want him to talk.

“Fred, we hang out, at midnight, because I can’t go home and FP can’t go home.”

“Why?”

“Because... because my mom is busy, and his dad is busy too.”

“When my parents are busy, I can just stay in my room or watch TV in the living room. I don’t get why you can’t do that.”

“Because we can’t, Fred,” FP said.

“So what do you do?”

“Most times, I try to do homework, while FP throws rocks at people or cars, until someone comes over and yells at us.”

“And when do you go to bed?”

“My mom is hopefully done around 1 am. FP will probably crash with me tonight.”

“Why? Does this happen every night?”

“Of course not,” she said.

“Would the Serpents be as lucky to get this kind of money every day...” FP murmured. “Once a month, maybe, if they are lucky. Once every two/three months is probably more correct.”

“But you have more stories.”

“Not this late. Do you know how late it is?”

“No, I was just waiting for my parents to go to bed and they took too long.”

“Come on. You should go home,” FP said. “I’m going to go get my bike.”

“Why do I need to go?”

“Because it’s late and you’re worrying your parents and I don’t want them to think FP and I are bad influences. FP would be inconsolable if he couldn’t see you.”

“I’m ready.”

“I’m taking the bike,” Alice said, taking the bike from his hands.

“No, it’s mine.”

“Penny has mine and I’m not going to ride in the back, FP. And I ride better than you.”

“You do not.”

“I do.”

“You do not.”

“I do.”

“You broke your arm riding a bike,” Fred pointed out, before they spent the rest of the night like this.

“I’ll let you go get Fred’s bike from Gladys.” That seemed to convince FP, as he went up to the older kids. “Keep guard over the bike, don’t let anyone take it, including FP. I’m just going to hide my books.”

Alice picked up her stuff and ran two trailers over - Fred guessed that was hers, it looked very much like FP’s. The garden at the front was a bit cleaner, but everything else was pretty much the same - it was just not as noisy as the Jones’ home.

“What took you so long?” FP asked as she joined them, she ignored him and got on his bike, as he took the seat on the back. 

Mom had told him it wasn’t safe for two people to ride on one bike, which was true, because he and Hal had still tried it when they were seven and Hal ended up with a scuffed elbow and his mom didn’t let him play outside for two full weeks. But FP and Alice were good at it and they didn’t fall one time.

Fred rode next to them, slowly, taking the longer path home, and they went along the town, making up stories about each house they passed, Riverdale, at least the Northside, was still quiet and deserted, but this time, with his best friends next to him, Fred didn’t feel even one bit scared - but of course, he wasn’t scared before either.

[ketchupcrisp]

#AskStrange Hello doctor! I have a question about the status of subs. IIRC, according to the Author, subs are in principle equal to everybody else. However, some elements in the story make me wonder if that's true in practice: Howard's total rejection of Tony's orientation; Tony's hiding it for years; and Pepper's mention that people loved him in part because of his being a sub. Are subs in actuality discouraged from following challenging life paths, and those who do especially admired?

While the Author is, in many cases, wildly fanciful, on this particular topic she is correct. Submissives, particularly True submissives, are generally very highly regarded. Howard Stark, however…well, perhaps showing you would be more expedient.

(The Author asks that I provide a content warning for allusions to child neglect, alcohol abuse, and something she calls “Howard Stark’s A+ Parenting.” I can only hope the latter is sarcastic. As annoying as his spawn is, I would not consider Howard Stark a model for adequate parenting.)

Tony loved workshop days the most. The rest of the time his Dad had only a few settings: physically gone (at work, or searching for Captain America), mentally gone (booze was usually the culprit on these occasions), or emotionally gone. The latter times were the worst, because Howard would be there, right in front of you, and he might even be sober, but he might as well have been thousands of miles away. Those usually happened during the big fundraising events Tony’s Mom put on, though Howard had also been known to check-out during kiddish milestones he considered beneath his son, like piano recitals or elementary school ‘graduations.’

He didn’t let Tony down into the workshop very often, either. Tony, he said, was too easily distracted, more likely to break something or taint the results of an experiment than to actually add anything of value. But every once in a while he would find Tony, pull him away from whatever he was doing (which had included school a couple of times, usually leading to screaming matches between Dad and Mom later) and bring him down to the shop.

The shop was the best place in the world. There was always something incredible happening; Dad would work on new designs for the shield (for when he found Cap), and he’d talk to Tony about vibranium and everything that made it such a unique, un-reproduceable substance. Or he’d work on his flying car, which was going to be perfect one day as soon as he stabilized the repulsor technology. Or he’d make new weapons that helped keep kids like Tony safe in their beds at night. Tony liked all of those things, but what he liked most of all was how his Dad was down here: attentive, happy, alive in a way he never really seemed to be anyplace else.

Today wasn’t exactly the same. Howard hadn’t planned on bringing Tony down to the shop, but one of his regular assistants had needed to go home to attend to his submissive. She was classified at a one, which meant sometimes she had very high needs. Most people talked about subs, especially subs classified that close to True status, in hushed, reverent tones. But when his Dad explained why Damien had had to leave, it didn’t sound like that. He sounded…sorta mad, or grossed out, maybe, like that time Tony had presented Mom with a collection of rare insects.

“Is it bad? To be a sub like Marnie?” For a long time Howard didn’t answer. And he did have a tendency to ignore questions he thought were beneath him, so Tony had already accepted it and moved on to thinking about something else when Howard sighed and put down the soldering iron he was using.

“Not…bad, but just. Well, remind me what you know about evolution, Tony.” Obediently, Tony spouted off everything he could remember about monkeys and Darwin and finches and natural selection. Howard gave no visible signs of approval (of course he didn’t, Tony was six, of course he should probably know more than this), but he didn’t yell or demand Tony leave the lab and return with a better answer, so it counted as somewhat of a victory. “Now, would you say it’s a desirable trait for people to need each other as much as True subs and Doms do, Tony? For them to not be able to function, for their muscles to stop responding to their brains and their minds to become frantic, just because they aren’t spending enough time in their headspace?”

Tony has long since learned that sometimes his Dad’s questions are a trap, and this definitely felt like one of those times. Because before now, Tony would have said he thought it sounded kind of nice, the way that different orientations worked together, making individuals stronger together than they were apart. The thought of knowing someone that way, being known in return, he was too young to really know much about the details of what it would entail, but as a concept, the notion that there might be someone out there like that for him had been a comforting fiction on the many days and nights he spent mostly on his own.

“No?” he guessed.

“Personally,” Howard continued as if Tony hadn’t spoken (a good sign his had been the right answer), “I think True subs and Doms are uncommon because orientation is a trait that’s just dying out. And in my book that’s a damn good thing. No one should have to rely on anyone like that. People…they disappoint each other. It’s what we do. We hurt each other and leave each other and end up in the bottom of the goddamn ocean, and…well, it’s just better to stand on your own two feet, boy.”

“What…what if when they test me…what if…” Tony trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. He didn’t want to grow up to be disappointed by someone! Or even worse, be a disappointment. He’d done plenty of that already. Howard laughed.

“What if you’re a True, you mean?” He nodded, and his Dad threw his head back and laughed again, already turning his attention back to his work. “Boy, you got nothin’ to worry about. There hasn’t been a Stark that’s been anything but a middle-scale Switch in decades.”

That, Tony told himself, was a relief.

[karkatvantasistrans]

More of my Rosemary fic! A slightly less Rosemary-centric chapter than usual, actually.

Dave: Continue being Dave – turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling carcinoGenecist [CG] at 03:14 – TG: hey TG: did you still want me to come over TG: or like TG: is it still cool if i come over CG: YOU ASK THIS WHEN YOU’RE ALREADY LATE FOR THE PLANS WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE? TG: fuck sorry dude CG: YEAH THAT’S FINE TG: i got nervous CG: I STILL WANT TO SEE YOU TOO

Dave: Stop being Dave You stop being Dave. You have to stop being Dave because, to your knowledge, you have never been Dave. Not even for a mother fucking second. – carcinoGenecist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 03:16 – CG: HEY CG: HE’S COMING OVER AFTER ALL CG: SO I CAN’T CG: SORRY TC: it all is TC: WHAT IT ALL MOTHERFUCKING WILL BE TC: :o) CG: OK. SORRY TC: :o) CG: (:B – carcinoGenecist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 03:19 – Stop not being Dave. Dave: Be Terezi. You are now Terezi Pyrope. Terezi: Check phone messages Your first task as Terezi Pyrope is to refuse to comply with narrative instructions. You have been ignoring your phone for quite some time. You are sitting, legs crossed, on the floor by your recuperacoon. You are studying. Dave sits in your mind, at the intersection of two potential desicions, and you focus on keeping your breathing even as you feel the familiar tug behind your eyes, branching accross your temples. Reaching further and further into future decision trees isn't something you can do instantaneously, so trying to massage the future pathways out of your mind has taken up a lot of your free time recently. You're only about a sweep ahead at this point, and pushing ahead through mundane decisions is proving to be a more significant test of your powers than you'd planned for. You blame Dave. No, really, you blame Dave. Every time there’s a critical junction in his potential decision making, the potential for a time travel relapse bubbles unexpectedly back up into the realm of possibility; or, initially unexpected at least. You’ve now become painfully accustomed to progressing through individual life trajectories until the recursive looping of Dave’s pathway potentials start interfering with your sense of progress.The focus it takes to navigate these potential outcomes has a physical effect on you: the distinct pull of your stretched abilities reaches backwards accross your think pan, with a hum that resonates through your skull the longer you maintain focus. The rhythmic churning of your own mind would add stability to the exercize if it weren’t for the increasingly tight pinch pulling back from the front of your face. You are pushing further and further forward into his future desicions as you continue to focus on his potential, but your distance from his actual role in your future battle is, to be frank, really chafing your nubs. The stretching pressure in your starts to bleed into a slice of pain; a sign that your mind is forcing you to finish charting Dave’s time-looped bullshit for another day. You let your gander bulbs ease open as you climb back down the branches of your future meteor companion's mind, feeling the soft pat of your bulbcurtains on your cheeks as you blink yourself back into the space around you. You have, apparently, been ignoring your phone for a very long time. -– turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 02:47 –- TG: hey man TG: you gotta help me with something GC: SOM3TH1NG BLOODY 4ND HORR1F1C? 1M HONOUR3D TO B3 TH3 ON3 YOU TURN TO WH3N YOU N33D HELP CL34N1NG UP FL3SH CHUNKS STUCK TO TH3 W4LLS OF YOUR R3SP1TEBLOCK >:] TG: what the fuck TG: no TG: i just need advice about karkat GC: OH? 4 LOV3RS SP4T? GC: 4 BOUT OF C4L1G1NOUS V4C1LL4T1ON SO H34T3D TH4T YOUR3 NOW S33K1NG L3G4L 4DV1C3? GC: OR M4YB3 4 P4RTN3R 1N CR1M3? GC: K4RK4T *W4S* MY FR13ND BUT 1 C4N B3 P3RSU4D3D TO H3LP D1SPOS3 OF YOUR 3X LOV3R…FOR 4 PR1C3 >:] TG: holy shit dude TG: no none of that bloodthirsty weird shit youre obviously getting all hot and bothered over TG: i just need some normal ass friend advice GC: BOOOOOORING >:[ TG: yeah cool shut up TG: anyway TG: uh TG: you guys dont have any concept of being uh TG: gay TG: right TG: like everybody is just all about sharing their weird ass liquids with whoever else is around right GC: D4V3 TH4T 1S SO OBSC3N3 TG: yeah yeah borderline pornographic i know TG: whatever TG: but the point is no one is gonna care if whether youre knocking troll boots with a chick or a dude right TG: thats not a thing right GC: NO D4V3 1T’S NOT *4 TH1NG* GC: TH3R3 4R3 C3RT41N 4DV4NT4G3S TO D3V3LOP1NG 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH 4 TROLL 1N 4 P4RT1CUL4R G3ND3R3D OCCUP4T1ON GC: FOR 1NST4NC3 MOST L3G1SL4C3R4TORS 4R3 F3M3L3 GC: B3C4US3 W3'R3 MOR3 CUNN1NG 4ND THOROUGH 1N OUR 1NV3ST1G4T1ONS >:] GC: SO IT WOULD B3 4 W4ST3 OF TIM3 TRY1NG TO F1ND 4 M4L3 M4T3SPR1T 1F L3G4L COUNS3L 1S WH4T YOUR3 4FT3R 4S 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P P3RK GC: BUT OTH3RW1S3 1T’S NOT R34LLY *4 TH1NG* NO TG: ok cool that was a whole lot of words TG: so its not gonna make a lot of sense to a troll why its weird and confusing for a dude to date another dude TG: and why theres gonna be uh TG: some weird shit going on with that GC: NOT N3C3SS4R1LY GC: BUT TH3R3 4R3 OTH3R 3XP3CT4T1ONS W3 H4V3 ON 4LT3RN14 GC: TH4T C4N B3 D1FF1CULT TO D3V14T3 FROM GC: 3V3N WH3N 1TS B3N3F1C14L TO DO SO GC: ROS3 H4S 3XPL41N3D TH3 CONC3PT TO ME B3FOR3 GC: SO 1 C4N UND3RST4ND TH3 K1ND OF 3MOT1ON4L CONST1P4T1ON TH4T COULD 1NSP1R3 1N SOM3BODY >:] TG: dont you grin about someones emotional butthole problems dude TG: thats just nasty TG: also when the hell do you talk to rose TG: are you two buddies GC: W3LL D4V3 W3 H4V3 ONLY B33N H3R3 FOR H4LF 4N 3NT1R3 SW33P GC: 1T M1GHT SHOCK YOU TO L34RN W3V3 H4D T1M3 FOR MOR3 TH4N ON3 CONV3RS4T1ON 1N TH4T T1ME! GC: 1LL G1V3 YOU SOM3 T1M3 TO 4DJUST TO TH1S ST4RTL1NG R3V3L4T1ON!!! >:] TG: dude shut up i just didnt know you two hung out TG: i kinda figured she spent all her time hanging with kanaya TG: plus im amazed you sat through one of her long winded speeches about anything GC: SH3 1S PR3TTY LONG W1ND3D 1TS TRU3 GC: BUT 1 4M SORT OF US3D TO TH3 L1GHT PL4Y3R 4PPRO4CH TO CONV3RS4T1ONS TG: oh right i forgot vriska was all about being long winded as shit too GC: Y34H! TG: glad we’re stuck with two players who have ‘can’t shut the fuck up’ as their aspect GC: H3Y TG: anyway TG: uh TG: its cool that you get whats hard about the whole human grappling with sexuality thing lets not get into all of that but TG: i dont think karkat gets it TG: like at all TG: and its kind of freaking me the hell out GC: Y34H K4RK4T IS K1ND OF 4N 1D1OT! TG: jesus dude GC: NOT N3C3SS4R1LY 1N 4 B4D W4Y GC: BUT H3 D3F1N1T3LY 1S GC: 1T W1LL PROB4BLY T4K3 4 LONG T1M3 OR 4 LOT OF H4ND HOLD1NG GC: ROS3 W4S SURPR1S1NGLY 1LLUM1N4T1NG ON TH3 SUBJ3CT GC: M4YB3 YOU COULD PERSU4D3 H3R TO H3LP >:] TG: oh hell no what kind of dumb idea is that TG: theres no fucking way she wouldnt do something weird with that TG: im gonna have karkat coming up to me one day like TG: oh dave i cant believe you never told me about your rare condition where youre terrified of intimacy with other men blaarrg im yelling because i yell 24 7 and dont know how to stop TG: rose told me all about the 400 doctors who came from around the globe to witness your freakish inability to even look at another dude without instantly sprouting hideous growths all over your body and also probably some kind of horrible foot fungus or something TG: wow you are so brave im so glad rose explained exactly this real scenario to me and nothing else that could have possibly contributed to your overall weirdness wow you are so brave and so totally disgusting TG: no more do i long to discover the hot bod youre continually hiding under that big ass cape from my tender troll lovin because it is probably covered in some weird nasty growths as we speak GC: WOW TG: also ha ha illuminating i get it cuz shes a light player very fucking clever GC: >:] GC: YOUR3 R1GHT D4V3 GC: YOU PROB4BLY SHOULDNT 3NL1ST ROS3S H3LP W1TH TH1S PROBL3M GC: B3C4US3 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOU H4V3 ~4 LOT~ TO WORK THROUGH 4LR34DY TG: what the fuck GC: BY3 D4V3 TG: what are those fucking tildes for GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR R4R3 HUM4N PHYS1OLOG1C4L COND1T1ON TG: dont fucking tilde at me i thought we were cool -– gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 03:13 –- TG: man what the fuck Dave: Continue not being Dave You are now Karkat, one week into the meteor trip. A set of seven pins push upwards on a jagged metal spine, and a gasp falls between them as their partners are all turned away. Both sets brush against the curvature of the metal hill until their guide is forced against a wall, immobilized. There is a soft "click", but no one present in this tunnel is equipped to hear it. Be Gamzee, one week into the meteor trip. Gamzee: Feel the dull light of the meteor washing over you as your moirail pulls open the door to the fridge.